Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Jake Paul Calls McGregor's Wife a 4
Episode Date: December 15, 2020This week Andrew, Akaash, AlexxMedia, Mark and Dov discuss Jake Paul's new beef, Jake Paul's racist knockout, why Lebron needs to stop whining, why Jay-Z isn't cool, Logan Paul's fight potential, and ...much more. INDULGE! Want an extra episode a week? Join the Flagrant Army www.Patreon.com/FLAGRANT2 Flagrant 2 is a comedy podcast that delivers unfiltered, unapologetic, and unruly hot takes directly to your dome piece. In an era dictated by political correctness, hosts Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh, along with AlexxMedia and Mark Gagnon, could care less about sensitivities. If it’s funny and flagrant it flies. If you are sensitive this podcast is not for you. But if you miss the days of comedians actually being funny instead of preaching to a choir then welcome to The Flagrancy.
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What's up everybody, welcome to Flagrant 2
It's your boy Shultz, Akash Singh in the building, Alex Media, Mark Gagnon
We even got the truffle himself, Dov Maman
Let's begin, right before we started this episode
I saw Jake Paul post something on Instagram
He was speaking to Conor McGregor I saw Jake Paul post something on Instagram.
He was speaking to Conor McGregor.
And Conor McGregor is a little disrespectful.
Like he's disrespectful with fighters.
You know what I mean?
That's his thing.
That is his thing, I guess. The fuck you suit, right?
Didn't he have a suit that said fuck you?
That's right.
In the pinstripes.
It said fuck you.
And Jake Paul has this.
Is this the Irish cut? Conor McGregor, I know you're probably beating up old dudes in a bar right now. pinstripes and said, fuck you. And Jake Paul has this this this.
I know you're probably beating up old dudes in a bar right now, or maybe you're jacking
off because you're sick of fucking your wife. I mean, she's a
four-count. You could do a lot better.
Wow.
Whoa.
Bro.
Saying his wife
is a four?
Whoa.
That's wild, bro.
That's OD.
He crossed the line with that one.
That's wild.
All right, here's why it's wild.
Jake.
You say why it's wild, then I'll say why it's not wild.
Go ahead.
Okay.
So Jake has probably, Jake could probably beat up most people,
right?
And especially now after the Nate Robinson fight,
it's been obvious.
Most people are like,
all right,
that guy could probably beat me up if we were to fight.
Right?
But,
he can't beat up Conor.
He might be able to outbox Conor,
but he's not going to be able to beat up Conor.
Like,
Conor would fuck his ass up in a regular fight. This is a boxing match, right? Yeah, he's not going to be able to beat up Conor. Conor would fuck his ass up in a regular fight.
This is a boxing match, right?
He's asking him to, but I'm saying
in the street, like in the street
after what he did to Nate Robinson, most dudes
are not checking Jake Paul. The average
person is like, I don't want that smoke.
That's too much. I've seen him sleep a dude.
I don't want that. Conor
will fuck him up in real life.
You call someone's wife a four
Yeah
The mother of your kids
Still with her
Yo
You gotta fuck him up
You have to
You have to fuck somebody up
That's wild dog
And he's offering you
Fifty million dollars
To fuck him up
Yeah
He's saying
Fuck me up
And you get paid $50 million.
You get to avenge the disrespect
that was done to your wife
and the mother of your kids
and you get $50 million?
Yeah.
You want to get permanent damage
when you fight Dustin Poirier?
You could get permanent damage.
That's a bad motherfucker, Dustin Poirier.
For way less money
or $50 million a chance that's a bad motherfucker doesn't pour you for way less money or 50 million dollars to
beat up some snot nose fuck from the disney channel come on is this a no-brainer bro he
gotta take it that is the offer for real for real yeah and he put in the thing the contract and i
guess like proof of funds or some shit i don't know It's like a swipe over. First of all, well done, Jake. Brilliant move.
Brilliant move. Son.
I don't know if that. Yo.
Bill Gates, your wife's a
bitch.
Real talk.
300 mil.
Here's the thing with Bill Gates, though.
Bill Gates' reputation is not
based on fucking people up.
It's not even close
to based on. You could say that.
That's why I picked him.
100%. But Conor does
it for a living. Why would
you not take that fight if you're Conor?
Yeah, I think Conor would outbox Jake too.
That's the thing. I think he would too.
He's got a boxing background, right?
It's, I believe, karate and kickboxing.
Okay, fair. But still, it's like... I do remember kickboxing okay fair but still it's different i
remember you saying when he boxed floyd his head movement was like spectacular his head movement
was elite uh he is a quality fighter he's much shorter than jake and weighs much less than jake
but at the same time we're talking about like a professional fighter like jake just started fighting yeah i don't know man
like i i just can't believe it that's a wild thing to say bro can i tell you why it's not that wild
okay now you can tell me why it's not do you remember what connor said about khabib's wife
yeah do you remember the exact words he said he was showing a picture of khabib's wife and she
was completely covered for their wedding and he goes your wife's a towel mate and then you said
she's not not a towel which was a great line because we all felt that way at the moment.
I don't think that that is close to as disrespectful.
Like if you called my wife a towel because she was dressed like a towel, I wouldn't feel as disrespected because underneath the towel, she's a beautiful woman that you love more than anything.
If anything, that's disrespect to your religion.
And God's going beautiful woman that you love more than anything right if anything that's disrespect to your religion yeah yeah that's it yeah and god's gonna handle that now you cross pollinating my god and my wife you get fucked up but here's the thing you're not disrespecting a wife you're
disrespecting god what god told your wife to wear yeah god gonna handle that god also made Connor's wife, right? So, you know, looking according to how Jake says,
that's also on God.
That's crazy disrespectful.
God got your back about the towel comment.
Connor tries to go to heaven, and if Muslims are right,
God's going to be like, what was that towel shit handled?
Yeah, okay.
You know what I mean?
Fair enough.
You soaking wet now, motherfucker.
You don't need a towel in hell. You sweating your ass off wet now motherfucker you know what's crazy about these challenges now is that who said you could talk
give the truffle his take so this is my take so with with ufc fighters and boxers they always
have like promoters that get to like you know you make a challenge but the promoter creates the fight
but because the paul brothers jake and lo, come from the digital world, they know the numbers that they can get.
So they can make these challenges and say, like, I'm challenging you plus $50 million guaranteed on the table proof of funds like he's doing.
And he knows that he can get that money raised because of the world that they live in.
That's a cool extra little skill you get.
It's going to completely change.
that's that's a cool extra little skill you get to completely change what's interesting is is going to change fight sports but the genius of dana white is that he kind of and it's kind of
i guess what's fucked up but it's also the genius like he has all these guys under contract and they
will have to fight for that contract in amount and it works because he fights them a lot so they get
to fight way more than the average person would. But he can control that gate way better than the average promoter can.
You know, like the promoters for boxing no longer have control of their fighters.
I think Canelo actually broke his contract.
You remember he signed that crazy contract?
And I think he recently just got out of it.
Oh, shit.
I think.
Don't quote me.
I just can't believe that.
That's wild.
You got to see that, man.
Yo.
Like, you got to see that, man.
Bruh. Oh, you got gotta call your wife a four you do we know with mma fighters it's the same as like with boxers like they're
enforced no no like their hands are considered weapons so if a boxer hits a regular civilian
that's like a felony or some short that That's interesting. I wonder if that is the case.
Because Connor should just see him on the street for that.
Yeah, but you don't get 50 million for that.
So?
That's actually more honorable.
It's not.
It is.
Making 50 mil defending your wife?
That shit is honorable.
What if Connor comes back and just says,
yo, let's go on the octagon?
Connor got to fuck his girl.
Conor got to fuck Jake Paul's girl.
Jake Paul is that girl.
That's how you honor your wife.
His wife taking a video of it like, world star.
She's rocking out.
I mean, Conor could say come in the ring, but then Conor looks pussy.
He looks pussy.
I think Conor looks pussy because the idea is that Jake Paul isn't an actual person in fight sports.
He's not an actual professional fighter, and Connor is.
Connor was so cocky about his boxing, he boxed the greatest boxer ever.
Now this Disney star is saying, I will fuck you up in a boxing ring,
and if you're not for 50 million dollars guaranteed
and if you're not willing to take that 50 million you're crazy yeah his fight purse for uh floyd
was 30 or that's the uh that was the guarantee was the guarantee he walked away with 130 million
some people say the guarantee was 30 yeah i'm just saying they all knew they were gonna make
100 off that but i'm just saying yeah how knew they were gonna make 100 off that but i'm
just saying yeah how do you not take that now if i'm connor what how i played is this i go i ignore
and let him build the fight keep getting more disrespectful keep getting more wild the same
way floyd did to connor connor been calling out floyd forever right floyd never said nothing until
he got to a fever pitch and then it was like all right let's go boy no i'll whoop your ass i'm not gonna whoop your ass for no money let you build this but i would honestly let him fight
one more time get another impressive knockout i think he needs one more if he fights again and
it's a reasonably famous person and he sleeps him like he slept nate robb who gonna fight him again
imagine he fought antonio brown and he slept him imagine he fights
to and he slept him imagine he fights rob gronkowski and he sleeps him i'm not saying
that's necessarily gonna happen but imagine if that did happen yeah it'd be yeah inexcusable
you got to do something first of all his his stock yeah through the roof through the roof yeah
and connor gotta see that man just knocking out NFL players, calling people's wives a four.
What is he thinking when he's doing this?
Is he thinking this is a payday?
Because you could fight other people, Jake.
Nah, he wants to play.
They're super smart of him.
Yeah, they want to fucking play.
You say something that now Conor's going to look pussy if you don't take the fight?
Nah, nah.
That's the smartest play.
Is it because that's the biggest payday is Conor?
I'm saying, why Conor?
Oh, yeah.
It's a huge payday.
Biggest payday in sports.
There's no boxer.
First of all, he can't fight a real boxer because real boxers are going to bust his ass.
And real boxers don't have personalities now that Floyd is gone.
Yeah.
Yeah, they're struggling big time.
So it's like there's nobody he can fight as a boxer, right?
Fair.
And MMA fighters are superstars right now i mean the biggest ones
and connor is a fucking superstar yeah i think connor's still the biggest gate yeah you know
all right fair enough that's the move then i think stylebender would bring in more
stylebender would demoralize jake paul no i know that I just mean like it would be a more exciting card to see.
Because then you could bring the race aspect into it.
The pre-fight hype will be fun.
Pre-fight hype.
It's going to be a trick to do the race thing with Jake because like he's so influenced by black culture.
Yeah.
Like Logan looks more like traditional white boy.
Yeah.
But like Jake is trying to rap.
You know what I mean?
I think he probably got a grill on in
some of his pictures like he clearly is like not against black people and anyway besides when he's
fucking sleeping them jesus i'm just i'm just like i couldn't believe that watch all right guys let's
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you're welcome let's get back to this i'm looking at the notes that you guys have up here and the
first two notes are
absolutely insane and i don't even know if i want to talk about that is this verified like are we
about to this is real yeah oh this is a real allegation from her twitter this just came about
this weekend we're talking about uh an artist named fka twigs who's stuff i've never heard to
be honest with you but she's british right? You know her from that Apple commercial where the walls move?
Son, no, I don't.
I don't know her.
I don't know.
He just said Apple commercial.
It was a popular commercial.
Anyway, she accused our boy, SLB, Shia LaBeouf, as he calls him.
I mean, not our boy.
He was my boy back in the day.
Back in the day, all right.
But now he's out here Wilding out
Sam Witwicky
Motherfucking Transformers
Yo
Yeah he killed that
Transformers
Back in the day
Yeah
Back in the day
He was the guy
Put some respect
On my man bro
So what happened
What happened
So La Bouffe
Was out there
Just fucking
She said he was
Abusive toward her
I think there was
Something like
What type of abuse
Here because
Oh my god Nah This is important Because now like... What type of abuse here? Because... Oh, my God.
No, this is important
because now there's different types of abuse.
You can be emotionally...
Aboof.
Aboof.
There's different types of Aboof.
There's different types of Aboof.
That's what he does.
It's Shia Aboof.
It's an Aboof of religion.
No, but is it emotional abuse?
Let's talk about emotional,
but what's emotional abuse?
You know what I mean?
When your girl's upset
that you're never home all the time, is that emotional abuse to me?
Am I emotionally abused?
Is it like when you're working on a Netflix special and you got to be gone a lot?
Is that what it is?
Oh, also, shout out to that.
Make sure y'all watch that on Thursday and add it to your watch list if you haven't heard
just yet.
If you're a brand new listener to the Flagrant 2 podcast, make sure you do that so we can
break some goddamn records.
Out this bitch.
Out this bitch out
this bitch now back to this shia speaking of bitches men who hit women yeah good say
so apparently he was abusive we gotta physically abusive physically no they accuse of all three
so it was well shit yeah you're gonna do the other
ones you don't start it physical you don't go no honestly emotionally it was great but every time
give me a people's elbow every thursday that's not how it works i'm just saying what is i need
to know exactly what's going on here because because it's not only fk twigs nata's saying
see ya yeah but see i just jumped it, and she only claims emotional abuse.
Now you're going to claim that after he made that video pop.
He made a video pop?
Remember when he made that music video pop?
That was about six years ago.
I'm just saying.
Now when you're not making your music videos pop, all of a sudden, it's emotional abuse, right?
Come on, yo.
Oh, don't tell me that's why I see you always covering her face.
No!
This guy's crazy.
Oh, my God, the Transform Her.
Yo, they got Shia LaBeouf out here transforming them, bro.
Oh, my God.
No!
Ain't it crazy?
Shia LaBeouf and then Chris Brown had a song called what?
Oh, my God, bro. I used to do a joke about that. Yo, Transformers, that's the fucking Kardashian curse. ain't it crazy Shia LaBeouf and then Chris Brown had a song called what oh my god
bro
I used to do a joke
about that
yo
Transformers
that's the fucking
Kardashian curse
right there
anything with Transformers
that's a problem
damn son
so really
so singer Sia reveals
that she was in
an abusive relationship
with Shia LaBeouf
after FKA Twigs
came out
and said the same thing
what was the
Twigs one I've read this in
then i forgot something it was like in a car he like physically abused her in a car did you look
this up at all dove because you're looking like you're searching your memory banks and i would
actually rather you just look at the google uh let's see what that part well there was one scene
where like he he you know he is very much like a method actor and she said that he said like you la fuck this yeah
there was this one abuse scene there's one abuse scene where he gets in the character and said he's
never killed something so he like starts shooting at stray dogs on the road with her in the car
yeah something like that no one wants to see any dogs get killed but actual's what I don't know. They're actual real dogs, though? Yeah, real dogs. Yeah, dog. They weren't fucking robots.
Fucking animal.
Megatron.
That's wild.
This guy's a fucking animal, bro.
Yo.
Who shoots an innocent dog?
I don't get it.
Yo, fuck Shia LaBeouf.
Yo, fuck Shia LaBeouf, bro.
Yo.
Honestly, Mark Wahlberg
is way better in Transformers, dude.
That's true.
I was so happy
Not to see LaBouf
In a Transformers
I can't believe it dude
This is disgusting
Any others?
Shooting at stray dogs
Is crazy
Yeah this guy's really
Going through it
How do you know
They're strays?
Yeah they could've been
Someone's dog
Yeah
That's runaway dogs
Right
You can't shoot
At stray humans
We should call
Homeless people that
Should we call should we call those people strays yeah that's just feral steve that's all that is
he's a rescue that's all but they're not rescued oops
anyway what else we got going on that's just that was just too crazy i don't know the
whole details obviously you got to hear both sides you know what i mean we need to hear what
shy i gotta say about all this but that motherfucker is a wild ass boy bro that's crazy
dog that's you know what the problem with being crazy is like leaning into the crazy guy because
i don't think he was this early in his career he was doing disney movies even stevens bro
literally like a is that a movie he was in that was the disney show he was on think he was this early in his career. He was doing Disney movies. He was even Stevens, bro. Literally like a, is that a movie he was in?
That was the Disney show.
He was on even, he was normal, right?
As a kid, he was like a normal kid, right?
The problem with leaning into crazy guy is the good thing is you can do anything and
people go, oh, he's an artist.
You know what I mean?
Like Johnny Depp can just be a fucking weirdo and people are like, oh, I know.
It's so Johnny Depp.
And I think oftentimes people who have like a lot of social anxiety lean into this I'm a weirdo character
because it allows them to get away
with all these socially awkward moments, right?
The problem with leaning into weirdo guy
is when you get accused of some wild shit,
mad believable.
Everybody believes him.
No question.
He also, he came out with a movie about his, about his childhood, where he played his own dad.
Honey Badger?
Honey Boy.
Honey Bun.
Honey Boy.
Honey Boy.
Honey Boy.
And his dad was, like, also really abusive, like, took all of his money, kept him in,
like, a fucking motel while he's filming a Disney show.
Like, he went through a shitty childhood.
And then the whole point of the movie is like he's he's there.
He's therapy in his way out of it.
And then you see these interviews and you're like, oh, man, I really grew up.
And then you read this article.
It's like, yo, this guy's been crazier than ever.
I don't know.
I hate you.
Roll your eyes.
But I will say, I think on the average, a Disney Channel kid has a worse life than like an average American kid.
No, no way.
No.
Why?
First of all,
if you're on TV and you're a kid,
you never experience
like being uncomfortable
with girls.
If you were a famous kid,
you never go through
do girls like me?
Do they not?
Blah, blah, blah.
Like you're going to be
popular with chicks
the second that show
comes out
through your 20s.
I remember
when I was in college,
there was a motherfucker.
What was that kid's name?
Johnny Tsunami. Johnny Tsunami. Y' What was that kid's name? Johnny Tsunami.
Johnny Tsunami.
Y'all went to college for Johnny Tsunami?
Bitches was talking about Johnny Tsunami.
Who the fuck Johnny Tsunami, bro?
These bitches was talking about Johnny Tsunami.
Oh, my God.
I saw Johnny Tsunami at the frat party last night.
Johnny Tsunami was there.
Johnny Tsunami.
Johnny Tsunami.
You was hating, son.
Bro, I was not hating.
I'm just saying.
No, Johnny Tsunami.
I'm not hating, bro.
Whatever.
I was here to talk about Johnny Tsunami this, Johnny Tsunami that.
What about Andrew Monsoon?
That's it.
Come on.
You really surf, too.
That must have pissed you off.
Yeah, motherfucker is a fake surfer.
He's just Hawaiian looking.
Yeah.
How did he get the name, though?
Say what?
How did he get the name?
Because he had bitches on that whack.
No, the movie that he did for Disney Channel was called Johnny Tsunami.
His name is Brandon, I think.
But he just...
Bro, I don't know, but these girls was going for it.
You can really tell Andrew's priorities in life.
Because I was like, yo, these digital stars, they lose their money, they get sexually abused.
And he's like, yeah, but they fuck.
Yeah, they get bitches, yo.
They don't get rejected.
So Akash's whole personality
is built off
of not getting
that pussy in high school?
You don't think
that he would have been
a way better guy
if he was on the Johnny...
Mudslide?
I'm just saying,
people underestimate
one
you don't have any financial problems
with your family
his dad took all his money
that's your dad
he blew that shit on
it's your dad
blew that shit on
alcohol and drugs
or whatever
we don't know what he blew it on bro
we don't know that
he didn't blow enough of it
where you were homeless
you had a home
you had a motel
yeah
it was a roof yeah you weren't straight you weren home. You had a motel. It was a roof. Yeah, you weren't stray.
You weren't stray, bro. And also
motel, you're an actor. You're staying in hotels all the
time. Cry, baby. I wish you could
show people the apartment where you grew up.
My shit was fire. I mean, it's
fucking crazy. Fire. If I told
you who lived in that building, you'd be like, get the fuck
out of here. But also, they lived there after
your point.
We was there first.
There was a basketball court in the middle of the place.
Yep, we had a basketball court.
But say where it was.
But say what the story of this place was.
This was my parents' place.
He doesn't even move.
Lob him up.
I thought the video paused for me.
I don't give a shit about that, yo.
Yo, but say what it was.
It was my parents'
old business
that made so much money
they moved to a better location
and then instead of
selling this,
we were like,
let's just live in it.
Exactly.
Tell your parents
to work harder.
Like, you know what I mean?
Like, my parents
care about me
and they want us
to have food
and a basketball court.
You had a better childhood
than Shia LaBeouf.
I don't know.
We don't know that. Some of us was working for a posse at a basketball court. You had a better childhood than Shia LaBeouf. I don't know. We don't know that.
Some of us was working
for Pussy at a young age.
Okay?
They called him
the Honey Badger.
What is the name of it?
The Honey Boy.
The Honey Boy.
Pussy was thinking of him.
Honey Badger is so funny.
The free safety
for the Arizona Cardinals.
The free safety, bro.
All I'm trying to say is,
you know what I mean i gotta get an apartment
bro it was so fire you've been to his he's been his yeah yeah yeah that shit is so fired up well
then they cut it in half but to then to you could then live in andrew's like post-college apartment
and then when you go see his parents apartment into three apartments yo you had to walk through
the the lion the witch in the wardrobe to go through it and you had to walk through the the lion the witch in the wardrobe to go through
it and you had to go through a closet and then you could then end up in his parents place and
we're like andrew we are 25 years old now son this is what happens when you deserve everything You know what I'm saying? Tell your parents to work hard, bro.
My shit was no different than a motel.
It was no different than a motel, okay?
It was what it was.
My parents worked hard, you know what I mean?
They put everything they ever gained in their entire lives into a business selling dance lessons.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Salsa, swing.
No, nobody's disrespected.
Nobody inherited any money.
Well, maybe a little forpected. Nobody inherited any money.
Well, maybe a little for the down payment of the place.
You know what I'm saying?
You know what I'm saying?
It was salsa.
It was merengue.
It was tango.
Hard work, yo.
Hard work. It was hard work.
I never disrespect your parents, but I'm saying you had a pretty good childhood relative to
Shia LaBeouf.
Son.
Just because you had to work a little bit.
You know how you didn't have to work for pussy?
Tell a girl your address.
There ain't no more working for pussy.
Hey, you know what?
You kind of right.
You know what I'm talking about.
My address is sick.
You see the artwork?
Just take 10 steps from there.
But you don't know how convenient the hotel location was that Shia LaBeouf was in.
Also, the guy was-
Whatever it was.
Holiday Inn.
We singing Chingy?
What are we doing out here, bro?
But point is, you don't know what his life was like.
He's just playing victim, bro.
Come on now.
He's just victiming it up.
That guy could have way better life than me.
The guy's making tons of money making Disney movies all the time.
My parents were selling merengues.
The only gays you could sell.
I'm just saying. on guys come on guys come on everybody else is playing out being a victim that's say what i think he's being a victim that
being said my life was better than him i mean if we getting competitive Mr. Labouf My life was definitely better
My parents were definitely better
You said that with the same level
Of like certainty
That you earlier said
He had a better childhood
Than all of us
Same level of confidence
As if you never switched positions
Son
My man didn't have to do
No homework son
Think about when you're a kid
When you're a kid
You don't know about bills
You don't know about responsibilities
You just know about homework.
You don't got to do no homework.
That's a better childhood.
None.
You know how stressful that shit was?
You didn't do your homework.
You're on your way to school trying to do it on a subway.
Person next to you bumping your elbow while you're trying to fill out your fucking, you know, algebras.
You know?
That shit is stressful.
He didn't have none of that stress.
No, none of it.
The guy's life was way better than mine, even though it wasn't.
His mom was better than his because he didn't fully appreciate how his was better than mine.
Bro, your idea of what a kid wants in his life is just like a fucking 90s movie of what a kid envisions.
He's a blank check.
Yeah, I know.
Literally, that's what I was thinking of.
Blank check.
Exactly.
And with that blank check, what did he do?
Homework? Go-k do homework go-karts
go-karts
oh you're right
the guy could probably
do go-karts all the time
you know what he couldn't
do with that blank check
what's that
buy your apartment
that's a fact
that's a fact
that's a fact
you couldn't
you gotta get richer
so you could afford
that place
you know what the
sad shit is
I was thinking I was like man maybe I is? I was thinking, I was like,
man, maybe I should just buy my parents
shit.
Don't do that to them.
I was like, maybe I'll buy my parents shit, just let them live in it.
You know what I mean?
And have tons of money.
So they can just do whatever they want for the rest of their life.
That's sweet.
Yeah, that's a good idea.
Yeah, but that shit is mad expensive
yeah
I was gonna say
a Florida condo
and then you take it
I was like get a reverse mortgage
mom
figure your shit out
you know
you be thinking
you could pay off
your parents shit
and then you
you look at the finances
and you're like
how about you just
give me the phone bill
and I'll take care of it
bro you know what's crazy though
they paid theirs off
dude
you know
it is what it is
guys
suck it Shia there it, Shia.
There it is, Shia.
You can't pay off a motel, you fucking...
We can say it about a guy who hits women.
That's what we should call guys who hit women.
Yo.
That's facts.
I'm not going to say it.
You're not going to.
You got a Netflix special.
Until after Thursday.
Then your boy is going to release one in all capitals.
Come 2021, your boy's back.
Some merengues, Fonda?
We got to call them merengues from now on.
Dude.
Okay, I'm just saying, we can't start feeling bad for these child stars.
They didn't have no homework, and they had craft services.
Also go-karts, but think about craft services. what was the most important shit no no no what was the most important shit
no no think now i'm getting on your level right now what was the most important shit at lunch
what was the most important shit at lunch you're really trying to appeal to a former
that's what i'm saying at lunch you come through what was your snacks at lunch
what was your snacks desserts what type of dessert you snacks? Desserts. What type of dessert? Gushers.
You had gushers.
Cosmic brownies.
You have brownies.
You have pudding.
I ain't got no pudding.
You don't have any pudding?
Cosmic brownies, my shit.
Yep.
What is that?
Cosmic brownies.
Cosmic brownies?
Cosmic brownies with a little like-
Any little Debbie snack cake.
That white bitch is all right with me.
That white bitch is all right with me too, bitch.
Oh, the Swiss rolls, bro?
Come on now.
A honey bun or two?
Is that the movie he was in
A honey bun
That's the Jameel Hibbert dessert
Shout out to J-Hib
J-Hib could not walk
By this one bodega
Or any bodega
For that matter
Without going in
And getting a goddamn honey bun
He's addicted to that shit
Point is
At craft services
We didn't have to do that
We had maybe one snack
That we could go to school with
And then we would try to
Flip and flop
And try to hustle
Try to you know Do what we could do To get a and then we would try to flip and flop and try to hustle, try to do what we could do
to get a good snack for lunch.
Shit. I remember a motherfucker
came with an apple once.
Idiot. Trying to trade an apple
for some snack.
From Sour Belts for an apple?
Come on, bro.
Come on, bro. Paper bag
Sour Belts?
This fucking merengue
walking around with an apple you know what i mean
all i'm saying is that was a huge source of anxiety for a child you had to hustle you had
to hustle and you were judged yeah you know what i mean so he never had to go through that he had
craft services for anybody who's never been on
a movie you probably could have filled up your walk-in closet with a lot of dessert though let
me see if i had a walk-in closet i did i had my own walk-in closet and i'd be walking in that
shit bro i'll be honest with you you need to walk in yo this is how much walking you could lay in
that bitch hey bro jameel smashed a friend of mine on that walk-in closet once.
You turned it into a room.
You turned it into a room.
That's what we do over here, baby.
My parents loved me.
It's that simple.
One thing Shia never mentions is how fun it is to live in a motel.
Tell us why.
You never seen Suite Life of Zack and Cody?
No, I haven't. Well, you get to roll around on the bellhop carts for fun.
Now they don't have bellhop carts for motels, Mark.
I've never been in a motel.
I know you haven't.
My parents love me.
I don't know.
Hey, Shia, you sound like a real bitch right now, honestly.
Poor ass Shia.
For real, dude.
It's just shocking to me that we could feel bad for it.
Can we name any other problems as a kid?
Name a problem as a kid.
Your parents fighting.
Was his mom around?
Nope.
No.
Problem solved. That's problem as a kid. Your parents fighting. Was his mom around? Nope. No. Problem solved.
That's a good ass point. Problem solved.
That's a good ass point you got there.
Think about it. Going to bed
at any hour you want. You have a
bedtime as a kid, do you not? I did.
That shit was a little restrictive, to be honest.
It was restrictive. I felt
confined by my bedtime. Okay. Do you think
I had a bedtime? 9.30, confined by my bedtime. Okay. Do you think Shia had a bedtime?
Hey, 930, that motherfucker getting ready for Leno.
You know what?
You are damn right about that. He might stay up for Conan.
He might stay up.
Something I hate is I got TV privileges turned off at a certain time.
Was that at birth?
Yeah.
Because Mark hasn't seen any movies in his entire life.
Yeah.
That's a wild thing.
Before.
Yeah, but i've watched all
even stevens so you don't even know who shia labouf is outside of even stevens well he knows tv he
does know tv what time was tv off i was like 10 o'clock 10 o'clock that's reasonable hours
shia labouf got to make tv shia labouf got to make tv and he got to be literally he was probably
up until 12 o'clock sometimes.
Mm-hmm.
As a kid.
Midnight.
He saw midnight.
He saw midnight.
No kids saw midnight.
No kids bullied him, right?
He had security.
He had security.
Oh, wow.
He had security.
No bullies.
No bullies.
Also, he's a child star.
So that means he's only around other child stars.
You think they picked the ugly ass
little kids to be child stars you back the bitches right now yeah yeah okay let's go actually no
other shit there was there was that one kid from even stevens beans remember that kid okay no he
was retarded yo that little kid was retarded straight up that's why he called him beans i
thought that was right look up beans even steven he was his child actor on even stevens that was Look up Beans Even Stevens Tell me he ain't retarded Tell me he ain't retarded
Look me in my eyes tell me he ain't retarded
And they called him Beans that was wildly offensive
Yeah he might be a little bit
Yeah he's vaccine injured for sure
But he
Oh we gotta get that vaccine by the way
He was a weird looking kid
And then he grew up and now he just still looks
Just like him but weird
Go to that top right one Where his bald on the top And then he grew up and now he just still looks fucking... Just like him, but weird. Weird. It looks like the Grinch.
Yeah, yo.
Go to that top right one where he's bald on the top.
So that's to your point.
Do they ever have ugly child actors?
The answer is yes.
Hey, yo.
Yes.
Yeah, that's a wild boy right there.
My man got extra chromosomes for sure.
Beans from Even Stevens works as a Santa's helper at the mall.
That's disrespectful when they like...
That's fucked up.
You can't have a regular job after being a child actor.
You got no education, son.
You fucking, you gave it all up, bro.
You fucked your whole argument with that one.
You took the queen's gambit and you lost that bitch.
Yo, does that bitch ever end up winning in that shit?
I didn't watch a single episode.
God damn.
I watched the first one.
I want to get back in the kitchen.
That's funny.
I tried to convince me that shit was good.
I didn't know. You didn't know that's what we do.
We start and shit. Like, yo, there's fire.
You let someone else finish it.
If it's hot, you go and get it.
That's how we work. I didn't watch a single episode.
Fuck that. Yeah, I watched the one
and I was like, alright. Watch the notes
up there, B, because
you see the notes and they read the notes.
Oh, yeah. I put it where it's at
oh you can't see it?
100% even though you zoomed out?
okay good
I'll be writing crazy shit up there
Patreon level notes
alright guys let's take a break real quick
let me tell you something
I have not been sleeping great lately
why? I don't know maybe I'm a little stressed
because I gave my best friend... Sorry, do that again. All right, guys, let's take a break real quick. Yes, I'm gonna be
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yo okay ready so uh mike pence yeah um he merengue'd up to the podium
Think about it
He was running gay
But like me run gay
Is how you actually spell merengue
Oh shit
I know it's crazy
Yo they be trying to get that Latin vote however they can
100
I haven't seen this yet
Let me see these hips sway
It's embarrassing dog
I mean it is truly
You can't say you're straight and run like that Let me see these hips sway. This is embarrassing, dog. I mean, it is truly...
You can't say you're straight and run like that.
You own being gay?
He's clapping like a monkey with cymbals.
This shit is hilarious.
That is a shoe sale run, bro.
But you don't think that's gay?
I don't think that's gay.
Nah, son, that is a cheerleader, bro.
Why is that gay? My man was moving, bro.
You don't think he was moving for an old man? It takes me three to four steps. Joe Biden had a way cooler run. Why is that gay? How would you run? My man was moving, bro. You don't think he was moving for an old man?
It takes me three to four steps.
Joe Biden had a way cooler run.
Joe Biden's run?
And he broke his whole foot.
My man is in a cast right now.
Yeah, worth it, though, because he did that shit like a man.
Yeah.
He looked like he was back to life.
Like, I thought they had a body double, and they just swapped it out right before he hit the stage.
Like, that shit was impressive.
I'm just saying, you don't think that's a good run for an old man?
How many steps does it take you to get into your rhythm with running i'm 37 it takes me
a good two three steps for my feet straight son he's in a whole lot of rhythm here so yeah that's
rhythm what's a song playing in the background yo y'all are hating he started with i think
boys are playing in the background oh shit y'all are really hating bro who's my man in the back
trying to walk straight yo go to my man in the back that just smashed him out.
Watch it again.
The dude in the back is walking like he don't want people to know he just fucked Mike Pence.
Watch, watch.
Right here, getting out the front.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, let me get to something.
I got to get there immediately.
No, but you know who did the fucking, though?
Who?
That guy.
That guy.
That guy at the top.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Pence takes a dick for sure, dude.
Yeah, but this is a cheerleader run, yo.
It's halftime is over.
Yeah. Team is going to rally, and they're going to lead the way. Yeah, but this is a cheerleader run, yo. It's halftime's over. Yeah.
Team is going to rally, and they're going to lead the way.
Yeah, yeah.
Y'all hate.
Pence was in charge of the music at the fucking Trump shows, huh?
Oh, shit.
Yeah.
The YMCA?
Yeah, all that shit.
That's all Pence.
Oh, shit.
Dude, how did YMCA become so gay?
I mean, I think it was gay.
No, but like-
The song was because it was gay,
but he said,
how did the YMCA become a gay place?
Yeah, it was Young Men's Christian Association.
Christian is in the name.
Because it's mad repressed.
Mike Pence is mad Christian.
It's mad repressed gay people.
So the repressed gays would go to the YMCA
and just get stroked.
Just blow each other, dog.
That's the only place you could do it safely.
I think it was also just the biggest one.
So it was like a national chain of gyms that people could be naked and chilling in.
Oh, and gay guys are always gay at the gym.
That's where they spend a lot of time.
If you're going to get stroked out, I think it would probably be at a gym.
And then the most popular gym is the one people know, oh, if I'm in a new town, I'm going to get a stroke.
You think that's how gay people got in shape?
They were just fucking there so much?
They were like, I might be here.
I might as well.
You guys want to lift a weight or two?
Honestly, dude. they're like come on i'm here honestly dude ah and it's also so it's a gym also commonly
associated with providing temporary housing to men see how i'll try to act like he's reading that
he knows that shit we know where you dormed at in college
come on man it's like a homeless shelter? How'd you pay tuition?
Yeah, I guess so.
Something.
Well, they used to back in the day.
They don't anymore.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
All right.
All right.
Beyonce's clothing brand, Ivy Park, gets backlash after posting an ad featuring these two models who are Russian but present to be black.
I cannot wait.
I cannot wait. I cannot wait.
So these are white models that try to act like they're black.
Yeah.
I believe them.
You believe what?
Yo, they look black.
Slow down.
Them's some black ass girls, yo.
I believe them.
Wait, but just click, click so we can get a little closer.
Find the blackest ass picture of this girl.
Because that one in the top middle does not look black.
That's just Wheezy right there, bro.
Tell me that ain't Wheezy.
Wheezy's white.
Yeah, yeah.
Wheezy is half white.
Wheezy doing the same shit.
She presents black.
Oh, shit, bro.
But these, they're just Russian.
So they got no black whatsoever.
They got no clean.
Honestly, I think there's a reach to think that she's black.
I don't see her as black at all.
That shit to the right right there, that looks a little bit black.
Nah, you keep going.
There's some black ass pictures out.
It's not scrolling to the right ones.
We'll go to the next girl.
Stassi Baby is the best friend of Kylie.
She's got like, well, that's the next one I saw listed.
That look like black Miley Cyrus.
A little thicker.
This is the other one.
That's Stassi Baby.
Okay, but that girl's not trying to be black.
But go to the Ivy Park ad for that.
Because that's the thing.
She's thick as fuck.
Be friends with Kylie, 10 million followers.
But she looks like she'd be heavy a bit.
Not like in a...
Al can't even focus anymore.
Yeah, Al, you good?
Al Dick keeps slamming against the bottom of the table in front of him.
Someone knocking on the door
um nah she's a little thick john little thick piece of work but
go back to them fake black chicks go to the ivy park ad please al and then just no but they took
they took the picture down so i think that's the issue is like one like they look like they're kind of biting this whole black culture but also
that beyonce of all people would feature them in one of her ads right black is king like it's that
i think it's compounding it was some random brand that cast these chicks and be like whatever
them some black ass girls yo this is actually the ivy park picture oh yeah they are definitely
friends now here's the problem that's weenie and mandy she
keep losing weight yeah they do be posing like that they wear the same shit they pose the same
so here's here's the problem that's whorehive right there i know whorehive when i see whorehive
what's up what's the problem i'm waiting i just gotta it out. Let him get it all out. It's out. He likes it.
It's out.
He likes it.
The problem is Beyonce doesn't okay everything with Ivy Park.
I doubt she's even involved in the slightest.
She has other people that do the work for her,
and she attaches her brand to it.
So those people down the line are hiring these models these no-name
russian models and then beyonce gotta find out she hired fake black chicks if anything she probably
looked at the final pictures for approval she's not there and honestly if anything there's no way
there's zero chance she's in casting looking at names yes i agree with you if anything
no way yeah i i think the only thing she looked at
is what the clothes look like because here's the thing is this the ad like on the ivy park website
or is this like yeah is this their main banner is this just like oh yeah some random shit some
random one that they use for social or is it in some random h&m store or whatever the fuck right
i just think like she's so far removed and that's the dangerous thing when you say something is yours.
Anything that happens within it,
you're going to get the smoke.
So now you got to hope.
Now she literally got to have a conversation
with some of the people there
and be like,
don't hire no white people.
Make sure everybody's black.
That's the only way
we can be sure the smoke is not there.
Yeah, when a person is the brand,
they are ultimately responsible for
all the brand's transgressions,
regardless of if they're involved or not. If it's Tommy
Hilfiger that does some fuck shit, you go, oh yeah,
some intern at Tommy, sorry, as a company
we apologize. When it's just a single person
facing the public, you gotta be like...
And a public figure, because Tommy Hilfiger's
a guy, but you don't know him. I don't know what he looks like.
Yeah, of course. Beyonce is a public figure.
And if you're opinionated,
even worse.
See, but the weird thing about Ivy Park is that
they don't just show black women.
They show all types
of women on the site. That's actually a good point. People decided
they're presenting as black.
They decided it was appropriation,
but I don't think they tried to present as anything.
They got Asian chicks that
are trying to look black no i'm just saying
what are you saying out any race can be an ivy park model exactly i know
my bad but no you know i hear i hear what you're saying but those girls didn't look like they were
trying to be russian and they were wearing iv Park. They kind of looked as if they were presenting as black chicks.
It wasn't blackface, but it was like...
Kardashian type shit.
Even more, don't you think?
Tan skin, tight braids.
Yeah, and the one girl that had the frizzy...
I don't know what that's called.
Crimp.
It was like crimped, whatever.
Is that it?
Is that what it's called?
It is called that.
Why do you know so much about women's hair?
I grew up with three girls, bro. I grew up in a house full of girls guys you also love black girls though oh yeah that'd be loving
them black chicks bro duh dove oh can we talk about it what his first son oh you like that one
yeah andrew knows my first yeah i know yeah that's amber bro wow it blew my mind what oh dove has always fucked way hotter girls not
even just that she's hot but it's like oh i that girl is everywhere yeah she's a lovely person
this guy i honestly it don't make any sense you look like a jewish josh acardo
and you're just getting just you went real specific with that. Just for you, Dove.
Literally just for me.
Nobody else could know Shouts is Josh.
Just for you.
But Dove has been batting out of his league.
Is that the word?
Yeah.
Outkicking his coverage.
Outkicking his coverage the entire time I've known him.
It is unbelievable.
You would not believe how hot the girls at Dove fucks are.
To the point where I've had on multiple occasions asked if he pays to hot the girls that dove fucks are to the point where i've had on multiple occasions
asked if he pays to fuck them out of my life i've been like how is it possible we're talking about
like 10 10s and dove is a very charming guy he's a very funny guy yeah right but he looks like he
could be selling bread in morocco right Morocco. But still pulling while selling bread.
Exactly. Unbelievable.
No, I don't see that second part. I see the bread.
Unbelievable.
I'm baffled by it.
It blew my mind.
Have you seen it happen?
No. I want to.
There's also ones in the sports world.
Andrew, do they know about the one in the sports world?
Who's the one in the sports world?
He wants to show off.
I just want to show off if you're going to have me in here.
This is a sports podcast.
All your fans want you to talk sports.
Okay.
Remember.
Bring up conflict within the audience.
You get both.
I think they like both, obviously.
But remember Miss Alabama?
No.
Remember the girl that was featured during the BCS Bowl?
And the announcer was like,
Oh, yeah, Brent Musburger.
It was the Alabama National Championship.
And he was being mad creepy about this hot girl in the audience.
It was some football player's girl.
Catherine Webb and AJ McCarron.
Yeah.
They're happily married with kids.
Look at that.
She is.
I mean, that is. Who was the boy before yeah and he was like look at that she is i mean that who was the who was the
the boy before that wow you know you'd be getting these girls she came up before they come up
good luck chuck believe me like after me they really go places you don't glow up after you get
done man what are you doing bro you gotta adapt if if if you're charming and you see that they think
you're charming go with that if they're annoyed by you keep talking their ear off until they just
give up and they're like all right fine i'll give you that chance and never feel like you're getting
turned down so it is unbelievable i've seen him go through hell he was just like yeah if they hate
you you just keep talking to them
no no no
they'll love you
bro it is
I'm not questioning
I don't
I believe you
I'm just like
my mind is not understanding
how that works
there's a way you can
can never get turned down
there's a way
school the audience buddy
because this is fascinating
I'm just saying
it's like a
non-douchey pickup artist
it's like a
non-douchey pickup artist where it's like you go with a con
make them think like they just met like oh if not oh he's a nice guy he's my friend i can always
dial it back to there and then i'm like all right if i gotta i gotta play a longer game in this but
they'll come around by the way what i'm what way, what Andrew knows is I'll get them the first night or six months later,
but six months later, they'll fall in love with me like they never had a love like that before.
But you have to describe the 49% gay thing.
Oh.
Also, with these girls, if they say no, you would leave them alone, right?
Leave them alone, but they come back.
You know how to leave them alone.
What are you doing?
Bro, you got to help him.
I'm trying to give you comfort. And the worst case you doing? Bro, he's trying to help you.
He's trying to give you coverage.
And the worst case scenario is I tee up Andrew, or I used to.
I'm out the cane, bro.
Don't get me.
What you doing?
Used to.
Used to.
Jesus Christ.
I was the classic opener.
No, the 49%?
Okay, so part of Dove's game is pretending to be gay.
Not pretending.
I just understand them.
Okay, what does that mean?
It's unbelievable.
What the fuck does that mean?
It's unbelievable, bro.
It's unbelievable.
This is fascinating, dog.
It's unbelievable.
I want to spend time on this.
Go, go, go.
They don't know if he's gay or not
until they're sucking his dick.
They're sucking his dick
and he's like complimenting the tracks in their hair.
Like, oh girl, you're killing him with that hair.
I like your barrettes.
Those extensions are crazy.
Is that crimp?
So they have to understand the background.
It's like as many friends like Andrew I had,
I grew up in a house.
Well, my parents are fashion designers.
So I knew the fashion game.
I have two sisters, year older, year younger.
So I learned everything on that.
Let me interrupt real quick.
We're going to get back to it.
Another thing that he does,
like, you know how like Mark is filled
with like useless knowledge about like um like science
this yeah so like mark dove is is the same but about girls but since mark never fucked he didn't
know what you know about girl shit so dove has all that like he'll walk up to a girl and he'll
like smell her and he'll be like oh is that uh that fucking truffle can take down any perfume there's about 12 to 15 perfumes in the library
and most girls 80 i would say 80 of girls probably use one of 10 to 15 perfumes and i could call
these things out and whatever reason it's just like that becomes an opener opener so i just so
it's unbelievable so it's like
you've never seen it happen and he'll find one little thing like a girl will be like yeah i'm
actually from santorini he'll be like bernie batzi and it's like how do you know bernie batzi
like he'll know one useless thing about everything in the world useless and he'll be able to like
oh yeah of course and there's a little french restaurant by the way with the little crostinis
oh my favorite place with the crostinis.
The best crostini in the game.
No wisdom.
Just pure facts that start the process.
Start the conversation.
The process.
The process.
He starts to wear on you after a while, but they don't know.
Son.
You know what I'm saying?
The person he said he wanted to like, oh, I was trying to fuck her for so long.
I was just like, you're out.
Shut the fuck up. Oh, no, no, no. That's her for so long i was just like you're out shut
the fuck up oh no no no that's saying the names of just like these people you're looking at dove
you're like stop feeding me bullshit like you have any chance with this girl it's unbelievably
real and then you see who he actually fucks and you're like it's unbelievable it's unbelievable
it's unbelievable what dove does with girls you do it comedy it's like you just know something
about every fucking culture
it just blows people's mind exactly i should have been focused on fucking perfume shit just learn a
few of those real talk dude so he'll do all these little things on all these little he'll know like
nail color like he'll be like a specific color if it's like a super dark you and i will go with
the girl we'll be like like oh i like that you super dark purple. You and I will go with the girl. We'll be like, oh, I like that.
You got some red, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And Dove will go like this.
He'll be like.
It's ox blood.
Yeah.
It's Linkin Park.
Don't cook your mouth like that.
There's literally Linkin Park After Dark by OPI.
And you'll be like, that little fact.
Yeah, it's a name.
For the girls listening, they'll be like, yep, that's an actual real color.
Are we getting in the wide what dumb looks like?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right.
I look like you.
I know, but you're cute.
You're a pussy.
But you're cute.
You could have.
You had to put the effort in.
You had to learn.
I need to learn about sports.
I know, like a fucking. I i look like him and i have my game
if i had his eyes forget it forget it done but it's you gotta see that you also another thing is
um no shame we'll talk to anybody any girl doesn't matter the situation no shame and also like when
he approaches them it's kind of like funny it's, they don't even know they're really being approached.
Yeah.
Because you don't see it coming.
That's why I never feel like I'm getting turned down and they don't see it coming.
Yeah.
Oh.
I say, thank you, gay.
Yes.
It's okay.
But how do you transition out of gay?
It's okay.
Because they slowly realize, I don't need to tell them.
They will slowly realize, oh shit, he's not gay.
He's not a Brad Chad, like, bro-y guy.
He knows everything I like.
Did I just fall in love?
Like, I'm telling you.
So what is a girl's biggest, like, fear, if you will?
And I'm not talking about real fear, like, their life.
But, like, what is their biggest, like, obstacle when meeting a person, right?
Like, they'll get murdered or something?
Well, I think that's, like, the real crazy ones. But if it's an average guy it's like he's gonna try to fuck me
and i just don't want to be bothered oh yeah he wants something from me yeah and i think dove
presents in such a mysterious way because he's so non-threatening he's funny he can talk about
anything but like the girl doesn't pick up on that he's trying to fuck me vibe so there's no threat
and she actually kind of like i don't know it's all what's it called what is it uh you
have your arm you have your defenses down your shields are all down so then
she actually starts talking that's a guard down the guard is down if you were
like a super good-looking dude you'd probably do worse the girls I'm a super
good-looking dude languages in my
I got languages in my arsenal I got a whole arsenal
That's what makes a dude gorgeous
Yo what's the best part
Best looking part about you
Tall, dark, handsome
Languages
If you close your eyes
I'm beautiful
You're like what?
Just listen to me
This is interesting
So Dove didn't know
He was okay looking
Until
Right now
He doesn't believe it
Until 20 seconds ago
He doesn't believe it
But he didn't know
He was mom dog doting Oh 100% He didn't know he was okay looking until dating apps and i remember those things i remember
once dating apps came out and it was just a meat market i remember him like telling
he came to me we're having sushi we're having he take me to this place at
sushi in la and of course it's like on th Thursdays between like six and eight, you get like 50% off,
right?
So we're there at like 5.59 and he's fucking truffling with the waiter like, ah, I know
it's not six, but can we order now?
He's just trying to get over it.
What perfume is that?
And she's like in like some like Asian accent, obviously probably Japanese.
Like she's trying to go, oh, the system doesn't allow you to do it.
And he's like, ah, but just tell the chef.
And he's like, it's a minute.
Just wait 60 seconds, fast talking him so so we're there and uh he starts i was like
how's everything going you don't have a girl yet or he said i'm getting crushed by this fucking
dating app shit i go i think he talks about like the stock market yeah we're getting a bath on
we're selling we're selling all right they go i, what do you mean? I shorted Tinder.
I fucked up.
Got on Bumble.
Put all my eggs
in the Bumble basket.
What do you mean
you're getting crushed?
He goes, yeah,
it's just a fucking
meat market out there, right?
And they don't get
the, what is it?
What do you call it?
They don't get the shtick.
I can't do a thing.
I go, what do you mean?
Well, it's just a picture
and my stats aren't great.
You know what I mean?
How do you show
you're gay on Tinder? What do I do? How do i do with the thing what's a guy to do on tinder i mean
you need me to suck a dick on my profile what's going on so and it is a fascinating thing to
happen where like dating apps kind of fucked guys with game yes that weren't quote-unquote traditionally uh handsome like a fucking
the brad chad types or the brad chad types girls are 100 getting guys with worse personalities
now because of dating apps oh yes because you're just swiping on they complain about it and the
thing is you know how it used to be like you'd go to a bar and then girls said oh it's just a
girl's night tonight we're not really talking to guys like now it's for real that they're doing it
like now it's because they have 50 guys
that they're literally each matching.
On the way, by the way,
on the way to your engagement party,
Andrew puts us on a sprinter bus.
Thank you, but it was nice.
In the backseat in the third row.
He complained.
Thank you, it was nice.
Send me my car.
Do you know the apartment that I grew up in, bro?
Do you know what I grew up in?
You expect to get the same car as the fucking groom and bride?
Are you going to the hotel like, they got the honeymoon suite?
I got the two queens.
My entitlement issues are waggled, by the way.
The way that he worked, I could see his fucking brain working.
We get to the engagement party, right?
There's the tables, right? The tables have like a seating thing right now like i don't put
any thought into this seating thing i'm just like i just want some people to know like you know sit
next to each other and i want to make sure there are any singles that they're around right dove
starts like truffle sniffing for the what the name placements are and he sees he's like at the table
that me and emma are at a little down and uh i point and i go yeah yeah you're over are and he sees he's like at the table that me and em are at a little down and uh i point
and i go yeah yeah you're over there and he goes uh and he goes oh okay things are going according
to plan tonight like yes i'm like snarky like he was literally gonna be upset he was gonna be upset
if he wasn't at the fucking table hundred percent because the other girl didn't have a date
either so you both had to sit next to each other way to set up so that girl was in the back third
row in the little bus on the way over there and i one girl tells the other girl like oh what are
you doing tomorrow night i don't know i'll go on a date let me check hinge literally didn't even
know who she was going to talk to just to plan that night so what i'm saying is back in the day
guys that would go up to girls andrew was also one
of these guys before like that was we won we did it because we were brave it benefited us bravery
was beneficial back in the day and then the dating app shit it definitely rewards cowards does it
swing back though so now women are this generation's having these like sort of lackluster dates where
like i'm hooking up these hot guys but it's just like meaningless i feel nothing and then it swings back do you know what i to that point you know
what i heard a girl say one of my my girlfriend's friends said this recently i was like uh she said
she was going on a date and i was like how'd you meet the person and then she said this in like a
surprise tone she was like uh he actually like came up to me in person yeah like like like that
was novel yeah right and she was like yeah i
thought it was like really hot he just like walked up to me and he just like started talking to me
and then like asked me out and said like to go on a date to them that's foreign but the chutzpah
if you will still resonates man cables are turning it's still fucking resonating come back
your shot learn your perfumes.
Anyway. I mean, after COVID, do you guys think about what it's going to be like in the world?
Is it going to be dated?
I think it's going to be the roaring 20s.
The great Gatsby people are going to be...
They're going to be going for it.
They're going for it.
Really?
Florida.
Think about that.
Someone's going to say, have a rule or be tense about one thing.
I'm going to look them in the face and be like, COVID.
Have you ever been badly rejected by a girl?
Like she just like was just like really.
Yeah, but I live in L.A. and there's some horrible people in L.A.
No, no.
The worst thing, the thing that offends me the most.
Not to my face.
People don't offend me to my face.
He's never going to admit this.
Flakes.
He's never going to admit this.
I'll tell you the worst rejection.
I'll admit.
I will admit.
They're horrible people.
They're horrible.
They're vicious.
If you don't fuck me, you're a horrible human.
Kyle, you're a family.
Oh my God.
No, no.
The worst is not to your face.
Who raised you?
Your father? You ever met someone they didn't
like you yeah i know some idiots that was a fucking absolutely flaking has increased out of
tenfold oh yeah would you guys agree canceled on right getting canceled so to my face no but we
don't agree we're all married yeah over here so you were getting flaked on and you've never
experienced this you couldn't believe it and also you weren't closing
the deal and you were really upset financially because the date would cost a certain amount of
money i calculated it it would put it all in numbers this really is a stock market
it's the truffle bro the truffle this is a stock market bro that's crazy so what i wonder are your
standards super high like do you have a pretty high average?
Absurd.
But clearly, it works.
What's the ugliest girl in terms of ratings that you've ever taken down?
Like a four?
Like a Miss McGregor?
Honestly, you know what I think it is?
I don't go under a seven.
I think because he is gay, partly.
49%.
The girls need to be so beautiful that like you know how like
yes
oh that they look like guys
or something
not that they look like
androgynous
just like
when you get to a shirt
the pressure to turn him on
is so high
yes
like a nice jawline
I'm not getting turned on
for anything
because most of me is gay
so the straight part of me
needs a much
oh like
a straight guy sees
like a girl with big titties
that's super ugly
and goes
I can work with that she's got big titties but right but if you got 49 you say 49 but they need to understand what that means you know what i mean
they say 49 percent
he's saltbated real quick real quick okay so i think like you can get to a point of good looking right
like there are guys that are like let's say these like male models that look almost like
effeminate but you can look at them you can be like you are an attractive human being yeah i
don't want to fuck you you're some dude but at the same time i'm not gonna lie and say you're not a beautiful looking person i love cobra kai that's 49 i'll
tell eat i'll tell a guy gorgeous but i don't want that so gorgeous but i can say it because i think
once you go to 51 you're you're gay like there's no i don't think, 51 and 99, you just like guys. I could say, like, that guy is a good-looking dude.
I want that guy's eyes and abs, but I don't want to be with them sexually.
My girl brought up a point the other day that she asked you, she said, why can't you be 50-50?
No, because it goes over the line.
It goes over the number.
No.
That's bisexual.
There's no such thing as that for guys.
There's no such thing. Yo, is that true about uh what star lord's character yeah marvel decided chris pratt's character was gay that's his
punishment for that is so funny that's foul that shit is he's already fucking aliens you will make
him fuck more shit son then his girl green son and you know what chris isn't it yeah in the thing
gamora yeah gamora's green what, they said he's bisexual?
So now I guess his character's gonna come out as bisexual?
And you know they're doing that shit on purpose, bro?
You think they negotiated with him?
You gotta make more?
They're like, yo, your character's gay.
And he's like, best I can do is buy.
We'll go, we'll split it with you.
We'll split the difference.
And that was because he said some shit, right?
Or the church he goes to.
The church he goes to.
Yo, honestly, that's what this is.
It might be his idea.
Is it a PR move where he goes, I'm not gay.
Or I'm not anti-gay.
I'm so not anti-gay.
I'm going to be a gay character.
I'm going to deal with all these homophobic rumors for as long as I exist in Hollywood
as a Christian.
If I play the gay character, I won't go all the way gay,
like you're saying,
I'll go half Cs.
If I play that,
I can't be called homophobic
because I leaned into it.
That's a brilliant PR move by him.
Here's the thing.
Who is in co-starring with him
in the newest Guardians of the Galaxy?
I don't know.
Do you know?
One sexy motherfucker.
What happens at the end of Avengers Endgame
Thor
Chris
Chris Hemsworth
Is in that ship
With him remember
And there's that whole scene
It's really funny
About I'm the captain
Oh yeah
Of course you are
They're actually really funny together
And they were
Sexual attention before
And now there's
It's real
Now it's fucking real dude
Man that's gonna be so
Oh yeah
Dude if you're bi
You're definitely getting Sm smoked out by Thor.
100%.
He's got literally...
You go like this and your dick is going to fly into it.
He's got literally a hammer.
That's his whole weapon.
I would go 51% for Chris Hemsworth.
Would you go 51% for Chris Hemsworth?
No, but in Thor, when he took off that shirt...
Who would you go 51% for?
It's like an auction.
Can I get 50, 50, 50, 51, 51?
Just know it. I will tell all the guys who I get 50, 50, 50, 51, 51.
I will tell all the guys who are good looking,
that's a good looking guy.
Saying someone's good looking, you don't have to be gay.
That's literally math.
All I know, seeing four guys look at me right now,
the second I name a name,
don't you guys do something on this guy at the same time?
You think it's like Nickelodeon?
You think you're going to get slimed or some shit?
We also jerked off. The orange bl You're going to get slimed or some shit? We all search for it all the time.
The orange blimp is going to dump the thing on me?
No, but Chris is a gorgeous man.
Yeah, you have such high standards for women.
I'm trying to see who's your guy standard.
Yeah, do you have high standards for guys?
Or do you like, you'll just take any old thing?
I'm sure some women that are trying to have sex with you
are wondering who you think the hottest guy is.
So like if you were to like casually chat him up, what would you say?
I think Chris Hemsworth is a piece.
Piece, right?
Sober piece.
Grab him by his ponytail.
That just worked, bro.
That just worked.
Yeah, that was good.
You did it.
But you're not going to be with Chris Hemsworth.
Never.
Never.
I want his abs, his eyes, the flowy hair like Mark's.
Nope.
Yes.
He's dead inside of you.
Never.
It's an easy.
That's why the whole 49% thing is super easy
i could always give then girls like that like i could talk to a girl be like oh that who like
the girl's friend and they're talking about a guy oh let me see your guy oh that guy's pretty
made up a thing that guy's pretty cute yeah and then it just allows him to relate to girls
because he's not good looking enough to get them just off looks. By the way, also...
Yo, that's disrespectful.
I want to see if he gets that.
I want to see if he gets that.
But also, another one of my moves, I'm like...
Why are you throwing shade?
I have a lot of gay friends.
Have gay friends.
That also helps you with girls.
Oh, do the gay friends try to throw it at you, though?
No, no, no.
Once they know they're fun and they're flirting, I love them.
I love my gays.
And they will help you.
Do they ever go at you?
Do they try to grab Schmeckle?
No, no, no.
Schmeckle?
Schmeckle after Schmeckle?
You've never had them come after Schmecks?
Nope.
Never once.
I felt mad good the other day.
Like, you know when you're wearing some fly shit,
and dude's like, oh, that's ill, whatever.
Dove commented on my outfit, and that's different when you get a comment from me.
Yeah, when you get a gay, like a 49% gay.
Nah, he was like, yo, that's a really nice outfit. I'm like,
alright, I look good. Which outfit was it?
I don't even know. It was with the gold, but I think,
don't you New Yorkers love when we comment on your
Jordans and your, like, he was wearing, like,
a hat and leather. You said the whole outfit.
Like, the whole outfit with the cat.
He said the whole outfit, sir.
He said, don't take that back, sir. You said the whole outfit. Oh, now you want the whole outfit with the cat. He said the whole outfit, sir. Don't take that back, sir.
You said the whole outfit.
Oh, now you want the whole outfit.
Al wants all 49%.
He wants all 49%.
I want my stroke.
Ego stroke.
You said the whole outfit.
No, Al is the flyest dresser.
Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.
Forget that.
I want that. Al is my favorite dresser in the studio, for sure. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. Forget that. I want that.
Al is my favorite dresser in the studio, for sure.
That's disrespectful, bro.
Sorry.
That's disrespectful.
Sorry.
I liked it.
I mean, that's disrespectful, bro.
I love you, though.
Nah, Al does dress well.
I mean, I dress better than Al, but Al does dress well.
But my suit game is better than all yours.
That's all I care about.
Everything else, I go basics.
My suits are good.
You did that LA all black shit.
I hate that shit.
It's slimming.
I'll try to get back at you for taking away his compliment.
Because they took the New York shit.
Now you're stupid ass all black.
Stupid fucking stupid LA shit.
I'm wearing your slides.
Fucking losers.
I got Crocs at home.
They took the New York shit.
That used to be our shit.
What, wearing all black?
Yeah.
We still do. Yeah, but now it's an outfit for them the black i just did it because it was slimming
like every my colleagues would stop wearing white t-shirts you could see the lines like all right
it was getting thick yeah i'm better that was getting thick bro he's really pulling bro
i remember him getting fat and being like there's no way he's still
like an orbit of a planet
you just get stuck in that shit spinning around
all right fellas what else we got a vaccine y'all taking it we don't need it we don't need it bro
let him work out the kinks it's just like waiting for the next iphone you know what i mean yeah yeah
what do you think i say that only because somebody reached out uh to me in the dinks. She's like waiting for the next iPhone. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you think about that? Let's just not say that.
Only because somebody reached out to me in the DMs and he was like, his uncle got COVID.
Yeah, he sent me that.
And then about like two months later, his uncle got COVID again and actually passed away.
So let's not spread that rumor that you can't get it twice.
All right, guys.
Let's pay some bills real quick.
And you know how we're going to pay bills?
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else we got man we just went all through all that fire we got some more fire we got some more fire
for that anus oh do you want to talk vaccine oh actually yeah we were talking real quick this
is gonna sell chris pratt yeah go back to that i think what he's gonna do is be like hey i'm
bisexual we don't need to show it in the movie because I don't want to portray him differently
as the character the character
just happens to be bisexual
he's in love with Gamora he just happens to be
bisexual so you don't have to write no gay shit
in his thing he just plays the character
normally and be like why would I
change the way I act just because I'm bisexual
it has no impact on who I am
it's like Spongebob
now he woke cause I didn't change the character I see everybody as equal because I'm bisexual. It has no impact on who I am. It's like SpongeBob. Now he, yeah, yeah. Interesting.
Now he woke.
Now he's woke.
Because I didn't change the character.
I see everybody as equal.
Ah,
they Dumbledore'd him.
Dumbledore the boy.
Dumbledore was gay?
Yeah,
for now.
Really?
That was J.K. Rowling's whole shit.
She was just calling everyone gay and stuff.
Yeah.
In like a good way.
How do you figure Dumbledore's gay?
What'd he do to his gay?
She just said he was gay
after the books were written.
But what'd he do to his gay? I mean, dress? after the books were written but what do you do to his gay I mean dress yeah he wore dress all time
he's a wizard mad sparkly
his beard was really well kept
Harry Potter was a wizard he wore slacks
yeah no he wasn't he was a wizard apprentice
he wasn't a full wizard yet
at the end he ain't wearing no motherfucking gown
he's wearing pants from express
when he was at the end with
his kids, that's different. Wizard ass man. Because he was
at the motherfucking nine and three quarters, son. You can't
go to nine and three quarters dressed in your
wizard outfit. They gonna know. You're a
muggle. What other? Muggle?
You're a muggle. Muggle, muggle.
Yeah. What does your gay
dar say about Dumbledore?
She said he was gay.
No, what does your gay dar say? What do you say? In real life, nah. He's not gay. Now, the dude from Lord She said he was gay. No, what did your gay dog say?
What did you say? In real life, no.
He's not gay.
Now, the dude from Lord of the Rings is gay.
Which one?
In real life.
Sir Ian McKellen.
Sir Ian McKellen.
That's actual.
You have Sir in your name, yeah.
Hold up, hold up.
Wait, Star Trek?
That's what they call gay people in England.
Magneto is gay in real life.
Nah, B.
Patrick Stewart is gay, yo.
Nah, he's not gay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fuck out of here. Fuck out of here, yo.
Fuck out of here.
This guy is crazy.
Hold on, hold on.
He's gay.
I don't understand.
Is Magneto is gay or Gandhi's gay?
Which one of them are gay, bro?
No, I mean, I need to know this for real.
Magneto, in real life, Sir Ian McKellen, is gay.
And that dude's mad old.
He's been gay for a long ass time.
Openly gay since 1988.
Nah, B.
Uh-oh, Al.
Why does this sound like a local restaurant?
Openly gay since 88.
Yo, more like Gandalf the gay.
Oh, man.
Nah, for real though, he's gay? Why would nobody make a big deal about that? gay. Oh, man. For real, though?
He's gay?
Why would nobody
make a big deal about that?
I think he's been gay
for so long.
Because the whole Lord of the Rings
is gay as fuck.
Why?
Them little boys
were gay for each other,
Sam and Frodo.
Yeah, they were gay for hours.
Hey, come on.
Cut that out, bro.
Sam got married at the end, dog.
To what?
Sam got married
to get into the blonde joint.
Y'all are real disrespectful, dude.
You talking about Orlando Bloom, that blonde fucking archer? That motherfucker right. Y'all are real disrespectful, dude. You talking about Orlando Bloom,
that blonde fucking archer?
That motherfucker right there
is a cute motherfucker right there.
51% bro.
51% right there.
Can I say something?
Can I say something?
That's an elf.
And elven people
do not count as human beings.
You can smash male or female elves.
Wait, is that true?
Yeah.
Yes.
I didn't know what the official ruling on that was. That's the official ruling. That makes is that true? Yeah. Yes. I didn't know
what the official ruling
on that was.
That's the official ruling.
That makes you feel
a lot better.
That's the official ruling,
yo, for real.
That motherfucker
with his little bow.
Shoot me, Cupid.
I see you, Orlando.
You know what I'm saying?
I'll show you something
that could bloom.
Nah, but for real, though, congratulations to you and Katy Perry on your marriage.
And I hope everything works out.
Oh, fuck.
But if it don't.
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Alright, what else we got, man?
Do you want to just answer if we're getting
a vaccine? None of y'all get it? I'm not getting a vaccine.
I'm waiting, yo. I'm cured. I'm cured.
I'ma wait. I'm cured. So that's
not a no. You're cured. That's not a
no. You're cured. Are
you getting it? I'ma wait. But what does that mean? After you wait, are you're cured are you getting it i'm gonna wait but what
does that mean after you wait are you gonna get it what does i'ma wait me yeah i'ma get the what
stupid answer was that the best non-answer hey let me ask you a question you could say the same
thing right um how could we waste three seconds on the podcast
yo he froze again.
Buffering.
I'm awake.
No, in all seriousness, come on.
Why wouldn't you get it?
I might get it down the road like six months or something because I heard the antibodies last for a few months.
That's what I've heard.
Bro, a few months was like...
Part of me thinks people like the rules
because it gives them comfort and structure.
And then as soon as you get it, you no longer have to abide like the rules because it gives them comfort and structure and then as soon as
you get it
you no longer have to
abide by the rules
you're actually
bothering me so much
you know
you pedantic ass
motherfucker
as soon as you get
corona
you got some
earthly knowledge
hey part of me
just had this revelation
that people like rules
because of structure
Dove does that same shit
but it's about lipstick
yeah I mean
technically the ones
that you spin
actually get mashed more what you can actually do
is get a tie people love the rules so much that as soon as they get corona they're like oh i don't
technically have to follow the rules so then that makes the rules dumb so they're like oh no i have
to think that the rules still apply to me because i can still get it he said he said you love the
rules he said you love the rules he called both y'all simps. He called y'all cucks. He called y'all fascists. That was a whole lot of nothing he just said.
He said nothing.
He said nothing.
He said nothing, yo.
That's the Marxist right there.
He just talking about religion right now.
That's what he talking about.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
You don't let him come at your religion?
Wait, what did he say?
Let me be mad.
Let me be mad.
What did he say?
All those rules that just gives you comfort and structure.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
But when you give it up, you really don't abide by them oh what's up that motherfucker done flipped it on you
hey hear the script he just got flipped i'm in a spin cycle big time
that was quick how'd you do that shit? I don't know, bro.
Yo, you did that so fast, Al. Son, you don't got no
Corona fog in your brain.
You on the other hand.
Is that a real thing,
Corona fog?
I heard.
But you heard so much shit.
What are you talking about
you heard?
You just heard every symptom?
That's real shit.
I wouldn't know.
I wouldn't know.
I didn't get corona.
Read up.
Read up.
Read up.
I said that shit
right in Al's face.
He was so serious. Nah, that's real shit. Read up. You said that shit. I don't see Al's face. He was so serious.
Nah, it's real shit.
Read up.
You guys got corona
because you don't believe in God.
He didn't protect you.
Oh, shit.
Unlike me.
You got it too.
No, I didn't.
And you got it the worst.
I tested positive.
You got it the worst.
I tested positive.
I did not get it.
You tested positive
because you got it
and people don't even know
the real symptoms you had.
Say the real symptoms.
I watched Mario Kart.
You watched Mario Kart?
He said not to mention the assets.
Corona fog.
Corona fog.
Corona fog.
I didn't watch it.
I had a corona fog, bro.
That was a real corona fog.
Here's what's going on.
There's fog in your brain, bro.
Oh, gosh.
Alex Media, they're so mad at me.
You had corona and you...
They are so mad because corona was feasting on them.
You had diarrhea?
Corona was feasting on them so much bro it was corona was feisty on them
his girl snitched on him son i was at home drinking my time his girl told us he had
explosive diarrhea i've never had it never happened she goes the multiple times i had
to hand some toilet paper in the bathroom
because he was finishing
rolls of toilet paper.
Wow.
He was just bleeding
out of his ass.
That's not true.
She said he took the laptop
in there and just started
working from the fucking toilet.
No.
Never happened, bro.
So how do you let Corona
fuck your butthole?
Bro, how did you let Corona
get in your mouth
in the first place?
Mouth is whatever,
but the Corona entered you
from the rear. It got in your mouth. You got rear fucked That shit is whatever. But the Corona entered you from the rear.
It got in your mouth.
You got rear fucked by the Rona.
You got Corona from Akash.
You got his germs all in your mouth, bro.
That is suspect.
That's what we do.
That's what we do, bro.
That's love, son.
51.
His germs are going up my sphinct.
What?
Yo, Corona got in your sphinct.
No, it wasn't.
I would never let Corona get that far down with me.
No, that was to Combi.
No.
Yes. Wait a minute. Mm-hmm. I had Mexican. I had Mexican that day. sphincter no it wasn't i would never let corona get that far down no that was to combi no yes
wait a minute i had mexican i had mexican that day no you didn't have mexican we didn't have
mexican the entire time because that lasted four days son like fuck out here what kind of yeah
sometimes i like to work from the bathroom what's wrong with that this she said this from the
bathroom ones you said this she said what did i say she said that he was he was in there with the diarrhea and then she just heard him go i'm sweating we don't have a fan in our bathroom that
shit went out and so now it gets humid and it was after a shower so it's all fogging up the
mirror you let corona do that no it's because it was really hot in the bathroom okay not because
of corona no i got pneumonia like a man son son have we told
people you got pneumonia yeah yeah your mom's about to freak the fuck out she listens to this
she's about to text all of us lies and deflections you had pneumonia this whole time alex
fucking with us that motherfucker
motherfucker was so in depth with his lies and deflections i love you bob
okay what else we got man we all getting vaccinated i'm already vaccinated by the
virus the virus vaccinated me but you think people take that answer though like you try to fly and
they're like oh you gotta have a negative test like or they're gonna be like they're doing that
in places i have a negative test where's your vaccine i not to, but I have to go get tested before I go to Hawaii.
What if they say you have to have
the vaccine in order to do shit?
Yeah, I'm going to get it. Then you got to get it.
Yeah, because I'm not going to start a
fucking crusade over something I already have.
That is some shit.
With your fucking rules and regulations, ask religion.
Start a crusade. That's what you do.
Catholics.
He said it so mean.
Let's go, son.
Did Catholicism ever get to India?
Nope.
Stopped you at the border.
Yeah, because it was so sweaty over there.
We'd be all in the bathroom being like,
it's so sweaty.
You're going to get the toilet paper for your diarrhea ass.
Alright, what else we got?
We got the big and solid
shits and rivers.
The Federal Trade Commission
is seeking to
a permanent injunction
in federal court
that could require Facebook
to divest assets
like Instagram and WhatsApp
calling for the company
to break it up.
Did you write this
or did you copy paste the title?
I kind of like
pieced it together.
Okay.
It was like a copy paste.
Fair enough.
Yeah.
Fair enough.
Because the real shit was bad long and I was like, I got to get you.
That shit was heady, bro.
I got lost midway through that.
You said injunction.
I said, huh?
But yeah, I don't think that's right.
So what does that mean?
They're just basically blockbusting or like trust busting Facebook?
Yeah.
Listen, I'm all about trust busting, but don't be buzzing my business.
You know what I mean? We need Instagram right now. Facebook, I'm all about trust busting, but don't be busting my business. You know what I mean?
We need Instagram right now.
Facebook, you could take.
But Instagram, we need to use Instagram.
So as long as we can use the gram to get to the people.
No, but I think it's going to be on some like, oh, you got to break it up and then force
them to sell it to somebody else.
Like the fake shit they do at AT&T?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That fake ass shit.
Way to break up AT&T, guys.
You did a great job killing AT&T.
It's like this all around. Everything's fine.
You just made some other guy richer.
You're just handing the money over to someone else.
That's stupid.
You think maybe it makes the product better?
If Instagram completely separates from Facebook?
Nah, because I think that they both use each other's data.
I think in the data game,
it's just the more data you got, the better.
That's my assumption
but i don't know if you cross over data between instagram and facebook why wouldn't you i mean
must right no they do yeah have to so i think yeah the more data you have the better but like
these motherfuckers are gonna find a way around it but is there ever a case where that's okay for
the government to break up a company i mean yeah you had to do it i guess back in the day why like um
because there were unfair uh working practices not working practice because it was eventually
it hurts the consumer yeah it becomes so non-competitive yeah like the barrier to entry
into an industry is so high that it's like i mean the capitalists would say it's anti-capitalistic
yeah maybe just basically we have this like monopolistic but they were saying that about walmart 10 years ago and then amazon comes in the game and it's like yo i'm here my dad's
saying real quick some people argue that walmart should have been shut down years ago because what
will happen is a walmart will come into a small town they'll exist and then literally all the mom
and pop shops in that town that sell similar things to walmart will go out of business because
walmart will actually specifically undercut all of them with the products. They will lose money on those products
that competitors in the market are also selling. So be like, all right, you're exhibiting unfair
business practices because the whole idea of capitalism is that these different companies
compete and they lower the price while increasing the quality. That's the idea. But if there is no
competition, anti-capitalistic the reason why
amazon hasn't been chopped up yet is because it hasn't affected the consumer so it happens when
walmart's the only game in town this hasn't happened yet but essentially they could raise
prices to as much as they want but they don't they don't which is why it's good and the people
don't care but eventually let's say they got to the point where they could if they wanted to
then all of a sudden the people be like whoa whoa whoa, whoa, what the fuck? I don't like Walmart that much.
As long as the prices are low enough where the people are fine, the government I don't think cares about the average mom and pop shop.
That's my assumption.
So that's why Walmart hasn't been broken up or Amazon hasn't been broken up.
But Facebook, you don't have to pay to use it.
You don't have to pay to use Instagram.
You don't have to pay to use WhatsApp.
Consumer's not being affected.
So why does the company need to be broken up?
The mom and pop shops love it because it allows them to target people with the products
that they're selling this is the people don't want this well that's the thing is they're not
gonna just they're not gonna get rid of instagram or shit they're just gonna break them up or do
whatever they feel like they're different companies like whatsapp is a telecom company instagram is
it's like sony makes tvs they make movies like they go separately yeah i think
the craziest one is real quick dove just on this point i think that the reason why the government
is stepping in is because they feel a lack of control over the company yeah and they're just
like oh well maybe if we exhibit some control they'll start to play nice and we're existing
in a time where like corporations have more power than the government potentially.
And I think there has been times in history that probably mirror this.
I don't know, maybe like the big oil barons and shit like that.
Didn't somebody give a loan to the United States government to keep it?
Multiple times.
Rockefeller, but also Governor Morris, I believe his name.
He bankrolled the Revolutionary Army,
the Revolutionary War.
So this has happened multiple times.
But something will happen where the government will basically just big dick them.
But who knows what it is.
Now what you were saying, Doug?
I was saying like with Facebook and Instagram, you pay them for ads.
They take percentages here or there.
That model works for the consumer and the business. The thing that's scary is if you ever go to amazon
you see how you start like saying oh amazon's always pushing after i search for a product from
some mom and pop that has like their own product now they're pushing all these amazon basics
and they'll they have the data to say you know what i'm going to make this a dollar less than
the mom and pop so they're using your data against you that's going to be i think the future scary
thing we're using it for you in a way because you actually but again no but against if we're
going to say like we're all part of the mom and that's where it's egregious bro it's like if you're
going to be a marketplace for all of us to sell shit that's dope if you're going to start competing
for us on with us on your own marketplace it's like you're just being selfish right now so that's
a little too greedy right it's also worth noting with this this is just them calling for it so we
don't know we don't know if this goes through.
We don't know what happens.
This could just be saber rattling on their part where they're like, yeah, we're on to you.
And like you said, if you don't start handing over data, if you don't start doing our bidding, then we might have to come through and fuck it up.
It's like when they blow up your car in the mafia movies.
It's like they're not trying to kill you.
They're sending a message.
Yeah.
That's my thing.
All right, let's go.
Let's do one more, and then we got to get out of here.
Well, I know we talked on him.
We talked on Jake Paul earlier, but he's calling everybody out.
I think he's just calling anybody out that he can make some money.
This was the most extreme version, but yeah, I think he called Kanye out just for fun.
I think he's just like, I don't think Kanye is really going to fight.
But that is his amazing knockout that would get him Connor.
That's the one you were talking about before.
Oh, yeah.
But nobody would even think Kanye has a chance.
I think he needs to fight people that the people believe will beat him.
Right.
I think he has to be the underdog, in other words.
It has to be an athlete.
Yeah.
There's no entertainer that I think.
No rapper.
A hundred percent.
This is interesting, though.
Maybe we get out of here after this.
The Cleveland Indians changing their mascot?
Are they changing their name, too?
I mean, they're going to be Cleveland, but they're not going to be the Indians anymore.
Ah.
And after the next season, and then they're going to involve the fans to help them decide
on the future name and branding.
The fans are going to choose Indians.
The fans love it.
Everything but.
It won't be one of the, yeah.
They'll have probably like four choices or whatever. Right. I fans love it. Everything but. It won't be one of the, they'll have probably
like four choices
or whatever.
Right.
I don't know.
Yeah,
they'll probably just do
maybe a tribe
and then change the mascot.
It's funny.
I wonder if they just
all go the,
I mean,
this is not,
Europe didn't do this
for a reason,
but like with all
like the soccer teams
in Europe,
how they're just like
Barcelona Football Club
or FC Barcelona
or Real Madrid.
Washington Football Team. Washington Football Team, right? But I wonder if like there's no way they did it like Barcelona Football Club or FC Barcelona or Real Madrid. Like the Redskins.
Washington football team.
Washington football team, right?
But I wonder if like there's no way they did it because they're like,
we should be woke and we don't want to be offensive with our mascots.
But at the same time, it ended up really working out.
Yeah.
And nobody really cares.
They still buy the jerseys, all that kind of shit.
Like the mascot means nothing.
I don't know what a Yankee is.
Yeah.
Do you know what a Yankee is?
Nope.
Isn't that just a northerner?
A northerner?
But it probably was something.
It had some sort of...
Yeah, the Lakers...
It's in LA, but it's Minnesota for all the lakes.
Yeah, the Jazz, same shit.
Yeah, like the name means nothing.
Like, yank it off.
Who gives a fuck?
I mean, it gives you an excuse to buy another jersey, I guess.
Yeah, yeah.
And you're just trying to stay out of the fire.
I think Washington only changed their name, the Redskins, after there was this big sexual harassment scandal.
No, no, no.
FedEx said that they were going to remove their sponsorship of the field.
Yeah, I also think that.
I think it was all in the same time period.
You're wrong.
FedEx said that they were going to remove their sponsorship of the field.
And the second the money was involved, they were like, oh, fuck.
Okay, we're not going to have a field sponsor?
Like, that's a big deal.
That's revenue loss.
But they never came up with another mascot, though, right?
They're just the Washington football team.
It's kind of lit.
Yeah, I remember a dude,
I don't know if we brought this up,
but I'm pretty sure LeBron was like,
man, that name's whack or something like that.
No, he didn't.
I can't remember if it was him,
but it was someone that was involved
with a European soccer team.
And literally the European soccer team, it might have been like Liverpool, but it was someone that was involved with a European soccer team. And literally the European soccer team.
It might have been like Liverpool, but it was Liverpool Football Club.
Literally the same exact name.
So it's like they've been doing it forever.
But I just hate like the sponsors get to be the main thing.
So it's like you're in airlines, like you're walking around advertising Etihad and Qatar
Airways.
You don't realize how corny that is until they started putting things on the NBA jerseys.
Did you see that?
They're like, do this tiny little logo here
and it looks so cheap.
You're like, oh, you can't afford
to have your own fucking jerseys.
The only fire one is Orlando
because it says Disney
and no one's going to hate on the Disney logo.
That's fire.
Okay, what else we got?
Anything else?
I'm trying to find this video.
It's fucking hilarious
of this dog that ate a bunch of edibles.
Oh, no.
Oh, that was so good oh no
it's so good it's so funny oh no oh here we go the other thing is that uh that zodiac cipher we're
talking about and she was so smart in the video you'll hear that like she'll mention her doctor
saying it just has to pass through so then you're allowed to just say and laugh and say this oh
fuck the audio's not working damn it okay. Okay. Next time we go do it,
but that dog is slumped. Looked like Nate Robinson.
Yeah, okay. Lastly, and then we get out of here.
They deciphered, you know
the Zodiac Killer? Yes.
They did that. I think Jake Gyllenhaal had a movie about it
or something like that, and they still haven't found out who the fuck
this guy is.
Some nerds figured out one of his
ciphers. Like one that hadn't right some nerds figured out one of his ciphers like one
that hadn't been able to be figured out for like 50 years or however long ago it happened did it
help them track down who he is i don't think they've now the track it down who it is no but
it's kind of crazy how these whole ciphers work i literally thought you just flipped a character
for a letter right not only do to make it tricky do they flip a character for a letter, right? Not only do, to make it tricky,
do they flip a character for a letter,
sometimes they'll have two different letters have the same character,
or one character, sorry,
one letter have two different characters, right?
And not only do they write regular,
sometimes they write diagonal,
and sometimes they write backwards.
Shit is like a crossword puzzle.
Yeah, and it's somehow this
fucking guy i guess built it what was the deal he like built a he built some sort of a computer
program to hack it oh yeah yeah so it's like this belgian warehouse worker that built a like crypto
like it was basically like a cipher solving software yeah that was fire yeah and basically
it just like takes the cipher and then gives you all the possible outcomes for what it could be just using a computer and he's got to go through and read all
of them and he read a cipher was when black dude's repping a circle i'm trying to pretend i know
where the cipher is it's at the note with the fucking magazine letters yeah yes yeah exactly
sometimes it's not magazine letters sometimes it's his own characters that he'll do a triangle
for one or like a fucking baseball bat for another or something yeah and it's just the guy made these
like really complex ciphers but they fucking uh they figured one out yeah didn't get him closer
though everyone's like man they solved the zodiac cipher and then you read it it's like that wasn't
me that called into the radio show last week that's all it was some bullshit all right great
the annoying thing about that guy is is that the uh zodiac dude is other than the killing people yeah other than the killing obviously
but uh is that i think they know who it was yeah they just didn't have enough proof to get him
and i think the same thing goes with like jack the ripper have you guys read the stories about
this like no like they they kind of had it pinned on one person right jewish dude right always
no but he was a doctor or something like that there was some weird thing so they had it pinned
but they didn't have enough proof and i think one guy wouldn't uh wouldn't rat him out or one guy
wouldn't say he wasn't there i know there's some like weird story about it but uh bro that that might be white privilege that really might be like considering i'm a ripper
just how many like black dudes like get arrested and then like get coerced into a false confession
and put in jail for 50 fucking years for some shit they didn't do yeah and then they there's
a guy that killed 20 people and they're like oh you think we know who it is and then they just let
him go you know i mean like it only happens to serial killers how often do you hear this they're
like yeah like there's a pretty good chance you watch a documentary and
they're like all these clues point to this one guy and then they're like yeah let him run like
what's the dude robert durst the yeah literally they have the confession of him he's like yeah
i did it and then he's still like in trial it's up for like litigation or whatever like it's only
the white serial killers they're like yeah
we'll give him a break you know i mean he's a swimmer he's a good kid
like i don't know so is that this we just see white dudes is too passive or something
i don't know i with the fucking fred durst or whatever his name was limp biscuit dude
i just assume they got the resources to fight it in trial yeah that's what it is and then
eventually the zodiac killer the zodiac they didn't even know the act the ripper was the act Let this kid do it. I just assume they got the resources to fight it in trial. Yeah, that's what it is. And then eventually you just-
The Zodiac Killer?
Yeah.
The Zodiac-
They didn't even know what the motherfucker was.
Jack the Ripper's the first serial killer, right?
Is that why he's famous?
I assume.
That's the only reason I would-
I'm like, that's the only reason he'd be famous for this long.
Yeah, I never knew why he was that famous.
And the most fire name, too.
Yeah, Jack the Ripper.
Fire, dog.
Yeah.
Apparently they do that shit i did
this like hollywood like murder mystery tour or whatever when i was out there okay and they said
that like in london no no this was in la okay and they were like the the famous like murders that
they're trying to solve the police will give like a catchy name and hopes to like build like interest
around the story so like black Black Dahlia. Yeah.
So it's like the police
as well as like the media.
Let's call them Black something
then we'll catch them.
Yeah, exactly.
Legit, bro.
Black Dahlia is the one
they mentioned.
What is Black Dahlia?
Son of Sam.
Yeah, exactly.
All that shit.
So they try to give them
like this weird interesting name
that people are interested in.
It's basically like YouTube clickbait.
They're like giving them
these show killers
clickbait names. They're giving them clickbait names that's not enough
john logan yeah so they like give them kitschy names the black dahlia was like this chick that
like got murdered in la like near the hollywood sign and like it was like this ritual murder where
like her body was cut in half and like her ovaries were missing or some crazy shit and then it was
like this whole weird like ritual thing.
When was this?
It was like back
in like the 60s, 70s.
Oh, okay.
This is done.
Here's a while ago.
LA had a little weird
run out there.
They had a couple
weird ones, dude.
They did.
The Melendez brothers.
Melendez?
What about even Manson?
Like what was
happening out there?
Everybody was doing drugs
and being a failed actor.
That's just a bad combo.
Low key,
was it the drugs?
My girl has a theory about that. Like, why
all of a sudden you see, like, these serial
killers pop up in the 80s,
and it's like, these are the people
that were doing all these hallucinogenics in the
70s.
And, like, the
lasting effects of that are, like... Completely believable.
Something like that. I don't know. There has to be some
sort of connectivity between all of a sudden americans start experimenting with
hallucinogenic drugs and then 10 years later x amount of years later all these serial killers
are popping up it's not like serial killing exists outside of here are there's tons of
serial killers in england like i don't see any serial killer shows jack jack the ripper
they had one in the 1600s sherlock and luther after that. Sherlock and Luther, both BBC shows recently about serial killers.
No, but I think the US also got obsessed with it.
A lot of these serial killers have to do with the satanic rituals, the occult, witchcraft,
all this.
And that was that whole sacrificing.
That was St. Manson.
Yeah.
We're overdue for a good serial killer.
Yeah, maybe. Maybe. I haven't seen aue for a good serial killer. Yeah, maybe.
Maybe.
I haven't seen a news article about any serial killers.
The last one I can remember was the ones in the van in D.C. or whatever.
D.C. Sniper.
Sniper motherfucker.
Yeah, D.C. Sniper.
That was a black dude, right?
Hopefully people don't die, but we're overdue for a good serial killer.
Yeah.
Well, if anybody's listening, the time is now.
Anyway, look, we love you guys. We appreciate you guys, Gil. Yeah. Well, if anybody's listening, the time is now. Anyway, look, we love you guys.
We appreciate you guys, man.
Check out the Netflix special this week, man.
We work really fucking hard at it.
It comes out Tuesday at midnight.
Thank you, my brother.
And midnight Pacific Standard Time.
So it's really Wednesday.
No, Thursday.
Sorry.
It comes out Thursday at midnight Pacific Standard Time so that's really
Friday morning
3am
did you know this?
no it comes Wednesday at midnight
so the late
late show Wednesday that becomes
Thursday
Thursday is the 17th
it'll be like Thursday at 3am
so on Thursday morning I'm pretty sure people will watch it.
Or Thursday night.
Thursday, as soon as you wake up.
Man, that makes me feel so much better.
I didn't say that on Brilliant Idiots, though.
So when I say Brilliant Idiots later this week,
it is going to be out Thursday.
Just know it's going to be out Thursday.
Oh, that makes way more sense.
Yep.
Sense.
That's why.
Okay.
Smart is stupid as a motherfucker.
Yeah, that's me, whatever. He brought the Brilliant Idiot to flagrant the brilliant idiot to flagrant bro it is what it is bro only on brilliant
idiots only on a show called brilliant idiots could i fuck up the time that my own special
bro i literally was asking i was like yo when's it coming he's like during the day
sometime i think it's not during the day it never was during the day oh god that's what
they meant by three Golly
They were saying three
And I was thinking like
Three in the afternoon
But I guess they were saying
Three in the morning
Oh yeah yeah
Yamadigatsi
Alright
Alright guys
We love you
The special is much smarter than this
I promise
Don't
Don't worry
We're good
Go check it
Shell States America
Oh and also We will be back Obviously every Friday don't worry we're good go check it show states america
oh and also
we will be back
obviously every friday
at patreon.com
slash flagrant 2
number one comedy
patreon in the world
that's cool
you know every single friday
we are there
with a new episode
so we will be there
um
and if you wanna come
fuck with us
come fuck with us man
we'd love to have you
over there
and if not now
then I think in the future
trust
believe we'll
see you there thanks again peace