Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Schulz Gets Death Threats feat. Bridget Kelly
Episode Date: July 30, 2019This week Andrew, Akaash, Kaz, & Love and Hip-Hop's very own Bridget Kelly discuss: relationship advice, making black men great again, Jeremy Lin whining, Ben Simmons having a new highlight video, th...e LA Lakers being sore losers, Bronny slamming like his pops, and much more. INDULGE!!! Want more? Become a Patron. www.Patreon.com/Flagrant2
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What's up everybody and welcome to another episode of flagrant to no easy buckets analysis by assholes water cooler commentary for your sports needs. I'm Andrew Schultz. I'm here with Akash Singh real life cast. We got Alex Alex media is out of the studio today. We'll see him again for the Patreon episode. But got edin we got edin martinez here on the
ones and twos doing both of them and um guys you know how we're gonna do it we're gonna start it
off with with our flagrant thought of the week i i had a a kind of annoying week because i've
been getting death threats from somalis for the last fucking seven days straight because i put
out this i'll i mean you guys probably all heard the bit.
First of all, I just want to point out,
they're like female general mutilation or whatever.
It's a joke about cutting off clits, right?
You said it so matter-of-factly.
Well, yeah, it is.
And it's like, I made it.
I made it while, I did it while I was in Toronto.
What I posted is just the setup and a riff.
That's not even the whole bit.
That's what I was thinking.
I was amazed that you were getting death threats over that.
I'll let you guys hear the joke.
It goes, this is the joke.
You've got to be happy, ladies.
Every one of you in here still got your clit.
Every one.
Oh, gosh.
Maybe some of the Somali chicks not, but the most of you.
What?
What?
Respect their culture. Okay?? What? Respect their culture.
Okay?
Malachi, respect their culture.
All right?
Jesus Christ.
If you're missing your clit, just take a little piece of your forehead and put it down.
Now, that's me riffing.
That's funny.
This is an audience Of 1200 people
Everybody's laughing
We're having a good time
I don't think people
Ask how many Somali fans
I have
Yeah
Like if you go
Outside of America
Like
Africans
That have been like
Forced out of Africa
Right
Like if I'm in England
Or whatever
The Somalis come out
Like if I'm in like
Toronto
It doesn't matter
They always come out.
Nobody had a problem with this joke.
So who would send you the death threats
from one of the Somalis?
This one was fucking impressive.
I was dying to hear this.
You want me to read it?
Andrew tweeted it was poetic.
You want me to fucking...
Please, read that shit.
Read the name too, fuck them.
All right, so, okay.
You fucking bitch. All right, I like it so far. That's a All right. So, okay. You fucking bitch.
All right.
I like it so far.
That's a nice setup.
Yeah, I like it.
If I ever catch you making FGM jokes, they have their own slang for female genital mutilation.
It's so common.
They write it so often that they LOL'd it.
They have their own little shot of it.
Jokes about Somali girls.
If you fucking white cunt,
I will personally kill you with my bare hands.
You no good for nothing.
Sick, degenerate, dog-kissing,
sister-fucking, white, swine-consuming.
I like how eating pork is up there with incest.
In their minds.
That eating pork is just as with incest in their minds. That eating pork is just
as bad as fucking your sister.
Pork breath cunt.
You're a dead man. I hope
you know that. Keep a close look over
the next Somali you see.
I hope they stick a knife so deep in your
jugular. Jesus Christ.
Your slave master ancestors
can smell your pork breath back to the pork
since they're rotting in their grave and ending up in hell.
Yeah, yeah, where are they?
Yada, yada, yada!
Where you will be heading soon.
You white bastards think you are really doing something dehumanizing our women as if your white bitches and whores don't have filthy, diseased, maggots filled, rotten, putrid pussies.
First of all, you guys
are the ones dehumanizing your women, but we're not gonna get that.
That was my first thought. I will draw blood from you
you white cunt. Your days
on this earth are numbered. Go molest
some kids like the rest of your race.
This is all the same person?
Same person.
Or go fuck your sister, Wills.
You're at it, you son of a white pussy stinking bitch.
I will kill you.
Mark my words.
So I received, this is the most like beautiful one.
I mean, this is like, it was just so beautiful.
Like this guy is so talented.
What's his name?
It's a shame that he has to cut off clits for a living i was like oh sons let me tell you something uh so i was receiving so many of these
somali twitter got on it and it's so dope because like is there an fgm twitter no no fg uh yeah you
right you're right there's there no no. This is afterwards, after I posted the bits.
Online hate.
It's so funny because there's this division between woke Somali Twitter and just regular Somali people.
Regular Somali people are sending the joke.
They're saying funny jokes like, honestly, I was the most offended by the forehead thing.
They're just having a good time with this the majority of people are just enjoying it but then the woke somali community got on it and oh my god they were going fucking crazy and i had all these
tweets talking about how fucking insensitive it was like how dare you that is so insensitive
to make fun of field mutilation field general mut. And my flagrant thought of the week is, you know what else is insensitive right now?
You know what else has no sensitivity whatsoever?
You know what else will have zero sensation?
I almost feel like me laughing.
A little piece of clit just sitting on a rock roasting in the Somalian sun.
God damn.
I almost feel like me laughing is going to get me in that threat.
But just the big one, Elizabeth.
Here's the thing.
Why would you want to kill me and not the people cutting the clits off?
Like, if there's an order of operations,
if there's a pen toss for what you cut off, right?
You would definitely go first with the people that are mut what you cut off, right? You would definitely go first
with the people that are mutilating
these women, right?
And I don't ever want to explain jokes
to people because I realize once we explain jokes
we're playing an away game.
We're not playing away games. We're just leaning into
our home game. We're comedians is what we're joking around about.
But the fact that
they could be so furious at a joke
that is about really,
it's a big forehead joke.
Really?
When you think about,
no,
no.
Cause the joke is,
the joke is actually,
I mean,
all right,
fuck it.
We'll explain the slightest bit of the joke just so they understand.
The joke is ladies in the West be wish you should be so grateful of what you
have because there are women out there that are getting their clits cut off.
I'm actually using the severity of FGM.
I love that it's FGM.
Dude, I can't.
Is that the episode title?
Obviously.
Next time we're in Somalia, we have to stay at the FGM Grand.
And here it is.
The greatest hotel.
the greatest hotel so
so the fact that
the fact that
they could even
turn this
into being worse
than the act itself
people are so
so crazy
to me
but that was my
flagrant thought
of the week
my gosh
I don't even know
how I could follow that
well
I was explaining
the odd cost
before
nah I'm not even
you don't want to come after the. Nah, I'm not even kidding.
You don't want to come after the clip.
You know who's not coming after the clip?
So, I'm kind of in the doghouse today, right?
I was kind of in the doghouse.
Can we have that as our eh-eh-eh?
We got a little buzzword.
When shit starts going down.
We start tapping it.
I like it.
Jesus Christ.
So I got in the doghouse today.
I came home yesterday.
I went to a party.
Alex was there.
You're still in the doghouse?
Sort of.
I'm a little bit out now, but yesterday I was for sure in the doghouse.
So I got stupid drunk yesterday.
Like OD drunk.
I haven't been this drunk In like A long time Okay
And
I got home around like
And day party drunks are different
Cause like you still got the whole night ahead of you
You think it's late
And it's not
It sucks
Oh yeah
So I got home like 10pm
And you know
My pregnant girl's at home
Chilling
Watching me
And
I fell asleep
Pretty early right
Before Euphoria and everything
Couldn't even watch my show right
And I woke up And I seen she was sleeping on the couch Right I fell asleep pretty early, right? Before Euphoria and everything. Couldn't even watch my show, right?
And I woke up, and I seen she was sleeping on the couch.
Right.
And I'm like, oh, shit, I must have been so drunk.
I was, like, spread out on the bed or whatever and, like, completely, you know, not regarding her or whatever.
So, you know, this afternoon, like, right before I come in, she goes, you know why I was really mad at you yesterday?
I was like why she's like when you were asleep you were like eating out your
hand and I'm like what like eating like food out of my hands like no like you
were asleep like going like like licking your hand like it was a vagina like in
my sleep like while I was a vagina, like, in my sleep, like, while I was
incredibly, incredibly drunk. How long has it been,
bro? What do you mean, how long has it been?
Since you guys boned, because that's what
this is. Nah, I mean, we still,
we still. You having pregnant sex?
Yeah. I heard it's better like that, too. It's great.
I hear DJ Envy swears
by it. Listen, it's like
Steph Curry throwing a shot up and walking her way.
Moisture, wet. It's wet. Like, you know it's like Steph Curry throwing a shot up and walking her way. Moisture.
Wet.
It's wet.
You know it's it.
But what do you do with the belly?
I'm not going to get into the supernets.
Anyway, I'll say all that to say.
It's just, it is a unique thing, right? I mean, it is unique.
Yo, DJ Envy, I was on The Breakfast Club, and I mean it is unique DJ Envy
I was on the breakfast club
And he said
It is his favorite time
To have sex
How many kids does he have?
Five, three
Jeez
He has a few kids
But he
He said
He like stopped the interview
He goes no
Pregnant pussy
Is how he described it
Was his favorite pussy
Fantastic
And he did say it was the most wet
Fantastic
Right
So I'm
My flagrant thought Is not so much a thought But it was the most wet. Fantastic. Right. So, my flagrant thought
is not so much a thought,
but it's like a flagrant question.
Right.
I felt bad,
but then I laughed.
But like,
is that cheating?
Is it?
Nah,
you could have been eating hers
for all you know.
I don't like,
You don't even remember.
I had no recollection of this at all.
So,
when she told me about it,
like,
I started dying laughing
because I'm thinking to myself,
like,
in my sleep doing that, knock the fuck out.
And I'm just like, well, she's upset.
So is it sort of?
You're supposed to be subconsciously faithful?
Like, what the fuck, bro?
Come on, son.
That's absurd.
No, I mean, she's the coolest woman of all time.
So she wasn't too upset.
Kaz's girl's great.
Kaz ain't shit. He drunk. She at home pregnant. It she wasn't too upset. Kaz's girl's great. Kaz ain't shit.
He drunk.
She at home pregnant.
It's good to know deadbeat Kaz extends beyond this podcast.
Well, if it makes it any fair, I went to the party because it was my boy Cam.
It was his birthday.
Shout out to him.
And my original flagrant thought before this.
Are you really asking if it's cheating to lick your palm in your sleep?
I don't.
But like...
Dude, what happened to black men?
Y'all were the fucking greatest, man.
Like, we looked up to y'all.
We wanted to do everything like y'all.
Y'all were the coolest people on the planet.
Charlamagne Duvall put out one song, and now you're a bunch of fucking gays walking around
sucking on your fingers and shit because you're not busy cheating.
This is what happens when black men don't cheat.
They start licking between the webbing of their fingers, man.
Go out and get some pussy, bro.
Put it on the house.
That should be reparations.
White people pay for black men to get pussy
so we have someone to look up to again.
Oh, my God.
I felt bad about it for some reason.
But why?
Because she felt bad about it. And, you know, I don't know it for some reason. But why? Because she felt bad about it.
And, you know, I don't know.
It was weird.
That's how she should know you're faithful.
That you're so horny you're eating out your hand in your sleep.
That's a valid-ass point.
That is a valid point.
That is a valid point.
I mean, dude, she should be so elated that you're only—
You're not even jerking off.
You're so faithful to her that in your sleep
you feel so undeserving
of pussy
that in your own wet dream
you gotta please them
you're a licking pussy
ain't that crazy
that is nuts
you're giving orgasms
dude
what a great man
man thank you for that
I needed that
I needed that
she needs to know about this
dude we need to make black men great again bro we really do man for that. I needed that. She needs to know about this.
Dude, we need to make black men great again, bro.
We really do, man.
Whoever needs to be president
in 2020.
Sounds like a guy from Black Panther.
That's the African president
we need, bro.
Oh my goodness, guys.
That was pathetic, bro.
I'm so sorry.
I mean,
my original Flickr thought was how problematic
artists make
all the best music.
Is that new
Chris Brown and Drake record?
Bro.
Flames, bro.
It hits different
in the summertime, bro.
Bro.
I literally listened
to that shit like 30 times
on the way here and back.
Didn't even change
the song one time.
I love it.
I'm just like,
fuck,
I'm so glad he got one.
I love it. I'm so glad Chris Brown got one, though. I love it. And he's back. Didn't even change the song one time. I love it. I'm just like, fuck, I'm so glad he got one. I love it.
I'm so glad Chris Brown
got one though.
I love it.
Got one.
He's officially back.
That is the
complete cosign.
Absolutely.
You got the Drake record.
Drake who you used to beef with
over the Rihanna shit.
True.
And now,
you guys are besties.
Yeah.
You're cool with Rihanna already.
We did fun videos together
and shit.
The video was great.
Drake was hilarious. It was a was great. Drake was hilarious.
It was a great video.
Drake was genuine.
There was a moment where I laughed out loud, and it was when he goes-
Before the snake?
No, no.
Before the snake, he goes, how'd you get your music so loud?
He's like, put it on my phone.
Put it on my phone.
Put it on my phone.
But the how'd you get your music so loud was a really good fucking riff.
It was just good.
People forget the motherfucker could really act, bro.
Yeah, he was an actual actor.
Yeah, I'm really looking forward to...
We cut down to ESPYs a little.
I know, I think when he hosted the ESPYs,
there were moments where I was like,
it was good, it was good.
Yeah, and SNL and a couple other things.
And he produces Euphoria,
which is one of my favorite shows.
I didn't know that.
That's a great fucking show, man.
You got to get into it.
Now they both slap.
Yeah, and they both slap.
There you go, Eddie.
And that's how you contribute before Akash tells you to shut the fuck up.
Okay.
Akash, what you got, bro?
I found the biggest Indian sellouts on earth.
You've seen these.
So first of all, you've seen these Hare Krishnas
Hare Krishnas
Hare Krishnas
It's like a cult
They all wear the orange
Like
I saw this Indian guy
On the train
He had mad
Like bracelets on
Like prayer beads
And stuff like that
And he's chanting
The whole time
And then at the end
He starts saying shit
Like
Some of them
Maggots
Ha
And I'm like
Yo
That's not us anymore
And then I realize He's wearing an orange t-shirt And I'm like yo that's not us anymore and then i realized he's
wearing an orange t-shirt and i'm like oh maybe he's a harikrishna and then he turns around and
he has a shaved head except for that one stupid ass braid yeah and that is the biggest indian
sellout on earth when you have hinduism but you say no you know what let me get the white version
of hinduism and walk around like a fucking cancer patient,
he's gentrified God.
And he's the biggest Indian.
I've never hated an Indian person more.
I don't care how many white girlfriends
you got. White?
He's not, but white people
bought into him. He's like,
what's that movie about the vegans in the 60s?
The vegans in the 60s?
The cult that was on netflix it was
a documentary they were there was a cult based on this guy yeah yeah yeah the bong yeah the vegans
yeah yeah they're vegans though oh show oh show yeah yeah most people know him from the same thing
though this is a brown guy who just conned a bunch of white people and given him money
and for you to go worship him instead of the actual god that he's pretending to be right there
it's so fucking crazy.
Like, it's infuriating to watch.
Yeah, that shit is weird.
I never really understood those people.
I used to play basketball with one.
Could he hoop?
Yeah, it was pretty nice.
Really?
Yeah, it was in Spain.
We had a Hare Krishna.
Oh, shit.
Yeah, fucking stunk.
It literally smelled bad, but he was pretty good,
and I asked him about it.
But I think some of them do it
just so they have a place
to stay wherever in the world
oh is that what that is
yeah cause you can just
like live at the
Hare Krishna house
I read this
a little bit of this guy's book
and uncle was like
hey this guy
you should check him out
and then I remember
the third
like they did like
an interview with him
and the third question was
you tell people to give up
material possessions
but you have a lot of gold
and stuff
why is that
you accept gifts from followers
he says well if you're
giving it to me
it's like giving it to God and I was like, all right fuck this entire dude forever
He's the first person of patreon money
Dude his page is so lit, bro. I mean we're not giving you guys enough for the patreon
You don't get no outfit. You don't get no haircut
get no outfit you don't get no haircut we really need to step up our patreon up hey any captain you get to have a full we're gonna give you a hari krishna outfit we'll send you a shrine of
andrew outgrit best way to do it my gosh it's fucking lit yo i had uh what's up bro i had a um i was up at this montreal comedy
festival right and i was hanging out there's a couple comics named the lucas brothers you guys
might yeah lucas brothers yeah big wrestling fans too yeah yeah yeah and they uh they're like two
twins black kids from newark and um we're just talking about, you know, comedy, what's coming down,
and, like, everybody policing it, the whole Dina Hashem thing we're talking about.
Yes.
And they said the funniest thing.
We're just talking, and they go, you know what?
Comics, we're the biggest gangsters in entertainment.
I go, what are you talking about?
He goes, no, no, we're the biggest gangsters now.
I go, why?
He goes, when you got rappers looking at comics, like, I go what are you talking about he goes no no we're the biggest gangsters now I go why he goes
when you got rappers
looking at comics like
could you guys tone it down
like that's a little distasteful
that's a little
a little problematic
use your words wisely
like
can you think about the message
you're putting out there in the world
oh my god
and the fact that like
that we're the only ones left just saying
shit completely unapologetically,
we're the most gangster motherfuckers
in entertainment, bro. We really are, bro.
CWA. We really are,
man. It's so
fucking crazy. Brownish?
Brownish.
We are the most motherfucking
gangster motherfuckers in entertainment. I love it. So that's what we gotta put out there in the world. That's the narrative. We are the most motherfucking gangster motherfuckers in entertainment.
I love it.
So that's what we got to put out there in the world.
That's the narrative.
Speaking of which.
We're going with it.
What's that?
It's kind of on that same wavelength.
Did you see Andy Cohen and that dude Titus from the Unbreakable, Kimmy Schmidt, whatever?
Christopher Tatum?
Black gay guy?
Yeah, black gay guy.
Yeah?
Oh, man.
I'm his new biggest fan bro new biggest fan talk
to me what happened so he was on uh i guess he was whatever the show that he hosts andy cohen
watch what happens watch what happens live yeah i bet you knew that no i actually hate him my girl
watches the other shows she hates him weirdly yeah every that's the thing everybody nope a lot
of people don't fuck with Andy Cohen
because he's a messy motherfucker.
I be saying I like him just to annoy her.
Yeah, I like this guy.
What am I mad about?
So he had Titus on the show.
Great.
And I guess they were talking about
the Dolomite movie he's in with Eddie Murphy.
And I guess they were talking about it
and yada, yada, yada.
And then he goes,
oh, so you're friends with Eddie Murphy?
You hang out with him? You talk with him? He's like, yeah, we just did a movie together. He gave me a lot of compliments it and yada, yada, yada. And then he goes, oh, so you're friends with Eddie Murphy? You hang out with him?
You talk to him?
He's like, yeah, we just did a movie together.
Like, he gave me a lot of compliments.
I was like, yeah, he's good.
He's like, oh, because, you know, I think he was a little problematic with his views on gays or whatever.
And Titus looked at him like, well, he's my friend and we were cool, so I don't think he has any problem with gay folks.
And he was like, well, you know, I just think he's like, no, no, no, no.
He's like, do your little show, sis like i really got that yeah like he got like he cleaned
that like he cut that shit off like before it could even get rolling though like he was like
no you're not gonna you're not coming for eddie murphy right now bro like whatever the fuck he
said 20 30 years ago like everybody was making gay jokes on eddie murphy raw and delirious dude
like don't give me that bullshit like so you know, you know, and that's what he does.
That's kind of like his shtick,
Andy Cohen.
Like, just doing like messy shit
with people.
And Titus,
who plays like a messy character
on the show,
put out a long fucking
Instagram post,
which I'll read to you.
And he's,
he calls Andy Cohen
sis and she,
whatever.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's like,
quote,
she can be a messy queen.
Yes, I said it.
Don't care if he
knows it either he should remember that his talk show is an episode of real housewives of atlanta
it's a place where artists come to talk about art and have a little fun not a place to rehash old
rumors or bring a star negative press sunday was a display of ratchet behavior by a well-connected
man having blatant disregard for one of his guests if only time were taken to know who i am and not
assuming that i am the character i play on tv he would know how to conduct a proper interview with, uh, at, he messed it up over here.
I received four Emmy nominations for acting, not for being myself.
He was lucky I had my wits and Christian values that day.
Always keep it classy.
Being friends with other talented celebrities doesn't make you talented.
It makes you friends with other famous celebrities.
He should rip a page from Anderson Cooper's book and learn how to do his job.
Whoa.
Whoa. Whoa.
Got him the fuck out of here, bro.
Eddie's dick must be good, bro.
Hey, man.
Our guest is here.
I'm going to go grab her.
Yeah, go get her.
Go get her.
We got a guest.
It's Titus.
Ain't it funny
that he got Titan his name?
And ass.
Yeah, man man so this guest
that we got coming in
I don't know her
to be honest with you
and I'm
I have no clue
I wanted
I have no clue
I don't know what to say
I don't know who she is
you know what's funny
y'all just sent me
like a picture of her
I can't fill you in
you don't know either
I know she's on Love and Hip Hop okay sent me a picture of her. I can't fill you in. You don't know either.
I know she's on Love and Hip Hop.
Okay, so she's on Love and Hip Hop Hollywood.
Hollywood.
It's Kaz's homegirl.
She has, I think, a song coming out or an album coming out.
I should probably get my feet off the chair she's going to sit on. You don't need to look at your Birkenstocks, son.
What's funny is Andrew got Birkenstocks the last few interviews.
You got to walk around with these all the time because it's just so misleading about who you are.
Here's the thing
about the Birkenstocks, right?
I almost don't want to say it,
but I'll say it.
But just don't get it.
It can't get back to Mark.
So you know the guy
who opens for me
who came in my bathtub?
Yeah.
So like,
he has like this huge fear of bears
because when he was a kid,
his older brothers
would scare him with a bear
mask.
They'd just run up on him and scare him.
And he's like a very scary kid in general.
Like if you just go, ah, he like really shakes.
Really?
Yeah.
So he was wearing Birkenstocks at the airport.
Right.
Right.
And Alex and I have been ripping him to the point where he stops wearing Birkenstocks.
Right?
Yeah.
One sec.
One sec.
One sec. Hey. So he was wearing Birkenstocks. Right? Yeah. One sec, one sec. Hey, so he was wearing
so he stopped wearing Birkenstocks.
We were scaring him that bad.
One sec, one sec, one sec, one sec.
And so he basically
just stopped wearing them.
So I bought Alex a pair
and me a pair.
Right?
And we're going to show up
to the airport wearing the Birkenstocks.
Right.
Or the next time we see it
we're both wearing the Birkenstocks
and we're going to rip him
for not wearing them anymore. And he's going to think that's the prank. Ands. Or the next time we see it, we're both wearing the Birkenstocks. And we're going to rip him for not wearing them anymore.
He's going to think that's the prank. And then out of nowhere,
I'm going to have someone in a full bear
outfit scare the fucking
shit out of him. And we're going to
videotape it all. So none of you tell Mark
that this is going to happen because it's going to be an amazing
prank. But I'm glad that you all know. Okay, our
guest is here. Come on in.
Sit down. Oh, she's injured
too. Thank you for braving injury to come on in sit down oh she's injured too thank you for
braving injury to come on this podcast get over here bridge
hi Bridget hi Bridget thanks for sitting down my gosh I'm mad that Birkenstocks I didn't know
Birkenstocks was the theme I would have been mad you got Birks for sure I do That's what's up. Why you guys hate it, bro?
Hey, I came in late
to the Birkenstock talk,
so I wish I knew.
You don't need
Birkenstocks, bro.
No, not my feet.
Have you seen Kaz's feet?
No.
You got Frodo feet?
It's like that.
Frodo is generous, too.
I've taken steps
to curb that.
Nah, dude,
it's too late, dog.
Taking steps?
What kind of steps?
I got Frodo feet.
Kaz built like
a fucking centaur.
Yeah, it's not good.
Wow.
It's not a good look.
So it's just large calloused, hairy, crazy.
I mean, it's not as calloused anymore.
It gets soaked, but it's still got like the weird toe thing going on.
It's just awful.
We'll get to his feet in a second.
Kaz, can you introduce our guest, please?
Introducing our very special guest, very good friend of mine, long-time friend of mine,
singer-songwriter.
You can see her on Love & Hip Hop Hollywood.
You can see her on the Steve Harvey show as well.
Give it up for my good friend Bridget Kelly
at the Flickr YouTube podcast.
Wait, so you do Steve Harvey's radio show?
His daytime show.
It used to be on NBC.
Okay.
And what do you do on that?
I'm not familiar and I feel bad.
Same.
Because I'm usually very prepared for this.
I'm just selling Akash.
Kaz just sends us your like instant one Instagram post he doesn't like break the whole thing
down I got the email and the songs and everything it's just like this is my
friend and I'm right she's like she can text me directly and be like hey okay
that's all we're trying to figure I just want to set the table okay so it's a
love and hip-hop let me get this yeah I don't know who table. Okay, so it's Love & Hip Hop. Let me get this hair out of here. I don't know whose hair that is.
Mine is green, so I can always tell when it's not mine.
Not yours.
Okay, so Love & Hip Hop, Hollywood.
Yes, Love & Hip Hop, Hollywood.
I live in L.A., even though I'm a New Yorker.
I moved to L.A.
Oh, you're from New York?
Yeah, I grew up in Chelsea.
Chelsea?
Gay?
Hello?
Do you not see the stripes?
All the colors?
Like, come on.
No, okay. Wait, really? Chelsea, where'd not see the stripes? All the colors? Like, come on. No, okay.
Wait, really?
Chelsea, where'd you go to school?
I went to PS41 for elementary school.
My brother went to PS41.
Oh, now we're in the middle.
How old are you?
33.
Okay.
No, no, I'm 35, so I'm a little older than you.
But I used to play ball at PS41.
I went to PS6, but keep on going.
Okay, PS41.
Okay, what middle school?
Can I guess?
No, you wouldn't guess.
You would get it wrong.
I went to a private, no, I went to a private school. Bougie! No, just smart, okay. but keep on going okay PS41 what middle school can I guess no you wouldn't guess you would get it wrong
I went to a private
no I went to a private school
bougie
no just smart
okay
not bougie
just really nerdy
I want to know how bougie was
you said you were smart
mad bougie
just saying
literally
turn your fingers up
no just smart
just smart
not bougie
which one
which one
De La Salle Academy
it's really small
it used to be
sounds familiar it used to be sounds familiar
it used to be
isn't that a Catholic school
kind of
it was run by
Franciscan Brothers
but it's not really
it's not really Catholic
it's not
we don't do
it's run by
Franciscan Brothers
yeah but it wasn't like
you know
we had to go to mass
and wear a uniform
it wasn't that
it was like private though
it was just private
Franciscan Brothers
Franciscan
Chelsea
what is the name
going on
teacher had to be lesbians in this school is that what's happening in France no I went to It was just private. Franciscan brotherhood. Franciscan, Chelsea. What is the theme going on?
Teach you how to be lesbians in this school?
Is that what's happening in France? No, I went to performing arts school.
I went to LaGuardia.
That's where they teach you how to be a lesbian.
No, I'm just kidding.
Yes.
And Nikki?
Oh, well, performing arts school is not gay.
So there goes the theme.
Oh, so colorful me.
So Che was, Che's what, my age?
Che graduated
a little older
I was either a freshman
or a sophomore
when Michael graduated
right
and then Nikki
Nikki was already gone
she was already gone
she was a little bit older
wow
she old
how old is Nikki
she pushing 40
she's not old
she's not pushing 40
she's like what
37 maybe
yeah
that ain't
that ain't pushing 40
yeah
now that I'm looking at it
once we get to our 30s we trying to hold on let us just hold on okay we holding on That ain't pushing 40? Not as I'm looking at it.
Once we get to our 30s, we trying to hold on.
Let us just hold on, okay?
We holding on.
Listen, that's fine.
You can hold on.
Okay.
Here we go.
See, we're a little old to play with Barbies, don't you think? I want to set this whole thing up.
I want to see, understand who I am.
I didn't know I was with a New Yorker.
I thought I was with a real LA folk.
No, I'm a New Yorker.
You know what I mean?
This is New Yorker.
And you're like New York, New York.
Like Chelsea.
Like 212 New York, yes.
Where in Chelsea exactly?
20th and 9th, actually.
20th and 9th.
Those projects right there?
Right across the street, yes.
Where the Damon Wayans and the Wayans brothers are from?
All the Wayans grew up, yes.
Oh my gosh.
Funny you mention that because she has the Wayne head boot on right now.
I do have the Wayne head boot on.
Look at this.
How did that happen, by the way? This is a real New Yorker. I got run over by to put on. Look at this. How did that happen,
by the way?
This is a real New Yorker.
I got run over
by a Vespa in Paris.
No shit.
So bougie, bro.
That's the most bougie
shit ever, dude.
We get it.
You're rich.
I got hit by a Vespa.
We get it.
You're rich.
We get it.
You like gay things.
Dude.
Yeah, you are not
making a case
for like the cocks at all.
I'm so sorry, guys. In Paris. There's nothing straight for liking cocks at all. I'm so sorry, guys.
In Paris.
There's nothing straight or masculine about that at all.
So you were saying something about...
Oh, Steve Harvey.
So, I mean, I'm an artist first.
I'm a singer-songwriter.
So on Steve Harvey, I mean, that really is just a panel called Straight Talk,
and we just talk about relationships.
It's me and two other women.
Are you in a relationship?
No.
So what the fuck you talk about relationships it's me and two other women are you in a relationship no so what the fuck you know about relationships everything that i've done wrong i want to tell
everybody not to do please listen to me i have trashed every relationship what are the mistakes
we make what it makes you what are the mistakes i'm sort of in the doghouse a little bit why are
you in the doghouse right now you can't afford to be in the dog house. He was in his dreams.
He was licking his own hand because he hadn't had sex in so long.
And his girl got upset because he was eating hand pussy all night.
And his pregnant wife got very upset.
Hand pussy does not sound appetizing or like a good substitute for real pussy.
It depends if you had some jollof rice before.
I came home from Cam's joint super drunk on Sunday.
Okay.
And I crashed out at like 10 p, like 10 p.m. probably?
Oh, dear.
And I fell asleep, and I woke up, and she was sleeping on the couch.
And I'm thinking, you know, maybe she could have...
Who falls asleep like this, though?
Who falls asleep?
Oh, no.
That's how you were asleep?
So she saw me.
She was like, the reason why I was mad at you is because, like, you were eating out of your hand.
I'm like, what does that mean?
And, like, I was eating food out of my hand.
She's like, no, like, you were, like, licking your hand like it was like yeah a vagina and i was like like it was some
pumper and i'm like who the fuck and he made a great point it's like yo i'm so faithful that in
my dreams i'm were you having a nasty dream i don't remember i don't remember any of this like
she told me this i'm just like you don't even remember if you were having a nasty dream? No, I don't. I usually wouldn't remember anything.
You're lying.
You told us what you were dreaming about.
What was I dreaming about, Andrew?
You said that his child just got birthed and he was just licking the afterbirth off of
his...
Honestly...
Is that placenta?
If that was really the case, I would have been sleeping on the couch, too.
That's some bullshit.
That's some bullshit, guys.
I get it.
That's some bullshit.
That's crazy.
I get it, yo.
That's a different level.
I need some advice. what do I do right now
How does he get out
The dog house
Yo what if
But what if
She woke up
What was she really
Mad about though
Cause that sounds
Like an excuse
He wasn't even pussy
He was sucking on his finger
Real hard
That's what he was doing
So you came home
You were smacked
First of all
I came home super duper smacked
We have FOMO right
We're the fun
We're literally the fun police
And I can't I cannot I don't have any children So I don't know what it's like To be smack first of all super duper we have FOMO right we're the fun we're literally the fun police and
I can't I've I cannot I don't have any children so I don't know what it's like to be to be you
know the one thing she'll do though is like she'll be like oh go out and have fun and I don't know
what's a farce I know she doesn't really want me to go out and have fun no but I call her bluff
I'm telling you I'm telling you it's a trap you can't you take the bait but you know baby I'm telling you. I'm telling you. I know farce is a trap. You can't. You take the bait.
Nah, baby.
I'm going to pretend to love you tonight.
Not pretend to love.
You learned us for this day how my girlfriend is the coolest girlfriend in the world.
Which she is.
She's amazing.
Ain't no woman now, bud.
You don't get in trouble like I got in trouble six months ago, bro.
Damn, Kaz.
Come on.
Pick up on something.
You got no subtle cues.
That's why you're in the dark.
Zero.
You're not helping nobody out Kaz
You know who is
One of my best friends
Birthday
Yes
Of course
How old is this dude
About 30
Just turned 35
Grow up
What you still having parties
For at 35
Grow up
You been have a baby son
Well let you tell it
We pushing 40s at 35
So we might as well
Celebrate every single year
We gotta turn all the way up
every day we get
a chance to
Nikki old as fuck
it really just sounds
like it's fun police
so you just gotta
make it up to her
be thoughtful
be thoughtful
get her flowers
make her dinner
you know how my
medicine job
every night
I got flowers
Addie you came to the crib
those flowers
were on the table
it was very nice
you enabling this
behavior bro
what you mean
I would be in a bad mood
too if I got dinner
every night out of it.
First of all,
you need to lay
the law down.
No, get the fuck
out of here.
Y'all would all be pissed
if you came home
and your girlfriend
or significant other
is laying there
slobbering all over
her finger
and not sucking you off.
You'd be pissed off.
I'd just drop my dick
right there.
That's what I do.
Thank you.
Put that thing out. Put the thing that she wanted to slob dick right there. That's what I do. Hey. Thank you. Thank you. Just clear.
Pull that thing out.
Put the thing that she wanted to slumber all over.
That's teetering on nonconsensual activity.
What are you, married?
You know, nonconsensual activity.
What, married?
Just a little married?
Just a little me too late.
That's a slipper snow.
You know how often you're teetering,
and it's teetering, teetering, that pussy.
That's a slipper.
Teetering, teetering.
You know how often girlfriends will wake their man up with a blowjob?
This is true.
It's the opposite.
Is that teetering?
Ah.
Mmm.
Ah.
See?
See?
Ah.
When it's just a blowjob.
When it's just a blowjob.
It's never that easy.
I mean, how many times have you been like, no, I'm cool?
She already sucking on her finger.
You just substitute it like a little Me Too lollipop.
Boom.
Me Too lollipop. Holy! Me Too lollipop.
Holy shit.
This is a real blow pop, bro.
Oh my God.
And some gum in the middle, too.
You work it.
I cannot.
I cannot.
But that's good to know.
That's good to know that no one ever objects to that.
Okay, so we need relationship advice on this show.
All three of us are in relationships.
It just sounds like she was salty that she couldn't go out with you.
And she felt a way that you came home and you didn't just put your face in it like watermelon on the 4th of July.
You was playing around with your hands instead.
I'd be pissed off too.
I don't even remember the dream.
Yeah, but she was sleeping.
You can't meet to her in her sleep, according to you.
Well, she didn't even try.
I was not.
We're not going to talk about this anymore.
This is crazy.
But yes,
I think you're doing the right thing.
Keep doing what you're doing.
We want relationship advice from you.
I don't think you want relationship advice.
Why not?
Andrew,
you're doing a lot.
I am.
You have all the answers.
No, I don't.
I need to get the answers.
That's why I'm an active listener.
This is true.
Is Andrew an active listener?
Yes.
Yes, he is.
All right.
That's very impressive. No, I am active. Most men are not active listeners. an active listener? Yes. Yes, he is. All right. That's very impressive.
No, I am active.
Most men are not active listeners.
We're not?
No.
We usually got to say some shit we're listening to.
You can't be just saying some dumb shit about what Megan felt today.
I'm not going to give a fuck about Megan and her feelings.
It's true.
I mean, that's when we become an active.
I mean, yeah, but you just,
sometimes the same way
that we got to pretend
to care about half the shit
y'all talk about,
you got to pretend
to care sometimes.
What do you mean?
You do.
I will gladly train.
Hold on,
what do we talk about
this board?
What do we talk about
this board?
What do guys say
this board?
The majority of guys
don't really have anything
to say that's substantial
in conversation.
That's to us.
That's facts.
To us.
Now if I say the same thing.
Hold on.
Hold on.
This is a good one.
Tell us what's boring.
And the reason I'm going to say,
I'm not going to say it's boring
because I'm not going to qualify
if it's good or bad.
It's just a difference
of interest and opinion, right?
Right.
Majority of women,
most women,
are not really into sports.
They don't give a shit about stats.
Correct.
And y'all can sit
and talk about sports
for fucking hours on end.
Yeah, but what happens
when you bring out that hammer?
What part of the conversation is that?
That's usually what ends the conversation.
Nothing else to say.
Y'all done with this small talk?
Nothing else to say.
No more small talk.
Problem solved.
Problem solved.
Is there a dick beautiful enough
that it could just be brought out
in mid-conversation and you're like,
all right, fine.
There is no dick beautiful enough
to shut up a woman.
I'm not saying that right now.
Let me ask her.
You should probably ask the woman in her room.
Is there a dick beautiful?
No, no.
Just imagine the most beautiful dick
you ever thought of in your life.
Okay.
I know you probably had one,
at least one in your life
that was so beautiful.
I've seen a couple that are very well put together.
Okay, now,
now imagine. Not enough to shut me up though what about more beautiful
especially when you're mad
especially when I'm mad
what about more beautiful
than that
even more beautiful
even more beautiful
like no
just imagine
everything that makes
that dick beautiful
and then a little bit more
listen
and women
women who watch this
are gonna be pissed off
that I'm saying this
we hate to be wrong.
Right.
Even when we're wrong, we're still going to keep talking.
See, this is where-
So it doesn't matter.
Please get into it.
It really doesn't matter how beautiful your dick is.
I could be completely dead wrong and still not shut the fuck up.
It just won't happen.
Okay, this is hypothetically speaking.
There's no amount of beauty that a dick is-
There's no amount of glisten.
No woman in the world knows.
There's no amount of glisten that a dick is going to have that's going to make me shut up.
The beautiful dick comes out, right?
Okay.
All right.
Beautiful dick comes out.
It glows.
It glows.
Right, right, right.
It has a song.
One hand.
A beautiful scent.
It doesn't matter.
Alexa, play Bring in the Pain.
Definitely not. Totally did not set the mood for that. Okay. Alexa play bring in the pain definitely not
that's
totally did not
set the mood for that
okay so
what if
what if
what if the dick comes out
right
and then
the guy just
just
delicately
just
taps it twice
on the top of your head
just
just
on the back
just where the
where Yarmulke would go
just a
just a couple
just a couple little
like a little
boop boop, boop,
like that.
Very unholy.
Very unholy.
Would that change anything?
No.
It might be unholy,
but you're fitting to get
on your knees though,
ain't you?
There it is.
Hey!
What?
I was just speaking Hebrew.
That was Jew shit.
Yeah, I just went to a bar mitzvah.
He's annoyingly cultured, right?
So he'll say certain shit that you would not even know.
Tell me, is that a song that's accompanied by getting hit in the head with a dick?
No.
It's accompanied by chopping the tip of your dick off.
I mean, that's a feasible outcome if you hit me in the back of the head with a dick.
It's a feasible outcome to get it chopped off.
Have you ever wanted a guy to get circumcised and asked him if you would?
I don't deal with men that aren't circumcised.
Wow.
Eden, go back to your fucking country, Eden.
I am proudly circumcised.
Thank you.
You say you're proudly uncircumcised, Eden?
I am proudly circumcised.
Oh, okay.
There we go.
Is there anybody in here uncircumcised?
Stop it.
No one wants to admit it right now if If they are. I'm circumcised.
I'm sorry.
But Eden's not circumcised.
How would you know that?
Because you showed me your dick.
Didn't look circumcised.
I thought you wouldn't tell anybody.
No, it didn't.
His dick looked like a blunt.
Yikes.
Well, I don't smoke backwards either, so there goes that.
Oh, there you go.
Damn, you're bougie, son.
Extremely. I'm a singer. They're bad for my voice. What? Backwards. either so there goes that oh there you go damn you're bougie son extremely extremely
I'm a singer
they're bad for my voice
what
this is true
backwards
we're talking
no
no
no
I told you it's a lie
I know
I told you it's a lie
I warned you
your skin is bad
for your vocal cords
it's hilarious
I mean
I might start to claim that
you might be like
listen I'm so sorry
now you got a I got an actual skin I'm so sorry I really can't I can, I might start to claim that. I might be like, listen, I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I really can't. I can't engage.
I'm crying off that.
I can't engage.
So if a guy had an uncircumcised penis, it would be something that you weren't that attracted to?
No.
It's like, no.
Not into it.
I'm not into it.
Hypothetically speaking, how would you feel if a guy didn't like the way your vagina looked?
If there was some of your vagina
hanging out a little bit like a jellyfish?
Wow. Like a jellyfish?
Yeah. Would you feel a little offended that
they didn't want to do that?
Like the octopus in Finding Nemo. There we go.
Just everything everywhere. The shoes on the other foot.
Wow. And this leads to my question about accountability
with women. Wow. Yeah, we'll get
into that. I think that's important.
How would you feel about that?
I would be okay.
I'm actually very confident.
I'm very confident
in the appearance
and performance of my vag.
I really don't have
any insecurities about it.
So, I mean,
if a guy felt uncomfortable,
I'd be like,
okay, cool.
It's all you, bro.
I think somebody else
would be okay with it.
Absolutely.
Just like,
I mean,
that's the response
I would expect
for a guy to give me
about, you know,
trying to wear a hoodie
in the pool. That's what that feels like to me. That's what response I would expect for a guy to give me about trying to wear a hoodie in the pool.
That's what that feels like to me.
That's what it means.
Have you ever experienced uncircumcised penis and does it feel different?
No, just the sight of it was just not a thing for me.
It shuts off the valve.
Yeah, no, it turns the faucet all the way off.
There's nothing there for me.
No, it turns the faucet all the way off.
There's nothing there for me.
Now, have you ever been in a relationship and you were okay with the guy in the relationship dating another girl?
No.
You would never be okay with that?
No.
Would you ever bring another girl into the relationship for like a little threesome action?
I think it depends.
It depends.
Really?
Yeah.
I think it depends.
What's the depending um it depends it depends honestly it depends on my on on my trust level and transparency with the guy okay okay have you
done this before have i had threesomes before yeah really yeah what was the best now did you
go hey we should have a threesome or did the guy say it? So, I can reference two experiences.
One best
threesome experience, honestly, was with two other women
and not a guy at all.
Women eat pussy better.
I'm sorry. I did not know about this.
Oh, I believe that.
How did that come about?
That's a whole other story.
Let's start there.
This is the place to tell that story. We'll leave that where that is. I feel like that's whole other story. Let's start there. This is the place to tell that story.
We'll leave that where that is.
I feel like that's the only story.
I think Akash said that very beautifully.
So I would like to know how that happens.
Because I would like to know how...
It was three single women, experimental, and we just, yeah.
Who proposed it?
One of the other girls.
One of the other girls did.
And how did she say it?
What was the line? I don't remember, but we were... Paint? One of the other girls. One of the other girls did. And how did she say it? What was the line?
I don't remember, but we were, I mean.
Paint a picture for us.
No.
No, it's not a picture worth painting.
Not a picture worth painting.
Now, was she a, was she like a very feminine girl like you?
Both were.
We were all really feminine.
We were all super feminine.
Yeah.
Wow.
So if you were with the women, that's the type of woman you would be into.
Not like a doodly.
No, if I was being into women, it would be a really feminine woman.
Gotcha.
Yeah.
Okay.
Interesting.
The other one, though, I was the girl that was brought in and it was a relationship situation.
And that was really uncomfortable.
What happened?
Because she was super into it and he was kind of left out.
Not left out, but per se, but the energy.
So he kind of felt a way after. And I felt bad because I was friends with both of them and it was he was kind of left out not left out but per se but the energy so he kind of
felt away after and i felt bad because i was friends with both of them and it was a little
bit weird so you're saying during the the sex you and her were doing it more and he was like
supervising it right more so yeah that's the worst which was which i mean he seemed he seemed to be
into and then when it was like it was very clear there was no room for him at all it was like damn
sorry bro yeah you're just getting cupped out at that point
oh dude awful I've been that
you're just watching live porn at that point
with your girl girl though
no no with these two girls and they just
like they were really and I was just kind of like
that sucks but this is like
just felt like a squirrel you know what I mean
I was just trying to find a little place to put the dick
you know what I mean like where can I hide this
where can I hide his nuts
I got some data like'd like to hide.
You know what I mean?
Anybody need some dick over here?
Let's try to destroy your nuts somewhere.
That's all.
Walking around like a hobo.
I got spare dick, spare dick here.
Spare dick for anybody.
Spare dick for anybody.
I think at one point, like, I just kind of sat down on the bed.
Just watched.
Just started tweeting shit.
Like, I was just like, what are y'all done, man?
Yeah, they were really into it.
That sucks.
I just wanted to go to sleep.
Oh my God.
That sucks.
Being a boyfriend,
that was even worse
because it's like,
I'm with this girl.
100%.
And now you feel like
there's a bunch of shit
you didn't know
before you got there.
You fucked up a relationship
between two friends.
Ain't that crazy?
I actually didn't.
They actually,
yeah, they stay together.
They're married.
I'm not gonna lie.
No shit.
Yeah, they're married.
They have a baby now.
I'd maybe like use that time to get some work done.
Because my girl couldn't be upset at me.
She's like, why aren't we hanging out?
I was like, well, you're getting your pussy ate.
I didn't want to.
So I'm going to do some emails or whatever.
You should invite her over weekly.
Yeah, this is a perfect house time.
This is great.
Usually I have to take a shit to do that, but now.
Babe, I got to shit again.
I take four shits a night.
Oh my God.
Is that what it takes to get some me time for a guy in a relationship?
What?
No way.
Guys, is that true?
No.
Why are we out here taking fake shits?
I mean, listen.
I got a hemorrhoid off of taking fake shits.
My girl legitimately gets mad at me when I'm in the bathroom too long, because I'll take
the shit and just sit there.
Soak it up for a second and just have your moment.
That's my office.
I'll get my phone.
I'll send emails out.
I got my iPad.
I'll do all types of shit.
So are you still in there?
I'm like, yeah.
So you all right?
I'm like, yeah.
That's brilliant.
I'd just be getting in trouble.
Use that bathroom, dog.
There's a reason it stinks.
So we can have privacy.
God built that in.
If it smelled good, our girl would be with us in
there while we shit that's very that's very true god we needed some time that's i mean that's a big
you know threshold in a relationship too when you're just like watching each other's shit
yeah i know i ain't i ain't cross i'm not gonna watch you haven't crossed that seriously
no has she watched you no why oh my gosh now you know what they do eat Indian food bro I don't know if you want
To be around that
I'm saying it's a different
Valid
That's a valid point
Valid
That's a valid point
Bro it's a different level
I don't want to look at that
And smell that bro
How long have you been
With your girl though
And that not be a thing
Almost four years
And you've never been
In the bathroom
Neither one of y'all
No why would we do that
To each other
What about P
You ever hear her P stream
Oh P I don't mind
But do you hear the stream
That shit is strong That shit is strong P's strong bro That shit is How would we do that to each other? What about pee? You ever hear her pee stream? Oh, pee, I don't mind. But do you hear the stream?
That shit is strong. Strong.
That shit is strong, dog.
You always pee strong, bro.
That shit is.
When I got to follow my girl in there, I'd be pushing so hard just to like.
I'm like, try to catch up.
You don't have more base than me.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm doing a show and she's a hungry middle.
You know what I mean?
She's just crushing in front of me.
Wow.
Bladder strong as shit.
Bro, it's even a pissing contest when it's a pissing contest.
No,
I'm learning a lot about men.
That stream is different, dog.
It is.
That stream is different.
Oh, man.
Nah,
but you gotta watch your girl's shit.
The Ghostbusters
can shoot that shit
out of their guns.
The proton pack?
Yo,
Bladder's a fucking proton pack, dog.
Real talk,
don't cross the stream, man.
Oh my gosh.
But you gotta watch your girl's shit.
Like you have to. Nah. That has to be a thing. But you gotta watch your girl shit. Like you have to.
Nah.
That has to be a thing.
I ain't watching my girl shit.
You have to.
You've done that?
Yes.
I watched my girl shit like yesterday.
He about to watch her have a baby.
He about to shit out a baby.
Yeah, facts.
She might take a shit while she's having a baby.
Yeah, she told me about that.
She was like, it's gonna be really...
That's why you stand at the head of the bed.
Nah, I wanna see all of it.
Nah, you don't.
I'm telling you.
I'm telling you.
I'm telling you. I want the whole experience
It's my first one
You seen
You seen childbirth
On YouTube
But like I haven't been in a room
To see the childbirth
I've been in a room
It's the
Most vile shit
I've ever seen in my life
Bro you don't wanna look
Cause you wanna still find your girl
100%
I still will
You know what
The baby
Cause I'm fucked up like that
Like the strength that that takes like turns me on even more.
Oh, get the fuck out of here, you liar.
I swear to God, bro.
Kaz is so in love with his girl that he's totally okay watching her shit and that baby
at the same time.
Deadass.
I've known this girl for 16 years, bro.
That was like high school.
He was trying to get out the doghouse.
I mean, I'm already out of it, but you know.
Man, you ain't out of it.
I was hoping somebody would give me some help.
Thanks a lot.
Yo, we were here for you.
We're asking, you know, our relationship. I said, yeah. We were here for you. We're asking our relationship.
I said, yeah, you're asking about threesomes that had nothing to do with Cass.
We were done with Cass.
To be fair.
Just so we're clear.
He is having sex with his pregnant girl.
What we're not going to talk about right now.
What we're not going to do. What we're not going talk about right now That's What we're not gonna do
What we're not gonna do
I'll tell you this
Alright
We have the line
Right
That's it
Right there
We're staying
We're staying right back here
I'm just saying
No
No
No
No
No
I will flip this table right now
Why
I will flip this table right now You know? I will flip this table right now.
You know who else is probably upset?
It's your baby.
Having to feel his dad's dick all up in his mom.
I think we should take this out while this is going on.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
That's going to be fucking weird.
This is what the baby feels constantly.
Fucking the Joker.
Oh, my God, you guys.
Talk about consent.
Consent is important.
My God. Consent is important Consent is important See
It is
Let's talk about music
Let's talk about some music
So what is
What is
No
I first met Bridget
Several years ago
Yeah yeah
When you were having
A threesome
With your girlfriend
She made you sit there
Like a punk
That's where you learned
How to lick your fingers
Jesus Christ She made you sit there like a punk. That's where you learned how to lick your fingers.
Jesus Christ.
Oh, gosh.
Anyway, I met Bridget several years ago.
You think that's why babies suck their thumbs?
Because they're traumatized from dad fucking up. Shut the fuck up.
Caz is probably huge, too.
That's the thing.
You've got to be careful, dog.
Somebody sent us a... You've got to be careful thing You gotta be careful dog Somebody sent us
You gotta be careful Kaz
You remember somebody
Sent us Kaz's dick print
Oh dude yeah
They sent your dick print
Oh yeah
That shit was as big as
It was soft
But it was massive dog
You gotta be careful dog
You gotta be careful
There's nothing that could
Nothing's gonna hurt that
That shit was a French baguette
You bought Kaz's dick
At Trader Joe's
To be fair
It was more of a Pumpernickel baguette By Kaz's dick At Trader Joe's To be fair It was more of a
Pumpernickel baguette
You bought Kaz's dick
At Trader Joe's
More of a multigrain
I would say
100
Honey oats
Okay so
Oh fuck
Not honey oats
Not honey oats
Why?
Not honey oats
That shit is filling
Filling?
Yeah
It's nice brown
Okay so
So yes
Outside of concern
You know for like Safety issues I do want to get back to music.
Yes.
Now, you have a single that's coming out.
When you release this single, can you do me a favor?
Sure.
Can you just release every song as a single and be the second artist to do that with great success?
I mean, that's what Tekashi did, right? He would just release a single. be the second artist to do that with great success I mean that's what Takashi did right he would just release single every month the album who cares just release the single every month make it a thing make
it something that we look at make it something we want to digest something
we're looking forward to why the whole album well I'm not doing a whole album
I'm doing an EP how many is that five oh okay that's fine but still and the
single is one of the five. So technically
there's only four more that come after that. And we're doing
a short film around it. So it's just
a bigger project with this.
Well, yeah. It'll be a visual that covers all
the songs and then there's the actual EP and then I'll
do another EP in like a couple months.
Nice. So it'll be like five songs, four
or five. We just keep dropping little
things that go. So constant content.
Love that. Constant.
Constant.
Okay.
Music videos for these or no?
Yeah.
Does the music video,
there was a time where the music video
dropped off in popularity.
Now it almost feels
like with YouTube and Vivo.
Instagram TV.
Instagram TV.
Did a YouTube,
did a video
can promote a song again?
I think there was a time where it was meaningless.
Right.
And now.
I think because directors got lazy after a while.
Well, the budgets went down.
The budgets went down because you were able to film stuff on like an iPhone.
Right.
Because people could make videos on an iPhone.
Right.
You just put on Worldstar.
Because everybody got creative.
And no one in the industry realized Bevo was going to be a big thing or YouTube was going
to be the big thing.
Right.
So they were like, we're not spending money on this.
Right. So they were like, we're not spending money on this.
Right.
So now they do.
Like your company, your record label or whatever it is, it's like, hey, this is an important part of the rollout.
Because I'm doing an EP, I feel like I wanted to, I mean, we're doing literally just one
long form video with all the songs in the video.
Oh, okay.
So like a short film.
Yeah, so like a short film.
So it'll just be like a consistent story.
And I mean, for for me it's nostalgic
with a lot of different videos that I love from when I was
a teenager and a kid
like A. Marie Why Don't We Fall In Love
one of my favorite videos
Kelly Rowland and Nelly's Dilemma
you know what I mean like there's some cute little
there we go
it's just like some cute romantic fun sexy
summer shit so that's the vibe
love you love you for me Romantic, fun, sexy summer shit. So that's the vibe. See you. There it is.
Love you.
Wait, wait, wait.
For me, when you do this video, there's a part when Kelly Rowland is trying to text Nelly through an Excel spreadsheet.
And she gets mad.
I remember that.
She gets mad when she doesn't text me back.
Please keep that scene in the video.
I'm just so mad that we don't have sidekicks anymore
No
That really would have been the ultimate
To like flip
Remember the sidekicks?
Yeah get one
You got a budget
You can get a sidekick somewhere
I have to find one
Go to Connecticut
They got them still up there
Or like Hartford
They still got people
New Haven I guarantee you
New Haven they have them
They're like a good
Like 20 years behind
Outside of Yale
Yeah
And I'm bougie?
Yo
He's Indian
I'm not supposed to know
good fucking Disneyland.
That's where my girl
at Honeymoon is.
That's where I was born in Yale.
Hard work.
We're going to a hard work
on family vacation.
That's our Hogwarts
is hard work.
Oh, man.
Okay, so you release it.
Go.
Yes.
So, like I was saying before
I met you several years ago
Yes
When you were singing with Jay-Z
Yeah
For Empire State of Mind
When you know
Felicia Keys wasn't there
We're coming up on
10 years since then
Almost 10 years since then
Yeah
Almost 10 years since
The Yankees last won a
World Series
Yes I know
So just tell me a little bit
About that experience
Because I think that kind of like
First like got you to the
To the You know Outside world And like people kind of Starting to notice you Just tell me a little bit about that experience because I think that first got you to the outside world
and people starting to notice you.
It was kind of fucked, honestly.
Really?
Wow.
Because for that to be my first experience,
my first show ever as an artist was at Madison Square Garden with Jay-Z.
Oh, so you're spoiled, you think?
You came out the gate like, it's going to be like this all the time.
Right.
I went on tour. you know what I mean?
And it was a priceless experience, really incredible memories.
And I love, I mean, I love all those guys still.
But yeah, it set the bar really, really high.
So it's kind of like for that to be my first show, it's like in my ever, you know, most artists,
most artists want to get to a place where they're constantly topping everything that they're they're doing yeah never gonna top that so it was like okay well but you can
headline it yeah of course well that's I mean that's always the goal but I think in my mind
like for me to have my career to have started so backwards that way it was kind of like damn okay
well it gave me something to look forward to but also kind of like it did spoil me a little bit
was it shitty to go back to much smaller venues? No, I actually enjoy smaller venues.
I enjoyed smaller venues
more than I did bigger venues
because it's more intimate.
Well,
I mean,
yeah,
it's more intimacy
and I'm a singer too.
If I was a rapper,
maybe it'd be a little different
but being a singer,
it's like you actually get
to see people's faces,
you get to see which songs
people respond to more.
I mean,
and you know,
doing R&B music
is always about like,
it's always about
relationship shit anyway
so it's easy.
When there's women in the crowd, everybody, everyone's just like connected, everybody's vibing, everybody's shit anyway, so it's easy. When there's women in the crowd, everyone's just connected.
Everybody's vibing.
Everybody's in their feelings.
So it's a great...
Intimate crowds are definitely the move.
When you're doing a live show, you do songs from other artists as well in your set?
And that's pretty common.
Yeah.
Do those artists ever feel a way about that? Or is that completely accepted in music?
Covering another artist's song?
I think if you do it during a live show, like in a transition.
So like my band and I will transition from my song into another song and then back into,
like I have a song called In the Gray.
And the same, it's the same chords.
Like the melody is the same as Music Soulchild's Just Friends.
So it's easy for me to transition into that song and then I go back
into my song
so in a live set
it kind of feels like
we just kind of did it
on the fly
like we give
like a jam session vibe
I mean I would never
record it and put it out
that way
so most artists
don't care
they're flattered
and honored
when you pay homage
in a way that's live
and you do it well
interesting
I was always curious
about that
some artists don't
some artists take it personally
but I mean nobody's ever taken anything I've done personally some artists will be like artists don't some artists take it personally but i mean
nobody's ever taken anything i've done personally some artists will be like hey don't play my songs
well i mean i think um lma got mad at jack weiss about that yeah when like jack he's put out the
the remix for trippin yeah which did which was really dope honestly it was actually a really
dope remix um she didn't She didn't really appreciate it.
Why do you think?
I mean, for a while, it kind of did better than her version for a long time.
I mean, it brought more attention to her version.
Exactly.
She might have been a one-hit wonder if it wasn't for that, though.
She wasn't thrilled by it.
Facts.
Really?
But honestly, that's the first time I've ever seen an artist respond or react like that.
Usually, it's like, okay, well, screw it. We're all here. Let's make a remix out of it so we can get to the bag. Yeah. You know what honestly, that's the first time I've ever seen an artist respond or react like that. Usually, it's like, okay, well, screw it.
We're all here.
Let's make a remix out of it so we can get to the bag.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Ah.
But that ended up not being the case.
And what happens with remixes, like, if you remix a song and you put it out, but you're
not the official remix, is there revenue there?
I think they split it, right?
There could be, but that's why they, if it's not an official,
that was part of the argument too with Ella Mai was kind of,
she was annoyed because he was promoting the song.
He was promoting his version of the song.
And obviously he didn't pay the producer for the track.
The production budget came out of her budget.
So it was kind of like she had done her work,
done the groundwork to secure her record.
And then somebody kind of came along
and piggybacked on a song that already existed. And you could like tour on the recordswork to secure her record and then somebody kind of came along and piggybacked on a song that already existed
and turned it into a movie.
And you could like
tour on the records like that.
Yeah.
You don't even need to
make the music
technically streaming it
but you can still hit clubs
and hit anything.
Right,
because those are records
that play in the club
so it's kind of,
you know,
he was able to go,
he could go anywhere
in the club
and sing his version
of her song
and make money.
That's like, yeah, that's like that's yeah
that's a little controversial
I mean for comedians
it's almost
you could never do that
you know
that's probably why I asked
but you could never do
like you'd be out
of business
yeah
to take somebody else's sketch
yeah
hey let's go on tour together
I mean that's yeah
that's what happened
to Mencia
yeah
that's what happened
to Mencia
and then Joe Rogan
like approached him
on stage
because comics are the biggest gangsters
in entertainment. Did you know we're the biggest
gangsters in entertainment? I did not. Now I know.
We are. Okay.
We're the biggest gangsters in all of entertainment.
Used to be rappers, but they're all soft now.
They get offended by jokes.
Most people get offended by jokes.
Everybody's too sensitive now. You know who doesn't?
You know who doesn't? Comics. Because we're the biggest gangsters
in entertainment.
We're so gangster though when you think about it.
It's true, because you can really, like, yeah, you got to have thick skin to be able to make
jokes about other people that probably don't have thick skin.
Thanks.
Y'all have thick skin to even just do this show.
Yeah.
Yeah, this is a show that you got to be, that you got to have thick skin.
Yeah.
He was reading Death Threats today before he got here.
You get Death Threats today before he got here.
You get Death Threats?
All the time.
Why?
It's part of the game.
All the time?
Who makes Death Threats to you?
And you're Birkenstocks.
I'm so confused.
If they only knew.
You guys are performing the Birks.
That's what I'm saying.
One of these days.
One of these days. No, this is such a vibe.
One of these days, I'm definitely going to do it.
No, I'm getting ready for Japan, yo.
Oh, hence the, is this a silk shirt that we got going on?
I'm not sure what this is, but I feel like it's Japanese vibes.
It is.
With the Burks, it's Japanese vibes.
Nice.
You know what I mean?
You know what I mean?
What?
No, I had to clear something out of my throat.
Call it cum.
Yikes.
Oh, my God god you should probably
read some ads
I wasn't
no we will
I wasn't
I wasn't gonna tell
this story
okay
but um
I will tell it
in defense of
you know we were
talking about how
people are so offended
by jokes
and so it's very easy
I was not going to
share but I will say
recently I did a joke
about uh
Drake
okay
right
and I was saying that the reason why Kawhi Leonard went to play for the Clippers in LA
is because Drake was the one telling him to stay.
And it's like, Drake can't convince Drake to stay.
And I said, like, Drake doesn't care about Toronto.
I said, the only six he's holding down is his baby mama.
That was the joke.
Right.
Good joke.
Great fucking joke.
Yikes. You go, yikes. But I mean, it's funny. Right. Good joke. Great fucking joke. Yikes.
You go, yikes.
But I mean, it's funny.
It's not like-
It's funny.
Right?
It's not-
Absolutely, it's a funny joke.
It's whatever.
Last night,
Drake DMs me
with a laughing face,
a tear face,
and then goes,
well played.
And immediately,
I'd always thought
that Drake had a good sense of humor
and he was willing to laugh at himself.
Like you were even saying
with the Chris Brown video
and everything like that.
But in that moment,
I was like,
oh, that's why you are
10 steps ahead of everybody here.
Yeah.
Always.
You're 10 steps ahead.
Always.
How many rappers,
if I made that joke about them,
would be like,
yo, when you come to my city,
it's cool.
We've already had that.
I can't go to Somalia. If I go to Somalia, but like,
but it's like, how many,
and he understood that it was a joke.
Yeah.
Didn't get, and now, as like a comic,
I'm like, oh, he's a good guy.
He's a good sport.
He's a good sport.
I gotta like him now.
I hated Drake until 12 hours ago.
Now I can't
I wanna
that's a comic
I wanna
when you were talking
about the video
I was so ready to hate
why do you hate Drake
why did you hate Drake
until 12 hours ago
I actually
had a bit that I used to do
where I was like
I like living
vicariously through rappers
I can live vicariously
through DMX
he's robbing motherfuckers
you know what I mean
fucking everybody
smoking crack
these are all things I wish I could do but don't you know what I mean? Fucking everybody. Smoking crack. These are all things
I wish I could do,
but don't.
Smoking crack?
You know what I mean?
And I said,
Drake,
You can still smoke crack.
I could,
but it ain't worth it.
D did that for me.
D did that.
So hopefully,
I don't have to go through that.
But Drake is just like
this light-skinned dude
who's heartbroken all the time.
I can't live vicariously
through him.
I am him.
It's too relatable
it's mad relatable
it's the same motherfucker
he mirrors
hear me
he mirrors all your shit
I can't watch this
that's uh
yeah no
I completely understand
but it was interesting to see
I think
I think a lot of rappers
are trying to
at least the new
the new age rappers
are trying to not take things
so personally
I think
I think the baby
is a good example
of a new rapper
that doesn't take
anything seriously but he's still gonna knock you out he'll still knock of a new rapper that doesn't take anything seriously. But he's still going to knock you out.
He'll still knock you out,
but he's down to laugh at really funny shit.
He doesn't take himself that seriously.
But he set that bar already by knocking people out.
Right.
So it's like, you're going to get crazy about it.
We can laugh, but if you...
I mean, but yeah,
but that was like somebody that was really antagonizing him.
And the guy antagonizing wasn't doing his jokes.
He was actually doing it for real.
It's a weird thing now
that rappers kind of
have to have a sense of humor
or like they have to.
They have to.
Yo, so there's a couple,
there's a couple, right?
So like you look at
Lil Uzi Vert, right?
Right.
He's someone I've always
looked at.
Like this guy has a great
sense of humor.
He knows exactly
what he's playing into.
Right.
He knows exactly
the sensibilities
he's tickling.
Yeah.
You got, what's it called,
Tyler as well. And even- Oh, the Flex freestyle flex freestyle can we talk about that we haven't spoken about that
we haven't spoken about that oh my god did you see this no you didn't see you haven't seen this
oh yes no i did on flex yes yes yes i did
we call that white boy fun this is something that we've been doing for about 20 years.
Yeah.
Maybe a little bit longer than 20 years.
We love it.
We love it.
Good gay jokes.
But we love it.
But, you know, Tyler, he has appropriated this from us, which we're okay with.
But he has done it in such a brilliant way.
And he's playing off of the severe homophobia that a guy like Funk Flex has.
Right?
So, like, Funk Flex was so homophobic that he couldn't even entertain a hypothetical situation in a rap.
In a freestyle.
In a freestyle rap, he goes, me and Flex looking for some buff, big neck.
Looking through the index for some hot butt sex.
Something like that.
Some buff dude.
Some buff dudes for some hot butt sex. Something like that. Some buff dude. Some buff dudes for some hot butt sex.
And then Flex goes, whoa, whoa.
Rather than laugh, he could have just shrugged it off.
And that's the genius of Drake.
And Drake would have laughed at it.
You know what I mean?
You would have indexed those dudes?
Or whoever else
understands that
they would've leaned into it
and I love that
Tyler's exposing it
and I love that
Tyler's like
making
that humor cool
for a bunch of
younger kids
who probably don't
harbor the same
homophobic sentiment
right
that like
maybe their parents
or like the rappers
they might've looked up to
right
cause Tyler
had the number one album.
And his album is actually
really fantastic.
Be Khaled.
So he has the youth.
Maybe you don't hear it
on the airwaves,
but he got the youth.
Oh, 100%.
That's why he did Hot 97
for years.
Yeah.
He was so against
doing anything with Flex,
doing anything with Hot 97.
He didn't want to do anything
with any of the OGs at all.
None of that shit.
Really?
Yeah.
Why?
Because they didn't get His gay jokes son
I mean like
I don't know the exact reason
But like
He kind of seems like
A DIY type of dude
So like
He was much more like
Reaching the youth
Like kind of doing it
For himself
He wanted to do
The grassroots shit himself
I mean he really
The mind blowing
The mind blowing factor
For me was festivals
Seeing him at festivals
And watching how crazy kids go whenever he comes on stage,
it was like, okay, this kid's a star.
Even if we don't know any, I couldn't, before this album,
I could not name one Tyler, the Creator song.
I still only know that one.
I'm a fan.
I love Igor.
I gotta be a fan of him.
I love Igor.
I'm here for all of it.
I'm here for all Nigerians.
The video where he ate the fucking bugs or whatever.
I remember that
when he ate the cockroach
and then threw it up
that was nuts
I was like nope
I'm cool I'll pass
and now
it just wasn't my style
back then
but I like the shit
he's doing now
it's musical
it's cool
it's creative
I think confidence
is the new gimmick
yeah
whatever you do
just be great
whatever you do
just own your shit
like who's gonna tell you anything
like the baby
could probably make
the same fucking jokes and there's not one person in the room that's gonna square up with
him and be like nah son that was gay that was the same thing with young thug like right young thug
came out in a dress i love it he was wearing dresses around because he had a fucking his
album cover his album cover was like him in like a southern bell gown like that was nobody's gonna
yeah nobody's gonna call nobody's gonna make fun of a dude wearing a dress because underneath the dress
he would always keep
like a fucking
guns a size a little
bow wow
like that's what he would
keep underneath the dress
that's why he wore the dress
that's why he would wear it
yes
what about a trench coat
no that's very
a trench coat
definitely says serial killer
though
facts
yo and you check a dude
with a trench coat
if you're a cop
100%
but if you're a cop
and you see a black dude
in a fucking sundress on no a cop. But if you're a cop and you see a black dude with a fucking sundress on,
I'm not patting you down.
You might enjoy that
a little too much.
Yeah,
have a lovely day.
Wow.
You go right ahead,
miss.
Right.
Hey,
let's pay,
we gotta pay some bills
for a second.
Will you hang out
with us for a minute
or do you gotta run?
No,
let's pay bills.
I like my bills.
Are we paying my bills too
or just your bills?
Also,
yours,
of course.
Now guys
If you're listening to this right now
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Now we are back
to the show.
Now we're back
paying bills.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yo, so how long you in the city for?
How long we got you?
I am here for two and a half more weeks.
My EP drops on the 16th.
My single drops on Friday.
So I'm really excited about that.
It's called Lucky You.
It's kind of cool.
Can you sing some of it for us?
No, I can play it.
Yeah.
You can play it.
I feel like we had it.
I feel like we sent it to you.
I feel like we sent it to Cass. But we might get flagged if we play it. Yeah, will we get in trouble? I feel like we had it. I feel like we sent it to you. I feel like we sent it to Cass.
But we might get flagged
if we play it.
Yeah, we might get flagged
Will you get flagged?
Yeah, you know how YouTube does.
What the fuck?
That's actually
a conflict of interest
because you want people to...
Right, that's silly.
It's a weird, I guess,
glitch in the algorithm
like that.
Okay, can I ask you,
what is the music for
activity-wise? I was with a guy named paul wall
the rapper yes he said he makes he makes music for driving he's in these driving clubs and he
that's what he tries to create me too so you make me for driving yeah interest that's how i test all
my records i play them in the car so you put the album on you take a drive and if you're vibing
to it it's the right it's the right thing so you're not making a club banger so to say i don't
make anything with the intention of being the club banger i can see that that's never the goal
it's never the goal i mean for me each project has been different right so i released a full
length album last year and that was like me just like word vomit therapy put it out there
emotional shit
closure
moving on to the next chapters of life
and that was great
but that wasn't like
that wasn't like a very
purpose driven project
this project for me
it's called The Great Escape
because
it's literally every single song
I'm driving somewhere
in the
with the
with each song
when I was like
making the records
I was like okay
first song
I can imagine I'm on the West Side Highway.
Second song,
okay,
I'm on the PCH.
Okay,
third song,
I'm on a rooftop
and then we get in an Uber
and we're all drunk
hanging out at the Uber.
There's always something
that would bring it back
to a ride in a car.
Always.
Driving music.
I make music for the car.
Because,
and I think that's a smart thing
is because most people
are going to be listening
to your music in the car.
I mean,
if they have to listen maybe at the
gym as well but that's a different vibe and obviously the club but how often you go into
the club once a week tops right you drive in every day yeah plain and simple yeah or you're on the
train or you're in transit that maybe that's maybe that's a better way to make music for
people that are in transit that are always moving now there are some people that make music for lovemaking.
Okay.
And I will compliment them in this way.
What they make sure is that each song transitioning to the next isn't that stark a difference.
Yeah.
Have you noticed that too?
I don't want to hit skip.
During lovemaking, it's got a flow.
It's got a vibe.
Beginning to end. I don't want to skip anything. Because I can's got a flow it's got a vibe beginning to end
I don't want to skip anything
because I can only imagine
what it's like to last
two songs right
but for those of the people
that do
that would suck
if it was like R&B
then like metal
or whatever
it's a five song EP
you don't make it
through the five songs
no
with this project
all five songs are upbeat
they just
they all have a different vibe
but every single one of them
it makes you
it makes you want to move.
So whether you're walking around,
you could be,
one of the songs
you can be cleaning the house to,
one of the songs,
it's just about movement.
This project,
every song is about movement.
I want to listen to your music.
Well, I sent it to Edwin.
Do you have a page?
Yeah.
What's your YouTube page
or Vivo page
or whatever that is?
It's Bridget Kelly Music.
Bridget Kelly Music.
Oh, there's the single.
There it is. Is that fucked up or what? I think if we talk over it, we'll be fine. No, no, no, no, no. It's Bridget Kelly Music. Bridget Kelly Music. Oh, there's the thing. Whoa, whoa.
There it is.
Is that fucked up or what?
I think if we talk over it,
we'll be fine.
No, no, no, no, no.
We cannot risk it.
Sorry.
But what we can do
is play it off of it
because it's a direct feed.
That's a direct feed.
Gotcha.
I'm only playing it
from the speaker.
Not like through
our actual recording.
You guys choose.
No, we can't risk it.
No, no, no.
Don't risk it.
Don't risk it.
Don't risk it.
We have to scrap all episodes. No, we can totally. No, we're't risk it. No, don't risk it. Don't risk it. Don't risk it. I want to. We have to scrap a whole episode.
No, we can totally.
No, we're not even going to do that because then nobody gets bills paid.
There we go.
Facts.
Can't hold up the bag.
Should we toss them to Portis?
Absolutely.
Now, how long do we have you here for?
As long as you need me.
Okay.
All right.
Let's get into it.
Okay.
Can we?
I would like to start with one story.
Let's go for it.
Oh, do you have to go?
Oh, where do we have to go?
Do we got time?
Do we got like a half hour?
No, no, it's, well, we're going to be here for a little bit.
So if you guys got to go, this is probably the perfect time to cut.
Okay.
Yeah.
And we won't feel anyway, because we're very grateful for your time.
Well, see, I'll sit here and talk all day, but I mean.
But they're ready to go.
Just, you know.
Totally understood.
Okay. Warden and PO all day, but I mean. But they're ready to go. Just, you know. Totally understood. Okay.
Warden and P.O.
I want to say mama.
Warden and P.O. are like, time to wrap it up.
Get out of here.
All right?
We just want to pick.
Ed and can you take a pick maybe while we're all sitting down or you got one right now?
And then we're going to let them get out of here.
It's hot.
It's fucking hot.
It's super hot.
It's so hot.
I know.
It's fucking hot.
I know.
I know.
I know.
And Gia was like, maybe you should bring a sweater in case the AC is on.
I was like,
AC ain't on.
They don't pay for AC here.
It's weirdly made us
our episodes the wildest though.
Facts.
And we're taking a picture
while recording the podcast.
So I will talk.
Because.
We should talk.
All right.
What do you want to get into?
Thank you so much for coming.
We appreciate you.
Thank you for having me, guys.
Tell them where they can get you.
Tell them where they can get you.
Go, go, go.
It's at I am Bridget Kelly
literally on everything. Twitter and Instagram and. Tell them where they can get you. Tell them where they can get you. Go, go, go. It's at IamBridgetKelly literally on everything.
Twitter and Instagram and...
The letters I-M or I-AM?
I-A-M.
I-A-M.
Got it.
Bridget Kelly.
Perfect.
Bridget 1-T, no E.
Yo, go support Bridget Kelly.
Throw some assholes
under her pictures.
This is the asshole.
With the asshole army.
I love it.
We see a lot of these
in your Instagram comments
in the next couple of days.
The asshole army.
Please leave asshole army comments on my page.
Be respectful in the comments, disrespectful in the DMs, all right?
I love that.
Thank you so much, bro.
Thanks, guys.
See you guys later.
Thank you.
I got somewhere to go, but thank you.
Okay.
Thank you guys so much.
Thank you very much.
Appreciate you.
You guys are awesome.
We're going to keep rolling.
You guys are awesome.
We're going to keep rolling.
Guys, we need to talk about Jeremy Lin because it really bothered me.
It really fucking bothered me.
Jeremy Lin, for those of you guys who don't know,
had a press conference about how he can't get an offer this offseason. His rock bottom keeps getting more rock bottom, as he says.
Okay, let me just tell you why this pisses me off
for so many different fucking reasons, okay?
First of all, you're a devout Christian.
He's a devout Christian.
This is true.
While life is good and he's getting multi-million dollar paydays,
he's getting on teams, he's traveling the world, he's as representative for Chinese people.
Everything happens for a reason, guys.
Have faith.
Don't worry about it.
You got to do it and it's supposed to be good.
One year after you won a fucking world championship.
Three months.
After you've been literally injured every season for the last six years.
You've had to take time off, minimum, for the last six years.
Take some sort of time off.
You win a fucking championship, and now it's,
my rock bottom might not be able to get more rock bottom.
I wish The Rock came out in rock bottom right on that fucking press conference.
You're Chinese.
You know you have family members shitting into the ground.
Okay?
That's Rock Bottom.
Right?
Like, you've seen with your own eyes what Rock Bottom is.
To call your life, to describe it in any way as Rock Bottom, you should be slapped in your face.
You should be slapped in your fucking face.
The audacity, the arrogance to go up there and use the word rock bottom.
Heroin addicts use rock bottom for when they're sucking cocks for heroin.
That's rock bottom.
Go to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. sucking cocks for heroin. That's rock bottom.
Go to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.
They'll talk about selling their house
so they could drink alcohol.
Was there rock bottom?
Your rock bottom
is having $50 million in the bank
and you can't play basketball anymore
at 30...
Guys, I couldn't believe it.
I thought he got cancer. I swear to God. When I just saw the video and he was crying, I was like believe it. I thought he got cancer.
I swear to God.
When I just saw the video and he was crying, I was like, he must have cancer.
He must have something so horrifying.
You know whose fault it is?
It's our fault.
Why?
It's our fault.
It's Nick's fans' fault.
Why?
Because we gave him Linsanity?
We created this monster.
He's been living
and mind you, I get it
if you're an athlete, when you're at the end of the road and you know
it's over, you can be emotional. I get it. Especially
as famous as he is, I can understand that
being shitty or whatever.
Describe me as rock. That's my description.
He has been living an
NBA lifestyle over two weeks
of good basketball for the
past seven years. It was such a magical two weeks though good basketball for the past seven years.
It was such a magical two weeks, though.
It was so magical.
It was great.
It was the best thing that happened to me in my adult nickname life.
It was great.
Which is fucking terrible to think about.
It was great.
Holy shit.
If he was up there crying, Kaz, and he was saying, honestly, I'm just so grateful that
I've had the opportunity, and if I don't play in another NBA team, you know what?
It's been a hell of a ride.
It's been a hell of a ride.
I would look at you as the consummate professional.
Here's a guy who seemed to be a good teammate,
and he was a good sport everywhere he went.
And you know, he actually got a championship.
What an amazing career.
Let's write a 30 for 30 documentary.
I don't give a fuck what it is.
Go play in China.
You know you're going to become the most famous basketball player in China now.
He still is. He already is. Go play in China. You know you're going to become the most famous basketball player in China now. He still is.
He already is.
He's going to go, right?
But the fact that you said
it seems like my rock bottom,
three months after a championship.
One, really.
What?
One.
I'm sorry,
one month after a championship,
you said that your rock bottom
keeps getting more rock bottom.
I don't even know the sentence
that he said.
Rock bottom keeps getting lower, I think.
I could not.
Someone should have pushed him off that podium.
It feels like the NBA gave up on me.
They don't believe in me.
Your body gave up on you.
You can't stay healthy.
You cannot stay healthy for a season.
And even healthy Jeremy Lin, is he one of the 430 best basketball players in the world?
Good backup point guard.
Good backup point guard, yes.
Is he one of the 430 best basketball players on earth right now?
Healthy Jeremy Lin, yes.
I don't know.
Healthy?
Healthy Jeremy Lin, yeah.
He is.
He is.
100% is.
I can find a good 200 point guards right now.
But you can't find 200 point guards that are going to have the game IQ
and the teammate ship or whatever you call that.
I give you that.
You're going to find more skilled guys who can get buckets.
More skills, yeah.
But you're not going to find guys who will the entire season get up every time out,
high five everybody, really be a part of the fabric of that team,
be genuinely good guys.
And like we've always said on this show, culture guys are valuable.
Here's my thing. Let me shake the table
a little bit.
Does it all come off a little phony now
if he's
thinking this is rock bottom, knowing
he's one of the most famous
despite being average
at best.
At his peak, being average at best.
I mean, I just think it's so phony, especially with the Christian stuff that he's been pushing this whole time.
It's like, you either be about it or don't.
But don't the second you have a little bit of hardship.
You went to fucking Harvard.
I went to Harvard!
Like, you whiny little bitch.
You achieved your parents' dream and your dream.
You know how hard that is
as an Asian American
to make your parents happy
and you happy at the same time?
You check Harvard off
so you can go to fucking Thanksgiving
and then you went to play basketball.
You got everything you possibly wanted in life.
You got everything.
And you dare describe that as rock bottom.
Tens of millions of dollars.
Tens of millions.
Global fame.
If he really wants to play basketball,
he could be...
You know how big Marbury is in fucking China?
He will make Marbury look like a fucking pedestrian
if he goes there
and goes to the Chinese Basketball League
and cooks.
And he'll cook over there
he'll go over there
and average like 30
and be a mega star for them
son
I just
we need to sit down
and talk with him
it makes me
it makes me
I'm sorry to say it
kind of makes me respect
Carmelo Anthony
that much more
oh boy
we always gotta bring him back
yes it does
if we did
we don't have to
we could segue away from it.
It makes me respect the more.
I hear you.
I respect it.
Don't care.
Now, go, Akash.
Go.
Yo, have you seen the video of Ben Simmons?
No, no, no, no.
Your take on this whole.
It was just sad.
I want to defend the Asian guy.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah.
But as an Asian guy.
Oh, get out of here.
Isn't that. I think he says something? But as an Asian guy, isn't that...
I think he says something like,
guys don't give up, whatever.
But just, what are you doing, man?
What the fuck are you doing?
Have some self-awareness.
I get everybody goes through rough patches,
but like...
This is a rough patch.
Publicly.
This is a rough patch.
Well, your rough patch is what you make.
Like, if you couldn't get up at clubs anymore,
even if you were rich,
it would bother you.
But you would be a man, and he would let that bother you on the inside or cry in your house.
You know what I mean?
That's what a man does.
He cries in private.
Yes.
100%.
That's a real man.
I honestly believe.
Cry in private.
That is very true.
I honestly believe we're part of the problem.
Not just Knicks fans, just fans in general.
He's so fucking famous that a guy that isn't really that good has to have a press conference
or he's doing interviews where he's talking about potentially not being in the NBA anymore
just because he's mega fucking famous and not really that good at basketball.
I mean, he's good at basketball, but he's not like...
The fame and the skill just doesn't even out.
No, no.
Asian privilege.
It's Asian privilege.
I mean, I was fucking blown away.
It's hilarious.
Yeah, anyway.
We don't have to stay on it anymore.
Akash, what are you thinking?
What else we got?
Ben Simmons.
You saw the video.
Ben Simmons hitting jumpers.
Everybody's losing their fucking minds.
Was anybody else really unimpressed by this?
Is there an actual NBA player on this court?
There's like a one minute video on the Bleacher Report
I think page
or something like that.
How's the highlight?
This is four minutes.
But it's a video of him
hitting one three pointer
one jumper from the foul line extended
and I think a couple more layups
and everybody's like
Ben's been in the gym all summer.
How low
are the expectations for you
when this video goes viral and you are a max contract player in the NBA?
I don't get it, bro.
You just signed the max contract.
I mean, you're a max contract player and we are going crazy because you hit an open three-pointer with tons of time to get it off.
Yeah, that's the video.
In a pickup game.
Yeah, I think this is the video.
This is the video, yeah.
No, completely uncontested.
And it still looks awful, his form.
His elbow is
way out. The elbow's way out, but also the hand
is like sideways. He looks like a Q-dog, bro.
That's how he shoots.
When I first
saw this, I didn't know if there were other NBA players. Devin Booker's
in there. But they ain't playing no
D, son. Austin Rivers is in there. I mean, this is a very
casual game. Yeah.
Nobody seems to be trying that hard. Devin Booker
playing defense already. He barely tries in real
games. Yeah. And he's 6'4".
Yeah. Ben Simmons got a whole
foot over him. I mean, come on. Oh,
get crossed up. That was decent. That's his game,
though. That's his game. He can do that all day.
Well, then he could bounce out of the playoffs
in the second round all day, too.
Because if you cannot shoot, you cannot win.
It's as simple as that.
I mean, if you're a point guard and you can't shoot, you're not going to win.
Yeah, yeah.
If he had somebody film all these – is it one game?
I'm pretty sure it's multiple games.
Did he have somebody film them just so he could put this clip out and shut Andrew up?
Oh, I bet 100%.
100%.
Maybe not to shut me, but –
Contavious Caldwell Pope.
That's a lot of a name, isn't it?
That's a fucking lot of a name.
I don't need to say that.
It still looks weird.
Like, why does his arm bend like that?
I'm telling you, if you look at his palm, it's not going like this.
It's like sideways.
It's like an anatomy problem.
I truly think it's a physical, structural issue.
And, yo, when you get that big, shit gets weird.
It's very rare.
I saw you had Aaron Gordon on Kazim Vick, right?
Now, Aaron Gordon is a physical anomaly in that he is wildly proportionate for how big he is.
If you saw him at distance, you would not think that he's 6'10".
You would think he's 6'1".
You'd think he's 6'1".
You'd think he's 6'1".
Blake Griffin is another one of those.
You see Blake at distance, and you think he's actually a regular-sized guy, but he's 6'10".
And, oh, real quick, shout-out to Blake.
I was up at this festival in Montreal.
Saw that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Blake was there.
Another guy with a great sense of humor.
Yo, very good sense of humor, and he did the roast. And he roasted Pete Holmes.
Oh, really?
He tied Pete Holmes, which is a massive loss for Pete Holmes.
Because if they were playing basketball.
And he tied him.
And Pete Holmes tied Blake.
That's a loss for Blake.
That's a horrible loss for Blake.
The fact that they tied.
Now, obviously, with roasts, everybody's helping out.
We had a good joke for him.
What was the joke?
You gave it to him?
I mean, everybody's helping everybody out with the roasts.
But it was me, Neil, and Big J were working on it.
They say in Hollywood that Pete Holmes has what's called the it factor.
And by it, I mean he is the energy of a pedophile birthday clown.
Then the tag is that lives in the sewer with the ratings of his shows.
Who had that last line, Jay?
Oh, you?
Nice, nice.
I was talking with Van
with him
when I was doing
the Peace Jam shit
and Blake Griffin
was there with his team
whatever
and he was like
I legitimately
I've seen him do
stand ups
I legitimately think
he has a career in this
if he doesn't want to
play basketball anymore
as far as doing
movies, acting, comedy
whatever
he had great timing
with it
I forgot what
late show he was on.
Oh, about how reporters ask you,
what was it again?
Oh, he was talking about how reporters
ask you dumb questions.
Yeah, it's like jocks aren't dumb,
it's just that you're asking them questions
when there's not a lot of oxygen
going into their brain.
So he was like,
do a couple jumping jacks.
And then he asked him a question,
he's like,
yeah, so what are you about to say?
And he's like, yeah,
see how stupid that is or whatever.
So it was good, it was funny. Now he's got his head on his shoulders too. He's like, I understand I'm famous you about to say? He's like, yeah, see how stupid that is or whatever. It was good. It was funny.
Now, he's got his head on his shoulders, too.
He's like, I understand I'm famous, but I don't want to bump anybody.
That's why I often will host shows and have comics on the show.
This way, they're getting spots that they wouldn't normally get, and I get to go up and do it.
I thanked him because when I did that film, that Winnie Cummings film,
there was a line in the film
which,
you know,
we were wrestling
and I say to him,
you know,
the only team that wants you
is your legal team,
right?
And it wasn't a line
that was very funny
and the week before
the movie came out,
he got traded
to the Detroit Pistons.
And so I was like,
so,
thank you for making
that line work.
Really slapped. I see that. to the Detroit Pistons. And so I was like, so thank you for making that line work.
Really slapped.
That trade was good for him, I think.
It seems like.
I think it was.
I think it was.
Like his game,
all of a sudden
he's hitting threes.
Yeah.
He's a different player.
Yep.
Out of the headlines.
And he gets a focus.
Yeah, I think
that's what I mean.
I think getting out of LA
is good for him.
Yes.
100%.
I wonder if that's going
to have an adverse impact on some of these free agents.
I don't think it will impact LeBron or Kawhi because Kawhi's a fucking robot.
Yeah.
But like a lot of these guys, you're going from-
Paul George.
Going from Oklahoma and Indianapolis where there's not much cracking off at best to L.A.
Home.
You think it doesn't help that Kawhi and Paul George are like both sort of LA guys
I think for Kawhi
he doesn't care about
anything that's going on
around him
gotcha
but Paul is from there
that could help
Kawhi could watch
game film in an orgy
I'm convinced
he would just sit in the middle
and just watch
a fucking iPad
the highlights
I wonder if
and Paul George
this probably won't happen
because he's from LA
he's probably used to it
but I wonder if there's anything that happens where you're used to being the man in a whole state.
Right?
Yeah.
And then you go to LA where people don't really care.
There's more famous people than you.
Like if you have a reservation at a club or some shit and then Jack Nicholson comes, you get bumped, Paul George.
Right?
And I wonder if that takes any emotional toll on these guys who are like,
oh, I'm not that famous here.
Yeah.
I wonder if they lose confidence.
You think it helps?
I think it helps.
Interesting.
Why?
I think it helps because I think they're so used to that everywhere else
that I think that's why a lot of those stars gravitate to those big markets because they can almost feel normal around a lot of unnormal shit.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, if you're a huge star in fucking Indiana, you can't go to the grocery store.
You can't do regular shit.
But, like, you know, if you're in LA, you've been to Hollywood a bunch of times.
Like, you'll see famous people all the time.
I specifically meant parties.
Like, there's so many.
Like, Blake was fucking Kendall Jenner or something, wasn't he?
Yeah.
And now he's in Detroit, and who's he fucking there?
Nobody.
You'd rather fuck the dudes than some of those guys.
Or Ford Muffler or something.
Royce the Five-Nine.
T-Grizzly.
And now he seems like he's just focused.
I remember J.R. Smith said the same thing about getting out of New York.
It was good for him to go to Cleveland.
So I wonder if some of these guys, I don't think AD is going to have that problem because he was already in New Orleans in this while.
But party-wise, I think being back home might make it like I could do anything.
I could go back home and do the home shit with the homies or I can go do the L.A. Hollywood shit.
It's all here.
And I'm not sure he will be, but it could be a thing down the road as all these guys go to new york and la yeah i got it would love if they actually
fucking came to new york no they're going to new york just a different borough i don't mind it i
don't mind you think it'll affect kairi the same way since that's kind of like new jersey i'm
curious to know how kairi is going to do also because kairi this is his first time getting
the spotlight he always wanted yeah like he Like, he got the spotlight in Boston.
But Boston media, Andrew always talks about, is, like, kind of always favoring the team.
And it's not New York media.
New York is the world's media capital, it seems.
Yeah.
So, like, he's here.
It's the first time, like, he chose somewhere to go.
Yeah.
So, like, the pressure's all on you.
Yo.
Especially being back home.
Like, he still, every summer he still goes back to the Patrick school and, you know,
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But I don't know if that's going to mount up for him now that he's there all the time.
It's possible.
It's going to be interesting to see.
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Speaking of the Clippers, Kawhi's uncle is in a little hot water.
This happened last weekend.
We need to talk about it.
Yeah, what's going on there?
Stephen A. Smith said the Lakers were suspicious of activity. Kawhi's uncle is in a little hot water. This happened last weekend. We need to talk about it. Yeah, what's going on there?
Stephen A. Smith said the Lakers were suspicious of activity.
I don't know if he said the Lakers were the main team snitching, basically,
but they're a little suspicious of the things Kawhi's uncle was allegedly asking for.
So specifically, I think he was mentioning a story Brian Windhorst wrote,
and Brian Windhorst is like the LeBron whisperer,
so they're all saying, like, okay, the Lakers are are pretty much saying like, there was some shady shit that happened.
Yo, the Lakers are the biggest fucking snitches in the NBA, bro.
Real talk.
If their story comes out, it's the Lakers.
Of course.
They are some sore losing ass bitches.
Real talk.
That's exactly what's happened.
But what exactly were they saying?
They're just saying he was asking for things that probably
weren't legal in the CBA.
So you know what's interesting with that?
Is that
this is proof that the players are getting paid
less than what they deserve.
Sorry, less than what they're worth.
Bingo. Right?
And again, guys, we know that playing
sports and making $40 million is stupid.
That being said, the market actually shows that they're worth more than that.
Right.
So what happens is when you're underpaid, there are ways that I imagine people could be paid around that.
Right.
Potentially.
That's probably what they're bitching about.
And the easy way to get rid of this is just to go no salary cap.
But... Then the owners stop making money.
And they don't want to stop making money.
And not only do the owners stop making money,
because the owners might find a way to make money,
but you will have a completely unfair league.
Oh, yeah.
There'll be no way to compete.
All the best players will be in like six teams.
That's it.
And that'll be it.
The owners that can pay.
Well, this year is pretty wide open.
But before that, wasn't that kind of the complaint?
Well, that's-
That's happening anyway.
That's the interesting thing, right?
It's like if the best players are already going to these markets, and we don't got to
feel bad for billionaires.
Dude, if you own a basketball team, you're a billionaire.
You have enough money to pay more.
That's not your main source of income.
This is a side job.
I don't think-
I don't feel bad for the owners and say they lose money.
I'm saying the owners
aren't going to allow
themselves to lose money.
So salary cap.
I see.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
I think there are some owners
that would go,
we could make more money
if we just paid everybody
to be on our team.
Yeah.
But I hear what you're saying.
Yeah, yeah.
So that's actually
the second point
I wanted to get to.
I saw an article
about the Clippers
building a new arena.
Yes.
And that to me confirms that kawaii's
uncle was asking for some shit or that if he was i say if he was asking for some fit steve bomber
paid it happily because if you're building a new arena that's going to cost hundreds of millions
of dollars you don't just have money to burn i have to sell people on the idea that we deserve
not only a new arena, but a separate arena.
And it's privately funded too.
So he's not taking money from.
Yeah.
That's why this is interesting where like in most cases,
privately funded.
Yeah.
So in most cases,
I would a hundred percent agree with you.
This is a little bit unique.
It's privately funded and it's on already state owned property.
So in other words, they're not like taking people's houses away like Jay-Z did to all his people in Brooklyn.
You know, his lovely Brooklyn people.
Well, he didn't do that.
He also, you have to keep in mind, he also drove up the property value around the arena so that everyone around it had to move out too.
Ah, yes, yes, yes.
He took care of...
New York.
He took care of Brooklyn.
Concrete jumble where you'll move out of when we gentrify it.
So, is this arena supposed to be near the old Great Western Forum, right?
Near Inglewood?
Yeah.
Okay.
It's in Inglewood.
So, already stayed on land, so you're not moving anybody out, and self-funded, so the
taxpayers aren't going to be tripping up.
Okay.
Now, we'll see if it happens, but I 100% get your point, which was
nobody would agree to that if they
didn't have marquee players, but now
that he has marquee players, maybe he's able
to get this funding from these people. He's trying
to make a move to take the Lakers' spot, and if you
get these two, that's...
It's possible. They're everybody's
favorites. If you want to talk about little
shit that could be a little shady
happening,
three days after he signed,
Kawhi's in a commercial
for the Lion King.
True.
That's Disney.
Three days after he signed.
That's crazy, dude.
Is it a commercial?
I don't know.
It's just that location, dude.
Listen, Kawhi can't act.
He can't even act like a human
on the basketball court.
He didn't have to.
He was just talking about it, man.
You know, my family.
You mean like reading Beyonce's lines in the movie?
I love that.
Goddamn.
But no, I mean like just the location.
If you're trying to like take a spot from the Lakers,
like once you fly into LAX,
the first thing you see is the Great Western Forum.
And you see like the infrastructure Of like that new stadium
And all that other shit
So if like
As soon as you get off LAX
And the first thing you see
Is like bam
The new home of the Clippers
Like
It's a drive to get to Staples Center
Ain't no mad convenient
From the airport
I'll tell you that
That's like
That's a five minute drive
As soon as you get off the airport
Dog so
But getting to the airport
Sucks
It does
It does
But
For LA
Downtown LA sucks too, don't it?
Oh, does it?
I'm pretty sure
I mean, I never had an easy time getting there
Probably, yeah
Maybe it's the same amount of traffic
Yeah, definitely
It is interesting
Look, it is interesting
Very interessante
Yeah, I think more will end up coming out here
Yeah, more will end up coming out here
What else we got?
I don't know if you want to talk about Steve Kerr's comments
On the AD trade being bad
for the league.
Yeah, what did he say about that?
He basically, I mean, he took a stance that wasn't the hardest.
He was like, look, I am for player empowerment, which you have to say as a coach, but then
he was also like, I have no problem with a guy like LeBron playing out his contract and
then leaving, or a guy like Kawhi playing out his contract and then leaving, but I have
a problem when the guys like Anthony Davis have two years left on their contract
and then start demanding a trade, and then you just hold your team hostage.
Which, if it was football, all these training camp holdouts that we could talk about later,
I get it, especially like running backs.
You've got to get your money.
But in basketball, the contracts are guaranteed.
So it's a little bit different in that it's not about money.
It's just you don't like where you work, and now you're going to make a thing about it.
Yeah.
Interesting.
It's kind of weird coming from him, though, because Steve Kerr always seems like the cool guy.
He's the cool guy, so he still took the cool guy stance.
If you're a free agent, you don't owe your team anything.
Yeah.
So he still played that kind of, like, half nice guy thing.
But then he was like If you're under contract
And I do see a little bit of a point
And maybe there's something huge I'm missing
But if the contract is guaranteed
I can see how it's like
Yo man
Honor your contract
But part of that contract though
100%
Part of that contract though
Is like
If I'm going to do my best
To you know
Go out there and play as hard
You as the GM or the owner
You gotta do your best to make
sure that you're putting out a winning
product or you're doing the best you can.
That's not part of their contract.
All they have to do is pay you the money that you owe.
When you get paid by,
let's say you have a job
working for
WWE, it's not
their job to fill the stands.
If they want to have nobody there,
they'll have nobody there.
As long as you're writing
or you're doing exactly what you're doing,
they're going to pay you for that.
Okay.
But if I'm talent,
if I'm the guy who's supposed to be the marquee there,
like, you better be doing your best to,
because it's in your best interest.
Yeah, of course.
But it's not, like, the legal right.
And I guess I think what Akash was saying is we made an agreement.
It's like, fam, I paid you for five years of work, and I paid you an exorbitant amount of money, and you're going to not do the work?
And I want to say, if we were actors, we're not going to be because we've said too much shit on this podcast.
But if we were actors in a movie and we didn't like something about the movie they would be like
alright well you signed
a contract
or a TV show
if you want to leave
the TV show
nah you signed
a four year contract
you're here for four years
100%
if you try to leave
we'll sue you
and theoretically
it's like
if LeBron tried to leave
you could sue him
in a different industry
dude Tony Soprano
signed a contract
that said he had to
maintain a certain weight
to play Tony Soprano
wow
and then he died of a heart attack.
Whoops.
They want their pound of flesh, bro.
If you sign on a dotted line, that is everything.
Oh, my gosh.
And we can say, and I know actors who are on shows,
and I hate the fucking show,
but you signed a five-year contract when you got it or whatever,
and they got the options.
That's what it is.
Now, if there was a winning clause in the contract
where it's like you need to surround me with X number of all-stars,
all right, cool, that's in the contract, but it's not.
That's interesting, too.
That's interesting about putting that in a contract,
which is like now with tanking being so prevalent,
I wonder if you have these big marquee players start to go,
start to have a no tanking clause.
I mean, it's almost like an unwritten rule.
No trade clause, no tanking clause.
And how do you prove it?
I don't know.
How does that work?
But if I'm investing the next four years contractually of my life to you,
I want to make sure that you're just as committed to winning as me
or let me go somewhere else.
And if it's not in the contract, realistically, you should just,
legally, you're like, you should just sit there and you sign the contract.
In the same way that NFL contracts should be guaranteed
it's bullshit that an owner can be like
oh you're not good so we're going to cut you and
whatever money you got up front is yours but that's it.
You sign the contract.
Just because there's no competition?
Because the players union sucks.
First made up of NFL IQs
that have just been CTE'd to nothing.
Yep.
You have guys that get concussions for a living.
Yeah, sure.
Sign here, A-Rod, whatever the fuck your name is.
Hey, goddamn.
Signs a different name.
You got seven working brains out.
Guys, we have seven Barry Bonds here.
It's not even the right sport.
I don't understand why you're signing players from other sports.
Yeah, baseball got the strongest union, then basketball, then football's the weakest.
And the last almost holdout that they had
or lockout or whatever,
they basically were like,
okay, well, you can keep all the money, but just
shorten our practice times and stuff like that.
And the owners were like,
yeah, sure, we keep all the money, you practice
I don't give a fuck. And now
there's a theory that players
are getting injured more because there's less practice.
They're not practicing enough.
So, like, I don't know if that's been scientifically proven.
That's what one study thinks.
But, like, you fucked yourselves harder.
Like, how did you lose getting less work?
You still lost.
This fucking sucks, dog.
Like, I watch them shit.
I know they watch probably all this entire NBA offseason and be like, yo, how the fuck?
How the fuck?
Like, I think Russell Wilson's, what, the highest paid? How the fuck? I think Russell Wilson's what?
The highest paid quarterback in the NFL?
Yeah, $35 million a year.
$35 million.
$35 million.
That's Aaron Gordon money, bro.
That's so true, dude.
If somebody gives that to Chris Paul tomorrow, he's going to tell you, go fuck yourself.
That's insane to me that you could be the top of the most violent sports in the world.
And I want to say it's just economics because there's 12 players on a basketball team and 50 on a football team.
But also football makes way more money.
Way more.
So I can't even say that.
Every NFL team is worth at least a billion dollars.
At least.
As much as it would suck as a fan of a team if the contracts are guaranteed because there's so many season career ending injuries
it's like bro
that's the least
they could get
now
is
is there some
you know
conventional wisdom
that says
you get paid
what you're worth
and NFL players
unfortunately
are worth less
to a team
than an NBA player
in the sense that
one player
can't affect a team
outside of quarterback
no one player can impact as much as LeBron or whoever.
Yeah, that's potentially valid.
I also just think guaranteeing the contract is like they have to in 2020 when the contract is up.
I think they have to hold out.
But they're not going to.
They've been telling the players, stack your checks.
Get ready for a holdout.
Players aren't going to stack their checks.
They're going to try to hold out.
Players are going to be like, yo, I need to eat.
I'm broke.
So what do you think about the whole Zeke shit?
I don't think Zeke is worth the trouble.
I think he's just always a distraction. As a fan
of the Cowboys, I'm like, there's always some shit going on with him.
It's always something. I don't
want to pay him. Also, kind of
if you're running a team, running backs
are pretty easily replaceable.
So I think I'm inclined to let Zeke go,
but mainly it's a distraction thing.
But I don't fault Zeke at all
for holding out.
Right.
100% you should hold out.
I just wouldn't pay it
if I was the Cowboys,
if that makes sense.
Yeah, I mean,
the one thing about GMs
being able to cut your pay
is that if you outperform
your contract too,
you want to be like,
hey, I want more money.
That's what you should do.
If you're going to make this
a non-guaranteed contract,
I'm not guaranteeing I'm coming.
Ooh, fuck you. I like that.
Yeah, that's got to be the cost on their end.
And now what they also gave up in the labor agreement
is every day of training camp you miss is a $40,000 fine.
And I think training camp is like three weeks, I think.
They gave that up?
Gave that up.
God damn.
Wow.
Do you think NFL players are the stupidest athletes?
Man.
They've got to be the stupidest, right?
Probably. Probably. because they're also,
if you watch the broke documentary on the
30 for 30, two-thirds of NFL
players, I think, are broke after five years, and it's like
half of, or like one-third of NBA players.
Whatever, it's the biggest percentage of the NFL. I know that.
NFL is not for long, man.
And a lot of motherfuckers do not save their money.
And that's what happens.
That's what happens. Career not for long, money
not for long,s not for long
It's sad bro
Like fucking
One of my good
You know Karen Sybil
One of my good friends
She fucking
She bought
She bought a Washington Redskins
Super Bowl ring
Off an auction
For like
$800
Like something like
Not even that crazy
And I'm just like
God damn
Somebody's Super Bowl ring
They needed $800
That bad
To be like yo old players got paid
nothing and went through hell like there was no trying to protect them and they got paid jack
shit they're all burdened every one of them would sell their their super bowl ring for
fuck a couple of white castle sliders
i was always telling motherfuckers man people always think like rings mean everything. I'm like, bro, like rings ain't going to keep your house lights on like 10, 20 years down the road.
Like, yeah, I feel bad for Melo, but I think he'll sleep well at night.
I know that he got like well over $300 million.
Oh, he'll be fine.
He'll be fine.
But a lot of motherfuckers in the NFL are not.
Right.
While we're talking about broke, Adrian Peterson broke.
Y'all read this?
This is crazy.
You sent me this.
Wait, did you send me? Yeah, I sent it to you this This is crazy You sent me this Wait did you send me
Yeah I sent it to see
This is crazy
Made a hundred million dollars
In his career
So just so everybody
Doesn't know
Adrian Peterson
Is arguably the best
Running back of our generation
Yeah I think
He's definitely
To me
Our generation yes
I don't think it's disputable
He played for many years
On the Minnesota Vikings
And now he's kind of
Bounced around the league
He was with the Saints
Had a good season
With the Skins right now He was on the Skins Yeah good he's kind of bounced around the league. He was with the Saints for a little bit.
He was on the Skins.
Yeah, good season
with the Skins last year.
In his career,
he's made how much?
Over $100 million.
In just contracts.
We're not even talking
about other shit.
Yeah.
What happened?
Broke.
Cannot pay back
a $5 million loan.
In debt.
In debt.
He's negative.
Cannot pay back his loans five
million dollars i forget from whom he got the loan he said i trusted the wrong people and again i
talk about it on this podcast none of us are above it we're not immune it could happen to any of us
we get taken get a jew a good jew dog if you are adrian peterson go to goldman sachs don't try to
save money go to the fucking and they could fall too
but it's in much safer hands
than some motherfucker
you know
yeah
go to the Jews
Goldman
and whatever
Sachs is
it's just so
if you have millions
of dollars
that's who you go to
and if you don't have
millions of dollars
learn money
because everybody
will try to take
that shit from you
it's fucked up
because I think
right after that news broke,
they showed footage of his birthday party and he had lions and shit.
He came in on a camel.
Coming on a camel, all this super extravagant shit.
I'm just like, oh my God.
You need a motherfucker at Goldman Sachs and they'll do it for you to say,
hey, here's your allowance.
This is what you're allowed to spend at your birthday party.
I have access to this.
You don't.
And not me specifically, Goldman.
That's it.
You trust us.
Go to a name brand motherfucker.
Michael Vick did that.
Michael Vick.
And Michael Vick, so a lot of these guys will file for bankruptcy just so they don't have
to pay back the loans.
Michael Vick, after everything happened, said, I'm not going to file for bankruptcy.
I'm going to pay back everybody I owe.
And he's paid back everybody.
Isn't that crazy?
And now he's made more since then, right?
Yeah, he got a big contract with the Skins.
With the Eagles.
Now he's on Fox, doing NFL on Fox
every weekend.
For some reason, I root so hard
for... Love Michael Vick.
No, not Michael Vick. For athletes who have lost their money
to come back and make it again.
Of course. And he is...
And I shouldn't because what fucking idiots can lose millions of dollars and then I want you and make it again. Of course. And he is, and I shouldn't because what fucking idiots
to lose millions of dollars
and then I want you to make millions again to do it.
But the fact that he was on an allowance,
I think it was like a $6,000 a month or some shit like that.
I forget.
I mean, all his teammates are multi-millionaires.
That means he's going out to dinner with them
and not, or even not going out to dinner.
Like he just couldn't afford it.
He fucking slowly crawled his way back in
and now he's probably a millionaire again.
But when we say that,
when we say like find a Jew,
what we're really saying is
there is this thing called business managers.
And if any of you guys don't have money,
you don't know what that is.
And those of you who do, you do.
But if you get money,
you can just hire a business manager they
i have a business manager they pay my bills right and don't go to some shady ass save you percentages
oh they take five percent i'll take three don't if you're super rich fuck the two percent go to
the most trustworthy name brand people and shit could still go wrong but the chances are much
lower because their whole business is on the line You need somebody losing something to be able to hurt them as well.
Like, if you fuck me over, Eddie Murphy's leaving you.
Right?
Like, you got to look at their clientele list.
Like, oh, these people are with?
Okay.
Because I'll say, if you fuck me over, they're gone.
And you could get made off.
That's possible.
But like, go to the name.
You're not going to get made off from your business manager. You're going to get made off as an investment. like go to the name just go you're not gonna get made off from your business manager you're gonna get made up as an investment right like okay business manager is
just hey i make money when you make money okay got you right you still got all your money i'm
just gonna be the one that's paying your bills and letting you know yo you're spending a lot
yeah that's that whether i was talking to josh uh from the middle the minimalist is a minimalist
podcast is a great podcast
you guys should check out
and he was saying that
he knows a bunch of like
cool money saving techniques
and lifestyle techniques
because I'm serious about this
10% shit
right
so maybe we'll have him
or maybe we'll have some other
like economists on
that we can figure out
little ways in our life
we can cut shit off
and make a little money
make a little money
for everybody on the pod
it would be beautiful do it we'll get it organized but i promise you it is going
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And we're back to the show.
Bronny's kids.
Yo, we should definitely talk.
We should talk about that.
You said LeBron's kids?
LeBron's kids, yes.
Okay.
Well, kid.
We're talking about Bronny.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What are you saying?
What are you saying, Cass?
I mean, you know what I'm going to say.
You are a resident high school basketball expert.
Yes. So they had a tournament high school basketball expert. Yes.
So they had a tournament this past weekend in Las Vegas.
I forgot the actual name of the tournament, but Braun Stratford Greatness team was there.
And it wasn't a live period, so there wasn't actual recruiting going on.
But it was this tournament where the top almost high school players go to.
And they won the tournament.
And LeBron's getting a lot of flack for, you know,
doing what he usually does when he goes to LeBron's games and being in the layup line, doing dunks with the kids, getting too excited,
like all this other shit.
And people are thinking, like, he's taking attention away from the kids
and, like, all this other bullshit.
It's so absurd.
These people are so fucking absurd.
Are you fucking kidding me, dog?
Are you kidding me?
Like, you don't think these kids
aren't fucking ecstatic
that the best player on planet Earth
is on the sidelines rooting for these motherfuckers?
Like, come on.
What was that defense?
I think that was the end of the game.
I think they were, like, running the clock out,
and he just said, fuck it. That was terrible defense? I think that was the end of the game. I think they were running the clock out, and he just said, fuck it.
That was a terrible defense, though.
Yeah, they said he was showing up as a kid and doing too much.
I obviously can't agree because they're dead.
He's dad of the year.
I would kill if my dad was there rooting for me.
Skip Bayless, your dad didn't show up to your basketball games.
That's why you're –
Stop being a little bitch about it, right?
Like, you're crying because your dad wasn't there for you, Skip.
Okay?
We understand what this is happening.
He wasn't going to come watch it.
Why would he?
Why would he watch you score one point a game?
You guys could both sit at home on a couch, right?
That's going to be the same activity.
That's what you're upset about.
You could tell him what happened when he got home.
Fam, exactly.
What, did you score nothing again?
I'm glad I saved some time.
Stay at home, watch Roseanne, so I didn't have to waste my fucking time watching you.
You can't have both of us sitting on a bench watching the game.
Yeah, exactly.
Get out of here.
That's why I go so hard for LeVar Ball.
I go hard for LeBron, especially Dad Bron.
I'm never, ever going to fucking fault somebody for being too involved in their kid's life.
Are you kidding me?
Who does his son...
Can we watch that video again?
Who does his son look at as soon as he dunks?
His dad.
Isn't that the first person?
And don't they just flex together?
Yeah.
Like it's a thing they got? Come on, man. Dude, it's great. I love it. There's dead. Isn't that the first person? And don't they just flex together like it's a thing they got?
Dude, it's great. I love it.
These people that hate on this, I mean, it's a
different type of... I'm usually entertained
by Skip. I do not understand this
from the dotted, too.
I do not understand this hate.
He starts high school this fall. So he's a
middle school... He's a rising
high school. He'll be a freshman this year.
I mean, that's absurd. But yeah, I mean be a freshman this year I mean that's absurd
but yeah
I mean it's just
I mean like Skip
come on
there's way better takes
that you can have
this is just
I kinda
I kinda
applaud Skip
at this point
cause
he's been committed
to trolling LeBron
since
his rookie year
cause it still works
cause it still works
he's made a career out of it
he's made a career out of it we're talking talking about it. He's made a career out of it.
We're talking about it.
It's like, fuck.
He's still doing this shit.
He had two hit talk shows
where the basis is just him
talking to LeBron James,
talking about LeBron James.
100%.
I think LeBron should do a show one day.
I think after he retires,
he should do a co-sell
Muhammad Ali type thing
where they finally just sit down
and just talk.
Nah, LeBron's too smart for that.
He would never empower that.
It would have to be on one of LeBron's platforms.
Oh, it could be on LeBron.
Yeah, you come on my shit, but he can't go on his.
I mean, look, we would all love it.
Skip would do it in a heartbeat.
It would be a win for Skip too.
Hold on, I need to use the bathroom real quick.
We'll be right back. Keep going.
Nah, it would be a super win for Skip. Hold on, I need to use the bathroom real quick. We'll be right back. Keep going, keep going.
No, it would be a super win for Skip.
But I just think at this point,
that's the only kind of comparison I could give it to.
Like Muhammad Ali, Howard Cosell,
how they're just so tied to each other through good times and bad times.
I don't know, I'm a Skip hater.
You give Skip a lot of credit
to call him Howard Cosell
and to say they're tied together
I have never once
thought about LeBron and then Skip
I thought about Skip and then LeBron
I never once thought about
remember LeBron on the heat and what Skip was saying about him
wasn't that crazy
you gotta give it to Skip though
cause it's like for what he does,
there's only a handful
of people that have been
more successful than him.
You know,
Skip,
decades ago on the ticket
that Station always listened to
when it started,
he was the first guy,
he was like a host
on the ticket.
Really?
Yeah,
none of the guys,
he had a horrible
relationship with all of them.
He like,
was humorless,
whatever,
and then he obviously
went on and now
he's this troll
that's like made
million dollars.
I mean,
I remember him because he used to write like all the big Jordan articles.
Well,
here's what's funny is,
and I mean,
there's who these guys are to a large degree.
Stephen A.
Smith does it hating the Cowboys.
Skip loves the Cowboys.
Now,
when he worked in Dallas,
he hated the Cowboys.
Never had a good thing to say.
Always trashing them.
And so I look at these guys like you're not a human being.
You're just a robot.
That's trying to upset me.
And I'm not going to give you the attention to let you do that yeah no i remember reading so i forgot where
i read it so forgive me for that but i remember him reading like he doesn't even check his mentions
on twitter he just checks the analytics so yeah if something spikes yeah that's that's the way
he's going to go he's a robot i don't even know if he likes sports i really don't i think he's going to go. He's a robot. I don't even know if he likes sports. I really don't.
I think he's just like,
what can I say
that will upset sports fans?
How can I antagonize?
These are people I can upset
without worrying
they're going to kill me.
It's not like XXX.
You know what I mean?
I can make jokes about LeBron
and LeBron fans
aren't going to come
try to murder me.
I'm not talking about X.
I'm talking about his fans.
It's like,
rap fans are going to try to kill you.
Skip got a brawl though.
You ain't going to run up on Skip.
Skip got brawling.
I don't think he was always this brawling.
I don't think so.
I seen him recently.
I'm like, yo, Skip really good.
He's trying to let motherfuckers know he's brawling.
You seen that commercial with him and Shannon?
Yes, yes.
Like who gets their day done first?
Doing the same thing.
Make sure you see him lifting weights.
But yeah, he's a weird dude who I don't honestly even know if he likes sports.
I just think he knows this is a good way, easy way to make money.
You know, it's also crazy.
His brother is like A world class chef
No shit
In Chicago
No shit
He has a restaurant
I forget what it's called
My homie Brian
We met Brian
He went there
He said it was fantastic
And Brian's a professional chef
And he was like
Skip
Skip Bales' brother
Great food
I kinda wanna go there
It's weird because
Food is like this
Passionate thing
That you gotta love for
And Skip is A fucking Mutant of a human being who doesn't think anything except let me look my analytics on Twitter.
He's made millions of dollars.
He's made a career out of antagonizing.
That's why I don't want to give it the credit of like, fuck Skip.
I'm like, I see what he's doing.
Yeah.
I mean, I get the game.
I know what he's doing.
Like, I ain't going to be pissed at that.
But just like, at this point, I more commend the commitment that he has to that role.
Oh, he's a disciplined motherfucker.
It's insane to me.
Insane to me.
Well, guys, this has been going pretty long.
This has been a long-ass episode.
What's it called?
I want to close. First of all, I know that we got some dates.
Akash got a tour coming up.
Kaz, I'm sure you got
something. I can always tell you guys
about some things. Do you want me
to start? Go for it, bro. Okay, guys.
Matador tour
in full effect.
Make sure you come check us out.
I'm going to Japan next week and we're situating
things for the podcast so don't worry we're gonna have some good content for you but um i'll be in
japan next week and then the week after that i'm gonna be in the dc at the dc improv the 15th through
the 18th i'll be at dc improv and then uh august 23rd i'm'm going to be at Chicago.
And the DC shows, three of the six are already sold out,
so go get those tickets immediately before you miss out.
And then the Chicago show, first show sold out, second show we added.
So those are going to be going quick too, so I will get on that immediately.
Akash?
The big DC Energy Tour, the BDE Tour is starting September 6th.
We're at the Secret Group at 8 p.m. September 7th. We're at the Secret Group at 8 p.m.
September 7th, we're at the Fallout Theater at 7 p.m.
We're back there at 8.30 p.m. on September 8th.
September 13th, we got two shows in San Francisco at Piano Fight, 8 and 10.30.
September 19th, we're at the Comedy Store in the Belly Room, 8 p.m.
I know 40 people already bought takes of that, so that's dope.
Yes, sir.
September 20th, Portland Curious Comedy, 7.30 p.m.
And then October 11th, Sisyphus Brewing, two shows, 8 and 10.30.
October 11th.
Nice.
August 18th, we're back in Brooklyn for one day only,
combining with the good folks at Brunch Bounce,
doing one last party to end off the summer.
You can get tickets on doucetpalooza.com.
That's August 18th
at the Brooklyn Mirage.
This week,
you can go check out my interview
with Aaron Gordon
of the Orlando Magic
on slam.com.
We also have another interview
coming up with Ronnie 2K
from 2K Sports
if you guys are into that.
And this weekend,
I want to say,
the second season of
Casting Effect
kicks off on Revolt TV.
Shout out to the boy, Edding tv we got that going so shout out
to the boy edin for you know producing directing all that type of stuff so and uh yeah so keep
supporting all the platforms and uh all that good shit so um before we end i want to do a
i want to tell you guys a cool story that um some of you probably know quite well but it uh
has hit a new uh plateau of sorts recently and i want to keep you filled in but um
about three i think it's probably three years ago now or maybe a little bit more
um i i decided to film my own special right and
that was special a lot of you guys saw as 441 and um and the reason i did it obviously i wasn't
getting any opportunities in the business i felt like the business kind of blocked me out so i was
like i'm gonna at least do everything in my power to get myself out there and um and obviously they
said no and i found this new way to kind of deliver content,
and I started putting up these clips
and all that kind of transitioned into some buzz.
Not just some buzz.
Well, yeah, we definitely transitioned the business,
and we transitioned how you put out content into business.
I'm doing it now.
Would have never done it if it wasn't.
Amazing job.
And I think that
you'll continue
you know I hope
that you continue
we have to
because of you
you changed
there's a
I remember the term
paradigm shift
I learned it in college
and it's like changing
the way people think
of something
right right
for some reason
it's this term
I always remember
but that's actually
what you've done
it's fucking crazy
yeah yeah yeah
Dwight Kanye man
says he's gonna change some, and then he does it.
My buddy said this.
He called me.
He was like, it's like Steph Curry, what he did to the NBA.
He was like, what do you mean?
He goes, the game hasn't changed.
It's how the game is played has changed.
And I think that's kind of what people are doing with content now.
Now, five, maybe more than five years ago seven years ago i don't know i i
went to the just for laughs comedy festival in montreal it's the most prestigious comedy festival
in the world and as a new face and even to get a new face i already had a network deal with mtv
and i had two of my own shows coming out so like i had had to go like above and beyond to get what
many people had to get you know know, got just because of heat.
Right.
And it was I just had that relationship with the business at the time where they weren't like I don't think they all looked at me and saw he's going to be something.
Right.
And so I went and I, you know, had an OK festival and then I didn't get offered to come back for like five years.
And we would email them and ask them to come.
We wouldn't get any response, whatever.
for like five years and we would email them and ask them to come we wouldn't get any response whatever last year um after you guys sharing all my clips and selling out these shows and
all these cool things happening with me you know we got this offer to come to the festival and we
said we're not going to come unless we could do our own show my own headline show they acquiesce
we went there we had a cool festival it was fun my first time back this year they asked to uh
if i if i would come back to do the show.
And I said, we'll only come back if we get to do the Nasty Show, which is one of the most prominent shows at the festival and a show that I used to watch Patrice O'Neill on.
And that's why I thought it was so important for me just to accomplish walking his footsteps.
And I wanted to do Inside Jokes and Unsafe Sets there as well.
And they were down.
And I wanted to do inside jokes and unsafe sets there as well.
And they were down.
And I went up there and I did the Nasty Show.
And, again, this is like the same festival that hadn't thought that I was going to be something.
They didn't think that I was going to need to – they didn't think they needed to invest in me per se.
And I was up there and I had some really good shows at the Nasty Show.
And all these reviews started coming in and people were saying great things.
And they put me on – the biggest thing at the Just for Laughs is a gala.
A gala is they usually have a celebrity like a comic or even like a superstar like famous actor will host it.
And they'll write jokes for them and then they bring up maybe eight or 10 other comics.
The thinker who do things.
And you perform in this venue,
it's like 3,500 people.
It's like fucking Carnegie Hall.
It was unbelievable.
And they asked me while I'm up there because the reviews have been going well
for these nasty shows.
And they're like, do you want to do this gala?
It's Anthony Jeselnik's gala.
And the famous comic.
And I was like, yeah, sure.
I'll fucking, I'll do it.'s that's pretty awesome thank you so much and um so i i go to this moment where i'm at the gala i go up
second and um here we are you know maybe seven years ago it was the first time i was able to go
there and then like this big gap with nothing and then i uh you know we built this fucking machine and you guys
sharing these clips and making these things go viral we change a business and i'm at this moment
where i'm at like the highest stage of the most i guess prestigious festival right and uh there's a
little bit part of me that's there like okay i know i have this hype but i'm sure there's a lot
of people watching like am i going to live up to the hype there's still a lot of people there
they're like you know is he good i know we hear the clips and we've seen him on rogan but we don't know
if he can really you know do it and uh and i went up there and i have a seven minute spot
and i went up and um i fucking laid in and what happens is you walk off the stage and they make
you walk back on because it's a TV taping
and I walked off the stage and I walked back on
and
fucking 3,000 people
were standing up
and it was unreal
man it was like I got a little emotional
and it was like the reason
I share this story is because
it's like in that moment I didn't
feel validated by them what I felt
was proud that like one I knew that I could do it but two like we found a way to it yeah you know
like I'm sure there's so many people in regardless of what your situation is you're gonna hear no
and you're gonna hear or people just not believe in you, et cetera. And it's like, we found a way around everybody that said no to the point where they all
believe so much that I was given this opportunity.
And then given that opportunity,
it was like,
this is what,
what are you going to do with this opportunity?
Right.
And to like deliver in that fucking moment,
like there's rarely in life are you going to be given moments where you've
got to deliver.
And it was just so,
it was a sense of pride, and I was
very grateful, obviously, for you
guys for building this, and for everybody listening
for spreading the word.
I want to share that story because I think we
had a big win this
weekend. I get that you're going to say you're grateful to us.
You did it.
I appreciate it.
I'm not going to talk to myself every day.
But it was a big win.
I think some cool things will happen after it
because I think the difference is I went from a guy
who was on some podcasts and talking
in terms of the industry's mind
to a guy who they saw deliver in the moment.
And again, I went there with the mentality, I have what I want and we're building what we want outside of this. a guy who they like saw deliver in the moment and again I
went there with the mentality like I have what I want
and we're building what we want outside of this
if things come cool they don't come cool
that's what I was going to ask do you want
their things still?
no it's not like for me
what I wanted to come out of this
story also was and you said it so
you know brilliantly Kaz when you had
no issue with WWE after you got fired and you said it so you know brilliantly Kaz when you had no issue with WWE
after you got fired
and you're like
yeah there's no
it's okay
and now you're back
doing your own show
on WWE
and like
it was one of those
things that I realized
thanks for breaking that news
it's all good
no we said it
yeah we did
yeah yeah we said it
for those who don't know
but Kaz is doing
the morning show
on WWE
he has his own show now
but like
and that's what you happen
when you have a disposition
like Kaz,
which is,
I'm not going to hold a grudge and be angry and say,
fuck you.
This,
that,
the other,
I'm just going to go,
thanks for the opportunity.
And like,
I'm sure,
I'm sure so many people were maybe expecting me,
you know,
to talk about JFL or these types of things.
Like how could they not?
Da da da.
For me,
there is no,
there is no grudges in business.
If it's good business, we do good business.
It's simple as that.
I'm not going to let you not believing in me stop me from doing business with you.
Let me tell you, man.
Anytime you were in a business, we're all in the business of we need some sort of validation as far as getting on certain places, stages, whatever.
One, you never want getting on certain places, stages, whatever. One,
you never want to burn a bridge.
And two,
you never want to be at a point where,
you know,
you're not grateful for that moment
because this podcast,
your standup,
your tour,
Palooza,
everything like all that shit
could be going tomorrow.
And I'm like,
yo,
at least I did that shit.
Gratitude, man.
And if you keep that attitude to anything you have in life, man,
I guarantee you it may not happen immediately,
but eventually shit will start to pile up and then good things will happen.
People will notice it, man.
People notice.
And to put a little bow on this, last year,
and people will notice and people will start to change
and you have to be ready for their change.
You know,
F.A. I think said to me once,
he's like,
prophets let people convert,
right?
Now,
this is not me calling myself prophet,
but what I'm saying is,
you have to let non-believers become believers.
If you resent every person
that didn't believe in you,
then you'll never have anybody to take yeah you'll
never have anything and the reality is in a weird way i'm so grateful because they forced me to
create this thing this this this monster that can move the business right so it's just like i'm
grateful for the nose because they exposed me to who i am and what i can do right if i just got
every opportunity in my face i wouldn't be close to as strong
of a comic or close to as strong as a podcast
or any of this type of shit so
to put things in perspective last
year for the New York Comedy Festival
we were supposed to do a
Flagrant 2 live show and
the New York Comedy Festival for whatever reason
had a beef against me
and then I guess a couple weeks before
they just cancelled the Flagrant 2 live show from the festival.
Yeah.
They said you can still do it, but it can't be part of the festival,
which is why we're doing it.
Doesn't make any fucking sense, yeah.
And it's just like, I have no fucking clue why.
Yeah.
That exact guy, a few days ago, emailing my agent,
how do we get Andrew Schultz at the New York Comedy Festival? Now, it's very easy for me to tell my agent, how do we get Andrew Schultz at the New York Comedy Festival?
Now, it's very easy for me to tell my agent,
tell him to go fuck himself.
You know?
It doesn't do anything.
It gives you nothing in that situation.
You already won.
When they make that call,
they know that they're swallowing
their pride to make the call.
And on some level, I even respect it that you're able to have business.
There are certain networks out there that they still can't deal with the fact that they were wrong about me.
So they want to continue the block.
And it's purely ego.
And that's not how you make money.
That's not how you do business.
Remove the ego from business.
Now, the New York Comedy Festival festival this year i already booked the
show at town hall a week after and that was my fuck you to them right it's like you're not going
to keep me in your festival i'll do the show the week after and i'll sell that shit out just to let
you motherfuckers know right but it all i guess i'm trying to say is it was a cool moment in my career to like fully come around that blockade
and uh yeah i wouldn't be able to do it without you guys it would be nothing so i'm very grateful
for everybody here and i hope that maybe there's something you guys took from that story it's a
great way to congrats man congrats on that man yeah that's on everybody good things are happening
for everyone i like that absolutely except those Somali chicks without the clips.
That was full circle.
Perfect.
End it.
This has been Flavor 2.
Peace.
God bless.