And That's Why We Drink - Listener Stories: Vol. 59

Episode Date: September 1, 2021

Happy Zeptember! We’re here with a grab bag of creepy stories for you…or is it just Em and a collection of audio clips of Christine gasping? We’ll never tell!So keep an eye on your rocking chair, don’t look in the mirror, and pray your boss doesn’t look at the dash cam. And that’s why we drink!

testing testing christina's ugly i just couldn't let that one sit separate from the audio recording no i had i had just had to say something i like to give you a little jab every night i have thorough plans to not edit the YouTube video, so it's going to be in there twice. So that's going to be fun for everyone. It's going to be like a mantra or like a Bloody Mary, like say this three times.

Yeah, I'll just avoid saying it the third time. If you say it the third time by the end of the episode, something terrible is going to happen. You're going to morph into like Beetlejuice or something. Oh, hi. It's September. the end of the episode something terrible you're gonna morph into like beetlejuice or something so oh um hi it's christine september i missed you so oh it is the the month of the z's as they say oh everyone's trying to guide me and how to pronounce it i'm like i mean i know on like a on an intellectual level i understand how to say it i just you really should learn considering like your baby is going to be born this month pretty like potentially I don't know I mean it's right on the cusp there October 1st there's a 50 50

chance you're gonna have to say September for the rest of your life so I know I mean there already is that because like it's something you have to say anyway but there will be a higher importance 50 chance well it's fitting because we have these creepy story eva picked some creepy stories i guess they're a lot of them are as i demanded um creepy child related or parent related somehow um and as we were getting ready to record i was telling them juni is not leaving me alone today he's being like really clingy like they saw it on camera he was like climbing up my neck like hanging on me and he's usually very aloof and doesn't want to be touched so i'm like slightly your cat is acting very freaky i'm glad you saw it because i was like i feel like no one believes

me like how weird he is but he's been like i wouldn't i wouldn't have believed you i would have because also as someone who doesn't have pets i sometimes like when people are talking about their pets behaviors i wonder wonder if it's like, like, it's just because you're the parent and you just see differently. But like, for me, I'd be like,

your dog is not side eyeing at you. Yeah. But no, I just watched your cat act. Very creepy. Hanging on me with like his claw. Like he's desperate. Like for dear life.

Like for dear life. So part of me is like, Oh my God, am I going to, are we going to do this creepy child episode? And then my child is going to be like, I'm here. I don't know. I'm, I'm slightly convinced. Well, if I'm right and the baby is born this month, then like this might be your last listeners

episode for a while that you're recording. Oh Lord. Good luck, everyone. I don't know what's going to happen next month. Really good luck to me. I'm going to have to problem solve real quick. Be on my toes. Be on my toes.

You can just tell Eva the stories. I like how I'm just like, let's put Eva in charge of one more thing that she doesn't have time for. Let's make Eva the talent now. We will either force someone else to do it or I will do all of it or I will figure something creative out. Or you can just like take my audio from past. You could just take

and then just like put that every couple minutes. We really should do like a whole like soundtrack of all of your little voices, like all your little bits, like gasping and stuff. So we could just throw that in. I love that. So when I record the listeners episodes,

we still got little Christina's. I could probably just take off the rest of my life right like you could just put that. I think that would you could at least cut a big chunk of your career out. You know the freakiest part is like everybody you guys didn't know this yet but that's actually what's happening right now I'm actually not here you're hearing

my voice and has like cut together a bunch of my old clips. It took a long time because I defined every single word and it had to flow and it was real choppy like going into labor and phrases that like i've never used before so it's actually kind of crazy how much work i've put into this uh look i'm so glad that my my efforts are being recognized so well you're editing me so you're you know forcing this narrative of my complimenting you.

It's fun because I'm actually just creating. I'm reading a script right now, and I know what I'm supposed to be saying. And then I go and find words that you said and just kind of put together a response. It's a masterpiece. See, I did that on purpose. I'm so good at this stuff. It's so meta. Okay, anyway.

Read me a tale. Welcome to September where we read creepy stories and uh next time it might be even creepier because you'll hear a baby crying in the background and it won't be a whale it'll be a human so oh i thought you meant a whale like a crying whale it'll be a whale but not the one with fins oh yeah well actually i was thinking like the whale sounds for the whale right not the whale whale sounds it will technically still be a whale yeah it'll be baby whales okay so this one is from crystal um the title is creepy pregnancy story for christine yeah right on brand well that's exactly what you wanted all right hi i'm christine eva, and that's why we drink baby. Aw. We're going to have to have just a team milk. Team milk, yeah.

Instead of a team milkshake. Gio, Junie, Moony, and Lemon. Listen, I am currently 26 weeks pregnant with my first child. I have been having super weird pregnancy dreams of these shadow monsters stealing my baby. Oh, no. That's frightening. Uh-oh. stealing my baby oh no that's frightening oh i chalked it up to weird extra vivid pregnancy dreams so i'm already freaked and fast forward to today i finally finished my nursery my dog

was scratching at the door for a bit which i thought was weird cue to goose cam about 20 to 25 minutes later i went up to the room i opened the door to take it all in, maybe nest a little. And the rocker is rocking itself. I almost peed, which, as you know, while pregnant is hard to control. No, I would know nothing about that. So it's true. I'm pretty sure Christine has not admitted it, but peed like 10 times while looking me in the eyes over zoom during this pregnancy no comment so pray for me my child is probably sharing a room with a demon I know it might be nothing but now I'm scared to sleep 10 feet away from demon land tonight

my dog won't lie in bed with me and he's pacing back and forth hope this gave you a laugh if you ever read it team milkshake cravings every day of my pregnancy. Previously, Team Tequila. Love from Canada. Oh, hello, Canada babies. A Canadian who loves tequila and can't actually control their bladder, you know, despite the pregnancy, which is always fun. So happy for you. Thank you, Crystal.

Sounds like a lot of things are happening in your life um especially the demon part so you know i just finished the nursery here and i really didn't even think about the fact that there's a rocker in there that was could be moving it never never watched a ghost movie well it's not one of those scary wooden ones so it never occurred to me because it's like like a armchair but now i'm like wait a second that could rock too oh no all it needs it just needs to be a chair and it's just a problem i get like i get and that's coming from someone who loves to sit all the time yeah yeah yeah yeah don't get us wrong the second a baby is involved and a chair is next to it i feel like you're not the only one sitting anymore

yeah because that baby is it's like the baby is too new to this world but it's still bringing some things in that's i think what's the other side they're still connected there's creek some sort of portal still happening there is what i'm convinced and those those things that are attached to the baby that are coming down are like oh look an open chair it's 3 a.m no one's gonna i also like to sit it's like oh no yeah so it's a problem oh yeah anyway good luck crystal and good luck with that i like that your name is crystal hopefully you can do some things with crystals that's right keep anything uh seems like a nice pure uh heavenly name so good luck yeah um well i have an email here it's called black eyed kids during lockdown slash curfew so during lockdown oh my god can you imagine that black eyed kids showing

up to your house at a time when you are in quarantine when you cannot leave the house um no where they were like we know your home because everyone's home i hate it it's kind of like how during covid there was a lot more like roach infestations because everyone was inside and there was more garbage and stuff. And it's almost like not to call black eyed children little roaches because I don't want them to come find me. But maybe they were also aware that there were more people around. There's a little more prevalence. They just have much more access. You know, it's like the odds are higher that someone will answer the door when you get it unfortunately i do um so this is from amanda who uses she her

pronouns thank you amanda and uh it says first of all hey to everyone in the atwwd family i'm currently sitting at my work computer in a completely empty office building looking at the clock it's 3 33 a.m i kid you not and i am the most terrified i think i have ever been in my adult life jeez okay this is like happening as we read i was gonna say like this is like there's a hook to this one my english teacher in seventh grade would really be proud of this one so she's she's like hooked us already she's typing this as it's happening. It's a dear diary entry. Yes. So actually she's at a workplace. So I guess we were already wrong about our being at home.

So good job us. Hey, there we go. There we go. To set the scene, I live in Melbourne, Australia, and we are currently in a hard lockdown with a curfew that starts at 9 p.m. I'm an essential worker and in my job i can drive around in the work car even during curfew hours i've been working night shift for the for nine days straight now nine nights straight now oh my god so i might be a little delirious and it could explain a lot during these night shifts the roads have been empty no one has been walking around even the city of melbourne itself

melbourne itself is eerily quiet i remember that that even when quarantine first started and like if you needed to run out and actually go somewhere you could just like stand in the middle of what was usually a busy intersection and you would just hear nothing. Like a freeway in Los Angeles. It was so creepy. And like I remember driving on the highway and thinking oh my god i could get pulled over for speeding for the first time in my life in los angeles like that's how few people are out oh my god yeah but also like i didn't see any police around either it really felt yeah they were busy i guess apocalyptic is the right word because i do i remember walking down i'm not gonna say where i live but there's a street here that is always busy yeah and there was like not even

birds around it was just like the sound of silence and if you coughed it echoed like i was it was the creepiest experience so okay i totally am in the right mind we're picturing it we're picturing it now because i've caught up on all your episodes i was listening to another podcast i love the caveat of just because i listened to all of them i was like i'm a fan i'm a fan don't worry don't worry don't worry don't worry yeah please don't be 13 oh the podcast is 13 days of halloween i have not listened to that which is super creepy and honestly probably not the best thing to listen to while i drive around by myself uh at night there is one episode of this podcast that is about black-eyed kids and

to say that it scared the absolute shit out of me would be an understatement but as the episode finished and i had goose cam all over, I drove past a kid's playground. Slowly, by the way, because I was doing the speed limit. It's dark. I'm tired and creeped out already. So it really could have been anything. But I'm 99% sure I saw two children standing in the middle of the playground just standing there facing the road as I drove past. I literally screamed and sped off straight back to the office it's lockdown

and curfew and almost 3 a.m no child should be outside at that time okay yeah that's true that's also that's a fair point yeah yeah if if anyone's out it's like the troublesome teenagers like i don't know wreaking havoc wreaking havoc yeah but not not children or like the essential workers like you amanda right yes okay also like not just the troublemakers um okay so now that i've run from the car to my desk i'm sitting here alone jumping at every noise i hear wondering if anyone watches the dash cam footage from the work cars because they will have a good laugh at me screaming and probably think i'm insane oh you should check the dash cam though and see if like that's pretty genius if you can see the plague or is it only like in words i don't know i would say it's outwards hmm i don't know i would like a follow-up i feel like since this was written in real time we never got the we never got the scoop i'm waiting for her to go on the dash oh i hear annoyed and then like yeah yeah

okay stupid uh i had to share this with you because it's probably nothing but at the same time i'm freaked out and thought writing it out would calm my nerves hopefully that's all there is to the story and i won't need to update you on anything happening on my drive home or even when i get home i love listening to you both you're amazing and i can only dream of being able to see your live show one day amanda us too at this point homie like us too would love to see my show i've almost forgotten it yeah we'd love to see our own show remember we had big plans to go to australia someday now we can't even go to like cleveland it was literally being like we were discussing like an international tour and we haven't even finished our second tour and we

haven't even gone to like fucking anyway like i've like there were so many places anywhere in like two years at this point it's mind-blowing everyone's like yeah us too i'm sure you all understand but it is very frustrating because everyone always says oh i wish we could see your tour soon and it's like i promise we aren't doing everything we can i promise we're we want. We're going to make it to Australia someday, I say with such conviction. We'll see. Yeah, right. Now you'll be in tow with a little extra black-eyed kid.

Groupie? If your child is born with black eyes, I'm out of here. Okay, so see, the problem is you're creating a lot of caveats here, like teeth, black eyes. Is there anything you'll accept? If you're Christine Schieffer, if your baby is born with teeth and black eyes, I'm allowed. I think I've earned. I'm pretty sure I'm owed not being judged for not going to be around your baby.

Okay, fine. It would freak me out a little too much. unless this was like a thing where like i'm becoming friends with them early so one day they'll protect me when like other supernatural forces come at us like otherwise i can't think of a reason you know like timon and pumbaa how they became friends with simba so when he grew up to be a big lion he could protect them that's yeah same difference same if your baby has jet black eyes and teeth and is like asking for like ketchup on their apple, I'm only doing the Timon and Pumbaa thing, you know?

Oh my God. Yeah, but you were born to fill that role. So good to know. I was destined for only one very niche thing and it just might come true. You're welcome, by the way. All right, number three here. Also, something really is going on it's i know

you can't hear it but it's the my fucking neighbors upstairs i think it sounds like a like a thunderstorm but like the thunder has not stopped since you began that first story like it's so i'm thinking they're like rolling a chair back and forth over me oh like an office chair type thing i kind of want to throw something at the ceiling and tell them to shut up. Also, one fun thing about coming back after three weeks is I forgot that I ordered myself a bunch of these. Skittles.

Oh, the lime Skittles. The all lime ones that I told you about before I left. I was like, they're coming back. It's a limited edition. I got myself like a 12 pack. I'm already- Holy shit. Look, they said limited edition i got myself like a 12 pack i'm already holy shit look i they said limited edition that always gets me if something is like never gonna happen again i'm like i don't want to find out the hard way that you were regret is a hard thing to live with

especially when it comes to candy yeah okay so this third story is from hannah who uses she her pronouns thank you for normalizing pronouns hannah and the title of the email is ghost dogs and ghost babies. Okay. Very sweet. Very sweet so far. Hello, Eva and Christine, all the fur babies and future human baby. Oh, little flesh baby. Do you, do you hate this?

Do you hate being, it being called a little flesh baby no you've said way worse things already exactly so this ew can be saved for something else i feel like i just have to say it as part of like the script you know yeah yeah uh my name is hannah and since christine will be welcoming a little one soon i thought you might want to hear a story about some crazy things my kiddo has done great so this is like a preparation like a like a 101 guide i love it so this started on halloween 2018 for some backstory my best friend has a dog that is over 10 years or that over 10 years ago passed away but her and her whole family always makes comments about how she can still feel and hear the dog named comet around the house comet is such a cute

name for a dog it is they have not had another dog since nor will they have any dog things in their house we went to uh her neighborhood to go trick-or-treating for halloween and we stopped in her house for pizza my two-year-old casually walked over to the corner of the kitchen pointed and said doggy woof woof oh god my best friend just stared at me and said that was comet's favorite spot oh honey he kept going over to that corner all night and he would sit over there and just say doggy over and over okay that's pretty freaky so my kid was definitely hanging out with a ghost dog all night oh i have goose cam me too how old was the kid um i think it was two yep two year old yeah so they're not old enough to be making up like fake story like they're just saying what they see look that one

is a is a situation where i 100 believe that the child was hanging out with a ghost and if anything i'm just jealous that i couldn't see the dog you know like where yeah i'm like kind of rude that the dog doesn't want to see me when i'm the one that knows what the treats are the dog's probably like god damn it i thought i was like in a good place invisible in my corner now this baby can see me this little little cretin is uh infiltrating my space and also like giving away my hiding spot. Like pointing to all the grownups where I am. Really exposing you, you know. The second time my son saw a ghost was maybe a month or so later. He was, big month for this kid. Big October for, big Halloween month for this baby.

It was, it was Halloween. That makes so much sense that all the spirits would kind of be around. He was having trouble sleeping and his dad was at work late. So I let him come snuggle in my bed. He had been doing this thing lately where he says, am a baby no i'm a big boy so and does that all the time it's so annoying i do you know one day you will just let me have it and you'll just say you know what that's true you i might not a little baby anymore jury's out well i haven't gotten there yet obviously but someday maybe maybe when there's an actual baby nearby we can outgrow this

that conversation okay you're no longer the baby please stop facetiming me while you're that is not gonna change that's never gonna stop uh so i'm laying there half asleep and he starts nudging me and goes mommy mommy baby and i said no you're a big kid still half asleep and then he nudged me again and said, no mommy, look baby girl. And pointed to the wall. I hopped out of bed so fast, turned on the lights and showed him that there was nothing there, but he just kept pointing to the blank wall and said,

mommy, baby girl. That was in 2018. And now in 2021, I have given birth to a baby girl. And I'm wondering if he had some sort of premonition of his baby sister, or maybe i was just maybe just another baby ghost in my house uh thanks for keeping the podcast alive and giving me

something great to listen to while i am up at night with the newborn hannah just well here's the question do you keep the baby like in the wall because it seems like that's your first child saw the baby inside the wall the baby's the your kid only seeing the baby at the wall is a very odd thing it's like was that the baby's favorite spot like bassinet go in there i don't know i mean that's a really good point like was the baby floating on the wall or was it hanging out by like the trim you know right like in the corner floating over the ceiling like they're great question the baby could have been in a lot of places that could have made that story much

creepier because he saw the dog in its corner so he's like i know where the dog goes i know where the baby goes based on that story of the dog your son knows where everyone's favorite places are so maybe your daughter ever ends up climbing up walls or something like you probably put a ladder there you know so maybe don't well also maybe like a pillow or something on the bottom i don't know well i don't know this maybe a ladder there sounds like it's gonna be your baby's favorite spot so just be ready for that okay let's see i have one called the man in my mirror yikes oh the man in the mirror know. I love that song so much. This is from Elena. Oh, well, Elena and Michael Jackson co-wrote that song apparently together.

So. Okay. It says, hello, my spooky friends and Gemini allies. I am dyslexic. So this may be a whirlwind to read, but I have a scary mirror story for you. I am a new listener and Christine requested mirror story. My other favorite topic. Oh my cowboys mirrors creepy babies it's my jam i'm all about it love it and although it was a while back i've always wanted to share this story with you so let's begin this mirror wasn't ancient or handed down generationally my mom bought it at marshall's for my new room in our brand new house well that's not comforting that brand new mirrors can also be fucking portals to hell or whatever yeah again ikea is like i always think it's my friend but they've always got something up their sleeve and you know maybe it's a demon in the mirror maybe it's a meatball who

knows maybe it's a meatball honestly if they have a mirror that's a portal and the demon just hands me a bowl of their meatballs i'd be like hey you can stick around you know how to win me over okay bought it at marshall's for my new room in our brand new house it has a matte black swirly square rim at the time i was eight years old and was always in touch with spirits due to my native american heritage on my mom's side and my dad's supernatural prone family i told my mom right off the bat that the mirror made me uncomfortable and she told me to suck it up oh yeah renata is that you that night i woke up at 3 a.m of course and felt like someone was staring at me i slowly turned my head to the mirror to find a middle-aged man staring at me good night he had brown buzzed hair a clean shaved beard slender face and dark soulless eyes

once he noticed i could see him he grinned a crooked smile and motioned his finger to come closer i quickly wait what he's doing the like come here yuck oh oh gee oh jesus christ sorry blaze just picked you up from daycare and he just burst into the room oh my god he hasn't been home all day geo no that's my muffin stop it oh okay sorry get the fuck away from the muffin that's my lemon poppy seed muffin okay he's gonna make some noises as he rubs his face into the carpet i apologize okay yikes so he did the come closer with his finger oh who could forget who could forget i quickly turned away from him and grabbed my dog for support and waited an hour before the man finally left my mirror okay oh terrible also proud of you for being able to check the clock like to like monitor the time yeah because i feel

i would be panic stricken i would not know what time it is no no i'd be like he was there for 16 hours and i would have been like you that's not possible realistically if i did check the clock i would have been like okay what is my time of death because i'm about to go like i just want to see oh my god uh okay i told my parents about the encounter in the morning but they disregarded my fear telling me it was just a bad dream the man continued to come to my mirror every night and he would slowly become more and more creepy for example he would i'm sorry day one started with this are you kidding like what he set the bar so high already for himself how much higher could it get i'm sorry he has like a very specific standard for himself like what does day two look like what does day 10 look like let me tell you uh for example he would write down my biggest secrets and fear in blood

holy shit okay sorry i'm not laughing because it's funny i'm laughing out of awkwardness what is the alfred hitchcock like that is some fucking crazy shit i'm like gonna cry this is like some red this is just a night terror this can't be real this is horrible okay that can't be real he would write down my biggest secrets and fear in blood next to him and tap on the glass, screaming inaudible screams. Sorry. It got to the point where I refused to sleep in my room unless the mirror was covered. My mom didn't agree to the mirror being covered until a medium told us a man watches over

her daughter in her sleep because he is waiting to take over due to her take over her due to her high sensitivity christine schieffer are you kidding me i don't like this anymore wait a minute so hang on so homeboy is writing her biggest fears which mine would be like fish like it was just writing that in blood and then going and then inaudible screaming so like his mouth is just open in doing this just while killing time until he takes over this sensitive just i guess taking over her body yeah like that's your way in though like is that what this is like i feel like it what like is he doing this until she like he breaks her like yeah like what's the what's me hmm and like maybe and on that day like no on that day was it like it's it still didn't work and so like what

what happened the next day for him to try to like freak her out even more so i wonder if it's one of those things where they say spirits or you know bad spirits can feed off fear like maybe he's just trying to build her fear to the point that like he can get the energy from it. I don't know. Like a really like a really horrid version of Monsters, Inc. You know? Yeah. It's actually really scary how often we reference Monsters, Inc. on the show. But yes, exactly like that.

Yeah. Hey, you know what? It's something to be said for like these things are just trying to scare you. Also, I feel like I've been hearing more about Monsters, Inc. lately. I think that resurfaced in the QAnon world. Is it back in the... Oh, you know what? It did.

You told me about that. Fuck. Anyway. Anyway, that's maybe why it's on the brain. But anyway, this guy's creepy as shit. So let's move on. So what's next? Okay.

So the medium is like, oh, there's a man watching you sleep because he's trying to take over your... Take you over due to your high sensitivity. Even while it was covered, I still knew he was there watching the mirror stayed covered for the next nine years good okay now there's like an enter and it says my sister's baby shower so i don't know if this is the same story are we gonna get a chapter two or if it's a new story i don't know i like how like it could have potentially just ended with like and that mirror stayed covered for the rest of time and it's yeah and it's said nine years so now i'm like is it is this the 10th year like what is this

oh my god okay in september of 2019 all of my dad's sisters came down for my sister's baby shower as we were exchanging ghost stories i told my aunt renee about my mirror okay the mirror's back she immediately believed me finally and forced my dad to help us cleanse the mirror as we headed upstairs with sage in hand we finally uncovered the mirror after a long nine years and a chill instantly entered the room i it's also on my arms right i'm scared it entered my room. I think it entered a hundred people's rooms in this moment. They began to pray and sage the mirror asking the spirit to leave. After they finished, I instantly felt sick and knew there was something wrong.

The spirit had not left the mirror. Can you imagine just like that's still your childhood room or whatever for nine years and it apparently never left. It was just, like, under a sheet this whole time. Just waiting. Waiting. I guess when, like, if you're on another plane, like, nine years realistically. Like, that means nothing.

Right. Like, nine years is, like, nine seconds for that guy. Well, I don't know. He seemed to be in a pretty goddamn hurry earlier when he was writing blood all over the place. Like, he was in a rush. Yeah, he was, like, very frantic with the tapping. Yeah. Screaming tapping yeah screaming i mean damn so he had a nine-year break i guess um my aunt and father could tell i was sick and decided to move the mirror to the basement and continue the cleansing important we held the sage under an open flame for five minutes to ensure that it would stay

lit during the cleansing as we walked down the stairs my dad holding the mirror and my aunt the sage the sage went out as if someone placed their hand over it we played this game of chicken for 20 minutes as my aunt cussed out the demon after the sage relit successfully we placed the mirror in the basement i stood far away from it and watched anxiously pulsing my hands after i realized the man had no control over me i stopped pulsing my hand and instantly the lights in the basement started flickering at the same rate my hand was pulsing i looked over to the mirror and could see a small glimpse of the man darting back and forth i instructed my aunt where to sage and we knew we had finished once the lights stopped flickering he was trying to hide oh god he should have tried that sheet that he hid under for nine years he's put it back i feel like if the first time you ever saw this thing he was already doing like this kind of

movement and then it's like this it's super frantic it's proven that it can move pretty quick so when i hear it's darting like it's like abnormally inhumanly super speed and also he's had nine years to practice his sprints not really he was standing there in a weight the whole time i don't know okay that's true he didn't know he couldn't go anywhere stretch you know yeah that's true no you're totally right he's probably cramped um okay so let's see he was darting back and forth um the light stopped flickering we covered the mirror and headed back upstairs to my aunt colette ushering us outside because excuse me excuse me i don't want to know actually can you just stop eva we're done we don't want to record this episode anymore and quit pause how do i make it stop uh because

they so they ushered them outside because my aunt colette had seen a man rocking in one of the patio chairs outside no after i stood outside i felt a hand on my neck and instantly felt sick again we contacted my aunt's medium and she said we improperly cleansed the mirror which allowed the spirit to be free so now the demon that was stuck in a mirror can now follow me wherever i go fuck me well if that isn't some jumanji sequel bullshit 100 just the monsters are out on the town it's like when the movie ends and then like in the corner you see a glimpse of it of the the enemy and you're like oh my god he's not really gone there's gonna be a part two that's awful that's awful that's awful i'm sorry this story was so long and had no happy ending but that's why i drink milkshakes of course i'm underage thanks for listening p.s i may have to

write it again to tell you about my guardian angel well thank god you have one of those oh shit i hope you have like a whole troop of those you need an army uh my guardian angel my ghost friend as a child or my dreams that might just be me astral projecting into different realities uh and that's from elena um elena why did you do this i'm scared okay are you good like i'm scared just to say like oh like also i'm a minor it's like you have so much life left to live in this kind of fear and also like yeah oh there's no happy ending it also can follow me wherever at once that feels like the end of like a final destination movie where it's like oh we survived death this long and then like all of a sudden like you're in a new trap and it's

like not anymore right not to completely terrify you elena but like i it freaks me out the like you it was only in one space and now like i personally would be freaked out like oh now i'm gonna like go to college and it's in my room in a mirror there or like it's yeah in the mirrors you can't cover up because they're attached to the wall luckily we're like i feel like as like spiritual i don't know what the right word is but like there's like the community is getting bigger and bigger for people to be able to help you like hopefully like this can just get nipped in the bud actually you're allowed to talk about it a little more now yeah hopefully it like you become roommates with a witch one day or something and you and they're able to just go goodbye and it just never that's how witches do

things by the way that's how em does it i like to think that's like it's like it can only be that easy just kiss it on the cheek just just one one last time okay but here's the thing if the medium knows that you did this wrong can't the medium do it right can't be like you help me you i wonder because usually i know there are mediums out there who can only see things but don't actually know the skill set versus like just like how there's a lot of uh not just witches but i'm using that as like a blanket statement but there's people out there who practice but they can't actually see anything they just kind of like i would imagine like kind of like how you are all so you're like your crystals and manifesting but you don't get to actually see anything you know yeah right i get what i totally get what you're

saying uh well you really need to find like a i don't know well this medium has a lot of you need to find zach bagans and then let us know where he is he's in las vegas but like you should go there oh my god i don't know i i just don't give up like i don't give up on like, well, now you can follow me everywhere at the end. I feel like someone will be able to help you. Yeah, no, things are gonna get better at some point. I just feel bad. You're too young to live the rest of your life this way. I do think that it's kind of rude of Zach Bagans that like for all the services he offers

people in terms of like his museum, his TV show, he's got like 10 TV shows. He's like, there's not even competition for what he's got he's got like 10 tv shows he's like he's there's not even competition for what he's capable of doing in the spirit world how come he has yet to provide us a business opportunity or a business idea where he helps people who are like haunted or followed by this thing is he has a medium where he's like oh you're doing it all wrong and also it's super haunted but i can't do anything about it bye like like i guess he where he's like oh you're doing it all wrong and also it's super haunted but i can't do anything about it bye like like i guess he's he's technically doing it with ghost avengers by going into place because that's why he likes to get angry that's his whole reason he's

like i get angry with the ghosts that are bothering people but then it's like okay you also piss them off and walk away and now the family has to deal with an angrier version exactly like where's your ghostbuster canister that's gonna like catch everything you know like that's what zach bagans needs to figure out next zach are you listening yeah because i feel like the good news is he could take it home and then profit off put it in his museum and then make more money off of it look this is only a cash cow for you zach you just gotta take their ghost you just gotta pay us 10 for this idea gotta pay us 10% for this idea. I'll take 5. Oh, I'll take 10.

Okay, well, I just think if that existed, if that service existed, our friend here would be like, oh, I'm first in line. Honestly, I would send them right over there. We'd be the biggest referral program. Look, I mean, we would definitely be a...

Is there like an affiliate fee like do we get an affiliate like a finder's fee i think we would at least give like a discount code why do i want so much money from zach i think because i don't know why but like i'm not against it i'm still trying to help that happen for us um okay so this next email is called oh this is it should be called childhood trauma but what it is titled is my dad convinced me i murdered the tooth fairy what um and this is from indeed that look that would be the first thing i talked to my therapist about when i got older um so this is from sophia and sophia says hello to all born and unborn members of and that's why we drink incorporated i very kind

really appreciate the gamut you're offering i do too you never know my you never know my name is sophia who uses sheer pronouns thank you for normalizing pronouns sophia and i'm a huge fan of your podcast when m did their story this month about the tooth fairy and what other cultures myths are i knew i had to share my story so here it goes when my sister and i were kids the debate over which magical being took my sister's teeth in the night was always cause for confusion and here's why my dad is from mexico city where you know, kids are told that there's a little mouse or rat named El Raton Perez. I was hoping this fellow would show up. I always hope this fellow shows up.

Maybe not in my room, but in my stories, definitely. Not in your vents or your room. Not in my mouth or wherever he lives. And he trades your teeth for pesos and leaves it under your pillow. and he trades your teeth for pesos and leaves it under your pillow. My mom, however, who was born and raised in the U.S., told us the tooth fairy was the one who took our teeth and left money under the pillow in exchange. By the time my sister and I were starting to lose our teeth,

we were very confused. Was it the tooth fairy or the tooth rat who came to visit us? One day during lunch at school, I bit into a cracker, and I could feel one of my molars coming loose and i knew instantly it was time for my sister and i to get to the bottom of the great mouse fairy debate i'm sorry um sophia i think it's time you write a children's book because yeah i was gonna say this is definitely a book in the making i just think of like a fairy and a rat like duking it out um as soon as we got home my sister

and i presented our arguments to each other over who we thought it was so they're literally placing bets uh my sister argued that it was the tooth fairy because we were born and currently live in the u.s and this country was her territory uh it's a future diplomat right there and a fair argument too plus it wouldn't make sense for the mouse to come all the way to California just to leave us pesos that aren't even valid in the country. Okay, listen, she's got a head on her shoulders. She's like, the currency rate, the exchange, it doesn't make sense. I argued that it was the mouse because we have citizenship in Mexico and go to to go to visit the family every christmas so the mouse must know who we are precious this really is so cute this is like i wish like the

ultimate siblings argument i wish i could have watched two little children like i could have been the teacher that overheard this at a cafeteria table you know oh so sweet so we're also both fluent spanish speakers so our teeth had come into contact with Spanish just as much as English. Okay, that's also genius. That's so fucking smart. Like nothing you either of you have said is something I would dismiss. I'd be like, those are both really valid arguments. Like you win debate.

Both of you win the debate. I don't know. If I were the parents and I did overhear that conversation, though, I'd be like, what the fuck are we going to do? Like, do we dress up as a rat with wings and a wand at this point and just like make it a combo deal? When it came to other holidays like Christmas, we usually got presents from Santa and the Three Kings, which is Latin America's version of Santa Claus, as in the three kings that came to visit Jesus after he was born. So we believe there was a possibility that both the mouse and the tooth fairy would come that makes sense um we came up with a plan to leave a sticky note on my nightstand that simply said hi please check the box below which whether you are a fairy or a mouse that is so precious and we also wrote the spanish

translation because we weren't sure if the mouse was bilingual or not oh my god this is the cutest story that's ever been sent a little child sophia this is such a cute story you're an angel and i honestly like i have no idea where this is going either and it's finally there once not spooky loving it okay when my dad got home from work we told him about our debate and asked him which one he thought would come he said he wasn't sure and that we just have to wait and find it in the morning aka that is apparent being like i have to really problem solve creatively now like i will find out in the morning so you'll find out in the morning because i'll figure it out tonight when i'm frantically troubleshooting this crisis he said uh he wasn't sure we found it in the morning my tooth eventually came out later that night so i

put it under the pillow and went to sleep when i woke up in the morning i was shocked to find pesos and a five dollar bill under my pillow hell yeah five dollar bill damn hey well isn't what was the average it was three to five dollars oh it was like higher than i thought something like that i immediately checked my bedside table and found that neither of the boxes had been checked. My stomach would, I would have been crushed. Oh, pissed. I turned the note over and found something written by the mouse that said, Sophia, I just wanted to thank you for the fairy good dinner last night.

The glitter was a tasty seasoning. I had a nice full belly on my way back to mexico holy shit dad what have you done that's the most dad way to fucking fix a problem is like we'll just kill one of them also ruin your life dad what have you done imagine being like six years old and that's the no you get it sofia i just wanted to thank you or maybe i should say in like an evil rat voice i just wanted to thank you for the very good dinner last night the glitter was a tasty seasoning i had a nice little belly on my way back to mexico i don't know i don't know i don't like how good your rat voice is i wanted it to sound like a like a little evil but also that means so of the two tooth fairy slash two tooth rats one is dead and one is evil like now that's now you just never

want to lose any of your fucking teeth to lose loose yeah yeah it's like the only one alive now is a murderer like hang on a second who you invited into your bedroom it's all bad i was confused at first but quickly realized what the note had implied el raton perez uh had eaten the tooth fairy and it was my fault and in my eight-year-old mind i had managed to ruin it for every single kid in america oh sweetheart oh no i had managed to ruin it for every single kid in america i mean, truly, like now nobody gets the tooth fairy. It's like killing Santa Claus. Yeah.

Like now what? Oh, poor baby. In hindsight, I should have known that note was written by my dad because of the obvious dad joke. Even worse, my dad tells bilingual dad jokes, which, by the way, I would like a list of. Thank you, Sophia. So does mine, by the way. It's not great. So when he says them in public public no one gets them unless you

speak spanish and english yeah regardless i was convinced that if i hadn't questioned who was bringing me money the tooth fairy would still be alive my hispanic upbringing told me that i should have just shut up and been grateful to have gotten any money at all my dad thought the whole thing was hilarious and my sister ran in the room and was furious that i had let this happen even though we came up with the plan together it was somehow 100 my fault well yeah like it's like your your sister just killed the tooth fairy obviously yeah obviously for the rest of my teeth losing for the rest of the teeth losing part of my life i received american money instead of pesos interesting since it would have been only pesos then right yeah i should i would have noticed a problem from there on out i don't think i would have i would have been like cool three dollars and then yeah paid ascension when

i asked my dad why this was he told me that the mouse had probably gone to the same currency exchange booth that we had always gone to in the airport that's great as for why he just flies on in as for why other kids are still receiving money for the tooth fairy from the tooth fairy my dad promptly explained that the tooth fairy was continuing her duties as a ghost so he literally is sticking to this fucking story after he realized he made you cry about he realized and also like you're calling him out on all the all the plot holes and he is like i have to make this work so he's now i have to make it even more convincing that the tooth fairy is dead it's reaching uh now that i think about it i think that may have been what sparked my interest in ghosts in the paranormal thanks again for everything that you

do and i hope you enjoyed my story from sophia p.s christine please don't feel the need to apologize for reading horrible true crime stories. We live for that shit. And if anyone should be sorry, it's the perpetrators of those crimes and maybe Kremit. I don't know why,

but I feel they have something to do with it. Also, let's tack on El Raton Perez. Wait, did you say that or did she say that? I said that part. Oh, okay, good.

It sounds like he is definitely a perpetrator after this story. I'm also going to blame Sophia's dad. I feel like Sophia's dad has created a lot of problems here. Sophia's dad sounds like he is definitely a perpetrator. I'm also going to blame Sophia's dad. I feel like Sophia's dad has created a lot of problems. Sophia's dad sounds like he's a, he's a loose cannon.

And I, I think I'm okay with it, but I'm not sure yet. Yeah. I respect it from afar, but I'm scared of what he could do. Like, I don't know if I would leave my child with him at such a vulnerable stage of

life, but you know, God, it's a genius. Anyway. Thank you, Sophia. What a great story. I hope you guys talk about that every Thanksgiving. I like how it's Thanksgiving

that like the tooth fairy would get mentioned. I don't know. I feel like it's such a like blame your family members for your trauma holiday, you know? No, it's definitely a time when everyone's gathering to give thanks and really we should be like giving insults like of like, hey dad, fuck you.

Because like. The wine is flowing. You know. The therapy is strong. My bills are high. You owe me. And it's not. I'm not going to pay it through the tooth fairy money.

So. Yeah. I only got five pesos. It's not going to help me with my therapy bill. Okay. Let's see. I have. I think this is our last story.

It is. This is from. Oopsies. Let's see. Uh-oh. I see bagel think this is our last story. It is. This is from, oopsies. Let's see. Uh-oh, I see Bagel Bites in the subject. Oh my God. This says Bagel Bites' mom tried to set him up with my boss. Shut the fuck up. Excusez-moi.

Pardonnez-moi. This is from Jordan. She, her. Thank you, Jordan. It says, let's crack into it. Okay. It'll be better i work at a nothing bunt cakes franchise okay you mean where christine got her wedding cake hold on this is a great start and also the fact that zach is not dating your boss at who works i presume at the nothing bunt cakes he made a mistake i mean that think of the cake

ghost crossovers you can have the access yeah you're kidding me the crossovers i work in a nothing bunt cakes franchise owned by a wonderful woman named holly madison wait hang on shut up i don't know oh wait a minute but can't let's assume no but i am interested in where this is gonna go i'm getting ahead of myself uh owned by a wonderful woman named holly a few weeks ago all of the nbc franchise owners and managers had a conference in vegas and holly's sister tagged along they tried to go to the zach bagans museum when they had a free day but all the tours were full holly had promised to get one of our friends and fan of the pod hey audra hey audra hey girl a t-shirt from the museum so she asked to just go to the gift shop and they let them in.

Of course Zach was like, yeah, you can buy shit from the gift shop. Uh-huh, yeah. Because it was between tour groups, she and her sister were the only ones in the shop other than one older woman and the employees. Holly and her sister were messing around looking at shirts, having a good time. The older woman and Holly started talking and were vibing pretty well. Then she askedlly if she was single because she was so pretty and funny and she was sure her son would love her shut the fuck up

oh my god holly is happily married so she politely declined and the older woman seemed disappointed holly and her sister bought the shirt and left while they were in the parking lot zach bagans himself walks out of the museum with a group he then turns and hugs someone and says bye mom love you loud enough for holly and her sister to hear they obviously are spying on the exchange and they realized that zach was hugging the woman from the gift shop oh my god holly turned down a blind date with zach bagans as i said she's happily married and has a kid so no regrets well a little i would have at least one big regret little regret yeah from me i'm saying that not holly uh holly turned down a blind date blah blah she has a kid so no regrets but you bet your asses she told the story of how she was hit on by zach bagan's mom to everyone in the

bakery at least twice oh my god yeah love y'all jordan that is a story to talk scratch the thanksgiving blame game this is the new thanksgiving story that's the story where again you don't really give thanks you're just like you give like it's just like a wonder like a wondering of what ifs you know what if so how so wait jordan how spectacular must your like first impression be for someone to be like you must date my son you know great question like i need that x factor what was the charm the i wonder if it was as you brought zach and holly number one had just broken up maybe and he was like brokenhearted and his mom was like on the lookout maybe i don't know i mean apparently you are like smoking hot i mean i feel like i don't i don't personally know

zach bagans obviously but i can kind of guess what his type is. And for his mom to be like, oh, you are... Okay. Right? I thought that's what you were going to say. Yeah. Married and pregnant and like, yeah, you know.

Hey, Holly was that too. Big old head. Sweaty as hell. Listen, nobody said anything about Holly's sweat glands. That's true. I'm just saying we don't know that about her you're right you you and christine and holly madison are all the same bombshell level of like just smoking hot but like i wonder i wonder like his mom knows his type like

i know it's kind of weird and say but like your mom kind of like if you guys are close yeah she looked at you and went wow you like are similar to a like he would like you congratulations yeah well holly well holly yeah oh yeah yeah yeah but i mean jordan you two are probably also playboy model i jordan i'm sorry that holly was getting picked and not you though jordan wasn't there jordan works at the bakery i know but can you imagine if you got to like i don't know i don't know ems lost the plot okay i've lost the plot because i got overwhelmed holly and her sister were there and then holly came back to the bakery and told the story a million times i'm there i'm there yeah yeah yeah yeah uh i you know hmm, what would your first, I'm talking to you, Christine.

Oh, okay. What would your first, I don't know, if Zach Bagan's mom was going to notice something about you that was like, you must meet my son. What quality of yours do you think would be the one that really suckered her in? That's a great question. Probably my... I totally put you on the spot there. My beautiful figure and my perfect sense of humor and also my gorgeous hair and also how well I do my makeup and also like how smart I am. Is that good enough?

I'm just kidding. I don't know if you were just if you were joking or not, but I you giving yourself a daily affirmation in the meet and well i think of the most obnoxious thing to say about oneself i feel like honestly i think it would be your style i think it would be your clothes my style yeah like as i wear this xxl fallout boy t-shirt well no i'm thinking of like you on like your best day with like your vegan pink doc martens and your ripped black jeans and your band shirts i feel like that's a very zach bagans thing okay okay oh i like that yeah yeah yeah yeah and also if you said you like ghosts like that's kind of a perfect fit too also you've got the witty banter but like god you're so much nicer to me than i am

to myself that's so fine because i was thinking like first like my first thought was like if someone if if the mom was gonna see someone and be like you remind me of my son it must have been because um the girl was saying like hello my name is like like my first thought was like that has to be it has to be something that obvious. Did Holly rip her shirt off and yell at the wall? Do you like my tattoos? Anyway, what a story. I still wish, I still wish I found out whatever happened on Tea Time Tuesday.

Someone told me that they, they knew someone who gave Zach Bagans a blowjob. I don't want to know. It's just like ruining my perfect image. It's like a morbid curiosity. And I, and I, I'm just, curiosity. And I just want the full details. It's like TMI. I mean, you tell Em.

It's ruining my whole crush thing. I don't want to know about that. If you're listening, please write back into Tea Time Tuesday. That's all I'm going to say. Eva's probably just deleted that email. They probably have. And Eva's probably deleted the email over and over again. Eva's like, you don't need to know this.

For my sake. Well, thank you for everyone who wrote in stories uh that really was quite a mixed bag this week or this i love it but i'm kind of into it and i feel like halloween is going to be since october is coming up for the next one i feel like we're going to get some real creepy stuff so um i was i was pretty stoked about this sometimes i like when we do themes but i also like when we don't do themes because then I really have no idea what's going to happen. I know. It is fun.

I like a mixed bag, too. So thanks for the mirror story and a ZB story. All good. All good stuff. All good. Well, if you have a story about sack things, please write it. Just because I can't control myself and the curiosity department. Yeah, well, OK.

You're right. Next month is Halloween month. So send in your creepiest shit, I you know creepy creepy yeah i'm sure that's like a given and people always want to send in their creepy stuff i don't know you're asking for zb shit i'm asking for for some ghosts and murder here i'll take anything i'm just happy to be here uh i'm just here for the ride um if you haven't yet please if you are a fan of lime, go get your limited edition Skittles bag. If you're a fan of lemon, then I appreciate you, as always. You're a fan of lemon, write into Skittles

and then ask if they can do an all lemons bag. And that's it. I don't know this for, as far as we know, this might be the last listener stories we do where you don't have a little baby on your head. I don't know. We should probably record this moment soon just probably we'll probably do it just in case but uh this is the

last one where people will be listening and maybe there's could be maybe here maybe there's not well the next one comes out on my due date so who knows up in the air 50 50 so fun all right well see you then see you on christ Christine's due date. We'll all know for sure by then what's crack-a-lackin' in Christine's life. We'll find out. And that's why we drink. Bye.