Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - If Her Pubes Aren't Shaved She Loves You

Episode Date: March 30, 2020

What up people, Schulzy here. We switching things up today. Felt like we needed some conversation. Sat down with Mark Gagnon and we pondered some unanswered life questions, like WHY we obey the law, H...OW to live without regret, and WHY long pubes mean she loves you. INDULGE!

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Starting point is 00:00:00 what's up everybody hope you're having a good day hope your day was better than it was yesterday and the day before hope we're improving um i'm out here i'm a little hot not because the flames are on the sweater you know let me get ready let me do this we're gonna switch things up today you know i realized that uh i was doing Corona's Got Talent. If you guys haven't seen that show, it's the most dangerous talent show on the Internet. Go check it out on Instagram live. But I was doing I realized, man, I love this show for a reason, man. I love this show because I actually get to talk to the people. I miss talking to you. I miss I right now I'm talking at you, but I miss talking
Starting point is 00:00:46 to you and talking with you, and so today we tried to do a little YouTube live, we didn't have the equipment to do it right, but we're gonna get that so we could do it, because I want to talk to you, I want to like see these comments, and I want to respond to these comments, and I figured today we switched it up a little bit, I figured today we have a little conversation, you guys can eavesdrop in on it, I'm curious your thoughts, you know, leave it in the comments, we're always looking in the comments, but I want to bring my boy Mark Gagnon on set with me, and have a little discussion, because I've been having a lot of free time, and free time is good and bad for my brain, because it lets it just ponder on on the weird shit and the wonderful shit and um i just want to i want to dig deep i want to philosophize
Starting point is 00:01:31 with my man mark very smart guy very funny guy and uh i hope we can open up this discussion to some of y'all hopefully you guys got some pov on these things Mark, why don't you come in here and join me? And let's have a little combo for the people. Look at Mark, swagged out, had no clue he was going to be on camera today, but came ready. It's just the everyday fit. Bro, you know what these ladies say? They say, stay ready so you don't got to get ready. Have you heard that? No, but I live that though. You live that life. Yeah. If you ever hooked up with a girl and, well, I mean, you have a girlfriend, obviously, but you hook up with a girl and she's completely shaved, right? Legs shaved, nails done, everything like that, but she doesn't have a boyfriend or anything else.
Starting point is 00:02:15 You're like, what is the purpose of this? Right. Right? Like, did you know that you were going to hook up with me tonight? You didn't know who I was. We just met. Right. Right? know that you were going to hook up with me tonight you didn't know who i was we just met right right you went through a huge getting ready process to maybe get dick how many women are in a maybe get dick situation no no no maybe get dick not in terms of if they could girls can always get dick yes i'm talking about maybe get dick Meaning maybe they'll choose To let somebody give them dick
Starting point is 00:02:46 So Anytime I met a girl That was like Everything was done perfectly My theory is I'm either like Wait a minute Are you either
Starting point is 00:02:53 In a relationship Or Did you decide That tonight was dick night I think so right And doesn't that take away Some of the joy Of the chase
Starting point is 00:03:03 So you don't You never have really of the joy of the chase? So you never have really had the chase. I don't really think. Explain your situation because I think you have a fascinating situation. I don't even know if the chase is like a thing. Like the whole thing to me feels contrived already. Mark is like gay. I think that's the term. No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:03:23 No, no, no. Mark is like a faithful man. Yeah. Who never really indulged in just fuckboy behavior. Yeah, no. You never really had a fuckboy phase. Young in your years. Not even through college.
Starting point is 00:03:43 No. No, nothing fuckboy. You never filled the void with pussy if you will correct i think obviously that is the uh addiction of the fuck boy right there's a void instead of hitting the heroin or snorting a coke it's like let me try to fuck some girls and that will make me feel whole yes right you never had that for some people that might be the case yeah for others what you think is just fun to fuck maybe it's just fun maybe there's like cognitive dissonance where they think that this is like what they're supposed to do to fit in i think it's like probably multifaceted but for some people it's probably like the desire to be wanted and so they just
Starting point is 00:04:16 like go fuck whoever if they can explain cognitive dissonance to the people like it's those of you at home that did not go to psych 101 cognitive dissonance is like you believe one thing but you operate in a different way and your brain needs to find a way to justify those actions find justification for it so when you feel a way but you act differently yeah um so it's like i shouldn't do this thing but i'm gonna do it anyway and it's okay because of filling in the the gap so then your brain starts to justify the action right right your brain goes oh i guess i don't feel that way right i guess i really like doing this because i'm doing it yes there was uh i don't want to talk about benjamin franklin anymore
Starting point is 00:04:56 by the way because i guess i said he was the fucking president one of the best presidents bro he was the president of something this is the thing that invented electricity who do you lose to this is the thing that bugs me is people like invented electricity who did he lose to this is the thing that bugs me people are like he wasn't the president you're like do you even know
Starting point is 00:05:07 a president I was talking about he was probably the president of some academic society he was the president of his book club bail me out
Starting point is 00:05:14 the president of his house bail me out so what like how are you gonna say you said he was a good president
Starting point is 00:05:19 son I did mean president of the United States but I appreciate you bailing me out I appreciate you bailing me out dog but um I said Ben Franklin was president which is a really reasonable guess like if that shit I did mean president of the United States, but I appreciate you bailing me out. I appreciate you bailing me out, dog. But I said Ben Franklin was president,
Starting point is 00:05:29 which is a really reasonable guess. Like if that shit was on the can you be an American citizen test, a lot of people would fail that one. Yeah. He's on the best bill. Yeah, that's true. Like how you put the non-president, he invented electricity.
Starting point is 00:05:40 Like that's very American. We love electricity. What was that? Yeah. Cogn cognitive dissonance yeah okay i i don't know if it's ben franklin now i'm freaking out maybe it's thomas jefferson i don't know maybe it's edison maybe it's fucking edison one of these motherfuckers what they would do is ask their enemies if they could borrow a book from them okay so say you and i hate each other i know you hate me i go hey, can I borrow that book that you got?
Starting point is 00:06:08 And then you would lend me the book because you don't want to be a dick. Right. Cognitive dissonance starts to kick in. What is cognitive dissonance? When your actions don't match your feelings. I don't like you, but I'm behaving in a way that I do like you. So? What does my brain do? Your brain goes, I guess I like this motherfucker.
Starting point is 00:06:22 Oh, shit. Yes. Good tool. Oh, shit. Yes. Good tool. That's tricky. If you understand cognitive dissonance, you can flip a friendship or an enemy to a friendship rather. I mean, you borrow a book and then just look like a queer. Can I borrow a book? What are you, gay?
Starting point is 00:06:40 You reading? How'd you go out and get some pussy like a man? Yeah. All right. You reading? Why don't you go out and get some pussy like a man? Yeah. All right. So you're in that situation, right? I think we got here through what guys were chasing, et cetera. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:55 Right? Why did I bring that up? Look ready so you don't have to get ready. Oh, yeah. So I wonder if it takes away a little bit of the joy. Like I remember a girl telling me once that she hooked up with a guy because her cat died. Right. And that guy was probably thinking, yo, I kicked the best game to this girl. You know, I mean, she was all over me.
Starting point is 00:07:17 She wanted so bad. My pickup lines were amazing. This, that, the other. These are my lucky genes. Right. And this whole time, there's just a dead cat in her garbage bag her pussy dies so now someone's got to murder her pussy like that's all that happened in that situation
Starting point is 00:07:33 clear that's what happened yes dude so i wonder much of that, and we never think of it. Maybe it's refreshing. Whoa, here we go. Ladies listening. When you hook up with a guy and you have a little like, you know, growth, you have a little of that hair growth back in, that like five o'clock shadow, that Enrique Iglesias, right? Girls are embarrassed about it. But maybe that's the best compliment to a dude.
Starting point is 00:08:07 Oh, because it's like, look, I did not expect to be in the situation tonight. But you. But you made me feel a different type of way. Hey. I had to switch up the whole game. My cat is alive. The cat's alive. But I want you to kill it.
Starting point is 00:08:20 Yeah. I want it. I want it bad. So maybe there's that thing. Maybe that's the best compliment. Just keep it ranked down there. Not keep it ranked, but don't be embarrassed if you haven't shaved because truly that means our game works. If you came out prim, proper, ready to go, we know what you wanted.
Starting point is 00:08:42 Ah, right, right, right. You know, when a girl's like, ah, I didn't shave shave my legs but she still wants to do something it's like oh okay so you hook up with some girl she's got mismatched bra and panties she's wearing some dude's boxers wait what what she's like just pull the tampon out get it in there i need you that's when i'll know like wow i met my wife that's game she just wraps the tampon around her finger yanks it out, let's go. Like she's draining a bathtub. Drain the bathtub, babe.
Starting point is 00:09:14 Dude, girls need more sayings like that. You know how, like, if you go to any, like, working class town, and this is anywhere from fucking, like, England, Ireland, Boston, the South, they have these great sayings. The whole South. Yeah, the whole South. But you know how there's these great sayings? Yeah. You know, like drain the bathtub.
Starting point is 00:09:36 I don't know if that is one. Right, right. That's probably your reference. Not your cousin if it feels good. Like those kinds of things. Yeah. Yeah. 100%.
Starting point is 00:09:43 Who's bringing that talent to Corona's Got Talent? Wait, that's a talent? Oh, yeah, dude. Oh, my God. I didn't know I was so talented, bro. So, yeah. So, it's like maybe there's something. Maybe there's something to that.
Starting point is 00:10:00 Like maybe girls need more of those sayings. Maybe they need those like fun little isms that we've used to describe shit because what sayings do we have we have like bro we're non-stop slang that's what guys do when we hang out we find slang we find different ways to say shit how do we make each other laugh at the same thing over and over it there's only so many things that make grass on the field play play ball. Got to third base. I stole first. What? You never heard that one?
Starting point is 00:10:30 No. I stole a kiss? Is that when you do like the fake cheek thing and then when you go in? Yeah. Really? No, I just made that up. Stealing fourth, though? Stealing fourth is.
Starting point is 00:10:40 Yeah, that's not good. You have never heard it like that. That's not good. You have never heard it like that. That's Sicilian. All right. Okay. So here's something that was pondering, Mark. What's that? Because now that shit is kind of about to go down with Corona,
Starting point is 00:10:59 I think eventually what happens is when people run out of money, you get to see what morality really exists. Like I think it's easy to have morality and luxury. Yeah. Right? You live in luxury. You can say what is good, what isn't good, just about anything. Right.
Starting point is 00:11:14 Notice like the more money everybody has, the more luxury everybody has, the more rights everybody has. Yeah. We're worried about like trans bathrooms. We're worried about all these like little fringe things, right? Because everything is so good. It's like we might as well make it good for you. Yeah, leadership and luxury isn't leadership. Go again?
Starting point is 00:11:32 Leadership and luxury. You ever heard that? No, who said that? I forget. I don't know. I've heard it. Leadership and luxury isn't leadership. Yeah, it's easy to lead the people of luxury.
Starting point is 00:11:41 Actually, I'd give a little pushback in that. What's that? I don't know if everybody is on the same page. I think in a lot of ways it's actually easier to lead people in times of strife because no matter what you're going through, you all want one thing. But in terms of your actual leadership abilities is easier in times of luxury. Go on that. So if everything is good, it of like luxury go on that so if everything's good it's
Starting point is 00:12:06 like your leadership is like oh yeah well there's we don't have to worry about food like the problems are are smaller compared to trying to let our society or our like group yeah you can keep the country going to keep the business going when times are good i think it's easy to lead interesting i think it's easier to keep things fine when times are good. Right. But if you notice, before this last month,
Starting point is 00:12:30 it was the best time in history, right? And the country's tearing apart at the seams. Right. Right? So it's like... Which, again,
Starting point is 00:12:36 I don't even know if it necessarily is or was. That's debatable. That's debatable. I don't think it really is, but I think we just need something. I just think when times are really good,
Starting point is 00:12:44 you can get really specific and nuanced in terms of how you feel about the world. Right. So it's harder to lead these two people who feel completely different about different things. You're somebody who really cares about environmental shit because you live in San Diego right on the water and you see the water rising. That's taking up part of your property. So you're like, fuck, I want my property. But then there's somebody in Alabama who just wants a coal mine or whatever to be open again. Sure.
Starting point is 00:13:08 Right? So how do I lead both of those people? When everybody's poor and fucked, you just got to go, hey, I'm going to make you guys not poor and fucked. And then those two people who care about majority different things are like, all right, bet. Right. Lead us. So maybe the focus is more clear and easier,
Starting point is 00:13:26 but the actual ability to do it as a leader I think is more difficult. Okay, fair enough. So anyway, as you were. Yes, that's right, because you need a specific guy who could get that going. Yeah. Right, okay. So what I'm starting to wonder is, like, why do we obey the law? is like, why do we obey the law?
Starting point is 00:13:50 Do we obey the law because we have this intrinsic morality that dictates our actions? Or do we obey the law because of consequence? Right. And now we're about to enter a situation, I think, where you're going to see way less police out there, no security guards out there. You're going to see way more opportunities to there no security guards out there you're gonna see way more Opportunities to break the law with zero recourse right they're not punishing petty theft. They're not punishing anything
Starting point is 00:14:12 That's like not a felony apparently right now So you can walk into CVS and steal some Snickers and walk out and they'll do nothing to you right because they can't right We're about to see How we truly feel about the law what laws we think are okay breaking and what laws we deep down feel like are wrong yeah so what do you think dictates it so i mean morality or consequence or maybe a combination i think a combination this is like a thing i forget who i think thomas hobbs you ever heard of him? He's a philosopher. He says like-
Starting point is 00:14:46 Calvin and Hobbes. The great Calvin Hobbes. Is that what it is? I don't remember. Cartoon. Calvin and Hobbes. The tiger guy? The original Tiger King.
Starting point is 00:14:57 Oh, yeah, dude. Calvin was a tiger during this. He's like, motherfucker, I was playing with tigers. He looks like him a little bit. He got spiky blonde hair. That might have been the original Tiger King bro Calvin
Starting point is 00:15:07 we need to make the sketch Calvin is tight and also why is Calvin peeing on everything you ever seen this did he there's like all these
Starting point is 00:15:13 stickers of like Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes this is a complete tangent uh huh but like it's like a trope or like you see like trucks down
Starting point is 00:15:20 where I'm from in Florida where it's like Calvin like pissing on stuff interesting you never seen this no what do you think it is? What does 4chan have to say? No.
Starting point is 00:15:27 I gotta do some research. See what you can do when you're not chasing pussy all the time? No, dude. He's just going 4chan. Yeah. Now I get it, Mark.
Starting point is 00:15:36 He's chasing dick, dude. I understand why you're so smart. You had time to look shit up when we were looking up pussy. Yeah. No, he says it's like covenants of trust. So it's basically like all the people have to buy into the covenant of trust in order for the thing to actually work.
Starting point is 00:15:51 And then as soon as you have people not buying in, then you have basically like a moral run on the banks. Okay. Ooh, I love that. A moral run on the banks. So it's like, why do we stop at lights when they turn red? Because we have this covenant of trust of like, I'm going to stop when it's red. Because when it's red for you, you're going to stop. And in order for both of us to be happy, we both need to stop when it turn red because we have this covenant trust that like I'm going to stop when it's red because when it's red for you, you're going to stop
Starting point is 00:16:06 and in order for both of us to be happy, we both need to stop when it's red. So it's not about the punishment. You think it's about the fact that everyone else is also doing it.
Starting point is 00:16:15 Right. So very similar to like staying indoors. You don't feel that bad going to the park when you go to the park and it's packed with people. And packed with people.
Starting point is 00:16:22 If you go to the park and you're the only one there, then you might start thinking, oh shit shit maybe we're supposed to be inside and then slowly that's how like you have like moral erosion so obviously like going to the park is not a moral issue in the time of quarantine depending on who you ask yeah but if you have like three people at the park and then you'll have five and you'll have 10 and then 20 and then you have a park full of people yes and like And like it happens slowly, but it's also exponential. Interesting.
Starting point is 00:16:49 But then there's the other side of it where it's like morality might be like. This is the normalization argument, right? Right, where like you normalize certain things. By doing them. Right, or by like affirming them or by not condemning them. Yes. Right. Okay. So I don't know exactly where I stand because at the same time,
Starting point is 00:17:01 like some morality has to be exogenous or outside of us. Right. Because if it was completely man-made, then we'd be able to forgive our own transgressions. Yeah. You know what I mean? Good example. So let's say- If we all felt like we wanted to kill somebody, and then someone killed somebody, we'd be
Starting point is 00:17:16 like, oh yeah, I know what that feeling's like. Right. If we dictate our own morality, then we could be able to forgive the things that we've done hypothetically. Go. I don't know like if let's say hypothetically the things that we say are immoral we create it so like immoral like like rape yeah like most cultures would agree rape is immoral in pretty much all in all cases yeah so it's like if you say that those things are immoral and then someone transgresses those
Starting point is 00:17:43 things like they rape someone right it's an unforgivable thing and like if they truly did rape them then they should go and get punished right but hypothetically i think like if if that came from inside of us and we're the ones that dictated the law and created the law like nothing out of no natural law yeah then we should be able to forgive it and like look past it if it is truly endogenous or inside of us right i don't think that's the case you don't no what do you think is the case i don't know exactly okay i don't know i don't know exactly where morality comes from okay but like as far as the legal thing i think all the civil laws will kind of go out the window
Starting point is 00:18:22 once what are civil laws so like people getting tickets and like oh but those are already gone yeah exactly right well those are just in a time of luxury right nobody's getting tickets right now right right like i'm i literally ran a red light on my motorcycle my electric bike well you can't run red lights on bikes i have a motorcycle it's a motorcycle okay i ran a red light in front of a cop and the cop didn't give a fuck so when when you pedaled the red light he didn't say anything i didn't pedal it that's that was another thing i was pushing on my um gas my gas thing whatever that thing is i was gassing it i was gassing up the bike i was gassing the bike and i went right by him and he's looking at me
Starting point is 00:19:01 like i'm not gonna get coronavirus for this fucking 30 ticket or whatever would they so okay so there's no punishment for it that makes perfect sense now laws usually we uh would say are a reflection of the people yeah i think so the more crazy the people usually the more strict the law the more calm, usually the more lenient the laws. You go up to like Norway and shit like that, right? Nobody's really doing anything wrong. So they're like, oh, you killed somebody? Nah, five years, you'll figure it out. You'll be back, right?
Starting point is 00:19:34 You go down to the Middle East where you have like biblical law, right? Which was used to basically calm down and suppress wild behavior between humans. Right? Like, A, don't do this. You're stealing. I'm cutting your fucking hand off. Because motherfuckers are stealing out there. Right.
Starting point is 00:19:52 Right? So it's a reflection of the people and the behavior of the people. It might be a reflection of trust. Go on. So I've heard this argument before. I don't know if I necessarily do it because the slippery slope of it is like real white nationalistic. Right. But it's like. can you not use the word slopes right now bro it's a tough time dude with the coronavirus the chinese pirate bro you can't oh that's a racial
Starting point is 00:20:15 term for asians you didn't know is it really yeah i've never heard that before yeah for real they love skiing yes i love learning new racial slurs dude dude. It's my favorite thing. The slippery slopes. All right, go on. That's just them driving. No. So, like, I've heard the argument that, like, morality is easier in places that are more homogenous. So, like, if everyone's the same, then there's more of, like, a cultural trust. And with more cultural trust, there has to be fewer laws in order to enact that trust. So if you live in a community of all people that believe the same thing as you,
Starting point is 00:20:50 then perhaps it's easier to be like, I'll leave my door unlocked because everyone in my community is Christian and they're not going to steal from me. Yes. Potentially. So with these old biblical laws, it was in times where you have these warring tribes and you have all these different types of people i assume i don't necessarily know but the laws were for your own group of people right right like old testament laws were for jews they weren't for anybody else new testament laws were for christians they weren't for anybody else i wonder if they were
Starting point is 00:21:20 living so close together possibly yeah i mean there were laws that dictated your behavior towards somebody else right right like i think in the quran it's like uh treat an alien like they're one of your own oh i've never heard that right so basically if like you come over to this group if you're from not if you're not from here hey treat them like they're a decent person regardless of where they are huh yeah and i think you see certain certain things like this like permeate the culture right like you ever go to like a muslim person's house yeah it's the best dinner i've ever had yeah exactly so okay fine so i mean i've heard that argument where i'm like yeah but as far as like the norway thing is that potentially
Starting point is 00:22:01 like the reason why it is like why they evolved morally the way it is i don't know all i'm trying to figure out is well maybe there's another thing where it's like they've they're living in luxury so like why are you even breaking the law maybe it's a function of luxury maybe it's a function of wealth it's like what are you doing robbing like we're gonna give you money you're poor we'll give you you don't have to rob the store the government is going to hand you a check because you are poor we're going to give you a house you literally don't need to rob
Starting point is 00:22:30 matter of fact if it was up to me I would be way more strict because of how much support you get from the government we're literally creating a society where you do not have to rob or steal
Starting point is 00:22:39 so if you do that chop the fucking hand off do you think America like in America though there's still a a need or a desire to steal in order to survive? Maybe not survive, so to say. But I think people are in certain situations where they'll need to do it on a week-to-week basis. You know what I mean? Clock in.
Starting point is 00:23:02 No, like you got kids, right? It's like you lost your job you got kids you live week to week there's no money you need to feed the fucking kids you go do it you think that happens i think so maybe i'd be surprised about no food or like no extended family maybe you don't have a lot of friends in the area you need to feed them so you steal some fucking pampers some milk from the store i'm not talking about like you're shooting people to make money but you're stealing goods so you can survive now pampers, some milk from the store. I'm not talking about like you're shooting people to make money, but you're stealing goods so you can survive.
Starting point is 00:23:27 Now, does your kid need to wear pampers? No. She could shit in an old white T-shirt. Right. But we like and are accustomed to like certain luxuries. Maybe. Yeah. I would be surprised if that was in any way a significant minority even.
Starting point is 00:23:42 It's small. You just ask if anybody. Right, right. It's a small amount of people. Fair. My thinking is, I think when times get rough like this, and I'm concerned,
Starting point is 00:23:54 but I think you start to like really test a culture. Right. Right? Like you were saying like leadership, right? Yeah, yeah. Gets tested. It's really hard to lead when times are rough. I think culture gets tested when times are rough.
Starting point is 00:24:06 Oh, yeah. Like, what do we really believe in? Like, it's easy to be like, oh, Americans, we're hardworking, we're this, we're that. Like, we believe in freedom. Like, we're all about this freedom shit. We're like, freedom, you know, there's no price on freedom. $1,200 is the price. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:21 Go inside. No! Here's $1,200. Okay. Yeah. Like, we want security, number one. Even if you go to prison, if you just pay a certain amount of money, you don't go to prison anymore.
Starting point is 00:24:33 What do you mean? Like, if you get bailed out. That's what bail is. Yeah. Whereas, I mean, obviously, you go to get prosecuted, but it's like, if you go to prison, they're like, you're in jail. And you're like, well, can I be free? They're like, yeah, just pay.
Starting point is 00:24:44 You know what I mean? Like, freedom is negotiable. Freedom is negotiable. What I'm saying is I think that we exaggerate how much we love it and want it. Oh, yeah. Like, I think we really want security. Yeah, probably. Way more than freedom.
Starting point is 00:24:57 And given a situation where you can convince us that our security is at stake, we will hand you our fucking freedom over in a heartbeat, security's at stake we will hand you our fucking freedom over in a heartbeat and we'll start snitching on other motherfuckers who are out there trying to be free yeah like have you seen people on instagram like crying about how their neighbors are having a cookout and it's like bitch shut up you fucking snitch nah yeah i don't get it, dude. I mean, to me, these are just people that are so terrified, and they've bought into everything that they've been told, and they've just been like fucking IV dripped this sensationalist narrative, and they're terrified.
Starting point is 00:25:37 Right. And then when they see people breaking the laws, or the social laws that have been enacted, they see that as like they're trying to kill people you know what i mean like they treat it like it's murder because they've been told that they're murdering people right there's i think they see it as like a drunk driver like if you were to see a drunk driver you'd be like that person is so wildly negligent we need to stop him like if i saw someone like driving down the street like drunk i'd like try to stop the car yeah yeah
Starting point is 00:26:02 and i think that's the way they see people having a cookout. So if you truly believe that this virus is like going to kill. I'm empathetic to that. Everyone, you know, I don't think they're operating out of a place of, I mean, they're dorks.
Starting point is 00:26:14 Don't get me wrong, but I don't think they're operating out of a place of like, like delusion. I just think they've been, they've been input information and also are predisposed to like behave in a way. To hysteria. Yeah. Like they're anxious people. Exactly. Yeah. and then it's now being fed and validated by this like constant media cycle and they're like fuck yeah those people are gonna try to kill my grandma like
Starting point is 00:26:32 yeah that's what's happening well that is the tricky thing about the the virus is that your freedom is costly if everything is true what they're saying right right that you being out in the world and interacting with people could end up killing tons of people like all these reports are coming out now like uh there was one man in south korea that was responsible for 400 people come attacking the virus right they've like if one person dies that's on him that's on him that's at least manslaughter And if one person dies... That's on him. That's on him. That's at least manslaughter.
Starting point is 00:27:05 100%. So it is a genius way to restrict your freedom because if you don't, you're killing people. Yeah. Matter of fact, you can't be free. If you want to take away a country's freedom or a people's freedom, this virus shit is genius.
Starting point is 00:27:21 An airborne virus? Yeah. Hey, bro, if you go outside you're committing manslaughter yeah and if you're pissed about it and you want to get a rally together to protest you can't genius yes that's what i don't know was i telling you about that what that uh that's what uh so like putin uh there's gonna be some re-election thing or where they're gonna switch the constitution so he can do another 12 years. Oh, yeah, you mentioned this.
Starting point is 00:27:47 Yeah, and so he's completely using the coronavirus thing. He's like, guys, there's no large groups. You can't form any large groups. And then in April, when they switch up the constitution and all these people are going to want to go protest, they'll be like, well, you'll be arrested if you try to protest. You think anyone's done that on a small scale? Go. A guy that's afraid of getting married or something.
Starting point is 00:28:03 He's wrapped up in this loveless relationship. And he's like, look, guys, we've got to call off the wedding it's just there's no way and they're like it's not for a year and a half it's like well you just want to be safe you know what i mean i wonder if it's happened on like a little scale yet akash is doing this right now listen this corona thing might spill into november december you never know yeah we can't honeymoon and that's like what's the point? We're going to have our family there. I mean, it's going to be old people. This thing kills old people. You want to kill our parents?
Starting point is 00:28:29 Yeah, it's kind of smart. I wonder what the smallest scale someone's used it on. Corona. Yeah. Like the whole, like in the way that Putin's hijacking it for political means. What's the smallest scale? What's the smallest scale someone has used Corona?
Starting point is 00:28:41 Yeah. Maybe to break up with someone. I probably see that. Oh, I mean, this is the easiest ghost Corona. Yeah. Maybe to break up with someone. I could probably see that. Oh, I mean, this is the easiest ghosting. Yeah. There needs to be a new term for Corona ghosting.
Starting point is 00:28:51 Let's ask Jared Freed. He's already figured it out. Right? Like, you don't have, I guess you can text, I guess you can FaceTime, but if you just don't see somebody
Starting point is 00:29:01 that you're dating for a month, that's over. Yeah, bro. You just sanitize them out of're dating for a month, that's over. Yeah, bro. You just sanitize them out of your phone, bro. And that's it. Bro, you just got Purell, bitch. Like, you're out of here.
Starting point is 00:29:12 You got wiped. Yeah, you got wiped. You got wiped. You get light-salt sometimes. And that's what happens in relationships, you know? Yeah. You know, we tried to rig your computer so it wouldn't sleep. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:29:28 But something happened to the computer. I almost picked it up. And it completely fell asleep. Well, am I in close? Yeah. Hey, what's up, everybody? Now we're in close. Now we'll pull back.
Starting point is 00:29:40 Now we'll pull back. Okay. And what time are we at? Because we want to keep these snug. What are we thinking? I think we're a little over 20 minutes oh perfect okay good uh we're going to try to be at 30 guys we've been trying to keep it at 30 sometimes the combo goes long sometimes we need to discuss certain things we had an interesting conversation uh a few days ago on our most motorcycle ride back to uh to our homes uh we were motorcycling and talking and um it was so hard to talk because
Starting point is 00:30:06 it was so loud because it was so loud yeah yeah yeah i mean like guys you don't even know how loud we were screaming to just basically get over the the rumble yeah of these bikes man batteries feel your thighs so uh but the conversation was about uh regret oh yeah yeah i was asking mark about regret if you regretted anything and i and i often sit back and i think about like do i regret anything is there anything i regret and because i don't want to live a life with regrets i don't want to be like old and go i didn't i didn't do this or i didn't do that or i wish i did this or wish i did that and um i do not feel regret at all very Regret. At all? Very little. And I was trying to understand why that was, right? And we basically came to the conclusion that regret is not a function of success.
Starting point is 00:30:57 It's a function of happiness. Yeah. A lot of people think it's a function of success. They're like, oh, shit, blah, blah, blah is so successful, right? Jay-Z is so successful, he must not regret anything. Or Bill Gates is so successful, he must not regret anything. Or people that almost had success that lost it, they must be so regretful.
Starting point is 00:31:17 Exactly. You were giving the example of a guy who would have been the drummer for the Beatles, but he didn't show up or something, so then they end up getting Ringo, et cetera. But that's not the case. There are tons of successful people that live with regret because they're not happy. Regret is a function of happiness. If you are happy, you can't really regret shit from your past because all those actions
Starting point is 00:31:40 helped you get where you are. So while there's maybe relationships or something, I wish I didn't stay in that long. Or maybe I... Hookers you wish you hadn't slept with. Never. Never? No, there's one, and I do not regret it. White areolas, like church wafers, bro.
Starting point is 00:31:57 I had to do it. Chernobyl titties. It was in the Ukraine. White areolas? Yeah, dude, Ukraine. That was a mutant. Crop circle titties? Crop circles, dog. Mutant dude ukraine that was a mutant crop circle titties crop circles talk mutant i had sex with a mutant yeah okay you might have started coronavirus
Starting point is 00:32:13 it's possible that's how it happens bro so that's a wet market right there bro it actually wasn't that wet okay so what else do you not regret so uh but i think it's a function of i think it's a function of uh happiness man a true thing's function happiness because if you're happy where you are in the moment doesn't matter how successful if you're happy where you're in the moment you can accept all these things because they got you here so a shitty situation a shitty time you're like okay that built character or whatever the fuck people justify with, right? But if you are miserable,
Starting point is 00:32:51 everything in your life is regret. You're miserable. I shouldn't have had kids. I shouldn't have gotten married. Everything is I shouldn't have because you're dealing with that misery. Maybe that's what blame is.
Starting point is 00:33:04 Blame is just like external regret. It was everything is I shouldn't have because you're dealing with that misery. Maybe that's what blame is. Go. Blame is just like external regret. Keep going. It's like redirected regret. So it's like I regret that I didn't do something. So. And in order to not deal with the fact that I have to take responsibility for it, that's going to manifest as blame. That's your fault.
Starting point is 00:33:19 And it's on you. You should regret what you did, which is really me saying i regret that i didn't do this do you think that's the toughest thing relationships what blame i mean maybe yeah i can see it it's the hardest thing to sustain without being happy what do you mean just life like happiness is the hardest thing to achieve and without it everything is so fucking difficult oh yeah like you can't be happy in your relationship if you're not happy in your life yeah it trickles into everything and then if you're miserable in your relationship your relationship is obviously miserable how the fuck do people get through this yeah imagine like
Starting point is 00:34:04 you're in a terrible relationship you're miserable you're not happy about your life you're miserable all of a sudden now you your career is like essentially meaningless because you have all these fruits you have no one to share it with yeah like no purpose really yeah and like there's no aspect of your life that isn't necessarily miserable here's a question if you were happy how many other parts of your life relationship work etc do you think you would find joy in i mean i think you could but i think it'd be muted or i think it'd be dull if you were happy oh yeah oh yeah no i think happy people like you ever talk to the people that are just like genuinely happy and they find happiness in the
Starting point is 00:34:40 in the matter what and the dumbest shit they're like wow that was so cool i saw the thing and you're like that's like how kids are they have like this like childlike happiness or like this like childlike innocence where like they're amazed by everything and i think that's just like happiness like showing up in ways that they didn't like that human like as adults we don't really and you think you're tricking that this this is the best thing you think you're tricking the kid yeah when you say to the kid hey let's play a game let's see how fast you can clean up your room yeah and they're like okay and they start cleaning up super fast and they're like out of breath they're like did i do it and you're like i tricked him into cleaning up his room but he's like no
Starting point is 00:35:16 stupid i'm happy yeah you're not happy he had genuine happiness yeah you're trying to manipulate me into doing some shit you didn't want to do yeah i'm happy baby i am a happy baby both of those so how do we so there's the question it's like if we know that is the trick that's the hack right but i do think that there's an important distinction that this is what we were talking about before is that half like regret is different than shame yes and different than guilt. Yes. Shame. Go on shame. So I think what we decided was that shame was,
Starting point is 00:35:49 it was... The same function as regret, but if you're happy with your life where you are now. I think shame was, if you're, shame is being unhappy with things that you've done,
Starting point is 00:36:02 whereas regret is being unhappy with things that you should have done or things that you ought to have done. Ah, ah, ah, ah, yes. But the way they manifest is similar, right? So it's like you feel shame for something you did in the past but you don't regret it
Starting point is 00:36:18 because it got you here. Right. So Bill Gates might have felt shame or Mark Zuckerberg might have felt shame for like fucking over those people that he did business with but he doesn't regret it hypothetically speaking if he's happy if he's happy now he doesn't regret it because he's like well look what the fuck i got out of it yeah i and i'm happy and i'm helping people and then you that's where the cognitive dissonance kicks in you can justify whatever now if he's miserable he feels regret because yes i
Starting point is 00:36:41 have all this but i'm miserable so it doesn't doesn't worth it. It's not worth it. So at the end of the day, it's still a function of happiness. And I think you can have regret without shame. You can have regret without shame. Go. Like if you're in like a great relationship and you throw it away and you go, oh, I regret doing that. You don't necessarily feel shame for what you did. You just regret losing an opportunity to do something that you ought to have done let's say you're happy you're in a great relationship yeah you cheated
Starting point is 00:37:08 yeah you can feel shame yeah because that's something that you did do you can feel shame you don't feel regret because you're happy yeah if you're miserable because you cheated then that's regret you You would feel regret. And probably shame. You feel both. Yeah. Interesting. Imagine you cheated.
Starting point is 00:37:32 You don't feel bad about it. Right. You never got caught. Right. She's not hearing it. You might feel ashamed. But regret only kicks in. Do you feel regret?
Starting point is 00:37:42 You might regret it. Regret what? No, you would only regret it if? You might regret it. Regret what? No, you would only regret it if you felt bad about it. Yeah, some people cheat, and I think they're surprised that they don't feel bad. I've talked to my friends. They're like, yeah, I cheated, and I didn't really feel anything. Bro, I cheated once. I thought it was going to be so miserable.
Starting point is 00:37:55 I remember literally coming, pulling out, like, oh, God, it's about to kick in. No? And you just went to sleep. I was like, oh. All right. I get it. I get Latinos it makes sense now
Starting point is 00:38:07 great this is so bad yeah so yeah I think sometimes people are surprised at how little they feel yeah
Starting point is 00:38:15 when they practice certain like when they do certain things and then yeah they might not feel shame or regret even though they did something wrong
Starting point is 00:38:23 what is something you've thought this week what is a thought you've had this week Yeah, they might not feel shame or regret, even though they did something wrong. What is something you've thought this week? What is a thought you've had this week that you've wanted to share, that you wanted to get to the bottom, that you wanted to figure out? Well, there was a thing we talked about yesterday. Which was? I don't get how vegans can have cats. Oh, this is such a good one.
Starting point is 00:38:41 This is a joke. This can be a bit. So I don't know if I want you to give it away. You can. Yeah, I don't know. know if I want you to give it away. You can. Yeah, I don't know. Why not? All right, give it away. It's just maybe someone will write a comment that's really funny,
Starting point is 00:38:53 and then I'll just take that and say I thought of it. So who knows, right? Maybe that could happen. The group. What is it? Let the group source you. Yeah, crowd wisdom, bro. Crowd wisdom, yeah. So we got this cat, and we feed it sardines all the time.
Starting point is 00:39:03 Okay. And I was looking into it I was like Oh cats love meat Yeah And I looked into it more And they're what they call Obligate carnivores
Starting point is 00:39:11 Okay So they have to eat meat Yeah Cats can't be on a plant-based diet Okay So one Also Say the premise
Starting point is 00:39:20 The premise is really funny The other piece This whole research thing Yeah yeah Fuck all the research Let's cut to the chase Can vegans have a pet cat? Well there's three parts to this
Starting point is 00:39:29 One Start at that part Can vegans have a pet cat? No The question is Can vegans have a pet cat? Yeah Right?
Starting point is 00:39:36 And I go Why not? And then you go Well because you gotta feed it meat Yeah So you might not be eating meat But you're giving your cat meat But what you your
Starting point is 00:39:45 cat has meat right exactly right and then the second part was i was looking into it most cats are not adopted from shelters oh no no not that part the second part was if you care about animals you can't kidnap one yeah that's the that's the point. You can't get an animal. Most cats are not adopted from shelters. They're like, you find them. They're stray cats. Or someone gives it to you. Right.
Starting point is 00:40:10 That's trafficking. Then you trap them. That's cat trafficking. Yeah, you're cat trafficking. Or you're trapping them. Yeah. Literally, you're trapping them. The cage is your house.
Starting point is 00:40:18 It's a big cage. I know. There are girls that I know. They're like, oh, yeah, that's my cute little cat. I found him rummaging around in the trash. Yeah. So I took him inside. Yeah. It's like, that was not a stray cat. That's wild that was a free animal that's a free animal yeah that you put in a house you sheltered in place you didn't give
Starting point is 00:40:32 no you're just feeding the meat yeah you're quarantining this you're quarantining the cat yeah feeding it the meat that you're not allowed to eat that you condemn yeah but you give it to the cat anyway yeah it's bullshit you cannot be but then you got to go further right right you can't ever live a vegan lifestyle why because even the people making your vegan food probably are eating animals on some level of the production chain you're going to get to the consumption of animals. Right? Maybe even this other piece. Go. If being vegan means that you can't consume
Starting point is 00:41:12 something that's the byproduct of animal suffering. Okay. If you have an unhappy cook that made your food and he hates his job and he burns his hand cooking your food, your fucking zucchini rolls. That's animal suffering.
Starting point is 00:41:27 100%. You are consuming the byproduct of it. Your cell phone made by some child slave in Asia. That's an obvious one. Right? Your gasoline. Like the oil in your car that you got from murdering Iraqis or whatever. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:40 It's impossible. So at what point do we just stop caring about people then or animals? Because there is a balance, right? Like it's easy, like the reason we punch vegans is because they're living a life that is impossible to live. It's no different than the way, the reason like why people. You say punch vegans? You know, we're like not punching them, but like we're like beating up on them. We bully them.
Starting point is 00:42:04 Ah, right. Right? It's like they're like uh beating up on them we bully them ah right right it's like they're they're trying to live a pious life that is impossible to live it's no different than like when people attack like pastors and shit they're like yeah you say you're loving but how do you feel about gays i think it's more than virtue signaling sure they're living this life right they're telling you you have to also live it so if they didn't live it you think that if they didn't try to put it on us, you think that we would leave it alone? I think so. More so.
Starting point is 00:42:29 More so, yes. Like, you don't see people like. But religious people aren't really. I mean, for the most part, most pastors aren't walking around trying to make you Christian. I think that's more common than like, say, at least in America, than like Hindus. And I think Christians get more made fun of than Hindus. There's just no Hindus. Yeah, maybe.
Starting point is 00:42:45 It's 1%. Yeah, fair. Right, you know? Like everybody here is Christian. But it's like proselytizing is a part of Christianity where like they go in your face and they're like. A couple of them do. I've never had any of them knock on my door. I've literally never had.
Starting point is 00:42:56 Do Mormons go to apartment blocks? It would be so much easier. Dude. Like think about it. You could get a thousand people in a block. You don't even need a bike anymore they have bikes
Starting point is 00:43:07 yeah you didn't know that motorcycles no no no they're on those like bicycles bicycles oh yeah those are like
Starting point is 00:43:13 chick-fil-a employees they just roll up to your place yeah I just I think there's something to yeah the proselytizing is there
Starting point is 00:43:23 I think there's just something to people who live a life that we know cannot be lived. But I agree. There's a part of it where it's like, you're trying to get me to live this life. But most vegans that I've encountered are not trying to get me to eat vegan or do any of these things, and they still annoy me. Oh, really? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:41 Like, do you know what I'm saying? Like, most, we have a friend who has a girl that's vegan yeah do you know what i mean and um and uh it's still annoying yeah i mean it's just plain and simple it's just annoying and even though they're not judging me for the way i live my life i feel like the fact that they do something different maybe there's inherent judgment or maybe i'm like carrying the stereotype of a vegan i think i think that's more what it is and i'll be honest she's a really cool vegan because i've seen her eat not vegan just to not be annoying at dinner i just didn't care yeah because i think like a true like the true goal of the vegan is i'm gonna just try to decrease the amount of animal suffering in the world any way that i can
Starting point is 00:44:23 yeah but it's i think that's actually not i think that's kind of a noble pursuit it's a noble pursuit but it's impossible no i don't think it's impossible to decrease it son you realize how much more they get they how many more sorry how much more animals they hurt being vegan it's just they've decided which animals are okay to save or not right like pesticides and shit that they put on all their vegetables, which is the only thing they eat, kill way more insects. We're talking about like hundreds of thousands of types of insects and like small critters and like little animals like squirrels, mice,
Starting point is 00:44:56 that kind of shit. True. Right? Kill way more than would be killed by killing one cow and we get some steaks from it. So they've just decided that the furry animals that look cute need to live. And insects and whatever, they're not really animals. Like fish, they're not really animals.
Starting point is 00:45:11 Like what is that? It's an absurd argument that has a lot of flaws. Right. So maybe there's something about like flawed arguments that people double down on that we fucking hate. But then again, why do I have a career in comedy? So what is that yeah I don't know exactly what
Starting point is 00:45:27 I think it's to me it's like insincerity and virtue signaling insincerity yeah it's inauthentic yeah we know deep down
Starting point is 00:45:35 you don't give a fuck if that's what it is go I think some people truly think that like they're helping and like they've sort of been fed
Starting point is 00:45:42 just like a different propaganda where they're like oh if I eat like only vegetables and grains and i'm doing something better for the environment and there might be there's an argument that they are i don't know maybe they are or maybe they don't have an identity themselves and they're trying to wrap themselves around an identity yeah it's like the white people that move to hawaii that's their veganism yeah for real i i think that yeah you know like we were talking about when you go to hawaii like we saw all these white people that just kind of like adopted the hawaiian slang and that kind of stuff yeah and i think a lot of it's like there's a lot of white people they just never
Starting point is 00:46:11 really had an identity or purpose or whatever it is and they've just adopted a ritual a behavior a language and a culture and now all of a sudden they feel part of something right slightly as an outsider but something they can try to achieve every single day. Maybe one day they'll accept me as part of it. You know? So you get a purpose. Like, it does a lot of things. Yeah. You run from whatever you're facing.
Starting point is 00:46:33 And maybe that's veganism. Yeah. Right? Because it's more than just eating it. Like, the fact that, are there vegan options? Like, fuck that. Just, you know what's vegan. You don't need vegan options.
Starting point is 00:46:43 Just say it. Rice, beans. Right? Got a carrot back there yeah it's like but like you don't need to overdo it right like we know yeah yeah and i think that's part of the virtue signaling that people get annoyed by it's like the gluten-free person that always asks for gluten-free shit or it's like they're like is there gluten and it's like no it's like, no, it's not. You know it's not. But you're just trying to showcase that you have a moral status.
Starting point is 00:47:11 Ah. Right? I care about animals so much that when I go to this restaurant with you heathens, I'm going to operate and order the right thing. So you all order. Yeah. And I get on my fucking soapbox. The soapbox? Yeah. I get on my fucking soapbox. The soapbox?
Starting point is 00:47:25 Yeah. I get on my soapbox and then I let everyone know, by the way, is there any vegan options on the menu? And when I say that, I'm judging everybody else's order. Yeah. And because we feel judged, we act out on that. Right. And then also I think PETA probably doesn't do a great job of the PR play for for vegans you know what i mean like yeah i was a vegan i would hate pita
Starting point is 00:47:48 is pita doing the coronavirus pr because i feel like there's just as much hysteria i feel like everybody is like carol baskin about coronavirus right hey there coronas and crinitas coronas what are the dude coronas and what's the chick corona hey there coronas and coronitas Coronitas? Coronitas? Corononas? What are the dude coronas and what's the chick corona? Hey there, coronas and coronitas. Coronas and coronas. Coronas and coronas? No, why would you hate PETA if you're a vegan?
Starting point is 00:48:20 Because it's like, if I were to be a vegan, I would say, all right, I'm a vegan because I want to reduce animal suffering. The world's better for the environment, blah, blah, blah. because i want to reduce animal suffering the world's better for the environment blah blah blah like i've even heard the argument that like a lot of deforestation comes from like creating land for the cows and shit like right most of the deforestation in south america is for whatever i don't know if that's true if that's the case and that's the propaganda i've been fed and i believe it then all of a sudden now i'm like all right i have to be vegan and i'm going to reduce animal suffering in the world and all of a sudden PETA is like throwing red paint on people. And they're like, this is what it means to be an animal rights lover.
Starting point is 00:48:49 And I'm like, ugh. Yeah. No, it doesn't. You know what I mean? It's like, it's probably how a Muslim feels when there's a jihadist that kills a bunch of people. Like a terrorist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Literally.
Starting point is 00:48:59 Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, I'm a Muslim. I believe all this stuff. And then this guy takes one part of it out of context, blows it up unintentionally. Yeah, literally. And then it makes all of us look bad. If I was a vegan, that's how I'd feel. Interesting.
Starting point is 00:49:14 So PETA's got to go. Yeah, probably. Doc Antle, you were right, bro. Shout out to the soul patch god. I just think radicals in any any space are probably not conducive to the actual truth of the matter maybe that's a good question are there any radicals that are tolerable i don't know i always thought like like a buddhist extremist like a mormon extremist yeah but isn't a what are those hari krishnas are they
Starting point is 00:49:44 because they're annoying i don't know anything i are those Hare Krishnas? Are they Buddhist extremists? Because they're annoying. I don't know. I've never even seen them. I just know they were popular in the 70s. I used to play basketball with one in Barcelona. Yeah, and he came, played in those stupid pants. And every time he turned the ball over because he was trying to like cross over
Starting point is 00:49:58 and those like low hanging pants in the middle would like catch the ball. The best defender on your team was the Hare Krishna pants. But he couldn't go through his own legs so somehow he would turn it over and i remember just looking i'm like take off your stupid fucking pants like can you just be harry krishna outside of this like what he lived with like 20 other people in some apartment in barcelona he was harry krishna in and up it is little white paint right here you know it looked like simba when the monkey painted him right and uh yeah he was just there hooping was he good yeah he was good we didn't fucking turn the ball over he's playing
Starting point is 00:50:31 in sandals did you really he played in sandals it was bottom of the barrel dude there wasn't a lot of basketball players out there in barcelona we accepted whoever at that point that's another thing about acceptance like when you need someone, you just accept. Yeah. You know, like when you have an abundance of workers, then you get picky. Yeah. But when you need to build the house, you're like, who's around, bro? Like who's there?
Starting point is 00:50:52 Like we don't care. It's community college, dog. Yeah. Community college don't give a fuck. Nah. Harvard. Little picky. Little picky.
Starting point is 00:51:02 Maybe that's the key to progressiveness and acceptance. Is what? Limit the people. You want us to all love each other? Limit the amount of motherfuckers around. Yeah. Like, you know the Avengers and all these kind of shit? It's all different genders, races, et cetera, because they're the only mutants.
Starting point is 00:51:20 So it's like, fuck it, all right. You think Wolverine wants to hang out with Cyclops, the dork? Nah. He wants to go fuck bitches in Vancouver, bro. He's out there. He's dancing, and they ping, ping, ping.
Starting point is 00:51:35 Yeah. Yeah. You need less people, I think. That's like, you ever heard of Dunbar's number? No. 150? Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 00:51:44 Where it's like, the amount of people you can have that like. In a functioning society. Yeah, it's like how many people you can basically know in a society. 150 people. Yeah. And there was that business that tried to operate using 150 people in one building. And then when they got over 150, they opened another building and they started building another 150 people.
Starting point is 00:52:03 Is this SimCity? What are you talking about? Yeah. Is that real? For real. Yeah, there was a guy who basically ran his business based on it. building and they started building another 150 people is this sim city what he's on yeah for real yeah there was a guy who basically ran his business based on it and the idea was if you know everybody well his use of dumb bars was if you know everybody then you'll treat them with respect and you'll do your job right right so if you're in a business with like a thousand people and you're like i'm not gonna refill the printer because it cracks to fall through boom exactly you don't know the person who works the printer but if you don't refill it and pam comes over and pam's like hey tom i saw you at the fucking printer why don't you if i had to do it you're like yo my bad pam if you know everybody's first name bro you're not gonna do
Starting point is 00:52:38 something to affect them unless you actually really hate them and you want to affect them they start doing that shit at like uh universities and stuff okay they put the cleaning staff in the bathroom and they're like hi my name is marta uh i moved here from guatemala genius and i'll be cleaning up your bathroom today so keep it tidy or something like that you're not pissing on the seat now you're not throwing the paper towels on the ground now it's like all right marta's gonna have to come in here like they'll even throw like a little factoid people People have said that this is how you survive a serial killer. Have you ever heard this? No.
Starting point is 00:53:08 It's like, if you get kidnapped by a serial killer, the first thing you should do is to start sharing personal stuff about your life. Why? Because they're forced to empathize. But they don't have empathy.
Starting point is 00:53:17 They're serial killers. If you're like a true psychopath, maybe not. There are serial killers that are not psychopaths? They're sociopaths. But they lack empathy as well. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:29 But they have just enough. They have some. These are people, to my understanding, is like a sociopath, someone that's mostly normal. And then you just get abused and your life is tumultuous. And then you become like this cold killer. So what you're trying to tell me right now is that someone who is willing to murder multiple people.
Starting point is 00:53:49 Yeah. Right. That if you sit down, you're like, well, hey, I went to Bronx High School of Science and my dog's name was Gertrude. I got two kids and yeah. I like playing. Your odds of surviving, I think, are higher. Marginally.
Starting point is 00:54:04 There you go. Are your odds even higher if you try to escape? Number one is probably escape. Yeah, probably escape. Right? I mean, if you're just standing there with him. Yeah. Like, run.
Starting point is 00:54:13 Because he's going to kill you anyway. That's what I don't understand. He might not, though. How many of these serial killers have decided not to murder? I don't know. You got to try to escape. Yeah, that's probably goal number one try to yes but you have to lose if you're tied up in the back seat no you can't do anything you might as
Starting point is 00:54:33 well just start talking talk about your personal life let them empathize say your hobbies what if he was like dude i wasn't gonna kill you but you are one annoying bitch but then you can kill faster, I think. And that's better. I think that's better. Yeah. Even if you get killed, I think it'd be a little quicker.
Starting point is 00:54:50 I was literally just kidnapping you. Like, he's explaining to you. He's like, no, you don't understand. I was literally just kidnapping you. That's all I wanted to do to you, okay? I was hoping that we'd get some money from your grandparents. They got a ranch out there in Oklahoma. Drive you to an ATM or something.
Starting point is 00:55:00 That's something. But you are so annoying. I'm going to do your family a favor. I'm going to fucking murder you right now so they don't have to, so no one else has to listen to this shit. I think it depends on what you share with them. That's probably important.
Starting point is 00:55:12 Are you going with jokes? Like if you got kidnapped, are you testing material? Are you going to be like, funny thing about vegans, kidnap. Dude, I do not want to bomb
Starting point is 00:55:20 in the last moments of my life, dude. Why not? Dude, if the joke gets you out of getting murdered, like what if he's driving stone-full and then you just hear him go. Yo, that'd be crazy. That'd be crazy. Both of us are killers.
Starting point is 00:55:35 Yo, we're murderers, bro. I want them to put down my tunes. I'm like, he died the way he lived. Kill it. No one laughing. Now, if you know you're gonna be murdered you gotta at least try a bit to see if you can get in the chuckle what do you think the bit you would you would pull what is your go-to yeah what is your go-to let's go with a street joke oh really all right
Starting point is 00:55:55 go i don't even know which one i pick oh no i'm going my ego is gonna be big i'm going with i'm going with material i'm going with material dude i gotta see if i got this if i could laugh my way out of this you did you crowd work with him no material bro so where are you from dog because i'm not gonna get anything out of him you know what i'm saying right i'm i'm going jokes i'm going material relatable ted bundy dude i think i might i might try to Bullshit. Ted Bundy. Dude, I think I might try to laugh my way out. Yeah, if there was a person to do a serial killer bit for, it's probably serial killer. That's it.
Starting point is 00:56:35 Yeah. Who loves Puerto Rican jokes the most? Puerto Ricans. There we go. That's actually not a bad idea. It would be pandering, but I think in the moment, you have to be okay with that. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:46 In that moment. You think he would spot you for pandering? You've got really high comedic expectations. You're saying that just because I'm a comedian or just because I'm a serial killer. Come on, dude. Nothing else. I can't help but feel that this joke is specifically targeting me and the people that also murder. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:12 Me and my coworkers do not appreciate this kind of humor. He's going to write a blog about it? Just because we murder this way. Is that Chappelle's joke? Just because I'm dressed this way. That's what what? Maybe that's how they does that. Is that Chappelle Joe? Just because I'm dressed this way. That's what what? Maybe that's how they catch him though. He writes some blog post being like,
Starting point is 00:57:31 comedian Andrew Schultz panders to serial killers. And then they're triggered by it. And then he writes a blog post, they find him. Well, that's how we get to the bottom of it. All right, guys, we probably went over again. We're trying to keep it at 30. We love y'all. We're going to figure out live. We're going to figure out live.
Starting point is 00:57:45 We're going to do the live. We hope you guys had some fun, some distraction. We hope we got those brain cells jumping around in that noggin of yours. Yeah, man. We'll be back again. You know, tomorrow we got Flayron 2. Oh, also very important note. Alex does not have Corona.
Starting point is 00:58:09 Okay. I know some of you guys have been asking about Al having Corona. He does not have Corona. But what he is doing is he's at the crib and he is putting together all the standup clips that we possibly have. We haven't been on the road, obviously. So we haven't been able to put new clips out on the YouTube channel. And that pisses us off because here's a time where people actually need the entertainment. They need the distraction.
Starting point is 00:58:32 So we're like, you know what? Fuck it. Al said he's going back to the crib. He's grinding. Literally going through hours and hours and hours of footage. Going back through every city to see if there's things that we missed. Things we skipped over. You know, we're very busy busy we might not have had it and we're putting out new clips every week we're doing that now every sunday we're putting out a new clip so you can
Starting point is 00:58:52 go check out the new one that's out today we dropped it and um you'll be looking forward to more every single week so go say what up to al and then Al should be back next Monday. We think we'll be able to have enough backlog by then. Anyway, man, we love y'all. Peace, love and you're.

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