Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - The Green M&M is a $LÜT with Russell Peters
Episode Date: January 25, 20222:40 - West Elm Caleb 27:00 - UFC 270 46:00 - M&M appearances changed 1:00:00 - NFL: Tom Brady and his legacy 1:06:50 - NFL: Mahomes, Chiefs, Bills and Allen 1:19:57 - Russell Peters joins the pod 1:4...4:00 - Netflix blackballed Russell Peters 1:54:00 - Russell Peters on Def Jam Flagrant 2 is a comedy podcast that delivers unfiltered, unapologetic, and unruly hot takes directly to your dome piece. In an era dictated by political correctness, hosts Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh, along with AlexxMedia and Mark Gagnon, could care less about sensitivities. If it’s funny and flagrant it flies. If you are sensitive this podcast is not for you. But if you miss the days of comedians actually being funny instead of preaching to a quire then welcome to The Flagrancy. Join the Patreon Asshole Army: http://bit.ly/2xQwHYf
Transcript
Discussion (0)
What's up everybody? Welcome to Flagrant 2.
It's your boy Schultz here at Akash Singh.
We got Marky Gags. We got Alex Media.
We got Miles Media. We got Dove the Truffle.
You know what I'm saying?
Shifty might even be lurking in the distance.
Doesn't have the funny cam going on.
Probably read them comments.
I like the fucking funny cam.
I thought it was great.
Maybe it was jarring at first,
but you know,
you got to let people
get on board with it.
People got to adjust.
It's like every time
they change Facebook,
we complain.
And then the shit
took over the world.
And we love it.
Hey, funny cam about to be
the only fucking cam, bro.
Yeah, okay.
Get back up there, Chipples.
Piece of shit.
Piece of fucking shit.
Anyway, happy birthday, Dove. Let's give Dove
happy birthday.
Happy birthday. Thank you, Slaigrin Army
for a lot of nice messages.
Nicest messages I ever
received. Good. I liked it.
You know, Dove, I didn't get Dove anything for his birthday,
but he also has still gotten me
nothing for my wedding.
And I also want to point out with the state of the crypto market, Akash has also gotten me nothing for my wedding. And I also want to point out with the state of the crypto market,
Akash has also gotten me nothing.
So we're losing gifts as we're going right now.
You got some knives, though.
Cut my fucking wrist.
Cut my neck.
Convince suicide.
Tap me out of this bitch.
Oh, my God.
Obviously, everybody's watching. You guys know what's going on with the crypto market. I'll buy your crypto right now. I know you will. I know out of this bitch. Oh my God. Obviously, everybody's watching. You guys know
what's going on with the crypto markets. I'll buy your crypto
right now. I know you will. I know you will. Stop.
Stop. Stop.
We're going to have our boy, Pizza
Boy, Anthony Pompliano
on the podcast.
Pizza Boy. That's my boy. I call him
Pizza Boy. He stopped peddling it
when it was back in 64. You're going to be working at Royce.
It keeps going in this direction.
But he said we'll all cry together on the pod.
And he's going to zoom in, by the way, because on them flights.
He can't afford a flight.
No, he's down in Miami still.
So he said he'd call on and we'll talk and figure out what's going on
and how the Fed is influencing the markets a bit and what's all going on.
It all comes down to the Fed.
Remember the Fed?
You think I forgot about the Fed?
You think I forgot about the Fed?
I feel like Al did his hair like this so I make fun of him.
I feel like he's trying to bait me into making fun of him.
Yeah, but he's got something on you.
Hey, Al, your hair looks great.
Yeah, you look awesome, Al.
Al, your hair looks absolutely fantastic.
You look phenomenal, bro.
No, I look good.
Okay. But let's get this started okay let's get the podcast started um we've got a massive story we did a we had a great weekend but we got a massive story that
we got to talk about um a fuck boy is getting canceled right now i know dude i know fuck boy
is getting canceled right now and i think we got to come to his defense. Of course we do.
What are we talking about? I think we got to come to his defense because West Elm Caleb, if you guys don't know who
West Elm Caleb is.
Legend.
Let's go through the story of West Elm Caleb.
Who do you think is most versed on this story right now?
Mark, do you have a good?
I got some facts.
Mark told us about it, too.
Break it down.
Break down the story of West Elm Caleb.
Give us the facts only.
Yeah, only the facts.
Just the facts.
We care about facts
Over here
Okay
Facts no feelings
I'm gonna do my best with this
I tried to do the Digimon
Pokemon story
And I got cooked for it
I had
I had Gideon
Pokemon
I had Gideon
Or whatever
Gideon
Yeah I had him hit me up
He was like
Y'all got that shit
Completely wrong
That's so funny
Mark like a true white man
Forgot a whole n-word
That was said.
It started the whole contribution.
It's disputed.
It's disputed.
I saw the video.
She's dropping it.
CGI, bro.
Are you sure?
Yeah, it might be CGI.
All right, fine.
It's nice he didn't wrap along with the N-word at least.
I'm team Pokimane.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
If French Montana can do it, she can do it.
Oh, that's a good take.
What is she?
What's her background?
Moroccan.
Moroccan Arab.
She's Moroccan.
I think that they should be able to stay at the lease.
Why is that?
Because Arabs still got slaves, bro.
Oh, okay.
White people, we tapped out.
We were like, nah, that shit's fucked up.
But you go to parts of the world,
them Arabs still got black slaves, bro.
They can't be dropping that shit.
Huh, huh. How you feeling now? I'm team Digibot. Team Arabs still got black slaves, bro. They can't be dropping that shit. Huh.
Huh.
How you feeling now?
I'm team Digibot.
Team Digibot.
We back.
We back.
Okay, little pokey man
walking around here.
How do you know that she was...
I mean, could Dove say it?
There's no way.
Nah.
Come on.
The guy wears too much cashmere.
Yeah.
There's a certain amount
of cashmere you could wear
where it just stops you from saying the N word.
Completely. What amount is it, Al?
One percent.
One.
I think so.
Your one percent is one percent cashmere.
We don't fuck with cashmere, Al.
Why don't you fuck with cashmere, Al?
Nah, we just don't fuck with cashmere, bro.
It's like that Seinfeld episode
with the one dot on it.
I've never seen it. Fuck you, bro. Okay, God bless. It's like that Seinfeld episode with the one dot on it. I've never seen it.
The best episode. I've never seen it.
Fuck you.
Fuck you, Alex.
Fuck you, Alex.
Fuck you.
That's what he looks like, Black Kramer.
Okay.
Preach.
So basically break this story down.
West Elm Caleb is being called New York's most eligible fuckboy.
Ooh. That's the term for it. Move over, Pete, so West Elm Caleb is being called New York's most eligible fuckboy. Ooh!
Move over, Pete Davidson.
West Elm Caleb.
So basically,
there's a woman
that posted a TikTok
and said,
oh, we lost our son.
God damn it.
Woman that posted a TikTok
that said,
basically,
it's like a joke,
like, OMG, Caleb,
if you see this,
like, I hate you.
And it's like her getting ghosted.
And she's like,
dating in New York is so hard.
And then all these people
in the comments are like, OMG, like, Caleb from West Elm? And she's like dating in new york is so hard and then all these people in the comments are like omg like caleb from west elm and she's mad people
so now all these other girls are making tiktoks like yo i dated this guy west on caleb he said
it was six four uh we met on hinge he said that he was a furniture designer at West Elm.
This is a picture of what he looks like.
Cutie.
Yeah, we talked.
We went back and forth.
You hate him, bro?
He quote, unquote.
You hate him?
You see my hair?
You see my hair?
You can't move.
No other dudes can be good looking, man.
No other dudes can be good looking.
That's not who Cutie put those.
You take a few inches off your hair, put it on his body.
That's you, dog.
That could literally be you.
I can finish his beard, honestly.
Wow. You're a market. I'm just saying put it on his body. That's you, dog. That could literally be you. I can finish his beard, honestly. Wow.
I hate it.
I hate it.
I just hate it.
CB2 gang over here.
Let's go.
CB2 in the building.
They sent me a couch with no fucking feet on it.
Nah.
Yes.
Fuck West Elm.
You probably busy golfing, bitches.
You didn't put no fucking feet on your furniture.
West Elm took me off my feet.
Fuck.
I hate them but yeah so basically
he's all over hinge and now there's like over 25 30 women that said i went on a date with west
elm caleb and they all have the same story they're like yeah we met on legit exact same messages
copy pasted send me the same messages he sent me the same spotify playlist like hey girl like i
love you i sent this for you blah blah blah blah I don't know which ones Met up with him
And went on dates with him or not
He sent one girl
Dick pics twice
He must have liked her
Yeah
What's he packing bro?
She didn't say
She didn't post that?
Nah nah nah
That's how you know
He didn't
That's how you know
If that shit was little
We'd all been seen
But if it's big
He's 6'4 everywhere
Got the ottoman
Put your feet up
Put your feet up girl that's where one of them
legs went shit but yeah so i get pissed if my girl sits my west elm couch i'm like yo sit the
fuck up right no stand up damn bro okay keep going uh but yeah basically he would like talk
to girls and then just ghost them and now all these girls are now mobbing him saying like, yo, fuck this guy.
He's the biggest fuck boy.
We hate West Elm Caleb.
And now it's gotten even bigger than that.
Like all these brands are hopping on it.
Like Hellman's Mayo said like, yo, West Elm Caleb like doesn't fuck with mayo.
Like shit like that.
Like people are just like now brands are jumping on it.
And now it's just become a meme.
TikTok tweeted about it is how big it got.
They went on a Twitter and tweeted about West Elm Caleb. They they have their own social media app yeah they went on a different one to
spread the word yeah interesting okay so now it's just become a massive thing and the first
conversation that comes up is like is this love bombing is he being manipulative is he coercing
these women you can't this was so great you can't even be nice to women you nice to a woman it's
love bombing i looked into this it's apparently woman, it's love bombing. I looked into this.
It's apparently the precursor to abuse. Love bombing is that shit that Obama would do at your many weddings?
No, that's not what it is.
What is that?
Oh, drone strikes.
That's a drone strike.
Got you.
You know who can use the new furniture?
Your many weddings.
Get on out there, West Elm, Caleb.
Yemen is a good country
we gotta go to middle east elm
west bank elm
oh my god
okay go
so basically is like
is what he did fucked up
the other thing that I will say
that is important to note
is that apparently he told some woman
that he was exclusive with them
so he was like talking to all these different women
dating a bunch of them at the same time
and telling specific ones like yo it's just you and me like i love you and we know
that for a fact or that's what she said because that seems like a feeling not a fact and sometimes
sometimes people can miss his true feelings it's fact you know what i'm saying
yeah i mean how many days were they dating for
do you know how long did that candle burn
did west don't kill a fuck up is he a fuck boy okay uh is he a fuck boy yeah sure yeah he's a
fuck boy i want to point out this.
The ghosting shit, we've all done it before.
I do think it's whack, but we've all done it, 100% of us.
Yeah, it's a part of growing up.
Exactly.
He's 25.
The only reason we do it is because we're all pussy.
Yeah.
Right?
It's like we're just scared to hurt somebody, so if we just ignore it, then we...
And that's exactly what I said about the girls who ghosted me.
Exactly.
They just need to grow up.
You got ghosted, bro? She just need to grow up. You got ghosted, bro?
She just needs to grow up.
Yeah, bro.
Hey, if it's a type of rejection, I'll probably bend that shit.
Probably.
I don't know specifics.
Block them shits out.
Yes.
Save it from your chest.
I thought you really only dated your girl, to be honest with you.
Yeah, because the rest of them hoes rejected me.
Now, for real, are they just ghosting you up and shit?
No, I don't know if I got ghosted.
I definitely got rejected, for sure, in many different ways.
I probably got ghosted.
Had to have happened.
Yeah.
Had to have.
If you ain't been ghosted, you ain't shit.
You ain't put yourself out there.
Oh, you never been ghosted?
Of course I have.
Everybody been ghosted.
Yeah.
I'll be honest.
I just said that.
I might not have been ghosted.
We're too forgetful to get ghosted. I'm too forgetful.
His memory be ghosting him.
His brain ghost him.
He'll look back at a text and be like, oh, I was supposed to meet up with her.
I forgot about that.
I do it all the time. You're welcome, Caller Daddy.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm out here trying to make these women money.
What can I do?
I gotta fall in love.
It is what it is.
We all have other plans sometimes.
Y'all never had other plans?
God's will.
God's will.
To be fair, you ended up costing her quite a bit of money.
No, that's on her.
Quite a bit of money.
Quite like eight figures.
But I made the other caller, daddy, a good amount.
You should speak, Argos.
You cost him a lot of money with Bitcoin, bro. What are you talking about?
It cost me all this goddamn money.
Hey, I've been doing that sometimes. I ghosted texting you to sell it i forgot i forgot you ever heard eric
meyer's joke about ghosting no he's like they should not call it ghosting because ghosting is
like when something comes to your house and fucks you all the time like they should call they should
call it sasquatching like you see him for a little bit and they just fucking run into the woods yeah
that's actually great because a ghost is gonna terror terrorize you. Yeah. It's there all the time.
Sasquatch is a new term.
I guess.
Yeah, because ghosts don't disappear.
Yeah, they're there.
Around.
They're always there haunting you forever.
That's what happens when we leave it up to women to make up the term.
Right?
They haven't seen enough movies yet.
You've got to watch some paranormal activities.
Okay. So this guy, is it wrong what he did?
What I think is really funny
it's actually really funny based on uh just based on like the the heels of our conversation last
week when we're talking about like what is the proper way to get women etc like here's an example
of a guy who's not a fucking crypto billionaire he's not an athlete he's not a rapper the guy
designs furniture for west elm probably does okay but not crazy yeah okay lives in brooklyn he's not
living some high-rise fucking
Manhattan apartment.
You know what I mean?
Or something beautiful
in Soho with a mezzanine
or roof access.
Really just wonderful views.
What?
What?
I'm a married man.
Are you talking about you?
I'm a married man.
You're a married man, dude.
I'm a married man.
Yeah, he happens to live in Soho.
Some of us live in high-rises,
a couple floors underneath
Derrick Rose.
It is what it is.
It is what it is.
You know what I mean?
It is what it is.
And eventually you can move up
and live above him. B it's actually it's actually
impossible to live above where he lives but that's what are we even talking about what are we even
talking about even right yeah you know just because penthouse doesn't mean there aren't
higher penthouses that's true that's a good ass point it might be a higher penthouse that's a
good ass but enough about us yeah i'm not talking Yeah. I'm not talking about us. We're not talking about us. Oh, yeah, you're right. Any hypothetical guy.
Enough about those incredibly successful people.
The point is, this guy is not what we think the ideal man.
He is 6'4".
If you're 6'4", that's fucking, that's helpful.
Allegedly 6'4".
Allegedly 6'4".
Could be less.
I'm just saying.
How can we know?
He's a hater, bro.
He's a hater.
How do we know?
Stand on my back.
He made me stand to my back. How do you 5'11 with a Napoleon complex?
Let's go back to back.
Let's go back to back.
Me and Weston Taylor.
You 5'11 with a Napoleon complex.
I bet you he's bumping to do too.
Probably get him up and down.
100%.
He probably in his fucking CrossFit class
looking at his wife and shit yo let's tell
okay so this is important this guy was not being mean to these girls upon meeting them
he was doing the exact opposite thing that we're told by like the pickup artist and shit
right he's love bombing yeah you're so amazing i made a playlist for you it literally
is terrifying what he's doing i'm gonna say he's simping so he's simping this guy simped himself
according to the rules this guy simped himself into having sex with half of new york city it's
crazy is it possible that so many people are following the pickup artist techniques
that now the unique way to hit on a woman
is to go from simp to pimp that's simp and to pimp it when you really think about it
be nice to these girls it's going to be such a shocking experience for them they're gonna be
oh my god maybe this guy i really like him now what i will say is quite interesting is these
girls got on top of it it became a tiktok trend yada, yada, yada. What I think is kind of funny is if he was one
of these millionaires, if he was a finance douche, if he was Drake, if he was Odell Beckham Jr.,
these girls would be fine with being ghosted. They understand it. They understand it. Their
ego could tolerate it. And what's funny about this, and this is the insulting thing,
is they're not upset they got ghosted. They're upset that they got ghosted by a guy that they thought they were better than.
Oh, shit.
That's the ego thing that's going.
It's like, I got ghosted by the guy who makes furniture for West Elm?
Yeah.
The fuck are you doing?
You're not a Drake.
You're not.
How dare you have sex with all of us and not be famous or successful enough?
Restoration hardware, maybe.
I need some real nice bougie shit right isn't that interesting
like it's an ego check and i don't even know if the girls that are coming out saying it realize
it let me push back on that one point even though i don't i think a lot of these girls are overreacting
crazy but all right a celeb wouldn't necessarily show a bunch of affection up top and be like i
love you marry me make a playlist you don't have to i don't
disagree with your general point but that's one thing that i'm i'm not sure i agree with they're
reacting to the love bomb they're reacting to the love bomb now i i don't want to seem rude here
oh go finish yeah here's the thing i call i looked into this love bombing thing yes they call it a
precursor to abuse so then women are calling it abuse now if a guy does that and then abuses you
that's a fucking criminal if a guy does that and doesn't abuse you that's not abuse a precursor is not the same every fight
the precursor is an argument every fist fight the precursor is an argument the argument's not a crime
it's just an argument yeah that's all that shit is is i'm being nice i can't be nice i don't know
if it's any more manipulative than like looking completely different in your Instagram pictures than you do in real life.
Is it emotional catfishing versus physical catfishing?
Are we all?
I think, what is it?
The great Chris Rock joke.
You didn't meet me.
You met my representative.
Right?
This is back in the day before Photoshop and all these other things.
But like, yeah, everybody's on their best behavior at the beginning of a date.
My apartment's clean just in case yeah right my
apartment ain't always clean yeah right everything's clean i'm shaving up downstairs i took a shower
really bruh you took a shower i take showers i'm shaved up i wash legs and feet
you don't think that sometimes i think I might get my middle hammer toe sucked?
I might get a middle hammer toe sucked if my feet are washed, bro.
And if it's not, she's not going to do that.
I love you calling it a hammer toe.
I got the middle hammer, bro.
I got the middle hammer, bro.
If she says bring out the hammer, what do you do?
Just put your leg on the...
Bring out that toe.
Hey, listen.
To this hammer, everything's a nail.
Is that the saying?
What is the saying?
What is that saying?
That was it right there. Was it? Okay. You got a hammer,, everything's a nail. Is that the saying? What is the saying? What is that saying? That was it right there.
Was it?
Yeah.
You got a hammer, every problem's a nail.
Yeah.
You know what time it is.
Oh, it still don't make sense.
Okay, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that, like,
to act like neither party is representing themselves
completely authentically,
or to act like both parties are representing themselves
completely authentically upon meeting, I both parties are representing themselves completely authentically
upon meeting
I think is unfair.
It's completely unfair.
And untrue.
And straying from that
is somehow abusive?
No fucking chance.
Yeah, I hate this
just throwing the fucking word
we're throwing that out
Why don't you just see
some real abuse?
Honestly, like abuse
and like goat
we just throw out.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
Like a motherfucker
shoots a paper towel
into a trash can
Goat!
Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like a motherfucker shoots a paper towel into a trash can. Go! You know what I'm saying? Like there's 50
goats. Goat is greatest of all
time. There's just one.
So I agree. I think
they were just overusing that shit but
with this specific thing
damn I fucked that word.
With this specific thing
with West Elm Caleb, what I find
interesting is like,
it's very hard to,
it's very hard for people to just go,
I guess he didn't like,
you know what I'm saying?
Like, he's either a fuck boy, manipulative asshole.
And maybe he did that to a few people
and that's fucked up.
But some of y'all, yeah.
Yeah, but you know what's crazy?
The one that's fucked up is the ones he said were exclusive.
Yeah, if he says it's exclusive. That's a lie. It's just lying. He's being? The one that's fucked up is the ones he said were exclusive. Yeah. And then he cheated.
That's a lie.
It's just lying.
He's being a liar.
That's a fucked up shit.
But one of the girls who went on TikTok to talk about that, she was like, oh, I was swiping.
I met this guy.
I'm going to go on a date and add him to my arsenal.
So she's saying I'm about to add him to all the other dudes I'm talking to already.
And now you mad that he's dating other people.
You a fuck girl, he a fuck boy, you got fucked.
Yeah.
You are good enough for him.
And that's where your ego, for sure, your ego thing lines up.
And that shit is bruised, bro.
Now, question.
Is it unethical to go on the same date or to do the same kind of behaviors with the same girl?
Is it unethical for that girl to wear the same skirt?
Wear the same lingerie?
Wear the same sexy ass bra.
Is it unethical?
Or is it just a playlist where he's like, yo, I made this for you.
That's the emotional equivalent for us.
Do you know what I mean?
Like, make me the same bacon, egg, and cheese you made a bunch of other motherfuckers in the morning.
Is that unethical?
Let's stop acting like we're not repeating tactics that we know that can be successful.
Yeah.
Right?
If those things are kind and nice, what's the problem?
Giving someone a playlist of music that you think they
might enjoy yeah you're doing it so you guys may build that connection but i don't think that that's
the worst thing a guy's ever done it's not the worst it's a little slightly to be like i made
this for you but okay slightly fucked up this guy's gone viral for this oh gosh is it wrong
to take a girl to the same restaurant that you took another girl to? Nope. Like, can you never repeat anything?
Yeah.
And he could just be repeating the same tactics
that he's had great dates on until he finds the one.
Exactly.
And none of y'all were the one.
That's it.
And there's nothing wrong with not being the one.
You're going to be somebody's one.
Is West Elm Kalem an asshole, or are you just boring?
Or did you just lie about how hot you were?
Y'all know me.
I dated a lot.
I was out here in the world.
Yeah.
I met the one.
Yeah.
And the one was the one that I needed to be with,
one to be with, locked in with.
Okay?
Y'all just weren't the one.
Y'all just weren't the one.
It is what it is.
That happens. maybe he didn't
appreciate you look bombing him where you pretend you're super hot and then he sees you like are
you all right oh wow oh wow i'm a six four better looking version of mark i'm gonna settle for this
exactly that's six four mark better looking you can build furniture i still got a growth
coming watch yeah okay i got a little bit okay i will say i feel bad for him only because
i feel like yeah he's a fuck boy but now he's just a like a representation of all the fuck boys yeah
of every piece of shit guy you've ever met he's this guy he's getting karen'd you know what i
mean yeah like where now he's not like people are forgetting that he's like a person and they're
just jumping on because he's the representative of a fuck they're trying to get him fired from
his job they're tagging West Elm in it.
Like, West Elm's supposed to be like,
all right, man, during your time off,
you should have been dicking down all these girls in New York City.
I think we need to get rid of you.
You're a danger.
And West Elm's probably going to fire this guy.
That'd be fucked up.
Because it's just like, we don't need this shit.
Yo, Caleb, if you get fired,
we'll let you build all the furniture for our new studio.
Hey, hey.
I mean that sincerely.
I mean that sincerely.
We'll hire you.
We want him on the podcast.
I tried. I was DMing girls that he dated
I was married Andrew Schultz married
In girls DMs like yo free Caleb
I bet you this gets him more pussy
I bet you this gets him more pussy
Cause girls gotta find out
All these girls like oh shit I wanna see
What's so special
And none of them hated on the dick None of them hated on so far as what's so special and none of them hated on the dick none
of them hated on like so far as of what i've seen like none of them hated on the experience
they enjoyed being with him yeah and they had a good time with him from what i see
so they're upset that he didn't share that yeah which is always an ego hit that fucking sucks
it hits you you're like god damn it son of a bitch right this person didn't like me as much
as i like them yeah that's frustrating to take that to the internet and try to trash somebody
and like galvanize and get a bunch of other people together regardless guys or girls doing that to
the opposite sex it's just fucked up that's fucked up you know what's funny he there's a text of him
responding to one of the girls and he's like yo my life has been ruined a lot of girls are just
making stuff up that isn't true some of these girls are saying i didn't pay for dates and it's like that's the
thing yeah yeah yeah yeah that's the thing you're worried about how could he afford all these dates
west hills paying them good bro yeah we'll talk like i remember back in the day when i was dating
a lot and i was like i think i gotta start choosing yeah it was pricey like restaurants
yeah top tier date yeah like what are we doing exactly yeah like do we need to eat I think I got to start choosing restaurants. Yeah, mid-year date to top-tier date.
Yeah, like what are we doing exactly?
Do we need to eat?
Grab some food before.
That's why I remember my pickup line used to be on the apps.
The first one was, do you like tacos?
Nachos.
Oh, nachos.
Yeah, I remember I tried that.
Because it's so cheap.
I got ghosted.
It's so cheap.
That shit worked every time.
I literally tried it.
It was 90% seen, bro.
Seen.
Latino girl.
You know what is fucked up?
The girl was Spanish, and I realized that that's a little bit insensitive.
You know what I mean?
Match with an Indian girl.
You like tandoori chicken?
You know, here's a little fuck up.
I should have looked into that app.
That was on me.
Fine.
That line might work.
That shit worked.
That was years ago.
It probably doesn't work now, but that shit used to work.
Yeah.
You said it to me, and I was like, oh, fuck.
This guy figured something out.
Everybody likes nachos.
They do.
Not everyone.
Not everyone.
There's lactose intolerance.
Yeah, not everybody's a vegan at all.
It's all this extra bullshit.
But back in the day.
But there was a time.
Yeah.
Absolute banger.
Free West Elm Caleb.
That's all I got to say. Give this guy his life back. Stop fucking piling on. Hey, we're offering you the day. But there was a time. Yeah. Absolute banger. Free West Elm Caleb. That's all I got to say.
Give this guy his life back.
Stop fucking piling on.
Hey, we're offering you the forum.
West Elm Caleb.
Yeah, we need West Elm on.
Or we want one of the girls that he dated.
Maybe one of the girls he dated and West Elm together.
Oh.
That would be fire.
Yeah, let's see if he is 6'4".
Yeah.
Yeah.
We will measure him.
That's why we're bringing him in, right?
Yeah.
That's why.
Okay.
Yeah.
This is going to be good.
Okay.
What else we got?
Fun weekends.
We went out there.
Oh, yeah.
We did some shows up in Oxnard, and then we went to the UFC 270.
All right, guys.
Infamous tour.
We're on the West Coast, okay?
We are in Sacramento this coming Saturday.
Incredibly excited.
Love performing in Sacramento.
I think we have a few tickets left for that show.
Go get them before those are gone.
Then we're out there in Brea and then Coachella.
Make sure you check us out in the casino out there in Coachella.
That show is going to be absolutely wild.
Then we're up there in San Jose.
Go get that.
And then we got a bunch more shows all across America.
We got Birmingham, New Orleans, Cleveland, Pittsburgh, okay?
And New York City and Atlantic City.
Waiting to find out some news about Canada.
OK, we should have news by next week what the deal is with Canada.
Obviously, they're terrified of this Omicron variant that kills nobody because that's just what Canada does sometimes.
And they're trying to restrict the great people of Canada from having an absolutely fantastic night of comedy.
This is such a bummer. So we're going to figure that out by next week.
We'll have an answer for you on that. Akash, what you got? Yo, this weekend I'm at the Comedy Vault in Batavia,
Illinois. So anybody in the Chicago area, bring your ass out to that show. Next week, February
3rd through 5th, I'm in Richmond, Virginia at Sandman Comedy Club. SoCal, I'm coming to y'all
at the end of February. February 20th, I'm going to be at Oxnard at Levity Live. February 23rd at
the Improv in Irvine. February 24th at the Improv in Ontario, February 25th in L.A., proper Hollywood dynasty typewriter theater.
Bring that ass through. March 11th, Vancouver Playhouse. I'm coming to Canada.
And then March 18th through 20th, back home in Texas at San Antonio at LOL Comedy Club.
April 1st and 2nd, still Texas, Austin, Vulcan, Gasco.
And then, of course, April 22nd and 2nd, Steel, Texas. Austin, Vulcan, Gasco. And then, of course,
April 22nd and 23rd,
Royal Theater in Canada.
We doing that show
whether they let us in or not.
I don't give a fuck.
So get your tickets
at outgoshesingh.com
and let's get back to the show.
All right, guys,
we're going to take a break
for a second.
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money for you to make more money now let's get back to the show and then we went to the ufc 270
tell us about it okay i will say this uh the ufc has mastered the live show so good unbelievable
and what i mean by that is here's the perfect example al you've been to a boxing match before
yeah live fight yeah let's say you're going to a boxing match before? Yeah. Live fight? Yeah.
Let's say you go to a Floyd Mayweather fight.
When do the famous people come?
Oh, right before the main event, yeah.
This is what I was looking at when I was there.
I was like, when are the famous people going to get in here and sit down?
Because famous people for boxing matches, they just come for Floyd.
They just come maybe for the last two if the last two are big fights, but rarely.
But they want everybody to see them coming in.
Exactly.
They want to see you wearing the crazy outfits and you get caught.
The famous people here for the entire main card.
Not just the last two fights.
Probably the last four fights or five fights.
Mike Tyson.
Tyson.
Dwayne Wade.
Dwayne Wade.
They had the Nelk Boys in there.
They had Johnny Knoxville, Mark Wahlberg.
I mean, allk Boys in there. They had Johnny Knoxville, Mark Wahlberg. I mean, it was all of them were there.
This whole section for them is there, and it's fucking rampacked for the whole main
card.
And I'm looking around, and we were all talking.
We're like, what is going on here?
There wasn't a second of distraction.
They had light show going on.
They had music constantly.
The music was good.
It wasn't bullshit.
You felt like you were at a concert.
I think they had a DJ, like a live DJ dj that was in the back yeah okay that makes sense now he didn't
have a booth where you saw him but he was paying attention enough to like the people that he was
entertaining and the whole experience was fucking unreal and i'm looking at this and i'm like this
is what you get when you have one institution controlling it back in the day when the fights
were on uh hbo or showtime there was
different promoters that would end up doing those fights sometimes it was promoted at don king
sometimes it was bob arum and they were in partnership with hbo but it's harder to be
consistent in the production you put out if you don't know what that producer wants to cough up
for that production when you are the ufc you control every dollar coming in and out. And they have invested in making that live show a fucking unbelievable.
And I mean, it was just so good, dude.
It was just so good through and through.
As someone who performs live for a living, I look at other live performances and I'm like, how are they going to keep these people entertained?
It was amazing.
Like you didn't want to do watching a basketball game sucks compared to it sucks
like i can't wait to leave and get a drink or something when i'm watching a basketball game
as long as it's not the fourth quarter yeah i'm like this is boring like whatever like unless it's
a super heated playoff game or something this was non-stop distraction stimulus and it was the best
live event in the fight game that i've seen it's funny you say that because even watching i had to
tape the games because i was editing this weekend the playoff games even watching i was like let's
just fast forward to the fucking fourth let's just go and football is masterful and i'm 30 seconds
ahead every okay there's a play let's go i don't need to hear commentary and football you're like
yeah it's the most exciting to watch on tv you red zoned it yourself yeah i was like let's just get
to get and the games were fucking amazing yeah but i was like it it's two quarters. Do I really need to watch the first half?
Yeah.
And UFC, you're going to sit for the whole thing.
And I was curious as you were talking,
what would Mike Tyson say about a UFC live event versus a boxing live?
Interesting.
I would actually like to hear, as a fucking boxing fanatic that he is,
is he still more entertained by UFC?
If so, why?
Yeah, that's a great question.
I don't know.
We got to get him on and ask him. I don't know. Again, outsider, I think UFC,
it seems like they do a great job of hyping up the undercards that were good fights.
And I think boxing tries, but UFC seems to successfully do it.
It's hard because you're not as invested in those people because you might not promote them.
And oftentimes with boxing, it's two promoters working together. So each promoter has this
list of fighters. Neither one of them wants to see them lose because one loss in boxing is the equivalent
of like 10 losses in UFC, right?
So it's like, why would they work together to make sure it's a good fight?
So then the other person that you get is some tomato can that your guy can beat up and that's
boring.
Every one of these UFC fights is competitive.
They know if they put on a good show and that they'll be back out there.
And the UFC is invested in promoting every single one of their fighters that
they have under contract.
Yeah.
And even if you lose,
if you fight your ass off,
you're valiant and then we'll,
you'll watch you.
It'll be like a win.
It'll be an emotional win.
100%.
Huh?
I dude,
it was,
yeah.
I mean,
what did you think,
Mark?
Yeah.
I mean,
it's insane.
Like you're captivated the whole time.
We were there for what?
Four or five hours.
Yeah.
And there's only like an hour of action.
Yep.
Like altogether between all the fights and
all the rounds yeah so it has like this really great capability of like you're sitting there
like you can kind of hang in between yeah like there's something to watch so you don't have to
necessarily talk you can like network yeah and then the fight starts and it's just locked in
yeah watching the most intense like intense like melee yeah and then it just breaks up throughout
the night it's really awesome and then the fans in Anaheim specifically were great. Listen, if it's
a professional
fight that doesn't
have Mexicans, don't even
go.
After you're in an arena
full of Mexican fans, dude,
this is what soccer
fans must get in Europe.
That kind of love, connectivity.
South America. Maybe the most insane fan base of any sport ever. The best. That kind of love, connectivity. South America. Maybe the most
insane fan base of any sport ever.
The best. So much fucking love.
So much past.
You can't do it. There's one of the
fighters' names was Brandon Moreno. So an entire
arena full of Mexicans is screaming,
Let's go, Brandon!
Right? And it's just
the only time that that happens. There's zero politics
involved. It was just like the energy was fucking unreal man you need you need mexicans or like a culturally
in sync group of people that is just so fucking fervent as a fan yeah uh as like a fan base
for a fight i'm sure like filipinos are the same way with manny pacquiao or like puerto ricans when
it was boxing but like that just makes it so much more special.
Right.
Like, every go.
Speaking of that, like, how would you compare it to the Lucha Libre?
Ooh, interesting.
That was entertaining the whole way through.
I mean, it's a similar vibe, but, like, there's just way higher stakes.
Yes.
You know, like, you watch the Lucha Libre, like, just being able to sit back in your chair, like, oh, wow, this is fun.
Lucha Libre, for everybody that's listening, that is the, like wwe but in mexico yeah we went for uh andrew's
bachelor party's the one event i didn't leave early but yeah that that is great oh yeah the
one i didn't leave early oh yeah yeah yeah but you watch it it's like oh yeah i can just sit
back and enjoy like this almost like soap opera type thing yeah it's like a tv novella but then
if you go to the ufc fight it's like you can't look away. I don't even know anyone.
It's literally Lucha Libre
if
they could become bloody
and unconscious.
Lucha Libre has to do... Unscripted. Yeah, it's unscripted.
Lucha Libre has to do these
really cool theatrical stunts.
They have choreographed pieces.
Yeah, exactly. Of a wrestling match.
It's dance in a lot of ways
like this crazy gymnastics and we would get really excited i think based on the level of difficulty
of those tricks and that's the stakes and those are the people who famously died like la parca
died doing a stunt in an actual match oh i didn't know that yeah i'm pretty sure holy shit and so
that's the stakes you're watching for exactly and now those stakes are baked into every interaction
yeah but
it's just they fucking get it dude and it was one of those things where like like mark and i are
sitting there we're watching it and like all we're thinking is like oh how can we incorporate this
into how can we make our shows as entertaining through and through you know what can we and dude
one of the coolest things i'm hyped right now on this but one of the coolest things was really
interesting we're sitting we're watching it right how are the seats a matter a phenomenal they did a great job they did a great
job and um we're sitting we're watching it and uh we look left now if you're watching the octagon
right here we look left and there's the the door to leave the arena right and through the door you see an ambulance it is the first
thing outside the door and it's not left there like intentionally to like scare people watching
of course it just so happened that it was right there when we looked over but it's this beautiful
reminder of the carnage that exists in the ring like and the stakes in the stakes it's like this
is so dangerous,
the ambulance needs to be right outside the door.
Right.
Because if something bad happens,
every second counts.
Right.
And I think they should do
that shit on purpose.
Yeah.
Like,
it's just a beautiful reminder.
Like,
this shit ain't a game.
Yeah.
Like,
you think it's a game,
everybody's talking all that shit,
you think it's WWE,
there's a fucking ambulance there.
Yeah.
And somebody's leaving
in a stretcher.
My favorite part of the fight was that, it wasn't any of the fighters, it wasn't anything that happened in the octagon, all that shit you think it's wwe there's a fucking amp yeah and somebody's leaving a stretch my fair
part of the fight was that wasn't any of the fighters wasn't any like anything that happened
in the octagon it was that one person had a better seat than you oh yeah yeah yeah yeah
shout out to fucking shane gillis man
i hope he talks about it on his podcast but it it was so funny. So we, listen, I've rolled, I've rolled deep.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
I rolled deep no matter what, because I am very grateful.
Like, you know, where I am in this business is a product of everybody's work.
Right.
So I want everybody to experience these things.
Right.
Um, and, but I was so fucking tight.
So I told Joe, right.
I told, I told Rogan, I was like, yo, we're going to the fight.
We'll see you there.
And he goes, yo, do you need me to get you seats?
And I was like, well, the UFC reached out and they wanted to get seats.
And I don't want to, you know, I don't want to, what is it, like,
bite the hand that feeds you, that kind of thing?
You don't want to be disrespectful.
Yeah, I don't want to be disrespectful.
It was really nice for them to offer seats.
You know what I mean?
And we're coming through with five people.
So it's nice of them to put up. But then I hit him. And we're coming through with five people, so it's nice to put up.
But then I hit him.
I was like, I mean, but do you think yours are going to be better?
Right?
Now, what he says to me is, I'm sure they'll be in the same area.
And I was like, okay, cool.
You can't question that.
Even if that sounds like there's going to be better seats than mine, you can't be like,
yeah, but are they going to be better than my specific room?
Then you seem like a dick, bro.
We go, they give us
five seats we have two on the floor right right and then there's three up on the uh like perfect
it's like section 208 but it's actually like the middle it's like center court if you're at the
basketball court and looking right in the ring it's awesome objectively better seat at 208 yeah
it was like i went and watched a
few fights with you guys there and i was like this is a much better viewing line it's done it's right
behind like all the vip people like all the announcers you're looking at johnny knoxville's
head you're looking at tyson's head you're looking at everybody coming it was fucking on the floor we
were looking up half the time at the screens at the screen yeah it is just because of the angle
and everything now the energy on the floor is really cool you're walking right up to the gate
you're saying hi to bruce buffer right at the gate. You know, Rogan, DC, they're right there.
He's saying what's up.
It's just, it's awesome.
But I saw fucking Shane.
I'm like, this motherfucker.
Shane is like basically coaching the fighters.
Like Shane could spit into the ring from his chair.
100%.
If he laughed hard drinking a Bud Light, he would spit the Bud Light on the fighters 100%.
And I didn't know where he was.
I was like, because Rogan said he was there.
I was like, yo, where are you?
And then I just saw his dumb head fucking pop up.
He literally pops up from like right behind one of the cameras.
Like he's so close.
He's so close.
And I was like, this motherfucker, dude.
I should have cooked in the goddamn tickets from Joe.
I walk up to go say hi.
I go up.
I'm like, yo, come to the banister.
I walk up. He walks over and a security guard'm like yo come to the banister i walk up
he walks over and a security guard goes sir you can't bother the people on this side bro shane
we all kind of dressed up i was furious we dressed up shane's wearing like a hoodie and like a
pennsylvania shipping solutions like literally like he looks like he's there to fix the ring
so yeah the fence broke a little bit dude it was so funny and i hope he talks about
this on his pod but like the night before he got to hang out with nate diaz and his boys oh like
they just went out oh i hope he talks about he probably fit in perfectly bro the stories are
hilarious the stories are fucking hilarious but uh i hope he talks about and then we went and
grabbed some dinner afterwards that was fun and then i drank too much red wine and i just uh
violently vomited at an airport bathroom for fucking yeah what so all i know is we were trying to set up a zoom call to meet about
what we're gonna talk about today and then andrew goes i just threw up everywhere in the airport
bathroom and then he i talked to him an hour later and he's like yeah there's literally vomit coming
out of the sides of the stall into the other stalls like the shining just fucking red
out of the elevator it really was it was pure red a little bits of broccoli
projectile vomiting right and i understand why people like put their face right over the toilet
because like i was vomiting from a standing position so it was just going everywhere
i don't know i have a penis i pee directly in it but it came out like a girl's pussy like it was
just like how girls pee it just splattered everywhere i saw both shoes on either sides of the stalls next to me seawalk out of the way 100 i was vomiting all
over both of their feet oh my god the thing about throwing up on someone is they can't attack you
because they'll just get even more throw up on yeah yeah yeah so i just stood there fucking throwing up i ate yeah i ate some
bread vol got me a bagel and uh and some toast and i and i and i rallied and i got on that flight
right yeah then you took a six hour flight and then i took a six hour flight that was before
the right before the flight shit yeah absolutely brutal yeah i was absolutely brutal yeah what was
the fight of the night by the way the The actual fight of the night or our pick?
Our pick, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I am curious about Francis, too, because he's a homie,
and I heard he wasn't supposed to win, and he won.
Yeah, the Francis-Gon fight was really...
I literally just read Twitter, and then people were like,
oh, he won, and I was like, okay, bad.
Yeah, he won.
I thought he won on points.
I thought Gon was really good, but what Francis did is,
and I didn't realize this, is that he had this element,
but he basically just took him down. He was getting outstruck and then he just said i'm bigger
than you yeah i did not exceed like oh yeah francis is gonna wrestle the wrestler like don
has a wrestling like uh martial arts background yeah i think uh he would do like muay thai yeah
he had like muay thai fights and actually like if i'm going to the ground i don't want to go to the
ground with this guy yeah francis Francis goes, I don't care.
And just leans on him.
Leans on him and just, I mean, it was really, it was really interesting to see him switch that gear.
And it was funny because like the day before, there was a video came out with DC, you know,
DC, Daniel Cormier.
And Daniel Cormier is like always teasing the fighters when he's always like pretends
to wrestle.
Like he's like a real gym dude.
You can tell.
You know, it's like you ever go to the boxing gym and a guy starts like shadowboxing
for you like that's just their communication uh skills or whatever and he did that and then
francis kind of like blocked the takedown and france and uh dc's like oh he's a wrestler now
he's a wrestler now and then literally the next day wrestling is what wins him that fight
and this is an interesting thing because he's the UFC champ without
any contract to fight anymore.
Yeah, it's fascinating. So we could
see the UFC not renew his
contract and then a UFC
champ gets stripped of their title
for nothing more than not being able to have
more fights
on a contract. So he
technically didn't really lose it in the ring.
So even if
he's not fighting anymore that's still the real ufc champ yeah and he wants to box yeah he wants
to he wants the big money fight with tyson fury and and of course the ufc is going i don't want
to let my fighters be able to just go box whenever they want because if i give them that contract
then they're all going to ask for the same thing right now i'm sure just like what happened with floyd uh uh you know and connor i'm sure if they made
a big money fight and the ufc got a piece of that a significant piece which is what happened with
connor that they could work something out but there was a lot of stakes on this fight he loses
he has no negotiation leverage gone oh shit yeah but he did the damn thing he did the fucking damn
he is like i mean he's just gotta be pound for pound did the damn thing he did the fucking damn thing he is like
i mean he's just gotta be pound for pound like the baddest man on the planet undeniable right
like insane power size reach like fight iq was good yeah like fought with a torn mcl completely
and strange acl happened a few weeks ago and he's like i don't want to pull out of the fight and i noticed i saw him wearing these like knee yeah and i thought something was really smart
if you hurt one of your knees yeah yeah if you hurt one of your knees and you put a knee brace
on just one if i'm fighting you after that knee i'm attacking that knee if you hurt one of your
knees and put them on both i'm going ah yeah maybe his knees are sore from training but there's not actual significant damage
yeah to one of them and even then you might forget even during the fight which one it is
fuck so i thought that was a pretty smart tactic what a hostage right yeah and then it was insane
watching that fight directly after brandon moreno yeah like going from super heavyweight, biggest guys in the fucking, you know, institution
to, like, from the smallest guys to the biggest guys.
Yeah.
Like, seeing the fight style change.
Completely.
Yeah.
Really interesting.
Yeah, it was just, it was great.
It was a lot of fun.
And I'm curious to see what happens.
I hope that he is able to fight Tyson Fury.
Yeah.
I think a knockout would have really propelled
that fight further, but...
I mean, I just, I would love to see him. Does he have a chance? Does he have any chance against
Tyson Fury boxing?
I want to say no. Didn't you call
Tyson Fury the greatest heavyweight ever? I think.
And Francis Ngannou is going to
win? You've never seen Francis Ngannou fight? I've also
never seen Francis Ngannou fight.
You know what was interesting? Ben Uyeda
had an interesting story. Our buddy Ben, we talk about on this podcast a lot.
We love Ben.
He came with us, and he posted on his story,
of the seven billion people on the planet,
these two guys are the best at fighting.
That's crazy.
Or like the most dominant fighter, something like that,
like can beat up everything.
Those two guys in the ring that we saw,
of all the human beings on the planet,
can fuck up the most people. Every single now that's pretty crazy vol was saying he's gonna put john jones in there but we don't know john jones has never fought at heavyweight he
says john jones could take both of them he he says it but so far we don't know and like we saw with
like we saw with izzy when he went up and wait and fought yon and like we've seen so
many times when boxers go up and wait it is difficult yeah it is very it doesn't matter
how incredibly technically nobody's more technically skilled than izzy yeah but there's
a certain point in time where 40 pounds exactly what you said francis did to uh gan on that uh
that's what happened to izzy the guy just leaned on him 40 pounds is 40 pounds bro yeah
yeah but it was it was pretty if john jones came back would francis not go box and would he be
like all right here's a super fight i can make my money here i think the big money fight is tyson
and i hope that they work it out it'll just be fun for the fans i think the thing that they need
to do is make sure it's less rounds eight rounds you know what i'm saying 12 is crazy 12 is crazy 12 is is it's not even gonna be fun eight rounds of heavyweights even
if one of them can't fight there's fucking slugging each other that'd be fun i think that
that's what we might see i think when you when there's less rounds you have uh far more uh time
to exhaust your cardio yeah because you're not worried about carrying it out right but you're
not saving something yeah right like a six round fight like if you look at amateurs three round
fights they're going fucking crazy yeah you know so i would love to see it we'll see what happens
all right guys we'll take a break for a second because i gotta make sure your dicks are hard
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back to the show all right what else we got all right can we talk about these slutty m&ms yes
oh yeah yes let's talk about these candy coated sluts okay that's a lot but the mars wrigley
company came out and said that they're rebranding the M&M.
Not in her mouth, not in her hand.
Yeah, boy.
The M&M logo as well as the M&M characters.
Wait, Mars Wrigley are the owners?
Yeah.
And their products are doing the worst.
What do you mean?
Like Mars nobody eats?
No.
Like a Mars bar?
Snickers is Mars.
But it's Mars.
No, I'm saying Mars specifically.
The Mars bar nobody eats. Butterfinger nobody eats. But Mars. And then Wrigley, like the Wrig Snickers is Mars. But it's Mars, but they weigh. No, I'm saying Mars specifically. The Mars bar, nobody eats.
Butterfinger, nobody eats.
But Mars, and then Wrigley, like the Wrigley gum is done.
Nobody's getting 25 cent gum.
They don't know there's things.
What I'm saying is they're not taking care of the original brands that they built.
Yeah.
I mean, they just moved on to the new heat.
That's what it was.
They just moved on.
They just left it.
Sluts they are.
Yeah.
That's some slutty behavior.
Trifling ass
chocolates i'm just saying like it makes sense now it completely makes sense so they came out
with the new m&ms and it's got people pissed off so you can see just based off the top that was the
old design okay so there's just like some minor changes the yellow m&m was wearing kind of like
trash ass like kids and now he's got like ones i think okay um the orange guy is like slightly
less anxious but still concerned and uh the brown m&em still kind of got the same thing you can see she went
from less of like a stiletto kind of like a chunk here like more like a kitten and then leggings
yeah yeah got the leggings and then the biggest one is the green eminem that everyone's pissed
about because she had them boots them sexy ass boots yeah she's yo she was a joint bro
she kind of was yeah and green eminem, dog. All they did was make them not
white.
What do you mean? Oh, wow.
Yeah, they were all white before,
and then they just took away the color of their skin. They just gave them
leggings. You don't know what they are. But then boots,
that Green M&M. Was the Green M&M a girl
or Russell Brand?
And now they just
with leggings and then just some sneakers.
So they're basically removing the gender or just trying to make them less sexual?
What the company said is that they're trying to make the characters and the mascots more representative of their consumer base in a post-COVID world.
More positivity associated with it.
Like the red M&M who was always a bully to people is now less so.
Less angry, more accepting, less of a curmudgeon less funny why don't why don't
they just do that why do they have to why don't they have to have this big rollout let's just do
it nobody cares because then you can get some pr and remind people that they want to eat m&ms this
is advertising so that's what this is yeah well if you want to know the why we can get to that also
yes the why is more interesting to me because that Mars is currently in a child slavery lawsuit.
What?
In West Africa.
Yeah.
So wait a minute.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
So wait a minute.
I'm just clapping.
It's just such a funny redirect.
Yeah.
That's such a...
Kudos to you guys for redirecting from child slavery to taking the heels down on the brown
M&M.
Yeah.
So apparently in like West Africa, like Mali,
fucking Ivory Coast,
Burkina Faso,
Mars,
Nestle,
and Hershey pledged to stop
using child labor
and they haven't been able
to diminish it.
How are they using
the child labor?
What do you mean?
What if they're taste testers?
I mean,
what a great job.
That actually could be
a good job.
If you're a child labor worker
and then you have to come to work
and just eat like
almond M&Ms, you have to eat peanut M&Ms.
If you have to eat the pretzel ones, the caramel ones.
You got to see which M&Ms are sexiest.
That's a fun job.
Yeah.
100%.
Yeah.
I mean, so many people I believe in those countries are starving to death.
And for a living, you actually get to taste things.
You get to eat things.
I mean, this is.
That would be good, actually.
Phenomenal.
I think they're just mining cocoa beans out of the earth, though.
Oh.
Yeah.
It's a little different.
It's a little different. So they're getting the cocoa. out of the earth, though. Oh. Yeah, it's a little different. It's a little different.
So they're getting the cocoa.
Yeah, that's what it seems like.
Any reason you got to use kids?
Are their hands more able to?
Is there at least a logical reason?
They love chocolate the most, and they can just sniff it out.
And also because of how impoverished the areas are,
a lot of parents will just be like, yo, my kid's 14.
We're poor.
Go to these guys.
And these basically traffickers will take
a bunch of kids go farm all these cocoa say hey you're all 19 now and uh send the money back to
their parents wow it's a little dicey but they're doing this i imagine for many different brands
they just happen to be buying the nuts yeah exactly or the chocolate from this place exactly
so what we're hoping is that they do
the same due diligence that like we want apple to do or like we'll find out where you get your
cobalt from because the cobalt mine could be mined by slaves yeah got you but they just go who has
chocolate for the lowest price here they probably get their chocolate from a thousand different
places around the country that's why it's like nestle mars and hershey now if they own the mines
that's where shit gets fucked up.
Yeah, I'm not sure if they do or don't.
That'd be wild.
So all I have to say-
Is it a mine?
A field?
Yeah, I don't know if it's in a mine.
Chocolate mines, dude.
What?
Is there a chocolate mine?
Yeah, it's where you get chocolate.
Fucking chocolate mines.
Coming with the light on it?
100%.
Wait, what do you mean?
Have you seen a chocolate mine?
Yes.
Where are they?
It's all different parts of Africa.
You haven't seen Willy Wonka's, bro? Yeah. 100%. And how do they get it out? There's caves, mines. He was using child labor. yes where are they it's all different parts of the africa you never seen willie wonka bro yeah
yeah 100 and how do they get it out caves he was using child labor that's fucked up bro willie
wonka was not children oh that's my bad i didn't know that all right we don't know yeah let's be
honest we have no fucking clue i mean they were slaves for sure yeah he had chocolate slaves yeah
very different different type of chocolate slaves but those people are had chocolate slaves. Yeah. Very different.
Different type of chocolate slaves, but those people are actually chocolate slaves.
But now, despite the fact that they're trying to squash this massively big human rights issue with just some benign marketing, all the media pundits have jumped on it.
The funniest-
Of course.
We don't care about real things.
Let's care about M&Ms.
Exactly.
The funniest and the best one was Tucker Carlson. Yeah, yeah he went so good he's gonna have bars okay bus it the other
big change is that the brown m&m has quote transition from high stilettos to lower block
heels also less sexy that's progress m&ms will not be satisfied until every last cartoon character
is deeply unappealing and totally androgynous.
Until the moment you wouldn't want to have a drink with any one of them.
That's the goal.
When you're totally turned off, we've achieved equity.
They've won.
Man, they've won.
When he's turned off by cartoon candies.
He's really trying to fucking M&M, I think.
Yeah.
And then this is another clip.
Knowledge and embrace his anxiety and actually if you look at him the orange eminem does appear very anxious
maybe he doesn't like all the ugly new shoes he sees around him maybe he liked the sexy boots
maybe the orange eminem is a secret sexist himself we don't know we're gonna let npr get to the bottom
all right so what's your take eminem
rebrand i'm just relieved because this whole time we've been wondering about tucker carlton's
sexuality actually makes the most sense this guy fucks cartoons yeah doesn't he look like a guy
who would fuck anime like jerk off anime point all of a sudden it adds up you wouldn't fuck anime
point if you could i mean it'd probably be the best i don't you think so yeah 100 because it
could be anything you want you know i mean yeah
or just what's there like you wouldn't take down mrs incredible just get behind that back
yeah no of course 100 march simpson march simpson no chance you've seen those ads right
you've seen those ads no she's super stacked yeah the mom from family guy you've seen those ones
oh yeah she had a super fatty and this crazy dumper yeah anyway yeah what do i
think about this i just hate this shit but now i know that they're doing it on purpose they're
doing it so that we talk about it yeah i can't really hate it that much because it's working
yeah it's what is it called um uh cancel marketing there's another one outrage marketing it's like do
something that people are going to get outraged by and just like you said you're like you know
what it's fucked up that they're changing the colors of M&Ms or they're changing the characteristics
of the personalities.
You brought up Mars bars.
When was the last time anybody ever heard anyone talk about a fucking Mars bar?
In the variety pack.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it's the worst one.
I think they phased it out last year, too.
Yeah.
I've never eaten a Mars bar.
Milky Way, sure.
Mars bar, get out of here.
Do you think it's racist that they don't have a white M&M?
They do have a white M&M.
Which one?
Not a logo, not a spokesperson.
Which one's white?
The anxious one.
It's more racist than that.
Is that the Jewish guy?
Yeah, that's the Jewish one.
That's the Jewish M&M.
Wait, what is inside the orange M&M?
This is also, if it's a pretzel?
Are they making me thirsty?
are they making me thirsty let me find out that m&ms are actually anti-semitic whoa and they're attributing certain
characteristics to these m&ms so that they can be racist homophobic and anti-semitic what was that
that was my bad i was about to i was about to show you how sexy this green m&m used to be okay
bust it so this is i think the biggest shame of the whole thing is
that it feels like there's slut shame in the green eminem who historically has always been kind of a
piece introducing raspberry almond m&m's premiums all right girls premium chocolate with luscious
almonds and the sweet taste of raspberries it's your heart's desire in chocolate whoa
all the boys just bricked up watching yeah it does
and now she's wearing like fuckingverse. Yeah, that was fire.
Tucker Carlson.
He had it right, bro.
Yeah, Tucker had it right.
This was a sexy woman with a shapely figure.
This was a woman that was proud of her body, and she made it work, and you are going to shame her.
How dare you?
Yeah, that's disgusting.
How dare you?
You think that's slut-shaming her?
I think it's slut-shaming.
It's slut-shaming.
It's anti-body positivity.
She's not a thin woman. She's round. round she's circular and she's proud of her curves all curve she's proud of her curve yeah they fucking got us again didn't they
they got us a god are you gonna stop buying m&ms no i just love them i just love them i love them
i love them they're so good so great peanut m them. I love them. They're so good.
Peanut M&Ms, I feel healthy.
It's like my healthy snack.
Like I won't eat a Snickers at the hotel, but I think peanut M&Ms are healthy because it's just all nuts.
What about almond?
Almond is the way to go.
The best.
Almond is the best.
The almond M&M, nothing's better.
Nothing's better.
Chocolate covered almonds, greatest snack.
Greatest snack. I don't care
what they are. Chocolate-covered almonds, they could be
anxious. They could be sluts.
You know what I mean? They could be wearing heels.
They could be wearing flats. It doesn't matter. I'm eating them
all up. Why do you disagree, Al? You have a problem
with the M&M choice?
Oh, no. I thought you were a pretzel guy. Which one are you going to take down?
Just the way he was talking about M&M. Would you smash green
or the brown one? Both.
Double time? Yeah, and that little anxious one, too. over here get on over here sweet pie you know i'm saying
i like the red yeah so this chick for the rolling stone put out an article okay the title of the
article is let the green eminem be a nasty little slut yes i like that that's the title this is the
last paragraph here the green eminem the green eminem has spent decades building her brand as
a horny, sexy bitch.
For what?
For her creators to give her Larry David footwear in the name of feminism?
For Mars Wrigley to give themselves pats on the back and big fat fucking raises at the
next corporate retreat in Palo Alto?
Guess what?
The green M&M is a feminist.
And she's a dirty slut.
We are real.
We exist.
And we refuse to tolerate this disgusting attempt at erasure.
We are given so little and we have tolerated so much.
Let the green M&M keep her go-go boots let her get blackout and
suck dick in the bathroom at acme on a wednesday this is what we want this is what we deserve this
is what she deserves who's this widely specific yeah who's this also the bathrooms at acme aren't
great for getting dick sucked that's what you got sometimes though yeah there's different places
the smith yes but
but not acme why not what the hell is acme i thought that was that coyote roadrunner shit
no no no no acme is a place in new york oh yeah um but uh oh this is interesting here what does
she look like who's this girl ej dixon great writer oh she should write one of them like novellas yeah
yeah novellas or whatever what do they call it
she should write one of them i mean she's great i was like medium brick just reading that right
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Now let's get back to the show.
Okay.
Enough with these M&Ms.
Can we talk about the greatest weekend in NFL history?
Yes.
Holy shit.
It truly was.
It truly was.
I wish I had nothing to do this weekend so i could just
fucking watch every game and do jack shit every single game was good is tom brady jesus tom brady
boy they got him yeah he's he might you know what he lost but i think the packers losing and aaron
rogers losing showed us how good tom Brady is. How great Tom Brady is.
Because Aaron Rodgers lost to the San Francisco 49ers, who were a good team,
but they legit squeaked into the playoffs.
They barely got in.
And the Packers were at home.
In the snow.
In the snow, which to be fair, does normally hurt a good quarterback.
And I think if Rodgers leaves Green Bay for like a dome,
he'll be on another fucking level even than what he already was.
But you're still at home.
And he had, with five minutes left, he had two drives to seal or win the game.
Didn't do it either time.
Went three and out the first time.
I think three and out the second time.
And that's how San Francisco won.
So Green Bay's up 10 to three.
They go three and out.
Aaron Rodgers misses a wide open receiver, tries to force the ball downfield.
They have to punt.
Punt gets blocked.
Return for a touchdown.
10-all.
Then he has another drive.
This is his time at home to seal the win.
Let's fucking, hey, I'm talking cash shit about Joe Biden.
I'm doing interviews on ESPN saying I'm canceled.
This is your time to fucking do it.
And then he flops again.
And then San Francisco gets the ball back
and Jimmy fucking Garoppolo
drives down for a game-winning field goal.
And Aaron Rodgers lost.
Talked all the shit in the world,
took on everybody,
and fucking lost at home.
The Bucs were down 27-6.
Tom Brady's offensive line's
getting their asses kicked.
All of his receivers are hurt
except for one who's playing hurt.
The other two are gone.
A.B. left the fucking team.
His other guy, Chris Godwin,
really good.
He's out for the year,
torn ACL.
Brady fights back,
ties the fucking game.
And even though the defense
had forced a lot of turnovers,
they blew a lot of coverages.
And at the very end of the game,
they blow a coverage
and then Matthew Stafford
completes a pass
and they win on like
the last second.
It'd be your own people, bro.
I know.
It'd be your own fucking people. It'd be your own fucking be your own that's why he's jesus i'm the fucking bucks defensive coordinator is judas bro
he judas no that safety is judas he got destroyed in two straight plays by the same guy by cup
cooper cup yeah so cup killed him on that one play but you can't single cover this guy well
this how good he is? Yeah.
Odell Beckham's not even complaining about not getting the ball.
Oh, wow. Because he's like, this guy.
Is the truth.
He's the truth, and him and Stafford got a crazy connection.
Odell Beckham just over there getting touchdowns when he gets them,
and it's all good.
He hasn't once complained about not getting the ball.
He played with Jarvis Landry in Cleveland, who's a beast, and he's here,
and he's like, hey, this guy might be MVP.
He gets the ball.
Is he that good?
Wide wide receiver that good?
Wide wide receiver.
This is shocking.
Fucking great.
Baller.
People are talking about him as MVP.
You just said Julian Edelman.
Don't do that.
Don't do that.
Don't do that.
That's the king, bro.
That's the half brain.
Julian Edelman really is top Jew, isn't he?
That is the king, bro.
It is true.
Let us have him.
That's their Gandhi.
That's your Gandhi. bro. It is true. Let us have one. That's their Gandhi. That's your Gandhi.
100%.
100%.
Okay, in terms of like athletes, I get that's why it's important to you.
But Cooper Cup, this is different.
Cooper Cup is legit.
People are talking about a receiver as MVP.
That doesn't happen often ever.
I never remember one winning, and I can remember like two or three times I've even talked about it in my lifetime.
Wow.
I remember Calvin Johnson and then like probably Jerry Rice way back in the day or something probably but this guy is
fucking incredible and he just beat brady that's how good he is he beat brady i mean dude brady
did everything man i watched the end of it and i was screaming on the plane yeah oh my god and like
i mean it was just unbelievable i couldn't't believe it. When Brady tied the game, also great play call to tie the game.
Yes, on a fourth down rush.
Leonard Fournette had a great game.
But great play call, tie the game.
I won fear with most of these games.
Oh, they left him too much time at the end.
14 seconds.
That was the Chiefs game, 13 seconds.
Oh, how much time did they leave?
I want to say it was like 40 seconds for the Rams, something like that.
Yeah.
It was like 40 seconds, a little bit more, a minute maybe.
It was more time.
But the Chiefs game is legitimately the best playoff game I've ever seen in my life.
I need you to go over the Chiefs game because I missed the Chiefs game.
Okay.
But just to wrap up the Tom Brady discussion, it was like, it's just such a letdown that
he did exactly what he needed to do to maintain his legacy.
And this bum safety got ripped twice.
First of all, how do you even design a defense that allows the best receiver in the league,
the MVP, to go one-on-one with your safety?
That's what everybody's saying.
Not even the fucking corner.
So here's the thing.
When you blitz, you know, you got 11 guys in a football team.
When you blitz, you send more people at the quarterback, but then there's less people
covering receivers.
Everybody's asking, why do we need to sack the quarterback if they got to complete basically a 30, 40-yard pass
to get into field goal range?
Just cover the receivers.
I think the argument behind that is it's going to make the quarterback pass.
If you give him more time, his guys can get further down the field.
But if you got mad people 30 yards downfield,
he'll pick up 15, 16, and it won't be enough time.
You play the sidelines ideally, and then you play the deep route.
So you just let him have the middle of the field,
and then you'll see if you can get this done.
You probably can't.
But they did let him have the middle of the field.
That's where he completed the first play and the second.
Don't have extra defenders playing deep.
So you have a guy over the top when Cooper Cup is running deep,
and then that guy can break up the pass.
Well, that guy fucking bummed it up because they did have him deep.
It was the safety.
They have a second guy is what I'm saying.
He pressed. Yes. It's like, what are you doing yeah you should be backpedaling you
should have a guy pressing and another guy yes so press him so he can't even yeah but really get
his right off yeah exactly and like i mean it was just an absolutely horrendous call what's crazy
is tom brady there's a quote i saw during the game it came up where people are saying he might retire
and he's saying like he says in the quote uh I don't know if we're going to win.
I don't think we're going to win the Super Bowl this year.
He like says it blatantly.
I don't think this is the year we win the Super Bowl.
Which is crazy.
Because I think he knew this team has beat the fuck up.
We got it last year.
I think a lot of people are content with that.
I might not be, but a lot of people are.
We brought everybody back.
So you didn't get to replace those guys with new hungry motherfuckers.
There's honor in defending it, but only to a point.
You start getting beat up.
It's like, eh, these other guys are hungrier.
They've never been.
The Rams never been.
Matthew Stafford, this is his first real shot at a Super Bowl.
So he's in it.
He's about it.
Let's go.
Okay, break down the-
Do you think it was dumb of him to cut A.B.?
He could have used the target.
I mean, yes, he absolutely could have used the target i don't i mean yes he absolutely could use the
target but it's not like he didn't get there like he did what he needed to do he scored enough
points he put his team in position you know what i think was dumb they didn't try to sign odell
beckham when because they had antonio brown and to me odell beckham is a problem but if he's playing
with tom brady i think he straightens the fuck up. And then Tom Brady can do miracles with that guy.
I thought they should have signed him
because they could have gotten him pretty cheap,
but they were like, oh, we got AB.
AB could go.
Okay, break down the Chiefs game.
So I'm watching the Chiefs game
and it is, I think, 23 to 29
with like two minutes left in the game.
Chiefs score, no, it's 26 to 21 i think the chiefs are up buffalo drives down the field
and scores with like four minutes left it's 29 to 26 they complete a two-point conversion
chiefs it's like four minutes left three minutes left whatever it is they complete a long pass out
of nowhere to tyree kill who's a fucking human video game he scores a touchdown i think like 65
yards it's like a 12-yard pass and then he just runs like a fucking joystick.
Legit, as he's running to the end of this, how fucking fast he is,
he flashes a peace sign to a guy that's in front of him.
He's in front of him making an angle at him, and Tyreek Hill is like that.
Like, I got this, bro.
It's over.
You're not going to stop me.
They score a touchdown, and then in the last two minutes of that game, I think 27 points were scored or some shit like that.
The Bucs came back down and scored.
The Chiefs scored again.
And the Bucs, I mean, sorry, the Bills completed a fourth and 16 to go up.
Fourth and 16 touchdown pass.
Chiefs score again.
And then Buffalo scores another touchdown.
They have a minute left.
They score another touchdown with 13 seconds left.
Game should be over.
The Chiefs drive 50 plus yards in 13 seconds,
kick a field goal to tie the game and then win it in overtime. It is legitimately the craziest
fucking game I've ever seen in my life. It was unreal watching that. Unbelievable. And I feel
so bad. And this is what sucks about a game like football as opposed to basketball. Josh Allen,
the quarterback of the Bills, obviously he's playing the the same conference as this guy Patrick Mahomes, who's
the fucking best player in the league right now.
They can never get past the Chiefs. He played
a perfect game. He threw
four or five
touchdowns in this game, scrambled his
ass off. I don't think he threw a pick. I don't
remember seeing an interception. Played a
perfect game. Scored what should be a game-winning
touchdown with 13 seconds left. And you should
finally say, yo, I slayed the dragon.
We got past him. Can you imagine
game seven, Kings
Lakers, when the Kings were up?
It was like that, but
he hadn't, he didn't, imagine he didn't miss a single
free throw. Imagine he's Chris Webber,
and he went perfect from the field, and
played a flawless game, was 10 for 10,
didn't have any turnovers, and then still
lost because everybody else fucked up. That's what it's's like and i don't know how you recover from that
and that's where i'm like i'm fucking heartbroken dude as a sports fan you want to see guys
achieve things yeah like as great as mahomes is you would love to see this guy get one at least
and i think this was his shot and it's done like mentally i don't think he's young but mentally i
don't think you get past that why what yeah what are you talking about because you had anything wrong yeah but you had the you had the
team you had the their offensive coordinator is the maybe the best in the league he's gonna get
a head coaching job so you're gonna lose this guy who called great plays who helped you develop a
ton as a quarterback right you did everything perfectly you had the fucking best player one
of the best players in history when it's all said and done, probably, on the ropes.
He was done.
You did everything you could, and then you still couldn't win.
I think you're looking at that like, I was perfect and still lost.
The way I look at that is, in a game specifically like football, you can only be responsible for what you do.
Yeah.
Okay, so just like Brady.
I think Brady's incredibly upset
that he lost but he's not they didn't lose because of what he did yeah i mean you could say yeah you
should have scored more points it is on you but like josh allen put his team position win and his
defense lost it for him right if he threw the pick and coaching also what they did they were
again rushing four people which is not a blitz on Patrick Mahomes. But, like, dude, rush two or three people.
Who gives a fuck about sacking him?
Cover Tyreek Hill.
Cover Jason Kelsey or Travis Kelsey.
And don't let them eat up field.
That's it.
Just keep everything short.
But they were so terrified from that Tyreek Hill touchdown earlier
that they had people playing too far back.
They made the opposite mistake of the Bucs.
They had people 30, 40 yards down field.
And they let them gobble up.
And then you let two 19, 20 yards plays happen,
and they get in field range.
Whatever, 19 and 30 or whatever it was.
And that's how.
And even just like kicking.
So, you know, they kicked like a touchback.
Didn't take any time off the clock with the kickoff.
What normally teams will do is do like a real shitty kick
to like the 20-yard line.
Let some fat-ass lineman try to run it back.
And then waste four seconds.
If you've got the best player in the world
on the other side playing quarterback,
take every second off you can.
So he got fucked by coaching.
He got fucked by his defense.
He did everything perfectly and everybody else failed.
Stefan Diggs, who I love,
last year there was this cool thing
when they lost to the Chiefs in the championship game.
He stayed on the field and watched them celebrate
as like, I want to remember how shitty this feels,
and I'm getting that next year.
The guy had one catch for seven yards this game.
So he stunk it up.
Another receiver had four touchdowns.
He could be upset, but Josh Allen is a household name after this.
Yeah, now he's a superstar.
I mean, ESPN was saying, like, everyone was ready to say,
he's Tom Brady, and then they forgot Mahomes is Mahomes.
So all he is is like, you're not Mahomes yet, maybe,
but everything else, you're perfect, and you are now a household name.
His legacy went up for sure.
I worry that if—I don't know when they get this chance again.
I mean, my guys hit me in the group chat,
and they're basically like, oh, yeah, this is Brady and Manning now.
Like, this is the one-two in the league.
And the fact that we're looking at Josh Allen as a two
when he wasn't even mentioned in the conversation before this game,
I think is a huge bump, and he's going to get that self-esteem boost
from everybody recognizing what a great game.
I mean, he even said something interesting in response to the decision.
He's like, listen, you know, it sucks to lose because I guess in overtime,
it's just first person who scores a touchdown wins.
If it's field goal, it goes back and forth.
So he goes, listen, it sucks that we lost,
but if we were in their position and we scored,
we would have won.
So you can be annoyed by the rules,
but if we'd won, we'd be incredibly happy with them.
So I thought that that was a really measured take,
especially right afterwards.
Normally people would be clamoring to change the rules and this is unfair
and give us a chance to go back and yada yada yada but i think that i think his confidence will just
be bolstered like him and mahomes also have a similar thing that i think brady has and not a
lot of quarterbacks have it i don't think rogers has it where like the whole fucking team loves
them yeah like everybody on the team loves mahomes. And I'm seeing Josh Allen after that touchdown that should have won the game fucking going nuts with his linemen.
Just like, let's fucking go.
Yeah.
Like he's the fiery one.
And that's cool to see that because you don't often see that.
Like Manning was a fucking machine.
Yeah.
Like a computer.
But I didn't see a lot of his players going nuts with him on the sidelines.
Like he's their fucking, that's their boy.
That's a rare thing.
So it will be cool if they, ande burrow's another one in that conference and this other guy justin herbert could be good
like really good but that's gonna be fun as fuck but i do hope he gets one and i i think mahomes
is so goddamn good it doesn't really matter if you can give him adequate blocking nobody can beat
him so what is your prediction i think the chiefs are going to win it if they get adequate blocking i think i think i think the rams will win against the 49ers i think the 49ers beat the
packers because the weather was so shitty it kind of nullified aaron rogers right and i think also
a lot of people are going to have takes about how aaron rogers isn't good and that's going to be fun
but like i was looking into some some stats he's without his super bowl run he's seven and nine in
the playoffs yeah even with it he's 7-9 in the playoffs.
Even with it, he's 11-9, which isn't that great.
Without Mike McCarthy, who everybody thought is the problem,
and I don't think he's a good coach, he's 2-3 in the playoffs.
This guy has not produced at a high level in the playoffs.
I think the main problem is when it's fucking freezing cold,
the ball is like a brick.
Throwing it is harder.
Catching it is harder.
Everything is harder.
So if you're the best quarterback in the league arguably one of the best of all time yeah you don't want to be playing in fucking minus 20 degree weather yeah you want to be in a nice dome so where do you think indianapolis
is probably going to make a run i think that people say he's going to go to denver or carolina
which would be fun denver denver is a little cold i would like to see him in new orleans
i don't know if peyton is going stay. There's rumors their coach might leave.
But if they would just pony up, if they could, whatever picks,
and they're way over the cap all the time but just make it work,
I would love to see Aaron Rodgers and Sean Peyton.
I would love to see that.
Ooh, interesting.
Yeah.
That would be fun.
I guess the only reason I said Denver is because Elway.
Elway.
Elway is going to go after him heavy.
They're probably going to.
Smart Money says that's where he'll go,
and then Carolina maybe,
because their owner is like new and aggressive,
and it's the coach's last chance to stay,
who I thought was going to be good,
but he doesn't seem to be, Matt Rule.
He's like, if he doesn't produce this year, he's fired.
Right.
So they're going to probably throw a ton of shit at Green Bay
and say, let's take Aaron Rodgers off your hands,
but I would personally love to see Indianapolis,
because their coach is good,
and it's a dome,
and their defense is good,
and their run game is good.
Or New Orleans just because of Sean Payton
and the defense is great.
The Bengals, no chance?
I think they have a chance, actually.
Really?
I do.
I think Joe Burrow is incredible.
I think they got a good running game.
Defense is solid.
Not spectacular, but solid.
They do their job.
And Joe Burrow got that. He just got moxie, dog do their job and joe burrow got that
he just got moxie dog i love this guy he just got that thing it's a nice confident white kid you
know yeah i remember if the rams win their next game rams have a real shot to play super bowl at
home that would be fucking incredible tampa did that last year but it was covid so nobody got to
enjoy it the rams are good man i think stafford a
lot of people don't think he's good he's good and they have a pass rush and a great cornerback they
and they got a great wide receiver two great wide receivers i think they have everything
undeniable upgrade yes i think yeah they have everything you need so i think they could do it
and we slept on them throughout the year because he's got a cannon so he can hit his receiver so
if you got a guy who could run yeah but i think they overwhelm san francisco i think even though san fran beat him twice this
year yeah i just think they're gonna win in the playoffs they're better okay okay so my pick is
san fran kc and i i'm sorry la kc and i think kc wins but i don't know um listen we have to discuss your redemption story oh yeah okay you uh the first time you
opened up for a comedy icon comedy hero of mine comedy hero of yours one of the uh most
successful comedians in history yeah many times the biggest comedian in the world
yeah uh russell peters yeah truly i would not be a
comedian if not for him brought comedy to different continents yeah to india like the whole continent
didn't know stand-up before russell peters 100 so first time you opened for him at caroline's
i ate my ass bomb that ass unbelievable just they stared at me like why is this person here how long yeah a couple days i think i don't i don't know how much time did you
do yeah yeah no it was probably seven minutes but that shit felt like a couple years yeah it
probably felt like about a year and a half i was up there and uh okay so i went there ate my ass
at caroline's and then russell who we will see soon on the flagrant 2 podcast offered me a shot at redemption at the beacon theater and man that shit was so fun this time i went out i
didn't even know what jokes i was gonna do until they started calling my name really and i was like
trying to fucking scramble and then i just kind of like closed my eyes for a second i was like what
do you want to open with listen to your gut my gut be knowing you know yeah and then i just went out
there and opened what i opened with and the shit was great it was great russell was like you killed it he was introducing me to agents afterwards
just the most generous guy on earth oh it was fucking amazing wife got to see it uh friends
got to see it my my in-laws and my parents are like texting everybody they know like oh gosh
it's opening for russell peters like this is the coolest shit they can tell their friends yeah
aside from everything else they can't text him the Alex Jones episode.
So there was just a fucking dope moment.
Thanks so much to Russell for giving me the chance.
And I'm glad I could redeem myself.
Good for you.
Yeah, man.
Isn't that funny how careers work though?
Like the thing that your family is most impressed by is not the thing that might be the best
for your career.
You know what I mean?
Like you do the Tonight Show and it's like, whoa.
Like if I did the Tonight Show, my parents would be over the moon.
Yeah. That would be the most exciting thing like and they would be
50 of the audience yeah yeah it is very funny but it was just so fucking cool for me to go back out
there and perform for indians and do well that had probably seen me bomb a few years earlier yeah it
was just cool it was also like to do well in front of someone you admire yes it sucks bombing in
front of someone you admire oh my god dude he actually watched this time i don't think he watched me
bomb i told him i bombed because i don't want to lie yeah i don't think he watched it this time he
watched and he was like yo that was great man it was so fucking cool i wish i got to see it
yeah well you guys were you know ufc yeah i wouldn't have traded it yeah i do wish i got
to see you just crush well um we are going going to have the great Russell Peters on the podcast.
Very excited to share that conversation with you guys.
This is a big deal.
This is somebody that Akash has looked up to for a while,
someone I've looked up to for a while.
This is the originator of internet comedy.
Yeah, 100%.
And he'll share some things that we didn't even know
about how much of
an originator he was in the internet space yeah so uh very excited for this interview i'm glad
that you guys could uh indulge in it without further ado here is the man the myth the legend
russell peters all right guys we're back we're back with the legend uh the legend the legend
no explanation needed uh we're here with Russell Peters, everybody.
I'm here with the future of this game.
Thank you.
A lot of people call me a YouTube stand-up.
That's weird.
Yes.
I love it. I embrace it, etc.
But I always tell them that the first person that
is the youtube stand-up the first person to really blow from youtube right because there's a
generation of people who know me blowing from youtube and social media i know you're blowing
from instagram interesting interesting yeah but you were the original youtube comedian
right i wasn't trying to be but it just. It just happened. What happened with me was
in 2004, I did
a special in 2003. In 2004,
it aired in Canada. And then
somebody, I guess people were
recording it, and then they were sending it as
files. Comedy Now.
Yeah, it was Comedy Now, but they would send it
as a file. Remember, they'd be like, yo, check this
out. And you would have to download a five-minute
clip, and it would take you 35 to 40 minutes yeah yeah yeah it's like downloading music and stuff i
watched your comedy special off of a limewire download right exactly that's how it was and
then youtube started in 2005 yeah and then somebody put the whole thing there and then ta-da
yes okay i i'm sorry i heard a story about this yeah i don't know if this is true i i heard a
story that you found out who posted i still haven't found out this is true i i heard a story that you found out who posted
i still haven't found out there's can i tell you a story about you okay many stories about how
generous you are yes but one story about you is that you found the guy who or a girl who posted
the video and then you wrote him a check no not true he would would, though. I would. Not now anymore, but I would have.
You caught me five years ago.
You would have got that check.
But now, I need a check.
So what happens?
It blows up, and then?
It blows up, but here's the thing.
It blows up, and then my biggest concern at the time is,
oh, what the fuck?
How am I going to do my act?
Oh, shit. Oh, because you used all the material. Yeah, because at the time, I what the fuck how am i gonna do my act oh because you used all the material yeah
because i you know at the time i've i'm not thinking you got it right at the beginning of
it so you don't know what what the format is and you know at that time the act i did in 2003 i had
been working on since 97 so right right i had six years to polish that act and that's why it's so
tight and so together and everything so good and that was before the times where we had to have a new special every two years yes yeah so now
whatever my next special is going to be or whenever it's going to be it's gonna be my 10th special
wow insane and i don't know how many of them actually have been special but
i'd say about three of them maybe were special dude i think you i think you know you're really
famous but i don't think you know how famous and
big and like i i thought about this for a while is it fame or is it importance because importance
because fame isn't really and fame it's importance you importance you legitimately
introduced stand-up to an entire continent india did not know what the fuck stand-up was until
russell peters i wonder if it's not only india too. Oh, that's what I'm saying. It could very well be China.
It was Asia and the Middle East.
Asia, Middle East, yeah.
His Chinese accent is so fucking good.
That's when I'm watching it like this kid who wants to dream of being a comedian but isn't.
I'm watching it.
I'm like, yo, this guy's fucking good.
I want to hate because I'm insecure.
And this guy got there first.
That's what we all do.
I mean, I don't even think it's not even real hate.
But it was so undeniable.
Like, the Indian accent, great.
Funny jokes, good vehicles, good setups.
Then the Chinese accent went out.
I was like, dude, this is a great story
with a fucking perfect Chinese accent
that you don't hear on any hacky comic.
Be a man. Yeah. So good.
There's some guy in Boston now.
Have you seen this guy? He's got, I don't know
what the fuck company it is. If it's a pizza company, but he's
got, his whole slogan is be a man. No. And I just saw him post something and he's got, I don't know what the fuck company it is. If it's a pizza company, but he's got his whole slogan is BMN.
No.
And I just saw him post something and he's got shirts that say BMN.
The exact same shirts I make at my show that I've been making at my shows for fucking almost 20 years.
It's a BMN, the Run DMC logo.
Yeah, that's fire.
And I found this guy online.
I go, hey, this motherfucker literally stole everything.
That's how famous you are, dog.
But he was a white guy.
I was like, what are you doing?
And that's how legendary you are. People steal your shit and have no idea who they're taking it from
let's like turn your phone sideways yes yes yes i remember when i saw that i go fuck why did i
think of this we did a good thing yeah and then everybody was telling i was telling uh dove in
the elevator i'm like everybody fucking went and bit that and nobody went i'm just they what they
should say is i'm gonna do a little andrew schultz right now and then turn your phone sideways yeah yeah you know it's like googling
became googling you now google things you would schultz it yeah yeah yeah but yeah i don't know
i guess there's part of me that's like this is what we do we give it out there in the world and
everybody can do what they want with it if we create something that's like a piece of technology
or like uh intellectual property then i then i'm like hey respect that and that's ours we made it but new advancements
that we might make in social media those might not even be mine it might be mark's idea it might
be al's idea it might be dove's idea you know so i've talked to these guys i don't think it's their
idea fair enough but you know what i'm saying so they have fucking no idea these guys i guess like those
types of things i want to give away to to comics i want them to be able to grow but if they're
stealing like ip like they're stealing a fucking joke or that kind of stuff yeah that's a little
much no for that it's more of a i feel like you should say i'm doing because it all started right
after you did it i'm like yeah it's not like it's a it's not a coincidence motherf's where you should be like time to andrew schultz this yeah how i'm curious how quick it
was before it was quick dude i i saw you do maybe three videos you don't care about this guy he
talks about himself all the time yeah quick what was for me like from when the video blew up to
like when you were doing arenas yeah i want to and you're and you're i made
it moment i'm very curious about that okay so i always tell the story 2000 february of 2004
i got booked at uh depaul university in chicago they paid me 700 for the gig 12 or 13 people
showed up i felt bad i thought they were because in that at that time i was still broke and i'm like yo 700 bucks a lot of fucking money yeah and and i feel bad to give me all this money and only
13 people showed up but i said i'm gonna do the show and i did like a really good show and and
then then the special aired a month later and then i went back to chicago in november of that year
and sold out three nights at some uh theater and i was like
what the fuck happened now you know i went from 700 bucks and 13 people to three nights and like
i was like 50 grand or something for the three nights and sold out and i'm like in the same year
in same year and i'm like what the fuck is going on wow and you don't know where it's come from
you don't know that this video is going crazy on youtube like i i have an idea but i still don't understand how they're seeing it because it's 2004 yeah it's not like
there's social media where people are like texting you the clip or anything that didn't exist and
then some douchebag brought me to to new york to perform um and he filmed it and i was doing a
completely different act at the time now and this cocksucker put it out on the internet too and i was like yo i kept i kept calling him yo i'm gonna fuck you up if i fucking find you i'm
gonna bust your fucking face i think i would just punch him in his mouth now just out of
you know because he deserved it yeah i boxed for now i do jiu-jitsu i like fucking people up so
yeah yeah it's one of those things you know yeah but i was i was so mad because i was like dude
that's my new act yeah and i'm not getting no money off this one yeah and it's not ready
necessarily yeah so that was 2005 but thank god that didn't get very much legs on it right
um but then then 2006 uh 2005 i got my first deal this is a deal with a with like studio with yeah
with warner brothers with tom warner and and explain a
deal to people like how that works for entertainment so a deal is where they uh you somebody will hit
you up like a network and they'll be like we want to produce a tv show for you here's um i don't
remember how much that was it might have been like either a million or just under a million or
something like that and i was you know these
don't exist anymore oh i know it yeah and even when i got it i was like i was expecting it to
be more but whatever you get but you get the million in case the show gets made yeah yeah
you make a pilot they might not pick it up you still get it yeah the million is your guarantee
yeah if they do the show that's them recouping it basically like a record
deal um but anyway the show never went yeah but all the people involved were like top-notch guys
so i was so confused as to why i didn't go it was like tom werner who produced cosby show mars you
know carsey werner all the shit in the 80s they did and he owns the uh boston red socks and all
that kind of shit so i figured it would go with him and then
jimmy miller he's you know um he was um jim carrey's manager and so why do you think it didn't
go i don't know i mean maybe again at the time you gotta understand if you don't know anybody
in this industry like you're not from the your family's not from the industry you've never been
around the industry you don't really know how this works yeah and i'm one of those guys i didn't
have my my mom worked in kmart my dad was a meat inspector yeah i had no fucking clue how this industry
worked and i was like oh and i didn't think about that's why i admire this generation because you
guys think about the variables yeah and what if situations we never because in my head it was like
i was never supposed to make it in my head i I was just supposed to be a road comic, work every weekend, maybe make two grand if I'm lucky on a weekend and call it a career.
And I was happy to do that because I had no other plans in life.
So when this happened, I was like, oh, well, I guess see what happens.
And at least we had a shot.
I thought it was over.
It wasn't a sad moment.
It was like, oh like oh well they tried you
know what are you gonna do and then i got another deal a year later and then i got another deal a
year after that i'm like the fuck is going on and i started calling deals goldfish because you get
one it dies you just get another one it's like jizz once it hits the air it's dead you know
so i kept getting deals and then and the
touring kept the touring kept going and then the touring kept getting bigger and bigger yeah and i
did my uh i did a special in 06 outsourced shot that in uh in san francisco in january of 2006
and um and i was like all right i guess that's what we're doing now and then then then that and
i i did that one through a company.
And then I was like, there's a way of doing this without a company.
So the next one I did in 2008 at Madison Square Garden.
Was that Red, White, and Brown?
Red, White, and Brown.
Yeah.
And I did that myself.
I paid for it, produced it, everything.
I did all the stuff that I should have been doing from the start.
Yeah.
That's when I started to figure that out.
And then I did Green Card Tour, and I did that again in London.
I did the O2 Arena for two nights.
Wow.
So now I've done the O2 Arena six times.
Okay, garden, garden.
What is a garden like?
You've done the garden.
You're fucking due for a garden.
I won't do it until I can do the garden.
Where are you from?
I'm from New York, born and raised in Manhattan.
Oh, money making Manhattan style.
Yes, sir.
Word, B.
You got to do the garden. Like, you are the guy that has to do the garden yeah i want to do the garden but i'm not gonna do the garden not me not kevin not sebastian not rogan none of us are from
new york yeah we're the we are all the people who don't deserve the garden dice was probably the
last one no no no no louis not from yeah yeah i think diceice was probably the last one. No, no, no, no. No, Louie's not from it. Yeah, yeah. I think Dice might have been the last one.
Yeah, Dice is the guy.
And he's a New Yorker.
He represents New York.
Yeah, Rock did it.
Oh, Rock did it.
But Rock's a different situation.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Like you are due for the garden.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What's your New York play next?
We're doing Radio City.
We're doing two at Radio City.
Oh, I did that 12 years ago.
Yeah.
January of 2010.
January of 2010. Fuck you, Russell. That was unnecessary. two at radio oh i did that 12 years ago yeah january of january of fuck you
that was unnecessary piece of shit yeah i did that and look where you are now that's right
here we are guys i'm at the beacon this weekend
no but radio city enjoyed it for stand-up uh i loved it and you know it's funny one of my
security guys all my security guys are guys I grew up with.
Everyone's like, man, these black dudes are big.
I'm like, these are just fucking guys I grew up with.
None of them are even security.
They're just big dudes that I grew up with that are like, yo, back up.
It's just like having your boys with you.
You fucking with my man?
That's what they are.
They don't do security for a living.
And one of my guys
he's on stage with me and he's a short chubby guy and and some guy working at radio city goes
man this is so cool man you comedians support each other i'm like huh he goes i can't believe
cedric the entertainer's here wow i gotta get a picture of Pic pulled up for this
and he either gets sad or people go
CeeLo
I'm gonna ask you a question on something you just said
you grew up, you were friends with mostly black kids growing up
it seems like you identify more with black
culture than
Indian culture or like black American
culture than Indian Canadian culture or whatever
yeah
is that weird for you that you're you are our guy culture or like black american culture than indian canadian culture or whatever yeah yeah that's
correct is that weird for you that you're you are our guy you're our fucking number one you're the
guy so here's the thing for me any indian in his right mind gives it up to you i think the reason
that is because i don't have a um like an alliance to a certain part of india people look at me they
don't go oh he's one of them i'm the guy that's
very ambiguous for the indian scene you grow up everybody can tap in yeah i'm yeah well so my
parents are both anglo-indians yeah now we'll give you a little tutorial anglo-indians later
but anglo-indians are products of the british being there right and anglo-indians historically
married anglo-indians so that we would try to keep this alive right so my like
everyone i never met an akash yeah or uh or anybody with an indian name growing up in especially
any family function you know my parents are eric and maureen my grandparents are christopher and
sheila and right james and eileen you know these are you know so this is interesting like a lot of
times i think the best observers of culture are people who sit right outside of it you got to be an outsider yeah so you sat right outside even
your own culture yeah and that's why you're able to make the observations in that way like yeah
i was able to watch all of it and then it wasn't until i was around 1920
uh that i started to see indian people more yeah and the funny thing is where i grew up
now it's like 98 indian what area brampton bramlett that's what i was curious about because
you grew up in brampton but not now so indian 70s and 80s nah huh when i graduated high school in
88 i think there was maybe three other indian kids in my school okay and they were like just
from india yeah like the girl had the long hair
with the one braid
and she didn't really speak English
so I don't even know her name and we didn't even talk
what was that like being Indian
in Brampton before they were Indians
well I had to deal with all the racism
that's why I hung around the black kids because they never picked on me
can I say one thing technically the racists were right
like you guys were about to take over
no they weren't even worried about that they weren't even worried about that they
weren't even worried about that they were just like the bleep the leftover races from england
coming fucking packy and but it was like like how so when black americans talk about like the 50s
and 60s it was i know exactly what they're talking about what they felt because outside of the
segregation yeah because i would be like if i saw a white guy walking, if I saw him walking down the street in the 70s or early 80s, I would cross the street.
And this is Canada.
This is Canada.
Wow.
Because I'm not sure.
I know he's going to do something.
Whether he left the house thinking he was going to or not, I know he's going to do something.
He's either going to spit on me, punch me, and call me names or do all three.
I was like, so I'd see white people like oh fuck i gotta go
i got so when did canada change up when did the camera well i don't know that it's changed and
canada's always been real quiet with whatever whatever bullshit we do we're always very quiet
about it we're like don't talk about it guys right right yeah right first day with the new mouth
yeah you don't have a bunch of drinks in that fucking drink okay um wow that's crazy i
never thought i never and the black kids that i grew up with were all immigrants too they were
all jamaicans and trinidadians and guineas yeah black americans always looked at me as like still
very different but i did but you're also you kind of choose 20 years younger than me yeah and it's
the same thing you spoke of though where it's like not to the same degree but you kind of have to
choose a side am i gonna hang out with these white people i'm gonna hang out with these black people because
there's no like indian group for me to hang out with where i grew up and also growing up like
poor neighborhoods in america are hispanic and black in canada and toronto they were indian and
black so we were always together whether we wanted to be or not we were always together right so you
understand each other a lot better and growing up that you know my family was blue collar so it wasn't like we had you know there was no like oh
my son's gonna go and do this and i was like my dad be like i think i can get you into the plant
if you want to come and check out some fucking chickens he goes but i'd advise you against it
it stinks the job stinks it stinks so they were cool with you being a comic they didn't have an
issue again they didn't really they didn't know what it was because there was none before me.
Yeah.
My Indian uncles and aunties up until very recently, you were the only reference they
have to stand up.
Yeah, that's a good reference.
So if I say I'm a stand up, they go, Russell Peters.
They don't know Chris Rock.
They don't know Eddie Murphy.
They just know you.
How do your parents, do they fucking love that?
Well, my mom, now she'll do things.
Because, you know, I put her on tv enough time so people see her
and they go are you russell's mom oh no i don't know who that is and i'm like but she loves it
you can see the little smile like i don't know who that is yeah yeah this little 80 year old
indian woman but my mom looks like she's like a hispanic lady you know what i mean right because
she's she's a little darker than him a little lighter than him you know what i mean yeah and she's got white hair and she's little so is your like uh are you claimed by canada
yes yeah interesting yeah so you're just canadian comedian there right over there i'm their guy
yes and i have no problem being that of course despite whatever the fuck happened to me
growing up i always people go you must be mad at white people why would i be mad at white people
without them fucking me up like that i wouldn't be this today so i kind of thanked them for that
little percent that little trauma they gave me for the first 15 years right and then it stopped
when i started boxing the funny enough so yeah the minute i learned how to fight they stopped
i was like well this is some bullshit yeah yeah so then you come to america and then you blow up you blow up here
you blow up in all these different places but for whatever reason this is the thing i was always
curious about i was like how the fuck can this guy be selling out more shows than everybody else
making more money than everybody else on the road like Like you'd see like the Forbes lists of like people who made the money.
Right.
And it's Jerry Seinfeld,
Russell Peters,
you know,
Kevin Hart,
whatever.
Right.
And then I was like,
why the fuck haven't they made a TV show with this guy,
a movie with this guy?
I really didn't understand it.
And I had my suspicions,
but what do you think?
Here's what I think.
I think number one,
cause they didn't create me.
If they create you, they own you. I want to to i want to elaborate on this a little bit but go go
go when once they make you they can take it from you but they also like to promote it because then
they pat themselves yeah we were right yeah so they had nothing to do with who i am so they're
kind of kind of spiteful towards me i feel So then they go and create their own guys.
I'm not going to name names, but I think we know who they are.
Yeah.
And they give them things real easy.
Who? Who? Who? Who?
Who? Who are you thinking?
I sneezed. I'm sorry.
Yeah.
That was good. That was good.
That was good.
That was good. That was real good.
Continue. Well done. Well executed. Probably practiced it. That was real good. Continue.
Well done.
Well executed.
Probably practiced it before, to be honest with you.
He probably had that in his head for a while.
The name, yes, but the actual act out was brand new.
Hey, my man still got it, dog.
My man still got it.
Beacon Theater, go.
So I think because they didn't create me, number one.
And number two, I talk about things that make them very fucking nervous and the funny thing for me is that they're nervous america is so
uptight and scared and nervous to hear people talk about race and culture yeah and that's why
when i see you do it i go well how come andrew schultz gets over that go because you can see
in his fucking face he's kidding yeah it's about the
look it's about the intent it's not about feel the energy yeah it's about knowing where the
person's heart is when they say it and part of that that both y'all do is knowing specifics
about people yes it's not broad brushstrokes of oh you're a latino woman you're gonna get
pregnant you might get those jokes but there's also gonna be enough nuance that you're like
oh okay this guy knows he's not just saying shit if groups that aren't
often represented feel represented and in a way that's not like hacky like in a way that they're
like holy shit how do you know that about us they really appreciate it and what is racism we always
say this what is it rooted in is rooted in ignorance so if the joke in and of itself is
not ignorant it's enlightened it's like oh this guy can't be racist because racism is rooted in the opposite of this.
Well, the problem is that the industry is so fucking dumb and trained to not think about that stuff, to not recognize differences unless it benefits their fucking purpose that it scares them.
So they'll be like, what did he say?
Did he just call that guy a black guy?
I'm like, well, is he not?
Yeah.
I'm fucking seeing something you don't see right now.
Right.
And so it makes them very uncomfortable.
And I have heard people, I try to dissect my act before on a podcast talking shit about me.
And they were like, well, listen to this bit.
And then they played my bit about the difference between Cantonese and Mandarin.
And they were so fucking hacky just doing a Chinese voice like that.
I go, no, you fucking idiot.
Yeah.
The Chinese people loved it because I knew the difference between Cantonese and Mandarin.
Yeah.
So it's white people getting offended on your behalf, which is a joke I did 17 years ago.
Yeah.
And when somebody gets, when white people get offended on your behalf, that's more insulting
to you because that means they think you're too dumb.
You can't defend yourself.
You're too dumb to recognize it.
Too weak, too pathetic.
Yeah.
Now, can I ask you a question?
Does that bother you that you didn't crack off here?
Nah, it used to for a minute, but it doesn't bother me at all anymore.
Because I would say you have the best case scenario, career, fame, everything.
Because you are rich as fuck, made tons of money.
You know, you grossed a lot of
money even the problem with me was i got caught up in the gross numbers yeah i forgot about after
tax numbers after after agents and lawyers and managers yeah yeah and then you realize how much
little you have left you're like mother fuck i did not know yeah you see that forbes number you're
like who yeah i mean i was like that should should I Google myself and say my net worth was like $100 million?
I go, I don't even have $100.
What are you talking about?
Well, okay.
So you grossed a lot of money.
What was gross was I tried living like a rapper.
Yo, I would see you balling out and I'd be like, this is so not Indian.
That's how I knew you grew up with Christian parents.
Well, yeah, I was raised Catholic and then I read the book and now I'm an atheist so it's perfect all right guys let's take a break for a second because we need to make sure
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Freshly is going to make that happen. happen now let's get back to the show did you watch hip-hop evolution on netflix oh you really
should did you watch it netflix is dead bro you're not gonna hear an argument with me on that
i don't care i'm blackballed from netflix are you blackballed as far as i know what happened
i don't know i say blackball because i i realize i am they never they
don't say it to you oh yeah nobody notifies you but why they're not answering calls no really
and answer calls and anytime my name gets put forward they get it gets next really why what's
the deal probably because that fucking sneezing joke you just did 15 minutes ago do you think it
is them protecting that okay i don't know what it is but whatever fuck it is there a is there
someone there that you got beef with that's talent-wise?
I don't.
Again, I really don't understand it.
Interesting.
I really don't understand, but I'm like, whatever.
I mean, here's what you can't deny.
That comedy division doesn't exist without me.
I started it.
That's a fact, bro.
You're the seed.
So I'm the seed, and I'm like, go ahead.
Focus on the truth.
Wait, what comedy division? Speak on that. Speak on that. Well, just the stand-up division. I mean, bro. You're the seed. So I'm the seed. And I'm like, go ahead. Focus on the tree. Wait, what comedy division?
Speak on that.
Speak on that.
Well, just the stand-up division.
I mean, it didn't exist before me.
Streaming stand-up, you mean, specifically?
No, the straight-to-Netflix specials was me.
I was the first guy.
You were the first Netflix special?
I was the first one.
On Netflix?
Yeah.
Which one?
The first Netflix original stand-up special was me.
Oh, wow.
Holy shit.
2013.
Say it with your chest, fam.
Yeah, 2013.
Wow.
Sir, I vaguely remember that, actually.
Notorious.
There you go.
It's not even on there anymore.
Holy shit.
They took it down?
Of course.
Why?
What do you think?
Did you give them, like, amount of years or something like that?
No, they own it forever.
So why would they take it down?
I don't know.
Nah, you know, bro.
I really don't know.
I mean, I don't know.
It could be cycled out, which is fair. And then it comes back in. It may or may not. I don't know if you're not you know bro i really don't know i mean i don't know it could be cycled out which is fair and then it comes back in it may or may not i don't know but
or it could just be they don't fuck with you and take all your shit out whoa which they have the
power to they're fucking bigger than i'll ever be right and uh you know what am i gonna do i'm not
gonna go up against them yeah i mean if they come around and want to fuck with me i'm not saying i'm
not i won't do work with them but you don't work with me that's that's on you not me why not just put it
out on youtube man it's like youtube has been so good for you well my next special i'm trying to
determine what i'm going to do with it well you just determined it yeah youtube bro it's not even
a question it's like like i was going to shoot it in december actually put it out in march it's the
you know i'll feature for you on my special in february i'll open for you where's yours going youtube on your channel right
yeah 100 why else and you've built your channel i've been watching and like but youtube is this
place it's a different beast man you get algorithmic health it's not even like netflix
you know what i mean like netflix has a way smaller group of people that can share your
special with right like YouTube is the world.
And that's where the fuck you blew up in the first place.
That's exactly why I said I wanted to do the 10th one there.
Homecoming.
Well, better than that.
Fair enough.
Yo, it's got to be YouTube, man.
Absolutely.
YouTube, there's some other platforms I'm exploring.
Like what? I can't say. I don't want anybody to take my idea yet
alright fair enough
listen if you get a stupid bag
obviously go there but like
nah bruh fuck that if I see you on Quibi I'm fighting you
if you see Quibi
that's actually impressive
Russell buy Quibi
didn't Will Smith have something to do with Quibi at some point
nah poor Will
they tried everybody tried
they were just giving money out like crazy like crazy
yeah no one cared ever i think i think i think youtube's a play bro i i'm not against it at all
now you would have to just wait for the money to come later the money is on the road right no that
i understand well i'm i'm yeah i want to figure out a way where like comics can make like a i want us to figure out a way where like comics can make like as much money
on youtube as they would do in a netflix special or something like that i think that's easily
possible it's easily possible unless you're dave chris or one of those guys exactly yeah then you're
not going to make that money right so it's like yeah because the offers that you might get if
you're an up-and-coming comic on netflix are not going to be that crazy you can make way more money on the road if you're selling
tickets if your special blows up online so but i just figured if you look at making the money on
the road which has done so well for you yeah like you just want the thing that's going to get in
front of the most people so they can come see the live show yeah i mean listen i'm 33 years in the
game this year god bless and uh i i can't stop the road you love it
i basically want to get out of the industry but just do stand-up that's like i don't care about
film or tv that's what you've been doing yeah well now because i gave up on that you know what
i mean i'm like ah fuck it no i really believe because i get calls now do you want to be the
dad i'm like man this is some bullshit yeah i did you ever want to do that i did want to be an
actor at one point really and then you know it's funny is because you want to or did it seem like
what you're supposed to do this is the next step in superstardom when i started doing stand-up in
89 yeah at first i was like i want to be an actor and then somebody's well you're gonna need to
offer him something else yes i was like well then i'll be able to go do stand-up first and then see
what happens and then i got told like early in my career like in the early
90s you're not good looking enough to be an actor just to stand up and i was like i look back i was
a handsome motherfucker back then but uh yeah but i i was like all right fine i'm not you know
and then i was so there's interviews of me you could see from the 90s where i'm talking about how
like there's no product placement with indian people like you don't see sprite sprite you know
like we don't consume the same shit everybody else does and now you'll see it and it's always
like this forced look where it's like like the uh indian guy with a white girl on a whatever like a
spectrum tv commercial fucking crazy and i'm like why why does it gotta be that you know what i mean
yeah i saw one ad i'm not making this up i saw one ad it was a an asian woman a black husband and two white kids with yamakos i'm like how the
fuck did that happen yeah yeah the industry what the fuck was that picture just the industry really
wants diversity but in their terms they don't understand what diversity is they want to dictate
your identity still they want color diversity but they don't want culture diversity yeah yeah they don't understand that like it's like be white but look indian yeah
well not even that they just they they want to put a room together of people that would never
hang out together and be like oh they're best friends right like no they're not they fucking
barely know each other yeah that's not how the group last night i was the only indian guy at my
table so yeah i'm like that's what i know my diversity to be like right yeah yeah i mean i mean look i mean this room is pretty diverse you'll have
this room i was looking at it i go but we are this is like a movie uh this is like a uh casting we
are exceptional in that sense and in that same room in hollywood they get those guys together
and then no offensive jokes would fly oh yeah you know what i mean like they have to also do very
safe cultural jokes and it's like that's, now you're asking for way too much.
This is asking for a lot.
Now asking for this, and it has to be the type of comedy you want that's safe and not offensive.
That's asking for too much.
I was supposed to be in the last Barbershop that came out in 2016. Oh, you'd have fucking crushed it.
And so Malcolm Lee, when I went for the audition, was like, oh my God, I'm such a big fan.
Thank you for coming in.
They gave it to another Indian guy, I remember.
Yeah.
I like the kid. We're going to have such a good time on this movie and i'm like oh i fucking
got this this is awesome i go he goes you want to go uh meet tomorrow let's meet tomorrow let's go
meet the beverly hills hotel and have some breakfast i went for breakfast i fucking paid
like an asshole yeah yeah and then we're like let's work on the character and they go because
the line was like uh you know they're I'm working in a black barbershop
and they're making jokes at me about being Indian
and the character's not saying anything back.
I go, if he works in a black barbershop,
there's no way he's going to sit there and take it.
He's got to give it back.
And I said, having grown up around black dudes,
I understand.
If they give it to you,
give it back to them twice as fucking hurtful.
And so growing up, I would walk home from school,
we'd be snapping on each other the whole way home like yo russell can you smell what your
mom's cooking from here like i go man they make the big nose jokes i make the big lip jokes i
would like your lips look like a pound of liver your lips look like suitcase handles
your lips look like bicycle pedals you know what i mean they were just like
suitcase handles is crazy that's so good okay and then what happened you suggested that and
then no no so yeah he goes so they were like oh uh they go oh tandoori chicken's feeling a little
frisky today and i'm like well i'm gonna like snap back on him and he was like okay yeah i like that
i like that and then then i went on the road and i got a call on the road he's like hey they want
you to come in and read again the studio and i go what what do you mean read again well they they want
to make some changes they don't think your character should be so i'm like wait you're okay
if i get fucking abused out there but it's not okay if i defend myself because they're black
yeah i go that's fucking ridiculous all my friends are black we do this daily yeah yeah i go just
because the studio heads can't
comprehend that yeah so then they were like okay well i think they're gonna go with someone younger
yeah and they put that kid utkar sure it's a good kid like i'm funny guy i don't know
but yeah i remember getting an audition for that and wondering why is this don't you just give this
to russell uh yeah i thought it was mine and i'm around the same age as the rest of the barbers, so it would have made sense.
Yeah.
But what are you going to do?
You know, it was crazy when I saw you on the, they brought back Def Comedy Jam.
2007.
Yeah.
And I remember two sets from that Def Comedy Jam.
I remember Patrice O'Neal.
Yep.
And I remember yours.
And you dropped the N-bomb and people were going crazy.
I did it the whole set.
The whole set.
And, but you were like describing how black people use it.
You weren't like calling people.
But like, it was one of those things where it's like, we were even talking earlier about
like cultural nuance and understanding.
And for whatever reason, they felt safe and comfortable enough for you to say it
and everybody die laughing.
And distinctly, I remember those two.
I remember you and Patrice,
and I remember specifically with you going like,
holy shit, that is a very fucking brave choice.
Did you question it?
And did you ever think about not doing it?
No.
When I went to go do it, I was comfortable.
But when I started the set, I started getting nervous.
And when I did that, the joke about the mondays mondays i thought that was that one yeah in boston that guy said the mondays he's talking about black people so we call black people out
here and go why do you call them mondays it goes because nobody fucking likes mondays oh yeah
when i did the punch line it went silent in the room.
Like you could hear a pin drop in that room.
And I remember fucking my body getting drenched.
I was like, huh?
And that's when I just panicked and went,
you motherfuckers need to know this shit.
And then they stood up and clapped like,
whoo, but I was so scared when I did it.
That's a good save.
I was fucking shitting my pants at that moment.
If you watch it, you'll see in my eyes.
You'll see my eyes go.
Yo, get that up, please.
Literally, my eyes go, what the fuck did I just do?
Did you try that joke out at clubs or anything like that?
No, the story literally had just happened.
It was shot on a Sunday.
I had flown in that Sundayay morning from boston so hold on so the thing that you were going to tape and have live forever on hbo
you just did the day before no i didn't even do it it happened so you didn't even want to like
the story the story happened the night like the friday night um the friday night when i was in boston yeah this white
dude said that to me and i'm like what the fuck yeah and then i told the story on the sunday when
we shot def jam that's fine i mean that's wild that's fire that's wild yeah why i'm 36 37 years
old at the time i don't know i'm just like i, I knew something had to go in around the N-word jokes.
Right, right.
And I was like, I need something else.
This is not enough.
And then I just happened to, I told the story to Reuben Paul, one of my friends.
I was like, what about this?
And he goes, yo, that shit's funny.
Do that tonight.
Asshole.
Yeah, right.
And I did it, but thank goodness.
I mean.
You know what, though?
That, once you said you
motherfuckers need to know this you're an ally and it's like not in the way we use it now but
like you're like oh he's looking out a little bit and so it makes the n-word joke a little bit more
palatable even i'll give you another an example when i had to panic the bmns the bmn joke yeah
that wasn't part of the act i was panicking because it wasn't getting a laugh on the on the uh 4 30 40 450 yeah it wasn't getting the laugh i wanted so you needed a tag
i needed one more tag so i just went you guys look at me said be a man and that's literally
that's the first time right there wow the walk i remember it's so crazy to like recall these
things like i doesn't want but i remember you walking out and obviously i knew i was a fan but like i was like i'm curious if he's going to be as confident
and comfortable in front of a crowd that he shouldn't know about it shouldn't be comfortable
with right obviously you should you grow up with black people it shouldn't be a big deal
but you walked out so comfortable i had no choice sometimes it's not your choice again i used to box so in boxing it's the same thing too
yeah if i go out and i show the guy that i'm a little nervous he gonna fuck me up yeah i gotta
go out with all this false bravado make him think i'm not i'm not worried about you motherfucker
i ain't afraid of you motherfucker yeah like when i'm doing jujitsu and i'm rolling with black belts
i'm a i'm a blue belt yeah about to be purple but i'm a blue
belt that sounded way gayer and and i'm rolling with these black belts i can't act like oh my
god you're gonna fuck me up i'm like all right let's go and then they i i go manhandle them a
little bit they're like oh okay motherfucker he's got some shit he knows what he's doing
but i know they're still gonna fuck me up yeah at least i pretended that i what they weren't all right let's see it this is what i mean about
white people being real clever with their fucking racism i was talking to this white dude he goes
so uh you're living out there in la now right i go yeah he goes what are you doing out there you
doing any fucking tv or anything like that i go actually yeah i'm doing def jam oh really isn't
that for the mondays i go what that there for the fucking Mondays?
I go, no, I don't know when they air it.
Ah, fucking Mondays. What the fuck is a Monday?
They call black people Mondays.
You didn't know that shit.
And I'm trying to, I'm sitting there going, oh, okay, Mondays.
And I'm trying to figure out, you ever try and figure out where the fucking slang comes from?
And then I was, I said, what the fuck? What the fuck is a Monday? Why do oh, okay, Mondays. And I'm trying to figure out, you ever try and figure out where the fucking slang comes from? And then I said, what the fuck?
What the fuck is a Monday?
Why do you call black people Mondays?
And I swear on my father's grave, this guy goes, because nobody likes Mondays.
That's what I'm talking about.
You need to be hip to this shit.
Wow.
Same day, boy.
Same day.
That is going to fuck with you at work the first day of the week.
Good morning, Devon.
Nothing like a fucking Monday, huh?
Was the act out improv as well?
Yeah, because it was like...
It's all that controversy, man.
You know what the funny thing to me about the N-word is,
is that white people are trying to stop black people from using the N-word.
Now, as a guy who grew up with black people,
I know that the N-word is not specific to people.
It's a fucking noun.
Yeah, yeah.
It is used for everything else but people.
It's not specific to black people.
I see my friends, I'm like, yo, Russell,
I seen you with some Chinese niggas last night.
That's it.
That.
That.
Let's see.
Oh, fuck.
I seen you with some Chinese, what?
It's not specific to me.
My homeboy called me, he was like,
yo, you gotta put on Discovery Channel, son.
They got this shit on Killer Whales killer whales yo those niggas are crazy
if I'm lying I'm dying you tell me this sometimes the word nigga can replace an entire sentence
am I lying I call my boys like yo you went out with that girl last night? Nigga. Thank you very much, Def Jam.
Brave choice, man.
That's scary.
Dumb moves as a kid.
Brave fucking choice.
Dumb moves as a kid, I say.
Nah, dude, that's great.
I mean, I'm glad I got it out.
But I would never do it again.
But did you work it out?
Were you working it out?
No.
Again, this is all because they called me kind of last minute for Def Jam.
Bruh.
I think somebody had dropped out, and they were like, we need somebody.
How about Russell Peters?
Bob Sumner was like, Russell Peters, I know him.
Yeah, he's good.
We'll get him on.
And I was like, all right, I'll do it.
I wanted to do Def Jam in the 90s.
Yeah, of course, yeah.
And I was like, all right, well, DL's hosting it now, and I know DL.
I've known DL for 25 years.
Yeah.
Patrice was on, and I've known Patrice for 20, you know, I've known her since the 90s.
Yeah.
So everybody I knew was doing it.
So I knew everybody on the show.
But again, even black audiences now, when I go up, I try to avoid it because I'm like,
I don't have the fucking, I don't have this in me anymore.
I don't have that fucking um, that fucking innocence,
that,
that daring kind of,
I'm going to win you over shit in my brain anymore.
Now it's like,
ah,
fuck either.
You know me or don't.
I don't know.
But I look back,
like I see cats that come to the show and I'm like,
Oh man,
I'd love to get on.
I'm like,
I put people on because I'm like,
I remember being that guy.
Yeah.
And I respect you wanting to be on,
even if it's not your crowd. I want to, I want to see how you do with it yeah yeah yeah you let me
open for you once i did not do well that shit was definitely mediocre no i wasn't new i wasn't new
it was probably 2016 2017 and they just stared at me like what are you exactly what's going on here
are you just gonna bring up russell
because that's all i want to see a lot of times that happens um i remember you laughed at one
thing though and i was like thank god dude you laughed at one thing and i looked in the corner
of my eye and you walked off i was like thank god he's leaving bro because this shit is i can feel
it getting bad no it's but with my audiences they're. They never walk out going that first guy was shit.
They don't even understand because there's there's certain comics who have fans that are comedy fans.
And then there's people that have fans that are their fans.
Right. Like Sebastian.
Sebastian, me, Fluffy.
Yes.
We all have our own fans.
Yes.
They may not be comedy fans.
Yours is a combination of the two yeah i don't
think i haven't even dropped into a comedy club in a while just because i'm like ah fucking i don't
care i love that do you not don't you want to work i don't care like i want to go and hang out but
at the same time i'm like do i want to go and hang out or do i just want to go live life a little bit
right now yeah i remember you pulling up to the cellar once and i remember like you were working you were like pulled up you went down there you were like
working out some stuff and then you could tell what the audience wanted and you're like and you're
like all right you gave them like one joke yeah they're like you're like oh that's what you want
something like that now does that frustrate you no and now at that time it did but now it doesn't
it i'm i'm like i'm fine i think you hit a certain
mark and you go you're 33 years in kid yeah your your career is older than most people yeah you
know i mean like so at some point you got to go listen just you look at guys like dom herrera
yeah like dom is 70 now or 70 something and he's still so sharp and so funny he called me the other day just
by accident like three in the morning and i happen to be awake and answer and he's like
oh so you know this is in ireland i thought you know i wouldn't call you this late at night i was
calling ireland and goes what the fuck you doing awake and then he just started going into joke
after joke and him and i just get on a roll with each other and i'm like and you watch him go on
stage and he's just so funny every time and it doesn't show that he's been in the game for 45
years it shows that he's a seasoned veteran but he doesn't act like i'm doing this because i have to
yeah that's just the way it is when did you reach the point where you're like okay it doesn't matter
what these losers think i'm very comfortable with the type of comic i am where i am etc i that's it's a newfound piece
it's a newfound piece there was a long time where i was like oh i need to be accepted by my peers
i'm like fuck my peers yeah that was something i used to wonder if you felt that way and i was
like he shouldn't fucking i did i did it at some point then i was like ah fucking what do i give
a shit yeah they're not gonna put any money in my pocket right they're not gonna pay any of my
bills and if shit goes bad for me they're not gonna look out for me yeah so fuck them all yeah yeah
the back of the room is the least loyal people on earth i you know i did an interview in 96 97
in a canadian paper and i said that i said there's a lot of comics that go on stage and make the back
of the room laugh yeah and the back of the room is just comics well the comics were never going
to buy a ticket to your show yes i said and besides comics are are geeks anyway so if all you did
was make the back of the room laugh all you did is make a bunch of geeks laugh yeah yeah and we
want to right because those are our peers those are the people that we love and appreciate and
that's always valuable but you can't give up on the comedy that you want to do to make those people
laugh yeah you gotta you gotta stay
focused yeah you gotta do what you're gonna do there is a way just to make the people in the
back laugh yeah and that is a skill set too and some people spend a disproportionate amount of
time but you're going to be renting an apartment with three other dudes for the rest of your life
yeah yeah yeah so if that's what you want that's great yeah and as a comic we appreciate you
for doing that for us but as a man i'm like i don't know how to fuck you live with yourself
yeah 100 you guys gonna have kids i'm ready i reckon i recommend don't have them
yeah hold on you're gonna have to talk me out of this because i'm ready whenever don't fucking do
it why i love kids you're the best your life will change immediately and i don't want to say for
the better or for the worse but it definitely will change now that everything you remember
about life being great will change but then doesn't it get better the thing that's the
thing the kid is greater than all of that right says who well hopefully you got hopefully you are they listening for your kids sakes i love my kids that goes without saying
like once you here's the thing once you have them you're fucked because you can't imagine life
without them yeah but that's because you love them yeah but that's fine you but if you don't
have them and you don't know that you're're missing nothing. Yeah, but that's marriage. You're getting married again, dummy.
Yeah, but that's fine.
I'm 51.
She's 50.
We're good.
We both are like, eh, we know what we're doing.
Yeah.
But you really wouldn't have them if you could do it again?
Yeah.
Wait, really?
Yeah.
If they said, we have a time time machine it would take it back to 2009
and you won't have any memories of anything after 2009 yeah like this put my ass in really yeah but
you also got a girl pregnant at the peak of your fame on accident when i had my daughter it wasn't
an accident i wanted to have a baby yeah i i was 39 that's a
bad decision right and that's why i'm telling you not to do it you should have waited but he's
married now it doesn't matter it doesn't matter you're just doing it because you think hey you
know when you said all my life you want to become an actor because you figure that's the progression
of being a comedian you want to have a kid because this is what it is it's so gay but it's so real
all my life i've been like i can't wait to be a dad the only reason you a kid because you think this is what it is. You're having a marriage. It's so gay, but it's so real. All my life I've been like, I can't wait to be a dad.
The only reason you want kids is because you can share clothes with them.
But that has nothing to do with it.
Why don't you get the show sponsored by Build-A-Bear for a cash?
I would love it.
I would love it.
We'll put your little hat on top of them.
It'll be great.
We shouldn't have kids.
Is that really what you're saying to us right now?
Yeah.
Listen, where you at in your career right now?
Doesn't it put that battery in your back?
No, it doesn't.
It takes the steam out of your engine.
Listen.
But maybe you need steam taken out of your engine because you were living like a rapper.
Yeah, you were.
Maybe you need to calm down.
I started overcompensating later.
That's what happened. You went, I'm still good, guys. I'm you need to calm down. I started overcompensating later. That's what happened.
You went, I'm still good, guys.
I'm still trying to hang on.
It fucks you.
It fucks you up.
So you didn't care initially?
No.
So 39, I was like, I really want a kid.
And I was dating my daughter's mother at the time.
And that fucking stupid song was out.
And I kept singing it to her.
I kept going, have a baby, my baby, be a millionaire.
This bitch is a millionaire now.
Listen.
What's the most you made in a year?
I think gross, do you mean?
Yeah, gross.
I think it was like 25 or something like that.
And then what's the net?
Yeah, the net's about that.
If you're lucky.
If you got lawyers, agents, managers, all that shit, 75%.
The IRS, that's 50% gone.
Then you got managers, agents, accountants, lawyers,
and they're getting paid off the gross.
They're not getting paid off the 12 and a half that the government took.
Yeah, that's right.
So it all goes down from there.
So yeah, you'll end up with around seven, maybe six, seven million.
Wow.
And then if you're an idiot like I am and you're thinking, you know what?
I'm going to take a private jet everywhere I want to go.
Is that how you were traveling?
Like, literally, I see you doing it.
I'm going, I hope they got that jet for free is what I'm thinking.
Oh, come on.
This guy's taking jets from fucking San Antonio to Lubbock.
He ain't taking no cross country.
I know, but that's still about an eight thousand dollar ride about ten thousand but it
is what it is no big deal you know i remember i did a movie once because the the guy that was
doing the movie owned a private jet company he gave me two hundred and fifty thousand dollars
worth of credit private genius yeah it's nice to fly private it is but that that's like four trips la to new york
that's 50k yeah that's your that's four trips to la put me in a lay flat i'm good money
flats are better than a place better and they also have the internet and that kind of stuff but
not dealing with tsa not dealing with that literally showing up two minutes before your
flight is just awesome it's probably really it's a great feeling it's probably really cool it's not worth fifty thousand dollars no it's not no it's not worth what you're paying yeah
there was one time in 2012 that i almost bought a private jet that's like at the height of making
all this money and i was like i think i'm gonna buy this jet we had one on tour and i was like
guys like it's for sale they want they want 1.3 million for it i go that's it and it was a
beautiful jet it was fucking a 14 seater and you
could stand up in it straight oh sure and i could do that either it was yeah i mean you could stand
up in a fucking mini mini cooper yeah that's the mini that's the mini okay yes so what happened
why did you buy it was like the plane was made in like 1971 and everyone's like start asking people about
planes like no don't fucking do it kid like what if i just give it to a company to charter they can
charter it out and he was like you're not going to make your money back you're that thing is going
to be in the shop more than it's going to be in the air oh wow more in maintenance a year than
the cost of that one point yeah absolutely and fuel too they don't tell about fuel yeah fuel
parking yeah where you park that fucking thing somebody's going to charge you to sit your jet Absolutely. And fuel, too. They don't tell you about fuel. Yeah. Fuel, parking. Yeah.
Where do you park that fucking thing?
Somebody's going to charge you to sit your jet at their airport.
Yeah, so you're going to go to the Ngannou fight.
Yeah.
Who do you think is going to win?
I really don't think Ngannou's going to win, to be honest with you.
Ngannou's my boy.
I know he is.
Listen, I like Francis, but I really think he's underestimating Cyril.
This is what I'll say.
Power is the great equalizer.
It is, if you get hit by it.
If you get hit.
And Cyril is very skilled, and you obviously see the sparring footage come up,
and it looks like he's getting tagged, et cetera.
France has got a hell of a chin, and power is the great equalizer,
and you're out there with four house gloves.
Well, he does have a good chin, but what happened with him versus Derek Lewis?
Neither of them threw.
Neither of them threw.
And I guess we're going to
see what happens. I mean, I,
you know, either way, I'm good with it.
Yeah. And who's on the
undercard? Somebody else is good on the undercard.
Davison Figueroa.
I can't pronounce his fucking Brazilian ass name.
And then the other guy is Brandon Moreno.
Oh yeah, Brandon Moreno is defending his title.
Yeah. You know who's sparring with
Brandon Moreno is a buddy of mine, an Indian kid who's an MMA fighter.
I'm a fan.
Yeah, you know him?
Gary Mangat?
No.
Gurdarshan?
No, I'm a fan now.
The lion, he calls himself?
I'm a fan.
Oh, he follows us, I think.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Gary Mangat.
Isn't he from Vancouver or something like that?
Oh, shit.
So he's been helping Moreno get ready for the fight.
And I know this because Gary lives in my house in Vegas when he's in training camp.
Dude, the most generous guy.
You hear the craziest stories about this guy.
Well, listen, you got an Indian guy in the MMA world.
And he's like, I'm like, I know how that, being in the fight world for so long, I understand.
You want that to come out of your pocket?
No.
It's like, Gary, you can stay in my place and you can train.
There's nobody there.
You'll be in solitude, which is what you need when you're in training.
You want to go train, come home and not have fucking people barking at you
no but i've heard stories you can say what's true or what's not like if a kid doesn't have like a
who's opening for you doesn't have a laptop or an iphone you're like yo go to the apple store
give them my name you fucking lace it you take care of everything you know you gotta i heard a
kid be like oh that's a nice watch and it was probably like ten thousand dollars and then you
just bought it for him well that's not good crazy thank god dog i was getting jealous you know there's there's things i
did and then there's things i didn't do you know you know sometimes it's better to embellish that's
the key you got to do enough that people can embellish so i will say that the stories about
you yeah no you're good try it no no you don't drink. We don't let him drink. I drink on my wedding, bro.
My dad did that to me.
That's why I never drank
until I was 31.
Really?
My dad made me pour him a drink
and he'd go,
taste it.
And I'd go,
oh, fuck no.
And he's like,
taste it.
And I'd go,
oh, I already drank this.
He goes,
oh, there.
Now you won't drink now.
I didn't drink until I was 31.
It worked for 30 years.
Yeah, you have good karma
out there in the stories about you. I will say that. Like, I didn't realize I went anywhere until I saw 31. It worked for 30 years. Yeah, you have good karma out there in the stories about you.
I will say that.
Like, I didn't realize I went anywhere until I saw clips of your wedding on his page.
Hell fucking yeah, dog.
And I was like, you were like all in.
I'm like, wow, I couldn't do that.
You could have texted me.
It would have been your first Indian wedding.
I know.
I was going to ask to be invited, to be honest with you.
I swear to God, if you had asked me to have been there, no fucking question asked.
I was going to ask.
I feel kind of a way.
There was no way in hell your wife would let him be
at her wedding. 100%
she would. He's going to be the star of the
wedding. Russell Peters is different.
We know what a flex that would have been.
You know what I'm saying?
That's like for black people
having fucking Beyonce. Not even
Jay-Z. Beyonce at your wedding.
At my wedding,
my wedding coming up,
Cedric the Entertainer
is marrying us.
Let's go.
Cedwin got ordained
online for us
and he's going to,
he's going to,
he's going to marry us.
Is he going to give you a gift?
I don't know.
I think that is the gift.
That is the gift.
What did you say right now?
Fuck that.
What did you say right now?
Don't say that.
He still hasn't given me a gift.
He hasn't given either one of us
a wedding gift.
But you're not a Jew.
Yeah.
Is she? Technically, wedding gift. But you're not a Jew. Yeah. Is she?
Technically, but no.
But technically.
I still owe him a gift.
I've just been thinking about a lot of other things.
I'm going to get him one.
He didn't get me one either.
What are you thinking?
I owe you money.
Tesla.
You're getting one too.
It's a gift from Seg because he's famous.
You are Dove.
And you're more of a fucking pigeon because you're Moroccan.
You know what I mean?
It means fair in Hebrew
okay
Russell
Andrew Akash
before we get out of here
you guys
please promise us you'll talk to us before you make
a decision on the next special
100% I would love
I respect both of what you guys
are doing, so I would respect
your opinions on what I should do.
Let's have some combos about it.
I think some cool things can happen.
And that would be really fun, going back to India.
You've done India, obviously. I did India. I did my last
special in India. That's right.
That was the one on Amazon. Russell, tell them where they can find you.
Tell them all the dates. Tell them everything.
Find me at akashsingh.com.
Russellpeters.com.
Get your tickets. Go see my show dates.
Instagram at Russell Peters.
Because I only have 488,000
followers and I cannot seem to
crack 500. We're going to make it happen.
I'm like, it's free, motherfuckers. What are you doing?
You don't even have to pay. It's free.
Just fucking click the follow button.
You don't even have to like my shit. Just follow youicks yeah i did the same plea on jordan peterson really
and people be messaging me i'm only following you because you asked for it on jordan peterson
i don't care why as long as you're there but youtube too though youtube too oh yeah youtube
as well on my channel russell peters. I think we got 1.8 million.
There we go.
That's a good number, right?
There we go.
I got that new plaque, the million plaque.
Nice.
That's the gold?
Is it the gold one?
Yeah, the gold one, yeah.
The gold one, yeah.
The silver one's for $100,000.
And then the diamond is the big boy.
I want the diamond.
That's the $10 million.
You got that?
Not yet, not yet.
That's the Jake Paul one.
Yeah, we're going to get there.
We're going to get there.
But, yeah, go check out Russell, man.
Thank you so much for taking the time.
And the Beacon Theater this week. this week beacon theater what are the dates this week uh
january 21th and 22th 21th and the following week i'm in virginia at tyson's uh the capital one
okay tyson's capital one because it might be virginia that they can see and then texas right
after that and where at the uh and I'm going to, his hometown.
Dallas, Dallas.
I'm going to be in,
it was Grand Prairie.
Yeah.
Sugarland,
San Antonio,
and Austin.
God bless.
Sugarland near Houston,
so we got that.
Go check that out.
Man, thank you so much, bro.
We're huge fans, brother.
Thanks.
I'm a huge fan of both of you.
God bless.
Guys.
Just watching him grow as a comic.
Oh, wait till this special drops, man.
We're going to have some fun.
We're going gonna have some fun
yeah flag or two thank you all for listening peace