Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Shane Gillis on Wrestling Joe Rogan, Stylebender Loss, & Why Napoleon is The GOAT
Episode Date: September 13, 2023yerrr had to get Netflix's top dog on the pod - Shane Gillis came on to talk about his wrestling career, his drinking habits, how he's more athletic than anyone else and who is the greatest general in... war history. INDULGE! 00:00 Intro 00:30 Shane’s fav. painting + Catholicism didn’t save Nagasaki 03:44 Napoleon = GOAT? Stonewall is autistic 06:04 The right cause, ready to die and women help win a war? 08:51 It was about States’ Rights! 09:39 India was England’s Walmart + Ancient History is made up 13:03 Bobs and vagene must have worked 15:34 “To let” Saga + US better than Guyana 23:32 Catholicism is RIGHT + Who likes Islam? Pope Francis ain’t it 35:37 Chris O’Connor would smoke Shane athletically 40:36 Nutting from bobs? Aussies get the best programmes 49:11 Poker beef w/ Pull it up, Jamie 53:13 Napoeleon, Total War + Dov is destroying out here 57:15 We need Ecstasy + Molly Chronicles 01:02:10 Is Andrew a meth head? What’s up with Putin? 01:05:00 CKY, Gilly and Keeves new show + Andrew can act! 01:08:27 Shane fighting a Bar Stool producer 01:11:51 Mark ALMOST beat up a woman + cry fighting 01:17:03 Joe Rogan tapped Shane constantly 01:18:30 Izzy losing, Strickland’s entertaining & Nate being Nate 01:26:27 ****Fear about assplay + Sugon 01:29:18 Flagrant singing time 01:32:08 Shane’s new song + Dov is SMRT 01:34:23 We love Ye + Free Palestine + Obama’s Chef 01:36:50 Candies v Meats + Boogie taste 01:40:25 Most famous person Shane too scared to talk to 01:41:57 Best Comedy Show? 01:46:31 Real Black angst culture + Schulz Epiphanies 01:53:26 Importance of alcohol & drugs 02:03:27 Teaching Shane to be a person 02:08:00 Alex the Great wasn’t gay, Oliver Stone’s JFK & CIA conspiracies 02:24:28 This is a sports podcast - NFL time 02:30:57 Who is best actor ever & Top Gun Maverick SUCKED 02:39:35 The Deer Hunter is an outrage 02:43:43 Shane likes some superhero movies + Spielberg Trumpets 02:50:10 Greatest films of all time - Armageddon or Independence Day? 02:55:39 National Service - yay or nay? NYC isn’t accepting
Transcript
Discussion (0)
This is a funny thing that's been making me laugh.
I was having sex and a lady was kissing my chest.
And she happened to suck on a bob.
And I nodded.
Alright, this is too much.
So then she thinks that's my thing.
Oh yeah.
Every time she does it, it gets in my head.
I'm like, don't.
You can't.
I mean, that makes it a lot harder, dude.
Yeah.
The second I'm like, don't come, don't come, don't come.
I'm like, ugh. So maybe I'm like, don't come, don't come, don't come, I'm like, oh!
So maybe I'm in the kid's mind.
What's up, everybody, and welcome to Playground.
Today we are joined by dear friend of the show, just so happens to have the number one comedy special in the world right now.
No big deal.
Beautiful dogs.
It's Shane Gillis over here.
It's Shane Gillis over here. This is Shane Gillis over here.
I know he hates the praise.
No, no, I appreciate it.
Shane hit me up while he was on his way here.
He goes, guys, be nice.
Don't be nasty today.
Don't be nasty today.
You guys like when I get uncomfortable.
Be nice.
Yeah, we do like.
We like just little tickles.
We just like tickles.
So we're like, listen, we got to make sure that Shane is in a comfortable environment.
Let's talk to some of his boys and see what he's into right now artistically, what he's really vibing with.
And O'Connor was like, listen, there's this painting that he's really into.
That's very sweet.
Yeah.
And it's the Absolution of Gettysburg.
And we put it up on a TV.
Just maybe go to a shot right there where you can see it.
Okay?
So, Shane, would you like to tell what else happened afterwards?
I'm so dumb that I got in here and I went, I actually have that painting in my living room.
No one on earth has that painting or knows what that is.
I actually have that in my living room.
Oh, Father Corby and the Irish
Brigade? Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Now,
why do you
have this great appreciation for Father Corby?
Well, because he became the
president of Notre Dame, bro.
Go Irish, dude.
He rebuilt it, though. And he was a beast.
Yeah, he built it after it burnt down.
Second founder, you know. He said the only problem was we didn't build it big enough.
Ooh.
Talk that shit, Corby.
Okay.
All right, Corby.
Look into him.
I think he got a Medal of Honor.
I think he was out there like maybe that was him at Fredericksburg that was like giving everybody their last rites.
Like during everybody else was getting shot, he was out there.
Just piecing them up.
Yeah.
Respect.
He's a good guy.
Was there like a respect for the priest who was piecing people up?
So you wouldn't shoot at him, obviously.
Probably not.
Especially, yeah.
In the Civil War.
Unless you were doing a prank.
It was against the Japanese.
They would have done it.
That's true.
Just starting out hot.
For the record, that's true.
Well, maybe they wouldn't know what he's doing.
They don't know.
They're not Catholic.
You know what I mean?
They're not Catholic yet.
A guy without a gun is walking around.
Yeah, true.
Did we almost get him?
I thought Andrew Garfield got over there in one of these.
He went in there.
Nagasaki was Catholic.
Really?
That was a Catholic city.
When we were having-
It didn't help.
Come on.
Imagine the bomb- It did not help. it hits the ocean the japanese were like there's no way it's gonna be us that's for real no yeah there was a lot of
catholic in nagasaki that were like they wouldn't get us yeah we're catholic yeah we're one of them
yeah so maybe they were just faking it they may be their posers it'd be like if 9-11 hit like
elkhart, Michigan.
Or no, what's that town in Michigan that's all...
Oh, Dearborn.
Dearborn.
Yeah, Dearborn, I think it is.
Well, it was Dearborn.
A lot of Middle Eastern people there.
Oh, yeah.
That's right, that's right.
They'd be like, they're not going to get us.
Yeah, yeah.
They did.
Fucking home field, dude.
Yeah, dude.
Fucking Dearborn, man.
Shout out to Dearborn.
Big shout out.
dearborn man shout out to dearborn big shout out we were uh i remember we were we were having some delicious beers with uh o'connor and pope and uh we got into a very surprising conversation
oh you and me yeah very surprising conversation it's not going where you think it's going to go
because we haven't had enough alcohol just yet but But you, I could not believe this came out of your mouth.
And this came out of your mouth twice.
We had two different conversations about this.
You, under your breath, told me that you thought a French general was the greatest of all time.
Napoleon.
Napoleon.
Napoleon.
No, no, no.
Almost the other picture we had up right there i just want to
let you know the bro but do you have to say that because of your patriotism if you actually
had to sit down and objectively honestly you'd be honest it's robert e lee right
i mean he wasn't working with a lot he wasn't he did you know what I mean he did good with what he had
go Dawgs
come on man
he was
that's SEC
that's
that's a different brand down there
no they had
yeah they had a couple
Stonewall
Stonewall was nice
Jax
Stonewall Jackson
he was an autistic man
clearly
100%
yeah
why
I don't know
I read it
because of the name Stonewall
he's got a book
there's a book
the guy who wrote Empire of the Summer Moon.
You ever read that about the Comanche?
No.
Oh, it's like the best history book.
But he wrote another one about Jackson called Rebel Yell.
And it's clearly he's just an autistic guy.
Wait, why?
What was he doing?
He hurt his hand or something and he just always held it up.
Because he was like, I don't want the blood to go down back to where the cut was so like at all times he was like people like to put your fucking
hand down uh he thought god would decide when he died so he would he was not afraid of you just
stand there that's how he got his name stonewall look at him look at him he's just standing there
like a stone wall he was just getting shot at he was uh there was
one that when he was in school uh one of his commanding officers was like like at attention
when he walked by him and then he came by the next day and he was still standing there he was like
dude what are you doing and he was like i'm not gonna disobey your orders he's like all right
dude here's psycho anyway this isn't exciting but that that's what you need. What else do we got? Somebody else.
We had Mark.
Mark just did a pod with Sebastian Junger.
Yeah.
You know, Perfect Storm and all the rest.
And he goes, what would you say the three things you need for an underdog to win a war?
For an underdog to win, you got to have a cause worth fighting for.
You got to have a leader willing.
Stop that.
Right?
No chores.
So that's one.
That's one.
You got to have a leader willing to die.
Stonewall.
Stonewall is ready to go.
Yeah, but Robert E. Lee.
Mm-hmm.
What?
No, no, no.
Robert E. Lee was a little scared.
Yeah.
He was a little scary.
He's a coward.
That's what Grant knew.
Grant knew he was soft.
Grant knew he was soft.
Young Bobby Lee. Yeah. Yo was soft. Young Bobby Lee.
Yeah.
Honestly, little Bobby Lee was a little bit soft. Grant served with Bobby in Mexico and saw that he was a little scared.
Tell him.
So then the Civil War started and all the other generals in the North were afraid of Bobby.
They were terrified of Bobby.
They were like, he's the goat.
This is terrifying.
What did Grant say?
Then Grant was like, he's a pussy, dude.
I saw him cry.
He's just as scared as me.
I'm going to go fuck him up.
He's scared too.
I'm scared.
I like that it wasn't like he's more scared than everyone.
We're both scared.
Yeah, we're both terrified.
Yeah, this sucks.
Yeah, fucking why are we fighting?
And then the third thing you need is you need to have women involved in the war effort.
If you want underdogs to win.
Yeah, okay.
You lost me with that third one, buddy.
What?
I'm just saying. That's win. Yeah, okay. You lost me with that third one, buddy. What? I'm just saying.
What?
That's what Sebastian said, dude.
Is it because more men are willing to enlist when women are just nagging them at home?
And they're like, I'd rather fucking get killed at war.
Sit here and listen to this.
What he was saying is like you need.
Like for them in the factories and shit?
Doing anything.
Yeah.
Like around fucking as like nurses, whatever, building shit.
You just like lose half your population if you don't have women doing something.
So I don't know what the South was doing population if you don't have women doing something.
So I don't know what the South was doing.
They probably didn't have women doing anything.
It might have been too traditional.
Look what happened, dude.
Got bodied.
They got rocked.
I can't believe you put Grant over Napoleon, though.
I just like him more.
Why?
Just as a guy.
He's kind of a failure.
Drunk.
Yeah, that part of it. And then the war started and he was like,
oh, I'm the best.
Like he was like working at his dad's
like grocery store
as like a cashier.
And then the war started and he was,
he just became a president.
He just went.
Like on some Churchill shit?
Because wasn't Churchill retired before?
Yeah, Churchill blew it in World War I. That's, there. Because wasn't Churchill retired before? Yeah, Churchill blew it
in World War I.
That's, yes,
it was the Turks.
Yeah, y'all got to keep
filling in gaps
because we are not white
so we don't know
as much about history.
We just don't have the passion
you guys have.
Thank you.
White history is really cool.
I don't know.
You really need to get on board.
You guys are going to love it.
Yeah.
Well, who wants to start
with the Civil War for Alex?
I don't want to explain.
A bunch of good guys
got beat.
Lost their lives.
What are your thoughts on states' rights?
I had a teacher in middle school
teach me that the war was about states' rights.
Yeah, they teach you that in the South.
Some guys do that, yeah.
Yeah, but this was in New York.
Yeah.
What the fuck?
This white guy with fucking white hair.
Mr. Davis, I remember to this day.
Beast, Jeff.
He was...
And he was like,
yeah, it was not about slavery.
It was about states' rights.
What?
And he kept on hammering that.
And I probably repeated that
for another decade.
I mean...
It was about states' rights, dude.
It was...
You know what I mean?
But it was about states' rights
to own slaves.
Dude, but with the details, bro.
So it's like...
There's so many details.
I'm in, you know, what is it, like 13, 11?
Yeah, you can't be here with that.
Yeah.
You're too young.
States' rights, dude.
States' rights to what?
Mind your fucking business.
Stop treading on me, bro.
Stay out of it, dude.
And then what about British imperialism?
Can you explain any of that for our guys?
I would love that.
Yeah, he doesn't know about that history.
Yeah, I have no experience with that.
They turned India into like a Walmart for 400 years.
For 400 years, it was a company.
Pretty good.
Literally a company.
It was pretty good.
It was a company longer than America has been a country.
Isn't that crazy?
Yeah, dude, a clearance sale.
Going out of business.
It's a liquidation.
Resources and humans,
just do it. We're sitting down
and we're having some
zins and drinks at the cellars, me, you,
and Timmy, and Liz.
And I bring
up ancient history. I was
learning about Cyrus the Great.
He was this great Persian, whatever.
And then Shane just goes, I can't do the ancient history.
I go, why?
And then your argument was actually solid.
I don't like it.
Because I thought the argument was good.
What, like no one knows?
No one knows.
It's all made up.
Yeah.
There's that great Napoleon quote, history is a set of lies agreed upon.
It's all made up.
Yeah.
There's that great Napoleon quote, history is a set of lies agreed upon.
And if you look back at ancient history, every battle ends in the most romantic fashion.
Yeah.
Everything is, because you weed out all the kind of boring stuff that we still know about World War II, the stuff that we know about the Vietnam War.
When you're looking at wars like 2,000 years ago, it's like, okay, do we need all that?
They're making it up.
The whole thing?
A lot, yeah.
I think, I don't know.
I don't know anything.
The Maccabees?
Wait, who are the Maccabees?
You know, the Jewish boys.
Come on.
Obviously.
Oh, that's made up. 100% made up.
100%.
Yeah, that's a lie.
You guys, do you think Jews fought off the Romans?
Yeah.
You made that up for sure.
Wait a minute.
The Maccabees, what did they fight them with?
Frivolous lawsuits?
Very litigious, the Maccabees.
Watch out for that.
Wait, who are the Maccabees?
Judah and the Maccabees.
Can you talk into the Maccabees?
Why are you saying the Maccabees?
It's because he's Googling it.
Even the Jews don't believe it.
They're like, yeah, let's not look into it.
You guys make up everything, dude.
The Maccabees, the Holocaust.
Yeah, they fought against the makeup.
What the fuck, bro?
What?
Time for a hint.
They said it was only 6 million.
I think it's more.
I think it's more.
It's more.
I think it's 8 million.
The number wasn't enough.
They're underselling it.
167 BC.
Against the Selenium.
What do you mean enough?
You know.
Wait, what did I mean?
What did I mean by that?
You said the number wasn't enough, dude.
Yeah, it wasn't high enough.
Wait, why?
Wait, which side am I on?
It's not.
All right.
Dude.
Meaning.
I just got back.
The number one Netflix special on the planet.
Two days later.
Has been removed.
No, listen. planet two days later has been removed no um listen by enough i meant that it was horrible
and it was probably more than people would predict because that's how horrible they were
six million and one who knows yeah there's no way it was definitely six million on the dot
it's probably it was not a round number that's where that's where this starts this is like the
moon landing right it's like well maybe they maybe they went but they didn't i'm saying it's not a round number. That's where this starts. This is like the moon landing, right? It's like, well, maybe they went, but they didn't video tape it.
I'm saying it's 6,000,001.
Did you see the Indian moon landing?
Yeah, we landed on the moon.
But they were riding on top of the spaceship.
Did you not see that?
There was like 12 of them.
900 of them.
One guy was hanging off, taking a selfie, got hit by a pole.
You guys love trains.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Is all of India autistic?
Yeah.
You're actually the most emotional, but I'm curious to know where you're going with this.
No, I just love trains.
Love buying women on the internet.
Bad at texting.
That's because of arranged marriage.
That's my theory.
That actually makes a lot of sense.
That they've never had to kick ass. A whole generation of millions of people arranging marriages never
had to try to talk yeah so they're just like and then you're like and then your dad's like hey go
find a girl and you're like the fuck you found your parents set you up with your mom what should
i say to that girl and he's like i don't know i have no clue you just go show me how do i do it
that's how you start that's how you learn you got to get through the bad ones to get the good
ones you know what i'm saying you guys never got caught from an uncle.
No, you're right, dude.
Of the billions of Bob's and Vagene texts sent,
how many worked?
One had to work.
At least one.
At least one.
At least one.
At least one.
Because if it never worked, this is what we always talk
about hollering at girls on the street.
It's like, it works for your friends,
which is why you're doing it.
Yeah.
Like one dude had to pick up a girl in front of you
hollering at her like that
for you to go,
okay, I can just be like,
yo, shorty, what's up?
With that lobster.
Scram.
Bob's a majean.
It's as funny as it gets.
Fire, bro.
Just hit some sorority girl
from North Carolina.
You're in an alley
in fucking Bombay.
Mumbai.
In an internet cafe.
Yeah, you're with people.
Show me your fucking tits.
Just the Hail Mary.
The greatest pass of all time.
The ultimate Hail Mary.
They should cross the Indian Ocean.
Fourth quarter, dude.
Fucking bomb it.
I want to start a charity
where I send those guys titty pics.
And you just like,
anytime a guy comments,
I just send him a titty pic.
Boom, here you go, dude.
Just to keep morale going.
You know what I mean?
How much of OnlyFans is Bob and Vijay in request?
We ain't paying.
You crazy.
I wonder, if it's not that expensive, if it's five bucks.
We ain't paying.
First of all, that's 400 rupees.
Oh, that's a lot of rupees.
We ain't paying that.
But isn't a rupee...
It's not worth as much.
Like, you know, a Coke is like 40 rupees or whatever.
But like, we ain't still not doing that. Yo how do indians feel about them going to the moon and
they're still being people struggling we're proud we made it to the moon it's when you're on your
way up you're proud of everything and then when you're at the top you're not proud of anything
oh so you're still in the stage where like you identify with all the greatness yeah look what
we can do man we made it there now we can fix we'll fix everything here too but look what we can do, man. We made it there. Now we can fix, we'll fix everything here too, but look what we can do. And America's so spoiled.
Now it's time for plumbing.
We got to out of space.
Now it's plumbing time.
The number of signs, and I still could be wrong,
but I saw signs all over India that said Tulet, T-O-L-E-T.
And I was like, there's just random signs
about like, are they leasing apartments?
And I was like, oh, toilet.
Toilet.
It's just signs like, hey, you need a shitter?
Because I'll sell you one. All over.
Everywhere. But that's, we need
toilets still to that point.
Am I wrong?
No, that's a sale thing.
Hold on, this is about to be historic.
This is good.
I said I could be wrong, but you're not.
We've already been walking.
It's not on, you won't see it on like a storefront.
You'll see it.
Taking a picture during an argument.
It's everywhere because that means there's like, that's for sale.
You can lease.
No, it's not at houses.
No, it's not on, as I'm saying, it's not on houses.
I still could be wrong, but it's random street corner.
Yeah, but is there a number?
No, it literally just says that.
Tulet.
Tulet.
What does Tulet mean?
I don't even know who the fuck you contact.
It's literally, it means like, oh yeah, this is for sale.
If I saw it on Windows, I'd be like, oh yeah, that must be a place that's available.
You see that shit everywhere,
like on buildings,
on like signs everywhere.
Yo, get Shub.
We need Shub.
Listen,
what I loved is your confidence
going into that.
That was my favorite.
Get moon confidence.
You saw that?
You did have moon confidence.
Yeah,
he had fucking space.
I said I could be wrong.
He started moon walking
when he was in the imagination.
It just says,
to less.
Oh shit.
It's the least.
Damn it. Let it fucking go. To less is least, shit. It's the lease. Dang it!
Let it fucking go.
To less is lease.
That guy doesn't work it.
That guy doesn't work it.
He's just taking a shit.
Well, they could use some toilet sales, too, to be honest with you.
Wow.
Same sign for toilet.
So you thought every one of those signs was like a toilet dealer?
Yeah, I thought it was one guy with a business opportunity.
I don't think it's crazy.
I like it.
I hate you.
He seems upset.
I don't want him to be upset.
He seems sad about it.
I agree with the one that makes India worse.
No, don't do that.
He's supportive.
You know what I mean?
No, I just feel like I don't want to hang up feel like- Also, if you go to India and you see a
guy- Cuz I have that painting.
If you go to India and you see a guy shitting on the beach shore, you're like, they must
be in the toilets, selling toilets.
You know what's interesting, though?
They need toilets.
China gets the reputation for shitting.
Mm-mm.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yeah.
Globally, they do that here in China too. no they'll share the street that the prcs when
we're in singapore that's what they were like upset about yeah yeah they call them prc because
they'll do it in other countries oh but in their own i remember chappelle had a joke about i don't
think he put in a special we went to see him at radio city but he was like india is such a
fascinating place they had an election 100 voter turnout and then that same month year whatever
there was a campaign to get people
to stop shitting in the streets.
And it was like, yeah, we know.
Oh, that'd be such a problem.
Yeah, oh yeah.
I mean, I've also seen shit outside of
the circle recently.
New York's disgusting, but if that was nationwide,
that would be like...
Just people taking dumps all over the place.
That would suck.
San Francisco guy.
Dude, there should be a sign of people
just selling toilets in random places in the city. It would suck. San Francisco guy. Dude, there should be a sign of people just selling toilets in random places
in the city. It's a fantastic
business opportunity.
The fact that you didn't even ask anybody there.
The fact that you digested
that information. You're like, yeah, they're just selling toilets
all over the place here. Who am I asking?
Well, you're in India. Just ask the Indians
around you. They don't like talking to Americans.
Who are you with?
You're with your family. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I wasn't with my family. I was with other Americans
getting a tour or whatever.
Were they Indian Americans? Yeah.
And they don't like you guys. None of us knew.
They don't like us. Wow.
They look at us like we sold out.
I mean. You did.
I mean. It ain't my fault
my parents were smart enough to get here.
Yeah.
Don't be nasty.
You could be mad at them dumbass UK Indians.
You know what I mean?
They could stay.
Fuck y'all.
I'll do it.
Who were the ones that went to, what's that fucking place in South America?
No.
Guyana or something?
Guyana.
Guyana.
Yeah, yeah.
The West Indies.
That's a fuck up, bro.
Yeah.
Going to Trinidad.
Second worst boat ride in history.
Wait, what's wrong with going to Guyana?
When you could have gone on the same boat that took you to America, you got on the Guyana boat.
They went on some indentured servant.
You went from third world to third world.
I don't know what the deal with Guyana is.
You got here, you got called a terrorist.
I'm like, what if you went to Guyana and just got to drink my test?
It's probably better over there.
Yeah, but it's probably better over there.
Yeah, but it's riddled with Indians.
Most like huge issue.
There's a huge issue going on over there.
And the riddle is why do these people keep shitting in the street?
I might be popping.
I don't know.
It might be beautiful, but the women are discussing.
This is Guyana.
Yeah, dude. Yeah. Shout out to Guyana. You saw that? Right? This is Guyana?
Yeah, dude.
Shout out to Guyana.
You guys are great.
I know you're upset that we're talking about it.
They don't have internet.
What is it?
They're not watching this.
No, we actually have a huge Guyanese population.
Look at that.
There's a cathedral.
Good Catholic church.
Get them in there.
Look at that.
Yeah, this is awesome. Guy had his low-key beautiful
Obviously
South America
And also a lot of fertilizer
True
Get it?
Stick the landing
Stick the landing
Tour announced
England I know you've been asking for another show.
Royal Albert Hall,
we're not adding another show.
It's impossible.
But Manchester, we are doing it.
We're doing the matinee, okay?
4 p.m., October 15th.
The tickets are on sale right now
on presale.
Go to theindustrials.com.
Use the promo code Andrew, okay?
And you get those presale tickets
while they're available.
October 15th, Manchester.
If you're in London, you're in the surrounding area, get on that train, get your ass up there
and prove how that train system that you brag about in Europe actually is functional.
We will see you guys out there, okay?
I already know that you're gonna be out there the night before for that big fight with Dylan
Danitz and Logan, okay?
And a big fight with KSI and Tommy.
So the next day you hang in for the matinee, we'll see you guys there.
Ireland, thank you guys so much. We just had to add more seats to the three arena. It was crazy.
I didn't even know that we were going to get to the upper bowl. We are. Thank you guys so much.
Those tickets are available now as well, dandrashawls.com. And of course, Australia,
we added another show in Sydney. We added more seats in Brisbane. We added more seats in Melbourne.
We added another show in Perth. Thank you guys so much. We'll see you very, very soon. We added more seats in Melbourne. We added another show in Perth. Thank you guys so
much. We'll see you very, very soon. We got some very cool announcements at theandrewschultz.com.
And we'll see you in Niagara. And we will see you in Windsor, Ontario this coming weekend.
God bless. Peace. Also, guys, quick announcements. First of all, my shows at the Stress Factory were
all sold out.
Thank you so much.
We added a Thursday show.
If tickets are still available, you're going to go to akashsingh.com to get them.
Again, that show is tomorrow.
It's a Stress Factory in New Brunswick.
It better be crawling with Indians.
Honestly, if the club doesn't smell like B.O., I don't have enough India Indians there.
American Indians, I know we don't be smelling like that, but India Indians, y'all better be at my show
stinking up the fucking joint.
P.S., by the way,
if you want to buy the autograph set pieces
from my special taping in Houston,
I said there would be a link last episode.
There was not, so the link is here now.
It is akashsingh.com.
There will be a link.
You can buy the set pieces.
A couple of you guys already bought them.
Thank you so much.
And one more announcement.
I'm going to try Twitch.
I'm 39. I probably should have done this years ago during the pandemic and made a lot of money,
but I didn't. I'm going to watch the NFL on Twitch, go to Akash Singh comedy on Twitch.
I'm probably going to watch cowboy games because I think they'll actually be good this year,
even though they'll probably let me down and rip my fucking heart out. But I'm going to watch
cowboy games and other games.
I got an NFL Sunday ticket.
We out here watching motherfucking NFL.
Akash Singh comedy on Twitch.
Thank you, guys.
Let's get back to the show.
Shout out to Catholicism, man.
Yeah, Catholicism is the best.
Number one, though?
Obviously.
No.
Breakdown number one.
Who are we talking? Who else is in contention here we have muslims
yeah we have jews jews have a solid jews solid claim we got the hindus
that's the best type of
but here's the thing i don't think you can include the jews
you can't include the Jews.
You can't include the Jews because they're not proselytizing.
Right?
But that's kind of the most fire shit, though. Most Eastern religions don't proselytize.
But to me, it's like, if you've got to be born in it, how fire is it?
Maybe the most fire.
It's like a country club, dude.
Yeah.
You want to get in.
Join the country club.
You want to get in.
They literally are that.
It's like a country club that occasionally gets raided and beat the hell out of everybody.
They like to move around a little bit. They don't have a few years, a bunch of guys break in and attack everybody. Yeah, it's like a country that occasionally gets raided and beat the hell out of everybody. They're like, come over around a little bit.
They don't have a few years, a bunch of guys break in and attack everybody.
Yeah, they've got a couple L's.
I'm just trying to say, we don't know how fire it is if people aren't dying to join up.
Like, people are literally dying to join up.
Certain ones.
Yeah.
And also, no, no.
No, they're not dying to join up.
They're dying to get other people to join.
Fair enough.
They're putting effort in. They're putting effort in.
They're putting effort in.
But I think Abrahamic religions are the only ones that proselytize.
Do Hindus not?
No, we don't.
But y'all don't like it when people aren't Hindu.
You put the pressure on.
No, we don't.
Being Muslim in India.
Yeah, we don't like Muslims, but they don't.
Shubh, get back in here.
Shubh, get back in here.
And the Abrahamic religions post the Jews.
Okay, let's talk about it.
You think Catholic's number one.
I mean, yeah.
Okay, why?
We did it, dude.
We did it.
Look at the Vatican.
We did it.
Yeah.
No, that shit is fire.
The Vatican's, that's, I have a bit about this.
This Vatican was mid.
Yeah.
Come on.
Invented the Western world.
Invented the Western world.
That's number one.
Here's the question.
Did Luther have anything to do with that?
No.
Okay, break it down.
Well, wait, are we counting?
Christianity as part of Catholicism?
Christianity, yeah.
Okay, if we count.
All right, are we branching off all the different branches of Islam?
That's true.
If we're doing the, what is it?
Shia.
Okay, fine.
So just wrap it into one.
Christianity.
Number one.
Catholicism, number one.
Yeah. Okay. fine. So just wrap it into one. Christianity. Number one. Catholicism, number one. Yeah.
Okay.
If we're going off of leadership, you had an interesting argument.
You were like, he's not a man.
And because of that, when you don't live up to him, you don't feel-
You can't bring up these bar conversations.
No, I thought it was like-
Jesus is Lord. No. Dude, we get so intimate. Yeah, it's not. live up to him you don't you bring up these bar conversations no i thought it was like jesus is
lord dude we get so intimate yeah it's nice but you know but it was like a really good conversation
it was like you brought this argument you're like he's not a man yeah therefore when you don't live
up to him you don't feel horrible about yourself he's someone to aspire to live up to. Yeah. Whereas Muhammad lived a godly life, like he's God, he's not, he's prophet.
Yeah, but their argument is they don't worship Muhammad.
But there's also that- Meanwhile, they go nuts if you draw them.
That seems like the most intense level of worship.
Yeah, that's like their boy though, that's like their boy.
That's their guy, I get it.
Yeah. I think Jesus is mentioned more than Muhammad in the Quran. Really? Well, cuz he's a prophet as well. level of worship yeah that's like their boy though that's like their that's the guy i get it i think
jesus is mentioned more than muhammad in the quran really well because he's a prophet as well yeah
yeah yeah but what do they believe in him they say he was that dude they're just saying he wasn't god
okay which is a fair argument to just be like come on yeah he's a great dude like we all love the
man but like you really think he was god yeah Yeah, I guess you're right. And he would be like, nah, that's just Pops.
Pops is God.
Yeah, but then the Catholic argument is he's also Pops.
He's both, 100%.
It's the Trinity.
He's all, it's one and then, whatever.
What are we talking about?
If he was God, get him some more Bud Lights.
Really weak shit if he was God.
That's a good argument also.
No, he just did way more.
That's what they were saying back then, too.
They were like, dude, why are you just letting him kill you?
You can destroy everybody. Water into wine.
Like, light shit.
I don't know. I feel like the
shake... You fed 40 people with one fish.
There's more than 40 people who need fish.
That's what I'm saying.
That's not even that many.
Sorry you didn't have fucking eight arms.
Oprah helped more people.
I missed it. Feed a lot't have fucking eight arms. Oprah helped more people. I missed it.
Sorry you didn't have eight arms.
Feed a lot more people with eight arms.
You could.
Keep it a stack.
Do we proselytize?
No. So you're cool if people
aren't Hindu? Well, because you get a second try.
It's like, you know what I mean? We're supposed
to be. But... Don't you guys
occasionally fight Muslims? We don't you guys occasionally fight?
Hey can I say one thing about the British that's an easy cop out are they still there making you guys
In Delhi still yeah, they made me fun. Can I ask you one question about Muslims who gets along with them?
That's fucked up, dude.
Answer the question.
I like them.
That's crazy.
Dana White likes them.
Dana White likes them? Yeah, I like them.
I like them.
Great.
What group of people?
I like them.
It seems like, wait, hold on.
Why don't you express your opinions about two billion people?
Muslims don't get along with Jews.
They don't get along with Hindus.
They don't get along with Christians.
They harbored the Jews.
They took care of the Jews.
My parents were supposed to take care of them.
All the Jews lived wonderfully.
Because our culture, Morocco.
Oh, no, you're right, guys.
I'm wrong.
Yeah, no, you guys are right.
The Jews and Arabs get along really well.
They did.
At least give them that.
There was a land dispute.
I know we're being mean.
Around the 40s.
But before that, they were getting along beautifully.
The Sunnis don't like Shias.
Ottoman Empire, lovely for the Jews.
Hey, Vala, do Sunnis and Shias get along?
Yeah, the Turks have always...
No, how do you treat...
What do you say about Ismailis and Amadis?
What do you say about them?
I personally...
Thank you!
Thank you!
Thank you!
Two red-wingsed toilets!
Let's go, Akon!
That's the best...
I... Personally... Let's go, Akash. That's the best.
Personally.
No, because they built all the best schools and the roads and everything.
The Ahmadis and the Ismailis up north in the mountains.
They have the best education. This is in Pakistan.
Best roads.
There's a sect.
Number one roads.
Best roads.
There's a sect of Islam called Amadi.
I think I'm pronouncing that correctly.
Apparently, if you live in Pakistan, when you come back and you have to fill out the immigration form, if you're Amadi, you have to check a box that says something like, I'm Amadi and I understand that this is not a valid sect of Islam or some shit like that.
They make you check the box.
Damn.
Damn, bro.
They don't like each other.
This guy does that?
Why they mad?
We don't like them.
Dude, you know who would never do that?
The Christian West, bro.
That's true.
The Christian West would probably...
Hey, shut the fuck up, Shane.
Let me just fucking ride for us for one second, dude.
We're gay now.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, we're gay, dude.
Pope Francis has gotten a little gay.
He's gotten a little gay.
I don't want to trash the man, but...
He's gotten a little...
That's what we used to be, dude.
That's what Catholicism used to be Francis gonna be on the battlefield then fuck no he wouldn't do it
What is the what I saw I saw a newspaper headline that was like Pope Francis doubles down on climate change
What shut up, what do you mean doubles down yeah wait a minute why don't you have to go climate change is real yeah i'm
gonna say it again dude oh so is he like uh so catholics staunch catholics don't like my mom
my mom sends me articles really like what like what like she's like pope francis thinks dogs
can go to heaven what are we talking about yeah that was big for me dude that was when i started to lose my faith
a little in school in school they're like dogs don't have souls they don't go to heaven yeah
i was like there's a disney movie that's going to happen yeah my dog shack is shack diesel's going to heaven. Yeah, a thousand percent. I'm with that. You had a dog named Shaq? Shaq Diesel.
What kind of dog was he?
Black Lab.
Oh, fuck.
Shaq Diesel.
Was he Diesel?
I just loved Shaq.
It had nothing to do with race.
What happened to Shaq, though?
Shaq died. Oh, he did. What happened, though though? Jack died.
Oh, he did.
What happened though?
Was it police?
German Shepard.
He was reaching for it.
Oh my God.
Put it down.
Put it down.
Stop.
Drop it.
Drop it.
He wasn't dropping it.
That's not good.
Drug dogs planted evidence on him after he killed him.
You gotta be careful, man.
Those fucking German shepherds, man.
But yeah, my mom gets pissed off in post-France.
So I didn't know this.
Andrew explains to me.
The Pope is supposed to be like, that's the word of God.
Don't put this on me.
I told you.
He did try to put this on me. No, but you did say it.
Infallibility.
You did say whatever he's about to say.
Fuck you.
No, the Pope is like, that's like the word of God.
He was supposed to be infallible, but I think they've changed that.
Once they started disagreeing?
That's motherfucking pretty fallible when you think about it.
Once the Pope started changing pedophiles,
shifting them around.
Oh, really?
Yeah, I think that's why Benedict left.
I fucking retired.
Who was the German dude.
You think it's Polish?
Polish.
He was like a Hitler youth that was hiding pedophiles.
And they caught him.
That's a good Catholic.
That's a good, that's what I want.
Can we get his movie?
Can we get his biopic, dude?
Okay.
I'm going to buy you a painting of him for your room.
He's terrifying.
You don't think he's already in his room?
He already has it.
Benedict?
I'll get him up there.
Have you met a Pope?
No.
Did you see one when you went to Vatican?
Did you see him give-
I've never been to the Vatican.
Oh, really?
No.
Don't go.
Don't go?
It's honestly-
It's fantastic.
Rome is the greatest city I've ever been to in my entire life outside of New York.
You should go if you're there, but temper your expectations.
Because I went there and I was like, it's okay.
Rome is way more impressive.
You saw Sistine Chapel when you were like-
Mid.
That's a crazy take.
That's crazy.
That's the worst thing I've ever seen.
If he wasn't-
No one works in New York.
This city stinks, dude.
It's not 30, bro.
Have you seen the Chrysler building?
I saw the Chrysler building yesterday when I was driving through the city and I was like, fucking right, dude.
That is sick.
Right?
They missed the wrong.
When did they build that?
What is that?
When was that built?
Oh, the 911.
Yeah.
Fucking 911.
God damn, that pisses me off.
Chrysler building, 1928.
1928. That's wild
Empire State Building
Up in how many months?
13 or something
13 months
13 months?
Maybe 16 months
Insane
Holy shit dude
Insane
That's not true
19
No built 1930
And built in 13 months
Wow
Miles
Wow
Bravo
Which one is this from?
Empire State?
Empire State
Amazing
Yo look at how many people died building it? Amazing.
Yo, look at how many people. They must have thrown bodies at that.
You saw them all sitting on the fucking beach? That was the craziest shit ever, man.
Yeah, that was life. Just eating a sandwich.
Five people died building the Empire State Building.
Wow. That's light work, bro.
It was worth it. White people. It was worth it, yeah.
Yeah. What about Brooklyn Bridge?
That counts as like 20.
Yeah, that's a good point.
It's five-thirds.
Number one comedy special
in the world right now.
You're saying 9-11 pissed you off.
9-11 fucking pissed me off.
Where were you on that day?
I was in eighth grade.
And what happened?
I just had gym class. It was a pretty good day.
How old were you?
I'm 35.
Okay.
We were senior year.
Looked rough, huh?
Damn, man.
I got these days, bro.
I've been drinking for like four straight years.
It's been tough.
Damn.
That happens.
But gym class, you weren't going to do anything about it?
You didn't want to enlist?
No, I did enlist.
Okay.
I literally got joined. Because of that? No enlist. No weird. I did enlist
Because of that no no no cuz they played against Notre Dame
And then I got there and realized I wasn't gonna play
You know your good friend O'Connor told me he believes in a pure athleticism competition. Who's O'Connor?
He's a comedian, Chris O'Connor.
Great comedian.
There's a podcast called Stuff Island.
Yes, with Tommy Pope, also hilarious.
He believes in a pure athleticism competition.
He has you beat.
He does.
In every single thing other than offensive versus defensive line.
Other than that, he's got me in every single thing.
He thinks if he played D-line, he's getting to the quarterback.
This is a lie. He says, I'm getting to the quarterback whenever I want.
He says, Shane has no lateral movement.
I'm getting to the quarterback whenever I want.
He says, I'm getting to the quarterback whenever I want.
He said that?
He said, I'm getting to the quarterback whenever I want.
He goes, objectively, Shane is stronger than me.
He's 5'2". Do you think Andrew could getting to the quarterback whenever I want. He goes, objectively, Shane is stronger than me. He's 5'2".
Do you think Andrew can get to the quarterback on you?
No. Wow.
Even if I'm going the side to side on you?
No. We could move some couches
and figure this out right now. I'm not doing it now.
I'm not carrying an ACL on Flakers.
Even if I'm going
side to side, that's kind of crazy.
So, John.
I don't have to move.
But I might move you with my moves.
I might move you.
If I'm faking left and I'm swimming moving over you.
If I'm doing a swimming move.
So, that's crazy.
I suck.
That's disrespectful.
I suck in my one year of Division I football.
But, I mean, what are we talking about here?
That was a year of college football.
You've never played football in your life.
That's crazy.
I've swam.
You've swam before?
I'm pretty good at swimming, dude.
I'm nice at swimming.
Are you really?
Yes, I'll kill Chris in swimming.
It's kind of seeming like now you believe that he's not just an all-around better athlete because now you have both.
No, I'm nice in a pool.
I'm nice, dude.
I don't know.
I know you think I'm not.
It's nice, dude.
Okay.
I got him swimming and just run blocking.
That's it.
Those are the only two things.
He's actually stronger than me.
What do you mean?
Like weights?
Weights, yeah.
He's so compact.
He's, yeah.
I've wrestled him. I beat the fuck out of him. What about fights, though? Have you seen... He Yeah, he's so compact. He's, yeah. I've wrestled him.
I beat the fuck out of him.
What about fights, though?
Have you seen?
He looks like he could kind of throw it out.
He could fight, but if we fought, I would win.
Really?
Yeah.
So, so far, everything we brought up.
I could wrestle him.
He could run.
Oh, he sucks at basketball.
I'd kill him in basketball.
You look like you could actually kind of hoop.
I can play a little.
You're one of those football hoopers.
It's bad, but I could score on him.
But he's brutal.
He looks like, it's like.
Football players are often good at bat. You've seen Tom Brady
jump or wet. Yeah, Tom is nice.
Chris can't score him badly.
Chris is quicker than him.
Chris can barely make a layup. I would just
lay off him and let him shoot.
He can't shoot. How far are we from
he could beat you in everything now? Yeah, I know.
We started out there.
He could beat me in all the gay sports, like running.
He's better in golf baseball
Definitely hockey's good at lacrosse
What about like what about like painting all the white sport? Yeah, what about paintings who knows more like you were having would you have
100% Oh Chris is really smart. He's he's fucking brilliant Chris is deceptively smart picture this but I can do stand-up. So that's what I Fucking running I do stand up
That's hard. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know this guy. Oh Chris. Come on. Chris is great. But Tommy poke you get around
I mean Tommy is an athlete. This is a natural born athlete. It's Tommy.
This is a natural born athlete.
You guys are trying to make me trash my friends right now.
Not do it.
What are you talking about?
They have a great podcast.
Stuff Island.
Stuff Island.
Great podcast.
Tommy can beat me in any sport.
He's not that great at basketball.
One-on-one, I can beat him.
Nah, I think Tommy gets you.
I've just played basketball with him this year.
He's not that good.
I mean, we played a couple times this year.
He's not that good. You're saying that you a couple times this year. He's not that good.
And you're saying
that you could beat him
one-on-one.
I would just turn around
and post up
from the start to finish.
He told me,
he's like,
I have to let him score
or else he won't let me open
at the next theaters.
He said,
at the next theaters
he won't let me be
part of the show.
I know what you guys
are doing right now
and I don't like it
because I'm falling into it.
I'm starting to trash my friends.
Tommy's a great athlete, yeah.
No, Tommy looks like
he's got muscle mass on you.
Absolutely.
I don't think you could just post him up.
I don't think it's that easy.
It is.
I don't know, man.
It is.
This is
faulty logic, I think.
You just tap the ball out, you know what I mean?
Then you're all fucked up.
I'll destroy you.
Destroy you?
It would be a bloodbath.
Okay, we'll play.
Whatever you want.
Akash has a nice little jimmy.
It could be a problem.
He's quick.
He's deceptive jumper.
They have never actually seen me play.
He has.
If you can shoot, I'd be fucked.
If you take off your shirt and those bobs are just bouncing around, bro, that might be the distraction.
That might trick him.
Suck him immediately.
Oh, all right.
Never mind.
Come on.
All right.
This is a funny thing.
Speaking of sucking bobs.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.. Yeah. I was having sex. I was having sex. I was having sex. I was having sex. I was having sex. I was having sex. I was having sex. I was having sex. I was having sex. I was having sex. I was a joke. All right, this is a funny thing that's been making me laugh.
This is probably, I should, all right.
I was having sex.
Oh, okay.
And a lady was sucking, she was kissing my chest.
And then she happened to suck on a bob.
And I nodded.
All right.
Dude.
Sorry, this is too much.
Dude.
So then.
Oh, my gosh.
That's sick.
So then she thinks that's my thing.
No.
And every time she does it, it gets in my head.
I'm like, don't.
You can't.
I mean, that makes it so much hotter, dude.
It comes so fast.
The second I'm like, don't come, don't come, don't come.
I'm like, oh.
So maybe I'm in the kitchen. Oh, my God. You so fast. The second I'm like, don't come, don't come, don't come. I'm like, oh. So maybe I'm in the kid's mind.
Oh, my God.
You did something.
The second you're in your head, you're like, don't.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're coming.
The best.
And then it's like, I know she thinks that that's my thing.
And she's right because it keeps working.
I can try to level with her.
No, you just found your thing.
Maybe you can talk about it.
Dude.
To her? Yeah. Yeah, you just found your thing. Maybe you can talk about it. To her?
Yeah.
Yeah, I've laughed about it.
I've been like, man, you're sucking my tits.
She's talking about my tits.
I go, goddamn, lady.
Are they always sensitive?
Don't.
Did you just nut everywhere?
Guys.
I didn't come down here
to get my tits played with.
Put more water on the feet?
Mark, don't get me going, man.
I'll fuck you from behind, dude.
That would look good, dude.
No, I got ass.
I got ass, dude.
I'm the cake boss.
What do you think about Ladyboys?
Thailand. Trip. I'm the cake boss. Yeah. Yeah. What do you think about Ladyboys? Thailand.
Trip.
I'm staunchly against it.
Why is that?
It's a sin.
No, I don't think too much of it.
I think it's hilarious when I watch documentaries on it, and it's like British dudes like,
I found the love of my life, daddy.
That was Australian, but whatever.
You know what I've noticed?
I get stuck in an accent,
and I can only do one.
I can't do British anymore
once I learn Australian.
Yeah.
Every time.
I was just in Dublin for a week.
Can you get Irish down?
I can get Dublin Irish, yeah.
Which is?
Like Conor McGregor type.
Oh, uh.
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That type of, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I got one guy on that. But that's all you got, though. You used to have it, but then That type of... Oh, yeah. I got one guy on that.
But that's all you got, though.
You used to have it, but then you kind of lost it.
Yeah, and Australian I got.
Those accents are all kind of the same.
South African, Australian.
No, you're Australian.
He's Australian.
I can do Australian.
Australian's great.
I might have lost it in Dublin.
No.
You drank it away?
Drank it away in Dublin.
Ah, shit.
Can't even speak English.
Yeah.
American. Yeah, American. You can't even speak English. American.
Yeah, American.
You can't even know that getting your tits sucked, dude.
You're fucking all over the board here, dude.
I knew I shouldn't have said that because you guys were going to be nasty about me being honest.
No, dude.
Hey, hey, hey.
We'll be vulnerable.
Do you guys have any things?
Yeah.
I like getting my dick sucked like a man.
And not when that happens.
You ever try that one, bro? I actually have a tough time coming from that. Oh, is that right? Do not when that happens? Yeah. You ever try that one, bro?
I actually have a tough time coming from that.
Oh, is that right?
Do you like more hands?
Chill.
I'm so good.
Dude, imagine though.
Imagine you couldn't nut with a girl and she would blow on you.
And then she takes one little blow on that titty.
And immediately.
It's all mental.
It's all mental.
It is, right?
The second, dude, God forbid a girl sticks a finger in my ass.
Oh, you got it.
I'll just be like, don't come, don't come.
Oh, no.
I don't even like this.
It's the same as if a girl just goes, don't come yet.
And then that immediately.
It's over.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So you like it when they're like, no. Yeah, stop it.
Nor.
Nor.
Yeah.
No, it's like
Yeah, if a girl, if I
if it feels like a girl's
about to come and she's like, don't stop, don't stop.
You shouldn't have said that.
Because now it's over. Now it's her fault.
Yeah, it's her fault.
You know?
Why are you guys acting like this isn't relatable?
No, it is relatable.
I'm just thinking about your joke with the Australian guy seeing the 9-11 thing. Oh, yeah.
I actually Googled that, and a couple Australians did die on that day.
Yeah.
That made me feel kind of bad.
Oh, really?
Why'd you ruin that?
What?
Why'd you ruin that for me?
Because I didn't know that until you said that.
And I was just thinking how hilarious it was.
You figured there's like 2,500 people or something.
But they're not finance people.
Yeah.
But I kept thinking, like...
Stop.
I don't want to make fun of you.
Stop.
But, yeah, I'm just thinking about, like, there's probably court cases where, like, you know, women went through horrible things.
And there was, like, these monsters in Australia that tried to do things to them.
And the girls, they were like, no, stop.
And you ruined that for me.
I just want to let you know.
Dude, that's all you.
I can't laugh.
I'm not jumping in.
Imagine being the judge, and then what happened?
And I was like, no.
No.
No.
No.
I won't sell you my vag and bob.
Those boys get down there.
Those Indians.
Oh, what?
They get down to Australia.
They break out.
In Australia?
Break out?
We're not in Australia.
Do you go wild?
Do you guys get wild?
I don't know.
Maybe.
Have you seen the show
Border Patrol?
No.
This is the greatest Australian show of all time, where literally it's just TSA people.
Oh, yeah.
I've only seen a clip of the Asian guy.
Stopping Indians and Asians from bringing insects into the country.
They're like, do you have any bugs?
They're like, no.
They're like, open your mouth.
And he's a thousand flies.
Why do you have all these bugs in your mouth?
He's a mummy.
He's a hundred.
He's a green mile guy.
Just.
They've never been anywhere. And their first trip, they're like, we're coming to Australia. No, you can't you got to go home.
You have to go home and they send them home and that's the whole show.
They have 20 seasons.
Great show.
Oh, and then I think I beat the other going.
It's Australian show where it's again them imagine the TSA show but now they're saving
drowning Indians.
And they the lifeguard show it's pakistanis full clothes they just can't handle it if you're just thrashing it
and the guys like stand up right now stand up hugs turbans fall in a hug term is he goes stand
up and he goes oh i thought it was deeper and then that was it it's getting two feet of water
and like i haven't seen water before bondi rescue bondi rescue That's the whole show. It's the greatest show of all time.
Those two shows, nothing better.
I've been there.
Bondi Beach is sick.
Pretty cool.
Yeah.
That pool.
You know, that cool.
At icebergs.
Yeah, icebergs.
Yeah.
Pretty sweet.
You see some action out there?
No, I was there in the winter.
There was just freaks swimming in the water.
Dude, he's right here.
It was so cold.
Bro, that's our friend, dude.
It could be nice. I'm not's our friend, dude. Be nice.
I'm not your friend.
I'm not your friend.
Come on, dude.
Wasn't Australia upset at you because you said, like, that was totally fabricated?
Wait, what's the beef?
There was, like, a New York Post article was, like, Australians are furious because I said they had no exports
and they were doing nothing.
Yeah.
The last people on this planet that will be offended by anything.
Australians.
Are Australians.
Yeah.
They are down for a good time.
So they just made that up?
They made a show about drowning Indians.
I'm sure there's two tweets.
They love funny shit.
There's probably like two tweets.
One of the tweets was like, that's not true.
We actually export ore and camels. It's like two tweets. One of the tweets was like, that's not true. We actually export ore and camels.
It's like nothing.
Literally, you're doing nothing.
Ore?
What the fuck is ore?
When we were out there, they were, I don't know if you've ever experienced.
Sometimes people get like, they get drunk and they get like real honest about the policies they're going.
And they were really upset about China buying, buying up all the mining rights.
Yeah.
That was the big issue there.
And when we were there, it was like, they had just found, found a spy in government
or something like that.
Do you remember this?
They found like this Chinese dude that got like elected and he was like part of government
and he was able to
secure some rights or some shit and I was like no yeah you have a couple drinks with those guys
they'll tell you oh yeah they like yeah immediately yeah they love cooking they love
and video poker I mean, that's a sick combo.
Can we do... Am I Australian and play video poker?
Crazy.
I'm from Brisbane.
Hold on.
We have to get to the bottom
of a little poker mystery
that you're involved in.
You're playing Padel
with none other than Jamie.
Jamie is such a bitch about this. I knew it was Jamie, dude. He is such a bitch about this.
I knew it was Jamie, dude.
He's such a pussy about this.
Go ahead.
So bring that up, Jamie.
Jamie Vernon, the legend.
We pulled up Jamie.
We pulled up Jamie for some padel.
We're in Austin.
And Jamie was like, listen, you had the last Protect Our Parks.
I was going to bring this story up with me and Shane.
It gets heated, dude.
Okay.
It gets heated.
Can you set it up the way that you know?
Because we only know Jamie's version.
All right.
We were, I was shit-faced.
It was after a show.
We're at a casino.
But weren't you with?
Yeah, with Rogan, Dana White.
Busting with the boys.
Trump was just there.
So you guys are charged up.
Yeah, and Dana and Taylor LeJuan are betting like-
Big. Hundreds of thousands of dollars, like per hand.
Yeah. But then we're at the other, like a side table. We're playing a little bit of money. And
we're playing blackjack. Jamie gets an ace, gets another ace, splits it. Now he's out of money.
He needs somebody to help. I go, yeah, I'll play that.
I'll play that card.
I'll play that.
That's funny how you worded it.
Yeah, I'll play that one.
Yeah.
And then another one and another one.
He got four aces in a row.
Get the fuck out of here.
So you keep splitting them.
Wow.
And I ended up paying for three of the aces.
He paid for the first one.
And then they all won.
And I think we should have split the winnings.
Evenly?
I'd say pretty even, yeah.
Now, here's the question.
Pretty even.
It seems.
I just bullied him into giving me 800 more dollars.
I kept fucking with him.
I kept doing that passive shit where he'd be like,
yeah, I'd be like, no, that's fine, that's fine.
No, but I think he, you should have got more.
75%. I did get more. Eventually, that's fine. That's fine. No, but I think he, you should have got more. 75%.
I did get more.
Eventually, I did get more, and he was upset about it because I guess in poker and gambling,
if somebody backs your bets, you just pay them back what they gave you.
And then a fee.
Not the winnings.
No, you get a little bit.
You get, you have to give them back.
I should have gotten all my winnings, which is what I got.
Yeah, yeah.
You won that one.
But I think his thing was like, I got gotta pay him back no matter what if I lose.
So he has no risk.
But it was the risk, though.
No, that was the risk.
If those hands lost, I lost those chips.
Oh, he-
He wasn't gonna pay me back.
That was the risk.
Oh, he was, yeah, so he paid for the split.
If you take the risk, you deserve all the rewards.
I agree, yeah.
After he won, he was like, I'm gonna pay him back no matter what.
This rule, after he won.
This rule is for
degenerate gambling addicts they're really like well you pay for me and then if i win it's my
money and you get yours back no suck my ass dude you're the one that's out of money you need mine
exactly i won you money yeah i'm on your side i couldn't agree more but jamie i did start bullying
him a little into giving me more and more and more money. I believe that.
And I was hammered enough to just take it.
Jamie said, like, the pit boss came by.
They wouldn't move on until they settled.
Yeah, we were screaming.
We were fighting.
Oh, my God.
He did.
Eight minutes.
He was serious, and I was hammered.
I was bothering him.
He said, you said, before you put the money in, you go, hey, Jamie, money's not real.
And then immediately I was like, I need that.
It's very real.
How much was the winnings?
No, I don't know.
I forget.
I swear to God.
Jamie knows exactly.
I know.
Jamie knows.
$3,400 exactly.
It was $3,400 and I think we split it even.
Or maybe I got a little more than that.
You should get more.
Which one?
You should get 75%. You pay for 75% of the hands.
No, not 75%.
I should get all of it.
Anyway.
Three out of four hands.
You should get all of it.
I don't want to keep you mean to Jamie.
No, we love Jamie.
It was Jamie's hand.
I'm taking...
I invited him to Ohio State Notre Dame.
I was going to get him his tickets,
but if he wants to be a bitch with us...
He's an Ohio boy.
He can pay for half of the tickets.
I think he should. He should pay for mine. I'm going to talk him his tickets. But if he wants to be a bitch, he's in Ohio. He can pay for half of the tickets. I think he should.
He should pay for mine.
I'm going to talk him into that.
Go over beers, dude.
You can fucking Napoleon his ass, dude.
Fucking conquest.
Napoleon his best.
Wait, why is Napoleon the goat?
I don't know.
I stopped reading that book.
Oh, that chapter?
It's like, why is the goat?
I got pumped on the Napoleon preview.
Oh, it was great.
And I sent you something recently.
There's like Ridley Scott has a four and a half hour cut of the movie.
I go, I'm like, we're sending this to Rogan right now.
We got to get it.
And we're organizing a screening.
And that's all I want to watch is the four and a half hour version.
But I think a lot of people don't understand why Napoleon is the goat.
Because in America, we look at the French as just getting walked over through wars throughout history
But they he was that motherfucker. Yeah
So you were when we were in our private drunk bar conversations you were breaking down
Napoleon and that's because I just read it and it was fresh. I don't
Break down total total war. Yeah
Which is different than American total war to come to?
Yeah, kind of.
But yes, they were, the total war was like maybe invented by Napoleon where it was like using the entire country.
The way you were talking about using like women, just the entire country's industry switches to war.
Like when it's wartime?
Yeah.
The car makers don't make cars.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They make tanks.
Yeah.
Okay.
And bullets.
And the entire country is like, yo, it's on.
And no other country did that.
War was kind of-
It was gentlemanly.
Yeah, it's a weird thing to say that.
Like lords would have like, yeah, they would like, when they surrendered a fort, they would
like hand them a sword and have like a meeting and all that shit.
But he was the one that was like, no, we're-
Fuck them.
Killing everybody.
I'm wondering how many more people have died in war since Napoleon.
I mean, World War II was crazy.
One and two, we did it.
It was the worst things that have ever happened.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They did it.
And we'll do it again.
Yeah.
We're going to do it again.
You keep going from they to we.
Well, if it's a victory.
Those guys did it.
And now we're going to do it again.
We were in both World Wars.
The people alive.
We'll be in the third, I'm sure.
Yeah, we'll do it.
You're not sitting that out.
But does the third happen?
I don't know.
I go back and forth if the third one actually happens.
Because I think if the third one happens, it's just everybody's dead.
Because we have weapons of mass destruction now.
Yeah, I just...
It's like that Einstein quote.
Yeah.
Yeah, it sticks and stuff.
Yeah.
I remember Call of Duty. Yeah. It was a Call of Einstein quote. Yeah, my guess takes us down. Yeah, I remember Call of Duty
What is it I'd be like whatever in 10th grade just
What is it the last war will be fought with yeah
The first war is like bullets and guns the second bullet the guns, but the third will be sticks and stones. Yeah
Oh, yeah, I don't know what World War three will be fought with but I know world were the next one will be war four with six
And so right now it sounds like he's I was at it. No, it's the first one sticks and stone mark messed up. Yeah
Yeah, the last is you guys have a fucking weird thing that makes you jizz
My wife really is the main thing Don't try to be tough
Just my wife
Just missionary with my wife
I think if they say something random out of nowhere
Like during the session
You never heard them say
Love has been on a tear
Did you just call sex the session?
Yeah
No no no
He looks at it and he's like It's been crazy What have you been on it but that's how he looks at it's like
it's been session no no it's what have you been up to no no it's been
yes it's fashion week no no no no you've got the sexy dumb dumbs yeah exactly
yeah right now it's fashion so it's like you didn't know that it was fashion week
right now it's fashion week all the sexy dumb dumbs are in town dove has a demographic that
he is absolutely undefeated with, and it is
stunningly beautiful women with
shockingly low IQs.
Stop it. They're smart ones.
What? Stop it. You've never introduced us to a smart girl.
The girl did no numbers. The girl this last
weekend was very smart, very
beautiful.
But then...
She has a Xanax addiction.
See, and this is... She does have a Xanax addiction. There's is this is there's always a catch of a xanax
there's always a catch with that it's all a comedy podcast who cares yeah yeah who cares dude
fucking stonewall are you wondering for a conversation he's got an ecstasy addiction
who cares yeah no shit have you done some ecstasy wait a minute talk to me wait wait wait
molly molly no no ecstasy i mean, dude. Wait a minute. Talk to me. Wait, wait, wait. Molly?
Molly.
No, no, ecstasy. I mean, there's no difference.
No, there is a fucking huge difference.
Do you know?
Oh, I'm going to have so much fun in the next five minutes.
The next five minutes are going to be so much fun.
That's what makes Shane calm.
I mean, obviously, there is a difference.
This is his Napoleon.
He's going to really break it down for you.
Oh, my God.
Break down total E.
The difference is probably cocaine and meth and other amphetamines that are inserted into the pill.
But it's a concoction of the best substances that make you high.
And it has all the molly that you need to feel amazing and full and wanting to share.
But fucking A, does music sound good on it?
And we should do it now.
Okay.
We should do it now.
Hang on.
Whoa, hang on. We should do it now. Hang on. Whoa, hang on.
We should do it.
But you did it one week ago.
We should do it right fucking now.
If you did it a week ago, it won't be that great.
We'll just double up.
Oh, that's your ability to produce the serotonin or whatever?
Oh, Tanya just said the dealer's on the way.
I'm not really going to do it now.
I have to go on a date with my wife after this.
That would be such a bad date.
It would be the best date you'll ever have in your life.
It's the best version of yourself.
Not tell her and then be so amazing on the date
that she starts to like when I'm on ecstasy.
She won't like you after that.
I don't like me after.
That's the problem.
Can I tell you something?
I was on a dating app and the girl will have, what she likes, likes, dislikes, and
one of the things was my simple pleasure, and it was Shane Gillis.
I sent him that screenshot.
Oh, shit.
Did you match with her?
Of course I did.
Dumb girls like you, bro.
Hell yeah.
Hell yeah, dude.
She might not be dumb.
That's how you know you made it, though.
Was she a babe?
Yo, can we bring it up?
We won't tell.
I sent him this. Bring it up. Let's go. You got made it, though. Was she a babe? Yo, can we bring it up? We won't tell. I sent him this from the way it was.
Let's go.
You got all the tisms.
Is she into sucking the fat guy's tits?
I mean, she liked the...
I can't leave.
I have to be honest with you guys.
Yes.
Wait, what happened when you did Molly?
Where were you?
I did Molly...
First time I did Molly was...
Girl Sucked Your Tits in Cane.
Lewis Gomez's
Skank Fest?
Bachelor?
No, he didn't get married.
Some type of Lewis Gomez party in like a warehouse.
No, it was, fuck, it was one of the Gas Digital guys.
Funny.
Bachelor party.
Okay.
That Lewis put together and me and O'Connor took Molly
and it was in like, dude, it was like in a warehouse
in Brooklyn with like, it was disgusting.
It was truly disgusting.
Louis Gomez set it up.
So it was like for real.
Louis J.
It was like five Dominican strippers.
And then like this staff from gas digital.
And then me and Chris took Molly and just sat like stayed away.
We're like, I don't want to talk to them.
I don't want to talk to anyone.
This is, we just sat and looked at, actually it was like four years ago.
Cause I was getting SNL and I was like, damn.
Life is going to be quick.
What can go wrong?
This is pretty nice.
But over COVID, we would have shows at Helium in Philly where, cause that way we could hang out like afterwards. It was the only
place that was like, you know, that was a bar. Um, and big J would come down and he would always
have Molly. So every two weeks we were doing Molly. That's a lot. Yeah. And, uh, the first
time I ever really did it since that bachelor party was I was hosting the show and then Big J was on stage
and we had taken it
after I had been on stage
and we were just sitting
in the green room
and he was like,
let's bring Shane back out.
And as soon as he said it,
I felt that wave,
that first like Molly wave.
Yeah, it smacks you.
Oh, yeah.
That first hit?
Yeah, that first hit.
His teeth just groaned.
And then I couldn't talk. I got on stage and I was like just holding my face
And I was like I've never done this before
Dude how
Cause Jay could take it and just go on stage
No problem
I was like dude how the fuck are you talking to anybody
I was like alright sorry everybody I'm on ecstasy
And the crowd was like yeah we love you
And I was like dude stop
The whole crowd was like we all love the crowd was like yeah we love you and i was like dude stop
the whole crowd was like we all love you i was like dude i love you guys so much
i can't believe cove it's fake
but you're a fan of the substance i am it's just it is intense yeah and i don't like being around
like anytime i've ever taken it i go go sit by myself. Dude, we did.
Somewhere, like, quiet.
What if you do it with people that aren't?
You get away from people off of it and everyone with it.
I don't know.
I haven't really done that.
Most of the times, I've been the only guy on XC and everyone else is like, bro.
We'll be hugging.
We did it when we were at fucking Burning Man.
Obviously, not this year, but last year.
And he was like, oh, this is the most pure shit. it was like maybe it was too pure but that's it i like
didn't want to talk to anybody i was just sitting back like this i want it a little bit impure
meth you want a little mess yeah a little excitement like let's have some fun let's talk
you want avoiding the math but i like it yeah i like you like to casually Yeah. I like that. You like to casually do meth with a boy. I like meth. Take Adderall. Amphetamine.
Get fucked up.
Dude, don't even get me started with Adderall.
It is the best fucking drink.
This guy's addicted to meth.
Am I?
Am I, though?
I can't even imagine you on Adderall.
You know, the way you can imagine him, you haven't seen him.
You haven't seen him.
It's all good.
No, no, no, no.
I barely, I do it regularly.
No, no, no, no, no.
But our conversation that we had at the cellar, if that was Adderall, no, it wasn't.
But if it was, we're there until six in the morning.
And we have worked through every single generation of history's greatest ruler, conqueror, leader.
Adolf.
Yeah.
He was addicted to meth.
That's right.
They all were on it.
Same haircut, addicted to meth.
That's right. The Germans were on it. Same haircut, addicted to meth. They were on it. That's right.
The Germans were fucking hopped up.
What's up with all
the satanic shit
that they were on?
Come on, bro.
They weren't satanic, bro.
But they were into the occult, right?
They did the most evil shit
of all time.
But weren't they,
what was the obsession
with the occult?
And what is that?
Just try and tap in, dude.
Get all the advantages you can.
Is there any advantage to that?
Because all the satanists... Obviously not, dude. They got obviously not dude they got their shit ripped like jesus bro jesus it was
literally actually no it was godless communists okay the russians absolutely but no no weren't
they the uh they were like christian orthodox at the time i'm sure a lot of the guys were but
yeah the government itself was was the godlessless communist. Yeah. Yeah, because Russians all, what's up with Putin, bro?
What's up with Putin?
Funny way to say it.
Yo, what's good with that guy, right?
Yeah, what's up with Putin?
He's a violent out, dude.
I'm trying to, like, what is the end game for Putin?
Do you think he's, like, what is a guy like that?
Is he a prisoner of the power?
Meaning, like, at no time in his life can he just go, all right, guys, I'm good.
I'm going to hand it off to somebody else.
He has to be supreme leader until he dies.
So he has all the money in the world.
He's the richest guy ever.
Yet he can do nothing.
Is he?
He's very rich.
He gets a piece of everything.
I mean, I'm sure he's very rich.
He's like the guy from Turkey where basically you're running a mafia state
and you're getting a piece of every single
Erdogan.
You have a piece of the trees.
The ground, this.
But then he can't do anything.
At what cost?
What do you mean he can't do anything?
He's literally invading other countries.
I can do whatever I want.
He can't do Mali for a fucking Saturday?
He's Bam Margera? He can doading other countries. No, but he can't do Mali for a fucking Saturday. Is Bam Margera?
He can do whatever he wants.
Ultimate freedom is Bam.
Bam is ultimate freedom.
Yeah, that is true.
Yo, shout out Bam, man.
I'm about to invade Ukraine.
I didn't understand.
I watched CKY2K when I was a kid.
It was the best.
I literally put a fucking leash on a bug.
I couldn't believe how good it was.
Do people understand what that is?
There's CKY and CKY2K.
Were these skate videos that these guys from, where in Pennsylvania?
Westchester.
Are they from near?
Where we just were.
Get the fuck out of here.
That's all band territory.
So where we're filming, can I say anything?
Sure.
Okay, so we're filming Shane's new show, Tire.
Shane and McKeever.
McKeever.
And McKeever.
And fucking O'Connor and Pope and-
All the bros.
Will, fucking amazing.
The show is hilarious.
I love your sketches.
And just imagine the sketches, but with narrative.
So now you're not only rooting for somebody for three to five minutes,
you're rooting for somebody for six episodes.
It's fucking awesome.
It was, yeah, whatever.
I'm so stoked to see what you guys do with it.
That's not fluff.
I genuinely was like, this is fucking so much fun.
I'm in it.
Are you going to be honest about his performance?
It was great.
But actually, for real.
You're a great actor.
Ah, dude.
Stop it, dude.
Stop it, dude. Stop it, dude. Stop it, dude. It does suck, dude. You're a great actor. Ah, dude. Stop it, dude. Stop it, dude.
Stop it, dude.
Stop it, dude.
It does suck, dude.
You're a really good actor.
It does suck.
There was a couple times
during a scene
where he was showing
another character his phone
and he was talking about a chick.
And just the way
you nailed that line,
I was sitting across the table
just like,
nice.
Because I was waiting
because I never,
I haven't really seen
a show to act. We suck at acting. Cause I never, I haven't really seen.
We suck at acting.
99% of them are off the charts bad.
And it's because we're used to trying to say the funny thing. And in acting, your character would never try to be funny.
Your character would be dead serious.
And the thing that I think you guys do so well in the sketches is the characters aren't trying to be funny.
The situation is funny with the characters being serious.
And the show, not to get too inside baseball about it, but there's this thing that you
guys would do, and we were saying it before the pod, which was so good, is somebody would
say a line that was funny.
And then you guys would be like, it's too funny.
It's too good.
You can tell it's a joke.
You can tell it's a joke.
And a character just hanging out would never say a joke and if they did say a joke we would all acknowledge
that it was a joke yeah yeah yeah like if i said a funny misdirection line to you we would all go
i know what you're doing yeah we're in traditional sitcoms they don't yeah so people just have these
hilarious jokes out of nowhere that nobody reacts to and you're like what the fuck is going on here
yeah and there's a studio audience.
Laughing.
They're the ones getting the joke.
Yes.
And the characters don't.
Yeah.
Which I love, to be honest with you.
I love all that.
Yeah.
I feel like a dinosaur.
That's totally acceptable.
People love it.
I mean, Seinfeld has a lot of it.
You were saying Friends.
Although Seinfeld, yeah.
Some Friends is just punchline, punchline, punchline. Yeah.
And it's like, I turn my brain off.
I'm like, this is fantastic.
Do you like Big Bang Theory?
Yeah, dude.
I knew you did. Yeah. Now he's's judging you now he's being me now i do
think that's the guy that plays shelvin is in like amazing to be honest yeah yeah that guy is a good
actor he didn't even let you he didn't let you insult him you saw you were about to insult him
and he was like nah i'm gonna get something denying it was a successful very successful
show yeah but i don't know there's there's no denying it was a successful... Very successful show. Yeah. But I don't know, there's like...
And I didn't name the Indian.
I mean, that was good.
I'm glad to give him another one.
That was good.
I don't know.
I just like how it sets up the world, right?
Because it's easy to get lost in a world
if you know that people are...
Everybody's a character
and they're acknowledging they're a character.
What just happened?
Oh, we got more?
Bring them in. We're doing a case race just happened? Oh, we got more? Bring them in.
We're doing a case race, dude.
Oh, don't do that.
You know, fighting a producer in Barcelona.
Bro, I saw that.
Why even bring that up?
Why even bring that up?
It was so devastating.
Thank you.
You went full face paint.
Full face paint in a fight.
I knew it was funny.
I knew everything on there was funny while it was happening.
But also.
And then it's one of those things where you wake up, like you do something like so embarrassing on purpose.
We always need to show them.
Yeah, I mean it's so bad.
Just show a screenshot.
Just show a screenshot of his face.
Imagine somebody getting into a somewhat serious fight.
No, that was it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
Now, imagine him seriously.
Hold on.
Go over to the bucket hat and the sunglasses.
This is it.
So, I don't get it.
What's going on?
Oh, so we did a case race with Barstool.
Case race is?
So it was just a live podcast.
We all got teams.
Whoever can drink.
A case of beer first.
A case of beer first.
That's 24 cans?
Just a live podcast.
So, of course, by the end of it, I drank 20 fucking beers in like an hour.
I'm sitting there like, ah!
And one of the producers kept,
so I went to the bathroom
and I didn't know
while I was gone,
one of the producers is Asian
and they were like,
hey, just so you know,
he was fired
for being racist against Asians.
And this guy just drank 15 beers.
So he's like,
I get back.
I'm like, hey, what's up everybody?
He's mad.
He's like,
what's your Chinese order?
And I was like,
what? I'm not telling you, mad. He's like, what's your Chinese order? I was like, what?
I'm not telling you, dude.
I'll never tell you.
I'm blacked out.
He's hammered.
And then he came in the room and stood over me.
I thought we were fucking around.
And he tried to fight.
And I moved the mic and I was... Green face.
There's a serious moment., you fucking dumbass.
My favorite part is you being dead serious.
I'm not fighting, bro.
I'm not going to fight, dude.
It's hard to fight in face paint.
That is tough.
I hadn't stood up really.
If I stood up and tried to fight a guy 25 beers deep in front of cameras,
dude, that's a nightmare.
That's a nightmare.
Let's say I won. There's a kick.
It's even worse.
It's worse if you win.
I go on Barstool with face paint.
Just wailing on an Asian dude.
I mean, just terrible.
That was the first one we did, and I didn't really know those guys that well.
Yeah.
So then I went back a second time, and it was nothing but positive energy.
Good vibes.
Yes.
And me and that guy are friends.
Oh, you guys are cool.
Yeah.
When was the last time you were in a fight fight?
Ten years.
Really?
To the day.
9-11.
9-11.
No, actually, it was on 9-11.
First taxi driver you saw.
You woke up.
He was white.
I said, you had something to do with it.
You're friends with him.
What was your face made that day?
Two towers?
Fucking representing for the city to do with it. What was your face made that day? Two towers? Fucking representing for the city.
I love it.
When was your last fight?
You've never been in a fight.
I've never been in a fight.
I knew that.
But he almost did.
Yeah, you can tell.
You can tell.
Why would someone try to fight me?
You almost fought that girl.
I tell the story about the girl.
I make some words.
I fuck it.
My mom was acting up.
No.
She was. I was like, fuck you. I hate Hey, mom, I was going to see ky2k
No, dude a lady bumped into me she fucking shoulder check me on the street
No, no, no, she went she saw him walking on the street and went like that. Yeah, she said a screen
She said, yeah, hold on. I No, it's embarrassing my older sisters played basketball
So I used to say I would set picks like I had tits
This chick said a pic if I can check me on the sidewalk and i almost went back and fought her
i didn't though i was a good guy but i was close i've been to a fight and maybe i mean that's just
being white we need a little more backstory he did mushrooms he did mushrooms the week before
okay yeah and also he's zanned out no he was in touch with his emotions for the first time in a long time, maybe ever in his life.
And he came into the podcast and he goes, he goes, he goes, guys, I had, I'm like in touch with my emotions.
Like I'm starting to feel things.
Like this girl, this, he goes, this lesbian walked up, checked me on the street.
I literally turned around, walked back up to her.
And then I turned back around, but like I thought about doing something.
For real though.
I almost caught a case on that one.
That would have been such a mistake.
What? If I fought a
lesbian at Williamsburg?
You're allowed to fight at Williamsburg.
You'll literally be in jail.
They let you fight at Williamsburg.
I beat her up actually. Fuck the story.
I beat her up. That's where I got this flannel.
I stole it off her.
Give me it.
Why would someone try to fight me? There's no reason. where I got this flannel, dude. Fuck that shit. I stole it off her. I was like, give me it. But yeah, dude.
Why would someone try to fight me?
There's no reason.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
I don't get shit-faced in bars.
You know what I mean?
Shit rules.
Who'd you fight 10 years ago?
Oh, we had a party
and my friend's a dickhead
and he was like,
Shane, this guy's trying to fight you.
And the guy, I was like, dude, I know he's not trying to fight me. Why are you doing that? And the guy just stood up and was like, Shane, this guy's trying to fight you. And the guy, I was like, dude,
I know he's not trying to fight me.
Why are you doing that?
And the guy just stood up and was like, what if I am?
And then we just started, like, it was like, well, then.
You started swinging?
I'd kill you.
He was so small.
I love that.
So he starts, well, like, then there'd be a problem.
And then we all, like, his friends, my friends
started, like, getting involved.
And, like, then we would go outside.
And we get outside and he starts stretching his legs.
And he's like, I'm a kickboxing state champion.
And I was like, dude, I'm 300 pounds.
I'm going to destroy.
What are you thinking right now?
So I grabbed him and held him over this like fence that was like waist high.
And I was holding him down.
I was like, dude, fucking.
As soon as I grabbed him, he was like, all right, chill, chill, chill.
And then while he was on his back, he went.
No. Punched me in the face. I was just like, okay. fucking soon as I got to the guard to to to and then while he was on his back he went no
Okay
Free reign wailed on there was the only fight I've been in that I was like laughing
For real normally, I'm crying
Not too many can I what's your record
Undefeated wait really? Oh, I've never been. If somebody's gonna whoop my ass, I'm like. You're like, I'll laugh my way out.
You got it, bro.
She's yours.
You'll fight like small people and women.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, exactly.
I have to ask.
This guy's little.
He's a kickboxing champion.
What was?
Oh, Shane.
He was a honky.
Thank God.
Thank God, Shane.
Thank God, dude.
But, yeah.
I remember that was when thisisfifty.com was.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I just kept yelling, thisisfifty.com.
It was like pre-World Star.
I was like, kill this kid.
Shout out to Jack Fuller.
Blood everywhere, yeah.
Really?
Yeah, I broke his nose.
This is 25.
You're on, like, the streets.
No, it was a party at Penn State.
Younger kids.
So you were one of the graduated.
I was an adult man.
Adults that were at the party.
That beat up a college student.
And what did your friend say when he was like, yo, my bad?
No, he started the fight and then immediately like slapped his friend.
He was on.
Yeah, he was trying to fight. Yeah, he was trying to fight. He's the best, dude. This he was on yeah he was trying to fight yeah
he was trying to fight the best that was great he was trying to we were just sitting in a kitchen
at a college party i think it was just dudes i think all the women had left and then it was like
all right let's who are we fighting now i'm undefeated in fights that's great but it's not
like i'm good at fighting it's literally just grabbing someone and holding them down and crying. Why do you have to cry?
I get emotional during fights.
Wait, really?
Face turns dark red.
As you're beating the shit out of them.
That's it.
That's my move.
That's the most embarrassing is getting the shit kicked out of you by a crying man.
No, I know, by a giant crying guy.
What a terrifying guy.
It is scary.
The giant dude beat the shit out of me in a weft.
Like a 6'5 crying baby just beating the shit out of me.
He squeezed me. He didn't even hurt me.'5 crying baby just beating the shit out of me.
He squeezed me.
He didn't even hurt me.
He squeezed me at the party as hard as he could.
Fucking Hodor, dude.
That's terrible.
It is fucking unmicin men over here.
That's all I can do is just Lenny these boys.
It is.
Got Lenny these bulls, though.
Big Lenny, dude.
That's all you can do.
Nah.
I tried to fight Rogan last week.
Really?
Whoops.
Oh, that picture wasn't Photoshopped?
No, he ripped my shoulder off.
Wait, really?
Yeah, and I was hammered, so I was like, you can't tap me, dude.
Jiu-Jitsu's gay.
I kept fucking with him.
He tapped me like eight times, dude.
He kept going.
That easy?
Yeah.
Do you think if you were sober and he was sober that you could wrestle?
No, no, no.
It's just.
No.
It's too good.
I need to see this guy fight.
I need footage of Roman.
Anybody that does jujitsu, but also he's excellent.
Well, he also does the kickboxing shit too.
The kick is crazy.
Oh, if he kicked, I mean, he'd shatter a leg.
Yeah.
Immediately.
And Ari was fucking with him while he was doing it.
Oh, he was gassing him up.
Ari was like, Shane, you're so much stronger than him.
Just stand up.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
He was like, no, he's not. It's like, dude, he're so much stronger than him. Just stand up. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. He was like, no, he's not.
It's like, dude, he's fucking with you.
Stop.
Wow.
But I was drunk enough.
He'd get me in like a triangle choke or something.
I'd be like, this is nothing fucking pussy.
I was like, I'm never going to fucking dab.
Wow.
That Jiu Jitsu shit is not a game.
Wow.
That's crazy.
But it started with me pass blocking him and
Get by you know
Yeah, if he went as hard as he could
That guy could probably get under I wasn't ready
I wasn't willing to go as hard as I could but I was just run blocking
I was just grabbing him pushing him forward and he was not feeling and then he was like
He like pulled my arms in it was like now I have your back
was not feeling that. And then he was like,
he like pulled my arms in and was like, now I have your back. I was like, alright
dude. Gay.
Wow. Did you see
the fight this weekend? That jiu-jitsu shit is real.
I did. See the Anzi fight? I did. What'd you think?
Very sad. Yeah. That sucked
ass. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. But Strickland's undeniably cool.
Bro, he is great.
He's undeniably, I mean that's the thing about UFC,
like I love a lot of these fighters. The characters are just incredible. The characters, but is great. He's on the... I mean, that's the thing about UFC. Like, I love a lot of these fighters.
The characters are just incredible.
The characters.
But, like, Strickland's unbelievable.
They seem like the most fun athletes just like to chill with.
Bro, he wins the belt.
They ask him, how does he feel?
What's going on?
And somehow, within like a minute of answering the question, he's like, I don't think women should vote.
He's wild on the mic. he's like, I don't think women should vote. And he's wild.
He's busting balls.
Like you can tell
because he's kind of like
smiling about it.
Like he's aware
of what he's doing.
But it was such a tricky thing.
I was watching,
I was watching highlights
of it today, man.
And it was like,
yeah, it's so wild to see
Izzy in that situation.
Yeah.
Because he's just been
so dominant, striking.
He did survive that,
which was crazy.
He survived that.
He got up off the ground quickly.
Yeah, big shot.
Yeah.
He survived that well.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think they run that back.
I think they run that back.
I think Izzy was...
Actually, I don't know what Izzy was up to,
but from looking at the highlights,
it felt as if he went in there going, yo, I'm going to just submit this guy, and that'll be like a fun little
notch on my belt because I've never submitted somebody.
And then he was like, oh shit, this guy's really good at striking, and I didn't prepare
for his-
He's like a 1920s boxer.
Bro.
Stands in front of you.
Yeah.
Just walks you down.
Distance management crazy.
Have you talked to Izzy yet?
Yeah.
Like extensively about the fight?
A little bit.
A little bit.
And what did he say?
Can you share?
Nah.
But like I think Izzy, the thing that I've always admired about him is he has this like macro view of career and world and all these things.
Like he's looking at things like storylines.
Yeah.
You know?
And he's like, without sharing anything, he handles these types of situations better than most. Yeah. And he's like, without sharing anything, he handles these types of situations better than most.
Yeah.
And if you believe that there's a greater ending for you in the future, then you can handle these little hiccups.
But, I mean, imagine him selling the redemption story.
Yeah.
Because that's one of the things he's great at, is building up the story the fight and uh i mean this is just gonna be crazy yeah strickland's a fun character to root
for though oh yeah he's like i don't have any new names he really is like yeah is he crazy like what
what does he say he's crazier than nate What does he say? It's not like straight.
What does he said?
Yeah.
Oh dude.
He's a wild boy.
Everything.
I know.
I know.
Any interview.
He's like,
Oh,
thanks to my dad who fucking abused me.
It paid off.
Yeah.
Awesome.
Yeah.
He's like,
yeah.
He's like child abuse works.
And he's laughing while he's saying it. Like he knows it's a joke. Okay. He got the belt where he was like, I know Dana's piss. So like, abuse works. Yeah, he's like, child abuse works. And he's laughing while he's saying it.
He knows it's a joke.
He got the belt.
He was like, I know Dana's pissed.
They're like, fuck, this fucking retard has the belt.
He goes, maybe I'll get a sponsorship, but fuck Nike.
For no reason.
Great.
Yeah, it's interesting to say that.
That was like Nate Doe with those.
You ever see that clip when they were all giving him
like the rocks, Under Armour shoes?
Oh, and he's like.
And every UFC fighter was like, these are awesome.
These are the new coolest.
He's like, yeah, I, he was like, fuck these shoes.
No, no, no.
Don't, don't, don't.
Don't you dare.
No, I'm not doing it.
Don't you dare.
Did you get checked?
Yeah, I don't think he likes it.
We were at dinner and he was like, I don't sound like that.
I was like.
Okay. You're checked for doing it? Yeah. We got out of dinner and he was like, I don't sound like that. I was like, never again.
The cool thing about him fighting Jake is, or when he fought Jake, was that you could tell Jake either respects him or, I don't want to say fears him, but knows that he's like.
Scary crew that Nate hangs out with. So Jake didn't really go crazy in the promotion in terms of the insults to him or his family or anything like that.
And then Nate wasn't really saying anything too crazy about them.
There seemed to be a base on respect.
So in the interviews going up, you saw Nate like, I don't know, you got to see way more of who he was as a dude.
He was on Bradley Martin's podcast, and he was just kind of like chilling, talking.
Bradley was like, can I beat you in a fight?
He goes, yeah, nah, man.
It's not possible.
You're a podcaster.
Yeah.
Yeah, literally, you have no choice.
I don't know.
He's a, I wonder, yeah.
I see Sean stepping into that position that was in the UFC, like the anti-hero of the UFC.
I agree, but he's saying wild.
He's got to button it up a little bit.
Because he'll make so much goddamn money
if he'll just not go too far with it.
Yeah, but if he keeps it,
what he's saying is funny.
And true.
It's mostly true.
A lot of it is intensely true.
Child abuse did create a UFC fighter.
Many of them.
Probably many, yeah.
Yeah.
Anyway, how long is this?
I got to piss.
Me too.
Can we pause?
Let's pause and pee.
All right, we're going to take a break real quick because I got to help out the fellas.
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And we're back in, we're back in.
Okay, so like- Shane just shared a funny sexual story with us. Yeah we're back in. All right. Hey. We're back in. Okay, so like.
Shane just shared a funny sexual story with us.
Yeah, but not.
Oh, yeah.
You guys.
Maybe someone else could chime in.
You ever get your nipples sucked?
I have not.
Can I be honest with you, Shane?
I have not.
Can I be honest with you?
I have not.
Can I be honest with you?
I've had ass play.
Ew.
It was a dick.
It wasn't like a finger or something like that.
All right, what happened?
No, no.
A girl licked my ass and played
with the rim. I wouldn't let her go in out of fear that I would enjoy it. I did feel that same fear.
I'm going to be honest with you. And it was the most incredible thing. And she came back,
this is years ago, years ago, I'm a happily married man. And he talked about this on the
podcast years ago. And she came back and I prepared for it. I stopped the hookup.
I went to the bathroom and I washed to make sure it was really nice.
Real negative.
And I tried to toot it to make her do it.
And she wouldn't do it again.
Ooh, it must have been bad.
Wow.
Rotten.
Now you know how girls feel.
Rotten, bro.
So you'll never feel that with your clean tits.
Yeah.
Fucking nice tits.
One time.
You never had no ass plate?
No. Come on, dude. You don't even have hair. You don't look like you have a hairy ass. Fucking nice tits. One time, you never had no ass plate? No.
Come on, dude.
You don't even have hair.
You don't look like
you have a hairy ass.
I'm not hairy.
You have a nice little pink ass.
Yeah.
That's the lies.
Have you ever done Sugon?
Son, you would come
thinking about it.
Just imagine a girl
just put her fucking...
I'm not your fucking son, dude.
Just imagine...
I am not your son.
Girls are licking your ass
Before they're sucking your tits
That's the next level
It wasn't like full on
Oh stop it
It was kissing
Imagine a suck
Imagine a deep
It was some
She got some
She got some milk
You gotta try Sugon with a girl some smoothies in there. She got some milk. Oh, shit. She got some milk.
She got some milkies.
You gotta try Sugon with a girl.
What's Sugon?
That's where you
Sugon his dick.
You're a fucking idiot.
I hate you.
Ha!
You're fucking gay.
You're so gay.
Ha!
Yo, how did you
fall for that, Shane?
How did you take
an Uber here from Queens
to fall for that, Shane?
Dude. You guys are so fucking crazy.
Dude, why are you flicking him off?
I know.
Because he's a gay man.
He's a gay guy.
I have to sit here.
Yeah, I know.
This shit sucks.
Dude.
I feel you.
He's done.
Our cast is done, too.
It's just these two fucking dipshits.
Dude, you know who fucking DM'd me? The Imagine Dragons.
Do you know them?
Wait, really?
Yes.
I'm waking up.
No, not the podcast.
Oh, I know what you're doing.
I know what you're doing.
What am I doing?
Go ahead.
What?
You want me to Imagine Dragons?
I got it.
I got it.
Took me a second.
I'm excited to sing.
That was what you were talking about.
My friend Billy, we don't fuck, was talking to me about, you were asking about freestyling.
Yeah.
This is the best game, is having your boys sing.
For real, sing.
Oh, we do that regularly on the podcast.
But like as hard as you can.
Yeah, we do it regularly.
Like genuinely try to sing.
Do-do-do.
Now by yourself.
Now by yourself. Do it by yourself. Do-do-. Do do do do do do do. Now by yourself. Hmm.
Now by yourself.
Do it by yourself.
Do do do do do do do.
Hmm.
You wanna leave him the hook?
Sing it by yourself.
Do do.
The very first time.
Now you gotta really sing.
That I saw your brown eyes.
You're mumbling, you're mumbling.
Pass it to Andrew.
You gotta sing loudly.
You said hello and I said hi.
I knew right then you were the one.
Ew, dude.
All right, Andrew.
But I was caught up. In physical attraction. Ew, dude. But I was caught up in physical attraction.
Now sing.
You be quiet.
But to my satisfaction.
Ew, don't look at me, Barack.
Yeah.
Oh, you like that.
You like that.
You like that.
I hit that note.
You just like, ooh.
Don't get in high contact with me, Barry.
I got a little tingly.
Go, Mark.
All right.
Go, pass it over.
But to my satisfaction.
It's different when you're mumbling, mumble singing anyway.
You're the one.
Hit it, Mark.
And if I ever fall in love again, I will be sure that the lady is a friend.
And if I ever fall in love so true,
I will be sure that the man is like you.
I hate you guys.
You're for real.
My friend.
Hey, hey.
Don't get me wrong. My friend. I should have never told you guys about my fucking nipples.
All right, what song you got?
You got a song, right?
Yeah.
All right, go.
All right.
Do you want a beat?
Yeah.
I don't have any songs.
I don't know.
Imagine Dragons, you just did it.
Yeah, true.
But hit it.
What about some Creed? I can i can sing some creed
all right go uh let me get you some lyrics uncomfortable is amazing you guys all sang
together like a bunch of freaks what song you want though we are a bunch of friendship what
do you think stuff we sang first of all i didn't sing because i can't but one by one they sang
yeah we all yeah yeah yeah they're I agree. You guys are really good at saying it. Give them with arms wide open. I didn't get into it.
I don't think I know shit.
Like, don't get there.
I just heard the news.
I told you I have COVID-19.
My throat's a little warm.
That's what it is, that's it.
COVID-19, bro?
Come on.
Nah, if that Obama's digging you out, nah, all right.
Keep going.
Whoa!
What did he say?
Wait.
Bro, he called you a chef, bro.
Did he call you Ratatouille?
Big chef dog.
Chef Boyardee.
Yeah.
He was...
So wait.
Barack Obama...
Hang on.
Okay.
I got it.
I got it.
Well, I just heard
The news today
Barack Obama
Is fucking gay
His ass wide open
That is
That is
We got one
Another one Stay in it Don't bring out the whole chef That is That is Oh my god We got one We're out
We're out dude
Another one
Stay in it
Bro
Stay in it
Tell him to bring out
The whole chef
Holy shit
Oh my god
Tell him to bring out
The chef's whole
Wow
That's DJ Khaled
If anyone understood that
That's DJ Khaled
I'm tired
Yes
You know Dub
Why did that annoy me so much
When you did that?
I know you.
It was annoying.
I just block it up.
What, Dove?
He just block it up.
He gets excited.
He has to look how happy he is.
That was great.
Whole chef.
Are you smart?
On an EQ level?
EQ?
He's smart.
God damn.
IQ.
No, very smart. God damn. IQ. No. Very smart.
That's a bad start.
I got an EQ
about 120.
Andrew, explain. Very, very
smart. He is
Ashkenazi brain. He's a Sephardic, but
he is Ashkenazi brain for sure.
But he has an amazing
ability to adjust IQ to the woman
that he's talking to. That's part of his EQ. to the woman that he's talking to.
So if he's talking- That's part of his EQ, actually.
Unbelievable.
So if he's talking to a dumb girl, he can be, I mean,
completely involved in this conversation and they can be having the most fun.
He's having the most fun.
And then he can have a very sophisticated conversation with somebody and
it can be there.
It's unbelievable.
He's the smartest person in this room.
Yeah. Yeah.
I believe that. Absolutely. Maybe that's why, yeah.
That makes sense. He's single?
No, no, no.
He just seems something.
Jewish? It was either dumb or smart.
That's why I asked. It's whatever
he need me to be. Yeah. And he knows
I'll be whatever character he need me to be.
I'm telling you, it's terrifying. It is.
It's terrifying, but it's absolute.
Why you do that? I ain't do nothing. Why you do that? Why you do that?
I ain't do nothing.
Why you do that?
Why'd you say that?
No, no, no, stop it.
Did you do a reference?
But Shane likes war heroes.
Did you do a reference?
What do you mean?
I want that tap on my nose.
Itch on my nose.
Did you do that?
He said that.
I had an itch.
I had an itch.
You like Kanye?
You like Kanye?
Come on.
Kanye rules.
Come on.
Kanye rules Kanye rules
Listen, I'll say something about Kanye
I won't tell people
Cut his mic
I'm blue square all day
Blue square
We do have allies here
What's blue square?
Oh, you wouldn't know
You don't support the blue, dude?
I know a blue
Blue lies matter He's got a thin blue square on his car Stop Jewish hate. You don't support the blue, dude? I know a blue. I back the blue.
Blue lives matter.
He's got a thin blue square on his car, dude.
Yeah, blue lives matter.
Especially like in modern Palestine.
Blue lives really matter over there.
They're expensive.
They cost a lot of other lives.
Whoa, dude. I don't know enough about the conflict over there, but for real, free Palestine.
No, I don't know enough about the conflict over there, but for real, free Palestine.
Oop-da-rah, free Palestine.
What is that from?
Support all my freedom fighters, bro.
McGregor?
Dude.
He would never.
He would never.
Did McGregor say that?
No.
But you just didn't purvey to McGregor. That was how I speak.
Spot on.
Irish accent Dude
We got a little buzz going
Bro we got a nice little buzz going
And we just gotta decide where to take this buzz
Are you drinking?
Honestly he's not buzzing up
Get a ball
You're being a real fucking chef
I don't wanna do that
You're being a real fucking chef
Don't make me throw you in a fucking pond With a floatable device You're being a real fucking chef. I don't want to do that. You're being a real fucking chef. You're being a chef dude
Don't make me throw you in a fucking pond
With a floatable device attached to your leg
Don't make me drown you cause you said you were gonna
If I have a floaty, I'm good. You have a floatable device attached to your leg. Don't make us do it
Yeah, alright. Did he really? Don't make us do it. There wasn't a lot of news about it. Paddle board. Don't you bait me. Don't you bait me.
No I mean it. There wasn't a lot of news about it. You almost died with a surfboard attached to your leg. That is true. I did
Yeah, but was it in an ocean?
Yeah, it was.
That's a lot different than a fucking lake or a pond.
That's a good point.
If you drown in a pond, you're a fucking dumbass.
Actually, that's really mean.
That guy did do that.
My bad.
But also, stand up, though, right?
Stand up.
Wait, wait.
He died in a pond?
Bro, yes.
I thought it was the ocean.
No, you can't paddleboard in a fucking ocean.
There's no waves. Nothing. You certainly can. What are you talking about? That's where the ocean. No, you can't paddleboard in a fucking ocean. There's no waves, nothing.
You certainly can.
What are you talking about?
That's where you paddleboard.
No, come on.
No, everybody knows that.
You guys are being crazy.
You guys are being crazy.
Nobody paddleboards in the ocean.
Here's what I heard.
I heard his chef was writing a memoir that was like,
I'm gay and I'm going to come out and tell you guys about my love.
Did you really hear that?
100%.
I did hear that.
And then he was found in a pond.
Yes.
I'm gay. I used to blow his back out. And I used to also make him then he was found in a pond. Yes. I'm gay.
I used to blow his back out.
And I used to also make him Pop-Tarts in the morning or whatever the fuck.
Strudels.
Toaster strudels.
See?
That's what I'm saying.
That's bullshit.
You said Pop-Tarts?
Come on.
Why?
Was Pop-Tarts not a good thing?
Nah.
Nah.
Straight guys eat Pop-Tarts.
Don't even heat them up.
Yeah.
That's how straight guys eat.
Sign.
Yeah.
If you heat up your Pop-Tarts, you're a chef.
Did you go frosting on yours, dude?
Fucking right, dude.
If you go straight crust, you're a cereal killer.
The crust is crazy.
So you would do strawberry frosting?
Nah, I would never eat strawberry.
Obviously, I'm a s'more man.
I knew you were a s'more man.
I knew you were a s'more man.
Once your gas station's down, you're drunk in a Wawa.
What are you walking away with?
Wawa?
Italian hoagie.
And what about candy?
Are you trying to get-
Full toasted hoagie.
I'm not a candy guy.
Believe it or not.
I'm a meat guy.
That's the grossest shit I've ever heard.
No way.
He eats Slim Jims in his truck.
No, no, no.
You gotta go with that.
A late night snack?
Ice cream or nothing like that?
No, I don't really eat ice cream.
Ice cream, Sandoz, Toll House at the hotel?
No.
You go protein.
You're eating bologna?
You're coming back to the hotel.
It's beer and meat.
This is disgusting.
He's O-line.
You got to go protein, bro.
What is your one bougie thing?
What is your one thing that it's like?
Oh, that's a great question for you.
Yeah, I'm a little bit, I'm a little bit, like I wouldn't want people to know.
I'm a little bit.
I don't care if they know.
I have first class flights.
Have to do first class.
So you can read your Steinbeck.
I was really impressed with that.
Shut up.
We're sitting next to each other on flights.
Where are we going?
I forget.
We're both going to North Carolina or something like that.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yes.
And you were knee deep in some Steinbeck.
You just airdropped both of us pictures of a guy's ass.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then we looked over.
Then I got into some East of Eden.
I was on Obama right then.
What's the other bougie expense?
Is it like, okay, obviously the comfort of first class.
Is there anything you're like,
ugh, I didn't know that I was this guy,
and then you experience it,
and you're like, now I kind of have to be this guy?
No.
Really?
No.
Hotels you don't care,
you don't have to stay at a nice hotel?
Hotels. Okay, so we're going to find to stay at a nice hotel hotels okay so a little but no it was like i thought i was like i don't care where i stay and then i got in the
worst hotel possible and i like called my manager i was like all right can we what the fuck yeah
yeah i'm talking like the worst hotel possible yeah motel like you park in front of the fucking
yeah yeah all right so what do you demand right now? Nothing.
You have a rider?
No.
Any snack?
I can't figure you out. In my green room, I get fruit and hummus.
Hummus is good.
Solid.
And Bud Light and white clothes.
Solid.
But that was just my manager came up with that.
I cannot figure it out.
That's a rider.
I can't figure you out.
Why?
That is a rider, but he said he didn't come up with it.
I didn't do that.
She just did it.
She knows.
But it's a nice luxury.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nah, but it's like.
What else?
You want steak dinners and shit.
Well, I want chicken and steak because I don't want to just eat fucking.
I don't want to eat pizza.
Yeah.
You see the difference between hummus and white coals?
What do we start with?
We have a fucking hummus platter that's there all the time.
No, you start with that.
His whole rider is just hummus and white coals.
So there's a difference.
What are you ordering for dinner?
That's what I'm saying.
It's like, that shit is crazy.
What's going on here?
What's up?
Nothing.
There's got to be one.
You've got some money.
There's got to be a thing.
He's embarrassed to be remotely demanding.
I would never be demanding. See? Out of shame.
Ever. Now,
hopefully I get there.
The perception of bougie is worse than the perception of gay.
Oh, that's interesting.
I have one pair of pants.
These shoes stink. I've been wearing them for
three months. That's a three-month
white sneaker? Yeah.
Oh, hell yeah, dude.
Did you clean them before you came on? I cleaned them when I did the Chappelle show,
and I knew all the black people were going to criticize them.
So dirty.
Respect, respect, respect.
Did you talk to Travis Scott?
I did not talk to Travis Scott.
I stood right next to him before he went on stage.
Most famous person you were next to that you didn't talk to?
Travis Scott.
Got to be right.
Number two.
Or that you wish you did and you just didn't have anything to say?
Larry David and Will Ferrell.
Wait, wait, wait.
When Will Ferrell hosted SNL, I went.
And?
You were getting kicked out.
No, it was funny.
It was the year I got kicked out.
And Lorne invited me to go.
And I was just in his office.
And when I got there, everybody that worked there was like, hey, what are you doing here?
I was like, Lorne invited me.
They're like, oh, cool.
And then at the end, everybody sits in the office and waits.
And then he comes out.
Or his people come out. And they're talk or lauren wants to talk to you
and it's like sick he got me in front of everybody i was like so you go in but they were all in there
like larry dave and all those guys were in there how many people in the room there probably 20
okay so there's 20 so it's not awkward i was like standing next to them
any mention did you were you listening were you like included in the conversation Okay, so there's 20. So it's not awkward if you don't talk to him. I was like standing next to him. Any mention?
Were you listening?
Were you like included in the conversation?
No, it was brief.
Okay.
Yeah.
Larry David's probably the one.
And then Will?
Yeah.
He would have been cool to talk to.
Yeah.
He's the best.
Because you heard that story with McBride and Will, right?
No.
How McBride got flipped this way, mate?
No.
What?
Have you seen Flipped This Way?
Yes.
You haven't heard this one?
I saw it when it came.
I rented a blockbuster on WIMS.
I'd never even heard of it.
Dude, first of all, one of the funniest fucking movies ever.
So, do you know who Danny McBride is, obviously?
He's bounding down.
Kenny Powers.
Kenny Powers.
The guy with the mullet.
You got to be fucking kidding me, dude.
Pull up a picture.
You'll know who he is.
You don't know Danny McBride?
He's in Tropic Thunder.
You seen Tropic Thunder?
Do you? Keep going.
I hate you.
Kenny Powers?
I'm telling you there's two different worlds.
No.
I'm black. I don't know the best comedy.
Oh, okay.
You watch New 24 movies.
You watch Neon movies.
But I don't know their names.
Okay, fair enough.
Just the white guy with the mullet.
Say that, and I would have got it immediately.
Is Kenny and who else? What's the other guy?
That's exactly what I said. Literally what I said.
Verbatim what I said.
It's Kenny Powers and the guy who
he produces with is
Adam McKay. So they make Foot Fist Way, right?
I think, so the story goes. You should ask
Kenny. Oh, Adam McKay was with Will Ferrell.
They made it.
Oh, so then Adam is with Will.
Yeah.
So apparently they sent a cassette tape to Will Ferrell's production company or whatever.
And they said, do not watch.
They watch.
And then they end up.
Damn.
That's cool.
Awesome.
And anybody who hasn't watched it, I would not be surprised if this shit is on YouTube.
It is so fucking funny.
For the first time.
It is so fucking funny.
Yeah.
Wait up, what?
It's basically like a precursor to Kenny.
Yeah.
Like you can see it's going to be Kenny Powers.
All the attributes of Kenny.
He plays like a local karate instructor in like rural Indiana or something like that.
He fights, no, North Carolina, I think, right?
Fair.
And he fights Chuck the Truck.
Yeah.
Who's his hero?
His best friend.
You're my hero, best friend.
Dude, when they go to the hotel party and that guy's just strumming a guitar, bothering that kid.
He's like, you're just a little jerk.
A little.
The pants that he's wearing.
Yeah, yeah.
Anyway, this is like Kenny, this is Danny McBride before you get to see Danny McBride.
Yeah.
And like.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Yeah.
You've never seen Eastbound and Down?
Eastbound and Down wasn't as big as.
I saw that.
I never saw Foot Fist Way.
I saw Eastbound and Down.
No, no.
Foot Fist Way is like super niche.
Yeah.
But Eastbound and Down is big, but.
You gotta see Eastbound and Down.
Eastbound.
It's literally the best.
No, it's so good. It's the the best. No, it's so good.
It's the best comedy.
I think it's the best.
It's so good.
It was so dark.
At a certain point,
I was like,
I can't keep doing this.
But it's so funny, dude.
So, all right.
Seinfeld, Curb,
where do you put it?
I put Eastbound down number one.
What?
I don't put it over Curb.
Curb's pretty incredible.
Curb's incredible.
Eastbound and Down,
what I would say is like,
it is so unique.
Yeah.
You just haven't seen.
I think up until that point in time, when I saw Fit for This Way, I was like, I haven't seen a comedy like this.
And this is just really odd.
And I keep watching it.
And it's hilarious and endearing.
But the guy's also a scumbag.
So he's this.
He's always an anti-hero.
Yeah.
It's like he's perfect.
Yeah.
He says the most audacious shit the whole time.
And you're still like, damn, I hope he does well.
And he's funny.
I'm cheering for that guy.
He's funny without trying to be funny.
He curses funny.
The way he describes things is funny.
The way that he is emotionally connected to people is funny.
Calling someone, you're my hero best friend.
Like dead serious saying that to a guy that he's met once in his life.
And he's like a karate friend.
Bro, how do you even pitch a show like that?
Oh, that's great.
Yeah.
It's fantastic.
Is it still on?
I think you could probably watch it on HBO.
Yeah.
HBO Max.
Oh, Eastbound Downers.
I mean, the fact that you're just finding out about Eastbound Downers.
I'm telling you, it's like there are multiple worlds.
Bro.
Not everything's black and white, brother.
No. Plus, you know a lot
of white shit. I can
name a bunch of black shit that you've
named one. You're wearing a fucking
Metallica Kiss sweatshirt right now.
With painted nails.
And a fucking
gold hat.
Shut the fuck up, Al. Half the shit that a fucking golf hat and a fucking golf hat.
Shut the fuck up,
Al.
Half the shit that I'm wearing,
I don't even know.
That is literally
a white collage.
I don't like the
Guns N' Roses
kids.
The Misfits.
Don't even know.
Don't even know.
I looked at it
and was like,
oh,
that shit's fire.
Dude,
you're appropriating.
He's wearing
a 1906 golf club.
You guys weren't
even allowed in.
I don't like you saying different worlds.
You went to fucking high school in Manhattan.
You went all over the country with this guy on the road.
Don't do it, motherfucker.
Don't do it.
What?
I don't know.
Make good points.
That's what he's saying.
Name black culture that Shane doesn't know.
You got your nails painted talking about some shit don't hit us.
Stop it. No, there's super black culture that you guys haven know. You got your nails painted talking about some shit don't hit us. Stop it. Nah, there's
super black culture that you guys haven't
adapted to yet.
Drake painted his nails a few weeks ago.
Yeah, there we go. It's like,
you haven't adapted to it yet. You will all
have your nails painted. White guys
have painted their nails for years. Y'all got that from white people.
You black people are just entering their fucking
emo phase. We've been there, bro.
We pioneered being gay.
Any gay shit y'all do, y'all got from us.
But it all circles back around and then you guys are going to start doing it again.
You know how good shit got to be for black people for them to get angsty?
This is a new thing.
This is like an equality thing.
Y'all just got the ability to have angst.
Your baseline needs are finally getting met and you're like, well, I'm still not happy.
White people have been on that, bro.
Yeah, I have everything I need and I'm not happy as angst.
Whoa.
You got your nails painted.
You look like an angst.
I love Schultz epiphanies.
What are you talking about?
Schultz epiphanies are my favorite.
He repeats his statement.
He's like, that's crazy, though.
It's true.
It's Schultz epiphany
That shit is making you
That gags you though
So good dude
I know when he quotes you
I did it yo
I did it
It's true
We were out to lunch
And I was complimenting him
I was telling him
He's the only guy I know
That he wants to hear about you
He's in
Like if you get drunk
And sit down and start talking
He's like
What's going on with you?
I sit there
I'm like
I'm fucking
It's just me The whole time That's funny we're in uh yeah we're yeah i won't share
part of but we were we were we were just talking and you were like telling me about everything's
going on in your life and all these things and then at one point you just stop you go
all right that's enough that's enough what's going on here I don't know anything about you
how's your family
how's your mom
how's your dad
how's everything
yeah
he said
alright that's enough
well I realized
maybe I'm like
yeah my sister
is addicted to drugs
wait a second
I don't know
one
I'm showing him
family pictures
I'm showing pictures
of my family
I was like
those are my nieces and nephews it feels like he stopped calling him over why does he keep asking. I'm showing him family pictures. I'm showing pictures of my family. I was like, those are my nieces and nephews.
It feels like you stopped calling him over.
Yeah.
I'm like, wait, wait.
No, I'm just curious.
I know, but it's so abnormal for people to care that much.
I guess they can call it with comedians.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, with anybody.
With anybody.
Most humans.
We just want our turn to talk.
That's a human thing.
And I said to you, I think there's probably a selfish intent there.
In the worst case, it's just like, hey, you have some information that I'm interested in, and I want to learn about it.
And sometimes it's about maybe some history thing that I'm interested in.
That's crazy.
What is that?
Nobody's like that.
Nah.
Nobody's like what?
Like wanting to learn?
Yeah.
About other people i think
with but also this is my dad the way that my dad interacted with people and i'm just like
literally mirroring him is like anybody he was talking to there was something interesting and
he was like okay what i'm gonna get to that interesting thing i'm curious about it so i
it's a good quality yeah you can all learn from it. Anybody you're talking to has something interesting.
Whoa.
That's it.
That's done.
Bro, think about that.
Think about that. It is true.
Think of the whole crazy thing.
Bro, think of how crazy that is.
It is true.
Everybody has a story.
Hands like this.
Fingers like this.
No, it is true, though.
Story, dude. It is true. Yo, yo. Yeah, fingers like this. No, it is true, though. Story, dude.
It is true.
Yo, yo.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm wrapping my mind around this idea.
It's so embarrassing.
No, it's not.
I'll never be interested in anyone again.
That's how I feel, dude.
I told you guys about getting my nipples sucked.
You guys all bailed on it, dude.
None of you.
I know you guys did.
You got a rim job.
This is so gay.
I got my nipples sucked while I was fucking.
Dude, I just blew rim job. I got my nipple sucked while I was fucking. Dude, I just blew my mind.
I was like, holy shit.
Does black angst mean equality has been achieved?
Yeah, of course it does.
No.
Absolutely.
No, equality hasn't been achieved.
Don't fucking back up from it.
That's fucking crazy.
No, but I mean, we're getting closer.
You're a lot closer.
Yeah, we're getting closer, but it's not.
And also you can see.
What a great observation. You can see it in red. Oh, yes. We realized that. What a lot closer. You're a lot closer. Yeah, we're getting closer, but it's not. And also you can see- What a great observation.
You can see it in red.
Oh, yes, we-
What a great observation.
We realize that.
To deal with the frustration of having what you need and still being upset, that's angst.
But that's such a small portion of the bi community.
Shut up, yo.
I hate you being drunk And trying to be thoughtful
Obama right now
I hate it
Since it's coming out
Mad slow
Yo, I'm sorry
I got said some mind-blowing shit
And y'all didn't listen
Y'all were listening
And you were interested
You would have had a
Self-deprecating
That's all it takes
That was fucking beautiful
Right there
Are we on ecstasy?
That's what ecstasy feels like
Nah, that's just Bud Light, brother
That's all you need
Now you're gonna be sad as fuck tomorrow, though
Yeah, let me get another one
I'm sorry, I'm sorry
I'm good, I've been drinking a lot
Yeah, what else can we learn?
We have to piss again
Because you know what it is No, what else can we learn? We have to piss again Because you know what it is
No, what is?
You know what it is
I was upset because he's just not interesting
I never ask questions about him
I think you're interesting
Thank you
You got all types of shit on
What do you want to know?
You do too
What's going on here?
That's my boy, he sent me this shirt today
Heavy slime out of Philly
Jalen Hurts
As a robot
What does it say on your shirt?
Don't read it
I don't know
Our job is to secure the white race
I don't know why you lose But but it's something I could never.
No faith in what we make.
Yeah, it's just he makes cool eagles.
Yeah.
Eagle shirts.
Okay.
I'm going to look fake.
So to show you like Zion.
Hold on.
I literally just ripped it out.
I ripped it out of a package and put it on.
I don't even know what's on his shirt.
I don't have clothes.
They pointed this shit out.
Who cares about the clothes? No, it pointed this shit out who cares about the clothes
It's a misfit who cares about the clothes. I could use some clothing. Okay, we'll work on the clothes
Okay, look I know I know what it was
The importance of alcohol. The importance of alcohol. See this is like a fucking sick call. It's that bad.
I like this drunk.
Wow.
Anytime I wanna play and I take these things off.
Okay, you drink alcohol.
No, the importance of alcohol.
And you see things for what it is.
No, we had this conversation.
It was either me or you or I forget, but I think we had it on the pod. The cultures that abuse alcohol
are the ones that have no emotional reactions during the regular day.
The stiff upper lip, like you look at British people, right? It's just like,
I'm not gonna react. And then you abuse the alcohol because you're like, finally,
I get to connect. I get to tell people how much I love them. I get to tell people how
interesting they are. I get to have my fucking, like, look at all the American fucking writers or poets.
They're all drunks or on heroin.
You still look at the Irish, the same thing.
And it's just like the one time I'm allowed to feel something, here it all flows out.
And then I think it was maybe you were talking about the podcast.
You're like, Latinos are not abusing alcohol because they're feeling on 10 emotions all the time.
They're loving their fucking kids.
They're going crazy.
I think Latinos are abusing the fuck out of alcohol.
Not like Russians or British people do it,
where it's like, there's a time.
There's a time to do such a thing.
And so I do think that there's a value to alcohol,
because if you are going to have a stiff upper lip about life,
and you're just going to be like,
oh, stop being a little bitch about things.
Like, you know, our biggest issue.
I love it. What, what, what, what? No, I'm not. No, I'm not. Like, you know, our biggest issue. I love it.
What, what, what, what?
No, I'm not.
He's like chuckling right now.
He's laughing.
I didn't like that.
No, I'm willing to joke.
I've never seen you.
I thought they were laughing at me and I was trying to make a good point.
Oh, you're laughing at me.
Yeah, yeah.
I've never seen that side of you.
No, for real.
So what I thought was, I think is cool about alcohol, we shit on alcohol all the time,
but I think the cool thing is, is is yeah, be a fucking man about life.
Have a step up or lip about life.
Don't bitch about every fucking problem and then get shitty on the weekend and then bitch
about everything.
Talk about how fucking annoyed you are about the Jets.
Talk about how annoyed you are about your wife.
Talk about annoyed you and then tell your friends how much you love them.
And then Monday comes around and fucking toughen up again.
It's a good deal. The Russians, bro.
The Russians get it. I think the British-
Ride a ballet on the weekend and be your wife during the week.
But who's gayer than the Russians, but who's also more stiffer up a lip than the Russians?
The Russians have the fucking, what is it, Dostoevsky or whatever?
Yeah. Just straight emotion
about how much he loves. I've never seen a Russian love anything.
Yeah. Right? So it's like, it's there,
you just need the alcohol to it i think alcohol is good
alcohol rules it does rule yeah you don't gotta commit why don't you just get in touch with your
emotions well that's gay well that's gay he's right don't be emotional all the time yeah just
have little portions of the week so fun so emotional listen it's amazing it's awesome
there's so much love there 100 100%. Crying about everything.
You talked about that.
Latinos on 10.
Yeah.
All the fucking time.
We are.
But they'll never conquer anything.
Probably not.
Which is maybe a good thing.
Really?
What?
No socials?
Them Spaniards conquered. No, bro.
Them Spaniards conquered.
And then they got like, you know.
Them Spaniards conquered. Yeah, but got like, you know. Them Spaniards conquered.
Yeah, but they started to like, like mix up.
You see what I'm saying, right?
They still want acid.
It's crazy.
I was really, I was struggling right now.
I was struggling right now.
You want acid?
I was struggling right now.
He got enough hard time awards when he's sober.
What were you drinking?
This Bud Light has got you.
Were you drinking Bud Light?
No, I was doing that.
Get some water. Oh, you were drinking liquor. Get some water. He doesn't make some water. What were you drinking?
But they started mix and then Not any fucking opinions or emotions or feelings now. That's his part.
What's your thought here?
No, I just think that Spanger's mixed with a lot of people.
Shut up.
Fuck you, Shane.
No, all right.
This time I'm serious.
No, don't do it.
I'm not going to try it.
Three times.
We can't get fooled again.
I'm not going to try it.
So alcohol, good.
Yeah. For some. Drugs. So alcohol good. Oh, yeah.
For some.
Drugs.
Also fucking awesome.
Awesome?
Awesome, but...
Higher cost.
Too indulgent.
Alcohol is the perfect level of drug
where you can kind of compartmentalize it.
I can't even talk.
Compartmentalize it.
What kind of drugs are you talking about?
Because weed is better than alcohol.
I'm talking about coke and heroin
and you're doing these things all the fucking time.
Yeah, you're going to have those feelings.
You're going to have that release that you need, but you won't be able to operate in normal life.
Maybe coke, you can do it a little bit.
But like you see people who will do it as like a weekend drug.
What was that lab?
It's just coke.
You're trying to have like a regular life and doing coke.
You can't.
Wild.
You can't.
You're psychotic.
So it's like we shit all over alcohol, but it is the perfect drug.
Yeah, but they burn out.
That's like a harsh.
If you're doing a ton of coke, that's a harsh burnout.
No, we're talking about like.
You can rocket fuel.
That's hitting the NOS and fucking.
Yeah, but finance bros, you think the ones at the top top don't fuck with the.
Not the top top.
Probably not as much.
On the way up, maybe.
They're probably doing like Adderall and
Just in Federer. Yeah. Yeah, I
Don't know so just there's also doing drugs
I think this is gonna sound weird, but like I think drugs are almost like a necessary component
To dealing with life in the way we have to live it
You know me I mean?
Like, I don't think you need to do drugs if you're fucking in Alaska.
Yeah.
Yo.
Oh, my God.
You need drugs.
Go ahead, buddy.
If you're like a canner in Alaska, you probably don't need heroin.
I hope you're on the wide for that.
That was hilarious.
Drugs are a necessary component.
That was hilarious.
I hate how this has turned on me. I hate how this has turned on me.
I hate how this has turned on me.
You know what?
I love that it didn't turn on me.
How have I let this happen?
I love that it turned on me.
How have I let this happen?
I love that turn.
How did you think it wasn't going to turn on me?
How did I let this happen?
You've been mean to every single person here.
Everyone.
I thought I was kind.
No, you weren't.
You are kind of cute.
You are kind of cute.
I thought I was all these good things, but it turns out I'm a big old bully.
Yeah, that's a tough realization.
Get your hand off of my forearm.
Yeah.
Tough realization.
No, it is.
Yes, it is.
I got this again. It's that kind of thing. Keep going. No, it is. Yes, it is. I got to piss again.
It is that kind of shit.
Keep going.
No, it is.
Keep going.
It is.
You heading out, Shane?
No, I got to piss.
All right.
We'll see you later, buddy.
See you later.
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Okay, so listen.
Shane has his sunglasses on,
which makes me feel that all the work we did to get to our true inner selves is gone.
We got close.
I feel like you're blocking off now.
I want to hear about Akash.
He's been quiet.
What do you want to know?
We got drunk and he's...
What do you want to know?
I'm taking it all in, dude.
Well, I don't think he approves of it. Well, now you're thinking about you. What do you want to know? We got drunk and he's... What do you want to know? I'm taking it all in, dude. Well, I don't think he approves of it.
Well, now you're thinking about you.
What do you want to know about Akash?
Oh, no, no.
I was just...
He was...
This is how you be interested in other people.
Yeah.
We're going to teach you how to be interested in others.
Okay.
I want to hear about Akash.
What do you want to hear?
How he thinks about me.
Where are you?
All right.
That was funny.
That was funny. Funny guy. Funny guy. that was funny.
Funny guy, funny guy.
That was funny.
Okay, but listen,
we did all this work to reduce our boundaries,
and I feel like now
you put the Ray-Bans on.
I thought the boundaries
were low when we got here.
I was excited.
No, but we made progress.
We had so much fun.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But then we got into
a nice little drunken stupor,
and that was really...
That's the best.
We're still in it. But now your glasses, I nice little drunken stupor and I was really- That's the best. But now your glasses are on.
I don't like the glasses.
The glasses make me feel uncomfortable.
It makes me feel uncomfortable.
Really?
Yeah, because I can't see your eyes.
I like it.
I mean that.
Okay.
He puts them higher.
Closer.
Yeah, I feel like I can't connect now.
We can.
If I hear you start making a point.
That way he can see you, but you can still have the shades on.
No, I'll look insane.
No, no.
Let me see this.
No, I think that's worse.
Let me see this.
No, that's fine.
That's fine.
Because now you still bear the responsibility.
This is what happens.
I mean, you look special.
Like, stop it.
Shane, stop it.
Shane, stop it.
No, I can't wear cool stuff.
Dude, you look sick with those. All right, stop it. No, I can't wear cool stuff. Dude, you look sick
with those.
Alright, Tom Cruise. Akash, what's going on in your
life, brother? What a horrible question that is.
What's going on in your life?
I want to hear what's going on.
Stop, stop, stop.
We're going to teach him how to be a person.
What are you genuinely interested in,
Akash, and what is your genuine
curiosity? Okay.
I asked him briefly.
I was like, how's the road going?
What's going on with the new material?
Road is going great.
Special just filmed.
We almost used the same intro.
Yeah, what is that?
What was that?
I was going to use I'm in Houston.
It made sense for you.
So there was a song called Tops Drops.
It's like a H-Town anthem.
And I was thinking about using it.
I decided the last second to go with something else.
That Mexican OT shouts.
Yeah.
And then I heard his special and he had tops and drops,
which made no sense that you had it cause you filmed it in DC and it's an
H-Town anthem, but I was excited to hear it.
Tops and drops is one of those songs that's it's fun,
but it's not actually like cool. You know what I mean?
Well, it's a fun, no, I think it's cool obviously, but I'm saying it's like,
it's a fun, no, I think it's cool, obviously, but I'm saying it's like,
it's a fun rap song.
Yeah,
yeah, yeah.
It's tough to pick an intro song
for a special
without taking yourself
too seriously.
Yeah.
Something like that,
I think works.
Like,
Three Six Mafia,
that's a fun,
Slap On My Knob would be hilarious.
Yeah,
I hate the sunglasses.
I just can't see.
We might as well be on Zoom.
Keep them on,
keep them on. I'm keeping him on, dude.
If I take him off now, he wins.
Okay.
Not exactly.
Come on.
Oh, fuck.
That's right.
It's a competition thing.
It's not that.
I really genuinely just feel like I can connect to him.
No, it is a competition thing.
You're the one trying to take my glasses off me.
Can we reframe it?
You hate that we're focusing on our cost right now.
Can we reframe it?
No, no, no.
It's not about you for a second.
Oh, God.
Okay.
Anyway.
So, more questions. That. Anyway, so more questions.
That was good.
Some more questions.
That was good.
Some more questions about Akash.
It was good.
It was good.
You really got under the skin.
I know.
The under the skin, no.
But it was a good definition.
No way.
No way.
No way.
I admit it.
If it's good, it's good.
The epiphany was great.
That's one of those.
That was like a deflection so you don't have to ask Akash more questions you don't care
about.
I do care.
You ask him questions like, what care about. I do care.
What about your song? I'll tell you about mine.
He said,
why did you pick that? I answered.
You're so good.
This is how you have an interest in people.
But yeah, the road's going good for you.
Damn.
I'm going to jump back in.
Talk to a human being?
I was thinking about something else. The worst is when someone calls you sensitive You're so sensitive. Yes. Yes. No, I'm not. Yes. I am. Yes. I am sense. I am sensitive
Yeah, like I was sensitive when I thought they were laughing at me and you pointed that out
He was giving a speech they were laughing at me. And you guys pointed, you pointed that out. And I was sensitive. I never saw that. I was like, oh man,
I thought we were having a serious moment.
He was giving a speech.
He's like,
what are you guys laughing at me?
Yeah,
I was being serious.
I thought we were
all doing this together.
Do you think that ever
happened during like
a war speech?
Yeah.
Alexander.
We're going in,
boys.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
I'm not going to get
any more, dude.
And someone just goes, ha!
Gay!
One of those Irish guys.
Bothered him because he was gay, probably.
Corby's not gay. They did not all preach to gays, especially back then.
No, I'm saying Alexander.
Alexander, gay.
Might be questionable.
Not gay.
There's not one reference of him being gay.
Oh, now you trust history.
Now you fucking trust history. Now you trust history. The whole Oliver one reference of him being gay. Oh, now you trust history. Now you fucking trust history.
Now you trust history. The whole Oliver Stone movie
was him fucking dudes.
And then I looked it up.
All of it? Yeah, I mean, that was like
Do you think Oliver Stone knows history?
Because I'm curious to know your thoughts
on JFK and the assassination.
I love Oliver Stone on JFK.
Wait, what did he say on JFK? He made the movie
that basically, like, really popularized the conspiracy theories.
The Kevin Costner one?
Yeah.
Up and to the right.
Yeah.
Wait, but what's the...
Back in the West.
That movie heavily implies that there was a conspiracy to kill Kennedy.
It's close.
Other angle.
It's mirrored.
Exactly.
Reverse.
It was like a much more underground thing before this.
What's the idea?
That the guy up there, Lee Harvey Oswald, didn't shoot him from the window?
Yeah.
There was also some other people taking shots.
So he did fire,
but other people also fired.
The shots hit him in the front,
according to
a documentary I watched. But Lee shot,
right? While falling asleep, yeah.
Lee shot, right? So at that point,
what does it matter?
I think the CIA killed JFK. there was another guy trying because he didn't want no I don't think Lee Harvey Oswald was a patsy of course he's a patsy he was a CIA boy himself they got a hold
of him early do you subscribe that uh Manson was a CIA boy I I mean, he was MKUltra. You believe that 100%?
I think that's true.
And his dad was CIA?
It was an LSD program CIA was doing.
They were just like, hey, let's see what happens if we can, can we use LSD to have mind control over people?
And it ended up resulting in a lot of people losing their fucking minds and being like violent psychos.
Like Charles Manson.
Whitey Bulger was one.
Did they fucking MKUltra Whitey Bulger? He was they stay fucking he was in alcatraz wow now i knew he was an informant but i didn't know that he was mk ultra he was mk ultra
is that i mean that's a pretty convenient line of thinking if you're like a mob guy that wants
to believe that whitey's real oh he wouldn't have snitched but the mk ultra no i don't i think they
all snitch i think every single mob guy
snitches. They're all little
rats. I mean, if you get into
the job of committing crimes
for money, I don't think you have
the most moral backbone.
And then when you're looking at 25 years...
Yeah, you go, eh, fuck all that.
But that started in the 70s, right? The mafia started
in the US in the 20s, and then for 50
years they couldn't crack it because nobody would roll over.
No, I mean, they would just pay whoever was in charge. It was a lot easier back then, I think.
What do you mean they would pay?
You could buy people off, I think, a lot easier in the 20s.
You mean the government?
Yeah.
Or the prosecutors?
Yeah.
Okay, so then who ends up killing JFK?
Have you heard Woody Harrelson's dad?
Oh, dad, that one's crazy.
Yeah, what is that?
This is crazy.
I don't really know the full details, but now there's pictures of Woody Harrelson and
RFK hanging out together.
And it's like, oh, his dad killed his uncle.
It's like, what is going on?
Because Woody Harrelson's dad worked for the CIA.
Yeah.
And they're saying that it was Woody Harrelson's dad that kills JFK, or is involved in the
plot, or actually pulls the trigger. But the thing is, so many people are there. We only heard one shot. Woody Harrelson's dad that kills JFK? Or is involved in the plot?
Or actually pulls the trigger?
But the thing is,
so many people are there,
we only heard one shot.
No, that's not true.
There's literally interviews of people being like,
I heard a shot from right there.
Like literally.
But they're saying they heard one.
No, no, no.
There were multiple shots.
Oh, I hear everyone saying,
oh, I heard a shot.
Some people say I heard it from here.
He got shot multiple times.
He got one in the neck, one in the head.
One went through him and bounced around the car.
The guy was pinpoint accuracy.
One of them missed the car entirely and hit the curb.
But wouldn't that be like a good, it would sound like machine guns.
One shot coming from here.
I think it was three.
Also, if it's CIA, why would one guy be not accurate?
Would they be like, hey, let's get our worst marksman to kill the president?
I think if three guys are shooting, one missed.
Oh, you have, whoa, I didn't know three guys.
That's what I'm saying.
Multiple shooters.
So you have two assassins that are CIA, and then you have one Patsy.
And the Patsy, you blame it on, and then these guys get the job done.
The only reason you have those two guys there
is if you don't believe in this guy's ability to shoot him.
Because if you believe that he can shoot him,
why do you even have...
I guess my thing is, if you've convinced Lee Harvey Oswald
to shoot, and he is going to shoot,
and he pulls the trigger, and a bullet comes out,
whether or not he's the one that kills them or somebody
else.
I think you just want to make sure you get it done.
Because if you miss, this is your one shot.
So then-
The second and third shot hit JFK.
Okay, we've all heard-
But then Lee asked-
Have we heard gunshots before?
Yeah.
You hear where it comes from.
So if there's one coming from here, one coming from there, one coming from there.
It's like, but you would notice people said that.
Now you're saying this and that's actually what happened.
And so there are people.
And there are literally interviews with people that were like, we heard gunshots from right there.
It's called the magic bullet, right?
That's all.
Well, the magic bullet.
No, not that one.
Magic bullet's how the Warren Commission explained how it went through his back and bounced around and hit Senator Connolly or Governor Connolly, whoever.
They have to make two bullets out of one bullet.
Yeah.
And the bullet was totally unscathed.
It was totally-
So there's people-
Somehow bounced off bones and didn't-
There's people saying that they've heard gunshots from different places.
From that-
Yeah.
Look, some Fugazi shit went down.
They ran to the grassy knoll to try to find the shooter immediately. Wow. And nobody found- People started running towards it. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Look, some Fugazi shit went down. People ran to the Grassy Knoll to try to find the shooter immediately.
Wow.
People started running towards it.
Wow.
Yeah.
So apparently Woody Harrelson's dad was a contract killer.
I figured it out.
Oh, yeah, that's it.
He was a contract killer.
He got convicted of killing John H. Wood, was a judge.
And then basically while they were trying to arrest him, he told him he was like, in a standoff, he was like, yo, I killed Kennedy.
And they kind of fueled the rumor.
And then they kind of backed off of it
and he only got convicted of killing the one dude.
Was he mafia? Yeah, apparently.
He was an organized crime figure.
Harrelson is what, like Norwegian or something?
Yeah, but they probably could have outsourced just the
contract killing. You're not in the mafia.
You're not Italian, but we can outsource killing.
Yeah, but back in the day, mafia is like, you've got to be Sicilian.
This is 19, what?
60-something.
70-something? 68?
Where was he living?
Yeah. Where was he doing all this?
Love Lady, Texas.
Yeah, but you could
do business with the Mafia without being
Mafia. Seems weird. Who was the
Jewish mobster that was
a bad mobster? Dutch Sch fucking dutch schultz no it's down
he worked with the mafia very closely but they would never let him be mafia good with numbers
to be made men you gotta be uh you gotta be italian but even that is like the mafia they
started splitting it where they were like oh you can be half you have to be your father's side
italian but no initially not even italian sicilian specifically yeah you couldn't be any
they kind of used up on that. But you could still
do work for them without being
in the mafia. That's what I think they would do with them.
I do the same thing with my hands every time I get mic'd.
Ugh.
John Zawin's mic'd me.
Just a cat.
Yeah, you can do whatever you want with me.
Nice.
Yeah, JFK got killed by the CIA, bro.
100 P. You think we went to the moon be honest i do that that time why why cia why cia yeah because kennedy after the bay of pigs was going to disband
the cia and then he didn't want to go to vietnam a lot of people were gonna make a lot of money
and he literally said i'm gonna disband the CIA. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But couldn't they just like, hey, next election, he's out.
That's one argument.
But then he got his head blown off on a parade.
Theoretically, you send a message to anybody else who might want to get rid of the CIA, you're not going to get rid of the CIA. Ask yourself this. It's like, do you think the course of America is decided every four years? Or do you think that there's another force out there that's making the decisions that's
going to protect American interests for the next hundred years?
And if the CIA is the decision maker there, then they're going to make sure that nothing
gets in their way. Now, is the CIA working for these billion dollar corporations as well?
Possibly. Okay, so then if they're willing to
go to those levels of taking out a president, then are they just top dog? Yeah. Yeah.
Without a doubt. Also CIA is they.
Yeah, the intelligence, yeah. CIA, I think they is CIA, Nancy Pelosi.
Why Nancy? Why do you put Nancy?
Legacy politicians.
You put Nancy in, they?
McConnell?
Yeah, Mitch was probably part of it.
Now they're getting him out of there.
The legacy politicians, the ones that don't have the term limits.
I also don't think it's this secret cabal that gets together.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, dude, that word.
It's not.
That word.
But I don't think it's like they gather at a table.
No, they all have the same interest.
Here's what we're doing.
I think it's just like this is a machine.
They're just a part of it.
It's not like that's the thing that with conspiracy theories, it gets confused that I do it myself where I'm like, they didn't like sit down and like, here's, I don't know.
I don't know.
Does that make sense?
But there's not as
interconnected as you think.
But they all have the same interests.
Even when people sit at a table, there's always
a top. So who's the top?
The top depends on
what decision needs to be made.
For example, let's say there's a...
Back then it was Dulles.
Wait, the Dulles agreement?
Yeah, Dulles Airport. That guy.
He was the head of the CIA. The Dulles brothers Like the Dulles Agreement? Yeah, Dulles Airport. That guy. He was the head of the CIA.
The Dulles brothers were like some of the worst bros of all time.
And now who would you say is top?
I have no idea.
Well, who's the head of the CIA?
The fact that you don't even know or we don't even know is quite interesting to me.
Hopefully Trump comes back and saves us.
But there's the great argument, right?
Where it's like, anybody the CIA hated, you could make the argument, might be doing the quote unquote right thing.
So if the CIA takes out JFK, it's like, well, what was he trying to do?
Take out the Shah of Iran.
Take out Jaime Roldos in Ecuador.
Take out Omar Torrijos. Oh, keep going. Come on, bro. No, keep going. You form a little fruit company and take out Jaime Roldos in Ecuador, take out Omar Torrijos.
Oh, keep going.
Come on, bro.
No, keep going.
You form a little fruit company and take out all the people.
That was with Dulles.
That's what I'm saying.
Mark Dulles.
Dulles was a lawyer.
Get that guy.
And on behalf of corporate interests.
Yes.
That's how he, those are all those banana republics, all that fruit company.
So you have a fruit company in Costa Rica.
Yeah. And you need to make sure you get your bananas. So you have a fruit company in Costa Rica. Yeah.
And you need to make sure you get your bananas.
And all of a sudden that country goes, hey, these are our resources.
We want our bananas.
We're not going to, you guys don't own these resources.
This is our country's resource.
Then all of a sudden the CIA sends the boys down there and lets you know that it's not your resources.
And they go, hey, there's an election coming up.
Here's the new guy.
He's going to win.
And if your guy wins, we're going to support some
rebels that are going to execute him.
Buy up the printing press, buy up the news,
push some story. Which is, you know,
how we're doing this.
If we were in Costa Rica, we wouldn't be doing this.
We'd be out fucking picking bananas for the Dulles
brothers.
So the same thing probably happens with oil. Same thing
happens with precious minerals.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, obviously.
We went to Afghanistan and Iraq.
Yeah.
But they had weapons of, I guess, a son of a bitch.
They didn't.
Damn it.
We got punked, dude.
Where's Ashton?
Fuck, dude.
We thought there was WMDs the whole time.
Damn it.
So that's the question.
Who's in charge?
Maybe.
So here's the real question is, do you want someone to be in charge?
I don't even think anyone's in charge. I think it's just a do you want somebody to plot the course of America?
I think it's easy to like we do this thing where we sit here and we like we bitch and complain and
And we go these are the bad guys and they're awful and there's these conspiracies and this at the other but at the same time we
Like love most of the shit that we get to indulge in because of all that.
So not directly because of it, but partially because of it.
Yeah, gay chef.
Exactly.
So it's like, there's part of me, if I'm them,
I go, okay, y'all want to run it?
Do you want to run it every four years?
Yeah.
Like, do you want every four years a new guy to come in
and make all the new decisions?
Or do you want someone else to plot the course
of America? I don't know. I think we're drinking. For the record, none of us think we're right.
That's a problem. You guys are scared.
Yeah, you have a couple of drinks and everybody that comes.
We didn't say we're right. We just said, what do we want? We're having fun.
We're having fun. No, I want i want biden to make i never see you
guys pull back i want biden to make i like biden making some decisions this is the thing about
conspiracy theories though like you said anybody who gets killed you could be like oh this here i
didn't like them yes yeah it's very convenient that is that is the hard part but yeah google
see if see who hinkley had dinner with before he shot right here's the one thing though is you keep
treating google like it's an absolute fact.
Yeah, but—
No, I know, but there's interesting things where you're like, wait, that retarded guy, Hinckley, had dinner with, like, the Bushes?
Don't even—
Don't do this Hinkley connection, because you know where Hinckley connects the Obamas and the Bushes.
Where?
Where?
You don't know this?
Hmm.
Oh, Tripoli told me this.
Tripoli's on top of it.
Oh, Tripoli is fucking honest, dude.
If I'm the CIA,
I'm hiring him immediately
on some like,
catch me if you can shit.
Like, you figured out
how all our shit works,
so now you have to work for us.
But Hinckley is the connection
from a Bush to Obama. Apparently, Bush and Obama are relatives or something, distant relatives.
Yeah, that's a tough statement. Dude, I've been trying to get this guy on
my pod for so long. Hinckley?
I think you can get him. I've been emailing him nonstop. He's hit
me back a couple times. He's a musician now.
Oh, yeah, he's a musician. Hinckley?
You can get Hinckley. You should have a live band here.
The Reagan guy? Yeah, he shot Reagan. He got out a year and
a half ago, and I've been emailinging every- Look at his connectivity between Obama.
Because listen, listen, listen.
If Hinckley hits Reagan and actually-
Kills him?
Kills him, who becomes president?
What?
George H.W.
Bush.
H.W., yeah.
Now look at-
Head of the CIA.
Who was the what?
Head of the CIA.
So the head of the CIA, Bush, would have become president if Hinkley
did the thing he was supposed to do.
He doesn't. Look at his
connection to Obama.
I mean, this is...
Don't have a Schultz epiphany.
Don't have a Schultz epiphany.
This is how you drink beer.
There we go!
You get a couple beers, you go, yo, let me tell you something about Hinkley.
Yo, shout out to Sam Tripoli, bro.
Nah, this is an amazing feat.
It's ridiculous. Alright, so
we got, uh...
Jim Broggebaum and Hinkley.
I made an awesome website. Let's go.
Shout out to Famous Kin. So you got Samuel
Hinkley. Wait,
Broggebaum and Hinkley are related?
Keep going. Alright, so you just kind of
take it all the way down. Keep related. Keep going. All right, so you just kind of take it all the way down.
Keep going, keep going, keep going.
Almost there.
Any second now.
Boom, the smoking gun right in front of your eyes.
John Hinkley Jr., Barack Obama.
But how is it?
But there's no connection.
But that has nothing to do with anything.
Yeah, look how many generations far back there.
Yeah, this is gibberish.
Ninth cousins twice removed.
Are you trying to say that Sam Fiddley would lie to me?
Yeah, but even if that's true, that's pointless.
That doesn't matter.
I don't know my five cousins.
Yeah, that doesn't matter.
Fuck cousins.
Fuck, yeah, I would fuck.
Ralph Waldo Emerson, damn.
Yeah, they got a lot of people.
Wild name, dude.
My name is Babe Ruth Gillis.
Ralph Waldo Emerson Dunham.
Yeah, but if you go back far enough, dude, it's all coming together.
I feel like I have to call Tripoli right now.
I mean, yeah, this is so disappointing.
Well, this is crap.
Obama was from Africa before this.
Speaking of, this is not a conspiracy.
Obama's alleged brother is going wild. You see
that? Is that his real brother? It's always the siblings, bro. Jealous.
Were you about to call him black sheep?
Because that's a black sheep. That is a black as hell sheep.
Okay, listen, Akash, I would really appreciate it if you would just magically appear in Shane's seat.
Oh, that was sick.
Hey, man.
You just did that.
Dude, I can read what you need.
How the hell did you read it, but I also said it?
Yeah, but I was there before.
That's a good point.
That's a good point.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Now, I don't even want to talk about what happened with the Giants.
Oh, that was the best.
Dude, I'd be randomly right.
I'd be randomly right about things.
Listen, when you're so right,
eventually it's not random.
Oh, shit.
I'm just trying to say,
when you're so right-
I appreciate that.
Eventually it's not random.
I appreciate that.
Because you kind of did call it.
Yeah.
And I'm wondering,
because now we have to go into next week,
and I'm wondering if we should just let
you bestow some wisdom-
I got that. On what we got to do do because listen I all I know is me personally outside of fucking
Aaron Rodgers that was so sad yo yeah it was sad multiple reasons obviously I picked him he was
one of my prize picks to get more than I remember literally going on to prize picks and going this
is the what was it 225 yards yeah he was throw? And I was like, this is the easiest. Easiest money. This is the easiest more that we've ever put down.
And I was like, guaranteed more.
We picked a couple other ones.
Obviously, you're just going more or less prize picks.
Shout out to prize picks, by the way.
So easy.
Shout out to prize picks because it's wild fun.
Yeah.
That's what it is.
They've really gamified it.
It makes you feel like an expert.
Yes.
Like when I'm going through the more or lesses, I'm just like, yeah, this is light work.
It's a true false test.
I almost want to hit prize picks and just be like, I'm about to bankrupt you.
So let's just make sure that everything that we talk about in terms of like your guys investment in us comes in.
And maybe we should even hold that.
What is it called when you hold something with like a lawyer?
Escrow.
We should hold an escrow because I'm going to bankrupt you outside of it. And they gave you even hold that. What is it called when you hold something with like a lawyer? Escrow. We should hold it in escrow.
Put it in escrow.
Because I'm going to bankrupt you outside of it.
And they gave you a free one.
They said Dak Prescott more or less than half a yard.
And you knew that that was like.
So if he gets one yard, you got it.
That's a free square for everybody.
And you only got to do two.
Yes.
Okay.
So we did okay this last week.
We did okay this last week.
Okay.
So prize picks this week.
What are we looking at?
I got two.
Okay.
Talk to me.
What are the two Akash locks?
Oh, fuck.
The Akash locks.
That made me feel pressure, but I feel confident in this.
Feel some pressure.
Tua Tagovailoa, he's the quarterback of the Dolphins.
Of course.
He had 400 plus yards last week.
So what are we going for this week?
They're saying 264.5 against New England.
How is New England's defense?
I mean, it's Bill Belichick.
So they're always going to be pretty good.
But I just think Tua's got so much speed at receiver with Tyreek Hill,
who's going to be a monster this year. He thinks he's going to get 2000 yards. I think he has a
real shot at it. And then if you double him, they got this other guy, Jalen Waddle speed freak.
They just got so much speed. I think you got to pick Tua. And then this one,
maybe we're going more on the Tua, more on Tua for sure. And then on this one maybe I'm just- So we're going more on the Tua. More on Tua for sure.
And then on this one, I might just be Dallas Cowboys-Homer again, but they're saying Dak Prescott-
The Cowboys look good.
Well, yeah.
Well, they said the other thing, 236.5 yards for Dak is what they're predicting, more or less.
Against?
Against the Jets.
I know the Jets' defense is good, but I think they lowered the stat line because Dak barely had to play last week. He only
had like 170 yards last week because he didn't have to
because it was 26-0. So you really
think Dak is going to put it up against the Jets? So I think
Dak can get more than 236 against
the Jets. I'm personally, and I
know that there's no reason that I should do this
because Akash
locks are always Akash locks. I'm
going for the less. Now they got
a good defense. This is a little riskier.
And I think that they're feeling themselves.
They're like, our guy went down.
Our guy went down after the fourth play of the game.
Yeah.
The guy who is going to be the golden boy of our franchise,
even though he's in the twilight of his career,
he is our confidence.
He is our, I mean, he is our Tesseract, right?
This is where we're getting everything from.
This is why we believe
in ourselves
and then he went down
and they still won
they still won
because they're a good
fucking squad
so I'm gonna go less
on Dak
even though there's
no reason I should
because obviously
Calum is gonna show
the fuck up
I'm gonna go less
you go more
I'll go more
those are the two
Akash
that's the Akash
lock for you
I'm gonna go
obviously you know
Akash knows way more
about football
I'm gonna go less
on that one
this is the beauty of prize picks.
You don't got to be an expert.
Bro, this thing is dangerously fun.
What else we got?
Can we add a little something else to it?
Oh, you want to go three?
I mean, there's part of me.
Because you increase the odds crazy if you go three.
It becomes like five to one.
How's Philadelphia's defense?
Philadelphia's defense is good and deep.
So you wouldn't think that Kirk Cousins could go more than 262?
I don't have very much faith in Kirk Cousins as a quarterback, especially against good teams.
Hold on.
Trevor Lawrence, they have him 259.5.
Against?
Against Kansas City.
Now, Kansas City's coming off a loss, but I feel like—
I think that's very doable.
I think it's very doable.
Really?
Throw it on there.
All right, fine. So Trevor Lawrence is going for over 259.5.
Yeah, it's not crazy in today's NFL. All right, let's do it.
Put the more on it. Let's do the more on it. Listen, all first time users that deposit
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Can we go back to that moment where Shane was there and you're in the other seat?
Is that cool?
Yeah, I'll go.
Okay, better.
This is it.
Tom Cruise.
No, I just did this on Rogues.
Just had this exact same battle.
You took our discussion from Westchester, Pennsylvania.
I don't want to hurt you.
No, hold on.
I've had this argument.
You took our discussion from Westchester, Pennsylvania. No, no, no. I. No, hold on. I've had this argument. You took our discussion from Westchester, Pennsylvania, a bar in Westchester, Pennsylvania.
With Chris O'Connor for years.
Chris O'Connor puts Tom Cruise number one.
I've had this fight with so many people.
Can you just stop for a second?
You took our spirited discussion.
You just knocked on my bedpost, baby.
This was nothing.
Can you just stop for one moment?
You took our spirited discussion from a bar in Westchester, Pennsylvania
and you just
took that over to Rogan and you're asking
No, no, no. I've had that
conversation many times. Where did Rogan land on this?
Tom Cruise is the greatest?
No. Ari was
drunkenly, adamantly defending
Tom Cruise.
Which is fair because
that's the whole point of the argument is you can defend tom's got some hits tom and tom's but longevity is crazy but if you compare him to
like for me like hanks i'll take hanks over yeah our conversation was hank take dicaprio over
cruise dicaprio daniel day lewis over cruise no not daniel david i'll take christian bill
christian bay you would not take daniel day lew over Cruise. There's no way in hell you would do that.
That's crazy talk.
Name it.
When's the last big movie he put out?
Name it.
Name if you had to eliminate one of them from history.
Who's better at acting?
No, eliminate their work from history.
Again, this is where the argument is.
Daniel Day-Lewis' last great movie was 2007.
Lincoln.
There Will Be Blood.
Oh, Lincoln.
There Will Be Blood.
Lincoln was phenomenal.
Can you imagine if Tom Cruise played Lincoln?
He would have done it.
Can you imagine how bad that would be? Just short done it. Can you imagine how bad that would be?
Just short as Lincoln.
Can you imagine how bad that would be?
No.
Just eliminate their work.
You could do without Daniel Day-Lewis.
You cannot do without Tom Cruise.
That's a fact.
You're saying I couldn't do without The Mission Impossible?
Low key.
I don't think you could do without...
I haven't watched one of them since the first one. Top Gun. I don't think you could do without- I haven't watched one of them since the first one.
Top Gun.
I don't think you could do without Top Gun.
I don't think you could do without-
Days of Thunder.
It asserts American dominance in Hollywood.
Come on.
I hear you.
It does.
It asserts dominance.
God damn.
I agree.
Top Gun rules. God damn it agree Top Gun rules
God damn it
Top Gun rules
So does Rocky
You had a whole bathroom break
To figure out that sentence
No I came back
I just came back
I tried to insert myself
In the combo
Jerry Maguire
Yo
That's a Jewish agent classic
Obviously you love that movie
Yes
Yeah I think
Last Samurai
It's Tom
Last Samurai rules
He's got a lot Obviously he's one of the greatest But Hanks I give you I don't remember who else Jack Nicholson Yeah, I think it's Tom. Last Samurai rules.
He's got a lot.
Obviously, he's one of the greatest.
But Hanks, I give you.
I don't remember who else.
Jack Nicholson.
Jack Nicholson, possibly.
You name someone else after Hanks, I was a banger. I could do without Jack.
I know that's crazy.
I could do without Jack.
I love Christian.
Love Christian.
Nah, but you could do without Christian Bale.
What are you talking about?
You can't do without The Dark Knight Rises, bro.
You can't do without Batman.
Christian Bale's a bad motherfucker, dog.
You can't do without him. He's better than Top Gun. The Big Short, I. Christian Bale's a bad motherfucker, dog. You can't do without Top Gun.
It's better than Top Gun.
The big short I just watched, he's fantastic in it.
I feel like you loved Top Gun, the new one.
Loved it.
The fighter?
I thought the new one sucked cock.
Let's talk about it.
Go on that.
Let's talk about it.
I couldn't believe how dumb that fucking movie was.
Let's talk about it.
It was fun, but it was cheesy as fuck.
Yeah.
Talk to me.
It was cool.
It was cool.
Don't do that.
It was fun.
Don't do that fucking.
Don't do that.
Don't do that moonwalk. I'm going to put the nice parts in. Tell me it sucked. It was cool. It was cool. Don't do that. It was fun. Don't do dare. Don't do dare moonwalk.
I'm going to put the nice parts in.
Tell me it sucked.
It was cool looking at planes.
I liked watching planes.
I was sitting there going,
damn, that's a cool fucking plane.
Yeah.
And then when they crashed
and found each other,
which is impossible.
It's not impossible.
It happens all the time.
If Maverick died at the end,
it would have been a fucking great movie.
Yeah, yeah.
If Maverick died at the end,
it would have been a fucking great movie.
Why would Maverick die? He's the greatest pilot that's ever... He's not the greatest. He it would have been a fucking great movie. If Maverick died at the end, it would have been a fucking great movie. Why would Maverick die as the greatest pilot that's ever...
If not the greatest, he got shot down by some fucking Russian bullshit.
Yeah, that's true.
He's American, bro.
Saving his boy.
Not because he wanted to get shot down.
I'm not saying the movie.
Saving his boy.
I might have been too harsh.
And he wasn't in a fifth generation fighter.
He wasn't a fifth generation.
Guys, come on.
There were some real ching chongs in those planes and they were fucking- Also, they didn't even show you who the bad guys were.
That's the only gripe I have.
They did so much.
But that is a capitalism issue.
Crap, dude.
That's a capitalism issue.
He was great in the movie.
There's no denying.
Of course he was.
Now you're more bad talk.
Great at being top down.
Listen, here's the reality.
The movie was-
Mel Gibson and Tom Cruise are in the same league to me.
I'll say that.
Mel Gibson is one of the greatest ever.
I agree.
If he doesn't have that one moment where he spoke freely, then he probably is looked at.
I'm a Scottish man.
Two moments.
The real great part.
I watched my wife.
That was.
You may take my career.
But you are not.
You are never going to take my career.
I am DiCaprio over Tom Cruise for sure.
I agree.
For sure.
Absolutely.
Okay.
Okay. I'll give you DiCaprio over Tom Cruise for sure. I agree. For sure, absolutely. Yeah, okay, okay.
I'll give you DiCaprio over Tom Cruise. What about Denzel?
Denzel.
Denzel's my number one.
Really?
Yeah.
Damn, that's...
Dude, Denzel's my number one.
Give me his number one.
Why'd you look at Alex?
That was a hard-ass laugh.
Obviously.
That was a hard-ass laugh.
Obviously your number one.
Denzel's my number one.
Obviously.
These are my number one.
Three movies.
Equalizer 1, 2,, three No, no, no
In all seriousness
Denzel for me
Is the only guy
Denzel is Pacino to me
Oh, but are you one of those
That's amazing
Because Pacino plays
The same role
No, no, they all play
The same role
Stop, stop for one second
But Denzel
If you watch
If you watch Training Day
You're taking a hacky
Director take right now
If you watch Training Day again You're gonna go hacky director take right now. If you watch Training Day again, you're going to go, God damn, that guy spoke gibberish that entire movie.
I watched it in a fantastic way.
This is a director take that has been popularized on the internet.
Listen, there's no.
Go find, you can actually look this up.
There's a director that goes, Pacino, I wouldn't even look at him, but blah, blah, blah is this.
Oh, I don't think I'm a director or smart about about this stuff but I can tell when someone's making up lines training book of Eli
I love book of Eli fantastic I can't believe that you as a Catholic will not show respect
to Denzel who makes sure he puts God in every single movie I love that historian glory I love
that glory glory was incredible incredible. John Q.
John Q phenomenal. Wait, why are you guys arguing like I don't think
that... Man on fire. I was the one who named Denzel
in this argument. I was the one who said Denzel
is better than Tom Cruise in this argument.
It's your glasses. I laughed at you for saying Denzel
was your number one. I was making fun of you for
liking Blackbeard. So who's better than Denzel?
That was the joke. I went, of course, that's obviously
your number one. That was the joke.
Denzel is a better actor than Leo, and that's not questionable.
Leo takes better roles, though.
It's not questionable.
Leo's roles are so fucking great.
I think you can question that.
No.
Oh, man.
That's not questionable.
Leo's Gilbert Graves, bro.
That's just fire.
I can question your whole existence right now.
Nah, bro.
Denzel over Leo?
No, I'm just saying it's questionable.
Give me your Leo take that beats Denzel over Leo? I'm just saying it's questionable. Give me your
Leo take that beats Denzel
in Philadelphia.
That's fair.
Give me your Leo take that beats Denzel in Glory.
Give me your Leo take that beats Denzel
in Malcolm X. I liked Leo in
Django.
You got one.
You got one that's really good
Can we do that scene?
I like Leo a lot
Let's do the Django scene
I like Christoph Waltz better than I like Tom Cruise as an actor
Great actor
Christoph is a monster
Now we're talking about Denzel
That's how this entire thing started
Please rewind
I said Denzel was better than Tom Cruise
Denzel's my number one
You're triggered right now and I apologize Let's just talk about number one Denzel was better than Tom Cruise. Denzel's my number one. You're triggered right now and I apologize.
Let's just talk about number one.
Let's just talk about number one. Denzel, number one.
No.
Okay, who's number one?
Go number one.
What are we talking? Better actors?
The sunglasses break everything.
It just breaks everything.
I'm going to wear sunglasses after this.
I'm going to be furious if you do.
I don't know who's... I think Leo might be better.
Skill level or resume?
Resume is better.
Give me one movie that beats the four movies we just said.
Catch Me If You Can?
Fantastic.
Better than Malcolm X.
Better than Philadelphia.
Better than Malcolm X?
Better than Glory.
Wolf of Wall Street?
I never saw Glory.
Wolf of Wall Street?
He was a side character.
Wolf of Wall Street.
Better than John Q.
Better than Q.
Better than Man on Fire.
Man on Fire. Yes. Man on Fire. Man on Fire.
Yes.
Man on Fire was phenomenal.
I think Once Upon a Time in Hollywood is better than John Q.
Uh-huh.
Oh, fantastic.
Oh, my God.
We can't even talk anymore.
I mean, I guess.
The range of movies Leo takes is also crazy.
I don't understand what the movie's saying.
I don't even think that's that salacious.
They have no black people in them.
There's not one black character in Hollywood, now Hollywood movie. Tarantino historically never cast black people in them. There's not one black character in Hollywood. Now, Hollywood movie.
Tarantino historically never cast black people in his movie.
I think De Niro's better than Tom Cruise.
Listen, with all due respect to De Niro, no.
Why?
Not even close.
Why? Because he does the same character in every movie?
Okay.
If you're making the Pacino argument, you're not going to bestow that on De Niro?
No, no, no. The Pacino argument wasn't... De Niro did Taxi Driver. He did Deer Hunter. No, no, no. You're right If you're making the Pacino argument, you're not going to bestow that on De Niro? No, no, no.
The Pacino argument wasn't... Nah, De Niro did Taxi Driver
and he did Deer Hunter. Nah, nah, you're right, you're right.
I just watched... Yo, this is funny. I watched Deer Hunter
last night. You know what sucks about Deer Hunter?
It's supposed to be in Western PA. All of a sudden,
for no reason, when they go deer
hunting, they're in the Rocky Mountains.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no. Oh, the. The world has collapsed, guys.
What are we ever going to do?
I was watching last night.
I was like.
Oh, that hurt.
I thought about it.
That hurt him a little bit.
That hurt him a little bit.
That one hurt you a little bit.
It just wasn't that outrageous.
That hurt you a little bit.
Listen, there's deer everywhere, bro.
It's not just in fucking western PA.
Yeah, but there's poor people from Clarendon, Pennsylvania.
Oh, white people have it hard.
We know, guys.
They're so tough from Western PA.
They took away our fame.
We have deer in Western PA.
What are we going to do?
Guys, I knew we were going to end this on a fucking sour note.
I know.
It's the glasses.
The second form of glasses.
Let's go back!
Oh, my blue-eyed baby.
Actually, no.
That means he won.
No, no, no, no, no.
He fucking won.
I didn't win.
I didn't win.
It's an ask.
You didn't win?
It's an ask.
It's an ask?
It's an ask.
Handshake ask.
Deal.
Deal, deal, deal.
Deal.
No, you tricked me again.
Oh, you can't.
Hold on.
Hold on.
You don't think it's weird that in the middle of the deer hunter, it's all Western PA.
You look cool as shit.
What I'm trying to say is.
I like that.
You look good.
I support whatever makes you feel comfortable.
I would never criticize you for that.
They look cool as shit on you.
Let me see them.
They look good on you.
I don't want it.
I don't want it because I want to connect with you.
Go.
No, but don't you think it's outrageous that it's clear.
Is it billed as Western PA?
Here's the thing.
The whole time.
It's literally a steel factory in Pittsburgh.
It's 50 years ago.
But why toss in the Rocky Mountains out of nowhere?
Because.
They're snow-capped giant mountains.
There's mountains right there.
There's mountains an hour south of Pittsburgh.
I know, but they're not snow-capped Rocky Mountains.
Of course they're snow-capped.
There's Appalachian Mountains.
That's where I'm from, dumbasses.
Yes.
You're telling me there's no snow-caps in the Appalachian mountains. That's where I'm from, dumbasses. You're telling me there's no snowcaps in the Appalachian mountains?
Yes.
What did John Denver sing about?
Blue Ridge Mountains.
Blue Ridge Mountains.
West Virginia.
West Virginia.
What is one hour south of Pittsburgh?
But wait, they're not snowcaps.
There's not mountains?
There's not snowcaps in the winter?
There's not snowcaps in the winter.
Now we have seasonal?
Are you going seasonal on us? Yo, that's crazy.
Bro, are you guys dumb?
Do you not understand?
Help me out. You're smart.
I'm trying to figure this out.
Don't do this.
You're saying the snow can only be there all around?
The years?
Fuck, I was so close.
I was so close.
A snowcap, a Rocky.
You've seen the Rockies.
What do I need to Google?
The Aligani Mountains.
Compared to the Rocky Mountains.
Yes, that's what the mountains look like where I'm from.
Oh, shit. Country roads take me home to the place where I belong.
West Virginia.
Mountain mama.
That's a Rocky Mountain.
That's the Appalachians.
Bro, you're doing like a real.
They're rocking the way back.
They look really rolly.
It looks insane.
You're saying this is like Home Alone 2, in New York and they had Bourbon Street randomly.
Exactly.
They did?
I think you could put snow on mountains.
No, but it's the same thing.
I don't think this is a good argument from you.
No, no, trust me.
I don't think it is.
But New York is a much cooler city, just like the Rocky Mountains are a much cooler mountain.
Yes, but in the middle of a movie that the whole thing's based on Western Pennsylvania.
It's a bunch of like-
It's from the 70s. It's a movie. It's a bunch of like. It's from the 70s.
It's a movie.
It's a movie.
Which makes it more outrageous that they went from filming in a steel factory.
He's going up against a fifth generation fighter.
Fifth generation.
In an F-16, dude.
There's no way.
There's no way he could possibly beat them.
If it was from the wintertime, it would be accurate.
Gosh.
No, it wouldn't.
Because you can see the type of mountain.
You don't know topography? No. look okay so listen to guys that like top gun yes it would make no difference you'd be like oh that's a mountain i like superhero movies okay here we
go here we go you don't like superhero movies i like a couple name Name them. Good Batmans. Phenomenal.
Phenomenal.
Nolan.
Good Batmans.
The Incredibles.
And I liked.
The Incredibles, fantastic.
I never saw The Incredibles.
Great. Fantastic.
Great.
Fantastic.
I've seen the pictures of the lady.
I've turned on to this.
She's got my nipple sucked to those.
Come with that.
I saw Guardians of the Galaxy.
Yeah.
Great.
Makes me cry.
Every single time.
Yeah. Every single time. Guardians of the Galaxy makes me cry Great. Makes me cry. Every single time. Yeah.
Every single time.
Guardians of the Galaxy
makes me cry.
Wolverine was good, yeah.
Logan.
Logan.
Yeah, that was good.
I know you like Logan.
I like the good ones.
Guardians of the Galaxy
is that good?
I had a cartel guy on my pod
and he was like,
bro, watch that show
on the plane, bro.
I was crying the whole time.
It's easy to cry on a plane.
Sells weapons to the cartel.
It's easy to cry on a plane.
Watch Lion on a plane like I said. The cry on a plane. Watch Lion on a plane.
The characters get what they need, not what they want.
I haven't even seen it.
Yeah, that was good.
They get what they need, not what they want.
What is his name? James Gunn?
He's phenomenal.
Wait, is it really?
Always get what you want.
You get what you need. That's the ethos.
That's good stuff.
Actually, you know what? I like the Suicide Squad he did something you love sounds like you love soup
No, no, I don't like the Marvel. I don't like the DC. I don't like the Avengers Guardians is Marvel
No, no, no, but I'm saying vendors any ones the main ones
So what you're trying to say is you like it when quality directors direct anything?
Yes, which is a way better argument than I don't like Marvel movies. You just like when
fucking artists... I don't like the...
You don't like the cookie-cutter bullshit.
But when a quality director gets on Batman...
It's great. It becomes one of the
fucking best things ever. Yes.
And James Gunn is... Star Wars is another example.
I loved Star Wars growing up. Originals.
Just because I was growing up, yes.
I loved Star Wars. Yep.
The new ones sucked it.
Yeah, mid.
Rogue One, excellent.
What is Rogue One?
The girl?
No, no.
The girl.
Yeah, that was actually pretty good.
Rogue One is Daniel Kaliya and then the girl.
Ridley or something her name is?
Rogue One rules.
Yeah, that was good.
Felicity Jones.
Yeah.
Oh, okay. Okay, okay, okay. It's Felicity Jones. Yeah. Oh.
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
I think we're on the same page here.
Quality director.
Have you seen Infinity Wars and Endgame?
Infinity Wars is fantastic.
He doesn't like it.
I didn't love that stuff.
I think you need the buildup.
I've seen them all.
I appreciate it.
I've seen most of them.
I saw Iron Man.
No, I can understand why you don't like it
if you're just like viewing that as a standalone movie.
I don't like the sense of humor in every one of these.
I love that.
The style of like snarky, dumb bullshit of like, well, we actually have a Hulk, so what are you going to do about it?
Okay, okay.
And I will say, if I'm going to make his argument, I would say that James Gunn's-
Deadpool killed Superhero movies.
Did you see that sense of humor?
Yeah, I saw it when it came out.
I was like, I kind of like it came out. I was like,
I kind of like this.
I thought Deadpool was all right.
Yeah, but it's that type of humor.
I think Gunn is phenomenal.
What's Gunn?
James Gunn.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, and I think the guy,
Taiki.
Tiger Waititi or whatever.
Did he do the-
Taika Waititi.
Did he do the Guardians?
Or was it Gunn that did the Guardians?
He did Thor.
Guardians is filled with all comedies.
It's all funny.
It's a style.
They have a different sense of humor.
Do you like it because Batista's in it?
What about Thor Ragnarok?
Have you seen that one?
Because that was Guardians.
Was it good?
So funny.
Here's a softball.
What did you think of Black Panther?
Come on, buddy.
I remember
going to the theater
thinking
this is a cultural
this is important for the culture.
And I remember
howling laughing at how bad it was.
I did.
Audibly laughing at the theater. I i got a piece of shit i got
you remember i got so much shit for saying that shit was whack bro it wasn't it wasn't
whack because like it wasn't it wasn't it wasn't amazing bro it was he you remember on brilliant
yes but it wasn't whack it wasn't amazing but it wasn't whack. That movie? Whack. Their outfits? Whack. The power!
I'm nice.
Yeah, I didn't fuck with it.
What's a
shitty movie that you would defend?
That everyone unanimously hates?
I get shit on for liking the movie The Happening.
Wait, what is that?
I love that movie. What is Happening?
M. Night Shyamalan. Are they laughing about what I said?
Hold on, what is Happening?
That's a great movie. What's Happening? The Happening was an M. Night Shyamalan. Are they laughing about what I said? Hold on, what is happening? That's a great movie.
The Happening was M. Night Shyamalan with Mark Wahlberg.
And it's terrible.
And you like him.
Isn't he from Philly or Pittsburgh?
M. Night Shyamalan's all Philly.
I'm with you on M. Night, bro. Greatest director of all time.
Greatest director of all time.
Shouts to Manoj.
I like it.
Name another one. I liked it. This is fire. Name another one.
Inception.
I thought it was great when it came out.
And then I've cooled on how much I like his directing.
Nolan.
I thought Tenet was a disaster.
I didn't like Tenet.
Memento.
I'd never seen that.
You would love it.
You would love that.
Ridley Scott's my guy.
You like historical epic?
Yeah.
Gladiator.
Gladiator.
Obviously.
Dunkirk.
American Gangster is Ridley.
Dunkirk hurt.
I wanted that to be- Because you wanted that to be-
I want a little bit of violence.
Do you know what fucking hurt?
Greyhound.
But Dunkirk was cool.
Did you guys see- Greyhound was-
It's a Netflix movie.
That broke my heart.
It was an Apple movie.
It was an Apple movie.
With Tom Hanks, World War II.
It should have been great.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I didn't.
What about 19-0?
Man Named Otto, Andrew put us on.
Oh, phenomenal.
1917.
1917.
Domino director, though.
Guys, what are we talking about?
1917 was awesome.
What's his face?
One shot.
The dude.
I don't care about that one shot.
I love one shot.
Do multiple shots.
One take, I love it.
It makes it better, you think?
You just are living it.
Sam Mendes.
To pull that office.
Who also did Bond's entire movie.
Yeah.
There's a scene in the movie with Clive Owen where nobody can reproduce anymore.
Oh.
Oh, fuck.
Children of men.
Children of men.
That is one shot for like 20 minutes.
And I will admit,
it's fucking, it's impressive knowing going into it,
but like,
what are you laughing at?
It's 6 o'clock.
It's 7 o'clock.
It's 7.
Listen, bro, we have a lot to cut out.
Okay, we have a lot to cut out because of your
crazy opinions. No, that was you.
The greatest film of all time this is it we leave the podcast on this yeah the peanut butter theory solution uh jesus no it's tough give me three and they don't have to have an order
you give me you go first friday yeah friday Yeah. Friday, next Friday, Friday after next.
Just Friday.
Top three.
Favorite private Ryan?
Yo, top three what?
Top three movies of all time.
Shawshank Redemption.
Oh, wow.
Bro, Shawshank is so good.
Shawshank's really good.
Shawshank.
I showed my wife Shawshank during pandemic.
Are you putting Matrix 1 in there?
Bro, Matrix was fucking incredible. You gotta put Matrix 1 in there? Matrix has got to be up there.
It can't be a 3.
It can't be a 3.
Matrix was fucking incredible.
Braveheart was incredible.
Gladiators.
For real, if you're naming Braveheart,
Gladiators right there with it.
I put it a little above Braveheart.
He explained the plot of Armageddon.
The Michael Bay filmography. Armageddon washeart. He explained the plot of Armageddon. Bro, Armageddon.
The Michael Bay filmography.
Armageddon was amazing.
He explained the plot.
But when you explain the plot, the whole thing falls apart?
It's unbelievably bad.
Can you just explain the plot as if I've never heard of the movie?
All right, there's a fucking asteroid coming.
Wait, but would it destroy Earth or something?
Yeah, this is an Earth destroyer.
So who are we going to get to fix that problem?
Now, this is where you would think like scientists and astronauts.
Obviously, yeah.
Guys on an oil rig.
Alcoholics on an oil rig.
But they're not like felons or anything.
Yeah, a bunch of them have real serious issues.
We're going to launch them into outer space.
Have they been to outer space before?
They've never left Texas.
They've never left where they're from once.
Okay, okay.
We're going to have to launch them into humanity's only shot.
Wait, do they get to design the ship, though?
Yeah, they have a say.
Wait, the oil rig guys have a say on how the ship goes into space?
At one point, a guy gets space dementia.
What is that even?
We came up with it.
He's got space dementia.
Hey, Shane, they wouldn't happen to have a random gun up there, would they?
Yeah, somebody's going to bring a gun.
Why do you need a 9mm in space?
Just in case you have to shoot something.
In space?
That's kind of an odd thing.
Yeah, that movie was trash.
That movie was bad.
Bro, how did it end?
But why did it make everyone cry?
It is so good.
How?
Because in the 90s, we were all dumb.
Yeah.
Dude, the 90s were the best.
It really was.
And Bruce Willis was the best.
Independence Day was incredible.
Unbelievable.
Dude, Will Smith is in 15 minutes of that movie.
I thought he was in the whole time.
Yes.
I also haven't seen that one yet.
Explain the plot again. I'm enjoying it seen that one yet. Explain the plot again.
Let's do Independence Day.
So what do we got?
I'm trying to remember.
That's a great one.
So listen, aliens come, but then they're bringing all their boys too.
Believable.
And how are we going to take them out?
Again, a drunk guy from Texas.
9-11's the main ship.
Joe, it's true.
9-11's it.
He says, oh, look, bud, I'm back. Yeah, that's where the... And what does he hit? ship
Yeah, that's where the and what does he hit it's the mothership and then they all
collapse because Alien technology is alien take the guys who traveled through space and time they have the same technology that like Christmas lights have
And the whole Christmas tree
goes out
that's why I don't watch movies
Joaquin Phoenix is better
than Tom Cruise
that just reminded me of Signs
Joker might be one of the greatest movies
Joaquin Phoenix rules dude
Signs is so good
Signs is so good
Signs is great
fell asleep in it
Mel Gibson again
M. Night
bro that's the guy
it's good
you didn't think Signs was
no it was good
okay what is your top
what is your top just give us a few?
We named them all matrix Friday
Geez up friends top three movie
Comedies
Cinematic perfection. Okay, find a flaw on Friday. You can't about dumb and dumber. It's up there great movie. No, dude
Find a flaw on Friday.
You can't. What about Dumb and Dumber?
It's up there.
Great movie.
No, dude.
Didn't hit me like Friday.
Friday is great.
All right, this is crazy, but maybe is Home Alone.
Home Alone is fantastic.
I mean, yes.
Home Alone is really good.
Home Alone is a fucking great comedy.
Home Alone 2, one of the greatest sequels of all time.
Godfather, Goodfellas.
Home Alone 2.
Find a better sequel.
There's a strong guy going.
What's a better sequel? There's a strong guy going,
Independence Day.
I'm silver.
No, Jurassic Park.
Jurassic Park.
We're rolling, dude.
Do you remember seeing Jurassic Park
as a kid?
Oh, fuck.
And the water shaking
and you going,
oh, it's about to go down.
Yeah.
I was,
I was against Spielberg
for a while.
Wait, wait, what?
I was going to.
I didn't like,
when he does war movies, it's always like trumpets.
When he does World War II movies, it's always like Band of Brothers.
What?
You didn't like the music?
No, no, but just like when guys die, they're like, give this letter to my wife.
I love her.
That's how guys die.
Guys die like.
So you remember Saving Private Ryan with the fucking...
I liked Thin Red Line.
That was crazy.
What about Vietnam craziness instead of that romantic?
What about the...
What is the one that's now?
No, the HBO one that was the...
Band of Brothers.
Band of Brothers.
Again, that was a lot of trumpets.
I loved it.
Apocalypse Now.
Wait, you liked it?
I love it, but...
Oh, oh.
Letter from Iwo Jima.
Clint Eastwood did it better?
Full Metal Jacket.
Full Metal Jacket's the shit.
I knew you would love Full Metal Jacket.
I like Thin Red Line.
Thin Red Line's pretty neat.
I haven't seen it.
You should see it.
Tim Caviezel.
Tropic Thunder.
Tropic Thunder rules.
So good.
Okay, guys.
Before we get out of here,
this is the last thing we're talking about,
and then we're stopping this podcast.
Please.
That was unnecessary.
You have nothing to do tonight
you're going to go back to your fucking apartment
I didn't think I was going to get fucking drunk
you knew you were going to get drunk
you have roommates to go back to
where you're going to have the same discussion that we're having right now
I'm going to go lay down and go god damn it
dude I might have a problem
national service
I mean
we've got to take care of ourselves don't you think listen I'm about to have a fucking epiphany service. I mean, we finally get control
of ourselves.
Don't you
think,
listen,
I'm about to
have a fucking
epiphany.
Listen,
don't you feel
as if every
American should
do some form
of national
service?
Okay,
Vivek Ramaswamy.
What the fuck
are we talking
about,
bro?
Yeah,
you gotta like
pass a civics
exam to vote
and do some
kind of national
service.
Yeah.
Blah,
blah,
I don't believe in that. You believe in that? No. I was gonna say, you probably don't even believe in like, you got to pass a civics exam to vote and do some kind of national service. Yeah. Blah, blah, blah. I don't believe in that.
You believe in that?
No.
I was going to say, you probably don't even believe in you need to have proper ID to vote.
Right?
Having an ID is racist.
Why?
Why?
Yeah.
I don't know.
I guess it's hard to get one.
Yeah.
As long as it be racist.
That's not my argument.
That's Other people's
The radical left
Some people say it's racist
To have to show ID to vote
Hey Shane
Hey Shane
Some people say that
Hey Shane
Some people
Who are people?
I don't know
I guess we'd have to google it
Ah okay
You know he was a cop right?
What?
Look at how he is
Look at how he is
What?
The boys
You didn't know
That this guy was a cop.
Oh, you're a fraud.
Fuck the police, bro.
Two different worlds, dude.
Listen, blue eyes matter on this podcast.
That's crazy.
You were a cop?
I was a court officer, but.
Same thing.
You got a badge.
You got a gun.
I would never, bro.
Dude, isn't it crazy when people have perceptions of you and then it doesn't meet up to what the reality is?
Oh, man.
National service.
What was national service?
Do you believe?
Mandatory.
I feel like things are getting misconstrued here.
What are you trying to say?
The show ID thing.
I think that was...
I wasn't trying to offend.
I thought it was clear.
I was joking.
Hold on, hold on.
Let me get him his glasses.
Hold on.
Let me get him his glasses. It's okay, brother. We good. joking. Hold on. Hold on. Let me get him his glasses. Hold on. Let me get him his glasses.
We're moving on.
National service.
National service.
Do you think that every American
should do some form of national service?
No.
Interesting.
Not at all.
No.
You don't think you've got to be part of this?
It's one of my biggest regrets that I never.
Well, by national service.
Well, we didn't do it.
What do you mean?
I wish I did.
What do you mean by national service?
I did.
You did?
Yep.
Why?
Because you were a court officer?
Air Force.
Air Force.
Well, you tried to be part of it.
Yeah.
Well, I tried to be part of the Army.
I was AWOLed out.
That's fair.
I quit.
Gang, gang.
What if you had to do just one year?
Your schedule, I couldn't do it.
No, no, now, obviously.
But I do like this idea.
Like, right out of high school, one year.
One year, do something.
I don't give a fuck.
You can go look after...
What was it that Sebastian said?
He was like, you don't necessarily have to do foreign.
It doesn't have to be military.
He's like, I don't support military service.
But he was like, national service, working domestically with the United States, go repair a fucking national park.
Take all the people from Beverly Hills, make them work on the border wall.
I believe that.
Have them understand what the fuck is going on.
Yeah.
But we know if that was in place, then all the rich people will have their kids just like, you just have to go to some easy place.
They're always going to do that.
But at least we get an idea of what...
I think you should make some sacrifice to be part of the country.
It's very easy to just accept all the beautiful things that it has.
And I think if you just put a fucking, what, a year of your life...
I wish I did it.
My dad did it.
I didn't do it, and I regret it now at 39 years old.
18 and 19.
18 and 19. 18 and 19.
Yeah.
And my dad upped his cart.
So he chose to go in.
So it's like, and his fucking, all of his brothers and shit did the whole, oh, I'm studying or oh, I'm in college, whatever, that kind of stuff.
And I wish I fucking did it.
That's a regret I have.
You wish you were a troop?
Not necessarily.
Not necessarily that. Some form of national service. Now we're drinking. That's a regret I have. You wish you were a troop? Not necessarily that.
Some form of national service.
Now we're drinking.
No, no, more here.
But if it meant to be that, then sure.
It's the best time to drink it.
No, but for real.
If it meant to be that, then for real.
I wish I did something.
I wish I did something.
I wish I did something.
I wish I did something.
Just one week and a month.
One week and a month.
Do something.
Shane said he wished he was a Navy SEAL.
I should have been a fucking special forces guy.
You could have been a special force.
You'd be like a beluga whale that we put you in the fucking...
Don't be nasty because you're getting teary-eyed about not being a troop, you fucking pussy.
No, good luck getting anybody.
Also, it's anti-American, dude.
It's anti-American. It's anti-American.
It's anti-American to want to be part of America?
No, to force people to be part of America.
Yeah, you're right.
There's something beautiful.
Is the draft anti-American?
People have argued that, yeah.
Do you believe it's anti-American or is it?
Not if we need it.
It's like World War II.
It's an existential threat.
You could argue that you need it for social harmony for everyone to do one year and feel invested in this.
Yeah, but that's less of an imminent threat.
This is an imminent danger.
Or are we so polarized now that we can't even vote?
I think you just care so little about the Jews that World War II didn't seem like that big of a deal to you.
Yeah.
No.
That was a sick last round.
I think doing a little something. I think doing a little something.
I think doing a little something.
I'm on board with that.
One year.
One year.
Go work in a national park, dude.
You can work in a national park.
You can work over at a border.
You could work as part of the, I don't know.
Peace Corps.
Peace Corps.
I think one year.
USO comedy shows.
And it brings people together where it's like how New York brings so many cultures
together.
Absolutely.
New York doesn't bring that many cultures together.
Yes, it does.
You get to New York, you better assimilate.
Nah, but more- You better be far left, bro.
Yeah, but if you go to Alabama- If you go to Alabama, I don't know.
Here, it's there.
I wonder if they're more accepting of, I don't know.
New York, you're kinda forced to have to- New York, you gotta go. If you say I'm a Republican, they go, you get out.
Here's the thing.
New Yorkers.
They say go to Staten Island.
Exactly.
New Yorkers say if you're not Republican, then you're a weirdo.
And then New Yorkers also be like, yo, no homo, bro.
Like, chill.
Like, why are you trying to make all these gay references?
That's wild gay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So real New Yorkers.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Transplants are super liberal.
Transplants are super liberal.
Actual New Yorkers are like, yo, what's going on over here?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I would say New York's probably not the most accepting place in America.
Really?
I feel we're the most.
Let him make it.
Honestly, as a native New Yorker, I feel we're the most accepted.
Can I chime in on your behalf?
Because I think when you come here, transplants, Every single person here votes the same way.
That's wrong.
We had a Republican mayor.
When?
All of them.
Well, Eric Adams is a...
When?
Bloomberg is a registered Republican.
Giuliani.
Giuliani, Republican.
We like Republicans.
DeBasio.
He's a gay.
Yeah.
I'm just saying,
that was back before
politics were as polarized.
I think...
I don't think it's fair. I think it's reasonable
to say any area that the
entire populace votes the exact same way,
be it
Alabama or New York, isn't the most
accepting. But on a city level, isn't that most
places? Most places are
pretty one way or the other.
There's four states where your vote really matters.
All right, go outside and say there's only two genders.
See if somebody doesn't scream in your face.
No, look, I'm with you to a large degree.
You're part of a different New York, bro.
Didn't we vote in the dude that lied about his old fucking resume?
He lied about some gay shit.
That guy was awesome.
But he was a Republican, and we
voted him in, because his resume was nice.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Regardless, I'm just...
I think that's a reasonable thing to say.
I don't know how accepting New York is.
I think you're also confusing
transplants with native New Yorkers.
Because I do the same thing. I moved here,
and they're just yelling, and you're like, what the fuck?
I thought I was a moderate person.
Y'all are making me feel like I'm an asshole.
But I think a lot of those people move here because they feel like they can be free to have their like very progressive opinions.
And I think a lot of New Yorkers that are like born and raised here are just like, yo, what's up with these blue haired chicks?
I agree with that.
Yes, yes, yes.
I agree.
Yes.
The guy on the garbage truck is.
I'm taking more transplants. Yes. Yeah, transplants are the worst. Okay, yes, yes. I agree. Yes. The guy on the garbage truck is- I'm thinking more transplants.
Yes.
Yeah, transplants are the worst.
Certainly.
They're the worst.
And I think New Yorkers-
I think that makes up a lot of New York.
I think they're the loudest ones-
Yeah, that is true.
In New York.
And they're the ones that post the opinions on social media.
But actual New Yorkers, I don't think they're tripping.
A lot of us, a lot of natives got pushed up.
So it is a battle right now in terms of native New Yorkers and transplants.
Yeah.
It's probably 50-50.
It's day one now in New York.
In the city.
Yeah.
The natives.
You're Bill the Butcher.
Yeah.
Yo, shout out to Bill, though.
Bill the Butcher.
Don't get me into the natives.
I told you we were trying
to avoid this whole thing.
And you fucking...
Don't tell me there's one
Tom Cruise character
or Denzel that's better
than Bill the Butcher
or Dana Day-Lewis.
I'll wait. I mean one Tom Cruise character or Denzel that's better than Bill the Butcher, Dana Day-Lewis.
I'll wait.
I mean, Tom Cruise.
You know the story?
Was he in Boomerang?
What?
What?
Wasn't he in Boomerang?
This is a hell of a podcast. You got to end the podcast.
This is a fucking Indian guy.
It's been flagrant.
We appreciate you. Go check out Boomerang, bro. Go check out Boomerang. This is the fucking Indian guy. This is the Indian guy on Instagram.
We appreciate you.
Go check out Boomerang, bro.
Go check out Boomerang, Shane's favorite movie.
Peace.
Go check out Beautiful Dogs on Netflix.
Delete the Netflix special.
Shane and Matt's podcast.
Yo, check out Matt's special on YouTube right now.
Absolutely hilarious.
And go check out Stuffed Islands.
Our boys O'Connor and Tommy Pope.
And then when the time is ready,
make sure you go and check out
and support Tires,
which is a hilarious show.
Someday.
And I hope it breaks
the fucking mold
and I hope amazing things
happen from that.
I'm afraid I'll delete everything.
But we will mostly delete,
mostly.
Skip the whole thing
until right now.
Just put out a one-minute podcast
of just the shout-outs.
This is good.
Peace.