Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Professional Come Guzzler w/ Jessa Rhodes
Episode Date: October 15, 2019This week Andrew, Akaash, Kaz, and special guest Jessa Rhodes discuss:Â Â the hustle of porn, how to baby bird with your significant other, the best handshake in the world, the Cowboys having a huge L... against the Jets, NBA being weak against China, and much more. INDULGE!!! Want to hear an extra episode a week? Become a Patron! www.Patreon.com/FLAGRANT2
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Okay? Do that right now now you go get it now uh before we start the show with our illustrious guests we got some dates coming up right now um you could
catch me palm beach uh one night only october 26th then i'll be going out to cali. I'll be in Chico, California the 1st of November. Then the 2nd and 3rd,
I'll be in Sacramento. 2nd sold out. 3rd, early show sold out. I think there's a couple
tickets left for the late show on the 3rd. Then we're coming back. We'll do the Wall
Street Theater in Norwalk, Connecticut on the 14th of November. Then the Wilbur Theater
in Boston. 1st show sold out, second show
Got some tickets left, get that
And then we're doing Town Hall New York
First show sold out, second got a few tickets left
Hell yeah
Man, we cooking baby, and then we got some more dates at theandrewschultz.com
Go check those, Akash
November 7th through November 9th
I am in San Diego at the American Comedy Club
Come through the next day, Tempe, Arizona
I'm at the Improv, November 10th Go to am in San Diego at the American Comedy Club. Come through the next day. Tempe, Arizona, I'm at the Improv.
November 10th, go to that.
After that, on November 14th, I'm in Hartford at the Funny Bone.
And then, Big Desi Energy is getting desi for real.
I'm going to be in Mumbai.
Oh, hey.
December 19th, 20th, and 21st at the Habitat Comedy Club in Mumbai.
Go come through, y'all.
Let's do this for real.
Yeah, that's it.
D'Ussé Palooza dates Atlanta, Georgia.
We go into the masquerade November 2nd, 2019.
Get your tickets there on d'ussépalooza.com
slash tickets.
Los Angeles, California.
We're taking over the Palladium on November 8th, 2019.
And just announced today,
the biggest D'Ussé Palooza ever.
I'm not going to be able to say exactly where it is yet,
but you will know very soon.
December 13th, 2019, Brooklyn, New York.
Get your tickets.
That's all I'm going to say.
Okay.
Okay, let's get the show started.
Let's get it.
What's up, everybody?
Welcome to another episode of Flagrant 2.
No easy buckets.
Analysis by assholes.
Water cooler commentary for your sports needs.
I'm Andrew Schultz.
I'm here with Akash Singh.
Real life Kaz.
We got Alex and Eden on the ones and twos and a very special guest.
Special guest.
Jessa Rhodes is in the building.
Welcome.
What do you want to go by?
Porn star?
What is the common term?
Internet personality?
Featured dancer?
First off though, you got to call me...
What is this new shit?
I knew you were going to call me out on that.
What is it?
No, not vegan.
I prefer the term professional cum guzzler.
Professional?
Set the tone early.
Just come straight out with it
Just call it what it is
Call it spade a spade
No I'll be honest
I don't research videos
Before we have guests
In the industry come
Same
So I've only seen
One
I don't believe you
No no no
I've seen two things
Right
I've seen one
Of you
I've seen one of you
And it was a scene
Where like
You're in a shower and someone
is kind of like watching
you in the shower and then they come in.
Do you know what I'm talking about? I know exactly what you're talking about.
First of all, that's a little uncomfortable as like, I'm
already watching you.
There's like a moving camera
that makes you feel like a real fucking creep.
You're like,
sneakily comes in with that. I was like, dude, this is
too much.
Let me ask you. We're going to flip this around. You're like, sneakily comes in with that. I was like, dude, this is too much. This is too much. So then he joins.
So let me ask you.
We're going to flip this around.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Take control, Tessa.
No, I'm just kidding.
Okay, so what kind of porn do you guys watch?
I'm always curious.
There's one.
Just one.
Just one.
And that was one of my questions for you today.
Have you met Rick from Backroom Casting?
Rick from Backroom Casting?
No, I have not.
Why are you acting like
You don't know who he is
He's a goat
I actually don't
He's a fucking man
I actually don't
I'm about to like
Backroomcastinghouse.com
For as long as I've known Andrew
He's loved this
This man
Say it
This man
And his fucking regular penis
Dude
This is Rick's dick
It is a
It is a three quarters
Poland spring
It is so average-quarters Poland spring.
It is so average, but he doesn't- Product placement.
I wish we got that Poland spring money.
I wish.
Write the check.
Write the check.
Vein.
Oh, yeah, I can draw his dick.
I can draw the veins in his dick.
I need to get you some more Spank Bank material.
No, no, no.
I have it all.
I've seen it all, and I went through it.
We all got the internet.
Yeah.
You know, not that. It's the webs.
Oh, God.
There's porn about this.
What year is this?
Those train tapes?
If you know the veins on his cock, sir, that's taking it a little too.
It's one.
It's a big one.
It's just one.
I think he loves it for a different reason.
It forks.
Like the Thames River.
Oh, dear God.
Thames River. You New York fucker. What is it called? It's the River Thames. Not the Tim's River. Oh, dear God. Tim's River.
You New York fucker.
It's the River Tim, not the Tim's River.
I Americanized it, bro. It's Columbus Day.
You New York this, son.
You New York this.
The River Tim. That's the French one, right?
It's the river you take to the Bronx
when you want to go stomp somebody out.
The Tim's River. Tell me more.
I have a body. I'm trying to figure out where I need to hide it.
Okay.
So here's the thing.
What's the thing, Andrew?
Now, your porn,
I'm not going to lie,
it's way more elegant
than Rick's, right?
That's probably why
I haven't shot for him.
There you go.
Standards.
Levels, my friend.
Levels.
Yours,
you are known
as a porn star.
You are,
and I researched,
12-time AVN nominee.
Oh.
Oh, nominee.
Has it won?
Yes, I have.
Yes, I did.
You did?
This year.
I've won Best Supporting Actress for X-Fiz,
Best Body for Nightmoons.
Holy shit, Wikipedia.
I've seen.
And actually, actually, actually.
You need to do more research.
I just added another to the shelf.
I just won Adult Feature Entertainer of the Year
for the Exotic Dancer Awards as well.
Whoa!
I might start whacking off now.
Thank you.
If that's what it takes, I mean, goddamn.
That is award-winning facts, damn it.
What's the best supporting actress in a porn job?
Son, that was my question as well.
What makes you support and not the main?
Is it who gets the nut?
You know,
usually we like to share.
It's a little thing called
baby birding,
but...
Oh,
ew.
Oh,
God.
Hold on,
hold on.
What is baby birding?
You know how birds eat food?
Yo,
okay,
tell Rick he's got to
step his game up a little bit
if you don't know
what baby birding is. I don't know what baby birding is.
When a bird... Hold on, why are you
telling me when the bird can tell me herself?
Spit in my mouth and I'll show him.
Hold on, what is it?
What is baby birding? It's when one girl catches the cum
and then spits it in another girl's mouth. Baby birding.
That really sets you off.
That's just like fun.
Yeah, thank you.
Thank you.
Wait a minute.
So like,
we have a divided table, people.
Okay, so the girl,
the first girl gets the cum
and then the other girl feels left out.
Right.
So there's like a socialist system.
100%.
Where the resources are divided.
It's actually more like communism.
It is?
That we share everything.
Everything equally. Equally, yeah. Oh my God. Dude, porn is really on the next are divided. It's actually more like communism. It is? That we share everything. Everything equally.
Equally, yeah.
Oh my God.
Dude, Porter's really on the next, dude.
So who started that?
Like Elizabeth Warren?
Who?
Oh gosh.
She's the president.
Oh God.
That was not the perfect response.
Oh.
I was like.
No, I'm terrible.
You know what?
That's what I needed.
To be honest, I haven't.
That's my time as an adult star.
She's catching them.
No, you know what?
To be honest, I haven't. That's my time as an adult star.
She's catching them.
No, you know what?
The one thing I haven't kept up with lately is politics because it honestly just makes
me fucking depressed.
And my brain already goes to a very dark place.
I have to take shrooms to deal with like addiction and trauma and like.
Oh, really?
Oh, yeah.
You microdose?
I microdose, but I also do like once a month.
I've done like ayahuasca and like I only fuck with plant medicine but mostly I just I really
hate watching the news so yeah things like that like I know what's going on in China right now
and things like that but I'm not like I don't know I don't know like politicians by name necessarily
so most of the NBA exactly so excuse me for not knowing who Elizabeth Warren is but I will make
sure to Google
that.
Back to this.
So, okay.
So this has been decided and don't get me wrong.
You're porn next level.
Cameras are way better.
There's actual cameramen that are holding the thing.
Rick has tripods and he holds his own.
Yeah.
But your work actually employs people.
Yeah.
You're helping the economy, right?
There you go.
Here, I'm going to move that a little bit closer.
No, this moves to you if you want. Okay. So here's, right? There you go. I'm going to move that a little bit closer. No, this moves to you if you want.
Okay, so here's the thing.
I have to admit, what Rick has, authenticity, man.
Right.
He has this authenticity that draws you in, and I'm going to be honest with you, 100%.
It's like the Joaquin Phoenix Joker point.
He is Joaquin, bro.
Dude, I...
He's Joaquin.
Don't ruin it for me.
I really want to see that.
It's so believable.
Like, even, like,
for example,
if I saw you in a Rick porn,
I wouldn't believe it.
No.
You're too attractive.
He has a level of girl
that is like,
it fluctuates from like
six to like almost eight
if you went into a bar
and you tried you know that you'd probably make it
oh more than that
wait for it
every girl who's ever shopped for bricks is like
they need the money
they need it
I get what's going on
he gets off on
the desperation
he can smell it.
I mean,
he can smell it.
I call it authenticity.
You call it desperation.
Feed me, baby bird.
Feed me.
Oh, you sick son of a bitch.
Do you like it
when they cry a little bit too?
Because that's totally my thing.
When they like
get emotionally crying?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, wait.
Wait, wait, wait.
Go on that.
There's like crying
I'm just kidding
I'm not that sick
come on guys
like
I wouldn't judge
I'm just
yeah
dude that's the best move
are you kidding
just a little bit right here
to get to
he wants authenticity
there's nothing more authentic
than human emotion
authentic
no but I will say though
like I get where you're coming from
from my website
which I just bought back
and we're gutting it right now
and like putting a bunch of cool stuff on it I want to start shooting more POV
more um like regular stuff that people can like relate to like the glamour porn's cool and stuff
but people typically like one jerking off to POV and to you know that the the scenario that's like
realistic I I watch something yeah too glossy I watch something because I was we get reached out
you know if I have people in your field and I'll be I don't like that. Watch something. Because we get reached out by people in your field.
And I'll be honest with you, not every person I want to talk to.
Because I don't know if every person has an interesting story.
You know about us from Lisa.
Oh, shout out Lisa.
Lisa, the best.
The big homie.
I'm watching through your Instagram.
I'm doing a little Instagram research.
And there's two things that came to mind.
There was one thing that I thought was funny.
It was like a bet you had with
some guy. The furry?
What was it? It was a
panda head. Something like, and if like
he won, then he
had to do what? Yeah, so basically
one of my friends and I,
we were filming some content and we found this panda
head in his house and we were like,
oh, well, instead of doing something boring, like let's do some fun like game type things.
So we played ping pong and I don't remember exactly how it worked, but basically I lost
and then I had to fuck him with the panda head or like blow him or something like that.
And if I won, he was going to have to give me an hour foot rub.
So we like to keep it interesting.
I was invested.
Those levels are.
But listen, it was back to like the authenticity thing.
It was like, wait a minute. Like, okay, that's her friend. Maybe they have this cool kind of sexual relationship, but back to the authenticity thing. It was like, wait a minute.
Okay, that's her friend.
Maybe they have this cool kind of sexual relationship.
But this is a real thing.
There's no guy with handing a paycheck to someone at the end.
I'm kind of invested.
You guys are having fun with sex.
And I thought it was a little bit different.
So I was like, oh, this girl's maybe thinking about content in her field differently than the people in her field.
So we could have a fun combo.
But then it turned into Baby Bird.
Baby Bird.
No, I've also done like,
I had two of my guy friends come over
and they're both performers
and we were sitting there playing Mario Kart
and I was like, guys, you want to choose something?
And they're like, well, of course.
So I'm like, all right.
But they're not in the business.
No, they are.
Okay.
They are.
But we were all like, hey,
we're sitting here playing video games.
You're all here.
If I lose,
y'all get to tag team me.
Let's go.
Hold on.
You're going to have to come in
because I don't want to say
you're not.
When you say there it is.
I'm a little bit closer.
Oh, tag team?
No, no.
I did not mean it that way.
I apologize.
Hashtag me too.
Can y'all do that?
I was about to say
Why is that?
How does that work?
It's probably a category
It's more like a
Me too
There you go
Seriously
That's a new tab
I was looking for
Me too board
Me too board
Oh
That's bad
Yes
Me too board
Somebody out there
I'm taking notes
Yeah
Yeah Don't worry It's recorded I've won 10% That's all I need Me too. That sounds good. You know, somebody out there. I'm taking notes. Yeah, yeah,
please.
Listen,
I've won 10%.
That's all I need.
It's also not that long
of a note,
to be honest.
Better is she in?
Better is she in the print?
Is that better?
Okay,
cool.
Okay,
so back,
continue.
So you have these two guys
that are,
are they casuals?
Can we call them casuals
or non-industry folk?
No,
no,
they're not civilians.
That's what we call them.
Civilians.
No,
no,
no.
So their names are actually Ryan McClain and Lucas Frost no, no. They're not civilians. That's what we call them. Civilians. No, no, no. So their names are actually
Ryan McClain and Lucas Frost.
So they're adult performers.
Got it.
But yeah, Lucas was actually my neighbor
and then Ryan was just crashing at my house
so we were like,
oh, we're going to play video games
and I needed something for my Snapchat.
So we ended up doing like a,
like we try to draw them in
on the public Snapchat
and then we'll do like,
oh, like this is what we're doing.
If I win, if they lose, blah, blah, blah.
And then you get to see the answer by signing up to my private snapchat
and this snapchat hustle i've seen a lot of people do is this the majority you okay i'm
already breaking things that's all right um is this the much that's the gif
100 is is is this the major money maker
for porn stars now
honestly yeah
like it's
I'm
it's frustrating
because we don't
you know
because there's no middleman
I'm assuming
well no there's
it's not that there's no middleman
it's that like
now because of social media
and because of the constant
like people's attention spans
are so short
you have to constantly
stay relevant
so it's a 24-7 job
which is fine
because we also have
the ability now with snapchat with only fans with your website with all this stuff to constantly
make that money um and have that fan interaction and stuff but uh you know whereas girls back in
the day it was just like oh you had a shoot it came out on vhs blah blah blah but i'm being
but like those girls like the ones that are trying to make a comeback it's very very hard for them
to understand kind of the way that it works now.
But it's a hustle.
It's a constant hustle.
Do you know who Sylvia Sage is?
Yes!
Yeah, yeah, she's dope.
She was great.
I didn't shoot with her, but I was on a set with her.
She's really cool.
As part of the same thing.
Cool girl.
She was great.
She cut the different eyes, right?
Yes!
Yes!
Oh, God!
So cute. Oh, my God my god so we had her here and
she said something interesting she said and she said that 80 percent of porn star income comes
from escorting you know what i wouldn't say 80 but it's funny we were actually just talking about
this on bartstool um i'm very open about like my past and things like
that we any girl in the industry who says she hasn't been an escort she's fucking lying right
i don't care about it like at the end of the day sex for money
i'm sorry though like it's true I have to ask you. You got some things you want to admit? I was about to say, I'm curious. You were about to describe baby Bernie Cash. I'll take him from here.
I have to ask him.
All right, go ahead.
I'm assuming you've been on the receiving end.
I'm just saying.
He's like, uh, you know.
I know a lot of people.
I know many well-paying patrons.
I know people who partake in those.
The escorting services.
In the services, giving and receiving.
The more I hear about it,
I haven't met an adult film star
who said that they haven't done it.
They do say Kaz has a lot of jobs.
A man of many talents.
They do say that.
You were saying, a man of many talents they do say that they do say that they do say that ah
Susan did that
okay so
you were saying
so in your past
there's been times
where it's presented
yeah well no
I mean like
I'm very
and I
it's funny
because my boyfriend
wouldn't appreciate me
talking like this
but he's not here
so it's fine
we call it how it is
when girls are like
I'm a dancer
I'm like honey
you're a stripper
I was a hooker
at one point
cool
I was a very high paid
hooker but that's fine.
In Portland or in LA?
In LA.
In New York as well.
So you moved from Portland to LA?
Yes.
Okay.
This is something that's quite interesting
that you could shed some light on.
I heard Portland has more strip clubs
than any other place in the world.
I just heard that when I was in Portland.
It's Portland and Tampa, right?
Or something like that?
Tampa's wild, but Portland's different.
Portland has like, what? El Diablo or something called. I'm like, wait, right? Or something like that? Tampa's wild, but Portland's different. Portland has like, what?
El Diablo or something called.
I'm like, wait, what?
No, I'm just interested.
Well, actually, you know what?
I'm not surprised in the slightest.
It is Portland.
Right.
Let's be real.
Portlandia is so spot on.
For Portland.
They're like, can we meet the chicken?
Yeah, no, it's bad.
I love my home state.
Don't get me wrong. I think it's awesome. But no, it's definitely, there's like, my home state don't get me wrong i think it's awesome but no
it's it's definitely there's like dude i want to say for every block there's like four clubs
really yeah it's ridiculous why i have no idea i don't know why they need that many honestly and
there's like there's honestly there's way too many girls at each one. Like, it's not... And you started there? Yeah.
So you start dancing there.
17 is what your Wikipedia...
Oh, 16.
I moved out when I was 15, 16.
Started dancing at 16, yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
Now, you're still cool with your folks, though.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Another thing I saw on your Instagram.
You guys in a bonfire.
Those are the two things.
Well, I was on shrooms, yeah.
You were shrooming with your folks?
My parents...
So my parents are super conservative Christian
okay
but they're very
no but you know what
like they're very
my family's been through a lot
I'm the youngest of seven
they're very
yeah
I was actually
I was born at home
when I was born
like my mom was like
they just pushed you out
yeah it was like
she was cooking dinner
and it just
she was like
bag it tag it send it off
you know
but basically like they,
they're,
they're at a point now where like they,
I don't know.
They'd rather have a relationship with their kids than,
than not.
So there's definitely things like they've accepted me being in the porn
industry.
They've met my ex fiance who was 20 years older than me.
They've seen me go through hell and back and blah,
blah,
blah.
And basically what's,
what's important to them now is that I'm sober.
I'm in a good place to take care of myself and you know
it is what it is. This seems like the most Christian
thing you could do. Right. Forgiveness
acceptance. But when I explain
to them my reasoning behind doing ayahuasca
and messing with plant medicine and
the fact that it has taken
me away from like I have no triggers anymore, I have no
addictions anymore.
It's been really really rewarding and just the
level of gratitude and stuff that you feel like every single time you do like i used to fuck with acid but it's
just not the same thing yeah that shit is you got to be careful with those those like plants
only um but yeah it was really it was actually a really really cool experience like i asked my mom
if if i could do it at the house um because i do it as like a meditative thing um it's a whole thing
i got my sage i got my music i got my blankie you know um but i was
like hey like do you want to hang out with me and she was like yeah of course i was like you know
but no i'm gonna cry i might throw up i might talk to your plants i don't know i don't know
what's gonna happen like did you see the demons and like fight them in the no no i've read about
that like wait no ayahuasca you were doing this no no i did ayahuasca back in february but no what
what you were talking about was uh the thing you saw on my Instagram was when we were doing the bonfire in the backyard.
Yeah.
Like my parents basically sat with me and hung out and like.
I didn't know you were high.
I thought you were just having family time.
And I was like, I need to meet this porn star.
No, no, no, no.
No, it was cool.
At one point I was like helping my mom trim the bushes and she had pulled the scissors out and I started tripping it like, you know, because they come in and out like the visuals.
And I was like, whoa, like you're moving those scissors really fast.
Like calm down.
It was just funny.
Like it was a really good bonding experience with them so okay so everything
so you have this big rough patch in your life and now shit seems to be going pretty well it's going
really well you know does that scare you at all no if you change the perspective you change the
narrative you know like it's I've definitely uh it's a bar yeah sometimes like we get comfortable
in chaos and then comfort at least at least for me i
i kind of find comfort in chaos and then when things start going well and everything's working
out there's only one place it can go right so that becomes even more fearful right but that's that's
that's the fear-based thing you know i mean at the end of the day like if you can we're all in
control of everything like i've i don't know it's once you pull yourself out of a victim mentality and like tell yourself
that like,
like I feel like every morning doing your affirmations is really important.
Verbalizing things,
writing things down.
Um,
manifesting is a very real thing.
Um,
but that's why I feel like it's also very careful.
You have to be very careful what you put out into the universe.
You know,
like I have a friend,
she's always like,
Oh,
I'm such a stupid bitch.
And I'm like,
call yourself a stupid bitch.
You'll be a stupid bitch.
You know,
like just things like that. So i feel like for so many years because
i was a victim of sexual abuse or um different kinds of abuse or this or that or whatever
my struggle became my identity and that was something that i i struggled with drugs and
alcohol for a very long time and i struggled with letting other people sexually abuse me over the
years um because i was just like well, this is what happens to me
or this is like how it is.
And I'm a pretty rational person.
So one day I woke up and I was just like,
hmm, interesting, you're fucking up your entire life
because you're upset about something
that someone else did to you instead of, you know,
so I finally just pulled myself out of the victim mentality
and said enough was enough and that I deserve better
and blah, blah, blah, blah.
And it's not that simple. I struggled with sobriety for
years. Did you, is it frustrating that when people first see you, they probably assume
that nothing bad has ever happened to you in your life based on the way that your face looks,
you in your life based on the way that your face looks.
Right?
Literally, you see
you're laughing, you're having fun,
and it's just like, oh, this girl hasn't
struggled. And then if you have,
I'm sure the assumption is like, oh, she doesn't
like her dad or some shit like that.
No, definitely. There's a huge
assumption.
But you've got some shit, it seems like.
Yeah, I could write a book. But you know what? This is seems like. Yeah, I could write a book.
But you know what? This is the thing.
Yo, that laugh right there contained a lot.
He could have been Joker.
Yeah, that laugh right there.
Oh, fuck me.
Dude, that one.
I could write a book
that shit dude
you know what though
at the end of the day
yeah it's weird
because even
like the dude
that I just started dating
like we were talking about it
he's struggled a lot
with some things
that have happened to him
and he's a very positive
very well functioning
member of society
and you wouldn't think
by looking at him
or his job
or his life
that he has struggled
in the way that he has
same thing for me because I'm a very positive happy person now but i mean
i feel like that's kind of what i mean okay you're all comedians right you've had some dark times
you've learned to laugh about things find the humor in it that's what makes you
akash and i have talked about this for a long time akash i think says it really beautifully
he's like this is a defense mechanism
that we build up
this is not like
we're doing this because
we want to have
even more fun
right
there's something happening
right
and we need to build up
defense for it
we need to build up
a coping mechanism for it
you know
so we learned how to
I guess laugh
and like make fun
of these troubling times
you know
and you learned how to
baby bird feed
yes I did
for me now though like
it's funny because like like i said the guy i'm dating like i'll laugh about certain things and
he's like babe it's just strange that you can laugh about that and um i was like you know
honestly i'm laughing about it because i took something from those experiences and i learned
the lesson and now i can be like oh well that's not gonna happen again or i learned the lesson
from that so something good still came out of it and i still came out okay so i, that's not going to happen again. Or I learned the lesson from that. So something good still came out of it. And I still came out okay.
So I guess that's kind of why.
Like for me, it used to be a defense mechanism,
but now it's actually a place where I'm like,
ha, look at how great my life is now.
Fuck, look where I've been.
What was the toughest part?
I think the hardest thing that I've struggled with
my entire life was suicide and depression.
And because you, like,
when you can truly hate yourself to want to take your own
life,
that's a,
that's a very dark place to go.
And it's,
it's something I started,
I struggled with at a very young age.
I started cutting at like 12 and kind of just struggled up until recently.
But when you've hated yourself that much and then you learn to love yourself
just as much equally,
like that's a really, really cool experience. a really cool the cutting thing what is i've seen
this before and i've read a little bit about it is it a control thing is it what is what does it
provide um it's a i mean it's it's kind of like to each their own for me it was one of those things
that like i would do if i felt nothing i would. I would do it if I felt too much.
I would do it just because it releases endorphins in your brain and it makes you think about something else.
You get high off of it.
I mean, yeah, there's multiple reasons.
Wow.
There's a thing I've noticed with a lot of people in entertainment, right?
And it's like outside of past or or whatever but there's an extreme
sensitivity that i've noticed you know and i think oftentimes with with all of us the assumption is
that nothing affects us you know like we on this show will like say the meanest fucking jokes about
each other all day right and maybe it's because we have a camaraderie etc that we can build up but
i would be lying if i didn't think if i said that I wasn't a very sensitive person, like in terms of how I feel the world, you know, I think that is like the root to a lot of the suffering.
You know, because sometimes when you really feel shit and you don't have a coping mechanism for feeling, then you start thinking about what is it?
Is it drugs? Is it is it drugs is it
acting out is it how do i handle this this anxiety i don't know how to talk to my friends or family
because they don't feel shit in the way i feel and it becomes like you know i feel like at least
if for myself i'm like really fucking lucky i could just like word vomit on my parents or you
know or like go on stage and make make that but that's not an outlet yeah you need
some fun i can't bottle there's also a sense of validation too i think a lot of people who get
in entertainment because we do feel a lot and i think that we're our own we're our own worst
critics we need that validation from our audience we need that you know even though in this show
like like when i was at my worst like the the best thing that i could have done was come here
and just like talk about shit and just like having I could have done was come here and just talk about shit
and just having people that listen to it
come back and be like,
yeah, I've been there before.
Just any sort of validation
where you don't feel like you're all by yourself
when you're suffering the most.
Because that's the worst thing about it.
No matter how bad you can feel,
the worst feeling is feeling like
you're the only one going through it.
The sheer idea of seeking fame is
I want other people to
admire me because I don't feel it myself yet.
So maybe if I can get you guys to do it, I'll believe
it myself. I don't think it's
possible to want to be
famous and not have some
kind of void you're trying to fill. Yes.
And it's interesting because we
will often look at, there'll be certain comics who
actually don't seek fame or certain people
in entertainment who don't want to be famous.
And I think a lot of people in entertainment
look at them like,
well, what's wrong with them?
Do they not want it enough?
I do, yeah.
But in a lot of ways,
it's like they don't need it.
They actually won.
Yeah.
Right?
Because nobody has achieved fame
and been like,
all right, I got it.
Got what I'm looking for.
There's always another level to go.
It's always a fucking letdown. It's like if you become the most famous porn star, you're like, well, I'm not for it's always another level to get out it's always a fucking let down
it's like
if you become
the most famous porn star
you're like
well I'm not the most famous actress
you become the most famous actress
you're like
well I'm not the most famous
politician
you're not the highest paid
I'm not the highest
there's always something else
I mean that's what drives you
that's what drives you in anything
whether you're an athlete
or you're a comedian
porn star
whatever
like the form of like
when a lot of your justification
comes from people validating you, there's never enough.
Greatness comes from the void.
It's hard to have greatness without that void.
Michael Jordan is the unhappiest motherfucker.
Michael Jordan is a miserable motherfucker because there's always something else he feels like he needs to prove to somebody.
Christopher Columbus.
What?
I must have been miserable, bro, to just get on a boat and go the other way. Christopher Columbus. Well, what? We're just throwing out the idea.
I must have been miserable, bro, to just get on a boat and go the other way.
He's like, fuck it, this is America.
You know how fucking bad it must have been?
How horribly depressed he must have been?
Yo, we made it to India.
Sailing that way.
He's like, nah. This is India, bro.
We going that way.
We gonna find these Indians, bro.
Oh, man.
Because it's Columbus Day, by the way, for everybody listening. Is it these Indians, bro. It's Columbus Day, by the way.
For everybody listening, we're recording.
It is. Today's Columbus Day.
You haven't been on Twitter and seen white people
I don't. I don't. No.
I can tell by the
street fair downstairs. I'm like, oh, people are at work today.
Is that what he said?
I was going to say, I was like, yo, because my Uber had to
go like, and then I had to
finally walk, and I was about to text you and be like, yo, Andrew, thanks for being a dickhead and not telling me.
And all the streets were shut down.
I've been told you, yo.
Alex told me.
I'm fucked up.
That's all me.
We worked on Wall Street and like everybody, nobody's working today.
So it's just whatever.
But yeah, so yeah, that Columbus, I was having some thoughts.
I was ruminating on Columbus on the Uber drive here. And my takeaway for Columbus is that
not a fan of the actions,
but fan of the results.
Yo, that's solid.
We got America.
Context, context.
Meaning, we got America.
We got Latin women.
Like, there's so many things that we would never have.
We got Alex.
Alex, you are Puerto Rican.
You are a direct descendant of what Christopher Columbus did.
Right?
Wow.
Like, before Christopher Columbus, it was just Ed and looking people on Puerto Rico.
Okay, Alex.
Look at the step up, yo.
Hey, assholes.
The audio cut off suspiciously right when Akash was joking on Ed And not pointing any fingers
But no worries
You didn't miss a thing
Now back to the show
You were saying
When you pull up
A little bit more
So you get in front
There we go
There we go
Hi hi
No I was saying
The best handshake
In the world
Which
I'm sorry
We got cut off
On the Columbus thing
Oh yeah we did
We did
And then we got on
Fan of the results
Not fan of the results
Fan of the results
Not the actual
The Michael Jackson thing Like Joe Jackson Was horrible dad But then ended up Roy Jones Jr. Horrible. And then we got on to... Fan of the results, not fan of the... Fan of the results, not the Michael Jackson thing.
Like, Joe Jackson was horrible dad, but then ended up Roy Jones Jr., horrible dad, but
then we get Roy Jones Jr.
So, we're not a fan of the father.
Horrible dad, then we get Lindsay Lohan.
Nah.
Lindsay!
Lindsay!
Let's not watch that train wreck.
Lindsay Shane.
Nah, I want the Lindsay Shane.
I'm here for it, yo.
We want to be.
Oh, God. Incredible here for it, yo. We want a B. Oh, God.
Incredible.
All right, Jessa, we're going to take a break for a second.
We got to pay some bills.
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It keeps it from smelling too bad.
Oh, and I need that.
I've never taken off a pair of underwear without shit on it.
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Every single time, dude.
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I have a very chafed ass, but we don't have to get into that.
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Now let's get back to the show.
Okay, but go on.
Oh, no.
I was just going to say, you want to talk about like, you know, you said you like to do this kind of handshake.
So I could dab.
Yeah.
Okay.
What's it called?
Dab?
Dab.
Okay.
Okay.
But I'm going to share with you.
You're going to like this one.
Okay.
Go like this.
Okay.
All right.
Okay.
Milk it.
Okay.
All right.
What is that? I don't know but milking the You're the only person I can get away with that. Yo, this is good one right here, yo. No, no. This is good, yo.
Try that.
Try that, fellas.
You know how fucked up I was?
I was about to reach over.
Yo, yo.
The more I thought about it,
I was like,
this is fucking...
I also agree
that's a good answer.
Kaz is just...
He's in agreeance
with a lot of things today.
I love it.
I love it.
I can find the positive in anything Woo
Shit
That's what I was saying with Columbus Day
Michael Jackson
If we're being real
Joe didn't just give us Mike
Joe gave us Mike
Jackson 5
Father of the year
Father of the century
Not for his family
All he had to do
Was just not pull out
That's great
And like you know
He was probably
Beat him up a little bit
Yeah he's beat him up
Jesus Christ
Even Janet
And the moms
I don't know I assume
And Miss Jackson
There was more than one mom
Sorry Miss Jackson
There was one mom
What
That's something he never said That's true That's true There was more than one mom? Sorry, Mr. Jackson. There was one mom.
That's something he never said.
That's true.
That's true.
Oh, man.
But yeah, no.
Now he whooped their ass. He whooped their ass
to success, though.
That's right.
So there is
some sort of
success in touching little boys.
Trials and tribulations,
they often lend you
to great success.
Here you are,
went through some serious
trials and tribulations.
I'm going to bring this down so it doesn't block your face.
Right?
We want people to see your face.
And now you're having this success.
You're having this positive time in your life.
That's good.
You have a boyfriend.
Things are going well.
How's that like?
How'd y'all meet?
Instagram.
Like we all meet.
Son, slide into the DMs.
Slide into the DMs.
That is the greatest.
Wow, you're going to get a lot of followers today.
That's the greatest move.
All I get in my DMs is like.
Did you see the DM?
I want to see the DM.
The first DM.
Away from him?
Yeah.
Is he blue check?
Is he blue check or not?
No.
See, this is why instagram doesn't do any commercials
this is all you need to do right i have dated celebrities i've dated guys in the industry i've
dated civilians i've dated but like i personally don't like dating people who have i don't know
it's just people of fame yeah it's just it's an emotional yeah like not into it yeah no he's a
he's a boxer personal trainer for like the giants c not into it yeah no he's a he's a boxer
personal trainer
for like the Giants
Cindy Crawford
people like that
like he's very good
at what he does
he's a Hulk coach
so it's nice
and he is so confident
that he can allow
other people to have
you know what's harder
it's not the sex
as much as the blowjobs
that would really
fucking bother me
I really hope
he doesn't hear this
yo
let me tell you something now you're gonna have him thinking stop it all three of our That would really fucking bother me. I really hope he doesn't hear this. Yo.
Let me tell you something.
Now you're going to have him thinking, stop it. All three of our girlfriends are listening.
All listening.
That's all.
I'm like, uh.
Let me tell you.
Hi, girls.
We've been doing good behavior, haven't we?
Baby, notice I didn't high five this bitch.
Boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo.
She put her right here. Oh, two weeks after Sylvia came here.
God damn it.
I was like, I didn't get milked.
You don't disrespect the cows like that, bro.
You ain't the only vegan over here.
Now you're calling her a heifer?
No, he's Indian.
They love cows.
Let me ask you something. I just got out the dog house with his girl, I would never.
I'm on best mate.
I almost wanted to invite you to the wedding.
Yeah.
Now I'm good.
I'm a groomsman.
Oh, shit.
Hold on, hold on.
There you go, guys. That was a little wild. that was some sword fighting
that was some docking shit
what'd you call it?
Docking
What is docking?
Well I guess you wouldn't know
If you're straight
But docking is when
The guys put like their
Like if one of them's circumcised
And one's not
They put their
What the fuck
Yeah I just fucked your world up
Holy shit
Yeah it's gross
Y'all have done too much in porn!
Just get back to the basics!
I don't have a dick!
I need San Antonio Spurs porn!
I don't need this fancy West Coast offense
with that dick lodging inside of other dicks!
This is crazy!
What is this shit?
I got Lincoln together like the fucking
Megazords and Power Rangers.
Can you explain snowballing to them?
No.
Snowballing?
What's snowballing?
Oh, so now I'm the...
Okay, edit, we're curious.
What's snowballing?
What's snowballing?
I've personally never done this.
Snowballing is what his family
would talk about
before they came to America.
Apparently.
But it's when you nut
in a girl's mouth
and then they spit it
right back in your mouth.
Oh, and then you guys kiss.
Yes, yes, I've heard about that.
Huh.
And I've heard of Blumpkin. Oh, see, I know what Blumpkin is.
Oh, now we have limits?
What's going on? Now you're judging me.
I'm sorry, but anything involving defecation,
I'm out. Okay.
Blumpkin is you're taking a shit and then you get hit.
Which is also called the best ever.
That's also what it's called.
It's gross for you.
But for, it's like, this is the thing about like. It's gross for you. Yeah. But for,
it's like,
this is the thing about like,
It's the ultimate release.
No, no,
it's like this,
it's like this,
it's like,
it like,
for example,
like,
you know,
like hooking up with like sisters,
right?
Yeah.
That's incest just for them.
Right.
That's not incest for me.
That's on y'all.
It's like y'all are gross. Y'all should handle that with y'all.
I'm normal.
If you're purely theoretical about this,
you know how you're on your phone
and you take a shit
cause you're like
oh this is kinda fun
you know what's way more fun
getting a dick suck
yo
yeah
real talk
y'all are wild
wait you never got your pussy
while you took a shit
no
I usually use that time
to like
honestly that's too far
you know
that's what I'm saying like
there's limits
oh now we have limits
okay gross yo yo you right let me jerk off Honestly, that's too far. That's what I'm saying. There's limits. Oh, now we have limits.
Okay.
Gross, yo.
Yo, you're right.
Let me jerk off your thumb. Yeah, why?
Is it because it's too close?
Stop that.
I'm saying, goddammit.
I'll jerk off your thumb.
That's on me, bro.
No, no, I got to get a punishment.
Oh, my God.
I need a punishment for that one.
I'm too tired for this shit.
That's shit out, man.
Goddammit.
I can't.
I can't.
Okay, wait, wait, wait.
Why did we get to this? You brought up. What? No. Look at't. Okay, wait, wait, wait. Why did we get to this?
You brought up...
What?
No.
No, no.
No, you brought up the docking.
She was talking about her boyfriend.
Oh, docking.
Oh, your boyfriend, yes.
Okay, so your boyfriend.
Your boyfriend is docking.
No, your boyfriend is so comfortable.
You better get up on this table.
You better get up on this table.
Jessa.
You about to cause some problems in paradise.
You about to cause some problems in paradise.
What is happening?
Oh, God.
Okay.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. all right Why? So I stood on a single. Because I'm about to be single. I gave up the slowest move.
I was just like, whatever.
It's too late.
It's too late.
Oh, incredible.
Oh, God.
So he's so comfortable.
I'm laughing so hard, I think I actually pinched a nerve.
Yes, dude.
It hurts so much.
So confident he's willing to put up with that other stuff.
Or do you, now do you have that
same relationship with him can he do other stuff yeah well i told him that that was the case like
when i mean like i said this is all still brand new like we've been talking for a little bit but
like we just started dating so i mean i told him i was like i'm all about equality so if i'm doing
it you should be able to do it too but he said that that's just not how he is
and that's not how he feels
so that's
I like that
personally
but no
we've come up with a plan
and
I mean there's certain scenes
obviously that I will
and will not shoot
out of respect
like I'm not gonna do
gang bangs
or anything like that
you know like
I don't want to shoot scenes
where like he's
would see me being
disrespected by any means
so you have to be
kind of in control
yeah
that's a popular category.
Listen, that's what half-o-pass gets off on.
Not as good a respectable porn, man.
But no, on a serious note, though,
he actually really is that confident,
and he's very understanding.
So I'm very, very lucky to be in a relationship
with someone who doesn't ask me
to change everything
about myself
one of my good friends
used to date
an adult film star
and I used to ask him
like yo how do you
deal with that
and one time
he was like yo
one time she just
FaceTimed me
while it was on location
and she didn't realize
just how much of a job
it really is
it's not sex
at all
it's literally like
watching fucking
there's a guy on a megaphone.
There's like a million people
with lighting and all
that shit.
It's just,
it doesn't,
it's not intimate.
It's not sex.
We go in,
we fill out our paperwork,
we shoot the scene
and then we high five
and we go home.
Like it's very.
It's very industrial.
Yeah.
It's very professional
unless you're shooting for Rick.
You know,
it's very professional.
Oh, yeah. And I mean, you're going to look him up. You have to now. At this point. You you're gonna look him up you have to now
this boy
you're gonna look him up
dude I give that guy
so much for his promo
the whole vein thing
kind of freaks me out
a little bit
is it like an anger
like when I laugh too hard
or if I get drugged
like the anger
that pops out
I'm like
I don't want to see my face in a guy's pops, I'm like, I don't want to see
my face in a guy's dick, you know what I mean?
I don't want that reflection image.
I'm like, nah. It's funny, I do want
to see your face in a guy's dick.
That's what we're paying for.
I set myself up
for that one. Anybody?
Anybody?
Anybody?
No! No, Jessa!
No, you're going to get me in trouble.
We're going to just...
We're going to do the rest of the interview.
I think we need to talk to your boyfriend one of these days
and just hear that perspective.
Call him up.
Is he comfortable with this?
Call him up.
Oh, my God.
Call him up.
Oh, my gosh.
Just put him on speaker.
Quick conversation.
Okay, hold on.
You better answer on the first ring, too.
I'm still curious about the theme.
Ask him first.
Don't ruin the fun of
a courtesy text. Just call him up.
Just call him up.
Let's be honest.
One thing we know about this guy, he's forgiving.
Dollar too much.
Hold on. Let me ask him first.
You know what sucks?
I have to put my phone on speaker because it's broken.
You can't just regular phone it?
No.
Oh, that's wild.
Oh, God.
Come on, son.
Come on.
Hey, baby.
Hey, baby.
I have a question.
Am I live?
Yeah.
Let's go.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, fuck.
Fucking fumbled it.
Hello.
Hello.
We won't say your name.
Oh, can we say his name?
Yeah, that's fine.
Eric, we cool using your name, Eric?
Sure, sure.
Keep it on the first name basis.
Almond Eyes 59.
I love him already.
Okay.
All right, Eric.
Okay, so we want to call you because the three of us are all
in relationships okay we we need to understand where this is not easy my man okay i heard the
struggle no no in his voice i heard it talk to us around the feet like it's not easy my man we need
to know okay because i'll be getting upset when my girl mentions guys that she's been with before me.
Say again?
I get upset when my girl mentions guys that she's been with before me.
Yeah.
You know, like in high school.
I'll be like, why'd you need to do that?
My girl not allowed to laugh at other dudes.
Real talk?
Real talk.
That's cheating.
So, yeah.
That's cheating.
You're laughing at other people's jokes.
So how do you do it?
How do you, where does this confidence come from?
What is the coping process?
Please explain.
Oh, boy.
There's two parts to this.
Okay.
There's two parts. One Okay There's two parts One
You're in the room with her right?
Yeah
Yeah she's right here
There's the answer right there
Ah
This fucking guy
This fucking guy
Alright now tell us part two
I like that
I like that answer
And part
Part two
It's like
You gotta
Control what you can control.
You know what I mean?
There's a few things like don't mention any guys in my apartment.
You know, you want to talk about it when we're walking to grab a bite to eat.
Fine.
But it's just like, I mean, I grew up in Brooklyn.
I've, you know, I'm a bit of a connoisseur in this field myself.
But not to that extent right however however you just
kind of you got to go with but trust me on this i shit the bed the first like three to five times
oh what happened don't worry about what happened
a little bit to like get comfortable get the confidence, go and keep her smiling.
How do you keep you smiling?
Rephrase the question.
I don't think he understands what you're asking.
What do you mean?
So he's talking physically.
He shit the bed through.
He's asking, babe, they want to know what it's like dating a performer.
Hold on one second, Eric.
Kaz really thought when you said you shit the bed that you
actually took a shit in your bed. Not literally.
I mean, in the sense
of measuring.
Motherfuckers.
He said he felt like I was sexually disappointing
is what he was saying. Thank you.
Not talking about
blumpkins.
Nothing was disappointing so you
bitch me up from across the phone line i'm like
eric we need you on the podcast you got to come in one time the both of you
oh okay but to your answer to answer
your question yeah it's a matter of like yeah this is what she does there's a whole side of that
but then aside from that there's actually you know the person that no one else sees and then
you know you start to fall for that and you go down that road and it's just like like anything
else you're dating someone that has been with a lot of people and you kind of know about it.
Like maybe that girl in high school or college.
But, you know, there's them and then there's us.
You know what I mean?
Right.
You can compartmentalize, in other words.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's pillars.
You build pillars, you know, with time and experience and then that's your foundation.
And then, you know, whatever.
The rest of them doesn't really matter.
Man, Eric, we appreciate
you, bro. Yeah, no problem.
You're a stand-up guy, Eric. We fuck with you, bro.
No problem. Take care, guys.
Be good, man.
Nah, we're good. We're good. Peace.
Alright, baby. I'll call you when I'm done.
It's like the Greg Popovich of
dating porn stars.
You got pillars.
Play the game the right way
now is
and then
oh fuck
well we should
I wish I got to ask him this
now it just came to me
is that
does he watch the porn
that you do
no
well he
he admitted to me
like when we first got together
I was like
don't watch it
because that'll just fuck with my head
yes
because it
it creates
because I don't fuck that way
like I hate to break it to you guys
but
like we we fuck a little bit more wildly than we normally do because of the fact
that you're not physically there like we have to amp it up a little bit for the viewer um so to me
that puts like an expectation on me to be like oh my god is he if he's watching my scenes is he
gonna expect me to do this or that or whatever it'd be this character and um so i asked him not
to and he was like yeah yeah of course and then like a then like, a couple weeks later, he was like, babe,
I'm just gonna let you know,
like,
since you told me that,
I don't,
but kind of did a few times
before we met
and I was like,
that's fine,
that's different,
just don't do it now.
Now,
is there ever a moment
where like,
like you slip up,
like you come home from work
and you're like,
ah,
I'm a little sore or whatever
and then he's like,
and then he's like,
I mean, on the job injury, that works. Do you go to his house after a scene? I he's like, on the job.
Don't say that word.
Do you go to his house
after a scene?
I'd be like,
no,
I mean,
he lives here in Chelsea,
but I live in Vegas.
So like the long distancing
actually works for both of us
because we're not up
in each other's shit 24 seven.
That's what I'm saying.
You know how rich this dude
gotta be to be straight
and live in Chelsea?
Everyone keeps saying that.
They're like,
oh,
he's straight
and he lives in Chelsea.
I'm like,
I don't know this shit,
you know?
That's hilarious.
No, like I said,
he does well
and he's really,
really motivated
and he's,
you know,
constantly busy as am I.
So it's,
it's good.
It keeps it going.
A hundred percent.
A hundred percent.
Listen,
yeah,
it does take a lot of confidence.
I give it to any,
and he knows I'm also
very understanding.
Like we had a really good
talk last night
and I was like,
just so you know,
like I have empathy for where you're coming from like there's certain
things that i definitely i don't know if i would be able to handle or deal with so if there's a
time where you need to talk about something like be open about it i'm totally okay with you know
not coddling you but like being like there for you as to you know if you're sensitive about
something like that's you know you don't have to be a man about it. It's fine. Because that shit just breaks you.
It can, yeah.
Meaning if you just hold it in.
Yeah.
Alex, you said you wanted to-
Is he allowed to sleep with other people?
Yeah, I told him he can.
Yeah, we did that already.
Oh, I'm sorry.
It's okay.
He doesn't, but-
I was just whacking off over there.
Exactly.
But yeah, it's funny that every girl
that I know that has given their boyfriend permission to sleep around, the reaction is uniformly, well, I don't want to do that.
They don't do it.
There is something to this idea of when you say we can't, you create a forbidden fruit.
And when you say we can, we're really dogs in a lot of ways.
As long as the leash goes, we're going.
Right?
Like you never have one of those leashes that extends.
The dog goes to the end of the fucking leash.
If it was five feet, he'll be there.
30 feet, he'll be there.
So there is something, I don't know, there is something about that.
There's a risk.
For me personally, like I've always been like that since I was in the industry.
Just because I feel like across the board, there needs to be equality.
So if I'm doing something,
then that means you should be able to do it.
If you're okay with me doing it,
I should be okay with you doing it.
And then,
you know,
if the narrative changes,
then it changes.
But,
um,
no,
I do appreciate the fact that because,
you know,
we're emotionally connected and we're bonded that he's like,
well,
I don't want to sleep with anybody else.
Like that's nice because I'm not emotionally connected to those people and I'm not sleeping
with them for,
I mean,
of course,
don't get me wrong.
It's pleasurable,
but it's also a job.
Like I, it's a very professional career it's you know and there's
things that we've talked about and like the exit strategy and things like that because of course
we're always going to be there as long as y'all are together like if he's like a couple years in
the honeymoon phase is over he's like yo i know we bonded but like yeah i mean and honestly like
i love women so we've talked about threesomes at some point. It's totally fine. And he hasn't cashed in on that either?
Well, we just started dating.
This is all new.
Let me be honest.
He and your phone has minds?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, you best believe that's mine.
Mine.
With a ring?
This?
This is mine.
He can do whatever with that.
Ah.
I hear that.
I don't know what that was, but that sounded like the right thing to go.
This is mine.
He can do whatever.
She got real intense, so I just, okay.
Oh, oh, oh, his heart is.
As long as I know I have that,
he can do whatever with his dick.
Really?
Now, wait a minute.
The side bitch better be leaving the house
out the window before I'm home.
That's all I'm going to say.
Out the window?
She can't go through the-
Nope, she don't get the front door.
My man is a liar.
I like these rules.
Alex is on like the 30th. My man is a new one. I like these rules. Alex is on
the 30th floor, dog. That bitch died.
Every single time she's back.
Perfect.
I'll make sure it's
trash day. We'll just scoot the dumpster
a little bit to the left. It'll be fine.
Jess, tell them where they can
find you. We don't want to take up all your time.
No worries. Guys, social media, everything is Miss because I'm lady m-i-s-s-j-e-s-s-a-r-h-o-d-e-s
my gangster name is yes i wrote as don't forget it jessa roads.com all the things plug me snapchat
only fans all that fun shit yo go check out jessa check it out you guys yeah thank you so much for
coming we really appreciate it for coming for coming through, man. Awesome.
Hard dab.
Hold on.
Hold on.
There it is.
There it is.
There you go.
Thanks, guys.
You're incredible.
We're going to stop for a second.
We'll grab a pic, and then we'll let you get out of here.
Awesome.
All right.
Okay, guys.
That was a great interview with Jessa.
I hope you guys enjoyed it.
I had a lot of fun.
Time to pay some bills, and this one is very appropriate.
Guys, remember the days when you were ready to go?
Remember those days?
I think that we're all feeling a little bit like that right now.
Oh, yeah.
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Now let's get back to the show.
And we are back.
Guys, that was Jessa Rhodes.
Make sure you go check her out.
That was fun. I had a lot of go check her out. That was fun.
I had a lot of fun.
I had a lot of fun.
Good interview.
Yeah, she's great.
Good people.
We were just talking during the break about this, but good energy.
Female energy, if it's the right female energy on Flavor 2.
Always brings the best out of the show.
It really does.
Always brings the best out of the show.
But we need specific type guests.
Because there's a balance.
Because it's so extra machismo to Sassron in here.
Yeah.
She's not so much of a fucking tight ass that it's just enough.
Yeah.
Or it's still the same.
I love it.
It is a great balance.
If it's the right type of girl.
If it's someone who's complaining about shit and like, how could you say that?
Well, how could you say?
Nah, we're not going to.
But that's real talk.
Like that's the ideal flagrant to.
Lady asshole.
Lady asshole.
That's a lady asshole.
That type of personality,
that type of vibe is the ideal.
That type of look.
That's a little look.
That was about it, bro.
That was about it.
I mean, he's going like this.
He goes, he just now goes.
Immediately upon the podcast finish, he's like, what's your background?
What's your ethnic background?
He was trying to find any sort of brown country in there.
I need something in.
He was like, Norway.
He was like, oh, that's the whitest of the whites.
Guys, shall we start with a little flagrant thought of the week?
We got some flagrant thoughts.
Oh, my gosh.
Any flagrant thoughts?
I have a flagrant thought I tweeted that I wanted to expand upon.
All right, start it up, Kaz.
I miss terror alerts.
Terror alerts.
Talk to me.
Terror alerts.
I remember back in the day, like, fresh off of, like, 9-11, when, like.
When they gave us the color scheme.
They'd be like, yo yo it's a level orange tonight
be on the lookout
and then you could
be late for work
and just be like
oh man
there was terror
out there
it was wild out here
like it's yellow
yeah you tweeted this
and immediately
people were tweeting
this
this how much
Kaz is late to work
this how much
Kaz wants to be
late to the podcast
he wants to bring
back terrorism
just so he can to bring back terrorism.
Not bring back terrorism.
Damn, I'm losing out on one of my excuses.
Kaz is one person that has never forgot.
I was told never forget.
God damn it. No, just like Andrew said, about terrorism, I don't like
the act, but the end result.
Look at the scale.
It just gets more and more Middle Eastern looking.
Like, low terror's
green. Ain't nobody green.
Oh, that brown,
that high risk of terror attacks, bro.
Every night you'd watch the news and they'd fucking
scare the shit out of you. Like, it's the highest it's been
since right before 9-11.
Make sure you're on the lookout
for anything on the train
or the bus or whatever.
I would not go to work.
You would just dip?
I would just not go.
I'd be like, oh, it's too fresh.
I'm good.
I'm super good.
Anthrax and shit.
Like, Anthrax wasn't cool with that.
Do you think that the terrorists
were targeting the,
what was the advertising agency
you were working at?
What translation? Yeah, was the advertising agency where we're gonna well translation minority advertising agency one boot
we must prevent made in america festival in America Festival. That's what you wanted to do.
All right.
God damn.
You must stop Tidal.
Not another Jay-Z album.
What about you,
Alcott?
I don't think I had one this week,
man.
I had two last week
and then I was like,
I'll get another one
and then I just didn't.
I couldn't really think anything
except Minneapolis sucks.
That's all I can say.
Oh, you didn't like Minneapolis?
It's a horrible place. Minneapolis is a horrible place.
It's a horrible place.
Why?
What happened?
I thought everybody said the show was good.
The people who reached out to me.
Shows were dope.
Shows were dope.
But in terms of just like what to do in the city, it's fucking nothing, yo.
There's a mall.
It's a mall.
That shit can be done in five years because of Amazon.
It's actually really sad, man.
The biggest mall in America is there.
Mall of America.
Mall of America. And it is massive, dude. The biggest mall in America is there. Mall of America. Mall of America.
And it is massive, dude.
There's a hotel in it.
Did you go?
Yeah, I went.
It's pretty fascinating when you see it.
Well, here's the thing.
I was just like-
The theme park?
There's like a little theme park in there.
For somehow, in my mind, I thought it would be bigger, I guess, because Texas got big malls.
So I thought this would be like crazy.
Right.
But then there's like stores on multiple levels, like Victoria's Secret, there's like three
stores, and they're not like a three-story store.
It'll be like three different stores, and I think it's because nobody else can pay the
rent, so they're like, all right, we'll just get another.
Wait, so what are they selling to, like men, women, and trans?
So this is how big it is, right?
The mall, because there's a comedy club in the mall
right yes there are rick bronsons or something like that and that's the one i used to do
and uh so when i was there i'd need like something to fucking just to like keep me busy so try to do
the whole mall like literally walk the entire mall yeah and that's an exercise that old people do
there right and i think they do another i did it i was just like yeah let me see something yeah
so they have a bunch of victoria series a bunch of foot lockers and that kind of shit.
The mall has like neighborhoods.
So people just go to one part of the mall.
What, is there like apartments there?
Like people live there?
Well, they live around it, I think.
Like if you're a mall walker, you're like, I'll walk this part today.
If you know that they're just going to be in that place getting this, that, the other
and getting food, you've got to put your foot locker there because they're not going to want to walk all the way to the other part of the mall.
Okay.
Yeah, I might not have seen the whole mall, to be honest.
But the shows were dope, though?
Bob D was the worst fucking tour guide I ever had in my life.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
First of all, this guy took me to Somali food, which was dope, but that's it.
After that, he was like, I got nothing for you.
He gave me an arcade, and I was like, son.
I'm 35. I'll be young. I'll be only you He gave me like an arcade And I was like son I'm 35
Yeah
I'll be young
I'll be only 23
Or some shit like that
So he took you to
Young people shit
But that was all he knew
When we were in the mall
He was like
Y'all don't be coming here man
I was like
You grew up here
You fucking know
You should know some shit
But I'm in the Uber
On the way to the hotel
I'm like yo
What's good
Like Minnesota food
I'm here
What should I eat
I always like to eat
Like the shit that people recommend
He was like Where you staying I was like You know this place downtown He was like Oh There's good like Minnesota food I'm here what should I eat I always like to eat like the shit that people recommend he was like where
you stay and I was like you know this place downtown he was like oh there's a
hibachi place across the street I was like motherfuckers you think I came here
from you don't even got fucking Japanese people here and he's like yeah it's like
were you in Minneapolis yeah you see any print shit down there nothing I didn't
go to that house.
That seemed like too much.
I only had one day there. Or the club?
Nah, it was...
His house is like a fucking thing.
It's like a national...
Museum, yeah.
Apparently he never wanted.
He was like, do not do this to my house.
He doesn't like any of that shit.
He doesn't.
That's why he didn't put his shit on streaming services.
That's why he didn't do a lot of shit.
He was very anti-commercialism.
Right.
Or whatever.
Because, one, more than half of his career, he was getting fucking like commercialism right whatever because for one like more than half of
his career he was getting fucking fucked over by his label that's why he wrote like slave on his
fucking face during the grammys and all that shit that's why i changed his name to a symbol like he
was super anti-commercialism all about the art all that type of shit so anything that he felt
like commercialized what his music was outside of just like hey just buy the record he was kind of
against i'm over it. Interesting.
Yeah, I never knew.
I wasn't the biggest Prince fan.
Like, I like songs,
but I never, like,
vibed to Prince.
He's Super 10.
Probably the most talented musician I've ever met.
And I just didn't give it a real shot.
I also didn't do that
to beat the Beatles.
Well, the Beatles are trash.
The Beatles are trash, dog.
Come on, bro.
The Beatles are trash.
Let's be honest, dude.
What?
Listen. Come on. I respect, bro. The Beatles are trash. Let's be honest, dude. What? Listen.
Come on, dude.
I respect the stats.
You like Wale.
I respect the numbers.
Wale's great.
New album.
Wow, that's crazy.
Great album.
New album's got it.
Album's fire.
Thank you.
I like the album.
Thank you.
My point is-
I'm being bugging, though.
The Beatles are fire.
Say what?
I say he's bugging, though.
The Beatles are fire.
The Beatles are fire?
My point is, if you could say-
They got some slamming.
Whenever you purposely listen to a song by the Beatles, son.
When?
I will sing Yesterday right now.
Sing it.
Yesterday.
All my troubles seem so far away.
Son, slap, son.
I can not let that shit-
Whack.
Whack.
Come on, son.
Whack.
Can't get up the Beatles.
Now sing a Wale song.
Look my no hands, I. Look my no hands.
I said look my no hands.
Man, I'm darling.
I'm going to get a speech.
Oh, my God.
I'm rocking.
I think I deserve a chance.
I'm a bad motherfucker.
Seriously?
See?
Way better than a fucking Beatles.
What's your name?
I'm not here to do Wale.
That DC should have ripped all day. And my eyes look all that hazel on my eye. What was your name? I'm not here to do all my lay That be teaching a rip all day
And my eyes look all that hazel on my eye
Where's my time?
Let me take my time
We can take it outside
Watch your weaves
Sweat no bitches, sweat out weaves
Where are the tracks? Let me do my thing
I got 16 for the Roscoe thing
We're almost done, let me get back to it
A little backwoods
Put on a train
little engine
could've
bitch
yeah
way better than
the fucking Beatles
Alex
this song ain't even his
fuck you guys
Beatles ain't do no features
fam
Beatles ain't do no features
wow that's crazy
go get the album
and stream it down
with the boys
respect to Wale
respect to Wale
but in all seriousness,
Beatles is a great band. You can't even
deny that.
They got the numbers to prove it.
They got more hits than Prince.
Nah, but
he's a better musician. He's a better artist.
Without a doubt. But sometimes what happens
is the best
technical person isn't
the most successful artist
because you got to come at a time and place.
True.
You know what I mean?
They're all those dudes
that write all the albums.
They write all the songs for Beyonce
and all these pop stars,
but they can't write their own shit.
Exactly.
The Beatles had the right thing
for the right time.
Yeah.
I mean, I get it.
I get the popularity.
I understand why they were big shit, but to say, I mean, I get it. Like, I get the popularity. Like, I understand why they were big shit,
but like,
to say, I mean,
oh, I guess Prince,
the motherfucker,
Purple Rain.
You kidding me?
I'm saying.
Abalonia,
Little Red Corvette.
I think that,
I think people
wrote every word.
Yo,
Prince don't got one song
that could fuck with
Imagine.
No, no, no.
Purple Rain,
Purple Rain.
Come on, son. Purple Rain, Purple Rain is like. Come on, son.
Purple Rain, Purple Rain.
And then that shit
goes downhill.
Yeah, but that's
all you need.
That starts at
Purple Rain, Purple Rain
and that's all you need.
Don't you have to be
beautiful
to be me.
Yes, you do,
you lying ass motherfucker.
This guy's talking
to ugly bitches
trying to build them up.
That's what happens when you live in Minnesota.
Motherfucker wrote that whole album in Minnesota.
He was the first Beyonce.
He was speaking to all the ugly bitches.
Real talk.
Yo, he just made lemonade, bro.
That's what purple rain was.
He just got a different color drink.
Yo, we really figured out Prince.
We figured out Prince.
Kool-Aid.
Son, them Beatles, though.
This is lemonade Kool-Aid, bro.
What's the hottest Beatles song?
What's the one?
To me, it's lemonade, but-
It's lemonade?
I mean, I'm sorry.
It's lemonade.
Yesterday.
But then that cherry something.
Hey, Jude.
Is it?
Hey, Jude.
I can fuck with that.
It's easy.
Can you? What is it? Don't be I can fuck with that. It's easy. Can you do it?
What is it?
Don't be a friend.
Take a sad song and make it better.
Okay.
Wait a minute.
That's just look my no hands slow down.
Come together.
That's a big one.
All right, come together.
I'll fucking come together.
I said look ma No hands
No shorty
I don't dance
I'm with Roscoe
I'm with Flocka
And some something
Yo that's the same song
They stole that from the Beatles
Wale's hit
Yeah listen
Until Wale has a movie made about him
Where some Indian
Who rewrites all his songs
I don't know
Here's the thing though
I don't think that's
Terribly accurate
What'd you mean?
Like if nobody ever
Heard the Beatles
And we just
In what
It's 2019
And somebody just decided
To sing all the Beatles songs
We've never heard them before
It's really gonna slap like that
I think a lot of people
They got bangers
Really
Cash they got bangers
In 2019
You know how I know this
For a fact
When
Countries that don't have
Stand up
Start stand up scenes
And the worst ones
Nah they just take
The most famous
American stand up acts
And translate their jokes
And then they immediately
Have fans
They have success
And they pop off
So if you just took
The Beatles shit
Same thing applies
How'd that movie end
I didn't see it
I didn't see it either
I caught you
I was on
he had a white girlfriend
I didn't watch it
alright so I got a
flagrant take
but it's more like
a flagrant confession
oh boy
what's up so ever since Instagram took away the activity tab bro So I got a flavored take, but it's more like a flavored confession. Oh, boy.
What's up?
So ever since Instagram took away the activity tab.
Bro.
Oh, shit. Son, my fingers hurt from all the likes that I've picked up.
Son, I've been letting them likes fly.
Okay, here's the thing.
This is where you got to be careful.
This is where I figured out.
What's up?
It don't show the likes no more.
It don't show when you like people and this is for
anybody who's listening instagram took away the activity tab so the people that follow you can't
see what you like or who you follow that kind of stuff but if you and let's say your girl follow
the same person oh yeah and you like that pic they'll see your shit liked it liked by alex
media that's the first thing they'll see.
The first thing I check is mutual follows.
If there's no mutual follows,
like, like, like, like.
Here's the jig.
You need a more single guy to act more like you're in a relationship.
That's what I'm saying.
Who are you? There's like five girls that don't think you're single.
But the jig is, it's not a mutual followers thing.
There's like followed by.
So you'll see if they're following you,
but you can't see like if you're following the same person.
Like say like Akash, it'll show me the people that follow Akash,
but it won't show me me and Akash following the same folks.
You understand what I'm saying?
Okay.
So your girl has to know like, yo, you're checking for this bitch's pictures.
I got to see it.
What I'm saying is going to be on the picture itself.
Yes.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
That's a trap.
Once they,
once they sent that shit over,
I was like,
yo,
you don't think the girl's going to figure out,
the girl's going to figure out this shit.
Come on,
son.
Guaranteed.
Guaranteed.
Guaranteed.
Your girl got another account where she follows every single girl you follow.
Yo.
Don't follow them.
Don't follow them that's
the first rookie my thing is i've been about mental like bro just mental like just come on
that's a good ass point i never thought about it like that bro i'll be forgetting though
hey you be deleting your search history though nah you could do that? Yeah. Damn, Akash, you're nice with it.
Akash, why do you have to delete your searches?
Hey, hey.
Yo, you don't think Jess and Roe is getting deleted out the month of May?
That's not easy, boy.
Bro, I'm still debating if I'm going to post that picture today.
I'm sorry, shit.
I'm not.
All right, let me tell you my favorite thought this week.
So you know how like we're all,
we're part of like a share culture.
We're part of like a, you know,
something that we do that we think is cool,
we share something we think is proud of, we share.
You know what I mean?
We get a new car, we share.
We get a new bike, we share.
We get jewelry, we share.
Sneakers, share.
Any of that kind of shit, we share.
We're a share culture, right?
Like that's what I respect about Serial killers
Is that like
Fact yo
The shit they
Care the most about
Real talk bro
They keep to themselves
That's
Hey man
Right
Admirable
Like they're the most
Unique people
In this time
Because
They not flexing nothing
No flex zone
Is their whole life
Right
You know
Andrew's fucked up when he's like,
you know the thing about serial killers?
So here's the thing.
They love it so much,
and if they want to continue doing it,
they can't share it.
But the moment they get caught,
they let everybody know how many bodies they got.
Facts, but think about all the rappers
that shoot,
they're like these young kids
that are rapping about all the people they killed.
They can't keep that to themselves.
They got to flex on the gram
the guy selling drugs and like putting the
shit on IG immediately it's like bro
all these people doing this you gotta respect
YNW Melly
motherfucking his biggest song
called murder on my mind where he's talking
about the guy he fucking murdered
and now he's in jail for murder
real talk
spit that shit
Iceberg Akash
That's true
Iceberg skinny fan
Iceberg sing
Interesting fact
I just found out
Over the weekend
The
The American
With the most
Murders
Is a black guy
Yeah
You already know
Weed about them stats
I'm not sure
You know black guys
always put up numbers.
I would have swore
like I had that title.
There's no way.
Son, dead ass.
What about Timothy McVeigh?
Son, he has more.
He has like 80-something bodies.
Timothy McVeigh got 3,000.
No, but not like a bomb
killing individual motherfuckers.
There's a guy in Texas
that just confessed
to like 93 murders
And they've checked out
91 of them
Or something like that
Apparently this guy
Had a photographic memory
Which is wild
So he vividly remembers
Every single kill
That's a black dude?
I think it is
Was he like a contract killer
Or just a guy who just
He recounted
Nah he just enjoyed it
Respect
Known as the
Okay alright boom
Who is it
These are the stats
These are the world
Let's see
Luis Garavito
Venezuelan
Lopez
The first American flag
Let's go
Let's see who's American
Right here
There we go
Right there
Samuel Little
Yeah
Damn
Wow
93 people
There you go
Yeah oh okay
I do remember
He's like an older black dude
Yeah
Remember him
Yeah
Photographic memory man
Damn America fell off.
Sam, respect.
You can't even get the bronze in serial killing.
This him?
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
Oh, wow.
Did he fucking draw this shit?
Who'd he look like?
Craig Robinson.
Cypher daddy?
Wow.
Yeah.
Oh, my Lord.
This is wild, bro. Bro, he looks like a guy very at peace with life. I kind of look a little like me when we did that face thing and it made me old. Yeah. Oh my Lord. This is wild,
bro.
It looks like a guy.
Kind of look a little like me when we did that face thing and it made me old.
Yeah.
That's a little scary.
Holy shit.
Damn son.
Anyway, you look so friendly.
All right,
guys,
let's take a break for a second.
We're talking football.
And if you,
if you're going to gamble,
it's very simple who you're going to gamble with.
It's my bookie.
Oh yeah.
That's it. Okay. They're matching your initial investment It's my bookie. Oh, yeah. That's it, okay?
They're matching your initial investment up to $1,000.
You get a free $1,000.
Do I need to tell you anything else?
Do I need to read anything else?
Is there any more convincing you
that if you're already going to fucking gamble,
take the free $1,000 that they're going to match?
It's the only time in gambling
you're guaranteed to make money.
That's it.
You put it there, they're going to pay you.
I don't even know.
I'm not saying anything else. I'm not saying anything else. You put it there, they're going to pay you. Crazy. I don't even know.
I'm not saying anything else.
I'm not saying anything else.
You want to do football,
you want to do MMA,
whatever the fuck you want to do.
You want to bet the first half of the game,
then you're losing.
You bet the second half of the game,
you just do it and you're going to get some free money.
There's literally nothing else I have to say.
They're asking me about betting in the playoffs.
I'm not going to promote that.
Everything else I'll promote
than the MLB playoffs, I'm not going to do it. Everything else I'll promote than the MLB playoffs,
I'm not going to do it.
I just can't get behind it.
Okay?
But you want to be in part.
Basketball season's coming around.
Obviously, football season's
making things work.
The Jets are on
a little bit of an uptick.
Kaz, we know where you're
putting your money.
Yes, get it.
Okay?
You want to support your team.
You want to support this podcast.
You go to mybookie.ag.
Okay?
Promo code flagrant.
You activate that offer.
Flagrant is the promo code.
You double your cash.
Visit mybookie.ag.
You play, you win, you get paid.
Now, while we're talking sports, this podcast is also brought to you by The Athletic.
Akash, please take it away.
Yo, The Athletic is a website, sports
website for people who just want sports.
Not a bunch of BS
ads at the bottom. Not a bunch of
other bullshit. It is
subscription-based.
It's got Akash's favorite writers. Let's be
honest. Yes, sir. Kaz is
in it as well. Frankie Ice.
Shams is there.
They got the best collection of talent. We talked
about this last week. You know how you know they're putting out
good content? Mark Cuban is going at them.
Simple as that. Best endorsement any place
has ever gotten. When billionaires complain,
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gives a fuck about ESPN Insider.
He ain't complaining about
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the best Cowboys writer.
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And you basically just get to choose the teams you like.
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Then when LeBron went to the Lakers, I followed the Lakers.
And every story about that team just populates on my site.
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Go do it right now.
Very worth it.
And let's get back to the show.
All right,
bees,
bees,
bees,
bees,
bees.
Let's talk a little bit.
We got some topics.
I know we got some things
that we want to touch on.
First,
we didn't talk about Errol Spence. That happened right after. Oh, yeah, man. Best luck recovering for Errol Spence. We got some topics. I know we got some things that we want to touch on. First, we didn't talk about Errol Spence.
That happened right after.
Oh, yeah, man.
Yo, best luck recovering from Errol Spence Jr., man.
It's sad.
He was in a car accident, and it looks like he's going to make full recovery,
but he had just had a really hard-fought victory over Sean Porter,
which he did not look too exceptional, to be honest. I thought he was way too depleted and he was just look too exceptional.
And to be honest, I thought he was way too depleted and he was just way too skinny.
But after his victory, he got in this horrible car accident.
So have you heard any more about it?
Very lucky to be alive.
I saw the footage.
Apparently, he was expected to make a full recovery,
broke some teeth, and that's it.
God bless.
Which is crazy because they actually said
this is like the one in a million time
that not wearing a seatbelt saved him.
So it's crazy that he broke
teeth not boxing not boxing yeah like whoa yeah it's it's so weird we hear this all the time
wear a seatbelt your seatbelt saves you and then like every time i see this crazy accent or drunk
driving it's always the person that's not wearing the seatbelt that ends up because a lot of times
it depends on the on the car and what the car does. If it shoots you out of the vehicle.
Oh, it's better.
It's better.
Interesting.
Because the shit tumbled.
And if he would have stayed in the car, as much as that fucking shit would go over.
We saw the crazy accident, though.
We've been asked, though.
Remember, we saw the guy die.
Yeah.
That guy got thrown from the car.
And the guys that stayed in the car lived.
So it's weird.
But the way the car, yeah, the way the whole top caved in, it was better that he got ejected.
So he got ejected out of the car?
Yeah.
He's going to, I expect him to make a full recovery, which is crazy.
Brain issues at all?
Any concussion?
I don't know.
I'm sure he got a concussion or two, but if they're saying full recovery, that means
like, you know.
Full functioning recovery, but not boxing.
Boxing is probably not the least of his concerns right now, but I mean, he'll be able to live
a pretty decent life.
Oh, is his career over?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I mean, I don't think anybody's had the heart to be like,
I don't think it'll be like, hey, so when are you getting back to the ring after this?
You know what I'm saying?
His promoters will definitely be checking in.
Wow, man, so tragic.
That is tragic, man.
What else?
Super talented boxer.
You were at the Jets-Cowboys game yesterday.
How was that?
My man, the orange Jesus himself showed his face.
Whose friend is the orange Jesus?
Sam Darnold, though.
Sam Darnold, boy.
He's redheaded.
He's orange.
Kind of.
Enough.
I think Carson Wentz is redheaded, so we take orange.
All right.
Fair enough.
Son.
I didn't even.
You saw the Cowboys players not even dap up.
Not shake Jason Garrett's hands, yeah.
So we had low-level seats.
We were very close, but we were at the end zone.
Worst.
Yeah, and it's rough in the end zone.
Plus, every touchdown pretty much was scored away from us.
Except the Jets two touchdowns, actually.
I got a very close view.
Is this a
fireable alpha
Jason Garrett
I tweeted it yesterday
no he's not gonna get
fired I think he should
have been fired
I never liked Jason
Garrett
but I was with my
homie who is
Brian
shout out to Brian
and he was like
I would not be
surprised no matter
the outcome before
the game
as soon as I heard
Sam Darnold was
playing I was like
I don't know if
they're gonna win
because he's that
good Darnold
I don't know
just the Cowboys
might be that bad.
He might end up playing that.
Well, the run defense is terrible.
The defense looks bad in general.
It's just like a fucking...
I was just watching that game like, of course.
I wouldn't even like...
The Cowboys are missing, was it Teron Smith, who's like all pro left tackle?
Their two left tackles are out, but their right and left tackle are hurt, which that'll
fuck any team up, you would think.
But San Francisco also missing their starting right tackle and left tackle, and they're 5-0.
But their defense is what's really—their defense in their run game is really doing it.
The run game you would think would be fucked up with, too.
Right.
So it's like everybody's hurt.
You can't just—it's like you've got to win in spite of injuries.
And then you get credit for that, but if you lose, you can't put it on injuries.
But with the Jets, it's like they were literally starting a guy who's not an NFL quarterback for the past
four weeks. Yeah, so they weren't
a legit 0-4. Luke Falk.
Luke Falk literally got cut as soon
as they said Sam Darnold was accurate. So they had their starting quarterback
Sam Darnold go down in game one.
They lost to Buffalo, who's good, by like one point.
Then the second week, they had
a backup. Who was his name? It wasn't Matt.
Whoever the backup was broke
his ankle in the first quarter. Trevor Simeon. He used to play for the Broncos. He was his name? It wasn't Matt. Not Matt Castle. Whoever the backup was broke his ankle in the first quarter.
Trevor Simeon. Trevor Simeon.
He used to play for the Broncos. He was good, yeah.
And so they had to go to their third string quarterback who
as soon as McDonald was back, they cut
the guy and nobody signed him. He was bad.
And people were saying like Sam Donald was due
for a breakout year. But at the end of last
year, he was cooking. I think like second
best QBR over like the second half of the year
or some shit like that. And, I went to the game.
And then he got Le'Veon Bell.
Right.
And Roddy Anderson's a great nine route runner and fast as fuck.
And they got like a 93 yard bomb that took the game over.
I saw probably 60,000 Jets fans, 30,000 Cowboy fans.
I never seen 60,000 people start something so hopeless.
And then be so hopeful.
And then 45 minutes feel utterly unstoppable.
45 minutes,
I saw the complete run of emotions.
And then they were
actually pretty nice.
And here's,
let me tell you something
that's funny.
Only one person I saw
got ejected for fighting,
wearing an Eagles jersey.
Ain't that some shit?
He doesn't even go here.
No.
He had Eagles jerseys.
Just came out,
just fought.
Can't go to Eagles games anymore.
He's been arrested
too many times.
Oh, fucking Philly fans,
man,
never let me down.
Were the Jets
a legit team
as you watched them
or the Cowboys
that bad?
The Cowboys were that bad.
The Jets aren't horrible.
They're not 0-4.
They're not the worst team
in the league,
but the Cowboys
should have beat their ass.
So many missed opportunities.
They're the Knicks of the NFL.
But it was close, right? They always
lose close. They will
find a way. I've always said this. The Jets were up
most of the game, and then I think Sam
Darnold threw a pick, and then like that
last drive when they threw like seven fucking
flags.
Watching replays, again, that was when they were at the other end of the field.
Watching replays, they all seemed on the video
board like pass interference to me. I didn't think there were bad calls, but I was like, again, that was when they were at the other end of the field. Watching replays, they all seemed on the video board like pass interference to me.
I didn't think there were bad calls, but I was like, yeah, this is just an ugly game.
And that's what the Cowboys do.
They will find a way to crush you always.
And even when they were, I was like, they're not going to win.
They're not going to get the two-point conversion.
But, like, that's exactly how they'll lose.
They'll get all the way back there, and then they'll fuck up.
This is what they do every time.
Last game of the season, last play of the game.
I'm not even faced with it.
I mean, but the 0-4, I mean, Jets were 0-4, but it's a very sneaky 0-4.
Like you said, they had no quarterback.
Their defense went down.
They lost C.J. Mosley for a while.
It was basically Le'Veon Bell and the Pips.
Just like anything they could do just to get any sort of offense.
So they got him back.
With him, though, I still think they're like, if he played the whole year,
there's like a 6- or 7-win team. Oh, for though, I still think they're like, if he played the whole year, there's like a six or seven win team.
Oh, for sure.
For sure.
I thought the Jets would be,
I thought the Jets,
I thought,
best case scenario,
Jets go eight and eight.
Like if they're all healthy
and they play well
and whatever,
because you still got to go
through the Patriots twice.
The Bills actually look like
a good team this year.
Like,
that's four,
that's possibly four L's
right there.
So,
you know,
who knows?
The, That's possibly four L's right there. So, you know, who knows? The Carolina Panthers.
You love the Panthers.
I don't love the Panthers, but I'm curious about the team.
This is crazy.
Because it is odd that you see, like, I was the fucking biggest Cam Newton fan.
I think we all were.
Yeah, I think we all celebrated him, like, more so, not even just as a quarterback, but just as like a physical specimen.
I think you rarely get to see somebody like that in athletics.
Yeah.
It's just rare, right?
He was like LeBron James.
Yeah, he was like LeBron.
You're so fucking big.
He was like Usain Bolt.
Yeah.
Right?
It was just like you get to see this every once in a while.
So I'm kind of rooting for him to win.
Yeah.
Right?
It was just like,
you get to see this every once in a while.
So I'm kind of rooting for him to win.
And I thought the narrative of him like really being good with kids was cool
because he was kind of unliked by the media.
But then he had all this kind of good,
charitable shit to back it.
So it's like,
okay, I'm going to root for you
instead of the media narrative.
And it was fun.
You know what I mean?
And you want him to go for it.
He dresses like a fucking goofball.
But at the same time,
if you can back that up, you're the coolest guy in the game. Of course. If you can't, But at the same time, if you can back that up,
you're the coolest guy in the game.
Of course.
If you can't, you're an idiot.
But if you can back it up.
Well, he was MVP.
At one time, he was backing it up.
Of course.
More than anybody.
Not denying that.
He goes down
and then this team becomes
fucking electrifying.
I mean, Christian McCaffrey.
Like, is this kid legit?
MVP.
Or is it not?
Christian McCaffrey has been, like, since high school.
Like, I've heard about this dude.
I've seen, like, viral clips of the white boy getting, like, just fucking burning motherfucker.
I thought the Stanford stuff was kind of overrated if you ask me.
I was like, is he in a weak division or something?
He was there.
What's his face still coach over there when he was over there?
Harbaugh, the black guy.
Yeah.
Okay, it was the black dude.
Dude who coached Andrew Luck.
He was a good coach.
I forget his name, though. Right. But Stanford had a pretty good football program for a while. And he cooked for them. Harbaugh Harbaugh yeah okay it was the black dude the dude who coached Andrew Luck right
but Stanford had a pretty good
football program for a while
and he cooked for them
and you know
I wasn't sure
if his skills
were just translated
in the NFL
because you know
I listened to a bunch of idiots
in pre-draft
routines
that I swear
that they know
what they're talking about
but most of the times
it's like
they say the same thing
about Lamar Jackson
oh well we don't know
if he's gonna be doing the pros so we don't know if he's going to be doing the pros.
We don't know if he's going to be doing the pros.
It's the easiest take to have, by the way.
Black quarterbacks, white running backs.
We don't know if he's going to be doing the pros.
Oh, outside of the racial component,
the easiest take to have about talent is
it's not going to translate.
Because 9 out of 10 times,
it doesn't translate.
It's like you're not predicting anything brilliant here, right?
How many guys end up being breakout stars?
Let me tell you something.
None.
That's the easiest fucking job in sports, bro.
Is to say someone's not going to get it.
Pre-draft analysis.
So break this down.
If you were really a pre-draft analysis person, a team would hire you to get these things.
Yo, that's a great point.
If you were good at your job, you wouldn't be working for ESPN.
Exactly.
You'd be working for the Panthers.
Exactly.
They're saying type it on a shit. Okay. They know just as much break this down for me this McCaffrey is it is it hype is
it real and what is his elite skill that's allowing him to play so well these last fast as
fuck it's just raw speed it's athletic yeah just, quick. Can leap. He's just like a freak athlete. Elusiveness.
Well, right now in the NFL, if you've got a pass catching back where all shit goes to
hell, you can just get it to somebody in the backfield.
So that's it.
He's doing a lot of screens.
He's getting on and off of.
Yeah, and it's like if you're that dude and you're catching things out the backfield,
you usually got to beat just one guy first.
He's a dual threat.
And the easiest job to do with running back is to beat the rest.
Isn't he a little
Marshall Falkish?
That's what I was gonna ask.
Yeah, no,
it's definitely Marshall Falkish.
Definitely Marshall Falkish.
He's an all-purpose guy.
He's leading the league
in scrimmage yards.
Like, he is,
he's probably the best
back in football right now.
Whoa.
He's probably the best
back in football right now.
Better than?
Right now,
there's nobody playing better.
Elliott, better than?
Better than Elliott.
Elliott's not having a great year.
He's doing all right.
Again, I don't think the Cowboys should have paid him.
Saquon's hurt.
Saquon is hurt, yeah.
Fucking Le'Veon's whatever.
The minute Saquon comes back in.
There's a discussion to be had.
This is good.
But right now, nobody's playing better than him.
It's not close.
Yeah.
So McCaffrey's the real deal?
I think maybe like Tariq Hill, if you count him.
Yeah.
He was good before, but this year is like...
Probably because Cam went down, and you got this young kid,
you're throwing him in there, you're like, let's give him all the support we can.
Here's Christian McCaffrey. And you know what's
interesting? There's this rule I've talked about,
it's like the 370 carries. There's some
X number of carries that running backs
always fall off after they get this many carries.
And I think the idea is you are taking
these collisions from these massive motherfuckers,
linemen and linebackers.
I looked at Marshall Fox stats.
If you combine
catches and rushes,
he's always, not always, like three times he was over
that number, but he never fell off.
And I think it's because once you're catching passes,
you're taking some cornerbacks.
And safeties who can thump sometimes, but not always.
And not as big as linebackers and linemen.
It's not Jamal Adams coming down the middle.
And three linemen, you're fucking trying to get through the whole bang, bang, bang before the tackle.
It seems like it's...
Not to mention, you're being dragged down a lot of times by the corners, right?
It's not head-on-head collision.
You're both running in a direction, being pushed out of bounds.
Maybe you get pushed out of bounds.
Maybe you got like a shoulder shrug to like go down or whatever.
And a lot of times, if you're a running back, you welcome a defensive back tryingug to like go down or whatever. Like it's, it's,
and a lot of times if you're a running back,
you welcome a defensive back trying to talk to you.
Come get this.
You welcome that shit.
Come get this.
It's like you weigh 180 pounds.
Yeah.
I'm used to running into guys weighing 250.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He might be a little more,
I'm sure they're riding him and I haven't gotten to watch a game a ton because we're
traveling on Sundays,
but like they might be riding the fuck out of him,
but it's not quite as devastating if he's catching a lot of passes, it seems like.
Yeah.
He's a special dude, man.
I remember that he came out in the same class of Leonard Fournette and all these big high
school prodigies.
He got taken out then.
And he was one of them.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He was one of them, dude.
So it's not...
It was just...
Anybody who's fouled prep football is not a surprise.
He's that dude.
Akash, now you've been on
Your first tour
Your first legit stand up tour
Yeah
You've toured before
But this is your first tour
This is my first headlining tour
Headlining tour
Outside of the cities
That you might not like
It's the greatest thing
I've ever done in my life
Yeah
Is it enjoyable
Is it fun
It's the best fucking thing
Yeah
To do 45
Is so fucking dope.
And like doing 25 for you is always great.
But like getting to stretch, getting to breathe, getting to say, hey, here's an idea.
Let me try to work this out.
And then ride the silences and know I have more time to make this up.
And it's assholes coming out.
So like they know me a little bit and they know there's like always a proving you have
to do.
Yep.
And especially five minutes to me now is the hardest thing in comedy of course if I have five minutes is like what the fuck
I have to prove I'm funny to you most you don't know me and then I have to do
solidify this guy's really good in five minutes with 45 it's like I can explore
and I can play you can be yourself to the crowd and like fucking I could be me
man like I'm breathing sold out Minneapolis the first show which was
cool and then the second show we didn't sell out.
And I was asking people, they're like, this is what I knew was a whack city.
They were like, yeah, man, 1030 is kind of late, man.
Wait, what day was it?
Or 930.
It's a Friday.
Jesus Christ.
I think the shows were 7 and 930.
Maybe it was 8.
930 local.
Now, I'll say Minneapolis is a big comedy town, but you're also competing with two other
clubs.
So it's not like-
And it seemed like mainly people who knew me.
And now with the Cliffs, it's interesting because I'm seeing not-
LA was heavy assholes, but outside of that, I'm not seeing as many assholes as I thought.
I thought if I raised it up at the beginning of the show, everybody would throw their hands
up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But it's like 50-50, 40-something.
So people are finding you from YouTube and social i think so it's so good that's exciting
appreciate everybody pushing me to do it oh yeah about fucking time i love it your stuff always
comes up on my feed on the youtube and it's so interesting like it's it's just so interesting
to see how the youtube fee works and how these things happen because it's not like I'm seeking out your stuff.
What the algorithm is deciding that the stuff I like
happens to be that and it's right.
That's the craziest thing about the algorithm.
When it suggests your friends.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's wild.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, my shit always comes up on it.
Well, I think I'm subscribed to your shit, but like.
Maybe I am.
Maybe I'm subbed to yours,
but still like when your buddies come up, I don't think I'm subbed to yours. I don't think I'm subscribed to your shit, but like. Maybe I am. Maybe I'm subbed to yours, but still like when your buddies come up,
I don't think I'm subbed to yours.
I don't think I'm subbed to yours.
I truly believe it's like.
We'll fucking get it together.
I was about to say,
God damn, you can't get a click?
But meaning like it's even better.
It's like it's at work.
The algorithm's at work.
Oh, you're watching these clips.
You're doing this.
I want to say somebody.
I think somebody,
I don't know if it was Minneapolis
or Detroit
but was like
yo you're really funny
there's this other comedian
I really like
named Andrew Schultz
or whatever
so I was like
the guy had no idea
there was no way
it was flagrant
it was just like
it was a cool thing
worlds coming together
I had a combo
with YouTube
you want to give that up?
yeah because I think
it's the right thing
to do
alright
some shit
keep in a pocket
I've always shared
what to do
what's the jam
or is it
I mean it's just like
yo so I've been
this is
this is interesting
because now
my videos are starting
to go a little bit
so little things I'm learning
I'm like
if he does my captions
he's a brown comic
who does every brown comic
shit
and I'm like yo here's what you gotta do for the a brown comic who does every brown comic shit. And I'm like, yo, here's what you got to do for the thumbnail.
Here's what you got to do for this.
And then as I see these motherfuckers doing it, part of me is like, that's cool.
I'm spreading it forward.
And part of me is like, I shouldn't have fucking told them that.
Fuck, man.
And it's like, I get where you're going.
Like, you like to help out.
But there are, there's an advantage to knowing certain things
because you already see the impact that this has all had in the industry.
And it's like you give everybody, you have people contacting you like,
yo, how many people you have in a row with you and all that type of shit?
It's like everybody's going to just.
I have, you're going to see a lot, put it this way,
you're going to see a lot of, just as you saw like the comics start to post
the stuff on social on youtube and there was that wave you're also going to see the wave of comics
starting to do vlogs and starting to do like the other kind of ancillary shows that we've started
to do and and that's just the nature of the business you know and um you know a lot have
reached out and just asking you know how exactly we operate. And I think that – I always think back to something my mom said to me, which was – because my mom, she basically kind of organized the way ballroom dance was taught in New York City.
And then every other ballroom dance studio that popped up was either someone who she taught or a teacher that worked for her.
And I was like, doesn't it piss you off that these teachers will build up their thing
working for you
and then take all the students there?
And she was like,
no,
that's just the nature of business.
And she goes,
it's actually good for business.
I was like,
what do you mean?
She goes,
competition is good.
It makes you create a better product.
It makes you step it up.
Your mom was built for America, yo.
That's why she had to leave Scotland.
She is the rawest form of that shit
And she loves the smoke
I remember once she retired
And like the business was suffering a little bit
I actually think we just started hanging out at this point
And she came back
Oh boy
Came back like
This woman is a force bro
Like
Yo didn't she go to like another
Like somebody was like stealing her shit or something like that
And then she like sat in on their class
Knowing they knew who she was or something like that And then she like sat in on their class knowing they knew
who she was
or something like that
and she just sat there
and didn't
it was something crazy
I don't remember the exact story
oh she's a fucking savage dude
dude she's a
dude
I mean like
once she's like
in the game
I remember once my brother
was playing soccer
and the coach like
put my brother in
for like one minute of the game
my mom walked out
during the game
stopped the game
and started talking
to the coach
for 40 minutes your mom was black yo bro I'm like your mom sounds like my mom during the game, stopped the game, and started talking to the coach. What?
Yo,
that,
your mom was black.
Yo,
bro,
I'm like,
your mom sounds like my mom.
Scottish people are black,
bro.
That's serious.
We're tribal people.
We're in a face paint and shit. That's something that my mom has done.
Yeah.
Like,
when my coach wasn't playing me,
she gives me like,
what's up?
My mom,
when I was young,
my mom was on the fucking,
I remember this vivid memory.
We're on the bus going to, she was pregnant with my little brother. vivid memory we're on the bus going to she was
pregnant with my little brother we're on like the regular bus going to thing to school and nobody
would get up and my mom just stood in the middle of the bus and she goes cowards you're all cowards
you call yourselves men there's a pregnant woman on the bus
and you can't stand up for her
huh? Cowards
all of yous and this guy
stood up he goes don't stand up
now
don't stand
up now I can handle it myself
just know you're a
fucking coward
sit there you coward.
I love it.
Bro, does not play.
This woman would not play around, bro.
She's sending the wildest text message.
Did I tell you this?
It might be a bit.
Son, y'all want to see how crazy my mom is?
This is how crazy my mom is.
That's good.
This is how crazy my mom is.
That was good.
Son, ready?
This is 12.03 a.m.
12 midnight
Friday or Saturday. I'm about
to walk on the stage at New York Comedy Club and perform.
I get this text.
Hi, my love.
I'm drunk.
Can you please
tell me how many times in your life
I've embarrassed you?
Wait. It's very important to know the exact number of times
and the deep degree of humiliation I've caused you.
This is very important to me.
Thank you.
I go, none, absolutely none, Ma.
Don't worry.
She goes, none accepted.
She's a wild lady bro but yeah so
I don't know
that's where he gets it
that's where she gets it
right
he's like the
abalone full far at all
I've done no wrong
complete lunatic
yeah yeah
forgiven
you forgive me
I forgive me
oh my god
but so she so anyway I had that call.
I don't know.
You're right.
It's not something we can't.
It's years of trying to figure this fucking thing out.
So chill.
Finally get some traction, Jill.
Just hold it.
Just hold it.
Hold it.
Just hold it.
At least let me use it for some of my. You know, give it to us it at least let me use it for some of my
you know give it to us
at least let us use it first
and then be like
you know
you know what
drop it on Patreon
no fuck all that
maybe
they're ready to get
enough free gold
alright that's fair
but just yeah
I had to
alright I don't know
I mean you know my thing
is just like share
and I think good things
come from the sharing.
And I think that, I think we've done a lot of that.
And I think we've helped a lot.
I don't think that there's ever a void in helping that.
And it was funny.
We were having a conversation with this kid outside the cellar.
What was the kid?
Wait, the one who got kicked out?
No, no, no.
With the titles.
Oh, yeah.
Billy.
Yeah. He used to work at, yeah. Billy. Yeah.
Nice kid.
He used to work at Hot 97.
Yeah.
I met him back there.
And he was doing some subtitles for comics.
And what was he saying exactly?
He was like, oh, I figured out the font.
The font that Comedy Central uses.
And mind you, Comedy Central has designed their clips after Andrew's.
And he thinks like that's the key.
But he thought the font was the key.
He's like, I'm not telling anybody about the font.
And it's like, buddy, we could do it in script.
It don't matter.
It's not about the font.
But two things.
One, it's cool to see people like trying to cultivate a competitive advantage.
But it's also, the other part is like, if if you're gonna take or like be inspired
by someone
give that inspiration
don't hoard shit
like it's good
that you're sharing
shit because
you got it from us
so it's like
you gotta pay it forward
you gotta pay it forward
and I think that we've done
a lot of that
you know
there's a cool thing
I'll say this though
if Alex is telling you
to hold something
Alex has become
my voice of reason
pretty quickly
Alex is good you're right basically it was a talk my voice of reason pretty quickly. Alex is good.
You're right.
Basically, it was a talk.
I won't say what it was,
but I had a good talk with YouTube
and there are some things that my gut was telling me
and I think that it was right
and just about how the algorithm works.
And we basically got to the people who make the algorithm
and that was the most exciting part
because once you
talk to them
that's like meeting the agent from the matrix
that's exactly what I was going to say
that's exactly
it's like you're
conversing
no no it's the white
it's the white guy. Aiden Smith. Not even.
It's the white guy.
It's the architect.
The architect.
The architect.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So it's like when you're talking about the algorithm and potentially helping write the algorithm,
because that's what I want the next step of this to be, because I've noticed a flaw in the algorithm.
And that is next level shit that is
we're already in the wild west of what's happening right now in entertainment but to be like at the
table curating how content is digested like that's fucking like i was having a phone call i'm like
what is going on right now? Like what The fuck
Like
Back two years ago
We're just by ourselves
I was by myself
Literally by myself
And then Alex comes on board
And we're just putting up content
On the internet
On YouTube
And Instagram
And now we're talking
To the fucking
Algorithm writers
Of YouTube
That's a fucking
Insane
Insane thing that happened
That's fucking insane
Maybe Patreon
I'll give a little more information,
but if you think it's best
to keep it...
Yeah, let's just
hold it for a little bit.
How about this?
Afterwards, I'll tell you guys
and then maybe next episode,
if you guys believe
it's okay to just share,
then we'll just give it away.
But yeah.
Yeah.
Okay, that's it.
Maybe we should start
maybe do another thing
and then wrap it up.
I know we got to give our dates And everything
Do we wanna
Updates on the NBA China shit?
Is that still worthy of news?
Oh yeah
Since we talked
We talked about it on Patreon
The NBA
Kaz's flagrant thought of the week
On Patreon
What was it?
The NBA
They were kinda pussy
They looked real pussy
China says shut up and dribble
And they were like
Okay
Literally what happened So Darren Lurie tweets this thing They were kind of pussy. They looked real pussy. China says shut up and dribble, and they were like, okay. Okay.
It literally would happen.
So Darren Rory tweets this thing.
What a fucking bozo. The NBA apologizes for his tweet.
He apologizes for his tweet.
The Rockets consider firing him.
China won't air any of the games that the NBA is playing over there on Chinese television.
Did you see the Lakers and Nets game over in China?
No.
No one did.
Bro.
He's television.
Did you see the Lakers and Nets game over in China?
No.
No one did. Bro.
No, I mean, like, it was, fuck, like, maybe 45% full.
Like, it's LeBron James and the Los Angeles Lakers.
Fuck China.
But real talk.
But real talk.
China, they have that big dick energy.
No, they do have big dick energy.
Even though they don't have big dicks.
I know.
Even though they do.
As anti-American as it sounds,
I'm like, damn,
they really told you to shut the fuck up
and they were like, ooh.
Real talk,
this is why,
listen,
this is tough.
This is why global politics
is a different game.
There's two takeaways
that I got from this.
One is,
the world is gonna miss America
when we're no longer in charge.
This shit where everybody
complains about stuff like,
and don't get me wrong,
we're not perfect.
We're out here stealing motherfuckers oil.
We're out here bodying countries and giving them all this crazy debt,
et cetera.
But you could sweet when America's in charge,
you get to tweet,
you get basketball,
you get to wear whatever you want.
You know what I mean?
You get South Park,
you get whatever movie,
like somebody going to have to be in charge.
And the choice is America,
Russia, China
and undoubtedly
if that's even a word
the best world that there
is is going to be America.
Without a doubt. You know why we're not going
to win that though? Because we owe
China so much fucking money.
We owe so much fucking debt to the motherfuckers.
When you got nuclear weapons you don't owe nobody
money.
Come get it. That's what I't owe nobody money. Come get it.
That's what I'm going to say.
Come get it.
We got an aircraft carrier
right outside China.
Come get it.
You want war with China?
Yo, China's way
of infiltrating America
has been...
Pull up, son.
I'm telling you,
the sleeper cells, man,
in every city.
Yo, Al truly believes
every Chinatown
is actually like a militia.
Son, you don't think
there's some sleeper cells in the world? There's one dude in China. There's got to militia Son You don't think There's some sleeper cells
There's one dude in China
There gotta be a few
Son why you call them
Sleeper cells
Cause their eyes like that bro
That's not fair dog
Yo that's how they look dog
That's fucked up
Real talk
They awake
They awake dog
Real talk
Yo would anything
Scare a city less
Than Chinatown uprising
We'd be like
Get the fuck down man
We got time For your stupid shit Keep your fish, sit the fuck down, man. You ain't got time for your
stupid shit. Keep your fish, man. Get the fuck
out of here. You say that now until they all pull out the nunchucks.
The way China... You say that now
until you need something to eat on Christmas.
Alright, my bad, son. We can work
out arrangements. The way China is
winning this is money. They're just
giving... They're making us dependent on
their money. And that's a real
fucking smart, insidious
game to play. Who invented that game?
It's just Pippin. Who literally
invented that game? America invented
that game. The consumption
game, we're the biggest consumers in the world, and all these
economies are reliant on
our consumption. When America goes, we're going to
sanction this country
for what they did. You ever hear sanctions?
That's all it is.
We're going to restrict your economic movement and where you can put your money, who can do deals with you, etc.
And other countries have to bow down to those restrictions because they need us to buy their goods.
Now that China has this big middle class, they've become the biggest consumers, I think, or they're one of them.
I mean, they're doing it.
You talked about this.
You couldn't afford.
You got priced out of a bunch of apartments because Chinese companies would just come
buy all the apartments.
They are buying up everything.
They're making us dependent on their business.
And then what the fuck are we going to do?
I don't know politics.
So this is a very rudimentary thing I'm just thinking through.
But that was when I was like, oh, everybody kowtows to China for the dollar, for their
money.
Is kowtow, what is that?
I think it's like
bow down
I thought that was
a Chinese city
or some shit like that
that's how much
they respect cows
son
Hindu out here bro
you know how horrified
Akash was
when she was
milking my thumbs bro
you seen how horrified
I saw a single tear
fall to Akash
this is so cool
how could you
desecrate a cow's
udders that way
I gotta get a Chinese chick
you need to get on top of it
get ahead of the game
get ahead of the game bro
for real
it is an interesting
it is an interesting time
to be in
but then since we
talked about it
a reporter
first of all Steve Curry
was like
Steve Kerr was like
I don't know much
about the situation which is fucking embarrassing Trump bodied him, Steve Curry was like, our staff, Steve Kerr was like, I don't know much about the situation.
And then Trump
bought him.
Which is fucking embarrassing.
Trump bought him
and then he was like,
oh,
he just went at me
because I'm the shiny object.
No,
he went at you
because you'll talk
shit about him constantly
who talks about
building a wall
and even before he was elected,
that's all he had done,
talk about building a wall.
Oh,
you can't spread
this hate speech.
China,
bought in everybody.
They don't give a fuck
about lives,
period.
And you don't know about it.
putting Muslims
in term in camps.
Yo.
The Uyghurs,
or I forget,
I don't know,
Uyghurs.
Desecrating mosques.
You would say that.
Son,
I don't know exactly,
yeah,
but they're like
desecrating mosques.
It's fucked up.
Now listen,
we knew this.
The whole time we knew this.
Here's my issue.
I don't care,
I don't expect,
and I mean this wholeheartedly, I do not expect black Americans to give a fuck about the Hong Kongese struggle.
Because I'll tell you one group that does not give a fuck about the black American struggle.
Hong Kong.
Hong Kongese people. You know, when Black Lives Matter was popping off, they ain't no Hong Kong people going, yo, we got your back. We'll help you this, that, the other. And I'll be frank with you.
From my experience with my black friends,
the Chinatowns have not been the most inviting place
for black people.
Hurry up and buy.
Now, y'all do be lingering.
Where else are you going to go?
No, lingering is the name of the girl that works there.
So the thing is with...
Lingering.
It sounds sexual.
No, it's actually ling-ling.
It just sounds like it.
Lingering.
That's our full name.
So, but that being said,
my issue is not we got to do something or have an opinion.
Honestly, fuck them.
It's not our business.
Like, real talk.
The only reason why we care is because
they make up 17% of the income in the NBA and probably more than that.
17, yeah.
17, yeah.
But no, but the thing is like this is how goofy Americans are.
It's like we always say stop interfering with other people's problems.
And then there's this shit over there and it's like how dare we not interfere with their problems.
Like figure it out, you pussies.
That being said, I don't think that we should give a fuck.
I really truly do not believe that we have to give a fuck.
That being said, I don't think that we should give a fuck.
I really, truly do not believe that we have to give a fuck.
What I'm saying is acknowledge that you are choosing not to give a fuck about a community or about a people in the world.
And then don't be shocked when there are people in the world that don't give a fuck about you.
It's that simple.
People, and even when it happens in your own country, sometimes people don't give a fuck about other groups besides themselves.
And that happens.
And as fucked up as it is,
it happens to be human nature.
Jay-Z said it best.
There's a line where he says,
I want to take care of the world I know,
but first I got to take care of the world I know.
I mean, no, there's bigger problems in the world I know, but first I got to take care of the world I know. I mean, no, there's bigger problems in the world I know.
But first, I got to take care of the world I know.
Like, literally, I know my direct people.
Yes, exactly.
And that's kind of how I've always lived shit.
Like, I've never tried to pretend to be the most astute in everything that's going on in the world.
Because there's shit going on in my immediate world that I can probably have a controlling stake in to try and help and fix and do that type of shit.
Like, truly? Somebody asked me about
what's going on in China. I kinda
know. Maybe.
Is there anything I can really do about it?
I would like if this was openly the policy.
That's the thing. Like, it would be
so much better if it was
because think about, like,
there are so many
people who want attention to their issues,
for their issues,
and they should want attention for their issues, right?
But keep in mind,
a guy who's this staunch Trump supporter,
factory worker in Kansas,
he don't give a fuck about Black Lives Matter
because it has nothing to do with him.
So maybe he doesn't hate or like black people.
It's just not part of his life.
Just like how you don't give a fuck
about his factory closing
because it's not part of your life.
Now, it's shocking to hear and take in,
but that's the reality of humanity.
We care about the people.
Like Jay-Z said, we know.
I mean, it's easier to,
it's a lot easier to act like you care.
You know what I mean?
Like it's a lot easier and a lot easier to stomach
to be well aware and well intentioned.
But when it comes down to actual action
and it comes down to like things
you can actually take care of,
there's only so much you can really do.
And to act like just being aware
and knowing things
is going to change
anything that's going on
in China
the fact
if LeBron James
came down
and had a whole
fucking dissertation
at a press conference
about everything
that's going on in China
is that going to change
any fucking thing
not a single fucking thing
nothing
can I ask you this
if an NFL team
signed Colin Kaepernick
is that going to change
anything about police brutality
nope
honestly I'm just saying I don't I'll tell you this I think you should play on a team Sign Colin Kaepernick? Is that going to change anything about police brutality? Nope.
Honestly?
I'm just saying.
I'll tell you this. I think he should play on a team.
I just think by that logic.
I'll tell you this.
Because you're kind of just giving them a pass on that and then asking other people to not.
You've got to remember, the only reason why Colin Kaepernick knelt was just to bring awareness to it.
Has he brought awareness to these issues?
Yes.
Yes, he has.
LeBron could bring a lot brought awareness to these issues? Yes. Yes, he has. LeBron could bring a lot
of awareness to the issues.
Kyle Kaepernick never said,
if you sign me to an NFL team,
cops will stop doing this. He was just saying
also, you have to
add that. No, but your point is
LeBron doesn't have to say anything
because what good is it going to do?
It's not going to save anybody in China.
NFL owners saying, you know what?
Colin Kaepernick stood up for what was right, and I believe this is a horrible thing that is happening.
And this is factual.
He's right.
I agree with Colin Kaepernick.
But let's say by that same logic, if an NFL team was like, you know what?
Colin Kaepernick said the right thing.
This is a fucked up thing that's happening in America.
I'm signing Colin Kaepernick.
Same LeBron logic.
Does that change anything about police brutality?
Doesn't change anything. Probably not. Same LeBron logic. Does that change anything about police brutality? Doesn't change anything.
Probably not.
And here's the thing.
They don't want to ruffle feathers
because they still need sweatshop workers
to make their equality t-shirts.
That's a wild thing, right?
And that's what we talk about
with selective wokeness
and kind of the fraudulence of it.
If we accept this is what it is,
LeBron cares about black people
because LeBron's black.
That's it. Great. Cool. I care about black people because LeBron black. That's it.
Great.
Cool.
I care about brown people
because I'm brown.
Great.
Cool.
I'm not going to give a fuck
about y'all stuff.
I care about all y'all
because I'm white and I have to.
Very simple.
I don't have a choice.
That's why it sucks to be y'all.
Yeah.
You got to care about everybody.
I got to care about the Uyghurs.
I don't even know how to pronounce them.
They got good food though.
The Uyghurs. they're like Muslim Chinese people.
There's a weird spelling.
Yeah, another thing that happened since we talked about it on Patreon,
they stopped the reporter from asking a question from CNN.
I saw that.
They cut that shit off and then she kept going.
But they tried to stay.
And then people at Sixers games came with free Hong Kong signs, booted them out.
Now, I looked into those people.
They were there to be booted out.
They went there for that reason.
Did they do anything beyond the signs?
They were like yelling about some shit.
That's what protesters do. They go in there.
They're willing to get arrested.
They wanted the attention. And the Sixers are so
stupid that they actually gave them the attention.
I would have let them sit there the whole fucking game.
Here's my question, though. Were they doing obnoxious things
that you should boot out beyond having the sign?
I don't know exactly what it was,
but it was more than just having the sign.
Maybe they were standing people's way or that kind of shit.
It was an organized thing. To be fair, there's
an NBA code of conduct that you sign
every time you buy a ticket that tells you,
hey, we have the right to kick you out for whatever
if you have a sign that we feel like is
not with our value, whatever the fuck it is.
They kicked out a Black Lives Matter sign.
100% no.
Yeah.
100% no.
It's the world we know.
Our league is 85%, high 80% black.
We just want people to accept that.
Yeah.
That's all we want.
That's all we want.
We just want to expose hypocrisy.
The only thing I dislike are hypocrites.
Not that I dislike.
I dislike, put it this way.
dislike or hypocrite not that I dislike
I dislike
put it this way
I dislike hypocrites
that act like
we aren't all them
like I'm okay
being a hypocrite
because I'm going to
tell you to your face
yeah I'm a hypocrite
I care about certain things
I don't care about others
and I let the things
that happen in the third world
happen and act like
they're not happening at all
I'm not better than anybody
I'm not better than nobody
I'm a piece of shit
just like everybody else
is a piece of shit
you can never let anybody down
who didn't expect
anything from you.
Simple as that.
Look,
I am fully aware
of the privilege I have
living in the first world
and I ignore all the fuck shit
that lets that happen.
100%.
The motherfucker
that gets up here
and acts like he's not,
now you make me feel
like a piece of shit.
And that's why people
are so giddy to watch you
watch your downfall. When you
build your brand up to be these type
of things and then A
plus B doesn't equal C one time
it'll be all over your ass man.
We've seen that. We've seen it happen.
The travesty and the biggest
problem going on in my life right now is should I
get tints on my car?
That was a ball of shit you just said, Alex.
I don't know if I should do it because I don't want to get pulled over.
But then it's like, if you don't get the tints on your car, you might get pulled over.
This is true.
Yeah, but it looks, but it's not going to look fun.
Nobody thinks a black guy is driving a Tesla.
No cop is seeing a Tesla and going, oh, there's a black guy in it.
Yeah, but when you see this black guy though.
True. No, no, but they don't even assume it. Yeah, but when you see this black guy, though. True.
No, no, but they don't even assume it.
Like, Teslas are like nerd cars, dude. Like, they're not ubiquitous with like, like.
Like, I'm getting pulled over in my Benz.
In a Benz? Like a Benz? Black guy in Benz? You're like, yes.
What color is yours?
It's deep blue.
Because I had the gray one.
I had a red one at first, and I got pulled over like a week into having it, and then I switched it.
So I got the gray specifically so I wouldn't get pulled over and I wasn't getting pulled
over that much.
But when I used to have a red car, I had a red joint.
Forget it.
And my ADG 35 was every week.
I missed the one red light and I had my red joint for a couple of weeks.
Immediately got a ticket.
Immediately got pulled over.
I was like, fuck this shit.
Black plus red equals blue, huh?
All right, guys.
What else you got, yo? I think we got to get out of here. That's what we got. Oh, shit. We huh? All right, guys. What else you got, yo?
I think that we got to get out of here.
That's what we got.
Oh, shit.
We're over two hours, man.
I love y'all.
Thank y'all so much for listening.
I hope you enjoyed the...
Yeah, we're going to do that in a minute.
I hope you guys enjoyed the episode.
I hope you enjoyed Jessa.
Go follow Jessa.
Go check out Akash on tour.
Check out his YouTube page.
Check me out on tour.
Check out what we got going on YouTube.
Check Kaz Dusey shows and all the things that he's cooking up.
Make sure you check that out.
You heard us talk about it earlier.
Check Ed and Spinning.
You can find Ed and Spinning.
TMI podcast as well.
Too much internet.
Oh, shit.
Ed and got the podcast as well.
Okay.
Make sure you check it out.
We got a lot of cool things cooking, man.
Very excited.
Announcement coming up in the very near future.
Cannot wait to share it with you guys.
Can't say anything more about it then, but just it's, yeah, man, we're building something.
That's all I can say.
We're building something.
This has been Flavor 2.
Peace.
Keep it tight.