Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Black Women feat. Amin Elhassan & Van Lathan
Episode Date: January 28, 2020This week Andrew and Akaash are joined by Van Lathan and Amin Elhassan and they discuss: fixing hairlines, bailing out barbers, changing Kanye's life, Jesus being black, beating your meat till it's de...ad, baseball is the cheating sport, and much more. INDULGE!!! Want an extra episode a week? Become a Patron! www.Patreon.com/FLAGRANT2
Transcript
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What's up, everybody? Shultzy here. Now, before we start the episode, I just wanted to address what's obviously running through everybody's mind, which is the tragic death of Kobe Bryant and his daughter Gigi and the other people in that helicopter.
The episode you're about to hear was recorded last week, so it was recorded before the tragic events transpired. Obviously, we had no clue, so it's not addressed. I just want to give a little message here in the beginning of the episode.
So you guys know that we're thinking about it and that we will address it on the Patreon episode coming up.
And the next episode after that, we'll make sure that we grieve Kobe together as the asshole army will always do.
Yeah, it's just a constant reminder, man. Death is a constant reminder of the most valuable things in life. And one of the things that I took away
from it is that with sports, especially with athletes, you can hate an athlete irrationally,
right? You can hate an athlete just because he plays in a different city than the one that you're from or the one you live in. And oftentimes that hate interrupts your ability
to appreciate their greatness, you know? And, um, I just, I just, I refuse to let hate interrupt
my ability to appreciate someone's greatness. And whether that's in sports or podcasting or comedy,
I don't care.
I'm not going to let rivalry or competition
stop me from appreciating how great people are
in this very short and not promised time
we have on this earth.
So we love y'all.
Thank y'all so much for riding with us.
We're definitely going to talk about Kobe and share Kobe stories and have a great time reminiscing on that. But, um, for now, enjoy this episode. We have two of my favorite people on Amin El-Hassan from ESPN and Van Latham, Van Latham, formerly at TMZ and about to go on to do great things. And, um, yeah, man, just enjoy the laughs. enjoy these laughs because right now we all need them
peace
what up everybody before we start i just want to let you know that this episode is brought to you
by none other than radix remedies akash's favorite CBD company.
Real talk.
I put it together.
Akash got weed-tuned.
Hashtag weed-tuned.
That's got to be the hashtag.
But if y'all want to go get the best CBD out on the market,
go out there and get that right now.
All right?
It is Radix Remedies is the cbd company of the
asshole army you go to radix remedies it's r-a-d-i-x remedies.com slash flagrant uh use our
promo code flagrant and um you know that you get in all the discounts you enter your email you could
get an ounce of cbd a week for free for a year. That's right. Go there, sign up to the newsletter,
make sure you get that discount that's only applied to the asshole army, okay? You go to
that website right now and you get that quality CBD. You got some back pain, get that CBD. It's
not just joints that they smoke, which happened to be my favorite because you get that nice,
casual, cool, comfortable environment, but you get it all, okay? And then make sure you share it with your friends,
and tell them it's CBD, and then when they get high, laugh in their face like Kaz did.
Now, let's start the show.
Bailed my barber out of jail.
You bailed him out of jail?
Bailed him out of jail.
That's a good barber, man.
I can't risk it out there.
I had to. I actually had to make the decision on the spot. I get a weird DM. A DM.
My man hit you on the DM.
He didn't hit me on the DM. His girl
hit me on the DM. I get
a weird DM like, yo, Trey Cuts
is in jail. I'm like, for real?
He's like, yo, we trying to figure out to come up
with his bail. What's his name? Trey Cuts.
Shout out to Trey Cuts. Now my first
thing was to be like, yo,
I am not about
to spend no money
to get this nigga
out of jail.
No fucking way.
Then you looked in the mirror.
I looked in the mirror.
Yeah!
And I bet you
that girl waited too.
By the way,
I looked in the mirror
and I was like,
fuck.
Now, we need a free Trey.
All right, man.
What's the cash app?
And so I put it on
the fucking cash app
and he told me the whole story.
This is a true story about what had happened and all of this shit like that but his
life is so spicy that while he's cutting me he's got new really awful shit to tell me every week
and it's just part of the thing he's like your tmz a little bit same thing by the way he comes
to my house to do the haircut because he can't stay in a barber he is the best barber
in the world so he's a house call barber or you specifically wasn't a house call barber i followed
him to each shop that he's been wow oh because yeah yeah he was at like seriously he used to be
on he was when i met him years ago like i was fat man Like, I met him years ago. He was on Pico.
Pico.
Right.
Fairfax.
Fairfax.
Yeah, right there.
La Brea.
Then, like, La Brea.
Back to Fairfax.
And then, yo, bro, I got to come cut you at the crib.
Out.
We together, though.
Wow.
Wasn't that by the Roscos?
Which one?
Oh, right up the street.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You working by Roscos.
You allowed me to get us in trouble.
I'm blown away.
That's a real story.
Does he owe you free cuts for bailouts?
Yo, yo, yo.
This is a perfect example.
He worked off the bailouts.
This is a perfect example.
He worked them off.
First of all, I love that.
I had a cleaning lady that worked off sending her kid to camp.
I gave her $1,000 to send her kid to camp. I gave her $1,000
to send her kid to camp.
And I think she assumed
since I was on TV
it was just going
to send her kid to camp.
Yeah, I feel like you ain't
shit for that.
I feel like that's what you do
when you bail somebody out.
When you send a kid to camp,
you're not like,
all right, bitch.
How old's your kid?
Your kid was 20.
He's got the payments.
Right, the next time
you come to Cleveland,
you're like, nah, bitch,
that was free.
Not free
I already paid for it
I paid for it
Yeah
We don't want to include
The tip as
Say what
Wait hold on
You're blowing my mind
If you tip your cleaning lady
I tip my cleaning lady
Why
That's the job
To clean it good
Nah everybody tips
A cleaning lady
Nobody tips a cleaning lady
I have one
I don't think that
You know what's crazy
Cleaning lady is not
That expensive in New York No no what's crazy Everything else Is's crazy it's so different on the west coast my cheapest friend
and you tip the least but you tip your cleaning lady tip the cleaning lady but why wait the job
is to clean in general but like this is the one which is up in my toilet i don't give a fuck about
a waiter yo bring me food i'm gonna pay you after I eat because you didn't spit in my shit.
Suck my dick.
Cleaning lady, up in my toilets, up in the tub.
You take a little extra.
The difference is that the cleaning lady makes an actual living wage,
whereas the waiter doesn't.
So the cleaning lady could actually live without the tips.
Why do you know she makes a living wage?
The way I pay, you go to camp.
No, you go to camp and be on my wage. No, you go to camp. No, you go to camp.
It'd be on my wage.
No, you go to camp.
Well, somebody went to camp.
You need extra payment to go to camp.
Somebody went.
She came asking for a rack.
What am I supposed to do?
Say, here it is?
What kind of camp costs $1,000?
First of all, he said the kid's 20 years old.
The kid's 20.
Oh, the camp was in Peru.
He took that money to flip it.
He's flipping it.
Like, what?
Like, it's $1,000 for a camp. $1,000.
He came in next week with a fucking fur coat on.
A fur coat on.
Like, hey, what happened to my $1,000?
I'm trying to think of what Spanish word sounds like camp that she probably asked for.
Well, you just did.
I just assumed it was camp.
But yeah, I can't imagine that you of all people are...
How much do you tip her?
Like 10 bucks.
How much do you pay for it?
So if she cleans the whole spot,
her and her one other lady is 90,
so I just give them 100.
That's not...
I mean, come on.
All right, I pay 100.
I just don't understand why you think it's deserved.
The job is to clean it good.
That's what they're getting paid to do.
But you could make the same argument about a barber.
Nah.
I'll be honest with you.
You can make that argument about a barber.
You're right.
You're 100% right.
And I feel like you tip the barber
so that not you get a good haircut,
so you get preferential time treatment.
There you go.
That's why.
You tip the barber because I need to be in and out.
I tip my barber because,
hey man, last minute, I got to fly out. Let's see your haircut to see how why. You tip the barber because I need to be in and out. I tip my barber because, hey, man, last minute.
I got to fly out.
Let's see your haircut to see how much you should tip your barber.
You know why?
Because you got a hat on.
I came in here looking like you shit a lot of confidence in your haircut.
You talk about your haircut.
Let's see it.
First of all.
You got a hat like you got Larry David hair.
I've been growing my hair out.
I've been growing my hair out.
But I haven't put the product and all that stuff in
it's not that bad
I know man
nah you look alright
I've never been more
disappointed in you
like you thought
from the way you just
blew that whole thing up
when you look kinda suave
no no no
don't go there
don't go there
you look a little
it's like
I haven't put the product
in it today because
what is the product
more hair
genuinely
more like genuinely thinning hair
you look like scotty pippa with diabetes
i love how diabetes just made you lose your hair
some people lose fingers some people lose a fucking leg. You actually got the good diabetes.
You got the hair one?
What? People lose their business.
I don't know, man.
I lose hair.
That's a win.
You lose a finger, but you got a strong hairline.
I kind of feel like you won that.
Of course you won.
You're not on finasteride?
What's up?
You're not on finasteride?
You're not on Propecia?
Like me?
No, man.
You know what?
First of all, I use only natural products.
You're getting too Sudanese now, man. What's your hair we talking about, bro?
Don't cut that African shit out rubbing shea butter in your fucking scalp or whatever you
do.
I mean, it's not shea butter, but yeah, it's kind of shit.
What is it?
I don't know.
My mom makes it.
She makes this unction or whatever.
Scamming the shit out of you.
It's got stuff.
Hit it.
Hit it.
Hit it.
You know what you gotta say, Al?
Say that shit with your chest, Al.
He looked at you, he said-
Sit back there with a fucking thousand dollar hairline. Say Al, say that shit with your chest out. He looked at you, he said.
Sit back there with a fucking thousand dollar hairline.
That's not fair right there. His hairline is so fucking strong.
And looking at you, like judging you, bro.
You know what?
You almost got the same haircut.
He's what you could be.
But here's the thing.
Two things.
One is.
Tell us two things.
Because I'm looking at this yarmulke on your head.
You know what?
Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.
I'll put it back on.
You gotta put it back on.
When I get the product on it, it looks better.
It looks better when I got the product.
I'm not going to front.
On TV, it looks hard.
I'm telling you.
It looks good.
It looks hard.
It looks good on TV.
You didn't know that we had AGD here.
You didn't know we were on 4K.
Bro, this is 4K. You guys shamed me into taking my hat off. You didn't know we were on 4K. Bro, this is 4K.
You guys shamed me into taking my hat off.
You know how in the fall-
But people like him, by the way.
Fuck you, man.
I didn't say nothing.
That was our cut.
You know what's funny?
I noticed.
All I did was notice.
You noticed, yeah.
I see people like you every day.
And y'all walk around with your head held high and stuff.
I hate y'all from afar, man.
When I don't have my product in, I put a hat.
You, Jason Tatum.
Jason Tatum.
Rod Strickland. I hate
all of y'all, man. Shout out to Rod Strickland. How often
do you see Rod Strickland? I see him all the time, man.
Why? Is he doing Rod Strickland all the time?
First of all, let me introduce our illustrious guests. I hope we've already
been recording. Have we? Okay, good.
We have in the building
two of really my favorite people in
entertainment two people that i have both loving uh supportive conversations with and downright
dirty debates like literally about every facet of life uh we have van lathan and amin el hassan
um obviously you know Van from TMZ.
He's no longer at TMZ.
And I don't know if you've noticed a difference of TMZ,
but they just tweeted out the N-word.
Did you see that?
Did see that.
People say you did that.
You hacked the Twitter and did it.
That's what they said.
I did not do that.
They said that.
But people then mentioned me along with the tweet like,
TMZ, Harvey Levin, Van Lathan
what's going on and I'm like don't put my name in this shit
that's the Jamel thing
that's Jamel Hill's thing anytime something bad happens
at ESPN people tag her
she's like I don't work there anymore
it used to be an occupational hazard like you
accepted it like I gotta do a little work
but now fuck it I'm not there
well we also have Amin here from ESPN
all things espn
you see them frequently on the jump uh the dan lebitard show they're polar opposite twitter
follows i'll tell you that shit right now why why did you say that i'm being ready to eviscerate
everybody fuck you smart ass comment here not anymore quote tweeting with some shit about
fucking inequality.
That should be killing me, y'all.
That should be killing me.
Our gosh was having his moment here, this nice little immigrant rant,
and then I saw Ben
chime in. I was like, oh, our gosh don't
even know he's in the motherfucker.
But wait, it wasn't about
the immigrant rant.
The immigrant rant is something that I can't even relate to.
I don't even...
The immigrant rant is actually what the fuck I love.
That's Akash talking to people that...
Look like me.
That look like him and have a similar experience.
I can have no opinion on that.
I don't know.
You had one on Twitter.
No, no, no.
It wasn't on that.
It wasn't on that. Because that got posted and I had no... I was No, no, no, no. It wasn't on that. It wasn't on that.
Because that got posted, and I had no idea.
I was like, look at this.
It was like you came back, and I think the tweet was.
Here we go.
He's telling Elmer Fudd.
No, I mean.
We hear you.
No, we hear you.
The tweet.
Who's the chicken?
It wasn't the immigrant people
no the tweet was
I thought it was
I did
what was it
no it was
it was something about like
I think it was when you said the n-word for TMZ
I think you were so pissed off
it was he said
white people
people are ready
To become white people
Or something like that
I didn't
I really didn't even
Yeah I think
I don't know if I even
Said it right
I was just
Yeah I didn't even
Understand
And all I did was
Put question marks
And then you know what happened
He quote tweeted question marks
My man you can't hit me
You like a little quote tweet
So my man
You quote tweeted
So I was like
Alright
I guess it's a thing
But I just talked to Van directly So I say something back to Van Van quote to us. I was like, all right, I guess it's a thing, but I just talked to Van directly.
So I say something back to Van.
Van quote tweets my shit.
I'm like, son, we talking, you and me.
See, Van, you got to observe the etiquette, man.
What?
What's the etiquette?
What's the etiquette?
What's the etiquette?
What's the etiquette?
What's the etiquette?
That's the etiquette.
Ain't it funny how people who shit on white people
are the most willing to emulate them?
And I quote tweeted and it put the fucking question mark.
I want to know what you mean by that.
Look at the response.
Too bad, Nathan.
Ain't no quote.
Right.
I never do that, though.
I always quote to it.
Read Akash's response.
So Akash's response was,
why the fuck would I have
the same mentality
as white colonizers
if they were the personification
of evil,
which I think is harsh?
Why would I look at them
as a standard for anything?
Somebody said something
about like
white people,
white colonizers never treated you
the way you're treating them
or some shit like that.
Yo.
And I was like,
my point was,
why would you want to be like
white colonizers?
That original deal,
I didn't understand.
And so,
we went back and forth.
But what happened was,
as we started to talk,
it just became a regular conversation.
Right, right.
The point is,
man,
there is an etiquette
to Twitter conversations.
Which is what?
When you quote tweet, there is a subliminal message you're sending out.
I'm going to throw this ignorance out there for everybody to come fucking feast on your ass.
As opposed to a one-on-one conversation you would just reply because if the people aren't following the both of y'all, they won't really see that in their timelines.
Okay.
See, now you wish you didn't make fun of his hairline.
Nah, to me.
The secondary point is, when you start talking about big words, big words, inequality, I was like, I don't know what's going on anymore.
You won.
There's no winner.
That's a cheat code you have in arguments.
No, there's no winner.
It's just like systematic something, something.
I'm like, I can't do it.
My head hurts.
There's no winner.
Like, what I was trying to see.
I'm that overwhelmed by the people.
I was trying to seek an understanding of what you meant, and I got it.
So to me, that is not the plan.
To be fair, you guys did come together towards it. So to me that is not the way
To be fair you guys did come together towards it.
Absolutely. Yeah.
We just busted your balls.
Yeah. Nobody was actually mad.
So I was just trying to understand. The more interesting thing about the conversation to me was
You know you going through it when you see a bunch of replies from fat bitches. That's how you know
Van quote tweeted you bro. Fat bitches is coming after you.
Why? What?
Because the question marks bro. They're like five question marks. It's not just a cheddar baked biscuit to bro fat bitches is coming after you cause the question marks bro they're like
five question marks
I just said the cheddar baked biscuit to these fat bitches
it's who did it
I just didn't get it
I wanted to understand it
and then I did
man you now have a following that's the problem
you don't belong to yourself anymore
you belong as a symbol
you're the only man to stand up to Kanye
you're the symbol
tell a story about when you snuffed Kanye belong to yourself anymore. You belong as a symbol. Son, you're the only man to stand up to Kanye. You're the symbol.
Tell a story about when you snuffed Kanye afterwards
and they cut it. Oh, when I punched him in his shit?
Yeah, when you bust his whole shit.
What you trying to do?
I thought we were making things up.
That's what we were doing.
For the record, y'all, this is Patreon, so this is only for our patrons, so get wild.
Just say you punched Kanye.
Y'all can't come on a fucking Monday Cause y'all gotta come midweek
Who records on a Monday?
We got business
Who are they?
Yeah man
Guys who are on the fucking road
Selling out theaters every weekend
Thanks Akash
I didn't want to say it myself
Got you yo
I got you yo
What if y'all flip flop
On Wednesday
Is the
Is the public
Well we release on Tuesday
Flagrant Tuesday
And then Thursday
Is obviously Brilliant Idiots
Oh okay Nonetheless We always Put out a portion Of the podcast For everybody is the public. Well, we release on Tuesday. Flagrant Tuesday. And then Thursday is obviously Brilliant Idiots.
Oh, okay.
Nonetheless,
we always put out a portion of the podcast for everybody.
Andrew, your usage rate
is so fucking high these days.
We got to go in, son.
We got to go in.
You got to.
Let me say this.
We've paid in life for all this shit.
Let me say this.
Before, yeah, yeah,
we pay for a lot.
I'm just,
we pay for a whole lot.
Never going to run past that.
If you want to say that,
we can say it again.
So,
I'm so
excited that you both are here because you we were trying to get you on idiots today but you
were too busy for us i mean early but i hit charlie yesterday because you touched down in
new york and you did the uh the uh well back in the single days what we used to do is man i'm in
you send out the tweet signal to all the bad signal
he did the bad signal tweet he was like new york is cold
nah nah you got a great girl that's how you're supposed to do it that's how we used to do it
before my dumb ass is like you know what a fucking nerd i am when i would travel i would ask people
where to eat and i would mean it i I'd be like, what's a good restaurant
in Denver, Colorado?
You just act fake curious about the city.
Like you being St. Louis.
These arches are crazy.
The way I do it is like, oh, what's there
to do in Enter the City?
Boom. That's too much.
You gotta be more subtle.
Like, ooh, it's cold.
It's cold.
Like, it's making an observation.
You can't be like him asking, like, hey, where's a good place to eat?
I just want a good place to eat.
Yeah, but he's not trying to cheat.
Now that I know the Barack cheat code, I'll just do that.
Wherever Barack ate, I'm going to eat there.
Yo, Alex thinks he's so slick, bro.
Alex thinks he's so fucking slick, dog.
So Alex is the showrunner for Dropping In, you know, the travel show we do.
So that means he organizes the whole thing, where we go, what we film, everything, right?
And we've been eating at some bomb-ass restaurants.
And I'm like, yo, Al Lokey is a foodie, bro.
Like, what the fuck is going on?
Like, how does he know all this shit?
And I realized the last three restaurants we went to, there's been a picture of Barack Obama eating in every restaurant.
So all he's been doing is, where does Barack Obama
eat around the world?
That's where we're going.
Control the spaces you can, my G.
Control the spaces you can.
I get a little leeway.
Anyway, I'm so excited you both came in
Amin actually
so since we get wild
I have a question
an observation
go go go
when did you
Joe Button
when did I Joe Button
Akash and Cass
when did it become
Andrew Schultz's
Flaker 2
don't worry
son
one second
when did you
when did you
Roy and Malden
it's happened this week
shout out to the
Joe Button podcast
no no
this week it officially happened because I Budden podcast no no this week
it officially happened
because I'm gonna make
Kaz start wearing nail polish
so Kaz is gonna have to start
wearing nail polish
as the thing
but to be honest
we spoke about it on the podcast
you guys don't listen to
Flagrant 2 obviously
but
we went on
I went on
I went on Rogan
and we got this
we got this real nice bump
for Brilliant Idiots.
Right.
And we didn't really experience the bump from, for Flagrant.
Right.
And I typed my name into iTunes and I was like, surely Flagrant 2 will pop up if I type
my name.
But it didn't.
Fucking Chris Moreau, idiot, put everything under loudspeakers network right you know if you type
charlemagne into itunes brilliant idiots doesn't even come up interesting so what we did is put
my name in the actual title of the podcast because we figured my name was the most searchable
especially at that moment and that's the most creative bias you bought no no for the record and i bought that
we talked about what to do and then i searched his name and i was like you know when you search
your name nothing comes up so we i sat them down first i was like here's an here's an idea you guys
call this it's really up to you and he gave us time to go home and think and i was like yeah
it makes sense and i thought about it for a night and i was like yeah let's do it to be fair
we've doubled listenership
Let me ask you a question
Which is really what matters
Hold on that's great
But let me ask you a question
Yes
What if you take the night
Come back and say
Now fuck that
I don't want your name on this shit
That's fine
Then you guys would have been just
Anonymous
I'll sell the studio too so
Nobody asking questions
About how much these cameras cost
My friend You know what I'm saying No no in all seriousness If we want to go back nobody asking questions about how much these cameras cost my friend
you know what I'm saying
no no
in all seriousness
if we want to go back
it's totally fine as well
it's just
right now
we're in a space
where we're on YouTube
and my name is searchable
on YouTube man
it's like we have
these videos
and the video views
have gone up
we're doing 4 million
views a week
in fucking stand up
and it's like
why wouldn't we want
to get some of that
business gotta win
business gotta win
I'm saying
once your name is bigger
than Rachel Nichols
business is gonna win
that's never gonna happen
she gonna have to jump
that's never gonna happen
you don't think
that'll never happen
not with that mentality bro
once you get that hair product
bro once that product's in dog
by the way
this is my last hurrah
for the hair
really
what you mean
you gonna fucking take it all off
the next cut I get
or the next like
cut down
is gonna be all the way
and then I'm coming home
I'll be honest with you then
If that's the case
Take the fucking hat off
Yo
Your hair needs
All of its glory
Yo
Let it have its blast
That might be why
The shit is fucked up
Like Muhammad Ali
Carrying the Olympic torch
You know what I mean
Give it one last
It's very rare that I get to
Bang on somebody's hairline
Cause my shit is running back too
Wait a minute
Wait a minute
I think you have a good hairline
Not really bro
Hold on come come back.
Wait, Alex, shut the fuck up.
You're like that, bro?
On God?
I'm not dealing with your hairline.
Like, on God?
You know, you get no say, bro.
Yo, come on, come on, bro.
You say it online, though.
I say it online all the time.
So I'm agreeing with you.
It's like Andrew going into the fucking NAACP meeting
and giving his opinion.
We don't need you.
Like, you got too much privilege.
Hold on. Didn't we start the NAACP? Nah, his opinion. We don't need you. You got too much room for this.
Didn't we start the NAACP?
White people started it.
We be starting all the cool black shit.
We start the NAACP.
We start the N-word.
We start it.
The NCAA. NCAA.
All the NCAA
shit. We on that.
We trying to get y'all out of it That's why
You don't
You like what we're trying to get y'all out of it
That's why
No bro
You can't
Only
Al does have a good hairline
Al got like a throwback
To the 80s hairline
That's a great hairline
It's good
I can see your hairline
Through
I mean
Fuck you
He trying He trying to hold back He trying to hold back He tried
He tried to hold back
He tried to hold back
This is exactly what happened
This is exactly what happened
That turned and looked
And it's like
He didn't even like process the words
He just looked at my hair
And then I could see him put two to do together
Like oh shit he's right I can see him Putting two to do together Like oh shit
He's right
I can see through it
It's like a
Almost like a mirage
Or something
Like one of them
Reflector joints
That look different
When you look at them
On the light
God damn
Oh fuck dog
Oh man
I'm crying
Anyway
I'm just so happy
You guys came man
I'm so happy
You guys are the first
Official guests
In our studio
As it should be
As it should be
You're the first
Official guests
I'll tell you why
I'm happy to be here
You know
Just to be real
I'm happy to be here
Because
I remember
I'm sure you remember
And Alex you remember
I remember a different Andrew
I'm gonna tell the whole
Fucking flagrant
To this situation
Oh boy
Okay
I remember an Andrew
That was a little angry,
a little jaded, a little
frustrated with a bunch of shit that
was going on. And I remember a bunch
of people, in terms of career, and I guess
you were trying to try your hand at Hollywood
and you were doing it that way or whatever. But I remember
every time I talked to you,
I remember hearing
you say
just something that was just negative. And I remember hearing you say just something that was
just negative
and I remember
I went
me and Charlamagne
had this conversation
I went and I saw
Andrew on the stage
and I had never seen him before
right
I was at that show
huh
I was at that show
that's where I met you
yeah
I saw Andrew by the way
even right after the show
I was like yo
your whole crew
was fucking hilarious
you know what I'm saying
what was it
you guys
you and your black friends y'all were going to that thing.
It was like working in 7-Eleven.
Would you eat raw?
I laughed the whole thing.
I was like, that motherfucker's funny.
And then I was about to say little guy.
I know who I'm standing next to.
Right.
The reason I got to be up front in the podcast She's like School pictures all over again
But no
I went to
I went to see Andrew live
Right
And I saw Andrew
Andrew killed
After that I called you
You did
And I remember having that conversation
I was like
Yo I'm not accepting this
This
This woe is me shit off you anymore
Wow
Like I'm like
You
I
I I was like yo andrew's
not a little funny yeah he's yeah he's like one of the funniest guys on the stage i had seen
forever and after that i saw somebody kick the industry in their own in their ass and really
building themselves believe in his talent believe in, and now you're doing your fucking thing, man. Everybody winning.
I appreciate the fact
that you actually did something that
a lot of people can't do, which is take
self-inventory and
then put your talent on the line and work your
shit, dog. Can I say one thing?
Can I say one thing in response?
Not only
did you change Kanye's life. Shut the
fuck up.
It sounds like
you owe him
you changed my life
thank you
oh man
everybody was telling him
this though
weren't we all telling you
we were all like
can you do me
a personal favor
shut the fuck up
can you give that
same speech
to a means hand
no I appreciate you
As a brother
And thank you so much
For doing that man
And I know that came from
From a
A completely altruistic place
Like you didn't have to do that
You didn't have to come to the show
And that meant
That meant a lot to me man
And I hope
And I hope
And I hope that I
Did the things that
That we spoke about
You did You said everything you was gonna do And you went out And you got it But I mean that Thank you the things that we spoke about. You did.
You said everything you was going to do and you went out and you got it.
But I mean that.
Thank you very much for that.
Word up.
Word up.
And I appreciate that.
That kind of sounds like a confession of crime without actually saying it.
Like, I did the things that you told me to do.
Yo, what did David Stern say, man, when he walked into that All-Star?
I know where the bodies are buried because I'm the one that put them there.
Fuck.
That is a gangsta asshole.
You never heard this story? They were going into the lockout. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Tell the story. put him there. Fuck. That is a gangsta asshole. You never heard this story?
They were going into the lockout.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
Tell the story.
Set this whole story up.
This is a legend.
This will give you all the respect for David Stern.
For anybody listening right now,
David Stern, obviously the commissioner of the NBA.
Former commissioner.
Former commissioner of the NBA
who had just passed away.
Former human being.
Formerly alive.
Yeah, formerly alive.
Now dust.
Don't fuck me up on this part
You I'm the one who got a job
I'm the one who's on the line
Oh man
Why did I say that's inaccurate
I'm sweating Why did I say that's inaccurate? Hey, man.
I'm sweating.
What did I say?
You're going to call yourself into your own office?
We're trying to get the next.
That was funny.
If they were starting to be on the 2020 census, somebody tell me.
Jesus Christ.
What's the story?
Can you claim him on taxes?
Yo.
That's a good-ass question. It was a live January 1.
Listen.
Let me tell you something.
Oh, shit.
Pass away on January 1?
No, shoot.
That's what you're going to say.
Whatever Jewish motherfucker doing his taxes, claim that boy.
You don't think David Stern held on until January 1st for that explicit purpose?
Hey, pull the plug at 12.01.
At 12.01, he just tipped his yarmulke this way and then leaned over all the way.
Fuck, okay, okay, tell the story.
I mean, tell the story.
Love that last Hanukkah candle.
Oh, my gosh.
David Cermay, rest in peace.
Okay.
Honorable man, great man.
So they're going into an NBA lockout in the summertime, right?
Okay.
July 1, the lockout starts.
And the two sides have been far apart during the season
because you try to get stuff done during the year,
but a lot of times it doesn't work out.
That's why we get to a lockout.
This is the last lockout or 2011 or this is the last one that happened in
2011 okay so he's go he goes to the all-star game and it's also game typically the the commissioner
gives a state of the union address yeah so he gets up there and uh the someone asked a question
when the reporters i heard this was in the locker room no he did this in a press conference oh shit
that's even crazy no but he was only speaking to the players not the press well maybe he did this in a press conference oh shit that's even crazy no but he was only
speaking to the players not the press well maybe he did yeah maybe it was a locker maybe it was in
the locker room yeah yeah but basically because nobody else was there that was press it was just
the it was it was the case was he someone said some shit and he said they said they were gonna
walk out yeah the players yeah the all-star game that's right the all-star game they said they
were gonna walk out on the all-star game like to send the message and so david stern looks around and says
he walks in the room he he hears this he walks in the room and he says basically don't test me
i know where all the bodies are buried i know because i put them there and that's like that
was like oh shit i'm not fucking with y'all. Apparently he walked in the room and he goes,
so I heard you guys are thinking of walking out.
And then he says the body's buried line.
And you know what he's referencing?
He's referencing the Donahue thing.
Everything, man.
But there's other shit.
Everything.
He is, hopefully you can share some more.
Because that would have taken him.
That would have destroyed the entire credibility
I don't think he was referring to Donahue
he wasn't referring to Donahue
he couldn't blow that up
not blow it up
but like
I think what he's trying to say is
and I think a lot of people don't realize this
is like
you don't get to where the NBA is
in that short a period of time
organically
it takes a benevolent dictator
who's willing
to maybe
he's not benevolent
I mean he's benevolent to the league
who?
David Stern?
No, man.
That dude ran that shit like a tyrant, man.
Like, an effective tyrant.
I guess what I mean,
but they came way the fuck up.
What I mean is in terms of come up.
Effective and efficient.
Benevolent to me is like Adam Silver's benevolent.
Let me rephrase benevolent.
His benevolence is to the NBA itself,
not necessarily the players.
In other words, by bringing the league into the mainstream. Yeah, but even
the players benefit. You know what's crazy?
I thought he was a player first commissioner
though. Lead first.
But what I
mean by that is that I think the
thing that differentiated the NBA, let me put it
to you this way, between all other sports is that
growing up, the NBA was the
only league that
took a couple of guys in that league
and made them bigger than the game
so let me rephrase
I would say this about David Stern
I wouldn't even say league first or player first
but he was objective first
and money first and if this is going to
make us more money then we're going to do this
I don't see for instance I think the NFL
is leaving money on the table by some of their behavior as far as the way they're antagonistic
towards the players they think the public wants this i really think they're leaving money on the
table the nba and david stern never left money on the table that was his whole thing so whether it
was hey i'm gonna take these two dudes magic and bird and make them center prime time that i make
you root for stars not teams that
you would say it's player first at the same time saying hey you guys gotta wear suits and that
that's league first in the reality it's all money first everything he did was with an eye towards
how can i grow this and that's why in 1989 they were the first professional sports league in
america to say we're getting on this plane and we're going to china because we're there's gonna
be a lot of money there.
He did that.
Even with the game, his objective was grow the game.
The pot, the game.
Sure.
When you grow the game, what happens to the pot?
You make more money.
You make more money.
And I think what happens along the line is you go, hey, it's maybe the best thing that
Patrick Ewing goes to the Knicks and that there's an envelope that maybe is a little
colder than the other envelopes. Now, some people go, oh envelope that maybe it's a little colder than the other almost.
Now, some people go, oh, that's, you know, folklore, this, that, the other.
And maybe it is. But a lot of these things happen.
The Donahue thing. Apparently Donahue called three other referees every single night a game was fixed.
We don't know any of their names because a phone call was made and some bodies were buried.
Right. So it's like and he did those things because he knew or he wanted the game to
go to a certain place and he wanted to expedite he was he was batman in that sense he was batman
you know like in the dark knight he tells uh commissioner gordon you got to tell them that
harvey died trying to save your son and i'm the easy i'll be the bad guy because people need to
believe in something right and so david Stern absolutely did that with Donahue
and with a bunch of other things.
He did stuff that if the public knew the truth,
probably would get them a lot more upset.
So they need to just believe it.
Like suspending Michael Jordan secretly for a year and a half, two years.
I don't think that happened.
I believe it.
Wait a minute.
Go on that.
What do you think that is?
What's that rumor?
Oh, so Michael Jordan's retirement, right?
Yes.
There is, to me a very
credible rumor and a very believable rumor that that actually wasn't a retirement suspension
that it was a suspension for gambling and that i don't want to say anything about i don't want to
you know regard breast to dead but some people think that what happened to mj's dad had to do
with i heard that right And so after that happened,
then there's thoughts from some people
that they were like,
this is going too far.
You need to sit down for a little while.
The reason why I say no is because...
You never heard that one.
I heard the thing about the gambling debt.
I never heard that the league suspended him.
And the narrative...
I heard Stern saying,
that's the rumor.
Stern was like,
you need to sit down.
We're not going to suspend you.
We're not going to suspend you. You couldn't suspend the biggest... The biggest sports that's the rumor. Stern was like, you need to sit down. We're not going to suspend you.
You couldn't suspend the biggest sports star in the world,
but he could retire for a little while and then come back.
But really, the league.
So my question is, and I trust me, want to believe in the conspiracy because it's a lot of fun.
But my question is, Jordan knew how much leverage he had in the NBA at that time.
Couldn't Jordan just say, I'm not
going nowhere.
You won't have to.
Unless the league had definitive proof that he was a degenerate gambler.
Well, we knew he gambled, but is he gambling?
I know.
But if it was a situation that was as serious as that, then the Michael Jordan, who remember
at that time in his career, made the bulk of his money off endorsements.
That guy and that guy's business takes a serious.
Right.
He can't.
He was making $34 million a year.
No, he wasn't.
In the 90s.
At that time, he was making like $2 million off of his playing career.
And he was like 18.
What were you going to say?
I was going to say the one thing is like,
Michael Jordan made a shit ton of money for this league.
That's the one thing that I don't believe.
I think they would have found any way to get around it without taking out the biggest cash cow in sports.
At the prime of his career, there's got to be another way to discipline or to go about it.
Also, he seemed to take baseball really seriously.
That's the other thing.
He was into it.
You ever watch that 30 for 30?
Yeah, it's good.
It's crazy because they were saying at the end,
he was actually getting fucking good.
He was no doubt improving.
If you look at Michael Jordan's stats and what they are now,
they're set in stone.
But if you actually were following it, my dad was like,
he was no doubt getting better.
He was getting better.
It's the craziest story I've ever heard.
They said, I can't remember, I think it was Matt Doherty,
but whoever Michael Jordan's college roommate was when he was a freshman,
said like maybe the first or second weekend they were there,
they said, hey, you want to go out?
Let's go play pool.
It was the All-American kid that was voted not him at North Carolina.
What, Buzz Peterson?
It was Buzz Peterson.
There you go, Buzz Peterson.
So he says, let's go play pool.
And he said, I've never played pool before.
I said, all right, it's okay.
I'll teach you.
So he teaches him.
Obviously, he's like a whoop his ass.
He's never played pool before.
He said, this dude was so mad that he lost that for two weeks did not say a single word to me.
Now, remember, these guys are both on the team.
So they're going to practice.
They're playing.
They're in the same classes because they're both freshmen
they're eating mess hall
at the same time
never spoke a word to him
for two weeks
at the end of two weeks
he said hey man
you want to go play pool
he said oh okay
I guess he's out of his funk
he said do you know
we went
and that motherfucker beat me
because for two weeks
he sat around
and practiced pool
and that was it
I love it
that's how crazy
that's how maniacal he is, right?
But that's like, that's how you get a gambling problem is even though all this shit is fixed,
I can still beat it.
Nah.
I'm not even joking.
It's ego.
It's straight arrogance.
That's how competitive you are.
Say, give me the shit with the longest odds that I'm not ever supposed to win and I'm
a fucking beat it.
I also think with him, gambling can be all consuming.
You know, like when you're on-
Competition is all consumingconsuming for him.
Absolutely.
And when you're on stage, for example, with stand-up,
you can't really think about your girl pissing you off
or these types of things, right?
We can't sit there in that moment because we have to be so focused, right?
And I feel like when you gamble, that's also the same way.
It's like you're so focused on the outcome.
It's also a way to further demoralize someone.
If we're gambling, if we're gambling, like, if we're playing,
you guys were out there playing, like, Mario Kart, right?
2K or whatever.
Like, when you lose.
Oh, not only beating them, taking their money.
When you lose at some shit like that,
we used to play Madden.
It was not even for a lot of money.
If you lose at Madden, you're already mad.
But if you lose and you got to reach in your pocket
and come out, and Jordan is beating these guys in practice and they're wagering thousands of dollars on this shit and on card games and all of that stuff.
It's the height of being competitive because there's something on the line other than just your pride.
Taking money out of your pocket.
That's a great point.
As far as gambling, not like the gambling with your buddies, but going to the casinos, the longest odds of.
The other thing I always thought about was, was basketball that easy for him?
Where he's like, I need something else.
I need something where there's a chance that I'm going to lose.
Oh.
I think about where you at competitively in your sport where it's like, this is so much
guaranteed that I'm going to win this.
That I need something else in my life to supplant that feeling of fear of, oh, I might lose this.
There's no challenges left.
The only thing against that is Barkley gambles like hell.
He never wants shit.
I think he just likes to gamble.
Yeah, I think Barkley gambles like he drinks.
It's just a fun distraction.
He likes to have fun.
Do you know what my favorite David Stern story is, though?
What?
Did you guys hear the Rome audio?
Dude, that shit.
Oh, my God.
Are you still beating your wife that way? your wife think about bro think of the fucking balls
Oh, yeah, like you just that went wrong didn't even know what the fuck to do. Jim Rome is never in that position
He's always the other guy and I think part of part of it is. Stern neutered him. Part of it is, obviously, you don't expect.
I don't think that's completely fair.
Pussy ass motherfucker.
I don't think that's completely fair.
He just fucking cut his leg.
You know why?
Your wife doesn't think it's fair.
Because you don't expect the commissioner of a league to drop that shit.
You might, some jackass like us would come say that.
But the other thing is.
Also, real talk, what can you say if you beat your wife?
Yes.
Well, no, there's no. No. There's no right answer. Exactly. And that's something from law school. But the other thing is Also real talk What can you say If you beat your wife Yes Well no
There's no
No
There's no right answer
Exactly
And that's
That's something
From law school
Someone
My buddy who's a lawyer
Told me
That's a thing
They teach in law school
Which is
A loaded question
Like that
Which is
That's the example
They give
But the type of questions
You can throw out there
That will basically
Either way
Shine the light
In a certain way
On the person
You're asking the question
So if I ask
Have you stopped Beating your wife There is no right answer because yes is yes means yeah
i'm still beating my wife no means well i used to beat my wife but now i don't you're admitting
either way you're admitting so jesus christ like he was pulling the only are you gonna wait what
was it yeah yeah have you stopped beating your wife have you stopped being your wife yeah yeah
and i was really did you say have you stopped beating your wife? Have you stopped beating your wife? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was really after... Did you say, have you stopped beating your vag?
No, no.
I was thinking about how I would ask a loaded question to my girl.
You know what I mean?
Are you still sucking my dick tonight?
Nah, you can get a real straight answer for that one.
Yeah, because she could be no, and I could be like,
all right, but you was gonna.
Knew you were going to suck my dick.
Moral victory.
Oh, man. Yo Yo can we talk about this
Houston Astros thing man
Okay
We obviously don't give a fuck
About baseball
No
Because we're all men here
But there is something
That is quite interesting
With this Houston Astros thing
I cared about the story
No shit for about 15 minutes
Okay
I was into it
But
That's a lot for baseball
That's a lot for baseball
That's the longest I ever cared
So they have a situation Where they were Apparently putting buzzers On their into it. But that's a lot for baseball. That's a lot for baseball. That's the longest I ever cared.
So they have a situation where they were
apparently putting buzzers
on the players.
Well, you got to start
at the beginning.
The beginning was,
hey, the Astros
are stealing signs.
Which, to be honest with you,
has been going on.
But every team does.
Yeah, every team.
You're not supposed to.
And by the way,
if you steal signs
in the regular way,
it's not even frowned upon. It's a guy with the regular way so what i would say the regular way of stealing
signs would be like is like um if if you if you're tipping your signs right like in baseball you have
different signs you sign them in for pitches or for when you're a runner but mostly just anybody
who's listening doesn't understand baseball the catcher will tell the pitcher what pitch to throw
and usually use his fingers between his legs to give off a sign.
Yes.
Or signs that are coming in from the third base coach or whatever.
Right, right.
If you realize that there's a tendency, right,
and if you realize that they do a certain sequence or whatever
every time this pitch comes and you steal the sign that way,
that's acceptable.
It's like the NFL.
When they line
up in a certain way the corners would be like okay there's only three plays they can do with
this lineup all right so right and that's you using gamesmanship right that's allowed one question i
have for us uh if you are on second base so they already get somebody on base and you have the
ability to look at the pitcher legally because you've earned the position that's all you're good
that's what that's more specifically what i'm talking about if you can somehow if you had a guy
who could see what the catchers are doing on the ball all that's good that's allowed that's good
this is not that so so so that larry one which is not illegal it's perfectly legal is people watch
film they watch film and they see the things and they try to pick up on the tendencies even though
people change their signs up right level two is
in game now
it's not like me
from watching a bunch of film
in game
I'm getting a signal
from somebody
either the second base
the guy on second base
or someone in the dugout
who sees something
and they let me know
level three
is
what they were doing
which is
no there's no level three
this is fucking
level
amazing
no but no no because there's levels level three. This is fucking amazing.
No, but no, no, because there's levels above the next level I'm about to say.
So the next level is. So level three is the beginning of cheating.
Yeah, so they go into the video replay room, which I didn't even know they had access to.
That's the MLB video replay room.
It's right there in the, yeah.
So they go there and they watch the shit because it's got a close-up and everything.
And then they grab a trash can and would bang.
And depending on how many times they bang on the trash can, the batter here, oh, this one's a fastball.
Oh, this is a changeup, whatever.
I think they would not bang if it was a fastball.
And if they saw that it was a changeup, whatever that sound was, they'd bang on a trash can.
And now the batter knows.
Now the batter knows, right?
Swing, don't swing. Don't swing it this is a change right i think a change
up gets crazy at the end off so then the next level they're like because they started feeling
it might be a little suspicious some dude yeah so the buzzers the next level is they have a device
that they would tape almost like a wire if you're if you're an informant a wire that they had taped
on the guy yes and then it would buzz.
Instead of the banks.
Yeah, and also Apple Watches, too.
Ah, because you can text.
Pulse, yeah.
Yes, yes, yes.
And so the crazy thing is they got the video of Altuve
hitting that walk-off home run, and as he's coming down,
he says, don't rip my jersey off because I'm wearing the shit.
He says that's not what we were saying.
He was saying it.
He said something about his wife.
Yeah, he says the worst lie ever and also the best lie ever
because at the time when no one knows it's a scandal,
he said, why weren't you saying that?
Oh, it's because of my wife.
People are like, yeah, that makes sense.
You know, women make you do crazy things.
But here's the thing.
After running, after crossing home plate,
he by himself runs into the dugout,
takes his shirt, then goes into the locker room, does something.
I think he comes back out with a different shirt.
Comes out with like a World Series champ shirt or whatever.
Boom, exactly.
But think about that.
You just hit the walk-off home run in the World Series,
and you don't celebrate with your teammates?
Yeah.
That's peculiar.
Which, again, if you don't watch baseball, when you hit a game-winning home run,
the whole team is ready.
As you come around to home, the team comes at the home home base and they usually mob you and throw water it's it's your
moment that you've been thinking about since literally you know what i have a question about
they also had one more thing like one stat somebody pulled up home games and away game
his numbers at home where they have access to the video yeah his in particular the ones i heard
about were crazy like 427 batting average.
In baseball, like a 300 is good.
It's a Hall of Famer.
427.
Why did just Altuve do so well?
Why would they not buzzer as everybody?
It was the team.
The team was doing well.
The team, I mean, Altuve's numbers actually went through the roof.
I think he was the World Series MVP that year.
But the team in general, on the roll as particularly at dodger stadium
didn't really hit as well but at home they were just killing so this is an interesting thing
about baseball this is how difficult hitting a baseball is is even when you know what pitch is
coming it only lifts your batting average what is it a little bit 30. 30%? No, 30% is like 15? But here's the thing though
that
that's the thing about baseball.
Is the difference between
World Series and not?
Jesus Christ.
100%.
You're failing 7 out of 10 times
you go up there, right?
100%.
You're going to the Hall of Fame.
And you're in the Hall of Fame
you're failing 7 out of 10 times.
100%.
So any sort
of advantage
is major.
Is major.
My question is this.
I haven't read
the rules
I haven't read the baseball CBA.
What I want to know is, does it say anywhere that you can't do this?
I think so.
What is it like?
I don't know the rule, but I know it's against the rules
because you can't suspend a dude for a year
for something that's not technically illegal.
They suspended the GM.
Well, no.
The league suspended them, the GM and the manager
for a year.
I knew they were going to get fired.
Because suspended for
a year?
Suspended for a whole season?
They're going to let them go.
It's also like
it shows that they're guilty. Keeping them around makes everyone question the veracity of your organization
so you say hey we didn't want like the owner that's his way of saying i don't know and my
players so we get rid of the guys who are in charge but like this is what my buddy said baseball
is the cheatingest ass sport in the world because it's the only sport that they've every single way
i i was telling you guys about this earlier they've got steroids yep they've got a team in 1919 or whatever through the through the
world series literally just through it right you've got uh who is joe jackson yeah he's the
mafia guy rothstein is the mafia guy who got to the black socks and then convinced them to throw
the world series like they bet on the world series that the white socks would lose and then convince them to throw the World Series. Like they bet on the World Series that the White Sox would lose.
And then the White Sox went out and fucking threw it.
And that's how you...
How do you throw?
Did they win a World Series already?
How would you get to the promised land?
You get to the World Series and then you're like, oops, I swung for it again.
No, no, no, no, no.
I understand how you would play back.
What makes a person do that?
What I don't understand is...
It was money.
Money!
The thing about the White Sox was I think Comiskey was the owner of the White Sox at that time,
which the park was named after.
And they were super fucking pissed with him that they couldn't get more money out of him.
They felt underpaid and undervalued.
And so not only were they throwing the World Series to get the money that Rothstein was giving them,
but it was also as a big fuck you to the uppers in their organization. They know they were going to get the money that Rothstein was giving them, but it was also as a big fuck you to the uppers in their organization.
They know they were going to get caught.
Also, the park's named after Mr. Cellular One.
Oh, Mr. Cellular One, right?
They changed it from Comiskey Park to...
But what I'm curious about is,
there's no amount of money that you could pay me.
Oh, bullshit.
No.
Bullshit.
To Bombaset?
No, no, not to Bombaset.
I do that for free all the time.
I'm talking about there's no amount of money.
If I dedicate my entire life to winning a World Series or winning an NBA championship,
no amount of money you can pay me to throw it.
How many MLB teams were there at the time?
There might have been like 18.
There weren't a lot.
Oh, so they're like, we could get here, no problem.
I assume there wasn't 30 teams.
By the way, this team at that time, because this was before the 20s and the Yankees and
stuff, this was the greatest baseball team of all time.
Yeah.
With what a lot of people think at that time, Joe Jackson was, Joe Johnson.
No, Jackson.
Joe Jackson, excuse me, was the, who a lot of people felt like was the greatest player.
Yeah.
So, I mean, like, yeah, part of it is they probably thought, ah, we'll get another one.
Okay.
So, that's it.
So, we're back into, okay, that's fair.
That I understand more.
But if it's like the NFL, like for example,
you might have one chance,
and every team fluctuates every year.
You might have one chance.
Let me tell you right now, it's all relative.
Because if you tell me right now,
I'll go to Jimmy Garoppolo and say,
here it is, billion dollars.
Throw it.
He's throwing the Super Bowl.
A billion dollars?
I wouldn't do it.
He ain't even throwing in the Super Bowl.
Six passes. He's going to look at you like, what do you want he ain't even throwing in the Super Bowl six passes he's gonna look at you
like what do you want me to do
fumble the
the handoff
like what can I
how can I do
there's almost
no way
Jimmy Garoppolo
could fucking
yeah he could
maybe if he fumbles
no yeah he could
audible
audible
just audible
as it passes
if he audible
three times
he's getting
if you are
if you are a main player if you are a a main player, you can absolutely throw a game.
Sure.
And so, but you have that.
You have Pete Rose betting on his own team.
You've got steroids, obviously.
Which you should be allowed to do.
You should be allowed to bet that you're going to win.
Except for the fact that we don't know if he was just betting that they would win.
Well, that's where it gets iffy. But if you're a boxer, you can bet if you're going to win. Except for the fact that we don't know if he was just betting that they would win. Well, that's where it gets iffy.
But if you're a boxer, you can bet if you're going to win.
If they had transparency with betting, can't you just be like,
I'm going to bet a million dollars if we win?
Let's go.
I love that you're invested.
This is the other one that I forgot.
There was a scandal between the Astros and the Cardinals like three years ago
because the Cardinals hacked their fucking scouting database
and stole their scouting reports.
Again, all I can think of is like,
holy shit, the nerds in baseball
are doing all this high-tech ways to win
and our nerds in basketball are like,
PR in the fourth corner!
But it's hard,
man. It's hard.
In baseball, it's a failure sport.
It's white people cheating, man. They're the best at cheating.
It's American.
It's an American game. They cheat football all the. They're the best at cheating. It's the American game.
They cheat for a long time.
We the best at it.
You know what I'm saying?
Got him.
Nice, Eddie.
For real, dude. We were cheating since the
fucking beginning.
There's a lot of Indian
people that do the analytics in the NBA.
Hey, we too honorable, man.
If it ain't a fucking A on the line, it ain't worth it.
How come y'all don't give a fuck about baseball?
It just sucks.
The sport sucks.
It's just boring.
It's boring.
It existed before sports.
It's a really boring activity.
The most interesting story in baseball this entire year was this shit that just happened right now.
And it's barely interesting.
It is interesting.
Every once in a while there's a fight or something like physical.
No, no, no.
That shit ain't interesting. This is interesting. Dude, when a while, there's a fight or something like physical. No, no, no. That shit ain't interesting.
This is interesting.
Dude, when Randy Moss
threw that pitch
and it hit the pigeon.
Randy Moss.
Or Randy Johnson.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They all look alike.
Yeah.
All those fucking Randys.
Come on.
A little interracial
all look alike humor?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Tall people.
Okay, what was that?
Tall people.
Tall people.
That's what it was.
Yeah, it's just a boring fucking sport
and just like a lot of TV shows
back in the day
that don't hold up
it's like yeah
that was all there was there
to look at
you know like
I'm sure looking at the fucking stars
and finding Orion's belt
that's what it is
watching a baseball game
is like watching a fucking
Charlie Chaplin movie
it is
Charlie Chaplin's really funny
when you had nothing else
yeah
right
but now that there's sound
it was a slower fucking society.
So everything took like a long.
Yeah,
they didn't even have cars.
Right,
right.
And so,
and so like,
even,
even like,
when you look at.
It is.
They didn't have cars back in like 1908
or whatever the fuck.
They riding horses into the game.
You know what I mean?
There was no cars?
They had cars,
dog.
When did we get cars?
When was the first baseball game played?
I bet it was in the 1800s.
It was the 1800s.
They didn't buy it.
Yeah, we had no cars.
No, there's something more important than that.
They brought a fucking horse and buggy.
You don't think this show was exciting?
I think when you got to the game.
Dude, they had nothing to do.
Yeah, think about how nothing there is to do.
Electricity like 60 years old.
You know what I mean?
What?
The first baseball game was in 1846.
Bro, when was electricity invented?
That was like the Civil War. When did black people get free? game was in 1846. Bro. When was electricity invented? That was like the Civil War.
When did black people get free?
Fuck electricity?
1846.
Y'all wish this.
20 years after that, bro.
How much?
Holy shit.
Yeah, 40 years.
If you thought baseball
was boring now,
imagine from 1840
to 1865.
Can you imagine
being a time traveler
from like the 50s
going back in time talking about
like, why black people ain't playing baseball?
That's like the last fucking question you would ask.
If you time travel back to 1846, you're going to ask why niggas not playing baseball?
We got bigger problems.
You don't know that yet.
No, you don't know that yet.
Can we get some shoes?
We're talking about how you would start the uprising in 1846.
We got problems.
I gotta fix it.
Hold on, my nigga. If we travel
back in time,
if we travel back in time, you might
start the uprising. But if
you go back and you see that, I'm not gonna be thinking about
baseball. Yeah, but what if you don't know where you are?
Right. Okay, because there's no way you could predict
the exact year. All the past kind of
look the same. You mean like Quantum Leap
Quantum Leap
love that show
yo son
show us the Quantum Leap
I want to read that shit
Sam yo
I want to read Quantum Leap
yeah
so yo yo
I did a movie with that dude
with Sam
Joe Panteliano
Joe Panteliano
that guy's great
no Sam
Joe Panteliano
first of all amazing actor
Joe Panteliano is not
isn't that Quantum Leap
yeah he's the guy
Joey Pants
Joey Pants is Joey Pants.
Joey Pants is not.
No, that's not him.
Yes, it is.
No, it's not.
Different guy, yo.
On everything.
Put it up on the screen.
Yo, you looking mad foolish right now.
Can I tell you how much more foolish I look when I said, fam, you are amazing in Quantum
Leap.
Son, that's not.
Son, that's Joey Pants, dog.
That's the God, bro.
Son, Joey Pants was in Quantum Leap, son.
No, he wasn't.
He's not in that shit.
Go to Quantum Leap. He might have been in one episode. He's not in that shit. Go to Quantum Leap.
He might have been in one episode.
He's the do-do-do-do-do.
No, that's not him.
That's like Dean Stockwell.
No, it's not.
Dean Stockwell.
Dean Stockwell.
Go to Dean Stockwell.
Good job, man.
Like, yeah, that's not him.
That's TMZ.
That's him.
That's him.
I made up with nothing like Joey Pants.
That motherfucker looks absolutely 0% like Joey Pants.
Let me tell you something.
You white-faced as hell.
He was 100 years old at the time. Yeah. Son, can I tell you something? Joey Pants got That motherfucker looks absolutely zero percent like Let me tell you something. You white faced this man. He was a hundred years
old at the time.
Son, can I tell you
all something?
Joey Ponce got
popular in the Matrix.
You think he was
born in 1936?
It's not even the same.
Like what?
Like what's that?
It's like what are you
talking about?
When I tell you.
Wait a second.
What is this description here?
What is this?
His beautiful
cherubic face
with his pimples.
That's how they do it on IMDB. Like since he's public he'subic face with his a crown of curls they wrote that in like the 50s come on come on come on no no no no no go look up
the means imdb see how they describe his head not a crown of curls okay so i i literally i told joey
pants how much a big fan i yo son you know what I realized? What did he say?
No, this is fucked up
I never congratulated him in it
I came up to him on set and I was like, yo
I go, yo
I gotta tell you something, man
I'm like
I'm like a huge fan
Of Quantum Leap, bro
I would watch that show back in the day
It was one of my favorite
shows like and and i'm so messed up because i forgot how the show ended like i don't remember
how it ended but it was one of the best shows ever and i remember now him being like hey man
yeah it was pretty good show you know that was good that show i think i agree with you
it was good it was unpredictable you I think I agree with you. I thought we did. It was good. It was unpredictable.
You never know.
You never know where it's going to be.
They're sharing with them.
I was like, what was that thing supposed to be?
Was this on that Johnny Carson show?
Say what?
Was this on that Johnny Carson show?
No, this was on, I did a movie with him.
I did this movie called Feast of the Seven Fishes.
Okay.
And he was a really cool guy, nice guy.
Totally me too and the shit out of this young girl that was on it.
Oh, that's what's up.
Like old school Hollywood. That's how you're a great actor. Hey, babe. Yeah, old out of this young girl that was on it. Like, like old school Hollywood.
Hey babe.
Yeah.
Old school.
Like,
so my pants.
Anyway,
he forces way into them.
Joey,
take off them pants.
If you want to keep this job.
You okay over there?
I'm done.
Anyway, uh, he was a shit though. Shit, man. I didn done. I'm done. Anyway.
Quantum Leap was the shit, though.
Shit, man.
I didn't know he wasn't in that.
Nah, he wasn't in that shit.
No, but, like, you gotta...
Are we still on why baseball's corrupt?
No, I'm trying to think about, like, him going home and saying,
hey, how was work today?
Oh, it was cool.
I met this young comedian, Andrew Schultz.
He's really funny.
Loves Quantum Leap for some reason.
I had a couple times... Would've shut the fuck up about it. Bro reason I had a couple times
would have shut the fuck up
about it
bro I had a couple times
these old motherfuckers
don't remember me at all
there was the old guy
that was in
he was in
Breaking Bad
in the wheelchair
do you remember him
I never watched Breaking Bad
you ever watched Breaking Bad
talking about the kid
no the old man
that was in the wheelchair
that couldn't speak
oh Hector Salamanca
Hector Salamanca
oh I love him
and he played my grandfather
on a show
Benders
which I was the lead of the
show and I saw him on the street Scarface to oh son he's a legendary
actor I can believe it there were no they were like yes there was one
Hispanic on Scarface wasn't he the hitman at Scarface am I thinking about
the same guy and he's the ding-ding-ding guy the ding-ding guy same guy he was the
hitman at Scarface the one that told that was gonna blow up the place and
Tony killed him.
And then Sosa.
Him.
That guy.
And then Sosa came and was like.
Oh, yeah.
Remember Tony told him no wife, no kids.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. It was a silent killer.
We did a whole fucking show.
Okay.
He was on my show.
Okay.
I walked up to him on the street and I was like, hey, man.
I remember Benders.
We did the show together.
And he literally
Said this to me
He just goes
He has a
Yeah
And then walked away
Right
That's what I like
About old people man
They don't give a fuck
Don't give a fuck
They've been here about me
That's for sure
Let me tell you some shit
I went to the
David Stern Memorial yesterday
Oh yeah how was that
It was cool
His son was hilarious
But Like You have all these people Come up Adam Silver Magic Memorial yesterday. Oh yeah, how was that? It was cool. His son was hilarious, but
you have all these people come
up, Adam Silver, Magic Johnson,
Val Ackerman, the first commissioner of the WNBA,
and Rick Wells, and all these people
are really touching, some funny stories, whatever.
And then Pat Riley comes up, and we're
like, oh shit, here we go. Pat Riley, if you don't
know, is legendary for his speeches.
He gets six figures for speaking engagements.
I'm like, I'm finally about to witness the magic of Pat Riley.
And he gets up there and he spoke for 40 goddamn minutes.
And no lie, about 34 of those 40 minutes were about himself.
Not stories of him with David Stern, just Pat Riley growing up stories.
And I almost quit basketball in the eighth grade.
But then I hit a game-winning shot in Mother Superior at St. Joseph's.
Had everyone give me a standing applause and
that's what made me keep playing basketball.
It was nothing to do with David Stern.
And towards the end, my favorite
part is he says, you know, I didn't know David Stern that
well.
You know what? That's what I like about black funerals
though. See if you're doing that at a black funeral,
somebody ain't here gonna be go,
I ain't Tyler. Get the fuck out
now. It ain't about you. I get it. But somebody's gonna be alright Tyler get the fuck out now it ain't about you
I get it
but somebody's gonna be like
nah we done
but the thing
I was thinking about
I was like man
someone said
you know he's 75 years old
I'm like Pat Riley is?
Pat Riley's 75 years old
him and Michael Douglas
are the same person to me
you gotta give him
the pass
yo Michael Douglas
I bumped into Michael Douglas
at a movie premiere
and this dude is about
he about your height
they're all tiny bro
it's shocking how small he is.
They're all tiny.
He's a short little dude, man.
Listen.
Pat Riley bombed his own,
bombed the RIP speech?
As someone else said,
it was like he was doing his own eulogy.
That's what it felt like.
He just kept talking about himself.
He had like Two David Stern stories
You gonna report this story
On ESPN
In 40 minutes
Nah man
I gave it to the
Flakering mob
Or the Flakering army
Is this what you do
Like stories that you really
Like you wanna go on ESPN
Yo we would love that
We would love that
Give us the drama bro
All the run off
You just bring it here
So people can get it
First of all
I ain't gonna
I like going to Miami
And they treat me
Really good down there
So I'm not gonna Fuck that up at all so you already did it no you fucked up no no it's over
now now we're putting this whole thing out we're putting that first you saying what were you saying
fuck pat riley let me tell you that i mean el hasan yeah that is that well it's gotta be
fuck pat r Riley and also
I punched Kanye in the nuts.
No, face.
Face?
You went right after him.
You went right after him.
You went right after him.
Beat the shit out of him.
You know what's crazy?
I'm trying to think
of the way I would write
that TMZ headline.
Which one?
About him
fucking over Pat Riley
like that.
Yeah, why you dogged out
Pat Riley?
Why you dogged out Pat Riley? Why?
How you dogged out Pat Riley.
Why would you write it?
Well, I'm thinking how I would write it.
Why would you?
No, I said how.
First thing is, I would put,
this is how that headline would look.
This is how you take that piece of video
you write to Tennessee.
It's a quote first, right?
It's not, well, the headline's not a quote.
First thing you gotta do is put Pat Riley.
Right.
Because you want people to click on it.
Yes.
But wouldn't it say, quote, fuck Pat Riley, unquote?
No.
If you said that.
But I wouldn't say it if you didn't say it.
So this is what I would do.
I would put Pat Riley bombed in David Stern's memorial.
Right.
In small letters, dot, dot, dot, says Aminah Hyson.
So it's big out there and then I lay it on you at the end.
Like, it's all real and we can't get in trouble.
Sound effects.
Guys, new things popping up in the studio all the time.
Since y'all changed your name.
Now, let's move away from, since he changed his name.
Y'all changed your name.
Okay, let's move away from.
Andrew Schultz is flagrant too.
Thank you, bro.
Bitch, this is my house.
Thank you, man. It costs a lot of money. All right, let's take a break for Schultz's Flavor 2. Thank you, man.
It costs a lot of money.
All right, let's take a break for a second.
Pay some bills.
What?
Everybody watching at home, I'm in a different shirt.
Yes, because I recorded this the other day.
But listen, you know that this company is near and dear to my heart.
Well, actually, it doesn't make it all the way up to my heart because that's just how I'm built. But maybe some of you guys on this, it would go all the way up to your heart. We're
talking about Blue Chew. OK, if you're new to this podcast, Blue Chew has been holding us down.
OK, not only taking care of us, but taking care of our girlfriends, taking care of random girls,
taking care of wives. OK, this is a great birthday gift that you get your shorty.
It's the hardest dick you'll ever have in your life.
BlueChew.com, okay?
You're gonna get it for free.
All you gotta do is go to BlueChew.com,
use the offer code flagrant, all right?
Just like the entire asshole army has done by now.
I don't care where I am. There's an asshole army member coming up to me after a show, keeping that asshole tight, but opening the asshole, maybe of his girlfriend.
That's a possibility. Always consensual. Now, um, all you gotta do is you go to the website,
you pay $5 shipping, but everything else is free. Get your feature free trial. Give your night,
uh, give the night of your life to your wife. It's simple as that. Your girlfriend, whoever it is.
Okay. You've got a girl that you need to impress.
You want to lay it down the first time, you go for it.
You bust too early and you need to run it back.
You know I don't run it back without the chew.
If you need to run it back, chew it up, chew it down.
All right?
That's what it is.
Bluechew.com.
All right?
Make sure you use the offer code flagrant.
That's how we're doing it.
I love you.
Let's get back to the show.
Van.
Yes. You are from the great state of Louisiana. code flagrant that's how we're doing it i love you let's get back to the show van yes you were
from the great state of louisiana yes baton rouge you grew up in the hometown of the tigers lsu baby
oh shit you maybe went to LSU. Yes. You
happened to be a huge fan of the Tigers.
I am.
You watched the game.
I did.
You feel good about this?
Feel good about what?
About the Tigers victory?
Fucking right.
Of course I do.
Why?
I feel like there's an anvil
about to drop on my head.
I don't know. I don't know. Because he I feel like there's an anvil about to drop on my head. I don't know.
I don't know.
Because he's talking like an immigrant.
You like tigers?
No, it was a big fucking huge deal.
Obviously in Baton Rouge, man,
really in South Louisiana,
Louisiana period,
that's the biggest fucking shit we got.
Bro, my cousin lives in Shreveport.
I'm there all the time.
It's like a professional team to them.
That's all they got.
Oh, they got the Saints.
Saints and the Tigers.
Like a professional team?
It is, I guess, a professional team.
It is.
100,000 people in the stadium going crazy.
So much of the fucking economy of the state.
So much of the pride and the sense of self has to do.
I'm going to be honest with you.
Not to overstate the importance of sports, but there's a chance that integration happens
slower in the South, if not for college football.
Because Alabama goes and plays SC, right?
They get worked by SC, Charles Rogers and them.
When they come back, Bear Bryant is now like,
I got to get some black guys.
I was on a bus.
You know what I mean?
And so college football, because as much as we talk about, like,
the differences of people in the South,
the culture is largely homogenous.
Dude.
We eat the same thing.
We worship the same God.
Especially in South Louisiana, everything's really the same.
The one indicator that separates us is race.
And so everybody's fucking white.
I worship the same God.
Oh, my.
I mean, black and white people.
I mean, black and white people.
That is some shit black and white people but like that is some shit
that is some shit
black and white people do
is we think nobody else is here
I mean
no
I got it
in Baton Rouge
it was really
yo is that Indian dude
still the senator
or the governor of Louisiana
Bobby Jindal
Bobby Jindal
I don't know
shouts to my man though
you know I was thinking about
what the fuck
what just happened
you know Bobby Jindal
all these Indians hate him
because they say he's whitewashed.
He converted to Christianity
and then he named his kid Bobby.
But it's like a bunch of woke warriors
with white significant others.
And it's like,
you're just going to marry a kid
and they're going to be half white
and you're probably going to name him
some shit like Bobby.
So why are you so mad at this guy?
Ooh.
You know what I mean?
I just don't see where the big deal is.
Spicy.
No.
How do we feel about the woke warrior?
Oh, this is a good conversation
with you guys here.
You know,
because you both
have married black.
I'm not married.
Yes?
No.
Black, yeah.
I kept it in the culture.
You kept it in the culture.
But also,
isn't she Swedish or something?
No, she's Sudanese.
But like from Sweden?
She grew up in Sweden.
Grew up in Sweden.
Okay, so close.
So what you're saying
is how do you feel about
So what we were going to say is how do you feel about...
So what we were going to say,
how do we feel about the woke warrior with the white wife?
Woke warrior, white wife.
Kind of like Jesse Williams before he broke up with his wife.
Jesse Williams.
Jesse's wife was black.
She was black.
And then he broke up with her.
Jesse was on her with a white wife.
And then he went to...
After he got woke. That's what gets you is getting woke that's why i'm not woke i'm asleep
because once you go woke you go white yeah jesse was with a black lady for a very long time it
didn't work out and now he's with a different black lady oh word i thought he was with minka
kelly that might have happened that might have happened in between i'm not knocking him bro i
would have taken down that i'll be honest with Friday Night Lights. I'll be honest with you. There are a lot of people that think that it matters and there's a correlation.
You went back to Fox?
No, I'm not.
I said, are there some white women around here?
I said, I said, I said.
This is my reality.
This is my thing.
I don't think that it really matters that much. I do
think that rightly so, it
takes down your credibility with the sisters.
And it should.
It should take down your credibility.
Alex knows.
Alex knows.
What do the sisters say to you, Alex?
You're going to be less effective as
a woke warrior or whatever if
you don't have black women with you because they're the biggest power base and the most loyal power base.
And also the most motivated.
The most motivated.
Because niggas don't do shit.
And a lot of times.
Niggas don't do shit.
You need women to be like, let's do this.
And then guys are like, oh, yeah.
Well, you need them to always hold it down because they're the ones really to have the energy.
You want to go march?
There's some pussy there.
Exactly.
In 2020, you need women to be the driving force.
It's all history.
Just women nagging.
That's the only reason men get shit done.
What up?
Let me just shut this bitch up right quick.
God damn.
Fair or unfair, if you give for a lot of sisters.
Shit. They call him Nick. For a lot of sisters. And it's got shit.
Look at the camera one time.
Just stare at it, Joe.
Oh, son.
Mom loves him.
We get a flagrant today, boys.
My man got thirsty off of that line.
So TMZ, huh?
We good.
Okay, go on.
Go on.
No, I'm just saying,
for them,
they're going to look at that and see that as a symbol
that you ascended
and once you ascended,
you saw a new part of the world
and that part of the world
no longer included black ladies.
I can't speak for all sisters, I never
would, but a lot of them
see things that way. I think that's different than getting
famous and getting a white person.
I think it looks, if you're gonna be
woke, don't you need to be about it? Don't you
need to be the foremost motherfucker? If you're gonna speak on
it and try to change people, shouldn't you be
the motherfucker that's the most about what you're
talking about? But what are you speaking on?
Black pride, my pride in my race, it's it was important to have a brown wife because it's like oh it definitely is important because you have to build communities and part of the family
has been at the same time and i don't think it just takes away your credibility from with with
women i think any dude who's kind of skeptical is like this motherfucker talking all this shit
and the most important person in his life. I get it.
I get it.
To me, I understand that.
I understand the skepticism when somebody marries interracially.
At the same time, though, you do not want to penalize somebody for falling in love.
You want to try to.
What you want to try to do.
That's the gayest shit I ever heard, yo.
I mean, it's just real.
That shit is facts.
Hey, sit up in that box, yo.
Facts. It's just real. You don't want. Hey, sit up in that box, yo. Facts.
It's just real.
You don't want to penalize somebody for falling in love.
But the reality is that when you see somebody and they've married outside of their race
or whatever, you side-eye them.
It looks weird.
But not in general.
You're talking about specifically for people who are cultural leaders of a Black Pride
movement.
Yeah, cultural leaders of a Black Pride movement.
Not your random...
Yes.
Correct. Really, to be honest with you, movement. Not your random... Yes. No, no, no.
Really, to be honest with you,
be happy, do whatever you want to do,
but there's a natural inclination to be like,
oh, it's kind of interesting.
Because...
But I don't like...
I really wish that people were able to live their lives
and do whatever they wanted to do.
So do I.
But I also think it takes time to fall in love, right?
We act like falling in love is this...
Instant.
Instant thing, especially for a dude it's not so you are investing time in this person right you're investing emotion you're
investing love you're taking all that time emotion and love that you could be investing
in that group of people that you you are supporting and investing in another group
i just can't tell i can can't tell Harry Belafonte
that it,
like,
at the end of his life,
fucking,
I just,
I can't.
I don't know anything about that guy.
Is there another guy?
I don't know.
What?
I can't tell Rick Gaines,
like.
Harry Belafonte,
like,
he was on the front lines
of the civil rights movement.
He's saying he doesn't know enough
about his personal life.
But I don't know enough
about Harry Belafonte.
How about this?
At the end of his life, Frederick Douglass married a white woman.
Damn.
Let's go, Fred.
Let's go, Fred.
So you can't, like, to me, you can't tell.
Let me just say.
Frederick, like, you can't besmirch the name of Frederick Douglass.
Hold on.
Frederick Douglass marrying a white woman is a much greater.
At the end of his life.
At the end.
Still, much greater flex than anybody
dating a white woman
right now
back then
yeah
to me that tells me
you really have to like
white women
how much does she weigh
I don't know
because you think
she's probably
did he get a fat
a fat white woman
did he start that trend
fat was probably a big deal
fat was probably desired
back in the day
because it means
you had less food
oh shit
back when people
were starving
so he's a fucking
trendsetter
yo
all I'm saying is that that's the original yacht before we fuck over Frederick Doug fucking trendsetter all I'm saying is that
before we fuck over Frederick Douglass and this motherfucker
all I'm saying is that you can't really look at him
and say that anything that he did
was invalid
because it was before the white woman
like you said
nobody's going yo late in life
Freddie D was really dropping
some bars
you know what I'm saying
What people would say was that
Everything that he was saying
Maybe he didn't really mean it
Maybe it invalidates everything that he had done
While secretly he had self hate or anything like that
He was taking down white bitches during that whole time
Please believe that
He might have been
He must have been the most popular one.
Yo.
I don't know.
Imagine that.
Yo.
I fucked Frederick Douglass.
Frederick Douglass, man.
There's some old grandma said.
Guy sat down there with Lincoln.
You think he walked in that White House, he didn't walk out with something?
I also think the equality Frederick Douglass is fighting for is a little different than
the equality we fight for.
Frederick Douglass is like, hey, man, can we please just stop working for free?
Can we stay here?
Can we go home?
Literally, the question was, do we stay or go home?
Like, that was the meeting with Lincoln.
Look, I mean, look, obviously things were worse.
But fighting for your piece of America is fighting for your piece of America.
I mean, and you got gotta be vigilant about it no matter
what time period you're doing it.
Oh man, it's just
a wild concept
because I feel like what you said, I feel like people
should be free to love who they want
to love, but also
there is a marketing element
to whenever you're trying to do a social
push, and that's bad
marketing, man. Just know that they to look at you in a crazy way.
Yeah.
The way that it goes.
You better be one charismatic son of a bitch.
Just know that they're going to.
Question.
You're a mom.
You see eating a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich.
It's turkey bacon.
Nah.
I'm just going to assume.
It's bacon, bacon.
You're with him.
And he orders bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich.
And then you go.
Oh turkey bacon.
And he goes.
No, no, no, turkey, bacon. And he goes, no, no, no.
Bacon, bacon.
What do I do?
What is the move?
Do you have a little less respect for what he's talking about?
Yeah.
I mean, yeah. Like, to me, if you're a religious leader, like, my standards that I don't even hold to, I apply to you because you're supposed to be the best of us.
It's between you and God.
A lot of this stuff. But what's the closest thing to God on this earth? The black woman. So I'll give you a great example. to be the best of us. It's between you and God. A lot of this stuff.
What's the closest thing to God on this earth?
I'll give you a great example.
You know what I'm saying?
I didn't see where you were going with that.
So how you going to besmirch or whatever that word you use,
I pretend to know what it meant.
How you going to besmirch?
Besmirch?
Besmirch.
Besmirch?
Yeah, besmirch.
Sign.
We just sell merch bro
I didn't know that there's
Bismurch
What the fuck is smurch
That's the next thing
Yeah but who's smurch though
If you bismurch somebody
Don't somebody gotta be smurch
Before that
Yo
Who is smurch
What's that dis-smurch
What's bismurch
What's a smurch
Hey bro
What's the etymology
Of this word bro
Smurch
I don't know man
We'll be smirching, folks.
I'm about to smirch that.
I'm blown away by the last 30 seconds.
The breakdown, the smirch, like that.
We delved into a level of...
You look.
Damage the reputation of someone.
There is no smirch.
So if you smirch, do you uplift the reputation of that person no no
but it's not a it's not an it's not yeah it doesn't mean it's the opposite what does it mean
beside myself means be so alongside so smirch discredit to discredit oh don't smirch it's just
you being fancy for no reason smirch is never fucking used
I've never heard smurch used
We need to start using smurch
That's what I'm saying
Y'all out here marrying different
You know
Don't put that on me
Stop being extra
It's smurch
Stop smurching bro
I'm right here
Listen
From now on
I think that we should all agree
That we
I think we should all marry black women I we, I think we should all marry black women.
I like that.
I think we should all date black women.
I think that's a good idea.
Okay.
And I'm going to be.
Uplift the sisters.
Andrew, in 2020, what are you going to do for the sisters?
I'm going to smirch me a black woman.
You're going to smirch her?
No, you're not going to smirch her.
You're not going to smirch one.
Smirching would be bad.
That's a long side.
I'm going to be smirched with a black woman.
Smirching would be bad.
That's to make dirty. What? That's what smirch means. I smirched With a black woman Smirching would be bad That's to make dirty
What?
That's what smirch means
I thought it says alongside
No
No
Be smirched
Black smirch
No
No
What are you gonna do
For the sisters in 2020?
Be smirched
Sound like a young rapper
Be smirched bro
You got that new be smirched
That mixtape is fire
You ain't seen that?
Y'all
20 seconds after this drops
Some nigga's gonna name his name B-Smurfs.
Yo, B-Smurfs.
B-Smurfs.
His commitment to a bit is fucking B-E-E-N-S-MURFS.
Hey, it's not a bit.
Hey, bro, you can be out here with your turkey bacon.
I'm loyal to black women.
That's why he's the host of Essence Fest every year.
I'm hosting Essence Fest for the third time in a row.
I would love to see it.
You'd miss the last two,
obviously.
Where you been?
Where you been at?
What fest you been at?
I haven't been there
Maybe you should take
a girl's trip van
down to Essence Fest.
You been at the Cosmopolitan Fest?
What white woman
magazine festivals
have you been attending?
Elle Claire?
Marie Claire?
The Vogue Fest?
I'm out here at Essence, okay?
Smirching.
Smirching.
Smirching at Essence every fucking year.
Fucking tons of different shit.
Tons of different shit.
Listen, I'm there.
I'm in it.
Were you there?
No, you taking trips to Sweden.
Sweden.
Do you know what I mean?
You going to Sweden.
You going on vacation to Sweden.
Smirching white bitches. Smirching white bitches.
Smirching white bitches.
Some of us
out there with black women.
What do you do?
Smirching white bitches.
Smirch white girls.
Smirch somebody.
Smirching.
Giving them that
Freddie D.
Real talk, guys.
Seriously, man.
We have a responsibility.
Hey. You know what I mean
The sisters
The sisters deserve
Strong brothers
Yes they do
What is that
What is that
On your chain right there
What is that
Domino
Right
What number
It's on the chain
It's 12
It's 12
What does that stand for
Cops
That's right
Okay Okay Not only Not only cops 12 chain is 12 it's 12 what does that stand for cops that's right okay okay we went deep not only not
only cops 12 12 tribes of israel oh shit jewish not into black women what i tell you bro what i
tell you bro that's another chain star david that's a star david and another star David? Oh my God, bro. This is the fuck with the stars.
That's a sheriff's badge.
That's a sheriff's badge?
I feel besmirched.
I feel besmirched.
Smirch is fucked.
You smirching.
You undercover cop.
You undercover cop.
Is Van short for vanilla?
What the fuck is happening around here?
This right here is actually for the five percenters.
He said it's short for policeman.
Tut Van.
What is happening?
Van.
Smurfs is fun.
I feel besmirched, bro.
I do.
I feel you, bro.
I feel besmirched.
I'm just regular smurfs, but I'm with it, though.
You feel me?
You're not all the way be smurfs, but you're regular smurfs.
I'm not ready to add that extra syllable. You just smurfs? But I'm smurfs.irch, but I'm with it, though. You feel me? You're not all the way B-smirch, but you're regular smirch. I'm not B-smirch. I'm not ready to add that extra syllable.
You just smirch?
But I'm smirch.
Not after hearing all these things.
I'm not as pro-black as you, but I do feel a little bit smirch.
It's different because I'm a black man.
Yeah, obviously.
Right.
You're not.
No.
You're a brown man.
Correct.
My name is Andrew.
Right.
Do you know what that stems from?
What does that stem from?
How many letters are in Andrew?
I don't know.
Six.
Six letters. Right. Okay. How many letters are in Andrew? I don't know. Six. Six letters.
Right.
Okay.
How many days did God work?
Six.
Seven.
Six.
Took the last day off.
Oh, that's true.
Even God rested.
Child of God.
First people.
Or, or, or.
No, no, no.
The black man is God.
What'd I say
the first people are?
The chosen people.
What'd I say
the first people are?
The black man.
That's what I'm saying.
So right.
So by that rationale, anybody with six letters in their name is black.
Depends which letters.
Some letters count for two.
Some letters count for two.
How many letters you have in your name?
I got six.
No, you don't because multiple letters are repeated.
Oh, word.
You right about it.
So how many letters you really got?
Five.
Four.
Four. Four Four How many arms
Does Vishnu have
Oh shit
That's what I'm saying
Stay woke
Third eye
Okay
You know what the funny thing is
The funny thing is
The funny thing is
See how easy it is
To be one of these motherfuckers
That's what I'm about to say
He's bullshitting
But you meet niggas
In the barber shop
That sell you shit
Like that All the time.
And God bless them, man.
God bless them.
Ain't shit you can say.
God bless them.
Where is Kyrie right now?
Yo, can you explain?
Kyrie probably would be getting off on some shit like this.
Can you explain?
Kyrie's the only nigga in the world right now that's believing what Andrew's saying.
Kyrie's with me.
He's going to go to press with it tomorrow.
In a condescending way.
I have two questions.
Basketball questions. One. Kyrie Madwell probably ain't fucking nobody. with it tomorrow in a condescending way I have two questions basketball questions
one
Harry Madwell
probably ain't fucking
nobody
yo when did Lonzo Ball
join the Flaming Army
by the way
I'm like who the fuck is this
yo yo
can I have
can y'all let my goatee rock
son
yo can y'all let my goatee
rock for a second bro
and she's like
your goatee look like
Amin's hair son
son
I'm doing my best.
I don't have facial hair, bro.
I'm trying.
You know, I'm really trying.
Are we dressed as Confederate soldiers?
Look like a union because you weren't blue.
Ah, that's right.
Facts.
Thank you for knowing our history.
And it's a good thing you learned it to get that citizenship.
Don't think that just comes free.
You don't have it?
You didn't get the citizenship?
ESPN out here hiring illegals?
I didn't say I'm illegal.
I'm just saying I'm not a citizen.
You got that green card?
Are you an alien of extraordinary capability or whatever?
That's what I am.
That's exactly what I am.
That's what my mom is.
How are you up on that?
It's common knowledge.
Son, that's how he's going to get more of his white women into the country.
That's how we're going to say it, yo.
Stop that.
Yeah, let's talk about that.
What is that?
What?
The alien of extraordinary ability.
I love him some foreign white women.
I love him some foreign white women.
Is that the key to a strong hairline? Bro, they don't have you stressing. I'll tell you that shit'm going to white him. Is that the Keto Strong hairline?
Bro, they don't have you stressing.
I'll tell you that shit.
Like white women just...
Son, I put Alex in a bid.
I didn't name him,
but I was trying to complain
about relationship shit with him.
He was with a white girl at the time,
and I was like,
yo, don't you hate when your girl come
yelling at you for no fucking reason,
blah, blah, blah.
They in a bad mood all day
taking it out on you,
fighting all the time.
He was like, no.
Hold on, wait for this. He goes,
my girl doesn't believe in conflict.
What? I said, what the fuck is that?
You with a white chick, Alex?
I used to be. Always.
Okay. Not always. Can I just ask
a question that's completely unrelated to Alex's
current situation completely and entirely
unrelated?
People from the country of Spain.
What color are they?
White
Al what color would you consider them?
They're Spanish
Oh Alex
Alex
Let's not get infected with dumb nigga disease
Like Alex
Those are Caucasians
If you want to fuck them fuck them but they're Caucasians
Those people are white those people are white
Come on man
Those people are white
I'm telling you
Come on man
Those people
You think because they speak a different
What the fuck
Like why like
Like
I know
He's heartbroken
Bro I hate shit like that bro
I know
Cause that used to be
Back in the day
How dare he waste that hairline
On some white women bro
That's how he kept it
Bro
Yeah you right
Those are white people
My bad my bad
That's the trick
Son
Jordan No he got a great Oh fuck That's how he kept it Bruh Yeah you right Those are white people My bad my bad That's the trick Son Jordan
No he got a great
Oh fuck
That's an observation
Yo
What
He
Yo Amin just had a great observation
The way he worded it
Was a little crazy
He's like
He's like black women
Will steal your hairline
And I didn't think
You had to put a steal in there
You know what I mean
But he said
Did you say black women
Will steal your hairline
They said
What did you say
Jordan
LeBron, Amin.
Son, who are the black guys that got their hair still?
That have their hair still.
You know who has a great hairline?
Al.
Spanish women.
Kyrie.
Never seen a black girl.
Whole boat full of white chicks.
Whole boat full of white chicks.
Karl-Anthony Towns.
Karl-Anthony Towns. Strong hairline. I don't know. He looks like he loves white women. Whole boat full of white chicks. Carl Anthony Towns. Carl Anthony Towns.
I don't know.
OJ?
OJ?
Joel Embiid?
Joel Embiid?
I don't think sisters, but look, all the players we're talking about, though.
What are they saying?
Man, look.
What are they saying, bro?
I mean, you're going to let them hate on the sisters like this, bro? What's up, son? He's married to a sister
I love the sisters man
No you love one
I'm okay
Okay I mean
Getting flagrants
But in all seriousness
All the great things that come with a black women woman the love
the support the food the food the strength right the titties right what i mean all the beautiful
things that come with them right right the color the bottom of their feet how it's a little different
in the top and you put lotion in it a nice contrast contrast this was a mistake no like like all the things but man i'll give you a hundred dollars right now if you
smash all this this was a mistake because like come on finish your shit what i'm saying is
sisters we love you with everything the amazing things that the sisters bring just like everything
in life for greatness there's a cost right for as great as jordan was he had to gamble he had to do
those things so he could balance the ecosystem maybe the balance of the ecosystem for the black
woman is your hairline there has to be a source for all that energy that they bring and give
that's their tesseract is your hairline is your hairline so what you're saying so what you're
saying is that they essentially of your power of your hairline.
Was Samson black?
Samson, of course he was black.
Everyone in the Bible was black.
And then what happened?
Then he lost his hair.
To what?
To whom?
A woman.
And the guy in the Bible that wasn't black and married a Jewish woman was who?
You lost me there.
Jesus.
Shut up, man.
Gray hair.
Jesus was black. He was black. Jesus was cel man Grey hair Jesus is black He was black
Jesus was celibate
Jesus didn't have no
Jesus had no babies
And he kept his hair
So even if he was black
Mary Magdalene tried
He's like
No
He's like
Get the fuck out of here
I got this hair
I ain't losing no hair
On you bitch
You can do me like Samson
Son
This is
Jesus was black
I'll cut that much out
That's the only part
You're gonna confirm
That's the only part I'm gonna be fucking with Jesus was black But he decided up that much out That's the only part You're gonna confirm That's the only part
I'm gonna be fucking with
Boom Jesus was black
But he decided not to be
With any black women right
He was mostly men
Kind of
Atlanta
Jesus felt true to it though
Instead of getting with a white girl
He was like just no girl
I think Jesus was from Atlanta
When you really think about
So
So
What black guy you know
Cooked that much
Hang out with nine
Fucking dudes
All the goddamn time?
I wish you hadn't fucking reiterated.
I wish you'd just let us sit there.
Whatever, bro.
It is what it is.
You know what I mean?
Sometimes shit need to be repeated.
Twice on Sunday.
All I'm saying is, listen, it is, I think it's a small cost to pay for a black woman.
That's just me.
Are y'all hiring, by the way?
What?
I'm not going to have a job after this.
Bro, we don't hire black people.
You got Alex.
That's the one.
I'm Puerto Rican.
I'm Puerto Rican.
And Kaz.
Of course we hire black people.
They're cheaper.
No, I'm joking.
Y'all got to pay him like 60%.
Never again.
So while you're here, you I can't fucking keep up I'm trying to. To be honest with you, I can't fucking keep up.
I'm trying to defend the sisters.
Now I'm trying to defend Jesus.
Which one do you do?
It's like it's a lot. I'll tell you which one.
Tell me.
The sisters.
That's what I said, yo.
Jesus can handle himself.
You're not going to see Jesus in the street.
You see Jesus in the street all the time?
You see Jesus in your yard.
Don't you have a yard?
Jesus is everywhere.
Hey, you know where you see Jesus?
Why would Jesus be in my yard?
He's cutting the grass Who you
Who you
Who you
Ben is boxed in
Ben is boxed in
In Phoenix In Arizona Boxed in, son. Man, it's boxed in.
Son, in Phoenix?
Whoa.
In Arizona?
In Arizona?
Oh, my God.
Do you know what I mean?
I mean, don't tap out now, nigga.
You was with him 10 minutes ago.
That was the breaking point, motherfucker?
Because his name is probably Jesus.
That's why.
Right. That's why. Right.
That's why you sound convicted over there, my nigga.
What's going on?
Is that really McAllen's 21 over there?
Yo, you want a little drink?
You want a little drink? I'm driving in the drink.
Yo, that McAllen, that 21-year McAllen, that's some good.
Is it really?
It is good.
Come on, son.
You want some of that?
That's straight from Russia.
That's half the budget right there.
Son, how much I told you this place cost?
Wait, this isn't like you poured it out and poured something else in there, is it?
No, this is straight up.
For real?
Straight from a strip club in Russia.
For real?
Yeah.
For real?
Yeah.
Van, would you like some?
No, I'm good, my man.
Okay.
Akash, you're not.
Do we defile you again? No, thank you good, my man. Okay. Akash, you're not... Do we defile you again?
No, thank you.
Yeah, I saw that.
Yo.
I used to come to peer pressure, man.
No, he didn't think it was weed.
It was CBD.
Turns out there was THC in it.
Yeah, that's...
What?
But like more than you would think.
I thought it was like 30 to 1 or whatever.
This shit is good.
I'm just saying I'm embarrassed to even have this
why
because that's really
fancy stuff
and I feel like
I'm just fucking around
having this
that's when you have it
yo
come on son
he was gonna put that
in coffee
I'd almost put it
in coffee
do you know
what type of coffee
was in espresso
regular coffee
how about the intensity
though
what was that intensity
that intensity was 6
oh shit
yeah
that's that good
that's virtuoso
yo
yo
like
what
I missed it
this is some
dork ass thing
we're both laughing
at
fucking Nespresso
pod
oh my god
okay
George Clooney
need to pay
pay some money
this guy appropriates
some cultures
when he want to
make some money on beverages right
Casamigos
Nespresso
George Clooney
Are we okay with that guys
I don't give a fuck
Also he appropriated his wife
Oh yo he sure did from y'all
And us he got both of us with that one
Wait a minute what is she
Middle Eastern Muslim
Lebanese Muslim or Lebanese Muslim
Or Lebanese Christian I think she's Muslim
I'm not sure I don't keep
Close enough to me I'll be all right
All right we're gonna stop pacing bill for a second
I just want to let you know something look at my hair
You see that full head of hair you see how I've
Kept my hair you can do that
With keeps okay I've been using
The active ingredients and keeps way before
I even knew keeps was a company. Okay. I'm about this. I'm invested in this. Nobody paid me to do this. I
was paying to do this before this company existed. I'm telling you, it's real. I'm telling you,
it's helped me. I noticed my hair thinning. A lot of you have heard this story, but I noticed my
hair thinning. I was like, we're not going to do that. I got on the active ingredient that's in keeps and my hair came back. Now, if you're completely bald, okay, nothing we
could do for you. All right. But if you notice it thinning, right, we can help you bounce back.
Okay. If you feel like it's about to go, we could maintain where you are right now. It's about catching it early.
I'm telling you it works.
If you don't believe it works, then you're not opening your eyes and looking at me right now.
It's as simple as that.
Keeps.
You go to keeps.com slash flagrant.
And you can get deals to keep your hair for as low as $10 a month.
Matter of fact, you go right now, I think you're going to get that first month free.
Do I think?
No, I know.
That's a pretty good deal to keep your hair.
Free to keep your hair?
Hmm?
Hmm?
Hmm?
Keep your money in your hair?
This company likes you to keep stuff.
Anyway, go to Keeps.
K-E-E-P-S dot com slash flagrant.
Go keep your hair, man.
I'm telling you, there's one sign that a man is aging well,
and that sign is being rich. But the other one is keeping your hair.
Okay? So both those things help you out. And not everybody listening to this is rich,
let's be honest. But you can have a full head of hair. Okay? You got a full head of hair,
hard dick. What you got to complain about? Full head of hair, hard dick? Take over the world with
a full head of hair and a hard dick. Jeff Bezos can't have a full head of hair, hard dick. Take over the world with a full head of hair and a hard dick.
Jeff Bezos can't have a full head of hair and a hard dick.
You can't.
You don't think he would want to?
If he had the opportunity?
Looking back?
Huh?
We might not have Amazon Prime, you know,
but that man was still looking his prime.
That's what's important.
So go out there.
Keep your hair. All right? Keeps.com slash flagrant. Go get it. Let go out there, keep your hair.
All right?
Keeps.com slash flagrant.
Go get it.
Let us know how it works for you.
Peace.
Let's get back to the show.
Son, I'm doing more days of Ramadan this year.
Are you?
Yeah.
This is a great time to have this conversation.
Like when I first started drinking, thanks.
I'm doing... Hi, Mom.
What?
No, it's just like...
Your mom ain't no patron.
How do you know? Because I know immigrant moms are stingy. Oh, son. What? No, it's just like this. Mom ain't no patron. How do you know?
Because I know immigrant moms are stingy.
What are you talking about?
No, we're releasing this one.
This one got to be out there in the world.
This one got to be out there in the world, bro.
The Macallan kick in?
Would you like?
No, I'm good, my man.
Are you sure?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Now, I want to say anything you would regret.
I always get like really.
No.
What?
Do you not drink or what's up?
I'm about to drink right now
Because I got places to be
That's some real good shit man
I don't fuck with scotch like that
But this one is not scotch
This is a thousand dollar bottle of scotch
This right here that I'm holding
Probably is a hundred dollars
Are you drinking?
He doesn't drink he's never done it in his life
I want you to just try a sip of it.
Nah.
Are you doing a dry January shit?
I'm not doing a dry anything.
I just, at this point, I'm not going to drink it.
Huh?
Where are you going?
Some place I need to be clear-headed.
But this isn't for your clear head.
This is not going to be clear-headed.
This is, honestly, in my personal experience, you take one sip.
You know why I'm not going to try it now?
Why not? Because it now why not
because
it's too much
of a fucking thing
it's not a thing
to me
I'll be honest with you
Van in my life
this is the closest thing
I've had to a black woman
you've never had a black woman
you've never been
with a black girl
no liquid wise
oh so liquid wise
if you could liquefy
a black woman
it would be McAllen 12
yeah exactly
21
I used to like
only date black women
the 21 is like the age of the show
Yeah it's the age of the thing
So like the one you usually see at a bar is an 8
Do you want to just have a sip and just try it?
I'm not going to drink it
Really?
On God
Wow
Wow
In some cultures that's really disrespectful
The host offers you a drink
But is it in this culture?
I mean I don't know
Alhamdulillah
They get fired and I'm going to hell But is it in this culture? I mean, I don't know. Alhamdulillah.
There you go, man. If you're fired, then I'm going to hell.
If you're drunk, I'm going to track you home.
There you go.
There you go, G.
Okay, now, Van's ferociously looking at his phone,
so I think that means he might have to.
Do you have to go somewhere?
No, I'm just making sure that we don't have enough time
because I don't know how to get around out here.
We'll get you there.
Where do you need to be?
Actually, don't say, but Manhattan or Brooklyn?
Jersey.
Jersey.
You're going to need a little extra time to get over there.
What time do you have to be there?
It'll be fine.
It'll be fine.
Okay.
Because the ride is on its way then and I'll jump in and do it.
Perfect.
You let us know.
Yeah.
Back to what we said because I want to talk about the things that, well, I don't know how many things you can talk about that you have going on right now.
It seems like there's things in motion, but you're not announcing just yet.
Yeah.
I want to announce it like we're all good.
We know where we're going.
Okay.
So maybe we stay away from that.
But things are good in the Van Lathan world.
People are curious.
People ask me.
Sure.
Okay.
Things are good in the Van Lathan world.
It seems like you're maybe for the first time in your professional career deciding to do what you truly want to do.
Just want to be able to carve out what the world looks like for you personally.
Not really for, you know.
You were saying this to me earlier.
Yeah, you plug and play.
You had TMZ, you just plug and play, whatever.
But now you have more freedom to go.
Can I ask y'all something?
Because I really appreciate the entrepreneurial spirit you guys struck out on your own and everything.
Was there ever a time where you were like I don't
know what I want to do?
Like I
know I want to do something on my own. I
don't know what that is. No.
You've always had a clear idea of what you wanted
to do. Since I've been in comedy.
I think as we found the things we loved
Schultz took a much bigger chance on this obviously.
This is his. He paid for this.
I don't know if he's told you.
It's very expensive.
Has he?
Yeah, I don't know if he's mentioned it.
It's very expensive.
It costs a lot of money.
But I know when I was going broke.
Even that chair, that's West Elm.
It's not cheap.
It's not cheap.
But you got to take chances if you want to.
My living room set is from West Elm.
That's right.
Because you make real money.
That's Disney.
For now.
That's the mouse.
The mouse.
I want to hear your answer first.
Mouse don't play.
What you mean? Like knowing what it is you want to do i think more for me i know who i want to be and and knowing who i
want to be guides me into the things that are right for me and wrong for me and you feel the
same way yeah i just know yeah kind of what i i have an idea what i want to do i don't know the
exact thing but i know when we started this i was like this is this is yeah this is the thing so everything else even as I'm going broke
I know this thing will eventually pay off this is what it is comedy right I'm struggling whatever
but I know this is the thing this is what it is this is what's best for me and you're being humble
with struggling and just to clarify like I think what happens at least what happened to me is it's
almost like uh the lily pad shit like you have one thing you want to do and then as you approach that thing other things present themselves so i you want to do yeah also
people people see your once people get a a sense of your skill set they have other things for you
that you might not thought of before this is what i'll you truly want them sometimes you do sometimes
you don't like like what like i remember watching some Red Pill, right?
And then seeing certain episodes of the Red Pill where I was like, oh shit, Van is doing
what he really wants to do.
And then seeing other episodes of the Red Pill where I was like, oh, he's a proficient
interviewer, but that's not, he's not having the most joy he's ever had.
Is that a fair assessment?
No, not of the Red Pill.
I think every single episode of the red pill I ever did,
I found some way to engage.
Not saying you weren't engaged.
But listen, what I mean is this.
If you're looking at it,
talking about what's naturally in my wheelhouse,
you can make that assessment because you know me.
But just because something's not in my wheelhouse
or it's not something that I talk about all the time
doesn't mean that I can't be interested in it.
And I think part of the red pill...
No, dude, it'd be episodes where you were talking about like...
One, it could be about like something super racial
and then it could be talking about like porn
when you were talking to...
And both of them were great
because I felt like you were so engaged
and you were curious.
And focused and...
100% like locked in.
But yeah,
but that's because
race and porn
are the two things
I've devoted my life to.
So let me say this.
You were all,
oh man,
I'm so glad
we brought this.
So hold on for a second.
So because of that,
when you see me,
I'm going to really
get excited
about that entire deal.
But that doesn't mean
that the other things
I'm not excited to discuss.
It sounds like you should take the blue pill.
Let me tell you some shit.
I listened to your not.
It wasn't your podcast.
It was Jamel's podcast when she interviewed you.
And when you started talking about porn, I was like, man, me and Van have a lot in common.
What do you guys go for?
Just the no just the like the
consumption pattern like i was like oh shit i thought i was the only one that's like you're
not the only one my brother oh man wait wait what's the consumption he'd have to tell you i
don't know what what do you like he was basically saying there was a point in time when you when you
gained a lot of weight oh it was porn all day long. It was literally. Oh, Jesus Christ, bro.
Porn and Madden is what you said.
Porn and Madden.
It was porn and Madden.
I remember actually.
Either way, you're playing with a joystick.
Exactly.
I remember challenging myself.
Your dick will get sore.
And you used to be like, buddy, I want you to know we're going again. I thought I was the only one. It's the fourth quarter, buddy. we're going again. It's not the time.
I thought I was the only one.
It's the fourth quarter, buddy.
We're going again.
I felt like Denzel with fucking Jesus Shuttlesworth.
Yeah, don't get tired.
Don't get tired.
Run it again.
And sometimes it's almost like you're negotiating with your dick.
Because you weren't even thinking about jacking off.
But you're sitting down and all of a sudden, thong song video
pops up. Well, nigga, wake up.
You know what I'm saying? We on.
But at that point, it was unhealthy. Now,
you use your porn. It's a little different. But at that
point... Wait, what makes you healthy now?
How many times would you guys do tops in a day?
That I bust a nut off porn?
Bro, I don't know, dog. It's a lot.
Like four?
Four? more than four
you sweet poor child
four
four
six
I might get four
in three hours
I can tell you
hold on
double digits
I took
it got close
like I probably
like it was
bruh
that's impressive
bruh
I'm gonna be real with you
it was
it was literally like
it was literally like you wake up,
you cut the mat and on, you
boot the computer up, right? And then
it's updates to sites and the shit
that's pumping in.
The thing with my porn is I'm not the guy who just goes on porn.
I have memberships. I want it
directly to consumers.
I want the highest 4K
quality shit
that I could get.
I want it to, you know what?
I don't want my streaming speed to control my nut.
I want to be able to go right to the spot.
So let me throw something back at you.
I don't like, I don't know what the count is.
More than 10?
I don't know.
I honestly don't know.
I know four is ridiculously low.
Four is like blowing away basketball.
Probably eight?
At least eight?
At least eight.
Maybe a 12?
Maybe a 12.
Wow.
Do you know at the end, you're not shooting anything.
You came and just had air?
It just does this little thing.
I remember the first.
Dog, I remember.
Crystal clear.
I remember.
Wait a minute. I remember crystal clear in my mind going oh shit nothing came out
there's no way well maybe a little bit you know how much sperm you make a day i get it
i'm telling you you are you gotta push you gotta push You got to push. You got to push. Pass every limit that you know.
I'm going to tell you this.
Let me tell you this.
I reached the point where I detested anything with professional lighting.
Anything with light.
Yeah, because it needs to be real.
I needed that camcorder with the flash on.
I went through phases like that.
I also went through different phases.
That's too much. Anything where they're talking
to them? No. I went through different phases.
Start with them fucking like mid-fuck.
Because he just grabbed his phone
like this.
But like
sometimes, it all depends
though because sometimes you won't. Because the
poor performers, the professional ones,
they're not actually, the sex isn't really real
not in any actual way
but
it's like the NBA of sex
it's like
they are
pros at it
yes
so a lot of this shit
that they're doing
is really
just
performative
for us
for us
it's not for them
and they'll tell you that
when you know them
they'll
like some of the porn stars
that you'll talk to
they'll talk about
the differing companies.
So certain companies are better to shoot for from a sex standpoint
than other companies are.
And they'll tell you why and they'll tell you how.
And so some of the stuff is just for you.
And it looks good.
It doesn't necessarily mean that it feels good to them.
And sometimes the amateurs don't have those skills.
It's like you need angles and you need differences.
So it just depends on what you're in the mood for.
You know,
it's crazy
because it reminds me
of like music, right?
Some people like
the studio album,
whatever.
You a mixtape guy.
You a mixtape guy.
The Got Slam DVD.
Like the Smack DVD.
They stand in on the corner
and they just going in.
You want that Times Square.
I want that like raw energy.
Don't get me wrong.
Don't get me wrong.
Take it back to the block.
Don't get me wrong. Don't get me wrong.
It is different watching
two people have sex when you know they
really fucking. Yeah, man.
I don't like the overactors.
That's the thing. But also
different performers have different
sort of methodologies.
Wesley Pipes likes to talk. And you don't like
a talker. No, I like Wesley Pipes talking.
Wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait, wait like Wesley Pipes talking. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Wesley Pipes would talk.
He would talk into the scene.
Y'all talking about dudes?
He would talk you out of the scene.
Wesley Pipes is a guy.
Go on, go on.
Wesley Pipes would be fucking a chick and be like, yeah, bitch.
Yeah, bitch.
This dick.
And then he would do something and he would make the girl rethink it.
Because he'd be like, he'd fuck her in the ass and then take it out
and put his dick
in her mouth
and be like,
yeah, bitch,
you like the way
that ass juice tastes?
She'd be like,
yeah, wait, no.
You know what I'm saying?
So like,
he would talk a little bit
too much in the scene.
No, I,
it's always funny to me.
Like, I laugh.
You like that shit, huh?
Yeah, yeah.
So wait,
when you're jerking off,
are you laughing too a little?
There are some times
where I have literally
stopped to laugh.
Oh, he's funny, man.
Because the dude,
he's funny, dog.
He's a funny dude, man. He's funny. He's funny, man. He's funny, dog. He's a funny dude, man.
He's funny.
He's funny, man.
He's funny.
You watch that much porn, Shiltoon.
That's an all-time porn great.
And also, I watched an interview of him one time complaining about never getting invited to the AVNs.
He's mad about not getting the AVNs.
He's right, though, man.
I mean, that's disrespectful.
Why wouldn't you?
AVN's so white, yo.
I did that a couple years ago.
We need a hashtag.
I did that hashtag a couple years ago. AVN's so white. I did that we need a hashtag I did that hashtag
a couple years ago
ABN's so white
really
yeah the ABN's
you are about this life
it was just
it was really
you really combined
two passions again
it was really
just as a joke
but the ABN's people
did not think
that it was funny
really
it was just as a joke
like cause
like some of the people
like
Nat Turner
you're in that world
wait how the fuck did Nat Turner come into this conversation that's a guy's porn name that's a guy's people like Nat Turner. I like how Gann is in this world. You're in that world. Wait, how the fuck did Nat Turner come into this conversation?
That's a guy's porn name.
That's a guy's porn name.
Nat Turner.
It's called Nat Turn Her.
Nat Turn Her.
Look, look, look.
AVN so white, porno so white.
AVN so white.
Oh, this is hilarious.
Keep going though.
So what happened was I would talk to the black porn performers, and it's not a game to them.
Like, their livelihood is really dependent on exposure and awards and all of those things.
And they actually complained to me in a real way.
Van, they would send me shit.
Van, like, nobody.
And I'm like, and when you look at the lists that come out the nomination list
they don't really
shed a light on
the black performance
there's a lot of
black stuff out there
so more than anything
as just like a gag
I started with
I don't think
I started it
but like
I started
hashtagging
AVN So White
and I got a lot
of black porn performers
like yo I appreciate that
thank you
like we need
like we want representation
you black porn performers everybody Like, yo, I appreciate that. Thank you. Thank you. Like, we want representation.
You, black porn performers,
everybody owns it, man.
Son.
No, anyway, but the point is,
they really felt that way in a real way.
But that's wild.
The kingmaker.
It is wild.
Kingmaker.
It is wild, though, like the idea that there is,
that their industry, I mean, I guess it's not that wild,
that every other industry is like this. Yeah, that's what Wesley said.
He said it's kind of crazy
that they actually have politics.
But don't the numbers speak for themselves?
Like, it wouldn't, like,
here's one thing, like,
it's not like Giannis or Harden
is going to win MVP.
Please tell me you guys know porn ratings.
That'd be the best,
if y'all knew the numbers.
I mean, it depends on what you mean.
That's hysterical.
Like, spins or like...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Views? Well, when you go to the's hysterical. Like spins or like... Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many views?
Well, when you go to the porn sites and you're clicking on all the scenes,
they tell you which scenes are the top rated,
which stars are the top rated,
who's the biggest and all that stuff.
Like Pornhub has a ranking.
A ranking of girls and stuff.
You can see like who's been the most popular and all.
I love this.
But yeah, like look, bro,
to be honest with you,
it's like anything else.
Like I watched a lot of porn.
I was searching for new porn.
I found new stars.
I got into different stuff like that.
And after a while you're into it.
But how do you, how do you get into their world though?
I mean, where is that?
Or is that just a fact?
What you mean?
Like to the point where, you know, he looked like he really trying to figure this shit
out.
Like, Hey man, the Tiana Trump is going to come tell me like, yo, she was on the podcast.
We want Tiana Trump.
But that's what I'm saying.
How did you get into that circle? It's one thing to talk about it. But that was Brittany Renner that, that shout on the podcast. We want Tiana Trump on the podcast. But that's what I'm saying. How did you get into that circle?
It's one thing to talk about it.
Well, that was Brittany Renner
that, shout out to Brittany.
Brittany brought Tiana Trump.
But to be honest with you,
I saw Nat playing basketball
at the gym.
Oh, wow.
And in LA, they're everywhere.
What was that thang
looking like in shorts?
Shut the fuck up.
You didn't notice?
Real talk.
You didn't notice?
What was that thang
looking like in shorts?
Was he packing that thang?
He was out there hooping.
He was out there hooping.
Also, it's different in LA, man.
You meet more porn stars.
99% of the world's porn is produced in a San Fernando Vans.
What was that thang?
What was that thang swang?
What were his shorts producing?
That's what we want to know.
Was it hanging out the end?
Van, did you ask him if that's all him?
I didn't, man.
That's my man though.
Shout out to Nat.
Shout out to Nat.
That was a good episode of the Red Pill though.
That was what?
That was a good episode of the Red Pill.
Dude, I'm telling you.
Check out the Red Pill.
And what is the status with Red Pill?
We're probably done with it.
So it might come back in a different type of iteration.
I will come back with a different podcast,
but most likely the Red Pill.
Different name, different format.
Just because of the proximity earlier with TMZ,
you just want to go.
Well, let me put this out here now.
If you ever do, and I'll do it publicly,
so you hold me to it, not like you would need to,
but if you ever want to bring back the Red Pill
or anything of that type of podcast, which I enjoyed, and you want to bring back the red pill or anything of that uh you know type of
podcast which i enjoyed um and you want to do it here at the studio we have studio b i'd be more
than happy to have you do it there what up i'm fucking with that the red pill i mean i'll be
back i feel i feel like van probably enjoys like 60 degree winter days more but thank you for that
you never know where i'll be right all right right I feel like this Maybe he mobile You know what I mean This trip
You never know where I'll be
You know what's funny
This started
With like a career
Question from me
And then it just went
He got so much more
Oh you said there was
Something else
But you don't often see people
Start a conversation
That's really serious
And then be like
Fuck that
Let's talk about porn
No because we've had
This conversation
Off air
With you
And like
Because I've asked I think we've had that same kind of conversation.
What is it you love?
I believe it was like from the first time we actually like chopped it up.
Yep.
We had that conversation.
And however many years later, I'm sitting here and I'm like, I still don't know what that is.
And to me, I like seeing you guys figure it out.
But part of it scares me.
It's like, what if I'm just just what if i'm just built to just
work for somebody for the rest of my life well we all work for somebody yeah but i'm just saying
you know you guys control your own desk obviously you're all getting checks from something right in
some way you control your own destiny in the sense that like you guys said this is something i want
to do so i'm gonna do it as opposed to i will say you're different you're a different situation with kids and a wife yeah i was on talking about i went broke whatever year before
that i was on like six tv shows all mtv yeah i don't think i liked a single one of them right
you do it it's the check it's great money life is good i can still do stand-up whatever but then
when you started doing this even losing the money i, I know like I enjoy this. This will pay off in the long run.
And it's worth it in the end.
Whatever comes with it.
The funny thing to me is that you were on a bunch of TV shows
and I remember when I would say,
oh, I'm going to go,
oh, I'm seeing my buddy Andrew.
People didn't know who you were.
And now you're not on TV at all.
All your stuff is self-made,
self-produced pretty much
and all I hear are people like,
oh my God, that guy, you know him?
How do you know him?
And it's just funny to me
because the conventional wisdom would say,
get with the network, get with the studio,
get doing this and you're the opposite
and part of it is people are enjoying your work
and part of it is people are enjoying your work and part of it is people are enjoying your story yeah and that's a wild part for me i mean you two all you guys like
it's funny to me because i see and i've known you guys before your story became something that
people were gravitating towards yeah and that to me is like the oh oh man, like same thing with Jamel. I remember the first time after Jamel had her whole thing on Twitter, she was still at ESPN.
I saw her at the Black Panther premiere.
And it's her and Mike.
And I'm like, hey, what's up?
And like, I'm just like boasting because I see my friends.
And then Jamel says, yo, I'm sorry.
I just got to say what's up to this person.
And I'm like, oh yeah, go ahead.
And I turn around and standing behind me is Donald Glover
literally waiting to talk to her.
And behind him
was literally a line of black people.
Because this is the Black Panther premiere
all of black Hollywood was out there.
You think Donald Glover was like,
excuse me, Jamel,
there's a white woman behind you.
I would love to be able to talk to her.
Speaking up.
How's his hairline look?
Shit.
Shit. how's his hairline look shit shit so but you know
to me that was the first
tunnel glover great hairline
wow that's a lot of white
bodies
so but anyway so it struck me like at that
moment I was like oh shit like
people are but I'm like she's
the same person she's always been
so what is it that people are but i'm like she's the same person she's always been yes so what is
it that people are gravitating to that they weren't gravitating to i mean you just talked
about this actually like after the kanye thing it people looked at me in a different way exactly
because they they were they you know they got to know you they didn't know you before they didn't
they we knew you you guys you knew jamel right right but but you They didn't know you before You knew Jamel
But the greater people didn't
You know what the real thing about it is
The actual thing about it is
And it's something very simple
It's why people care
Why people are invested into you
If you can stand on a stage
And make people laugh
They automatically care
And if you can do that for long enough and figure out how to...
But he was doing that.
But to me, to me, he was doing it,
but he wasn't putting that foot forward as the real thing that he brings.
He was.
He was doing that and doing a lot of things.
Once that became, yo, I'm one of the funniest people in the world,
let me go out with this and build everything specifically around that.
I feel like things changed.
He could probably tell you better.
I'm not talking about Andrew's life.
What I'm saying is that that right there is a skill.
You can stand on TNZ and you can talk all day long.
People might be like, that's a smart brother.
But once you incite some emotion in them, get some emotion out of them, now they care.
They're invested in you
because you make a bond with them.
Comedians can do that automatically.
I think there's one thing,
if I will say it,
not to cut you,
but I think there's one thing,
which is,
I think it happened with Jamel
and I think it happened with Van
and I think it happened with me
in just different ways.
And I think that like,
I think once you stand for something
that people feel and they resonate with and you stand for publicly in the face of losing a lot.
Take a risk.
Once you take a lot of people wish that they could do a little bit.
Right.
And something maybe that they wish that they could articulate or they do articulate to their friends, but they can't get to the masses just because they don't,
aren't able to touch it.
And I think that you obviously did that when you spoke to Kanye.
And I think the type of comedy that I do and that Akash does,
and like the whole impetus of flagrant too,
was this idea like,
we're not going to bow down to the cancel culture.
We're going to say the most fucked up time,
sorry,
the most fucked up things.
And in the guise of humor, of course, in the time where you can say the most fucked up time sorry the most fucked up things and in the guise of humor
of course in the time where you can say the least and i put that under quotes because there's been
other times in history of course we're not we're not going whoa here is me blah blah blah we're
not many bruce but exactly that's what i was going to say to andrew just to clarify so it's like and
i think what happened is a lot of people a lot of people that listen i think they were like yo
thank you at least some comic is saying the jokes
or is going to do a joke about trainees
because we do jokes about everybody.
Why should they be exempt?
Not in terms of we don't like this group of people,
but we like flagrant shit.
We like fucked up jokes.
So I think once they saw that, they were like,
I want this guy to succeed against the odds.
And I think they saw that with you.
I think they saw that with Jamel as well.
And all of a sudden, once you see people, it becomes a David versus Goliath type thing.
Because here we are, this little podcast.
And all of a sudden, our Patreon fucking exploded.
We've become one of the top 10 Patreons in the fucking world or something like that.
And it's because people are like, yo, you guys are doing what is right.
We're going to do anything that we possibly can
to support you in your endeavors.
And I think that's what happens.
Yeah, I was basically going to say,
Schultz is one of the funniest comics,
maybe the funniest comic working right now,
straight up, I'll say that.
But beyond just being funny,
there needs to be something else
for that thing to happen.
And I think for a lot of it,
it's people feel like this guy's speaking for me I think for a lot of it it's people feel like
this guy's speaking for me
you
a lot of motherfuckers
hear Kanye
and were like
will somebody tell
I gotta shut the fuck up
and then somebody did it
and then somebody said
I don't think you are
what you think you are
you raised your hand
and you did the boldest shit
that nobody else would do
Jamel
stood up to ESPN
did the boldest shit
nobody would do
nobody that wants a job
in sports
tells ESPN
to shove it that's crazy
when you think look at me and i got issues with jamel a lot of things but what she did is fucking
when you think about that that's sister to tell espn to go fuck themselves that's the end you
can't that wasn't the first thing she did was the trump but she's but she stood in the truth right
yeah and so and so there's the thing is and that's the scary thing is it's easy to do a lot of stuff when you know
you can go on to something better right she's at the top of that sort of deal and so now she had
to figure out for herself she's doing a great job yeah people respect but it's it's yeah and that's
extra because it's oh there's they believe what i believe so strongly they'll walk away from the
bag now extra and that's andrew has a lot of that too, which is, you know what?
Not only is he saying this shit,
I've been searching for somebody to say all this PC shit sucks.
I don't want to have to laugh at somebody just because they're fucking trans
and they're on stage.
I don't care.
You know what the funny part is?
And he walked away from the bag.
It's not even that.
That's not the bag that he walked away from.
It's not because there are other comics who do the non-PC stuff
and, you know, to varying success. What made you legitimately be the walked away from it. It's not, because there are other comics who do the non-PC stuff and, you know, to varying success.
What made you
legitimately be,
walked away from the bag,
I like that as a concept
because all of you guys
put something,
you risked that.
The risk you took
was that New York Times thing
where you told them like,
fuck Netflix
because there was
no other comic out here
who was like,
I don't need that
fucking Netflix shit.
I'm going to do this shit.
That was the risk. Well, Rogan had said it. it isn't that place and done well rogan was different right
rogan was at a place where it's no he went on no no i said i went on rogan that was the platform
that was like oh shit but that's that's the wild thing is is that's what it is that's what it is
is you your stance wasn't that i'm gonna do this this kind of comedy. Your stance was, I'm going to do this comedy,
and I don't need these constructs to be successful.
On a much smaller scale,
I'm not going to try to put myself in the conversation on any of this.
When I had that little immigrant thing,
that was the first time I felt like,
oh, Indians are sharing this more than everybody else.
Oh, of course.
Flagrant fans look like immigrants.
Can I tell you something about that clip real quick?
That's why I wanted to make it clear that I wasn't
responding to that clip, to the tweet.
That was powerful.
The reason
why it was powerful for me...
You would have poor-tweeted that.
You didn't, right?
But look,
I'm going to be real with you. But you know why I didn't say anything
about it? It's because I don't know what you're talking
about. I don't know whether you're right or whether or not you're wrong.
But you know what I did know, though?
I didn't know whether or not you were right or whether or not you were wrong,
so I can't really speak to that.
But what I did know was that you fucking cared and invested into that dialogue.
That meant something to you.
And so I could see that as far as what was right and what was wrong.
I couldn't speak on it because I don't know.
There could be a kid across the...
So, yeah, again, much smaller scale.
When it started to get...
I didn't expect Indians to...
I didn't expect Indians...
A lot of immigrant kids.
But Indians, for the first time, random Indians were like,
yo, my girl is like random people that don't know you
or don't know we're dating that I follow posting this.
And I said something.
Sorry, just to finish.
I said something that I didn't realize it,
but a lot of Indians felt this way, but nobody was saying it.
And then I said it, and now they feel like,
oh, this guy's finally saying the thing I want to hear.
That's a different thing.
You guys are on a much larger scale.
So my sister is, I guess you'd call her activist or whatever,
is Sudan, right?
She lives here, but when she was in Sudan,
she used to post these videos
all about like how stuff is messed up and like things that not just government is messed up
stuff she'd do that but also something things culturally in sudan and so she had this one video
about this one dude who's talking about sudanese girls a sudanese dude talking about sudanese girls
are ugly and i like lebanese girls are better and this dude is a grown-ass man with kids and stuff
my sister had this long
really like
hey man
like you have children
you have daughters man
what kind of example
are you sending
when you say this kind of stuff
that video went super viral
in the Sudanese community
to the point where
Sudanese people
were sending me this shit
and saying
hey man
you see this girl
say this
I'm like
that's my fucking sister
of course I've seen it
so like don't
don't put it on a smaller scale because it is powerful,
especially in those communities.
Yes.
Now, having said that, there was something I really disagreed with you about.
Oh, go.
Yeah, go ahead.
I think I know what it was.
I agree with you in that, you know, the generation that came before us
had this work ethic and some of us do have that work ethic
and we
need to stop making excuses if you don't at the same time i don't think i think you took it i know
you're just talking like you're in the moment but part of it felt like you took it a step far
in saying like we shouldn't expect any of this shit like technically yes in spirit we shouldn't
but the reality is we should because even as immigrants we're still
like the rights
and stuff
and I thought about like you're saying this thing
it's a minute you want to get in you want to get
out it's a podcast that's not
this but yeah with context
you deserve liberty and the basic
human rights and clean running water
they're guaranteed
everyone deserves that.
Everyone in America.
If you're not getting them, you should work your ass off to make sure that you're accessing them
because they're guaranteed.
And by the way, even if you are getting them, because my kids are going to grow up like hustling.
They won't know, kind of like the thing that you were kind of describing,
that some of these kids out here, second generation, third generation,
like, oh, my God, why?
No, no, you're going to have that mentality,
but also at the same time we're going to work for you to have that safety net
because it's not fair for some people to have an ability to take risks
knowing that I got some other shit that's going to catch me,
whereas for us that's not a reality.
So I would say two points
one is my my general point was whatever your mentality is is don't ask anybody for fucking
anything go ahead the mentality i'm gonna go take what the fuck i want i don't want the it was about
the oscars i don't think the oscars owes it to minorities to give us nominations go make great
art and worst case scenario you don't get the nomination but you get this guy's shattering
an entire fucking industry.
Sure.
Sure.
And if you're making money, if you're financially viable-
I mean, that's the shit I was going to ask you about the black porn stars.
Is there any feeling that, fuck this, we're going to have our own award show?
To me, this is my only point to any of that.
It doesn't make any sense to rap on Mass's door and then ask him why he isn't respecting you or giving you an award.
That doesn't make any sense.
However, if the Academy Awards or any industry anywhere is less than diverse, there's nothing wrong with letting other people know that we're here because we're making art too.
Yes.
Because we're making art too.
Now, for me personally, I would rather, as a black man, see us care a little bit more about the award shows and the accolades and the things that we can give each other because we understand our art and our culture. Completely agree.
Now, wait a second.
That doesn't mean, though, that I have a gripe with someone that goes, this situation is too white.
Because remember how America is sold.
America is sold.
And all of this stuff is not asking for anything that's not supposed to be guaranteed to you.
It's asking for the affirmation of things that should be the way that they are.
My thing is, go forth in the world and understand that shit ain't always fair.
By the way, not is it not always fair.
It's very rarely fair.
So be prepared to fail on the doorstep of fairness.
Now, what you'll eventually be able to get is what you're able to demand.
And you're better off demanding things in blocks and in groups.
So let me ask you this.
Oh, go ahead.
There's a point that I was going to say that I think Amin would share on a certain level.
And it's part of our guilt and low self-worth probably as immigrant kids but when you say
shit like this isn't fair here whatever i understand how inherently unfair it is that
i am in america that i'm here yeah you said shit like we should all have access to basic
like running water we're here both of us got relatives don't got access to running water
clean water we drink their water we will die straight up right that's
the condition so when we're like we deserve this we just in my mind i'm like yeah sure we deserve
it we're very fucking lucky to have that so when i see a lot of people complaining about the oscars
or whatever it to me it sounds very spoiled and maybe that's my own shit but i'm like no
we are the one percent i'll be honest with. You're never fortunate enough to deal with inequality.
You're never fortunate enough to have to suffer through inequality.
We're all fortunate to be living.
We're fortunate to be alive.
We're fortunate to be in this situation.
We're fortunate to have opinions.
We're fortunate to be in a situation where the state, to a degree,
doesn't control what it is that we're saying.
But good fortune is never going to be a tradeoff for not getting what you're
supposed to from society. It's a simultaneous thing thing you can appreciate and still work to it schultz he knows
it's the first time i was on brilliant idiots i told him stories about like growing up in sudan
we played barefoot uh there was like torture houses across the street and for me i didn't
that's just reality right and they come here and you're like oh shit like you get to say whatever
the fuck you want like be like like be you be appreciative yes but also know that there's a different set of
rules it can it can yeah it can always be maybe maybe um maybe there's two things that are being
said at the same time and one thing is what is the the route to take for success and i think
akash was trying to get on what we would try to
put in our kids minds which is hey yeah hustle because i think it's a route to greatness a route
to greatness hustle because hustle is going to get you there and like you said yes the world might
not be fair even though it should but if you hustle 100 hard and put your blinders on to all
the fuck shit out there you're going to do way better than if you don't and then at the same time maybe it's our responsibility to tell our kids hey you also deserve fairness just because
i said the world ain't fair don't mean when some shit ain't fair that you don't go you know or that
you can't do a little work to make the system as good as it can be 100 might never be perfect but
but you shouldn't quit because right you should you
should still grind and like you said make your money in groups or whatever it is and some people
make their groups based on religion some people make their groups based on race some people make
their groups based on ideology but groups work groups work and and whether they whatever they're
based on like unions are a group right all i'm saying is like you know there was one point
being an immigrant where you came to america maybe not a brown immigrant, and they gave you millions of acres of land.
And with that, with the millions of acres of land that they gave those immigrants, they gave them all the resources under the land.
They gave them all of that stuff.
And that was to build their country.
I don't know history.
Well, you're talking about the recent history of immigrants.
So what I'm saying is
in establishing a country,
wealth was given,
given,
not earned.
Wealth was given
to somebody,
just not you.
But there are immigrants
who come here
and they get extreme wealth
without any land given
or wealth given.
All the time.
But what I'm talking about,
the majority of this country's...
The majority of this,
like wealth was given.
So all I'm saying is that
it doesn't make any sense.
The way I look at things differently,
the way I've kind of evolved
is I look at things in terms of...
What about the most recent immigrants?
Because the most recent immigrants
who have come were not given wealth, right?
They weren't given anything.
What I'm saying is...
Because we have to talk about things
in the context of time, right?
If what we want to do is find the ways
to succeed within now, not within the past.
No, no, no, no.
But to me, I would say the structures
built in the past are still...
No, no, no.
So what I'm saying is...
Let me wrap this up.
What I'm saying is when you're getting
to a situation of trying to redefine
what is fair or what is just or equal,
understand that it's not wrong of you to ask for these things
because at some point somebody was given to them.
It's wrong of you to rely on them.
If you rely on them, you're relying on somebody else's altruism for your future.
You just can't do that if you're going to win.
It's definitely not wrong to ask for them.
No, you should ask.
You should ask for everything you're entitled to, 100 you're if your landlord says hey you get air conditioning
and the air conditioners not work what do you say you say hey where's my air conditioner 100 i guess
what i'm what i'm trying to say also is that like we can look in the past right like we can we can
look at the past and go hey all these uh white immigrants that came here got all this land and
they were able to build wealth because of it 100 um but percent. But we're not in the past, right?
We're in,
we're in now.
He specifically,
he specifically referenced the past.
He referenced one generation ago.
Don't matter.
The reason why,
the reason why.
Let me finish.
Let me finish.
Let me finish.
So I guess what I'm saying is like,
you can have an almost Pat Riley approach to the game,
which is like,
Hey,
triangle offense,
triangle offense.
And then people can look and you go,
Hey,
the triangle offense don't really fucking work right anymore. Like maybe's a different way to work it what's the way to work
it who's killing right now golden state's killing well who lives in golden state those asians what
those asians do oh those asians are out there becoming fucking doctors engineers doing whatever
they fucking do and they're having incredible success in the world okay that's the new approach
that's the new wealth that's the new land and those people are out
succeeding any when i mean asians i mean akash asians i mean you know chinese asian they're
out succeeding i mean fucking nigerians that come here and do the same thing i mean they're
what i would say to you that that's very fair achievement the problem is is that if you go
into this thing without sort of a blueprint and an understanding of the history
of the country the context you'll you'll you'll understand something is that that's not you
now as much as as much as we would the reality is that that's not you you're like your place i'm
talking about black people in america was very specifically engineered right completely 100
000 intentional you are exactly where you were meant to be okay
and the system as far as that's concerned that's concerned is working right is working
completely right what i would say is that's not enough for you to throw your cards in
but it is enough for you to take the historical context and what it is that you know
and understand how you circumvent that system
yes and so what like if you understand uh redlining or if you understand what happened to blacks when
they did come together and and build thriving communities um and build economically viable
communities how a lot of those communities were destroyed very purposely. What you'll understand is what you're sort of in for
and what you need to watch out for.
It's not to take anybody and make it all their fault
because if you're going to succeed anywhere,
it's going to be on you.
You'll understand what people were in for before you,
but to act like you have to go through the same redlining
that they went through is unfair to them.
It still exists all the time.
A lot of those contracts are still around.
And a lot of those contracts are still around. To be honest with you, and some of them-
Out of respect to the people that went through it, we have to differentiate.
I'll give you an example like this.
Out of respect to them, we have to differentiate.
I'll give you an example like this. In Florida right now, they just passed a law that says if
you are a felon, they actually rescinded one, and there's a new thing, if you are a felon, they actually rescinded one and there's a new thing. If you're a felon, before you can
vote, right? Before you can
vote, you have to pay back all of
your restitution and everything to the courts
so you can't come out there and vote, right? Then on top
of that, if you haven't done that,
when you're filling out your voter registration
form and you answer
questions on it, if you don't even know
if your restitution and all of that stuff is paid up
and you answer wrong,
they can retry you or
put you back in jail
on another felony, right?
And this passed? It's done.
And so it's either
done or it's out there.
I'm not sure. But what I'm saying is...
And this only is for black people? It's not for black people.
But what I'm saying is...
So then what are we talking about? It disproportionately affects african-american community right right right but
so so so different so what i'm what we're talking about we're talking about redlining which was
specifically done well actually actually but like the thing is though when they talked about a poll
poll taxes and things back and up back and then those poll taxes weren't specifically some of
this stuff wasn't specifically for african-amer. It was just something that they knew would affect African Americans.
Right, like the grandfather clause.
All of that stuff.
So in this particular situation right here, what you have is a state under a government that is trying to control and manufacture democracy.
In order to understand why that's so destructive, you need to understand how that playbook has been put into play on your people before then.
It helps.
It doesn't help to vilify somebody as much as it helps to galvanize people.
To me, it's an educational thing.
You can't just say, well, that's how it was back then.
Well, you just suck it up now and it's things.
You've got to understand it so that you understand the potential landmines that exist.
They may not exist in the same form that they did back then,
but they still exist in some form.
And you have to be cognizant of it.
Otherwise, you're going to get a root of it.
I'm not saying don't know your history by any means.
Absolutely, know your history, understand it.
I mean, I just think that it's more advantageous
for you to focus on the barriers that exist now
so you can find ways to get around them.
A lot of those barriers have roots in the past.
They have roots in the past.
I'll give you a good example.
So I never got to talk to Charlamagne about this
because this was back when his book came out,
but the idea of black privilege,
like I know what he's saying,
the spirit of what he's saying,
but it's almost like saying someone,
like remember the wrestler who had no legs?
I can't remember.
You don't remember the like,
not like WWF wrestling.
I do, like the Greco-Roman wrestling,
the Olympic wrestling.
He went to ASU.
Anthony Gonzalez,
I think his name was.
He had no legs, right?
Yeah.
And so he started wrestling
and he was fucking great at it.
And so he was great at it
because he didn't allow his disability
to hold him back.
He also had a weight advantage.
But the point is... He was proportionally stronger because he was missing the weight disability to hold him back. He also had a weight advantage. But the point is...
He was proportionally stronger because he was
missing the weight of his legs.
Okay, let me do something different.
Let me do something different.
Shaquem Griffin, the kid from the Seahawks
that was born with one hand.
Plays defense, not wide receiver.
But my point is this.
He's able to be successful
and that's great,
but that doesn't mean as a result
ipso facto let's all cut off
our hands because that's the route to success
but nobody's saying that
what people are saying is this
overcoming the odds is something that is
no no no this is what I'm saying
what I'm saying is we could look in the past
and we could study how people cut their arms off
and we could also study how people
you know we could study other prosthetics from like the 1800s right or we could
get an understanding of that which is very important we can understand the history of
people who've played without prosthetics because we can learn from that and then we can also hit
up mit and be like yo what's the new shit that you got going for your arms i mean the reality
in the now.
I completely understand what you're saying.
But I have two hands.
I also think there's almost like,
there's almost a certain extent where you get diminishing returns
when you have a hyper focus
on the just abuse of your people.
Inequity.
Like inequity of your people that you cannot internalize that
and you cannot go through your everyday life thinking like that like my mom you know we are
scottish my mom watched fucking braveheart and i remember her relive wait wait let me finish let
me finish right i remember her i remember her bawling crying and angry for three days and i
didn't understand it till later on her life that she hated Mel Gibson no not she fucking loved Mel Gibson but like what she hated
was the English for a second and then but what it really was is she came to America she made her own
money and she forgot the insecurity she grew up with was being lesser than being taken advantage
of because of who she was at being looked at as poor because of her accent.
She came from a poor.
She forgot those things in America.
She also forgot her accent.
But this is.
No, she still has her accent.
I met your mom.
Wait, wait, wait.
This is what I'll say to what you're saying, Andrew, just real quick.
This is what I'll say.
Was she breaking it for me?
This is what I'll say.
Yeah, she was.
Remember, remember.
So you can understand.
Like, in order for, in order to help black Americans, whatever Americans areicans are saying culturally yeah i'm selling something
to them an idea right yeah an idea of unity and group operations an idea of cultural patience
an idea of all of these things right investing into yourself investing into your people
building strong structures and for all of this great 100 but here's the thing though
in order to in order to get the buy-, I have to stress why it's so important.
And in order to stress why it's so important, I have to show what happens when we go it alone.
Or I have to show what exactly we're up against.
And so for me—
See, now I disagree.
Okay, well, we disagree on it.
But to me, the reason why is because I have to say, listen, we're talking about the Oscars right now. I have to say, listen, you guys, there's a history in America of them not understanding black culture and black art.
So what you're doing right now, not just now, this isn't new.
This has always been the way that it was.
So what you're doing right now is you're wrapping your head against a door that may never open for you.
But what you can do is reset the standard.
Love it.
may never open for you. But what you can do is reset the standard. Now, in order to do that,
in order to get the buy-in from that, they have to understand exactly from a historical context in America what it is that I'm talking about. And they also have to understand something else.
They have to understand that what they've been told isn't true. That the fact that they've been
told that they're the worst, that they've been told that they're inherently criminal,
The fact that they've been told that they're the worst,
that they've been told that they're inherently criminal,
that they've been told all of these things,
that that's not true.
That there is a reason and a process by which all of these things happen.
And in order to do that, you have to know your history.
Now, what I will say, where I've come along is,
you can't be angry about it.
You can't be upset about it.
You got to go forth and build new shit.
And I think that that's what...
I agree.
Choosing your battles.
Like, I think it is important to have knowledge of your roots.
I believe that Marcus Garvey quote,
the people without knowledge of his history is like a tree without its roots.
I think you can tell people this is what we might be up against, whatever.
But isn't there something to be said for picking your battles?
I'm getting married to my girl.
Not everything is a fight.
Not everything,
she gets on my nerves every fucking day,
I probably get on her nerves every fucking day.
Not everything needs to be a fight.
The Oscars don't need to be a fight.
You can understand the larger context,
this is what they be doing,
but also, it's the Oscars, bro.
It does if you exist in that industry.
Can I say one thing?
Just to respond to Vance,
about how to galvanize the people.
I think there are different ways
to galvanize people
and I think that different ways
are effective, right?
I think one way is
to essentially build up the enemy
and see what you're up against
and show how you're oppressing
and remind people like,
hey, you're oppressing.
This is the history of the oppression
and this is what we're up against.
That's not what I said to do,
but go ahead.
Not necessarily what you said to do.
That's not what I said to do at all. What necessarily what you said to do but i said to do it all what i said to do is you take
you like you take people and you start with this is exactly what i said right you start with what
you have to do to be successful right which is in the now yeah how are we going to be economically
and politically and socially successful and then in selling to them why it's so important to do it
this way right okay you then give them the
history of how it did work the history of what the history of oppression right not not not even
oppression the history of america and the situation that they've had black which was oppression
whatever but what was it what was it oppression or progression was america progressing black people
what i'm saying is you don't start with telling them but depression how bad it was you start with
telling them how they can ascend.
Sure.
And you tell them why this specific person will work.
Why it's specifically important.
100%.
What happened?
Oh, you got to go?
I got to break out.
I got probably two minutes.
I got to break out.
Okay.
We'll finish in one minute.
Have a seat.
Go.
Love you.
Thank you.
Great to see you.
All right, man.
I'm in.
Be good.
Thank you for coming, dog.
I appreciate you.
Hit me. Text me. We're good for the open on Friday during the man. I'm in. Be good. Thank you for coming, dog. I appreciate you. Hit me.
Text me.
We're good for the open on Friday during the day.
I'm probably going Saturday.
I'll text you later.
Text me later.
So I guess, again, I didn't mean to switch up your order, but I think that we were on
the same point of the importance of reinforcing the things that you're up against, 100%.
And I think it is important for people to know that.
But I also think that groups gravitate
towards success because at the end of the day, people want to have success. And I think that
you can show that through success. Like for me, when I look at a Tyler Perry, like I go,
whoa, that guy has his own fucking studio. He said, he said, I built, built wait out of his own mouth yeah yeah he said
forget about like uh forget about sitting at somebody else's table i built my own my own
he's acknowledging the barrier oh no no wait wait i'm not disagreeing with you no no he's
acknowledging he's saying he's saying i couldn't sit with you so i think he's acknowledging the
barrier but i'm yeah we both agree i know we agree that's what i'm saying i couldn't sit with you so i think he's acknowledging the bear but i'm
yeah we both agree i know we agree that's what i'm saying right what i'm saying is i understand
there's a barrier right but the what he did is instead of focusing on on the negative and the
oppression to galvanize what he did is he just did it and then he went hey this is the way to do it
now in no way am i comparing my career to the black struggle in America.
But I think there are a lot of comics that probably resonated with maybe not having opportunities and the networks not giving them opportunities.
And then when they saw me go a different way and start putting up clips and then most importantly of all, having success with it and then selling out fucking theaters around the world.
Once they saw that it worked they were like
i want to do that and now the the way you do comedy is this formula that we put out where
you're cutting up these clips and posting these clips and posting on youtube and doing all these
things so we transformed a whole industry simply by success and i think that there is an amazing
way of doing that within community as well.
And I think the people that see a Tyler model,
when they see a you model, Van,
I mean, I think you might be selling yourself short
in terms of your influence,
even if it's on doing your own thing,
regardless of what you do in the future,
or even being on TMZ,
like that is very powerful to them.
You know what I mean?
When they see you stand up to some famous guy,
regardless if he's Kanye or anybody else, they go oh shit if you live your truth it actually works out maybe
that's a good idea so i think i think showing instead of telling and i think the the economic
prosperity that comes with success is the best influencer man i would agree but i would agree
with that two things number one tyler per Perry specifically asked for the cultural buy-in of African Americans to build his empire.
100%.
He specifically asked.
He made content for them.
But he specifically asked and said, yo, I'm here working for y'all because these other doors ain't open.
That's always been a part of his thing.
The second thing I would say is the only thing that breeds success in America is success.
You can't complain
or bellyache your way
to anything. Just doesn't work.
Will never work. However
I think that's what Akash was saying.
I get it. However
I will say this.
That doesn't mean
you wipe the slate
for a society
that hasn't earned it.
And so all I'm saying is this.
I understand it used to be a point to where I would,
oh, raise, raise, raise.
Why doesn't this happen?
Why don't we get this?
Why aren't we getting what we deserve?
Why don't we get, that's not what I'm saying anymore.
I'm saying it's up to us to build and decide what it is
that we deserve amongst ourselves and use leverage to do it.
But when someone comes to me, and this is what I'm saying, when someone comes to me and they say, Van, why do I have to go to a black restaurant and deal with them in their opening stages and give the money to them like over a restaurant that's been around 80 or 90 years.
You're saying when black people come to you and say that, yeah.
When black people come to you.
Why would I bank black when they don't have the online banking system
that Bank of America has?
When they don't have all of these things, when they don't have all this stuff,
why am I going to have to be culturally patient
and have allegiance to certain things?
I have to explain to them why it's going to work for
them and for us
to at least partly
invest into our own.
And it has to do with the fact that that's
the way that we'll be strongest in the
long run. Not saying
that you can't have your Bank of America
account or you can't go eat a nice
meal at the Cheesecake Factory,
I enjoy it.
What I'm saying is a little bit of this
should come back into your own community
because if you don't do it, it will not get done,
and there is history behind that.
Yo, real talk, 100%.
I mean, the name of the game is get resources.
We've spoken about this before,
and we break ourselves up into these little groups.
And whether society does it or we do it, that's just what happens.
And it's about acquiring those resources and people do whatever they can to get them.
And it's up to, to be honest, it's up to those banks to have a competitive advantage on other banks by offering loans to black people that maybe those other banks won't offer.
If you want, like Tyler Perry is the bank. And the bank
went to the people and said
so if these banks are like, yo, we're just going to offer
the same loans as Bank of America. They're like, why am I giving
you my black money if you're not going to help
my black ass out? The more money that
they have,
the more money that they have,
the better we assume
their lending practices will be.
Vanna's right, but it's really fucking hard to do.
It's insanely hard to do.
It's really fucking hard to do.
But you got to try.
You feel what I'm saying?
You got to try.
And I agree with you.
And my point, the reason I specifically said people who look like me is because I don't
black people up against a whole different thing.
I'm saying when you come here, there's a lot of like the Oscars, the ideas, I need white
acceptance.
Who gives a fuck about
a seat at the white table go make your own table god exactly what tyler perry is saying i don't
i'm fucking with you to me a lot of that shit is wanting acceptance from white people it's like yo
i don't give a fuck about your acceptance that's the part of it right there and i say this because
i got a black woman waiting in the car but like but i'll say this this is what i'll say what i'll
say is that's the part i got your love that's the part that you have to get away from.
The part that you have to get away from is wanting that sort of intangible acceptance
and love from a group specifically that hasn't showed you in the past that they would actually
be willing to give it to you wholesale.
Not so much even white people.
I'm talking about mainstream American society. They're going to give you
what you earn. So you got to figure out better
ways to earn it. Stop asking for love from groups.
Can I say one thing? I always ask
for love from black women.
I feel like Andrew and Akash try to sell
me short right here. Andrew, I got to go now.
I got to run.
I love you, Doug. I love you too.
I'm glad we had this convo because
of Joseph Sato.
Yeah, yeah. In a real way? Yeah. I love you, too. Thank you so much. Hey, seriously. I'm glad we had this combo because. All just a side though? Yeah, yeah.
In a real way?
Yeah.
I really am proud of y'all.
Thank you, man.
I don't even know you as well.
Thank you, man.
But when I see you and I send you clips around and shit like that, I'm like, yo.
Thank you, Doug.
Appreciate that.
I'm really proud of you.
Alex, not so much.
But real talk.
No, but I want to just say publicly to Van, thank you for what you did with Kanye.
I used to be a Kanye stan, and it was really important to me that you did that.
I still listen to you.
No, I still listen to his music, but it was really important that somebody stood up to him.
Ten years, nobody said this shit to him.
Yeah.
And it's important that I say while you're here, I know I get a lot of credit for my success,
but my success is dependent on everybody in this room.
You know what I mean?
So I did spend a lot of money. this room You know what I mean So like
I did spend a lot of money
I don't know if I said that
Earlier
But in all
In all honesty
This is Akash's place
This is Alex's place
It might be Edwin's place
We'll see how he does
But it's really
All of us
Everything here
And I hope
If you ever need anything
That we can provide for you
I'll be back man
Love you dog
And Van
Thank you
What you do publicly
It's appreciated
Even if it's not acknowledged.
All right?
Hey.
Appreciate you.
Hey, guys.
This has been another episode of Flagrant 2.
I think we got to put this out on a regular, man.
I think we got to do a little regular.
I was thinking the same, but we got to cut some stuff.
Yeah?
If we're going to put it out publicly, we got to cut some stuff.
All right.
We all see.
If we do, we'll cut it.
We'll put it on the Patreon page.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
And leave this part in so these motherfuckers know what they're missing out on.
They don't got the Patreon. Gang, bitch asses. Hey, man. We love put it on the Patreon page. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. And leave this part in so these motherfuckers know what they're missing out on. They don't got the Patreon.
Gang, bitch asses.
Hey, man.
We love y'all.
Come join our Patreon, man.
It's really the realest, man.
Conversations like this.
The funny, the seriousness, the thoughtfulness.
Bro, I don't know if I said this to you.
When I was going through, you were in Egypt.
I was trying to figure out the best of clips.
Son, the Patreon best of.
There's so many.
Yeah.
Because we just get to go
We just get to do it
And it's just like
Yo
There was about 20 clips
That I was like
Any one of these could go
I had to cut some shit
Anyway y'all
Go make sure you check us out
AkashSingh.com
What was I gonna say?
Get all his tour dates
We got that show
Hope
You know
We got that show in LA man
The fourth show
For the special taping
Easter Sunday
9.30.
TheAndrewShows.com for tickets.
Go get that.
We'll be in Atlanta this weekend.
Alabama, I think there's some tickets left.
And TheAndrewShows.com for the rest of those.
Thank you all for the support.
Akash, tell them where you're going to be.
Yo, this week, if we put this out on the regular episode,
it'll be January 29th.
I am at the Punchline in Sacramento.
January 30th through February 1st,
I'm at Rooster Teeth Feathers in San Jose. February 6th, I'm at the Punchline in Sacramento. January 30th through February 1st, I'm at Rooster Teeth Feathers in San Jose.
February 6th, I'm at Zany's in Nashville.
Coming the fuck through.
I'm super excited to do shows in the South.
I got Zany's on the 6th.
Laughing Skull in Atlanta on February 8th.
Montreal, I'm finally coming to Canada.
March 12th through 14th, I'm at the Comedy Nest.
I think I said the wrong city last time.
I was high.
My bad if I said any wrong cities.
March.
I think that's it for now.
That's it for now.
Come through.
This has been another episode of Laker 2.
Hey, man.
We love y'all.
Keep it tight.
Peace.
God bless. you