Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Just The Tip ft. Trevor Wallace
Episode Date: November 12, 2019This week Andrew, Akaash, Kaz, and special guest Trevor Wallace discuss: the end of tipping, the worst thing about NYC, Dion Waiters having too many edibles, Drake getting booed at a concert, making i...t on social media, KSI vs Logan Paul II, and much more. INDULGE!!! Want an additional episode every week? Become a Patron! www.Patreon.com/Flagrant2
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What's up everybody
Welcome to another episode of Flagrant 2
No easy buckets
My name is Andrew Schultz
I'm here with Akash Singh
Real Life Kaz
Alex Media
Eden
On the ones and twos
This episode is brought to you by
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Yo, let's start the show, man.
Real quick, if you're tuning into this show right now because you saw our guest, we have a great guest this week, Trevor Wallace.
That interview is after this section of the show.
And you know what I'll probably do is I'll probably tell you when that will start when we know.
We're recording this one right now, so I don't know how long this is.
But why don't you tune the fuck in for this as well.
Trevor's a great guy, really understands new media.
He's killing it out there.
And I wanted to sit down with him.
And we did that at the end of this episode.
But right now we're going to get this flagrancy started.
Akash Singh, right off of a
a hot headlining weekend how you feeling my friend so dope man so dope san diego sold out
yeah this was my first time selling out like one of the club clubs like not something i booked on
my own or something i went back home for yeah and a real club out the door yeah room in uh
in san diego man and it was cool because assumed, and it was still mainly assholes,
but there's more and more people that are like, oh, I saw you from your YouTube.
And then you can tell them about the podcast because they're like,
what's that sign everybody's throwing up?
And it was cool to just have people coming out from, like,
one older black dude was like, let me ask you a question.
And he was kind of aggressive.
I was like, what's up?
And he was like, you talking about R. Kelly?
Just like, and that was fun.
And then Tempe, Tempe I booked pretty late, so I didn't, on a Sunday, I didn't think that
many people would come out.
Tempe is like a suburb of Phoenix, Arizona, anybody who's listening, but they got a great
comedy club, the Tempe Improv.
Great comedy club.
It's the best I've been treated at a comedy club ever, probably.
But then a good number of people came out that were super fun last night.
Just everybody came out.
Sorry to miss the Trevor interview.
It's all good.
But yo, so fun, man.
Thank you to everybody who came out.
Just like a cool thing to see a building
coming together.
It's dope, man.
It's good to see you, man.
Congratulations.
You were anti-social earlier this year.
Now look at you.
I know, I know.
It took a lot of work.
It took a full intervention,
but we out of here.
The fire has been lit.
You're running with it.
I like seeing it happen.
What else you got coming up, Akash?
Where can they see you?
You heard about them sellouts, so get them tickets early.
This Thursday, tickets are still available for Hartford, Connecticut at the Funny Bone.
That's this Thursday.
After that, let me look it up.
I am in Mumbai the 20th and 21st at the Habitat Comedy Club.
Then in the new year, I am at Hilarities in Cleveland on January 9th.
The Stress Factory in New Brunswick.
Thank you for that.
Yo, I've heard about this.
Hilarities in Cleveland.
We did that, Al.
That is such a fun room.
Really?
It's a really good room.
Yeah, and it's massive.
I mean, I don't know, what, 400?
Foreign changes.
Maybe foreign changes. Come through, assholes. It's what, 400? Four and change it. Maybe four and change it.
Come through, assholes.
It's a big room.
They gave me one of their nights.
It's supposed to be like their off night, just like see what you can do.
So assholes, come through.
Let's murder this shit.
Yo, pull up, man.
Nice.
So yeah, there then, Stress Factory on January 14th in New Brunswick.
Love the Stress Factory, man.
Shouts out to Philly.
And the next day, Philly, hometown of my wifey, come through, you monsters.
January 15th.
Which club are you doing at?
Helium Comedy Club.
That's good, man.
Good shit.
Go check all that out.
I got to give a shout out to the History Hyenas podcast.
Give it up.
Yanni Papi, Chrissy D.
And they had a live show at Gramercy Theater in New York.
So they sold out the Gramercy Theater in New York.
That's a really big accomplishment
you know um it's just really cool to see what they're building and uh you know I love it I love
it when good guys when good things happen to good guys man so keep on supporting us they're good
dudes man I love them and um so yeah and Kaz what do you got going on man what else happening oh
shit I'm doing something really cool with Pepsi tomorrow and the New York Jets.
I can't divulge it all the way, but you'll see it at the end of the week.
It's really tight.
Just did a great interview with the New York Post and Big Apple Buckets with Jamal Crawford today, which is really awesome.
Still not on a team.
Still not on a team.
We talked about that a lot, which is really cool.
But he was a great talk.
Obviously, December 13th, Ducey palooza brooklyn new york
tickets are flying we haven't even announced the fucking headliners yet but when we do
we're trying to we're trying to sell that place out man if we sell out barclays
man come through sell out barclays that's so wild please bro like i'm trump we're we're gonna we're
gonna make that we're gonna make history what would be the number to sell out barclays i think
it's uh 17 000 i think around there it's in there but be the number to sell out Barclays? I think it's 17,000, I think, around there.
Wow, man.
If y'all sell out Barclays without having anybody perform,
that is the greatest hustle in the history of the world.
But we got people performing.
We got some big names coming.
I'm still trying to figure this shit out, man.
They think Creflo Dollar is hustling, man.
Let me tell you, Ducey Palooza is the greatest hustle
because you go and you actually enjoy it.
Yeah, that's the difference between a good time.
What the fuck am I enjoying this so much?
That's the difference between this and Creflo Dollar.
You ever watch Creflo Dollar?
Creflo make you feel like you're going to get rich, bro.
There's a reason why he got a plane, bro.
He makes you feel guilty.
Who?
Creflo?
Yeah.
Does he?
I was never moved by Creflo.
Nah, him and what you call him?
I don't know why I'm acting like I've seen him.
What's the guy with the big teeth that smiles all the time?
Why did I even say that? Steve Harvey. Steve Harvey. No, not Steve Harvey. Oh, shit. I'm acting like I've seen him. What's the guy with the big teeth that smiles all the time?
Why did I even say that? Steve Harvey.
The white dude, the white Kerfloe. What's his name?
Oh, Joel Osteen.
Joel Osteen makes you feel
away, bro.
Joel Osteen makes you go, hey, maybe they didn't need shelter.
They live in Houston, they can swim.
Just give yourself to Christ.
I'm like dude Yo man
Joel also knows what he's doing
He's a hustler man
Shout out to Joel bro
Shout out to Joel
You know what I mean
I mean maybe God
Maybe that's what
Why do we act like God
Don't like money
Maybe God likes money bro
Maybe we got it wrong
God wants you to thrive dog
Yeah God
God don't want you to be broke
What God would want you to be broke
Oh God
Be good with the money
Do good with the money
Help some people out
Yeah
I don't see why not
I don't see why
not why would god want you to struggle i think if you're hoarding i think if you're a billionaire
and like yo we gotta stop this billionaire hate if you're paying your your your fucking
billionaire hate yo i hate billionaire hate listen i'm not saying i don't want to be a
billionaire i'd love to be one that's the thing Everybody hate a billionaire Until they become one Like this goofy bitch
Elizabeth Warren
Is all like
She's so fucking goofy yo
And this dumbass
She's doing this whole
Listen
Whatever
Let's just get into it
So she's doing this whole like
Billionaire's gotta go
I think so
Yeah it's a flakethought
You think so?
This bitch gotta go
This might be
This bitch gotta go
This bitch gotta go
She looks like an old boxer, bro.
She looks like a journeyman boxer.
Get a picture up of this chick, yo.
She's been punching the head far too many times to run for president.
If you look at her face in this picture, tell me she don't look like she's been boxing.
Look at that face right there.
Yo, you know who she kind of looks like?
She kind of has a lot of Teddy Atlas in her face.
She kind of looks like the great-
She's Teddy Atlas?
She's got a little Teddy Atlas in her face.
Don't she look like, what was that movie uh mickey ward she looked like mickey ward
dog remember the fighter who in the wrestler but he made him no no no that's mickey roark mickey
ward fought your work looks like shit look at oh my god that's elizabeth warren that's hilarious
it's the same person to me she looked like tweety birth grandma speaking of billionaires so real
quick so here you have this chick right Tweety birth grandma Speaking of billionaires So real quick
So here you have
This chick right here
Is talking about
All this billionaires
Billionaires are the problem
You know how much money
This bitch made last year
$900,000
So she's a millionaire
Right
She got a shit on billionaires
Because that's the only way
To make herself relatable
To the poor motherfuckers
In the world
You not
You are way closer to
billionaire than you are to poor
person. Stop talking about the working class.
Stop talking about all this shit.
This is the shit that
just fucking riles me up.
There's no rule that you can't pay more
in taxes.
If you go, hey, US government,
I know it's only 30%,
but here's 50% because I believe in it.
Yeah.
Is she doing that?
No.
Bill Gates does that.
That's why I fuck with Bill Gates.
Bill Gates don't do that.
Don't believe Bill Gates.
Bill Gates became a billionaire.
He became a billionaire from making something actually fucking useful to the world.
He made Word docs and Excel sheets and shit.
I can fuck with that.
But if you're a billionaire off of like-
You know how they say 1% of America has 50% of the wealth or whatever?
Who cares about the actual numbers?
I bet if you compare the amount of tax that each pays,
the 1% pays less in actual tax dollars than everybody else.
Can I tell you something?
Because they find a way around every tax law.
Of course they do.
And here's the thing I'm trying to understand, right?
Of course they do.
And here's the thing I'm trying to understand, right?
The 1% of everything is always the best.
For example, like 1% of people that are good at basketball play it in the NBA.
Does that mean we should get rid of the NBA?
Or they should give back half their careers to shittier players?
Do you know what I'm saying?
I see the point you're trying to make. 1% of musicians
are the ones that get a Grammy or make
real money. The other 99.9%
We're 1% of the entertainment business.
Real talk, we're 1% of the entertainment business.
But furthermore,
the 1% model
is how every business functions.
1%
of
sword fighters are still alive. Maybe that's a bad example, but 1% of sword fighters are still alive.
Maybe that's a bad example, but 1% of magicians are making money.
The rest of them are on a fucking carnival cruise, right?
I hear you.
So like what?
Why are we doing this?
We hate the 1% shit, but we know that's how it functions in every other thing.
Stats can make you believe anything.
That's the reason why I hate stats.
Stats can make you literally believe anything.
Yeah, numbers lie is a lie.
Numbers always fucking lie.
Numbers be lying like a motherfucker.
Numbers lie more than any
cheating ass bitch in the world.
That's facts.
That's facts.
Right, so there's something
like-
Numbers like a Kardashian,
yo.
You can't trust them for
nothing.
But that's what they do.
They get you to believe.
Motherfuckers just say shit
and then you believe it
because it sounds right.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Like, I don't know if we
even spoke about this, but about how like they about how they made up that fucking lie that a man's G-spot is in his asshole.
Do you know that?
Yeah, that is a lie.
That's fake.
That's an absolute fucking lie.
That's gays made that up and women.
So they could fuck your asshole and put their fingers in it.
They thought that shit was cute.
Son, I asked a doctor.
I was like, yo, and that's an awkward question to ask
a doctor. A male G-spot in your butthole.
I was like, yo, is it true to male G-spots in your
asshole? Nah, that's just your colon. They're just pushing
it. Son, it's not even your colon. It's
your
prostate.
And you do have liquid come out,
but it's your prostate juice.
It's not cum.
It's prostate juice
So there's no sperm in it
So there's dudes out here
Getting their asses fingered
Trying to front like
They just wanted to get
Their ass fingered
Yes
They just wanted an excuse
I get it
But stop
But they say
The male G-spot's in the asshole
No it's not
No it's not
That's fucked up
A woman can't tell
The difference between
What's cum and what's colon
What's prostate
Prostate juice
Prostate puss.
I mean, I think the extraction methods
are pretty different.
I would hope so. I mean, shit.
How you gonna take? Stop taking fingers in your
ass for mythology.
Stop hating 1%. I only want
a finger in my ass one time in my
life, and that's going to see
the motherfucking doctor.
What's the fucking name?
The proctologist. The proctologist there you go son patrice and i had the best joke about that shit he was like he goes man we don't
see the doctor man i would rather my prostate be hanging out my ass than actually go to the doctor
matter of fact my prostate would be hanging out my ass for two weeks i call my boy like yo yeah
i just got a duct tape up there should i do something about this before I actually go to the doctor?
It's so true.
Bros, bro.
All I'm trying to say is that that shit got me riled up, man, about this.
I guess there's only one way to punch.
Yeah.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Like, there's only one way to punch is up.
And when you're that close, like, when you're a millionaire and you're a billionaire, like,
there really ain't that much of a difference in lifestyle.
How much extra shit can you buy?
How many more cars do you need?
Exactly.
You got the car.
How big a house do you need?
And then she,
I just,
it's just,
you know what it is?
I mean,
fraudulence drives me fucking crazy.
Yeah.
And I think that's what people,
I think that's why people overlook a lot of shit about Trump because they're like,
at least he's not fucking lying to my face like I'm
an idiot.
Yeah.
Right?
Or he's lying so blatantly that it's like-
Yeah, I was about to say, that's a lie.
That's hilarious.
It's more of that.
That's kind of where I... Not I fuck with Trump, but I'm just like-
Because he doesn't lie about his shittiness.
For example-
There's a small part of me that's going to miss him when he's not president no more,
just because of the antics.
Yeah.
And just knowing that he just lies so much, and he's just so fucking...
He, like, you ever think of the motherfucker when it's like, yo, this is the guy with the
nuclear codes, right?
If this motherfucker really had them shits, he'd be tweeting about that shit all the fucking
time.
But he doesn't, because he doesn't have that thing in him that most people have
where it's like,
oh my God,
you can't say that.
You can't say that.
He just fucking says it.
You know what I think
it is about Trump?
At least his goofy
bitch-lism with Warren
ain't got the fucking
nuclear code
probably bombing Mark Cuban
and all the rest
of the billionaires
in America.
You know what I think it is?
We don't want to feel deceived.
Yeah.
Even if Trump lies,
we know who Trump is.
We know.
He's such an overt, ridiculous liar. Yeah. Even if Trump lies, we know who Trump is. We know. He's such an overt, ridiculous liar.
Yeah.
Warren talking all this shit about everybody else, and you make $900,000 a year, and you're
116th Native American, and you're hustling that to get scholarships.
Like, you're just like me.
Yeah.
Don't pretend you're some shit.
Like, don't try to deceive me.
Trump is like, it's almost like a special ed kid lying or something.
You're like, what the hell is a special aid kid line or something.
This is cute. But what
is he, okay, put it,
I don't want this to seem like a defend Trump thing.
What I'm trying to defend is like,
I'm trying to explain why people are
drawn to him opposed to these other
figures. We don't like people that
front like they're better than they are.
Correct. Right? Like, one of the reasons
this show is great
is because we don't come in
here with moral standards.
Oh, we'll never disappoint you. That's the best
thing about Flavor 2. We'll talk our
shit. You'll never read something
in the blog like, damn,
that doesn't sound like my Andrew Ock.
I was like, oh no, we're all pieces of shit. What are they really going to say
about us in the blog? They said something racist
on the show.
Shocking.
Find the episode where we didn't.
That's the news story.
Put that on the New York Times.
Yo, one episode they didn't make fun of Chinese.
So the thing about, because I was watching this.
Did you see Donald Trump Jr. on The View?
Yeah.
I heard, I listened to it.
He got a book. He got a book.
He got a book,
but there was like this big,
like this big old thing.
And one thing I realized about Trump and now about Trump Jr.
And it's way more obvious in Trump Jr.
than it is Trump
because he's not as good at it.
Right?
But this is what Trump knows
that never was seen before in politicians.
He knows they're all scumbags.
They're the biggest scumbags of the world.
They're all sociopaths.
No, no, no.
You could be a sociopath and not hurt people.
Every one of them is a sociopath that hurts people.
Oh, yeah.
That has personally affected the lives of millions of people.
Yeah.
Right?
So he knows that.
So when any of them talk shit, he's chomping at the bit.
He's like, I've been giving you money under the table for 40 years.
What are you going to say?
You're going to say I'm crazy.
You're going to say I'm corrupt.
Like when they said, you don't think when they said the Ukraine shit about him him he was like oh word joe you want to play this game well you got your son making 80 grand a year a month
working for this this this ukrainian company he don't even speak russian or ukrainian he don't
understand anything about what you want to talk about me in ukraine so so his whole strategy is
you talk shit about me i'm not even going to defend me i'm going to show how you ain't shit
you don't need to defend show how you ain't shit.
You don't need to defend yourself if you ain't shit.
It's like when your girl goes, why'd you like that picture?
And you be like, yeah, but remember when you liked fucking The Rock's picture?
Why you got to like The Rock?
That sounds personal.
Do you know what I'm saying?
We all been there.
We all been there.
Trust me, I've been there.
But do you know what I mean?
Yeah.
He got dirt on everybody. Like the president of the United States. The junior is on The View, and these girls are going at him, and he just goes, we're
really going to talk about civility?
He goes, Joy Behar, you wore blackface.
Whoopi, you defended.
He goes, whoopi, you defended Roman Polanski.
You said, it wasn't rape rape about a 15-year-old girl that was raped.
Now, I would love to hear that clip. Yeah. That being said, it wasn't rape rape about a 15-year-old girl that was raped. Yeah.
Now, I would love
to hear that clip.
Yeah.
That being said,
what they gonna say?
What they melt?
He said this live on the show.
Live!
Oh, I gotta watch this.
Son, it's wild!
It's not as good
as you think it'd be
because they're all
talking over each other
like everybody's so eager
to go at him.
Son.
He handles that shit
pretty well though
to be honest with you.
Real talk,
look how many people that are there talk Look how many people there are there
Look how many people there are in this room
We barely talk to each other
You put six girls in the same room
The difference
It's women
That's what I'm saying
They don't understand
You could never have
No
They literally have a bell there
To stop them from talking
You were
Ding ding ding
Yeah yeah yeah
It's not brunch
I should have tried that at home
So
That's the ba-ba-ba.
That's where I got it from.
They got to treat them like cats.
Dinner's ready.
It's just something so refreshing about being ain't shit.
Oh, yeah.
Openly ain't shit.
Openly ain't shit.
I wanted to buy the domain, I ain't shit dot com.
That's me, yo.
You ain't never going to see me pretending I'm't shit dot com That's me yo You ain't never gonna see me
Pretending I'm a good person
Bro I just
And I think that's what
We finally reached
Like a fever pitch with
Is as like the PC
Woke shit got crazy
And hit mainstream culture
Cause there have always been
Like woke people
This has always existed
This is not new
Always will be
And there always will be
But they were a little bit more
Of like a fringe group
Right
And then once it became Mainstream We were a little bit more of like a fringe group, right?
And then once it became mainstream, we were like- You know what it was?
Hold on.
You think-
Wait, you think you're really going to go on TV and act like you ain't shit like me?
The audacity of you.
And then Trump comes over.
He's like, yo, them Mexicans be raping.
And then people at home be like, some probably rape.
You know what I'm saying?
Motherfucker. Like, you start justifying. You be like, probably rape you know what I'm saying motherfucker like you start justifying
you be like
Hector raped
remember Hector
remember Hector
in high school
that motherfucker was raping
you know what I mean
I said that
in the Arizona show
I was like
I saw some people
from Oregon
so I was like
oh you guys are the white people
who actually like Mexicans
and then I was like
in Arizona's defense
you don't really
got a deal like Mexicans. And then I was like, in Arizona's defense, you don't really got to deal with Mexicans.
They got a different perspective
and they be dealing with them out there in Arizona.
In Arizona.
They be building walls.
Yeah.
And I was like, maybe Mexicans is just that annoying.
You don't know, you in Oregon.
Son, it's this shit that we always do.
It's like this, like New York and California people
like low key
let me tell you why
I'm the hypocrite
I don't care about
global warming
right
because it ain't gonna affect me
like all this
like the sea's gonna
override and everything
it's like
where
where that gonna happen
that not gonna happen to me
right
it doesn't
so it doesn't really
pertain to my life that much.
Right.
But I can admit I ain't shit.
Right.
I can say on a podcast to hundreds of thousands of people, I don't care about the-
Own who you are.
Fucking Eskimos.
Own who you are.
I've never seen one Eskimo.
Why should I care?
Son, why should-
You know how racist they are?
They probably think you're a fucking bear, bro.
They don't know.
The grizzly is coming.
They have like 10 words for snow and bear and shit.
Son, they're wearing you as a fur, bro.
Fuck Eskimos, bro.
Here's my one question about taxing billionaires.
Is the solution for the country, let me give this money to the government.
They're going to use it well.
Son.
Like, that's your big
fucking answer?
Real talk?
Just give more money to you?
You couldn't be right.
You couldn't be more right.
You couldn't be more right.
You couldn't be more right.
This the answer, huh?
Son.
The least efficient,
most bureaucratic organization
in the entire country.
Yeah.
Let's give them all the money
and see what happens.
The motherfuckers that run the MTA.
We already in debt.
You run the MTA. How already in debt. You run the MTA.
How does traffic on a train?
Doug.
It's just one.
It's just one lane.
How you got traffic when it goes one way?
I ain't got too many cars.
I don't know why I just put on this shit.
I'm going crazy.
I'm not even going to speak on the logistics of it.
Here's what I know, though.
I moved to New York 10 years ago.
It was $82 a month for a subway pass.
Now it's like $115.
Service has gotten worse.
Costs have gone up like 30%, 40%.
So if service gets worse and you're charging me more money,
why would I trust you with more money?
But they got those cute little Apple Pay things now.
I'm not going to lie.
The Apple Pay kind of lit.
Apple Pay kind of lit.
But I will say this.
An incredible point about the astonishing increase in price in the last fucking 10 years.
And they're going broke still.
They're still going broke.
Let me ask you this.
If we were on a fucking chairlift skiing, right, and the chairlift people said, hold on, there's a little traffic on the chairlift.
Right? You'd be like, what you mean there's a little traffic on the chairlift. Right?
You'd be like, what you mean is traffic?
It's just one thing.
It just goes up and it comes down.
It can't be traffic because it just goes up and it comes down.
Right?
Like that would be the answer, right?
You cannot physically have traffic because it's just one.
Whenever I see traffic, it's when four lanes turn into two.
Yeah, but you always have
There's more people
The
What's it called
Ski lift or whatever
Ski lift
Who doesn't know how to get off
The fucking thing
Yeah
And then they have to stop it
Because that motherfucker
Falls right at the spot
And they're smart
And they stop the whole shit
Yeah
They don't let the whole shit go
And then it backs up
And then we got 14 lifts
About to go
And then more accidents happen
Yeah so that's what
Trade traffic is
That's what they should do.
Stop the whole shit.
So what, did they just stop the train?
Did they just close the door and be like, yo, you can't swipe it?
Remember when we were young and we had the little train tracks and you had the little
cars set up on the train tracks?
There was traffic there?
You ain't never, you never in your life were playing with your train tracks and you were
like, mom!
Oh my God.
It's too much traffic
how simple you can make sound without making any sense at all
what i'm saying is you have to be next level retarded to make traffic on yo when the guy
on the mic goes there's a little traffic ahead how how is there traffic ahead let me guess how
many trains is ahead one because that's how many could fit it makes me go fucking crazy
how many like how could there be traffic guys look look ready look there's there's two there's
one track and there's only yeah let's do a visual ready there's one track, and there's only, yeah, let's do a visual.
Ready?
There's one track, right?
Here's one train.
There's traffic ahead.
You telling me we got that?
You telling me we got one on top of the other?
Is that what managed to happen?
Did we manage at Union Square to get two four trains on top of each other?
Because otherwise it's impossible to have traffic.
It's not possible.
When they say it, I go crazy.
When they say it,
I lose my fucking mind.
When they say they want to knock on the door, I go prove it.
Prove it.
Show me a picture of the traffic.
I want to see a picture
of a bunch of guys in the front of the traffic
like all the train drivers.
Come on, let's go.
Beep, beep.
Come on.
Son, this is how you know there's no traffic.
They ain't got horns on the train.
Because the people who made the train, that's emergency.
I'm talking about beep, beep.
They don't got beep, beep.
They ain't got no beep, beep.
Let me tell you why they ain't got no beep, beep.
Because the people who made trains knew there wasn't going to be no fucking traffic.
Right?
They probably asked him, like, yo, should we put a BB?
He goes, how could there be traffic?
It's one fucking lane.
And then these retards managed to find a way to make traffic.
Make traffic authority.
That's what MTA stands for.
That's what it stands for.
Make traffic authority.
Oh, my God.
How you manage to make traffic.
Yo.
It's like if a movie started late at the movie theater.
Just press play.
Just pause.
Pause.
What time the movie starts?
It's our eight?
Hey, guess what you do at eight?
Play.
I'm sorry.
The movie's running a little late.
Take your finger and press play.
And then it's on time.
Yo, you had a lot of flavor.
It takes just a minute to go, son.
What the fuck?
And if we let this goofy bitch Elizabeth Warren run the fucking MTA.
If this bitch out here running the MTA.
Just imagine.
Just imagine what's going to happen.
Yo, you know what blew my mind?
I was supposed to do Brilliant Idiots one time.
I got stuck on the train for 50 minutes in the middle of the track between 18th Street and 23rd Street.
That's five blocks.
The idea, somebody got hit by a train, so they stopped everything.
Okay, fine.
You can't take us to the next stop and let everybody off the train.
You got to hold us there
for 50 minutes.
Yo.
And trapped.
You can't walk
in between subway cars.
I was about to say,
were you in between the stops?
This diabetic had to piss
in a fucking milk jug
because he couldn't even
go into the middle of the pee.
And he brought up
that he was diabetic too
when it had nothing
to do with peeing.
Yeah, I think they got
to pee a lot
if they're diabetic.
Really? What? I think so, yeah. I thought they just can't eat syrup. That's what I thought. I thought it was do with peeing. He just wanted to pee on you. Yeah, I think they gotta pee a lot if they diabetic. Really? What?
I think so, yeah.
I thought they just can't eat syrup.
That's what I thought.
Alex, you're the-
I thought it was just-
I forgot.
Alex, you're our female doctor.
Nah, you a fucking doctor, Alex.
You diabetic?
You know about this shit.
No, he's a doctor.
He's a nurse.
I'm a female doctor.
He's a female doctor.
Yeah, yeah.
You're a nurse.
Also known as a.
You're a big nurse.
Son, so they stop the fucking trains, right?
Yeah. When somebody jumps in the track. How many people need to jump in a train track The big murse. Son, so they stop the fucking trains, right?
When somebody jumps in the track.
How many people need to jump in a train track before we just put a little something?
It's not even a lot.
London got a little something.
Son, they don't let you go in.
No.
Right?
They don't let you go in.
So, look at, ready?
Look at, ready?
Literally, all it is, it's literally only this.
It's not even that crazy.
Screen.
Yeah.
It's a screen door.
It's a screen door.
Just put it across the whole tracks.
Then we don't have any excuse to be late.
You're severely underestimating the ingenuity of crackheads.
Son, crackheads want to live so they can do more crack.
When they ever tried to die.
Honestly, I don't really care if crackheads get it.
I'm talking about human beings.
If a crackhead had to go, that's fine.
Yo, these people, the fucking boss.
If a few crackheads got to die.
No, no, no.
We got to talk about this.
How dare you, as a New Yorker, jump in front of a subway to kill yourself?
Yeah, that's a little selfish.
That is the most selfish fucking way.
All these buildings you could jump out of And nobody would fucking care
And their day wouldn't be ruined
But the fact that you
Want to take your life
And then ruin my fucking day
Oh my god
Like maybe you should die
Because these types of people
That are that selfish
They don't need to be around
At least do it at night
When the trains come
Like every ten minutes and shit
You know when you could do it?
During rush hour? How about this The last train That's going to Williamsburg to L Before that shit shut down for Saturday At least do it at night when the trains come like every 10 minutes and shit. You know when you could do it?
During rush hour?
How about this?
The last train that's going to Williamsburg to L before that shit shut down for Saturday, Sunday.
Kill yourself on that one.
We got to have certain times where you could go.
But this idea, like literally think of the type of person that jumps in front of the train track.
They got peak hours, off peak, and suicide hours.
We need suicide hours.
We need suicide hours. Off peak, suicide hours.
It's not like you don't see all of us, right?
You don't see all of us?
I'm down for a suicide hamsterdam.
I'm all right with that shit.
What's a suicide hamsterdam?
You're a hamsterdam on the wire.
Oh, for the wire.
Yeah, suicide hamsterdam.
Y'all just do the shit in a way that's controlled,
and you don't get in anybody else's way.
Get up out of here.
It's all good.
I don't know how y'all still do the train.
I've bought every possible way guys still do the train. I've bought every
possible way not to take the train. I have
a bike, electrical scooter, a
car. I mean, days like today, though.
Because you had the parking
privilege. You got the parking privilege, one.
You asked the question.
I answered it. I'm supposed to shut up.
I still got a bicycle and an electric
scooter. I'm not getting on the train.
I haven't got on the train.
Tell them how Alex does the train. I haven't got on the train. We can't ride an electric scooter for years.
Tell him how Alex parked.
This is what Alex does to park.
This is the most hilarious shit ever.
He puts a black power fist in his windshield like that.
And then I walk out with 20 tickets.
And then he just walks out.
That's it.
More tickets?
Yes.
This is a black car.
Call that shit.
He literally just gets beaten as soon as he gets out of the car nightclubs all of a sudden
hit him in the back of the head don't make no sense you're black so we need to
when was the last time you saw a white cop damn it is going extinct what y'all see white cops
do i word all the time you kidding me that's how you know kids getting money yo Jersey Sunday
got black people there seems like you see motherfuckers wearing green
they got one of them sombrero like Rangers nature right you on the highway
fam you're not in nature.
Why they got them whole shits with the little...
There's not a black person in my neighborhood, bro.
There isn't?
You made it, son.
I love it.
Damn, bro.
I love it.
One day I'm going to get there.
Kid, move over.
But now I'm going to deal with these black people.
I've done enough of you unwords for one lifetime, goddammit.
I will see y'all back in Harlem.
When I see a new black couple moving into the building,
I'll be side-eyed.
Yo, don't you fuck this up for me.
Son, son.
I've done the same thing.
I've done the same thing, yo.
I'll be like, oh, yeah, I guess 20% is rank control.
I'll be like, oh, yeah, I guess 20% is rank control.
I'm like, I want to be the only one.
Oh, man.
Y'all don't know the privilege.
The privilege of walking around.
I don't know if that's the black people on the block.
I saw some black folks walking across, walking their dog in front of my porch the other day.
God, I turned so conservative for like five seconds. I'm like,
who are these new niggas?
I'm like, I'm supposed to know this type of shit. You knock on a white guy's door like, what is happening
to the neighborhood? God damn.
You know they did that when I moved in.
They're like, yo, who is this?
But now you're trusted.
They're still doing that shit.
They're still doing that shit to me, God damn it.
Ken's got a new neighbor every month.
He can't figure out why.
Everybody in your neighborhood is slowly moving out.
You realize every black person that moves in is because a white person moved out and they saw you, right?
When did they build a chicken shack here?
Kaz is de-gentrified.
I love it.
I just went to my place. Not a single-gentrified. I love it. I didn't even
come to my place.
Not a single black person
around there.
It's beautiful.
There's going to be
a Kennedy fried chicken
in your neighborhood
in no time, bro.
Oh, dude, that's it.
He's starting to sell
back what's at the Home Depot.
I came over there
and they started thinking
he's going to start
mowing everybody's lawn
and shit.
Were they handing you
cards and shit
where they're like,
we would like your services
over here too?
No, no, no, no bullshit.
Oh, no.
Wow, dude.
I saw more cats than black people.
You saw more cats than black people?
Yeah, lots of cats.
Lots of cats in the neighborhood.
You have a catty neighborhood?
Yeah, like they just let their cats just roam free.
They're owned and shit, but they just go back home at the end of the night.
What?
Yeah.
Very pet friendly.
That is a white thing to let your animals roam.
Yeah, they just roam.
They know where to go.
That's why we're the only ones that get Lyme disease.
They look at me like I'm not supposed to be there.
Black people don't get Lyme disease.
No.
Except that one guy from-
Because they don't fuck with nature, really.
Yeah, one guy from the real world.
What the fuck are you going to the forest for?
Hiking?
What is hiking?
Hiking, this is what hiking is.
It's getting as far away from minorities as you can.
Just go to the beach.
That's one version of it.
Swimming, hiking.
You got to go to the beach and get in the water.
You can't just hang out on the sand.
Any ING sport is getting away from y'all.
That's us.
Skiing, snowboarding, hiking, swimming, kayaking.
We took skateboarding from y'all, though.
Y'all really are doing that, and it's bothering me.
And it's fucking bothering me.
All the best skateboarders are black now.
I'm like, when the fuck did this happen?
I know.
And nobody says a word about that shit.
Sorry, we had to take that shit.
No peeps.
Shout out to Lil Wayne.
Shout out to Lil Weezy.
Weezy did really.
The biggest fake skateboarder in the world.
He is.
You always see him in his skate park, but just after he finished.
This is terrible.
He'd be out of breath a little
He really took that shit
Fucking seriously
You heard about this
Dion Waiters shit?
Listen
Dion Waiters
I've been taking gummies
Oh my way
I have gummies for you guys
Really?
Oh shit
Yes from Radix
This weed company
They had a specific thing for you
Right now?
No no no
Not right now.
I'm about to tell a tale.
Oh, I'm getting laid.
No, no.
I just bought CBD in San Diego.
Gummies.
Aura.
Really?
Really?
Son. Son. Yo. Son. That shit's still right there. Son Son
Yo
Son
Son
That shit is slacking bro
Later on the episode
With Trevor
We broke down the
Chicken wing
And how we like
Made a new chicken wing
Like you know how we call
Asians chicken wings
Right
An Asian chick
Is a chicken wing
And the reason we call her that
Is because there was
This Asian chick
That we Airbnb'd at.
And she just said, she was describing food in there.
She was like, there's sushi, there's chicken wing.
And we're like, dude, that's what Asian women are called now.
We were watching this Asian rapper, right?
Yeah.
There's a big line outside with all these bodied Asian chicks.
Like with bodies.
Was it like K-pop shit?
No, it was rap.
Korean rap.
Korean rap. But close, yeah. But it was all Asian chicks with some body It was like K-pop shit? No it was rap Korean rap But close yeah
But it was all Asian chicks
With some body in LA
And we were like
Damn there's some
Thick and wings
Out here
Thick and wings
You got some
Thick and wings
They thick and wings
So that's the new one
You know what happened
I've no shit
Thought about at least
Six times this weekend
And said
In a room by myself
Honey my dad
Oh yeah Son that right there about at least six times this weekend and said in a room by myself Hanimastad oh yeah
that right there
that right there bro
anytime you walk
in a Japanese restaurant
and they do that whole shit
you know where the whole
place talks
you know what I'm talking
yeah
what is that
you know what they say
any of y'all know
what they say
no
call Wheezy
she knows what
exactly what they say
whatever I literally I just be like Hanimastad I go right back out Call Wheezy. She knows exactly what they say.
Whatever.
I literally, I just go,
I go right back out there.
I go,
I thought they were just saying hello.
They just going hello.
They throw hello at the end to throw you off.
Hello.
Hello.
Is it that?
Isn't that arigato?
And then like thank you?
No, that's goodbye. Arigato is thank you,
but there's something you say when they walk in.
What is it?
Arigatou gozaimasu.
Arigatou gozaimasu.
Arigatou gozaimasu.
Arigatou gozaimasu.
They were just like, you're.
I mean, that is their you're.
That is their you're.
That's their you're, son.
Arigatou gozaimasu.
Oh, my God. They have funny Asians create a you're. They reallyur, son. Oh, my God. That's why the Asians created yur.
They really did, bro.
They're not even playing around.
I'm glad you'll be appropriating.
Oh, man.
We going off.
We really are.
I missed you guys.
I missed you guys.
I missed you guys.
So, Dion Waiters, gummies.
Okay.
Dion Waiters, gummies.
Real quick, by the way, thank you guys for selling out the town hall shows.
Very excited for that.
Yes, sir.
Boston.
Oh, that's dope.
Already.
We got this going.
Boston, Thursday.
Second show has a few more tickets left.
Connecticut.
No, sorry.
Boston, Saturday has a few more tickets left for the second show.
First show sold out.
And Connecticut, a few more tickets left. That's show First show sold out And Connecticut Few more tickets left
That's almost sold out as well
So get on that real quick
We added Edmonton
And New Orleans
And we got Seattle
Early show sold out
Neptune Theater
We have a late show
Few more tickets left for that
Go get that
Theandrewshows.com
For the rest of the tickets
Now we get to talk about this shit
Dion Waiters
Took the edible
Passed out
All been there before
Didn't snitch Didn't snitch Teammate gave. All been there before. Didn't snitch.
Didn't snitch.
Teammate gave him the edible.
Didn't snitch.
Real motherfucker, bro.
Oh, wow.
Real motherfucker.
Suspended without pay.
Ten games.
Still didn't snitch.
Ten games.
Think about that.
Ten games.
Real one.
How much money has he probably lost?
Oh, my God.
Each game check's got to be at least, what, like 40 racks?
Something like that?
That's crazy.
That's a good chunk of change he's missing out on.
That's worse than being fined when they suspend you without pay.
No game checks.
How much was his contract?
I think this is a smart move.
I think he got paid.
I think he got paid.
He got paid.
So I think this is a good, like, now you just built up credibility with the rest of the league.
Oh, for sure.
Every player in the league is like, I fucks with that guy.
He could be on my team when he's, even after, he's kind of washed now, but even when he's like, washed, washed.
52 million? 47 million guaranteed.
52 million?
Yo, we forget
Waiters a few years ago was
balling. Oh yeah. Yeah.
For like half a year. Half a year was balling.
When he left Cleveland and went to Miami
he did his thing. Yeah.
Contract years. Those contract years are great.
He is a contract year killer. Some guys are like that. All the time you get paid, Julius Randall, on top of his thing. Yeah. Contract years. Those contract years are great. He is a contract year killer.
Some guys are like that.
All the time you get paid, Julius Randle, on top of the list.
Gang.
Oh, speaking of, shit, I forgot to promote.
Champ Sports this Friday.
I'll be there with my girl, Vic, interviewing Julius Randle for Slam and Champ Sports.
You going to tell him that?
Oh, we'll have some things to talk about.
A contract year killer?
You going to call him that?
I mean, shit, he bowled down his contract year.
We'll talk about it
Can we talk about
Can we talk about the Knicks
Oh my god
I guess we have to
You guys are so happy
When you beat the Mavs
Oh no no
Fuck that
Everything's gone down
Yeah it's done
Have you seen what happened
It's done
You didn't see yesterday
No
Oh my gosh
I had a great
I had a great day
With my family
I had my family
Sunday fun day
It was fantastic
I was like alright Let's all go home and watch the Knicks.
They're playing the Cavs.
They just beat a good Mavericks team.
You know what I mean?
Good game.
They should handle the Cavs.
The Knicks were 2-7.
I think after they beat the Mavericks.
We lost to Cleveland.
No, that was their second win.
We got worked by Cleveland.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.. Yeah. I'm a good game. I'm a good game These are not bad, man. I'm going to eat it. Okay.
It's Cleveland.
It's a home game.
But the fucking organization, they're talking about, James Dolan right now is talking about
bringing Masai Ujiri, who's the president of the Raptors, to the Knicks.
Ken's finally not a believer.
No, no, no.
Can we just talk about this for one second?
Dolan's thinking about bringing Masai Ujiri to the Knicks.
I am 100% convinced that James Dolan hates black people.
Because why would you ruin this many black people's lives?
Specifically the black president.
Specifically.
The black coach.
The black GM.
He's ruining jazz music with his band.
Anything black he can get his hands on, he is ruining.
You know what team that James Dolan
owns that seems to be doing okay? The Rangers.
The Rangers. That white hockey sport
seems to be doing okay, isn't it?
But when them blacks are playing a sport, all of a sudden
it's the worst management, it's the
worst GM,
it's the worst everything. The fact that they're thinking
about firing Tisdale.
Dude, honestly, this is Kardashian
levels of fucking over black men that James Dolan is in.
Right?
Because his Fisdale head coach is about to get replaced as if anybody could do anything else with this fucking team that we have.
What the fuck?
What the day?
Son, you need Iron Man.
You need Captain America.
You need a lot of organizational shit to make the Knicks work right now.
The fact that Steve Mills and who's the other bum that's running it?
Scott Perry.
Steve Mills and Scott Perry.
Those fucking Franks and Beans.
I'm not mad at Scott Perry.
Steve Mills is the one who's the fucking.
They're both Franks and fucking Beans idiots.
Steve Mills is the fucking.
Doesn't matter.
But Franks and Beans, those guys are talking about firing Fizdale.
Guys.
Bro, here's my thing. The thing. What do you want Fizdale to do? Bro, here's my thing.
The thing, you know me.
What do you want Fizdale to do?
This is black on black crime.
I think this is akin to what's happening in Chicago.
I think it's akin to what's happening all around the world.
Like, this is like Rwanda-esque black on black.
I know what's happening in the Knicks organization.
Real talk.
Real talk.
What's happening?
It was so fucking weak, bro.
2-2 or who-two, I don't know.
Hotel Madison Square Garden is not the place to bank.
Okay?
It was such a weak fucking move, bro.
Like, the whole fucking, they had the press conference right after the game.
Like, yo, we're sorry.
Like, we thought we were going to compete a little more.
Like, the dude's a dead man walking now.
Fizzdale.
James Dolan hates black people.
He hates black people. He hates black people.
He was trying to ruin everything black.
Think about it.
I'm going to try and convince people that Fizdale's a bad coach.
He got Oakley banned from the Garden.
Oakley banned from the Garden.
Isaiah Thomas seen as a sexual predator now.
Isaiah Thomas seen as himself.
What else?
Mello can't get a job.
Mello can't get a job.
He hired an Asian.
He was like, all right, let's see what this works.
I talked to Jamal Crawford.
I was like, yo, if the Knicks call you right now, you answer the phone?
He's like, yeah, answer the phone.
He's like, I'd love to come play for New York.
Really?
Yeah.
Quote, unquote.
That'll go out tomorrow.
Well, today, you guys.
But I'm like, I don't know why you would, but like, you're just.
He just wants a contract.
He just loves ball.
He loves hooping, bro.
That's a motherfucker.
I think he can ball until he's 45 years old.
James Dolan hates black people.
He hates everything black, and he's trying to destroy everything black from the inside out.
That is a fact.
He will destroy jazz music with his band.
He will destroy basketball.
He will destroy front office management.
Do you think that two black guys that are running the Knicks right now are going to get another job in the front office?
Oh, my God. Do you think? You think Scott right now are going to get another job in the front office? Oh, my God.
Do you think?
You think Scott Perry or Steve Mills can get another job in basketball after this abomination?
Of course not.
And you know what?
They could be competent guys.
Here's my thing.
But James Dolan will not let them win because he hates black people.
James Dolan hates black people.
Scott Perry's had success.
Steve Mills is the one I'm like, you've been there for 20 years, dude.
Bro, he hates black people.
How are you still employed?
Black people. The two black people
he hired both have white names, Scott and Perry.
Both Steve
and Mills. Steve, Scott, and David.
Dude, come on, bro.
Steve, Scott, and David?
Sounds like a boy band.
Oh, man.
The problem is obviously Dolan, and I think the cat's out of the bag.
I think we know what's going on.
He is a deeply racist man who hates black people and hates black success and hates black empowerment,
and he's doing everything he can to suppress that.
And I think, if I'm being honest with you, I think it's far worse than the guy who owned the Clippers.
What was the guy who owned the Clippers?
Sterling.
Sterling just didn't want his wife around one black guy that had fucking AIDS.
That's not even that crazy.
You know what I mean?
A billion dollars.
Like, come on.
There's just one fucking black guy with HIV?
That's a reasonable thing to say to your fucking wife, okay?
And to be fair, he didn't say he didn't want him to be around him.
He said, just don't take pictures with him.
He can do whatever.
He was like, you can fuck him.
You can hang out with him, whatever. Just don't take pictures
with them. It makes me look bad. Don't take the picture. I don't want my friends thinking
I got AIDS. You know what I mean? Whatever it is.
When it comes, nobody
has destroyed black lives like
this man, James Dolan. I've
seen his band live. I've
seen his band live. I'll give you that too.
They made us go to this thing when I was
on a TV show that was owned by his network.
A TV show that he promoted by his network, right?
A TV show that he promoted because it was about hockey.
Interesting.
You know what else MSG owns?
Do you remember that channel Fuse?
Yeah.
You ever seen a good black show on Fuse?
A good hip-hop show on Fuse?
They just take whatever from Complex.
That's it.
Oh, shit. That's what I did.
Oh, shit.
Well, Complex also got Flagrant fit of the week now.
Ah, that's right.
Let's go ahead
and Complex the gift
and get the smoke both ways.
I know you're listening.
I know producers over there
you're listening to this right now
because you listen to it every week.
You're welcome
for these gifts that we give you.
But we are out here
supporting creativity.
Okay?
Unlike James Dolan
which is trying to squash
Black Dreams.
What is that?
They're biting.
Of course they're biting.
We don't support that shit.
But we know they're biting.
So is fucking First Take.
Didn't they ask us to come to fucking Complex Fest or whatever the shit?
They did.
They reached out.
They reached out.
Yo, emphasis on the con.
Something.
Dude, they're podcasting.
Hey, let us convince you we're cool.
I got no problem with complex, man, but that was, come on, son.
You got to pay homage.
James Dolan, shockingly racist man.
Is it shocking?
Not that shocking.
I mean.
Not that shocking.
Thou doth protest too much, bro.
How the hell do you think you'll pull a guy like Masai Ujiri?
Masai Ujiri. Masai Ujiri.
Masai.
He's Nigerian.
Masai's not a Nigerian name.
There's one of them.
How do you not know his name?
Masai's not a Nigerian name.
He is.
You should know Masai's name, yo.
Whatever.
You know what I mean.
How the fuck do you think you could-
You just let down your people, son.
Son, you really did, bro.
You let down our people.
Because I mispronounced the-
Fuck you, Alex.
I'm 10% Nigerian. Are you not Puerto Rican today, Alex? You're 10% Niger did, bro. You let down our people. Because I mispronounced the word. Fuck you, Alex. I'm 10% Nigerian.
Oh, you're not Puerto Rican today, Alex?
You're 10% Nigerian, bro.
You're not Puerto Rican now?
Come on, yo.
I claim it, son.
Real talk.
Son, he like the Elizabeth Warren in Nigerian.
Real talk, bro.
You might be.
I found out I'm Nigerian.
Yeah?
I am.
I'm 90% Nigerian.
For real. I just 90% Nigerian. For real.
I just did a 23andMe.
James Dolan got a 23andMe test you can take to find out how black you are.
That's why Andy Schoen didn't make it past the first season.
That's why.
They pulled the plug.
He tried chess.
He was like, hold on.
Wait a minute.
What's this Eurobob motherfucker doing on our network?
We only kill careers over here.
Yo, real talk, Mello might be a good basketball player.
Mello might actually be a good black...
Yeah, you're right.
Let me stop.
Y'all really think...
That's a ridiculous thing.
You watch...
What's the dude on the Lakers?
Contell...
Contavious Caldwell Pope.
Contavious Caldwell Pope.
Yes.
And Mello can't get a look?
Jared Dudley can't get off the bench? Because Contavious Caldwell Pope. Yes. And Melo can't get a look? Son.
Jared Dudley can't get off the bench?
Because Contavious Caldwell Pope will shut the fuck up if somebody says something to him.
Exactly.
He'll play his role.
Melo's done nothing but shut the fuck up for the past year.
Son, no.
All he does is do videos of Chris Brickley and just be like, yo, somebody please sign me.
I'll do anything.
He's too thirsty.
He's really thirsty.
Now he's too thirsty?
He uses equity up, yo.
He's done.
I don't believe you. I don't He's done. I don't believe you.
I don't know, bro.
I don't believe you.
What is he really going to offer your team?
There's a point at which you're not good enough.
Not really, though.
Buckets, bro.
Not really, though.
Buckets.
There's motherfuckers in here that cannot go and get you a bucket.
Not really.
And whatever the fuck you say about this dude, he can still do that.
Not really, though.
Oh, gosh.
You know what I mean?
He should go drive a fucking subway.
Even Chris Paul looks fucking good right now.
He's in a Thunder. Yo, what team is he on?
On the Thunder
How much did we forget about Chris Paul?
I forgot he was in the league
Dog, and they were like winning games
They look actually like not terrible
They look better than the Rockets
Do they really?
Yeah
Yo, did you see that video of him blowing the guy?
What?
Nah, I'm just joking
Oh wait, they're not better than the Rockets
But still
Yo, how are the Clippers 6-3?
That's four more games I thought they was going to win.
My fault.
Yo, the Clippers 6-3.
Oh, because Kawhi taking rest.
Yeah, rest.
Everybody's 6-3.
Look at the fucking stack this goddamn conference is.
Look at my Lakers, bro.
That's my team, bro.
Yo, look at my Lakers, bro.
The Lake Show, that's my team.
You know what I mean?
I think the Nuggets are going to make it to the finals.
I don't know if I'm an idiot for that, but I think... Nah, I fucks with the Nuggets.
That's what I think is doing it. I don't know, bro.
I heard they don't look quite as good right now, but
that was my pick early on. I'm not gonna lie. Nuggets
is a word that I don't even feel comfortable saying.
Nuggets, bro?
Too many N and G's. It's a lot of N
and G in that one, bro. N and G's and S's
in there, bro. Nuggets? Yo. I respect that.
I respect that. Nugget.
Nugget? I don't even know. Nugget sounds like you that. Nougat? It's a nougat?
Nougat sounds like you combine in two.
Right?
No, nougat is like the shit inside the Snickers.
Even Snickers don't sound right.
This whole thing is a game to get you to say the N-word, bro.
I was watching this Nuggets game.
I started eating some nougat.
You ever have a Snickers?
When you get that second N-word, I got uncomfortable. You got to lean into that K when you say Snickers. Snickers. Oh, let me get a Snickers? Yo, when you get that second N word, I got uncomfortable. You got to lean into that K when you say Snickers.
Snickers.
Oh, let me get a Snickers.
Or like underwear.
Snickers.
Snickers.
Underwear is terrifying, bro.
I can't even say it.
The underwear in England.
Yeah, what they call it in England.
Yeah.
Knickers?
I call them Knickers.
Yeah.
I pronounce a K in that motherfucker.
Knickers.
Knickers.
Knickers.
You know that thing when they make shit for bars and shit?
It's called a swigger.
Oh, yeah.
I don't know that one.
Wow.
You really wanted to say that.
That's right.
It's called a what?
A swigger.
Oh, no.
That's too close, bro.
That's too close, bro.
Could you say that one?
Swiggers?
Yeah.
Swigger don't bother me.
Swigger.
Listen.
Swagger. That's fine. That is true. That is true. Swagger is fine. Swiggers never Yeah. Swigger don't bother me. Swigger. Swagger, that's fine.
That is true.
Swagger is fine.
Swiggers never bother me.
Dagger?
I'm actually more comfortable around swiggers.
Like those guys.
Swiggers?
Yeah, swiggers make me comfortable.
I mean, you guys are cool too, but you know.
What is a swigger?
The thing in the bar, right?
That's what it is
Oh
Yeah
I thought it's like a Swedish
No
Swedish dude with brown hair?
That's what they were calling
ASAP in jail
And Alex
Oh god
Son, ASAP going back to Sweden, son
Bro
Because he got to
For what?
Not to do a show.
No, he's not doing a show out there.
I respect it.
Fuck that, Steve.
I really like the balls on this, bro.
If I'm him, I'll tell him.
When he goes over there, I'll tell him to eat all my dicks.
You can't go back.
He's got to tell him to eat his dicks.
We're not doing a show there.
We're not supporting that.
Yeah, fuck all that.
And people go, it's not all the Swedish people.
We know it's not all the Swedish people.
Obviously, it's not the Swedish people.
We fuck with Swedish people.
But your government conspired to keep him in prison.
So when a government conspires to keep a guy in prison against false pretense, you can't feel safe there.
You know what I mean?
Even if they paid you how much?
Was it $12 million?
He can't need that, yo.
He can't need that bag that much.
Sweden, son.
Sweden.
Whatever.
Same shit.
Yo, man.
Yo. To Sweden
Not all white countries
Are the same bro
God
What's the difference
Between Sweden and Switzerland
Right now
3000 miles
Chocolate
Chocolate
Good answer
The army knives
Good answer
Army knives
Meatballs
Yeah yeah yeah
Well wienerschnitzel
Meatballs is Sweden Army knives is Switzerland Switzerland they well wienerschnitzel meatballs are Sweden
army knives are Switzerland
Switzerland they speak
a bunch of different languages
yeah Roger Federer is Swiss
he speaks like seven languages
they make them watches
Switzerland is
Switzerland's
oh you're right about it
that's well said
if you really want to be white
avidly
it's so funny
Switzerland's white
got a line in my fucking
Act with that
We might have to cut that
You gotta cut it
Damn
But go on go on
We could bleep
I thought you were hating
I was like why you ain't laughing
That's great
Cause I'm like
Yeah
I know I know
But
Fuck
Drake got booed
Son
Talk about that
First of all
This guy Drake
When he's getting booed
I don't know if you guys
Are watching this Tyler Creators.
Camp Flogknog.
Camp Flogknog.
It's a festival that he does every year.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's Wolfgang backwards?
Wolfgang backwards, yeah.
Oh, I thought it was Wang Golf.
No, it's Golf Wang.
Golf Wang.
Golf Wang.
Yeah.
Oh, I thought it's like, I just imagine you're playing golf with your dick.
Maybe.
I don't know.
It's Wolfgang?
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
Anyway, so Tyler's got a massive great following
It's really brilliant what he's been able to do
And curated this amazing audience
And he asked Drake to, I guess, perform at this festival that he throws
And then they fucking booed Drake
And because he wasn't Frank Ocean
Right
Can I read his tweets today?
Okay, let's see.
Tyler, the creator.
Tyler, the creator's tweets.
He said,
quote,
I thought bringing one of the biggest artists
on the fucking planet
to a musical festival was fire,
but flip side,
a little tone deaf,
knowing that specific crowd it drew.
Some created a narrative in their head
and acted out like assholes
when it didn't come true,
and I don't fuck with that.
This nigga did feel No Ways.
Song is beautiful.
Also, mostly everyone was having a great time.
Those shits in the front area were the ones being mad rude,
which I can see why, but nah, fuck that.
Y'all misrepresented me and flogged to my guests
and made us look so entitled and trash.
That shit was like mob mentality and cancel culture in real life,
and I think that shit is fucking trash.
Nigga did Feel No Ways That song was beautiful
Most guys don't do album cuts
Thank you Aubrey
Like I love that song
And thought that would never happen
And he really did that for me
And I appreciate it because he did not have to come at all
See our worlds come together was so great in theory
But hey man shit happens
All jokes aside low-key funny ha ha ha
Aside from that hope everyone had a good time again
No rest no bullshit, man.
A lot of people enjoyed it.
Thanks again.
Again, thank you, Drake.
I'm fucking pissed.
Hotline Bloom was next, and that's my fucking shit.
I'm going to play that in the shower right now.
Okay, last tweet.
I was in the front, and I hear Tyler.
And I look to my left, and this girl, red-faced, puffy, waterfall of tears,
looked into my soul and said, trembling with anger,
what the fuck
is this shit
nigga I turned away
so quick
she was pissed bro
and that was it
that shit was not cool dog
and he ended it with a K
so I had a theory
about this
I've never been
to a Tyler show
great show
puts on a great show
is
is his audience
predominantly male
yeah it's a nice little mix Tyler brings out I would suspect Great show. Puts on a great show. Is his audience predominantly male?
Yeah.
It's a nice little mix.
I would suspect that his audience is predominantly male.
I would suspect that, and there's nothing wrong with that at all.
Yeah.
But I would suspect his audience is predominantly male.
And the thing about Drake is- He brings out the bitches.
Yeah.
Oh, outside bringing out the bitches.
It's not about him bringing them out.
It's he performs to them.
So imagine it's 90% dudes, right?
And like skateboardery, kind of like hipstery dudes.
And Drake is singing love songs to you and you're like,
all right, man.
All right, get out of here with that shit.
Now, that premise holds true until you realize who they actually wanted to perform,
which was the gay guy who was going to sing those love songs about you to you.
They wanted Frank Ocean.
They booed Drake for Frank Ocean.
Can we acknowledge Frank Ocean
As one of the most overrated artists
In the history of music
Can we talk about it
Get the hype
I mean he's good
But like
How
What is he so good at
Can I read one more thing
The most brilliant marketing
He could have possibly done
Is just go the fuck away
That's how you know that
Tyler's fans are super hypeys
Because they like the shit
They can't get
Yeah
They treat Frank Ocean
Like a Jordan release
Let me read one more fan account.
Off-white.
He's Virgil of music.
Yes.
Virgil Records.
That's what they should call themselves.
Virgil Records, Megastore, opening up in Times Square.
Now, this is from somebody who attended it, and he said, and this is making arounds on
Reddit.
Okay, it wasn't as simple as spoiled crowd boo-drape because they were expecting Frank,
like it was partially that, but that shit went down because so much confusion was set up to fail.
Here's what happened.
The entire festival is at this set and it's fucking packed.
Tyler comes out five minutes late and says, thank you for coming, yada, yada, yada.
Can I bring out some friends?
Crowd gets hyped and A$AP Rocky comes out, plays two songs and leaves.
Tyler comes back out, says, can I bring out another friend?
Crowd gets hyped.
Lil Uzi Vert comes out, plays two songs and dips.
Tyler does it again. This time Drake comes out. Drake plays plays a song says tyler wanted me for one or two songs but
can i play some more if you want plays like five songs and people are hype but he keeps alluding
like almost he keeps like alluding to almost being done so people don't know if he was the final
person or what he then says he has two more songs and people are like cool there's still like a half
hour that means more performances he finishes the two songs and people are like cool there's still like a half hour that
means more performances he finished the two songs and says do you guys uh want more and everybody
was like uh maybe like no one knew what was happening and so apparently he didn't like the
response so he just walked off and then nothing literally stood there for 15 minutes not knowing
it was over or what the fuck was happening finally the lights go on and the words thanks for coming
comes on the big screen i wasn't at the front so maybe I didn't hear the boos, but people
were trying to get down to the songs from what I saw
and while the people around me at least were disappointed
if Drake was the finale, so to speak,
they would have been fine and enjoyed the set
if they had made it clear no one else was coming.
Yeah, I saw
the video. I didn't watch it.
It's, some people
were there, some people weren't. I thought that he
handled it so graciously and this is why he's been on the top of the game for 10 years is like he literally just
goes to them he sees the booze he goes listen i'm here for y'all if y'all want me to be here
right and i'm down to perform for y'all if y'all want it do you want me to keep going and then
there's some rise and there's some booze he goes all right y'all thank you so much i love y'all
y'all have a good night like in that
moment and we've all had that moment on stage as comics where we just go into fuck you mode and
just start tearing the fucking crowd apart and digging in to have that humility yeah son that's
why he's been on top of the game and someone asked him about he's like you got to welcome the
humbling moments that was a humbling moment you he's the biggest rapper in the world has been for the last 10 years a motherfucker got booed like that is it made me feel so good
why because like he's so successful he's so fucking successful and this guy who's made
almost like a billion dollars making whatever the fuck he was still found a crowd of people
who didn't fuck with him so if there's any like thing to take from that it's like yo if he hasn't already and this is from someone who's not a fan if he hasn't already
he's going to be in that goat conversation oh yeah right next to the artist of the decade
like nobody's been bringing him in the 20s but it's gonna be like they're not they're gonna look
at jay-z like whatever man jay-z's a better businessman drake's a better rapper drake's a
better day like it's gonna be a real debate too you're not going to have a lot of grounds to disagree.
Oh, yeah, because he's got...
The thing that Drake has that Jay-Z never really had
was those hit songs.
Juice.
Juice.
Juice for sure.
Juice and Canadians.
That is very true.
But Drake got those hit songs, man.
Like, Hove was always like...
Hove never had bangers like that.
He never had hits like that.
He had a handful. He had Hard Knock knock life he had fucking and even big people wasn't like huge like how I'm bling was huge fucking God's I heard big
pimple huge like the big pin was poppy songs trust me I understand what you say
about like big song but we talking about about massive Z100, top 40,
number one, you beating out Taylor Swift, Madonna,
those type of shit.
I understand what he's saying.
Those type of shit.
He's crossed over to mainstream music in general,
not just hip hop.
Yeah, Big Kibbutz is big to us,
but Jay-Z don't got a bigger song than God's Plan.
Jay-Z don't got a bigger song than fucking Hotline Play.
Jay-Z don't got one dance.
He don't got no dances. He ain't got one dance, bro. Jay-Z don't got a bigger song than fucking Hotline Play. Jay-Z don't got one dance. He don't got no dances. He ain't got
one dance, bro. He don't got
like... Jay-Z kind of trash. You right.
Alright, don't say all that.
We ain't gonna say
all that shit, bro.
But now, I guess it's...
No.
You almost had me there. Almost had me.
Stir up the pot, baby.
Stir up the pot. baby. Stir up the pot.
I definitely do foresee a world where people don't even look at Jay-Z as a rapper, like
on some Charles Barkley shit.
Kids are just like, oh, that's just the funny guy on TNT.
It's like, no, Charles Barkley was the shit when he played ball.
The shit.
Charles the man, bro.
Charles the motherfucking man.
This is the beginning of the end for Drake people have always loved him this is the first
time I've ever seen the people not love him but these are the types of people
don't know like this this crowd his, like Tyler's crowd, I imagine reflects
Tyler and his life,
which is a little bit outcasted.
They're like the,
Tyler's like the black
insane clown posse.
And his fans are like
that version as well.
Like, we didn't fit into
the stereotype of our race.
Yeah.
Do you know what I'm talking about?
I get what you're saying.
Juggalos, they're black juggalos.
Yeah, they're like black misfits
And also the white kids they feel a little weird and they also skateboard and they're all like hey, we're all outsiders
But then again you all hang out with each other so you're not outsiders you have your own group
But you want to fit like they're leader built this entire fan base off of being like the anti Drake
Yeah, but their leader who's Tyler?
Invited Drake out so they should automatically like the person that their leader is telling you,
hey, I'm inviting to my concert.
So the fact that the people are going against their leader and booing Drake,
that means Drake is starting to lose fan faith.
Ten years is a long time.
I know he's been on top for a long time.
Everybody got to go down.
This is the beginning of that.
Everybody got time.
But just like that, now he's got something to prove. I think he's been on top for a long time. Everybody got time. Everybody got to go down. This is the beginning of that. Everybody got time. But just like that, now he's got something to prove.
I think he's too smart, bro.
I think the guy's too smart.
I think it's similar to what happened with Jay-Z after Ether,
where the push thing, I think Drake recovered quicker,
but there's still a little weird thing, but it'll eventually go away.
It's a chink in the armor.
It definitely is a chink in the armor,
because I can't even listen to if you're reading this,
it's too late anymore.
And I love that project.
That was my favorite Drake project at one point, but now I just hear
What's the name Quentin Quentin? What's the Quentin Miller?
Quinn Miller I just hear the fucking reference tracks every time I put on a song my damn
He really ruined that album for me. I'm me grew now dude. Isn't it so weird that you can say chink in the armor?
It's a normal term.
You can say chink in the arm.
You can't say chink in the armchair, right?
That would be super racist.
You can say chink in the armor, but not chink in the armchair.
And there is-
Can you imagine if you made that slip up on a TV broadcast?
On national TV?
Say what?
What'd they say?
Oh, was it the Jeremy Lin thing?
Yeah, so they said that about Jeremy Lin, that there's a ch the armor i don't know they said armor though but imagine if you were like
there's you just it's just one of those chinks in the armor
are we hiding chinks in the armor like it would be a crazy thing to say it just shows you like
what that type of thing shows you right it exposes the absurdity of of like language
and meaning that we put into language right they're literally just sounds that we make out
of our mouth and we add all the meaning to them like the n-word thing where we couldn't even say
words that were around the n-word why it's just sounds they're literally just sounds and people will fight someone out of
a wall outside of walmart because you say that sound to them why give someone that much power
over you feels good that popeye's video though of the guy getting fucked up that shit was hilarious
yeah but they did that to take his chicken sandwich i had nothing to do with the n-word
but that's what it's not but they. He never even called him N-word.
No, yes, he did.
No, he didn't.
They made that up.
Son, you see, it's a video.
He goes,
have a nice day, guys.
And they're like,
they're like,
yo, he called us N-word.
Take his chicken sandwich.
Can I talk about that chicken sandwich?
Yeah.
What?
Yo.
It's not as good as it was
the first time?
Bro, the new shit
stepped on, B.
Really?
The new shit has stepped on. It's mids? Yo, like, I don't know what they did with the first time. Bro, the new shit stepped on, B. Really? The new shit has stepped on.
It's mids?
Yo, like, I don't know what they did with the OG formula.
The OG formula had some cracks wriggled in it or something.
I think there was something wrong with the old one.
You think something was wrong with the old one?
It was a mistake.
No, no, no.
I think they put something in it that shouldn't have been.
That's why they pulled it quick before they got caught.
Before people started testing it.
Really?
I can see that.
I think so.
I can see that.
And what do you think they put on that
just made black people go crazy?
Extra chicken. MSG.
I'm thinking MSG.
Extra chicken.
What's MSG? Watermelon seeds.
MSG is like a type of salt.
Let me tell you one thing.
That shit is really bad.
It tastes amazing.
It tastes amazing, right?
Yeah.
But it's horrible for you.
Yeah.
And that's why James Dolan named it MSG.
Because it feels good while it kills you.
The Knicks don't even feel good.
No.
Think about the Knicks name, the Knickerbockers.
He has the N-word built into it.
He's a racist man.
This is, he's a truly racist man who hates black people, bro.
He named his team the Knickerbockers so he could say the N-word freely around them.
Yes, the team was named way before him, but it doesn't matter.
He bought that team. Get around Knicks. Oh, my gosh. Yes, the team was named way before him, but it doesn't matter.
Gather round, Knicks.
Gather round, Knicks.
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my gosh. And that's why he wants them to lose all the time, so he can always hear, man, they moved the hell out of them, Knicks.
Yo!
I'm pretty sure he had a few slip-ups.
They beat them, Knicks.
Like, they stole some, which they probably did. He's like, where's those Knicks? I mean, Kn few slip ups Beat them Knicks Like they stole some Which they probably did
He's like where's those Knicks
I mean Knicks Knicks Knicks
He's like where's those Knicks
Every year I hope
James Dolan
Racist man
Just give him that
Racist man
Just give him that Sterling bro
Aren't you trying to do the garden one day son
Say what
Aren't you trying to play the garden one day
We gonna delete all this
I'm about to say I just got proof of press passes do the garden one day. Say what? Or you try to play the garden one day. We gonna delete all this?
Don't.
I'm about to say, I just got proof of press passes
now.
No, we gonna,
we gonna,
we gonna work this out.
We gonna work this out.
We still need to fucking,
somebody to put the old episodes
on Patreon only.
Man, we gonna figure that out.
Look,
right after this racist ass
Dolan gets out of office,
we need to get Dolan
out of office, bro.
That's what it is.
That's how much I care about my Knicks.
You guys got to figure out scandals.
If I got any Cowboy fans that want to get a Me Too for Jerry Jones,
you got a girl that you're willing to serve up?
At least Jerry Jones is like, he keeps you all in the conversation.
Listen, I'm not going to say.
Y'all is probably worse.
Yeah, y'all's is probably worse,
but it also sucks to just always have hope and then lose it.
But they're both just, you got to get them out of there.
It's terrible.
It's terrible.
Dude, who plays the lottery more than black people?
Spanish folk.
Spanish.
This is true.
People of color love the lottery.
Get them numbers.
Right?
They play my numbers.
Do Indians play a lot of them?
If it's only when it gets like massive.
Stop it.
They sell it.
Like the what the?
They sell it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That ain't wrong. Not wrong at it. They sell it. Like the what though? They sell it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That ain't wrong.
Not wrong at all.
They got it right there.
I wonder if we get margins on the lotto tickets.
I've been wanting that.
They be holding that shit up to the light like, is this?
Trying to find the right one.
The stores that win, they get a cut.
Yeah, you get a piece.
Yeah.
Oh, word.
And they own all the stores.
They got it.
That's how we hustle yo
Yeah
Yo MVP convo
Lamar Jackson
Lamar Jackson
I still got Russell Wilson
Bro
But
Lamar's looking
Impresivo
Bro
Impresivo
I tweeted this yesterday
If NFL players
Have Heisman moments
Yesterday was
This fucking Heisman moment
That little spinny
I didn't see that
Can somebody pull that up?
I was traveling.
Bro.
I tell the show on the night.
It was Vic-esque.
Son.
Vic-esque, bro.
Started running downhill like Vic.
Remember when Vic would really put on the jets and it seemed like his legs were catching
up to his body like a cartoon.
You would watch it in slow motion and it's still moving mad fast.
Just murdering it.
Motherfucking murdering it.
And we should never, ever, ever.
The better he gets at passing too, it's going to get unfair.
Oh, perfect passer rating today, by the way.
Last game.
Perfect passer rating.
Here it goes.
Right here.
Boom.
Fake option.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Whoop.
Excuse me.
Whoop.
And we gone. Son, and Excuse me. Whoop. Excuse me. Whoop. And we gone.
And we gone.
Step.
Spin.
Gone.
Gone.
No one's touching him.
Untouched.
That's just like game day.
Jesus Christ.
Out of here.
Sorry.
And this is a guy who hates to run.
He said, I would rather just sit in a pocket and throw.
But if he could do that shit, come on.
Fuck on, dude.
But honestly, those are the types of plays where if he gets blasted by a linebacker or a safety when he does that.
Oh, he will one day.
Everybody will be calling him an idiot for it.
He will one day.
But he's the best show in football right now.
That's why Steve Young said this.
About any mobile quarterback, you have to learn to do most of your damage from the pocket.
And I think that's part of it is you're concerned about this guy getting hurt.
And that's always my concern with him, man.
As someone who loves watching him play, I don't want him to get hurt.
I need him to do this sparingly.
Take your shots when they're really necessary.
But he actually can throw.
He seems like he's getting better at pocket passing and wants to.
Like Dak got better at pocket passing.
Dude, what was that video with Dak?
I was watching limited audio in the green room,
and there's something like there's a way when you're scrambling to the left,
you open up your hips a certain way and you can throw it better.
So he was literally just doing that hip shift to prepare for if I'm on the run.
And then I didn't see any good real memes about it.
I thought there would be one.
I tweeted the best one.
That's a very New York one.
That's about to be the next dance on TikTok.
Bro.
Oh, yeah.
The shit he's doing.
They got remixed that shit.
Overnight.
You got it on my timeline, Eden?
I just tweeted it out, like, a few moments ago.
But what was it?
Here it is.
There it is.
See, I was, like, opening up his hip.
Put up that volume, though.
Can you play that?
Yeah, yeah, no.
Don't play it.
Don't play it.
It's when Blackie goes suave, I'm in.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave.
Suave. I'm like, can I do that? I'm like, am I supposed to trust you for that? What? Try to do it.
You think I can do that?
Hold on.
Let's see.
Let's see.
Let's see.
You just got to throw that.
You just got to throw that.
Hey.
You just got to hit that.
You got to get the wing.
Kaz is only moving his upper body.
Your hips ain't.
Let me give you some space, Kaz.
Okay, get that shit.
Hey.
Hey. Hey. Sorry. Your hips ain't Let me give you some space, Kaz Okay, get that shit Kaz gonna do that too hard And dick slap
Somebody's gonna photoshop
These dick slaps
Oh, gosh
I don't mind
That actually felt really good
Thank you
Oh, boy
Oh, boy Elvis Crespo, bro What else. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
Elvis Crespo, bro.
What else we got, boys?
We got a long episode because we got the interview as well.
So we're going to wrap this one up.
We could talk about poor Gordon Haywood.
We could talk about KSI, Logan Paul.
LSU, Bama was a great game.
We could talk about Hermione dating herself.
This bitch a loser in the books and real life.
We can talk about Hermione dating herself.
This bitch a loser in the books and real life.
That's funny.
That's funny.
Hey, bitch, nobody like you ever, huh?
She said, she's like, I'm not single.
I'm self-partnered.
You know what's so sad about that is that she's admitting that she doesn't want to be lonely.
So she made up like a fake best friend or something like that.
Like self-partner.
Just say you alone.
Say no one want to deal with your yapping about the environment.
Is this the bitch that care about the environment?
Most bitches care about the environment.
Is this the Swedish bitch?
She does look a little like her. This is Hermione Granger, yo.
Ain't that the environment, though? She does look a little like her. She is Hermione Granger, yo. Ain't that the environment, though?
She does look a little like her.
She ain't, uh, Twilight bitch?
That's not the Twilight bitch.
No, this is the girl from Harry Potter that cares about the environment from Sweden.
You might be right.
I don't know, though.
I don't know.
I'm pretty sure she's English.
She's so cute right there.
I'm partnering this dick up here.
You know what I'm saying?
You know what I mean? You know what I mean?
You know what I mean over here?
Shit.
Back in the day before you had a girlfriend, of course.
Yeah, you're right.
You're right.
You're right.
You're right.
What do you say, man?
I wish I would have had that a few weeks ago.
I wish I would have had that.
He remembered, bro.
That's why I was laughing.
That's how you know I was getting flagged around here.
I totally forgot. Who's got a miney out here, bro. He hit that. That's why I was laughing. That's how you know I was getting flagrant out here. I totally forgot.
Get a mindy out here, bro.
I know he remembered because he hit the no, I'm just kidding right away.
Oh, God.
I just did.
No, I'm just kidding.
No, I forgot about my girlfriend when I said that.
Oh, God.
And then Alex reminded me.
Son, that's how much he loves Harry Potter.
Son, he throw it all away.
You know what?
I'm reading the books.
I'm just slacking.
My girl told me about Harry Potter So that's on her
That's on you
Okay
That's on you
You made me cheat
You made me cheat
Now come get this quidditch bitch
Watch you ride my broom
There we go
Oh that's so great bro
Yo
When I heard that
Yo isn't it funny that
I thought it was Loki kind of fly
What That self partnership Why Why is it fly Cause I can just run with that That's so great, bro. Yo, when I heard that, I thought it was low-key kind of fly. What?
That self-partnership.
Why?
Why?
Why is it fly?
Because I can just run with that.
Yo, you know what's mad funny about?
You know, black women have been doing this for decades, though.
I got it, man.
His name is Jesus.
It's the same thing.
It's just there's what we got to tell bitches.
My son is my Valentine-ass bitch.
The fucking worst yo
Like come on man
Yo that's funny though
You wanna tell girls
Tell girls that you're self partnered
So you can't be in a relationship
Cause I'm self partnered right now
Self partnered
Oh
Gang
I guess a little bit
Yo you know what's funny though
About witches
Is that like
It's like
you know how they
be riding on the
brooms and shit
right
it's like
even with all
your magical powers
you still gotta clean
you know
I'm saying like
like these bitches
can hocus pocus
and a cauldron
and a cauldron
you can clean it
clean it bitch
that's all you are
Get out of here
With your hocus pocus
Why don't you
Hocus pocus the bed
Okay
Why don't you
Get the fucking
Dustpan out
Let's go
Fix up this house
Yeah
Jesus Christ
Anyway
Guys
It's been wild
We got an interview
Coming up right now
With our guy
Trevor Wallace
very
yeah we'll do it after
but
very funny kid
making his way
in new media
I'm very proud of him
and I want to
you know
give him this platform
to showcase his stuff
you guys might have seen
some of his viral videos
out there in the world
and
I'm sure you'll get used to him he also got a podcast called Stiff Socks he's got a podcast with our boy stuff you guys might have seen some of his viral videos out there in the world and um
we also got a podcast called stiff socks we've got a podcast with our boy michael blaustein
we talk about that um in the interview as well enjoy and um you already know keep it tight as
always it's been flagrant too p what's up everybody now um my illustrious podcast hosts are not in town,
even though you've probably listened to them for about an hour with me today.
Akash is in Tempe currently because we're recording this on Sunday,
and Kaz is probably doing anything else.
That's Kaz's level of dedication to this podcast.
He's doing anything.
He treats us worse than his feet.
You got to see a picture of those feet no you really don't you really don't have to see but but we have a special guest here i'm very excited to have on the podcast i've been watching your
your rise and grind now for uh for a while you popped up on my radar um i think just by dming me
you you yeah yeah you were doing oxnard liberty live out there and i was
like before that yeah even for that yeah yeah this is trevor wallace everybody you probably have seen
100 have seen some of the youtube videos tons of these viral youtube videos um the first one i saw
that really i think i texted you about it it was the dads oh yeah yeah i was fucking dying man but you do these characters where
you're mocking these you're mocking you're mocking these figures right yeah your stereotypes pretty
much as a personality of somebody yeah and you really get into character and now you got other
guys kind of doing it with you and yeah yeah kind of just expanding found this like little
group of people that just like riff similarly and i mean we don't write any of the shows just
turn the camera on film for 45 minutes condense it's like five minutes in yeah
but what i mean i've never been a big like here's a script can you hit that line like it feels just
so like static and not funny to me so we just fuck around getting that's the hard part about acting
right is like making so many auditions yeah i mean they send me out on legit shit and i eat
shit for it you know i had
an audition for silicon valley ate so much shit for it yeah you know and it's because you're
looking at it like man i could write this funnier right i would say this in this moment and you're
like is that a is that like a question mark is that a comma and then you're like saying it and
then you're just looking like in a mirror it just doesn't feel right it doesn't feel like a human
you're like yeah you're like i'm trying to i don't know no i get it completely it's so much easier to say shit that like comes to you organically right exactly that's and that's why
some look i don't have a lot of respect for actors at all but like there are certain things like we
had jeremy piven on on the podcast and jeremy piven said he didn't uh ad lib or improv a single
line really from entourage and while that's crazy to me i was heartbroken because
i thought that he wrote everything yeah the character was just so i don't know it's just
so amazing but he's like no every word was in the script and then i was like okay as an actor that's
pretty impressive because you made it seem right you know so you but it's like he's just bringing
words to life you know shout out to the writers you know i was like where are the writers getting
hoes off this is it just jeremy definitely not i don't think i don't think
writers get hoes and real talk they should because they're the most powerful people that's what i'm
saying if you're a really good writer all they gotta do is write in uh blonde 38 year old looks
like a jessica oh then the girl comes in and jessica she auditions oh wow boom he's gonna
get any roles right pivins out here just reading lines saying shit and fucking yeah but but they're like we were saying it's hard to read a line it is it's hard to read a
line and make it funny like it's the antithesis of everything that we learn in stand-up yeah like
stand-up oh i should say that your background is stand-up yeah started standing first yeah
started stand-up first then you started working for um russell simmons yeah all that digital all that digital and
i think that's when you reached out to me and you were offering to help me out with my instagram
yeah and it was it was great and uh just like literally everybody who's ever worked with me
they like reached out and they're like hey you can do this better and you were teaching me how to
i was just trying to reach up to the next level and be like how do i get in with somebody that's
exactly that's what Mark did.
That's what Alex did.
You know, I'm sure, Ed, and I don't know how you got here.
You hit up Alex.
Oh, fuck, this guy got here.
Fuck, who the fuck are you?
He's like, oh, no, I sleep on the floor below.
Oh, word, yeah.
But you did what so many people don't do, right?
So many people are like, hey, can I open up for you on the road?
What value does that add for you?
Zero value.
Right, exactly.
You immediately came in with value, and I saw that you understood new media,
and I was trying to get an understanding of new media at the time,
and I'm not shocked at all to see what's happening, man.
It's really exploded for you.
Thank you, man.
It's been crazy.
So you catch this niche, right?
And what do you even call it?
Shit.
I feel like i just play the
stereotypes that people know really well it's like because it's usually a trait of somebody
yes because it's a lot of times for me comedy is it'll be like hometown hero yeah the other one
the hometown bro uh like the guy who never leaves home yeah the hometown guy yeah so like for that
one i just went down my facebook i don't fuck with facebook really it's yeah it's a weird place
it feels like just like a shitty applebee's so like I go through it and I
just like, because what happened, that character
some dude messes me from my hometown. He
used to be the quarterback, like stud, long hair
like fucking, he looked
like a... Is long hair a good quality?
What was that QB, Sonny?
Oh bro, I mean as a high school
quarterback, it doesn't even matter bro. You fucking
hand off the ball and you got good hair, you're
getting ass, you know?
He DM'd me one day, he's like, yo I got a three year old if you ever need it for a video. And It doesn't even matter, bro. Dude, he's a stud. Long hair. You fucking hand off the ball and you got good hair, you're getting ass, you know? He DM'd me one day.
He's like, yo, I got a three-year-old if you ever need it for a video.
And I was just like, bro, offering up a three-year-old to be in a video.
And I was just like, what?
Dude, he throws passes, bro.
That's what he does.
He's still quarterbacking.
Yeah, exactly.
He's just lobbing off that baby, fucking hot routing him.
So I just heard that.
And I was like, what the fuck is wrong With people from my hometown
Right
Then I started going through Facebook
And started writing that
Where are you from originally
Camarillo, California
Camarillo
You know Oxnard
Levity Live Club
Yeah Camarillo's the outlets
Yeah yeah
You know the outlets
I went to UCSB
Look at this
Yeah you did
Santa Barbara
What is this
Shellfish Company
Come on baby
Camarillo
That's born and raised
I know Camarillo
Keep going
So you see him
You think he's a loser
Because he offers up his child to you.
I was just like, what the fuck is wrong with people?
And then you decide to make fun of him.
You're a fucking sociopath.
Yo, yeah, I have to.
This poor guy is trying to get a free babysitter.
Yeah, oh, I didn't even think about that.
Dude, that's all it was.
I bet this douchebag will watch my kid for four hours.
You got tickets to the fucking lifted truck convention down the street.
You got to go to Spearmint.
Yeah, exactly.
There is a Spearmint Rhino right in our town.
Santa Barbara, bro.
Fucking shout him out.
Wait, you guys got one in Camarillo too?
It's in Oxnard.
It's like 10 minutes away.
The Spearmint.
Oh, they have one in Spearmint.
Is there a lot of Spearmint Rhinos?
Yeah, yeah.
It's a chain.
Chain.
Wow.
Chain, yeah.
Oh, there was one called PJ's.
That was the one that was the local one.
PJ's.
It was in Oxnard.
Okay, so you decide to just kind of like roast this one guy.
Now, is he familiar?
You're making fun of him?
Probably, but I also think he's one of those guys that's like,
hey, you see this?
Yo, Trevor Wallace talking shit about me right now.
Yeah, he's hyped about it.
He's like dapping up a three-year-old who just doesn't know what that is.
Three-year-old's just like, bro, what?
We made it.
Give me some titty milk, all right?
Yeah, so I mean, I just take traits.
I was just like, shit I see around and just really just go with
that you know because right i think some of the videos that people do like wigs and this stuff
it's like it's too overproduced i just want something that people can be like oh that's so
much like mark that's so much like this shit you know it's just right relatability and truth and
that's really comedy and right i mean yeah but it wasn't accidental for you and this is why i i want
to have you on because i try to i try to give as much exposure to new media guys as I can.
Guys who I think really understand new media.
Because we're going to be the people that are basically controlling this industry as regular Hollywood kind of falls apart.
I had some general meetings with some networks out here.
They don't get it.
The shit they got coming for 2020.
I was like, what?
What were you talking to them about it was just like every network is like they're bringing back all
these old shows and it's like like why do you think they're doing that because those hit back
in the day and they're like you guys remember this show right it's like yeah two reasons one
it hit back in the day but two the only people that still watch TV. Are the people who used to watch that shit. Damn.
So they're making TV for older people because the TV demo has gotten older because old people don't know how to work YouTube. But when have reboots ever worked?
No, they slap.
Roseanne slapped.
And so she went wild.
Until she took that.
What did she take?
Ambien or some shit and started wilding out on Twitter?
I don't think she took anything.
That's just who she was.
She just woke up.
Yeah, yeah.
She woke up.
She just said the girl looked like Planet of the Apes.
And I'll be honest with you, she didn't not.
She didn't not.
Yo, I retweeted that shit.
That might have been the reason fucking people saw it.
Bro, she didn't not, Al.
Did she not?
That's cool.
That's an edit point right there.
If it was anybody but Roseanne, people would have gotten away with it.
I don't think she looks like a monkey.
I just want to point that out.
We don't have to lose our careers off of this.
Thank you.
But back to what we were saying.
So it seemed to me that this was not like an accident with you.
That like you were working at ADD for a while.
Yeah, yeah.
And then did you witness Russ do anything wild over there?
Russell was, He's so weird
Cause he's very like a yogi
You know
On his Instagram
He would like post
All these like motivational quotes
And then he'd walk in
What the fuck y'all doing
I'm just like bro
What about the peace
Love and positivity shit
Where's the whole
Praying hands and robes
That's how Asians get down bro
I mean
Like
That yoga shit is for white people bro
Cause Asians stay
Murdering each other
Right like
Have y'all ever gone to an Asian place that's calm?
Go to Chinatown.
Are they zen?
No.
They're just screaming, right?
Fish flying out of buckets and shit.
It's nothing yoga at all.
India's crazy.
Is India not crazy?
I think white people are the only ones that find peace and calmness in it.
Yes.
I don't know.
Bro, I've done it.
Because Russell used to own a hot yoga studio and he gave us
free passes. I went a few times.
Was that a grooming crowd?
Bro, it was hidden. It was weird.
It was dark. I didn't know what was going on.
Did you see him going after hoes or what?
They're not as... But it's like a
yoga flex. He would
be touching the back of his heels while having
a conversation like a bridge. Oh yeah, what you doing
after this? Just looking like an upside down you or something but i mean
russell the funniest part about russell is like he's still russell simmons like yeah people
understand like how powerful he was back in the day so like to see him become all zen and all that
shit and then like he in office like i was he was intimidated you know he i was an intern but who
the fuck is this white boy and i just have to be like, I post your memes, sir.
And he's like, man, what the fuck is that?
But he's powerful.
And God damn, it was cool to just work with somebody like that.
I think he's in like Bali right now.
I think he did.
Yeah, he got out.
He got out.
Charge his head and he's like, Dubai.
And then just.
Where can I go where rape is legal?
Allegedly, guys.
Allegedly.
You guys didn't hear the asterisk on that?
There was an asterisk next to that.
I don't know what the fuck Russ is doing.
He did go to some weird ass place.
Thailand?
It was Bali, right?
I think it was Bali.
Bali's in Indonesia?
I think so.
I believe.
Anyway, so.
I believe, bro.
I believe.
He just dipped and was like, new life.
And then, yeah.
You got $100 million in the bank.
Probably got $100 million in cash.
Yeah, I mean, who knows what the fuck he's doing.
He got away with it.
Yeah, I mean, is that the move?
You just dip.
Yeah.
You just third world country it up.
Dude, that's it.
Roman Polanski, bro.
And he got to go to France.
Jesus.
How crazy is that?
That, like, he went to France and America was like, hey, we need him back because he was
like raping girls.
Right.
And France was like, well, how old were they?
And then we were like 15.
They were like, eh.
And then they just depended on the Marylanders.
What is 15, eh?
Metric system.
What the fuck?
Dog years, you know.
Have a year, take a year, daylight saving, whatever.
Jet lag.
You live here.
Jet lag.
Anyway, man.
So here you are in this space.
You're understanding actual new media.
Yeah.
And you're doing what I think some smart people do, which is like try to help somebody with a bigger platform than yourself.
Yeah.
You do that at ADD, right?
You do that.
You try to come to me, right?
And then eventually you make this jump to do it yourself.
What I want to know is when did that happen and what made you you realize okay i'm gonna start helping me instead
of other people yeah uh one of the guys i work with kev on stage you guys if you guys know him
the motherfucker hilarious he's like my mentor and everything yeah it's like i saw him doing it
and i remember do a show with uh tony baker uh him tony bacon to hear more tour together but he
also has a show,
yeah,
Righteous and Ratchet with Doughboy.
With Doughboy,
yeah,
I know that,
yeah,
I caught his on that.
Right,
right,
Doughboy wilding out,
yeah,
he was on that.
Love all those guys.
Yeah,
all those guys are so funny,
so what's cool about ADD
is it kind of launched
a career of so many people,
and then once it went under,
you know,
the talent shined,
and everybody had a platform
from that,
essentially,
but I was working there,
I remember my first video
that hit a million
was like in 2017, I was fucking geek i was like bro like where the hell is
the video where's the mimosas you know no because i was still working a day job
looks like we raped it
get 10 million we'll talk um'm like alright Yeah I had that
And I was like
I was just like
I like showed Kev
And he's like fuck it
Ah well I'm gonna get back to work
And then you know
It was just day to day stuff
What was the video?
It was mocking like
The Zoomies employees
That was like the early early on
The first character I really did
That did well
And then like a year ago
Last September
I just felt it
I was like man
I'm getting these views
I'm starting to get money from videos
I'm saving up money You know like I booked When I really realized it I was like man I'm getting these views I'm starting to get money From videos I'm saving up money
You know like
I booked
When I really realized it
Is like kind of when
I don't know who it was
It was just like bro
Just book your own one nighters
You know do a door deal
Book your own one nighters
Do local shit
You got a big market
In San Diego
So I did my first like
Headlining gig in San Diego
And I was like oh
I can pay rent off that shit
Yeah
And I was like bro
If I do one one nighter a month
I'm set right Yeah So I kind of talked to Kevin on stage about it and he's like look if i didn't
have kids or a wife i would have dipped months ago right yeah so if i was talking to him you know
he's i mean he's smart he doesn't waste any money or any of that shit so once he was like oh i would
have dipped i was like word i'm out so pretty much yeah i uh i had enough money saved up for like
a couple months rent
If shit hit the fan
Or whatever
And then
Right after that
I got a manager
Like a month later
And then I got an agent
And like it's just like
Things just like
Pop pop pop
It's just time
Have they done anything for you
They gave me a bunch of like
Gigs
Just college gigs
Oh the agent
Yeah the agents
Yeah yeah yeah
Managers are useless bro
I mean my managers
The cool part about my manager
Is he came from
CAA as an agent in the touring world.
So he's like a hybrid.
So he just got me a bunch of shit in the beginning.
Oh, if they're bringing you money, it's fine.
Right.
But most of them, I just don't think managers, you need them anymore.
Because you can DM anybody you need.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Who can a manager introduce you to that you can't introduce yourself to?
Or your agent can't? Right. Yeah, yeah, introduce you to that you can't introduce yourself to? Or your agent can't?
Right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, who do you need to talk to?
It's true.
Yeah, I don't know.
But, I mean, I was just so new to everything.
They're like, you need this, you need that.
And then, I mean, that whole industry world is so weird.
And, I mean, I don't know how much, I mean, I'm sure you've been, you've seen the ways of all this shit.
Sure.
You're like, had that, didn't have that.
And, you know, where you're at now is like, you just need you.'re you are the show you are andrew schultz like that's yeah that's
what the club is booking you and then you're in a unique situation too because a lot of like the
the guys who come up from social they don't have stand-up chops right and they have to learn it
start yeah yeah they have to learn it afterwards yeah and some can like do it because they're just
super talented like uh that Joel McHale guy.
Apparently, he just learned stand-up.
Really?
And I think he probably had some, I don't want to say he had writers, but I don't know.
Usually guys who don't do it and then do an hour usually maybe have a little help.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But a lot of these guys don't have a skill to monetize.
Right.
You know?
And then they're like,
their agent will be like,
we need to put you on a live show.
And they're like,
all right,
what do I do?
You got an hour to fuck around.
Yeah.
And bro,
an hour is an insane amount of time.
I mean,
even getting 10 minutes.
It's a long time
listening to two people talk.
Yeah.
I mean,
fuck,
right now,
people are like,
man,
shut up,
Trevor.
We're not cops,
you know?
But yeah, no, it's crazy. I remember the first time, like, man, shut up, Trevor. God damn, where's our cops, you know? But, yeah, no, it's crazy.
I remember the first time, like, early on I had 10 minutes.
Some guy was like, yeah, do 15 tonight.
And I was like, what?
You could light me at 8, though, right?
Bro, I remember when I was starting stand-up, I had this little,
it was a little audio recorder, and it looked kind of like a thick pencil.
And I would get off stage
and i would look at the time yeah and i remember hitting eight minutes and 56 seconds and you're
like i'm gonna call it nine yeah you're like messaging everybody getting a half hour you know
netflix 15 you know i could stretch five but i mean even just building a tight 10 because i because
i was doing stand-up the Bay Area, San Jose.
I had, you know, what I call 10 minutes out there.
I moved to L.A. with that Bay Area 10.
I came down here and I was like, oh, I got zero minutes, bro.
This shit is trash.
So to give like a social media guy, you know, an hour, it's fucking nuts.
Yeah.
Just to, I mean, you say your catchphrases and then, you know, after 10 minutes, people in the audience are like, ah.
Yeah.
Well, that's why you're in a good situation, because you actually do stand-up.
Yeah, and it's great converting, because a comment I get a lot from people is they'll come out and be like,
honestly, bro, I didn't know what the fuck to expect at your show, but we just bought tickets because we support you and we're fans of you.
You could have just took a shit on stage for an hour.
So that's something that I hit you up when I saw you starting to pop with these other YouTube videos.
And I was like, you got it.
Insert the stand-up.
Stand-up, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Even if it's not what they like, even if the videos don't do as well, because it will remind them that you do stand-up well.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The people that are interested.
Yeah. You might have a video get $3 million, right? And you might have a stand-up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The people that are interested. Yeah. You know, you might have a video get three million, right?
And you might have a stand-up video get 300,000.
But at least those 300,000 people are like,
oh shit, he's really good at stand-up.
They saw it, yeah.
They're going to come out.
Because I'm super self-conscious
about what clips I post about stand-up.
Yes.
So, I mean, because essentially you're burning material.
You're going to be like, hey, this is what I want people to,
because when they Google, you know, Trevor Wallace stand-up,
that's what's going to pop up before a show or whatever.
Yeah. But you need to do it. do it because there's so many people out
there that just don't know that you do stand up exactly and that there's layers to it yeah there's
layers to it you know it's like you got to find out oh that's the dude who did that video oh that's
his name that's his instagram oh what's the swipe up oh he's in connecticut for like there's so many
layers to it but if you pop on a stand-up clip it's there you know it's the first layer and it's on the channel that they already subscribe to exactly
because that's what happened with me that's what changed everything with me is like I had all these
people to listen to idiots and I didn't know that they didn't know that I did stand-up really like
I assumed yeah that once you assume it's like the words and you can tell started calling me a stand-up
again really in the last couple years I used to be a podcaster really and i love that because i love
doing this but my identity was always hey i'm you know what it is it's like you know like dominicans
they like don't think they're black but like you looking at them like are you yeah you know what
i mean like you're kind of black you know what i mean? You're kind of black, you know what I mean?
But that's what it was.
It was like I saw myself in some way, but my audience didn't.
And I needed to show them who I was.
And the second I showed them, I started selling out the shows.
But had I never put out the videos to those people who knew I did stand-up
and they never saw it.
Yeah, but you like do stand-up.
That was the only thing I did.
But they didn't know.
And why would they know? It's like even right now like when i when we go
out and we do the tour right i have an hour tour of my material my jokes just the full force
flagrancy it's it's crazy but so many people have seen this the the crowd work moments that happen
randomly in a show yeah a lot of people come to the shows going yo the whole show is going to be crowd work because they see what you give them exactly are who they give them assume
that exactly so it's like important that's why i hit you early i was like keep putting a stand up
in because let both of those grow exactly you know because it is forever different like i know in
probably college markets you're gonna you're murder. Are you doing college gigs?
Yeah, I've been doing colleges.
They're great.
And I mean, just getting the full taste of like, because a lot of times you don't have
an opener and it's a student and they're like reading off a note card.
They're like, influencer, Trevor Wallace.
And then the crowd's like, what the fuck?
Is she okay?
Yo, say this.
This saved me at college shows with the horrible introductions.
You say, I don't care really what you say.
Just say my name last.
Yes.
The worst thing is, tonight we got Trevor Wallace.
You've seen him on ADD and YouTube and he's an influencer and he has Facebook and Instagram
and TikTok and social media.
And you're like.
And yeah.
And I'm like, what's my cue?
Yeah. And the audience doesn't know when And I'm like, what's my cue? Yeah.
And the audience doesn't know when to clap because they clapped at your name.
No.
And now the claps have dissipated.
They're far from the mic.
They're scared as timid.
I'm like, just give me the mic.
Go fucking bring myself up.
Like, this next guy.
And then just.
You don't take anyone on the road?
Starting to a little bit.
What about Blau?
Blau, yeah, yeah.
We're going to do some.
We got some shows coming up.
So you and Blau do a podcast.
Yeah.
Stiff Socks, baby.
Stiff Socks.
And I have no clue what this fucking podcast is about.
I just see the Instagram clips, which I find very funny.
And Blaustein, we've spoken about him on the show before. Yeah, the clip.
Yeah, did we send you that?
No, I got to see it.
The clip.
So my podcast co-host, you guys pulled that prank on him where you told nobody to laugh
in the audience.
Yo, this is so.
Did we talk about this on this?
Yeah, we did.
We did.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So we got to get you that clip.
That's what I heard about it.
I need that clip so bad.
Blaustein is like an old school, like, you know, he came up with us in standup in New
York and he moved to LA to be an actor and shit.
And now he's doing podcasts like the rest of us, which is what he should be doing.
But yeah, why doesn't he just open for you on the road, man?
Is there an ego thing with that?
No, we've done shows together.
And he's great because he gets the crowd fucking hot.
Yeah, dude, he's going to rip, dude.
Oh, yeah.
No, it's great.
So, yeah, no, it's just our schedules and shit conflicting a little bit.
And we want to take the podcast on somewhat of a tour or do a stand-up and then the podcast.
But we're trying to figure out that world.
So what is the podcast?
We just pretty much riff.
It's just like up top, we just riff about whatever's going on.
So why does he have a laptop on his lap?
I never understood.
No matter what you're talking about, it's got nothing to do with that fucking laptop.
Oh, the laptop and the glasses is just purely to flex.
The glasses?
I wear some glasses every once in a while just to bust them out.
Get that little intelligente. Oh, like he's some glasses every once in a while just to bust them out.
Get that little intelligente.
Oh,
he's wearing glasses.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ah, okay.
Oh, yeah, what'd you think?
I don't know,
like you had fancy glasses
on the table.
Oh, bro,
I mean,
the fancy glasses,
you know?
Yeah, Pepsi cans.
But no,
he,
we'll have people
write in questions
and for advice.
Right.
So it's like,
up front,
we just riff a little bit
and then it's more
fan interaction
towards the end where people, we do advice and then we have this one that's called, it's like upfront we just riff a little bit and then it's more fan interaction towards hand where people we do a advice and
then we have this one that's called it's like anonymous shit where people just
write in something they want to get off their chest right and some dude was like
yo I fucking went on a drug deal and let's just say one person didn't come
back and I'm like did this motherfucker just confess murder on my podcast and
it's like well we're not gonna say name, but shout out to this guy. You know, so it's cool to, it's a lot of just riff.
And that's kind of what we found.
We toyed with like the different ideas that are beforehand.
But like essentially people just like the riff, you know.
Right.
And people will say shit like, I love falling asleep to your podcast.
Like, is that a compliment?
Yeah.
Do we need to be louder?
Like, what the fuck?
So it's like.
I liked what you guys were doing earlier.
I'm surprised you guys went away from it, but you would do an activity.
Yeah, it was just too much time.
We'd do an activity.
We'd kind of vlog style it, chop it up, and then we'd talk about it.
I thought it was great.
It is time consuming.
Yeah.
But, yeah, you would eat like a weird ice cream burrito or do some other shit.
Yeah, it's just so weird.
And we would vlog it, and then we would post that in the YouTube episode.
But we found a lot of people would listen on the Apple or Spotify.
So you're like, we shot all this fucking shit.
I edited this all night.
And then you guys just listened to the audio.
And they're like, yeah.
So it was a really good idea at first.
And I think if we ever get back to that or we start traveling with the podcast,
we want to incorporate that a little bit just because it was fun.
I mean, like going to a different city and and being experienced with
something like i mean you do that too every time you travel somewhere you know you get that footage
of it but yeah um you know dropping in that's i mean how much but how much work is that shit it's
a lot of work yeah so it's a lot of luckily you got a team around you me and michael's me and
michael so yeah you guys are the team well eventually you'll be in the position to like
hire guys and bring them on and yeah we just got a guy for social media so we're just like
thank fucking god you did yeah okay good beforehand we're just putting out an hour every week be like
all right well hopefully people listen you know yeah no you gotta push yeah i mean but you
understand that oh yeah yeah you know so it's like uh just balancing that between my videos
and the podcast and stand up and all that world but that's really the three priorities really
it's um somebody is gonna be somebody's gonna figure this out and i wanted to talk to you about this
because i thought you might have some perspective on it but someone's gonna figure this fucking
thing out and they're gonna make so much goddamn money and uh i'm gonna be pissed off if it isn't
me but uh nobody's figured out really what the live podcast show is.
Yeah, I don't know what.
Nobody knows.
It's okay.
And we'll talk about it now and try to figure it out.
But everybody tries a live podcast and it's not fun.
We think it's fun because we're in the same room.
But for the people listening.
The only people that I've seen do it fun were, and it was horrible decisions i thought was fun and al was just in dc at their show and he said it was fucking incredible i mean a great show yeah but they've structured it they've
gamified it and i haven't seen the live show but just from like the imagery that that uh i'm getting
girls gotta eat yeah okay yeah they have a live show but the problem with the podcast is like
when you do a live show right when you and i are doing stand-up we're trying to entertain every
few seconds right yeah yeah podcast nobody listens to a podcast staring straight at a picture of near
you for shit to land right and there's not the
pressure of an audience next to us right now so are you yeah but but it's secondary listening
right so when you listen to a podcast you're doing your laundry you're driving your car
you're working out the gym you're doing work at work you know the office something like that
you're doing something right so it's just there and when the funny thing happens you're like oh
my god that's hilarious and when it's not funny Or when it's interesting
That's cool
Because you're doing work
Right
When you get into
The live podcast setting
And motherfuckers
Just talking
You're like
Well I need to do
Some laundry
In the crowd
I'm shooting off emails
Like I usually do
It's soothing
Why do I gotta look at you
Yeah me and my girl
Fucked to this
So we got a problem with that
I feel like going to sleep
I didn't even think about that.
It's like, do you play to the crowd or do you riff normally and pretend they're not there?
So that's the tricky thing where the medium is fighting itself, right?
Right.
I believe that the live podcast show needs structure and games.
And usually, comedians, we hate games because we're like, I don't need games.
Yeah. I can create the entertainment out
of nothing yeah you don't listen to me talk fuck you all right or i'm so good at just talking yeah
that i'll make it fun for you listening there right right right but what we do is we we think
of bits and we structure these bits and we like workshop them forever and whittle down a 10-minute idea to three minutes of just bang, bang, bang.
We can't do that in the live podcast format.
I don't think we should do it in the live podcast format because then it's not replicatable.
Then we're essentially doing stand-up just with a few other people.
Right.
You all got bits you're running or somebody cried bench or something.
Oh, I got a bit from fucking 2013 about that.
Then you're running bits and your co-host is looking at you like,
is this motherfucker running bits right now?
You're just doing team stand-up.
Exactly.
Right?
Exactly.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And that is one way of doing it.
I'm sure some people do it that way and that would work.
What were you saying?
No, no.
I was just going to interject in terms of horrible.
And I also went to 85 South.
Yes.
Oh, yeah?
And so I feel 85 South, it's too much crowd engagement.
So that's, I love those guys.
These guys are Are they riffed
This is the new
Kingsville comedy
They post their clips
And they do millions of views
And their whole thing is riffing
But
There might be a situation
Where
Their fans seem to love it
Right
I feel Horrible has a good balance
Of fan engagement
And then their own shit
Where it's just them talking
You are engaged with them
Their only problem
That I saw at the show
Was
Horrible decision, that is.
A horrible decision is that they have to...
Whenever there's a new segment,
they need to control the crowd.
So if they have a high-energy segment
and then they want to just talk,
the crowd is still...
The energy is going.
So now they start talking and shit like that.
They have to...
It's a tricky thing, but I swear to God,
what is the one thing that's horrible about stand-up?
It's lifespan.
Right?
You tell a joke, that joke is no longer funny to your crowd.
Yeah.
Right?
And you feel it.
And you feel it when you tell the same joke to the same crowd or the same people who have seen it before.
Yeah.
It's one of actually the great things about like the type of content you're putting out on YouTube is I can watch the dad thing multiple times.
Yeah. It has a longer shelf life than a joke yeah but a joke usually because it's
it's more uh relatable and engaging than a uh joke usually has one big switch you have 10 to 15 to 20
punch lines in this tiny little video where the joke is this same length, only set up, set up, set up, set up, punch.
You know where the punch is coming.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
Right?
So what I'm trying to think about,
and maybe we could just brainstorm right here,
but if we could create live podcasts and actually create the show, right,
that's where we become rock stars
because we have a replicatable format
which we can be funny and entertaining in
without losing material yeah it's almost like you'd want to be like down in front of like a
double-sided mirror like you don't know they're there but they're on a fucking giant audience
behind and we're just doing this right here but there's a there's a that might even be it or
and then they're just over there laughing their ass off and we have because i mean if you hear
laughter that's gonna fuck with your mentality you You're going to be like, oh, that's. You're going to lean into it. Yeah, you're going to try to tag.
That's funny.
And be like, yeah, y'all ever been in Connecticut?
And they're like, who are you talking to, you know?
So, if you get, because that's, I mean.
But that's voyeuristic, right?
Now they're watching and we don't know we're being watched, but we are.
Yeah.
But I think so many of these people come out to the show just because they want to be in the room with us.
Yeah, that's true.
You listen to someone for, you know, six hours a week, it's like, oh, you're in my town?
I got to see you, bro.
I got to dap you up.
I got to do whatever.
Yeah, exactly.
What Horrible Decisions did when I hosted their show,
it was really interesting.
I went up and I hosted,
and they asked me to play this game
called Biggest Whore in the Room or something.
Biggest Hoe in the Room.
And what happens is everybody stands up.
It's already interesting.
Everybody stands up,
and then I say slutty things that get increasingly slutty.
And if you haven't done it, you sit down.
Oh, like I've never or whatever.
Yes.
Never have I ever.
Never have I ever.
It's the same shit.
Right?
But dude, it's hilarious.
Oh, probably murders.
And this is why it's great.
I was thinking this is why it's great.
It presents situations where our natural
comedic abilities get to come into play yeah so instead of us having to create a premise and
execute it and then punch it and then tag it yeah the funny is here here yeah we're responding bro
i mean it's the same thing when like somebody yells something out at dumb at a show people
how do you deal with hecklers like it's not hard to deal with because the people that yell out deaf
usually aren't the most intelligent yeah they're they're going to be the dummies.
They throw something out, right?
And it's just so wild and dumb and you're just quick on your feet.
Boom.
You're great on your feet.
So how do we create the right throw outs?
Right.
That's the structure we need to figure out.
How do we create the right interactions from the audience, not the wrong ones?
Because when we go crowd participation or ask questions, then everybody starts talking to each other.
It's too disorganized.
People are yelling out random shit.
But within the games, and there could be multiple, within the games, we could create those moments where our comedic sensibilities will be really flexed.
What is that?
When we know what that is, we're on tour nonstop.
And people come back like the fucking Backstreet boys they go to all three shows yeah bruce springsteen they go to all
four that will happen and it's a new show every time when you do it because you're not running
you don't know what they're gonna say exactly yeah so they dropped that on 85 they put that
on spotify and apple and all this just just like it's a normal show yeah but they're just riffing
in the moment right which is great and that's awesome that you can do it.
But it also leaves a situation where like,
all right, well, what if that riff isn't going?
What if the audience isn't feeling like...
Right.
I feel like there's a way to give a little more structure to it
and then control, you know, the variables.
Yeah.
I mean, they got to figure it out.
But yeah, I think you were saying,
like once somebody finds that perfect,
like set up the one, two, three.
I mean, yeah, it's great.
Not everybody's going to be able to do that.
Right.
You know, like, if I got to send some podcasts on the road where they're not even comedians and they're not, like, those guys are genius at riffing.
They're really genius.
Oh, their shows are, like, it's hard to see a crowd, like, go that fucking nuts.
Like, over some, like, alt guy in Echo Park who's telling, like, quick one-liners off a haiku poem.
And people are like, oh, nice, nice, nice.
So to see the crowd love the level they got is like they got it.
I mean, DC and Carlos, those motherfuckers got it.
They got it.
So funny.
So what about the people that don't?
There are people that got big followings that don't got it.
They're like history podcasts.
You getting standing O's talking about fucking shit that already happened?
Yep.
You remember the Civil War? No no it's fucking not alive yet how are we yeah standing oh bro
so that's the thing we got to figure out like like david dobrik right if he wanted to go on
tour he'd sell out bro he could sneeze in the crowd would fucking just die but what if we gave
him structure yeah what if we're like here's your, and here's how we're going to do these things and create your show.
Here's this structure.
Here's this platform.
Go on the road.
We'll just take a cut for building it out.
Oh, I see what you're saying.
See what I'm saying?
You're like the showrunner of a podcast.
I'm Barnum Bailey, dog.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm not playing.
You're running a place.
PT Barnum?
What's Barnum Bailey?
That's not the circus?
I think it is.
Whatever.
I don't know what it was.
I thought it was a producer or something.
One of them shits.
But the point is, I don't know.
There's something that we're all leaving.
We're all leaving it out.
Yeah.
We're leaving meat on the bone.
Yeah.
I think that's really what it is.
Think about most people listen to podcasts.
Most podcasts cannot tour because they don't know what the fuck to do.
No.
And once we figure out a way for them to tour why is there tv anymore
that shit is wild you know i mean even like uh you know sean evans found a way to do hot ones live
he did yeah he does he did hot ones live he's done a few times he just did it with the baby at a
complex con son the crab fishermen got a live show.
Yeah, I mean it's-
I figure that is an easy show to execute live.
What's that?
The hot ones.
Yeah.
Because it's just like question, answer, and you just waiting to see their reaction with the hot shit.
Yeah.
It's like an easy-
It's interesting because it's not like a funny show.
It depends on who's on it.
So it doesn't have the expectation.
Right.
But the hotness of the wing creates the tension
Oh, yeah willing to like but stay glued
I like watching that show on like a phone or a laptop because you feel it's close the cameras on you
But like imagine being the fucking nosebleeds being like
Is that the hot way?
What's awesome?
Turn into my fucking grandma. What show this? Hot what? Wings?
Who's flying here?
There is a certain point Where like distance matters
Yeah
Like with live shows
Like
100%
I've never seen a
A show at the garden
As stand up
Right
But I imagine
I have
You have
Yeah
Thoughts
I saw Kevin Hart
Luckily I had Good seats So I was close I saw Kevin Hart. Luckily, I had good seats, so I was close.
Oh, okay.
That doesn't count.
Yeah, I know.
But I'm pretty sure if you're far, you're just looking at the Jumbo Trunk.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it's so like, there's no closeness about it.
Because even when you go to a concert, if you're far, you're looking at the Jumbo Trunk.
When I was in Buffalo, Metallica was performing across the street from the comedy club.
God damn, it're so white.
Super white.
And I went all in.
I love Buffalo.
Yeah, it's a great city.
And that's the city for Metallica.
Like, the whitest of whites are coming out.
It was founded Buffalo Wings and Metallica fans.
That's the two things I know them for.
So, I'm on the floor because the guy that was opening for them is a comic.
Okay.
And he asked if he could do a little guest spot on my show.
So, he brings me on.
Metallica is a comic?
No, no, no.
Yeah, yeah.
Bro, who's fucking doing that gig?
Big Jay Oakerson?
No, Jim Brewer.
Oh, yeah.
Jim Brewer.
And then there's another guy that I'm forgetting his name.
I feel bad right now.
But he was opening for them as well.
Wow.
And Jim has tons of heavy metal songs.
Not songs, but bits and shit like that.
So people know him.
The heavy metal people know him.
Point is, I'm on the floor, and while it was super cool to get into it, it's so vast.
It doesn't feel like a concert.
You know what I mean?
When you're at a fucking concert where you're like squished in with people.
Yeah.
That feels like you're in the middle of something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That feels like you're part of it.
And I wonder if that same thing happens with stand-up.
You're like, you're in a fucking booth with a glass thing.
You've got shrimp cocktail in the back.
There's no crowd control.
Like back in the day, one of my mom's favorite comics was Amy Schumer.
All right.
She, think how you feel.
You know, her son does stand up, but she's like, I want to see Schumer.
All right.
And Mark Norman opened and he crushed.
And so I'm, but this was at the forum.
Shout out to Mark, man.
Yeah.
This was at the forum.
No, Mark crushed.
He like, yeah.
But this was at the forum and I'm in the way back fucking seats.
Your mom brought you to see Amy Schumer?
She wanted to go.
I bought her tickets for her birthday.
Okay.
Yeah, this was in like maybe 2014, 2015.
So you purchased Amy Schumer tickets?
You know, I purchased Mark Norman tickets.
That's what's up.
And Amy dropped in and did an hour with her name on the tour and the ticket.
But I went for Mark Norman, you know.
I bought Mark Norman tickets, so yeah, man.
I mean, look, I went in there as a comic being like, yeah, let me see what you got.
It's like, she doesn't give a fuck what I got.
She got millions of dollars that night.
Yes, facts.
But there's no crowd control in an arena.
Like, there's people just eating a hot dog.
A guy drops a hot dog.
Now it hits the back of my neck.
You think, like, in a club, somebody would be like, what the fuck's going on over here?
Stop.
But out there, it's just so much noise when a joke hits.
You don't know what the fuck's happening.
You think a joke lands, but it could be some dude just got his ass beat in the corner.
That's what they're laughing at.
There's no connectivity, which is nice, but the clubs out here, I did a few spots in town,
and it's like the club's like 80 people to 100 people max it's like it's in there it's packed
you if you're funny you're funny if if a joke doesn't hit at a new york club you feel it new
york comedy club 24th street location did you perform at that one uh i did broadway and i did
stand in new york so no okay you didn't need to brag
New York Comedy Club
24th Street location
small little black box
room
80, 100 people
fit there
I mean like 100 ram packed
probably
it's my favorite room
in the city
hands down
yeah
because
you have so much
control
of the room
right nobody feels confident in that room you get in these bigger rooms they start to like because you have so much control of the room.
Right.
Nobody feels confident in that room.
You get in these bigger rooms,
they start to be in the back of the crowd,
and all of a sudden they feel a little confident to say something or whisper or talk to their friend, etc.
This room, you could see everybody in their fucking eyes,
and they're all around you.
And because of that, that tension is built up,
and everybody's super invested.
They're in it.
They're fucking in it, dude.
Yeah.
I like that.
Yeah, man.
It's my favorite room.
This week was interesting with the New York Comedy Festival.
Did you do shows for it?
Yeah.
So my show was a part of, I did, there we go.
Fucking this asshole.
I did two shows at Gramercy.
So that was fucking great, man.
But I just did spots around town That weren't a part of the festival
Thanks for inviting me bro
I appreciate that dude
I live a block away dude
I really appreciate you man
What an asshole man
Man I was posting about it
What an asshole dog
Shit
I don't see those posts
I was opening for Amy Schumer
That's what it was
Oh that's what it is
Is she down to the Gramercy now?
Yeah
Things ain't going that well
From the forum to the Gramercy dog? Yeah. Things ain't going that well?
From the Forum to the Gramercy talk?
Yeah, but,
nah,
I did those shows,
but from what I was hearing
from other New York people,
they're like,
oh man,
all these writers are in town,
this type shit,
so,
I mean,
I don't know how it was
on your end,
but I think all the shows
got impacted
by just a bunch of outside people
for the festival,
right?
What do you mean?
Because you're like,
it was interesting this week
with the festival.
Oh,
I thought crowds sucked this week
because all the casuals come out oh i see casual fans
yeah yeah so like a casual comedy fan like they just don't understand what what they're thinking
is like you know in like montreal there's like jazz fests so all of a sudden people who've never
listened to jazz their entire life are like we should go check out some jazz yeah got you and
since it's new york comedy festival there are people like, we should see some comedy this weekend.
Go to a festival.
Yeah.
So every club was sold out.
Got you.
And now you have these people who don't truly understand comedy.
So when you're saying, you know, me, like I like to push, right?
I like to say fucked up shit.
And I got to deal with these fucking cowards groaning.
Really?
Oh, dude.
And you can just feel that it's not like that New York comedy audience that loves comedy, you know?
And it gets it.
Right.
Like it gets what we're doing here.
Like, if you've got a comic club on a random Tuesday night at 11.30 p.m., like, you're
like, just bring it.
Exactly.
Give it a raw.
So you felt that with people being like, oh.
Oh, yeah.
And then I get upset because I find them to be cowards.
Yeah.
And I just start calling them cowards.
I go, you're all cowards.
One of the funniest clips I just saw was Tim Dillon going off on a New on a new york audience you see that yeah you fucking all side just laying it to him
it was like a mini philly rant from bill burr it was oh my god it's just like a one minute clip
just shitting on him dude it is it is yeah he's yeah check out that clip i think tim posted on
his instagram but it's really funny the minute of him just going in on new york audience it was
probably it was so true man it's just like it man. It's just like the things that they'll fucking groan.
Groaning is the most pussy thing.
Do you know what I mean?
Also, what value does that add?
No, I need to know when in life you groan.
Have you groaned by yourself at home?
Maybe a heavy sigh.
If they take too long at Starbucks, I might be like,
No, no. It's an exaggerated diss motherfucker right here. I groan Starbucks. I might be like, No, no.
But it's an exaggerated diss motherfucker right here.
I groaned today on the taxi ride.
Oh, yeah.
Because I gave the guy the address,
and he's like,
should I just drop you over there?
And I'm like,
is that the fucking address that I gave you?
Dude, Uber drivers love doing that shit.
Why do you suggest them where the fuck to drop me?
I've never been here.
Dude, I'm clearly wearing a flannel.
It's 40 degrees out.
I'm freezing.
I got in this so I could go from door to door.
And he's trying to avoid the whole bull traffic, you know, the bull statue shit over there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I wish Akash was here because I only tipped him 30 cents and I was paranoid to do that.
Like my white kill.
Did you like round up if it was like, you know, $9.70 so you made it 10 or you were just like, it's 10 bucks, here's an extra 30?
I gave him the change.
Okay.
I got a quarter and a nickel.
Okay, gotcha yeah if you
just psychopath yeah if you round up you're good but if you're just like here's 30 cents bitch
it's like bro kill me at that point just tell the sniper on the top of the fucking tower
you took a yellow or i took a yellow bro okay i'm like oh i never said uber they have like
dollar amounts yo it's oh yeah so you know Uber goes like, what would you like to tip?
I'd like to skip.
That's what I'm going to do.
That's what I'm going to do right now.
The dude did this today.
I have all my suitcase because I'm going to the airport.
And he opens the trunk.
And he gets out.
All the bags are in.
But he gets out.
He's like, you good?
You need anything?
I'm like, I know how to load a trunk here.
Just pop the shit.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
But they try to be a little bit cabbish.
That's why I did Al on the road.
Whenever Al picks up the camera bag, I'm like, you got it?
You got it?
You got it.
When your friend is moving, you're like, yo, you need help or you good?
Or you good means I'm not going to help you.
I'm suggesting how you should feel.
Oh, yeah, exactly.
But you good, right?
You good.
You good, right?
Yeah, man.
Yeah, that's the thing about the uh the the driver like star system
is it is gender bias because a woman will never help you with your bags like a woman uber driver
have you ever no sometimes i'll wait just to see you're such a dick dude is that when you let out
a side that's an appropriate time let me tell you that's when the groan comes out. Let me tell you, I'll wait, right?
I'll come from the airport, and I'll go.
I'll see the Uber driver's a girl, right?
And I'll go to the back, to the trunk, and I'll just stand there, right?
She goes out the window.
It's unlocked.
You're like, oh.
No, no, no.
This is what she did.
This was brilliant.
And I'm waiting.
I'm like, I'm going to make this bitch get out this fucking Uber and earn her fifth star,
right?
She waits for a second, right?
And then all of a sudden, the trunk just goes, boom, boom.
And she pops the trunk but doesn't get out.
Right.
So she's basically saying, you're going to put your own fucking luggage in the back seat.
But I'm cool with that.
I get it.
Or are you like, I need hands on.
See, I'm more like, who have you become, son?
I want the whole service, bro.
Who have you become, son?
I got to pay her more? Like, I got to pay her more, son? I want the whole service, bro. Who have you become, son? I got to pay her more?
Like, I got to pay her more?
Why?
I need the whole service.
You're not even paying her more.
You're saying for her to earn the fifth star?
She got to earn the fifth, bro.
Hey, she got to earn that fifth, bro.
This is why tipping is out of hand now.
Yeah, well, I see that.
It's out of hand now because we just tipped for no fucking reason.
I'm more likely to give Somebody like three stars
If they got the windows
Down with no AC
Use the AC
Fuck the planet
Why am I gonna be
In the back
Yeah yeah yeah
You ain't got a phone charger
Nothing
You got an android up front
I'm like make
Accommodate
I like the chargers
I'm in on the chargers
I am always low on battery
So like
If you got a charger
Back there five stars
You total the car while I'm in it
But I got 98% battery
Five stars I don't give a shit I'm very it, but I got 98% battery, five stars.
I don't give a shit, you know?
I'm very easy to work with.
Yeah, you got to have the chargers.
Water, I don't really care about that much.
It's weird.
I don't even take the waters, bro.
They're always the tiny little ones, too.
Yeah.
They're jamming the crevice of a seat.
They're all warm.
I'm like, I'm good.
I don't need hydration like that.
Yeah, don't fuck with the waters, really.
But you got to open that trunk, bro.
Yeah.
You got to get out.
Yeah. Get out the car what do
you what would you end up giving a rating say again what rating did you give her i'm be honest
with you she's swimming in the fucking ocean right now with the fish i didn't rate her bro
oh yeah i didn't rate her yeah because you know what right after the rating comes the tip
oh yeah so if you skip the rating right because i'm like the guilt to the tip where they're I don't like the guilt of the tip, where they're like, how much should you?
And they're bold.
It's like what you were saying.
It's like $1, $5, $25 Visa gift card.
It's like, bro.
Downstairs at Gregory's Coffee, the suggested tip starts at $20, then goes up to 25%.
What happened to 18?
What happened to nothing?
Do your job.
What happened to do your fucking job?
That's your job.
To make the coffee.
You don't make it nicer.
I'm not getting extra milk.
What the fuck are you doing for a tip?
You're getting paid to serve coffee.
Why the fuck?
Why the fuck do I have to tip you to do your job?
But the funniest part is they try to make you feel bad.
But the no tip button is always off like a little loner, like a kid eating his lunch by himself.
It's like 15, 20, 25.
Then the corner's like, or you could do no tip.
It's like little puppy dogs staring at you.
It's quivering.
Yeah, exactly.
It's shaking.
There's teardrops.
It's got a sign.
You could do no tip, but then I got to tell my ma and pa that I don't have a tip money.
You eating porridge right now?
Why the tip button?
We got to really look at this tip thing.
I know I keep coming back to it, but it's too much.
No, it is a lot.
It's everything is tip.
Right, exactly.
I told you, if they don't do any work, especially coffee,
if I get cold brew and all they're doing is just pouring it out of the thing,
nah, no tip.
You're not doing anything.
You're doing nothing.
Gravity.
It's gravity.
You just push the button and the water comes down.
Nah, but I'm talking about cold brew. It's already prepared the night before. It's gravity. You just push the button and the water comes down. Nah, but I'm talking about cold brew.
It's already prepared the night before.
It's cold already.
So all they're doing is just pouring it right out of the container.
Oh, you're from the little thermos shit.
Even with the fucking lattes, I didn't ask for the art.
I think that's so stupid.
It's like painting shit in my foam and then I got to pay you for this painting I don't even fucking want.
I don't want a leaf.
I don't want none of that shit.
It's infuriating to me.
And then they look at you with their little, they want the approval from you for their
art.
You spit on it.
Did you like?
Did you like?
Bro, what I love doing.
Get that fucking leaf out of here.
Is this autumn?
I don't give a shit if it's fall in fucking Times Square.
Real talk, I like putting the sugar on top of it without even looking at it. I don't do sugar
anymore, but back when I would do sugar, I'd maintain
eye contact with them. I'd be like, hey, thanks so much
without even looking at their artwork. And I'd pour
the sugar on the top and then start mixing
and then look back down. No, so you ruined
it. It was the Star of David.
What the fuck?
I noticed the Jewish holidays
were coming up and I noticed the nose on you.
Anti-Semite!
I'm screaming racial shit.
Nah, that's so funny.
That's how I know I'm in New York.
You look at art.
It's a black power fist.
That's what you got to do.
Put your fucking, what is it, your wokeness in your foam.
Yeah, bro.
That's how I know I'm in New York.
They give you nice art, and you're like, the fuck is this shit?
It's a fucking groan on top of the coffee right there.
Don't put nothing on my foam.
What are other things that they expect tips at?
Just about everything.
Yo, can I be honest with you?
Let's talk about this.
And I know, and shout out to my guy,
because I got a great hairstylist.
He likes to be called a hairstylist.
And he hooks it up.
That's a tip.
You got it.
He hooks it up, bro.
My man is nice.
He charges.
I mean, he works with super famous people. He hooks it up. He's is nice He charges I mean he works with like
You know like super famous people
He hooks it up
He's an asshole
Alex love you
But we gotta stop tipping hair folks
Right
Yeah
Like think about it
I don't tip him
We just do a little side deal
Right
But why are we tipping somebody
To cut the hair
I would just include it in the price
I'd be like one shot
You set your price
Yeah exactly But why do I need to like shouldn't you be trying your best?
Right like I'm mind-blown like damn
Give me a fade. Oh
His little things they'll do like if they give me the hot towel or the the clean razor on the back
I'm like, I'm impressed. I'm like, here's a five. But you're paying for that.
Yeah.
But I'm more likely to tip for everything.
I'm more likely to tip them.
It's crazy.
Do you tip the guy you buy a car from?
Do you tip the Avis, bitch?
No, fuck no.
When you get a fucking Tahoe on the road, are you like, yo, thank you so much for telling
me to go to slot 639?
No.
No, right?
No.
It's why are we tipping for everything?
I don't know.
It is interesting.
Don't other countries just not tip?
They get it.
They get it.
And you know what?
The service is a little worse.
For food.
I don't mind tipping for food.
Yeah, but there's still shitty ass service and people are like suggested.
I went to brunch out here the other day.
That motherfucker didn't give a shit about me, bro.
Sorry.
I went to lunch and I had a T-bone steak
there we go baby
and I dipped that shit
in Copenhagen long cut
you know
yeah I only eat steaks
with tuna bagel
no the guy didn't give a shit
he was just like
he like dropped
like literally
check dropped
tossed it
could have hit my fucking omelette
and the first suggested tip
is 25%
bro
I'm not good at math
I'm taking the suggestions
I'm like, sure.
Oh, no, no.
Round up.
No, we're not doing 25.
We're not going 25.
20 is my limit.
But even 20.
Say what?
20 is like, you know how you always have one friend that works in the service industry
and they're like, I tip 48%.
What do you fucking work here?
They're always like, you got to treat a server nicely.
People are ridiculous with this.
48% is, you don't have to treat
How nicely we have to treat
But it's always people
In the service industry
That are like
Yeah I give them
A fucking labradoodle puppy
After each meal
I've been in the service industry
And I know how shitty it is
Okay
But why
It's just mind boggling to me
That it's just getting out of hand
No it for real is
It's getting out of hand
We need to pull it back
Don't we need to pull it back
It's like
No No because I'm on the road and people listen to this shit. So I love all the servers
No, I like listen. I love all the real talk. No you do tip
So that's what you gotta chill with is not tipping bro. I had a nightmare about tipping bro
Like the people that work in the comedy club. I had a nightmare about tipping bro. What happened you woke up black? Son?
I get the black struggle man. I really think I get the black struggle man i really think i'm a
black man bro i think i'm a black man because you tipped the driver 30 cents this morning
that's because he was brown bro he gets it bro us us black and browns we get this shit though
we don't gotta conform to your white shit tipping tipping 49% on a fucking taxi ride. All you did was that.
You did that for work.
That's the total work.
Hold on.
This is that.
To drive me to my location, you did that, and then sometimes you did that, and then
move your wrist centimeters.
I got to tip you 20%.
Oh, bro, you don't make this yellow light?
No tip, all right?
Son.
Are you watching Uber drivers miss a right turn?
They look at the app, then look back like nothing happened i'm in the back like i can see where
we going there's a map in front of us bro son when the guy said to me is it okay if i drop you off
here the balls the balls on you to drop me off at not where I exactly. Do you think I didn't know where I wanted to go?
Is that?
You think I was lost? Yeah, I'll round up locations.
I was going to 40th Street, but let's go 37, you know?
I'm trying to walk up that croissant from yesterday.
Yeah, we're not negotiating.
This is not the art of the deal.
Can you imagine?
Drop me off at 40th.
He's like, what about 38th?
You're like, all right.
Meet me at 39th.
39th?
Yeah.
Fair enough, yeah.
Yeah, we got to figure out the tipping, man.
It's getting a little absurd. It's getting a little absurd.
We're getting a little absurd.
Tip for food.
Tip for food.
Drink is not.
Do we tip bartenders?
Yeah, I do.
Dollar per drink.
Yeah, dollar per drink is standard.
I think I stand it.
That makes sense.
Okay, here's the thing.
Now drinks are fucking 16 bucks, 17 bucks.
You get your bill for drinks is $80.
You're going to tip $4 on $80?
Oh, shit.
I'm thinking like when I'm at the bar, you're just ordering per drink.
That's why they get you to put the card down.
Because you got to tip based on the bill.
Oh, shit.
Right, right, right.
Because if it's a one-off and you scrabble some change, they're like, yeah.
Maybe $2 tops.
Look, I don't mind tipping.
These two guys brought my couch Up my fucking stairs
Eight floors
Jesus Christ
$200
$200
Wait that was the tip
Or that's how much
They charged to do that
I think that was the tip
You think
Well
It wasn't in
It wasn't in the price
It wasn't in the price
Okay
Right
But they were like
We'll do it for $200
That's the tip
That's outside of it
They were just No no They told you They told you But they were like, we'll do it for $200. That's a tip. That's outside of it.
No, no.
They told you they'll do it for $200.
So that's how much they charge for doing it.
So you did not tip them.
That's the tip.
You didn't tip. That's the tip.
I tipped them that.
You're a piece of shit.
I tipped them that, bro.
Nah, that's the tip.
They all shout you out.
Nah, that's the tip.
What about money?
That's a lot of tip.
Yo, $200 is great.
That's a lot of tip.
That's a lot of tip because- a lot of tip That's a lot of tip Because
Also a lot of floors
Eight floors?
That's eight floors
They were sweating bro
That shit was
Worth every penny
You were sitting there
Eating a cup of noodles
Just being like
Yeah that's my son down there
I was sitting there with Alex
I was like yo you got it?
You good?
You good?
Y'all got it right?
The bags are good?
Alright cool you got it
He's pushing it with his forehead
You good?
There's lemonade up here
When you get to the top.
But you good?
Tell them how many floors were left.
I feel like they couldn't do math.
I was like, two more, guys.
Two more.
You're lying to them.
You know when you're 20 minutes away?
You're like, yo, five minutes away.
You're like, yeah, there's one more floor.
Bro, we're on the first floor.
Yeah, well.
One more building, should I say.
One more building.
But that's a tip.
That wasn't a tip.
No, because they're just supposed to bring it. Any labor, yeah. Labor is a tip. wasn't a tip No because they're just Supposed to bring it
Any labor
Yeah
Labor is a tip
Certain things
What?
No but you asked them
Beforehand
Do you remember when we were
Going to the museum
And the bitch had a fucking
A tip jar at the museum
Oh yeah that was wild
I almost took that jar
And fucking emptied it
On the ground
I almost spiked that
Fucking tip jar
What are you doing?
Dude you might have
Visited me in a past life Cause bitch move here, but I used to
work at a frozen yogurt store in high school.
Every stoner did.
Yeah.
And there was a tip jar by the counter, but it was a self-serve one where you make it
and then they weigh it and you pay for it.
This guy looks at the tip jar and he goes, why do people tip you?
And I was just like, bro, I don't know.
I just put it there.
Son, what are we doing?
What's going on?
I don't know.
What is happening?
Truly, what is happening what truly what
is happening i think you could just put a tip yeah we feel guilty we feel it's the same way
like you know what you've been to venice beach right yeah everybody's selling mixtapes and you're
like no i don't want and the guy's like 20 dollars like no i'm good he goes okay 15 you're like okay
fine it's like a guilt and you just i have never felt that oh i i don't know but i got i know people
like that they give in because they didn't grow up with black people they got seven interaction
with a black person.
That's what they are.
They never listen to.
Those people right there you're talking to are from Sweden,
and they've never met a black person.
And then a black person comes up to them and goes,
can I have some money?
And they go, here's my, yes.
That's all it is.
I know exactly.
They got 70s albums that are sitting there they never listen to.
It's probably all just ripped from LimeWire.
None of it's their actual music.
Yeah, they know.
But yeah, it's the same. It's like a guilt type thing. So when that giant screen comes up, it's our actual music, you know? Yeah, they know. But, yeah, but it's the same,
it's like a guilt type thing.
So when that giant screen comes up,
it's like, tip 30%?
Yeah.
But I drew a fucking Toronto maple leaf on your coffee?
Yeah, I'm not doing it.
You're just like, mm, okay.
But now I don't feel guilty anymore.
Now I feel resentment.
Right.
Now I'm angry.
Yeah.
It's gone over.
It's on the other side.
There's also certain jobs I'd rather tip like or something like if like there's no turbulence
on a flight, here's a five big.
Yeah.
But if you're like you said, pouring some cold brew, it's like, bro, let me do it.
Can we actually talk about this?
Do strippers get paid by the club?
They got to pay the club to work that night.
That's what I remember.
Ah, that's right.
That's right.
That's right.
Which is also kind of crazy.
I did a little ethnography on that that I do remember.
Okay, then we could tip them.
Because I was also about to say, if they're on salary-
Oh, wow.
Everything is added value?
What are we tipping?
You got benefits, girl.
Yeah, what are we tipping for?
That's the point.
I didn't even think about that.
Yeah, they've got to pay the club, which is kind of wild to work.
Yeah, that's right.
It's like they're barbers.
You know how a barber has to pay for his chair? Yeah, you rent the chair, you rent the pole. But they're tipping out the DJ, they're paying the club, which is kind of wild to work. Yeah, that's right. It's like they're barbers. You know how like a barber has to pay for his chair, but they're tipping
out the, they rent the pole, but they're tipping
out the DJ, they're paying the club, they do
a whole thing. That's wild. Yeah.
I went out to this steak restaurant last
night called Smith and Walensky's. Have you heard
of this? It's like a good old-fashioned
Luger's, etc.
And basically same idea, but in
Manhattan. And we were
there for an hour
and the tip was $40, right?
And I'm assuming he had four other tables like mine, maybe five at that time.
It was probably about-
Yeah, at that time.
Yeah.
So we're talking about $200 an hour.
He's got to tip out a little bit.
Let's say he walks with low end, 50% of his money.
Guy's making $100 an hour.
I mean, people that work in that industry and work at a nice restaurant, the tips, like,
you are making, and it's all cash.
Cash, bro.
You ain't got to report any of that.
You just stashed out your house.
You ain't got to tax any of that shit.
It's just, I don't know, do you?
You have to report any of that shit?
What?
Tips? Here's my thing. A little bit. You have to report any of that shit? What? Tips?
Here's my thing.
A little bit.
You have to report the tips.
They'll come for you.
But my thing is, working at a cheap restaurant or an expensive restaurant, the action of
the waiter doesn't change.
The price of the item changes.
Right. And we tip based on the price of the item changes right and we tip based on the
price of the item yeah but we should be tipping based on the action of the
waiter I'm walking in the kitchen but who's the chef to cook this shit here's
20 bucks this was amazing we don't even tip him no I mean what do they see they
don't even they probably don't even know tips exists like oh you're getting cash
for my fucking excellence?
That's it.
He said medium well.
What does that even mean?
And I fucking did it and I don't see a dollar?
Fam, we're not even tipping the right person.
But usually the head chef is probably getting paid more than the manager.
Yeah, the head chef's getting real money.
Yeah, they're getting real money, yeah.
He's making real money.
True.
Okay?
But he's got to be hot his whole life.
He earns every penny.
He works.
Imagine your whole life
60 hours a week
You're fucking standing in front of a stove
God bless those Mexicans
I mean the salt bae dude
He does that shit for your table
Real talk
Mexicans
Maybe that's why we make you walk here
To like get used to the heat
You know what I mean
So by the time you're in the kitchen
You're like I've been here before
It's nothing.
We got to get you acclimated to what you're about to do.
Dude, imagine they had Mexicans
in the bottom of the Titanic putting a coal in.
So you know how fast the Titanic
would have blasted through that iceberg?
So that iceberg wouldn't stand a chance
if you had Javier and Hector down there.
Fuck it, let's go full speed ahead, captain.
That's the whole movie is five minutes they break through the iceberg.
Just straight through.
Like a submarine.
Goes on to land.
Shit, man.
I will say, you know the Salt Bae dude?
Yes.
His restaurant, he comes out and does this shit.
I'll tip for that.
That's extra. Oh, it's got to be. His restaurant, he comes out and does this shit. I'll tip for that. That's extra.
Oh, it's got to be.
I mean, he probably charged for one.
Meaning he's doing more than what is provided on the menu.
He's going above and beyond, so we'll tip you.
Right, but if you refill my water twice and you want 48%, we're not doing that.
Yeah.
We're not.
Yo, you know what's some real shit?
Do you wash your elbows?
Wash my elbow?
Yeah.
At a restaurant?
No.
Wait, what? I mean just in general. In real life? I don't know. Not really, right? Wash my elbow? Yeah. At a restaurant? No. Wait, what?
I mean just in general.
I don't, not.
Not really, right?
I don't think so.
Like my man is doing all this with all the confidence.
But he's doing all this with the confidence that his elbows are clean, son.
Sweat rolls down the back arm.
He's been like this all day at the park.
You know what I mean?
He's been hanging out.
Rubbing his food in it. Rubbing his food. He's been praying at the mosque. His elbows what I mean? He's been hanging out. Rubbing his food in it.
Rubbing his food.
He's been praying at the mosque.
His elbow's all over a dirty ass carpet.
And then this guy's dropping salt off of his bow and all of us are getting food poisoning.
I don't think it's that.
Everybody's like, oh my God,
it's so cool that he's dropping his salt.
I don't like it.
Hey, hey, look, you see this?
Look, ready, ready?
And release the crane.
I want the three yardyard grinder right here.
Get your fucking fingers off my salt.
Why are your fingers on my fucking salt?
Okay?
Take your sunglasses off.
There's so many things wrong with this guy.
There's so many things wrong with this guy.
Why is he making a fuck ton of money?
Why are multiple parts of your body touching the salt before it hits my steak?
Right?
Like, imagine a random person when you're about to eat.
You got a pocket.
Y'all want any pepper?
It's like it's a game of dice.
Y'all want any pepper?
Some lint?
What else are you going to put?
Just like shots of Lukey on the steak?
I didn't even think about that.
Bro, it's disgusting.
There's no way he has Purell in his back pocket to douse off the fingers real quick.
And then if he does, now I got to eat Purell.
How about you keep your fucking fingers off of my...
Dude, imagine you sat down with your steak and your waiter came over, put his fat fucking
fingers in the salt and then spread it all over your steak.
That's weird as fuck.
I don't know why it's so normal for him.
Dude, I would go crazy.
Even if you got like a bowl of chicken wings and like picking them out for you.
Like, here's this one, here's that one.
I'm like,
Skittles man.
I don't want,
you want 20%.
You hold the wing in front of me.
So my fingers don't get dirty.
Dude.
20%.
Is that crazy?
25%.
I'm scared to see you at a multimillionaire.
He's scared of me.
20.
No,
no.
20%.
This is how it works.
20%.
You're me.
You sit right there. And I want you to just place the wing in front of my face like that
and then rotate it like-
Like rotating the pork that they got on the halal trucks?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's shawarma.
But just slowly rotate it so that I can bite everything like that, and then I don't want
to say I'm done.
I just want to go like that.
I want to-
It's like a swipe. I want to swipe right with my head. I just want to go like that I want to it's like a swipe
I want to swipe
I think he's running for president
I think that's the only person
you and Kim Jong-un
are the only two people
that can do that shit
in this world
fam
tell me that that's not worth 25
you wouldn't tip 25%
now your fingers don't smell
like Frank's Red Hot
for the next three days
that honestly
oh yeah
you get all the money
yeah
that's 25%
they might even get 28% from me for that.
They might even get that extra 30 cents that Schultz got in his last pocket.
Hold on, what is that?
Well, first of all, this is, no, this is too funny.
How much are wings?
10 bucks, right?
I'm like 25%.
That's 250.
Alex is going, I might even drop 280 on you, too.
I might even give my firstborn child after that.
He said 30 more cents.
I might even.
I might go.
If they dip it in ranch for me, I'm giving them everything.
But just imagine you could do it like a pitcher that doesn't like the suggestion from the catcher.
No, no, no.
Just keep it going.
And if he got the wing.
He said flats only, you idiot.
Exactly.
Motherfucker went and brought out the leg, the thigh.
Come on, bro.
I want them flats.
How are you pitching that to the waiter that isn't accustomed to it yet?
Hey, bro.
Could you hold this real quick?
Hey, bro.
Come here real quick.
Stand behind me real quick.
Yeah, yeah.
Put your arms around me real quick.
Cool.
Yo, your arms and my arms.
And he's like, what?
And I'm like, just trust me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Turn up that music in the background. What music in the background here sinatra starts playing yeah perfect
son that is the restaurant that we got to open where they feed you the chicken they feed you
the chicken tenant not chicken wings they feed you the wings eating it right in front of you
swipe to the side if you don't like it. If you're done, swipe to the side.
And here's the tricky part.
They got to help you get the meat in between the bones in a flat.
That's the hard part.
Because that one, that's the more hands-on.
And you know what they got to do?
They got to use their pointer finger to poke the meat back in your direction.
You got another waiter holding and another guy.
One more comes in.
He's a joust guy.
He's a joust guy.
He uses one pointer finger, okay, and he pokes
the meat and then you just bite it off like a shrimp.
So that's
perfect. You got enough listeners. Next time
you're at a wingspot, there might be somebody be like, yo,
you told me to, and then they
just get behind you and you're like, perfect.
That's it with a bib. That's it. Like the
broil. Tell me that's not worth 28%,
30%. Minimum. I mean, because look, you do that for 10 tables, you make five bucks a bib. That's it. Like the broil. Tell me that's not worth 28%, 30%. Minimum.
I mean, because, look, you do that for 10 tables.
You make five bucks a table.
I mean, that's not great money, but that's all $50.
But that's enough to pay for the fucking L train, all right?
You good.
50 bucks, bro.
Think about that.
50 bucks.
All you got to do is hold chicken wangs
bro we it's better than a heart on my latte i'll tell you that much
without a doubt bro sometimes we call asians uh asian chicks chicken wangs
right because this old asian chick that we airbnb'd said chicken wang uh we were asking
for things to eat and she was like she was like she was like, bro, Korean fried chicken is the best thing ever.
Son, everything black people do,
Koreans do it better. It is unbelievable.
The fried chicken, breakdancing,
all the things that you traditionally
know as black. I don't know why black people
worry about white cultural appropriation when
Koreans are really the ones that are killing y'all.
So, the
it's true, right?
It's small, though.
We're not threatened.
You're not threatened.
Why are people so small?
Yeah, but yeah, it's still.
More mighty.
Yeah.
We'll hit you with a groan and fuck your day.
Yeah, I got too much confidence.
So this lady was like, she was suggesting food.
She was like, oh, there's some Mexican.
There's some blah, blah, blah.
And there's also a place that sells chicken wang.
So we've been saying chicken wang for the last months about this.
We're in LA, downtown LA.
And there's this Korean rap group that's going up.
And there's this line of chicks going to see the Korean rap group.
And these girls had body there was some real thick
and wing there was some thick and wings so many levels of that joke and some thick and tenders
out front of the line just geeking just be like like, son! I was like, Alex, feed me one of them chicken wings.
Gladly.
Jesus Christ.
Well, that's what you got to do to get that 25% right there.
You heard it here live.
Live, in full effect.
Yo, Trev, tell us where we can find you.
Anything else?
Yeah, man, I'm currently going around the country.
I got Boston coming up in December.
I'm going to be at the House of Comedy in Phoenix in November,
the weekend before Thanksgiving.
December 19th to 21st is Boston.
And then January, I'm going to be in Rochester out here.
So I might have to swing by Buffalo,
catch a Metallica concert while I'm out here.
Gang!
Yeah.
Well, yeah, trevorwallacecomedy.com for tour dates.
Check the YouTube.
Yeah, the YouTube, Trevor Wallace.
Instagram, Trevor Wallace.
All that shit.
But yeah, I post videos and I got a podcast called Stiff Socks.
Check out that with my boy Blaustein.
We got to get Blaustein on here when he comes back.
All right, guys.
We're going to take a break for a second.
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TikTok.
Have you used TikTok?
Do you use TikTok?
Yeah, so I pretty much just upload a lot of my old stuff on there, like Instagram clips that I already put.
And I fucked around, and now that's one of my biggest platforms.
I got a mill on there, and I don't know what the fuck to do with this audience.
I don't know if that contributes to ticket sales, because motherfuckers on there are like 12.
12 years old.
Yeah, so i think i'm
for it because if you i mean a lot of people in this world like you and i got this whole
like we got so much shit out there already yep if you could just you know throw some shit out
there you're i'm not making content for tiktok per se you're just repurposing which is great
because this is already shot edited stuff that i already approved yeah so and i mean there's
such shitty content on there already that if there's something
well shot and good comedy.
People are in it.
Yeah, they're like, what is this genius stuff?
Yeah.
You know, so I was able to grow on there really quick just posting old shit.
Right.
Because it might have been an audience that didn't see my Instagram or YouTube before
that.
Right.
So, I mean, are you on there or what do you think?
We're dabbling.
It's, I think it is a brilliant platform, man.
Like, it solved the one problem with Instagram,
and that is people don't watch Instagram with their sound on.
The sound.
That's the biggest thing I like about TikTok.
You go there to watch videos.
But listen, too.
Yeah.
It's not just watch.
You are listening to that shit.
And that's the thing that Instagram faces is people are on Instagram
just to see what the fuck their friends are doing, you know,
on Saturday at noon.
But it's also like, here's a video I care a lot about
and they're like, I like it.
No subtitles?
Well, fucking good luck.
I might not have my phones in.
Also, Instagram, the feed
is drowned out by pictures.
Everything on TikTok is content
and that is something that is a huge
difference, right? You don't post just a picture
with you and your dog, a picture of you and your boys, a picture of you on stage.
You don't post that on TikTok.
Every piece of TikTok content.
Video content.
But it is like with the purpose to entertain.
Yes.
Not to flex.
Yes.
I'm entertaining.
Now, it's sometimes dumb girls just lip syncing to a song or like some idiot model guy who's like, look at my abs.
But he's at least trying or she's at least trying to
create content out of it yeah but that was the great thing about vine is using the same thing
you go there oh 100 you go there to watch with the with the intent to enjoy content yes versus
instagram is periodically somebody tags you and oh you got to check this out okay i'll watch this
video right but like tiktok you're like i'm going to be entertained it's so easy to scroll and spend
time and time and time hours We spent hours on it.
It is interesting.
So how did you build up?
You just had some videos go.
You had like a strategy with it.
I really kind of just saw what people were already posting on there.
And you can do some trend stuff.
So you can hop on trends.
And it's kind of like at midnight, they'll throw out like there's a trend that'll be going on.
And then you put your rendition on it.
So I'm making something with my take, which is kind of cool.
But you were using old stuff though. Both. So I'm making something with my take, which is kind of cool. But you were using old stuff though.
Both.
So I uploaded a bunch of old stuff
that got a little bit of traction
because people are like,
oh, I've seen this guy before.
That's so-and-so, whatever.
So I built like, you know,
a couple, maybe like 50K on that.
And then I did a couple trend type things.
And then I just kind of like,
what's great about it is
there's also not a lot of expectations
for like really, really good content on there.
So if I throw something up there
and it's a bomb, like it's trash swipe right through yeah exactly it's not like on instagram
somebody's like i want that minute of my life back nobody they just scroll so right you know
you can try shit i'll delete it if it's you know whatever but for the most part i i leaned to the
trends i made some random shit that i wrote down in my notes for a video concept that maybe wasn't
flushed out or uh i needed too many people for it but um they don't expect high quality you can play seven different characters
in that bitch you could be tyler perry in that motherfucking app and nobody's gonna be like
is that the same actor yeah so nobody has expectations and then when you give them
the tiktok shit and well-produced shit like they just flock to it you know right yeah so uh it's i
think exactly what you said people go on there be entertained, and there's not a high standard.
So if you're funny as fuck-
You can excel.
Very fast.
But certain things work, certain things don't work.
It's just fascinating.
You've got to catch them quick.
And that's the music component, right?
Exactly.
Our first stimulus is auditory.
So if I swipe to something, and then the song that comes on is the catchiest part of that song, I'm going to give it a second.
Yeah.
Now I'm invested in the content.
I love me a good buildup, but in this day and age, I'm like, bro, if I don't hear a producer tag within three seconds, I don't want it.
Yeah.
So I think it trains you to kind of just be quick with it.
But also, I mean, the weirdest part is people still trying to figure out what to do with that audience because people got millions of fans on there.
But it's like now.
Now what? I've had people come up to you on the street and be like i love your tiktok and i'm like what the fuck yeah i like it's almost i feel disrespected in a
sense yeah but in a sense it's like that's a whole new platform that saw me that might not have seen
me before a whole new demo of people exactly yeah so in a sense you know if i mean i was going to
try to do this for like upcoming tours i had but but just use that app somehow to be like, what's up?
I'm a stand-up comic.
These are the dates I'm going to.
And then try to make it fit that demo somehow, which I don't know how the fuck I'd do that.
Just put Kidz Bop in the background or some shit.
Just see if that helps with tickets.
I kind of want to put out, before I announce on any other social media,
be like, I'm going to be in New Haven tonight.
And how many tickets sell just based off TikTok?
That's smart.
Just to see if I get 13 sales
off just posting on there, does it help?
Yeah.
Because it's got two features.
You post your video and then you can go live,
which I don't know what that does.
So maybe you go live and be like, what's up guys, I want to announce my tour date. It's got two features. You post your video and then you can go live, which I don't know what that does. Yeah. So maybe you go live and be like, what's up guys?
I want to announce my tour date.
So it's 18 and up.
You know, I just want to see if that has an influence.
Because now I've got this audience and I just don't know what to do with it.
Right.
So it's great that I can just dish my content on there.
But like, where's the utilization on it?
I think that it's a long play.
Yeah.
I remember when I first started getting into chris rock i was probably
12 years old 11 years old i don't know i was pretty young dude and uh but he groomed me into
like what type of stand-up i like and then the type of stand-up i turned into being yeah in a
lot of ways right so i think that you look at that tick to TikTok audience not in terms of selling tickets, but in terms of this is the next generation of fans that are going to grow into me.
Yeah, 100%.
So it's acquisition, and it's like setting a standard of your type of comedy and your content.
And then when they're old enough or they go to school, then they go, oh, my God, I'm on the board for the school events.
Yeah, that's how all my colleges came through this
year those are the people like yo you know like because they loved you in high school they finally
go to college they get a little flex it's just it's awareness at this point right that's what
happened with guy code with me right and it was like okay i see how that's going i think my demo
has gotten a little bit older now though youtube changes things like you can like broaden it a
weird way like old and young but but yeah i think there's something there to it one concern is someone told me that the chinese government
i saw something about that and two things about that that they're using it as a profiling strategy
for the parents not the kids huh so like when kids will post like super liberal stuff they're like
okay those are democratic parents when the kids will post like super liberal stuff they'll be like okay those are democratic parents when the kids will post like super trump stuff they'll be like oh those are the republican
parents i mean and then they use that data to like target them and you know push ads to like
those regions etc i mean we're already all exposed like the motherfuckers that put the
little dot over their laptop screen i'm like you're not doing shit bro you thought you think
you're stopping cia i mean all of our shit's already out there so at this point i mean i heard that too yeah which is insane to me but like out of all the
apps you're gonna use you know i mean that's what facebook was right right facebook was this thing
came up social network the whole world got on it and then all of a sudden the whole world was
in some way controlled by one guy in california yeah i mean the biggest thing about any social
media platform comedy is comedy funny is funny it's just finding out how to apply it to uh like certain shit will pop off on twitter for me that won't pop up on facebook right twitter
is more current and then had i posted that video on facebook three weeks later when they're catching
wave about it then it hits so you just alter all your shit you know like for every video i post i
make sure it starts on my face because i know that people are going to be like wait is that the you
know as much as i love is a cinematic shot of the fucking the sun rising with a slow, nobody's got time for that.
So like, there's like little things that like, I don't make content for TikTok, but I might
edit something in a specific way.
I might be like, okay, I already got this video.
Let me chop up the quick shit up front.
Yeah.
Get the first few beats out and then it can, you know, drag on just because people scroll
like this, bro.
Just watch a random person scroll.
It's so quick. If you don't catch them like that,
you've got to get them quick.
Whereas YouTube, it's, okay, I'm going to hang
out for a second. But you're great at that.
You put that meat of
whatever the fuck, dumbest audience
member ever. You put that meat part,
then the title, then you're in. Instead of
being like, wait until four minutes in.
You won't believe it, bro. I'm saying a fucking BuzzFeed article, all right?
You won't believe what happens next.
You give them that teaser, but you get it.
You understand the internet.
And so many people will be like, have you seen this guy?
You know this guy.
So you're ahead of that.
So you get the internet.
And if there's a platform out there that everybody's going to,
I mean, try some shit.
Were you posting stand-up clips on TikTok?
We posted a few.
Another thing I was concerned about is someone told me that
in the user agreement
TikTok owns everything
that you give them. Like the
IP or something like that. So I'm a little
concerned about putting stand-up there because what if
I want to use that stand-up in a
special or something like that randomly and they're
like, eh, eh, eh. Really?
That's what someone told me so I don't know.
And I doubt that they're going to go out and do like
cease and desist shit.
Could you imagine that some 15-year-old would be like,
Mr. Schultz, what have you read here?
God, that's fucking nuts.
Yeah, I don't know.
I mean, we all fly through the terms and conditioning.
They could literally own all of my future children.
I've never read the terms and conditions. No.
Or a contract in general.
Just sign here.
Oh, contracts.
I'd rather get fucked over by a contract than read a contract.
100%.
Quarter mil or five minutes of my time?
Well, you already know.
Real talk.
I get why people get screwed out of everything.
Yes, and they use big ass words and all this shit.
Going through this legalese, bro.
And sometimes they break the page up in half like a Bible and you're just like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And the font just makes me want to go to prison.
It's not good. It's just, fuck, yeah it's bad it is bad but hey man i love what you're doing bro i
wish you were in new york um i really do wish you were in new york man i wish you were i start
coming out here a lot more though you should man yeah i mean i i guess i hope you know i'm sure
you're going to be getting a lot of opportunities and deals and these things in the near future and I hope that you I hope that you keep doing what you're doing you can do them alongside grab
the money yeah but do not transfer your shit you don't want to answer a certain reason that's your
power that's your leverage don't bring that over to anywhere right you know Spotify asked for it
Sirius XM asked for it comedy so don't bring i continue doing this shit and i'll do that stuff with you because i think in the next like maybe
five years but even less when the business organizes itself a little bit more when everybody's
fully streaming then you make that purchase or actually you get purchased right you know what
i mean like you have 10 15 million people and you say,
hey, the only place I can be seen now is on Disney Plus.
Subscribe.
And then you charge Disney Plus $250 million for everything that you do.
Yeah.
Instead of charging Comedy Central a million.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like as long as you can eat, as long as everything's good,
now's the time to own everything.
Yeah, and also, like, the people follow you for a certain reason, so build up that audience
and don't, like, jump ship and be like, well, peace, I'm going in fucking sequel movies.
People get so excited, like, you know, at the idea, because, you know, you're a little
bit younger.
How old are you?
26.
So you're 26, so, like, you're at the end of the generation that actually had traditional
media.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, I'm maybe at the end of the generation that didn't traditional media. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I'm maybe at the end of the generation that didn't.
I'm 36.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right?
So, like, I got social media in college.
So I was like, huh, you grew up with social media, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I should have been around.
So it's like I think what's happening now is you see this complete transition in media, but we still go.
You see this complete transition in media, but we still go.
I see guys in my generation all the time.
They validate themselves with these antiquated methods.
They're like, I need to do late night.
Do you?
I need to have a sitcom.
Do you?
Yeah.
Your videos, my videos, get more views than any sitcom on TV now.
It's nuts.
So why the fuck would I sacrifice? And it directs the consumer.
Yeah, and you have all that connectivity and everything. It's on my channel. That's it. You own it. It's yours. So why the fuck would I sacrifice Yeah. Yeah. And like you have
all that connectivity
and everything.
It's on my channel.
That's it.
You own it.
It's yours.
Your video has a million views.
They're like,
where do I go for this?
Not wait till it credits.
Who is that guy
that played this actor?
Oh, it's Andrew Stoltz.
This is literally like,
this video has this many views.
Here's subscribe.
Now I'm part of this guy's world.
It's like,
it's chronic crazy.
So just keep that.
It's a threat to,
you know,
all that stuff.
And I'm sure they're asking you,
right?
Yeah.
And so it's just like,
don't,
don't give that up. No, no, no, no. It's just not worth it. And I'm sure they're asking you, right? Yeah. So it's just like, don't give that up.
No, no, no, no.
It's just not worth it.
And I see guys give it up.
Yeah.
I mean, if I get something, I'll hit you up.
I'll be like, yo, is this worth the bet?
No.
It's not.
Not for five years.
Because I promise you, and this is the way I see media,
and this is why I want us all to really connect,
is if you were in New York, I would be trying my hardest to have all of us partner up
into this thing and maybe we can do a cross coast but it's different you know we have we have some
things cooking we can't exactly talk about yet but we'll get there but like but i would want us all
to concrete you like to create this like conglomerate because there's so much media influence
that can happen like i've seen the LA YouTuber guys.
They did it.
They all kind of know each other, hang out with each other,
cross-pollinate and build each other up.
It's really amazing the influence they have.
We were just talking about the KSI Logan Paul thing.
They had a major boxing match, two guys that don't even really box,
but they don't box, at the Staples Center.
Most heavyweight boxers cannot fill out the Staples Center.
The Staples Center is insane.
That was even an option.
What do you want to do this fight at?
I'd be like, I don't know, a park or some shit?
Where Kimbo Slice do it.
Yeah, right, exactly.
The backyard in Florida, let's do it.
But the Staples Center.
The Staples Center.
So that's the power of new media, right?
And as long as we harness that and we own everything,
we are the new version of newspapers yeah you know like when
hamilton was tweeting about it like it was a heavyweight ufc fight son they had real ksi
son they had real boxers boxing on undercard yeah like it was a full saunders they literally
they made their own ufc event and that's based off internet influence. Fuck. So that's it.
So it's like, this is the way media operates now.
This is the way we've got to control it.
And then what's going to happen is once the streaming wars end, you're going to have these
different companies, you know, Netflix, Disney, all these types of places, HBO, The Warner,
all that kind of stuff.
They're all going to be settled.
We're going to know who their audiences are.
And then we're going to go, hey hey now that all TV has shifted into streaming
there's no real you know issue here everybody's just watching streaming stuff we have our different
platforms Apple Plus etc then you get the Howard Stern deal yeah then you get the 500 million then
you get the 250 million then you and you're actually in a place where people can watch you
go to Comedy Central now, nobody's watching it.
But if you go to Apple Plus, everybody already got
Apple Plus. Yeah. You see what I'm saying?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We just gotta
wait to see where all the streams end up.
Yeah. So it's like, and even
doing, like I told my agents, I was like, we're not doing any
shows now. We're not doing anything scripted.
We'll do a little one-offs on them. I'll do
a movie if they give it to me. Yeah. But like
creating something in this environment is worthless because nothing can succeed.
Everybody's too fractured.
Everybody's in a million different places.
Eventually we're going to be, dude, eventually there's going to be one service that packages all the streaming services and we're back at cable.
Yeah.
Right?
Oh, it's going to come full loop for sure.
And then once it's full loop, the people with the most personal influence and biggest followings have all the leverage.
Yeah.
We make them bid on us.
They're not being like, who's got the best jawline?
They're like, this motherfucker got 10 mil.
The jawline?
You know what I'm saying?
Who be mocking the Zoomies employees the best?
Yeah, you're right.
Whatever we need, boom, right there.
So it's like the holdout for that.
Take the money on the side.
Just don't leave. Yeah. Don't leave any of that right because the real money it really is everybody every
streaming platform is just sitting there with guns at each other like who and but you i mean i mean
even netflix like when they first started they didn't know they'd be as big as they are i mean
they probably had intentions but nobody knows like who's gonna be the next big thing you know
what is netflix was the restaurant you know when they're like small towns that have one restaurant?
Yeah.
And it's like the food ain't amazing, but it's packed because that's the only fucking restaurant.
Yeah.
So if you want to eat out, you got to eat there.
Right.
Now, a few more restaurants done moved in the neighborhood.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right?
So now the level of food got to step up.
And I think the next few years are going to decide what that looks like.
And we just keep stacking.
Keep doing what we're doing.
Yeah.
Because it's not like we're in a spot where, yeah.
We're making money.
Everything's good.
You know, you're good.
Yeah.
Right.
You don't need food.
You know what I think?
Like life is fine.
Yeah.
And then once all those things are settled and they need the content creators with actual
influence,
because we will become the next quote-unquote movie stars.
Yeah, I mean... The only reason movie stars get paid money
is because they can get people to go watch the movie.
Well, we'll be the only people that can get people to go to things.
Yeah.
There'll be radio DJs because everybody loves them.
They wake up every morning.
Or podcast guys, et cetera.
And then there'll be the YouTube creators.
Yeah.
Shit. Three to five years. i'd say so yeah i mean it's it's a weird world but when it's going to settle out in a
little yeah like you said three to five years and then it'll be like very clear and then i'll be
like oh i should have seen that coming or like yep i predicted that shit and then we can sell
the script and shit because now people will know where the fuck to go for content and it's not
obscene to be like download these seven apps and find me here and then it's only yeah exactly even
apple tv got all these shows out with the fucking aquaman and it's like ah but do i want to go there
like amazon amazon prime like but i go to amazon to buy shit to get the towels
eventually it's going to be in one thing and you just just type the name of it. And you go, oh, yeah, that's easy.
That's where we.
Yeah, yeah.
Now we just build.
Now we're farming.
Exactly.
We're just sowing the seeds.
Exactly.
Each platform is like a different city.
It's like, OK, I got TikTok.
I got people in D.C.
Instagram.
I got people in fucking Arizona.
It's just like you're just building up that repertoire.
Yeah.
And you're killing it.
And you got the youth that's going to grow into it. So it's like you are going to teach them what type of comedy they like. You you're gonna teach them what type of comedy they like you're gonna teach them what type of comedy they're into you know and i
think that's why it's so important because you have stand-up chops i mean you opened for me i
thought you were fucking great thanks when we were in oxnard it was great and um i think it's
important that you start setting a tone especially with like the younger folks like this is what
stand-up looks like this is what stand-up looks like this is
what my youtube content looks like this is what my twitter stuff looks like this is what stand-up is
for me and then you create that expectation for the show and then they're like oh hell yeah i saw
those bits and this is what i'm coming for right it does that way they come out to the show knowing
what to expect instead of waiting for you to go you know say something about white claw or say
something yeah yeah yeah
I got you
and it's
I'm telling you
something has happened with me
it's like
I put out a lot of crowd work
so they created this
expectational crowd work
before the crowd work
I was just being like
flagrant with the jokes
so they came out
for the flagrancy
do you have to say anything
to be like
listen
don't yell shit out
but if you do
you might make it on the channel
or are people smart enough
to be like
we get it
I see people like
wearing shit sometimes to like they look to be like I think they're just trying to make it on the channel. Or are people smart enough to be like, we get it. I see people like wearing shit sometimes
to like,
they look to be like,
I think they're just trying to make it into a video.
And I'll avoid them usually.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean,
there was this albino guy in the front row.
I had to fucking talk to him,
but like,
he's not wearing that.
You know what I mean?
He just,
you know what I mean?
He didn't leave the house that day.
It happens to be a fucking albino,
right?
Like,
that was nuts.
Black Nigerian albino front row it was
insane right you get on stage and be like all right dog i didn't even notice him at first
because he looked like a regular white guy yeah but that's something obviously we got to put out
but it's something i've been i've been cognizant of which is like you know it's constantly reminding
like the flagrancy is what we're doing this is what we're fighting
back against this is the type of comedy that's so rare out there in the world that's the type
of comedy i love to do and that's what you're going to see when you come out to the tour and
then there's going to be these moments obviously that might happen etc and i think you you have to
curate that for the stand-up part yeah i feel that for sure because you body all these videos
yeah but at the end of the day you're a stand stand-up. Yeah, exactly. Before all of it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So like all these-
Start with that.
Exactly.
So all these people gotta know.
Right.
Even if the team's giving it away.
And have some value
because maybe somebody
watching my stand-up,
because my stand-up
is very different from the videos.
They're gonna be like,
you know, I like his videos,
but the stand-up that tastes
is like, it's a little bit edgier.
It's not our type.
But they know that
before going to a show.
Now the people at the shows
are the people that are like,
we saw this clip,
this is what we want,
do that type stuff.
100%.
I think early 2020, I'm gonna shoot something, what you did, and just dice it up.
Yes.
Do that.
And then I don't know if it's weekly or biweekly or whatever, put out a stand-up clip.
But definitely get the awareness out there.
And if you need any help, we'll help you, man.
Yeah.
More than happy to help you guys.
100%.
But yeah, dude, it will be, I think you'll find it.
I think you'll find it's just going to be next level.
Yeah.
That's definitely the plan
I mean I got bits
we even talked about this earlier
it's like
you still doing
you're like
I need to
and your bits actually
are similar
in terms of the way
you punch shit
yeah yeah
because like
I think what really works
when you're mocking
is that you're like
understated about your lines
you're not going
here is the line
it's almost
sometimes throw away
you pick what you want
it's not like
heavy emphasis on it you know
yeah so it seems really authentic and like even though you're making fun of a character
and i think that you act that way in your stand-up as well like with your lines exactly so i think
they will find connectivity yeah if you show it to them yeah i mean yeah i'm starting to find that
too where people are picking out lines from that or even like you just say something you get a
laugh and you're like i wasn't okay yeah i guess that's funny you know i'm just talking
the way i would talk you know yeah so yeah but that's good shit man i'm so proud of you man it's
awesome to see what you're doing thank you just fucking murdering it go check them out everybody
again it's uh give them your socials uh just trevor wallace on instagram and fuck me on tiktok
trevor wallace uh youtube youtube youtube yeah youtube uh i got a bunch of stuff on there i mean
i got some of the videos out there
Just type in Trevor Wallace
And then for tickets
For any tour
It's TrevorWallaceComedy.com
Yeah
Alright guys
Thanks so much for coming on
Peace