Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Hunter Biden NEEDS Andrew Tate
Episode Date: July 12, 202200:00 - Hunter Biden needs Andrew Tate 21:16 - TMZ article on Andrew 28:21 - Elon Musk, Therapy and Akaash's mom 35:01 - Joe Rogan Therapized Andrew 37:57 - Andrew Tate is the most influential Andrew ...41:36 - Sri Lankans storm the capital 46:12 - Doja Cat DM Etiquette 54:45 - Minions movie, Drake and power of memes 01:16:39 - Brad Pitt's Face Blindness 01:17:50 - Twerking Senator 01:19:07 - Avalanche in Kyrgyzstan + is ice, water? 01:24:48 - Airdropping Meat on airplane 01:27:45 - European Fashion is BAD 01:31:28 - Would you drink Beyonce's Hot Sauce? 01:36:47 - Andrew discovers seasoning
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Yo, do y'all know who Andrew Tate is?
I've heard of this guy.
Hey, do you guys have any idea?
Have you ever heard of this individual, Andrew Tate?
Do you guys know who he is?
Has he come up on your feed at all?
You know, and now that you mention it.
He has?
Quite a bit.
What does that say about us?
We hate bitches or what, bro?
My feed is inundated.
We're all laughing because I was joking around
before about how this has never happened before
in internet history.
I literally believe sincerely
and I mean this. You thought that I was being hyperbolic.
I don't. I'm not. I don't.
Never before has this happened in history.
A guy that lives in Romania
and does what he does there, which is
own casinos, apparently
has slaves?
That's the craziest thing.
Slaves.
You can't just say people have slaves.
That's the allegation.
Female sex slaves?
That makes it better.
I don't know what it is.
I don't know the rules of Romania.
My point is,
he is showing up on my feed
non-stop.
Non-stop, dude.
I'm not clicking on it.
It's just next video is him in that accent, which I don't know what the fuck country that is.
Y'all be trying to figure that shit out, too.
God damn it, bro.
It's non-stop, yo.
Y'all are so cap.
You cook about every single video.
After a while.
What crazy shit this guy going to say to a woman's face right now?
This is kind of impressive.
I'm just saying, has this ever happened before? Has one
person, has one
person. Can I name one? Go, go. Joe Rogan.
Maybe. Maybe
Joe Rogan. Joe Rogan has the
biggest podcast on the planet. Yeah, I know. That's my fist.
He still shows up on the feed
less. Yeah. And the entire
media is attacking him on a
daily basis.
Nobody's done what Andrew Taylor's done.
Honestly? I'll be honest.
He's not being crazy
though. Who else has done this?
Name a person.
Y'all be laughing at boldness just to laugh at boldness?
But we can't be a little bold on this podcast?
Make some proclamations? Everybody has done this.
Who? Kim K.
When she broke the internet.
You had TikTok? she's not doing that
on a daily basis bro
on a daily basis
no I actually think
his point is unknown people
Haram
Kanye
he was doing it almost
I think his point
is unknown people
unknown
Kanye
Kim K
that's it
Kim K is a celebrity
that has a whole media apparatus dedicated to her being famous.
This guy.
Was a decent kickboxer.
Pretty good, I guess.
I don't know.
Maybe really good.
I don't know.
But we don't fuck with kickboxing like that.
He was born here, though.
And he's British American.
Why do we know this?
Yeah.
Why does he have this accent?
But I was trying to say before, and you got shit on it, but I think that he needs to be Hunter Biden's life coach.
And I mean that.
And I mean that.
You guys think I'm joking about this.
I do.
I need a justification.
I'm going to make one up as we go.
But listen, Hunter Biden hates his dad.
Right.
Hates his dad.
Who handles people with daddy issues better?
Andrew.
Andrew motherfucking T.
That's pretty good, yo.
I just did it in the moment. That's pretty good, yo. I got to give you credit. I'm like, hey, buy the special, motherfucking T. That's pretty good. I just did it in the moment.
That's pretty good.
Buy the special, motherfuckers.
Buy the special.
Real talk.
How do you know he hates his dad? Why do you think he hates
his dad? Hunter Biden? Yeah.
There's no way you don't. Bro,
he's videotaping himself doing
incriminating things. The only reason
you would do that, the only reason is
you hope that somebody would find it
and then it would ruin your dad's life.
If you're a white guy doing crack,
you're only doing it to piss your father off.
You hate your dad.
I don't even know how you get access to crack as a white guy.
He's trying to numb the pain because his dad is sick.
You're not playing air guitar with your leg?
That's not air, though.
You're playing your leg.
That's leg guitar.
That's what Hunter Biden's doing right now, dude.
He's somewhere in a Motel 6 just strumming away on his thigh as some crack whore weighs the crack.
It's a lot of crack.
I may be doing a lot of crack.
It was short.
She was short.
Who was short?
Shorty was short, right?
Yeah, exactly.
Come on, bro.
You've watched all the videos?
Of whom? Of Hunter Biden. Come on, bro. Fuck. Come on. You've watched all the videos? Of whom?
Of Hunter Biden.
No, Andrew Tate.
Yes.
Because Hunter Biden
don't got the media.
Listen.
Yeah, yeah.
Listen.
Hunter Biden has literally
Valid point.
Coming.
Fox News, News One,
all the other truth platforms.
Mark.
Right?
Mark.
Right?
4chan.
All of them
are nonstop all day
Trying to push out information
About Hunter Biden
I don't see close to as many videos
As I see of Andrew Tate
On a regular motherfucking basis
Am I about to bust out
My YouTube shorts right now
Am I about to test this right now
Here's what's crazy
I've been seeing him on TikTok
TikTok
Wow
Do you know what I'm saying
He everywhere yo
He unstoppable
Instagram
YouTube shorts TikTok, Instagram, YouTube shorts You're wearing your YouTube shorts right now on TikTok. TikTok. Wow. Do you know what I'm saying? He everywhere, yo. He unstoppable.
TikTok, Instagram,
YouTube shorts.
You're wearing your YouTube shorts right now.
What are you talking about?
You got your YouTube shorts
on right now.
Oh, fuck you.
All I'm trying to say is
Hunter Biden got
the serious daddy issues.
He's trying,
he resents his father
for caring so much about politics
and not about the family at all. It's something.
Okay? Yeah. Alright.
I think we can all get on board.
You're not getting on board, son of a bitch pancakes.
What? Pancakes? Yeah.
I just need to add something.
I need to add one more thing.
With Andrew Tate, it's not just
popping up on your thing.
Because he asked all of us and we all agreed
you're just being pussy right now.
It's coming up a lot.
You ever get in a fight with your girl
and then just Tate it up for an hour?
No.
You don't do that?
Cobra Tate.
You gotta swipe on some Tate.
That's it.
Cobra Tate.
That's his whole thing.
I think that was him
as a kickboxer.
His thing was Cobra.
I don't know how I know that,
but I know that.
You don't know these things, bro.
Y'all know about the man.
It's okay.
No, he's undeniably funny.
You can't even act
like a guy not funny.
He's funny.
Yeah, he's funny.
He's funny, bro.
Put a girl's body count
on her forehead.
Solve all the problems
in the world.
He said that to a woman. He goes, her forehead solve all the problems in the world. He said that to a woman.
He goes, you could solve all the problems in the world
if you put a woman's body count
on her forehead. Oh my god,
man. Come on now, son.
Now, how does that help anything?
I don't know, but Hunter Biden needs that.
Hunter Biden needs that.
Because he's breaking up the nuclear family.
Yeah, that's fire.
But what is this?
What am I playing now?
Oh, that's a ukulele.
Yeah!
A ukulele.
Nice.
Look at that.
Oh, my gosh.
You're laughing beach into that, bro.
Come on.
I don't know what a ukulele is.
You've never heard of a ukulele?
A uke?
A uke.
You've never seen a fat Hawaiian play a uke?
You've never played a uke?
Oh, that's that.
I thought that was the banjo.
Where over the rainbow
I did hear a ukulele.
We put Barack Obama and the other black people
They no live on the island
I didn't know you spoke pidgin.
What?
You speak pidgin.
Come on, brother.
Nice. Come on, brother. Shoot, brother What? You speak pigeon. Come on, brother. Nice.
Come on, bro.
Shoot, brother.
Of course I speak the pigeon, brother.
How's it?
How is it?
How's it?
Where the fat bitches with no ass at?
Where the big, small women with no ass ass look like a trier?
Talk story.
Talk story.
They gonna fuck you up.
Just not gonna let me at Walmart.
Remember that girl that did the,
she did security at Walmart?
A dude was trying to steal?
Body slammed.
She was a hero.
What did she do?
She body slammed the motherfucker trying to steal.
Oh, damn.
And then Dana White invited her
to the fucking UFC press conference.
Yeah, for real.
Genius move.
Guys, this Sunday is the day.
Infamous.
We gotta break some fucking records, guys.
Okay?
Spread the word.
So many of you already posted about it.
So many of you have already told your friends, told your family.
We changed the game this Sunday.
It is up to you guys.
TheAndrewSchultz.com, okay?
You go order that special right now.
We are all watching it Sunday, 9 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.
We're going live afterwards here.
You can get that and fashion merch and everything all available at dandrushultz.com.
Also, crazy thing happened.
One of the biggest gambling platforms on the planet, BetOnline, and us are partnered, and they're doing something absolutely crazy.
Not only are they flying out the 10 people to watch it with us live, they're also going to put a $15 bet in every single person who orders the
specials account if they open it up, account and bet online. That means you go buy the special for
$15. You get that $15 bet in your account. It doesn't matter if you already have an account
or if you're going to open one. This is the infamous stimulus coming into your motherfucking pockets.
And if I'm you,
I'm putting that shit on a crazy parlay
and trying to win a million fucking dollars.
You could actually make money
off of this special.
That is crazy.
And if you do,
make sure you tag my ass
and I want a piece of it, motherfucker.
Okay?
I appreciate y'all so much
for supporting me in all seriousness.
This Sunday, it goes down. We see if we can make a little history. Spread the word.'all so much for supporting me in all seriousness this sunday it goes down we see if we can make a little history spread the word thank you so much for your
support peace anyway hunter biden got the serious daddy issues okay crazy daddy issues doing the
crack doing the coke doing hookers and prostitutes and filming it all knowing full well he could
destroy his father's legacy and ruin any chance at being in politics.
Maybe he wants his father to get out of politics so he can have his life back.
Imagine growing up under that microscope.
You can't do anything.
Or you can do everything and get away with it.
You just got to be a little subtle about it.
Like, Hunter could be doing all the crack he wants right now.
If he didn't fucking tape himself, none of us would ever know.
His whole life, cracked up.
None of us would know. That's facts. Best whole life, cracked up. None of us would know.
That's facts. Best crack. Purest crack.
Eh, none of us would know.
Instead, he's filming himself putting it out. He filmed himself weighing the crack.
Who are you even sending that to?
This is incriminating evidence.
And he started on the front phasing, too.
You didn't even have to start on the front phasing.
You could deny. That's not my voice.
They're doing voiceover or whatever that thing is.
What is it called?
CGI. Not CGI.
Deep fake. You see this one?
What's this one? Hunter Biden slip sliding
naked. There's no way.
This is fantastic. You got a thang on him?
He got a little thang. I'm telling you. His shmeet is actually
decent. Let me see that shmeet.
Let me see that shmeet.
This guy is hilarious. The more videos I'm seeing of this guy, Shmang. Let me see that. Shmang. Woohoo.
This guy is hilarious.
The more videos I'm seeing of this guy, I'm like, I kind of want to hang with him.
Yeah, he's a fun time, dude. Yeah, dude.
He might be the white Andrew Tate.
This guy's living his best life.
We're all just watching it.
Yo.
He looks good for a crackhead.
Still got his teeth.
Playing with his little thang-a-lang.
Yeah.
That thang, my boy.
This guy's awesome.
Yeah.
He's just playing.
He's stretching out that thang.
Yeah, yeah.
He getting it on medium soft.
He getting it ready.
He getting it ready.
He getting it ready.
He got the cold water.
He got to get the camera ready,
you know?
No, no, no.
I feel that.
I respect that 100%.
He might be a patron.
Honestly, I want him to submit
a patron to Questiony.
Let me see.
Do we have any videos of him smashing anything?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, there's one of them.
Yeah.
Wait, for real?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's beating box?
Yeah, the camera angle's all fucked up, though.
Yeah.
So this is an interesting one.
This is allegedly a woman.
And you got these ready, huh?
Who's tied up with a bag over her head doing some bondage stuff. He's also
putting out a sandwich and maybe a croissant.
He got her in that portnoy right there.
He might have a chocolate croissant also.
Okay.
But maybe this is like a... That's a good time.
She's trying to get over
a carb addiction or something like that.
This is like, we're going to put it as close to you as possible
so that you can learn how to control yourself.
Or it's a fetish.
I think he could be helping this girl.
I think there's no proof at all that he's doing some sort of sadomasochistic ritual.
I think that that girl had a serious, like she might have body dysmorphia or something like that.
Now this is a little bit more incriminating.
This one is him with...
Two girls that drink Monster.
But he's just hanging.
He's just hanging out.
He looks great.
He looks amazing.
This is great.
I like this guy.
Yo, you know what we got to give a little bit of respect to?
What's that?
The British royal family.
I know this is hard for you.
Yeah, it is.
You too.
And me.
More me than you.
Because my people went through way more.
Also, this is the shmeet one right here
okay wait
hold on
hold on
what's that thing
next to him
that's a woman
he's a thing
Andrew Tate over here
chill bro
yeah Haram dude
but he's just kind of
like getting it
he's just stroking meat
wait are y'all
an over stroker
wait
don't put him on the why are we y'all why are we y'all an overstroker? Wait, don't put him on the line.
Why are we y'all?
Why are we y'all?
Hunter's not a very white, white guy.
Let's be honest.
But he just...
You know, he's just overhead with it.
What, you don't ever hit it with the overhand?
I mean, yo.
Hunter could be a rapper, dog.
Yo, he's fucking and he pulls out the Glock.
That's fire, dog. So he's fully naked and he pulls out the Glock, bro. It's unbelievable. That's fire, dog.
So he's fully naked.
He's about to hit it from the back.
Do some ASMR with this.
Oh, yeah.
Come on.
He's your new king.
Yeah.
Come on, bro.
Yo, do we even need Chet Hanks anymore?
No.
How does this affect his legacy, you think?
Real talk.
You think this affects Chet's legacy?
If he has a Jamaican accent, I don't even think we ever listen to Chet again.
Chet got his life together.
Chet got his Andrew Tate on.
I think this is the real white boy summer.
Hunter Biden started true white boy summer.
100%, bro.
Shouts to Hunter Biden.
Anyway, Andrew Tate can get your life around if you want, turn you into a cam boy.
Do they have cam boys?
I don't know.
Is that just Twitch streamers?
Yeah.
Is that what that is?
Might just be Twitch streamers. But that what that is? Might just be
Twitch streamers.
But that's actually
a good business.
Now, can we have
Andrew Tate on the podcast?
That's the question.
I mean, he is funny.
He is funny.
Do we have to see
how this sex slavery
trial goes?
That's probably
a good idea.
I forgot.
Son, if you're funny
enough to make me forget
a sex slavery trial,
I gotta give you credit
on humor at least.
You know what I mean?
Hey.
He's been charged with something.
It's an accusation.
I think he got raided or something like that.
Oh, wow.
I don't know how I know these things.
I don't know how I know.
Wow.
I don't know how I know.
You know what I mean?
I mean, why?
Actually, I found out from you, to be honest.
I told you this?
Yes.
But because he had 75 bitches living with him.
Yeah, bro.
Yeah.
He had 75 bitches.
Yeah.
75 cam girls.
Slots.
Doing whatever I want.
I want a robot.
Hey, who gets the money from those cam girls?
I get the money.
Those girls get like 25%.
Bitch.
Wait, why?
Why are you only giving them 25%?
Well, because a man needs 75 so i could
work on my judo other things his actual response to that was uh yeah the selling my product
i'm not gonna let him sell my product without giving me a cut i was like damn
andrew day's going in no that's funny man listen no it's a joke it's funny to fuck up i feel a lot
he cracks me the fuck up if it's a joke, it's funny. If it's a joke, it's funny. If it's a joke, it's funny. If it's a joke, it's funny. I feel a lot.
He cracks me the fuck up.
If it's a joke,
it's funny.
If it's serious,
it's kind of concerning.
If you take him seriously,
a little bit is on you.
And as long as he don't insult his own race of women,
which I don't even know
what they are,
I'm fine with the guy.
I need to know
where the fuck he's from.
I need to know
what that accent is.
He's half black.
He's half black.
Yeah.
He's British American,
born in the US,
grew up in London, something Romania.
That's it.
That's where he was doing his fighting, his kickboxing.
He had a bar, though, that was kind of fire.
He said, bitch.
That's it.
He had a bar that was kind of fire.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, no.
No, no.
He had a boy who was kind of fired.
He's like, he likes Romania because it is, the corruption is available to everyone.
Oh, that's fire.
Something like this.
I'm paraphrasing, but it's like, if you live in the West, the corruption is only available to the billionaires.
They can get away with stuff.
They can pay the lawyers.
They can pay out the government.
They can do all those influence.
But like in Romania, I can pay off a policeman and he won't give me a ticket.
I can pay off this person.
I can get things done with bribes.
I love that it's corrupt and that corruption is available to everyone.
Now, what is everyone?
Like there are people
who don't have the money
to actually be corrupt.
But the fact that it's available to more,
it's an interesting look on corruption.
No, I really do kind of look at him
like a stand-up.
Like I don't take this all seriously,
but these are interesting points of view
at the very least.
That's an interesting point of view
on corruption.
And it makes me laugh too.
That's what you were saying as running for president.
You're like, tax fraud, everyone can do it.
Everybody can do tax fraud.
Hey!
Hey!
Bitches for everyone.
Wait, really?
Everyone gets a cam girl.
Bitch.
What?
Really?
Yeah, I think everybody should get a cam girl.
Don't you?
Have a little cam girl in your house?
Wait, in your house?
You have to keep them?
Yeah, you get a nice little cam girl room.
She goes in your house.
Yeah.
Do you need some food, bitch?
She's speaking to you?
Calling you a bitch?
No, I'm speaking to her.
You're not taking care of her.
She's taking care of you.
Dude, Al is entertaining.
It's the craziest fucking.
I was just thinking earlier today, every time Al used to bring up.
That's right.
I was bringing her food.
Yeah.
Oh, do you need you
to bring yourself some food, bitch?
Yeah, there we go.
Black and white as you take.
Never in history has this happened.
Never.
Never.
This guy is so stupid.
If he runs for president,
he winning, bro.
He's winning, bro.
He's winning if he runs for president.
He's the most famous Romanian
any of y'all ever heard of in your life
that's not true
Dracula
he's Transylvanian
where the fuck you think that is you dumb retards
no Transylvania is it's own thing
inside Romania
yeah but it operates on it's own
nah he's stupid
I guarantee Transylvania is inside Romania
it's under it's own jurisdiction
castle Dracula brand castles in Romania.
He didn't say anything about that.
He didn't say anything about that.
Don't get us suing.
Let's accept this as true for this argument.
Who been in your news feed more, Andrew Tate or Dracula, you dork?
I haven't seen Dracula one time.
Dracula's been mad silent.
To be fair, I—
Dracula got nobody on TikTok.
Yeah, Dracula got no bitches, bro.
Can I be honest with you right now?
I think the most famous bloodsucker in Romania is definitely Andrew Tate.
If I'm being honest with you—
Thank you!
If there's one person that sustains himself off of the lives of innocent people, I think it might be Andrew Tate.
I signed up for his newsletter.
Really?
And his course?
Hustler is you.
For real, I have.
I don't know why they go up.
Andrew Tate, can you help me?
Can you help me with my pants, please?
You need Andrew Taylor, bro.
Fuck Andrew Tate.
He's back, big buddy You need Andrew Taylor, bro. Fuck Andrew Taylor. There we go.
He's back, big buddy. He's back,
buddy.
No, for real. Andrew Tate, we need you.
We need you to fix America.
We need you to fix Hunter Biden. What else do we need him to
fix? Is there anything else?
That's basically it. I think he can fix
a lot of the world's problems. Islam can use it.
They don't understand what's haram and what's not, clearly. He's the guy that's telling you. And Andrew Tate got that of the world's problems. Islam can use a help. They don't understand what haram was.
Not clearly.
He's the guy that-
And Andrew Tate got that?
He seems to know haram.
Is this what it felt like when Islam was taking over?
Fun?
The crusades.
Yeah.
Like when a new religion was coming around.
Is this what it was like?
It's like, oh, damn.
I'm seeing these crosses everywhere.
Is that cross shit lit?
Do you know what I mean?
I'm trying to understand.
Are we going through a cultural revolution of Tate-ism?
Last person to do this like this?
Jesus.
Popping up in all your feeds.
Mohamed.
Popping up.
Mohamed.
Mohamed was probably the last.
He's the prophet.
Andrew Tate is the prophet.
He might be the newest version of a religion.
And a religion of keep your bitch in line.
It's just your phone.
There's probably some people listening to this that have no idea.
The more I argue with my wife, the more the videos
pop up.
You know how you're talking about toasters
and all of a sudden you get the ad on Instagram for a toaster?
That's what I have with Andrew Tate.
Me and my wife are
arguing and then these Tates pop up
and I'm looking at my wife like,
You got no idea what's coming.
She got no idea. It, it's over for her.
Once I start to tell her, body count your head.
You know what I'm saying?
Body count your head.
Have you played any of his videos in front of him?
To my wife?
Yeah.
Do I ever play videos on no volume?
When I walk into a room, have I ever played a video without full volume?
When she hears you shitting and listening to that.
She cowers in fear.
When a real man is in town, when that alpha
is in town,
it really
feels like a wolf cry. Yeah, that's the wrong answer, though.
The real answer is who cares what a woman thinks?
That's your motherfucking
choice, son! You're finally
Indian, bro.
You finally shed all that British shit.
That's some real ass Indian shit.
I'm getting Muslim finally.
I'm converting.
Yo, finally.
Yes.
Also, happy 7-Eleven day, bro.
Oh, hey, thanks, dog.
Yo, I got you.
I got you.
Bring back Apu.
Uh-huh.
Yo, is it?
Oh, that's right.
It's 7-Eleven.
Yeah.
Shit.
We got to go get a Slurpee.
Yeah, I guess we do.
Let me fix my fucking expensive watch.
Oh, alpha move right there. This shit fix my fucking expensive watch. Alpha move right there.
This shit don't work.
Look.
Okay.
But in all seriousness, I'll probably
have to sell this if you guys don't buy the special.
So if you guys can go buy it.
Not according to TMZ.
Not according to TMZ.
These motherfuckers is capped.
That's something I learned this week about articles.
They don't be reaching out for comment.
They right at the bottom reached out for comment.
I'm not hearing from none of these motherfuckers.
Yeah, what does that mean?
They just said it out loud?
Yeah.
Yo, Andrew, what you think?
Open the window.
Andrew, do you have a comment?
Nothing.
And then they fucking run that article.
They'll call an agency's receptionist.
Hey, does Andrew...
I'm like, what?
Okay, we did it.
And we know my agency does nothing for me.
Useless.
They're useless.
So, of course, they're not going to hit me back with this.
Except you, TJ.
You're the fucking man.
Get out of the woods.
TJ been in the shire since the motherfucking tour stopped.
Yeah, yeah.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
Where's the shire?
I don't know.
But every time I go on Instagram,
that motherfucker in the woods
listening to Andrew Tate jerking dicks.
You know what I mean?
I didn't know that.
Yo, y'all never go out
on a nice little camping trip
with some Tate.
Y'all never went on a camping trip
with some Tate.
It's getting all weird now, bro.
I'm just saying,
you go on a camping trip
and then you see how animals
interact with one another,
you're like,
that's the shit. That's fucking primal life, bro. I'm just saying, you go to the cave, and then you see how animals interact with one another. You're like, that's the shit.
Yeah.
That's fucking primal life, bro.
Mother nature.
Mother nature.
Father nature, really.
Hey, hey, hey.
Does the male lion go out and hunt?
Who hunts?
I think the female lion.
Yeah.
The bitches.
Okay.
The lion bitches go out and get the food.
Yeah.
And then I come eat the food.
My bitches get for me Yeah
Do you know what happens to a lying bitch
If she fucks too many people?
What?
They discard of her body
Whoa
Is that a real thing?
No
I don't think so
Didn't think I was gonna get much pushback
It wasn't properly prepared i'm pretty sure
male lions got a fight to fuck the female is that right i mean most animals yeah thank god we don't
gotta still do that thank god bro bro you gotta narrate andrew day's gotta narrate an actual like
a full national geographic oh yes documentary oh i think this is i think he's about to. Oh, wow.
Hyena.
What's that thing hanging out of his dick?
Did you see that fucking water?
No, he's packing, bro.
He might have just been peeing, I think.
Oh, it was a little piss stream?
Yeah.
The hyena by himself.
Wow, dude.
Oh, zebras don't give a fuck, bro.
Right?
That's a good point. That's a crazy kind of horse. Zebra a little thick, though. Ze, zebras don't give a fuck, bro. Right? That's a good point.
That's a crazy kind of horse.
Zebra a little thick, though.
Yeah.
Zebra a little thick.
Yeah, they got crazy thumbtacks.
But have you thought it, was it all curious to you guys that nobody has a pet zebra or
nobody rides that?
Yeah, that's a good point, actually.
There's a reason.
Wait, why?
Can't domesticate them.
Why not?
Can't domesticate a zebra. Why? Why? I mean, you can domesticate them. Why not? Can't domesticate a zebra.
Why?
I mean, you can domesticate them.
What animal?
You're acting like that's the only animal you can't domesticate.
No, there's other animals you can't domesticate.
You can't domesticate a white shark or a thresher shark or a whale shark.
Really?
I feel like you can domesticate a whale shark.
What about an elk?
Can't domesticate them.
Yeah.
So I feel like there's a lot of animals.
You can domesticate reindeer, but you can't domesticate a zebra.
Say again?
Reindeer are big.
No, no, no.
They're big.
Not that little.
I saw a little ass one in New York.
I pet them motherfuckers.
Yeah, bro.
Same.
Probably a baby one.
That might have been a baby.
They grow pretty big.
You know the difference between babies and full grown things?
No.
And Romans didn't know that either.
Listen, this is serious and I need you guys to take it serious.
Zebras are undomesticatable.
You can't do it.
You can't do it.
I think you say that like it's unique.
That's a lot of animals.
A lion.
It looks just like very domesticatable.
You hop on the back of a horse, and it's your bitch.
But then this horse, you cannot do it.
That's not shocking.
And a mule.
You can do that with a donkey.
Say again?
Those are domesticatable donkeys.
Of course.
I don't even think
they're out there.
A bull.
They're not even wild.
They don't even exist out there.
I don't think they're wild.
I think they only come domesticated.
Is a donkey a horse
and then a mule cross?
That's a good ass point, bro. Or a mule is a horse and then a mule cross? That's a good point, bro.
Or a mule is a horse and another animal.
A mule is maybe a horse and a donkey.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because I got to help you out with your skin.
Okay, fellas, here's the reality.
We don't give a fuck about our skin.
And why?
Because we think it's an intimidating thing to do.
We think it's too much work.
We look at our wives, look at our girlfriends.
They're taking up 14 shelves with all these different lotions.
They're nighttime routine. They got all these masks and everything all over their face. We look at our wives, look at our girlfriends. They're taking up 14 shelves with all these different lotions. They're nighttime routine.
They got all these masks and everything all over their face.
We don't know what the fuck is going on.
We're like, I don't need to be part of that.
Well, that's not the case.
Geology has made it simple.
They have figured out your daily routine.
Now, I know what you're thinking.
They're going, well, how do they know my skin?
Well, you take a test so they figure out what your skin is.
And then you have your geology creams curated for
your skin. Think about that. 30-second test, for the record. 30-second test. Oh, yeah, it's 30 seconds.
It's a 30-second test. It's nothing, and then you have your exact cream set up for you to work for
you so you can look good. It's not that difficult. In the night, in the morning, they got some under
eye cream if you're trying to look real cute.
They've simplified the whole process because they know that we like it simple.
And ladies, if you're listening right now and you want to get your man on something so he stops looking absolutely repulsive, geology is the one.
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Let's get back to the show.
I need to tell you about the best underwear in the business.
Plain and simple.
It's Culprits.
I don't even know if you can get down here and see.
I got them on, okay?
That's all you need to know.
Your boy loves the Culprits.
I've literally put these underwear on,
and I haven't worn another pair of underwear,
another brand of underwear since.
They are the best underwear in the game, plain and simple. I defy you to find a better pair of underwear, another brand of underwear since. They are the best underwear in the game,
plain and simple. I defy you to find a better pair of underwear. Honestly, I'm telling you this right
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or what fabric, micromodal, all this other nonsense, yeah, it's got all that. Literally,
it's the best thing for the environment. It's the best thing for micromodal, whatever that means.
I didn't even bother listening to it because I could care less when it comes to underwear. All I care about is, does it make my package feel comfortable
and look amazing? Yes, it does. CulpritUnderwear.com, okay? Code is flagrant. Get the 25% off and enjoy
your fucking life. Let's get back to the show. Why is your boy Elon trying to duck out of this
Twitter thing? First of all, did I not call this? Yeah, I think we all said
this, right? Wow.
You just took your whole shit.
Did I not put the stamp
down on Twitter and now everybody's
taking my joke? Wait, what was the
stamp? Before he pulled out, I said
Twitter's about to be the only deal
that, no, I said Twitter's about to be
the only thing Musk pulls out of because he just had
the twins with the whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Now everybody taking my shit, bro.
The joke, not the story, the prediction.
I don't know, guys.
What do you want from me, bro?
What do you want right now?
No, no.
Yeah, the joke.
Just the joke.
But I didn't actually think that he was about to pull out.
I thought that he would go through with it.
Yeah.
For the most part, I thought this wasn't real from the beginning. There to pull out. I thought that he would go through with it. Yeah. But now he doesn't.
For the most part, I thought this wasn't real from the beginning.
There was a moment.
What about for not the most?
Like, what about the small part?
There was a moment where I thought.
Yeah, what did you.
The small part.
Yeah, well, wait.
Tell us about the small part.
What that was for you.
When they actually agreed to $44 billion, I was like, oh, am I wrong?
But I'm not wrong.
I should have more faith in myself.
And then what happened emotionally after that for you?
What was that like?
Wow.
So, he just got into therapy.
Just?
I go back to third grade, my boy.
I'm an OG of these therapies.
Therapy just started working.
But what was that like emotionally for you? What was that like?
And how does that relate to your relationship with your parents?
Yes. You know what?
Yo, all therapy is, yo, your parents
fucked you up. That's all therapy is.
It's not your fault.
Yeah.
Okay, so how does that relate to that?
Oof, you know what?
I'm not used to ever being wrong because my mom always tells me I'm right.
So it was very devastating.
I didn't mean it, but I pulled it out.
I mean, I got there.
Is that true?
Yeah.
Well, my mom thinks I'm perfect for sure.
Yeah.
But I'm-
She's telling me this as cat, like-
Really?
Thank God.
That's a lot of pressure. What did Thank God. That's a lot of pressure.
What did she say?
That's a lot of pressure.
She said he's not perfect.
I wish my mom treated me
the way Andrew's mom treats him.
So you feel pressure
to be perfect
because your mom...
Yeah, bro.
She thinks I'm perfect
all the time.
Wow.
I'll tell her.
If I told her I smoke weed
this Rogan episode,
she'd be like,
yeah, but it wasn't like real.
And I'd be like,
has she seen you, bro?
What do you mean?
Damn, man.
You mean I'm not attractive?
Because I think a lot of you
could get fucked, I think.
Wait a minute.
God damn, Al.
That was like a really insulting sentence.
No, but I thought perfect for...
I didn't care for you to expand on it.
There we go.
No, no, no.
But even though you didn't become a doctor or engineer, she still thinks you're perfect.
It don't matter.
Really?
What if she saw you weighing crack?
What if she saw you weighing crack on the internet?
Be honest.
She would be like, who are you doing that for?
What if she saw you naked going down a slide?
What would she say then?
She'd be like, damn, dude, I thought you had a bigger dick than that.
Calls you dude.
Yeah. Yeah, she saw it like that. She's like,, damn, dude, I thought you had a bigger dick than that. Called you dude. Yeah.
Yeah, she saw it like that.
She's like, you would think with my breasts, you know, you would just think.
Yo, you didn't suck enough milk out them times, bro.
I think not, dude.
When do you stop sucking?
What age?
I don't know, to be honest.
Really?
18, probably.
Months?
18 months.
I was making a little wisecrack.
Oh.
Oh, oh, oh.
A little wisecrack. My bad. I was a late sucker wisecrack. Oh. A little wisecrack.
My bad.
I was a late sucker.
My mom told me.
Really?
I don't blame you, dog.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What did you got to do?
Wait, for real?
How late?
I was like six.
I was like six.
But you had teeth, dog.
Say again?
You had full teeth.
Oh, I'd let her know.
If there was none left, I'd take a nibble.
Slap the back like Franzia?
Hell yeah.
I'd be like, hey, do what you got to do, ma.
I don't know how you get more milk in.
I believe this, too.
For real.
I would tell her, I'm like,
mom, you better do some push-ups or something.
You know what I mean?
You better work chest this week
because this tap is dry.
You know what I mean, mom?
My mom watches this shit.
What's up, mom?
Yo, she got to be a guest.
We got to get her on.
Say again?
We got to get her on.
No, we are going to get her on.
I told you this.
No. We got it. I got locked in.
I have the date and I have absolutely
everything. It's gonna go. What date?
I can't say.
Secret.
Yeah, it's a secret. Okay.
It is a secret. Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure.
That's it. What do you want to talk about?
What do you guys want to talk about, you sick fucks?
You want to talk about a What are you going to interview about? What do you guys want to talk about, you sick fucks? You want to talk about a 70-woman...
I'm going to shoot about you shooting my mom at our wedding.
What did I do?
Yeah, yeah.
I didn't say that.
You hit her with a heavy one, Tommy.
I didn't say it.
That was knee-jerk reaction.
I can't do anything.
If I see them, it comes out of me.
It's not like I want to.
Same, dude.
It's like a burp. You can say it around my mom. Knee-j comes out of me. It's not like I want to. Same.
You can say it around my mom.
Knee jerk, bro.
Say what?
Knee jerk.
It's a knee jerk, you know?
It's just a different type of jerk.
That's all it is.
Do you see me making sex jokes?
Give it to them now.
He does make sex jokes, man.
Sex jokes? They feel less disrespectful than yours.
Why?
Because I get a chance to say it to your mom.
Why would that make mine
more disrespectful?
It's the same amount
of disrespect.
The more disrespectful you are,
the more justifiable it is
when I see your mom
and I go,
eh.
You can do the whole thing.
It's fine.
It's 100% okay.
You don't look fine.
Hey, hey,
do this again.
I had a dream
about your mom last night.
Yo.
Yo.
It wasn't bad. It wasn't bad.. Yo! Yo! It wasn't bad.
It wasn't bad.
It wasn't bad.
On 7-11 day, don't do this.
Don't do this.
Juneteenth for Indians, be cool, bro.
You still got it, girl.
No, listen.
Yo.
Listen.
This guy's crazy.
Listen, listen.
I was wearing a pinky ring.
What's going on, bro?
What's happening?
Okay.
No, it wasn't a bad dream
it wasn't anything sexual
or anything
I just happened to have a dream
okay
it was her
it was
it was
fucking
it was like a
like a
alright Charlie Murphy
get it out okay
it was a scooter
Charlie Murphy yeah it was it out. It was a scooter.
Charlie Murphy?
Yeah, it was me.
It was Eddie.
Yeah, it was a crazy thing.
Wow.
A scooter?
Just give him a second.
It was a scooter, dude.
It was a scooter.
Okay.
Like a Vespa?
No.
Oh.
Like a Razor?
Like a Razor scooter. That's it like a razor? Yeah, like a razor. Like a razor scooter.
That's it.
I was just doing tricks on a ramp.
What do you think that means?
How does that affect your relationship with your parents, do you think?
I think my parents let me go to rollerblading camp once, and I got a concussion there, and I wish that maybe they didn't allow me to do that.
Yeah, is that their fault you got a concussion?
Yeah, they didn't care about my safety enough.
It's kind of wild to let your kid do extreme sports as a young'un, don't you think?
That's when you're most resilient.
You hit your head, you bounce back.
Do you bounce back?
I don't know that you do.
I think it might be like permanent damage.
I think you're the most susceptible when you're young, actually.
Yeah, but then it also could make you into a great comic.
You know, hit your head a few times as a kid.
Rogan literally thinks that I'm like impulsive because I've had concussions.
Yeah.
That makes sense.
I got told I had three concussions.
He's like, oh, that's probably why you're like a...
Damn, Rogan therapied you, bro.
Damn, Rogan hit you with this probably
because of your childhood.
Fuck, bro.
Childhood is crazy, man.
Maybe we should take, you know how like,
like Elon's doing this thing where he's like,
I don't need to take care of my kids
until they're adults
and then I'll play more of a role.
Right? That's crazy. Maybe we should only take care of my kids until they're adults and then I'll play more of a role right that's crazy
maybe we should only
take care of the kids
for those first six years
and then pass it off
and then you just
like
at what point
if they get diddled
does it not make them trans
no no
I'm not saying that
by the special
sorry
that was a joke
we're gay
we're gay
thank god you cleaned it up Thank God you cleaned it up.
Thank God you cleaned it up.
At what point does it not turn them into the alphabet if they get touched?
Because, like, if I get touched now, I'm not going to be an alphabet.
You don't know.
Debatable.
You don't know that.
It also depends who touches you.
Yeah.
What do you mean?
I bet you get touched into being an alphabet.
You know how fucking good you got to be to turn an adult?
Who's better at giving blowjobs probably than dudes?
Yeah, but like a good blowjob is not going to make you go, oh, I want all men.
It's just, it's like, I want Ralph one more time, bro.
Yeah.
Pussy mouth.
Yeah.
Ralph got that fire, bro.
Pussy mouth Ralph, bro.
You don't know Ralph.
Pussy mouth Ralph, bro.
Go for it.
Pussy mouth Ralph. Pussy mouth Ralph, bro. Go, go. Pussy mouth Ralph.
Pussy mouth Ralph.
You don't just run it up with every dude,
but Ralph, you're like, all right.
Also, guys, Big Dizzy Energy Tour is still going strong.
We got a lot of momentum.
Saw it at the last, I don't know how many weekends.
Let's keep that shit going.
This weekend in Minneapolis, Acme Comedy Club.
It's supposed to be one of the best comedy clubs in the city.
I know it's the summer in Minneapolis,
but stop acting like you got a lot of shit to do. Come to the shows. Let's have some
fucking laughs. Let's hang out after this weekend, Thursday through Sunday, July 14th through 16th.
Also, San Diego, I'm telling you these shows will sell out. July 28th through 30th, American Comedy
Company, one of my favorite clubs in the city. I promise you these shows will sell out, so you need
to buy tickets because some of them are already getting close. August 5th and 6th, I'm going to be in Atlantic City, New Jersey. I'm
coming back to the city that gave us all COVID. Let's do it one more time. And I'm telling you
what, one of these days, I think I'm going to bring the RU Garbage Boys and I'm going to honor
the other half of my bet. Pay $5,000, put it on black, one spin. Let's see what the fuck happens.
August 11th through 13th, I'm also hitting Tempe at the Tempe Improv.
September 9th and 10th, Orlando, Florida.
Mark will probably be there because his fucking anti-vax ass lives there.
So, all those dates and more at akashsingh.com.
Now, let's get back to the show.
Let's do on-air therapy.
I think that's what we're missing.
That would be fun.
That'd be awesome, right?
Yeah.
All right, I'll start it.
Let's do it.
Yeah.
You ready to come?
My therapist, I already have a therapist, by the way.
Okay.
His first name's Andrew.
Okay, I got you.
Ready?
Here we go.
Fuck!
Hey, girl.
Scoreboard.
That was scoreboard right there.
That was really good.
Yeah.
Did I say on the pod yet that somebody thought I was him on the street?
I told you guys that, right?
I told you guys this.
No?
On the call.
This is an algorithm in real life bro
they thought that i was him somebody came up to me and they're with their girl and they're like oh
shit that's my favorite comedian they're like what's up andrew tate and i'm like what
i go different andrew bro and he goes i mean shawls oh fuck my bad i'm like this is this guy
is the greatest guy in. I was like,
at that moment,
I realized that he was the most influential human in the history of the internet.
Maybe the most influential Andrew.
Fuck you.
Wow.
Fuck you.
You're cool.
I didn't do anything.
No,
he might be the most influential Andrew,
honestly.
And it fucking breaks me to say it.
It breaks me like one of his bitches.
He didn't say it, dude.
It really does.
It really does.
Do we need him on?
I think we might have to.
Oh, we have to.
I mean, he's so funny.
He's funny.
It's just a stand-up.
Come on.
You just have some laughs.
Yeah.
Should we have him, like, teach Shifty how to get, oh, no.
That's not valuable.
Is there anybody single here?
Miles, should we?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Oh, life coaching
with Miles would be the best.
But Miles already has so many bitches.
Yeah, but are they broken?
Yeah, that's right. You have girls that are like
interesting thoughts and ideas.
Do I have to hear for that? Dove.
No, Dove does not need anything.
No, he doesn't.
No, no, no, no.
He wants a woman that he respects
and will walk all over him.
I mean, they do that already.
Are you simping?
None of them walk over me.
You're going to simp when you have a Jewish wife.
Bro, it's not even...
He simps now.
No, he doesn't simp now.
No, he doesn't simp now.
He doesn't simp now.
He doesn't simp now.
Thank you.
You don't simp now.
But with your Jewish wife, you will 100% simp.
And she will absolutely obliterate you.
But that's okay, though. Exactly. It cultural i am absolutely okay to come back to the home you think there's
there's a female entertainer there's a probably a female entertainer she shot
fucking tori lane i don't think she shot anybody. Yes, she did. No, she does a lot. Is simping, though,
if she's running shit
when she gets home?
Yes.
If you even have to ask
what simping is,
you're a fucking simp, bro.
Yeah.
The crazy thing is
most women probably don't know
Andrew Tate exists.
That's not true.
They're probably not getting
the updates all on their
Instagram and stuff
and on their YouTube shorts.
Oh, you think that their
algorithm is different?
Yeah, they probably have
a female Andrew Tate
telling them dating tricks
and how to handle their dicks. Oh, God. And how to handle their dicks.
Oh, God. Like the dick-sucking
chicks.
What is it called? Women.
That was fucking
sexist. Alex Tate. That was
really fucking sexist. No,
the fucking Caller Daddy.
Oh, okay. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, in a way, that could be female Andrew Tate in the early days. Like, OG Caller Daddy. Didn't okay. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, in a way,
that could be female intraday
in the early days.
Like, OG Call Her Daddy.
Didn't they change the name
to that podcast?
Wasn't it like
How to Be Lonely
When You're 40?
Is that the...
British.
You have to do it British.
Wait, what is it?
If you do it British,
then you're fine.
Dude, any girl
that pays attention
to that podcast
will be single
at 40, 100%.
Well, they pivoted.
They pivoted. Early days. It's crazy%. Well, they pivoted. They pivoted.
Early days.
It's crazy?
Nah, they pivoted.
Just go gobble up
all the dicks in the city
and you don't think,
dude, we're putting
the numbers on your forehead.
You don't realize
what's happening.
The numbers are going
on the forehead.
You're not going to be
able to hide it anymore.
Like a tattoo?
It's not a tattoo,
obviously,
because it has to change.
But it will be a visor
that they wear
and they will have
like a number
that will go across it.
Why do you have to have
a number on your forehead?
Because I'm a bitch.
That's why this fucking guy.
I don't get it.
You don't get it, dude.
Okay, can we be serious?
There's a lot of stuff happening
in the world right now.
All right, ask me something.
Why are Sri Lankans
swimming in the pool?
I thought they was drinking it.
Did you see them?
Didn't they look...
For real.
Why are Sri Lankans going for a dip? Can someone explain that? They stormed the presidential building, them? Didn't they look like that? For real. Why is Sri Lanka going for a dip?
Can someone explain that?
They stormed the presidential building, right?
Yeah, they stormed the capital.
Hey, fight that good fight, Sri Lanka.
Yeah.
I fucks with Sri Lankans.
Yeah, me too.
But yeah, this is the scene right now.
They're inside the Sri Lankan president's house.
They're swimming in the pool.
They're in his bed.
Hanging out.
Good for them.
And fuck the president.
Oh, gosh. You understand what's happening over there?
Because I have no idea.
I read a little bit.
Let's see how much I actually remember.
Well, you don't remember?
Just fill in the gaps.
Yeah, you're right.
Government's been corrupt for a while.
The prime minister that they also ousted, he only stepped in like six months ago.
But there's been a lot of corruption, a lot of mismanagement of money for like a long time.
And people just had enough.
And they said, we're storming this motherfucker's house.
We're swimming in his pool.
We're hanging out on his bed.
Good for them.
You gotta do something.
That was a cool protest.
A protest that ends in a pool party?
That's awesome.
Yeah.
All in good fun.
And they got the guy to resign.
But you January 6th motherfuckers couldn't get done.
Facts, though.
Yeah, how does Sri Lanka's body all the January 6th people?
That's crazy.
They won, bruh.
They were just hanging out.
They weren't stealing nothing.
They weren't hurting nobody.
It's just, hey, let me take a little dip in a pool.
And if a country's broke and they're living like this, people are going to get fed up at some point.
They apparently have like a couple million in their national reserve.
And they got, what, 22 million people?
That's not enough.
You need billions.
Could we buy Sri Lanka, you think?
If we were to pool all of our money together?
You made this real white, dog.
You can't just go buying humans.
We could bail them out.
So we can give them a loan.
Okay.
And then we would then become de facto presidents of Sri Lanka.
Oh, like do one of the economic hitman things.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Exactly that.
I think we could save the country.
I'm down to save the country.
I don't think there's anything wrong with that at all.
Great.
I think this is good.
I think that we should do it.
Mm-hmm. That's it. Yeah.
They need $6 billion, apparently, just to
get through the next six months. Got that. Got the money for that?
I'm good on that. Not a real charity, though. Don't
send me no bullshit. No. I think there's other things
that we gotta save before it's round. Why doesn't
India come through and help them out? India has actually
come through. They're our neighbors. Yeah, and they actually have helped.
But they said, like, we can't just rely on India.
They need the IMF to actually step up.
And the IMF is like, y'all been so corrupt.
We need to actually make sure you're going to use this money correctly if we give it to you.
Or at least one economist who I think worked for the IMF or something.
Again, gaps.
But that's what I understand.
My understanding was, like, China basically gave them a bunch of, like, loans that they built they built like docks or whatever with.
Yeah, the Belt and Road Initiative.
Yeah.
And they basically defaulted on the loans.
And I don't know, maybe that had to do with COVID or maybe it had to do with
like.
Apparently COVID hurt tourism a lot, which is a big source of income.
So then that also was another thing.
Yeah.
So now they come in to collect that bread.
But I don't know, man.
They just got to invest in crypto. I don't know why man. They just gotta invest in crypto.
I don't know why
they didn't do that.
Are you still in?
Are you still, like,
buying in?
Yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
I'm waiting for it
to go lower
because I bought in
already.
What's funny?
My mom says
I'm never wrong.
What's funny?
I mean,
you're not wrong.
You're not wrong.
It is going lower.
Yeah.
As it goes lower,
every time it goes lower,
I put more in.
To a new low.
And what happens
when it hits zero?
Then I'm fucked.
So you want it to go low
until zero.
Hit a dollar.
Yo, hit a dollar,
I'm going to go fucking bananas.
Yeah, but then you can buy
all the...
I'm going to be out here
like one of them
fucking Winklevosses.
Yeah, you can buy
all the Bitcoin then.
Yeah.
If it hits zero, it's done, right?
Some coin hit zero and then came back.
So I guess theoretically, no, but we'd all probably kill ourselves if it hit zero.
So what are you going to do?
I mean, zero is crazy.
Zero means there's not a single person on the planet that wants it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And there's no place you can storm.
There's no place to go you know
i mean like there's not like there's not a president's house there's not a guy that my
wife's gonna storm a couple divorce attorneys offices i'll tell you that has she been giving
you any shit seeing like the value go down no i've actually said we should keep buying and she's like
all right that's crazy we just can't only do that we got to diversify which is completely
rational yeah that's smart yeah that's smart yeah okay how can't only do that. We got to diversify, which is completely rational. Yeah, that's smart.
That's smart.
Yeah.
When she found out how much,
she was like, what?
And I was like, yeah,
what are you going to do?
Wait, what?
When she found out how much money
I had in crypto,
she was like, what?
And I was like, yeah,
hey, we out here.
Let's see what happens.
Yeah.
The trick is you just got to lie.
Just be like,
I invested a thousand bucks
a few years ago
and look what we got now.
She's like, what?
That's amazing.
That's it.
So it's just a much better relative perspective.
It's been a much better way to do it.
All right.
What else we got?
Okay.
We want to talk DM etiquette.
Doja Cat DMs this kid, Will, from Stranger Things saying, yo, set me up with your boy,
the punk kid from Stranger Things.
Yeah.
He posts it on the internet and posts the whole screenshot.
He's like,
wow, this is so funny.
Doja Cat is trying to smash dude.
Yeah.
She gets pissed off
and is like,
yo, this kid's a snake.
Leaked my DMs.
Because she got a man probably.
Oh.
So she was doing foul shit.
That's what I assume.
Oh, I thought
it's because she caught a lot of heat
that she's dating white boys. That's, on black Twitter, that's what I assume. Oh, I thought it's because she caught a lot of heat that she's dating white boys.
That's, I'm black.
I'm black.
Twitter, that's what I saw.
That could be it.
Yeah.
Oh.
Either way, this is embarrassing.
Why are you friends with a 17-year-old?
That's the embarrassing thing to me.
Going through a 17-year-old to get the older dude.
Why?
I mean, yeah, just DM.
Also, like, call your agent.
Your agent is going to be able to connect you to him. Yeah. Like, you wanted to get the older dude why I mean yeah just DM also like call your agent your agent is gonna be able
to connect you to him
like you wanted to DM
the Stranger Things kid
you wanted to talk
to the Stranger Things kid
like you're watching a show
there's nothing wrong with that
that's fine
but
why didn't she just DM herself
why should she be a mad pussy
did she say that dude
doesn't have Instagram
or something like that
I think that's his thing
but then he did
she just couldn't find it
she goes can you tell Joseph to hit me up no way does he have a girlfriend lol slide in his DM sign Instagram or something like that? But then he did. She just couldn't find it. She goes,
can you tell Joseph
to hit me up?
No way.
Does he have a girlfriend?
LOL.
Slide in his DMs.
Son.
I don't know his IG or Twitter.
He doesn't have a DM to slide in.
Why are you having a conversation
with a guy who calls you ma'am?
You know what I mean?
Like,
this is a 17-year-old kid.
Hold on.
He said ma'am?
Yeah,
right here, ma'am.
Get out of here, bro.
And she mad at him?
This is embarrassing for you. It might be the ma'am, yo. Yeah. If he kept the ma'am in Get out of here, bro. And she mad at him? This is embarrassing for you.
It might be the ma'am, yo.
He kept the ma'am in the post?
That's crazy.
Yeah.
But also, it's corny of him.
Why'd you leak that?
He's 17.
He don't know no better.
You should never leak DMs.
Never leak private shit.
I don't care if it's nudes or a private conversation.
You don't know what somebody's more embarrassing about.
We put all this value on nudes,
but some people might be way more comfortable with their nudes being out there than a private conversation.
Sure.
So, yeah, he should go to jail.
He should be shot in his fucking head.
Whatever happens to Mia Khalifa should happen to him, 100%.
He's 17.
It's different rules.
He's a minor.
Put him in juvie.
Okay.
Social media juvie.
Have him out there fighting, slipping on semen.
Yeah, slipping on semen.
You know what I mean? Have him out there fighting, slipping on semen. Yeah, slipping on semen. You know what I mean?
Have them out there fighting, slipping on semen,
bro. Okay, alright. Like, that's some real
shit. You don't know what Rikers is like.
Yeah. Yeah, you never run
time, Akash. You do some time.
You out there, dude wants to fight you.
You in the showers, semen everywhere,
slipping on it.
That's something you never
experience. That's what they don't tell you
You fall on semen
Now you're sitting in semen
Now you're sitting in semen
Semen seeping up your butt cheeks
And butthole
Yeah
Now you're pregnant
Now your kid's gay
Think about that
That's how it happens
You never done time bro
Yes bro
If you did time
You would know
Okay
Yes
What'd you do? Say again What'd you do what'd you do what'd you
do i snuffed somebody that got you in rikers no when i was in rikers oh okay i snuffed somebody
yeah slipped licked the floor clean
yo it is what it is bro i said to myself i was like i ain't slipping on no semen for
this guy wanted to fight with me. He's like,
yo, we might slip on semen. I'm like,
I ain't slipping on no semen.
Slurped it up.
Yup. Had all the grip.
Had all the grip.
Did you win the fight, at least? Say what? Did you win the fight?
I was cramping because I was so full.
You can't exercise after
you eat so quickly, bro.
You can't exercise. You eat that much calories, you can't exercise After you eat so quickly Bro You eat that much calories
You can't exercise right there
Yeah
You know what I mean
I probably ate about
A good two billion kids
Jeez
I was eating two billion
And those are tough kids too
Those are criminals kids
Yeah I did
Facts bro
Motherfuckers was going crazy
Gang fights in my tummy
You know what I mean
Different sets bro
They was throwing up
Different sets bro
That's crazy
did you get impregnated
say again
did you get impregnated
I told you I got pregnant
I got scooped bro
I got an abortion
I got an abortion bro
really
yeah I got an abortion dude
and that's why
I'm so pro
females choice
and man's choice
say what
and male's choice
to get an abortion
pro pregnant person's choice
I was pro pregnant person's choice yeah abortion? And male's choice To get into a smorgasbord Pro-pregnant person's choice I was pro-pregnant person's choice
Yeah
Yo abortion is nothing
To joke around about
Al
Yeah serious Al
For real dude
Yeah
I gave myself it
How you do that?
Say again?
How you do that?
How did I give myself an abortion?
Yeah
And there's only one way
You can do it
Yeah
Yeah
What is it?
Wire hanger?
No dude
That's gross
That's crazy dude
Obviously not
It's disgusting No I was playing basketball And I just hit a shot And my boy jumped And I jumped to do that yeah what is it wire hanger no dude that's gross crazy dude obviously disgusting no when i was
playing basketball and i just hit a shot my boy jumped and i jumped to do that like uh yeah yeah
like high five thing yeah oh wow that seems pretty easy to be honest with you it's very easy but has
anyone ever done that you've never lost a child has anyone ever done that in sports in real life
say what like the chest bump in sports like i've never seen that happen in real life ever
like you're playing basketball with your boy and you make a shot and you like chest bump in sports? I've never seen that happen in real life ever. Like you're playing basketball with your boy and you make a shot.
And you chest bump in the air?
Mark, you watch soccer, bro.
You don't watch real sports.
That's my point.
If you watch a real sport, you would see that coming off.
Has it ever happened in basketball ever?
Yes, bro.
All the time.
A chest bump where your nose is touched?
No.
That shit is sus as hell.
Why your nose got a touch?
That's the weirdest celebration in sports.
Because that's the only way you can make it less weird.
That's the weirdest celebration in sports. You go and you put your titties on some other dude and you jump in the air. I don't celebration in sports. Because that's the only way you can make it less weird. That's the weirdest celebration in sports.
You go and you put your titties on some other dude and you jump in the air.
I don't believe in it.
And I've also never seen it.
It never happens in football.
It never happens in basketball.
It doesn't happen in soccer.
No, it doesn't happen in soccer.
That's not how they celebrate.
They slide on their knees like men.
You want to see me?
The ground's full of semen, bro.
Is that what they do?
They're like about to suck dick.
They're so excited.
They run.
They slide on their knees and they just hope that there's a dick. They'll slide on their belly sometimes. Just pull an Andrew Schultz in a Rikers prison semen, bro. Is that what they... They're like about to suck dick. They're so excited. They run, they slide on their knees,
and they just hope that there's a dick right there.
They'll slide on their belly sometimes,
just pulling Andrew Schultz into Rikers prison.
Yeah, exactly.
I was never on my belly, bro.
How do you lick?
Say what?
Hands on your knees?
I did handstand, and then I went down, dude.
Okay, I have a hypothetical for you, all right?
Okay, give me your hypothetical.
You're pregnant.
Okay.
You're driving in Texas.
Yeah.
You get pulled over in the hov lane
i love this one this is yo yo this is amazing says hey you're supposed to have other people
in the hov lane why are you driving with just one person she goes i'm pregnant
i'm pregnant from now on in the hov lane and you can't say shit because you don't know what gender
i am oh shit i think in those states they know what gender you are. You know what I mean? That's the point, but I'm saying
in the states
in the states that want
to make abortion illegal,
you should be able to drive
with a baby in your belly in the age of
100%. You decide when life starts.
There's more than one life in there. Change the fucking rule
if you don't like it, bro. Absolutely. Yes or
no? Yo, new tax
dependence. Soon as you're pregnant, that's a tax dependent. That's my child. He, bro. Absolutely. Yes or no? Yo, new tax dependents. As soon as you're pregnant,
that's a tax dependent.
That's my child.
He's alive.
Done.
What else can you do?
When does child support start?
Yo.
Oh, that's a good question.
When does child support start?
When the kid's born, right?
That's how it is now.
Oh, whoa, whoa.
Why on the earth
would it start
when the kid is born?
Yeah.
Life begins.
That was a good point.
At contraception.
That's not what I'm saying.
Good point.
What if you want to get a discount at a movie?
What about that?
Or like at Denny's or something.
You want to get the kid's menu.
You should be allowed to do that if you're pregnant.
Yes!
If the kid is eating that food, is it not?
Mm-hmm.
Kid's going to see the movie and around about where,
or at least hear it.
O-M-G.
Yeah.
They should have to pay for two.
Yeah.
If you're pregnant,
you should have to pay
for you and the kid
that's in that movie.
Required.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
If you're going to see
the Minions movie,
double it up.
Actually, you don't have to
if they sit in your lap
and technically the baby
is in the belly,
so it's on your lap,
you don't have to do it.
And there's usually an age
in which they're free.
Like usually under three.
Kids under three eat free.
Oh, yeah.
You know what I mean?
So you're going to be all right.
What about airplane?
What about it?
Pregnant ladies on the airplane.
No, because if they can sit on your lap, it's just one seat.
Yeah.
Most of the rules are figured out.
Yeah.
It's just this other one right now.
Should they charge fat people for two seats on an airplane?
Yes.
I think they should charge fat people for more than that.
I'm listening. Why would it be more than two seats? There's? Yes. I think they should charge fat people for more than that. I'm listening.
Why would it be
more than two seats?
There's like a,
there's a view thing.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Sometimes a smell thing.
Yeah, I've experienced.
Oh, wow.
But does it go to the person
that they're sitting next to?
Like a voucher or something?
Yo.
If you're willing to sit
next to that person,
you get a voucher.
Like a Wolfgang Puck Express
or something?
Like they hook it up?
Nah, because she'll steal that shit this thing, bitch.
You need free tickets.
I thought it was a dude.
You made it a woman.
I respect that.
Bitch is genderless, you know what I mean?
Yeah, that's fair.
It's a genderless bitch.
Yeah, it's a genderless bitch.
It's a gender-fluid bitch.
Yeah.
But you guys should get a free flight.
I had to put up with this for three hours.
Now you should get a first-class upgrade on the next flight.
That's very reasonable.
Yeah, I think that's fair.
By the way, did you see the Minions movie?
No, I did not.
Why not?
You didn't dress up in a tuxedo?
No.
You don't believe in it?
No.
Do you think it's the greatest movie role out of all time?
Yeah.
Never been done before ever in history?
Yeah.
It's never happened in the history of the internet.
It's on blue.
They're geniuses.
The way they did it, they're absolute geniuses.
The Minions or?
Also the Minions.
No.
Just this idea, like you understand that all these kids watched the movie when they were children.
Now they are, what are they, Gen Zs they're called?
Mm-hmm.
Now they're, these Gen Zs are, you know, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20s, early 20s.
How do you get those same people that really enjoyed Minions, and Minions had a profound effect on their childhood, to tap into the movie again?
Yeah.
You don't have to teach them about the product again.
And they definitely don't want to watch a child movie, like a movie only for kids.
So, like, tapping into Yeet and creating this, like, marketing plan, like, with the memes and other stuff, it was just genius.
It's like you basically get them to feel the nostalgia while also feeling the relevance.
And a really cool thing has happened.
Hip and nostalgic.
Pardon?
Hip and nostalgic.
Hip and nostalgic.
Now you crossed that.
And a cool thing is happening.
It's like with some of these marketing,
like Minions figured this out.
There's something I've realized
when social media came around.
It's not just quality of content,
but because younger generations get social currency by sharing things, the thing that
they share has to then make them cool as well. Like everything is content to these kids. So for
example, going to Minions and just saying, hey, I went to the Minion movie, isn't as cool as
dressing up in an all black suit and going to it, bringing it. Yes. Bringing bananas there and eating it. Right.
So it's like, I think what the people that did the marketing for this movie realize is
the kids need to feel in on the joke.
They're not just sharing like a nice piece of standup because they're like, this is really
funny.
Yeah.
They have to almost like something ironically.
I think that's where a lot of things grow.
It's like, it starts as irony.
We're actually kind of making fun of this thing
We don't really like it
And then all of a sudden
I like it
Here's this white rapper kid that wears a turban
It's kind of ironic to like him
And then all of a sudden, oh shit, the music is kind of fire
And then it's become a movement
And now you're down to be part of the movement
Because you started it
Weirdly, the kids need to be making fun
of the thing that they like.
Yeah.
It's a weird time to be a content creator too.
But is it risky for the movie franchise?
Because now you turn this movie into like a joke
and so it becomes like Sharknado
or some shit like that.
That's interesting.
But I don't think if it's,
especially because they already have hits in the can.
So now you're coming out with another one.
New kids probably are going to look at that like,
like a five-year-old is going to be like,
oh, that's not for us.
Possibly.
That's, you know, whatever.
Or they'll just like it regardless.
I think that a five-year-old being like,
yeah, it's not for me.
It's not hip enough.
It's not hip enough.
Five-year-olds are the most hip.
It's an interesting time to be a content creator
because you got to get five-year-olds
who are very hip and with it.
I just feel like it depends at this point on the movie.
So if the movie itself is good,
all those kids that went there ironically will be like,
actually, it was kind of fire.
You got them in the door.
Now it's up to you to deliver.
If you don't deliver, that's a one-time lick,
and you're right.
It's one and done.
Try to recreate it.
People are like, I don't need to come back.
But if you get them in the door and they actually enjoyed the experience and liked the characters and thought the story was really cool,
and you'll be able to look at, not watch time, but you'll be able to look at the word of mouth and how many tickets are sold, et cetera,
and see if people actually like it and be like, okay, we got something.
Let's keep running it up.
And you know what makes a lot more sense than the argument I made earlier?
Kids don't care.
They're going to like it regardless.
You just got to get the 15-year-olds in.
When you say kids, you mean children.
Yeah, three, four, five.
They don't care.
They don't know what's...
But now I think movie franchises or movie production houses are going to keep doing this type of thing.
Oh, and then it will just become...
And now it's going to be like cheesy.
Well, also the people getting the jobs for the marketing grew up with the internet.
Whereas before, because those kids are 25 now, 26, 27. Before, we didn't really grow up in the internet so we're just kind of guessing
yeah now these kids are like nah this is how you do it i grew up with this yeah we were talking
about just the special and i was and i was asking uh the guys i was asking shubh and i was asking
shifty and i was just like what what what are the things within your generation that have become
popular off of like merit off of like the actual quality.
Like obviously sports, you're popular if you score a lot of points because there's a metric
that shows how good you are, right? But like, what are the pieces of content that are just purely,
oh, this is brilliant. I have to give it up for this thing. And it was very hard for them to come
up with ideas. And I suggested euphoria and they're like, ah, yeah, Euphoria.
Like, people, it's just kind of ubiquitous.
Like, this is a great show, and we like this show.
But most of the things that they were saying were popular were kind of like jokes on top of jokes that had to do with memes.
Right.
Right?
So it was like a constant sarcasm or like a meta approach to comedy.
constant sarcasm or like a meta approach to comedy. And it's very interesting because when creating content, do you want to create the thing that's made fun of so that people spread it?
But like, how do you tell which one came first? I feel like one perpetuates the other.
Yeah. So I guess that's the question I was just posing was, are you playing into how kids share
things and then creating the thing that is made fun of and then it's shared or are you organically trying to make something good and they're like this is ridiculous and then
they share it yeah i mean i guess both happens all the time i think they both do happen the thing is
how do you gain that system you know i think when we were coming up it's and i could be completely
fucking wrong could be the exact same thing but it feels a little bit more like, hey, if you make the really good thing,
then people will see it.
Yeah, or just cool wasn't, it's cool because we're all kind of laughing at it, then it
becomes cool because we're all kind of doing it.
It was just cool.
But we did have ironic things that happened before, and there's one that I'll point out.
I wonder if it was impactful for you guys.
There was a time where MTV did a VJ competition. Yeah, I remember that. There was
the guy that they wanted who ended up working with MTV. Yeah. I don't know for a fact that they
wanted, I assume his name is Dave and he ended up working for the company being a VJ and then went
on and- It was good, smooth. There was another guy who was a crackhead named Jesse and he was
literally like a heroin addict with a wild voice, wild hair.
I think he was even fucking homeless,
like some kind of like East Village kid,
like whatever.
And Jesse was so,
he could barely read the teleprompter.
The other guy was like,
remember he was like polished and he had the whole thing down.
Repeat the line.
The guy, but people, we thought,
we're like, wouldn't it be funny
if the guy that should never win, they're leaving it up to us.
Wouldn't it be funny if the guy should never win?
And we had this Minions-esque moment where we were like, let's create satire here.
Let's be ironic.
We're going to ironically like the guy who's not good at his job.
He is kind of authentically unique in himself, but he's not.
And that movement, there was no internet.
Think about that. We're like making phone calls to make
this happen. Imagine that with internet.
There's memes about him. You have
the polished guy who should get the job and the guy
who should never be paid to talk in front of
the camera. And the never be paid
to talk in front of the camera guy wins.
I remember him winning. I don't remember anything about him,
but I also don't remember everybody being like, oh, this guy,
let's just laugh at him.
Yeah.
But the difference between this and a Minions
is you didn't eventually be like,
you know what, Jesse's great, dude.
He's so good.
I love this guy.
I don't know that that happened.
You could tell me.
Oh, no, I don't think,
I don't think he ended up having like a big career after it.
But, and then that was the kind of fucked up thing.
It was like immediately after,
it was just like,
okay, we're done with that cool adventure.
It's like Free Britney.
It's like Free Britney was like kind of ironic. There are some people who actually cared, but most people
didn't really even look into her psychology. It's like, oh, this is a cool thing to be a part of.
And it's almost like ironic. Yeah, Free Britney, we had fun with it. We made, I wore a fucking
Free Britney shirt on some pod. I forget what it was. I forget. Maybe it was, maybe it was on stage.
I don't know. But it was like, we're teasing this thing. I just hope that the younger generation still has room to appreciate real quality content. And I asked them, like, what's the musician that people like? And they were like, Drake. And I was like, okay, this is quality music that they can, but they're not sharing it close to as much as they are that this guy that they can like ironically.
Drake might have been the gateway into this thing, though, because Drake, we all laughed
at the fact that he was corny, but the music was undeniable.
No, the corniness creates the room for the ironic support.
All the memes where he's like dancing and looking kind of-
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's Degrassi.
He's wheelchair Jimmy, whatever.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So it's almost like that needs to play a part in it.
Yeah.
Well, I remember the baseline of it, and I'm not discounting what you're saying.
I'm saying I think it's the gateway.
Because in addition, a lot of people were like, you call him corny if you want to, but the music fucking slaps.
That was the pushback I would get as somebody who just didn't really like him from the beginning.
You can act like the music don't slap.
It slaps.
Music fucks.
So that's where that was there.
And then the memes and shit. Like when he was dancing in the fucking, used to call me on my't slap. It slaps. Music fucks. So that's where that was there. And then the memes and shit.
Like when he was dancing in the fucking, used to call me on my cell phone, hotline ring.
He was already fucking huge at that point.
Yeah.
But then it became its own like bang, bang, bang.
What is that meme where it's like this?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I don't know.
But I don't know what begets what because like the reason why those memes are working is because we all know it.
It's basically just like a digital inside joke.
Everyone's like, oh, we've seen this meme.
I know this guy.
He has a funny face here that he doesn't like something, and he has a face that he likes something.
That's the thing.
Yeah, you know, there's a line in The Office.
My wife loves The Office.
Great show, but she loves it, so it's on a lot.
And there's a line where, like, Michael Scott's like the goofy guy that nobody likes, and he goes, I love inside jokes.
I'd love to be a part of one someday.
that nobody likes and he goes,
I love inside jokes.
I'd love to be a part of one someday.
And it's a funny line,
but also that is essentially
what you just said
is like, yo,
how happy are we
when we're all a part
of the inside joke?
And then we just share it
and share it and share it
and then eventually
it's going to catch everybody
and if it's quality,
you'll be like,
yo, this is actually dope though.
And then you become a fan fan.
Yeah.
I think Drake realized that early on
and he like leaned into it
like for people to meme him yeah he did
stuff yeah yeah and at first it used to bother ability i think that's because remember when he
first came out people were saying oh it looked like he has down syndrome this kid is like super
emo yeah like canadian rapper yeah somehow he just looks like a sharp a
sharp sharp yeah well he is some like he leaned into it and now people don't necessarily make a sharp A. Sharp A. Sharp A. Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah.
He leaned into it
and now people
don't necessarily
make fun of
his actual character.
It's just like,
K will just make fun
of when he actually
wants us to make fun of him.
Yeah, so now
everybody's in on the joke.
When I do the
I'm too sexy song
or whatever,
it's like,
ah, this is easy to mean.
Yeah, he has a great
sense of humor
about himself, it seems.
I didn't know
about the beginning,
but it seems like
he's willing to take a joke,
and he makes fun of himself, and he's very loose with it,
which is incredibly likable when it's someone that famous.
Because most famous people, I don't want to say most,
but the famous people that we see that seem incredibly sensitive
to being teased or being positioned in a weird way.
When you see somebody that's that famous, that successful,
that's laughing at themselves, you're like, oh, wow, are you a real person?
Yeah.
Now, what were you saying?
Yeah, I guess the place where it gets hung up is I feel like if the brand or the person is too self-aware and they are perpetuating overhandedly the memes.
You know what I mean?
I feel like Drake does a good job of doing it subtly, whereas he'll be like whereas he'll like i'll do a song and then people will just pick it up organically because
that's what people do so like it can come across thirsty if you're like too in on it yeah exactly
or if like he's the one that's like hey guys we're doing a new challenge we're doing the my song
challenge it's like oh it's not funny because you're telling me the inside joke well real quick
on this i'm not teasing you yeah yeah you're too in on it yeah even if you aren't shut the
fuck up yeah let them be the ones that do it because then they're gonna get all the credit
if you're the one pushing your own dance kiki challenge if shiggy doesn't push it and drink
shit for that too yeah oh wait wait like a little bit because it felt forced it was like oh he's
really trying to get a TikTok song to blow.
And like we were kind of knocking it at first.
That Kiki challenge?
Yeah, I think so.
I think most people were like.
Oh, I thought Shiggy.
Yeah, I thought Shiggy started it and it blew up.
And then I saw fucking Sierra doing it.
I was like, this is wild.
Yeah, but like the fact that he has like the steps to the dance in the song.
The Toosie Slide.
No, the Toosie Slide.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm thinking of that one.
I think he thought Toosie Slide.
I mean, this is so crazy.
And that one he got pushback for. I think that's his one. I think he thought 2C Slide, and this is so crazy. And that one he got pushback for.
I think that's his point, actually.
I think we made fun of him.
We're like, you want the TikTok dance.
But ironically, the one that blows up
is the one where Shiggy, shouts to Shiggy,
just does a hilarious video in his fucking sandals
outside of his house in Queens,
and it becomes like a dance track, right?
And that is the pureness.
That is authenticity.
And then Drake leaned in and did a video with Shiggy and blah, blah, yeah. And that is the pureness. That is authenticity. And then Drake leaned in
and did a video with Shiggy
and blah, blah, blah.
Like, he let it become a thing,
then he was in on it,
and then he's more likable.
But that's, I guess,
what's so impressive
about the Minions movie
is that it isn't authentic.
Right.
It isn't pure,
but it is done so well
that even the people
that recognize
they're being marketed to
are allowing themselves to be marketed to
and playing into the marketing.
And it doesn't hurt the fact that
they outlawed it
and people are getting arrested for it, because now it looks bad.
So was that, because that's how I found out about it,
is the kids wearing the suits to the premiere. Was that a
planted thing, or was that just something that happened organically?
I don't know how it's done. Who knows?
Because I think if that happened organically, that's how
I found out about it and that's how I was like, oh, this movie seems fun.
Even as a 38-year-old man, I'm like, this seems
fun. Might as well see this movie.
What is that shit that was by where we lived?
Our old place in East Village where they dress up.
Rocky Horror Picture Show.
It's fun to be on the inside.
It's the inside joke.
You're wearing the outfits. You're dressed up.
But it's fun to be mischievous. If Minions is posted on their
Instagram like, hey guys, we're all dressing up in suits
going to the movies. That's why it's not mischievous.
If Minions really want to throw gas
on it, hey guys,
please do us a favor.
Don't wear the suits and move the ears because
it's causing a lot of problems. People are very
concerned and blah, blah, blah.
Yeah. Out of here.
But that's how they do it. So like they link with Cole Bennett,
the music video producer.
Yes.
And they're like, yeah,
do a song with Yeet
and like we'll give you rights to it,
but we're not going to promote it at all.
And so you just meme it
the way that you're going to do it
to your audience
the way they're going to like it.
But we,
I haven't seen anything from them
saying that they acknowledge it.
There's no post like on their IG.
Have you seen the music video?
This is the most interesting part of it.
It's,
there's not a single shot in the music video? This is the most interesting part of it. There's not a single
shot in the music video
that isn't in the movie.
It's just re-edited parts of the movie.
And I'm sure that was a part of the deal.
You can do
the lyrical lemonade thing in the braces
when the minion smiles at the very beginning,
but you can't add anything else.
There's one thing that they added. They added pictures of Yeet
as a minion into the Polaroid pictures or whatever. There's one thing that they added. They added pictures of Yeet as a minion into like the Polaroid
pictures or whatever.
But that's what
movie soundtracks
It's very subtle.
Music videos used to be
they would just have
mostly video
and then snippets
of the movie.
Like the fucking
Diddy one for Godzilla.
It had like
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it was like
kind of in the movie setting
but it wasn't.
It's mainly Diddy performing
and then a little cut
to the movie.
This is the opposite.
It flips it.
Barely any of Yeet,
just regular Yeet
and the rest is just minions.
Yeah, it's just interesting.
I'm curious what happens.
I'm curious like
what type of art
comes out of this generation
and like how they develop a balance
between like irony and quality.
It needs to be quality
for you to be in on it.
I think that's one of the things that, and I don't know too much about in on it. I think that's one of the things that,
and I don't know too much about Yeet, but I think that's one of the things
that sets him apart, is that even
though there was irony in finding him,
the music had quality
where you enjoyed listening to it.
It's like this random
perfect combination.
It's ironic to like the white kid from fucking
Seattle that wears a
turban. That's kind of like that does rap music.
That's ironic.
And then you listen to it, you're like, hold on now.
Right?
Like, how do you create that?
How do you curate that?
How do you use that type of marketing as like somebody coming up that I don't know?
Yeah, I don't know.
I just think it has to be very subtle and like hands off in a way.
Yeah, you can't force them.
They have to create it themselves.
They have to, and then how do you inspire that
without having like, what are they called?
Plants or whatever.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, you could do plants.
Like I wouldn't call like necessarily
Colbent's collab like a plant,
but like, you know, like an affiliate marketing thing.
But then like they let happen
and they recognize people that are talented,
that are making stuff, that is moving culture.
Yeah.
But then they just say, do it the way you want to do it.
To me, I'm like, that's the future of marketing.
That if brands want to be smart about it, they just let creators do whatever they want to do with the things that they want them to push.
But tapping into the creators that already have a stranglehold on a group or culture.
Yeah, but if Cole Bennett's like, hey guys, come out to watch the show.
Whack.
Do it the way you're going to do it.
Bro, that's what I mean. Anytime we know, brands that we're working with, right?
It's just like, if you let us do it honestly, it will be way more impactful.
Yeah.
Beyonce gets—I can't even imagine how many millions from Pepsi to do a Super Bowl ad.
Then they pay for the ad itself.
Then they pay for the airtime.
Imagine they just threw Beyonce half of that total money, and're like do whatever you want make it yours a whole different
i think it hits harder i think it saves them money i think it makes the creator more money i think in
every way would be more effective it's so funny it's like once once brands or corporations figure
out how to do this model and i think maybe we touched on this earlier,
but the model will only last for a couple years.
Once it becomes obvious that every Pixar movie
is tapping into the cool musician
and having them make the...
Literally, Hollywood is a race to be second.
So right now, there is a cartoon coming out,
and they're like, we need a song with Future.
We need a song with
Blah Blah Blah. Yeah, McCarty's gonna do a thing.
Yeah. Literally, Playboy Carty. How do we
get Playboy Carty to be in the new Dracula movie?
He'll do the thing. And it's like,
and then, like you said earlier, we'll
notice that we're being
marketed to
and then we'll reject the marketing.
Is a good, subtle example of it
Jack being in White Man Can't Jump, where it's like, hey, you're going to be in this movie.
You're probably a good actor.
You're probably good at ball.
And it's not super, like, you do whatever marketing you want to do.
You don't have to try.
Just your name being in it is the equivalent of throwing eat a bag to do.
So now we can be way, way less.
We don't have to be obnoxious at all.
We don't have to be in your face at all.
And you're still getting all your fans.
It's becoming a part of the like,
what's the cultural conversation?
Yeah, the zeitgeist.
Yeah.
Jack Harlow doing Tyler Hero as a song.
Oh, yeah.
Tyler Hero is a very good basketball player,
but is there like a certain irony to like him being like
the sort of swaggy white kid?
Maybe.
And like his jersey sells numbers.
Yeah.
No, there's something to that.
I think there's something to that.
I don't know if that was orchestrated.
I imagine with the White Man Can't Jump movie
that production was going,
we've got the old heads that grew up with this movie.
Yeah.
It don't matter who we put in it.
Yeah.
I'm showing up.
It'd be hard for me
to not go watch
White Man Can't Jump.
You put Woody and Wesley in it,
I'm in.
I mean, forget it.
That's...
A scene, I'm in.
I'm going nuts.
Exactly.
But what can we put in
to tap into the youth
who were the age
of the kids
that saw
White Man Can't Jump
when it first came out.
So how do we,
like we know we're going to get
the young kids from Minions
because parents are like,
okay, it's a cartoon movie.
I don't have to listen
to my kid for two hours.
I'll take him.
How do we get the teenagers
in the 20s?
Tap into culture.
I feel like reverse engineering it
and it's like,
we know we got the old heads.
How do we get the youth?
Yeah. And I think Jack we get the youth? Yeah.
And I think Jack
is definitely the play.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You want to have some feelings,
no facts?
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the show. Brad Pitt has face blindness. Yo, this is the most lit shit ever. Bro, just...
Shout out to Brad Pitt.
Brad Pitt seems like a funny, kind of cool dude.
Seems great.
I don't know him at all.
But, like...
I love how he diagnosed himself with,
I don't give a fuck about strangers.
It's not that you're blind.
It's just like, I don't remember you.
You're one of the most famous people on the planet.
You remember me, bro.
People talk to me, I need to have a medical diagnosis for why I don't know who you are.
And think of how many people you meet if you're Brad Pitt.
Every fucking person on the street wants to say hi to you.
I got to remember your face?
People get offended if you don't remember their face.
It's like, bro, you're Brad Pitt.
You're meeting 10,000 people a day.
Who the fuck is you? And probably important people being like, hey, I're Brad Pitt. You're meeting 10,000 people a day. Who the fuck is you?
And probably important people being like, hey, I'm an investor
in your company. You remember me? And he's like,
fuck.
So many faces. So this is, it's brilliant, dude.
What's the name of the shit? Asian disease?
What is it?
Face blindness.
I got that.
Only for white people. Only for white people.
Only for white people.
Okay, what else?
Yeah, right?
Okay.
There is a senator that is running, and she posted a twerking video that got people very upset.
Oh, isn't she already an elected official? I believe.
I think she's like a state.
State senator.
Senator for like Rhode Island or something.
I believe so.
God bless.
You got my vote.
Yeah.
This is going to encourage people to vote.
You want young people to vote?
There you go.
I mean, as is mid.
Oh, my.
If you're comparing it to other senators, okay.
But the ass is not crazy.
I mean, that's pretty fucking crazy, though.
That's just talent, bro.
Yeah.
That's just talent.
Like, it's a talented skill.
How do you think I got all that semen off the floor?
Really?
Is that how you did it?
How the fuck do you think I did that?
That's how you stopped slipping on semen?
That's how I stopped slipping on semen.
You was twerking at the same time, too?
Fine.
That's a natural, just a balance.
You need to do that.
Are you voting for her or no?
Say again?
Are you voting for her?
I do vote in Rhode Island.
Okay.
And I will be voting for her.
You're going to go to Rhode Island just to vote?
I support black women. Oh, wow. And I support black-owned businesses. Okay. And I will be voting for her. You're going to go to Rhode Island just to vote? I support black women. Oh, wow.
And I support black-owned
businesses. Okay.
Respect. Wait, what does
she have to do with a black-owned business?
Get all that cake.
You got a bakery.
Thank you. I have absolutely
nothing.
Okay, what else we got?
Okay.
Oh, this Avalanche video
is just fucking insane, first off.
Did you see this?
This shit was insane. So this is a dude.
But why does it stop?
I need to see what happens next if you end up living.
So I actually don't know where this is.
I mean, how do you think he posted the video, Doug?
They could have found a camera, homie, on the body.
No, so they all lived.
It's under snow. it's probably water damaged.
Everybody lived.
Snow.
Hey, water, snow.
What?
This is a fun little hang-up.
What?
I'm actually curious to see where this goes.
Hold on.
Finish the thought real quick.
It's not water damage.
It's snow.
It's snow.
Okay.
I'm neutral still, but I could be swayed.
What happens to snow as it melts?
Why would it melt?
You don't think snow just naturally melts?
But why would it melt in this environment?
You're looking at a glacier.
You talking about the rest of the ground that's not covered in snow?
Well, it's about to be.
And you don't think it's above 33 degrees in the ground?
You think the snow is just going to stay frozen?
I don't think enough will melt to ruin the camera, no.
That's why we have the footage, dumbass.
No, we have the footage because he lived, you fucking retard.
How'd he live? I'd just like to know that.
He tucked behind the rocks.
This is in Kyrgyzstan.
And then it gets completely covered by snow.
Let's just watch it, okay? Watch.
He's so stupid.
He swam to the top after it all melted and he survived.
That's what happened.
No, that is true.
So he's kind of filming.
He's like, damn, this avalanche is kind of crazy.
It's getting pretty close.
Everyone else is in the shelter at this point.
My man is
backing up.
He's zooming out.
He keeps on moving.
This avalanche keeps on coming close.
He's like, yo, this shit's going to go viral.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute. it's coming right
Hold on
About
Yeah, at this point are you not a little bit
Running?
Oh
Okay
Oh
Crazy
Now, do you have anything to say?
Yeah, he got out
Fucking retard
Yeah, he got out
After it melted
Do we know for a fact that he got out
yes
yes
and he waited for it to melt
yes
and he swam to the top
yes
that's what happened
Dove what happened
he's behind the rocks
he said it was like
being in a blizzard
and he got out
like a rainstorm
yeah
no
is that what he said
or is this you paraphrasing
I saw
he didn't have to swim up
I saw what does that mean I? I saw. He didn't have to swim up. I saw.
What does that mean, I saw?
I saw.
You guys are amazing.
I saw.
You guys are absolutely amazing.
Is that a theory or a fact?
That's a theory.
If you're this guy, what do you do?
Try to outrun that?
Yeah.
Bro, I'm going into it.
It's like a tsunami.
You have to take the boat into it.
Okay.
And that stops it.
But a tsunami is different because that's...
A tsunami is...
That's also the worst tsunami advice.
I'm pretty sure.
Say again?
I don't think that is good advice.
If you feel a tsunami is coming,
you try to beat the...
When it breaks.
You got to take your boat.
Your boat's about to get fucked up.
You got to take it into the wave.
Exactly. Into the tidal wave. No, dead ass. That's what they do. Really? Sort of got in my life. I'm not making that up. you gotta take your boat your boat's about to get fucked up you gotta take it into the wave exactly
into the tidal wave
no dead ass
that's what they do
really
it's what I got in my life
I'm not making that up
I'm not trying to be
joking around
because your boat's gonna get destroyed
if you leave it there
and if your whole life is your boat
they basically take the boats
deep out into the sea
because you have some time
you know if a tsunami's coming
there's like a warning
because the earthquake happens
in the middle of the ocean
or whatever
the tide pulls in crazy
oh that's the other thing that's the crazy shit with tsunamis because the earthquake happens in the middle of the ocean or whatever. The tide pulls in crazy. Oh, that's the other thing.
That's the crazy shit with tsunamis.
When the tide pulls in, the boats are just on the fucking sand.
Oh, shit.
Isn't that wild?
Yeah, I did not know that.
So you're fucked.
But then you got some warning even in the city, right?
Like, everybody got to evacuate, get the fuck out of here ASAP.
That's why I fucked up when you see them motherfuckers on the island resort.
Yeah. It's like, did nobody say? Yeah, no heads up ASAP. That's why I fucked up when you see them motherfuckers on the island resort. Yeah.
It's like, did nobody say?
Yeah, no heads up or nothing.
That's crazy.
But anyway, so this one,
what were we trying to argue about?
How do you get away?
If you're this guy,
you're filming an avalanche.
I probably would have done
what he did, bro.
I didn't think there was a chance
that shit was going to come that close.
Right, it seems so far away.
Like, no shot.
Yeah.
With the tsunami, though,
is it bad that I feel like
if you know it's coming
you can kind of ride it out
Patrice
that's a Patrice
that's a great video
like I saw that tsunami
and I was like
it looked like I could have
lived through that
right
a little
it seemed like
it seemed like you just
raised your pants
it's a high one
it's a high one
but if you have a
like a vest or a boat
or some shit
yeah I think it's more like
like cars hitting you and you getting pinned under something.
Same with a tornado, I guess.
That's what kills you in a tornado.
Yeah, you getting thrown into a house.
Yeah, you just have a fucking washing machine hit your head or some shit.
Or a washing machine.
Yeah, exactly.
Like the wind, if it was just wind.
That'd be awesome.
Kind of fun.
Be awesome.
You just jump in and out of it yeah have you ever
seen a tornado in life yeah actually i have really yeah not one of them big shits but a little guy
a little twister where'd you see him long island okay i don't think that's a tornado i did i saw
one in long island bro like a water spout yeah water spout okay yeah where it's over the water
and it looks like a tornado? Yeah, because it almost
pulls up some water
until it's gone to the night.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Shit's crazy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's kind of one of my dreams.
I want to see one from far.
I want to be a storm chaser.
Have you seen the movie Twister?
No.
What?
Yeah, yeah.
This Bill Paxton, Helen Hunt?
This poor kid.
Rest in peace, R.I.P.
Oh, Bill Paxton's in it?
The fucking hell.
Now I'm definitely going to watch it.
I know it is.
Bill Paxton and Helen Hunt.
Bill Paxton and G, dude.
He's in fucking Titanic.
They have a whole
all-star cast in Twister?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guess who else is in there?
One of the original,
like the people
that are excavating Titanic.
Philip Seymour Hoffman
is in the film.
Well, now I have to see it.
Is it in theaters?
I'm definitely going to go out
and watch it now.
That was a big budget
Hollywood film.
Also, by the way,
for the avalanche,
there was only a thin layer
that ended up covering him.
Got you.
Anyway, next.
Okay.
This guy gets on an airplane,
airdrops his penis
to multiple people on the airplane,
and then allegedly gets arrested.
This is the TikTok.
Yo, pause.
I heard the video he was getting nicked.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's a video of him getting hit. Oh, really? Oh, I video he was getting necked. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, it's a video of him getting head.
Oh, really?
I thought it was just a dick pic.
Okay, first of all, a couple things with this.
Which is very different.
Yeah.
He's like, I have to see this talent.
Some of y'all's iPhones are just called iPhone.
Like, some of y'all didn't name your iPhones.
Mine is just iPhone.
It's just iPhone.
So you might be thinking you're sending it to your boys
because they just got iPhone, and then you're sending it to your boys because they just got iPhone
and then you're sending
it to other people.
On an AirDrop?
Yeah.
You can't just text your homie?
Nah, it's AirDrop, bro.
So you ever send a hand...
You know service
on a fucking plane
to send a video
of a dick suck?
I message, yo.
Pay for the Wi-Fi.
The Wi-Fi ain't strong enough
to send a full video, fam.
So I streamed
full-ass video on my plane
a couple days ago.
Yeah, but that Indian should have shot on a full video, fam. I streamed full-ass video on my plane a couple days ago. Yeah, but that Indian shit
is shot on a fucking beeper.
You could stream anything on that.
You watch Bollywood movies.
Of course you could do that.
We save money
when we know how.
That's it.
But why are you sending a video
where you're getting
your whole dick sucked
to your friend?
Because the boys like to see it.
Have you ever done that?
Yo, fuck yeah, bro.
Have you done this? If you have fuck yeah, bro. Hell yeah.
Have you done this? If you have a girl giving crazy talent,
somebody ought to see this.
It's got to apply to us
because we're one-women people.
Imagine if you just had me.
No one's ever sent me a dick suck video.
I'm going to be honest with you.
You want me to send you my dick?
I mean, bring it up.
Get it up on the screen.
Air drop it.
This is actually kind of serious.
I've sent one to you on a plane before.
No, you have not. And the fact that you serious. I've sent one to you on a plane before. No, you have not.
And the fact that you haven't received it
makes me very concerned who did.
Wait, whose dick were you sucking?
Now it's some guy like,
yo, this comedian's slipping on semen over here.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, that's good.
That's good.
No, I don't.
So here's my question about this.
This right here is illegal.
You can go to jail.
You get arrested, right?
Yeah, I think it's the dick suck instead of the,
maybe just the penis.
I don't know, but a dick suck,
that could be like a revenge porn or whatever the fuck.
Oh, you're 100% right about the revenge porn.
He can maybe get,
he can get arrested for the revenge porn, but not inconveniencing these people that he's airdropped to.
I don't know.
And here's why I'm asking.
Because on Twitter, people retweet videos of motherfuckers sucking dicks.
They were retweeting the Hunter Biden shit.
All this shit pops up on your feed.
Yeah.
Right?
So now you're forcing dick sucks into people's feeds. Yeah. Right? So now, you're forcing dick sucks into people's feeds.
Yeah.
Right?
100%.
Is that that different
than forcing dick sucks
onto their phone?
A forced dick suck
is a forced dick suck.
I think you're right.
My eyeballs can't take
that shit back.
I think you're right.
Can we see what he got charged with?
Because like,
what did he do?
Oh my God, son.
Dude, just pull him up, son.
You gotta go one way or the other. Just don't fight it.
I gotta start wearing shorts, bro.
I gotta start wearing shorts. You are.
You are.
That's something I realized when I went to Italy.
Something that just will not catch on in America.
I don't care what the fuck it is, it will never catch on.
Tight jean shorts.
Oh yeah, where they cut off right here?
They cut off right above the knee
and their skin tight. Italians love that. I don't get it.
Son, it's like... I didn't thought that was a real
thing until this moment. I swear to God.
Ferrari shoes, cut-off jean shorts. Ferrari
shoes also mad weird. Also, with the
ankle sock and the front. Like, for real,
bro? Get the low cut? This is the most
fashionable country on the planet. This is all
of them in Europe. They do it. Yeah. It's so
mind-boggling because so much fashion
is transferable, right?
There's so many things
that are kind of like
fun, interesting,
our shit to them,
them to us.
It happens all the time.
You go there,
you see chicks wearing
old metal band t-shirts
and shit, it's a vibe.
Yeah.
There's something
about Americans
where we will not,
we will wear
a cut-off jean short.
Yeah, I'll wear it.
Some white boys
will do the shit
where it's all tasseled and everything like that. I'll wear shorts cut-off jean short. Yeah, I'll wear it. Some white boys will do the shit where it's all tasseled
and everything like that.
I'll wear a jorts, yeah.
Florida.
Florida.
Florida.
We will not do the tight on purpose
with the hem.
Yep.
Yeah.
The hem is crazy.
The hem.
The hem is crazier.
Yeah.
Yeah, you got the little strings
hanging out tight.
All right.
It's like, okay.
Too tight.
That's the worst part
about liking soccer.
Why?
Is that you like these players
and you like these
you're like
and you see the way
they dress
and then you see them
dressing on the way
to the bus
and you're like
what are you doing
super A yo
it's insane
because like
every NBA player
is swagged out
no matter what
super swag
but then you look
at the soccer players
and they're just
dressed like
average Europeans
some of these NBA players
be dressing like
fucking idiots bro
they be doing a lot
what do you mean
I hate her
like the ones
that are going for it.
The ones that's trying.
Like the Russell Westbrooks.
They'd be trading like the Met Gala.
Wearing these gooky ass
Cocoa Puffs or whatever.
Get out of here.
Let them have a little fun, bro.
I don't know.
You got six turnovers, fam.
I don't need you thinking
about your outfit.
Like if you ball and dress
however the fuck you want.
Steph Curry can wear
whatever the fuck he wants.
And he don't even dress that crazy.
They should have a dress
like a wardrobe budget
depending on your last game.
Oh, that's a great move.
You can only dress up
to like how many points
you get.
You know how many more
wins teams would have
if they did that?
I'll pay for all your clothes
based on your performance.
If you had no stats
or like you played trash,
you just have to wear
like a regular outfit
like all white or some shit.
Not even all white.
White can be fashionable.
That's facts.
What do they got to wear?
They got to have
like a uniform.
Yeah, just a regular thing. Sweatsuit. That's it. Sweatsuit got to wear? They got to have a uniform. Yeah, just a regular thing.
Sweatsuit.
That's it.
Sweatsuit.
Keep it simple, bro.
Mismatching sweatsuit.
Ooh, that's far.
Gray sweatpants, black hoodie.
Whoa.
Yo, you got to show up to the game just in your shorts and jersey.
Yeah.
Why does nobody do that?
That's a funny move.
That's a funny move.
That dress up as Klay Thompson?
That was great.
Oh, that guy was amazing.
Bam for life and so worth it. And he's dressed
as Klay Thompson full uniform and he's like,
where do I park? And all the parking
attendants are like, oh yeah, Klay Thompson right over there.
This is the most fire shit. This was playoffs,
right? Yes. So he
was warming up. He's on the court warming up.
Can you think about the
fear in the heart of
the guy rebounding for him as he missed
like six threes in a row for a playoff
game. Like he put all the money on
Boston. He's calling all the
yo, Clay's off tonight. Motherfucker
is winded. We just doing layup drills.
And he looks weird too. He looks
fat. He looks drunk.
Release looks off. I don't know what's up.
He got COVID. He got full COVID. He got it, bro.
They just put all the money on Boston.
Oh, man. Yeah.
Okay.
And then, you know what you got to do if you're a rival team of Golden State, the Lakers,
whoever, you got to get the guy season tickets for life.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So he can still be at the game.
Yeah, yeah.
100%.
Send him courtside in the uniform.
Yes.
Just talking shit to Clay.
That'd be perfect.
Right next to the Warriors bench.
Have him stand up, call for the ball and shit like that.
Yeah, sub in randomly.
Who cares? Like, just be crazy. Okay, last question. Yes. right next to the Warriors bench have him stand up call for the ball and shit like that sub in randomly who cares
like just be crazy
okay last question
yes
are y'all drinking
Beyonce's piss
yeah
no no no no
you just said
you already said yes
you said yes
yeah you already said yes
you're locked in
are you in a relationship
with her
I thought you said my wife
I thought you said Beyonce
okay my bad
if it's to be her girl
her man
or girl
whatever she wants me to be
You simping?
Simping for Beyonce?
I'll be Beyonce's girl
I'll be a kept woman for Beyonce
500 million?
I'll do that
I'll say yes with no question
You say yes with no money?
Assuming we're all single
Would we drink a hot cup of Beyonce's piss?
This is coming from Kevin Gates, by the way, just for context.
Full cup?
Oh, shouts to Kevin Gates.
That guy's so goddamn entertaining.
Jesus.
Yeah.
I'd prefer it chilled.
Yeah, like a Repo?
Like a Reposada?
Yeah, on the rocks?
I would go, oh, no, if I can have it on the rocks, dude.
Yeah, oh, no, it's light.
And a splash or like a whole full cup?
What are we talking about?
Can you mix it with anything?
Is it weird I want to start drinking?
Like I literally got a feeling.
I was like, we should have a drink.
Splash of cranberry juice, maybe some Red Bull.
No, you can't mix it with anything.
You can't.
Yeah, don't mix.
Don't mix.
Yo, I heard urine can have like healing things.
I said that to my wife when I pissed all over her ass.
And she got a jellyfish bite.
Think about that.
It heals for jellyfishes.
Yeah,
when I dumped a hot piss on her ass
to save her
from a jellyfish,
which still has a fucking
scar from it.
You didn't pee enough.
You don't heal soon.
That's on you, bro.
Is that normal?
Jellyfish stings?
Like, they last that long?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Really?
I'd just be saying that shit, though.
I'm gonna be honest with you. Fuck you, bro. Really? I'd just be saying that shit though.
I'm going to be honest with you.
Fuck you, bro.
But I think that's on you.
Why don't you do more to pee or something?
So if I peed more, it would have burned her less?
Well, I don't know.
Yeah, maybe pee or- I think you just got to keep peeing on her.
Some other substances.
I don't want to make this, guys.
I don't want to make this about my wife and me saving her and how I'm a hero.
I'd rather make this more just about Beyonce's urine.
Are we talking about
a double shot
of Beyonce's piss?
Ice,
rocks,
glass,
sip,
casually.
With the twisty oranges on it?
And a straw.
You want garnish.
You're not going to go raw.
We got to go raw.
Yeah, you should make it look nice.
Martini glass.
You got to, come on.
That'll be some class.
Yeah, you fucking up the flavor, bro.
You got to get into the flavor of it.
It's like a whiskey.
I want her dehydrated low-key.
You want it aged?
I want her dehydrated.
I want that shit coming out like Gatorade, bro.
I want that shit orange Gatorade.
Shaken, not stirred, right?
That's it.
And don't, I want her to shake first, then pee.
Like, shaken within her body.
Oh, that's fire.
Yes.
No, that's's now we're
having fun now we're having fun yeah yeah do that then you drop a hot piss onto a rock one rock one
of the big blocks like yes oh they chipped it inside the bar i don't want it to yeah i don't
want to oh yeah like they cut it themselves that morning 100 and i want to hit the rock and be like
splattering out cause problems i want the bartender to be cleaning that shit up.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
You wouldn't do bottled.
You would do a draft.
Or I would do like a, like a Poland spring with a sport top.
Do you like a sport top?
Only if it's Beyonce's piss.
That's an exception.
Feels more lifelike that way.
Yeah.
I streamed at your face.
That's why I don't like a sport top.
I really don't like a sport top.
Cause it reminds you too much of piss.
It just feels like you're sucking on this nipple thing.
It feels too weird to me.
And you also got to squeeze it and squirt it out.
I don't believe in a sport top.
He had issues when he was a kid.
How cat-like is this guy?
That's the same reason I don't like an over-easy egg.
Some deep-seated shit right here.
An over-easy egg is too cummy to me.
Slipping on semen, bro.
What is over-easy?
You ever eat an over-easy egg? Which one is over-easy egg is too cummy to me. Slipping on semen, bro. What is over-easy? You ever eat an over-easy egg?
Which one is over-easy?
That's like when it's super slippery in the middle.
Oh, like the pure yolk untouched?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sunny side up?
Yeah, exactly, yeah.
And it's just, you're slipping on breakfast and shit.
You ever do that?
I love a loose egg.
Hey, yo.
No, you cannot.
I'm not done yet.
I'm not done yet.
I'm not done yet.
Be done, though.
I pop that shit.
Pause, though. I take all the other stuff on the plate, and I'm not done yet. I'm not done yet. I'm not done yet. Be done though. I pop that shit. Pause though.
I take all the other stuff
on the plate
and I dip it into that.
That's wildness.
No, that's wildness.
That's wildness though.
I'll do that.
That's fine.
Do that with a burger?
Yeah.
Oh, I want that shit
dripping on my burger.
Actually, okay,
because egg tastes good
with other shit.
Like an egg on top
of an avocado toast
or whatever.
So that's your idea.
Egg by itself is wild.
That's my point.
No, no, no, no.
This guy,
every day
at the first three years
of the podcast
used to eat
two deviled eggs
and what was the fucking thing?
Not deviled eggs.
Hard-boiled eggs.
What is a deviled egg?
I didn't know it was a different
stuff.
Does anyone know what that is?
I don't know what a deviled egg is.
It's an egg from a rooster.
That's true.
I've seen it.
You're speaking about semen.
That was a great line-up.
But in all seriousness,
going back to your issues
with liquid.
Sport top or over easy?
No, the egg.
I'm just saying,
like, with the egg,
you have an aversion to it
because it reminds you of semen.
Yes.
And I don't know why
that's in my head
that I know what semen feels like,
but every time I eat an egg,
I go, this is it.
That's mad gay, bro.
What is it? You eat over easy eggs. You eat over easy eggs. That's gayer.
Yeah, but you're thinking about semen every time you're eating eggs, bro.
Well, now you are also.
No, I'm not.
Yes, you are. Next time you have an over easy egg, just think of me.
Eggs is pure feminine.
Yo, my name.
Eggs is the most feminine food.
Quickly, I'm going to take the eggs down, bro.
Like a single good good.
You're like, Papa, that's your spinach.
Let's go out.
Okay, okay.
Here's something.
You mentioned that egg tastes great with other things, but not by itself.
Correct.
Salt.
Yeah.
Put it on something.
Yes.
Unbelievable.
Yeah. Incredible. Yes Unbelievable Incredible Makes
It extracts all the flavors
Makes the flavors so much better
It's the best thing you've ever tried
You're like
By itself
You just described all seasoning
It's just
All seasoning
It's so stupid
All of them
Hold on one second
White people learn about seasoning
White people learn about seasoning
Hold on one second
I'm not done yet
I'm not done yet Lowry's Hold on I'm not done yet. I'm not done yet.
Have you heard of Lowry's?
Hold on.
I'm not done yet.
You take Lowry's?
You put it on anything?
No, this is actually fascinating.
But if you take a spoonful of Lowry's.
No one likes Lowry's alone.
I was eating saffron just out of the tin.
If my wife made a marinade, puts the chicken in the marinade.
Yes.
Uh-huh.
I tried some of that marinade. Yeah, keep going. It was disgusting. I couldn't eat it. Yes. Uh-huh. I tried some of that marinade.
Yeah, keep going.
It was disgusting.
I couldn't eat it.
Yeah.
After letting it sit in the marinade
and then cooking the chicken,
the chicken had so much flavor.
Yeah.
It was unbelievable.
What?
It was unbelievable.
Wait, wait.
You drank the marinade after
it had the raw chicken in it?
No, right before, prior.
That's a lie.
That's a big-ass lie.
You were about to die.
He's like, I caught my man lying.
You got fucking salamander right now.
You're full of it.
Guys, guys, another thing.
Okay.
Yo, he's going to describe more seasoning.
That's all he's doing is, yo, yo, anytime you have spice by itself,
no good.
Have you been eating
it by itself
the whole time?
What is that?
Have you been doing
spice by itself
the whole time?
This is why
British people
didn't bring spice
back from India.
They went to India?
All spice,
all seasoning.
Okay, butter, right?
You take a bite of butter,
it is not very good.
Yeah, it's super bad.
I've known that
butter alone is alright.
Were you one of those
kids who would just
suck on the stick?
What? Yeah, that shit is something to suck on. Yo, that is weird. Yeah, it's super bad. I've done that before. Nah, butter alone is alright. Nah, were you one of those kids who would just suck on the stick? What?
Yeah, that shit is...
Yo, that is weird.
Butter you could eat by itself.
Now, butter by itself...
Unsalted.
Nah.
Nah.
So, then by itself.
One time, someone ate butter in my house
and my mom measured all of our teeth
to see who did it.
That's a weird story.
All of your teeth?
Yeah, she took the bite mark
out of the butter.
She was like, come over here. I gotta see if it was your teeth she took the bite mark out of the bucket she was like come over here
I gotta see if it was
your teeth
that took the bite
or if it was Emily
that took the bite
that's a true story bro
and you got like
seven brothers
and sisters
so it's mad measurements
we did the lineup
we did a whole lineup
who was it
it wasn't me bro
you would tell
my teeth would take
that whole shit out hold on so wait who was it i think it was emily oh my god that is hysterical
made you bite another thing how does she measure another stick of butter no no she just kind of
held it up was like yep it fits like when you measure keys but you kind of just like hold them
up to each other you know i mean that is crazy. Seems like a very
inexact science too.
What happened to her?
What happened to her for that?
She got,
they killed her.
That's true.
Gunshot to the head,
like you said.
Son,
discipline is important, bro.
Yes.
Discipline is very important.
Okay.
Last food thing.
Okay.
This is it.
I've been hanging out
with Blister Peppers, bro.
You feel like,
I feel like you know a lot about food. I know about food, man. I'm out here in the world.
Is this salt?
This is why they didn't bring spices from India.
I'm telling you. British people went to India
and they were like, yeah, this tikka is not really that
good. We don't like it. They're like, well, how are you eating?
They're like, spoonfuls.
That's what we're doing.
Mix it with some water and bring it down.
Now, yo, you think salt
is crazy. Pepper with shit?
I think pepper with shit? Pepper with shit
is berserk,
bro.
Like,
also,
like,
sometimes my girl
will do this fancy shit
where she'll,
like,
take salt
and pepper.
Wow.
Wow.
Yo,
you ever fuck with a bay leaf?
Fam.
Yo,
a bay leaf?
Don't get it.
He started it
with a bay leaf,
bro,
and just leave it in the sauce.
And there's a crazy thing.
You don't even eat it.
It's in there?
Sometimes you do
and that shit tastes horrible.
I have.
No.
I have.
You're not supposed to eat it.
I have.
You're not supposed to eat it.
You've been eating it the whole time?
You ate a real one.
A real one eats it.
I have.
I do think Indian shit is like,
you'll not eat it.
What do you mean?
You eat a bay leaf?
Do you ever eat the bay leaf, Shub?
We don't know what to eat and not eat.
It's in the pot.
It's edible.
Thank you.
And we've been cooking with bay leaves heller.
You don't waste no food, bro.
I ate like a fucking, what's that shit called?
Nutmeg?
Yeah, yeah.
I think I ate that once.
You're slipping on it?
What are you?
No, bro.
He ate the Rikers
I remember that
it was on the floor
all over the floor
nutmeg
yeah
nah nah
what about vanilla
you fucked with vanilla
or what
yo here's
vanilla's crazy expensive
no one talks about that
yo but also
nobody talks about
vanilla
distinctly different
flavor from vanilla
yeah
oh okay
this is like a
Mandela effect then is it yeah i
don't know how that applies but continue one of you just change flavors over time vanilla has
shifted i don't think it's mandela effect though it is it is because as a kid you think oh it's
baron stain bears now it's actually baron steam bears you know what i mean the fuck is going on
here you know about that effect you don't know what Mandela effect is?
No.
It's proof that we're living in a different dimension.
He's doing too much.
There's a multiverse thing.
I don't know if you heard this.
We all for a while thought Nelson Mandela was dead.
It wasn't a thing.
Somehow we all just believed it and he wasn't dead.
And then another example is, do you remember that book we read as kids?
The Berenstain Bears, we all called it.
It's actually the Berenstain Bears.
None of us know that.
We all just called it Berenstain.
And there's a bunch of things like that. And vanilla used to taste different when you were a kid. And now you taste it and you're like, we all called it. It's actually the Berenstain Bears. None of us know that. We all just called it Berenstain. And there's a bunch of things like that.
And vanilla used to taste different when you were a kid,
and now you taste it and you're like, that's not vanilla.
In all seriousness, are we wrapping this up?
Yes.
I'll drink Beyonce's pee.
You would?
Yeah.
I think it would give me healing powers.
Here's an honest question.
Do you know those purifying straws that they give to people in different countries
where they need clean drinking water?
Light straws.
You have one?
Yeah, in my prep kit.
God damn it, Dove.
In LA, we had earthquake kits.
Earthquakes.
Scariest thing that exists on the planet.
Earthquakes.
Give that to somebody who actually needs it.
Yeah, man.
Do you think you could drink pure urine
out of a life straw and it's just water?
Yeah.
That's a great question, actually.
Wait a minute.
It's just water?
Or could you just drink urine out of a straw?
Wait. I missed the question.
Wait, what were you asking?
Were you asking how you have fun on like a weekend or something like that?
Yeah, you get the sport cap, throw some pee in there.
You're having a party.
No, I'm saying you get a life straw that can now, it purifies all the water.
This could solve the water crisis.
Real talk.
You literally drink out of like a,
so they'll give it to someone.
What about salt water?
Why it got to be urine?
Why don't we just do it with salt water?
Because,
duh,
you could do it with salt water.
We're trying to have fun,
I thought.
My question is,
could you do it,
if you,
this is what the company CEO should do
as proof because I believe in my product so much.
I'm going to have my friend pee in this cup,
Beyonce maybe,
and I'm going to drink it
with the Life Strong.
That's a win-win.
And it's going to be water.
And if it's not water
it's even better
yeah
you could do that
as like an actual promotion
and I wanna do it
on this show
oh that's fucking good
we're gonna get a LifeStraw
we're all gonna pee in it
I'm gonna drink it
the answer's no
because that LifeStraw
removes like
it's an antimicrobial
it doesn't remove
the salts from pee
and all the other shit
oh it just removes the microbes the microbes it doesn't remove the salts from pee and all the other shit oh it just removes
the microbes
the microbes
all the stuff
but the salt in pee
isn't bad
salt is amazing
we already discussed this
that's the best part
we're all salt fans
like no one here
doesn't like salt
I know
it can't change
the pH of the water
so it's gonna taste like pee
so what do they do
if they give them
to someone in a country
where they need water
like what are they what is it good if they give them to someone in a country where they need water?
What is it good for?
If it's just slightly worse water?
How y'all not got water, bro?
Think about how much water I have, bro.
I turn my faucet on.
It's unlimited water.
But not even that.
Just dig down.
It's underneath, right?
Go to the ocean.
Figure it out.
Not even that.
If you go down, eventually you get water right
sometimes
when do you not
you're on a mountain
in the desert
you're on a mountain
I think in the desert
they got that shit bro
yeah how do you think
cactuses are living now
that's not from that
that's from the moisture
in the air at night
but that's how like
if you take salt water
and you heat it
and then the condensation
that goes on like
I don't know
it's kind of suck
when you try to sit here
and shit
and then he knows
the real reason.
I should be cutting the legs out from under you.
Why can't I drink pee?
Sometimes you need to get the legs cut, bro.
Why can't I drink pee out of a straw?
Look, you can.
You're going to be judged by society for it.
But I don't think that that should stop you from doing something.
I'm not going to put it on my iCloud or something crazy.
You know what I mean?
I'm going to keep it in the tub.
That you definitely shouldn't.
All right, guys.
Listen.
Thank you so much for tuning in
Thank you so much
For going to get the special
Thank you for everybody
Who already got it
Thank you for the people
That are going to get it
I appreciate y'all so much
We do
We appreciate y'all so much
And thank you for listening to the pod
We will see you
Very soon
Peace