American Presidents: Totalus Rankium - 21.1 Chester Arthur
Episode Date: November 16, 2019Arthur is not the most well known of presidents, but that does not mean he did not achieve much in his early life. Who else managed this level of corruption? Who else could claim to benefit from the ...patronage system so well? Who else was so much of a Conkling man? He may be a coaster, but damn it, he could coast like the best of them.Â
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Welcome to Totalus Rankium. This week, Chester Arthur Art 1.
Hello, and welcome to American President's Totalis Rankium. I am Jamie.
And I am Rob, ranking all of the presidents from Washington to Trump.
And this is episode 21.1, Chester Arthur.
He's not that well known.
No, he's not.
I can highlight this point for you. Yesterday they had an American Presidents round on pointless.
Did they?
Chester Arthur scored, I think, think one he wasn't quite pointless no i'm thinking of somebody
else damn it this is a good story it's a very good story i'm glad we're opening with this no i
completely forgot so there's there's an even less well-known one is there yeah well uh johnson
didn't score zero really andrew jackson scored three, I think. Fillmore?
Fillmore scored one.
Oh, right, okay.
Well, yeah, I mean, Fillmore's got the slight paradox
that he's well-known for being the least-known president,
whereas I think Chester Arthur is genuinely possibly the least well-known.
Oh, okay.
He could, wow, but he's definitely in there
with a group of people that no one's ever heard of before.
Who?
I don't know.
Anyway, let's find out about him, shall we?
Maybe he's a hidden gem like Hayes.
Something in your expression tells me not.
He might be.
He might be.
He might be.
We'll find something.
We will.
But before we start, the score for Garfield.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
Who was it?
Me again.
Well, no, no.
It's fine because we debated.
We deliberated.
Oh, about the assassination.
Yeah.
I didn't realise at the time that the score you gave at the end,
where you added them all up,
you only gave him one for assassination.
So we read out that he got 11.75.
Oh, it says two next to assassination.
Yes, yeah.
I must have blanked it from my mind.
Yeah, you must have done.
But it's fine because we threw it out to the listeners
when we released the episode.
Oh, yeah.
I was keeping a percentage, but when it got above 95 in my favor
uh i i thought this looks embarrassing so well it's fine well i bet i'm guessing all people
agree you don't understand the nuances of uh you know murder let's just say a significant majority
of people agreed that he should have got two points for assassination. Well, a significant majority
of people are wrong. Let's just
leave it at that. We'll leave it at that.
But he gets two points.
He's now got 12 points. Garfield's score
is now 12.75, yes.
I'm not happy with that. No, that's fine.
The doctor that killed him. Natural causes.
I accept
your unhappiness. That's fine.
Right, okay.
Anyway, let's start Arthur, shall we?
Can I pick a colour?
Go on then.
I like challenging you.
Or have you got a very clear idea?
No, no, no, you go for it.
I like the challenge.
Maybe just turn it into a halo of colours,
then the screen comes into focus.
Be more specific.
More specific?
Yeah, don't just choose a colour.
Choose something.
Okay, okay, I've got it.
Line green.
Yeah. And in the centre, okay, I got it. Lime green. Yeah.
And in the centre, there's a red lion.
A carved, well, it looks like a stylised red lion shape.
It's not real.
It's obviously an image of something on something else.
Lime green, red carved lion.
Okay.
Yes.
Start on lime green or a red carved lion.
Nice.
Yeah.
But notice you're not looking directly at this. You're clearly looking at something and it's reflecting this image.
Right. And it's, the camera's
zooming out slightly and you realise
you're looking at an eye.
And no, that lime green and red line's never
going to be explained. It's symbolism
for something. Yeah.
Let the art students sort that out.
We're historians, dammit.
Yeah. So you zoom out. It're historians, damn it. Yeah.
So you zoom out.
It's an eye.
And the lion that's being reflected in the eye just fades away.
Okay.
Maybe it's on the wall or something.
Yeah, okay.
Who knows?
Maybe it's in his heart.
Exactly.
Maybe it represents something.
Anyway, you're zooming out of the eye.
You're zooming out of the eye.
It's a man, you notice. He's lying on the floor and you're pulling out above him.
So you're facing down. Bird's eye view of a man just lying on the floor and you're pulling out above him so you're facing down.
Bird's eye view of a man just lying on the floor.
You recognise... And I'm pulling out of him, yeah.
You recognise that this is
Garfield and he's at the train station.
Oh! And as you pull out above the
prone figure, you see
the pool of blood expanding on the floor.
Then the camera twists
and you see in the doorway a man
being held and you hear him shout,
I am a stalwart and Arthur shall be president.
And then he's grappled and then shoot at speed.
You're still the camera.
You just shoot out the door and as you're going out, you spin and suddenly it stops.
It's in slow motion.
A shocked looking man and woman are witnessing the same scene of the man being arrested from across the street.
Then suddenly speed up again, start zooming down the street, spin once more, cut to slow motion.
And the man you just saw witnessing the arrest is now telling a passerby what they've heard.
Yeah, exactly.
Then speed up again, zoom down the street.
This time a new person rushes into a shop.
Again, cut to slow motion, her mouth moving up and again cut to slow motion her mouth moving up and down
really zoom into the mouth
moving up and down
and then spin around again
all one shot
everyone wide-eyed
really shocked
unfortunately now it's just
Chinese whispers
yeah
it's sort of like
the Walmart's in the Arboretum
but keep going keep going
I mean you can't hear anything
apart from the faint echo
of that I am a stalwart and I will be president is just slightly in the background.
Another will be president.
So keep following this pattern of fast to slow motion,
people spreading the news all in one shot until it gets to a telegram
and then shoot into the telegram through the wire.
You're going full on Fight Club here, aren't you?
Oh, I am. I'm going for a Fight Club. You're going for you're going for fincher yes i am yeah that was exactly what i was thinking uh
so zoom through the wire but not cg oh no oh that'd be tight fit for the camera yeah but we
can do it with an audio podcast yes yes so this is like using actual wires and cameras screw you
three dimensions yeah so through the wire through the wire and then suddenly shoot
out the wire spin round slow down and you see lots of people on a steamboat and they're starting to
whisper to each other and again that that just settled in the background i am a stalwart and
alpha will be present slightly in the background you whiz around the steamboat and suddenly you come to a halt on a shocked man holy chester a that's not what i had but you
know what that can be how it ends yes i was gonna have the uh the words arthur will be president
getting louder and louder as it zooms in on this man's face and then it just goes to arthur arthur
arthur and then all you can hear is the man shouting Arthur,
and it goes right into this man's face, into his eye,
right into the eye, so all you can see are a pupil
and a faint red line on a lime green background.
Oh, yeah.
Arty.
And then cut to black, but I quite like your answer.
Nice.
There we go.
You could have said the badge was a reflection of someone's brooch they were wearing as he
was leaning over Arthur.
I did want to give it away too much.
Okay, fair enough.
But that could have worked.
I was thinking it was like a crest on the wall.
Yeah.
I could have done that, but...
I knew she was a hippo.
I don't think we should explain too much to the audience.
They should be free to extrapolate.
Well, that's what history's about.
Yeah.
It's not about facts.
Right, okay. Here we go.
We start today in Vermont.
Vermont. Where's Virginia?
No, it's really not.
It's up north.
It's on the border with Canada. It's about
as far north as you can get. Yeah.
North Virginia.
The year is 1829
and the authors are expecting.
Who?
The delivery men.
Ah.
Yeah, it's really annoying.
They want to go out, but they know it's coming in between a certain time.
They need a change on it, like a new wooden wheel for their carriage or something.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
But also, Malvina, Arthur, is about to give birth as well.
Oh, that's...
Yeah, busy day.
Yeah, gosh.
She'd already given birth to four daughters. Not that day, I hasten to add. Oh, that's... Yeah, busy day. Yeah, gosh. She'd already given birth to four daughters.
Not that day, I hasten to add.
Oh, that'd be amazing.
No, no.
Time for a fifth.
Marvina's husband, William Arthur,
was a preacher who desperately wanted a boy.
Apparently, William was so happy
when the child turned out to be a boy,
he danced up and down the tiny log cabin
that they lived in.
That's ridiculous. Is it?
I don't know. Just like, you know, be happy
with what you get. Imagine how his girls are gonna
feel. No, I understand now. I thought you meant
just the concept of dancing for joy.
No, we do that all the time.
Yeah, I know. I was gonna say. But I don't know.
Like, these four daughters standing there, wide-eyed,
mouth open, like, yes, I finally got a
son! How I hate these
daughters on there oh hello oh this
is awkward yeah maybe it was like that oh dear it wouldn't surprise me what i read about william
anyway uh both parents were very grateful to the doctor who had helped deliver the child
so grateful they were they decided to name the child after the doctor. The doctor was called Chester Abel.
That's a good name for a doctor.
Yes, I'm Abel.
Yes, I'm Dr. Abel.
Dr. Chester Abel.
Yeah, because the Arfers were not idiots, they did not name their child Doctor.
Unlike Dr. Doctor and his parents.
Instead, they named him Chester, or Chet, as he was widely known for most and his parents. Instead, they named him Chester,
or Chet, as he was widely known for most of his life.
Oh, is that what Chet's short for?
In this case, yeah.
Oh.
Yeah.
So I'm guessing his middle name was Abel then.
No.
His middle name was...
Arthur.
Alan.
Like A-L-A-N.
With a little accent, yeah.
Oh, Alan.
Oh, that sounds very...
Yeah.
There's no accent on it,
but apparently you pronounce it as if there is one.
Alain.
Yeah, so it's Chester Alain Arthur.
Oh, very sexy.
Yeah, do you like the Alain, do you?
Oh, I do, yeah.
Touch of Alain.
However, despite William being pleased with the birth of his son,
apparently he was not usually so happy.
According to the sources I read, he had a quick temper,
and he often made hurtful remarks to those in his congregation,
and, like you've said, possibly his daughters.
So much so did he cause, let's face it, misery wherever he went.
He did not stay with one congregation for long,
and the family had to move several times.
In fact, had moved several times recently,
crossing the Canadian and US border.
Oh, wow.
Which comes into play later on, but not significantly.
Questioned his birth.
Oh, yes.
We've got our first case of birtherism.
Oh, interesting.
Yeah, but that's not this episode, so we'll wait.
That's Trump's episode. Anyway, when. Yeah, but that's not this episode, so we'll wait. Well, that's Trump's episode.
Anyway, when little Chet was three years old,
the family were forced to move again
and again and again.
Oh dear. Get the feeling he turned
up and went, right, you bunch of losers of my
congregation, then I hear. You're all
going to hell!
I hate your faces!
And your ugly, ugly, stupid
children! That was the sermon. Oh. And then he'd stand by the door with his hat. I hate your faces and your ugly, ugly, stupid children.
That was the sermon.
Oh.
And then he'd stand by the door with his hat.
Oh, please, please offer some for the orphanage.
Whilst they were moving around, another sister was born and then a second son.
And then they moved once more.
And this time they moved into the state of New York.
Unfortunately for the family, Chet's little brother died shortly after the move. That was very sad. Anyway, little Chet grows up a bit. By the age of 10, he's moved five times. Wow. And he's not attended school. Instead, his father had taught
him the basics of reading and writing, and also installed in him a sense of what was right and
wrong. William was a staunch abolitionist. He taught his son about the evils of slavery.
Anyway, at last it seemed like they'd found somewhere to stay for a while.
A town outside of Albany.
If you remember, Albany is the capital of New York State.
It's where all the politics happens.
Yes.
Yeah.
Little Chet goes to school.
He seems to get on well with others.
There's one story which is most likely not true, but I'll tell it to you anyway.
This was a
friend relating the tale in the year
1900. Sorry.
Eight years after. Quite a while
later. I quote,
When Chester was a boy, you might see him
in the village street after a shower
watching the boys build a mud
dam across a rivlet in the roadway.
Pretty soon he'd be ordering
this one to bring stones and other
sticks, and others sod and
mud to finish the dam.
They would all do his bidding without question,
but he took great care
not to get any of the dirt on
his own hands.
Well, that's a bit of a dig, isn't it? Make other people
do dirty work. Well, yeah, I mean, this is
so obviously, uh...
Not true. Well, it just mirrors how he approaches politics so closely.
I mean, this is quite obviously just, yeah, he was always like that.
I remember when he was like it as a child.
There's a good chance it's not true,
but it's one of the few stories we have about Chester's childhood.
So there you go.
So in 1841, another sister was born, which was nice.
Yes.
But then one of his elder sisters died at the age of 18.
Oh.
A lot of death.
But as we've seen, this unfortunately is quite common back then.
Oh, yeah.
Even though we're getting really relatively recent.
Anyway, partly due to this, I imagine, but also for work reasons,
William moved his family once again.
Chet enrolled in high school in the new town.
A teacher described him as being frank. No, my name's Chet enrolled in high school in the new town. A teacher described him as being frank.
No, my name's Chet.
Yeah.
And also open in his manners.
Somebody a bit too honest sometimes.
Possibly.
Sir, I believe your lesson was below par from your usual standard.
Hard graders requires improvement.
Well, reading frank and open in his manners just makes me think of teacher talk when I'm writing my reports.
Oh.
Frank and Oban in his manners just means a cocky little git.
Yes.
That's what that means.
So, yeah.
He studied Latin and Greek and became the co-editor of the school newspaper.
So, I mean, he was obviously very bright and he catches on to things quickly.
He was apparently an average student, however.
He more tolerated lessons rather than loved learning.
Far more interesting than
Cicero and Livy was politics.
He didn't want to learn the classics.
He wanted to know what was going on right now.
So you're saying he wouldn't have enjoyed our
other podcasts? No, he wouldn't. Roman
Empress of Alastair Anki. Yeah, exactly.
More fool him.
The presidential campaign of 1844
just started.
This is the one between Henry Clay and Polk.
Chet supported Clay and the Whigs, approving of the anti-slavery tint that could be found in the party.
Now, this election saw an interesting craze start up.
Poller contests.
Is it all to do with size?
It is all to do with size.
Oh, yes.
Yeah.
Okay.
It is all to do with size.
Oh, yes.
Yeah.
Okay.
Supporters of either candidate in various towns would compete to see who could erect the biggest pole.
Oh, yeah.
Sounds like a fun village activity.
Oh, yeah.
Not much to do in the evenings.
Whoever could erect the largest pole would win.
Not the election, obviously.
No.
Just mine's bigger than yours. My erection's bigger yeah honestly it really was it was a wow pole swinging contest
that they are some dark winter nights aren't they yeah i like the simplicity of this though
it's literally someone put a big pole up and and occasionally they'd put, like, a flag on the top to say who they supported or just something on top of it.
Oh, this is ridiculous.
But sometimes it literally was just the pole.
That's Clay's pole, that is.
And then someone would come along and put a bigger Polk pole next to it.
I mean, it really was just, mine's bigger.
Oh, no.
I don't know.
I mean, in this country, we're suddenly having an election.
Yes, we are.
Yeah.
And I'll be honest, I'd rather the poll contest started up than what is actually happening right now.
There's no reason we can't.
That's good.
I think we should.
Let's start it up.
If you are listening and you live in the UK, make a poll for your favourite candidate.
I'm putting my bid in first.
Here's my poll.
It's a pen.
So let's see if anyone can get bigger than the pen.
It's definitely a pen, listeners.
Don't worry.
Does it need to be a freestanding erection?
Yes, I think so.
Or am I allowed to support it with my hand?
I think it needs to be freestanding.
Okay, I might struggle then.
Anyway, Chet and his friends decided they were going to get a massive pole.
So they gathered round, they compared notes, ideas.
Yes.
And they decided they'd go and chop down an ash tree and then chop all the branches off.
So it was just basically the trunk of a tree.
Nature's pole.
Nature's pole.
Yeah, so they shoved that up that up they did and there you go clay had the biggest pole in the region
nice nice uh didn't help clay lost of course clay lost yeah yeah but he had a big pole somewhere so
yeah well i'm sure he's thinking about poles they read out his poor results. Yes. Anyway, life goes on after this.
Arthur attended Union College in New York State.
He joined a fraternity social club.
I've heard about these.
I don't quite get what it is.
What?
A fraternity.
Oh, we're Alpha Kappas.
What the hell is that?
Yeah, if you're in America and you find these things normal,
it's very weird to us outside of America,
the idea of frat houses and stuff.
You just don't get the equivalent in this country.
I don't know what it is.
It's just a social club, essentially.
Oh, just like a group of people that you meet up and drink with?
Yeah.
Sometimes live with them in a certain house.
Oh.
In America, it has got to the point where
there were dubious things that happen,
and because universities are policed by themselves,
usually certain things are covered up quite a bit.
It's all very dodgy.
Okay.
Anyway, he was what they called a frat boy.
A frat boy, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, that's what he was.
Yeah, he hung out with his fraternity,
and they drank together.
They'd get up to japes, they would.
Chet enjoyed himself at the university.
He skipped church often, so much he was fined.
Really? He'd be fined for not going to church?
Yeah.
Wow.
It's part of the university rules.
Oh, God.
Well, college rules.
He would also, with his friends, jump on and off slow-moving trains for a dare.
Just train hopping, playing chicken with trains, that kind of thing.
With trains?
Yeah, yeah.
Because trains can't swerve.
No, no, you usually...
Either you're the one who gets out first or you've lost anyway, so...
It's the ultimate.
Yeah.
One day he was caught mid-prank.
His group of friends had unhooked the school bell
and had taken it to the Erie Canal and threw the bell in.
Oh dear. Yeah. They were caught
afterwards. But
he did not get chucked out.
He got into some trouble, but not so
much that it really became a big
problem. That's interesting. If somebody stole
the university
bell, I'm guessing a big and expensive
piece of kit and threw it in a lake,
you'd chuck him out. Maybe he was
on the periphery. Maybe he wasn't really
involved. We just know that he was involved
in this and he doesn't get
chucked out for it but he does get into trouble.
Just know he's no angel at school
is what I'm trying to get across here.
But he did manage to keep up with
lessons. During the winter he
taught in local schools to try and raise some money
for himself. Unlike
lots of people who went to the college
he was quite poor. So a bit of extra
cash over the winter definitely helped.
As time went on it became
clear that even though Chet was not the most
motivated of pupils, he was certainly very bright
and he did well academically.
He's one of those people that's very bright that he could just like be quite lazy
with everything but still pass things easily
and not have to worry about it. He was a coaster.
Yeah, coaster.
The best kind of pupil.
I think so.
At 18, he graduated with the same plan as almost all potential presidents.
He was going to go into law and then politics.
Yeah.
Of course he was.
But he needed a bit more money first.
So for a while, he taught in local schools.
Then he headed home to his family who were now living
in a place called Housic.
Housic. H-O-O-Sic.
Housic.
It's a sound you make if you
just walked into a room and you were about
to put your foot down into a
pile of sick. And you get the
smell first before you put your foot down.
And knowing American naming
conventions, I'm guessing that is exactly how this town was made.
I think so.
A little pop-up tavern.
That's how it started.
Yeah.
Nice place you got here.
What do you call it?
Ooh, sick.
Anyway, Arthur started to read law books, while at the same time he started to teach in another school.
This was a school called North Pownall.
Within a year, he was the principal.
Wow.
Yeah.
called North Pownall.
Within a year, he was the principal.
Wow.
Yeah, but I mean, remember back then,
advancement as a teacher was a bit easier because this would have been a small little school somewhere.
Didn't happen to Garfield.
Yes, quite similar, although he went to a higher learning place.
These were younger children being taught here.
The students later were called a friendly and helpful principal
who would offer aid instead of shouting at them.
Yeah, apparently it was quite nice.
But he soon moved on when another offer came through.
This was to be the principal of a school near Albany where his sister taught.
Now, this job gave him a lot more money because this gave him $35 a month.
Not bad.
Remember that figure? That will
be useful for comparisons later. This school was a bit bigger and it was tougher. The boys were a
bit less well behaved. But Arthur hadn't approached bad behaviour. Hit them. No, no. Ignore it. No.
Get somebody else to deal with it. No. Kick them out. No. If anyone misbehaved, he would take that pupil
and put them in with the youngest children for a day.
And they'd have to sit there
doing the lessons with the younger children.
And they felt really embarrassed.
Certainly familiar.
Yes, yes it is.
That's brilliant.
Literally last week.
Fine, go to year two then.
Bye.
What, really?
Yeah.
Oh.
But yeah, no, this apparently worked quite well.
Behaviour in the school improved.
Still, all of this is very much a sideshow for Arthur
because he doesn't want to be a teacher.
Who wants to be a teacher?
Oh, yeah.
He wants to be a lawyer.
And he wants to move to New York City.
It's where the action is.
It's where the lights are.
It's where the romance is.
It's where the streets are paid It's where the lights are. It's where the romance is. It's where the streets are
paved with mud. Yes, and
misery. But
as we'll see, not all the streets.
No. He wanted to be in some of the ones that weren't
paved in mud and misery. He didn't want to
just be somewhere where the political action was
like Albany. He wanted to be where the
excitement was. The buzz, the
hum. Yeah. In a city that never
sleeps, he wants to be a part of it
new york that's exactly exactly what he wants if he can make it there he can make it anywhere it's
up to him yeah new york new york you've read his diaries i i see yeah it's weird yeah anyway he
managed to work some hours in a law firm in new york city to gain some experience whilst he was still the principal. Part-time job.
And then in
1854 he was admitted to the
bar. So he studied on his
own with no mentor and managed
to pass the bar. Very much like Lincoln did.
Yeah, shows obviously a level
of commitment, tenacity.
Or he cheated. Maybe. I mean
it's not quite as impressive as
Lincoln because he did have this experience in the law firm
for a bit towards the end,
but he did a lot of learning on his own.
And Arthur didn't have an axe.
Arthur didn't have an axe.
The law firm where he was working
then offered him a full-time job.
Not only that, they offered for him to become partner.
The firm changed its name to Culver, Parker and Arthur.
The law firm.
That's really odd.
It's like, hey, you just started. Yeah, you're now a partner. We're changing the name already. Well, it wasn Arthur, the law firm. That's really odd. It's like, hey, you just started.
Yeah, you're now a partner.
We've changed the name already.
Well, it wasn't a big law firm.
No.
It was literally the two of them, as far as I could tell.
So he was now the third.
I mean, back then, you'd grow a rock in New York City,
you'd probably hit a lawyer.
Yeah.
They're everywhere, aren't they?
They really are.
Apart from all the dock workers and the...
Yeah, fish gutters and stuff.
Yeah. But we don't see many
of them because we look at presidents.
It was interesting watching. I saw that... I finally got around to watching
the first episode of the John Adams thing, the HBO
series. Oh yeah, yeah. And that was interesting seeing like the
early town. Yeah, yeah.
It's good, isn't it? You can see all the docks and stuff.
It's nice. Right, so he's a lawyer.
One of the first cases of importance that
Arthur worked on was that of Elizabeth
Jennings. Elizabeth was a teacher and an organist for her church of the first cases of importance that arthur worked on was that of elizabeth jennings elizabeth
was a teacher and an organist for her church and one day she was running late so she and her friend
decided to jump on a streetcar now a streetcar i had to look this up um apparently at this time
in new york they would have essentially trams yeah right so you got the tracks in the road
yeah and then you got like a big tram, but it was powered by horse.
So you'd have the horses pulling these trams around the tracks, and they were known as streetcars.
Why have the tracks?
Because with the tracks, less friction, so it's easier, and you don't need to steer the horses.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Unless the horses decide to go in the other direction.
Yeah, I mean, you need to control them slightly, but generally it was just a bit easier.
Okay.
Yeah, so you've got these streetcars running around New York City.
Interesting.
Yeah, no, it is interesting.
I didn't know they had those.
Anyway, the driver, when seeing Elizabeth and her friend getting on,
startled and then told them very firmly to get off
because this was a white-only streetcar
and Elizabeth Jenning and her friend were both black.
Yeah. Elizabeth, who was in no mood, shall we say, refused. No, I'm staying on. The driver replied
that if a white person objected, I'll quote here, you shall go or I will put you out. Elizabeth,
after the fact, wrote down what had happened. Her reply was,
I was a respectable person, born and raised in New York,
did not know where he was born,
and that he was a good-for-nothing, impotent fellow
for insulting decent persons while on their way to church.
Which is fair enough.
Yeah.
Then the driver angrily said that he was Irish
and then attempted to physically throw Elizabeth off the streetcar.
However, she clung onto a window frame and just refused to move.
That's very stubborn.
Oh, yes.
No, I'm hanging on!
Fingernail on the bed.
Yeah, it really was like that.
The driver giving up started the horses up until he had spotted a couple of policemen.
He called them over and then, with the combined force of the couple of policemen and the driver,
they managed to physically throw a very bruised and battered Elizabeth to the curb.
Probably putting a few kicks in at the same time.
More than likely.
However, an enraged Elizabeth was not about to give up.
It just so happened that she knew various people within her community
who were prominent abolitionists.
And she wrote down what had happened.
And soon the story was being read out in the churches.
Soon enough, Frederick Douglass picked up the story and printed it in his paper.
People got a bit annoyed.
Elizabeth's father also knew a law firm.
One that had recently hired Chester Arthur.
Arthur took the case and sued the streetcar company for having segregated transport.
And the case went quite well.
The ruling was, and I'll quote here,
coloured persons, if sober, well-behaved and free of disease, could not be forced off public transport.
Which is a horribly worded law, but it's certainly better than what was there before.
Well, yes.
Yes, it is.
So there you go. And this pretty
much ends segregated
public transport in New York. So
Arthur's ended segregation. In New York
City. He certainly helps it to happen
along with Elizabeth Jennings and
everyone else involved. But yeah,
Arthur certainly played a part
which is nice. That's cool. Yeah. Elizabeth
was paid $250 for her
troubles. That would have been loads of money. That would have been loads of money back then.
It would have been loads of money back then,
so I guess she was well pleased.
After this, Arthur worked on a couple more civil rights cases.
The law firm he works with go,
oh, no, this works for us.
So they start really pushing those cases
where black people were just treated awfully, basically,
and they pushed for some civil rights.
Good.
Yeah, as you can imagine we're now
in the 1850s the compromise of 1850s just been put into place so yeah everything's hotting up.
Due to this Arthur's name was becoming more well known in the city and he started to get to know
the prominent politicians of New York and by this time the Republican Party had started to emerge
and Arthur fully supported it he was almost straight straight away, yeah, I'm liking this, full-on anti-slavery, let's go for it.
So he starts working at electroneering for Fremont in the upcoming election.
However, he was distracted by this time, by a lady.
Ooh, yeah.
Yes, this is a woman named Ellen Hernon, or Nell, as she was known.
The writer is Nell. Nell was known. Right, she was Nell.
Nell was a cousin of a friend of Arthur's.
She was 19 to Arthur's 27.
Okay.
She came from Virginia, and she was the daughter to an influential family.
Her father was a prominent man in Virginia.
Virginia?
Yes.
Probably a farm owner.
Yes, we're talking planter class here.
Ah.
Yeah, can you see the potential problem coming up?
I can see a problem, yes.
Well, in 1856, after being introduced, they spent a lovely summer together and they decide to marry.
They don't get married, yes, and they don't do that either.
How do you know? I bet they did.
They probably did, didn't they? But no one knows about it.
No.
However, he didn't stay around for long because he and his current law
partner, a man named Gardner
so he's moved law firms by this point
they decide
they wanted to go and see exactly what was going on
in bleeding Kansas. They're hearing all these
stories about Kansas pulling itself
apart as we've covered before.
We've got two governments over there
anti-slavery, pro-slavery, it's all
a mess. So what's going on?
And can we make any money out of this?
How can we use this to our advantage?
Yeah, I'm sure they'll need some lawyers over there.
We'll go over there.
We'll see what we can see.
And if there's any land hanging around we could buy up cheap,
well, let's do that.
All the better.
Why does this feel like post-Brexit Britain?
Let's do that.
All the better.
Why does this feel like post-Brexit Britain?
Well, Arthur and Gardner spent a while touring Kansas, attending political rallies.
They even interviewed the governor at one point.
It was practically lawless over there, they discovered.
This really was the Wild West.
If you've ever really wanted to imagine good old Wild West activities going on, this is a good time to imagine it like deadwood yeah yeah pretty much i feel free to put arthur in a cowboy hat yes
boots yeah yeah lasso maybe a bit far give give a lasso to gardener okay oh yes yeah you can have
a lasso yeah can we have them near a saloon actually no what am i thinking these two are
easterners coming out of New York City.
That's what I mean, they're dressing in a way
that no one else dresses. Yeah, yeah, they would have been
seen as dandies very much.
Dudes, that's it.
That is where the word comes from.
Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. You were
a dude, you were a dandy. Coming from the east,
swanning over here, there's a bit of
tourism. Did you ever see
Back of the Future 3? Yes.
Where he dresses him up in the cowboy gear,
thinking that's the gist of it.
Yes, that's exactly.
That's what I'm thinking of.
That is how they're both identical.
Yeah, pink shirts.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Tassels and all sorts.
Arthur is able to buy some land, which is nice,
which he hopes to sell off at a later date
when the area's built up a bit,
and he can sell it for profit.
But then Arthur receives word from Nell.
Her father had died when
his ship had sunk.
He had quite literally gone
down with his ship after
everyone else was rescued. Wow.
That's stupid. They built a statue
of him and everything. He was seen
as a hero for going down with his ship
apparently. Wow. Anyway,
Arthur decides to head back home so he can offer support to his fiancée.
Once home, he decided to join the New York Militia.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, this has nothing to do with the upcoming Civil War.
At this time, it was common for new attorneys to join the Militia as judge advocates.
Ah.
Yes.
Military lawyers.
It was seen as a good way to meet certain people who were rising to the top.
Got people being shoehorned into officer positions.
You might as well get to know them
because if they're being shoehorned into officer positions,
they're probably going somewhere.
So, yeah, let's go and network, basically.
Extreme networking.
Yeah.
You're rich, you'll do.
Arthur then headed to Virginia to go and meet Nell's family.
West Virginia.
No, just Virginia. West Virginia doesn't exist yet.
East Virginia?
Just Virginia.
I'm being Evie.
Anyway, he heads to Virginia.
He already knew Nell's mother, because Nell's mother was in New York with Nell.
In fact, he knew Nell's mother first, because she used the law firm that he worked at.
I got to know mummy first.
Not like that.
But the rest was very much an experience for Arthur
because this is, as I said, very much Virginian planter class.
Arthur must have had to bite his tongue quite a bit
as he spent his time being served by the family slaves.
Back in New York, some of his networking had started to pay off, because he'd gotten to
know, not in that way, in just a get-it-to-know, he'd gotten to know the businessman Edwin
Morgan.
You seem confused.
I was wondering if I recognised the name.
Not this Morgan.
All right.
But there is a J.P. Morgan hanging around at this time.
Maybe I'm thinking, brother?
No, I don't think they were related as far as I'm aware.
Anyway, Morgan, with the help of his friend Thurlow Weed,
we've come across him a lot, the backroom guy.
Yeah, Morgan wins the race to become the governor of New York.
So all of a sudden, Arthur knew personally the governor of New York State.
Yay.
And, sure enough, certain perks came of that.
He was soon given a position on Morgan's personal honour guard.
Ooh, what does that mean?
This is ceremonial soldiers for important events.
All right.
You get a fancy uniform and you get to stand by certain things
whilst ribbons were being cut, I imagine.
It's around this time that Arthur and Nell got married.
His new mother-in-law gifted them a house in New York City
And the two moved in
Yeah
Yeah
Have a house
He's married into money
He really has
Yeah
Almost immediately the couple started to work together
Well Nell was not going to be a woman who stayed in the background
She decided that she wanted a career
Of course at this time if you're a woman, you
really couldn't have one. So she decided that her career would be to further her husband's career.
They were going to work as a partnership, and they were going to get Arthur as high up the
pecking order as possible. So the two started hosting lavish events regularly for the leaders
of the Republican Party in New York.
In Nell, Arthur had found the perfect partner.
He was easygoing, likeable, and so was she,
but she also had an eye for detail and a talent for organisation.
She was good at networking.
Yeah.
So already on friendly terms with the governor, Morgan,
the Arfers soon got to know most of the high society of the New York political machine.
Now, it also gives birth at this point to their first son, William.
Survive?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, he's fine.
For now.
Anyway, then the war breaks out.
With a word from Morgan, Arfer was made Brigadier General.
So, British position.
Yes.
There you go.
Job done.
And then he became the quartermaster for the entire state.
What?
It's good to know, people.
To be fair, I'm condensing this slightly.
It takes him a little bit of time to work up to this, but not much.
At least a week.
Yeah. So he's quartermaster sort of like resources and supplies.
Oh, yes.
He was with a stroke of a pen now in charge for the feeding
of the pens. Housing and supplies
for several thousand Union troops.
Wow. He'd done nothing like this
in his life. I mean this was
a big job. Manel
I need help.
Well to his credit he
throws himself into this work. As the war
starts up Arthur was to be found
in his office in the
large military storehouse. He spent his time under mountains of paperwork, essentially,
attempting to organize where and how clothing would come from and where it would go to.
That wasn't easy. Getting supplies for all the troops from New York State, it's not an easy one.
But a bigger problem was when the troops that Lincoln ordered to go to Washington
started building up in New York City
before they were to move on to
Washington DC. These troops needed
to be housed. Now there was a bit of a
big deal in the constitution about housing
troops, if you remember, back to our
earlier episodes. They did
not like it when the British
forced troops into houses.
Although, many volunteered, that's the
patriotic thing to do, but there's only so long you want a soldier in your house. Yeah. It soon
became clear that they needed something more permanent. So Arthur supervised the building of
temporary barracks around the city. Okay. As time went on, he became more and more indispensable to
Morgan, who had turned into somewhat of a workaholic through necessity.
Morgan apparently only slept roughly three hours a night
and worked round the clock for the rest of the time.
You do hear that about some very driven people.
Yeah.
Arthur was forced to keep up with a man over 20 years his senior.
Yeah, yeah.
Because in Morgan's eyes, if I can do it, so can you.
But I'm guessing that was
hard yeah let's face it arthur's never come across as the uh most energetic of people no he's more
he's a coaster yeah yeah and he's a position where he can't really afford to be no he really can't
now as far as we can tell arthur does not take any bribes or kickbacks during this time.
During this time.
I'm just going to tell you that now.
As far as we can tell, he doesn't.
He was accused of doing so, however.
Oh, right.
For example, in order to raise enough men,
certain men of means were encouraged to raise a regiment.
And as a reward, they could give themselves a high rank.
We saw this with Garfield last episode.
However, some men did not raise their men and simply took the title
and then lied to the War Department about the numbers.
Yeah.
Dodgy.
One of these men was a man named Goodwin
who demanded quarters and provisions
from Arthur the Quartermaster.
Arthur received a report, however,
that Goodwin had misrepresented his unit.
It's just him and a half-dog.
Don't give him anything.
So, Arthur told the so-called
colonel that he was entitled to
nothing. Goodwin angered, then
spread it around the city, that Arthur had refused
to supply his men because Goodwin
did not offer, and I quote here,
a bribe in gold and silver. But
there is nothing to suggest that this is true. It does seem like this was Goodwin just not offer, and I quote here, a bribe in gold and silver. But there is nothing to suggest that this is true.
It does seem like this was Goodwin just being bitter.
That's how it came across.
Yeah.
As far as we're aware, Arthur does nothing illegal at this point.
Or morally dubious.
He just gets on with the job.
Yeah.
Good man.
Good upstanding gentleman.
Yeah.
Good.
He spent his time overseeing finances
and occasionally having to go out and deal with the units of men
who had not shipped out yet.
A particular troublesome regiment that was made up of firemen
caused him a fair amount of trouble.
Yeah.
Apparently they had formed their own regiment
and were spending their time just swanning around New York
in highly coloured uniforms,
performing acrobatic feats to onlookers.
Get off that pole!
Yeah, it's like...
Put that hose away!
Yeah, they just messed about.
It was an excuse for a bit of a laugh.
A bit of a jolly laugh.
That sounds fun.
Yeah.
It was not long before the regiment refused to follow orders,
because they were told to stop being silly, basically.
Arthur was forced to go out to
round up some policemen and have the ringleaders arrested so he's basically dealing with the petty
problems in new york city and trying to organize everyone the closest he gets to fighting in the
war was when he went down to virginia to inspect some new york troops east or west west virginia
does exist in this time there you you go. But it's just
Virginia. East Virginia.
It's suggested that perhaps he organised
this trip to go and check on Nell's family.
Because of course
like you notice straight away
Nell coming from the South
that caused some tensions.
She was sympathetic to the
Southern cause, shall we say.
And her mother, so Arthur's mother-in-law, she was full on flag-waving confederate.
Well, her whole money, her whole life style is based on slavery and slave economy.
So Arthur would joke that Nell was his rebel wife.
Try and make a bit of a joke out of it.
But it must have caused some tension.
Anyway, then the patronage system kicks in.
Because Lincoln was losing popularity, as we saw.
And the next state elections saw the Democrats take the governorship of New York.
That meant Morgan was out.
That meant Arthur was also out.
Doesn't matter if he's doing a good job.
He's with Morgan, so he's gone. So Arthur decided he'd rather go back to his law firm
rather than getting involved in the war anymore.
He's probably sick of it by now.
I mean, he hasn't seen the worst things,
but just for workload.
Well, I imagine if you're the quartermaster,
what you would have is firsthand knowledge
of the sheer horror of the numbers.
I guess so, yeah.
If you're seeing exactly how many people are being killed every battle,
and you've had, let's face it, a fairly cushy job for the whole of the war,
would you really want to walk into that?
No.
The newspapers might try and spin things,
but he's got the cold hard facts of how horrific this war was.
He'd have a morning like, yes, we need to order 50,000 battle shirts.
Oh, no, no, make it 20,000.
Yeah.
Yeah, there would have been no sugarcoating the war for him.
He would have known exactly how horrible it was.
And he decided he didn't really want to walk into that
unless he had to, so he didn't.
Also, another theory might be that now play the part you're not
going off to literally fight against my family it's bad enough you're supplying people who are
fighting against my family yeah so maybe it's partly that but yeah he decides no i i'm not
gonna go and get shot anyway the arfas continue to entertain high society in new york instead
sounds good yeah uh the war was far enough away that the city was not overly affected.
This is not like being in Washington.
Now you're on the doorstep.
New York City was a good few steps back.
Day-to-day life wasn't too different during the war in New York City.
Oh, yeah.
Apart from a couple of things which really did make a difference.
Soldiers, I imagine.
Well, the soldiers quite quickly were shipped off to the front line.
Of course.
When you get like guards, you know, protecting certain places.
Not really in New York because the fighting wasn't anywhere near there.
You'd get groups being built up before they got shipped off.
And that's what Arthur was organising before.
The main thing that really affected New York was the New York draft riots in 1863.
This is when, in desperation, Lincoln organised a draft.
And people didn't like that.
No.
No.
The rioting caused a bit of trouble, shall we say.
Over 120 deaths in the city.
However, as far as we can tell, Arthur was very little affected by this.
He was in a part of town that didn't really see any violence.
It's probably quite a good area, I imagine. Yeah. They have paving slabs here and everything.
Yeah, exactly. Anyway, then shortly after the Union victory at Gettysburg,
little William suddenly died of an infection. I'll quote the letter that he wrote to a family
member. I have sad, sad news to tell you. We lost our darling boy.
He died yesterday morning
at Englewood, New Jersey where we
were staying for a few weeks from
concussions brought on by some
affection on the brain.
It came upon us so unexpectedly
and suddenly. Nell is
broken hearted. I fear much for
her health. You know how her heart
was wrapped up in the dear boy.
So, I mean, no warning at all.
It literally was, within a couple of days,
just, he's gone. Sounds almost like meningitis.
Well, they actually
blamed themselves. They think they overtaxed
the boy, mentally
and physically. It was like they were
too demanding of him.
So they believed that they had caused it.
There was a lot of guilt.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
Anyway, as many in New York started celebrating the turn of the war,
the Arfers retreated from society and mourned for several months.
It took a while, but eventually they did come out of mourning.
As life, as ever, does go on.
They took up their socialising once more.
They were now regularly socialising with Morgan, the ex-governor, but also
now with Weed, the top Republican
in the state. Yeah. And also
a rising star in the party, an ambitious
man named Conkling.
Heard of Conkling. Oh yes. There we go.
He's in. Anyway, due to
their connections, the Arfers were able to attend
Lincoln's second inaugural ceremony.
A lot of turkeys here.
Johnson would have been drunk as well.
Yeah.
Yeah, he was.
Ah, brilliant.
Anyway.
Menace to sobriety.
Soon after this, a second son was born, Chester Arthur II.
Ah.
Yeah, or the second, I imagine.
But he was mainly just known as Alan, or probably Alain.
That's how you pronounce it.
Sexy Alain. Yeah.
Anyway, the war then ends and Lincoln
shot. Short version of that.
Shockwaves went
round the country, as we have covered many times
before. Johnson becomes president.
Arthur, not a fan of Johnson.
Not at all. Most people weren't.
No. Anyway, his law
partner then died. Gardner means dead. Oh. Yeah. Most people weren't. No. Anyway, his law partner then died.
Gardner means dead.
Oh.
Yeah, that's very sad.
So he starts looking for new opportunities.
He had his eye on the naval officer of the Port of New York,
a job that would give him a huge amount of money through salary
and, shall we say, other opportunities.
However, he attempts to use Morgan, who's now a senator, by the way,
and also Weed to gain the position,
but they were currently battling the president,
and Johnson wanted nothing to do with this faction.
So, Arthur loses out, doesn't get the job.
Still, Arthur kept on working, and his work at this time, along with Nell,
was to befriend everyone in the Republican Party.
He was often found at the Conservative Republican Club.
Cigars and whiskey were shared over stories with younger and older members of the party.
Basically, just getting to know everyone.
That sounds fantastic.
Yes.
He was, I quote, always smiling and affectionate in his manner. And then, in 1886, his main link to national government broke
because Morgan lost his seat in the Senate.
He's not doing well, is he?
Well, it's politics, isn't it?
You win some, you lose some.
However, another man, whom Arthur had cultivated a friendship recently,
gained a Senate seat.
And this was the impeccably dressed, narcissistic pedant that is Roscoe Conkling.
Excellent.
I was hoping it'd be him.
Oh, yes.
Conkling and Arthur had several things in common.
They both loved the finer things in life.
Both were always very well dressed.
Tweed, frock coats, tuxedos, silk scarves were commonly worn by the two of them.
Bill, are you? frock coats, tuxedos, silk scarves were commonly worn by the two of them. A bit like you.
And don't forget, this is a time where many men,
especially in their class, would be wearing military uniforms.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Both Arthur and Conkling almost tried to stand out by not wearing them,
but just by wearing the finest clothes instead.
Yeah, the title of dandy, old dude, I think definitely suits that.
Yes, yeah, definitely.
Peacock is another word that's quite often used.
Yeah.
Now, early on, Arthur would have realised that Conkling was a man to hitch his wagon to.
They were of a similar age, but Conkling had the kind of personality that would dominate the room.
And now he was senator, and Arthur was firmly in his camp.
In 1871, through connections that Conkling had now got,
Arthur was offered a job,
and this was the collector of the New York Customs House.
Now, Arthur was not a ridiculous suggestion for this job.
After all, he did have experience of dealing with large quantities of goods.
Yes.
However, that's certainly not why he got the job, because in the late 1860s, the previous decade, New York was ran
by a man we briefly mentioned before. This is the democratic politician William Tweed. Yeah, yeah.
Now, I'll just quote the historian Thomas Reeve here to describe William Tweed.
He excelled in the personal politics of the smoke-filled room, the jovial story, the pat on the back, the midnight supper, the personal pledge of loyalty, the quiet threat.
He rarely made a public speech, avoided the press, and worked in private.
Backroom negotiation.
Oh, yes. Tweed owned
the railroads. He owned a bank, a printing company, a major hotel. He was on the board for several gas
companies, several ironmans, and also the Brooklyn Bridge Company. He was very much a robber baron.
He was an unusual robber baron in the sense that the likes of J.P. Morgan,
who I mentioned earlier,
Andrew Carnegie, J.D. Rockefeller,
they're all hanging around at this time.
They're the typical robber barons
who would just use their businesses
to bribe and corrupt people to make more money.
Fantastic.
Yeah, so basically through business exploitation
and shady dealing, they made a fortune. exploitation and shady dealing they made a fortune
tweed however made a fortune simply through shady dealings he went full-on down the political route
yeah reeves the historian estimates that tweed stole between 20 and 200 million dollars wow
during his time as uh basically the ruler of new New York City. This is an astronomical sum.
That's insane. Even now. Yeah, yeah. Arthur did not agree with Tweed because Tweed was a Democrat
and a political rival, but he was very much in the Republican equivalent camp. Yeah. If Arthur
didn't agree with Tweed, he certainly would have respected and wished to emulate him. Yeah. If Arthur didn't agree with Tweed, he certainly would have respected
and wished to emulate him. Yeah. Anyway, the reform factions within the Republican and the
Democrat parties went hard after Tweed, and eventually he was brought down. This ripped
his party machine out of New York, and suddenly there was a power vacuum. Valuable positions were
suddenly available,
positions that no one could get before,
including the collector of the New York Customs House.
I imagine that's very lucrative.
Oh, yes.
Oh, yes.
As Conkling worked hard to step into Tweed's shoes,
Arthur was given this cushy job, and he jumped at the opportunity.
It had, shall we say, many perks.
For example, as most of the foreign goods into the country passed through the New York port,
smuggling was rife. And there was a rule, a legal rule, that said any official who found smuggled
goods was entitled to a percentage of the goods seized. And this was the law, nothing illegal about it.
But as you can imagine, this was abuse to the hilt.
Yeah.
Now, if you remember, how much was Arthur earning as a principal in a school?
$35.
Yes.
In this job, his salary was $1,000 a month.
But with the extra perks thrown in, he was pulling in over $4, dollars a month but with the extra perks thrown in he was pulling in over four
thousand dollars a month a stupid amount of money back then yeah that is more than more than we're
earning oh god easily yeah um anyway arthur's swimming in it is what i'm trying to say and he
upped his lavish lifestyle to suit and then the panic of 1873 hit as the railroad companies collapsed. And as people
were literally starving in the street, more pressure was put on Congress to do something
about these officials who were raking it in many times more money than the average person,
just because they knew the right man to get them the job. So in 1874, a law was passed that ended
this legal personal gain from seizures. Arthur took a huge hit.
He went down to his basic salary.
A meagre thousand dollars a month.
How can I live?
Yeah. I mean,
still many, many times more than
pretty much anyone else in the country.
Well, I think I can say on behalf
of both of us, our thoughts and prayers are with
Chester in this difficult time.
It's about this time that Hayes becomes president.
Yay.
Which was wonderful, as he wrote in his diary.
Conkling and Arthur had worked hard to make sure
that Blaine from Maine and the half-breeds
had not managed to get the job,
but that did not mean they were fans of Hayes.
This new president seemed to be up for
even more civil service reform,
meaning fewer cushy jobs.
Damn it.
Yeah.
Sure enough, their worst fears were realised
when it was announced that Hayes' Treasury Secretary
was going to investigate the many, many, many allegations of corruption
that were going on in the New York Customs House.
Ah, damn it.
Yes, they were off to go and investigate the kickbacks, the bribery, the
overstaffing, the lax administration, the inventiveness of the accounting, shall we say.
The list went on. I don't know, I get, in that time though, because everything was papered,
it'd be very easy to just falsify. Yeah, yeah, and they did. Yes. However, Arthur, very much like the previous president, Grant,
was seen very much as part of a helplessly corrupt system
rather than personally corrupt.
Yeah, yeah.
Although he was in charge.
Had massive gains from it.
Yeah, but he wasn't seen as the target of the investigation.
No, just an acquirer.
To begin with, anyway. Yeah. I mean, it helped that he knew personally so target of the investigation. No, just an acquirer. To begin with, anyway.
Yeah, I mean, it helped that he knew personally so many in the party, due to his and Nell's
socialising. It meant that no one went too hard after Arthur. However, as things were looked into,
things got a little bit worse. It was soon found that Arthur was running the customs house very
much like it had been run when Tweed was around.
It was noted that many men who worked there did not actually work there at all.
Or if they did, they turned up on paycheck day and that was it.
Or maybe they did a minimum amount of work but got paid a huge amount to do so. You're in charge of moving this pencil from this table to that table every third tuesday of the month
exactly here is your huge government paycheck here's ten thousand dollars next time there's
an election make sure you know who you're going to donate some money to and there you go just like
that the conkling machine was uh raking the money in arthur himself it was noted often turned up to
work at uh roughly noon and then left early So he himself didn't really do much.
He's a co-star. Exactly.
You can't blame a person for their personality.
The investigation delivered a damning
report. But Arthur
got off personally quite lightly.
He was given a slap on the wrist,
basically. He was told, turn up to
work more often, get rid of some of the staff
who clearly aren't actually doing any work,
and in future only employ decent employees.
Okay?
Like people who can actually do the job rather than
your political friends. Sorry, I
don't understand.
Well that was honestly the reaction of Arthur and
Conkling. It's like, what do you mean? Of course
we're going to give the jobs to our political allies. That's
what you're supposed to do. That's how it works.
Yeah. Anyway, Arthur was relieved.
He thought it could have gone worse it works. Yeah. Anyway, Arthur was relieved. He thought it could
have gone worse for him. Yeah. The power
of the Conkling faction had saved him, essentially.
It could have been worse, but Conkling
had got powerful enough that he was able
to move things in back rooms.
Yeah. However, Hayes was not
happy. Damn you.
I say he wasn't happy. I'm sure he was delighted.
Oh, yeah, yeah. But
he looked on the bright side. He saw this as an
opportunity. Could be worse. Yes.
He saw this as an opportunity to fire
Arthur. That's what he saw it as an opportunity
for. I'm so terribly sorry.
Yes. Arthur was going to be
replaced, he announced. Conkling was
furious. How dare you try and fire one of my
men. But he's great for Chester. One of my top men.
Yeah. Conkling
and his old mentor, Morgan,
both wrote outraged letters
to Hayes. Then Conkling, who really
had grown in power by this point, managed
to veto the appointment of
the man due to replace Arthur,
a man named Theodore Roosevelt
Senior. Not ringing any bells.
No, no. Well, we're not doing an episode
on him, so why would it?
Exactly. So Arthur still got the job.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yay!
Get rid of him.
And then he refuses to implement any of the findings of the investigation.
And wrote several strongly worded letters to the Treasury Secretary.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Yeah, pretty much.
The Treasury Secretary then leaked these to the press, just to show how bad Arthur was being.
Didn't go down well with the public, shall we say.
It was quite clear that he was just flouting the law.
Arthur defended himself.
It takes a while to reduce staff.
I can't do this overnight.
I will do it.
It's just taking a while, honest.
But public mood mattered.
And when Hayes attempted to remove Arthur for the second time, he was more successful.
Arthur loses his job.
Aww.
So he takes up his law practice once more,
which obviously is not going to give him anywhere near the amount of money he's now used to.
But it's fine, because he soon was given the job of chairman of the New York Republican Party.
There you go.
Because, can't click.
Yay!
Now, as the next election was drawing near,
this was an important role.
Arthur went into campaign mode.
He wrote to many state and federal employees,
asking them to donate certain amounts of money to the party.
This was not a request.
This was a remember this favour we gave you.
It's time to pay up.
Arthur drank whiskey and smoked cigars in back rooms
like there was no tomorrow.
His job sounds fantastic.
It really does.
The corruption's awful,
but I'm very jealous.
Yeah, he and Nell
ramped up the dinner parties.
By this time,
they had a daughter,
Ellen,
to go with little Jet.
Oh, I made that up, Mum.
Yeah.
Nell organised
countless dinners,
music recitals, parties
she kept detailed notes on who was who
in the party and high society
and who could help them and who
should be helped
so she's got the firefax out basically
she's organising
during most days Arthur would be found in his office
in the Fifth Avenue Hotel
at this time this was the
centre of Republican politics
in New York City. Imagine all those smoky
rooms with the wood panelling and
chandeliers. Just imagine that.
Just ramp it up a bit. Oh, wow.
Yeah. These are the shady
back rooms. Yeah. Nice.
Also, the biggest and most expensive restaurant
in New York was practically next
door. This was where all the robber barons
of the city would eat and discuss
politics. Arthur would share meals
with Conkling and Morgan
and Jay Gould. Remember him?
He's the guy behind the Black Friday.
Yeah, the mini thing. Yeah, he's in with all them.
Oh dear.
Yeah.
Anyway, this was more than just
a restaurant. This was called Down Monaco's.
And Down Monaco had main rooms, ballrooms, side rooms, private rooms, bathrooms.
You name the type of room they had it.
Silver chandeliers, gold gilded mirrors that were floor length all over the place.
This was fancy.
Wow.
Almost a bit too much, though.
Almost a bit too much.
A bit gaudy.
Wow. Almost a bit too much, though.
Almost a bit too much. A bit gaudy.
Yeah. It's a scene that the historian Carabelle says highlights the imbalance of the United States in the Gilded Age.
Oh, yeah.
These scenes of opulence were only minutes away, walking to the countless poor in New York City at this time.
They were literally struggling to get bread on the table.
at this time. They were literally struggling to get bread on the table
and then just a few minutes down the road
you've got this palace, essentially,
that the rich were...
It's nice now that those times have changed
so much. The fact that workers
get so well paid now,
fair pay. You know my mind so well.
I've done some research on this, don't worry.
The country,
the United States, had around
50 million people in the country at this point
and if you can imagine such a thing the top one percent of the country owned 90 of the wealth
that is a lot that is a lot yeah this this is even worse than the current situation because i did look
into this at the moment the top one percent of the United States have gone, guess what figure?
90%?
No, no, it's 40% of the wealth.
40?
40.
4-0.
Okay.
Which is a lot for just the top 1%, but certainly not what we saw in the Gilded Age.
However, this 40% has been raising rapidly since the 1980s.
Yeah.
And has suddenly spiked in the last few years.
Really?
Yeah.
If it continues at the speed that it is increasing right now,
we're going to be at the 90% figure within about 15 years.
Wow.
Yeah.
Again, second Gilded Age.
Yeah.
It's really going in that direction.
It's amazing what tax reforms can do, isn't it?
Yeah.
But we'll get into that in a couple of years.
Yes, we will.
When we get to the end of the series.
Anyway, back to Arthur's time.
He's enjoying the high life, as you can imagine.
And the next election then comes around.
Hayes does not run again, as we saw.
But to Arthur and Conkling's horror,
Blaine from Maine announces that he is going to run personally.
So the Arthurs go into overdrive on behalf of the Conkling faction,
attempting to make sure that they can do anything to stop Blaine from winning.
However, Nell then gets ill.
She develops a cold and she's dead within two days.
What?
Yeah, it just happens like that.
Just like the sun.
No warning. She gets a cold. Pneum like that. Just like the sun. No warning.
She gets a cold.
Pneumonia kills her off within two days.
Wow.
Yeah.
You can imagine the devastation of Arthur.
And it's always hard to judge relationships through time when the details aren't really there.
We only get the tactical information, don't we, I guess.
Yeah.
But you do get the impression with Arthur
that he was closer to his wife
than quite a lot of the presidents we've covered.
Yeah. You get the feeling that they were
a real partnership. They worked together.
They mutually benefited from each other
in the ways that you certainly
didn't see with the likes of Johnson, who
put his wife away and we never saw her again.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
So, he was utterly devastated.
His friends supported him as they could.
In a show of how powerful the Conkling faction had become,
Nell's funeral was attended by ex-governors, judges, state senators,
all the rich and powerful of the city turned up for Nell's funeral.
Wow.
I mean, they'd been hosting these parties for ages.
Oh, yeah, I guess.
They were well known. Yeah, they'd been hosting these parties for ages. They were well known.
Yeah, they'd known him for years.
So after a period of being visibly
distressed and shunning everyone,
Arthur was then encouraged to take his
mind off things. Come on, this election
is really getting close now. Why don't you
throw yourself into the election? After all,
the Republican convention is now upon us,
he was told. It's time to go
to Chicago. Blaine's going to make his move. We've got to stop was told. It's time to go to Chicago.
Blaine's going to make his move.
We've got to stop him. So the New Yorkers head to Chicago to make sure that anyone but Blaine gets the nomination.
Preferably Grant.
If they can get Grant in for a third term.
Well, Grant didn't stop the corruption before.
Oh, no.
They ran circles around him, to be honest.
So, I mean, that would be brilliant if we could get Grant in.
Ideal candidate.
Yeah.
And then we have the convention that we covered in Garfield's episode.
The fighty-shouty one.
Yes, exactly.
Where Conkling attempted to change the voting rules to make it easier for Grant's supporters to win.
And then Garfield blocked him and there was lots of arguing.
Then the voting took place.
Blaine was blocked by the Conkling faction.
But then Blaine's faction swung their support
by the Dark Horse candidate Garfield,
and he takes the nomination.
Short version of that.
Nice.
However, we do have some more to discuss,
because now we get to see what happens with Arthur
and how he becomes the vice president.
Yeah.
Now, Conkling, as we have seen,
was not best pleased with what had happened.
Okay, Blaine hadn't got the nomination, but...
He'd been undermined. He had, yeah.
So he wasn't happy, and he was going to
be less happy with what was about to follow.
The new nominee, Garfield
and his friends, decided
that the best course of action would be
to get the Stalwarts on side
by giving the vice president position
to a conkling man.
They're all looking a bit grumpy at the moment.
Let's cheer them up a bit.
That way, maybe they'll swing behind us.
Now, Garfield...
Bring in the clown!
Well, Garfield favoured a New York banker named Levi Morton.
Garfield, worried that Conkling may be up to something,
wanted to move quickly.
So he sent word to Morton, offering him the post.
Do you want to be my VP?
Morton refused.
Nope. No, I'm not getting drawn into
this unless Conkling gives me the
okay, is what he essentially says.
So that's happening on the floor of the convention.
That would make a very awkward
working environment, wouldn't it?
Yes. As well, afterwards. It would.
But we'll get into that. So that's happening
on the floor of the convention.
At the same time, Conkling was talking to a group of men in a back room somewhere,
making it very clear that he wanted nothing to do with the Garfield administration
or any offer of the vice presidency.
I'll quote what he said here.
I hope no sincere friend of mine will accept such a post.
Ha ha ha.
Yeah.
Is this a setup?
No.
No, he's genuinely...
Conkling, yeah, Conkling's saying,
no one, none of you guys in my faction
accept the vice presidency.
Is Chet in there?
What, listening to that conversation?
Yeah.
No, because he's somewhere else.
Oh, he's accepting the vice presidency.
Not quite, but it's not far off.
Shortly after this, the Ohio delegation came to Conkling and suggested to him, well, why don't you choose the vice-presidency. Not quite, but it's not far off. Shortly after this, the Ohio delegation
came to Conkling and suggested to him, well, why don't you choose the vice-president? I know you
said you want nothing to do with it, but if you've got full choice, how about you do that? Word soon
spreads that Conkling is being given the opportunity to choose. And then Arthur hears this
and thinks, well, actually, if it's going to be a Conkling man, I'm essentially Conkling's right-hand man. I'm his lieutenant. Well, why don't I go for it, though? I quite
fancy that job, he thinks. So he decides to act. He lets it be known to a couple of friends of his,
his friends being the current police commissioner of New York City and a former chief of the United
States Custom House. He has friends at night places.
Anyway, he lets them know that, yeah, I'd be willing to be vice president.
Like wildfire, that rumor starts to spread through the convention.
And soon enough, the New York delegates are being told,
vote for Arthur, we're going for Arthur.
Arthur realized, ah, I need to go and tell Conkling this before he hears it from someone else.
Yeah, because he's not given the okay,
and now everyone's talking about me being vice president.
So he heads down to the floor of the convention
and searches for Conkling but can't find him.
Eventually, after he's walking past Conkling with a hand up over his eyes,
oh, I can't find him anywhere.
What a shame.
No, no, he really does want to go and find Conkling
because he knows how angry Conkling's going to be.
He gets may shouts.
Yeah, so eventually he finds
Conkling in a back room somewhere.
So yeah, another literal back room this time
full of smoke, wood panelling chandelier.
Yeah, Conkling apparently is pacing the room
fuming at the Garfield victory.
Now a reporter named William Hudson
was also at this convention
and 30 years later
He recounts the conversation that took place
So this might be all made up
But it's a great amount of detail we suddenly get
So I'm including it
Yeah, use it
So this is the conversation
Arthur walks in
I've been looking everywhere for you, Senator
Frustrated, Conkling stops pacing
And simply replied,
well, sir, and then carries on pacing. The Ohio men have offered me the vice presidency.
Well, sir, you should drop it like you would a red hot shoe from the forge.
Arthur, knowing that Conkling was about to blow, replied, I sought to consult you, not to,
but then Conkling started shouting over him.
What is there to consult about?
This trickster Garfield we defeated before the country.
So he's going to lose the election anyway,
why bother going for the vice presidency?
Arthur tried again.
There is something else to be said.
What, sir, you think of accepting?
The office of vice presidency is a greater honour
than I ever dreamed of attending. Even a of vice-presidency is a greater honour than I ever
dreamed of attending. Even a baron nomination would be a great honour. In a calmer moment,
you will look at this differently. Conkling apparently simply stared for a while, and then
said, if you wish for my favour and my respect, you will contemptuously decline it. Arthur,
equally frustrated, replied,
I shall accept the nomination.
I shall carry with me the majority of the delegation.
And at this point, Conkling storms out the room.
Tense.
This wasn't full-blown rebellion by Arthur, however.
No.
He had, like I say, for some time been seen as the number two in the Conkling faction.
He was arguably closer to Conkling than any other man in the party.
And he genuinely believed that Conkling was just in a bad mood.
And he would very soon realise that having a man in the government would be a good thing.
Why throw away this chance?
Meanwhile, in the convention, the idea of Arthur as the vice president was starting to spread, and it was not going down well.
Oh, no, no, no.
Yeah.
Arthur, that partisan hack who's wrapped up in all the corruption all the time, no.
Why on earth would we want him was essentially the reaction.
However, the New York delegation soon made it very clear.
We will have our man, or we will not support Garfield.
The Democrats are very strong in New York.
And without us, you will lose the state in the election.
If you lose the state in the election, you will lose the election.
This is going to be tight.
You can't afford to lose New York.
So, yes, it will be a Congolese man or Garfield loses.
Fair enough.
Is pretty much what everyone says.
Yes. Yes.
Right.
A lot of people grit their teeth,
hold their nose,
and vote for Arthur.
After all, vice presidency,
not a real job anyway.
Yeah, that's true.
Perfect for Arthur.
Doesn't really matter.
Apparently, Arthur was very excited,
but also quickly feared
that maybe the task might be a bit too much.
I'm going to have to do something?
He obviously went, yeah, I'll be vice president.
Oh.
Yeah, he apparently retreated back to his house
when he got back to New York, avoiding crowds.
Don't forget, Nell had not died long before.
He's still grieving at this point.
Apparently, when he walked back in the house,
he burst into tears when he
suddenly remembered that he wasn't able to tell Nell
the good news.
Then the events that we covered
in Garfield's episode plays out.
Remember Garfield realises
he's got to get Conkling
on side. So then comes
to New York to meet with Conkling.
Conkling then disappears
if you remember.
He just refuses to get involved.
It's all a bit strange.
Whoever he's trying to distance himself,
some kind of power play.
But Arthur has to pick up the pieces.
So Garfield is dealing with Arthur and a couple of other high-up members
in the Conkling faction.
Like we covered, we don't know what was agreed,
but some shady backroom deals happened.
And in the end, it's decided that, yes, they would get behind Garfield for certain.
So after this, Arthur wines, he dines, he eats meals in the Dalmonico.
He corresponded.
More backroom deals, lots of whiskey, lots of cigars.
More networking.
Yeah, do a whole montage of that.
He's doing this on his own now.
You know, he's not doing it now thatell there, you know, helping with the organisation.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it must have been hard for him.
Or that whiskey and cigar thing.
He has been doing this a lot.
He's probably good at drinking whiskey and smoking cigars by this point.
Anyway, with the stalwarts' help, Garfield wins the election.
Just, if you remember, it was incredibly close.
He becomes the president-elect.
Arthur becomes the vice-president-elect.
After the election, a celebratory dinner was held
for a Republican who had gone to the swing state of Indiana
to help make sure that they voted Republican.
Now, the vice-president nominee for the Democrats was from Indiana,
so the state was very much in flux.
No one could call it. So the
Republicans sent a lot of men to Indiana to grease some wheels, shall we say. Just push over the edge.
Yeah. The man in charge of it all was a man named Dosey. And he was very good at his job. He
campaigned very well. And he also, to put it bluntly, bought a lot of votes. Oh, yeah. Oh, yes. Anyway, Arthur stood up at this reception to congratulate Dosey.
He'd done a good job.
Now, this room was packed with prominent Republicans from New York.
Also, many of the robber barons.
J.P. Morgan was there.
Along with members of the press, this was a big event.
Anyway, Arthur starts his speech.
I don't think we'd better go in to the minute secrets of the campaign in Indiana
because I see the reporters are present.
You cannot tell what they might think of it
because the inauguration has not taken place.
If I should get to going about the secrets of a campaign,
there's no saying what I might say to make trouble between now and the 4th of March.
That's funny.
Yeah.
He was apparently quite drunk whilst delivering the speech.
Brilliant.
He just stood up and went, yeah, guys, remember all the corruption?
Shh.
Yeah.
Remember the good old days?
Last week.
Yeah.
At this point, several drunken guests started shouting the word soap.
Soap was the term used for buying votes at the time.
They're literally chanting corruption and they're celebrating it.
Arthur then continued,
If it were not for the reporters, don't worry, I'd tell you the truth.
Yeah, all of this is written down and published in the paper.
Oh, fantastic.
Yeah.
Garfield was not impressed, shall we say.
Remember, the election was insanely close.
Yeah.
So the fact that the vice president-elect is now bragging about buying votes to win the election.
It's not a good look.
No, but Arthur's been through a troubling time.
He's been stressful.
His wife died. You know, he's clearly
upset by that. He's getting drunk because he can.
And sometimes it's hard
to remember not to blurt out the obvious
blatant corruption out loud in front of
reporters. But that happens, doesn't it?
It does happen. It naturally happens sometimes.
We've seen it. We've seen it happen.
Have we ever? I think so, yeah.
I think so, yeah.
Anyway.
Not in this day and age.
Yeah.
Anyway, then the events of Garfield's second episode play out.
If you remember the fight between Conkling and Garfield heat up.
Yeah.
Arthur is banned from the White House because Garfield cannot stand Arthur.
That's really funny.
Yeah.
Because Garfield cannot stand Arthur.
That's really funny.
Yeah.
You may also remember that Garfield almost caved into Conkling's pressure when it came to the time where Garfield had to appoint various people in New York.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Garfield appoints all Conkling men, or at least puts the names forward to the Senate,
but then changes his mind last minute and offers the prime job to one of Conkling's political rivals.
I mentioned this last time, but this prime job is actually Arthur's old job. It's the custom house
job. So that job is now being offered to a man named Robertson, who Conkling despises. Conkling
reacted, as per usual, outraged. Right. Didn't they have a meeting? Didn't you go
and meet Garfield? Yes, and shouted at him for a long time. But what I left out, just for time
reasons really, I wanted to get into him being shot. And I thought it might work better here.
So what I left out was how that argument resolved. Because Conkling does something in his power play
with Garfield. If you remember, there was talk
in the press, if Robinson
gets the job, Garfield is the president.
Yeah. If Robinson doesn't get the
job, Conkling essentially
is running the country. Yeah.
But Garfield, if you remember,
just refuses to back down and does quite well.
So, Conkling
pulls a surprise move.
What do you think he does?
Breakdance.
That would have been surprising, yes.
But no.
Oh, okay.
He resigns from the Senate.
Why?
Is pretty much everyone's response.
Now, in Conkling's head, he thinks,
I will resign.
I will force my fellow New York senator to resign as well
because I've got that much power.
Then there will be a quick election to replace us.
We will both run for the seats
and we will get the positions back.
And this will be just a show of power to Garfield.
It's like, you can't get rid of me.
Even if I lose my seat, I will come back straight away.
It's just a show of force, that's all it is.
So he just retires.
As does the other New York senator, a man named Platt,
who soon gets the nickname Me Too Platt because he resigned as well.
But no one cared.
Yeah, however, the plan very quickly hits a snag.
Doesn't get voted back in.
Well, the reason why the narcissistic, pedantic, angry man that was Conkling had so many followers was because he had power.
Oh.
And he fell into that trap that many unpleasant people with power start to believe,
that people follow them because they're nice people or they're really talented.
No, it was just the power.
Yeah.
people or they're really talented no it's it was just the power yeah and as soon as conkling steps away from the power uh people start stepping away from him oh dear yeah now arthur worked really
hard to get conkling and platt re-elected remember he's the vice president yeah but he pretty much
gives up on the vice presidency to work on campaigning for these senators, maybe Conkling.
The newspapers notice this and start ripping Arthur apart.
One reporter wrote, he lobbied like any political henchman.
It's like, why is the vice president just paying for bar taps and organising carriages for an ex-senator?
Well, he's outright saying it. It's like, Arthur is Conkling's female dog.
Yes, exactly.
It doesn't matter how hard they're campaigning and pushing.
The rumours are not good.
It doesn't look like they're going to do well.
It did not help that when the three men were in Albany,
Platt decided to sneak his mistress into his hotel room.
But the woman was spotted by someone who worked in the hotel
who was sympathetic with the half-breed faction.
The half-breeds were noted and one of the half-breed Republicans decided to get a ladder and climb the outside of the hotel to have a sneak in the room just to see what was going on.
You get the impression the others were like, we know what's going on.
A woman turned up in the middle of the night.
What do you think's going on? Benjamin, get down. Benjamin, down from the ladder. Oh, what's going on. A woman turned up in the middle of the night. What do you think's going on?
Benjamin, get down. Benjamin, down from the ladder.
Oh, he's already up. He's got a camera
with him. Put the tongue back in
your mouth.
Yeah. They then
slipped a note under Platt's
door. A quote, we will give you
ten minutes to get out of that room.
Yours, etc. The half-breeds.
Yeah. Platt's campaign was over yeah yeah this did not look good see in my head i guess slightly romanticized views like people
used to do that all the time it wasn't really a problem but i guess it's still very secretive
yeah it is odd because considering some of the things these people get up to and publicly brag
about um having an affair doesn't seem...
I guess it gives them moral high ground, especially in an election.
Yeah, yeah.
So it was already a shaky election.
They're already struggling.
And then, like, Platt's campaign's over.
This leaves Conkling pretty much on his own, his support drying up.
Arthur convinced his friend,
perhaps we should get out of Albany for a bit.
Let's head back to New York, regroup. Yes, I know this looks bad, but don't worry, it will be fine.
I'm guessing then Conkling and Arthur must have made up again at some point.
Oh yeah, yeah, there was tension, but like I say, Conkling was an angry man. He'd blow up at people
a lot. So yeah, no, him refusing to meet Garfield just seems petty. He doesn't stop Arthur and the rest of his faction
deciding to work with Garfield to begin with.
So yeah, they patch things up.
Anyway, Conkling agrees with Arthur.
Yeah, he's right.
Let's go back to New York.
Let's regroup.
Let's figure out how we win this election
because I need to win this election.
So they board a steamboat
and they spend the night heading back to New York City.
Just as the steamboat was pulling into the city, however,
the news spread around the boat like wildfire.
The president had been shot,
and the shooter had declared,
I am a stalwart, and Arthur will be president.
Holy f...
Cut to black.
End of part one.
Nice.
So there you go.
Can you imagine getting that
news? It's like, the
president's dead. And the person
did it in my name. Oh.
Oh dear. I didn't even really
want this job anyway.
So there you go. That's our for so far.
Yeah. I'm surprised
he's not that well known. I thought it would have been really
sort of like he was really corrupt.
Well, I guess leading up to his presidency rather than his presidency well what do you think his
presidency will be like well everyone's forgettable so i guess nothing much happens i'm guessing there
is but it's sort of like through the mists of time seen as somewhat irrelevant yeah it's interesting
let's say yeah no i i quite like the story it's a bit different yeah it was nice after a four or five episodes worth
of research um hearing about conkling uh on the periphery we get to really dive into his faction
now and just see what life was like for these people just living the high life in new york city
just raking in the cash it's very different isn't it yeah well that is the end of part one um thank
you very much for listening
yeah hope you enjoyed it thanks for downloading us on pop bean and itunes and thanks for following
us on facebook and twitter yes and please please do leave some reviews more so than usual in fact
i'm gonna say if you've not left one yet if you could it would be great because podcasts now have
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we get further up and more people will spot us and we will grow like fungus all over the american
podcast network yes exactly which would be good yeah right so if you could do that that'd be great
and i don't think any announcements this week no i, I don't think so. No competitions. We've got to change what names for the chairs.
We have, yeah.
The chairs we now have are called Setonius.
And Comfianus.
Yeah, and if you don't listen to our Roman series,
then you'll have no idea what we're talking about.
This is big news in our other podcast.
These chairs are awesome.
Yeah.
Anyway, great.
Thank you very much for listening then.
And until next time.
Don't be a robber baron.
Don't. Seriously, don't. Yeah. very much for listening then. And until next time. Don't be a robber baron. You don't.
Seriously, don't.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Bye.
Bye.
Arthur?
Yes, Garfield.
How can I?
Sorry, Mr. President, how can I help?
You don't look very happy.
You appear to be...
You're a cross, aren't you, Mr. President?
I'm not best pleased, Arthur, it must be said.
I don't want our president-vice president relationship
to get off on the wrong foot.
I think it's been splendid so far.
You gave me a load of cheeses when I first started.
Very pleasant.
Yes, well, it's the speech.
The speech?
The speech you gave last week.
I've just read what you said.
The speech?
I don't remember giving a speech.
Yes, that doesn't surprise me.
Well, what was so bad about it?
Well, you said in front of reporters
that you had best not talk in front of reporters about what actually went on in Indiana.
In Indiana?
Yes.
You mean without?
Yes, yes.
Oh.
What did I say?
It wasn't so much at that point what you were saying.
It was more the nudges you kept giving to people and the over-the-top winks.
Did I mention my soap business?
Arthur, you started handing out physical bars of soap.
The suds were everywhere.
Then you started rubbing one bar of soap, it says here, on one of the reporters,
yelling, soapy, soapy,y soap get a load of all the
soap will it get rid of all the corruption no that's what the soap is for oh god i wondered
why i woke up the next morning smelling faint of lilac i didn't do anything else did did i
unfortunately according to witnesses this is when you jumped on the table, started throwing the bottles of champagne at people,
saying the drinks are on me.
If I can afford all the votes of Indiana,
I can certainly afford some champagne.
Do you...
Do you think anyone noticed?
This is not an internal report I'm reading, Arthur.
This is the New York Herald.
Oh, bugger.
We pause this podcast because someone is being chased through the gardens by police.
It's Gary!
I lost my pen now, Nick Simon.