And That's Why We Drink - E233 Cryptid Smut and a Boy Boss Summer

Episode Date: July 25, 2021

Welcome to episode 233! Come slap thumbs with us as Em covers the faceless, featureless Dover Demon, who might be an alien, might be a monkey, but either way most definitely uses his long toes to hold up his big melon head. Meanwhile, Christine covers New Jersey’s Colts Neck Mansion killings, a new and unfolding case of familicide with more questions than answers. And don’t forget to pour one out for Uncle Alan, who will be missed but is now a proud member of Em’s Spirit Squad…and that’s why we drink!Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners at HelixSleep.com/drink!Go to FlexFits.com/drink and use code DRINK for 20% off Flex Disc Starter Kits—or 10% off your first Flex Cup—PLUS free U.S. shipping!Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code ATWWD to get $20 off with a minimum purchase of $100!Try ZipRecruiter for free at ZipRecruiter.com/drink!Get 10% off your first month of professional counseling at betterhelp.com/DRINK.Get 20% off your first order at NativeDeo.com/ATWWD or use promo code ATWWD at checkout!

that one came with a little delay hello how are you oh is it recording i don't see any yellow borders i guess it's just gonna have to it says it says recording with a little red dot okay what a mystery so we'll find out the hard way oh hi em christine tell tell the world how you're feeling today listen i woke up at like a normal time for me which is like 10 30 which is late i know but i was up really late oh that's i mean you're talking to the right audience, though, because that's the time I got to go. That's what, I was like, with Em, I didn't have to give it a caveat. With the rest of the world, I feel like I need to give it a little bit of a caveat.

Yeah. We have, Em and I both have odd, more, less normal sleeping patterns, maybe, than most people. Look, the best thing is that we're our own bosses. That's right, yeah. And our office and hours of operations start at 11. And then, and you know what? It works.

And to be clear, that's like 11 Pacific. So that's like 2 p.m. my time. So I'm like, I'm like rested and ready to go. But we're on different shifts. We work different shifts. Oh God, if you're on YouTube, I hope you can't see it. But I have all these cold sores. And then I woke up all sick.

And I was like, of course, Blaze is like, do you have a fever? Because of the baby. And I was like, no. no so I'm fine I just feel like Em said I haven't been sick since Wisconsin which was on our 2019 tour um nothing I haven't had a cold so it's like extra bad now it feels relatively bad I know I just said it on the show when I was just did I I mentioned being sick on the show right okay we always mention being sick on the show don't worry perfect yeah no this was my first cold since flu ruda and your first cold since was constant it's probably the exact same thing but I will say just to like ease your anxiety like currently when you say I have a bunch of cold sores you sound like that person who's like oh my god I look so ugly today and they look like an Instagram model so like one fuck you and two you're in the

clear well thank you because yesterday they were like bad and I was like oh that's weird because I haven't gotten cold sores in ages and usually I get them all the time and they don't like always portend a sickness it's just like a weird I mean it's like herpes of the mouth it just appears um but then you have it michael scott has it that's right maybe it's just an ingrown hair i don't know oh god i wish uh so a breva is on my nightstand i'm just uh killing the game i put on some i don't know i try to cover it up this is a psa that herpes simplex 2 or whatever it's called is a very common super common um so and there's nothing to be ashamed of you're saying that like I should be ashamed Christine it's nothing to be ashamed of okay do you understand get it together get it listen if

I were ashamed I've had her I've had herpes since I was like four years old. So at this point, it's too late to be ashamed. I imagine most cases of it, of like just having like cold sores, start from sharing like lollipops as children. Yeah, it does. How would we know? Right, exactly. So, you know. Anyway, I'm sorry you don't feel good. I'm feeling way better.

I have some iced coffee and I took some Tylenol and I'm feeling, I'm feeling ready to rumble. I, I hope you say that. And then later we get to play back like a scene from this where you're asleep while I'm talking again, by the way. It's been a while since that's happened. It's still my favorite episode when Christine literally fell asleep during

my story. It's so embarrassing. Oh my God. I really, it does. Someone happens to know what number that is because i recently i forget what it was i saw like the description it was like this is a two like sorry for the audio discrepancy but we had to start over the next day it was but i uh i just i remember us cutting to it later and being like, well, good morning. It's the next day. So embarrassing. All right. Anyway.

Anyway, I assume that's why you drink this week. Yeah, that. And I just wanted to throw out real quick. We had an awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome cryptid poetry slam. Cherry auction. Cherry auction. All this stuff. It was so fun and everybody was so like engaged and we just on

auction items alone raised over three thousand dollars for asian americans advancing justice and i'm pretty sure with ticket sales that's like 10 grand or something i think it ends up being just over 11 000 wow yeah so i'm just so proud of everybody and thankful and people like paid for a signed poster from us which is like wow what an honor um i'm very honored and also people spend even more money on crystal dildos so i get it that part i'm not surprised at our audience but yeah it was great so thank you it was oh oh there's okay it's your time has come. Goodbye. I'm sound the alarm. They heard Crystal Dildo and said that ought to be illegal. It's witchcraft.

I say. Oh, look, I have my. Did you see that? I framed my witch, my thingy, my warrant of arrest. Yes. When I went to Salem, I got Christine and Eva little fake decrees that they're so cute they're being arrested for witchcraft i had mine framed but no i'm sorry you don't feel good and also thank you everyone who came to the auction and the reason i drank this week is because oh what i have a

pretty solid reason i guess we should i guess i should say. So my great uncle passed away. And I'm actually, I literally just escaped Florida because I, not well, I escaped it with the worst cold of my life. Florida always has its little tendrils on you. Well, I'm scared because I got to go back to Florida now for the funeral but he i just wanted to give him a shout out he was 80 years old and he was he only it's very sad he only recently came out of the closet um but in the few years that he was with us and him and i had that very queer bond anytime we had a moment with each other he would like always take advantage of it to talk about like a male like a waiter that was nearby like he was like so excited to talk about how cute boys were with me tell me you're giving the eulogy

please because this is so beautiful i we i really should we should just play like ymca or something like the village people at his but we didn't we weren't very close until only a couple of years ago. But it was nice to be able to talk to him and see what his life was. I'm totally making it a queer thing just because it was like, listen, the second he came out and he had someone to talk to, it was our whole relationship.

Right, right. But I just wanted to give a shout out to an old queen and uh everyone do a little clink for uncle alan absolutely i he apparently there was a uh uh retirement or a drag show at his retirement home the week before he passed and i was like oh you need to go to that and he was like i've been there amateurs and then his gonna say please tell me some of the quotes again, because it was so good. Oh, he was talking about how he had a friend in the army, and they used to do stuff in foxholes.

I mean, I'm really outing him, outing him now. I'm sorry, I'm going out. He said something like, you know what happened in those foxholes. And you were like, do I? He really came out of his shell the second he could talk about that kind of stuff. And he was so eager to talk about it. And I know he was always talking about how awesome the show. He actually listens to the podcast.

Oh, my gosh. And he loved how open we were about that stuff. And I don't know. It always made me smile. So just for, I don't know it always made me smile so just for i don't know uncle alan who we found out uh who i found out apparently was a regular on several gay cruises and the last thing i ever received from him was a list of gay cruises i also need to go now you know your eat pray love moment you gotta eat if you ever need to catch me i will

be on a gay cruise officially forever now um because he gave me a list of like 30 ships i am very excited to uh apparently he's been on all of them so now in honor of him i'll have to go relive those moments with him well in spirit that's beautiful i'm very sorry for your loss oh yeah crack one open clinky a little clinky for A little clinky for Uncle Alan. There it is. Is that a tea? It's all blurry. It's an Arizona green tea. Oh, I love an Arizona.

Good, good, good. Cheers. And to be clear, I don't want anyone thinking I'm saying, like, I'm just, like, fully, like, just telling all of his dirty secrets. We truly bonded on all of these very funny moments. So I hope that now, in spirit, he's, like, laughing along with us. Oh, what a guy. Well, I'm so sorry for last, but I'm so happy he at least got to spend the last of his time here having fun and being who he was.

He was a very fun guy. He also, I only saw him a couple weeks ago, and he had me rearranging his house for him. He wanted me to like, because I had just rearranged my mom's house. And then my grandma found out. grandma found that guy in the family i just have to do all the the honeydew stuff when i end up at someone's house and uh he had me moving things around and every time i moved something he would like i just saw like the judgment in his eye the side eye and i was like do you want to do this so my last memories are talking about gay cruises and getting judged while I decorated a gay man's house.

So there you have it. I love you, Uncle Alan. He also loved ice cream. So if anyone's out there eating Haagen-Dazs tonight, that's an honor of you. Yes, yes. Did he drink at all? He didn't.

He was tea milkshake, my friend. Man, tea totaler just like you. The very last thing we ever did together was eat Haagen-Dazs in his retirement home. Well, that's so sweet. Yeah. In the retirement home that has drag shows, by the way. So this is like, wow. Very Boca.

Yeah. I think some people are going to request the name of this place, including me later, by the way. Christine, once we're in retirement homes i'll just be performing the drag shows for you don't worry fully you and i will like run the place empty it'll be like nobody else wants to be here i no one else is invited that's right yeah it's our own home just you oh all right well let me tell you a little story my friend please do this is a cryptid who i'm surprised i hadn't covered yet um it is in massachusetts it is uh 20 miles southwest of boston and this is the story of the dover demon i don't even know what that is good because i was afraid maybe i had covered it and forgot

so you know that i'm not the one who's gonna confirm that right i could be you could be like this is the chupacabra and i can be like wow never heard of it it doesn't mean anything a while ago uh everyone listening in if you've caught on there has been one episode where i did redo the story i'm not gonna say which one it is you can figure it out for yourselves my brother said some people on reddit figured it out and i was like well fuck my brother i was really embarrassed an episode recently and i was like you don't even listen why would you know that and he's like oh people were just like talking on reddit my brother like lurks in the subreddit and tells me any like important updates i love when people are just talking on the reddit about my failures

no they're not they're not because i think my brother really wanted to jump in and be like no m did not do like i think he wanted to defend you but i did and then i was like well actually and he was like damn it we always talked about like oh my gosh one day we're gonna accidentally repeat a story and it's finally happened and none of us fucking noticed so it took like 200 episodes but it's been done so y'all figure that out by the way the reason it happened was not because we didn't check. It was because it was listed as a different name under the episode list. So it wasn't like, oh, we're just going to wing it.

It was like you checked, but it wasn't listed as the same name. Yes. Thank you. I appreciate your defense. This is me defending you on not on Reddit, but just on our own platform. Okay. So this is the Dover Demon. So real quick, here's a description, if you will.

The Dover Demon looks pretty much like a gray alien, except he has really rough, bumpy skin, which is also a light orange color. So instead of being a gray, it would be an orange, I suppose. The Dover Demon is hairless it has no facial features including mouth nose and ears and then now this is too far just big old glowing eyes just batting at you except not really because it also does not have eyelids you can't blink great makes it so horrible um i don't know why but the idea of something not having eyelids

freaks me out good it's not good i'm really terrified of fish and i think one of the reasons is because they don't blink that's a good point yeah they sleep with their eyes open nothing safe comes out of that they also don't have eyebrows which um i realized in recent years i i read people's energy based on how expressive their eyebrows are. Yeah. I mean, it's a very important part of expression. But if like someone's eyebrows don't move, I'm like, what's happening now? Well, you're an LA Botox central man, so you better watch out. I know who to trust and not trust. No mouth, nose, ears, eyebrows eyebrows or eyelids and uh it's around four feet tall

with a very large uh melon shaped head but long ways so long oval instead of fat so not like hey arnold but like vertically bingo got it football head yeah yeah and it's uh it's a very very melon shaped head on a very small stick like body with thin arms and legs okay this thing seems like it's not built to withstand the elements of boston i'm just i'm just gonna say right now it can't even blink the snowflakes away you couldn't be more onto it because my next comment is that it has no clothing okay really a sign that you're a tourist um also it's i know i said earlier that it looks like a gray alien but we have not had any confirmation that it has anything to do with aliens okay um also because we don't get a lot of confirmation on aliens but uh apparently there were no u UFOs on the night of the sighting. So they're not associating it with an alien at this time.

But yeah, so completely naked, big head, little body. And it's got large protruding glassy eyes that are either orange or green, depending on the story. And it switches from bipedal to walking on all fours. Okay. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that your back can just tilt and now you're a different creature. I don't like that. So Dover, Massachusetts.

It's 20 miles southwest of Boston. And the story takes place the night slash morning of April 21st, April 22nd uh of 1977 okay so there are three technically four main sightings of this dover demon and they all happened this night so the first and arguably most important sighting of the dover demon was a kid named bill bartlett and he was 17 which like bill bartlett sounds like a 70s one like a cartoon in a comic strip yeah yeah so he was 17 it was about 10 30 at night on april 21st and this was on farm street which we will talk about later but remember farm street so bill bartley was driving north in his vw beetle 70s and he was with his friends mike and andy and on the left hand side of while they on of the road they were driving on there was the stone wall out in the field okay so when they were

driving the headlights hit the wall i guess when they turned and bill saw something on standing on top of the wall oh it i guess it turned its head when the headlights came so like it got its attention and this creature turned facing them yeah well it doesn't have any ability to blink so it was just like bold that it would then choose to stare until you'd think it would turn the other way right like get that yeah you only have one thing on your face and it's very sensitive it's very sensitive to light uh so basically he turns in it with his big old eyes uh that is when bill saw this creature staring back at him i imagine it's kind of kind of like when you see a deer on the road and they look at you and the eyes are like glowing. Sure, sure.

He said that they were, quote, lidless eyes shining like two orange marbles. Oh, boy. And this creature was just staring back at him. And he had never seen a creature like this before. He first thought maybe it was a dog or a cat or something. Never seen an animal like this. And this is a quote from Bill. It wasn't a dog or a cat. It had seen an animal like this and this is a quote from bill it wasn't a dog or a cat it had no tail it had an egg-shaped head this definitely wasn't a fox or any animal it was some kind of creature with long thin fingers and it was more human like

than animal in which case i say firm pass but thank you so much billley. I'm glad you saw it so I didn't have to. The way you were just moving your fingers while you said that is so disturbing. I don't like it. Well, I was thinking like maybe like a salad fingers situation, you know? Remember salad fingers? No, what's that? Christine. I mean, maybe I do.

What is that? It was like when we were 14. It was one of the most viral youtube videos i'm trying to remember google salad fingers real quick just see if the picture pops up it was as big as like old greg tell me you know what old greg you and i've had the conversation about old greg many times salad fingers salad fingers this thing yes that's salad figures i like vague it's like familiar but i don't think i ever really it's like just like a random video someone made and it was like very quotable that's how

people that's how things went viral back in the day it was just like this is mildly entertaining it was like so just what the fuck and had some weird quotes but he basically he has fingers it's a web series it's like a real web series like well because the video got so big the person just kept making more yeah i don't really remember this now it's a shame it's kind of like you watching hocus pocus now where the fanfare is over well i guess the fanfare with hocus pocus is never over but salad fingers it's definitely over so if you were to watch it now you're gonna be like 14 year old me really missed out but 29 30 year old me is very happy i don't have to care

about this do you remember do you remember the thing my brother played it on my alexa recently and i was like you just ruined my entire like spotify history but it's like that a horrible uh singing uh what is it it says like we love the moon because what you mean like the quiznos sub yes that's the one oh they are good to us this thingy we like the moon the moon. Remember? Oh, it's the exact same guy. What's his name? I don't know what it is. I call him the Quizno Subs guy. Yeah, and somebody made a weird fucking video that just goes,

the sponge monkeys, we like the moon. Or light bulbs, but not as much as cheese. Like, it's just a bunch of words. It's very 2006. Like, the more random the better anyway they got a pepper bar see i don't know the original i just know that i know the fucking like you gotta go watch the quiz no subs but the one that video it's not gonna live up to the um the the the one that just says yells about cheese for. Look, I don't know what to tell you.

That was on albino black sheep. Remember albino black sheep? I do. You know. Wow, we could really get off on a tangent here. This is a stupid black hole we're going into. Just go watch Salad Fingers later and you'll understand what was happening here. When I did the finger thing.

I see. It was just supposed to give you an idea of like lanky long it did and i didn't love it okay well i'm keep i'm still doing it okay so oh yeah so the the skin of this thing that bill saw on the on the wall he said the skin was rough like either shark skin or wet sandpaper ew which like i i could not be less interested in seeing that with my eyes i don't i don't want to be a part of it also like i'm not gonna lie it seems like a hard thing you would be able to see at 10 30 at night with just your headlights but that's just me maybe it had like super goose bumps and it was real real bumpy like yeah maybe it's goose bumps instead of like little baby dots or like big old

bumps and so you could see them from far away i see like ostrich bumps you get it i get it that's why we're fucking friends i forgot okay. Okay. You forgot. I'm just kidding. So this thing had wet sandpaper shark ostrich bumps. Okay. And then it had no nose, no mouth, and its long spindly, spindly fingers. Apparently, it was in the middle of either standing on the wall or climbing on the wall, but either its hands or feet, the long little tendrils were curling around the rocks to hold on to the wall.

So it wasn't just standing there flat foot. It's like its little toes were like Tarzan-ing on vines. It was like grappling onto these rocks to stand on there, which really freaks me out. Apparently the creature was small but lanky and Bill, I compared it to a human baby's body Which really freaks me out. Apparently the creature was small but lanky. And Bill, I compared it to a human baby's body. And that it was like all kind of a compact little body. But with very long limbs.

And a head as large as the rest of its body. So like half of its weight was like being supported on this really thin neck. No wonder it needs those little things to hold grasp onto the wall. It's just like always like stress the fuck out trying to keep balance so bill says quote it turned its head to look at me and you get that moment where your eyes meet and i remember that happening and it freaked me out oh yeah no shit so yeah right so bill's two friends who would be perfect key witnesses to this whole experience were too busy talking and didn't see this. No, Andy and Mike.

So they were big, big Mike and big Andy. Oh, come on. So Bill's friends were distracted, didn't see anything. So Bill was on his own with this experience. But he the one story says that they actually did go back to see if they found anything still there but they didn't see anything but they ended up all just going home so that's that's bill's account okay so the next one was an hour to an hour and a half after bill was around the area this kid 15 year old john baxter is in the area and he is not necessarily on farm street but he's at an

intersecting road called miller miller hill road okay so he was near farm road only an hour or so after bill uh was there and john was just leaving his girlfriend k's home, and he was walking home near the woods, which, like, first of all, so 70s. And after about only a mile, first of all, if I ever had to walk a mile, I'd be like, Allison, you're driving my ass home. Walk a mile in the woods. No, no, no.

I'm sleeping on your couch, man. I know this is 70s, so I'll sleep downstairs, but I'm not walking. I'll sleep on the floor, wherever I need to be. So he left his girlfriend Kathy's house house he was walking near the woods and after only about a mile of walking he sees this figure walking towards him on the road and he sees that the figure has a large head and he thinks it must be his neighbor who had a condition before we laugh about that he thought his neighbor had a big head uh i because when i first read it i went that's hysterical and then i kept reading and i went oh yeah yeah yeah no i'm with you i was gonna be like why would you think that okay well because

my first thought was like rock goes my own life and his neighbor was literally mr big head right right right so that was my first thought and then I realized that apparently the neighbor's name was M.G. Bouchard. And he had some sort of condition from childhood where his head was just a little larger. Okay. Okay. And then it was not funny anymore. And I apologize forever. I think he was funny.

He thought it was this kid, M.G. Bouchard, maybe walking home late from a party. And so John called out to him so they could walk together um or at least say hi to each other but they both kept walking towards each other and the creature did not reply so john was wondering why this thing or this person or whoever it was wasn't saying anything back to him because he was definitely within like hearing range and john said quote as i got nearer and nearer i could tell it wasn't mg because it was much too small and mg would have called out to me anyway so i just kept close i kept getting closer and i was wondering who is this nightmare eventually as they're getting closer to each other the shadowy creature stops walking in the middle of the road okay john stops about 30 feet from him or this creature and they are

both just staring at each other and john is like what is going on decides to get like one step closer just to be like okay like now we're facing off like who is this thing so john takes one step closer and this creature just takes the fuck off into the woods john in a classic episode of stranger things doesn't run away from this creature but instead chases it to see what this thing was gets on his bicycle and chases it his bike this bicycle he had for a whole mile that he walked all right never mind um and so uh he follows it into the woods and eventually there's this whole chase scene of like he's by the trees by this gully blah blah

eventually john catches up to him and sees this creature standing in the woods by a tree and its feet or toes were wrapping around the trunk of a tree and the rocks nearby keeping balance while standing next to the tree here we go again with these toes with its little creepy toes it reminds me of like people who can like pinch with their toes yeah but like but they're like pinching the ground for dear life horrible um john says quote it was looking at me and i just stared at it for another few minutes and then i got all these thoughts that maybe it was something really strange because you know nothing ever happened to me like this before so i didn't know what to think i finally got the thought that maybe it wasn't as safe as it looked because the way it was no shit john it wasn't as safe as it looked because the way it was staring at me it just seemed like it was i don't know i just got all

these feelings that it was thinking to itself or waiting to spring at me or whatever and so basically john very quickly backed away and ran off good call good call so that's john's account and now the third one is two people so we've got abby and her boyfriend will who are also both teenagers and they are on springdale avenue which is not farm street but is still significant and i'll tell you that in a little bit. So Abby and Will are on Springdale Avenue, and Will is driving Abby back home. And while they're driving home by this bridge, Abby sees this creature crouching down, which we hate crouching.

No good. Crouching near the bridge next to a tree. But then when they're driving past, it stands up and looks at her. Well, Abby says, as I looked at it, it kind of looked like an ape. a tree but then when they're driving past it stands up and looks at her well abby says as i looked at it it kind of looked like an ape and then i looked at the head and the head was very big and it was a very weird head and it had bright green eyes and the eyes just glowed they were looking exactly at me and at the same time that she was seeing this thing stand up from a crouching position her boyfriend will said did you just see something so i guess abby said yeah lock the doors let's get the fuck out of here

out of all the reports the biggest thing is that both john and will say that this creature had orange eyes but abby says that they were green but that's like really the only difference oh wow because the yeah the fingers and everything the feet yeah so this is where investigation slash explanations to what they saw okay happen so the first part to this i have to like announce it now i'm not totally sure what i did my best to piece together the timeline, but I was getting really confused. I felt like every link had a different chronology to how the investigation itself started. So this was my best attempt at putting it together. But it was said in a few places that each time there was a sighting, it was reported to the police. So the police knew about

it but they didn't do anything in fact a lot of them just thought it was a hoax or you know not really worth paying attention to because really only three people say they saw this thing and then they never heard about it again so word spread through these witnesses uh about like the sighting of this thing over the weekend and bill overheard that other people had seen it and so he drew a sketch of it himself and ended up making a bunch of copies and handing them out all over town oh great i think he handed them out all over school but like one of them maybe like you know ended up in a pocket and then on a table somewhere else but it ended up trickling into the rest of town and one of the people who ended up with a photocopy of his drawing was lauren coleman who

i've mentioned uh a few times on our show he's basically the harry price of cryptids oh yeah is it lauren like or lauren it's spelled lauren with an o so maybe it's Lauren. Wait, can you spell it? L-O-R-E-N. Oh, so yeah, never mind. Lauren is like N-E, but Lauren, yeah. Oh, like SNL guy Lauren. Lauren Michaels, yeah. Yeah.

No, this is Lauren. So Lauren Coleman, he's like known as like basically the father. Right, I actually remember him. So he, I guess, happens to be in this town and finds this photocopy of a creature no one's ever talked about before. So right up his alley. I like to think it was like a lazy Sunday

and he was like, what am I going to do? He's just wandering around after brunch like, hmm. Yeah, and then there's like, you have a mission now, Warren Coleman. As word was trickling out that a bunch of teenagers saw this thing, and I guess people had started seeing the sketch around town, soon local papers were writing about the sightings, and the articles were all over the place.

It was giving this creature a lot of publicity, but all of the articles were like, I don't know if sensationalized is the right word, but they were like, I don't to like say a publication and like trash them but it was it felt more like like a tabloid like our it felt like our kind of tab like our kind of publication yeah and that's why it was the stories were like um one praised the witnesses characters saying they saw this they meant it like they're serious another article like completely bashed them another one said that like cops had searched the area but couldn't find

anything and there's this conspiracy cover-up another one said that cops had zero reports on the sightings and never heard about this and they're finding out through the paper another one said that the police station actually already had like a painting of this creature hanging in the office it was all over the fucking place so between these articles just i think getting sensationalized and lauren coleman himself finding one of these sketches uh lauren decided that he was going to get a team together and investigate the the cryptid sightings in this town yes love it and on this team were lauren himself and then ed fogg walter webb and joseph nyman so after lauren's investigation which was basically interviewing each person the police soon opened up an investigation and then and that's when they

asked each of the witnesses to draw their own sketch of the creature to see if they all matched up um or again because i'm like weird on the timeline lauren's investigation might have had them doing the sketches i'm not sure i'm not sure but sketches came into play got it and there are pictures online of each of the three people's drawings and they are pretty similar so um on bills he actually wrote i bill bartlett swear on a stack of bibles that i saw this creature i love you bill he was like i am going down like i'm going down with i will die on this hill yes everyone will know i will die on this rock hill with my toes clinging to the top you can't knock me oh i hate it so nothing ever really came from the investigations other than people coming to their own conclusions about what happened but these

sketches do if if they never talked about it beforehand with each other and all individually sketch these things without comparing stories it is very weird because it is definitely the same creature every time spooky especially because it was from the same night the same night all within about two hours and the fact that nobody else saw it any other day like did it go back to where it came from like oh yeah we have no clue it's into this day it has not officially been seen since so So this is like a... It's interesting. I don't know if that makes it more or less believable to me

because usually cryptids, like, everyone's got a story or knows somebody's got a story. And this is just three, four people, if you count the boyfriends. I almost think it makes it more believable because people aren't... There aren't any, like, fake, like, oh, I saw it too, like, a week later. Yeah. Stories that are sticking. Huh. aren't there aren't any like fake like oh i saw it too like a week later yeah it's stories that i don't know sticking huh so uh here are some of the theories there's seven of them okay or at

least these are at least these are the seven that i found so one simple is that it was actually the chupacabra so we're just like simple right we're We're just, you know, just putting it on something else. Just lump it into a totally different mystery. Well, because if you think about the fact that it could walk on both legs, it could be a quadruped. And the fact that it has like kind of an oblong face, maybe at night you wouldn't notice any other traits of it except its eyes. So it could have just been a dog with mange since everyone said it was hairless. Right, and orange. And orange.

But also I guess it's like, maybe it had some like fleshy color to it and like the lights hit it and it looked more orange. One thing I was wondering is that they said it's, two of them said its eyes were orange, but wasn't its skin also orange? So did the eyes just like blend into the skin? So I'm just reporting the news here but

i i didn't mention this because it felt a little odd but um another way that its skin was described was bill said it was the color of people in sunday news comics and i was i was like hmm so that makes me think like that's you're only referring to white people in comics. I left it alone, but I do know like the old vintage comics, white people being drawn in vintage comics, it was kind of like a peachy color. I see. Okay, I see what you're saying. I see. I just, it felt a little exclusive.

Oh, sure. Not inclusive, so I was like, I'm just not even going to go there. But that is another way that the flesh color was described. So we know that the skin itself was some sort of peachy off orange color, but then the eyes were apparently like bright glowing orange. In which case it makes me feel again like a deer in the headlights. Sometimes it glows orange really quickly. Yeah, true. When their eyes reflect.

So I'm not sure but people think it could be a dog with mange aka the chupacabra or just a dog with fucking mange by the way um people also think one of the bigger arguments was that it was either a baby horse or a baby moose that got loose in the area because its face at night would be like really melon oblong shaped with it wouldn't have a lot of facial features, especially in the dark. And it would and it would have lanky limbs since it was so tiny. And it would have it would have like kind of a stout belly and thin limbs. And it would be kind of the size that people were saying. Or a little moose.

Abby and her boyfriend Will both said that it was kind of like the size of a goat. So that would make sense if it was like just a baby horse but it wasn't full season okay and moose at that time of the year and that area of massachusetts would have been fizzucking massive like not small like like not had a little baby and their fingers probably wouldn't have been waving in the wind out of salad or something out of salad uh yeah well the actually the argument was like never have i ever seen a foal or a baby moose standing on its hind legs and sitting on tops of walls i'm gonna say that next time i'm playing the drinking game never have i ever uh another argument is that it was an escaped lab monkey or a legal pet monkey okay um even though a monkey and a baby moose look nothing alike what is really interesting in each person's account of seeing this thing at least once they each said something about it

looking like a monkey right and that would make more sense for gripping right yeah yeah and uh but they did say our bill said it didn't have a tail and it didn't have hair and it didn't have facial features so maybe they just saw the silhouette of something that looked like a monkey which is what all three of them at different times said that like from the silhouette we i thought it was a monkey for a second okay um or an ape right according to abby but there are two different things and i know that because i listened to the veggie tales song that's right they thought it could be a monkey and specifically it could be a gibbon okay because i guess they're they have orange yes bird babies oh and they're yeah they're very unique looking they have a gibbon um enclosure at the

Cincinnati Zoo I was trying to picture a gibbon real quick yeah oh my god and they're like orangey yeah so that would explain the orange color yeah and one of the one of the main arguments for why they thought it could be a monkey is because every person described it as human-like and they were like oh so maybe a primate okay wait look at this look at its like long limbs look how it's literally its toes it's it's got its little salad fingers it's holding on with its toes i mean that's fair and it has long limbs yeah and its eyes would probably reflect big big eyes so anyway that's another one is that maybe it was a monkey but all three witnesses just kind of mentioned that in the silhouette, it looked like a monkey.

But any additional features that they described don't fit it being a monkey. It was mainly because it's human-like and orange that they ran with that idea. Right. But like there were no, unless it was an illegal pet that got out, there's like no reports of a loose monkey in Dover, Massachusetts. Right. there's like no reports of a loose monkey in Dover, Massachusetts. So people also thought it could be an undiscovered animal that, which like, sure, but that's unlikely. But it was like this unidentified or mutated animal,

which was unrecognizable or it could have been an alien. But again, there were no UFO reports in the area. So they feel like that would be more of an inkling that it was an alien. And the last random theory is that the kids could have just all been drunk. Oh, my God. What's funny is Bill later even said, like, his friends and him were probably actually out driving around looking for a beer, but they never got drunk. He was like, well,

maybe, but no, we wanted to be drunk. Trust me. So, uh, they think like, Hey,

it was like a weekend night and they're all like in their 15 to 17 range. They might just, might've just been walking around in the woods, getting drunk. Damn. Um, so the main argument is that this is just a hoax especially because there's only been three people who've ever seen it a lot of people say that they

were playing a hoax but the police chief who states that there were reports about this or states that like you know he he actually believes the kids one of the things that like i think he was trying to help the argument of like no this isn't a hoax i know one of the kids and like he's a really he's a good kid he's trustworthy it ended up backfiring because it's like they found out that the police chief himself was friends with bill's family so he might have just been like trying to cover for him so he didn't look silly or embarrass himself but the police chief ended up making it look like it maybe was a hoax because of his connection with them yeah so um a lot of people say well it's a hoax and they're like well the police chief says that he believes them it's like well the police chief knew the kids family so maybe not um although other teachers vouched for the character of these kids except for two who said

that oh no these kids would absolutely pull a prank like this but uh to be fair all of them but abby uh so none of the male witnesses were good students. So they think that would explain the teacher's lack of faith in them. Sure, yeah. In being trustworthy. And if the kids, one of the bigger arguments, and whether it was a hoax or not, people say, well, if the kids knew each other, then we can assume that maybe they all hatched a plan. But did they know each other? We're not too sure. So nobody totally knows the connection that they

had before this night interesting during during interviews they i guess people were trying to figure out what their relationship with each other was and if they knew each other if they were truly just all three individual random people who saw this thing and all of their interviews were completely did not match up with everybody else's story. So it's very fishy. Will, the boyfriend of Abby. Yeah. So he saw the thing crouching down and all that. He says that he was actually going to go camping the next night with Bill, who also saw this thing.

And they picked up John, who was hitchhiking on the side of the road so he told this whole story that all three of them were literally together after they after they all saw this thing individually and when they got together they started talking about how they all saw this creature so like what are the odds that the only three people on earth who saw this thing end up in a car together and after they saw it they're comparing notes then john's interview he said that he hadn't heard that anyone else ever saw this thing for at least a week until he showed the sketch to someone at school and that random kid was like oh that that looks just like the drawing that bill has been drawing and photocopying for everyone which then adds the other caveat of like did

john see anything or did he see bill's original drawing and he drew something right right right be in on the story bill's interview he says that he couldn't remember when he saw john's drawing or anyone else's drawing or even compared notes with other people who saw this thing uh he just doesn't remember he basically was just like i believe the fifth i don't fucking remember and so it ended up being officially determined that bill who saw it first and abby's boyfriend will uh were actually friends in real life but john was only an acquaintance so ouch so also it makes you wonder like, okay, were these two people in on something? And like, John ended up wanting to be part of the narrative and insert himself?

Or did they convince a random person to do it so that it would look more legit? Or is it a coincidence? I mean, that two people in a small town that go to the same school that live near the same street, both saw this thing as well as a random other kid so it's like no one really knows wow no one like officially really knows what their relationships were it all seems to be a lot of hearsay and putting random stories together and trying to fit it into this it doesn't help that they're all teenagers so they could have all had connections in some capacity from school or friends or whatever there's no way of knowing and ultimately lauren coleman they were like well what's your take on this since you're like the cryptic you know uh investigation expert and he

believed that none of the teenagers talked about the sightings that they experienced until after reporting their own experiences and then they got together and like compared notes but they never talked to each other and then built out a story i mean it is a great way to become friends like truly traumatized by this cryptid yeah yeah for sure i don't know why you'd go camping after that i'd be like we're going camping inside the locked doors but that alone is so fishy of like are you kidding me you just saw this thing out in the woods and now you're gonna go maybe they wanted to go find it who knows i feel like that's another option like maybe actually that's or something i think you're doing the

thing i did last week where i think you're solving the mystery i just talk out of my ass and like it happens to kind of fit so lauren coleman uh he says that all three witnesses were credible and that this cryptid doesn't match any other reported cryptid sightings and therefore it must be its own creature and lauren himself actually uh coined the phrase dover demon so he thinks it also makes sense that a cryptid might be in this area because apparently there has been some unexplained activity in the past on Farm Street. So in a book in 1914 called Dover Farms by Frank Smith, it says that in this area there was also allegedly buried treasure. And in the 1600s, someone swears that they saw the devil on farm show and i wish i got more information but that was it was like a very quick quip in this

book and it was just like kind of like oh things have happened here you know that one time they saw devil anyway moving on and maybe he buried the treasure maybe he wanted the treasure i'm unsure lauren coleman said quote it's almost as if there are certain areas that collect sightings in a magnetic way so he thinks that because stuff has already been seen here it would make sense why the dover demons also seen here although you could just like say lauren coleman is talking out of his ass this is just a guy who really is super biased about cryptids and also the only other unexplained activity was a reference to something in the 1600s that could totally be misinterpreted right right like you could really see it either way depending on what you want to believe it's a good point um but the only two other potential

sightings of the dover demon happened one surprisingly five years before these three sightings in 1972 when a guy named mark was at the pond with his friends and they say they all saw something near the edge of the water that didn't look like an animal they knew but it had bright glowing eyes and in 1978 a couple years after all the sightings bill again maybe saw this thing when he was parked with his girlfriend and he heard a thud on his car and then saw a small shadowy figure run away so he's unsure if it was the dover demon or it literally could have just been an animal or it could have been a kid playing a prank on him or you know he doesn't know but they were the only two stories that seemed to get mentioned all over the news outlets about

if there have been any other sightings so when were those did you say so the official three sightings were 1977 right but a year later okay bill thinks he saw something in the car or by the car and five years before that like before we even ever mentioned this before there was investigations this guy mark was like yeah i saw this thing at the pond with my friends and i kind of feel like mark just wanted to be part of the story like yeah me too i saw it nobody cared what i said yeah exactly so it's officially still an unsolved mystery there have been no solid sightings since this which was over 40 years ago and in 2007 which was the 30 year anniversary um bill was interviewed

he's now a painter and he still stands by this story this is not one full quote of his but this is a compilation of quotes from people asking his opinion okay he has said the following quote it's a thing that's been following me for years not the creature but the story sometimes i dread every halloween getting calls about it it was my 15 minutes of fame without wanting it it was a little embarrassing it still is i don't usually tell anybody i shouldn't be embarrassed but you see these people on tv and they're made to make me look like idiots i really do wish that i had made it up i might have profited from it it's a great story i wish i saw it again so everyone would know it was true or i wish everyone

could see it again so i know it was true i've always tried to guess what it was and i never had any idea i definitely saw something though it was definitely weird and i didn't make it up okay i mean listen he stands by it the dover demon has sparked some pop culture references it's been in video games there are toys made of the dover demon i'm sure on etsy you can find some really crazy little crocheted dover demons it's been featured on unsolved mysteries coast to coast am monsters and mysteries in america and animal planets lost tapes and just to name a few and it's also in pop culture it was mentioned in a comic book series called proof which has 28 uh issues if you want to go buy them but it's apparently a whole comic book based on cryptids cool and fun fact there is a makeup brand called notoriously morbid

that makes an eyeshadow called dover demon no way in about.com which is owned by the new york times they say that the dover demon is uh one of the top 10 most mysterious creatures of modern times and just a fun fact some actually say that the dover demon could actually be from native lore it could be uh a managishi or a meme guesi which apparently are kind of i think the same spirits in different tribes it just sounds like they're very similar or related to each other but the managishi and the meme guesi um or meme guesi hopefully i'm saying that right but they are from the ojibwe cree ottawa algonkin inu metis and menominee menominee all those tribes have a different version of this lore and this creature is said to be a race of trickster humanoid spirits that are very small

with lanky limbs large heads and sometimes a narrow face and no nose and they live in the water and will sometimes capsize canoes or blow them away if not shown respect it's not nice but what's interesting here is that it says that they live in water and if one of the things that they found during the um when they were investigating all three of these sightings they realized if you put them all on a map all of these all of the sightings make a straight line and all of them are near different pieces of different places of water so just another little confirmation that like oh maybe this is just a manna manna gishi yeah yeah water spirit so anyway that is the story of the dover demon wowza i can't

believe i've never even heard of that i knew of it for a while and i just never covered it and apparently it's like super popular in paranormal lore i've just been like i guess actively not looking for it this whole time so oh man i thought that was cool i want to think that i oh i was gonna say one thing that i'm shocked by is apparently the town of dover like doesn't embrace it embrace it yeah like they know of it but they're not like you know how loch ness is basically a whole tourist attraction for yeah point pleasant like it's are the hopkinsville kelly hopkinsville aliens um apparently dover demon they all know of it but they're kind of like three people on one weekend said they saw something 40 years ago so it's probably just the one guy's like i just i wish i could prove myself because it's not i know

so i guess all of them are saying or most of the residents these days are like it's our own personal like easter bunny but we're not too attached to it but we can take it or leave it can you imagine like if there's like like a a conference for cryptids and like you're the dover demon you have to show up and like your hometown doesn't rep you where everyone else is like having like festivals and shit and mothman is just like the the prize of The fuck boy of the conference. I tell you what. He is just bringing people up to his hotel room every second of the day.

Not even by the elevator. He's just flying them up outside through the window. He's like- Holding them in his thick velvety wings and soaring them into the sky. If y'all didn't watch the cryptids poetry slam, man, you missed out. We had quite a sensual time together. It was very interesting listening to christine read me a little bit of smut and which i'm into i was like

christine i didn't know we could bond over this together but here we are i knew we could i was waiting for this moment it was a little xxx and also thank you eva for picking out all the stories but also eva like you knew what you were doing and you knew christine was gonna read me uh even i texted about beforehand she asked me if it was okay and i was like actually can you get me some more um so it's kind of my fault christine after you held my hand and sang me a song at a live show that was like a letter to a murderer or something or whatever it was it was very perverted yeah well and less perverted were these cryptid poems but you really did find your place in the

world where you just like reading slightly uncomfy things i literally told you in the sexual realm i was like remember that time i held mc and i want to do that again. So find me stories like that. And Eva was like, okay. Someone wrote up a story about how like they saw like a Bigfoot who had like an absolute dump truck ass. And that was a real sighting story. It wasn't even like a poem. It was like, yeah. So that was actually someone's true personal experience. And Eva texted me later and was like, I made sure you would read that yeah and i went oh thank you yeah she was very selective with the uh with the

storytelling i like when she think when she thinks about x-rated cryptid stuff it goes to you and when she just thinks of like big ass cryptids it's me something worthy of tiktok it's ems turn all right i am back welcome back from my pee break thank you so very much christine while we're here i think it's funny to let you know uh everyone out there you probably haven't seen the entirety of what the and that's why you drink apartment looks like but i mean you can pretty much expect it's a lot of like mothman posters and like bloody skulls and ghost hunting wooden dildos yeah all sorts of like zach bagans shit it's pretty disturbing and i just got a text from our landlord christine oh oh wait i saw that one came in i didn't read it what does it say it says hello tenants i hope you are doing just fine we're not we we will be having an

inspection and an we'll be having an inspection and appraisal this friday please make the unit available for viewing what is that supposed to mean sir i don't know i love that it says make it available for viewing as in like make sure it's clean and like available to be like people can walk in and inspect it and it's like that poor inspector that's a loaded question indeed that poor he's gonna be like what who do you house here remember that time i was there and i had to have a plumber come in and like fix that leak that was in the ceiling our ceiling was leaking so insane the entire apartment like nearly flooded i was horrible so upset imagine that poor zach bagans poster getting flooded uh tragedy um but when i'm just thinking lemon is

there they're literally gonna see a glass encased lemon well that is the only thing that will save them from a bad opinion but i'll have to go over there and take lemon so they don't steal please just protect lemon at all costs i don't like that you're leaving him there alone, but whatever. He's fine. He's protecting the house. Well, when the plumber came over, he kind of looked around and was like, do you sleep? Do you live here? Like, he was so confused.

And I was like, sort of. I'm not going to get into it. Sort of. It's like, why do you have so many things that just are like covered in wine and like why are there like little haunted corn husk dolls of you with your face glued on them yeah why are there dolls that look like zombies with their heads rolling off what is going on once again in front of the television like what literally like one of our like basically our mantle has a bunch of wooden dildos on them and

then he went into the bathroom and it had like barely because it i don't use it that often because it was just when i was staying there and he's like do you use this bathroom like nobody's ever used this bathroom like he was so baffled by the whole thing um it was the whole place is really an interesting site especially literally over your bed there's a bunch of framed pictures of mothman sitting in martini glasses there's a framed picture of cheesecake factory like it's like what an acid trip yeah sunset themed like elephant banner it's just the wildest place um oh i miss it so much i look i'm keeping it safe it's nice to have a workplace during everything so i know um anyway i'll head over there and let you know what the inspector says please do i cannot wait i cannot

we should get one of those like nest cameras and just see what happens when they walk in we have one homie i'll definitely send you yeah i'll send you the recording of what that poor man has we should set that up for all the time for ghost sightings how do we not have that set up i'll handle it okay thank you thank you don't worry okay so i have a story for you today this is the story of the colt neck mansion killings and i had not heard of this before and it's pretty recent so it's kind of an unfolding story so there might be an update in the future okay but for now we are going to cold snack new jersey and have you heard of this place me i mean either the the only thing i know about jersey is the jersey shore mtv and that i was born there oh those are the only two things that

matter don't worry two of america's what about jersey devil you know about that i do and i actually lived uh in near like the pine barrens right so you're yeah so that's a trifecta i'm my own little jersey devil you are that's what i call you yep behind your back um so i guess cold snack is this like star-studded neighborhood where uh like super wealthy famous people live so there's bon jovi queen latifah i know it's pretty wild and then there's also an educational animal sanctuary run by john stewart and his wife they like bought a farm and started up i guess she is an author and animal advocate and they like started up a like an educational animal sanctuary super cute um fun so it's just like a very unique area and very wealthy so a little before thanksgiving of 2018 it's november 20th and the police get a

call at 5 a.m to head over to 51 year old paul canaro's house apparently the house had caught fire while paul his wife and two daughters were inside oh shit but thankfully everyone was able to make it out unscathed so that was at 5 a.m on november 20th okay that same day like oh my god why am i trying to do math like five hours later at 12 38 p.m so like a little bit afternoon the police get another call and this time it's about paul's younger brother keith who also lives in the area and so paul's younger brother keith a groundskeeper noticed that keith's he's 50 50 old keith's mansion which is 10 miles away from paul's place is also on fire holy shit so both brothers houses catch on fire the same day that is a little too much of a coincidence to me. It's fishy, huh? Yeah.

So when police and fire engines arrive, they are shocked at what they see. They see Keith Canaro's body laid out on the lawn, having been shot once in his lower back and four times in the head. Holy shit. Yeah, it gets gruesome real fast. Okay. And that wasn't all, unfortunately.

Apart from the house literally being on fire inside the mansion they found the bodies of keith's wife jennifer their 11 year old son jesse and their eight year old daughter sophia all dead all dead oh for fuck's i know okay um and jennifer the wife had been shot and stabbed and the kids had all been stabbed as well oh my god so like different types of murder yeah like and also much more personal really violent yeah really gruesome and really violent like uh it's literally the trifecta of fire stabbing shooting yeah the trifecta they say the trifecta like all you're missing is drowning at that point that's horrible i missed the trifecta

of the jersey devil and your birthplace look the jersey devil didn't do any of that's horrible i missed the trifecta of the jersey devil and your birthplace look the jersey devil didn't do any of that's right the jersey devil's innocent he just likes to go boom that's it you know he's he's fine he likes to go to the convention with mothman and his friends and the i do you know what he's one of the big players there too because this whole town's so proud that's exactly right unfortunately the dover devil just has to like sit under his shadow they're like where where are you from dover demon and he's like i don't want to tell you it's fine it's all over the place on on his like sticker like it shows his name pronouns and where he's from and he like doesn't he just forgets to write where he's from he's like new

england he's just like it's just like kind of i'm an army brat all over the place, you know. Don't even worry about it. I don't have a real home. Sad. Okay. So the following day, Paul, the older brother, whose house was initially on fire, was arrested and charged with aggravated arson for torching his own home. And eight days later, he was charged with murdering his younger brother and his brother's entire family. And so this is a case that has not yet gone to trial so it's still unfolding whoa but we have wait so he so he set his own place on fire to make it look like they were both victims is that what's happening here so you know what that's a good question nobody totally knows oh okay he's like well while we're fucking that while we're at it yeah and so that's why it's

part of the confusing thing and i just also want to add like the reason we have so much information is because we have um affidavits of like what's been happening and they've been released to the public so even though this hasn't totally this hasn't gone to trial yet and hasn't been like resolved i guess it's still very very very detailed like we still have a ton of information so i hear you all right here yeah so as cbs news reported keith canaro the younger brother who had died uh was a was a successful businessman he was 90 owner of square one ink which was a technology firm uh or is a technology firm and uh his brother paul the older brother owned the remaining 10 so they both owned 90 and 10 of this square one company

nice keith had founded square one uh and it said that one of his first jobs was a janitor at a computer shop in brooklyn where he negotiated his wages in exchange for the computer manuals the shop had which he took home at night to study and then he built up his own he didn't have a college education or anything but he took the computer manuals home studied them and was able to build up build up his own company from the ground up which is pretty cool story yeah yeah so far at that point in his timeline of events i'm like this dude sounds pretty neat oh pretty kick ass guy yeah it it quickly spirals yeah yeah so far i think that's a pretty that's too and to be clear this is the one who was murdered this is keith the younger brother who like owned 90 totally

on board then yeah yeah so he keith the younger, is the one who built this company from the ground up, learned all he could about technology, working as a janitor, like pretty badass story. And as Square One became more and more successful, Keith got his older brother, Paul, involved to help the business thrive. His big brother was his first employee. So he really wanted to include him in the business. Very sweet. wanted to like include him in the business very sweet and as soon as the internet kind of properly kicked in in the 90s keith's original small company got a gig contract outfitting you know you know how that happens to all of us i absolutely know every word you just said uh someone's gonna try to explain it to me on twitter i'm gonna glaze over and be like oh okay

when you said it so quickly I glazed over I can't imagine what an explanation will do to me no with 140 characters or whatever oh my brain okay so he got a gig with Citibank's computer so just like a really big like partnership deal um and according to njnewjersey.com soon the business is making 5.5 million a year and so it built he was able to build it up really quickly and then when the internet kicked in it like took off so from janitor to manager keith was not stopping there according to the daily beast along with square one paul and keith canaro began building a series of businesses together including a pest control firm eco star pest

management and they had also previously worked together at a consulting firm called J. Martin, which I thought was cute because it's both of their middle names hyphenated, J. Martin Consulting. So they basically worked together at multiple different companies, created multiple different companies together, and were just partners in business and brothers. So while Keith was making the big bucks as the president of his own company, he was still working on himself and his own education outside of work. So he went to Columbia University in 2014 to get his undergrad. And then he followed that with an MBA from Columbia specializing in IT management.

So even though he has like this big successful business, he's still trying to, you know uh increase his own education it sounds like a real a real chaser yes a real hustler like every like you had me first of all you had me because it rhymed but you had me at from janitor to manager which like should be the big rhyme but it's close should be like the title of his like autobiography oh yeah but also like then like every like you just keep climbing ladders yes it's like nothing it's like he's always building up the next goal like he yeah continues to he's a goal getter like boss babe you know he's a boss girl boss girl boss boy boss it's boy boy boss boy boss summer oh my god yeah so he's a boy boss and he

is kicking ass um and keith was obviously known for his hard work his drive um there's a guy named brian bott who owned like a local gym who said keith would always chat to him about how excited he was for his own future and then a friend i know and then a friend named amit chaudhry uh who was in keith's master's program at columbia said they would always chat about how keith's goal was to become the chief technology officer for a fortune 500 company um and he like he basically was trying to manifest it in other words like he sounds like he was fucking working no honestly like if anyone could do it it sounds like it was him he sounds like he was so proud of himself. Yes, he was working his butt off. And he had a lot of big goals. And he was like reaching his goals, like you said. And I mean, as someone who always wanted to be

Forbes 30 under 30, that I missed the boat. So if you still have a few months. God, okay, no pressure. Okay. Well, I found out cincinnati has a 40 under 40 and i'm like all right god nine years left let's kick it into gear um and it'll all be because you drank some wine because i didn't want to go to work i wanted to drink wine instead you did not do the keith route to be fair not even a little bit oh i'm not even gonna pretend um so yeah he he kind of always was talking about like one day i have a dream of becoming like the chief technology officer for a fortune 500 company um and according to amit he would just mention it to everyone and was just trying to like put it out you know how they say like if you have goals like put them out there and people will hold you

accountable yada yada look i whatever he was doing was working it was working yeah so no judgment around the time of his murder uh keith had begun heading out on job interviews and had even been considering selling his own technology firm and one person that had become let's say less than pleased by this was his older brother paul was this like a sibling rivalry situation? So basically Paul had had this cushy job for years because his younger brother founded this whole company and then said like, here you can work here and you get 10% of the company. And now he might sell. Yes, exactly. And he had a massive income and he wasn't, you know, there wasn't much pressure on him.

It was his own brother's company. So he didn't feel like the pressure of losing a job or anything like that until keith said i'm considering selling and moving on to do something else probably he probably felt like the like the carpet was getting yes precisely exactly and unfortunately this was not the first rift between keith and paul there had been a bit of tension building over the years, especially after 2013, because in 2013, Paul had been badly injured in a car accident. And after that, he underwent multiple surgeries because of his constant pain. And because of this period of his life, he had been secretly borrowing, quote unquote, money from the company. A.K.A. embezzling.

A.K.A. just,zzling. A.K.A. Yes, stealing. Okay, got it. So he had been like literally just stealing money from his own company, his brother's company. Keith eventually noticed this. I think Keith is not the type to slouch on keeping tabs on his own business. So he obviously noticed that the accounts were losing money. And there's this massive financial friction happening between them.

But also it's like, would that be enough to murder your own brother and his kids? Like, it just seems like an extreme. Yeah. I wonder, like, I mean, who's to say, like, what truly causes something like that? But I would love to know the inner workings like look at a brain scan or like hear what the therapist had to say or look at your childhood because you got to be built a certain way even if it was like i can't think of wanting to murder somebody just because like i you know i have to make a life change yeah i agree and i feel like financial

friction is one of those things that causes people to snap in such a way that like you don't see any other type of friction like when you see these family annihilators i feel like there's always a financial thing stressor underneath yeah they don't want their family to they think they're doing a favor by killing their family to protect them from financial ruin right like it just i feel like financial stuff gets really really messy but at the same time if you and your brother have a financial thing like killing his young children your niece and nephew is like whoa i wonder if it's i wonder if it's a combined thing then of like the financial stressor like he he killed his brother maybe more out of anger but then he realized what he did and then also killed

the family so they wouldn't have to suffer without their husband and father like maybe he had maybe he had had some sympathy after the fact so he stabbed i don't know i don't look none of it makes sense none of it's good um well i'm gonna give you some more insight i will be okay therapist just kidding i'm not please sorry don't nobody sue me i'm not a therapist dr christine here i am no uh my own therapist would probably just i feel her somewhere going like what is she doing what is she saying make it make her stop uh my mother is doing that every second of the day she's like i imagine she just stops in grocery stores being like i am so on edge and i couldn't even imagine what's happening on the other side of this country i hope they're i hope our moms are in therapy so because of the like wild media traction surrounding the case as you can imagine in a neighborhood where it's you know uh queen latifah

lives and john stewart and all these people uh there's like huge media sensationalism around this case where two mansions are set on fire and then a family is murdered um and so the monmouth county prosecutor said to the press that if paul were indicted by a grand jury he would release the affidavits to the public so that people could know what was going on and that's exactly what happened so paul was indicted by the by a grand jury and the prosecutor was like here are all the affidavits this is what's been going on behind the scenes so now i have like a literal 20 point list here of all the things that we found out through these affidavits holy shit okay before you do that real quick so what was the name of the

town again um it's called colt neck new jersey col Neck Mansion Killings well because you said you said the county I was actually born in so oh Monmouth County yeah I'm only I was only 20 minutes away from there oh my god well you are related to Bon Jovi so I guess that makes sense I'm actually related to Queen so can you like put some respect on my bad that's way cooler yeah okay go ahead with your 20 points jesus i know so i will tell you first this is not my uh my write-up this is from patch.com and a writer named carly baldwin made a write-up of like a summation of what's in all these affidavits so okay it's a 20 point list and they're all just fascinating so we're gonna go through them number one paul canaro allegedly stole 78 000 from keith and jennifer canaro uh and he stole the money sometime between january of 2017 and the day of the murders

which was um november of 2018 this is all pretty recent and then nbc later reported that in 2020 sorry they reported in 2020 that jennifer's father vlasis caritas i'm assuming he's greek sounds like he's greek sounds like a greek yeah i mean who's to say but he unfortunately came forward and said that jennifer had told him before her death that she and keith had discovered that paul was stealing their money from trust they had set up for jesse and sophia's college funds so basically their uncle was stealing from their own they stole their uncle stole 78 000 from their own college funds um and according to jennifer it was closer to 90 000 so um her dad came forward and was like yeah she told me um they found out paul was stealing money directly from the children their own children okay so number two the first

police response the day uh was at 501 a.m when police responded to a 911 call that paul's home at 27 tilton drive was on fire and when police got to the scene they discovered paul his wife susan and their two daughters who were in their 20s sitting in the car outside the home the rear of the home was on fire and there was a small fire at the garage door investigators noticed that paul's white porsche mccann mccann mccann porsche mccann i'm assuming porsche just all you have to say there's multiple porsches um okay so we got to clarify i forgot we're in the rich and famous area how did you forget you were born here weren't you queen latifah herself birthed me.

I am Princess Latifah. Thank you. You wish. I wish. So investigators noticed that Paul's white Porsche. And also somebody wrote a rude tweet at us about how we pronounce things. And I'm like, you know what? I feel like we've gotten a lot better. I'm pretty damn careful most of the time and

the only reason if i don't know how to pronounce anything it's because there's no online clarification for me there's too many online clarifications and i like i'll click on a different they're all different yeah and i feel like people well fuck here we go this person was so mean and she was like i'm not listening to you anymore and i was like wow okay i really try fine if you want me to say this right i'll say it the german way okay you know what you want me to say it german way it's a porsche okay that's how you say it everybody you don't say porsche that's incorrect so if we're gonna be all nitty-gritty about our pronunciation let's do it so also in black widow in case anyone hasn't seen it yet is pronounced pronounced Budapest, not Budapest. Actually, it's pronounced Budapest is how you say the town.

Well, mother fucker. Got it wrong. I need to go watch the movie again. All right. Budapest. Okay. Budapest. So Paul's white Porsche was parked in the driveway.

It had a brown stain on the hood, indicative of likely spot poor burn patterns. Essentially, what that means is, as far as I can tell, it's arson related. So there's poor marks and burn marks from where somebody would have poured gasoline. Got it. There was also a red colored gasoline can found sitting in the driveway near the Porsche.

Well, that'll fuck. Yes. Along with a charred rubber glove located next to the porsche so we just like didn't throw away like what are you doing yeah what are you doing yeah um and then i'm not a criminal but like i know to do that you know like at the very least right or somebody in my car of five people is like why is there a gasoline can and i'm like let me move that before the police get here but whatever yeah um they also found three more identical red gasoline cans in a shed behind the home sitting in a row with a space in

between where clearly one of them had been taken out as someone who is like really into like order i feel like you should have picked the one on the end like hello i feel like that was just like added insult to injury yeah like what are you doing i'm gonna make this feel uneven to you like you're making it too obvious so clearly a fourth gasoline can had been removed from the row they also found similar rubber gloves in the shed paul's home we're also on point number five now i'm just kind of rattling through them paul's home had exterior surveillance camera set up but paul told police oops i turned them off because i thought they were slowing down my wi-fi oh my god uh you what he turned well good question because the last recorded activity

was november 20th of 2018 at 1 28 a.m keep in mind that's literally the night the night like hours before the day of the murders. He just happened to turn them off at 1.30 a.m. because the Wi-Fi wasn't working properly or something. And a review of that footage showed Paul walking into the garage and turning off the cameras. And the cameras were later found to be hardwired and not connected to the Wi-Fi at all. So he's full of shit. And he was in tech, right? Yeah, he was in tech right uh yeah he was in tech you're completely right so like so like it's not like my dad who wouldn't who just unplugs shit right like who thinks he like you plug in the cloud and shit

like so i had to unplug the cloud it was messing up my stove by the way um my dad has a new phrase i'd like to announce to people so my dad thinks the cloud is like a physical cloud or something i'm really confused by him being so confused yeah but when it comes to texting so he recently uh got social media which is terrifying to me he has been like commenting on people's pictures and stuff and but or like he has he commented on one thing and i was like oh like i saw you like you're even commenting on things like i was trying to like like be impressed wow good for you i was like you don't just have an account you're like using the account and he was like yeah but people keep trying to talk to me on there and i don't want to talk to people he's very much like a red

foreman kind of guy from that 70s show he's like i don't know why they're talking to me like i don't want to hear from you like i like that's just slapping thumbs at that point and i was like what is sorry and slapping thumbs is to him it is when you're just like tap like talking to people like commenting on stuff and like trying to like start a conversation on your phone so like typing on your phone he's like when two people are talking online and they don't really want to be talking to each other they're just slapping so it's like online small talk is just slapping thumbs it's just slapping thumbs shut up i was like that's actually pretty on point honestly that one like fits like i'm like yeah i kind of get it but he said it so he was like we're just slapping thumbs i don't i don't know why i'm here and i was like rewind what now rewind i was like what what 13 year old in fredericksburg

virginia told you that that's a phrase i was gonna say it sounds like a very boomer phrase like we're all just slapping thumbs on here but also it kind of works you know i'm kind of digging it so now when i text you i'll be slapping thumbs we're always slapping thumbs we're just sending each other coffin emojis and oh my god you got. You got it. Glittery skulls. All right. So, anyway, you're completely right that he's literally in tech. And he's like, oh, well, it was slowing down my Wi-Fi. And they're like, your cameras are hardwired.

And we know it. And you unplugged them literal hours before your brother was murdered. So, okay. Exactly. Number six, two butane lighters were located inside the home. One on a small table in the living room just inside the front door and another on the living room floor. Number seven, when interviewed, Susan, Paul's wife, told police that she and her husband

were sleeping in separate bedrooms due to marital difficulties. And she also said she had never known her husband to turn off the home security cameras before. So this was clearly something she was not. Like a one and done situation. She was surprised. Yeah. She was was like this is not usual behavior it's not like every time the internet feels slow he unplugs them or something yeah uh police then reviewed footage from a neighbor's security camera um and that camera showed a white porsche suv leaving paul's home at 208 a.m

and returning at 408 a.m the same night uh-huh i see how mysterious he unplugs his camera at 130 leaves at two and comes back and like less than and less than an hour later the police were called yes and then yeah right and then at five the police are called exactly so canine dogs were then canine dogs i guess that's a redundant and feline cats like cats uh it says k9 you know so in my head i'm like oh you know that brand that breed the unit the that you canine units yep were brought in thank you to paul's house to search for accelerants the dogs made several hits not surprising there was a literal gas can in the driveway um they found an unspecified fire accelerant on the outside of the basement window, as well as several near the garage door, under the garage door, and inside the trunk of the partially burned Porsche.

And a judge issued a search warrant to search Paul's three other cars. So that's where you're getting all these Porsches from. You're right. Three other cars parked at the home at the time in one of them which was a porsche cayenne uh police said they found a backpack containing a laptop paul's passport a nine millimeter barrel of a sig sauer firearm accessories believed to muzzle the sound of the gun uh plus a night vision accessory that attached to the gun so how mysterious how mysterious like how very smooth of an operator this man is a large gun safe was also found inside the garage and paul had multiple firearms registered to him

in there even more firearms were found in the basement of the home ammunition identified as fiocchi nine millimeter that's an italian brand i looked it up uh fiiochi it sounds it sounds like a pasta but it's a gun fiochi like i'll have my gnocchi with my fiochi don't shoot your gnocchi with your fiochi uh nine millimeter bearing the stamp gfl 10 9x19 so you don't need to memorize that but just keep that in the back like they had they had the the number like they have that's the number that they had that's the the brand the whatever a firearm brand is called that's what the model okay i guess oh of the gun uh and they found that in the basement and at 12 38 p.m that same day a neighbor called 911 to report that 15 willow brook road in colt's neck is on fire and that is keith's home so police there find the body of

keith shot several times lying on the front lawn uh shell casings are found by his body and they read fiochi nine millimeter bearing the stamp gfl 10 9 x 1 9 so okay so like ding ding ding keith had been shot once in the lower back and four times in the head like i said earlier inside the home investigators find the body of jesse canero um 11 on the kitchen floor he had been stabbed multiple times sofia canero 8 was on the landing of the stairs leading up to the second floor she'd also been stabbed multiple times i mean horrific um and then the mother jennifer canero's body was found on the stairs leading up from the basement. She had been shot once in the head and stabbed multiple times in the torso. And police believed Paul Canero started a slow burn fire in the basement of the home that would slowly smolder for hours before becoming big enough to be noticed by neighbors. Wow. So they believe he went over there between that like 2 a.m. and 4 a.m. Right. Killed them and then set like a really small fire that would like eventually be enough to eventually get super bad.

Yeah, exactly. They found a knife at the house and a swab was taken from it that determined Sophia's blood was on it. The eight year olds. Jesus. Yeah. Detectives pulled all of the area's 911 calls made that night they learned that at 3 33 a.m a neighbor three and a half miles away said he heard what sounded like five gunshots coming from the area and he didn't know obviously where so when police responded they weren't sure

they didn't see anything police also canvassed residents on the street and a woman who lived nearby said she couldn't sleep that night heard five loud cracks that sounded like gunshots, followed by one single gunshot. And she she clarified that she recognized the sound of gunshots because they were often deer hunters in that area. So she said it wasn't fireworks, I swear. Look, at least at least someone was clear on that i know i know i'm like i mean i grew up somewhere where you had to know the difference between gunshots and cars backfiring but i didn't live in colts neck whatever the hell um so you know whatever but so she remembered the time as 3 10 a.m because it was displayed on her cable box i'm like i hope nobody nowadays i'm very if i hear

something weird i'm like what's the exact time in case i have to be questioned by police about a murder but back that like before i did a true podcast i never would have paid any attention to the time truly imagine like what time did it happen i don't know it was dark that's what would have happened before yeah i'm really came popping up no for sure for sure. And people back in the day could be like, I was in the middle of the Wendy Williams show, and it was like, that was a specified time. Now everything's streaming. It's like, I was in the middle of Grace and Frankie.

And it's like, well, that means nothing, because you were watching it on your laptop, dummy. Yep. Anyway. Okay. So anyway, I'm just glad someone was paying attention, I guess. Number 16. In the days after this case detectives were

contacted by the woman who was married to the third canaro brother named cory so this is cory who's 44 years old uh he's the third canaro brother we haven't heard from him yet and i was gonna say this is a new uh celebrity appearance he's coming on the scene uh his wife contacted detectives and said when the murders occurred her husband drove their children to pennsylvania out of concern for their safety and he remained there wished to speak with detectives so detectives drove to pennsylvania to meet with him there he was like so freaked out for his own family that he drove to pennsylvania and said you need to come here if you want to talk to me and sure yeah like sure we'll do that so hey that's a good father I agree I mean at this point you clearly can't trust this fucking brother of yours right like holy shit so Corey revealed

that at 6 58 p.m on November 19th so that was the night before the evening before uh Keith was killed Keith had forwarded an email to him that he had sent to two business associates and in the email keith said he discovered money missing money missing from the two businesses the brothers ran together presumably like the 78 grand we were talking about and keith said he would be discontinuing payments made in the name of paul's wife susan until he could locate the missing money so he was like cutting them off essentially got it uh so i'm sure that was the trigger quote unquote yeah i have you have a hunch yeah exactly the catalyst uh-huh um until he could locate the money and the money was being paid under susan's name because after his car accident paul had been classified as disabled

and so for whatever reason it was easier to put the money in his wife's name and cory also told police that keith had confided in him that he was frustrated with paul and the amount of money paul was spending from their business accounts and keith said you know what it's time i'm gonna sell the businesses uh and that was the last that was the night before he was murdered so cory was like yo i have some intel and i do not feel safe with this intel yeah but i'm yeah no truly he must have been like um i can exactly tell you yeah i know completely like i know exactly what happened and you need to fucking give me some i don't know protection some yep what do they call it a uh security detail sometimes i watch criminal minds as i'm wearing my unsub sweatshirt um so it would later be revealed that in the late summer of 2018 keith had sent his friend

an email which read so this is about this is keith sending an email to his friend said i don't know what he presumably paul i don't know what he thinks but i would rather take the cash now than deal with him going forward he He's a bit fucking nuts. So Keith is like, Paul's like off his rocker. And famous last words. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And on this note, a previous employee at Citibank's Chicago office commented on Paul and his quick temper.

Apparently, the employee had made fun of Paul for being slow about something at one point. had made fun of Paul for being slow about something at one point and he remembers quote Paul picked up a screwdriver off a table and said something like you know you could have a fatal accident back here well red flag red flag red flag oh there was one time I was driving in a car on the way to a party with a couple people I didn't know and i like i knew of them but we weren't super close i was just like bumming a ride off them right and as we were driving through these like windy roads and we were near a cliff the driver was like if i went to right now i could just drive us off the cliff what the i was like i was like what are we up to my friend i was like, what are we up to, my friend? What?

And especially with somebody in the car you don't know very well. Like, no, no. I was like, that's silly. Like, let's not do that. I was like, ha, ha, ha. Oh, my God. Anyway, it just reminded me of that where I was like, I'm in danger. Like, it's too late.

That's a red flag but i'm trapped in the back seat of this car it's like there's not much i can do i guess you're right you could kill and i'm taking an uber home after the party right yeah holy shit uh yeah so apparently this employee was like i just was like poking fun at him and he basically threatened that i would have a work accident and picked up a screwdriver i mean like just clearly alarming um so keith was the primary owner of square one with a 90 share paul owned 10 and then the extermination business they had they owned equally uh and the office manager for both businesses also said keith had confided in her that he was angry paul was withdrawing so much money and in the past year keith had also directed her to suspend payments to paul's wife because of

arguments over the money so this money thing is getting clearly out of control in the year before keith was killed spiraling yeah and on november 23rd this is three days after the murders a police cadaver dog did a second search of paul's house 27 tilton drive and the dog found a plastic plastic container hidden in the basement of the home and inside this container were a pair of jeans and a latex glove with giant red stains consistent with blood folded into the clothes was an unspent nine millimeter bullet with the stamp gfl 10 9x 9 jesus wow and uh point number 20 the last point on november 27th lab tests came back an eight-year-old sofia canaro's blood matched the blood found on the jeans in the latex glove fucking horrible fucking horrible so that's what we all that's what the

public found out from the affidavits that were released. That's how we have all this information, basically, even though this hasn't gone to trial yet. So on March 18, 2019, Law and Crime reported that Paul Canero's attorneys parted ways with him because of conflicts of interest, which is like. But apparently his original defense attorney maintained Paul'sul's innocence saying paul canaro loved his brother loved his sister-in-law like a sister loved those children would never do anything to harm them there's no reason on this earth for him to have harmed them which is like cool how convincing yeah that means nothing you got me yeah you're right that changed my mind let's let's end early let's yeah we were all wrong uh big misunderstanding and apparently the new york times spoke to a man who did not wish to be named don't blame him who said he believed it was unlikely that paul would

set his own house on fire because he had worked so hard on it uh he told me he spent 140 000 building his deck it's stainless steel screws it's so over the top for this neighborhood that's why i keep saying there's no way he lit fire to his own house he's so passionate about it it's his baby so to torch it if it turns out that that's the truth i'll be totally surprised the man said oh jesus like i don't even know where to start with that one about i don't know what's i don't know where to start with he's like stabbing in his 11 year old nephew that wouldn't shock me but torching his deck yeah yeah yeah like the priorities of this person are it's very interesting that i feel like I know this person without knowing anything more than the quote. He's just slapping thumbs. If I could slap some thumbs his way, I'd say, you know what?

You are wrong. Sit down. Stop telling us about the screws on the deck. Like, what the hell are you talking about? Trying to defend him and say he would never set his own house on fire. First of all, even if he really cared about this duck more than his own family uh that still makes him an unstable person well clearly that's a good point like that doesn't make him look any better to be like oh yeah he never like uh i guess i couldn't speak to speak to like

murdering children but his own deck i don't know that he would set his deck up it's like what what kind of fucking strange i like how this person was like i don't want to be named and i thought it was going to be for his own safety and now i'm like i think it's because you knew what you were and i think everybody in your neighborhood is like i know who that is that's what's his name across the road it's that fucking guy with the shitty deck who like he won't stop talking about all of our porches fucking deck yeah oh my god yeah just so bizarre like okay again these two people are trying to convince me he's innocent like you're doing a great job uh so all that said there's an article on app.com which is apparently so you mentioned it was funny you mentioned uh a website that was

i think about about.com about.com owned by was it new york times so dot com about dot com owned by it was in New York Times. So this is app dot com owned by USA Today. I guess they're just like picking up every like little catchy. What is New York Times going to add our app or what are they going to give us an app? What's going on? No, it's bizarre. So they own app dot com, I guess, which is like its own separate publication. And it suggests that the fires apparently weren't even paul's first which i guess shouldn't be surprising but kind of took me off guard um so this article references a 2008

fire that started in a closet in the master bedroom of paul canaro's home and which netted him an insurance payout exceeding 26 000 according to a court document so like he's already torched his own house for insurance money this isn't even the first time he's sir whoever this other guy is yeah so the guy with the shitty porch like he's already torched the porch you know what i'm saying he's already he's already torched the porch um porches torches you know i'm saying yeah so like clearly this isn't even the first time he's fucking done this so as we mentioned earlier on novemberth, 2018, Paul was indicted by a grand jury on 16 counts, including four counts of the first degree murder of Keith, Jennifer, Jesse, and Sophia. Felony, murder, arson, weapons charges, theft, misapplication of entrusted property, and hindering his own apprehension, according to the Monmouth County Prosecutor's Office. Paul pleaded not guilty to all 16 counts and faces trial this year on december 2nd 2021

so a couple months away and paul's family was interestingly not present as he entered his not guilty plea um and i have to imagine they didn't know about his plan because remember when the wife was like i've never seen him unplug the cameras like clearly i don't think they were in on it the the family. No, they seem, I think this is a one-person situation. And this must be shocking to, like, hear that your father's being accused of this. Can you imagine finding out that, like, your husband is doing this? It's like allegedly the murder of your niece and nephew. Yeah, it's horrifying.

Jesus. So they were not present when he put that plea in. Wow. And the Daily Beast did a really beautiful summary of jennifer jesse and sophia's obituaries i'm just going to read a couple little snippets so jennifer graduated from the university of albany and loved to host family parties for every holiday at her home their son jesse was a fifth grade student at conover road school and excelled in history especially world war one and world war ii his sister sister Sophia was a third grader at the same school

and was a Girl Scout who loved taking martial arts classes. She also enjoyed baking with her mom and loved ice skating in the New York Yankees. And that is the fucking horrible, tragic tale of the Colt Neck Mansion killings, which I'd never heard of before and which I'm just like, I am so curious to see how it unfolds. When do we find out officially? So the trial starts December 2nd, allegedly am so curious to see how it unfolds when do we find out officially so the trial starts december 2nd allegedly so we'll see but that's when it's currently set to start so it'll probably be a while till we hear any updates but maybe we'll do a follow-up at some point

yeah wow sad i don't know where to go from here well that's every week i suppose but uh good storytelling christine oh thanks so much is what i don't really get i guess when you had mentioned it earlier why he torched his own house like i i really feel like maybe he had a he had a different original plan where he was like maybe gonna maybe he got scared and was going to like hurt himself in the house and it would look like it was an like both brothers got attacked by a rival or something yeah you know what i think that makes the most sense that like he was trying to make himself look like a victim too yeah it was something whether or not he planned on being in

the house and unaliving himself to you know maybe like with all this guilt and intense pressure or maybe he was just trying to burn his own house and he could look like he was at the grocery store and he is finding out the hard way that someone was after the brothers and their business right you know right right right right that's that's my guess no that makes sense because i guess i was like that never really was fully explained um because clearly he did it intentionally but yeah i think that makes no sense so we'll see we'll see maybe we'll get some answers but until then how are you feeling oh are you i'm listening i'm good i'm drinking my iced coffee almost done with it good good thanks for asking do we have any updates anything like coming up that we need to talk about i don't think so i don't think so i feel like the the um poetry slam was like the big to do

yeah oh i will say in the next i don't i'm early august i don't know what when it will be but early august will be the next escape room so um so exciting just trying to end on a high, my friends. Yeah. Doing what I can. But yeah, so look out for the next escape room. I'm going to start working on it next week. So I'm coming up with all my ideas now. So I'm in the middle of giving myself a lot of migraines. Super. But it's worth it in the end.

Have fun. Have fun for you. Well, it'll be worth it for us. We can't wait. Good. I'm glad. Whenever you're feeling like questioning it or feeling down, be like, but think about how happy Christine will be. Yeah, it's nice to know that you enjoy, you know, the results of my pain. Yeah, always.

That's all I could ask for. Well, thank you, everyone. And we'll see you next week, I guess. And also, if you do happen to run by a Haagen-Dazs or a gay cruise, please think of Uncle Alan this week. And he is now a member of my little spirit squad up in the air, watching down on all of us.

Your own little spirit squad. I love that. He's joined the ranks, and now he's watching out for all of us and probably laughing at any and all misery that comes my way so he'll be pleased by your escape room too so he will he'll be like jesus take a nap and go on a cruise relax and that's why we drink