Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - The Worst Type Of 3Some w/ Adam22
Episode Date: October 22, 2019This week Andrew, Akaash and Kaz are joined by special guest Adam22 from No Jumper Podcast to discuss: XXXTentacion, cum hotdogs, scheduling 3somes, Combat Jack eating salad, top 5 black people and mu...ch more. INDULGE!!! Want to hear an extra episode a week? Become a Patron! www.Patreon.com/FLAGRANT2
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What up, everybody?
Flagrant 2, another episode, new opening.
I'm Andrew Schultz.
I'm here with Akash Singh, Real Life Kaz, and Alex Media,
but we don't even need to do those introductions
because you click the link, you know who the fuck we are.
Some of y'all see that we have my man Adam
from No Jumper Podcast, No Jumper Productions,
No Jumper Pornography, No Jumper Everything
on the podcast today.
That interview starts in about an hour and change.
So if you don't give a fuck about what we got to say, you could just fast forward right
to that.
But if you like to indulge in the flagrancy, we have a lot of it this week.
Trust me.
We almost hit Patreon levels.
Alex had to, Alex really had to calm us down for a moment.
He really had to realist in.
Thank you so much.
We appreciate you.
Without further ado, let's start the episode.
And here it is.
Flagrant 2.
Keep it tight.
What's up, everybody?
Flagrant 2 has begun.
Different intro today.
A lot of energy.
A lot of energy.
Energy is shifting.
We don't need to introduce ourselves. You know who the fuck we are.
You clicked on the goddamn link.
It's a big dick intro. That's right.
Spread these legs. They uncrossed.
I'm not letting women
bully me into taking less space.
Taking the exact amount of space
God wanted me to take.
Put my dick and balls in between my legs
So I could man spread
I'm fucking ready
I'm ready for some flagrancy
I got my take
As you sit on a pillow for your hemorrhoids
You can't be tough with a hemorrhoid pillow
My hemi's gone
But it's so comfy bro
Once you have the hemi pillow Once you have the hemi pillow
Once you have the hemi pillow
In your life
You can't go back
But you know what it is though
It's like a bidet
You know what I mean
I be wiping my ass now
With dry fucking toilet paper
I'm like yo
Poor people suck
That's how I feel
I just took a shit
And I felt so bad
That I can't properly
Clean my ass
Yo you know what you gotta do
I clean my ass like peasants
Dude it's
It's pathetic
I'm not King's Landing In my ass you know what you gotta do? I clean my ass like peasants. Dude, it's pathetic.
I'm not King's Landing in my ass.
You know what you gotta do?
You gotta spit on the toilet paper and get a little moist.
Nah, man.
See, I got long arms, though,
so a lot of times my toilet...
How deep you getting in your asshole?
No, my toilet...
No, my toilet can reach...
It's right about time I get to the wrist.
What's into my wrist watch? I'm like, yeah, maybe I should pull out a little bit.
That's the only reason why you got the watch?
It's a buffer?
You're like, okay, calm down.
It's a marker.
It's only Monday.
Oh, gosh.
No, I reached the faucet, give it a little dab.
Give it a little dab with the toilet paper.
Boom.
Not in this bathroom, though.
You got to make them wet wipes, bro.
I'll take a little toilet paper residue if I get some extra cruds out of there.
Extra nuggets.
It's supposed to be drying up if you don't stick it.
And then you got to just dry ass fucking.
What's that?
I stole mad hospital wet wipes.
Yeah, you got to do it.
Get your money's worth, man.
You pay for healthcare.
Hospital quality wet wipes.
The best.
The best.
They don't tear. Here's my flagrant thought of the week. healthcare hospital quality what wife like the best real size the best all right hair i got here's
my flagrant thought of the week it's actually a little bit old but i'm gonna i'm gonna run it by
you guys because i don't know if we spoke about on this podcast maybe we did i'm not sure but it
did we talk about how in south korea uh okay so in south korea this doctor aborted the wrong baby
oh fuck yo yeah yeah so it was, it was actually kind of crazy.
Like there was two women went in.
One went in to have the baby.
The other went in to have the abortion.
And like-
Wait, they do that in the same place?
Son, yeah, yeah.
At the hospital.
Wow.
Are you allowed to get abortions that late?
No, no, no.
I guess it was just there.
Like one was just checking.
No, not have the baby.
Sorry.
One was there to just get her checkup.
And the other one was there to get the abortion.
And the doctor aborted her own baby.
And the headline of the article was like, oh, my God, how could this happen?
And then I'm looking at like.
Yeah.
I can see how mistakes could be made in that particular part of the world.
I'm just throwing that out there.
They can't even tell.
They can't tell.
Y'all not going to be upset at us for mixing it up no more, bro.
My man really looked at two women and was like, all right.
That works.
Fuck.
Seems this all checks out.
Yo, that was my flagrant thought of the week.
Goddamn.
My flagrant thought of the week?
Goddamn.
Fucking Ray J.
Whoa.
What was this?
Ray J.
Proud sponsor of this podcast.
Proud sponsor of this podcast.
Still need to pay up, by the way.
Still needs to pay up.
But I'm sure he will because Ray J is
probably one of the greatest living black
Americans. Okay.
One of the greatest living
black Americans.
Let's fucking start it off.
Boom. Someone give him a boulevard.
Let's start it off.
You're not a great black American
unless you got a boulevard. Oh, he will.
He runs Compton.
He was the first blood.
He was the first blood on record.
Really?
Yes.
He was the first blood to like, he was the first singer to claim blood on record.
That's a fact.
That's an absolute fact.
Before that, Ray J.
Ray J Boulevard runs right through Kim Kardashian's driveway.
Dog, think of all the greatness
Ray J has given us
Okay
He's given us
The Kardashians
The Kardashians
Right
Brandy's brother
Moesha
Fucking
Those scooters and shit
Raycon headphones
Alright
He didn't give us Moesha
He didn't give us Moesha
Brandy gave us Moesha
Brandy gave us Ray J
Yeah Brandy really is the goat
When you think about it
But think about it though
Like who's really lasted longer Who's really stayed out The public eye Like Ray J. Yeah, Brandy really is the GOAT when you think about it. But think about it, though.
Who's really lasted longer?
Who's really stayed out the public eye?
Like, Ray J didn't run. Brandy had to stay out the public eye.
That's something that Ray J did.
He was a better driver, clearly.
Bro, like, think about it.
Floyd Mayweather, you know what I'm saying?
Like, classic moments in black culture.
Wait, what happened with Floyd?
You ever see a 24-7
where Ray J's singing
on his piano?
Fucking weak ass voice.
You don't remember this?
No, I forgot this.
And he made fabulous
and he poked fabulous
on the breakfast club
talking mad shit
and made him apologize
in front of everybody.
Wait, he did?
Yeah, I don't remember this.
I don't remember that.
No, he called
this is a classic moment
in breakfast.
Alex, you remember this shit.
Yeah, but I don't remember Fab apologizing.
I remember Ray J sounding like an idiot because he was coked up during the interview.
Listen, all I know is-
Really?
Yeah, he was crazy coked up.
All I know, yo, Ray J was talking this-
The only thing I know about Ray J is his dick, bro.
I've ever seen-
I know that shit's so good.
Just him and Rick.
I just like ours.
I was going to say, who's-
I like ours.
Honestly, Rick's dick could fit inside Ray J's dick.
You want to talk about docking.
Bro, motherfucker could deep dock.
Dude, Rick's dick could fit inside Ray J's dick hole and then go to the balls.
Guaranteed.
What, bro?
It's like a trombone.
I'll say all that to say.
News came out this week that Suge Knight has given his life rights to Ray J.
In other words, Ray J can produce a movie, a play.
Whatever he wants.
Wow.
Whatever he wants.
Wow.
Suge Knight has been through so much shit killed so many well allegedly if ray j really
care about the black community you know what he produced evidence that's what he's produced on
suge but you don't know you don't know man ray j i've never been once without ray j and his
greatness yeah you know i mean like for almost what 25 years he stayed irrelevant? My God. With no talent.
He's the greatest black American.
He's one of the greatest living black Americans of our time.
Okay, give me your top five greatest black Americans.
Let's do it.
Living black Americans.
All right, we got it.
Go.
Barack Obama.
Okay.
Oprah Winfrey.
Oprah Winfrey.
Solid.
Tyler Perry.
Tyler Perry.
Tyler Perry's in there.
TP.
You got to put TP in there.
You got to put Tyler Perry in there, bro. Okay. Ray J. Ray J. Tyler Perry's in there. TP. You got to put TP in there. You got to put Tyler Perry in there, bro.
Okay.
Ray J.
Ray J.
Maya Angelou.
Above J.
Ray J.
No, I'm just kidding.
Ray J did more with less.
Ray J has done a lot with less.
Ray J did more with less.
If you're going by the Tom Brady system of like, you know, Jay-Z's like Tom Brady.
It's like, all right, you're in a great system.
No.
Great artist. Great wife. Great fucking all this other shit. Ray J's the Tom Brady system of like, Jay-Z's like Tom Brady. It's like, all right, you're in a great system, great artist, great wife, great fucking all this other shit. Ray J's the Tom Brady?
Ray J's like the Patrick Mahomes, bro.
Hold up.
Jay is the natural ability, natural skill,
whereas Ray J doesn't have the natural ability or skill
but has done so much because...
I don't even know if you can give him the Patriots system.
He kind of did it without any.
You know, he was more like.
Ray J, Trent Dilfer.
Real talk.
Real talk.
Ray J is a Trent Dilfer.
You don't know how he did it.
He got rings.
When you look at the record book, he's got a Super Bowl under his belt, bro.
Maybe Eli.
He's like, maybe, maybe.
Yeah, dude, he's done it with no system.
Ray J is the Eli Manning. No support. No talent like, maybe. Maybe. Yeah, dude. He's done it with no system, no support,
no talent,
no real talent when you think about it.
He's the Eli Manning of Black Man, yo.
Yo, he's the Eli Manning
of Black Man, bro.
Just a
lesser known brother.
A lesser known brother.
May or may not be retarded.
Somehow manages to outlast his sibling.
But when you look at the record books, it's like, yo, he's got his championships.
Ray J was here, yo.
He left his mark.
He's got his moments.
It's like when you look at the Hall of Fame, you say, Eli, man, he's a Hall of Famer.
The first thing you say is like, no.
And then you go, whoa.
But then you look at it, it's like, damn, he's really.
He might be a Hall of Famer, bro.
That's Ray J, bro.
Eli Ray J.
That's so funny.
Ray J, bro. Eli Ray J. That's so funny. Ray J Manning.
Yo, there's not a weaker voice in a hit song than him singing One Wish.
That shit was amazing.
If I had one wish, it would be best friends.
Still went number one, though.
It went number one.
It just slapped.
I wish somebody else sang it because it slapped so fucking hard.
Hold on, I got to get this up.
Oh, man.
I would, if I get one.
He's not even singing.
He's just like talking rhythmically.
What was the song with Lil' Kim?
Wait a minute.
Da-da-da-da-da-da.
Yo, bro.
Wait a minute.
It went hard.
Dang it.
Dang it, yo.
You kidding me?
He was one of the first singers on Pharrell Beats, on Neptune Beats, bro.
Yo.
Come on, man.
Give Ray J his props.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Ray J is at least 20 years old. Still sl bro. Come on, man. Give Ray J his props. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
It's at least 20 years old.
Still slaps.
Hold on.
We got to kind of talk through it
because we don't want to get flagged.
Talk about it.
Is this the actual walk-in show?
He had another joint that slapped death with a hip slap.
Yo, hold up.
I hit it first?
Hold on.
I got to give credit.
I got to give credit to the Joe Budden podcast.
Yes.
I saw a clip on YouTube, and I was howling.
It was Joe Budden making fun of designer.
Remember that song, Timmy Turner?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But he was going, Willie, Willie, Willie Wonka.
He'd be making all the chocolate.
My son, that shit had me fucking dying, bro.
Oh, shit.
Oh, my God.
Bro, it's like a five to eight minute clip of him just doing Willy Wonka instead of Timmy
Turner, bro.
Oh, my God. You should playmy Turner bro he be wearing
the romper
sounding just like
hooky monster
Timmy Turner
slap though
yo
Desiigner had a little
wave
I love Timmy Turner
yeah
but after listening
to that song
I'll never listen
to that shit
the same again bro
the actual song wasn't even good.
Like, the XXL freestyle with no beat, and he's just kind of sitting there by himself.
I'm like, this is fantastic.
Fire.
And then the song came out.
The song comes out, and I'm like, all right.
It felt too intimate.
It was like, it's just you and designer.
Yeah.
Like, in a room together, you're like.
Your echo's in the back.
Hey, what's going on here?
Who produced this?
It was great.
Okay, back to Ray J.
Yeah, Ray J the GOAT, the greatest.
All right, keep going.
One of my greatest.
Do you think it would pick it up from here, Alex?
No.
Oh, that's the weird version.
That's not the real version
Now I gotta go to the remix
Eight years ago, that's not like you don't know you're thinking a sexy can I Yo, Ray J the best black man ever. Real talk.
Beat it, Obama.
Beat it, Oprah.
Oprah, you ain't got no hats.
You ain't selling no scullies.
Vince Staples never lied, man.
He's selling sunglasses, headphones.
Real talk, I don't fuck with Oprah.
That bitch has an ugly Beyonce to me.
Wow.
Wow.
Speak on it.
Is that your flagrant thought of the week?
Yo you know what
I guess that's it
Fuck Oprah yo
Wow
Fuck Oprah dog
Okay break it down
Why?
You gotta stop laughing
You're right
We just decide this bitch the truth
And for what?
She the truth bro
Just say black lady
She the truth
Just say black lady
Yo yo
Go on go on
Convince me
I'm not knocking you
Just convince me Cause right now I'm not knocking you.
Just convince me.
Because right now, I'm not convinced.
You're convinced that Ray J is one of the greatest living black Americans.
First of all- Ray J, this is the greatest black Americans ever in history.
George Washington Carver.
Hold on, let's be honest.
Number one.
Yo, number one, George Washington Carver.
Peanut butter of rich.
Yo, let's be honest. How many of y'all use peanut butter Washington Carver. Peanut butter off Rick. Yo, let's be honest.
How many of y'all use peanut butter?
How versatile is peanut butter, bro?
Even white people, they're racist as fuck.
We're like, nah, that motherfucker makes some good peanut butter.
Put that on your toes, bro.
Real talk.
Jelly ain't shit without George Washington Carver.
How many racist white people just having jelly sandwiches?
Right?
No.
How do we give him that much credit just for putting peanuts in his mouth and chewing?
It's like, oh.
Peanut butter. Nobody else did. That's what he did. Nobody in the booth is that simple. we give him that much credit just for putting peanuts in his mouth and chewing it's like oh peanut butter and jelly son peanut butter and jelly that's the greatest motherfucking sandwich ever it's so great like even the racists when they eat it they're like i know what the n stands for
he had a little for everybody
because if you think about it it goes peanut butter
okay so so back to what we're talking about we have number one george washington carver boom George Washington Carver Boom Okay Offer it Number two OJ
Bro
Let's talk about it
Let's talk about it
Yo
Legend
Okay
Number two
Okay
Number one
George Washington Carver
Number two
OJ
Number three
Abraham Lincoln
Number four
Who's number four?
Abe Lincoln
Abe Lincoln definitely Fourth greatest black man In Lincoln. Number four? Who's number four? Abe Lincoln. Abe Lincoln, definitely fourth greatest black man in American history.
Number four.
Brad.
Damn.
If Tiger wins, one more master?
Tiger wins?
If Tiger wins, one more master.
It's weird that you just call it master.
Isn't it?
Especially in reference to Tiger.
It's master.
You sound mad uncomfortable
When you say Tiger gets a master
You realize
I said peanut butter three times
He turned into
It's like slay beetle juice
Peanut butter
Peanut butter
Peanut butter
That's fucking candy man
For black people
He's a
He's a
If Tiger Woods
Wins another master I swear to God He might be the greatest I've ever seen before.
I always got some Southern accent I've never heard of in my life.
Wow.
I'm like, is that Chico Bean, bro?
Where did that accent come from, dog?
Tiger Woods getting another Massa.
Those mad consonants you just forgot.
He wins another master.
What if that was like the rebranding of the tournament?
If Tiger wins another master, we're going to be able to stay out late tonight.
We need to go to the big house.
We need to go to the big house.
If Tiger wins one more Massa, apparently it's only four barrels of carbon we have to pick.
The Massas.
Did he give you a brown jacket?
Say what?
Some burnt sienna.
Okay.
Oh, God.
So, and then number five.
We need number five.
Greatest black man in history.
Kobe. Kobe.
Kobe.
Russell Wilson.
Oh, Magic Johnson.
Oh, Snoop Dogg.
Oh, Magic Johnson.
All right, all right, all right.
Boom. All right, son. A black man invented peanut butter and the cure for AIDS. Magic Johnson Oh Snoop Dogg Magic Johnson Alright Boom
Son
A black man invented peanut butter
And the cure for AIDS
Right
A black man finally found a way
To make a white woman
Turn into a black woman
That's Tiger Woods
A black man
Got on
And left his white woman
For a black woman
When you heard When you heard That a woman chased down her boyfriend and beat him with a golf club,
there was a little part of you like, tired of dating black women again?
That's not a white woman activity.
A white woman drowned your kid, but she's not going to chase down a car with a fucking golf club.
Also, the bitch chased down a navigator.
You got gotta be fast
that's not nordic speed that's north carolina
that's knowledge
okay then number five number five uh i said snoop dogg and russell wilson
no magic magic okay so we have ge George Washington Carver. Number two is
you said it, OJ.
George Washington Carter, OJ.
Abraham Lincoln.
We gotta get Abe out of this.
Abraham Lincoln. We gotta get Abe out of this.
We don't want a retard. Abe's the first ally, B.
Why'd you call him a retard?
What? Dwarfism
or whatever the fuck he has, that's retardish.
He's huge. Are you talking about dwarves?
He's like 6'6". I thought you said he was retarded because he freed the slaves. What I dwarfism or whatever the fuck he has that's
Andre the giant people with that disease. It's against his own dad.
Yes, he did.
He did have a version of that. No, he didn't have a version.
It was 6'6".
Sonny had a version of that.
He wore the top hat.
He wasn't even that tall.
He was like 6'2".
He had a version of that.
Look it up.
Flagrant thought.
That's his flagrant thought.
Fuck out of here.
All right, let's go.
What else?
O'Briens shit?
Oh, yeah. Okay, so are we on your O'Briens shit? O'Briens shit. All right, go's go. What else? Oprah and shit? Oh, yeah.
Okay, so are we on
your Oprah and shit?
Oprah and shit.
All right, go.
That's your
flagrant thought of the week.
Hey, what did they say?
You judge a tree
by the fruit it bears, right?
What the fuck?
Good fruit.
All jokes aside,
here's what we're giving this.
Dr. Oz,
from what I understand,
he ain't talking about shit.
He a little scammy.
Dr. Phil, annoying.
No real talent,
not a therapist at all.
The doctor that killed
Kanye mama
that's a Oprah wreck
wow
Dr. Conrad
motherfucking whatever
killed MJ
that's a Oprah wreck
I'm just saying
at a certain point
you gotta start looking
at this lady like
what the fuck
are you really giving us
wow
Oprah really just
trying to get
Michael Jackson
out of here too
with that HBO documentary
Oprah produced
the fucking
this bitch
gotta go
how fucking dare you holy shit son Oprah killed yo and out of here too with that HBO documentary. Oprah produced the fucking, this bitch gotta go.
How fucking dare you?
Holy shit, son.
Oprah killed Emily.
Yo.
Oh, just because you boring,
you gotta get out Thriller?
Just because there ain't no suspense in your show.
Oprah killed fucking MJ, son.
Dude, Oprah's like
white Hillary Clinton.
Yo.
She got bodies, bro.
I didn't think I had a case
when I started.
I just knew in my gut
I didn't like this bitch.
And I'll tell you now, it's facts.
It's starting to...
But what about the school she made in Africa?
Everybody be making schools.
LeBron got a school.
Big fucking deal.
LeBron made a pretty cool school.
It's a great school.
LeBron got a school in Ohio.
This bitch paid $1,000 to get a school made in Africa.
That's cheap as fuck, making a school in Africa.
You know what the exchange rate is?
On whatever the fuck
currency they use?
Fucking buffalo hides
or whatever.
What kind of zebra skin
y'all taking for currency, huh?
That shit is dumb cheap,
this bitch.
You make a compelling case,
I must say.
Okay.
I don't agree with you,
but I'll defend your right
to say it. So Oprah's out of here
You keep standing in a fucking cage
She fucking gay
I won't tell nobody
Be proud of who you are
Oprah
It's 2019
We got transes now
Why are you so ashamed
To be a little gay
Do you think she's gay
I don't know probably
What's that gay shit about
I mean They're BFFs right You can't have friends Road dogs You don't think I don't know, probably What's that gay old shit about? I mean, they're BFFs, right?
You can't have friends?
Road dogs
You don't think they got friends?
I just don't ever see her and Stedman seem to be together
Stedman, like the greatest side piece
Side piece?
Yeah, he's kind of a side piece
I mean, I like the flagrancy
It's a good life
She had a good show, apparently
I never watched it.
Did you watch it?
No.
She gave away a bunch of cars and shit.
Yo, she really did bribe people into watching that shit.
That's what I'm saying, yo.
Just giving people cars.
I forgot who Chris Rock's at.
I think it was the kid that kicked the tax man off her ass.
That's why she kept giving shit all the way.
He's like, these motherfuckers are after me.
Damn.
I don't...
You make a compelling case.
What good fruit has this tree given us?
Mouse said this about Charlemagne.
Look at the fruit that Charlemagne has...
He gave us...
He helped out Andrew.
He helped out Kaz.
Andrew helped out me.
Andrew helped out Alex.
What is Oprah?
Where is her tree?
Where is the Oprah tree of success?
Catch me outside.
That was Dr. Phil.
Well, that's Dr. Crow. Yeah.
But that guy, he's not really helping nobody.
He's not a real doctor.
I mean.
Dr. Conrad Murray.
Dude in Atlanta.
Madea dude.
Tyler Perry.
That's good.
Wait, Oprah gave us Madea? It was bad at first, but then it.
I've been team Tyler since the beginning.
I'm team Titty Perry. Don't get me twisted.
Don't get that shit twisted.
I'm Titty Perry for life. That's what I'm saying. That's a good
contribution. That's Oprah?
Why is that Oprah?
She helped get Obama in office.
Help him start his platform.
To keep it all...
She'd be helping.
Did he bring on the show? I'm talking about people
she brought on the show. Who's the fat cook bitch?
Rachel Ray.
Big fucking deal, yo.
She don't slap like Martha Stewart in meal slaps.
Martha Stewart.
I got some great Rachel Ray cookware at home, though.
Okay, this is actually really fun.
That's great.
Okay, top five whites in American history.
Top five whites?
In American history.
Tiger Woods.
Living or dead?
Living whites. Top five whites in American history. Tiger Woods. Living or dead. Living whites.
Top five living whites.
OJ.
Okay.
Number five, Adam Silver.
Adam Silver.
Oh, God, no.
He's a top five white guy?
No.
Why is he not a top five white guy?
That's China shit.
I put him up before two weeks ago.
Two weeks?
Oh, jeez.
All right.
Fuck Adam Silver.
He had a case. Okay. Justin weeks? Oh, jeez. All right. Before this Chinese shit. He had a case.
Okay.
Justin Bieber.
Oh, Biebs, yo.
Biebs.
Justin Bieber, son.
There it is.
Hey.
Hey.
Top five white guys.
Jimmy Iovine.
I'll put Jimmy Iovine in there.
Top five white dudes.
Jimmy Iovine, all right. Sco Iovine in there. Top five white dudes. Jimmy Iovine, all right.
Scooter Braun.
Cool guy.
Fuck with him.
Hey.
Hey.
Sexy can.
Hit it from the front and hit it from the back.
And you like it like that.
Jams, man.
Come on, man.
The GOAT.
Rage at his flowers, man. The GOAT. Ray J has flowers, man.
What a legend.
Vince Staples never told a lie in his life, bro.
What did he say?
He has a legendary rant on Hot 97.
He's an Italian creator.
Italian was like, yo, tell them why Ray J is the greatest living human.
Alex, can you pull it up?
Can you tell me something about Vince Staples, man?
This guy is hilarious. And I never hear a pull it up? Can you say something about Vince Staples? This guy is hilarious
and I never hear
a song of his.
No,
me neither.
Yeah,
he has a future.
He's got the gift of gab,
bro.
He's hilarious.
Even though his shows,
like he has a touring act.
I like his albums.
And his tour is crazy.
He's one of those
silent SoundCloud guys
who tours fucking crazy.
Vince Staples is not
one of those guys that I can play a song crazy Vince Table's not one of those guys
That like
I can play a song for you
And you're like
Oh man
I gotta hear everything
Like you gotta hear everything
In a vacuum
Like from the beginning to the end
Cause if you just play one song
It's like
I don't get it
He like The Wire
He's gotta watch the whole shit
Yeah
Like if you just see a random episode
Of The Wire
I can't wait till he gets a podcast
Cause that shit is gonna blow
Bro I tried to pitch him a podcast
Years ago
Let's get him off No but I heard him saying like He gets a podcast because that shit is going to blow. Bro, I tried to pitch him a podcast years ago. Let's get him off.
Nah, but I heard him saying he wants a mill to sign.
Yeah.
Off rip.
That's basically what it was.
I get it.
A signing bonus to do a podcast.
Tell him to be a guest on this shit.
I totally get it, bro.
I would have gotten one.
He knows his worth, man.
You have his link?
A while ago, yeah.
Yeah, he did that when I was running Stashed.
He did a couple interviews with us, and it was fucking hilarious.
Did some pretty good stuff.
Okay, top five white guys.
Boom.
Bill Clinton, number four.
Ooh, okay.
Bill Clinton's in there.
Damn.
Prolific right, but then.
Prolific.
Prolific.
I just immediately agreed
And then I caught myself
I was like
Oh man
That's not it
Yo
Can we
Can we talk about something here
Let's say
Hypothetically speaking
He did rape all those women
That accuse him right
Little kids too
Let's say
Let's just say the women
Let's not say the kids
So it can be... That's too much.
Walk on that leg.
Let's say hypothetically you did.
Do you know how fucking
arrogant you gotta be?
No.
I did not.
No, no, no, no, no no to like rape three women
and then be like I think I could be president
that's crazy
this is next level
confidence
that's so fucking crazy
look at our current president
that's where we got the playbook from
that's probably where he got it from
I don't think Trump raped anybody.
He definitely grabbed a few titties.
You've been a douce palooza.
You know what I mean?
No, no.
Come on, son.
That does not happen.
Come on, son.
No, no.
I'm just saying like, the reason I don't think Trump raped is because he's so egregious about the other shit.
What do you mean?
He's so-
He's smart.
He knows what not to say.
No, but he's out here slapping girls' butts and shit like that.
She's fine.
This girl's a pig.
You don't talk like that if you also rape.
Sure you do.
Cosby was out there missing her goody two-shoes.
I think rape is a different type of rape, though.
His rape is-
Here we go.
Defend Cosby. I'm not defending Cosby at all.
I'm saying, like, his rape is way fucking worse
because he's the fucking slip something in your drink,
put you over your shoulder.
Guys, this is not Patreon.
I just wanted to remind you.
We should table some of this.
We should table some of this.
Let's table some of this.
This is about to go somewhere.
Hey, leave my Oprah shit in, though.
Leave that Oprah in.
We got two white guys in the top five.
Alright, alright, alright.
Michael McDonald, number three.
Are we still doing the top five whites?
Yeah, I'm thinking.
Keep forgetting.
Keep forgetting.
You putting them top five because of one track?
One track where he sounds like a black guy.
Because for 20 years of my life, I thought he was black.
I thought he was black my whole life.
I don't know who he is.
I don't know who he is.
I don't know who he is.
I don't know any of his songs.
You know the songs.
We're just doing top three whites.
Alex, Flavor and Thought of the Week, go.
Well, I was fleshing that one out, but whatever.
I'll throw it out there.
So dating someone on a temporary visa is like going to the strip club.
Because when you go to the strip club, you can be like the wackest dude,
but you have some badass bitch who's like catering to you
and making you feel wanted and all that type of shit.
Because she wants something out of you.
Because she wants something out of you.
That's what you get out of a refugee bitch.
Yeah.
So like a girl.
No, this is temporary visa.
It's not even a refugee visa.
Temporary visa.
Meaning she got to go back home.
She's on the clock.
Yeah.
So it goes from hello to like, yo, let's move in together.
Like week two.
Yeah.
So yeah.
She wanted to be saved.
That's why I was saying Alex is kind of like dating a girl with terminal cancer.
Wow.
Because, not because, think about, because like, her visa is for three months.
Right?
Right?
Like, that's what you got. So you're're dead unless there's a magical cure you know she out here praying for a miracle you're playing for a miracle you know what i mean but
like literally you can act however you want in that like what you're gonna break up with me for
the next month do you know what i mean like what i i used to love those relationships that i knew
were coming in because i didn't have to break up this is the best thing about like when i lived in spain
i got that shit like you the world does it for you that makes sense and you approach that date
and they start saying like well maybe we should continue this and you'd be like yeah yeah yeah
and back in the day there was no facetime nothing it was like you had to hit the same button three
times to get to the K
You know what I mean
So you weren't even texting that much
Yeah
So it was just like
When they were gone
You're gone
Yeah
It's like you didn't even have to ghost
Like the government did it for you
The government did it for you bro
Fucking pager
Remember pagers
Pagers
Ugh
What a dumb form of technology
They don't know
They wasn't outside
They don't know them days
Yeah We had to go find fucking public phones That crackheads just peed on Hey, Jerse. What a dumb form of technology. They don't know. They wasn't outside. They don't know them days.
Yeah.
We had to go find fucking public phones that crackheads just peed on.
You guys look so African to me right now.
I can't explain it.
I think it's the posture.
You sitting up a little straighter?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'll tell you. You apologize.
You looking mad Nigerian right now to me.
I don't know.
I ran into somebody at a... God, I was at Macy's the other day.
I ran into a fucking... I was buying a jacket.
And somebody was like... he was working there.
I was like,
yo,
do you know where
the fucking jackets are?
He was like,
yeah,
yeah.
He's like,
wait,
you're the guy
in the Andrew Schultz podcast,
right?
You sit in the back?
I'm like,
fuck,
all right,
I got to start sitting up.
I'm going to start sitting
with better posture
so I'm all fucking...
And I watched
some of the tapes
and I'm like,
I'm always kind of
leaning back
so that explains the...
Guys, sorry guys. Don't worry about it. Listen, that was a little bit of of leaning back. So that explains the... Guys, sorry guys.
Don't worry about it. Listen, that was a little bit
of flagrancy. We need to get... We have some
very important things to discuss. I got
a couple takes
that I want to share with you.
I went out, Akash and I
went to some
kind of alternative venue
comedy shows on Friday
and Saturday.
Bomb my ass off.
That's what's up.
So, but I like to,
I like to just,
I like to talk about the state of comedy in that regard.
Also,
Alex's flagrant take was confirmed.
Breaking news, breaking news, breaking news, breaking news.
What happened?
Zion Williamson out six to eight weeks.
With?
Fucked up knee.
They're not taking any chances.
That's all that is.
Motherfucker too fat.
Yeah.
He gotta lose weight, bro.
He gotta lose weight, dude.
He does not look good.
Yeah.
It's Derrick Rose, man.
Like...
That's a lot.
And to be that explosive, that's a lot of weight on your knees and a lot of impact on
your knees.
He jumps a fucking lot, bro.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's all.
Like, when I see him, I think of Derrick Rose because, like, prime Derrick Rose, the way he fucking was so herky-jerky and, like, he was, like, too athletic for his body.
When it's like, yo, your body's not supposed to move like that.
Right.
The way you land and all that type of shit.
This is three knee injuries in a year.
That's not 19 years old.
They're not taking any chances.
But 19, you're going to come back quick.
But, look, before we go into this next stuff, I just want to throw out some dates, man.
Palm Beach Improv, this Saturday.
First show sold out.
We added a second show.
Get those tickets now.
Get them early.
Then we got the West Coast next week.
We're going to be Chico, California, the first, the second, the third, Sacramento.
I think there might be a couple tickets left for the late show on the third. Then we're coming be chico california the first the second the third sacramento uh i
think there might be a couple tickets left for the late show on the third then we're coming back to
the east coast we got the 14th connecticut wall street theater then we got uh the 16th boston
the wilbur theater first show sold out more tickets left for the second show and then the 22nd
new york city town hall two shows First one sold out. Second one almost.
So get theirs.
I don't want to hear any bitching.
We're not adding no more shows.
That's it.
This is your chance for the Matador Tour.
New York is happening one time in New York.
You come get those real quick.
And then we added more shows.
Theandrewshows.com.
Go get them shits.
Akash, what you got?
Yo, the rest of the dates for this year for the big Desi Energy Tour. First of all, shouts to, I forgot to shout out EJ Watson in Detroit.
He's the one that got me up there.
It was his birthday.
Kid is a comic.
He's about the flagrancy.
I was supposed to shout out his podcast, but I forgot the name, so I'll do that next week.
But dates that are coming up, San Diego, November 7th through the 9th at the American Comedy Club.
Then the next day, I'm in Tempe, Arizona at the Improv, November 10th.
Then November 14th, I'm at the Hartford Funny Bone in Connecticut.
And then December 19th, 20th, and 21st, Big Desi Energy Homecoming.
I'm going to Mumbai.
Oh, shit.
We out there.
What are you doing out there?
Habitat Comedy Club, a friend of ours who's setting us up.
We're going to do this shit.
How'd you organize that?
How'd that come about?
So I went in March, and we did some shows there, me and the Brownish guys.
And then Dushar and I are going back.
And so we got in contact with the club.
Last time, the shows went well.
YouTube was going well.
So they said, come back, come through Headline.
Dushar's going to feature.
And he's going to replace Danish because Danish-Pakistani ain't allowed in the country.
Oh, Pakistanis aren't allowed in India?
No, straight up.
He can't.
He can't come.
God damn.
He ain't allowed.
It's not even like I won't let him.
It's like India is like, nah.
Wow.
Yeah.
Whoa.
Just because he's of Pakistani heritage or whatever?
Yeah, that's his nationality.
Do they really get upset if we call them Pakis or whatever?
Pakis?
I assume it's contextual.
Because in England, that's used in like, that's their slur.
Yeah, but I don't understand it.
Like, it's the same shit as tranny, right?
Well, that's what I'm saying.
I assume it's contextual.
It's like these fucking Packies.
It's the fucking, that's the problem.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, if you're like, I love Pocky food, man.
Pocky food is the best.
But do they take it contextually or do they get upset? It depends probably if you're like, I love Pocky food, man. Pocky food is the best. Yeah, I don't think that, man. I don't think that. But do they take it contextually, or do they get upset?
It depends probably who you're talking to.
Whatever.
Anyway, Cass.
Yes, sir.
Let me pull this up.
November 2nd, 2019, Atlanta, Duce Palooza is coming through the masquerade.
Oh, man, I can't wait to announce that.
Shit, you got a whole gay Duce Palooza that's what's up.
Is there a slant?
Duce Palooza's for everybody, baby. Bring all you gays
over here. I fucking love it.
Shoot some Ducey into those dudes' mouths?
I need to see that one right there.
That's going to be serious.
I shall not be doing that.
You wouldn't shoot it into a guy's mouth?
I'd give it to a girl and do it.
Ray does that.
Shout out to Ray VB.
Oh, she'll shoot the dudes
Yeah
You would never shoot the dudes
Nah
Why not?
It's not that type of party
What?
Sorry it's Atlanta
It's that type of party
Yeah dude
Anyway
Yeah
Los Angeles
November 8th 2019
We're taking over the Palladium
Do say Palooza
Again
And don't forget
December 13th 2019
We're making history
In Brooklyn, New York
Can't wait to announce that.
Also, this week I'm debuting a brand new show called Big Apple Buckets with the New York Post.
I'll be doing a New York Knicks-centered podcast with the guys at the New York Post.
Straight Knicks talk all day for 30 minutes.
The first guest, Walt Clyde Frazier, two-time NBA champion, and Mark Berman of the Post, the Knicks beat writer.
I know you guys.
I'm a huge, huge Knicks fan.
This means a whole lot to me.
So once the link is out there, please support it.
Please share it.
Whatever you got to do.
I cannot think of a more depressing podcast.
Well, listen, I'm going to keep it 100, though.
This year, specifically?
That's what's going to make it so much fun.
You're not going to keep it 100 because you're already delusional about the Knicks.
Exactly.
So you're keeping it 100 and still everybody else is, what the fuck is this guy talking about?
No, bro.
It's preseason.
You're allowed to be delusional up until tomorrow.
I'm teasing.
I'm teasing.
I'm teasing.
Obviously, we're going to support, man.
Yes, sir.
So check that shit out.
And support all this shit, man.
Kazan Effect, fucking, you know, Duce do say palooza fucking everything man everything things good things are happening for the gang all
around yes sir we're doing it we're doing it um okay so i went out to these shows there's some
very actually there are some cool shows uh my girl fawn runs a show it's like a secret show
it's quite interesting. I couldn't believe
anybody showed up, but they just email
you that day and let you know where
the show's going to be.
They don't even tell you the lineup. I think they're just like,
show up and it's going to be a show. It's called Don't
Tell Comedy. And this one was
on like the, what was it?
The 50th floor of some building.
You were there? I know Rockefeller Center.
It was basically Rockefeller Center. It was on the 50th floor.
And son, it felt
like Spider-Man. It was on the roof.
You could go outside and there were all the
buildings around. You see Spider-Man
shooting at things and then
flying. It's very rare
that in your life are you on a
balcony that high where you would Spider-Man.
Right. Do you know what I'm saying?
When are you ever outside on the 30th floor yeah and when you are when are you around other buildings that are higher
than that by many stories it's hard to spider-man yeah in other words right but like it was cool i
went up i did um i did the set and uh all right you know i've talked around but uh i did a few
jokes but it was interesting i felt like a like a little pullback from the audience.
And it was one of these things where it's like, oh, it's interesting.
There are certain things they're just not allowing themselves to laugh at.
And then I was like, you know, maybe it's just this show.
It is what it is.
And then Saturday we went to another show hosted by Ronnie Lord.
It's in this barbershop.
It's a great idea. I don't know Ronnie. And it's called Barbershop Comedy Show or something like that. It's in this barbershop. It's a great idea.
I don't know Ronnie.
And it's called Barbershop Comedy Show
or something like that.
It's really cool.
They actually like convert this barbershop into a show.
I mean, it's just a great idea.
It's super intimate.
It's on like 2nd Street in East Village.
And bombed my ass off again in that one.
Wait, you say a little pullback in the first one.
Was it a bomb?
Was it an L?
Or was it like, eh, it was fine.
I like how you call it a little pullback in the first one. Was it a bomb? Was it an L? Or was it like, eh, it was light. I like how you call it a little pullback audible groan.
There's a lady in the back like.
So here's the thing.
Anything if I'm not killing, I consider a bomb.
Right.
Right?
So like, I'm never like, oh, that was okay.
It's either kill or bomb.
Right. I'm never like, oh, that was okay. It's either kill or bomb.
But I can look at a crowd and I can be like,
these people acknowledge that these jokes are funny.
I don't need a crowd to tell me the jokes are funny.
I know the jokes are funny.
Right now it's about whether they'll allow themselves to laugh at an idea.
And I went in.
I had been doing the clubs and I'd be doing our live shows and tour. like I really thought that we won the war on comedy I thought it was done like I even went on
Rogan I was like no it's over like we we beat them people want real comedy now you know what I mean
like and I and I didn't do the alternative rooms and this was the first time in a while where I was
like oh shit there are people that refuse to laugh
unless the jokes are politically aligned with their beliefs.
Regardless of how funny the jokes are.
I did a little experiment when I was at the barbershop show.
I really leaned into,
the stuff I do always goes against
whatever we're supposed to think.
That's the fun for me in comedy.
Making shit funny is easy for me. The challenge is making the shit funny that you're're supposed to think. That's the fun for me in comedy. Making shit funny is easy for me.
The challenge is making the shit funny
that you're not supposed to.
That's the exciting thing.
The stakes are high.
Let's try to do this at the highest level.
I did a bunch of jokes.
I don't want to give them away
because I'll do them part of the tour,
but I did a bunch of jokes
that were not at all liberally politically aligned,
like making the opposite argument, fucked up shit.
And then I have one, this part of a bit,
I don't want to give it away,
but that does align politically with their beliefs.
I was like, I'm going to give this one to them right now
and see how they react.
Applause break.
Laughing, support.
And I'm like, you're not clapping because of how funny this
joke is even though it's a funny joke you're clapping because you agree with the joke and
and then i did another joke that has two different things in it where one group a minority group is
made fun of at first and then later whites are made fun of right when i'm making fun of the minority they couldn't laugh the second
the joke transgresses white people immediately laughing and i'm sitting there and i'm like oh
my god i thought we were past this i thought we had i thought we had beaten this down i thought
these people didn't exist because i've been in the comedy clubs and i've been on tour but there
are still people that refuse to laugh
unless it goes along with their political beliefs.
Well, you gotta remember,
you've created this kind of like,
not a bubble,
but you've created this,
you've been instrumental in creating this space
where you don't need to appease those people.
No, 100%, right?
But it's one of those things where it came back
and two things happened.
I also thought everybody was starting to do
this type of comedy now, right?
Nope.
And in that moment, I started to realize,
oh shit, this is why I have this
appreciation from people.
I never really got that,
you know, like people hit me up from YouTube or Instagram,
they say, yo, thank you for doing what you're doing.
I'm like, bro, I'm just having fun doing comedy.
This is the type of comedy I love,
but they see that.
Right.
And they're like,
I,
I,
I missed the,
the old comp.
Now I'm not knocking any of the comics on the show.
Cause I didn't see them go on the show.
Right.
They could have been doing the exact same shit as me.
I can't,
I can't say.
And I love the fact that they're doing these different shows.
I went there specifically for dropping in.
So I should,
could give them some exposure.
I feel like I want to help out New York comedy scene.
There should be different venues for all different types of comedy.
I want to help out as much as I can.
But I did have a concern, and Akash, we had discussed this before,
and the concern is there are all these young comics that are coming up in this scene,
that are coming up in this scene?
And how can you develop an authentic voice when your audience is fraudulent?
That's bars.
I don't think you truly can.
Like, you and I did comedy in a basement to tourists.
In a dungeon.
In a dungeon, right?
That we did not care about what those tourists thought.
Industry would specifically avoid that place.
Avoid it. But here's the thing. We didn't care what the tourists thought so it'd be cool if
we bombed but also they were tourists they didn't have to see anybody else again they didn't have a
social cost to laughing at a joke right they're going back to fucking ohio or sweden or wherever
they're from right so they could laugh at a little more fucked up shit because they're like i don't
care if these people judge me yeah but these people that are going to these shows, that's maybe part of the neighborhood.
They're going to see.
And then you look at somebody like, yo, did you laugh at that abortion joke?
What the hell is wrong with this guy?
Look at him laughing.
Right?
So it is a concern of mine for comedy moving forward because at the end of the day, we're not going to keep doing comedy if we're bombing.
At the end of the day, we want to get laughs.
We're comics.
We are insecure. We want to be validated by our off our audience but so we will gravitate towards what
towards what works it takes a strong constitution to stick to your guns when you're not doing well
right and i and i fear that if if their comics are going up in front of too many audiences that are
only laughing at shit they're politically aligned with,
that they'll start doing jokes that will end up getting those laughs,
and they won't develop an authentic comedic voice, unless that is their comedic voice.
And it's like, it makes me a little concerned for comedy as it moves forward.
I'm not trying to dismiss what you're saying.
I know I can sound dismissive sometimes.
My fiance tells me that shit all the time.
But I'll say two things.
Number one, I don't think you ever stamp out this kind of comedy.
It's not like it's a thing that goes, like in the same way that we talk about how entertainment is so fragmented now
and everybody just kind of has their group and their audience.
That's what comedy is going to become.
There's going to be this group of people that goes to that thing.
And this group of people that goes for the flagrancy.
And this group of people that goes to that thing, and this group of people that goes for the flagrancy, and this group of people that wants PC.
And here's the other thing I would say.
If you aren't, the cream will always rise to the top.
Yes.
I guess what it's important to note, though,
this isn't the same as, it's not like a basketball course
where you just get to decide where you play.
Fair.
And if you want to have like a soft game, you go to the YMCA.
You want to have a tough game, you play outside and, you know, Canarsie.
I know when I was coming up, we kind of romanticized these stories, though, about like Bill Burr
who would go to the hood rooms and bomb for a long time before he finally figured it out.
You hear about these guys.
Right.
I've talked openly about how I bombed.
When we first met, I was bombing for a good year and a half straight.
Right.
Constant L's.
Right.
The ones who want to be great are like, all right, well, that's the cost.
That's fine.
I want that shit.
I want that top tier shit.
So I'll eat that cost.
Right.
But there is a difference because you didn't really have that experience.
You got to come in and you got to perform in the Lantern and these types of venues,
right, to balance out the shitty ones.
the Lantern and these types of venues, right, to balance out the shitty ones.
What I'm saying is, is there people that on the come up of comedy,
you can't just walk into the Comedy Cellar or New York Comedy Club and go,
I'd like to go on.
You have to perform at these other things first.
And in order to get from there to the clubs, you have to succeed at there.
Before you could get past the clubs, you had to be able to do well at the lantern which was nice because we created our our type of comedy there but you also
had to do well in these other rooms yeah i still think i mean i i would bomb at the lantern when i
first got there for a month we all we all did I'm not saying you did. My point is this is a necessary step
in getting your footing in a New York comedy scene.
And if you're just like it's always been,
like Knitting Factory was for a lot of new comics.
They'd come and they'd do Knitting Factory
and they'd do well at Knitting Factory
and then they'd get these other different places, right?
Doing well in rooms gets you more rooms.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
If you choose to bomb to stick to your comedic laurels, different places, right? Doing well in rooms gets you more rooms. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
If you choose to bomb to stick to your comedic laurels,
you're not going to get booked on the other shit.
And if you don't get booked on the other shit,
it's going to take you way longer to get to the clubs where you can actually do your shit.
So there's this weird catch-22.
It's like, okay, should I do the stuff that's not really authentic to me
so I can get to the other stuff so I can eventually do me?
You see what I'm saying?
Yeah, I do think this sounds weird, but your perception is a bit skewed because you got funny really fucking fast.
So you were also always able to do the flagrant shit and get laughs.
And then there were audiences even back then where they were like, you know, whatever.
I'm not going to name clubs.
I remember you telling me one show. You're like, oh, I went. There was like the hot club, the hot little room. And you're like, whatever. I'm not going to name clubs. I remember you telling me one show,
you're like, oh, I went,
there was like the hot club,
the hot little room,
and you were like,
oh, I just bombed my ass off.
Right.
Because that was that group of people.
That group of people existed then
just like it exists now.
It might be a little more pervasive now,
but not as much as you think,
I don't think.
We caught it on the come up.
Now it's, I think, on the come down.
And I would like to just point in,
so you're saying that you can't find
your authentic voice in rooms like that.
And I would actually say the opposite.
So the PC people will find their authentic voice because they're going to perform well in front of there.
And then when they go to a room that wants more gritty comedy, they're not going to perform well.
And now you get to learn a good crowd from a bad crowd.
Because you know how you can go in and assess the crowd
and you can even pick apart the crowd
and see like, oh yeah,
they feel uncomfortable to laugh at this shit.
So it's like that makes you a better comic
because now it's like, oh, I see the difference
in terms of the people I perform in.
I'm still performing my same comedy
in front of both different groups
and I know what works to my group.
So you can still find your voice in front of those crowds
even if you do bad. No. No? No, no. Yeah, I don't necessarily. and I know what works to my group. So you can still find your voice in front of those crowds,
even if you do that.
No.
No?
No, no.
Yeah, I don't necessarily think that. No, no, you can't.
You can't because you can only find your voice in front of them
if your voice is consistent with them
because no comic, I don't care how good they are.
And again, we do romanticize those things,
but no comic, I don't care how good they are,
will tell the same jokes for a year and continue bombing with them. They are. And again, we do romanticize those things. But no comment. I don't care how good they are.
We'll tell the same jokes for a year and continue bombing with them.
Yeah, but you're saying they only go to that room.
Remember, they're trying to get on stage everywhere.
So they're doing different rooms.
Right, right. So my assumption is that there are a lot of rooms that are filled with those types of audience.
Yeah, you don't think there's going to be any diversity?
Like there's not going to be any rooms that have your audience?
Those rooms tend to, to use a term I used earlier, stamp out.
Like, if you're a super woke crowd, the guy,
it takes a lot of confidence to be the audience member laughing
at a horrible joke in a super woke crowd.
No, no, no, I get that.
But, I mean, you don't think there are any rooms that don't have woke crowds?
There's not as many room rooms.
They're different scenes.
The alternative rooms, yeah.
Like, for example, like like Akash and I were saying
we would go to the black rooms.
Yeah.
Never did I feel like I couldn't tell
a certain type of joke in those rooms.
Right?
I felt like I could be as flagrant as I wanted.
When I would go to the woke rooms,
or what we would call like the alt rooms,
the hipster rooms,
I would have to be,
well, I mean,
I wouldn't change what I did,
but I would go in there with
the idea like they're not going to get on board with this. This joke is critical of women. This
joke is critical of a minority group. They won't feel comfortable doing it. Now, if I was being
critical of myself or like white people in general, yes, they would. And I feel like most comics have
a desire to be validated
and that will overrule their desire to do
an authentic bit. That's my concern.
I got you. Do you see what I'm saying?
I 100% feel your concern.
There's different levels of this, Akash.
Obviously I'm not saying this is the end,
there will be no more comedy, but
I feel like
I feel like
young comics coming up, I would really implore them, go to an open mic in Long Island.
Go to places where, if you are flagrant, go to places where the flagrancy can, go out to Staten Island where you know they're not going to be upset about some joke.
If you stay in there, if you are one of the flagrancy you know like because if you stay in that scene
that need for validation that we all have in us is gonna come over you you know like maybe
maybe i'm a sociopath maybe i and that's fair and that's fair but that's not going to be everybody
like i maybe i don't mind having that.
I also will be in front of those crowds, and I'll look at them,
and if I could tell that you are trying to not laugh.
Oh, you talk at them.
Yeah.
You got it.
You got to shame them.
Oh, not even shame.
If I could tell you're trying to not laugh, I'm like, oh, that's good.
Oh, okay.
Right?
Because I'm not going to these rooms.
There's a lot of effort into not laughing. I'll call that out.
I'll be like-
Laughing is easy.
Trying not to laugh is fucking hard.
That's a good perspective.
Because I'll be like, you realize you're just hurting yourself, right?
I'll talk to them.
But I think what I would do back then, and I still probably do it, is I would think,
okay, I don't want to sacrifice my idea how
do I get other audiences to laugh at this idea make it palatable we used to always use that term
make it palatable make it palatable that's the most I would do at a certain point this shit is
art if you're an artist about your type of comedy it's like okay I will not sacrifice this at a
certain point I agree with you completely and I think that what we would do is, and we would always talk about is make it silly.
The premise can be serious, but punch it silly.
And there was a time, I think, when we came up where the premises might have been a little tough.
Yeah.
But as long as you made the punchy part silly, it was okay.
as you made the the punchy part silly it was okay and i think the growth of pc culture it has kind of invaded the space of silly even well actually you said that to me recently and
that shifted that was like a big shift for me is like oh fuck silly that's a fun way to make it
palatable without trying to fuck with your message or whatever you're trying to say that was actually
a big thing that recently i was like oh shit silly you just find your version of anytime i'm i'm not the joke isn't
going over it's like oh it's not silly yeah it's not silly enough yeah and once it's silly
you you you find a way to like get there you know i mean but it just it it was so
it was so fascinating to watch adults to like watch adults fight for like an idea in a place of
comedy it was just so odd it's also so funny to see them be offended in the most expensive cities
in the world oh dude dude and like so easy to like trigger like i i would do this back in the
day because there was a joke of mine that i had some of you guys might be familiar but about the Mexians stealing the jobs
and I was like how do you steal a job?
I've never seen a Mexican walk into a restaurant
and go give me the dishes right?
And like that was the joke I would do
to test an audience that I was bombing in front of.
So if I was bombing
and then I did that joke and they laughed
I would go oh you just want jokes you agree with
because to me it was a good joke but it was also like a liberal leaning
perspective and I and it was it's just fascinating to me that people could go
out for a night of agreeing right like isn't that odd I mean I guess it's just
safe it's safe yeah but that shit man to not laugh at that shit, man.
And to be honest, we're at a time where it is not that easy to just go out and just have a good time without being offended by something.
You know what I'm saying?
It's just a lack of self-awareness that New York is this worldly city and the whole world is in New York.
No, the richest people in the whole world are in New York.
Like, the richest Indians or Nigerians or whatever. The smartest, most successful world are in New York. Like, the richest Indians or Nigerians
or whatever. The smartest, most successful ones
are in New York. This is not a global place.
This is a global elite city.
It's true.
It's not a global city.
Very true.
I want to say something, but I think I'm going to turn it into
a bit, but it's...
Yeah, that's a great way of...
We're fucking spoiled, dude.
And there's a...
I always wonder, like, if I wasn't born here,
how different life would be.
Different.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, if I wasn't born...
Like, I know you weren't born here,
but Andrew, you were.
Alex, you were born here as well.
It's like, I'm just spoiled by just seeing everybody.
Bro, we're so wildly spoiled.
Yeah.
It's not even funny, yeah i wish i could i
don't want to ruin this because i want to i want to do it as part of this bit but like we are so
whatever let's move on because i'm gonna want to do it but um uh but yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
it was just it was just an interesting thing and then And then the other observation that I made was I think that this is we are living in the easiest time in history to have a successful restaurant.
Really?
I feel like those are easy money losers.
Yes.
I have a theory.
This is the thing about restaurants that I realized.
Quality food is still the rarest thing in the world.
And it is so rare that if you have it,
we will find it.
And that's why celeb endorsed restaurants never work.
Like Michael Jordan's Steakhouse.
Like, I don't give a fuck if Michael Jordan...
Is the steak good?
Like, I'll wear the sneakers that Kobe wears.
Yeah.
Because they're the same
as all the other sneakers,
really.
Right.
I just like Kobe.
And it's Kobe endorsing
the shit he's good at.
Boom.
Fuck,
does Michael Jordan
know about steak?
The fuck do you know
about steak?
Literally,
what could you possibly?
I like my favorite
Kanye West clip of all time.
Oh,
yeah,
yeah,
what does Lady Gaga
know about?
It's like,
I love the Gaga songs,
what the fuck
does she know about Cameron?
Yeah,
so it's like, so I'm sitting down and I'm thinking about this fucking restaurant shit.
I'm like, but now if your food is actually good, which is hard,
now we have all these other means of communication to spread word of mouth.
Yelp.
Right?
Yelp.
Google reviews.
All that shit.
Even Yelp was a little skewed because you've got to be a certain type of person.
Oh, shit.
On top of that, there's all these blogs and everybody that's got to churn out content.
If you have a restaurant that's remotely hot or a piece of food that's remotely hot, people are lining up at all.
They'll write about it and then the line triples.
So now check this, right?
Like you said, piece of food that's remotely hot.
Cronut.
Cronut.
Yeah, make it Instagram.
Back it up from Cronut, right?
I thought about what I would do if I was like big farm America,
like these big farming conglomerates, right?
I go to one of these or a group of these elite chefs,
the ones that have a bunch of restaurants, and I go,
fam, make a dish with Brussels sprouts.
Because when we were growing up, Brussels sprouts were trash, right?
Brussels sprouts came to fuck up.
And cauliflower.
And buffalo cauliflower. Oh, it's having a hot girl summer
son brussels sprouts is popping it's popping right yo tell me if you're one of these big farm
corporations you don't go yo listen we will give you all the free produce you need free
for all your restaurants just make a dish with brussel sprouts because in six months every fucking TGI Fridays
all this shit
isn't that the way
you game the system now?
Yeah
it's like influencers
like social media influencers
but restaurant influencers
with chefs
because they can make
anything good
I've been to these
fancy restaurants
they take a fucking
turnip and make it good
the only reason why
we thought brussel sprouts
were whack
is because like
fucking the influencers
of our time
told us it was whack
it was every TV show
or cartoon
every fucking
eat your brussels sprouts
I'm like
oh god
and like
I never even ate it
I just assumed
brussels sprouts are trash
and I grew up
and I was like
bro this shit
roasted the right way
nice seasoning
hot sauce
they're amazing
I think a version
of that is happening
maybe not from
like big farms
but like
every year there's the new craze it's the kale it's the so tell me if you're oh there's a woman
supposedly called the queen of kale and she was the one that got kale popping really and i'm like
i think you can manifest these crazes and i think if you had enough farmland where it was worth it
to you to increase the amount of the nut that you sold. It doesn't have to be
leaf. It could be, yo,
almonds aren't popping? What are we doing
with almonds?
Do you know what I'm saying? How do we get into
the food culture where you start going,
oh man, I need to have those honey glazed almonds
or whatever it is.
I just think it fizzles out quick though.
Like in the food, it's like,
oh, we're on to the next thing. Because kale
came and went. Then it was pumpkin
everything. Because you know what happened after a while. Then it's like oat milk
everything. Then it was turmeric everything.
It was avocado everything. Like,
it comes, fizzles, and then
it's like, yeah, some people stick around, but
then everybody's like, oh, you still on that shit?
It's like the iPhone. So it's quick money.
So it's not something you want to manifest, because
you want to be in business with Brussels
sprouts forever.
Yeah.
But at least you would know how to plan for it.
True.
Like if there's stocks in that shit, it's like, oh, you just see what the basic white
bitch girl is eating right now.
It's like, oh, that's it.
Put your money in that.
Real talk.
Pumpkin pop up through the roof.
So you find the pipeline of that shit.
That's what I would do.
Basic white bitch.
We got to find, we got to get a popping vegetable.
And give it to that guy, Dan.
Make that a flagrant vegetable, bro.
Yo, we got to pick one.
Squash or some shit.
Something.
And then give it to the guy, Dan.
Pumpernickel.
What's pumpernickel?
Is that good?
That's not a vegetable, son.
It's not?
No.
It's black ass bread, bro.
I was like, oh shit, I didn't even know that was a vegetable.
I was like, sounds like, I didn't even know that was a vegetable. I was like, sounds like a vegetable.
Fuck, yeah, let's get a fucking vegetable pop it.
That shit.
The talk of the town.
Yo, beets?
Beets can easily be that shit.
Beets by flagrancy.
Beets by flagrancy, bro.
Get them shits.
Oh, I just want to confirm that
This Saturday when we were out
The sleeper cells
All the Chinatowns in America
That is a true thing
It was confirmed by a Chinese man
During Andrew's set
That shit is happening
Be afraid
I asked a Chinese couple in the front row
Yeah
I said
Yo if it goes down between America and China, whose side you on?
No hesitation.
No hesitation.
This motherfucker said China.
In a room full of Americans proudly said China.
Yeah, but it's a whole crowd.
Of course he's going to say that shit.
Say what?
No, no.
This was at a comedy club.
Yeah.
Oh, fuck.
Yeah, yeah.
Done.
And then?
It's kind of fun.
You accidentally, you was like, oh, if anybody has this theory that all the Chinatowns and cities are sleeper cells or whatever the case is.
And I go, is that the case?
And then he's just mad quiet.
And I was like, what?
All right.
Y'all keep playing.
Next time I get a Chinese girl, I'm going to be good.
Yo, all I'm saying is.
It would be good.
Maybe they were right about them tournament camps back in the day.
Don't chill out.
It's the same principle, son.
That's why people like you were the ones that made them.
You don't think that there was a white dude back in California like,
yo, maybe we should round up these Japanese, bro.
I think they got sleeper cells.
We're in a Japan town.
Say what?
Ain't no Japan town.
There was probably some Japan.
You know how scared white people must have been?
They're not even cooking the fish.
They're like, yo, something's off with these motherfuckers.
They're just eating the fish right out the water.
You don't think that's going to scare a nice country white person who's been cooking his food for his entire life?
Japanese people just biting fish right out the fucking pond like a merman.
Yo, they thinking they're mermaids, the Japanese, bro.
No?
Nah, bro.
Not at all?
I can see it.
I can see it.
Mermen don't eat fish.
Aren't they like-
What they eat, chicken wings, bro? People- What the't eat fish. Aren't they like- What they eat?
Chicken wings, bro?
People-
What the fuck mermen?
I resent that.
What the fuck mermaids eat?
They eat jollof?
They're like fish.
They're like one with the people.
They speak to the fish.
They're like friends with the fish.
They don't eat the fish.
Bigger fish eat the little fish, bro.
Nah, those are like better fish.
Sorry, son.
Fish eat fish.
Like shark eat fish.
That's how good fish are.
No, fish is delicious.
Yo, fish is so good.
Even fish eat them, son.
Son, if you talk to a fish about fish,
I think I had that joke here a while ago, right?
You ask Kaz what he eats, he wouldn't be like, Akash.
No, but I had that bit where it's like, we don't eat midgets, right?
But like, they do.
Valid.
That is valid.
I would eat Akash, though, if he was edible. Yeah. Right. But like they do. Valid. That is valid. I would eat Akasha if he was edible.
Wow.
I mean, he looks like, I mean, bro.
Hey, bro, you can get it.
Out of everybody in here, he looks like he has the most flavor.
He looks delectable.
I'm going to be bland, bro.
I'm going to be bland, bro.
He ears the turmeric, son.
He's nice and bland.
He's bland as shit, yo.
I'm going to be bland, son.
He's been marinating in our car, son.
Alex, you too much seasoning.
That's like fucking heart palpitations and shit.
I got a perfect amount of spice.
Tastiness.
Throw that man on a fucking foreman grill.
Foreman grill.
Guys, let me tell you this.
Yeah.
A game is 10 times more exciting
when you're putting money on it.
That's a fact.
When you've been putting money down for years
or you're ready to play for the first time,
my bookie is your best bet this season.
I'm going to tell you why.
Hell yeah.
There's a bunch of other things to say,
but this is the reason.
They're matching your initial investment
up to $1,000.
That's the reason. That's crazy. Yes, you could do parlays akash you know where you bet on a bunch
of games and increase the amount uh that you could win uh but you don't even have to worry about that
because they're matching your money i cannot tell you this more than in this one than this one way
you're getting free money to gamble with.
You put some money in, they match it.
It's as simple as that.
Free money to gamble with.
You go to mybookie.ag, you get that free money to gamble with
because nobody is going to give you more ways to win than them.
You can bet on the first half of the game, bet on the second half of the game.
You lose on the first, you make it up on the second.
Simple as that.
You got pro football, college football, Major League Baseball.
Both hockey and basketball.
Around the corner.
Now it's time to get in the action, okay?
You want to support your team this season.
Don't just sit on the sidelines.
You go to mybookie.ag.
You join right now.
MyBookie's going to double that deposit.
You just got to use the code FLAGRANT.
MyBookie.ag.
Use the code FLAGRANT.
Go there.
You play.
You win. You get paid. Real talk. the code FLAGRANT. Go there. You play. You win.
You get paid.
Real talk,
there's only one way
to make baseball exciting.
Exactly.
Gambling.
Gamble on that shit.
The only way.
Yeah.
You a Yankees fan?
I don't really give a fuck,
but you know what I mean?
Gamble on the World Series.
I watch them games.
They out.
They out, bro.
I watch the entire
fucking game, bro.
It is so boring.
Literally, there were two plays that made me scream.
And there were the last two plays in the last inning.
DJ LeMay who ties it up.
Altuve hits a walk-off.
The entire eight innings before that shit, I'm sitting there fighting sleep.
I literally had to get up and go to a bar to watch the game.
I'm like, I'm going to fall asleep on the couch if I watch this here.
So I went to the bar down the street.
Sitting there fucking nervous as shit.
As soon as LeMay who ties it up, I'm like, all right, boom, we in here. Going to extra innings. Got watch this here. So I went to the bar down the street, sitting there fucking nervous as shit. As soon as the little man who ties it up, I'm like, alright, boom, we in here.
Going to extra innings, got my drink here, yada yada.
Very next inning, he hits the walk-off
and that's the fucking game.
That's baseball.
The most boring, most
popular fucking sport. I just got bored right
now listening to you talk about it.
I see it, I'm trying to hype it up and shit, I'm like,
yeah, nah. Even talking about baseball.
I just went on a 30 minute rant about comedy
that I thought was pretty boring.
Hearing you talk about baseball
for 30 seconds even put my
own boring conversation in perspective.
That's for all the people that say
we don't talk baseball. There it is.
That's the reason.
You said DJ LeMay who and I almost fell asleep
halfway through his neck
there was something about huge it sounded like
it took all my energy i'm gone it's so i'm just i'm done what are we talking about now
the exciting sports yo we got basketball back but more importantly i saw a crazy news story
akash did you hear about them indians did they put the cardboard boxes on their heads so they didn't cheat during a test?
No.
There's an Indian school where the kids had to have a cardboard box with a hole cut out in the front when they're taking a test so they didn't look over at each other's test.
Is that a common thing?
Not that I know of, but good for them.
You can't all be cheating off the smartest kids in the school.
They're all the smartest kids.
So who's cheating on who? Everybody's probably cheating the school. They're all the smartest kids. So who's cheating on who?
Everybody's probably cheating off everybody.
They're all going for them hundreds.
You just write the answers inside the cardboard box that you lit.
I'm pretty sure they put the box, right?
They don't let you bring your own box from home.
I thought they would let you bring your own box.
I thought they would let you bring your own box.
So wait, you just got to bring your bed?
Oh, shit.
You just gotta bring your bed?
Kids, we would like if you bring your bed to school for test tomorrow.
Everybody's going to test in the bed.
It's the bedroom.
Relax, y'all.
I thought that was crazy, man.
I took a little screenshot of it.
Yeah, I was about to say, can I see it?
I got you.
I'll show you.
Yo, while we're pulling this up, did you guys watch the video I sent you of the Tom Brady massage parlor shit?
No, what was that?
Bruh, it's a clip from this. Holy shit.
That's great.
That's what's up, man.
Don't think those motherfuckers cheat.
Yeah, be doctors. Nobody wants to. I don't even want to be smart that way. There's what's up man don't think those motherfuckers cheat yeah be doctors
nobody wants to
I don't even want to be smart
there's a clip
there's a clip I sent y'all
it's a little
excerpt from this new
Paul Rudd TV show
I think
his life sucks
or whatever
white people think
and he drives
white people
ain't that every white show
my life is just good
that's every that's every liberal white person's show yeah I think that every white show, my life is just good.
That's every liberal white person's show, yeah.
This is so funny.
Go on in this.
This is so great. I think that every white person TV show is, oh, my life is only good.
Why can't it be great?
And it's like, bro, this is very low stakes.
I'm going to be honest.
Top boy,
I just started watching
motherfuckers getting marked out
with guns in England.
I don't even know
how they got the guns.
They all have to share one.
It's quite adorable.
And Paul Rudd is like,
oh,
I only make $60,000 a year.
Oh.
Oh.
Yeah.
I'm not talking about
all white people.
I'm not talking about
the fucking coal miners in West Virginia
I'm talking about these fucking liberal cucks
who are like now this is art
nah man that shit is boring yo
that's all I got
I just didn't want to interrupt
it's like
there's this funny thing that I see often
shared and it's something like
you know not going for often shared and it's something like, um, uh,
you know,
not going for your dreams and, and it's,
it's like,
it's not,
not going for your dreams and risking it all.
Uh,
and,
and instead just sitting at your,
your job and,
you know,
then going home to your house and,
you know,
just eating with your,
your family.
That is the real,
you know,
nightmare or something like that.
You know what I mean?
I'm not wording it right, but essentially the idea that white people are so good at just regular life
that being regular is a nightmare.
Oh, yeah, man.
It's just the worst thing in the world for you guys.
You don't want to be like your dad.
No, but like the golden handcuffs.
Like, my mom even described this to me once.
She was like, you know, I had this job, and I had my health care, and I had my benefits,
and I had everything.
But those are the golden handcuffs, you know, because that's what they do.
They get you to stay there with those golden handcuffs because they don't want you to go
out there and be great.
It's like, you know how many people would love?
Lock me up.
Lock me.
Like, that's the dream.
Yeah.
To be handcuffed to that life. Oh man, I get so
fucking tired of these shows. That's what Louis was to me. That's why I didn't
fuck with Louis. I'm like, you're just
a white dude who's complaining that he's 10 pounds
overweight but keeps eating. Like, I don't
know. Fuck is the big deal here?
Dude, there is something about it.
Like, I
understand I'm a white guy, right? So
I have this privilege right but i've
always thought about this so let's say i have this privilege let's say kaz let's say my life is
be generous how many times better than you just because of the color of my skin oh over it
are we doing like multiples or percentages percentages let's say 50 percent yeah it's
like 65 better sure whatever you want i could have said any number. I'm 65% better than you, right?
Can you reword that and not word that?
I'm 100% better than you.
No, no.
My life, my privilege is...
Thank you.
I was looking for that synonym.
More chosen.
So my life is 65% better.
65% more of a person.
Oh, man.
Listen, so let's say I'm two-fifths better than you, right?
That's what I'm looking for.
I know.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, God.
So what if he chose the exact amount?
It turned out to be two-fifths.
But let's just say that, right?
Whatever amount you say.
I don't view things like that.
No, I'm just saying.
We're going to save it for the hypothetical. It's just hypothetical. It's just hypothetical. I don't feel things like that. No, I'm just saying. We're the same for the hypothetical.
It's just hypothetical.
It's just hypothetical.
I don't feel that either.
I'm just throwing it out.
Look, we're just throwing it out.
To appease whoever's listening,
it doesn't matter.
Even if my life is better,
I was talking to Alex and Weezy about this.
I don't see myself as more privileged than anybody.
Even if I am,
I can't go through life and treat you equally
if I see myself as better yeah so I purposely refuse to
lean into that so I don't feel pity in my interactions with you or Alex or Akash or
anything like that and I think that's one of the reasons why it's I think our interactions are
quite trusted when I say these things because it doesn't seem like I'm speaking down to you. Whatever. Anyway, so 65%, right?
I'm 65% more, right?
But both of us are 10,000% better
than somebody living in a forest in Cambodia.
Oh, 1,000%.
Right?
So my percentage better than you
is like.00001% when it compares to the person at the bottom.
So while we're complaining about who's in the 99th percentile and the 98th percentile,
that's the argument in America.
Dude, 100%.
It's 98th and 99th percentile.
And we're like, oh my God, you have it so better.
And oh my God, I feel so bad you got so worse.
And literally the majority of the world is like,
I'll take anything.
Yes.
Give me anything.
Dude, I used to say this with Occupy Wall Street.
It's like, bro, if you're American, you are the 1%.
Yes.
American privilege.
Fuck white, black, whatever privilege.
American privilege is the overwhelming privilege.
American poor is adorable. Do you know what I mean? You know privilege. American poor is adorable.
Do you know what I mean?
You know, like, American poor.
I live in the projects, and we can only buy Jordans three times a year.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Real talk.
When you compare our poor to other people's poor.
Go drink the water in India from the projects.
You think your water's bad.
Go drink that water.
See how your body handles it. Just drink it. If India from the projects. You think your water's bad? Go drink that water. See how your body handles it.
Just drink it if you can get it.
Yo, this is my favorite thing.
They were peeing in the elevator.
You have an elevator?
What do you mean elevator?
You got floors in your building?
Wait, your building is made of a substance that can sustain multiple floors?
Like this hurricane's not going to wash your whole shit up?
Like, we're all so fucking lucky, dude.
100%.
100%.
Grand scheme of things, absolutely.
And I understand.
I'll never trade American poor for, like, Nigeria poor.
Bruh.
Ever.
But at the same time,
you guys got it pretty fucking good.
So do you!
The point is, all we know is what we see.
So I completely understand everybody
complaining about what they see, and I completely
understand like cul-de-sac whites
complaining about things in their life because
they don't see the poverty that's in the hood, right?
And that's why they make shows about how Paul Rudd's life is okay
because they're so blinded to what goes on in Far Rock,
what goes on in Parastat and Island,
that these white people truly have no fucking clue
about what goes on with poor whites in middle America.
They don't even know, right?
That's my issue.
More of the people who seem to cling on to it, these fucking liberal white fans that think they're't even know, right? That's my issue, is more the people who seem to cling on to it,
these fucking liberal white fans
that think they're open-minded.
You think you're open-minded
and you think that's a terrible life?
You got no global perspective,
if that's what you think.
And that's why we see so many of those shows,
because that's more of the population
than people who are actually in property.
The thing is, nobody wants to see that.
I think there's more poor white people
who don't give a fuck about it, but yeah. I think there's more poor white people who don't give a fuck
about it,
but yeah.
I think there's more
poor whites,
but the people in LA
and New York
are so,
are so like,
what is the word,
detached?
They're so detached
from that reality
that they keep on
making their shows
where they work in
like an advertising firm
and they like have
like brunch all the time
and the people
in middle America
are like,
what are you,
like,
are we supposed to relate to this
there's a reason
Roseanne slept
some fat bitch
you know how many
fat bitches there are
poor fat bitches
poor fat bitches
that eat corn
products all day
that's why Duck Duck
Dynasty is
did you call it
Duck Duck Dynasty
there's only one duck
I don't care
that's Duck Duck Dynasty
Duck Duck Goose Duck Duck Dynasty those people's only one duck. Duck Duck Goose.
Those people have the fucking smarts of preschoolers who play Duck Duck Goose all day.
And they had the fucking game on Smash.
I feel like a fucking joke they said.
That relates to the country.
War of the country then.
You're not wrong.
The Duck Dynasty dude, they canceled him or whatever.
And they're like, oh my God, do you believe he said this about black people they're like yeah have you seen the fucking show like what do you think
he thought i haven't even seen the show it's called duck he got rich by fucking who do you
think he's trying to camouflage himself from did you think he had these fucking, did you think he had these like really far thinking ideals?
Nuance.
Nuance ideologies on race relations?
The motherfucker got rich off of ducks.
He don't know shit.
Anyway, the scene in the show,
to get back to the point,
he's going to a massage,
no, I brought it up,
but he's going to one of these happy ending massage parlors
and he's like contemplating like, ugh, am I really going to do this? And then he's about to a massage. No, I brought it up. But he's going to one of these happy ending massage parlors. And he's like contemplating like, am I really going to do this?
And then he's about to pull out.
And then Tom Brady walks out of the massage parlor.
And then he's got a car waiting for him.
And then Paul Rudd is like, what the fuck?
And he turns around and says to Tom Brady, I don't know, Tom Brady says something like, this is great.
And Paul Rudd said, is this your first time?
And then Tom Brady just looks at him like, come on.
And then he gets into his SUV and drives off.
Brady was apparently like upset that people thought he was making
fun of Robert Kraft but there's no
other fucking
reason that you're doing this unless
it's the craziest coincidence in the world
that you filmed it a year ago and Robert Kraft
is getting hand jobs at agents of Orchid or whatever
the fuck.
So funny. What do you think
happened? I think he did it to take a little shot at Kraft.
Because Kraft was going to...
No, I thought Kraft was his boy.
Kraft was his boy.
I think he's just like, fuck it, this is funny.
I thought it was just like, hey, man.
And if you talk to...
I sent it on the text thread, so you can find it, Alex, if you don't mind.
And if you talk to anybody who's been around Brady,
same thing with Peyton Manning and all these quarterbacks or whatever.
That's his humor.
If you told anybody,
Brady's a great fucking guy.
People think Brady's this
fucking very stoic,
fucking super competitive.
He's a bro, dude. He went to Michigan.
He chugs beers faster than anybody
could humanly do.
And everybody's around him. You'll never
catch him doing that because he's the consummate pro and he says everything
he's supposed to say when the camera's in front of his face.
But anybody who knows him personally says, yeah, he's a riot to be around.
He's always got jokes.
Same thing with Peyton Manning.
Same thing with a lot of these fucking dudes.
How else are you going to fucking connect to 70 other people on a team every single year?
That's a good ass point.
You know what I'm saying?
You've got to be some sort of charismatic.
So we're not getting real Brady.
No, we don't get real Brady.
Hell no.
We don't get real Brady.
We'll never get real Brady.
It's weird you never see that popping out.
The only time you see a little real Brady is when you see him talking shit to the cornerbacks pregame.
I love that shit.
I love that shit.
I love it.
See him on the sidelines, like, hyping up the fucking fans and shit.
40 years old, just chirping.
This one right here?
Yeah.
Does down there go down
there we go
hell yeah
alright
so it's 41 seconds
are we allowed
to play this
nah nah nah
he's pulling into
Paul Rudd's got glasses on
he's apparently unhappy
he's pulling into
Top Happy Spa
and he's just like
nah he's shaking his head
like nah
I'm not gonna do it
with a fucking cat
in the window
and he's just about to pull out he's shaking his head like, nah, I'm not going to do it. There's a fucking cat in the window. He's just about to pull out.
He's reversing.
And then out walks the God.
Takes a deep breath in.
Looks relieved.
Walks to his car.
That's great.
That is great.
That's great.
First time?
I love Paul Rudd.
So Brady asked Paul Rudd first time
and then
Paul Rudd says uh huh
you
and then Brady just looks at him
and smiles
and gets in the car
love it
great
he's gotta lean into that
I'm pretty sure he ran it by
Kraft first
you think so?
yeah
good for Kraft then
yeah
these billionaires don't give a fuck
he got off
that shit we don't even talk about it't give a fuck he got off that shit
we don't even talk about it
he's like
fuck I got off
and now let me make fun of it
he really did
I got off
and then I got off
that's how you get off
okay what else
what else
oh so this
Alshon Jeffrey thing
this story just broke
as we're about to start recording
but this is very funny
last week there was a source criticizing Doug Peterson an anonymous source Paul Sean Jeffrey thing. This story just broke as we were about to start recording. But this is very funny.
Last week, there was a source criticizing Doug Peterson,
an anonymous source to Josian Anderson,
criticizing Carson Wentz, saying basically,
Wentz and Peterson just kind of go for the big play too often,
and they could check down every once in a while,
and then a couple other little criticisms.
Check down means throw to the running back in the back.
Check down means instead of always trying to throw deep,
there's a running back, there's a tight end who are running shorter routes.
You look for the deep ball first, and if that's not there, you check down,
and you throw it to one of these underneath routes for eight yards, whatever.
Why won't they do it?
Is it ego?
I don't know why.
It doesn't seem like, I mean, I watched the Cowboys game.
They seem to be throwing a lot of the game last night.
It seemed like a lot of 10-yard routes, eight-yard routes, whatever.
But this was just a player that was criticizing that was anonymous.
Alshon Jeffrey, I think, was like, he's the guy that somebody said was Alshon Jeffrey.
And apparently he's been saying, like, I have no idea who it is.
We've got to find this guy.
It could be any number of people.
And then somebody just outed him.
Josina Anderson says, whoever outed Alshon Jeffrey, I forget his name,
that guy has zero knowledge of my sources.
But she also didn't say it wasn't Alshon Jeffrey. She just says he has zero clue
of who I spoke to. That's not saying
it wasn't Alshon. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's like a
tricky wording, I think. So it's quite possibly
Alshon Jeffrey, which is so funny.
What about Nelson Aguilar?
It could be Aguilar, and I don't know if you watched the game.
There was a deep... That's the clip
I wanted to bring up. So yeah, it's 30-10.
Eagles got the ball with 11 minutes left in the fourth quarter.
Wentz throws a deep ball to Nelson Aguilar, who has his cornerback beat.
Beat easy.
Easy.
And if he just extends his arms at all, it seems like he's going to catch it.
He pulls back.
He, like, chicken-armed it.
Did you watch it?
He goes like this.
It's like he thought a safety was coming, but nobody's there.
I think that's what it was.
He thought a safety was coming, but nobody's there.
I think that's what it was.
I think it looks as if he goes out,
and then I think he caught something in his peripheral,
and then he pulled back,
and then he realized a fraction of a second later that it wasn't a safety.
He just caught part of the helmet
or caught something on the sidelines, whatever.
And then he just let his arms go
because he's like, I fucked up.
But it looked as if he quit on the play go because he's like, I fucked up. But it looked as if
he quit on the play.
But he's always been,
he's already been dropping
all those balls
and then that guy
had that amazing...
By the way,
that video...
I wasn't homeless.
He looked like he was homeless.
Whatever that video was,
I don't believe
this motherfucker was...
How come there's no video
of you catching babies?
This is the audio clip
of the guy saying like,
they were having to throw babies out of the fire escape.
We caught them.
We're not like Aguilar or whatever his name is.
We caught the babies.
I would hope if somebody was there, they would also try to catch the babies, not just videotape it.
But there's just nothing.
I don't know.
That's kind of...
Babies are just getting thrown off of balconies and you're just catching all of them?
Also, how many babies?
Is this like a Latina neighborhood?
Are you going to have multiple babies in one apartment?
It's one family with multiple babies?
Physically, that doesn't even make sense.
Yeah, I don't think I believe this clip.
It makes sense.
It makes sense.
That he was catching multiple babies and then just did a reunion point?
A lot of times it's multiple families.
So all these families agreed to have babies at the exact same fucking time.
No, not at the exact same time.
None of them made it out and carried a baby out?
They all just threw them to one or two guys?
Hey.
Gotta have a plan, bro.
Now that you bring this up, this is quite interesting.
How are there multiple babies on the floor?
I know for a fact.
I know lots of people who've had families where it's like they're brothers and sisters or whatever.
All of them in the same.
Not Nigeria. I thought you were going to say, I know multiple people who've had families where it's like they're brothers and sisters or whatever, all of them are the same. Not Nigeria.
I thought you were going to say, I know multiple people who have caught babies.
I was going to be like, get the cat out of the room.
No, no.
I'm just saying like it's perfectly logical to have like brothers and sisters who have kids that all live in the same building.
Okay, but all of them throwing their baby out the window to one or two guys.
Like none of them are like, nah, I got this, man.
Instead of throwing my child, I'll just carry him down the steps.
Because I got to get out. Listen, if there's
a blazing fire there, you probably don't think
the best. I don't know.
I just think it's a little suspicious. There's no footage
of this whatsoever. In a world where everything else
gets caught on camera. Well, shit's on fire, bro.
There's babies flying. Everything else gets caught on camera.
Maybe some people were like, yo, let's try to help
these people. You know how many deaths I've seen on camera?
That's what most people do, and it's fucked up, but the reality is most people, like, yo, let's try to help these people. You know how many deaths I've seen on camera? That's what most people do, and it's fucked up.
But the reality is most people, instead of saving, will just start taping.
Well, I'm sure if you look hard enough, there's some sort of video there.
Nothing exists.
I'm sure it's there.
Nothing exists.
Also, you're not going to drop one of the babies.
Every throw is perfect.
Yeah.
And none of these babies get injured.
That's why I had to catch that smoke.
That's why I had to catch that smoke.
Because I see how fucking easy it is.
These are babies.
You can't catch dead pigskin.
Pigskin.
Pigskin.
Anyway.
Yeah.
So apparently it's Alshon Jeffery that's talking shit about his own team.
And he got outed.
And it's so funny because I've just always been curious who the anonymous sources are.
And this time we found out and it's like, this is hilarious.
It is hilarious.
Carson Wentz is kind of ass, yo.
He's kind of ass. I always fear
the Eagles. I still don't think the season is over.
But it is
the NFC least. Yeah, it's the
NFC least. It's a horrible division. But
they look really bad right now.
I mean, I thought you farted.
That was your phone.
Yeah, man.
I mean, I remember in the beginning of the season when Dak Prescott got fucking contract numbers.
And they were like, oh.
Have that been resolved at all with Dak?
No.
The big thing was like, he should get paid more than Carson Wentz.
His numbers are better across the board.
Immediately, I was like, yo, Dak Prescott, you're not better than Carson Wentz.
I look at the numbers, I look at the win-loss percentage,
and then I see last game.
Pretty much every number I've seen,
Dak Prescott's a little bit better.
Dude, I was never big on Carson Wentz.
I get caught up on the draft shit.
If you're a first-round guy,
and then you cook in your rookie year,
and then you win a Super Bowl.
Oh, Carson Wentz's second year,
he was going to be MVP.
Oh, for sure.
For sure, for sure.
But, I mean, Prescott's definitely made his case that he needs to be one of the highest
paid quarterbacks in the league and definitely be paid more than Carson Wentz.
Yo, did you guys see that one play?
You know the play where Dak ran in for a touchdown?
Yeah.
If you look at the sideline camera footage of it, it's really funny because Zeke is running
it out.
Yeah.
And when Zeke noticed it, did you see it? I think I know what you're gonna say go ahead say it say it when zeke didn't get the
ball he was pissed yo dude it was like what a fucking cunt this this when he noticed that he
wasn't gonna get the pass yeah and it that dac was going for it you can see him visibly put his
arms down and he kind of
gets pushed out of bounds by the linebacker
or whoever's covering him.
Was it Jenkins? Malcolm Jenkins, yeah.
But it was like, bro, you can't even be interested
to see if Dak gets in.
I'm not a huge Zeke fan, man.
I don't trust the guy's character fully.
I just don't. I just don't. Let's say he don't get in?
Yeah. Then I understand
the attitude. Because you're like, fam, just give
it to me. This is what I do. I'll bully myself in.
Yep. But bro, to be upset
and your team hasn't even
not scored the touchdown yet.
I wanted that money, bro. But is that
common sense? He got paid, though. That's what that's confusing me.
He already got paid. He doesn't get incentives for
touchdowns. I doubt it, bro. You already got a $100 million
contract. How much more can you get paid? So what happens to you
as like, fuck being a fan. You got a $100 million contract. How much more can you get paid? So what happens to you as like,
fuck being a fan.
Let's say you're the coach.
Like, is that a combo do you have?
I mean,
I think some coaches would.
I don't think Garrett would.
But I think like a hard-ass coach
or whatever would
at least pull him aside
and be like,
yo, what the fuck is this?
Because Dak's going to see that.
Like, if I saw it.
They're apparently homies
is what's weird.
They're apparently like tight.
Nah, B.
Well, they came in the same year, right?
Dak is on record saying he's my best friend.
I don't know if that means that or not, but he said it.
That's what Dak gives Dak.
Dak always says the right thing.
He reminds me of Russell Wilson a lot.
And Russell Wilson is cornier than Dak.
But there's a clip, there's a tweet I saw.
It's Russell Wilson saying,
let's be great to every single teammate before a game. He goes and gives every one of them five. He goes, let's be great, let's Russell Wilson saying let's be great to every single teammate
before a game
he goes and gives
every one of them five
let's be great
let's be great
let's be great
and it's like
that's just a fucking leader
that's what you get
that's what you
Dag is like that
and I think he's cooler
than Russell Wilson
he's not as good
of a quarterback
but he's cooler
so like
it doesn't come across
as corny
but he does the same
kind of shit
so I think
him and Zeke
will be fine
but there is something about Zeke that I'm like,
what is that? You already got paid. Relax.
Is there a little
competition between them? Because they're both
the same, what, they came the same year?
Same year. Both same year.
They're fighting for who's the top dog
in Dallas. You know, the quarterback
is always going to get a lot more love from the people,
but you might think that you're a more skilled player.
I mean, if I had to guess.
Zach is more divisive in Dallas.
Quarterbacks in Dallas are always, unless you win a Super Bowl,
you're not good enough.
Oh, really?
Romo still, a lot of people divided on Romo.
I didn't think he was that great.
Then I realized he just had a shitty supporting cast.
But, like, Danny White, a quarterback in the 80s, really good stats,
very much like Romo.
Made it to three NFC championships, never won.
Everybody in Dallas is like, whatever, yo.
We win chips.
Chips or nothing.
Chips or nothing.
Right now, fan base is very divided on Dak in Dallas.
Can we have a little combo about Amari Cooper?
Yo, he's so fucking-
Oh, he saved that man's career.
Yeah, man.
Amari Cooper was always like that dude coming out of college, too.
I remember him at college, right?
Where'd he go?
No, no, no.
Auburn.
Auburn, right.
Alabama.
It was Alabama or Oklahoma?
It was Alabama.
Pretty sure it was Alabama.
Whatever.
It was red and white.
Anyway, I remember
seeing him in college.
Okay, and he killed it.
Don't get me wrong,
he killed it,
but in college you're also like,
okay, you're not going
against elite corners.
He had a great rookie year
in Oakland,
maybe a good second year,
and then all of a sudden
production kind of dropped off,
and then all of a sudden
we were like,
Oakland is shopping him,
and the Cowboys made the move.
Dumbass Gruden shopped everybody.
Gruden shopped all his blue chip players.
But from what I remember, like reading these Cowboys guys on Twitter or whatever,
they were like, this is the kind of quarterback that Dak Prescott needs.
Really good route runner.
Can do things after.
Like Dez was, throw the ball up i'm gonna get i'll
go get it yeah just trust even if i don't look fucking open throw the ball up i'll go get amari's
like i'm gonna be open and i'm always like i'm gonna run the illest route you've ever seen i'll
be open bro he put this one dude douglas in the spin cycle yeah i was watching this this clip on
espn over and over last night it was this quick little slant, right? He does a fake slant.
Yes.
It's a sluggo, I think it's called.
Slant and go.
Slant and go.
And then all of a sudden you cut up the field and you run like a vertical go route.
Oh, he had the second, and it was almost like he was watching my man's hips.
The second Douglas committed, he was gone.
Yeah, chopped it up.
And Douglas actually recovered pretty well.
I mean, for how beat he was.
There's a game in Philly last year.
I'm pretty sure Amare does not a similar move, but some kind of move in his route.
And legit, if I'm not mistaken, legit tears Ronald Darby's ACL.
Legit Darby tears his ACL on that play.
And you don't see him like, but he goes down.
So something happens. And Amare runs an ill-ass route. So he might have legit torn Darby tears his ACL on that play. And you don't see him, but he goes down. So something happens, and Amari runs an ill-ass route.
So he might have legit torn Darby's ACL.
I remember, what's his face did that?
DeAndre Hopkins on, was it Real Sports?
Hard Knocks.
Somebody was talking mad shit about him.
He runs this wild shit.
He's like, I do this, bro.
I do this, bro.
He runs some fucking crazy-ass route.
Dude guarded him.
I want to say
he's josh norman i might be wrong but it was some like well-known cornerback either fucks up his
foot or his acl or some shit and he's just literally sitting there on the floor like
grabbing his shit so like cooper totally see that happening man like he's been a baller ever since
he got to i mean he was he was already but like that, being a elite receiver in Dallas
is like,
it's a different type of fucking spotlight.
It's being like a center fielder for the Yankees.
What's cool about him is
he's got that Julio Jones thing
where he's just quiet.
Yeah, that's what they need, bro.
He's not like super,
and I love Dez,
but Amar is the opposite
in that he's like quiet.
He don't call attention to himself.
He don't like,
you don't see crazy Amara celebrations.
You don't hear headlines.
He's just a quiet dude.
Did you see the clip of Larry Fitzgerald
and Kyler Murray talking about Julio?
No.
I love when elite, I'll call Larry elite,
elite players show love to,
I just didn't want to put Kyler in there yet,
but show love to their contemporaries.'t want to put Kyler in there yet, but like show love to like their contemporaries.
And they were mic'd up and Larry goes, did you see Julio?
And Kyler's like, yeah.
He goes, he's the best I've ever seen or something like that.
And then Kyler goes, he's massive or something like that.
Like they're just talking about how great the opposing wide receiver.
And Larry's like, yo,
watch him because you're going to learn shit.
I feel like that's easier to do in football
because you don't need to guard that person.
That's true. You can check
your ego a little.
They were saying that shit a lot about
the Seahawks-Ravens game
yesterday. They're like, Lamar Jackson gets to watch
Russell Wilson.
And then he goes out and beats him.
There's a clip you retweeted that was ill.
Son, that shit gave me goosebumps this morning, bro.
The Raven shit?
Bro.
John Harbaugh.
Talk about it.
John Harbaugh is on the sideline.
He's fourth in there on the eight-yard lines, fourth down, right?
Yeah, I think fourth and two, but I'm also just kind of making up a number.
Yeah, it was a goal line.
It was like fourth and like.
Whatever it was. It was an eight-yard run. I think it was a goal line. It was like fourth and like. Whatever it was.
It was an eight-yard run.
I think it was an eight-yard, but then whatever.
It doesn't matter.
Harbaugh's on the sideline.
Lamar comes back to the sideline.
Harbaugh leans over to Lamar,
and there's like a lot of like ruckus and everything going on.
He goes, you want to go for it?
And he goes, and then like Lamar thinks he hears him,
but he's not sure.
He goes, hell yeah, coach, let's go for it.
And then what I thought was really cool was
he looks I think
at his offensive linemen
was that it?
I think so
he leans to someone
and he's like
y'all wanna go for it?
and they're like yeah
but I thought it was really cool
because
I love that dude
dude I fucking love him
but he did it
but it was really cool
because he was like
yeah I wanna go for it
but these are the guys
that are gonna make this room.
Y'all want to do this?
Yeah.
And I wonder if you're like a vet.
Oh, it was great.
I've never seen him show that much emotion.
Like, oh, my God.
But I wonder if.
That's a fucking quarterback.
If you're a vet, if you're a vet O-lineman and like your quarterback goes, are we going to.
Do you want to do this?
Yeah.
I wonder if there's part of you that goes like, oh, no, no.
There will be room provided now.
You put it on me.
Yeah.
You didn't make this decision.
Yeah.
We made this decision.
Yeah.
And it was like
ah dude it was so sick.
That's my quarterback.
That's my quarterback.
What was that?
What was that?
You remember T.O. was crying
after they lost their cowboy game
playoff game
I think it was against the Giants
he's like y'all are being too hard
on Tony Romo.
He's literally crying. In tears. That's my quarterback. That's my quarterback. You've never seen his against the Giants he's like y'all are being too hard on Tony Romo he's literally crying
in tears
that's my quarterback
that's my quarterback
you've never seen his video?
no
he's like
he has sunglasses
he's like bawling crying
it's like Rod Tidwell
and Jerry Maguire
he's crying
but
and I think he was full of shit
but
because he
trashed Romo literally
a year later
I think that's why
it made so much noise
because like weeks going into there
it was like T.O. and Romo, are they getting along?
And he shed tears.
He's a crazy person.
But I think as an offensive lineman, if your quarterback looks to you like that,
it's like, yo, that's my quarterback.
That's my fucking guy.
He cares about me.
He makes me a part of this shit.
It's not about him.
It's about us.
If you're like, y'all want to go for it, let's go for it.
Maybe. Maybe we're reading too much into it, but that's definitely something him. It's about us. If you're like, y'all want to go for it? Let's go for it. Maybe.
Maybe we're reading too much into it, but that's
definitely something I could see happening.
It was just fun. It was just cool.
I don't want to go too
long
because we have this interview that we're adding on this
podcast
right here, my friends, but
there are bills that need to be paid.
I feel like Akash Singh knows how to deliver this because he is the most staunch.
I am a subscriber to The Athletic.
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God, Akash, that was beautiful.
It was absolutely gorgeous.
Okay, so once again, we have an interview with Adam from No Jumper.
So that will be coming up right now.
I warned you guys about this in the beginning of the episode.
So here it comes.
And again, we recorded this last week.
So if there's anything crazy that has happened in the meantime, we did not know.
But yeah, enjoy the interview. Thank you new listeners who are here just to listen to this Adam No Jumper interview.
Hopefully you like the podcast.
You want to check out what we're doing.
If not, fuck you.
It's on site.
It's on site.
It's on site.
On site.
It's on site.
All right?
On site.
Without further ado, flagrant two, Adam from No Jumper.
We are going to explain to you why his threesomes must be the worst possible.
Indulge.
Special guest.
Very special guest.
Special guest in the building.
Adam 22, also known as Adam No Jumper,
also known as No Jumper,
connoisseur of private Snapchat girls.
Gangster rappers.
Basically anyone with a horrible childhood.
Adam will find a way to make money off of you.
I'm guessing by them tattoos he relates.
Yeah, right?
We're going to keep it up.
I may have to survive.
I respect that. You come from New a vibe you had a you had you come from
new hampshire oh you had a good childhood right you were bmxing in those streets in those cul-de-sacs
if you will for real and and then you went to start this i don't even want to call it music
because it's not only music it's multimedia youtubers porn stars the whole
nine yeah right in la um adam thank you so much for coming here i've done the no jumper podcast
a few times i always have fun out there with you i really thought it was a sports podcast before i
went the first time really so we're gonna talk about sports all the time that's amazing son i
100 did i i thought the whole thing with no jumper was is that you were a guy like you could dunk or
get to the rim but you just couldn't pull up so listen why why name it that just because there's
that gucci song bricks where he said i'm balling like an athlete but got no jumper and we actually
made like a list of like 100 different song lyrics that we just thought sounded tight and we just
sort of like went through it over and over and just found that and just figured that
was one effort but thought like it sounded like something and we could get the url
so you were thinking i'm always i'm always curious for uh about people who
get uh unaccidental success because there are people who have accidental success and they often flame out, but there are people who have purposeful success.
And even though they may experience their fair share of problems in their career, which we know you probably have gone through,
they manage to kind of reinvent and do something.
How early on do you think you understood the internet space
and how lucrative it was going to be for you?
I mean, really, I have full memories of being like 14 years old
with an internet connection and just not being able to go to bed
until like 4 in the morning, even though I had school at 6
because I was so obsessed with the internet.
You know, it's like you kind of just are drawn towards things,
and those are the things that you should probably listen to your body. Like I are the things that, you know, you should probably like listen to your body.
Like I'm sure for you, like you don't have a hard time going to do comedy.
Love it.
You know?
Love it.
Like myself, I have a hard time going to the gym.
Yes.
I'm not an athlete.
Like that's just not like who I really am.
Yeah.
But like for me, like doing podcasts, I'm super drawn towards it.
So I feel like I'm swimming in the right direction.
Like internet always just 100 like even before i had i like even had like the mental tools to understand
that i was so drawn towards it it was all i could think about was just you know writing shit online
the communities are popping up i was on but did you know you were going to monetize it because
that's something that i've always found you did quite well it's like it's not just put out the
videos or do the interviews with the strippers or this type of shit it's like there was a moment
where you were playing other people's music online you remember that i still do that do they shut that
down no that's like literally like the best monetization angle we have going more or less
so how does that work do you have like a streaming deal with with the podcast live on youtube the
same way that people like play video games except that we just play people's soundcloud links or play their youtube videos and give them
thoughts about their shit and the chat destroys them or compliments them one or the other and
we're just sort of like i don't know people go crazy for this shit but in terms of like
monetization to be real i remember even because like my first big thing that i did that actually
made sense as like a business online was i I started basically the first BMX blog in 2006 called TheComeUp.com.
Blog or vlog?
Blog.
Yeah, yeah.
It was just like BMX news, gossip, videos, et cetera.
I remember that blog.
Yeah, but that was kind of new because at the time I was just influenced by Nat Wright and Two Doughboys and all these rap blogs and shit that were popping up.
And I was like, oh, I could do like a BMX version.
And that was my first inroad to doing anything that could actually be monetized.
And I was totally blind to the reality of like, oh, you can get people to give you money
for banner ads on the side.
I had to like figure it all out from scratch.
I was just not like educated about that at all.
But you realize that there was money there.
Yeah.
Because at the time I was playing online poker and man that is really not the way of life that you want to have bro it's like so many hours
just sitting there i was pissing in this jug it was because you know you can't get up you got eight
tables going it's like you gotta run to the bathroom and bag it might take you like a solid
minute and you're gonna get timed out on half of your tables.
Right.
So I would keep a jug under my table, and I was just pissing the jug.
How much money did you make on online poker?
I mean, I was doing pretty good for a while for those years.
Because those early years, I didn't realize it, but I got into it in boom times, like 2003, 2004, 2005.
That was the main time that I was really playing nonstop.
And it was stupid easy.
I'm not under the illusion that I could be a winning online poker player now because the game is so much tougher
it's insane how much it's progressed but at that time I was doing pretty good I was probably doing
like low six figures a year which to me as like a 21 year old like college dropout I was pretty
fucking hyped but it was like that time just spent online where I was constantly looking for
something to distract me online because I just wanted to like i was just looking for different blogs and
stuff because i or just news websites whatever because i'm just sitting there playing poker all
day and i just always want something to be able to glance over at and stuff right and i'd be
messaging people on aim or whatever but i would end up looking a lot of message boards i'd look
at blogs a lot and i just sort of ended up seeing that gap in the bmx game and to
be honest i just like completely dominated that whole world for like 10 years and then at some
point got kind of bored and started doing podcasts and vlogs and stuff and then that sort of like
transitioned over to me doing a lot of rappers yeah how the fuck do you get in go from bmx
to hip-hop do those worlds collide at all they do just in the sense that like the average BMX here is just out riding his bike, listening
to fucking rap songs in his headphones all day.
So I was always just riding BMX and making BMX videos and just whatever.
So I was like, I always just was just a rap fan as like a young kid.
Like I was obsessed with like Snoop and Wu-Tang and everything out of New York and all this
shit.
And then like, I feel like with me just having that kind of career path where i didn't really have to like ever stop just like
listening to rap music 24 7 i just like gradually got deeper and deeper into it and then i was just
like downtown l.a running a bike shop and like because we just started a bike shop there in like
2013 or whatever yeah and that was and then it just so happens that like soundcloud rap was
basically like happening all around there so there's just all these rappers like stopping
by the shop and shit downtown it was like one of the cheapest places you can live in la
so it's like i was just meeting all these rappers and that just sort of like led to me doing
interviews with them just because i was already doing bmx interviews and then that sort of just
like snowballed it was kind of intentional that i wanted to start a podcast but it being so hip-hop focused was definitely not like my original
intention it just sort of like worked out that i knew a lot more about it than anything else
yeah you said you followed like not rights and two dope boys and like these type of like successful
rap blogs or that what made you want to like kind of focus on the i mean because you attract a
certain type of artist for your shit right so i mean i was just like i was just friends with a few different people that were in that sort
of like florida like post raider clan era of like you know xavier wolf and bones and puya and rob
banks and all these different types of dudes who are sort of like the predecessors to like x and
little pump and smoke perp and all that shit like they sort of like were the generation of like the predecessors to like X and Lil Pump and Smokepurpp and all that shit like they
sort of like were the generation of like SoundCloud rappers before that and I was like cool with all
them so it just so happened that like when all these young kids start getting into the rap game
they're sort of like looking at me as like the only one that's maybe interested in interviewing
them because the mainstream like rap world hadn't necessarily sort of caught up to the idea that you
want to be doing content with the dope new rappers that are just now popping up you could probably get more views doing an interview with some kid who
got face tattoos and green hair who just popped up two weeks ago that people are interested in then
you know a fucking like i would love to do a ti interview but i'll probably get more views doing
an interview with some fucking green hair little freak because those kids that are watching don't
care about ti the way they care about this green also there's just more supply of ti and it's new right there's if you're a ti fan there's
a million fucking ti interviews you guys own podcasts you know and i say that as someone who
like on a personal level i would way rather interview ti than like tomorrow's flavor of the
week i mean that's that's kind of what i was trying to get into i just did a panel with the
rolling out guys with like tarik and zach and they kind of have like a similar story where like they were cool with the South Florida dudes.
And, you know, that's just who they were around.
So, you know, a lot of times that's what kind of helped them blow up.
Yeah.
I was looking at their list of all the flyers, like everything they ever did.
And like the first Rolling Loud with like Schoolboy Q headlining.
And it's like not that many like big artists.
It was very chill in comparison to what they've built it up to.
It's actually insane.
Now do you,
I mean like,
you know,
with these artists,
you know,
a lot of times they go on your show,
they're kind of talking about legal shit,
like talking about stuff that would definitely get them in trouble.
Like you don't ever feel like that's kind of like exploitive of,
I mean,
especially these kids are barely 16,
15 years old.
And I feel like for the most part,
it's like,
we're not really putting out anything that's going to get them in trouble or whatever.
There's definitely been times like, I mean, I'll give you an example.
Like I did a vlog with Stupid Young, who's this Cambodian rapper from Long Beach.
And we just went out and vlogged all day.
And like he at one point sees like a machine gun sitting there in this fucking garage that is like broken.
It's like it's just like a machine gun that's sitting there.
I don't know.
I guess they just have machine guns to these Cambodian guys.
And so he just picks it up and points it at the camera
and goes, like, whatever, like that.
He caught a charge from it because he's a fucking felon
and he's not allowed to be handling firearms at all,
including for that second.
I would have definitely not put that in the video
if I knew that.
I was about to ask.
It's like, you know, if you're doing this show
and you're very well aware of hip-hop cops
and people that see all this shit.
And they know you have one of the more popular shows.
He wasn't mad about it, to be honest, because he knew that he should have been smarter to not pick that up and do it on camera.
And he also knew that I would have took it out if he had mentioned it.
Because that does happen.
Just the other day, somebody said something mildly homophobic on the podcast.
And he hit me up afterwards and was like, yo, like you think that should sound weird.
And I was,
I was already like removed it.
Like I already told my guy to remove it because I was like,
I know that he doesn't know how weird that sounded.
And I don't feel like dragging him through that,
you know?
And it's like,
I feel like the main thing is like,
if somebody has an open case,
then it's like,
you have to be really,
really consider that especially.
And also it's like,
if the person is too,
is not necessarily like smart enough to realize the negative consider that especially and also it's like if the person is too is not
necessarily like smart enough to realize the negative implications that are gonna or the
ramifications that are gonna have on their career if they say a certain thing it is kind of like on
me at a certain point but then again it's like i really only interview so many like interviewing
like 16 year old kids that just straight up like don't know any better is like a small part of my
thing it's and most like young kids like that how's what i was gonna say let's be honest work that's what my first thought yeah
was you said i would rather interview ti and i was like so you're interviewing these kids that
seems like work why would you do work when all we're trying to do is not work here essentially
well i mean i just interviewed a little teca who's like or like a couple months ago but like he's
like one of the biggest new artists of the year. It's like my audience straight up like wants me to do that interview
because they want to hear what he has to say
and they also want me to be the one to do it
because I feel like if Lil Tecca goes in and does an interview with Ebro,
it's going to be a lot of like,
It's very different.
Wow, you're like a kid.
This is crazy.
Okay, here's another question I have.
It's like every once in a while you come across a teen that happens to be a superstar.
Right?
Yeah.
X being one of them.
Did you know it instantly when you're sitting down for the interview?
Did you know instantly this kid had a magnetism that few people in the world have?
Just a gravity that
brought everything around him
closer.
My thing is,
knowing what I know now, I definitely
think I would have been able to be
smart enough to say, so you have a record deal,
you have a manager, you got anything going on, and
try to help lead him in the right direction. At that
time, I was still kind of too green to it
that my only thought was like, oh, he's dope like actually i really i think that kid's a
star like i'm glad we did the interview i'll probably stay in touch with him but at that time
i like wasn't like with it enough to really like try to harness it so you didn't know he was gonna
blow up you know i thought his shit was dope but i also thought it was too abrasive and sort of like
noisy to necessarily have a super mainstream audience,
you know,
because at that point,
most of his shit really was in that vein.
And then all of a sudden,
like a year later,
he's got like a number one album that is like a fucking campfire album.
You know,
it's like he completely went in like,
and even that,
when I heard that album,
I'm like,
man,
I'm so glad that he did this like beautiful artistic project that he's so passionate about.
But I don't know that his fans are going to want to hear this.
And they loved it.
I was so wrong.
They loved it.
Way more than they probably would have even gravitated towards some straight hip-hop shit, to be real.
I think to follow up, maybe this is what you were asking, but to follow up on that, when you sit down with these kids, do you feel the star quality is what I was...
Are you like, oh, shit, I can just feel like an aura.
This kid is a star.
Sometimes... Or do they just have fucking face tattoos and that's a weird thing but like Lil Tecca is like the most ordinary looking kid with braces and I'm gonna be real like I thought
like oh he's got a hit song that song's huge but I didn't know that it was gonna be like top 10 like
crazy long-running hit smash song yeah and I was also just kind of looking at him like
this kid's tight
but i didn't know like i don't really know why kids have gravitated towards him so much over the
past or like polo g is another dude that i interviewed like maybe six months ago and his
connection with the audience is insane like his streaming numbers are ridiculous i really think
he's good musically but i mean there's been a lot of artists that i thought were pretty fucking good
musically that didn't take off so it's like you can have a lot of artists that I thought were pretty fucking good musically that didn't take off. So it's like, you can have a lot of faith in somebody, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they're
really going to take it the whole way, you know? And honestly, when you start like picking these
dudes or like paying attention, like as an interviewer, I don't really have that much of
an incentive to find out about somebody when they're 14, unless they have like a big song
when they're 14. But somebody told me they're like, yo, it's like, you're a basketball scout
because it was just very topical for, for this. but he's like you know because in reality it's like
you're looking at these kids to try to identify the good things about them before they've even
developed it enough that they that it's obvious to other people it's like you can see a kid who's got
like you know he's really tall and slender muscular he's got great ball control whatever
the you guys talk about it's kind of like that where it's like with little tech it's like i've sent i felt he had a really really
good sense of melody felt like he was just like a cool kid did not know that people were going to
gravitate towards like because he doesn't have any kind of like crazy image or anything but you've
got to know with your audience and you know with uh with the type of artists you provide you've
attract yeah that you know you're more of it you're more than a tastemaker. Like if somebody
goes to your podcast, no matter what the fuck they're rapping about, talking about, they're
going to get some sort of bump, something significant. But I feel like I can only shed
light on what they're already doing because if somebody is like hilarious and great on camera
and they come to the podcast and they give a convincing endorsement of their music or whatever,
then that could definitely help them blow up. Think of it like a it like a late night show where it's like, I may not know
about you, I may know that you have enough
buzz to get my attention, but
if you kill it on
Leno or fucking Fallon or some shit,
well, not Fallon, but back in the day, if you
killed it on Leno and Letterman, oh,
okay, I'm going to go watch this guy's
one hour stand-up. I'm going to go buy this guy's album.
I'm going to go do that. So you have to know what
that sort of responsibility
that you have, especially with these kids that are
young and don't really know.
I feel lucky
to even get to do that interview when
I have the dope new 15-year-old rapper
on the podcast because it is kind of absurd
for me to be talking about somebody so much younger than
me and everything, but at the same time,
I'm fighting to get that fucking interview. I'm
fighting right now to get a fucking NLE Choppa interview interview and it's just like the label's just being dickheads
about it and i talked to him and he wants to make it happen we're just like going back and forth and
shit he's 16 but he's like one of the dopest guys out there like his like i wish i got that podcast
six months ago if i can get it now that's still good you know just wait you'll get pushback from
a label i mean the label just always has them on
these insane schedules that like they're just torn and and recording or whatever against it they're
just not available yeah i would say for the most part they're not against it but also i do feel
like the label sometimes like there are artists that they want to like conserve their interviewing
because the truth is if you come out and just do 20 full-length fucking interviews then you've
blown the whole load there's nothing left to give you know but if you come out and just do 20 full-length fucking interviews, then you've blown the whole load. There's nothing left to give, you know?
But if you come out and do one dope-ass podcast
that becomes like the blueprint for your career
and people keep going back to it or whatever,
or if you're like,
Jay-Z's like the best dude to ever market himself through interviews
because every single time he did an interview,
he hit you with some crazy shit, went viral about it,
like made magazine tabloid headlines
and shit like that.
And he even said in the song, he's like, and my interviews are hotter.
So he knew exactly what he was doing.
Yeah.
And in the late 90s, which is crazy.
Yeah.
There's a video that you had out that I thought was quite hilarious and also frightening of
the guy pulling a gun on you during the interview yeah did you
think when you were bmxing and then you transition to rap were you like there's no way this could be
more dangerous oh man i gotta blow my nose you see that booger just came out my nose
flashbacks bro yeah no no no surprise surprise. That did take me by surprise for real.
So tell me about that.
Yeah, what's going through your mind?
What happened?
What happened?
I thought that was staged.
No, no.
It looked like something you was kind of doing for clout.
No, and I get that.
It kind of looked like that, to be real.
I don't really blame people for thinking that,
but what really happened was I was just doing that thing
we were talking about, playing music in the back of the store,
just chilling, and then all of a sudden, my guy went out to get the delivery, and then he comes back in.
And when the doors cracked open for a second, this fucking kid just runs in with a mask on.
And he fucking puts his gun in my face and says, give me all your fucking money.
Do you want to die?
Blah, blah, blah.
And so my friend stands up and pulls his gun out and puts it to the fucking kid's head and doesn't shoot,
but then just smacks him in the side of the head with it and just proceeds to beat the dog shit out of him,
knocks him out, and then we're going through his pockets and shit, being like,
who the fuck is this kid?
We're looking at all his shit, and we had to call the cops.
The cops tried to convince us that they didn't need to come, and we were like-
Wait, what do you mean?
tried to convince us that they didn't need to come.
And we were like,
wait,
what do you mean?
Like these lazy fucking cops were just like,
they're like,
they're like,
but you,
you already handled the situation. And we're like,
yeah,
we handled it,
but we have an unconscious Filipino child in our store.
Right.
And,
and like,
there's a,
like,
what am I supposed to do with this gun?
I feel like if I throw this gun away,
that's definitely not a good idea.
You don't want your prints on the gun at all.
No.
And it was a fake gun too. It was like a prop gun. It was a fake gun. I feel like if I throw this gun away, that's definitely not a good idea. Yeah, you don't want your prints on the gun at all. No, and it was a fake gun too.
It was like a prop gun.
It was a fake gun?
Yeah.
Shit.
So he almost got killed
for real off a prank.
Yeah.
Did he say why he was doing it?
Did you get to talk to him after?
We don't know.
And actually,
the other day,
I went to fucking court
and was like around him.
I'm sitting like fucking
three feet away from this kid.
And I only went into court
because I actually wanted to like figure out what the fuck the deal was,
like why this kid felt the need to do that because, I mean, it's a fake gun.
So it's like I guess he probably knew that he wasn't going to like get a W in this situation
since it's like at the end of the day he knows there's a bunch of people there.
You're going to get beat up since you have a fake gun that you're not going to be able to shoot
unless he thought he was going to take everybody hostage, which may be hilarious. Which may be in his fucking stupid ass brain.
He actually did think that.
I mean, that's major cloud points.
If he robs all of you with a fake gun?
Yeah.
Oh, dude.
Imagine he had us hostage for a couple hours.
That would have been a story.
Is that right?
He robbed a bunch of mob bosses, I think.
But with a fake gun?
I don't know if it was a fake gun.
I got to re-watch that shit.
Was that John Q?
Is that the movie?
Oh, yeah.
That's how I watched it then.
John Q the Beast.
So it's a weird situation where I feel like you're one of the most accessible, famous people.
Do you get scared about that?
And let me just clarify to anybody listening.
You have this store still that's on Melrose that you're at probably daily when you're in L.A.
You're like a white Nipsey Hussle.
Come see me at my stores.
I'm out here for you.
Melrose instead of Crenshaw.
In the whole time since
Nipsey passed, I never thought about it like that at all.
That's fucking funny.
Dude, it might be it.
You're not worried that people are going to come for you?
People are going to try to rob you?
I just feel like I refuse to like really
Fundamentally like change my lifestyle just because of the rare occasion that somebody's gonna want to do something to me
So like at the store, yeah, we do have security and like realistically
It's like I have friends who have weapons on them and shit like that
but I'm just not gonna live my life like a fucking pussy just because of the off chance that somebody's gonna want to do something to
Me because I'm famous or whatever.
Like, I'm not,
I just don't fucking care.
Like, I'll handle that situation if it happens.
You know, it's like,
I've been walking around
the city all day
taking pictures.
Like, me and Dave
were just talking about that.
Like, ain't nobody
going to do anything.
There ain't no tough dudes out here.
We're walking around Times Square.
Like, what the fuck?
People are selling CDs and shit.
You know, it's like,
we're in Central Park and shit.
It's not like I'm walking around.
I'm just fucking it out
in the most populated place
in the world.
What I'm going to be real with you
is that my whole 20s
was spent fucking riding my bike
in Brownsville
and fucking all these different parts
of New York and shit.
As a kid,
we were always in terrible neighborhoods
with expensive camera equipment
and just kind of got some weird level of respect from the average dude
who's in the projects that they're not going to take this camera from you.
They were going to wait for you to fall off the bike, and then they'd rob you.
Listen, I know plenty of people got robbed, so it's not like it doesn't happen,
but it just never happened to me, and I never fucking walked around like,
oh, I'm going to just completely avoid this situation because it's risky.
Fuck that.
I'm going to just fucking live my life, and if I get my shit took or somebody want to beat me up it's like all right you caught
me slipping now back to like your content a little bit like you call like a lot of people call you a
culture vulture um i was one of them for a long time and you know you said like you know you're
you want to interview like the tis of the world like the people like the music that you listen
to yourself so like you have this audience you have you the world, like the people, like the music that you listen to yourself. So like you have this audience,
you have,
you've built up this massive fan base.
Like if these are the people that you want to talk to,
why not just talk to them instead of,
you know,
doing this?
I do it all.
Okay.
I mean,
I like interviews.
I know you interview like people from all walks of life as well,
but like.
For me,
it's like I can interview Selena Powell
and get a bunch of crazy ass ratchet stories
about her robbing rappers and shit.
And then I can interview fucking, you know, I had Trey the Truth on the other day and
I had Ryan Holiday.
It was like, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Fire author.
Yeah.
He's, yeah, I had him on the other day.
What's your take on that?
I like him a lot.
He's like one of my favorite people for sure.
You don't think it's...
You kind of look like a bizarre version of him.
Yeah.
Well, we just had him on Idiots.
We just had him on Idiots had him on And I thought he was
An interesting guy
He's a good guy
He's one of
He's one of these guys
That kind of takes
Eastern philosophy
And like blends it into
Like inspirational
Yeah
Like literature
Right
Who's the guy that
There's another guy
That did that like 10 years ago
All of them
Malcolm Galdwell
No
Galdwell
What's it called
Your mom used to read him, I think.
Deepak Chopra?
No.
The guy who has a book where he's fuck is always in the title in some way.
Oh, fuck.
I know.
The Charlemagne Post had a book like that.
Yeah, we had him on as well.
Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck.
Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck.
And there's another one.
I forget his name.
We had him on the podcast too.
Great guys.
Nice guy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ryan, nice guy. My one hesitation with Ryan was when I saw him wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt.
He was talking about that with me.
He said it was his favorite band for like 20 years.
Really?
Yeah.
Really?
Which is good because I don't want to see Ryan Holiday rocking an ironic band shirt.
It's like when Aziz had the Metallica shirt on.
Oh, come on.
I was like, really, bro?
Name six Metallica songs, dog.
I need you to name six.
Listen, you're allowed to rock that once in a while.
I'm with it, but if it was part of like,
I'm going to the Breakfast Club and Brilliant Idiots
and I want to have a look that is endearing to this audience.
This is a marketing guy.
That's his background before the literature.
And I'm like, is he really about this
or did he notice a white space in the market and he's smart enough to seize it and give these
people the inspiration and motivation that they need in a digestible form based on this
Eastern philosophy?
Because my favorite thing about the Eastern philosophy motivation shit is we really act
like in the East, they're all calm and chilling.
We really act like in the East, they're all calm and chilling.
It's like, ask the Chinese if the Japanese were really calm when they raped them and killed them.
You know what I'm saying?
I don't know if the whole East is really the most easy place.
Rape is pretty popular in India.
You know what I mean?
I don't think they're out here just meditating all the time. But Ryan Holiday's whole thing is that he just will straight up hit you with anecdotes about fucking JFK and then about some band and then about something that some stoic philosopher said
is that he basically will just decide that this is the point he wants to make
and then he compiles evidence of this from a period of thousands and thousands of years.
And that is what I find kind of interesting about it
is just because he's got a very orderly brain
that he's sort of organized all of this.
And accepting it.
I was unimpressed, bro.
I'm going to be honest with you.
We were in the car.
He's been humming in his whole time.
I have, bro.
I've seen you start just now.
It breaks my heart to say it,
because I know how much Charlotte loves him,
and he's a sweet guy.
But I'm sitting there with him, and it's like,
are you really going to tell me to focus on the now?
Right.
You really needed a whole book to say focus on the now?
You're not wrong.
And don't get me wrong.
There's value to a messenger, meaning the way, here's a perfect example,
the way X communicated to his fan base was different than the way you could
communicate to his fans or I could communicate to his fans.
Same thing with Pac and the same thing with, you know, Jay,
the same thing with Jordan Peterson,
the same thing with maybe Sam Harris a little bit, though he's kind of whatever.
But like there's ways that people communicate
and there are mouths that need to be fed with that information.
I just, when I sat down, I wasn't blown away
like I have been when I sat down with certain people.
No, but I get it that you're such a sarcastic piece of shit that it's impossible for you,
and I'm completely in the same boat.
It's impossible for you to imagine making a book and putting it out there with the book
being just completely sincere, positive motivation and inspiration for people who maybe don't
have their lives together because I completely understand where you're coming from because I'm somebody who really kind of has my life together and I don't
Really need any motivational fucking books and when I'm reading Ryan holiday shit
It's like I you just confirm it's kind of aimed at a different audience
You read it so you could go I do be doing
read it so you could go i do be doing that i do be thinking to myself every day and i do be grateful and shit i don't really know how this life works but there was a time period in my life where i
straight up needed to hear that kind of shit and i'm also going to say like his new book is called
the stillness yeah we had him on and a lot of it is sort of emphasizing like you know you don't
need to be on twitter 24 7 think. Think about what you actually allocate time
in your brain towards.
And I mean, even as much as that is a fucking dead horse
that's kind of being beaten,
it is still a point that needs to be made
because even the most basic positive advice,
we still kind of need it,
no matter how completely blackened our souls are.
You are.
You're like, if Ryan Holiday is the angel on the shoulder
and then you're the fucking devil over here
in the red hood and your image is all point four, too.
I don't think it's super darkness.
He just has an extreme skepticism on every single thing.
I'm very similar.
I'm very similar.
I am skeptical, bro.
I think as a comic, that's like a required personality.
Yeah, we tend to be, you know.
Whatever you're saying.
As comics, they got to question everything.
Everything that's like the status quo.
Modern day Socrates, all of us.
Like, I had that, like, I was talking to that Weinstein guy. You know Eric Weinstein?
And he got
a wine scene.
I was talking about that
wine scene.
How to do auditions.
I had a completely different perspective
on how to do it.
I was talking to him and he got upset
at me because I was teasing him on the fighter
and the kid.
I just love these guys.
I find them so funny, these free speech guys.
These guys who are like, it's all about free speech and freedom of ideas and all this kind of stuff.
But they're very specific with the ideas that are supposed to be free.
And then I research all these guys, and they all have some billionaire backer who really tells them what the fuck to say. it's like you don't have free speech you think eric got one of them peter teal
that's daddy yes bro i gotta look into that oh come on dude you think you really get paid to
think this shit ain't rome i mean what are we doing right now we're it. Bluechew.com. We got ad rope. We selling boners, dog.
Yo, you want to do a line right now?
We got a picture on.
Come on, man.
Come on, man.
We want to do a line of Blue Chews.
Yo, but you need that for your fucking sex drive.
My dig game, Diesel.
No, but that's the thing that drives me insane about, like, as a person who's always just
been sort of paying attention to, like, DMX, skateboarding, music, online, that was my
main thing.
I always was kind
of like you know sort of interested in politics but never like fully got really interested in
dot com every day or whatever but now i mean sort of the whole trump thing has sort of thrust us all
into the political spectrum yeah and now i pay a lot more attention to like independent sort of
like you know uh political pundits on youtube and stuff like that and i kind of like always
like assumed in my
mind that like the level of discourse would be a lot higher than it is in hip-hop and stuff in
terms of like intelligence and stuff i really do not find that at all because to be honest like
so many of these youtube dudes who just talk about politics make fucking videos every day
talking about the exact same shit and how the Democrats are fucking...
You understand when you're talking to hip-hop people,
you're typically...
You especially are interviewing people
who are successful at a thing.
When you're talking to political pundits,
you're talking to critics
who have never made a thing.
They're just watching and having an opinion
and calling themselves a pundit on YouTube
where there's no need for any...
I'm a pundit.
I'm where the fuck I want to be on YouTube.
The people I know who write about
music are a million times more
interesting than anyone that I know
who talks about politics. It's just such a boring
fucking conversation. For the average person
they're just incentivized to make videos
over and over and over saying the same shit.
I would guess the level of discourse, intelligence
wise, has plummeted since Trump got in office.
Because now all you gotta do is say
oh he's so hateful.
How can he say this?
Oh, he's the guy that speaks for us on both sides.
It's just the dumbest people saying the most obvious things.
It's obvious.
Yeah, it's awful.
Yeah, but you got to admit,
the way that politicians talk to each other now is kind of lit.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
They are going in.
Like, it's bars.
In a lot of ways, he's joking.
The only way politics roasts.
It's a lot more entertaining.
Somebody said the way
we're going to decide a president this year, next year,
is who has the best. Rose battle. Yeah, rose battle.
Whoever has the best Twitter
clapbacks and shit. I'm not going to
sit through two hours of a debate, but if
Kamala Harris makes fun of Trump, like,
oh shit, got my vote.
I'm waiting for when he calls
Elizabeth Warren Pocahontas to her face. That's Warren G. That's not Elizabeth Warren. That's Warren G. That's what we're waiting for. I'm waiting for when he calls Elizabeth Warren Pocahontas to her face.
That's Warren G.
That's not Elizabeth Warren.
That's Warren G.
That's Warren G?
That's Warren G.
I want him to show up to the debate with the same amount of necklaces and shells that the
colonizers gave the Native Americans from Manhattan.
That's the shit that fucks me up because it's like-
Just gives her a feather.
You can't play his game, bro.
But they try to.
That's what I'm saying.
You're trying to out insult motherfuckers.
Did you see Trump's-
I think Warren could get in there better than the rest of them.
But did you see what-
So she had an interesting clip that I got caught on.
That's what I mean, Andrew Yang, who will cook Trump.
Nah, nah, he not.
You think right now with this whole China ordeal-
Yo, Andrew Yang ain't cooking nothing. You think right now with this whole China ordeal yo Andrew Yang
cooking nothing
you think right now
with this whole China ordeal
we ready for Andrew Yang
to be president
that's a good point
trying to body in the NBA
trying to body in LeBron
trying to body in all of our heroes
that's something we could talk about
yo real talk
F.A. said something real funny
he was like
he was like
I bet you the most searched
porn topic is
like Chinese on black
probably probably never secret you the most searched porn topic is like Chinese on black.
Probably.
I can probably never see this to be honest.
If I walk outside and I see it's on black.
Asian dude holding hands with a black chick.
Don't you think that we would all be like.
Oh, yeah.
That's our sensei, bro.
Bron had a rough week.
No, we're not.
We're not going to talk. We'll're not gonna talk We'll talk about that
We'll talk about that later
With people who know about sports
That's your meal ticket
Yeah
So
So we have a
Oh no
We come hard at
At Ronnie
But um
That's one of my meal tickets
That's his
You can't just NBA
You're a shill
Nah
We go hard
We go very hard
But it's just one of those discussions where
since you don't give a fuck about basketball,
it doesn't matter.
And I'd rather talk to you about
this pornography thing that you do.
Because you're in pornography.
We just had Jessa Rhodes on last week.
Do you know her?
I do, yeah.
She's very cool.
I don't know her in real life,
but I've seen her work.
You've seen her work?
I haven't seen much work.
I still haven't seen the work.
Is she very good?
I think she's-
How is she rated
amongst the porn community?
I don't know about her rating,
but I think she's
well-respected in the field.
She's an artist?
A lot of these girls
really do take a lot of pride
and they're fucking like that.
They should.
Really?
They absolutely should.
They're super competitive with it
and I'll hear them talk
about other girls
and be like,
oh, I can't believe
she got this award.
She doesn't even know
how to fuck.
Okay, question. I need you to shed
some light on this situation. We had
a porn star
on here named Sylvia Sage.
She spoke about another porn star
on a podcast and said that porn star had
kids. I'm not going to mention her name.
That porn star
reaches out to me.
I get this long DM like,
you know,
she mistakenly said that I had kids.
How could she do this?
Uh,
you know,
like you don't understand the people that follow us.
They could put my kids in danger.
Can you please edit the podcast and get that out of here?
Uh,
you know,
I hope that you put my kids safety,
um,
in front of your thirst for clicks or views or whatever.
I write back, hey, absolutely.
Fuck you.
No, no, no, no.
Hey, fuck yourself.
That would go through my head just responding like, nah.
Like, you're right.
I do need these clicks.
So I write back.
I go, because I had a little theory, right?
I write back.
I go, hey, absolutely.
Tell me what times in the podcast you would like taken down,
and I'll do it right away.
She sees the DM, never writes back.
I knew if she had to do even the tiniest bit of work to protect her kids,
whatever bullshit fucking reason that she gave
that she wasn't going to do it.
Never heard back from her again.
My theory is it had nothing to do with her kid's safety.
It's that she doesn't want her fans knowing that she has kids
because, let's be honest,
no one's like,
I want the porn star with a family.
I want a mom who's breastfed
and squeezed babies out.
The fans like the idea of the girls just being a total hoe.
But, I mean, at the same time, I know girls.
You ever see Britannia187 on Instagram?
Yes, yes, I have.
She's got the stupid fatty.
But she's been with the same guy for 10 years, and she's got two kids.
And it's so crazy because she has the hoeyest Instagram I've ever seen.
It's wild.
And then she'll just be, like, walking around a resort with her kids.
Amber Rose. It's interesting because, to me,'ve ever seen. It's wild. And then she'll just be like walking around a resort with her kids. Amber Rose.
It's interesting,
because to me,
I almost feel like it's weird.
Like maybe you should have
two different Instagrams for that,
but I respect the fact
that she actually just rocks with it
on both ends, you know?
But I mean,
this girl also like ate a cum hot dog
on a private snap.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
You know, if that's side by side
with the kids,
then that's weird.
I'm not going to lie.
Hold on on hold on
If you had to
Eat cum
Wouldn't you prefer it
To be mixed with a hot dog
Instead of just
Take it straight to your mouth
And swallow
What about a Caesar side salad
Where you don't really know
You don't really know
I like how you made a side salad
with the small portions.
I thought we were doing
the big ass salad
with a lot of bites, yo.
I feel like if you had
a banana split
sitting right here
and I nutted it,
you would not know.
I would not know.
Because it tastes so good
that you just
wouldn't be able to focus.
You never see Waiting?
Remember that movie, Waiting?
Dude, there's no way
a cook is whacking off
into food
because that takes a few minutes
and you're in public,
there's like waiters coming in like, where's my order? Some motherfuckers are warmed up already. I don't think it off into food. Because that takes a few minutes. And you're in public. There's like waiters coming in.
Like, where's my order?
Some motherfuckers are warmed up already.
I don't think it happens that often.
No.
I feel like you wouldn't notice.
But I feel like if I jerked off on that Clif Bar, you'd notice.
Yeah.
Honestly, I might not.
You've earned it.
Honestly, I had one.
It looks jerked off on already.
It's glazed.
Give it a shot.
Look, my point is there's probably something else going on that she cared about.
She gave me this whole fucking sob story about her kids to guilt me into it.
But if she really cared about her kids, wouldn't she look at the podcast and look at the Times?
That's crazy to me.
Right?
She just didn't even take the extra effort.
You make it out like it's such a big deal.
You know her, by the way.
For real?
But don't say.
But you know her, and you could probably put it together.
Kids.
Damn, I don't even remember. I don't remember either you know her and you could probably put it together kids Damn, I don't even remember
We'll talk after cuz I don't want to give any more
Shine they probably don't tell me they got kids either. Oh, so you might not know
Anyway, it doesn't matter so your girl does all this private snapchat shit. She lets you fuck other people right?
Here's the thing you guys fuck people together. she's into it doesn't that take away some
of the fun like way to ruin a threesome you being all willing and like getting equal value out of
this as me but wouldn't you rather her like reluctantly eat the pussy and it's just something
that you get to do not her like completely ignore you while she's eating the girl's pussy listen we've done three
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah she gotta eat pussy with her fucking with her with her nose pitched
and just the tip of her tongue like that like she's testing if a battery got juice
like that little kid with the pole that his tongue gets stuck on what is that
christmas carol or some shit story christmas story doesn't it fuck it up a little bit but
listen i've done threesomes with her where she was like maybe not that excited about it yeah i
was just kind of like oh let's like go hook up with her or whatever yeah it's like it's not really
like worth doing it unless the girl's like sincerely excited about it because if they're
sort of like reluctantly doing it it's just not like it's not gonna work doing it unless the girl's sincerely excited about it. Because if they're sort of reluctantly doing it, it's just not the kind of thing you want to do reluctantly.
Yeah.
Never want to have sex reluctantly.
No.
That's never fun.
Yeah, yeah.
If you're not 100% sold on the idea, for sure.
Adam with some bars.
It's the kind of thing where it's just-
Don't fuck girls who are reluctant.
It doesn't really-
No, but if the other girl wants to do it-
It doesn't really make them jump if the other girl wants to do it
did you read that
in Ryan Holiday's latest book
no but the thing for me
is that it's like
is that my girl
will do it
if she can tell
I want to do it
but she'll just do it
because she's just mad nice
she's doing it for you
yeah
like how we fuck our girlfriends
but that's not really great
y'all really need some dick again?
Didn't we just fuck?
Didn't we?
This is how I always feel.
Didn't we just fuck?
We just fucked.
Didn't we?
How the hell could you fuck?
Like, I'll be honest.
When I was younger, I would have envied your sexual lifestyle.
That shit gives me crippling anxiety.
Last time we did a podcast, he told me once a week.
Now I'm up to two, bro.
Shouts of blue chew.
Yo, boy.
Double your sexual appetite.
Yo, Andrew's so busy, he probably makes sure he does both in one night.
He's like, I got shit to do tomorrow.
Knock this out.
It's Monday.
Monday's for dick.
You never nut twice in a night?
Nah, nah.
Respect.
Nah, nah, nah, nah.
That's not what Matt Edson is.
That's stupid.
Why?
Because I just nutted.
Yeah.
That's end of story.
Did she nut?
It don't matter, bro.
That's her job, really.
I really do feel that way.
If she doesn't nut, yeah, you have a gripe.
But if I nutted, right, and you nutted, what are we trying to achieve?
What is going on?
Are we trying to set personal records out here?
For what?
It's like saying that you can only have so much fun, though.
And I totally understand.
Let me ask you a question.
I can't only have so much fun.
You just have dinner, right?
And then your girl's like, let's go have dinner again.
What are you going to say?
Honestly, I have to space the intercourse out around my meals and my weed smoking.
Because I don't really want to be dumb high.
Maybe I do.
Or bloated and full.
Definitely that.
Definitely don't want to be full.
Bloated and full is just not.
Hunger fucks are the best.
How old are you?
35.
No, your girl.
She's 28, but I'm 35.
It's just crazy this life that we fucking carved out
for ourselves
I just heard a
35 year old man
be like
I have to
space my intercourse
around meals
and weed
usually I'm like
I want to see how
your whiteboard
looks at home
my dad
my dad heard that
he jumped out
a fucking window
that this is the
field I entered
you want to hear
like the ultimate
he had a 15 year old
son he had a 15-year-old son.
He had a mortgage.
He had a plan.
He had 35.
He had a plan.
He's thinking about college tuition.
I've got to space out my pussy.
I've really got to space it out.
Around weed and junk food.
God damn it.
I just realized how much I've let down my mom
throughout this entire conversation.
The stress.
The stress levels.
That's why you can't get a gun pulled on you.
You're like, I deserve this.
Yeah.
And then he's probably thinking about Andrew saying
he gets anxiety about fucking
He's like you don't
No anxiety
Yo this is the thing though
Fucking
I gotta smoke weed later
Like I'm at work like
Chilling like on stream
For like eight hours
Smoking hella weed
And then I get home
And my girl's been on cam
For two hours
Fingering herself
And like getting all turned on She got her makeup done She got lingerie on And then I get home and my girl's been on cam for two hours fingering herself and getting all turned on.
She got her makeup done.
She got lingerie on.
And then I come home and I'm like a fucking just skeleton of a man.
Just like, hey, hey.
I lay down and she's all like, uh.
And I'm like, uh.
Oh my God.
You know, I got to just either force my way through or have this weird moment where I'm
like, baby, I'm just not ready for it right now, man.
That's the thing. It's like when soldiers came back from war back moment where I'm like, but hey, I'm just not ready for it right now, man. That's the thing.
It's like when soldiers came back from war back in the day, like World War II,
and the second they get back, the wife's all horny.
It's like, all my friends died.
Can you not consider I have no fucking friends left anymore?
Yo, that's fucked up.
You come home from war and she's not going to let you fuck?
No, she is.
She wants to fuck.
That's all she wants to do.
But you're not trying to fuck because your friends are dead. Oh, no she is. She wants to fuck. That's all she wants to do. But you're not trying to fuck
because your friends are dead.
Oh, no.
I'm still trying to fuck.
You know,
I'm trying to get
that PTSD stroke.
I got like a million friends
that died.
I'm still fucking.
I'm not going to let
that bum me out.
That's something
that doesn't kill sex, man.
That shit kills me too, though.
There was one time,
I'm not going to say his name.
There's a rapper
I was supposed to interview.
How soon after X died
did you fuck?
It was like an hour.
That's the homie, but I'm not going to let him ruin my fucking life.
No, I'm just kidding.
It probably was at least like a day or two.
Stop lying.
There was this kid, though.
There was a kid that said he couldn't do the podcast like a month after X died because X died.
I'm like, you never even met him.
You never even met him. And we're we're like party I'm like with his
friends like partying like a week later and like we're talking about it still like man that shit
sucks but everything but it's like your life keeps moving on and it's like this kid is just a fan and
he said he couldn't do the month the interview a month afterwards can you say no I say his name
because it's so fucking lame he's like deny it it wasn't even him who said was? No, I'm not going to say his name because it's so fucking lame. He's going to deny it. Say it.
I've seen that email.
Say it.
It wasn't even him who said it.
It was his manager.
I'm like, so you told your manager that?
Or maybe his manager said it to get him out of it.
Yeah, that could be possible.
But at the end of the day, too, it's like an interview that if I did it, it's like,
whatever, who cares?
So then drop that name, bro.
Nah.
All right, fine.
All right, fine.
Plus, those are the guys that get the most sensitive.
Because I feel bad for him that it's like he was that hurt by a rapper that he didn't even know dying.
It's kind of sad.
I feel bad for him.
He's living in the power of now, yo.
You gotta let this man do his thing.
Use promo code NoJumper22 or something.
I don't know.
I forget.
Flaker, too.
Is that part of it?
There's got to be a point of diminishing returns with the sex life.
Oh, yeah.
Does it lose its fucking luster?
I know it looks cool and everything like that, and I'm sure the first few years it was fun,
but eventually, when you have the porn stars and shit come over and hang out like after you guys fuck you guys got like talking
shit a little bit
Let us smart and she's interesting and I've enjoyed my interactions with Lena
I appreciate how could a lot of people don't give her the benefit of the doubt that she has something going on upstairs
Cuz they just graduate college. I appreciate that. A lot of people don't give her the benefit of the doubt that she has something going on upstairs. Of course, because they just see it.
She graduated college,
unlike myself.
Aw, damn, bro.
Damn, we got a smart one.
That's what's up.
Damn, way to waste a degree.
She could have been on camp in college.
She wasted four years of her prime, son.
What the fuck?
She Shane Battier out here?
She went to school for like
She sat out the whole
barely legal market.
She was like child for four years. She went from barely for like She sat at the whole Barely legal market She was like Child
Four years
She went from
Barely legal
To very legal
That's a whole
Whole income bracket
Her degree
She wouldn't even be able
To like use it now
Because like
It's like
To work with kids
And shit
What was her
Oh she was gonna be a teacher
It's like to deal with like
Autistic kids
And shit like that
Well now she gets to talk
To porn stars
She's straight
This is autistic adults now.
Wait a minute.
You don't think you're Asperger's.
No, but she thinks
I'm autistic.
Asperger's is like
the light autism.
It's like Coke Zero.
No, it's Coke Zero.
Asperger's is the next level
Mark Zuckerberg shit.
No, no.
It's under.
Autism is worse.
Asperger's is functional.
Well, I'm on the spectrum.
That's all I know.
You really think?
No. I don't know. I gotger's is functional. Well, I'm on the spectrum. That's all I know. You really think? No.
I don't know. I got a weird time relating to other human beings.
I feel like I definitely got a weird divide between my ability to communicate with people.
I don't know. I got to look into it.
You literally talk to people for a living.
You can't just be socially awkward?
Yeah, what happened to socially awkward?
Yeah, what is that? We always got to be Asperger's?
I think I lack empathy.
I think if I saw somebody get hit by a car and die,
I'm not even going to be thinking about it five minutes later.
You'd be busy jerking off trying to fuck your girl.
Yeah, you literally just talked about somebody died
and fucking like an hour later.
I think it's all right.
That's my favorite thing.
Back when Facebook was popping,
I guess you see it a little bit with Instagram,
was I would see how long people would put the dead person's picture
as their avi,
and I would time how long they it took for them to
not give a fuck about that person anymore yeah like it was just it was so beautiful because you
have to make the decision what's the acceptable time limit on that though no i used to do that
with the stand with like the flag the rainbow flag avi yeah how long do you like the new rick
ross album cover like me and everybody else at mmg while all make that our profile photo. No, I'm just kidding.
I hate when rappers do that, but
they make all their friends do it too.
There's still mad people that have the Thug album cover
for their picture because they hung out with Thug
two times. I just did that for the Wale album.
But that's his boy.
I just seen him the other day. He goes,
hey, how's my favorite asshole doing?
I'm like, damn, you're an asshole.
I should appreciate that. Wait, why is Wale an doing? I'm like, damn. I'm like, you're an asshole, so. I should appreciate that.
Wait, why is Wale an asshole?
Tell us some good shit.
Not even like, I think he's an asshole.
He's just kind of, you know, he's got a fucking personality that I'm sure a lot of people
call him an asshole.
So him saying that to me, I was like, damn, that's an honor.
Is he a kind of munchin?
No, I think Wale is.
Wale gets a bad rap, honestly, for being, like, just because he's always kind of been
the sort of dude who would just, like, rant about being underappreciated on twitter and like that sort of thing that's like
kind of like gonna make you not seem as likable i feel like but i think that actually to be real i
feel like people don't even look at wally like unlikable dude anymore yeah i think that that
narrative's kind of changed you know well once he went in the story on him no he's not indie
but i mean i thought he got dropped no i mean indie. I thought he got dropped. No, I mean, he got dropped
from Atlantic.
He's on Warner now.
And yeah, no.
He should go indie, dude.
Indie,
because then it would be
justified the complaining.
But I think when you're like,
have a big label
and you have records
and do those things.
I'm not saying it is good,
but in terms of perspective,
you could bitch
if you have nothing.
But if you have everything
that everybody's ever
dreamed about
and you're bitching, it's like, man, shut up.
I mean, it's weird, though.
Like, for certain artists, like, I would never take that.
It's a lot of work.
It's a lot of fucking effort.
Especially if you've already made it, if you've already, like, kind of seen this level of success.
If you come into game indie and you stay indie, cool.
That's good.
Like, that works for some people.
But, like, if you've already had a certain level of success, like, do you really want to go back to square one?
Yeah.
Not even at square one.
You're, like, at square, like, negative five.
Yeah.
Because you've got to, like, do all this extra shit because a label doesn't have your help.
But, no, I mean, good for him, man.
He's doing well.
I suppose he has his crown right now, actually, with Elliot.
Oh, he's doing that?
That's lit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Adam, we don't want to take up all your time.
Oh, no, that's probably fine.
Okay, then we will.
We'll take up every single bit of your time.
The latest book that you're reading.
Oh, yeah.
That Ryan Holiday book.
You are still reading it.
Yeah, I'm like halfway done.
But besides that,
oh, dude, I read that fucking new Malcolm Gladwell book
that I bought at the fucking airport because it was the only thing at the whole airport.
It's kind of like a basic bitch thing to read.
But I bought it just because it was the only thing in the airport.
It wasn't like a full Hudson News.
It was like a sliver of books.
What's this one about again?
I don't know.
A bunch of stupid shit that he could sort of string together and make a theme out of.
It's just a lot of theories
that he pawns off
as like facts
without that much data.
You see how Adam's
critical of authors now?
All the,
yeah.
I mean,
he don't want to look
like a bitch,
dog.
He didn't say,
you're like one guy,
you shit it on him.
I'm more enthusiastic
about Ryan Holiday
than Malcolm,
but I mean,
I do think that he's dope.
He's Gucci Mane's
favorite author,
so it's like,
whatever you read
that Malcolm writes, you love Gucci. I do
I fuck with Malcolm. I really like Malcolm you do we had him on the podcast
I thought he was I would love to have him on the podcast
Intelligent as a dude
Right guy in terms of his books. He knows what he's doing like a stretch
We asked him this we were like, you know, I was like, how much of what you say is wrong eventually?
Right.
And he goes, yeah, some of it.
Like, we find out new research.
We find out new things.
This is not the end all be all.
This is just what we put together and put in the book.
That's real.
And the fact that he was like honest about that shit.
You don't know everything.
Yeah, but when you write a book, you're basically saying, I know everything about this.
I think what annoys me is actually the people who accepted his fact right away.
And it's not him.
Like 10,000 hours. Everybody's like,'s not him. Like 10,000 hours,
everybody's like,
you gotta get your 10,000 hours.
Why is that a thing?
Because you read it
one chapter of one book
and you're a fucking retard.
It's four pages.
He came up with like a thing
that he could say
that would actually get people
excited about the idea
of just working really hard
at something for a really long time,
which is not a glamorous concept,
but he actually branded
it in a way that... You said
the 10,000 hour thing, and everybody here knows
exactly what you meant. It's branding. He's got
a great job with the branding.
But that's the thing. Branding works
so well with these tiny little
tidbits of information.
This girl was saying to me
today on a podcast that
the body is 70% water. She just said a podcast that the body is 70% water.
She just says, yeah, you know, your body is 70% water.
I'm like, get the fuck out of here.
It's like 5% water.
What could be 70% water in our body?
What the fuck?
When you're walking around, what is it?
No, your body is like.
No, it's not.
I've always heard that.
Blood has water in it, but blood is not water.
Your skin probably has got some water in it, but it's not water.
So, liquid.
Liquid is different, and even then, my bones make up way more.
Son, that's the thing that people believe.
You don't believe in bone density and knowing how much water, how much things could store
moisture?
Up to 63%.
Yeah.
Honestly, 10% tops.
I mean that.
I mean that.
I mean that wholeheartedly.
The other thing that there's the male G-spot is in the asshole.
Complete myth.
It's a myth.
I'm totally good on that.
But everybody says it. They're like, the male G-spot's in the asshole.
No, gay guys made that shit up so they could stick fingers in your fucking ass.
Girls made it up so they could finger you in your ass and kind of like emasculate you.
Wage gap is a myth.
I mean, yeah.
Preach.
We all know that.
But I asked this doctor about it, and I was like, yo, be honest withate you. Wage gap is a myth. I mean, yeah. We all know that. But I asked this doctor about it,
and I was like, yo, be honest with me.
Pre-cum is a myth.
But I was like, be honest with me.
Is the finger in the ass thing real?
Like, can you touch the fucking,
what is it called?
The, I don't know.
Prostate?
The G-spot.
Can you touch the prostate?
Why is the prostate the G-spot?
Son, he goes, no,
there's just some prostate juice that comes out of your dick.
It's not an orgasm or anything.
There's no even sperm in it.
It's a complete fucking lie.
And then he goes, some people like getting fingered in their ass, and maybe that helps them come.
But it's not a button that you press.
I'm like, of course it's not.
People just, it's the 10,000 hours thing.
They just make this shit up.
It sounds good to share with your friends.
It's like how when anyone says, oh, this is how you make a girl orgasm.
It's every fucking girl is completely different in how they orgasm.
And there's no way you could break it down that simple.
Right.
You just tell them to hold their breath.
Forever.
And then when they go, oh, it's like that felt good.
Right.
That's an orgasm.
That first breath where you didn't die.
When you're holding your piss for an hour and a half
On the highway or some shit
And then you finally piss
That's way better than any night
That's way better than a night
That's God level night
Ain't nothing better than 35 year olds
Talking about how sex is bad
Sexation
A piss
It's been held on the high
A well timed bathroom break
Can I give y'all a little secret That's kind of disgusting about me A well-timed bathroom break.
Can I give you all a little secret that's kind of disgusting about me?
I kind of like it when someone shits in the toilet before me.
What?
Wow.
All right.
That was different.
Because of the streets?
Do you like it to be warmed up?
I like the warmth.
I like the warmth, and I like the fact that the toilet seat is probably cleaned already,
so now I just got to do a little one time.
Oh, it's all on his ass.
You assume that they're cleaning it, because if it was me, I'm not.
No, exactly.
I'm not cleaning that.
I'm sitting down on pee.
Your butt can't absorb it.
It's not like your butt is water or anything like that.
Your butt is just going to move it.
First off, you're not going to know if the seat's warm until you're already sitting on it.
Yeah, but I could smell the aroma. I'm like, oh, shit.
That's fucking repulsive.
It smells like
somebody else's shit.
It happened to me today.
Citizens of Glamour City
made eye contact with the guy who took the
shit before me. It was actually my waiter.
I made eye contact with him.
I hope. I didn't check.
And I went and I took that shit immediately afterwards.
And I'm okay with that.
You don't have a bidet.
You never took shifts in Japan where the toilet seats are warm?
I didn't use the bidet.
But the toilet seat's warm.
I've felt the warm toilet seat for sure.
Dude, the other day I used the bathroom in the hallway outside my office.
And it's like there's a bunch of other companies around there.
So it's like all these different companies usually the same two bathrooms and all the time
I will bust out of my office and just walk right up and just fucking open the handle
But then once in a while, it's locked
So it's like oh and then you it feels weird that you just like tried to open it that hard
They're right bust in on the person the other day
I had happened for the first time where I just walked in boom. It wasn't like opened it right up fucking dude
Just sitting there
Turn right the fuck around it's just like I smell this shit. I saw
My girlfriend three hours when I got home.
I'm that ginger cock.
Will you let these girls put anything in your asshole?
Not anything in, but the other day I got my ass licked by my girl and another girl and it got like three million views on Twitter in a couple days.
Wait a minute.
The video was on Twitter?
The fuck just happened?
I said to him, like, I got home.
Like, it was in my calendar.
Like, you have to fuck me and this other girl
this day or whatever.
So I show up. As it should be.
Because you would forget that. And we're all just hanging
out. You have to put that in the calendar.
Because it might slip your mind.
Because I'm doing interviews. For me to come
home at 6. You have a 30 minute reminder
like, oh, don't forget.
I'm not going to forget to
interview this 16 year old with a face tattoo. But these two bitches don't forget. I'm not going to forget to interview this 16-year-old with a face tattoo.
But these two bitches don't want to fuck me.
I'm sitting in my car listening to, like, a New York Times podcast.
Like, rush hour traffic.
Like, wait for the threesome.
But then I got in the house, and, like, the other girl, I just ended up joking around with her.
I'm like, oh, you guys want to go viral?
You should both eat my ass.
And then film me with your iPhone and put it on Twitter.
And they just were like, oh, great, let's do it. And they did it. And, oh, you guys want to go viral? You should both eat my ass. And then film me with your iPhone and put it on Twitter. And they just were like, oh, great.
Let's do it. And they did it.
You know the fader?
They blocked me.
They blocked you because of that.
Well, it was the day it came out, so I got to assume that was it.
That was important. I'm like, damn, that's one of the most
relevant musical
magazine print things.
They blocked me because I got my ass
eaten. Word to the wise buddy, if you
suggest to a porn star,
hey, you should tape this sexual thing,
they're probably not going to think it's a joke.
It might be a joke to you,
but to them it's business.
I didn't really want to get my ass eaten.
Who's the porn star? It was my girl
and this chick, Emily Willis.
Emily Willis. Okay.
Want to pull that up, Alec?
As a bud eater, I can say that.
Now, do you let them penetrate?
No. Do you wet wipe
before? Nah.
So you just go straight from L.A. traffic
gas. Rush hour traffic gas.
Rush hour traffic gas. Straight dude of nuggets in the mouth.
And then right there.
One time, this really
famous porn star hit my ass in a threesome with my girl.
And I had just been taking a gnarly diarrhea shit 15 minutes before.
Drinking all day.
That kind of shit.
This her?
This is our third from the other day.
I got a little bit disgusted by that.
Is she Asian?
No. Is she Asian? No.
Was she Asian-ish?
She does look Asian-y.
She got turds on her breath.
But you know what's so funny, too, is that she's kind of seeing my homie, who's also a YouTuber,
and she just straight up went over his crib right after she filmed the Assy video.
She's kicking it with this dude that I'm legitimately friends with.
And what's even worse is that throughout that day, earlier that day,
she had been getting piped by some fucking athlete
on camera for a porn. Really?
So these girls like completely
compartmentalize
sex. Like sex means nothing to them.
It's no different than shaking hands or something like that.
I mean, I think that she was
fucking around with me for
content. She was getting fucked on set
for content and then she was kicking it with my homie
afterwards because she likes him. But the fact that she could do all those things is because she breaks it up
right because the sex is sex is whatever if you are just doing it because you're filming yourself
or whatever like it feels very different when you're like fucking with like a camera there
and stuff in the sense that it's not like like if you somehow had the luckiest night of your
fucking life it's not gonna happen but if you came home with two girls from the bar,
and you actually fucked,
I'm just kidding, I'm sure you do all the time,
but if you came home,
and you actually had the vibe going where they really wanted to fuck you,
that's a very passion-driven,
crazy, emotional, carnal thing.
When you're just all meeting up,
and it's in the Google calendar,
and you're setting up lights,
and then you're all fucking and stuff.
It feels great, but it's not like... like can you you have to take a pill for that
if it's scheduled be honest no but i mean you don't just take a pill anyway experimented with
bluechew.com yeah but no i don't know even the lights are up the cameras and you know you're
performing you don't want no i mean i have a hard time not coming too fast because i'll just be like
sawing away at one of them for like a minute or two
and all of a sudden
I'm like,
I got a nut
and then I'm like,
hold on,
hold on,
hold on,
am I blowing on it?
Hold on,
gotta let it like
cool off a little.
I'll try to do a pregame.
I'll try to like
jerk off like
in the shower
at the gym at noon
so that I'll be like
on point for the 6pm.
That's the championship.
That's the game, bro.
Looks like I got this W tonight, lady.
You know you're going to fuck some random hot chick?
I don't clear the chamber.
You don't?
I just let her go on top.
I mean, I got a girl now, but I just let her go on top
and then I work on my breathing.
You know what I mean?
I don't let her bounce on it. She's I work on my breathing. You know what I mean?
I don't let her bounce on it.
She just got to rock on it.
There are certain things I can control myself.
No bounce, just rock.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The bounce will get me to nuts.
A slow, long stroke, that's when.
Wait, when you're on top?
No, if I'm on top, yeah.
If I'm on top, a slow, long stroke.
Yeah.
45 seconds to a minute, I'm tapping.
But anything else, I could go for whatever.
Like flip it, turn it, whatever, from the back.
Anything.
But if it's a slow, long joint, I'm not lasting.
You want to know one thing that's really weird that I noticed about sex? I can last way longer in the butthole.
Yeah, because it doesn't feel good.
Well, because the butthole is like this tight thing.
And then it's sort of like an open paper.
Yeah, it's a football.
My girl's pussy is like tight on the whole thing.
Because it's made for dicks.
That girl we were just looking at,
me and my girl did an
anal threesome with her
for the camera
before we did the vaginal threesome
and to be honest,
I was fucking like a pro
and I didn't really...
Yeah.
And I think it's because
it was all butt.
Yeah, it's not even close
to the amount of friction.
Dude, butt stuff sucks.
I'll be honest with you.
It really sucks.
I gotta fuck my girl's butt soon.
I owe her one.
She's been telling me. She really wants that, dude? Yeah yeah she's pissed that i ain't done in a while i'm in
awe of this guy's life literally just don't are you envious of it no it just doesn't make sense
to me i'm just blown away that this world existed like this america really is the land opportunity
this is why your family came here. Don't waste this opportunity.
Don't waste their dream,
dude.
Your dad came here so you could work for a living.
Just smoke and sleep,
dude.
That's crazy.
Sleep.
No,
that's the best.
Like,
because you know, like think about every time in your life you've ever fucked a girl that you
don't really give a fuck about.
Yeah.
And then you got to act for like an hour or two hours or however long until she leaves your home. Yes. Like when me and my girl fucked a girl that you don't really give a fuck about, and then you've got to act for an hour or two hours,
however long, until she leaves your home.
When me and my girl have a girl over,
there's no pretense that I have to do that.
I am rolling a blunt and watching a YouTube video
within five minutes of the intercourse,
and they ain't saying shit to me.
They're ignoring me.
They're having a regular girl conversation.
They're talking about makeup and what they're going to do the next day.
But Lena doesn't care.
She's faking, too. There's no way she's like inspired by those combos
Yeah, probably I mean you got to bring yourself down a notch from time to time probably
Because I mean she's doing porn with porn with fucking 18 year old chicks sometimes. Yeah
She's way smarter
There's got to be like a different like level of communication at a certain point
I think that's almost kind of.
That's why the R. Kelly shit pisses me off so much.
Like why?
When she's like, remember he's like,
oh yeah, you don't have teenage friends.
Like what conversation could you have with a 17 year old
that's at all fucking entertaining or beneficial to you?
That's what this guy does for a living.
No, I'm kicking it with like a, okay, yeah, yeah.
You gotta, that's like being a therapist.
Doing the interviews like being a therapist, bro.
You gotta like come down. What are your dreams and aspirations?
How did that make you feel?
But I can't, like when I hang out with like a 21-year-old chick,
I'm just like, I can't do this.
You never watched Seinfeld?
Like, I'm sorry.
I'm just like, I can't.
Like, I don't know.
Yeah, that's what Aziz went through too.
That's what he put on.
Damn.
In that situation?
Dude, that was the moment that i liked disease
more than any moment in his entire career is that he was getting head to seinfeld
you know i really relate to that because i love when there's a good sitcom on while i'm fucking
yeah like i love the office and like the other day me and my girl ended up fucking and The Office was playing is the perfect thing
to occupy
the part of my brain
that kind of gets bored
when you're fucking
real Al
that's you
I have like Seinfeld
Office
any of those shows
and I know all the episodes
so it's like
I'm just going through
the episode
while I'm just going
through the motion
and you can mentally
time yourself
you know how long
you last it
you get in 22 minutes
of this dick
that's it
commercial break that's really smart exactly because a lot of times you're fucking and you might feel You know how long you lasted You're getting 22 minutes of this Commercial break
That's really smart
Because a lot of times you're fucking and you might feel like it's been a half hour
But it's been 7 minutes
It's only the second commercial break
You gotta put the cum in commercial guys
Just play it in my headphones
She won't even know
Oh man
Yeah I feel like
I feel like there's this i don't know sometimes when i talk
to like porn stars about about sex i'm like yeah you had some maybe fucked up shit happen in your
life and we've all had fucked up shit happen in our life but i feel like they're almost like
downplaying the importance of sex because it downplays the trauma of the experience that they had in their past.
Oh, shit.
That's bars, yo.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Yeah, 100%. Like, if you were raped, right?
You got to take the power away from it.
You take the power away from it.
It's their N-word.
By just...
You know what I mean?
They'd be using that shit mad casually.
They N-worded the fucking dick, dude.
Wow.
I usually don't go there when I'm interviewing porn stars of like fully getting into the childhood trauma.
I'm going to be honest.
We've interviewed three porn stars.
I asked all three of them.
Yeah.
And I feel like it makes a really dynamic part of the interview because we could talk the fuck shit forever.
That's easy.
But like when you go from why they cut themselves to how to bird bath.
What is it called?
Bird feed.
Bird feed.
Or docking.
Do you know what docking is?
Yeah, I dock.
What?
No, I'm just kidding.
Sut.
I know what it is, though.
Sut.
Sut.
Oh, my God.
That's the most disturbing thing you said in the podcast.
Are you sure you know what it is?
Out of everything you said.
Oh, yeah, dude.
Wow. Demonet yeah. Dude. Wow.
Demonetized.
Yeah.
I got one with the me and you did demonetized.
I think it was the first time that I ever got a podcast demonetized because we talked
about T-E-R-R-O-R-I-S-M.
What is it?
Terrorism.
Terrorism, man.
Really?
You can't even talk about terrorism?
Dude, I feel like
that's like the number
one thing
that will get you
on YouTube
is that right
they can tell
that you're talking
about that shit
in the script
get the fuck
out of here
really
anyway look
Adam
thank you so much
for coming by
man
please tell the people
where they can find you
where they can see you
nojumper.com
and Adam22
on social media
I just want to
say that i did an interview with combat jack and hero many years ago and then i just remember that
he was eating a salad like grazing on a salad throughout the entire interview and i had never
eaten a salad like that and that kind of like made me realize like oh you don't have to just
rush through a salad that was your takeaway. Combat Jack touched many lives. I love Combat Man. That dude.
He really does.
I'm not going to lie.
You might be autistic, bro.
I think you confirmed it for me right now.
That's the same bet.
That's the same bet.
Speak to another man for an hour.
The only thing you pick up is how he deals with lettuce.
That was just like the physical element that impressed me.
You're a strange man.
You know what?
I had my assumptions about you before this,
but I'm glad this happened.
Appreciate it.
It's better to see people in their eyes
and see what they talk about before making assumptions.
You know what?
I follow Rory on Twitter now,
so I've been wondering what the fuck emotional oranges sound like.
I'm probably going to go find out tonight.
I might have to go listen to that. Yeah, Rory's my guy, man. I've heard like wondering what the fuck emotional oranges sound like I'm probably gonna go find out tonight I might have to go listen to that
I've heard like the name like hundreds of times and never actually listen to it
It's a girl group. No, it's a guy and a girl. Oh, it's a guy and a girl
Okay, and they're doing well himself yo, I'm doing well
That's what he called himself.
I know.
That's not even a shot.
I swear, I thought that was a nickname for himself.
When you say there's a guy and a girl, watch the video.
I'm like, huh?
Oh, it's a group where he manages.
Wow.
No, because that would be kind of, I mean mean i don't know if he's emotional but you got
like one of those chairs oh my god man that is weird that it ended the band name is kind of like
descriptive of him i wonder if there's any other like examples of that you know oh that's funny
adam thank you for coming by my man appreciate you much love peace