Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - NEVER Do Mushrooms At An Indian Wedding
Episode Date: July 13, 2021Join Andrew Schulz, Akaash Singh, AlexxMedia, Mark Gagnon and Dov as they discuss Akaash's Indian wedding and much much more: 0:00 - Start 0:15 - Akaash’s special Indian episode start 1:50 - Episod...e kick off 5:20 - Indian weddings are the best weddings 11:30 - If you’re hungry, go to a gurdwara 23:30 - The guys vs the girls dancing at the wedding 30:00 - mushrooms at the wedding 38:00 - bullying works to lose weight 41:00 - we hired a gay editor 50:20 - First Black winner of the Spelling Bee 1:11:30 - Whole Flagrant crew needs to be shredded 1:13:00 - Cuban uprising 1:41:20 - England v Italy talk 1:54:00 - Conor McGregor fight 2:13:00 - Trump at fight 2:25:00 - Drake is the best flexer
Transcript
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Asshole army, don't ever say we leave you out of anything.
You understand?
Okay?
We all went to this amazing Indian wedding over the weekend.
You weren't there.
You thought that you were going to miss it.
You thought you weren't going to have that unique cultural experience.
Well, you thought wrong.
Okay?
Because we bring that bitch back.
We bring it to you. Hey!
Hey! Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey! Thank you. Oh my god.
Asshole army.
What's up everybody?
Welcome.
You thought you were going to miss the wedding of the century.
You thought you were going to miss the celebration of the century.
You thought that you weren't going to be here for it, but we brought it to you.
We always got your back.
Oh my God, I'm out of breath.
I'm so tired.
Officially married Akash Singh over the weekend.
Yeah.
Oh my God. officially married Akash Singh over the weekend oh my god Navdeep was the
drummer at your wedding
yeah the whole player
what's it called?
he was the dough player at the wedding
I'm fucking exhausted
I couldn't believe I had to do that again
holy shit
he's like no
I was hyped
midway through I was like I'm doing this again again you know holy shit he's like no just that camel now i was hyped i was hyped but
midway through i was like this is fucking i'm doing this again oh my god that was a bad idea
to start on the podcast just like that holy shit that's but um listen we had an absolutely amazing
time i'm not going to make you stand there this whole episode and play but just for a few more
minutes it'd be good um we are already recording akash How do you feel?
That was the best weekend of my life dude It really was
I did not think it would be
I thought it's a thing you do for the wife
I had so much fun
So much love in the room
I'm tired
Real quick Shasta Navdeep Kundi
And DJ Chad
They fucking killed it
Great job DJ Chad
I still haven't paid you but I think now we're good.
Sure.
That's the most Indian thing you've ever done.
He got paid, too.
Chad was like, we're working out.
I was like, we will.
I think we just did.
Be honest.
Is it annoying doing business with Indians?
Sometimes.
Yes.
Sometimes.
They haggle you a lot.
They haggle, right? did i haggle though no
you're fine yeah i was broken at that point i was broken i had nothing left i said whatever he wants
y'all just do it i don't care i don't know how you kept your energy up the entire time it was
unbelievable i don't either you were dancing literally for 48 hours straight yeah like every
part is a fucking day you have to dance every part because you're the groom.
So like if you're not dancing, who else is going to dance?
I normally dance a lot at weddings because it's fun and whatever.
But like as the groom, if you're just like sitting out, what's anyone, no one else is going to do anything.
So like the whole party is like, you got to get people.
It's dependent on you.
That's right.
If you're chilling, you're not going to do it. Now, I will say this.
I thought it was very brave of you to, to, to, to, I don't know how to, what's the term?
Become sick.
What is that?
Convert.
Convert.
Convert to Siki.
Yeah.
And we were there for that conversion.
And I thought that that was very brave for you to give up your religion and give up everything your family
has raised you to do. I think you converted.
I'm in. I'm fully in, bro.
Nah, we all in, bro.
Al wore his the whole day. We all in, baby.
We were all doing it. Yeah, yeah, they tried to suffocate me.
Big Body Bells or something like that.
I forget the guy's name. He's a Big Body Sing
or whatever, guy. Big Belly Sing.
Big Belly Sing, yeah. He tied my shit super tight
and I had to run it back.
Yeah, he tied mine tight first.
I was like,
this is really tight.
He was like,
yours needs to be.
He didn't tie it that tight.
For the groom,
it's got to be extra.
They tied a very,
like a certain formal way and I was like,
this shit is,
I've had one tied before.
Yeah.
This was super tight.
My neck was hurting.
Yeah.
Like 30 minutes in,
my neck was sore.
Luckily,
I think I danced so much
in the Bharat that the sweat
expanded it a bit. So it wasn't
as bad during the ceremony, but I was dying.
I had an absolutely fucking amazing time
at this wedding. I do think that Indian weddings
are the best weddings. I've been thinking about this a lot.
I have been too. And I'm not saying this for pandering reasons.
I think they are the best weddings.
And this is why.
Okay. Expectation. As long as your reality exceeds the I think they are the best weddings, and this is why. Okay, expectation.
As long as your reality exceeds the expectation, you think it's an amazing time, right?
The cool thing about Indian weddings, especially as a white person or non-Indian that's going into it, right,
is outside of my interactions with you, my only interactions with Indians are in the highest levels of professionalism, right?
A doctor.
Don't be joking around with me that much if you're a doctor.
A dentist, don't be kidding around.
Don't show too much personality.
Fix me, bro.
So you see like this muted version of Indians, right?
It's always in some sort of professional setting.
They're not being that silly because oftentimes the jobs they choose are very high stakes.
You're the CEO of a company.
Don't be kidding around.
Guy who runs Google.
Make sure to Google Googles.
You don't got time for that No, right and then outside of that. It's a very
Tightly knit community. So there's not that many people from the outside that are gonna get access to it, right?
So the first time a lot of non Indians see Indians actually being Indian. Yeah, is that the wedding right?
We assimilate everywhere else everywhere else. Hey, what do you do? We'll figure it out
We'll keep our stuff as much as we
can, but we're going to assimilate to what you do.
Indian wedding, you're going to assimilate to
us. Yes, and what's so interesting
is the assimilation process
is nothing. We're way
more similar. You like
to party your asses off, drink,
dance, and the cool thing about it
is the dancing
is about enjoyment, not romance yeah men dance with
men yeah 100 old people dance with young people kids everybody's like a rave it was like just
move your body move your body whatever you gotta do like burning man like a little bit i literally
thought of it but at no point in time we're like oh i think they're trying to hook up or that kind
of shit like that it wasn't sexualized no It was just everybody go have a good time.
I didn't even think about that, yeah.
I'm telling you, man, a really cool aspect was that when you see everybody dancing,
first of all, Indians can bust it down, but there are also Indians that can't.
But it seems like nobody's insecure to dance.
If you're a white person, you're not dancing at no black wedding.
And if you are, sir.
You're not dancing at a Latin wedding.
You're not making a fool of yourself at a black or Latin wedding.
There's no line dance where you got to get it right.
It's just have fun.
That's how you get it right.
If you're having fun, you're doing it right, at least from the outside.
The only line dance we have is, I hadn't even done this, a Punjabi thing.
It's called a real goodie at the end where you just get in line.
Everybody just runs around the room like a train.
That's it.
There's no steps.
If you don't know the Cupid shuffle, you don't know the shit.
You out.
You look like a fucking retard. You can run can run in a line man hands in the air
One of the things about dancing I think it's most uncomfortable for people is they don't know what to do with their arms
Yeah, so even if they are to step in they're like do I snap do I clap?
They don't know and then you guys just have it built
I told I was telling everyone what do you think this shit is?
Black people not knowing what to do with their fucking hands.
So they had to build it into the dance.
The Macarena is all, what do I do with my hands?
I thought that was trying to
swat the flies.
I told every white person I was
uncomfortable to dance, you just gotta shrug
and then do something with it. Just shrug
on beat and then just do whatever you want
and it all flies. So we're watching everybody just let loose. And beat, and then just do whatever you want, and it all flies.
So we're watching everybody just let loose.
And again, I can't speak for you guys,
but that was my experience, and I was like, oh, shit.
I don't have to feel insecure.
Everybody is either looking amazing or making a fool of themselves
because it's all in the guise of fun.
As long as you're having fun, you're doing the right thing.
Also, food.
Yeah.
Indian food is perfect wedding food. Yeah. Indian food is perfect wedding food.
Yeah.
Indian food is, is stews.
Yeah.
Right?
Like if you go to like wedding, usually wedding food sucks.
Yeah.
I didn't realize that.
It sucks.
Yeah.
And it's like, you don't want to make 300 steaks at one time.
Oh.
You know what I mean?
You don't want to make 300 chicken parms at one time.
You know what I mean? That's like lunchroom food for chicken parms at one time. You know what I mean?
That's like lunchroom food for kids.
That's the reason why it sucks when you go to public school and you get this little bag lunch.
It sucks because you have to make 300 of it.
The Indian food is built for it.
Yeah.
The longer it sits in the stew.
The better.
The better it gets.
Yeah.
So we're having this delicious food.
Everybody's having a great time.
I mean, it was just amazing. I didn't even think about, because
my parents, when they would,
I have all these Indian kids I grew up with.
A few of my groomsmen you met.
Our parents were friends, had kids.
Every weekend, we'd go to each other's house.
They would just move the furniture in the living room and just put
on music and dance. That's what a party
was to me. I didn't know you went out to clubs
and shit like that. And there was always this thing they would
do that I didn't realize I do it now all the time. If you're not dancing, they just pull you in and make you dance. I didn't know you went out to clubs and shit like that. And there was always this thing they would do that I didn't realize I do it now
all the time. If you're not dancing,
they just pull you in and make you dance.
There is no judgment. There is no
are you good or are you not. Just move your body.
Have fun. That's all we want.
And I didn't even realize that until you said it just now.
That's what I do. When I saw you guys at the bar
on Friday, I was like,
where the fuck are they? I went looking for you
and then I was like, every one of you, I was like, get your ass on the floor.
And then anybody that was insecure, I would just yank them in or shove them to the center
and just be like, just go.
Who cares?
So you know my girl hates attention.
Yeah.
Right?
She does not want fucking attention.
She was dancing in the middle of the circle.
Yes.
That does not happen unless she feels incredibly comfortable.
She would never do that.
She was like, this is what she said.
She's like, this is actually great practice for our wedding.
I'm like, you wouldn't dance in the circle at your own wedding?
Yeah.
So it was just really cool to see that environment.
And that doesn't exist everywhere.
Yeah, I didn't even realize that.
You guys got something.
I was trying to think what are the best weddings.
Why are Indian weddings so fun?
And I was thinking it's just any culture where family is really important,
the wedding is probably fun.
I've heard Greek weddings are fire.
Interesting.
Because it's a big family culture.
Italian weddings are probably fire because it's family and it's food.
So probably fire.
But then Indian weddings, if you go to India, it's just mad colors everywhere.
Dude.
Everywhere.
It's the best wedding, man.
Also, just the idea that you want people to embrace your culture and dress up
yeah
like it was fucking
Halloween for us
like we were going out
to get costumes
we're trying to match it
like look at these things
we kept them right
we got sneakers
so many people wanted
to keep the pug
the turban
I was surprised
yeah you kept yours
so many people
was I not supposed to
no you absolutely can
just don't like
throw them on the ground
or whatever
don't mistreat it
but everybody was like
nah I want to keep mine
that wasn't Indian
the Indians were like
nah you can have it.
Yo, hit this shit
every once in a while
when you say something.
Nope.
Yeah.
The pug was fire, dude.
The pug was fire.
And it was cool
going to the Gurdwara.
Gurdwara, yeah.
Gurdwara.
This guy was telling me
that if you're hungry,
anywhere in the world,
just go to a Gurdwara.
Yeah.
They'll feed you.
They were feeding
the soldiers that they were fighting againsturdwara yeah they'll feed you like they were feeding like
the soldiers that they were fighting against yeah yeah yeah they like crazy yeah it's a big thing
it's called lunger and it's like a big like practice for six which is like we feed people
who need food like even if we're beefing what's the real what's the actual name of the golden
temple i forget i'm on this up they feel like 50 000 people a day that's crazy yeah um yeah i mean it was just really beautiful to like learn about that
because we were in where the ceremony was uh that being said that's my last religious ceremony at a
wedding i'm not i'm not gonna do it i'm not gonna do it anymore well yeah i'm i am sick actually
you became sick i'm sick mark bent the knee can i tell you something this is something really
important another thing indians won't do at their
wedding. This is really important. They won't tell you any of the
rules. So you told us
dress up in suits on Friday.
We dress up in suits on Friday.
We come Saturday.
All the Indians are in tuxedos and suits
and we're the only ones dressed in Indian
outfits. Yeah.
You can wear, that's what I said when you were like
what?
Hello.
We're looking like assholes.
We're looking like we're making fun of the people there.
Dude, not at all.
It is, you can wear Western or Eastern.
That's why when you asked me. Why'd you guys go Western?
We would have went Eastern with you guys on Friday.
Here's why a lot of Indians, if you go to a lot of Indian weddings, you can't really
wear that suit again.
But if you wear a suit as a dude, you just mix and match shirt and tie and that's it.
So I don't need, it's almost like, you know how women need outfits for every wedding or whatever?
Like if you wear that outfit again, everybody's going to be like, you wore that shit.
If I have a suit, I have a black suit, I just change out the shirt and tie and I'm good.
Right.
I have to buy a new one of those every single time I go to a wedding.
And so it's like.
I've been wearing the same suit for the last three years, every single wedding I go to.
Your wedding, Mark's wedding, my own wedding. That's what we do. We'll be the same suit for the last three years every single wedding
That's what we do I have one suit so it's easy for Indian wedding it works to do both So I'm like odds where the suit at night because then I just change out the shirt and tie
I don't have to shop. It's convenience. It's laziness
We're not the only assholes we showed up basically in blackface
We're wearing brown shirts on Saturday night
And I had I was walking in the hallway,
and I saw your cousin,
who's maybe the most handsome Indian person
I've ever seen in my entire life.
He's a neat 2.0, and it really bothers me.
Holy shit.
2.0?
Stop!
You wish!
That motherfucker is so handsome.
He's like, I cost $3,000.
100%.
Remember when the Terminator had to fight the liquid?
He's the liquid.
He's been here before.
What?
You've met him.
I would have remembered that.
The old studio.
I would have remembered.
We would have been blown away by that.
Bro, spread that man on some booty bread.
He told me.
He told me.
Son, I couldn't even talk to him.
And he's the sweetest kid on earth.
Don't be sweet.
Yeah.
Don't be sweet. Blue, don't be sweet.
Blue eyes, fair skin.
Almost slapped him in his mouth.
He goes, you excited for tonight?
I was like, keep staying excited, motherfucker.
You'll be cleaning shit off your stomach.
Yo, I'm telling you, that was a handsome motherfucker.
I was insecure talking to him, bro.
Super.
It felt uncomfortable.
And he was in a tux.
He goes, oh, you guys are going with the traditional attire tonight.
Well, I'm seeing him in the tux.
I'm like, oh, this motherfucker Akash setting us up.
Yep.
You're a fool.
Yep.
You set us up to look good.
Let me tell you something.
And you set us up at the ceremony, at the sick ceremony.
You didn't tell me we were going to be sitting there for four hours.
Okay?
We get into the room, and I notice that all the older, I notice all the people who have
pugs on, and all the people who look like
they know what's up, they found a wall.
They found a wall quick.
They found a column.
Akash's father-in-law found a column in the middle.
This guy was on next level shit.
There's not supposed to be a column in the middle.
He found a column in the middle.
I'm like, why is everybody leaning on some shit?
I'm like, all right, whatever.
And I sit next to a black dude.
I'm like, how the fuck am I following what he's doing?
This guy has no clue what the fuck is going on in here.
So we're in there, I'm like, what's going on?
And then he starts going, I'm looking at the itinerary,
we're doing, I'm following along, I'm reading along,
because you can read along it, and they spell it in both the,
what is that, Sanskrit?
Punjabi.
Punjabi, right?
And they got it in English letters, but spelled so you could kind of pronounce it.
Translaboration.
It was super, it was great because I could hear him say it when I saw it in like the American letters, right?
Or the English letters.
So I'm following along.
I'm like, okay, we go.
And then you guys start walking.
And then your brother-in-law, Andrew, says, all right, listen, this is it.
This is the thing.
Like once he does the walk, they are married.
So I'm like, oh, it's lit.
So super slow walk around. I'm like, all right, they build an attention. This is the thing. Like once he does the walk, they are married. So I'm like, oh, it's lit. So super slow walk around.
I'm like, all right, they build an attention.
It's super slow.
And then you get around, sit back down.
I'm about to go crazy.
You're not supposed to clap.
But I'm like, it's going.
And all of a sudden, you get back up.
So I'm walking around again.
I thought you fucked it up.
Run it back.
Run it back.
I thought they were running it back.
He got it this time.
Because I thought you would tell us.
You're like, I'm super nervous.
I just don't want to fuck up.
This is really important traditional stuff it's really important my girl's
family so i'm seeing it in your eyes you're like i am not he's focused bro this is jordan game seven
jordan don't go to game seven
and then you run it back again right and then you sit down again i'm like oh he did not just
fuck this shit up another time that's's okay. You can lose two away.
Now we at home.
Yeah.
Okay.
He's doing his shit like the Bucks.
Yeah.
So he gets back up.
He gets back up.
You ran around third time.
Yep.
No.
Yep.
I had to turn to Andrew and he was like, no, you have to go around four times.
Then officially married.
Yeah.
Thank God, bro.
Hit that shit.
Yeah.
Official. Yeah. Thank God, bro. Hit that shit. Official.
Yeah.
I was laying down.
I'll be honest.
I tried to get the message out about the wall because I realized mad late I was like, oh, yeah, a wall would be very helpful for these guys.
And I could only tell like one person.
And then that guy just found a wall, I think.
Or a chair.
I didn't want to.
I think Case just gave up.
I found a chair.
I was sitting in the back. I was slumped. I was Case just gave up. I found a chair. I was sitting in the back.
I was slumped.
I was slumped.
I was slumped.
He was in the back corner.
Slumped.
I would never disrespect.
Stop it.
Stop it.
Remember they give you that little sweet sugar thing?
I was caught on fire.
I fucked with that.
What is it called?
Prashad.
The Prashad.
Yeah.
But I was slumped.
I was sleeping while the rest of us were paying attention.
That's disrespect, bro.
Stop it.
That's disrespect. That's disrespect, bro. Stop it. That's disrespect.
I actually, I was on muscle relaxers and painkillers because my back was out, but I still came
and danced.
Oh, really?
You know how you blew his back?
With your cousin.
That's how you blew his back.
Handsome motherfucker.
So he could get it.
Real talk, he could get it.
I agree.
So why is he not in Bollywood doing work?
I don't know.
He needs to be on a cover somewhere.
He doesn't understand how good looking he is.
Call him right now.
I'll tell him.
Yo, him on the phone is going to get salty.
He's going to get real salty.
He told me at the end, he said, I didn't get hit on by any girls.
Got hit on by a lot of your groomsmen.
Yeah, yeah.
I was trying to tell you the first thing.
I was like, yo, the Indian men are kind of attractive.
And I was just waiting for you to point that sexy motherfucker out.
I couldn't just start with him.
But I was like, come on.
I almost said it to him.
I almost said it to him, bro.
Especially when I saw him in a tux, when I saw that he could do both worlds.
Yeah.
I could take this guy places.
You know what I mean?
He could be my parents.
You know what I mean?
That's a real man right there.
Andrew's mom was killing it on the dance floor.
My mom was booking, bro.
She was getting down.
Your mom is the dance champion of the world.
Still to this day, she throws down.
She got rhythm, son.
Whoa.
I was blown away.
All the other non-Indians, it took them a second to get comfortable.
Yeah.
It's not a knock.
It is what it is.
I think they're kind of like, I don't know what.
Your mom hopped right the fuck in, dog.
So fast.
Was dancing her ass off.
It was so cute.
Killing it.
Dancing with everybody in the middle of the circle.
It was so good to see you.
She was having a great time, man.
Did we fuck up anything?
No.
Y'all did great.
I did good at the wedding, right?
You did great.
You did great.
Come on.
Come on, Al. Did we fuck up anything? We didn't fuck up nothing no the planner told me she was like it's really
actually adorable how like hard you're how much your groomsmen are making sure they do everything
right thank you bro yeah i almost missed your ceremony yeah i don't want to point out the
obvious i almost missed your ceremony and what were. To be honest, if I came a little later, my back
won't be still hurting today.
To be honest.
How much money did you put in, by the way?
Into the little... Only a dollar?
That's all we were told.
What'd you put in? Five.
Wow, dude, you really extended yourself.
Five times the amount.
Listen, I was late,
but I was taking a shit. Five times the amount. Listen, I was late. Yeah. But I was taking a shit.
Mad late.
Yeah.
Which I blame on you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He told me.
He's like, do I have time to blow it out?
And I think it'd be a long shit.
Come on.
You know this guy.
Oh, that's on you.
I've been having only Indian food for the last 25 hours.
That's on muscle relaxers, bro.
That's how I thought it would come out quicker.
Nah, dude.
I was fighting for that.
I was about to shoot out of there like a fire hose.
I was like, wrestling, dog.
Wrestling.
Hey, you're not paid to talk, dog.
I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. What, you're not paid to talk, dog. I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
What'd you say, bro?
I'm kidding.
What'd you say, bro?
You're going to let this Rajput talk to you like that?
Hey, this motherfucker was pretty, too.
I didn't like it at the Sangeeta.
I was like, I don't like how pretty this guy is, either.
It was pretty.
They kept calling Kevin, the camera guy, Hodor, bro.
That shit was crazy. Awesome. Yo, that kept calling Kevin, the camera guy, Hodor, bro. That shit was crazy, son.
Yo, that shit was absolutely crazy.
That is what Dushar called him.
Vala is like,
yo, they got Hodor shooting a wedding, bro.
They did.
When he was in the Indian clothes, he looked like
Hodor, son.
Nah, because, no, he was. He was huge.
He's seven feet, but Hodor kind of had
that outfit. Yo, Dushar. He was huge. He's seven feet, but Hodor kind of had that outfit.
Yo, Thushar for the first time.
He did.
Did he not?
And Vala was calling him that shit.
Vala, you fucked up, son.
You did.
That was fucked up.
Yo, for the first three months, that's all Thushar called him, Hodor.
It's Hodor.
It's Hodor coming to film.
It's Hodor.
And I told Kevin that, and luckily Kevin hadn't seen the show because I didn't want to be two-faced about it
but I also was hoping
I wouldn't hurt his feelings.
He was like,
I've never seen Game of Thrones.
I was like,
thank God, yo,
because that shit is too perfect.
Okay, anything about the wedding?
Tell us where we fucked up.
Like anything you could
trash us about.
Son, you guys were great, man.
My only issue was
on the Sangeetha on Friday,
y'all were in the bar
for too long.
On the sidebar.
Chatted it up.
Oh, yeah.
Chatted it up.
I mean, that's kind of your fault, bro. That was the, true. I mean, that's kind of your fault, bro.
That was the sidebar.
That's kind of your fault, bro.
I'm glad you said it because if I said it, I'd be a dick.
You might not even go there.
What do you mean by that?
I mean, we should have had to go to that bar to get the drinks is what I'm saying.
Oh, yeah.
That's a good point.
There's a mini bar in the room.
You heard that?
The Punjabi agrees.
Agreed, yeah. Mini, there's a bar in the room. You heard that? The Punjabi agrees.
There's a bar in the room.
Why didn't you go there?
It was wine and beer inside and the liquor was outside. I got to drink liquor
at my wedding? Yes.
We was trying to get your shit lit.
It's a Punjabi wedding.
I didn't want y'all to get too drunk and fuck up Saturday morning.
That was a deliberate choice.
I was like, I got beer and wine, but I don't want anybody getting
fucking tossed. We deliberately chose to go get the liquor. They had to open the shit up for morning. That was a deliberate choice. I was like, I got beer and wine, but I don't want anybody getting fucking tossed.
We deliberately chose to go get the liquor.
They had to open the shit up for you.
They told me after. They were like, I didn't understand
it was whoever it was. They were like, that's not
normally open, but we opened it up.
It was like the Capitol riot, bro. We stormed
that shit. Nah, your cousin
was throwing back shots over there.
I ain't snitching, but they was going for it.
They're built for it. They know what to do.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
To bring up Jordan,
Jordan could be hung over
in a flu game.
And we know he's going
to get it done.
He's been to this before.
He's been through this.
See?
He's a vet.
It's very convenient
that the dancing is just like this.
You could be drunk as fuck
and just go like this all day.
That's perfect.
It's the best.
That's perfect, yo.
It's the best.
Okay, how does it feel now
to be married?
The actual being married, I like calling her my wife because it's less syllables than
fiance.
Yes.
But he's in the same spot.
We live together.
It's like, it's not that different.
It's just cool to say my wife.
Yes.
It's nice.
I really enjoy it.
And also, fiance, for two years, you get so fucking tired of fiance.
Yeah.
Because we were supposed to be married almost a year ago.
Yo, and your wife was stunning at every single she looked great she killed that dance
oh yeah i'm gonna murder them like yeah you guys versus the girls so we thought we were
and normally we go to weddings and stuff she got on heels she can't really dance so i've never seen
her go when she took off the heels i, oh, it's about to go down.
She dancing barefoot.
And she fucking went hammer.
And then I didn't want to see her at her wedding dress, the actual ceremony dress. Yeah.
Because we bought like, she bought one that she was really excited about.
I was like, all right, cool.
Don't let me see it until.
And when I saw her, I was like, god damn.
She looked beautiful at the ceremony.
Yeah, bro.
I was like, all right.
Did you cry?
I teared up.
I thought I was going to cry way more to be honest.
I cried too.
When you were shitting?
Huh?
When you were shitting?
I cry when I shit as well.
I cry when I shit.
No, no, no.
I got a little emotional, bro.
Yeah, man.
Yeah, I got a little emotional,
but it wasn't until the night at Saturday.
Yeah, dude.
Some of the speeches got me.
That's what it was.
Yeah, your mom's speech was fire, bro.
Yeah, man.
She had like three sips of wine, and then she was like, I don't know.
I think I was drunk.
She was like, I didn't write anything.
I just went.
My brother's speech got me.
My mom's speech, when she said that, she said some things that got me teary-eyed.
I didn't actually cry, though.
But I thought, I was like, I'm going to cry so many times.
The in-laws were funny, too.
They had some bars.
My father-in-law was funny, bro.
Holy shit.
He made a cosby reference yeah
he's like i was like what what does he do for a living and then uh said that he was a comedian
and i was like i don't know about this because this is when all the cosby things were going on
and bro we were dying laughing bro and i was having vola translate because i didn't understand
what he was saying because his accent's kind of thick, and it's over a microphone, so it was already muddled.
But Vala was dying laughing when he said it.
I'm like, yo, Vala, what'd he say?
I wasn't listening either, and then Jasleen told me, and then Thushar told me, you and
Andrew both stood up out of your chairs at the exact same time.
Start clapping.
Start clapping, bro.
Yeah.
He went for it, dog.
He went for it on a big day.
I love it, bro.
I love it.
He went for it on a big day.
I loved it.
That could have bombed.
Yo, exactly. That could have bombed. That high risk, high reward. That's right. That's what, hey, we flagrant, dog. I love it. You went for it on a big day. I loved it. That could have bombed. Yo.
That could have bombed.
That high risk, high reward.
That's right.
Hey, we flagrant, dog.
Hey, we flagrant, bro. Flagrant family.
I like him, bro.
Yeah, he's a funny dude.
Cool dude.
Funny dude.
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All right, what else?
Anything else?
Anything else you guys would like to say?
You know what I thought of at the reception?
I thought of something you said.
What's that?
About the first time you took Molly, or the only time you took Molly, Burning Man, how you felt full.
That's how I felt.
Extra even.
Yeah, extra even.
Just like the love is just pouring out of me and everybody around me.
That's how I felt at the reception Saturday night.
The speeches were great, but even just talking to everybody one-on-one, it was just so much love, dude.
It was like, it was incredible.
All these people from all over
coming to support you
and your girls
yeah and you're just
all telling each other
how much you care
about each other
and how much you mean
to each other
and it's fucking amazing
that was like
that was my favorite
part of the whole thing
it was just the amount
of love
especially Saturday night
and I think people
didn't know
I don't even think
we knew the wedding
was going to be
as nice as it was
like it was an actual
nice wedding
and when I'm paying for it
and I'm like
I don't know this is what I can afford but it ended up nice as it was. It was an actual nice wedding. And when I'm paying for it and I'm like, I don't know.
This is what I can afford.
But it ended up being great.
It was amazing, bro.
That shit was fire.
Amazing.
That shit was fire.
There's some good pictures.
Vala got a good picture.
Vala got some fire ass pictures that I just posted on my stories.
Yeah.
Vala was tight, though.
Why?
Because.
That motherfucker wore green on purpose.
Yeah, I know.
He did.
He wore green on purpose.
I did too out of solidarity.
But then you did it to rubbing my face. Oh, shit. Intentions were different, bro. Wait, what? What He wore green on purpose. I did too out of solidarity, but then you did
to rubbing my face.
Oh, shit.
Intentions were different, bro.
Wait, what?
What color is green?
Green is Pakistan?
That's Pakistan.
Oh.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
I'm trying to show
there are no borders
and then you're trying
to show me the borders are there.
He needed to run it back again.
You building it back.
You Kashmir'd the situation
really hard.
Damn.
He was pissed that he couldn't get no pussy, bro.
These girls were turning
him down left and right, bro.
They were turning him down so much,
bro. It was crazy. Remember when you
was trying to get pussy and you couldn't?
Good knee!
Oh, shit.
Wally, you all remember that?
You remember when Wally was swinging and missing, bro? Yeah.
He would try to go up to girls to get them to dance, and then they would notice he was
Pakistani.
They could just fucking smell it on him.
A hundred percent.
And then they would just turn, curb his ass, bro.
Yeah.
Yo, rejection, dude.
It was crazy.
And he was on Tinder.
He was swiping crazy.
Ferociously.
He was trying to meet up with a girl at the bar in the outfit.
Yo. That's next level, dude. That's fire. That's fire. I like swiping crazy. Ferociously. He was trying to meet up with a girl at the bar in the outfit. Yo.
That's next level, dude.
That's fire.
That's fire.
I like that, bro.
Anyway, yeah.
And then Dove.
Oh, no.
Before we go to Dove.
Because we all get Dove.
Dove, you're about to get it.
Another thing that we noticed about Vala, he was horny, bro.
Oh, yeah.
Friday night, he was lusting, dude.
I love it.
I love to see it, Vala.
Hey, Mark, come home dog dude he was he
was you know how like he's usually giggly he laughs like a little kid and shit like that like
but like that like that right he laughs like a little child a little taller but but at the
wedding he was just like this he was just like hmm he was just looking around the room friday
night specifically
I love it bro
When the bridesmaids
Were dancing
Yeah yeah
It was a problem bro
Yeah dog
It was a problem
Come home dog
What dude
You need to relax
At weddings dog
You were angry
And horny dog
Yeah
I was like
Yo I gotta
Get it back
Hey come home bro
Come home bro
Come home
Come home
Get out of Get out of Williamsiamsburg dog get out of
williamsburg all right flame this guy okay dove dove got high on mushrooms the first night yeah
right because this guy's so disrespectful he's like it's gonna be colorful it's gonna be beautiful
it's like fucking the forest like he's just taking in the natural beauty and then said he got depressed and that's what happened.
I knew that he was a little sad.
I put the fucking dagger in his heart.
I knew he was a little sad, right?
I didn't even notice.
He was depressed. He was super depressed.
I was like the sad Escobar in Narcos.
He was hanging out with Avala.
How did it feel to watch me leave it in your fucking Tesla?
Everything has been taken from him.
It was him and Vala just horny and depressed the whole night.
Horny and sad.
Just night one.
We're outside by the bar, right?
My girl, Mark's girl, they're all talking to each other.
And I'm sitting at the table, and I'm talking to Dove.
And I look over, and I look back at Dove, and I go,
Dove, don't you want that?
Son. Son. Son. son that's just evil bro
why would you even do that why would you even say that andrew would you even say that, Andrew?
You know how hard I'm trying.
You know how hard I'm trying.
I'm trying to meet that person.
I'm trying to meet that person.
I'm surrounded by these things.
I'm surrounded by love.
I'm depressed.
I'm on magic mushrooms.
It's unbelievable what's going on right now.
Why would you even say that?
You think I don't want that?
I come all the way to New York hoping to find some more Jewish girls because the Jewish ones in Los Angeles are too Persian or whatever.
Yeah.
You said that.
You was high on the mushrooms, but you said it.
You was wild, bro.
It was crazy.
It was crazy.
Bitch.
But don't you want that?
Isn't that beautiful, bro?
I'm also not trying.
You're not trying.
The guru now is telling me to sit back, wait,
blow my heart with love.
Sit back and wait.
Hey, bro.
Gang.
Did you find any girls at the wedding?
Nobody?
You can hook up at the wedding.
Out of respect.
Come on.
Nobody you could chat up.
But he doesn't do it right away.
Dove moves in.
He builds a friendship first.
But I'll tell you this.
As a Jew, I fuck with six.
I'll pick them. I'll put them at the
top all-star team. Over Hindu.
Wow.
Over Hindus. Why is this?
I've met a few
Punjabis in my time.
First of all, they fuck with Israel.
Thank you. Shout out.
It's all it takes.
It's all it takes. Thank you. A blue square is all it takes
he set you up yeah he set you up you were his competition he set you up
that's what it was larooms never did that to me.
I'll say this.
Al, Mark, thoughts on the wedding before we move on?
I had an amazing time.
I was just lit.
I was enjoying myself.
Wasn't self-conscious at all to get in there.
Saturday night I thought was the night Al felt the most comfortable.
Yeah.
I thought everybody was the most.
By Saturday night, everybody was in.
Everybody got it.
Everybody was like, no, you just dance and let's just get in there.
You do the, you know.
Yeah, but Friday I was getting in too, a little bit.
Son, I was, Vala set me up with a video that made me laugh.
I was really happy to see Mark in there dancing on Friday night.
And Vala had a picture of Mark dancing.
And then me stopping dancing and looking at Mark and then just going.
And I didn't even know.
I truly was so happy to see you in there.
And then Vala captured this moment.
I don't know how the fuck I look like that,
but it looks like I hated seeing you dance and I loved it.
No, no, you should have hated it.
I'm not going to do it right, but I'm going to go for 100%.
That's all we want, bro.
That's all it is.
And to the outfits, we love that you wore Indian clothes.
We love that.
We're not like, oh, you're at our wedding.
Yeah.
That's paying respect.
Okay, who won?
Why don't you just tell us, Simon?
Why don't you just tell us?
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew had a great, he did great with the voiceover in the sketch.
He fucking killed it.
No, no, no.
No, no, the outfits.
The outfits.
We don't care about talent.
Who won the outfits?
Yeah.
You better don't even.
They don't care about talent.
Okay, this is what we all wore, right?
No, no, no.
This is what I wore with you. This is the- Yes, yes, yes. I already returned my other shit. Yeah, okay. All right, good for you. Yeah don't care about talent. This is what we all wore, right? No, no, no. This is what I wore with you.
This is the
already returned
mileage shit.
Yeah, okay.
All right, good for you.
Yeah, I accidentally bought this.
I didn't mean to,
but I own this now, so.
It's fire.
I think Al wins.
Yeah.
Well, Al won.
It's not even close.
He put hoop earrings in.
I killed you.
And he had different size hoops.
If you look at his Instagram story,
he had some big old hoops.
He looked like J-Lo.
And then he downsized.
And made him the genie from Aladdinsized and those are still too big i just couldn't get it right he came through with fucking earrings that's disrespectful no it felt like miss cleo a little it wouldn't have been as bad if everybody
else there was also dressed up but the fact that we walked in and everybody was in a tuxedo yeah
that's what i mean i wore indian clothes the whole way you wore the a tuxedo. Yeah, that's what it was. I wore Indian clothes the whole way. You wore the most
tuxedo version of Indian clothes. You had a black
Indian outfit. Yeah. That's not a tuxedo
at all. You did set us up. That's fucked up.
I wanted y'all to assimilate. Good for you.
We loved it. I loved seeing everybody
in those clothes. Why don't you just tell us the right day to do it?
What made it worse is that we were late.
We couldn't get a chair.
So we were just the only motherfuckers standing.
I wasn't late. Don't put that on me.
I wasn't late.
Why was I late?
Because you were taking a shit, and we was waiting on you.
No, stop it.
Stop it.
We didn't even ride together.
What are you talking about?
We all had to, son.
We ride together.
We die together.
Bad boy.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car.
You had your own car. You had your What time does the reception start? We supposed to go in before you? That's crazy.
It's a whole ass cocktail hour.
Were y'all at the cocktail hour?
I was at the cocktail hour.
I was at the cocktail hour.
I had some amazing cocktails.
It was like some of the most memorable cocktails I've ever had in my life. I was at the cocktail hour.
We had caviar.
We had a whole thing.
You didn't want to drink too much.
Out of respect.
That's another thing.
I didn't want to drink too much. Out of respect. Out's another thing. I didn't want to drink too much, bro.
Out of respect.
It's a good save.
So, yeah.
That's a good save.
But that's when I was out there.
I was just doing my thing.
You know what I mean?
That's a good save.
And then I came.
When we came back in, when you guys were making your entrance,
we were, you know, that was on us.
What?
That was on us.
But we got there.
We eventually got there.
Vala did tell us also that brown people are always late.
Oh, yeah.
Vala said that y'all are always late.
So it didn't matter.
Yeah, he did say that.
I was super racist that he said that.
Yeah, it was all about Vala.
He did say this.
Gully, gully, chore.
Pakistan chore.
Gully, gully, chore.
Pakistan chore. Gully, gully Jordan! Pakistan Jordan!
Gully gully Jordan!
Pakistan Jordan!
Gully gully Jordan!
Pakistan Jordan!
Gully gully Jordan!
Pakistan Jordan!
RAP! RAP! RAP! RAP! RAP! RAP! RAP!
Woo! Woo!
This shit is fire.
Yeah!
I think we need instruments, bro.
Yeah, we need that.
We're not a band.
It's like the Punjabi 85 South Shore.
85 Far East.
So yeah, most of it was Vala's fault, if anything.
I believe that.
That that's a fact.
I'm inclined to believe it.
He made his intentions known.
Yeah.
Early on.
Pulled up in war color, son.
For your day.
Crazy dog.
For your day. Crazy, bro. And he was on the bubble for the invite
He was a 17th seed
If we honest
I just met this man
I was like I like him
I'm inviting my wedding
And then he pulled up declaring war from day one
That's wild
That is super fucking wild
That's unreal
Should we just fuck him up?
We should just fuck him up.
Yo, we should just fuck Val up one time, bro.
We should just fuck this guy up.
Yo, son.
We got to switch topics.
You know who we definitely got to fuck up?
Who?
Miles, son.
Why Miles?
Oh, my God, son.
Miles is the biggest fucking idiot.
I can't wait till he gets in here
This guy is so fucking stupid
It's unbelievable
Remember when I said Miles would fuck a rake
Miles would let the rake fuck him
It's unbelievable
That being said he's looking handsome as fuck
Now that he's losing weight
It's a problem for you
I've never seen bullying work this effectively in my life
Bullying works
Miles will pick up something.
It was like a fig bar.
Fig Newton.
It wasn't even that unhealthy.
Who would eat a fig Newton in front of me?
You smacked it out of his hand.
Yes, I did.
Look at him smacking him in his lips.
Next time, I'm going to slap him right in his face front.
You hurt his feelings the way it hurts me.
He's eating dessert.
You're like, oh, you're a little fat boy, huh?
It's sad. It's like sad
It's honestly sad
But it works
That motherfucker's getting skinny
You can see his chin again
He looks handsome as fuck
He's Gosling bro
When he's skinny
That's Miles Gosling
Yeah
Anyway
This fucking idiot
So I
I love Miles
I love him
Okay
It sounds like you do
But
But
Listen
There's a reason why he's here
Motherfucker
Dedicated his life to this shit
right yeah he he was i don't know if you guys know miles but we started working miles we're
doing a turn your phone videos right right he was cooking up these uh images for it they're
absolutely great we get him to quit his job to do the netflix special with no protection that there
will be a job afterwards right i mean he poured his heart and soul into that god we got we didn't
have we had to make room for him. We had to make room for him.
We literally had to make room for him, and then he ends up running the show.
We restructured some things.
We're like, Miles, it's yours.
You tell them all what to do.
Man, shit, did a fucking absolutely amazing job.
So much so that we were searching for the editor, right,
who's going to be the flagrant editor, blah, blah, blah.
And I said, listen, we can't leave this guy alone.
He did a video for, he did a submission.
It was horrible.
But this guy dedicated so much of his life, took a big risk.
We're like, we got to hire him.
He would legit sleep here for like nights in a row.
Just sleep here on the floor.
He still has a cot here today that he sleeps.
It's unbelievable.
This is getting too nice.
This is getting way too nice.
Okay, well, we got to build it up.
We got to build it up.
This is really nice.
We're going to build it up.
We'll take it down.
So if you were wondering who won the Flagrant Editor Contest, it's Miles.
That being said, we do have Vala from the same competition, right?
And Chifty.
Well, we'll get there.
We'll get there.
So we have Vala from the same competition.
Vala is one of the people that was submitting an absolutely amazing content.
So now we picked up Vala.
Vala is on the team right now, right?
We're looking for someone to help us out this summer.
We obviously got the big tour this summer.
So we're like, who else was submitting for the video contest, for the editing contest?
There was this kid, Shifty, right? That we thought was absolutely amazing.
Okay?
And we're like,
let's see what he's doing this summer.
Okay?
He was already doing some videos for us.
He was already doing some videos
for WTF Media Studios.
We were always sending him
like Brilliant Idiots clips
and that kind of stuff.
Maybe he'll move out here this summer.
So we hit him up.
We're like,
the kid, you're fucking great.
How old are you?
He's like, I'm 18 years old.
I just graduated high school.
Amazing.
Okay? Tells me this story that i thought was really cool he's working at fucking home depot right right says to his boss at home deep he goes what do you want out of this what are you trying
to do what are you gonna do he goes well honestly i'd really love to work for schultz studios that's
like my dream and his boss at home depot goes uh, there's no way that'll ever happen.
Why don't you be a little more realistic?
Like out of a fucking high school movie.
Yeah.
Right?
And then last week he gets to walk into his boss's office and quit saying he's going to work for Schultz Studios.
Moves across the country.
That's fine.
Comes here.
Now, we know he's coming.
A week before he comes,
fucking idiot Miles,
Miles Gosling,
goes, hey guys, I just want to give you some useless piece of information.
Guys, have I given you some useless information yet?
Hey, guys.
So, guys, are you familiar with Shifty's sexuality?
That's Miles.
We go, no.
Why would we be familiar with sexuality?
He goes, well, I think he might be gay.
We go, well, why would you think he's gay?
Like, you talk to him or something like that?
He goes, no, he posted something on his story.
There was like an image of like a pro-LGBT bi.
He was like pro-bi.
Like, I've never seen anybody pro-bi, but he was like pro-bi.
Right.
Or something like that.
And we're like, well, fuck. Well, if he's pro-bi, but he was like, pro-bi. Right. Or something like that. And we're like, well, fuck.
Well, if he's pro-bi, he's got to be gay, I guess.
Okay.
So he goes, well, I just wanted to let you guys know that and make sure everything's good.
Yeah.
And we're like, yeah, well, we don't care, but, you know, whatever.
We were some wild boys who say a lot of words.
And, you know, we'll just make sure he's comfy with it.
So all of a sudden, the fucking avalanche begins.
Miles brings me aside.
He goes, bro, he he's young it's a new
generation like they're a little bit more sensitive with like words and ideas maybe you want to like
pull him aside and kind of like talk to him and like just make sure that he's comfortable when
he comes here and i'm like hi i guess i mean like he's just gonna hear it and then get comfortable
he's not gonna get comfortable dove comes up and he goes i think we should have him sign an nda
if anything goes south here,
I don't want it to get back on us.
He's a young kid. He's a new generation. They don't like
any words. He probably doesn't even have his
pronouns. They're in his body.
Everybody's fucking spiraling. Come back to
Miles. Miles is like, I'm going to pick him up at the airport
just in case there's any gay hate out there or something like that.
We just want to make sure that he gets home safe.
He thought the Proud Boys were going to come and scoop him up for some reason.
We're waiting for Shifty at them.
Another game moving to New York.
We'll put a stop to it now.
Yeah.
Right?
So, meanwhile, the whole time, Al's just like, can we still say the word we like to say?
That's a fact.
How do we get around this, right?
Say that's a fact?
90s Al was having a problem.
90s Al was in the spiral.
We're sitting around around the kid comes in
super sweet kid
right
sits down
right
we're all hanging out
right
all of us are around the table
waiting for
me
to ask
also doing the gayest activity ever
watching soccer
we're watching soccer
super gay
trying to trick him
trying to trick him
see if he was really into it
right
wasn't falling for the bait
so we're sitting there and we're just trying to have a conversation.
And we're just like, yeah, so what's up?
Like, how's everything going?
And like, Mark's got this shit in my head where I need to like make sure he's okay with
bad words and shit like that, right?
So I'm like, yo, I just want to let you know, like, we're some wild boys over here, right?
And I realize now, like, that sounds super gay.
That sounds gay.
We're some wild boys. Like, you might get your dick sucked working out hey you know what i mean tell your cousin though if he's looking for a job um but um
so we're like no i'm just like yo we're some wild boys like you know we say like crazy shit like you
listen to a podcast he's like yeah yeah yeah and then he says this to me he goes i noticed there's
like one word you don't say and then we're like oh like what do you
mean he goes well yeah you bleep the you know maggot with it with an f yeah and i go well yeah
you know we don't you know yeah we don't like say you know i mean like you get in trouble for that
word you think he's being like what's that about his moment right yeah so i'm he's like yeah but
like you don't believe the m word and we're like well only al says it he's allowed to say it and
then he goes well if there was a gay person here,
would you feel more comfortable saying that word?
Oh, my God.
We were all licking our lips.
I'm facing away, but the moment he brings this up, I go.
Skrrt!
He's like on the school bus, bro.
I'm just staring at Andrew.
I'm like, oh, yeah, it's coming.
I'm locked in, right?
I don't know where to go.
I'm like, is he fucking with me right now don't know where to go i'm like is he
fucking with me right now is he trying to go over the top like is he going over the top and then
like as a way to get me super comfortable because he's gonna prove how comfortable he is with it
right you know some kind of crazy shit i don't know what's going on but it's next level psychological
warfare that gen z is aware of for us boomers or not okay so i'm like all right how do i handle it
i'm like like nah you, we just kind of wild.
Al's the wildest.
You know, I just want to let you know Al's racist.
Right?
So I'm starting to get into the area of hate.
Like, Al's racist.
So he might make fun of your ass.
Like, what are you?
He's like, oh, I'm like a quarter Mexican.
I was like, oh, he's going to make fun of you.
And then we start piling on with the racism to get us, ease us into it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Open the door.
Exactly.
And then we tease him.
We're like, hold on, you're Mexican and you work at Home Depot inside?
Good fucking joke.
That's a good joke.
And Al's kind of leaning in and we're trying to get there.
We're trying to get there and it's just nothing's getting close.
So I just go, yo, it's going to be a crazy summer.
You know what I mean?
Girl's about to go, wow, New York, you got a girl and shit?
No, no.
We start teasing.
We start teasing Mark.
We go like, oh, Mark,
you're not the youngest anymore.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
And then we're like,
yeah, you know,
you're about to steal
all Mark's hoes
because Mark can't get laid anymore.
And he goes,
man, I just lost my virginity
like three months ago.
And we're like,
and then he goes,
well, it depends
what you count as virginity.
And I'm like,
oh, no.
Yeah.
We're back.
We are back.
Because remember,
we're thinking bye. You know what I mean? So maybe you were pushing some pussies when you were younger, but now Yeah. We're back. We are back. Because remember, we're thinking bye.
You know what I mean?
So maybe you were pushing some pussies when you were younger, but now you're getting your
shit pushed in at 18, right?
Yeah.
We're back.
So we don't know what the fuck is going on.
Right?
So I just go, fuck it, bro.
I just go, so what?
You got a girl or whatever? And he goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just go, so what, you got a girl or whatever?
And he goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm like, how long have you had your girl?
He goes, I've been with her for four years.
So I just go, hold on.
So you're not gay, yo?
He goes, no.
Why would you think I'm gay?
And then I doubled down because it still wasn't a good enough answer for me.
I was like, yo, did you lose your virginity to a guy or a girl?
I was being super explicit.
I was like, make that shit clear, bro.
Ain't all that good.
Like, what was it?
Be honest.
And he's looking at us, mad perplexed.
He's like, what the fuck?
So this whole time, by the way, Dove is in The Brilliant Idiot studio
On a business call
On a Zoom call right
So he got no clue
What's going on right
He don't know
That Chifty came out
The closet
Went back in
In the same half hour
Right
Three or four times
Right
So
We're not gay
We're like Miles
Why the fuck you think he's gay
And then Miles
Was like the most woke
Sweet
Like liberal
Like everybody all love
He's like
Why was he posting That gay shit On his Instagram who's like the most woke, sweet, like liberal, like everybody all love, he's like,
why was he posting that gay shit on his Instagram?
Right?
Immediately, right?
Cut that homo shit out, son.
Why was you beating on homo for no reason on your Instagram story?
So we go, you sure you're not?
Yeah, yeah, bro.
I don't know what the fuck you guys are talking about. All right, not? Yeah, yeah, bro.
I don't know what the fuck you guys are talking about.
All right.
So he's not gay, bro.
Tear up the NDA.
You know, that's good.
Dove pops his head out because he wants me to come on this business call with this guy that's trying to do some business.
I think the call is done, right?
So I just go, Dove, Chifty's not a.
All of a sudden, all of a sudden, the door just slams shut.
Oh my gosh. So officially we welcome Vala and Chifty to the team.
Yay!
Oh, fuck.
What else, guys?
What else?
How low you all make such stands?
I forgot, bro.
I forgot.
You out.
You out.
You out.
You out.
Get out of here, bro.
Get out of here.
Motherfucker was standing whole wet and shit.
We need him.
We need him, bro.
He got that shit.
Thank you, bro.
They're warriors, son. They're warriors He got that shit. Thank you, bro. They're warriors, son.
They're warriors.
You be standing.
Thank you, bro.
Thank you, man.
What's your Instagram
so people can book you?
Navdeep Kundi.
And then spell it for him.
N-A-V-P-D-E-P-K-U-N-D-I.
Wait, I should have
spelled it for him
because you know
we the spelling champions.
Oh!
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Come back here, son. You know what time it is my God. Wait a minute. Come back here, son.
Come back here, son.
Come back here, son. You know what time it is, bro.
Hit the Y.
You know what time it is.
Listen.
India took some L's this weekend. They lost one Hindu
and they lost the spelling bee.
India getting bodied out here, bro.
What was that?
Hey, listen.
I think the rating is going to be a lot higher next year when we take that shit back.
Nah.
Y'all watch regardless.
We watch regardless.
We got the Serena Williams in there, son.
They never cared before.
But now they're about to care.
Now we're going to care.
And they're going to lose next year.
Once we start caring, we take over, son.
Once we start caring, we take over.
I ain't waiting for you to take over, Spelling Bee.
Bro, it's already been taken over.
It's done.
It's done.
It's done.
Like, it's done.
We got that.
This is bound to happen.
Tennis is done.
This is bound to happen.
Tennis is done.
All real sports is done.
Golf, we took back golf.
Yeah, we gave it back.
Yeah, and do not count soccer because y'all whiffed this weekend for England.
Holy shit.
I thought it was a Black Lives Matter protest when I was watching that thing.
The whole time, I'm like,
come on, black guy.
Come on, black guy.
It was crazy.
And France.
And France.
And France.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Black suck at soccer, yo.
Yo, real talk.
Yeah, because we good at sports.
That's why.
So it's like, we don't play the kickball shit.
Leave it to them.
Running around, getting heart attack.
From one of my favorite movies about racial unity,
White Man Can't Jump,
Sonny Vachon's on a dog's ass sometimes.
Wow.
Sometimes, bro.
Wow.
You gonna make fun of how Stella got her?
Wait, what's the movie where she spells good?
Akilah in the Bean.
Oh, yeah.
Akilah in the Bean.
How Stella got her spelling back.
But it's crazy.
Shorty spells better than Akash and Hoops better than him, too.
Oh, yeah.
She's nice.
She hoops.
She hoops, bro.
She hoops.
Did I ever have a spelling bee champion at Hoops?
She's nice at Hoops.
I don't care if she's better than me at Hoops.
She got you in spelling.
She got you.
Spell Mariah.
Spell Mariah.
M-U-R-R-Y-A-H.
Nope.
Nope.
I made that up.
Wrong.
Wrong.
Legend.
Let your people down again.
Alex, spell Mariah. Me and Mar up. Wrong. Wrong. Let your people down again. Alex, spell Mariah.
Me and Mariah.
Go back like babies in baths of fire.
Yeah, there we go.
All right, you're good.
No, but how do you feel taking that massive L?
Nah, that shit was an L.
But we're going to be all right.
No, no, no, no.
You can't win them all.
Be honest, bro.
Let your racism fly. That shit hurt, but we But we could be alright. No, no, no. Be honest, bro. Let your racism fly.
That shit hurt, but we could be alright.
If I'm being racist, it's better a black person
than another Asian.
Okay, I like it. I'll take it.
I'm actually happy as a black.
I would have hated the most a white person.
Then I would have been competitively
annoyed if it was another Chinese.
I don't think Chinese can spell.
I don't think they can spell. I don't think
they can spell well. I assume they do well enough.
Academically, that's...
Academically, though, that's our
main competition. L's and R's might be a little bit...
But they don't have English in their language. You guys are learning
English from a young age. You go to India, there are
people there that speak English. But I'm just saying
academically, if they took spelling, we'd be like,
oh, fuck. Black people,
that's the least that's
you got nothing now all you got is that little fake baseball shit you put y'all got fake baseball
all right all right guys we're gonna take a break for a second because you nerds keep falling asleep like those Indians did at that spelling bee. Be gone, yo.
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second
because you nerds keep falling asleep, okay?
Dorks, you can't fall asleep while playing your video games.
We need you playing those games so you don't shoot up schools.
You shoot up people during Call of Duty.
You do whatever the fuck you do at Fortnite.
I'll tell you what you're not doing.
It's playing with tits.
But if you're going to stay up all night playing video games you're gonna do with the best supplements
in the game you know what those are gamer subs okay gamer subs by far the best in the business
sometimes we're using it when we're up editing late and by we i mean miles okay miles is all
about the gamer subs you can't see him right. He's probably passed out after being up on gamer subs for 24 hours straight.
It's literally the best.
Let me tell you why it's the best.
It's the best because, one, it's keto-friendly, Al.
It's keto-friendly.
Calorie-free, bro.
It's calorie-free.
It's got the nootropics that help you sharpen your focus and increase reaction time,
exactly what you need while you're gaming.
They've got zero sugar. sharpen your focus and increase reaction time. Exactly what you need while you're gaming. They
got zero sugar. They've got organic caffeine to maximize energy and endurance. They've got no
fillers. Okay. So it has better nutritional value. They have six of the body's most crucial vitamins
and minerals, and they have electrolytes because you need to stay hydrated while you're sitting in
the chair using minimal energy as you do gaming.
You know what the craziest thing is?
Those waifu cups that you blend it up in,
those are going for $300 to $500 on eBay.
No way.
These guys just sent us some.
I thought it was just like a little dork capsule.
You know what I mean?
These guys are into anime or whatever corny shit
because those are the only girls that they can pretend to sleep with.
But it's got underboob on the back, bro.
These hornballs will pay you $500 for one of those fucking cups.
Also, if you go to gamersubs.gg and use the code flagrant at checkout,
you're getting 10% off your order.
Again, that's gamersubs, G-A-M-E-R-S-U-P-P-S.gg.
Use the promo code flagrant.
Get that 10% off.
Let's get back to it.
Is our coffee here?
I think we got here like 20 minutes ago.
I bet.
You're just making him a servant too
wow
it's amazing what happened
just snapping him next time
just call him Chaiwala
Chaiwala
can you get
he just called you
Chaiwala bro
yo
have we told that story
in the pod
I don't know
we did it
that shit's so funny
yo Vala says
we're all walking in and Mark is trying to like tease Vala a little bit.
Right.
And we're just walking into the studio.
And then Vala turns to me in front of Mark and he goes, yo, should I just fuck this guy
up?
Like Mark had no say in the matter as if you just have to stand there and fucking.
Vala, can you go?
Vala could go.
Oh, he could go.
He could go. This kid looks can go. He can go.
Oh, yeah.
This kid is angry, bro.
He looks scrappy.
He got it in him.
This kid is angry, dog.
I can tell.
You can look at him.
I like that.
Oh, fuck.
All right, man.
Well, look.
That was a long-ass intro, man.
We were hoping for that to be like 10 minutes.
I think we're 59 minutes into the podcast.
But we got some shit to talk about.
It seems like you're not trying to dig into your loss in this spelling bee, bro.
Yeah.
Having a French girl bee, you guys.
Yo, chill out, chill out, chill out.
What?
She's French.
She's French.
Why is she French?
She's French.
Her name is Avant-Garde.
Avant-Garde.
Oh, yeah.
She's as French as Marcus French.
Yeah, we're French, dog.
That's how French is.
We're French.
No, she just got a French name, but she's not French at all.
Black people do appropriate French names, though.
You got a lot of Piers.
Okay, we'll take that.
Avant-Garde, is that her name?
I mean, they got some fire names.
I'll give them that.
Oh, this shit is lit when you wear it above the ears, too.
Oh, yeah.
Like a bitch.
You look retarded right now.
What if I hit that shit?
Oh, oh.
What if I do that?
His ears are so red because they've been held down.
It's unbelievable, bro.
I felt like a Chinese girl in the 1600s, bro.
They literally wrap the shit so tight around my ears.
Nah, but that's disrespectful.
What, this one?
Yeah, this is a crown, bro.
Come on, it's a crown.
Well, crowns are 360s.
Nah, but it's disrespectful.
Ain't nobody supposed to touch it with your hands.
Nah, come on, son.
You disrespecting the Yankees.
Okay.
But you do it anyway.
Nah, but don't disrespect.
Come on.
I read the rules. I read the rules. You already got married, son. Don't be texting anyway. Nah, but don't disrespect. Come on. I read the rules.
I read the rules.
You already got married, son.
Nobody texted you.
You're good.
You don't have to look at your phone for another two years.
Yeah, you're right.
What happens in two years?
Nothing.
I didn't think.
I wasn't saying nothing.
I was just using two years to arbitrate.
You make it seem like I was saying divorce.
I know.
I wasn't even thinking that.
I was thinking, why you only say two years?
Oh, I don't know.
Let's take a break and reset.
This I keep on.
Do you know what this is called?
It's called the Ramal.
I could rock the Ramal.
Ramal works.
That's what you can wear in the Gurdwara if you don't want to wear the
full pug.
Yo, am I a jut?
Are you a jot?
You're not a jot.
I said it right, right? jot? A jot. You're not a jot. I'm a jot? No, you're not a jot.
You said it correctly.
I said it right, right?
They said it wrong.
Stupid.
Both of y'all are jut.
We jut.
Mark's not sick because he's gay.
Yeah.
Wait, what do you mean?
I'm sick?
No, you're not sick.
Am I a jot?
Yeah, you're a jot.
I was the first jot.
You're the OG.
I'm the OG.
You're the OG jot?
But are you a jot?
I'm a jot now, baby.
Come on, jot, baby.
What do I have to do to be a jot?
Look at you. Stop now baby come on judge. What do I do?
Do believe it they're earlier
Why not I get my cock early on Thursday. I don't suck cocks on Thursday. No, he leave. Why not? I get my cock sucked on Thursday.
Whoa, dude. My God.
My God.
Whoa, dude.
Oh, okay.
Shit, man.
Almost made me take off my remal.
It was getting hot in here, bro.
It was getting super hot.
Yo, they caught Dove on the TV real quick.
They caught Dove on YouTube shopping during the podcast.
Because sometimes his computer be getting into the watch and they
screenshot that shit yo why don't shop and turn the box what are you trying to buy
i think you were trying to buy the outfit for the uh oh yeah it's just tabs of amazon and people at
the wedding could just see the creases from the bag it comes in. They're like, Amazon purchase? Amazon purchase?
I'm telling you, we don't look that closely.
It looked good. Nah, y'all look close.
Because I was getting compliments. He got none.
Y'all be looking.
Akash's wife said,
you look great. You almost look like the hero. She wanted to almost say that, which
I guess is like the one.
I was so afraid. Like if she said,
you look too good, too good.
You shouldn't outshine you.
You look fantastic.
Yeah, the fact that I.
Yo, where, what planet is he from?
I don't know.
What planet is he from?
It must have been the mushrooms or something.
What?
I was worried I was going to outshine you.
What?
Which in fairness, Al has been saying that all week.
Yeah.
Let's just be clear.
No, but I almost did.
I almost did.
Before the wedding,
Al goes,
I'm afraid I'm going
to outshine everybody.
That looks good.
You weren't even close.
You weren't even close.
I'm telling you.
When y'all were like,
when y'all were like,
when y'all were like,
I'm going to outdress you.
It's your day.
It's your day.
I don't want to kill you.
I swear to God,
I think I said,
he could get work.
I swear to God,
I think I said, that's cute. Tell him what you say you look like. Tell him what you say you look like. Go ahead, say it. Tell him what you say you look like. I think I said it's over. He could get work. I swear to God, I think I said that's cute.
Tell him what you say he look like.
Tell him what you say he look like.
Go ahead.
Tell him what you say he look like.
I didn't say it.
He look like a black and mild.
That's what he said.
Most fire shit to smoke.
Hey, most fire shit to smoke.
Nah.
He came looking like the Chinese slippers that they give you at the fucking salon.
Day one or day two? Both. Day one or day two?
Both
Day one or day two?
Second day was better
Second day
First day
That was all fucker
They thought you were getting gay married son
On a ceremony day
Because you had the beads
Covering your face
Oh yeah
And you were being presented
Usually it's the bride
In Muslim culture
Short term
No but in Muslim culture
The bride is covered her face
And then it gets revealed
That's why the towel shit with Connor.
Your wife's a towel, mate.
Remember, she's fully covered.
What's the meaning of that?
That's a Punjabi thing they told me to do,
and they were like, you don't have to do it the whole time.
And I was like, I don't know.
Everybody who's on the podcast,
you're going to see the exhaustion of not knowing
and being tired of not knowing.
Bro, just Google it one time. I'm going to Google it for you. He refused to Google it. I'm going to Google it for you right now. You won't even support the exhaustion of not knowing and being tired of not knowing. Bro, just Google it one time.
I'm going to Google it for you.
He refused to Google it.
I'm going to Google it for you right now.
You don't even support the Indian CEO of Google, son.
The least you can do is use his platform.
Son, it's too much to know.
It's too much to know.
I give you that for the wedding because you had a lot of shit to memorize for that ceremony.
So much.
And then there's so many little things that go into it.
You're just like, dude, just tell me what to do.
I'll do it. That's all I need to like what what is the significance is too much there's
no way i'm gonna remember it anyway son i heard that you're not supposed to see the bride that
whole tradition of not seeing the bride before the ceremony is for arranged marriages so you
don't see how they look and turn away yeah is that true that's what i heard that's why your face is
covered everybody's covered it's like hey reveal right there when y'all getting married.
Because Indians gave us that shit.
That's a cultural thing that Indians gave to the rest of the world.
Weddings?
No, it's not seeing the bride before.
No, not seeing the bride.
Because imagine if before the wedding you had to tell your girl,
like, no, you look great.
You look awesome.
It's a gift that we get to just wait, and she's got to get ready on her own.
Yeah.
I see what you're saying.
So thank you.
I've never heard that. Learn something about your culture everybody i know who got married like my parents
generation they all met once and they could say yes or no what he said that's why he can't get
the information he can't spell it i know i'm struggling these days i'm struggling these now
now i i've never heard that my parents have the craziest arranged marriage story which is they You can't spell it right. I know. I'm struggling these days. I'm struggling these days. Nah. Nah.
I've never heard that.
My parents have the craziest arranged marriage story, which is they didn't know they were getting married until the day of.
My dad didn't.
That's fine.
But every other, even couples their age are like, what?
Yeah.
Yo, this guy's crazy.
Stop.
Stop.
Yo, you are crazy.
Yo, I was crazy.
All right.
I was fucking insane. Now he's taking a break. You are. He's a wild boy. Yo, I was crazy. All right. I was fucking insane, son.
Now he's taking a break.
He's a wild boy.
Yo, you're a wild boy.
Real shit?
You're a wild boy.
I'm a wild boy, son.
I'm one of the wildest boys I ever seen, son.
Stop it.
You know whatever he's about to say, it was his.
He did it.
This guy started dancing with my mom, son.
Okay.
Okay.
Did you not?
He came up behind my mom doing Puerto Rican moves, bro.
Hey, she's throwing it back.
She was, though.
Yeah, she was.
That's why my dad wanted to leave.
Oh, you made him leave.
Yeah, my dad is, I'm tired of these black guys dancing with my girl
because he forgets every time.
It just seems like more black guys are just coming to this dance.
How many black guys
I want you to guess what your dad said to me on my wedding day and the day after when I saw him I'll take one guess. Um
If you want to come out to the beach, yeah
Now I just points at me this goes Fire Island
Oh, that's funny.
It's his go-to thing.
Now he just points at me and just goes, Fire Island.
It's so funny, dude.
Because my dad remembers like three conversation points.
One is like how expensive real estate is.
Two is an invitation to the beach house.
And then three is how did you guys meet?
Like if you're with your girl, how did you guys meet?
Those are the three things he always goes to.
He's the sweetest dude on earth. Well, we got to take him up on it.
If he's invited you this many times, it's rude that you haven't taken him up.
That's facts.
Yeah, that's facts.
That's facts.
Why are you going to indulge him?
I'm going to inconvenience this guy,
you know what I mean?
Indulge him, bro.
He's inviting you.
I'll go to Far Island this summer.
That's what I'm talking about.
Wild boy.
You coming?
I'm going to see my mom in a bathing suit
with the hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, I
Look Wally races doing that in these outfits. Oh, yeah. That's funny.
We defend ourselves on social media.
We're not making fun of Native Americans.
We're not making fun of the Indians.
We're making fun of how big my mom is.
We're trying to fuck my mom.
I'm not being racist.
I'm being incestuous.
Yeah, it's incestuous.
Insensitive to Southerners. That's what it is. You kind of look like a pirate right now, dog. I'm being incestuous. Yeah, it's incestuous. Insensitive to southerners.
That's what it is.
Bro.
Yeah, you kind of look like a pirate right now, dog.
I am a pirate, son.
Yeah. I'm a pirate, dude.
I got the Kirby swords.
Oh, that's a good point.
Right?
The warriors.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
They're out here.
See him sell a beam and shit.
Are there sailors?
Are there Indian sailors?
Yes.
Oh, there was?
Yeah.
Oh, who?
The Peshawari. Yes Oh there was? Yep Oh who? The person
Oh also
This guy's crazy
Al you are a wild boy
You are the wildest boy
You are so wild
Al you are a wild fucking boy
Point to the wilder
Son I'm going to speak You better chill out Wild fucking lord Point to the wild Son
I'm gonna speak
You better chill out
Son you crazy
You are the craziest
Wild boy I ever seen
In my life
Oh my gosh
Andrew was inspired
By her wedding
And for his wedding
He's gonna be taking
Some of the customs
Yes I am
Oh fire
Which ones
Which ones was I gonna do
Which ones was I gonna do
Well you're doing Some of the Hindu ones Yes You're gonna do the Which ones was I going to do?
Well, you're doing some of the Hindu ones.
Yes.
You're going to do the fire.
Going to do the fire.
Yeah.
What's the fire?
I didn't see no fire.
That was at the other one. That was at the one y'all weren't invited to.
Yeah, the one that Andrew wasn't allowed to go to.
I was there.
I was there.
You don't think I got that Zoom link?
Okay.
I was there for the whole fucking thing.
Yeah, just Jeffrey Toob Jeffrey Tooba's house.
Put out the fire.
Looking at his cousin.
I moved the screen to Ahmed and I was just beaten away.
Son, you've met him before.
Huh?
He was at the old studio.
Sat in for a full ass episode.
I would remember.
I was hoping we would talk about how he was there.
Maybe he didn't have a haircut.
I literally, I wanted to grab his face like that and just squeeze his lips together.
Yeah.
He probably didn't grow into his beauty yet.
Yeah.
Yo, if we find this guy on social, we should shout out his IG.
Nah, nah, nah.
Nah, nah, nah.
That's mine.
That's mine.
That's mine.
All these crew checks that you get in there, we never going to give them to you.
Save it for the set, bro.
Yeah, dawg.
Amit underscore R-A-G-H-U-B. Nah, that's group pussy, son. That's group pussy. Bleep that. That's group pussy. Yeah, that's us, bro. Yeah, dawg. Amit underscore R-A-G-H-U-B.
Nah, that's group pussy, son.
That's group pussy.
Yeah, that's us.
Only crew love, dawg.
Yeah.
Come on, yo.
Take this guy some clothes, bro.
Nah, nah, nah.
He don't got a girl?
Nah.
Oh, he gay.
Oh, my God.
That motherfucker too pretty to be straight.
I'm sorry.
Hey.
Nah, he's too pretty to be straight.
Let's get him some hot dudes, then.
I didn't realize how I'm sitting.
This shit look racist.
I thought you were about to start floating any second now, bro.
Holy shit.
Why didn't you tell me?
You better float away.
Good money.
You're fitting in.
You're good.
Son, you don't realize how privileged we are in the first world, son,
where they got right and left sneakers.
Yeah.
Son, that's a privilege you didn't realize you had.
In India, they just got sneakers.
And switch them either way. It doesn't matter. Yeah, we can't adjust to your foot. That's amazing privilege you didn't realize you had. In India, they just got sneakers. And switch them either way.
It doesn't matter.
Yeah, we can't adjust to your foot.
That's amazing, son.
Yeah.
Save a lot of money that way, though.
Yeah.
You don't got to make all these different kind of shoes.
That's what we're trying to do all the time.
Also, I do want to apologize to the tuk-tuk driver, the rickshaw guy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because Al tried to set me up to try to take out the whole wedding.
Oh, I tried to set you up.
Him and Miles, they are two kids.
And they're like, oh, my God, let's get a picture in the fucking car or whatever. I did that, too. What's wrong with that? Oh, I tried to set you up. Him and Miles, they are two kids and they're like, oh my god,
let's get a picture in the fucking car or whatever.
I did that too. What's wrong with that? Yeah, you're a child too.
Just children.
I have photo evidence.
You know, like we're at a fucking wedding.
I get my pic real quick. I want to be respectful, obviously.
So I jumped off and the owl's like, no, no, no.
Jump back in. Get back in. We'll take another picture.
And so the Tuk Tuk is here
and there's probably 400 people behind the Tuk Ttuk in like perfect uh like lined up right behind it and then me and
miles jump in and then al pushes it and it starts rolling why are you trying to put this on me
miles put the shit in neutral and i should just start rolling and it almost took out a few of
your aunties yeah wow yeah people were screaming and running out of the way so i want to apologize
for that my mom got hurt there.
Probably because of your horseplay.
From the tuk-tuk?
She got hurt there.
And then she got hurt at the reception.
Poor lady fell.
We thought she broke her wrist, but she did not.
Did she get x-rayed?
She got x-rayed.
Luckily, it's negative.
She's okay.
Oh.
But what a warrior, though.
That's fucked up, though.
She fell dancing and then jumped back up and kept dancing.
Son, I didn't even know.
I didn't even know until I saw her after.
You're a bad son.
When I saw her on the bus, I was like, what the fuck is going on?
Bad son. Now, she wouldn't tell me. Well, I saw her wrapped up I saw her on the bus I was like What the fuck is going on Bad son Now she wouldn't tell me
Well I saw her wrapped up
And like as I'm on stage
And they're doing speeches
I'm like what's going on
I think I got off stage
When I checked on her
Oh yeah
Yeah Andrew didn't see it either
Because he was late
You could have saved her
You could have stood behind her
Maybe caught her as she fell
But instead you let her
Fall to the ground
That's fucked up
The hard New Jersey soil
How dare you Son I will fuck you up She fell but instead you let her fall to the ground hard, New Jersey soil
Bring him into the studio and then just put him on those like like old timey punishment things when you're in the middle of the square?
The stocks?
The stocks.
Let's put him on the stocks.
Are you talking about what William Wallace got put on? Yeah.
Yo, Al, you're crazy, son.
This guy's too wild, son.
Fucking, you are a fucking racist Stop
I'm telling you stop
I'm telling you stop
Yo this guy is so crazy
He's a wild boy
He's just a wild boy
He's a wild boy
Alright
He's a wild boy
Alright bro
Let's take a break and regroup all right guys we're gonna take a break for a second because
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10% body fat or less for the tour.
This is very important.
Everybody got to get under 10%.
Oh, shit.
Okay.
Val is swelling up.
This guy is swelling up.
I'm there.
For real.
No, it's true.
Don't say that.
Swelling up.
It doesn't remind me.
I'll take it.
I'm swelling up. 10% or less, dude. or less dude we are superstars we're rock stars bro
we got to be shredded on this i came back from miami son i've barely seen the gym i need to
get my ass back into a dog you gotta be under 10 okay what are you gonna say what what are you
gonna be at i have to carry a little more weight because this is son i ain't getting married to
lose weight i'm gonna tell you that shit right now dude come on all right fine just the camera guys under 10 body fat okay just to be behind the
camera yeah it's part of the brand that we're like a little you know bigger yeah that's what
it is we're getting a little bigger we're showing a little bit more success we're doing a more third
world yeah we come out too skinny they think we pale and fat let's go yeah and gout yeah we all
got gout bro fuck you going vola not to work out yeah gout boys dog yo we the gout boys gout boys
yeah anyway so i was a wild boy let's get into it bro we got we got a lot of shit going on dogs
we got americans fake caring about cuba um what y'all think about that what y'all fake caring
about today yeah what do you think about that the fake caring about cuba i y'all think about that? What y'all fake caring about today?
Yeah.
What do you think about that?
The fake caring about Cuba?
I just thought,
I thought it was interesting.
They're protesting in Cuba.
Well,
yeah,
that's where I'm like,
that's interesting with the protest in here.
Yeah.
Okay.
Oh,
protesting something.
Who gives a fuck?
That's a swap me.
That's just swap me.
A bunch of Cubans getting together,
bro.
That's nothing.
Yeah. Well,
we got to support it.
Those are people.
They took care of us when we were down in Miami.
So we rock with the Cubans.
For sure.
But what I'm curious about is why this is becoming like a national news story.
Right?
Like the American press has given us a lot of juice.
That's a good point.
Because I will say, when I said the first time in 25 years, I was like, that's kind
of a long time.
Yeah, 25 years is kind of long.
It's not so.
I thought it was like fucking 75, 80.
Like, I thought since Castro's in power,
you're not really gonna fucking protest.
90 was like Elian, dog. Yeah, there were
protests in the 90s. I don't know why, but that's 25
years ago. Son, I got the feeling.
I got the feeling, and
just because I scrolled Reddit, I got this feeling.
Oh, I think we got the same feeling. Okay.
This is America
trying to sure up the Western Hemisphere.
Color Revolution.
This what?
Color Revolution.
They go in.
They're just like, all right, swap out the guards.
America's like, all right, the jig is up.
Oh, I thought Color Revolution.
Okay.
I thought there was more of like a racial undertone.
No, no, no.
Okay.
But America's going to go in and they're going to like pluck out the dictator,
put in their guy.
Yes.
And then lock them all in.
I wonder if
Haiti's got something
to do with this as well.
Because China's been trying
to make their way
into the West, right?
They've been trying to make
their way into the Caribbean.
They've had like
five different countries there
sign on to like the belt,
the Belt and Road Initiative
or something like that.
Yeah.
Basically, what that is,
I'm sure they receive some sort of economic resources,
but the idea is they could like facilitate certain Chinese ideas that they
want.
And I think America is basically going,
all right,
one thing that I read,
it could be absolute bullshit.
It's like,
we're pulling out of the middle East cause it's too expensive.
I think we just left Afghanistan.
Didn't even tell them motherfuckers.
Irish goodbye.
You didn't have your country.
You woke up the next day.
It's yours.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Left a note, maybe.
Maybe.
Just left you to base.
But what's crazy is that people were complaining that, oh, Biden's going to bring us back into war.
And now he's pulling out.
And now people are knocking him for pulling out so quick.
It's like, can't do anything right.
Can't do nothing right.
100%.
You want us to be there or not.
Even the Afghan president was like, they didn't say goodbye.
Motherfucker, what you want?
Salutations, motherfucker. Now we're friends Enjoy your heroin fields
So what people were saying
Is that China is trying to get into the Caribbean
Trying to get their influence into South America
Central America of course makes sense
I'm sure that's what we would do out there in Asia
And maybe we realize okay it's going to be hard to compete
On a global scale
With China.
So we got to do is shore up our
part of the world. So maybe one
way looking at it is like, listen, we got North
America, South America, Central America,
I guess, and Europe, and then
they potentially got the rest.
The tricky thing is the rest could be the Middle
East.
And I don't think
so because we just have so many bases out there so much influence
and so much protection for certain countries that absolutely need it but we got to figure out who
divides that important part if they want to take asia all right i don't think they get india though
i think the u.s is going to try to prop up india and that's a like all jokes aside that's a billion
people just raw numbers yeah 1.4 billion or whatever out of 8 billion on Earth.
I hope India's not the proxy war, to be honest with you.
I hope we don't fight our war with China through India.
That could happen.
But that's dangerous because India's got nukes, bro.
Proxy war's got to happen between people that don't have real weapons or crazy, crazy weapons.
So you still get casualties, but you're not having global economic destruction.
But once a nuke goes off...
Yeah, I thought it would be over Africa.
I thought we were going to try to
get some of that back because China
has almost all of Africa. They just went
all in on Africa. Very smart
also. That's real smart.
Hopefully we took out all the resources and all the
athletes and everything.
Yeah, we got a couple UFC fighters out of that.
Did we get them all safe?
We got them all out safe?
Maybe that's how the U.S. is going to take back Africa.
Hey, we're going to prop up this Western-ass event, UFC,
a lot of spectacle, and y'all are going to be the best at it.
Yo, son, can I be honest with you?
We're going to win that culture war.
Team USA lost to Nigeria.
Basketball.
Yeah.
If I'm China, son, I am propping up the most modernized African nations that are invested
culturally in certain sports that are popular in the West.
Basketball being one of them.
And I'm just dumping bread in.
I'm dumping bread in because it looks horrible For America When we lose In our sports
We lose in soccer
Nobody really give a fuck
But if we start losing
In basketball
Baseball
How the fuck did you lose
To J. Cole's league
Yo J. Cole really a legend bro
J. Cole was dropping buckets
In the league
We can't beat these motherfuckers
Come on dog
Come on yo
Come on bro
This is a disaster
Real problem
How he lose to Nigeria dog Come on Who's on the team It's. This is a disaster. It's a real problem. How are we losing to Nigeria, dog?
Come on, bro.
Who's on the team?
It's not the actual All-Stars, right?
Kevin Durant's on that team.
Dane Lillard on that team.
They lost to Nigeria?
Yeah.
Nigeria hit like 26 threes or something like that.
I don't care.
How do you let them hit 26 threes?
That's a good-ass point, son.
How do you...
You made a good-ass point right there, son. That's a good-ass point. made a good ass point right there That's a good ass point
And I can't even blame the finals
How'd they score more points than our team scored points
That's a good ass point Mark
That's a good ass point son
Tighten up your defense Mark
They were trying to give it up
I'll give it up
They was being some nerds
I'll come through I'll give it to you when you deserve it
Mark don't know sports dog you. You're talking about soccer.
Yeah.
Motherfucker.
Oh, yeah.
You want to talk about that soccer shit?
Oh, no.
Back to what we were talking about, the Cuba thing.
So I think, obviously, anytime there's a freedom fight in Cuba, right?
Same way what happens in Venezuela.
It's like we almost use these countries as reasons for why America shouldn't, and I'm
going to put this in quotes like devolve
into socialism some people might assume that's evolution but it doesn't matter but like they
just stand there so as long as venezuela looks shitty we get to go see what socialism yeah see
what universal health care see yeah i mean don't look over there in europe but like see what happens
you know and and cuba as well like as long as people are suffering in cuba americans like
conservative americans they don't love that they're suffering but they love that they get to
when has communism ever worked exactly yeah exactly it's that same thing and every i mean america's
done it over and over like the most famous one was the uh modern art during the cold war oh you
remember talking about this yeah yeah like i don't know if we talk about it here but like basically
cia was dumping money into, like, modern art.
Like, Jackson Pollock guys,
like, these, like, post-modernists,
like, expressionist guys,
like, some of the real free form
to try to, like, push,
like, create a culture war
against, like, the Russians.
Yeah.
The, like, Russian art is, like,
so structured and brutalist,
but look at us, bro.
We're free.
We're free.
You can do anything.
Like, art is whatever you want it to be.
And that is such an intoxicating idea.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Freedom is so intoxicating idea yeah freedom
is so intoxicating look at our art look at our musical our movies everything is just free but
it's kind of wild that you like completely discredit those artists like right like you
thought that they were like super talented like once in a lifetime i have a gift from god no i
never understood cia boss was just like yeah that fucking weirdo who's just nutting all over the
canvas yeah isn't that crazy that They can dictate what we like.
It is crazy.
And I bet they're even more effective now
with the internet.
Like, back in the day,
you had to convince motherfuckers
with magazines
and they had to, like,
sit there and read.
They're effective
because they own the social media.
Ah.
So you promote the shit that's popping.
Apparently, they're, like,
I read this.
I'm not positive how accurate it is,
but, like, they're blocking TikTok users that users that have like black lives matter in their bio or like they're
suppressing their views and stuff wow like tiktok we know for a fact that they could turn the lever
on academics told us that shit yeah so they can just promote whatever the fuck they want same
thing happened we're witnessing we're falling back into it like first thing happened with music
now the music companies
have complete control who the artists are going to be successful who are like that's back to them
and we're probably going to witness a similar thing happen with social media companies as well
so you think they're going to go do similar to what they did with russia where like something
incredibly american and free becomes like really popular in the art world you never know maybe i
mean like i don't know if jackson pollock and them were seen as like uh universally american but they did seem uh uh
like the complete opposite of what russian art was at the time yes right like uh there was a
and i don't know maybe that they do that maybe they do it here maybe they showcase
i don't know that's a great question And you I want the US To win this war
Because you can
The American government
Is not perfect
By any stretch
But if you think
The Chinese government
Is better to live under
You're a fucking idiot
Yeah
And we need to win this war
And our only real chance
Is culture war
Yo you know what we gotta do
We gotta do what the Jews do
But like the opposite
You know how like
If you're Jewish
You can go to Israel
They'll just pay for your trip
Right
Because they're like
Yo being Jewish is so dope
You don't want to be Jewish
For the rest of your life Oh fuck But we'll pay for your trip To go to China Yeah they'll just pay for your trip. Right. Because they're like, yo, being Jewish is so dope. You don't want to be Jewish for the rest of your life.
Oh, fuck.
But we'll pay for your trip to go to China.
Yeah.
And after you go there, you'll come back.
I will fight for this country with every red blood cell in my body.
Not when you come back.
If you come back.
If you come back.
Right?
We got to start promoting travel.
Get everybody a passport.
See how bullshit this is out there, bro.
Yeah, yeah.
Real talk.
Yo, America's not traveling talk yo they don't know how
shitty the world is you think america does that with korean pop bands what do you mean they're
like yo let's throw a bunch of money at bts let's blow them up crazy because like if we have these
korean guys popping that's gonna piss china off because it's not a korean or not a chinese group
we're gonna make like their enemies pop off uh that's an interesting thing i don't know if
anything i would think that they would promote American-ness, right?
But it does show that we're accepting you go over there.
If you adopt Western light, we'll still let you in here.
You could be the biggest fan in the world.
It doesn't matter if you're Asian.
Anybody in Asia, just come do our stuff.
Are you talking about through a reward structure?
Are you like, I see what you're saying.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Let's put on all of China's enemies.
As long as they conform to American standards of entertainment.
Yes.
Yeah, rock with us.
We'll make you superstars over here and just piss off.
Are there any Chinese superstars?
As far as in China that have bled over?
I don't think so.
Yao Ming.
Yeah, I don't know if China will allow it.
China, it was tough
to get Yao Ming over.
Anytime there's a good
Chinese baseball player,
any other Chinese,
I think it's tough
to get them over.
It's like,
it's tough to get people
from China
because the Chinese government
is like,
nah, that's our guy.
I don't know if they're nice
with baseball like that.
I always thought it was
like Koreans and Japanese.
I remember with Yao,
it was tough to get Yao
to America.
Yeah.
So the Chinese government
was not letting him over
because the government
decides whether or not
you get to come play.
And so it's really tough to get those guys over.
So you're not going to see Chinese superstars in America.
Because China won't let that shit happen.
That's their guy.
So what we can do, to your point, is make everybody else famous in America.
And then get all of their people.
Like if you're Korean, you're looking at BTS.
They're the biggest band in the world.
I love these guys.
And if they're super Western and super into freedom and expression and all that, that's
the culture I want to be a part of. That's the cool culture.
And low-key, there's not as much of a reason
for them to come over. Because you can
get breaded out there. They have
the population. If you're the biggest artist
in Trinidad and
Tobago, you need to break out
somewhere.
The biggest
dance hall artist in Trinidad and Tobago got a day job if he hasn't broken out into at least the other parts
of the caribbean europe america you need the population density at a bare minimum right so
yeah man it's tricky you know what i'm reading this cuba stuff you know what i thought was when
i thought maybe the u.s is doing some some shit is when biden started talking about it then i was like oh maybe this is like a part of they're trying to get
castro out of there and it couldn't have started he's out you're talking about like his family yeah
oh yeah the like the the communist regime out of it yeah and i was wondering if it started eight
years ago when obama was like hey let's start letting people back into cuba that's the beginning
of it oh so let's start letting the West over there. We did a reverse.
Interesting, interesting, interesting, interesting.
Instead of saying, fuck you, communism,
you're not allowed to do business with us. That clearly didn't work.
Castro was still in power. His family was still in power. All right, so let's just open it up.
Let's just get them exposed to the West again.
Let's start doing this thing, and then we'll just get them the fuck out of there.
My understanding was...
Nothing happened with Trump.
Obama to Biden.
There was a gap in between.
That's really interesting.
People were saying that the riots
were about
economic frustration.
Obviously because of COVID, there's spiking
again, not enough vaccines, not enough access
to the hospital.
They're saying it was frustration due to
lives being lost right
and their economy i think is down 10 this is already a depressed economy i'm sure that has
to do with tourism and like a lack of tourism yeah but uh they have a curfew at like nine o'clock
and shit like that and they said a lot of protesters went back at nine but but still i
like that idea like maybe this is the way that you infiltrate you get some spies in there you get and
and low-key it's kind of like payback for what Castro did to us.
Remember when we were like, all right,
we'll let you guys send some people back home?
And he sent all the murderers and rapists and shit like that?
Yeah.
That was his.
I think he put them all in jail.
And then when we gave him a plane to send people back home,
he sent the people he didn't want on the island no more.
Motherfucker.
That's a ballsy move, son.
I like Akash
take it because it's like when you open
it up and then Americans start going over there
and now Cubans are seeing all the shit they're
missing out on. It's like, oh
wow, Americans are here.
They're free. They do whatever the hell they want.
They're not as evil as we've been told. They're nice. They got money.
They get to do whatever. They see in a lifestyle that
they aren't living. And so now
they're more likely to speak out against their government that is a great point because our
greatest tool is our culture yeah and if we can't share our culture it's like why does china limit
so many movies why is china limited so many tv shows why does it limit all of our are like not
all but a lot of our musicians and shit because that stranglehold that we'll have over your people
is through our culture russia did the same thing. They banned all American movies all through the Cold War.
There's actually a Bollywood surge in Russia.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Because they were like,
yeah, you can't have any American movies.
So they were like,
all right, you can have Indian movies.
So there's all these random Russian 40-year-olds
that are like, yeah, we fucking love Bollywood.
It's weird.
Really?
It is crazy how big it is.
In Africa, they love Bollywood.
In the Middle East, they love Bollywood. In the Middle East, they love Bollywood.
Russia, I'd heard they love Bollywood in certain parts.
And I didn't know it was necessarily because of communism,
but yeah, it is a thing I noticed.
I see why.
So many people will be like, oh, I love Bollywood.
Bollywood is like your wedding, son.
That shit is just a big-ass party.
That shit is lit, son.
It's all about joy.
Hero's Journey.
Hero's Journey.
Every single one.
Hero's Journey.
And also, I thought about why are all Bollywood movies
always so like
rich people and whatever
if you're a poor
person I don't want to see reality
fuck reality it sucks I want to escape
for three hours
yeah exactly
so that makes sense
you had mentioned that there might be some connection with the Cuba
and Haiti shit
I'm curious if this is us shoring up the West.
When you say color war, right?
It's basically going like,
alright, who is that president
loyal to? The Haitian president.
Does he have any loyalty to anybody else but us?
Oh, you do? Adios.
Yeah, I don't know. That shit was wild, though.
I'm kind of cynical with that shit.
Did y'all hear how it happened, though?
His own security. They got hired and then like no so a big yeah big group goes over
there and then they start saying dea dea so his security just lets them in because they're
thinking it's fucking american government yeah and then they just took him and his wife out
i mean actually the wife i think is still in critical condition let's be honest that shit
is wild though like you need to get a team You need to get a team of those people down there into the country with certain weapons, with certain outfits.
It's not like you're just going to get that shit at the fucking Halloween store, right?
Yeah.
Have a certain connection to who he is.
It's going to take somebody with serious money and influence even to get that close.
Yeah.
Right?
I'm not saying it's the American government that's exercising it.
Maybe it's a foreign government.
Maybe it's fucking China. Who knows?
But it's going to take somebody like at the higher levels of power and influence to orchestrate something like that.
Also, somebody that could gain a ton. Like if you're just some like Russian billionaire, like what do you gain from killing?
Because he said something mean to you. No, that's not how the game works.
Like at that point, you could say whatever you want. We got billions of dollars at stake here.
that point you could say whatever you want we got billions of dollars at stake here yeah so the fact that they were american could mean it's america or if i was gonna hire somebody if i'm china or
if i'm another country and i wanted to make sure we merked a president that wasn't doing the things
that we wanted them to do i wouldn't make sure that the passports led back to china yeah do you
remember when the russians took out that took out that Russian oligarch in London?
He drank some tea.
I think his name was Berezovsky or something like that.
And he drank some tea and there was polonium in it
or something like that.
You can trace radioactive material,
like physically trace it back to wherever it is.
And they traced it back to the hospital
that those Russian guys that killed him were in Russia.
Yeah.
So you know they took him out. Yeah. Right? So right so they're like oh we're not making that mistake again
why don't you hire people from the country that looks like it would benefit from this
you hire some americans that have haitian descent to go handle business now it looks like america
got blood on their hands right yeah this shit is straight out of bond movie yeah yeah i guess you just have to see what the outcome is like if the outcome is
super beneficial to america then it's like yeah that's a good cia whoever whoever benefits from
this yeah did it whoever actually benefits not who optically could benefit but like whoever
actually has benefit from it yeah but like the next go go yeah i don't know i'm just cynical
where like i don't know if there's been any like revolution in
the last like 50 years that's not orchestrated by some government yeah i mean like when people
are like oh yeah like these people in iran are mad it's like are they they're not he also had a
lot of enemies though like he didn't like the the rich class because there's like a few families that
just own everything in haiti yeah so he wasn't with them. And so it could be one of these rich people,
hey, let's get them the fuck out of here
and not make it look like it was one of us.
Well, we know about the doctor who was arrested now, right?
So in Haiti, one of the suspects is a doctor that flew on a private jet,
I think a few days before,
who the idea, the plan was that these guys were going to actually go
into the presidential palace
take them to um i think take them take them somewhere a government building and stage a coup
so he's in custody so oh wow on that so they're saying he wasn't supposed to be killed but then
when they described how the president was killed i was like yeah he was that yeah he was this was
this was out of a movie the
description yeah but that's the other thing that the conspiracy theorists will say right is that
they'll say that like the cia the fbi the nsa like these institutions don't just work for the
government they work for the rich people that benefit the most from the government so if you
have a bunch of rich families who surely have like some ties to America or other places that can use their influence
and the influence of their security apparatus to push things in their direction.
This might be one of those things they got to push.
But this is a big conversation.
Like you take out a head of state.
I don't care if it's in a small country.
Anyone?
That's a big fucking deal, B.
Like there's something going on here, there's something going on here.
There's something going on here. Like,
I know a lot of money got sent over there to Haiti,
right? That didn't really get to
the Haitian people. Remember when there was that hurricane?
Like, who knows if Homeboy was about to blow
the top off of that?
I mean, there was even some
criticism of how, like, the
Clinton Foundation handled that, wasn't there?
Yeah. Remember, like, they were kidnapping kidnapping or not kidnapping they like adopted all those
haitian kids remember the clintons yeah that that's that's tricky right what do you mean there's
like uh like they were trying to pin that on uh the clintons right that these kids were being like
stolen but they're also being like adopted and like the parents were like, no, they weren't. There was different sizes.
It's not clear.
It could possibly be that,
but I don't think there's enough money in that.
I know it sounds fucked up,
but 14 kids being adopted or whatever
it is, it sounds fucked up,
but I don't think that's what moves the world.
I think billions of dollars
moves the world, and when
billions were raised raised or maybe tens
of millions were raised through clinton foundation and it just never got there right yeah and that
president is like oh now we know where it went oh this is cute yeah maybe some people need to know
about where it went yeah and there's another conspiracy going around that um there's three
countries i forgot the exact three but i know haiti is one of them that declined the vaccine these are the countries that they had a state all the guys you gotta take it
out yeah just to clarify the point on that so the two of the haitian americans that are in custody
there's 21 now in custody they told haitian officials during questioning that their mission
was not to kill the president but to serve a 2019 arrest warrant that had been issued by a judge and
take president moisey to the presidential
palace. There they would install Dr. Sandin, who's a Haitian-American, as president, and that was the
source that reported. And now the conspiracy is that one of the unanswered questions is that how
this Dr. Sandin, who once filed for bankruptcy, could be behind such a costly conspiracy. Some
of the people arrested say they were being paid $3,000 a month
and been living in Haiti since January.
So there is a lane you can look to right now.
Son, this shit is interesting because a lot of times what they could do is tell you,
yeah, we're going to make you president.
That's what the real plan is.
You're about to be president.
We're going to go down there, stage a coup, and arrest this guy.
And you're like, I bet. We got this.
And then you get down there, and they murk that motherfucker,
and you're just sitting there arrested.
Yeah, you're a fucking patsy.
You're the patsy.
Yeah.
And what do they do with the patsy?
Lock his ass up.
So he can't say nothing.
Yeah.
Right.
Or you take him out.
The people who see this shit, like, looking 10, 20, 30, 50 years down the road, doing all, like, it's the brilliance of it.
Just the fucking level of thought that it takes, whether it's good or bad, good or evil, to do that is fucking crazy.
We're about to find some shit out, and very soon we're going to find out that there's, like, a huge oil well outside of Port-au-Prince or something like that.
We're going to find something out.
Some trade route or something.
Big money, guaranteed.
Patrice and Mr. P, he says so many things that make so much sense.
But he said after the earthquakes in Haiti, he did this thing.
He goes, they're going to rebuild Haiti without Haitians and shit.
And this might also be the first step in that.
We're going to put our guy in.
We're going to make this a nice little tourism.
That was the idea for Cuba before Castro.
If you watch The Godfather 2, Cuba was going to be just Vegas, but nicer weather.
It already was.
Yeah, okay.
It was.
It was like this big tourist destination Americans would go to.
And I think they were getting in there to even build it up more.
But Americans would frequent it.
It was just a fun place to check.
So they might be doing that with a lot of these Caribbean islands.
And like, hey, let's just put our guys in there.
Let's make this nice little tour.
We'll make them money.
We'll make us money.
We got our government in there.
Again, these guys, I can't even comprehend the level of thought it takes to see all this entire globe as a chessboard.
And I'm thinking 10 moves ahead, and I'm competing against China right now.
They took out Russia, and China is more organized, and it's more dangerous, and it's more whatever.
So how do we get them out?
I don't know, man.
I don't know.
What else we got?
China is Watson, dog.
He playing chess against Watson.
All right, guys.
We're going to take a break for a second.
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USA or England play Italy.
Son, what is the British flag, son?
Which one is it?
Just England is white with that Red Cross.
When you're talking about Britain, all the groups.
Great Britain, United Kingdom.
Then you're talking about the...
So when they do the Olympics, they do Great Britain.
And then when it's just England, they do the white one with the Red Cross.
Okay.
I didn't know that.
I think so.
Yeah.
It's weird because technically those aren't countries.
They're sovereign states within Great Britain or whatever.
Right.
And then like Wales is a country and then Ireland is a country, but not Northern Ireland.
Yeah.
How does that shit work now that they're annexed?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Oh, no.
Because they're.
Wait, what do you mean?
Like, is England still part of the whole shit?
The Brexit thing?
No, but they're still working on that Brexit shit,
but even if they Brexit, they're Brexit-ing with them.
Oh, yeah.
The Brexit is just the UN.
Exactly.
It's basically like...
Or the Euro, rather.
Like, fucking, what do we got?
Puerto Rico.
And shit like that.
It's like, whatever America does, Puerto Rico's coming.
Oh, okay.
You know?
But, I don't know.
It's interesting.
I saw the game.
That was one of the craziest finishes.
I didn't watch it. What. I didn't watch it.
What?
I didn't watch it.
Oh, okay.
It was a crazy finish.
Say what?
Penalty kicks.
Yeah, the penalty kicks were wild, and there's all these fun conspiracies going on with it.
Obviously, all the black dudes for England missed the penalties, so everybody's upset
at black dudes for missing penalties.
Also, England fans suck, dude.
Yeah?
They just suck.
Why, why, why?
Well, British hooliganism is something people know about. They make movies about it where it, like British like hooliganism like is like something like people know about like they make
movies about it where it's just like British
fans are just like fight and brawl with each other.
It's just like vicious for like no reason. It's their
gangs. Yeah, it's gang shit. But like
it means less. Like, I don't know. It's
like it just seems more super like trivial because
it's like about like a sport.
It's soccer. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Stop it.
But they just apply that to everything.
Like so when the country's playing, they just go so crazy.
They're just super racist.
You just realize that America is not the most racist.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Once you see the English fans going crazy, you're like,
oh, yeah, we're bad, but we're not.
But the way we get around it is we just make sure all the athletes are black.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just the black ones can't let us down.
I hate LeBron.
Yeah.
I love all the other ones.
If it's just LeBron, it's like, oh, shit.
Exactly.
What kind of sport is that where white people can play it?
What a loser.
Son, son.
Tell me about it, bro.
Yo, real talk.
And the black guy is the fastest on the field.
But the best soccer players are white.
How crazy.
You know why you can't? It's because it's a lot
of jogging. And white folks love jogging.
We do love a jog.
The black guy can still be the fastest, but this is a sport of jogging.
Yeah. Leisurely.
Yeah. And there's a lot of
faking and crying and victimizing.
I'm a victim.
If white women play soccer, that's why American
soccer team is amazing.
Yeah. Oh, my God.
You're right.
They all got pink hair and shit.
Yeah, pink hair, victim.
If you look like you're from Portland and you can cry a lot and be hurt and somebody's abusing you, if that's a sport, you know that America's going to win 10-0.
All penalty kicks.
That's why the best actors come from overseas because they just have to act and all every time they get hurt.
They played soccer growing up. Oh, my God. That's right. That's what you were talking about. The British actors are so good. the best actors come from overseas because they just have to act and all every time they get hurt.
That's what you were talking about.
The British actors are so good, but they didn't go to acting school. They were just on the pitch.
Acting school is the pitch.
Acting school is the pitch.
Oh, my ankle. Spray it with fucking Barbasol
or whatever that is.
What is that thing that fixes your ankle in two seconds?
I don't know. I remember
there was one time where, dude,
he couldn't figure out what was hurting him.
He went from his ankle to his face and then back to his ankle.
Like, this motherfucker, it was so stupid.
And then they scored, and then it's like, oh, nothing hurts.
Yeah, he just gets right up and starts running.
I think he got fined.
He's an Italian guy that, like, was laying down, like, grabbing his leg.
They score, and then he just runs and runs away.
I think they fined him because they were like, this is just blatant i will say this though being racist to the guy who missed it really makes
missing it so much easier oh that's true like i'm glad i missed it yeah fuckers yo i thought we in
this together we all part of the same country you don't think i'm disappointed too and now you're
gonna make me the black guy who's not english and you think i did it for my own you know crazy
objective that i'd like to check off my
list. Fuck you. I'm going to miss it next
time too. Kid's 19 years old.
The last guy I think is Sakai.
19 years old. You don't think the kid
wants to deliver? First professional
penalty kick ever for club
or country. Can you imagine
Yannick Chifty just because he's gay saying all kinds
of hard words?
No, it was just a coaching issue.
It was like a leadership coaching issue.
It was honestly fucked up.
You put this kid in the most pivotal position.
This is the last PK.
Regardless of what's happening, yeah, it might not get to him if there's something that happens.
But you're going to go through all five PKs.
But do you choose?
Do they get to choose who goes?
So why did order?
And who goes?
I was looking at it, and there were certain guys that were playing,
like that Harry Kane guy, who's a legit dude,
but I guess he's a little bit older.
And I was reading, and they said,
basically he wasn't doing shit during the game,
but they wanted to keep him on the pitch
because they thought it could go to penalties,
and that he was going to be good at the penalty.
But why not make that guy go last?
Make him your fifth kick.
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah, 100%.
Because you either got to score for the win or you miss it and you lose.
It's all on that last one.
And if you're a vet and you miss, you got enough experience to be like,
ah, it'll be okay.
And you're probably not going to play that much longer anyway.
If you're 19, you might have ruined this kid's life.
Yeah, man.
You missed one kick and now he's just fucking shattered.
Confidence shot.
I just don't get it.
Why would you put a 19-year-old there who's never done that before?
Because that's the thing.
With penalties, it's like an experience and a mental game.
Everyone can kick the ball.
Every player on the field can kick it into the goal.
It's easy.
But it's all mental.
Shouldn't everybody be tight at the coach?
Yeah.
I mean, I think so.
Yeah, but people aren't smart enough to think that.
It's either the guy who missed it. And it's already a pretty racist play. So that black kid missed it. Fuck him., I mean, I think so. Yeah, but people aren't smart enough to think that. It's either the guy who missed it,
and it's already a pretty racist play,
so that black kid missed it, fuck him.
Now I can let it all out.
Nah, the black guy's letting it down.
You're a professional athlete,
and your job is to kick the ball in the goal.
Like, you're here because you're good
at kicking the ball in the goal.
That's true.
We can't make the excuse,
oh, he's 19, he should know better type of thing.
Sure.
Nah, this is what you get paid millions of dollars a year.
Yeah, it's what you get paid to do,
but this isn't even for pay.
It would be a better strategy, but at the same time, it's like,
bruh, hit the free throws.
You know what I mean?
If you're an NBA player, you got two shots to win a game,
hit the fucking free throws.
The stupidest thing, just go straight.
The motherfucker jumps left or right every – just go straight.
Why haven't they figured that shit out yet?
And that goalie's the best in the league.
Well, both of them were great.
I feel bad for the England goalie
because the England goalie saved it a couple times.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Crazy game.
He was on it.
So, Robbie Slovak had a funny-ass tweet.
He said, I relate to goalies
because they, too, complain when they have to do their job.
Anytime there's a kick on goal,
a goalie, after he saves it, is screaming at the defenders
like they were also
trying to stop him.
Like,
that motherfucker gets to
sit in front of the net
the whole game
and jump four times.
The defenders are running
up and down the field
every single time.
One time,
you got to do your job
and it's like,
how the fuck
could you make me work?
Right?
Goalies are like
the Jamaican woman
that works at CVS.
You're like,
do you know how
this all works? She's like, ugh like, do you know how this song is?
It's like, ugh.
Hey, can I check this out?
Seven.
Yeah, but it's just fucked up from the coach.
I also think it's a leadership issue on the team.
Like, if you're the captain of the team, you can't be letting this younger kid take it.
You should kick the last kid.
I got it.
I got it.
Because that's the thing.
Some of the guys aren't as good at penalties, but it's like, let me, if someone's going
to fuck it up, let me be the one responsible for that.
Yeah, pussy.
Yeah, because he did kick it pussy.
Yeah, it wasn't a great penalty.
The penalty, like, we were watching the game here the other day, and some of these dudes
kicked it with the utmost confidence, bros.
It was unbelievable.
They blasted it to like the top corner.
Yeah.
McGuire had an amazing PK that in that shootout,
he was one of the guys that went up in that.
And so it's like,
you see that.
And then you saw what the last kid did.
And I think the last kid,
again,
I'm a complete novice casual when it comes to soccer,
but the way he kicked it is don't fuck it up.
Yeah.
He kicked it as hit it on goal,
hit it on goal.
And hopefully the guy jumps the other way. Yeah. It wasn't as hit it on goal. Hit it on goal and hopefully the guy
jumps the other way.
Yeah, it wasn't great.
Where I've seen ones
where it's like
there is a two inch window
for that ball
to even enter the goal.
Yeah.
Like top corner.
The motherfucker
who doesn't even get it in
who hits the pole.
Son.
What?
Unbelievable.
What?
Unbelievable
because he got it right.
He guessed the right direction.
That's what's so stupid
about that goddamn sport. You just have, because he got it right. He guessed the right direction, right? That's what's so stupid about that goddamn sport.
You just have to kick it in.
Yeah.
You know what's weird in those moments?
It's kind of fun to root for the goalie, because he's the underdog.
Oh, yeah.
And when you don't have any attachment to either side, I'm going, all right, you got this.
It's really impressive to stop a PK.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's a big goal.
Really impressive.
It's a big goal.
Because people say the hardest thing in sports is hitting a baseball. I think the hardest thing in sports is stopping a penalty kick. Yeah. Really impressive. Because people say the hardest thing in sports is hitting
a baseball. I think the hardest thing
in sports is stopping a penalty kick.
You don't think so?
Both sports are pussy.
The ability to do it? No, but one's
just a guessing game. The other one actually takes
skill. I hear
what you're saying. Because he's
jumping whatever way he's going.
You're saying the percentages could be jumping whatever way he's going. So his body is, yeah.
You're saying the percentages could be lower for stopping a penalty kick,
but since it's not a skill-based decision, it's a guessing game.
Yeah.
That's true.
When he's hitting a baseball, it's not guessing. There's no guessing.
It's like, no, it is.
Sometimes you've got to.
Some keepers try to watch where his feet placement is.
You do whatever you can do.
They watch where the knee goes.
Nah, I mean a little bit,
but at the same time,
at the end of the day,
you're guessing.
Also baseball's
kind of guessing too.
Baseball's got some
guessing too.
No, it's not.
It's a fraction of a second
where you see the ball coming
because I've played before
and you can tell
if it's going to be
in the strike zone or not.
But also Ted Williams
would say he could see
the laces on a baseball
and based on how
the laces were spinning,
the ball would drop
and go in a certain direction.
So that's going to be a curve ball,
so slider.
That's next level vision, right?
All those things are kind of cool.
I remember a tennis thing I showed you
where Andre Agassi was talking about playing this guy,
Boris Becker, some tennis player.
And then in tennis,
you also have a split second
to know which way is the serve going.
And he said every time on this side of the court
he would serve wide or down the middle,
he would stick his tongue out right before he served.
I found it watching tape.
And then I never told him.
And then years later I told him.
But he used to always just know on that.
So they're always looking for the Chinese thing.
Just stick his tongue out like this.
They said that like, and I don't know what goalies do in their off time,
but I assume it's this, that they were going through footage and doing your...
That's the crazy thing about professional penalties
is that you have all the penalties this person has ever taken in their life.
And then you see what the England penalty lineup is
because both the teams have penalty shootouts in the same tournament.
So you're like, okay, this is what their lineup was before.
This is where they all went last time.
And then you can see all their PKs from their club years.
And you're like, okay, 60% of the time, this player goes left. I and you're like okay 60 percent of the time this player goes left going that way 40 percent of the time he goes right corner like
and then you just have to kind of just take the percentage like also i bet you can have nerds
that are crunching it and go he goes right if he's following someone who went right he also goes right
like there's data to it statisticians on a team. My buddy has one on his team.
And literally all they do is go, okay, he shoots 80% of his shots from this part of the field.
Physicality.
Where does he start the penalty kick?
If he's more left, he goes right.
You've got six people to memorize, and then they give you 70% chance that he's going to go right.
You go, okay, 70%. I'll take that.
And then you're the shooter, and you're like, okay, I know this guy knows what I do.
Do I change it?
Yeah.
Because he's going to change it
or do I go the same way?
And then if I change it,
I risk missing it
because this is not
what I'm used to.
Yeah, because I normally
hit it right in this one spot.
Soccer sucks.
Yeah, that shit sucks.
No, no.
It's like super high stakes
rock, paper, scissors.
Yeah.
That's exactly what it is.
Trying to figure out
the psychology
of this motherfucker.
Literally exactly. That's the skill it takes. Trying to figure out the psychology of this motherfucker. Literally exactly.
That's the skill it takes.
That's something exciting about how frivolous it is.
That's why it's the most popular game in the world.
Yeah, the end of them.
Yeah, it's simple in that way.
In the same way, the most popular gambling games
are the ones where there's no skill.
Roulette.
Roulette is so much more fun,
like sitting there grinding out poker.
I want to be
there for four hours the bunch of guys smoking cigarettes yeah your buddies with you like hey
can i play like no you can't you don't know how to play roulette throw it on it hit we're going
to the club crap yeah let's play yeah luck i get it i was i was watching it too i was watching it
at a um a bar that was for english fans oh son, they were devastated. They looked at you crazy after?
No, no, no.
I didn't even
peep that.
I can't tell.
It's just funny. They started crying.
A couple people started crying. I'm like, come on, son.
For a Euro. Stop it.
Stop it.
That's how soft the sport is.
Or maybe Olympics, but I don't even think the good guys play any Olympics. it. That's how soft the sport is. World Cup is all that matters.
Or maybe Olympics.
But I don't even think the good guys play in the Olympics. No, but it was at the same time.
They had the Euros in CONCACAF.
So Argentina won.
Yeah.
For South America.
I mean, those are the two best regions in the world, right?
Right, but America doesn't care about tournaments that aren't the whole world.
Like we just want to win the world.
We don't care about your little section.
Like that's adorable.
Yeah. That was an unbelievable tournament.
Soccer slash football is
incredible at that level. It's cool, but it's
little. It's like
when a college team wins, you're like, alright, that's adorable.
But you know why penalty kicks are cool is because it's the
most high stakes shit. We love
stakes, dude. Human beings love high stakes.
That's so fucking high
stakes. It's this kick right
here five of them it's over quick so the pressure mounts each fucking kick it's just like it's game
seven soccer is hard man there's not a lot of reward you really got to care about the team
but penalty kicks i don't need to be invested i can care you don't need to know anything about
it's like okay they're inbound on the ball game Game's tied. If he makes the basket, they win the game.
It's the most basic.
Carnival games.
Yeah, it's basically carnival.
Yeah, it is good.
We're going to do a penalty shootout, though.
Yeah, we should do it.
Straight down the middle.
Did y'all ever do that as kids?
World Cup?
Oh, yeah.
This is so weird.
I remember I was hanging at my homie's place.
He went to UT.
Now, this is a story that I was like, oh, we're all kind of the same.
Rohit, you met him at the wedding.
He was at UT, and I went to go visit him.
He had this apartment complex.
It's like Friday night.
Everybody's getting drunk.
We see this white party.
We see this Indian party.
We're all just drunk outside.
And then my homie Rohit, when he gets drunk, he's like real just fucking wild.
This is wild.
The World Cup is on.
He just slams a soccer ball down in front of a white guy, and he just goes, World Cup,
let's go.
And the white guy's standing in front of a wall.
I swear to God, guy doesn't say a word.
He just takes his shirt off, gets into goalie position.
And then we start doing India versus America, and we start doing a whole World Cup right
there, five kicks.
We lost at the end, and Roeth was fucking devastated.
But it was just such a funny thing of like, dude, penalty kicks, we all fucking care
about this thing.
That is true.
Yeah.
It is true.
In hockey too,
it's exciting.
Oh, dog.
It's so fun.
Hockey PKs are dope.
What?
Hockey PKs are amazing.
They're incredible
because you get to skate up.
Yeah.
It's like slow-mo.
Everything's happening.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right, fine.
We got to do
a penalty shootout.
All right, let's do it.
I'm down.
I'm with it.
At the park.
We're going to McCarran Park. We're going to do it. Let's do it. I'm down with a little penalty shootout. All right, let's do it. I'm down. I'm with it. At the park. We're going to McCarran Park.
All right.
Let's do it.
I'm down with a little penalty shootout.
All right, next.
Okay.
Let's talk about McGregor-Poirier.
Y'all got to see it.
We saw the fight.
We were watching it at your wedding.
No disrespect.
All good.
The wedding had technically finished by the time the fight came on.
Yeah, it was cool how you guys did that, actually.
I actually thought about that. thank you very much yeah we really
appreciate that um okay so let's talk about this because this is really interesting what's going on
with conor mcgregor i post fight i am seeing him behave with a desperation that i've never seen
yeah it's sad it is really interesting he's super concerned
with narrative yeah there's an insecurity that i haven't seen in him before uh for all of you guys
you know watching listening right now obviously you know what happened he snapped his tibia right
so he didn't like he basically broke his leg clean tibia and fibula i guess both bones that
are in your your your right above your ankle. So he snapped those clean.
And then, yeah, the fight got stopped.
You know, doctor stoppage,
but it was really important to him during the fight.
Hey, this isn't a TKO loss.
Dustin didn't beat me.
It's a doctor stoppage. It feels as if he knows his prime is slipping away.
His time as the elite MMA fighter that we knew him at
is slipping away.
And he is trying to hold onto it with fucking everything.
Dude.
Um,
it's really interesting.
What's going on,
man?
Do you think he's,
do you think it's not just his,
I think his prime has slipped away.
It's done after this to me as a very,
very casual fan.
Do you think he's like,
Oh,
my legacy is tarnished at this point.
I think his deal with
Proper 12
had stipulations
that he
might not be able to meet.
Oh boy.
I have no proof to back this up.
But if you get
$100 million or whatever the fuck it is for Proper 12
but it's put in there, you gotta
fight this many more times and you either have to win the UFC championship
or fight Manny Pacquiao or...
Because he's like,
we're coming back.
We're fighting again.
I still want to do it.
Why do you want to do it?
You got fake teeth.
I felt that.
You got fucking Botox.
Like you fix your...
What are you doing here?
What purpose do you have to fight?
As soon as you sent the thing
that he'd had Botox
and I looked at his face,
I was like, he got loose.
It's done.
There's nothing wrong with Botox.
Right now, nothing wrong.
Absolutely.
We all going to be there.
But you know what I mean?
He's obviously caring about the way he looks.
He's being a what?
And breaking your leg fucking sucks, dude.
Have you broken your leg before?
No.
I broke my arm.
But the idea of breaking your fucking leg, not being able to walk.
Six weeks in a crutch.
For what, dude?
You know what I mean?
He knows he doesn't want this.
You got $100 million.
You have your family.
You have all these different things.
He's still cursing him out, saying his wife is in his DMs as he's leaving.
You got absolutely bullied.
We'll talk about the beginning of the fight where Conor was outboxing him easily, but
then Dustin landed two big shots on Conor.
It caused Conor to kind of grab him.
And then once they were grabbed, I mean, Dustin's just a far superior wrestler, jujitsu, ground and pound.
And then Dustin just bullied him on the ground.
I mean, Conor was just there doing absolutely nothing.
Right.
Yeah.
On the feet, Conor was outboxing him.
And he looked really good. He was laying some big kicks. Do you think he broke his leg on the feet connor was out boxing him and he looked really good he was laying some
big kicks do you think he broke his leg on the check i don't think people are saying he like
dustin checked it with his elbow but then i saw another angle it doesn't look like he hit him
what i was speaking to a buddy of mine who works in the nba and he said that the trainer and his
team said those breaks often happen because of overtraining. So the bone is already depleted due to the overtraining.
And I know that Connor likes to ride the bike,
but every time I see him doing cardio, he's on a bike.
And that always makes me curious because biking is not a great form of cardio
in terms of time efficiency.
You want to get your cardio up on a bike, you're biking for hours, dude.
Okay.
Whereas if you want to run for an hour, I mean, you're doing miles.
Right.
You're running for an hour.
But bike, you really got to be on that fucking thing for a while in order for it to really tap into your cardio.
Right.
Unless you're maybe going uphill or something.
It's just not an efficient source.
But I wonder if his legs were hurt.
That's sad.
To know it's because you trained too hard
and not even because you got beat
because you just wanted it too badly, that's sad.
Yeah, yeah.
Ron Rousey said that when Conor was on the ground
after the fight, almost marketing his next bout,
like he'll be back,
no other fighter would ever think about
promoting the next fight. Why is he so desperate to do it? There has to be something. his next bout like he'll be back like no other fighter would ever think about like promoting
the next fight but desperate to do it there has to be something like he's immediately going yes
and then he's also saying oh we're definitely gonna have a fight with nate diaz we're gonna
have a trilogy fight with that like what is going on yeah that you are holding on to your place in
the sport even after you have a hundred million in the bank is he maniacal like is that is it just a sociopathic
like urge to beat people up i hope it's great i don't think so but i hope it's that what do you
think i like i had this theory before i think it's the proper 12 i know you he sold all his stake in
it but i still think like you said there's some type of clause where he needs to win he needs to
keep winning you know how like sometimes you could sell a company? I think Dana White has sold his portion of the UFC.
Yeah.
But I think as part of that deal in selling your company,
you have to stay on for a certain term and manage it.
Yeah, you have to vest these shares.
So in other words, your shares vest over four years or something.
And this is the people who sell or bought the company's way
of maintaining the skill level.
Yeah.
Not the skill level, but the operation level.
This guy knows how to think.
He got it to this point.
I want him to stay there, get it to a bigger point,
and then he's free and he gets his money.
I wonder if those things are built into his contract.
There has to be something, dude.
It's quite possible.
Why is he so fucking desperate?
I thought it was.
Sorry to interrupt, but he's on his story.
I never see him on his story.
He's on his story in his hospital bed right after the break.
Hey, surgery went amazing. We're back. That's an illegitimate win from Dustin. He's on his story in his hospital bed right after the break. Hey, surgery went amazing. We're
back. That's an illegitimate win from Dustin.
He's really trying to create narrative.
He's posting stuff on his story about
the shots and how they didn't land from Dustin.
There was no ground and pound.
Something's up. Two things. One, I might
have messed up the Nate Diaz thing. I reread the article
even though it was posted like 12 hours ago
or whatever on TMZ. It might have been before the
fight. They were saying there will be a trilogy fight,
which would make sense with your proper 12 thing also.
I, though, think a lot of it is he's going to lose relevance.
Once he isn't fighting anymore, how does he stay relevant?
And the thing about a guy that's that good at getting attention
is that's a pretty intoxicating feeling.
You are that good at getting attention.
You're going to get a lot of attention.
Once you get it, you don't know what to do when it goes away.
That's true.
He loves attention, and he's good at getting it.
Fuck is he good.
And it's really addictive.
So once you are not good at the thing that got you the attention in the first place,
that probably fucks with you.
Your theory makes a ton of sense, too.
My initial read was, nah, I think he is losing relevance,
and it's pathetic to watch him grabbing for it.
Yeah, maybe.
I think that's completely plausible.
Two questions.
Can you explain that the judges' scorecard for round one
came in at like 10-9, 10-8, 10-8?
10-8, 10-8 is for Dustin.
For Dustin, yeah.
So Dustin was so dominant in the round that they took two points away.
Yeah.
And I don't think that that's unreasonable.
I think he was very dominant.
Now, I wouldn't have given it 10-8 because I thought Connor dominated on the feet.
Like, while they were standing, Connor was dominant.
I mean, Dustin landed the shot that kind of like staggered
connor but i mean connor was kicking his legs off i mean he was really out boxing him and out
kicking him but uh once he had him on the ground connor is just useless on the ground like yeah
okay it's no second yeah he's gonna fight dustin for sure again dustin just destroys him do you think this opens it up
for a uh potential connor jake paul fight after does that is that what this leads to in the ufc
world or this might have also been before the fight but i read an article again from tmz saying
uh the manager saying there's no way he fights jake paul now again that might have been before
the fight and if you lose this badly and get, not this badly,
but if you get kind of embarrassed like that,
like you're just broke mid-fight,
and you're grabbing for anything and relevance and all that,
it could, Jake Paul, that's an easy source.
It would be so fucking entertaining.
It would be entertaining.
It's a real bummer because I wanted Conor to win,
not necessarily because I like him so much personally.
I just, everything is better when Conor's winning.
Yeah.
Everything is better in sports, entertainment.
Yeah.
Everything's better.
Like when you have a charismatic fighter
that is on top of the world,
ask him any question.
What do we do about israel
palestine just let him go like let it i want connor at peak confidence yeah in every setting
and then doing interviews going on different podcasts like talking about other fights like
when connor connor can't talk about the next kumar usman fight yeah because he just got his
fucking ankle broke so he's got to sit down and shut the fuck up.
Even if he does talk,
it's like...
Sit down and shut the fuck up.
Sit down and shut the fuck up.
If he knocked Poirier
out in brutal fashion,
right?
Yeah.
He's talking so much shit
about everybody on the roster.
And you got to listen.
Yeah.
You got to knock somebody out.
You got the right to talk.
You get to talk
if you beat somebody's ass
and knock somebody out.
You get to run your mouth.
What are we going to say
that Dustin's one of the best
UFC fighters?
Son, we have to.
I mean, like, all credit to Dustin.
He is a fucking bully.
And, frankly, he's got Conor's left hand timed.
Really?
Like, yeah, he caught him a couple times again.
Like, he just, Conor takes a, he's not slow in throwing it,
but it comes from far back.
And you don't have to worry about his right
hand at all like he doesn't have a strong jab or a good hook so you just got to worry about one hand
and dustin's a really good boxer like really good and he timed out that fucking left hand of connor's
and oh yeah yeah man it's a it's a bummer though yeah it's a fucking but like his last loss in the
last five years was khabib yeah and dominating wins over other people man yeah so to me i'm like i mean he should be in the
be in the combo yeah i mean yeah i mean i think once he gets the belt he'll fight charles olivera
and then if he beats charles like which is not easy but if he beats him i think that he's he's
definitely in the combo you know what i was what you said something about Conor. You know what reminded me of when I hit his peak?
This was his influence.
I don't remember the last white athlete
that influenced, that black athletes
were doing their shit. Like I remember
I think Dez Bryant caught a touchdown pass and then
on the sidelines Conor McGregor. Well everybody
was doing that shit. Like it's a fucking Irish
guy. Like the whitest white guy.
And he's influencing black culture.
I don't remember the last time that happened,
especially not in sports.
That's the power of a great fighter.
He is the greatest fight promoter I've ever seen.
I wasn't
around for Ali, so I don't know what those times were
like. I'm sure they were unbelievable.
He's better than Floyd. Way better than
Floyd. Floyd was amazing.
Floyd was amazing. When they fought,
Conor was the one carrying it.
He didn't even promote this fight
until like three days before.
And once he started, everything was a quote.
Every fucking thing he said.
Say some of the stuff.
I was completely in wedding planning.
The best one is, I break people's faces and bounce.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was unbelievable.
He goes, I don't something.
Somebody asks him what he does. He goes, I don't, yeah, he goes, I don't something. Somebody asked him what he does.
He goes, I don't do that.
I break people.
I'm not a celebrity.
I don't care about fame.
He goes, I'm not a celebrity.
I don't care about celebrity.
I break people's faces and bounce.
Like, oh my God.
He'll be carried on a stretcher.
He's a corpse.
He's a corpse.
I'm going to kill him.
I'm going to end his life.
That man will pay with his life yeah dude
oh my god it's unbelievable like just making shit up i've only got one loss in the ring i only count
losses from knockouts whoever shoots first a pussy is a pussy you know taps they don't count
he immediately puts dust in a guillotine the second he gets that's what i'm like why doesn't
every fighter just watch that and go, like, is that?
They just don't got it, bro.
Yeah, you got to have it. They just don't got it.
He's on another level.
If Dustin was just talking wild shit,
it wouldn't be fun.
It wouldn't make him 10% better.
A large percentage of charisma
is something you have or you don't.
Yeah.
And then there's things you can do to,
it's like athleticism.
It's like any trade.
Charisma is something a lot of people
are just born with
and a lot of people are just not.
Right.
Charisma is a suit, man. You know, some people just look amazing in a suit and other people look
like they're going to court right you know like connor looks great in his suit bro yeah he really
does everything fits yeah and that guy can sell a fight and you know dana and the ufc they're upset
not because they don't want to see dustin when i'm sure they like Dustin. I'm sure they think he's really skilled. It's just so much easier to sell Conor.
Yeah.
Like Conor versus Charles Oliveira.
They literally just go, okay, Conor will do all the work.
Should we make advertisements or no?
No.
No billboards.
We don't need a billboard.
Nothing.
Yeah.
I wonder if they look at the advertising budget for a Conor fight and they just go, reduce it by 75%.
Yeah.
Why would you spend?
Conor fight and they just go reduce it by 75%
why would you spend
or they know what the fight is going to come
bring back and they're like we'll just keep the
same ad spent
something like that
don't spend that money on ads just give it to me I'll take it
I'll do it
it doesn't even really matter necessarily
what you do in the octagon if you can talk
good game
when he was saying all that
shit like oh he's a corpse like he's gonna be taken out of here whatever like he said all that
shit last time when he lost to dustin well no he didn't he was super nice remember he was really
but like he said that before and then lost and it was like all right like when he was talking
crazy shit to khabib and they lose this and it's like maybe he's overcompensating because last time
he was really happy and joyous and tried to enjoy every moment and then got his ass beat yeah maybe
he was like i need to go back to that old
kind of...
It doesn't even matter if you lose if you
promote the right way.
And people will buy it.
By people, I mean me.
If he comes back and wants to fight him again.
Every fight, yeah.
Every single time.
What about that Sugar Sean, Chris Martino fight?
Oh yeah, shout out to Sugar Sean O'Malley, bro.
And also, shout out to Chris Motino.
That guy had an amazing fucking chin, dude.
Brazilian zombie, dude.
Is that what he's calling himself?
That's what I'm calling him.
Yeah, they should.
I mean, the guy walked forward the entire time.
I actually hit up O'Malley, and I was like, dude,
the most impressive thing that happened in that fight for me was your will didn't get broken by this guy who kept walking forward and talking shit.
Because that will happen a lot of times to fighters when they start play like fighting against like the elite level.
You see with boxers like might happen with Mike Tyson.
Mike Tyson tells a story about the first time he just couldn't knock out this big white guy.
Right.
In his amateur years. And he just couldn't knock him out. And he's used to just destroying every single guy. Yeah he just couldn't knock out this big white guy right in his amateur years and he just couldn't knock him out and he's used to just destroying every single
guy yeah he couldn't knock out he just started falling apart in the ring he got like scared
he didn't know what to do in that moment so it's like sean experiencing that now not during a title
fight or not during a title eliminator or one of those now he goes okay i just need to breathe
keep my composure keep on pot shotting this guy then landing heavy when i can but just go to a
decision obviously they stopped this which i thought was kind of unfair to chris matin you're
like you let the guy take a beating for 14 and a half minutes and then you give him 30 seconds
right where he's it's kind of like disrespectful like yeah but um but i thought that was really
cool he went through this right now that's going to be super valuable
because you don't want to go through that in the second round
of a title fight with the entire world watching you
where you go oh my god I can't knock
him out I can't sleep this guy
what else do I have
is my cardio on point
yeah but it was a cool
fight though and like respect to the dude for coming
on short notice that was fight of the night
and they each got an extra 75K.
Yeah.
Because it was UFC fighting.
I mean, I love it.
What happens to that guy, Chris Moutinho?
Oh, he's on the roster.
Like, everybody's interested in him.
Yeah.
Everybody wants to see him again.
And I think what you do with him, if I'm Dana White, is I start building him up.
Like, I don't leave him there as a human punching bag.
I go, okay, he fought quite possibly the worst person that he could fight.
An incredibly skilled striker.
Imagine he fought a guy who
wasn't a skilled striker, but just someone who's there
to bang, and that
guy isn't going down. Now they're just slugging.
So now they're just, like, this guy
can be a favorite.
You know, like a Donald Cerrone type or
something. He can be a
journeyman, if you will but
a guy who makes tons of money on that journey having incredibly exciting wars yeah so build
him up against guys who are a little bit lower ranked and not you know Sean O'Malley I mean they
have title aspirations for Sean O'Malley I'm sure yeah like let Chris build himself up in the same
way that Sean built himself up you know like Sean O, Sean O'Malley, I don't think the first guys that he was fighting were ranked fighters.
No.
So, I'm excited for that guy.
I think nothing went down in that guy's stock at all.
No, I mean, way up.
And I think that the UFC is really cool in terms of, like, they reward entertainment.
If you're entertaining motherfuckers out there, even if lose you're gonna be ready to fight again yeah i feel like the loser in the fight of the night will get more credit than like
just a low card winner 100 even gilbert burns beating wonder boy it's boring it's like you're
just gonna lay on top of them the whole fucking time like yeah sucks like i don't care i don't
want to watch it boring whack yeah like don't care move on strike i know you don't want to strike with wonder boy
because he's so good at it but like if we want to entertain us you want to get the big bucks
that's not how you get a title fight right the way you get title fight is be entertaining as
fuck yeah like and i think what's cool is if if whatever you reward the fighters will do right so
if you know that the way that you get a title fight is by knocking a motherfucker out yeah we'll
go for knockouts yeah i'll dye my hair green dye my hair green. I'll get in there to whatever
Whatever I got to do. I mean speaking entertainment. You saw Trump pulled up ringside son. Whoa, no boys going full send
Yeah, leaning fully into Trump, but they've always been full maggot though. Yeah, they're not boys. They're like they were at the
What do we call it the rally or whatever? Yeah were on Air Force One. Full-magic Canadians.
But they're Canadians, which is so funny.
Yeah, I mean, I kind of get it from their perspective.
It's like kind of voyeurism.
You know what I mean?
You just want the guy that's stirring the most shit up
because that's what they do.
They stir shit up.
So yeah, whatever.
I don't even know who the Nugboys are, I'm going to be honest.
Y'all know what I'm talking about.
Akash has been out of it.
Akash needs to tap back into culture, bro.
He's been in a fucking time capsule, bro. I have no clue what's going on. This is idiocracy. Akash just been out of it Akash needs to tap back into culture He's been in a fucking time capsule
I have no clue what's going on
This is idiocracy
Akash just came back
Nah
I'm with you
The only thing
One of the guys is the one he goes like
Huh?
Behind people
That's the only thing I know about that
Oh that guy
Behind people in the grocery store?
Yeah
Oh yeah
He's one of the boys that
Fucks with it
And then there's like the main dude.
I think his name is Steve.
Yeah, Steve will do it.
I don't even know what he does.
I know he'll do it.
He will do it.
But I don't know he does.
Whatever it is.
I only know Saleem shit.
Because moaning at people at Shifty's old job is the fucking most.
And just seeing their reaction.
He saw Shifty doing it and that's where he got the idea.
I would.
Now, they're legends at content?
Nah, they know what they're doing.
Yeah.
And they teamed up with Trump, right?
He's at ringside with...
Another legend of content, if we're being honest.
I don't know why.
We can allow ourselves that.
You think Trump's running again?
He must be.
Has to be, right?
Why else is he in public all the time?
Like, why else is he, like, doing all these rallies and...
Spoke at CPAC.
CPAC.
And they said it like
uh loki terrifying with 95 certainty he would win the republican republican primary it's really
trump's party dude it is that whole like oh it's the republican party is a party of trump and
everyone's like nah nah it'll switch back it's so much trump's party that republicans still haven't
left him like they still, they're still heavy Trump
people. Normally, they just support whoever's
in power, whoever gets the job done, whoever they think
can win. Republicans play to win.
You can agree or disagree with what they're doing.
Democrats play to do what's right.
Republicans are like, nah, we just want to
win. Yeah. I just want to pay
less taxes, bro.
If Republicans just came out and said
that shit, like like there's the religious
republicans and they're just like yo we don't care about anything else but religion that's the one
thing we're abortion and then yeah literally just abortion that's the one thing that we're voting on
right and then the rest of republicans are like yo i just don't want to pay money in taxes like
you want to teach critical race theory in school that's cool can i pay 25 in taxes like if if
democrats negotiated with what
they wanted, the woke shit, with the
tax decrease, they could get there.
If you go up to Republicans and you say,
we want to teach that white people
are bad and should be slaves
and it's 20%
on your taxes, they'd be like,
shackle me up.
That sounds great
for me. I'll put my white kid in a private school with only white kids.
And then we'll decide what they learn there.
You are unequal to us, but there's a flat tax.
I'm in.
I'm in.
I mean, the more Republicans I speak to, it's like, there is the culture war that we spoke about.
But at its core, it's how much you're going to tax me.
That is actually a good point.
Because, shouts to Brian.
He always, he told me, he doesn't need the exact number and I forget it, but something like
20% of Republicans are single issue voters
and abortion is one of the big, I don't
care anything else. Those are the evangelicals.
You can lose them. You don't need to win
everybody. You need to win the moderates. And if you
just said to them, look man, we can do
some liberal shit, but I'm going to cut the fuck out
of your taxes.
Abortion is mandatory. 10%
flat tax. Abortion is mandatory. 10% flat tax.
Abortion is mandatory, though.
Every woman who turns 18 must have an abortion
before the 30th birthday.
That sounds fun for guys,
quite frankly.
It's 10% tax.
I think every guy
would be like,
yeah, there's nothing
in one lesson, right?
Once your daughter
has an abortion,
you have to,
then you get the 10% tax.
Oh, my God.
It's like a dowry system.
Sign me up.
Sign me up. That's a U.S. dowry. I'm telling you, the U.S. dowry rate that you get 10% tax. It's like a dowry system. Sign me up. Sign me up.
That's a U.S. dowry.
I'm telling you,
the U.S. dowry rate
that you get 10% tax.
That's it.
That's not a good idea.
Listen.
There's going to be
a lot of kids getting fucked.
So that they can get
the 10% tax?
Your daughter's going to be,
I think I might be home at 11.
Come home at 12.
Yeah.
Make sure that you keep it all in.
Yeah, here's 300 bucks.
Go have fun.
Who cares?
I got some extra money to blow.
I don't give a shit.
Exactly.
We're saving money.
Pay that 300 one time, you get 10% tax the rest of your life.
I'm just telling you, that's how you get conservatives on board.
Fuck all this culture shit.
Build a wall, all that.
They did it to 10%.
10%.
And that's where they need to borrow that idea because Trump was like, we're going to
build a wall.
How are you going to pay for it?
Oh, they'll do it.
That's what you do.
How are you going to pay for all this shit with less taxes?
Oh, they'll do it. That's it. Nobody cares if it going to pay for it? Oh, they'll do it. That's what you do. How are you going to pay for all this shit with less taxes? Oh, they'll do it. That's it.
Nobody cares if it's actually getting
paid for. Yeah, they'll do it.
Democrats, what do Democrats want?
Gay things. Gay things.
They're just liberal cucks.
They're liberal cucks. They're super liberal cucks.
Like, but what do they want? I'm trying
to understand. Like, if you had one thing,
like, if you really just, like, what is your Democratic
claim? They just want guys to, like, go and bang their wives dude they're huge liberal cucks to be split open
on the dinner table while they watch yeah carve through their turkey yeah they're liberal cucks
while some dude carves through their wife yeah dude that's true they're liberal cucks but in
all seriousness like what is the one thing i think white liberals just don't want to feel bad
for being like white so i I think that they're,
and again,
we're just talking about white people.
I don't know what black conservatives want.
I know what white conservatives want for the most part.
That aren't the religious ones.
It's just lower taxes.
They don't really care about all like the race stuff.
Cause they operate in their own communities anyway,
where they could just carve that shit out at the country club.
Nobody's worried about critical race theory.
Do you know what I mean?
But I think white liberals are just like,
how do I look like I'm an ally?
They just want to be an ally.
Yeah.
That's it.
Can I have an ally card?
Get a vaccinating card
and an ally card.
They'll be totally happy.
Oh my God, dude.
They'd pay thousands
for an ally card.
How do conservatives
get invited to the cookout?
That's how you could fund
every black program
is just,
here's an ally card
for $10,000.
They don't even want
to go to the cookout.
They just want everybody at the cookout to know they're not racist.
How can I show everybody here I'm not racist?
I can't eat at the cookout.
The food is too spicy.
What am I going to do with all the seasoning?
Come on now.
It's crazy.
But I just want the invite.
I want you to know.
You wouldn't even have to invite me.
I wouldn't want to impose on your culture.
That might be a culture appropriation.
Just tell me I'm not racist.
White liberals want to be told they're not racist,
sexist, hateful.
That's just, they want to be told
because they know deep down they are.
But they want you to remove that guilt.
So how can conservatives remove that guilt from them?
We know how Democrats can get conservatives on board.
How can conservatives get Dems on board?
How do they get them out of that?
Maybe do like a radio hotline, like a telephone number you can call.
Okay.
And then a black guy will tell them they're not racist.
That's good.
That's not bad, right?
But you can't trust a black conservative.
Black people are going to be like, that's not us.
Black people do a good job of taking any conservative.
They really do the work for the Democrats.
They take any conservative like, ah, fuck that guy.
Ben Carson, one of the world's greatest neurosurgeons ah fuck that guy he's
an idiot yeah fuck that guy that is so true that is so true yeah it's interesting it's actually
really difficult it's way easier to turn someone democrat than it is to turn them liberal yeah like
this is part of what fucks the democrats though because there's so many conservative
just to turn them conservative because there's nothing that these liberals want like the white
liberals they it's not like they're poor right yeah but they're not rich they're not rich enough
to benefit from the taxes and they're not poor enough where they're like dying and you can take
advantage of their economic insecurity right right they're just in this middle space where they're
like my life is comfortable the only thing I feel uncomfortable about is being potentially racist or sexist or homophobic.
Please absolve me of that guilt.
Right. Whereas like the white conservatives
are like, bro, I got a little bread.
And I'm trying to keep that fucking bread.
Yeah.
I don't know if Democrats are single issue voters like that though.
No.
You can win a vote of a conservative with a single
issue. You can lose favor
with the Democrats over a single issue.
Like, you do one thing, and this is where Democrats fuck themselves.
You do one thing we don't like, we don't fuck with you.
We don't agree with one thing that's not liberal enough for us, we don't fuck with you.
And that's kind of what happens with cancel culture.
It's driven by liberals initially.
I know conservatives have their own snowflake cuck shit, too.
But with liberals, it started with, and this is what we're seeing.
Oh, you said this thing on like your cancel.
Oh, Chrissy Teigen, even though you did so much work for us before, here's something on you.
Now we got to cancel you.
You know what conservatives need?
They need a black candidate.
Trump's vice has got to be black.
But like black, black. Black, black.
Snoop.
They need a black guy.
I'll vote for Trump and Snoop. Together?
Yeah. They need a black guy
and they need Kamala.
It's going to be tricky with Kamala because
Kamala is black.
Right? So she can call out that black guy. But Kamala, it's going to be tricky with Kamala because Kamala is black, right?
So she can call out that black guy.
But if it was two white people running for the Dems and there was a black person and Trump or a black person and a white conservative, those white Democrats couldn't say shit to that black person.
Yeah, but Snoop, dog.
Kamala says shit.
She's like, hey, why are you locking us up on weed charges, bitch? I'm the weed guy.
Everybody can have weed.
You wouldn't vote for Snoop as
vice president, dog.
Not if he's running with Trump.
You're a liberal cuck, you know that?
What if Snoop was president and Trump was
vice president? Trump ain't gonna allow that shit.
You got too
much ego for that.
I'm just saying, there is something there.
They need to find a way to offset the racism and appease what white liberals really need, which is to be told they're not racist.
And if they had a black candidate running and be like, don't buy these liberal lies that if you support us, you're racist.
I'm telling you, you're not.
Or you might be, but you're not for supporting this agenda.
And all of a sudden white people be like, wait a minute, is it okay?
Is it okay for me to step outside and support the black guy?
And then they just call out the Democratic Party
which is a bunch of old fucking white
men anyway. And you're like
see what they just did. There is something there.
What about Shaq?
He's a sheriff.
Law and order.
Yeah that guy loves law and order.
That could be wild.
I mean I don't hate it.
That could be wild. Alright mean, I don't hate it. That could be wild.
All right, what else we got?
Oh, Drake.
Oh, bro.
All right, guys.
The Infamous Tour is about to begin.
I'm telling you guys, do not wait for the week of because there will not be tickets
available.
I think Dallas has a handful of tickets left right now.
This is it.
We're not adding another show in Dallas.
We're not adding another show in Houston.
That is it.
First weekend.
Get it cracking. I think we're going to another show in Dallas not adding another show in Houston that is it first weekend get it cracking I think we have some fun surprises you know can't say much more after that
but you want to make sure you're there go get them right now uh also we added a couple shows I want
to tell you guys about very important very important very important okay we added a late
show for San Diego go get that we added a fourth Austin show for the special taping. That is the late show on September 20th. We also added Las Vegas, Nevada will be in Vegas on October 2nd. We added a late show in Washington, D.C. on October 23rd. We added a late show in San Francisco at November 6th. We added a late show in Chicago on November 13th.
That is absolutely crazy.
Chicago Theater is one of the most iconic performance venues in the world.
It is an honor to be performing there.
Tell your fucking friends.
Tell the world.
Chicago, come out for your boy.
Very excited about that.
We added another show in Minneapolis.
And then we added Florida, Jacksonville, Florida.
We're coming back there December 5th. Go
to TheAndrewSchultz.com for all
of the dates. There are many more dates that are also
available right there. Get those tickets ASAP.
This weekend we'll be in Denver
and then the weekend after that we'll be in Omaha.
Go get those tickets as well.
TheAndrewSchultz.com
Alright guys, here we go.
I'm married.
Let's have fun on this tour.
I got no more weddings to plan.
We about to get fucking crazy.
July 22nd through 24th,
I'm in Baltimore at Magoobie's Joke House.
August 5th through August 8th,
I'm in Naples, Florida.
We back at Off the Hook Comedy Club.
September 23rd through 25th,
I'm at the Moon Tower Comedy Festival in Austin.
And new dates, new dates, new dates. October 8th and 9th, I am at the Moon Tower Comedy Festival in Austin. And new dates, new dates, new dates.
October 8th and 9th, I am at DC
in the Comedy Loft. And
it's finally happening. Toronto.
I'm going to be doing my first theater show
October 15th. The Grand
Girard Theater, Toronto. I know you guys got crazy
love for me, but I have not seen it in person.
This is my first time there. So
I'm going to get that ticket link as
soon as I can. I'm going to get it early and I'm going to get that ticket link as soon as I can. I'm
going to get it early and I'm going to throw it up on my site. Y'all buy the motherfucking tickets
and let's add more shows. Let's sell out theaters. Let's go. Go to akashsingh.com. And I think,
Alex, you might have something you need to plug also. Yes. You know, I have WTF Media Studios.
That's here in New York. If you're looking for a place to record your podcast. Also, if you have
a podcast you're trying to do at home or set up your studio, I also offer consults.
So go to WTFMediaStudios.com.
And let's get back to the show.
Let's talk about this.
Drake is doing some absolutely next level shit.
This guy really understands flexing.
I thought the best flexer in the world was Lil Duval.
And Drake might have given Lil Du duval run for his money yeah now
granted drake got to spend way more money to achieve the same level of flex as duval but
this flex was unprecedented okay for multiple reasons one apparently he's dating the mom of
one of brawny jr's teammates and i guess the ben the best uh player on his high school basketball team so that's why he's at all these high school basketball games with lebron you know showing
support you also showing support to mom dukes and the kid yeah right um mom got the wagon on her
she does she does full wagon yeah i'm a g wagon g wagon she got the G-Wagon, dude. AMG package, the whole thing.
She is stacked, bro. It's stupid.
I was on Instagram for a minute.
That's funny.
He got a type, though.
They all look the same,
so he got a type.
He like a wagon, bro.
He like a nice light-skinned wagon.
He does, right?
Not always light-skinned. Who he got the dark? the dark serena yeah serena had a wagon on her serene she do have a wagon he got he just has a type he likes
wagon bro he likes his girls bbw yeah he does bro he does so anyway he goes on a date with her did
you see this i heard at dodger stadium right so they're literally sitting on the first baseline
near the seats, but on the actual field,
having dinner, and then a drone flies in,
zooms in, and gets a video of it.
Now, we're supposed to believe
as if Drake did not plan this drone to come in
and take a picture.
Impossible.
I find it hard to believe that drones are even allowed
to fly over Dodger Stadium.
Right.
There's probably something that limits a drone from flying over it,
or else, if you had a fucking drone and you live in Los Angeles,
you'd fly it over Dodger Stadium nonstop.
I bet there's a no-fly restriction thing that they can even put up
over the stadium to stop something like that from happening.
Yeah, just cities like that in general.
You have to have a license.
It's a whole thing.
It's very difficult.
So, of course, this has been put together.
Now, Trey could plead innocence.
He could go, maybe my team did it.
I had no clue.
I would never want to blah, blah, blah.
And maybe that's the case.
Maybe the case, maybe he's like, I'm going on this date.
That's it.
You guys are the team that creates cool content.
Do what you do, but let me plead ignorance
but that shot of them eating dinner in an empty dodger stadium was un-fucking-believable
swag i mean super super super he's king he's king right now he really is nothing you can say he got
it back he was slipping a little bit like people are are saying, ah, maybe Drake's day is done.
He's not top dog, but he's top dog.
He's top dog.
This generation's Jay, dog.
He's just going to have the long day.
I never see Jay pull a move like that, to be honest with you.
Yeah, Jay puts his helmet on backwards on.
Yeah, Jay fighting for his cool every time he leaves the house.
Yeah, yeah.
Like every time Jay leaves the house and it's not like an actual photo shoot,
people ready to clown. Oof, yeah. You know what I mean? Oh, he leaves the house. Yeah, yeah. Like, every time Jay leaves the house and it's not like an actual photo shoot, people ready to clown.
Oof, yeah.
You know what I mean?
Oh, he got titties.
Yeah.
Oh, why is he on a jet ski?
Not in coolness, but in flexing
in terms of, like, Jay buying companies.
Jay's a billionaire.
Oh, yeah, flexing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Actually, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jay behind closed doors
is the baddest man on the planet.
Yeah.
He's so great behind closed doors,
you ignore the fact that
when the doors are open,
he looks like a dork.
He does, absolutely.
Jeff Bezos is cooler than him.
Yeah.
Hey, relax, relax, relax. Nah, he is cooler. Absolutely. Jeff Bezos is cooler than him. Yeah. Relax, relax, relax.
He is cooler.
Relax, relax.
JP cooler than Jay-Z.
Exactly.
I'll take JP over Jay-Z.
What's the tie to Dodger Stadium?
Like baseball.
I've been to a bar.
Shorty's from LA.
But still, it's not expensive, by the way.
Just FYI.
It don't matter if it's not expensive.
Shut up, Dove. But why that? You rent it out. That the way. Just FYI. It don't matter if it's not expensive. Shut up, Dove.
But why that?
You rent it out.
That's why.
Yeah, you do it.
Have you done it yet?
I don't like baseball.
Staples would have been fire.
This guy couldn't afford to rent a Tesla.
He's not going to be able to rent out Dodger Stadium.
How fire is your Tesla, Akash?
It's great, dude.
Yeah, that shit.
What a deflection.
What a deflection.
It's great.
He was flexing, super flexing. But be honest. Do you want to eat in Dodger Stadium? No. The game's not, dude. Yeah, that shit. What a deflection. What a deflection. It's great. He was flexing. Super flexing.
But be honest.
Do you want to eat in Daughter Stadium?
No.
The game's not even on.
Where are you cooking the food?
Son, the chef was right there.
That's fly.
But the chef got to cook the food.
Yeah.
So what do we have here?
He had some contraption that it was heated.
Like, he was cooking right there in front of us.
Yeah, that's going to be the best chef.
That's just Matt Bourne, bro.
Going on a date with your girl, you want to look around and talk shit about the people If you're not knocking this move, man. It's just a great flex. What am I talking about, bro? It be the best chef. That's just Matt Bourne, bro. Going on a date with your girl, you wanna, like, look around, talk shit about the people in there. If you're not knocking this move, man.
It's just, it's a great flex.
What are you talking about, bro?
It's a fantastic flex.
You're in Dodgers Stadium.
But that don't matter.
That shouldn't matter.
Son, it's a great flex,
but it's not a great date.
It's not.
It's like an expensive Groupon.
I don't know.
Something about it.
There's no time to baseball.
You can call Drake a Groupon.
Honestly, it's not even during the season.
It's not like they doing anything there.
Yeah. Yo, if you rent it out during the season. It's not like they're doing anything there. Yeah.
Yo, if you rent it out during the season.
He might have got it for free.
He might have got it for free.
It is during the season.
It is during the season.
It is during the season.
All the lights are on.
Everything's going just for him.
Like, come on, bro.
Oh, that's expensive.
You got to pay an electricity bill?
Yo, high school baseball team.
For two hours?
My God.
The fact that you even have that access.
What is that, hundreds of dollars?
Nobody can do that.
That's hundreds of dollars electricity.
I don't care how much money it is.
Nobody can do that.
How did they get the lights on at the stadium?
I don't believe that everybody can do that.
I don't believe anybody can do that.
No, I don't think anybody can do that.
How did they get the lights on at the stadium?
Because he must be cool with the owner.
Oh my God.
But like, only the owner can turn on the lights.
The owner, the lights are in the owner's room.
So y'all just go turn on the fucking lights in Madison Square Garden right now.
Walk in Madison Square Garden right now.
If you need two matching keys, you got to turn it the exact same time.
The owner's white, bro.
Nukes, baby.
Nukes.
Meek Mills is cool with a team owner.
That shit don't impress us, bro.
Meek Mills is cool with a fucking Richard team owner.
And Meek Mills still hasn't had a private date at Philly Stadium.
Yo, what if he has?
He hasn't.
What if he has?
You just couldn't post it.
It ain't on the gram.
It ain't on the gram, so it didn't happen.
Come on.
Are we more impressed?
I hate it, bro.
No, the flex is cool, but the date is trash.
Listen, the flex is cool, but if you really break down the date,
it's basurita.
No.
It is, bro.
What if the food is bomb?
Two things can be true, Al.
Son, son, son, son, son, son.
Super flexing is often whack.
So during quarantine, you had dinner in a hotel room, Al. So, so, so, so, so, super flexing is often whack. So, during quarantine,
you had dinner
in a hotel room, son.
Yeah, that shit was fire.
And the food was amazing.
That shit was fire, son.
So, boom.
What are you,
hold on, how are those the same?
A hotel room
with access to electricity
with a plug right there.
Especially when you can't eat.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
And a fucking field.
Yo, chill, chill, chill.
A field.
No, I'm defending you.
No, he's saying I'm Drake, son.
Let me take that back for a second.
No, I'm saying your date was better than Drake's.
Oh, yeah, my date's better than Drake's.
Cock.
No, it wasn't.
No, it wasn't.
You shared that with other people.
You shared that with other people.
Cock.
If the chef was just there for you.
You go out on a date and another guy gets fed by your girl.
I mean, isn't that how we all do it?
Hold on.
Yeah, that is it.
Fuck, dude.
Yo,
Al's a deconstructed date.
Yo,
I gotta go fight a chef.
I just fucked his chef up.
Yeah, you did that,
chef up.
What the fuck are you doing, bro?
Like, you know I'm with her.
Yo,
stop bringing the place
to the table, bro.
You're a bunch of cucks
having all these dudes
chefing for you. You sure what he's on? Yeah, man, I love going out to eat., bruh. You're a bunch of cucks having all these dudes chefing for your shorty, son.
Damn, man, I love going out to eat.
I'm a fucking eating out liberal cuck.
You're a fine dining liberal cuck.
Thank you for improving that.
Damn, son, no.
All right, all we're saying is,
objectively speaking, the date was trash.
Objectively speaking, the date was trash.
Two things can be true, Al.
It can be an incredible flex and a trash actual date.
Here's a perfect example.
I had a dinner.
It's backward, bro.
Can't do this.
Is it disrespectful or does it cover my ears, you think?
It's backwards.
Can you tell him it's disrespectful for him
to be adjusting and all this stuff?
I'm not going to do it if it's disrespectful,
but if it just hurts my ears.
I think it should be covering the ears.
I know they tie it over the ears.
I know they did, like it does hurt my ears
It is painful
I think as long as the hair is covered you're alright
You got a sideburns on
They gotta make like Dumbo proof wraps
What do you mean son
Dumbo is their shit
They can put one of these on Dumbo
I was about to say son
The elephant got the puck
Wrap up the elephant
I'm still waiting for the elephant got the puck. Yeah. Wrap up the elephant. That's right.
100%.
I'm still waiting for the elephant.
I'm still waiting for the elephant.
I don't think this is, honestly, it is painful for the ears.
Yeah, no, it can be, especially with those ears, it can be painful.
I was telling them, shit, my ear's not meant to go back.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, so back to the flex.
If I had a fire-ass date in the fucking middle of the Sahara Desert and some shit like that,
it would sure look beautiful.
Yeah.
But it sucks because I'm in the middle of the Sahara Desert and some shit like that. I'm sure it'll look beautiful. Yeah. But it sucks because I'm in the middle of the desert. You had dinner
at the top of the Eiffel Tower and
you rented out the whole shit. That's a
fire flex. Fucking
fire. But the food's not going to be good.
It's going to be mad cold up there.
Wind's super high.
I ran out the whole Empire State Building. I got a
private chef bringing up cold food.
The food is going to be cold. The actual date, both
of y'all are going to be like, the date wasn't fun,
but the shit was, it was ill.
The date wasn't. I'm just saying, there's a
whole department for that date that you
can go online right now and book yourself.
I hate it.
How much is it?
If it's so easy to do, how much is it?
This is odd that you're acting like it's not easy to
do, like to just rent out, or like everybody's thought of this.
Hey, let me just rent out a stadium.
Bro, there's a whole page.
Both of y'all being a little weird.
Let's go.
How much?
It doesn't say the price.
You got to fill out a request form.
Look at it.
Don't even say the price.
What part of the stadium?
What part?
Like, do you want to?
You can't even see the price.
Are you on Ticketmaster right now?
Are you trying to buy seats?
Is that what's happening?
I'm sure Drake probably said, I'll play over here.
Maybe he's got a concert lined up.
Dodger Stadium.
Free date.
This is no tie.
I'm just trying to understand the tie-in.
Haters, bro.
Like, call it out for what it is.
You're being a bit of a hater.
You're being a bit of a hater.
You're being a bit of a dick-suck.
That's it.
You're riding dick a little bit.
Gluck, gluck.
You're gluck-glucking a little bit.
Gluck, gluck.
But you're hating a little bit too much. Your cousin could get gluck-gluck. Hey,uck. You're gluck, glucking a little bit. Gluck, gluck. But you hating a little bit too much.
Your cousin could get gluck, gluck.
Hey, son.
You telling me, bro.
I've been knowing this.
You're lucky you're a lady, then.
I am.
Nah, man.
He's low-key a hater.
Just keeping him in the shadows.
He never seen him.
No, fuck out of here, bro.
I'm a little annoyed y'all didn't remember him.
Nah.
Does he have a degree or something?
Huh? Does he have a degree or something? Huh?
Does he have a degree?
Yeah.
What's his degree in?
Business or some shit.
He was an Ohio State homecoming kid.
Look at that.
He tried to hate on his degree.
This motherfucker's a comic.
Business, some shit.
He's a doctor.
Business, some shit.
It don't matter.
He actually made his parents proud.
It don't matter when you're that good looking.
Oh, he's a dentist or something.
Some trash.
What's a dude that looked like a star in a Bollywood movie.
That's who the fuck we've been talking about.
No, no, no, no, no.
There's another dude.
The best outfit of the weekend was at the actual ceremony.
Me, me.
Yeah.
It was the dude with the thing.
Darker guy.
Oh, yeah.
Your cousin.
He lives in Boston now with his wife.
Tall dude?
Tall.
The fit was fire.
Dark skin.
I'll give you that.
Or darker skin, more chocolatey.
And he is your, yeah, something, one of your parents' brother's kids.
They're up in Boston now.
Like, he's Indian as fuck.
He's Indian.
Like, he is Indian.
Oh, shit.
You know what I'm talking about.
Abhishek, maybe?
You could say that.
No, Abhishek.
No, you haven't met Abhishek.
Oh.
Nah, but he was tall.
I only met him once until this one.
Fit was fire.
Yeah, his fit was fire.
I don't remember.
Like, he looked like he was from India.
From.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's probably him.
Yeah.
Abhishek, yeah. Abhishek Yeah And then there was the other dude With the beard
Earrings he looked like the villain in every single
Bollywood movie
Yeah yeah
He does look like the villain
That's the man son
Alright what else we got yo
We got
Richard Branson going to space.
Oh, yeah.
These billionaires fighting over.
But you see his little fucking puddle jumper?
That little bullshit.
The Cessna?
Space Cessna?
Yo, son, that little space Cessna was garbage, son.
And he didn't go to space.
Son, he went to the top of the sky.
He barely even went to space.
Yeah.
And he really make it a big deal.
Now, if you float, you're in space.
Say what?
If you float, you're in space.
I could float.
OK.
Every black guy on earth could float.
But no, I could float.
If you go high enough on a plane.
Do you think the snake charmer makes the other guy float?
I don't know where I was getting at.
I was just going to try to make his snake float.
You float by blowing the fucking flute.
That could work. Yeah, it depends where you're from. Come on. You don't know. You know? You float by blowing the fucking flute. That could work.
Yeah.
It depends where you're from.
Come on.
You don't know.
You don't know.
We're teaching you about your culture.
All right?
Stop it.
Get your shit together.
This shit is tight as fuck.
I got to just go with the Ramal.
Put it the right way.
And here's Dove coming in.
He's like, go into space easy.
We could all go to space.
Come on.
I'm looking right now.
There's a group out for it.
There's a group out. I mean, they're going to do it in 2022. We could all go to space. Come on. I'm looking right now. There's a Groupon for us. There's a Groupon.
I mean, they're going to do it in 2022.
They're going to go there.
Are you going to space?
Nobody's touching Elon Musk and his...
All right, we get it.
You're missing a Tesla.
Thank you.
I think that we got it.
You still own a Tesla.
Say what?
You still own a Tesla.
I still own it.
Oh, yeah, you still own a Tesla.
Former Tesla.
Yeah, former Tesla.
The only Tesla I own is part of the company.
Yeah, Tesla. Oh, shit. Big Tesla owner. The only Tesla I own is part of the company. Oh shit.
Big stepper.
Big stepper with your two shares.
Big stepper.
He's a part owner of Tesla.
You are a part owner, dude.
How many shares you got?
Let's bring out shares.
How many shares do you have?
He's got a lot.
How many shares you got?
Whatever you bought, I still own 10 times as much.
Oh, God damn.
Oh, shit.
Damn, son.
He called you a bitch on your own podcast.
He did just call you a bitch.
Yo, this is your Andrew Schultz's podcast.
Welcome to Doug's Flagrant 2.
And now he's dumb.
But he's my son, so it's okay.
Oh, shit.
Kiss him on the forehead, dog.
Kiss him on the forehead right now.
Oh, shit.
He just called you his son, son.
Yo, this is better than being depressed.
Oh, my God.
Yo.
Let's go.
Rent out Dodger Stadium.
Palestine from the river to the sea.
That's all I'll say.
From the river to the sea.
Free Palestine.
We're supposed to be in green squares all day, though.
Okay.
We're going to be switching some things up over here.
Free Palestine.
You're wearing blue right now.
I am wearing blue.
For Israel.
Oh, is this for Israel?
That's your blue square right there.
That is actually Israel blue right there.
He said he dressed you too, son.
He said he dressed you too, son.
I'm all out of energy.
Fuck you, dog.
Son, how many shares you got?
How many shares you got?
Just say the number, bro.
Just say it, dog.
Say the number, son.
People can't see your fucking face anyway.
They can see your big ass nose.
I got $350,000 worth of Tesla.
God bless you.
What do you have?
Show me the three.
Yeah.
Pussy.
Pussy?
Nah, he said that still light.
Nah, he ain't got shit.
You're part owner though, for real?
The level of shares I own, they send me invites to the Elon called you ever?
What did he get you for your birthday?
Definitely didn't get the drive
Share price is rising
I mean not recently
You should have said that with more confidence
I've never seen you lack confidence in delivery
By the way, 12 of you
attacked me that night when Alex
pulled up his Tesla
Oh I killed him
You embodied me that night Y' pulled up his Tesla. Oh, I killed him. Oh, I killed him.
Oh, I have it.
You embodied me that night.
No, no, you don't remember?
Like, y'all were just making fun of him.
And y'all were just fucking killing him.
And then it was you, my girl.
Maybe it was Mark there.
This is so fucking weird.
I don't know.
I don't think I would.
I was on time.
Y'all were just killing his Tesla.
And then my girl called me over.
She was like, we're ganging up on Dove.
And then you were just trashing it for not having to drive by yourself or any of that kind of shit.
Yeah, you got a silent Honda.
Like, come on, bro.
Sorry.
Sorry.
I had to land the final blow, son.
What was it?
I'm not telling you again.
You don't deserve it. You don't deserve it, bro. You know what it was. You know what it was.'m not telling you again. You don't deserve it.
You don't deserve it, bro.
You know what it was.
You know what it was.
It's your old Tesla.
This shit is fine or what?
It's so great, dude.
I love this car.
I'm so happy.
You see our car's driving that Tesla?
Don't you want that?
No, he got driven in the Tesla to his ceremony.
I had my fine-ass cousin drive me.
I laid the seat all the way back,
took a little nap.
Shit.
That was low key
a little sad
when you pulled up though.
When you pulled up,
he was like off in the corner.
He just turned around
and started walking away, son.
Yeah.
The Tesla
and the wife.
I'm kind of cucking
your Tesla.
Oh, shit.
I'm kind of cucking
because it's still yours technically.
The title's in his name.
Transfer hadn't happened yet. It's taken a couple more weeks. I'm so happy you're alone. When are the title's in his name transfer hadn't happened yet
it's taken a couple more weeks
by the way
I'm so happy
you're alone
when are we going to transfer
out of you fucking
I'm so happy you're alone
putting supercharging
in your name
by yourself
because I keep getting
these like little alerts
I'm so happy you have no one
hey hey hey hey
I'm so happy you have no one
in this world
hey thank you Dove
thank you
for that supercharging
who's going to be with Dove
on his deathbed you think
when he dies
he'll be alone dude
he'll be alone just him and some Tesla shares
To the moon
That's where you're going with the Tesla shares
To the moon
Alright do we care about these billionaire cucks
Going to fucking space
That's a flex why can't we talk about that being an actual flex
No cause it's embarrassing cause you in second place
And now you're trying to get first on some bullshit you really go you
want to be there on a technicality but like a motherfucker went to that same shit on a hot
air balloon like you don't even need a spaceship you need hot air yeah literally if you got a
balloon you could go just as far david bland done did this already yeah bro like your shit is stupid
that virgin what is his name richard branson he sucks He's not a virgin But that guy has tons of sex
No I know
But he sucks
He's a pussy bro
He's
No no no
That guy's a loser
He's a fucking loser man
He's a loser
Such a loser
Such a loser
I'm gonna go to the top of space
Before you
But you did it on some
Technicality shit
It's like if Drake
Didn't rent out Dodger Stadium
He rent out like
The Anaheim Angels
Do you know what I mean? Like go for the real shit Go to space or don't What is space? Say what? shit. It's like if Drake didn't rent out Dodger Stadium, he ran out of the Anaheim Angels.
Do you know what I mean?
Go for the real shit. Go to space or don't. He's been talking about... Say what?
What is space? Orbit? What is consent?
No, no. But like,
yeah, be out of here. Be out of here, bro.
Go to space.
They were floating.
Andrew can back this up.
I floated. I floated in the fucking
the hover machine.
What's that shit called?
Hot air balloon?
No.
Oh, indoor skydiving?
Indoor skydiving.
Floating is overrated, B.
That was easy.
And also, when you go
in a hot air balloon,
you can float.
It's not that hard, bro.
Floating is not that hard.
Son, they'd be doing
that shit in Turkey
with like 100 of them.
Exactly.
Richard Branson is a cock.
Dude, and I mean that sincerely. I didn't hate him until that. Now Turkey with like 100 of them. Exactly. Richard Branson is a cuck.
Dude, and I mean that sincerely.
I didn't hate him until that.
Now I'm like, it's so whack.
Because you're in second.
I hate it because it's just like a list of people that like, I want us to get invited to Necker Island.
I want us to go.
Yo, you're such a cuck, yo.
He wants to be in Hawaii.
I know.
Son, you're a grown man. Have your own too, you fucking... Any island you can get an invite to.
We'd probably still be alone there.
Hey, Andrew, I got a call scheduled at 1.30 with this lady.
She gets you into Epstein Island.
Very important.
Very prestigious.
Yeah.
We can get some seed money.
No, but I will back up Andrew
because he did turn down
being able to shoot
at the Brooklyn Nets
arena
the special
because he's like,
it's not MSG.
Not MSG, bro.
We can't do it.
They would have spent
a lot of money to do it.
I'd have done it,
but respect to you for not doing it. We gotta do it. I'd have spent a lot of money to do it. Respect. I'd have done it, but respect to you for not doing it.
We gotta do it. I'd have Branson
that shit for sure.
Been floating in Barclays?
Do you guys not have a sour taste in your mouth about Branson
at all? I don't like it. No, I don't like it
because you were losing. So just let
this guy beat
you instead of kind of trying
to beat him and then pounding your chest. I got
there first. No, you didn't. You just said fucking
sore loser. Yeah. But he's been
doing the Virgin Galactic shit for a while.
Shut up, dog.
He did it.
One of his test pilots
died. Nothing annoyed me
that I have a point and somebody shits on it
right away.
Mark really likes this guy.
Why do you like this guy?
When I be talking to my girl,
like suggesting shit at the wedding,
like before I say anything,
I have to be like,
just hear me out.
Think about how it could potentially be good.
Because no matter what I suggest,
it's wrong.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You gotta suggest the wrong shit.
That way she goes back at you
and then picks the one you actually want.
That'd be a smarter way to do it.
Sometimes I be getting excited about my ideas.
My ideas are fire.
Hit us with one idea.
You're doing the sword.
That's one thing you
said you were going to
do.
Definitely sword.
From the Punjabi
wedding.
No, no, no.
Hit us with one idea.
No, I don't want to
give away my wedding
shit.
You know what I mean?
Have these motherfuckers
try to copy me.
Bridger Branson's
going to get married
two months before you.
Bridger Branson's
going to be getting
married right at my
fucking destination too. Bro, if you get married to Space, you? Richard Branson is going to get married right at my fucking destination too.
Bro, if you get married in space,
don't be so pissed.
Dude, fuck that.
Dude, what a cuck.
My whole life I dream of a baby
when I'm a big boy.
Welcome to space as a big boy.
Hey now, what could you dream of?
Like if you got an island, you're great.
Son, ain't no reason to have an island. What's your need to do on an island, yo? Like nothing good you got an island, you'd rape. Son, ain't no reason to have an island.
What you need to do on an island, yo?
Like, nothing good happening on an island.
Nothing legal happening on an island.
Why do you need to separate yourself from the rest of the world?
But you need your own country.
Come on, B.
What's the war on that country?
Something a little sus about that.
What's the age consent on that country?
You got an island, you're raping, bro.
I mean, Johnny Depp was beating the dog shit out of his wife on an island, wasn't he?
I'm not saying he was raping her, but he was beating the dog shit out of his wife on an island, wasn't he? I'm not saying he was raping her, but he was beating the dog shit out of her.
Which island?
Come on, right?
Right?
You know what I'm saying?
Or wrong, son.
You drove to that island, dog shit all over that island, son.
Yo, you got a bastard hound or something like that?
Why is there so much dog shit
on this goddamn island, bro?
Oh my God.
Johnny Depp was there.
Yeah.
If you have an island, it's sus.
Yo, if you got an island,
you're sus, bro.
Yep.
At the very least.
And watching him
fucking rape the space race like that,
he a rapist, dog.
There you go.
I like that he bugged Bezos.
I'll be honest.
That's what I like about it.
Bezos sucks too,
but Bezos ain't no bitch about it.
I love it.
I love that they're all
bitching at each other
and then Branson goes,
oh yeah,
no, I'll go to space.
No, but Elon Bin won.
He just beat him on
technicality.
Elon Bin had rockets, yo.
Elon is in first.
He didn't go.
He's scared.
Yeah, he is pussy.
Elon is pussy.
That's fine,
but he don't care.
He's not beating his chest about it.
I was first in space.
I sound like fucking gluck gluck. Richard Branson didn't say that. He was just up there. That's fine, but you don't care. He's not beating his chest about it. I was first in space. I sound like fucking Gluck.
Richard Branson didn't say that.
He was just up there.
He was saying when he was a boy.
That's all he wanted.
When I was a wee little boy.
When I was a wee little boy growing up in England.
I was so excited.
I got up in the space.
And then we went up there.
And I brought exactly nobody from my life
but scientists because all they care about
is me.
I will say the fact that he wrote that shit
was a trap. Shut up, Mark.
Why are you defending this motherfucker?
He sucks, yo.
Feelings, no facts. He sucks.
I just said it was trash.
When I was a wee little boy,
I thought I would have all my hair
until I died.
So instead,
I put my broom on my head
and I had over it.
If he riffed it,
I'd be like,
all right.
But the fact that he wrote it,
I was like,
that's what you wrote down?
That was your essay?
What will the next generation
of rapists do
with their billions?
Bro, for real. Feed someone, feed somebody literally that's kids starving dollars like you can literally make kids not poor anymore yeah
there's some poor they got too much space in their stomachs what are you doing some kid in
guatemala's like whoa yeah he's an amazing guy a cuck, dude. He's a fucking cuck.
Hey, Richard Branson, you're probably watching
because you got no other friends, you fucking
dork. You're a cuck. He's a fucking dork.
You will invite us to your island so somebody
will hang out with you, you fucking cuck.
Imagine inviting people that aren't your friends
to your island. That shit would suck.
I don't like hanging out with not my friends in general.
Because you got friends. He don't.
He got no friends. People got no friends. Most people got no friends.
And you're stuck on an island with them.
Say what?
You're stuck on an island with them.
And you're stuck on a fucking island, dude.
This guy's a loser, bro.
Absolutely.
You're a fucking loser, dude.
It's unbelievable what a monumental loser he is.
Hey.
His little helicopter he took up there.
That shit ain't even a plane, bro.
Did you see that?
They literally, you saw how they sent it up in the air?
Motherfucker cocked back his elbow and then tossed the plane.
That's how little his stupid little fucking plane was, bro.
Who's the coolest billionaire, then?
Billionaire or millionaire?
Billionaire.
Who's the coolest billionaire?
Yeah.
Jay?
Jay, not a billionaire.
A little barely billionaire ass.
Hey, hey, hey, relax.
Relax.
All right, so let's take a look.
Relax.
Real billionaires. Real billionaires.
Super billionaires.
The real wealthy, wealthy motherfuckers.
Yeah, not motherfuckers.
Barely keeping their head above water.
Yeah.
Motherfucker like this, like this.
I hate her.
Which is 900 million.
Fucking broke.
900 million.
We round it up.
Broke boy.
Broke boy.
We need a billionaire, bro.
Real talk.
Who is the best billionaire? Yeah. Who is the best billionaire?
Yeah.
Who's the coolest billionaire?
Like, super billionaire.
Honestly.
Who you say?
Oprah.
I think she's not trying to go to the moon with her money.
That's the liberal cuck answer right there.
Yeah.
Yeah, bro.
Come on.
Well, you know what?
These motherfuckers ain't really billionaires.
Like, you don't got the cash.
You're not a billionaire.
You got your little stock options, but you can't sell them because then the stock drops. You're not really a billionaire. That's almost all of them. Like, Jeff Bezos, you're not a billionaire. Oh, okay't got the cash, you're not a billionaire. You got your little stock options, but you can't sell them because then the stock drops.
You're not really a billionaire.
That's almost all of them.
Like, Jeff Bezos, you're not a billionaire.
Oh, okay.
Jeff Bezos, you're not a billionaire.
Elon Musk, you're not a billionaire.
You don't even got a house.
Oh, I sold all my houses.
Oh, however.
Why don't they all sound like that?
Right?
Because when I'm older,
like me papi's age,
I'm going to have no houses and rent me houses.
Owning a house is such a material asset.
I'm going to get rid of all me material assets.
Yo, real talk, that's super cocky, dude.
Oh, fuck.
Yeah, just let someone else live in your house, bro.
You don't even got your own house.
You got to ask permission every year. let someone else live in your house, bro. You don't even got your own house. You got to ask permission every year.
Can I still live in your house?
Can I still live in your house
or do I have to move all me valuables?
Wait, that's what I do.
Son, exactly.
Why is he not living like you, son?
That's a good point, yeah.
God damn, bro.
Is it Bill Gates?
Might be Bill Cosby, son, if we really be honest.
Oh, my God. He great. Bill Gates, if we really want to talk Is it Bill Gates? Might be Bill Cosby, son. Oh, my God.
Bill Gates, if we really want to talk about the.
He had a side bitch locked in.
He's tried to help the most.
If you really want to talk about the motherfucker who's tried to help the most people.
Now, if you look at him helping for nefarious intent, he's the worst.
Right.
But if you look at him helping for altruism, like if you literally look at him trying to
like vaccinate parts of the world and end the things that are killing, like actually
help the most people.
If you look at it through zero criticism, probably help the most.
Yeah.
If you look at it with what's the word like?
Rose colored glasses.
Rose colored glasses are like given the benefit of the doubt.
Yeah.
It's Bill Gates.
Yeah.
And the guy had a side bitch locked in.
Once a year, I get a vacation with this bitch.
Don't worry about how ugly she is.
Yeah, she was an ugly side bitch.
Yeah, but it's locked in.
But it's locked in.
Son, if you own an island, son, you're a rapist.
And Gates had a mansion, not an island.
His house was an island.
It's a big-ass house.
Come hang out.
My house. I'm just saying, why do you need to be on an island? That house was an island. It's a big ass house. Come hang out. My house.
I'm just saying, why do you need to be on an island?
That's weird, dog.
Yeah, that's a lot.
That's weird, bro.
Something illegal going on.
Go.
Shakira owns an island.
Leonardo DiCaprio owns an island.
I mean, come on, right?
Oh, shit.
Mel Gibson owns an island.
Sorry, dog.
John Lennon.
I know who's not allowed on that island.
Steven Spielberg owns an island.
John Legend owns an island?
No, not John Legend.
John Lennon.
He owned an island.
John Lennon dead, bro.
I guess he used to.
Tyler Perry owned an island.
Facts.
What do you think he's doing on his island?
You're the guest.
Cracking chocolate cheeks, bro.
Chocolate cheeks.
Yo, son.
Dressed as Madea.
Yo, you know what I'm saying?
Tell her.
Oh, shit.
Nicolas Cage owns an island.
Oh, fuck, yo.
Man, chill out with that shit.
Fuck, bro.
What you going to do now, son?
Stop, stop, stop.
Son.
Eczema Archipelago.
He owns one of the little islands in there.
Oh, my God, Schultz.
What you got to say?
That don't count.
It's not an island like that.
He probably got his house on a little water-surrounded land.
Maybe it's a pencil.
It might be a pencil. Yeah, it's not an island.
It's a little archipelago, and it's a
water-surrounded land. Yeah. It's not
an island. Yeah, he just has like what, like a
moat or whatever the fuck that is. Yeah, it's a water-surrounded
land. Yeah, it's just a moat. That's worse, dog.
If you just say, yo, come to my water-surrounded
land, that sounds way better than like, come to come to my island like my archipelago kravitz owns the island
how hard is it to own an island bro nah that's fly lenny's always been fly how easy he always
been fly but that's water surrounded if you a millionaire got an island that's a flex if you
a billionaire got an island you're a loser that's what i think it is oh because she can't i'm like
that's kind of cool she could afford an island yeah. Yeah, I didn't know she was cake. But then, buy a city.
Yeah, King's yeah.
Buy a country, bro.
How hard is it to buy a country?
King Cuck, Richard Branson, it's like, dog, you're a loser,
man, you're a liar.
Nah, but then you gotta take care of people
if you own a country and shit like that.
I mean this sincerely.
Take care of people.
Like, you gotta worry.
You gotta worry.
Instead of watching all the poor people in almost space.
I would spit on Richard Branson if I saw him.
Jesus. This guy's crazy. Keep it in space, you couldn't touch him, dog. He should've float, if I saw him. Jesus.
This guy.
Keep it in his face.
You couldn't touch him.
He would float.
He would dodge it.
That's facts.
And then come back around.
In order to hit him?
Hit him in the back of the head.
Yeah.
In the back of the head.
He wouldn't see it.
No one sees it.
That guy.
Wait, no.
I was so gay.
That's so gay, that almost face shit.
Yeah.
Fuck that, dude.
I got an indian friend whose
dad used to insult him by calling him a secret secret which is just like you're just somehow
as an insult you're a c student but he's a c greater billionaire greater c greater oh
but he's a c greater billionaire that's hilarious that's how you guys insult each other it's not
even fail that's good you gotta try you want to fail you probably didn't try but you've
tried and got a seat yeah fuck that um guys is there anything else no i had a story about miles
oh yes we got another milestone so it's so funny. We're leaving. This is after night one.
Your cute nieces are walking out.
We're all talking about like, oh, my God, they're so beautiful.
They're so beautiful.
And Miles is like, yo, it sucks.
I'm never going to have kids that cute.
And we're like, Miles, what do you mean?
And then he's like, look at me.
I'm never going to have kids that cute, but he's really just a black.
He's never going to fuck a black girl.
It's so funny.
He had to dance.
He was dancing.
I was just so entertained.
Has Miles never been with Chocolat?
I doubt it.
What?
Has Miles never been with Chocolat?
I can't confirm that.
No, I don't think he has.
That's it.
If you look at the picture
Anytime a guy says I can either confirm or deny
He confirmed it
He's never even made out with Chocolat?
I don't think so
Maybe he's made out
You don't know what he's missing?
No, you gotta hook him up
We gotta get Miles
We gotta get him
He looks like the kind of guy
I can see him with like a Vietnamese chick
That's such an insult
That's such an insult
That's the biggest white guy insult
I'm already shitting
That's such a white guy
That's your man
You guys think Vietnamese women are on a prize
A white dude
That's that weird white shit you're talking about.
Yup.
Calling him a fucking prize.
Yup, I know.
Fucking conquistador ass motherfucker.
That's a prize, bro.
They should be treasured.
They're not scouts and shit like that.
They're a jewel.
I don't know why
that shit is an insult,
but we all know
why that shit is an insult.
Yeah, it is.
I can see him
like a Vietnamese girl
that needs to get into the country. He Yeah, it is. I can see him with like a Vietnamese girl that needs to get into the country.
I need citizenship real bad.
I can see that.
You a terrible best friend.
Yeah, I know.
You the worst best friend.
I'm going to hook him up, though.
No, we got to get him a black girl, bro.
Yeah, she's a black girl, though.
A black girl would really whip him into shape.
Yeah.
If he could handle it, it would really whip him.
I think we need a black, beautiful woman.
He gets a black girl, he's going to come in here like Chet a black girl, he's gonna come in here like Chet Hanks.
He's gonna come in here like Chet Hanks.
Swagged out.
I think we need, I think Miles needs a black girlfriend.
We need to get Miles a black queen. He would make it a white boy fall.
We could do white boy fall.
Miles goes black queen, bro.
Miles needs a black queen.
Nubian queen. Nubian princess.
Nubian, bro. Facts a black queen. Nubian queen. Nubian princess. Nubian, bro.
Facts.
Bald headed.
Shaved head.
Black woman.
Shave butter.
Yeah.
What'd you say?
Shave butter.
Shave butter.
He could take her to like a high school baseball field.
Go on a little date.
Them little peewee baseball parks.
Miles is going to go to the bowling alley
all hours.
Maybe they're at 430.
Bowl more lanes.
We're eating on lane nine.
He'd be on the date
and cooking the food.
You like hot dogs?
Where's Miles, bro?
We got...
Miles!
Miles!
Nah, he's gone.
Anyway, guys,
we love y'all. We appreciate y'all.
But most importantly, Akash,
we're so proud of you, man. Congratulations
on getting married. Thank you, man. Love you guys.
We love you. We're grateful to be there
for that amazing celebration. Congratulations
to your wife.
She's got an amazing guy.
So, yeah.
Do yours in
six months. You guys are bachelors.
Bachelor cucks.
You guys are such bachelors, dude.
You got you coming up.
Yeah.
You guys are bachelor cucks, bro.
Unlike me and Akash, we are married as fuck.
Yeah.
Married as fuck.
But you never had a bachelor party, son.
No, no, no.
I might do mine after.
I told her I might do mine after
And she's like
Yeah
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
Yeah
It's not gonna happen
You're going to the bowling alley
With Miles right
Ill ass bachelor party
Isn't that a me bachelor party
Yeah
It would be
Just a regular day
Oh my god it's two lanes guys
Yeah it's unlimited hot dogs
Unlimited nachos
We're in
Who's in
All night Maybe we'll just? who's in? all night
maybe we'll just have a lock in
well anyway guys we love y'all we appreciate y'all
and Patreon episode
this Friday we will see you there
patreon.com
sign up join the asshole army
support the flagrancy
thank you so much. Peace.