An Army of Normal Folks - I Wasn't Listening

Episode Date: May 31, 2024

Not well enough at least. For "Shop Talk," Coach Bill Courtney gets vulnerable. Support the show: https://www.normalfolks.us/premiumSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey everybody, it's Bill Courtney with Shop Talk Number 12. Today we're going to talk about something that I've known for a long time, but actually this podcast has re-taught me, and I'm going to say I haven't fully learned my lesson yet, but I'm working on it. And it's about controlling a conversation and who does that. A lesson I learned early on in sales and a lesson I learned early on in doing this podcast. A lesson I try to remind myself every day of. And I think it'll be interesting.

Who controls the conversation? Shop Talk number 12. Now a few messages from our generous sponsors, but first for our premium members, I'm about to have my yearly call with the group on June 18th. So if you're interested in joining in, make sure to sign up to be a premium member today at normalfolks.us and join in on the June 18th group talk where really I'm just gonna chat with the listeners who are premium members, answer questions, laugh, maybe tell a joke or two, and I might even let Alex talk. So June 18th is the group talk with all premium members.

If you're interested, join up and become a premium member today at normalfolks.us. Just a second after a few messages from our sponsors, we'll be right back to talk about who controls the conversation. Last season, millions tuned into the Betrayal podcast to hear a shocking story of deception. I'm Andrea Gunning, and now we're sharing an all-new story of betrayal. Stacey thought she had the perfect husband. Doctor, father, family man. It was the perfect cover for Justin Rutherford to hide behind.

They led me into the house and I mean it was like a movie. He was sitting at our kitchen table. The cops were guarding him. Stacy learned how far her husband would go to save himself. and how far her husband would go to save himself. I slept with a loaded gun next to my bed. He did not just say, I wish he was dead. He actually gave details and explained different scenarios on how to kill him. He, to me, is scarier than Jeffrey Dahmer. Listen to Betrayal on the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Gets in your head, right?

Good. Because every year, dozens of children are forgotten in the backseat of a car by a parent or caregiver. I never thought I'd take my three young kids to Sicily to solve a century-old mystery, but that's what I'm doing in my new podcast, The Sicilian Inheritance. Join us as we travel thousands of miles on the beautiful and crazy island of Sicily as I trace my roots back through a mystery for the ages and untangle clues within my family's origin story, which is morphed like a game of telephone through the generations. Was our family matriarch killed in a land deal gone wrong?

Or was it by the Sicilian mafia? A lover's quarrel? Or was she, as my father believed, a witch? Listen to The Sicilian Inheritance on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everybody, Bill Courtney back with you on Shop Talk number 12. back with you on shop talk number 12. So I'm an inquisitive guy. I like people. I like stories and I love to understand or try to understand where people are coming from, what their perspective is, what makes them tick. It's just a natural kind of curiosity. I mean, I am a real life curious George. When I first started, well, go back when Alex came to me and said, hey,

I want you to host this show called an army of normal folks. And we're going to try to grow this group of people into a literal army of people celebrating one another, doing pretty cool stuff across country. We're gonna promote it well, we're gonna produce it well. It'll be something that makes you laugh, makes you cry, makes you think, and hopefully also be inspirational. You know, I said, okay, great.

You know, I own a lumber business and I'm a football coach never taken a journalism class never take a debate class never interviewed anybody been interviewed a bunch but never interviewed anybody and I said sure what's the big deal have some conversations and oh my gosh Alex lined up our first three, four, five interviews, some amazing guests. We went to Vegas and talked to John Ponder and I'm still just absolutely blown away by that guy. In any way, you know, I approached the deal with having a conversation and in doing so,

I might have interrupted our guests 150 times in the two hours I was with them. Stepped all over them, interrupted their thoughts. Didn't let them get their points across until I was listening to something and chasing a squirrel up a tree, wanting to know the next thing and... Good grief. It was awful. I did such a bad job of listening. I did a bad job of listening. And what frustrates me most about that is I'm a sales guy. And you have to listen to sell.

I'm a father. You have to listen to properly father your children. I'm a husband. You best listen to your spouse. I'm a business owner. You best listen to your children. I'm a father. I'm a father. You have to listen to properly father your children. I'm a husband. You best listen to your spouse.

I'm a business owner. You best listen to your customers, your employees. I'm a football coach. You better listen to what your players are telling you. And so listening has been a paramount thing in my life, but then I started, when these things went public and they went on air and I started listening to myself, what I started listening to was me being a bad listener. So I did my best to correct and I continue to have to push myself to correct because my

typical curious inquisitive nature I can't wait to ask the next question because I'm so interested but I end up stepping on people in that and I never really knew how poor of a job I did until I listened to myself on a recording and found out how much work I had to do so why is this important because the person asking the questions and doing the listening is the one actually controlling a conversation. Why does that matter? Well, because if you want to be successful in business and you want to be successful in sales and you want to be successful as a spouse and you want to be successful as a parent, you want to be successful engaging in community, you want to be successful as

a coach or whatever it is you do. You got to get information. You got to get information that helps you craft or form the best approach toward any situation that you want to make better or be good at. And the only way you get information is by asking questions, but the only way you're going to assimilate that information is by once you ask a question, shut up and listen. The other thing about controlling a conversation is by asking questions, the person you're talking to, you are actually directing where that

conversation is going to go. When I ask a question you're going to respond to me about that information and then if I ask another question you respond to me about that information. So the one who actually asks questions and listens is the one controlling the conversation. Many people would say the one talking is the one because they're dominating the number of words people would say the one talking is the one because they're dominating the number of words being used. The one talking is actually controlling conversations, but it's not. It's one asking the questions and listening because they're directing where the conversation goes by virtue of the questions they ask. And I was doing a poor job of it.

And I've known this principle my whole life. And yet, I did a poor job of it. And so then I went to my wife and my kids and I said, you know, I'm hearing myself on this dadgum podcast. I'm stepping over my guests. I'm doing a terrible job listening. I'm really working on it. And they're like, yeah. I'm like, what do you mean, yeah?

They said, of course you are. That's how you do us. I'm like, oh, shut up. So then I go to the office and I'm like, dude, can you believe that I'm listening to this thing and I'm stepping on my guests and I'm not really fully listening to answer the questions before asking other questions?

And then I went to Lisa and the kids and they said, well, no kidding, dad, duh, that's how you do. And I'm like, you know, I may need y'all to straighten out these kids and they're like, what are you talking about, Bill? It's exactly how you interact with us. And I was like, oh my gosh, the whole time, I have adhered to this paramount fundamental that the person asking the questions and listening is controlling conversations and I know it in my brain but I wasn't putting it to good use in and around my family and my business

and on this podcast. So I'm working on it trying to get better trying to let people complete their thoughts before going to the next question. I'm trying to suppress my natural curiosity and acquisitiveness long enough to actually listen to the answer that I asked for in the first place. I got a lot of work to do but I got to remember listening is how you control the conversation. It's where you garner information from, and it's how you get the information to craft the best action response to anything you're working in.

And I wanted to share that with you guys. Are you listening to your spouse? Are you listening to your kids? Are you listening to your employees? Are you listening to the people you're trying to serve or coach? Are you listening to your kids? Are you listening to your employees? Are you listening to people you're trying to serve or coach? Are you listening to your best friends? Are you asking open-ended questions and then giving people enough time to breathe and give you the answer to that conversation so that you can get all the information you need and in fact control conversations.

So Shop Talk number 12 is a little bit about my own personal growth and my need to be a better listener so that I can form better actionable items in order to garner the information to be the most effective version of myself. The one asking the questions and shutting up listening, ultimately is always the one in control. I hope you'll think about it. I'm Bill Courtney. I'll see you next week. Last season, millions tuned into the Betrayal podcast to hear a shocking story of deception. I'm Andrea Gunning, and now we're sharing an all new story of deception. I'm Andrea Gunning and now we're sharing an all-new story

of betrayal. Justin Rutherford. Doctor, father, family man. It was the perfect cover to hide behind. Detective Weaver said I'm sure you know why we're here. I was like what in the world is going on? Listen to betrayal on the iHeart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to season nine of Next Question with me, Katie Couric. I've got some big news to share with you in our season premiere,

featuring the one and only Kris Jenner. Oh my gosh, congratulations. That is very, very exciting. And that's just the beginning. We'll also be joined by podcast hosts, Jay Shetty, Hillary Clinton, Renee Flemming, Liz Cheney, and many more. So come on in, take a break from the incessant negativity for a weekly dose of fascinating conversations.

Some of them I promise will actually put you in a good mood. Listen to Next Question with me, Katie Couric, on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I never thought I'd take my three young kids to Sicily to solve a century-old mystery. But that's what I'm doing in my new podcast, The Sicilian Inheritance. Join us as we travel thousands of miles on the beautiful and crazy island of Sicily as I trace my roots back through a mystery for the ages and untangle clues within my family's origin story, which is morphed like a game of telephone through the generations. Was our family matriarch killed in a land

deal gone wrong? Or was it by the Sicilian mafia? A lover's quarrel? Or was she, as my father believed, a witch? Listen to The Sicilian Inheritance on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.