Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Blacks Love Hummus w/ Doboy & KevOnStage
Episode Date: February 11, 2020This week Andrew and Akaash are joined by Doboy and KevOnStage! They discussed growing back your shlong after losing weight, the rise and fall of "Fat Martin", theaters vs comedy clubs, Kawhi Leonar...d having too much priority over the rest of the Clippers, finding your social media audience, and much more! Liked our guests? Follow them! Kev IG/TWITTER - @KevOnStage DoBoy IG/TWITTER - @iamDoBoy Want an extra episode a week? Become a PATRON! www.Patreon.com/FLAGRANT2
Transcript
Discussion (0)
What up guys
We are here
Flagrant 2
Kev on stage
What up
Doughboy
Doughboy looking slender
Alright man
I'm trying to get to it man
Dude you're a handsome guy bro
Thank you man
I appreciate that
Doughboy do that
He got handsome guy
Doughboy is good
They don't notice it
When you big like that
No they don't
Not everybody gets slim
And cute Yes He got light brown eyes too I didn't even know We be doing a podcast sometime They don't notice it when you big like that. No, they don't. Not everybody gets slim and cute.
Yeah.
He got light brown eyes, too.
I didn't even know that.
We be doing a podcast sometime, and the sun hit him.
I be like, hey.
What's up, man?
My dude.
My dude.
Men can't compliment each other like that.
We're like, yo, you probably get a lot of girls.
I can.
I can.
White dudes do get away with it.
I grew up a white dude.
I can.
Don't worry. You look good. Cap you. All right. I can. White dudes do get away with it. I grew up in White Dudes. I can. Don't worry, you look good.
Kev, you aight.
So you lost how much, bro?
Right now, currently 222 pounds, randomly.
Now, do you wonder where that goes?
Son, you lost one-fourth of a Teddy Ray.
You want Cameron to catch you straight?
Yeah.
but Teddy Ray.
You want camera catching straight?
Send it polite, bro.
Hi, Teddy Ray.
Poor guy was willing
to lay on the carpet.
I had to, man.
I had to.
We haven't properly
introduced our guests
but y'all should know them
from the Righteous
and Ratchet podcast.
R&R.
R&R Podcast.
Now, did you guys get that from Charlamagne?
No, we did not, actually.
We actually started this a long time ago.
So Charlamagne got it from you?
No, I'm not even saying that.
I just think sometimes people think a lot.
I don't think it's an original idea enough for anybody to claim it.
I thought it was Charla.
I thought Charla thought of this idea.
No, we had started back in 2016, and we really just started as a conversation.
You know, because Kev is more put together.
He's married.
Kids, I, at the time, was just ratcheting in the streets.
And so we used to talk about principles of just trying to live.
I was all Christian.
Christian-based combo.
At first, it was all Christian-based conversation.
But I lost every argument.
Right.
I'd be like, who's there?
It wasn't supposed to be a podcast.
I didn't lose the argument.
God, I didn't lose the argument.
Doughboy was challenging me on some stuff, and I was just like, don't know watch porn yeah that was like a question that without that can they watch porn
no can here we go just watching it you're not jerking off right so you can here's my answer
for a lot of it there's the way i was raised and i was in church
i didn't even hear what you said you can't as long as it's not black women what you can't let
the you can't watch the queens getting disrespected like that you know what i mean
the blanket term in marriage the marriage bed is undefiled so there's a lot of uh most christians
would agree
that porn is bad.
You should not watch it.
Even if you're married?
Even if you're married
because you're watching
like somebody else have sex, right?
So that's like adultery, right?
So this is how I grew up, right?
So when I was like 16,
I was watching this minister
and his wife's kids,
like babysitting them.
So I go to the VCR.
I was like,
I'm going to the VCR.
I was like, how you grew up? I'll show you the VCR. I was going to the VCR. I was like,
I'll show you about bad
secret. I want to go to that church.
That one called. So I'm watching
their daughter. Backstrokes every Sunday.
Backstrokes.
Nailed to the cross.
Oh my God.
Oh my God. Bro, he's going to hell, but he don't have one so i went to
i went to take the uh like a disney movie in the vcr and it was a porn in there in the main
kitchen like the i mean the main living room thing yeah this is a minister so then i'm like yo y'all
like maybe that's a mistake right so i take it out and go to put it to the side bro they had like 20 horns like perfectly labeled i'm like yo but i but the what y'all was teaching
so i was like ever since then i kind of been like confused and that's kind of been a lot of things
in church how i grew up people said one thing but what they were doing at home turned out to not be
what they were preaching and stuff so when i came to, me and my wife kind of went through a period of like,
man, what is our relationship with God going to be?
Because so much of it was what our grandma said,
what the pastor said.
Like one of our pastors,
when we were growing up,
said you can't go to the movies.
Every movie's sinful.
Lion King, sin.
And I found out when I was like 17,
she was like, my grandma was like,
oh yeah, his son was having sex in the theater.
So he kind of went on this whole tangent,
but we didn't really listen.
Like that was his whole thing. But our age the pastor was the bible like he
talked directly to god in your relationship with god can you watch porn i don't feel one i don't
feel comfortable enough to watch porn in my relationship i have watched porn and what did
you do did you beat that fucking dick? Did you take that fucking dick out under the eyes of God?
Y'all be so aggressive with the masturbation.
Where do you point your dick when you jerk off?
Right to the fucking head inside.
That's disrespectful, dude.
You pulling open that urethra?
That's foul, dog.
It automatically points up.
It automatically goes up, points up.
You don't have to point it up.
It looks like you're shooting at him.
You should shoot loads at Jesus, bro.
That's foul, dog.
You know, you got to clear your mind.
That's why those gates are white.
You can't think about that stuff when you're doing that.
It'll mess you up.
You'll be like, man, that's just a ratchet.
That's definitely ratchet.
That's far ratchet.
That's definitely ratchet.
Okay, all right.
I'm just saying.
So you're staying away from the porn.
I don't really watch that much porn either.
Yeah, I think I don't feel 100% comfortable watching porn, though.
I've never really been into porn anyway.
You be making your own porn and watching that.
I watch my own porn.
I don't want to watch other people.
Wait a minute.
So you lost all this weight and now you're doing porn?
Before he lost the weight.
Listen, I was 450 with sex tapes.
You understand that?
Hold on.
You got to find the dick.
I want to understand. Listen, I was phone 50 with sex tapes. You understand that? Hold on. You got to find the dick.
I want to see that part.
Imagine the beginning of the part and she's just like, all right.
This has been like 30 minutes.
I want to search.
Yeah, dude.
Swimming through belly.
Are you sure it's there?
Oh, yeah.
It's there.
That's hilarious to watch. Your dick raise your stomach off of you.
I'll tell you, that'd be the reason, because people always ask me, they'd be like, yo,
why'd you lose weight?
And they'd be thinking it's some big, epic reason, and it was really just to get my dick
back.
That was the only-
Your dick was trash?
Yes, it was not good.
So it was hard to stay up, or what?
No, it was stay up, but it just-
It got fatter when you were fatter?
No, your dick gets smaller when you get bigger.
Hold on.
I was losing dick. Is it the perception, or really? No It got fatter when you were fatter? No, your dick gets smaller when you get bigger. Hold on. I was losing dick.
Is it the perception or really?
No, let me tell you as a dude.
The actual measurements?
I was waking up with less dick than I was going to sleep with on certain mornings.
Why?
You were in a recession.
For real.
And it still was true.
You wake up like, what the fuck?
I'm 27% again?
I know what my dick was here when I went to bed.
The third quarter in a row.
And I'm telling you, there's no good sexual positions.
Like, I had a chick try to ride me.
So you had to lose it when you put your dick in low power?
Yeah.
Hold on.
So this dick thing, every other part of your body gets fat.
Your head gets fat.
Your ankles get fat.
Everything gets fat.
Your dick goes away.
Your dick goes away.
So I felt as if my stomach was holding my dick hostage it was going away i had to free my
dick with diet and exercise so you start losing weight uh-huh and your dick start coming back and
i was going on a revenge tour going back to all the women i mean like you know like women are
different when women lose weight and you wasn't fucking with them they'd be like fuck you you
were trash like i was like no no I was trashed but come get
this dick now
though shit
different though
it's lit so you
know what I'm
saying so yeah
that was definitely
the biggest motivation
for losing weight
like because I
couldn't fuck
bruh really yeah
did they change
their tune were
they like it was
like one of those
yelp reviews where
it's like I can't
actually came back
and it's like so
now like all the old chicks
that I used to mess with
are trying to come back,
like new chicks trying to get in the game.
But I said,
fuck all that,
I got in a relationship.
Now,
now,
now,
now this sex positions
when you're wearing four fit,
when you're weighing 450.
Oh,
you have one.
Which is back.
Doggy style.
That's it.
Oh,
you don't lay on your back?
No,
she gonna spray her hips.
I had a chick try to do that.
She dislocated her hip.
Like trying to do that. Just think about this.. Can you imagine? Like, trying to do that.
You have to be a gymnast.
If you gotta lay down and you 486 and she gotta straddle you, it's like riding a double
seat horse.
That was like being on a pommel horse.
For real.
Trying to ride you.
Like, for real.
She got a dismount.
It was tough.
And it was like, you know, you try to get on top, you taking a chance.
I had a, I told this story on one of our podcasts.
Like, a chick was like, you know, because when you're big, you don't want chance. I told this story on one of our podcasts. A chick was like,
when you're big, you don't want to let all your weight go.
A chick was like,
those other bitches act like that. You give it
all to me. Give it all to me, daddy. I said, what?
She was like, put all your
weight on me. I said, all right. I put it on
and she was like,
wait, wait, wait.
Not all of it. Wait, wait.
God damn it.
Somebody get this thing off. She didn all of it. Wait, wait. Don't tell me. Somebody get this.
Like, so she didn't know what she was asking for.
You mean when you're on top of a girl, you don't let all the weight go on her.
Big dudes know.
You hold your arms up like this.
But she wanted me to just kind of just really.
So you're basically planking.
Yes, I was planking the whole time.
Your core probably was super strong back then.
Yeah, but the dick
was trash though.
The dick was trash
but now the dick
is on point.
You lost how much again?
So I started at 486
and as of a couple days ago
I was 262.
That's crazy.
How'd you do it?
You dieted?
Well, no, that's the thing.
So that's the thing.
So people would be thinking
I cheated the system
because I got weight loss surgery.
So I got weight loss surgery
in 2015.
They think you cheated too
because you cheated the system. They think I cheated. This is how I cheated.
See how he gets on the phone? I'm getting sensitive.
How that's not cheating, bro?
See, this is the fucked up thing because so I got weight loss surgery. I got the gastric sleeve.
So yeah, I started losing weight, but people don't understand is like I have what was called
like basically a transfer of addiction because I couldn't eat food anymore, but then I started drinking.
So I was drinking like a bottle a day.
And so then it was like a whole thing.
I became like a whole functioning alcoholic.
Yo, Doughboy was-
No, that's not accurate because you were not functioning.
Well, I know Doughboy from Wild N' Out.
Doughboy and I were on Wild N' Out together.
It was cool.
We were cool.
I'd make fun of him for being fat.
He'd make fun of me for being brown.
Whatever.
That was a relationship
But then we would
Do these colleges together
Oh yeah
And anytime Doughboy
Was at a college with me
And I went to the hotel
They were like
Do you want one king
I was like nah
Doughboy ain't gonna
Have his own fucking home
Give me two doubles
And every time
Doughboy would pretend
He had a place to stay
And then at the end of the night
He'd be like
Yo man where you staying at
Every fucking time
Absolutely
Every time
You just come hang out
For a little bit
You got HBO doing
Why you taking a shower
I was just hot
It wasn't bad
Cal's ain't gonna sleep
On his cell phone
The fact that you
Willingly went out of town
I knew he'd let me
He's a good guy
That was your plan
I'm gonna just lean
On my boy here
And I knew
The fact that you went
From getting your
Right size bed To just let me just go out and get
these two beds out of the way.
I can't let this motherfucker be homeless, man.
Come on.
Ain't nobody give his big ass money.
Yeah, it was tough.
Dubway has that effect on people.
People want to help.
People want to help.
Dubway got $15,000 from Russell Simmons at All Death for losing 200 pounds and he lost
100.
I didn't know.
I was trying to figure out how to get there.
I was trying to figure out how to get there.
As soon as I said that, I was like.
And you just took the quickest route.
All of a sudden, Russ fled to Sri Lanka so goddamn fast.
He wrote one hashtag, me too.
He was like, I'm out of here.
Let me meditate with these Thai motherfuckers.
But he gave me 15K and I was great.
We're losing 200 pounds and Doughboy lost like 150.
He was like, he won't really know the difference.
So Doughboy was like, I'm not going to get to 200.
I just bet you he won't ask.
I was like, I did it today.
He was like, all right.
I lost the weight.
But then I was a full functioning alcoholic.
I went to rehab.
Shit got raided by the FBI.
That's the craziest thing.
I came home like, Jesus must want me to drink again.
Hold on, who got raided by you?
No, the rehab facility I went to, they were doing like some foul shit.
They were like creating fake insurance policy for people.
They were like, so I'm there for two weeks like judging everybody.
Like y'all are really alcoholics.
I was seeing people drink hand sanitizer.
It was a whole thing.
And then the FBI came in and I was like, oh, Jesus must want me to keep drinking.
Says the FBI. What say you? What say you? I don't think I was like, oh, Jesus must want me to keep drinking. Says what say you?
What say you?
I don't think Jesus was like, you know what?
You're not done with the head.
Think about it.
So you turn it from water into, you know, Snapple.
It was wine.
It was wine.
And then I came back out.
And so like for the next six months, I kept drinking and drinking.
And he was actually my boss this time over at All Death.
And he almost had to fire me because I came in late on a shoot and shit.
And then I finally was just like, all right, let me go get sober.
So I haven't had a drink since November 22nd, 2017.
Damn, bro.
2017?
2017.
We're going on three years.
Dang.
I went by fast.
Well, for me, I don't have to personally struggle with that.
I probably felt like that.
So I like this.
So you guys have a podcast where it was just started with you guys going back and forth
about these things.
And you're this pious dude.
I wouldn't even say that.
It's just Doughboy was really wilding out.
And Kev is, I respect Kev because he's a religious person that doesn't put on airs, doesn't pretend
to be holier than thou.
God is the center of his life.
And you don't have to be like him.
If you want advice, he'll give it to you.
How nice is that? Having God be the center. That's just, I feel you don't have to be like him right if you want advice he'll give it to you how nice is that having god be the center that's just i feel like i've never heard it
described that way but that is literally it like i feel like because i used to get i got so much
crap for moving to la i remember one deacon was like you moving to the land of sinking sand you
know like there's one other girl that's what he said for real one of the girls like you moving
to la that's just full of people who try to make it. I was like, what? I mean, I don't care.
You're right.
Yeah.
But, you know, so people get mad because I would do comedy in comedy clubs.
Like, how can you do that and be around those people?
Like, bro, this is my job.
Like, this is what I do for a living.
I can't practice.
There's no Christian comedy club.
If you want to be good at comedy, you have to practice in comedy clubs with drunks, get
heckled.
Otherwise, you're trash.
You know what I'm saying? Have you done it in churches before oh yeah oh yeah i've done in
churches colleges comedy this new tour is all comedy clubs because the material is a little
more risque for me uh but churches churches are the best venues ever they have great sound systems
they're not in the business of renting out their stuff so they're not like trying to get rich
so they like me they're like man, we'll do it for free.
We'll give you volunteers.
They got crazy amount of seats, great parking.
Literally, I was like, this is fantastic.
So my agent was like, no, comedy club.
I was like, no, church.
Just like 100% of the door at the church.
How do they pay?
Do they pass the bucket?
No, no.
You're right.
Tickets.
Oh, they sell tickets?
Yeah, I sell tickets.
And now, do you give 10% to Jesus or anything? Of the personal ties? No, no. You're right. Tickets. Oh, they sell tickets? Yeah, I sell tickets. And now, do you give 10% to Jesus or anything?
Of the personal ties?
Yeah, yeah.
How do you talk?
Jesus is my manager?
Jesus didn't work that out with CAA.
Jesus didn't work that out with CAA?
Talk to my agent about that, Jesus.
That's the thing that sucks about agents, man.
You taking a worse deal.
And the club is a good deal.
Like the door deal, 80% is a relatively good deal.
Then you got to pay your agent.
So you're getting like 70% of the door.
Like that's a lot to give away.
When you were getting 100% at bigger venues.
Yeah.
But also.
How did you fill it up?
Now, because did you have a big following off the podcast or ADD to fill it up?
No.
Because Churches see a lot of people.
Yeah, Churches see a lot of people.
So I had a lot of fans from just my social media, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube.
All Def gave me a lot of fans, but a lot of All Def fans don't buy tickets.
They're 12.
They're super young, so they don't buy tickets.
They don't buy merch.
They just engage with the content.
Yeah, too young to.
They love to like something.
No, I'm just kidding. Yeah. Oh, my my god i didn't even hear it clearly it came around the other ear and i was like oh so that's what he said but um so i would say it's a lot of the i
started going viral doing church videos about the black church and stuff like that so it's
pretty much that audience and then it's grown to the Righteous
and Rageous audience
the Love Hour podcast
audience I do with my wife
I love it
I don't know why
anybody would leave it
nah
there's this like weird
maybe there's this weird
pressure comics
put on ourselves
we're like we want to
make it in the traditional
way to make it
oh it's this prestige
so dumb
bro my agent was
trying to give me
like theaters
theater deals are
the worst deals ever
they're literally the worst deals ever literally
the worst they're literally like somewhere like 50 yeah after like a huge like seven eight thousand
dollar minimum like this is literally the you know my agent was like but the prestige like bro
prestige don't pay no bill thank you 100 don't pay no bill you gotta do it is for timing yeah
it's like i only have this much time in this place.
There's no way I can get 2,500 people.
Or if you can sell 150 and up ticket prices, then it makes sense.
Oh, that's another thing.
Yeah.
If you can sell big tickets.
Exactly.
You mean actually per ticket?
Yeah, yeah, per ticket.
Sometimes they're selling $100.
I don't like to gouge the fan too much.
No, no, no.
I understand.
If you're a guy like Jim Gaffigan, and that's what you do for a living.
That's what I'm talking about.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Or any of these guys. Yeah. But yeah, because you can't charge $100 what you do for a living. That's what I'm talking about. You know what I mean? Yeah. Or any of these guys.
Yeah.
But yeah, because you can't charge $100 at the comedy club.
No.
It's a little foul.
Absolutely not.
But yeah, the theater thing, I feel like comics are so excited to do theaters, because I feel
like they feel like it validates them in some way.
Yeah.
It's like, bro, like.
Bro, it's a business first.
The theaters also don't promote.
The clubs, a lot of clubs have returned people.
They got people just coming because they like the club.
Yeah.
You know, the theater is like, bro, you got to sell every single ticket.
Someone told me this.
I forget who told me.
They were like, if you're selling out clubs, that don't mean you're going to sell out theaters
because the club has something built in there.
They're like, if you do a theater, everybody that goes there is your fan.
Nobody goes, why don't we go to the theater tonight?
Yes, absolutely.
That's real talk.
Yes.
The comedy club.
Comedy club, they might do that, yeah.
They might just pull up.
Right.
Except for years on the road, that's how people came to see all of us, I'm sure.
Yes.
They had no clue the fuck we were.
Just coming up anyway.
Boom.
But you don't do that for a theater.
You go to see a person.
You have to tell them.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
So it costs you a lot in marketing, you know, ad buys, all that type of stuff.
So the clubs, I could do this forever.
That's why D.O.
Hughley, them big people, they still be in the clubs. Hell the club as a sold out weekend four or five hundred seats bro you're
making 50 60 70 grand if you can sell out all those cities you know i'm saying like yeah that's
big money that's real money low low low uh work for you they got people there working and theaters
you got to hire everybody in there And their union
And there's no
You can't even negotiate
That's crazy
Like when I just
Show your own people to run
No the venue will be like
You gotta have
Four police officers
New York
And we had to be out
At the exact moment
Oh they're not playing around
With none of that stuff
They're not playing
They'll charge you crazy
If you over
Ain't no grace
What
Say you're crazy
Before you eat
If you don't have a church
what do you do if you don't if anybody's like for dough boy you're a heathen dough boy and i've
talked about going on the road right yeah i would start going to hell they think dough's going to
hell comedy club off night yeah that's off night is the best way to get in because if you can prove
you can sell an off night full then the club will look at you like oh snap you sold a sunday night out tuesday a wednesday on your own like and the
comedy clubs aren't doing nothing like it's it's all gravy for them if you can actually sell um
other than that you got to do non-traditional venues colleges high schools well then you run
the risk of you know the quality of venue being completely different and you're trying to pay you
in hot wings yeah we had that last year bro we had a show in cincinnati we were in high school we got there super early racist is
that to try to pay you to in hot you know how that comes hey man you see the dough didn't really do
it was supposed to all the promoters yeah i hate that so don't come in that conversation i don't
know yeah but we were at a high school and the janitor was like oh man we forgot y'all was even
supposed to be here luckily i was just at work but they didn't know how to turn the lights on they didn't know how to work the soundboard it
was like y'all can go in there and i was like we don't know i got a contract like bro we don't
so we went back there turned the lights on ran the soundboard ourself like literally had to do it
like that and that's why i was like bro we can't be doing that people are paying their money
they're not really trying to but the school is like 400 bucks because they don't care but then
you also get there's nobody there because they're not a being.
Get what you pay for.
Exactly.
And your audience ain't trying to hear none of that.
Nope.
They don't want to hear nothing.
Nope.
Yeah, the comedy clubs are really, they're a perfect venue, man.
Yeah.
It's just, they're a perfect venue.
There's one thing that you change, obviously, which is the check drop.
You know, for some reason, the check gets dropped during the comedian's set.
It's infuriating.
And it's usually the best part of your set.
Son, sometimes they'll drop it as soon as 15 minutes into the set
because they want to stagger it throughout.
Yeah.
And the bad thing about, the nice thing about staggering is,
or the idea is like, okay, the whole room won't be paying bills.
The shitty thing about staggering is the whole room ends up paying bills
because this one is finishing while this one started
and I've got 90% of the fucking room
not paying any attention.
And I don't understand.
I ask every single club I go to,
I go, why do you guys drop it at the end?
And nobody has an answer.
It does make sense.
Nobody has a fucking answer.
And it's hard to get someone to laugh
who's double checking to make sure.
I ain't have no wings.
What? Nah, nah. Hey man, hold up. Hold checking makes your art. I ain't have no wings. What?
Nah, nah.
Hey, man, hold up.
Hold up, my boy.
I don't have no wings.
Like, bro, nothing's funny when your money's messed up.
Absolutely.
Because people don't even want to pay the two items.
They only do it because they have to.
Bro, when you have like a group of six that are dividing up a bill.
I didn't eat none of them nachos.
I will not be putting it on that.
Bro, I've almost stepped in and paid a bill.
Like, okay, please.
How much is $100?
I'll pay so you guys don't have to do math anymore.
That's the worst shit.
Why even be out if that's what you got to do?
Maybe we've been there.
Stop acting like you was ready to sit evenly.
Yeah, you were.
You was like, uh-huh.
You let me pay for a meal, too.
Bro, I paid for a meal.
This is his bracelet.
I want to feel like
I got it
Shit
I should have had you
Hawk that shit
For a fucking pretzel
Or whatever
Your boy would get excited
About food boy
Oh really
I still do
Can you still eat
I can but it's weird
Like I can't eat too much
I'll throw up
It's not weird
It's a fucking surgery you got
I know but no
But it was a lot
It's weird
The bypass did his job
He didn't really grasp The concept of that though Tell him about fucking surgery you got. I know, but no, but it was a lot. Weird, the bypass did his job.
He didn't really grasp the concept of that, though.
Tell them about
your last supper
before your bypass.
Oh, it was
a very epic day.
Teddy was there.
We ate everything.
Teddy's still thinking about it.
I want to relive it
with you, bro.
Last supper.
What all did we have?
I think we had fish.
Teddy said that shit
like you're talking
to a whole rock star
about groupies and stuff.
Tell him about that time he took down a male host.
You know about them lesbian bitches in Tennessee.
Hot row sliders, like hot row sliders, yes.
We had a tray.
They got a tray?
We did do that.
We got the whole nugget tray.
Me and Ted.
And you and us.
I was there too. And you and us. Yeah.
I was there too.
That's my daughter.
Now,
you took part in it,
but you weren't getting the surgery.
I know.
He's like,
yeah, man,
but this is going to be different. I'm going to support you.
I don't want nothing.
And that was the crazy thing. I'm the worst candidate
for the gastro
I didn't do nothing right
they told me to talk
to a therapist
I was like black people
don't do that
so I didn't do that
they told me
listen to that Charlamagne
you can ask Kev
they told me certain foods
not to eat
I was eating everything
like I would literally
go to lunch every day
and try to eat food
son I remember
we went on a roll once.
Yeah.
We ate like two wings.
Yeah.
I'll be right back.
It's like my stomach would be sitting there waiting for me to put the food down.
And every time we get down there, they'd be like, eh.
Dah.
Just throw it out.
I would just, and Ken would always eat lunch because he knew I wasn't going to finish my food.
But he never stopped ordering like he didn't have the surgery.
He's like, let me get three.
Yeah.
What you want, Ken?
I'm good, man.
He would wait until I was, he He was like, what you want?
Okay, cool, cool.
So he was like, you know, budgeting, eating off the shit that I wasn't going to eat.
Don't worry, throwing a lot of food away.
I've thrown a lot of food away.
I threw away a lot.
And I was throwing up a lot.
And then just the drinking.
I thought like, okay, I can't eat, so I can't drink.
That was a lie.
I was absolutely able to drink.
Okay.
A fifth a night.
That's 17 shots. That's a lot. That's a lot of alcohol, man. That was a lie. I was absolutely able to drink. Okay. A fifth a night. That's 17 shots.
That's a lot.
That's a lot of alcohol, man.
That's 17 shots.
No 38.
No 38.
No, whatever.
Don't wait for 85.
That got him a light buzz.
No, but I was doing that
when I was like 280,
I was still,
and the thing is,
when you get your stomach cut,
me drinking a whole bottle
is like a regular person
drinking two.
Right. I was a mess, man. You can ask these guys. I was a mess when you get your stomach cut, me drinking a whole bottle is like a regular person drinking two. Right.
I was a mess, man.
You can ask these guys.
I was a mess.
So now your stomach is still shrunk.
But it grew back a little bit.
So that's the thing people don't understand.
You can still gain weight back.
You ain't no punk, bro.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk.
You ain't no punk. You gotta fight that You gotta get your stomach Back to regular size Absolutely I'm gonna do a cookie conditioning
Like you know
I just eat cookie
I ate two today
But tomorrow
We going for three
In this bitch
For real
I ain't no quitter
Cookie conditioning
Three more reps
For real
So yeah
Oh this is too good
So somebody could get that surgery
And then they get fat again
Completely If they really work They say the leading cause Of death in that surgery And then they get fat again Completely
They say the leading cause of death
In that surgery is suicide
Because people will lose the weight
Gain it back
And then feel so much shame
And be like man
That's probably valid
Yeah
So it's like a real mental thing
That people go through
And then people
Some people hate themselves
How they look
With the loose skin afterwards
Like
That's another thing
That's when you got lucky.
I got lucky.
But people still say it to me.
No, no, he has it.
But it's not as bad
as some people.
No, I'm talking about your face.
Some people's face
Some people's face
Remember when Jonah Hill
got skinny
and he just looked like
a sponge?
Yes.
Remember him?
I seen him the other day.
He looked like he's back
at a cool size for him.
He looks great.
Yeah, I feel like
he's not supposed to be.
Bro, I was just about to say that. i think certain people have a certain body type yeah and outside
of that are you saying that because you don't want to look absolutely the fact that you called
me out on it i don't appreciate that but when i be like man this is actually i think this is what i
should be i think this is what i should be no go to hell Yes Cause I would look I would look sick
If I got to like Andrew's size
You'd look sick
I would look sick
Hey guess what
I look sick
You think I look like
The pinnacle of health
No
See he looks like
Two different people
Wow
I know dog
I didn't realize he got that small
But see I have a theory about this
I feel like
He looks like HIV Wolverine
Bam Zoom in on that pic Mark I feel like It looks like HIV Wolverine Bam
Zoom in on that pic Mark
Look at him with that
Smoothie full of
Fucking red blood cells
Or whatever it is
I have a theory about
People's sizes though
They look dead behind my eyes
Let me ask y'all this
I want y'all to answer this
Honestly because I believe you will
Alright go
Have you both seen Bad Boys 3?
Please tell me yes
Not yet God dang it I believe Yeah will. All right. Have you both seen Bad Boys 3? Please tell me yes. Not yet.
God dang it.
I believe.
Yeah.
I seen it.
I thought it was trash.
Oh. I believe.
He's it.
I believe the theory is
Fat Martin ain't funny.
I knew.
Yo, I believe this.
Fat Martin is not funny.
He's a physical comedian
that relied heavily,
no pun intended,
on the...
Physicality.
Yes.
And it's like when he's not that,
it's like...
I feel like
once you get to know a person
and find a person funny,
if their body type changes,
you're like,
ooh, this is weird.
This is definitely...
I'm a fan of Friends.
People clown me for that,
but when Chandler got fat
and...
Gay!
Fat.
Hey,
don't question
my Chandler being loved.
People would say
he looked like
he was dressed up in Big Mama's house
He does
And I'm not hating
And I love Martin so please I hope I don't want Martin to see this
And think I hate him but I'm like bruh
Fat Martin it just don't do it for me
Martin ain't been small in a while
He ain't been really hit with the jokes in a while
Holy shit
I'm just for his level of comedy
See now I'm gonna sound like a hater I'm just, I'm just, for his level of comedy. See, now I'm going to sound like a hater.
Bro, he, nah, bro, nah.
I'm getting canceled next year.
Look, I don't.
No, no, no.
Look at him.
Oh, my, look.
Come on.
Bro.
He looks like a squirrel, man.
Look at him.
Come on.
He looks like a potato.
Come on.
Fat Martin, come on.
Fat Martin don't look right.
You ain't really laughing at Fat Martin like Skinny Martin, bro.
No, Skinny Martin was so god damn funny. At Fat Martin Like Skinny Martin No Skinny Martin
Was so god damn funny
Now pull up Skinny Martin
Skinny Martin
You're just gonna say
He look funnier
Just by the look
Nah he looks funnier
Look at that
Come on man
He definitely looks funnier bro
Fat Martin is not the same
He just doesn't go like
It's so tragic
No
Go back to Fat Martin again
Let's look at it
Yeah look at that
That's him today
That's him right now, Fat.
I'm sorry, Fat Martin.
What you talking?
Fat Martin is funny.
I'm sorry, Fat Martin.
Calling him Fat Martin.
And I tried to watch it, too.
I'm like, I'm going to give Fat Martin a bit of a day.
I was watching it like, shut up.
Sam, I remember when You basted him
Like
Always looks glowing
Fat lips
Yeah
He's been through a lot
Remember when
Professor Klump
Was changing from
The skinny one
To the fat one
That's what Martin looks like
Like the hand just
Swole up and everything
Is this a form
Of fat shaming
Yes
Absolutely
Don't you think
Fat shaming Akash Is a fan of fat shaming? Yes, man. We fat shame on the podcast. Don't you think fat shaming...
Akash is a fan of fat shaming.
I'm a proponent of fat shaming.
Oh, yeah.
We did a whole episode
where Akash used to be fat.
Yeah.
Oh, he was.
He was fat as he did.
We didn't believe him.
He had childhood obesity.
You had childhood obesity?
Probably.
And that's why...
How did you do it?
Were your parents just letting you
eat whatever you wanted?
Yeah, man.
They loved me too much.
Or not enough.
I think it was one of each. I think it was one of each.
I think I had one of each.
The confusion led to the great game.
Like, just eat it or don't.
I don't care.
Mom was like, no, you're great however you are.
And Dad was like, I don't give a fuck.
I don't know what you want to do with me.
See, that was tough for me because I was the only fat person in my family.
So I used to think I was like, ah.
I was like, man.
Was it because you ate all the food?
Yeah.
But you would just think, how come don't nobody else look like me here?
Because you're eating all the food.
Well, fuck that.
I was a growing boy.
You were 28.
I was always telling myself.
How old are you, 38?
I'm 40.
I just hit 40.
You look great.
Yes, man.
Actually, it's good you lost it
because then it starts
being problematic.
That's what that,
and you know,
all jokes aside,
the number one thing was,
I was like,
I don't really be seeing
300 pounds 60 year olds.
Facts.
You know what I'm saying?
You don't really see
300 pounds 70 year olds.
You got a daughter.
You got to live for your daughter.
Facts don't travel well,
so I was like,
I got to get down to the point
where I want to live.
It travels.
It just needs two seat belts.
Absolutely.
Yo, when I was in Japan, I was on a roller got to get down to the point where I want to live. It travels. It just needs two seat belts. Absolutely.
Yo, when I was in Japan, I was on a roller coaster and it wouldn't click.
And they brought out the extender.
I was like, I'll walk home from Japan.
I would rather die with this thing not clicking than you have to bring the extender out here.
I would perish.
I would die before I let you put that on.
I wrote it with the extender. Clearly you wrote it with the extender.. I wrote it with a C.
Clearly you wrote it with a C. I clearly wrote it with a C.
I told myself it's because I was tall.
What was more remarkable to them was that you were black or that you were that fat?
I didn't really get no black thing.
Everybody always says when you go overseas, black this, black that.
I've been overseas a lot.
I don't really get.
Also, we live in America.
It's hard being black
here yeah the police killing i know americans and i know indians indians hate y'all more do they
for sure than white people i don't know i don't you mean any people in india dark indians you know
what dark in every race is the worst. Except black dudes.
No, I'm serious.
Dark skinned black dudes get more love than black skinned regular dudes. That's celebrities, though.
Dark skinned regular dudes.
Wait, but Indians don't mess with black people?
What?
Alex, do you think you're light?
Yeah, I'm in the middle.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm dark.
You're closer to dark skinned.
You're not dark.
I am dark.
You're not dark.
Darker than you.
That don't mean, you're dark.
I'm not that dark skinned.
Shut up. Barely. That was a dark. Darker than you. That don't mean, you're dark. I'm not that dark-skinned. Shut up.
Barely.
That was a dark-skinned move right there.
That was dark-skinned energy, bro.
You might, dude.
You saw he did that?
Shut up.
Then you're all light-skinned,
and I'm like, okay.
Ain't it funny that as soon as Charlamagne got light-skinned,
he started talking about therapy and anxiety?
Is that a coincidence?
Yo.
Darcy and Charlamagne are going to see this.
I feel my feelings now.
I bet you do, Charla.
Hey, let's take a break for a second and pay some bills.
If you're watching on YouTube, you can see that we're in yet another location.
That's right.
We're serving you looks this episode.
You just type in Flavorant2 on YouTube and you can subscribe to the channel.
But bill time.
Maybe my favorite bill to pay, if I'm being honest with you, because it's a bill that keeps on paying.
It pays everybody forward.
That's right. it's Bluetooth.
If you're new to the podcast
and your dick game is at 80%,
why don't you get it to 100%?
If it's at 50%, why don't you get it to 100%?
If it's at 100%, why don't you take it to 120%?
Yeah, Bluetooth.
Give your girl the night of her life.
Give your wife the night of her life. Give your wife the night of her life.
Give that girl that you're nervous to take out on a date.
You finally got her going on a date with you.
And she's ready to throw down.
She's been sending you pictures of her feet.
The best type of nudes.
If you're ready to do it.
BlueChew.com slash flagrant.
Use the promo code flagrant.
Use that promo code flagrant. Use that promo code flagrant.
All right?
You're going to get free Blue Chew.
All you got to do is pay $5 shipping.
I mean, that might not be the best deal in the entire world.
$5 in shipping, free Blue Chew.
You give the women in your life the night of their life.
That's all I got to say about that.
Promo code flagrant. bluechew.com,
B-L-U-E-C-H-E-W.com. Now let's get back to the show. Oh, by the way, same active ingredients
that's in Viagra or Cialis or any of these drugs, the exact same thing, only it's chewable,
so it goes twice as fast. That's right. You waiting around it's in the system a couple jumping jacks that dick's gonna hit your
chin let's get back to the show bro that's an interesting ass point so you used to be dmx
so it's difficult traveling as a black guy it's not it's not it's not like i don't feel like it's
any more difficult than anything else being black i don. I don't get a whole bunch more weird looks in Japan or Spain or Amsterdam or whatever
than I get here.
Like, we got the cops called on us at our studio twice.
The first week we moved in.
Right.
And then, like, maybe a month or two ago.
We got kicked out for being black, basically.
What were you guys doing?
We were playing spades.
Doing black stuff. But one of the, so the owner, they had. Were you were playing spades doing black stuff but uh one of the so the
owner they had really playing spades yeah they're playing spades that's so funny we were doing it
on video though that's how you break into space that's how you break it on video for world star
regular thing so what did the cops say when they so both time the cop like literally
one time the cops came we we were playing Trouble.
We played this game night thing on our channel.
Yeah.
You got what you were looking for.
Literally.
Literally.
Like that game.
Yeah.
So the cop was like super irritated that they had to even come out.
A white cop and a Mexican cop.
And they were like, man, I don't know, man.
The lady downstairs called.
They said they didn't know what was going on.
Like we literally eating sandwiches and playing Trouble.
The first time we were arm wrestling.
You're saying the word Trouble a lot? No, like literally like literally playing the game trouble i know but is does that involve saying
the word like maybe she just hears a few black guys out there like yeah you in trouble and then
oh were we saying the word trouble no no no we weren't saying the word trouble i'ma get you
playing a board game with your friends is frightening for a lady downstairs
if you're black and loud because we were like unapologetically black.
Yeah.
Like, you know, black, we just, we're loud people.
Yeah.
We don't really do.
That's why magicians love black people.
We give the best reactions to magic.
Whoa.
We be like, we have never seen magic.
And we've seen, David Blaine, you don't be going to Simi Valley to do the magic.
He go to Crimshaw.
And black people like oh my god
oh my god
start shooting dice it's crazy
it is crazy to like
y'all don't believe in anything except magic
yeah
like black people
I don't trust nobody I don't trust
white people I don't trust the government
did he put a quarter out of my
how the fuck you got that quarter, bro?
This guy's crazy, dog.
Yo, that is hilarious.
This guy is really a magician, dog.
We really don't be voting.
Do it again.
Do it again.
Literally.
Look at this shit.
But Magic, bro.
Magic got you, dude.
That's what Trump should do.
He should run on that.
Yo.
Yo, black people.
I'm bringing Magic back to America like, what?
You know, Trump is doing magic.
He's like, what?
You know, I'm not going to do magic.
I'm going to do magic.
I'm going to do magic. I'm going to do magic. I'm going to do magic. I'm going on that. Black people, I'm bringing magic back to America.
Trump be doing magic.
For my next trick, I'll be making these Mexicans disappear.
Wow.
Oh my God.
That ain't Houdini.
He got to switch it to like M-A-G-A-C, magic.
Make America great again, cunt.
That was the weirdest thing I think about the Super Bowl for me was seeing a Donald Trump commercial.
Oh, we were just talking about that.
That was so weird to me.
How conflicted did you feel knowing he freed black people?
I literally was like...
Because they set it up so sad.
Like it was a black person like...
Yeah, they didn't reveal it was a black person like huh they didn't yeah
they didn't reveal it was Trump
till the end
nah
this is great
got to go on board first
but then it's fucked up
that they made the girl go
I was free
like
it was terrible
I was like man
this is great
I just made that up right now
you absolutely did it
is this it right here
nah
that's not the one
this was the military one
they had literally
a black person one
freeing prisoners,
and then they had the F-16 one that was like,
we love the military, support our troops one.
Yeah.
Super Bowl commercials ain't what they used to be no more.
I was like, this is what we're doing?
I think that's because of the advent of the internet.
We see so much funny stuff on the internet day to day.
We don't have to wait until once a year to be impressed.
That's why SNL sucks.
That's why late night sucks. Yes. We heard the joke day to day. We don't have to wait until once a year to be impressed. That's why SNL sucks. That's why late night sucks.
Yes.
We heard the joke already
seven times.
By the time y'all get to it,
you're so late.
You're done.
Wow.
And you're just the end of the week.
That's it.
Wow.
On Twitter,
I've laughed more at Twitter.
Okay,
this is flavoring too.
Go.
The day that we killed
the dude in Iran,
I can't remember his name.
Soleimani.
Bruh. Yeah. The black Iran, I can't remember his name. Soleimani. Bruh.
The black Twitter, I can't remember a time I laughed that hard.
Saturday Night Live has not been that funny in 25 years.
What did they say on it?
Oh, no, they didn't.
I'm going to say comparatively.
It's like, bro, and it was just regular, everyday people.
Black girls was like, I know we was talking about equality and stuff,
but they talking about the draft.
The draft, we cooking. It was them doing laundry bro it was just it was perfect and it was because
you shouldn't have been laughing and you still laughed right that's what made it funny and then
people are you shouldn't laugh like obviously this is like terrible in real life yeah but that's
that's great comedy when you know you shouldn't laugh and it's funny anyway but man by the time
that comes down and I laugh,
I'm not staying up late for that.
Absolutely.
We was laughing in real time.
I mean,
thinking back when we were at All Def
because back when we used to write sketches,
if something would happen topical,
it was like a little system
that happened to have
like we have to write the sketch
and it'd probably be like
two or three days
and then it got to the point
where it was like,
okay,
we're already too late.
Now,
if you don't get it that day,
it's not even no point.
Someone had a shot on your phone
the moment it happened. So to try to wait till Saturday, it's like, bro, we've moved on. Forget it if you don't get it that day, it's not even no point. Somebody shot on your phone the moment it happened.
So to try to wait
until Saturday,
it's like, bro,
we've moved on.
Forget it.
I also think
for Super Bowl commercials,
back when we were kids,
beer commercials
had all the money
and spent all the money
and commercials
are always funny.
Now it's a bunch
of Silicon Valley dorks
out there.
I was just like...
Yeah, nerds don't know
what to do
to make the brand funny.
The MC Hammer commercial,
I was just like...
What happened with that one?
Can't touch this.
He was trying to dance. He was just dancing with... I was just like, can't touch this. He was trying to dance.
He was just dancing.
I was just like,
it was like,
I had enough.
I didn't like any of the commercials.
There wasn't none
that really stuck out to me.
I was just like.
Anthony Anderson
and his mom was funny.
That was probably the funny one.
Oh yeah, she was good.
The awesome one was funny
where the cop,
hocks itself or whatever.
It was John Krasinski
and two other actors from Boston.
He has a Hyundai commercial and they were just speaking in a Boston accent.
Oh, I didn't see that one.
It was a funny commercial.
The cop pox itself or whatever.
The cop pox, the pox, the cox.
They just kept doing all this shit in the Boston accent and it was funny.
Yeah.
Stupid ass accent.
Revere.
They mentioned Revere.
Yo, Revere.
You know like you have the times in your life where you laugh
like the hardest one of the hardest times in my life that i think i've ever laughed and
would you say the same yeah yeah yeah we're at akasha's apartment in brooklyn one of his first
apartments when he moved in the city there were rats all over it he had a chinese landlord that
wouldn't talk to him she just would say in her like thick chinese accent the amount of money they
owed left
because they would all
pay to rent in different ways
so she would just
walk up
she would go
Akash
$400
Akash
Akash
Akash
Akash
and there was always
the one roommate
from Boston
who was an alcoholic
and a pathological liar
would never
never pay
and she'd be like
Akash
where's the pen
the pen
I need money
where's the pen
the thickest accent he lied he lied he lied he lied Never pay her. And she'd be like, Akka, where's the pen? The pen, I need money. Where's the pen? The kid is asking you.
No, he lying.
He lying.
He lying.
He lying.
He lying to me.
He's like, I don't know what to tell you.
And he brought my money.
So we're over there.
And they were telling us about when they would play youth hockey.
And youth hockey was a big thing in Boston.
They were in South Boston, like where this accent is from, right?
Yeah.
It's like the typical, every Ben Affleck movie, like Southie, South Boston, like where his accent is from, right? Yeah. Typical, every Ben Affleck movie, like Southie, South Boston, right?
And in South Boston, when the kids would play hockey, the whole city would come out, or
the whole town would come out.
So it was a full stadium.
And where were they?
They were playing Revere.
They were playing Revere, which is another city.
Got it.
Right?
And they heckled the kids.
These are five-year-old kids.
They were heckling the children?
The adults are heckling?
The adults are heckling the children.
And they have songs, like in soccer,
you know how the whole team chants the songs?
They have a chant,
and one of the chants went like this.
Go.
Who is from Revere?
All queers.
What?
Who's from Revere?
A lot of queers.
At a youth hockey game? To children? Five-year-old children. The whole stadium. Who's from Revere? A lot of queers.
At a youth hockey game?
To children?
Five-year-old children?
The whole stadium.
Who's from Revere?
All queers.
Who's from Revere?
A lot of queers.
Really? It don't even make sense rhythmically.
You don't have the same syllables.
Bro, you cried laughing at that shit, dude
Oh my god
This little fucker of yours
What's a quid?
You and your teammates
God damn
That's a rough upbringing
To take that at five
Boston is the white hood, five Boston is the white hood
Boston is the white hood
Oh man
That's why this motherfucker
Is so funny though dude
All the funniest comics
Come to Boston man
Bill Burr's special
Bill Burr had a good special
His last one
I was like man
You really
You are
Good at this
He's like
Sometimes you see comics
Even though you do comedy
You see somebody else
It's like this must be
What it feels like
To watch LeBron
in the NBA.
Like,
I'm also playing this sport,
but not at the level
you're playing.
Like,
you might even be an all-star,
but when LeBron's at his level,
you're like,
this is different to LeBron,
man,
he should be in the league.
This dude is a machine.
Like,
he's not supposed to be this good
at year 17.
You're not supposed
to be this good still.
He's supposed to be
posting people up by now. He's like, nah'm gonna play the same way happening that the athletes are millions
of dollars he spends on his body every year yo real talk it's the investment he spends millions
of dollars every i mean the best trainer food hyperbaric treatment literally everything you
could possibly do but then why didn't his peers do the same thing because the people that he got
drafted with they're stupid are not like in the same
type of shape.
Bro, but like,
I mean, think about...
None of them are still playing.
Bost, retired.
Wade.
Who else went in that draft?
Who?
Walton?
Carmelo.
Darko Milicic.
Carmelo retired.
Carmelo back.
Carmelo back.
Yeah, Darko.
He was never anything.
Everybody in that draft
is gone or done.
And he's just still playing.
He's playing at a high level.
Tom Brady, 42, talking about he's going to come back.
Because those guys, their focus, their discipline is different.
That's the thing.
Like, y'all playing the same sport, but you're not doing it the same way.
That's the thing.
I think you find out what you want once you get there.
Like, some people, they just want pussy.
They just want fame.
But I think a lot of guys get to the NBA, and that's just their goal, to get there.
Yeah.
Joe Johnson, y'all want me to win championships, bro?
I'm just trying to get paid. What is so hard to understand'all want me to win championships, bro. I'm just trying to get paid.
What is so hard
to understand about that?
I don't care about championships.
I don't want to go
to the playoffs.
Trade me to,
he would get good.
The team would get good
and be like,
all right,
trade me to somebody.
They're becoming contenders.
Trade me to a non-contender.
Then he went to the big three.
He's like,
oh, this is my speed.
Oh, he's not even
in the league no more?
No, he came back to the league
now because he was
hooping the big three. Or is he in the league? I think he got signed. I don't think he's playing now. the league No he came back To the league now Because he was Hooping the big three
Or is he in the league
I think he got signed
I don't think he's playing now
I think he got signed
For a little bit
But he was like
A top ten player
He was nice
He had a massive contract
With the Hawks
84 million
He left the Suns
Got 84 million
He got paid big time
Like three times
I remember he would be like
He'd be released
And he'd be that guy
That's like
In the middle of the season
You can
After they're bought out
You can pick him up
And he would just never
Go to the best team
He'd always just go
Yes A decent team Losing the the first, second round, be out.
Bro, and chilling.
They said that about, I guess, Chris Paul.
They were asking him, would he take less to go to a contender?
He was like, nope.
Oklahoma City?
Where I'm at?
No.
Because he can wave his-
Bro, the thing is, Chase and Reeds, it creates your Kevin Durant.
Kevin Durant's example is are, oh, forget you.
Like, you can't win.
The difference is, Kevin Durant could have been the best player in the league.
Chris Paul, right now, you're never going to be the best player in the league.
True.
Ever.
This is done.
You're past your prime.
Go get a ring.
Contribute.
Nobody knocks Gary Payton.
No.
He got a ring when he was on the heat, when he couldn't do it on his own.
He tried to do it on his own.
I forgot that he went to the heat
Chris Paul did that
I would respect him going to the heat
Shit he went to the Lakers
And the heat
Yeah
He was chasing that ring
People don't mind you chasing your ring
When you're past your prime
It's chasing your ring early
That we don't like
Like you gotta
Like Garnett too
He chased
For the all Timberwolves thing
Fan mentality is crazy
There's certain
It's because certain narratives
Make sense
But why is that
Like if you were in a position And you're a professional athlete and you can
leave a situation from a bad team and go to a good one,
why wouldn't that be celebrated?
I don't mind you going to a good team.
Personally,
I mind you going to the best team.
Yeah.
If you go to a good team,
cause your management sucks.
Like LeBron leaving Cleveland the first time you should have left.
Right.
Yeah.
They listened to you too much.
Quite frankly,
you need organizations,
but going to Miami to you guys.
But going to Miami
to be with the second best
player in the league
and then bringing Chris Paul
who's another top 10 player
or whatever
it's like that's too much.
If he went to the Bulls
I'd have been like
I respect.
We didn't know Derrick Rose
was going to be that good.
Just a good team.
We always want to root for David.
That's the
the Warriors are a perfect example.
When they were scrappy
we loved them.
When they got good
we were like
we hate y'all now.
Same thing with the Patriots.
Everybody is sticking it to them, too, this year.
They're never going to make the All-Stars.
They're trying to do what the Spurs did with Tim Duncan.
Any team that trades to take on Knicks players, they're trying to...
You're not committed to victory, bro.
If you are calling the Knicks like, who you got?
You are competing for a lottery pick.
That's hilarious.
You see they're trying to make the deal.
They're trying to make that with D'Angelo Russell, right?
But do you know how crazy that is?
They're trying to move D'Angelo Russell?
Yeah.
That's what I heard.
Well, the Knicks are going to give them everything.
It's just.
This is a team that two years ago was like one of the biggest dynasties ever.
Now they can be a lottery team.
But that's because that way they get the good a good pick something play coming back next year they
got stuff coming back next year it's perfect it's a smart move it's the spurs back in the game when
dan robinson broke his ankle or foot and they got tim duncan yeah they literally ran that for 20
years it's the best position to be in yeah there is no duncan right now yeah but i mean they were
gonna lose regardless so you might as well completely lose and get a lottery pick.
Yo, y'all heard this shit
about Kawhi?
The strip club
and New Balance hoodie on?
Nah, not the strip club thing.
That's hilarious, dog.
I did see that video.
And he was so Kawhi
with the money.
He made the strip club
the least interesting.
He's like Eeyore.
He's like,
can you get excited
about anything? He don can you get excited about anything
he don't even get excited about basketball it's crazy when they won the
championship you're like bro you won he's like
yeah he's the blackest russian i've ever seen
perfectly there but apparently um apparently there's some beef someone was
explaining some beef about um about practices because he
lives in san diego and he helicopters r.i.p kobe right but he helicopters to the clippers facility
and so if there's bad weather and shit the practice got to be moved around him and it's
causing some issues i heard about that paul george we're getting preferential treatment
listen bro get get with it you need to get preferential treatment. Listen, bro. Get with it. You need to get preferential treatment.
No. Yes. Listen,
the world doesn't
care if you're not the best. The people who
are the best get life easier.
Be the best so you can get it. But what do you say to those
other 11-year-olds? You are not Kawhi.
That's what you say, Little League.
So you expect them to put their bodies
and their livelihood on the line
every night while this guy just gets to be home chilling?
Absolutely.
Fuck that.
I would not want to play with that guy.
Yeah, but then come playoffs.
Then we're supposed to be brothers in the trenches?
We're not supposed to be brothers, though.
When it's playoffs and there's three minutes left
and you're giving the ball to Kawhi every single possession,
you're not like, yo, we brothers, homie.
You're going, how do I give you the ball and get out the way?
Exactly.
So you got to do the work during the season.
He takes you to promised land in the playoffs.
I think it's wild to live in San Diego, but generally speaking,
I think that's terrible.
Best players get the preference.
You don't think LeBron gets preferential treatment?
But guys, he be taking off games.
Absolutely.
But are you giving up them game checks?
I doubt it.
No.
So you want to get paid and not play?
But listen, this is what happens though.
The Raptors win though.
The Raptors win though the Raptors win
the Raptors let him do all that
and he left
and they weren't even mad
and I think that's the worst thing
that could happen to the NBA
because now
Raptors got her best record
in the league
and they balling again
it's kind of crazy
really
why shouldn't have left
I don't think
but
they still want to change
if he took games off
and then they don't win
now you got to start
answering questions
I just don't see how you how that's a sustainable model for a sports franchise or even sports
because how do you make all the other 80% of the guys that aren't megastars buy into that?
Because somebody else will come play.
Real quick.
You're a LeBron fan.
LeBron got ready.
He was ready to get rid of everyone on the Lakers for Anthony Davis.
Didn't happen.
His teammates were mad at him.
What the fuck you really going to do?
We're going to make this trade the offseason.
And are you mad at LeBron for getting AD?
Or are they a much better team?
LeBron is like the airlines.
We lost your bag.
What you finna do about it?
Your flight's canceled.
What you finna walk?
Shut up.
We'll put you on the next flight when we put you on the next flight.
We be mad at him.
He be like, nigga, shut up. Shut up. We'll put you on the next flight when we put you on the next flight. We'd be mad. They'd be like,
nigga, shut up.
Shut up.
Remember we were in Amsterdam?
What you gonna do?
They left like an hour late
and they didn't even say nothing.
They was just at the gate like,
we'll leave when we leave.
He went up and asked like,
when we gonna leave
when we say we're boarding?
You're like,
what you gonna do?
Nothing.
Shut up.
It's a boat outside.
You ain't finna do nothing. Be as mad as you boat outside. You ain't finna do nothing.
Be as mad as you gonna
be. You ain't finna do nothing.
That's gotta suck, though. You can't whoop
LeBron, neither.
Did you see LeBron play football?
The Lakers thing? This dude
looks like a cyborg.
He look like he could go to the NFL
right now and be
a tight end and go to the Pro Bowl.
And there's only one guy we've seen put the clamps on LeBron, and it's Kawhi.
So what you going to tell Kawhi?
I think it's bad for the league.
And I'll tell you, I will make a prediction here on your show.
I think that attitude is what's going to stop the Clippers from being successful in the postseason.
Because you cannot manufacture energy.
You can't manufacture energy. You know what's never worked for the Clippers in the postseason. Because you cannot manufacture energy. You can't manufacture energy.
You know what's never worked for the Clippers in the postseason?
Being the Clippers.
They got to do something different.
Have they even made it to the conference finals ever?
No.
They have.
They didn't make no noise.
It seems like just last year they had Lob City.
What happened to Lob City?
Nothing.
Went to Detroit and Oklahoma City.
They lost as a team and they got traded as a team.
It's true.
Bro, the funniest thing, I know we passed that,
but when LeBron tried to trade everybody, they didn't get traded.
He was just like, well.
He didn't even apologize.
He was like, it's AD.
And then he got them in the summer?
Yeah, man.
And now you got to move to New Orleans.
Lonzo, what you going to do?
Nothing.
Nothing.
Pack your bags, boy.
I think basketball is the only sport like that where one person can have that much say over things.
Quarterbacks, kind of, but basketball is still different.
Kind of in Premier League soccer, they have that type of...
Oh, you're talking about Premier League soccer,
they have that type of impact, too.
Just one person being...
Maybe the quarterback.
Tom Brady has that type of power.
You know what?
Just one person can change the game in basketball.
Absolutely.
Football can't.
And he plays both sides of the ball.
Bro. Yeah. And he plays both sides of the ball.
Bro.
Yeah.
And he still has fucking cornrows.
Why does he have that?
Who?
Kawhi? Kawhi.
Why?
Yeah, Kawhi.
Why does he still have cornrows?
Him and Pusha T.
You don't play with either one of those dudes.
Y'all really dangerous.
We've been past those hairstyles for a good 15 years.
He's just wearing it like it's a normal thing.
Like, what are you doing?
Yo, that's the mark of a black sociopath.
Cornrows.
For real.
You got no feelings for anyone if you're black and you got cornrows.
I got no remorse.
In 2020?
I got no nothing.
Kawhi don't have no designs either.
Just straight back.
Just straight back.
Just straight.
No personality.
With a weird laugh.
He laughs like a serial killer.
I'm telling you, bro, God gives people too much basketball talent.
He gives them nothing else.
No other personality thing.
He probably can't read or write like, I don't need you to do that.
I need you to dunk.
Is that wrong to say that if it came out that Kawhi was illiterate, I'd be like,
no.
Right.
They say that about Michael Jordan.
You ever heard him talk on a mic?
the roof is the ceiling
not that he's illiterate
but like
they low key imply
that he's not
that intelligent
but he be hooping though
is that true?
yeah you remember
Kendrick Lamar
saying I'm Michael Jordan
on the mic?
have you seen this?
he got a billion dollars
that's gonna break my heart
Michael Jordan's jeans
oh his suit
his suit game is gone.
He still wear hoop earrings, too.
He got the jaundice eyes.
Michael Jordan was fully fucking retarded this whole time.
He's this genius basketball player.
Oh, my God, yo.
What is he doing?
Why?
Why?
He looks like one of them housing dancers.
Like a house or like he's's gonna do a Russian kick.
That is ridiculous.
Michael Jordan probably got 18 on the SATs.
But he went for 25 and 20 that night.
Bro, what is he doing?
What is he doing?
That is ridiculous.
Bro, he's low-key like the history on Michael Jordan.
Remember his Hall of Fame speech?
He was like, yeah, remember that dude from third grade?
Yeah.
We're like, bro, you got to let that go.
I didn't mind the speech, but yeah.
You like that speech where he brought the guy?
Yeah, man, you sound so white on this podcast.
Oh.
You can't put one player ahead of the whole team.
What kind of precedent does that set for the league?
I don't know why Michael Jordan can't be more humble
like Larry Bird.
John Stockton,
now there's a player.
That's a guy
who understood the team.
He was hardworking
and scrappy.
No black players
are ever described
as scrappy.
That's only white receivers.
That's how you know
how trash Patrick Bed Beverly is, yo.
All of his compliments
are for white players, right?
Man, that guy tries hard on defense.
Have you seen it?
He puts in.
He's not afraid to get in there and do the dirty work.
He's not afraid to do the dirty work.
You're describing Patrick Beverly or Wes Walker.
Belichick's waiting for him to retire like i could do something
all right we're gonna stop pay some bills real quick this is actually really important if any
of you listening right now um have a business where you're selling things online i don't care
if they're cards sneakers things that you yourself uh make You're using Amazon, Etsy. I don't care what
shipping service you're using, FedEx, UPS, et cetera. There's a way to better organize this
system, treat it like a real business so you can keep track of every single order that you have
going out, know where they're going, know when it's arrived, know everything that's going on
with your business. And that is using ShipStation.com. ShipStation.com, it's arrived. Know everything that's going on with your business. And that is
using ShipStation.com. ShipStation.com, it keeps track of every single order. You can use FedEx,
you can use UPS, you can use all these different shipping brands. And you can do it through all
the different websites, various websites that you're selling your products from. It just
organizes everything that you have. So you have it on one interface, you know where everything is.
And hey, you have a real fucking business that way. All right. And it's just getting stickers all around your apartment.
You're throwing on random boxes, orders are getting lost, et cetera. This is the real deal.
And if you don't believe me, why don't you just try it for free? You go to shipstation.com,
use the promo code flagrant, and you get 60 days for free. Free trial. If it helps your business,
helps organize your business
in any way, shape, or form,
helped organize that side hustle that you got going
in any way, shape, or form,
and you like it, then use it.
Simple as that.
We're giving you a free trial offer
because we believe in it.
That's how much the company believes in itself as well.
Free trial offer.
ShipStation.com.
S-H-I-P Station.com.
Use the promo code flagrant. And takeH-I-P Station.com. Use the promo code FLAGRANT.
And take your business to the next level.
Make ship happen.
Huh?
Huh?
All right, let's get back to the show.
That was sick, man.
Akash had that voice in him, though.
Every race can make white people voices perfectly.
Absolutely.
White people cannot do a black voice good.
They always say yo-yo.
Yo-yo.
Yo-yo.
Why is it always yo-yo? How do you do a good black voice? What's a a black voice good. They always say yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. Why is it always yo, yo?
How do you do a good black voice?
What's a good black voice?
I have no idea.
I don't know why it's so hard for other races to get it.
Like, they can get like Barack Obama's voice.
Right.
But not average black dude voice.
What's average black dude voice?
Hit it.
What up, yo?
It's your boy, Kev.
We out here.
You feel me?
Could be whatever, Kev.
Finna get after this hummus yo black people on the hummus bro
i had hummus today with pretzels I'm like yeah cuz you say yeah cuz
saw bro
the roasted red pepper
with the little red peppers
in the middle
bruh
Meg the Stallion
bruh
Meg the Stallion
on hummus
yo
G-Eazy put on a record
all black people
having a rough day today
G-Eazy was kissing
Meg the Stallion
that just felt weird
oh bruh
yeah
you know what it looked like?
You ever seen like a puppy
suck on its mom's nipples
to try to get milk?
You know how the mom
just laid over the stallion
and the puppy just
This is what you gonna get.
Oh, yeah.
Look at even the way
he kissed her.
It looks so weird.
It did not look believable.
Somebody on Twitter
said it looked like
That one discolored ass puppy
that I love. This one ain't gonna get adopted. The run, hold on, look believable. Somebody on Twitter said it looked like discolored ass puppy.
This one ain't gonna get adopted.
The run.
Hold on.
Nothing about that video was.
Man, that shit is too funny, bro.
Broke my heart.
It did.
I'm gonna tell you
there's a huge double standard, though.
He does look like a puppy
on the teeth.
Now I can't unsee it.
He's the run of the litter.
You look like you're trying to make up for his lips not being big.
He's got a double lip.
This is how black people get...
He even grabbed the cheeks.
He was right there.
Come on, son. Look at his gimp up. Go back to that. Have you seen him gimp up at the... Come on, yeah. He even grabbed the cheeks. Oh, God. He was right there. Come on, son.
Look at Gip up.
Go back to that.
Have you seen him Gip up at the fuck?
Come on, G.
We share a face.
You got to do better.
Y'all do got to do better.
You got both of our reputations.
He's too happy to be there, man.
You know Schultz, you would have grabbed cheeks.
You know Schultz, you would have...
I don't know what that move is right there.
Yeah, I don't know what that move is right there Yeah I don't like this
And
Let me move
Come on fam
He look like a magnum
I'm respectful of that
That was crazy bro
Go full palsy
What's that That was crazy, bro. Go full palsy.
What's that?
That's Megan Stallion's PR team posted that.
Or not the PR team.
Her fan club posted that meme after the video came out.
That's hilarious.
Oh, snap.
It was a good day, man. How tall is Meg?
5'10", I think.
180. I thought she was 6'2".
Nah.
She just, yeah.
Meg the Stallion is probably the most fitting rap name for how she looks.
5'10"?
Yeah.
Like a male horse?
No.
Teddy's right Because a stallion
Is a male horse
And a filly
Is a female horse
But a filly
Don't have the same ring
Like man that girl's a filly
That just don't sound right
Make the filly
Ain't gonna really hit like this
Make the stallion
You know exactly
What she trying to do
You know in the south
A stallion is like
That girl's a thoroughbred
She a stallion
Yeah but if you know
It's a dude
You should know that in the south
Now all of a sudden, it's in May.
Gay.
Nah.
Wait, what's going on?
People don't be knowing the sex in the name of the horse.
A dude horse calling a girl a stallion.
Kev, you a stallion.
You called Kev a stallion?
Kev, you a stallion.
Kev, are you a stallion, bro?
Kev, are you a stallion or a real stallion?
Kev the stallion.
Kev the stallion ain't selling no merch.
Yo, Kev the stallion could kind of go, dude. It's just the same letters as men. Kev the stallion ain't selling no merch. Yo, Kev the Stallion
could kind of go, dude.
It's just the same letters
as men.
Kev the Stallion
cost a pony.
That's it.
I'm the world's
smallest horse.
You ever see that?
You're like the donkey
that fucking
the guy with
Donkey Hode rode with.
What the fuck is this?
I'm a mule
out this bitch.
Bro, Kev the Stallion. That might be it. Kev the Stallion has a ring to it. I'm not going to out this bitch Bro Kev the Stallion
That might be it
Kev the Stallion has a ring to it
I'm not gonna
It's not gonna leave this room but
Now you don't think
Kev the Stallion could go?
No absolutely not
You know we got a lot of crossover fans
They're gonna be
They're gonna be in your comments
Calling you Kev the Stallion
I hope not
If that becomes a thing
I'm gonna be livid
Kev the Stallion bro
I think you got it like that
That's how you know Kev married
Cause he can't even give himself a compliment
Cause he knows his wife can be Oh man Now you not no fucking Stallion I think you got it like that. That's how you know Cab Mary, because he can't even give himself a compliment, because he knows his wife can be a problem.
Oh, man.
How you not know fucking stallion?
You think that she would say that?
No, she's very protective of my delicate ego.
Okay, so she supports it.
She supports it.
She massages my ego.
Does she?
Yeah.
She makes me feel what I need to feel to do what I got to do.
Because, man, I'm going to tell you, comic to comic to comic, are what I gotta do Cause man I'm gonna tell you
Comic to comic to comic
Are you probably gonna suffer from this
Or maybe you don't
I don't know
Three years
This is my third tour coming up
Right with very little time in between
And this time I took like three months off
Before this one
So I went up
Cause me and Dopey were on the road together
And he was taking his shirt off
So he was giving me the best alley-oop
The crowd was lit
Right so I went to Tahir's show
No Dopeboy intro
You talk about crickets in the audience They're like huh music gave me the best alley-oop. The crowd was lit, right? So I went to Tahir's show, no Doughboy intro.
You talk about crickets in the audience,
they're like, huh, mm-hmm.
So my confidence was trash.
So my question to y'all is,
what do y'all do when y'all have a set or a couple bad sets in a row,
and you're like, am I funny anymore?
Like the podcast and stuff,
like, oh, that's cool,
but if you ain't funny on stage,
it starts to mess with your whole funny psyche.
Like, I don't know if I could be funny anymore, period.
I'll be honest with you, never happened.
Listen, they call me Andrew the Stallion for a reason, dog.
You're the Stallion.
Sometimes I hate the Stallion the whole time.
I'm going to keep it G-rated.
I can't relate.
I'm hilarious.
I'm never not hilarious.
Don't know how to relate.
Nah, you know what
You know what's nice
What I'll say is
This is like
Are you doing a lot of spots
In the city
I'm teasing obviously
In LA yeah
I think that's what keeps you
On your P's and Q's
And what keeps you humble
Because it's like
When you go to the club
Those people a lot of times
Aren't there for you
So you get to
Perform for these people
Who don't know you
Or don't think you're as funny
As your fans do So then you get that Reality check during the week and then you go on tour on the
weekends and as long as those things match up you're like all right bet i'm funny that's true
so you're saying it's better better in that sense to not even set up like your own shows just go
just do like drop it yeah drew both but but i do firmly believe like you're supposed to find your
audience i don't think like absolutely i think we're supposed to be able to make everyone laugh in the beginning of our career
because that's how you make a living.
But once you find your crowd that finds you funny, you don't owe it to people who are
not them to make them laugh.
Oh, I love that.
That's Tyler Perry.
That's what we're talking about.
So somebody who was at my show was like, yo, I thought Doe Boy was hilarious, Tony and
Tahir, but I didn't get kev's thing like it's a
whole bunch of black church thing and i respect that like your whole point is to find your like
y'all's brand of humor that's it is y'all's brand like a lot of people will be like oh it's offensive
but the people who like it like that's the thing that happened with ari shafir he he greatly
underestimated what happens when you go outside of your fan base on the internet because he was
trying to explain it to people who was like
No, I never heard of you cuz I was like people wanted to fight him straight up
Like a lot of comics and nobody's trying to understand that so that's a good point
Like it was a drop-in set that I did. Yeah, I was just like completely mediocre
That was kind of like a shell shock
But at the same time that type of stuff I always find that I find more funny material when I have a bad set
Because you're really scrambling to like that didn't hit But at the same time, that type of stuff, I always find that I find more funny material when I have a bad set.
Because you're really scrambling to like, well, that didn't hit.
Well, let me try something.
But like, if you're having a good set, you're just going to go with what works. A bad set before an important set, to me, used to freak me the fuck out.
And now I'm like, you know what?
I got that out of the way.
And now I'm focused again.
Now I'm hungry.
Yeah, get it.
Yeah.
And I will go.
It's knock on wood.
It's been a while since I had like.
But I would go through like phases where I'm like a month, two months, sometimes longer.
I'm like, I don't think I'm funny.
I'm not doing that great. And you know what would help me the most is when I would host. Because then I'm like, a month, two months, sometimes longer. I'm like, I don't think I'm funny. I'm not doing that great.
And you know what would help me the most
is when I would host
because then you're just doing crowd work.
You can't overthink everything.
It's just listen, respond.
Listen, respond.
And you do that.
If you do that enough, you're like,
oh, fuck, I'm funny.
Yeah, you're funny without even trying.
That's it.
If I don't overthink it, I'm funny.
Sometimes you can get addicted to the kill.
Yes.
That's probably what happened. He was getting standing o's every show on tour and then it's like you
start going well if i don't get a standing o i'm not funny and then when and then you get into that
room the room could be smaller all these types of things but what i notice often with the addicted
to the kill thing is it stops being about the material it stops being about the thing you love
which is creating it's just about the reaction yeah and then you go and you don't get that reaction and you feel
horrible at least me you'll feel horrible because you forgot that you really just like telling those
jokes in the first place yeah sometimes for me the point of the joke is to make a crowd groan
absolutely some jokes are not designed like sometimes it's trying it's to mess with you
it's the fuck and there ain't no punchline. You got to sit in that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's like, I want to find out who really wants to go there with me.
Right.
It's a joke.
But I noticed that early in my career.
Like, if I was addicted to the kill, the second I didn't have as good a set, I was like, oh, man, this really fucking sucks.
And when I was addicted to the jokes, I would enjoy even bad sets because I'd be like, oh, no, I could do something with that line.
Yeah.
Experimenting. You know with that line. Yeah. I'm experimenting.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
I remember early on,
I was trying to impress some comic who came
to the Village Lantern.
It wasn't,
in retrospect,
the guy was nobody,
but I didn't have a good set
and then our homie
Case Rosso said to me,
the problem was
you focused on killing
instead of focusing
on having fun.
Yeah.
When you forgot to have fun.
Yeah.
If you have fun,
you're good.
Yeah.
Fine.
Yeah.
That's probably the same
thing with sports.
You get to the Super Bowl, you're like, bro, I'm going to try to do, that's what Don same thing with sports like you get to the super
bowl you're like bro i'm gonna try to do that's what don mcnab said he was like man i was trying
to do too much yeah like my if i would just played how i normally play we would have won but it was
a super bowl i'm trying to make throws i don't normally make i'm all out of my comfort zone
and now i'm trash and you don't get that back you know how many times it happens in the nfl i saw a
picture of the the 40 another 49ers the panthers and They had Cam, Olsen, Thomas Davidson.
They had that one season.
It's a picture of all their captains.
Luke Keek.
Yeah.
That season, they were freaking steamrolling people.
You couldn't do anything with them.
They lost that Super Bowl and they've never recovered.
And Cam probably won't be back next year.
Luke just retired.
And Cam might not even be on that team.
He might not even be back next year.
That's just crazy.
Olsen broke his foot like three years in a row.
They just released him.
Did they?
Yes, like yesterday.
That's the thing that annoys me.
We spoke about the Super Bowl very briefly,
but there's all these articles every time a team loses the Super Bowl.
Oh, they're built for the future.
They're probably not.
They're not, though.
Everything is so short in the NFL.
It takes so much luck to get to the Super Bowl.
Everything got to break the right way.
You could come back, but it's highly unlikely.
I don't know how in-depth y'all went into this,
but why in the hell did the 49ers stop running the ball yesterday in the Super Bowl?
We didn't go in-depth in that.
What the fuck?
Why?
My assumption was like, you go down, you got to score quick.
And you know you're down two possessions.
Yep.
Right?
You're down, what were they, down 10?
20 to 10.
Yeah, 20 to 10.
Once you're down 10, you know it's two scores.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So now you have to throw.
The Chiefs, though.
The Niners were up.
The Niners were up.
And they could have ran the ball to run out the clock.
Oh, I thought you were saying when they were trying to come back.
No, no, no.
I'm talking about why did the Niners get away from what was working the whole game,
was running the ball the last six minutes.
You get the ball back, you're up 10,
and then you go three and out with the kick trying to throw the ball.
So there's a couple things I really questioned with Shanahan
that other people have questioned.
Number one, at the end of the first half, it's 10-all.
They're getting the ball back.
There's less than two minutes left, and they let the clock run all the way down before the punch instead of
using a timeout they had three times they were playing to sit on the out on tie game they weren't
if we can get points out great but we don't have to and that's to me you're playing to not lose
you ain't playing to win you're playing to lose and that will always backfire yeah the other play
you're talking about i think is it was second and five,
and maybe it was still 20 to 10, or maybe it was 20 to 17,
and Jimmy Garoppolo tried to pass it, and the pass got batted down.
Yep.
If you run, first of all, Raheem Mosher, or however you pronounce it,
has been killing everybody all season.
All postseason.
He's had a great game to this point.
You might get a first.
If not, it's third and one.
The clock keeps running.
Third and two, third and three, probably.
Yep.
And then you can run again, get a first, keep running clock. Throwing it, it gets batted down. Now the clock stopped. Now it's third and one. The clock keeps running. Third and two, third and three, probably. And then you can run again, get a first, keep running clock.
Throwing it, it gets batted down.
Now the clock stopped.
Now it's third and five.
Now you got to throw again.
And then he got sacked on that play, didn't he?
And I think he got sacked.
And Jimmy, I don't think.
Another incompletion.
I don't think Jimmy's ready.
Clock stops again.
So now the Chiefs have that much more time.
And Jimmy's not ready for the big.
I don't trust him when you need him to.
I was saying that all season.
I'm just like
And the other pussy decision
I thought was his fourth and two
And they went for a field goal
To go up 20 to 10
Yeah
Go for the game bro
You know
It's the same
You're likely not
Don't come back next year
You have so many things
To have to go right in the NFL
For you to get to the Super Bowl
Look at the Rams last year
They were the shit
And then next year
They just was
Flash
Doughboy used to be
A 49ers fan
Let me tell y'all the bullshit For 38 used to be a 49ers fan for 38 years.
I was a 49ers fan for a hell of
years and I'd be trying to be woke
in the black community. Don't do that shit, dog.
I know, man.
I'd be trying to be woke so I was like, alright, man.
I don't like how they did
Kaepernick and I have been living in
LA for the past nine years and I was like
if I've lived in the city for
10 years, I'll justify switching. So I said, I don't like how they did Kaepernick. I'm going to go to the years. And I was like, if I've lived in the city for 10 years, I'll justify switching.
So I said,
I don't like how they did Kaepernick.
I'm going to go to the Rams.
And then the Rams ended up being on some bullshit.
And then the 49ers went to the Super Bowl.
And now I like a fucking idiot.
Well,
at least they lost.
At least they lost.
Cause it was looking like they were going to win for a minute.
And Richard Sherman,
who I love,
he got burnt for his,
like no explanation. You got shook. He got cooked For his Like no Explanation
You got shook
He got cooked
Sat on the ground bro
Did you see that
With that one little
Shoulder
Yeah
That's like when your kids
Get better than you at 14
I'm so happy to see them lose though
Cause the Bay Area
Is a bunch of fucking cucks
And
They don't deserve another champion
You got the fucking Warriors already
And they got the Giants
Win a whole bunch You didn't need this Nah I don't Beat them champion. You got the fucking Warriors already. And they got the Giants win a whole bunch.
You didn't need this.
No, I don't.
I was happy for Andy Reid.
Yo, I'm so happy.
Love Andy Reid.
I'm so happy for him.
He's been playing football his whole life.
Remember when he was big?
222 career wins.
Some of it was big.
Oh, okay.
No, some of it, he was like when he was a kid.
Punt, pass, and kick Andy Reid.
Punt, pass, and thick.
And he blew a couple.
He used to get all the bad time management things.
He was always mismanaging the clock.
Like, bro, what are you doing?
How relieved is he that the other coach has taken the time management?
Oh, any justice.
He was the OC for the Falcons when they got.
I saw a stat.
Kyle Shanahan was the OC for the Falcons when they were up on the.
28 to 3.
When they were up 28 to 3.
And then on the last drive. I don't know if you remember,
Julio Jones had an insane catch on the second-to-last drive in regulation.
If they just run a couple times and they kick a field goal, they're up 11.
New England's not going to win that game.
Game over.
Matt Ryan drops back to pass, and this is on him.
He takes a sack like a fucking idiot.
Now they're out of field goal range.
They're up eight.
They punt.
New England scores, gets a two-point conversion.
They lose.
But that was on him, too.
Kyle Shanahan, why are you calling a pass?
What was that stat that they said?
Like, he's been outscored?
Like 40-0 in the last two quarters of the Super Bowl.
And I think he's a good coach, but hey, fuck this.
He fucked it.
He fucked that up really bad.
Whatever he did, he should have done it a different way.
Imagine going to the Super Bowl twice and knowing it was you that lost it. Bro. That's got to just. And it's you, stop. Imagine going to the Super Bowl twice and knowing it was you that lost it.
Bro.
That's got to just.
And it's you, bro.
And it's really tough to get back there.
It's tough.
It ain't easy because everybody going to be good again next year.
The Rams going to be good again.
Seahawks going to be good.
That's not going to be no easy walk.
And shout out to my boy, Brian, who sexed me.
One of their good defensive linemen is probably going to leave.
He's a free agent.
Also, they don't have a draft pick in the second, third, or fourth round.
So the Niners don't?
The Niners got a first, and then they don't pick again until the fifth.
So if players leave, normally you just get good players back to the draft.
Yeah.
They can't do that.
Dang.
Trying to go all in.
Yeah, it wasn't a bad move.
It just, they fucked it up at the end.
What time are we at?
1-10.
We're at 1-10.
You want to do a couple of Patreon?
Yeah, I put up the topic
This morning
So we'll see
By the way I appreciate
Y'all for the Patreon
Oh yo
We completely
Akash
Gave us the rundown
Bonus episode
Oh yeah
We completely
Stole y'all
Ideal
Or not
No stole
Completely copied y'all
Good good
To our benefit
Oh yeah
It's working out
Bruh
It is the best thing ever.
Like, don't reinvent the wheel.
Someone was saying this about Kobe.
He was like, Kobe wasn't afraid to copy greatness.
Yeah.
Like, he saw Jordan.
He was like, oh, that works.
I'm going to do that exact thing, and I'm going to be great.
And he did.
Yeah.
And he literally, like, there's this clip of him doing, like, it's like 15 moves from
the same spot on the court. Not just It was crazy Moves from the same spot
On the court
Not just the same move
Like the same spot
Verbatim right
So we saw that Patreon thing
And it was literally
Life changing
That was crazy
Because that was right at the time
That I had quit
It was like a year
Yeah
Right around this time
Doughboy was me
Doughboy called me
He was in my position
Yeah
And Kev was in your position
And
And
We acting Jesus provides bro Yeah I said bro I said I see y'all killing it On your podcast And Kev was in your position And we actually
Jesus provides bro
I said bro
I said I see y'all
Killing it on your podcast
Put me on
He said
He gave me all the game
And it literally
Changed my life
Akash killed it man
Akash built that whole thing
Shout out my bro man
Yeah
And Andrew
I just talked to another
Comedy Nathan McIntosh
I'm trying to help out a bit
Very funny dude
If y'all ever see him
But Andrew said to me
I'm so thankful
For what he did for me.
He's like,
just pay it forward.
And I know you pay it forward
to people who will pay it forward.
Bro,
and that's what I love.
Like,
bro,
y'all's Patreon
doesn't affect ours.
Like,
people don't want to share a game.
Like,
bro,
it's not like people will not.
Like,
I have like five Patreons
that I'm supportive of.
Like,
I'm in the army.
Like, I stole the idea and I'm like, but I'm I'm in the army. Yeah, yeah. Like, I stole the idea
and I'm like,
but I'm going to keep the five
to pay respect,
like the mob.
Like, I got to, you know,
you got to pay.
Break bread with the five.
I got to break bread
with my boy
to show respect.
It's pyramid scheme.
Absolutely.
Bro, it's.
I'll get you one,
you get me four.
Bro, that's all it is, bro.
I got like five comics
that I support.
I don't even watch
all their videos
because they ain't really about that.
Right.
It's about supporting them. When people hit me up i tell them bro this
is how you do it like the only thing people misunderstand is that you can't just set up a
patreon and expect to make that people call me that i set it up now what do i do like wait wait
there's a lot more to it than that and people are not consistent that's the thing that people
don't want to really sit with the truth of it is It's not going to grow if you don't deliver on your premise.
We had to struggle to get some bonus episodes.
On tour, that second episode sometimes is like, bro, I don't have no energy.
I'm here right now in LA.
The only reason is to do this episode.
I'd have been home.
He flew.
He was already in Northern California.
Instead of flying back, he stayed an extra two days.
Three days, probably.
And then flew down here to record, so we could record this.
But that's the type of commitment, I guess.
It's your job.
And it changes it because you know how it is.
When we're self-employed out here, in between gigs, the biggest thing for me is that now
I get the power to say no to some gigs.
Because you know back in the day, they call you, you got to get that bread.
So now I'm just like, no, I'm good.
It got to make sense for you now.
It got to make sense.
Because if not, I'm not.
Let me ask you this.
Are y'all putting the amount of money you're making on your Patreon yet?
No.
I told you that.
I told you, bro.
Black people is different.
I told you this and I stand by this.
You don't get.
Black people like to see money, man.
No, I'm telling you, though.
Why do you think you got jewelry on?
That's not jewelry.
Trust me. to see money man no i'm telling you though you got jewelry that's not jewelry trust me that whatever's in your cup is worth the same amount as what's on his wrist black people when we think
you're doing too good we'd be like he's doing too good bro he good like now if you're out of the
stratosphere like tyler perry 500 million dollars like there's a dude i helped out a comedian who
made a hundred grand Like listening to my principles
I sell a master class
On how to do that
He was like bro
You can shout me out
Just don't tell nobody
How much money I make
Cause I don't want
People counting my pockets
Like we be like that
Like
I almost just answered
You teach a master class
Or you took a master class
No no I teach
I have a social media master
Like how to build
Your business on social media
I'm good for that shit
You should Or you can just call me
And tell me the way I call it
But that's
That's where I got the idea from
Like
I would be telling comics
Like they'd hit me up
Like yo how did you do the tour
How'd you do that
So I would just be telling them
And my wife
I gotta shout my wife out
Man black women
Best
Best
Best
Oh shit
Best
Cause I was gonna travel around
And do it like
In a city
I only fucks white girls
that's not true
he gives a master class
I'm gonna get married
to a black woman
okay
as long as you
come home when it's time
as long as you come home
when it's time
you see Russell Wilson
ever since he came to Sierra
he looks so much happier
he do
brother got another kid coming
number three
they do man
but anyway
what I was saying was
I used to tell a bunch of comedians, and my wife was
like, why don't you just, instead of going around selling it, just put it online.
People can click it and watch it.
And it was the best decision I ever made.
Yeah.
Like, I'm trying not to have all my money be from fly, stand, perform, use my voice.
Like, that is taxing.
Oh, yeah.
Like, touring and junk, bro, I'd be'd be like like i love stand-up don't get
me wrong but man the road especially the way we were doing it three four cities in a row not even
being able to be at the clubs like i'm so looking forward to being able to at least wake up in the
same city yeah two or three days but um the road we'd be man it was even four hour drives it was
like it was tough but ain't nobody really trying to hear people complain about getting paid to tell
jokes but that don't mean it ain't hard sometimes
Everything's relative
That's why I try to tell black people about being white
There's nothing tough about it
Our struggle's relative bro
Tell me three struggles of a white guy
When it's hot outside
The sun gets you bro
We don't have any melanin you know what i mean it gets hot
we got that's their sickle cell for real sunburn we gotta listen to black people complain
and like you said earlier y'all are loud about it so that's that
and we the first people always die from coronavirus or any asian disease I don't know how loud about it. So that's that.
And we the first people to always die from coronavirus or any Asian disease.
So this is a lot of problems for us.
We got to be fucking their girls too much.
It's true.
You think a Chinese guy was just tired of white people fucking his women?
He was like, let's hold on.
Let's put this shit to a stop.
We got to put some dick somewhere.
Alex fucking all of ours.
You know what I mean?
You just got to pay it forward.
You ain't wrong.
The hot weather is a sun. Y'all are loud.
Y'all complain.
Mostly y'all. When we owned
you, it was a lot easier. We didn't have to go out
in the sun. Y'all went out in the sun.
Then you came in and brought us to work.
Ever since...
Sing all those songs
outdoor.
I love the music From out in the field
In the house
We like it quiet here
But the cotton was good
Because it would absorb
Some of the sound
So that shit didn't really travel
You know what I mean
So maybe the ones
They laid in the house
Were the ones who hummed.
Oh, that's pleasant.
My career is over.
Oh, man.
This is a bonus episode, though, isn't it?
All right, all right, all right, all right.
Let's stop for a second, pay some bills.
I really wish Akash was with me right now
as we're doing these ads
because I love it when he does this read because it's for Radix Remedies.
That's right.
Radix Remedies, the CBD company.
I swear it's premium CBD.
I swear to God.
That's all it is.
Maybe we got a good batch.
Maybe that's the best is out there.
So get it while it lasts.
But Radix Remedies, R-a-d-i-x remedies.com
uh promo code is flagrant you get 10 off your entire order radix remedies.com slash flagrant
promo code flagrant 10 off your order they got these pre-rolled joints cbd cbd okay these CBD CBD Okay These pretty real joints CBD
That's what we were smoking up
And getting high over asses
On the podcast
Obviously they got the gummies
They got the salve
They got this neuro routine
You start your day with it
I mean you are centered
Focused
Ready to go
They got pills to help you sleep
Be careful with those
Because they do have some melatonin in them
But if you need a knockout
They will put you on your ass. They have the entire gambit. It is the CBD company
of Flagrant 2. We've partnered with them, this relationship that we will have for a long time.
So the asshole army, when it goes to get CBD, it goes to Radix Remedies. Go there right now,
radixremedies.com slash flagrant. Use the promo code flagrant.
Get 10% off your order.
Enjoy.
Let me know how it goes.
Hey, hey, hey.
All right, so what do we got?
Let's talk to these patrons. Oh, shit.
I forgot.
All right.
Is Pat Mahomes the first $200 million QB?
Will Jerry fuck Dak over and tag him or pay the money he deserved?
If so, how much do you think Dak is worth?
Pat Mahomes, do you think he gets $200 million?
Listen, second season starting, Super Bowl MVP, Super Bowl winner, NFL MVP.
Max him out.
Cash him out, bro.
You have to.
At 23 or 24?
24.
Look what Tom Brady did for one team.
With all the other players came in and out.
They kept that one dude yeah and they we were
able to be contenders for what 15 years straight now brady would always brady was almost never the
highest paid player in the league no right that's why he's mad now yeah but you you might as well
i'll take you being mad in 20 years and six super bowls later absolutely because you i mean you got
all you can get out and then hopefully after this one you can be like look you got to cash
i don't think Dak is worth it.
Did you say Dak?
Dak ain't worth Patrick Mahomes' money.
No, no.
I don't believe in Dak at all.
You think that Mahomes will recognize what Brady did and go, listen, I know I'm worth it,
but I'll take a pay cut so we could keep Travis, so we could keep Dak.
I hope not.
I think he would.
I think he would.
Cash me.
I think he would.
And you got the Chris Paul mentality with it.
Yeah, I think, bro, like, that's an ownership problem.
Like, finding people around me, salary cap, you know, luxury tax, that's y'all responsibility.
But it makes it easier to win if you're willing to sacrifice a little bit.
That's true.
But it also makes you easier to win when you're you.
No, 100%.
Like, don't get me wrong.
You deserve your money i guess at a certain point in time it's like having 80 million dollars or 84 million dollars
or whatever the fuck it is is not going to make that much of a difference in terms of your
happiness and i don't know who he is having one super bowl or two super bowls yeah might make
a huge like you're basically going how much money would i pay to have another super bowl
right love the game that's a great way of putting it yeah at least a chance at another one even the first super bowl if you're
that shit i think that it sucks though i think that it sucks that players are even asked to do
that because owners don't do that shit and when they move on from players they just move on from
it whether it's a trade or just a release so i'm just like do what's best for you i could they put
that on app he's like well you should take less, owners don't ever take less. You don't have to. Nothing. Owners don't want, I assume, owners don't want a salary cap.
If I'm James Earl of the New York Knicks, I'm like, well, just let me pay LeBron $100 million.
That's why Premier League soccer is so good.
But the problem with Premier League soccer is that the same two teams are the ones in the finals.
But you know what, though?
Here's my argument to that.
People like that.
We don't like parity as much as we want.
We want to root against you or for you.
That's why, primarily, I just started getting into it.
It'd be the same six teams for the last 20 years.
One of these six is going to win outside of some random aberration.
Fans are cool with that.
Even if your team sucks perennially, you start to be like,
hopefully we'll be able to build culture differently like they build the
culture of the team at like a really young age yeah academy level juniors that's when i realized
my son wasn't going to make it to the premier league why they when i realized where at the age
they start oh yeah the people who don't even make it to the top like if he was good enough in europe
he wouldn't even be going to regular school.
Like, they're like, bro, you're pro at, like, 11.
But what do they do when those guys, when you, like, get somebody where you can be going pro at 11 if it just doesn't pan out?
What do they do at, like, 16?
They're pro in another lower division.
They go to some shittier country.
Or they come to the MLS.
So they'd be like, forget getting an education, just play.
But what's the point of getting an education, bro?
We're here to get paid.
Yeah.
Our whole school system was set up for farming.
Like, we just wanted to give people enough knowledge to be able to be farmers.
Is that right?
Yes.
That's the whole American, the one schoolhouse thing.
It was to teach people how to be smart enough to run a farm.
We got to give you a little bit enough information so you're, like, kind of well-rounded.
But then you got to go get a job like none of that junk matters
That's why like pro tennis players go pro at 13 the boxers at 16. Like why are we trying to hold NBA players back?
You could be in the league at 16. Yeah, we're trying to hold them back obviously because there's like a billion dollar industry that gets support
Oh, yeah, NCAA
Absolutely, but LeBron could have been like in Europe they'd be playing pro for years before they come to the league.
That's why they'd be so much more developed
because they'd be playing against grown men for a long time.
Yeah.
That's why LeBron, remember LeBron got like 20 and 10,
his first game in the league?
Yeah.
Like imagine he'd been able to be pro for four years
before he came to the league.
Yeah.
Like, bro, he was playing against kids who were going to algebra.
I mean, you mean you gotta go play
lebron james are you kidding me i was just at lunch now i gotta guard somebody who's 6a i'm 511
at a school in the suburb what you want me to do the people who had to play against them like why
even line up like okay enough everybody not the other good team I'm talking about
Wesleyan Catholic
Their game on Thursday
In November
Them kids ain't got
No chance against LeBron
Wesleyan Catholic
Oladipo Olagun
Said
Was Tom Brady's commercial
I'm staying with the Patriots
Or I'm staying in the league
And not retiring commercial
Just see that Tom Brady
Yeah
I thought that was good I think he's staying in the league Not the Patriots or I'm staying in the league and not retiring commercial. Just see that Tom Brady. Yeah. I thought that was good.
I think he's staying in the league,
not the Patriots.
You know what I think?
You know what I think
he could possibly go?
The Raiders?
San Francisco.
No, they just paid Jimmy.
I think that they'll
probably get him
for a year
to kind of sit him
underneath him
because he always wanted
to pay for the 49ers.
He's from the Bay.
Who, Tom Brady?
Yes.
I might have misunderstood the tweet, but someone was saying the Niners could save like
$25 million moving on from Garoppolo and signing Brady or Breeze.
I don't know how.
You're telling me if you put...
Am I cutting him?
I don't know how.
And that's why I didn't look into it.
Oh, okay.
You're telling me if you put Tom Brady on the 49ers as presently constructed, do you
really think that game goes down like it did last night?
No.
No, absolutely not.
Brady gonna get you that.
Absolutely not.
Tom Brady,
the reason they won.
Brady, Bosa,
the mega fans, yo.
Oh my God.
Bosa's relentless too.
Yo, did y'all see Jamila Hill's goofy ass tweet?
This bitch too much, yo.
It's too much.
Jamila Hill. Somebody went through and This bitch too much. It's too much. Jamila Hill.
Somebody went through and found that Nick Bosa follows an account that made a joke about Kobe's death.
And she's like, this is who Nick Bosa is.
He's following this account.
But it's a satirical Instagram account that has jokes.
So it's like a meme page.
It's a meme page.
So you can't control what memes are posted on that page.
He didn't like it.
He didn't like it he didn't even like it or anything she just put that he's using it's like a guilty by association
type of thing yeah she's like but this is the type of person is he would follow an account
they would post something that he had no clue they would post that's a little tough
i'm a big des brian fan des went to blaze pizza and tipped like a hundred dollars to somebody
like a blaze pizza Pizza and then the waitress
retweeted and said I'm still gonna root for
I'm still not a Cowboy fan though I still hate the Cowboys
or whatever Des retweets that
and he's like ah I guess I won't be eating a Blaze Pizza
anymore laughing and then Jameel Hill
because Des wouldn't kneel
she was like oh so you'll take a stand against Blaze Pizza
but you won't take a stand against
dot dot dot never mind
and then she tried to backtrack and be like I was kidding but it's like no you weren't bitch and stand against. Dot, dot, dot. Never mind. And then she tried to backtrack
and be like,
I was kidding.
But it's like,
no, you weren't, bitch.
And if you were,
that's an Ari Shafir level joke.
Like, you ain't doing nothing
but bringing trouble.
Yeah, I don't know.
I think that's a hot take.
That's a hot take right there.
You just called Jamil Hill
Ari Shafir.
Son.
That was an epic level reach.
Son, put that on the IG.
I don't give a fuck.
Let this bitch retweet me.
Jameel Hill's nice, man.
I met her.
You did?
Oh, yeah.
I was with you.
I respect that she took a stand enough to lose an ill-ass job at ESPN.
She quit.
She quit.
She believed in that shit.
I respect that.
What happened to the dudes that she used to be in the show with?
What was his name?
He left too.
Michael Smith.
They both left?
Yeah, he left too. Do they do sports still? He ain't get no credit. I don his name? He left too. Michael Smith. They both left? Yeah, he left too.
Do they do sports still?
He ain't get no credit.
I don't like a fuck about him.
She works for the Atlantic.
He started some new venture.
But he was a writer by trade.
Yeah, yeah.
He should have been.
Yeah.
I think they just got tired of being at ESPN.
That could happen.
Yeah.
I think ESPN's past is prime.
Yeah, they had a show though.
I'll be watching the- His and hers. Yeah, but it justPN's past is prime. Yeah, they had a show, though. I'll be watching the—
His and hers.
Yeah, but it just wasn't doing that well,
and I think they kind of got ahead of the show being on.
Oh, got it.
I think that was—
Look, it's a tricky time.
It is.
Second question he asked that I think we should talk about.
He talked about one night, but we should talk about it longer.
Can we talk about the spirit of Kobe Bryant
possessing Damian Lillard on his memorial night at the Staples Center?
Bro.
Actually, it's been like two weeks now yeah he's been on damian damian
lillard is averaging like 48.6 points a game over his last like seven and it's like he's not taking
it's not like 30 shooting it's like 60 shooting he's a different guy nine assists per game it's
different right now right yeah he it's i i really like him just for one just because he's just all
about ball like i don't really Hear much from him
But he balls
And he balling
On an epic tear
I feel like maybe
He's just really
Really been inspired
And going on
One of those tears
I think
That's what Kobe
Would have wanted
Yeah
I saw
The one funny
Kobe joke I saw
Was like
You know the team
I think the Spurs
And the Kings
Whoever was playing
They both ran out
The clock
The first time
And somebody was like Kobe is The most competitive Person ever He was like I think the Spurs and the Kings, whoever was playing, they both ran out the clock the first time.
And somebody was like, Kobe is the most competitive person ever.
He was like, every possession counts.
That was like a funny joke in the spirit of Kobe.
Somebody asked Dame, like, did you want to kind of let them win tonight?
And Dame was like, no, nobody wins.
We're just playing basketball.
But also, I want to go for 40.
You know what's funny about Dame?
I know it's not the answer to your question russell westbrook keeps taunting dame and dame embarrasses him
time and time again he pulling up from the logo on russ 40 remember when he uh when he eliminated
the um thunder that guy went by him he said like that was the bro he killed the franchise with
that it was the It was the most like
Daggerish dagger
I've ever seen
And Russell keeps coming back
And it's like
This is the most
Lopsided rivalry
Like Dave
Russell's off the bench now yo
Is he?
I mean he should be
I don't know if he is
But he should
Oh
Is he killing this year?
You're a glorified super sub
That's James Harden's team
You should come off the bench
And be Manu
But like
You're not even the best player
On your own team anymore Nah Was he even the best player On your own team anymore
Nah
Was he ever the best player
On the team?
Oh the MVP season
Yeah when he was
Dropping triple doubles
Right
But he's just not good enough
To carry the team
And I think somebody said it
It's like
Wait Russell's not good enough
To carry the team?
You don't think so?
No
You're probably not your best team
If Russell Westbrook
Is your best player
You're down by three
You want the ball
In Harden's hand
Instead of Russell?
Instead of Russell?
Yes.
Absolutely.
I feel like Russell got that dog in him, though, that won't allow him to.
No, absolutely not.
He got that dog, but he don't got that shot.
He takes a lot of bad shots.
Yeah, a lot of bad shots.
And we're fans of him.
I like Russell, but have you seen Harden?
Yeah, but I feel like he's a lot of iso ball.
Nah, but that's what happens.
Everybody's got to just sit around and watch him and be like, all right.
But you also can't stop him though.
Yeah.
He just has more things he can do with the ball, right?
Like Russell, he got to get in that mid range.
He can't pull up for three.
You got to get the mid range.
You got to back you down.
Any double team comes,
he's going to have to pass out of it.
But James, if you don't play up on me,
I'm wet.
Absolutely.
If you do play up on me,
it's a layup easy.
A drive pass.
And then as soon as you catch it, you step back. Do you think he's a flopper or do you really feel like he gets fouled a lot? on me It's a layup Easy A drive pass And then as soon as you catch A free step back
Do you think he's a flopper
Or do you really feel like
He gets fouled a lot
No he's a flopper
No he flops
His game is annoying as fuck
But he's really good
The game rewards it
That's the thing that's fucked up
It's like you almost can't blame him
Because he hacked
The game of basketball
Yeah
He found a way to score
And that's the point
It's like if you're an offensive player
Find a way to score
Oh I got fouled
Alright boom
You did it.
Do you feel like they can make noise
in the playoffs this year?
No.
No, absolutely not.
No.
Who do y'all think
are going to take it this year?
LeBron.
Yo, if LeBron does it, man.
It'll be dope.
LeBron, bro.
He's going to be hard
to beat four times on the road.
Everybody say all that,
but then when they be
playing the Clippers,
they be getting lost.
I think it's going to be,
if Kawhi is healthy
because he sat games out,
why, Doughboy?
They'll win. If Kawhi is healthy, I think the Clippers, they be getting washed. I think it's going to be, if Kawhi is healthy because he sat games out, why, Doughboy? They'll win.
If Kawhi is healthy,
I think the Clippers win.
If Kawhi is healthy
and Paul George is healthy,
he's a pick.
You're taking them over AD and LeBron?
Yes.
Yes.
The thing is,
the Clippers had a nice run last year
without Kawhi or Paul George.
And they didn't lose anybody to gain them.
They took two off the Warriors.
Yeah.
Yeah. With KD. Yeah. With fully healthy. Then they won't lose anybody to gain them. They took two off the Warriors. Yeah. Yeah.
With KD.
Yeah.
With fully healthy.
Then they won't go to seven
or went to six?
Seven.
Was it six?
Yeah, they took two off.
Yeah.
Yeah, Lou Williams balled out of this.
Lou Williams out of this world.
Lou Williams still there.
Montrezl Harrell.
I'm going to tell y'all
who I think the sleeper is
for this season.
I could see them realistically
winning the championship.
The Heat.
What? I'm just something
about Jimmy Butler
that I think
that I trust
they're doing well
to win the championship
I think that
because the East is weak
I feel like
you don't feel like
they can come out of the East
I think the Bucs
will come out of the East
I don't think they can
beat the Bucs four times
I think the Bucs
did you see what happened
to the Bucs last year
from the Raptors
yeah Kawhi
they had Kawhi though
you're forgetting that
one part
Kawhi was a difference maker Kawhi happens that would be my slogan if I Yeah, Kawhi. They had Kawhi, though. You're forgetting that one part. Kawhi was a difference maker.
Right.
Kawhi happens.
That would be my slogan.
If I'm marking Kawhi.
So if you have the Bucs
and the Heat
in the Eastern Conference Finals,
you're just automatically
saying the Bucs?
Yes.
I think the Raptors got a chance.
I don't know why people
are sleeping on the Raptors.
This kid, Pascal Siakam,
is playing.
That was the only one
they wouldn't give up to, right?
Yep.
Yeah, yeah, go.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's right out there. Let's the only one they wouldn't give up to, right? Yep. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's right out there.
Let's get one more of them questions.
Mark, help him out there so the whole thing
don't fall apart.
I don't know much about this,
but I heard,
apparently,
this is from Taylor's,
there's a new
Taylor Swift documentary
and it's like really trash
in the Kanye moment
and like,
I guess saying it's like
classic or whatever, probably.
Don't we think
this is the moment
that really polarized
and skyrocketed her career?
She was popping already. She was popping she but she did capitalize off the moment and i can't even be mad at her like listen as you should capitalize off her moment exactly trying to
pass it to beyonce like if you're taylor swift you milk that like she and i agree with shultz
care about beyonce's moment yay wanted to be the guy saying that there should be Beyonce.
True, absolutely.
That's actually a fantastic point.
Kanye cares about himself.
It's always about him.
Can I find them both incredibly annoying?
Yeah.
Two things can be true.
I thought Taylor Swift acting like that's such a traumatic moment.
Is it such a white woman thing to do?
Yeah.
It's a fucking VMA, bitch.
It's not a Grammy.
It's a fucking VMA, you stupid white bitch.
I feel like she milked it for years.
It's a fucking astronaut trophy, bitch. What bitch. I feel like she milked it for years. It's a fucking astronaut trophy, bitch.
What you upset about an astronaut with popcorn, bitch?
Get the fuck out of here.
That's a month of therapy, Max, bitch.
Stupid ass bitch.
She was writing songs about it and shit.
I was like, okay.
God, enough.
Relax.
He's still talking about it, ho.
It's been a decade.
This shit was before Tiger woods cheated on his fucking girl
what's it bro it was 2008 2009 it was like the same year wow i didn't realize it was that long
stupid ass bitch you have strong feelings about this moment her fans hate me man oh my god because
she made that somebody said that taylor looked light-skinned in the video. And I was like, Taylor Swift looks like Taylor is literally the whitest person ever.
And they were, I mean, her fans.
They care for you?
Oh, my God.
All in my mentions.
I had a picture of the previous video of my son scoring a soccer goal.
This kid's never going to be anything but a dad like you.
I'm like, dog, man.
They were as bad as Worldstar.
Oh, yeah.
Worldstar coming.
Oh, the beehive is the worst
what is her
legion of fans
called the Taylorites
the Swifties
I think
Swifters
something like that
I don't know
the Swifters
what are they called
I don't know
I don't know
you don't get no
Swifters
what's up with
Justin Bieber
not selling albums
no more
is he not
I don't know
he was selling
not that good though he was trying to be Roddy. He was selling. Not that good, though.
He was trying to be Roddy Ricch.
I would have thought
that we hadn't heard
since from Justin Bieber
and Solar.
Has anybody heard
the new Justin Bieber album?
I think it's just the song.
That Roddy Ricch song
is so dope.
It's just,
sometimes a wave happens.
There's nothing you can do about it.
It's like Lil Nas song.
It is.
You look like you're
getting in the way of a tank.
This is going to be
what it's going to be.
Bad timing. Bad timing.
Bad timing, man.
Just get out the way.
Get that shit out.
Like, when Duval's Smile Bitch came out, there's nothing you can do.
Nothing you can do.
Nothing you can do about that.
Just let it happen.
Let it happen.
I heard about the box before I ever heard that song.
Like, I heard memes about it.
People talking about it.
I had to go search it because it wasn't hitting my periphery.
I was like, oh.
So, when Justin and Serena were saying that, they were saying it for their singles to sell, about I had to go search it because it wasn't hitting my periphery so when
Justin and Serena were saying that they're saying it for their singles to
sell not their album no their albums so Justin did put out album no I think he
was trying so it was both yummy to hit he wanted yummy to hit number one she
wanted her album to hit number one Roddy Richards is being both of them no no
she beat him she got the number one. It worked.
But he got it back the next week though, right?
I didn't follow it after that.
I lost interest.
I didn't even know she made music like that.
I didn't either.
Yo, Roddy tweeted something funny.
He was like, yo, go stream Justin's album.
Yeah.
Or Serena's album.
Yeah.
Because they both made videos to their fans.
Like, man, let's go listen.
Go to sleep and just let it loop. That was like Lil Nas when Pastor Troy went on that thing.
I don't know if y'all heard about that.
Pastor Troy, him and his son had Applebee's,
and apparently two gay dudes were eating mozzarella sticks,
and him and his son had had enough.
Yeah.
Y'all didn't hear about this?
Uh-huh.
Pastor Troy went on this Instagram.
He put a picture of Lil Nas asking this pink cowboy suit, pink hat,
and he was like, if this is what I got to wear to win a Grammy,
then I'll never win one.
And Lil Nas was like,
I look good in that though.
Like you can't,
you can't troll him.
He came up being a Nicki Minaj,
um,
like fan leader or something like that.
Like he's like a comic at this point.
Everything is material.
So you look worse trying to go.
Yeah.
Cause he's using everything against you.
Like it was,
then they started memeing pastor Troy. It was, it was it was just fantastic he's a rapper back in the day
old school gangster hip-hop you know a pastor choice on I can't think of it
right you know uh I'm a pastor I'm song. What is Pastor Troy's big song?
Is it Big Ball and Snatching, Fitting My End, something like that?
Oh, Baller, Shot Caller.
Yeah.
Is that Pastor Troy?
That's Pastor Troy?
20-inch bands on the Apollo.
Want to be a baller?
Is that?
Caller, get laid tonight.
That's Pastor Troy.
That's not Pastor Troy.
You got to spread the eyes and hit the highway.
If it's not him, we're going to be trash. Making money the following. That might be Pastor Troy. If it's not here, we're going to be
trashed.
That might
be Pastor
Troy.
Yeah.
That's Little
Troy.
No, that's
Little Troy.
That's not
even Pastor.
That's a whole
different Troy.
Them Troys
will get you,
bro.
Them Troys
will get you
every time.
So what did
Pastor Troy do?
I don't know,
man.
Not enough.
Hey, we're
perplexed. Damn, we had to hold somebody else's song. Little Troy's know, man. Not enough. Hey, we're perfect.
We had to hold somebody else's song.
Lil Troy's like, it's happening again.
We got to wrap this up, man.
But thank you all so much for coming.
Appreciate y'all, man.
Yo, y'all got to come to New York, dude.
I'm coming to New York in April.
Yo, come on.
Yes.
Come on what?
Come on Flagrant, man.
We weren't on Flagrant?
You are, but when you're in new york
we'll do some new york uh y'all got the new new studio there yeah man i want you guys to check
out the new studio i'm actually gonna i'm gonna copy you again because we just got a new office
and it's all white walls.
Yo, let me tell you something.
Your shit before was trash.
Damn, man.
Why didn't you tell us this?
I told you.
Y'all filmed me on a fucking iPhone.
Didn't I tell you this is ridiculous?
He didn't tell us that.
He did tell us that. He deserves better, bro.
And then the producer was giving y'all attitude.
I was like,
y'all put up with this shit
when y'all been filming on the iPhone?
What the fuck is this?
He doesn't want to shoot on the iPhone.
That was me.
I like the iPhone.
I was like, what the fuck?
Hey.
We got the Sonys and stuff.
I don't even know why I complain.
I don't even edit the stuff.
What am I complaining?
Somebody else has to deal with the footage.
We got to get you two to come do the Righteous and Ratchet.
Next time you're in LA, we'll figure it out.
Anytime y'all want.
Thank you for having us, man.
We appreciate it.
This is great, man.
We can find you, though.
Kev on stage everywhere. Righteous and Ratchet. I am no boy, D-O- man. We appreciate it. This is great, man. Tell them where they can find you, though. Kev on stage everywhere.
Righteous Ratchet.
I have Doughboy D-O-B-O-Y.
This is what Andrew usually does.
I think it's a good way to promote.
What's the episode of your podcast that you think, if I'm a new listener.
Doughboy bought a car that can't reverse.
Yes.
Doughboy bought a car that can't reverse.
The funniest episode of our podcast.
Don't check out that episode.
That's smart.
That's what we do, man.
Not just our podcast.
Because the last episode could have been a dud. And I've asked just too many episodes it gets overwhelming and you're like what
should i spend time and then you just go away but if you say there's one episode that's so fire
and they listen to it and they don't like it good because they're not supposed to be a fan
and if they do like it i love that that's a bar right there come on joe boy bought a car that
can't reverse that's a good i'm gonna keep i'll lock it and hey man run with it bro there's nothing
here that we do that you shouldn't copy man it's for all it's for everybody i mean that sincerely for
sure you don't have to use that word copy it's for everybody it's yours already i'm with all of
that i appreciate you brother thank you guys for sharing the platform appreciate it man take it
easy man peace god bless