Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Shane Gillis is Autistic
Episode Date: October 5, 2021Flagrant 2 is a comedy podcast that delivers unfiltered, unapologetic, and unruly hot takes directly to your dome piece. In an era dictated by political correctness, hosts Andrew Schulz and Akaash Sin...gh, along with AlexxMedia and Mark Gagnon, could care less about sensitivities. If it’s funny and flagrant it flies. If you are sensitive this podcast is not for you. But if you miss the days of comedians actually being funny instead of preaching to a quire then welcome to The Flagrancy. Join the Patreon Asshole Army: http://bit.ly/2xQwHYf
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Discussion (0)
What's up everybody? Welcome to Flavoring Tools.
Your boy Sholty. I'm here with Akash Singh, Alex Media, Mark Gagnon.
The truffle is not on a mic today.
We had to remove the mic from the truffle because he has such a crazy weekend in Vegas.
But today we are joined by one of my favorite comics working today.
Absolutely hilarious.
Yep.
Newly,
I don't want to,
you were already famous,
but now you're famous
for a good reason.
The right reason.
The right reason.
Newly viral sensation
Shane Gillis is in the building.
Let's go.
Doing his 20th podcast
in the last week.
No more podcasts.
I know.
YouTube is exhausted.
Good God.
Another fucking Shane Gillis podcast.
No, I get it.
Thank you for saving us for last, dude.
I really appreciate that.
Yeah.
We could have caught you nice and hot
off of the algorithm.
Just so everyone knows,
you're a psycho.
Okay.
I've never seen anyone
start a show like this.
Like, just bully the fuck out of a guy and then be like, all right, here we go.
Let's start a show.
That was crazy.
That's what's going to happen for the next two hours, Shane.
That was insane, dude.
Listen, he's built for this, dude.
Dude, he's pissed.
He's not pissed.
He hooked up with a beautiful girl.
Awesome.
He's doing work right now.
He's in Las Vegas.
Stunningly beautiful girl.
We did not tell a single lie.
Did he not do it in front of his mom?
Alex, you were there.
I mean, not the hookup part.
Well, some of the hookup part.
This is what blew my mind.
He brings the girl down to the green room in Las Vegas.
His mother and his mother's friends, of course.
His mother and his mother's friends are in the green room.
He takes her out.
I was about to say drags.
He didn't takes her out i was about to say drags he didn't drag
her out he he consensually removes her from the groom and then goes to hook up with her in another
fucking room don't even say a single thing wait why things to me i didn't know it was my room
well someone's got to use it yeah i guess anyway shane okay now that you're newly famous and people
like i'm not famous but yeah but people like you now that you're newly famous and people like i'm not famous
but yeah but people like you now some people like me yeah now they understand how you got on snl
before they didn't get it now they're like oh this is how he got on i think that's nice and
the clip that got cut out you didn't get on snl yeah i did technically yeah he did was your face
there he got on deadline i got paid okay he got paid by
us i got it yeah i got a check okay okay okay okay but it makes sense now i think there's a
great point now you're like okay this guy's really funny they saw something in him and and the clip
that got cut up the first time we didn't need to get into it but it clearly wasn't your funniest
stuff like this is your strong suit it's all so funny it all so good. So I'm glad people get to see that.
Yo, go check out Shane's special.
Let's just blow it up right now.
Make sure if you haven't already seen it, you go check it out right now.
Shane Gillis live in Austin.
Yeah.
Okay.
It's on YouTube for your viewing pleasure.
Doing millions of views.
No big deal.
No big deal.
Yeah.
Okay.
NBD.
NBD.
That's how I feel about it.
Yeah.
I know I'm a big internet guy.
Yeah. I'm big with content. feel about it. Yeah. I know that I'm a big internet guy. Yeah.
I'm big with content.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I create.
I wish I could have showed what the thumbnail of the special was going to be that morning.
He messages me that morning.
He goes, hey, is this good?
And it's just like a picture of like upshot of his nostrils.
He doesn't even know if it's him.
He has no fucking clue who it is, dude.
It was unbelievable.
I have no idea what I'm doing.
I thought it was the Netflix thing for
Love on the Spectrum.
It was at Ups. There's
no way that it was you. I had no clue it was you.
Do you have a bit of Michael in me?
I'm a big teddy bear.
I was on season one, bro.
Thank you.
He's been trying to get me to watch this.
Before we get into this, there's a better one.
It's called The Specials.
Yeah, dude.
The Specials are the OGs.
The Specials is...
I'm so happy, bro.
I'm so happy.
Yo, let me explain this story.
We're talking about people with Down syndrome, and they're doing reality shows about this.
There's a house full of people with Down syndrome.
Yes.
First off, once you watch it, you realize dudes with Down syndrome are the bros.
They're the best dudes on earth.
Of course.
All right?
Yeah.
So this dude named Sam, he's got Down syndrome.
One of the episodes, they're going to take him to a ladyboy show, a burlesque show of
ladyboys.
And he is pumped, dude.
He's got the flyer.
He keeps coming up to the camera like, sexy dances.
And everybody's like, relax.
They're Australian. They're all British. No, the specials are British. No And everybody's like, relax. They're Australian.
They're British.
No, they're British.
And he goes, and then everybody keeps telling him,
it's like, no, they're actually men.
And he's like, no, they're not.
The whole time he's like, trust me, they're not.
And then he's talking to one of the house chaperones,
and he's like, Sam, they are boys.
And he's like, don't be rude.
Don't be rude. And he's like sam they are they are boys and he's like don't be rude don't be rude he's trying so hard and then he goes what if one of them tells you they have a penis
and he goes i'd be fuming and he go why would you be mad he goes i have no idea
that's the bro i'm still going so he gets they take him to the show he gets in there the camera's
on him the girls come out and are dancing.
He's holding a soda.
He looks back at his boys like, they show his face like, yo, I told you.
The girls are sexy.
And then one of the dancers takes their mask off and starts singing like a man.
And they cut the camera to him.
And he's just sitting there like.
He's still being polite.
And then a minute later, all the dancers come back out. The camera cuts to him and he's just sitting there like He's still being polite.
And then a minute later all the dancers come back out, the camera cuts to him and he's like
He's back in. You gotta watch the specials.
So the specials is better than Love on the Spectrum?
I prefer it, but Love on the Spectrum is also incredible.
Mark has been trying to get me to watch this show for at least maybe two months?
A year, a year.
Okay, a year.
Literally a year. It okay yeah literally it's
the best show on netflix yeah fuck squid game but here's the thing with the show i think if you don't
know anybody who has down syndrome you just feel bad for them no you don't if you don't know people
with it no and then you watch the show and then oh yeah yeah yeah you're like the perception is
oh my god this is so tragic that these parents have to raise. And then you watch it and it's like, oh, they're the most fun ever.
They're the best ever.
Everybody enjoys it.
Yes.
I don't want to say golden retriever, but the same energy where it's just like positive.
I just did that at that show.
Wait, really?
Yeah.
I was doing a joke about people with Down's.
It's like having a dog.
He does stand up on the spot.
People with autism is like a cat.
You think they like you.
They walk out of the room.
I love cats.
Cats are great.
I'm not trashing autism.
But a Down syndrome person.
Oh, wow.
A Down syndrome is like,
you're like,
yo, you want to go outside?
They're like, let's go.
It's just positive energy,
happiness all the time.
Yes, dude.
So it's just this weird thing.
Because you see people
post them on TikTok. Parents and brothers and you see people like post them on TikTok, like parents and like brothers
and shit like that will post them on TikTok.
And you think they're kind of exploiting them.
But I really think they're going, this person brings me so much joy.
Yeah.
I need to share the joy a bit.
Yes.
Right.
So now should we feel way better about watching the videos?
Yeah.
Al?
Because that's Al's thing.
Yeah.
You like watching?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You like seeing a guy with a dance center perform.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But they're trying to be funny.
No, no, no.
That's true.
You like to see them perform.
Yeah, yeah.
Absolutely.
They have to be doing a song.
It has to be like Chris Brown or something like that.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
And then try to dance like them, too.
Dude, I'm the move, bro. You know what gets out every time? too. You know what gets out every time?
Can I tell you what gets out every time?
This one is at the end of it when they just stick the tongue out.
The tongue?
I've got it.
I've got it down.
I'm telling you, that's great.
I got to watch it now.
You sold me on it.
Bro, wait till you see Sam.
Sam from the specials, one of the best characters of all time.
Interesting.
Is it Netflix also?
Dude, there is a scene where one of the girls in the house is crying,
and Sam comes over to console her.
She's sitting down on the floor, and Sam kneels down to be like,
don't be sad, and he kneels down and farts.
And he farts, and he looks at the camera and goes kneels down to be like don't be sad and he kneels down and farts and he farts and he looks at the camera goes oh pardon me
and he's like it's okay and she just starts it's unbelievable no she's still no one
bats an eye at the part it's incredible i love it i love it i love it okay all right so let's
let's be serious can we be serious here for a second, Shane?
Yeah, let's start.
Let's start.
Okay.
I want to be serious here.
Now that you are viral, officially viral, have you noticed a difference in lifestyle?
No.
Not at all?
No.
You don't think like the girls treating you a little different?
You know what I mean?
No.
What about the dudes?
The bros.
Are the bros out there?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Are you getting a lot of DMs like, bro, I knew you were funny.
Yeah, it's funny.
I got a DM from a lady last night that was like, I'm sorry I didn't support you.
I thought you were a bad person.
Wow.
That's funny, dog.
It's funny to see it and just be like, yeah.
Any people that came out and shit on you apologize?
No, not really.
No. They did back then. Not not really i'm trying to think i don't know they apologized back then a couple people did oh yeah after like after a couple
months and then seeing me at the clubs you're like oh sorry i shit on you publicly
say that privately say
for publicly shitting on you no it's it's nice i don't know i'm just so
happy for you thanks man yeah i don't want to get too gushy no no no no i did nothing he does help
out i did nothing you guys did great work and your team does great work too yeah yeah you know
shout out to mckeever he's fucking brilliant man yeah he was the best and the production team as
well those guys are great yeah book light Booklight. And what is it?
What do you call it?
Booklight.
Booklight.
That's the production company.
Do they have names too?
Although they didn't do shit on the special.
Oh, I thought you said they were working on the special.
No, they were supposed to.
Homeless Pimp did.
I know.
I spoke to Pimp.
And I thought he was helping out.
I didn't know he came and actually did it.
He was there filming.
Pimp is great.
Amazing.
Yeah.
I had Homeless Pimp and McKeever.
That's who shot it.
Good shit, man. Yeah, man. Good shit. Well, I'm homospep and McKeever. Okay. That's who shot it. Good shit, man.
Yeah, man.
Good shit.
Well, I'm just psyched for you, and it's so much better also for me now because I get
to support the funny guy, not the other guy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean?
There's a lot of... We catch some heat, you know what I mean, for being so supportive
of you.
We were the victims.
Oh, really?
It was hard for us.
People trashed you.
We suffered the most.
We were the ones that suffered.
Who trashed you? Our career was really hard. Oh, man. It was hard for us. People trashed you. We were the ones that suffered. Who trashed you?
Our career was really hard.
Oh, man.
Yeah, yeah.
I'll tell you who's just got it.
Your mom's house just got hit with it a little.
No.
Because they had me on there.
And I went on and I was like.
I was joking.
Nobody ever trashed us.
Oh, okay.
Everybody was like, yeah, that guy's funny.
Well, they didn't really get trashed.
But it was funny.
I went on your mom's house and I was like, it's good to be in Texas.
I love the abortion laws here.
Like I said that.
Yeah.
I couldn't.
I can't believe anyone thought. Like I said that. I can't
believe anyone thought that was real.
I sat down and I was like, I love the
abortion laws here in Texas.
Every comment was like, this guy is a piece of shit.
What a weird thing to love anywhere.
I can't get enough of these abortion laws.
It is a funny opener, given your history.
You'd be like, you know what I'm gonna open with?
Give me babies.
Here's something I got right up my sleeve, right away.
Really?
So what happened?
Like people started saying?
Nothing major, just DMs.
And they don't care.
Tom, I was talking to Sigur and he was like, yeah, get used to it.
I got people mad at like, I said kill turtles once.
Yeah.
A bunch of turtle people came out.
Turtle people.
You motherfucker.
Do you know what it is?
It's like once you get to like the million mark, like you're going to have a certain
percentage of people that don't like no matter what you say.
Yeah.
And that percentage is now 100 people.
And you get 100 DMs, you're like, oh, fuck.
Yeah, people are mad.
Yeah.
But it's really not.
It's just a million people are now watching and listening to what you're doing.
I'm fucking stoked for you, man.
All right.
Enough of that.
I think that it's very important that we move on and stop talking specifically about how great you are i would love that okay i hate this i know you've
done a lot of my least favorite thing where people are stroking he loves being self-loathing
no i don't i just don't like i can't do compliments yeah i don't like the compliments
well now i kind of want to make you uncomfortable somebody's we're both walking in austin at the
moon tower festival yeah somebody drives by is like yo Shane you're so funny
who's that
Peng Wang
you're right
I have a fucking nickname
you just said
Penguin
you said
Penguin
hey hey
feels pretty good
right
to be on this side
that's nice
who's the Penguin
it does feel good
I get it
I get why people do it
no no
so what happens
somebody drives by and they call out to Shane like, yo, you're so funny or something like
that.
And Shane just kind of like raises his hand.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm like, ah, the guy drove by quick.
So I guess he didn't really, whatever.
And then somebody comes up to me.
He's like, yo, you're so funny.
I'm such a big fan.
And I'm like talking to him.
And then Shane is just two blocks down by the time I look up.
Because in his mind, you don't acknowledge people who like you.
Like you're not.
Yeah, you do.
You say, oh, thanks a lot. You say, oh, thanks a lot.
You say, oh, thanks a lot.
And then you keep it moving because you don't deserve anything more than, hey, thanks a
lot.
I appreciate that.
And then you keep it moving.
It was a real, I was like, oh, this guy, this guy don't like being loved.
I'll just lock them in there.
He's like, yeah, keep going.
Yeah.
What else is good about me?
Yeah.
I let this guy leave.
I tried to get him to come with us to the after party.
But you don't really drink, right?
No.
Yeah.
If I was sober, I'd be like, I need something.
I'm just hammered.
I'm like, I've got enough.
I feel pretty good as it is.
Guys, I'm sorry I have to interrupt this podcast because there's breaking news.
I think we have some beef.
Play the video, Alex.
Well, it seems like you're having a great time.
You're going to Raiders games.
You're out with the champ.
I saw you with this comedian, Andrew Schultz, who admittedly I don't know a lot about him,
but I see he's calling himself the greatest MMA journalist of all time.
Clearly, he's never heard of Ariel Helwani because that would bury that man where he stands.
I mean, unbelievable that he has the balls. He's out there at the apex. Who is this jabron, Andrew Schultz,
that keeps talking about being the greatest MMA journalist? And I see you dancing with him and
everything. I'm a little jealous if I'm being honest. Who is this man?
I went to his show here in Las Vegas. He's a friend of Israel's. So he's a good friend of
Israel's and Israel's like been on his podcast and things like that.
So Israel sent me out with some tickets to the show,
and I just went along to the show.
Hilarious.
It was a pretty incredible show.
And then at the end, he dragged someone out.
He got everyone out on stage, and then he pulled someone out of the crowd,
and he's like, we're going to sing a song.
And then he's just like, we've got another special guest. Dan Hooker's in the house. And then he drags me on stage too, and he's like we're gonna sing a song and then he's just like we've got another special guest dan hooker's in the house and then he drags me on stage too and he's like
we're gonna sing a song well well well what do we have here ariel if you didn't know me before
now you do the greatest mma journalist of all time not only that but the greatest nose in the business too i'm sorry kiddo you're number
two yes i'm coca-cola you're fucking snapple enjoy your goofy flavors and your facts i'll
give you a fact you're no longer holding the belt the kid is matter of fact you could call me the
king the greatest mma journalist of all, the greatest nose in the business.
You got nothing on me, kiddo.
I'm not going to lie.
You got a fucking sturdy hairline, but that's about it.
And you're not burying nothing because I'm just getting stronger, baby.
I feel you weakening.
I feel you shaking in your boots.
I see you watching the stories.
I see you keeping tabs on the king.
And let me let you know something right now.
There's nothing you could do because the takeover was inevitable.
So sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second
because I need to make sure that you are getting as erect as you possibly can
when you want to.
This is very important, okay?
Hey, you might be stressed the fuck out.
And you might be too stressed to get a fat boner dick.
So, what you got to do is you got to tap in the fucking PEDs.
You know what I'm saying?
You got to get that blue
chew that blue chew is going to have you rocked up all right bulked up bulked up release the whole
we have a hulk we have a hulk we have a hulk okay the blue chew is coming it's got your back
if you want to break your girl's back and her femur? What? Why her femur?
I don't know.
Maybe after you put Blue Chew in it, it just brushed against her femur lightly.
And it's that hard.
And it's that hard that it just snapped it in half.
It's the strongest bone in your body.
It doesn't really make sense.
Not after the Blue Chew, Doug.
Oh, nice.
That's the strongest bone in your body.
Point is, if you want that, you can get it for free.
You just got to go to bluechew.com.
Use the promo code flagrant. You get it for free. All you got to go to bluechew.com. Use the promo code flagrant.
You get it for free.
All you got to do is pay $5.
$5?
$5 for shipping.
You're just paying the $5 for shipping.
For the fattest boner I might have had in years?
Fat boner dick.
Wow.
Don't you want that?
I know I do.
Shit.
Son.
Sometimes I'll be looking at my dick when it's on Blue Chew.
I'll be like, man, I'm going to suck the fucking shit out of this.
Just wrap up the ad.
It's like so weird.
What, what, what, what, what?
Al, you told me to say that.
Nah.
Al, you said you were only having liquids that week.
Yeah, Al's mouth is full of smoothie right now.
You said you were on a liquid diet, and then you were Blue Chewing it up,
and then you're just sucking it down.
What's the promo code?
He said dot com.
Oh, it's flagrant.
Okay, bluechew.com, promo code flagrant.
Get that.
Get your dick hard.
Now let's get back to the show.
Did you see Mike Tyson talk about
Dr. Umar Johnson on his podcast?
No.
Do you know who Dr. Umar Johnson is?
No.
He's about to be your favorite guy.
Yeah, is he like a black Israelite kind of?
Yeah, it's a little different.
He's the prince of Pan-Africanism.
Awesome.
And he's the perfect example of how like just because someone doesn't like you doesn't mean you don't like them you know what i mean like i i understand that he might not like me
because i'm white right and i'm part of the uh systemic racism that's baked into America, but I love him.
Yes. Like, I absolutely
he's the most entertaining
speaker on Instagram right now.
Remember when Chris Rock would, like, kind of
stalk the stage and repeat premises?
Yeah. He opens up his
Instagram, like, lives.
It's unbelievable. I'm not even
going to do a judge. Can we, like, bring up one? Can I see a picture
of him? Because I think I know who he is.
Is he big?
Yeah.
I've seen this guy.
He's from Philly.
Oh, I know this guy.
Yeah, this guy rules.
Oh, dude, he's the best.
I built the whole plan.
I ain't going nowhere.
But I appreciate the concern, my beautiful African queen.
I hope your hair is natural.
I see you got that perm in there.
I still love you.
You're gorgeous, but you're not nappy.
You got to be nappy, nappy you got to be nappy
baby you got to be nappy i can't grab it i can't have it it only takes a little bit of white brain
wash to activate the cool chip heterosexual couples only this is not a government-funded
activity i have the right to discriminate. Heterosexual couples only.
Donations. Gifts. Gifts.
We're going to have a national Coons conference at FDMG. Yes, brothers and sisters, we have to have a national Coons conference.
Anybody who tells you they're running for office to help somebody, smack their ass in the face.
What you want to do? You want to box? You want to street rumble?
Or you want to get into the intellectual boxing ring?
Tyler Perry. Goddamn, brother.
Can we please consider some
other movies?
Peace and Black Power.
Peace and Black Power.
I love this.
Oh, God, dude.
This guy is
so good fucking believable he's so entertained so this is the he's so fucking undeniably
entertaining i don't care who he hates or who he likes it means nothing to me i agree it is just
and i'm looking i'm sitting there looking at and i'm sitting here going like i mean he stands for
like a lot of like shit that's fucked up. Like, he's gay couples.
He's against interracial marriage.
Against interracial marriage.
Like, there's certain things that we disagree with.
He's homophobic and pro-segregation.
Yeah.
Interesting point.
But yeah, but in all seriousness um he's he's fucking brilliant and i love him and i really want him on this podcast but what did mike tyson say about him
oh that was it yeah tyson was talking shit no no uh freddie gibbs was on tyson's podcast and then
he just brought up dr umar and he was like yeah you don't really like white people that much and
then tyson was like well why does he like white people?
Like, what's wrong with that?
That's not good.
That's the worst Tyson I've ever heard.
Bro.
Why does he like white people?
Yeah.
What was that?
Well, he no longer speaks with the, hey.
Oh, he doesn't?
No, he's like so like on like, he's like mushroomed out and like high.
I apologize.
And he's almost like raspy and shit.
Yeah.
Have you guys watched it?
He's still got that there, but yeah, it's not what he used to say.
Oh.
Yeah, it's weird.
Really?
Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, I take it say. Yeah, it's weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Take it back.
There's a little bit.
It's actually kind of sad.
Like, have you guys watched it a little?
Like, every time I see a clip, he's just so fucking out of it.
He's like a tiger on tranquilizers.
Yeah.
And I don't want to criticize, you know, the people behind it, but it's almost like on
some like Britney Spears shit.
It's like, does he want to be up there?
Free Mike, bro.
We might have to free Mike.
Yeah, free Mike.
Dog, we might have to free Mike. For the free Mike. Dog, we might have to free Mike.
For the second time.
He was in jail for what he did.
Yes.
Is he the most forgiven rapist ever?
Yeah.
Well, Bill Clinton.
Well, he never got convicted.
He paid him off.
He never got convicted.
I think we feel the opposite way about them.
I think with Bill, we're like, I know he didn't get convicted,
but he probably did that shit. And with Mike, we're like,
he got convicted, but he probably didn't do that shit.
Yeah, I don't think anybody believes he did it.
We're talking just convictions.
Innocent until proven guilty. Shame.
Something you should know something about.
True.
Who else? Depends what
community.
I mean, how many people... I was going to say Michael Jackson, but no.
Tupac?
Didn't Tupac go in for sexual assault?
Yes.
And then nobody brings that shit up ever?
Yeah, that's because he got killed.
But even after, I think people were about that.
He got assassinated.
He rushed some shit under the rug.
Really?
I think so.
Yeah.
But yeah, Tyson, for sure.
He had a show on fucking Adult Swim. He had a cartoon. Yeah, the most liberal people on earth were like, yeah, Mike Tyson. Yeah. But yeah, Tyson, for sure. He had a show on fucking Adult Swim.
He had a cartoon.
Yeah, the most liberal people on earth were like, yeah, Mike Tyson.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What do you think that is?
He's black.
What do you want me to say on that?
No, like I think there's something more.
For the Adult Swim people to take him.
That's what I was saying.
Not the forgiveness of the sexual assault.
Yeah.
Interesting.
I don't know.
I think that Tyson is beyond a race.
I think we also are so aware of the shit he went through now
that we're like, I guess give him some grace.
You think he's ascended?
Do you think he's like OJ?
I think he's like Will Smith.
Will Smith isn't like black guy.
He's Will Smith.
And I think Tyson isn't black guy that is named like Tyson.
We didn't take him. They're white now.
They're so famous that they're white.
No, they're just themselves.
You know what I mean? And I wonder if white guys
can do that too. Like if white guys
can stop. Like for example, The Rock. Nobody knows what
The Rock is, but because he's The Rock.
Even the Kardashians,
they're not really like white white,
but they're just so big that they're just
Kardashians. When you become the greatest at your thing, you just are you.
Yeah.
And that is the advantage of being white is you never have to leave that other identity that defines you completely.
Yeah.
So I was going to say, we don't look at George Clooney as not having a race because he's always just been white and successful and that's what it is.
Yeah.
You just get to be your identity.
When you're part of the majority, you just get to be your identity that you create in front of people.
He didn't have to escape a box or whatever.
He's George Clooney.
We've always been George Clooney.
Will Smith, we saw,
this black dude had his own TV show,
was a rapper,
and then he got bigger and bigger,
and he's like,
oh, nice, he's Will Smith.
Yeah, and apparently he would pick roles.
Apparently it was like a formula.
We're going to do this kind of movie,
then this kind of movie,
then this kind of movie. But but specifically that removed race from the role
interesting like he's like you see bagger vance no he's pretty is that a movie about a not sport
he's pretty black in that one yeah yeah no of course he's gonna be black in all the fucking
movies but he's not playing like this is a stereotypical it was the one movie the one movie i wish he'd considered
race when he took that one because it's like the way you're doing this buddy i know how you thought
there's no race involved but looking like you look being a fucking caddy yeah it's some race
involved all right fair enough i didn't see that one but you know the rest he probably picked it
thinking this is just a good script i don't't want... They asked him to be the fucking Neo in the Matrix. Yeah, that would have been cool.
Yeah. Yeah, I think Keanu...
I mean, maybe this is like hindsight.
I think Keanu needed to be that guy that's all kind of
spaced out and unaware of what's happening.
I think Will Smith would have been too cool.
Man, Will Smith would have been cool, though.
As Neo? Yeah, but he'd be
too funny and charming.
Will's got to be weird and spacey.
That's what I'm saying. Will Smith is like, he's the coolest motherfucker in the room men in black was even though he was like kind of a
dummy he was still fucking cool yeah you know what i mean and neo wasn't isn't supposed to be that guy
i don't think but yeah maybe we're just looking at it now the movie we love has to be this way
yeah but he also turned down he did he did no matrix so he could do wild wild west i think yes
yeah what a fucking move and then he turned down inception he turned no Matrix, so he could do Wild Wild West, I think. Yes. What a fucking move.
And then he turned down Inception.
He turned down the Quentin Tarantino Django because he wanted to kill Leo.
I'm glad that's Jamie Foxx.
Yeah, Jamie killed that.
Yeah.
But that's the thing.
It's like when you're that, when you're the guy, you get offered every movie.
Yeah, that's true.
Or at least it gets floated.
What's that?
It'll get floated.
It might not be like an actual deal, but it'll get brought up like, oh, yeah, we have this
person in a meeting.
It will be.
I bet you it's even a deal if it's a big, big budget movie like that.
I bet you every, who is it?
I think Chris Rock even said like every year they want Tom Hanks to host the Oscars.
Right?
And he says no.
And then how many people need to say no before I do it?
Right.
But like every year you want the main guy.
Yeah.
And he was the main guy.
So every movie you're like,
yeah, I think Will Smith can probably fuck him.
Well, I know Django.
The studio formula was Will Smith, Brad Pitt.
Brad Pitt was actually above Will Smith, Will Smith, DiCaprio.
Will Smith, Brad Pitt, DiCaprio.
And he was voted a penalty.
So even Leo, you know like
you know like
if you'll get like
a spot somewhere
you'll get like
a weekend somewhere
because someone bailed
somebody dropped out
even Leo
goes through that
yeah
like
in order for you
to do a weekend
at fucking hyenas
or something like that
I remember I was doing
a weekend at hyenas
someone would bail
like you come in
a week before
and then the club's
fucking upset
that you don't sell tickets
it's like yeah
you had Brad Garrett
on the fucking poster
while I was still
at the club
asshole there's no way we're gonna sell fucking tickets but that's like, yeah, you had Brad Garrett on the fucking poster while I was still at the club, asshole.
There's no way we're going to sell fucking tickets.
But Leo had got to go through that shit to do Inception.
The fact that you said Brad Garrett
lets me know that's a real story.
It might have been Brad Garrett.
It might have been Brad Garrett, dude.
Because nobody ever thinks of Brad Garrett as a stand-up.
Bro, I didn't know that was his real voice, dude.
No, he lowers it for the show. Oh, he does. It's a his real voice, dude. No, he lowers it for the show.
Oh, he does.
It's a little bit higher in real life.
Then he lowered it for the show.
He killed that shit.
That's one of the better stand-ups in a sitcom.
Like, normally they're not good at being someone else or just themselves.
He played that shit very well.
I didn't even know he was a stand-up.
I was shocked he was a stand-up.
Dude, there's a...
I don't even know if I want to share it because I don't want to, people do it more but the first show in san diego oof like i like to pause i heard about this
i like to fucking pause okay i take my pause but when you're in a fucking theater and there's
2 000 people there and these people are fucking drunk you know what i mean who knows what's going
on so i'm in this pause and then somebody starts to yell.
Another person starts to yell something.
And then a few people start.
So I just get fucking upset.
I just go, man, I'm not going to fucking go.
And I'm just staring at them.
And I'm like, eventually they're going to get uncomfortable, and they're going to realize they should probably stop talking.
The old Hitler.
What is that?
Hitler used to do.
Really?
I thought he just yelled at them.
No, he paused.
Really?
Is it worse that it came naturally for you?
True, yeah.
You were like, I just thought that was the natural thing to do.
Great public speakers, guys.
Listen, we're going to have some things in common.
I'm going to move over about four feet if I want to.
It's true.
You heard it from the Jew.
You said it very Jewishly.
We're being objective here. It was very good. heard it from the jew uh you said it very jewishly so these people are like yelling stuff i'm not saying anything and then eventually it gets like
very i mean like it's obvious that i'm not talking they're yelling and what are we talking
about here like a couple minutes so long that i took my phone out after 30 seconds when i got
awkward filmed for probably a minute and then put was so long that I took my phone out after 30 seconds when it got awkward,
filmed for probably a minute
and then put my phone away
and then took it back out
and filmed again.
It could have been five minutes.
No.
It was silent?
It could have been five minutes, yeah.
It was so long,
I walked from the cameras
to backstage
to check,
is everything okay?
I thought something went off.
I don't think a lot of,
at least in the city, if something's annoying, I't think a lot of like at least in the city
like if something's annoying i'm usually behaved pretty well in the clubs in the city you know
because like people are coming out for everybody else you know but like what are you
i behave myself i thought he was having a stroke you're not an asshole but you're not like hey you
know i'm usually i won't kick the whole row out. I'll kick the whole row out.
And if I'm on the road, the whole row can go.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like I have a thing that I do, like if people keep talking.
You're hitting my standards.
No, no, no.
You're eliminating sections.
The whole thing goes.
Wow.
No, and I have a rule where if somebody keeps talking,
not only do they have to go,
the people around them that enabled that also have to go.
I'll be honest, Also very Nazi-like.
They'd be like, they were partisans.
We're killing the whole town.
Technically, it's North Korea.
He's cleansing.
He cleanses the room.
Multiple generations.
Okay?
Everybody gets punished.
You allowed this to happen.
You sit right next to me talking the whole show.
You go too.
Yeah.
And the person next to you.
And they control the banks.
And it's like... A lot of that is true. When do we stop it like a lot of that is true when do we stop come on we need to protect
we need to protect you are a fucking dictator so
i'm sitting there i'm just standing aside people are starting to yell stuff and i think it's about
to like die down right and then all of a sudden it dies down
and then all of a sudden this one guy in the back goes uh be silent if you're gay
son it fucking broke me dude it fucking broke me there's nothing i could do. And I laughed. And I literally just had to go, fuck. It was good.
You gave it up, though.
This is a true comic in your day.
You were so pissed, but a good joke.
And there's nothing I could do.
If I stay silent, I'm gay.
I'm not gay, guys.
I don't want you to know.
And if I
don't acknowledge it at all, there's
no coming back from it.
No.
So that was it.
But fuck, man.
Yeah, sometimes they get you.
Now, anybody listening to this, we are absolutely infuriated when you guys do this shit.
So shut the fuck up.
Yeah, it's the worst.
It really is the worst.
Well, don't tell them that either.
No, no, no, no, no.
They should know.
They should know.
Yeah.
Some people have never been to a comedy show and then they think that they're fucking helping.
Yeah, some people really think they're helping.
This guy got me Friday night, Phoenix.
I get done.
There's a guy out at the bar, and I'm walking by him, and he goes,
that was the worst fucking show I've ever seen in my life.
And I thought he was so serious, I thought he was joking.
So I was like, oh, thanks for coming out, man.
He was like, no, that was a piece of shit show.
Me and my wife walked out, and we've been out here the whole time.
Waiting. Why? Dude, I have no idea. I couldn't figure out why it could have been the navy seal stuff to
be honest i think it was i think it was he looked like you tell them that you were you went to west
point what what would that mean i was there for three weeks i was there for three weeks
but you played for fucking air force army. No, I quit right away.
Oh, I thought you were like in a,
I thought you were a jarhead.
No.
No.
Anyway, I get out there.
This guy hits me with,
this looks like the guy who served?
Yeah.
This looks like the guy who did,
mashed potatoes.
This guy defended our country.
That's what I served.
Could have been in the culinary section for sure.
But I don't know.
I thought you i thought
you did your time this guy hit me with that was the worst fucking show i've ever seen he looked
like and i i like i usually don't get mad but i was like you're a fucking pussy like right to his
face in front of his wife and people had to like separate us after the show wow did he do anything
no he didn't well either did i but no i called him a pussy and that was the end of it but then
he has to do something to you to prove he's not a pussy
I know I was surprised
I didn't get punched
he's a pussy
yeah it turns out
he's a pussy
yeah you were right
he was like a big
55 year old man
who would have
and it sucked too
because it was right
in front of the line
skin color
white
but he was from Phoenix
so like dark leathery
yeah
and there was a
the line for the next show
was right there watching
oh fuck
this guy's like
that was the worst piece of shit
I've ever seen
and then you fight
and then I get in a fight with him
and everyone was like
holy shit dude
it's gonna be a wild show
and the second show
was great
the second show
was gonna be so fire
yeah it was fun
because you won
because you called him a pussy
no it doesn't matter
he won
he won the war
why did he win the war
why
well maybe he's still dwelling on it He got all the pussy in front of his
wife and didn't win it. He might still be dwelling
on it. I see why he didn't serve in war. I don't
think you know how to win wars, buddy.
Well, I would have done well in the United States
then.
You fucking sellout.
Shout out to the Taliban. We did it, baby.
We back.
Taliban home.
But no, he won the war because I'm still thinking about it.
Because you know what fucked me up?
You don't think he's thinking about it?
I hope he's thinking about it.
But what bothered me was I don't know what he was mad at.
If I knew which one.
Because it's not like the show was bad.
It was a good show.
The crowd liked it.
But there was one thing I said that must have. Yeah, because here's not like he the show was bad it was a good show the crowd liked it but there was
one thing i said that must have yeah because here's the thing people that are going to your
shows still don't know you yeah so you have a certain amount of people they're just going there
to laugh yeah right with no expectation what they're about to hear yeah you know and um then
you start rooting for the taliban and. To remain. And people are like.
And it could be. I get it.
No, I understand.
And if people don't like the show, I tell them, like, leave.
It's not a.
Yeah.
I won't be offended if you don't like the show and leave.
Yeah.
It is.
But if you get offended and then wait outside of the bar and then call it, like, walk up
and be like, we're fucking sure.
You have to think about what a loser that is, though, that on a Friday or Saturday night.
Yeah.
They don't have better things
to do than sit there
and wait for you to tell you.
Stop it.
They paid the whole night
for the babysitter.
They're not gonna let her off early.
Go eat dinner somewhere.
They had some drinks
waiting for him.
You can't get food?
I'm going to the club
for two hours.
Yep.
Whether we watch him or not,
I'm gonna be there for two hours.
He must have waited
a half hour at least.
Half hour.
Just sat there just like,
I'm gonna tell him.
I'm gonna tell him.
He can still kind of hear the jokes.
He can hear the laughs.
Every time a waitress opens the door, you just hear it coming.
So the Taliban.
This motherfucker.
Yeah, this is a guy that doesn't know Twitter exists.
You know what I mean?
You just go home and talk shit.
Just Yelp.
Also true.
Yeah, DMs.
That would have hurt more.
Like a public tweet.
Yeah, but if it was contained.
Yeah, he's an older guy.
He's 55 years old.
I hope it worked.
I hope he's,
and it wasn't like a sheepish,
you're a pussy.
I wasn't like,
yeah, well, you're a pussy.
Yeah, you wanted it.
I was literally like,
you're a fucking pussy.
Yeah.
It was nice.
But he actually.
And he could have socked me.
I would have.
It would have been funny.
Going on stage after he got punched in the mouth last show was all right
if you get offended please leave don't physically don't physically assault me please
but weirdly isn't it kind it's almost what you want them to do like you don't want him to have
that interaction during the show and i'm sure that's happened to you before. Yeah.
Last time I was there.
That room.
Really?
Yeah.
Same guy.
Probably.
He's like, I gave you a second chance.
Dude, there was a guy who yelled the N-word last time I was there.
White or black?
White.
He was related to Shane, obviously.
No, this was...
It wasn't...
It wasn't what I was saying.
The fuck?
He wasn't one of my favorites.
What have you been on these years?
No, what happened?
There was a comedian before me that was black that was doing a joke about fucking a white
chick and her saying the N-word or something like that.
It wasn't...
10 minutes later, this guy's just like, how come we can't say it?
Oh my God.
And the comedian had Asperger's, so he was very like, wait, whoa.
Who, who, who?
What?
What are you saying?
And the guy was like, how come I can't say no?
And everyone in the room was just like
what the fuck and i was about to go on i was standing there just like
shows oh and that ruined the show he got kicked out obviously he said it once or twice and his
wife started chanting biden wait like ironically i guess like biden yeah he was like this is
biden's america we're not even allowed to say the N-word in public anymore.
Liberals ruin this country.
Dude, liberals ruin it.
You're not allowed to scream the N-word in the middle of a show.
I brought that up.
Bring that up in Arizona next time you're there.
It'd be like, Trump lost here, right?
The whole crowd would be like, no, he didn't.
Freak out.
I was like, you guys got to let him go, dude.
Let it go. So did the comic explain why they couldn't say it, no, he didn't. Three count. I was like, you guys gotta let him go, dude. Let it go.
So did the comic explain why they couldn't say it?
No, he couldn't.
He was autistic.
From Love on the Spectrum?
It was not Sam would have got right into it.
Sam would have been like, we can say it.
We can do whatever we want.
No, it was Michael was like, well,
we're not allowed to say it. It's not good. Who was the comic? I forget his name. No, it was Michael was like, well, we're not allowed to say.
It's not good.
Who's the comic?
I forget his name.
Oh, he was a local.
He was a local guy, yeah.
Got you.
Oh, man.
Did you mention it when you came back home?
Yeah, I did 10 minutes on it.
What'd you say?
You have to.
Just like, hell yeah.
Michael Richards just went for it.
Hell yeah, brother.
Started a show from the balcony.
I said, bring it back in, dude.
Bring that Patriot back in.
Don't kick him out.
He's going to love my set.
No, what did you say?
I forget.
I just think.
I remember thinking about like that was like a ride or die lady.
The lady that like her husband yells the N word and she's like, yeah.
Like she's sitting there with him like, pussies.
You guys want Joe Biden?
When she said Biden after he got kicked out?
Chanted it while getting kicked out.
Because they're both getting kicked out.
I was wondering if you left her there.
That'd be weird.
But it probably wasn't shocking to her that he said that word.
Definitely not.
That's a couple that's going to make it, yo.
Say what you will about them.
You're not getting divorced.
Hey, guys.
We're fast-forwarding this part because it's too boring for your ears.
Trust us.
Okay. Listen, we got to wrap for your ears. Trust us. Okay.
Listen, we got to wrap this fucking podcast up, Shane.
Okay?
We got to wrap this up.
All right?
Is there anything that you'd like to say before we finish this?
Anything to plug?
Where are you going to be at this weekend?
Actually, Zany's Chicago.
When's this come out?
When's this podcast come out?
Tomorrow.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
But that is sold out.
Woo! God damn. Let's go. Let's go. Are we in? When's this come out? When's this podcast come out? Tomorrow Oh okay Yeah But that is sold out Woo
Okay alright
Chill
Let's go
All weekend?
About 80 tickets
All weekend
Yeah
Let's go
Yeah
And then
I shouldn't
Why not?
And then after that
Don't
Don't
Don't
Don't
What?
I'm not gonna let
You hate us with I shouldn't share I shouldn't I shouldn't I't don't what i'm not gonna let you hate us with the i shouldn't share
i shouldn't i shouldn't i shouldn't share what i'm doing after and what i'm doing after chicago
i shouldn't share it's just a dream come true
cool man so uh matt james matt james secret podcast go listen to it i'll be back on thursday
i've been gone for a month people are mad that I've been out doing every other single fucking podcast
except my own.
But I'll be back.
So you just don't do the episodes when you're gone?
Yeah.
Literally, we've never missed a fucking week
and people are like,
what the fuck, where is he?
I'll be there.
You guys got the Patreon popping, right?
Yeah.
Patreon, Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast.
There you go.
Good shit, man.
Anything else you need me to plug for you?
Yeah, I'm not good at this stuff.
Gillian Keeves, go watch that.
Yo, go check out the sketches.
Sketches are great.
Okay?
What else am I forgetting?
I don't know.
I feel like I've been forcing you to talk for the last hour and a half.
I'm podcasting out, dude. I did 30 goddamn podcasts. So don't come on. I like't know. I feel like I've been forcing you to talk for the last hour and a half. I'm podcasting out, dude. I did 30
goddamn podcasts.
So don't come on.
I didn't waste your time.
Do it first.
We're sitting here looking up IMDB for 40 minutes.
We're sitting on the fucking podcast.
So we just talk about movies. That's what we do.
I think Urban Meyer was innocent.
I think...
What else we got up here?
Alex Jones has to pay Sandy Hook.
I don't like that.
Are you guys saving these
for the Patreon, my bad?
Now?
Shaq rules.
Squid Game stinks.
That's all we need, I guess.
Good.
Movies suck.
Movies you guys like suck.
Guys, that's been an episode of Flagrant 2.
This is Shane Gillis.
Make sure you go check him out.
Gilly and Keeves is the YouTube page, not Shane Gillis.
Yeah.
So if you want to go check out the sketches,
you want to check out the stand-up special,
all his stuff is there.
Check out McKeever and check out McCusker.
Yeah.
I love McCusker.
Yeah, he's great. Good guy. Check check out mccusker yeah i love mccusker yeah he's great
good guy check them out absolutely great stuff um i love you i love you buddy i love you guys
no you don't i do no you fucking phoned it in you think i phoned it in yeah i didn't think
you had a lot of that energy i was banking on you guys you guys are usually fucking yeah well
we do this all the time i just ignore this all the time. We can just ignore you. Energy's also contagious.
Start over.
Run it up right back.
You mailed it in, bro.
Sometimes you mail in a podcast.
No, you know.
I didn't know that until just now.
Oh, I mailed it in, dude.
I've mailed in like 12 straight podcasts.
I'm done.
But like eight minutes in.
I'm done.
Into the eight straight podcasts. Yeah. I'm done. But like eight minutes in. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done.
I'm done.
I'm done.
I'm done.
Into the eight straight
takes or some shit.
Into the eight straight
podcasts you mailed in.
I'm done.
I'm done.
Tell me.
I want to talk to these
guys.
I'm looking at you like,
Sometimes you think
you're going to have it.
I did too.
We started talking about
the retards early.
I'm like, oh, this is
going to go great.
I had it.
I was already, I was
like, this guy's really
not, he's really making
us pull it off.
We were working.
I was waiting for you
guys. Get it going. We got working. I was waiting for you guys.
Get it going.
We got it going.
All right, what did you get it going on?
Review the tape.
Retards.
I did the retard stuff.
I brought it up.
And then you asked me things like, what's going on in space?
No, you said space dementia.
You weren't exactly the best fucking interview.
You said space dementia.
That's a dumb line from a movie you said was elite.
I said that that might be true. You could said space dementia. That's a dumb line from a movie you said was elite. I said
that that might be true.
You could experience space dementia.
Hey Shane, can I ask you a question? You said you watch
this podcast all the time. We're always high energy.
What the fuck changed this time that everything
got brought down? I don't know. It's 5 to 1!
It's 5 to 1!
You're the parasite!
You're the parasite!
We have energy!
Is it 5 to 1?
Fuck it. Hell yeah!
Snake motherfuckers.
It's 5 to 1. You mailed it in a little, man.
I'll hear the Shane side. I'll hear both sides.
Thank you.
Mark, if you don't shut the fuck up, dude.
I don't know. We'll see.
You mailed it in a little bit.
I'll be honest with you, I did.
That's all I needed.
That's all I needed.
You know, sometimes you don't have it.
Well, I hope you guys enjoyed Shane's personal and the appearance on Flaker 2. I've been talking about how great Shane is for fucking months.
Yeah, I come on here.
I've been literally saying, yo, you guys are fucking hilarious.
Go check out the specials, the things.
And you come on here and just take a fucking dump.
I'll tell you what did it.
First couple minutes of compliments put me in a shell.
Oh, you're such a f***ing shell a little bit.
Oh, come on, dude.
You were too nice.
I like that.
You were too nice.
We were too complimentary?
No, it was nice.
It was great.
It was a fun time.
Son, I come on here as a brown guy and say you have a great bit supporting Al Qaeda.
You know what kind of fucking limb I just walked out on for you?
That's a good point.
And then you gave nothing.
You were like, meh.
Well, listen.
You want me to do the bit?
What is this, morning radio?
Hey, what in the hell shit are you talking about?
Please don't.
Please don't.
Go ahead.
What was that bit you were talking about?
You motherfuckers.
Hey, here's some energy.
That's all that's.
He's sitting there in silence for an hour and a half. Get this fucking squid game. Is that what this is? You motherfuckers hey here's an interview he's sitting there in silence for an hour and a half
get this fucking squid game
you motherfuckers
at least he's giving us energy
yeah
this is good
we should have came at him
the whole fucking time
let's fight
I hate this
I totally get that guy
at your show
yeah I agree with him
completely
I agree with him completely
at first I was like
what a piece of shit
now I get it
we hung out for 30 minutes and then we told him he sucked.
Now he's on fire.
We're just trashing him.
Now he's on fucking fire.
NPM's going to be great.
We're restarting the pod.
We're restarting the pod.
We were going to do it anyway.
If you thought it was bad, I will restart it.
Not enough chromosomes.
How do you feel about it?
Any cool shows or something?
Chromes?
Chromes.
I support it. I have
yeah, Down Syndrome.
You might have Down Syndrome.
I may.
We were too soft.
We were too soft up front because
I wanted it to be really good for you.
I wanted it to be really good for you.
I think it'll be fine.
We can't do that with you.
Because I love. And I wanted this to be really good. I think it'll be fine. We'd be with love normally. I led with fucking love. We can't do that with you. Because I love.
Yeah.
And I wanted this to be so good.
And it wasn't.
You don't love.
When you roast us, that's your peak.
Yeah.
You started by putting him in a fucking coffin.
And then we're like, all right, let's start.
Yeah, that's the energy.
I liked it.
And then it was just like, well, this match we made was so good.
Here we go!
Now the house is on fire!
Yeah, so maybe I should have just came at your fucking neck.
Tom Brady's the greatest athlete of all time.
Well, I looked at you and you were just sitting there in silence.
I was like, fuck it.
I guess we'll go to the notes.
I thought we'd have maybe like five minutes of banter what do you
want to say dude i don't know like the shit we talk about what's going on austin was fun we should
have talked about that yeah getting fucked up together i had to try to figure out a scooter
yeah those things are difficult yeah oh that was fun jesus christ guys these are fun topics you
can laugh at stop it dude i fucking him. What else do you like?
I really wish that we had something.
Why?
Is there a time limit?
Just keep it rolling.
Yeah, we're going to keep it rolling.
Keep it rolling, dude.
What are you guys drinking?
What is this?
You guys got anything you want to plug?
What up, guys?
Important news.
The Infamous Tour continues.
That is right.
Thank you so much.
Everybody came out in Vegas.
Whoa, this weekend, we are going to be in Louisville, Kentucky. Never performed in Kentucky before, the infamous tour continues that is right thank you so much everybody came out in vegas whoa this
weekend we are going to be in louisville kentucky never performed in kentucky before so we're out
there in louisville and we're in cincinnati ohio still some tickets left make sure you go get them
shits immediately dandrewschultz.com go get them we also added shows in a bunch of other cities
indianapolis washington dc san francisco chic, Chicago make sure you go get them right now
dandrushultz.com
add in more cities very soon
announcement on that
and Akash why don't you tell them
yo first of all thank you to everybody who came out in Houston
it was fucking ill we sold out two shows
which is great we were originally just going to do one
and then I just kept buying tickets
so that was dope as fuck
New York Comedy Club tomorrow.
We're filming a little something special.
Those shows are also sold out.
But Mark and I will see you there.
If you want to get tickets to shows where they're still available, October 21st through 23rd,
I'm going to be in New Brunswick, New Jersey at the Stress Factory.
It's one of my favorite clubs.
We're going to fucking kill it.
Go there.
November 6th, we're going to belanta for the red clay comedy festival december 9th through 11th dc i'm coming
to you at the comedy loft january 7th and 8th i'm gonna be at hyenas in dallas that was originally
gonna be in december but we had to move it but we're gonna start off 2022 kicking ass and taking
names so get tickets at akash singhh.com. Alex, hit it.
And I just want to say thank you to everyone who has been booking time and consult with me at wtfmediastudios.com.
Really appreciate it.
Keep doing your thing.
Wtfmediastudios.com.
And now let's get back to the show.
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Now let's get back to the show.
How's that?
Where's your top five coolest guys on earth?
Nicolas Cage.
Nicolas Cage.
Actually, Denzel might be.
Denzel's up there. McConaughey is cool as fuck mcconaughey is cool as fuck not no he's swagged out he's really cool
i mean really talented but i don't know if he's you don't think a white guy's gonna crack the top
five dude i already gave you nicholas cage do you consider him oh i was joking i don't think
nicholas cage is top five coolest guys coolest Oh, 100%. Coolest guys. Yeah. The coolest guy.
He's literally the coolest guy.
You see how he dresses?
I did see him blacked out in the casino, and I was a fan.
There you go.
Urban Meyer after that tape.
Urban Meyer.
Pretty cool.
Did you see that video?
Innocent man.
Going for Jags.
Being assaulted by a woman.
Just getting grinded on by a fucking hot ass chick.
Yeah.
Baller.
I like it.
While his wife is posting about giving the kids a bath.
No.
Is that what's happening?
And she said something like, he deserved a night off or something like that.
And she was like, I'm out cleaning.
And it was before that got posted, but it was the same night.
God bless football wives, bro.
Dude, the most loyal.
It's like, and also being Urban Meyer's wife is probably so nice in the community.
Like, you're not paying for a single fucking thing.
There's always a parking spot, always a reservation.
It's like, are you really going to give that up because some blonde bimbo is just twerking
I didn't even think about that because he's a god in Florida where they love college football,
but they don't give a fuck about the Jags.
Yeah.
But when he leaves to coach the Jacksonville Jaguars, he's still in Florida.
He's still where he's worshipped for winning that championship at U of F.
Yeah.
Even though he left because he may have had sex with an athlete, a female athlete.
But the point is, that's the rumor.
It was a female volleyball player he had sex with or something like that.
They're the hottest.
Knows how to pick them?
I mean, hey, come on.
Good God, dude.
He went to OSU, didn't he?
He knows how to pick them.
He picks winners.
Florida's volleyball team, I'd like to take a gander at them right now.
Now I'm back on my Michael bullshit.
Bringing him up They're beautiful women
I'd love to share my spirituality with them
We really did need a trash Shane
I know
We just need to trash him
Fuck Shane
You're like the Black Panther suit
Yeah I'm a lot like the Black Panther
I said the suit
I didn't say the Black Panther I am a lot like the Black Panther. I said the suit. I didn't say the Black Panther.
I am a lot like the Black Panther.
You see how you assault him and then he's absorbed?
And then he fucking smacks back.
It's great.
You're like Captain America's shield.
Is that better?
Yeah, I like that.
Although they're making him black now.
Yeah.
Nah.
How about that?
That's where you draw the line?
I don't like those movies either.
You guys probably like that.
What's that?
The Avengers and stuff?
Female Ghostbusters? That shit stunk. You guys probably like that. What's that? The Avengers? The female Ghostbusters?
That shit stunk.
You guys like Avengers superhero stuff?
Yes.
Yeah.
All right.
Those are for fucking mongoloids.
All right.
I hate to tell you this.
Oh, God.
Just beep it, but just use the sound of Sam.
There it goes. That's X-rated, too. Yes. Oh, my sound of Sam. There it goes.
That's X-rated, too.
Yes.
Oh, my God.
Okay, guess which one.
Go.
I mean, this is probably this year's team.
This is 2021, yeah.
Hold on, hold on.
Finish this point about the mongolids.
This is 2021.
About the superhero movies?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you'd have to be a fucking idiot to watch this.
You don't think it's possible that the the talent most talented writers and directors and and filmmakers
in history are all working and driving towards one movie that is absolutely perfect with an
endless budget you don't think it's possible that it's good do you think the perfect movie
is the event literally those last two movies were unbelievable all of them unbelievable
tell me how believable oh man all is me how believable. Oh, man.
All is lost.
We're never going to make it.
That's every movie.
Whoa, a hero comes back.
Hey, we did it, gang.
That's every movie.
That's every movie.
Watch Manchester by the Sea.
All is lost.
End of movie.
And it stays long.
It's a good movie.
You like that because you're a Scottish-Irish fuck and you like misery.
Sad's good.
He loves sadness.
He's a loser, dude.
I wish your special bomb so you could have your Manchester by the sea.
Yeah, that's what you wanted.
It's coming.
No, it wasn't.
That's why we're here.
You are Avengers.
You're Endgame, you piece of shit.
You want everyone else to suffer around you while you get the success.
Thanos was the best.
He was amazing.
He was great.
Thanos was cool.
But that's what made the movie good, you dumbass.
Oh, you're right.
Yeah.
I didn't even realize how much you guys liked this. They have the understandable villains. Thanos was the best he was amazing he was great but that's what made the movie good you dumbass yeah they have the understandable villains
Thanos was great
why was he great
I don't know
I liked it
I like
you have no justification
for anything
no justification
for anything
none of your reasons
are real
why was Thanos great
yeah
why was he great
because he was willing
to kill his own
fucking daughter
to get it done
I like that
it's not even his daughter
or whoever it was adopted he threw her off it done. I like that. It's not even his daughter. Or whoever it was.
Adopted.
He threw her off a cliff.
Yeah.
I like that.
For the greater good.
Yeah, and I think he was right.
I think.
He's like, yeah, population control.
I'm a big Bill Gates guy.
I support all that eugenics.
Yeah.
But, no, that shit stunk.
I don't like that.
You know what I don't like?
It's like the sitcom-y, snarky, like Robert Downey Jr.
It's like a snarky way of comedy in these movies that just sucks.
Hold on, hold on.
Go on.
I'm just like, well, we have a Hulk.
Stuff like that.
How would you like them to present the Hulk?
I don't know.
More just like bumble into it or something like that?
If we only had a Hulk. I don't know. I like bumble into it or something like that if we only had
I don't know
I wish I could
articulate this
he doesn't like Iron Man
because Iron Man
likes himself
I was pumped
for the first Iron Man
you know why he was
uncomfortable
when you're talking
about how he did
a million views
and blah blah blah
because he wants
sadness at all times
he wants sadness
at all times
no I don't want sadness
if it's not sad
it sucks
you relished in it
it was nice
it was the greatest
I got the leg inside
he's the joker, bro.
It's all day.
He's like, I deserve nothing.
And then they took it away.
He's like, yes.
Exactly.
Finally.
No, Avengers, you have, yeah.
It's not.
I'm telling you, when you dig a little, if you just ask him why he has no, why is Parasite
good?
I don't know.
Parasite's, it's a great story.
I don't know what to tell you.
Great acting.
That's not a thing
you didn't say anything
you didn't tell me
you can't answer
you can't answer these questions
I can tell you why
Parasites
why is Avengers good
it's fun
yeah
it's fun
funny lines
you need funny lines
funny lines
stunk
great action scenes
oh you know what
here I will say this
what they had a Hulk
Guardians of the Galaxy ruled
first one was great
yes
you like that because there are ugly. And I actually didn't...
You like that because there are ugly people in it.
I didn't hate Suicide Squad.
That's the only reason you like that.
I didn't hate the new Suicide Squad.
Suicide Squad, they took the hot girl, made her uglier.
You love that.
I didn't hate that.
You like James Gunn.
Is that who's doing this?
James Gunn did Guardians and he did Suicide Squad.
Yeah.
And he's funny.
I liked the gratuitous violence with the comedy.
I thought that was funny.
Yeah.
But I don't like the Avengers comedy. I think you would have to be a stupid person yeah be like yeah yeah
largest grossing movie of all time yeah a lot of stupid people yeah big bang theory
yeah yeah great to be a fucking moron great show i'll be like this is hilarious great show
buddy buddy sheldon get out of here you guys don't think Sheldon's fantastic I've never I've
never watched it but I really want him yeah I can't wait to believe how bad it's like Ocean's
11th for science hey yo it's so true your face is very funny hey Sheldon thank you
why Sheldon is one of the greatest actors of all time.
The kid who plays Sheldon.
Are you guys fucking with me on purpose?
He's one of the greatest character actors I've ever seen in my life.
Young Sheldon?
Young Sheldon?
Jim Parsons, legend, bro.
Skinny legend.
Okay.
This is unbelievable.
Dude.
This is truly an unbelievable take.
Dude, you're so fucking great.
Dude, you are so fucking amazing.
You want to ruin the podcast?
Do you like Young Shows?
What do you want?
Okay, okay.
Thank you for ruining the podcast.
You just wanted to tell me there's no Facebook
for three hours. Oh yeah, why?
That's a story.
Oh, it's a story that came out.
Instagram's down right now.
These boomers have nothing to jerk off to.
What a story
are they gonna get their pro or my instagram my instagram reels are wild right now yeah oh my god
are yours mine are just the hottest girls ever every not the ones you're posting the ones you're
no no no the ones that my algorithm is full pedophile at this point yeah they locked me in
they are locking me in yeah the chinese yeah the chakrams are locking me into being a pedophile at this point. Isn't that weird that they can do that? Yeah, the Chinese.
The Jicoms.
The Jicoms are walking.
The Jicoms have locked me into being a pedophile.
But it is interesting.
There's nothing
I can do about it.
Do you think that's
what they're trying to do?
Yeah, they're trying
to box you in
and then get you in trouble.
Yeah, probably.
But yeah,
Instagram's down
and this is how addicted
I am to it.
Like three different times
in the Uber here,
I kept opening it.
To see maybe.
Just kept opening.
Not even to see.
I'd be like, oh yeah, it's closed.
Then I'd go back to the other shit on my phone.
Just mindlessly go on it.
And go to Instagram.
Yeah.
And I'd be like, oh yeah, it's down.
I'm incredibly addicted,
but somehow I haven't been on it.
But yeah, I do it all the time.
Mindlessly, I mean to do something else,
and I'm like, why am I on Instagram?
Why am I on Twitter?
What am I doing?
Dude, you're so good at Instagram.
Yeah?
You're so good at it.
I'm not good at any of the internet.
Except finding young women on it.
The algorithm doesn't work.
What does your social page look like right now?
If you were to describe it.
If I opened it, it's probably college football and then girls doing dances.
That's all it is.
Oh my gosh.
Which is nice.
Yeah.
Are you complaining or do you seem upset about it?
Except every time
I'm in public
I can't look at it
because I look like
a fucking
psycho
the genius though
about the algorithm
is you don't feel guilt
I do feel guilt
but no you could say
ah they got it wrong
oh true
it's not my fault
they keep sending me
these gorgeous girls
they're putting the thing
that you want to see
in front of you
without you typing in
young girls.
It's also a good explanation to your girl.
I haven't Googled that.
Zuckerberg, that fucking pervert.
He's a perv, dude.
Why would you even show me that?
That's not my problem.
You know what's fucked up?
It's like that we make them sing and dance.
Young girls?
Yeah, it's almost like that.
Like, you know, walk for cancer or whatever.
Like the leukemia thing.
Because if they don't, they get trashed.
You ever see a girl that's just hot and just dancing?
No, mine is just them tied up.
Wait, what?
I'm kidding.
They're just tied and bound.
What?
But if they're just hot, they get pissed.
Like, people in the comments will be like, oh wow, really just hot, you don't do anything?
But if they go like this.
And then they're like, ah, sick.
Then all of a sudden they're a superstar.
So we found like the minimal amount that we need hot girls to do.
Just copy the dance.
In order to not be criticized.
Do the black chick dance.
Because then we feel like pieces of shit.
Yeah.
We feel like pieces of shit if we're just looking.
That's what we were saying like when we were in Vegas.
Like when we saw like, I actually thought DJing was hard.
Like mixing and blending the songs.
No, I never thought that.
And then I saw.
It can be.
Maybe it can be. But and then I saw fucking hot girls starting to DJ. And I was like, they must the songs. I never thought that. And then I saw. It can be. Maybe it can be.
But,
and then I saw fucking hot girls starting to DJ
and I was like,
they must have figured this shit out.
Yeah.
And now it's like,
hot girls and like celebs
that can't do standup,
that's the thing.
Yeah.
Just DJ.
I'm going to DJ a nightclub,
get a quarter million dollars
in fucking Las Vegas
and then we out of here.
Yeah.
Easiest money to be made possible.
Yeah.
Right?
So what is the minimum amount of work that you have to do to make money yeah girls this yeah
guys i don't know what it is about the tiktok well it's because they're hot girls but
i like those dances yeah i like the face also face they make the like fucking have you ever
seen one in the wild you know have you ever seen one in the wild? Yeah.
Have you ever seen one happening in real life?
What about when they change outfits?
Oh, when they jump and change outfits?
You never know what's going to happen.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like you see them in the baggy stuff and you're like, well, what's going on?
She's not going to be hot.
I don't think it's going to be...
Where is this going to go?
Yeah.
She probably doesn't have huge tits.
What's she, perfect?
Oh my God, she's perfect.
And they surprise you every time.
They're always perfect.
Yeah. All right, guys, we need to take a break for a second because y'all are looking real dehydrated oh my god she's perfect and they surprise you every time they're always perfect yeah
all right guys we're gonna take a break for a second because y'all looking real dehydrated
out there and we need to switch that shit up immediately i mean this sincerely okay
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using the promo code flagrant at liquidiv.com now let's get back to the show did you ever think about making any of yourself some fun tic-tacs dances no okay no i haven't considered you look like a
great dancer dude i can dance a little i cut a rug really oh yeah no i'll show you when we're done
okay like to show us now but i'm not gonna dance right now buddy don't buddy me don't buddy me
you're trying to set me up for failure. You hit me with a buddy.
Why don't you show us now, bud?
White people can dance when we ask them to dance.
It's black people that can't do that shit. You guys.
That would be very uncomfortable. Oh yeah, true.
That would be very, very uncomfortable.
You're just trying to prove us wrong.
About what? That I can dance?
Yeah.
I can't dance.
I can cut a rug.
No, I can't dance. Yeah. I can cut a rug. I can dance. I can dance.
No, I can't dance at all.
Yes.
Yeah, here we go.
Back to that screeching halt we had earlier.
Listen.
Listen.
Listen.
We got...
I'm complimenting him.
We gotta get...
Can we get under his skin again?
Dude, I hate Shane.
Yeah, fuck Shane.
That's not gonna work.
And his fucking cool sneakers.
Dude, when did you start wearing cool sneakers, dude?
I had to buy these, dude.
Four. These aren't that cool. Are you kidding? Are these cool sneakers, dude? I had to buy these, dude.
These aren't that cool.
Are you kidding?
Are these cool?
Alex has got them.
He does.
True.
You got the same sneakers as the black guy on the podcast that wears all the really cool sneakers.
So now Alex has to throw out those sneakers.
There's no way you can be seen with those sneakers again.
I got the better version of them.
How are they better?
Those are decent.
Like the colorway.
This is the only colors they had.
I usually shop at Models.
Yeah, I know.
100%.
They closed the Models on fucking Steinway, and it ruined my life.
Dude, I have the wildest fucking life schedule.
I don't do anything during the day.
So I'll wake up, I get coffee and then like the caffeine hits and i'm
like i gotta buy some new stuff and there's a footlocker right next to it and i walk into the
footlocker and panic i walk in the same people see me come in every day and they're like how are you
i'm like just looking i don't need help and then i walk out why daily why why what makes you walk
out i don't know oh i get i don't. I don't like being in malls or stores.
I'm starting to believe the Downs
a little bit.
Yeah, dude.
Stick the tongue out after you say that.
There might be something there.
There might be something there.
I will say this.
Downs guy would love the store.
Asperger.
That's more of an autism tick.
Is there high-functioning Downs?
What's the Asperger's of Downs?
There's definitely that.
What is it called?
Is it Asperger's?
Yeah, that's how they say it in Low and the Spectrum.
Oh, I suffer from Asperger's.
Actually, they wouldn't say suffer from.
That's wrong.
It's incorrect.
Well, why?
Because they're not suffering.
Oh, yeah, they're having the time of their lives.
Well, the autism, they're not.
Well, yeah, they seem to be having fun.
I happen to have.
I happen to have.
I happen to have autism.
Ah, me too.
What are your favorite colors?
Yeah.
I like red.
What are your favorite animals cats ah i'm a bit of a dog man
myself i mean that's the that's them days the fact you're able to recite it perfectly
that is how they do what they would do yeah dude i'm not autistic you don't think at all
on the spec have you ever taken a test or something for it? No. Why not?
Take an autism test?
Yeah.
What's the test?
I think you should take one.
Do you fucking panic at malls?
Yeah.
Yeah.
If you told me people with Asperger's panicked at malls, I'd be like, yeah, that makes sense.
Yeah, sure.
Flow of conversation can be tough sometimes.
I think you guys are fucked up.
It's our fault. Yeah. I'm sorry. One on five. One on five. What do you want me to up. It's our fault.
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
One on five.
What do you want me to do?
It's definitely one on five.
What do you want me to do?
I'll just entertain.
All right.
Man, I fucking love Avengers.
Is that that hard, Shane?
Is that that hard?
Finally.
Turn it on when you want.
Yeah.
That's all it takes.
You piece of shit.
Because you're acting like we've never hung out
on a not podcast before.
Guys, I'm having fun.
That makes one of us.
The time of my life.
What is the podcast normally like?
We bring up a thing, we bring up a race,
and then we say how it's connected.
Avengers is like Mexicans. Why, guys?
They just keep coming out with more.
Thank you.
This is good.
No, stop.
Good formula.
That's fun.
I like that.
What else you got?
We explain why stuff is gay a lot.
We like that.
We love that.
See, dude, this is my wheelhouse.
Why aren't we doing that?
Some true jokes?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Don't say roasted.
That might be a little bit insensitive.
Roasted.
Let's do a different one for that.
Bullying. That's better a little bit insensitive. Let's do a different one for that. Bullying.
That's basically the formula to what we do here.
Maybe we'll have an interesting conversation
about a YouTube video that you saw that week.
Something that taught you something
about the world and then the guys
will probably support it and encourage you
to bring up more conversations.
What other movies are racist?
I like the movies and racists.
I'm just realizing right now you're fully fucking autistic.
I never knew it.
I never knew it, dude.
He's normally drunk.
And that probably unlocks his personality, his humanity.
Or you just chalk up any of the weirdness to being drunk.
I'm just fucking drunk.
That's why he stared at me like this for like 30 minutes. Yeah.
He put his tongue on my elbow.
This whole time I just thought he was making fun of me.
All I want to do is go home and play video games.
That's all I'm thinking about.
We brought the video games to you, baby.
You want to see Autism?
You're about to see it.
What other movies?
What else we got? What else we got?
No, go back to making fun of us.
That was really good.
That worked out a lot too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nah, I don't want to make fun of you guys.
We're kind of sweet guys.
I like you guys a lot.
You're very sweet.
Yeah.
You guys are sweeter than people would think.
Ooh, I like that.
You guys are like fucking religious and like celibate.
Yeah.
I told him I was religious
and he laughed in my face.
I couldn't believe it.
Really?
Yeah.
Why?
Why are you so surprised?
I told him I don't eat beef
and he was just like, why?
And I was like,
I'm Hindu, we don't eat beef.
And he just started laughing.
He goes,
still,
he was like,
we're going to Cooper's.
We're going to barbecue.
We went to barbecue.
He got fucking like a piece of chicken.
Yeah.
He got chicken.
Oh, man.
But I like cows.
I think that's a fair thing.
I think you guys got that right.
Yeah.
Okay.
Thanks, Michael.
Yeah.
I'm a big fan of cows.
Yeah.
Perhaps my favorite animal.
Akash has only been with one woman in his life
I heard that
That's awesome
Yeah, one more than Shane
One day I hope to get a girlfriend
Yeah, I'll fall in love with a nice woman
I'll be the ideal man
He's so good, dude
One woman
I like that
Mark is very religious. Only one woman.
Yeah.
Exactly, dude. That's what I'm saying.
You guys are filming all these videos.
You're like, private jet, motherfucker.
Yeah.
And then it's like, they're actually like the Brady Bunch.
Yes.
They're actually like a sweet group.
I got a fiance.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
This is a degenerate right here.
Secretly just a good group of dudes.
Well, not secretly.
No, I would have guessed you guys were shitty.
In fact, while Mark was on stage, when I saw you guys perform i was like dude the pussy this guy
must get i literally was watching just like this kid must fucking clean up yeah yeah and then i
said that i do clean up i clean up alone in my
off my chest i'm like can someone get me a towel please yes so that was yes that's what i was
thinking yeah so favorite top five favorite songs what's your favorite top five favorite songs yeah
number one baby shark shark
so yes we're good guys. Good guys can have fun.
I know.
It's wholesome.
It's much more wholesome than I imagined.
One woman is incredible.
That's great.
That's good news.
That's the gospel.
That's the good news.
That's the gospel, yeah.
It is.
Are you religious?
I was raised Catholic.
Okay.
That means no.
That's a strong no. I love Catholicism.
When did you convert to Hinduism?
When I fell in love with cows.
Realized they were majestic.
No, I'm Catholic.
Really?
You're Catholic.
No.
He's not religious.
You weren't?
I thought the Scottish.
Raised without religion.
Yeah.
My mom is Protestant and Catholic.
Are you not pissed at your parents for that?
What's that?
That your parents are okay with you just going to hell?
I asked him about this. You gotta ask him. Like, Mom this you gotta ask him like mom hello i literally asked him about this i was like did you guys not want to give me a shot
i asked them and something you know something and they were like they basically just said
we were cool with you doing whatever they didn't have the best experience like a kid's gonna
discover a religion on like yeah i just got all my jewish friends bringing me to fucking bar mitzvahs
and that kind of shit and i'm just like okay am i going to go that direction like
no your nose got to lead you there for sure it might have it might have it definitely was pointing
what's the stick that leads you to water yeah a little water stick all right guys we're gonna
take a break for a second because you're not good at gaming you're not good at gaming and you could
be better at gaming matter of fact you could be better at doing anything that you need to do where you need focus and you need energy if you just fuck with gamer subs.
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Also, they got these fire ass, what are these things called, Akash?
Waifu?
No, but what do we call them in American?
Oh, it's a shaker.
A shaker.
Yeah, I think so.
Okay, a shaker.
A thermos?
Not really.
But these waifus, I'm telling you, bro.
A bad bitch shaker.
A bad bitch shaker is facts man these
waifus they got super hot chicks on them with the habit and they're going for hundreds of bucks on
ebay you could resell them shits if you want you can make a little bread i didn't say that you
could do that but that is a fact you could do that if you want to do it you should probably
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And get your whole spread.
Let's get back to the show.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wait, what's that?
I forget what those are called.
My neighbor's grandpa
got a well built in his yard
and they had a guy
come out with a stick
and it basically looks
like a giant wishbone
and he's able to find water
on the property
within like four feet
by holding the stick
and like following the water.
Wait, why?
What's in the stick?
Fucking magic.
It's magic. Is he native? No, he's just a regular old magic I don't know what
literally they use water sticks to find water and they're like shockingly
accurate and some people say it's pseudoscience like bullshit other people
are like no it's real also in Florida like how you gonna not hit water yeah
there's just water it should be there. Yeah, four feet down.
You hit it.
But yeah, no, apparently it's a real thing.
In Philly, probably also.
Yeah, you have that for your nose for being Jewish.
I do.
I can truffle it out.
Truffle pig.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
But who's put in the best bid for you to convert?
Probably some evangelicals.
Father Ben.
He put in a good bid?
I think he put in, yeah, who went full court press, bro?
There you go.
What do you mean?
No.
You're a blue chip prospect.
You're a blue chip prospect.
Hillsong.
Hillsong.
They almost got me, bro.
Don't do that.
You're some type of weird Christian.
Carl Lentz fumbled the fucking bag.
I'm a shit.
Are you a weird Christian?
Not as regular Catholic.
Catholic.
You're Catholic?
Big time.
Oh, my man.
Roman Catholic.
Come on, though. Yes, roman catholic yeah but my mom's
into it though she's like yeah it's like the new pope she wants like the old school latin mass yeah
that's actually nice yeah sspx you know new pope a little too open-minded i was afraid because you
guys dress cool yeah i was afraid you were gonna be in like the bieber super church type that's the
one that was trying to get me don't don't but my guy was the guy who got fucking clipped for
banging around with the other girls that's what now he's in yeah now you're like yeah it's a good
idea i actually heard the whole church might be coming out like the main guy got some shit too
so we could get into a position of leadership i could be the new leader yeah for having sex
yeah making love to a woman to a a woman. Discovering a body?
Yeah.
Discover a body?
There's one part in Love on the Spectrum
with this guy named Kelvin.
He's the Asian one.
Arguably the goat.
First off, he goes in his room
and starts drawing anime with giant tits.
The camera's sitting there.
He's like, please leave now.
He puts it off to the screen.
He has the most fascinating accent, though,
because it's Australian, Chinese, and autistic. it's all there's why he has a dating coach
and she comes in and she's like what do boyfriends and girlfriends do and he's like uh spend time
like he won't answer and the dad's like is it hugs and kisses he's like yes hugs and kisses
and the girl goes do you want hugs and kisses he? He goes, yes. It's so like,
yes, I want hugs and kisses.
So fucking bad.
Which at a certain point,
we have to hire prostitutes
who go pleasure
like people that can't.
What are the rules to that?
Well, I think
if it's asperges,
you should be allowed to.
Should you?
If it's a girl doing it to a guy, yes.
Sex therapy.
If it's a girl to a guy, yes.
If it's a guy to a girl yes if it's a guy to a
girl i'm like that's must be exploitative true yeah that's fucked and that might be my internalized
misogyny but also it feels weird to me no there's more of a biological drive yeah of course i'm
trying my best to do a global citizen yeah it's kind of like when you see like on love on the
spectrum one of those shows like autistic guy with down syndrome girl yeah i've never seen this
mixture bro's faking yeah there is one of them.
You saw the hot girl with Downs and was like, I gotta get in.
I gotta figure it out. Yeah.
That's Ocean 14.
I would definitely watch that.
Put the Downs in DTF.
He's like, let's fucking get this party started.
That's rock.
Wait a minute.
That happens?
There's a Downs person with a...
But it's completely on me, though, because there's two couples.
There's one couple where it's like...
The guy's normal.
The girl's autism.
And I'm like...
Are they like breeding?
Is it...
Are you making like...
Breeding?
Yeah, like a liger?
Is that what happens?
Is it to have qualities
a little bit of both of them?
Yeah.
I mean, can we just make
like the best fucking counter?
True.
You know what I mean?
Like, can we take
the great dominant traits
and pass those on or no?
Do midgets have autism or downs ever?
Sometimes.
Really?
We were asking if a midget ever had gigantism.
And apparently they have.
Someone DM'd me a link.
Yeah.
And I stood corrected.
Damn, what a bummer.
Yeah.
But anyway, we were talking about those two coming together.
Favorite food.
What's your favorite food?
Chicken wings.
Chicken wings.
I like chicken wings.
Mac and cheese.
He blew off a group hang in Austin.
This is real, to go eat chicken wings at like fucking midnight at some place.
Chicken wings?
Really?
Wait, what is this?
Why did I do this?
Between the first night.
I probably had a couple drinks.
Yeah, the first night.
And then I was like, buddy, we're eating at Cooper's or whatever.
And you're like, nah, I already got wings.
And I'm like, what are you doing?
And he was like, you know.
Munching wings.
You see, I don't know anything about wings.
That's a white man's game.
True.
Wings is a white man's game.
From Buffalo.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yes.
Buffalo?
Favorite city.
What's it?
Name the favorite city.
Go.
Favorite city?
Buffalo?
How about you? What's your favorite city? Also Buffalo Buffalo how about you what's your favorite city
also Buffalo
Buffalo
yeah
everybody loves Buffalo
we were on something though
mixing the
mixing the downs
yeah
it gives you a
tie gun
can they get pregnant
or is it like donkeys
oh yeah
they might be
sterile
I don't know
necessarily
I'm sure
they can get pregnant
whoa
whoa
whoa
whoa
what you're using very inhumane words to describe people literally sterile. I don't know necessarily. I'm sure they can get pregnant. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You're using very inhumane words to describe people. Literally.
Are they like donkeys? How do they breed?
Well, you didn't say, are they donkeys?
You said, are they like?
Yeah, because donkeys can't reproduce.
Not their fault. Well, mules, actually.
Are mules and donkeys the same thing?
Mules and horses? Because I think donkeys reproduce.
Or donkeys and mules create horses.
Or, Jesus Christ,
donkeys and horses
create mules, I think.
I thought it was
horses and mules
create donkeys.
Horses and mules
create donkeys.
It's one of those.
See, I'm not autistic.
If I was autistic,
I'd know that.
I don't know.
You proved it.
You proved it.
Proved it.
I'm the first dumb guy
without autism.
You didn't prove it
by having personality.
You proved it by not knowing something.
So wait, why are some of them so good at counting cards or whatever like that?
Rain Man.
Yeah, but is that like a random thing?
Or do they all have their own little specialty?
It seems fairly typical.
And some of them just happen to be elite at that one specific thing.
But they just have immense concentration and focus on one task that they can just become great at
if they have some sort
of predisposition or gift
to be great at.
And that's where you get
the savants.
But most of them,
if you just meet a regular
autistic person,
they'll have some passion
about something
and know above average
about that topic.
Dinosaurs.
If they love dinosaurs,
they know everything
about dinosaurs.
And they're just hyper-focused
about dinosaurs.
Everything's dinosaurs.
And so they'll know more
than you about dinosaurs.
How about Mark?
Mark's a bit of a paleontologist.
Yeah, he's a paleontologist, Mark.
He takes a girl on a date to
a dinosaur museum and he's like,
you may recognize this dinosaur from the
smash hit Jurassic Park.
It's a velociraptor.
And the girl's autistic too. She's like,
no, I don't know what you're talking about.
It's very straightforward. But it's hard for them to date
because they'll have different passions.
So one's like, I love dinosaurs. the other one's like i love cars and it's like how like they
and they can't i don't know how to have a conversation with this person and so literally
their only thing when they're talking is like all right my like i'm okay with any woman as long as
we have the same passion and then as like more and more episodes go by yeah literally he'll be like
i'm fine with any woman even if she doesn't have my passion. And that's like a major growth. That's like, wow.
Even if she doesn't care for dinosaurs.
Now, do you have to be careful what type of stimulus they experience at a young age?
Yeah, they could be into Asian mango with huge tits.
And then that's all they draw.
So can you put that in?
Like, can you decide what your kid's going to be an expert in?
You love editing YouTube clips.
Boom.
Yes.
Get moving. Isn't subtitling fun? Exactly You love editing YouTube clips. Boom. Yeah. I'm the subtitle.
Isn't subtitling fun?
Exactly.
Yeah, it's your favorite.
Yeah.
This is good.
Then just make a little army.
You'd almost prefer it.
Your kid comes out normal
and you're like, fuck.
Bro, that's where the stormtroopers
might have been, dude.
What do you mean?
You know, from Star Wars.
Autistic?
Yeah.
Just tizzed out?
Tizzed out.
One specific focus.
Unbelievable at it.
That's what the Jedi's were,
I think. Because the stormtroopers, they weren't good. Stormtroopers were. Unbelievable at it. That's what the Jedis were, I think.
Because the Star Troopers, they weren't good.
Star Troopers were not good at it.
What's with the Nazis?
You're thinking of the brown shirts.
No, literally the Storm Troopers.
It's with the Nazis.
Oh, they were?
Yeah.
Storm Troopers.
Do you think everything is a fucking metaphor for the...
Oh my goodness.
We really think that's...
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think it's just space war. Do you guys think you're the wait wait wait
do you guys think you're the jedi yeah do you think you're definitely obviously not the evil
empire what are you talking about you're not yoda you guys look like yoda you're not yoda
none of you are Yoda.
Actually.
Sign this loan you will.
Sign this loan you will.
Oh my God.
Okay, guys.
We're picking it up.
Yeah, this is fun.
Way more fun.
You feel it, right?
Are you capable of feeling it?
I feel this, baby. Okay. this is fun. Way more fun. You feel it, right? Are you capable of feeling it? I feel this, baby.
Okay.
This is feeling it on a podcast.
What guests normally are good?
Who does good?
Oh, Mateo is so great.
Mateo is great.
Yeah, he's a fucking performer.
He was great.
Francis is good a couple times.
Frank's good.
What?
He was great.
He was a performer.
He was a great performer. Yeah great performer yeah yeah yeah you see him
fucking go down to selling like sing and shit everyone he'll speak different languages to
guys incredible i'm in the back like fuck i'm next oh my god he's good at everything
nah nah he's amazing um who else was really good alex jones is really good obviously alex jones
he's very entertaining he may be the best.
I watched that. That was phenomenal.
He is non-stop.
Yeah.
He might have autism.
No.
Not a chance.
Maybe a savant.
He's pure feeling, that guy.
True.
Intensely aware of energy.
You know what I mean? I've got a bit of that myself
i have the symptoms here if you'd like to know i have some of the diagnosable characteristics
avoids or does not keep eye contact andrew how have you felt that our friend has done here
no but he'll do the prolonged and the jaw comes out you know we've done that right like we've
just been out drinking and we'll be like b like, busting balls, hanging out, and
then you'll just lock in.
Dude, dude.
And I thought you were busting balls or something.
I would be.
There's no way.
I was serious.
We'll be laughing.
Yeah, this guy.
Yeah, fuck that guy.
You'll be like.
Yeah.
You'll just fucking lock in, dude.
I have fun, dude.
Guys aren't allowed to have fun.
Now you want to have fun. Guys aren't allowed to have fun? Now you want to have fun.
Guys aren't allowed to drink and have fun with their friends?
Does not play simple interactive games like patty cake by 12 months of age.
I was all over cake.
Love it.
Love cake.
Love cake.
Next.
Does not notice when others are hurt or sad by 24 months of age.
I notice.
I can tell.
How do you notice?
When people are sad or hurt?
Yeah, yeah.
They tell you.
They say, I'm hurt.
Oh, are you?
I can tell.
Does not pretend in play.
That you definitely don't know.
I pretend I'm a great actor.
What are you talking about? I love pretending. Next. I pretend I'm a great actor. What are you talking about?
I love pretending.
Next.
Actually, you are a great actor.
Thanks.
No, don't do that.
Don't compliment him.
He's not quite Nicolas Cage level.
I actually want to say this.
I think you're top five, dude.
Yeah, you think I'm top five American actors?
I think you're top five American actors.
Now your top five is starting to make a little sense.
That's all I'm talking about, bro.
I would say I'm top five.
Go ahead.
Does not play
games with turn taking by 60
months of age. Turn taking?
I don't like taking turns.
Next.
So you're not artistic?
You're just no fun?
You've been around me. I have a lot of fun. That's what we're rooting for here? You've been around me.
I have a lot of fun.
That's why we're so pissed off at the first hour of this podcast.
I have a lot of fun.
All the fun.
I had too much fun the last month.
That's where we suffered.
Now the podcast is suffering.
Take an episode off, guys.
Whoever's listening to this, suck it up, dude.
You had one bad episode.
Go back to whatever you were doing.
Go watch Matt and Shane's secret podcast.
That's what I'm doing.
That's what I'm doing.
I go on every podcast and ruin it.
And I'm like, see, these podcasts aren't that good.
Come watch mine.
It's kind of genius.
It's a nice move.
Oh, my God.
All right alright last one
that was
alright
let's pull one up
oh a difficulty
with change
oh yeah
yeah but I think
that's being white
I think that's being old
and you know
getting old
and being white
could you get away
with everything
can't stand change
could I get away with
if you just said
you had the burgers dude
maybe cause the reaction is often don't you think could I get away with... If you just said you had the burgers, dude?
Maybe.
Because the reaction is often,
don't you think this would hurt people?
Yeah, I'm like, no, I don't know.
I don't, you don't know. How could it hurt someone?
Yeah.
It's words.
Yes.
That is a good point.
Yeah, it's a real catch-all.
You found your victimhood, buddy.
Maybe I do have autism.
I was like, what's her name
Nanette
episode 2 she came out
and was like I'm also not only have I been
raped I'm also retarded
and the whole crowd was like
oh
the second special wasn't bad
really
good lord I didn't see it Oh! Yeah, the second special wasn't bad. I actually saw it. Second special, you liked it? It wasn't bad. Really?
Good Lord.
Hot take.
Yeah, wasn't bad. I didn't see it.
Was it?
She has jokes.
It's for her crowd, but it's...
Yeah, I agree with that.
She has jokes.
The first one...
Of course.
I don't think she wanted the first one to be a comedy, but I think everybody exalted it
as this revolutionary comedy, so we reacted toward them.
Yeah, yeah.
But the second one, you're like, oh, there's actually jokes here.
She can write a joke, and it's for her crowd. for her crowd it's good yeah yeah i'm not giving any push
back yeah no it's this is gay no it was good i agree i loved it she just became the punching bag
yeah she symbolized all the things that you know what it was it was like uh well there's probably
some fucking name for this but like um when somebody is more uh famous than they are good i like uh david beckham was
this he was a really good soccer player but he was so famous than he was so famous yeah and if
you're a soccer fan you know the guys like ronaldinho or something like that who was better
than him so you're like oh why isn't ronaldinho getting some fucking love yeah um it's rare that
you got a fucking you know you got a guy like Chappelle who's as good as he is
famous Eddie Murphy
exactly you know Chris Rock
in his heyday and it
so there's like if you're critical of him then you're
just kind of like bitter or like fucking upset
but yeah maybe she was like a focal point
of the culture war yes that's their side
champion to them and I was kind of that
for a minute on that side yeah and then everybody on the left was like fuck him without
even you know knowing that getting to know me as a person did you did you ever think about sitting
down with nanette i would love to talk to nanette yeah yeah about what what would we talk about
just just a lot of fucking lower jaw action
just both of us i don't know see this is the type of what would you talk about with nanette uh i'd
want to know just what it was like i bet she's nice yeah i bet she's actually nice you know des
bishop yeah so like he's friends with her he's known her for like a while and he was like yo
she's funny like she's been doing she's a pro she's been doing this forever yeah and um you know yeah it got you know the culture war obviously
played a part in fucking everything and um she just got too famous yeah for what the special was
yeah and she kind of acknowledged it in the one that i saw that was fun where she said like if i
had known how much you guys would have loved my trauma i wouldn't have used it all up in that
first one.
Yeah, but then she proceeds to be like,
actually, I'm autistic.
Yeah, I think that's a little annoying.
It's like, let me just...
Okay, this works, being a victim?
What else do I have?
And then she did a slideshow and she pointed out things.
I don't even remember that.
She did a slideshow.
Pointing out what?
Like Renaissance paintings.
Like, this woman's being victimized as a joke.
Something like that.
It wasn't good.
Bad things happened in the past?
You were incorrect.
Is that what her point is?
Now that I'm thinking about it.
It was bad.
Yeah, I didn't think it was bad.
I remember watching it and being like, oh, this isn't bad.
I think maybe there were jokes.
And the first one, I didn't think there were jokes.
And I didn't agree with everything she said.
Yeah.
And so I was like, eh.
Second one, I gave it a chance. And I like okay it was a little for her people this is
pretentious i remember there is a thing that's a little annoying there's a thing that exists in
this kind of like open-minded or like higher level comedy which is like they'll use a slideshow
i remember i saw ricky gervais read from a card about this funny thing that he got in the mail
and i was like how do you shit onot Top for props and then use props?
Like, this is prop comedy.
Just because somebody else said it or it's a slideshow,
that doesn't make it not prop comedy.
Which is fine, but don't make Carrot Top the worst fucking comic that's ever existed.
And then before a reason that what you do is,
oh, it's higher level when I do it.
Yeah.
Yeah, I hear what you're saying.
Yeah, everybody, what is it?
I found it a bit hypocritical.
Everybody's got the blinders on to their own hypocrisy.
And it's not like, you guys are supposed to be the ones that like higher level comedy.
I'll laugh at juvenile shit.
Yeah, yeah.
Which is fine, but I don't look down on that shit.
Hubie Halloween.
It's the same thing.
Hubie Halloween.
It just wasn't good.
I wanted to like it.
It just wasn't good.
It's good.
I'm telling you, it's good.
I went into it thinking this is, I can't wait to see how bad this is. Seeing people who look more retarded than you. It was wonderful. Shut'm telling you, it's good. I went into it thinking, I can't wait to see how bad this is.
Seeing people who look more retarded than you.
It was wonderful.
Shut the fuck up, dude.
You pussy.
What the fuck was that about, dude?
We had such a good week together.
We were friends.
I come down here,
you shit on me in front of everyone.
That's what you need.
That's fucking bullshit.
That's what you need.
That's backstabbing bullshit.
Oh my God, dude.
I'm nothing but supportive to you guys. Bring me down here and treat me like a fucking need, dude. That's bullshit. That's what you need. That's backstabbing. Bullshit. Oh, my God, dude. I'm nothing but supportive of you guys.
Bring me down here and treat me like a fucking dog, dude.
Say I suck.
Jeez.
It works.
Dogs have.
Dogs do have Down syndrome.
There we go, dude.
It's a nice, and it sounds worse than it is, that comparison.
What?
It sounds terrible.
Dogs having Down syndrome?
I don't think that's comparable.
It sounds like it's very mean.
No. But it is a nice thing, because dogs are the best. Do we like dogs, or do we Down syndrome? I don't think that's controversial. It sounds like it's very mean. But it is a nice thing because dogs are the best.
Do we like dogs or do we hate them?
I love dogs.
We all like dogs. Everybody appreciates dogs.
But they're this super insulting thing to call
human beings.
So what's our
relationship with dogs?
I mean, subhuman.
We're saying we're animals.
But the parts of them that we like are not subhuman.
Subhuman is the correct answer.
That is the actual answer.
That is the problem.
I see the issue now.
But if you say dog-like, you know, like...
No, dog-like is still bad.
But I'm just saying, like, the love that you get from a dog
is better than a fucking human.
Patrice had that amazing joke about, like,
you know, I love my girl, but I love my dogs.
Like, I come in a room norman just had it with hitler
hitler and the dog his last his last special was like the dog every dogs love us on on like
and hitler had a dog that was like i know gerbils you're great i love you but hitler i fucking love
him so much and then he this special ends right there. He's like, this is, yeah.
Can you share some of the stuff?
With Norm?
Yeah.
Yeah.
That you have with Norm?
It was just, he reached out.
He was a big, when people were going through it,
Norm was one of the guys that would always reach out.
And yeah, that was it.
Just reached out.
He sent me some cool stuff about like funny will win.
Yeah.
That was the coolest shit ever.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's amazing.
He was like,
there's a war right,
I don't want to,
I don't want to spill the beans
on a nice thing,
but it was like.
You guys had a private thing.
Yeah, it was cool.
But he was very supportive
when you were going through
Yeah, he spoke like poetically.
Yeah.
It was awesome.
Yeah.
And it ended,
one of the messages ended with like,
in a war for comedy,
I think the ones with jokes
will win.
I was just like, yo.
That's fire.
Norm Macdonald is king.
Yeah.
And he in no way has to do that.
No.
You know what I mean?
To reach out, especially at that time, I thought was really cool.
It was two years ago.
Yeah, as he's battling something, no disrespect, way worse.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean?
He's like, hey, you need help?
I was with Adam Eget most of the time in Austin.
The guy, you know Adam? Yeah, yeah, hey, you need help? I was with Adam Eget most of the time in Austin. The guy, you know Adam?
Yeah, yeah, from the store, right?
Yes.
So me and Adam went to the Cowboys-Eagles game,
and we were hanging out the whole time because he was best friends with Norm.
So he was going through it, but he went through it the same way.
We just talked like Norm the whole time.
The whole game, we were like, ah, he must have.
Yeah, he got hit pretty hard. You know what's worse than getting hit like that blood cancer yeah it's no good that blood cancer just like that the whole time it was great i hope that
wasn't sharing too much for adam no but yeah it was fun norm's the best yeah it was but he died
of fucking oh right i forgot he fucking vanished yeah norm yeah classic
nah he's a fucking man that was cool yeah there's that fucking passage man from his book man i sent
it to you you read the book but i keep thinking about that shit yeah it was awesome yeah
is this what manchester by the sea is like worse way worse similar to that have you
seen it no i'm never gonna it's actually worse than blood cancer what happens in that movie
is worse yeah yes i'm not gonna watch it ever yeah you'll like it if you like uh all the teenager
movies you like you're gonna love this one why is that if you have like, you're going to love this one. Why is that? If you have kid's brain,
you're going to love Manchester by the Sea.
Why?
Because I like when there's big colors on the screen.
Whoa, there's so many explosions and colors.
He can fly?
I didn't know he could fly the whole time.
Do you think people think I'm dumber than you?
You're banking on people buying into right now?
I bet they know.
I have faith.
But no, just like you guys were proving already majority of the people are dumb majority of the people in the comments will be like fuck
that retard avengers is so good fast and furious is my favorite movie motherfucker what is what
is worse to watch like teenager movies or teenagers i love teens i love watching the teens yes I'll toss on Avengers
to pretend I'm
you know
we'll watch it together
what do you like
what do you kids like
these days
trick the algorithm
you're like
listen up phone
serve them up
yes
it's too much football
oh my god
they do need to stop
serving up teens
on the internet
they do
should be illegal huh
yeah
it should be
some yeah
cause then but
nobody's willing to bring it up because then you have to be the one to be like it's it's hot
be like what what's wrong with the teenager dancing it's like shouldn't you just be able to
say don't show me anything under 20 like just put the fucking date i think tiktok started it
good i think if you're under if they won't show you if you're under 18 or something like that.
I've read what the protocol was.
Perfect.
It was some type of inhibitor.
And it should just be on every single phone.
Yeah.
But then you have to have one person that has to go through everything and determine
if it's sexual in nature or not.
Don't you have to put your...
Okay.
Don't you have to put the date, though, for your birth date?
Yeah, what if you don't put anything sexual?
What if you just lie?
Here's a funny cow fact.
I don't want to know.
I don't want to know.
I don't want to know if you're 12.
You don't even tell me anything.
You want to know about cow facts?
I'd love to know cow facts.
I think they have like three stomachs or something.
He loves cows, dude.
I don't know if it's eight, but yeah.
Is it eight stomachs?
That's gone down.
You should know.
You guys are fucking worshiping them.
I like them.
You guys fucking love them, dude.
We do love them.
We do love them, but not for their stomachs.
You don't like their guts?
No.
What do you like about them?
The milk.
The cool horns?
The food.
The milk.
Yeah.
Precisely.
Dude, I think you really saved the pot, man.
We turned it around.
We really turned it around, man.
I don't know what to tell you. I think you take about the pot, man. We turned it around. We really turned it around, man. I don't know what to tell you.
I think you take about an hour to warm up.
He needs the fucking pokes.
He needs a little poke.
He needs it.
Too much love up top.
He didn't know how to handle it.
I didn't like that very much.
What did it make you feel like?
What does it make me feel?
I don't know.
I don't know.
You don't feel like you deserve it or something?
That's what it is.
I don't know because I do think the special is good.
I'm happy with it. don't call yourself the special
Shane you're a good guy
that was a good one
you fucking cocksucker dude
you guys bring me down here to just trash me
this is hate on the spectrum bro
dude we tried giving you praise
you guys treat me like shit
we tried giving you praise
it ruined the podcast
he's leaning forward You guys treat me like shit. We tried giving you praise. It ruined the podcast.
Listen.
He's leaning forward like he's Jordan at halftime. He's trying to meet his jaw.
My jaw's in.
It's in.
So don't try to put that on me either.
It was just one time.
I wish I had it.
It was just one time.
It was like that, and his mouth was a little bit more open.
Billy Bob Thornton's better.
Slingblade's better than Nick Cage. Yeah. Actually, Billy Bob Thornton's better. Slingblade's better than Nick Cage.
Yeah, actually, Billy Bob Thornton, beast.
Yeah.
Real beast.
You were him for Halloween one year, weren't you?
Yep.
Which character?
Slingblade?
Yep.
Nice.
Can you do it?
Yep.
Can you do the voice?
Yep.
Let me hear it.
Hi, I'm Billy Bob Thornton.
Wait, do you suck at impressions?
I've never seen the movie.
He's got accents.
Oh, you've never seen it? He's got accents the movie. He's got an accent. He's got an accent, though.
Yeah, but do Australian.
All right.
Yeah.
Yeah, all right.
I just know how to go, all right.
Dog cunt.
I'd like video games.
On your back and wet up, you dog cunt.
Yeah, you got it.
Nice.
Yeah, all right.
What, accent?
I'm good at one impression.
But now I can't do English.
I can only do one or the other
oh yeah
it shuts off for some reason
I don't know why
true
so go English
hello my
see
no I'm already
it's a bit of a fucking problem
isn't it
you can do Cockney
yeah
because it's different
sure
do refined English
than Australian
hold on I have to hear it
hello
I'm Stewie
I have to I can't do English I have to hear it. Hello. I'm Stewie.
I can't do English.
I have to do a specific person,
or you could do Gypsy King or something like that. Yeah.
Right?
No, I don't think I can do it.
Or a thank you spot about three in the morning.
That one's easy.
I was over there about three in the morning.
Three in the morning.
All right.
I could do Irish for a second.
Your face does the impression, too. I have to change it. Do McGregor. Hold on. I could do Irish for a second I could do
McGregor
McGregor's kind of
I used to be able to do it
Go go go
Hold on
Give me what's he talking about
I'd like to apologize
I'd like to take this time to apologize
To absolutely nobody
Nobody
Nobody
The throat Nick Diaz joys to absolutely nobody that's good yeah when you went nobody nobody yeah yeah the throat hey
connor what does it do yeah nate's the best go nate nate's like you know fuck that like
it's very slight lisp yeah yeah right yeah does it sound good yeah keep going. You said two words. Shut up. You try one.
You do one.
You just sit here and criticize, criticize, criticize.
I do one impression.
Loretta Devine.
Let me hear it.
I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.
And Chris Rock.
I'm the best.
I'm the best.
I got a good Chris Rock.
Let me see Chris Rock.
I can hear it a little.
What you want to see my Chris Rock for?
Yeah.
You want me to dance for you?
Cracker ass, Cracker.
Just use it as an excuse to call people Cracker.
I do a real good Chris Rock.
You fucking Cracker.
Who else you got?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I'd have to.
Connor's good.
Connor, I used to have it good now i can only say like a
couple lines i used to be able to talk like because the dublin's like choppy yeah yeah i was down
there and this man did this great like that type this this das yeah yeah you're an irish kid it's
just in your it's in your blood but but the high pitch guy that you did and it's almost like a
breathing out yeah is really good with Connor.
Nate, I used to have perfect.
So, like, fuck that.
I went down there.
Like, I tapped those.
It's when he was talking about going on.
It kind of sounds like he's from fucking Philly a little bit.
Nate?
Yeah.
Or, like, Washington.
What's that accent?
Oh, yeah, Philly.
Yeah, water.
Water.
Water.
Yeah.
Some fucking water.
Fuck that. That's really all one knows what even a gazelle is dude that's one of the classic quotes how about you what else
you get loretta i mean stockton is just philly i think when you think stockton is west coast philly
basically right sure it's just philly with like latinos yeah damn we got dr umar though that's
good oh fuck yeah that was fun
that was a fun episode everybody had to get a good doctor i don't think it was that bad
well the way that we edited it's gonna be great yeah edit out the movie stuff i think yeah yeah
45 minutes of just like what else was the names of movies for 40 there was a good five minute
period we were just like interstellar yeah? Yeah. Interstellar was good. I liked it. Great movie.
Dude, Jessica Chastain,
the hottest girl
that isn't sexual.
You guys are all autistic.
Yeah, of course, dude.
I'm not the only one.
What happened?
You started talking about movies again.
Movies are fun to talk about.
You were doing an impression
of what we were doing before.
Movies are fun to talk about.
Jessica Chastain from Interstellar,
the redhead.
Oh, yeah. And then she also got Bin Laden. I'd like to kiss her. And she got Bin Laden that fucking piece of shit. movies are fun to talk about Jessica Chastain from Interstellar the redhead oh yeah
and then she also got Bin Laden
I'd like to kiss her
and she got Bin Laden
that fucking piece of shit
free our man Bin Laden
free Bin Laden dude
Bin Laden home
I don't think he got
Bin Laden no
I don't think they killed him
he's innocent bro
no I don't think they killed him
he's back with the CIA
really
he's back chilling with the Mossad
oh my god yeah Shane what's the craziest conspiracy you actually believe killed him. He's back with the CIA. Really? He's back chilling with the Mossad.
What's the craziest conspiracy you actually believe?
I don't know. That is a tough one.
I think COVID's pretty crazy.
I don't think
the vaccine's a little weird.
I don't think it's much of a conspiracy
to be a little skeeved out on it.
I don't think it's a microchip thing. I don't think it's much of a conspiracy to be a little skeeved out on it. Bill Gates. I don't think it's a microchip thing.
I don't think the ramifications are like you're going to get cancer or sick.
I don't think it's that.
But I do get a little suspicious when it's like mandates.
That bothers me.
Firing everyone, that bothers me a little.
And I got vaccinated.
I'm not like one of those guys.
Which one?
Which one?
I got Pfizer.
Okay. Are you going to get that booster? No, I probably will. I'm not one of those guys. Which one? Which one? I got Pfizer. You gonna get that booster?
No, I probably will not. Apparently Pfizer needs a booster.
Probably got done with the shots.
Dude, as soon as I saw
that fucking clip of
what's his name dancing to it.
The night show.
Colbert. I watched it and I was like
I did get tricked.
I fucking got tricked.
I got this fucking vaccine.
You know that they're making fun of themselves, though.
Yeah, in context.
Out of context, it seems ridiculous. It seems like
they're promoting the vaccine, but they have a
segment called The Vaccine.
Oh, like...
And they did a little jingle afterwards, and then
they would laugh at how stupid the jingle was.
The vaccine stuff.
And then after two or three weeks, I guess, of doing it,
they were like, okay, let's act out the jingle.
Like they're making fun of how ridiculous it was.
But when the right-wing guys were just tweeting it out,
it looked like the most absurd promotion of getting vaccinated.
Yes.
I still don't like it.
I think you should get the booster.
Now I hear you.
I'm not getting the booster.
What are you talking about? I think you'll get it booster I'm not getting the booster, what are you talking about
I think you'll get it dude
Did you get COVID?
Yes, I did get COVID
And I have the vaccine
I think I'm alright
But Israel, if you're not with the booster, you're not fully vaccinated
You can't go to Israel bro
I think he's okay with that
That was my plans for that thing we were talking about
What is that?
Free my Palestine.
I got him out of his fucking computer.
See how quick that was?
He said, did someone say Palestine?
That nose was like a shark fin.
He doesn't even have a mic either.
That's great.
He can't say anything.
It's okay, Dovitz.
We love you.
Okay, listen.
We've recorded enough. Yeah, look. I think it's enough. It's gone long enough. I don't love you. Okay, listen. We've recorded enough.
Yeah, look. I think it's enough.
It's gone long enough. I don't think it's going to get better.
You know what this is like?
As long as this can go. Do you remember Mitch Hedgberg's
special when like
Mitch Hedgberg. Whatever his fucking name is.
Mitch Hedberg. He said it so
disrespectfully. He shook his head.
Remember Mitch Hedgberg? Whatever his name is.
You know the guy. Pringles is a joke.
Pringles is a joke.
What are you talking about?
How are you?
That's wild.
That's wild.
It's a Pringles joke.
So look.
This is wild.
But he was fucking hilarious.
There's no question.
I'm just buzzing balls.
Every once in a while he would bomb.
Is that what you're getting at?
No.
The first part he bombed. Yeah. there's a special where the first part he bombs
he kind of acknowledged it and then the second part he starts just murdering yeah i'm a bit like
hedgeberg you're right murder was a lot you know yeah but i mean i had to carry the load here you
did i had to carry the work you did bro you got i mean jesus christ we were just sitting around
yeah flagrant too i had
to put the whole thing on my back dude you guys built this thing waiting for me that's a fact
that's a fact but you fucking did it bro yeah i'm tired i'd like to have a nap i am gonna
masturbate and take a nap after this okay sick dude i'm gonna tell you i love you as soon as
this podcast is over i hope i love you whoa i to tell you I love you as soon as this podcast is over.
I love you.
Whoa.
I love you guys.
I love you, man.
I do love you guys.
Anyway, Shane, we love you.
You're the fucking man.
And I'm really stoked everything that's happening for you.
Shane Gill is live in Austin, right?
Matt and Shane's secret podcast.
Yes.
Check out the sketches too, man.
The sketches are fucking awesome, dude.
And love on the spectrum too.
Check that out.
And love on the spectrum.
The specials and love on the spectrum yeah we love you we appreciate you and anything we
can do to uh obviously help you we will be here delete this that would help love you