Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Cuomo's Sex-Drive Needs a Quarantine feat. Yannis Pappas
Episode Date: March 2, 2021Cuomo's Sex-Drive Needs a Quarantine feat. Yannis Pappas by ...
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What's up everybody today on flagrant 2 we're talking about China penetrating American booty
holes Governor Cuomo has cases rising in New York and they're not from COVID we got Mr. Potato Head
who's officially Tranny Potato Head and Giannis Pappas tells us why the history hyenas broke up
also we got some other shit anyway let's just start the show.
What's up, everybody?
Welcome to Flaker 2.
It's your boy, Schultz.
I'm here with Akash Singh, Alex Media, Mark Gagnon, and we got a special guest in the
building.
I don't even know how to introduce you anymore, man.
It's heartbreaking what has happened.
It's heartbreaking, bro.
Yeah.
I am.
Well, let me introduce you first.
Yeah.
It's making the days a little longer.
The days are so
long yeah they're super long Yanni yes is that what you're going for Akash yeah glad we got that
no we have Yannis Papas in the house man we have one half of the um the old history hyenas podcast
man no longer here that's right totally. That's right. Totally gone.
That's right.
We tried to salvage it.
Yes.
A lot of people don't know this.
Yeah.
Now, there's some people listening right now who might not know about the History Hyenas
podcast.
Very funny podcast with Giannis Papas and Chris DiStefano.
Amazing run.
We had a good run.
Successful Patreon.
Very successful.
Very successful Patreon.
Akash gets Corona.
Yes. I really brought this shit down. Yes. infects you yes no no no he doesn't no he doesn't i thought we were yes
and no we're not yes anding we're setting you up okay oh i know i know akash comes in and gives
half of the new York comedy scene Corona.
Which is crazy.
I'm the super spreader.
Yeah, because Chris was sitting right next to you and he didn't get it.
Chris has had every virus.
Yeah.
I know that.
There's just not enough room for any more in there.
It's like the virus came and it's like a crowded elevator.
It's like, I'll take the next one.
It's like there's syphilis in there, gonorrhea.
It's like, there's no room for me.
So you get Corona and you had it bad i had a bad
one it was really bad yeah real bad i had it bad like alex had a bad no no no no don't do that
don't do that you had it very i had it very bad you had it like hasidic level yeah no it was
trying to god was trying to whack me yeah that's what it felt like and i also tried to do it a few
times a lot of shit about him i don't blame him him. Yeah, fuck that guy. No, he keeps...
I got shot.
I fuck it.
He's trying to kill me, dude.
I got struck by lightning.
The history hyena's broke up.
He's trying to kill me.
He just wants you to pray once.
That's it.
On a deathbed.
Believe in him, bro.
I'll become a...
He's saving you.
Dude, I think it's because I'm not Muslim.
I think they figured it out
and we should all convert
and that's what Corona's here to tell us.
It's here to tell us
it's time to convert.
Muhammad was the way.
It is taking out a lot of Jews. Yes yes it's taking out a lot of fat people
the jewish community first yeah oh my god you could be on to something here absolutely are you
ready to convert to islam i am ready say it right now you just have to say those i am ready to
commit to islam as long as the deal is still there that I get eight wives and plenty of bitches in heaven I'm down in fact libertarians should be back in this like let religions into the free market
they have wait are you libertarian no but I'm just saying like that should be an argument that
they make is like if you're into the free market yeah yeah Islam I hate how much libertarians know
about shit say again I hate how much they know about yeah because it reminds you of you no it's just annoying because i'll be like nah this shit don't make any sense so like well
technically i'm like i gotta really know things for this discussion fuck yeah it's so much easier
when you're like the left or the right are bad
feelings not facts that's why we feel it's not fact yeah that's all libertarians are just a
bunch of ben shapiro
yapping about the free market yeah if the left and right had a basketball game shirts and skins
it would be feelings and facts and it would be facts to the republicans and feelings
shirts and skins of politics listen we're not getting away from your accusation no we have to
call you out you guys you're corona and then it attacked your brain a little bit it well
i think no no no it attacked your no i little bit. Well, I think, yeah.
No, no, no, it attacks your brain.
It attacks your voice.
You sound like Marlon Brando every time I call you.
You did.
No, Schultz, please send a nurse to me, Schultz.
God bless you, my friend.
I'd be so grateful.
My wife and kids are in the other room.
They won't look at me.
Someone left a horse's head in my bed
what's happening bro to talk to yeah and i wasn't even at home i was alone i was i was quarantined
at our studio and there's no place to walk or anything there's just like why was i trying to
send a thing to no at that point i was in a oh there's a whole story and then i was in a hotel
in westchester i was all over the place then i was in i was in furze oh, there's a whole story. And then I was in a hotel in Westchester. I was all over the place. Then I was in, I was in Ferzie's house for a night. Then I called another ambulance and
I went to the hospital again. And then I went to a hotel and then they found out. I almost killed
this guy. It was a whole adventure. I would think I gave that shit to me knowingly too. Then I was
in my basement and I was in the back. I was in like, there was like, there was like levels to
my recovery. At what point did you,
were you so frustrated with your Corona experience that you felt like it was
the right idea to call Joe Rogan and say that Akash knowingly gave you
Corona?
At what point were you so upset that you couldn't see your brand new baby
and you said,
fuck it.
I'm killing this guy's career.
Yeah,
no,
it was,
we were texting. I think it's great that
he knows who you are now you're right i could have never done that it's not like he listens
to the potter now it's memorable though right now it's memorable now it's memorable yeah yeah
and uh and i and i and i fixed it i spoke to my he goes yeah of course i fixed it
well you fix it first and then i barely remembered it no but i mean i texted him i got everybody
called me oh is it true that akash knowingly gave colin quinn corona i'm like how did it skip yannis
the story just kept on building every new person i talked talked to, I heard that Giannis woke Colin up at night,
and that not Giannis,
oh gosh, woke Colin up at night,
was sneezing in his mouth,
and he was trying to take out Colin Quinn.
Dude, it was real serious.
Accusations mounting up.
I've been fucking quarantined,
just getting occasional,
every time I'm like,
all right, look, man, it's okay.
I didn't give this shit to anybody knowingly.
It's fine.
Everybody's going to be okay. I would get a text like, yo, Rogan thinks't give this shit to anybody knowingly like it's fine everybody's gonna be okay i will get a text like yo rogan thinks you gave this shit to everybody
on purpose every time wait rogan told a lot of people rogan messaged me rogan is a lot of people
he's all the people but rogan messaged me and i was like hold on i gotta get to the bottom of this
and then people were too like maybe they're too like nervous or something to tell me but they're
when any comics would talk to me about they'd be like yeah i heard uh i heard yannis went on like some brooklyn podcast or
something like that and then uh yeah he got it and like gave it to everybody oh my god that's
you guys at brooklyn podcast i think we're a broken pocket yeah we are the shit's changed
we're out here were you mad were you mad at all when you got it
no i was mad when you told them
that akas knowingly gave it to people when i got it i was a little mad i didn't say knowingly i
said because you had texted me something you said like don't you dare fucking moonwalk out of this
no i'm not moving i've already apologized for it but at some point you told me right you go like
you said like hey i wasn't feeling well and then i
went and got tested and yeah after the yeah and then once you start tripping on like a 102 fever
and i was texting with them in your brain and yeah 102 not that high to be honest with you
i you before you said 102 i was like this guy was dying 102 i'll be getting that every four days
yeah i've got a 101 right now i don't know if I've ever had 102.
You've never had 102?
I've never had 102. What was the voice thing?
What was that about?
I don't know.
I called you.
It sounded like you were being strangled.
Yeah, I don't.
Dude, I don't remember a lot of it.
It was just like I was sitting there.
I wasn't sleeping.
I couldn't sleep.
My heart was racing.
My sodium levels were dropping.
I was vomiting.
I was having diarrhea.
Diarrhea.
And so Rogan messaged me me and it was tongue in cheek.
I was kind of like, yeah.
He's like, how did you get?
I was like, I got you.
I was like, yeah, I want to blow up India.
And which I do in his defense.
If somebody said I want to blow up India, I would know it's a joke text.
Also, I was.
Unless he was Pakistan.
Also, I was set to do Rogan while he was still on YouTube.
So I had to postpone that.
I was like, fuck.
Yeah. But I had no idea that it was gonna you know i had no idea i was saying something serious that
was gonna end up affecting akash yeah of course my career akash's career is over now yeah ruined
no my career is over this is doing great okay so so then you come out of corona right yeah and and then you immediately sabotage the history
you're like i couldn't have killed flagrant too i gotta kill some podcast my own let's make this
happen no what happened what happened with hyenas not true at all uh yeah we don't give me some pc
shit no we had a good run we had a good non-answer that's
a three one no i'm starting i'm starting very polished yeah we had a good yeah three-year run
it was a lot of fun i'm surprised we made it as long as we made it with how chaotic it is and
you know how different uh our philosophies are and stuff but we had we had a great time we're
great friends he's moving on to other stuff yeah I have long days, which I'm very excited about.
It's fun.
I'm working with Jesse again, my old friend that we created all the characters and did
ditch films with.
So that's fun.
And it just came to a point where it just got too hectic.
And instead of sacrificing the quality of the podcast, we just decided, hey, let's just
do other things.
And who knows what happens in the future?
So let's rate that media train response, guys. What do you guys think that was it's not hyenas it wasn't hyenas it wasn't
in the spirit of hyenas buddy let it rip yeah i think you gotta let it rip dude there's nothing
there's nothing to let rip that's it that was it that's it nothing else that's it that's it got
chaotic i could just say it got chaotic i mean they were making good money on on patreon buddy
they walk away from that good money, I was good money.
Hey, if you think I'd ever walk away, that was the only thing I had going.
So I was like, I'm not walking away from that.
But then you did.
Yeah.
I mean, you know.
Wait, are you saying, you said, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
You picked up on that?
I picked up on that too.
That was good.
It looks like it wasn't a Giannis Papas decision.
Is that what you're trying to say? I'm not saying it wasn't. Giannis Papas decision. Is that what you're trying to say?
I'm not saying it wasn't.
It was a mutual decision.
We came to a point.
You know when you just agreed that Chris was going to make the decision?
Do you know when you get to a point where you just know it's time?
It's just you never got to that point?
Nope.
I've stayed in relationships way too long.
There gets to a point.
Some relationships are made to go the distance. Yeah. in relationships way too long. There gets to a point,
like some relationships are made to go the distance.
Yeah.
And some of them are like,
you know,
the ones you really like.
Webbing though,
webbing, webbing.
Yeah, like you guys.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
You guys are going the distance.
Yeah.
It's love.
Yeah.
It's work though.
Yeah, it is work.
It's work.
It is work.
It takes work.
It takes work.
It takes communication.
Even with my wife,
we're going to be together forever.
It takes work.
It takes communication. Yep. And maybe. So what. Even with my wife, we're going to be together forever. It takes work. It takes communication.
And maybe...
So what was lacking in the hyenas?
Was it the work?
Was it the communication?
There was probably...
I don't want to really dig in,
but I've already almost killed you once,
so I don't know if I want to go over here again.
But I really want to,
because we're bullshit responders.
Like, we sniff it out.
Like, we sniff out money.
We sniff out bullshit.
Yeah.
So our instinct is to fucking dig and excavate yeah the truth yeah because we love both of you guys
yeah truly and let the record show you know akash and i had a conversation yeah and it was basically
how do we save hyenas i i yeah legit texted him like so we thought you know and i called you and
i called chrissy and i was like why don't we try to do this. So we thought, and I called you, and I called Chrissy, and I was like, why don't we try
to save this?
Maybe we could talk this out.
Maybe we could work through this.
This is a fun podcast.
Everybody in the community seems to enjoy it.
Yes.
I don't think you guys were close to where you could have gone.
I think you were very popular within the comedy community and within the comedy adjacent community,
but you hadn't reached that You know Casual level
Where like even the casuals
Know about it
So I saw a lot more growth for it
And oh gosh
And I was like
Yo let's step in here
You know
Let's see if we can use
A little bit of goodwill
And muscle
And make this thing happen
And then both of you guys
Were stuck in the fucking mud
And your chemistry
Great chemistry is rare
I think
Yeah
You guys had it
Yeah
Great chemistry
And that's where I was also like
Aside from Loving them individually. Great chemistry. And that's where I was also like, aside from loving them individually, together, great chemistry is so rare.
I always want to preserve that as my-
Do we have to make Chrissy's show bomb on TV so he has to come back and do History of Hymen?
I think TV will do that for you, but we can help.
Should we do it?
Should we try to drive the ratings down far enough?
We have to remove everything from Chrissy's life where he has to come back to you.
Yeah.
I think if Akash can get Corona
and give it to Chrissy,
then we can even it out.
Even the length.
I can do that.
Yes.
I can do that.
If not Mark,
Mark will get it
at the third time.
Yes, we need a carrier.
It takes a lot.
It's going to take a lot
to give it to him.
He's very resistant.
What would have kept it going?
What would have kept the show going?
Is there a thing, maybe? I think- What did you need to keep it to him he's very resistant what would have kept it going what would have kept the show going is there is there a thing maybe i think um what did you need to keep it going um
great question good question what i do for a living i do for a living
you know my history i come from the internet yeah so like that i'm dedicated to i'm dedicated to
the thing that you guys are doing right here this is what i'm dedicated to i spent three years
completely focused and dedicated to that so it's like i think i know where i made my mistake is
when i strayed from that how'd you stray i just started you know i wanted to get the half hour
before hyena he's saying he had a great show at Mauricio. I took a show down
here in Miami for a year that went
nowhere. I took AOL two-point lead,
which was great money, and I was interviewing athletes.
You were looking for the industry to validate you.
I was looking. Yeah, I was doing that.
Me and Nate were friends. Don't do that.
It just doesn't work. Don't do that. I'm going to buy
a Ferrari, but I recommend
you not doing that. No.
You did it. I might get the 355 you did
it who knows by building this yeah and then doing it on your terms horns bro I might get a Porsche
too dude it's not it is what it but don't fuck with the corporations yeah no networks are bad
networks are horrible yeah unless you want to drive nice cars yeah yeah I mean yeah i mean you know but you did it you built something first fully yes yes and
then i tease i tease obviously i love what you've done and i've always admired what you've done
we've had these conversations off air this time so you were committed to the internet you're
committed to youtube and and did you feel like because of the opportunities Chris was getting, did that infringe on your guys' ability to like lean into the internet?
No, it was, I think the focus was scattered.
We started, the focus started going a lot of places.
Yep.
And you know, I don't know how much you could keep up the quality of something
when the focus is all over the place.
Gotcha.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think that's possible
you know but at the same time as you guys grow you're gonna get new opportunities
yeah and we you gotta take advantage of them yeah you know what i mean like yeah i see
yeah i see how you thrived on the internet and i witnessed it in real time and it was like really
exciting for me as like a young comic and seeing somebody like
take ownership in what they did.
It was like super inspirational for me, you know, and I'm very grateful that I got to
witness it because it made me realize there was a possibility for myself to do something
like that.
Like I didn't have to fucking pucker up every time I was at the cellar or pucker up at these
fucking stupid events.
So it was great.
I would say it's directly responsible for your success.
Yeah.
That's what I would say.
Yeah. I think I just said that.
Yeah, but you're going PC about it. I mean, I would go...
No, I was inspired by you.
Yeah.
Do you know what I mean? It let me know that there was a way to do it, you know, 100%.
And so I think that's great. i also think that like there are different
strengths that can fit into different parts like i think chrissy i think he will flourish like if
chrissy was born 10 years before he would be the biggest star on tv yes he is built for and this is
not a criticism it is a compliment but he is built for an industry structure
because you can put him in so many different slots
and he will succeed, right?
He's a very different character,
but you know how Zach Galifianakis
just takes over anything he's in as himself?
Yeah.
Chrissy can do that with his persona.
But he can like, I could have him host the fucking Bachelor
and he's going to have fun with it.
Yeah.
Or you could have him do maybe a a character in a tv show like the
joey character in blossom you know what i mean and like he could have those different things so
it is weird that you guys are maybe being pulled in different directions but i think that
the directions are being pulled in actually suit yourself yeah better totally and i think that's
why it came to a natural end because why does it have to end because we were wild we were very wild
we said whatever you wanted to be as wild because you could be as well but he couldn't be as well
because he has these corporate i'm sure that's the way he felt and he's doing a podcast with
sal he got cursed there he's got to say poop instead of shit you know what i mean so i assume
is there no cursing on the podcast with sal there's no cursing on it no no cursing that's
the saddest news i've heard they whole time. They don't curse.
They don't.
I'll be honest.
I'm still impressed.
Yeah.
Because I never watched it and thought, wow, they're not cursing.
Like when I see the clips on Instagram, I never noticed they weren't cursing.
Righteous and Ratchet.
That's another one.
Righteous and Ratchet.
They don't curse, but you don't notice that they're not cursing.
Interesting.
So he felt a little bit conflicted he could you guys leaned into being wild and then these other things
that he was doing stopped his ability to be why i don't want to speak for him but those two things
seem like they're at odds but you're a wild boy i'm always wild i go too far all the time yes
case in point texting joe rogan texting case in point when i postan texting Joe Rogan case in point when I post
even Marisa
Marisa's too much
even when I posted
which I thought was funny
but then I go
oh that is wrong
it's not funny at all
I thought it was funny
but it was wrong
he posted a picture
of me as Hitler
yeah
that's kind of funny
where is it funny
yeah
but it's funny
but it's
I understand
we're out of context
you can't say
it's not funny
it's not funny
why is it funny
if there was context
because Chris nicknamed you the Fuhrer, and it was funny.
Our fans thought it was funny.
Yeah, but if you just have a picture of Hitler, there's no context.
I get it.
Within the comedy world, he's X, Y, Z.
You just see, oh, this guy is racist and wants to kill people.
I am wrong.
How about that?
I'm wrong.
I make mistakes all the time.
Was this the weekly combo during History Hyenas?
I mean, he was, Chris was known as the wild one on our show.
Yes.
So he was known as the wild one.
Yes.
So he was, we were kind of like Ren and Stimpy.
We were kind of like Beavis and Butthead.
Yeah.
You know, I was like the one, I was like, you know, thought I was smart, but I'm stupid.
And he was just like the wild one that was like, yeah, yeah.
Just kind of, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. So it's like, if we were a cartoon, we'd be like Ren and Stimpy or Beavis and Butthead. I like and he was just like the wild one that was like yeah yeah just kind of yeah yeah yeah yeah
so it's like
if we were a cartoon
we'd be like
Ren and Stimpy
or Beavis and Buddy
and he was the wild one
he was the one
I constantly had to be like
Chris I don't know
if you could say that
so it was like
he was known kind of
as the wild one
right
until you got on Instagram
huh
no until I got on Twitter
and then when you got on Twitter
Twitter
yeah
Twitter is where I
got the longest
but there's just so many
like you're so verbose
that it's like
you can't even notice
your wildness
I just do what I want.
But when you just post
a picture of Schultz's Hitler,
then the wildness is clear.
That's just,
yeah,
but you know,
I don't go into it
going I'm trying to hurt Schultz.
I just realized
bringing this up,
I'm going to have
thousands of pictures
of me as Hitler.
The fact that we brought this up
and I even give
a little bit of pushback,
that's all it's going to be.
They're going to take
every picture of me
waving goodbye to somebody and throw a fucking mustache on it
it's gonna be bad for me but it's okay yeah so yeah you guys have this um you reach this kind
of like a impasse where you can't be you he can't be him i kind of feel like it was it was headed
that's the beauty of having no success well a lot of of people don't realize is like when you have no success,
you have the freedom to do anything.
Homeless people say whatever they want.
Nobody's canceling the homeless.
That's a good point.
Right?
They're just cursing, saying the M word, screaming at people,
chasing chicks on the streets.
Okay, but they're homeless.
They got nothing to lose.
What are you going to take away from them?
Right.
Once you get something to lose,
that's where we find out who really wants to be in the game. You know what I mean?
That's one of the things that we even said on the pod where it's like, if we're going to be flagrant,
we're flagrant, whether I have a Netflix special, we're flagrant, whether Akash has a TV show,
we have to be committed to this. And I understand how if he chrissy wanted to do those other things and you didn't how that
could be a conflict of interest yeah but i can't blame chrissy for wanting to do those things who
blames them no you can't blame anyone for anything they want to do also you guys got sorry to interrupt
but like also when when people got kids exactly it's like it's a totally different thing you're
gonna lean into the thing that puts food in your baby's mouth. Yeah. And in your, in your situation, that's continuing to be a wild boy on the internet,
like you do. And in Christie's, he's probably like, nah, this is doing these network shows
where I get this guaranteed money. I don't got to worry about these different things.
I don't know how to be any other way. And so I realized, and then I realized, I was like,
I can't, I can't do it the other way. So why am I, why would I even think about it ever like i can't i can't do it the other way so why am why would i even think about
it ever i can't do it i've done it i don't like showing up to a studio and there's a woman waiting
for me to walk me into this room and then they do makeup before i just don't like it just doesn't
interest me and then i can't say this i can't say that i just you know i i want to be free to make
mistakes i like to make mistakes because that's where You come up with shit Yeah Once you know
I mean
We comedians
We have like
That's why TV shows don't work
Is because they have like
A 10% success rate
We have like a 90% success rate
Because we have to
Yeah
Because our lives depend on it
Yeah
And when we make one mistake
They come after us
And go look
He made one mistake
But it's really like
Yeah but I did 90 good ones
Yeah You know What if you guys just did a patreon only we discussed that and then
we made the decision not to do that we we made that decision
no son man up why are you getting back to your corona voice it's
it's been very hard to get him on board, but it didn't work.
There was nothing we could do at this point.
Here's what also sucks is you can't probably say everything
because then, you know, Chris isn't here to whatever.
I can't speak for Chris.
I can't speak for Chris.
Luckily, you don't have to.
Chris, come on in.
Come on in.
No, I'm just joking.
But then we also can't, like, be like, oh.
I don't think he legally can do this podcast anymore.
Oh. Probably not. True TV was like, yeah, you can't do that, oh, we're here. I don't think he legally can do this podcast anymore. Oh.
Probably not.
True TV was like, yeah, you can't do that.
No, I'm just kidding.
Look, everyone knows how funny Chrissy is.
Cover it up, y'all.
Cover it up.
But here's what I was going to say.
We can't even, if you can't be fully honest, we can't check you on shit.
Because all these things, there's two sides.
There's two sides. And we're getting there's two sides. There's two sides.
We're getting part of one side.
There's two sides to the story, but I will-
I also can't call you on any-
But dude-
Here's what you could have done.
I'm in my 40s.
I've been alive for long enough to know that the bickering and all that stuff is pointless
because when that starts to happen, you just know, all right, this is time.
Yeah.
It's time.
You guys are both mature enough to do that.
It's just time.
Yeah.
It's time.
It's time.
It's time.
We did like seven years worth of content together with the patreon everything you know and
it's like we're two crazy comics we're chaotic comics and you know things we started to have
conflicts of interest and philosophies and getting two comics to work together for that long i think
the success is that we made it that low isn't't it just as two people grow, you're not going to be the same person you were seven years ago.
Neither one of you are.
If you are, that's stupid.
You didn't accomplish anything.
But as you grow, you got to fight to get it back to the center.
And in my mind, he wasn't trying to do any network shit, but I understood like, yo, this guy is doing a ton of different things.
So I'll hold this down as much as I can. I bring people in give them corona take out their podcast we will grow
i'll do what i need to do you go do that yeah that's where i was thinking and i don't know
the full story but i'm like oh if chrissy wanted to do that couldn't yannis be like yo chrissy
go handle that i'll try to take as much as bandwidth as i can here's the difference i think
i think you guys brought this to fruition where it's a powerhouse.
We were very much at the beginning
of the climb. I think you want to
kind of, at that point, that's when you really
want to double down and get to the
point where when you're negotiating
for those other things, you can make yourself
look good in those other things
and kind of dictate your own
destiny because you have the power
and the leverage to do so.
Yeah, you guys got opportunities too quick.
Say again?
You got opportunities too quick.
I didn't get any opportunities.
Yeah, like the same way that you say we make decisions?
Yeah.
I'm using the royal you.
Yeah, she got it.
No, but like maybe Chrissy got the opportunities too quick.
You know, like we didn't get netflix until way after we were a significant podcast right so we were in the position to go
nah this is what we do once the rock comments on your shit yeah you're gonna be able to get them
to do what you want to do you know and you don't have to sacrifice the way you look because it can
hurt you you go do a show, it can hurt you. Yeah.
Yeah.
It can hurt your shit.
Yeah.
It can hurt your brand.
You go do some fucking dumb show and they say do it this way, talk, and then people
start, your fans start hating you for it.
And your fans in this era are everything.
Yeah.
They're everything.
I think you get to dictate to your fans more than you realize.
Like you have hours to talk to them.
I don't know, bro.
We just went through a breakup.
And if you listen to what the fans are saying,
I don't...
Yeah, because you stopped talking.
That's the whole issue.
No, we did podcasts together since then.
You do podcasts, but none...
Like, they've all been banked.
So you can't talk to the fans directly
and say, yo, for hours on end,
like you could as an individual,
hey, here's the deal, here's what it is.
They'll eventually understand.
You also just...
I could come on Flagrant 2
and beat around the bush, though. I can also i could come on flagrant to beat around
the bush though i can do that you but you flew in to beat around the bush i flew in for one night
did not give us answers welcome to bush garden baby
i'll tell you this right now i if this was a show on any network i wouldn't fly down for it
my man i'd go down for this because it's fucking
a dope show thank you yeah it's a dope show and what you were saying before about getting away
from your wife and kid yeah before the podcast yeah you're like oh my god it's doing a little
cocaine bro you know i haven't slept bro nobody sleeps in miami bro everyone here is just a
professional sex worker nobody has any real jobs yeah different
versions he wants to cover some shit up he just keeps talking i love it i love it man well we
support you man yeah that the tricky thing i think with a podcast is oh i knew i was getting
railroaded as soon as i walked in here and schultz didn't make eye contact with me for like five
minutes i knew it the insight goes both ways. Comic, I know.
I'm like, oh, we're about to have some shit.
We're going to start with Akash's Rona.
Then we're going to chapter two.
Schultz is taking a shit going chapter one.
We're going to start with the Rona.
Chapter two, we're going to make him talk shit about Chrissy.
Son, I asked Chris to be here.
I called him yesterday.
He's in Phoenix with his family.
But I was like, I will fly you in.
And then we just
have the reuniting episode and then literally i'm thinking which was akash's original idea was
what if both of you sit down and you're having so much fun on the mic and then we get fucking
yeah that would be epic i still want to we come from a good place this is i don't want the uh oh
let's start beef between you got to do your, and there's nobody that understands that more than me.
No, but I agree legitimately.
I know.
What do you mean by that?
You couldn't not address this.
This is flagrant, too.
You couldn't come in and be like, so, Janice, tell me about how the baby is.
That's the most interesting thing in your life right now.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
I don't think I've ever asked about your baby.
Yeah, no.
Because you're so, so, so, so bad.
I'm a fucking sucker. How are the Patreon numbers? How are the views? Your baby. about your baby yeah no because you're so excited now what can we do with that can you start a
podcast with your baby make an instagram on her she's gonna sell the bluetooth she's proof it
works she's proof it works but point is yeah listen it's obviously want to have honest conversations with you this is a
conversation we would have and we did have i dig it before i did um that's what you're gonna try
to get y'all back together who you guys are great individually but you're fucking great here's the
thing if chrissy was here we would have tons of fun yeah we just did burr kreischer's we had tons
of fun our our final episode after we knew we were breaking up we had tons of fun once we get cooking we get cooking yeah the team is me and chrissy it's what it is
yeah and uh you know and maybe we get it in the future i guess what i'm trying to say this is
like a good thing like good advice for podcasters in general is that like and you do have more
control than a lot of people realize i think that's what Akash was pointing out.
But like, however you decide to brand yourself, right, is going to be the expectation that your listeners have.
And then if you shift from that expectation, they will feel misled.
But you are allowed to evolve.
Yeah.
Like The Breakfast Club started out as one of the wildest shows in history and then has started to interview presidents.
You know what I mean?
Like they've completely evolved.
And your fans evolve with you as long as you tell them, hey, this is where we're going with things.
So I think that honest conversation with them, and maybe you wouldn't want to go there.
Maybe both of you guys wouldn't want to meet in the middle, and that's totally fine as well.
But you guys do have more power and control in terms of your narrative
than you'd think. I think we were already evolving. We already evolved over the three years.
Yeah. You know, I think it's just, you know how it is, man. Whatever you put in, you get out.
Shit going in, shit going out. Yeah. Commitment, whatever energy you put in is what you get out.
And you know, when things, when other things start pulling you all over the place it kind of sacrifice you have to sacrifice sometimes
what kind of got you there and uh i don't know man can't do that again because we were so busy
and i was doing so many different things and akash really does nothing yeah i can hold it down but you can relate but you got it but you but for real if akash isn't
isn't dedicated to the podcast like he was and obviously mark and alex but when mark and i were
working on the netflix thing alex and akash had to hold down the podcast and even from the beginning
as things were pulling me aside like i've always had that conversation with our customers. Like, yo,
I need you to fucking hold this down.
Make sure we're good.
Patreon and everything.
I also,
I was going broke,
but I said to him like,
yo,
you got a lot of shit going on.
Handle that.
I'll take as much of the podcast as I can.
Built the Patreon,
figured out all the fucking tiers on the phone with those guys.
Like you just kind of,
all right,
if we want this to work,
let's make this work.
I believe in this.
He believes in this.
You're busy.
Go be busy.
I'll make this work. You know in this. He believes in this. You're busy. Go be busy. I'll make this work.
You know what it is.
There's two sides.
There's two sides to every story, right?
There's two narratives.
I think maybe one is more guessed about.
But at the end of the day, what's important is, you know, when those things happen, that
it's just time.
It's just time.
Yeah.
There's things that like, you just can't talk.
There's no reason to talk about them.
It's just becomes a thing where you're going like,
I didn't like this.
I didn't like this.
This is that, this is that.
Yeah.
Probably none of it's true.
It's just two people's interests kind of started
wanting to evolve in different directions.
Yeah.
I won't just say it's just him also.
He has his thing where he wants to do what he wants to do.
He's got a new family, whatever. And then there's also things i want to do and how
i want to be and what i want to explore so it's probably both it's probably both and then it it
maybe manifested itself in some of course there's going to be some bicker everyone knows that i mean
our fans are going like we don't buy this of course there was some bickering yeah of course
that happened you know what i mean it's just we didn't high five and say you know what we're just about to blow up let's stop yeah okay so like you
know i'll admit that much but but you know you go you know let's let me have some retro let me have
some retrospective wisdom about this at the present right now yeah let me put myself in five
ten years what am i going to be saying about this i'll be saying it was time that's what i'll be
saying so i'm not gonna i'm not gonna i'm not gonna partake right in the
bickering and all that i'll just go you know what it was time and i'll just focus on the things i
want to do well we love you we love chrissy does that make sense no no uh i actually stopped
listening it makes sense to alex i sort of got it when you started mentioning five and ten year
plans i was like i don't know what we're talking about right now i didn't when did you when did
you tap out when did you tap out something about bickering he said bickering and then i just started
thinking about his voice can you get a nurse up here anything for a corona test god i am a pussy
bro i'm a pussy we saw yeah no i'm a pussy we tried though but i was also very sick but we
tried you were great you know that the nurses you were also very great and i like we we already we
talked we had a whole whole talk about it on hyenas yeah and uh but we wanted people to actually
listen yeah you wanted some people you want what you want the black community to put here exactly
right and by the way can i ask you a question do black people drink coca-cola
do they drink it yeah you were you were almost black as a kid yes i wanted to be okay you
committed fully you got shot i was committed to it yeah okay i was committed so do black people
drink coca-cola i think they do oh way more we got one on twitter and what do you think they
drink no no we said black people drink coca-cCola. Alex came out of his ass yesterday or last week.
It was a regional thing.
It was a regional thing.
Stop it with this regional shit.
It was regional.
Alex just out of nowhere, I think he was bored or something, he just goes, yeah, yeah, black
people don't drink Coca-Cola.
Like, we only drink Pepsi.
Blanket statement, black people do not drink Coca-Cola.
And I had people like DMing me like, he does not speak on behalf of the black community.
And I had people like DMing me like, he does not speak on behalf of the black community.
Like, we love a Coca-Cola.
And they were spelling out Coca-Cola. Like, Coke-a-Cola.
Like, that's how serious black people are about Coca-Cola, Al.
So, I'm going to need you to make sure you fact check all your black shit.
Okay?
That's why there's a question mark at the end.
What's that?
Pepsi, the only choice for African Americans?
Yeah, well, you know Coke.
The page needs fucking donations.
That's how whack this article is.
Please donate with PayPal our shitty nonsense article.
Try to buy some Coke.
Coke was first marketed to black people as the alternative to Coca-Cola.
Coca-Cola only marketed to white people.
No, but Coke went hard.
This is more white people.
Yeah, I know, but so that's what I'm saying.
They came after and they're like, oh shit, they're just like not even acknowledging this group white people. No, but Coke went hard. This is more white people. Yeah, I know, but so that's what I'm saying. They came after
and they're like,
oh shit,
they're just like
not even acknowledging
this group of people.
I'm going to go after them.
So it actually did start
and became like that.
Al's trying to wheeze you
the situation.
So Pepsi is like
the Subaru of sodas.
I guess.
Like, you know how
Subaru went after Dykes?
Oh, yeah.
Because they were like,
Dykes drive cars.
Yeah.
But then there's not enough Dykes
and now he's like,
all right, everybody,
like, can drive them.
I don't have a Subaru.
You do have a Subaru, son.
You do have a Subaru.
Actually, you got a fake Subaru.
What do you mean?
You got a wannabe Subaru.
The kit car Subaru.
You got the kit car Subaru, son.
You got the Kia Subaru.
They're great in the snow, Subarus.
What?
They're great in the snow.
Are they?
Yes.
We're in Miami, baby.
Yeah, you don't have to worry about that, bro.
Uh-uh, bro.
Nah, bro.
Absolutely nothing.
All right, listen.
Well, while we have you here, is there anything else you want to say before we get into some
of these combos, my friend?
The actual things, though.
I can't handle another PC answer.
No.
I think we got it. I think we no that's i think we got it right
we got it i think we got it we just want to make sure that you could say your piece yes you know
i said my piece all right i love you honest i love you too i want everybody to go check out
yanni long days please i watch them do you on instagram yeah yeah for a couple seconds
i'll give you up until it says do you want to keep watching
and then maybe when you click when you click when it goes from the to a little debate yeah it goes a little i give you up to there watching? You mean when you click? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
When it goes from the...
To a little to big?
Yeah, it goes a little to big.
I give you up to there
and sometimes you'll say
some wild shit
right before the thing stops
and I'll be like,
this motherfucker
is going to make me
press a button.
I just wanted to scroll
and I'm out here
pressing buttons.
I'll keep watching
but I do watch them.
Thank you, sir.
Yeah, I'm a big supporter
of Giannis Papas.
I appreciate it.
I love you.
Yeah, I always appreciate it.
All you've done, I appreciate.
I haven't done anything.
You helped.
You helped.
In fact, when we did Hyenas, I think a large portion of our fan base at the beginning was
Flagrant 2 fans.
Well, that is not us.
That's you guys having a great podcast and then people recognizing that.
I take no credit for that.
Yeah.
Unlike some people.
No. I love you and I can't wait to see what you guys both do. And I mean that 100% sincerely. Now, I do want to talk about a couple of stories and you're an opinionated man here.
So it'd be good to get your opinion on these things. The first thing that came to my attention, tension which i think was absolutely mind-bogglingly terrifying is that um china has been anal swabbing
u.s diplomats that's that's an act of aggression right they said it was a mistake come on bro
they bent us over and they fucking penetrated us i think they're just
fucking with us at this point that's what i'm saying they're just fucking with they're just
and then they said oops oh my bad clinical error like they make errors like yeah they never admit
to fault right even with corona they're like no we did everything right and when it comes to bending
us over and shoving shit in our ass all of a sudden it's an error yeah no error with corona
not a single thing they did wrong with Corona, right?
Everything perfectly done right, but they
bent us over. They made us come
into their fucking offices. They bent
us over a table and they shoved shit in our ass.
You think they think all American people look alike?
And they're like, we don't know.
I'm confused about that.
Maybe Chinese people are like, oh, all Americans look
alike to us too.
You mean all white people?
No, no, no. Chinese people are like, oh, all Americans look alike to us, too. You mean all white people? You mean all white people?
No, no, no.
Chinese people look alike.
No, but I don't understand what you mean.
Maybe they didn't know they were diplomats.
Maybe they thought these were some regular, you know, American jokes.
No, they're saying they shouldn't have done it at all.
Yeah.
The anal swab thing.
No, they were anal swabbing mad people.
And then when the diplomats came in.
Oh, I see what you're saying.
They were like, oh, we didn't know that they were supposed to get a different security.
Sure they did. Sure they did. They anal swabbed their own, too. Look, I don't care what you're saying. They were like, oh, we didn't know that they were supposed to get a different security record. Sure they did.
Sure they did.
They didn't swab their own, too.
Look, they want to.
I don't care what you do to your own.
You're not going to stick nothing in an American's ass, yo.
They already did.
Yeah, they already did, bro.
Yeah, they did.
What are you going to do about it?
They snuck it in our proverbial ass.
Dead ass?
What are you going to do about it?
If Biden put a nuke off right now, and it was like, well, they were sticking things
in our ass, you wouldn't a little part of you be like, that's my motherfucking guy.
That's my motherfucking guy. We'd get nuked right back. Nah, they were sticking things in our ass. You were in a little party. You'd be like, that's my motherfucking guy. That's my motherfucking guy.
We'd get nuked right back.
Nah, they can't reach us, bro.
They reach us, bro.
How are they going to reach us?
They have a billion of them.
Like ants, they'll build a bridge to a place where they can fucking launch it.
They will build a human bridge and launch it.
No way, bro.
I think we can nuke them first, dude.
Dude, have you ever seen them fucking do like, you know, fucking Dance Dance Revolution?
They know how to hook on to each other.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
They fucking hook on to each other.
They can plug in like they're magical people.
They can plug into each other's houses.
They do the ass and they do a human centipede like that.
They build a bridge and they'll launch it close.
But what are they going to launch it off of?
Off with a fucking last dude who's hanging off the bridge.
You're going to launch a nuke right off the last dude.
Yeah, dude.
They're tricky like that, man.
They named it TikTok because they're fucking with us too.
It's called TikTok because they know we're at our end.
They're going TikTok America.
TikTok, TikTok.
Whoa, dude.
So we should nuke them. They took Taiwan.
They took fucking Hong Kong.
Our economy's collapsing.
Pretty soon, American women are going to move to China to open fucking nail salons.
It's over.
It's a reversal.
It's a reversal of destiny.
Yeah.
They're going to be in there
going $5, $5,
do the nails.
$5.
And then the Chinese
are going to be,
there's going to be
some Chinese comic
who's going to go viral
going,
have you ever gone
into an American store?
They go, $5.
They pronounce their R's.
They're fucking weird.
I think they're talking
shit about us
in their own language.
There will be
a Chinese Angela Johnson
and then there'll be
a bunch of comments
going,
she's not that funny
but she'll be making
millions of dollars.
There'll be a reversal
of roles.
Really?
Yeah, they fucking,
let's move there
and surrender, dude.
It's over.
Don't you want to
fight back, Giannis?
No, I want to learn
how to talk their language. I want to learn how to talk their language.
I want to learn their-
You ain't ever going to.
That shit is too complicated.
Just make noises and fucking learn how to do puzzles.
If you could solve fucking stick and dot puzzles, you could speak it.
Didn't we just have a 30-minute conversation about how you only want to do what you want
to do?
And the second China's willing to take over, you're like, I'll learn Mandarin.
Fuck it.
Let's do puzzles.
Sudoku?
Great. Dude, they already have taken over. Nah they've taken over nukes the only problem is nukes we got
nukes but you can't you can't you can't you gotta start with a littler china no you just gotta go in
dude you fiend i'm running back the sequel not for real dude i'm not i'm not bending over man yeah enough of that
yeah enough of that dude yeah but why are you so willing because they won no they didn't win
how'd they win they said corona they let us know who's boss they let us know who's boss trump was
like i'm gonna put all these tariffs we're gonna fuck you and they're like oh yeah and then they
just flick the virus into the west. Yeah. And just like,
they were partying.
Did you see Times Square?
They're equivalent to Times Square
called in Wuhan
where they were just,
did you just make that up?
Yeah,
totally.
Yeah.
It comes from like,
their language comes from like
someone.
Yeah.
And do you see what they were doing?
That's how you sounded
with Corona.
Help me.
Your boy Dove was like, I'm trying to do it.
I'm trying to get you.
I'm trying to get.
We got four nurses in the area.
They won't go up there.
I'm talking to Shultz.
I grew up with Shultz.
He's one of my best friends.
I'll do anything for him.
Now, Boobie, what do you need?
Boobie, what do you need?
Have you tried the chicken soup?
That's what my grandmother used to do.
Just take chicken soup.
You're going to be okay.
Okay, Boobie?
You're going to be fine.
Did you get this from Akash?
I know.
You got to stay away from those people.
There's a lot of diseases.
That part of the world,
they don't wash their hands.
They kill rats with their hands, Bubby.
You ever see those,
you ever watch that documentary, Rats?
Like they go to India
and there's just a dude in the street
killing him with his bare hands? You saw call it i almost called it england i almost
that's fine i get it i get it we just stopped calling it yeah it all and it all went down
downhill from there you know okay no so you really are ready to bend over for china you
would let them anal swab you no no you would let them anal swab you? No, no, no. You would let them anal swab you?
Yes.
You're over there and they're like, bend over.
It's time for your anal swab.
And you would say, okay, and take it?
Absolutely.
I'm ready.
Despicable, dude.
I'm ready.
Despicable.
You took a show at Netflix after you said Netflix was over.
You're calling me despicable.
Hey, hey, hey.
Ferrari.
Or a Porsche.
We driving big shit, baby.
You know, Miami's the only fucking city where you'll see like a purple Lamborghini outside of a restaurant and then you'll go follow that dude in that purple Lamborghini.
Like, where does he live?
He lives with his mom.
He lives with his mom or he'd just sleep in the Lamborghini.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's why I'm getting a fake car, though.
Yeah.
What do you mean?
I'm going to get a fake one.
What do you mean a fake one?
I'm going to buy a fake car.
From China.
You traitor.
No, not from China.
American made.
German cars.
No, German.
Yeah.
American cars are fake cars.
Yeah.
No, but for real, I'm going to buy a fake one.
I looked it up.
So I want like this 1965 Porsche, right?
It's a speedster yeah and they
happen to be like three hundred thousand dollars when they're real yeah and then this but this guy
tells me he goes no you can get like a replica of it and i go what's that he goes it's a company
that's reputable just builds a new version of it and then you put a new engine in yeah and like new
parts and stuff you can actually have like ac and like power windows but the shell looks like the
old porsche that you like maybe it's 1956 or something like that right and i was like yeah i
was gonna do all that to it anyway there's no way i'm paying three hundred thousand dollars for a
car i was like how much is that i'm thinking it's gonna be like 200 or 100 they're like oh you can
probably get done for like 40 000 i'm like hold on i can have the car that looks the way i want it
to look with all the new shit,
because there's no way I'm going to be driving
my fucking wife around with 1950s brakes.
Like, would you put your girl that's pregnant
in a car with 1950s brakes?
No, definitely not.
You're going to upgrade all the shit anyway.
I was like, so wait, I can get the thing.
I'm not a fucking car enthusiast.
I just want the shit to look beautiful
because they look beautiful.
They made these beautiful cars back in the day.
I was like, there's no way in hell I'm going to spend top dollar when it's not even the shit to look beautiful because they look beautiful they made these beautiful cars back in the day right i was like there's no way in hell i'm gonna spend top dollar when it's not even the
shit i want right i'm not trying to impress some like fucking loser that's into cars right i'm
trying to impress the guy that knows nothing about cars but hell yeah so i'm gonna get my kit car
it's called a kit car nice yeah i didn't even know you could do that 100 i don't think you can do
with like the like if for, you get like an old Ferrari
or something like that, you might want to get the actual car.
Yeah.
But like from the 1950s, a fucking Porsche.
Yeah.
Do you know what I mean?
That's a German car.
I can't support 1950s Germany.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, they had cleaned it up by then, right?
1950s Germany's fine.
Yeah.
40s Germany's a problem.
Yeah.
But it was still lingering.
It's not like you like stopped being hateful.
No, they stopped.
They, I think they got the message.
Yeah.
They got the message, but it didn't go away.'s not like they saw like jewish people and they're
like the wall was still up the wall was still up but they were communist yeah but that's different
communist yeah but you think they like just were just like nah jews are cool now like you think
that completely i will buy a car they pretended they got woke about it i think that's german that
would be the equivalent of wokeness now like if there was a social media germans would be like
here's me with my Jewish friend.
Now, but not 1950s immediately.
1950s, they tried to clean it up quick.
You think you can just snap out of it?
We firebombed the shit out of Dresden.
People don't know that like, because it didn't have the big bang that, you know, that we
did in Hiroshima.
But we fucking carpet bombed those snow monkeys.
I mean, we fucking carpet bombed them. mean we killed a lot of german we sent a message yeah we said don't fuck with the
boys you got us involved we were fucking doing our thing playing baseball now we're coming over here
and showing you what america we can't do that to china you too scared bro we can't bro you're
scared bro they got too many of them bro no they don, they don't. You got to back. We have nukes.
You just wipe them out with the nukes.
Who?
Who?
Who?
Us and girls got to eat?
Look at us.
We don't want to be soldiers, bro.
I know.
I would do it.
I was scared of Corona.
You think I'm going to war?
I would do it, bro.
I would do it.
You ain't doing nothing.
I would do it.
I saw 9-11.
I was like, I'm going to let the boys handle that.
Yeah.
But when I saw anal swab stuff, when I china fucking anal swab u.s diplomats it's
time to go here's the thing red button here's the thing let's go biden you got a decent you're
decent with moving hands around i seen you yeah but if you got a hundred you know the movies ain't
real bro like if a hundred of them come at you bro yeah bro and hop on you i'm just in miami bro
i'm going oh miami bro yo bro yo Yo, bro. Yo, hallelujah, bro.
What happened?
What happened to the 100th economy?
You're going to be swinging and like Godzilla, like 100 of them will just fucking climb on
you and slowly take you down.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They will slowly overwhelm you.
Yeah.
Like you ever see like a bunch of bees trying to get like a wasp that goes in there and
fucks one of the bees up and then they try to, you can try to get close to the queen.
Yeah.
They'll swarm you. What are you not getting to get close to the queen they'll swarm you
what are you not getting
about nukes
that they have them too
no
but they don't go far enough
how do you know bro
are you in the military
yes
I know about these things
it's cause the earth
spins the other way
yeah you gotta go
the other way
stupid
yo bro
they got
they're already
you don't think
they got nukes
in Chinatown
they've been colonizing us
for years Al I've been trying to tell you I've been getting Al thinks they got nukes in Chinatown They've been colonizing us For years
Al
I've been trying to tell you
I forget
Al thinks they got
Sleeper cells in Chinatown
Of course they do
Yeah
Also if anybody's listening to this
Please do not
You know
Do any acts of violence
On Asian Americans
No do not
Absolutely
It's jokes
Jesus Christ
It's just jokes
We're joking around
Now Chinese Chinese people
Like from China
It is what it is
Yeah
Now in China If they try to anal swab you Slap that motherfucker In his mouth Chinese people, like from China. It is what it is. In China?
If they try to anal swab you, slap that motherfucker in his mouth.
On my behalf.
Here's the thing.
In defense of all this stuff going on, it wasn't even Asian people.
You want to know what the truth is of how Corona got here?
What is the truth?
The fitness industry.
Interesting.
Pushing back against the pharmaceutical industry.
You would say that after gaining 40 pounds.
I did.
I took it off and put it right back on.
Fuck losing weight.
That's what it is. The fitness industry fitness industry right that's why your voice changed the pharmaceutical suffocating
the pharmaceutical industry check this out pharmaceutical industry has been backing
proud fat celebs surreptitiously in order for everyone to have like heart disease problems so
they can sell cardiovascular medication
and this is the fitness industry's i have a question pushback before you move on corona
do you know a surreptitious lehman yeah you do secretly okay i mean his dad's he's south asian
of course he knows the fucking word that's a doctor some shit do you like that being called
south asian it's actually technical i don't i don't notice it but i don't it's a lot bro i
thought it was asian yeah i don't like that i don't like that at all dude oh you think i'm being associated with
do you prefer you prefer sandy i am with china huh you prefer sandra d yeah what is sandra d
so he's from a part of the world where there's a lot of sand is there a lot of sand in india no but
it's what we i'm just a hyena's term, so we don't have to know it anymore. Sandra did.
You know what I mean?
We can bury that shit.
Like I did your fucking podcast.
I really won. Welcome back, bro.
See, you don't get this on long days.
You won.
You need this, bro.
You missed this a little bit.
You and Jesse in a room together, you just spouting off. I love it. You need this, bro. You missed this a little bit. You and Jesse in a room together.
You just spouting off.
I love it.
You need this, too.
I like this, too.
It's a balance.
You can do long days, but you also need this.
I love this.
So come to Miami, pussy.
Leave your family.
I will fucking move here.
Leave your family.
This is the city you do that.
Let's go.
This is the city you do that.
Are you committing?
Are you staying here?
I'm committed to it.
Okay.
I'm leaving you, babe.
I'm joining Schultz's flagrant army. Let's go. Let's do it. Wait a minute. I didn committed to it. I'm leaving you, babe. I'm joining Schultz's flagrant army.
Let's go.
Wait a minute.
I didn't say join.
I remember you texting me one day.
You were like, I think I'm moving to Austin, bro.
He told me that today.
Are you moving to Austin?
No, we're not doing that.
Why not?
Getting a little hacky.
Yeah, but...
That's a good point.
There's a lot of people
moving to Austin, bro.
What is this?
You're not open, Micah.
No.
You don't need to go to Austin.
You come down here to Miami
with your people.
Swing that fat Greek dick around.
Well, you know...
Okay.
Yeah.
That's all you need
is confidence.
Then you got to move anywhere. There's Greekness too. No, dude. The secret... I mean, you know okay yeah that's all you need is compromise you gotta move anywhere
i mean that you know the statues all you need to know about greek penises is in the statue
what is that what is that i mean they're just barely making it barely peeking over the balls
really have you been to a museum no yes you have you seen it yeah i have seen that but what i
thought that was is uh there was like penis envy
After the Greeks
Discovered black people
No it's just
Greeks just don't have big pieces
We're showers
No but historically
There's like some guy
That they said that
Big dicks were barbaric
So that they started carving
The small dicks
Into the statues
And they were just really jealous
Of the black dicks
That they started to see
That's possible
No it's 100% serious
Because they weren't always small
If you look at the statues from way back before,
there were some decent sized dicks. I mean, that's
possible. But then the little dick guys who always
are the ones in charge because obviously
small dude, little dick overcompensate.
You get in power and if you were in power,
what would you do? You'd say, this is the most beautiful
dick. Move to Miami and keep my operation going.
That's what I'm saying. Did I just
agree to having a small dick?
Damn!
Damn! Is that why I crossed my legs like this, guys?
Because you can.
Shit.
You know what I mean?
You tricked me.
I like it because I sit like that too.
That was mean.
And it does mean you got a small dick.
And I love when the head just kind of peeks out
between the legs just like that
because it's nice and cozy in there.
Yeah, I keep the balls below and the head up top.
So you got to separate them with the legs.
You got to do it.
Yeah, it's like a sailboat.
I have a ton.
My penis looks small.
It looks like chewing gum in a Jufro.
When it's limp, yeah.
It just kind of looks like that.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
I look like an amputee.
You know like when a soldier loses an arm and he's got like a nub?
My dick looks like a nub.
That little skin hanging off the end.
It looks like a bomb blew off my dick.
That's why you want to go to China,
you sellout motherfucker.
Fit in.
I want to fit in.
Oh, finally.
It works out, doesn't it?
Yes.
We get to the bottom of it.
Yes.
Jesus Christ.
Yes. That is a big bullet.
Makes Akash look even smaller.
You gotta put a tiny bullet there.
You're gonna take that from this little
dick motherfucker? He just admitted
his dick's little. You can't say nothing back.
I already almost killed the guy. I won.
I broke his podcast. That is true.
You took everything from him. I really did. You did. I won. I broke his podcast. That is true. You took everything from him.
I really did.
You did.
You did.
I had him bunkered up in his fucking studio,
quarantined for two weeks,
blaming me for shit.
He was losing.
I won.
It's over.
He did win.
He did win.
But I'm back.
I'm alive.
Are you moving your family to Austin too?
Yeah.
No, you're not.
Yeah.
Unless you tell me not to do it,
just tell me not to do it.
Yeah, we're going to do
six months here,
six months back home.
All right, I'm staying in New York.
That's it.
That's it.
This is no brainer, Giannis.
This is just done.
But Giannis.
Nah, but Austin's a great place
to raise a family.
Texas is a great place
to raise a family.
That's what Akash was saying.
New York, man, what are you doing?
Fucking cold for no reason.
Damn, bro.
Akash does not want you
around me, bro.
I love...
Akash does not want you to do bro i love i gotta do anything you can
i just look you got in miami you guys a different studio and i'm kidding you guys got a similar
dynamic to me and chris had and that's why it works so good it's like you're real nice like
before you're going like that's a great way and you're like going fuck you you ain't moving you
know it's kind of like yin and yang. You painted yourself as a nice one.
I'm the dick.
Okay.
I was saying Chris is the nice one.
I'm the dick.
Cause I was going to,
but at least you know what I'm thinking.
Yeah.
Yeah.
At least you always know what I'm thinking.
But not for real.
Why would you go to,
why would you go to Austin?
Um,
I like what Joe's doing there.
And I just want to be around Joe.
Besides the fact that it's about to be the epicenter of comedy.
Outside of that.
That's the reason.
What would be the reason to go?
That's the reason. Just besides the fact that they're literally to be the epicenter of comedy. Outside of that. That's the reason. What would be the reason to go? That's the reason, yeah.
Just besides the fact that they're literally rebuilding the LA comedy scene in Austin without
the bullshit that is LA.
Right.
Besides that awesome thing, why else would you go there?
Because the barbecue's good.
Yeah.
Barbecue's good.
I love country music.
Whoa.
Yeah.
No, no.
Country music slaps. Don't talk shit about country music, bro. I don't like country music. Whoa, whoa. Why? Name love country music. Whoa. Yeah. No, no. Country music slaps.
Don't talk shit about country music, bro.
I don't like country music.
Whoa, whoa.
Why?
Name one country singer.
Because it stinks.
Name a country singer.
Because.
You can't name one.
Yes, I can.
Name one.
Dolly Parton.
You can tell me Dolly Parton don't slap.
Nine to five.
Come on, son.
One of the greatest songwriting bitches of all time.
Luke Bryant, bro.
Luke Bryant.
Luke got some bangers, bro. Luke got some bangers, bro.
Luke got some bangers, bro.
He's fine.
Everybody always says
that that's a New York hot take,
like country music's stupid,
and then nobody in New York
got country music.
Every young person
who wants to seem like cool
and cultured is like,
I like every music
except country.
So go ahead.
Country slaps, y'all.
Country slaps.
So blare off a verse.
Go.
Blare off a verse.
Wake up in teardrops.
They fall down like rain. I don't know the rest of the words. What is that? Yeah, you know, three words. Rascal flats. Rascal Flats. Wake up in teardrops. They fall down like rain.
I don't know the rest of the words.
Who is that?
Yeah, you know three words.
Rascal Flats.
Rascal Flats.
Bro.
Ah, but you only know three words.
What hurts the most is we were so close.
But feeling so far away.
Far away.
Something, something, something.
Something, something, something. something, something, something.
Now I ask you
to do fucking
KRS-
If I ask you
to do a Boogie Down
production song
from 1991,
you'd know
every fucking word.
Not a single word.
Not a single word.
It'd be my favorite,
but it could still slap.
Not a single word.
But R&B,
you'll know
every word to usher.
Yeah.
It don't have to be
my favorite,
but it could still slap.
These are my confessions.
The country's just
fucking white R&B.
It's no different.
Yeah, that's why it's trash.
So R&B's trash? No, that was a good point what he just did. But he said white R&B. It's no different. Yeah, that's why it's trash. So R&B's trash?
No, that was a good point
what he just did.
But he said white R&B is trash.
Yeah.
Nah, white R&B is fire.
That's a good point, but...
You only have a few standouts.
You guys have a few standouts.
Son, white people started R&B.
The entirety of it
is just like...
White people started R&B?
Yes, son.
The fuck?
Nah, that's a funnier take.
I'm with that one.
What the fuck?
He got me.
Prove it, please.
I'm excited.
White people started R&B? I'm so excited. That's like saying I'm. I'm with that one. What? He got me? Prove it, please. I'm excited. White people started R&B?
I'm so excited.
That's like saying I'm responsible for the history hyenas breaking up.
That's how wrong that is.
Weisheng Ji.
Weisheng Ji.
White people started R&B, bro.
Who, bro?
What does R&B stand for?
Rhythmic black. Wait, what? Oh, you said Rhythmic Blackb stand for rhythm in black wait what oh you said red
black wait wait wait wait are you allowed to say what are y'all talking about what were you guys
just i was i thought i was going with rhythm and blues oh rhythm and blues yes oh yeah that's a
black thing yeah that's 100 a black thing they figured that shit out first but white people got
it back elvis took it yeah elvis bought, did Elvis not come through in the clutch? I mean,
some of the country got blues, y'all still
kind of figuring out rhythm.
Nah, have you seen line dancing,
bro? They had to make lines for us.
Just
stay on these lines, you'll figure that shit out.
And if everybody
in the place is doing the exact same dance,
maybe you'll get it right.
That's all line
dancing is is if you left white people up to their own devices the shit was gonna get bad real quick
it turned into a mosh pit so they were like all right all of us are gonna do this shit at the
same time two-stepping literally two steps one two slide Everybody's doing it. Gotta be coordinated. That's the whole thing. It's kind of blessed, bro.
Miami's a good town to watch,
like, just the disparity in dancing talent
between Latins and whites.
Yeah.
Whites fuck up the entire,
you put one white guy on the dance floor in Miami,
starts stepping on people's feet,
doing numbers in his head,
like, there's some Latin woman
who's trying to, like, sympathetically teach him.
Like, no, just move like this and turn,
and they just don't get it. I remember I was here and I just couldn't get i was like one two three four turn one two three four well maybe right back down here dog have you bought a place
in austin yet no so there's you're not really moving austin well since you told me not to i'm
not i'm i'm taking it back you're coming down here this We're East Coast boys. Bro, I don't know if I could come down here and get fucking Corona again like Marky Gagnon.
I'm not going to lie, bro.
Why did you spread this rumor, bro?
You're the honest of me.
Why are you doing this?
Yeah, Mark got it twice.
You're texting Joe Rogan.
You wouldn't believe it.
Yeah, what the fuck, Schultz?
I spread that rumor around 20 times.
You put it on Instagram, too.
At least mine was a private tax you yawning
did you test positive for corona more than one time i tested negative more often i hate him bro
i fucking hate this kid so you got the miami strand that's like mixed in and mixed in with
like ricky martin's ass fumes i gotta get animal swab to make sure i think that shit got him yo
still can't smell yeah i, I can't smell.
No smell, no taste, nothing.
But bro, if you get it the second time,
because when Mark got it the second time, it was bad.
I'm still early.
I'm on day seven.
So once I'm-
What does that mean, day seven?
I still got 14.
What?
Oh, you're seven days after being clear.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You got a negative test now.
Wait, so it was bad the second time?
Wait, yes.
But the first time, I think I got a false positive.
Right.
You might have had the other strain, too.
You might have had that more.
That first strain was pussy.
Yo, I'm saying if you get caught up, bro.
Yeah, bro.
On a round two.
Oh, my goodness.
I'm going to call Dove.
We're doing everything we can for you.
Where are you?
Where are you?
Okay, I'm trying to send one up there right now.
They wouldn't go to you, bro.
No, it wouldn't go.
We tried.
I know.
We tried.
Yeah, if I get a second one, I think my antibodies are strong.
Yeah, you're not going to get a second one.
Yeah, Greeks don't go down.
We keep coming.
Do you?
Yeah, we keep coming.
Do you?
Yeah.
Yeah, we are the-
Y'all really rebuilt that empire.
No, yeah.
We're kind of like-
You really did it.
Yeah, we're the Al Bundy of countries, kind of.
That's so great. You're one of like he did it yeah we're the al bundy of countries kind of you're never married to children al bundy just relived his high school days
in one game which is the most like kind of regular ass that era high school player
championship game no i have four touchdowns in one game he never said this all the line was always
four touchdowns in one game we're always just this. All the line was always four touchdowns in one game. Yeah. We're always just like
talking about the glory days
and now we're selling shoes.
So that's.
No, I think it was
the championship game.
Maybe.
Because do you remember
the episode where his
daughter goes on Jeopardy?
Yes.
And remember, like if she
gets one new piece of
information, the old.
Yeah.
And the last question of
Jeopardy is who is the
person that scored four
touchdowns in one game?
Yeah.
In the final high school football game, whatever.
Kelly Bundy was a boy.
Lopped off her tits, though.
She got lopped off tits now.
Had to.
Yeah, lopped them off.
Lopped.
Yeah, she didn't volunteer them off, but she had to.
And yo, her brother had some bars, though.
What?
Remember?
He was a rapper?
No, no, no.
Oh, Faustino?
David Faustino?
No, I didn't know.
Yeah, he was a rapper.
I did not know so was the
kid from 90210 oh david david green yeah david parker green i don't know but i know that he
was cracking out megan fox and that is uh that's a good that's a good take that is a good yeah
that's a good take down that is a commendable take down okay um um let's talk about a couple things, my friends. Stimulus.
Are we going to get our money or what?
You're not concerned.
I'm not going to get any of it.
You mean like we like us?
I mean we like us.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, I hope I get mine.
You're not going to get any money.
I need that money.
Do you?
I need to buy diapers.
Stop.
You got a couple of ducats, bro.
I saved up. You got a couple of ducats, bro. I saved up.
I saved up.
You got a couple of ducats.
I got enough to maybe last me a year or two.
If you're thinking about-
Did you know you would fuck up History Hyenas a year in advance and start saving?
Bro, I saved every dollar from that wig and Miami knows what I'm talking about because
she was big down here, bro.
Every show I did, bro.
Like Sergio used to say, yo, look out for that wig.
A lot of us eat off that wig
so
really
yeah I throw that
I'm about to throw that wig
back on
move down to Miami
and just live as Marika
you were killing it
down here at that time
yeah they loved her down here
it was huge down here
Cubans loved her
Cuba
it was like New York
and Miami were the two spots
yeah
and we come down here
and blow it out
it was a lot of fun
do you think
that could go viral now
no way
it's a hate crime now
yeah
there's actually a warning on I had to drop my whole youtube page and start a
new one there's a warning on it now really there's a warning on it why language uh offensive content
yeah you know the irony is it's like beloved the the fans of it are all hispanic and gay
yeah and black it was all hispanic black white people being offended on behalf of a
community that loves it yeah i mean they do it at drag shows like she's like a legend in the drag
community yeah they'll do it all the time play the audio and then the drag queens will act out
what you're saying yeah i mean it was like there wasn't probably a puerto rican in new york that
didn't know that didn't know that yeah it was crazy at a time and i did those shows no shows
were all black and puerto rican and then what happened why did why did it stop i milked the shit out of it for years went
too far i just did it as much as you can do it did you end up doing a show and then like there
just weren't that many people there yeah what what was that like it's you just know i always knew that
because it happened to me when i was in my 30s so it wasn't like i just knew you knew that there
had a certain amount of miles on it and you were going to run through it.
Yeah.
Okay. And okay. So then what happened? What was the show? When did you start to realize,
okay, we've reached the end?
Me and Angelo, God rest his soul.
RIP, man.
Yeah. RIP Angelo Lozada. You know, we did those shows together for so long. I mean,
when I'm on my deathbed, I'll think about some of those shows like we did in Miami down here.
Did you?
Room would shake and it was fucking brutal.
Did you think about them when I put you on your deathbed when you were on your deathbed is that what you were thinking about it yeah i was going angelo i'm coming i'll see you soon
i heard him going yeah come on pop you know so uh yeah it was just it was uh and then we i remember
um i remember there's a couple funny stories well
i'll just tell this one quick because it's real funny in chicago it was all panos fans i used to
do the show and i would do both characters yeah it was all greek but we didn't know i explained
to them real quick sure okay so panos is as uh yannis's greek character it's similar to marisa
which probably you guys are familiar with in that you just dive in completely to that
character and you're making social commentary through that character's voice yeah greek guy
like typical diner owner looking greek guy mustache etc yeah and then marisa for anybody
doesn't know is that where the term das it was popular yeah everybody just started saying that
part of the fucking vernacular rigorous yeah and it was just amazing hilarious character they did it just fucking exploded on youtube and like took new
york by storm i'm sure it took other parts of the country by storm as well so you were doing both of
them together yeah which in a lot of ways makes no fucking sense no but i wanted to do it yeah
but it was stupid okay go yeah but you're right because it would put two groups of people that
would never be in the same room together and each group didn't know the other character so it was
like one one half of the crowd's going what the fuck is this and when you're doing an ethnically
themed show yeah they don't want to hear anything about anything that isn't them no you're absolutely
do you know like if it's the indian show they want to hear indian shit yeah i don't want to
hear about china don't pontificate about what's happening in the house or the senate just tell
us about us yeah
exactly right so okay you're in there now you have these two groups they could give a flying fuck
the trainees that are loving marisa could give a flying fuck about greek shit right and the greeks
give a flying fuck about the training right okay and that was what made it so magical when it did
work but when it didn't work it was like hilarious so chicago we had no idea. Panos would go first because he didn't kill as hard as she would.
And she would go and then I would close as me, right?
So we did Panos first in Chicago improv, murdered, right?
Murdered.
And we were going like, I was looking at Angela going like,
I think we finally figured this shit out.
Because he didn't always do that great.
And I'm like, we finally figured it out.
And then I go back, I change it to Marisa and we play the song and he goes big angela always goes you guys ready to see the queen and it just echoed off the
ceiling just when you ready to see the queen queen queen no noise usually you'd hear girls
fucking going nuts screaming screeching nothing so i just walk out there in uh the chicago improv
which is big it's cavernous right yeah and And it was packed, but it was just like, the song was just reverberating in silence.
Like it was just a room full of Greeks going,
what the fuck is this?
And I'm prancing around the stage going,
what's going on my people?
And then you just hear nothing.
And I just look out into the crowd.
I just see Greek yaya's, old women, children, just Greeks.
We went up, I did more reset.
It ate dick for like seven minutes to the point where I just moved the mic. And I said, Angela, let's just wrap it up. And then he went, all right, that's just Greeks. We went up. I did more reset. It ate dick for like seven minutes to the point where I just
moved the mic and I said, Angela, let's just wrap it up.
And then he went, all right, that's just it. And I just walked out.
There wasn't even a clap. It was just a room
full of confused people going, what the
fuck was that? It was like,
it was almost like a hate crime that they just
watched because they were Greek. Yeah, they had no
idea. Then you split them up.
No, then we kept doing it.
Yeah, we kept doing it.
My first thought is You're already
You're dividing your money in half
You could just sell out
One show as Panos
One show as Mauricio
The funny thing is
When people would come after
They would just be like
Yo you all three people
Like cause sometimes
You get some real
Doggy dudes
They didn't even know
They'd be like
Yo you fucker
As a New Yorker growing up
I didn't know
You didn't know
Yeah
Cause you would do
Stand up as yourself
First
Yeah
Okay Yeah Yeah So then when Mauricio died It was just me and Angelo In Phoenix So wait why did Mauricio die You know? Yeah. Because you would do stand-up as yourself first. Yeah. Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So then when Marisa died, it was just me and Angelo in Phoenix.
Wait, why did Marisa die?
That's what I'm trying to say.
I think so many people came and saw it.
Yeah.
That it just kind of.
So what was the show that let you know, okay, this is done?
Phoenix.
So you went to do Phoenix.
Yeah.
And then just people didn't come out?
It was like 50 people.
Really?
In a big room.
That was stand-up live.
Yeah, that's huge live the thing about a character
is you i once i see the character we know character comics were hilarious once then you see
him again you're like i get it now yeah so you're not watching them twice a guy with a point of view
you me hopefully chappelle whoever these guys are point of view comics i want to hear what you have
to say about everything well i'll watch you come. But that's the thing that I always liked about the videos, because I thought it was like
your sneaky way of like getting your opinions off through the character.
It is.
Right?
So like, I was like, oh, this has legs.
You can just keep on doing this.
It had a good run.
10 years.
I mean, you know, think about it.
It was 10 years ago.
Bro, but here's the thing.
Phoenix might be a different type of Latinos.
They might, that's Mexicans.
They're not fucking with a Cuban or a Puerto Rican or whatever.
So I don't know if that's an indictment on a character dying.
That was the beginning.
In the raw.
That was the beginning.
Then we came back to New York and the numbers just died down.
It kind of died down.
There was still hardcore fans.
Then I started doing her podcast and then it kind of came back up.
But then you need to keep feeding the character.
You also didn't keep irrelevant on that.
Yeah.
You didn't keep feeding.
I'm going to keep doing them all.
But like,
yeah,
it's like,
it's just all going be brought together like i'm just gonna bring them all together on long days with yannis pappas yeah yeah yeah i'm gonna bring it on that was a clean
plug right yeah yeah clean plug yeah yeah no i didn't see it as a plug yeah you know what you
need yannis if you like yanni long days you'll love history hyenas if you guys want to check
it's a classic and it's up forever.
You can check it out.
And our Patreon's still up.
Our final episode is on our Patreon.
You need a fucking, like a scooter brawn.
But like, not as successful as Scooter yet.
Scooter.
Scooter's like Justin Bieber's man, Ariana Grande's man, like literally every successful, what's her name?
Guy changed the fucking world.
Yeah.
He got the Netflix special made.
He executive produced the Netflix special.
Oh.
And shouts to Justin for putting me on to them and all these things.
But he's just really smart about the industry, but doesn't care about being in front of the
camera.
He doesn't want that.
He likes being that role.
That's refreshing.
And you have all these fucking great ideas, and then some shitty ones like all of us
but you throw it all at the wall you throw everything at the wall and then if something
sticks you roll with it for a little bit but if you had a guy who was just like hey hey this is
actually good can we just focus on this don't throw this at the wall we'll make this work i
think it could be really beneficial i I rarely say people need managers.
You don't need anything.
Right.
But the right guy that was just working on the business side so you could just be on
the creative, I think could take things far away for you.
That would be a relief.
That's a dream to have someone just like the right guy.
But no one's right.
Yeah.
That's the thing.
There are very few of these people.
Yeah, very few.
But if you get the right person, I think it could really work.
You always, yeah.
And then you find out about their other dreams
when you're doing their manager.
Like, yeah, you know, but I want to, you know,
I sell this on the, you're going like,
like I did comedy for four years.
You're like, all right, I can't finish.
You don't like when motherfuckers got other interests.
Yeah, no, you can't have other interests.
Focus on me and my thing.
That's it, Chris.
Yeah.
I love Chris D. All love. All love. All love. We got to love Chrissy D.
All love.
All love.
All love.
We got to get Chrissy back out here.
Huh?
You can't be that needy.
Who, me?
Yeah.
I mean, we're comics.
We're all needy.
Yeah, but you got to know when to be needy and when to not.
You know what I mean?
When there's money involved, that's my need.
It's filled.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Al, Mark, can we do some facts No feelings please
Feelings no facts
Feelings no facts
I be getting it
Backward all the time
Fuck
Feelings no facts
Yeah yeah
You want to just take us
Through a few of these
Topicos
I like that
Topicos
Yeah
We're out here man
But start at the list
That we have there
Yeah
Okay
Perfect
Alright so
Did you finish
The stimulus situation
Oh yeah We didn't even talk About that So did you finish the stimulus situation? Oh, yeah.
We didn't even talk about that.
So did you guys hear about the $15 minimum wage thing being killed?
Yeah.
By Democrats?
Yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
Like two Democrat, I guess, congressmen were the ones that said, no, no, no.
Why?
Yo, that shit is a big jump, bro.
Like, I want people to make $15 an hour, but it's
high. Yeah.
Like, it's, what is it, seven and a quarter now?
To 15?
Yeah, but it's gradual. It's not going to happen overnight.
But still, it feels
like it is.
How many nights is it going to happen over?
I feel that. How many nights is it going to happen over?
A lot of people live in poverty. No, no, no.
See, now you're making me be the bad guy. I'm just, no. See, now you're making me be the bad guy.
I'm just telling you what it is.
You're making me be the bad guy.
You were the bad guy the longest.
Once you started talking about your Porsche, it was like, all right.
I don't know how he's going to make that funny.
It's a fake Porsche.
Guys, my Porsche didn't start this morning.
It's a fake Porsche.
But you can afford a real one.
That's right.
Chrissy, I see you coming for that corporate money too, baby.
Let's get some Porsches.
Leave these bus pass bitches behind.
No, no, for real though.
Let's get fake cars, all of us.
But wait, what the fuck were we just saying?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
The reason it's a, what's it called?
$15 an hour
It just seems
You don't think it seems high
Like just don't go
Eventually
Just go
Yeah let's break to 10
And then in a few years
Then you break to 12
But it happens so slow dog
Like $7 an hour
Was mad long ago
No no
You're 100% right
I'm just saying
How you get people to digest it
If your girl said
Yo we gotta start having sex
Twice as much a week
Than we usually do
Oh shit
Dang Four times a month Let's go Four times That's a crazy thing yo, we got to start having sex twice as much a week than we usually do. Oh, shit. Dang!
Four times a month?
Let's go!
Four times!
That's the crazy thing.
Now, I'm being dead ass.
If my girl's like, we got to do double.
And then she's like, we can work towards it.
And I'm like, well, why don't you just say that?
Don't say we have to do double and then backwards explain it into some bullshit.
Double is always a lot.
But I mean, that's...
If you came and asked me for a raised double,
I'll give you an out laugh.
Let's work towards it.
That's what I tell you.
I'm saying we're going
to work towards it
decades from now.
So just start
at the work towards.
What they do is
they save $15 an hour
because they know
it's going to gain
public support.
It's freaky.
It's a fucking lie.
So these politicians,
they lie to you with the shit that you want to hear. Right? So you can get it passed. But it's going to gain public support. It's freaky. It's a fucking lie. So these politicians, they lie to you with the shit that you want to hear.
Right?
So you can get it passed.
But it's bullshit.
But we know Dems are bad at marketing and branding.
Or they're brilliant.
They're brilliant.
They just say what you want to hear.
Give everybody $1,000.
Now this motherfucker is going to be mayor.
He ain't giving me nothing.
There you go.
So it's bullshit.
$15 an hour.
Yeah, Amazon can afford it.
But I don't know if every spot can afford it. Yeah. I don't, it's a bad time for a $15
minimum wage because like employers are struggling. You tell some guy who's got a small business,
he's got to pay $15. He's going like, I don't have $15. I'm at 25% capacity in the restaurant.
Right. I'm at 25% capacity and now I got to double my salary? That's crazy. My fear is if you pass a $15 minimum
wage, it's already happening, but that'll just incentivize big companies to get rid of employees
even faster and automate everything even quicker. Not only does it incentivize big companies to get
rid of employees, who does it benefit? Which companies can afford $15 minimum wage? Walmart,
that's about it. Walmart, Amazon, the big companies, who can't? Mom and pops. $15 minimum wage doesn't help the small businesses. It just helps the big
business. It turns America into five different stores. So I want people to make $15 an hour.
I hope mom and pop shops are so, I felt they're flourishing so much that they feel like they can
afford to pay their employees $15. But to mandate it might put them in a position where a lot of people go
out of business it's unrealistic it's just unrealistic at in the context that now which is
which is something that is double bro the progress yeah give me one thing that you're okay with
double somebody wanting double from you yeah go double Go, double. I want double.
I can't tell if you're doing your fake Hindi right now and you're saying double, double, or what's happening?
I wasn't, but that's really funny
that that's what it sounded like.
No, I'm just saying,
if somebody asks you for double anything,
doesn't that seem excessive?
It's excessive, especially during this time
where everyone's making half.
Even if they deserve it.
If your girl wants double the nights a week
that she gets to spend time with you, Yeah. That sounds a lot. Double? Yeah. That's a lot. Yeah. Double, bro.
Yes. Yes. You don't think that's crazy? It's a lot, dude. I'm in my forties. Trust me. I want
to jerk off two times. I can't. It's a lot. You can only go once. I got one and that's me doing
it. And I know how to do do it the first class ticket is double
the extra leg room ticket right are you paying for that no because it's double yeah if it was
25 more man we could do that it's a great point yeah i'm just saying doubles excessive
yeah what you laughing at over there al it's just your ability to not relate with the normal
well he's a flat first class he's an employer so he's going oh the normal people. Well, he's a first class.
He's an employer.
So he's going, yo, let's slow this shit down.
Let's cut the soft work.
It's out of hand.
You got to cut the snake off at the head.
I'm trying to relate to people because they would never pay double for the first class
ticket, but they pay 25% more.
You would pay 25% more.
I've seen you go up to the fucking woman at the desk
at delta yeah how much of it upgrade for free 50 now you'd be like how much for the upgrade 50
okay 50 i could do it 100 i could do it 250 maybe you could do it and then it gets to a number where
you can't yeah maybe they should do minimum wage just for like corporations i this is my suggestion
yo guys i'm pretty sure it it depends on how many employees work at the company.
So it's not going to affect small business.
Mark, is this a fact?
I can't confirm it or not.
Nah, he's right.
So there's different levels for...
So it's not going to hurt mom and pop.
Yeah, but I don't like the way they're framing it because they're framing it in a way where
nobody's going to support it.
Because if you think about this...
But then why would the Democrats kill it?
It's Democrats that killed it.
But here's the thing, because they're all frauds.
And we'll get to that in a second.
But don't people already largely support it, though?
Of course.
Why wouldn't you?
Most people get paid, so why wouldn't you want to get paid more?
Right.
My point is, a senator is going to have to do
what his supporters want him to do.
Right?
He's going to have to.
Right.
No matter what.
That's just his job.
It's not what he feels.
It's what the people who vote for him feel.
So now you're putting them in a position where they're going to have to. Right. No matter what. That's just his job. It's not what he feels. It's what the people who vote for him feel. Right. So now you're putting them in a position where they're going to have to veto something that they wouldn't have to if it was framed differently. If the bill was, hey,
this is just for Amazon. This is just for Walmart and mom and pops, you don't have to. And if you
have under 10 employees, it will only go up to $8. If that was the bill, then maybe those two
congressmen that ended up vetoing it or ended up saying no, maybe they would be able to because their supporters would go,
okay, I like this.
But the fact that it's $15 minimum wage,
the mom and pop shops that are voting for those congressmen are like,
I will never vote for you again if you make me pay my employees double
because they don't even know it's not double.
Their restaurant's not even open right now.
It's closed.
And I got to pay double.
And I got to pay double?
It doesn't even make sense.
Come on, bro.
I mean, you know, I'm fucking, you know, Cuomo's got a fucking rape case.
Yo, that Cuomo shit?
Yeah.
Let's talk about that Cuomo shit.
All I got to say is cases are going up in New York City.
I love that tweet.
I love that.
That was a great tweet.
What?
Low key?
Those some lying ass bitches, bro.
You think so?
Lying ass bitches.
It's convenient timing, isn't it? No, I just, I don't trust. No, no, bitches, bro. You think so? Lying ass bitches. It's convenient timing, ain't it?
No, I just, I don't trust.
No, no, no, no.
It's convenient ass timing that the second Cuomo stock starts to drop, that these aides
whose career is tied to Cuomo's success, whose political career is tied to success are like,
oh, I got to get out of this shit before it sinks.
That guy said dirty words to me.
I would agree with you.
He didn't touch nobody,
right?
No,
but he wore,
he wears nipple rings.
I don't trust anyone who wears nipple rings.
He's a chimp.
Yeah.
But,
and he's a sexual deviant.
Sure.
Right.
Maybe,
but that doesn't mean he's a fucking rapist.
Probably.
Maybe he said,
I don't know the fact.
Yo,
maybe he said some crazy shit to them.
What I don't understand is why didn't we hear about this earlier?
Why is this just popping up now?'s always it always like when he was captain
corona and he was about to be the next president all those aides were like i'll deal with some
flirty talk because i'm gonna get a position but don't get a position in the government and the
second that motherfucker's getting feasted on by the media vultures immediately what happens
immediately right oh yeah he said some inappropriate shit to me i need to get out
devil's advocate please go maybe when he's everybody's beloved what the fuck is he governor yeah i don't know
don't matter ruin the greatest city in the west yeah yeah ruin the greatest city in his sucks
but maybe at that time when everybody's praising him you're like man everybody loves this guy
nobody's gonna believe me i can't fucking go at this guy and then when you see him be vulnerable
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All right, let's get back to the show.
Yo, check it.
I just see Schultz on a tightrope walk.
I'm not related to the average American.
So I'm a gang member.
I'm a blood. I knew he was in a mood when he started with, I thought R&B. I'm a blood.
I knew he was in a mood when he started with,
I thought R and B standard for renting blacks.
That's obviously a joke.
You bought them.
I know.
I mean,
you own,
there was paperwork.
This wasn't,
this was not an Airbnb.
This was mortgage refinancing.
I feel real conflicted about slavery
because it's so wrong,
but it's also such good deals.
What do you mean?
If you're like a woke Indian,
you'd be like,
yo, this is foul,
what they're doing to these black people,
but also, what a bargain.
Son, we don't know the prices, bro.
I can't imagine they were getting fair value.
No, it wasn't fair to them.
Can I make a point right now?
Okay, here we go.
Make a point?
Do you think you would have been able to get a Netflix show
if your views were like 80,000 saying what we just said?
Do you think it's even possible?
Or do you think, you know what I'm saying?
You've got to be in the millions to be able to do jokes like this i got offered netflix when our numbers are less yeah but i but i said no to it but that was because my stand-up numbers
were crazy right so the podcast was different right yeah but yeah you guys need to build up
to get you gotta also to do what we did on netflix you need to be right you need to do it your way
exactly because we just did it
completely our way,
right,
right,
and shouts to them
for supporting that.
And if you look at all the history
of the shows that have worked,
hold on,
we were having a lot of fun
talking about slavery.
What was it?
Yeah,
yeah,
yeah,
good deals.
Oh yeah,
the deals,
we don't even know the deals.
Yo,
I had this thought.
Let's go back to the deal.
No,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
Alex loved the change in topic. You guys said, no, no, no, no, no, let's just trying to make out. Alex loved the change in topic.
You guys said,
no, no, no, no, no.
Let's go back.
No, this is something
I really thought about.
I'll be mistreating black people, yo.
There was a black kid
at the show yesterday.
I wouldn't even talk to him.
I wouldn't even offer him a Pepsi.
I was just like,
I'm offering him a Coca-Cola.
He said,
do you want a Coca-Cola
to the guy?
And I was like,
I knew you were a fraud, bro.
I said,
he was a southern black.
It's a regional thing.
It's a regional thing.'s a regional you just had a
rough couple decades huh 23 they've had a rough cut since they killed jesus it's been kind of rough
whoa yawning that's been a rough that was whoa did they do that for yeah people don't get over that
but have they it's like fucking move on dude but let go but let go out huh it worked out it did work out for christians it really
worked out like not for jews not for jews yeah as a catholic i'm grateful yeah you have catholicism
yes you should worship jews i didn't do it i fucking do it it's a jew his name is jesus
come on that's true you know you're right yeah as a whole that's some soft ass shit bro that's
like canadians got the English fucking queen on their money.
That's the equivalent.
Like Catholics worshiping another religion's guy.
Yeah.
Nah, dude.
You let people on your cross, yo.
You need your own guy, bro.
But we have God.
And you got Virgin Mary.
That one, yo.
We got Virgin Mary.
She's from the All-Stars.
She's not a virgin because Jesus had brothers.
I mean, Mary took dick.
It's contested.
It's contested. It's contested.
That's a lawful.
We're going to punch you
in the face right now.
I mean, Mary took dicks.
How do you know that though?
Because historically,
Jesus had a couple brothers.
Nobody cares about them,
but he had brothers.
What were his brothers' names?
Who knows?
What were Martin Luther King's siblings?
Nobody knows Martin Luther King's siblings either,
but he had them.
Yes, we do.
What are they?
Barry?
John?
I think, yeah.
If you name a Martin Luther King sibling right now,
I will give you the $10 in my wallet.
There's Martin Luther King Jr., right?
There's Malcolm Luther King Jr.
But Barry took dicks.
Omar Epps Luther King Jr.
Tupac.
Tupac.
Omar Johnson Luther King Jr.
Omar Johnson. Sean, Luther King Jr. Umar Johnson.
Sean White, Luther King Jr.
That sucks when your sibling is that famous,
you just become like a Google Maps face.
Like, you know, when you ever go to Google Maps
and people just blurt out?
Yeah.
You're just a sibling of.
But how do we know for a fact that Jesus had brothers?
Because history dogs.
But no, no, we don't know for a fact that jesus had brothers because history dogs but no no we don't
know for a fact jesus existed that's blasphemy that's blasphemy don't we nah he existed yo you
haven't seen the prince bro have you seen the prince i haven't seen prince but i know he existed
yeah but you have seen prince i've seen the fucking red corvette i ain't seen it i saw the
footprints when doves cry when doves cry
yeah yeah i heard the voice but i maybe that was dave chappelle playing prince i don't know
all i'm trying to say is we don't know for a fact jesus existed well you never went through hard
times and looked down at the sand and there was only one set of foot yo yo yo yo but here's
i have hey i was being carried by Jesus.
In a studio in Bushwick.
Only one set of footprints, and that's what you walk on the beach.
Sean's not been in a nurse.
It's just one set of footsteps.
What's going on?
Yo, that is a good point.
That's why I'm carrying me to the light.
If you're alone on the beach, there should be only one set of footprints, fam.
Yeah.
Why is that weird?
Like, nobody's on the beach, and they see one set of footprints, and they're something's wrong here yeah something's up i've been walking alone and i see proof of that yeah
so yeah what like explain that it's supposed to he carries you during hard times so it's time
you're walking with him walking with god yeah and then when during tough times what i'm saying is
what i'm saying is blasphemy is what you're saying no no no no no i'm the ultimate believer yeah because
what is christianity about love forgiveness faith faith and ferraris there might be no proof
right that jesus existed but i have faith i don't need proof because i have faith you feel me right you feel me because you out here
like all history history history but you got no proof we got no proof that pythagoras even
invented triangles yeah
triangles could have been invented way before pythagoras you ask israelites they'll tell you
it wasn't they'll be like yo they stole all that shit. They stole all that.
Because please believe, the first person to invent a triangle probably figured that out.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because back then, that's all you had to do.
You didn't wake up and check Twitter and Instagram for your mentions.
You were looking at your new toy, the triangle.
Right.
And you were looking at all those angles.
You were analyzing all those angles.
And you started to realize, oh, this should look a little more asosceles right that's a good point
that's all i'm trying to say is pythagoras was probably the one that had pythagoras
yo pythagoras was probably the one that had access to a stone or some shit to write his
name in it like he figured it out that's right yeah hello think in my ass right oh shit yeah yeah i always wondered that's a good point because i always wondered like they say
alexander the great was in the front was he really he was was he leading his troops in the battle
how come he's not dead because you die in the no no he was very good you don't limb back
very good bro that guy was good and that's why he's actually great to be honest with you he's
was he bisexual oh yeah You're at war forever.
Are you going to split cheeks?
I mean, just, it was just.
In fact, the fact that he's bisexual probably means he wasn't raping tons of women like
those Vikings.
No, he did do that too.
No, he raped a lot of little boys.
Wait, what?
That's what they did.
No, women.
What in the Woody Allen documentary are you talking about?
Greeks fucked little boys.
Everybody did.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Don't normalize you're
normalizing i mean every empire you see it the ottomans did it my grandfather was sent to egypt
by his family because they were afraid that a turkish sultan was going to rape him because we
were occupied by the ottomans so they were true story yeah they would take the little boys and
they would rape them so you guys would rape your own canidos is like a thing that was like the
ottomans did a test too i mean what's a your own. Kanaidos was like a thing. The Ottomans did it to us too.
What's a Kanaidos?
It's like a relationship,
like a teacher
and like a little boy
and you would fuck them.
How do you even know that dog?
Yeah.
Deadass?
They just learned this in college
and I don't know why.
I never,
what college is that?
Liberal Arts School.
Yeah.
The one thing he remembers
from fucking college.
This guy literally has
no information
in his whole head
except for Kanaidos. Because we used to call each other canidos
before you ask every guy in our school would just call each other canidos they made you take this
class called heritage of western culture and then we studied the greeks that was the one thing we
all remember best when like intellectuals give you a new word for maggot yo and then you just that's all we knew yeah look at this yo so you guys are the most famous gays you think
like in a way you think that the greeks would appreciate marisa more i think the panel fans
they didn't see it they go the other way very uh there's a lot of homophobia because they got
to fight back against the rep that's how it is yeah it is you know you go the other way with it you know like that's what cultures do like i think
you guys were so gay that now you had to be homophobic to balance out i think that's what
is i think the germans are very friendly over friendly to jews now do you think a little too
much well maybe it's a little too much a little too much fake yeah yeah a little fake we know how
you really feel oh you think they still harvest i mean i mean
where does that come from i know where it comes from i think we all know where it comes where
does it come from why they're so nice to jews no no no i'm saying like what they did like where
did that come from that came from what do you think i think is jealousy and envy because jews
are just killing it oh yeah jews kill it and it's like really poor they're poor as fuck yeah
so i mean that's where conspiracy theories always come from people who have no power no leverage it's that's where that's where
conspiracy's got it must be something else it's like now the dude you know yeah he had he used
some nepotism to give it to its son but we all do that everybody does it everyone does nepotism
cronyism yes of course yeah i think they're just kind of a weird kind of you know they try shit
they sack rome they sack rome the germanic tribes
they got something in them where they just want to it's just kind of you see it they want to just
take shit yeah it's like you know and their food stinks they they pay no attention to artistic
stuff pleasurable that's not true their food stinks about germans the way black people talk
about all white people are you telling me when you go to a taste they got no rhythm
you go to a four- got no rhythm they don't you go to a you tell
me you go to a fucking you go to a four-star german fucking restaurant and they serve you
ballpark food you tell me you're walking out and giving a fucking heaven you're gonna you're gonna
write a positive a positive fucking review you're gonna say yeah the frankfurt and applesauce was
delicious i'll tell you what if they said hey you want to get into that oven or you want to eat this
for dinner i'm saying put me in the fucking oven.
Serve me a fucking frank and call it a fucking cuisine.
Now, maybe they don't have traditional like dinner.
Maybe it's because their ovens are already being used for other things.
That's a good point.
That is a good point.
I didn't think of that.
No, but in terms of like ovens were taken.
Philosophy in terms of like classical music and stuff there's an undeniable connection between the germans and
art that we obviously don't see because of the atrocities of world war ii but germans austrians
is the same ethnic people but they tried to be good like the austrians came here hitler was
austrian i know but he was trying to go to germany self-hating he was also a little bit jew i mean
isn't it weird that the guy who was advocating for superiority,
first of all, it's weird that you're advocating for superiority
and that's your cuisine as Frankfurters, but that's a side point.
But he was advocating for superiority for guys that look like Marky
and he looked like me.
Yeah, but wouldn't you believe it even more
if the guy who's not you tells you it's the truth?
It's a little hypocritical.
It's hypocritical, but if anything, you believe it more.
It's like when the waiter says that one of the items on the menu is bad you're like oh i
really believe you because this is supposed to be your thing and you're telling me it's not as good
as it should be i'm not following that example i learned it at first but he brought it together
so like for example like when the waiter you ask a waiter like hey is the steak good and then he
goes i'll be honest with you the steak is trash now i trust that waiter right
because he's saying my this is whack yeah yeah if an arian says they're the best it's like of course
of course you want to believe that because you're arian but if someone who's not arian goes yo
you guys are the best right this is what it is and you're feeling super insecure and broke because
we straight bodied them motherfuckers you know bent, bent them over anal swat. You know,
we stay given
German's anal swat.
Yes.
Also,
my name is Schultz.
That is German as fuck.
But I was here
before they got bad.
Yeah.
You don't have,
you're Scottish though.
My mom's Scottish,
dad is Irish and German.
Yeah,
you got a little.
But like my Irish and German
side was in American
like 1800s.
Right.
After that whole thing now.
Right, right.
You were one of those
like pauper.
Yeah. It's like 1880s. It was perfect timing like germans were still like oh those are the smart guys that are philosophers in europe some bad ideas were coming
real talk germany peaked like 1910 if the world stops in 1910 people people would literally go
those germans were absolutely brilliant right isn't that true they well they made a few comebacks
like they're they're the biggest economy in europe now but in our lifetime and future life well
they'll never there needs to be at mark and i were talking about this the other day like what did we
what did we liken awful things and awful people to prior to Hitler?
Right.
There had to be a Hitler before Hitler.
And who did you say it was?
I think it was Napoleon.
It was Napoleon.
Yeah, right.
Right?
Like, literally, you're the Napoleon of in the same way that we would use Hitler.
Right?
And they need another Hitler to come out before they don't have that stink on them anymore.
Right.
That's a good point. Listen, I hope it them anymore right listen i hope it doesn't happen i hope it doesn't happen but nothing can recover from that right without something replacing it
right because we'll just continue to use it in common vernacular oh you're a nazi about soup
yeah right i think uh he also proved that evil is more powerful than good because he's much more
famous than charlie chaplin both had the same mustache it's banned because of him but how come people don't go hey it was a good
mustache charlie chaplin had it prolific as hitler yeah that's a good point he didn't put up those
types of numbers he would put up numbers yeah numbers on the board yeah he did amberlin style
yo but if it's all about numbers i mean stalin put up better numbers uh we gang is kind we write
russia out the history books bro but listen, this was a good history discussion.
We're going to pay some bills.
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second
because COVID spring break is coming around.
And you know what that means.
You got to trim them pubes.
I know you're supposed to stay home,
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I said away weird, but I'm not going to stop it, okay?
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Maybe you're going to other parts of Florida.
Maybe you're going to Tulum. Maybe you're staying exactly where you are, but you want your dick and balls to stop it. Okay. You're going away. You're probably coming down to Miami. Maybe you go in other parts of Florida. Maybe you go to Tulum. Maybe you're staying exactly where you are,
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Now let's get back to the show.
All right, we're back.
We don't need to get back into that history shit, right?
Fuck history.
It's over.
You know what I mean?
History's over.
History's over, dude.
History's over.
Right now we're making history.
Yes.
Okay, so let's talk about how everybody got canceled.
Even inanimate objects got canceled this week.
Yeah.
Mr. Potato Head. Finally. Finally. Yes. talk about how everybody got canceled even inanimate objects got canceled this week yeah mr potato head finally finally yes this is one of those things where i'm like are they doing this for the publicity yes yeah they have to be right like all you this is it literally the tranny shit
is a button if a company wants publicity for something that is dying right they literally
have no nothing to lose the product either dies or it bumps back into popularity.
So it either dies because nobody's buying it anyway,
it dies because of the tranny connection
and people being really upset about it,
or you make tons of money because all of a sudden
Mr. Potato Head gets cool.
I think it's kind of like TV.
It's a last ditch effort to guilt you into getting it yeah it's like tv's going trying to get woke because it's like nobody's watching
tv so they're going like here's the thing we can do let's make people feel like they are morally
obligated you know yana said this to me back in the day i thought it was so funny that like a
tv is acting like a nightclub that's going out of business. Yeah. Like when nightclubs go out of business, they start going,
all right, here's Latin night.
Here's gay night.
Here's Spanish night.
They like tap into these really specific niche groups.
And they're like, we're just going to get all the money that we possibly can.
And then we're going to close the fucking doors.
Yeah, it's a final cash grab.
Yeah.
Final cash grab.
And you can see the numbers.
The numbers are just like.
But who's buying Mr. Potato Head for the woken numbers are just like but who's buying mr potato
head for the wokeness of it so here's where i think they fucked up they should have gone
conservative with it we're keeping mr and mr mrs potato head because we believe there's only two
genders liberals would cancel it but they don't buy anything anyway liberals aren't buying their
kids potato head doll great point conservative c oh these guys are sticking to their guns saying
fuck you to PC culture.
I'll buy every fucking Mr. Potato Head proudly.
It's like the Goya beans shit.
The old Morgan Whalen, that shit.
Yeah.
All the way to the top of the culture.
Yeah.
Conservatives treat things that support their values like Indians treat Indian comics.
They support.
They come out.
The country guy.
Morgan Whalen.
Yeah.
Yeah.
His fucking shit.
Through the roof.
Through the roof.
Number one selling artist in the world, apparently.
To the moon, bro.
GameStop.
Yo, he don't fund.
I mean, look at Jordan Peterson's book.
It's like nine million or something.
I mean, he's selling millions of copies.
Yeah.
In Canada, it's like number one.
He sent me a copy.
Yeah.
I said, you want to come on the pod to talk about it?
And then the PR firm was like, well, I'll ask him.
I never heard back.
Yeah.
Not reading your book, Jordan.
Not until your balls drop and you sound like a man.
Well, let's talk about, you know.
Sounds like a fucking eunuch.
12 rules for life.
Let me say here.
It's about, it's about cleaning your room clean your room fluff your
pillows you'll feel better with fluffy pillows i mean we live in an era where you can sell
fucking tons of books all you gotta tell people is like there's two there's two sexes and people
go hi he's a genius yeah isn't that crazy the most famous philosopher on the planet by going i think guys are guys
how many dudes on the corner have been saying the exact same thing
no 12 rules for life nothing yo if you got a pussy yeah you're a girl i think bro
hey two rules guys are guys girls are girls if you don't ignore that if you actually don't
ignore that one athlete
that's three feet tall than the other ones
and was born with a dick,
you're a genius.
If Jordan Peterson 12-rolls book
like a Master P album,
like he would just put more songs on his shit
than everybody else
because you would just buy it
if there's more songs.
Jordan Peterson got two rules.
Guys are guys, girls are girls.
Everybody's like,
yeah, we need like 10 more.
Give it 12 so we can sell this book.
You can't have a two-rule book.
Yeah.
That's true.
Two rules is too little. That's not a book. I'm not investing we can sell this book. You can't have a two rule book. Yeah, that's true. Two rules is too little.
That's not a book.
I'm not investing in
that.
12 rules.
12 steps.
12 is the number.
12 is the number.
12 months of the year.
12 months 13.
How many disciples?
12 of them.
12 disciples?
Yeah.
How many inches of dick
is Giannis missing?
12.
Yo.
12 bro.
Yo. How many millions would have history hyenas made if we stayed missing? 12. Yo! 12, bro. Yo.
How many millions
would have history hyenas
made if we stayed together?
12.
Yo!
How many is Chrissy
going to make on his own?
40!
A hundo!
How many is Giannis
going to make?
What is Giannis
going to be filing?
Negative 12.
Negative 12! Might be chapter 11 11 but it's close enough you know
now it is so true isn't that crazy like it nowadays philosophers and thought leaders are
just people saying common sense shit yeah what does that say about society we've gone so far left or so far right that all you need
to do to be an intellectual is say what you already feel greatness is over in fact the attack
the the attack for in the name of morality is that's a great sentence to start with because
what you're going to follow up with it has nothing to do with it but i'm going to listen no it's
going to be good okay i think i think I know what you're doing.
Greatness is over?
I just watched Tom Brady win a fucking Super Bowl
at 43 years old.
Yeah, it's over, bro.
Yeah.
I'll throw something.
Okay, go.
No, they attack.
I'm starting every sentence with greatness is over
and then just saying some completely non-sectical.
When they attack you for something you did
to try to make you morally pure,
that in and of itself is an attack on greatness. Name me one person impure you're saying impure yeah they want you to be pure yeah
name me one great person who was pure michael jackson tom brady's a great example michael
jackson r kelly was michael jackson yeah absolutely pure he yeah nothing is more pure yes than the
loins of a little boy yes as a greek you would know that. You fucking feed him like tokens, and that's how he achieved his greatness.
Fucking boy tokens.
Put it in the machine and watch him dance.
You're making my point.
Put it in the machine and watch him dance.
Tom Brady's a perfect example.
He left his pregnant girlfriend for Giselle.
Yeah.
No.
She tried to trap him.
So what?
You banged her up. Stay like a man. But he thought he could trap him. So what? You banged her up.
Stay like a man.
But he thought he could trust her.
So what?
You banged her up.
He votes Republican.
He's bad.
He's bad.
Right.
Yeah, so that's another one.
That motherfucker knows how to leave a sinking ship, don't he?
He does.
He got out of, what is there, Bridget Moynihan?
He got away from her right in time.
He went to Tampa.
I mean, this guy, I trust his decision
making. And he was ballsy enough to make it.
He's not loyal. How is he not loyal?
He's been loyal to Gisele. No, he's...
Well, we don't know that. She wasn't loyal to him.
Well, we got to check his burner. She lied to him.
She was like, yeah, I'm on the pill, this and that, the other.
And then she got knocked up. Who, Gisele?
No. Oh, the other bitch.
I mean, she's just Google Maps
face. Nobody knows about her. She has it Tom Brady seed. That kid could grow up to be something. but he's not her. I mean, she's just Google Maps face. Nobody knows about her.
Yeah.
She has it Tom Brady seed.
That kid could grow up to be something.
Yeah.
But he's not.
Does Brady not have anything to do with that kid?
Huh?
Does Brady not have anything? I think that kid is always with him.
I don't know.
I assume that's one of his.
Brady should ignore him so he has a chance to be great.
So he has something to conquer.
Now that he's coddling him, the kid's not going to do anything.
He's going to end up being a DJ on drugs.
But if you ignore that kid, that kid ends up being great. Look at Shaq. Look at other kids. Phil is my father.
He didn't have a real father, so he became an animal. He became one of the best players. Shaq.
Shaq had a military stepdad. Yeah, but his father figured, but he didn't have a real dad.
Sean King, dad, doesn't know, mysterious light-skinned black guy, becomes a great
philosopher on the internet, internet activist because he overcame
obstacles in order to achieve greatness you got to overcome obstacles yeah it is tough pure people
don't overcome you can't overcome obstacles jeff bezos jeff bezos got one eye the other eye's evil
no yeah jeff bezos doesn't know his real dad hi doesn't know his real dad he didn't miss steve
jobs dog steve job adopted yeah andrew schultz
mother never hugged him mother never hugged me there you go she will dance with you though she
will dance yeah she will dance she did she will replace hugs with dancing mom it worked out
you see what i'm saying like greatness and greatness and morality are almost diametrically opposed oh well where you go it seems like
greatness and a lack of love are parallel you can't have to do some dirty shit in order to
achieve greatness i don't know i don't know the great dirty but i don't know if that's dirty i
don't know what tom brady did is dirty know if Tom Brady Did his dirty Tom Brady probably
Was mean to his teammates
Probably loved them a bunch
No they loved
His teammates love him
Yeah teammates absolutely
Love playing with him
Alright
So this is going up
I feel like I love
Winston
Yeah
Michael Jordan
Because he was a dick
That's the greatest
Of all time
You tell me Tom Brady
Is nice to him
No Tom Brady gets in your face
And he yells
Come on dude
Yeah
If I can do it You can do it Yeah He's harsh But everybody, Tom Brady gets in your face and he yells, come on, dude. I can do it, you can do it.
He's harsh.
But everybody loved him.
His teammates all loved him.
Everyone loved Michael Jordan.
No, they didn't.
No, they didn't.
Well, then my theory's wrong.
How is greatness dead?
So your theory is...
Because it's in China.
You need to be...
I'm saying because they won't allow any moral impurity.
Taking down Kevin Hart.
It's like you're attacking
people who are trying
to achieve things
like trying to take them down.
It fucking all started
with Arnold Schwarzenegger
and that generation,
they start,
you know,
like fucking
Bilbo has that great joke.
It's like,
you don't think
he's going to fuck his mate?
I mean,
what are you going to do?
You're Tiger Woods.
You don't think?
You don't think
he's going to do that?
Do what?
Fuck other people. That should have been a clause in the marriage we felt betrayed by tiger
because most of them were ugly huh i think we felt betrayed by it means he's a feminist son
means he fucking that's what we're not about he seems deaf are you a feminist absolutely
yes i think the biggest threat to feminism is women's taste in men the guys they choose
oh i like this that's the biggest keep
going keep going yeah they never like the nice guy yeah he's too nice you go to their girlfriends
like i don't know he just you know he's just too respectful yeah like i don't it's no chemistry
you know like and then they'll find any reason like he you know he saw the shirt he was wearing
it didn't match the wall in the bar like i like i like michael because you know he fucking, I can't, he challenges me.
Right.
And he fucked my girlfriend,
so I gotta get him.
I gotta change him.
So do you feel like you have to be an asshole
for your wife to love you?
I'm retired, dog.
I look down at my penis,
it looks like OJ Simpson walking.
It's just a retired,
he's got that old running back walk,
just my knees hurt.
My dick is retired, I'm out of the game. Out, clearly. Dead, yeah. You's got that old running back walk just my knees hurt my dick is retired i'm out of the game oh i got dead yeah you know that fucking retired running back walk
it looks like that's my dad looked down it's a grizzled vet you know it's got fucking scars on it
so you don't care if she's into you or not i got a wife i love my wife i love my family i wish you
my type of success it doesn't matter what podcast you have or don't when you love your family
oh wow it's the least interesting thing I've said on this podcast.
Comedy is about saying the wrong thing.
Yes, but you didn't answer my question.
What is your question?
Do you feel like you need to maintain a certain...
It was Chris's fault, okay?
He wanted bigger things.
He got in a boat with Sal Vulcano,
but he doesn't know it's the comedy Titanic.
He's trading in true comedy fans
for fucking huge fat women
with neck fat.
I just wanted to know
if you had to be a jerk
to your wife or her to love you.
I'm sorry.
I was just joking.
That's the best deflection ever, though.
I'm joking.
That's a safer question.
Safer answer than the real answer.
Of course it's a joke. What were you saying'm sorry i've gotten my answer uh thank you for watching flagrant 2 everybody no uh mark
what else we got what else we got um let's go through a couple more feelings no facts yeah
do you want to pull up more of these stories yo demi lovato says gender reveal parties are transphobic facts yeah if you believe
in trans people a gender reveal party is transphobic yeah can't you have two though
can't you have one when they're born and like do another one when the child when they realize what
it is yeah when the child decides for itself mean, the only pushback I would give her
is that like 99.9% of the time,
you're going to be right, right?
Like maybe we don't have to get rid of,
that's my only thing with the trans thing is like,
we don't have to get rid of entire
like celebrations or customs.
If 99.9% of the time, usually that's what it is.
Like the whole pronoun shit,
like why'd you assume my pronoun? Because 99.9% of the time, usually that's what it is. Like the whole pronoun shit, like why'd you assume my pronoun?
Because 99.9% of the time when I assume someone's pronoun in life, I'm fucking right.
Like it is the most right I've ever been about anything in my life is going, how are you, sir?
Or how are you, miss?
I'm usually never wrong.
Matter of fact, in my life, I've never been wrong.
I've talked to trans people.
And when I see them, I'm like, okay, that's trans.
I'm not even going to say a pronoun.
It's dude.
But what if it gets more sophisticated in the future?
People start identifying as different genders based on their mood.
So when I'm happy, I'm like a little bitch.
I did a very good sheet.
When I get hungry, I'm a fucking alpha male.
I want to eat.
When I get fucking catty, I'm a female. What. I want to eat. You know, when I get fucking like catty, I'm a female who used to be a man.
You know, what if it starts getting my mood?
And so I identify as different things
throughout the day based on my mood.
Yeah.
So then maybe we should just tattoo our pronouns
so I don't get misgendered.
Maybe we'll have little screens put on top of her head
and the mood will just switch.
Like this is what I identify in, she, her.
Yeah.
Or just tattoo like a number or something on their wrist.
Something like that.
Push them in an oven.
Yeah.
You're taking a shower.
No, I'm just saying like, this is the thing that, and we spoke about this, I believe,
with the Capitol riots shit.
It's like, if you believe what they believe to be true about the world, that these politicians
are all like lizard people that are like feasting on like children and like drinking their blood.
Yeah.
Storm the fucking Capitol.
Storm it.
What are you waiting for?
If you truly believe that to be true about our politicians,
I want to meet the people who believe that
and decided not to storm the Capitol.
You fucking pussy staying at home.
Like you truly have invested your life in this
and you're just going to let them run the country?
You're a crazy person.
The time for action comes and you sit at home?
You're right.
If you believe those crazy things about those people.
So if she believes this to be true, right?
If she believes that, I guess, whatever you feel you are,
technically a gender reveal party would be transphobic.
Yeah.
I don't know, though.
Go.
Because even if she does believe in what she believes, you can just say, oh, yeah, we're
having a gender reveal party for our baby.
And then our kid grows up and then says, oh, I identify as a different gender.
And then you say, all right, we're going to do another gender reveal party.
That's too reasonable.
Yeah, like, are you worried you're going to convince the kid he's something he's not?
Yeah.
Like, the kid will know if he identifies is insensitivity considered um hateful yeah there's a phobia is fear
i'm not scared of gay people yeah so we use homophobia interchangeably with hate okay
right like you're not afraid of gay people but like people who hate sensitivity is not
fear-based hate or hate in general.
It's just insensitivity.
If it's intentional, though.
Sometimes by being insensitive
to somebody's plight,
it could be seen as hateful.
I hear what you're saying,
but I'm just trying to
wrap it in for one more.
No, I know,
but you can't hurt
a baby's feelings
that aren't born yet.
You know what I mean?
We never asked the baby.
Yeah, but we don't need to.
It's not born yet.
It has no feelings
to hurt right now.
Gender reveal parties are baby-phobic. You are baby-phobic. Yeah, you're a little need to. It's not boring. It has no feelings to hurt right now. Gender reveal parties are baby phobic.
Yeah.
You are baby phobic.
Yeah, you're a little bit.
That's fine.
I swear when I hear stories like this,
I'm like, yo, Giannis is right.
Chani can take it.
Do what you want.
I mean, yeah, we're all.
I'm tired.
We had a good one.
Dude, the Chinese gender reveal party.
They can shut the shit.
Oh, yeah.
It's sick.
We're like, it's a girl,
and they just squash it.
That's the reveal, right? Wrong answer just squash it wrong answer every gender reveal like girl girl
there's a right answer and wrong talks about how dope that is like if you're chinese and you get
like your side bitch pregnant that you do have an out yeah i'm keeping the baby and you're like
looks like a girl to me
there will be no gender reveal party it'll be a gender funeral
gender blender
oh that's great gender blender is so good
why would you what are you entertaining that for you getting that out that's a great line
so uh
what did y'all think
about Jeremy Lin
uh snitching on the
motherfuckers
calling him
coronavirus
son that shit
is so funny
son
how are you not
gonna call him
coronavirus bro
yeah
how are you not
like if I know
you're Greek
and we're hooping
I'm calling you
Kynitos
yeah
right
100%
you're a Kynitos bro
yeah
you see how he's
backing you to paint
that's how he used to be when he was learning how to paint or whatever they did in Greece Yeah. Right? 100%. You're a Knydos, bro. Yeah.
You see how he's backing you to paint?
That's how he used to be when he was learning how to paint.
Or whatever they did in Greece.
What were Greeks?
Painters?
Sculptors?
Yeah.
But yeah, they painted, sculpted, did math.
But that was the thing like...
I mean, he just minimized it.
What did you guys do?
I don't know.
Started democracy, republics, fucking architecture, algebra, it's all fucking Greek.
Oh, God damn it, Giannis.
Come on with that. Like, I hate how people act like they invented math, bro. What did you guys do? I don't know. Started democracy, republics, fucking architecture, algebra, it's all fucking great.
Oh, God damn it.
Come on with that.
Like, I hate how people act like they invented math, bro.
Like, people didn't know what the fuck shit was before you.
You think they were just looking at things going,
I don't know how much is on this table.
I had two and then I got three.
I don't know what's happening.
Hey, how many goats do you got?
I don't know.
We haven't invented numbers yet.
I really don't know.
Should we do a trade?
You're going for my pelicans?
How can we have a world fair about?
It'd be impossible.
Where are the Greeks to invent numbers?
The Greeks are so fucking arrogant.
They are.
They think they're the only people that could think of counting things.
We are the, we stole it from the Egyptians.
We are the Elvis of cultures.
Oh. Yeah, we stole it from the Egyptians. We are the Elvis of cultures.
Yeah, we stole it from the Egyptians.
And Egyptians, they're the only ones that learned how to count shit?
I think it's just them.
We invented triangles, shut up.
I think before that, it's aliens or something.
Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.
Anyway, how did we get to this?
I don't remember.
Jeremy Lin.
Oh yeah, Jeremy Lin.
So Jeremy Lin's out there getting called coronavirus
on a court, right?
And he's not even in the NBA.
Of course you're gonna get called coronavirus if you're in the G League. You're gonna meet a bunch of guys that are dying coronavirus on a court, right? And he's not even in the NBA. Of course you're going to get called coronavirus if you're in the G League.
There's a bunch of guys that are dying to make a team, right?
They're making $30,000 a year, barely feed their families.
Maybe it was a compliment.
Like, yo, you're about to invade the league.
You're about to really take over.
Yo, coronavirus is a compliment, son.
You're about to change the game.
Lockdown defense.
Yeah, lockdown.
He's changing.
He's changing the course of history.
Yeah.
And honestly, defending him makes you out of breath. Yeah.
You feel like you've got some coronavirus chasing Jeremy Lin around the corner.
You're kidding me.
Son, he never had a problem being called Lin Sanity.
Yeah, right?
Some people might say that that's a little insensitive to mental health.
Yeah, he's a veteran now.
Instead of calling him a veteran, you just call him a long hauler, you know?
I didn't understand what that was.
You don't know Corona long haulers?
No.
Oh, shit.
It's a good joke, actually.
Yeah.
That's good.
My bad.
Okay.
I thought you were talking to like truckers or something like that.
Corona long haulers.
Corona long haulers.
That's right.
You can test positive for a while
Yeah
No but that's true
Like isn't this some bitch ass shit
This is some real bitch ass shit
Like you're playing basketball
Almost everything's on the table
Like you can't be
There's no like M word
That kind of stuff
But like
Kind of racist shit goes
On a court
Especially
Bitch ass white boy Luca got called that Bitch ass white boy And I can't shit goes on a court especially bitch ass white boy
Luca got called that
bitch ass white boy
and I can't believe
we had a whole fucking
apology about that shit
the NBA didn't make him
do shit
especially if black people
are the ones saying it
they deserve
they have a
you have
they have like
diplomatic immunity
I get it how you have
a white guy calling him
coronavirus
they got diplomatic immunity
black people have
diplomatic immunity
like diplomats with crime
like if you're gonna
call someone a racist
and you're black
you can do it
yeah
just got diplomatic
I don't know though diplomats now are getting anally fisted
by the chinese yeah but it's still completely legal nuke them nukes click click boom i like it
i read jeremy lynn's statement and a lot of the shit he was like we're not gonna handle stand for
this anymore i thought it would be more like there Who's we? There's one of you I There's one Asian
In the GLE
Like Asian shit
In America in general
Yeah
And most of it
I was like
This is a big deal to you
It's like the way
They're represented in movies
Or some shit like that
It's like bruh
Talk about the hate crimes
I'm with you
Yeah
Talk about treating
Chinese Americans poorly
Because of the virus
Alright cool
And that's fucked up
You can't treat
Chinese Americans poorly Because of the virus You can't obviously Do. And that's fucked up. You can't treat Chinese Americans
poorly because of the virus.
You can't obviously
do not,
you know,
any acts of violence
against Chinese Americans
is absolutely disgusting.
But we're going to call you
coronavirus
if we were your friend.
Like,
you can't tell me
I can't be racist
with my friends.
What's the point of friendship?
What's the point of friendship
if I can't call my Asian friend
coronavirus?
That's a good point.
I've probably been calling
Ronnie Chang coronavirus
for about six months. Ever since coronavirus came around,
I'm like, Ronnie, why would you bring this here? It's like, yo, man, you helped me move. You were
there for me when mom died. But yo, are we really friends? Because you never called me coronavirus.
You can't even trust it. If your white friend hasn't called you coronavirus yet, can you trust
him? He's hiding something. He's hiding something. Yeah. Come on, bro. Just because he don't have any
snapbacks on the black dudes, that's what it is.
Because he can't say anything.
Well, he could get dreadlocks.
Remember when he got his little dreadlocks?
Yeah.
He had his little cornrows?
Oh, yeah.
And then Kenyon Martin's dumbass called him out.
Yeah.
He's like, that's cultural appropriation.
And then Jeremy was like, dude, you have ancient characters on your neck.
Yeah.
I'm just saying, it seems like some soft.
And then he goes, I'm gonna snitch I'm not gonna say
The exact person
Because ruining that person's life
Wouldn't be good
So what are you saying this for?
Just like some victimhood shit?
That's all it is?
Yeah
That was the beginning of it
I think
Yeah it's like
Isn't that a celebration
Of the culture?
If you're doing something?
What?
Especially if you're Asian
I bet black people
Call them coronavirus
It's a term of endearment
On the basketball court
Yeah
Wait is he mad because of that
or is he mad
because of the head
it's for a diss bro
like bitch
hits
yeah
right
but coronavirus
he's already back
on defense
yeah
do you know what I mean
yeah
alright guys
we gotta stop for a second
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Let's get back to the show.
Also, guys, we're both on tour, man.
Tickets are available right now.
You go to theandrewschultz.com.
And I would go there quite quickly because they're selling out fast.
You got some rock star shit.
Hey, man, things are pretty good.
Things are pretty good.
I'm liking it.
Salt Lake is sold out. Columbus is sold out. Nashville is sold out. Atlanta might be sold out. of shit hey man things are pretty good things are pretty good you know i'm liking it uh salt lake is
sold out clums sold out nashville sold out um atlanta might be sold out and raleigh might be
sold look go check right now we also got west palm beach phoenix and tampa those are going fast
the tour starts this coming up weekend so make sure you go there immediately uh we're not adding
shows i would get those tickets right now, right now, right now.
And Akash, what you got coming up?
Yo, I am at Helium this week in Philly.
Not sold out.
Y'all got time to buy tickets.
We're going to get there, though.
March 4th through 6th.
I'm doing three Heliums, guys.
This is exciting.
March 4th through 6th, I'm at Helium.
March 18th through the 20th, I'm at Helium in St. Louis.
Helium in Philly, March 4th through 6th.
And we just added this. April 15th through April 17th, I'm at Helium in St. Louis. Helium in Philly, March 4th through 6th. And we just added this.
April 15th through April 17th, I'm at Helium in Portland.
So guys, scoop up tickets.
Let's go.
Let's rock out.
Let's have fun.
Akash Singh.com.
What else we got?
Give us another one.
You guys want to watch the Woody Allen doc?
Woody Allen documentary.
Should there be a statute of limitations for hip pieces?
No.
Like, can you just keep on profiting off of making hip pieces on people that were accused
of things and then proven innocent it's a good point like there's no double jeopardy when it
comes to uh i guess the conviction right like if you are innocent like oj cannot get tried again
at least not like yeah but this is like OJ because he got away with marrying one daughter.
Yeah.
And now it's like, all right, well, you got away with one crime, so we're going to get you on some other shit.
So basically what they're trying to say is this.
They're trying to say, I think it's like Woody Allen versus Dylan Farrow or something like that.
And allegedly he molested his daughter, Dylan Farrow.
And they did some study, they yale this yale this that the other and they concluded that
dylan was not molested by woody but then some shady shit happened where they like
threw out the records or burned the records or burned the evidence of the interviews and all
that kind of stuff afterwards and then the prosecutor said later on that he thought what
he did do it but he didn't want to put dylan through the experience of like going to trial and he thought it'd be really traumatic for so obviously there's a lot of
fucked up shit and then he marries his 14 year old asian chick or c-17 or something when they
get married whatever it is but his adopted daughter there's a lot of weird shit with
woody allen great nate mcintosh line what is it you can't adopt something and then fuck it you
just can't shawson nathan mcintosh you can't adopt something and then fuck but you can
you can though you did it he did yeah he did but people are people try to be like yo but she was
old enough yeah no you can't adopt something and then fuck it yeah you're morally right and wrong
it's not cool he didn't really sure he didn't technically adopt her though uh older dudes who
have a sugar baby that's the same as adopting them you take care of their entire life yeah but not when they're fucking three years old if you get a sugar baby when
they're a baby young yo but but yannis made a good ass point what he never adopted her no
no it was mia farrell's adopted daughter mia farrell and woody allen were dating uh they
lived in different houses he was i guess kind of a father figure based on his
girlfriend was her mother but he cheated on her with her and then let's be honest they've been
together now longer than most people who have appropriate beginnings is that punishment enough
that he's got to spend the rest of his life with this four so that we don't think dude not to jews jews love asians man the ivy league has been bringing
jews and asians together since 1930 like they really like they go after each other old cultures
you know they're used to small penises they both understand algebra and all that shit
it's a real they just vibrate like people are that smart fuck different yeah you
know that like we're mediocre stupid people so we stroke to try to get the dumb sperm up we try to
give it a head start and that's why we pump but because nature doesn't want us to reproduce so
we have to kind of help it yeah but smart people like that just hold each other and vibrate he
knows kama sutra shit you just vibrate like when mark zuckerberg fucks i assume her name's mrs chow or chang or some shit when they fuck they just they hold each other and vibrate and then god or nature
just takes the sperm and shoots it in because they want to make more genius people because it's
evolution they're smarter than us yeah so they just vibrate they just hold each other like that
i'm telling you dog i researched this shit yeah where'd you research it internet dog
internet got some shit on there.
Yeah, Internet's got some shit on there, bro.
And, Akash, is this true?
I'm starting to feel like Chris DiStefano right now.
What is that?
I had enough.
I had enough.
What's going on right now?
There's too many good jokes.
Is that true about the Kama Sutra?
I don't know.
I haven't read the Kama Sutra.
That's a waste, bro.
How have you not read the fucking one thing?
That's like a dude who's tall and you don't hoop.
It's like you're Indian, bro.
You should be a fucking... That's the jujitsu of fucking. You don't know it? Yeah, man. But I'm going to do it. You're going the fucking one thing? That's like a dude who's tall and you don't hoop. It's like you're Indian, bro. You should be a fucking...
That's the jujitsu of fucking.
You don't know it?
Yeah, man.
But I'm going to do it.
You're going to fucking vibrate your girl.
Learn a couple things, dude.
Wouldn't you be curious about your culture?
Anyone needs it.
It's the jujitsu.
I do need it, but I probably can't do most of that shit.
You seen a couple of them pictures?
I would love...
For a while, shit they're doing, yo.
Yeah, but that shit...
Pick up some Kama Sutra pictures.
Also, is it written or is it just pictures?
It's written, dude.
You can study.
It's the jujitsu of fucking.
It's like you could, you know,
you could get like a black belt in it and fuck good.
They figured out like the martial arts of fucking
and we're all ignoring it because fucking
we can't see past their food being spicy or whatever it is.
You know what I mean?
It's like, what's going on?
It does make sense.
There's a lot of Indians. Yeah, dude. Yeah, they must have been doing it right. Yeah know what I mean? It's like, what's going on? It doesn't make sense. There's a lot of Indians.
Yeah,
they must have been doing it right.
Yeah,
and they're pieces too.
The women are fucking pieces.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Each his own,
man.
Each his own,
you know.
Everybody's got a flavor,
you know.
You like it?
Nah.
That's the nicest way
you've ever handled that.
Love Indian. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Smart. Smart. Smart. know you like it no this is the way you've handled that love indian yeah yeah yeah smart smart
great culture
amazing amazing culture brilliant smart people oh gosh a good looking kid amazing looking men yeah great eyes eyes yeah phenomenal you know
nice sandals women mute ants
that is an evil ass laugh
it's like dr evil on mushrooms guys are attracted no i think akash has put this in my in me
self-hating sandra no he loves indian he loves indian women more than anything he'll only date
indian he married anyone but he'll only be with indian but he hates it when white guys specifically
date indians yeah so i think he put this in me in some way he like inception right right yeah
yeah an allergy yeah yeah yeah because i love everything indian big fan
of the culture big fan of the people obviously love the food grew up on indian food right yeah
i mean i grew up a couple when i moved to new york boom i grew up a couple blocks from six
street where a little india oh yeah yeah but he put something in me he inception something
great cab drivers too they're. They're good at that.
I'm just mentioning something they're good at.
Overlook.
I mean, of all the things we could say about Indian,
I don't think cab drivers.
Dude, if you need to get to LaGuardia in 42 minutes,
they'll make it happen.
You'll fear for your life, but they'll make it happen.
When you go to India, you won't even feel like it's offensive.
You'll be like, no, I see how we fucking nice.
Yeah, dude.
Hell yeah, they're nice. Manhattan is lightweight. I, I see how we fucking nice. Yeah. Dude, even out of that trap. Hell yeah. They're nice.
Okay.
Fine.
Yeah.
I wait.
Yeah.
I'm saying much more successful.
Yeah.
Get into a cab with a fat black,
uh,
white woman.
See how quick you make it to LaGuardia.
Just trying to make it equal.
She's half black,
half white.
Do y'all remember when we were shooting the Schultz studio sketch?
Yeah.
And they walked in and Chrissy says one thing
and then Yannis goes.
I got caught.
I was like,
this is the hardest I laughed in 2020.
I think I lost it.
I got to find a way to get it up
so we can rewatch it.
Can you look to see if you can find it?
I'll find it.
Dude, Yannis says one line.
I'm not even going to say it. We'll get back to it. When you can find it i'll find it dude yannis says one line i can't
i'm not even saying we'll get back to it when you had it we'll get back to it i remember it
but he basically had one of those brain farts yeah i just got
so yeah something's there but i'm working on it right i'm working on it akash yeah you don't got
to bro you be you no you did this to me probably and i love it i'm working on it right i'm working on it akash yeah you don't got to bro you be you
no you did this to me probably and i love it i'm not gonna be accountable for what you did
i'm so proud of myself fuck are you gonna hate indian women soon too dog i love i don't hate
indian i love everybody i love everybody especially women every culture has beautiful women
everyone every single one except for san antonio the world is full of
girls yeah he called it he called it i went there i was like holy shit these are big dude they are
big i mean they look like they have an actual city ordinance where they don't let you build
more than three stories because if a fat woman goes to the top she could cause she could cause
a solar eclipse dog they're like fucking planets. They're circles.
Cause a solar eclipse.
I'm telling you, buildings can only be
so tall. If they get too
high, they block the sun.
Big people. You've never seen fucking
people that big. What's uglier?
San Antonio or San Francisco?
Okay, hold on. We have the video.
I sent it to you. You sent it to me,
but do we want to play it right here Can we play it right there
Yeah
San Francisco
Gotta be there
It's a good one
San Francisco
Oh my fucking god dude
They don't take care
Of themselves in San Francisco
Ugh
Yeah
I want to see this video
I just want to make sure
That we get this all out
This is
This is great
You ready to go
You need a couple more minutes
Okay
Let's do another topic
Before we get out of here
What more do we have Marquito Lady Gaga situationaga situation well you can move on for the last time or whatever
oh yeah zlatan versus lebron are you familiar with this yes zlatan ibrahimovic is a legendary
soccer player has played soccer at the highest levels is dominated at the highest levels i don't
know if he's that a championship, per se.
Did he win one with Barcelona?
Did he have a headbutt of a guy in the World Cup?
No, that was Zinedine Zidane.
Okay.
Yeah.
Frenchman.
This guy's Swedish.
Well, he's like Yugoslavian.
Right.
Immigrant to Sweden.
Right.
Immigrant to Sweden.
Really tough life.
Grew up poor.
Street kid.
Found salvation through soccer.
So he's not like some rich Swede who's just yapping off.
Right.
And he's like one of the most cocky people on the planet and very charismatic and lovey jokes a lot people love him yeah
charismatic um and he basically told lebron uh shut up and dribble yeah but he said focus on
what you're good at you shouldn't be involved in politics don't say things about politics we'll get
up in a second you should you look like him a little bit i'll take it i look like every
yugoslavian. You do, yeah.
And then he basically says, focus on what you're good at,
which is obviously the sport.
Don't involve yourself in politics because you don't know about it. And obviously the knee-jerk reaction is, you know, LeBron is,
I do my Googles, I'm research, I know what I'm saying, blah, blah, blah.
But I have noticed a transition in how LeBron frames his activism
post NBA China issue right because LeBron used to do what a lot of people do when they become
activists which say basically say uh what is it a inequality anywhere is a threat to
equality everywhere yeah or injustice anywhere is a threat to justice right that's the quote
Martin Luther King yes and they take that and they take that premise and they attach it to everything
and then they have to be an activist for everything yep and everybody's a hypocrite if you go further
enough down the line right like everybody has the phone that's made by the slaves everybody has
the clothes that are made by the kids in the sweatshops we're all hypocrites you can't be a
total activist you can't be a total vegan. You can't be a total vegan, a total animal rights activist,
because an animal has been doing something for you,
and you are connected to that abuse of that animal or of that human being.
Right.
So after the whole China thing comes out,
I think it almost reminds LeBron that, like,
oh, there's certain things that he's okay,
but there's certain inequalities that he is a
hundred percent okay about for the right amount of money right like four millions of dollars
treat chinese people however the fuck you want is basically what he said right and then his focus
kind of evolved to i just care about my community and i'm gonna stand up for my community which i
don't knock because i love that yeah it's literally the only real way to be an advocate
or an activist without getting too much pushback. If you go, I'm for equality over here, immediately
you get dice apart. If you go, yo, I just ride for my team. That's all I care about. I know there's
other people out there who got fucked up. They got to ride for their team and get people to ride for
them, but I can't solve all the world's problems. I just got
to solve mine.
I honestly think that's the safest
position to be in. It's the safest, but isn't
there a point at which it's like, yo, they got
fucking concentration camps over there.
Like, that's not, you could be quiet
about some crazy injustice. Yeah, but what's
LeBron going to do about that? Especially if
Same shit he does, say something.
Yeah, but you know, the NBA makes a lot of money in China. It's part of his contract. He probably can't say anything. brah i'm gonna do about that especially if same shit he does say something yeah but yeah but
the nba makes a lot of money in china it's part of his contract he probably can't say anything
yeah you know i guess what i'm saying is like once you take that corporate money dog you can't
have a podcast anymore these are all come on man it's we're all joking i I mean, you know, it was, it was, it was a mutual decision.
Moonwalking.
No,
but for real. He doesn't have faith
in the moonwalk anymore.
He gives up half.
I know.
He's like,
I can't do it.
Why did I think
I was going to have to
ask him a question
to get it out?
Just let him talk
about other topics.
He keeps on bringing it back.
No,
but seriously,
isn't it kind of
the same thing?
It's kind of like
he works for the NBA. Yes. nba makes a trillion dollars in china everything makes money movie business
there would be no money in rocks movies as it was everything makes money in china yes because
that's where the money is that's where the growing middle class is that's where everything is made
yes that's where the tiger mom philosophy is that's where all the stem research is being
they're just crushing us we don't want to admit it yet no no we're jordan on the wizards
dog it's time to hang them up stop you stop stop you're acting crazy nah them demi lovato stories
make me think yannis is right we're not going nowhere we're not going nowhere all right guys
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All right, guys.
Let's get back to the show.
All right.
This has been far too long already.
But before we get out of here, I do want to talk about one more thing.
And that is doing stand-up again.
We did these shows, Miami.
Thank you so much for coming out, man.
It's fucking unbelievable.
And thank you for selling out these shows so goddamn fast.
It is incredibly flattering, man. Thank you. And selling out these shows So god damn fast It is incredibly flattering man
Thank you
And we did these shows
We had great line up on these shows
Akash, Mark there
Some Miami locals
You know Kyle Grooms pulled up
Cisco's out there
We got Will Lopez on the show
David Lucas
David came through man
We had Tony Hinchcliffe on another one
So they were just fucking dope
But I didn't realize until I started doing stand up again
How much time
In my day while I was not performing
That stand up consumed
Like I really forgot about that
And
The other day I was just like
Hanging out in the house
And I was just writing jokes again And like thinking about ways to get into jokes and out of jokes and segue.
And I hadn't done that probably in over a year because all the preparation for joke writing was for Netflix or for the rants or just for like ideas for the pod.
And I was having so much fun by myself just sitting down and thinking of crazy ideas.
The reason I bring it up is because when I wasn't doing stand-up, I would be really locked in when we were creating the rants or we're doing something when I had a task to do.
Then after the task, I'd be like, what should I fucking work on?
Maybe I'll find a new project.
It felt almost like there was a void.
I forgot how much time and how much purpose stand-up gave me.
Because there's never a time in my life, now that I'm back to stand-up,
and before for the last 13 years, where something wasn't potentially a joke.
Something horrible that went wrong, maybe it was a bit.
Something incredibly embarrassing, how do I turn this into something?
Ooh, that's a funny reference.
Maybe I could put that into something.
It filled my whole fucking day.
In the same way that people who are trying to save the environment,
I imagine their whole day is figuring out new ways where they can save the environment.
It really fills you up.
It gives every second of the day some sort of purpose.
And it's not like active work.
It's not like building a house or something like that.
But it's something to keep your mind occupied.
And I just remember it was like, I don't know.
I think, Mark, you said something.
It was like a long lost love or something like that.
Like you're reunited again.
You're like, oh, shit.
I forgot how much I love spending time with you.
And it's the time off stage.
I never, I forgot how fun off state you know what
i just thought of we don't even say we barely said in the last year yo that's a bit that's
we used to say that on the podcast all the time yo that's a bit you gotta make that a bit yeah
i think it's been particularly hard on us because we like stand-up is like an addiction yeah it's
like we've been in like rehab yeah Yeah. I just love that we're back
as standup
because we were talking
about this last night,
but like,
we're standups.
Yeah.
That's the thing
a lot of people don't realize.
Like,
we are standups
that do other things.
We podcast,
we put our fucking clothing line,
we'll do crazy videos,
we'll do little viral content,
but we are stand-ups
that's what you do that's your main shit that's we came up as this is but it's not like we left it
this is what we do it was forced out of our hands yeah and i love the fact that we're all getting
back in a stand-up because it's just this reminder of what what the real is you know what i mean like it's very easy to create um i don't know
how to like phrase this but like it's very easy when you get away from the thing that we're all
in together it's very easy to get lost in each of those things right like even for ourselves like
even when we were doing the rants and we weren't doing any stand-up i was like oh this is really
fun you know this is like really cool we could doing the rants and we weren't doing any standup, I was like, oh, this is really fun. You know, this is like really cool.
We could continue to do this, et cetera.
And it was great.
Don't get me wrong.
I had a great time doing it.
But after doing standup again, it just was this, it just reminded me.
I was like, oh, no, no, no.
This is the thing.
Because there's consequences.
There's a cost for something not going good.
It's even more of a thrill.
It's even more of a tightrope walk.
Yeah.
It's ephemeral.
It's also the hardest thing.
Yeah.
Like I want to be the best
at the hardest thing yeah you're alone up there yeah you got to do it you have to deliver it
and it's so cool to be part of that there are other things that you could be the best at but
there is like for example if i do the best rant that's not on me mark Mark was writing on it. Robbie was writing on it.
F.A.
You know what I mean?
We had a team of people that are helping.
So it's like, but when you're up there and you're doing stand-up, man.
It's your own stuff.
It's a different fucking ballgame.
And it's the best.
It is who you are.
It's so fucking pure.
And it's connection with other humans in a way.
Like a laugh is like, oh, we all have that in common.
It crosses cultural boundaries.
It brings people together. it's a unifier it's a unifier and i'm not knocking other things i think sketch is cool i like sketch is cool acting's boring but you can see some really
cool acting stuff but like there's something about stand-up especially like you said you are
we are stand-ups you either are a stand-up or you're not
yeah and you know if you and if you are a stand-up it's just that's it there's nothing else exactly
if you're not a stand-up you can you don't get it like but like if you take this from us and then
we put us back there it's like oh and this will be telling like the motherfuckers that don't go
back to stand-up they were never stand-ups yeah right they were doing stand-up as a means
to get somewhere and the motherfuckers that go back to stand-up those are the ones that are real
ones yeah so we're back in the game i just i it feels like we're back in the game man i just love
it we got to admit though it's changed what's that as far as like what can make your career
it's changed a little bit if you're a young comic coming up now it used to be like hey get your stand up on television or yeah now it's kind of like hey man
use the internet you know and then you know do stand up but yeah are you explaining this to me
no i'm not to you i'm saying i know but i'm saying like that's one a good idea might be to like do
clips or like uh put your special out on youtube but not even stand like, that's one caveat. A good idea might be to like do clips or like put your special out on YouTube.
But not even stand up.
But it's like, you know what I'm saying?
It's like, I'm just saying a one caveat
to like stand up is back is that like,
we're kind of grandfathered in,
but the kids growing up, are they as enthusiastic?
They get it.
They're more enthusiastic.
About stand up?
Every one of these kids growing up
has their own fucking DSLR camera
that they're taking to shows.
They have a Zoom that they can get the audio from the show. They're cooking up their own clips. They onlyr camera that they're taking to shows that you know have
a zoom that they can get the audio from the show they're cooking up their own clips they only know
the internet they don't watch tv the new generation does everything themselves the new generation
is the fucking what is this three-headed monster whatever it is they can edit they can shoot they
can do absolutely because they understand that's what they need to do in order to be successful
in this that was the caveat i was saying it's like you just can't only do stand-up the way we did to come up yeah but
yes he's saying the new generation they're already doing it right they just get it it's
there's more you have to do now right that's the only difference now is you got to do more
you got to be nice as fuck at stand-up and you got to figure out how to edit and you got to figure
out how to shoot until you're successful enough where you can hire motherfuckers to do that. And if you don't want that, you don't want to play the game.
That's what I, yeah.
Simple as that. It's like these motherfuckers in the NBA that don't want to diet. Yeah,
you got all the skills, but you don't want to diet, bro. You don't want to cut out bread.
You don't want it enough.
Why you got to do Big Baby like that?
Son, Big Baby don't want enough. You're not spending a million dollars on your body,
Big Baby.
Yeah.
You know, LeBron out here spending a million on his body.
Yes.
And if you spend a million on your body, you'd probably still be in the league
making 15 million a year.
Yes.
That'd be a good investment, isn't it?
Yeah.
I'll spend a million to make 14.
Yes.
Yeah, I mean-
So I don't want to hear nothing from comics.
Oh, we have to do all this other shit.
You're lucky.
We didn't have that.
Fuck it.
When we were young, we didn't have the opportunity.
We got to hope to get a special,
hope to get something.
It's kind of crazy when you hear comics complain about it.
It's like, what do you want
To go back to it
When there's three spots
And now it's wide open
No it's just lazy
Is they don't want
To be part of the game
Simple as that
There are people who complain
I remember seeing you
Sell out the Times Square
Art Center
Remember the Times Square
Art Center
Yeah
I remember you selling
That out with that
And that shit was like
Oh that's what I want
I don't want to deal
With no networks
Nothing
I want that I want direct connection To the people And I want to sell out These shows's what I want. I don't want to deal with no networks, nothing. I want that.
I want direct connection to the people, and I want to sell out these shows.
And once I do that, I could have everything.
And then I saw you get Montreal and all these other things.
I was like, oh, everybody comes once the people come to you.
Oh, the people are the thing that you have to be connected to.
And everybody who I've seriously fucked with in my career are people who have deep connections with the people.
Charlamagne, Duvall, you, you know, Rogan,
all these guys that I'm really connecting with,
they're all about people to creator connectivity.
No middleman, nothing.
And then if we want to go dance on Netflix, let's go dance.
Absolutely.
I'll take the people over there.
Yeah.
If we want to go dance somewhere else,
then we go dance somewhere else.
That's fine.
But it all got to come back to here and what's on stage.
And you took what you do and brought it to Netflix.
Exactly.
Which was great to see.
You know, it was like you were doing that already
and they were like, we're buying that thing you're doing.
You know, so that was like,
it's kind of a continuation of what you were already doing.
100%.
Yeah.
And we wouldn't have done it otherwise.
If we couldn't do the exact thing we wanted to do,
we wouldn't because this is what we were saying earlier. 100%. And we wouldn't have done otherwise. If we couldn't do the exact thing we wanted to do, we wouldn't.
Because this is what we were saying earlier.
We owe it to the people who support us.
I can't lie to you.
I can't give you a product that is misleading.
I can't tell you that I'm this guy and this is what I stand for and then give you a product that is none of that.
I have to be flagrant. I have to be, I mean, obviously I have to be flagrant i have to be um i mean obviously i have to be funny but i
have to be consistent in what i'm for lack of a better word selling yeah and the second you're
not consistent is that's when they eat you alive i love you lie to me bro i love when jerry steinfeld
one great thing he said was that christ jerry but remember he goes he goes just give us the money
let us do it he it was some he was like actors actors. He was like, we, yeah, he goes, we, you're talking to a guy who created all the jokes,
went on the road, knows they work, created his own career, and then you're giving me
notes on what to make it funny.
How dare you?
How dare anybody tell Seinfeld anything?
Yo, he's the GOAT, bro.
He's the GOAT, dog.
He's the GOAT, bro.
I love that motherfucker.
The show Seinfeld is iconic.
It's one of the GOAT shows. oh he's the goat bro i love that motherfucker the show seinfeld is iconic and every time you hear a story about a show that succeeded you always hear like they the people always say
like chappelle said they got we had to fight the network they wanted us to do this we did this
it's like let the comics just do it yo i feel that way until like i hire a contractor
you know yeah like they're doing work on the house and i'm like yo why isn't shit done and
they're like oh we're gonna get it done it's like no i'm gonna be you gotta get some mexican
contractors my friend they get it done they get it done they get it done you just got the wrong
contract but you don't understand what i'm saying like it is different when you're putting up the
money so i do understand that you got to prove your worth right if you've created something before
then motherfuckers start to trust you if you created nothing then you're gonna have to put
up with some notes if you've done nothing in your career,
and then HBO goes, we'd like to make a show around you. Absolutely. They don't have a say.
If you've built your own show and then HBO buys that, then you get to say, yo, HBO, you paid me
to do this thing. Now get the fuck out the way so I could do this. To that point, all jokes aside,
Seinfeld was a hugely, like a really successful standup.
Ben got his own show and then he was like, I'm going to do it my way.
And he hired Larry David, who was sleeping at his mother's house,
had no job, walked off a Saturday Night Live.
He did it his way.
He did it with the guy he wanted to do it with.
There's one quote I love by Bernie Brillstein.
He goes, it's show business, not business show.
I was so successful because I had the best talent.
That's it that's
the way i saw it never did contracts he's like if i don't if you're not working leave me i'm not
doing my job he said it's show business yeah this is a show 100 so it's like it would be not you
know network should think about that when they do comedy projects do you think his managers now are
saying that because they do nothing who most managers. I don't know, but it is about, in the entertainment business,
if you get the right talent, you're probably on the right path.
Yes.
If you let the talent breathe and go, hey, just do what you did
that made me want to represent you.
Yes.
That's probably a good way to go about it.
Yes.
Yeah.
Anyway, look, I love you, Giannis.
Tell the people whether they can check out Gianni Long Days.
Yeah.
We're now up on Apple.
Yes, we're up on everywhere.
It's Long Days with Giannis Pappas, a podcast.
Please check it out.
It's up everywhere, all audio platforms, YouTube.
I often ask people who are promoting a podcast when they come on here
to tell us one specific episode that you think personifies this show.
Last one, episode nine called Headed to Miami Gardens.
Okay.
Check it out.
And the reason I say that is because it's daunting.
Yes.
To take in a whole new podcast.
Right.
But if you go, this episode is what we do.
If you like this, you'll fuck with it.
If you don't, you won't.
And then don't listen anymore.
I think it'll help.
So the last episode is?
Episode nine.
It's called Headed to Miami Gardens.
Yo, check it out.
And obviously on Instagram, you're posting clips and they're funny and you must be doing
some green screen work or something like that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Looks good.
I'm working with my buddy Jesse again tonight.
Shout out to Jesse, man.
Yeah.
Tell Jesse I say what up.
But we love you.
We support you.
And I'm glad that you and Chrissy are still friends because we love Chrissy too.
It's all love.
It's all love.
And you know, obviously we're going to, you know, bust balls.
And I know that, you know, Reddit and shit is going to try to make more about it than it is,
but listen, we've known each other for over a decade.
It's love.
We want everybody to succeed, feed their families.
We would have loved for you guys to continue going.
We're fans of the podcast, fans of what you do.
We try to support as much as we can,
so maybe in the future we get you guys to cozy up again.
That would be great.
I mean, we'd cozy up any time.
I mean, it's all love,
so we'd go on podcasts together, do whatever and that's a good thing about breaking off earlier
than later that's because you can't come back that's later yeah you just said you like i said
we kind of both knew and you know we just kind of went like let's do other stuff and yeah yeah
yeah all right my brother i love you that's been an episode of Flavor. Thank you. Good for both of you. Peace. Love you, buddy.