Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Dave Portnoy’s MeToo Evasion MasterClass
Episode Date: November 16, 2021Flagrant 2 is a comedy podcast that delivers unfiltered, unapologetic, and unruly hot takes directly to your dome piece. In an era dictated by political correctness, hosts Andrew Schulz and Akaash Sin...gh, along with AlexxMedia and Mark Gagnon, could care less about sensitivities. If it’s funny and flagrant it flies. If you are sensitive this podcast is not for you. But if you miss the days of comedians actually being funny instead of preaching to a quire then welcome to The Flagrancy. Join the Patreon Asshole Army: http://bit.ly/2xQwHYf New York native and internationally touring stand-up, Andrew Schulz is known for his hilarious and unsafe comedy. He has starred in the sitcom BENDERS (now available on Netflix), can be seen in Amazon’s SNEAKY PETE, HBO’s CRASHING, and on MTV including GUY CODE and GIRL CODE. In the podcast realm, Schulz can be heard on the wildly popular THE BRILLIANT IDIOTS — co-hosted by nationally syndicated radio and television personality Charlamagne tha God — the hilarious sports commentary podcast FLAGRANT 2, and the film and TV analysis podcast WESTERBROS. He has made major appearances on The Joe Rogan Experience, Bert Kreischer’s BERTCAST, Joey “coco” Diaz The Chuch of What’s Happening Now, and Theo Von’s This Past Weekend. He has even done solo interviews with the likes of Lil Duval and many others. Andrew’s online presence has touched hundreds of millions of people across the globe and his unconventionally funny approach to the comedy world has launched him into stardome. His shows Dropping In and Inside Jokes will rack of hundreds of thousands of views weekly. Nothing is off limits for Schulz, from sex to race, and even the occasional audience heckler roast, Andrew is hungry to be the best. He can be seen in New York City performing regularly at New York Comedy Club and the Comedy Cellar.
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What up everybody, welcome to Flaker 2, it's your boy Show T, I'm here with Akash Singh,
Mark Gagnon, Alex Media is still not here, he is on punishment, okay?
Alex has kind of been fucking up the audio and video lately, and we said, yo, you gotta
get that shit together, so we're gonna, you know, you take a month off, everybody gotta
be accountable for what they do on this podcast.
Okay.
This is very important to all of us is how we take care of our families is what we're
doing for our future is what we're doing for right now.
And, um, it didn't feel like the quality of the podcast was a priority.
So we had to let him know how serious we were about that.
So Alex has taken a month off from the podcast.
He will be back after that.
He is still
our brother we love him very much but at the same time we put a lot into this podcast yeah and we
need to make sure that that energy is matched by everybody and the importance of this being
executed to the best of our ability is matched by everybody on this podcast okay but he will be back
in a month and uh if we continue to have uh
audio video problems after that he'll be gone for a lot longer uh but that is our brother we love
him and he'll be back now i guess it'll be like three more weeks yeah yeah something like that
perfect uh we also got the truffle in the building okay and uh guys let's start the show. Yes, don't worry, comedy community.
We will talk about Michael Che and Tim Dillon going at it on Instagram and Twitter.
But before we do that, I have to bring to everybody's attention that Mark laughs at disabled children.
That's not true.
That is true.
That is true.
Well, I don't know if you laugh at it, but you did share it.
Yeah, I did.
And maybe you're sharing it for good fortune. you're sharing to lift everybody's spirits but what i defy the
audience to do right now and everybody in this room is to watch this video and i want you to
try to not laugh or even smile i shared this because it was a heartwarming story and i and
i knew that you were having a hard time with this movie and i thought you know what andrew actually
might prefer to see something that would help you out dude and i did feel better afterwards yeah i felt amazing okay
yeah uh right now what we're about to watch is the uh the all blacks these are the uh
all blacks yes this charlemagne's network for podcasting isn't it charlemagne's network for
podcast what is it called oh that's black effect all blacks are a rugby team the all black effect the all black effect right it's a rugby team uh from a
place that has no black people yeah so new zealand yeah the no blacks the no blacks went to scotland
am i right no ireland something like that something like that okay and uh i'm sorry guys they all look
alike and i'm not talking about okay the kids in the video all right i'm just gonna or the all blacks or the all blacks
but um all blacks do not look alike basically what happens is uh the team is there and then
there's a younger disabled kids team what do they have their cousins right they have down syndrome
they have down they've been diagnosed with down so the cuzzy wuzzies okay are lined up and they're
gonna do a haka what a haka is it's's like this pre-war dance that the teams sometimes do.
I remember they tried to do it.
New Zealand was playing the United States in basketball,
and they tried to do it to intimidate them.
They slapped their chest, and they stick their tongue out, and they grab it.
They go, ha-ha.
And it looks really cool if they're not playing basketball.
Yeah, if you're not playing an actual team of all blacks. Yes, exactly.
Then it's fine.
When they played the real blacks?
Yeah, they were like, this seems racist, not me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So what happened is they go,
and the cuzzy wuzzies wanted to impress them, right?
It was probably not the cuzzy wuzzies.
It was the cuzzy wuzzies' trainer,
and their trainer decided.
How do you say trainer?
Teacher, bro. How do you say trainer?
Why do you say trainer like they're Pokemon, bro?
What's wrong with you?
I don't know who you guys are.
I don't think they're fighting him.
Are they fighting him?
That would be next level fucking up. They're not even trainers, yo.
No, but they're also on a rugby team.
Okay.
I think.
How different is their game of soccer or rugby or football?
It's whatever game they want it to be. Just put whatever ball.
This is an uplifting story. I thought
this would actually bring joy. They basically learned a haka
so they could impress the All Blacks
because they look up to the All Blacks. They think the All Blacks
are absolutely amazing and they're finally in their
hometown. They thought that would never happen.
Their teacher, their trainer,
their coach. It's a heartwarming story.
It's a heartwarming story. Their. It's a heartwarming story.
Their coach, they put a haka together.
Hit it.
Hit the video.
This music, Doug.
Don't smile.
The music doesn't help.
No, I can't.
I can't.
I can't. I can't.
I can't.
Go back to when my man just lets loose, bro.
Go back to when my man just lets loose, bro.
Okay.
Last time.
One more time. Why are you doing it one more time, dude?
One more time.
I'm smiling at how beautiful it is.
I don't know what you're laughing at.
I'm smiling at...
That's what I'm laughing at.
I'm laughing at that exact thing when he just lets it rip.
But here's the thing.
It's not that different from a haaka, which makes me think, oh, were the All Blacks originally cousins?
And that's why they were so much stronger than all the other rugby teams.
Right, right, right.
Because at the end of the day, it's about strength.
And everybody would talk about, oh, my God, the All Blacks are unstoppable.
They're so strong.
I mean, if you even watched Moana, The Rock's character, no neck.
Yeah.
Right?
Right.
Yeah.
Samoans might be cousins.
I think that's what I'm trying to say.
I think that's what I'm trying to say.
I feel like you're being unfair to them and also the Samoans.
Go.
Have you ever done a haka?
I don't know.
But why are you dressed like them?
Yo, Mark plays for the team.'s go okay no tell me tell me more
about my i said he looked like kermit went to prison and got tats
okay but go talk to me more about have you ever done a haka
i haven't no never have you done a haka yeah
when why when i was playing
yeah no but seriously you did a haka before your life no of course not When? Why? When I was playing. When you were playing soccer in Orlando?
No, but seriously, you did a Haka before in your life? No, of course not.
I just don't understand. But I think it's hard to do.
I feel like it's difficult to do. It don't look that hard
to be honest with you.
Just slapping your thighs and then you just fucking
scream at somebody. That's great,
dude. I'm all about it.
That's Mike Malak right there.
That guy right there with his tongue out, mouth open, just screaming.
You're telling me that wouldn't be a little intimidating?
What is more scary?
Kyle Rittenhouse walks into your parade or your march, right?
To defend my small business, obviously.
To defend your small business.
He's right in front of the 7-Eleven just waiting for someone to break in.
I love that motherfucker, Kyle Rittenhouse.
Finally, someone with some sense.
Take care of the community.
Protect everybody.
Right?
They don't give a fuck.
They don't give a fuck.
You know what I mean?
But Kyle Rittenhouse, way more dangerous, obviously, as they are for the team.
Yeah.
But if instead you just had the team of cousins doing a hock in front of your business.
Yo, I'm intimidated. You're intimidated.
I'm intimidated. These guys, yo, these guys
are going to win whatever they do, bro.
You fucking primal scream. That's all I'm saying.
I think that we should have a rent-a-cousin business where
you should be able to
when there is like a protest
or a march or something where you think destruction is going to
happen, you think they would have stormed the Capitol if those kids
were waiting right in front of it? That's your bodyguard.
We're going to take back our country.
Do you think that would have stormed the capitol if those kids were waiting right in front of it that's your body we're gonna take back our country do you think that would happen there's no way right they're like all right let's go back another day let's start january 7th right yo that
hey that should be your bodyguard yes keep it in the family get you some cousins i love that i love
that man okay enough about the cousins let's have a conversation. Everybody in the comedy community talking.
We have Michael Che, Tim Dillon, beefing a little bit online over an SNL sketch.
Michael Che is a comedian, hilarious comedian.
He's got a Netflix special.
It's really brilliant.
You should go check him out.
And he's also the head writer or co-head writer of SNL.
And then Tim Dillon, hilarious comedian.
He's got an amazing podcast.
You should go check Tim's stuff out.
I mean, I'm sure you guys know Tim.
And just brilliant appearances on Rogan and other pods, et cetera.
And they're beefing over this SNL sketch.
The SNL sketch was a Sesame Street spoof, but it was about Ted Cruz.
So it was Cruz ted cruz so it was cruise street right and
part of that is uh pete davidson playing joe rogan and uh he comes out and this is this is over this
whole beef about uh big bird coming out on twitter and saying that big bird got vaccinated and ted
cruz was very critical of that it's like why are you trying to convince kids that they should get
vaccinated as if kids watch fucking Sesame Street anymore?
I don't think kids have watched Sesame Street in 30 years, but I think we were the last generation.
No, I made a comeback.
Did it really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
My friend's kid loves Elmo.
Oh, really?
Yes.
I think it's all branded around Elmo, but it's it's big again, believe it or not.
Fair enough.
So there's this whole sketch.
Now, a small part of the sketch is the Joe Rogan part.
Yeah.
Right.
And basically, Joe Rogan comes out and he's like, what I do is I take horse pills.
I take horse drugs.
And then Big Bird's like, well, I'm not a horse.
You think I should take that?
And he's like, well, I'm a human.
I still take horse pills and blah, blah, blah.
And basically, what Tim Dillon said is there are 100 different ways to do the sketch and
have it be funny.
The show is just lazy, mediocre hacks.
Yes.
Now, I'm assuming if you're one of the writers of the sketch,
that makes you feel a way.
Yep, and then he keeps going.
The show is now just lazy, mediocre hacks
is the roughest one, I think.
But then he tweets more.
He says, people saying SNL hasn't been funny
since the 70s are wrong.
Farley, Rock, Sandler's, Myers, Norm,
Sherry O'Terry, and Molly Shannon were brilliant.
Tracy Morgan.
Also, the Hater McKinnon era was funny.
It's maybe the singular greatest U.S. comedy platform, but this sketch was bad.
And not bad because it made fun of Joe or Ivermectin, but it did it in the laziest way possible.
It was talking points and not jokes.
Comedy shows can have a point of view.
Mine does.
But it should also occasionally have comedy.
So he like, it was a tweet series.
You know what I mean? Mine does, but it should also occasionally have comedy. So he like, it was a tweet series. Yeah, it was an attack on SNL or very harsh criticism of SNL.
Yeah, yeah.
Absolutely.
So I can understand, you know, if you're Che and like that's your show and this is the show that you've been running for the last few years,
specifically the section that Tim is being critical of.
Yeah.
He's basically saying, yo, it was good before you.
Yeah.
But now with you,
the shit sucks.
That's a good ass point.
Right?
So I can understand
how you might feel
away about that.
So then Che comes out
and he goes,
LOL, you gotta be kidding me.
Tim Dillon,
exclamation point,
question mark,
exclamation point,
question mark.
What's the world coming to?
Then he has two more tweets.
One just goes,
Tim Dillon in all caps
with a question exclamation
and then one in bigger font
just says,
Tim fucking Dillon? Yeah. And then he uh he says look i don't want no trouble and then this is the screenshot right here on the far right yeah somebody was responding to uh somebody's
responding to che and basically saying hey tim dylan makes 190 uh k a month on patreon and che
goes i don't care if it's a zillion which Which is not true. If he was making a zillion,
we would all care.
A zillion dollars?
You don't care if it's a zillion?
You don't care if there's a person making a zillion
dollars.
If they were literally making one zillion
dollars on Patreon, you wouldn't care at all.
You'd still be making Big Bird sketches
if you knew you could make a zillion dollars
on fucking Patreon. that's not true that's not true but uh uh he goes he goes he goes
che goes i know tim dylan and he ain't what you think he is he's a sweet humble guy who really
tried at stand-up got nowhere became a media personality because it's much easier and we're all very happy for him but don't get fresh tim whoa whoa now then
there's a response somebody dms him and says he's selling out theaters on tour right now
i'm a fan of both yours mind you it's him and sam talent doing a theater tour he just sold out the
beacon and chase said and we're all very proud of him and you know i don't want no trouble but in
the words of prodigy and then he does a uh Prodigy, some lyric from a song that I honestly don't remember
because I couldn't screenshot that.
But then Tim responds on Twitter to that.
He says, here's the reality.
I sell more tickets than Michael Che ever has,
and I built something on my own that he could never do.
Che has done well for a drunk who can barely read,
but his show sucks
and he knows it and then che says all fair points and i'm very proud of him i don't want no trouble
which i thought is a funny back and forth on both your ends yes uh and then he said seriously folks
what's the world coming to che did and then he said there's so many white guys of a certain size
in my dms right now right and they both just go on to kind of backtrack a little bit. Okay, what are you guys' thoughts?
Can't y'all both just be funny?
I don't know.
Che, you're on top, dude.
You don't got to worry about if somebody, not beneath you,
but you've been a guy at SNL for eight years.
If a guy that is popping off now and got hot in the last couple years
is taking shots at a show you work on yeah
i can see how you get defensive but also you that show doesn't let you do you right you're not going
to get to do the same shit on your netflix special that that drops on tuesday as you would on the
sketch the netflix special is you this is what nbc will let you put out right right right yeah i i
i think this is Che promoting a special.
You know what?
That's a good point.
There's no chance he gives a fuck.
He don't care.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is Che promoting a special.
The special also comes out when?
Tomorrow?
Tomorrow.
Today when this podcast comes out.
Yeah, of course.
So you're going to engage in a beef.
You don't have a podcast.
You're not necessarily going out and doing podcasts and all these other platforms.
You still have to drum up interest for your special.
Right, right, right.
It's not like throwing a billboard up in fucking Times Square does anything anymore.
Yeah, yeah.
You've got to drum up interest.
It's pretty convenient that a day before the special comes out or two days before the special comes out,
there's a beef with one of the biggest comedic media personalities.
Yeah.
And he gave you the alley-oop. Right. I'm going to text it, Dylan. I was like, yo, you gaveic media personalities. Yeah. And he gave you the alley-oop.
Right.
I'm going to text it, Dylan.
I was like, yo, you gave him every opportunity.
Yeah.
Because everybody's going to go to his Instagram to look at what the beef is about.
And I promise you, there's probably just one picture saying my special comes out the 16th.
Yeah.
Like, I bet.
I didn't see what his thing looked like.
I guarantee.
It is exactly what it is.
Okay.
Of course.
Jay's smart. Yeah. This guy is exactly what it is. Okay, of course. Jay's smart.
Yeah.
This guy is smart.
Yeah, he's really fucking smart.
He didn't accidentally become the fucking co-head writer of SNL.
You do that because you're smart.
So, shit.
I mean, if he was, that's literally all it is.
It's one box.
This is hilarious.
And that's the name of the special.
Shane the Devil.
Love it.
This is genius. This is like rap tactics. You got the album coming out start the beef yeah what would what would kanye do what
would 50 cent do yeah right what would eminem do yeah this is classic rap tactics brought into the
comedy world start the conversation now motherfuckers gonna hate watch the special yep all
the tim's fans gonna come out here like man'm going to show you who's not funny.
I'm going to show you who's a what do you call him?
A failed comic or something like that.
Yeah.
And then all those people count his streams.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
YouTube took away the dislike button.
Yeah.
They can't even dislike his shit if he puts out the trailer on YouTube.
Yeah.
Like this is.
This is not the first time that a comic, probably even Tim, has criticized SNL.
It happens all every week.
Comics say the fucking show sucks.
Yeah.
Every week.
Yeah.
It's almost like it's become exhausting for comics to shit on it.
Yeah.
Like I'm getting exhausted by it.
And I think the reason is, is because like a lot of comics hold it in such high regard yeah so
like by being maybe rejected or not included in something that they hold you know as such an
important institution in comedy hurts a lot so when you see it starting to struggle and kind of
not doing that well like the numbers aren't what they used to be and just that's nature of like a
changing uh sense of uh to your point i'm i'm pretty sure Che's not going to be, I think this, is this his last season on SNL?
I don't think he's going to be there that much longer.
Who fucking knows?
He's got his own show on HBO.
I can't imagine you can juggle them both forever.
He's been leaving SNL for the last five years.
Every time I talk to him, I'm like, is it over yet?
Now he got his HBO show though.
So he could pour himself into that.
Right.
So I think this might be his actual, I assume he's leaving by next year.
So, who cares if, just, i think now you got your hbo show now you got your netflix special i don't know how much
long you keep doing all three you're gonna focus on the you shit so to that point you wouldn't
really care if somebody's shit on the show you're leaving a hunch and akash is right with his son
my hunches are the nicest bro i'd be having hunches but who fucking knows you're saying
there's other opportunities for him.
I'm saying why would he be that protective of a show that he's probably leaving?
Like, you got two other...
Nobody's shitting on the Michael Chase show.
You're always going to be protective over the things that you make.
Everybody's susceptible to criticism.
If somebody shits over something that's yours, you're going to...
I'm trying to agree with you.
You know what I mean?
I'm just saying.
Fuck.
Let me agree with you.
No, no, no.
Yeah.
No, no, no.
What I'm saying is...
I understand what you're saying.
I'm not saying he's necessarily going to leave.
I don't think that he'll leave.
But that's just my personal opinion.
As much as I try to tell him to leave.
Yeah.
I don't think it will happen.
Right.
Mark, what are your thoughts?
Yeah.
I mean, same exact thing.
I think they both benefit in the beef because Tim's fans will be like,
yo, we went up against the head writer of SNL, the old institution,
and we won.
Yeah.
So we're the best. it validates their you know fan base and then che is going to get all
the streams and he's probably going to get some residual fans that are like oh it actually was
not bad like i actually enjoyed it chinese people to see how funny he is because that's the thing
he's funny you're going to watch the special and even if you don't like what he had to say about
you gotta respect you're gonna go no no he's good that's my point even if you're hate watching you
go like oh it's pretty good there's gonna be a percentage
of those fans
he knows he got the goods
so he can have the beef
yeah
I do think that
it was unfair
of him to say
I think there's a couple things
that are going on
that are unfair
I think it's unfair
of him to say
and it's almost like a
it's almost like a
cardinal sin
like
to say
you're saying to another comic
that they failed
now
so now Tim is also saying that the show is hack.
That's huge.
If he didn't use the word...
He said the show is just unfunny hacks now.
Exactly.
So he said the writers are hacks.
So he said you're a hack.
So they both kind of cross the line.
Now, this is comedy culture.
There's certain things you're kind of not allowed to say to one another.
Like you're busting balls at the table.
You don't talk really about someone's act.
If somebody gets into like their act
and someone being hacky
or someone doing that,
that's where shit
is actually important.
You're talking about
somebody's jeans,
somebody's fucking hair,
someone's jacket, whatever.
We're having fun.
But once you start
going into that one thing
that we're all very sensitive
and care about,
now you're giving license
for you to go the fuck in.
Right, it's real then.
Exactly.
Yo, separate note,
I gotta say thank you to the city of Chicago for showing up for us last weekend.
That was fucking unbelievable.
Yeah, I bet.
Yeah, man.
We're at the Chicago Theater.
That's incredible.
And that's the biggest venue I've ever done.
Really?
3,500 people, I think.
And we did that shit twice.
And it was just so unreal.
Like, love was crazy. In the city, the love was crazy. And it was just so unreal. Like, love was crazy in the city.
The love was crazy.
Chicago has always held me down.
And like, I don't know, man, I just I just really appreciate it.
It was meant a lot.
And that's an iconic venue.
Yeah.
You know, and yeah.
And shout out to Mateo for coming out, man.
Mateo came out and fucking murdered it.
Killed it.
He killed that shit.
He was doing he was singing
mariah carey's uh all i want for christmas man and that was just so much fun it was just great
and ben askren came through oh yeah shout out to askren man oh yeah yeah that motherfucker grabbed
me like he was fucking around but he grabbed me like grabbed my arm and like locked his like
fingers around it yeah you got scared i got strong i didn't think he was gonna do anything but like i wouldn't have a choice if he was that's my bitcoin brother that's right yeah he's telling
me he's like man i'm gonna get you into that shit 100 i'm like this motherfucker already got me in
so we had a little combo about that but it was just a cool weekend man thank you everybody coming
out and um yo this weekend we're gonna be in minneapolis and fargo minneapolis both shows
sold out.
If you bought tickets to the Minneapolis show before the pandemic, one of them is a pre
pandemic show.
So I know some of y'all listening right now, y'all probably maybe even forgot that you
bought those tickets.
Well, those are the ones we're honoring that show date.
So make sure you go check that shit out.
If you got homies that got it, check that shit out.
Uh, we'll be there Saturday for two shows Fargo.
Then we're going to be up in that.
I'm excited to go to Fargo, man.
I know a lot of people don't say that, but I am.
And yeah, so go get that shit.
Go get tickets.
If you don't sell out the show in Fargo, and by you, I mean me, I'll never go to Fargo again.
But I will be so insulted because I know there's nothing else going on.
That's a good point.
You're just making a choice to be bored over me.
Yeah.
Sit at home and do nothing or come to me.
So that would break my fucking heart.
If you did that Fargo, I'll see you there.
If you're in either of the Dakotas, you drive your ass.
I don't care how far it is.
Okay.
How often are we in the Dakotas?
Make it happen.
Um, and then after that, we're going to be a laughing spree fest in December. We're gonna be Laughing Spree Fest In December
We're down there
In Boca Raton, Florida
Jacksonville
As well that weekend
The 5th of December
Boston for New Year's Eve
And then we added
A bunch more shows
Portland
Seattle
Oxnard
Sacramento
Brea, California
Coachella, California
San Jose
Toronto was crazy
We did the Toronto shows
Man, the first show sold out in like fucking 7 minutes
I think the second show
Is pretty much sold out as well
This shit is absolutely nuts
Toronto, thank y'all so much
New Orleans, Pittsburgh is available as well
We lit up Pittsburgh
So you can go check that out, we're coming to the Berg
New York City, we added a second show, Radio City
Go get them tickets, and then Atlantic City is the last date in America for the Infamous Tour.
I said in America for the Infamous Tour, and that's all I'll say about that.
Akash, what you got?
Yo, first of all, thank you to everybody who came out in Fairfield.
I was surprised that many people came to the fucking show in Fairfield.
It was good.
Also, shouts to Lisa Lampanelli.
She came and hung out backstage. They were like, hey, Lisa Lampanelli. She came and hung out backstage.
They were like, hey, Lisa Lampanelli wants to come hang out.
Are you cool with that?
And I was like, yeah, of course.
What's the bitch doing here?
But she was cool as fuck.
Thank you, legend.
That was dope.
Watched the whole set.
She's very complimentary.
Thank you so much.
These two days after Thanksgiving, the 26th and 27th, Friday and Saturday, I'm going to be at Zany's in Nashville.
Let's come through.
Let's fucking party.
We'll go to Prince's afterward.
December 9th through 11th, I'm at the Comedy Loft in D.C.
Next year, January 7th and 8th, I'm coming home to Dallas in Hyenas.
You better sell out these fucking shows.
January 27th through 29th, I'm at the Comedy Vault in Batavia, Illinois.
Like Andrew said about Fargo, I guarantee you there's nothing else in Batavia.
Take your ass there.
And February 3rd and 4th, I'm going to be in Richmond, Virginia at Sandman Comedy Club.
Get your tickets at akashsingh.com.
Let's get back to the show.
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because I want to make sure that you are satisfying the woman you love.
Okay?
And, ladies, I want to make sure you're getting satisfied the way we're going to do that is by making sure that your man and fellas making sure you got the hardest dick on the planet and
there's one way to do it and that's blue chew okay you deserve to drop dick off in the most effective
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You get it for free. Just pay the $5 shipping. dickier life. Enjoy. Now let's get back to the show. It's a tricky thing.
Now the, the section of the sketch, this is what's interesting. The sketch itself. If you
watch the whole sketch, I actually didn't think it was bad. Like there's a part with Bert and Ernie
that is actually very funny. Like I'm looking at the writing and I'm going into it defensive of Joe.
You know what I mean? You know, Joe's my guy guy so if anybody's being critical of joe i'm like man fuck
you right yeah the guy did so much for me so obviously but i watched the whole thing and i
was like okay there's a couple funny moments the joe thing sucks sucks there's no joke it's really
bad i take horse medicine which we already disproved yeah it's like that would have worked
the week it came out. Maybe.
The shit he's eating, just make it elk.
Like make it a little bit funnier of a hacky joke.
But you see what I'm saying about specifically like it's just dated.
Yeah.
Bro, I don't know if Che's this much of a mastermind,
but part of me thought like he did that shit on purpose.
Here's what's interesting.
Write a shitty Joe sketch, right? You're going to have all the people who fuck with and defend Joe like he did that shit on purpose here's what's interesting joe sketch right you're gonna have
all the people who fuck with and defend joe shit on that the whole internet's gonna start talking
they don't have trump to criticize anymore right so you can't go after trump you need the new
version of that you need the new divisive guy the new divisive guy now cnn is trying to do it is
joe joe you make the show about joe and then you make it
if he's a true mastermind right you make it criticizable yeah unfair you make it unfair
it's a super funny pointed like parody then everyone goes oh yeah that's funny if it's
hilarious you gotta give it up it doesn't make any news if it's not if it's straight kind of
hacky right like trust me if chase on stage that's not the joke he's making
about horse team yeah no way i and maybe i say it's because i think he's truly a great comedic
mind yeah i know for a fact that's not the joke yeah there's no you know to your point yeah snl
that's the 47 seconds they put online on twitter tim dylan is responding to a tweet that snl put out oh so that's where i'm
like because i was like before you said that i was like why would snl put that out that's the 47
seconds you want it out maybe you're right maybe it is this will get everybody talking about us it
puts us back in the spotlight as snl you always need people talking about you and then if you're
chay you're like yeah cool when comics go at it i'm hey i'm i'm gonna use that yeah and i get to promote my shit yeah yeah yeah that is if he's
a mastermind look best case scenario is or like most uh genius chess move is doing it and leaking
it on purpose or specifically choosing that purpose yeah worst case is they just need people
to talk about the show and if you talk about the motherfucking man who's in charge right now.
Yeah.
Joe, there's going to have a conversation.
We're having a conversation about it right now.
Yeah.
We talk about that shit.
Now, we're talking a little about this yesterday.
You had an interesting point about like both of their potential sensitivities.
And I thought you speak on it a little bit more.
I thought it was interesting.
So I guess the point that I was trying to extrapolate is like tim is so much made outside of the industry and his whole
audience is just basically like almost grassroots and it exists behind patreon and it's like all his
thing he has full ownership whereas jay was like brought into this pre-existing institution in the
system and he's just a part of it yes and so a lot of his fans i think initially probably came
from snl that were fans of snl and then became fans of him right so he has to like sort of moderate public perception a lot
more because he's been grandfathered into this pre-existing system whereas tim is sort of outside
of that criticism from like critics and like reviewers and articles and shit like that because
he already has such like a prominent like diehard fan base so basically in other words like che can get fired right and his fans came to him
through the show and the institution right so they're not going to stop watching the institution
right they're not going to stop being snl fans right matter of fact if you if che don't give
them anything new they might stop being che fans so che is locked to the institution and he's got
his fans that he got outside of that and some will rock with him but much less than the the the mountain of fans that are watching snl and we are critical of snl's
numbers but it's still a very big popular show there's no question right so so i understand why
he has to and i think there's what mark's saying why he has to respond to public criticism more
because public criticism is what could get him fired yeah i mean him and
shane are in very different situations but public criticism is the reason why shane's not on the
show yeah public criticism is probably the reason why everybody who's been fired off the show is
fired off the show yeah a few sketches come out people like yeah that person's not that funny and
then lauren's like i guess that person ain't that fucking funny yeah audio see you later so you got
to manage public perception someone's coming at you you got to make them radioactive or cut their legs out.
That person has a criticism that people seem to agree with.
You got to be like, well, why is this person able to critique?
You're going to listen to this guy?
You got to assassinate the character.
It's like a Me Too.
You know what I mean?
If this girl's saying you did some shit, you got to go portnoy.
You know what I mean?
Buy the champagne bottles and grave them. You got to go at the funny. You got to go at shit, you got to go pornoid. You know what I mean? Buy the champagne bottles and grave them.
You got to go at the funny.
You got to go at it.
You got to go at the validity.
Yep.
Right.
So I understand.
And I thought that was really a poignant observation.
And whereas Tim, on the other hand, is used to criticism of him,
but doesn't have to care as much as long as that criticism isn't coming from his fans.
As long as his fans are appeased
he can't get fired. Yeah I didn't know that Miles
had the little
headphones in and it sounded like
he had his hand over his
ears and he's bending down
and I was like
am I so boring that
you have a headache?
Like that's
literally he was bent over like this.
Like I cannot listen to another fucking word
of this guy speak.
And then he took his hands off
and then thank God there were like little air pots.
Okay, Miles,
you almost really made me feel horrible right there.
I felt like Michael Che was mine too.
Tim Dillon tweets here.
Miles isn't funny.
Yeah, so you understand why Che is reacting oftentimes to these critics, etc.
Now, I assume that he's doing that for game.
Yeah.
I assume he knows he could rile up the internet and when it's time to rile up the internet about something that he has coming out, maybe it's his show.
Maybe it's a special.
Maybe it's some project.
Maybe it's a tour that he's doing.
Something.
I think he knows how to
engage and do that right and i think that's a sophisticated chess move from a guy who doesn't
have a mouthpiece to really promote his stuff he also has the shield of the institution so like
people can criticize snl and he can either just not take the bait be like yeah that's snl i wasn't
involved whatever or if they do criticize snl all of a sudden he can make it personal and be like
no that's my thing that you're coming out yeah tim never said anything about chay but if you're
saying that the show is is hack stuff and he's the head writer it's going to reflect ultimately
on him but he can choose to not opt in like if you're coming at him going like yo michael chay
is the worst whatever yeah then you kind of have to respond if somebody shits on flagrant 2 i want
to respond right yeah but you're much more intimate this is andrew schultz's flagrant 2 i want to respond right yeah but you're much more intimate this is andrew schultz
flagrant 2 is not michael chase snl but if he's the responsible party for the writing on the show
if he's the one that greenlights all the thing it's like a sub it's like responding to a sub
as a rapper you don't have to respond to a sub he didn't say michael chase none funny hack son
but if but if sorry to cut you but if somebody shits on rockefeller records
jay-z gotta feel a way about jay-zZ made Rockefeller Records. Jay-Z is the owner.
Him and Dame founded that shit.
That's a good point.
He created it.
It's like Mem Bleak being like,
yo, how fucking dare you come at Rock?
And they're probably criticizing
Mem for particular,
but point is,
it's like-
I see what you're saying.
There's a little bit more distance,
but you're still going to
personalize something that you-
You can personalize it.
That you are 100% tied to.
For example,
if the biggest thing you're known for
is this institution, and you take thing you're known for is this institution
and you take responsibility
for what's happening
in the institution,
even if the institution
supersedes you,
that's the biggest thing
you're known for.
If someone shits on India,
do you know what I'm saying?
If someone shits on my favorite
basketball team,
I'm defensive.
Right?
We get defensive
over the things
that we relate to.
But I haven't been spending
five years saying
I'm going to leave India.
This is my last year on India.
Right, right.
I mean, I think it's probably marketing.
And we say this all the time.
If somebody takes a little shot, it's like, yo, that guy's not even worth it.
Don't respond.
We say that to each other.
This guy's not worth it.
That's not worth it.
Why would you get into that?
But it is worth it if you got some shit to promote.
It's very worth it.
Yeah.
It's very worth it.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's interesting. I bring that up just to say he's positioned worth it yeah it's very worth it yeah yeah it's interesting
i bring that up just to say he's positioned in a cool way where he can either choose to opt in or
choose to not engage yeah and he took this time to engage you know what's funny is is the way that
he did it now i know chase plugged in he's a comic so he has to know what's happening in the world
and he has to know the shifting of the guard and how like you know traditional tv shows aren't
really doing what they used to do they're not doing that for people's careers etc and um i thought it was a little while to say the shit
about the and again you know tim's open it up with the hacks but there's a little while to say
he's a failed comic because like what how do you judge the the success of a comic yeah right like
well sorry he's going at so uh dylan went at chase material at the end of the day that's
something che wrote head writer went his material chase going at dylan's material right back at him
saying don't get fresh tim you're not a comic like i'm a comic that's not to say he's not going at
his audiences what makes someone a successful i'm saying it's also unfair it's chase saying
you're not a good writer basically say that because the what makes somebody a successful
comic right like there are people that we might not appreciate their comedy i agree was the the
the muppet guy done i've done them yeah but fire the guy is doing arenas yeah right yeah i don't
know if dice was like the most clever writer or something exactly fucking did msg right so it's like there
are different versions of stand-up we all have the types of stand-up that we like right and i'm
i yeah i'm like uh an extremist you know i mean when it comes to that shit i'm malcolm yeah you
know like i know there's i'm martin when it comes to certain things but i'm malcolm when it comes to
this stand-up shit yeah right so it's like i I'm not very open-minded about the stand-up that I don't love.
Right.
Right.
Right?
But that doesn't mean that there aren't these motherfuckers that are out here doing huge tours.
Killing it.
Yeah.
Those people are successful as a comic.
Yeah.
At the end of the day, and this is the tough thing, I think, for a lot of industry folks.
And I think this is something that Tim tapped in on that is probably painful.
I don't know.
I can't decide how someone feels if
they're upset but like
when Tim was talking about selling tickets
and selling more tickets and
it's just like there's one metric
that you can really tell if people
fuck with you or not and that's if they
leave their house to see you
the industry can inflate
people and make us think that they're superstars
and shit like that they can inflate the bank account.
It can inflate the bank.
Oh, absolutely.
But in terms of stand-up comedy, doing comedy in front of people, that is the game.
You do a special one every few years.
The game is going out in front of people.
Do people leave their house, get a babysitter, get a fucking Uber, put on a nice outfit,
buy some drinks, food to come see you?
That is, to me, the one true metric if you are
succeeding in that craft and it can drive you crazy as a comedy purist or even a music purist
in the music industry to see guys who you don't find as pure selling wild tickets more than you
can i be honest with you huh my understanding is lil nas x can't sell 4,000 tickets in a market.
Lil Nas X is one of the biggest music stars on the planet.
Yeah.
My understanding from music insider, I'll keep that quiet is he can't do 4,000 tickets.
Now that is as industry as you can get,
right?
Yeah.
Like Lil Nas X is part of the fabric he's part of the
industry industry pushing him getting radio play all this kind of stuff and dope stuff and brilliant
at working instagram and tiktok and brilliant at marketing like the songs are fire too i fucks with
it but if you're not moving more than 4 000 tickets how much do people really fuck with you
yeah but that's tricky when it comes to comedy though go i mean because like for example patrice o'neill yep was like legendary comic your favorite yep but
wasn't not very successful like he was pretty successful but not very successful right he
wasn't doing like chris rock said that shit right to his face on uh on uh yeah that was a fucking
this is one of the most legendary go look at this up right now on youtube if you can and it was real talk and nobody i imagine nobody talked to to to patrice like this yeah but chris literally told him he's
like bro nobody nobody here is funnier than you we're they're all sitting down i think it was like
norton this is yeah this is opening anthony and then chris rock and chris rock was i guess doing
opening anthony show maybe to promote some dates or something like that and he goes nobody here is
funnier than you but are your shows sold out this weekend how many shows are you doing
this week what shows are you doing what club are you at how many people are in the club like he
started bringing up numbers like who's coming out to see nobody here's funny so you can keep doing
all this shit about like how real you want to do you don't want to do the industry all that kind
of stuff and i think chris rock said something goes i just don't want to do morning radio yeah
like that's how successful i want to be like i don't even want to be here
yeah but he like laid it down right in front of him yeah and this was at a time like patrice would
thrive in a time like right now because he would have podcasts i mean he did have one earlier but
it wasn't part of the culture but like he would thrive where you could just give him to the people
and like takes every single day and he would fucking kill but at that time you had to play
the game. Yeah.
Cause that was the only way to get in front of people.
And Chris told him we,
when I had everybody hates Chris,
I wanted you to play young Chris's dad.
Oh yeah. I wanted you,
but I,
he,
you weren't as professional as Terry Cruz.
I knew Terry would be more willing to listen,
easier to work with.
You didn't know the lines.
You didn't know the lines.
He tells him like,
I wanted to give it to you and you fucked it up.
And I looked at this guy who wasn't as funny
but was more professional
and that's who I went with
it's a fucking
this is my goat
painful listen
this is my goat
but I can recognize
that there's a difference
in success
right but that doesn't
necessarily take away
from his ability as a comic
that's true
but some people
hate his comedy
right cause comedy
is obviously gonna be subjective
and it's tough for Patrice
to hate on another comic
who's out selling him
cause that comic can just go,
where are you at this weekend?
Comics?
270?
Cool, I'm going to be at Gramercy.
Or I'm going to be at fucking The Beacon or Radio City.
Well, I'll see you there.
You want a ticket to get backstage?
I'll let you go.
Makes sense.
I mean, it's a Trump card, certainly.
But I don't know if that's necessarily the only metric you can look at.
No, no, no.
There's not one metric that you can look at in terms of success.
Not at all.
Not everybody wants to be that successful.
Success is also something that has to do with your own career.
Yeah.
Right?
Like maybe success for you is just not having a day job.
Right.
And that's just what you work for and like being able to do spots at the Cellar and New York Comedy Club.
There's a lot of comics that that's all they want to do.
That's all they want to do.
Right?
And that's great because that's success for them.
I'm talking about success in the grand scheme of things in terms of like who are like the top 20 touring comedians and at the end of the day whether you like it or not like we're just
gonna be honest as comics like we all know who's on that list yeah we do we all want to be on that
nobody gets in this game going i never want to do a theater yeah i never want to do madison square
garden i never no no comic has ever fucking said that in history they might do it and go it's not
as fun as the clubs but you want to know that you walked away from it.
Yeah.
Not that you could never do it.
Yeah.
And those are different things.
And you can take,
you can, again,
you can take shots at guys
who are selling crazy tickets
and be like,
ah, he does this,
that's not that great.
But on a binary funny,
not funny,
if you're selling out theaters,
I got to give you funny.
I cannot say you're a failed comedian.
Yeah, that's true.
I'm going to keep it with a buck.
If you're doing theaters comedian and i'll yeah that's true i'm gonna keep it a buck if you're doing
theaters for a while that's where you gotta give it up everybody gets one run there are comics that
might get one run and then people go see it and then the jig is up yeah it was almost like they
paid for a meet and greet yeah but you a motherfucker like jim gaffigan brian regan
fucking legends these guys have been doing theaters for decades that means the people
come out and they're like this was a sensational performance yeah i'm gonna keep coming out yeah
like bro the reason why i want our show to be the most incredible experience that people have had is because that's the
longevity like these people there's comics that they get famous they just want to catch a lick
and they do one round of touring and the next the next round ain't like that we've been very lucky
that like every time we go back on tour it's been a double up that goes back from like me
performing for 15 fucking people in Minneapolis,
Minnesota.
And the next time comes,
okay,
there's 50.
And I come back there.
Okay,
we got 150.
The next time,
oh shit,
we're doing a theater here.
It's got to keep on building.
Because if it's not keep on building,
that's what's happening.
That is showing,
hey,
maybe the comedy isn't there.
Yeah.
But in terms of people leaving their house to go see you.
Yeah.
I think that's a metric of success.
Yeah.
I think it's a metric of success.
Yeah.
And also, I mean, you can see you can say you don't care about the Patreon number.
But if you make it one hundred eighty eight thousand, whatever is one hundred ninety thousand.
That's a lot of fucking people that are saying i want to pay to
hear this guy yeah so i guess you can say he's a failed stand-up comic i know because you say he's
not if he's a fail but when you add that with i'm selling out theaters and the fucking line that's
kind of rough is i've sold more tickets than you ever have i am selling right now more tickets than
you ever have it's like yeah man i can't i can't really knock it anymore i think i'm a funnier comic than
you you might be if that's the case then it's undeniable more people want to see if that's the
case i don't know if that's the case but if that is the case more people want to go see tim dillon
do stand-up than michael chay i don't know that's true i don't know who sells more tickets michael
chay or tim dillon true uh all i know is that uh we sell more tickets than both of those losers. You guys both lack success.
When we say we, we mean Andrew.
Yeah, that's what we mean.
But we speak in we's over here, okay?
Step it up, both of you.
I'll be at Zany's after Thanksgiving.
You guys ought to come through.
Director hated me.
No, stop beefing, y'all.
We love both of you, And I hate to see it.
Even though I like it.
It's fun to have a little drama in the comedy world.
They probably both know what it is.
It's good for both of them.
Like you said, they're both probably having some fun.
It's just like there's a couple words that are out there that are in comedy art.
It's tough to have handshakes after that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean?
The hack and then failed.
Calling someone a hack is tough.
And then calling someone a failed comic is tough.
Yeah.
It's hard to just be like, man, we playing yeah that those are tricky things so i hope that
they could squash that shit and eventually they will uh any last thoughts duff production side
hollywood side what is your what is your thought i mean to your point it it definitely is going to
benefit him tomorrow when the special drops but i'm watching you think about it yeah your point
about dylan
has the podcast and can drive people to the theaters and this whole thing of like having
multiple things chase a head writer of snl snl has 12 million youtube uh followers 5 million
instagram followers and they're not pushing his special one bit even if it is on netflix you
would think like you'd get some support from the machine but like jay it just shows like he needs this that's interesting that's interesting yeah
you yeah that's interesting you could be the head writer of this institution but because that
institution is competing with another institution they cannot promote your shit yeah so you have to
no matter i mean this is just a perfect example what's going on the game right now you have to
have another outlet and if you're not using your Instagram to like put up content or make it
a place where people can see you. Right. I mean, like if there's no pictures or images or videos
on your Instagram, why follow? You have to have content. What's the purpose, right? So if you
can't push people to your special through the Instagram, you can't do it through Twitter. I
don't even know if Che's on Twitter, right? You handcuffed yeah it's like you almost gotta go with the beef strategy yeah you gotta stir some
shit up because that's the only other way you can't just go on a podcast and be like yo I got
a special coming out yeah and this is great because it's so close to the special you're
gonna hate watch it immediately yeah because you're not gonna have time to forget and then
it just the algorithm just gonna push it up and up and up and you can't go on Rogan after that
like it is very limited the promotional opportunities go but some people
follow che for the post and delete like even though he doesn't have like regular content up
like they want to see like oh he's got a thing going on he's like talking about this thing then
he deletes it so i have to follow him in order to see it i see i see so like strategically it
might be another angle it creates like a scarcity yeah Yeah. I see. I see what you're saying.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, look, the kid is sharp, man.
Yeah.
And I think this special is going to be really good.
He's had years to put in.
Like, I think it's going to be good.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, the normal progress is like,
you're the head writer of SNL.
Eventually, I don't think he's going to leave it fully.
Maybe he relinquishes that, just becomes, you know,
someone who comes in to get featured on a bit here or there.
But they all want to then become so big outside of it and then return as a
host.
Yeah.
It's all,
it's also hard to leave it,
man.
Like that's another thing.
Like the way that the way that Jay was,
and then we'll wrap this up.
We already talked long enough about these guys who can't sell no tickets,
man.
These club acts.
We already talked long enough about these club acts.
You know what i mean
you sold more tickets than they ever had i insert myself in the beef
they just team up and clobber me no um but uh but that that was an interesting thing that
when when he was going like tim dillon question mark question mark, exclamation point, like, who is this?
Like, who is this person talking?
This is what's interesting about that.
Now, Che is aware
of what's happening in the world
because of his proximity to comedy.
But if he was just a person
who was like in Hollywood,
like doing this film
is one of the most fascinating experiences
in the world.
Hollywood will be,
the people who like run Hollywood
will be the last people to know
that it's failed.
Yeah. Or that the model has changed. Right. You know, it's like Hollywood will be the last people to know that it's failed. Yeah.
Or that the model has changed.
Right.
You know, it's like the emperor is the last one to know that the kingdom has fallen.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like it's it's basically what happens is like you're encased with a group of people like you're in your little bubble.
Yeah.
And nobody is really valuing anything outside the bubble.
Like everybody's convinced that that bubble is the most important thing in the world i'm sure we do with podcasting and youtube and stand-up as
well like we all think stand-up is so fucking important and the whole world is going to crumble
without it but the average person is like wait chapelle was talking about training what are you
talking about like it just means nothing to them right but like and on that film the people that
are like in the film the people like the actors and like the head producer, that kind of those kind of people like that, they have no clue what we're doing.
Right now, I'm not trying to like define stuff in terms of like money, but like we're probably making more money than most people in that film.
I'm like, if that's success, like, but they don't know that this is even a thing.
They're like, Oh,
a podcast.
Yeah.
My nephew has a podcast.
Everybody has a pot.
Like they don't understand really like what's shifting culture now because
they're so wrapped up in what is Hollywood and what is filmmaking.
Yeah.
The people who do know me or what we got going on over here,
the key grips,
the catering,
the lighting guys,
like all the regular people know what's happened.
They know what's shifted.
Right?
Right.
But the people in the castle?
They're like the guys defending the wall in Game of Thrones.
They're the first motherfuckers.
Yeah.
Right?
TSA sees Andrew's business in first class.
TSA knows who the fuck we are.
People in first class might not.
Right, right, right.
You know what I'm saying?
But the people, it's Fight Club, dog.
And they're like, yo, White Walkers are out there.
And the industry's like, come on with that shit, yo.
Right?
Come on.
Cersei Lannister is about to get her whole fucking King's Landing torch.
Yeah.
So it's just very interesting to see how culture shifts.
And it does always shift with the people.
And that's something that we got to make sure that is very important for us.
Like as we grow and we start to have the opportunity to
live in castles that we don't do it once we have the opportunity to live in that yo it's cushy in
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Now let's get back to the show.
This is something I think I was talking to you the other day with Mark,
and I was like, I got to keep consuming.
I don't know if I was maybe talking on the podcast about this,
or maybe it was just you, but I got to keep consuming.
It's easy to go home and just chill with my girl and have a great meal
and love up on each other and watch a show.
No, I got to watch Succession because y'all are watching it.
I got to listen to the fucking Wall Street Journal every morning,
the daily 15 minutes
what's going on because y'all are paying attention not only y'all but the people at home are paying
attention what's going on in the markets right it's easy with success to i mean i'm not being
critical i understand it but like you know seeing what happened with eddie murphy like being so
removed yeah from life so removed from culture he's probably happier
because of it
yep
but I still want to fight
yeah yeah
and in order to fight
we got to train
you want longevity
you stay plugged in
Chris Rock stays plugged the fuck in
Dave Chappelle
reading the fucking newspaper
every single day
Dave read it
I'm sure
on everything
or like conversations with people
it's like
we got to keep going bro
yeah
like
it's just
and this is what
and you see what happens to the people that don't.
And they just continue to surround themselves with people who also aren't.
Yeah.
And now they're just living in a castle and having no fucking clue that there's a rebellion happening outside.
Yeah.
I don't think that's Jay because he's a comic.
He knows what's going on in the world.
Yeah, he's a comic first.
But I do know that there are people in the industry.
Yeah.
That do believe that.
Yeah.
And they have no fucking clue.
And the criticism, they just wipe off because like, why would we even care?
They're not even making TV shows.
They're not even doing this.
It don't matter anymore.
What do you say to $188K a month, though?
Or $190K or whatever it is.
What do you say to that?
When you find out somebody's making that much a month on a podcast.
Because it was said $190K, but he just keeps bringing up $188K.
So you went to go check the Patreon.
No, I don't know.
Because, you know, Patreon numbers aren't always accurate.
So sometimes, guys, ours are actually higher than what you're seeing.
But I'm just saying, what do you say to one guy getting that?
You're going to say he's not doing nothing?
That's $2.5 million on a podcast Patreon.
Yeah, you know how many people would quit comedy for that?
Yeah, 100%. You know how many people would quit comedy for that yeah 100 you know how
many people would love to fail at comedy that way oh my god dude i guarantee most of the people that
are doing comedy would love to fail it yeah i'm a failed comic who's uh got an account with golden
sex fail at comedy and have a patreon that's doing those type of numbers and tour theaters
yeah that seems like a pretty good way to fail yeah you failed up hard as fuck i think it's inevitable though it's gonna happen like and also to to you know for uh to defend
like to not be able to read and become the head writer so now that's also a pretty good thing too
like i think they're both maxing out they're both they're both maxing out their failure
the response to you're a drunk who can barely read
and just say fair point, that's really funny to me
all fair points
he couldn't read it, that's why he said fair point
he's just like
these seem good, I think he was probably being complimentary
no
what were you about to say Mark?
I just think it's inevitable, there's TikTok kids
making crazy money, super successful
I don't even know there'ser is doing shit i was talking to
mateo he was like oh yeah you know bob the drag queen i was like no doing theaters for the last
like 20 years yeah like ultra famous whatever just i'm not aware of it yeah but it's up to us to stay
plugged into it yeah and you are more aware of it than the average person i think you're maybe less
aware than like one of the people that's in that community and finds that important.
Right.
But like in terms of what's going on, you know, I think you kind of plugged in.
I mean, aware is like the exact word, though.
Like I'm not plugged in to like different communities that are outside of my interest.
Like Chifty is plugged in.
Even if it's not in his community, he knows what the fuck is going on.
Maybe, yeah.
You see him hating?
Can Chifty live? He can't even be good at tiktoking no you can't just let him be better than you but my point is that everyone's outside of their own little community i know that is what
the internet has created yeah right and um yeah it's it's we just can't we just can't fall victim
to success yeah and and discredit anything that we don't know about.
Right.
And it's very easy to do that.
Yeah.
To just be like, oh, yeah, they're like a Twitch streamer.
Who cares?
Yeah.
But then once you see them numbers, you go, oh, shit.
Yeah.
Why are we not on Twitch?
100%.
At the very least, this guy doing something.
Yeah.
Aiden Ross failing at something very well.
I don't know what he failed something.
He failed something. Yeah. And I need to figure out what that thing is. Yeah. Motherfuck failing at something very well. I don't know what he failed something. He failed something.
And I need to figure out what that thing is.
Yeah.
Motherfuckers are on his shit.
Anyway, let's talk about some other stuff.
So Chappelle's still in trouble.
I'm shocked at how long this is going.
Also, how happy is he?
He didn't have to go to his high school fundraiser.
Like, I think he leaked this story himself.
Yo, I think he made fun of trans people just so he wouldn't
have to do events like that.
It's like when Larry David
put on the MAGA hat.
Exactly.
To support everything.
It's like, yo,
have a controversy
and then you never have
to do any of the
you're a good guy shit.
Commencement speech,
fucking the booster-thon
fun run.
You're like,
I got to donate 10 bucks
every time a kid runs around.
Because they come
for your ass, dude.
The second you're
popping, popping,
they come with that
charity stuff.
Oh, blah, blah, blah for cancer. It's like, how you say no to cancer, dog? Yeah. for your ass yeah second you're popping popping they come with that charity stuff oh this oh blah
blah for cancer and it's like how you say no to cancer no yeah the person with the cancer couldn't
even say no to cancer you know what i mean like the least you could do that's your cousin that's
your family member you're gonna say no to that shit yeah and you can't just throw money at the
problem even though that's what they want yeah because they only want your money they want other
people's money to save that person i
get it i think kovat also helped a lot of people with that go go they're like john cena's like
wait i can just facetime these kids i don't gotta actually go like that's such a huge help i don't
gotta break through the wall no more fucking fly over to portland be like the kool-aid man like now
i can just fucking i can just go on a zoom call that's great yo it is so much easier to be a
celeb bro thank god these kids
are immunocompromised bro that's just not going away even if you got the vaccine i mean you can
still get it yeah you know compromise the hardest part of the pandemic is not going to the ward
anymore and talking to those kids that's the toughest part of the pandemic yeah yeah damn dude
aaron rogers actually just figured out that loophole. He doesn't, you know, the whole thing with the vaccine.
He has to now wear masks in the press conference afterwards.
If he doesn't want to wear the mask, he does it via Zoom.
Love it.
This guy's a genius.
I love it.
This guy's a genius.
So, yeah, it's just interesting what's going on with the high school because, listen, maybe this shows how old I am. I just can't fathom there's
a whole high school that's
watching the special going,
this was so incredibly offensive to this one
community that we
can't even have him speak at the school. It is a performing arts
high school, so it's probably a lot of LGBTs
in that bitch. So there were a bunch of kids that were
wanting to walk out.
You think Chappelle went to a black high school?
That's crazy.
That's what are we talking about?
That's nuts.
This guy's from Silver Spring, Maryland.
Him and Blau are neighbors.
Get out of here.
Oh, is that right?
Yeah.
Hey, well, you're welcome,
Chappelle, white people.
Made nice performing arts
high schools.
Well, apparently not that nice
because he had to go
and donate a bunch of money to it
and they were supposed to change
the name of the theater.
To make it?
Dave Chappelle. The Dave Chappelle Theater. yeah oh and they and they didn't actually cancel
it they just postponed it they need that check bro they literally said they were postponing to
april yeah they wanted to be closer to pride month let's do it at a time where when they walk out
they might be going to the parade exactly yeah yeah they're like yeah they'll be out of school
anyway yeah it's a holiday for them. Damn, man. But yeah.
Ugh, whatever.
Let the kids do it.
I don't know.
What?
Wait, what?
I'm like so like exhausted by the discussion.
It's crazy how, that's what I'm saying.
If Trump was in office, this shit would have gone away in two weeks.
There would have been some other controversy.
Trump would have said something and then people would have pushed Chappelle to the side.
Biden been napping this whole fucking time.
New York would have covered this up a lot, 100%.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Now, that is true.
Things moved quicker.
We got over things faster.
Definitely in the Trump era.
He just gave us much more to sink our teeth into.
He gave us fodder, man.
Just move on.
Let's go.
What's the next thing?
Yeah, it's tricky, man.
I don't know. I don't know how long this is gonna last i guess it will last as long as people uh have the ability to
virtue signal and i'd be okay to be honest like i'm okay if people push back like you have the
freedom to do that do whatever the fuck you want i i just don't like this idea that the jokes kill trans people it's just a little extreme the jokes
are literally violence yeah this is literal violence and this is how trans people get killed
and it's like someone who's ready to kill a trans people person like they didn't need to see the
special yeah do you know what i mean like there's not the first of all i don't even know if there's
people on the fence with murdering trans people i think you're very clearly on one side of that or the other side.
And then those who do it are just going to do it.
But the special is not helping you.
They're not making it that deep into the special anyways.
40 minutes in, you think they're watching the whole fucking thing for the trans hate?
They're not smart enough to have that attention span.
Nah, bro, they feel how they feel.
My jokes do not incite hate. They do not. are jokes judge me about my intentions yes the intention is to make
you laugh and you know maybe you'll be a little crazy yeah that's it that's a dope form of comedy
though like hate inciting comedy you gotta be nice with your shit that'd be sick unless the
audience is moshing like i don't think the the jokes are inciting violence if they're moshing
at the show then i'm like oh i can see it like there's a vibe habit i mean yeah i just don't
understand how someone could go to a comedy show and then after they're want to like murder trans
people and that's what they're saying i mean that's what some people are saying like that's
the literally violence i see that tweet a lot i think most people are saying it's like normalizing
an attitude against trans people yeah i can see that yeah and that and i can see you being frustrated by that that's moderate like you as like a trans
person and you're out here like yo i'm not fucking lying about this shit yeah i'm a girl yeah right
which to someone who's not trans is a wild statement yeah right like you see a person
that looks like a dude go i'm a girl yeah you're like okay but deep down you're like no but you can't say that because then that's
they look at you like uh you ever seen a cat that acts like a dog that's how they look at you i've
never seen that oh son there's a cat that plays fetch no really no oh no they got is that what
you meant by a cat that acts like a dog yeah yeah they got cats that legit they'll play fetch
they'll do all this dog ass behavior i mean that's what that's the best pet ever
yeah
it's awesome
100%
a dog with personal
responsibility
yeah
it's just
it's an autonomous dog
but you gotta luck out
and get one
otherwise you get a cat cat
and that sucks
and you can't train it
to be that
no
you're just born that way
pure luck
you're just born that way
it's not luck
I made you that way
yeah
you were assigned dog at birth but you're actually
yeah yeah man that should be proof if nothing else that trans is real yeah i mean we're still
talking about it right now what if we just do like a remember like a day without a mexican
remember that thing yeah like what you don't remember that thing no it was like it was a
holiday every year they would do like
a day without a Mexican
I think like
what happens
like Mexicans don't work
that day
it was a holiday
every year
it was a holiday
I didn't feel like
a holiday to me
it felt awful
we exchanged gifts
I'm just saying
there was a day
without a Mexican
wasn't it
yeah but it was a movie
oh it was a movie
what are you talking about
why would they make a movie
about that
what is a day without a Mexican
Yeah Mexicans don't have to be
Mexican that day
What do they dress up as
It was this idea
That they're
That they're integral
In all parts of our daily life
But then underappreciated
Blah blah blah
And let's see what happens
When you go
Damn without a Mexican
Falls apart
Didn't they
Didn't they do like a
Bunch of white people
Just getting jobs they hate
Yeah
Fucking miserable
Yeah Pretty rough dude There's a But no Didn't they do something Like last year Where they're like A bunch of white people just getting jobs they hate. Yeah. Fucking miserable.
That'd be rough, dude.
But no, didn't they do something like last year where they're like, for like a week or for a day, it was like only spend money on black businesses.
Black people did this.
Yeah. Oh, I remember that.
Right?
And it was like a way of putting like economic sanctions on everybody that's not black.
Right, right, right, right.
And I think that basically the day without a Mexican, I think it was like, if you're a Mexican, just stay home.
Don't work that day.
So everybody can feel how integral you are to the U.S. economy.
Right?
And we know.
I don't think there's anybody who's like, we couldn't do this.
Or we could do this without Mexicans.
I think we all know how valuable and important Mexicans are.
Right?
We're not going to pay them anymore because they're Mexicans.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But that's why you're so integral. Yes. It's because you do do it all but we don't really pay you yeah that's why we need you
yes come on yes and now's the time i mean like you know what's so funny like we're trying to
like stop these like caravans from coming into the united states of america and then in the same
breath we're like we need more employees it's unbelievable hire anybody we can't get anybody
to come work in the garage we can't get anybody to work at restaurants we can't get anybody to do anything and we literally have
all these people knocking on the door like we work at garages we work at restaurants we do all the
jobs that you need to hire people for and you refuse to do because you were given 1300 twice
yeah the wall is causing a labor shortage there it is right there you don't even have the wall but like we clearly have an issue right like on the same news broadcasts people need to be
hired for these jobs we have supply shortages because there's labor labor shortages nobody's
gonna go do the job we can't deliver after 12 every fucking hotel so i'm sorry we can't clean
unless you ask us to clean because there's nobody to do it every restaurant in-room dining and every fucking thing oh we don't do that anymore because we can't
hire any people there are people the same people you hire ready to go am i making a bad argument
here no it's a great point let the caravans in who's not working but you got to disperse them
though you got to have some type of bus system to get them uh around the country that's the caravan
dog they'll get around you think they'll walk there yes we're just in chicago
tons of mexicans yeah they'll find a way dude they will i'm not worried about that i'm just
saying like that should be the ultimatum that's what i would do to americans i mean yo you better
start working or we letting these motherfuckers in yo get to work yes you know what i mean no
more of this unemployment shit we like we because once're in, there's no chance for you.
Yeah.
The only reason, if you're white and you're like a dishwasher or some shit like that,
the only reason you have a job is because that restaurant has never had a Mexican do the job.
Once they hire a Mexican, you're never working again.
You have one shot.
You have one shot.
Get your fucking ass back to work or go to school.
Do something.
But once they hire the Mexicans, it's over, bro.
Have you ever seen a business have a Mexican workforce
and then all of a sudden not have a Mexican workforce?
Yeah, INS comes through.
That's the way.
They get more Mexicans.
Once you go Mexican, you don't go anywhere else.
I'm being serious
Name one business
You can't name one
Chinese people hire Mexicans
Even other minorities
Who come here to bust their ass
Look at their own people
And there's enough fucking Chinese people
Trust me
They look at their own people
And they're like
You can't do this
You can't do this yeah you can't
do chinese shit mexicans are better at doing chinese shit than chinese people unbelievable
that's a good what you mean what what's what's confusing about this son you go into a you go
into a chinese restaurant they got mex Mexican dudes making Chinese shit. Yeah.
Okay.
Well, we have to have a Mexican face up front and then everybody else in the back is Mexican.
Yes. I mean, a Chinese face up front.
What else is Chinese shit, though?
Say what?
What else is like Chinese shit?
Food, bro.
Food, dogs.
What else?
Well, most things are probably Chinese shit.
Everything that we're wearing or sitting on is probably made in China right now.
Yeah.
And if they had Mexicans out there, they'd fucking use them.
I guarantee you.
Yeah.
I guarantee you. I'm being serious. This this is we need to play hardball with americans yeah this is your
last chance to work forever this is your last chance to work for good yeah you'll never work
again yeah if you don't go take a job right now yeah because they're gonna get in they're gonna
find a way in that's what they do these people are resilient i respect it you got motherfuckers sitting home on the couch smoking
weed with your fucking stimmy check or unemployment refusing to go back to the job that you had before
you're not better than the job you did it already that was your job preach dog yeah you're upset at
the business for not paying you more where was that energy before Yeah There's no promotion
No promo
Back to work
Yeah
Okay
Yeah
And if you don't then what
It's gone
You gonna see what happens
You gonna see what
And then don't bitch then
Don't cry man
Don't move to fucking San Francisco
Or Portland
Be homeless
Or whatever like that
No
We're not doing that kind of shit
Yeah
That should be illegal
white homelessness
well how do you know
they're all just sitting at home
what if they like
got other jobs
or like better jobs
they did
why not
they didn't
he also said white homelessness
should be illegal
I'm into it
explain
it's just
because I think we all feel that way
I'm not giving a dollar
to a white homeless
come on
get your life together
come on
come on
come on
come on
come on
get your life together
every white homeless person I see got a phone or a fucking tablet
oh yeah that's kind of weird when they leave your activities like reading and shit like that if i
see a motherfucking homeless person begging and read this is the problem bro even this story work
even the stories my dad kicked me out of the house go back apologize what are you talking about
their sad story you never the homeless
person with the sad story on the train uh you know my dad kicked me out of the house times are hard
go back to your house apologize to your dad usually they say some wilder shit than that
they're like i got aids yeah not my dad kicked me out that's crazy that's why they got kicked out
they opened up with my dad kicked me out yeah my dad kicked me out of the house because he found out I was gay. Welcome to adulthood.
Yeah.
Oh, because they were gay.
Whatever, bro.
You're going to suck somebody's dick.
You're sucking dicks under my roof.
You know what I mean?
You think I'm going to let my daughter suck dicks under my roof?
I'm not going to let my son suck dicks under my roof, too.
Nobody's sucking dicks under my roof.
Including my wife.
If I'm not getting it, nobody's getting it.
Yeah, come on.
Some sweet dick sucks In my house
It's not me
Come on
Yeah
You know what I mean
Gotta use my own saliva
To have sex
You know how embarrassing
That is
You know
You know what I mean
Come on
That's crazy
That's a crazy time
So you would kick your gay kid out
Not for being gay
But because Because he's sucking dicks.
Yes.
You can't suck dick under my roof.
Go somewhere else.
Yo, you're sucking.
Listen, I'll kick my gay kid out for mad reasons.
I'm tired of the gay shit.
Like, that could be enough.
What's the gay shit?
Like, if he's, like, singing around the house.
Being 19 and in my house.
That's gay? Super gay.'s like singing around the house? Being 19 and in my house? That's gay?
Super gay.
Nah, okay.
What else?
Well, if he's gay
and he's 19 and he's in my house,
you're getting kicked out.
Yeah.
What if he's straight
and he's 19 and he's in your house?
You're getting kicked out.
Okay, fair enough.
You can be there for the summer.
Because you're too old.
How long did you live
with your parents for?
Until I was 30.
Okay.
Until I was 30 years old.
I was raised in a dance studio.
That's pretty fucking gay
if you ask me
I don't know
Honestly it was
It was way past 30
It was like 34, 35
Nah
Stop playing
Cause 30
I owned an apartment
By 35
Yeah
That's when you moved
Out of your parents house
I did
Where do you think
You went between
I was renting somewhere
You see what I'm saying
You gotta kick these
Motherfuckers out of the house
Bro You were renting A part of your parents house You see what I'm saying? You gotta kick these motherfuckers out the house, bro.
You were renting a part of your parents' house.
You built a wall in a kitchen.
Yo, what kind of piece of shit parents I got, man?
Making me pay money to live with them.
Why'd you bring me in this world, yo?
Yeah, you didn't ask for this.
Yeah.
I'm out there getting my dick sucked all the goddamn time.
In their house?
Yes.
You are a piece of shit. Yo, I get my dick sucked in my parents' house. You yes you are a piece of shit yo i get my
dick suck in my parents house you probably got your dick suck if you add up cumulative just the
amount of years you lived at home you probably got your dick suck more under your dad's roof
than anywhere else nobody got their dick suck more than my dad though wait why what no no you
don't know you got his dick suck no he was fucking well i've seen him post fuck yeah but i don't know
if he was you don't know if you've seen dick. I seen that motherfucker walk out the house naked.
Walk out the bedroom.
Big dick!
Big dick!
Wait, how do you know it was post-fuck?
Because that shit was still a heart.
My dad would walk around with a hardy.
Medium swole.
He would medium swole when I saw him.
I usually saw the Winnie the Pooh only wearing a t-shirt with the grandfather clock just swinging.
He tried to cover it up.
Sorry, Eddie. He'd be fake covering it up, swinging. He tried to cover it up. Oh, sorry.
He'd be fake covering it up, too.
He'd be like, oh, my bad.
He barely even covered it.
Balls hanging out the side.
Nah, he was big dicked.
He was a big dick guy.
Fat dick.
Looked like a waifu.
That's how his dick looked like.
Right there, bro.
But just walking around proud.
I had the homies over and everything like that.
You've seen dicks, dog.
Yeah, bro.
You've seen dicks. Hey, who's got a bigger everything. You've seen dicks, dog. Yeah, bro. You've seen your dicks.
Hey, who's got a bigger dick? You or my dad?
Your dad is not even close, bro.
Yo, it's not even close, bro.
Why did he do that? Was he trying to send a message? Long dick Larry, bro.
He just needed to make sure that everybody
respect him in the house.
Larry Long dick, son. It's hard not to respect the biggest
dick. Not the only thing that's hard, bro.
He was stiff.
He was stiff. It happened it happened all i'm trying
to say is americans get back to work okay get back to work all right all right guys we need to take
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portnoy has uh it looks like he's officially beat his me too so i'm portnoy that that motherfucker
is genius yeah you could be to me too but just by switching the narrative yeah like you don't
even gotta prove innocence even though there was nothing to prove his guilt right you don't even gotta prove innocence even though there was nothing
to prove his guilt right you don't usually the trickiest thing about a me too is once you're
branded once you're radioactive that's how the world sees you yeah so you gotta switch the
branding and you gotta move the radioactivity on to someone else so he comes in he has the branding
and they were trying to label they
didn't say he was a rapist in the article but they were fucking saying it dog like they were
saying he was on some real wild like non-consensual deviant shit yeah they said oh we didn't use the
word rape it's like you know what the fuck you meant judge people by their intentions yeah okay
yes not your interpretation you know what you intended and they were ready to throw this man
under the fucking jail dude like that's it done And he switched the narrative not to, hey, I'm innocent.
Hey, I'm innocent.
We still talking about rape.
Yeah.
Innocent of what?
What are you referring to?
He switched it to, this is a hit piece.
Yeah.
And these people are after me.
And this is why these people aren't after me.
And here's all the proof.
And she's hated me for this long.
And this person is an absolute fraud
and frauds do things
for money
and look what they're doing.
They're putting this article
behind a paywall.
He switched the whole narrative
to business insider hit piece
and now it has nothing to do
with whether or not
he raped her.
That's how you beat the me too.
You'll scream about your innocence.
He addressed it.
He said I'm innocent.
He cleared that up
and then he spent
the rest of the time. Sure, sure. The rest of the time is switching. But you'll make the argument about your innocence he addressed it he said i'm innocent he cleared that up and then he spent the rest of the time sure sure the rest of the time is switching the argument about
the innocence like bill cosby to this day is just going i'm innocent i'm innocent i'm innocent we're
like you're a rapist and bill cosby literally came out and leaned into the conspiracy and he was like
why all this shit started when i tried to buy mbc yeah like if he leaned into what everybody
is talking about in terms of conspiracy why is this woman who is hired by this person who worked at NBC the first person to come out?
Why is this person who wrote the article who's connected to Viagom or whatever,
the parent company of NBC, Paramount or whatever the fuck it is?
Why that?
If you just start leaning into the conspiracy,
now the conversation is over whether they're trying to get Bill Cosby out of here
and not whether he's drugging women and fucking them.
Yeah.
I mean, it's clever.
It's like genius, dude.
This guy's brilliant.
The guy knows it.
He understands.
And he also has the media arm.
There's a perfect example.
You want to go back to the Tim Dillon and Che beef.
It's like if Che gives me two and Tim Dillon gives me two, who do you think has a better opportunity to clear their own name?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You have the people.
Yeah.
Chase fired day one.
I'm just off.
If something happens.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Just the accusation.
So.
I mean, if you can't get fired in general, you have a lot of leverage.
A lot.
It's a lot of security just in life.
That's right.
Because now people aren't calling up Portnoy and they're like, hey, this is how you handle it.
He goes, I handle however the fuck I want to handle it.
You're not my boss.
Because your boss could call you and they could be like, hey, if you want to keep working here, you're going to say these things.
Not knowing that those are actually the worst things to say.
Yeah, they're just plain scared.
And then he's coming on the offensive.
Portnoy went so crazy on them because of what they can do.
I still don't know what the fuck he did.
I just know that it's a hit piece because he said it.
You know what I mean?
Like, we have no fucking clue.
I'm assuming it's lies.
I'm assuming all these things are happening, right?
Because I've done a little reading about it, and there's nothing really concrete, right?
But it could be true.
But he's convinced me it's not, and he's convinced me it's an intention.
He's convinced me they're unethical, so their accusations are baseless.
He's got screenshots, which is evidence that he didn't do it,
or some evidence that he didn't do it.
And then if you add that with they're unethical,
they'll put out hit pieces.
They don't act in good conscience.
Yeah, they're probably wrong.
And his reasoning for believing that it was a hit piece really early
was if they really believed it was rape,
they would have made the accusation in the article,
which then starts up a criminal process.
Now you got to get investigated.
So he knew off because he was,
they were trying to get him interviewed.
Yo,
that's a great,
let's record the interview,
but put that interview on camera.
We want to see the whole thing.
And yeah,
that's a great point right there.
If they say the R word,
it's a criminal investigation.
If they're not saying it's rape, it's a hit piece.
By definition.
Character assassination.
He either did something illegal, and you guys are pointing that out so that he can get justice,
or you're just trying to sell copies.
So if you're saying explicitly he didn't do anything illegal, and we said in the article he didn't do anything illegal, then why are you writing this?
Just because it's going to drum up views that you're asking people to pay for?
That's a hit piece by definition.
You fucked yourself.
And then he found the email that Business Insider was sending to his advertisers with a hyperlink to that article coming out.
So that's what you can do on someone that has a network.
And he just said, no.
But that's the thing about Barstool that I respect is that they keep saying that to the advertisers.
They say, fuck y'all, we'll do it without y'all.
And they've done that for decades or a decade,
however long they've been around.
But like from the beginning, they're like, yeah,
if you don't want to do business with us, it's fine.
And low key, I fucking respect that
because it's like you don't benefit from the fact that we're wild boys
we being barstool and you the brand are going to benefit and matter of fact anything that you
any product that gets advertised with us you're probably going to see twice as much because of
how much of our fans love us support us and hold us down and the second there's a little issue with
the same kind of wild boy behavior, now you want to leave?
Yeah.
We're not going to have that.
Go fuck yourself.
We need brands to actually stick around.
My pillow.
Yeah.
That motherfucker is,
that guy is low.
He's the most rider guy.
That's a bottom bitch, dog.
They were showing up to Tucker Carlson's house
like Beauty and the Beast, bro.
Remember when they stormed that motherfucker?
They came with the torches
and all that kind of shit.
They were at Tucker Carlson's house and my pillow was ready to go to war for Tucker.
I think he was like 50% of the advertisements on Tucker's show.
Do you remember this when they started taking all the ads off of Tucker's show?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He was the only ad.
Listen, I sleep good at night knowing I'm with Tucker.
Hey, that's what we need from our sponsors
yeah we need my pillow guy enthusiasm my pillow energy real talk real talk i would accept the ad
from my pillow how you political about pillows like everybody sleeps we don't got that in common
you want to be comfy when you sleep yeah are the pillows good i've never used one
son it's your pillow, though.
It should be good.
That shit is your pillow.
Yeah, I guess.
That's a great name, though.
I've never used me undies, either.
And those are supposed to be my undies.
Yeah, that's a good point.
Shout out, culprit.
Yeah, yeah.
We use a different type of undies over here.
I don't use a culprit.
But no, that is a good point.
I don't know if they're good.
I don't know if they're good.
You need to have a good pillow, man.
Yeah, that's why I like my pillow.
I don't trust memory foam.
Memory foam is remembering all the shit you do. You know's like it's like having two wives i don't need that shit yeah memory phones like well actually you said this on the
pocket it's like no no my pillow women's brains are made out of do you think that's what it is
something like that so that they remember everything see what i was doing there uh i was
making a joke about how
they remember things right after akash already made that joke so everybody at home you can cover
your ears like miles did earlier in this podcast and i'll never say joke like that again um uh what
else we got we got uh elon musk is bullying bernie sanders dunking on bernie sign and threatening the
stockholders too you know know what? Okay.
Okay.
Ready?
This is a tweet.
I forget who the fuck said it, but it wasn't.
This is not my idea.
So I'm not going to take credit for this.
And if you know who tweeted this, just give them credit for it.
My bad.
I don't recall.
But there's a guy tweeted this thing. He basically was talking about China and he goes uh what uh germany did wrong where hitler did
wrong is he didn't make the world reliant on the german economy before world war ii that's the only
thing you did wrong yeah yeah is that what you're saying continue is that what you're saying only
issue the only error in judgment hitler's judgment yeah no i guess what he's saying is like in terms
of like uh eradicate the Jews
he goes it would have been easier if you made
the whole world reliant on the German
the German economy
because then they'd look the other way
in the same way he goes this is what China did
China made the whole world reliant on the Chinese
economy or basically Chinese goods
so now everybody looks the other way
when they want to throw all the Muslims in a concentration camp
when they want to just say hey Taiwan is about to be China Hong Kong is about to be China when they want to throw all the muslims in a concentration camp when they want to just say hey tawana is about to be china hong kong is about to be china when
they want to expand throughout asia we look the other way because like well i don't want to fuck
up my shit like you as an american got to start asking yourself like do we really care about
taiwan like do we really care about hong kong how much do we really care about the south asian
pacific yeah or whatever the fuck they keep trying to build islands in or do whatever. I guess in a way,
America also do the same thing.
100%.
Yeah.
I'm sure we're the masters of it.
Yeah.
But why would we hold ourselves accountable?
You fucking sellout.
Sellout Canadian.
No.
And I brought this up
in regards to Elon Musk.
If you own Tesla,
Elon can say whatever he wants.
Before I owned Tesla, I was very critical of Elon.
I bought Tesla, and now I'm like, Bernie sucked dicks, bro.
Why are you talking about my mans?
Don't let him sell more of the stock.
My shit goes down when he sells the stock.
That's why I don't understand the criticism.
People are like, oh, why do you defend billionaires?
People would be like, the billionaires don't care about you.
What has a billionaire ever done for you?
And you're like, maybe a thousandaire.
Makes me money.
Yes.
100%.
If I'm investing in that billionaire's company, if I'm investing in Amazon, Google, Apple,
all these motherfuckers, they've done stuff for me.
Help me fight inflation.
Right?
They care.
Say what?
They went public.
They went on a stock market. it's a public offering we are
the public yeah they do a lot for us we like it they send our kids to college right this is our
kids college funds this is our they help us retire if you're invested if you're invested but you know
what anybody could invest it's not like they got a moat around investment well you have to spend money that's true buy some tesla expensive bro say what tesla wasn't always expensive even if it's not buy
buy a fraction of a share can you do that with a share i don't think i think it's not it's not
bitcoin literally the company that is on this podcast public public says you can buy fractions
of a share.
Oh, all right. I think you can.
All right.
Well, I'm a dumbass, guys.
I don't know.
All I'm saying is,
go out there.
So now what he did
is he made
the American public
dependent on his success.
Not completely dependent,
but we want him to win
because if he wins,
we win.
And that is a genius strategy.
Right.
Make sure that everybody's
invested in your success.
It's also, this is the energy you want from a billionaire.
Unapologetic.
Let's not hide it.
Somebody goes at billionaires and you just, I keep forgetting you're alive.
I keep forgetting you're still alive.
He doesn't say, hey, these tax law, he doesn't do that Bezos shit where you like kind of
skirt around and you don't address it.
No, he went over the top.
He's the Portnoy of billionaires, dog.
That's what he is. You're explaining you're losing.
You just fire back.
We must demand that the extremely
wealthy pay their fair share.
Which also is a very reasonable claim.
Extremely
neutral. He didn't even tweet him.
He didn't tweet at him. He didn't put Elon in the tweet.
No, he just said it.
Here's a neutral thing that I'm sure no one will be mad at nobody will be mad he's got much wilder he
asks you you don't even need a sub like he will come right at you yeah but no no no does anyone
disagree with that elon yeah dude the billionaires billionaires disagree hard as fuck elon about to
be like i'm not paying no more taxes, man.
So he just insults him for no reason. Elon is really out here.
Yeah, doggy.
That motherfucker is really out here.
And I'll be honest, like, if we're keeping it a buck, just started making money.
Wait, what do you mean?
Tesla just started making money.
Mm-hmm.
Like, wait, last quarter?
Pandemic.
Products, profits, or something like that.
But most of their profits comes from selling the...
Okay, you have a certain amount of eco-friendly credits.
And each car manufacturer needs to have enough of these credits,
either through their own fleet of cars
or through purchasing them from other car manufacturers.
Right?
So since all the Teslas are very green, obviously,
because they're not using no fucking gas,
they got all these credits to sell.
So all their money,
I think like 70% of the money that they were making
was coming from these credits, not actually from the cars.
And for the first time recently recently they started actually making money so it's like elon musk
is beefing with jeff bezos over like who's the number one guy and it's like i bet i'm sure it
takes everything in bezos's fucking power to not look and be like hey little boy little boy you
just started making money barely little boy i print money little boy well how do
you know he's just started making money so you can look it up it's like i think within the last
few quarters uh tesla is actually turning a profit based on the car not based on these credits that
is a government funded system right whereas like if you sell paper towels that's cash this
motherfucker bezos prints cash but amazon also wasn't profitable for
a while and by choice they're just dumping money back they're really expanding and like yeah yeah
the business itself is generating cash yeah right and also amazon web services was generating so
much fucking cash but that's cash like motherfuckers just paying you dollars and then you have that money
if you need tesla is all speculative like if another fucking car company comes out that's
better than tesla electric cars they got electric car that goes 2 000 miles and doesn't look like a
fucking honda accord yo tesla's dun dun game over yeah so they that's what i'm saying like
and we just love elon so much that we we're engaged in this beef and we're like, Bezos is the bad guy.
Fuck Bezos.
Even though Bezos does way more for us.
Bezos is out there delivering shit to our fucking house.
Yeah, but he's a cuck.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But he's out there delivering shit to our house within a day.
What a cucky thing to do, though.
And then he charges, he delivers food to our house, delivers groceries so that we don't
have to carry the fucking groceries or our girl don't have to carry the fucking groceries.
And then they start charging $9.99 for it.
And we're like, how the fuck dare you?
I'm upset about this.
Your car don't go 30 miles without a charge.
Son, I'm upset about that too.
And you still love that motherfucker.
Because he's funny, dog.
You can't even drive to Whole Foods and pick up your own fucking groceries if you want it.
And then you know what?
Bezos is like, I got you. And you're still
angry at Bezos, not Elon. But Bezos not funny.
Yeah, it
matters. It matters,
fam. Bezos not funny.
It matters. Remember what you said when he did that
Leo tweet? You said, what'd you say? This is the
first time I've ever liked Bezos. Yo, it's
true. He was kind of funny. Invest
in funny, dog. I'm saying, bro. Invest
in fucking funny, man. It fucking matters. And was kind of funny. Invest in funny, dog. I'm saying, man. Invest in fucking funny, man.
It fucking matters.
And Elon understands it.
Elon knew that in order for him to have a successful business, he needed clout.
He's the Jake Paul of automakers.
Okay?
Jake Paul knew if I'm going to be a pay-per-view boxer, I got to build this shit off of height.
I don't got to fight the best boxers.
Yeah.
This motherfucker wasn't fighting Ford. He wasn't fighting GMm he's not really going up against them right this is speculative he's
selling emission credits the guy ain't a car maker profitably he's an emission credit guy
but he kept doing it enough to where now he's doing pay-per-view events and that's what the
fuck elon is making money now the cars are making money fake it till you make it and tesla solar is He kept doing it enough to where now he's doing pay-per-view events. And that's what the fuck Elon is doing.
And the cars are making money.
And now the cars are making money.
Fake it till you make it.
And Tesla's solar is probably going to make a lot of money when he has the solar panels for people's houses.
For the houses, right?
That's probably going to make a lot of money.
The guy bought time with funny.
Bro, being a celebrity, we invested in him.
We invested in him, not the company.
Nobody knows the logistics of Tesla.
You don't know jack shit.
You didn't even know they didn't make money until two quarters ago.
But you know that you like Elon Musk.
You know that he's a genius.
And you're investing in Elon Musk.
And you know what?
I did the same thing.
Yep.
People tell me he's a fraud all the time.
He might be.
He's funny.
Do you think he's a fraud?
I can't say.
You don't think he's a fraud. I don't think he's a fraud.
But I can't disprove it. Kind of like when you ask me why is Bitcoin going to make money.'s a fraud? I can't say. You don't think he's a fraud. I don't think he's a fraud, but I can't disprove it.
Kind of like when you ask me why is Bitcoin going to make money.
I can't.
I don't know.
I just know I like Elon Musk and I trust him because he's funny.
You trust your gut.
I trust my gut.
My gut likes Elon.
It's a fun.
Yo, he be tickling my gut, bro.
He be tickling that gut.
This is Elon Musk's net worth in 2011 was like 20 bill.
Yeah.
But that's based on stock evaluation.
He is the majority holder of Tesla stock.
Remember, he never took any investment.
He had PayPal money.
Yeah, and he used the PayPal money, I think, to start SpaceX.
Something like that.
Yeah.
So he got this like crazy money for PayPal.
But that was like one of his like first, I guess, big ventures.
And then he almost went broke
put his own money up for spacex the final rocket before he was about to go broke ends up going in
the air of course spacex explodes his story is fascinating yeah like there's an awesome
motivational video you guys can watch on youtube the one that's got the gangsters paris paradise
oh my god you watch those oh dude i get geared up on them like if i got i get hyped to do something
he's about to cry the a little robot tears coming out.
Son, you didn't watch this?
I'm going to watch it.
There's so many of these types of videos.
No, no, no.
This is the one.
When he gets dogged by all the real astronauts.
And Buzz Hall, Lightyear,
or whatever the fuck.
It's never going to work.
It's never going to work.
I've been spending most of my life living in.
And then Elon's like,
yo, I'm going to do it.
I'm going to take my dick out.
He's like, keep going with this shit. That's when I invest it. Living in again and then Elon's like yo I'm gonna do it and then like he cried my dick I was like keep going with this shit that's when I invested living in again we are together we can
go to space and then that's what that's when you come keep going keep going keep going I'm saying
there's so many that rock is not the only thing blasting off I'm telling you out here bro oh dude
it was so good I watched it multiple times anytime I want to get charged up I want to watch it I'm
gonna watch it yeah what's your motivational porn?
Just Down syndrome kids slapping their thighs?
You fucking creep.
Yeah, what's this guy doing?
How do you get motivated, Mark?
I listen to Bezos videos, dog.
Yo.
I do.
He's like, yo, we're never going to come back to Earth.
Well, I just knew we could provide a service for people,
and we could do it in a more cost-efficient way than everybody,
and then that was our way to win.
Keep going.
What a cuck video, dude. I'm always there, win. Keep going. What a cuck video, dude.
I'm always there, dog. Keep going.
What a cuck, dude. Bezos is such a cuck.
Andy said we're going to live in space and that's lit.
You got to be honest, though.
Bezos' gift to
people is far more
helpful than Elon's.
On a day-to-day basis,
right now, absolutely.
In the future, that might change if we aren't relying on fossil fuels anymore
and if we need to go to space and live out there.
Well, Bezos might take us to space anyway.
Son, did you read this at all?
Yeah.
Okay, break this down.
So he's just speaking.
I don't know if he's necessarily speaking like gospel.
You know what I mean?
I don't know if he's like, yo, this is definitely what's going to happen.
But he's just sort of like conjecturing about what the future could look like.
And I don't know if he's saying his Blue Origin is going to do this. Well, he he's just sort of like conjecturing about what the future could look like he's saying his blue origin is going to do this well he said like that's sort
of like the mission and like kind of where we would like to see things go eventually real quick
i just want to say the fit is fire and shouts the kids super yeah this is fire this is a new drop
this is fire he'll hook you up i need to talk to to calm yeah column who spells his name c-o-l-m
yeah it's irish those are your people you should know that but he's scottish yo Colm Colm Who spells his name C-O-L-M Yeah
It's Irish
Those are your people
You should know that
But he's Scottish yo
I'm Scottish son
Don't do it
Don't do it Mark
Don't do it
You guys are neighbors
That's Florida and Georgia
That's the same shit
Don't do that
That's the same country
That's like calling me a Pakistan
Pakistan India
Same country bro
Yeah come on
Different countries
Bro come on
Fuck he's right
We are part of the same
God damn country
He got you dog
You see what he fucking did
Right there
God damn
Little geographical
Nerd over there
Shit okay
Keep talking
Keep talking about that shit
Yeah yeah
Keep talking about that shit
You know what I mean
Alright so basically he's like
Alright we're gonna just
Go to earth to visit
Shout out to Miles
Dressed like Miss Mary Mack
Over there
So this motherfucker Out here looking cute So Miles He looking cute today All right, we're going to just go to Earth to visit. Shout out to Miles dressed like Miss Mary Mack over there.
Son of a motherfucker out here looking cute.
Son of a motherfucker looking cute today.
That little cardigan with the roll-up.
Yo, that motherfucker's cute.
Pour me a hot toddy.
Let me sip on a fire with Miles.
Yo, that motherfucker adorable, dog.
Okay, go, go, hit this shit. So he said, yo, we're all going to just live in space.
Most people are going to be born in space.
Space is going to be their home.
We're going to have centrifuges that create gravity where you can just kind of live on your little spaceship and walk around like regular.
That is a cool thing that they showed in Interstellar.
Did you see that movie?
No, I never seen it. movies is they have the space station itself spinning fast enough
where it produces enough
centripetal force or
centrifugal. Centrifugal or
centripetal. One of those. Enough force where
you're being pushed to the ground.
Whoa. And that's essentially
it almost feels like
the opposite of what should happen
for us. Shouldn't we be like flying off?
I don't know how this shit works, though.
There's no backup for that.
If one of them shits breaks,
we're all just floating.
Exactly.
Into the fucking ether.
That is the tricky thing.
But kind of cool idea conceptually, right?
Like, I'm trying to think of something like,
um...
You're swinging like a chain mail.
Yeah.
You know that like ancient Scottish weapon
that's super sick?
It's an ancient weapon that a lot of people use, yeah. It was a Scottish weapon. We use it know that like ancient Scottish weapon that's super sick? It's an ancient weapon
that a lot of people use.
It was a Scottish weapon.
We use it the best.
Who else use it?
What did the French use it for?
To sit on?
You guys just rub
your fucking clits on it
during war?
Is that what you guys did?
Just share that?
Just go ass to ass
in some chain mail?
But,
right?
Just Jonah Ark
just fucking diddled.
Diddling away.
But yeah, just like, you know, when you're swinging like that and all the pressure is going to the outside right well what if you built society
on the inside of a circle yeah right and they're swinging like that or spinning like that your feet
would be pressed yeah it's like the fucking tilt-a-whirl yeah that's the example perfect
example yeah so i don't know how the fuck that they can make it like normal to walk around because Yeah, it's like the fucking Tilt-A-Whirl. Yeah, that's the example. Perfect example, yeah.
So I don't know how the fuck that they can make it normal to walk around because that Tilt-A-Whirl shit feels weird.
That's what Bezos said they're going to do,
and then we're just going to visit Earth.
Like a vacation destination.
Like Yellowstone, yeah.
Like Westworld, but Earth.
Okay, do you believe it, and what do you think timeline is?
I don't know.
I'm almost like, why do you want that to happen?
That's what I'm saying.
Okay.
I guess he's just thinking
We're gonna fuck up Earth so bad
Or
Who's we
Yeah
Who are the people
That are fucking up Earth
Hey
Yeah
That's true
We're very green on this podcast
That's what I'm saying
We're the greenest podcast
We're an eco-friendly podcast
Yeah
But
Who's fucking up Earth
Us I think
Yes it's definitely us
It's definitely all human
Are we fucking up Earth
This podcast
Earth looks the same
This podcast has done very little
Does Earth look different Than when you were younger?
No.
I think it does.
How, though?
Like, if you look at a map, I think it's more blue.
Ice melts, bro.
He always brings up maps, bro.
Stop with the maps.
Ice melts.
I think there's more water.
I think ice is melting in a way that it should.
There's no more water, dog.
Human beings are 70% water.
We need that shit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He doesn't know anything about water. Yeah. No, that's a good point. Humans are 70 water we need that shit yeah yeah yeah he doesn't know anything about water no that's a good point humans also why are we drinking that shit right like if the
if the ice caps are melting the polar ice caps are melting put a little thing down there yeah
like before it goes into the water the salt water to make it all salty put a little uh bin yeah
right like you put a little bin right there that's all the water
we're gonna drink it we're gonna pee it out right water cycle that's it like i literally i don't see
this as a problem how the fuck is it possible and i mean this sincerely how the fuck is it possible
that you have all these videos coming out talking about the next great crisis is what mark uh
climate change is it climate change water water remember Oh, water, yeah, yeah. Remember?
Nestle's buying up all the water.
Have you guys seen these videos?
I think even Jake Tran maybe did one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it's like Nestle, the company that we know for chocolate, is really just a corporation
like anyone else.
And they're buying up all these water, they're not called reservoirs, but they're buying
up land that have water suppositories underneath the land.
They're called aquifers.
Aquifers. Aquifers, yeah. Yes. Holy underneath the land. They're called aquifers. Yes.
Holy shit.
Good.
That's great.
You guys got that.
So, yeah, that was fucking awesome, guys.
So they're buying up the land that had these aquifers, right?
So that they can extract that water, right?
And they're going to basically own all the water.
And then when we allegedly we're going to run out of water, and that's a big issue.
And people are talking about like the desalination process.
Like, oh, we could just take all the salt water from the ocean figure out how to do that yeah and we can we can it's just
very costly it takes a lot of time israel number one in the world for that they figure that out
really why is because you have that water that you can't uh sink in yeah yeah right they just
had to figure out a way to drink the dead sea but it's not that hard though you just have it
evaporate what's that the water like a salt water you just have it evaporate then you can drink it The water. Like, salt water. You just have it evaporate, then you can drink it.
What are you talking about?
What's happening right now?
If it evaporates, how the fuck can you drink it?
Yeah.
Because that's how you do water if, like, you're on a boat.
Mark, if it's evaporated.
Yeah, but then you have a tent to catch it, and then you drink the water that's caught
That's how you do it.
If you were trapped on a deserted island, that's the only way to get fresh water is
evaporation.
No, no, no.
Don't, bro.
Don't, bro.
No, no, no no here's the thing you
don't watch movies but like i know you saw enough of the matt damon on space movie where like you
think that you understand how or cast away or cast away i did this condensation yeah that's not
evaporation that's condensation boy it becomes condensation no no no no it don't it don't it
don't it don't condensate i don't even know what you're trying to say.
I swear to God, I don't even know what you're trying to say.
You boil the salt water.
The steam goes on like a palm frond if you're on an island.
And then that water on top of there will be fresh.
And that's how we're going to feed our society when everything sinks.
No, you don't.
That's what I'm trying to say.
You don't need to go through all that process to go get the salt water.
If we know the glaciers are melting, are they not melting, Miles?
You look like you do expeditions.
Yeah, I know.
He's dressed like an NPR host.
He really is.
Yo, where's your red beanie, Bill Murray?
Okay.
So, if we know for a fact that we're running out of water, right?
Yeah.
You got one group of these environmentalist motherfuckers talking about we're running out of water.
We got another group of these environmentalist motherfuckers talking about we're running out of water We got another group of these environmentalist motherfuckers
Talking about the polar ice caps are melting
Yeah yeah yeah
Problem solved
Done
Do you not see this
I just solved global warming
The water is gone
Nestle thinks that they got the monopoly
On the water
Ha ha ha Okay So what the monopoly on the water. Dumbasses. Ha! Ha!
They don't know. Okay.
So what are you casting the water with? I don't know,
but I think if I'm Hershey, I'm going up
to the polar ice cap. A little canopy?
Yeah, we're going to have a little chocolate wars.
And you go up there, you take some buckets,
you take something, and you start
chopping away at those motherfucking glaciers.
Because what's happening right now?
Them glaciers are falling into the water, on polar bears polar bears dying yeah seals are
also dying we could take that valuable glacial ice yeah okay and instead of just letting it be
in the fucking water where it melts and it just turns into more salt water is a problem for
everybody nobody likes salt water okay that's the worst water yeah okay that and evian thanks to
your people no evian they get that from the mountains that's the problem water. Yeah, yeah. Okay? That and Evian. Thanks to your people. No, Evian, they get that from the mountains.
That's the problem.
From the Alps.
Wait, glacier water is fresh water.
Yes, you fucking retard.
I actually don't know if that's true.
How the hell could it freeze?
I actually don't know if that's true.
If it has salt in it, dude.
I actually don't know.
Of course it's true.
But I think if you put salt water in a freezer.
It starts at the top of the fucking mountain.
Where's it going to get the salt?
If you put salt water.
The glacier goes from top of the mountain down into the water. But is in the water floating fam an iceberg is the part of the glacier that
broke off so iceberg isn't ice or isn't salt no a little bit you don't think just sticking to it
son no so what water you want just take the top of how did the glacier form say what how'd the
glacier form it didn't form from rain for the form? It didn't form from the ocean water?
No, it came from the top of the mountain.
It came from the top of the mountain and the fucking rivers and shit.
Rain, bruh.
Rain.
How did you not know this?
I didn't know this.
I can't believe I'm surrounded by such incompetence.
Over there, please.
You know about this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
God.
Why are you not talking, Dove?
Because I'm Googling.
To make sure that we're right.
I mean, yeah, icebergs float in the ocean, but they're made of frozen fresh water, not salt water.
Yeah.
Duh!
Yo, can I be honest?
I guess I thought like other ice would freeze to it.
I thought a little bit of salt in the water would freeze.
Salt water, very difficult to freeze.
But it's so cold.
Eventually, salt water does not freeze because it has this salt.
If it's at zero Kelvin, it'll freeze.
Even Kelvin won't freeze it.
Kelvin can freeze it. Nah, Kelvin won't freeze it. Kelvin can freeze it.
Kelvin don't do that shit.
I don't think Kelvin can freeze it, bro.
Kelvin is that cold
ass black guy?
He just come around freezing shit.
No, for real. Kelvin, maybe
if you get to Kelvin, that works.
Kelvin.
I'm just saying this is a fact.
We have a water issue over here and we have
a water solution over here but nobody is taking advantage of it chop away at the fucking glaciers
what do glaciers even do they do nothing it's just for rich people to go look at they actually
serve no fucking environment where do the polar bears live on these stupid ice caps you think
they want to live there you think you think a fucking polar bear knows it's an ice cap no they don't know it's an ice cap till it's in the middle of the
goddamn ocean right and just chilling there like what the how the fuck i got here yeah they thought
it was lands yeah they want to be fucking snowboarding drinking coke they don't want to
be how are we gonna get the how are we gonna get the ice to wherever it's going say what you keep
me in buckets we just fly mad buckets back hey bro hey bro you float it yeah it's already in the water
it's in the water put a sail on it just push the shit matter of fact i think it was saudi arabia
or one of the countries out there yeah um uh that tried to chop off a section of a an iceberg
or a glacier and then literally tug it to Saudi Arabia so they could have fresh water.
You can look that up.
Did it work?
I think that shit melted, bro, but it's hot out there in the desert.
It's hot out there in the desert.
It's a lot.
Boiling hot.
Or they didn't take a big enough piece.
Take a bigger piece.
You don't got to bring that shit all the way back to Saudi Arabia.
Bring that back to Nova Scotia.
Let it melt.
Process it there when it's still cold.
Yeah.
Someone from the UAE.
UAE.
Done.
And what?
It was just a guy that did it or the government?
The government.
It was an idea.
But desalinization is probably the easier idea.
No.
No.
Desalinization doesn't stop the water.
We have an issue with too much water and too little water.
Yeah.
He's saying ice caps are killing the polar bears because they're breaking off.
I don't care about the polar bears.
I'll be honest with you.
The seals.
It's an added benefit.
The seals.
It's an added benefit.
Penguins.
None of them want to be on no fucking ice cap, dog.
No.
Ice caps stink.
Only cause problems.
Where do we relocate them?
What?
Where do we relocate them?
Relocate who?
Penguins, polar bears To the land
Like the penguins that go on the sand
We're good
Animals are resilient fam
If a polar bear could find its way into a garbage can
It could find its way onto some fucking land
You know how we could get them to different parts of the land
Is we could take all the cubs from one polar bear
And then when the mother cub starts chasing
and the mother bear starts chasing you you drop one at a time and then you get them wherever you
need to go eventually you think polar bears gonna be chasing their cubs that is a fucking genius
idea i just thought of it that is an absolutely genius i don't know how but i just thought of it
holy shit and then you raise those polar bear cubs in captivity yeah and then when they're
badass enough then you can like fight them or do, you know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
School events with them.
Yeah.
Fuck, man.
You're brilliant.
I didn't even think about that.
That's a good idea.
You are absolutely brilliant.
This is genius.
I'm an innovator.
Anyway, I solved the environmental crisis.
Thank you so much.
Yeah, you're welcome.
Yeah, I appreciate that.
You still believe the earth is heating up or no?
How do we know it's the earth's fault?
Well, it's not the earth's fault.
It's our fault. How do we know it's our fault? We don't know that. How do we not know it's's the Earth's fault? Well, it's not the Earth's fault. It's our fault.
How do we know it's our fault?
We don't know that.
How do we not know it's just the sun's fault?
I would blame the sun.
Where's all the heat coming from?
Coming from the sun.
But they're also trying to say that there's an ozone layer that's being depleted because of all the chlorofluorocarbons that we're using.
That sounds like the sun's problem, bro.
That's right.
Yeah, we put that together, buddy. We abbreviated that after he said it. That sounds like the sun's problem, bro. That's right. Yeah, we put that together, buddy.
We abbreviated that after he said it.
That sounds like the sun's problem, dude.
Nah, that is the sun's problem, but like,
okay, so it gets a little hotter.
What's the big deal?
Well, then everything melts,
then we all get super hot.
What if you just went up there with aluminum foil?
Keep going.
It's a very reflective surface.
Aluminum foil is just going to reflect
all the sunlight back.
Now it actually might even be global cooling. No, but then you might make space too hot. Son, a very reflective surface. Aluminum foil is just going to reflect all the sunlight back. Now it actually might even be global cooling.
No, but then you might make space too hot.
Son, I got an idea.
I saw this shit right now.
Y'all ready?
Yeah, go ahead.
It's light.
Yeah, it's the sun.
It's light.
The sun makes light.
How did the dinosaurs go extinct?
Oh, meteor shower.
Meteor.
Not shower.
Bath.
Asteroid? What is it? Asteroid. A meteor hit the Meteor. Not shower. Bath. Asteroid?
Asteroid.
A meteor hit the earth.
Okay, yeah.
Right there by the Caribbean.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
The dust cloud caused by the meteor blocked the sun for what?
Wow.
Million years or something like that?
Made the ice age.
Made the ice.
There's no sun, bro.
There's no sun. Everything's cool. Small the ice. There's no sun, bro. There's no sun.
Everything's cool.
Smaller meteor.
Oh, like this little one.
Little meteor in the places where there's ozone depletion.
Control meteorite.
Control meteor.
Yeah.
Send some dust up in there.
Dust works.
Dust blocks the sun.
Get some dust up in there.
Make it a little more winter.
A little bit more winter.
Not too much dust.
And then do it incrementally.
I don't believe that.
Dust?
How long dust lasts?
Dust be lasting.
Dust don't last that long, dog.
It should be settling mad quick.
But dust, though?
Dust?
Like, that's...
You ever go to an old thing?
Full of dust.
Yeah, it's dust.
Dust lasts.
That's because dust settles.
It comes down.
Yeah.
That's exactly...
Dust not in the fucking...
It's not on the roof.
Dust is everywhere. You don't see it. Dust is all over, down. Yeah. That's exact. Dust not in the fucking, it's not on the roof. You don't know that.
Dust is everywhere.
You don't see it.
Dust is all over, dog.
Yeah, dust be settling, dog.
It cannot possibly block the sun for long enough to cause a motherfucking ice age.
So what happened?
That's wild, dog.
What happened?
I don't know, but I don't believe it's dust.
Why not?
Son, it was radioactivity from the meteor.
Like the way fucking.
You're talking about radioactivity.
Yeah.
The way fucking the nukes fucked up Japan
for mad long
decades of kids
coming out
looking at this shit
where's the
radioactive material
on the meteor
son it's mad
have you not seen
Meteor Man
he gets hit by a meteor
and he gets mad
radioactive powers
I didn't see that
I never saw that
son you guys don't know
about Robert Townsend
I've never heard of that
that's a black superhero
you guys probably
you know what I mean
I'm not as woke as me
you know what I mean he touched a as woke as me you know what I mean
I don't know dog
he touched a jet magazine
you know everybody
that was in it
in 30 seconds
it's really
it's incredible
I'm just saying
I think there might be
one fundamental flaw
in your idea
I think the fundamental flaw
is dust bro
a dust cause of ice age
let me think bro
I kind of believe in dust
that dust bowl
fucked up the
the Oklahoma for like 10 years.
It didn't cause no goddamn ice age.
They just couldn't grow crops.
Miles, you have something to say.
I can tell.
When Mount St. Helens exploded, there was a bunch of dust and ash in the sky.
It was known for one of the most dust ever.
Yep, yep.
Keep going.
A lot of tons of dust.
It made that whole area that it went over cooler by like 10 degrees.
For how long?
I don't know.
A couple days, weeks.
That's what I'm saying.
A couple weeks.
A couple days. No, it's one volcano. That's a couple weeks that's a volcano i'm gonna push back a little bit on that what year is this this
is my 80s no um no mount saint helen 1984 it's like the 80s i'm sorry that's a cover pompeii
yeah i thought they was talking about that so i was about to be like cap you know how they know
what's 10 degrees colder as the 80s but they like cap you know how they know what's 10 degrees colder
but they weren't you know recording degrees and that's a whole ass volcano that made that one exact area which that was just a tiny little little one yeah it could be like 12 it could
be the first day yeah like come on tiny volcano we read about that in history books that was a
big-ass volcano it was just a tiny little part of a massive medium size it was called dara that's under yellowstone if yellowstone goes the whole
i've heard this i've heard if yellowstone goes we're all fucked cap yeah why because it's just
dust you stronger than not because it's just dust but i just don't think if if you don't want to
blow you don't gotta let it blow yeah just like when you blow your nose and you hold it yeah
why don't they let it build up and
then something's gotta happen they can get a little bit out yeah you just let a little out
at a time dog like have a little side hole you what if we make the hole in old faithful mad big
and then more comes out at a time that's to his point that lets out a little more pressure quicker
that would probably help a little yeah yeah what's the name of that shit underneath the Earth, Miles?
A volcano.
No.
Magma?
No, the Terra or something.
What'd you call it?
Oh, the Terra Firma.
Oh, Super Caldera.
Super Caldera.
Yeah.
And that's the name of it.
Well, that's any of them.
That's just like a large pent-up mass of magma.
Of magma?
Yeah.
All right. Magma. All right, guys. pent up mass of of magma yeah alright magma
alright guys we're gonna take a break for a second because
we gotta make sure that you're listening
to this podcast in the right way
okay and if you got the headphones
if you got the headphones on we gotta make sure
you're using the right headphone company
and we gotta make sure that you're
not burning holes in your pockets
while you're doing it now
Akash what do you think the best value is right now in the headphone space?
Oh, probably the headphones I brought here.
Oh, really?
What you got?
Son, if I'm getting on the train, I throw on these Raycons.
And if I lose them, they're half the price of the regular ones.
I buy another one.
Wow.
Bang.
But what's the battery life, though?
That's the thing.
A lot of times these little pods, they fuck up.
They don't have good battery life.
Son, dumb long.
Maybe the longest of any ear pod I've used, maybe.
I'm not sure, but maybe.
Dumb long.
Like, what are we talking about?
Son, the first day I got them,
when they came to me, they're not fully charged.
I got them out the box, moved my whole ass apartment,
listening to podcasts the whole time.
Wow.
I heard they got eight hours of play time
and 32-hour battery life,
which is absolutely fucking insane.
I'm just saying, the Raycons are stacked, okay?
Half the price of the competitors, same great audio quality, amazing battery life. This is an
absolute no brainer. Okay. You got to go with the Raycons. And if you want to get them right now,
you can get 20% off. If you go to buy Raycon, that's R-A-Y-C-O-N.com slash flagrant, okay? You're going to unlock
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Now let's get back to the show.
All right, and we back.
I think it's time for Feelings, No Facts.
Mark.
Hit it.
Yeah, we got a couple.
So we just took a pee break, and that made me remember this story that happened.
Actually, just over the weekend.
It was in Daytona, which I didn't realize.
When I first saw the video, I thought it was fucking Siberia or something.
I did not think it was in America. It was like down the street which I didn't realize. When I first saw the video, I thought it was fucking Siberia or something. I did not think
it was in America.
It was like down the street
from where I grew up.
No, that makes sense.
No, that's what
I would have guessed.
So basically...
I'm surprised
it's not your face.
So this band,
Brass Against,
they're doing a cover
of Rage Against the Machine.
And they're on stage and all of a sudden this woman. And they're on stage, and all of a sudden,
this woman brings a guy up on stage, and this is what happens.
So she signals to a guy in the crowd, like, points to him,
and is basically like, yo, get up on stage.
Everyone starts cheering.
He's got a beer can, I think, like, stuck to his head through, like yo get up on stage everyone starts cheering he's got a beer can i think like stuck to his head through like suction basically like you ever seen someone do that oh
yeah they take like an empty beer can and like stick it to their forehead so he jumps up on stage
immediately she's like yo lay down he down. He assumes a position, like, pretty freely.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I've never seen the video.
I know of what happens, but this is wild.
She's just pulling her pants all the way down.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
All right.
All right.
Taking a look. Yo!
Yo, the way girls piss is crazy, dog.
Son, it's absurd, right?
I think he just spat it out, too. Yeah, so some guy in his mouth, he, like, spits it out.
She's still singing impressive so everyone
else is just kind of going crazy he seems like he enjoyed it guy gets up
like he throws into the crowd she's telling me to get the fuck off the stage
she's telling him to get the fuck off the stage and then yeah they resume the rest of the concert
so
they took to their twitter the next day and said
we had a great time last night
at the welcome to Rockville
Sophia got carried away that's not something the rest
of us expected you know what her last name is
what? Eurista
yeah it's great like a barista yeah but for urine yeah so she does this she gave him
a shot she gave him a double they said this is not what we were expecting and it's not something
you'll see again at our shows thanks for bringing it last night no listen if you're not if somebody
does some shit like that and you're not expecting anything you keep playing music you're the pee
girl now doc that's your thing you gotta
pee every single time you can tell some people knew it was coming because the trumpet dude like
moved all his shit back oh really if you watch it like she brings the guy up on stage and all
of a sudden he starts moving stuff back so the guitar guy's still jumping around ain't no way
i'm jumping around if there's piss nearby and i didn't know can you imagine you go on stage at
the end of your show and then one of the people just takes a piss?
I mean, can you imagine, like,
learning how to play a brass instrument your whole life
and then getting in a band with this girl?
You know what I mean?
Like, if you...
This is all brass.
Brass Against is the name of the band.
Yeah, I'm assuming they do covers of Rage Against the Machine.
Brass Against the Machine is what I was thinking.
They are a cover band.
But you don't call them...
They're a cover band, but it's like...
Think about, like, you're playing the trombone.
You're playing the trumpet.
Like,
these are all like,
kind of like dignified.
You were first chair
of like your county's
like fucking band group.
You thought that you were
going to be playing
at Lincoln Center.
Yeah,
you're like,
oh,
I'll join the Philharmonic one day.
Yes.
Wow.
No,
you won't.
You are going to be
background music
for when this girl
takes a piss
on a fat guy's forehead.
This is unbelievable, man. That trombone guy doesn't even seem to be looking at them. Yeah, he is fat guy's forehead. This is unbelievable, man.
That trombone guy doesn't even seem to be looking at them.
Yeah, he is. He's pointing.
But he seems like he's pointing not at her. He seems like he's pointing
at somebody else. He's pointing at security, like, can you get a
bathroom for this girl, please?
Anything?
The craziest thing is she keeps singing.
I think I heard a shot.
It seems extremely metal for a cover also.
Yeah. It's not your song.
I'm going.
I'll go.
If that was her shtick and then she would pee on people during the shows.
Oh, this is the best PR.
Dude, this works for fucking Ozzy Osbourne biting heads off bats.
Yeah.
100%.
This is great PR.
This band is something now.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But they still are just doing covers.
I mean, who is this guy, dude?
She is covered dude getting pissed on
pissed on by a cover band do you think he knew that's like letting the feature act shit on your
face like that's crazy there's a can on his forehead for a reason and her name is something
yurista yeah so this has to be something they've done before yeah yeah yeah he must know the deal
right like there's no way you get peed on you're just just like, stay there. I think he was asking for it.
I think he brought the can as like, hey, pee in this.
Yeah, I'm the pee guy.
And then she's a girl, so they just can't.
They just can't aim at all.
That was the first time I think I've seen a girl piss in profile.
Usually I'll see it.
I've never seen profile, and you don't realize how much it splatters like that.
It's insane.
It's like a water park where they have the water just open up. It all comes out at Yeah. It's insane. It's like a car wash. It's like a water park
where they have the water
just open up.
It's all comes out at once.
It's crazy.
It's really unbelievable.
Yeah.
It's just so inefficient.
It's like a touchless car wash.
It just goes everywhere.
It just dumps.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Just dumps.
Wait, why do you think
it's inefficient?
I feel like it's more efficient.
When guys pee,
it takes so long.
You pee for an hour.
Yeah, because it's targeted.
Yeah, it's just
in a little stream just going like this. This just seems it could be so much more messy. It for an hour. Yeah, because it's targeted. Yeah, it's just a little stream just going.
This just seems like it could be so much more messy.
It's just messy.
More on your thighs and legs.
You don't want to smell like pee.
That's not going to be beneficial for you back in the day.
Right?
It's already hard enough to keep your pussy, like, have no bugs in it.
You don't want to have fucking piss all over your legs and thighs.
But you got to run if you're living back in the day and, like, people are trying to get you.
Especially if you're a woman, you're vulnerable. you're vulnerable yeah and you're exposed oh you can't
be peeing for too long you only got six seconds good you got six seconds you're out in the woods
you're just gonna get fucking taken that's right just get it all out yeah there's one dump oh my
god dude yeah yeah but if you're running and you got a dick you could just piss kind of just aim
it as you're running you know i mean i can't start a piss while moving. I have to stop to get it going.
Yeah, but then once it's going,
you're good money.
Piss and run.
They can't do that.
Yeah, they can't.
Though I doubt that you can piss
when you're in flight mode.
That was impressive.
Peeing in front of that many people,
having your pussy lips all out.
Pussy lips are out.
And singing.
And it's cold too.
On stage, you're all hot
and all of a sudden you take your pants off.
Doing a squat. That's probably actually a relief. The pants off is, like, you're all hot, and all of a sudden you take your pants off. Doing a squat.
That's probably actually a relief.
The pants off is probably like, oh, that's nice.
Get a little hair.
A little ventilation.
This is fucking wild.
And they're about to sell tickets like Tim Dillon.
Yeah.
Is it a cover band?
I mean, is that legal?
To sing other people's music?
To be a cover band? Yeah. Yeah. Like yeah yeah like you can like sell tickets are you just not questioning the legality of something we've all seen a thousand
times in person i've never paid money for it i thought that it's like um a novelty you know
what i mean like they just like to do it you do it for yourself but like selling tickets and you
just play someone else's music the whole time it feels like if they're still alive i'm always like
that's a little weird.
But you're getting married next month where they're going to play like some popular songs, right?
Yeah.
You have a band or DJ?
Stop snitching.
We got music.
Come on.
Yeah.
You get the DJ only.
You got the band.
Yeah.
No, I guess.
I guess it is.
Yeah, I guess it does happen.
That's right.
It does happen.
I don't know.
For some reason, there's something weird about like playing just one band's songs it's a little because that band
already exists well if they're dead though if they do like if the guy does prince he's like
yo i'm a prince guy i'm a prince cover guy and there's a rule with that i think once you've
been dead for like five years your music catalog becomes like open source. But also, we need to do Prince Hologram.
I don't know if that's true.
Or no, 50 years.
I don't know.
Maybe it's like Beethoven, for example.
You could just use Beethoven now.
There's a life.
Yeah, but anyone can play Beethoven anytime.
No, you can use it in a commercial.
You can use it like there's a life expectancy to.
Oh, no, that's right.
We were having this conversation because I think like Disney's about to run out of their thing they just keep their thing down all the time yeah disney litigates against it 70 years
after the author's death 95 years after publication but it used to be less before disney got in it was
like five years yeah and then it was up to 25 then 50 and like they just keep on litigating and
kicking it down have you ever heard of the red hot chili pipers no yeah i don't think they only do we don't think this is
weird at all no like you can just make money off of someone else's art if they're not false
advertising which weirdly enough a lot of musicians don't write their own songs though
but the people that are being paid but the guy yeah but the guy's making the money off another
guy writing his music in that kind of weird clearly not the argument that i'm making but in that also compensated for that music he's a he's making the most money he's making
the publishing on that music and every time that music gets played on the radio he's making money
off of it but these people are touring and making a living off of someone else's artwork you don't
even know if you give them permission to even do that like a dj though too i actually think it's
less weird if it's live only as long as the dj if go go if
it's not false advertising it's fine if it's like yo i do other people's music and i cover i think
you can do that with anything if someone want to take your material and be like yo i'm gonna do
andrew schultz's jokes but i'm just an impersonator i'm not actually him and they sell tickets to it
run it seems weird you think rage against the machine wants to get back together to a hundred
person venue in daytona and have to pee on some guy's face?
Yeah.
You think Tom Merlo wants to pee on someone?
I don't know.
It doesn't feel like there should be some sort of handshake or permission granted.
Music is also weird like that because it's built on covers.
And when you start, you just do someone else's shit.
Because, yeah, your shit is so whack.
You don't even have shit.
No, but even that, seeing someone do their own song, it's just like...
But, yeah.
No, there's a woman actually in like Netherlands or something.
They got sued by Tina Turner because she looks so much like her.
And she was promoting her thing as like Tina Turner live or whatever.
And people thought it was actually Tina Turner.
That's illegal.
Yeah, that's illegal.
If you name a company close to another person's and that confuses the marketplace.
Likeness rights.
Right. Right.
Interesting.
This is the Red Hot Chili Peppers thing I was bringing up.
It's a bagpipe cover of Red Hot Chili Peppers.
And there's tweets all the time that are like, yo, I scored some cheap tickets to Red Hot Chili Peppers.
And then they go and it's a bagpipe cover.
That's not you, though.
The name's different.
Yeah, it is.
It is.
I mean, I don't think they're actually falsely selling that.
I just think it's a funny sort of coincidence.
But it's sort of that likeness it gets close i don't know
it just feels weird it feels icky it's like it feels like you need to have a conversation with
the band and then get their blessing also most cover bands i don't think what kind of paperwork
that is around the world like i think the bands are like you're doing venues i would never do
and the people who are seeing you aren't like oh i saw the red the Red Hot Chili Pipers. I don't need to go see the
Red Hot Chili Peppers when they come. I think you still
make your money, so you're like, I don't give a fuck.
Because when a cover happens
within music, that's it. There's just not enough
money for them to care. That's the reason. It's not
a music thing. It's just there's not enough money for
them to care. Because please believe, if one of these cover
bands got poppin', they'd be
asking for the money. There are cover bands that pop, though.
But they also usually usually one point I just
want to make is that whenever an
artist
uses another artist's beat
and rhyme scheme for example
they do a cover of another one of
these songs like Drake song
or something like that they have to
if they're selling that pay them the publishing
the only way that they can put that song
out is if they're not profiting off of that song profiting off of that song maybe they could play at their concerts but if they're selling that, pay them the publishing. The only way that they can put that song out is if they're not profiting off of that song.
Profiting off of that song.
Maybe they could play it at their concerts,
but if they're actually trying to make significant money off that song,
they would have to pay everybody who's involved in the stealing of that
or the utilization of that music.
All the publishing they would have to pay.
So the issue with the cover band shit is not whether it's wrong or right.
It's just they don't make enough money
for the bands to keep
it's not worth worrying about
you were saying
there's an example
I mean yeah
I think like
Grateful Dead
is a bunch of like
cover bands
that like are famous
that like
deadheads will also go
to like their festivals too
and like they'll do
like these little
micro festivals and shit
I know that Grateful Dead
is touring with
John Mayer right now
but that's the actual band
right yeah yeah
no I'm talking like
it's completely like
offshoot
that does like their own covers and like they'll like do mashups and shit but also a lot
of cover bands don't only do yeah they'll do one band so like maddox in la yeah a blink 182 cover
band will do a lot of blink remember that yeah sunday night yeah but then they'll also do like
green day and they'll do like a bunch of other shit but like so they'll do like that generation
of that era in music i truly don't get going to watch a cover band. There was one.
Oh, I saw one.
It was lit.
It was like they were incredible.
They did all the covers.
They wore neck braces like they were nerds.
They had so many porn star fans.
No, no.
They were dope.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You would see them without this gear looking like Revenge of the Nerds.
But the hottest girls, proper Sunday.
I don't know.
Just fun. something different.
You're going to go to a club every single night
listening to the same music?
No, it was great.
And music live that you know is great.
It's the best.
It's awesome.
And then if you only have to pay $5 to go see it,
and it's actually good, it's awesome.
Yeah, I get it.
I just am very confident that if one of these cover bands
was making tens of millions of dollars,
you would find bare minimum, maybe not the band,
but the record labels would start.
Here's the legal legality of it,
is that these bands are allowed to perform any song they want in a venue
because the venue has a, they buy like a package from BMI
or one of these like music things that says you can play any
music in our venue but they can't sell that music and say yo this is a cover up so the so the
publishers are making money off of it yeah they're selling uh the rights to any song it's why like
in a bar they can play any music they want to a billion people who are paying money to get in that
bar because if you want to go on the dj thing like again i don't know exactly how this works but i imagine djs either buy the music themselves or they're streaming it and then
the artist is getting paid either off the purchase of the music or the stream yeah and then they're
also getting paid off of the venue that is licensing out the ability to play that music
right so the publishers are making sure they get theirs and the artists are going to get theirs and
at least they get a little off the cover bands but just it just seems kind of wild that you can go, I'm just going to make a living playing other people's music.
Yeah.
And not pay them at all.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's a little crazy.
Like, at least the DJ has to purchase the song.
It's $2.
Even if they might stream it.
Or they at least get to stream every time they play it.
Yeah, yeah.
And at least the DJ is kind of feeding the artist as well.
It could be a new artist.
You're breaking them.
But not the cover band.
The cover band is only satisfying the biggest fans of the actual band
that can't see the band.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, it's kind of weird.
You would never go see a cover band?
I don't get it.
You don't like music also.
I don't think you never go see a cover band i don't get it you don't like music also our guys
i don't think you like this type of music yeah i don't like stuff with the drum like rap and stuff
it doesn't make sense and rap live isn't usually great yeah and i don't i'm not fucking partying
so i'm just there like yeah i could be listening to this shit at home and the piece yeah that's
what it's not the cover band thing it's like yeah music after nine what is the point yeah
yeah come on aren't there noise ordinance laws i can't even hear myself think no it's not the cover band thing it's like music after 9 what is the point yeah come on
aren't there noise ordinance laws I can't even hear myself think
no it's so much fun
if there's music that you actually know
you know all the words to everyone knows it
everybody's singing along
it's karaoke bro come on
the thing is it's like it's the best of karaoke
and it's actually good
but also imagine there's instruments
so like you're hearing live music
but there's also karaoke You're hearing live music.
But there's also karaoke.
Have you ever been to live band karaoke?
The best karaoke there is.
If the people can sing.
If they can't sing, it gets a little Rofsky.
President Biden finally doing something good.
Let's go.
What do we got, Mark?
Break it down the attitude of the great negro at the time pitcher in the negro leagues went on to become a great pitcher in the pros into the major league baseball after jackie robinson his name was satchel
page he just kind of feel bad for him.
What's more, yeah, it's like, what's more embarrassing?
He doesn't want to do this.
Like, he doesn't want to be here.
He doesn't want to do this.
Maybe he dedicated his whole life to politics,
but I'd like to believe that, like, at 80 years old,
you start to go like, who gives a fuck?
You dedicated your whole life to comedy.
Like, at 80, do you want to be like,
oh, I'm not going to see my kids
because I got to be a comic every fucking day on the road?
This guy's a soldier. Every day he shows up and want to be like, oh, I'm not going to see my kids because I got to be a comic every fucking day on the road? This guy's a soldier.
Every day he shows up and has to be the president.
Yo, I think we need to start talking about how like Biden is a real one.
He's a patriot.
I feel bad for his party.
For his party, he's a fucking real.
And he lived long enough to like be racist ish, be not racist and then be racist-ish, be not racist,
and then be racist again.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Not like racist,
but like early in his career,
he got some wild shit, you know?
Yeah.
I mean, early in his life,
that was what you called him.
Yeah. You know what I mean?
That's what he grew up with.
That was the progressive term of the time.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
That is true.
I mean, it is called the Negro League.
Yeah.
And this is unfortunate
because he's not really calling the guy a Negro.
I think he's trying to say the great Negro League pitcher.
The great Negro League pitcher, Satchel Paige.
Exactly.
The words are hard when you're 80.
It's so difficult.
I know.
They're keeping this guy up 17, 18 hours a day.
Can't even remember his kids' names.
You got to remember fucking Satchel Paige and all his accolades?
Come on, bro.
Yeah, I mean, he's declining's declining Like we said this was gonna happen
We were like
God it ages you
But when you're already aged
And now you're going through this
I mean it's just
It's just pulp dude
You're just looking up there
Sawdust
On his podcast
What do you think?
Rogan mentioned that he's
Likely on Adderall
I'm sure that
Not here
Not here
Not here
But they have to
Like I mean they got crazy cocktails
Like
They have crazy cocktails.
They have crazy cocktails of things that you can consume to keep yourself up.
I'm sure that he is getting the best of the best,
and this is what is doing to him.
Without those cocktails, without Adderall,
without these other pharmaceuticals, I mean.
I mean, that guy was on something when he ran out on stage after he got elected, broke his fucking foot.
His own body was like, what's going on, yo?
This is not what we're meant to do right now.
Yeah, this poor guy, man.
I feel bad.
I feel bad.
But I also feel bad for us.
Because it's like, this is the guy who's supposed to represent our country.
Like, if another country had this guy as president, we would be destroying them.
Right for the taking.
Bro, Lomachenko's over in fucking Belarus, just like kidnapping people out of the sky.
Is his name Lomachenko? I think so. That's the boxer, isn't it? Lukashenko's over in fucking Belarus, just like kidnapping people out of the sky.
Is his name Lomaschenko?
I think so.
That's the boxer, isn't it?
Lukashenko.
I think it's Lukashenko.
I was about to be like, holy shit.
I didn't know they elected that guy.
It says Manny Pacquiao, eat your heart out.
That guy's just over in Belarus.
He literally just like kidnapping people from the sky. Like that journalist that was talking shit, the plane flies over, goes, no, get down here.
He's like, he works with a travel company in Belarus that's basically like bringing in like wealthy like Iraqis that want to be in Europe.
Okay.
And then putting them like basically on the border as like an intimidation tactic to like the surrounding countries to be like, yo, we're going to like negotiate.
And if the negotiation doesn't go well, all of a sudden you're going to have an immigration crisis in your country.
Wow.
So you're just like using these poor people from the Middle East as like a bargaining chip.
That's genius.
That's really smart.
It's fucking insane.
Because what, they told him something?
What'd they tell him?
What?
Europe criticized him for like the election fraud or something.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, a ton of shit.
They call him like the last dictator in Europe.
So like he's going, wait a minute.
I'm your shield for this Middle Eastern immigration problem, quote unquote, that you have.
You expect me to keep these motherfuckers out of your country, right?
And you're going to shit on me?
You like my tyrannical tactics when it comes to keeping people out of Europe.
You like the fact that I could just go fuck you and shoot every one of them motherfuckers
that cross the border. You like me keeping that I could just go fuck you and shoot every one of them motherfuckers that cross the border.
You like me keeping y'all shit quote unquote safe.
Yeah.
And then you're going to criticize how I'm here.
Democrats can't do the shit or what is it?
Democracies can't do the shit that I do.
Yeah.
You need a tyrant to keep people out of your country.
Yeah.
And the way that they keep them out of your country is they keep them out of our country.
Yeah. I'll let these motherfuckers in and your country is they keep them out of our country. Yep.
I'll let these motherfuckers in and funnel them right into Europe.
You keep talking your shit.
I like this.
I respect this man, yo.
You're not going to use me for what I am and criticize me for the same thing.
It is funny that he likes a dictator.
You tell him dictatorial tactics and he's like, yeah.
He gets fired up.
Yeah.
Finally.
I'm saying it's like.
Somebody I can get behind. So it's like this guy right here. I don't Finally. I'm saying it's like, think about it. Somebody I can get behind.
So it's like this guy right here.
I don't know.
You don't think that's hypocritical?
It's like all these people in Europe, all these European leaders, they know that they can't get away with these tactics because they're in these democratically run societies, right?
Yeah.
They know that they have to treat people like human beings.
So what they do is they tell Gaddafi.
They tell Lukashenko, they tell all these tyrants,
hey, since you guys don't treat people like human beings, do us a favor.
Handle the immigration crisis, would you?
Make sure that people don't leave.
And if they come into your country, you can shoot them, you can kill them, you can do
whatever the fuck you want, and we'll break you off with a little bread or do something
like that.
And then all of a sudden, he hears these whispers of european leaders criticizing what he got to do to maintain their and he's like oh no we're
not gonna have this that's like china a little bit we're like man we gotta pay people right here you
know what i mean but not over there you guys pay him nothing so we can have cheap and then
we criticize their sweatshops we're like what are you doing to those people i know it's unbelievable
it's a who the is buying it and i bet you're trying to look at us like i
know they're not talking about us i know i know they're not talking to us because every time we
get in a trade deal what do they ask for yeah cheaper labor yeah and why the i mean it's
unbelievable zero accountability yeah right i i respect it so he just scoops up your shit man
puts him on the border and goes yo remember these people he gives like a crazy visa too he's like
yo you basically just become citizens like he just gives them like a crazy visa too. He's like, yo, you basically just become citizens.
Like he just gives them like an insane visa situation.
I love it.
I love it.
You come in, you're tourist technically, but you're on like a tourist visa for 10 years.
What's life like in Belarus for citizens?
That shit is foul or that shit is, it's all right.
I don't know.
Who knows?
I've never been there.
I'll tell you, he looks a lot more intimidating with his military cap on than bald as fuck.
Yeah, that's facts.
He looked like a dictator up top.
Then that bald picture, that's just a guy on who's Guess Who. I mean, that's facts. He looked like a dictator up top.
Then that bald picture, that's just a guy on Guess Who. I mean, that's a great picture right there.
That's a Guess Who character.
You know that one right there?
Yeah, it looks like Mike Piazza.
Yeah.
That guy's a legend.
Yeah, that one.
And this guy's pathetic.
I'm not listening to that at all.
This guy's on the brink of death.
We got some mitts on him, though.
Look at the pants.
Why don't we put cool hats on our presidents?
We need to.
Biden could use a hat.
Biden needs a hat.
A hat, I think, would really help him.
Biden needs a helmet.
The aviators make him look cool.
Yeah.
When he's wearing the aviators, I'm like, all right, let's go.
It's too much decorum, dude.
It's just too much.
We're such fucking cucks with all that shit.
Remember Obama wore a tan suit?
People were like, how could he?
How could he wear a tan suit?
Look fly as fuck?
That's a problem?
Bruh, he's black.
Do you know what I mean?
We're changing the colors
Purple
Chill out you should have a fucking puka shell
Right, he's wearing a tan suit so you could flex a little bit and then he could serve and start freaking the fuck out
This is I respect that don't call me a piece of shit So you could look good when you are invested in my piece
of shitness yeah i i loved it when someone was saying like uh trump how could you remember like
they're like uh trump how are you okay with them killing these foreign officials i don't know if
he was talking about saudi arabia i don't talk about like russia and he just looked right at
the reporter he's like the fuck you think we do we'll be killing these motherfuckers too it's your
first time in america yeah. Welcome to the club.
Some shitty things gotta happen for you to live this cushy ass life.
Yeah.
So if you don't.
So here's what it is.
We just don't talk about it.
I'm fine.
Don't criticize Lukashenko for the shit that you are asking him to do.
Yeah.
And don't ask him or and don't question the fraudulence of his elections.
Yeah. Just stay quiet on both matters. okay you're gonna you're gonna you're gonna get dirty then let me get dirty if you're
involved in the dirt yeah it's like snitches it's like i'm okay to tell the cops like i'm allowed
to go tell the cops if somebody's breaking the law right i'm not being a snitch because i'm not
doing illegal shit right it's just the people that are involved in the illegal activity they
can't snitch because it's like like, yo, we all in this.
You know what I'm saying?
You are in this.
You are snitching.
Whoever took a shit to Luka Jango,
you are snitching.
In fairness, I don't think Biden's ever going to snitch.
Biden's not snitching,
because he doesn't remember what you told him.
He don't know.
He don't know nothing, bro.
He'd be a great person to confide in.
Oh, God, this poor guy, man.
I'm starting to feel a little bit bad for him.
Yeah. It is, and it's fucked up that we keep him out there. It's elder abuse. Oh, God. This poor guy, man. I'm starting to feel a little bit bad for him. Yeah.
It is.
And it's fucked up that we keep him out there.
It's elder abuse.
It is abuse.
It's elder abuse.
If this was happening in a retirement home where they're like, all right, 17 hours a
day.
Come on.
Get your bike in.
We're getting this shit going.
The retirement home gets shut down.
Leave my grandpa alone is what we would say, right?
Yeah.
It's inhumane.
It's inhumane.
It is inhumane.
Kamala, nowhere to be found, this bitch.
Yeah. Where are you at? What you doing?
On purpose
What is it like anytime she opens her mouth
People hate her on both sides
So they're like
We might need you to be president soon
Let's just wait for you to be around
For people to hate you
Because they don't have to keep you elected
You're the official for the next four years
Or the next two or whatever the fuck it is, no matter what.
But there's no chance they run her again.
Or they need them to hate her so much now so that they can start having a reason to put in someone new.
Michelle Obama's coming in round two.
Guaranteed.
No way.
2024, I don't think so.
2028, she might be in there.
Michelle Obama's going to what?
President.
She's going to run for president?
Obama don't want no more of that, bro.
Yeah, I think he's good.
Honestly, I'll be honest, though.
I would want my girl to run for president.
Why?
And then just nag her the same way that she was probably nagging him.
You never spent time with us.
Bitch, I'm blowing up brown people.
The fuck you want me to do?
You want me to be at dinner every single night?
There's brown people that are trying to get married,
and I need to blow them the fuck up to save America and protect us.
Okay?
These things need to get done.
Someone needs to flip the switch on these motherfuckers.
Yeah, that'd be great.
You always want your wife to do what you got to do.
That's a good point.
So they know what's up.
That's a good point.
One time.
Four years.
And then, oh, it was four, two, no, no, no.
Oh, is that?
I'm going to force my girl
to do stand-up one time.
Yeah.
I'll be like, yeah, how was that?
Yeah.
You enjoyed that?
Yeah.
Send her on tour, dog.
Send her on tour.
I'm going to.
Nah, tour is tour, dude.
Tour they might like too much.
You can't have them enjoy
the good parts of this shit.
No, no, no.
The hustle.
The hustle.
No, no.
On your own tour.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you go on your own tour.
Yeah, you got to.
You go perform at fucking Yuck Yucks on a Tuesday.
See how that is.
Yeah.
No, I feel bad for Biden.
And then also, like, if you're going to pronounce the name of, like, the Negro League, like,
you better get it.
You got to get that perfect.
Yeah, you got to really nail it.
Yeah.
It's like talking about the slut walk.
Like, you can't slip up.
I didn't even feel comfortable saying nag her.
I did.
You know what I mean?
I'm going to give my girl a hard time.
Yeah, I'm not going to do anything else.
I'm not going to say any other words.
Nope.
I'm going to make it difficult for them.
Annoy her.
Yeah, dude.
100%. Yeah.
100%.
I keep telling my girl, I'm like, yo, you got to work.
You got to work.
You got to work for a year minimum before we have kids. You sound like, you got to work. You got to work. You got to work for a year minimum before we have kids.
You got to work.
This is a conservatorship.
You got to work, girl.
Oh, I thought you meant I was.
Keep paying these bills for the family.
Nah, I mean, like, you got to work, man.
Because, like, if you want to not work, I don't want, I want you to know what you're missing. Or you're lucky enough to not work i don't want i want you to know what you're missing or you're lucky enough to not
do yeah like i want you to have that experience go try it all i'm doing the same thing my girl
i'm making her work in a coal mine make her work there yeah i'm putting her in a coal mine i'm
going yeah this is what could be for you if you were like a peasant 1800s you might have to
yeah fucking strike coal out of the Get that coal man I'm just saying
There is
There is a
There's
There are women out there
That
Resent
Their husbands
After they have kids
And that kind of shit
Because they're like
You know I did
I could have
I could have been this
Go see
I want you to first see
What it's like to do that
And if you love it
Then keep doing it
And we'll support it And we'll get help with the kids And all these other stuff And if you love it then keep doing it and we'll support it
and we'll get help with the kids and all these other stuff and if you hate it and you want to
take care of kids and also do your other business on the side etc i'll support that as well but i
don't ever want to be the source of your resentment no like i took something away from you 100 i want
to be your savior yeah i say remember how awful that job was remember when i saved you yeah remember i said
you could just hang out all day and watch netflix yeah as long as you push a child out of your body
just watch the shit i'm on yeah yeah just watch me yeah anyway okay uh anything else before we
get out of here talk hypocrisy at the uh cop 26 conference which is the climate change conference
they set the record for CO2 emissions.
Wow. Citing air travel as the
main culprit. Yeah, I mean, it's so stupid.
In 2019, they didn't have
as many emissions as they did in this one specifically.
Y'all can't do this over Zoom.
I know you did it over Zoom during the pandemic.
Just Zoom, man. What do you think is going to happen
when we meet up? Where was that little climate bitch?
Was she there this year?
Say what? They didn't she there this year? Who? Greta? Say what?
They didn't invite her this year, huh?
They didn't?
She probably was annoying them about,
I almost said nag too.
She was probably annoying them about fucking,
you guys, we should really work to reduce the CO2 emissions.
Hey, let's walk from meeting to meeting.
They're like, throw that bitch out.
She was trying to sail, right?
She would sail everywhere.
She was like, I'm going to sail to America
in order to fucking whatever, whatever.
That's the whitest shit.
A Viking sailing to America.
Talking about fucking pollution.
Nah, this is stupid ass shit, man.
Shut up, little girl.
Just cut up the glaciers.
Yeah, are you pissed you didn't get invited?
Yeah.
You should have gone.
I should have gone to that shit.
I literally could fix it.
That's the Met Gala for politics
That's what it is
You just go there you fucking fly your private jet you pretend you make a bunch of speeches about how you want to change
Things you ain't changing nothing. There's a few of these types of like charity events that they do that at God
What was the other one? There's one in like Europe the g20. No, it's not even political
They're like it's for just those people Davos
Davos and there's another ones like a rich like it's almost like a party and they act like it's not even political. They're like, it's for just rich people. Davos. Davos. And there's another one. It's like a rich, like it's almost like a party and they act like it's, oh, let's raise
money for charity or awareness.
Amfar.
Yeah.
That's it.
That's the biggest, that's the biggest rich people hustle is let's spend $4,000 per plate
for charity.
And that money ain't going nowhere except next year's fundraiser.
Yeah.
Fucking unbelievable.
Guys, this has been an episode of Flagrant 2.
Thank y'all so much for listening.
We will see you on Patreon this Fridayiday patreon.com slash flagrant 2 uh we love y'all we appreciate
y'all and we'll see you soon