An Army of Normal Folks - Troy and Erica Andrews: Be A Constant in a Child’s Life (Pt 1)

Episode Date: November 28, 2023

After suffering through a failed adoption, Troy and Erica put themselves through the process again. It’s a wild story with twists and turns that would have led many to give up, but not these two. Today, there’s around 117,000 kids waiting to be adopted. Support the show: https://www.normalfolks.us/premiumSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I sat outside the courtroom with her for about an hour and a half, two hours, her asking me questions. And because we knew we didn't want to, yes, we said we can't just take this child, if there's this mom out there who might be looking for a child or whatever, but she showed up with a black guy in Missing Front teeth. I was like, okay, we're going to rescue this child. Yeah, she was a little mess. Yeah, she was coming from a hard time. Welcome to an army of normal folks. I'm Bill Courtney. I'm a normal guy. I'm a husband, a father, an entrepreneur, and I've been a football coach in intercity Memphis in the last part,

it unintentionally led to an Oscar for the film about our team. It's called undefeated. I believe our country's problems will never be solved by a bunch of fancy people in nice suits talking big words that nobody understands on CNN and Fox, but rather an army of normal folks us just you and me deciding, hey, I can help. That's what Erica and Troy Andrews, the voices we just heard have done. First, suffering through a failed adoption, they put themselves through the process again to rescue a child.

It's a wild story of love with twists and turns that would have led most to give up, but not these to you. I can't wait for you to meet the Andries right after these brief messages from our Hi, I'm Daniel Tosh, host of a new podcast called Tosh Show, brought to you by I Heart Podcasts. Why am I getting into the podcast game now? Well, it seemed like the best way to let my family know what I'm up to instead of visiting or being part of their incessant group text.

I'll be interviewing people that I find interesting, so not celebrities, and certainly not comedians. I'll be interviewing my plumber, my stylist, my wife's gynecologist. We'll be covering topics like religion, travel, sports, gambling, but mostly it will be about being a working mother. If you're looking for a podcast that will educate and inspire or one that will really make you think, this isn't the one for you. But it will be entertaining to a very select few because you don't make it to your mid-40s with IBS without having a story or two to tell.

Join me as I take my place among podcast royalty like Joel Olstein and Lance Bass. Those are words I hope I'd never have to say. Listen to Toss Show in the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. The assassination of President John F. Kennedy is the greatest murder mystery in American history. That's Rob Breiner, Rob called me, so let Ado Bryan and ask me what I knew about this crime.

I know 60 years later, new leads are still emerging. To me, an award-winning journalist, that's the making of an incredible story. And on this podcast, you're gonna hear it told by one of America's greatest storytellers. Well, ask who had the motive to assassinate a sitting president. My dad, the father of JFK, screwed us at the Bay of Pigs, and then he screwed us after the Cuban Missile Crisis. We'll reveal why Lee Harvey Oswald isn't who they said he was.

I was under the impression that Lee was being trained for a specific operation, then we'll pull the curtain back on the cover-up. The American people need to know the truth. Listen to Who Killed JFK on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Mo Raka, and I'm excited to announce season four of my podcast, Mo Bituaries. I've got a whole new bunch of stories to share with you

about the most fascinating people and things who are no longer with us. From famous figures who died on the very same day to the things I wish would die, like buffets. People actually take little tastes along the way with their fingers. Oh, they do. Oh no, I'm so sorry.

Do you need a minute? This is the only interview where I've needed a spit bucket. I'm so sorry. We'll tell you about the singer who helped define cool and the sports world's very first superstar. To call Jim Thorpe the greatest athlete in American history is not a stretch because no athlete before a sincestown what he did.

Listen to Mobituaries with Moroca on the I Heart Radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Troy and Erica Andrews, how are you? Well, doing well. Doing pretty good. Y'all are pretty awesome is what you are. I want to know Lisa, my wife and I have four children. Their ages are 27, 26, 25, and 24. Wow.

We got on city water and it cleared up, but it was tough for a while. Yeah. It's a great one. And I've seen a picture of your family. What are the ages of your children? Well, currently now we have, they're all girls. We have 23, 19 and 14.

And then probably one of the little ones we're going to talk about today. She actually just turned 13, currently. 14, yeah, currently. So, so, um, and, and this story today is about the unbelievable giving heart that you guys have and, and how you felt called to adoption. And we're going to get to that. We're going to catch the listeners up. But I do want to know something. You guys, my father and mother were divorced

where I was four. And my father passed away three weeks ago. And the time between I was four, which is 49 years ago and today, he and I had no real relationship whatsoever and One of the toughest days around my house has always been father's day Even as a father I Celebrate her own children, but I always felt this sense of loss and both of you are from divorced families and when did each of your parents get divorced? We're interestingly enough. We were you know, we're not the same age Eric and I were four years apart, but we were almost the same age, exact age when our, when the divorce, when our parents got divorced. We were both nine. So that was just kind of an interesting fact that we found about, found out about later, you know, after we met each other and kind of got to know

each other became friends. And so, but it was a little bit different because my dad, my dad was a, was a retired Illinois State police officer and he's still around. And he had my mom divorced when I was nine and he left. And Erica had the opposite. So her mom left when she was nine and she was an athlete in school. I actually let her in six sports. I was not really good at any of it, but I was good enough to be doing all of it. That let a director called me a triathlete because I'd try anything. Yeah, so but I look back on it and I'm pretty sure my father played football and baseball and basketball because I found some old clippings once in the attic and he was college good. And I look

back on it now and I'm I'm almost sure that I was trying to prove myself as worthy because I was wondering why my dad didn't want me and I wonder did either of you ever have a similar feel that you know why doesn't my parent want me as to for children? Yeah, you know, we each have, you know, Eric, I'll let her address that for herself, but for me, my dad was always was a good athlete as well, and he was always around, and one of the things that I would say about my dad, that was pretty amazing, is, you know, even when he was always around. One of the things that I would say about my dad, that's pretty amazing is, you know, even when he was on duty, yeah, I was a good, good athlete.

I played basketball and we had a very good basketball team. We went to the, went to the state every year. And good football team. And he would, he would always be at my games, but he would be in the uniform standing out in the hall. And so that was always really nice, but it's still, you know, I always kind of had those, you know, resending feelings about him leaving about, you know, something else in his life being more important than us, you know, it was really kind of more of that.

I feel that and I felt that I can identify with that big time. Yeah, and so for me, I had to, it really wasn't until I was in college that kind of flipped around on me in a pretty radical way. And I saw Dad in kind of a different light, as a person who had his own circumstances that he dealt with in his life. His dad was a World War II veteran and had a very, very, he was on the front lines. I think he landed on Omaha Beach,

if I remember correctly. And his job in the military was to lay communication lines in front of the front. So he would sneak out through enemy lines and lay the wires so that they could communicate when the front moved forward. So he had a very dangerous job. So when he got back from the war, my grandmother got breast cancer and passed away when dad was 13. And grandma was kind of his light. And grandpa's, they were very close.

And so grandpa ended up like he couldn't take care of the two boys. So he basically gave the two boys to some people in town. So really until I got later in life and really understood that the best that he could kind of, he didn't really have a standard normal childhood that we hope to give our children. As an example, he was very young. I think he and mom married when they were 17 and 18 somewhere around in there with a they were they were pregnant at 16 and 17. So I don't know. I just saw him in a different light as a man and not on a pedestal as a man who was doing his best and had some

failings and I couldn't keep holding that against him because it was hurting me and him. But that didn't happen for me until into college, really. No, but I get it. And the poor man sounds like he suffered some abandonment damage himself, but the truth is, as an adolescent, you felt what a bandiment feels like. And much like I did as a child of a divorced family. And I think it's safe to say what you said, you understood as an adolescent what a bandiment felt like.

Yeah. What about you, Erica? Did you have those same feelings? And things were maybe a little bit different in that. I don't know. I kind of put my mom on a pedestal. She got to be, you know, you always talk about the Disneyland dad, you know, the dad that just kind of shows up on the weekends and it was more I got to have weekends with my mom in the bigger town because she'd moved to the city and so there. So she was cool. She kind of was I mean that is yeah while all my girlfriends in the you know in the locker room you know we're kind of complaining and fussing about their moms you know I thought mom I was my best

friend but as I got older I realized I didn't need a best friend and a mom I needed a mom to be a mom so that was maybe a little bit different, but as far as trying to impress, even with my dad was very, I think, you know, he loved my mom, certainly was very hurt by her leaving, but I definitely did pretty much every activity. They call me a joiner. I did every activity, and I think it was to get either my mom or my dad, get someone's attention. Like, you know, I'm going to do everything from the play to sports to band everything. And I know where you're coming from, where you're just kind of, we tell a little girl, I'm twirling, like look at me, and trying to get that attention.

But I do also think as I got older, I definitely saw the sacrifices, especially that my stepmom made after she married my dad. I saw that in a different light as I grew older and had kids of my own as well. So I've talked to adults of divorce families like myself and like we're talking about, not divorced families, adults that came from divorced families when they were children. And you know, it is very rare that I don't hear some of the same conversation that we're having.

And also how that experience and, you know, whether you want to acknowledge it or not, it is traumatic. So, it's trauma. So, that same experience that a child experiences and the trauma that they have when they're growing up, then as adults, have this interesting thing in common that I feel like, which is, I cannot imagine a scenario that I would abandon my children or leave my family no matter how hard it got, because I know what that feels like

and I never wanna put another person through it. And I'm just curious if you guys have that same mentality as a result of all this. Yeah, we do. We do. And for us, it's funny we said early on, it was just so intense for us when we met that look if we're going to, we became very good friends, Eric and I did before we got married. In a very short amount of time, we had a lot in common. And one of the things that we both said to one another is, hey, if we're going to do this,

then it's forever. Divorce is not an option. And we said, even in heated moments, arguments that that word will never be bantered about our home. And it never has, you know, we're almost creeping up on 30 years. Yeah, 30 years next year. Art 30th is this December.

Oh wow, yeah. Yeah, so it's cool. All right, so this show is an army of normal folks and what I'm trying to establish through this initial conversation is this. You guys didn't grow up independently wealthy, you grew up in a divorced household. You worked to get to where you were when you got married and you're just average folks trying to make a life who have decided that You worked to get to where you were when you got married, and you're just average folks trying to make a life

who have decided that they're gonna have a significant commitment to one another that is everlasting and forever, no matter what, because of the trauma in the pain you'd experienced as a kid, is that fair to set up who you are as a couple before you start having children? Yeah, I would say that's fair. I mean, we both came from very humble means.

We didn't even know what we didn't have to be honest with you. We made a commitment to one another and that's never changed. So awesome. So we got average Troy and average Erica getting married, not a whole lot of money, which by the way, that was billingly so corny too. And you start your life and you have Noah and you have Sydney.

And then you decide to lose your minds and do something crazy and different and tell me how that decision came into play well It actually was put on our hearts Before we had children oddly enough really yes We were sitting at a church and the lady had just gotten back from an orphanage in Russia and was doing the old Slide show, you know back when they had slides and not and the lady had just gotten back from an orphanage in Russia and was doing the old slideshow, back when they had slides and not PowerPoint presentations. And she was clicking through her pictures and sharing it.

And I just felt the Lord kind of laid out my heart and I just sat there just looking at those pictures. And we got in the car, I just turned to Troy and I said, I don't know. I just feel like, you know, the Lord blesses us and we have the means and we're able to, like, I just think we're supposed to adopt. And he said, I do too. I felt the same thing. And so even before we had children, the Lord had sort of planted that seed on our hearts. And then we had Noah and things

were going really well. And then I had a life threatening ectopic pregnancy and things didn't go real well there, but we thought, well, maybe now would be the time to adopt and then that wasn't the time. And then we had Sydney. So there are four years apart. I say we got one in college at a time, but it wasn't planned. And so then we had Sydney and we still could not shake it and we finally just decided what did we,

oh we went to look into international adoption. And at the time it just things were very crazy. I think they had another Olympics back then and the time to actually get your referral and get the child in your home was that going on three years. And by that time Sid was already like three or four I think. Well, we also, you know, just I never could really shake the fact that I was like, you know, there's kids here that need a home. I mean, there's nothing wrong with going overseas. I'm not saying that at all, but

but I was it just it just felt for me like there's children here. Why do we have to like go and you know figure out something overseas and bring somebody here when there's people here that need it. here when there's people here that need it. And now a few messages from our generous sponsors, but first, we really want to hear from you about what the Army and other Army members have met to you and consider sharing it on our social media accounts if you'd be open to sharing with us. it on our social media accounts if you'd be open to sharing with us. If you're game for this, write us at armyatnormalfogs.os or call or text us at 901-352-1366. We'll be right back. Hi, I'm Daniel Tosh, host of new podcast called Tosh Show, brought to you by I Heart Podcast. Why am I getting into the podcast game now?

Well, it seemed like the best way to let my family know what I'm up to instead of visiting or being part of their incessant group text. I'll be interviewing people that I find interesting to instead of visiting, or being part of their incessant group text. I'll be interviewing people that I find interesting, so not celebrities, and certainly not comedians. I'll be interviewing my plumber, my stylist, my wife's gynecologist. We'll be covering topics like religion, travel, sports, gambling, but mostly it will be about being a working mother. If you're looking for a podcast that will educate and inspire,

or one that will really make you think, this isn't the one for you. But it will be entertaining to a very select few, because you don't make it to your mid-40s with IBS without having a store your two to tell. Join me as I take my place among podcast royalty, like Joel Olstein and Lance Bass. Those are words I hope I'd never have to say.

Listen to Toss Show in the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. The assassination of President John F. Kennedy is the greatest murder mystery in American history. That's Rob Breiner, Rob called me, so would Ado Brein and asked me what I knew about this crime. I know 60 years later, new leads are still emerging. To me, an award-winning journalist,

that's the making of an incredible story. And on this podcast, you're going to hear it told by one of America's greatest storytellers. We'll ask who had the motive to assassinate a sitting president. My dad, 5JFK, screwed us at the Bay of Pigs, and then he screwed us after the Cuban Missile Crisis. We'll reveal why Lee Harvey Oswald isn't who they said he was.

I was under the impression that Lee was being trained for a specific operation, then we'll pull the curtain back on the cover-up. The American people need to know the truth. Listen to Who Killed JFK on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Grace Campbell, and on my new podcast, 28 Dates Later, I'm changing the narrative

on how we find love. Join me on a wild adventure as I go on blind dates. Finding suitors on the internet's strangest apps, and only picking people who are the total opposite of my type. Dissecting my days and listening in on all the cringiest moments will be my friend Ross. Every time I hear about a day, I go in and I call my boyfriend and I'm like,

thank God! And my friend Dan. Okay, the dead is floating. I've never heard of my life. Who won't be giving me an easy ride? Honestly, if you had to say that to me on a day, I would have walked out. And after going on 28 of these dates in two months,

will I find that special someone or this experiment proved that there's no good way to find love and I should just give up on dating altogether. It's time to find out. Listen to 28 dates later with me Grace Campbell on the iHeart Radio at Apple Podcast or wherever you get your Tell me about the slides. You're in church, the woman from Russia. What did your heart get pulled by the pictures of these orphan children? And what grabbed you? What pulled your heart strain?

Give us a pain, a visual of that. Gosh, I don't know. I mean, I think all of that. Gosh, I don't know. I mean, I think all of that. I mean, I think it was just seeing that there's children in this world that didn't have anyone, you know, a place to call home. And I don't know that because I had never been on my radar before. Like, I don't, I, this had never been on my radar. I don't even know that there was one specific thing other than just seeing their plight and just seeing that there's, how could it be there's children in this world

that don't have a place to call home? Well, one of the things that she said to me that she probably doesn't remember is that, you know, you don't, you get to pick a lot of things in this world and choose a lot of things, but you don't get to choose who your parents are or what situation you're born into. So as it relates to not having or being born with maybe into a household that maybe can't raise you or whatever, you just don't get to choose that. So it's not just.

So how can we help bring justice, perhaps to somebody who's maybe been dealt a hand that they had no say in, and they didn't do anything wrong? That's a beautiful thought. I've said a lot that it's not just that the possibilities of your success in life is largely dependent upon the zip code at the time of your birth. It's not just, but it is true. And so we've got this on our heart.

We've had Noah, we've had Sydney, and then you throw your name in a hat for a group of parents who say we're interested in adoption. How does the process work? After the kind of the China, going to China just wasn't in the cards for us, I said, well, maybe we're not called a dot, but just support adoption ministry. And I had a friend that was already volunteering at a crisis pregnancy centers called Christ. The ministry actually crisis pregnancy outreach. And I thought maybe I'm just, we're supposed to support adoption ministry. So I started volunteering there. I was a mentoring mom where I would drive a pregnant mom to doctor's appointments.

I would meet with her and have coffee and just kind of be there and go to support groups with her and just sort of be a mentor as she was walking through her pregnancy. And the CPO also offered, whether you made a placement for your child, made a choice for adoption plan or whether you made a placement for your child, like made an adoption, made a choice for adoption, made an adoption plan, or whether you chose a parent, they just, they supported mothers. And so I just started working there. And then a friend of mine got a call about about another child and and it kind of just got the ball rolling like, okay, so maybe, maybe,

maybe we should just put our, our name in. And so we, I made a book, you know, a lot of these options, you put together a photo book or something to that effect. And so we put our book in. And actually very quickly, got a call that we had a birth mother that was interested. Wow. Okay. And that birth mother is what turned into your relationship with Carly. Correct. Yes. Okay, this is where it all begins. This is where this is where normal folks just create in a life, step out and do phenomenal loving work.

And I'm going to spoil one of your lines right now. But when I read it, I have thought about it all day. And it's when you say just find ways to be a constant for someone. And I thought about my own adolescence. I thought about my own work that I've done. And then I've thought about my own children and I've thought about my employees and I've thought about my wife and how important it is to do exactly what you guys say which is just find ways to be a constant for someone and in church it was put on your heart to adopt and you take some time and then you decide to go and Introduce us to your experience with Carly

What one of you have to tell me the story. Yeah, no, I know I don't Yeah, no, I know I don't want to be one of them. She's such a better storyteller. I don't know. But. I always leave her in. All right, Erica, take it. Take it. Take it.

Take it. It's very about important facts. Oh, okay. And if I'm getting too detailed, let me know. Well, you know, we got this call that a birth mom had wanted to meet us and we met the birth mom. And I don't know. I'm not sure.

I need to protect privacy or anything. But she, we met her. She had two small boys already. It had a little bit of a rocky relationship with the ministry as she had said she was going to place her second child with them and then just kind of disappeared and that never had never went through. But we met her, got to know her and the boys. They were not in a good socioeconomic place in life. And we tried to do our best to support and help them.

We babysat the boys and kept them. And I took her to doctor's appointments and did different things. Hold it, you babysat her, boys. Yeah, there would be times when I don't know she needed things and and they. So, you mean while she's pregnant with your who's going to be your adopted child, you're also caring for her existing children? Yeah, yeah, temporarily from time to time. Is that normal? Is that what normally goes on? I don't know if it's normal, but CPL is very big about open adoption and that they're advocates for that.

And so we kind of felt like in the process of bringing Carly into our life, we were also bringing her and her boys in some ways into our life that they would be connected. There would be relationship there. Okay, we're going to get into the story, but like I said, you're taking me along for ride here, but so you're not adopting just Carly. I mean, if you're, and I don't mean legally adopting these boys, but you're not just bringing into your family's life, Carly.

You're bringing in with an open adoption, you're kind of bringing in a whole other group of people into your family orbit here. I mean, you're reaching out pretty deep, right? Yeah, and it really was our heart to do that. Like I saw her as a young mom who I also generationally had been in the system and saw how her boys were living and it wasn't in a great place. And so yeah, we felt, I don't know, obligations not the word, but I think our heart kind of broke over those boys and thought, gosh, if we're bringing their sibling basically, you know, into our home that, and I wanted that to be, I wanted to build a relationship

with the birth mom. I mean, I did believe in that and was hoping that our life would be a reflection and be an influence on her life as well. Well, there's been, that was definitely one time, but there's been several times where we've kind of looked at each other and said, how could we say no? Yeah.

How could we say no? You know, you guys are better than me because I'm pretty sure I might have looked at somebody and said, how can I say no? You know, you guys are better than me, because I'm pretty sure I might have looked at somebody and said, how can I say yes? I mean, that is a lot, y'all. I mean, that is a lot. So you're watching her boys, so she can do whatever she needs to do,

and you're open adoption, and you're being unbelievably selfless and open. And yes, that's my narration of it, but that's what I'm hearing. And she carries Carly to term, right? Correct. And what happens? So it's kind of neat if someone has not been through it

that if you're adopting at birth, the hospital also, if they have the room, they gave me a room as if I was the, you know, the one giving birth and I got to have a room and got to be very near where the birth mom was and I was there at the birth at the birth mom's request and actually was the one that cut the cord when Carly was born. They treated me very similar. I mean, she did see the baby and spent time with her. But then Carly was in my room at night

and was with me in my room a few doors down. And so it was just a really, we brought our girls in. No one's Sydney. I mean, I think friends came. It was a very, very joyous time. And up into that point, I think, to start preface the rest of the story. You know, she had told us who she believed was the birth father, and we had some doubts about that for various reasons. And the

other guy that she had been quote, unquote dating, his family had been preparing for this baby, but she said it's not his, it's not his, this is this other guy. And so, but when she was born, there were kind of a few things that seemed fairly obvious that maybe she was not telling the truth about the birth father, but and we let our attorney know, but when she had to go, I think, was at 48 or 72 hours, she did have to appear to kind of give sort of a preliminary, I guess, custody to us, not legal, but just preliminary. And so our attorney said, I will quiz her up one side and down the other to try to get her to name, you know, who you think is the father. And she didn't. She kept with her story

of this other guy. And- Well, why couldn't you just have a paternity test and straighten that out all at once? Good idea. Well, I didn't mean. Why indeed did we not? The pause and then good idea says a lot, Erica.

You know, not being the professionals. We followed the laws of the state of Oklahoma for time. So that wasn't something that they normally did. This is who she named. Once she went to the judge and said, this is who the father is, that's who the judge thinks the father is. And so that's it.

Where there's the possibility of a question when a child's future is at stake, I don't know. Common sense and the law don't always necessarily agree. So we can move on. The bottom line is, okay, where cheese convinced that this guy is the father and the judge takes this person at her word.

Correct. Okay, so what happens? So then we, things were great for about five, six months. I mean, we still, we were doing open a dot, you know, we were doing visits with the birth mom, with the family, living our lives and not the birth announcements, and just bringing Carly and our family, introducing her, that's our daughter,

and this is who she was. And she was not an easy baby at the time. She was more of a colloquy kind of a baby, but she was adorable and delightful. And we were instantly, of of course in love with her. We'll be right back. Hi, I'm Daniel Tosh, host of new podcast called Tosh Show, brought to you by iHeart Podcast. Why am I getting into the podcast game now? Well, it seemed like the best way to let my family know what I'm up to instead of visiting or being part of their incessant group text.

I'll be interviewing people that I find interesting, so not celebrities, and certainly not comedians. I'll be interviewing my plumber, my stylist, my wife's gynecologist. We'll be covering topics like religion, travel, sports, gambling, but mostly it will be about being a working mother. If you're looking for a podcast that will educate and inspire, or one that will really make you think, this isn't the one for you. But it will be entertaining to a very select few,

because you don't make it to your mid-40s with IBS without having a story or two to tell. Join me as I take my place among podcast royalty like Joel Olstein and Lance Bass. Those are words I hope I'd never have to say. Listen to Toss Show in the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. The assassination of President John F. Kennedy

is the greatest murder mystery in American history. That's Rob Breiner, Rob called me, so would Ado Bryan and asked me what I knew about this crime. I know 60 years later, new leads are still emerging. To me, an award-winning journalist, that's the making of an incredible story. And on this podcast, you're going to hear it told by one of America's greatest storytellers. Well, last, who had the motive to assassinate a sitting president? My dad, 5JFK, screwed us at the Bay of Pigs,

and then he screwed us after the Cuban Missile Crisis. We'll reveal why Lee Harvey Oswald isn't who they said he was. I was under the impression that Lee was being trained for a specific operation and will pull the curtain back on the cover-up. The American people need to know the truth. Listen to Who Killed JFK on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Mo'Raca, and I'm excited to announce season four of my podcast, Mo'Bitweries.

I've got a whole new bunch of stories to share with you about the most fascinating people and things who are no longer with us. From famous figures who died on the very same day, to the things I wish would die like buffets. People actually take little tastes along the way with their fingers. Oh, they do. Oh no, I'm so sorry. Do you need a minute? This is the only interview where I've needed a spit bucket I'm so sorry. We'll tell you about the singer who helped define cool and the sports world's very first superstar To call Jim Thorpe the greatest athlete in American history is not a stretch because no athlete before

history is not a stretch because no athlete before SIX is done what he did. Listen to Mobituaries with Moroca on the I Heart radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. In the fall she was born in June and in the fall, we started hearing rumblings that she had, that the birth mom had, had contacted the other guy and started making noise about that she had actually had the baby. Originally, she had told that family that she had had a stillborn and it was a boy, like that there was... I didn't know that. Yeah, that stillborn and it was a boy. Like that there was... I didn't know that. Yeah, that there was stillborn as a boy, but then she admitted, you know,

I think just for the drama of it all, then started telling them, no, she had the baby, it was a girl, and she had made an adoption plan, and that was that. Well, that family started and that was that. Well, that family started ringing up the ministry, found out where, I think, where she started calling CPO and started making demands about wanting information and wanting to know. Well, we did eventually go get a paternity test. Yeah, so then, yeah. So then after that, we had our court date with the supposed, the other birth father, you know, the actual birth father who was already incarcerated and so he was going to have to make an appearance in December to come and what do you call it? Fight the, fight the

paternity. So the way the way it works or did work, I don't know if the laws have changed since then, but you know, when we did kind of find out that we really do think that this other guy is probably the father. We went and did a paternity test with him and sure enough he was the father. We didn't go do this or journey test. We were ordered by the court to pay for the paternity test for the incarcerated birth father that didn't show up for his court hearing. And the law says his rights shall be terminated, but our judge legislated from the bench

because the birth father's mom somehow was in the courtroom stood up and was quite upset and said we were told the baby was dead. I think there was a big emotional plea. Yeah, and to be honest with you, I think, you know, as you step back away from it, I mean, they were told alive. Oh, of course. And, and they, you know, it was just a, it was just a horrible thing for everyone. Yes. For them including. I mean, y'all, I'm hearing this,

and I'm picturing you've got an incarcerated father, a mother who is not equipped and is also obviously dishonest. And you've got you two guys who are trying to do things the right way and to, as you say, find a way to be a constant for a child who clearly left in this environment, wasn't going to get a constant. And all of that's terrible, but everybody involved in that's adults and my heart is bleeding for this child. Oh, yeah. This child that has no idea what's going on, but is called up in a quagmire of adult craziness.

Yes, absolutely. That's exactly right. And that was the horrific thing of it. So we were kind of caught into a situation. I mean, even the judge is like, look, here's a birth family who's saying that they were lied to. Like Eric has said, the way the laws are written in Oklahoma is if notice was sent out to him, proper notice was sent out to the birth father in prison. He could have petitioned to be at the court, but he didn't show up.

So he didn't- Well, but he was a jail, right? Yeah, but he didn't show up. And so he didn't- Well, but he was a jail, right? Yeah, but they'll- He could have, he had to pay $72 to be transported and would have been able to be there, but he chose- He didn't make the effort. Yeah, he didn't make the effort, it didn't have the money or whatever it was. He didn't show up for the court hearing, but his mother did.

And she said, look, we relied to all of this. And so he didn't rule as stipulated by the laws of the state of Oklahoma, which is says that if the birth father does not show up, the judge shall terminate. And so he didn't do that. He set up another court hearing and gave him more time to get there.

And we had to pay for paternity tests and for all that to happen. Which, you know, I mean, yeah. That's hard because you're fighting for the kid. It's into the day. That's just an irritant. That's not the, that's not the, I get it. I mean, it's like, you're not falling the law. Now you're making me pay for a paternity test

and I get the frustration is just mounting step by step by step. Yeah, it was, it was hard, especially given the, given the entire situation. I mean, the birth father was, is a nine time convicted felon. He's in prison, you know, and he's got, I believe he served what two more years

or something like that. He finally got out and now he's disappeared again and they haven't seen him since. So let him even know where he's at after how many years? Yeah. 10 years. He's.

So how long at this point had Carly been your child? The fraternity staff, that was through February, so from June to February, and then the next hearing was on May 10th, so she would have been almost one. You've been there at the birth, You've nurtured in the hospital room. You've gone through some months of colicy crying baby, which any of us have had children know how miserable that is. And you've loved this child and she is your daughter

and has been for a year. And you know, something else that we also gotta think about is, Noah and Sidney now have a sister who they love. And you've got this family building and what happens, what is the judge rule, what ends up happening? So when we drove into the parking garage

at the courthouse, we prayed. And we just, we knew God knew the answer. He knew what was going to happen already before we did. And we just prayed that we would have the strength to get through it and that we would give us grace. They would give us, yeah, grace and peace about it. So we went in and we had a few friends out out there praying with us while they were inside because really as just the you know adopted parents that aren't related we had zero rights at this point. It was all about what was happening inside that courtroom and we just had to wait and find out. Yeah, we did we weren't allowed in the courtroom. So we were nobody. I mean, if we're going to writing unfortunately on the

walls, your heart may not want it, but your brains probably know it. Well, Troy did. I did. Yeah, I did. I was just trying to prepare her for what I knew was going to happen. And so tell us what happened. So the judge would not grant our adoption, you know, and so Carly was then thrown into a custody battle between the birth fathers family and the birth mothers family. Basically. That's a good grief. Yes, and we, at that point, I did have contact and had started to have conversations with

the paternal side of the family. So it was two aunts and a grandma that were very, very interested in, I think, having Carly in their lives permanently. And so I did have some conversations with them. And ultimately, there was, we had to, the judge did not like strongly disliked the birth mother because of this whole

mess was because of her manipulation, her line, and so we ended up about a month later, no, and I met 10, 10, 15 days, 10 days later, handing packing up Carly and then giving her, we had to hand her over to the paternal aunt. So one of the sisters. That had to have been just, that had to have been all, that had to have been the most fearful. I can't, I mean, when you bond with and raise a child, you were given your child away.

I mean, that had to have be just heart-wrenching. Yeah, it was hard. It was still hard, you know. So just kind of remembered all that again. And it was hard, you know, it was hard for us, but, you know, it was very, very hard on Sydney, our mental daughter in particular. But I mean, we kind of had gotten her to the point.

She was at the age where she was sleeping in her own bed and everything. And she was always that girl that would run down the mill tonight and get him jumping the bed between us and sleep and keep us up the rest of the night, kicking us in the ribs. But our baby, those are not. We had her sleeping in her own bed for really a year almost. And right after we gave Carly back, she was right back in our bed again for almost another year.

And I mean, it's traumatic. I get it. So you go, you feel called to do this. You put yourself out there and you don't only just care for the child, you actually care for the child's birth mother and this thing happens and it's gut-wrenching and it interrupts your family and your two daughters before and so you say, well, you know what, we did that, let's move on. And so you moved on and

that was it, right? No more? Well, we actually got, we got a little bit involved in, and at the point that we, you know, we were no longer going to have Carly, we had no legal right to her, you know, we, what we wanted to do is there was going to be a custody battle between the birth mother's parents and the birth father's parents. And so at that point, we just decided, okay, what's the best option for Carly in this situation? And we got to make sure we really felt that the birth even though the birth father was incarcerated You know his sister half sister was in a pretty good, you know, she had a good job. She was a nurse is a nurse and

You know she she had seemed to be the most stable situation in the birth mother's Family was a little more of the same. You know, there was a lot of kids, a lot of, you know, a lot of really tough situation there. And so we just decided- Just a lot of dysfunction. Yeah, a lot of dysfunction, that's the best way to say it. And we just thought that in this place,

the birth father's family is the best place for her. So we helped pay some of the legal bills to make sure that that's where she was. And because they didn't have, they didn't have good legal counsel to fight a battle. That is so selfless, but I get it because you're doing the best you can for your daughter. Even though she's not gonna live with you,

she should cover. So you're doing the best you can to take care of her. Yeah. And that was, you know, a few weeks after we handed her over, I really struggled because I thought there's a socioeconomic difference and there were a lot of differences, but I really thought, how are we going to keep relationship with her? Like, is this going to hurt her or help her for us to stay as a part of her life?

And believe me, I think it would have been a lot easier for us to have just wiped our hands of it and walked away. But I think you are alluding to your kind of spoiling the punch line a little. But I called a good friend of mine from high school that was, that is a child psychologist and just said, what do we do? I mean, you know, do we just walk away? The family wanted us to stay, the paternal family wanted us to stay. What's the best thing for us to do?

If we stay in our life, are we going to make it more difficult? Or do we need to stay in our life? I mean, we don't want to hurt her any more than, I mean, at this point in her life, she's one years old, she's never going to know anything about us, she'll never know. Right. And that's when she said to me,

no matter how dysfunctional situation, if there's one constant in a child's life, it will make all the difference in the world. And so that is what we decided to do. Because like you were saying earlier too, I'm sure you had coaches and you know friends dads and people that soared into your life in the areas where your dad wasn't there for you And I think both Troy and I can name teachers and you know my youth group leader You know people that filled in those gaps for us and so that was what we decided that's the day we decided that we would be her constant and so

you know that that has been hard is not been easy. We see her every year. Yeah we see her we sell relationship with her and we're still mommy Erica and daddy Troy and you know it's been a decade which is longer than that. Now yeah you know she's 13 so I mean it's is longer than that. Now, yeah, yeah, she's 13. So I mean, it's been longer than that. It's been a long time, but it's, it has been, you know, the one thing that we did feel, and there were, there were a couple of two, three years where the system was a mess around her. I mean, with the both sides of the family fighting for her. And as we all know, the system does not protect the children. It protects the stupid adults in the situation. Like it seems like they're the ones that have all

the power and the children have none. And so we, it was hard. We had to sit by and watch, you know, her be juggled back and forth have her, you know, her future in jeopardy. And at one point, she was supposed to be moved moved from so she was with us a year. She was with the aunt for two years and then they had a DHS worker that was going to recommend and move to move her. Now for no place she's known for two years to be reunited with her sibling group which the sibling group had grown since then, since her birth, and not one of them were from the same father or the same, you know, she'd never lived under the same roof with them, and they were going to get ready to move her.

And that's when I say, mama, Erica, rang heaven and hell, like we used what power we had to help her stay where she was with the ant, and make that help that be permanent because we could not fathom for a moment of having her be moved again torn from a home that she knew for two years. That was the power of the destroyer. Yeah. And so guys, I mean this story is is sad, but it's also redemptive because you have remained a constant for her and have continued to fight for her even as she was taken from you. And I think that's beautiful. And, you know, that's where normal folks do extraordinary things like yourselves. And it's amazing, but having gone through that, I can just imagine that I gone through it.

You know, try it. I think I'm going to drop back and punt and we'll do something different. And that's what y'all did, right? Yeah, my friend and neighbor that worked at, or volunteered at CPO, called me, oh gosh, this would have been January. So we had to hand Carly over in, we did it in June,

around her first birthday, and then this was about nine months later, my friend calls me and she says, I don't know if you're ready ready and I'm not sure I was, but she said we have a birth father that's called the, you know, called CPO and is looking to place his three and a half year old daughter. Okay, now you've become crazy, a glutton and nuts.

Yeah. You're crazy people, a glutton, and nuts. You are crazy people, it's a story. After all the pain, it effort, and money, and time, you've just gone through and still having no way completely recovered from all of that. Emotionally, you're actually gonna try this again. That's what we said, how can we say no? That was it, we kept pretty and it was like...

Troy, I could tell you about 15 different ways. We just looked at each other and we thought this little girl needs somebody to care for her. And that concludes part one of my conversation with Erica and Troy Andrews, and part two is now available. And I promise you guys, you do not want to miss this incredible adoption story. But if for some strange reason you do, make sure to join the Army of Normal Folks at NormalFokes.us and sign up to become a member of the movement. By signing up, you'll also receive a weekly email with short episode

summaries in case you happen to miss an episode or you might prefer just reading about our incredible guest. Together guys, we can change this country and it starts with you. I'll see you in part two. I'm Daniel Tosh, host of a new podcast called Tosh Show. I'll be interviewing people that I find interesting, so not celebrities, and certainly not comedians. We'll be covering topics like religion, travel, sports, gambling, but mostly it will be about being a working mother. If you're looking for a podcast that will educate and inspire, or one that will really make you think, this isn't the one for you.

Listen to Toss Show in the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. The assassination of President John F. Kennedy is the greatest murder mystery in American history. That's Rob Breiner, Rob called me, so would Edo Brein, and asked me what I knew about this crime. We'll ask who had the motive to assassinate a sitting president. Then we'll pull the curtain back on the cover-up. The American people need to know the truth. Listen to Who Killed JFK on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,

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