Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - The One Thing Lisa Ann Won’t Do
Episode Date: June 4, 2019This week Andrew, Akaash, Kaz, and special guest, celebrity porn star Lisa Ann discuss big D energy, gang bang nightmares, Steph Curry being poisoned, Joshua VS Ruiz, NBA Finals Game 2, and MUCH MORE....
Transcript
Discussion (0)
What's up everybody welcome to another episode of flagrant to no easy buckets analysis by assholes water cooler commentary for your sports needs
I am Andrew Schultz. I'm here with Akash Singh real-life cast you Alex media and edit on the ones and twos
We got a special guest that we'll introduce in a second, but this episode is brought to you
by Morgan and Morgan in a second but this episode is brought to you by morgan and morgan injured in a car crash slip
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Visit ForThePeople.com.
That's F-O-R The People dot com.
What's up, guys?
More dates.
Matador Tour.
Ann Arbor, Michigan.
This Friday.
One night only.
First show sold out.
We had a second show at 10 o'clock.
Ann Arbor, that's white Detroit.
Come out.
It's 10 o'clock is the second show.
We still got some tickets left.
Then Saturday and Sunday, we're in San Francisco.
Cops Comedy Club.
Both Saturday shows sold out.
Early show Sunday sold out.
We had a late show Sunday.
There's still some tickets left for that.
Go get them very quickly.
Then we got Indianapolis, Indiana.
Come on out. That's the 14th
and 15th of June. Then we got Cincinnati
the 21st and 22nd of
June. Then we got there in Denver the
27th through the 29th and then
Houston the 30th of June. Many
more dates. New cities just added.
Some cool information. Go to theandrewschultz.com
for all the tickets you need.
Guys.
Duceypalooza in Atlanta.
That will be on,
God damn, I'm sorry.
Let me just pull this up really fast.
Motherfuck, motherfucker,
motherfucker, motherfucker.
Get to duceypalooza.com.
We will be in Atlanta June 14th.
And I'm waiting for the LA shit
to pile up because,
all right, damn, my fault.
Yes.
June 14th, Atlanta, Georgia. Atlanta, Duce pile up Because they're my fault Yes June 14th
Atlanta, Georgia
Atlanta
Duce Palooza is coming through
At the Masquerade
Get your tickets right now
And also
Duce Palooza
Los Angeles
Will be
On June 22nd
The week right after
So
Velasco in LA
Masquerade in Atlanta
Get your tickets at DucePalooza.com
Yeah How you late within the read? Hmm? Let's go Fuck you So, Velasco in LA, Masquerade in Atlanta. Get your tickets at LucePalooza.com. Yeah.
How you late within the read?
Hmm?
Let's go.
Fuck you.
Let's start the show.
Special guest.
Special guest in the building.
Okay?
I feel like you'd give a much better intro than that one.
Oh, no.
We're going to get there.
We're going to get there.
We're going to get there.
You guys know our guests.
Yes.
Biblically. Biblically.
Biblically.
Very famous.
Probably the biggest guests on our show.
By far, yeah.
Definitely sports related.
We'll get into that in more ways than one.
But here's the thing.
I go way back with our guests.
She told me the same thing.
She told me the exact same thing.
We go way back.
And it has, let's just say who our guest is right now. Right now me the same thing. She told me the exact same thing. We go way back. And it has...
Let's just say who
our guest is right now. Right now we have Lisa Ann.
One of the most famous...
The GOAT, Lisa Ann. One of the most famous
porn stars in the history of the game,
Lisa Ann. Also a
connoisseur of sports and athletes. Very much
so. And she also used
to write for my website, TheStats.com.
As well. So we go way back as well.
She had a great column.
Now, I've got to say something.
I have never seen your work.
Fantastic.
Well, then to you, I'm a flight attendant.
If I sat next to you on a flight and you talked to me, because I can tell when somebody doesn't recognize me, I would say,
Oh, I'm based out of Dallas.
I'm a flight attendant for American.
That's smart.
I'm traveling right now.
Yes.
But they know.
They do.
Okay, now here's the weird thing.
I've seen you do a roast.
We met each other at the roast of Ron Jeremy in Toronto.
And I was looking up to see if I had my roast jokes.
And I couldn't find my roast jokes, but I forgot what I said about you.
But anyway.
I remember.
They were all good.
Okay, good.
And then, too, I've seen you obviously comment on sports, but I just realized on the way
here that I've never seen you fuck.
Wow.
And I feel like-
I've seen you fuck plenty of times.
Yeah.
I'm like a rite of passage.
I mean, it's-
Is this weird for that-
Is that a little-
Is that-
Obviously, I'm not your type.
Obviously, I'm not in your search bracket, right?
There's something that either I don't do.
I don't look at a lot of porn.
This isn't a huge porn podcast.
But you know what it is?
When I do do porn, I do the, I like the backroom casting couch.
Okay.
Right?
Because I like the girl to like think she's not in it.
You're right, right.
And you're the opposite.
You're like in control of the situation.
You like more the amateur style because it seems like
you're kind of peering
through a window
watching something
that's not professional
and the girl's a little janky.
Maybe one of her toenails
is ripped off.
Actually, you know what I mean?
No, I look at the manicure
and if it's too well done
I'm like, oh, she knew.
You want something
chipped.
If there's something chipped
I'm like, this bitch
has no clue
and he convinced her.
Yes.
Shout to Rick.
That's real.
So you know that is real. Do you know Rick, the guy from Backroom Casting Couch? No. Yes. Shout to Rick. That's real. So you know that is real.
Do you know Rick, the guy from Backroom Casting Couch?
No.
You've never met Rick?
No.
I'll have to look him up and try and meet him if this is something you think I should do.
Oh, my God.
That would be like a dream for me.
But it is specific.
I'll tell you why it's specific.
Because in his shoot info, he doesn't want the girl to have new wardrobe.
He doesn't want the girl to be polished.
He's like, yo, if it's the last day of your manicure and it fails, do not
fix it. Because that's what gives it this
wasn't planned. You're ruining this for me. I'm sorry.
Oh, no!
I was about to say it!
Oh, my gosh!
Oh, my gosh!
I thought this was a struggle situation.
Wait, wait, wait. Hold on.
It was until Craigslist stopped
allowing people like him to get girls and they
had to start going through agencies.
So every one of the girls on the show has an agent.
Yeah, and they're like new girls, like fresh off the boat new girls.
You know, that's what we would call them out there.
So it's still kind of new.
Fresh off the boat is so funny.
That's what we call Indian immigrants.
It's really funny because you know their parents didn't have a boat.
We'll get to you there.
No.
And nothing's fresh either.
Nothing's fresh.
So leave it at that as well
Okay
Okay okay okay okay
So that's ruined
But there was a time early
Where they might have been real
Yes
So you gotta go
There was a time
And you can go back
And find that time
And live in that space
I think that that's what I do
Do you know like the time
I like to go to amateur night
At strip clubs
Which a lot of clubs
Don't have anymore
Yeah
But it was the worst
And the best
There'd be one girl
That's like a ringer And then it would Gradually go down And like the last woman Is a wife of clubs don't have anymore, but it was the worst and the best. There'd be one girl that's like a ringer,
and then it would gradually go down
to like the last woman is a wife of a husband
that wanted her to get up there
that should never be on stage.
She's trying to wear pantyhose to dance nude
because she really doesn't want to be nude.
That shit is great.
That's what you like because it's authentic.
It's real.
It's so authentic.
So how do we,
oh, now we're renovating porn here.
This is like a whole innovation technique.
So how do we create authenticity with someone like you that we know is in on the gig?
You can't.
It's too much.
But Pornhub Amateur is a new site based with like Pornhub Premium where talent from anywhere in the world can upload their own content.
And this is talent that young girls and guys and couples and whoever.
I mean, one couple just shot a scene with a
Tesla, the self-driving
Tesla. So it's like SoundCloud for porn.
And you can find a lot of amateur
stuff up on there that you would love.
Now, this was very smart.
The Tesla porn was smart because
there was some creativity. The car is driving itself
so you guys can fuck while the car drives.
And Musk already commented that he
thought it was great and that he knew the car
Could do a lot of things
When it was in self-driving
So
That was great traffic for them
He probably retweeted
He would
He did retweet
He did retweet it
No shit
Okay so if I had to start
With one video of you
Okay
What should I start with?
You should just go
All the way back to the beginning
When I wasn't as polished
So I would go back
To my very first movie Which was called F for fantasy okay real quick when i look back at my
old jokes i'm like oh god i suck when you look at your old like dick sucking or you're like man
what was i thinking i'll tell you a great story from that shoot so back in the 90s We got paid more
For a facial cumshot
Okay
And so if you had
A 12 picture deal
So you signed for a year
One movie a month
You got paid more
For two cumshots
On the face
Right
This was not very common
In the late 80s
Early 90s
Right
Right
So it was my very first movie
Is that in the contract
Cumshot on the face
Yeah
That's the wording
Yeah facial
Now did you have
Some work on that
Or did you have
Like agents And like lawyers Like this has to be The two cumshots Must be I worked on it myself In the face? Yeah. That's the wording? Yeah, facial. Now, did you have some work on that? Did you have agents and lawyers?
Like, this has to be, the two cum shots must be.
I worked on it myself.
Got it.
But I knew I could get more money for two, because I had already interviewed girls for
two years that were coming in and out of my strip club.
I was in Pennsylvania, and they were features, and I would ask them all these questions.
Like, how do I get on the box cover?
How do I get my name incorporated in the title?
How do I stay here and not down there?
Oh, you looked at it like a business.
Completely. Yeah, yeah. cover how do i get my name incorporated in the title how do i you know stay here and not down there like a business completely yeah and so i remember we broke right before the setup and the director looked at me and said okay we're gonna do a facial and i looked right at him and i
said ew it's come and it's gonna be on my face and that moment went down in history and he still
tells everybody that story because now look it's like now you could it's normal i mean
but that was so shocking it's weird if it's not on your face and then i had to work on it because
then i had to be like okay i have to wait for it what happens if i blink i was asking all these
questions what happens if it goes in my eye what happens if i blink what am i supposed to do do i
look at the camera now and it was really a moment and now it's just a different story so yes i've
come a long way i've come a long way okay but did you think your skills weren't as good back in the day?
Do you think they've improved?
I've definitely practiced, yes.
I mean, it's just reps, right?
It's reps, yo.
But here's the thing I'm curious about, right?
Are you only...
Okay, when you're in there with the porn stars, that's different dick.
Yeah.
Right?
Like, that's not...
You're not getting that if you're just at the club.
No, no, no, no, no.
Especially because he's juiced.
He's on PEDs.
He's either doing Viagra.
It's a foot.
That's the biggest difference.
Right?
So it's like if I practice my jumper on a seven foot rim, it's going to be a lot different
than if I'm in the game, it's 10 feet.
So it's like whatever you were practicing with is not going to be porn star dick.
Right.
So then what happens when you're back in the game?
You can't really practice that much. Well, I practiced off camera with a lot of porn stars dick. Right. So then what happens when you're back in the game? You can't really practice that much.
Well, I practiced off camera
with a lot of porn stars
for many years.
What is that shit
that World Wide West does?
That game he has in LA?
You got a basketball game?
What is it called?
Not the Drew League.
The Drew League.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like,
you need a Dick Drew League
so that you can practice
your skills in the off season
so you're ready
for the Punisher 2
or whatever your porn star is.
Dick Drulik, start it up, Pornhub.
When I was afraid to do anal on camera,
I had porn stars come over and practice with me
because just your fear is right.
I couldn't have civilians do it
because I was like, it's not going to be the same thing
and I need a guy that's going to last the 25 minutes
so I know how to endure this situation.
And so I forced guys to come over and practice with me,
which the guys in the business are very helpful that way.
I can imagine.
Now, you broke down a lot of barriers as far as how I got introduced to her.
Exactly.
You were the first white girl I was seeing consistently fucking black dudes.
I was like, oh, shit.
So to me, as a horny dude, I'm like, yeah, great.
This is awesome.
But I didn't really know
Like the ramifications of it
As far as like
Black guys getting paid more
Because
Or you getting paid less
Because you would mess
With black dudes right
So when I started my contract
I wasn't allowed to work
With brothers
And I didn't know this
So when I asked to work
With Shawn Michaels
At that time
They were like no
We don't let contract girls
Work with brothers
And I was like what
Like this was in my contract.
I didn't realize it.
So what I did was when I got out of my contract, I went to every company and I said, I want
to shoot interracial.
And they all said to me, it'll ruin your career.
We won't shoot you in it.
So I had to do an amateur.
It's called pussy man auditions.
I had to act like that girl you love with the chipped nails, the weird hair and the
unpolished look and act like I'd never been with a brother before
and it was Shawn Michaels.
So that started it.
What was he working with?
What did it look like?
It's a nice size.
Serious?
Polen Spring?
Yeah, yeah.
It's a good size.
Smart water?
It was smart water.
You remember Shawn Michaels?
He's legendary.
I'm thinking of another Shawn.
I'm thinking of the heartbreak kid.
Not the wrestler.
Not the hymen break kid.
Not the heartbreak kid.
Well done. That's what we do over here. Okay, so. So that was a big kid. Not the Heimann Break kid. Well done.
That's what we do over here.
So that was a big one.
On behalf of black people everywhere, we thank you for that.
That was a big step for us.
Thank you.
The men thank you.
The women do not.
You know where the women are the meanest to me?
At JFK Airport.
The Queens women know that their men like me.
And they do not treat me well.
The TSA?
Yes.
The female TSA
yes
they're so mean
that makes perfect sense
they scare me
I do everything they tell me to do
because I'm so afraid of them
also because you won't get on the flight
well they've already done this to me
multiple times
they've not allowed you on the flight
well they just detain you long enough
that you miss your flight
she's a black man terrorist
yes
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no no no no no no no no no no no no no no Bro, she's the nicest. You out here terrorizing black men.
Oh, this is going to go for real so fast.
She's the nicest, bro.
The nicest?
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
So you are out there taking black dick from these sisters, man.
That's fucked up.
But, I mean, I'm not keeping it.
No, you're not keeping it.
They can have it back.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Can we talk about this little thing that I like to put in my pocket?
Oh, shit. Can we talk about this little thing that I like to put in my pocket?
Can we say before the show started?
Hold on. Hold on.
We're not going to leave this.
No, we're not.
We're not.
Lisa was flirting with him so hard.
No, he's pretty.
He's a pretty.
He's a beautiful man.
He's so pretty.
No joke.
No joke.
Hung.
Thor's hammer.
So it's a third leg.
I've seen it.
Like a kickstand.
I mean, listen.
Sure.
They call him the billy goat. It's not. You know what I mean?. I've seen it. Like a kickstand. I mean, listen, sure. They call him the Billy Goat.
It's not, but...
Nah, stop lying.
You're being bashful, bro.
With handwriting that small,
I think it's big.
You see how small he writes?
Look at his little handwriting.
Look at this.
You need a microscope
to read his handwriting.
That's the only thing
you need a microscope for.
Be honest with you.
Stop it.
We out of here.
Akash, stop it.
Akash was a big deal.
We know you're a hunk
He'd be great in a movie
That's so funny
He shows up
He's the IT guy for Best Buy
You know what I mean
And he shows up to tell you
That you haven't been looking at enough porn
And then next thing you know
He shows you what
You haven't been looking at enough porn
You don't have enough viruses
You don't have enough viruses
That's the problem
Let's spread a few viruses over here
You need a floppy disk Is that the problem? Let's spread a few viruses over here. Raw sex.
Jesus Christ.
You need a floppy disk?
Did I age myself?
Is it a little too old?
No, you need a new hard drive.
Okay, so Big Dick Akash.
That's what we usually call him on the show, right?
But he's super bashful about his big dick.
It's like the weirdest thing because he understands it doesn't fit his body.
Right.
It's like cartoonishly large.
He doesn't look big.
You know what I mean?
He doesn't look like he has a big dick.
Here's the weird thing about it.
It's fat and long.
This is common in the business.
A lot of performers like James Dean when he was 18 and got in the business, he was just
a dick on a stick just like you are.
I'm right.
You're a stick on a stick.
And the smaller...
Very cold as... Wow. That's what like you are. I'm Raj. You're a dick on a stick. And the smaller. Dick on a stick.
Wow.
That's what we call it.
The small.
I'm Indian Ron Jeremy.
Raj Jeremy.
Raj Jeremy.
Raj Jeremy.
Raj Jeremy.
That's the name of the episode.
Raj Jeremy.
There it is.
There it is.
There it is.
There it is.
Real talk.
Wow, man.
OK.
So did you know.
OK.
When you walk in the room, are you so.
You know how like women have gaydar and like
men have gaydar, they can tell if someone's gay?
Do you have dickdar?
In some sense, yes.
So you could tell that he had a huge dick just by looking.
Sometimes I can tell that someone's going to disappoint me as well.
And I did not feel that you were going to disappoint me.
Put your hand down.
Yo, stop it.
Stop it.
Stop being so damn bashful.
So Akash has big dick energy.
Right?
He does.
100%.
God, we've been telling people this.
I mean, who walks around the city in that cap and that shirt being Right? He does. 100%. We've been telling people this. I mean,
who walks around the city
in that cap and that shirt
being fly?
He does.
And why does he do that?
Because he can.
Wow.
That's so funny.
I'll take it.
I'll take it, bro.
I'll take it.
Take it.
Research project later.
We've never seen it hard or soft
We just know
I won't photograph it but I'll tell you
That's the thing
I've heard rumors
I see the big dick energy
Yeah yeah don't you know
You just cut me off
Don't you off right
Absolutely I've seen it
I'm slinging that thing around
Walking around slinging that thing
Thank god he's wearing the fucking pants
Dude sometimes he'll wear shorts
And like in the episode
And it's getting hot out now It will fall out It will he'll wear shorts and like in the episode, it will fall out.
It will fall out one of the shorts in the episode.
I get it.
One of those black guys used to play basketball in the NBA.
The one he used to wear when he first came to the league?
Are you single?
Nah, I got to go.
Wiped up.
See?
She's a smart woman.
She's a smart woman.
They're never single either.
The dick in the stick is never single.
Never single.
So true.
The girlfriend
Always with them
Yep
They don't let them go
And they don't talk about
How good they are in bed
Because they don't want
Anybody else to try and jump on them
It's very true
They've been together
For a while too
She will deal with anything
She knows what's going on
She knows what's going on
Do girls do that?
Do girls
If they hear that a guy
Is good in bed
Do they try to take it?
Of course
Really?
Yeah
So you think girls
Are going to be sliding into DMs
Because now they know
How big and fat
His fucking dick is
Quite possibly
Could happen
That's my boy
I heard about you
That's my boy
Big dick in the stick
Oh no bro
We should make him a Tinder
Fake Tinder
We should make him a child's book
And see what happens
Dick in the stick
That'll be a pop-up book
Yeah we need to do a pop-up.
Yeah, we need to do a pop-up.
Who would have thought?
Who would have thought it took Lisa to come here for us to realize how big Akash's dick is?
Yep.
You just knew it.
She locked in so fast.
That was crazy.
Now I'm freaking him out. You can see it.
Now he feels inside.
Lisa!
Lisa's a bully, bro. was crazy. Now I'm freaking him out. You can see it. Look at him. Look at him.
Lisa's a bully, bro.
Lisa's a bully, yo. She gonna want that dick.
I like this.
She's a bully, bro.
I'm watching a boy.
That's why I can't watch the porn, because she's in too much control.
You're in too much control.
I understand that. It's not for everyone.
I watch only foreign porn, because I don't know the control I would rather like I watch only
foreign porn because I don't know the talent and they don't speak English so
it just you can just play music and it's just different after we became friends
I stopped watching it for normal that's what a civilized person I don't know what that says about me, but I got some Google to do.
What was the name of the first one again?
Flesh for Fantasy.
Alex got it up on the phone.
Okay.
It was shot on film, so it doesn't really translate to the internet very well.
Hold on.
It was shot on film?
Yeah.
How old are you?
47.
They had the shit that was da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
Yeah.
Forever.
Took four hours to shoot the same scene that would now take 35 minutes.
And the guy had to stay hard for four hours without Viagra?
No Viagra.
So we would have a private room where when they were relighting the area and everything,
and nope, just the talent would go in the room together and be intimate and keep each other going.
It was the girl's actual responsibility.
That's where I learned the most about sex.
So you would practice off camera. You had to keep the guy hard off camera. Yeah. But not make him come. other going it was the girl's actual responsibility that's where i learned the most about sex so you
would practice off camera you had to keep the guy hard off camera yeah but not make him come right
right but you just want to keep them engaged it was tough because it was a long time four hours
of intimacy like not even just intimacy yeah that's exhausting imagine how lightheaded you
would get with your big ass dick full of blood i don't think that he could be hard for four hours
I don't think that he could be hard for four hours.
You might die.
There's no blood left in his head.
He's supposed to be a dark-skinned Indian man,
but he's so blood deficient because it's just hanging at the bottom of his dick.
Dude, his dick looks like the Liberty Bell.
It's just heavy down there, big old helmet.
Are we freaking you out?
Not as much.
He's good. He's good. We We need to get a morning so this table lifts
It's like one of those toys you used to get at Puppo
when you just open shit up.
Get over here.
He's leaning in.
Finally leaning in.
Well done.
Big Dick Akash.
Dick on a stick.
Oh, BDA.
That's your name, bro.
So now that we know what you would search,
what would you search for porn?
What is your idea of porn?
I don't watch porn.
I don't know.
What do you jerk off to if you have to jerk off?
You just got to get it out the system.
What do you jerk off to?
Do you have a best of reel up here?
Yeah, just the old Spank Bank.
Someone like using coupons?
So what's in your Spank Bank?
Saving money, bro?
If this motherfucker
sees money saved
I think
I go on
slickdeals.net
and I just
fucking hammer it out
yo real talk
hotel tonight
most used
back off that
I got the four seasons
for $75
hey
press line
name your own deal
that's that foreplay
for me
me and my girl
get on that shit
before sex.
Like, hey, see what you did five stars for, dude.
Bro, some saliva and extreme couponing on TLC?
That's a night.
That's a night.
That's a night.
This episode's already off the fucking rails.
No, no, no.
This is perfect.
This is great.
All right, Kaz.
So what about you?
If you got a whack, what do you make of it?
If I got a whack?
I'm an ass guy. I'm an ass guy.
I'm an ass guy.
I love black.
Black is great.
Just like, I like to beat off the shit that I usually don't get.
So, like, I date mostly black women.
So, white women.
So, yeah, I mean, you know, some white chicks would be in there.
But, you know, like, I like, like, how you say, like, amateur porn?
I like my porn fucking clean, well-produced.
I like to see the fucking, I like my 4K shit. You're a man of quality. I'm a man of quality. You know, like, if it's, like, well-produced shit. I like to see the fucking I like my 4k shit
I'm a man of quality like if it's like well produced shit. I'm like oh wow I can see like the fucking
The boat behind the fucking window like whatever like I just like my shit like highly produced
Okay, you know what you would love low quality. I'll watch it through a cell phone. How much of porn seems sad? That's why I like it.
That's what I meant to say.
You know what I did just get into?
I jerk off to the negotiation.
I don't jerk off to the sex.
I did just start getting into OnlyFans and shit.
Oh yeah, because that's the shit.
We make it ourselves.
We self-produce off of our phone.
I have OnlyFans.
It's the greatest thing ever.
You have OnlyFans?
Of course.
It's linked to our Twitter.
Is this cameo, but with porn?
Yes.
Except with porn, yes. And you can do live. You can do videos. So you but with porn? Yes. Except with porn, yes.
And you can do live.
You can do videos.
So you're fucking fans?
No, no, no, no.
Some girls are.
But I'm just doing solos.
Like tonight, when I get back to the hotel, I'll put a stand up in my bathroom.
And I'll just video me taking my shower.
Because why would you waste that?
Somebody wants to watch that.
And then I'll put up my OnlyFans.
Internet is crazy.
You can monetize anything.
I just thought of something you would love.
Okay, go.
So I still feature dance about six months a year, two weekends a month.
And I go into these clubs and I'm always in the office.
And they have this wall of cameras.
And you get to watch every single lap dance taking place at that moment.
And literally, I can watch it and narrate it for hours.
Because I narrate the girl that's talking to the guy.
And you see the guy annoyed that his wife talks and he wants this girl doing something.
Then you see the girl that's wasted. She's flat out having sex the guy annoyed that his wife talks, and he wants this girl doing something. Then you see the girl that's wasted.
She's flat out having sex with the guy.
I'm like, oh, just saw a penis.
And then the girl that's barefoot, and it's climbing up.
I love it so much.
Lisa, let me tell you something.
Next time I go, I'll video it and narrate it for you like I do my friends and send it
to you.
No, no.
Please send that to me, too.
If we're in the same city.
Or you have us come.
Let me tell you how much I can watch the security cam at a Walmart.
It doesn't even have to be pornography.
I love it.
Me too.
I lived on the second floor in my apartment.
My dad had binoculars.
This is like some legendary passed down creepy shit.
This sounds a little creepy.
My dad would just sit on the window and just eavesdrop on people's conversations.
I love it.
I love it.
Even not sexually.
If you add sex,
it's just going to be that much better.
What was that movie?
Was it Sliver years ago?
What was the movie
where there was a guy
that was up in the top of the building
and he watched everybody
in their apartments on camera?
That sounds familiar.
That was so good.
I think you're talking about my childhood.
I could watch that.
But the lap dance room
is made set to watch.
Dude, real talk.
Come on.
Oh, you're right.
Plank that, man.
I'm giving out the address of my family. Damn, bullshit. Mark that. Oh, you're right. Blank that, man. I'm giving out the address of my family.
Mark that.
Wow.
That dick is talking for you right now.
No common sense.
All the blood's down there.
All the blood's gone.
God, it happens to you guys so quickly.
So yeah, okay.
Maybe I could get into that.
You would like that.
Huh?
You would like that.
All right, what else?
What else should I try out?
You know what?
I'll be honest with you.
I don't like watching too much porn because i think it affects my it affects me
sexually sometimes it does you know i'm speaking on this topic next week in london at the oxford
union about what porn is doing to the mind melt of young people and how it's changing their reality
of what they expect should happen to them i'm opening my my speech with this. 99.9% of what you see on the internet will never
happen for you.
So just forget about it.
People get paid to do it. Most of the talent are doing
things they've never done in their real life before. They might
not ever do it off camera.
How many people are able to arrange a gangbang
off camera? Kind of hard.
You know what I mean? Got to be a bunch of people available
at the same time. No one flakes.
All these things. They all get along.
No one's going to kill you.
It's tough.
Yo, that is so, it's hard to get like a guest here sometimes.
Exactly.
You know what I'm saying.
You know what I'm saying.
That is a great point.
Just the logistics of a gangbang.
Logistically.
Like finding three people that are available on a Tuesday night in your city.
Yeah, you might have some shit to do. You got homework.
I book one every six months
and it takes me four months to book a gangbang.
That I produce and I shoot.
I direct. Do you fuck for not
video ever? I do.
I only shoot two days a month. That's it.
Two scenes a month, but I fuck off camera at home.
Does fucking off camera,
is that completely different
than you're on camera are
you like a mush you're a mush huh no but you can be intimate like you on camera you're always
opening up for the camera like be held and shit missionary i know my angles that are good i know
it looks good i know how to give the right camera angle even the person i'm with at home but
it's really about you have to stay open for the camera you're under these hot bright lights
fuck the camera
I'm talking about
Just your intimate stuff
You and a person
Off camera
Fucking at home
Right
How lame is it
It's not lame at all
Be honest
Are you still performing
Well I'm not thinking
Of being on camera
You're performing a little
But I still want to
Turn my guy on
So I still want to
Do the right things
Provide the right angles
He's fucking the top
0.1% of fuckers
On the planet.
I tell him that sometimes.
It's valedictorian pussy.
He went,
what he wants to FaceTime with me,
I say,
people pay for me
to cam with him.
I don't think I should FaceTime
with you for free.
This is awful.
So this is your boyfriend
that you have now
or husband?
A boyfriend, kind of.
But are you guys open?
Are you guys closed?
What's the deal?
We've been open for a while
and now I think we're closed.
Well, you're open
two times a month.
He's fine with that.
So he's cool with you getting fucked two times a month by other guys're open two times a month Yeah yeah He's fine with that So he's cool with you getting
Fucked two times a month
By other guys
Yeah
Even the facials
He's cool with that
Yes yes
Cause that you can't
Like does he ever kiss you
And it salts
Oh my gosh
I always
I don't see him on the days
That I shoot
That's kind of a rule of mine
Okay
But what do you do
So there's multiple showers involved
Between that and that
A lot of showers
Oh yeah
You shower once on set
I would make you do the thing
That makes your head all red
Then you go to the spa.
Microderm.
Microderm, yeah.
No, but I always put in my schedule days that I'm not available to hang.
Gotcha.
So you just say, we can't hang these days.
I have to get a micro facial.
Or I'm busy.
These days are blacked out.
My last movie was called Blackout.
Really?
Really?
Makes sense.
It's serious.
It's serious.
It's gangbanging it.
Here's the reason a gangbang is tough.
You also have to find a location where you can have multiple cars or you need to coordinate
Ubers, everybody.
It's crazy how long it's taken you to get to six dudes.
And then you can't have carpet.
You got to have a location that has some sort of tile or floor that they're okay with this
much semen on it, of course.
That's interesting as well.
There's a lot of details.
Here's something I don't get.
How do the guys all come at the same time?
It's not easy.
It's not easy.
I mean, that seems very...
She's the goat, bro.
No offense.
I'm like the conductor.
But like this, though.
Like this.
Yeah, I'm like the conductor.
And then you hope for the best.
And then there's editing as well.
So you can sneak some stuff to make it look like it happened more at the same time.
And do the dudes ever come on each other and then have a fight?
They try not to.
They never fight about it.
If you come on me, I'm fighting.
They're all professionals.
That's a fight.
The second my dick gets soft, we're fighting.
It's a work hazard.
When I was an agent, I booked a guy in a boy-boy-girl scene.
He didn't like the other guy.
And so he called me on the way from set.
I came on him.
Wow.
I was like, wow, that was spiteful. He goes, he didn way from setting so I came on that's awesome
yo if someone comes on you bro that's it I'm retiring you might hit your
neighbor's place by real talk you never see those hipster kids that got the holes in their ear? They're like this big? That's from our house coming home.
They're like this big now?
Exactly.
I think it's a Bluetooth speaker.
I don't know what it is.
Makes me feel old.
God, that is so tricky, that coming at the same time thing.
I've never thought about that until you literally just asked me.
I thought that was a crazy question, and then she was at me like, it's tough.
It is?
Because it's on you to make them come.
This is a legit question. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, I didn it's tough. Because it's on you to make them come.
This is a legit question.
Yeah, yeah.
Is it on you to make them come at the same time
or do they hold some responsibility?
We get to the point where they're like two minutes out
and then they all synchronize at that two minute out.
Most guys want to set up.
They want to cool off a little bit.
They have their thing they want to go through
and then they're ready
and then everybody gets ready at the same time.
It doesn't really go directly from the scene to that moment.
There's usually about five, ten minutes.
Some guys like to smoke a joint, smoke a cigarette.
They have this break time that they need between the actual sex
and when they're actually going to pop.
What?
Yeah, whatever their method is, I support it.
It's different.
Interesting.
It is interesting.
I didn't even know.
I was about to say, do they have a cue, kind of like a quarterback,
when they're like, oh, I'm open.
I'm like, you know.
A hot rod.
A hot rod.
A hot rod.
Do you know certain people's tics when they're about to?
I do.
If it's just a boy-girl scene, just me and another guy,
he can cue my camera person when there's a setup where his head's off camera,
and he'll be able to go like, okay, I'm two minutes away away without us even stopping so there is some hand signals and communication going on these
guys have it down to a second because that's what they do i got like eight seconds back
a minute 50 seconds before we start
hey get ready bitch it is about to begin and. Does she have to get ready in the other room and work her way towards it?
Do you ever feel, have you gotten used to the double takes of people not knowing how
they know you and then figuring out how they know you?
I've gotten very used to it.
Because I imagine that's most of your life.
It's like, is that a waiter from my local restaurant?
Oh, no, that's Lisa Ann.
And there's a different look in the eye when people realize.
It's almost like that adrenaline kicks in because they realize they've masturbated to it.
Because they've seen your pussy.
It's different than another celebrity or an athlete or somebody they love.
You're a big part of people's maturity level when they grow up.
Yeah, so it becomes like some people panic.
They go to shake my hand and it's just dripping wet.
With cum.
Or they start sweating by their face.
Or they want to take a selfie but they can't because their hand is like this.
And I'm like, I got you, boo.
But yeah.
And it's really pretty much 99.9% of my outdoor life.
Anywhere I go, grocery store, gym.
Today, I was trying to have a meeting with my boss outside of the Sirius building.
And we just got.
It was nonstop.
And then there was just like a crowd around waiting for the meeting to end.
They were just staring at us.
And it's the glass door office, right?
We actually decided I wanted to sit outside.
Okay, gotcha.
Which was a dumb idea.
Did you think about getting famous as a porn star when you started?
There was no internet.
So, you know, the girls that shot then, we shot on videos on VHS.
They only made so many copies.
It was done.
So we literally thought this is going to fall off the shelf one day and then nobody.
And the girls who shot back then don't get recognized. i'll use christy canyon for example she has a show on
sirius she's been in the business for years but hasn't shot since the internet she doesn't get
recognized when she's out because it's two completely different worlds and her product
was never put on the internet so that film was never transferred so it's different generation
and yeah the internet has changed the game
So I couldn't even have that thought process when I started to know how big this would get now
You really got big with the nail and palin stuff, right?
so like what was the difference between like that moment and like before when it was just like
You came though you came through like the video era and then when this like big viral moment happened with the presidency like that moment
Was my friends started telling me,
if you see a black car pull up,
they're going to put you in the trunk and take your body for organs.
My friends were so freaked out.
Because it's politicians and there's activists
and there's people that are just so far right.
And by the way, I did just visit Wasalla, Alaska,
which is where Sarah Palin lives.
We didn't link up.
But I did take a photo of me by the sign that says,
Welcome to Wasalla, which was awesome.
But it was a game changer because it took me to mainstream press
that I had never done.
I had CNN reaching out to me.
I had people like I was doing regular interviews,
and it was so bizarre to me because I'm like,
Wait a minute.
I'm playing a porno role of this woman.
Why are you taking me so seriously?
This is how ridiculous America is. You've bought into this this you've bought into that i have some views i literally
watched her do that vp debate and it was the day i got the call asking me if i would do the role
and i watched that debate and just she had this black shiny suit on a couple pair of lashes and
i'm standing up right in front of my tv and i'm like, I kind of got it. Like, I get it. She's
easy and she's fun and
she just kept speaking and giving us... And she also
fucked black guys. This is true. She sure did.
Glenn Rice. Glenn Rice.
And I have a set of sneakers signed by Glenn Rice
that I collected after the pale and white. Really?
Signed with what? His signature.
Wow.
She did, yeah. But that was
a game changer for me
And that just changed my notoriety
Right after that I was able
I did the Eminem video for the song We Made You
Which was an epic experience
Of course you can imagine
Artists every week reach out to my people
Like will she shoot this video
And I'm like you know what
After you're in an Eminem video
Why would you ever do another music video
I don't want the money
I don't want like
Nothing can be better than that.
How much longer are you going to do it?
A couple more years here and there.
It's not a commitment.
My main goal really is to just build my career with Sirius because I love doing fantasy sports.
I'm really getting myself into the betting, gambling aspect of this new world we're all going to be living in eventually when it's legal in New York and in California.
And I just like talking on the radio.
It's an easy gig.
Do people ever criticize your knowledge of sports?
They do, and they did a lot more when I first started.
So what I did was just studied harder.
And I just made sure that I wouldn't get myself,
like I'll take cue cards before every season
to the gym with me for weeks
and just memorize every trade that's happened
and just repeatedly read it, pronunciations, everything right just so that i don't get it because i have to prove myself more
than somebody else would and i'm willing to do that i'm willing to do that because like you have
you have a connection to some athletes that a lot of people obviously don't know right it's like
you fucked athletes right right and now you're talking about sports right but that doesn't
necessarily mean you know right about like i've models, but I don't know about clothing.
You know what I mean?
That's a very subtle flex, by the way.
No, but I'm not...
Very, very subtle flex.
I'm not putting models on a pedestal, per se.
You know what I mean?
Akash would break some if he did.
I guess what I'm saying is, like, me doing that wouldn't make me feel like I know about
what they do.
But I knew about sports my whole life. I was raised in a big sports family so it's basketball and for example
edin has fucked illegal immigrants that doesn't make him an expert
and by that I mean jerked off
I was very much wondering where that was going. I should have guessed that. No.
So I guess what I'm saying is,
I guess what I'm saying is like,
so people are going to have a natural doubt when it comes to your knowledge about sports.
The first year was tough.
The first year was filled with,
how am I supposed to take fantasy sports advice
from a girl who takes dicks in her ass?
And then I realized,
I'm just sorry that that guy never had a girl
let him stick his dick in her ass.
That's really what that's about. It's not me it's about his dick envy you know what i mean
you know so i learned how to flip it but it was a bit shocking but i was kind of prepared for it
because look at the masses right i look at my peers yeah not always the best examples on tmz
passed out in the strip in vegas or getting carried out of a club so i look at the numbers and I'm like, okay, I come from this group, of course, but I just
work harder at it.
I just study all the time.
I listen to my channel about six hours a day.
I listen to about eight hours of sports news a day.
Wow.
So the interesting thing about fantasy, right, which I think benefits you, is at the end
of the day, your commentary is worth something if it's good.
And it is, what's the opposite? It actually hurts someone if it's good. And it is, what's the opposite?
It actually hurts someone if it's bad.
So it's like, they don't give a fuck if you know about the sports or not
if your picks are making them money.
Right.
That's exactly true.
So you have to make the money.
And eventually they go, well, I don't care if she takes dicks in the ass.
But if you don't make the money,
you're like, this dick in the ass taking bitch lost me $500.
And that's what it comes down to.
And if somebody's going to ask you a question and you don't
do the accurate research to find out the match
up, the weather, anything potentially
that could change the name of that game,
you're doing them a disservice. Don't answer the question.
So I find my time. You wrote the book.
How did writing the book help you
transition into the radio world
and doing fantasy sports? Writing the book
really helped me organize my thoughts and
see all the things that I've done
and see what opportunity was really out there for me.
It also helped me understand that as many people
that have come at me in my life with judgment
and with their lack of understanding of my choices
just being different than theirs,
I've lived a pretty cool fucking life.
I just had to get a new passport,
not because mine expired, but because I filled it.
And when I landed at LAX, the douchebag fucking stamped a hole in it.
He's like, your passport is too full.
You got to get a new one.
I was like, well, I was aggressive.
But the cool thing is I've cut it apart.
I'm blowing it up and putting it on a canvas in my house because that's an accomplishment that a lot of people won't have.
And that's because of the business.
So the risks I've taken have rewarded me in ways that many people won't understand.
How much is the most money you've been offered for sex?
Oh, and like to be with a stranger, like prostitution, a ton.
But I've never done it.
Really?
Never.
Now, this is common, though.
Half a million.
So $500,000, some chick from Saudi Arabia or something like that wants it.
I would never.
And you say no.
No.
$500,000?
No. To me, a one-on-one experience, I would never. And you say no. No. $500,000.
To me, a one-on-one experience, I'm giving a piece of my soul to somebody.
I'm sharing myself.
To me on set, I'm getting my freak on because I'm being watched.
I know other people are going to watch.
I'm creating a product that everybody's invested in. Right.
And I feel a part of this thing, this really unique thing that not many people could do,
feel good about it, present themselves.
So I feel this substance here.
When it comes to the one-on-one, I'm like,
it just scares me.
I'm afraid to be like,
I'm not going to go on a date with a stranger either.
Right.
So no, I've never done it.
What about 10 million if someone said that?
No, I still wouldn't.
Even if you just donated all of it to Flint for water?
I wouldn't.
That's a great idea.
You wouldn't do that for the children?
Yeah, for Flint.
Okay, you know what?
For Flint?
Maybe for Flint. But would I actually have to have sex with a guy? You know't do that for the children Yeah For Flint Okay you know what For Flint Maybe for Flint
But would I actually
Have to have sex with a guy
You know what I mean
Well 10 million for Flint
That would make a huge difference
So maybe for that reason
I would
Because I'm all about clean water
You are all about
Giving back to the black community
That's really what it is
Lisa
The hero we didn't know
We wanted or something
Whatever that's saying
Okay
10 million
Because 10 million is different
It is
I would give a piece of my soul
Would I have to pay the tax on it
Or would he have to pay the tax on it
We got to work all this out
There's business
10 million flat
Okay
It's charitable donation
It's tax deductible
Yeah but when I get the money
As the earner
I got to pay income tax on it
Then you just donate all that
Bang
Okay
That goes out of your income
So 10 mil
Okay
I'm saying this is a hypothetical
Hypothetical
But 10 mil is a lot of money
You could do whatever you want with it
you could build wells in Africa
and it can't be a guy in Dubai or Saudi Arabia
you're not into the brown guys
I'm not going to the chic
no it's not that
you haven't heard what I said about white women
there's no way to make offense to any of it
I was about to say this is the first interaction I've seen with a white woman that wasn't contentious ever.
So you're in the very first place.
I just noticed that Kaz doesn't have his Invisalign in.
Because I can't talk.
Oh, you want to talk to him?
You want to get all your bars out today.
This is my last one, though.
Oh, really?
Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah My mouth is always important
So you know
Hey
Okay
Alright so we found
Found somewhat a situation
It's just
It's a thing that I think
A lot of
Very few
Small percentage of the population
Gets to go through
Like they get to put their self
In that moral dilemma
Like would I
Like nobody's offered me Half a million dollars For my dick yeah right yet and would i give that
to them i think yeah all signs are yeah i mean i've performed stand-up at uh like a buffet yeah
so it's like who am i to turn down half a million for my dick but you're making it now you're making
big money i heard you had an interior decorator. Listen, I'm waiting.
Have some lady.
Come on.
You should know.
I got that going right now.
I heard that.
If you want to sing in Eames' chair.
It's fake. You got a fake one of those.
I heard all about that.
Okay.
Okay.
I've been listening.
So dope.
Okay.
Lisa.
Yes.
I want to know what you think is the future for Lisa Ann.
I want to know what happens.
I want to know realistically.
You're directing.
Are you going to be more producer in a biz?
You leave in a biz?
You go on only sports?
I think the business is going to dissolve itself in the next two years, and everything
is going to be self-produced.
I think there'll be a couple small companies, like Blacked.
There'll be like four or five companies other than Brazzers.
I like Blacked.
Blacked.
Blacked.
Blacked. Blacked. Blacked. Blacked. Blacked. Blacked. Blacked. Blacked. Blacked. Blacked. Blacked. Blacked. Blacked. Blacked. Blacked. Blacked. Blacked. Blacked. Blacked. Blacked. Blacked. Blacked. Blacked. Blacked. Blacked. Blacked. Blacked. Blacked. Blacked. Blacked. Blacked. Blacked. Blacked. Blacked. There'll be like four or five companies other than Brazzers. Greg Lansky.
There'll be Brazzers. There'll be
Reality Kings. Bang Bros.
There'll be about five players. That's it.
Everybody else is going to go under.
Now the talent doesn't need to show up
to deal with some slimy director who's an
asshole when they can just bust out their
phone and take a bubble bath at home and make the
same money. And it really is the same
money. So the control's been been taken back the problem now is no
one wants to work you can try and book a movie no one wants to work and the guys
who work every day are even noticing a difference where they don't want to do
just only fans
This is interesting.
I do believe that it's going to really
do itself in.
One question I did have.
People always say
porn directs
where technology
is going to head, right?
Is there anything
that you've seen in porn
that you're going to say
like, oh,
everyone's going to be doing this
in the next couple years?
They've been trying to do 3D
and all of this
for so long
and it's so weird
because no one understands
the natural thing.
Yeah, that's like VR stuff
and VR is huge
but like no one
really understands
the equipment
and you're taking
people that are
from our industry
and you're having
them operate equipment
that maybe they're
not that great with
it has to be shot
a certain way
Browsers is starting
a video game
where we get to
make a little bit
off of our name
we get to tell them
what we wouldn't
want to do
and then these guys
will come in
and pay so much
to be director
and say, I want Lisa Ann, this guy.
So that's what they're working on.
That's their all-time experience.
Like Korn 2K?
Yeah.
That is amazing.
Do you get to build a porn star?
It is just like that.
Now, do you build it from the ground up?
You can build.
You can build.
Can you go to career mode and be a bad father
and do everything you can to get there, like miss cheerleading practice?
And she's like, ooh, I'm going to suck some dick today.
I think we're going to stay with all things that were above 18 years old.
Right, right, right.
And that'll make that better.
But I'm saying career mode you have to build.
Dynasty mode.
Dynasty mode.
Yeah.
Porn isn't built in your 20s, right?
No, no.
It's built in your early teens.
It's embedded in your early teens.
One in a million percent.
So how did you end up doing?
Did you have some fucked up childhood?
I was on my own at 16.
Really?
And I didn't want to, my biggest thing was I just didn't want a GED.
It was devastating to me to have a GED.
So I stayed in high school, which wasn't easy.
I had to go to school till noon.
So you got a BBD?
The school had to have me working at a local dentist's office till 6.
And then that wasn't enough to pay my bills.
Right.
So I started driving all over New Jersey and PA, Philly, you know, the tri-state area,
and doing bikini contests.
And they were a pretty good hustle, because you could make 500 bucks a pop, and for me,
that would help me for a month.
And I started running the circuit, well, strippers do bikini contests, and eventually, a girl
came up to me, she said, hey, I'll help you get get fake id and i could take you to my club and they'll never know
and so i got fake id and started dancing but even before this like your relationship with your
parents and all this stuff you hear these tropes about porn stars and strippers if they got a
report card i'm pretty sure it would be an f really yeah yeah you know it is what it is we
don't have a relationship not at all no really and then what what happens like what happens you think the psyche that allows or like pushes girls maybe to do this
i think there's two different thought processes right there's a broken girl that is looking for
attention and this is a great way for that validation right then there's the other girl
who's just like i don't want to rely on anybody ever and i want to make as much money as possible
always that was kind of me you know where i was like even though my parents weren't great
i didn't resent i don't hold things i'm not unforgiving but for me it was just like how
can i not be my mom because my mom was in a horrible divorce with my dad he didn't give
her money and i just remember thinking why would i let some dude knock me up this is going to be
the situation right and so i just wanted to make as much money as I could and be in control of my own destiny.
That's why you approach it like a business.
That's why you were interviewing for two years.
Now, was there a part of you that's also like,
okay, I don't give a fuck if my parents don't like it
because fuck them.
Exactly, yeah.
So that plays a little bit into it, right?
It does.
And you try to get them to be on board.
It's great now because a lot of the-
Hold on, hold on.
You're trying to get your parents to be on board.
What is that?
Well, there's a lot of girls
In younger talent in the business now
Where their parents are supportive
Of their choices
Which is great
Because you know what
Those kids don't get wrapped up in drugs
They don't meet a loser boyfriend
For love and validation
And they end up doing better
In the industry
And it's something that like
Hey this is a legit career
Like this is legal
Like we can pay taxes on this
Like it's okay
And I'm seeing that It's really great to see younger people have a part of that though too
like kind of like normalizing porn for like the mainstream yeah there's like a handful of nobody
questions whether it's like a legit career you can make money on legitimately a lot of times you
know it's similar to stand up or even similar to fighting right it's like that's what you don't
fight if you have any other opportunity. Right.
Okay?
If you're choosing to box
or do MMA
or any of these things,
it's because everything else
wasn't there.
Right.
Getting punched in the face
and forever altering your life
is a dangerous prospect.
Of course it is.
So I think you see,
even with comedy,
it's like walking in front
of strangers
and begging for their validation
so you can feel whole.
We're needy.
Yeah. We're broken somewhere. Yeah, exactly feel whole it's like you're not doing that yeah we're broken somewhere yeah exactly so it's like this is not something that
is idiosyncratic to pornography right you see this in a lot of different fields in life right right
i think maybe if there were a lot if there were guys that could fuck to get that validation they
wouldn't be telling jokes right but you know most comic dick is trash i don't know if you've ever been now you know not this guy
um so so there is something going on there right 100 there's an isolation and this business will
isolate you more than anything else you'll ever do in the world you know it is the most and i tell
people when they're getting this is the loneliest world you're ever gonna live in but you have to
you have to be comfortable with loneliness to even enter it, right?
Exactly.
You're on your own.
You're 16.
There's nobody else out there for you or supporting you or helping you, right?
You're making yourself survive.
And you realize at a young age, like, oh, shit.
Yeah, the world's fucked up.
Like, this whole thing, like, we're all in this together is bullshit.
It's all bullshit.
You have to feed yourself and put a roof over your head.
This is what I'm going to go do to do it. And at 16, having a car, car insurance, rent, everything else, and still going to high school was hard, right?
You know, you're looking at, at that time, my rent was like $350, which is hella cheap because I'm old.
But still, that was a lot to come up with.
Car insurance was ridiculous for a 16-year-old on her own.
So, yeah, for me, that was exactly it.
And as it starts to build and you realize, like, okay, I'm going to buy a house And then I'm going to have
This nest egg
And then if I just
One on one day
Just say fuck it all
Sell it
Move to Europe
You're good for the rest
Of your life
You're just working
And saving
And working and saving
And making sure
You're carrying no debt
And pulling nothing with you
That's negative
Do you think if you had
A more supportive
And privileged upbringing
You would have ended up
In pornography
Or you would have
Done something else
Definitely not
What do you think
You would end up doing
I always wanted to be
A sports agent I grew up watching
Arliss. Do you remember that show?
That's Arliss.
He was ahead of his time.
I was like, yo, I want to do it.
He was ahead of his time.
When I started with the channel,
Robert Wool does fantasy baseball and he was on air
before me and he would sign off and say my
name and I would be like, oh my gosh, I grew up watching
this guy on TV and he's saying my name right now.
I don't know if this is 100% factual, but when you think about Arliss, right?
Remember when they had the actual people in the show playing themselves?
Yeah, Michael Jordan was on.
Michael Jordan was himself.
All the athletes were themselves, right?
So I think, and I'm not exactly sure, but I think that was the first mainstream show
to let actors and athletes play themselves.
Then it became like Entourage.
Entourage was after, right?
Entourage was 30 years after.
You are 100% right.
And also, athletes.
What's the Larry David show?
All these things are really taken in Arliss model.
All these PO shows.
So that's why I assume it was just like, yeah, we're just going to do this from Arliss.
And athletes were not PR trained back there.
So it was great because they were awkward.
They were comfortable. And it was great because they were awkward. They were comfortable.
And it was great because they were uncomfortable.
But I knew young men.
Authentic.
That's like the porn I like.
See?
See what I'm saying?
Arliss was the backroom casting couch of comedy.
Yes.
Yes.
Of all shows, Entourage, everything forward.
Yes.
One million percent.
Oh my gosh.
So now you're still in this sports world.
So there was a kernel Of this sports interest
That has blossomed into
What you're now transitioning
To hopefully a career
Yeah
And I love it so much
I love working for Sirius
I've been under contract
Since 2013
Right
My shows continue to grow
During football season
I work a lot more
Than I do during baseball season
Fantasy baseball
Is kind of grueling
I do one show a week
During fantasy baseball season
We don't acknowledge baseball
Baseball's not a't acknowledge baseball I understand
Baseball's not a sport
I understand that
It's a game
But I absolutely love it
You know what
I've met some of the greatest people
In this business
All of the other hosts
From the other shows
Have given me access
To their sites
So that I can read
All the current information
They're not
They're all
You know what
This is a group of
How good are you at reading that
Very good
Like elite level
You know if a guy wants pussy
Or a guy's actually trying to do business?
Right away, good.
Right away?
Right away, good.
You can just tell by their tone, their body language, how they look at you.
I want pussy or I want to do business.
You just want to do business.
Damn, she's good.
Yeah.
Just kidding!
No, I'm just kidding.
No, but you didn't eat.
But you weren't like that to me in Toronto.
No, no, yeah.
You didn't try with me in Toronto.
You were just cool with me in Toronto.
Yeah.
No one fucked with me there.
Yeah, no. And I was there on my own
remember
that's right
is it like unique
when people aren't trying to fuck you
it's like oh thank god
because then otherwise
I gotta kind of be rude
and act like I'm on my phone
even though I'm not
you know
and I just gotta stay on my own
you don't want to do that either
you want to experience
the people experience
and like
I remember listening to you
you were doing Guy Code at the time
and it was so exciting
we were seeing this little back area
Remember there was like
This dark area
Beyond the stage
And it was just neat
To learn about everybody
And I don't want to miss out
On those moments
Because I'm deflecting cock
Right
You know what I'm saying
Now look at us
Six years later
Now I'm saying
It's interesting
There's like
You know
Quick question
So like
You being really good
At fantasy football
Let's see if this is
A quick question
You get a certain
He be asking long ass questions
Because they demand
Long ass answers
So being really good
At fantasy football
You get a certain intel
That a lot of fantasy football
People don't get
Can you like share a story
Of like knowing where
Hey this guy's
In no way
Shaped to play right now
I do find out
When there's locker room drama,
minor colds and flus,
little things
that could be happening.
You watch Game of Thrones?
No.
All right,
well,
there's this character
named Varys in Game of Thrones
and he has these little kids
go out in there
and get information
because kids watch everything
but nobody acknowledges
that they're even there.
Like you with the binoculars
as a kid.
Exactly, right?
So do you have
the hose on tap?
Are you trying to figure out if someone's injured?
You're like, yo.
That's true.
So I just network with somebody on each team and just see what's really going on.
If there's a little bit of squabble, if someone's got a stomach virus,
like something minor that you wouldn't know because they're not going to put them on the injured list or on the DL nothing,
but they're not up to speed, so they're not going to start.
They might have limited minutes.
You don't want to play somebody in DFS that's going to have limited minutes.
So how do you share that without giving away that you have inside info?
Or do you just say, I got inside info?
I share it with people I really care about.
I don't say I have inside info.
But if it's for my teams, it's all hands on deck.
We spoke about certain things.
I'm like, yo, what's going on with this right now?
And also, I get to know players.
And if I know players party a lot or do reckless things,
I never draft them
on my fantasy teams at all
because I know
how they live
and I know the difference
between a player
like Tom Brady,
Larry Fitzgerald.
These are veteran players
who have never been in trouble,
have never done drugs
while they're in the league
and doing anything reckless
and I see these other players
that are doing all this stuff
and getting on IV
before they go back to camp
and I'm like,
I'll never draft you. How do you not give that i'm like i'll never drive you not give that away but that's because like career-wise that'd be great for you to give away something here and there and like morsels so how do you
be like yo i would betray their trust that's a thin line i don't give it away ever but it what's
great is i know recommendations i do but like if I'm in a league competing against people that I want to beat, I'll hype up that player knowing that I'm not taking that player.
And say what a great summer they had in L.A., training every day.
I know they weren't training at all.
Here's the question.
You might have insider info.
Tell me.
Does Steph Curry have side bitches?
I don't think so.
Just doesn't seem like his jam.
I hear the same.
Not at all.
Because I have never.
Believe me, I talk to other.
Ryan.
I hear the same, bro.
I hear the same, bro.
I thought.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan.
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Ryan.
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Ryan.
Ryan.
Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan..-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-. that shit. I thought he had side bitches. I thought it would make sense for him to,
but from what I've heard.
Why would it make sense for him?
It would make sense because he's at least
handing you his sources.
I don't know.
I'll never give up my sources.
You can never give up your sources.
I'll never give up my sources.
But no, he definitely doesn't have side bitches.
But if I meet a player that thinks he wants
to have side bitches, I don't do the side bitch thing.
So if you're married or in a relationship, I'm not playing with you because i don't want to be involved in any
bad karma okay um but i do tell them to hire somebody to handle their shit you know and
smart athletes will put somebody on the payroll for a good 250 a year and say you get all the
phones you get all the letters that everybody has to sign when they're meeting up you handle
everything make sure they're in a different hotel across the street, not in my hotel. You bring them over. And there are people that do this and do it very, very well.
$250,000 a year.
Yep.
Like who has that?
NBA players.
Really?
All day long.
Gotta.
You gotta pay somebody.
You gotta.
Buy that kind of money.
I'd spend it in a second.
It's called a layer.
You got a nice layer protecting you from that other person.
That's Tiger calling the bitch on his voicemail.
Ruined his career.
Rookie shit.
I agree. Rookie shit. I agree.
Rookie shit.
You never talk to them
on your own.
You always have that other person
talk to them for you.
Interesting.
They are everything.
Always.
And the girls understand
this relationship
and they get it?
Yeah, because they're scared.
They sign NDAs.
They sign all this stuff.
What's funny about it is
Have you ever signed NDA?
I have.
People have made you sign?
Just for meetings
that I've had with people.
What's that bitch
that ruined the NDA, Trump bitch?
Oh, yeah, Stormy.
But the thing really is, like, the NDA is funny to me with a girl
because the girl has nothing to lose.
Like, what's this player going to sue her for?
She ain't got nothing.
She's got an apartment filled with Louboutins.
But yet the girl is so dumb.
She's afraid she's going to be sued.
So she's like, I can't say anything.
You know what I mean? I'm going to take So she's like, I can't say it. I'm like, you know what I mean?
I don't take my red bottles.
Because I don't want nothing.
I mean, a lawsuit is only as good as the money you might get in return, right?
Absolutely.
What are you going to shame this girl for?
Being a hooker?
I guess you want to scare them.
But it works.
It does work.
And they also read which girls it will work for.
So this person that works between the player and the girls really does all the interviews,
all the first engagements to find out how trustworthy.
They go through their phones.
They see who they're interacting with.
They make sure their location services aren't on.
It is intense.
Using their powers for good.
Yes, I see.
Real talk.
Wait a minute.
And you've been in this situation where somebody has done that to you with an athlete?
I've been in this situation where girls has done that to you with an athlete? I've been in this situation where girls have been in this situation with an athlete.
Or an athlete got into this situation with a girl and she kind of wronged them.
And the athlete came to me and said, hey, can you help me out of this situation?
And I always help them out.
I always help them out.
Because I always know more dirt on the person that's trying to hurt somebody than that.
So I'll make sure I dig it.
That's what I wanted to ask.
So a lot of these girls, they probably look up to you on some OG shit, right?
So do you get more trust from the player or do you get more trust from the chicks?
The chicks I want to have more trust for, but I have to say more from the player because
the girls know how, I'll have girls picked up out of parties and just taken somewhere
else.
If somebody calls me and says,
yo, this girl's acting strange
and we're worried about her,
I'll find out who her agent is
and say, yo, your girl's in a situation
I don't think she's safe.
Send a driver right now to pick her up
and she's gone.
She doesn't even know where she was,
but she's gone.
And so I help them.
Is this the future for you, partially?
Can you end up being this liaison?
You're like the Professor X of porn stars.
You could be the one.
You're just gonna sit in the chair stars. You could be the one.
And just fucking put the thing in and it's like, oh, there's somebody over here.
Side chick's out.
There's someone who was in
Toronto. I forgot her name.
What was her name? And she basically
ran all the parties for the NBA players
for years. Oh, I know who you're talking about.
I'm forgetting her name right now. It's a pretty good gig.
She was on the Carter documentary.
The Carter Effect.
I forgot her name,
but I know what you're talking about.
But basically,
but you could essentially be that.
You could be that filter
because these athletes trust you.
They know you've never wronged an athlete.
You've never,
like that bozo with no forehead.
What's that chick's name?
That just constantly outs the athletes
and say that they're trying to holler at her.
Oh my God.
I know who you're talking about.
Not Superman. No, Mia Khalifa. Mia Khalhalifa i shouldn't even set her name what a
fucking bozo she is i agree with you yeah yeah it just sucks and like if someone dms you and
they're harassing you and you blow them up that's one thing but they're just team i mean you'd like
flirt with you like just don't follow them or don't don't accept dms from people you don't
follow like i never got that she just
that's how she cropped herself up i agree it's like if you share my nudes that's illegal right
that's what fucking namor is in trouble for today yo and we'll get to that in a little bit but like
but yeah it is an interesting thing that you could potentially go there and that's crazy
that there are these guys that that's their specific job to act as a buffer between an athlete
and there's a big trust issues.
I mean, look, remember a couple years ago, who was a Knicks player?
Had two girls home from a party, and they robbed him.
Watch his, was it Quincy?
No, it was the dude that went to Wichita State.
I forgot, Cle Anthony Early.
Okay.
That was his name.
And I felt so bad for him.
I thought he was going to be good.
I thought he was going to be nice to me.
But, you know, when I'm listening to my channel all day and I hear hosts saying, you know,
this guy's an idiot.
He shouldn't be doing this.
I come on and I go, listen, you're a guy that's never had two girls offer to go home with
you at one time.
You don't know what that feels like.
You lose all sense of reality.
He does not think that these girls are out to hustle him, have some empathy.
It's a human error.
That's all it is.
We prop players up as if
they're more intelligent than other people they're human beings and a lot of times they're kids and
a lot of times they're kids and so i always feel bad for those situations because i'm like man now
it's on the news now people are shaming you and i'm always the first one to tell hosts and people
i work with like hey let's try and look at this from a different perspective and i'm sorry but i
think the girl is more guilty the guy's just being a guy and two
girls want to come home with them that's their choice to go home yeah there's nothing a lot of
times they're single men when did our world change when Mike Tyson went to jail for that girl that
girl knew what she was doing you go to a guy's hotel room with him what do you think you're
gonna play fucking Scrabble and And that changed the game in strip clubs.
First of all, Mike Tyson cannot play Scrabble.
That's how you should have known that wasn't going to happen.
That's how you know it wasn't going to happen.
Connect four, maybe.
But Scrabble, no.
Maybe checkers.
How many S's do you have?
After that incident, we saw the athletes coming into clubs drop in half.
In half.
Wait a minute.
Talk to me on this.
So you say
the Me Too movement
started with Tyson?
Well, I mean
What has become
the Me Too movement?
I guess so.
But like, look,
I think if he would have been
in a different court
in a different situation
with a different judge
this might not have been
his outcome.
I mean, you are a willing
participant.
She wasn't drugged.
She wasn't drunk.
She was a willing participant
on video in an elevator.
To me, that's a call as a woman.
I've never been in that situation because I would never go to a hotel room if I wasn't
planning on throwing down with the guy.
What's the point?
So that changed the game.
And that really, that was when I was on the road and athletes used to come in.
They would bring duffel bags of money to get your attention.
They would just throw blocks of bundled fives up on the stage, thousands of money to get your attention they would just throw blocks of bundled
fives up on the stage thousands of dollars to get your attention and after that that all stopped
because they didn't want to be seen in the clubs and that's when clubs started making backdoor
entrances and little vip areas where the celebrities could come in and not be in a situation like that
it changed the game i knew it was going to change the game when it happened i didn't want him to go
to jail for that for that reason plus i didn't really think that it was well
thought out that he went to jail for something like that um this girl had a choice she made it
and that was a risk that she took i'm not saying date rape doesn't happen and i'm saying anything
against that but as a woman you have to be responsible example i will never meet an agent
in a hotel room and every agent that hit me when I first
got to LA would like try and set up meetings and I would say the same thing I will only meet you
during the day at an office with other people present during the week yeah right we're in a
public place I need people around witnesses right and so they would turn me down for these meetings
and I finally landed an agent out here in New York because he loved my response he loved that
I wrote back
only at your office during the day when other people are present when it's light out like
did you learn that lesson the hard way did you I just thought it was common sense okay so you
knew going into it yeah I just as a woman also had to grow up quicker though 16 on your own
also I will tell you this my dad was a pretty aggressive educator so he pretty much told me
anything that I did in the dark by myself alone,
I'd be raped.
Like every conversation from eight years old on was like,
if you let your gas run out, you're going to be raped.
If you get gas at night, you're going to be raped.
If you go to the grocery store at night, you're going to be raped.
If you meet someone at a hotel.
Honestly, it seems to work.
That sounds like good parents in the room.
It seems to work.
Oh, it fucking worked.
I still don't get gas at night.
I still don't get gas at night. Okay?
I still don't get gas at night.
Okay?
Ever.
My gas tank has still never gone below a quarter of a tank because I lived in Pennsylvania by the turnpike and he would tell me, if you let it go below a quarter of a tank, you're
going to run out.
Guess what's going to happen?
You're going to get raped.
Did you spend time in India?
But you know what?
That shock education.
Yeah, it works.
It really worked.
But it's also common sense.
As a woman, we do have to.
Everyone says we're equal.
We're not equal.
Don't be stupid.
Don't put yourself in a situation where you might have to fight your way out of a room.
One to self-responsibility.
Because obviously a dude's stronger than you.
So if you stay in a place, you can always get out and there's other people around.
You're fine.
Does that ever happen?
You ever have a guy act a little crazy?
And that's why I'm afraid.
That's the other thing with the prostitutes.
I'm like, how are these girls never afraid?
This guy just isn't going to pay him.
It's going to beat him up or whatever.
Like to me, it's just so much risk.
So no, never even in like one of the champagne rooms, a guy was acting a little crazy.
I don't do that kind of stuff.
I usually act like George Seinfeld and act like I'm busy.
So I don't have to.
When I started dancing, there were no lap dances.
It wasn't even legal yet.
We got paid $25 an hour
just to be at the club.
Was this during Prohibition?
This was in the 90s.
Late 80s, early 90s.
You're telling me
there was no lap dances
in the 90s?
Not for a long time.
This was before our time.
There was no interaction.
In the Northeast,
you weren't even allowed
on the outside of the bar.
You would dance,
like if you go in clubs
in Philly,
they're inside the bar.
That's what I thought too.
The first time I went to a strip club, I was so scared to touch them because every time I watched on TV, it's like, oh, you can't touch side of the bar you would dance like if you go in clubs in philly they're inside the bar so the
first time i went to a strip club i was so scared to touch them because every time i watched on tv
it's like oh you can't touch the women or it's like some big fucking security guards right and
like now you walk by and see a hand job happening exactly i was like whoa i didn't know when this
happened how do you get laid as close i see it all the time what do you think the best way is
it makes me so germ conscious because i know everything that's going on in there.
And I really just want to burn everything when I leave my shoes, my everything.
I'm up on the hand sanitizer wipes, not touching people.
This is all I'm going to think about after you get caught.
I'm going to think about two seconds later and be like, get it off of me.
Get it off of me.
Chernobyl.
Chernobyl. Chernobyl.
Oh, my God.
You see so much.
But it was different.
So we stayed on the inside of the bar and weren't allowed to have any contact.
And the guys just had to hand us our money.
That's stupid.
OK.
But how do you get laid in the strip club?
What advice do you have for guys who want to get laid in the strip club?
Well, I don't think I should be giving this advice.
But if I did. This information is worth thousands of dollars.
First and foremost...
This information is worth thousands of singles.
You need to be selective.
You need to be selective on your girls.
So you need to pick a girl that would be like
one of the girls in the scenes that you like.
A little bit
unsure, a little amateur, a little janky.
Maybe she's a little... unsure a little amateur a little janky maybe she's little
had a couple drinks okay guys normally wear sweatpants or they take their belt off like
you'll see a guy getting ready for a lap dance he's got to take his belt off because he's like
committed to the fact that hopefully something happens that's a that's a trick because if the
guy takes his belt off and the girl doesn't complain that's usually when the guy knows
okay maybe i can go one step further and unbutton my pants i watch this stuff happen in the videos so i love it and i marry it so then
you know you just kind of take it from there i advise you bring a condom because a lot of times
girls don't have them something i've noticed in those videos um but it's not legal and if you get
busted most of the time the guy is not going to get as much trouble as he thinks because the club
is more worried about losing their liquor license. So they're more worried about firing the girl
because she's actually their responsibility and just
getting the guy out of there.
So you have nothing to lose.
As a guy, you have nothing to lose.
Just whip it out.
And lick her face when she leans in
as well.
We're sweating some fucked up information.
Stop it.
Do not lick her face.
But you have to make the move. know, guys. Do not do that. Do not just whip it up. Do not lick her face. Stop it.
Do not lick her face.
But you have to make the move.
She's not going to make the move.
You have to be like-
I'm sure there's girls in shadier clubs that just walk around and talk about it, right?
Yeah.
You go to some of those clubs.
Girls hate me in strip clubs.
I've been to certain clubs where they literally give me a price.
They have nothing to do with me in strip clubs.
Because you look civilized.
They know that I get laid.
They're going for the broken dude in sweatpants.
I would do the same thing.
They live in his mom's basement, and they're like, this guy has expendablepants. I would do the same thing. That lives in his mom's basement.
And they're like, this guy has expendable income.
It's a job.
I know he does.
It's a job.
Right.
You know what I mean?
If you're someone who doesn't drink alcohol, the bartender is not going to pay you a lot
of attention.
Right.
Right?
So it's like you need someone who's a lush, someone who's drunk.
Right.
I completely understand it.
But it is a little annoying.
You're out with the boys.
You're like, do I have to hit on you?
What's the whole point of being here?
It's a tricky one.
I could go hit on girls and get outside of this.
I would suggest sitting in an area where you can watch the dudes walking out from the lap dance area
and see what dudes look the most satisfied and then see what girls they're with and then try and get that girl.
Oh, you got this one.
This is real.
Lock down.
So the guys end the show.
The more you know.
End the show.
Overjoyed.
That's great. So if you see the guys walking out, they're like, oh, endless. The more you know. Endless. You're overjoyed. That's great.
So if you see the guys walking out, they're like, oh.
Yes.
And if you see the guys walking out real tense, don't go near those girls at all.
The relaxed dudes, you see what that girl is.
Yep.
And then you take the belt off.
So that's the move.
That's the move.
It's take the belt off in front of her.
Taking the belt off.
And she's like, it's going down.
Yep.
Now, dude.
Because if a guy takes a belt off walking by me, I'm like, you better watch out.
It's all strangling with that thing.
You'll be left there lifeless. Really? Jesus. Yeah, yeah. I don't play. It's not a petting zoo. It's a guy takes a belt off walking by me, I'm like, you better watch out. It's all strangling with that thing. You'll be left there lifeless.
Really?
Yeah, yeah.
I don't play.
It's not a petting zoo.
It's a no contact sport when I'm dancing.
I don't let anyone touch me.
Really?
Okay.
That's part of the allure.
It's supposed to be something you can't have.
Here's a question.
Who's the most pathetic?
I'm sticking cake in front of my face and not eating it.
I'm not paying for this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Some people do go for the entertainment though.
You sniff it and then you get out
and that's a hundred dollars
no
so here's a question
who's the most
pathetic dude
that you've slept with
like did you ever
like fuck a guy
cause you're like
oh my god
this guy needs it
I don't think I've had sex
with anyone that's pathetic
never once
did you do it as a favor
you never favor fucked anybody
you have all this power
as a woman
no pity pussy
like that one time
you give it to him like it would make their. Can't I just give him a photo?
Or make a
hello video for his friends?
That was a photo now.
It's not my jam.
You never want to feel that
sort of world-changing power
that you could transform
this nerd's life.
Give him a story that would change.
We might hang out and I'd let his friends believe
that we hooked up, but we're not hooking up.
You know what I mean?
If you really want to change Flint.
So never once wanted to do that.
Never once.
Never felt too bad for a guy.
You guys get to pee wherever you want.
You stand up.
You don't have to sit on this one.
I'm not saying that.
So many benefits.
You get to beat up people.
If I was a dude, I'd have been in jail
10 times already at least.
For sure. You know how Bill Murray goes
around and eats a french fry out of somebody's
little side of fries?
And then he whispers in his ears like,
no one will ever believe you.
He does that in real life?
Have you ever seen a documentary on Netflix?
There's a documentary where he just
goes around and all these people
have like these weird
like folk tales
about Bill Murray
just showing up
at people's parties
or showing up at events.
Bill Murray will show up
to a wedding, right?
And he'll just be
in the wedding party.
He'll enjoy the whole wedding,
take shots with her,
drink with everybody
and it's like,
hey, Bill Murray's here.
It's like,
have you never felt that way
about, you know, dick?
No, sorry.
Never once.
Still kind of personal to me.
Like nobody would believe you. Imagine you just blew some random kind of personal to me. Like, nobody would believe you.
Imagine you just blew some random guy.
I would not do it.
Nobody would believe you.
No, never.
Why would I do that?
I got street cred to protect too, yo.
For the story.
You know what I'm saying?
That is mythical.
That's a mythical blowjob.
It's mythical.
No one will believe it.
There's a legend of Lisa Andrews.
She's got a phone.
We've all seen it.
It's like when Chappelle did stand up
and wouldn't allow phones and did five hours and then just left.
That's when it was all you had to be there type of thing.
Real talk.
How about this?
Area 51.
If your girl ever breaks up with you, then we'll make this happen.
That's on the record, motherfucker.
I'm not going to lie, Lisa.
I don't know if you can handle it.
I don't know if you can handle it, man.
Real talk. Hey, hey. I don't know if you can handle it. I don't know if you can handle it, man. Real talk.
I don't know if you can handle it.
This kid's not playing around, though.
Hey, Lisa.
Lisa, this guy's not playing around.
He started to a cherry, though.
He's so unsure about how he feels.
He is going to be with you guys editing this.
Check this out.
We're not editing.
We're just sitting here in this awkwardness. This is not editing. We're just sitting here in this awkwardness.
This is the show.
We're just sitting here in this awkwardness.
Your girl will not come out and try and kill me, right?
Can't promise that.
She's a silly girl, too.
She's almost killed Andrew.
Really?
She almost killed Andrew.
I told you he's got a beautiful dick.
What am I supposed to do?
Oh, God.
This is funny.
But obviously, yes.
I have a question.
One of my favorite categories is deep throat.
It's inside the actor's studio.
So one of my favorite artists.
You know how she said she gets creeped out and she gets on her phone?
Look where she at right now.
Look where she at right now look where she at right now
I have a question Lisa
Heather Brooke
I don't know her
really
no
oh man
she's like
legendary with her
three deep throat abilities
do you like it when they
gag and like stuff comes up
cause it freaks me out
no no no
she doesn't
she doesn't gag at all
cause all that saliva
really freaks me out on set
like when girls
you know the saliva thing
that's like really popular
right now
a lot of girls like
oh that gives me the willies not with her that's really popular right now? A lot of girls are like,
that gives me the willies.
Not with her.
She doesn't even have any of those.
Yes, it's so funny.
I'm not into it.
It's so germy.
I'm not into it. Wait, hold on.
Let's back up here.
You're not into saliva-induced blowjob?
Well, it's just a lot of girls now do it.
I directed a girl a couple years ago,
and no one told me ahead of time that she did this.
It was like my people were playing a joke on me
because they knew I'd throw up.
And so I'm directing this scene, like,
I had her makeup done, her hair done really nicely.
Two minutes into the scene,
she's got, like, a loogie of her own on her face.
Her lashes are coming down.
I'm like, I can't watch this.
It gives me the willies.
I was about to say, like, what else creeps you out?
Because, like, I feel like you've seen
A lot of shit
I don't wanna jump off of this though
Let's
More about this
We'll come back to that
Yeah yeah yeah
But we're gonna go back
To all the things
So this girl had so much saliva
It was all over her face
Now
Is it kinda like in baseball
When like they keep a little
The shoe polish
On the elbows
So they can hold the ball differently
Is that what she was doing
No it's cause she made a loogie
And it landed somewhere
I didn't mean to
Like she'll go to do one And then it'll land on the guy's leg and it'll
just sit there and you'll watch it for a couple of minutes while he's moving.
And it's just like going down his leg.
And I'm like, no, I can't.
But there are girls that give dry blowjobs and that is awful.
Of course.
Why would you do that?
How do we balance?
How do you balance?
I say you balance with a, there's a very, it's like a sexy way to do it.
You know, you could still have, but you just don't need.
How do you tell a girl to give a more wet blowjob?
Well, you don't hire a girl that gives a dry blowjob.
I'm not hiring her.
I'm saying in life, how do I go?
How does she give a dry blowjob?
Does she have any saliva in her mouth?
She's been bringing this up for multiple episodes.
Does she have cotton mouth?
Do you have a bad experience you want to share with us?
I'm the perfect person to talk to about this.
Talk about it.
Go for it.
We're here now. I'm saying things like to talk to about this. Talk about it. Go for it. Talk about it.
We're here now.
I'm saying things like, hey, let's make it a little wet.
You know what I mean? Let's make it a little wet spit.
And then she'll kind of spit on it, but it will be like, patooey.
It won't be like a real, I want that vitamin C spit.
You need to keep lemon water by, you need citrus, and you need to keep it on hand by you all.
You know what I mean?
You need to do that so lemon
like you're talking about
like that vitamin C
like when you feel sick
a regular lemon in water
oh okay
yeah yeah
I put the lemon in the water
and then she drinks that
yeah you just sit it near her
so when she needs more
you can just hand it to her
oh so it's a water
she needs to be drinking it more
but water saliva isn't good
it's the one that's back there
the back of the
I think you don't have her
blow you anymore
you want that rose of pork saliva stop it real talk real talk what'd she just say First Alive isn't good. It's the one that's back there. The back of the... I think you don't have her blow you anymore. He went there.
Rosa Parks is alive.
Stop it.
You're real talk.
I need back of the throat.
Real talk.
What'd she just say?
Repeat that.
What'd she just say?
Lemon water.
No, no, no.
Lemon water.
Lemon water.
Oh, I told him.
Lemon water's stupid.
Yo, you're stupid, bro.
This guy's stupid.
Yo, you're so dumb.
Yo, you're so dumb.
If you want to do it, we can do it.
Please, Alex.
Please.
No, no.
We're here now.
We're here now. We're here now.
We're here now.
What?
I told him no.
Y'all pushing me.
Y'all pushing me.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out. Yeah, what else freaks you out? I'm not real. Lemon water. I'm not real. That's the name of the episode, lemon water.
With the double penetration stuff where it's like two dicks in the ass, two dicks.
Because the cocks are like rubbing with each other.
That shit is so weird.
It makes me unsure and it makes me ask a lot of questions that I can't get in the moment.
So like, you know, when something distracts you, you're like, well, why?
Like, how does the guy feel about that?
When you start doing that, you're like, porn's over.
Any type of sword crossing is just.
Bro, they're next to each other
they're in the same bus
it's more dude than China
it's way more dude than China
she's super gay
and they're so close
to each other to do it
because I've watched it live
of course I was curious
I showed up when somebody
was shooting
I'm like I gotta see
how this goes down
how do the guys angle
all four legs
and everything right in there
and how does it work
and somehow it works
but it is a lot of close contact
no it doesn't work
that shit is gross
so that's something
that's not for me
that's something where's not for me.
That's something where I'm like, no, pass.
Yeah, that shit is so gross.
That's a good line.
Pass?
That's a good line.
Yeah.
Two dicks at once. Oh, no.
That's a good line.
That's a good line not to cross.
Yeah.
That's a good line.
The line I don't cross is pregnancy.
I don't do the pregnancy porn.
Yeah, me neither.
I thought you were just saying, like, I'm making girls get abortions.
You don't ever want kids.
No, no, no. I'd like kids but the pregnancy porn
where the women are showing
that's fucked up
and the size of porn dicks
I understand this too
we use a fisheye lens which makes everything look bigger
so it's making the girl's ass look bigger
her boobs look bigger and his dick look bigger
so you are being
so we're looking at dicks through a peephole on porn yes so those dicks really are a lot taller on TV and
also everyone thinks my boobs are a lot bigger my ass is a lot bigger everybody
thinks like I'm so much bigger although there was a time I was bigger even then
people would be like oh my god you're so much smaller in real life like it's
fisheye lens because when you look at the photos you hate them because your
boobs look bigger than your head.
And you're like, ew, but the guys love it.
Guys love it.
They love what? The big boob,
the big ass, so that's why they use that camera. It does make the guy look bigger.
And the guys lit a certain way.
Most of the guys are super lean, like you. Makes a nice
small backdrop. Makes it look even bigger.
It's all an optical illusion.
It's all an optical illusion it's all an optical illusion
young dick
are there any like
porn stars
that you watch now
that are like
oh she could be like
the next me
she's got the
she's got the juice
I don't know
cause I only watch
foreign porn
when I do watch porn
and so I don't really
know any of them
you're not a fan of nobody
no because it's one of those
things where I'll know
who shot it
I'll be critiquing I'll see a cable and it'll drive me nuts and I'll be like know any of that. You're not a fan of nobody. No, because it's one of those things where I'll know who shot it. I'll be critiquing.
I'll see a cable and it'll drive me nuts.
And I'll be like, oh my gosh, that editor sucks.
Can you meet a girl and know?
The makeup artist.
Can you meet a girl and know?
You got what it takes.
I can by having conversation with her.
And I need to know like what's her story?
What's her family life?
Does she think she's going to get away with this?
Nobody's going to find out.
I like to find that honesty in it because a lot of people just want to do it for the money.
And it's like getting a tattoo on your face it's not going anywhere
what so being a porn star yeah so it's kind of like you can only be a star if you're willing
to embrace it and you're willing to go out there walk down the street and know that half the dudes
are going to walk up and be like i just jerked off to you yesterday that's normal that's every
day people walk by me on a flight and say that while other people are sitting there these dudes
i think that's like a just a normal thing to say to somebody?
Young white dudes.
I was about to say, it seems like a very frat boy thing to say.
It's a very frat boy thing to say.
I don't know if I would share that information.
Yeah, it seems like a lot.
If Tiana Trump walked in right now, I'd definitely be like,
yes, I jerked off to you like a week ago.
That's the one from the saliva?
Yes.
That was too much for me.
That was black.
That was too much for me.
Do you play any fantasy sports?
I don't.
Do you?
I'd play.
Gosh.
Can we get fantasy football league anybody?
If we have a fantasy sponsor this year,
then I will lie and say that I play fantasy sports.
And then I'll help you.
No, if they're willing to pay, I'll play.
If we got a sponsor, I'll play.
See?
You sound like a prostitute.
Yeah.
He's ready to sell out. Commerce is great. Did you get through your notes? I don't want. I'll play. See? You sound like a prostitute. Yeah. I think prostitutes are great.
Commerce is great.
Did you get through your notes?
I don't want to cut you short.
No, no, no.
We're going to continue after you go.
But thank you so much for being here.
Thank you so much.
Plug whatever you need to plug.
You can follow me at TheRealLisaAnne.
Don't need any more dick pics.
I've seen enough of those.
Thank you so much for having me.
That was one of the most jokes that I remember.
Yes.
Brian Redband said this.
He was Lisa Anne.
Lisa Anne is spelled. Anne is spelled A Lisa Ann Lisa Ann is spelled
Ann is spelled A
No, Ann is spelled with two N's
Something, what is it?
It's like there are two N's in her
Oh yeah, something like there's two N's in her
I fucked it up
Something about there's two N's in her
Just like her porns
Yeah, yeah, I get it
That's not me!
Brian's joke, I thought it was funny Should we get a picture? Yeah, yeah, I get it. I get it. That's not me! Ryan's joke!
I thought it was funny!
Should we get a picture before we end?
Let's pause this real quick.
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Now let's get back to the show
What an amazing
What an amazing weekend of sports guys
We have a lot to talk about
I think we should start talking about
One of the greatest
Heavyweight upsets
In the history of boxing
Anthony Joshua Gets knocked out by andy ruiz
i watched the replay read some commentary and it seemed like once he took that punch to the temple
that was it that him up now you know more than me so i'm i'm assuming there's more going on but
it just seemed to me like after that he wasn't right yeah yeah he, yeah. He didn't recover. Yeah. Yeah. I mean,
to be fair to Andrew Ruiz, he also got knocked
down. Yeah, I was about to say. He took a couple
knockdowns. So if you guys haven't seen the fight,
just watch the third round. You can watch it on YouTube.
It's one of the best rounds in boxing history.
It's really unbelievable. So this guy, Andy
Ruiz, has built like Wreck-It Ralph. He's
fucking six feet tall, barely. They said he looks like
the guy from Up. Yeah.
Brandon Schaub said he looks like the guy from Up, all grown up.
The kid, all grown up.
Yeah, his body looks like French toast.
You know how French toast has that little ridge at the top?
That's what his breasts do.
French toast Ruiz.
French toast Ruiz.
Can we make a rule?
We should be allowed to body shame a guy if you're the heavyweight champion.
We should be allowed to body shame a guy if you're the heavyweight champion. We should be allowed to.
I love how everybody just totally made fun of the way this guy looks,
even though he's the fucking new heavyweight champion of the world.
And let's be honest, none of us would say it to his face.
No, exactly.
Andy Ruiz, third round.
Looks like grown-up Eddyn.
It is kind of Bill.
So he's probably given up six inches to Joshua
Joshua is this Adonis
I mean he looks like a Greek statue
Amazing physique
And in the third round
Anthony Joshua catches Ruiz
With a straight right I believe
And then throws a combo
They exchange
Joshua lands a hook
And it sits Ruiz down
Yeah He's rattled Never been down hook, and it sits Ruiz down.
Yeah.
He's rattled, never been down before in his whole career, Ruiz, that is.
Gets back up, and Joshua goes in for the finish, lands another straight right.
Mm-hmm.
And after that, Ruiz exchanges with him.
I don't know how the fuck he's exchanging with him.
He was just knocked down. He probably doesn't even have his legs back yet.
And catches Anthony Joshua with that punch that you were saying i think he also took to the
temple yeah i think it was like a right over the top there was a couple punches that were exchanged
and joshua just could not recover so i saw it in i saw two punches the first i see doesn't knock
him down but he like you see him stagger and i was i'm pretty sure i left either punch knock
him down so he like it was he just got hurt'm pretty sure I left him. Neither punch knocked him down.
So he just got hurt, and then he just kind of went down.
And then another big punch.
But nothing knocked him down, right?
So he went hurt, and then Ruiz kind of laid on him, and then he laid down, right?
He just kind of tapped out, to be honest with you.
He kind of quit.
He quit in the corner, right?
Well, then in the seventh round, he gets knocked down again.
Actually, at the end of the third round, he gets knocked down again, almost gets knocked out of the ring, gets saved by the bell.
And then the seventh round, he gets knocked down again, and then he just quits in his corner.
And he doesn't really quit because technically the referee stopped the fight, but he didn't really give any pushback with him stopping the fight.
I mean, he was up.
back with him stopping the fight. I mean, he was up.
This is a championship fight in Madison Square Garden in front
of the American fan base that he's out
here trying to win over so that he can
completely cross over to the mainstream.
And he just fucking quits, man.
Like, he just quits. I mean, there's a
moment in that seventh round where Ruiz
and Joshua both exchange hooks.
Right? It's the series where you trade
hooks. They both trade hooks. They both
land.
Yeah.
And the man with the bigger heart is the one who ends up winning the fight.
They both land.
Literally and figuratively.
That's right.
He doesn't have the biggest heart.
Literally, right?
So it's like, it was just amazing to see this fucking kid, Andy Ruiz, man.
Like, I'm just such a massive fan of Mexican boxers, dude.
Yeah.
Like, I just love Mexican culture in general. Because they're fucking reckless, bro. They don't give a fuck. It's not only reckless, but they don't give a fuck. I just love... Mexican culture in general.
They don't give a fuck.
It's not only reckless, but they don't give a fuck.
In general, I just fucking love Mexican culture.
I just love this fighting spirit
that Mexicans have.
Azteca.
Yeah, the Aztec, I guess.
You told me about this years ago.
Right, right.
There's just something about it
that I just love.
And I just love the bravery of it. I love the passion. I love how they fight.
They fight forward, right? It's Mexican-style fighting.
You go straight in, you're going to throw these punches, and you know what?
You're going to take a punch to give two.
And that's exactly what Ruiz was in there doing.
And he got up off the canvas, and even in the post-game interviews, post-fight interviews,
you could hear him saying, like, I got off the canvas, I proved I was a warrior.
Like, that's what he's saying, right?
Because he understands
how valuable that is
to his culture.
And as much as I'm a huge
Floyd Mayweather stan
because I love boxing
and the sweet science that it is,
the animal instinct inside of me
has so much respect
for a guy like Ruiz
who is undergunned,
undermanned.
This is David versus Goliath.
I mean...
What was it,
a 1,200-point underdog
or some shit?
I don't even know what the fuck it was. But you would never put money on Ruiz, right? And the reality is is he went in there undermanned this is David vs. Goliath I mean what was it a 1200 point underdog or some shit some ridiculous number
you would never put money
on Ruiz right
and the reality is
he went in there
and he took on a challenge
and he took it on
without being pussy
like I'm talking about
he was exchanging
blow for blow
it was less than a month
one of the hardest punchers
in the fucking game
right
yes he came in less than a month
because he had a fight prior
so he was in shape
it wasn't that he was in a shape he had just fought like a little over a month ago but
to see a guy like that that's so funny that's him in shape yeah oh absolutely yeah and he's just
then like i saw videos of him like going viral like doing like the fucking the step ladder just
like breezing through that here's the thing the guy is an amazing athlete right he just doesn't
look like one yeah but he is an amazing athlete. His ability, his hand speed, his body movement, his foot speed.
If you really look at him, he looks like shit.
But as a fighter, he's phenomenal.
And a hard puncher.
But his movement is exceptional.
If you watch him, even the way he measures distance, he knows he's fighting a bigger man.
So distance to him is everything.
Yeah, just even looking at him, I can tell his reach is a little there's nothing yeah i have longer reach than him yeah you have longer reach
so he has to use his feet for his reach right he has to step into the danger zone every time
he throws a punch he got gucci socks on so shout out to him he's killing it right so but like in
the spirit of mexican boxing i can't even explain How important this is Culturally
That they have a heavyweight champion
He's the first Mexican heavyweight champion
In history
But Mexicans prop up boxing
If there's no Mexicans
Boxing doesn't exist anymore
That was my thing right
There's no Mexicans
Boxing is no longer a sport
Keep that in mind
Yeah
Okay
And this is how amazing fans
They are of the sport
All you have to do
Is show them
That you fight
In the same style as them
And then they adopt you
So Manny Pacquiao
Took out Mexican
Boxing icons
I mean ended their careers
And he did it in a style
That was so pleasing to the Mexican fans
That the Mexican fans started saying
Alright fuck it we love him
They will take you,
Triple G,
Gennady Golovkin, right?
Has said in his own
marketing of himself,
he's like,
I fight Mexican style,
I just go forward
and I fight,
and you know what?
The Mexican fans love,
even though he's fighting Canelo,
there are Mexican fans
that love him.
So there's something
so beautiful
about their boxing culture
and just Mexican culture
in general
to see them get
a heavyweight champ.
People don't even realize
what this means.
It's like, imagine your country loves soccer.
It's like Barack.
And they never, no, no.
Barack, think about it.
Black people don't care about politicians.
Yeah.
Do you know what I'm saying?
I wouldn't say all that, but I see what you're getting.
It's not a cultural identity for y'all to care about because it's new that you even
have that representation.
I think the closest thing we can compare it to is if the Knicks won the NBA finals.
Imagine they had never won a finals.
Yeah.
But we have other sports we care about in New York.
We have the Yankees.
We're spoiled with other shit, right?
Imagine a country that loved soccer but never had – think about what countries happen when countries get into the World Cup for the first time.
Not even win it.
They get in and the people are crying you know what i mean so a country that is propped up boxing
for all these years right now has an historic champions but never had a heavyweight champion
because they just don't make them that big yeah right you needed one to be like born and bred in
america to get to the heavyweight level right you need You need some GMOs You need some GMOs, right? You need some Monsanto, right?
Yeah
And then they get to the heavyweight championship fight
And then win four of the fucking belts
We're not talking about some fringe belt
Joshua owns all the belts
The legit ones
Outside of the one that Wilder has
Right?
So to take all those
I mean,
you're talking about a transformative event
in boxing history.
Like,
I'm so pissed off
that we don't get to see
like the celebrations.
This guy's going to be
the biggest boxer in Mexico.
Like,
he's going to be,
the next fight,
if they're smart,
is going to take place
in the Aztec Stadium
in Mexico.
I believe it's Mexico City.
Like,
it's going to be unreal.
You can't even imagine what's going to happen.
As big a star as these 135 pounders were,
having a Mexican heavyweight champion,
I can't even begin to explain how big a deal this is culturally
to dominate the heavyweight division.
And it's not lucky.
If they fight again, he's knockingua out in less rounds joshua sucks this is what i've been
trying to tell people he sucks he beat klitschko he looks the part that's the thing he is a
corporate fighter he is the perfect example no no no i'm saying i'm saying he looks like he looks
like apollo creed speaks like apollo creed doesn't fight like Apollo Creed. Apollo died in the ring. I'll tell you what he is.
He's Ronda Rousey.
So here's the thing.
Ronda Rousey was a WWE fighter that was in MMA.
Right.
Completely curated and built up.
She's fighting against girls that were working at Home Depot, still had regular jobs.
The first time she fights a real girl, Holly Holm, who was a boxing champion, a kickboxing champion, she gets washed.
Same thing happened
with Anthony Joshua. He had one big victory against
Klitschko. Klitschko's 40 years old,
he's over the hill, found him right at the right time,
fought a brave fight, and then hit him. Klitschko was
also never... I don't want to take
anything away from Klitschko. But, that being said,
Joshua's size mitigated a lot
of the advantages that Klitschko had over his opponents.
Right? Okay. Joshua... That was a good fight, and that Klitschko had over his opponents. Right?
Joshua.
That was a good style for Joshua.
Great.
Because now Klitschko couldn't keep him at bay with a jab because here's another guy who's just the same size.
Yeah.
Right?
So when Ruiz goes up against Joshua, Ruiz is a pure boxer.
I mean, pure.
Can slug. But if you look at the way he jabs the way he throws punches the way he
slips smart he reminds me of james tony james tony had a similar build he was this fat pudgy guy but
he could stay right in the danger zone and be effective and when you i mean like when you see
him expose joshua had nothing to do joshua's out there with these muscles you know what muscles
require oxygen that shit gets that shit weighs on you, fam. These big workout dudes,
they got no stamina. You never seen them run a marathon?
They literally tire out.
So here he is doing his abs and doing his
back muscles and making sure his quads look good.
That's not good for boxing. You know who's really powerful?
Sugar Ray Robinson.
Sugar Ray Leonard. Skinny, long guys.
Mike Tyson is a freak.
Mike Tyson, one of the most
freakish athletes in the world because of how big he was and his ability to go long distance.
And he was packed into a small amount of mass.
That is rare.
Usually you have Muhammad Ali.
Elegance.
Beauty.
Skinny.
Muhammad Ali never weighed more than 212 pounds, I think, in a title fight.
Length.
You see the way he moved his feet.
You know what I mean?
Joshua's not moving his feet like Muhammad Ali.
Boxing is all about fluidity. It's all about fluid mean? Joshua's not moving his feet like Mama Ali. Boxing's a lot about fluidity.
It's a lot about fluidity.
It's not about just looking like a big fucking monster.
You've got to be able to.
Bernard Hopkins was another.
Bernard Hopkins.
Skinny.
If you even look at Oscar De La Hoya.
Skinny.
Floyd Mayweather.
Skinny length.
Really, the way that if you look at the hard-hitting elite puncher,
there was a guy named Kelly Pavlik, right?
The guy looked like a factory.
You probably watched a Pavlik fight at my house.
Just some white guy from Ohio.
Didn't have a single bit of muscular definition as a whole body.
Tall, skinny, long legs, long arms, white boy.
Could fucking crack.
Right.
This guy right here, underneath all that, is a true boxer.
Now, I'm a casual boxing fan,
right?
So,
I haven't,
I can't remember the last time
a heavyweight boxing
has been this lit
since like,
I was a kid.
Since like,
Mike Tyson,
Lewis,
Holyfield,
that type of shit.
the last heavyweight fight
I remember
people generally caring about.
Yeah,
everything I read about this week
is like,
oh my god,
the Wilder-Joshua fight,
it's over, it's done. I'm like, no, we my god, the Wilder Joshua fight, it's over.
I'm like, no.
We can still get the Wilder Joshua fight.
We got a new fucking superstar.
Guys.
There's still Tyson Fury out there.
Let me tell you something.
Let me tell you something.
First of all, Anthony Joshua, what's going to happen to him in his career, if they're smart, they do not let him fight Ruiz again.
Oh, no.
Okay.
First of all, we'll talk about what's happening with boxing right now.
You can tell I'm so excited.
Yeah, you can't sit still.
Boxing is the, like, so boxing's popularity is dependent on heavyweights, right?
Because heavyweights are where the casuals are at, right?
It's no different than like the World Cup, right?
World Cup, everybody who likes soccer a little all of a sudden starts to watch, but nobody really gives a fuck when it's not World Cup unless you're like a diehard soccer fan, right?
So if the heavyweights are popular
in boxing that trickles
down to all these other
little fights right when
the heavyweights aren't
popular you just got the
diehards like me right
the Filipino fans like
they bring in the casual
thing like right now with
the playoffs one of the
best playoffs I can
remember in recent
history is down that's
all that's all the
complex story I remember
everybody was like oh
my god how could you
say this the best
playoffs ever LeBron
the ratings are down.
I'm like, yeah, because LeBron James is in it.
Exactly.
Everybody in the fucking world knows who LeBron James is.
So that's why the ratings are down.
LeBron James is the heavyweight, right?
So imagine the Warriors weren't in it.
Imagine LeBron and the Warriors weren't in it.
Yeah.
It didn't matter how good the playoffs would be.
People just wouldn't watch.
It kind of was.
So not only do you have two American heavyweight champions, right?
Because he's also American, right?
Andy Ruiz, he was born in California.
But one of them is Mexican-American.
And fights like a Mexican.
And fights in that Mexican style.
Yeah.
Straightforward.
And then the other is maybe one of the most dangerous punchers.
No, absolutely one of the most dangerous punchers in the history of humanity.
You have a devastating knockout
puncher
as one heavyweight champ, and then a Mexican
as the other?
It don't get no better!
Think about the biggest Floyd Mayweather fights in history.
What were they?
Against Mexicans or Pacquiao.
And Filipinos are just Mexicans in Asia?
It's the same exact shit?
And I say that joking, but I also say it dead serious because in terms of their fans.
I felt like fan interest.
Yeah, I get what you're saying.
And the type of fights they love and the type of fighters they love, right?
It's like you're going to have right now this amazing boxing renaissance if it's up to me.
And I really hope Andy Reid has good management. I don't know who his manager is. I should have looked that up before the thing, and I really hope Andy Reeves has good management. I don't know who his manager is, and I should
have looked that up before the thing, but I really hope that he's
a good manager. He's got the same promoter
as Wilder, I'm pretty sure. Okay, so
maybe Heyman? Heyman, I think, is what I saw.
Then we're fine. Al Heyman's the best in the business.
I think it's what I saw. If he is, we're fine, because
what you need to be very
sure to do is curate
this right. There are guys that can beat him.
He lost to Joseph Parker, another slick boxer from, I think, either New Zealand or Australia.
Right?
But it was a close fight.
But there are guys who can beat him, and there are the smaller guys who are slick like him,
and then it becomes a battle of ability.
It's a chess match.
It's a chess match.
But tell me that it wouldn't be absolutely fascinating to watch this this little fat guy go up against
wilder go up against fury fury is even taller you had this tiny little guy go up against this
massive dude it's literally david versus goliath from what you've told me it really looks like
super mike tyson's punch out like all the characters and like exactly what it looks like
and that's the last time i was that in the during Tyson's Bunch Out with all those guys.
It is.
I mean, but he has the perfect style for it.
So what I would do is, if I'm any Joshua's promoter and I know anything about boxing, which is Eddie Hearn, I know that there's no chance that he beats this kid.
Because he hit him with the hardest punch that Joshua has.
And he took it and then knocked him down twice right afterwards.
That says something.
Yeah.
He can take your best shot.
The thing about this Ruiz kid, if you notice, remember when you saw that punch that landed
and then sat him down?
He hit him with a combo.
Joshua landed the straight right perfect, didn't sit him down.
You needed three.
Right.
You needed three punches to take this Mexican down.
Okay.
If there's one thing I know about Anthony Joshua, he never landed a three-punch combination in his life.
That was luck.
Joshua is one punch, you get sat down.
Raw power.
You know what?
You're fighting a Mexican.
It don't work like that.
They're built different.
Like Irish dudes, they're built different.
You need multiple punches to take them down.
And even then, they might not go down.
You have to be ready for 12 rounds if you're fighting a Mexican. 12 rounds. And you got punches to take them down. And even then, they might not go down. You have to be ready for
12 rounds if you're fighting a Mexican.
12 rounds. And you gotta outpoint them.
You gotta outpoint. It's gonna be the worst
12 rounds of your life. And you gotta...
There's one thing Floyd understands and he respects.
When he goes in there with these Mexicans, and he learned it earlier
in his fucking career, because he went up against this guy named
I think Narvaez or something like that. They gave him the hardest
fight of his career. But when you go in it, it's gonna be a long night.
The other fight that I saw since I started watching a little bit was Maidana, I believe.
He's Argentine?
Argentine, but same thing.
In there.
Straight.
Right in.
I'm throwing punches.
I'm going.
It's going to be a long night, and you need to be prepared for it.
Let me tell you, them muscles don't like 12 rounds.
Them big old muscles, Anthony Joshua guy, they don't like 12 rounds.
They like four.
They knock you out, get out of there, and then go to your after party.
Andy Ruiz is built for an avalanche.
This guy looks like snowfall.
You know what I mean?
This guy is ready for the whole time.
He looked melting.
He looked melting.
So a lot of people had an issue with Anthony Joshua being very smiley after the fight.
He's an elegant man.
And I mean that.
What were your thoughts on that?
I think he is an elegant man and a gracious loser.
And he is truly a gentleman.
And I mean that in the most complimentary way possible.
If you watch him in a...
I tweeted a bunch of stuff that was super mean and kind of disparaging because I thought he quit like a bitch.
Yeah.
I mean, he's soft.
He looked relieved to not be champion anymore.
That was my thing.
There's one thing to be gracious and be like, know what it was his night shout out like when he went up there
and said what he said to the microphone right then and there i would have been cool with but like the
smiling the fucking all the other shit it's like it looked like relief like it was like god damn
thank god because you know i'm cool with um save him for uh wild from wilder well we're gonna get
to that because he know he he knows he wasn't real.
He knows his hype.
Here's the thing.
I'm cool with Andres Hale.
He knows his hype.
Yeah, shout out to Andres.
He runs DAZN, right?
Yeah, yeah.
So I was with him the night before.
Real quick, biggest winners in this entire renaissance is DAZN.
They just made this massive investment into boxing.
As you were talking, that was my number one thought.
You know, Indians mad commerce minded.
You know who's running that?
Who?
John Skipper, who used to run ESPN.
Oh, Skip.
What a fucking win for them.
If what you're saying is going to come to fruition.
I wouldn't say it's a win, but go on.
If what you're saying is coming to fruition, casual boxing fan, they just made this massive investment in boxing.
This fight was on DAZN.
Now, all of a sudden, after you made the investment, boxing renaissance.
Thank God.
But wait for it. This is
the worst thing that could happen to DAZN.
Because you know who is
DAZN's
captain, leader, their
strongest horse? Anthony Joshua.
Ah. Yes. They got Canelo. Canelo.
Canelo as well. But Anthony
Joshua is their heavyweight, right? The interest
right now in the division is...
Oh, they don't have Fury or Wilder or whatever.
I didn't know they had Joshua.
That doesn't hurt.
So Wilder's on Showtime?
Wilder's on Showtime.
Fury is an independent contractor, I believe.
But now they've signed to fight.
So we'll get to that one as well.
But this is the worst thing that can happen to Showtime.
To DAZN.
The best thing that can happen to DAZN is an easy Joshua win that is just as exciting as the Wilder win.
Right?
And then you set up that fight for them in the future, right?
The worst thing is when your star horse pulls up lane.
Did not know he was a horse of theirs.
Okay.
Right?
And listen, he has the UK market on lock.
There are people right now listening to this in London like, that's bullshit.
It was lucky.
No, it wasn't lucky.
I'm going to tell you what.
Shout out to my brother-in-law.
That was the best part of this whole thing.
I FaceTimed him right when he was
getting knocked out too.
Like, it was so good.
The only thing that could
cheer you up
seeing a black dude
get knocked out
is seeing an English guy
unhappy about it.
You know,
I could tell you
casually from a distance,
I guess retrospect,
but immediately
I'm uneasy trusting this dude
because he got
an upward back tattoo.
What kind of shit is that?
Yeah, yeah.
Ain't no tough guy
with an upward back tattoo.
That's just a reverse hoe.
Listen, he does it. A reverse hoe. Listen, he does it...
A reverse hoe.
Okay, so
the situation now is
if I'm...
I think the... Okay.
The greatest thing about this entire
situation is
that Wilder never gets the chance
to fight Joshua. Because I really
believe in my heart that Wilder would gets the chance to fight Joshua. Because I really believe in my heart
that Wilder would have murdered Anthony Joshua.
Or not murdered, but I think there's a chance
that he could have killed him in the ring.
He keeps begging for this kill.
That would have been it.
I honestly believe it might be.
If Andy Ruiz, and I'm not trying to knock Andy Ruiz,
but he is not as hard a puncher as Deontay Wilder.
He is not. That is a fact.
If Andy Ruiz
knocks Joshua down three times
easily in the fight, maybe it was
four times, and stops him, Deontay
Wilder would change
Anthony Joshua's life. Like, we're talking
about, you're coming out of that fight different.
Like, you're sipping vegetables through a straw
type shit.
We're going to see what happens to Don
Brazil or whatever the fuck that guy's
name is, but his life is different now.
Shit is different when you get hit that hard.
Bro, that shit sounded like a door slamming.
I can still hear that shit to this day.
Let me ask you a question.
Ruiz Wilder,
that seems like an interesting fight based on what you said.
You know what I want to see more?
Just because of the size.
So, yeah.
So, this is what we got coming up.
We have...
Wilder Fury.
Well, Fury is going to first fight this guy named Schwartz.
Just some tomato can.
He stayed busy.
I think that's this weekend.
Or next weekend.
June something.
It's coming up.
Nobody gives a fuck.
It's the same as the Wilder Brazil fight.
It's basically like, guys, everybody's going to watch us fight.
The eyes are on us.
You guys want to make a few mil?
Go make some money.
Yeah.
Let's get a few mil.
It's like, hey, you got a big show in San Francisco.
Let's pick up some small gigs in Sacramento.
That's the exact city I was thinking.
But exactly, right?
And literally, that's how it goes, right?
So it's like, okay, boom.
Let's both get this check.
Now, Wilder took this Luis Ortiz fight, which is very weird.
But he has to fight Luis Ortiz, a guy who gave him a lot of problems,
a guy who he was losing to, and then he knocked him out viciously.
But he was losing to him.
A guy who is very good, a Cuban southpaw boxer who can absolutely outpoint Wilder.
A guy like Luis Ortiz, I would never want Andy Ruiz to fight.
Yeah, that's the style that he's not good with.
Exactly.
Right.
Andy Ruiz, you want a guy who's going to come straight and swing.
In a lot of ways, Andy Ruiz, if he doesn't get caught,
Wilder, Andy Ruiz would be an incredible fight.
That's what I was hearing from what you're saying.
100%.
100%.
I just like the optics of Tyson Fury, who's fucking 6'7".
It seems like, though, from what you're saying, Tyson Fury is just a longer Andy Ruiz.
He'll just outbox him with the length.
But he won't throw the haymakers.
And he won't get in there with the punches.
Tyson Fury, and nobody wants to say it,, he's a lot more like, this sounds too
crazy to say, but like Ali in terms of his, he's not as aggressive as Ali.
Ali went out there to take you out.
But in terms of his footwork and his boxing ability and his ability to pepper the jab
and then hit you with stuff, you know what I mean?
He is way more Ali than he is like a Tyson.
Yeah.
If you're comparing him to greats, we're not saying he's at that level.
It's if you're comparing him to greats.
Ruiz is, is, is Tyson that he's knows he's at that level. If you're comparing him to greats. Ruiz is Tyson that he knows he's smaller.
He's willing to use movement to get in there.
And then when he's in there, he's swinging.
And you just want to see length versus getting in there.
Just like that weird length.
It could be crazy.
But that Wilder-Ruiz fight, let's say.
If Wilder gets by Ortiz.
Let's say Deontay Wilder beats Ortiz, right?
Let's hope.
Yeah.
Deontay Wilder fights Fury.
Yeah.
Wilder beats Ortiz, right? Let's hope.
Yeah. Deontay Wilder fights Fury. Yeah.
Even
if one of the, let's say Fury
wins, and it's a close fight,
you're going to have another one. Of course.
It's the rubber now. It's the rubber match, yeah.
So you're going to have another one. So let's say Fury
wins. You know what I'm doing
if I'm Wilder? Go fight.
I take a Ruiz fight,
right? Which would be massive. You do the Ruiz fight. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Right? Which would be massive.
Mm-hmm.
You do the Ruiz fight, right?
What's up?
Breaking news.
Kawhi Leonard has filed a federal lawsuit against Nike.
For?
Oh, for his.
He designed the logo that appeared on his apparel, and Nike copyrighted the logo without
his consent.
Ooh.
Okay.
We'll get to that in a second.
That's something serious. I thought he died or something. I was like, oh, God, no. So, Okay. We'll get to that in a second. That's not serious.
I thought he died or something.
I was like, oh, God, no.
So where were we?
Ruiz versus Wilder.
Ruiz-Wilder fight.
Yeah.
Okay.
So then you have Ruiz fight Wilder while Tyson Fury waits for one more with Wilder.
We're talking about the next three years of boxing is looking good.
And then sprinkled within that is Anthony Joshua.
Mm-hmm. Trying to climb back.
I would never let him fight a slick boxer.
Do not let it happen.
You really don't think there's no way Joshua can get back to where he's at right now?
It's his first loss.
I don't think he can ever beat Andy Ruiz.
I don't think he's good enough.
I don't think he's good at boxing enough.
And Andy Ruiz does something that Joshuaoshua does not like which is apply pressure joshua wants
to come at you and he wants he joshua wants to come at somebody and he's actually athletic enough
and quick enough where you can try to counter him but you probably won't be able to because
he'll get the punch in there but to be pushed backwards he is not used to that right a guy
who's six six and weighs as much as him and has legit power, nobody walks forward unless you're Mexican.
They don't know any better.
Simple as that.
I would never have him fight a slick boxer like Ruiz who's not afraid to get hit.
Slick boxer mean not afraid to get hit or good at boxing?
Or both?
Both.
Okay.
That's just what I would—I mean, we're talking the next three years of boxing has already settled.
A lot of this does hinge on Wilder winning his Ortiz fight, from what I'm hearing.
And that could fuck up so many things if he loses that fight, which is a very losable fight.
Please don't lose that fight.
Now, Joshua strikes me as the type that enjoyed being the champion, enjoyed the glitz and the glamour of being the dude in the UK.
Yes.
And didn't really have much interest in coming to the United States and being a crossover star.
I think he seems very comfortable in his fucking skin and being in the UK.
I tend to.
And I feel like, I mean, this is me not knowing that much about boxing.
Right.
But I kind of feel like he took this fight lightly and he knew that he thought he could
just walk through this dude.
And I feel like that's why he lost.
You really don't think there's no way that he gets himself recalibrated and is like,
all right, I'm back
to, I'm back on my bullshit.
What I'm hearing from Andrew is Ruiz is a fighter, right?
And a fighter who's smart figures you out as the more he spends time with you in the
ring.
I don't hear that about, I don't hear him saying that about Joshua.
So it's like, even if Joshua trains, Ruiz got him figured out.
He just gets it.
The more he's, the more rounds he stays in there with Joshua, the more he's just got
him figured out. And I I only reason I was thinking
that is because I would always see that with Floyd first three or four rounds
Floyd never watch tape first three four rounds are always kind of up in there
then Ron about round seven round eight yeah and so that's why I would think if
they had a rematch and then rematches Floyd always watched whoever he was
fighting so I got him the. The conventional wisdom with boxing is
if you KO someone
the next time you fight
you KO them quicker.
Right?
Because now
like you were saying
you got the timing down
and
now you felt their power
you know exactly
where to be
and now Anthony Joshua
is not going to be aggressive
because he knows
what happens if he gets hit.
So if you were backing up a lot
in the first fight
you're going to be on a lot in the first fight,
you're going to be on your bicycle in the second fight.
Interesting moment, by the way,
that in the corners there when the replay is out there showing the corner talks,
Joshua, to what you brought up earlier,
didn't know.
He was like, what punch got me?
Yeah, you never know when you get hit.
When you get hit hard,
like I remember once I got knocked real hard
where my vision went blurry.
Not blurry, but it started to spin a little bit.
And I thought I got hit with a hook.
I actually got hit with a right hand.
Wow.
You don't even know.
And this commonplace, like Floyd talks about this in a cool interview there.
Like he talked about when Mosley hit him.
Yeah.
And he said the exact thing.
He's like, yeah, the room is spinning.
He goes, but you have to understand, like I've been there a hundred of times.
So that's nothing to me.
I'm comfortable when it's spinning.
Yeah.
Like, man, if you want to get into like how fucked up boxers are,'s this guy vasyl lomachenko yeah lomachenko all right when his
father trains him he drowns him in water he drowns him waterboards him no he's in a pool
and right when he's out of oxygen he holds him under right why drago shit real, he does it because the panic that you feel in that moment,
he wants him to get comfortable
in.
I want you to get comfortable in
panic. So when you're in a fight and you're
in that fight or flight mode
and you start to feel your brain
and animalistic instincts take over
and go, survive, survive, survive.
Take a deep breath. Well, not in the water, but
still chill. We got this. You've been here before.
Not some Russian shit.
So you think he's the best fighter,
right?
Power for power right now.
If you're Anthony Joshua's management,
right?
How do you,
no pun intended,
get up from this situation?
You don't have to
because you could have the rematch right away
and that's what Eddie Hearn was saying
and they'll probably do the rematch in England,
which is stupid
because the real big fight
is to do it in Mexico
and I think Heyman will work that out,
but you do it in Mexico and he knocks him out again
in front of 100,000 Mexican fans.
I'll never come back from that.
I'll never come back from that.
Dude, a god?
But we're talking about...
We're saying Ruiz would be a god.
Oh, yeah.
Ruiz is going to be a god.
And then we're talking about the entire country of Mexico.
If they're not already charged up about their heavyweight champ, it's over.
And then you put this tiny little Mexican dude up against this wilder 6'7 black guy, American.
It seems like a movie.
It's a movie.
When I'm reading in retrospect this fight, and to Kaz's point, I would disagree.
It seemed to me like Joshua loved the spotlight.
He saw himself as a brand. He's taking the picture with Drake, which we're going to get to later, saying, I would disagree. It seemed to me like Joshua loved the spotlight. He saw himself as a brand.
He's taking the picture with Drake, which we're going to get to later, saying the curse is broken.
I went to Manchester, and he was like the fucking LeBron out there.
He's on everything.
As much as I hate LeBron going to the Lakers in this move, LeBron put in fucking work.
LeBron would grind.
But Joshua, I didn't hear that about.
In interviews before this, apparently he was talking about business ventures and blah, blah, blah. Who, LeBron would grind. But Joshua, I didn't hear that about. In interviews before this, apparently he was talking about business ventures and blah, blah, blah.
He's supposed to come to D.C. Bulls.
Who, LeBron?
Joshua.
He's supposed to come to D.C. Bulls.
But the fact that even an idea doesn't tell me I don't care about American fame.
It tells me I like being a star and I want to make this global and I'm a product and let's have fun.
Yeah, he's a corporate fighter.
There are certain guys that are corporate fighters.
And there are certain guys that are corporate fighters and there are certain guys
that are fighters
and there are certain guys
that can do both.
Conor McGregor can do both.
And while he did lose
to a better fighter,
he lost to someone
who was a better fighter.
Conor's still elite.
Let's acknowledge
he was a double champ.
That's very hard to do,
especially in a sport
that has as much turnover
as MMA does.
It's very volatile. And he ended Aldo when Aldo was the fucking dude. Was the shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. in a sport that has as much turnover as MMA does.
It's very volatile. And he ended Aldo when Aldo was the fucking dude.
Was the shit.
Yeah.
No, no.
Respect to Conor, but he could also market the fuck out of it.
And Anthony is an elegant fucking gentleman.
And I do not say that as an insult at all.
I say it as a compliment.
This guy is, if you look at him, he is class fucking act.
Yeah.
Class personified.
Gave it up to Ruiz, said it was his night,
he was the better man, and
all this other stuff. He is fucking classy.
I don't need my fighters to be classy.
I need my fighters to be fighters.
He's a great ambassador.
He's an amazing ambassador for
England, he's an amazing ambassador for Nigeria,
he's an amazing ambassador for the sport of boxing,
or whatever.
Now he's English.
You can't get him back now, bro.
But when you talk about...
Yeah, is he?
I like Deontay, right?
Deontay is going to say
wild shit in an interview,
but you know what?
I'm going to watch.
I'm going to watch
because it sounds
like a fight for me, bro.
And he finishes.
Deontay hospitalizes
mascots on TV.
That's what I want my boxers to be like, especially in the division that was dying before I got interested in those guys.
He's the guy who got me back into heavyweight boxing.
Heavyweight boxing is popping now.
And the great thing is all three of them are engaging personalities.
Yeah.
Andy Ruiz is this adorable, kind of charming guy.
He's a big believer in God,
loves God.
He looks like Fluffy.
He looks like Gabriel Iglesias.
Yeah, Gabriel Iglesias.
But he's like,
he's just so grateful.
He kept saying in the post-fight interviews,
he goes,
I'm pinching myself, man.
I hope that it's still real.
Like, he's so endearing.
He came out in a Knicks jersey.
Look at the smile, man.
Look at that.
How do you not that one?
Yeah, how do you hate that guy? Knicks jersey. Look at him. Get the one with the Knicks jersey. Look at the smile, man. Look at that. How do you not that one? Yeah, how do you hate that guy?
Come on.
Knicks jersey.
Look at him.
Get the one with the Knicks jersey on.
Come on.
How do you hate this guy, right?
That's the champ.
I mean, that's so dope.
So just happy.
It is the kid from Up, straight up.
Also, shouts to Deontay Wilder, man.
He had a beautiful post.
I saw that, too.
That was really dope.
Yo, Deontay really acting like a champ, bro.
This guy is a champ, man.
He had 30,000 followers before that fight.
And now he's half a mil, right?
715,000.
Yeah, I followed.
Jesus Christ.
You have 30,000 followers
on Saturday.
Go to Deontay Wilder's
Bronze Bomber
is the Instagram.
Yeah, man.
Because he had something
really cool to say.
Really classy statement.
There we go.
There, let's click
this one right here.
Okay, so he goes,
you can't scroll up?
Oh, no, once again.
Sometimes it's in the Instagram.
There you go. Okay, he goes, huge congratulations
to Andy Ruiz, basically,
for your upset win last
night. You've been blessed to come out of the struggle
and become the first Mexican heavyweight champion ever.
Wow, it's amazing, and I'm wishing you many more blessings
to come. P.S., it the first Mexican heavyweight champion ever. Wow, it's amazing and I'm wishing you many more blessings to come.
P.S. it's all up to you
in what you do
with this huge opportunity.
There's many perks
that come behind it.
Blessings.
Hashtag bomb squad.
Hashtag super happy for you.
Hashtag to this day.
It's like,
you don't gotta do that.
You could actually trash him.
You could in this moment go,
yo, when you ready for it,
you won't get knocked out.
You got my belt.
You got my belt.
Gives it up for fighters historically. Him and Fury,
no more trash talk.
As he said
when he came here,
once you get in the ring with somebody, you can't.
He also hasn't gotten in the ring with Ruiz yet. He just sees a fighter
and it seems like he'll give it up for a fighter.
But that's what someone
who accepts himself as a champion does, right?
Someone who still has the chip on their shoulder is someone who's insecure,
and they can't compliment another person's great victory because they got that chip.
But when you're filled up and you see yourself as the champ,
you're not threatened by that.
You're like, yo, you got that shit.
And you know what?
We might see each other.
But until then, fist up for you.
There we go.
Yeah, do your thing.
There's also something, too, maybe just like when you love some shit, like the way you feel about stand-up, we give it up to a motherfucker that's doing the art justice.
And he probably feels that way about the science of fighting, I would assume.
God bless, man.
We are in a good position for boxing, bro.
It is.
We're almost two hours in.
We didn't talk about no finals.
Yeah, I know.
That's how great. It is. We're almost two hours in. We didn't talk about no finals. Yeah, I know. I know.
That's how great this episode is. You want to hit the green and then what's that?
Well, shout out to this guy who brought us some Starbucks.
Oh, yeah.
First of all, shout out to, what's his name?
Tal Hirschberg.
Yeah.
At Starbucks.
Hit us with a little note.
Dear Kaz, Andrew, Akash, and Alex, over the past few months, I've heard you talk about
us in the only way you know how with style and flagrance.
We here at Starbucks are big fans of the grind and hustle.
We figured you could use some help. Think of coffee as
the blue chew of waking up.
I am based in NY and would love to have you as my guest.
Based where?
In NY. Oh, New York. That's what's up, man.
We're coming through. Until then, let's pray for the next
ping pong balls. Keep it tight.
To be fair, he also sometimes added in parentheses
so don't feel bad.
Also, guys, this episode is brought to you by Original Grain, the premier maker of wooden steel watches.
Show that shit, Kaz.
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Back to the show
Perfect time
Perfect time
To knock off
Your baby bladder
That's what I'm talking about
That's what I'm talking
We got a long one
Long episode today
We still got finals talk
We could have split up
The Lisa Ann
Into two episodes
There's something
There's something there
Who knows
We'll figure it out
Who knows
That being said
Yeah
What
No I'm just saying
You want to put the whole thing Yeah put the whole thing It's a freebie Freebie you know Oh it's like a whole Who knows? We'll figure it out. Who knows? That being said. Yeah. What? No, I'm just saying.
You want to put the whole thing out? Yeah, let's put the whole thing out.
It's a freebie.
Freebie, you know.
Oh, it's like a whole long episode.
I'm saying we could take that interview.
We could put a half hour out on this episode, the next episode, next week.
We could put a half hour.
Oh, gotcha.
Because nothing too timely.
I didn't want to put it behind the paywall.
That was my thing.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Now, you know, the sex video that she's going to do.
Lisa got.
For her and our guys. For our guys. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Now, you know, the sex video that she's going to do. We still got here.
For her and our guys.
For our guys.
We're going to put that on the Patreon.
Real talk.
That's not going to be the new fucking 6,000 mark.
We still got enough videos behind the paywall.
Let's go ahead and give some for free.
What's one more?
What's one more?
All right, so.
From one Drake curse to another.
Yes. Man. Let's see. Finals Drake curse to another. Yes.
Let's see.
Finals.
Raptors, impressive victory.
First game.
Second game.
We think it's a wrap.
Yeah.
Let me say this.
Yeah.
I said last week, I forget if it was Patreon or regular, that KD was not coming back for the series.
He's back.
No.
Drake shows up to game two wearing a jacket.
The back of the jacket is Kevin McAllister's face.
This is Home Alone.
What is his name?
Macaulay Culkin.
And it's his face.
And then underneath it says,
Kevin, question mark, question mark, question mark,
exclamation point, right? Now, what Drake is trying to say
is what I told you guys last week,
which is Kevin Durant is not coming back.
That's his way of tipping the media
because Drake got information
that I may have got
that said that there's no way
KD is making it back for this series.
The problem is...
It's the Drakers.
No, the problem is the Boogie Man.
That's the problem.
We did not think...
Let me tell you something.
That Boogie was going to come back and be the MVP of Game 2,
give them 30 minutes or more.
It was 26 minutes.
Almost 30 minutes.
Almost a triple-double.
11 points, 10 rebounds, 6 assists.
And when he first came out, by the way, he got three fouls within the first quarter.
Which is what Boogie does.
Which is what Boogie does.
He'll foul you.
But when you look at that play, you're like, oh, this guy's tired.
He's out of shape.
He's hurt.
There's no way he's going to be able to keep up the pace, especially in a game when they need him like this.
And the guy, you've got to give it up.
Let me tell you something about Boogie's
performance. Steph stepped it up. Clay probably
had the best game overall to everybody.
I haven't seen a lot
of people play with that much heart. You could tell
that motherfucker was laboring. All the Warriors,
man, they play like champs. I hate
them the most. I actively hate them.
But they play like champs, dude.
They play with fucking heart, bro.
It wasn't fucking pretty.
Gotta love my guys.
It wasn't.
Relax, Alex.
And, I'm not even going to acknowledge Alex.
And, two things are true.
The Warriors played like motherfucking champions, and the Raptors got scared.
They got scared.
They played scared.
They looked nervous in the third.
It was hot potato.
Once they hit that run, and they was trying in the third. It was hot potato. Once they hit that run and they were trying to stop it, it was hot potato.
Either get it to Kawhi or, oh, try and make the extra other pass, do too much teammate shit.
Like, no.
I think Kawhi's injured.
This is the time he is injured.
He's been limping.
Jay Williams said in game one, this is the worst I've seen him limp this entire playoffs.
I think Kawhi's injured.
And the reason I say that is it's not only the limping, it's the type of offense that he's been providing.
Yeah.
In the past playoff series,
I never saw him get positioned in the lower block and call for it
like he's a seven-footer.
No.
Right?
Because he's tired and he's hurting.
I think he's hurting,
and he knows that he's not going to beat you off of athleticism.
In the first two series?
He's not going for those fades.
Think about how he was scoring in the last few.
He's not getting lift on those fades anymore.
By the way, yeah.
So guys, the fade, it's different than in football,
but what a fade is you get the ball on, let's say,
the three-point line extended Kobe used to make a living on these.
And essentially you drive towards the baseline,
and then you pull up and then fade away almost out of bounds.
It is the basketball equivalent of the over-the-shoulder throw.
The back shoulder throw.
The back shoulder throw.
It's an almost unblockable shot.
It's essentially a hook shot.
But you're shooting it.
Yeah, if you give it the arc, you can't block it.
You're falling back.
If you fade over, it's a foul.
You just got to put your hand up and hope for the best.
And somebody who mastered that shot, MJ's your Kobe's or your
Kawai's like Kobe MJ wasn't a big guy the fate he would do the fade away
But he wasn't doing that driving fate Kobe was the one who really mastered that shot who did it
Effectively to the point where I mean there was nothing you could do stuff hits that so when stuff is really cooking
He'll hit that from three
So um
You have a situation where that your best player is injured,
and then you go to the other team, the Warriors,
it's like their whole fucking team is injured.
Iggy needs so much fucking credit, but Iggy was barely walking.
This is what people don't realize.
The Warriors have to put him back together again.
This is Humpty Dumpty.
This guy was not walking around the last two days what
they're doing with Steph look he got rocked on the screen and he was out for
like a good he was bitching about that no no he got rocked
he went to the locker room that seems like a real like if you're playing the finals and you're milking it to the point Iggy
they they went they took him back to the locker room so if you're playing in the
finals and you're like I want to milk this screen he could dogy. They took him back to the locker room. So if you're playing in the finals and you're like, I want to milk this screen.
Yes, he did.
No, he went back to the locker room.
Clay went to the locker room.
Iggy went to the locker room.
Clay didn't come back.
Iggy went to the locker room.
So that's when I was like, oh, this is real.
Because I thought he was doing the thing basketball players always do,
where they're crumpled up on the ground for two minutes over a game.
It was like two plays.
It was like back and forth.
He was just like, they're laid out.
When I saw him go to the locker room, I said, okay, you're not milking it.
You're wasting time in a game when you need it.
But yeah, he's beat up.
Klay's beat up.
I don't believe Steph had the flu.
That narrative just went away as soon as he started playing.
I think it was poisoned.
I'm being dead serious.
I'm being 100% serious.
I think it's the thing.
Why?
Because that's what happens when you get to this level of basketball.
I'm being dead serious.
You guys don't realize this.
Teams at this point in the game will bring their own chefs on the road with them.
And you don't think the Warriors are doing that?
Yeah.
You don't think his whole diet's controlled?
I think what happens is you have two days where you're walking around Toronto
and the team isn't going to follow you and see everything that you put in your mouth.
I think if you're Steph, you're pretty...
You never know.
I think what happens is...
That's a major hot take.
From what I hear.
Disciplined to not eat?
No, from what I hear,
Steph is the type of guy
who would be like,
yo, every meal's prepped.
Like Kevin Love does that.
Every meal is prepped.
I'm not eating anything out.
Every meal is prepped.
I'm eating out of this.
This is my meal prep.
No, but you see Steph out.
He has a wife.
He has a family.
What I'm saying is...
This bitch would have him
eating out in the final seat.
What I'm saying is you have Draymond walking around Toronto.
You have these guys who are very disciplined in what they eat.
Draymond has lost 35 pounds since the middle of the season.
So seriously, he's on a diet.
But you're in one of the greatest cities in the world.
Toronto is a fantastic city.
Great food.
You're out there eating.
And you never know.
There might be some prep cook who's like, who's eating?
What's the meal?
Okay.
Boom.
I got you.
cook who's like, who's eating? What's the meal?
Okay, boom, I got you.
All I'm trying to say is, there are NFL teams,
NBA teams, that once they get to this close to the promised land,
you control every environment
that you're in. Real talk.
And you might bring chefs
with you if you're going to Golden State. And if you're
going to Golden State, you might bring chefs with you to
Toronto, because you don't know what a motherfucker might try
to do. And I'm not talking about it's organized by
the team. I'm talking about it's just crazy fandom. Let Let me tell you something if the Knicks were in the fucking finals
That's why Spike Lee pussy
Yo, if the Knicks are in the finals and somebody seen LeBron walking into a fucking restaurant
You're not rubbing your dick on his food. You're not doing some shit. You're not making sure he's a little fucking dick. Try to ride the subway.
Try to ride the subway, yo.
Try to ride the subway
during the playoffs.
Try to ride the subway
during the finals.
Lakers against the Knicks.
It's Toronto.
It's your first trip ever.
It's your first time
in the East Carolina Finals.
That entire country
is behind you.
If LeBron's on the subway
and it's in the finals
against the Knicks,
if one of those little black kids
that does a pole dance
and don't kick him
in the fucking mouth,
you're not a real Knicks fan.
Dancers?
If the train conductor isn't like, LeBron, you're about to stay right here.
He said, you're not a real Knicks fan.
I thought it was a different N-word.
Oh.
No, the train conductor has got to be like, bing, bing.
Keep the door closed like LeBron James in one of our cars.
Yo, if you're a homeless guy who don't shit himself in the car, you're not a real Knicks
fan.
You got to shit yourself and throw it out.
That's it.
I don't doubt that this level of fandom occurs.
I believe that.
I also just think it's the same thing we brought up where Steph is always hurt when he's having
a bad game.
Then all of a sudden he catches fire and Doris mentions it at the end during the post-game
interview.
But then there's no, Steph is still talking to his trainers.
Blah, blah, blah. All of a sudden,
he looks great. He looks fresh. He didn't look
sick. Jordan, flu game, whatever that was,
hangover sick. Nothing makes you feel better than
the flu first. He looks sick. I might be hating.
I think he's sweating.
You hate. You're hating.
Because he looked awful.
But Kawhi also looked awful.
I've never seen Kawhi have that bad energy.
I've never seen Kawhi complain to the refs as much as he's complaining.
And when do you complain a lot?
Like the old man at the YMCA?
When you don't got it physically.
You got to use every advantage you got.
Kawhi is like, Kawhi played like shit.
He was the quietest.
I think you said this in the group chat.
He was the quietest 30-point game.
Yeah, 34-14.
It didn't seem like it made a difference. Bro,
I mean, like, he was lazy
on defense. He was getting beat on pump fakes. It was
just not the Kawhi that we're used to. Yo, at the end of the game,
the ball went right to
Kawhi's hands and he didn't steal it.
Sean Livingston out-jumped you? That's insane.
Something's off.
Also, I've never seen...
Kawhi Leonard is the DeAndre
Hopkins of basketball in that I've never seen – Kawhi Leonard is the DeAndre Hopkins of basketball
in that I've never seen him lose a jump ball, right?
If two guys are going – if there's a corner and DeAndre Hopkins going up for a jump ball,
we know who's coming down with him.
The hands are unbelievable, undeniable.
You're telling me Sean Livingston –
Who's probably going to retire at the end of this year.
Sean Livingston.
Who's probably going to retire at the end of this year.
Sean Livingston is going to rip a ball out of Kawhi Leonard's hands?
That's what champs do, bro.
That's what champs do. So are y'all keeping your prediction or are you trying to cop some pleasers?
No.
What are you talking about, son?
Yeah, it's Rapson 6.
I said it from the jump.
Rapson 6.
I'm just saying because you're just playing this all Kawhi's hurt game.
I said it from the jump.
I said it from the jump.
They're splitting the first two. You did. I said it from the jump. They're splitting the first two. I said it's splitting the second two. Kawhi's hurt game. I said from jump they're splitting the first two.
I said from jump they're splitting the first two.
I said they're splitting the second two.
Kawhi's going to go into Toronto.
Are you going to pretend you didn't predict a sweep?
It's all good, though.
It's all good.
Go back out here bashing our predictions.
Warriors are fine, baby.
I said they split the first four.
Toronto goes into Golden State, wins in Golden State,
and then takes a home in Toronto.
I'm sticking to that.
This is what I'm thinking.
I agree. I thought Toronto was that. This is what I'm thinking. I agree.
I think, I thought Toronto was going to take both home games, but I think
that the Warriors win,
depending on what the lineup is.
Boogie's going to be
exhausted and sore. People don't
realize this, and he even said in the post-game interview,
they're like, how do you feel? He goes, right now I feel good. Tomorrow,
shit, I don't know how I'm going to feel.
Multiple days off. So, shit, I don't know. You have multiple days off.
So, yeah.
So, Boogie is now playing 30 minutes for the first time in months.
And starting.
He's playing 30 minutes in an NBA finals 30 minutes.
That's not 30 minutes regular season.
And starting.
I know.
And starting.
So, Boogie's going to feel a very different way than he's used to feeling.
So, we're not going to get the same energy from Boogie. Is Klay going to even play? That's the question. He's going to feel a very different way than he's used to feeling. So we're not going to get the same energy from Boogie.
Is Klay going to even play?
That's the question.
He's going to play.
I think Klay will play.
Yeah, Klay said he doesn't feel like he's going to miss the game.
So maybe Klay plays.
But how effective is he?
How effective?
Iggy also not feeling great.
So now we have a bunch of the players on that team that are not feeling.
Obviously, Steph will feel better, right?
So you have a bunch of the guys on the team not feeling that.
I think that Toronto
takes one of the two
games in Golden State
and I think
Toronto closes it out
when they go back home
one of the two
I agree
I think if Toronto
won game two
the series was over
I think if
I think they sweep
if they win game two
and it was a winnable game
and it was a winnable game
and that's what kills me
as someone who hates
Toronto
or hates Golden State
so much
if they lost that game with Clay now popping popping his hamstring, whatever happened to it.
Draymond's going to be fucking exhausted.
Iggy's hurt.
They're just like, yo, how fucking demoralizing?
I don't care if you're champs.
How demoralizing is that down 0-2?
Honestly, though, the one thing that scares me about my prediction is with all this happening,
this is the type of shit where like Steph
goes off for like 50
your prediction was
Golden State right?
Golden State in six
was your prediction
no I had Raptors in six
I had Raptors in six
all of us picked the Raptors
yeah
okay word
look
my only thing I was off
was I had them
I had it ending
in Golden State
not winning game five
because the Raptors
have home court advantage
so I had Kawhi
shutting down the Oracle
and celebrating.
Six in the six.
How poignant, how perfect, how romantic.
I just feel like
Kawhi's game travels more
injured than Steph's game does.
And a lot of their injuries, though.
And I don't think Katie's going to come back.
So here's the thing that people are making a big deal of.
They're like,
the Raptors couldn't win when, or I'm sorry, sorry.
The Warriors lost to the Raptors, but they needed Fred Van Fleet to beat them or something like that.
Pascal had a historically great game.
Pascal and Fred Van Fleet, but that's never going to happen again.
And it's like, okay, fair enough.
And it's like, okay, fair enough.
But the Raptors lost to the Warriors because Quincy Cook.
Quinn Cook.
Or Quinn Cook ended up balling out of his fucking mind.
And Boogie Cousins ends up balling out of his mind.
It's like if you're the Raptors and you lose because Boogie plays 30 minutes and balls out of his mind.
QC comes off the bench, balls out of his mind. And then you lose the game realistically on a three-pointer from Iggy?
Okay.
After they went on a 20-0 run and you're still in the game at the end, it's a two-point game with four seconds left?
They played a box-in one like it was fucking D2 college and it was effective.
But you understand what I'm saying?
Yeah, no, I'm saying it to your point of like watching that game, Golden State, hats off.
I do think all these injuries, like you're saying, that's going to add up.
That can get you through that game.
I think in a 6-7 game series, that adds up.
That's what gives me hope for my prediction.
Right.
But what I'm saying is people are making a big deal about this loss, right?
And I don't think it's a big deal, this loss.
Yeah.
Right?
Because they lost in the exact way, if you had to choose a way to lose, that is how it's
designed.
I would like to lose, if I'm the Raptors and we have to lose, I don't want to lose to Clay
and Steph dropping 60 points.
I want to lose to Quincy, Quin, what is it?
I don't even know his name.
Quin Cook.
I want to lose to Quin Cook and Boogie.
I want to lose to Quin Cook and Boogie.
And who's going to hit the back breaking three to kill me?
Not a Splash Brother? The worst three point shooter
on the team? Sure.
That's what Nick Nurse said in a post game
conference. We give them ten more chances.
I like our chances a little bit.
That's a little disrespectful to a champ
though. Iggy is a champ.
20% three point shooter though.
The other 47
minutes of the game? yeah, take it.
The last one minute, let me have Quinn Cook try to hit that shot.
Even if you're a better three-point shooter, give me the scary guy.
Iggy is this generation's Robert Ory.
And anybody who's young watching basketball right now, if you ever heard the name Robert Ory,
whatever Iggy ends up doing in these finals or these closeout games and playoffs
where he's stripping somebody or hitting big shots or playing immaculate defense.
Championship winning plays.
That's it.
That's what Robert Horry used to do.
They play Dre.
They play Dre.
Championship winning plays is what Robert Horry used to do, whether it's the big shot, whether he goes off for like 10 in the fourth quarter.
Like that was big shot Bob.
That's what he would do.
That's why to me at the end of a game, I like my chances of Quinn Cook or fucking what's his name?
Kevon Looney taking that shot.
100%.
I'm on it.
Looney's out too.
And people act like that's not a big deal.
No, that's a big deal.
They're beat up.
For the first time, they're beat up in the finals.
Yeah.
Severely beat up.
Everybody's beat up when you get to the finals.
They're injured.
Yes.
Right?
Like, nobody's feeling great at the end of a season, but they are injured to the point
where it's like, if this was regular season, would you play?
Probably not.
So what's going gonna happen game three?
We'll find out together
Finals yes as promised it's all about a patreon
But this Wednesday New York City if you're in town or if you're coming out of New York City, whatever
Vinyl all of us will be there starting at 7 o'clock. Shout out to Tito's Vodka.
They'll be supplying the libations for everybody to drink.
7 to 8 free drinks.
Free drinks for everybody who gets in there.
So get there early.
Get your drink on.
Come hang out with us.
There's lots of food.
It's a great place.
Big fucking projector TV.
Bunch of TV screens.
It's going to be really dope.
Come and kick it with your boys.
Ed and I will be there, Alex.
Ed and I will be in there spinning as well.
It's going to be fun.
It's going to be an asshole
filled night.
We're all going to watch
the game together
and we're probably going to do
more of these things
in the future.
Where can I get tickets?
You can get tickets on
Eventbrite in my bio
and Akash's, Andrew's, everybody.
But we'll tweet the link out.
It's in the Patreon.
It's in the Discord.
It's everywhere.
So just pull up to Vinyl
On Wednesday, June 5th
At 7 o'clock
So the game
So the game starts at 8
And again, let me clear this up
7 to 8
Tito's is sponsoring some free drinks
It's just Tito's
Don't get so fucked up you get kicked out
You're gonna get kicked out. You could get kicked out.
We've had to do this in the past.
Vinyl got some real security too that will get you the fuck
out of here quick. That's it. Very quick. Okay?
Make sure you know
what you're doing. Make sure you can control yourself.
Come hang out with your boys. Go get tickets.
The tickets are what? Ten bucks? Ten bucks. It's nothing.
Do you know why we have tickets? So that motherfuckers
that should be there
will be there. Absolutely.
Okay, that's what you do.
And last I looked, we were half sold out already.
So by the time this drops tomorrow, I'm sure it'll be done.
So I would go very quickly.
Go very quickly.
Go get that shit.
Watch it.
This is the Flavor Finals.
We've been doing this.
Well, we did this last year, but we're going to do this every single year. Second annual.
Second annual Flavor Finals.
Now, there's something I want to add.
I don't know how to add it, and I know it's illegal.
But I want to add. I don't know how to add it, and I know it's illegal. But I want to add gambling.
I don't know how to do it, but I want to add a gambling element to this.
I want to have a bookie that we run, a bookkeeping service that we run.
I don't know how to do it, and I can't do it because I know I'll just lose all the money
because I'm sure that there's amountsounts that you have to do a spread
And all these different types of bets
But I want to essentially be a bookie for these parties
Because we'll do these parties around these big events
And I think it'd be very cool
For people to gamble
But also find interesting weird shit to gamble about
As well
Prop bets
Is that what they're called?
So if there's any of you
That are very well informed
About gambling
And you'd like to help explain
And maybe lend a hand
And maybe run it for us
Reach out
And let's cook up something cool
Take some side bets
Yeah
It is wildly illegal
What we're
You know
Saying that we're going to do here
I'm aware of that
But I think it'd be
A very cool thing
For this intimate Community based party That we're throwing Again We're only going to do here. I'm aware of that, but I think it'd be a very cool thing for this intimate community-based party
that we're throwing.
Again, we're only going to be 125 people in there,
something like that.
And as these parties expand,
maybe they grow,
but we're going to add a casino element to this shit.
Maybe it's not this time.
Maybe it's the next time,
but we need someone to help us with it.
So let's do some illegal shit.
Let's do it.
I think it's also important
that we pay some bills out here, bro.
God, we got so many bills. You know, because the army supports it I think it's also important that we pay some bills out here bro how we got so many bills you know because the army support I love it
this isn't very spitting a very fitting sponsors today absolutely we have
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sue.
Back to this finals talk.
Talk to me.
I think the Klay Thompson injury is a big deal.
I think, first of all, it's hilarious that he got it flopping.
I think that's so fucking perfect.
Not just for the Warriors who flop.
Every star flops.
Watching Steph jump into fucking whoever and try to draw fouls all game was infuriating.
And then seeing a player get injured flopping.
The whole league needs to see
this. Every star.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He only
has himself to blame. He literally kicked
his leg out so that he could get
a foul. It didn't hit, so
his legs were spread. And then when he landed,
he did like a split, and then he pulled
his hammy in that way. And to be honest with you,
I don't think he's going to be ready.
A hamstring? I know football
better than I know basketball, and I know they're very
different sports, but football, a hamstring
is a real fucking problem. Keeps you out
weeks. Because even when you think it's
good, you aggravate it constantly.
Like, the Cowboys always
have hamstring injuries, and the players always
aggravate it. They take a few weeks off, three weeks off even.
They come back for a game, aggravate it.
I know different muscles, I know all of that.
But I do know hamstrings are tricky
from, that's my understanding, in a different sport.
Even if he does come back, man, like, he's
got to guard Kawhi.
He's got to run around screens a lot. Like, you're not going to
get, you're not getting that burst off the leg with
a bum hammy. And even if he's not guarding
Kawhi, he's guarding, what, Danny Green?
And if I'm Nick Nurse, I have
Danny Green running everywhere. I mean, Danny Green is like a homeless Clay Thompson. Like, the way they play, he's guarding what? Danny Green? And if I'm Nick Nurse, I have Danny Green running everywhere.
Yeah, Danny Green
is like a homeless Clay Thompson.
The way they play
is not nearly as effective,
but as far as offensive,
the way they run him,
just off a million screens,
getting corner threes
and all that shit.
Homeless Clay Thompson
is perfect.
Same shit.
I would keep my most
physically fit
shooting guard
swing position
on the court at all times.
So whether it's Iggy
or Clay,
we are running them ragged on weak muscles.
Just constantly, nonstop going.
All this being said,
I feel like the Warriors win game three.
I think this is a game that Steph has.
I think this is,
the stage is fucking set for Steph to have
that fucking game that we've all wanted him to have
in the finals,
or I've all been waiting for him to have
in the finals.
A 40-slash-50-slash game.
I'm not shocked by it.
I wouldn't be that surprised if that happened, I'll be honest.
Even with a depleted team, I wouldn't be that surprised if they lost that game.
I just think that the Raps get out of there with one or two.
Yeah, I think so, too.
I think they split the first four, and then Warriors go to Toronto, lose one,
lose one, and they lose the chip at home.
And they shut down Oracle after that.
That would make me so happy
that you left
the most loyal fan base
arguably in basketball
outside of Toronto
forgot
it'll be the last game
in Oracle
and
for what they did
to Kawhi's ankle
two years ago
Kawhi shuts down
the arena
wow
and that's the game
that would make me
so happy
I don't know
that it happens like that
but that would make me so happy.
It'll be poetic justice.
I forgot that it goes back and forth like that.
Yeah, it's 5-6-7.
It will be 6-6.
That's so stupid.
Yeah.
No, it's better than it was before when it was fucking two games and three in the middle.
And then it was the last two at home.
That sucked.
Why?
Because if you won one of the first ones, then you have the home court advantage.
Yeah.
I guess that makes sense.
Yeah, I just hate all that extra travel.
And they only did that because, like...
They love milking it, stretching the shit out.
They only did that because all, like,
the Eastern Conference teams were, like,
all the way in the East,
and there was, like, the Lakers.
So it was, like, the travel schedules were brutal.
So that's why they did it like that.
But it's basically the same thing
from the Bay to Toronto
so
yeah
we all saw the
the Clay video
where he comes out
and talks shit to Drake
it's pretty funny
beautiful
we're talking a lot now
are you Aubrey?
you bum ass
it's funny because
he's so not good at trash talk
but like
he seemed effective
like
I liked it
he went out there after him
and he's like
you lucky I popped my hammy
otherwise it would have been worse
like I liked it
and Drake was like you're playing a good game you're playing a good game and he was like, you lucky I popped my hammy. Otherwise, it would have been more like, I liked it. He said that?
Drake was like, you're playing a good game.
You're playing a good game.
And he was like, yeah, that was light, too.
He said that was light work.
That was light work.
You lucky I popped my hammy.
That's light work.
Drake was just like, it's okay.
It's still one-to-one.
Like, Drake is just, it's just a funny, corny, light-skinned trash talk exchange.
But it's still funny and like, I like the fucking, yo, fuck you.
Yeah, it was beautiful
and that trash talk
kind of makes me think
cause KD was waiting for Drake
Drake was deep down there
yeah KD waiting for him
KD didn't even say shit
no no
he was talking
he was saying something
quietly that we didn't hear
whatever it was
whether it was good or bad
I don't know
but he was talking quietly
he was just doing like
yeah I was like
alright we'll see you in the bay
he's like alright
alright
and then
that's what makes me think
KD's gonna be
he's gonna play
I think he's gonna be ready to go. I think he's going to be ready
to go. I think he's going to be
I think he plays in one of those games in Golden State.
We're seeing KD likely back
for game three or four, which makes me think
game four, they're saying is likely.
They're just saying that
so that Toronto wastes time preparing.
No different than football where they're like, yeah,
we think he's going to play.
In my experience, it's always questionable.
Never probable.
The probable always means they're going to play.
Questionable means, well, we don't know.
We'll see.
It's all games.
That being said, when betting becomes legal, this is all going to change.
Would it be legal?
What is that?
No, but when it becomes legal and sanctioned by the league, you're not going to be able to lie about injuries
because those injuries could drastically affect the line
and they could affect the spread.
So that whole game of coaches pretending someone's injured
or saying somebody isn't and then they're not playing,
when you've got a million dollars on the line,
when Vegas got a million dollars on the line
or millions of dollars on the line,
it's like, no, we're not gonna do that
Steve Kerr
you might get dudes
pulled up on
over some shit like that
isn't that the same thing
football does
what do you mean
Patriots do it all the time
yeah but it's not legal
to gamble on it
Tom Brady's been on
the fucking injured list
for like 12 years
yeah that's what I think
you're saying
like probable like
worst or some shit
see you in the Bay Aubrey
with your bum ass
that's the play line
see you in the Bay Aubrey
with your bum ass and he like enunciates it. See you in the Bay, Aubrey, with your bum ass.
And he like enunciates it.
It's so funny, man.
Wasn't talking today.
Wasn't talking today.
Yo, KD's ankles are so skinny, man.
Like when he walks around
in those little high water sweats.
Yeah, the tech police shit.
It's shocking he's athletic.
Doesn't he look so Somali?
But you were just talking
about wiry strength.
That's what he has.
I know, it's still shocking.
Like, when you look at Anthony Joshua,
you're like, oh, that's a fighter.
When you look at, you know, Tommy Hearns,
you're not like, oh, that's a fighter.
It's just shocking.
What I'm saying is Anthony Joshua looks like a better fighter
than he actually is capable of because of his physique.
And the same thing with KD.
Like, you look at KD's ankles,
you're like, there's no way he could do a crossover.
He'll just break his whole shit in half.
But he is A skinny
Wiry guy
Yeah
Strength though
There's a lot of strength in those
In that wire
Apparently
Yeah
It's kind of like fucking
It's like fucking cable wires
Like they look like they're fucking weak
But you pull them shits
Like three of those
Or four of those together
And it's strong as fuck
Look how skinny those
Like a kendo stick.
Like those fucking Singapore canes and shit.
Yeah.
His thighs and calves are the same size.
Yeah.
He's really crazy.
Yeah.
He looks like a Tim Burton character.
Doesn't he?
What was that movie?
A Nightmare Before Christmas?
No, Slender Man.
That was the movie.
He's Slender Man, dude.
That's what they tried to nickname him.
They did?
Yeah, Slender Man and Slim Reaper.
Slim Reaper. See, I'm so mad he didn't run with Slim Reaper
He didn't run it
Slim Reaper was such a fire fucking nickname
What stupid ass nickname did he want?
The Servant
The Servant
Oh like a god?
Religious shit
Yeah I was like why would you do that?
But Slim Reaper was such a fire fucking nickname
I like the Pegasus personally
I think it's a great nickname
Pegasus
You know he's graceful
Floats about the Pegasus Are we know, he's graceful, floats about the Pegasus.
Are we going to talk
about this lawsuit?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
This might affect him
during the finals.
You think so?
Kawhi?
He got his people
handling that.
Kawhi's a robot.
Don't come near that shit.
Listen.
When they say Kawhi's
and they mean Kawhi's people.
Yeah.
He probably doesn't have no idea.
He probably just saw this
with all of us like,
damn, I guess I'm suing him.
Let's be honest.
Right?
You want to get the most traction in a lawsuit so you can settle outside of court.
They're not really going to fucking court over this.
So if I'm Kawhi's lawyer and I know the entire world is watching Kawhi Leonard right now because it's the finals,
I have this lawsuit ready to go for months.
Oh, you're telling me I could drop it
During the finals
Hells fucking yes
Let's go
So this is complete strategy by his team
That he has no
I mean maybe he's on board with him
And saying okay you can do this
But this is strategy man
And I bet New Balance is involved in it as well
Why not New Balance is like hey this would be the right time
Use these lawyers
did you see their
billboard outside of Toronto I mean outside of
Oracle yeah what did it say
there's a picture of him in fucking Times New Roman
font and it said like X on
Orlando X on Milwaukee
X on whoever they played
the Sixers X on Milwaukee
it said the king of the north is coming like right
over fucking Oracle
did y'all see the picture well I The Sixers X on Milwaukee is that the king of the north is coming like right over fucking Oracle
Did y'all see the picture well I sent it to you guys, but if you go to Steph Curry and his postgame interview, oh
Keeping a real fucking tight keeping it flagrant that has trading bro and everywhere. Okay everywhere
I can't what you think it looks like that's that's the fucking keep it tight sign. Oh, that's flagrant too, bro.
Big fan.
Steph's a big fan.
Big fan.
We're Illuminati, bro.
We the ass Illuminati.
We everywhere.
This is our sign, and this is flagrant motherfucking too, and Steph out there.
And you know what?
Steph is part of the army, and if he is, we accept him.
We're radically inclusive over here at flagrant too.
Still root against him, but we accept him.
Oh, absolutely.
I'm only rooting for your post game.
You know what? You ain't wearing that hat during the game if you weren't during
the game worries in five
real talk bro real talk look how cool boogie cousins is that's a cool motherfucker
pulling the whole thing off looks Looks like the Fresh Prince, but it's scary.
Yo, he really killed it.
That fit, the glasses.
He looks like Hunter S. Thompson.
The Fresh Crip of Bel-Air.
The Fresh Crip of Bel-Air.
So dope, man.
So dope.
Marcus Buzzins.
Marcus Buzzins. Oh, man. So dope, man. So dope. Anyway. DeMarcus Buzzins. DeMarcus Buzzins.
Oh, man.
Let me ask you this.
Last two things that aren't necessarily next year related.
Yeah.
Kawhi limping.
Is it an injury or is it the shit from last year flaring up?
Because I remember last year, whatever quadriceps thing he had, it was a limp on his left leg.
And I feel like that's a leg he's limping on.
I think it's tendonitis Okay
Which is scary
If you're gonna sign him
To a max deal
You gotta sign him
But like that's a thing
That comes back
I think it's tendonitis
And this is one thing
You gotta worry about
If you sign him
Called Kawhi
You know he's not playing
All of these two games
You know they're gonna
Have load management
So like you're signing him
For like 60 something games
But you sign him for 60
Because you only need
55 to make the playoffs
Right or less
But I think I think it'sitis, and I think it's just something they're going to have to manage,
and they're going to have to work it every single day.
And that's the pain in the ass about traveling is when you travel,
you lose a whole day of working on Kawhi,
and you lose a whole day of working on any players you have that are injured.
When you're playing at home, the best thing that could have happened for the Warriors
is that they were struggling after that first game
and then they had three days in Toronto to get right.
Now you've got, what is it?
They've got two days.
Well, no, the game was yesterday.
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.
So the game was yesterday, and then one, two,
and then the game is the third day.
So you lose one of those days in travel.
We're talking about it's a six-hour flight
plus three-hour time difference.
Oh no, you get three hours back.
So you lose a half day.
And you lose a half day with them sitting down
in a fucking...
He's probably getting worked on on that charter flight.
How much work can you get?
When you look at NBA airplanes,
you've seen the players in the airplane. It don look that spacious it's not that luxurious it's like
maybe they got some economy plus but i'm not seeing them laid out they're not sleeping
it's not sleepers but they take like they take like a bunch of seats out of a regular plane
or something like that there's enough room for legs but it's not like they're getting work done
it's not like there's a massage table in the back where they're getting it which is all he should be doing i don't know why that doesn't exist in every team like mark cuban well it's not like they're getting work done. It's not like there's a massage table in the back where they're getting it, which is all he should be doing.
I don't know why that doesn't exist in every team.
Like Mark Cuban. Well, it's a cross-country flight, so
if they know they're going to be on the plane for about
six plus hours, I'm springing
for the big fucking plane so people can get worked on.
Well, they have their own jet.
And they do have their own jet.
They do have their own plane, but what I would do
if, like you were saying with Mark Cuban,
is like, what you probably should do is
have a jet and instead of that room in the back
that people would put a bed,
put a physical therapy
room in the back of it. Have a bunch of places
where people get stretched out, people get work done
because sitting in that seat ain't gonna do anything
good for that tendonitis. Work it.
Get you in that cryotherapy machine
or whatever the fuck that is.
I don't know.
All I'm saying is this first game,
I don't think it's going to be good.
I think you're going to get
some ugly basketball.
Oh, yeah.
You're going to get some ugly basketball.
That's why I say
with all those injuries,
the only person who should be good to go
by that game is Steph.
Like, the table is set
for him to have a monster fucking game.
And if he doesn't,
that is going to get hot for him. Yeah, that is going to get hot for him.
It's going to get hot for him. Because then it's like, we're waiting
on KD, and if KD is
60% when he gets back,
it gets shaky.
And you know who's actually not getting
enough smoke at all?
Kyle Lowry and Marc Gasol.
We got off the Kyle Lowry smoke situation
because he made it to the finals, right?
And he played well.
All he did was take some big charges.
They were big.
Which is what he does.
Listen, that's what he does.
And he's effective.
He got a couple charges, I think, in game two as well.
And defensively, you're like, okay, he's hooping.
And he's getting the ball around and things.
But then you look at his stat line, you're like, huh?
If he doesn't have at least...
I think he needs at least two good games to win the series.
Points-wise.
100%.
At least two.
And Fred Van Vliet's been carrying them offensively as well.
He didn't shoot as well as he did last year.
If they win this series, you're going to take his second son
and make him the motherfucking piece of the city?
He was struggling before this little boy was born.
That boy got to sit up at the fucking draft lottery like the kid from Cats.
No, Van Vliet is balling, and he has high IQ, and he's, like, you can tell.
I think in the playoffs, when the buttholes get tight, you need high basketball IQ.
Winning basketball.
He played for Wichita State.
Like, they won.
They went to the Final Four.
Mid-major team.
Like, that shit comes into play when it comes deep in the playoffs.
But he's aware of, like, what he's doing.
Like, you can really see certain guys out there.
Like, there's a guy who's incredibly athletic.
His name is Norman Powell.
But very average basketball IQ.
He gets caught up in the momentum
of the game. He'll drive to the basket
recklessly without knowing really what to do. Jump in the
air, then hopefully find a pass. He's
taking poor shots. Sometimes they land, sometimes
they don't. But that's a situation
where as shitty
as Marc Gasol is playing, his
basketball IQ is elite.
He had a good game one, Gasol.
20 points.
Yeah, but game two, yeah.
Game two, he outplayed him.
Boogie bodied him, right?
So game two, shitty-ass game, but he's not going to make mistakes.
Like Kawhi, even though he had a quiet 30 and he had a couple turnovers,
he has elite basketball IQ.
Kawhi will get to the basket, but he won't leave his feet
unless he knows where the ball is going.
A guy like Powell, and there was one point where they yanked him out of the game that brought Kyle back in,
and then Kyle ends up fouling out.
But a guy like him, I don't know, man.
I'm limited minutes.
That game was lost in the third quarter.
When they went on that 20-something run.
And if they don't have the answer for the third quarter Warriors,
who people said is like the 31st team in the NBA because they're completely different,
if they don't have an answer for the third quarter Warriors, they have no chance.
It's a game of runs.
Basketball is a game of runs.
You have to be able to withstand runs from each team.
And that's something that a lot of people watch in the game.
They aren't familiar with basketball, often comment on, and they go,
oh, here come the Warriors.
No, no, this is here comes a team.
The Raptors are going to make a run.
The Warriors are going to make a run.
It's a game of runs.
You just want to make sure you make the last run.
And the Raptors did.
The Raptors made the last run, and they got beaten.
To be honest, they got beaten to be honest they got beaten
by a three
by a guy you want
taking the three
if Iggy misses that shot
they're down two
with five seconds left
with the most clutch
player in the league
right now
they're at least
getting a foul
on home court
they're at least
getting a foul
you're going to get a foul
or you're going to get
a good shot
we'll watch game three together on Wednesday if you're going to get a foul or you're going to get a good shot. Well, we'll watch Game 3 together
on Wednesday if you're listening to this today
on Tuesday. Guys, thank
you so much for listening. This has been another episode
of Flagrant 2. Pull up to vinyl, man.
I want to see all you New Yorkers, bro. Go get them tickets right
now, real quick.
And that is all. Peace. God bless.