Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Schulz on Stylebender's REVENGE, Dalai Lama Tongue Suck, & Mario Movie
Episode Date: April 12, 2023Sup everybody, we're back with the Flagrant boys & today we talk about some wild things: Izzy's KNOCKOUT, Schulz should be Waluigi in the next movie, The Dalai Lama doing some wild stuff, how hot your... cousin might be and much much more. INDULGE 00:00 Israel Adesanya is that guy + fight recap + 1st fight adjustments 14:25 Dricus du Plessis trolling his way to a fight 19:47 Great that UFC is buying WWE 21:27 Trump will become the President in 2024 + needing Black women or gays 29:51 Rihanna might be the one for Trump + US looking weak 35:35 Dalai Lama really is wildin’ 37:55 Gandhi wasn’t really on hunger strike? 42:05 Michael Jackson was better than Gandhi 44:20 Mr Beast’s newest challenge - Chris 49:31 Ugly women need to get HRT 55:15 Waluigi reviews the Super Mario Bros. movie 59:54 Japanese were racists back in the day… 01:01:34 Andrew had never heard of Waluigi + Impressions 01:03:06 The importance of choosing the right role + Chalamet v Holland 01:16:13 Air with no Jordan 01:17:53 Dana Carvey turtlely appropriate 9/11 Tribute 01:19:24 Beverly Hills Cop allowed Eddie to be Eddie + choosing the right role 01:23:42 Chris Tucker + Fifth Element + what movie sets are really like 01:30:01 Andrew was too afraid to break acting rules + genius in not knowing 01:33:53 The Beatles were incredible: they made the 1960s 01:37:25 Pressure of being a critic + real criticism has value 01:43:30 Akaash needs an info wala + becoming Dr. Umar Jahangir 01:49:57 Men getting more cosmetic surgery for other MEN + meat market 01:58:03 Willing to listen to 1 out of 100s 01:59:46 Andrew’s Ultimate Feet Theory 02:01:19 Talking about Barbie’s length 02:03:55 Mark makes Andrew’s argument better 02:05:00 Margot Robbie’s arch + foot tattoos are for fat girls 02:09:58 Would you smash Margot if is she’s your cousin?
Transcript
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What's up, everybody, and welcome to Flagrant.
We're sipping on spritzes.
Summer is upon New York City.
The mood is high.
Izzy is now the middleweight champion.
Let's fucking go.
Fucking time.
Slade, the ultimate dragon.
Unfortunately, he is not with us right now, man.
We tried, though.
Big letdown.
We tried.
We tried, but you got to let that man celebrate in the way that he wants to celebrate.
It's great to be with you guys. We haven't had a boy's ep in a minute let's talk let's talk about
a while uh everyone here saw the fight obviously oh yeah yeah fuck dude yeah stayed up late stayed
up late yeah okay uh thoughts about the fight son i didn't know izzy was playing possum and then i
was so fucking worried and i feel kind of bad because my wife was like, why are you acting like you're fighting?
And then I was like, because I was.
Don't you hate it when people do that?
Son, son.
Let me be into something.
Then I got insecure.
Why are you acting like you made the purse with Chanel?
You didn't make the purse with Chanel.
You liked the purse.
But then I got insecure.
And I was like, you don't understand.
He could die in there.
And then she got super worried.
And then everything, she was like freaking out because she was like, oh, my God, this guy could die. And then I spent 30% of the fight being like, no, but he's actually too good of a fighter could die in there and then she got super worried and then she everything she was like freaking out because she was like oh my god this guy could die and then i spent 30 percent
of the fight being like no but he's actually too good of a fighter to die in there
he said the same thing during top gun though he was like no tom cruise could die in there like it
is intimidating remember when i was watching the the last dance and my wife recorded me giving her
the rules and then i told her i was going to jump out the window.
I had enough.
I said, I had enough.
No, no.
I said, I said, I'm going to go watch it at the studio.
I'm going to leave you right now.
I'm going to the studio to watch The Last Dance.
But you already know what happens to Michael Jordan.
Yeah, dude.
You already know what happens.
That's how important it is.
That's how important it is.
You know what happens at church?
No, no.
Uh-uh.
Sometimes he'll freestyle.
You go to church every Sunday.
You know the story.
No, but he'll add some freestyle.
Oh, my God.
He'll start going off.
He made a Bordeaux this weekend.
Last weekend, it was a Merlot.
It's the little things, bro.
It's the spice of life.
Anyway, you could know the ending for something and still be, you know, enjoy the experiment.
Whatever.
See how exciting that was?
You thought you knew.
I got a point on that one.
You thought you knew I was going to end that sentence.
You didn't realize I was going to have a fucking stroke in the middle of it.
Yo, shout out
to the Mario Brothers movie. We're going to get
back to that in a little bit.
Izzy, victory.
Izzy, victory.
Did everybody collectively lose
their fucking minds when he got that KO?
My dog started shaking. I was screaming so loud.
He thought I was... And then my wife was like,
yo, people who didn't watch the fight
think you're beating me up
right now
because I just kept
let's fucking go
I was going nuts
that's what you would sound like
if you were beating her up
I mean just
high volume
let's go baby
you fucking do a
three point celebration
yeah I gotta get into it
you know what I mean
Al and I watch it together
you don't need to do
an end of fight promo
if you're beating your wife
you know what I mean
you don't gotta be like
I'm the cream of the crop.
No, you gotta do it.
You got it.
Yeah, you gotta talk that shit.
Come on, you gotta finish her.
That's abusive
if you do it
and you don't celebrate.
Yeah.
Because that means
you do it all the time.
But if you do it
for the first time,
you gotta dance around.
We competing.
You gotta drag her body
to the middle
of the living room
and then sit on top of her and do this shit.
You're celebrating your last moments of freedom.
You gotta have a story for the boys in jail.
Facts.
You just hooked her off one time and then that's it?
You do a post-fight interview like,
honestly, he was looking good in the first round.
She was going for it, you know what I'm saying?
I mean, yeah,
you could do that, Mark.
That's where it's too crazy?
You could do that, Mark.
That's where it's too crazy, Mark?
It just died, bro.
You guys were visualizing it.
You were lost in the act.
You guys were lost in the act.
Hey, Mark.
Tell us how you feel
after that fight.
She was good, bro.
She was putting up a fight, man.
I thought she had it.
I thought she had it. Now she had it.
That's the deal.
I'll put you out to misery right now.
That's the hardest part of fighting.
No one ever talks about that.
The fight is the easy part.
He's going to keep going.
It's the post-fight interviews, bro.
That shit is tricky.
You've got to have your words all organized.
Anyway.
Golly, bro.
Did you get beat up by your wife last night?
I'll be honest, man.
It was a tough fight, bro.
I'll be honest.
It was good.
All right, so in the fight, Izzy said he was playing possum at the end.
Yes.
Part of me is like, I believe you.
Izzy bullshit.
The other part is like-
Bullshit.
He caught you with the mean leg kick right before.
He landed a couple punches right before.
Now, I will say this.
There was another time where Pereira was closing the distance on Izzy.
And then Izzy put his hands up and then started swinging with him and just exchanged.
This was earlier in the fight.
But that time, I think he went into it like
he leaned into it but he went and he got caught but still he exchanged it and i i remember at
that moment i was like oh shit hold on he's gonna trade with him yeah because that's a brave thing
yeah the guy who has knocked you out once cold yeah last time you guys fought ko basically the
same way like up against the fucking gate like like trying to slip punches. Exactly. Right. So that was the moment right there. Like the knockout, it was one of the
most brave things I've ever seen. And also like one of the most like cognitively aware things
I've ever seen. Like he gets hit by a few different punches. He gets need basically
in the fucking cheek, right? Massive knee. He gets a left hook, a deadly left hook that
hopefully he blocks a
little bit with his hand. And then he does this great thing. He sees that Pereira is loading up
the left hook again, and he does this quick little pop jab, and then that perfect right hand comes
over. He rocks him, and he falls in the same way when he knocked him, or we almost dropped him in
the first round of the other fight. But this is the craziest thing. The second right hand he lands, I've only been able to see the punch at.25 speed.
Yeah.
The punch does this magical thing.
And this is where, like, I don't know if he's watched so much anime, it's starting to, like, manifest itself.
And I mean this sincerely.
If you watch at regular speed, you see the punch get thrown, and then from about here
to when it hits his head, it just disappears.
I don't know if it's a glitch in the camera,
I don't know what the fuck it is, but if you watch it
at regular speed, the punch
starts here,
disappears, and then ends up on his head.
Were you watching an illegal stream?
I had to bring it down to.25.
That was his Wi-Fi.
It could be.
It could be in my ESPN account.
I got to talk to the mouse about that.
Hold on.
We got your stream up here.
See what I'm saying?
Yeah, I see.
Hold on.
He just punched him five times.
He missed it.
See?
All right.
Let me pull it up.
Let me pull it up.
All right.
This is.25, though, right?
Or whatever point.
No.
That's just buffering.
Now,
the quality of this is so bad, I can't
believe you're actually playing it.
Like, it's shocking to me.
It looks like it's here, and then it's just back all of a sudden.
Bro, I've watched it
at.25 speed. That's the only speed where I can
actually see that second right-hand connect.
It's the fastest punch I've ever seen dropped.
And then game
fucking over. And then celebration crazy. Un-fucking-believable. The celebration's like, I mean, ever seen thrown. Yeah, yeah. And then game fucking over. And then celebration, crazy.
Un-fucking-believable.
The celebration is like, I mean, he's not even a human being anymore.
He's just an anime character.
Bro, the whole storyline.
I mean, I'm just trying to understand the liberation you feel, right?
If you look back to our first interview with him, I asked him, because I didn't even think I knew,
but I asked him, I was like, have you ever been KO'd?
He goes, yeah, by some guy. I'm not even going to mention but I asked him have you ever been KO'd he goes
yeah by some guy
I'm not even going to mention
his fucking name
I remember that
okay
I remember that
right
I went and I think
looked it up afterwards
I was like
who is this motherfucker
that's beaten
is he right
and I saw the KO
and
imagine that
you're on top of the world
you're
I think at one point
he was probably
pound for pound
number one
everybody's going
nobody can beat you at middleweight.
It's absolutely impossible.
You're the fucking king.
But you know in the back of your head there's a guy that got the best of you.
You've probably gotten the best of every other person that you've fought.
Maybe you lost a shitty decision.
Maybe you lost a shitty decision in China where shit is corrupt.
But there's a guy who KO'd you.
And you haven't gotten that get back in.
And then you fight in the UFC,
and he takes everything you've worked for,
and now people are starting to question you.
Other fighters are starting to chirp.
And just like last time,
you were beating him the whole fucking fight.
Exactly.
You were a minute away or a minute and a half away
or however long away from actually getting that,
you know, getting that, what is the term?
Getting the monkey off your back, right?
I'm glad you said it. Yeah. So, and then to go in there and not outpoint him. That's what I
liked about it. He didn't win a decision. Out of the judge's hands. Night, night.
Of all the weight class, all the belt holders in every weight class, he's beaten the most people.
Did you see that stat? Whereas like he beat he beat nine finishes of nine different fighters, whereas
every other belt holder in every other weight class is
three finishes of people in the weight class.
Yeah, because those belts be moving around so much.
But it's just dominant. You have to be dominant over a long
period of time, right? If you're fighting three times
a year, you have to fight, you have to hold that
belt for three years to fight nine guys. That's if.
Dana White was even saying afterwards, he was like,
you know, most guys, they'll fight maybe once or twice
in a year once they get the belt.
You know, they're living a good life.
Why do they want to go out there and risk it?
He goes, Izzy's out there three times a year.
Yeah.
Anyway, it was just this amazing.
And I can't imagine.
That's why I really wanted to talk to him.
I was like, what is that feel?
What is the liberation of slaying the dragon of knowing you could beat a guy?
He's beaten you three times.
He's taken everything.
And then you finally beat him.
And in convincing fashion, he can't say a single thing.
He's unconscious, knocked out. What he did to you,
you just did to him.
What is that feeling?
Mocking his kid right in front of him, fired.
The kid thing was amazing. Un-fucking-believable.
How does he remember all the tags? That's what I'm saying.
That's right. How, after a fight,
you have the mocking
of the kid, you have this amazing
speech that you give, it's fucking motivational.
The bow and arrow shit.
Did he do the bow and arrow every time,
Peredo? Every time.
So he had that locked in.
Because he practiced the improv, if you look at the improv
from just a purely comedic standpoint.
But it's like perfect.
I wonder if he did three because he got beaten
three times. Yeah, he gets the bow.
He did three arrows. I don't know.
Is he the kind of guy who would do that? Yeah, there's the bow. He did three arrows. He gets the bow and the arrows.
I don't know if he's the kind of guy who would do that.
Yeah, there's a great, there's a guy named Trill Effects or something like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He did this amazing, like, he adds animation to the video.
He puts actual arrows in Izzy's hand and the bow.
And then he breaks the bow.
And he snaps the bow.
It's just perfect improv.
Like, he doesn't, like, throw the, it doesn't disappear.
I want to know the moment, what he's thinking, the moment he sees the opening for that first, that jab, that left he throws, when he sees it, when he sees that connect, and then he connects to right, I want to know his entire thought process as he's seeing all of it happen.
It's my imagination.
I'm imagining he sees Pareda loading up the left again.
Yeah.
Because Pareda lands a big left, but he blocks it.
And then he sees him dipping to load it again, and then it is just lightning fast.
And I think it's one of those things, I think he made a decision, and I want to fucking talk to him about it,
obviously,
but I think he made a decision,
which is,
if we get in close,
I'm not going to hold his hands.
Remember,
that's what he was doing before?
Oh, yeah.
We're swinging.
And he did it earlier.
He got caught,
but I was like,
oh shit,
he wants to bang with this motherfucker.
He wanted to bang,
but he also was keeping his guard up.
And I love,
that's a difference.
Usually he'll be like this with it,
but he was like this.
No, we're doing this.
Yeah. I'm locked in, and I'm willing to take one one to give one and he got caught a few times by Pereira and the chin held up and I wonder if you get some confidence going okay he's
hit me hard he kicked him Pereira kicked him once in the fucking head and he got caught but he you
know kept his cool yeah but I wonder if that was in camp it was like yo I'm going out if I go out
I'm going out on my shield.
Because you have to understand, when you decide to exchange with somebody in that moment, that's an all-in hand in poker.
Because if you get caught, it's over. Someone bigger than you, stronger than you.
And keep in mind, he's not imagining it's over.
He's felt it be over.
The bravery of sitting there in that moment and going, this is a 50-50.
Either I'm going to hit him and it's lights out
or he's going to hit me
and it's lights out again
and he just decides to do it.
I'm prepared to die.
And I think the great part
at the knockout was,
I think Izzy did get hurt
and that's why he moved back,
but I thought he was really hurt.
So I think Izzy still had
all his wherewithal about him.
So that's why that first check jab was just to see the distance.
That's why the second one was perfect.
And also, getting hit in your leg doesn't daze you.
Yeah, it doesn't daze you.
So he's all there.
He's just a little bit, what is it, incapacitated?
Yeah.
So he's all that he's incapacitated.
So he can think.
He sees the punches coming.
He knows everything that's happening, but he just can't move.
And then when Pineda walked into that trap yeah yeah now true geordie that's i don't know
if y'all saw true geordie did a great breakdown of the first the end of the first round of the
last fight oh yeah and then this so i think izzy was thinking i had this motherfucker in the first
round if that round is three seconds longer one second longer i want i ko this well well well can
i tell you one thing and And Izzy even said this.
Izzy did something different this time. So last time, he hits him with that overhand right.
And he'd been reaching for that overhand right in the first round too. He'd be getting close,
but Padeo was keeping distance. He hits him with that big overhand right, right? Wobbles him.
What does he do in the first fight? He fakes a right, and then he throws a hook. Yeah. This one, he said,
no. Double it up. Double it up.
Give it to the next person. This one is
what hurt you. You get in this one again.
And I remember when he was on the pod, he was like,
I don't know why. I went for an
uppercut and then a hook. I, like, faked an uppercut
and went for a hook. He was, I should have just thrown
the straight right, or the looping right over,
and he fucking did it this time. Yeah.
What a fucking...
I love that he didn't really take cheap shots afterwards.
He finished them and then he went for
the pound and then he was out and he was like,
alright, that's all I need to do.
He got one, but he pulled back on the second one.
And he said, I put everything into it.
He said that was from the gods.
That was crazy.
Yeah, amazing.
But I didn't even see it as violence. I saw. I saw it as, like, letting everything out here.
I'm fucking winning.
Yeah.
I'm not.
This guy's not getting saved by the bell.
And every piece of, like, negative emotion I've felt is going into this.
Yeah.
I didn't think it was any, like, malice or wanting to hurt him.
I think it was just, I have to win it all.
I don't even know what it is he does now.
Yeah, I know.
Like, I don't care to see him fight.
That is, like like that Muhammad Ali fucking
George Frazier.
George Foreman.
George Foreman fight.
Like,
that is the one.
Yeah,
100%.
Like,
this is the one.
Dude,
it's like you beat it.
You beat the guy.
You beat everybody else.
We could watch you fight
everybody else again,
right?
But I don't know
if you're even interested in that.
I think he was even mentioned that.
It's like,
I don't want to fight the same guy
three fucking times.
It's like,
you've done it.
Where is the exciting thing?
There is one guy who's
doing some really fun
trolling. There's a white South African
fighter. Is this Poussey or whatever?
Yeah, Drake is Duplessis.
But he's saying, he goes,
we don't have an African champ.
And it's the funniest thing, a white guy who's going,
I'm Africa. I train in Africa.
I know what it's like to be African.
You're in New Zealand. Kamau, you're in America. I'm the only African that's going to bring the belt to Africa. I train in Africa. I know what it's like to be African. You're in New Zealand. Kamau, you're in America.
I'm the only African that's going to bring the belt to Africa.
But, dude, the fact that a white guy is telling you that.
It's unbelievable.
I would love to see that guy get knocked out.
I'll pay for that.
You have to.
So maybe there's that fight eventually in Africa.
You saw what they said about the oxygen thing?
He was basically saying, like, when I came into the promotion, I had, like, a broken, like, thing in my nose.
Yeah.
Like, my septum was all fucked up, so I could only get 8% oxygen, so my gas tank was nothing.
Who said this?
Your boy.
What's his name?
DePlessé?
DePlessé, whatever.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But he was like, yeah, when I came in, I couldn't.
My boy.
Yeah.
Well, you know what?
The whites.
That was that get back.
The whites.
That was that get back.
The whites.
Damn.
That's crazy.
That's crazy. Y'all let that happen. The whites. Damn. That's crazy. That's crazy.
Y'all let that happen.
The white.
You let it happen.
He's the most racist.
You almost let it happen.
He's the most racist.
He's more racist than me.
I'm saying he's African, bro.
I thought he knew something I did.
A word?
That's your boy.
A word?
A word?
Okay, go on.
Go on.
He was saying when he came in, he could only get 8% oxygen through his nose.
And then he just had nose surgery.
So now he's like, my gas tank is good. What's it like to get 150% oxygen through his nose, and then he just had nose surgery, so now he's like, my gas tank is good.
What's it like to get 150% oxygen through your nose?
The world is my oyster.
Asshole Army, I've got some good news.
We're getting back out on the road.
This summer, we got the tour gearing up.
Very excited.
We're about to let it rip.
First show is going to be at VCon.
Okay, that's Gary V's thing.
He's doing it at the fucking Colts Stadium.
It's going to be kind of crazy.
I don't know what's going on out there.
Then we're going to be out there in Northern Indiana, Gary, Indiana, at the Hard Rock Live Casino.
Make sure you check that.
Then we're flying out to Pechanga Resort Casino.
That's out there in Temecula, California. Then we're going to be up in Reno after that. Then we're flying out to Pechanga Resort Casino. That's out there in Temecula,
California. Then we're going to be up in Reno after that. And then we got the Great Outdoors
Comedy Festival in Calgary. It's going to be wild. We'll be adding more dates. Very excited
to get back out there, see you all again, and just cook up the best show in the business, man.
So this is my passion, this thing I love doing more than anything in the
fucking world, so it's exciting to be back out
there. Can't wait to see you guys. Theandrewschultz.com
if you want to grab tickets to any of those shows.
Thank you so much. Peace.
Okay, so now he's nice because he's able to do it.
That's what his trainer was saying. He's like, now his gas tank
is amazing. This is every young Jewish girl's
excuse to get a nose job. I have a deviated
septum. I can't breathe.
Oxygen gets stuck in the hook
and then it gets trapped
in that little cavity.
All right,
so let's see what happens
with him.
I think he's got a few more
fights to do it,
but it's a perfect troll.
I mean,
you want to see
the white African guy
that claims the black guy
is not African enough
go at it in Africa.
Yeah.
I mean,
that's great.
Oh yeah,
the whole content
comes out for that.
Yeah.
Love that storyline.
Also a fun thing for Izzy,
like, I'm sure there's also,
there's always a part of someone
who, like, leaves their homeland
that they don't feel
like they're truly 100% that.
Like, I wonder if, like, you've, like...
Oh.
I know you're Indian.
Yeah, but Indians look at me
like I'm the most American.
I don't know shit.
So you have this thing.
But what if you could go to India and fuck up some white boy that said he was more Indian?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Be the best.
That's anime.
Yeah, literally.
Izzy, fuck that.
Go to Hollywood.
Get your buddy.
That's it.
So there's the other thing that he could do, right?
It's like, now you're champ.
You've just slayed the dragon.
There's not a single person on this planet
that they can say that you can't fuck up
or haven't fucked up, right?
And they're probably going to start mentioning
the Jon Jones shit.
But Izzy can even be like, Jon is afraid of me,
and that's why he ran up to heavyweight.
That's already popping up on my TikTok feed.
They're trying to, the people are trying to get that.
You want the wild one?
Let me give you the wild one.
Alex Pereira goes up to light heavyweight, 205.
Wins the belt.
Izzy comes up to light heavyweight, fights him again.
Double champ.
Beats him, double champ.
Who's the heavyweight champ?
Jon Jones.
Jon Jones.
Izzy goes up to heavyweight.
Triple.
Fights Jon Jones, becomes the triple champ.
Nobody's ever done it in MMA.
Retires.
I hope he doesn't do it.
No, no, no.
Of course, we want him to go to Hollywood and just make oodles and oodles of money.
And the damage that gets done by a heavyweight is just probably way different than.
Of course.
But the anime.
Can we talk about anime for a second?
The anime.
Yes.
Yes.
Like we were saying, have an anime series based on you, Izzy.
Make a lot of money.
Go to Hollywood.
Do that.
It's very clear.
No, another New Zealander, Taika Waititi, who did Love and Thunder and all that, is
also boys with Izzy, anime.
There's your movie.
I think he gets the triple belt and then fights Pereda's kid.
Fire!
The kid comes up and tries to avenge his father's death.
Fire!
Now we're talking.
And if Izzy's
really into anime,
you gotta let him win.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You gotta let him win.
He's getting that get back.
That's the revenge.
The kid will be like 17
by that point.
You know what I mean?
He might have some power.
Yo.
Then it's a fight.
Nah, Izzy needs to have a kid
so then it'll be like Creed
and then Izzy's kid
comes back.
Yeah, there you go.
Come on, brother.
We're great at writing stories.
Yo, look at us.
Stories?
Come on. Light work. When UFC merges with WWE, they gotta yeah, yeah. There you go. Come on, brother. We're great at writing stories. Yo, look at us, dude.
Come on.
Light work.
When UFC merges with WWE, they got to call us up and start writing some storylines.
You know what I mean? Bro, what a great idea for UFC to buy the WWE.
Mm-hmm.
Not only for, like, the synergy with the fighters.
Like, you can have the fighters interacting in each other's worlds, which is a great promotional tool.
Like, go have your heels be heels in the WWE.
You have access to all those story writers
who are great writers.
They know how to write these storylines, right?
So you can basically pluck them and say,
hey, listen, how do we build this one fight
between these two guys that nobody really cares about,
et cetera.
But also you have a retirement job for a lot of fighters.
So the popular fighters, exactly, that you know have been like honest and done a good job for the company, but they don't really have a way of making money after that.
Let Nate Diaz go be in WWE.
Isn't it still crazy hard in your body wrestling though?
Not as hard as real fighting.
Fair, fair.
I mean that's crazy you even thought it was.
Like wrestlers have convinced us, they're like, it's real. And it's like, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, that's crazy you even thought it was. Like, wrestlers have convinced us,
they're like, it's real.
And it's like, no, no, no, no, no.
It's real compared to like
being an accountant.
Yeah, no.
The one small pushback
I'll give you,
I'm mostly wrong.
5% their schedule
is so much crazier.
You're wrestling three times a week
or whatever.
That's true.
Five times a week.
So if you're one of these famous guys,
maybe you're popping in,
popping out type of thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And the thumbtacks,
you don't want to deal with thumbtacks.
What is a thumbtack?
The hell in the cell shit.
You don't want to see Nate Diaz get a chair to the head.
I'm too famous for this.
We worked with Brock Lesnar.
They had Ronda Rousey crossed over.
There's space.
Yeah, there's a funnel.
I mean, Mayweather was up in that.
But even fun things like Bad Bunny comes in and then Logan, he's not going at every event,
but big stadium things.
It's fun.
What did you think of the antics around the fight?
Like Trump pulling up?
Oh, my God.
Oh, Trump is winning.
Yeah.
Trump is winning.
Trump is winning.
I'm on board.
I'm on board.
What's the thing, dude?
I'm on board.
He won me over.
He won me over when he won money off of Kid Rock.
I think he bet on Izzy.
Oh, did he really?
There's an interaction between the two of bet on Izzy. Oh, did he really? There's an interaction
between the two of them
after Izzy KOs him
and it looks like
there's like a pocket,
a handoff.
Stimulus.
If he did,
if he got that
Kid Rock stimulus,
dude,
if he put money on Izzy,
100%.
Apparently,
the people I knew
that were at the fight,
they're like,
when they showed Trump
on the screen,
it went crazy.
It went nuts.
I heard the same thing.
There was the second
loudest sound of the night behind the knockout.
We were just talking about this on Brilliant Idiots.
It's like this is in Florida.
This is DeSantis' state.
Yeah.
His literal state.
Yeah.
And Trump is going to wash him in Florida.
He's going to wash him everywhere.
The guy is too good.
It's the primary night.
We're going to be close.
You know what else I realize is helpful?
The fact that for the last two years, we've had a president that is maybe alive, maybe not alive.
We're not exactly sure where he is.
If somebody came out now and they were like, all right, Biden's been dead and we just didn't want to tell people, right?
We'd be like, okay, we're not shocked, right?
So we know the country can run without a president.
Biden just said recently, I'm saying this on Brilliant Inits, that like he's like I would love to do something about gun control
I just have no power to do it
so he's basically saying
the position is powerless
and it can run without somebody
who's coherent
as president
so now that Americans
kind of know
it's just like a fun position
put the fun guy
here's what
if it was a smart position
like if it was like
head of MIT's
research lab
for cancer
we don't want Trump
yeah
right
but if it's like dean of MIT nah yeah get kid rock in there we don't want Trump there. But if it's like Dean of MIT.
Nah.
Yeah.
Get Kid Rock in there.
You don't want the fun guy, because the fun guy doesn't know that it's just for fun, and
he's trying to do shit.
Yeah, but he can't, so it's like a baby.
You're like, okay, here, the plane is coming.
Give him fake nuclear codes.
69, 69, 69.
There it is.
He'll believe it, and he won't use them.
That's crazy.
He'll tell all the other leaders, like, yo, I got the new codes.
Yeah, triple 69.
It's crazy how horny they are in the Navy.
It's a big thing.
That's what it is, bro.
For real.
He pokes out a little bit.
That's it.
So I think.
I think he's going to win.
I think it's easy.
They've got to lock him up.
If they don't, then he wins.
And the fact that they're trying to lock him up over some absolute bullshit compared to what other politicians do yeah it is illegal but it's not even close to as illegal as like what pelosi and her fucking husband do with the stock market or what hunter and joe biden have done with the
ukraine at the very least unethical it's it is it is way less bad than the steel dossier shit
yeah did we talk about that like the clinton's the d DNC paying for the Steele dossier, right?
So it's like,
when you look at
what they're doing,
I understand why everybody
who's in the middle, right?
Like all the people
who are like,
I don't even like
this motherfucker,
but I hate these
virtue signaling people
that are just
complete hypocrites.
So because I despise
them so much,
I'm gonna ride for this dude.
Well, you know what else
I think Trump is doing
additionally is
he's not saying anything about shit
going on here outside of the politicians.
He's not speaking on race issues.
He's not speaking on these things that always
make people be like, God damn it, dude, now I can't
fucking, I can't back you. If he
continues doing that. If he continues doing that,
it's a fucking landslide. So I have the way
that he wins guaranteed. I just don't know
how he does it.
But I have the way that he can win. The winning strategy you feel how he does it. But I have the way
that he can win.
The winning strategy,
you feel you have it.
100%.
What is it?
He needs black women
on his side.
I don't know how he does it.
I don't know what
he can do to do it.
But if he can get black women
to be like,
nah, we fuck with Trump.
A subsidized Beyonce tour?
I don't,
it's like they don't even
buy Beyonce's clothing anymore.
Like, I think Beyonce
might be over. Relax, bro. I hate to say it, but it's like they don't even buy Beyonce's clothing anymore. Like, I think Beyonce might be over.
Relax, bro.
I hate to say it, but it's like,
Adidas let Beyonce take her clothing back.
They were like, let's just go on a separate,
they didn't even let Kanye do that.
They're like, we still need to figure this out.
But with Beyonce, they say, keep your shit.
Ice spice running mate.
That would work?
No.
Nah.
No, we actually need to be serious about this.
What can you do to win over
black women? Anybody running who has black
women wins.
He didn't have black women the first time, my G.
2016? No.
2016.
Remember when he won?
We forgot about it. It wasn't because of
Silk and Diamond.
I just think if he can win over,
it doesn't have to be all black women,
but if he can do something to win over black women,
it is a wrap.
It is done.
Because then he's completely free.
White women can't complain about him.
White women can't say he's an asshole,
can't say he's a racist,
can't say he's hateful.
Because black women are like,
shut the fuck up, you're all those things.
So black women can say to white women, you're all those things, shut the fuck up.
If Trump wins over half of the black female vote, you don't even need all of them, half.
Also, once black women fuck with Trump, every black dude is like, are we free to fuck with him?
Yeah.
He's going to get to the gays, the gays will pick it up.
Oh, Trump came out to macho man.
He's gay.
He wears makeup, cares about his fucking hair. No, Trump don't bash the gays. Yeah, I will pick it up. Trump came out to Macho Man. He's gay. He wears makeup, cares
about his fucking hair. Now, Trump don't bash the gays.
I think that's the group he needs.
He needs the black gays.
Because black women follow everything that the black gays do.
Oh my God!
But then how does he, he's going to lose the
evangelical Christians.
But half of them are gay already.
He needs to,
yeah, he needs, yeah, but they don't want to come out.
They're afraid to come out.
Mark, how do you?
But you vote in private.
Saucy Santana.
But we need it publicly.
We need the public admission of support.
How do we get that?
I've literally been thinking about this since we did Brilliant Idiots.
I'm like, what would be the thing that they could do?
What would be the thing the Trump campaign could do?
To convince black women that he
has their best interests at heart? What do black
women care about more than anything?
I think their children.
I think it's family.
Respect.
He doesn't check that box either.
Yeah, he's not the most respectful.
But how could he convince
them that he wanted the best for their children?
That's rough, bro.
Yo, what if he came out?
Yeah, he's going to have to lie.
What if Trump came out and he was like—
Reparations.
Yo, what if—
Only black men want that shit, bro.
I'll be honest with you.
I haven't heard a lot of black women talking about reparations.
Man, if it's helping everybody black, it will be all boy.
I'm not saying they're against it.
It will be all boy.
I'm not saying they're against it,
but that would cost him the white vote,
for sure.
What, reparations?
Reparations, yeah.
Then he loses.
Landslide.
That ain't gonna be it.
Yeah.
But what could he do to get black women?
What, Akash?
Bruh, this is a fucking uphill battle, dog.
They hated him for eight years.
Yeah.
We're just starting to find him funny again,
and the second he starts speaking on issues, people are going to be like, God damn it, dude.
Yeah.
He just got to stay away from all that.
Who do they hate besides him?
What do black women hate?
White women.
Tory Lanez.
Tory Lanez.
Oh.
White.
Is it white?
Is it like white men?
Is it like pompous, rich white men?
I don't think so.
No, not really.
No?
Not really.
They just don't exist in their world.
They don't pay attention to them.
Yeah, that makes sense.
I think black dudes don't like white dudes, and white women don't like white dudes.
That's about it.
I mean, I don't mean to bring this podcast to a screeching halt here, but I do think it's an important issue.
You've handed us a Rubik's Cube.
It's a tricky thing, right?
But if he can even do it, because it really frees up black dudes, because it seems like every black dude I meet absolutely loves Trump, but they're terrified to admit it.
Stop it.
I'll be honest.
You're speaking on behalf of the two black dudes you know?
I know more black dudes than you.
Stop it.
This is not, this is not. not come on you might be right but
it doesn't help you that haircut's getting to you bro bro you don't even your business partner
ain't even black it's a fake black jewish girl really it is that's not how trump will win over
her name is gila i love love you, Weezy.
Don't do that.
I love you, Weezy.
Tell them that you're not actually black.
Tell them that you're from Morocco.
Just speak the truth.
You're a Moroccan Jew.
100%.
This is delightful.
This is really good.
Real black women would have to like Trump.
Sorry, Weezy.
I love you.
Weezy, I did it I did my heart in
Yeah, we just gotta think
Who is the culture curator for black women?
Who are the influencers for black women?
Beyonce
But Beyonce don't talk
Beyonce doesn't have opinion
She's not like a political
Rihanna will talk that shit
And I feel like you could get Rihanna
I think you could get Rihanna I feel like you could get Rihanna. I think you could get Rihanna.
You could get Rihanna. Yo, yo, yo.
Who did Trump get out of
motherfucking Swedish prison? Oh!
Shit! Yep.
Wait a minute. If he can get the gun
charge in LA dropped,
if he can get that shit
dropped, now we talking!
Now we talking! And he comes out in Fenty?
If he wears the Fenty beauty
From his orange shirt
And she's a billionaire
He gonna give her the tax breaks
Oh my god
We might be on something
Oh my god
Yo free ASAP bro
Hold on this hat tight as fuck
Shout out Waluigi
But this hat is tight as fuck
Listen if we get Rihanna
Which is very gettable
She has two children
She cares more than anything
About those children
He has to make sure
That they come up in a world
That is safe and supportive I think she only has one But keep going She has another one. She cares more than anything about those children. He has to make sure that they come up in a world that is safe and supportive.
I think she only has one, but keep going.
She has another one coming on the way.
Oh.
Yeah.
It has not born yet, but.
When he's president, it will be born.
I would say I count that technically.
Yeah.
Oh, we know that.
We know that.
Very good.
You look at Rihanna like, they're still talking.
Yeah.
Shit.
I'll say that during the first one.
Yo, I think he got to go after Rocky, bro. Yeah, I think he got to go after Rocky, bro.
Yeah.
I think he got to go after Rocky.
I think he got to clear that fucking charge.
He's got to get Rihanna on board.
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
I mean.
Who else?
We have Rihanna.
Who else?
Black female influence.
Lauren London.
I don't know if she has cultural stronghold over black women.
Really?
She does, yeah. Half Jewish, too, by the way. Is she really? There you go. Lauren London. I don't know if she has cultural stronghold over black women. Really? Yeah.
Half Jewish, too, by the way.
Is she really?
There you go.
There you go.
They be infiltrating.
Yeah, I know.
Jews be getting in there, bro.
Maybe make a Nipsey Hussle day
or something like that.
Oh, my God.
That'd be fun.
During the New York City Marathon day,
just line those up.
The marathon continues.
Wow.
Bro, there it is.
There it is.
That's good.
It's over.
Wow.
It's a wrap.
Got it.
So we're giving them too many ideas.
All I'm saying is I think it's very possible for Trump.
And for whatever reason, I feel like the culture has shifted a bit.
Maybe because, like you said, he hasn't really spoken on many issues.
As long as he's not speaking on issues, he can't be divisive.
And if he's talking shit about politicians, we love it.
He's right.
Because they're all pieces of shit.
And, sorry, we look weak as fuck right now internationally.
And Trump being there, countries aren't going to talk the same shit.
Because Trump will fire off whatever.
Oh, they know he's a wild boy.
Loose candy.
Yeah.
I also do think that us not looking good internationally is foreign propaganda.
Ah. think that like us not looking good internationally is foreign propaganda. I think that, you know,
China, I think that maybe Saudi,
maybe Russia are doing everything in their power
to, you know, put the gas
on these stories that come out about like
here's this union between these different countries.
Like the world doesn't really want to
use China as a reserve currency. Like they can't
trust China. It's like they have...
Grand Wizard, he might be one of the ops, bro.
Oh, shit.
He be pushing that propaganda.
You be pushing that propaganda.
You gonna break my motherfucking heart, Randy.
This whole time, every single podcast I go on,
I've been promoting the greatest Instagram page
of all time.
Grand Wizard chat, word I can't say.
And in reality, you've been working
for the motherfucking Chinese this whole goddamn time.
Say it ain't so, bro.
Yeah.
I'm just tripping on Grandy.
That's the best nickname
to say that.
That's the best way
to say that.
Oh, Grandy?
Grandy?
Fire.
You don't even sound
remotely offensive.
Not at all.
Because it's Grandy.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You can't even call him that.
Chicken spot in the south,
I think.
That's where we get
all our geopolitic news from.
Same.
Yeah, true, bro.
It's so funny
when someone hits a group text
and be like,
damn, you heard of World War III? And I've just been scrolling Instagram and I know exactly where you got your bullshit news from. It's so funny when someone hits the group tags and be like, damn, you heard of World War III?
And I've just been scrolling Instagram and I know exactly
where you got your bullshit news from.
Yeah.
Why would they do that?
To what end? Because I think division
here is really good. Yeah. I think division
here is really good. And I actually think Trump will be the most
divisive candidate. And they actually want
that. Because as long as we're fighting amongst ourselves,
then the powers that be within this country can't focus on global control.
So they want us fighting amongst ourselves as much as we possibly can.
That's like that Pentagon leak.
The Russian media was picking it up, and they were blasting it everywhere.
They're like, look at this leak.
America is so embarrassing, and look at our numbers.
We're killing it, blah, blah, blah. They were promoting that shit on their channels.
And I find it hard to believe that that's the only thing that leaked from the Pentagon.
There might be plenty of things that leaked, but they select the ones that are going to get the
views. And when you look at podcasts, you look at news sources, what's trendy right now? What's
trendy right now is the de-dollarfication of the world. What's trendy right now is US no longer the global superpower. What's trendy right now is the de-dollarification of the world. What's trendy right now is U.S. no longer the global superpower.
What's trendy right now is China's coming up,
and we've fallen for that too.
So we're promoting the things, the propaganda, if you will,
that is beneficial to the rest of the world.
So some of it might be truthful,
but to really de-dollarify the world
is like an unbelievably difficult task.
Here's my one pushback that's probably not great, but Trump seems like the firmest hand internationally.
The firmest hand.
I remember Sager saying one thing he liked that Trump did is he was very firm with China.
Whereas most politicians, most U.S. leaders have been like, yeah, let China do their thing.
It's fine.
We want to be friends with them.
And Trump was like, fuck that.
Trump seems like he's the most stern internationally.
Like international policy, y'all are not going to fuck with us.
We're daddy.
So division here could be worth that.
But is it for sure?
Because you're taking the chance on, again, like a wild card.
Maybe, maybe they don't want Trump.
Maybe they want Trump arrested.
And maybe it's worth arresting Trump for some bullshit just to get him out of here.
And maybe they're the ones telling the Democrats
to put him behind bars.
Maybe.
That's what's tricky
about the TikTok shit
is like how much of this stuff
is propped up on TikTok
and gassed up like crazy.
I got a theory about this actually
with the Dalai Lama.
Okay.
So you guys saw
the Dalai Lama thing
where like he tells the kid
to suck his tongue?
Been jerking off to it all weekend.
Can I say...
Wow. I'm going to do,
this guy's great.
So,
can I say one thing
about that real quick?
Yeah.
That like,
and you're never going to see me
on a podcast actually saying this,
but China might be right
about Tibet.
Clip it.
China might be right
about Tibet.
I've been hearing this
Tibetan people
for the longest saying,
free Tibet,
free Tibet from China's occupation
or free Tibet, whatever.
It's like, if that's what your leader is doing with kids, bro,
China might be right about Tibet, bro.
China might be right, right?
Should we at least hear China out?
Maybe.
If the leader, the number one dude,
is saying, suck my tongue to kids.
He is the god of compassion.
Suck my tongue.
Spelled C-U-M-P-A-S-S-I-O-N.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm just saying, we got to hear China out.
If I'm Xi Jinping, I'm putting this video on TikTok, and I'm going to see.
See what I'm talking about?
This is what y'all want free?
Oh, that's what you're saying.
You want this free?
The weird shit is that this happened in February.
Like, it's only popping up now.
And so I'm like, oh, yeah, China saw it.
It's fucking popping up on TikTok. They're propagating it everywhere. That's where I first saw it go viral popping up now. And so I'm like, oh yeah, China saw it's fucking popping up on TikTok.
They're propagating it everywhere.
That's where I first saw it go viral was on TikTok.
I'd be okay if they,
did they invade Tibet?
But with that being said,
I'd be okay.
Someone need to invade Tibet.
Someone need to get him out of here.
I think this is,
this is,
he's just trying to one up Biden.
He's taking Biden's rule book
and he's trying to be a great world leader.
And he's like,
what does Biden do?
He sniffs little kids.
So now he's going full tongue sucker.
He's going,
yo, suck my tongue.
I mean, yeah,
that's,
yeah, we got to get
Biden out of here too, bro.
Like, I'll be honest,
if Biden kept up the sniffing,
because I think he's had,
they have the sniffing at bay,
but like,
if he kept up the sniffing,
yeah, where's he going
to sniff and fix?
This is what happens
to all religious leaders
that have to do away
with all their urges.
Yeah, Buddhism don't work.
Take that, Buddhists.
It don't work.
That's what happens.
Your best best.
Maybe it's Catholic propaganda.
Maybe they're like, yo, it's God saying this.
What we're doing is all right.
Maybe it's the priest being like, yo, get this out there.
Listen, and listen.
Priests don't do tongue shit.
God rest the dead.
Priests don't give tongue.
Like, that's so gay.
That is way gayer
I will say
at least he's giving
at least he's offering something
priests are just taking
fucking monsters
but I will say this
it is odd
and you know
God rest the dead
and obviously R.I.P.
the great one
Gandhi
but there was
that little kid shit
going on with him
right
he get bad pushback
when you hit him
with this shit
I do be getting pushback
years ago
because I hate it
because they act like
it should take away
from his greatness
that he used kids for fuel
to do those things.
Yeah, yeah.
Like he wasn't eating
for so long
because he was sucking kids off,
right?
Like he could go
and hunt a...
Okay.
All right, all right.
Let me just say,
I'm going to just say it.
I don't care.
I'm going to defend Gandhi.
I got you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You let him babysit?
You let him babysit? Yeah. You let him babysit?
Yeah. You let Gandhi babysit?
Come on, bro. Gandhi's been reincarnated
in this society. He understands.
Maybe he reincarnated at the dollar store.
We are all one.
Gandhi got married at 13.
His wife was 11. 13-year-olds
then were not what 13-year-olds are now.
Talk that shit.
I'm a fucking blackbird.
Talk that shit. I hate that okay. I'm going to just say this. I'm from fucking Blackbird. Huh?
Talk that shit, Larry Hall.
I hate that I told you about this show.
Talk that shit, Larry Hall.
13 now.
I'm not saying 1990s 30.
I'm saying 1890s 13.
Right.
13 back in the day was old, right?
Son, that's when women started having kids.
I mean, according to Jews, they were adults back then.
Back then, you were adults.
13, bat mitzvah, adult.
That's what it was.
They didn't have this extended childhood.
You were an adult.
Gandhi's married, out the house, 13-year-old wife.
But that's not what he was doing.
He was an adult during adult times, and then he was sleeping with kids in the room.
You know how 30 is the new 40?
13 is the old 18.
13 is the old 18.
But what about when he was old and the kids were sleeping in a room with him to test his
resolve? Did he do anything?
Only day no. There you go. He passed the test.
He did nothing. He passed, bro.
That's the Michael Jackson defense right there.
It's like sleeping with 18-year-olds
and not doing anything with them.
But here's the thing.
It's actually like sleeping with 20-year-olds
because it's two years older than him.
If I got like a chocolate addiction,
and I'm trying to get over it,
maybe I would sleep with some chocolate, right?
Because that chocolate would be right there calling my name, right?
And I got to know that I got to break this chocolate addiction.
He's trying to win over Black Widow.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is Trump trying to get the Black Widow.
I love Trump.
I think by having the kids in the room, he's admitting to attraction.
That's the tricky part.
I think people back then were attracted to 13-year-olds because you were getting married at 11.
So a 13-year-old then is like a 20-year-old now, 21-year-old now.
So you're saying they just carry that attraction until they're older.
That doesn't stop.
Yeah, they just looked at them as women in the way that we don't.
The society, this is healthier and better, I'm sure.
But also back then, you didn't have a childhood where you're like playing with dolls.
At like 13, you're a man.
Get the fuck out of the house.
You know, inflation.
Inflation happens.
Inflation.
Inflation.
No, no, no.
That is an interesting thing that you're saying right there.
It's a crazy thing to say, but I got to stand on it because it's Gandhi.
No, it sounds like I'm about to make fun of you.
I'm not going to make fun of you.
I actually think that's a really interesting argument, which is like, but do you think that that 13 is the best for him?
They just looked at it as, okay, you have, as soon as you're ready to have kids, you're a woman.
Why didn't he have like an 18-year-old fine bitch in there?
An 18-year-old, You might be dying 18 back then.
18-year-old back then?
You're washed.
I kind of get it.
I get it.
No, I'm seeing what you're saying.
I get it.
I don't get it, but I get it.
Yeah.
I see what you're saying.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Now, that last argument I just thought of.
That's age and dog years.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
13, she's like 30.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
13 going on 30.
That's what that movie's about.
That's exactly what it's about.
You guys have seen it.
It's a Gandhi vinyl pic.
It's him picking up chicks.
Bro, that's a great argument for what Gandhi, he didn't know no better.
Son, that was societally, it's temporary back then.
Bro, 13 was an old bitch.
Son, his wife had kids.
How when did she start having kids?
I think 13, she had her first kid.
If I'm not mistaken, it was 13 and 15 and maybe 17.
I could just be making that up.
But for sure, she had a kid by 13.
So he was smashing an 11-year-old.
That's a fact.
As a 13-year-old.
That's an important part.
He was 13?
He was 13.
But she was 11.
Why do you keep saying he was an adult adult?
Then later on when he was an adult, what they say is-
But if he's still with you, look at you, look at you, look say is... Allegedly, he would sleep with 13-year-old
girls in bed with him naked and not do
anything to test his absence.
Oh, no, no, no. You gotta understand, those
chicks were like milfs.
Don't do that.
Black people and Michael Jackson, same shit. Don't do that.
I don't believe Michael.
You don't believe Mike? No.
You crack-ass.
You fucking crack-ass. He touched them, kids. Michael don't need to. You don't believe Mike? No. You crack-ass. It's all just that good.
But he touched them kids.
Michael don't need to touch no fucking kids.
He touched them kids.
No, those kids got to sleep with Mike.
Yeah.
It ain't the other way around.
You know what I mean?
He still touched them.
No, he didn't touch them.
He looked at them.
He didn't touch them.
No, no.
He looked at them.
You can't compare Gandhi to Michael Jackson.
Yeah.
Gandhi didn't make any music.
Michael Jackson's way better.
He's more talented, but he's not better.
Michael Jackson was infinitely more impactful globally.
For sure.
Yeah, sure, globally.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He didn't impact much societally except those dudes' buttholes.
They weren't full dudes.
That's true.
Children's buttholes.
More people cry for Michael Jackson than for Gandhi.
That's false.
I don't know anybody who cries for Gandhi.
No disrespect, obviously.
That's false.
He died in 1947. Did people cry? Yeah, of course. A billion people. A billion people. That's false. I don't know anybody who cries for Gandhi. No disrespect, obviously. That's false. He died in 1947.
Did people cry? Yeah, of course. A billion people.
A billion people.
A billion people.
A billion people.
A billion people.
And he had kids at 16 and 17.
What? He had his first kids at 16 and 17.
He was 16 and 17. She's two years younger than him.
She was 17. No.
Gandhi's 16 and his wife, age 17.
Had their first baby. No, they didn't wait
six years to have kids. They did not.
But is his wife older than him? No.
She was 11, he was 13. I'm fairly
certain. God damn. Imagine you
got that wrong, bro. That's crazy.
Are you trying to put
low hands on him?
Hey, ship, disconnect Dove's internet right now.
That's racist, bro.
You think he controls the internet?
That's fucked up.
You really think that Michael Jackson
was touching them kids, bro?
You think that's why
he always had the band-aids
on his fingers?
You think he was blistered up
from it or what?
Nah, they were just biting.
Yo, they bite back.
Yeah, that's how kids fight.
Kids bite back.
They might have bit the jack.
Yeah, that's a good-ass point.
The spotted dick? It wasn't spotted. It was bruises. Those fight the chat. That's a good ass point.
The spotted dick?
It wasn't spotted,
it was bruises.
Those were bruises?
Yeah, come on.
Wow, dude.
Now it all makes sense.
But I still don't believe he did nothing.
I never heard
the spotted dick then.
You didn't hear
the spotted dick?
He's young, bro.
He don't know
nothing about the dick.
I saw it.
I saw it.
I don't remember it though.
He wouldn't be invited.
Yeah, he would.
You wouldn't have made the cut.
Yeah, I didn't like
Michael like that
back in the day.
He would have liked you. Making the cut. Can we talk about Chris from Mr. Beast, he would. You wouldn't have made the cut. Yeah, I didn't like Michael like that back in the day. He would have liked you.
Making the cut. Can we talk about
Chris from Mr. Beast, bro?
Because Mr. Beast,
one of his boys transitioning, bro.
Mr. Beast trying to get that Bud Light
sponsorship.
Why don't we clap?
Which boy, though? Was it the elf-looking nigga?
No.
The Indian?
No, no.
Wait for it.
That's my dude, not Tariq.
You went first with Carl.
That's emphatic, no.
No, not Carl.
He went with elf.
Safe shit.
Yeah.
Who was elf?
Nolan.
Oh, he went with Nolan.
Yeah, because he's pretty.
You thought that he was close?
Yeah.
But is that a safe way of you saying you were most attracted to him?
Yeah, absolutely.
That's it.
He's the most attractive out of all of them.
Shout to you, yo.
Yeah, come on.
I'm progressing.
No, no, no.
Tariq's got a body.
Tariq is objective.
Yo, if you put Tariq in a fucking, what is that shit called?
The free women in Saudi wear?
Hijab.
Hijab.
If you put Tariq in a hijab, bro.
He'd be cute.
He'd be cute, bro.
Yeah.
Tariq is cute, bro. He got a body. He'd be cute, bro. Tariq is cute.
Sorry.
He got a body.
He got a ramen on body.
Did y'all see his eyes?
Who?
The elf one.
That's Nolan, bro.
That's Nolan.
Same shit.
You just love white bitches, bro.
That's what he really got.
You ain't wrong with me.
Okay, so you're saying of all the people on Mr. Beast's channel, of all the talent on his channel,
you thought that it would be Nolan that would transition first?
Yes, he has the most feminine features.
Okay, and is he the person
you would most like to fill up his throat with dicks?
Ass, probably, first.
I'd start there.
Really?
You want to fill up your ass?
That is crazy.
That is kind of weird.
See, I try to go gay with y'all niggas,
and it's too much.
Okay, yeah.
Now you've got it, obviously.
Tarek.
He's the cutest.
I'm going Tarek.
Close enough.
Yeah, yeah, Tarek.
I'm upset.
Or Jimmy.
Or Mr. Beast himself.
He's a star fucker.
I'm just saying, bro.
He's got all the technology, bro.
He's got all the technology.
He's mad tall.
He already planned
to leave you, Sean.
You're trying to concentrate, bro.
Go to Mr. Beast.
I'm just saying, he might be the hottest.
He's got all the technology.
He's got all the connections.
You think that Jimmy's better looking than Tark?
With the technology, yes.
You're out of your mind.
With the technology.
You're out of your fucking mind.
Objectively, you think Jimmy is better looking.
He's really trying to go to the 18.
Dick rider.
No, you dick rider.
You don't have a dick when I'm riding it.
There will be no dick there.
I'm flip riding.
You don't know. Sometimes they I'm riding it. There will be no dick there. I'm flip riding. You don't know.
Sometimes they like to keep it like a fin.
I think, I think.
If he did it as a challenge video, I think he's got it.
Bro, should they all?
He's salivating.
You saw it.
You saw it.
I'm not lying.
I'm talking about this hard-looking Nolan, bro.
I don't know what to say right now, man.
I'm getting a little nervous.
So who are you liking?
Dude, Nolan is beautiful. He's getting a little nervous. So who are you liking? Dude, Nolan is beautiful.
He's a pretty little bitch.
Yes.
The easiest one
that could transition.
I put Nolan in a sundress,
walk him down a half.
Dude, it's over, bro.
We collected.
$1,500 a night,
easy with that.
Now, Tariq is a little bit
more exotic.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's a little bit more exotic.
Yeah.
And I feel like, look at that. That's bad pictures. Yo, you a hater, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a little bit more exotic. Yeah. And I feel like, look at that.
That's bad pictures.
Yo, you a hater, bro.
He is, he is.
No, you a hater for real, bro.
You like this one?
You like when he brings you cash?
Nah, get him in a nurse outfit, because that's what he's transitioning to.
Wait, which one, which one?
Down, no, down to the left.
Down to the left, left, left, left.
Damn, how do you spot that out?
Come on, son, I got that.
Right there, go that.
Come on, to the left.
Oh, this one?
Yeah.
Oh, shit. Come on, son. Oh, wow. Yeah, that's General Hospital. That's Genital Hospital right there, bro. I got that. Right there. Go that. Come on. This one? Yeah. Oh, shit.
Come on, son.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, that's general hospital.
That's genital hospital right there, bro.
Let's go.
Wow.
Fine thoughted, yo.
Now, my question is, is Mr. Beast going to sponsor the final surgery if Chris elects to do it?
I think they should do it as a video.
They should do last person take their hand off the dick wins it.
And they all put their hands on the dick.
And then the last one gets to keep it.
I think that would be cool camaraderie if he chooses to do post-op surgery.
I think that's fine.
What do you think about that?
What is your perspective on that?
They get to keep the dick.
That's cool.
We got it.
We got it.
Barbers are Orlando too long.
Every time he goes back, what do you think about that challenge? What do you think about that? Barbers in Orlando too long. Every time he goes back, what do you think about that challenge?
What do you think about that challenge video?
I think Nolan would win.
That's what I think.
You think Nolan would win?
I think Nolan would win.
Why? What is your reasoning?
He looks like he would hold the dick the longest.
Nolan does.
Yeah, yeah.
Wow, we're really putting gay on Nolan a lot right now.
I didn't get those vibes at all.
No, I thought it's just he's so soft.
Yes, elf is very close to fairy.
That's a great point.
If we're thinking about Mythical Beasts,
the elven people and the
fairies definitely closely
related. Y'all are forgetting Carl, though.
Nah.
We ain't forget.
Damn.
Damn. I'm kidding, Carl.
You're kidding.
But that's the bestie. Carl's cute, bro.
But that's the best compliment.
He's adorable.
Like, you're the least trans of the group.
Yo, look how cute Carl is.
Go back to that one right there and zoom in on Carl.
Look how adorable Carl is.
That's what I'm saying.
He's a little cutie patootes.
But can you pull up the dude that's actually transitioning?
Because you had a picture of him.
Yo, but that's no fun.
That's no fun to talk about him.
No, but to see the before and after.
Oh, the before and after.
It's working, bro.
Yo, these medications.
Yo, can we give these meds to girls that are kind of ugly?
Yeah, you got it.
I know.
I mean this sincerely.
Before we address this picture, hold on one second.
Hold on.
Now, we saw that, right?
Can we give?
There are medications, right, that we can give to men, biological men, and they become prettier versions of themselves.
What is stopping us from just giving these medications to uglier women and them becoming prettier versions of themselves?
Rounding up the fours.
That's it.
Make them eight.
I'm asking the seriousness.
Like a real dog?
That's genius.
Thank you, bro.
I'm transitioning to a fine bitch. Why can? That's genius. Thank you, bro. That is.
Fantastic idea.
I'm transitioning to a fine bitch.
Why can't we do that?
Let's do that.
There's some dudes that need to just offer that up to shorties.
Like, right there.
Yo, I love you.
I love you, but you're a regular.
Yeah, you've got to get your HRT.
Come on.
Let's get you on the PEDs.
I mean, look what just happened to Chris.
Look how beautiful Chris is compared to when he was a guy.
Come on, yo.
Come on, yo.
Go back to when he's a girl.
Pretty little librarian.
Come on, yo.
That right there?
Al, come on.
You were born in three or four of them.
Come on, now.
You want to let him suck that thing? Come on, Al., I can't do it.
You want to let him suck that thing?
Come on, Al.
At a house party in Fort Rock.
Stop it, stop it, stop it.
Don't be hateful.
House party in Fort Rock.
Don't be hateful.
Come on, bro.
House party in Fort Rock.
It's great.
He's still transitioning.
With the headband.
He got a little more to go.
He got a little more to go, but the headband looks adorable, Amish.
Yeah, the fit is fire.
You know how he could churn that butter?
You're not going to let him churn that butter.
Come on, Al.
Come on, Al.
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second
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Peace.
All right.
Shout out to Mr. Beast and Mrs. Beast.
Come on, Al.
That's fucked up.
Why is that fucked up?
How do you call her Beast, bro?
He's a beast. She's not up. Why is that fucked up? How do you call her Beast, bro?
He's a beast.
She's not married to Mr. Beast.
So he's just calling her a beast.
Women can be beasts, bro.
No, he's talking about the future, whoever Mr. Beast marries.
Mr. Beast got a girl, bro.
Yeah.
Oh.
I thought we were talking about this.
No, no. No, shout out to his family.
Why would you jump?
When I say beast, why would you just jump to Chris?
Yeah. Why'd your mouth water like that too?
That was so weird.
You got to chill out, Al.
You were really on one today.
Let's just move on.
Yeah.
Let's just move on.
All right, what else we got?
Try not to give him all the work.
Can you talk about the Mario movie?
Yeah, did you see that?
Oh, yes.
Did you see that Mario movie?
I did see the Mario movie.
Did anybody else?
Dove saw it.
I saw it.
Shifty saw it.
Shifty saw it.
You guys didn't see it at all.
No. Shifty saw it. Shifty saw it. You guys didn't see it at all. No.
Shifty!
So, I'm right now.
I'm right now throwing my hat in to play Waluigi.
Literally.
I think God did that for you, to be honest with you.
You might be right.
You might be right about that.
God threw your nose in the ring.
You might be right.
That was Jesus, bro.
But I would like to play Waluigi in the Mario Brothers 2 movie.
I say Mario, not Mario.
You said Mario a couple times.
Nah, but he like-
And you said Borat.
I say Borat.
He got money now.
But I say Mario.
Oh, you said Borat or some shit.
Borat.
Borat.
I say Borat.
Yeah.
Borat.
It's supposed to be Borat. Borat. Borat. But New Yorkers say Borat. Nah, we. Borat. I say Borat. Yeah. Borat. It's supposed to be Borat.
Borat.
But New Yorkers say Borat.
No, we say Borat.
I say Mario.
It's Mario.
Do I say Mario?
You say Mario sometimes.
It don't matter.
Whatever.
It's the Mario brother.
Listen.
This movie.
There we go, Shiffy.
So this movie.
First of all, great.
A lot of fun.
You were asking earlier.
You're like, is it a kid's movie
or is it one of those cartoons that's kind of like for adults like shrek shrek or zootopia yeah
right that has like a sophisticated plot line and also a childish one this is just for kids okay
this is just for kids but what i will say is this the way that they shoot it is really smart and
interesting because at times it turns into the video game.
Like they'll shoot something and then make it 2D
and you'll see the characters running across like a cityscape
and they have to jump on things and then go down, et cetera.
And there's a time where like Mario is learning
how to exist in the world and he's failing.
And it reminds you of when you first played Mario
and you're jumping off shit and learning the rules.
And I think they do a fantastic job. And then fucking, what's the Jack Black? and it reminds you of when you first played Mario and you were jumping off shit and learning the rules.
And I think they do a fantastic job.
And then fucking, what's the, Jack Black is sensational. He's great.
He makes the bad guy likable.
He's so good.
He's almost too good.
He makes Bowser likable.
And they do it on purpose where like,
you don't hate Bowser too much.
Like the movie is great for kids.
The bad guy's bad, but he's, like, more naughty than he is bad.
It's fun to take kids.
And it's also for an adult.
I went with Anissa as an F.
If you have that, go.
I mean, it was great.
And then it got over the whole accent scandal pretty well, don't you think?
Oh, yeah.
What was the accent scandal?
I'm sorry.
I mean, it was insulting to Italians.
They made Italians look like a bunch of goombas, right?
They're, like like eating pasta.
No, but before that, the scandal was like John Leguizamo and folks were saying like it's Chris Pratt playing, you know, they're white guys playing.
Why does Leguizamo care?
Is he Italian?
I don't know, he's Puerto Rican.
Because they want roles.
Isn't he Puerto Rican?
Anytime you see an actor complaining about, you know, representation, they just didn't get a role.
Yeah, but he's not Italian, right?
That's what confuses me. Yeah, that's weird.
I've never seen him on... Yeah, he's Puerto Rican.
But wasn't he Mario or Luigi
in the old, old one? Yeah, you shouldn't have been that shit
either. Oh, so he... That's
hysterical. Yeah, I think he's just mad
because he wanted to play a role. They didn't ask him to run it back.
Yeah, but in general, the Italian
stuff, they got over it that they played it
cliched in a commercial, and so they were making fun of that.
Well, they also, when the family dinner was there, but whatever.
It's not that bad.
I mean, like, one, Italians have a good sense of humor about this shit, but also, like, Chris Pratt and then the guy, Charlie, is that his name?
Charlie Day.
Yeah, Charlie Day.
He's great.
Always sunny.
So Charlie Day plays Luigi, and they're great, and then Sebastian Maniscalco plays this guy Spike
and he's great he like pops in
in a few different scenes he's fucking hilarious
and it's just a really fun movie
did you wish Mario's voice was more
like quintessential Mario
he's a me Mario
he plays that up
so it's actually
so the commercial is really good
I don't want to give away too much of a movie,
but basically they put out a commercial
because they're trying to, you know,
get attention for their plumbing business.
And they put on these, like, mock Italian voices.
So,
and then they acknowledge it.
They go, did we go too far with the voices?
So the characters are acknowledging
that they're not going to speak in that way,
but they did for a certain reason.
Yeah, that was smart
yeah it was really smart
so they get around it
but it's just a fun
fucking movie
and obviously we grew up
with these video games
they wrapped around
our whole childhood
and like you'll see
little things in it
like you'll see a Yoshi
pop up
and you'll be like
oh that's it
but it's not too much
that's cool
you know like
Toad is cool
Miles brought it up to me
that like they were
doing screen tests
with the Mario accent
as like the traditional
Mario accent
for all the dialogue.
Yeah.
And that it was uncanny and kind of weird.
It fits for little taglines like, wahoo.
Yeah.
They kept that.
An hour and a half of that, I was just thinking, that would give me a headache.
Yeah.
Also, this is Japanese people's idea of what Italians are.
Yeah.
It's racist as hell.
Yeah.
Video games were racist back in the day.
Mario was based on a super that was at a building in New York with the Japanese execs.
Yeah.
There was something around that, right?
This is what we think Italians are.
Just like if you watch Mike Tyson's Punch-Out.
Every one of those characters is racist as hell.
This is back in the day where you could kind of be incredibly stereotypical in video games because they didn't have exposure.
Yeah, but they also looked at them as an extension of cartoons.
So if you watch old cartoons, they didn't have time to explain the complexity
of characters. They'd just be like,
okay, here's brown guy. Sim Sim
Salabim.
Johnny Quest. Exactly.
Haji, yeah.
So, I don't know. I thought it was
like fun and cool.
My wife, obviously
different generation
than me. And I don't think she grew up really playing
the games as much like she played mario kart yeah there's even an homage to mario kart in it
which is kind of fire and um so yeah i just thought it was cool like i would recommend you
go see it but set your expectations at this is a kid's movie that you're gonna watch not
this is utopia and it's going to describe complex racial dynamics.
Everyone go to Illumination and Instagram and petition for Schultz to be a warrior.
Is there a Waluigi in this one?
No.
There's no Wario, no Waluigi.
I think that you bring those characters in later.
Yeah.
The whole world's being created.
This is Illumination that did Despicable Me, Minions.
What else did they do?
They did Sing.
Sing.
What is the other thing with Minions? The guy, Gru.
Oh, that's Despicable Me.
You think you have what it takes to be Waluigi, bro?
I think I do. I'll be honest with you guys.
I've never seen
him in a game.
I've never played with him.
I didn't even know who Waluigi was until the internet started saying I look like Waluigi.
I didn't know what the character was
because I never played him.
We were out of video games
at that point, I think, or out of Mario at least.
But not in the old Mario Karts.
I think he might have been
in the old ones. I don't think so.
We mess with Yoshi a lot. Not in our Mario Kart.
Wario?
You couldn't even be Wario in the old Mario Kart.
It was just Yoshi, Mario, Luigi, Princess, Toad, Bowser.
All right.
Well, obviously voice acting takes more than just looking like him.
You've got to sound like him.
Let me see what he sounds like.
Waluigi time.
Waluigi time.
That was really good.
Yeah.
That was really good.
Yeah, you got it.
That's the jump, bro. Okay. Keep going. Next good. Yeah. That was really good. Yeah, you got it. That's the jump, bro.
Okay.
Keep going.
Next one.
Wow.
Wow.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
It's uncanny.
You do that noise already, actually.
I've heard that noise.
What I do is called 39.
That needs a little work. It needs a little work. That needs a little work.
It needs a little work.
It needs a little work.
Does he got words, yo?
I don't think so. I don't know if I want this roll.
I don't know if I want this roll, yo.
Go.
Waluigi time.
You're back at one.
Waluigi time.
This is done, bro.
If that's all I got to say, they got to give me this role immediately.
I want three million.
You want Pedro Pascal for Wario.
I mean, what are they doing that because of the SNL?
He did that in the movie.
I think he did in SNL, right?
Yeah, I mean, he's just on fire right now.
So absolutely.
He's the best, dude.
That is the power of having an impactful role.
And endearing an impactful role is that people take the relationship that you have in the show and they superimpose that onto who you are as a man.
Yeah.
So we look at superheroes as that in real life.
Yeah.
People think Michael B. Jordan can box, right?
He's still on that smoke.
Yeah, he's not happening. Pedro Pascal, we think,
is like the sweetest, kindest man
that just cares for an orphan girl
and he's gonna look out for her,
which he may be.
Yeah.
But we truly believe he would risk his life
for this girl.
And I wonder if,
as you're crafting an actor's career,
you look at a guy like Leonardo DiCaprio,
I wonder if there's like specific things that they're taking so that you can like create this archetype for who this imaginary
person is. For sure. Like I bet you like villain roles will come up after you have like a hot role
and they're like, no, we can't. We can't do it right now because we're still building his character.
As like a leading man. Is he brave? Yes. Is he willing to sacrifice himself? Titanic? Yes,
he's willing to die. Is he, or I think it was Romeo and Juliet as well,
he's willing to die for his love.
Okay, now women are like, that man's willing to die for me.
I want a man who will love me in that way.
Okay, now you need to put him in something,
I mean, we're fast forwarding,
but it's like, we need the love role on the beach.
Women just want all of them, the beach or whatever.
Then you have, you go later in his career,
you look at a movie like Inception.
Here's like a sophisticated guy who's smart.
Fear and loathing.
He's got to be a crackhead or some shit.
Was he in Fear and Loathing?
I think so, right?
No, no, no.
That was Johnny Depp.
Oh, fuck.
Johnny Depp, yeah.
Johnny Depp is another interesting one.
He went through for more weird roles.
Yeah, artsy stuff.
Yeah, and it stopped us from looking at him as a person,
and we look at him more as a character.
Johnny Depp feels like an extension
of all his characters,
where Leo is like,
no, you're just playing Leo as the Titanic person.
Right?
Yeah.
Like, yeah, I wonder if as like a manager
or an agent, you're thinking of that.
Like with Timothee Chalamet,
what are they doing right now?
Like, what's the plan?
We're like, okay, you're Dune,
you're gonna save the universe,
everybody's gonna love you. are they doing right now? Like, what's the plan? We're like, okay, you're doing, you're going to save the universe. Everybody's going to love you.
What's the next move?
I heard a Will Smith mapped out his entire career before.
What did he do?
Like he had a very specific, like, I'm going to do a buddy cop movie.
And then I'm going to do an alien movie.
And it was more genre specific.
But like, apparently he had everything mapped out of this is how I'm going to become.
Because once you get control, you got to be specific.
It's like he did Independence Day. He saves the world.
Yeah. Okay? Now you go,
I'm save the world guy. Yeah.
I need to be
save the world guy and leading man guy.
Yeah. So what's the next project
that allows me to do that? I need to
be save the world guy and get the
baddest bitch in the room guy.
So all the women realize that I'm a
heartthrob and they gotta love me.
It's like carefully
curating that.
So you know what Chalamet has coming out? Talk to me.
Dune 2, but then
Wonka. He's gonna play a young
Willy Wonka and it's a story of how he met
the Oompa Loompas. So here's an interesting
one. So here's the thing about
that.
This is the thing about that. I thought they were trying to make
Timothee Chalamet the next Leonardo
Caprio. And that
is a Johnny Depp move. And I'm not
saying that because Johnny was Willy Wonka. What I'm saying
is he's going to play a character that removes
himself from what we think
he is. Like right now we think
Timothee Chalamet is a little piece of the guy
he's playing in Doom and a little piece of the guy he's playing
in the rom-coms or whatever he did this is a character now we start to be a little bit uh
blurry in terms of who he is which might work if he wants to play these character pieces yeah i
think it's that he's a theater kid from new york he was he was in wes anderson's french dispatch
like he likes these roles dicaprio so works with the same five directors. Drama, drama, drama, drama, drama.
So you look at it.
This is interesting.
Like you look at a guy like Denzel, which has also been carefully crafted.
Yeah.
And like obviously there's going to be certain opportunities that are provided to him or certain opportunities that he can have.
And he has to kind of like earn in a different way than a white actor.
Go.
Miles has a story about Denzel.
What was it that they – Can I just get this point out real quick so it's it's like like
for example he's gonna play a famous black person yeah right he's gonna play the racial movie stuff
as well i think what was it called uh glory exactly right and it's almost like here are the
opportunities for black actors at this time you're're going to either play a super famous black guy or a black guy in this role where like a white guy was like really good to black people at a time where he should have been mean.
But he exceeds and he kills it, right?
And then they have to go, okay, how do we make him just superstar?
How do we not make him black superstar, just superstar?
They did that with Will,
and they did that with Denzel brilliantly. How do we make him heartthrob? Because there was a time
where everybody would talk about Denzel as the best looking man on the planet.
Decades.
Right? He was number one. He was, I think, GQ's the hottest guy or whatever like that.
How do they do that? Yes, he's a handsome guy, but it's more than that.
That's where managers really get their cut, right?
Like if you're like crafting that shit, like Will Smith fumbled with the Matrix.
Like he was supposed to be Neo and then did Wild Wild West instead. But that's the thing.
It's like Will Smith, different than Denzel, is they always based his, they called it, he would do event films.
So a big Christmas movie or Thanksgiving and a Christmas and a big suburb box office.
Yeah, Mr. Fourth of July. films so a big christmas movie or thanksgiving and a christmas and a big suburb block yeah mr
fourth of july and the goal for him to get to is he was one of the three people that were offered
the top role in whatever movie first it's brad pitt will smith dicaprio like dicaprio would be
third like will smith i said this before was offered inception before dicaprio and just didn't
get it in the same way so that's just kind of like you get to that level. It doesn't matter race, this or that.
It's just like I need to –
What is your draw?
I'm box office.
Give it to me and let me see, and that's why it kind of looks a little –
The Timothee Chalamet one seems weird though.
What's that?
Him going and trying to get the Oompa Loompas.
Yo, because I can't imagine that shit's going to be good.
I think it's just because we look at him like, oh, he's clearly going to go like like the heart guys he's going from that and now he's in pre-production where's he gonna
get the oompa loompas that's what i'm worried about haven't read it but then he's gonna go
and be bob dylan these kids and then he's gonna go super method actor bob dylan and he's gonna
sing bob dylan songs so timothy and his people think that he's johnny dip not that he is that
but they like that career trajectory where Johnny played
certain famous people.
I think Johnny played
Whitey Bulger.
Remember?
Yeah.
That famous Boston
Irish gangster
or something like that.
And Johnny went
and he played
whatever Tim Burton
wanted in the play.
But it was also
Bonnie and Clyde.
Wasn't there a
movie that he did
where there were
like bank robbers
back in the day?
Or wasn't it the Romeo and Juliet remake?
Oh, he did the Romeo from Romeo and Juliet, yeah.
So maybe that's where Timothy is going with the career.
And that's what you would do
if you want to really flex your acting.
If you want to be superstar,
you want to go do what Leo did.
We kind of got to fall in love with Leo.
That's what Brad Pitt did.
That's what George Clooney did.
That's what Denzel did.
That's what Denzel did,
where you kind of play a version of yourself.
It's a little different in every one,
but we're going there for you.
Yeah.
It's like-
Maybe he thinks he can't do it with Spider-Man dude
also going that same route.
Oh, shit.
No, okay, you're tapping in on something here.
This is like upper echelon Hollywood chess play, right?
You want a certain career.
You also have to recognize there are other people
that are going up for the same roles as you.
And you look at what you can do
and you look at what a guy like Tom Holland can do.
So you and your management have to go,
we could fight for every role of Tom Holland
and probably lose because he's attached
to these massive Marvel franchises
and he's a global name.
Or you could go the artsy route.
Tom can't do that. Or maybe he can or can't, we don't know. But that's not what he's a global name. Or you could go the artsy route. Tom can't do that.
Or maybe he can or can't.
We don't know.
But that's not what
he's going to be asked to do.
You go the artsy route.
You become Johnny Depp
and then you be known
as the thespian.
Let him be the Marvel superhero.
Method or some shit.
Yes.
I think that's what they're doing.
But that's like a convo
where you got to sit down
with a fucking 19-year-old kid
and be like,
what do you want to be seen as?
Yeah.
That's crazy. That's tough to do. Have to be seen as? Yeah, that's crazy.
That's tough to do.
Have you heard of the Matt Damon, Ben Affleck thing?
Mm-mm.
Where like, so Matt Damon and Ben Affleck
are both brilliant guys.
They created Good Will Hunting.
They've created plenty of other movies since.
We look at Ben as the jock
and Matt as like the smart, sophisticated one.
Yeah.
Misunderstood maybe, but smart, sophisticated.
I think Matt did go to Harvard, but also that's who they played in the film that created our idea of them.
Right.
So the roles that Ben has gotten offered fit that mold of a guy who's kind of like a tough guy.
He might be smart, but he's like a tough guy, jock.
Great in Boston. Yeah. And then I think he's like a tough guy. Green, Boston, yeah.
And then I think Matt gets to do talented Mr. Ripley.
Yeah, exactly.
I'm sure people are writing the movies and they're like,
you know who would be perfect for this?
Yes.
The guy that made me feel that way when I watched Google Hunting.
Yeah.
Yeah, what happens ultimately, though,
once a director and an actor fall in love,
you have Johnny Depp and Tim Burton, eight movies together,
Leo and Martin Scorsorsese five movies together so like the the battle it stops being a battle
with tom holland and chalamet once like i mean if chalamet's guy uh denis villeneuve who also did
sicario if he then after dune wants to do another like they'll work together forever and it's like
find your muse, keep going.
You know what's interesting, though?
I'm actually curious about your guys' thoughts on this.
Do you like seeing a new actor
that you don't know anything about in a movie,
or do you like seeing a known actor
play somebody who you know he isn't?
It depends if they're archetyped.
Like, if they're in the role that they were before,
and then the mental, like, friction is much less,
because they're playing similar roles.
Like, if all of a sudden you put, like, Joffrey
in, like, a leading man where he's super charming,
I'm like...
You're like, what's going on?
This is too much for my brain.
That's the big barrier to entry.
Yes, that's how I felt about Ben Stiller in Tower Heist.
The movie Tower Heist is supposed to be kind of grounded and serious.
And Ben Stiller is such a brilliant comedic actor in silly, absurdist films.
So I couldn't take him being serious in this grounded comedy.
Every time he was talking, I was like, wait, is this sarcastic?
What's going on here?
That's interesting.
I actually like when they do that.
Well, you know, because I like to see the lead though.
Well, this is, this is interesting.
All right.
Here's your inside baseball.
It was going to be Eddie.
That's Eddie's movie.
Eddie's supposed to be the lead and the fucking movie theater, the movie, the movie studio
wouldn't finance it.
Tower Heist?
They were like, we don't believe that he can draw.
And you know what the movie was going to be called?
Trump Heist. And then
Trump wanted 10 million for the name and they
wouldn't pay it. Wow.
But like when Jim Carrey, he did that
serious role.
Oh, Eternal Sponge.
I thought that was amazing.
Also, what was the other one where he's
fantastic? He did great and I was like
surprised. Everything everywhere. That was like... I was like surprised because of everything everywhere.
It's like, hmm.
I had never seen him
in a serious role.
Did you ever watch Truman Show?
That was his big
break from comedy
first series.
Oh, yeah.
But still, it was funny.
But I remember that
being a big deal.
I remember that being
a big deal of,
yo, Jim Carrey's
breaking away from comedy.
He's going to do a drama.
And when they used to do it
back in the day,
Robin Williams would do it.
It'd be a big deal.
We would be like,
oh, shit, this comedic actor is doing a drama. But I feel even to do it back in the day, Robin Williams would do it. It'd be a big deal. But he would be like, oh shit,
this comedic actor
is doing a drama.
But I feel even in that
he was still a little funny.
Yeah, he was waving
to the neighbors and shit.
He was silly,
but yeah,
you weren't laughing,
but he was like
a big comedian.
Eternal, what is it?
Eternal Sunshine?
Eternal Sunshine.
That shit was just
serious drama
and he killed that shit.
What about Steve Carell
and his dramatic roles?
He's fucking amazing.
He's great.
He's one that
crossed over perfectly.
That was great.
Super good.
Yo, but I think that he plays drama and comedy almost the same.
I just think it's situationally different.
So when he plays comedy, he's so funny because he's so serious.
He's not trying to be funny.
Like his character in The Office is not trying to be funny.
I am dead serious about this
and that's why it's hilarious. And I think
when he's being dramatic and the situation
causes for drama, he gets to be dead
serious about it. So I think it's
really the context of what's going on. I think that's
oftentimes why comedic actors can
transition into drama really well.
They're not trying. They were trying to
be dramatic when they were doing the comedy.
Because that's what I was going to say.
That's a point you bring up
about comedic actors in general.
They don't know they're being funny.
And that's why it's hilarious.
We're laughing at them.
Yeah.
So Steve Carell,
that would apply to all comedic actors
doing drama, basically.
The ones that are good.
I think that they can transition.
Now, I think that's why oftentimes,
I've said this before,
why stand-ups struggle with comedic acting
is because we're trying to say the funny thing when we're on stage.
And then when you're acting, you're not trying to be funny.
Yeah.
And I think we don't know how to do it.
Right.
You can't just say punchlines.
That's a good point.
All right, question for you.
The new movie, Air, came out.
Well, the only spoiler, which isn't a spoiler, is Jordan is not in the movie.
Great idea.
So that was actually decided because Ben Affleck thought it would be too distracting because here's the argument.
Who would play Jordan?
I bumped into Matt Damon the other day at the Cellar.
He came out to watch a show.
And I said that specific thing.
I was like, dude, I think it's a great idea that you guys didn't put Jordan in the movie.
And his reaction was, yeah, the whole world would collapse.
He wouldn't believe what's happening because there's no one that can play Jordan.
It's like, you know how they've made those Michael Jackson movies and they just all feel weird?
Nobody can be Mike.
It's almost like you need Mike to be dead for 30 years.
I'm sorry, what do you mean they didn't put Mike in the movie?
They only used footage
of him in the movie. They did not cast an actor
to play it. There's no actor playing Michael Jordan. Oh, really?
I think that's smart. Who would you
be okay with it?
New actor, audition, a la...
Matt Damon.
He's really the only person.
I think maybe
CGI.
Yeah, I don't know. Or do the Looney Tunes version
do Space Jam
I don't know
it's a weird thing
but I think that
and I haven't seen the movie yet
but my understanding is that
his mom is kind of the star
and that was something that
they mentioned that
I don't think he's a producer on it
but Ben Affleck did consult with him
or at least mention a get a little head nod.
And he was the one that says, Viola Davis needs to play my mom.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
That's cool.
Dude, comedic actors being serious in that vein.
Did you hear what Dana Carvey said this weekend about when he was doing Master of Disguise?
No.
This shit, I was dying laughing.
So basically, Master of Disguise, he plays all these characters, right?
Yeah.
He plays infamously
the turtle guy
am I turtley enough
for the turtle club
I mean he looks like
every one of the turtles
that's in the new
Mario Brothers
it's insane
doesn't he
oh my god
what are they called
the little koopa
the koopa
or the goombas
so they filmed this
during 9-11
they're filming it
as 9-11's happening
so all of a sudden
they wrap the scene
as the turtle guy
and the director comes out he's like guys there's just been a tragedy in new york city oh god uh
the towers just fell it's a terrorist attack so we're actually going to do a moment of silence
for all the lives that were lost on 9-11 he's still in full makeup they all hold hands in a
circle on the set of turtley enough and they fucking do a moment of silence with the lip in
the shell on and he has to be fully serious.
Like, this is terrible what happened in this country.
As that guy.
Does he say anything during the silence?
No, imagine he just, what if he just goes in his shell?
He just hides away.
Bro, I couldn't believe it.
That they made him in costume have to be serious for a 9-11 trip.
I've never seen this. What's this?
Dana Carvey.
He's Wayne's world.
He plays Garth.
I haven't seen it.
I know of it.
He's on SNL for years.
He just plays
all these zany characters.
Not the actor.
I'm talking what movie.
The movie's called
Master of Disguise.
Basically, he's got to
steal back this thing
and he has to do
all these different disguises.
It's just an opportunity
for him to flex
all his characters.
Yeah, literally.
One of the most brilliant things about Beverly Hills Cop,
you know the movie,
is that, I don't know if they did this by design
or they just kind of lucked out,
but they created an opportunity for Eddie
to flex all of his characters.
So he was this detective,
and he got to use the character work
to extract information from people
and get access to certain places
that he wouldn't normally be able to get access to certain places that he wouldn't
normally be able to get access to, et cetera. And it was like a really smart way to bake a
comedian's talents into a role. Now this one, I haven't seen the movie, but maybe someone would
be like, okay, this is overkill. Like he's dressing as a turtle or he's doing this, but
what they're doing is, hey, he's so brilliant at all these characters. Let's find a way to use it.
I don't know if anybody had done that before ever, and it's like, you saw it done.
Chris Tucker, who I love, who's also in air,
but I remember watching, I think Rush Hour,
he's just doing the same thing that Eddie's doing,
where you're like, I gotta get access to this place,
so I'm gonna pretend to be this guy.
And it was so smart in Beverly Hills Cop they did that.
Every time I watch it, I'm like,
God damn it, how do they think of that?
I really wonder if they wrote it regular
and Eddie was like, hey,
why don't I pretend
to be a gay dude here? Why don't I pretend
to be an African
guy here? A health inspector or whatever the fuck.
Yeah. He hustles his way into everything.
Or if that was just part of the character.
But I think that's, I don't know,
if you're an executive, if you're a producer, if you're
even a writer, if you see a comedic talent you want to use that talent because that's the
expectation we all have yeah when we see uh was it uh chris farley right like you the one of the
cool things about seeing him in movies is like you got to see the reason he's funny in the movie yeah
like you're tuning in for that the Physical comedy, you mean? Physical comedy. He's fucking
turning flush and red and
he's emotionally unstable.
Show me that shit. The last thing I want is
to have an expectation of this character and
then you not deliver anything on it.
There was the...
I can't believe I'm fucking forgetting his
name. Swingers. Vince Vaughn.
Vince Vaughn was in a season of
that HBO show
True Detective
and he just played
a different type of character
that had no Vince Vaughn in it
yeah everybody hated it
I was so let down
yeah
and it's not an insult to Vince
but it's like
Vince I love you so much
being you
yeah
I was upset
I didn't get to
see you
I was tuning in
I feel like that happens
with certain people
Vince does it a couple times
he did Swingers he did Wedding Crashers he did the one where they had the frat house old school See you. I was tuning in. I feel like that happens with certain people. Vince does it a couple times.
He did Swingers.
He did Wedding Crashers.
He did the one where they had the frat house, old school.
Oh, yeah.
And then maybe one other movie. And then he kind of moves away from being slick, fast-talking, abrasive Vince Vaughn guy.
And then he starts playing more muted comedies.
Chris Tucker's another one.
I brought him up earlier.
I fucking worship Chris Tucker as a kid.
And then it seems like after Rush Hour, he's like, all right, I'll do Rush Hour 2. And then he just kind of stopped fucking worship Chris Tucker as a kid and then it seems like after Rush Hour
he's like alright
I'll do Rush Hour 2
and then he just kind of
stopped doing
the Chris Tucker thing
and as fans of this guy
you're like yo
I want to see you
keep milking that
yo
and then he just stopped
and you're seeing
apparently he's great in air
Ben Stiller's in love with him
which is cool
he was in
Silver Linings Playbook
he's good in that
but it's like yo
I wish I could've seen you
do a couple more movies as that
guy, as Chris Tucker, as Smokey.
Is it possible that
there's like a...
This is going to sound wild gay, but just roll
on me. Roll with me on this.
Is it possible there's like a
real artist in
them? Yeah. And that they're going,
ugh, I did this, and now you just
want me to mimic this thing I already did.
And the artist in me is going,
I want to be able to flex myself
in different ways and create new things.
And this just feels like I'm replaying the old shit.
I do think so, especially with Vince Vaughn.
Chris Tucker, the one thing I couldn't figure out is,
you guys have all seen Money Talks, right?
It's one of the best comedic performances I've ever seen.
I'm not even bullshitting.
Scene stealing.
If he's in it, you can't take your eyes off him. of the best comedic performances I've ever seen. I'm not even bullshitting. That scene, stealing. Everything,
like... If he's in it, unbelievable. You can't take your eyes off him. Dude, I,
you see him be funny with just his eyes.
Like, he fucking maximizes everything.
And then Rush Hour was like, oh, you're kind of
doing Eddie. You're Chris Tucker, but you're kind of
doing Eddie as Chris Tucker. But Rush Hour is still really good.
Yeah, it's great. But then the next movie
he does is Rush Hour 2, which is more of the same, and I was
like, I feel like you're not doing artistic stuff right now.
Yeah.
Brett Ratner's the director of Rush Hour, and apparently they would watch Eddie.
I've read this in a magazine 20 years ago, so if I'm wrong, fuck me.
But he's like, let's watch Eddie in Beverly Hills Cop, and let's get inspiration from that.
Oh, wow.
And it's like, yo, let Chris Tucker be Chris Tucker, yo.
Did you guys see The Fifth Element?
Yes.
So good. Call me, call me, baby. So, first of all, Fifth Element is just like a, yo. Did you guys see The Fifth Element? Yes. So good.
Call me, call me, baby.
So, first of all, Fifth Element is just like a really fun movie.
You gotta say it.
I know you haven't.
And it's like iconic Bruce Willis.
It's different.
It's like sci-fi-esque.
It's just kind of fun.
It's just a lot of fun.
Mila Jovovich or whatever her name is is fucking the hottest girl
on the planet.
Lilu. What is it? Lilu, yeah, yeah.
But
it just proves we don't need women to talk.
The girl can't
even speak English, but you're like, this is the most beautiful woman.
I will save you. He saves this girl
just because she's hot.
Chris Tucker is in it, and he plays
this extravagant what is he, like a host of a.
The host of the.
The music night or something like that.
Yeah, the music night, radio, like the whole thing.
But the confidence it takes for like pretty much one of your first roles.
Yeah.
To do that.
To have no fear.
He plays, he's like dressed in women's clothes.
He has like a woman's hairdo.
He's like flamboyant gay.
And I don't even know if he's gay because I think he's
going down on a girl in the first scene. Yeah, he's like hooking up
with a girl. It's supposed to be the future.
So he's just a wild like out there
kind of guy, but the confidence
it's not about the homosexuality thing.
It's more just like the confidence
to do that
in a place where like you're not even comfortable.
You haven't even been an actor yet, bro.
You've been doing 15 minutes on Def Comedy Jam and you stepped into this role.
Most people would freeze.
The guy got a crazy head.
He's like, hey, what's up?
Stealing the fucking scene.
You got to explain what it's like being on a set like that because I think people see the movie and they go, oh, yeah, he just did what he does.
It's 300 people, maybe even more.
They got shit to do.
They're setting stuff up for fucking hours.
You're waiting around doing nothing.
You get to film for a few minutes.
Yeah.
So the majority of the days, they're just setting up.
They want to move on to another scene.
Everything's running late.
Everybody's pushing your past the time.
Everybody's upset.
Everybody's worried.
Everybody's flustered.
You're like, most people are just going, I need to get these lines right.
To come in there.
Yeah.
And just be that big and own it.
Unreal.
Having no clue.
Like maybe he was a theater kid.
I don't know.
Not that I know.
Not that I know.
But like just to know where you are with the blocking.
Yeah.
He's just owning the room and everything.
And I remember like,
I remember after doing acting,
thinking about him in that and being like, this guy is either ignorance is bliss or a combination of just like a true savant, like looked at the whole scenario, understood what it was and just going to go out there and get it.
Or the luckiest person I've ever seen.
Because if you're big and snappy and doing all that shit and it fails a few times, please believe.
Yeah.
We got to get him on a pod.
Bro, that would be awesome.
Yo, first of all, Bumass City's tour is still going strong.
April 20th through 22nd.
I'm going to be in Denver, Colorado at Comedy Works Comedy Club,
one of the best clubs in the country.
I cannot wait to be there.
You're not a bumass city, but after that,
May 3rd, East Providence, Rhode Island.
May 10th, St. Louis, Missouri.
May 11th, Kansas City, Missouri.
All those dates and more at AkashSingh.com.
And before you go, guys, I'm getting my own shoe.
I might be the first Indian with his own shoe ever.
Don't fact check me on that because I probably am wrong, just like I was about Gandhi's wife's age.
But don't worry about it.
This is from a company called Novella.
They hit me up during the pandemic.
They said they really love my comedy, and they make shoes for artists that they fuck with. And they only make 2020 pairs because we signed the deal in 2020. And it's a customized shoe that has all kinds of like little details from my life. The insole is even the flagrant background from Miami. There's a lantern on there for the Village Lantern where Andrew and I came up doing comedy. So if you want to get these shoes, they're called The Lion.
That's my last name.
Sing means lion.
Novella, 2020.com slash The Lion.
Cop some pairs before they sell out.
Love y'all.
Thank you guys so much.
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because, listen, this summer, you're going to need some tickets, okay?
Your boy, back out on tour.
We're doing it.
Summer, keeping it sexy. You might be late to get tickets, and then what's going to happen? You're going to have to find a place to
get them, and SeatGeek has got your back. And if it ain't me, it's Akash, Taylor Swift. You're
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Now let's get back to the show.
All right, guys, you've seen the lights.
You already know what time it is.
It's back getting crack season.
It's spring.
Spring upon us.
Time to drench them.
Time to glaze them.
Time to hit parts of the body
that you've never hit before.
Time to go where hopefully no man has gone before.
Time to reach.
Okay?
Time to stretch.
It's blue chew.
Blue chew. Got your girl Chew. Blue Chew.
Got your girl's back. Got your back.
Sticky. Might be you
sometimes. Might be on your tummy. You don't know
what it is. You don't know what type of pull-out
position you're going to be in. Dick flops up,
shoots, hits you on the bottom of your chin. It is what
it is. These are casualties of a dice
game, fellas. Point is,
you can get it for free. Same active
ingredient that's inside Viagra, Cialis,
but this is the chew. This is the one that we rock with.
This is the best on the planet.
BlueChew.com. You get your first month
free. All you got to do is pay $5 shipping. What a
deal. Make sure you use that promo code
flagrant when you do it, though. BlueChew.com.
Promo code flagrant. Rick Rubin talks
about that, where he's like, you got to either
be, like with rules, like rules bring
you up to mediocrity like rules will make you average
if you understand the rules so you either gotta not know the rules
and be ignorant like you're saying or be such a
master of the rules that you know how to break them
and then that takes hella years
but like if you can be on either end of that that's where you're
like making big breakthrough magic
can I tell you something
on that specifically this is why
I've been acting
I didn't have the confidence to just break these
fucking rules without no like pretending to be ignorant like i'll be i'd be intimidated by
certain situations but i was like no i want to get the most out of this i want to get this
and in situations where like a director was really supportive of me i knew i could do whatever i want
because i felt that support but i've also been in situations where i didn't even know if they
gave a fuck and i was like i don't want to ruin this for everybody. And I felt myself melt. Right. So I
was like, okay, I have to get good enough at this and understand this enough where I know where I
could go and where I know I could pull back how I could try my little shit in a safe enough place
where if they liked it, they'd be like, yo, do that, run that back again, just pass the rules
enough because you already know where they are. Exactly. So I had no clue where the fucking the fucking rules were so i was and then i was just going to do my thing and if it
didn't work i was like did i just fuck this up for everybody what what's the whole situation
you know it yeah it's a really good way of looking at know the rules so well you got to be a lawyer
like i or like an accountant like i know the tax code so well yeah that we could get freaky with it
yeah or you got to be completely you got to walk in like a rapper smoking weed.
All right, where you want me?
And then you could say whatever you want.
Nobody could really be that upset.
Yeah.
That's a good way of putting it.
Yeah, it's interesting.
Just in life in general.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because you see people.
That's Borat.
Borat pretends he doesn't know the rules.
Bro, you heard how he just said that?
You heard how he just said that?
Everyone heard that.
That's Borat.
Everyone heard that, bro?
That's Borat.
Come on.
No, but that is Borat, though. He can't even say it right. He's trying to say it right.
That is Borat, though, because he just pretends he doesn't know the rules of America. And Americans,
for the most part, are like, hey, buddy, it's okay. I'll kind of teach you the rules.
We let you get away with it. Yeah. I think he set that kid up to try to suck Dalai Lama's tongue, bro. Yo, honestly?
That was a Borat sketch, bro.
If that was...
Imagine.
Shout out
Sacha Baron Coleman.
Like, I think he sucks,
but if he actually did that
on purpose,
I'm like, all right,
that was a good one.
You got one.
But yeah, it's like,
you ever see someone do stand-up
for like the first couple times
and they're doing shit
that's like high level
and they don't even know it
because they don't know the rules?
Like, they're just like
stumbling into like great premises or like a
big laugh and then once they kind of know the rules it'll go down yep and then you got to do
10 years to on to know the rules just to push past it bro yeah that's so true there's a genius
in not knowing sometimes so i'll look i look back at some of my oldest premises yeah and i was like
these are fire yeah i just didn't know how to make them
work. Yeah. And I think the reason why it dips down is because the level of difficulty to execute
that, think of it like a dive, you know, there's different levels of difficulty for a dive,
right? You want to do six different flips or whatever like that. That's like the highest
level of difficulty. The ideas you have organically walking through society might not really be hacky they might but you might just have this crazy wild idea
and then trying to make it funny you're like i can't do that yeah but the idea is pure because
it's not derivative or it's not derivative of anything you know what i also want to do is take
bits that worked in year five redo them deconstruct them and be like the premise is good but now i'm a
better comic can i make this joke match where I am now comedically?
And then it's like a good premise that worked
when I was year five, and we got real comedic whatever behind it.
I think you see it in all art.
I think rappers do that, like musicians.
They'll come out with some mixtape that's crazy
because they don't even understand what they're doing.
And then people tell them, oh, yeah, you should do this.
And they give them all the structure,
and then it kind of fucks up, like fucks with their head.
And it's like, I think what happens is when they experience some success, they feel a pressure to replicate that success.
And oftentimes in trying to replicate the success, you just replicate the thing that you did that got you successful.
And then it's derivative.
It's not pure anymore.
Yeah.
One is derivative.
There's impurity to it.
But also, there's not that same passion.
Yeah.
Because you're doing it for success instead of the love.
Yeah.
So, yeah.
And as much as you all want to trash the Beatles, I admire them trying completely new shit.
Knowing full well it could fail.
Yeah.
That's brave.
And they're like, yo, at least we love it.
And that's the game, is figuring out how you can do that new shit at the same level that you did the old shit that people loved.
Knowing full well when people hear it, they're going to be like, yo, this is not it.
Who's this Japanese bitch?
Because there was probably people that were like, nah, they're not what they used to be.
Yeah, when they were doing the Indian shit, like the psych rock,
they're like,
what happened?
They did too much drugs,
like they fell off.
Yeah,
someone is also,
I was talking to Miles
about this,
they broke up
when they were like 26.
Bruh,
that's crazy,
I didn't know that.
They stopped making music
as a group,
like I think,
like Paul was like 27.
26 was like old back then,
though,
you gotta understand
how time works.
If you actually do
break it down,
that's washed.
That's like a 50-year-old
really if you think about it.
Is that what they did
when they went to India, bro?
That's fucked.
Did Gandhi fuck them
into greatness?
He might have, bro.
He had that ability.
Gandhi might have fucked them
into greatness, bro.
That's amazing.
Yo, shout out Gandhi.
I don't know enough
about the Beatles.
How long were they on top?
They were like factory boys,
then they broke up.
From what I hear
from a white guy,
the 60s wouldn't have happened
if it wasn't for the Beatles. I don't know if that's a real thing. But the whole hippie Boys, then they broke up. From what I hear from a white guy, the 60s wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for the Beatles.
I don't know if that's a real thing.
But like the whole hippie era, the Beatles were the guys that ushered that in.
The whole hippie, live on the fuck, do all the drugs.
And I guess what he's saying is when the Beatles started doing all the psychedelics and making this weird music,
it opened up that whole world for people back when there was three TV channels and a couple records that you listened to and that was it.
So that's their impact.
But I thought they started
as like the cheesy
boy band group
that all the girls loved.
They did.
And then they broke up
and then did the
psychedelic route?
No.
I don't think they broke up.
They just changed their sound.
Like went to India
and like started doing
all these crazy new sounds
and they were just
the coolest motherfuckers.
Have you watched
the Get Back documentary
on Netflix or on Disney?
It's so good. It's like they're just wearing the coolest shit
and people now are like doing derivative shit of their new sounds like tame impala doesn't exist i
mean i don't know if and like you give a fuck about tame impala but like they are replicating
them like all these other musicians that exist now are replicating different eras of the beatles
and doing that differently like the fruit of what they created
is like untouchable.
Gotcha.
But when they switched their sound,
then people weren't fucking with it
or it was like hit or miss?
No, it was still huge.
It was still huge,
but I'm sure
anytime there's change,
there's going to be rejection
and pushback from some people.
The biggest change was Yoko.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
But that's the Asian bitch
that split them up.
Yeah.
But yeah, imagine NSYNC
starts doing crazy drugs
and then starts making like music
and like really fucking experimental sounds
and you're like,
yo,
this is art.
Don't you have to disrespect them?
Oh, Beach Boys,
that happened to them.
So they started as a pop girl.
That was music.
Okay.
But yes,
100% gay.
I get what you're saying,
yeah.
Yeah,
it's wild to have that type of pressure.
Also,
to be able to reject all the voices that are compelling you to create the same thing that was so successful because they rely on you economically.
Yeah.
Every one of the executives and producers, like for example, like some of those producers that know how to produce regular hokey boy band shit, they don't know how to do that Indian shit.
Yeah.
So they might be out of a job.
Yeah.
So they're saying,
are we sure we want to go in this direction?
You got everybody saying,
don't go in this direction.
Yeah.
That's unbelievable.
And that's where they lock themselves in a room.
Yes.
And they shut out everything.
They don't have the internet.
They can't see all the critics like every single day.
How different would it be
if you get constant tweets with negativity?
Yeah, it sucks.
It like disrupts the creative process.
Like I was talking to the dude,
he was the editor-in-chief of Complex
and he was talking about like the role of the critic
back in the day.
It's like back in the day,
there was such a pressure when you're buying an album.
You know what I mean?
Like you would buy a CD,
you would spend like the only money you have
when you're 15 years old,
go to the store, buy a CD.
And like every time you would skip,
it would fuck up your battery life
on your fucking Walkman.
So like there was a ton of pressure for like buying shit and you had an obligation to the audience to be like, Hey,
this is the shit you should put your money on and spend time with. And this is the stuff you
should reject. But now that everything's streaming, like the role of the critic is kind of like
phased out a little. Yeah. Because I feel that way with film for sure. Where like the critic's
job was to get you to hire a babysitter. Yeah. It was to get you to put on clothing and leave your home.
We don't really need a critic for a streaming show because the barrier to entry is so low.
I just press play in my underwear.
Like you told me Blackbird was great.
I watched Blackbird.
It was great.
But if it wasn't great?
If it wasn't great, I'd watch an episode and be like, yo, I didn't like it that much.
And I'd probably make fun of you.
But I wouldn't.
You know what I mean't like it that much. And I'd probably make fun of you. But I wouldn't.
You know what I mean?
No loss, yeah. Exactly.
But if you go to the movies, you put the whole shit on and do everything.
If you went, you go to Tower Records, you buy the fucking CD.
Takes you 15 minutes to unwrap that bitch.
Remember that?
Remember that?
Wrap it in the best plastic ever.
I remember buying the CD case cutter.
You know what I mean?
Like, that shit never broke once.
Just an old Boyz II Men fucking album. Just wrap that shit on broke once. Just an old Boys to Men fucking album.
Like, just rap that shit on your dick.
Jesus.
So, it's like, and then it sucks.
You're like, oh, hell no.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, you don't have the right to be that angry when you see something shitty on Netflix.
It's right there.
It's all free.
It's free.
It feels free.
It's right there.
You skip it, and then there's something else.
Yeah.
So, he was saying, like, the role has now turned to curation.
So just curate the stuff that you think is fire, and then put people onto that, and that's how you organize your audience, which is implicit criticism, but it's not direct.
It's not like, this is good, this is bad.
It's like, hey, here's all the fire shit.
And honestly, what a better life.
Oh, yeah.
Imagine being a critic where you feel like you're in some position to like
judge the art.
Yeah.
Especially with an art like comedy where it's like, we can hear the audience.
Yeah.
We don't need you.
Yeah.
Are they laughing?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like that's it.
That's the answer.
It's right.
There's one answer that's good.
It's laughter and they're laughing.
Right.
So, but I love this idea of
curation.
I tell my girl, I'm like, people really like
it when you're saying these restaurants that are out
there because they trust your taste.
And it simplifies their life in a way.
But she's not saying this place sucks.
She's just saying, here are the five best places.
And then those places will hit you up
and be like, hey, that really meant a lot.
We worked so hard on this place and you shared it. Just like we do. When somebody shares our stuff, and be like, hey, that really meant a lot. We worked so hard on this place and you shared it.
Just like we do. When somebody
shares our stuff, it's like, yo, thank you.
We fucking tried hard on this and for you to acknowledge
that, it feels good. That's what Noah was saying.
Back in the day, there was so much pressure that you know
someone poured their life into this and they got a producer.
Think about how hard it was to make a rap album
in the fucking early 2000s. There was a lot
of time and a lot of people put energy into it
for you to be like,
yeah, this shit sucks.
But you have an obligation to the audience
because you know
there's one kid
with one $10 bill
and he's going to buy one album.
So you had to kind of parse it
to where you were doing
it justice to them.
And now it's changed.
The power of the DJ.
The DJ is the curator.
Exactly.
Right, so.
Yeah.
But it is interesting.
That was like food blogs.
He was also saying
there's good criticism
and bad criticism.
Just saying something is trash
is bad criticism.
There's no thought put into it.
But if you're really deconstructing what someone's doing,
being like, these parts were amazing, these parts were lacking,
production on this wasn't that good, the beats weren't great,
but the lyrics were good.
He's like, that's the criticism that artists should consider.
I feel like critics went through a stage of they mattered,
and their voices really actually swayed people's opinion
or directed them what to do or say or watch. went through a stage of like they mattered and their voices really actually swayed people's opinion or like
directed them what to do or say
or watch and then
they started to matter a little less so then you would just
have the critics that just will shit on something
just for attention they're just trying to get
clicks bro and negativity is the
easiest way to get it now critics don't even matter like even for
this Mario movie the
what's it called the Rotten Tomato
yeah the Rotten tomato is like 50
percent how are they gonna compete with millions of people or hundreds of people vote is 98 percent
so right but and then and then it becomes the highest grossing cartoon movie in history for
their first weekend yeah opening weekend yeah so it's like yeah obviously you're gonna trust the
people because think about it it's like i don't know i don't know how often almost it seems like
rotten tomatoes critics you just go across whatever the political like if it's a left-leaning film, it's going to have a high critic score.
It just seems, we talked about certain comedy specials where it's like.
I think they, at this point, no one really cares about Rotten Tomatoes.
So it's like, hey, let's do something that's so against everybody else so everybody comes and clicks on our site.
Yeah.
Because are you going to check Rotten Tomatoes before you go see a movie?
Well, it just aggregates what critics say, right?
So it's just like critics 50% said it was good, 50% said it was bad.
Yeah, but it's like the same way how TikTok, all those views aren't real views.
I think it's just like, yeah, let's just make the critic score be this.
Okay, maybe.
Yeah, I don't know.
Because it would make you go,
I was like,
why is such a discrepancy
between these two shows?
But isn't it nice
that we trust the people?
Yeah.
Now we do.
Back in the day,
we used to be like,
oh, the people are just so dumb.
Oh, I guess it's trash.
Because you couldn't
aggregate the people.
Yeah, but I guess now
with the Rotten Tomatoes,
I trust the people score
over everything.
It's almost to the point
where if the critics give it 99,
I'm skeptical.
I'm like, you about to trick me to watch some corny-ass fucking movie with
an agenda. They got bought out.
Yeah, exactly.
That's interesting. And that's on the critics.
If you just
bolster shit
for political reasons
and then you trash shit
because it's going to get you clicks,
you eventually are going to lose
the faith of the audience.
And they fucking did.
Thumbs up, dudes.
Guess the Mario discrepancy.
Rotten Tomatoes score.
He said 50 and 98.
57 and 96.
There's no way.
He actually said the scores earlier.
Yeah, he just disappeared.
I just had to acknowledge.
Thank you.
I'm not half black.
I have to acknowledge, by the way.
He said Mario.
I think he thought it was a different movie.
I also acknowledge I was right about the ages of Gandhi's kids.
Damn.
Or when he had kids.
Oh, really?
I got mad long ago, bro.
Don't even bring that shit up.
I just need to acknowledge it, though.
She's older than him?
She's older than him.
She's older, but they didn't...
Listen, you've been trying to put kids on Gandhi
all this time, bro.
That's crazy.
That's the most disrespectful
thing you've ever done
as an Indian.
He got married at 15.
No, you said 13.
Yeah, I said 13
and she was 11.
Hold on, what?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
He was 13, she was 14.
And then when did they have kids?
How do you put 11 on that, man?
You are wild for that, son.
Disrespect, bro.
And then we're trying
to argue it too, bro.
Who signed you on?
Son, can you just hire a real Indian
to teach you shit?
God damn, bro.
Just hire a motherfucking 18.
India wouldn't even fact check me on that because they'd have been like, just let it
slide.
Let it slide.
What was the wrong tomato on her, though?
Fresh.
Certified fresh.
Damn, son.
That's crazy.
All this time, I thought he was fucking kids because you put that.
You put that thing in.
You really put that.
Yo, 11 is crazy.
He slept with the 13-year-olds and didn't have sex with them, which you refuse to believe,
Peter.
And then his wife, I guess, was 14.
But 15, that's a milf, bro.
That's like, you know what I mean?
Back in the day.
14 and 13, what's even the difference?
My point still stands. I was wrong. I's like, you know what I mean? Back in the day. 14 and 13, what's even the difference? My point still stands.
I was wrong.
I eat that, but the logic stands.
Nah.
I don't know, B.
How'd you feel about that argument?
It was 18, 19.
His first kid said,
you don't know shit about Gandhi, bro.
I got all them facts wrong, bro.
We gotta do a post-game with this.
We gotta do a post-game, bro.
I said, you don't know shit about shit.
I got all the facts wrong.
This is bad, bro. This is bad, bro.
This is bad, bro.
When Andrew was grilling you, how'd you feel?
I mean this sincerely.
No, no, no.
Listen, flagrant army.
If we got an Indian in India, and I mean like a real ass Indian that like learned all this
stuff about your country.
I mean this sincerely.
Burn this nigga at the stake.
No, no, no.
You need a DM.
Why you bring a stake, yo?
DM Prakash, and then you need to just be his chai information.
No, what is it?
Information wallet.
Information wallet.
You need to be his information wallet.
I will forget everything you tell me within two weeks.
No, no, stop with that excuse.
That's an excuse.
I read his book.
I read his autobiography.
Still got the shit wrong.
You didn't read that.
I did.
You didn't read that.
I read a book, an autobiography, and then a biography.
God still fucked it up.
No, you didn't. Why would I make that up? You need an earpiece then a biography. God still fucked it up. No, you didn't.
Why would I make that up?
You need an earpiece, bro.
You got to do
Impractical Jokers,
Indian style.
You're feeding you info
throughout the whole thing.
That I could use.
No, we need to just
have a conversation.
Y'all need to have
a conversation once a week
and just teach them
some Indian shit.
What'd you learn growing up?
I learned, I forgot, y'all.
What'd you learn growing up, bro? We just do your forgot, y'all. What'd you learn
growing up, bro?
Son, we just do your school
and then we're better at it.
That's what we do.
We do white school
and then we're better at it.
I don't think you know more
about American shit than me.
I'm not good at history.
Who's good at history?
White people.
That's all y'all are good at.
Yeah, yeah.
Glory days.
Because that's when we're popping.
That's true.
Y'all like the most
fucking peach in high school.
Keep talking about it.
Son, you are really
defensive right now.
Of course I'm defensive.
I'm trying to help you
learn some shit
about your country.
Listen, you can't
challenge his whole identity.
Why are you defensive?
I'm not challenging his identity.
You put an 11-year-old
on Gandhi's dick.
That's crazy.
You put a 13-year-old on him.
Who did?
You did.
I never said nothing.
I never said nothing.
I was going off what you said.
I never said nothing. You said he fucked 13-year-olds, I'm pretty sure. I never said nothing. I never said nothing. I was going off what you said. I never said nothing.
You said he fucked 13-year-olds, I'm pretty sure.
I never said that.
I said he fucked 11 after you said 11.
But I never said a single-
That was his wife.
That's based off the information you told me.
You said he had a kid at 13.
No, I said he got married at 13.
No, you said-
He got married at 13.
I said he had a kid at 15.
14.
I think I said 15, 16. I think you said 13. Run back to 10. No, you said, no, no, no. And then you said, I said he had a kid at 15. 14. I think I said 15,
I think you said 13,
right back to 10.
Whatever,
whatever.
My point is,
my point is,
my point is,
we need a,
we need a information wallah
and we need you to help
our boy Akash become
the greatest Indian
intellectual in history
and I promise you
he will remember
everything that you tell him.
Yes.
I won't,
but I,
let's go for it.
No,
he will. He's just never learned it initially. Now. Yes. I won't, but let's go for it. No, he will.
He's just never learned it initially.
Now he's going to learn it.
He's going to absorb it because it's in his blood.
It's in his skin.
It's in his brain.
It's in every fucking part of his body.
I like this part.
We're going to create the greatest fucking Indian in history.
Dr. Umar of Indians.
That's it.
You're going to be Indian Dr. Umar.
Do some of that red beer dye shit.
Yo, get the red beer.
You need to dye that fucking beer with the henna.
You need to get the henna
beer, son.
I'll do that.
I mean that shit.
I'll do that.
Honestly.
Now that I'll do.
Son.
I'm going to forget,
but we're going to do it.
No, no, no.
Don't put that out there.
Don't put that out there.
I'm telling you,
do not put that out there.
All right, fair enough.
You remember.
I'll remember.
You thoughtful ass motherfucker.
You don't forget
nobody's birthdays.
You don't forget
nobody's important events.
Okay? I don't know either one of their birthdays right now. But you would find out
before. Yep.
Okay. Okay. And you will be there.
I'm trying to build you up right now.
Stop disagreeing with me. What sign am I supposed
to be on? I appreciate that. I find out before.
I forget. Yeah, you're acting like a real girl
right now. Yeah, right? Put a red dot on his
motherfucker forehead.
Shubh is about to put a red dot on his forehead.
Akash?
Akash, you're going to be the greatest, bro.
You're going to be dreaming of Sanskrit.
You're going to be the greatest, but we need an information
wallah. Yeah, I would love that. Indians,
DM me. I'm going to pick
the right one. DM me.
Arrange it. I'm going to arrange it.
But also DM him, but also DM me.
DM all of us. We want the greatest
Indian mind
in all of
India. I don't want no American motherfucker.
I want to learn the Indian shit, the
propaganda y'all learn, all that
stuff. That's what I want to do.
I mean that.
I'm with it. Let's outsource it.
Let's outsource it let's outsource it
I love it
you gonna be Indian
my boy
alright let's go
Indian
let's go
riding the subway
on top
you know what I mean
you gonna be
Indian
okay
I'm not playing
Indian
alright
I'm with it
let's go
alright
let's go
how are the peptides
doing by the way
nothing bro it's not doing anything mentally no I'm with it. Let's go. All right. Let's go. How are the peptides doing, by the way? Nothing, bro.
It's not doing anything mentally?
No, I feel nothing.
Fuck.
So he's not selling this shit at all, bro.
I heard it takes a while.
I heard it takes a few months.
I'm waiting for him to...
I got to see results first.
I know, right?
Yeah.
Me too.
Damn near made Gandhi a rapist when we did the peptides.
Come on, bro.
I don't know if I can do this.
I'll be out here after one month of peptides saying Braveheart used to fuck English bitches.
Get it out, dude.
Get it out.
I can't do it.
I can't do it.
All right, man.
We got this, okay?
I'm with it.
I love this plan.
I believe in you.
Have you seen this?
This has been popping up.
This is ab implants for men.
Yo, apparently this is a $1.3 billion industry.
No, no.
1.3 million men went in for cosmetic surgery.
Now, I'd like to know what percentage of that is Botox
because I think that that's, as we predicted,
become incredibly popular with men.
Brotox.
Brotox, bro.
Yeah, 100%.
LA and Soho, Nolita, New York.
Why is that so specific, dude?
Wait, wait, wait.
Is that a specific location?
It seems like you really narrowed down.
Wait, did I narrow it down to kind of like here?
Yeah.
Am I?
Well, this shit is gone.
But for a minute when I was looking good, I just talked stuff.
That hat is too strong, bro.
Bro, you look like you got a hair transplant.
You got a scar going down below.
It's the fade.
You got a hair transplant. Hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up. Anyway, I'd like to got a hair transplant. You got a scar going down below. You got a hair transplant.
Hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up.
Anyway, I'd like to know what that is.
Yo, it's hard being Waluigi out here, man.
It's hard, bro.
Yo, how the hell did they make a Mexican look good?
I think they just lowered the pants.
Mexicans aren't built to look good in a body like that.
Mexicans, y'all know what the fuck I'm talking about.
You're not built with abs.
So what's the procedure?
So the lipo, obviously, and then are they putting something in?
Yeah, I think they're re-injecting fat, like fat transfer, like BBL.
No way.
I think so, yeah.
That seems crazy.
I also think they have prosthetic, too.
Yeah, that's another one.
But they accused Liver King of doing that.
Yeah.
His, I think, is...
Yeah, I think his is just... I mean, they're doing that. Yeah. And. His, I think, is. Yeah, I think his is just.
I mean, they're actual.
Implants.
Yeah.
Some are actual implants.
And I think what they can also do is like.
They tighten on like to create contouring.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Dove.
There's still hope, bro.
But a lot of dudes are on this.
And you put him in some true jeans.
Do we go back into a competition, by the way?
Nah, yo, we might need to.
But this is something that I'm really upset about.
Because.
What, Dove Lovehand? No, no, we might need to, but this is something that I'm really upset about because... What, Dove Lovehand?
No, no, no.
Like, dudes doing
this cosmetic shit.
The great thing about
being a dude was,
always,
that we just needed
to get successful.
Yeah, you just be rich.
Yeah.
We could be fucking fat.
We could be ugly.
We could be short.
We could be anything.
This is dudes doing it for dudes. Hold on one second. Hold could be ugly. We could be short. We could be anything. This is dudes doing it for dudes.
Hold on one second.
Hold on one second.
I want to hear that point.
Let me get out my point
that I feel like is shitty now.
Okay.
But one of the great things
was that we had access
out of the cards
that God dealt us.
Yeah.
So God dealt us certain cards,
but we had access out,
and that was the great thing
because women don't, right?
Like, they ugly, they ugly, right? Now the great thing, because women don't. They ugly, they ugly.
Now I know that we can get
them on that HRT, and we can make them more beautiful.
We gotta try that shit.
But
you bring up a very interesting
point, Alex. Yeah.
Which is, this is men trying
to impress other men. Please elaborate.
So, most women say
they're not into all the big muscles,
cuts, all that shit. Most women. I have a theory on that really quickly.
Like I've heard women say like they're into dad bots.
Well, I think it's a insecurity complex. I think if the guy is better in better shape than them,
they feel insecure a little bit. And I don't think that they need us to be shredded in order to be
turned on. So when we are
and they're not, and it's much harder for them
to be in shape than us. They naturally
store fat because they have to have children with it.
I think it makes them a little
bit insecure. Anyway, go on. Interesting.
I just remember when Zac Efron
was all roided up and shit like
that. And women were like, they're not into that.
I think that far that way. I saw
a man on the street video type of thing and it was like four bodies like super shreddy
bodybuilder and then like a very fit guy then dad bod and then a really out of shape person yeah
everyone picked the first to be just a really in shape dude they don't want to
a lot of girls were like they could not handle all of that hyper yeah i think as long as you
belly's not protruding,
but I don't think you need fucking six-pack.
Especially that don't look real.
Who's that?
Whatever.
This is a rapper that went viral.
That's Bandman Kevo, right?
Yeah.
He was just honest about it, and then people.
What the fuck?
What?
I just, I don't know how you know this guy, but it must have popped out.
Can I be honest with you?
It must have popped out.
His whole discography.
Do you know how I know?
One, because he was talking that shit.
He was like, oh, y'all made fun of me for getting my body done.
But now 1.3 million men have just admitted that they went out and did it.
So he basically got his get back.
Also, his titties are mad recognizable.
He got a recognizable chest.
Wait, the chest is fake too?
I think the whole thing is done.
But it looks good though.
It looks great.
You got to talk under the table.
I'm built like that.
You built like that a little bit.
I ain't no liar.
You are built like that.
My chest ain't that big.
Did you get some of the chest?
Yeah, because I fucking work out, but not like that.
Did you get fucking transfer?
Don't do it.
Did you?
Did you transfer from your legs maybe?
I need to inject the other way.
I just want to cut down.
Fuck, that's what I need to do.
Can you get someone else's fat put in you?
What's the rule on that?
Like, can you do BBL?
That was a joke I had about the Kardashians, that they were using Rob.
Yeah.
That's funny.
He was a source for all their titties and shit.
I don't know.
My concern with this is that we're going to do what women have done,
and women have absolutely destroyed themselves, is they've created an unrealistic standard for themselves.
They have the fake eyelashes.
They're wearing fucking heels all the time.
They're wearing Spanx to keep their stomach in.
They're doing all these things.
Now, I understand that being good-looking is more valuable for them in the marketplace.
The currency is more valuable than us being good-looking, sure.
is more valuable than us being good looking.
Sure.
But my fear is if we're expected to look like this,
now we're going to put ourselves in the same situation they do
where they're spending an hour to get fucking ready.
They're going to doctor's appointments
all the fucking time.
The great thing about being a dude
is we get to focus on our job,
have a dad bod,
as long as we get some good money coming in
and we can provide, we're valued.
Do you think this is part of the dating app culture?
If it's just a meat market? Before you could be charming. Hey, hey, hey. Don't say, Do you think this is part of the dating app culture? If it's just a meat market?
Before you could be charming.
Hey, hey, hey.
Don't say, do you think.
Stand on that brilliant thing that you just said.
This is the symptom of dating app culture.
Yes.
That's what this is.
Wait, wait, wait.
Why, why?
Because dating apps is just a meat market, right?
It's a complete meat market.
For no reason specifically.
He just always happens to bring that up.
But back in the day, it used to be charming.
You could just go up to a girl.
No, you just brought her up.
I go on dates where girls are like, oh, yeah, I'll sit with these terrible dates with these fucking terrible looking guys.
You're more charming than you are good looking.
I mean, but I'm really, really charming and also good looking.
What have I said about you?
What have I said?
That's the perfect compliment.
It sounded weird.
No, no, no. What have I said? What have I always said about Dove? What have I said? That's the perfect?
The most charismatic charming his social IQ is the highest that exists on the planet. Yeah, I always had that 10 Yeah, 11 12. Yeah, you're more charming than you are good-looking. Yeah, take it
What's what's his mba 2k score? He's 100% out of 100 for
charming? And then where is he at percentage
wise? Where is he at percentage wise for
looks? I think he's 150
out of 100 in charming.
And I think when you average it with his looks,
he's about an 85.
85 overall is good.
85 overall is pretty good.
85 overall is pretty good.
Where are you? Listen, listen, listen. I'm okay. Get me in the eights. I'm okay with this. Where are you?
Listen, listen, listen, listen.
I'm like a nine out of ten looks,
and then personality brings me back to like a five out of ten.
Like if I talk to a girl,
then we definitely come back down to a five.
We really going to let him go nine out of ten looks right now?
I think I was exaggerating in both situations. Oh, yeah.
I believe in personality. He's like, no, you push. I think I was exaggerating in both situations. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I believe the personality.
He's like, no, you agree.
I was accurate.
You were nailing on the second part.
Seriously?
Come on, Al.
You're an asshole.
No, come on, man.
I tell these girls to, you know, tell me about their dreams and shit.
Nice.
Nice, dude.
Do you say it like that?
What are your dreams and shit? No, honestly, because I don you say it like that? What are your dreams and shit?
No, I will, honestly,
because I don't know how to do
the whatever talk.
I need to know what you want to do.
Small talk.
So I need to be like,
what do you want?
Like, I'm very quick
in the conversation.
How quickly do you want to date?
What do you want to do?
Hey, we just sat down.
Hey, great to meet you.
I don't got a joke you need to get out.
Go, go.
Get your joke out.
Wait, Shorty,
your pants suck.
I hate your pants.
Your haircut's ugly.
It's not even a joke.
It was just so funny.
When you were trying to be all sentimental of like,
how you knew this was my wife.
It was like the first time I actually wanted to listen to somebody.
So that was so funny.
That's facts, bro.
You really meant it.
No, I meant that shit, bro.
I meant that shit.
I would do it before I didn't want to.
I know.
It was rough.
I know, son.
It was rough, bro. Y'all looked up. Y'all got out the first time. Yeah. I didn't know to I know that's it was bright. I know so that day was rough. Yeah, I looked up
Yeah, I got out the first time. Yeah
Imagine having hundreds of women
Hundreds actually maybe some of them I like listen to but how do you not know they're not here they're not here
Joking this is jokes comedy pod but how do you not know? They not here. They not here. No, no, that sounds bad.
Joking, this is jokes,
comedy pod.
But there's some
that I just didn't like that.
I was always nice and kind.
Yeah, what are your dreams
and shit though?
I knew some didn't want
to listen to me.
Yo, ain't that crazy?
They just wanted
to get dicked down.
Yo.
Yo, straight up.
Yo, I'm telling you, there are women that just tolerated me because they wanted to get dicked down. Yo. Straight up. Yo, I'm telling you, there are women that just tolerated me because they wanted to get dicked down.
Now you're sounding like a girl.
You're like, she didn't even care about my dreams.
She did.
Bro, that happens.
Treat me like a piece of meat, bro.
These girls, they got sexual appetite this crazy.
Son.
Y'all don't know, bro.
Y'all don't know about these single girls in New York, son.
You're telling her about your dreams. you're telling her about your dreams.
You're telling her about your dreams.
I was trying to tell this girl about some shit that happened at a show once.
And she just started making out with me in the middle of it.
I bombed twice.
I bombed at the show.
And I bombed trying to tell a story about the show.
Now my confidence is low.
I can't dick this girl down.
Yeah, but she's trying to suck your tongue.
She's trying to treat you like the Dalai Lama.
And we're back.
Okay.
So Akash, you brought up, you said women who are into feet.
Yeah, that's disgusting.
That's disgusting.
If you're not a lesbian.
All right.
Can I just throw out an idea?
Okay.
All right.
I'm into feet.
Yes.
You're into feet.
Yes.
Okay.
People have been critical of me for being into feet.
They think I'm a weirdo.
Okay?
Now, if it wasn't for people like me, we would all be walking on our knuckles still.
You know what I mean?
Millions of years ago, there was a monkey born with feet.
And someone like me was like,
that's fire.
Y'all fucking hands monkeys.
I'm fucking this foot monkey, bitch.
And then we kept making more monkeys with feet.
And that's why we here.
If it's not for me,
you gonna have hands on your feet. going to have hands on your feet.
You're going to have hands on your feet.
You wouldn't because you're a real one.
They need to show.
Now that everybody got feet, they wouldn't be like, oh, it's weird.
You're still into feet.
You're welcome.
You got to move on, though.
You're talking about millions of years ago, bro.
Nah.
Shorties that are into feet, thank you for being part of that.
No, you're still in Jurassic period, bro.
You're in Jurassic period.
You're in Jurassic.
No, you got to come to the future. You're a triceratops. You got to come to the future, bro. You got to come to the future, dog. No, fuck you, you're still in Jurassic period, bro. You're in Jurassic period. You a Jurassic. No, you gotta come to the future.
You a triceratops.
Look at your fucking forehead.
You gotta come to the future, dog.
No, fuck you.
You're still in evolution phase.
Fuck everybody who talks shit.
You're welcome.
We evolved you.
Y'all would be eating
your fucking toenails.
I do that still.
Listen, you got remnants
of the past.
Did you see the Barbie trailer?
Well done.
Yo, you saw the feet
in the Barbie trailer?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I need to look at that third toe to second toe ratio.
That third toe might be a little longer
than that second toe.
Arch is great.
People are so weird.
No, we're not weird, bro. We made us humans.
Humans are the only animal
with feet.
A whole trailer
and y'all talking
about the feet.
Hold on now.
Hold on now.
There you go.
I mean.
So bring it down.
You can see the arch
right there.
Look at the arch.
Oh, guys, stop.
Okay, I can.
No.
Is this Ryan Gosling? Let's go. Here's the reason. Okay, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. Is this Ryan Gosling?
Let's go.
Here's the reason.
Okay.
Let me just do a little.
The length.
The length.
I'm Kenny.
I'm like Kenny.
The length.
Is it the length?
Oh, my God.
I'm Kenny.
All right.
Ready?
So this is crazy.
We're doing this right now.
Yo.
Doing your crazy.
All due respect.
This is Barbie.
This is a character.
All due respect.
What's that so doing right there?
It does seem a bit long.
This one, I think, is coming longer than that one.
But the nails and everything.
You know who else got that?
It's Kourtney Kardashian.
Third toe longest.
See, I'm going to be honest with you.
I'm going to say something that nobody has said right there.
I think that's a foot double.
I think that's a foot double.
I think that's a foot double.
I'll say it.
But they're going to get a foot double and then not pick a good foot?
They don't know feet, man.
They might not know feet.
You'd be shocked how much people don't know feet.
You would be.
You'd be shocked.
You could put a human hand there.
You'd probably fuck it.
I know Mark would.
I don't care.
We're evolved, bro.
We're in the future.
No, y'all are in the past.
You're in the past.
You're in the past.
Now, that argument, the logic, foolproof. Flawless. He's talking about fucking fish with feet or some shit. He's all the way in the future. No, y'all are in the past. You're in the past. You're a past person. Now, that argument, the logic.
Foolproof.
Flawless.
He's talking about fucking fish with feet or some shit.
He's all the way in the Jurassic period.
You're not even in the future.
That's another thing.
I like when pussies smell like fish.
No, don't do that.
No.
No.
Where did we evolve from?
Where did we evolve from?
Bro, you got to move on.
Yo, where did we evolve from?
The ocean.
The ocean.
That pussy was fishy back in the day, bro.
It was mostly fish.
That pussy had scales.
It was just fish, really.
It was fish.
Did we evolve from the ocean?
Say again?
Did we evolve from the ocean?
We started in the ocean.
Mm-hmm.
Started from the bottom.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, we did.
We moved up.
We did.
No, we started.
I mean, according to these, you know, atheist biologists.
Yeah.
I don't know shit.
I thought you were Christian now.
I thought you were Christian now.
Yeah.
I am Christian.
I watch my Sunday service, Shouts of Renaissance.
That is crazy, though.
Back in the day, like, everyone was animals, and then it just went from bestiality to not that.
Like, there was one guy that was still doing bestiality, and they're like, yo, we're off that.
We're just doing homo sapien love.
Yo, is he making my argument to me but i'm saying he actually
doing back in the day is he actually doing that's old did he actually just fucking make the exact
argument you're on still like oh bestiality is kind of cool that's basically what you said this
guy's a goofy bro that's what you said you really didn't say the exact same thing i didn't see it at
first i'm saying he just tried to flip it. I'm saying it's old.
This is what Christians do.
You have the Jewish version, and they're like, oh, no, this is really what happened.
Make it better.
Exactly, bro.
No, no, no, no.
I'm with the Jews now.
I'm Jewish, bro.
Can we wiki-feet Marvel Robbie, though?
Shouts for Jews.
Oh, are we going to feet check it?
Yeah, I think we should foot check.
I think we need a feet check.
I think we should do it.
I think we need a feet check.
We know that third toe is on some Gumby shit, so we need a foot checker.
Let's see.
Let's see.
This website.
You're not going to get it.
Oh, oh.
I don't know.
Hold on now.
Let me extend, though.
Enhance.
No, no, no.
That's the wrong part, bro.
Go down.
Can I say one thing real quick?
Yeah.
I know why they did that thing.
I thought that they did that scene just for the foot fetish people, like myself, which
is not a foot fetish, just for the humans that created evolution, like myself. That's what I thought that they did that scene just for the foot fetish people like myself which is not a foot fetish
just for the humans
that created evolution
like myself.
That's what I thought.
Okay.
That's how Barbie stands, right?
That's it, my boy.
It makes sense.
You didn't get that.
How is it supposed to get that
when I'm double barreled
on the shotgun?
He's a caveman, bro.
I'm double barreled
on the shotgun.
He's a caveman.
You know what I mean?
How am I supposed to ask?
Y'all really do like feet.
What?
That's crazy. You know what I mean? How am I supposed to ask? Yo, I really do like feet. What? That's crazy.
You like doll.
What?
What are you thinking
about the doll?
That's a foot double, bro.
I think she's
second to longest.
That's a foot double, bro.
I think we got a foot double.
We got it.
We got it.
We caught him out.
We caught him.
Caught him red-handed.
Caught him red-handed.
She don't got no beach pics?
I think she's elusive, bro.
She's like the white whale.
This is Moby Dick, dude.
We're just trying to find her.
Yo, she don't ever take pics on the beach?
These bitches don't like to swim?
It's tough, because the second and third there seem like same length.
So is that a good toe?
She has a great foot.
She has a great foot.
We're looking at it.
What's your take on a little foot tattoo?
Usually it's for fat girls, because that's the only skin that doesn't stretch on their whole bodies.
But that one's small and tasteful.
I don't like a foot tattoo.
Also, there's more turnover on the epidermis on your foot, so it gets blurry.
It's not good.
Bad, bad, bad.
Foot tattoos are bad.
What is that?
Something back in the day. It's an good. Bad, bad, bad. Foot tattoos, bad. What is that? Something back in the day.
It's an anchor.
How do you know that?
Because I have eyeballs?
No, you can't really see it.
I zoomed in.
It's an anchor, yeah.
You just can't see.
She's Australian.
See?
Come on, Dub.
Don't do that.
No.
Yo, it's a foot double, I think.
It's a foot double.
It's a guaranteed foot double.
It's 100% a foot double.
But why would she foot double to a worse foot?
Because she just don't want to be hurt.
She got enough pictures of her feet out there.
I don't care if it's a better foot or a worse foot.
I don't need to be objectified further.
She don't want to be bothered, bro.
She don't want to be objectified.
She don't want to be bothered.
It's like, you don't need me for this part of the shoot?
I'm good.
But if she was a purist, she would do it.
Yeah.
She'd be like, yo, for free.
She understood what we understand.
So that third toe.
That's wild.
That third toe is erect.
That third toe is stiffened out.
You know in the cartoon when they hammer their thumb and it goes crazy?
That's the third toe.
But still a beautiful foot.
Like, you know, I want to objectify you positively.
Yeah, hilarious.
But I am a truest about this shit.
You know what I mean?
You're welcome.
You think that's a ballerina or like someone's on a sloped green screen?
Nope.
Not even close.
Not even close.
Not a ballerina at all.
Not even close.
I mean, if we really want to get into this, we can get into it.
I come from a dancing family.
Like, if we really want to get into this, I can get into this.
Get into it.
A ballerina would never have a foot that beautiful.
A ballerina's foot is absolutely destroyed from years of being on point.
Never would be a ballerina.
I'm sorry.
That's what I'm talking about.
Give me that one right there.
Nope, you're wrong.
Wait, which one?
No, back to the theater.
Movie theater, right there.
Dirt foot.
Yeah, I wish it wasn't dirty.
But I think that's part of the character.
Honestly.
It's a foot double.
No, it might be her.
It's a foot double, dude.
You know why?
Because if it was actually Margot Robbie's foot, they'd have just zoomed out and shown Margot Robbie.
It wouldn't just show the feet.
Because they know.
You know what I mean?
Give the people what they want.
Good logic there.
Okay. Good point. Good point. Okay. What else they want. Good logic there. Okay, good point.
Good point.
Okay, what else we got?
I feel like we peaked, frankly.
Yeah, we were peaking
in a lot of things.
All right, do we have
any other thing
before we get out of here?
I mean, we could talk
about Taylor Swift.
We could talk about...
I mean, there's nothing
really like fun, silly, goof.
Look.
All right, stop.
Collaborate.
Listen.
Ice is back with a brand new invention.
Something.
That's a hold of me tight.
You want to just bow out?
Yo, we could bow out, but here's the thing.
How long are we at?
220.
Would you smash Margot Robbie if she was your cousin?
I mean, that's easier for
Al and me because she'd be adopted.
No, no, no. Blood cousin.
First cousin? First cousin?
First blood cousin. You gotta understand, back in the day, that was normal.
Huh? That was
normal back in the day. Cousin fucking is just
normal. I agree with you. Now,
Rami has a great joke about that,
actually. He does. Yeah.
But I'm curious about this with Margot Robbie.
How far back in the day was this normal?
90s.
About mid-90s.
About the time when I was born, I think.
So I'm curious because Margot Robbie is someone's cousin.
And they have to act like they have to do the whole thing.
My cousin, dude. You didn't talk about that.. Bro, my cousin. What are you talking about?
No, bro.
I've known you since I was a kid.
You know what I mean?
Like, oh, Margo.
Or whatever her name is.
Is there a stupid accent?
No.
No.
No.
No.
I never suck at dogs.
No.
You're not even going to put a dog in my mouth.
No.
You're crazy.
Wee Maggie. Whatever. What is it? What is it. You're not even going to put a dog's in my mouth? No. You're crazy. We Maggie.
Whatever.
What is it?
What is it?
You're making her Scottish.
I don't know why.
I don't know how to do Australian.
All right.
Yeah.
I can't do that.
It's me cousin.
Yeah.
Fuck, I want it away from him.
All right.
Anyway, so that person has to act like he wouldn't smash, but he would.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we wouldn't smash, but he would. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But we wouldn't fuck our cousins.
No.
No.
Because they're ugly.
That's the thing that, that's the thing that, that's the thing.
My cousin's not Margot Robbie.
No, no, no.
That's the thing that we have to acknowledge is there's a hotness level.
Yeah, they're not ugly, but there's a hotness where it's like, yo, yo, yo.
What am I gonna do?
You called Gandhi
You can't just say your cousins is dog shit
No that dude he could get it.
The dude is hot.
Shit.
And with that, there you go.
Dude is hot.
Yeah.
So, gay incest ain't even that bad.
You can't reproduce.
Yeah, there's no cause.
That's a great point.
Facts.
Okay.
I don't think gay incest should be illegal.
Illegal.
Male or female, yeah. And then girl is like... You can understand why people think it should be illegal be illegal. Male or female, yeah.
And then girl is like...
You can understand why people think it should be illegal, though, right?
Well, cousin.
Yeah, we just made gay legal like 2006.
Yeah, you can't...
Y'all hopping into this mad quick.
You're right.
You're right about that.
No, no, I agree with you on that one.
But I do think we just don't have beautiful enough cousins where it makes sense, which hurts your heart to say.
But you all said it.
This is so weird.
You either go, my cousins are fine, right?
You either say, my cousins are hot, or, and I would, you know what I mean?
But even if they're hot, they're not Margot Robbie.
But what I'm saying is there's a level.
We acknowledge before there's a level where we would smash.
And then we go, would we smash our cousins?
So we're saying we don't have super hot cousins.
That's what we're all saying right now.
Right?
Sorry.
Sorry, Schultzes.
Do you know what I mean?
But no.
Can we talk about like third and fourth cousins now?
Now, Alex.
Now we Alex. Now, Alex.
Now we talking.
Now, Alex, you think I'm going to let my dad's sister's cousin get in the way of his pussy?
Alex, come on.
Where's your second cousin?
I don't even know, but all I know is that at my grandmother's funeral.
Floor seats to the next.
Stop showing up.
Why as fuck?
This was a good, what,
maybe 10, 15 years ago.
That was just one that came.
Talk that shit.
None of us have ever met her.
Talk that shit.
Somehow she was related to us.
Shit.
All the cousins was like,
yo, who is that?
Thirsty.
Talking about, yo, we go that? Thirsty! Talking about,
yo, we go for drinks.
It's crazy.
No, she was that bad.
I'm telling you.
But what's wrong with that?
No, she was that bad.
What's wrong with that?
I just pray she's like third or fourth.
She probably looks like her mom,
and you and your uncle
got the same taste.
That's just doing mad uncles away.
Yeah.
Oh, you think she was second or third
Yeah yeah yeah
At that point
That's a stranger
That's a stranger
I found some data by the way
Okay
Children of first cousin unions
Have an increased risk of genetic disorders
Do you want to know what percentage?
Two to three percent
Nothing
That's nothing
Two to three percent
That's what I'm saying bro
That's negligible
In some parts of the world
20 to 60 percent of all marriages are between
close biological relatives.
Whoa, that's a little weird.
That's most of human existence, bro.
Hey.
Gene pool is shallow over there.
Yeah.
That's what it is, dog.
We're smart. Maybe that's why.
Two percent. Is it worth it, Margo?
Yeah.
2%?
Yeah.
2%?
Yeah.
If she was your sister.
Cut the pot.
Cut the pot.
Cut the pot.
Cut the pot.