Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Hakimi’s Wife Was RIGHT & Drake’s A.I. Music w/ Adam Rowe
Episode Date: April 18, 2023What’s up people, y’all know Adam Rowe from his podcast “Have a Word” and his many comedy specials 0:00 UK and Turkey need to create a master race 03:27 English cuisine is just adding fries 0...4:56 Gordon Ramsey has gone soft 05:43 British Empire + The Beatles sold out 08:58 Liverpool are the Italians of the UK 10:49 Adam’s ranks ethnics + dumbo voters + Constitution is the Goat 15:48 Liverpool rioting + beefing with everyone + G checking bins 19:40 Everyone knew Paddy Pimblett was the truth 22:44 Scouse’s view on Russia - Ukraine + UK hates refugees 25:56 The sweetheart and the thief 33:45 Dr Catford is the greatest 40:03 KSI drama with the Stanis + Whites the best at racism 52:55 Saying the N word + shout out the Bangos 58:32 Poles are the Mexicans of UK + Wassup my J*p? 01:07:58 Black Alan the Taxi Driver 01:12:38 UK talking funny + dirty Scouse talk 01:16:41 Akaash backlash from Gujaratis 01:19:34 Adam loves country music + “I don’t believe White Christians” 01:22:14 Co-host Dan HATES country music until now 01:25:41 Adam loves fat MILKERS + CAKES 01:27:26 Have a Word might come to the US + UK Tour 01:37:04 Achraf Hakimi finessing + Soccer stars protection 01:45:20 AI - fun distraction or disruptive? 01:51:44 ChatGPT’s version of Adam’s comedy 01:53:10 Banning TikTok + Zuckerberg is our slave + Child Labour 02:00:42 Freedom to try + “Juicy” + next special 02:12:52 Edinburgh Fringe audience different to comedy fans
Transcript
Discussion (0)
There was some drama out there recently with KSI and the Sidemen.
Yeah.
The word, it is short for Pakistani.
Yes.
Isn't that racist?
It is.
Well, yeah.
Well, maybe.
Maybe.
Sorry.
Can we also?
French people are rude and stink.
They are.
Polish people wear a card for cheap.
Yeah.
Irish people wear a card for cheap and they're stupid.
Hakimi's wife filed for divorce.
She goes to get half his money.
Turns out it's filed under his mom's name.
Fantastic.
This is how you know she was pure.
She never asked where the money was going.
This isn't some gold digger.
My mom would make bolognese when we were growing up.
Bolognese?
Does that sound like a gay night out?
Ball and AIDS?
Ball and AIDS.
What's up, everybody?
Welcome to Flagrant.
Today, we are joined by rising comedic talent, absolutely hilarious gentleman.
Some of you know him very well from his appearances here on Flagrant, but of course from his podcast, his comedy specials,
and just being a truly trailblazing individual out there in the UK.
It's Adam Rowe, man.
Hey!
Adam Rowe, man.
What's up, Adam?
I wasn't ready for that introduction.
I know, I know.
It throws off comedians.
Like, comedians don't know how to handle compliments.
Yeah, it's just not...
Oh, shit, you're getting your teeth fixed and everything.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, I take back everything I said.
I thought this guy was, like, a real Liverpool scouser piece of shit,
but you're coming up big.
So, in Liverpool now, the thing with your teeth,
most people go to Turkey.
Yes.
Have you seen the Turkey teeth?
You treat it like hair.
So they shave it down
to like pins
and then they put like a...
Can I tell you something
about Europe
that really fucking bothers me?
Yeah, go on.
Is that you won't let Turkey
into the European Union,
but you all go there
for the beaches,
you go there for the hair,
you go over there for the teeth.
It's like,
fuck you guys, man.
Do you think I run the EU?
You fucking run it, man.
You're the guy.
Out of rope.
There's nobody else in the Patreon that's making millions.
They keep bringing me on, Turkey wants to come in.
I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no.
They actually ran for the EU.
No, no, no, no, no.
They actually left the EU.
There's a line between Turkey and Europe.
That's what they're doing.
But for real, man.
They left the EU so Turkey could get in, probably.
That's probably why England did it.
So that was a big part of the campaign for the people who wanted to leave.
They were like, hey, Turkey's going to join.
They deserve it.
You know what they're like with their fucking hot women and straight teeth.
So let's just fucking leave.
Why doesn't Britain and Turkey create their own just master European conglomerate?
Because you both have everything that you need, right?
You guys are bald.
Your teeth are fucking jacked.
You're pale, right?
They're just covered in hair, right?
And, well, I don't know.
They're fat, too.
But I'm just saying, bringing you guys together,
you get the pigment that you guys always needed, right?
I'm all for it.
I'm all for it.
But if you can convince the racists
to actually vote,
because they just think
everyone's...
Isn't that racist?
It is.
Well, yeah.
Well, maybe.
Maybe.
Sorry.
I mean, also,
that was a good answer.
That was a good answer.
Okay.
So they don't like...
But is it racism
or is it, like,
culturalism?
Because in America,
it's racism
because we all
got the same culture.
Okay. Like, you can be
American and different color skin,
and I just don't like you for that.
You know what I mean?
Whereas in Europe, it's
at least like, everything's fucking
kebab. You know what I mean?
Like, they just don't like your culture.
But we want all their culture, we just don't want
their fucking people. Well, that's on them.
Don't make your culture better than you.
Yeah, that's fair enough.
I think what Britain has done,
I think what the West,
like America is a bit different,
but Britain in particular,
we take food from all around the world.
Because your food sucks.
And then we add fries to it
and we go, now that's English.
That's fine, bro.
I like that.
I've never been for an Indian curry
and not had fries with it.
Really?
Ever.
That blows my fucking mind.
How does that make you feel, though?
How does that make you feel?
I don't mind it.
Are they bastardizing your dish
or are they making it better?
I don't mind it.
When my mum would make bolognese...
To be honest,
my wife loves Indian food
and loves fries.
She would love England.
White people make everything better.
It's like minorities,
you got the idea,
but you just need some whites
to mold it into something great.
Yeah, branding.
Yeah, just cut some of the
potatoes up
fry them
that's it
when my mum would
make bolognese
when we were growing up
and she was really good at it
she would make
a plate of fries
to go
what would you like
a gay night out
bolognese
bolognese
bolognese
bolognese
San Francisco
in the 80s
okay so she would make bolognese and she would make a plate of fries to go with She was in San Francisco in the 80s.
Okay, so she would make bolognese, yeah.
And she would make a plate of fries to go with the bolognese.
That's good.
Of course it's good. When a fry's bad.
It makes everything better.
And I hate how they look at you guys like,
you don't know what the fuck you're doing with food.
I even say that with British people.
Oh, they don't know what's going on with food.
You've got the best cooking show on the planet.
Which is?
British Bake Off.
Okay.
And Gordon Ramsay. Gordon Ramsay, right? And fries with everything, food you got the best cooking show on the planet which is british bake-off okay and gordon ramsay
gordon ramsay right and fries with everything which does make it better anytime you go out
on a date with a girl it could be your wife girlfriend doesn't matter she goes let's also
get some fries to share totally gordon ramsay's gone off a cliff because he started doing tiktoks
with his daughter what's wrong with that what's wrong with that because he's losing like he was
the scary shouty like like guy, everyone was fucking, wow.
It's a sexual?
What is it, what kind of TikTok?
Yeah, he's fucking his daughter on TikTok, yeah.
It's weird it hasn't been taken down,
but they've got hundreds of thousands of followers.
Is he criticizing her as he's doing it?
Like body shaming her and shit like that?
This is shit!
This is, this is,
cock the balls, you've got to cock the balls.
It's a turducken for a reason.
Do you guys have turducken out there?
No.
Oh, this is where you put a turkey inside a duck.
That's what they're going to call their new country with turkey.
This is peak America right here.
Yeah.
What is it?
It's a chicken inside a duck inside a turkey.
Three birds.
How the fuck?
Like, how do you struggle to get a chicken to be cooked to the right temperature?
That's British of you.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's British.
Bro, don't let them shame you, bro.
Britain is really
the second greatest empire ever.
Yeah, but...
And you created
the first best one.
So it's like...
Best one.
Yeah.
I'm just saying,
you guys are all about it.
Yeah.
And you almost destroyed
the next one that's coming in.
Like, you guys saw it coming.
You saw the Chinese rising
and you're like,
give them fucking opiate addictions,
right?
Yeah.
And it worked for a little bit.
I'm giving you credit
for everything British.
Do you know what I mean?
You know how black people
take credit for like
every great black guy?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So like LeBron dunks
for the free throw line
and black people are like,
that was me.
We did that.
We was in the gym
shooting the widows.
So I do that with scousers.
I do that with people
from Liverpool. Like the Beatles. Yeah, the Beatles. Paddy and Molly in the gym shooting. So I do that with scousers. I do that with people from Liverpool.
Like the Beatles.
Yeah, the Beatles,
Paddy and Molly
in the UFC.
Let me ask you a question.
Are the Beatles
really from Liverpool?
Yeah.
So why don't they
talk like y'all?
Because they have to
go away and
also they're from
so what you guys
don't understand
over here is
the amount of accents
in the UK is crazy.
And there's even-
No, you're so different.
I can-
What diversity?
I can tell you where in Liverpool someone's from.
Listen, I'm on this side.
Yeah, why are you talking about this?
What are you talking about?
You're still there with the prize thing.
That's what it is.
I ain't no problem with the prize thing.
All right, guys. Your boy't no problem with the prize thing.
All right, guys.
Your boy's out there doing some shows again.
I'm going to be at Gary V's VCon on May 19th.
And then on May 20th, I'll be at the Hard Rock Live in Northern Indiana.
That's Gary, Indiana, home of Michael Jackson.
So, you know, we got to pay our respects, tongues out.
And then I'll also be at the Pechanga Resort and Casino June 23rd in Temecula, California.
I believe that one's already sold out.
But we'll see what we can do about some tickets for that one.
And then, of course, Calgary.
Calgary, the Great Outdoors Comedy Festival.
Make sure you go get tickets for that.
That's August 27th.
And so you can get tickets
at theandrewschultz.com.
I think we're going to be
announcing a few more shows
for this summer
as we get warmed up
and geared up
for the next tour.
So I'll let you guys know.
Thank you guys so much
for your support as always.
And I'll see you guys out there.
Now, but you do have
different accents
every like 30 minutes.
Less than that.
I can tell you which area
of Liverpool someone's from.
So the Beatles are all from South Liverpool, which is slower.
But is South Liverpool
also just like London?
Because that's what they sound like, that they're from London.
And I think it's a bunch of fucking horse shit
that they're from Liverpool. They've moved around, they've been all over the world.
There's some private school kids, bro.
Just talk that shit. It is what it is.
Yeah, that's what they've become. They're fucking
billionaires. Their voice is gonna,
you can't be a billionaire
with this voice.
You can't be going into
meetings with the richest
people in the world
and be like,
how are we, lads?
You alright?
Do you want a fucking seat?
We want to open up
an Amazon factory.
Like the Beatles
talk a lot slower.
It's, you know,
I'm getting on the bus.
So they sold out?
Is that what you're saying?
Totally.
None of them ever fucking came back. Paul McCartney come back quite a bit. John Lennon couldn't come back, I'm getting on the bus. So they sold out? Is that what you're saying? Totally. None of them ever fucking came back.
Paul McCartney come back quite a bit.
John Lennon couldn't come back
because he got shot in the face.
Ringo's like,
I'm never going back.
Like, you know,
they're idols in Liverpool
because of what they did,
but they didn't say so.
How did Liverpool react
when he got shot in his head?
I wasn't alive.
You were alive for everything.
Bro, you know everything
in all of Liverpool's history
and I need you to sit here
and tell us.
What was it like?
I think people were
really fucking sad.
Yeah, I think there was
a few riots, I think.
Do you think they rioted more
then or when like the Sun
reported that horrible thing
about Liverpool or whatever?
Oh, well, the Sun report
on the Hillsborough disaster is
just, like, you can't buy
the Sun newspaper in Liverpool. Like, a shopkeeper
will tell you to get off the shop.
So that's what I'm talking about, bro.
Liverpool's a cocky, it's
New York is much more similar to
Liverpool than it is to London. You guys are like
the Italians of
Great Britain. Yeah, and it's just
like, if you give Liverpool
a vote on independence,
we would probably take it.
Even though it would be,
like,
a disaster.
Catastrophic.
Total disaster,
like, economically.
Yeah.
I think Liverpool would be like,
yeah, fuck,
because Liverpool,
as a people,
feel like totally disenfranchised
from central Britain.
Why does everybody
give you guys a bad rap?
Why do they ever say,
like,
you guys are just on the dole
or whatever,
you're, like, lazy?
Why do people say that about you?
Fuck, you know that word,
it's so funny.
Bro, my family's Scottish, we've been on the dole or whatever you're like lazy why do people say that about that way it's so funny my family's scottish we've been on the dole for generations yeah so it's because liverpool gives itself an us against the world mentality and anyone who does
that the world goes well fuck you then fuck you then yeah especially if you're in a socialist
nation where everybody's supposed to be looking out for one another and then you've got this one
little tiny part of it that's like but liverpool is probably the most socialist part of the uk
like certainly in ideology like scousers are like let's make sure everyone's okay yeah you can make
money and become a huge success but let's tax those who do so that no one's fucking starving
and a lot of the rest of the uk hate that england is quite a conservative country like
generally speaking the cities aren't as they tend not to be over there.
But in the countryside and stuff, they're all...
Can you honestly rank the non-whites for me?
Okay.
In my order of how much I like them.
Yeah, yeah.
Most of the law is up there.
Are we talking to hang out with at a bar, to eat with, because it changes depending on the situation?
We could go overall, but we could also get specific.
Hang out at a bar.
Let's start with that.
This is actually really good.
Hang out at a bar.
Be careful.
You know what, though?
To his credit, it's kind of not racist that he was like, but what am I doing with them?
That's the least racist way to do it.
It does make a difference.
Like if I'm going on a gay bashing,
I want some Jamaicans with me.
So what would be your rank?
Because there's this immigrant problem in Europe
that we don't really understand.
Yeah.
Right?
Well, the people in Europe
don't even fucking understand it.
There's a really famous video
from when after Brexit happened.
So Brexit was just England leaving the EU.
And the next morning they were like,
so sir, how did you vote yesterday?
And he's like, yeah, I voted to leave.
And they were like, so why did you?
And he went, it's all about immigration.
It's okay people coming in.
And he's just racist.
He goes, it's okay people coming in from Poland and French.
That's fair enough.
But Africa, no.
And that's why I voted to leave.
You don't know what you're fucking doing.
We haven't left Africa.
We've stopped the French people coming.
And he just walks off from the interview.
And that guy has got the same leverage with voting
as someone who fucking knows what it's about.
No, that's a problem.
Not everybody should be allowed to vote.
No, you should just have to vote.
No, isn't that fire?
I love that.
It's so exciting.
Every time.
Dude, the elections back in the day, think about how exciting they were.
It's so funny.
Like, are we going to have to free these people tomorrow?
Like, that was every election.
Like, you'd go to sleep like, I won't vote.
Sorry, boys.
It was probably better because there wasn't disparity in education,
disparity in everything that there is now,
and everybody would vote probably back then
because you had shit else to do.
Right, right.
I think elections are going to have to change
in the next sort of 50 to 100 years, like completely,
because as the internet gets bigger,
it's stupid people who don't look into anything.
They just see a tweet and go, oh, that's a fact.
And I'm going to take that as a fact
and run with it as if it's a fact like that guy.
I feel like you're passive aggressively describing our show.
Yeah.
I'm no better.
I shouldn't be allowed.
I'm not saying let me decide things right away.
I agree.
I would be way on the back of the bus,
like, let's put these guys on a fucking fairground ride
and while we do the vote,
I'm going on the rollercoaster.
I'm not in the fucking...
The crazy thing is if you actually had to, like,
pass a test to be able to vote,
no one would vote
because no one would go
take that test.
Yeah.
Do you know what I'm saying?
But the people who really want to
would take it, sure.
Those people are so gay.
Yeah, of course they are.
Like, people who, like,
love politics.
Yes, you should vote.
No, because they care.
They, like, know all the Constitution.
They know all of it.
The whole thing.
They're like,
oh, this fucking...
You know the first two
and you out.
Yeah, guns. You know the first two and the fifth
wait what was
oh yeah fifth
I don't gotta say shit
and then why should I
need to learn the rest of it
I plead the fifth
I should be allowed
to say anything
and then also
I shouldn't say anything
that's it
freedom
and guns
I have the freedom
to say fuck all
and if you wanna take that away
I'm gonna shoot
yeah that's all you need to know
and also
this is important here
I truly believe the
constitution is the greatest document
that has been put together by
mankind
and I know three sentences
from it
and that didn't hit me until right now
if you ask me how the constitution starts I would say four score and 12 years ago.
Not even close.
I want a drink.
White kids.
And white kids.
There we go.
The world is a vampire.
Ask to knock, but there's nothing you can do about it.
So yeah, we don't really know what it is, but it is fire.
I don't even know if we have one.
I think you guys tried to dick ride.
Yeah.
Like after we got a constitution.
We tried to take your one?
You tried to dick ride.
Everybody tries to dick ride.
You did like a cover constitution.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Like when every country goes democratic, they try to dick ride and get a constitution.
Yeah, yeah.
We just tried to retweet your one.
We were like, that one looks good enough.
We'll just have that.
Iraq almost had one.
Iraq almost had this.
You know how many women got beaten reading it?
And you've got to feel bad for them because they're so excited, right?
There's like a new constitution.
A virtue gaze.
Anyway, where do you rank the Iraqi immigrants?
I've got to go with who I hung out with.
Okay, go with who you hung out with.
Who's the best, man?
Who should we look for when we come to Liverpool?
When you come to Liverpool?
Yeah.
I mean, you know, that's like playing...
You're mainly only going to meet white people.
Like, it's not that multicultural.
There's like 35 black guys,
and they all just hang out together,
and then the rest of us just go...
You know what I mean?
Do they...
When you say hang out together,
are they on the team?
Yeah.
Basketball court?
There's a small bit of
Liverpool called Toxics where the majority of
the black guys from Liverpool live.
And that's where, like, there was a lot of riots in the 80s
because of racism and shit. Oh, really?
And Liverpool knows how to riot when they
fucking want to as well. Wait, they know how to get
it in? Oh, yeah, yeah. The Liverpool riots were
fucking toxic. Really? Yeah. If you look at, they know how to get it in? Oh, yeah, yeah. The Liverpool riots were fucking toxic.
Really?
Yeah.
If you look at the images of it,
it looks like the whole city's on fire.
It's great.
It's great.
It's great now that it was back then and we can just look at it.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
When you see a picture of a disaster
and you're like,
do you know what?
It's not good that it happened,
but that's going to make a great patent.
Isn't that just every time
you guys lose a soccer match?
Yeah, pretty much
pretty much
wow
wow that is crazy
oh yeah they would
fuck a shit up
but it's such a small town
so like you know
who's van you're fucking
right
no it's not that small
that ain't shit
to be honest with you
it's like a million people
oh okay that's big enough
okay okay okay
because sometimes
when I think of
like what is that
what is that area
called Yorkshire
yeah
is that where it's like
Manchester so Manchester Leeds? Yorkshire? Yeah. Is that where it's like Manchester, Leeds?
So, Yorkshire's a county.
So, Leeds is in Yorkshire.
You were there last year.
Yeah.
So, that's in Yorkshire.
Leeds is one of the biggest cities there.
And then you've got Sheffield and Harrogate and York, obviously.
Manchester's in Manchester, in Greater Manchester.
Well, that makes sense.
Liverpool's in Merseyside.
Okay.
Because it's the side of the River Mersey.
Yeah.
But Liverpool don't like everyone else from Merseyside.
So it seems like you guys have a lot of beef with the people around you.
Yeah.
And the people around you don't really like you guys.
No, the people really close to Liverpool want to be Scousers.
They want to be from Liverpool.
So if you meet someone from, like,
the whittle is the other side of the river.
It's like people from Long Island say they're from New York,
and it's like, come on.
That's exactly what it is.
If you meet, they'll be like, oh, I'm from Liverpool,
but if I'm an earshot, I've got to come over
and fucking correct them, you know what I mean?
Be like, say that again, slower,
so I can pinpoint exactly where you're from.
You're not from fucking Liverpool.
And one of the...
So you will just G-check them on that?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
What color's your bin?
Whoa!
Whoa!
Do you know the bin that you put in your trash bin?
It is, it is.
Oh, my God.
I thought you were talking about your nanny or something.
You got a black nut?
Yeah, you're in.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Whoa, okay, so you guys have a specific colour bin in Liverpool.
Yeah, it's purple.
And all the neighboring counties are either maroon or black.
And if you're not purple, you're not from Liverpool.
Yeah, that's color war, bro.
That's your blood and blood relationship, bro.
No, for real, I like that.
How would you check if someone's a New Yorker?
What school?
I've seen this happen.
They ask, what school did you go to?
And if you don't got a PS in front of a number, you're not from New York. Yeah, so it's like, I've seen this happen. They ask, what school did you go to? And if you don't got a PS in front of a number,
you're not from New York.
Yeah, so it's like... That's good.
I've seen this happen.
I saw them G-check each other on the street one time.
Andrew came up to some random girl.
She came to a show or something.
I grew up here.
Oh, where'd you go?
What school did you go to?
Long time ago.
Legit, like two years into comedy.
Long years ago.
Like two years into comedy.
I don't know how she recognized me, to be honest with you.
Two years into comedy.
Okay. You grew up, bro. You grew up into comedy. God years into comedy. I don't know how she recognized me, to be honest with you. Two years into comedy. Okay.
Yeah, bro.
You're into comedy.
God damn, man.
Yeah.
We're on the street.
It wasn't even an apartment.
Yeah.
But it was like, yeah.
What school did you go to?
You trying to say I can't pull something on the street?
Yeah.
I am trying to say two years into comedy, I can't pull something on the street?
I am.
That's the safer one to go with.
Fair enough.
Fair enough.
But yeah, it was like PS6.
I didn't even know I was getting pussy back in the day, yo.
PS6. Say what? PS6. PS6. He said it enough that fair enough. I didn't even know I was getting pussy back in the day. PS6?
Say what?
PS6?
PS6?
He's said it enough that I know.
He's g-checked enough people that I know.
No, that's what we do.
You go, like, where are you from?
And then somebody goes, oh, I'm from New York.
And then when you kind of feel like they're not,
you say it curiously.
You go, oh, shit, where did you go to high school?
As if we might know the same people.
And they're like, oh, well, actually from Maine,
but then I've been here
10 years.
See, the accent
is so obvious
with Liverpool
that if I heard someone go,
I'm from Liverpool,
I'd be like,
no, you're not.
You're not.
You're from the Willow
or Southport
or St. Helens
which are like
the satellite towns.
You'll just know.
And then,
where do you go to schools?
Like if someone is
from Liverpool,
that's how you'll sort of,
that's the next,
but like we already know whether they are or not, that's the next, but like we already know
whether they are or not.
That's the next.
And like my school produced
a lot of like people
like Steven Gerrard
went to my school.
Paddy, the baddie Pimblitt
went to my school.
Hey!
Shout out to Paddy, bro.
Yeah, he was like
three years below me.
Yeah?
Oh, really?
Did you guys ever tussle?
Are you fucking crazy?
Like people knew
when he was in school
that he was...
That dude?
Yeah, he was just a guy, like, he was the guy who could fight.
Oh, really?
Yeah, yeah, like, people, like, everyone knew.
Like, there's a lot of fight.
I went to an all-boys school.
Yeah.
So there's always a lot of fight in any way.
And then every year, there's, like, you know, that's the guy.
That guy's great.
Yeah.
That guy's great.
And then he channeled it into MMA when he was, like, I don't know.
Yeah, I mean, he's killing it.
This is in high school?
No way.
Yeah, apparently.
This is footage of him just fighting in the bathrooms in high school.
Oh, wow.
He's fucking this guy up.
And you're asking me, did I have a tussle?
Bro, I mean, is that your bathroom?
Who's this other dude?
That's his school bathroom, yeah.
Who's this other dude just taking shots?
I mean.
All right.
He's a tough son of a bitch.
I bet.
I mean, Paddy's a professional
UFC fighter.
Oh, wait a minute.
Oh, fuck.
Wait, Paddy's a blonde, right?
Yeah.
Oh, he'd get fucked up
now, though.
Son, this kid's got
arches and red sweats.
Do you know what's
fucking crazy about this?
I've seen this video
at the time,
and this is the first time
I've seen it since.
Hold on, hold on.
I remember this video going around school.
That's the end of the video.
No, it's 37 seconds and it's 39.
You dumbass.
Yo, Mark is a hater, son.
Mark is a, I knew Mark was a hater.
No, hold on, hold on.
Early stoppage.
Patty, you need to know that there's a hater on the podcast.
It was an early stoppage.
Mark and Vinny, only cute motherfucker with long hair.
So you take the one video
where Patty gets dropped
by some kid in high school
and then you stop it
two seconds before
he actually annihilates him.
He didn't tell me
to keep going.
I didn't know.
I smell hate on this
for an early stop.
Because you could see him
catching him.
Right?
You could see it.
And then I go,
keep playing.
He goes,
oh, that's the end of the video.
Oh,
before the amazing knockout.
That guy was from Manchester.
I was rooting for him.
I was rooting for the other guy.
Yo, shout out to Patty, but he does get caught, bro.
He still gets caught.
He may work on that defense.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But he knows that as well.
He does.
Yeah.
Like, if you watch his recent things, he's like, he's, because after that last fight,
he was very, like, bullish in the interviews.
He's like, fuck that guy.
I definitely won.
And I think he's looked at it and gone, oh, I was a bit sloppy there.
Yeah.
But, like, look what he's done in, like, a couple of years in the UFC. Bro, it's unbelievable what he's looked at it and gone, oh, I was a bit sloppy there. Yeah. But look what he's done in a couple of years in the UFC.
Bro, it's unbelievable
what he's done.
He's incredibly charismatic
and he understands the game
and he plays into the game.
Yeah.
He understands how to build
a personality
and he understands that
the more that people root for him,
the more money he's going to make
in the UFC.
Totally.
And a big part of that as well
is Liverpool.
Liverpool's a very parochial city, so having a full city, it's like-
What does that word mean?
It means like get behind their own.
Okay, got it.
Like you're from Liverpool, we're going to back you.
Yeah.
And you know, you still have a few haters, and once you get really big, like people who
are jealous, like, oh, fuck that guy, I don't like him, or whatever.
But in general, Liverpool is a, he's from here, he's doing well, we're all behind him.
Yo, I want to learn more about like what's going on in Europe right now.
So how do you guys feel about the Russia-Ukraine thing?
What's the sentiment out there?
Specifically Liverpool.
I like to just laugh in my guy's face like that.
Do you know if you'd have just paused you before you, you know when we went from Paddy Pimblick then?
If you could just pause and go,
right, here's a multiple choice of what...
Where is Andrew going next?
It was Paddy's haircut.
It reminded me of Russia for some reason.
And then I just went, yeah.
Because Americans don't care anymore.
It's kind of sad, but we've just kind of moved on entirely.
Yeah, people aren't really talking about it anymore.
Really?
Yeah.
But it's right over there.
But that's so far away.
Is it?
It just is.
It's so far away.
Yeah.
The funniest thing
I can tell you about that
is, so one of our producers
on our podcast,
his name's Finn,
he's from a place
in North Wales
called Rhyl, right?
Uh-huh.
It's about an hour and 20
from Liverpool.
Yeah. And like North Wales, there's really, right? It's about an hour and 20 from Liverpool. Yeah.
And like North Wales,
there's really beautiful parts of it,
but a lot of it
is just a fucking shithole.
Yeah.
And there was
a Ukrainian refugee
who got put in Rhyl.
Oh, wait a minute.
And she went home.
No.
She said,
fuck this,
I'm going back.
She went back.
Why?
Because Rhyl is shit.
Because war-torn Ukraine is up-grade on Rhy back. She went back. Why? Because real is shit. Because war's on Ukraine.
It's better than Wales.
Wow.
Holy fuck.
Wow.
Real it's called? Real.
R-H-Y-L.
Or real. If you're from
Wales and you want to keep that language alive.
Which most people don't.
Okay, so you guys got a bunch of refugees.
Yeah.
And are the days of looking and caring for them over?
Is it kind of an annoyance now?
I think what people expected was...
You know, like when your family visits,
it's like, oh, it's great to see you,
and then two weeks later, you're like...
In the guest room bag.
Yeah.
I also think a lot of people expected them
to just be really hot women.
And it was just good.
I think that's why it was so accepted that, like,
they were like, what, there's some Ukrainians who need some shelter.
I've got a double bed and she is welcoming me.
You read that story about the guy who took in the Ukrainian refugee
then they became a couple, he divorced his wife or left his girl or something like that.
But then the Ukrainian woman left him
and now he's single again.
But like,
that's what,
people were like,
you know what,
because like,
Britain has got a problem
like as a country
where like,
the conservatives in the country
are like,
we don't want any refugees.
That's a big part
of why they left the EU.
And it's like,
no, no,
no more immigration,
no one from Syria,
no one from Turkey,
no one from any of these
fucking war, no, no, no, no, from Turkey no one from any of these fucking war
no no no
that's their problem
it's not our problem
and then it was like
we need to put some
Ukrainian people up
and people were like
you know what
let's give this one a go
yeah
it's just women and children
yeah
they were very specific
who was coming over
I will have the women
you know the children
can be in the kennel
with the dog
yeah
did anybody get a hot one
the guy who left his wife did anybody get a hot one the guy who
left his wife for one
she was hot
but then
she's obviously
got bored of him
yeah
would you take in any
I would yeah
I've got a spare
I've got two spare rooms
wait you're single now
or are you already
I've got a partner yeah
already
yeah
fuck man
you like stay
you're like Pam Anderson
you just stay
with a boyfriend
well girlfriend
I was single for
like
nearly a year
yeah
yeah
and then I started
seeing someone
and it's gone quite well
so we just sort of
okay
that's what you said
last time though
so
last time you were here
yeah
yeah
thanks to us
you got out of a bad
relationship really
I think
absolutely was not
thanks to you
I think it was our
we were the reason
yeah yeah yeah
you took me to one side and you were like there's something bad about thanks to you. I think it was us. We were the reason. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You took me to one side
and you were like,
there's something bad about this.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I sense it.
Can I be honest?
Can I be completely honest?
Yeah.
I didn't know the difference
between the last girl
and the girl before that.
Yeah.
I thought they were
the same girl.
No.
So a few years ago
when we first come over here.
I'm being honest
because we went out
to go have like lunch together.
Breakfast, yeah, yeah.
And it was the new one. No, no, no no no so when did i meet the new one when i first come over i think it was 2018 yeah i met you for breakfast and this is what's
really funny right so like i don't know whether people know the way me and you met and sort of
became acquainted i was watching your videos as well as a comic big fan of comedy
and I messaged you
and was like
I'm coming to your show
in London
let me know if you need an opener
on the day you're like
yeah come and do it
so I've been watching your stuff
I've always got like
comedy on around the house
when I'm just
and the girl I was with
when I came over
the first time
before she met you
she fucking hated you
she fucking hated you
wait why
do you know why
because of
do you not know why
because I'm curious
I'm curious
because of like
his style of comedy
which is abrasive
and confrontational
and stuff
and she was just like
it's offensive
I don't fucking like it
and I was like
okay cool
and then we landed
in New York
and I text you
and you're like
right let's go for
breakfast tomorrow
that was my first
morning in New York
so we wake up
and she goes she goes where you going and I was like oh I'm let's go for breakfast tomorrow. That was my first morning in New York. Yeah. So we wake up and she goes,
she goes, where are you going?
I was like, oh, I'm going to meet Andrew
for some breakfast.
And she goes, oh, can I come?
I don't want you to just be leaving
on the first morning in New York.
I was like, I'm sure it'll be fine, come down.
And she left that breakfast
and it was so funny
because she had this look on her face as we left
and she was like, I feel really bad.
And I was like, why?
She went, it's so nice.
Because like in comedy,
like a lot of comedians can be a bit rude
when you,
with your partner.
Like,
they'll like,
if your partner's there,
they're just talking to you,
like talking sharp,
talking about comedy.
And you just didn't do that.
And you were just like,
you were asking her questions
more than you were even asking me questions,
just getting it.
And she was like,
he's giving me more attention
than any of your friends that have met me,
like from back home.
She's like, I feel really, really bad about it.
I liked her.
Yeah.
And then I thought she stole from you
because I confused them.
And I was like, that rotten bitch.
That wasn't it.
So me and her,
like we just got to a point where we were like,
we're not, like we're too different.
But she was really sweet.
She was great.
I haven't got a bad word to say about that girl at all.
She's a lovely girl. So then next girl the girl the girl i was with
last time yeah yeah so on the my latest special which is called juicy yeah yeah is one long story
and it's about the breakup with the girl i was here with last time but i stole from you yeah
can i just say one legal reasons yeah yeah it's it's a work, the special is a work of fiction.
I have to say that.
It didn't really happen.
This is all legend.
Okay, can I just say one thing
that was really funny?
Yeah.
Okay, from the special.
And I don't want to seem like
it's given away,
but I think it would make people
want to go see it.
So one of the things
that she stole
This is great.
is she bought
his podcast merch
With my money.
With his money.
Okay, it doesn't seem that bad.
Here's the funny thing.
He sends out all the merch himself.
So he went under their bed, took out the hoodie, packaged it, put the shipping label on it.
Where did it go?
To her mom's house.
And you didn't know?
I just, like,
I'm not concentrating.
I'm just putting labels
and that one's going over there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, just amazing.
But why?
What she stole was so,
it wasn't like the biggest deal.
The biggest deal was the betrayal.
But like, when you,
if you watch the special
and find out the full extent of it
and what she did and when
and how and why,
you're like, this is just fucking total self-sabotage and crazy. But the special's find out the full extent of it and what she did and when and how and why, you're like, this is just fucking
total self-sabotage and crazy.
But the special's fictitious.
Yeah, of course. I have a merch.
Why the merch? I don't get that.
I can give you a number if you'd like to ask.
Have you asked her about it?
Obviously. So when we were
over here,
this is in the first five minutes of the special.
So we
land in New York. We go and have a few... Because we landed at like five, is in the first five minutes of the special. So we land in New York.
We go and have a few drinks.
Because we landed at like five.
So by the time we threw JFK into Manhattan,
it's eight o'clock.
And we're a bit tired,
but I was like,
let's go and get a few drinks and something to eat.
We'll go to sleep about midnight
and then you've beat the jet lag.
Like we'll just get up at a reasonable time.
And we're having one last drink.
And I've just,
I do now,
but like I've got
really bad things
for just not checking my bank
now that I know it's okay
I just don't look at it a lot
but something made me check it
and I was like
at the top there was just
a payment I didn't recognise
and I was like
that's weird
I don't recognise that payment
I don't know what that's for
I don't shop there
and if she'd have reacted
any differently
she'd still be getting away
with it now
if we
because if she'd have just gone oh you she'd still be getting away with it now.
Because if she'd have just gone,
oh, you need to look into that,
I'm so like, eh.
I'd have just not looked into it,
but the panic in her,
because she went, oh, that is weird.
Yeah, that's weird.
That's where I got my tracksuit from.
And then it took a few moments for me to piece it together,
but once I pieced it together,
but I kept it, like, she stayed with me for a week in New York because I was like, we'll deal with this.
But you would have bought her a tracksuit, right?
Totally.
Like, especially when she bought it.
I was watching a Liverpool game.
Like, if I'm watching a Liverpool game,
if my girlfriend wants anything, that's the time to ask me
because I will give her anything to make her shut the fuck up.
Just, what do you want?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let me get back to you.
It's like when you give a kid an iPad.
Yeah, yeah, just fuck off.
Just go over there and ruin your eyes
and let me just watch.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, none of it made sense
and that's what made the breakup very easy
because it wasn't...
Did she ever ask you for things
that she would...
Totally.
So she felt comfortable asking you to buy her shit
and then also just went behind your back? Totally. So she felt comfortable asking you to buy her shit. Totally.
And then also just went behind your back.
Totally.
What a weird thing.
It's so fucking strange.
Because once you're married,
they just spend your money
all the time.
Totally.
It's just part of it.
But like,
she knew she could spend
the money for like
reasonable stuff.
It's actually their money.
They say that.
They often,
they go,
yeah, our money.
They'd be like,
should we buy this?
And you go, yeah, we should. What'll be like, should we buy this? And you go, yeah, we should.
What is the end game of saying no?
They divorce you and then take half your shit anyway.
It's their money.
It's cheaper to give them everything they want.
Give them all.
100%.
Give them all.
Buy the house.
At least I get to live here.
Yeah.
This is good.
Okay.
It wasn't the fact that she wanted stuff or took it.
It was the fact she lied about it.
Why lie? It's such fact she lied about it. Why lie?
It's such an odd thing.
Yeah.
It doesn't make any sense,
and that's why it was ripe for comedy, I think.
Oh, it's great.
I mean, the story's hilarious.
And how much money in total do you think?
I think he says in the...
So it was about 4,000 in total.
With everything that she owed me.
That was sort of the rough, fictitious figure.
Gotcha.
That you know.
That I know.
I mean,
she probably just didn't start
with the tracksuit.
Well, she didn't start
with the tracksuit.
She started by getting
her dog a birthday cake.
True skeleton.
What?
Her dog a birthday cake?
Did she get you a birthday cake? because that's where i'd be upset
she actually did so that was like a really sad who's caused more when we got
i haven't looked into it because i don't want to kill myself when we got back from new york it was
my 30th birthday party i mean yeah so she she was like i've got this cake for you and i was like i
don't fucking like i. I was so angry.
Okay, I'm going to go a different direction because I have to say this before I forget.
There's a moment from your podcast. You have a great
podcast. I have a word podcast. Thank you.
Hilarious. I see a lot of these clips and
there's one specific moment
that I might have to send to
Mark so he can bring it up.
I have to know if this is true
or not. Okay.
It is the moment
about the guy
who has an autistic...
We spoke about this last time I was here, yeah.
We did? Yeah. We talked about it on the pod? Yeah.
Because he was, like, made up.
Jamie, who you're talking
about, he was like, oh, I watched your episode
of Flagrant and... Did I ask you if it really
happened? I'm not sure.
Wait, did you tell me the story or did we watch it?
I don't think we watched it, but you brought it up.
This is, I mean, I think about this regularly.
Like, it is true.
Is it this one?
Yeah.
Every night my brother beats me up.
Like, batters me.
Yeah, well, it's artistic and it's part of his routine. Every night my brother beats me up. Like, batters me. What?
Yeah, well, he's autistic and it's part of his routine.
But he does it as a character called Dr. Cat.
It's quite menacing.
What time of night?
I'll send...
Nine o'clock every night.
Do you get twatted?
Yeah, that's why I don't eat,
because he punches me in the stomach and all that.
So, he puts me mum's mint green dressing gown on,
underpants on his head,
and then...
But he'll phone me during the day,
and he'll go,
oh, your appointment's
at nine
and then he'll come up
and he has like
a clicking pen
and that's like
the needle
alright
patient
and sedates me
and then he'll have
like kitchen tongs
and
nips up there
hits me with a wooden spoon
but all the while
he's got like
a Joel Hart monitor
and
I do
I do
losing him
and he just jumps up
and I'm like
fucking
he goes
right
you don't know
but my mum just goes
but my mum just called...
What my mum just called his routine.
Routine's important for autistic people.
So if I gig, like a few nights in a row, it's fucking... Oh, it has a build up?
It's like hangovers
you're constantly drinking
yeah
and when you
is he a licensed
practitioner
no
no
just making sure
he plays
his other thing is
he plays
he watches like
people having the
driving test
online
but on his day off
he'll drive to the
test centre
and watch people
get the results
you'll see the disappointment of relations
so he's what's he called
i sort of get that second one, you know. I don't get the first one.
Fuss, fuss, fuss.
I'm not going to lie, bro.
Waiting at the testing centre for the driver's licence is fire.
And like every Vietnamese person walks out just going...
Bro!
Have you met the dude?
The testing dude? No, I'm not sure. I feel like I would definitely know for sure. bro oh fuck have you met the dude the autistic dude yeah I think
no
I'm not sure
I feel like I would
definitely know for sure
I don't think so no
but that is our
that clip is
like it did like
a couple of million views
when we uploaded it
yeah
but like that's being
uploaded by loads of
meme pages
that's the millions
and millions of views
and Jamie
who's like one of the
soundest guys
I mean
he's a complete record
complete fuck up
it's launched
that clip has
launched his career
yeah
he's a stand up as well
so he's a stand up
and he'd been doing
stand up maybe
seven years
when he'd come on
that was a couple of years ago now
and
he
that clip went
mad viral
yeah
and so he started his own podcast the comedy club in in Liverpool my home club And that clip went mad viral. Yeah.
And so he started his own podcast,
the comedy club in Liverpool,
my home club,
Hot Water Comedy Club.
Yeah.
They started their own podcast,
the Hot Water Green Room.
He's one of the hosts of it.
Gotcha.
That's doing really well.
Jamie's just announced his first UK tour.
Oh, wow.
Today, or the other day. And his hometown sold out.
Does he tell that story as part of the act?
I don't think he wants to,
because everyone who's coming to see him has seen it.
Yeah, that's a great idea to not give them what they want.
Do you think we'd stand up, though,
that the audience don't want to see something twice?
Yes, 100%.
Brian Regan, what will happen is after his show,
people will call out
bits and stories
I think that's a good way
to do it
to do your show
go on for your encore
and go right watch one of you
also stories have
a different thing
like stories
have a different
kind of attention span
the same way that you can
watch a movie again
if you're getting
into a story
after watching him
tell that to you guys
I want to see him
tell that in front
of an audience
because I want to see
them laugh at it
for the first time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, I was looking
at Alex watch it
because I was going,
oh, wow, he doesn't know
what's happening.
It's hilarious.
Yeah, so I kind of like,
I want to like bring
friends to go see that.
Also, his stand-up
is so different to that.
Oh.
Like, he's very loud
and he will get
amongst the audience
and be like this far
from someone's face.
Oh, wow.
It would be quite a change of pace for him.
He turns into his brother.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He does a big Dr. Cass.
What time is it?
Pass your test!
Can you drive?
Every one of his shows should be at 9 o'clock.
Yeah.
Every single one.
But Jamie's great.
You guys are blowing up out there, man.
Yeah, man.
He co-hosted with me last week.
Dan, who I co-host with regularly,
Dan had a week off,
and Jamie coming in was co-hosting.
Like, normally when it's me and Dan,
it's back and forth,
and often I play the filter,
Dan playing the straight man on the show,
but when Jamie's co-hosting,
it's like you just press play
and just sit back and just go.
Just let her rip.
Yeah, fucking rip.
Just make the episode, Jamie.
There was some drama out there recently
with
I think it was
KSI and the Sidemen
and the word
that is short for Pakistani
yes
Pak
can't say anything else
just one syllable
it is weird
I don't know what is your take on that in America I don't think that has the same sting Can't say anything else. Just one syllable. It is weird.
I don't know.
What is your take on that? In America, I don't think that that has the same sting.
No, but in the UK, it's a big thing.
Why?
Can you explain that?
Because, obviously, with the N-word, it's tied to slavery and stuff like that.
It's also its own word.
It's not short for something else.
Yeah, but it's not used. It's not like, if it was ever It's not short for something else. Yeah, but, like, it's not used.
It's not like, if it was ever used as just, like, short for something.
Yeah.
Or like, you know, I'm with my friend.
He's a pack, whatever.
Yeah.
Then that would be totally different.
It is only ever used with venom and malice.
Oh, really?
It's used to bully anyone of South Asian descent.
That's all it's used to bully anyone of south asian descent that's all it's for it's not used in an affectionate
or like normal way it's used to to upset people shut up you're a go away you're a you smelly
like it's right but isn't that more indicative of like the racism that exists there not like just making a word smaller like the British
are also Brits
yeah totally but like you just make things
smaller no one's like you fucking Brit
people well the fucking is doing
the heavy lifting yeah
there's a comic from the UK who's got
a routine about the
web we're talking about yeah isn't it crazy like
I feel so like neutered not even be able
to say this word because it doesn't have
that sting here.
As far as I'm concerned,
I mean, we had a guy
who was Pakistani
working for us, Vala,
and I don't even think,
I don't want to speak
for him right now,
but, like, I don't think
he ever reacted like that
and he was, like,
from Pakistan.
Yeah, totally.
But, like, for example,
if Vala, or even if Akash
lived in the UK,
he'd have heard that word
every day.
Just don't ever call me Pakistani.
That's his n-word.
Yeah, totally.
Pakistani's worse than the abbreviation
because you're going through and saying the whole thing.
Because it's just short for the word.
So the funniest story I can tell you about this,
there's another comic who lives in the UK now.
His name's Thomas Green.
He's actually from Australia.
Right.
And when he comes to the UK to subsidize being a stand-up,
he was a teacher. And he he comes to the UK to subsidize being a stand-up, he was a teacher.
And he's teaching in Nottingham.
And he just didn't know
about the way,
he's got the exact same
relationship with it
that you have.
It's just short for it, right?
So, and in Australia,
it's used all the time.
That's the thing.
It's like,
and I don't want to interrupt
the story,
but I even had that bit
about the word tranny back in the day. So it was like transgender tranny, grandmother,
granny, Andrew, Andy. Like this is just what we do with words. Yeah. Now I understand that everybody
just had like hatred and venom towards a group of people that weren't even the right group. You
would call Indians that as well. Yeah. But it's just very hard to, I don't know. It's very, I feel like right now,
everybody wants their N word. Yeah. Like every group wants their N word because there's a lot
of power in having that. Cause you get to silence people. Yeah. There's Codam Sand being offended.
Of course. Yeah. You get to make people publicly apologize. Yeah. You know what I mean? And, um,
the implication though, is when you take a word that might not have that venom and malice associated with it or that person might.
Nobody says, nobody that's not black is going to say the N-word, especially white people.
White people are really the only ones not allowed to say it.
And when they're saying it, like if you're calling somebody that, if there's not like a my in front of it, you know what you mean.
There's no confusion.
My is also wild if it's white.
Here's the thing. If you were to say. I would no confusion. My is also wild if it's white. Here's the thing.
If you were to say...
What would you rather?
If you were to say...
Neither is yes.
That's the only N-word you're allowed to say.
Neither is yes.
If you were to say the way we're talking about now,
the people who are upset with KSI
would not be upset with you.
Because we don't have the...
Because you don't have it.
Historical context.
The reason KSI said it on his comedy panel
show is because
it's offensive. Because of the way
that it is. That's why he's giggling like a schoolgirl
when he does it. It's like the...
What is it? Tizzed out or something
like that? Remember the word? Spaz.
Dude, spaz
in America doesn't mean retarded
or whatever it means for you guys. What does it
mean? It means a kid that had too much sugar.
Like, that's not how we imagine it.
We literally use it as some kid who's hyped up.
Like, if you're a rapper and you kill a verse,
that got spazzed on that.
Yeah, yeah, but we have that as well.
But again, it's the malice and the intent with which it's used.
Calling someone a spaz is just, it means spastic.
So you're saying KSI...
But what does spastic mean, autistic?
No, spastic is like an old medical word
for like people with fucked up legs.
What?
People with fucked up legs?
Yeah, I don't think I even saw it coming.
It has nothing to do with their mental ability?
No, spastic isn't like brain problems.
It's a cripple.
Yeah, it's a cripple.
A spaz is a cripple. It kind of makes a cripple. A spaz is a cripple.
It kind of makes sense
if you think about it.
You fucking spaz.
I don't believe it.
Why does it make sense?
It doesn't make sense at all.
I don't believe it.
If you were to be playing
football or soccer
and you missed the goal,
you fucking spaz
because you can't
use your legs properly.
We've never used it physically
in America, I don't think.
No.
I've never heard anybody
call someone a spaz
because of how they are physically.
No. But the word case I got in trouble for, so my never heard anybody call someone a spaz because of how they are physically. No.
But the word case
I got in trouble for.
So my mate Thomas,
he's a teacher,
he's from Australia,
where like on Australian TV
they have ads which are,
it's the Paks are coming
and it's cricket.
Like the Pakistanis
are coming for the cricket game.
So to him it's just
a normal everyday word.
And he's teaching in Nottingham
and this kid puts his hand up and goes, sir, he's just a normal everyday word and he's teaching in Nottingham and this kid puts his
hand up and goes
sir he's just called me
P-A-K-I
and Thomas looked at this Asian kid in the eye and went
so
you are one
laughter
laughter
I don't get it
because he is
Pakistani
and that's short for Pakistani
we don't know that for a fact
the N word is not synonymous with black
it's not short with black, it stands for slavery
you see what I'm saying?
but like Pakistani
here's how bad
can I call them Stanis?
you can give it a go
you can give it a go.
I'm just saying.
You can give it a go.
In America, we're American.
Here's how bad the payoff is a race.
I don't understand.
It depends what you're doing
to them when you say Stani.
I love Stanis.
All right.
That's okay.
I love Stanis.
They're my favorite people.
Kazakh Stanis.
I love Kazakh Stanis.
I love Tajik Stanis.
I love all the Stanis.
Tajik Stanis.
All the Stanis. Stanis are great people. Here's the difference I love all the Stanis, Tajikistanis, all the Stanis.
Stanis are great people.
Here's the difference with the N-word also.
The N-word, not only is it tied to slavery,
it was the offensive term then.
There was another term that wasn't offensive back then,
oh, another N-word, lighter, N-word light.
The N-word was offensive back then.
We had slaves.
I still wanna degrade you.
So it was offensive 200 years ago
when we didn't even see black people as people.
It's also with Norton.
It's not part of the whole word.
You can't make
part of a word bad.
It comes from Negra, doesn't it?
It comes from Negra.
Yeah, the Portuguese term for black.
Yeah, but Americans don't speak Portuguese.
So they were just like,
oh, that means slave.
Okay, that's slave.
Totally.
And it's also a different
version of the word.
The spelling is different.
Everything's different.
The way you say it
is different, right?
If this was a different word,
which it's not,
it's half of what they fucking are
in terms of the country
they come from.
I just don't understand it.
I can't understand it.
Well, like, homo's
kind of offensive.
Not as offensive.
What the hell is it? If you go to a gay guy and you're like, you homo? You think he's gonna be all people's homo? I just don't understand it. I can't understand it. Homo is kind of offensive. Not as offensive. What?
How is it?
If you go to a gay guy, you're like, you homo?
You think he's going to be happy about that?
No, if you go, are you homo?
I'm hetero.
Are you homo?
Mm-hmm.
You are homo.
But then the intent is okay.
You are a homo.
Then the intent is bad.
Well, yeah, don't say that.
Why are you pointing at me when you said it?
If you're a dirty, ball-licking homo.
Okay, see, that's where.
The dirty ball-licking is doing the heavy lifting in that sentence.
But homo is not bad.
I would actually tell homos, get over that shit.
You are a homo.
I'm a hetero.
You're a homo.
Why is that offensive?
It's what you are.
Go eat your ballin' aids and get over it.
There it is.
I thought, like, you were a homo.
Stop pointing at me.
I love that he's just pointing at me.
I want to take you to a largely South Asian area of the UK
and watch you have this conversation with these people.
Let me think on that.
I'm a cock and you're a...
Nah, they're going to acid you right in the face.
Do the Pakistanis get down like that right in the face, bro.
Do the Pakistanis get down like that?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You don't want to fuck with them at all.
Yeah.
Well, fuck it, eh?
It's also, like, to be totally fair. It's contextual, is your point, and your point is KSI contextually was using it in an offensive way.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The word in and of itself does not necessarily have stink.
I think there probably is a way to say it.
It's not taken as seriously
as the M-word.
Okay.
It's not.
Yo, don't let white people
make a part of the country
you're from,
which you should be proud of,
offensive.
White people just took away
your country from you.
That's fucking crazy.
Yo, it's like,
it's like if somebody,
if literally,
if somebody goes, if you would make fun of the people from the United States's like if somebody, if literally if somebody goes,
if you would make fun of the people from
the United States, like if other people, and they were like,
oh yeah, what do you got? If you literally just
called us, we're from the United States of America,
and you guys are like, yeah, he's Americans,
fucking Americans,
I'm not going to let you take away, I am
American. That's a great thing, I'm proud of
that, and I love that. But Pakistanis will also still say
that word as well. They'll call themselves
where they, yeah, you've fucked
with the P-A-K-I's.
Because they know the intent.
Bro, don't let white people take away
your country from you. Okay. I won't.
We're stopping them from coming in here.
That's why I didn't want to break it.
What if they didn't call them P-A-K-I's
and they called them Pakistanis in the exact same way?
Now they just can't say the country they're from?
No, well...
What do we do then?
Yeah, there'd still be beef.
Yeah.
There'd still be like, you fucking...
Beef's not a problem for Pakistanis.
Beef's a problem for any of us.
That's a very good point.
Very good point.
Very, very good point.
But the word has just become its own thing.
It's become its own problem.
It's not short for that word anymore.
Yeah, but that's because y'all are racist.
It's not because the word is bad.
Yo, white people are devious, bro.
They have you thinking your own country is offensive.
That is next level racism.
You're the best at racism.
They got you thinking your own country is something bad to say.
You got to take that back from white people, bro.
There's also like, there's a context.
I would rename the country.
And then just watch them shorten that?
That's it.
What would I name it?
What?
What would I rename it to?
Yeah, yeah.
Come on.
You can't say that.
You can't say that. You can't say that.
I mean, we're going to bleep the whole thing out.
But, so every corner shop in the UK
is often run by someone from South Asian descent.
And they are called P.A.K.I. shops.
So my dad will say, I'm going to the pack shop.
And he doesn't mean it offensively.
Is that offensive to people?
Yeah, because they're just like,
it's now tied to the word.
But you are right, it's become
more of an issue in
recent times because of the currency.
Everybody wants their word. Like, white girls
trying to do it with Karen, like, shut up.
Like, everybody wants their word where if you, like,
say it, it's offensive, and now you can silence
somebody, and there's just, like, power and
currency in that. But, nah, there's one word you can't say. there's just like power and currency in that but nah
there's one word
you can't say
we all know what the fuck it is
what is it?
yeah
got it Al
now is your time
now is your time
I can't say it
I can't say it
don't look at me like
don't do it
don't do it
you had a grin to your mouth
yeah
he was way too excited
I gave you a hot potato
right there bro
say the whole context
absolutely no context that you would say that is there no context where you can say the N-word?
You personally would say the N-word.
Is there any situation in which you would say it,
apart from when you're singing alone in the car?
You're saying around people, when would I say it?
Is there any, like...
This is actually a really fun game to play.
When can I say it?
If you're telling a story where someone else has said it. I don't say it. When can I say it? Yeah. If you're telling a story where someone else
has said it.
Nah, I don't say it.
I don't say it, man.
I know there's white dudes
that like try to use that
as the excuse
to kind of say it
and they get their rocks off.
They're like,
well, technically
he was saying the word.
In a joke?
No, I don't say it
in the jokes either.
I mean, but would you?
No.
If it like made
the joke better?
No, I mean,
it does make
every joke better.
It is.
I wish I could say it after every punchline.
Robbie Slovic says it so well.
He says it's comedy dynamite.
Any punchline just hits harder with the N-word.
You don't use it, but it's a good lawyer.
But not like to drop the N-word.
Yeah, like Louis, the way he said it.
What do you think about that?
I didn't like that because I think he just wanted to say the N-word.
That bit bothered me because I think he, Louis, as a white guy,
was like, how can I say the N-word to
black people and not offend them and get away with it?
Not even not offend them, get away with it. That's why I don't like that bit.
That's what's more impressive. Yeah, I know.
What's the worst thing I can say?
I like that as like a
comedic task.
Yeah, see, I didn't feel
like it was a comedic task. I feel like it was just
how can I, a guy who wants to say the N-word, say the N-word?
If it wasn't funny, I'd agree.
But it was a really funny bit.
So then I'm like, yeah, he pulled it off.
I didn't.
He gets a pass.
Yeah.
But yeah, I mean, I don't know.
Like, I assume that Louis didn't grow up with a lot of black people.
So he probably doesn't know how that has made them feel or hasn't seen someone call his friend that word.
And that's the problem with P-A-K-I.
Yeah.
Is I've grown up around people who've had that word thrown at them every day and hate it.
But I've also got like...
Can't they just imagine the rest of the word after?
They just end it?
Yeah, like somebody says it and then they just quickly go, Stani.
There's nothing... What did just quickly go, Stani. There's nothing.
What'd you call me, Stani?
My friend.
You didn't let me finish it.
You punched me in the face
before I could say the rest of it.
Maybe they want to say the rest of it.
Maybe they do want to fucking say the rest of it.
I was just taking a really long pause.
That's it.
I needed some water a few years ago.
So there's a friend of mine
called Ishan Akbar, another comic,
and he's from
Pakistani and Bangladeshi descent.
Ooh.
And we were doing it.
What do you call the Bangladeshis?
Bangos.
That sounds fucking racist.
That sounds racist.
But do they get upset about that?
No, I don't really.
Shout out to the Bangos, bro.
The Bangos are my favorite.
That is a phenomenal word.
Oh my God. That's hilarious phenomenal word. Oh, my God.
That's hilarious.
Bangos?
What do you call Indians?
Indos.
We just shorten everything.
But the Pakistani ones.
So the Pakistanis are the ones that are just most sensitive.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And do they not realize that they're being sensitive?
Would you think they would prefer Pakos?
Oh.
Maybe that's the problem.
I'll go back.
I'll try it.
And I'll come back and report next week.
Yeah, what if we call them Pakos?
Pakos. Pakos. Really say it correctly. Pakos. I'm. Yeah, what if we call them Pacos? Pacos.
Pacos.
Really say it correctly.
Pacos.
I'm comfortable saying that, yeah.
Pacos.
Yeah?
Pacos.
Sounds delicious.
Yeah, that's awesome.
That's a good name.
Bunch of Pacos moving into the neighborhood.
See, that's when it's bad.
Driving up the value.
You can't do that.
You can't do that.
You can't do bunch of.
Driving up the value.
Driving up the value.
I can't compliment.
That's not offensive anymore.
Yeah, you saved it.
They drove up the value.
They came to our poor disenfranchised white area and they drove up the value. I can't help but compliment. That's not offensive anymore. Yeah, you saved it. Roll up the value. They came to our poor, disenfranchised white area,
and they just roll up the value.
These educated...
Fucking Paco's coming in with a college education.
I know.
These are committed individuals, you know?
We were at the Edinburgh Festival with each other,
and there's like a 3 a.m. show.
It's called Late and Live.
And we're having a drink,
and I went to me three friends.
I was like, give me any word, and I'll try and get it into me, Seth. And if I get it in, you owe having a drink and I went to me three friends I was like give me any word
and I'll try and get it into me set
and if I get it in
you owe me a drink
and if I don't get your word
then I owe you a drink
so one of the guys
gives me like parachute
and someone gives me sausage
or whatever
and Ishan gave me P-A-K-I
so he goes get that in
he goes but on top of that
he goes I've just been paid
£400 for a set
I'll give you all of this
if you walk on
and say any English in, any Irish in, any P-A-K-I's in.
And I went, I'll do it.
And I just bottled out.
I didn't get it in.
You didn't do it?
Come on.
I couldn't do it.
How scary are these Pacos, dude?
I'm trying to understand, like, what's going on?
Do you know what I thought?
I genuinely was more worried about the fucking woman with the purple hair on the front row
who I knew was going to be the most offended person in the room.
Oh, so you're really worried about the white people
that will write blogs defending the Pacos?
Yeah.
Do Pacos call anybody else by...
Do they shorten anybody else's country?
I don't think so.
Like what do you call people from Poland?
Poles.
Yeah, you're a Pole.
I cannot believe that.
Did the Pacos call the Poles?
I don't know.
Is there a situation where a Paco, a Mango, and a Pole are all talking and
they're just using the- A Paco, a Mango, and a Pole. Yeah, a Paco, a Mango, and a Pole walk all talking and they're just using the... A paco, a bango, and a pole.
Yeah.
A paco, a bango, and a pole
walk into a bar.
I was going to say,
the only time they talk
is in jokes.
Walk into a bar.
Right?
And then what happens
besides the paco not drinking
because he's devout?
Well, the bango's sat with him
and the pole's getting
three beers from himself.
See how much fun it can be?
Now, could we call it a bangy, a poley, and a...
Now, now, now, now.
This is where it gets bad.
This is where it gets bad.
You can't do that.
Because in America, you can't call them Polacks, I guess.
Yeah, that's another one.
But we had, like, so many jokes tied into how dumb they are.
Who is the Polish person that did something stupid
that just started this horrible trend?
I never want to share those jokes.
I remember as a kid reading joke books,
and it's like, the Poles are so dumb.
Like, what the fuck is that?
How do you get a one-handed Polak out of a tree?
A what?
A one-armed Polak out of a tree.
How do you get a one-armed Polak out of a tree?
Check them.
Well, that's a good answer. get a one-armed Polack out of a tree? Check them.
That's a good answer.
The other one was,
the answer is wave.
He's so dumb and Polish, he'll just let go of the tree
and fall. So there's no stereotype in the UK that
Polish people are stupid? Isn't that
crazy? It's gotta be a US immigrant thing.
Just a new group gets shit
on. I thought it was a World War II thing that they were using cavalry in World War II when everybody had tanks.
Oh, that's hilarious.
That's what I thought it came from.
So our stereotype of Polish people is yours for Mexicans.
That they're hardworking, the most fun, the greatest families, the best immigrant group ever in the history of the world.
That's your guy' problem out there.
You guys don't like immigrants because you don't have Mexicans.
That's true.
I mean this sincerely.
There is like, even the conservatives, they're like, oh, stop the border.
They don't mind the ones that got in.
Notice they're not going to send them back.
They're like, these ones are great, and we love everything that they're doing, and they're awesome.
Great time.
Amazing amount of fun. But we're doing and they're awesome. Great time, amazing amount of fun,
but we're at a limit.
Yeah.
I suppose the stupidity thing for us,
that's often leveled at Irish people.
What about Portuguese?
Why do the Portuguese get that?
The Portuguese get what?
The language.
They're called stupid.
I've never heard anything about people from Portugal.
Is that right?
Anything.
Not one thing.
French people are rude and stink.
They are. Polish people work hard for cheap. Yeah. French people are rude and stink. They are.
Polish people work hard for cheap.
Irish people work hard for cheap
and they're stupid.
That's why they work hard for cheap.
Irish people, that's accurate.
I love the racist term for Irish people, Mick.
It's so funny. Or Paddy.
Paddy, I don't know. Mick is funny
because it's always Mick something.
Yeah, but Mick isn't even racist. It's again the same thing. It's so funny. Oh, Paddy. Paddy, I don't like. Mick is funny because it's always Mick something.
It took me years to put that together.
Mick isn't even racist.
It's, again, the same thing.
It's like short for your last fucking name. Yeah, you probably call him Mick.
You can't call him McIntyre.
You can't call an Irish person a Mick.
No, you can't.
But can a Paco call a Mick a Mick?
Can they do that?
You're inventing songs for his life.
I'm just saying, like, at a certain point in time,
we just got to step back and go, okay, guys.
You don't use Jap, though, right?
What do you mean?
Like, Jap.
You wouldn't call a Japanese person a Jap.
Second I walk into the restaurant, they start going,
how much is I going to say?
I go, Jap, Jap, Jap, and I just Jap them off.
You Jap, Jap, Jap.
If you just go, yo, what's up, my Jap?
You wouldn't say that.
Let me think.
He's got you.
He's finally got you.
Would I call a Japanese person a Jap? Yeah. You know why I wouldn't say that. Let me think. He's got you. He's finally got you. Would I call a Japanese person a Jap?
Yeah.
You know why I wouldn't say it?
Tell me why, Andrew.
Because Jap is something offensive for Jewish women.
Stop it, bro.
So I think it's double bad.
I'm worried that that Japanese person is going.
It's a Jewish woman.
I'm worried that he thinks that I'm calling him. Is that a Japanese man or a Jewish going... I'm worried that
he thinks that I'm calling him...
Hey, what's up, you Jap?
And he's going to go, you think I'm
Jewish American princess?
He's going to get really upset.
Japanese American princess.
No, I don't think Jap
is bad, dude. Wait, why is that offensive to a Jewish woman?
Jewish American princess. What'd you call
your dick? Your Jap side? Yeah. Wait, What'd you call your dick? Your Japs eye?
Yeah.
Yeah?
Wait, what'd I call my what?
Like the opening to your cock, your Japs eye?
Do you have that here?
No.
What is that? My urethra?
Yeah, so like the bit...
Your Japs eye?
Yeah, that's what...
Yo, that is fucking hilarious.
Did you not have that?
No!
Yo! Japs eye is amazing. Is that not over that? No! No! Yo!
Jap's eye is amazing.
Is that not over here?
Can I get it in this?
I'm so glad I got something out of here.
So that's offensive as well because obviously you're saying that Japanese people's eyes
look like dicks, which is not okay.
They look more like dicks than white people's eyes.
That is, we can all relate.
It depends on-
But you know what's really funny?
If their eyes look like that but their dick holes
are perfectly round
they peed in a spiral
this is great
that is interesting
Jap does feel bad
because there's
historical context there
and I'm sure you guys
have the same thing
with Paco
but with the eye
yeah
but if we remove
ourselves from it
we can acknowledge
how absolutely absurd
it is
yeah like how the lack of creativity But if we remove ourselves from it, we can acknowledge how absolutely absurd it is.
Yeah.
Like how?
The lack of creativity.
The lack of creativity for Americans.
That the best thing we could.
If we remove ourselves from it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. If we remove ourselves from it.
Then we can say it.
Anyway, so the lack of creativity for Americans.
Like I'm embarrassed that the best thing that we could think of for Japanese people was Japs.
There's a lot of ammo there.
Are you fucking kidding me?
I think they had other ones too, right?
Well, the fact that you have to Google them means that they weren't good enough.
You got close to one of them actually right there.
No, that wasn't them.
Oh, yeah, that's Vietnamese.
See?
Good point.
See, we at least did something good for them.
Yeah, it's creative.
It's embarrassing.
Japan, they fucking
bombed Pearl Harbor
and the best we came
up with was Jap?
Yeah.
We got to get back,
though.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's not like they
bombed Pearl Harbor
and you're like,
well, you know what?
You're all Japs now.
That was the least of it.
We'll call it
one-all, okay? What should we call it?. We'll call it Waddle, okay?
What should we call it?
What should we call it?
Japanese barbecue?
Is that what it is?
Come on.
Did we invent Japanese barbecue when you think about it?
Bro, we can't let you get near the Brits, dude.
It just gets crazy.
You just get in your element.
It's too much.
Yeah, Jap, I guess, feels...
We got to talk to some Japs about it
because I don't think that...
You want to talk to some Jewish American princesses about this?
Yeah.
Jewish American princesses.
They would just whine, I think.
See what they think.
We got to see what they think.
Like, what do you think they're more offended by?
Like, nuclear holocaust or that word?
I think it depends what day of the week it is
and where they are.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
If you were out in, like, Osaka chilling... I don't think you can really use that. You can't
like go and be like, oh, all right, you're a Jap.
And if they're like, actually, I'm upset. You can't go, well, at least
I'm not nuclear holocausting you right now.
That's a good point. But what I would also
say is, could you be like, this is one of the most
beautiful Jap hotels I've ever been at.
Like, let's say you're in Tokyo.
You're like, okay, what'd you
do for dinner last night?
Oh, my God, we went to this Jap restaurant,
and we had the most amazing Jap sushi you've ever had your entire life.
And then we went back to our Jap hotel, and it was, dude,
the Jap massage that I got before I went to sleep
was one of the most relaxing things I've ever experienced in my life.
You can't say that after they didn't let us in their country for four years
because of COVID?
What?
What do you want me to say?
Why am I supposed to?
You're going to do that monologue and then
just look at me and go, yeah, go on, Adam.
Just say something.
Yes or no.
That's not offensive, to be honest.
There is a hot dog restaurant in New York called
Japa Dog. It's a Japanese hot dog restaurant.
Jappa Dog, that's a place.
They named it, and I have to say it every time I go there.
Begrudgingly.
Why do you have to say it every time you go there?
Do you say it wherever you are?
They walk in, they go.
You walk in, you're like, Jappa Dog!
They say that to you.
McDonald's!
When you walk into Japanese places, they yell.
You know, you've gone to Japanese restaurants.
They have a greeting every time you go in.
You didn't know this?
No, I've never been to one.
No, I'm being serious.
When you walk into
a Japanese restaurant,
the whole restaurant
greets you.
Actually, look it up
what they say.
So there's a thing
that they say
every time you walk
into a Japanese restaurant.
It sounds like that.
It's probably welcome, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, Mark.
Yeah, it is.
Good guess right Yeah, Mark. It is, by all means.
Good guess right there, buddy.
It probably is, yeah.
But you never know.
But you don't know.
They might just be fucking... Yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean?
They go,
And that means,
because of Hiroshima,
I'm not cooking the fish.
Welcome, please come in.
They got to say all that.
It's fucking stupid to say please come in
when you're already inside, isn't it?
Yeah, I'm already entered.
Yeah.
So what else could they say instead?
Instead of...
You want me to invent a Japanese word?
No, but you could do a traditional dance.
I believe they call it Jap dancing.
No.
You're thinking about Japanese shiplips.
I just don't.
I don't get it anymore, man.
I don't get it anymore.
I don't get it.
I do agree that Jap feels bad.
It does feel bad.
And Paco with an I doesn't.
Okay.
That's just the way you live.
And Jap might not feel bad in English.
Like, Jap, I'm so much more comfortable saying that.
You are.
Because there's no Japanese people.
Because you've never treated Japanese people poorly.
Yeah.
Neither have I.
That's why I feel comfortable saying it.
But you don't feel comfortable saying Paco with an I.
Yeah.
Because.
Because I have.
Because you've treated Pacos with an I's.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I would have said that like in an argument in school with an Asian guy.
Really?
Yeah.
And I'm not proud to say that.
And then did that help you win it?
Did that help you win the argument?
It probably escalates into the fight and then you see in the party clip, like, get to the toilet so they send the path.
That was Paco he was fighting?
Probably.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
Well, listen, I'm glad that we got
to the bottom of that, dude.
What about Vietz?
Can we call him Vietz?
Vietz, is that offensive?
I can't run every country in Asia.
I'm just saying, like,
what if we call Canadians Canades? Is that offensive? I can't run every country in Asia. I'm just saying. What if we call Canadians Canades?
Is that offensive?
No.
Cambo's probably not offensive.
Cambo's.
Can we call Cambodians Cambo's?
That sounds like a compliment.
That sounds fire.
Cambo's, dude.
Yeah.
What about people from Nigeria?
We can call them Jerians.
We can call them gerians.
I would do it that way.
Sometimes you shorten on the other end. Yes.
The first one is crazy.
You've got to understand how more multicultural this country,
and New York particularly, is.
There was one black guy
in the town I grew up in
in Liverpool
and he was called
Black Alan the Taxi Driver.
That's actually pretty
open-minded when you think
that you added his first name
and occupation.
Black Alan the Taxi Driver
and just everybody knew him.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, like my mum would
come back from like,
like she'd have gone somewhere in a taxi and come back.
Like, yeah, I was just at Black Allen,
the taxi driver.
Like...
Can I tell you why that's open-minded?
He drank in the same pub as me parents.
Can I tell you why that's open-minded?
You could have just stopped at Black
and everyone would have known.
Yeah.
You could have named an occupation.
I'm just being in Black.
I like that.
All right, guys, let's take a break for a second.
Happy 420 week, okay?
You need a gift, and you know what Diet Smoke is doing?
They're giving you free THC.
They got free gummies coming to you.
Matter of fact, if there's something that you don't like on their website that you get,
they're going to return your money.
That's how amazing this is.
That's right.
All you got to do is pay a couple bucks shipping, and they're going to send the money. That's how amazing this is. That's right. All you got to do is pay a couple bucks shipping,
and they're going to send the gummies to your place.
And they are, no joke, the best gummies in the business, okay?
Now, if you're an OG Flavor fan, you know these gummies are a game changer.
With 100 milligrams of THC per gummy,
these 420 Reserve Sour Apple Gummies pack a legit high you won't
find from any other edible. And the flavor, it's delicious, guys. It's got the perfect mix of sour
apple, a little bit of sweetness to balance it out. These gummies are sourced from 100%
American-grown hemp, and each batch comes with a full panel of independent lab testing, so you
know exactly what you're getting. You're picking your gummies and boom,
they're at your door in as fast as two days.
Now, here's the best part.
Diet Smoke is hooking flagrant listeners up.
If you go to dietsmoke.com slash flagrant and use the promo code flagrant at checkout,
you're getting 20% off your entire order.
And it's 420, the highest of holidays,
so they're bringing back a special offer just for the
flagrant listeners. If you are unsure about the gummies and you just want to test it out, they'll
send you a free four-pack. Think about that. All you got to do is pay a couple bucks for shipping.
They're sending you free gummies. Pay a couple bucks for shipping. Are you kidding me? And no
matter what, if you don't absolutely love their products, they'll either send you something you do love or refund your money. What an unbelievable
deal. Now let's get back to the show. All right, guys, let's take a break for a second. I have a
product that's absolutely amazing. It's absolutely amazing. It's called Fume. I know some of you
look at me right now, you have no clue what the hell this is. It is not a vape, okay? There is no
tobacco in this. There is no leafs in this. No, that's it. There's this little
cartridge right here that's just got these essential oils. That's it. You're not smoking
anything. Okay. But this thing right here is absolutely amazing. It's absolutely amazing.
First of all, I'm using, I don't even smoke. So many people are getting off cigarettes, getting off vapes by using fume.
I don't even smoke or vape.
I just love it.
The product is unbelievable.
I literally give it to every single one of my friends that is addicted to vapes, and people are addicted to those vapes.
It's awful, okay?
Fume, this is the truth, okay?
There's a bunch of copy over here where I can tell you the other things about it.
This is the truth, okay?
No smoke comes out, nothing.
Look.
But that two second meditation that you get from taking that drag, that's what we need.
That's why we started smoking in the first place.
That's why we started vaping in the first place.
But forget all the horrible things that are inside cigarettes and vape.
Just take that deep breath that you need and you take it with the fume.
I'm telling you, game changer.
I fucks with it.
Heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy, okay?
You can too.
This is how, okay?
You join fume in accelerating humanity's breakup
from destructive habits
by picking up the Journey Pack today,
you head to TryFume.
Fume is spelled F-U-M.
So TryFume.com.
Use the code FLAGRANT.
You're getting 10% off
when you get the Journey Pack today.
Okay?
That is TryFUM.com.
Use the code FLAGRANT
to save an additional 10% off.
You are welcome.
Stop smoking.
Get off the vape.
Get your girl off the vape.
Get your pops off the vape.
Your mom, your younger brother, your younger sister.
Get on it right now with Fume.
Now let's get back to the show.
You speak perfect English, but you guys say,
with me something instead of my.
Was that your parents?
Why?
That's a northern thing in the north of England.
So in London,
they'll say my father,
my dad.
In Liverpool,
it's me mum.
And you guys just choose to do that,
knowing that it's wrong.
I've just like,
my is almost,
it's almost not in my.
No, no, no.
He's asking
a very interesting question
right now.
That's a very,
you're asking
a really good question.
We should discuss this
over explosives.
Yeah,
let's go to the library
and look it up.
See if there's any literature.
I ain't seen no problem.
Yeah,
I ain't seen,
yeah,
you know.
It's just not
in my phone card,
so it's the same,
right?
Really?
Yeah.
So would you be like,
not to your current girl, but like to another girl you met on Yeah. So would you be like, not to your current girl,
but like to another girl you met on the road,
would you be like,
suck up me dick?
Suck me dick.
Claims.
No way, no way.
Suck me dick.
Suck me dick.
I mean, I'd do it in my accent,
not that one.
Suck me dick.
Suck me dick.
Suck me dick. Come on me dick. Suck me dick.
Come on, Gil.
Suck me dick.
Come on, lad.
Come on, lad.
You would say, come on, lad, suck me dick?
Not to a lad, no.
Come on, lad.
Get over here, Gil, and suck me dick.
Get over here, Gil, and suck me dick.
I'm going to use it.
That's fine, bro.
That's me pussy, right?
That's me pussy.
Do they say that to you?
Do you like, beat me pussy up?
Beat me pussy up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And where was she from?
She split time between
Liverpool and the Bronx.
I think she's from
I think she's from
me pussy up.
I think she's from
Glasgow, actually.
Glasgow.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Beat my pussy up.
Beat, beat.
Beat.
Beat.
Yeah.
Beat me pussy up.
What are you doing to women?
That's the only part of them you can beat.
You have to take, you know what I mean?
Beggars can't be choosers, you know?
You're allowed to beat that part up.
A girl would say lick me out.
Lick me out.
That makes sense, though.
Lick me out.
Eat me out.
Like eat me out, yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Lick me out.
And do they speak to you like that?
Do they say lick me pussy
it depends on the context
like in bed maybe yeah
not in like the fucking
lick me out
lick me out
Scouse dirty talk is awesome
yeah yeah yeah
lick me out
Scouse dirty talk doesn't work
like I have to put on
like if I'm ever dirty talking
like I'll put on
alright alright
give me a little something
right now
yeah yeah
give me a little dirty talk
how would you do it
oh god
what do you want me to say
this is your
this is your ring
come on man
you don't know what to say
in dirty talk
I've never had to look
at someone like you
in the eye and do it
don't you think
oh there we go
now it's so much better
it's a little closer
you can't
it sounds
Scouse is such an aggressive accent
so saying
suck me dick
oh girl I'm gonna fuck you
how would a girl tell you
to hit it from the back
let's say she wants to switch positions how would a girl tell you to hit it from the back like let's say
she wants to switch positions
how would she be like
fuck me from behind
fuck me arse
yeah yeah
she'd say
fuck me from behind
fuck me from behind
but like in a more like
girl
do they get more feminine
fuck me from behind
that's a good
scouts girl as well
fuck me from behind Fuck me from behind
Fuck me from behind
They're kind of naggy
They're a little
What was that?
Fuck me from behind
Fuck me from behind
Sounds like Dora
Fuck me from behind
Yeah man
Are all the positions
the same?
Like 69, missionary,
doggy style?
Yeah yeah yeah
That's translated
That comes over
We got the karma suit
We got the book Do you call it doggy style? Doggy yeah translated oh that comes over okay we got the comments
you call it doggy style doggy yeah you don't call it bango style
that's a type of curry that's that's when you put some that's when you put a french rider freedom fry have you ever like had a backlash from a group of people before for a joke
just jabs
today
yeah
yeah
no
have I ever had
backlashes about jokes
but from like a group
yeah
yeah
yeah
what's the worst
oh god
I don't even know
at this point
all groups
every single group
I'm getting backlash
from Gujaratis
because I'm doing
crowd work on a guy
he says he manages a hotel
I said your last name
is Patel
you good you motherfucker
your parents own it
and then I randomly
guess the name
of the hotel
and then there's
so many comments
in Hindi
about how
fuck me
and I have no respect
for the state
and it's like
y'all are offended
by everything
I literally just guessed
you got backlash for that
oh yeah
so many comments
but I think the Patels
have been very successful in the hotel industry in America.
And then I guess in India, because, you know, with YouTube, I have a growing Indian audience because of shorts.
But, like, I guess in India, they don't.
They're just so in such a hurry to get offended.
It's unbelievable.
Oh, wow.
It's like a snowflake thing there.
I don't think it's offense.
I think it's power.
Like, I don't think that people, yes, this execution is the same, but I don't think that they're sitting there like, I can't wait for someone to offend me.
I think it's, I can't wait to tell somebody what to do.
And now I have a weapon to tell people what to do.
So I don't think it's like everybody's a snowflake.
I think everybody just wants a weapon.
It's like everybody wants to eat the mushroom for Mario.
Everybody wants the star that makes you, you know...
Invincible.
Invincible.
Completely invincible.
And it's just like...
You feel powerless
given any sort of power.
Given a little bit of power.
Yeah, it's like,
you're not black.
You're not black.
You don't get it.
You don't get it.
Not in America.
I don't know how it is over there.
You don't get it.
Nobody gets it.
Just them.
You all decide to come here.
If you decide to eat
at the dairy restaurant and you're lactose
intolerant, who's that on?
It's on you.
Take that up with your mom and dad, yo.
Take it up with your mom and dad.
I'm just saying.
You might be the only man in history who's ever done a
dairy intolerance race.
I got to make it happen, bro.
I got to put it in this situation that they'll understand.
I'm just saying black people are entitled to every single thing that bothers them about America because they were forcibly brought here.
Everybody else was like, you see that racist-ass country where I could get rich?
I'm going for it.
Everybody else did it.
Speaking fast, probably. I'm just saying, everybody
else was like, that place is racist as fuck,
but I'm going anyway because I'm greedy.
Right? And then they came.
Simple as that. And we were like,
come here, get rich.
Being black is also the hardest.
You know how hard being black is? Jamie Foxx had a stroke.
God willing, everything is okay.
But you see that and like, yo, shouts to Jamie,
prayers up. But also, this is a
55-year-old man who looks like he's 28.
He's a multimillionaire
in the peak of health.
And when he had a stroke, I was like, yo, being black
is exactly as hard as black people say it is.
Holy shit.
Jamie Foxx at 55.
Bro, that shit is hard.
Yeah, man. Yeah, sh is hard. Yeah, man.
Yeah, shouts out to Jamie, man.
I don't know exactly what's going on,
but I have heard some people say it was a stroke.
That's some speculation, I think.
Yeah, man.
Shouts to Jamie, man.
Also, change of topic.
Adam's trying to switch teams, by the way.
To what?
He told us this before,
that he's trying to move to Nashville and become a country music star.
You love country, that's right.
I love country music.
Are you religious?
My dad loves country.
You need to get into religion if you're going to go live in Nashville.
It's big there.
Jesus is big.
Jesus is big in the music, too.
It's beautiful.
Huh?
It's beautiful.
Jesus is big in the music, too.
I actually do want to say one thing, and I mean this sincerely.
I mean this sincerely.
I don't believe white Christians.
I only believe Christianity
if it's coming out
of a black person's face.
I mean that.
Every white person
that I see preaching,
I'm like,
you fucking liar.
You fucking liar.
No soul.
That's why I believe Catholics
because that's how
a white person
would believe in God.
He'd be up there like, fuck this shit.
God, I'm not owning people.
You own me.
All right, fuck.
At least I've got a nice house to live in.
Shit.
But when I see white people up there, bro, it is, I think they up to something.
Yeah.
You're going to go Christian.
You've got to go black church.
Like Joel Osteen, you see him. He's got all the words and everything, but you're like, no. Something's off. Something's something. Yeah. You're going to go Christian, you got to go black shirt. Like Joel Osteen, you see him,
he got all the words
and everything,
but you're like,
no!
Something's off.
Yeah, something's off.
No!
Watch the other,
Creflo Dollar,
who I know for a fact
is just making money
off people.
I'm like,
he got the Lord in him.
What's the other guy?
Not Joel Osteen,
he's like an older guy.
What's his name?
He's a famous pastor?
Yeah.
People are famous pastors.
He's an old white guy? Yeah't believe it billy graham no he's the original like telling of whatever
you would believe them
that guy oh that guy's wild so he looks like the devil i'm convinced that if heaven and hell exists,
that guy there is the devil on earth.
He looks like it.
Or it's just his face.
Have you seen The Devil's Advocate?
You know the fucking face that the woman turns into in the store?
That's him.
It's fucking that.
I'm telling you, it's just white dudes.
You don't believe them when it comes to Christianity.
They have to be Catholic.
Christian white guys?
No.
Bollocks.
But he looks possessed.
There's something dark about him
yeah he's a fucking
weird
yeah
he's just horrible
yeah
if I move to Nashville
it's not
it's not gonna be religion
I can get on board
with them singing about him
yeah
the same way I can get on board
with a comedian
saying something that
I don't really
I don't believe the comedian
they're just trying to be funny
yeah
they're just trying to rhyme
something with fucking Jesus
yeah
and it's fire.
Christian music is great.
I loved it.
Full fucking weekend.
Can you tell them the story of your friend that didn't like country music?
Stop.
We're going to get him in there.
So Dan, who I host Have A Word With,
the reason we went to Nashville was Luke Combs was playing a stadium show.
Legend.
And everyone I do the podcast with hates country music,
and they take, like, they rag on me for liking it.
That's like a personality type that's kind of unfair.
It's very hacky.
Like how, like, Polish people are stupid.
Yeah.
It just became cool to not like country.
What kind of music?
Like, everything but country.
Exactly.
People would say that in America,
but they never listen to one country song.
By people, I mean me for most of my life.
I'm not listening to country, and I was like,
holy shit, this is the best music.
Because it's the people who like country.
Because we're like, oh, I'm not like those people.
So there's no way I can like this music.
But once you hear it, shit.
That's interesting.
Tennessee whiskey up.
Give me that.
That's a good ass point.
We're trying to create distance between the people that listen and ourselves.
Hey, I'm not like those people right there.
But fuck that. It's white people's I'm not racist. It is white people's I'm not racist. It's the new that listen and ourselves. Hey, I'm not like those people right there, but fuck that. Oh, it's white people's I'm not racist.
It is white people's I'm not racist.
It's the new I'm not racist, I have black friends.
But country music makes you feel comfortable
being racist.
Yeah.
Fuck yeah. I get it.
Somebody's gotta fucking get the
crap out of you.
What?
Come on, dude.
I just like how simple it is.
There's no metaphors in country music.
They're just singing about...
Literal.
Yeah, they're just like,
I love me wife.
Car.
But she's doing me a dinner,
so I've killed her,
but I've got a truck.
No, they never kill.
They never kill.
The women are the most violent.
Female country music is more violent
than any gangster rap that exists.
Every song is about
murdering the cheating husband
or keying up his car
or doing something incredibly violent.
I don't listen to female...
It was a big drop off from one to two. I gotta be honest.
I'm starting high.
I'm starting high. But my point is
you cannot listen to female country. Female country is
a very dangerous, toxic form of music.
I refuse to listen to it. I skip
every single time. When I'm listening to my Luke Combs
and shit, where I just got that ripping, I'm fine.
Female country, no.
Draw the line. We took the whole
squad out because I was like, I'm taking you to Nashville.
We're going to have the week there.
We'll end it with the Luke Combs concert. We'll film the whole
thing for our Patreon stuff.
And that's the plan.
And Dan, so one of the days we went to a
ranch that's run by a family and they had us there
for the day, cook for us, let us use the
ranch. And one of the guys who works at
the ranch, and he's also a musician.
And Dan is the worst for ragging on me
for hating country music.
It's been like a thing for him.
And he'd had like seven shots of moonshine.
Like, he's fucked.
And the guy starts, he goes,
right, these next two songs are sort of linked.
So he goes, the first one's about me sister.
He goes, she actually died last year.
She was hit by a drunk driver.
And this song is about what she meant to me year. She was hit by a drunk driver.
Oh, boy.
This song is about what she meant to me and who she was and where I think she's gone and how I'm going to see her again.
And he sang that and he said,
and then this next one is about the vengeance I felt
towards the man who hit her.
And it's about, like, loading his gun and going to,
he's like, but I won't do it.
And that's the song.
Like, the vengeance he wants to exact but won't do it.
And we got it all on camera
including the very last bit where if pan to dan who's rotten drunk sobbing and goes i finally get
country music that's all it takes oh it's fucking great and a couple of them have converted but then
i got a message before so they they flew back to the UK when I flew here.
And Carl, who's my best mate and our lead producer,
he put, the second they landed, he put,
if I ever hear a country song again,
or a good song in country style,
I'm going to blow my own fucking head clean off.
So we haven't quite won Carl around.
Carl will come around.
Yeah.
But Nashville's fucking so good.
Yes, that's great.
Charlemagne calls it white Atlanta. Have you ever been to Atlanta? That's what you said to me. Yes, that's great. Charlemagne calls it
white Atlanta.
Have you ever been to Atlanta?
That's what you said to me.
Yeah, it's just amazing.
It's a great city,
a lot of fun,
and country music
is just the best.
And just the highest
standard of women
I've ever seen
anywhere in the world.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
You prefer it to like
a Sweden or like a Denmark
or something like that?
Yeah.
But it's the attire.
Where the fuck
are you at?
Oh, yeah. And the hat. And you like heavy Where the fuck are you at? Cowgirl boots. Oh, yeah.
And the hat.
And you like heavy tits
or are you a big fucking chub guy?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You like big fucking tits.
He's not lactose intolerant,
you know what I'm saying?
You know what I'm saying?
He's probably like the Valley Pots
right there, bro.
Oh, it was fucking impossible.
And I was sat like
at the Luke Combs concert
on the aisle.
Yeah.
I'm like quite high up.
So people just walk.
It was just like a conveyor belt
of the best asses
you've ever seen in your life
and they've all got
cowgirl hats on
fucking torture
what is a good ass
for an English white guy
it's hourglass innit
oh so you like it
when it comes out
in and back out
but do you like it
when it comes also out
like that
oh yeah
just making sure
you saw a lot of that
in Nashville
yeah
oh the white girl's
got cake in Nashville
bring up that girl, the singer.
Oh, that country singer.
Holy shit.
What's her name?
Theo Haderon, I think.
Theo Haderon, that's right.
Now you have to check in.
My name box is a killer.
Look at this thing about to pop open.
Hold on.
I got to get the full video, but...
But he has compared it to England, so I guess...
Oh, I've seen this, yeah.
I've seen this. Oh. I've seen this.
Oh, I've seen this.
I mean, I can probably pull it up quicker than you can.
She got a BBL, bro.
She got a BBL.
I mean, it's retarded.
And that's not even a good angle.
Like, it gets even crazier.
And she's wearing camouflage.
Imagine that shit wasn't, you know what I mean?
Imagine she wasn't trying to blend in with that thing.
Do we have that video, Mark?
Yeah, I'll pull it up.
Okay, so any thoughts about moving to the States, potentially?
I would love to.
I'd have to bring the podcast in with us.
Of course.
Our podcast is so important to us.
I earn more money from the podcast now than from stand-up,
which I never thought was ever going to be possible.
That would probably change with this tour.
The tour I've just announced
is the tour you always
sort of aimed for.
Yeah.
Like,
the venue I did with you
in London,
we're doing five shows there.
Amazing.
We're doing two shows
in Liverpool
in like a 2,500 seat.
Wow.
Manchester's 40 miles
down the road from Liverpool.
We're doing the Manchester Apollo
where I opened for Bill Baird a few years ago
and for me like with venues and with career wise
taking off like venues that mean something to me
is so important
so like when Baird came over a few years ago
I did four dates with him
one in Glasgow
the Manchester one that I'm now doing
the same venue as
and then the Royal Albert Hall in London
the Royal Albert Hall now
to get back there
with my name
on the fucking tickets
is like the goal
do you know what I mean
but like
the podcast
is sort of
greater than the sum
of its parts
at the same time
like I'm doing two shows
and I'm building
a really big theatre
but then we did a live
podcast show
in December
in the arena
it's 8,000 people
insane completely sold out insane completely unlisted bill apart from like But then we did a live podcast show in December in the arena. It's 8,000 people. Insane.
Completely sold out.
Insane.
Completely unlisted bill apart from like us.
Crazy.
Bringing our friends on.
We booked like a 90s pop band.
Like everyone knew.
They closed the show out.
Just brought them out for no fucking reason.
Great, great.
It was just a fucking party.
And yeah, I'd love to move here.
Like there was moments in Nashville when we were sat around going,
we could just move this to Nashville.
Just go home and talk.
Because Carl, like our main producer,
he's been with his missus for like 12 years.
So they're ready to break up?
They're nearly done.
So Dan's married.
If they could convince their two partners,
let's just go and give it a go for a year.
I don't think it's beyond the realms of possibility
that we'd do it.
If you do do it, go to Austin, not Nashville.
Yeah, I do want to go down there.
You'll get the same kind of country feel,
but you'll have way more opportunities to do stand-up.
There's just not enough stand-up in Nashville right now.
There's a great club, Zany's.
We went down.
So on the Thursday night,
we took pretty much Thursday off from filming
because we were filming like 12 hours a day for a week.
Yeah.
Because what we,
with our podcast,
we do one public episode every week,
one episode on Patreon.
But then every month we give them a Patreon special
and it's us doing something that isn't just a podcast.
Right.
So like we went to Amsterdam for three days in January,
filmed for three days,
cut it down to an hour and a half.
That's the special.
Oh, wow.
Nashville's probably going to be a three-parter
because we did so much stuff.
Yeah.
But that's what, like,
the reason our Patreon is so big,
so we're like, I think,
13th in the world now.
Wow.
Wow.
So we've got 21,000 Patreons.
We've only got 60K subscribers.
Wow.
On your pod.
Oh, wow.
So you just have converted, like,
this large percentage of your followers.
Yeah, it's like a third of them sign up
amazing
which is just
compared to
I always like
very bullishly call us
the pound for pound
number one podcast
that's great
because like
per viewer
we make the most money
yeah
I mean it just shows
the power of like
you know building community
and doing what you can
like we can put anything on
we can go
oh we're gonna try
something fucking stupid
do you wanna come to this
and the tickets just go.
Like, last year, after I broke up with her, we did.
Did you ever have the TV show Blind Date?
Mm-hmm.
Where there's, like, a wall with, like, three.
We just did that.
Yeah.
We just did Blind Date in front of 1,000 people.
Huh.
Just.
Oh.
Is that how you met your current girl?
No.
Yeah.
No, but the girl I chose that night, like we were supposed to go on a date,
is now in a very serious relationship with Jamie.
Get out of here.
Did you guys hook up a little?
Did nothing?
No.
And one night, Jamie was in a pub in Liverpool,
and he texts me and he goes,
you know Lauren, who you met at Blind Date,
did anything ever happen?
And are you pursuing anything?
Because she's here, and I feel like I...
And I was like, no, no, no.
Oh, God.
And he's like, no, you swamped.
Look out for the boys.
She's fucking great. She's lovely, but
yeah, they're together now.
Alright, guys, let's take a break for a second. Listen,
okay? You know what you're doing this week.
Let's be honest.
You know what you're doing. It ain't paying them back
taxes, okay? You're sticking
that bong on the kitchen table,
you're filling it up, and you're taking rips, okay? And if you're smart, you're doing that bong on the kitchen table, you fill it up and you take in rips.
Okay, and if you're smart, you're doing it with the freeze pipe.
Simple as that.
Look at this.
Look how beautiful that piece is.
Look how beautiful that piece is.
You smoke a few rips from that right there with the girl that you love, you're going to be hearing that lasagna sound later.
You're going to be hearing lasagna later. It looks like someone's taking some lasagna
out the lasagna platter and then put it on a plate. That's what it's going to sound like.
That's what you're going to have to tell your kids. Like, mom, dad, what's going on there?
Oh, we're just moving lasagna from the platter to the plate. That's it. Well, we didn't even have lasagna tonight.
You didn't.
Daddy is.
You know, I almost hit this shit like a trombone.
My point is, the most beautiful pieces in the business.
And by the way, this piece right here is called the tornado bong.
If you want to get this right here.
Oof, look how gorgeous that is.
Also, they got the glycerin
chamber, so you know that smoke coming in nice and cool. Take the biggest rippies. Get nice and
toasty. Get nice and toasty. This is the week to do it, okay? The Freeze Pipe has got your back.
Now, Freeze Pipe's biggest sale of the year to celebrate 420 is going on.
Okay?
It's the Cannabis Christmas, so you can save up to $40 off select pipes, bubblers, bongs, and more.
Just visit thefreezepipe.com and find your new favorite piece.
See something you like that's not on sale?
Use the code FLAGRANT and you're going to save 15% off your entire order.
Okay?
That's thefreezepipe.com.
And enjoy their biggest sale of the year.
The sale ends April 20th.
So get on it immediately.
Now let's get back to the show.
All right, guys, we got to take a break for a second because Purple Rose Supply has created the most brilliant rolling device whose name I am terrified to say, okay?
They did everything perfect with this product except the name. But look at this.
You just put your tobacco right here like that.
Close it, lock it, pack it.
Perfect, perfect cylinder that you can drop right in your papers.
Okay?
Definitely do it with tobacco.
I don't know if there's anything else, but that's one thing you can definitely do.
They call this thing a combination between cannabis and cigar.
And I'll let you guys figure that out. Okay? It's cannabis and cigar. And I'll let you guys figure that out.
Okay?
It's cannabis and cigar.
Can
a
a gar.
There we go.
That's how I'm gonna say it. Anyway,
Purple Rose Supply has put together
this beautiful piece so that you can be rolling
the best roll-ups in your life.
Remember, size doesn't matter because Can-A-Gar comes in four different sizes to make sure all your smoking needs are set.
They got mini, personal, small, and large.
You'll get more out of a gram in a can-uh-gar
than with your old regular rolls.
It's perfect. It's perfect.
I'm a nagar that doesn't know how to roll.
You're a hint.
You're a hint.
You got to say it. I can't say it.
What are you, Alex?
I'm a nagar that doesn't know how to roll, son.
All right, listen.
You'll get more out of your gram in a can, a, gar,
than with your old regular rolls since it burns way longer. Stop wasting good product and fully enjoy each gram.
So go to purplerosesupply.com slash flagrant
and use the promo code flagrant to get 15% off your order of a can of gar.
Let's get back to the show.
Also, guys, Bumass City's tour about to kick off right now.
First, not a Bumass City, but I'm coming to Comedy Works in Denver this weekend.
Saturday early show is sold out, so hurry up and buy the tickets before the rest sell out as well.
Also, May 3rd, East Providence, Rhode Island.
I think tickets are almost sold out for that show.
May 10th and May 11th, I'm coming to Missouri, St. Louis, and Kansas City.
I'm going to be honest.
Tickets not even close to sold out.
So last time I was in St. Louis, y'all almost killed me.
If y'all don't sell this bitch out, I'm never coming back.
Fuck y'all. Who cares?
Get your tickets for that at akashsingh.com.
And before I go, I got my own shoe.
Look at that. I don't have as flexible a hip as Andrew.
But this company called
Novella reached out to me during the pandemic.
They said, we have been watching your comedy. We love it.
We would like to make a shoe with
details from your life. So it's got a bunch
of details from, it's got a lantern on it
for the Village Lantern where Andrew and I came up as comedians.
The inside is the flagrant pink,
flagrant flamingo pink.
It's a really cool shoe.
You can get that at novella, N-O-V-L-L-A, 2020.com.
It's called The Lion.
So get your tickets for the Big Desi Energy Tour
at akashsingh.com.
And then cop some shoes at novella2020.com.
Now let's get back to the show.
Okay, let's do some feelings and facts, my boy.
Alright, Hakimi's wife filed for divorce.
She goes to get
half his money. Turns out
it's filed under his mom's name. Fantastic.
Yeah. Fantastic. So there's this guy who plays
for, was it Real Madrid and then Morocco?
PSG. Or PSG.
And he
grew up in Spain. I think so, yeah.
And
we obviously went to Morocco, and we're all into it.
That's where I first really heard about this dude.
And just an amazing story.
I don't know if this is real, but it's going viral everywhere.
Yeah.
Oh, it's 100% real.
Also, this won't be like, this won't have been his plan.
As great as it is that he's, do you know what I mean?
Like, and funny. Like, this will just be a tax dodge. be like this won't have been his plan as great as it is that he's jeremy like i'm funny like this
will just be a tax dodge so he's like oh uh this i pay my wages to hakibi football limited and my
mom is the ceo of it and it'll be so he's not it'll be like the way taxes work in europe is if
you do that you'll pay a lot less tax on the money if it's getting paid to a business rather than an
individual because you can get more tax breaks so it'll be that like it's getting paid to a business rather than an individual, because you can get more tax breaks. So it'll be that.
It's very common for comedians
who start earning a lot of money
in the UK, their partners are
then managing director
of Andrew Schultz's comedian.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, let's look at her. So she's of
Tunisian descent, born in Spain as
well.
Apparently from Spain is like big
and then apparently
there's reports that he's going to get half of her assets.
Yeah, because she's got money.
Yeah, her assets are in her name.
You never once thought about where the money's coming from?
Yeah.
You never once were like, hey, whose name is this?
Oh, you don't have anything in your name?
In years of marriage it never came up, it was never mentioned?
It's so easily explained
like if she goes
where's this money coming from
he goes oh
it's coming from
this shell company
so we don't have to pay taxes.
Yeah it's in Monaco.
She doesn't know
she doesn't fucking understand
what it is.
She's never fucked is she?
Yeah.
Also this how you know
that everybody's acting
like she's some gold digger
like this how you know
she was pure.
She never asked
where the money was going.
Yeah.
She actually loved him
had kids with him
like this isn't some gold digger.
She put two kids out here
and he's going to take
half of her shit?
That's some scumbag shit
if you ask me.
Is it a big, like,
bad breakup?
Like, why is the news
of the whole money thing?
I think there's some
infidelity going on.
I assume his infidelity
is because he's a soccer player
and that's apparently
just what it is.
Even more so than the NBA.
You probably can't, like,
you probably have to say
the word allegedly,
but there's
rumors and
proceedings I believe
that the infidelity
was not consensual as well
whoa
that was an allegation
there's allegations
and apparently
what she said is
that's what
we're like
it was too far
which is allegations
which I don't know
it's kind of
convenient timing
yeah
allegedly she's like
not only have you cheated on me, you've raped someone.
Ah, gotcha.
That's the allegation.
Wow, they've kept that in the tuck.
They could protect soccer players well out there, bro.
Yeah.
We just heard about the money situation.
I heard nothing about that.
I heard nothing about that.
Is everybody on the take or something like that?
Why are we not getting that information?
Because...
Is that something everybody knows out there in Europe?
Yeah, I knew that before I knew the divorce thing.
But I could list you a load of footballers there's rumors about and allegations.
Like Cristiano Ronaldo can't play in the States.
There's a reason he went to Saudi Arabia.
I won't say what that reason is.
Oh, we all know that.
I didn't realize it was due to the allegations.
But I thought they dropped that case.
They dropped the case because he paid her.
But there's transcripts of him going,
there's a transcript of Ronaldo,
you could find it in five seconds,
where he's like,
she repeatedly asked me to stop and I carried on.
Oh, holy shit.
Like he's confessed it,
but he was like, here's the money.
But then she came back and asked for more money
and it was like, no.
Kobe doesn't have one as crazy as that, but Kobe got a wild one kobe got one where he basically is like i
understand why she thought it was rape like kobe got a wild one too so i know it sounds crazy
i know but it's also went through the trial and then so the public opinion it's easier to digest
it because it's like well he was found not guilty.
So he's not guilty.
You see what I'm saying?
This is,
I said she asked me to stop
and then I just paid her off
and everybody's overlooking that.
He's saying she asked me to stop.
There's a player who plays for Arsenal
and so it's sort of common knowledge
that there's stuff going on with him
but he's just being allowed
to continue to play
because it's not,
he hasn't been charged with anything.
Yeah.
So his name's Thomas Party.
He also plays for Ghana.
But when he scores for Arsenal and all the Arsenal fans are like, fucking get him, Party.
If you look at any quote tweet of it,
are you really celebrating this man?
Whoa.
There was one guy that had allegations,
got dropped from every team,
and then the allegations were false or something
and then didn't get re-signed.
Do you remember this?
I forget who this was.
This was, like, something recent.
English guy.
Mason Greenwood?
I think so, yeah.
No, so that wasn't false.
So, Mason Greenwood.
There's audio footage
that his now-pregnant partner,
it was, like, leaked,
and she was like,
oh, I didn't put that out there.
But it's because he was ab out there but it's she's
because he was abusing her
like she's got
bridges and windows
and like she's
audio recorded it
to have as evidence
and she's like
Mason stop
and he's like
I want to have sex with you
she's like well I don't want him
and he's like
I don't give a fuck what you want
jeez
so he was
dropped by
he plays for Manchester United
and he's still listed
as their thing
because it was
going to court
a witness dropped out
she didn't want to
press charges anymore
because
apparently
she's pregnant with this child
whoa
and she was like
look yeah
it's a really horrible
toxic relationship
but I want to be back with you
so he's now
not going to prison
because there's no charges
to be followed up on
I didn't realise
but there's audio
that you again
could find in 30 seconds on the internet of him all that. But there's audio that you, again,
could find in 30 seconds on the internet
of him doing that stuff.
But she's like,
I love him, I want her.
So then what do you do?
But then,
no Manchester United fan
ever wants him to play
for Manchester United.
There's some fucking idiots
on Twitter
who are like,
just get him back,
he's not guilty.
And it's like, no,
he hasn't been found guilty,
that doesn't mean
he hasn't done anything.
And can you really then put him in a fucking
Manchester United shirt and have children around the world
fucking worshiping this guy when there's literally
audio footage on the internet?
Is this a newer thing?
Soccer players are no good, bro.
Yeah, these soccer players are a couple hooligans, dude.
These guys are goofballs.
Is this a newer thing for soccer players?
Yeah, because we have this for football players in America.
This kind of sounds similar, but we have the excuse of, you know, they just are riddled with CTE.
Yeah.
I think social media has just made it easier for people like me to find out that it happened.
This has always been happening, you're saying?
I think so.
Like, the reason I know the rumors about Thomas' party is that it was all over Twitter.
And the girl who was involved was like, the police aren't doing anything.
Here are literally screenshots of the text from me and him.
Jesus.
So she was like, nothing's going to happen to him,
but I want you all to know who this guy is.
You would never have heard about that in the 90s
if a footballer was accused of it.
Like, how would a victim get...
Do you think the football or soccer players
are just so used to people faking being hurt
that they tend to...
I thought she was trying to draw a yellow.
Play the whistle.
It's a wild thing that that news
never comes over here.
We do get soccer news.
This Hakimi story is just nuclear.
Everybody's talking about it,
but I think that's more like Manosphere stuff.
It's like, I got over on a girl.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is a victory for men, isn't it?
That's why you know about it.
He could be working in a fucking supermarket
and you'd have heard about this.
It's like Britney's ex, what was his name?
Kevin Federline.
Yeah, when he got that settlement.
Yeah, it's the most American story of all time.
I think Kelly Clarkson's husband got a bunch of money from her.
I didn't like that though.
I don't know why. I like Kelly Clarkson.
I didn't like that.
I thought that was just...
She's just so sweet.
She seems like a nice, hard-working girl.
You know what I mean?
She doesn't seem like a gold-digging slut.
She made all the money. I hope she She doesn't seem like a gold-digging slut Right?
Like she made all the money Yeah, nah, I don't know
I hope she is, that was such a nice compliment
You don't look like a gold-digging slut
Yeah
Good for you
Fucking done good for yourself
Yeah
Yeah, do you know who Kelly Clarkson is?
Yeah
Okay, you're not a musician
Okay, what else we got?
Speaking of music, AI music has taken over the entire world
Have you heard these songs?
Yeah, the Drake shit.
Yeah, it's just wild.
The Drake and the Weekend Join
is fire.
Yeah, the songs are great,
but it's kind of remarkable
how quickly they've gotten good.
I mean, it sounds like Travis Scott.
You know how
women have been using
drag queen makeup?
Contouring and these types of things are traditional drag queen makeup, contouring and these types of things, or traditional drag queen makeup, and women have absorbed it.
So women's makeup is making them look a little bit more trans.
And then trans women, the surgery and shit is getting better, so they're kind of meeting in the middle.
I think that's what's happening and why the AI music sounds so good because we're distorting people's normal voices with these filters.
So there's these audio filters.
So a guy like Travis Scott is putting the auto-tune on.
So it's changing his voice and making it more AI-able.
Have you heard AI Ariana?
Ariana Grande?
No.
She's not like a robotic singer.
And I think academics posted something.
But I guess what I'm trying to say is when we went to, when we were in London, we like sang in this booth.
And like they completely changed my voice to make it way better than it was.
When we even did that Open Her Up song, like I did not sound like it at all.
They completely distorted my voice.
They're doing that with all of our favorite artists.
Whether they can sing or not, they are changing them, manipulating them.
So it's like it's just getting closer to what a machine can do,
and now they're meeting
in the middle.
If you compare,
this would be the real test,
you compare like Frank Sinatra
with AI Frank Sinatra.
Because that's the most
pure version of it
because they didn't have
all these tools
to manipulate
how the person sounds.
I'm fairly certain
it would still be close.
Because again, Ariana, I've heard her sing
live at like SNL
or something one time and I was like, holy fuck.
Here's a song I just found. I've never heard it before.
This is Frank Sinatra singing Toxic
by Britney Spears.
Get into it.
Not even close to Frank Sinatra.
This sounds like
Fred Astaire. Yeah, it's not even close. And there's. This sounds like Fred Astaire.
Yeah, it's not even close.
And there's a perfect example.
And they just need more data, and they can eventually kind of figure it out.
But Travis's voice is already AI, so it's easy to AI him.
I think you can make Alex sound like Travis or me sound like Travis or you sound like Travis if you just put enough autotune on.
Yeah.
or you sound like Travis if you just put enough autotune on.
Yeah.
Yeah, I will say, though,
to Autocash's point,
like, some of the ones, like,
like, I think Rihanna did a Beyonce song,
and it sounds identical to Rihanna.
Like, again, it's machinified.
Like, Rihanna's voice is probably
slightly machinified,
but it still sounds...
If you play the...
God, Academics did,
posted an Ariana Drake cover, I think.
And it's like, yo,
this does not sound like a robot.
The thing, I think everybody's talking about it just because it's new tech, and it's cool And it's like, yo, this does not sound like a robot. The thing, I think everybody's talking about it
just because it's new tech and it's cool.
It's like, oh shit, let's see how this person sounds
singing somebody else's song.
But at the end of the day...
No, they have them singing Bollywood, dude.
They have them speaking a different language.
I just think no one's going to care.
Like in six months, no one's going to care
because no one can put out a song saying,
hey, this is a Drake song and make money off of it
because they're going to get sued.
And then this whole shit is going to stop.
So this is just a cool little thing that we all care about now.
I don't think it's really going to be a thing.
Will they create remixes?
You know how we enjoy remixes.
DJs come out and they make these illegal remixes where they blend different songs together.
Will they start doing that with famous rappers' voices or famous singers' voices?
And if they're great, we like a great song.
It doesn't matter what it is.
Right?
The moment that person puts it out for sale, then the record label is just.
But that's the thing.
You don't need to put it out for sale.
Yeah.
Like, it can just exist on the internet and then become the new coolest thing.
And it's almost like.
People don't sell music that much.
And all these TikTok songs also.
Streaming sites.
Once it's on a streamer, you're profiting off it.
Yeah, you can.
But let's say that they're not profiting off it.
It's just a popular thing to use.
It's a video that we like.
Something that helps the artist.
Now it's just another banger for that artist and the artist didn't have to do any work.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it's the same thing that DJs are doing now already.
But there's a weird copyright loophole where if you do an impression of someone's voice exactly, they don't get royalties for it.
You know what I mean?
Parody law, isn't it?
You're allowed to parody anything.
It's an imitation.
If you're able to do a perfect Drake accent and then you cover a Rihanna song as Drake and you can do a perfect accent,
he doesn't get a cut of you doing a cover that sounds like him.
You know what I mean?
Or any of these bands that sound like other artists, like they don't get a cut of it. So if you could release a song that has a feature from unknown Canadian rapper,
and it's like people will come up with pseudonyms for all of these rappers,
like Canadian artist featuring on my song,
and it sounds exactly like Drake putting a fire verse on your track,
is that Drake and is he entitled to compensation?
It's just more work for lawyers.
And I don't think people are going to like the song.
Once we know that's good, AI is going to be like,
ah, it sounds dope, but it's still not. I don't think so. No, like the song. Once we know that AI is going to be like, ah, it sounds dope, but it's still not.
I don't think that's true. This has already been solved
in film.
So you have the
CGI rights to your face.
And you can license your CGI rights.
So like, what is the guy's name? Bruce Willis, I think.
Bruce Willis, yeah. So Bruce Willis licenses
CGI rights. And there are other people who knew that they were going to die.
That's how I'm going to use him now.
Big time. But for real, think about it also with people who are part of existing franchises when they know knew that they were going to die. I'm not going to use him now. Big time. But for real, think about it
also with people who are part of existing franchises
when they know that they're probably going to die.
You wouldn't even need to flip out Dumbledore
if you know you could do it.
Harrison Ford. He's doing a movie where he's
aged down and he said this is the first time
it seemed realistic so he signed on to do it but he's playing
a guy in his 50s or whatever.
So I think they'll just do the same thing
with your voice. And we know if it's fucking Drake's voice
and they'll find some way where it has to be
within five percentage points of authentic.
But that's if they pass a law.
Do they have a law that inhibits you from using some voice?
They will have to pass a law.
They will once what happens without us talking about it,
once it becomes profitable.
Once there's money involved,
they're going to find a way to get their money.
And they deserve it.
The problem that's coming with AI is that it's moving so quickly.
I was reading something about this the other week, that because laws take so long to get
passed, by the time laws are passed on AI, AI will be so much further ahead, and then
they'll have to do it again.
Yeah.
So law isn't going to be able to keep up with the rate of AI, and that's like a big ethical
problem with it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, they could theoretically,
we would probably have to do
the same thing for this pod,
for our stand-up,
whatever.
There's an AI Joe Rogan experience.
It isn't great yet,
but the point is,
and they say this at the beginning,
this is to show how AI will improve.
It's just going to get better
and better.
But episode one wasn't great.
By episode 1,000,
three years from now,
that shit could be crazy.
Exactly.
I think there's quite
a way off on jokes
and the reason I think
that is
so a friend of mine
is called Rebecca
she put into
chat GPT
and said
write me a joke
in the style of Adam Rowe
yeah
now
they know
when you're a comedian
and when you're not
because she also put
write me a joke
in the style of Rebecca
and then her surname
and said I apologise
I'm not aware of a comedian
named Rebecca
so it knows who it is
and who it isn't
but for me
and you've got to understand
how offensive this was
because this is a robot
that has took
every bit of information
I've ever put on the internet
and this is the perfect
amalgamation
it's come up with
it's like this is something
he would say
I told my girlfriend
I wanted to spice up
our relationship
so she bought me
a paprika shaker.
I said I meant role play,
and now every time we have sex,
she dresses up as a chicken tikka masala.
That is the internet.
Putting my entire body of work into two sentences.
And you're reading about this thing,
it's like the smartest brain ever.
It is the perfect brain.
It is a genius machine.
In fact, this is what he'd say.
They chose the right setup, though.
That was the joke that I saw
from you that I was like, yeah, you should definitely open
when I was in London.
The strap-on joke.
It was so funny.
They had me on the setup.
With them fucking
Pacos, man, with their curries.
They're always getting away.
All right, what else we got, Mike?
Okay, so TikTok is officially banned in Montana.
Do you want to talk about that?
Apparently, you just can't download it like a new, like you can't get it from the App Store, but if you have it, you can still use it.
Oh, so in the whole state of Montana?
Yeah, and then I think they are charging platforms that keep having it available to download $10,000 a day.
So like if Apple still has it
on the App Store in Montana,
$10,000 a day, fine.
Oh, wow.
If I'm not mistaken.
Yeah, but they said
there's no real way to enforce it
other than making the App Stores
remove it off of the platform
for a fee per day.
What I think is we're afraid
that there's another country
that is winning the culture war.
So it's not about
extracting our data. It's the fact that none of our apps war. So it's not about extracting our data.
It's the fact that none of our apps can fuck with it,
and we don't like that, which is pussy.
Make the better app.
You also brought up, I think it was you,
brought up you could put propaganda on there from that country.
And I think you said this with the monk story,
or maybe Mark said this.
It's just suddenly all over TikTok
to the point that maybe China put it there
so we would be like, yo, your joke,
maybe we should look into Tibet.
Maybe they're not victims.
Maybe these guys are crazy.
And that's another fear.
Yeah, they absolutely will do that.
And instead of having to buy ads on Facebook to manipulate elections,
they'll do it through TikTok.
Let's give it straight.
So make something better.
Like, don't shut it down.
Make a better version.
But I'm pretty sure apps also, like once you agree to the terms and services,
they can track other stuff that you're doing on your phone. So it's not just what you're posting. a better version. But I'm pretty sure apps also, like once you agree to the terms and services,
they can track other stuff that you're doing on your phone.
Of course.
So it's not just
what you're posting.
It's not as simple as I put it
and that was stupid reductive.
You can see your location
and all that type of shit.
100%.
And they'll know
what other things
we're interested in
and how they can sway us
and absolutely we'll use it
come election time
or they'll know how to target us
with certain things.
So they'll know
when a kid is conservative
and they know what ads they need to send at him to make sure that he votes for Trump or votes for
DeSantis or whatever is in the best interest of China. Sure, 100%. It just bothers me that like,
no pun intended, we're bowing down and go, make it illegal. It's like, no, make something better.
Do you know what I mean? Like just make a better... If the fucking Germans got some crazy plane,
make a better plane so we could
take out those fucking German planes.
Do you know what I'm saying? You don't just go,
no Germans, no planes
in war. They should have done that, actually. That's kind of a good idea.
Just ban planes.
Way better war type of...
Yes! Make
better shit! But isn't that what we did with nukes?
We used two nukes and then we're like,
yo, everybody chill on these nukes.
Let's not make as many nukes.
Let's pass a couple laws.
Let's get these nukes out of here.
Yo, we do be doing that shit.
The second other people got nukes,
we're like, I think we need an agreement.
I think we need an agreement.
We're gatekeeping nukes.
That's not fair.
Yeah, we can't do that shit.
Now, I will say it's pussy of China
to not let us put our shit over there.
They don't want any of our apps over there.
So if it's like tit for tat, sure, but we were never that way.
We can't wait for Chinese dollars for movies.
We can't wait for Chinese dollars for everything.
It's like, fuck that.
What about the Chinese phone?
The Huawei or whatever?
I mean, I guess every phone is a Chinese phone when you think about it, right?
That's where we're making them.
But, yeah, I don't know.
It just seems soft.
I don't like that.
Yeah.
I want to see Mark Zuckerberg working.
I don't want to see him doing karate
or fucking hanging out in Hawaii.
He's doing taekwondo or whatever.
He's at MMA fights.
He's hanging out in Hawaii,
and China's whooping our ass on these fucking TikToks.
He's an absolute sociopathic animal,
and now he's just taking it easy?
Right? Like, what happened
when you were fucking over your friends to become one of the
most powerful people in the world? Where's that fucking guy?
Come back. You don't get to now be a fun
guy that vacations and puts zinc on his face.
Am I not allowed to retire? No.
He's too important. No. You're our slave.
That's our
white slave. Mark Zuckerberg is our
white slave. You're out of it. Get back to sl slave. Mark Zuckerberg is our white slave.
You're out to get those slaves.
Fix it.
What is the convo in England?
Are they going to ban it over there?
No, it's just not even a thing.
A lot of the discourse about it in England is laughing at the American government trying to do it.
It's like, why the fuck?
It's sort of taking your... It's embarrassing.'t yeah but y'all already lost hundreds of years ago
like you're comfortable no for real that is part of it that is part of it like you don't care as
much but it's embarrassing yeah it's it's just especially because like in the sort of the footage
from is it in congress yeah where they're discussing it. Like the guys interviewing the TikTok guy
just look fucking stupid at every,
because he's just got an answer for everything.
And they're like, it's like that Kathy Newman,
Jonathan Peterson, Jordan Peterson interview,
where they're like, so you're saying,
and he's just like, no, no, no.
I'm just saying what I've just said.
He's just embarrassing them.
So it's making the United States look a bit.
There's a great part where everybody's reacting like this
they asked if he lets his kids
use TikTok, they asked the CEO
they asked him if he lets his
kids use TikTok and he said
he doesn't and it's like
well don't let your
kids use TikTok you fucking
idiot, instead they're going see
this is how you know it's bad
well be a parent.
You wait for China
to parent your fucking kids?
Do you let your kids drink whiskey?
No.
Let's get rid of whiskey.
Fuck whiskey, dude.
I mean, it's just shocking, man.
It's shocking because the parents,
that's the thing,
the parents,
they don't want to have
to look after their kids.
And I get that,
I imagine, as well.
It's nice that you could just put a screen in front of your kid.
He doesn't cry, he doesn't moan, he doesn't bitch about anything.
You can do whatever you want for an hour.
You don't have to worry. He's going to be safe.
I get that. That's got to be nice.
He's going to be the best parent, bro.
For an hour, bro.
For an hour, one hour.
That didn't exist back in the day.
They played blocks, they got bored,
and you had to be like, I get it, that's fucking boring.
You know what I mean?
You empathize with the kid, but now it's... That's what child labor was about. It was just like, go do bored, and you have to be like, I get it, that's fucking boring. You know what I mean? Like you empathize with the kid,
but now it's...
That's what child labor was about.
It was just like,
go do something.
Give them something to do.
Oh, now you're bitching?
In the shop?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
In the shop?
Kids want to work.
That's what Minecraft is, really.
It's just like building stuff all day.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, maybe the sweatshop thing
isn't that crazy.
Yeah, they want to be out there
in the field.
What else would they be doing?
Nothing.
On the internet.
Commenting on our videos.
I got bored with stuff like that, really.
I started working when I was like 12,
like just selling things.
So I'd like burn like pirate DVDs and sell them.
I had a paper round,
and I would sell fake DVDs and fake CDs
so the customers on the paper round.
We'd never had like a tuck shop.
Like you couldn't buy sweets or crisps at school.
So I'd just sell them
on the yard
I'd take like
bags of crisp
and chocolate
and drinks
and hustle
yeah
bro you were OG Netflix dude
you were the first Netflix
like I would
I would do
any like latest film
release
I'd get you that
I could like
if there was an album
that came out
I could get you that
and I used to do a thing
where it was like
if you just want to pick
10 songs
I'll just put them
on a CD for you
oh
I had like like two big neighborhoods worth of papers.
The paper I paid like 14 pound a week.
It was just nothing.
But like I was making like...
Oh, so you use that to get into people's homes
so you can sell them all the other shit.
Genius.
Here's your paper and do you want to order any?
You want some sweets, you want some CDs.
Wow.
Fucking genius.
Damn, bro.
Why did I start?
Why did I start?
Yeah.
Because I became 18 and you can't... So you're 18? I think I was like 16. Wow. Fucking genius. Damn, bro. Why did I stop? Why did I stop? Yeah. Because I became 18 and you can't.
So you're 18?
I think I was like 16.
Yeah.
Wow.
Like 12 to 16.
I didn't want to left school.
I got a job straight away.
I worked in McDonald's for two years
and then I worked in bars when I started standing up.
Oh, wow.
Wait, you went from having your own business,
hustling, to working at McDonald's.
Yeah, people don't want like an adult
knocking on their door
asking them to sell DVDs.
That had to be a step down
in income though.
A little bit.
But I always just,
I've always just been like,
I will work every hour
I can stay awake
so that I can earn as much money
and then just enjoy it.
I treat the stand up the same.
It's like,
I did 10 years of,
before Have A Word took off,
the greatest thing
Have A Word has done
for me as a comic
is given me the freedom
to not do gigs I don't want to do. Yeah. So like, I don't have to drive is done for me as a comic is giving me the freedom to not do
gigs i don't want to do yeah so like i don't have to drive three hours for a few hundred pounds i
can gig for nothing in liverpool or manchester yeah and with the freedom to fail yeah the freedom
to go on stage and go oh i don't have to kill yeah i can figure this bit out yeah like the way
you would use your new york clubs of course that's not really a thing in the uk like every gig is
you're getting paid to close.
You've got to,
like, you've got to deliver.
You've got to do 20 minutes.
Yeah.
Like, if I could just drop into a club
and go,
can I just do 15 minutes,
unlisted,
just bang it out,
do it wrong,
get it wrong,
upset people and go,
oh, I'm going to go and work on that.
Yeah.
That's what Have A Word's done for me
as a comic is,
I, like,
do you see the special
we were talking about before?
When we had a chat at the comedy cell a couple of weeks ago,
you asked me a question
I don't think we ever got to answer,
which was, how do you try an hour out?
How do you work that through, like, in clubs?
What I started doing was just putting on Adam Rowan friends.
So I'd have two friends on.
They'd do 10 minutes each, we'd have an interval.
And then I would just do the hour
with the complete freedom to fuck it up.
Really cheap tickets.
Yeah.
And I did Juicy
maybe 30 times.
Yeah.
Before I filmed it.
But that was it.
That's all.
Yeah.
Just 30 shows.
Yeah.
Because it's a story.
Yeah.
It was like,
all I've got to do is find
the meaningful bits.
Like there was a couple of moments
where I was like,
that goes there.
And then I also had
another comic direct it. So he came to every preview and was like tell me about that put that
there put that there change that he made me take jokes out that got big laughs because he was like
it doesn't matter yeah to the story he's like you're getting a big laugh but what for it's
just distracting from what we're trying to do yeah um yeah putting that hour together was it was I started writing in September
and we filmed it in January
wow
like how can you ever
ten and
that's crazy
at a comedy club
or you just found a venue
and did it
so there's a venue in Glasgow
called the Rotunda
and it's not a particularly
sort of
it's not like a club
that all comics want to play
and it doesn't look very great
but because I could
I knew we were going to get
a pink velour curtain
and I knew I wanted it really tight so what actually happened with it in the build knew we were going to get a pink Velour curtain and I knew I wanted it really tight.
So what actually happened with it?
When we were doing the arena show with the podcast in December,
my plan was do this story, find out how long it was.
And originally it was like 35, 40 minutes.
And I was like, right, I'll get that down to 20.
I'll do it at the arena show and I'll release the footage from that as like a mini special,
like a 20-minute here's the story.
Because I was quite sort of constantly tagging my ex-girlfriend
on Instagram and stuff,
all of my followers have always been like, what happened?
Like you seem like they're happy and like what,
well, they wanted to know.
So I always felt like I owed them the story,
which is a weird feeling to have when it's
a personal thing
yeah
you guys were so open
about that relationship
so I was like
I'll get it down to 20 minutes
and then
I did an Adam Rowan
Friends in London
and I had me mate Alfie
and me mate Vittorio
open for me
and they both
come backstage
they both had two things
first of all Alfie was like
that needs to get longer
not shorter
he's like there's more to that
and you can't be
boiling that down.
And then Vittorio said,
that set will work at the arena.
Like all of your fans will love it
and it'll get a big laugh.
But you can't release it as a special from there
because it's going to look stupid.
You telling that story that relies on
someone who doesn't already like you
to have empathy and understand what it was about.
Doing that in front of 8,000 people
is just not going to look right.
He went, that story,
and the sentence he used was,
that belongs in the back room of a pub.
That is something that like an old man sat on his own
would tell someone he's just met.
In the back room, he went, find a little room.
So we went to Glasgow and there's a 200 seater.
We got the kit and put it,
and we were like, if the shots are all tight,
you won't see how much of a shit hole the room is
we can just
like really frame it
like it looks like
we've invented a venue for it
and it was perfect for it
we did four shows
200 people a show
two Saturday
two Sunday
and just filmed them all
and in the end
we just used the last show
oh wow
it was the last show
on the Sunday
that's when you got it
it was because I was like oh I've already got it yeah like we got it in the end we just used the last show. Oh, wow. It was the last show on the Sunday. That's when you got it.
It was because I was like, oh, I've already got it.
Yeah.
Like, we got it in the can and I relaxed and I was finding, like, little tiny new bits to it
and I come off and Alfie was like,
Alfie was supposed to go home
because that was the last show.
He was like, I'm going to get,
because he was going to go back to London on, like, a flight.
He's like, I'm just going to go home
as soon as you're on stage.
I'll watch you do the first five
and then I'll go because there's no directing to do now and towards the end i could see at the
back of the room like alfie's silhouette and i was like what the fuck are you still doing here
and i come off and i was like are you still doing it he went i knew that was the one that was the
one he's like because he was doing the edit he was like i wasn't leaving yeah he's like i wanted
to make sure you nailed every bit of it. Because in the penultimate show,
I'd come off and he'd gone,
you've got it now.
But if you could do these 16 things
in the last show,
then it's perfect.
It's already good enough,
but get these 16 things in.
And I got 15 of them.
We missed one thing,
but it wasn't big enough for us to be like,
and he was like,
that is as close.
And he's like,
I don't know how you've just done that.
I don't know how you've gone on
with one show left to do
and gone,
do exactly what we did in the third show,
plus these 15 things.
Yeah.
He went,
but you did it.
And the reaction to Juicy was just,
it's changed what I want to do
at my next hour.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because I,
like my plan was,
this is one story.
So I've dropped two specials this year.
The other one,
Imperius,
was my last tour show yeah
and that's just an hour of stand-up that's just a tour yeah punchline punchline concept comedy
here's the idea is the jokes that make that point of view okay i was like i don't want to be the
type of comic who does like something like juicy all the time yeah but the amount like when i
released imperious i was i maybe got like when I released Imperius I was getting I maybe got like
a thousand messages
from people
and it was like
one sentence
really enjoyed the special
man keep it up
I've had
it must be
ten thousand messages
and Juicy's had
less views
than Imperius
but their paragraphs
their people going
they haven't
because they haven't,
they're not totally educated on all the stand-up.
It's not like I've done
something completely
groundbreaking,
but they're like,
I haven't seen,
because they're only
watching mainstream,
the big hits,
they're like,
I haven't seen this before.
I haven't seen one story.
I haven't seen the pacing.
I can't now just go,
well, I'm not doing that again.
So I've got,
the new tour show
I'm going to do
is sort of going to be, I want to try and make it sort of the perfect've got the new tour show I'm gonna do is sort of gonna be
I wanna try and make it
sort of the perfect animal
of the two
yeah
so I wanna make the first half
like
bang bang clubby
yeah
abrasive
it's about very introspective
stand up
yeah
and then the second half
will be one story
yeah
that will
without telling
like without
stamping it
yeah
will be
here's why I'm like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And that's what I'm trying to do with the next special.
Oh, that's great.
Yeah, that's great, man.
Yeah, story is, story hits different, man.
There's something about it.
There's just something about it.
As amazing as, don't get me wrong,
like I, you know, I love doing those bits
or as you say, like the punchy,
the standup kind of club stuff.
Club comedy.
It's great, and it's so much fun,
and it's great to antagonize,
but making sure that you can find a way
to either bake that into story
or having these personal stories.
I don't know, people connect to it in a very different way.
People connect to storytelling stand-up
the way they connect to a song.
The song doesn't have to hit every single thing
that they've experienced, but they relate lyrics to a song. The song doesn't have to hit every single thing that they've experienced,
but they relate, like,
lyrics to the song.
Like, a song can be about, like,
someone's lost lover,
like someone they loved.
That's what I'm saying
about your boy.
Like, he should explore
that story on stage
with his autistic brother.
Like, there's a reason
why Brian Regan fans
are saying,
can you tell that story
about the whatever?
The same thing with Bert.
And it's like,
I mean, I even remember Eddie Murphy, the early story about the whatever? The same thing with Bert. And it's like, I mean,
I even remember Eddie Murphy,
the early story
about the Goonie Goo Goo.
You know what I mean?
Like,
there's tons of bits
that Eddie had,
but these like worlds
that he built,
you know,
you really lock in on them
and they're profound.
So,
yeah,
it's cool that you came across that
and you could continue exploring it.
I really want to do it.
It's,
it's really exciting.
And,
I already know the story I want to use for,
because I haven't tried the story yet.
Yeah.
Because I'm just in, I need half an hour of.
Yeah.
Bang, bang.
I need a club set.
Yeah.
Like once I put something out, I'm like, I can't do that anymore.
Yeah.
So at the minute I'm going to clubs where I'm like cocky and used to being,
you know.
But you don't have the jokes.
Yeah.
And at the minute i'm like because
i've got that freedom yeah and it's all about the special and the tour yeah i'm going to clubs where
in the past i've been that hungry up and comer yeah it was just body and people who are 20 years
like further down the line than me who've just been doing the same set for ages coming hungry
and with like a 20 that i've ran into the ground i've got none of it yeah i'm going on with like a 20 that I've ran into the ground, I've got none of it. And I'm going on with like trying to find new bits
on bills where people are killing.
And it doesn't often make you work hard fast
because you're like, I'm not the worst act on the bill,
but I'm not the best tonight.
And that fucking bothers me.
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, this is the hardest part, starting from zero.
It's the best part though.
Oh, I hate it.
The best part to me, yeah, I hate the beginning.
I like once I get, because I like play, and I like to take big swings.
And if I have like 15, I can take the biggest fucking swings because I can dig the deepest hole and pull myself out.
Yeah.
I can dig the deepest hole and pull myself out.
When I don't, it just feels malicious or angry or there's just nothing silly.
I can't set the tone.
So I like being able to go as crazy as possible knowing full well even if I'm buried under the ground, I have a bit that brings us back up to normal.
And that just allows me to kind of exist in a world that I find the most fun with stand-up.
That just allows me to kind of exist in a world that I find the most fun with stand-up.
It is most exciting finding new bits when you really need it.
But, yeah, I do not like doing that for a 15-minute. Oh, God.
I hate that.
The first time you get a big laugh with a new bit is the best feeling in comedy.
Yeah, it's amazing.
You're chasing it.
And then the next time you do the bit and it sucks,
you're like,
what just happened?
Is that real?
Was that not real?
Same night you just go upstairs
and you're like,
what conversation have you people had
that that happened?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You almost want to bring them downstairs.
Tell them it was fun.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But yeah, yeah.
Oh, that's great, man.
So you'll already book a tour
before you have the set ready?
Yeah, so... great, man. So you'll already book a tour before you have the set ready? Yeah, so...
That's wild.
Yeah, but I just know I'll get there.
Yeah, no, you have your process and all that kind of stuff.
Yeah, yeah.
So my tour starts in September,
and I'm doing six dates in mainland Europe.
Well, not in the UK.
We're doing Copenhagen Oslo Helsinki Stockholm
Paris
and Harlem
which is just outside
just outside Amsterdam
and that's the September date
and then the UK starts in October
but before that
like I will do
like club sets
like you are in New York
as much as I can
between now and then
yeah
so I fly back from here
Wednesday night
I land at 7am Thursday morning thursday morning i'm gonna go
straight to our podcast studio and do have a word and then i'm going straight from there to newcastle
which is about three hours away to do adam rowan friends so i've got two comics on i'll host it
i'll do crowd work bring them on break and then i'll go on with paper and i will talk for as long
as i can be fucked to do.
Nice.
I guarantee the audience, when I put the Adam Rowan friends on,
I always say, I'll be on stage in that second half
for at least half an hour and up to an hour.
And if I go longer, then great, but 30 to 60 minutes,
and that's the show you're paying for.
I make the tickets cheap.
And do they have an expectation that you're working stuff out?
Yeah, like it's advertised as fully work-in-progress show,
and then the proper tour starts. and then I'm going to go
to Edinburgh again this year.
Oh great.
So you'll be able to
sharpen shit up over there.
Yeah,
so I'll do the hour
20 times in August.
Yeah.
So by the time I go
to Europe in September,
I'll have done the hour
in its full form
40 times.
Yeah.
And then I'll also have done
120, 150 club sets
where I'm trying it
in 20-minute chunks.
Like, by the time I go to Europe
and then come back to the UK,
I'll have done most of the jokes
150 times.
Yeah.
Do you think English audiences
are more accustomed
to a long-form story
because of fringe
and storytelling at festivals
like that?
No, because,
and sorry to be so blunt with that answer,
but the fringe is its own thing,
and the people who go to the fringe don't go to comedy clubs,
and they don't go to comedy tour shows.
It doesn't transcend.
So comedy club audiences are expecting stand-up, punchy.
Yeah, but if you can get them with a story,
like, try in that juicy story.
There's times, and if people go and watch it it where i don't speak for five to ten seconds because i'm thinking about something
and i want the audience to know i am and i want them to think about something yeah to be because
i tried it in some comedy clubs before i filmed it yeah and to have two or three hundred people
in a comedy club pin drop silence yeah and changing what they've seen
from stand up before
where it's not just
yeah
you're still laughing at that one
here's the next one
yeah
was so cool
yeah
but you've got to win
a lot of trust to get them there
if you do like a fringe show
in a comedy club
or like
try and do half
of your fringe show clothes
in a comedy club
if they don't know who you are
they're like
no
who gives a fuck
why do I give a fuck
about your story?
Tell me some fucking jokes.
Make me laugh
and then I'll trust you.
You've got to fucking
hit them over the head first.
Most comedy clubs
are in cities
and most cities in the UK
are full of working class people.
And if you're going out
on a Saturday night
and you're closing the show,
that is their one night out
that month.
Yeah. So you've got to deliver. I think their one night out that month. Yeah.
So you've got to deliver.
I think there's a way to blend them, though,
and I think that there has been comedians
that have done it very well,
which is telling that story
and making it hilarious on the way.
So using that traditional kind of punchy stand-up
in those moments
while still telling serious and thoughtful things.
I mean, Chappelle's done that brilliantly.
And so,
yeah,
yeah.
I'm excited for you, man.
I'm really excited for you, dude.
Dude,
thank you so much
for coming, my brother.
Anything else
before we get out of here?
Obviously,
tell the people.
All the specials
I've mentioned
are on the
Have A Weird Podcast
YouTube channel.
Released it ourselves,
funded it ourselves.
It's youtube.com
slash haveawirdpod.
My Instagram's adamrocomedian
I think TikTok's the same
and Twitter's
adamrocomedy
but yeah
go
don't go and buy tour tickets
go and check the specials out first
and make sure you like it
there you go
love that
my man
guys
that's been flagrant