Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - The 2019 Joll-Off (Ft. BarStool's Francis Ellis)

Episode Date: March 26, 2019

This week Andrew, Akaash, Kaz, and special guest Barstool Sports' Francis Ellis discuss: the best African Jollof, being a Celtics Fan, the best part of having Aids, the new internet challenge: #Stillbeattho, and more. INDULGE!!!

What's up everybody and welcome to another episode of Flagrant 2 No easy buckets analysis by assholes Water cooler commentary for your soul needs This episode has been brought to you by Manscaped Alright You already know what time it is if you've been listening to this show If you're a new listener Welcome on board

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the show okay uh very big episode today we're gonna be joined by my man francis ellis from barstool radio uh barstool breakfast rather a very funny guy willie's stand-up comic willie's co-host uh hilarious dude we got a lot of great feedback from Willie great feedback from Willie and yeah so we have a very

important show because today is the Jolof off or as we say the Jolof here now for new listeners

I want to let you know there is a very popular African food that's right they have food there's a very popular African food okay called J right. They have food. There's a very popular African food called Jolof.

This is a West African delicacy. There's some beef amongst West African countries. Specifically, Nigeria, Ghana, Senegal. I almost said Sierra Leone

but the fact that I even knew that one is pretty impressive Sierra Leone got their own conflict their conflicts are a little bit more it's not about rice it's about dinings ain't nobody writing songs about Senegal yet we're going to see how good the Jolof is

to do it the Jolof is forever we're going to see how good the Jolof is to do it. The Jolof is forever. The Jolof is forever. We're going to make this shit happen. So we're going to have the Jolof. We have food from each of these different countries. We have another Jolof coming in the room right now. You can come in at one second, Miss.

We'll tell you exactly who you're from, et cetera. So we have, again, Senegal, Nigeria. And I just want to point out that, one, we have two options from Nigeria. Okay? One of these options is coming from Mrs. Famuyide. I mean, this is straight from the source. Mama Kaz. Mama Kaz.

You know what I mean? Mama Kaz. If you want to know why Kaz is thick, all right? You want to know why Kaz is thick Alright You want to know Why Kaz built so strong It's because Mama Kaz Put together this Jolof And we also have

Ganon Jolof Yes Now the Ganon Jolof Is from From Aqua Restaurant No no no This is We have two versions of Ganon

Oh there's another one That's coming You thought I was going to Leave my ganas out With just one shot You thought Nigeria Was going to leave my Ghanas out with just one shot? You thought Nigeria was going to get two shots? Nah. Come on in, sweetheart.

I thought this was my people. My bad. No, no, no, no, no, no. Shit, they're running late. I had to go extra double. Thank you so much. You can just put it right there. See how I left the place for Ghana up first?

Yo, this is awesome. See how Ghana got the first option? Bro, this is like Thanksgiving at my house, bro. This is fantastic. Okay, so the Ghana Jolof. Is there rice? Is this two parts? No, there's the rice and there's the chicken.

Oh, what? You see how my Ghanas do? Wow. If y'all are watching on YouTube right now, YouTube.com slash D'Andre Schultz. Now, what I need you to do is slide over there right there. There is, yeah, just right outside the frame right there. Leave the microphone there just for a second.

We're going to talk to you guys in a second when we get to eating it. You can even have a seat back there if it's more comfy. So where are you from real quick so I know what it is? No, no, not where you're from. Where's the food from? You're a cook, no? What is the rest? YPK Cooks. YPK Cooks. At Instagram, what is the Instagram? YPK Cooks. YPK Cooks. I'm going to follow that right now. At Instagram, okay? Now, you might not want to follow it until you eat it. Google. Google.

But this is Ghana. Now, early on, I said, and shout out to all my Ghanans, okay? Shout out to all my Ghanans. Early on, I said. It makes me uncomfortable how much they look. Ghanans. It's Ghanans. That's how white people say it.

It's Ghanans. Ghanans know what I'm talking about, right? So what I said early on is that Ghana's got the best Jolof. Now, I know that for a fact without ever trying Jolof, just because I know how my Ghanans know what I'm talking about, right? So what I said early on is that Ghanans got the best jollof. Now, I know that for a fact without ever trying jollof, just because I know how my Ghanans do, okay? We're all overachievers. Now, look, all I want to say is this. I've seen Nigerians skimp on all the ingredients. Nigerians came through today.

They brought, I don't even know what type of Tupperware this is. First off, first off, first off, watch your mouth. Watch your mouth. The Senegalese one looked like Chinese food. I'm going to be honest with you. I don't even think it's, I think you just went to Chinese food. This kind of bullshit has Tupperware. The Ghana's came through with the double setup.

Oh my gosh. Separated the chicken and the rice. First off, first off, I didn't know what he was doing to go straight. Sam, this ready for the barbecue. Yeah, this is fact. This is buffet. Okay, that's why Ghana stays winning. You're not taking this back, right?

Because I'm bringing this all home. You know what they say. You know how us Ghanians say, we're Ghana forever. So it's all about we're Ghana forever. We're Ghana forever. You know what I'm saying? Whatever. We're Ghana forever.

You know how we do. Gang, gang. Oh, my God. Ghana, Ghana. Shout out to all my Ghanas, baby. I can't name one city In Ghana What is it? Accra

Accra There you go Yeah that's what That's like Accra The restaurant Yeah they're bringing They're running late Like most Africans

But you know They'll be here pretty soon It's not just Africans It's just me Maybe it's just me My bad Okay but we're not Going to get to that

Because we cannot Start the Ghana We cannot start the Garnet. We cannot start the Jolof without our Jolof judge. We have a very specific Jolof judge that is coming today. Yes. Okay? Someone that I feel very confident will be the perfect person to judge which African Jolof is truly the best. I thought this through.

Okay? It's Francis Sells. I'm not going to lie. I felt kind of disrespected when I came in there thinking I was. Is truly the best. I thought this through. Okay? It's Francis's. I'm not going to lie. I felt kind of disrespected when I came in there thinking I was going to be the judge. Fam, you are biased. You are Nigerian. He's Nigerian. He don't know. I'm Ghanaian. So it's like clearly a Ghanaian is going to want

the Ghanaian one. You want that one. It's not just Nigeria. It's my mama's Jolof. So like, you know, I might fight if somebody says something crazy about my mom's cooking. I'm going to keep it real. When we do the blind taste test, and again, this is going to be a blind taste test. When we do the blind taste test, you're not going to try your mom's.

Okay. Because that would be unfair. I know my mom's cooking from a mile away. Now, guys, don't walk in the frame just yet. Don't walk in the frame just yet, okay? Now, guys, do not walk in the frame just yet. Don't walk in the frame just yet, okay? Now, guys, do not walk in the frame just yet. Francis Ellis, okay, the guy who I think is perfectly qualified, a guy who I think is the true test to a Joloff, okay?

Wait for it. The guy, just by looking at him and talking to him, when you start talking to him, you're going to be like, this is a truly objective responder to the Joloff off. The man who is going to decide which African

cuisine is truly the best at the end of the day. Give it up for Francis Ellis, everybody. Come on in. Have a seat. Have on in. Bring it in, buddy. Okay. What's going on, bro? Have a seat.

Have a seat. Thank you. If there was ever a face of a colonizer, this guy would be it. Okay? Thank you so much for coming. Thank you for coming in. Thank you for leaving your tiki torch outside. I like it.

You seem like a dignified establishment. Okay. So, Francis, what we were going to do is talk a little shit and then get into the Jolof off. Great. But since you're here and we could start the Jolof off, I think we got to go right away. It's a blind taste test. The three of us are going to go first. Obviously, that means nothing.

Our votes don't count. What do we know? We don't know. Yeah, I'm biased. We're invested, okay? He's Nigerian. I'm cooked. You know what I mean?

I'm Nigerian. It smells really good. I'm excited. Yeah. I'm biased. We're invested, okay? He's Nigerian. My mom cooked. Mom made it. I'm Nigerian. It smells really good. I'm excited. Yeah. I'm surprised. You use seasoning in your cooking? No chance.

There's no mayonnaise available. You guys know. That's one of those jokes you guys like. You guys like that stuff. I had a feeling. Oh, I needed that. All right, this is going to be good. This is going to be good. This is going to be good.

You should have looked right at him and said, however the Mexican makes it. Okay. France is on the cover of Mein Kampf Weekly. This is crazy, dog. But listen, listen. Before you take over the world, you have to take over Africa. He taught us anything. Exactly.

Strategic planning. What's that game that nerds play with their family? Battleship? Risk. Risk. Yeah, yeah, exactly. They would know about this. That's the greatest game on Earth, man. It is, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what we do for fun. PTSD. Take over shit. That monopoly. That's a fun game for us. Mike Krzyzewski doesn't schedule UNC for the first game of the season. He schedules some team he knows.

Smart. Smart. He just said that West Africa is Murray State. I thought it was Wofford. I'm busting open. I'm busting it open right now. Hold on one second. We're busting it open right now.

That sure looks Mexican, bro. What, this one right here? The Senegal's? Yeah. Yo, why are you talking trash about Senegal? You even said a few episodes ago that Senegalese- It didn't look like that. Joe Loft, the shit I got.

Okay. Chef Prosper. Yeah. That's yours, Chef Prosper. No, you got yours as well? Prosper's is in here. The two tub boys are in there. Okay.

These are here. All right. This is Prosper's. Let's go. Take that right there. These two are Prosperous. This is my mom. I didn't talk on your moms. I talked on Prosperous. Woo!

This is Prosperous. This is your mom's. That looks fantastic. Okay, so we're going to do... Hold on one second. Hold on one second Now this This right here What is this? This is That's just chicken

Yeah Okay Well you usually need like a side Or like a stew Stop acting like y'all got food This motherfucker's talking about Usually Usually what?

Usually what? This is West Africa It's not like the fucked up Africa Like in the east Oh Okay Like more close to Our kids cost I mean this is Not as bad as like Oh, okay. Like more close to the... I thought part of it was Africa or free veg.

I mean, this is not as bad as like... The further east you go, the more like nubs and shit you see. Nubs! Conflict diamonds. Nubs! That's what... Motherfucking kids, nubs! Oh, you brought the stew also?

What's that right there, miss? That looks spicy. Black pepper. Oh, gosh, yeah. Francis! Did you bring some milk? Is this really spicy? What's that right there miss? Black pepper So here's the thing we're gonna go first and then just this is just fun with our eyelids Okay, so this was what's going to happen. You can even just use your eyelids, not even your hand. Visually, it's better.

You think you'll cheat? Okay. So I'm going to feed you. Okay. Straight to the mouth? Not even on a plate? It's not that you haven't been here before, bro. I'm just going to boil it over my head.

How do you usually get fed, dog? That's how you're going to get fed. Yes, homo. That was a personal thing. Okay, ready? Close the eyes, and then you're going to get fed. Yes, homo. That was a personal thing. Okay, ready? Close the eyes, and then we're going to do it. All right, all right. I'm picking a, and again, it's going to be rice, a little bit of chicken.

Okay. Okay? And listen. This is one out of ten, all right? This is one out of ten. There's a single bite. We're going to rip off Barstool's Pizza Challenge. Okay.

One bite. One bite. Okay? We're going to rip off Barstool's Pizza Challenge. Okay. One bite. One bite. Okay. For country, for people, I don't know. Here comes the airplane. Okay. Here comes the UN airplane. Bringing food as always to Africa.

Okay. I need a one to ten. Okay. Nice little spice, a little chicken to ten. Nice little spice. I'm going to give it a strong... It's good. I'm going to give it a six and a half, seven. Okay. Six and a half, seven.

I'll give it a seven. I'll grade up. That's fine. You don't have to grade up. It could be six and a half, but seven you gave it. Seven it is. That's what it's going to be. Okay. Eden, are you gave it. Seven it is. That's what it's going to be. Okay. Edwin, are you taking notes of what... Edwin, you're taking notes about what we're getting each one. Okay?

Okay. Am I still opening my mouth? No. Yeah, you're opening your mouth right now. Hold on. Okay. Here you go. Okay.

Take your time with that one. Take your time with that one. Take your time with that one. Take your time with that one and you decide, my friend. Okay? How? What order? I was going to say, what is that? I'll tell you in a second.

The spice hits a little later. With the one that you just tried? Yeah, it took a while for it to take over. Yeah, yeah Chicken was good chicken was good I'll give it a Ready Kaz I give that I give that a six. I give that a six.

I like the first one I had was good. This will be like a slightly. Here's the last one. Ready? All the way in. All right. All right, that is the last final one. The final one.

Kaz has just tried all three Jolofs. We need to know your final. So here's the thing, right? I know what the second one was, but this is fire. Like, this is good. That's the one? This is good. Okay, tell me what it is out of 10.

I give it an 8. So you have the second one you said was what? I know exactly what the second one was. The second one had to be Chef Prosper's Jollof. Right? Wow! Who cares? That Nigerian tongue. Yeah, like, you know, it wasn't...

Like, you know, you gotta get your ass beat a little bit more, bro. You didn't have mean Nigerian parents. Yeah, like, you know, you got to get your ass beat a little bit more, bro. Like, that didn't happen. Oh, you didn't have mean Nigerian parents. Yeah, like, you didn't have mean African parents. They would let you go be a chef. But the last one I had. Why don't you go engineer some cuisine, okay?

The last one was definitely the best. The last one was the best. Okay, the last one was from Akra. Ghana. Ghana. My people. All right. YPK cooks.

Okay. Can I take my hands off now? Take your hand off now. Okay. Okay. So the last one was the best. You said Solidate. Okay. That was it.

Now, I just want to point that out that you said the Ghana Jolof was the best. Better than your people. I got to admit, bro, that the Ganon Joloff was hitting, bro. Okay, Akash, eyes closed. All right. Okay, Kaz, you have to feed him. You pick any order, okay? All right, let's go.

Any order, one bite, okay? Eyes closed. This is weirdly intimate. This is weirdly intimate. Sensual, very nourishing. Yeah, yeah. There it is. Listen, you keep those eyes closed.

Keep that mouth open. I'm very uncomfortable right now. Huh? Just wait until someone starts shoving something between your lips. Now, open wide. Oh, God. I can tell that Akash's mouth is smaller than yours, so. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

That's not always small. It's not easy there. He's going to choke. It has to have some chicken involved in it. Akash, you eat chicken, right? Yes, correct. No beef. So, Prosper, I can't fuck with yours. Oh, is Prosper's a beef?

He told me it'd be a beef. Prosper's has some beef. You can avoid it. I want Cass to feed me too! We gotta get closer. Open up That one's fish Oh that one's fish? Yeah Oh that's why

Okay Oh yeah he's fine with that Yeah yeah yeah We eat the fuck out of goats Yeah It's just pig Thank you sweetheart Appreciate you telling

Go would have been way funnier If you saved it And she just decided To go to hell for the Jolof. That's good. I need one to ten? Seven. That's it. Seven. Okay. Now I need... Let me help you out here.

Okay, that's one to ten. That was a seven. Yeah. Now we're going another bite if Kazan spilled all over the fucking ground. It's all good. Let's go. Of one. Of one. Okay.

There you go. Okay. It's a lot. Just keep it open wide. Okay. You'd be telling me. Bro, chew. It's spinning all over the microphone.

It's my mic. Okay. Eight. That's good. That's eight. Okay. That's good. Second one is an eight.

Okay. Hold on one second. Let me help Kaz here. He's not really grasping the concept of add chicken to the bike. This is the third time I've had to help him do this. Yo, we got forks. You got any forks? Yeah.

Yeah, I think we need a little bit of help. Yeah, just get in there with your hands, dude. Come on, bro. Akash. Okay, Akash, you have one more piece left. Yeah. Okay. This last piece is very African, the way it was put together.

Okay? And go. Okay. Take it in. Take it in. Mm-hmm. Take it in. it in Take it in What are we thinking? Taking all those flavors Taking that struggle

That's like a six and a half, seven Wow Okay Man, there's shit all over Kaz's mouth Like that, son It's a blind taste, man like that, son! Game over, fucking! It's a blind taste, dude! D plus, son! Now you D plused her!

That's 0.5! You can open your eyes now. Why was it so trash? Yes. I like more spice. I'm just Indian. So you got some bland ass Jolof? That's why it's spicier. The spiciest one is my... The more spice, the more I like it. That's the sameof? That's not spicy. It wasn't that spicy. The spicy is one of my- all I really did was the more spicy the more like.

Yeah, that's the same thing with me. That one hit. Bring it on to your boy, let's go. My time. My time. Use Akasha's spoon. You feed him. Let's go.

I use this spoon. This one. And are you supposed to put some of that black powder on it? I'm not- Maybe we should. Don't do that. Don't do that for me. Don't do that. It's very spicy. Is it really spicy? I'm not... Maybe we should. No, don't do that. Don't do that for me.

Don't do that because it's very spicy. Is it really spicy? I can see. Okay, ready? Don't do that to me. Ready? Bye. Ready?

Okay, so right now I'm about to do the first one. Joloff Challenge. Francis, how is this culture? I feel someone's very close to me. Are you ready to feed me? Okay yeah How is it? Oh god damn you're alright bro

There you go bro You need some milk? Oh god. I can't stop salivating. Here, take some water. What did you guys put in it? Nothing. What do you mean? Is that just the regular one? That's just regular, yeah. There's no way that that was just regular.

Nah, that's just... Are you dead ass? No, dude, there's something. It's coming out of my... There's no way. I'm not going to lie. Am I bleeding? There's no way.

Am I bleeding, dude? No, you're fine. You're fine. It's called spice, bro. Did you put something extra on it? There's nothing extra. There was something wet about it. There was nothing wet? What are you talking about?

If he's having this much trouble, I'm going to have a lot of trouble. And I just started being able to eat... Which one was that one? Hold your eyes. We're getting the next one. We're getting the next one. Don't worry. What's the number? Give me one to ten. I don't even know if I'm tasting anything. I'm not even sure if I swallowed it, dude. That's really intense.

Just keep your ass full. My whole mouth is on fire right now and my nose is bleeding. I'm 100% sure my nose is bleeding. No, no, you're good. I'm not bleeding right now? You're not bleeding, but you're fine. Oh my god. And get me a tissue or something like that, dude. I really think I- You're good. You're good.

Alright, go. Hold on, let me cleanse my palate. That was a good idea, good idea. Oh my God, that one was really good. I'd give that one definitely a 10. A 10? No, I couldn't taste it at all. It was so hot. No, but that one was really good.

I give that one a eight. I give that one an eight. Eight. Eight and a half, that was so good. Eight and a half. Okay, go. All right, all right. Here's number two, Here's number two.

Okay. Keep it wide open, wide open. Come on, guy, come on, guy. No, there's a little meat, there's a little meat on this. Pause. There's big meat on this. Open your mouth. There you go.

Munch on it, munch on it. Let it swirl around a little bit. Let it swirl around a little bit. Let's swirl around. Is this what you guys were eating? Is this what you guys were eating? Yes. That's the same thing you guys were eating the whole time? It's the same shit, bro.

I need water. I got, I got, I need water, bro. There's no way. Shit bro Is it blood or no? No blood relax Is it blood or no? I'm bleeding, I feel like I'm bleeding. There's no blood bro, relax. Oh my god dude, it's in my neck. I can feel it in my fucking neck man. What was that one? What country was that from? No, you did not guess. Give it a run.

It's sending! It's sending! Oh my god! Give me some juice! Give me some juice or something like that. It's Take a water, man. I don't want to. I fucking... Oh, my God, dude. Are you the number eight spicy food in your life, though? Holy shit. I can't feel my pinky, bro. There's no way. I can't feel my fucking pinky, dude.

Is this what all white people go through? There's no way. Oh, man. There's no way. Oh, my God, dude. Please, I don't even want to try the last one, dude. You got to. You got to now.

You didn't know that it's spicy, son? I heard the last one's fire. Oh, that's why. All right, let's go. Let's get this thermal. I would really prefer not to do that. All right, keep your eyes closed, all right? Keep the thermal, okay?

Oh, my God. All right. Small bite, guys. Small bite. Small bite. Small bite small bite small bite. Okay Come on man, I gotta take my shirt. I gotta take my jacket off Come on man. I gotta take my shirt off. I gotta take my jacket off. Keep your eyes wide open.

Shut. I'll take my jacket off dude. There's no way it's that hot bro. There's no way. Alright keep your eyes wide open. Where's the napkin just in case I have to throw it up? It's right here. Alright. I don't like how close Akash is. I can't speed you. You're good. Okay. Okay. All right. I don't like how close our cautious No, cuz I that one going in.

I felt that one going in. That one was wet. That was definitely a wet one. That must have had something on it. What were you guys doing? Oh, you guys were poisoning me. I see. That's the funny joke.

It's trying to murder your friend. Is that the funny joke. It's trying to murder your friend. Is that the funny joke? I gotta try it, though. I gotta try it. Is that how much you put it right there? That's the meat. The real talk, that one was all... That was all pepper. But before that, it was like

drops, dog. Can I tell you something? YPK, this is why you don't trust Nigerians. No, no. Your whole life you knew not to trust them, and this is why. Okay? This is why, because they're jealous that our Jolof is better. They're jealous of us, okay?

I can't even talk. I think my tongue is swollen. Is it right there? Yeah, I got it. How much did you guys pay? The can't even talk. I think my tongue is swollen. Is it right there? Yeah, I got it. How much did you guys? The last one was OD. But the first two. I probably put this much up.

The first two was just like a little drop. The first one was good. I could do the first one. The first one was fire. But it just got more and more wet. And I was like, I don't think it's it. All right. Yeah, pass that real quick.

Okay. Wait, hold on. I actually need to know which one was which for him. Well, mine doesn't count because I didn't get a real taste test. Yes, you did. No, I didn't. All right, the last one was OD. Last one was OD.

All right, let's have the real judge go. Okay. All right. All right. Can I just stick my spoon in here? I want to see what you're freaking out about. Please. I did the same thing, so.

Because maybe I didn't get enough pepper on the last bite, and that last bite wasn't enough. Right. It's actually kind of hitting, to be honest with you. Here we go. This one should be hot. Okay. Ready?

Oh, this should hit him. He's right. No, I just tried the hot sauce. Okay. I'm telling you, it would be like, I'll just tell you right now. Yeah. Guys. I guess it would be funny to do that whole gig again.

Yeah. But it would probably be better for the podcast if we didn't do it to me. Why? I'm just telling you. Why? I don't handle spice well. I don't do it very well. And maybe I'm setting myself up. It's not bad, bro.

It's actually really good. I just tried it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. Ready? And start again. Give them the real taste test. I don't trust you guys at all. No, we won't fuck tried it. I'm not gonna do it. Ready? And start again. Give him the real taste test. I don't trust you guys at all.

No, we won't fuck with you. We won't fuck with you. Guess. You're a guess, bro. I could've slapped it actually. That shit is good as fuck, bro. Man, are you crazy, Doug? Alright, alright, alright. Ready? Yup. Here we go. Okay, we're gonna do Joloff Challenge.

Okay? Hold on. Joloff Challenge for Francis Ellis. Yeah, pass that shit over here, bro. Okay? Number one. Hold on. I swear to you, there's nothing on that. No pepper on that.

Now, what you guys have to do is, while I'm feeding him, you have to talk so the people listening at home are entertained. Kaz is still trying to eat. I'm sorry, this shit is dumb good. There's a lot of flavor in that. Out of 10, what do you give it? I like that.

Unfortunately, I can taste the fish. Okay. I know which one it is, but I'll just... I'm still a 1 to 10. I would say I like that like a 7.5, 7.6. 7.6. Solid, solid. I like the exact measurement.

Andrew coming in with it. Let's go. Kaz and I have been eating this pepper this whole time, and honestly, we're fine. Solid, solid. I like the exact measurement. Andrew coming in with it. Kaz and I have been eating this pepper this whole time, and honestly, we're fine. Sincerely. That one's a little sweeter. Oh, interesting. It's got a little bit more of a saccharine type. Saccharine?

You talking about stevia or whatever it's called? Sure. It's like yes or whatever. Yeah. I like that one a little more i would say i'm gonna go 8.2 i'm not racist not this guy last one that's adorable this is really adorable it's like uh like a diversity program they both entered it really really is. If I get all my white friends to have it. That one's my favorite. Now, guys, keep in mind, the winner of this, before you decide, the winner of this, we are sponsoring a well in there. No, I'm just kidding.

What? What? Just kidding. Okay. A very, never mind. I'm going to make it even worse. Okay, now, it's worse. Okay, now. Now, it's up to you right now.

Yeah. You've tried... What is the score for the last one? I thought the last one was the best. And I'm a little biased because that one was still pretty warm. Right. Yeah. And I think that that definitely helped it. But the last one I really liked a lot.

I would say, like, I'm going to go as high as, like, a nine. Ooh! See? PK Cooks, my goddess. YPK. YPK Cooks, my goddess sister. Let's go. Is that one, that's the one? That was that one, yeah.

That one was good. Now, YPK, what's your name? Oh, that's the whole name? Oh, so it's your restaurant. Just the letter. Pinamay Quartin. Okay, say it again. Ya Pinamay Quartin. Ya Pinamay Quartin.

Ya Pinamay Quartin. Oh, yeah. Okay. That's a very common name, by the way. So now here's the thing, right? So here's the thing. YPK. I'm like sweating, bro.

Since you won. Good sweat. Okay. What we have to do now as a podcast, this is what the real winner does. We have to learn a Gan a podcast this is the what the real winner does we have to learn a gone in dance okay yes do you know any gone and dances okay now we're not gonna do it on this episode because i want us to get it down and we're gonna really get the choreography with it and it's gonna go down so you can be the one that teaches us if you like okay yp YPK Cooks, thank you so much.

Thank you. Chef Prosper to God. Thank you so much. Mama Cash, thank you. Thank you so much. And one more time, shouts to Ghana, yo.

Shouts to Ghana, my people. Yo, I'm a fair man, yo. Ghana, the Ghana joff was hitting the hardest today, bro. Champion of the 2019 Joloff Off, Ghana.

We'll see what happens next year alright y'all might have a choice now what we're not gonna do is Cass's people as always

so you're sweating I know when I eat spicy food I sweat you pussy bro pussy ass Indian song about not gonna make me sweat

you are dripping sweat so I sweat yeah what's wrong with you huh sweat bro come on son I'm gonna go for a jog one. I sweat. Yeah, what's wrong with you? Come on, son. I was going for a jog one time. I sweat. That's the Salon Guineas one.

Oh, this is, what is it? The Salon Guineas one. The Senegalese restaurant. Yeah, turn around. Did they make you pay for it? Yes. So they're not getting a plug. Big fact.

Also, they lost. Yeah, we don't want to do that. But real talk, thank you all so much for being a part of this and doing this. This is already my favorite episode. YPK, you can obviously hang out if you want. You can also go, but we'll get in touch with you so we can learn that dance because we're coming through. I'm talking about we got to wear the outfit.

Kaz has got to sell out his whole nation and support Ghana. We neighbors. Oh, now it's we neighbors. Now it so I mean, yeah. Oh, now is we neighbors, huh? Now is we neighbors. Listen. This guy's amazing. Nigeria likes a neighbor that always steals your stuff, right? Look, I'm already lawnmower real quick.

Listen, Ghana Jollof is just like Nigerian Jollof with like some. Oh, shit. All they did was take what we was already doing and put some fire shit on. That's all they did. Wow. Is that true? Am I lying? Am I lying?

All right, YPK, we're going to figure out the next one. All right. But what we're not going to do... This shit is hitting. Kaz. Thank you. Kaz. So what we're not going to do is eat during the podcast.

So put that shit away. Okay, finish it up. Finish it up. Y'all got it. Hold on. I'm going to finish it. Finish the... Take the fucking plate. No, finish it up. Finish it up. Y'all got it. Hold on. I'm finishing it. Yo. Finish the...

Take the fucking plate. No, I'm serious. Nobody want to listen to you eat, bro. Come on. Let's go. I'm sorry. We can eat later. Absolutely, we can eat later.

A lot of shit to talk about. All right, let's get to it, bro. Right? Just to put this. Okay. No, we have other shit to talk about. Oh, other shit. All right, fuck.

Yo, thank you so much. Thank you. Okay. Francis. Yeah, thank you so much. Thank you. Okay. Francis. Yeah. Thank you very much for coming. You know me. Thrilled to be here.

Oh, yeah. I appreciate you coming down. Yeah. You know I'm a big fan. Yeah, we're- I support- Guys, come on, yo. We're here.

We're here. Come on, yo. Let's bring it back. Let's bring it back, guys. So, I support what you guys do. I really love the morning show you do with Willie and Large. I's bring it back. Let's bring it back, guys. So I support what you guys do. I really love the morning show you do with Willie and Large. I've never met Large, so I can't vouch for him in person. But over the phone, he was very funny on a call.

Yeah, he's great. You guys can listen to it every day of the week. Sirius. 7 to 9 a.m. on Sirius. Also reposted on Barstool. I think we do like a post-show thing, but yeah, it's mostly on the SiriusXM app. Okay, check out SiriusXM app.

Thank you for being here. I'm excited for you to be as we start to talk about some sports and other things. Before we get into sports, there's something that I realized over the weekend. I was having a conversation with this art dealer from Sotheby's.

Right. Must be nice. Great life. The wealth jumped out just now, bro. Real wealth, right? Real wealth. The real wealth.

Okay. And I'm asking, I'm like, the people that pay all this money for art, they can't really give a fuck about art, right? Like, what's the real deal

behind it, right? So, what's the real deal behind it, right? So what was that? Flex. Okay, I thought it was flex, okay? That was my initial thing, right? It's a good investment. Investment. He goes, this is what it is.

He goes, you buy an apartment, right? That's an asset, increases in value. Pretty nice, right? Let's say you get in trouble and you got to leave the country. Can you take your apartment? Let's say your country doesn't have that stable an economy and the money that you – the currency from that country could dip it. The dollar value. Well, whatever your currency is could dip in a heartbeat.

The real estate market could dip in a heartbeat. It could be invaded by another country, right? And you got to get out of there. Everything that you own in that country is worth dog shit. You know what it's not? Your Basquiat. You know what you can package and put on a fucking plane? Your Basquiat.

You know what you can't take out of China? $20 million cash. You know what you can? Some painting. That's just going in your fucking luggage. It's a diamond. That's the reason why these people buy diamonds. It's not about putting it on your wife's necklace.

It's putting it in a Swiss bank just in case some shit goes wrong. You have $60 million just sitting there, right? So I'm like, oh, that's what this shit is about. I ask this guy. Finance dude who's hanging out with him. Again, big money I'm spending.

Very wealthy. Big money. Okay. Big money. So I asked this guy hanging out with him. I'm like, yeah, but it's not like a real asset. It just matters like what people believe it is. He goes, yeah, but like what's a real asset?

I go, I don't know. What do you think a real asset is? He goes, if we're being honest, there's only one, water. Yeah. He says that shit and i start spinning and it's like oh my god water is the only real asset he goes and you want to know something crazy we've been supporting the value of water the government has been subsidizing it for a long time so this bottle of water that's worth a dollar actually not worth a dollar it's worth way more because we're running out of water but the government's just subsidizing it for a long time. So this bottle of water that's worth a dollar, actually not worth a dollar. It's worth way more because we're running out of water. But the government's just subsidizing it.

We're going to clean your water. We're going to do whatever you need for it. So he goes, they say in 20, 30 years, there's going to be like this water scarcity problem and water is going to skyrocket. And I sit there for a second. I'm like, holy shit. Bill Gates is a fucking scumbag. And I sit there for a second.

I'm like, holy shit. Bill Gates is a fucking scumbag. Right now, Bill Gates is trying to turn our shit into water. And he's getting all these pats on the back because it's like, look what he's doing. He's going to Africa. He's finding a way to take this, you know, our manure and all this horrible non-potable water and make it drinkable. Everybody's going, what a humanitarian this guy is. No. it drinkable yeah everybody's going what a humanitarian this guy is no he's a fucking sociopath and he knows that water is done in 20 years and who's

gonna have value the people that have the mechanisms to turn the shitty water into drinkable water and he's gonna have the fucking patent on it is he patenting it though absolutely this is yeah 100% I mean watching 20 just watch this shit on it. Is he patenting it, though? Absolutely. This is. 100%. Just watch this shit happen in 20 years. Like, any sort of water. Not just running water. Do you guys remember the Big Short? Yes! I was thinking about that the whole time you were talking.

What happened in the last scene of Big Short? So the guy who saw the entire financial collapse coming, he was the one that made all the investments in buying up these shitty bonds or whatever and then selling them or whatever it was. Shorting the fault swaps. Yeah. Come on.

We got Francis here. At the end, they said his new investment, the thing he says to invest in is water. He stopped. He got out of the game. The only thing he's doing is investing in these little water situations, water companies. So I think that's my guess about Bill Gates. And here's the thing. I don't mind that Bill Gates did it, does it?

What I mind is right now he's taking the pats on the back. If he was like, hey, I'm looking at water down the line. I think it's going to be scarce, and I just want to hedge my bets with it. Okay, cool. But the fact that you're like, I'm a hero. Talk through this with me. Go. Hasn't he agreed to donate 99% of his wealth when he dies? When he dies? Yeah.

He's given away over $30 billion as part of the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation already. He's like a humongous, probably the biggest benefactor in the world. So I'm not saying even if it's like a sociopath and all he wants is power and he just wants to be like, yo, I got that. Even if I'm going to donate the money after, I guess I can see that. But that's the one thing where it doesn't necessarily connect with me is he's like a sociopath and all he wants is power and he just wants to be like, yo, I got that. Even if I'm going to donate the money after, I guess I could see that. But that's the one thing where it doesn't necessarily connect with me is he's donated so much money already.

He's already said, I'm leaving my kids X number of million each and the rest I'm donating. All right, fine. Maybe he's a nice guy. I'm about to say, look how quick I jump off. All right, he's a sweetheart. You know what I mean? What's so bad about that? I don't see anything

wrong with that no but investing in water scares me it's one of these things that i was thinking about today all these issues and like i assume we'll figure it out but there's a lot of shit coming like the fact that we just won't have water is pretty fucking crazy alex carries in a gallon a day that's imagine that gallon costs 60 bucks and it will because that's really the only thing we need to live, right? Like, you can find enough shit to eat hanging from a tree. Water and land. Yeah.

That's the only thing we need. Land? You know, like, you figure it out. We need land. You could build a boat. We need land. Have you seen the projections for land in 50 years? No, I wasn't saying.

And the rising sea levels? Oh, there won't be? Ah. Yeah, massive parts of India that'll be underground, underwater. Indonesia, Jakarta. I mean, it's crazy. Jesus Christ. Humongous, tens and tens of millions of people displaced.

So basically water comes up, way less land. Now land is scarce and it's about to go down. I think so. Yeah. I think we're ignoring a lot right now. We're like at the point, we're past the point of no return. Yeah, but it's not going to affect us until that shit hits a place where we want to party. Nobody cares about Jakarta.

Yeah, exactly. You know, Cancun, when they're like, you can't do spring break this year. When it's spring break Arkansas, it's like, fuck fuck we might have to stop using plastic god damn where's that place Trump always be starts with an M Mar-a-Lago when that shit is

underwater when it's just Lago I mean that's one of the few things that like scares me in life like not

not necessarily like fucking psychopaths with like nukes and shit like that and fucking cause you know people are people

when we run out of shit when we run out of shit and there's just nothing left. Nobody in a million years believes that they're going to be the last people. Yeah. Or the last fucking... Somebody's going to be... And you know the beauty of that?

Is that then we're going to see how silly this whole right wing, left wing thing is. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Then there's just one group. Global warming and aliens are the one thing that's gonna unite us dead ass we need aliens robots we need aliens or robots we gotta have something to fight yeah like we gotta unite as like a people one day like once those motherfuckers come over here with the beams and shit and start shooting shit up yeah independence day yeah yeah yeah it was uh it was it was like a it was an interesting conversation

with this with this art dealer guy were. Were you trying to purchase art? No. You were just sort of hanging out? I just wanted to understand it. I was just hanging out with another buddy of mine. He was there. And I just wanted to understand it. I was like, there's no way they care $60 million about art.

Nothing could make you feel $60 million worth of happiness just looking. Right? Just having it there. I always, like Akash said always thought it was a flex. This is how I impress my rich friends. It's just like a wife that you hang on the wall. You know what I mean?

That's what I assumed it was. You hang on the wall. Like that young hot chick. It never ages. It's actually the best version of a wife. That's what they want. but then it comes with them. But imagine your young hot chick was just in your house. Quiet.

Quiet. Walk people in like, yo, there's my young hot chick. And they're like, oh, sick, you know? Like, that was so cool that, you know, nice to meet you. I have a painting of a lobster boat, and there's a dog at the end. And the lobstermen are pulling up traps at the end of the day. The title of the painting

is End of Day. Yeah. And I grew up in Maine on the coast. There were lots of lobster boats and buoys and whatnot

and every time when I come home and I turn on my lights and it hits the painting it gives me peace. Really? I didn't know that's where we were going with this.

I didn't know I wanted to laugh at him. I was like, what do I do with this? I can't let this man drown in his story. You guys didn't see that shit coming. Yeah. All right. Wow. I think he was just...

This was your end of day. I'm so glad that was a podcast moment because if that happened in real life, I'd just be like, all right. Actually,

I think there's, must be nice, bro. I think there's something, I think there's something funny about like continually adding more unrelatable elements to a story.

Like, right, you said, I have a painting 30% of people check out. Like, I don't know what the fuck. I grew up in Maine.

I grew up in Maine, and there was a lobster boat, and they're bringing up the traps. As long as it's not a lobster boat, I was like, all right. How do you get lobsters? How the fuck do you get lobsters? I'll tell you, though. Later tonight, you guys are going to think back on that image of the painting. Maybe we'll have a group chat going. I will send you a picture, and we're all going to breathe a little deeper as we look at the painting.

I promise you that. I want this group chat to happen so you can see how unaffected all of us are. Exactly. The most you'll get is the double tap on the group chat, like the thumbs up. You won't get a question, but I'll answer for those. That's my water. Sure. So there was a monumental moment I saw on Instagram yesterday that I posted.

And there's a picture taken with Steve Nash, Dirk Nowitzki, and Michael Finley. And for the first time that I've seen in my life, a white man has aged better than a black man. Okay? And like wildly so. Well, you know why though? Because he has a black wife. There you go. Black wife, long life.

Yeah. Black wife, long life. White wife, lots of stripes. Lots of stripes. I don't know. Get the neck. Get the neck. Shout out to OJ.

Or she will. Shout out to OJ You about to see You want to see him 40 times You want your kids to have these elite genetics You want to see where that came from You think when they were running away They're're like, he's got to catch it. There's no way. And you're by the runner.

What's the point? Why was Nicole running at that point? I'm like, come on, it's a Hall of Famer. That's it. You got to meet him at the line. You know what I mean? Before they get, you know, somebody. No chance.

Can't let him get downhill. Can't stop OJ going downhill. Once he picked up a head of steam, it was just unstoppable at that point. You know what is wild? Nobody's mentioned this. The dude didn't try to save her at all. No.

He didn't step to OJ. They both just ran, right? I don't know the story, except that he killed him. I saw the photos, and it was like a stream of blood. Did it happen on the doorstep of the house? Oh, and then they ran after getting. Maybe. I'm not really sure.

That's what I thought. I thought he opened the door. I don't want to speak out of turn. Maybe. That's what I thought, though. Okay. Maybe it happened there. I'm out.

I'm out. You're not outrunning OJ. No. Not even washed up OJ. No, no, no, no. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out.

100% I'm out. Yeah. This is a challenge I've issued to OJ. If it were Rice right now, I would dust him. You think you up OJ. No, no, no, no. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. 100% I'm out. Yeah. This is a challenge I've issued to OJ. If it were race right now, I would dust him. You think you got OJ? I would fucking dust him. Now, at this age. We can run the same distance, but I want to start five yards ahead so I know what I'm

running for. Yeah. And I would dust him. Yeah, there's no way. So even it out, you got to replay murder rage into OJ, because that's how fast he's going. It's not just like, there's running for a competition, and then it's like, yo, I want to kill you. Yes. Rage.

OJ got mad at CGE. That shit probably just happened randomly. He might hit a 4-6 on you, bro. Nah, bro. Arthritic. He's done. Yo, I issued a challenge. OJ, you out there?

OJ's just kind of chilling right now, no? That's right. No, he's doing his thing. He's making his money in Florida. What. I issued a challenge. O.J., you out there? O.J.'s just kind of chilling right now, no? That's right. No, he's doing his thing. He's making his money in Florida. What is he doing? Whatever. Just appearances and that kind of shit. He also has money from the NFL, right?

You get a... Like a pension, right? You get a pension plan, yeah. So I think he's living off that. But... He wasn't like ineligible for that? No. For certain reasons?

No, because he's not guilty. Yeah, but he went to jail. Yeah. For the memorabilia shit. Beating somebody up. Violent crime. Oh, I thought it was just taking his memorabilia. Yeah, he wants to go steal his own stuff back, right?

Yeah, he beat the shit out of the guy who... Who stole his stuff. Who had his... But the guy didn't steal his memorabilia, right? I thought he bought it from him. I mean, we are all a little foggy on these details. I feel like... That's okay.

Anyway, Michael Finley's aging like shit. It is so bad. You could see that coming even when he was in the NBA. He did have a bit of an old face to him. He had an old man. He was like 40 for like 60 years. Bro, it is bad. He came into the league looking like the

washed version of Brian McKnight. He has a swollen look. He has a Very swollen face Droopy face Yeah I said on IG He looks like a detective So funny

And detectives do not age well Nah Like when you see a detective In anything It is just a lot of years Of like Stress and coffee Missing kids

He looked like a detective today Yes Exactly Does he have the The rolls The really big Oh yeah he had those as a rookie. Oh, I don't know.

Yeah, he's got the worry lines, like those things. It ceases to just be lines, and all of a sudden they become these engorged rolls. They're like small hot dogs. Yeah. He looks like a Sharpie or Sharpay. What's that dog that's just full of rolls? Exactly. Sharpay.

Yes, Sharpay would be a good one. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, he's doing it, and Dirk is just fucking glowing, man. It's truly amazing to see. And I thought it was a. You can tell he's like, he ran out of fucks to give years ago. Who? Dirk.

Dirk's the guy that started the sit at the podium and then pull the mic out of the thing and then hold it. Yeah. That's just laid back Dirk. It was actually, that's when the Mavericks started doing much better. He suddenly just got much more laid back about everything. He started that? Yeah.

Everybody used to sit up at the podium. Lean into it. Then I remember the year the Mavericks won, I was like, Dirk just pulls that shit out, and he just leans back. He's like, yeah, you know. He just has the answer, and that's it. Once he won that title in Miami,

he just got this sudden cool factor about him. You know what I mean? When they went to fucking live on Sunday with Mark Cuban with the fucking trophy and shit, they were popping bottles on the shit and taking pictures. You know what his turning point really was, I think? I got this from the ticket. Do you remember when he dated that girl? He was engaged to that girl.

Turned out to be a stripper that was stealing all his money. That ugly-ass chick. Ugly-ass chick. I think after that, it was just something different and dirt. Where it's like alright I don't give a fuck about any of this anymore like not

I don't care but like you can't hurt me anymore like I'm good I'm fine but that was an interesting story about an athlete where a woman you know

they had this horrible run in and then everybody felt bad for him yeah as opposed to having any ill judgment towards him

based on his relationship. What do you mean by that? Meaning, I would say like 95% of the time when a relationship with an athlete goes wrong, we have some bad opinion of the athlete. Yeah, but this girl was like in jail.

Like, think about whether it's because there was a hint of domestic abuse or cheating or... Hold on. Think about whether it's because there was a hint of domestic abuse or cheating. Hold on. A sprinkle of domestic violence. Define a hint of domestic abuse. What is a hint? What is a pinch? It wasn't proven.

It was an allegation. But everyone assumed that was what was going on. Right, right. A picture with a bruise. Like the Kobe scandal, right? It's like, okay, yeah, he was acquitted. There was a settlement out of court. But it had to be called out. Yeah. scandal right it's like okay yeah he was acquitted there was a settlement out of court but yeah i

mean like did we ever find out whose cum was on her panties there was like seven different it was a lot of different mad call and i know that's the go-to like excuse like when anybody you know accuses you of rape like your your people start going yeah but she's a whore right you know um which i never understood because I feel like a whore would know the difference between consensual sex and rape

like if I I didn't give you consensual a lot of people if I was a whore it's like yo I take dick like that's white work they'd also know

the difference between like janitor dick and like Kobe dick facts you know we're not doing like hotel lobby dick that black mama it's like yeah

but the irony that she was washing everything in that room but her panties that were full of cum. Yeah. Right? Like just throw that shit in the laundry load.

You work at a hotel. You have access to the best cleaners. You didn't think at one point you're like, oh, I should probably take these panties.

Okay, back to the hint though. Well, by the way, I've seen that facility that once was the hotel of Driven By It in Colorado. Really? It's now a rehab facility. No way. Yeah. seen that facility that once was the hotel. I've driven by it in Colorado. Really? It's now a rehab facility. No way.

Yeah. It looks really nice. Hold on. What do you mean? The hotel turned into a rehab? Yeah, they turned it into a big place for people to send their horrible children that have done poorly or whatever. Really? That have had troubles with substances.

Getting raped by Kobe? Yeah. Where is it again? In Colorado. It's in Vail. Oh, okay. Right next to Vail. Okay, so you're saying usually we blame the athlete for a relationship gone awry.

I mean, I would say, you know, you've got the big athlete. Can you name an NFL case where there was a news headline about an NFL athlete where he had a falling out with his wife or girlfriend where we were like, oh, the poor guy. Well, those always are, again, domestic abuse allegations or infidelity allegations, which are always on the guy. Right. Difference is this time, the girl was thrown in jail. We realized the girl was a liar. She was stealing from him, whatever.

Right. So that was like, the allegations are all on her. But he's saying, can you name one? But I will say an athlete that's not an NFL player, Mike Tyson. Really? Mike Tyson. Nobody likes Robin Givens's not an NFL player, Mike Tyson. Really? Mike Tyson. Nobody likes Robin Givens. Forever.

What? Oh, I disagree. I disagree. What? It was rough on Mike, too. No, no, no. This guy has too much Joloff. You really think that we were blaming Robin Givens over crazy Mike Tyson?

I don't think at the time, but I think now everybody... No. What the fuck are you talking about? No, there's an Andre 3K lyric. I hope you more like so-and-so than Robin Givens. How many people did Robin Givens

bite their ear off? Fam, Robin Givens on an interview just saying he beats me in front of Oprah and then Mike just sitting there like... Because he beat her!

Go to the cops, don't go to fucking Oprah and all of a sudden ambush him. Oprah's better! She did go to the cops. He did jail time fucking Oprah and all of a sudden ambush him. Oprah's better! I'm like, he did, he did go, she did go to the cops.

He like did jail time for this. He did two, he did two or three years. Yeah. Well, he did the three years for the rape shit. The rape,

yeah. Yeah, yeah, but that wasn't of Robin Gibbons. Right, right, right. That's the hilarious

Patrice O'Neal joke. Have you heard that Patrice O'Neal joke? I have not. Where he talks about the girl accused Mike Tyson of raping her and then he looked

at the details and she said that he raped me by eating my pussy. And he's like, how you eat a pussy rapey? Aggressive cunnilingus. He said no rapist wants to make you feel wonderful. The goat. The fucking goat.

Anyway, so it is rare. I think that your point holds up. Usually we blame the athlete or the more wealthy person in any breakup. Yeah, and you could even boil it down to like, okay, it's a lot easier to blame somebody who is 270 pounds of pure muscle versus some diminutive woman in a case. versus some diminutive woman in a case. Obviously, those optics aren't great, but that was a time with Dirk where everyone... Oh, another one would be Dwayne Wade and his ex-wife. Go.

He got full custody of all three boys, wrote a book about it, and then married Gabrielle Union, who is now co-parenting his kids together. They got commercials together. And they have this nuclear family vibe. And meanwhile, the mother of his children is disgraced. And nobody knows where she is.

Everyone fucking hates her. So why do you think this happens? Well, it depends on the athlete, to be honest. Like, how bad do we like you? True, but what's your take on it? What do you think? I mean, it's tough. Go, say it.

Like, I would rather, honestly, I'd rather hear your opinion about it. No, no, no, say it. I think it probably comes down to race things. It definitely comes down to race. It comes down to the nature of the sport, right? Like, in football, we're more likely to believe that a football player did something horrible than a fucking the basketball soccer player golfer Yeah, or some shit or a tennis player. Yeah that Cristiano Ronaldo caught a rape allegation horrible rape allegation and in America We didn't give a fan not only do not give like the next game after he scores a goal. He's just

Busting his hands on his pelvis back and forth multiple times. Ronaldo, Messi, they've all been caught in these horrible attacks. I mean, it's not with women, but like the tax evasion stuff. That's some Spanish shit, though. Yeah. Even fucking Lil' Tink Tink that shot his wife or whatever. Oh, Blade Runner. Yeah, Blade Runner.

Lil' Tink Tink. We were fucking. I forgot it. That's a Cat Williams. That's a Cat Williams. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dog, even then, I didn't even really believe him. I'm like, this guy's got no legs. What happened? Until the's a Cat Williams. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, even then, like, I didn't even really believe him. I'm like,

this guy's got no legs. What happened? Until like the details came, I was like, oh yeah. But he said that he thought someone was breaking in. Yeah. And I don't know.

She was locked in his bathroom. But if you were breaking into someone's house and they had a gun, like you're going to go behind a door. First of all, if he shoots the gun,

does he just fly backwards? Because he's on his stumps? Like, he got no traction whatsoever. You know, like, you could grab the wood with your toes a little bit. You gotta have a good stance to shoot a gun. Dude, I would love to see them recreate that. He takes one shot and just flies into the fucking wall, dude. Like, he just got hit by a hadouken.

I'd say more as, like, the recoil of the gun would be like a tuning fork effect where it would go down. You know what I mean? It'd take him a while before he could shake it steady. Yo! Dude, that's how he's got to tune a fucking guitar.

He slaps his leg. Twist it on the top of him. No, it's C-sharp. It's not a C-junct. Oh, my God. Nobody talks about that, man. That Pistorius, dude. We got to look at those prison... He got convicted, right?

He's in jail? Yeah, he got convicted. Yeah, but like... He did get convicted. I don't know. They put him back in jail, but does he get to have prison spatulas? What is he using?

The sporks? The sporks? They got to give him something because he can't stump around prison. No. Right. Or does he give him a chair? I think the sporks are just for athletic competition. Oh, he probably gets a chair. So he probably gets a chair.

Hey, man, if I'm in jail, I want a chair. So you keep that butt close. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep it tight. Keep it tight. Very tight. Yeah. Dude. I mean, he's... Oh, yeah, yeah. Keep it tight. Keep it tight. Very tight. Yeah. Dude.

I mean, he's, oh, man, poor guy is just like, poor, he killed his wife. We don't know that. His girlfriend. No, he for sure killed her. You guys heard Jim Jeffries bit about that? No. Oh, that's the best, like one of the best things I've ever heard. What is it? He goes, Oscar Pistorius killed, earlier this year, shot and killed the hottest woman alive.

And I, for one, was happy about it. Because hot women have been having it too good for too long. And then he goes on this whole long bit about it. I mean, it's really unbelievable. It does a lot of the leg stuff. It's just, you gotta check it out. Did they ever get into what the argument was that caused the shooting? No,

no. I don't know a whole lot about it. Do you think it probably went something like, hey, I think she's like, I've had another argument. I'm going to get a pedicure.

And he was like, what? Going to get a what? She probably did some wild petty shit and shoved her off the bed like, fuck you. And she's just wiggling around and shit because the shit's come off.

He doesn't sleep with the sporks. That's the funniest part. She was probably laughing at him as they were fighting and he was trying to search for his legs. He was like, bitch, if you don't... Putting his legs on and shit. Trying to get up.

That's why I don't believe it was Robbers. Because Robbers sees a motherfucker crawling on his belly trying to get his legs and be like, all right, just step over the guy. Let's get out of here. Yeah, we're good. Take what you need. Keep it moving. Goddamn.

Yeah, it is interesting with how we look at the athletes and how we convict them before they even are. But I think Dirk benefited not maybe only from being white, but from being clueless. I think that there's like a little Borat syndrome that happens with foreigners where we assume they don't know better. So when we find out that he was dating the stripper, we're like, oh, it's some goofy German guy. They don't know about strippers. They don't know about hustlers. She also had a history of scamming a lot of people. She was like wanted or something like that.

And her mugshot didn't help either. Her mugshot was terrible. And she was ugly. That's another thing. She was rough looking. I was like, yeah. She also had a history of scamming a lot of people. She was wanted or something like that. And her mugshot didn't help either. Her mugshot was terrible. And she was ugly. That's another thing. She was rough looking. I was like, damn. So she had it all with Dirk. She was going.

She had everything she could have fucking dreamed of. Best thing that ever could have happened to Dirk. Now he got this fine ass wife. Yeah, brings him the fucking leftovers. That's when we started to love Dirk. For a while, Dirk was like a walking punchline. Fucking blew it against the We Believe Warriors and shit. He had that sad-ass MVP fucking presentation where he had to accept it via satellite during the playoffs.

It was really fucking sad. Nobody gave a fuck about Dirk. It was the Heat Championship and the fucking to-go plate. Because we knew he had a black wife. And every black dude, seeing him with the foil over the tupperware was like, oh, yeah, I've been there. Like, oh, I can get that. You know what I'm saying?

So that's how we all kind of started fucking with Derek. So when that whole thing happened, we all were just like, oh, man. What if that was all a PR stunt? Sure was. What if they're like, how can we get black people to be into Nowitzki? And they just handed him the plate with the tinfoil? You mean outside of being really good at basketball? Like, that's not.

His wife wasn't enough. Clearly it wasn't. You just said. You didn't like him until the tin him the plate. Outside of being really good at basketball? His wife wasn't enough? Clearly it wasn't. You just said you didn't like him until the tinfoil plate. Because he used to choke every year in the playoffs. You said the tinfoil plate was a turning point. I said the heat championship and then the tinfoil plate. You know his wife is at home like, I have Tupperware.

I would never do a fucking tinfoil. We are rich. I am a millionaire. I'll get some carryout. This is light work. I have nothing to prove this, but like the whole like get invited to the cookout thing that black people have to do for like certain white folks. That's the cookout plate.

So it's like Dirk was – you never even questioned Dirk. He's like, bro, he already walks with the cookout plate. Like of course he's invited to the cookout. Why not? So yeah, it feels – I could see why it would be harder for people to, you know, do that with other football players that, like, look violent and look fucking, you know, it's Dirk, he's dainty, he's German, he has a black wife. He really got that shit.

I mean, D-Wade's fucking lovable, bro. He's lovable. Yeah. Let's keep it real, though. Yes. Lovable, but. Soft-spoken. Got another shorty pregnant while dating Gabby.

Yeah, man. Right? Right. D-Wade skates. D-Wade know exactly what he's doing. It's like every time some shit fucks up, he's like, my mom's a preacher. Did you guys know my mom's a preacher? Like, I bought my mom a church.

Did you be on drugs? I loved her the whole time. She's on drugs. But now she's a preacher, but she should be on drugs. But God helps you. God saves you. You know what I mean? Like, when you fuck a girl and you're married.

But whatever. I mean, it is what it is. I can't imagine the number of times he cheated on his first wife. Like, I bet it was just fucking belating. It's Gabrielle Union. No, this is his first wife. No, that's what I'm saying. Like, if you leave your baby mom to Gabrielle Union.

You think if he cheated on her to just date Gabrielle. No, he's like, there was no women in between the wife and Gabrielle. You crazy. I think Gabby lets him fuck girls on the side I think that's why they're such homies

and I think he messed up and got this one pregnant yeah oh we were having this combo the other night I thought it was really funny

with this Brazil this wife I just thought of unprotected sex but this Brazilian comic named Rafi and he said something funny

he's like he goes he goes he goes condoms we were talking about because he's Brazilian and everybody has AIDS mad AIDS mad AIDS in Brazil yeah he goes he goes he goes condoms we were talking about because he's Brazilian and everybody has AIDS

mad AIDS mad AIDS in Brazil? yeah he goes he goes condoms have to be worse than AIDS and then we're like

why? he goes well because people keep on getting AIDS and it's pretty easy not to get AIDS you just use a condom so it has to be worse than AIDS

then think about how awful condoms are well I've always thought not to get AIDS. You just use a condom, so it has to be worse than AIDS then. Think about how awful condoms are. Well, I've always thought that the best part about getting AIDS is that you can't get AIDS. You never have to wear a condom again. You only fuck people with AIDS

and you can do anything you want. You can do anything you want. You can do anything. You can have a 100-person AIDS orgy. You're at terminal velocity. Just ping-ponging around, and you can't get any worse. Oh, my God. You're already there, bro.

Yo, we need to do a dating app. It's Hiver. Hiver! Holy shit. Hiver Holy shit The Hiver bro That's a billion dollar idea The Hiver ain't done It's not

Because there's not a lot That will stay on it That's very true You off that shit real soon bro A lot of turnover A lot of turnover On the Hiver Hey I liked your profile

Where you been? Been a little tied up I just keep getting ghosted That's a month to month membership For sure Hey, I liked your profile. Where you been? Been a little tied up. I just keep getting ghosted. That's a month-to-month membership for sure. Ain't no yearly subscriptions there. Bro, the best part about getting AIDS is you can't get AIDS. That's so funny.

Oh, God, yo. We're terrible people. Bro, like, after you settle with it and after everything's fine, you're just like, yo, let's go. Oh, my God. I'm wrong. That's what you want. Yo. Can't get any worse because, you know. Like, once you beat it, like, magic beat it, right?

Yeah. That motherfucker isn't afraid of nothing, bro. Like, nothing. Yeah. What could be better? Who's a better winner? right yeah that motherfucker isn't afraid of nothing bro like nothing yeah what could be better who's the better winner hammer Jordan's Oh magic greatest one yeah the greatest winner of all time yeah Bill Russell looks at him like God bless He just has it at bat. Hold on. Hold on a second. This is during the age of prime, too. This is during the age of prime. It was when the Warriors were out there.

It was like super team age, too. It wasn't like an off year. Like, motherfuckers thought he was done. It was Boogie Cousins age, just walking around and faking the fuck out of San Francisco, bro. That shit was taking everybody out. Put it on the butthole. Shit took Eazy-E out.

We were like, fuck. NWA was the shit, bro. Motherfuckers out of here. Dynasty AIDS. Oh, God. That was like the fucking goddamn. So what are you saying? That AIDS nowadays is like.

Magic Real Talk beat AIDS for everyone. Ever since Magic, we got less scared of AIDS. You know who did it? Me. God damn So what are you saying That AIDS nowadays Is like Magic real talk Beat AIDS for everyone Ever since magic We got less scared of AIDS You know who didn't Me I'm still very scared of AIDS It's not

You're not like If somebody got AIDS You're not like you dead Alright keep it 100 Whenever you see magic Like dapping up players Or like hugging players Like ain't a little part of you

Like fam Back off that motherfucker When I was younger Absolutely Cause like him't a little part of you like fam absolutely cuz I him and him and Isaiah Thomas used to do like the kiss on the shit Isaiah stop I was I'm good on that when he came back to the all-star game after announcing Pete there were players that thought that sweat yeah it's for it yeah players that were staying away from him Isaiah Thomas we know nothing about it he beat AIDS when we didn't know shit about it. I don't understand it. Because think of who

died at the same time of AIDS. People who had money too. Freddie Mercury wasn't far off. I mean it was like how, what was Magic Johnson. People who had money, right? That was the idea was that Magic Johnson could afford the best treatment. But other rich people didn't. Other rich people who died

of AIDS around the same time. What do you think kept him alive? I mean, I do think the fact that he contracted the disease when he was in the best physical shape of his life. Ah, so his immune system was crazy. Yeah, he was starting at the best place. And then, you know, I don't know. Yeah, like Freddie Mercury, Eazy-E,

they weren't the healthiest motherfuckers anyway. They were rock and roll, drinking know, I don't know. Yeah, like Freddie Mercury, Eazy-E, they weren't the healthiest motherfuckers anyway. They were rock and roll, drinking weed, coke, all that bullshit. It couldn't have been great for your body already. You know what I mean? So Magic fucking dropping triple doubles and shit, like, you know, I can see that. And my guess was wrong.

Wait, hold on. If you looked at Magic and his son and had to guess which one had it. I don't know. If you looked at magic in his son, I had to guess which one had it. I hope there's a shot of Akash coming to that thought. Because Akash came to that thought about 30 seconds ago. And I knew something was there because I just saw him look down.

He just looks down and goes. I was trying to figure out how do I get the pink. Make it palatable. Oh, my God. Oh, man. It's kind of like having a non-live show is so fun. You guys get to choose what you die on here. We die on everything. We rarely cut anything.

We've all died at least once. I've met EJ a couple times. He's taller than you, right? How does he look? Healthy? He looks like magic. Thank God he got daddy's immune system.

6'8", you know, 280. A load in the post, man. 6'12 in heels. 6'12 in heels. He came up to me

and he said, I was at like this place, The Blonde. Oh, I've been to The Blonde. One time, by the way,

I was there and the entire Cleveland Cavaliers team walked in. Nice. After playing the Nets. LeBron, Richard Jefferson,

Kyrie, whatever. Yeah. Tonight it was EJ. This night it was EJ. And EJ came up to me and he goes... I didn't know who EJ was. And EJ came up to me and goes... I have a painting of a boat.

With two lobster friends. I call it end of day. I was like, I want it. I'll do anything. I will do anything. I will do anything. I have a painting. And I'll be doing anything. I have a painting of my dad's HIV test. It's called end of day.

Oh, my God. Go on. Finish. He comes up to me and he goes, you could be a model if you burned that shirt. God damn. He's trying to flirt. He's trying to neg you. Yeah. Did it work? He goes, you could be a model if you burned that shirt. Goddamn. He's trying to flirt. He's trying to neg you.

Yeah. Did it work? How did you feel? Well, I DM'd him the next day. I swear to God. I have the DMs. Oh, I got to see that. Let me find my phone. Yeah.

Wait, you really DM'd him? Yeah. The guy's from Ocker Restaurant in here. You were kind of late, bro. You were mad Nigerian about it, bro. Yeah, bro. No, he's gone. To be fair, he's gone on one already.

Gone on one. We have YPK Cooks here, who was on time. Yes. Akra. I thought I bigged you up, too, man. I was like, y'all used to eat here all the time. No, no. We're not going to do all this listen, listen.

We got EJ's DMs to talk about. We'll get to it later. We'll get to you in a bit. We'll get to you in a bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. AboutJ's DMs to talk about. We'll get to it later. We'll get to you in a bit. We'll get to you in a bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. About 40 minutes out of the podcast. I'm taking all that shit home, by the way. All right, let's see what we got.

Oh, you guys went back and forth. Hi, EJ. We met at the blonde last night. You told me I could model, but I had to throw my shirt away. Nice talking to you. Then EJ goes, OMG, I was a mess last night, lol. At this point, I was like, I am in. And I go,

haha, no, you were in good form. You know? I'm not gay, am I? EJ goes, hardly, I don't remember much, lol. Again, double lol. I was like, you knew I was a comedian. He's just throwing it off the glass at this point.

Yeah. And then I wrote this thing. I was like, love it. I work at a big media company called Barstool. I have a show. Would love to get you on it as a guest. Would you up for it? And then I never heard back.

Yeah. Hold on, hold on, hold on. But you've sent him many more things since. What was your next thing? I just wanted to follow up and see if you might be keen to be a guest on our show. We just had the Sports Illustrated

swimsuit models last week and I sent him a picture. Yeah, that'll get him. Because, seriously, sometimes you seduce guests by being like, here's the caliber of guests we have.

I'm just saying. What was his reaction? I can run it past my publicist and then never really heard back from him. But he did respond to that message. He was trying to hit it. Yeah, there you go. What was his reaction? I can run it past my publicist. And then never really heard back from him. But he did respond to that message. He was trying to hit it. Yeah, there you go. He was trying to hit it.

Yeah, he just wanted cheeks, bro. Yeah. Do you feel used a little bit? I would have felt used. I felt... You felt dirty? I felt bad. Yeah.

Did you feel like you were using your looks to get ahead in the business? Let me tell you something. your looks to get ahead in the business. Let me tell you something. I have a song in my act about how successful I would be in Hollywood if Harvey Weinstein had been gay. And there was no limit to what I would have done for roles in his movies. And I do kind of stand by that. I just want to let you know something.

And you might not have been into Hollywood yet, but everyone's gay. Yeah. So you have a shot. Harvey might be the only straight one in charge. You can give up cheeks for roles guaranteed. Is that true? Yeah, absolutely. 100%.

Where do you think the theater nerds go when they don't make it in theater? Aren't most of them gay anyway? That's what I'm saying. Theater nerds don't make it in theater. But aren't most of them gay anyway? That's what I'm saying. Theater nerds don't make it in theater. They want to be around the art so they become

the casting director or the producer. Oh, God. I don't know if I've ever met a straight casting director that was a man. Have you? It's either women

or gay dudes. I think I've met some or they're just gay and you can't really tell. Right. Sometimes under cuffs. Yeah. Downhills.

That DL. That's right. The DL gays. Keeping it on their neck. They're so secretive. You want to talk any current sports or not? Say again? You want to talk any current sports or not?

Yeah, let's talk. Oh, yeah. Anybody watch Zion and Duke? Watch Zion and Duke. You see that game? Great fucking game. Great finish. I don't really care about college sports. It was a

hell of a game. I watched the last six minutes. 20 seconds. That's all you need to see. That's the only thing R.J. Barrett did was win the game. The only thing he did was to put back in with the game that I saw in the last six minutes. But the rest of it, Zion dog. Zion is the truth. Real quick, before we get into that, did you guys see the

sketch that they made about keeping Duke in March Madness? Yes, on House of Highlights. Yeah, it was like four black dudes. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm going to move the rim. This is going to –

And everybody went crazy. The sketch is viral. This is crazy. This, that, the other. And it's like, this is Buffalo Wild Wings. Yeah. Right? This is the premise of the commercial of Buffalo Wild Wings.

Right? We remember that. It's over and over again. Yeah. Right? This is the premise of the commercial of Buffalo Wild Wings, right? We remember that. It's in an old regard. The game itself was nuts, though, because I've never seen instant karma or instant Zion when he fouled out Taco Fall, the 7'6 kid from UCF or whatever. Yes. UCF? Yes.

UCF. Central. Central Florida, right? Fouls out. Hot girls. UCF? Yes, UCF. South Florida, whatever. Central. Central Florida, right? Fouls out. Hot girls. Fouls, I can tell. Fouls out immediately. Zion misses the free throw.

And the short rebound in which RJ Barrett, or anybody, especially Taco, would have got the rebound. He's not in the game anymore. RJ gets the putback, puts it in. They get two amazing looks at it to win the game. It rims out at the end and it's just like you know zion is probably one of the most i don't even say it like he's probably the best college basketball player like i've ever seen like with my own two eyes like i know there's

gonna be some old motherfuckers like oh you didn't see pistol pete averaging 40 or yeah i'm talking about like somebody who i've seen like like you LeBron ever played high school, college, maybe. The best who actually played college. Oh my God. Like this motherfucker. There's nothing he can't do. There's nothing he can't do. Here's my question with Zion.

How much more can he grow? Like you've seen Tatum grow into his body. You've seen LeBron. You've seen certain second, third, fourth year players start to grow into their body. You've seen LeBron. You've seen certain second, third, fourth-year players start to grow into their body. You're looking at a guy who right now, I believe if he was in the NBA, would be the third heaviest. Sorry, was it you that told me that? Second heaviest player in the NBA right now. This kid cannot possibly fill out more,

yet conventional wisdom tells us that something is going to happen between the age of 18 or 19 and 24, and he is somehow going to add 10% of muscle. Are we talking about... He's already gotten leaner. I mean, look at that fucking bicep. Bro, but this is 18.

Are we talking about a potential 300-plus pound three guard? I feel like he's going to be a new type of point center. Sure, we spoke about this with Draymond, et cetera. But regardless of what position he plays, I don't care. Yeah, he's a defensive lineman playing basketball. But we're talking about, is there a defensive lineman that's 300 pounds over? Defensive lineman, yeah. Who? Most defensive linemen are 300 pounds.

But they're not that tall. Hold on, hold on, hold on. A defensive tackle is 300 pounds. That's in the middle. We're talking about guys that play the end. DNs are not over 300 pounds. I think they're like 285, 290. Exactly. He's 280 at 18. Those guys you're describing are 25-year-old men in the NFL.

It's crazy. At their fill. This guy's 18. So we're talking about over 300 easily that would be playing an end position. Do it be a D end? Von Miller at 325, 315. I met Zion his junior year of high school, right? Right, right.

He was still like 6'6". But real quick, I want to see your reaction. He asked around me, Brian. He sent me this text. You know how big Gronk school, right? Right, right. He was still like six. But real quick, I want to see your reaction. He asked around me, Brian. He sent me this text. You know how big Gronk is, right? Yes. Zion is an inch taller and 20 pounds heavier already. Wow.

Yeah. So think about this for- Think how fucking big Gronk is. So let us just, before we move on, I want us to acknowledge, what is the height? How far does it go? Where's the ceiling?

How much more can- It's a LeBron ceiling. You don't know what it is. He's past LeBron physically right now. Yeah. LeBron hasn't even had... What are we talking about? LeBron's never been that big.

What does 23-year-old Zion look like? That's what I'm trying to understand. What the fuck is 23-year-old Zion? I think he, if anything, he might slim down. There's a chance. Talk to me. Yeah, because you look at LeBron, right? LeBron put on a ton and ton of weight from his

high school frame through the years. Tons of muscle. When he was playing in Miami, he was fucking huge. But then he dropped it back down to come to Cleveland. He cut sugar out of his diet over one offseason, came back, and he was lean and kind of stringy. But Zion's not doing that between

now and 24. That's what I'm saying. What happens before the slim down? What are Miami years for Zion? I mean, the thing is, if Zion is 18 and he looks like this, and he's looked like this kind of since we saw his

highlights from high school, this feels like it's sort of just his natural body. It's his natural body, but we have to assume as you get older. NBA weight training regimen, NBA nutrition, whatever. I think he can get leaner if they want him to get leaner. He's gotten leaner at Duke. Yeah, I thought he got leaner.

He's kind of got a lot of baby fat on him coming out of high school. I think he has a lot of baby fat. Raw. But at 280 raw. You and all of us experienced muscle growth without even doing anything for it when we got into our 20s even our late 20s you know you hear the whole thing about dad strength etc it's like like for you to be at this level of musculature guys yeah when you were 18 it would take non-stop 18 year old lebron working in the the gym. Look how skinny this guy is. And we thought he was a hoss.

I think we're looking at a guy who could be 315 pounds, lean as fuck, that could run like guards. Yeah. And at that point, I don't even know what we're talking about. Look at Giannis. Look at Giannis this year. He's added 20 pounds, probably, of muscle. Apparently, since he came into the league, he's added 50 pounds of muscle, Giannis. Wow. Okay, 50.

I don't think that Zion's adding 50, but 30 is a reasonable amount. Yeah. Like naturally, without even trying, he's going to put on some weight. And check out 30. So Giannis maybe comes in like light, you know, early 200s, right? And then adds 50. So he's adding maybe 25% of his weight or something like that.

For him to add another 30 pounds, that's only 10% of his weight. It wouldn't even be that hard. Well, I guess the theory would be skinnier frames can add weight more, not easily, but they have more weight to add because the frame can just get bigger. Sure, sure, sure, but he's pretty skinny.

It's just scary. His potential is just so fucking scary because I've literally never seen anything like him. Yeah, we haven't. He's a defensive lineman playing basketball. And even then, defensive linemen aren't that tall and that explosive. You know what I mean? No, De'Anne is like 6'8". And he's so fucking nimble.

I think they were playing North Dakota State or the first round matchup. There was a play where the ball's going out of bounds. Yeah, he meets it in the air. 98% of people either fall on their ass or the ball just rolls out of bounds. He fucking catches it, goes behind the back, uses the other hand to keep himself steady, and fucking finishes with the left hand. I've never seen somebody that big and that fucking nimble in any sport. In any sort of fucking wrestling, fucking UFC.

And I've never seen anything like this. I just looked up Julius Peppers, who is like a prototypical D-end to me. 6'7", 295. He also played, he's a basketball star as well. Yeah, he played for North Carolina for a little bit. And Julius Peppers is, or at least was, an elite D-end.

Yeah. Hall of Famer. Hall of Famer. 6'7", 295. That's him at his, whatever his weight is now. Right. I'd imagine Julius Peppers his freshman year of college, 250. Yeah. Like, this is insane, dude. Yeah.

What I'm surprised is that apparently we all have the same knee joints no matter what our height is. And that's why the big guys have a lot of problems with joints. It's because the joint itself doesn't really change. So you have that much more torque and pressure being put on it. This guy has the LeBron look and the Giannis look where they don't seem to be able to get injured. And if you watch him walk around, not around, not even like when he's like, going for a play, like,

he's just very bouncy. Yeah. Like, he's always just like, like the fucking, he's a child. Yeah, I'm just like,

how the fuck does, how does he carry all of that in that frame? Like, it makes no, it makes zero fucking sense to me, but like, he's one of those guys

where I'm just like. He has that, the energy of like, the retards in high school, right? Where they're just like, constantly ready to go, constantly ready to do something, activities.

Lenny, dog, from Up, Mice, and Men. That's who he feels like to me. Talk. Don't let your fucking rabbit around him. You know what I mean? Isn't that what he pet to death? Yeah. Y'all are going to be crazy.

He pet the girl to death because she was so soft. Speaking of rabbits, and I don't mean to pivot here, but did you guys see the new Jordan Peele movie? I've seen it, yeah. No, I haven't seen it. This past week I saw it. I won't give anything away. How uncomfortable were you in that theater? I was so confused. It's not that racist. I was so confused by the movie

that I felt like a racist person. Because every black face around me in my row was nodding solemn like we were in church or something like yes that is all right what a wonderful metaphor and i was like i have no idea i'll i'll i'll make you feel a little bit safer it has it has nothing to do with race it's about class the movies it's a class is a movie so if it's like those those are probably like silent nods of like oh yeah you eat the rich eventually

like eventually oh I'm sorry if I spoiled it for somebody but like eventually you know that's that was the whole point of the movie I've read so many reddit threads yeah that's all I did this weekend really cleared it up from everyone had a different theory that's all I did this weekend it's a point yeah it's up for me. Everyone had a different theory. That's all I did this weekend. I guess that was his point, yeah. I guess Cassie gave away the ending to us. I don't care. No, I don't think so.

I'm just going to watch it regardless. It's a movie that you'll definitely have to watch back after you see the ending. Yeah. Because they go through everything at the end and you're like, okay, now I got to go watch this again. Smart. Because it doesn't match that I fucking missed. Run it back. It's like two movies in one.

Cool. Okay, fine. Fair enough. What else we got, Akash? There's rabbits in it, so I guess that's why we... Okay, so Gronk retires. Two page stories. Gronk retired and The Craft Apology if you care about it. It's pretty empty.

Before we actually go there, we have a New Englander here, so there's two things I want to hit on. Are you a Celtics fan? Yes. What is the sentiment amongst Celtics fans about your prize point guard, Kyrie Irving? Well, yeah, not good. Talk to me. I think the amount of excitement that

Celtics fans felt when Kyrie divorced himself from LeBron in Cleveland to come play for Boston. That was exactly, we hated LeBron. Celtics fans hate LeBron. And we thought, oh my God, this is a guy who's coming to play for the right reasons. We had all these young guns, you know. And then, of course, in the first game game of that year Gordon Hayward breaks his leg Kyrie's out for the entire playoffs and yet we still came

within an inch of going to the NBA Finals. That one's seven, right? One LeBron run One LeBron run at the end. On the backs of like a group of guys that were relatively unheard of Al Horford. Yeah. You guys were ahead of schedule You were ahead of schedule So we were like, oh fuck heard of Al Horford yeah you guys were ahead of schedule you know you were ahead of schedule yeah

um so we were like oh fuck well next year next year with Kyrie and Gordon Hayward back and sorry to interrupt you guys had always given the Warriors trouble so you thought if we make it out of the east which it looks like we will we can give the Warriors a fight that's what I thought. LeBron goes to LA and everyone thought oh my god, it's going to be an absolute cakewalk to the NBA Finals. The Eastern Conference is a joke now.

It's been gutted, but for the Celtics and their wonderful coach. And then Kyrie has turned it into keeping up with the Kardashians with all these ridiculously staged, whispered conversations in tunnels after games with his friends. Kevin Durant, where he's quietly dropping keywords like, Max Deal. And you're like, bro, you know there are fucking cameras around. Stage.

You think it's stage. And then he winds up, because it's happened too many times. It's happened too many times for us to be like, dude, you fucking see that guy holding Every NBA player. You've been taped, right? Maybe TMZ, whatever. Have you ever not known when someone was filming you from 10 feet away? You are hyper aware once there are cameras around.

Yeah. I mean, there's a reason why when they talk in the middle of the court, they put their face over their face because they're aware that there are always cameras around. They could pick up not only the sound, but they could read lips. Okay, so now you're at this point where this person, Kyrie, is acting like a little bit of a diva. To add to your point, even when LeBron talked to Alonzo last year, when he was on the Cavs and he whispered Alonzo with a shirt over his mouth, we still figured out what he said. No matter what you do, we're going to hear it if it's on a court. So they are, to your points, hyper aware of it.

So you say that these antics are staged. antics are staged. I think in a way, and it's like Kyrie felt left out from the whole KD, LeBron, Kawhi, you know, who's the guy who plays for the Pelicans?

Anthony Davis. All these trade rumors that are talking about building crazy super teams out there and he just wanted to be part of it and meanwhile, every Celtics fan is like well look at how good we were last year without you in the playoffs it can't get much worse there was a period

where the Celtics were 0-7 over the last 7 games with Kyrie and then they were like 8-2 without him and he was like coming back missing a game coming back missing a game and it was just a staggered thing where I was like coming back, missing a game, coming back, missing a game, and it was just a staggered thing where I was like Jesus Christ. You guys clearly

play better without him. I don't know if you're a better team without him, but the team wants it more when he's not there. The team tries harder when he's not there. Even that big comeback that you had against, I forget the team we spoke about on the podcast, but that happened with Kyrie on the bench.

It's just an interesting thing to see a city, rightfully so, turn their back on a star. Right? Yeah. It is. Are there any Celtics fans? We did embrace him. Right.

You know, this wasn't a guy that had to earn a lot. You loved. And when he went down last year, we were gutted. We were heartbroken. Right. Because he had done, he'd had an incredible season last year. He didn't see it coming? You know what happens to Kyrie?

He just gets hurt? Yeah, I mean, yeah. Maybe you want to be wishful thinking if you're like him. He's been playing through it. I mean, it was like we thought maybe. So here's a question. I feel like even in the past year, in the beginning of the year, when he was like, oh, if you guys will have me, I'd love to stay,

that whole pep rally thing. Yeah, everything he did until the whole trade deadline window right around that time and the whispered conversations and then him being mad at the fan base and being mad at reporters. He called out Stevens yesterday about not doubling Kemmba or two days ago whatever it was so so here's my question right i i feel like boston has an affinity for for coaching right you get behind the coach whether it's our back you guys have great coaches doc Doc Rivers. Doc, Auerbach, Russell. And now Brad Stevens has been marketed pretty well in terms of his basketball IQ.

I personally don't think that he's a good NBA coach because he lacks the ability to manage egos. Kyrie being one of them. Now, is anybody capable of managing Kyrie's ego? Maybe not. It's possible. If you're not willing to play for LeBron and beta yourself for LeBron, who are you going to beta yourself for? That being said, do you think that Boston puts a little bit too much stock

in an NBA coach where an NBA coach itself really isn't that meaningful? It's weird. It's weird. I think there are two different models for NBA teams now. You've got, you know, the San Antonio Spurs, and let's go back a couple years with Greg Popovich winning championships on a broken-down Tim Duncan, Manu Ginobili, and a pretty rusty Tony Parker towards the end of all of their careers.

Yeah, right. Granted, you know, Kawhi, yeah, sure, okay. But that was a team that won by passing the ball because they had the consensus greatest coach of this generation. Then you have super teams like, you know, LeBron's Cavs. Heat, Warriors, Cavs. Yeah, and look, you've got the Warriors and it's like. And you could even say Celtics, the first big three.

With KG, Allen, Pulkers. Yeah, sure. You've got these super teams that they don't need a coach at all, in my opinion. Like, yeah, Steve Kerr took over from Mark Jackson. First year coach. But they were going to win regardless. Yeah.

Mark Jackson. First year coach. But that was they were going to win regardless. I think that an NBA coach in Boston I think that the fans like the idea of a coach like Brad Stevens rallying

a group of younger players to the maximum of their success. They like that story better than recruiting Kyrie and his buddies to take over and run the town. And the proof's in the pudding. Like, we've seen it already. We've seen it work with lesser, you know, superstar talents.

And we could give Brad Stevens that Wonder Kid fucking, you know, name that we've given him as his coach. And being able to coach these land of misfit toys to a game away from the NBA Finals. So why would you want to be like, okay, let's do what everybody else is doing and build this super team with Kyrie and Hayward and all these guys. So I can see where you're getting that. What do you want Kyrie to do this year?

What's your hope as a fan? I mean, I don't think anyone's going to beat the Bucs in the East. I think the Bucs are kind of the best team in the NBA right now. I worry they're too green, personally. This is their first time with a real contender. Very few teams win it. I think what happens with the Bucs is playoff defense is a little bit different. You can scheme for Giannis, and you can force him to shoot.

And in the same way that they're exposing Boogie Cousins, a lot of these West Coast teams when they're playing the Warriors now, I think they'll find a way to expose Giannis. And you're going to need to rely on those other guys on the team to hit open jumpers. Now, Chris Middleton, if he's going off, you're going to win games in the playoffs. Now, nobody's talking about Chris right now,

but playoffs, a guy that you could swing to, because Giannis is going to require some double, Chris could be huge in the playoffs. He might be good in big moments, too. He came out firing in the All-Star game. I don't think they're going to win, specifically because Malcolm Brogdon's hurt. Brogdon's big, yeah.

He's a big piece of that team, and that's 17 points per game that's quietly missing from them. And when they went up against the 76ers, that shit was evident that they're going to need him. So I still like the Bucs just because Giannis has been on Mars this entire season. I don't see anybody stopping him one-on-one. I like Philly coming out the east. I like the way the Saints made up. Did you guys see Boban hit a three in the corner?

Yes. I like the way this thing's made up. Did you guys see Boban hit a three in the corner? Yes. How crazy is it that Ben Simmons is a worse three-point shooter than Boban Marjanovic? And Boban was pure when he threw that shit up. No rim. Nothing, bro.

He was winning, bro. Look, right at Tobias Harris for approval. Like, did I do it? Did I do it, Tobias? It was like a shot clock going down type of shit. He said, give me that pill, bro. It shit it's going in no he's hit that corner though that's corner that's night dude he is the weirdest looking fucking human man the picture of him and his girlfriend on the beach is haunting dude have you seen you know the movies where they like the kids draw a ghoul? Yeah. You know like the horror movies?

His body is built like a kid's drawing of the bad guy. You know when you're in the psych ward with a kid and they're like, what are these paintings of? He's like, my friends. Boban. Where's Tobias? I can dunk you. Toby, I'm coming. Just a fucking freakish looking guy.

And I guess there's a purpose for him. Without sports, what does that guy do? He acts. I don't know. He's in a movie, right? No, no, no. He's like the next George Murasawa playing My Giant. No, no. I'm saying without sports, in a world where it's the 1800s,

and there's nothing entertainment-related for him to do, what is he the guy? Just shingles roofs? You feed him with a slingshot in the fucking basement. That's what you do. You just go down every couple of months like, feed him. He's like those giants in Game of Thrones that are hanging out with the White Walkers.

Yeah, that or the mountain or raising drawbridges over moats. I can see him pulling the crank on the big wheel to be like, no, no, no one else in for this party. Sorry, you're not on the list for draw guns. He just waits. He is a lighthouse. He's just waiting at the edge of the water

waving boats in like, oh man! That's his real voice. Oh my God. So fucking lucky. You ever think about how lucky some of these guys are

that they were born now? I mean, we're all lucky we're born now. Oh yeah. Right? Especially black folks. We can never go back in time. I will say, I think I would have been happier like 100 years ago.

I think you would have. I think it would have worked out okay with you. You would have been great. 100 years ago? A lot better. Yeah. I mean, yeah, you would actually had a boat in Lobster Traps instead of just a stupid painting.

Don't get me wrong. There'd be more things in the boat. We're two and five. I thought I had a fraud. I thought I just a stupid painting. There'll be more things on the boat. We're two and five. I thought I had a fraud. I thought I had some working class mainer over here. There'll be a lot more than lobster on that boat a hundred years ago.

You have to be mistaken for someone who's poor. The wealth jumped out twice today. God damn. First the fucking art painting. Fuck, man. Jesus Christ. Now, would your parents let you date a poor girl?

Yeah, they don't. My parents are super, they don't care about anything. Nothing? Yeah. Nothing at all? What about a minority? Yeah, I've dated a couple black girls. Really?

Dark girls, right? Yeah. I knew it. I knew it wasn't no light-skinned girl. You went all the way. Iice king girl You went all the way I just know You went all the way To the end of the scale

He go black He go black Well no I mean Let's You know I see this face On the change line

He's like They're all dark to me Yeah You know I don't see shade No I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding Yeah, you know, I don't see shades. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

I don't know. No, but like, I've dated minorities. I haven't brought many girls home to my parents. As black as that guy right there in the back of the room. I can't see him. I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have. I forgot. Oh, my God.

He's not part of the podcast, so that's something I should say. Fuck. Dude, I love you, Francis. Oh, man. You guys called me into a false sense of security. I know. We're here, bro. Matt is laughing at everything.

Asking me all these NBA questions. The door's locked. We're beating the shit out of you. Me too. I've got a history of crossing over. Did you say our Joloff was a seven? So nervous. You've got a good number of years of goodwill with us between the jaw-off and the black women and the laughter.

You're good. You're straight. Black women. It's an interesting question. In the words of Larry Davidson. Might as well go to Essence Fest after this. Heart of Darkness Africa Black. Is that what he said?

That's what Larry Davidson said. Heart of Darkness. Oh, shout out to Essence Fest, by the way. I am hosting that this year. Oh, nice. Yeah, they just reached out back to back. Host Essence, so I'm about there. Yo, if you can't make it, go to Francis.

Francis will do it. Essence Fest. Oh, what's that? It's a festival about Essence. Have you seen Girl's Trip? No. But I do like the actress in that movie. Tiffany Haddish.

I like her. You know what sounded lighter? I do like that young lady. What a fest man. What a fest man. But yeah, no, Essence Fest. It's just, yeah, it's a great festival. Celebration festival? No, no yeah no Essence Fest it's just yeah it's a great festival

a comedy festival no no no it's just an Essence Festival so Essence is like the magazine the magazine oh my god it's in New Orleans

yeah yeah well this year yeah it is in New Orleans again it's always in New Orleans very cool it's always in New Orleans that's another thing you're just repeating

what I'm saying that's not true at all we just had the same thought so it's gonna be really cool so yeah it's dope. If you want to come by. I guess Cass probably wants to go, but he's probably not invited. We'll work on it.

Please. Just text me. We'll figure it out. Who's headlining again this year? Sorry? There's a bunch of people. They're inundating them with emails. of people that are going to be there. And they're inundating them with emails. So we have Erykah, Erykah Badu is going to be there. Solange is going to be there. Yeah, absolutely.

So there's going to be a lot of women. It's going to be a lot of Essence. And honestly, I would say this year, probably the most Essence that there's ever been. The most Essence? Because you're hosting. Not only because, well, I'm hosting back to back. So this is my second year. But I feel like we've really tapped into the essence of this festival, and we're going to bring it out,

man. The essence is essence. That's the theme this year, right? The essence is essence. The essence is essence. The effervescence. The effervescence of the essence. I like that.

Of the essence festival. So it's going to be really cool. Alex is not invited. Oh, they know about you on The Root? Yeah, dude. You got mad write-ups on The Root, man. The Root has been posting about Alex. Wait, wait, what you on The Root? Yeah, dude. You got mad write-ups on The Root, man. The Root has been posting about Alex. Wait, wait, what happens on The Root?

Well, because Alex has... Andrew's cool with a lot of the editors, and that's how I know a couple of them, and they're not a fan of Alex. Yeah, I'm actually the editor-in-chief of The Root. Wow. I don't know if you guys know about that. I did not know that.

I have a lot of duties. Essence Festival, editor-in-chief of The Root, I own Okra. Okra restaurant. You like the vegetable? Okot. I own okra. Okra restaurant. You own the vegetable? The okra. I own okra. I own okra.

You own the vegetable okra? I own okra. I own okra. Technically. He's a partial owner of cornbread. He's got a lot of things going on. Partial. I don't own the whole thing.

That's some rich white people shit. Like, yeah, I own cornbread. Yo, you want to know some real shit real shit Duval I was hanging with Duval he put things in perspective to me he's like he goes what do you think rich is and I was just trying to say I don't know are you a millionaire or a billionaire he goes you wanna know what being really rich is

it's not owning a boat it's not owning a car it's not owning a mansion it's owning sugar he just put it so beautifully like imagine you just owned it's not owning a car it's not owning a mansion it's owning sugar yeah fuck yeah he just put it so beautifully like imagine you just owned sugars in everything

yeah sugars in milk like owning zippers there are people that own the commodity the little YKK the zippers yeah dude

my cousin's homie that sits on everything cousin's homie's family owns like the what are the shit they wrap sausage in like the little clear plastic yeah they hold the sausage together they just own that out in Germany Cousin's homie's family owns like the shit they wrap sausage in. Like the little clear plastic.

The intestine. Yeah, that holds the sausage together. They just own that out in Germany. And they're just like them. You know what I was thinking? What? Yeah. I thought it's intestine.

No, but it's wrapped in something before you cook it. Like it's not. It is intestine. Whatever that method is. I don't know what they use. Whatever that method is, they're the ones that came up with it. Chef, isn't it the intestine that they put it in? Yeah, usually it's a casing.

Yeah. This is a casing, right? Made out of intestine? It can be made out of all different types of things. But yeah, usually intestine stuff. Wow. So your family owns intestine? Apparently.

Yo, that's nuts. That's good. That's really good. That's even better than sugar, bro. Better than sugar. Intestine? Breath. Yeah.

That's OD. Yo, do you know what I was thinking, though, the other day? Yeah. Okay, you ever go to a gym that has a pool? Yes. And then when you go into the locker room, they have the bathing suit drying machine. Are you the only person in that pool when you go into your gym, or is it mad people in there? I'm trying to figure out how white your gym is.

The name of my gym is the New York Health and Racket Club. Oh, yeah. Racket with a Q? That is R-A-C-Q-E-E-T. There it is. Racket. That's true wealth right there. But they don't have any racket sports, which peeves me.

Peeves him. It irks me. I will say this. Those bathing suit drying machines, as a kid, that was like my favorite thing, was to stuff the bathing suit in, and then you push the lid down, and that starts it. And then it goes vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom. What does it sound? Whoever. I didn't do it very well.

I'm not a very good impressionist. But that machine, whoever made that, is probably worth a lot of money. Absolutely. Oh, for sure. We got to invent some shit. What's the darkest girl you've been with? That's a very different area. I was talking about it.

It's a sharp left turn, but I want to know. I was with a girl in college whose name was Aisha. Okay, that's pretty black. Aisha Curry light skin. That's pretty black. Was it Aisha with a Y or Aisha with Okay, that's pretty black. Aisha Curry light skin. That's pretty black. Was it Aisha with a Y or Aisha with an I? Whose skin tone closest? There's four different black guys in here.

Probably Kaz, I would say. Oh, Kaz is pretty black. Chocolate? Nice chocolate. I was really into her, though. From the day I met her, I had a big crush on her. Nice. And then we hooked up and I was like, I was wrong.

What happened? I was wrong Just have things like pictured it totally differently What made you go her breasts were different sizes took a close-up what made you go her breasts were different sizes each one was different yeah yeah was it big was it big areolas that's like my shirt I can't you could eat a big meal off those I mean there's a big man everything it just didn't match up it was like you know like a toy that you take out of the box and then you're like that's not how I saw it. It's like a Picasso. Is it like going to McDonald's and you open up the Big Mac, and it's like, that's not how it looks like in the commercials.

Yes, exactly right. I needed some toothpicks and some glue to put her back together the right way, and some steam. I don't know. Was that the last black woman you were with? No, no, that wasn't. And then I dated a girl who is actually a comedian, but I'm not going to say her name. Okay.

But this is funny. You guys will love this. Okay. So we kind of hooked up a few times, went on a few dates. It's so funny looking at a white person and going, man, that guy's white. I'm white.

You know what I mean? But is that what you guys see me as? The way you were choking on this fucking nothing? Yeah. Is that what you put on it? Yes, that's it. Yeah. This is delicious, bro.

I just took spoonfuls. Yeah. At first we did little drops, but the last one we just OD'd. But then you barely ate that one. Oh, my Lord. That was very powerful. Yeah, I was watching me like, look at this white guy. You're like white skinned.

Okay, go on, go on, go on. So this girl I dated, and we went on a bunch of dates. And then I told her, like, I stopped talking to her. I kind of ghosted her. And then we, like, months later reconnected. And she was like, why did you ghost me that time? And I don't know why. But in, like, this fit of idealism,

like I was going to let her off the hook, I told her that it was hard for me to date her because she was a more successful comedian than me. I told her that as a way of feeding her feminist... And her name was Aisha? No, no, no. I'm not going to give this girl's name. She's a comedian.

And she goes, oh, men, like that. Andisha? No, no, no. I'm not going to give this girl's name. She's a queen. And she goes, oh, men. Like that. And I was like, yeah, great. But the real reason, I just wasn't that attracted to her. But you didn't want to tell her that. I gave her such a weird, idealistic reason. That's going to bite you in the ass. Yeah, she's telling everybody and they all think that's who you are.

Yeah, but I thought for some reason that if I told her that, she would be like, this guy, at least he admitted it. No. When does that work? guy, at least he admitted it. No. When does that work? Louis C.K. admitted it. Did that work out well for him? It never works. You do the opposite. Right.

And you know what the truth is, too? I was doing better than she was in comedy. She's like, down here, and I'm here. I don't know why she bought it. I mean, the ego on this bitch. Come on, you idiot. You idiot. So many more followers than she does.

That eliminates who I thought it was. All fair. We're going to find out exactly who it is. And then we're going to tell everyone on the Patreon. Friday, see us. There's, um, so we were hanging out with,

uh, and I was hanging out with a buddy of ours a long time ago. We'll remain nameless. And, uh, this guy always had these really funny stories. It's one of these guys. I don't see that often,

but when I do see him, he just always has these fucking, these, these stories. And he goes, um, he goes, he goes,

uh, yeah, man, you know, like I'm kind of, you know, tough times or whatever. So like, I don't really have like a bed. I go, what? Yeah. I'm kind of in tough times or whatever, so I don't really have a bed.

I go, what? Yeah, I'm kind of in between beds or whatever. So I got this air mattress or whatever. I went out with this girl, man, and I'm getting her drinks and everything like that. I don't drink, but she is drinking. We get back to my house

and we've got to have sex on a place and I don't have a bed so I just have this air mattress and we just had to just wait there while I inflated the air mattress because we're just standing there and it's not quiet.

So, we can't even talk. It's just, he goes, he goes, he goes, and I'm just checking it periodically, just pushing the air mattress,

looking at her like, it's getting firm. He goes, he goes, he goes, so, we get on the air mattress, looking at her like, it's getting firm. He goes, so we get on the air mattress. We have sex. She leaves the next day, ghosts me, never hear from her again. And so I just texted her yesterday out of the blue. He goes, hey, I know it might have been a weird situation for you, but I just want to let you know my door is always open

and my mattress is always inflated. Bro, I was howling just at the awkwardness of standing next to a girl staring at this mattress as it slowly unfolds. What? She's still fucked. Still there. Still beat, though. Still beat though.

That is... We should do a series called hashtag still beat though where we get people to tell their best still beat though conversations. I'd love to do that. Still beat though. And it could be girls and guys. We do still beat though. That's going to be a series. Still beat though.

Mark it. Alex, write it down. It's happening. What's your best Still Beat, though? Oh, I got a pretty decent one. Okay. But you guys, it's very fitting with my character that we developed today. We didn't develop it today. God developed it. For everybody that's listening and hasn't watched the podcast, Francis is Mexican.

He's not white at all. Si, senor. No, I'm just joking. He's not white at all. Si, senor. I was just joking. He's white as fuck. I was on the beach in the Hamptons. Dead serious. That's not even a joke. I was about to say that. How much whiter can you get?

I was in the Hamptons on the beach with a girl and we went up to the top of the lifeguard stand and we were hooking up top of the lifeguard stand and as we were like hooking up and it was windy and cold the type of cold where like you know we kind of like got naked and we're fooling around and if if i wasn't in her in some way it was like instant deflation yeah so she would like go down on me and then i'd be like you have two seconds from mouth to vagina before it's like we're toasting we're gonna have to start

from scratch and somehow i had to get a condom on um and so she had to like blow me with the condom on which i always feel bad about because You didn't just mush it in soft and got hard inside? You know what? It's a great question because I tried. I've done that plenty of times. I tried, right. But it's like when you go for a jog, you know, and you know you're going to hit a vending machine for water or Gatorade. So you put a $1 bill in your sock and then you get there, but you're sweaty.

So you pull the dollar out, try to put it in the slot, and it just folds in on itself constantly. You don't get the – it doesn't take it. So that was what was going on with me. And somehow we had enough rigidity, right, to work enough of it in. And then once it was in, we were on our way. But, I mean, the winds were howling. An HEV police officer drove by. You did have sex with her.

Yeah, we did. Can we play that story back as a clip and just analyze all the different white things that happened from using the word rigidity

to jogging to the Hamptons I mean there's so many levels of whiteness can we please cut that together that was

that was for me probably one of the better overcomes Akash what about your best still beat though still beat though that's right that's what it is I don't know if I mean I'll really have to think on this because

you know you know Akash has never had sex with a condom yeah never never once never once has had sex with a condom in his whole life yeah it's a good life to live or do you have a girlfriend or yeah oh okay how long have you been with her? Three years. Okay. All right, that's... He's 35 years old. He's never had sex with a condom. Not 35 yet. You're not 35? Not yet. Dude, before you tell that story...

Yeah. That's a story. About 34 straight years of not having sex? Well, I want to hear your still beat, though. I don't know. I think I have a steep still beat. You don't have any still beat that you had to overcome massive odds to get that? Yeah, my girl...

I mean, yeah, I guess my girl and I, the first time was a nightmare. We spoke about our horrible decisions. What? Was that the one where she was running away from you and then you grabbed her? What? No, that wasn't just me. What? That wasn't just me.

That was a group of Indians. No wonder he's never worn a condom. Captain India. At least they're authentic over here. Go on. Who was talking? Francis? Oh, my bad.

My bad. You know, guys, some guys, and maybe you guys do it, but some guys keep a list of all the girls that they've slept with. Right. And, like, I don't know. People have mixed feelings. I don't do it, but people have mixed feelings. Like, wow, that's really degrading

a friend of mine told me the reason that he does it and he's like this sort of impish Jewish guy named Ari and he goes no man the reason I do it is that if number 37 calls me and tells me that she has herpes

then you know who else you infected I only have to call 38 through 42 instead of having to go back all the way up. That's actually the most progressive reason I've ever heard for keeping a list. If you don't keep a list, you don't have to call anyone.

I was about to say, why would you do that? I wonder where I got this. Oops, forgot. Well, it's lunchtime. I'm on Emp got this. Oops. Forgot. Well, it's lunchtime. A lot of girls with Empedigo right now. Did I ever tell that story here? Thank you, Alex.

This is years ago. I got an email, right? I got this random email from this website. There was a website out there. Oh, this is so funny. It told you anonymously if you had an STD, right? So I get this email, and it says that, hey, a partner that you've had has chlamydia. They just wanted to tell you that you have chlamydia or gonorrhea, whatever one of those ones.

I didn't know what the fuck it was. Chlamydia, let's call it. They just want to tell you you have chlamydia. You should, you know, share with all the partners that you've been with recently that you got chlamydia, right? So I get this fucking email, right? chlamydia right so i get this fucking email right and um i i'm like freaking out because i have a trip to argentina uh the next day right and i'm about to go to argentina right so i'm like all right i'm gonna take care of this shit right when i get back from argentina so i get going out argentina i'm trying to fuck girls the whole time right just trying to infect all the argentina

with chlamydia without even i can't get double chlamydia out there, fam. I could not get laid to save my fucking life out there. They smelled the clam on you. Bro, they must have smelled something. It was crazy. I mean, like, the last day... They have keen noses. Keen noses, okay?

Very keen. Keen noses. The last day I was in Argentina, it got so bad. I was looking for a girl at the club with, like, a small deformity that my friends wouldn't notice, right? But I knew would lower her self-esteem enough where she would fuck me, right? I was low, bro. I swear to God.

I would dance with girls and I'd start feeling for fingers, see if they were missing a fingertip or something like that. A little tail remnant. That's it. Just a little something. And I got this big girl back, right? That's a pretty noticeable deformity. Deformity. No, no, no.

Listen, this is the deformity. Big girl, but she had one of those body suits underneath her dress. So she has this dress. She looks thick, but I was dancing with her. And I felt it. And it was holding everything together for dear life. Okay? I mean, I could feel the fucking seams

of her dress open. Have you ever seen a fat person put on a sneaker and the tongue is just piercing in between the laces? That's how her whole fucking outfit felt. Have you ever opened a can of biscuits? Breaded, yes. Exactly. Theo does that joke. Theo Vaughn does that.

He's like popping out of a... It was exploding, okay? This girl, we go back to the crib. It's me and my buddy, and there's a whole thing of what happens. Nothing ends up happening, so I don't hook up

with fucking anything, right? I come back to New York. I break down to my parents, okay? I'm like, Mom, Dad, I don't know what the fuck to do. I got chlamydia. And they're like like have you been safe you know and I'd be like yeah

I've definitely been safe you know I mean I wasn't but I was very safe they're like okay we can go get an STD test I'm about to go get an STD test with them and I call my best friend Jamil and I go Jamil man bro I'm about to go

get an STD test with my parents right now okay because i got an email that had chlamydia fucking chlamydia right and my boy jameel goes oh shit that's right i sent you that i forgot you want to know it's even crazier then he goes wait a minute we were just in argentina you were trying to get pussy the whole time you thought you had chlamydia i was like bro my bad that's awesome yeah so i don't have chlamydia so that's good guys that's fucking dark damn oh guys um is that a little rapskies how long we at we at five seven what a one five seven okay Oh, guys. That was fucking dark. Oh, guys. Is that a little Rapskies?

How long we at? We at? One, five, seven. What? One, five, seven. Okay, let's wrap it up. Should we bring the last of the Joloff? Oh, yes. We have one more Joloff situation.

He came last. He came late. Yeah, and I was talking to you up heavy, too. Like, I love y'all restaurant shit. This is heavy. It's a lot of food, though. Okay, let's move some shit out of the way here. We don't need to blind taste this one since, you know.

Okay, we already decided who won. We already know how this is. Ghana came in repped. Let me unwrap it first. Okay, okay. Put it here first. Let's put it here. We'll unwrap it here.

We'll take care. In the meantime, we can do this while we talk. One more story? Yeah, go for it. Yes, but real quick, I want to put some plugs out there. I got some shows coming up. I forgot to tell you guys that in the beginning of the episode. But this week I'm going to be in Jacksonville and Orlando.

Then I'm going to be in Cleveland. Then I'm going to be in Austin for the Moon Tower Comedy Festival. Then I'm going to be in Dallas, then Nashville, and then Ann Arbor, Michigan. It's right outside of Detroit if you're in that area. Make sure you holler. Go to theandrewschultz.com right now to get them tickets before the shows sell out. Hurry up. Go get that. And then April 1st, we got a big announcement, man. So I'm very excited to talk to you guys about that.

But make sure you go get tickets to these shows. It's all new material. I'm not repeating any of this shit from Views from the Sists that you've seen. By the way, continue watching Views from the Sists, man. It's crazy. I think we're at almost 1.8 million views for the special already on youtube unbelievable man keep watching keep sharing i see you guys drop it in the group chats i see you guys sharing it with all your friends that's the only way this shit works for me because you guys have been so generous with the content and getting so many people on man i can't tell you how many people hit me up going, yo, I just told 10 of my boys about you. We're all

coming to the show. Thank you guys so much for doing that, man. And April 1st, we're going to have a very cool announcement. So this is all new material that I'm working on. I want to see you guys at these shows. I got a couple announcements as well. As always, Wale Mania April 4th, Thursday, Sony

Hall. Tickets are almost sold out. Doors open at 7. We got the place at 3 a.m. Make sure you get tickets on Ticketmaster.com, SonyHall.com. D'Ussé Palooza, Chicago, April 13th, House of Blues. Pull up to that. Big, big announcement. D'Ussé Palooza is doing the Dreamville Weekend Official Festival Pre-Party. That is on...

Goddamn, goddamn, goddamn. April 5th, Friday, 10 p.m. to 2 a.m. That's at the West Social Club, 400 Northwest Street in North Carolina. We are also doing the official pre-party of the Roots Picnic, May 31st, 7 to 12 a.m. at the Theater of the Living Arts. Make sure you get your tickets,

all your tickets on d'ussépalooza.com. Wiley Mania tickets, get it on my Instagram, get it on sony a.m. at the Theater of the Living Arts. Make sure you get your tickets, all your tickets on doosaypalooza.com. Wiley Mania tickets, get it on my Instagram, get it on sonyhall.com, Ticketmaster, wherever, you know, you get them shits.

We're almost sold out, so, you know, make sure you get that. That's April 4th, Thursday, Sony Hall, Times Square in New York. ABDC's at Caroline's April 26th and 27th. We're doing two shows.

I believe both are at 7.30. Come through, get tickets at Caroline's April 26th and 27th. We're doing two shows. I believe both are at 730. Come through. Get tickets to Caroline's on Broadway.com. Or just search Caroline's NYC in Google. Come check us out. Yes, sir. All right, man. Thank y'all so much for listening to Flagrant 2.

No EG Buckets. Before we stop, what restaurant is the name? Shout out to Accra Restaurant. What is it? Accra Restaurant in Harlem. Accra Restaurant in Harlem. Where is it located? Adam Clayton Boulevard.

You eat. I got this. Go. 2065 Adam Clayton Boulevard in Harlem. Okay. I'm going to say it because the mic's kind of far from your face, but 2065 Adam Clayton Boulevard, Adam Clayton Powell Boulevard in Harlem. It's Acra.

It's spelled A-C-C-R-A. Yeah, like the capital of Ghana. Ghana food. Ghanaian food. My people. Okay. So, 122nd and 7th for all you real Harlem people.

There we go. And we're eating it right now. It's absolutely delicious. Thank you so much to everybody who came through and gave us their Joloff for this year's Joloff. Our whitest guest ever.

We'll get there. Thanks. You just eat, Kaz. You just eat. Oh, I will. I got this. All right? Thank you once again for the Joel-off-off.

This year's 2019 winner is Ghana, the country of Ghana. This will be a yearly gathering. So Nigeria, Senegal, step it the fuck up, okay? I know Liberia wants to get involved. I was hanging out with my man Alvin in Minnesota and he said he comes correct with the Liberian Jolof. So we're taking new countries next year. It's going to

expand every single year. So thank y'all for being part of it. What is it? YPK Cooks, Chef Prosper to God, and of course, thank you very much, it's just Francis Ellis. Shout out to my mom, too. Shout out to my mom. Where can they find you, Francis?

Thank you. This was so fun for me. You can find me on Twitter at Francis C. Ellis, on Instagram at Francis Barstool. I'm headlining Chicago Laugh Factory April 12th. Sorry, April 12th. Sorry. April 12th. And one of those shows is already sold out, so there's only one left. And then I've got the Wilbur Theater in Boston for two shows on May 17th.

I'm taping my special. And then Springfield MGM Roar, April 25th through 27th. Amazing. All right. So go check all that out. All right. Thank you guys so much. And for all of you patrons, we will see you Friday.

Thank you for fucking with us. And if you haven't joined the Patreon army yet, get your ass on it. Flagrant. It's patreon.com slash flagrant2. A new episode every single Friday morning. Drops. Same flagrancy. Matter of fact, the flagrancy is usually taking it up a notch.

I don't know if we can top today, but we're going to do our best. It got pretty wild in here, but we appreciate y'all. Asshole Army lives forever. Thank you so much. Peace. God bless.