An Army of Normal Folks - Flagging Parents for Parental Interference

Episode Date: May 24, 2024

For our "Shop Talk" series, Coach Bill Courtney gives his hot take on a topic that a listener recommended he address... travel youth sports.  Support the show: https://www.normalfolks.us/premiumSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey everybody, it's Bill Courtney and this is Shop Talk number 11. Number 11 Alex, I'm not even going to say I can't believe we already did on 11 because you're going to give me crap. Shop Talk number 11, as everybody knows I've coached a lot, right? 31 years of football, but what you may not know is I've also coached soccer, swimming, baseball, and a lot of basketball, a lot of basketball. But in football, there's a play that pretty much everybody knows is called interference. It's when a defensive back or linebacker hits

a receiver prior to the ball arriving and flag a stone. It's 15 yard penalty. It's one of the larger penalties you can get in the game of football. Interference is a problem and you get penalized for it. And sometimes it can change the outcome of the game. So in chat talk number 11 today, we're gonna talk about an infraction that can change the game, and it's called parental interference. That's coming up. But first, a few messages from our generous sponsors.

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What in the world am I talking about? I don't know. It was a couple of weeks ago. I can't even, Alex, who was the conversation with? Do you remember? It was a Robert Hill, maybe? Was it right? No, it wasn't Robert Hill.

It was a listener. A listener. That's right. Should actually pull this up. A couple of weeks ago, a listener out of the blue just said, you know, at the end, I say, if you got any thoughts or wanna talk about it, and it's, so I get an email.

Jim Lam. And Jim Lam, if you're out there, Jim, this is a shout out to you. Here's what he said, love your podcast, including Shop Talk. I would really like to hear your thoughts on the world of travel youth sports. Here in Missouri, we also refer to them as club sports.

It seems like so many parents are spending so much money on club fees, uniforms, equipment, travel costs, hotels, airfare, gas, think their, hotels, airfare, gas. Think their kid's going to be the next superstar or get that full ride scholarship or be a pro. Yet in reality, the club team had so many people try out for their level four team, they just added a fifth team and collected more money. I think these kids spend too much time playing one sport year round and should experience different sports and different experiences. Bill, what say you?

From Jim Lam in St. Louis, Missouri. So you asked and this shop talks for you Jim. Parental interference. Guys, I've had four kids, they've all played every sport imaginable, and I've coached all of them. And I lettered in six sports in high school. The greatest memories I have as a kid playing sports was that every season brought something new.

And the greatest experience I had as a parent is that every season brought something new for my kids to do. And the muscle memory and the lessons you learn playing soccer are completely different than the muscle memory and the lessons you learn playing baseball or softball, which are completely different from the muscle memory and the lessons you learn playing basketball. And because each sport comes with a different coach, the life lessons you learn and the perspective you get changes with every team that you're on because your teammates are different and your coach is different. And that really broad, wide cross-section of lessons for both your body

and for you socially, I think is paramount to your growth. I've had one kid get invited to try out for the United States Junior Olympic Soccer Team. And other kids get invited to play on, you know, high, high level, quote, travel teams. And we always declined. And the reason we declined is we wanted our kids to have that broad look at sports and that that broad experience of being mentored by different coaches with different perspectives, different ideas, and different lessons. So Jim, I couldn't agree with you more. When we pinhole kids into one sport and we spend umpteen thousands of dollars on private lessons for that

one sport and then the travel club teams for that one sport and we shove that kid into all year long one sport, I think we rob our kids of growth. And further, I think it becomes more of a job to the kid oftentimes than it is fun. It's a 15-yard penalty for parental interference. Let your kids learn. Let your kids grow. Let them be part of varied experiences. Don't pigeonhole them. Here's the truth, 99.7% of the kids in all ages playing U Sports today

from first grade through their senior year in high school, 99.7% of them will never make $1 playing any sport. That means that 99.7% of the kids playing U Sports today all the way through high school are going to have to make a living doing something other than playing a sport. And the lessons they learn in a broad world are gonna serve them far better than if they're pigeonholed and tracked in one sport.

The other thing that happens in these worlds that I see, obviously, is helicopter parading. And that's revolting. We need to let our kids skin their knees. We need to let our kids fail. And we need to let our kids be put on the bench. That may be one of the greatest lessons of life is what do you have to do to get yourself off the bench. And that's improve and work hard and learn. And we can't be going to the coach every time our kid gets benched because it hurts our feelings. Let your kids' feelings get hurt. Let them skin their knees. Let them learn life lessons that these things are supposed to teach in the first place that

will last long after the days of kicking the ball or hitting the ball or swinging the bat or making the tackle or whatever are gone. The other thing is please don't live vicariously through your children's sports endeavors. Nobody wants to hear about a high school hero. Whatever you did in high school, don't try to relive it for their kids or whatever you didn't accomplish in high school and wish you had. Don't try to achieve that dream later in life through your kids. It's gross. Everybody sees it, but most importantly, kid feels it, puts undue pressure on them, takes the fun of the game away from them, takes

the learning away, and will make them resent both the sport and you. That happens. 31 years of coaching, I've seen it all. I've seen great parents, I've seen terrible parents, I've seen helicopter parents, I've seen terrible parents, I've seen helicopter parents, I've seen, seen vicarious living parents, I've seen it all. It runs the gamut. Our children need a broad spectrum of lessons and that comes with allowing them to be involved in a broad spectrum of stuff. The arts, theater, music lessons, certainly sports, student government, all of the things that are available to them to help them grow and to help them learn lessons from a varied diverse group of teachers and mentors. Don't

have parental interference. Don't take away the opportunity for your kids to catch those lessons by tackling them before that ball, before those lessons are even able to reach them. I do think that most parents involved in all of this stuff are well intentioned and do just want the best for their kids. But oftentimes our desire for our kids manifests themselves in a way that isn't healthy. Let your kids do what they want to do. Let your kids get involved in all kinds of different things. Support those endeavors. Let them fail, let them skin their knees, let them be benched, let them be second fiddle. And where you come in as a parent is you work with them and teach them how to get off the

bench, how not to fall the next time. Teach them how to compete, teach them how to be a good teammate. Teach them how to come back from failing. And then teach them how to rejoice in the successes of improvement. Don't be a parental interferer. So Jim from St. Louis, that's what I think about what you said. I appreciate the question and I hope Shop Talk has answered at least my perspective

on your question. That's Shop Talk number 11 everybody. I'm Bill Courtney. Don't be a parental interferer. I'll see you next week.