Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Brian Simpson Gets Flagrant

Episode Date: August 14, 2024

yerrr, we had Brian Simpson on to discuss why he's the Black version of Larry David, what his opinions are on Doping in the Special Olympics, and he breaks down the Young Thug trial to us. All that and much much more on this week's episode of Flagrant. INDULGE 00:00 Intro 1:07 Don’t Do Drogas episodes 2:21 Eating hairy pum pum like our ancestors 5:05 Better at comedy or f***ing? Cramping up 9:09 S&M is for weirdos 11:01 Brian is in the Young Thug trial DEEP 17:53 Recovering musically + Shyne framed? 22:11 Narcissism + Brian avoiding the Jury draft 28:20 We know OJ wasn’t guilty 29:36 Gymnastics is DIVERSE + Brian wouldn’t do it 33:42 Hierarchy in the Marines + women in the infantry??? 36:39 Put Special Olympians on Roids + Oscar Pistorius Saga 41:33 Surprised if people merk their wives? 45:40 Longest relationship, Spank Bank Obituaries + RIP Grandma 50:17 Groupies for politics + wrap for Marvel 54:22 Tarantino doesn’t miss + Theaters will still be relevant 59:20 Substances segment, comedowns + hair of the dog 1:02:01 Need to ask Rogan for the DMT 1:04:14 Brian gets irritated EASILY + immune to White tears 1:16:40 Brian happiest on his own + Titty Technology 1:21:38 AI is bullsh*t + it should be better 1:24:15 TV expertIse, VR could still work + Brian will crash out in group chats 1:32:46 Brian is Black Larry David + Akaash started tipping now 1:35:52 We’re too nice + Dealing with public inconveniences 1:44:00 You can reason with men, women it’s 50/50 1:45:20 Brian’s Show day routine - Best Buy??? 1:47:47 It’s not about attention, it’s the control + Getting got 1:49:44 Will always check in a bag 1:52:12 Black TSA agent was THE biggest hater 1:55:10 Waivering for pum pum

You're like a Black Larry David. No, no, no, no, no, no. My maximum irritation come from me waiting for people. That's why I check a bag. Everyone is giving me shit about it. But the truth is, not checking a bag only makes sense if waiting for your bag is the number one concern.

For me, I like to get on the plane last. I don't want to get on early because I don't want to be sitting there all the time. What happens is sometimes people will take the above space. So you got to put your shit back deeper. And then you got to wait for all these fucks to get off the plane before you get off the plane. And that is the moment where I might f-king pop.

You don't like the S&M? Nah, nobody want no pain. It's gonna take me out of the whole thing. I don't wanna get choked, scratched, nigger poked, shocked. The tied up sh- stupid. As if we can't hold them there. Like it's just redundant. Have you ever dated someone who's dead? Oh man.

Hooked up with someone who's dead now? Yes. And? But they they died after so that's Crazy questions have been asked on this podcast. Have you jerked off her since no Gotta delete dead people out just bang bang. No, cuz what if she's like an angel watching down. That's She looking at her work. Love you grandma Just pass Your grandma just passed. I'm taking this. You're crazy.

Oh my god. I always hated it when they did the, like, the don't do drugs episode of comedies. Like, whatever Saved by the Bell did or Family Matters or anything, would like decide to do like a serious episode. Lange Brothers did a wild one. Break the fourth wall. Hey kids. What is the don't do drugs? They make the kids do drugs and something that happens

Like I've never seen this shit do they do drugs in the show and then fresh Prince had one like that Prince fresh Prince episode Caffeine pills caffeine pills caffeine Mark is doing that with zens right now Marcus is addicted and he has That was caffeine pills. Mark is doing that with zins right now, bro. Mark is addicted to zin. He hasn't had food in 48 hours. He only eats zins, and he looks incredible.

I mean, the guy is absolutely shredded. Zin? I mean, he's like six months, probably, eight months. No, but now he's really ratcheting up the zins, and he doesn't eat any bread, he doesn't eat any sugar, he doesn't eat anything, it's just zins. No, it's steak and vegetables and fruit. Also steak, vegetables, and fruit.

Are you going to prime or what is it? I'm just trying to eat what our ancestors ate. That's my, that's my objective. But steak, vegetables, and fruit. Are you going to Primal or what is it? I'm just trying to eat what our ancestors ate. That's my, that's my objective. They didn't have zins. But they had to go run around and shit. But it is funny you'll have like a zin outburst like just right there was, what was the episode about the drugs?

Did they tell the kids to do a try? He just, he just got laser focused. It's like the ancestor diet. That's what, that's what. Primal. Well they also ate Harry Pussy, are you doing that too? Of course, yeah. It's like your ancestor diet. That's what's going on. Primal. Well, they also ate Harry Pussy. Are you doing that, too? Of course, bro. Yeah, that's part of the diet.

That's how I get my protein up. I'm holding a, we're carnivore person, I hold them with consistency. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do all the shit they was doing back there. Yes. Do you think they ate pussy back there? I don't know if they did.

Yeah, I don't know if they even got consent back then. To be honest, we gotta check the record on that, because it seems like that's a liability. How can we check the record? Let's not check very much. I mean, there's gotta be images of it in a cave. A cave drawing? Everyone just a pussy eating?

I think a guy going down with a girl. I mean, I think it started happening. It was pretty... Well, a lot of the early people were black, and I don't think y'all ate pussy. You think they did? Great point. That's a fantastic point.

Yeah, white people really invented that shit with the colt. Yeah. Pussy wasn't eatable in the sub-Saharan Africa. No, that's true. But we had eatable pussy before fire, though. I don't know. There's no way. There might have been people who did it, but it wasn't like...

How did they describe good pussy before fire? What did they even say? Yo, this shit is water, bro. Yeah, I don't know when pussies started getting eaten. It's a tough one. When did you start? Eating pussy? Yeah. Oh man, in my 20s.

Oh nice. When I wear... Because before that, like... That's pretty grown to do it. I know, you started late. You had no curiosity? No, because we were like, we were shamed about it. By whom?

When I was, like, when I was,? Like I was at the tail end of that where it was like people didn't. Oh yeah, black dudes, this is a more recent thing, to eat pussy. Yeah, people didn't eat pussy. He did, because he's a half Latino. They didn't admit to eating pussy. They would do it, they just wouldn't tell, they'd tell their boys they didn't.

Exactly, exactly. Yeah, and why was it? Is it the positioning? Is it your butt being in the air or something? I don't know, man. I don't know, I just think, I think it's like an extra macho thing put on black men. Where you kind of, it's like there's an expectation that you...

Don't eat pussy. Well that you do whatever the manliest thing available. And I think back then it wasn't seen as manly. That was an Italian thing too apparently. I remember an episode of Sopranos, one of the old mob bosses had like a mistress and then she told people that he went down on her and he broke up with her. He was like in love with her, but he's like, fuck you, how dare you. They had that episode? Yeah. They had that episode of Family Matters,

the Don't Eat Pussy episode. Yeah. It was a big PSA. Be careful. Miracle was doing it a lot. Okay, so as a grown man, 20 years old, you go down on a girl for the first time. Oh, yeah.

Black chick, white chick? White chick. Yeah. Did she just expect it and you're like, okay, I gotta do this? Or you actually wanted to, you were curious? Nah, I was just trying to remember what I was being told by the OGs. Okay, okay.

The OGs, the Wynos, the creepy uncles. Yeah. All of you were like, all right, now when you get in there, now make sure you got the, yeah, I didn't do it good. Yeah, what were you even doing? What strategy was that? Because you know it's weird that we think that the only thing between us and doing well is just getting to the pussy. But you're not just automatically

going to be good at this shit. But comics, especially, are fucked up. One thing, ask any comic this question. Are you better at comedy or fucking? And what would they say? They will say, they will act like it's a hard. Shit, that's the easiest question I've been asking. I like them, I never saw my comedy like that. You think about that fucking question.

You know it's funny, in my head I literally was thinking, yeah they can't fuck. Yeah. Yeah. Everybody think they're good at, it's driving, comedy and fucking. Well sex is a little easier because it's mostly like the same person,

you know what I mean? But like stand up is different people all the time, you know what I mean? Also like, what, okay. I thought you were married. When you say you're good at sex. You don't say mostly. Yeah, but if you're one of the top comics in the world,

you're not one of the top fuckers in the world. But also like, what makes you good at sex? Like, what, it, the bag? Like when it comes to basketball, there's a bag, right? Do you have crossover, do you have any of all the things? When it comes to sex, I judge it by if the girl orgasms or not. Right, I think that's part of it for sure.

So, but you could do nothing and then they orgasm. So does that make you good at sex? That's a hot crowd, dog. That's a hot crowd. Or that might just be a hot crowd. Yeah. The audience is kind of, you know how you say the rim isn't always 10 feet in comedy? I would assume it's like that with sex. I don't know, but I would assume it's like that. No, no, you're making a good point. Like sometimes the crowd is really good. Sometimes you perform at the Ice House. Sometimes it's so easier like this, this ain't me, this them. So. Right, I get that. Like I don't have like, you know that sometimes it's only black dudes that do this. They have like a video where they're like doing air humping and they're doing like the worm and shit like that.

They're like, what? See, there's only black dudes on TikTok or Instagram. I've never seen one white guy like do his fuck moves on nothing. Yeah, it's like R&B video choreography from the 90s. Yeah, but we do like air guitar. You guys actually do air fucking, okay? And I see those moves, you act like you don't know.

I'll do them as different. You're acting like you don't know. It's you I'm watching. I'll never do that. I don't do that. Like I'm not like doing the worm in it. Are you doing the worm in it? No, no, no, no. I'm very like doing the worm in it. Eh. Are you doing the worm in it? I know.

No, no, no. I'm very by the numbers. I'm fuckin' very like German engineered. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Efficient. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Efficient, cause I'm out of shape. Yeah.

I mean, you can't really don't all that extra shit. Yeah. Yeah, your motherfuckin' shoulder, you give out, start shing, you start drippin' sweat on the bitch. Yeah. You ever got a cramp? shoulder, you give out, start shing, you start drippin' sweat on the bitch. Yeah. You ever got a cramp? Oh yeah.

What part of your body? I've thrown up, whatever this is, the glute. The glute. I've had that shit cramp up on me. I've had it cramp up on me. What do you do? Why y'all laughin' like that ain't ever happened to y'all? I don't think it was my glute, I think it was my foot.

What you mean your foot? I think my foot cramp. You had a toe curler. Yeah, I think it was like a toe curling thing Oh, she had you Yeah, I have a couple stops yes Yeah, but they like that. I think anytime that you have to like take a break. I think that's a compliment. Hmm It's like when the other team calls time out. Nah, but that's like if you're about to come and you're like, yo, chill, chill, chill, but if you have to stop because of a cramp, that's not sexy. Yeah, but I act like it's because I'm about to come. I'm like, yo, chill, chill, chill, but like, well, one leg is just sticking out straight.

What do you think when you gotta walk it off? just stick it out straight. What do you think when you gotta walk it off? That's a little weird. Yeah, yeah. When you're doing a jog around the room. Shhh. Yeah. You wanna know the craziest shit I've heard?

A buddy of mine said when he's about to nut, he'll stop and then he'll hit his dick head. Oh, whoa. What? Why? As if like that will stop him from nutting. Why does Dove do this? Yeah, bad dog. He bad dogs, he bad dogs his nutting. Why does Dove do this? Yeah, bad dog.

He bad dogs, he bad dogs his dickhead. Why? All these, the pain people, fuck outta here with that shit. Nobody want no pain. What do you mean? You don't like the S&M? Nah. You not into it?

Not even a little bit. That's gonna take me out of the whole thing. Yeah, I get that. You don't like getting choked? I don't wanna get choked, scratched, n****, poked, shocked. No, that's shit. Tied up. Scraped. No, that's shit. Wow.

The tied up shit is stupid. I mean... I think it's so dumb. See, I don't... As if we can't hold them there. Like, it's just redundant, right? It's not like it's needed. But some people might need it, though.

Don't you feel like it's the girl saying that you're pussy? If a girl's like, yo, can you tie me up? That's the girl being like, yes, motherfucker, can't hold me down. A girl that knows you can hold her down never needs to be asked for that to happen. Yeah, but what if it's actually literally knowing she's tied up, that's what the kink is.

They don't think that hard. You think they think that hard. It's not that much. It's not that much going on. Well, she just wants to be there for a while, you know what I mean? Like he goes, eats a motherfucking sandwich. I'm sitting in this chair by myself tied up. Oh, that's kind of smart.

I should convince my wife to do that for a long time Really torture her make it sound you having a good time from the other room. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my god. Yeah, yeah. Then she'll use her safe word. Oh! Yeah.

Oh, Brian Simpson. We got Brian Simpson on Flager today, guys. Oh, flager. We got Brian Simpson on Flager. Oh, we already started recording. Yeah, we already started, man. This motherfucker's watching the recaps of the young thug trial. I bump into him outside and I hear through his headphones,

that's like, the prosecution rest him. What the fuck is that guy listening to? And he's listening to the recaps of the Young Thug trial, which is quite fascinating. It is kind of crazy. Are you watching too? I watch YouTube people who explain. What's going on?

Yeah. Oh, so you're in on this too. Yeah, yeah. Bro, it's fascinating. So the judge is wildin', bro. Fannie Willis. No, Fannie Willis. The new one.

Fannie Willis is the DA. The judge got kicked off the case. What happened to the attorney that got arrested? He was only in jail that one night. The judge held him in contempt for not telling him how he found out about a meeting that the judge had with the prosecutor, which was illegal. So the judge and the prosecutor did some illegal shit.

The lawyer found out about it. The lawyer snitched and the judge was like, you're gonna go to jail for saying that we did something illegal. That seems like- He called him out on it and he was like, how'd you find that out? And he was like, I'm not gonna tell you how I found it out.

It's none of your business how I found it out. Well, that's what he held him in contempt for. But why does he have to be honest about that when they can have this meeting without telling people that they shouldn't have had? That's true. He caught him out there, that's why. You're getting wild, man.

Judge got taken off it. And then the judge was taken off, replaced by another judge, and then that judge recused herself, so now they on their third judge. Oh, he's getting off. Yeah. Oh, Young Thug getting off.

I'm starting to think that the dumber attorneys are prosecutors. Like, you just watch these cases that are supposed to be slam dunks and the prosecution fumbles the fuck out of it. O.J., there was one in Dallas with like a politician. The most evil ones is prosecutors. Ooh.

The ones that's like, they'd rather take a pay cut. Just to put somebody. Just to fuck people, yeah. I think they're just not smart enough to be defense. I think the smartest ones are like, hey, I can get paid millions of dollars to, not even to killers, like rich people, on tax shit. I can make so much money defending the vile people, why would I be a prosecutor?

And then what's left of the prosecution jobs, a bunch of fucking idiots who can't ever prosecute O.J., they're just like, ah. Yeah. No, no, I think you're onto it. Because if you could make tons of money, most people would. There's a few people who are just like great teachers, for example. But like, if you're teaching finance,

but you could run a hedge fund,'re probably gonna run the fucking hedge fund Yes, but there's a few people who are like, I just love teaching kids and I want to you know, help the next generation Yeah, but those are few and far between yeah But I feel like the prosecutors are like aspiring politicians because they usually Politicians are genius Where who Fannie with the young, man. Where, who? Fannie, the Young Thug prosecutor, that bitch evil. Where, why?

Where she... The DA you're saying? Yeah, the DA, yeah. Why, why is she evil? Because you know what the meeting was about? They were trying to threaten a witness. So a witness was supposed to, a key witness was supposed to testify against Young Thug.

He said he didn't want to. So they had a meeting with him, the judge, nobody else. And the judge was basically said, hey, so I'll keep you in jail. If you don't testify, I'll keep you in jail until all these trials are over. Because it's a RICO case. So he's basically like, get out of there.

So after thugs, it's gonna be someone else, it's someone else. Yeah, but you could be in jail for years if you don't testify. So then he changed his mind, like I wanna testify. And then goes out there and then pleads a fifth. Right, but the judge ain't supposed to be helping you coerce nobody to testify or nothing like that.

That's crazy. Yeah, prosecution can do that, but judges cannot, right? Yeah, and they've been doing way more dirty shit. They're like accidentally turning evidence late so that they don't have time to go over and keep getting away with all that little shit like she do Yeah, this is my cousin Vinny Yeah, remember my like this is literally everything that happened in my cousin Vinny. This is old-school tricks. Yeah, she's dirty man

Okay, so he's gonna get off huh? Yeah, it looks like I mean if he gets off that's gonna be what I think It's gonna be over. It's gonna be over this week for sure this week. What yeah I think tomorrow's when all these motions get ruled on, motherfuckers going back and forth, saying, you know, I want him gone, I want her gone, he broke the law, she broke the law. You gotta understand, she's against maybe like eight or nine other attorneys.

And they all just keep submitting motions. Yo, help me out with this. I'm 40 and Indian Gunna. Did he snitch or know what happened? I don't even know. Cause I'm not, I ain't even start paying attention cause I'm not even watching for the actual trial. It's this side shit like the, you know,

the judge and the prosecutor possibly getting thrown off the case, that's the answer to shit. Cause they dirty. Which is wild because they probably right, like I said, the Y-seleves are fucking guilty. Yeah, but still they breaking the law so they can put them in prison. So what's your professional opinion?

What do you think the ruling's gonna be? What do I think it will be? The ruling, like guilty, not guilty? Oh no, I think it's gonna be a mistrial with prejudice, though, like where they're not gonna be able to try them again. Oh, mistrial with prejudice means they're gonna try them. I think it's gonna be a mistrial because the trial's already,

it's already the longest-running trial in the history of Georgia. Wow. And now, and now the judge is gone. So a new judge, it's like how could they possibly know enough about what's going on without going back through two years of transcripts? How could they know enough about what's going on to like rule over the trial for real? Oh wow.

I mean imagine you get selected for that case and then you have to go through two years of evidence, information, yeah you're not gonna want to do all that. And all the money and all that shit like. And not to mention like all the shit that was stricken from the record that you're not gonna want to do all that. And all the money and all that shit, like. And not to mention, like, all the shit that was stricken from the record that you're not allowed to see. So you gotta go back and watch these videos, but you can't watch the little pieces

that were taken off the record. It would just be a lot of complicated shit for them to actually give them a fair trial. I think they're gonna, it's gonna get thrown out. So maybe that was the goal the whole time, is just stretch this bitch out as long as fucking possible. Mm-hmm, wait for them to make a mistake. But he's incarcerated the whole trial. It's just stretch this bitch out as long as fucking possible. Wait for them to make a mistake. But he's incarcerated the whole trial.

Better be incarcerated for this time now. Yeah, for what he has raised. For 25 years. Because what they were going up again is attempted murder, right? Or actual planning a murder. The actual murder conspiracy. Yeah, so you locked up for, that's 25, right?

Yeah. Yeah. He was gonna be away for a while if he got guilty on everything. So if he does four or five now, that's a bargain. Yeah, but still, damn. Guys, that segment, it was brought to you by Morgan & Morgan. And if you're injured, you should definitely get your compensation by going to Morgan & Morgan.

I mean, you can literally go to their website, ForThePeople.com, slash flagrant, and you dial, you know, dial pound law. And for that, we cheers. Cheers, Morgan and the other Morgan. Let's get back to the show. Yeah, I mean, really what you hoping is he get out before it's too late for his music to be relevant.

Oh, I mean, the comeback album's gonna be crazy. I think no matter what, he's gonna be on fire. Nah, that's what we thought that about Shine. Well Shine also had been sent to Belize and he also lost the case. Yeah, he was convicted. Shine went to jail for like 10 years. Oh, wow. Yeah, and now he's a politician out there.

We talked about that yesterday. We thought that about Bobby Schmurda. But Schmurda came back. He ain't really had a hit since. I don't think he came back with, like the music didn't hit. I don't think. He came back and his energy was crazy, all the streams were crazy.

He just didn't have the song that matched it. So you still gotta make the music. But Thug's a great artist. Shine better than me. I had a total on everybody. That nigga still wants it. Bro, how crazy. Shine was so good, man.

We were talking about him yesterday. I thought he was the greatest voice. Can you explain him to me? I'm like, I have no. His voice was just, I don't know. Just, he was a rapper in what, Brooklyn? Yeah, he's from Brooklyn. He had a Fennar's ear. He had a pretty iconic first video that came out, like really cool voice.

None of us knew what the fuck Belize was, we just thought he was this black dude. Yeah, he sounded like Biggie. Yeah. But like more... But looks, yeah, he had like Biggie. Yeah. But like more of him. But looks, yeah, just, yeah, like great. Everything was cooking. And then he's chilling with Diddy. And then Diddy, him and J. Lo are at this nightclub.

There's a shooting. Somebody gets shot and killed. Diddy kind of says to him, yo, my lawyers are going to take care of you. Don't worry about it. And then his lawyers pin the murder on Shine. Shine happens to be from Belize, even though he spent his entire life, I think, here in the United States. He gets convicted and happens to be from Belize, even though he spent his entire life,

I think, here in the United States. He gets convicted and extradited to Belize. He can never come back here. He just recently came back because now he's a politician in Belize. So he came on some sort of like diplomatic trip. That's crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it's, anyway, this is at a time where like Diddy is dating JLo He's this sweet guy running marathons for the vote like everybody loves Diddy He's he's a teddy bear now when you look back on it. You're like, well, this is a nefarious Individual that is trying to destroy the life of another human being when he was the one that was definitely a cow And Sean still won't say his name. Ain't that crazy? He still won't tell on him. Ain't that crazy?

Yeah, think of the threats you must have gotten you're a politician in Belize and you're still worried And Sean still won't say his name. Ain't that crazy? He still won't tell on him. Ain't that crazy? Yeah, fuck that. Think of the threats you must have gotten. You're a politician in Belize and you're still worried. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think he's really scared. I think it's just that street code shit of like, if I tell, because people don't care why you told,

they be like, nah, you a snitch. I would've just been a snitch then. I'm just the only way to get revenge. This nigga let me get locked up for 10 years. Ah, fuck all that. Yeah. I'm contesting on that. Can Thug get paid for the time he spent locked up?

That's a good point, that's a good question. Like, yo, it's a mistrial. No, not really. I was never found guilty, but I still lost three years of my life and all the music that I could've made and the money from the touring, da-da-da-da-da.

No, that's an interesting point. Can you keep somebody against their will? You can't incarcerate somebody without cause, right? Isn't that what habeas corpus is all about? You can't hold someone's body without accusing them of a crime? I guess he is accused. Yeah, he's accused.

So while you're accused, they can hold you? There's no bail system? No, because it's a dangerous crime. Yeah, they're not bailed because it's a dangerous crime. So they're holding him to protect the population. I mean, that makes sense. Like, you've got some accused of rape or murder, like you lock them down.

But you also have a right to a speedy trial. So it's like a balance where it's like, yeah, but that's another thing. In that county, it's many people that's just been locked up for years and years and years with no bail, no trial, haven't been charged with anything. So they play the game, they kind of muddy the motherfuckin' waters, like they should let him go.

He's been locked up for two years and he hasn't been convicted of anything. And is this their way of pushing you to accept a plea? Accept a plea or coerce other people to snitch on you. Yeah, go state's evidence or something. Wow. Yeah. That's pretty wild.

That's pretty wild. Yeah, fuck those people. There's no reason to go to Fulton County, Georgia. Why? Because they dirty as shit over there. There's no reason to even be nowhere near that place. Yeah. Nah, if Fannie Willis the prostitute,

she gonna find something, she gonna find some crack under your beard, nigga. She one of those people, man. Is it to try to be a politician, or is it to try to clean up Atlanta? I've heard if you go there, you don't feel as safe as you used to. Now, they say that about every city post-COVID?

Yeah, but they all say they cleaning up the city. Yeah. Nah, a lot of these motherfuckers is just, they narcissists disguised as activists. That's politicians in general. That's every politician. Yeah, they just wanna be seen, they just wanna be in charge.

Yeah. They don't give a fuck about the actual place. She don't give a fuck about crime. She don't, don't you see the irony in her having him on trial for conspiracy and her conspiring with the judge to put a shit in for a while? Yeah. Oh, that's crazy. Yeah, they don't give a fuck about no justice.

She ain't paid. She giving her boyfriend million dollar no-bid contracts. I mean, that's crazy. The no-bid contracts is crazy. She don't give a fuck. She don't give a fuck. And I think she just wants these two big cases on her books so then she can move on up. Be a judge or something? Yeah, probably go into politics. Politics.

I think if you're DA, you try to be a mayor or something like that. She wanted to take down Trump and clean up Atlanta. I kinda want to do jury duty, bro. That shit sounds far. What? Yeah, like a real good trial. Can I tell you some shit? Like a long, a murder.

Your cell phone's changed jury duty, yo. Yeah, it's true. No cell phone, jury duty was torture. Miserable. Show up every day at eight o'clock, you sit in these fucking pews, waiting to maybe get called or not. You're there for multiple days. You just got to be there Maybe they call your name. Maybe they don't but you just have a newspaper. You'd read the whole fucking newspaper

You're bringing like a book There's nothing to do the idea now that I could go somewhere for three or four days that I would have to be Bring a paddle rack. Oh my god Racket. Oh my God. It's a dream. I just scroll all day, get all my emails done, do all the work that I need to do. Are you allowed to scroll though? Hell yeah. You're not on a trial.

You're just waiting to maybe be selected. Waiting to get selected. I remember the first time when I thought it'd be miserable, but I had an iPhone and I was like, this is great. Eight hours, I'm just chilling. You've never done jury duty? I be dodging that shit. Man, someone told me it's like, I'm just chilling and then they let me go home? You've never done jury duty? I be dodging that shit. Man, someone told me it's like,

I'm gonna get arrested for dodging it. No, that shit is bullshit. I hear that, but I don't know nobody that's ever got in trouble for it. Apparently you can just say, I never got it. I never got the summons. Bro, you would get off, and you go to trial for dodging jury duty,

and they're like, should we convict them? All the other jurors would be like, nah. I wish I did this. That sucks. Bro, that's so funny, because they'll send you like a, in New York, they'll send you like a blue one. And if you miss that a few times, it's like a red.

And I got the red one, I was like, I'm getting locked up. So I went and I pleaded. I was like, oh my god, I didn't see it. Could you please, could you please, like, let me try to do it next week? And the dude looked at me like, is he trolling me right now? He's like, you don't gotta be here, you fucking idiot. I was still working there.

When I pulled up and then we hung out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I told you. They're still worried about us. I'm dodging, they gonna have to come get me. I don't got it, man. What do you mean, it's not money? I know, I'm saying I don't have the time.

I don't have the time to be sitting around deciding if I'm guilty. It's so funny, because you voluntarily enlisted in the Marines and you're dodging juries. I know, I know. I'm not going to make the same mistake twice. You'd be a good juror. No, but he would be the pain in the ass juror. He'd be asking questions, he'd be raising his hand.

Yeah, don't give me no power. Would you try to convince the other jurors of your position? No, but I would just be the stubborn one. It's like, yo, not guilty. No matter what. Nah, he confessed. He said guilty. Nah, he didn't know what he was talking about.

He admitted it. I'm trying to get thrown off the trial. Under duress. And if they all said guilty, would you be like, hold on now. I don't know about all this. I'm trying to get thrown out of there. Yeah. But what if you actually start to really believe in the trial, like it was something that was important to you?

How could that be possible? It was giving you material and you're like, I need to see how this shit goes out. But what if it's a storyline, like a show that you really appreciate, you're like, I need to know, I need to know where this goes. Oh, like I'm on the Alec Baldwin joint. Yeah, you not tapping out of the Alec Baldwin.

I'm like, no guilty, no guilty. No guilty. No. And they're like, that's not an option. Yeah, that's not tapping out of the Alec Baldwin. I'm like, no guilty. No guilty. No guilty. No. And they're like, that's not an option. No guilty. Free him. Yeah, I don't know, man. It's just the idea of being stuck there just makes me fucking... I would just lie, cheat, steal.

I would shit my pants. Anything to just get the fuck out of there. Yeah, yeah. You would shit your pants to dodge a jerk? Yeah, for sure. What do you mean? I've shit my pants for free. It's like six hours.

Yeah, yeah. Oh. Yeah, that's a good point. You shit your pants for no reason. No, but how would you tell them or would you let them find out? I'd be like, objection. You say, ejection?

I say, ejection. Ejection, I shit my pants. It could be a couple of hours, but you could be up there for months. Years. These young thug people has been two years. I know, that's crazy. It's been the same journey. That's the peak of somebody's career. There's somebody...

I think it took them a year just to finish the selection. I think they must weed you out if you finish the selection. Oh, yeah. I mean, that's the original thing. Nah, I think they must weed you out. If you make over a certain amount of money, they're like, this we can't. Come on. No? So there's some dude that plays for the Blue Jays. And he's at the peak of his athletic career.

And he's sitting on this young thug trial. Just a big dude, bro. Freedom ain't free. Yep. We gotta wake up. Nah. He could be making 20 million years. Yeah.

Throwing a baseball. I have never seen anybody of any note, any celebrity, whatever, ever on a trial in jury duty ever. Tom Hanks did jury duty in 2013. For what trial? Tom Hanks, it was like a small one. They set that shit up. Yeah, PR dog, come on. They set that shit up. He wasn't in a murder trial. He wasn't in a two month, fucking eight month thing. That's what the jurors and the OJ docs said. At the end they were like, so why'd you say now guilty? And she was just like, I was tired, man. We were going to our hotel room every night,

couldn't see my family, no phone, watching the same fucking TV every day for a year and a half. Yeah, I'm out. Yeah. Speedy trial, we got a right to a speedy trial too. Yeah. Yeah, I'd have voted not guilty too on the OJ trial.

Did you, have you watched all the thing back? No, no, but I watched it in real time, like as a little kid. It took over all the cartoons. Yeah, but it's different now, bro. You were 10 years old, you didn't know nothing. It's different now, bro. You know nothing about nothing.

You just knew black people were like, he didn't do it, and you're like, yeah, sure, agreed. So be honest, when the verdict came out. No, see, that's beyond mistaken. Black people didn't think he didn't do it. No, they knew he did it, but they were like, it's our time. Just like, finally. Yeah, finally now you crying about justice, you know?

Yeah. Yeah, let's get one. And we didn't know that white girl. She wasn't like, or like a Shirley Temple or somebody that was like dead to our hearts. You know what I mean? If he killed Shirley Temple, that'd be a crazy fucking story.

Right, right. Then it would have been hard, he would have been hard to press to defend. Yeah, but just killing this girl who they really made her out to be a... She's a whore. Yeah, kind of a... Fluzy. Yeah, fluzy. You were a little aggressive with that whore.

She's still a girl who's dead. I mean, she wasn't anybody's wife, she was a whore. She's crazy. What the hell's wrong was no, she wasn't anybody's wife, she was a whore. She was crazy. She was crazy. What the hell's wrong with you? Was she fucking a poor boy? That's not like the way, like a euphemism for whore. She isn't anybody's wife, if you know what I mean.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She is not white. She's nobody's girl, the RIP. That is crazy you're not watching the Olympics. I'm kind of surprised by it. Have you been peeping it? Yeah, a little bit. It feels like too much.

I see the highlights. I saw what Simone Biles did. I saw an Asian nigga do do the with a sword. Is that a thing? Yeah That's the Olympics yeah, what did he do with the sword? I think he cut a baseball I think that's American Ninja Yeah, let me just borrow into me. There's a couple events. Gymnastics is fun when you put a country behind it.

Yeah, that's a good one. Yeah. A good one. Racing, that's always fun. Also, it's fun to see how diverse gymnastics have gotten. There's like Dominicans and blacks. It's like- It's not an Asian girl want it.

An Asian girl, yeah. Asian-American. Has it always been that though? No. I feel like gymnastics is always either Asians or blacks. It's not an Asian girl one. Asian girl. Yeah. Asian American. Has it always been that though? No. I feel like gymnastics is always either Asians or blacks. No. No. Asians. It's only whites. Yeah, Russians dominated that for. Yeah. Wait, the dudes or the women? Either. Both of them. Oh. Yeah, black people get into gymnastics until very recent. Oh, I thought black women been killing for the long. Who was the one? Who was the black? I guess those are the only ones I hear about. Dominique Dawes black women been killing for the longest. Who was the one? Who was the black chick back then? I guess those are the only ones I hear about. Dominique Dawes, Dominique.

That was 96. Those are the only ones I hear about. That's the only one I heard of though, but that was 96. But at the same time, the last white woman you heard of was like the little, the cute white girl. Keri Strug. Keri Strug, yeah. Yeah, she lost though.

Why they keep celebrating her? What she doing? No, she won, she won the gold. Oh, with the broken leg? Yeah. That's why I was fired. Mm. Couldn't have talked me into it. What do you mean?, she won, she won the gold. Oh, with the broken leg? Yeah. That's why I was fired. Mm.

Couldn't have talked me into it. What do you mean? I ought to let the whole country down, nigga. What do you mean? They talked her into it. Think about how bad she could have fucked her leg up if she would. Yeah.

One mistake, nigga. Yeah. Just for the chance to maybe win. No. I ain't got it. I don't love my country that much. You were a Marine. I know, that's why I know better.

The Life Tour, the last leg, this is it. Atlantic City, we've added a second show on August 24th. Then we got San Antonio, we added a second show. Then we have Las Vegas, September 13th, that's the Sphere weekend. We're all going out to Vegas for the Sphere. On Friday we're coming to the Life Tour in Vegas. And on Saturday we're going to UFC, the sphere weekend. We're all going out to Vegas for the sphere on Friday We're coming to the life tour in Vegas and on Saturday. We're going to USC the sphere then we got Cleveland and Columbus Then we have Minneapolis then we have Milwaukee Denver. We've added a third show That's gonna be October 16th through the 17th. We added third show

October 18th Cincinnati. We've added a second show. Rama, Ontario, we're up there. Then Salt Lake City, we've added a second show. Reno, Nevada, we have two shows. San Jose, we've added a second show. Portland, and then Honolulu, Hawaii, and then the Life Tour is over, so if you want a chance to check out the Life Tour, this is the craziest tour I've ever done.

This is the tour that brought all of my dreams. May all of them come true. Actually, my dreams. Made all of them come true. Actually, you guys actually made all of them come true. But I think it is by far my best work and it is the work that I am most proud of. I would love if you guys come and check it out. These are your opportunities to check it out before it is over.

TheandrisSouls.com, do not get hit over the head by the scalpers. I will see you guys out there, peace. What's up guys, it's date time. This is important. I'm going to start out there. Peace. What's up guys? It's date time. This is important. I'm going to start doing a monthly show at New York Comedy Club. People in New York don't even realize I live here.

They keep asking when I'm going to come. I'm going to do about 20, 30 minutes at this show once a month along with some friends. I'm going to do a big chunk of time at New York Comedy Club. First show is August 14th, New York Comedy Club. Also August 29th and 30th I'm going to be in Honolulu, Hawaii. September 6th and 7th I'm going to be in Vegas. September 12th and 30th I'm gonna be in Honolulu, Hawaii. September 6th and 7th I'm gonna be in Vegas. September 12th and 13th I'm gonna be in Doral, Florida. And the 19th and 20th I'm gonna be in Timonium, Maryland which I'm pretty sure is outside of Baltimore but I don't really

know. 28th Greensville, South Carolina and we are gonna have more dates coming at you guys. Go to AkashSingh.com those. Also, if you want the best jai in the city, go to my brother's jai shop that I have also invested in, Fontanious. That's F-O-N-T-A-I-N-H-A-S. Go there, check it out, best jai in the city, or I'll give you your goddamn money back. Let's get back to the show.

I won't give you your money back, probably, but I'll think about it. Let's talk. Wait, what did you do in the Marines? He was deployed twice. I was a technician. Oh, like what'd you fix? I basically fixed like communications equipment

for like this rate, for this giant radar. Oh wow. Yeah. May I ask you a question about the Marines? Is there like within the Marines a hierarchy how much respect you get based on, like if you're a technician, like JD Vance was like a war journalist or something?

It's all gay stuff. But yeah, journalists is like, you don't even got a gun. You didn't even, you're not even in the armed forces, you're in the forces. But you could get murked. Yeah, but I'm curious, within that, within the services, do they look at you? Oh yeah, well yeah, of course. I think it's the same in all the services. Like do they look at you as a technician?

But the closer you are to danger, the higher you're ranked. Right, but you probably usually aren't also not that intelligent. So that's really the only comeback you got. Got it. That's why y'all niggas dumb. So the smartest people are like the cooks. No, no, no. Those are people that are dumb and pussies.

No, no, I'm kidding. I bet you not. No, the Marine Corps don't have cooks, so. What do you have? I think the Navy cooks for us. Yo, get out of here. Whoa, whoa, whoa. That's hilarious.

Come on, get out of here. There's no cooks in the Navy. Yo, go make me some mac and cheese, maverick. I mean, maybe shit's different now, but when I was in the cook there was no cooks on the Marine Corps. Really? Nah, there's no cooks or no medics. I thought that's the whole reason they let women in.

Isn't it a little foolish? I mean yeah. What? Go on. No, no, okay, okay. What is the purpose of having like infantry women? Man, there isn't one. Yeah.

You know, but I have no idea. I don't think those ain't real, right? I don't know, I'm just trying to understand. I understand like, okay, if you're a sniper, I understand when like the field is level, right? You're a sniper. Athletically. Technician.

Drone pilot. Drone pilot. All these things, absolutely. But if it goes to like breaking down the door and potentially hand to hand combat and like actually carrying a heavy thing around the desert for a while, don't you just want dudes to do it because they have an advantage? That's what I would want. Son, if the other side saw me in the infantry, I think they'd be like, America's over.

But at the same time, though, I think, man, a lot of that training is so hard, it's like. So weed them out. Yeah, I mean, because it's definitely, listen, it's definitely one or two or three women in there that can do all that same shit. Yeah. Because most of the dudes crying about it

is dudes that couldn't pass the training anyway. Yeah. Do. Yeah soldier steroids We should we should bro. I mean, I think a lot of them are on it. Well, that should be just part of it Yeah, I think so late and why not like what's the everyday? You rage could be it. They're ready. That's perfect Mark had a good argument that they should give the the people in the Special Olympics Yeah, I did not say that so I think that makes them too powerful. Yeah I've got a good argument that they should give the people in the Special Olympics steroids. How do you feel? I did not say that. Because I think that makes them too powerful. Yeah, Mark said that.

I know. Too powerful? I didn't say that. But he thinks that they should be given. If there is any Special Olympic athlete, they should be allowed steroids to increase the amount. Well, they should be allowed. They should be allowed.

Yeah. Why not? Uh, I don't know, man. You want a level playing field? Right. Or what if you like activate the mutant genes? But yeah, I guess we have to see. Has that been tested before?

No, I see white people always playing guard. No, I'm not just- When you're closest. Man, we can't juice up our special needs kids, man. Yeah, can't do it. It's too risky. No, no, no. We can't. People in the Paralympics do it. Yes. do it. It's too risky. No. Yeah, we can't do it There's a guy with an arm that was like a slalom guy

The guy is metal revoke cuz he was juicing it was using but just let them fucking juice They're all just such a disadvantage. Just let them take whatever the rules should be like as long as you only inject in the nub Then you're good to go apparently it's a whole problem because there's some people's spinal cord injuries that need steroids in order to function as basically medicinally prescribed. And they're like, yo, I need this shit to live. Let them do it. See, I feel like, man, you had your chance, man. You don't get to participate in the Olympics

just because you want to. Like, oh, you recovered from spinal cord. That's kind of what I feel. It's like, we don't owe you that, because it would be a great story. Like, you're like, oh, you recover from spinal? That's kind of what I feel. It's like, we don't owe you that because it would be a great story. Like, you're like, oh, I hurt myself, and I climbed all the way back to the top. I should be able to do steroids so I can be in the Olympics. Well, why?

Well, this is para. This is para. Oh, it's people that's paralyzed. No, no, Paralympics. Wow, I went on a long rant for nothing. There's been a couple people that do both, like, Pistorius, he was a legendary one. Oh right, that was, okay, the dude with the bendable leg. Yeah, he did Paralympics, crushed everyone.

Did he kill somebody? Yeah, yeah. That's why. That whole other thing. Probably, because he was doing steroids. Yo, Lil' Keef. Yeah, he might've. Who did he kill?

His girlfriend. His girlfriend. Yeah. Wow. Allegedly. That whole thing was wild. Allegedly, so whole thing was wild. Allegedly, so he didn't get found guilty?

I mean, he did. He got found guilty. He's pretty out of it. Culpable manslaughter. You don't buy it? What is it? He shot up into a door. Culpable manslaughter.

I mean, he shot into a bathroom door where she was, so it's not like there was a big space. He thought someone was robbing the place. And also taking a shit. And, yeah, in the restroom right after that. Yeah. And also, yeah, you know, arguing with him about domestic things. And wasn't she pregnant?

Was she, what? Was she pregnant? No. No. No. This is on Valentine's Day, I believe. Oh, no. Yeah.

God damn, you suck. You can't be nice for one day. You can't kill her on the 15th. Like, what is that? Like, you wouldn't break up with a girl on Valentine's Day. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, that would be too far.

So he got found guilty. What'd he get? What'd they give him? They gave him 10 years, I think. Like, what is that? Like, you wouldn't break up with a girl on Valentine's. Yeah. That's true. So he got found guilty. What'd he get? What'd they give him? They gave him 10 years, I think, and then he, I think it was a longer sentence, but some of it got commuted. He actually just got released. I think they gave him 10 years and took his legs for 20.

He got his punishment. He got released, though. I think he's back, uh, market. We gotta get him on the pot. He's around. Really? He's wheeling around now. I would talk to him about that experience.

January 1st, 2024. Yeah. He's a computer guy. You gotta fight. I the pot. He's around. Really? He's wheeling around now. I would talk to him about that experience. January 1st, 2024. Yeah. He should compete. You gotta fight. Put the leg to stand on jokes.

I mean, a lot of those would go, but now those jokes can fly because he killed somebody. Like, you guys have no empathy. Yeah. So he has a really interesting story, and we can make fun of him as much as we want, because he did something really bad in his life. He really did. Yeah. Apparently I was looking into it even if it wasn't his girlfriend even if it was an intruder

that was stealing shit and also took a shit in the middle of it he still would have been found guilty. Really? Because I don't think you could just like shoot through a door without knowing what's behind it in South Africa where he was at the time of the crime took place. I mean I would imagine there's like pretty good self-defense laws out there. It's a dangerous spot. So apparently his house got robbed before and he was like kind of like on edge. A little anxious about getting robbed.

Yeah, I mean, I'm sure if I got into a fight with my wife, I'd be like, Yeah. Someone is robbing me in the bathroom. What the fuck are we talking about? That's ridiculous. Sounds like an intruder is here. Yeah. That's a great excuse.

Yeah. And apparently he had to cross her side of the bed in order to get to the bathroom. And there was nobody there. And he didn't think, whatever. Did he put his legs on first? No. So this was contested.

This was a part of the whole trial. Because that is important. And so I think the prosecution was saying that he did put his legs on to prove premeditation But I think they were able to prove that the bullet holes were going up They looked at it they were like yeah, I think they're going so I think they confirmed that he hadn't he didn't put his legs Which would also indicate like he was panicked You know what I mean? Like he just hopped out of bed thinking someone's in there, crawled, army crawled. And furthermore, he's vulnerable.

Killing with that odd job. Shit. Yeah. But yeah, legendary Olympic moment right there. God damn. That was it. Yeah. But I feel like, do you think people would be surprised

if you killed your wife? Yeah. Like, we woke up in the morning, it was like Andrew snapped and fucking threw his wife out the window with a head. I would be shocked. Would have cost me like, no way. Yeah, he would be like no way. Yeah.

Unless it was, unless he heard it right before the podcast started. Unless, unless the conversation right before this podcast began, happened, and then he heard the information, then I think it would be quite believable. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But outside of that, no, I don't think anybody would believe.

I'm glad as I can't think of a person I know who would kill their wives and I wouldn't be surprised. No? Yeah, who are you thinking that you're like, I can see it? Damn, see, I don't want to thought they'd let us in the street. But you got someone in mind. Yeah. You could just bleep it. I mean, for public safety, you should.

Nah, nah, nah. Fuck you, for public safety, you should. No, no, no, fuck you. I ain't no snitch. I need to know that I should look at this guy funny. Yeah, well, just bleep it. Have you not tried to intervene? Would I intervene? Like, have you not tried to, like, if you think, if he's going to kill a girl and you're not, you wouldn't be surprised. No, no, no, I don't think he's gonna, but I'm saying, but if I heard the idea, I would be like, no way.

Is it because of the relationship or because of who he is as a human? Because of who he is as a human. You don't know nobody like that? Or y'all are all just friends with the best? Who's best or the best? Y'all got the besties? Also, I love how, in order to not murder your wife, you gotta be the best.

What are you talking about? That's his bar. Only the cream of the crop doesn't kill their wives. I mean, I've met a couple people I think are probably dangerous. You know what I mean? And so I wouldn't be shocked in that regard. I'd better kick my mom's ass

and I still wouldn't think he would kill her. Really? Yeah. That's a giant leap, dog. I'm starting to think that's why you don't wanna get mad. Yeah. Is that what you're saying, old brother? He's like, I know what I'm kidding. No, that's not that big of a leap. If they would beat their ass, you don't wanna get married. Is that why you single, brother? He's like, I know what I'm kidding.

No, that's not that big of a leap. If they would beat they ass, you don't think they would kill him? I actually think it proves the opposite. It's kind of a good point. Really, like I'm showing him a strength? Yeah. It's like there's proof that this is as far as I'm,

you know, pre-understand. Okay. Yeah. Well, I guess I gotta retake my damn heart in the whole class or whatever. Yeah, who's the person? Are you capable of killing your future wife? No, of course not.

Let's focus here. Who's the person? Yeah, who's the person? What are we talking about? Just blank it. We'll bleep it. We just want to know. Why?

You don't trust us to bleep it? Well, absolutely bleep it. But I don't have to trust you because I'm not going to tell you. But that means that you don't trust us to bleep it? Well, absolutely bleep it. But I don't have to trust you, because I'm not gonna tell you. But that means that you don't trust me. When this, one of these bitches dead. This is emotional terrorism, huh? When this bitch is dead, I want you to know it's on you.

Yo, real talk. Well, I'll write it down on a piece of paper and put it in an envelope that you can only open. After she dies? Dude. She'll be like, yo, yeah, no, he got it. Yeah, this is crazy. You act like we're being weird.

You're being fucking weird, dude. Hey, listen, I don't have a problem with being weird. Or with a woman dying. Do you know what I mean? What you going to do, Akash? You going to go over there and save her right now? You going to foil the plot? That's actually, actually, you're saving us the guilt.

I don't want to foil the plot. Maybe. That's actually, actually you're saving us the guilt. Yeah. I don't wanna know. Exactly. You bear that burden. You're Iron Man. I'm comfortable being a terrible person. Well, no, you're not terrible. They're terrible.

But you didn't do anything. Right, but they're not planning on hurting anyone. But they might. And you know that they could do it. Right. I don't want you to tell me that It's not just a lot of it's not against a lot of want to do it That's true

You know wanting to do things is not wanting to do drugs is not against the law wanting to sell drugs not against the law Hmm. Yeah restraint is good. We value restraint, right? But I'm not just knowing the character your friends, you know a guy. I know a guy. I'm sure you know a guy. No? Do I know the guy you're talking about? No, no.

Oh, then I definitely don't now. Yeah, why would I care? Damn. What's the longest relationship you ever had? The way he was saying it, I knew it. Yeah, I'm saying. Three and a half years. Three and a half years?

And what happened? He killed her. She did, baby. Wait, it just fizzled out? Yeah, people grow apart, you know? Have you ever dated someone who's dead? Who's had died since? Like, she's dead now.

Oh, no, no, no, no. No. No, man. Hooked up with someone she's dead now. Who's had died since. No, no, no, no. No. No, man. Hooked up with someone who's dead now? Yes. And? What you mean? Like in memoriam.

Like give the eulogy. Like you made him give the pussy a different review? Give the pussy a eulogy. Like how was it for real? Postpartum reviewer. No, no, no. It was awesome. I mean, man, you trying to get me to put my business in the tree.

Not really. But I guess, I never really thought about it until you said it like that though. Yeah. Yeah, but they died after, so that's the key. I hope they die after. They died before, it's definitely a weird thing. Brian, what question did you think I asked you if you were a necrophiliac, Brian? I mean, you think, bro. Brian, yeah, now, what question did you think I, did I think I asked you if you were a necrophiliac, Brian? I mean, you could've been.

I don't think you would do that. Crazier questions have been asked on this podcast. You think? That is probably true. Or do you fuck the dead? Yeah, that's it. Sincerely asking that question has gotta be the craziest question

that's ever been asked on this podcast. Or any pod. Any pod? Yeah, I just don't see you fucking the dead. Also, you look too lazy to fuck the dead. Yeah, well that's a good point. Yeah, you gotta dig and shit. Yeah.

They way stiffer. They're stiffer, but also I don't see you all humping and doing all the moves and everything like that. I see you more like relaxing. Digging up a grave, like you ain't doing all that. No, I'm not a cold cut kind of guy. Wait, so what happened to the girl? Can you say, can you share a cold cut kind of guy. Yeah. Wait, so what happened to the girl? Can you say it?

Can you share how she passed away? No. Cold look, she killed herself. Well, that's different than no. Yeah. But she. Well, that's way different. You mean like specifically?

Like did she jump off a bridge? No, no, no, no. All I know is like natural causes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah. Yeah was like natural causes or something. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah, it's just... Yeah, she met a tragic end. Oh, no. Poor thing.

Damn. And how shortly after was it that you... Oh, this was way after. Oh, God. That's important. Wait a minute. Do you think I did it? I know.

No, I'm just asking. Can I ask you a question? It kind of sounded like this. I think he thinks you pushed her to it. I don't know. Have you jerked off to her since? No. Just, just, just, just, just one.

That's the craziest question that's been asked in this podcast. Just pour a little liquor for the dead homies, you know what I mean? So you just went from, we would never accuse you of necrophilia to. No, no, you didn't beat off to her being dead, but you beat off to what you guys had.

Yeah. Pour a little out. Pour out of your dick for the homies. That's it, spill some. I think you gotta delete dead people out your spank bank. Really? Yeah, I think you're absolutely had. Pour a little out. Pour out of your dick. That's it. Spill some. I think you ought to delete dead people out your spank bank. Really?

Yeah. I think you're out. I think, yeah. No, because what if she's like an angel watching down? That's big enough. Like, yo, what's up? She looking at her work. Yeah.

That's kind of fire. Love you, grandma. Get cursed. Man, holy shit. What the fuck? What the hell? What the hell? What was I saying?

I'm saying she's up there. So your grandma just passed. I'm saying she's up there. Get creative, guys. Oh, no. I'm saying she's up there. So your grandma just passed. I'm saying she's up there. She's also looking down. She's not even cold yet. Mark, that was crazy. I don't mean that. I don't mean like all that.

I'm just saying she's also there. Wow, boy. Your grandma's watching you. You got to show her the extra high. She just swooped down and grabbed that. Do you say all y'all grandmas are watching y'all? Just remember that. My grandma didn't even know me like that.

But now she knows you. I never met my grandma. Oh, she met you though. I mean, she's looking at me, but like we never built anything. Like you, at that point, she's just watching me for dick. Like she don't have memories attached to me or nothing. She never hugged me, never gave me a kiss, nothing. So she's just have memories attached to me or nothing. She never hugged me, never

gave me a kiss, nothing. So she's just watching me jerk off. Jealous. Little freak. What kind of freak shit is that? What's she up there jerking off to you jerking where her freaky ass grandma is. No. I mean, she would watch my other grand, she would watch her other grandkids before me. Oh really, you don't think that you're the best of the best? Not a jerkin' off. Yeah.

Nah, nah, she watch, she got way other grandkids and great grandkids, she ain't lookin' over me. She not worried about you at all? You're still in touch with your grandma? No, she's my mom. All my grandma's dead. Because you weren't foster care, but you still knew your grandma's though.

Yeah, yeah, but they dead. Damn. Yo, Samson, what's going on right there? You voting for Trump or what? What's going on? Y'all got a Zen problem? Yeah. Yeah, it's really vague.

How are you having Zen? It's crazy. I had one for 30 seconds and shit for three days straight and you're just cracking them off I'm good No, you get used to it. Wait, are you going for Trump or what? Um, I mean, man, I don't give a fuck honestly, I think I think all y'all just groupies Who is y'all? All you political people that's panics headed to these people. Talk to us. I like this take Yeah, they sound y'all sound like groupies to me. The Trump people, the Biden people,

the Kamala Harris people was like, none of these niggas don't care about you. It's a complete waste of energy. Yes. I ain't having kids, so I don't care how the earth gonna turn out. So. But what if you got kids?

They'll figure it out. But I'm done with the delusion that there's something I can do that's gonna change things. Yes. So you want to take the emotional weight of caring about politics when you know no change is gonna happen? Right.

I've absolved myself of it. I only pay attention to what rides to the surface. Which is? You know, like when somebody shot at Trump, somebody told me about that. Well, yeah, everybody got... We weren't there. Right, right. I was watching a lot.

That's what I'm saying, but before that, I didn't even know he was doing a thing that day. I wouldn't have known. Right, right. What speeches, who was winning. Those people, they irritate me. Every single day, they made it their whole personality. Oh, have you heard what they say here this time?

Yeah, I think those people with that. Yeah, those people are searching for identity. Right. And they don't have it and they can find it within politics. Some people find it within religion. Some people have their own unique identities. But but yeah, some people do it with them zodiac. Some people do with college sports. Right. Yeah. So this is just another version of that. Exactly. And I don't want to hear about none of that shit. Yeah. I don't care about your passions. I hate when we try to share't wanna hear about none of that shit. I don't care about your passions. I hate when people try to share their passions with me. Interesting.

Nah, I don't care about what you, I don't wanna hear you nerd out on stuff. I'd rather just be alone and nerd out on my stuff. What do you nerd out on? Just nerdy shit. Robert Downey Jr.'s Dr. Dude? No! Actually, I didn't care about that,

but I don't think that even matters. We were saying, we were doing a pod the other day, and that would have been like a fantastic reveal live in the movie. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like, let us find out in the fucking movie. Now, it's a ballsy move, because you gotta pay him 50 million

or whatever the fuck he needs for a movie, and then you're not even using him in a promo. But once that got out, did Robert Downey Jr. is Dr. Doom? Yes. It would have been cool. But I think after a whole comic con, that's the only big news? That's the thing. Because it's over, bro.

All the stories are sold. Yeah. It's a wrap. All right, guys. Let's take a break for a second. You guys know Fume. I've talked about Fume for months. I think it's a wrap. All right guys, let's take a break for a second. You guys know fume. I've talked about fume for months. I think it's absolutely fantastic.

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You fuck with Spielberg at all? Who's your guy? Tarantino. Why? He don't miss. Oh yeah. He really don't miss. He don't miss. You watch Jackie Brown? Yeah, I watched every single one. Yeah. Multiple times. Yeah, I can't think. Reservoir Dogs? Reservoir Dogs, Jackie Brown. What's top three for you of Tarantino? Pulp Fiction. Hateful Eight. Hateful Eight? I never saw that one actually. That's good.

That's one of my favorite ones. I didn't fuck with a flake that much and in glorious bassist glorious bassist good bro glorious bassist good Channing Tatum Western Morgan Jackson yeah oh damn, but what about Django? No, Django went crazy. I had to throw Django. Kill Bill, Django, and then I don't know what my third is. Oh, Kill Bill? Fuck. Yeah. Bro, that's tough, bro. You know, credit to Tarantino, like, you make a movie, it is Reservoir...

Wait, what was first? Reservoir Dogs? Reservoir Dogs, then Pulp Fiction. Then Pulp Fiction. So you make two movies. But actually True Romance, I think, came before... Wait, he did True Romance? He wrote it, yeah. But he didn't direct. No, I don't think he directed it.

So you do those two, and then you can pretty much do whatever you want in Hollywood. And I think most dudes in that situation, they get scooped up by some huge movie studio, and they're like, yo, do the next Superman, yo, do the next this. And he was like, how about I don't do that? How about I just keep on making the movies I wanna make?

And then that shit worked out. It's hard to not be seduced. And I remember people were upset at Jackie Brown because they expected Pulp Fiction again. Got a whole different movie. They didn't understand this is what he's gonna do. He's gonna dip into a bunch of different genres. Yeah, and then he probably led a lot of other people

to fail thinking they could do the same shit. Yeah. It's like, no. Yeah, not everybody got it like him. Nah, you can't do it like that. You gotta do some of the bullshit before you can do what you wanna do. I love Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, too.

I think a lot of people didn't like it. I thought that shit was fire. My favorite James Bond movie is always just the last one I saw. That good. What about Death Proof? Is Death Proof right there? Death Proof is so underrated.

I never saw that. I never saw it. That's the car. So he did a double feature thing, with Grindhouse thing, with, Oh. That's the car. So he did a double feature thing, with Brian House thing, with, what's the name, with Dylterro's brother. No, no, no, Robert Rodriguez? With Robert Rodriguez.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. So it was Death Proof was his movie, and then Something Dead was a zombie movie. Oh, fuck. Yeah, yeah. The shit that, it's not- Dust Till Dawn, right? Dust Till Dawn. No, no, it wasn't Dust Till Dawn. No. He was in Dust Till Dawn. The shit that, it's not. Dust till Dawn, right? Dust till Dawn.

No, no, it wasn't Dust till Dawn. No. He was in Dust till Dawn. He was in it, but just a different thing. Robert Rodriguez directed it, but I think he was in it. Planetary. Planetary, yeah. Planetary, honestly.

So they did a double feature, like it came out together as one thing. Okay. But Planetary was first, and it's like this fast-paced action-packed thing, and Death Proof is kind of like a slow. You would literally go to the theater and it would be two movies.

And then you would watch back to back. Oh, that's crazy. Yeah, and then Death Proof is super underrated. It might be one of his best ones too. You think going to the movies, going to the movies is done? No. What do you see the future of that?

No, no, no, because you can't get rid of that communal, that, because there's part of you that like you check in with people. You want no, no. Because you can't get rid of that communal, that, because there's part of you that like you check in with people. You want to feel other people around you when you're watching something. Think about all your top moments watching a movie. Top Gun, Maverick. It was with other people. Even if it's not in the theater, it's like that group feeling of like we all, it's almost like having a good meal. Now you're right. You have a good meal with the homies,

and it's done, you have that feeling of satisfaction. I don't need 300 people watching it, but I do like, I mean Game of Thrones is a perfect example, even like Breaking Bad, like when shit builds to the point where every week it's important, it becomes a communal viewing experience. Yo, let's all get together. It's like watching a pay per view fight.

It's like let's watch this shit together. I want to be able to, I want to see the knockout and then I want to look at you and see you reacting the way I'm reacting to that fucking knockout. Right. But we don't do that with just entertainment. It's everything. No, it's like, but I don't think every movie justifies that communal experience. Right. Like, it needs to be Nolan Tarantino, Spielberg.

Right. It's gotta beberg. Cameron maybe. Yeah, James Cameron did it with the Avatar shit. I don't even fuck with Avatar, but it was so just mind-boggling that the world was created. He's another one. He's got a head start. Aliens was crazy, apparently, before time. Terminator 2 was insane.

I also like the... Titanic. He's crazy enough like a tar This is making this is making me feel dizzy what that I'm taking out every once in a while. Oh word. I do oh Take this shit out now. I'm in like gum No, what's that do? Oh, well, no, I'm saying you never you never put your first time using doing as in now He must have done a sin. No, I I mean, maybe I've done, tried one, but tried something else, not a Zin though.

Yeah, take that shit out. It's just nicotine. Okay, why do you have to take it out right now? I do because I don't smoke cigarettes or nothing, so it's just like. It's too much, yeah, you just keep getting nicotine delivered to you and you're dizzy, and I keep telling you to take it out

and you keep just keeping it in. Okay, because now I feel like you challenging me. Yeah. Now I feel like you're like, oh, I bet you. I knew the second that we said take it out that that shit wasn't ever leaving his body I mean bro, if you saw the edible I ate before I walked in here you'd be like man that dude's He's really rolling a dice. You like edible high like that much Yeah, I mean no, I actually I ate one last night to go to sleep, and it was the wrong, it was too much.

And then I woke up this morning, and I kinda, I was like too high still, so I was like, you know how you do like the hair of the dog? Oh my God. You get back after it. Yeah, get a little good, yeah, stay, stay. So I remember when we were in Portland, and we ate them fucking gummies.

Oh yeah. And I thought that the lamp in the green room was the Pixar joint. Yeah. I started acting out the Pixar lamp. I was so depressed after that weekend, bro. Oh really? It was like, whatever reason, like I can do-

You need to do it differently. Yeah, that shit, like Molly, I maybe had a little down on it or whatever like that. I did that Coke one time, Molly, maybe I have a little down on it or whatever like that. I did that Coke one time in Burning Man, and I felt a little down the next day. But nothing makes me feel more down the next day than weed. I agree, I agree. That shit.

I feel a little hangover right now. Oh my god. I'm just like so depleted. I have so much fun, but I'm taking out that loan on tomorrow's fund. I don't think I feel that with Shrooms. Really? Oh no, Shrooms take it out of me too.

I can't. I should fuck her. Everything kind of, but now I'm at that point where I know what drugs I like, and how much I can get away with. Yeah. Yeah, I don't be getting fucked up by accident and shit. That's a little kid shit.

Yeah. You just got too high last night. No, but too high, no, not really. I just never heard like hair of the dog for weed. Like that's dead. Well, I mean, I'm sure we have a different name. We can make one up. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You know, it does work with alcohol though, I'm not gonna lie. Being hung over and then you start drinking again, like you have that moment where you're like, oh, I'm not gonna lie. Being hungover and then you start drinking again, you have that moment where you're like, oh I'm back. And then 10 years later your whole family left you and you're just sleeping under a bridge. The hair of the dog is like going to the ATM at the casino.

Yeah, I'll get it back this time. Yeah, but I'll do it, I'll do it. You ever do DMT? No man, it's so funny because I thought that, because I feel like I'm close enough to Joe Rogan where I should be able to get it easy, and I just can't. What do you mean you can't? Can you ask Rogan right now,

can I do some DMT and he got you easy? Oh, maybe, maybe not. I haven't had some directly. Bro, what's going on? But I thought it would just be around. Just be around. Just not. But actually, what is going on though? What actually is going on right now?

What is happening, bro? Bro, your grandma just passed. She took DMG. That's the problem. Is that how you think it works? Nah, I just thought eventually it would... Someone just bring it to mothership. I'm boys with a son. I thought I'd be Muslim by now.

Turns out they didn't ask me. Yeah, but I have had more lamb than I have had before. Since knowing him. Oh, that's a good point. Sometimes it's just me lambing around, nigga, because I know him. You feel what I'm saying? So that friendship brought lamb into your life

in a different way. But that's what you were... You're not as close to Joe as you thought, bro. Now with Rogan, that's the, like, you've probably done work out. Like, I don't hunt, but since I've known him, you shot a bow. You shot a bow. I shot a bow, nigga.

I've seen, like, Elk. De dehydrated, yeah, elk pieces, nigga. Yeah, I've seen different sorts of smokers. And none of this shit, I saw it. So I thought every now and then I would be like, hey, what's this right here? They're like, DMT. Certain things you don't just leave around though. That's true, that's true.

Yeah, I mean it's a crazy expectation I have. I mean, I really gotta admit that, you know. But you wouldn't try it though. Of course, yeah. I would try it if I found it. I would try it. I've been trying to try it, but. You know, it's something that our boy Poston,

shout out Derrick Poston, the fucker. Yeah, that's the homie right there. So, you know, I was asking Derrick, I was like, listen, we got Simpson coming on and, you know, like, tell me some stuff about Brian. Like, I just need to, you know, know some things about him. And this is how I would distill the conversation. That justice, social justice, not like in terms of like rights for Asians or whatever, but like social interactive justice is very important to you. I go, what do you mean by that? He goes, like, for example, like we were going to the movies one time and Brian has like the fast pass

in the movies and there's a line for the fast pass and there's a line for regulars. And if they take a regular before you, you're shutting down the movie theater. Hey, yeah, they're gonna do what I'm playing extra for. Most people would be like, you know what, I'm not gonna make a scene. No, this is my policy. Like, I do the same thing in the airport. Okay, go on.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, but it doesn't take nothing for me to be like, excuse me, ma'am, you know you're not dancing medallion. Excuse me. I'm diamond medallion. Excuse me. I'm diamond medallion. Thank you, this is the medallion line. You know that. Yeah, yeah.

I remember we were at like, was it Uchi or some shit? No, no, what was the Japanese spot? It was Uchi? We were in all the same Uchi. And like, I remember the waiter wasn't like bringing enough water or something like that. And there was a moment where you were like, yeah, I don't know how much more of this.

I could tell. Bro, the best moment, the best moment, Brian. Bro. You remember that? He had a moment where he was like, yeah, there's something going on here. I don't know how much more of it I could deal with. Bro, he's in the middle of telling a story

and the waiter in the middle of his story comes over and goes, oh, excuse me, sir, would you like a glass of wine also? And Brian just looks over the waiter and goes, yes, please. The waiter walks away. He just keeps staring into space where the waiter used to be, just staring off. Damn.

Just looks back at the table like, what the fuck was that? Might just be foreboding by accident, nigga. I wasn't trying to stare niggas down. But I, no, I get irritated easily by... Social ineptitude. Incompetence. Or shit that...

Like I need things to make sense, which I know is kind of tough in being in show business. You got to kind of fight that. Wait, explain that. Sometimes things ain't going to make... If you need everything to make sense to you or be fair or whatever. Yeah, it's not how the world works, especially. You're gonna be miserable. Yeah, go code.

So I'm also good at letting shit go, but like. Sometimes. When it come to certain stuff that don't make sense. You're on an airplane. I'm just like. You're on an airplane, you're about to get off, and the people behind you try to get off before you. What happens?

I'm not having it. And what are you gonna do? I'm stepping out of the aisle. I do that, I do that. I put the bag in the aisle. Yeah, you know it's not your it. And what are you gonna do? I'm stepping out of the aisle. I do that. I do that. I put the bag in the aisle. Yeah, you know it's not your turn. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Like, because people will try you. Because, you know, if you fly enough, you know that people will, they will use, try to use- Your kindness. Yeah, the fact that you don't want to cause a scene, they'll use that against you. Against you. So they'll be sitting in your seat and shit. Oh, I was just wondering if you wanted to switch.

Well, you should have asked me before you sat right there. So fuck you and your whole situation. they'll use that against you. So they'll be sitting in your seat and shit. Oh, I was just wondering if you wanted to switch. Well, you should have asked me before you sat right there. So fuck you and your whole situation. Because whatever story you got from me, I ain't trying to hear it. I know, there's a hundred times. Mike, but my child, fuck your child. Now, if they ask after you sat down, is it different?

It is different. It's still going to be a no, probably. You know what I'm saying? But I'm not gonna be rude. Yeah, yeah. But I'm gonna be like, yeah, I'm sorry, I don't switch. What if you're in my situation that happened a couple months ago? What was your situation? I'm sitting there, all right?

I get onto an airplane. This is fantastic. And I have an aisle seat, and there's an old man in the middle seat, and then my friend Dove is sitting in the window seat. Okay. And so we all get on, Dove goes into the window seat, the old man in the middle. So man, so you're... He is selected in the window seat. So we all get on, Dove goes in the window seat, the old man in the middle. So man, so you're...

He is selected in aisle seat. You're in a three person room. Yes. Three person room. Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember those days? Yeah, damn, bro, what the fuck? Why you have to say it like that? I'm sorry, yeah, damn.

Come on, bro. Yeah, I'm in the back. He already can't relate to your struggles. Yeah, right. But maybe you can give some advice. So you already started with poor choices So the guy stands up and looks old as fuck for he's so old and so he stands up and he's in the aisle And I you know, I said dove goes in and he sits in the middle and he leans over he's like, excuse me, sir I just got back surgery. My whole back is just so fucked up

I just I'm gonna go to the bathroom a lot during the flight and Is there any way I could just sit in the aisle seat? And I was like, hey man, you're an old guy, we're only going a couple hours, I'll switch with you. Nah, you can't, no I'm not switching with you. Oh, it gets better. I'm not switching with you. It gets better.

Yeah, that sound like bullshit, you shoulda thought ahead. I switched with him. Okay. And I was like, I'll be next to my friend, and an old guy. That might make me switch, being next to Dove, whatever would be the best.

He's an old guy, I'll just give him, you know, whatever. Throughout the flight, he got younger and younger. Every minute that went by, he gained a year. By the end of the flight, he was like 50 years old, he was spry, didn't go to the bathroom one time, and he even leans over me, and he's like, by the way, I didn't have back surgery. I just wanted to get an aisle seat.

And then like five people around him started laughing, and he was flying with all of his buddies. He said, I can't go to a construction convention. Nah, nah. He didn't. God damn. What would have happened there, Brian? Man, I'm...

Might have to crash a plane. Yeah, man, I might have had to crash out right there. But also, that wouldn't have happened to me because I wouldn't have switched with him. I've heard all the sob stories. I'm immune. I'm immune. White people tears since the Amber Heard trial.

I'm like, whatever. Crying it. That's what it took? Crying. A white guy getting wrongly convicted? No, what I just mean, just the tears. I used to pause and everything. I'm like, no, that's part of your-

It's a tool. Yeah, it's effective. If it's not children crying. It's their, you know how Batman had a whole tool belt and the first thing he always went to was the Batarang? That's their Batarang. It's like tears. It's tears, yeah, but I'm like, excuse me.

I had surgery, yeah, it's too bad. It's too bad. You should've stayed home so early after this surgery. Have you ever switched? Well, yeah, I switched when I was younger. You know, when I didn't know better. Shit, when I was dumb. But now I'm cold blooded.

I got the noise canceling headphones. So you don't even hear their cries? Nope. I've gone like six, seven hour flights with a bitch behind me just, ah shh, ah shh. But y'all don't even hear you, bitch. Bitch, she mad, cause I wasn't switch. What's the biggest scene you think you ever made that you look back on and you're like,

yo, maybe I was low. Or you're proud of it, either one. I just wanna hear the biggest scene you created. The biggest scene? I don't really make scenes, I mean, I don't know, what stories was there we telling y'all? It was just that one. I don't ever make a scene, like I ain't about to do it,

cause I'm gonna get revenge in a way where I'm gonna get away with it. I'm not about to lose my cool and then have it cost me something, cause you stupid. You know, if I cause a scene, I'm getting away with it. That's the best kind of revenge. What does revenge look like? Or justice, whatever, budget justice,

just a little quick single serving justice. She's a little shot. Yeah, yeah, I caught a bitch, I was sitting in my car a few months ago, I was sitting in my car waiting for somebody to come out the grocery store, and she tried to leave her cart behind my car. And she ain't know I was in the car

because the tent perfect, right? And I wait till she climbing in, car because the tent perfect, right? And I wait till she climbing in and I crack the window and I go, hey bitch, put your cart back bitch. You know, and she started right away crying. I've seen the Amber Heard trial. Unmoved bitch, put your car back. And she's like, the way you yelled triggered me,

it reminded me of my uncle, you know, who he was, he molested me. I'm like, I don't care about that. What? She shared a molestation story with you. Yeah, cause I didn't care. Cause she was like, I was molested. So she kept going hot. Yeah.

And it just didn't affect you. You're not special, bitch. My whole generation was molested. What you talking about? We used to, our parents would leave us places where we might get molested at. Ooh. You know, hoping you would get it out the way like the chickenpox.

Yeah. You know? That don't have nothing to do with you putting your car back though. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, putting your car back ain't gonna unmolest you. Right, exactly. You can walk your heart over there

with your booty cheeks clenched. What the fuck you think? Did she? Oh yeah, she put that shit back. She sure as fuck did, she put her cart back, and she put her cart back and the cart that the homie brought out the store. Oh wow.

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Yeah, man, I'm the homie. I'm the homie. I'm the homie. Yeah, I'm good people, man. Would you be totally fine, no wife, no kids, nothing? In a fucking cabin somewhere, no civilization? Yeah. Yes.

Really? Yeah, if I had Wi-Fi, if I had like strong internet, yeah, if I could keep my Google 5, I'd live out in the middle of nowhere. Really? Yeah, for sure. And just keep tabs on the? Yeah, come back every now and then, pop up, be celebrated. Yeah.

You know? Yeah. Yeah, I'm one of those people like, I want to be invited to the party, but I don't want to go. And if you're not invited, you're going to be a little hurt. It's going to bother me a little bit. I want you to want me there, but I also want you to. And if you're not invited, you're gonna be a little hurt. It's gonna bother me a little bit. I want you to want me there, but I also want you to know me well enough to know that I don't wanna be there.

Oh, that's a free invite. That's perfect. No, that's why me and Derrick, we understand one another. We've been friends for so long. What do you mean? Because he knows, like, he'll tell me, oh, bro, we went to the such-and-such-and-such. You know, we did this other thing, because I know you didn't wanna go.

He said you got the best excuses to get out of being in the sauna or working out. What you mean? When you guys do the workouts with Rogan. That's propaganda. He said you got the best excuses. He'd be like, I left my alarm on my phone. No, no, no, no, no.

I gotta get out this hot ass sauna because my alarm could go off. This is what these niggas don't understand. What is? Is they, is, like you said, I'm efficient. And they not. Okay. You know what I mean?

And that's all it is. Yeah, I don't think Rogan's efficient. No, if we all say, hey, let's work out at 10. I'm there at 9.45, ready to start working out at 10. And then we don't start working out till 10. 10.30 because he's been there late. Right, and it's like, I got other shit to do. I planned on being here for two hours. But now I've been here for three hours.

Because y'all are late. Because y'all are late, right. And that's social injustice. And now you giving me shit about leaving. You're not concerned with my time. Well, whatever it is. I mean, you can be concerned whatever you want. But but it's like I gotta go. I know. So, and also I didn't want to do this. It's like I'm here as like, I like the camaraderie, but I like working on it by myself. Yeah, you like

doing everything by yourself. Right. Stand up. Right, it is that, but stand up, but also it's stand up is the perfect thing. That's a, you get the community, you get the commodity. It's alone, but it's also, right, and it's both of those things. And it's on your terms. You get to talk about what you're talking about. Oh yeah, that's why, look, every job I've ever excelled at

has been one where it's like, give me the night shift, put me in the corner, put me where I'm, And leave me to fuck alone, I get it done. And put me where I know what I gotta do every day and I ain't gotta talk to no fucking body. Hmm. And what other jobs was that? I worked, you know, I was a night shift at Intel.

And that's not really alone, but you kinda are working on it. And basically my job was just to move- The computer company. Yeah, it was just to move the wafers from the dry ash to the next step or whatever. I don't know what that, I don't know what's going on. But you know how they make this,

computer chips, they fucking, they take silicone and then they trace some chemical over top of it and then when they put that shit up to a certain temperature, it gets hard and then they scrape away the rest and that's how you get the mini circuit. Got it. And so my step in the process was the plasma of it

that took it up to that temperature. Got it. But I worked alone. I did the lay shift. It's crazy, computer chips and fake tits are made of the same thing, ain't it? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That's a good ass point. Actually, but I think you can get fake tits made out of other shit now. What? What? I don. Actually, but I think you can get fake tits made out of other shit now. What? Like what? I don't know, but I mean, you know, and you would think they would have like.

Saleen, I think. You would think some of them would come with like a little charger, you know, or something like. More stuff. If you gonna get stuff implanted in your titties. Yeah. Titty technology's not advanced the way you think it would.

You should be able to like. Get my money in it. Like a USB-C port. Or just dictate the size, like sometimes you wanna have big titties for like an event, and then sometimes you just wanna have smaller titties. Like a sleep number mattress. To work out.

Yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah, you're really stuck with one thing. Yeah. Sleep number titties. That would be great. Have the titties for the outfit you need. Cause you don't wanna carry around big titties

all fucking day, but then sometimes you wanna pop out and show people. This is a billion dollar idea. I think we really figured it out. You got a family pool event. You don't want some fat ass titties. You chilling. And you get doctors to start using that as a basic stat.

They take your blood pressure. They ask you how much pain you're in, one to ten. And they go, how much do you like your titties? Yeah. One to ten. Boom. What's your tit number? Yeah.

And so you pay the doctors to push it on people. The last 10 times you came, you weren't happy with your titties. So have this flexibility. I can prescribe you something for that. So now the doctors are in it, because they're getting money too. See, this is one thing I love about Brian,

is that he knows all the future technology shit that's on the horizon. Every gadget that's out, every type of gizmo. Is that true? You're a tech dude like that? Yeah, I'm into it a little bit. Are you fucking with the AI shit at all or no?

That shit's bullshit. Talk to me. It's bullshit. I think what it is is something, Chad GPT scared the shit out of all these companies and they all rushed to put this AI shit out. And don't get me wrong, it's here to stay. But none of it can do what it claims it can do.

Because Google just, Google kind of tried to force their AI on all of their users. And it can't even do shit to the old Google or something. I think I read that their CEO is getting fired off that. He need to get fired, this motherfucker. Because my thing is, I let Google spy on me a long time ago. They know everything about me. I'm like, so use that information.

Be better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bitch, like when I'm asking you a question about me, you should know me well enough where you shouldn't be getting it wrong. Yeah. Yeah, they get that shit wrong all the time. You got no excuse to be wrong.

You have all of my text messages. You have all my Google searches. You have every bit of data. All my have all my Google searches, you have every- All my emails. Every bit of data. Every YouTube video I've ever watched. Yeah. Yeah, so when I'm like, so when I go,

I want a strawberry shortcake, like you know that's what I want. Yeah. So why you saying something else? No, I do, I do, like you got no excuse to fuck up. Like your friends can fuck up. Like I can fuck up a gift for my wife, maybe I don't know the exact thing she wants.

I don't have all the data, but the algorithm should know exactly what she wants. They should know you in and out. And that's why TikTok works, because they take our decision making out of it. They're just like, yo, just scroll, we got you. Right. We'll figure it out. I promise we got you.

And that's our point. Whereas Instagram's like, don't you wanna see what your friends are doing? No, I woulda asked them if I wanted to see what the fuck they were doing. Unless it's fire. And then if it's fire. Then it should pop up.

If it went viral, show me. Yeah. Yeah, maybe we don't have high enough expectations for AI. We really should, it's trash right now. Try to get us to do anything. All that stuff they're telling you, so basically everyone is scrambling to invest in this thing that can't do what. You want for the investment.

Right. Yeah, yeah. It will be, but I think we're way farther away than they, but they've all already went all in. Okay, so what's the fire shit out now that we're not given enough credit for? Or given enough credit to? The fire technology?

Yeah. Like what is available right now that we're all seduced by this AI idea that we're not going, hey, this is really great? Oh, shit. I don't know. I mean, TV technology is. Like screen quality, you're saying?

The screen shit is the QD OLED shit. What's that? QD OLED is like a... It's basically a new technology, the latest version of the newest screen technology. So it's an LED screen, just more sophisticated. But it's quantum dot. What does that mean?

Go ahead. It's just like local dimming zones, really small pixel density, so you can like... your blacks are super black. I know he was gonna do that. Nerds don't know how to, you know what I mean? Wait, tell me, tell me, tell me. No, because I saw, because,

because what he just did was he Dr. Fauci'd you. Right? Right? Where it's like, you're not talking to other nerds, so you gotta break it down. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right, you're right. He spoke to you. So the local dimming zones, like he don't know what that shit break it down. You're right, you're right. He spoke to you. So the local Deming zone,

he don't know what that shit means. You're right, you're right. So look, basically. They got light skin and dark skin black people now on TV. Yeah, yeah. No, so basically, just to, I'm gonna oversimplify, but basically the last shit, the LED technology,

it was basically a light behind colored LEDs. With OLED, the colored LEDs have their own light. They have their own light, right. And so it gives you more perfect contrast and more, well it's perfect contrast and it's more accurate, right? That's why when you look at an LED TV, you're like holy shit, OLED TV, you're like, holy shit.

Well, the problem with OLED was that they weren't bright enough. So you would have great quality, but it didn't have the... It was impossible to make it bright enough without it overheating. Oh, so they had to make a dimmer so it wouldn't overheat and now they're getting to the point where they can make it.

Right, right. So you can watch sports first. It was probably, the other stuff was probably good for movies where shit can be darker and dimmer, but I need to watch football. Right, right. But basically like don't buy a TV without talking to me if you ever gonna buy a TV.

Oh really, you got a nice one? Of course, are you kidding? Okay, what about that curve shit? Is that just propaganda? Is that just like, oh people are gonna buy a new one. Oh really, you got a nice one? Of course, are you kidding? Okay, what about that curved shit? Is that just propaganda? Is that just like, oh people are gonna buy some curved TV? No, that's better, I mean that's good for gaming. It's more immersive, especially the 1000R curves, which basically, the more it curves,

the more immersive it'll be, but the Samsung has like a, like I have it, I have that monitor. And it works? Yeah, yeah, it's immersive, that's what it's for. It's a monitor though, it I have that monitor and it works yeah it's it's immersive that's what it's for it's a monitor though it's not a TV it's for gaming he's saying yeah but it's but it's but their monitors are also smart TV so you look like you can you can go to the streaming services and everything on right based on what I'm hearing for a TV for to really make it feel immersive it had to be massive and. And then the curve, you're gonna feel like,

oh, I'm in this. No, it just depends on how far away you sit. Cause the whole point is that it's supposed to fill up your peripheral there. And then I imagine you'd have to make content for that. You have to shoot in a way that it can wrap, or otherwise it's gonna get distorted at the edges. Well, they don't.

They don't do that. Nah, but they got AI processing the image to make it. In real time to curve it. Yeah, because I put it like this. I had a curved monitor for a few years, and I recently gave it away and got a flat one. And for maybe two weeks, it looked like the middle of my flat screen was bulging. Because your eyes had adjusted. You ever watch porn on the curve?

Of course. How was that shit? Immersive? Immersive, yeah. Now that's scary. Like, what the? Like, it's a deadpops hat. Yeah, you see fucking pubes right there.

You throw porn on the TV, you keep it local. No, but it just looks the same, honestly. It doesn't look curved when you're looking at it. It just feels like your whole field of vision is full of it. It's almost like wearing a VR headset. I was just going to ask you about that. Is that going to take off? Yeah, I think so.

I think. Why is it taking so long? Yeah, I feel like it got hot for a second and just dropped off. It's taking so long because Apple hasn't made it not cumbersome yet. Did you try the Vision Pro? Oh, yeah.

I tried all that shit. I have an Oculus that I never used. What's better, the Oculus or the Apple Vision Pro? I would get an Oculus over there. It's more stuff, it's more games, it's more. I bought the shit and it was cool for like a day. I did the rock climbing thing where you're with Alex Honnold on the side of it and it was amazing.

You're looking at all this stuff. But that's the novelty that wears off soon. It's not gonna take off until you can do that in addition to other shit. Like right now they call it, they say we multi-screen people, because some people will have TV on, a tablet right here, and a phone right here.

But it's like to do the Apple Vision Pro, the Oculus, you gotta put everything to the side and clear out space, and it's like that do the Apple Vision Pro, you gotta put everything to the side and clear out space, and it's like that's all you doing. You're setting it up, so that's why you get it, and it's cool for a day, but it's like, I'm not gonna keep moving the fucking coffee table. Yeah, every single fucking time. So, Simon's little game, when I got games on my phone,

I could just turn on the PlayStation that's on the TV. So, maybe it needs to be your glasses. Like, maybe it needs to be Ray-Bans, but you need to have all the cool, so they have to find a way to distill all that technology into something that's this small that you're putting on. Because putting that headset on, maybe for a flight, like have you done it on a flight, Al?

Yeah, I did the Oculus on a flight. And worth it or not? Not really. It's like, you look crazy too. Yeah, you can't see when people are fucking jacking you, you know what I mean? Getting in front of you on the plane and shit. No, you can see, you can have it so you can see through. Yeah, you can't see when people are fucking jacking you. You know what I mean? Getting in front of you on the plane and shit. No, you can see, you can have it so you can see through.

Oh, God, okay. So you keep tabs of motherfuckers trying it. Yeah, yeah, and people will try you too when they see that on your face because they don't know you can see them. You know, but you can push a button and you can automatically, you can see what's outside. Yeah, yeah, I've seen it.

And what do they do? I don't know, I mean, what are you gonna do? Your face is covered. Yeah. And you definitely shouldn't be out in public with no damn headset on. You look ridiculous. You look crazy, bro. It was like a fashion accessory. I saw it.

Remember people said that about Bluetooth headsets? Oh, that is true. People first were making just phone calls on them. Yeah, the first AirPods even. These fucking douchebags. Yeah, now everyone has it. But they had to change it to a design form that we didn't mind. You still don't see anybody walking around with that stupid fucking Bluetooth with a big

mic sticking out. When you see that thing, the thing that you see, the thing that you see, the thing that you see, the thing that you see, the thing that you see, the thing that you see, the thing that you see, the thing that you see, the thing that you see, the thing that you see, the thing that you see, the thing that you see, the thing that you see, the thing that you see, the thing that you see, the thing that you see, the thing that you see, the thing that you see, the thing that you see, the thing that you see, the thing that you see, the thing that you see, the thing that you see, the thing that you see, the thing that you see, the thing that you see, the thing that you see, the thing that you see, the thing that you see, the thing that you But they had to change it to a design form that we didn't mind. You still don't see anybody walking around with that stupid fucking Bluetooth thing. When you see that thing, the one that's like a little rectangle, it almost looks like a little pez.

Yeah. Container. Plantronics used to sell them and shit like that. Yeah, they looked stupid. Flash drives. Everyone else, like, and I'm not doing it. Yeah, yeah, I think it's... That's the thing. You just have to make it functional for our lifestyle.

And that stupid-ass headset is not functional for us at all. Yeah, it's not, yeah. The way it's it. That's the thing you just have to make it functional for our lifestyle and that stupid ass headset is not Functional for us at all. Yeah, it's not. Yeah the way it is now. They have yeah Nah people ain't willing to give up that much and it doesn't do that much cooler shit than Than what you already got it. It's hard to compete with the phone man you iPhone or Android Android Yes You some of you listening again, some of you Apple people are in a fucking cult

and you don't realize it. I just don't wanna make everyone's text green, that's it. I know, but that's the trick they played on me. I know, they got it. Son, if America used WhatsApp, Apple's stock would plummet. And listen, and I'm gonna stop you right now, you can't shame or embarrass me in the switchin', nigga, I don't give a fuck. Keep your iPhone, you know what I'm gonna stop you right now, you can't shame or embarrass me in the switching, nigga, I don't give a fuck.

Keep your iPhone, you know what I'm saying? And I don't give a fuck about ruining your group chat. I don't even like being in group chats. But that's maybe why you do it, because you get to be alone. I get to be alone. Don't throw me in a group chat for what? I don't wanna be in no group messaging.

Cause I can't, cause you can't leave. And then it's like, cause nothing pisses me off more than I get a group chat and there's four people in there who number I don't have. Who is this people? Now you just gave them my number. Now they pass my defenses. I'm gonna check.

Indians, we'll just put you on family group chats in WhatsApp and let me see. All right, I'm ruin it. 21 messages, one, one, one. There's one that I just deleted that's always like 87. It's just always running. Alright, if you wanna smoke, throw me in a group chat. I'm gonna tell you.

Wait, what are you gonna do? Bro, I'm gonna ruin it. What do you mean? Because some people don't listen to you, they'll throw you in one anyway. I'm like alright, this is gonna be the last time you do that shit. I mean, how do you nuke a group chat though?

Like what's the, like just? It depends on who's in the group chat. Gay sex, for example. It's all shit, people don't wanna talk about it in front of their parents. They don't wanna talk about it in front of their lady. You've done that? Oh yeah, why not?

I asked you not to put me in a group chat so you knew what the consequences was gonna be. You feel me? Yeah. And what do you say, you're like? Just whatever, like yo, how come I'll just ask an insensitive question. You're like a black Larry David Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, I guess maybe I maybe yeah

It's really hitting me you're just incredibly principled you have a very set except I keep it I keep it more and I'm only opening It up because I'm talking to y'all and I probably drank too much this early Larry David keeps it in too, but the character. Yeah, he's everything he wants to say. Do you drink coffee? And I'm only opening it up because I'm talking to y'all. And I probably drank too much this early. Larry David keeps it in too, but the character is everything he wants to say. Do you drink coffee? When it's necessary. Like, if you were to go get, like, a cold brew

at a coffee shop, and the lady just pours it in the thing, and all of a sudden the tip thing pops up, like, do you tip on that? Like, if she just poured a little coffee? Yeah, I tip on it. That's fine, even though she didn't do much. Yeah, well, I ain't trying to get's fine, even though she didn't do much. Yeah, well, I ain't trying to get into all that with people.

Alex made me start tipping. Yeah, you got shit. You got it. You got it. You were anti-tipping. Yeah. No, I always tip. I didn't like.

For black people, tipping is another thing. To me, it was, it's gratuity. You haven't even given me the fucking product yet. How am I gracious about this? What am I showing gratitude for? You took my orders? First seen in Reservoir Dogs. Yeah, but that's Akash.

I'll tip. Why should I tip the fucking, the guy at the, what is it, the bank? Is that the, is that the, do you guys tip the teller at the bank? It's a good point. I don't tip, and I'll over tip some people, grocery delivery, you're carrying fucking grocery,

I'm gonna tip fairly handsomely on that I think. I think. I don't wanna be presumptuous. Yeah, I tip. Nah, I'm not saying tip. No, we're doing, I've done like $12 orders and like $20 tips, cause I also see those guys a lot of times in the quarter.

That's just bad. That's retarded. I'm gonna tell you like somebody told me. You see these guys, you feel bad for them. I don't feel bad for the barista I know, I know, I know. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know.

I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I, would you know this? No. So then what you crying about? Just, is it an amount of money that's nothing that you just tip it? And this is some shit I think you would relate to. What do I think you deserve for what you did? Yeah, but that's not, that's-

It's not about my money, it's about- I just, yeah, I understand what you're saying. Some of these baristas, they're just giving you a little bit of attitude, then they flip that fucking thing. You ever have somebody get nice to you right when it's time to tip? You have a waiter be kinda shitty the whole time

and then right when they drop off the check, all of a sudden they're real gracious about it. Fuck you, I'm under-tippin' now. Fuck you. Just tip a dollar, tip whatever. I tip a dollar now, because he made me. At the coffee shop. Yeah, but I used to just be like,

you haven't done anything. I don't know what I owe you. You're a fucking smug barista. There's certain amount of social lubrication too. So even though it doesn't make sense, am I really just going to start a thing over this? Especially you go there regularly? But I don't feel I'm starting a thing at the coffee shop. I didn't. Now I'll do it. They remember. They are non-tipper. If you go to the same place, they go home.

Can I tell you something? I'll sign and flip it around if I want a tip. I'm not going to pretend we didn't tip. Here you go, there you go. That sounds like you're looking for reasons to not tip. Oh, that's for sure. What are we doing wrong in America? We're being nice to everybody. What do you mean by that?

I think people should feel- Tipping baristas? No, I just think people are scared to be rude. Now, people are scared of being recorded being rude so that nobody's being honest. So they act like they're cool with shit that they're not. For example? You know, like the bitch just knocked down on a medallion,

getting in the diamond medallion. So everybody's being polite because we don't want to be on camera Representing a part of our personality that we could be shamed for exactly So we're worried about social shame and therefore we're operating in a fake way in the world Yeah, is everyone confrontable? We need more people that don't give a fuck right? Because then they'll allow other people to also not give a fuck. And by not giving a fuck, then we will be more authentic

and honest with one another. And check the entitled people who might be trying to get away with too much, I think. Right, exactly. Sometimes the entitled people are scary, though. Like in my neighborhood, there's this like giant dude, Dominican guy, jacked, steroids, he's got a dog off the leash.

Hate it, hate it. Pitbull. Yeah, that's a little crazy. Pitbull. Off the leash, and the pit bull shits on the sidewalk, and then he keeps on walking. And I've seen it happen like twice. And what you do about it? I fucking walked away. Wow.

What would you do? It's a pit bull, off the leash, and a giant dude. He's talking about the Dominican, like, so when you say he's a giant dude, like you scared of him. Yeah. Wow. What? I would say wow. You can still actually be giant dude like you scared of him. Yeah. Wow. What?

So how is that wow? You can still act like, you be like, yo, can you curb your dog? You think he's going to- I can be scared of another grown man as well. That is crazy. There's no guy you're scared of? He bleed just like you.

Yeah, but you have to make him bleed. I'm just fucking with you. Yeah. You make smart decisions when you get a pistol. What's happening? You came to New York. I'm just saying- That's why we got pit bulls. Are you serious? I mean, is it serious You came to New York. I'm just saying. That's why we got pit bulls.

Are you serious? I mean, is it serious enough for you where you were hurt a motherfucker? No. I'm not going to go fight a guy over dog shit, literally. OK, so then what you crying about? I don't get it. But I'm saying, is this someone that you would be like, hey, man,

you got to pick up the dog shit. And he goes, oh, what are you going to do about it? And then what? Oh, then, then, oh, I see what you're saying. So if I try to be cordial and was like hey man you mind picking up your dog? Yeah and you go fuck you? I'm good. I wouldn't say another word to him but I would slowly start planning revenge though. So you give people a chance to do the right thing? Well what I'm not gonna do is be uncomfortable

where I live at. I'm not asking you to do something unreasonable. What does revenge look like? I don't know, maybe hiding some laxative and some bacon along the trail so the dog gets home. I was thinking the exact same thing. I'm like, oh, hide some laxative and doggy treats. I almost thanked this dude the other day. There's this dude who was almost homeless with a pit bull the other day

I'm in almost homeless. Yeah, they got those in New York white guys that are like It was a black dude, but it was it was close. It was like he had the pit bull. He's almost homeless He we're at this like park. Okay, and it's a kid singing class my daughter, you know, they're just like five months old They don't know what the fuck they're doing, but it's something for them to do, whatever. And they do it outside. No, watch, watch, they do it outside so they don't gotta pay rent, okay? So we're outside singing, and this dude had a pit bull, right, what you want, you want tequila?

We'll get some more tequila in there. No, that one's not good, that's just for show. Oh, that's not good? Actually, it is good. This one, that's harsh. Oh, it might be strong. We'll get some more tequila here. Miles, ask them to bring some more tequila.

Anyway, and some ice too, Miles. So, this dude had his pit bull. He was on a leash, and it's just a bunch of infants around. And the pit bull turned around and like barked a couple times. Okay? And all these parents are so polite, they're not going to ask the guy who's got his fucking shoes off with the pit bull to not do anything And he saw the dog bark and the guy got his fucking feet out like I you don't I don't know what's going on and he saw he saw the dog bark and

He called the dog over and he put a muzzle on the dog and they just kept back enjoying his day And I almost went to him after and was like, you know, thank you for doing that thing that made everybody else feel comfortable without And I almost went to him after and was like, yo, thank you for doing that thing that made everybody else feel comfortable without us having to have this awkward social interaction where I ask you to make the kids feel comfortable because you've got the dog that eats the kids. I wish I actually thanked him

because I think that behavior needs to be rewarded. Yeah. Like he did the right thing for no reward. It was considerate. But it was considerate. Considerate. And in New York so often times people are not, everybody's in their own world

because there's like millions of people here you just ignore everybody around you. That's why I did finally try the cat's deli that everyone keeps talking about. Yes. But I will never go in there again. I almost exploded in that place. Wait, why?

Because it's our way in life. Yeah. And what happens is, I'm not gonna say the words of people, but what happens is sometimes people, they will, because you ever walk in there, there's like 10 different cutters for you to walk up to. So they give you a ticket, and you're not supposed to have more than two people on one ticket.

But this family of like 10 decided to put two people in there to order for the whole family. So now it's 10 tickets. Right, so now it's right. So now the line I'm in, you know, everyone behind this lady is waiting like an hour for this guy to make 10. You know, and I'm sitting there the whole time,

like, and I just, it's just everything in me. You know, and then they put little samples up there, you know, and I wanted to be like, really, bitch, you don't know what brisket tastes like? You're here for the brisket. Yeah, you've been in line for an hour and a half. Exactly. It's not like it's some exotic Cambodian dish, right?

It's a fucking hot dog. Yeah, so I just, you know, I can't do anywhere where people have to like be thoughtful. Yeah. I just. See, but the thing is, New York, we kind of call it how it is. So I think other people online would have respected the fact if you called that family up.

Yeah, it's not as polite as California. But I'm like, but listen, I'm like, I'm in the middle of an iconic Jewish deli. I didn't think I was going to have to New York for the New Yorkers. I was like, where's? Oh, that is true. Where New Yorkers? Oh yeah, New Yorkers don't go there.

Right, right. A New Yorker would never wait an hour for a sandwich. But I don't think you can fake it either, though. What do you mean? Like, you can't, people ain't going, you can't fake the attitude. But that's just who you naturally are. Hey, I'm New Yorkin' over here, everybody. It would be weird, because you're with tourists.

But if it happened at a real New York establishment, if that was going on, it'd be like, yo, this is crazy. So what's the real, so Katz is not a real spot? It was. Yeah, it was. And I think now it's mostly tourists. And the food is fire. Yes, it was a tourist spot, no.

Yeah. All right, let's say you're on the train. And it's a little packed, all right? And you're trying to sit down. It's been a long day. You, man. And it's a little packed, all right? And you're trying to sit down. It's been a long day. You're exhausted. And there's a guy sitting there. He's playing music.

He's got his feet up on the seat. And you want to go sit down. What do you do? Can you move your feet, please? And all of a sudden, he's like, nah, nah. I'm sitting over there. Am I bigger than him? Yeah.

Don't move your fucking feet. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, I'll escalate real quick. You'll take it there. Am I bigger than him? Yeah. Don't move your fucking feet. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, I'll escalate real quick. You'll take it there. Oh, yeah. And if you're not bigger than him, then what? You guys just gotta eat that. Yeah, like I said.

But you'd be down to fight. Don't put yourself in a situation where you're going to lose anything. You would be down to fight, though. I would be down to threaten. Obviously, I don't want to fight, but if I'm bigger than you, I'm gonna take the chance that you're a little bitch. Especially since you need so much fucking room. Yeah. Yeah, that's bitch behavior.

Has that ever gone sideways for you? Oh yeah. Do you get in a lot of fights? No, not anymore. But you used to? But I mean, I'm pretty good at avoiding. Bigger guys. No, no, no, but most of the time you can reason with people.

If you're dealing with somebody unreasonable, you should probably just get out of that situation. Yeah. Yeah. Most, because I learned from working the door and so many places, most men just want a safe face. Yeah. So as long as you ain't trying to make a man

look like a bitch in front of his woman or his homies, but if you pull somebody to the side, you're like, hey man, I know what's going on with whoop. Like you can reason with most men. Women, it's really 50-50 whether they're gonna be logical or not. So it ain't about. 50-50 are those zero one huntsmen?

Yeah, because 90% of the time my shows are interrupted by drunk white girls. Yeah, of course. If I see a white bitch with a tiara, I know she's gonna ruin the whole show. Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna definitely have to speak to her. Yeah. Oh yeah. Anything that make a white lady feel special, you see a sash, you see a crown.

What do you think that is? Why do you think they need that? Why do they need they need that? Why do they need to feel special? Like, oh, it's my birthday week or whatever. I have no idea, man. Because I think if you ask them, they're gonna be like, it's the patriarchy.

You know, something like that. And I'd like to try to take them at their word, but that shit don't make sense. Yeah. So, I don't know. I think some people just want to, if they feel powerless in their real life, they want to feel powerless.

Powerful. Powerful. Yeah. So maybe that's it. But I don't know, but almost every show, you got to tell somebody, I don't care that it's your birthday, you know? Yeah.

Yeah, you're not special. What is your day when you're like at a club, you're doing a club weekend? What is your day when you're like at a club, you're doing a club weekend? What is Saturday like for you? Wake up, gym, Best Buy. Wait, why Best Buy? I don't know, Best Buy is so soothing to me. I like to walk through a Best Buy.

He just like to be amongst the gadgets. Yeah. Yeah. What's wrong with that? So you find a Best Buy after the gym and you just go peruse the Best Buy. Yeah, I usually peruse the Best Buy, get my mind off things, maybe make a little perk. Because you got to understand, when I walk through there, it's like all this stuff I used to walk through Best Buy and I couldn't afford.

Now you got it. Now I can buy any of that shit. And now that's how I walk through like, I'm like, I'm gonna get that one day, have that over there with that. Yeah. So it's just my little place. Yeah. Go to Best Buy, go get some food, like go to a nice little steak or something, and then

straight to the show. And then shows. Are there days where you won't talk to anybody before you go on stage? Oh yeah, you mean a perfect day? Yeah, I have those every now and then. Oh man, when you don't see nobody all day, that's the best man. That's so funny, my experience on the road

is like completely different. Because I would have those days where I didn't talk to anybody before I went on the road is like completely different. You know, since I'm here. Because I would have those days where I didn't talk to anybody before I went on and I always felt weird. Like I want to like warm up the social interaction before I have the highest stakes version of it where I'm on stage.

No, there's very few people that I can be in a room with and I feel like I'm, and I still feel as relaxed as if I'm alone. Really? Yeah. Who? But certain people can, Derek. You and Derek can do this a lot. Like if it's before a show, like before I shot my specials,

like everybody needs to get out except him. Really? Yeah, a couple of, comics, usually comics. If it's a comic that I respect, then them being there doesn't make me feel like there's someone here that I need to meet, you know? Yeah. So Derek will give you your space

to just kind of do your thing. He don't need my attention. He don't need attention. He don't need to be making me, you know what I mean? Yeah. But, yeah, but alone, that's perfect. That's the bee's knees. Yeah.

That's why, like, when people go on the road with me, like, I be like, that's the first thing I always say to them, like, you ain't gotta do none of this shit I'm doing. In fact, I prefer you don't. Interesting. You know? Do you enjoy the attention you get on stage? Because for me, I remember wanting attention

when I was younger. Now that I get it on stage, I don't care for it. But like. Well, you know what I realized for me is not about attention, it's about control. Mm. It's the fact that I'm in charge, there's no variables. Yeah, well the tiara happens and that drives you crazy

because now you're not in control. Because now I gotta fucking vibe. And the thing is those people, they don't realize that they're doing that shit at your expense. And the other people there too. Yeah, when you interrupt, then I have to still make it funny. Yeah. And if I don't make it funny,

it's still me that didn't make it funny. Yeah. And if I don't make it funny, it's still me that didn't make it funny. And so you're doing it at no risk to yourself. You think that everybody's trying to aggrieve you, huh? No, but I'm just, but I'm not gonna give you the opportunity. Have you been sued before? No, I've not been sued, no. But I have got God. Have you been sued before? No, I've never been sued, no. But I have got got.

Have you ever got got? Yeah, of course. He gets got all the time. Yeah, enough times to get got and you're gonna have your head on a swivel. Like how have you gotten got? But you have to be careful not to appear paranoid. That's the thing.

I think that ship has sailed for you. For me? Yeah. No, what I do is I just go to extraordinary lengths to avoid things that irritate me, you know, but I'm not everywhere just constantly complaining, you know why? Because I'm not everywhere. I be at the crib. Yeah. Yeah, I just don't be there, you know. Wait, when have you gotten got? That's why, listen, if you ask any, if my reputation in the comedy world is that I'm chill. I'm always chilling.

Yeah. Right, but I'm also always irritated. Yeah. But you ain't never heard no stories of me flipping out because I leave. Because the way you handle your irritation is you exit. Yeah, I'm living at about a three. Once I'm over five, I'm leaving.

Done. I'm leaving and some shit send me straight to 10. So I avoid all those situations. That's why I check a bag. Man, we had this old argument about checking bags. What happened? all those situations. That's why I check a bag. Man, we had this old argument about checking bags. What happened? Cause you were like, why do you check a bag? I would never check a bag if I don't have to

at the airport. Right, well everyone's giving me shit about it. But the truth is, not checking a bag only makes sense if waiting for your bag irritates you. Is the number one concern. I have another one one but go on. See for me, my maximum irritation come from me waiting for people.

So, because I like to get on the plane last. Yeah. I don't wanna get on early because I don't wanna be sitting there all the time. But what happens is sometimes, There's no more room. People will take, they will take the above space. So you gotta put your shit back deeper

and then you gotta wait for all these fucks to get off the plane before you get off the plane. And that is the moment where I might fucking pop my, you know what I mean? And so to avoid that moment, I don't put nothing above. Everything get checked and it keeps it from stealing from you. Son, I had a girl grab my fucking suitcase out of the overhead, go to, leave the airport,

left her suitcase, thought mine was hers, different color, different shape, different weight, all my, she was still in the suitcase when I went home. But she does this dumb bitch just reached up, grabbed the wrong suitcase and left the airport. This drove our cars crazy. And it is an infuriating thing to happen. That's reasonable.

How did you track her down? Big Cab, my, like, the guy was shooting at us, all my stuff, he was like, yo, she might have a tag. I didn't even think about that, I'm so fucking irritated. Open the tag up, there's a phone number. We call her like four times, finally she calls back. And then what annoyed me is, she seemed pretty apologetic on the phone,

but then when she came, she was a little embarrassed, and she was like, sorry, and then left. But I need like a profuse apology. That was like an hour of my life that you just had my fucking suitcase. And also, your suitcases don't look the same Yes, different size different color and her she was heavy I think she's in my carrier goddamn suitcase if I'm being honest mine was light. It was two-day trip Wow

That would drive me crazy. I would have to have You was nice to her weren't you I wanted to so I felt bad she was older But I was gonna be like I'm ask her, just what were you thinking? I just need to know, not even angry. I just need to know how you made this mistake. And then she was older, so I was like ugh. Nah, you gotta, she at the very least deserved over the shoulder, you know, dumbass bitch.

You know what I mean? You got your back, you know, stupid ass. Pour some water in the suitcase. Yeah, no. What are you thinking is what I wanted? I just need to know what, did it never occur to you that The suitcase was a different color and rolled differently. It's a different brand like it's not a strong. She must have been drunk She wasn't thinking yeah, bro. I had I had

One so, you know, if you're flagged a leg due to weather. Yeah, they don't owe you nothing They know your whole that drives me crazy Maybe making up the so I had a layover in Seattle and I was pretty much gonna be in the airport for like 10 hours, right? And I kept going out, coming back in to smoke, blah, blah, blah. Then the morning shift people get there and now it's a problem with my shea butter.

Now you know enough black people to shea butter, it's like rock solid. Like you need a fucking blowtorch to get it. And so this dude, this black TSA agent is like, yeah you can't take this through. And I'm like, bro, I've taken this through here like 15 times in a row. He's like, yeah, I don't know who to tell you.

He's like, you can't take butter on a plane. I was like, it's not butter, it's shea butter. And he calls over the supervisor, he calls over this white dude, and before the dude even gets there, he goes, can he get butter on the plane? Knowing that the white dude doesn't know. What, shea butter?

Right, he's like, of course not, and walks off. So he takes my fucking shea butter. And it was the- He wanted your shea butter. He wanted my shea butter because it was high quality shit. And so now, I'm in Billings, Montana, one of the driest places in America with no fucking moisturization, and there's no black sections in the CBS, there's no, Montana, one of the driest places in America with no fucking moisturization.

And there's no black sections in the CBS. There's no urban curls, none of that shit. And so that moment burned in my eyes, I said never again, never again. So I check. I check bags. Because I could've killed somebody. You know what I mean?

He deserved, because if I ever see that motherfucker again, I'm gonna get revenge. You know what he looks like? Oh yeah. Yeah, he's looking fucking moist. Remarkably slick. So clean. Skin gleaming.

You've never seen how clean he looks. Yeah, I know what he looks like. I will never forget that face. And I'll never forget the smug way he fucking. Can he bring butter on a plane? Right. Why can't you bring butter on a plane? You knew exactly what you were doing, bro.

You used his cultural ignorance. You used his cultural ignorance. You used his cultural ignorance. You used his cultural ignorance. You used his cultural ignorance. You used his cultural ignorance. You used his cultural ignorance. You used his cultural ignorance. he fucking... Can he bring butter on a plane? Right. Why can't you bring butter on a plane? You knew what you were doing, bro. You used his cultural ignorance against me. That's gotta be the most diabolical black on black shit. Yeah.

To be like, I'ma use what this white man definitely don't know about our culture to fuck a black man over. Yo, he used racism. Out of his moisture. Yeah, and now you just look fat. Yeah. This guy's trying to bring butter on him.

He said it loud. That's why they get hypertension. You did. And because here's the thing, man, black people know that being ashy is such a big, it's a- Cardinal sin. In our community, like for you to send me off no being ashy.

Yeah, it's a little crazy. Yeah. He didn't like you. There's something about you little crazy. Yeah. He didn't like you. There's something about you he didn't like. He didn't like. Yeah, what do you think it was? I think he just wanted the shade, but yeah. Or was it a power thing?

Behind his back. I don't know, man, but you know what? But I do know that sometimes when you have a visceral negative reaction to somebody, right, when you meet them, and you don't have a good reason, it's usually because there's some trait in them that you hate in you. Like you see it in them and you hate it about yourself.

Will you suspend all of your grievances on social interactions from Pussy? Temporarily. I would, but not solely that. It would have to be like, I mean, I have gone both ways. I've been like overcome by lust or whatever, lonely, whatever, but most of the time I'm,

most of the time I stay true to the soil. Really? Yeah. And what do girls that you're dating do when you stay true to the soil? Oh, they stop dating me. Really? Yeah. And you're okay with it that you're dating do when you say true to the soil? Oh, they stop dating me. Really? Yeah.

And you're OK with it? You're like, I'm not bending for this shit at all. Yeah, bye, bitch. Wow. Has there ever been one where you're like, I really liked her, but she just couldn't handle my idiosyncrasies? Oh, yeah, every single one.

And there's no sadness? There's no like, I could have let that go. I could have let that one little thing go. No, bitch, listen, I understand that I'm complicated. And listen, sometimes you just gotta put the Rubik's cube down and walk the fuck away. You don't gotta figure it out. You don't get to blame me if you keep twisting it.

You don't even have a plan. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I don't know the answer either. This is just what it is. No, bro, this is the math book, and the answers ain't know the answer either. This is just what it is. No bro, this is the math book and the answers ain't in the back. This is Larry David. You know what I'm saying?

The impossible solution. Whatever nigga. I'm fine. This is Larry David. Remember when he wanted Cheryl back and then immediately they got back together? Yeah, because what he really wanted was for Cheryl to not have left him. He didn't really want her back.

He wanted to be invited to the party. Exactly, but he didn't want to go to the party. Bryant Simpson, ladies and gentlemen. Bryant Simpson. Let's go. Bryant, let them know where they can see you. Hey, listen, I'm going to be, actually, I'm coming back here, New York City on October 12.

Oh, amazing. And I'm also going to be at the City, on October 12th. Oh, amazing. And I'm also gonna be at the Willwood the day before that. Let's go. 11th in Boston. And I'll be at the Punchline in Philly in September. Amazing. And I think that's all the next shit that's coming up. Also, go watch my special live from the mothership

currently streaming right now on Netflix. Let's go. And check out my podcast BS with Brian Simpson on YouTube and all the other stuff. First special from the mothership. First special from the mothership. That's great. go check it out. Man. It's a fantastic Standing yeah, it is it is it is it Brian is brilliant brilliant comedian. God. Thank you so much. My boy