Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Ukrainians Aren’t White
Episode Date: March 8, 20220:00 - start 0:20 - Schulz fights over weather 10:00 - Akaash's NYT article 25:00 - Canada Opens back up for Infamous Tour 31:00 - Brittney Griner 55:05 - Ranking White People 1:15:43 - Ryan Long joi...ns the crew 1:27:50 - Cain Velasquez handles his business 1:52:00 - Bezos vs Musk Flagrant 2 is a comedy podcast that delivers unfiltered, unapologetic, and unruly hot takes directly to your dome piece. In an era dictated by political correctness, hosts Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh, along with AlexxMedia and Mark Gagnon, could care less about sensitivities. If it’s funny and flagrant it flies. If you are sensitive this podcast is not for you. But if you miss the days of comedians actually being funny instead of preaching to a quire then welcome to The Flagrancy. Join the Patreon Asshole Army: http://bit.ly/2xQwHYf #Flagrant2 #AndrewSchulz #AkaashSingh #AlexxMedia #MarkGagnon New York native and internationally touring stand-up, Andrew Schulz is known for his hilarious and unsafe comedy. He has starred in the sitcom BENDERS (now available on Netflix), can be seen in Amazon’s SNEAKY PETE, HBO’s CRASHING, and on MTV including GUY CODE and GIRL CODE. In the podcast realm, Schulz can be heard on the wildly popular THE BRILLIANT IDIOTS — co-hosted by nationally syndicated radio and television personality Charlamagne tha God — the hilarious sports commentary podcast FLAGRANT 2, and the film and TV analysis podcast WESTERBROS. He has made major appearances on The Joe Rogan Experience, Bert Kreischer’s BERTCAST, Joey “coco” Diaz The Chuch of What’s Happening Now, and Theo Von’s This Past Weekend. He has even done solo interviews with the likes of Lil Duval and many others. Andrew’s online presence has touched hundreds of millions of people across the globe and his unconventionally funny approach to the comedy world has launched him into stardome. His shows Dropping In and Inside Jokes will rack of hundreds of thousands of views weekly. Nothing is off limits for Schulz, from sex to race, and even the occasional audience heckler roast, Andrew is hungry to be the best. He can be seen in New York City performing regularly at New York Comedy Club and the Comedy Cellar.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
What's up, everybody?
Welcome to Flagrant 2.
It's your boy, Schultz.
I'm here with Akash Singh, Mark Gagnon, Alex Media, Miles Media.
We got the truffle.
Even Chifty is up there manning that cam, creating those cool angles.
I had to bite my tongue with my wife today.
Let's start with there.
Let's start with this.
I had to bite my tongue with my wife today because, you know, today's the first warm
day in New York.
Yeah.
We've had it months.
And she's like, yeah, it's like 60 degrees outside.
And I look at my phone because I don't like I'm like, there's no yeah it's like 60 degrees outside and i look at my
phone because i don't like i'm like there's no way it's 60 degrees and then it says there's a
high of 72 and then i go uh i go wow it says it's gonna be a high of 72 and then she goes
i don't think it's gonna get up to 72 i love that though and i and i grinded my teeth
and i'm like oh really but inside i'm, what the fuck do you know about weather?
Okay?
How the fuck?
What do you mean you don't know?
You don't think it's going to go to 72?
Can I tell you something?
The phone says fucking 72.
Can I tell you something?
She's a Schultz now.
Is that it?
She's officially a Schultz.
Oh, my God, bro.
There's all kinds of expert information in her face.
And she's like, nah.
Dude, I'm looking.
Where do you think she learned that from?
What is it? Geologists? What is it called?
What are they called to do the weather?
Meteorologists. Meteorologists.
Whatever the fuck they are.
It says 72 and just to look at my wife,
she looks right at me. I don't think we'll get up there.
I honestly, I started
shaking. I was like, do you want to start
fighting already at 9 in the morning?
We'll get to 68. we'll get to 68 degrees
how hot do you think
it will get
with your
with your expertise
in meteorology
how hot
will the day get
not only should
you just throw it out
the lights are turning off
I'm so angry
not only should you
throw out a random hot take
it's also the hot take
you want to happen
more than anything
more than anything
you want it to get warm so bad I need the bad i went outside and i think i felt happy the first
time in three months i think my seasonal depression or whatever that shit that women make up is is is
real yeah and it got hot and i was like it's gonna be 72 i could walk outside with a t-shirt
oh i don't think it's gonna be up to 72 based on what based on what woman oh are you saying that she took something that you believed
in dearly and then shit all over it for no reason is that is that what you did i have to tell her
now i wonder where she learned it guys i'm telling her now not to do the devil devil's advocate shit
with me anymore no you just have to do it she's the devil's wife what are you talking about no
because i understand i do it. She was even editing.
Forget it.
I can't even say this.
I'm giving her edit notes like I give y'all on her stuff for Blitzer Peppers, and she has to remove me from the room.
Sorry.
Sorry.
I got so into it.
I was so charged up.
I was like, yeah, you should send her all the things, and then make sure it snaps.
Make sure you know the thing.
No, that's not how you say it.
There's no way that's how you say it.
You say, oh, you want people to not watch this?
You want people to not watch your videos?
Literally, that was the note I gave her.
I was like, you could do it your way
or you could do it the way where people will watch it.
Yeah, that's what you said.
But it's up to you.
I know that's what you said.
But it's up to you.
And then she goes, Andrew, how would you like,
if I did this about you,
when you asked me to review your comedy
or something like that?
And I literally was so charged up in anger.
I was like, well, then don't ask me then.
You ask me.
This is how we get views in this family.
I thought you were going to take that super left.
I thought you were going to be like, what could you tell me?
Well, that was way back.
That was in there.
Andrew B. Hinton, though.
72.
What do you know about temperature?
She's just connecting with her inner Native American, y'all.
You know when the knee hurts and you see the oh yeah
they just like taste the ground and like oh it's gonna be an earthquake tomorrow like come on
they know that be knowing ground taste quakey today guys that is good oh god i don't know why that frustrated me
so much because you wanted the warmth i bet you she's monitoring the temperature right now and
if it never hits 72 i'm gonna get a screenshot oh my god today's high 70 yeah she might be right
she 100 might be right 71 right now, let it hit 72 during this pot.
I'm calling her.
Hey, babe, go outside.
Why?
Because it's 72 degrees right now.
We got to warm it up.
We got to do something.
What do we do?
Open the oven.
I don't know.
There's some way we can just warm it up outside a little.
One degree just to set it off.
Spray your aerosol cans.
Everybody.
Start global warming a little more.
We need it right now.
You just got to double down.
Russia, drop the nuke.
Yeah.
Go in on her. If she's like, oh, I'm so excited to go on going on a trip to the bahamas be like i don't think we'll get there and she's like what do you mean you're like yeah it just might not happen
yo i gotta shit on the thing she's excited about oh my god yeah we have a nice date night tonight
yeah i mean for a happy marriage don't do that but if you want to prove a point yeah
but i stepped it down i didn't say anything and i and i i knew i was going to come here and i was going to share with you guys that's mature you share it with 500 000 people exactly one yeah
yeah but why would she say and the one person that matters you know what you know what she said this
when i went back and i was like i was like why why do you think that i stuttered i was so angry
i go why do you think that and then she goes oh because apple didn't uh say it and i couldn't
really refute it because now she's working off technology, too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
But God damn, did that charge me up.
I was charged up.
You didn't ask, what do you think it's going to get up to?
Say again?
Did you ask her, what do you think it's going to get up to?
No, because I was too focused on just like, just dealing with my anger and frustration.
I'm going to be honest, though.
It might not happen today, but Apple will be doing that a that a lot we'll have a high and then it'll never actually
get even close to the high and then they just slowly adjust the hourly temperature oh yeah
that should be driving me yeah they gaslight you they gaslight you yeah it'll be 75 and hit 71
they're like yeah we always said 71 yeah you always said that yeah yeah they do that with
the time too motherfuck how distance like time to your destination and then they bump it up
like five minutes
like that's not what you said
at the beginning
yeah yeah yeah
especially when it's red
yeah
hour 51 becomes two and a half hours
they act like they told you
the whole time
I chose this route
because of our initial conversation
now you're changing it up
moving the goalpost
bitch ass
this is something
that happens regularly
are you telling me
you're telling me
if Tim cooks apple
This is something
That happens regularly
Regularly
Yeah
We gotta put a stop to this
Apple gas lights
Samsung would never
Samsung would never
Samsung would never
Never
Are we gonna switch it up
I would love to
Let's all go Samsung
Are we gonna sung it up
Yeah
Y'all wanna sung it up
Nah
I'm so
Why not
I'm ready to sung it up
Right now
What's your reasoning
Oh you got that watch We'll get you a real watch dog Don't worry about that Fuck it Yo when did the Apple watch Yeah. Y'all want to sung it up? Nah. I'm so done. Why not? I'm ready to sung it up right now. What's your reasoning?
Oh, you got that watch?
We'll get you a real watch, dog.
Don't worry about that.
Fuck it.
Yo, when did the Apple Watch become the thing that everybody does?
Not me, bro.
What do you mean?
Everybody does Apple Watch. My girl did the Apple Watch.
That shit failed today.
This is how you knew I was angry.
My girl did the Apple Watch, went on her run.
The shit failed, so she couldn't get into her apartment because the apartment has latch
to get in, and she was just knocking on the door for a minute and i knew it was her
but you know what i thought i thought enjoy the weather baby it's a beautiful day outside
why don't you soak up this 69 degrees no way hells yes hells yes don't take your phone on a
nice little run think your apple watch gonna get you back in the house. No!
No! Try to call me
on that shit. You can't. Look at how stupid.
Like a fucking CIA.
There's no way.
That shit's fine. You're hating.
Am I hating? You're hating a little bit. I think I missed the whole thing
because I got the early Apple Watch.
I got the Apple Watch when I was living back with my folks.
Dumb early and it was just
a shitty watch.
Yeah.
It didn't have all this workout technology that y'all are doing and heartbeat and all
that other stuff, or it did, and I didn't know how to use it.
Huh?
EKG.
EKG?
Protect your family.
Wait, what's an EKG?
There's a thing if they fall down, there's a little alert that goes off.
Jews are so concerned with health.
They're like, monitor your heart murmurs.
That's the part that you like the most.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The best part about it is you can just leave your phone at home you go out to dinner no phone but for but i feel like this is more end of an interruption because it's constantly buzzing
hey just put that shit on mute how do you how do you ignore your wife with no phone
yeah exactly um listen guys i think we need to talk about a couple of things i want to talk
about britney spears and why she posted a jewish star yeah who was your favorite britney of the
week britney griner or britney spears yeah free both of them yeah exactly all the britney's
lock up one of them and then free the other obviously mark is referring to britney griner
who's currently in a jail in Russia, and Britney
Spears, who's currently posting wild shit
on the internet, and all the people
who said free Britney are now regretting
that they put that
message out there into the world as Britney Spears
is slowly devolving into a
porn star.
I love free Britney. You do?
Yeah, it's amazing. It's so amazing.
Wait, why? Titties is out. I know Free Britney. You do? Yeah, it's amazing. It's so amazing. Wait, why?
Titties is out.
Yeah.
The titties is out.
I know this man.
Yeah, titties is out.
I'm a simple man, bro.
I'm a simple man.
But you don't think that she's a little off her rocker?
Who cares, dog?
Is Kanye off his rocker?
Yeah.
I don't know if he is.
I used to think he was.
I don't know if he is.
What's the temperature outside?
It's whatever Apple said.
What did Tim Cook say?
That's the motherfucking temperature.
I don't know if Kanye's off his rocker.
He's off his rocker, bro.
All right, fine.
He clinically has bipolar disorder.
Anyway, so what?
No, I'm just saying this one.
She has something.
We don't know what it is yet, but just keep showing them titties.
Okay.
But I want to get to that.
I want to get to this story.
Okay.
Okay.
But before we get to the story, I want to talk about Akash Singh and his write-up in
the New York Times.
Oh, okay.
We out here.
We out here.
You can wait, Brittany.
Bitch, both y'all.
Both y'all got time.
Akash, one, how does it feel?
Yo, it was really cool.
Can we tell the story?
Can we tell the real story?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, bust it down.
Okay, so I got-
They tried to get Akash, son.
Yo, bust it down.
Yo, shut up.
No, no, no, no.
We tell the real story.
They tried to get Akash.
You can't get this man.
You can't get this man.
Try, New York Times.
Tell the motherfucking story. i'm sorry i got so charged
up i'm so charged up i was asked to do i read the whole shit angry all right so i got asked if i
want to do a uh an article in the new york times somebody wanted to do a write-up on me i'm not
sure if it's a rogan thing or what you got to be a little bit nervous and i go in i'm talking to
this guy to his credit he was he was arguing with me about shit. I had never done an interview like that.
Okay.
Every interview I've done,
not many,
but they ask you a question,
you give an answer,
and they move on to the next question.
This guy and I talk for like two hours,
and he's pushing back on shit.
He keeps bringing up Hari,
and I'm like,
I didn't make this special about Hari.
It has nothing to do with Hari.
I don't want to talk about Hari.
And he's like,
well, you can't not talk about this special
without talking about Hari.
Can you just let people know
who Hari Kondabalo is?
Hari Kondabalo, for those of you guys who don't know, he's the guy that made the special that got Apu taken off the air, essentially.
The problem with Apu.
Yes.
And my reaction was not to him.
It was to this whole thing.
Like, we're going to take Apu off the air?
Really?
That's what we're reaching for as brown people?
Which he plays a part in.
Yeah.
So I did.
But at the time, I'm also very wary of like being painted as like this right wing.
Like we joke here, right wing sing. But everybody listening knows me. They have context.
I had to be very guarded about people trying to make me some kind of like right wing, like Brown Candace Owens type thing.
I don't want that shit at all. Yeah. So we we're kind of going back and forth.
And then we start arguing about something. And then he says something like, well, there's two camps of comedy, right?
There's the woke camp and then your camp, the antiwoke camp and i'm like whoa i'm not that
i'm not woke at all but like i'm not in some anti-woke camp where i all i do is shit that's
not my i i don't care about it that much yeah and then you're akash singh i'm akash your own camp
yeah i'm my own thoughts i'm not beholden to any that's why we go on stage alone so we can say
things we want to say so then he and i legit start arguing in this fucking tea house we just start
like arguing at some point because i say to him no no i resent what you're saying right now because
you're too smart to do this you're too smart to paint me as one of these guys and i know people
want to paint me as one of these guys but i'm not that like i'm not doing like glenn beck asked me
to do an interview i'm not gonna do glenn beck and he looked surprised for a second he's like you wouldn't do glenn beck
and i was like fuck no i'm not gonna do glenn look i'll do it if i do rachel maddow and i'm
doing both but i'm not gonna lean into one side yeah just to make money either side i'm not that
guy and i think he had an idea of me being completely polar opposite of harry konabalu
i think in his mind was just like
well this guy seems to completely disagree with him so he must be this other guy i don't begrudge
him for it i just think we had a misunderstanding and i also think his interview style to be fair
to him i don't want to shit on him i think he just picks at what you're saying to get context
but i had never done an interview like that so i'm like this motherfucker out here trying to get me
yo yeah i was yo that's him right there.
But I was going, he said something like,
he had Alex Jones on your podcast.
And I go, I don't think we need to talk about that here.
Because again, I don't want him to take the thing there.
And then he goes, well, I can't talk about you
without mentioning that you had Alex Jones on your podcast.
And I go, I think you can.
So like, I'm pretty.
It's almost like he had a preconceived notion of who you were.
And every time you were creating pushback for that notion,
he was trying to find another way to justify it.
That's why I was upset.
And I could have been.
I called him afterward.
We talked afterward.
He cleared the air.
He was like, look, my style is I'm going to push back to get context on who you are.
And I realized what I was thinking is this motherfucker is exactly that.
I want to give him credit.
I think he's just he would do this with anybody like if you're a left-wing guy he's going to give you a right-wing point of view just to
see what you dig deeper onto what you really think and then by the end of it he talked to me about
like so you seem like a pretty moderate guy is it tough to do comedy that way etc and that didn't
necessarily make it in the piece but i respected that he asked me he said you were moderate left
leaning yeah yeah yeah and he said you said you were that that's true yeah and i do like that he said i heatedly balked at the notion of being an anti-woke comic
like put that shit in i do not fucking want that i thought the piece was good yeah and i thought
the piece exposed that you had an answer for every potential criticism of you yeah so i'll give him
credit in that regard is that like he was he was feeding you lines that some people might have been
deflated yeah if they had to respond to like that like that could have kind of hung a lot of people out to dry.
But you've thought about this so much more than the average person.
So there's no way that they're going to put you in this position where you're going to be this radioactive, polarizing figure about these things.
And to be fair to anybody who interviews me, you should, if I haven't thought it through like that, I shouldn't put out this special.
I shouldn't put out a special called Bring Back Apu if I haven't thought this through at every level. shouldn't put out this special. I shouldn't put out a special call, bring back Apu,
if I haven't thought this through at every level.
And I thought,
now I'm comfortable,
I stand on this.
So I don't,
yo,
I was heated when I left that interview.
I was like,
I don't know what the fuck,
I called Andrew,
I was like,
bro,
I think this motherfucker tried to get me,
whatever.
I emailed him.
Then he was like,
yo,
I'm sorry,
you feel that way?
Genuinely don't.
Give me a call if you want to clear up the air.
And I called him.
And then we did find a place where he's like,
look,
if you don't like the article,
that's fine.
That is your right. And I understand it's nerve wracking to be written about because you don't have control of it but just can you do me one favor and just
read the article first and i was like yeah you got me i think you got me on that like read it
before it comes out no just read it before you rush to judgment and tell me i slandered you or
whatever like don't do it that's fair yeah i I mean, look, I can feel the way,
but I have nothing to really go on.
Can you read it first?
Yeah, but the good thing is we have this platform.
Right.
If he did slander me to be like,
yo, this motherfucker slandered me for the shit, whatever.
We can fight back against it.
My only issue is the fact that it seemed like
he went into this interview
with a preconceived notion of who you were.
And it seemed like he was trying to justify that preconceived notion.
And I honestly...
Now, I'm only getting this from what you shared with me.
Yeah, if that's how he felt, I'm glad he felt that way
because he's smart enough that we can have an argument
and I can give him all the counters and then he can put that in his piece.
Because he did his job as a reporter, which is put out an honest piece.
Yeah.
So as much
as i want to be emotional about it i'm glad that guy who's a reporter who's going to be honest in
his actual piece yeah felt that way because then let's let's have this argument and then you write
your piece on it yeah and it feels naturally to have a preconceived notion right like yeah any
person has that you watch someone's content you're like oh i wonder if this is what this person's
like then you i think i think if you actually watch someone's content you wouldn't have a preconceived notion that was that wrong that's that's my feeling i think that like
if you were a fan of someone's work that you would have a more like nuanced view and that was the one
thing i was that's the one thing i pushed back on is he told me he heard my rogan i'm like yo you
heard my rogan then you did it you would know i said these things yeah yeah he brought that up
he was like yo you brought this thing up in rogan where you said the woke movement is overall leading
to a good place it comes from a good place or something like that like so it was a it was a
fucking it's an intense thing when you're sitting with somebody for two hours and just disagreeing
and then you walk away thinking this motherfucker is gonna write something about me and we had
intense disagreements in that two hours. It wasn't all disagreement,
but like there were moments where I'm like,
bro,
I don't know.
Yeah.
I don't know what the fuck this guy thinks.
He just wants to zone in on that part.
He just wants to zone in on that part.
Now again,
to Andrew's point,
I've thought this all through.
So you can come at me with this.
And if you actually want to talk,
you're not going to find a lot of holes in my logic.
I'm not completely right at all,
but like I've thought it through.
So I thought he,
he did his job but i
walked out of there being very uncomfortable with just like i don't know what happened dude this is
the fucking new york times i do know they lean left and i probably am a slightly left-leaning
guy but like i'm not you know i'm not i don't want to be painted in any fucking light that i'm not
that's not authentic so i walked out of there like i don't know what just happened but then it came
when i read the article i was like like, yo, this is cool.
I like that it was more about you than about the special.
Yeah.
Like we were talking about this the other day and Giannis actually had a really funny clip where he agreed with everything you said about like there's no point in having like comedy reviewers.
Yeah.
Like the audience reviews.
Yeah.
We don't need a reviewer.
Right.
Like we just need the audience.
And if the audience is laughing, then those people find it funny.
So that's why I like that the article
is more about, like,
you and your opinions
about this topic.
Right.
So writing about a comic
and, like, what they mean
and what their messaging is
and what the point of a special
like that is, great.
Yeah.
But, like, judging whether
a comic is funny or not
is, like, we don't need...
Yeah.
Were they laughing?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And he didn't do that.
And he diametrically
opposed me to harry konabalu more than i would have wanted necessarily because again and i'm
glad he included in the end that i i think he's a funny guy and he's a good joke writer and he's
hard working like i don't want to sit here and make it a fucking beef yeah you know i mean that's
not that's not we'll have harry on the pod i would yeah if you ever want to come on the pod and
discuss apu or other things let's do it with akash and us we are more than welcome uh to having you here yeah okay absolutely open
discussion you feel a little bit better though you feel oh yeah when i read it i was like yo
this piece is good my parents read it they were proud like that's another thing to them this is
the biggest this is bigger than a self-review special on youtube to them for sure yeah even
if a million people saw it they're like yo this is the new york times this shit means something i sent this to india to our family and
they're like holy fuck yeah to that point to older folks like that's people were driven to theaters
and to yeah you know movies and specials from like the new york times like calendar and arts
and entertainment section is different now obviously and andrew's speaking from the point
of like you can drive drive it yourself and older immigrant cultures are they need validation from the outside because that's
how the world functions for them this is this is everybody it's like uh yeah the stamp of approval
you know especially for older generations comes from like when institutions co-sign you yeah right
like uh you know older people probably saw the Netflix special that we did and they were like, oh, my God, this guy has made it.
Yeah. Not realizing that like they're far more like lucrative endeavors that we've done that just didn't have that name.
The same thing with New York Times.
Lucrative and profile driving.
Yes, of course. But there is something nice about getting access to something that, you know, not that many people have access to.
Yeah. Right. Like there's a gatekeeper to be in the New York Times.
Yeah. And then you were chosen and you created a piece that regardless of that person wants to write a critical piece or a fluff
piece. I mean, you made sure that it was the piece that was based on like how you felt. So
that was up to you. But like, regardless of what that, what are that dude sentiment was going into
it, you created a piece that should have been written about. And that's pretty awesome. Yeah.
I'm a, yeah, again, I'm proud. And keep in mind you created it and put on youtube yeah like that
is power to the creator right you put a piece out on an open platform and it was so provocative and
successful that the new york times is reviewing a youtube piece yeah so to me that's the changing
of the guard right there yeah and that you know testament to you that's that's this guy that
created the model that's a question for you guys what's the thing real quick i was slandered
a little bit they said i'm 38 i'm not 38 for two more months so new york times i expect a
retraction see that guy didn't do his research doesn't even know who you are printed apology
i might have told him i'm 38 because i'd be rounding up but point is point is you know i
mean do some googling you know yeah you tricked him Do some Googling, you know? Yeah, you tricked him. Yeah, yeah.
You stuck it to him.
All right, guys.
We're going to take a break for a second because you got to get your skin game up, okay?
There's really no skincare regimen for dudes.
I mean, you can go to like a fancy dermatologist and maybe get one, but there's nothing that
you can actually get that's going to take care of you and be simple.
You go to the dermatologist, they're going to give you 15 different lotions because they're
probably getting paid on each one and they just want to run it up so they can add another piece of their home or a pool in the back of their house but not
geology okay geology cares about your skin geology wants you to get laid and how are you going to get
laid well there's a lot of different components out there but maybe not having pimples and having
beautiful soft creamy skin is one of them and geology got your back fellas and ladies if you're watching
right now make sure your man got that shit don't you want him to have amazing beautiful luscious
skin geology got it they simplified it it is easy okay you have the morning ritual the nighttime
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Make sure that you use that promo code flagrant so you get that 70% off. Now let's get
back to the show. Infamous tour news, guys. Birmingham, Alabama this weekend, might be a few
tickets left. New Orleans this weekend, might be a few tickets left. Then we're coming to Cleveland.
Cleveland, I'll see you there. Then Pittsburgh, I'll see you there as well. Get that right now,
theandrewschultz.com. Also, New York City, Radio City.
We added that second show.
Go gobble up them tickets.
Akash, what you got?
Yo, quick reminder, Vancouver, that show has moved to July 1st, Canada Day.
I'm running for prime minister.
Let's go.
March 18th through 20th, San Antonio.
I'm going to be at LOL Comedy Club.
April 1st and 2nd, I'm going to be at the Toledo Funny Bone in Ohio.
And April 8th and 9th, I'm going to be at the Tampa Improv. AkashSio and april 8th and 9th i'm gonna be at the tampa improv akash singh.com for tickets and now let's get back to the show what is the
thing for you guys as performers that the parents are the most impressed by you could say like it's
the money the like i my dad's impressed when i say how many people were at the theater that that
show i got 10 000 people in toronto this weekend it's like yeah yeah i think it's the theater size yeah theater size what that looks like is always very exciting
i think obviously like netflix is something they can just register and like share with their friends
yeah but also now it's so much easier to like share images with their friends because they're
all on instagram they're all like facebook so they can do that a little bit more but yeah
that's it's probably venue size.
And here's what's different.
The thing that your parents can personally be proud of
and be impressed by is different than the thing
they can share with their friends.
Like money is really fucking cool,
but your parents just can't say like,
oh my God, Andrew made so-and-so $1,000 this weekend
doing this venue.
They can't tell their friends that
without being giant douchebags.
So a Netflix special, a New York Times writer, writer whatever that thing is they can send that to their friends
and be like look at my boy yeah but the thing that means the most of them is probably money
but they can't tell their friends out without being giant assholes i mean no that's fire that's
so true yeah also your parents going to see you in the theater and like i wish they could have
gone to toronto because new york
was obviously crazy but i'm sure toronto was the fucking craziest and your parents not even just
seeing the number of people the fucking hoopla yeah that would be like oh my god look at how
these people are going crazy for my son yeah it's fun it's also nice to like treat them well within
the theater like give them like really fancy seats yeah i don't know just that experience for them i think is really special yeah yeah no that's great sharing that with them plus 25 at your own show
oh yeah the schultz is rolled in the camerons those are the cameras the camerons yeah yeah yeah
oh yeah i had my whole family from my mom's side that lives in canada to come to the toronto shows
toronto was fucking great toronto thank you so much man that was unbelievable like
the best thing that could ever happen to you in any city where you perform is getting canceled.
Yeah.
And then rebooking shows.
Right.
Because we probably got like a million dollars in free marketing from Massey Hall canceling us.
And then we did these three shows at a bigger venue, Meridian Hall, and it was fucking...
It looked insane.
Yeah, it was crazy.
It was fucking crazy, dude. And we had Snow pull up. You guys know the rapper Snow it looked insane yeah it was crazy it was fucking
crazy dude and we have snow pull up you guys know the rapper yeah yeah it was great dude okay so
snow if you guys don't know we're gonna have him on the fucking pod this guy is an absolute character
he is out of a it's a movie dude like i mean it was just unbelievable his story he basically
when his song informer came out and i'll sing it so you
guys know in format you know so like banger he don't even know the lyrics we asked him backstage
he goes buddy i'm the first mumble rapper yeah right so his story is so fucking his story's
unbelievable when that song came out went number one he was in prison
get the fuck out of here yeah and the label did this on purpose he he had two like he'd like an
attempted murder charge or whatever like that or like two in canada so while he's on bail for that
he comes to new york and he's just chilling kind of like rapping singing on the corner and mc shan
finds him and records an album with him he goes back to canada to go do the time he beat the
attempted murder he got got another charge.
And he's just in prison.
His shit just fucking explodes.
And the song is so goddamn catchy.
I've been singing it for the last two days
just because we played it three times.
My wife is fucking singing it.
It's unbelievably catchy, this song.
Every once in a while, a song would just fucking do that.
But he starts telling us his life story.
The guy comes from a family of boosters, thieves.
That was the profession. When he was in in prison he was there with his brother his dad his cousins like literally
his whole family more people were in thanksgiving in prison was better because the whole family was
in prison like he told me he's like when i was growing up if you got like a regular job you were
a loser like my family wasn't proud of me if i got a regular they weren't good boosters if they were all locked up exactly they could have been better i didn't say it was the major leagues
but uh but yeah so he was just telling me like growing up like that and he grew up in this
jamaican neighborhood and he's one of these people who i'm like so convinced that life is so much more
nurture than nature because when you meet him and you see him and like just the way that he is
the guy's jamaican he's canadian jamaican dude like it's authentic yeah like i know people who
put it on this is who the guy is it's hard to be mad at somebody who's authentically that he's
authentic and he came out and he fucking oh dude it was great so he closed the show apparently i was even reading about it the reason why he stayed in jail when the song came out and he fucking, oh, dude, it was great. So he closed the show. Apparently, I was even reading about it.
The reason why he stayed in jail when the song came out was because he wouldn't snitch on one of his boys.
Because, like, he didn't commit the crime.
But when his friends did, he knew.
And they wanted him to be an informer.
Yo, you want to know the crazy thing?
That's the song, isn't it?
This is the crazy thing.
This is the crazy thing.
So in Canada, there's a rule where like if you're on the stand saying what happened,
it can't be used against you in the court of law.
Okay.
His boy did the crime.
Yeah.
He didn't do it.
But his family had so much beef with the cops that they were trying to put it on him.
The cops knew.
Okay. But his whole family, I mean, his mom got put it on him the cops knew okay but that his whole family is i mean
his mom got her their legs broken by the cops like the cops just hated his fucking family so
they tried to put the attempted murders on him he knew that he wasn't the one that did it and his
boy did it so his boy goes on the stand and admits everything because it can't be used against him
And admits everything.
Because it can't be used against him.
Right?
So he gets to go, oh, I did this, I did that, whatever, blah, blah.
And he says the exact way that everything happened. So the jury goes, well, it must have been him.
Now it can't be used against him.
And then Snow gets off because clearly he wasn't the one who did it in the first place.
This is out of a movie.
And the most fucked up part is his song is the number one song in the U.S.
It's the highest charting reggae song ever.
To this day, it's like the highest charting reggae song it was like number one for eight weeks yeah and he wasn't
able to go to america to tour it to tour it gets kicked out of country can't go go to japan because
he's killing in fucking japan kicked out of japan as well because i guess he's a felon so he's locked
in uh canada i think eventually he was able to come back here daddy yankee puts out the remix of
informer recently number one fucking song on latin radio number one so now he's touring again with
latin with uh was it con calma con calma con calma you know she not as the man
so i think we need to get him on on the pod apparently he's doing drink champ soon
so but we gotta get him on but can it was fucking great thank you guys so much for coming out
i didn't realize this but that was a lot of people's first time yeah i was thinking about
this yeah oh and it was so smart for you to not cancel the shows yeah you got everybody's fucking
like people were fucking charged up and it was it was really great i don't know like
it was really great to be able to deliver their first show in three years yeah like it was really
great that that was the first live event that they were at yeah and i don't know first i like
those stakes i like that i like it to be heightened i want yeah i want to give you the fucking night
of your life man like and it was just it was just really
cool it was it was just really cool thank you guys everybody who came out it means a lot i hope you
guys had a great time yeah what else what else guys britney griner locked up britney griner
locked up man do you know the background of this story you familiar with it yeah okay do you want
to break it down a little bit yeah so basically in so in, so Brittany Griner is a WNBA player.
She plays for a WNBA team in the United States.
And in the off season, you go to Russia, play for a WNBA team there.
And that's where you make a ton of money because the oligarchs basically run the league, sponsor
everything, bread up all the girls that play.
Yeah.
I mean, she was making like a million dollars a year to go play over there.
She's not making close to that here.
I think the team she was playing for is in Ekaterinburg or something like that or something like that or something like that i don't know the exact name uh but yeah
basically she goes over there she's been playing there since 2015 so she's gone she's gone for the
past seven years back and forth to russia like she has roots in russia like where she's like
has her house where she goes and stays the whole deal yeah and then this time around she went and
like i there's no exact date early feb i think it was like february 4th or something like that early feb is what i've heard so she goes early february and she's in the airport
going into russia and as she's walking past like a narcotics dog the dog sniffs what they claim
like narcotic material in her bag they search her bag and they find basically like hash oil or vape
oil from her it's a vape that has hash oil in it allegedly yeah and then they say all right yeah
this is like a class one
narcotic blah blah russia you're trying to bring narcotics into russia that's like a huge crime
five to ten years in prison and basically she's locked up but no one knew what had happened at
the time so it had been a month basically and then new york times breaks the article says
yo bernie ground has been in prison for the last month. Now, keep this in mind here. This is a week before
the Russia-Ukraine war starts. So when this story pops up, I think it was two days ago,
everybody's going, oh, shit, she was going over there and they got her. They locked her up and
they're using this as some sort of like tool for war. Right. We're going to get a high profile
athlete from America and keep them in prison. This will put pressure on America to either negotiate with us
or help us get what we want, et cetera. I don't think that, and now that we know that it happened
weeks ago, I don't think that this, I think this was coincidental. I think Britney fucked up by
having some hash oil in the vape. They arrest her the airport and i think that she's in jail and i think before russia invades ukraine they're probably
doing a check to see which americans and which high profile americans are in russia yeah all
of a sudden britney gets flagged and they're like oh thank you very much thank you very much because
please believe if you're a high profile athlete in russia and you get caught with a little vape oil, you're let out.
These oligarchs are doing whatever the fuck they want.
We went to a strip club with hookers.
It was right across the street from, like, the court in Moscow.
There's no rules as long as you have money.
And these oligarchs could easily get her ass out without a question.
But a week, let's say they find out two days before they invade russia ukraine they knew they
were invading russia ukraine for months yeah apparently and i can't confirm this but the
gg ping or whatever the fucking chinese guy he told him not to do it until after the olympics
so an invasion is planned for months right right right right you got to make sure that you have a
war chest built up meaning you have enough money that you could sustain any type of hits not only
to your army but to your economy right like what these sanctions are doing for us right now i think
they saved up 650 billion dollars as a war chest right so they knew what's going on that gets flagged
and i don't know this for sure but 100 i believe that they're keeping her ass there
yeah as like a bargaining chip yes i don't even know if it's a bargaining chip but just basically
a way to like put a little pressure on the U.S.
Yeah.
Like we could keep your girls here.
Simple as that.
And then what do we do?
She broke the rule.
Yeah, man.
She knew the rule.
Yeah, man.
What do we do?
Do we go to war for a girl who broke the rule going into another country?
I think an A-list movie star would get locked up for doing something like this,
and they would not get let out.
And we wouldn't have much leverage. I don't think. So like I think for A-list movie star would get locked up for doing something like this and they would not get let out. And we wouldn't have much leverage.
I don't think.
So, like, I think for Brittany Griner, it's weird because maybe she thought, like, I won't get in any trouble.
I got this oligarch back in me because I'm trying to figure out what makes you so bold as to take drugs internationally.
Honestly, it could be an accident.
I would 100% believe that it's like it was a silly vape pen it was in one
of her bags she's got three different bags she's a fucking hamster in for a week doesn't remember
yeah i mean she was flying new york to she flew from the state it was new york to moscow but like
i this is my assumption i don't think she's going i'm gonna sneak this by and she probably knows how
strict things are in russia granted she's backed by this oligarch who can get her out of any trouble
that being said let's not ruffle feathers also she's aware by this oligarch who can get her out of any trouble. That being said, let's not ruffle feathers.
Also, she's aware, way more aware than most people, of the tensions between Russia and Ukraine.
Apparently, they were all told this stuff.
People in the Ukraine were told, get the fuck out weeks before.
So she chose to go back knowing full well what was going on between Russia and the Ukraine
and that war was going to probably happen within Ukraine.
So it's not going to hurt her in Russia,
but still that,
that is her bread and butter.
That's where she makes all the money.
Yeah.
That's where you make the money.
I understand you going back.
I also,
I don't,
I feel sorry for her.
I also think there is a part of you that's like,
yo,
you know where you're going.
You know what the stakes are.
You gotta be pretty fucking careful,
yo.
I don't think you have room to say,
and it's not to say I don't feel bad for but you don't
have room to say ah i just packed the normal bag that i packed you gotta look through your shit
pretty thoroughly if you know you're going to russia at a time like this and you were warned
about it 100 but i do i do also go like have i really looked into my backpack you know i mean
i got a bunch of pockets in my backpack i don't really know what the fuck is in there.
It's possible that there's a little vape pen or there's some fucking CBD oils and shit.
Honestly, domestic, I completely understand how that, and I don't smoke weed, but like,
you're going from fucking here to Colorado or, I mean, it's illegal there, but you know
what I'm saying?
What if she's not packing her bag?
This is a millionaire WNBA player who's got all these different things.
That's true.
Her wife could be packing her bag. Yeah, that packing her bag and her wife could have left it in
there from the last time they would did a trip together.
This could be completely accidental.
I don't think she was like knowingly trying to break the law thinking,
Oh,
they're not going to do anything to me.
I'm Brittany Griner.
I think she's got into Russia plenty of times with it.
Yeah.
So as like,
she's like,
Oh,
I'm good.
I get taken care.
Now,
if somebody else packed their bag, that's different. But if you've been warned, you like, she's like, Oh, I'm good. Every time I'm here, I get taken care of. Now, if somebody else packed their bag,
that's different.
But if you've been warned,
you're going,
you're making a choice to go at a pretty crazy time.
You have to know this isn't any,
this isn't just every other time I've gone.
This is a different thing.
This is almost like,
uh,
the NBA players in the bubble is like,
Oh,
you can't get anything in and out,
in and out.
The big players got whatever the fuck they needed.
So she's looking,
she's probably going there. It's like, eh, I'll be all right.
Like I have an oligarch who owns my team.
I'll be good.
No, this is what Al's saying is really interesting.
When you see how malleable the law is, right?
For this oligarch or for the team that you're playing with,
when you see how malleable the rules are, and they are malleable in these countries, right?
When I say these countries, I mean the countries where if you have money, shit just goes your way.
Yeah.
Right?
You start to think that you are the oligarch.
You are above the rules.
She probably, and I don't even blame her for this, didn't realize how distant she was from that oligarch.
She is an American, she is an american which is
an enemy of the state that's the thing you got to be aware of the fact that you're not
like you're not an oligarch not only not an oligarch you're an american like that's a
different fucking thing how much how much is britney griner or the average american really
reading up about like russia ukraine if you're living there you
should be aware if if some if she was just visiting and it's in her bag cool i can understand
and i'm not saying i don't feel bad you there's a lot of validity to what you're saying i also
think there's validity to you got to be fucking careful dog i went what can we do for you i went
to the ukraine while they were at war with Russia for a party weekend.
You weren't on your best behavior?
No.
I fucked a girl in a nightclub.
And then I paid for a hooker by going to five different ATM machines.
If you got locked up, I would do everything I could personally to get you out or whatever.
But like, what the fuck is Schultz thinking?
I mean, every one of us would be like, privately, what the fuck was this guy thinking?
Fam, 100%. I guess what i'm trying to say
and you have every right to say that like i put myself in that situation i guess what i'm saying
is i can see how it's easy to be negligent yes and it's easy like i didn't even research how close
kiev was to crimea and where the shit was going down i didn't even look into it and we went that
year i only went you were like that's the only spot where my dates line up my mom says yeah
dress warm i mean i got a message from expedia this is an active war zone what
why did you tell me that before i fucking bought the ticket they let me buy the ticket i get a
message afterwards yeah by the way don't by the way yeah they go by this is an active war zone
do you also need a rental car yeah but shelty looked at his phone and was like, it's not an act of war, though.
That probably won't happen.
I asked my girl.
I was like, babe, is there a war?
She's like, nah.
It's just tension.
They say it's DEFCON 1, it's DEFCON 3.
It's not a hot war, it's a cold war.
By the way, also, she should know a lot of these Russian rules.
I mean, she's a lesbian, and Russia isn't the friendliest to...
I mean, they're paying these WNBA players a lot of money. Who says that they she's a lesbian and russia isn't the friendliest to i mean they're
paying these wmba players a lot of money who says that they're not friendly athletes first
but then afterwards you know what they were doing for years oh yeah what was that song by
them two little light lesbians what were their names all the things she said all the things
tattoo yeah yeah yeah they were fired yeah whatever happened to them where they at i don't
know wmba somewhere i don't know okay so then what happens to britney grinder she's staying
until sanctions are we're on the brink of world war three we can't fuck around with anybody in
another prison i don't care who you are if it's brad pitt hey you in that motherfucker dog who
would we go get any do you think it's any nba player i mean lebron
we're getting do you think so yeah yeah it's not even a question we're getting lebron
hostily or like hey hey take what you want no i think there's gonna be like a conversation
that's behind the scenes and where it's like we're gonna need lebron back yeah and then they're gonna
go well you have two of our spies and then we're gonna go okay you can're gonna need lebron back yeah and then they're gonna go well you have
two of our spies and then we're gonna go okay you can get spies for lebron yes yes he's that
important cultural figure it makes america look so weak if we can't get lebron james think about
you're young so lebron is like jordan for your generation imagine michael jordan was locked up
abroad that's war fam i'm not gonna lie People need to get killed
People need to get killed
You could possibly drop a nuke
Not Jordan there
That's their shield
We gotta drop it somewhere far away
The surrounding cities
That's the only reason we not dropping the nuke
Jordan would survive the nuke
He probably would
He might be the only one You thought you would kill me with a nuke bitches
i take that person i think he'd break a break out of prison on his own to be honest with you i don't
think he could get locked up yeah i think he'd just hop over them fucking jail cells game six
versus the russians well i'm just saying there are certain people where we are getting busy and
it'd just be back talks i think it's called uh what is the uh
behind the scenes combos what do they call that in politics channel back channel exactly we're
giving them spies we're giving them some people we have locked up from them or we have some of
their like um quote unquote like not their real ambassadors but people that are like basically
here to meddle with shit and we're like okay listen you can have these people back we got
them locked up you can have them back or it's not even people that are over here.
It's people that are locked up in another country in Europe.
And then we call that country in Europe.
We're like, yo, France,
we're going to need you to give up some spies to Russia
so we get Jordan back, yo.
But we're not doing that for Brittany Griner.
Yeah, is this a testament to how little we are going to do for Brittany Griner?
Because if LeBron got locked up,
I don't even think we'd let that hit the news.
This wouldn't even be a news story. had a month and america was like nah
you could leak that shit like it's fine son we had 30 days to get this girl back nobody even
knew she was gone yeah it's a seven foot black woman that can dunk and we didn't even know that
she wasn't in america that's the worst part yo is the wma season going right now you gotta be
feeling like shit right now yeah like. Like nobody's talking about this.
Nobody.
Yeah, I'd be tight.
This is the only way she feels lonelier than when she looks up in the stands at a WNBA game.
I think we just got to get a Russian.
We got to capture one.
Okay.
Who?
Ovechkin.
Oh.
Hockey player.
I heard a crazy story about Alexander Ovechkin.
So you know how like the Stanley Cup, they've had a few different Stanley Cups, but the Stanley Cup is one cup.
And it's the same one every year.
It's not like you get one, you get to keep it.
It's the same one.
And they add the little plates onto it.
And then every NHL player, when you win the Stanley Cup, you get a day with the cup.
And not only do you get a day with the cup, and this also is with the NBA trophy as well.
There's a handler of the cup that goes with you everywhere the cup goes to make sure that gets back.
So a veteran apparently goes back to Russia, loses the handler.
So some people are like, this cup that we got right now ain't the real cup.
Putin got that shit.
Yo.
Man, that's crazy.
I don't care a lot.
I thought that story was fine.
That's like Ocean's Twelve with the Faber care. I thought that story was fine.
That's like Ocean's Twelve with the Faberge eggs.
That's upsetting.
That's a dope story.
But he's like, bro, you just killed me.
I was like smiling, looking at you like a golden retriever.
Tommy, it's good.
Tommy, the story's good. You trying to get Alex to care about the Stanley Cup?
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because you're not clapping your girls' cheeks the way that they should be clapped.
Okay?
And ladies, if you're listening right now now you know exactly what i'm talking about you're not getting
your cheeks clapped in the way that they should okay and there's one solution for that and that's
clap cleats you see that right here do you see that you can wear socks and clap cheeks in a
masterful way when you've got a little bit of that traction on the ground. You don't have to expose your feet, okay?
Ladies, also, you can wear these.
The dude's hitting it from the back, okay?
You're falling all over the place with your socks slipping and sliding.
You can't have sex the right way.
The clap cleats are going to save your night, going to save your morning, might save your
fucking life, okay?
I love the clap.
I wear them on my hands too.
I wear them on my hands too i wear them on my hands too
not because i'm down on all fours but because i might need to clap cheeks with these hands as
well and i need to get a good grip if a girl's bucking and going crazy reverse cowgirl i need
to latch on hold it there so she doesn't go astray okay clap cleats You use them on all four appendages.
Yeah.
Appendages.
Is that what it's called?
Get to clapping and get 20% off when you use the promo code flagrant.
Go to clap cleats dot com promo code flagrant.
That's 20% off.
OK, you buy a pair for your feet, a pair for your hands, and you're fucking ready to go.
Matter of fact, buy some for your girl as well.
She could just stand there like Eeyore waiting waiting to get clapped let's get back to the show on principle we got a lockable vechkin on principle just just so we don't look like bitches dude yeah we'll treat him nice we
love a vechkin you know i mean he's a good guy yeah we'll give him like a nice little rank in
a cell or whatever but like you can't you know we just want tip for tat that's one thing tip for
tat britney grinder is not getting touched
in that prison. Which prison do you think they put her in?
Oh my God.
In the woman's prison.
What do you mean? Which prison?
No, the woman's. Why would you go there with it,
Mark? Yeah, that was fucked up, bro. That's fucked up.
You were just talking about gender.
Yeah, like I know a little bit about the most dangerous
prisons in the world. I'm not a bigot
like you. Yeah, what a fucking jerk this guy is.
You're going to play games with someone's life?
Wait, what did I do?
You're going to put her in one of them Russian jails where people got tattoos on their knees and shit?
She'd be able to handle herself, bro.
You never seen Eastern Promises, son?
Nah.
Dude, you haven't seen movies.
That's a crazy movie.
Where's the prison that's super cold?
They sent them that far away.
That's what I was talking about. Not the gulags, this motherfucker. The one in Siberia. That's a crazy movie where's the prison that's super cold they sent him that far away that's what i was talking about not the gulags this motherfucker the one in siberia that's a gulag
no the gulags was in ukraine that's what i thought yeah they're everywhere they sent
them everywhere nah yeah no you don't think there's only one gulag there's only one gulag
no there's gulags throughout ukraine yeah that shit was in ukraine yeah well it wasn't ukraine
back then it was i don't know what a gulag is, to be honest.
I just know the name.
It's just a work camp.
I thought it was a food, bro.
It's just a work camp.
You sound like a German.
Just a work camp, yeah.
Making some purses and shit.
Okay.
Okay, so we move on from Brittany Griner.
I'm just curious.
How do Russians here in America feel?
Are they wondering, is the Russian hate going to start?
Yeah, stop Russian hate.
Apparently it started.
Has it?
Yeah, that Russian teahouse spot has been empty for the last two weeks.
Yeah, people just haven't been going.
Oh, what hate.
But that's different.
That's how it starts, bro.
Oh, we're not getting no Russian tea.
That's how it happened at the start of fucking coronavirus. Keep it a Russian team. That's what happened at the start of fucking coronavirus.
Keep it a buck.
Because we kept eating Chinese food through the whole fucking pandemic.
No, during COVID, Chinatown was empty.
You remember that?
Well, we were all inside.
That's because we stayed in, so we wouldn't get it.
No, during the beginning of February, Nancy Pelosi had to go down there and be like, come on.
But we were ordering delivery, son.
Not one Chinese restaurant closed the entire time.
That's like the conspiracy theory.
Not one Jew was in the towers.
Not one Chinese restaurant closed the entire time during the pandemic.
That's why fire Chinese food is.
Do you blame us
for not going to Chinatown
at the beginning of the pandemic?
I didn't go to Chinatown.
What are you talking about?
Of course.
That's where that shit came from.
Chinatown, bro?
It came from a specific...
That's racial.
It came from a Chinese town.
Yes.
A town in China.
A town in China.
Wuhan.
Yeah.
So I'm staying away
from all Chinese towns.
I wasn't going to Wuhan,
but I went to Chinatown
I was up in that bitch trying to get to the bottom of this
I was doing my detective work
You know what I mean
Call me Batman
Riddle me this
Why y'all started it
I'm saying who's the most likely to have just flown from China
Where are they going to stay
Probably Chinatown right
I'm not going there just yet
Let's wait until this shit spreads throughout the whole country
And then I'll go
So would you not go to like a russian part of town no no i wouldn't go to
russian part of town pre-war the fuck is in the russian part of town stop russian hate bro
stop russian hate and matter of fact you haven't been doing enough to support because we spent a
lot of time at a ukrainian restaurant we spent a lot of our formative years in comedy ukrainian
restaurant vaselka let's go what have you done to help the ukrainian people nothing oh nothing a Ukrainian restaurant. We spent a lot of our formative years in comedy in a Ukrainian restaurant.
Veselka.
Let's go back.
And what have you done
to help the Ukrainian people?
Nothing.
Oh.
Nothing.
You don't help farmers.
You don't help Ukrainians.
You help nobody.
Wait, what am I saying?
You help nobody.
I went to Veselka
three days ago.
Abba dabba doo.
I went to Veselka
three days ago.
When was the last time
you went to Veselka?
Did you buy anything?
Yeah, dude.
What'd you buy?
Pierogis.
Lies.
Borscht.
I know for a fact
that this is lies. I know for a fact that this is lies
i know for a fact this is lies i checked up on you boy oh i checked up on you boy i talked to
the people of vaselka i said make sure they treat him good and what did they say i was actually
there no you weren't there i did i swear to god i was there this has been closed for a week i was
gonna take pictures there for the new york times write up and then what happened and then they
wouldn't let me in told you you you didn't buy shit,
son of a bitch.
I was there, though. Because they know that you're not helping.
They wouldn't let you in.
I was trying to help, yo.
I wouldn't let you in, though.
I'm trying to take pictures
for the New York Times.
Why don't you just bust down the door
and invade that shit?
They were like, yo,
you gotta go in the other door.
You gotta wait in line.
It was like a 45-minute wait.
They wouldn't let me skip the table.
They wouldn't let me take pictures.
Yeah, because people are actually
trying to support Ukrainian business right now.
I'm trying to take a picture in Vysok
and give them PR.
Nah, because you look Dagestani. That's what it is. What did you pr because you look dagastani that's what it is that's what it is they thought you were a
normaga medoff coming in there instead he went to a tea house right yeah oh russian was it a
russian ts you son of a bitch no who's fucking son of a bitch the gayest tea house quite frankly
alice's teacup, that place is nice.
It's nice.
I've never been there.
It's not nice.
No, it's all right.
It's the only place that nobody was in, so we went there.
But what have you done for Ukraine?
I don't like to talk about my philanthropy.
But I have done a lot.
In the past season, a lot.
In the past, I've done a lot.
And currently, I've done a lot.
Yeah.
Yes, I have.
Yeah.
I've donated to Ukrainian propaganda. Okay. I have done everything in my power i've done a lot yeah yes i have yeah i've donated to uh ukrainian
propaganda okay all right i have done everything in my power to dispel russian propaganda
you've dispelled a lot of ukrainian propaganda i think you got that flip
yeah last week weren't you all like hey every story is fake that makes ukraine look good
you're the russian you're the fucking russian oh wait oh you didn't know which side i'm on
what side are you on i'm russian side oh yeah yeah start start russian hate everybody that's
my motto start russian hate if we gotta start it here right now what jesus what i say the only
person who kept it real was lindsey graham what did lindsey graham he was like yo somebody over
in russia just assassinate that motherfucker. Wait, who? Assassinate Putin.
He said that and then everybody, his whole squad was like, yo, chill out.
Yo, but like calling for the assassination of Putin is like,
what are you doing?
How?
I mean.
How?
How is a good question, but I'm not outraged that he said it.
Yeah, but like as if the people in russia are like oh we should
like you don't think the people that oppose him haven't thought about that shit i thought they
were talking and they're not waiting for lindsey graham to give them the okay there's a bunch of
lindsey graham fans in russia bro is that it if lindsey says it now we're gonna get this shit
done he's our guy we gotta listen lindsey hive bro lindsey hive is deep in russia yo they're
apparently trying to assassinate zielinski. Yeah, three times they tried.
This motherfucker bulletproof, dog.
You know what's funny is that he knows about three.
Yeah, he's got more than three.
But the Russians are like, oh, y'all think it was just three.
That's adorable.
But is he making that up?
Mm-hmm.
You never know.
I mean, isn't this whole thing one big assassination attempt that's true it's not
just three times it's like every time that's true the whole thing is yo and that's the thing that's
crazy we take for granted like the ease of being a politician in america yeah in other countries
being a politician is fucking brave because if you lose or someone else takes power off with your head fam yeah here it's
just getting kickbacks and saying shit to dumb people here's making fucking two hundred thousand
dollars a year and having two hundred million dollars in your bank account yeah well how did
you should get for that right no i know that sounds crazy nancy pelosi but like maybe we'll
just believe that one word maybe we'll just believe the one word that i said that word could
be yeah who knows what that word could be? Yeah, who knows what that word could be? But if you're making $200,000
and you have $200 million in your bank account,
maybe we should bleep your fucking ass and roll it
down the streets in Chinatown.
Maybe we should do that.
Who knows what those words could be?
Was that another bleep?
That was a positive message. I'm just saying, if you're making that little
in salary and somehow manage to amass
$200 million... Wait, I'm not clear yet.
What do you think should happen? I think that we should
in Times Square. Okay.
And I think that we should throw a thousand
chopsticks at her. I think that we should do that.
Death by chopsticks.
I think that we should do that. Do you think that that's
a good idea? There might be something else going on
here. I'm not fully clear on what
you're saying. I'm just not catching it yet. What do you think should
happen? I think we should drown her in duck sauce.
I think that we should put her in a vat of duck sauce
and I think that we should drown her.
I think that we should do that. And then we should see if she
could drink herself out of it. I think that one
actually stayed in.
I'm just saying, I see...
I think you just bleeped the one word and then
in duck sauce, it could be, you know what I mean?
It is just like,
the more radical a country
is, the more understandable it is when their leader dies. Like, if Putin gets assassinated, it's not like the like in the more radical a country is the more understandable it is when their
uh leader dies like if putin gets assassinated it's not like the people in the west are gonna
go well i didn't see that coming yeah yeah well you know this is a civilized country we're talking
about so that's i mean that's that's yeah i was thinking that there might be a joke about this
that uh uh but like like you know how like all these reports are coming out about like Ukrainians going like we are blonde haired, blue eyed, European.
Like, like, I think like Ukrainians just realized that like their levels to whiteness.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, like, like, like white people know there's levels to this shit, but we don't really acknowledge it.
You know what I mean?
And like.
You don't tell the other ones.
We don't really tell them.
And it's funny because there are some whites there are some whites that think that they're not part of
like top tier white but they are oh yeah please rank the whites i would love to notice i don't
know this this is this is you ready for the whites you ready for the white ranking this is the white
ranking um europeans are whites okay western europeans though western europeans are whites. Okay? Western Europeans, though. Western Europeans are whites.
Okay.
Okay?
These are white people.
Italians, they think they're not.
You're white.
You're part of it.
All of them are whites.
Even Sicilians.
Even Sicilians.
Okay.
If, for example, if Russia tried to invade France, it's on and popping.
Okay.
All right.
When the fucking Notre Dame was on fire, the whole world was crying,
donating money,
firemen from all over the fucking place
coming down to do it.
All of Ukraine is on fire.
And people are like,
well, we'll figure slowly,
slowly but surely with diplomacy.
Let diplomacy work, right?
And I really think that there's a little bit of,
there's a little bit of a gap.
Yeah, there's a little separation.
They're white, but are they? No, they're Eastern Europeanan like when you look at fucking khabib that's a white
guy you know it's funny it's khabib white you know it's funny what's funny is is the way they
talk that's what it is that zip zip zip shit that makes you not white i'll be honest with you dude
al if a white guy is talking that zip zip shit is he white or is he not white i don't if a white guy is talking that zip-zip shit, is he white or is he not white? I don't know. A white guy walks up to you, zip-zip-zip-zip-zip.
Y'all all white to me, though.
No, but be honest, though.
Be honest.
A white guy in fucking skinny jeans and a tight shirt, and it stops before the bicep ends, and he's talking that zip-zip shit?
See, but you just threw this whole shit, because I thought Italians, Irish, I thought that was a little less there.
They white.
That's marketing. That's marketing. But here's the thing. We never call never call it western europe we just call it europe and then we call it eastern europe exactly there's not west and east europe it's europe and eastern europe it's
like virginia and and like west virginia yeah we think west virginia a little shittier right
it's like a little bit yeah i agree and that's really kind of what it now
it's fucked up it's fucked up who's the lowest white say what who's the lowest white
who is he no he's not even white yes he's african yeah he's white specifically he's african
Yes, it's so funny. He's African. Yeah, he's white. He specifically is African.
I do not think I'm white. You're white. He's white enough, but he's African. You don't see yourself as white. He's from Africa. He's from Africa.
Yeah, but like a few generations back. For hundreds of years.
No, no, South Africans moved there. His people have always been there.
Yeah, but. This guy's white, bro.
You don't view him as white. No, he's not white. you don't view him as no he's not white he's not white
you don't view this guy as like arab yo yo he's more african than you
he is 100 african you're 50 and whatever percent got to puerto rico
i'm exactly what french montana. He gets to say the N-word. Say it, Duff!
No!
Say it!
Because apparently, because I haven't been shot at yet.
Wait, is he Jewish?
Wow, that did not make you any less racist.
I know.
I'm not black enough, and I haven't been shot at.
Literally, that was Al's gauge.
It was because he was shot.
That's weird, because y'all have the same complexion,
but I view you as white, and he's not white.
He was born in Pakistan.
I was born in LA.
But also, I was born in the US.
Wow.
Yeah, so now you're learning there's levels to this shit.
Is French Montana Jewish?
Yo, Spain?
No.
Spain?
White.
What's the difference?
I'm trying to tell you how they're white, okay?
What about Cubans?
Cubans?
Depends.
There's white Cubans, there's black Cubans.
Yeah, but we don't see Cubans as white.
White Cubans we do.
Culturally, they're not white.
White Cubans we bring them on board.
I'm telling you how white Cubans we see.
White Cubans we bring them on board.
We bring them on board.
You didn't bring on fucking Elion.
You didn't bring on Elion.
We brought that wet little motherfucker onto the land.
Did we not?
Because he got here through the oceans. Did we not? Wet because he was
he got here through the oceans.
Yeah, but then we sent him back to his dad, bro.
You can't just be swimming for no fucking reason, bro.
Also, he didn't throw fast enough.
Please believe. That's true.
Please believe we could put him in a little league. That motherfucker
would be in Miami to this day.
What about Uruguayans? You think they're white?
Yeah, there's white Uruguayans then there's
native american ones i'm just saying there's levels to this white shit yo yo poland that's
where it starts to get a little bit what no this is so i think poland is white i am learning a lot
today bro there's levels bro yeah then how why would we sanction cuba if cuba's white if it's
got white people no it's cuba people in Cuba? Cuba's a country.
Poland's not. Poland's a people.
What are you saying?
Poland's a people.
I like your question.
I'm at 68 degrees right now.
Let me look at this temperature.
And also back to your point, like northern Italians,
white. South of Rome,
get tan. But I think culturally we view
Italy as white. I don't think we view Italy as white. I don't think
we view Cuba as white.
Can I be honest with you?
Can I be honest with you?
It's based on your language, bro.
If you speak that
zip zip shit
I'm gonna be honest with you.
So what is it? Luka Doncic.
Luka Doncic.
Luka Doncic. Does he speak
that zippity zippity doodah?
Yeah, yeah.
For sure.
He's Slovenian.
If he's zippity doodah-ing all over the place, that guy is a little bit off-white.
Are you saying most of you can't claim him?
Say what?
You can't claim him.
He ain't black, bro.
He's Obama.
That's a hit.
Y'all get Obama, we got Luka.
That's what it is.
Okay, fair trade.
I'll give you that.
All I'm trying to say is there's levels to this white shit.
Y'all think all white people are the same.
We're not the same.
Did Trump marry a white woman?
No.
Wow.
He married a minority white.
Wow.
Is Khabib white to you?
When you see Khabib and all his people, you see three white people?
No.
Not really.
How do you describe it?
Khabib commits a crime.
What do you tell the cops?
Can you just answer this real quick? Khabib commits a crime. What do you tell the cops? Can you just answer this real quick?
Khabib commits a crime.
What do you tell the cops?
The kid from Jumanji that was transforming.
Yeah, I was trying to say the monkey looking dude.
I can say that.
Here is Khabib.
Okay, go.
What do we say?
If you got a stan in your country, that shit ain't white.
Yo, yo.
Stan, that's us.
Yes, yes. I don't know if it's yo don that's us yeah yes yes that's us kazakhstan
because they on that zippity zip shit and if you do that shit you're not white fully
but if you learn how to speak english like a normal fucking white person
you know can i be honest can i be can i be dead serious honest with you no no no this is facts
can i be dead serious honest if you're from regular europe yeah there ain't no white dude bro hey
hey we're not talking about that you're distracting right now if you're from regular europe if you're
from regular europe and you speak your language but you don't also speak english you're not white. Like, if you only speak French,
if you only speak French,
you're not white, bro.
You're not white.
You know what I'm saying?
You want to be part of NATO?
Learn some fucking English.
I think he's right, yo.
I'm saying, son.
Because in those countries,
they teach you both.
Even if you choose not to speak,
you know it.
So you're choosing not to side with them.
You're the ops.
You don't speak.
You're the ops, bro. That's different. You're the ops. Okay. Do you speak English or not? you know it. So you choosing not to side with the... You the ops. You don't speak... You the ops, bro.
Oh, no, that's different.
You the ops.
Okay.
Do you speak English or not?
That's white.
Yeah, yeah.
Al, you white.
Al, you white, bro.
Yeah.
But my level of English is like, I ain't all the way white.
That's right.
You're not 100% white.
If your English was nicer, you'd be white, bro.
No, but Al chose not to learn Spanish.
That's how white this man is.
That's what I'm saying.
That's what I'm saying.
You a white boy.
You?
Hey.
Fuck off.
Come on, white boy.
Come on, white boy.
Nah, nah.
Hey, white boy.
It's offensive.
Hey, white boy, you part of this, bro.
I think that's your N-word, bro.
I'm saying white boy.
Yeah.
Oh.
Yeah.
Actually, it stinks, bro.
It did hurt a little bit, huh, white boy?
Hey, toughen up, white boy.
Crackers.
I can't take any more of this.
The most white thing to do.
Who's the man in the studio?
So that's facts, bro.
You from Hungary?
Come on, yo.
Yeah.
Dude from Hungary, you don't claim white
and you know the caucus mountains where the word caucasian comes from is
ukraine russia caucasian comes from english bro
if you speak english or not that's it bro i'm sorry this is facts okay you know what i mean you mean a portuguese bro
yeah yeah come on bro that's not white that's white right they don't speak english
you've never seen a portuguese person here we go put on the fucking show with the people
speaking portuguese fine love on the Spectrum or whatever. Nah, they definitely sound a little tardy with it.
They do.
They sound a little tardy.
We're not a city of gods.
Them motherfuckers.
They're a little bit tardy.
Bro, Czech Republic.
Czech, you're English, bro.
Do you speak normal or do you speak the zippity zip shit?
Because nobody trying to listen to that. Zipper mouths. Yo, do you see normal or do you speak the zippity zip shit because nobody trying to listen to that zipper mouths yo do you see pooing do you see pooing pooing every address
no bro wow yeah wow cut it out cut it out bro if he was invading a country that spoke English and didn't know how to speak any of that zippity zip, then I think it's a different game.
I think we out there.
What are Scandinavians?
Say again?
What do they speak?
Depends which ones.
Finns?
What are the not white fucking Norwegians?
No, no, no.
Finland's?
Finland?
That's Russia, bro.
Yeah, Finland's actually not uh consider scandinavian
yeah they're not part of it sweden i don't know you don't know i know yeah they're fucking russia
bro they're the whitest dude what are you talking about wait you think they're white people they're
the whitest people their english is always blonde hair blue eyes They're the ones that we cry about. That's where it's wrong.
That's where it's wrong.
Okay?
It's not about blonde hair, blue eyes.
That's not what makes a white.
No, it's not.
That's not what makes a white.
Well, it's not Hitler's fucking Germany no more, son.
You think we live in Hitler's Germany?
The motherfucking boys!
Stop that.
Came in with some English.
And how do we discriminate?
How do we do it? Language you know why because germans they speak that zippity zip shit too
you ever hear some german speak yeah that's it that's there's it's close to zip okay real talk
no no i need to be honest with you right now because i don't think you understand i don't i'm confused english yes
that's a romance language bro people like oh that's germanic no it's not germanic
it's a romance there are six romance languages okay english english english english english
english baby we're not playing around out here Okay Let's go
It's the Roman motherfucking empire
In this bitch
So you better choose up
What language do they speak in India
English
Cause they white boy
Cause they white out there
There's another white boy right here
I'm just saying this this is the truth.
There's three crackers out here.
Listen up here, honker.
Listen up here, honker.
Let me tell you a little something, bro.
You chose up.
You're on the right team, bro.
My cracker.
My honker.
My white boy.
Now, do you want to play a video, Mark?
What video do you want to play?
This is the Swedish person speaking
Tell you if she's white right now
Shut that stupid fucking video off shut that fucking stupid video off
You Flintstone bitch nobody want to hear that yabba-dee-doo-dah shit
Okay, not Oh, man.
Okay?
Not white, bro.
I'm sorry.
Hitler made that shit too easy, and then everybody got fucking arrogant.
What did Hitler make easy?
Blonde hair, blue eyes makes you white.
That don't make you white.
That don't make you white.
So being white has only been around for like a few hundred years.
How long has English been around? A few hundred years.
That's not true. What? First language what the fuck language you think the bible written in
bruh yeah idiot fucking dumbass oh you've been reading the bible in some fucking other language
it's english the bible was written how long ago thousands it was in english english it was written
in english all right you think God don't speak English?
Yeah.
You think God really out there?
You really think, you honestly believe that God, the one who controls everything, is out there hocking loogies all fucking day?
How the hell could you write it on the scrolls?
Spitting all over the fucking scrolls the whole time.
On the parchment.
Parchment back in the day. day that evaporated water got on it we speak in aramaic right say what aramaic that was aramaic
i just spoke i think god speaks italian god do not speak italian why wouldn't it why does he
who's the most catholic huh who's the most Catholic? The most devoted?
Italians.
Who got the most beautiful language?
Italians.
You love speaking Italian.
No, I don't.
Yeah, you do, but... No, I don't.
Hey, be honest with yourself in this moment.
No, I don't.
Be honest with yourself in this moment.
I know you're trying to set me up for something, but I'm not going to do it.
I'm not.
I was hoping you would do it, but even if not...
When I speak Italian, I speak English.
No, that's Italian.
You're speaking Italian.
Yo, Italians, if you actually think about it, speak more English than they do Italian.
Whoa.
Okay.
Name one word in Italian that isn't also the same in English.
Bellissimo.
Exactly.
English word.
English word means beautiful.
Oh, that's a good ass point.
I don't get what that is.
We took it back.
We take all the words back.
If we use it as part of our vocabulary,
it's our word.
Simple as that. Bon Appetit.
That's English.
Say what? Prego.
Nobody use that dumb shit.
Nobody said prego in their fucking life.
The sauce. Prego.
What is prego? That's how you make spaghetti. fucking life. The sauce. Prego. We use that. That's what someone's pregnant.
What is Prego?
That's how you make spaghetti. When you're not a good girl.
Yeah, that's the pasta sauce.
Yeah, exactly.
Prego, we turn that shit into pasta sauce.
Don't come in with your goofy ass words.
Speak English.
More.
Give me any word.
Do we have any other words?
Exactly.
Y'all forgot.
Baguette.
That's not Italian.
That's French.
Say again?
Pizza.
Pizza.
Our word.
Our word.
Spaghetti. Dua. What's French. Say again? Pizza. Pizza. Our word. Yeah. Our word. Spaghetti.
Duo.
What?
Two.
Duo.
Y'all really going to numbers?
Y'all really ran out of so many words, you going to numbers?
First off, it's off of do it.
It's do it.
We don't even know the word, bro.
Do it.
We don't even know the word, bro.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it.
It's do it. It's do it. It's do it. It's do it. It's do it. It's do it. sorry okay question then you forgot this whole thing i forget all these anti-semites
what race are greeks
well you you know the answer that depends where they work
if they work in the diners they're fucking white oh okay but if they were getting athens they're not white wow actually no greeks are
white okay oh yeah they are because they do speak english do they yes yeah all right can i be honest
with you yeah i don't have 100 confidence when i don't think you have 100 confidence in anything
you said no you're right you're right in myos, they only speak English. That's white.
White.
It's very simple, dude.
Japanese, white.
Why?
Didn't you say everything in Japan sounds like they're going, honey mustard.
You just said something racist and put it on me.
And because it was funny, I'm going to take credit for it.
But if it wasn't funny, I'd be like, you just said something very racist.
Also, he proved his point that they said an English word.
Exactly.
They said honey mustard.
They were speaking fucking English the whole time.
Every time we walk into a restaurant, honey mustard.
Every single time.
And that's how you feel comfortable.
You're going to get some tempura.
You want to dip that shit in some fucking honey mustard.
You don't?
You're going to get some chicken tempura.
You don't want to dip it in some honey mustard? Honey it bro there's a lot of romance languages to sift through
they learn it bro get out of here y'all hate it awesome cowboy bebop losers what is lanch what okay we have okay listen we
have a guess a white person you're not gonna get an argument for me on this one i'm just saying we
have we have to shift our idea of race we have to shift our idea of gender we have to shift our idea
of all these things it's what you are what you tap into what you identify as okay okay that that's
what i'm
saying is caucasianness being white has changed i don't know what caucasian is but being white
has changed who in this room is not white you're white as fuck yeah little white boy vanilla face
so who's not white little white boy who's not white though al's white miles not white can i be
white why is miles not white because miles not white bro who Al's white. Miles is not white. Can I be white? Why is Miles not white?
Because Miles is not white, bro.
Who's he named after?
He speaks English.
Miles Teller.
What?
Miles Teller.
Why is Miles?
I mean, Miles Davis.
Miles Teller is white.
No, Miles Teller is white.
Miles Davis wasn't white?
What did Miles Davis speak? Miles Davis is black.
He's dumb as fuck.
Miles Davis is black.
But he spoke English exclusively.
You're messing up something very important here.
You can be black and still be white.
Yes, I understand that.
So why is Miles Davis black and still black?
He's also white.
Thank you. So Miles then is white.
No, that kid's black.
Miles is black.
Look at his hair, dude. Yeah, you're you're right miles you got some black ass hair
yeah nobody can see no i can see it i have no idea no i can see it so they really don't know
i just think it's bob ross shifty shifty yeah mexican i see oh i agree with that actually yep dove african
i'll allow it vala pakistani so he's black no he's african that's not a race that's a nationality
you don't know anything
okay shut the fuck up you okay i think we're getting too deep into this and i don't want
us to get distracted okay britney grinder's in jail right now with her white ass her white ass
they got an innocent white person locked up in russia a white woman britney bro a white lgbt
woman we got to get her out of there man wow gotta get her out we are gonna get her out and i think i
know the man to do it and he's's going to come on this podcast right now.
Bring in our guest.
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should i heard you guys are just in toronto yes we were okay but we're talking about more
pressing issues what's the best race right yeah no that was answered a long time ago right uh are you white
um yeah i would say i'm white schultz black akash i'm unsure mark's pretty white hell yeah dude now
mark is white yeah they've been white for a long time fine we're here i do drop like if there's if
i get someone's blood and they go one% Portuguese, I go, not white. Interesting.
See Portuguese.
Didn't I bring Portuguese up?
You didn't.
That was a good ass.
Definitely not.
Italians are my favorite.
They go,
we're not white.
I'm not white.
You go,
yeah, yeah,
yeah.
If they start rounding up,
you know what I mean?
Like if they start saying anyone who's not whites out,
you think the Italians are going to be like,
well,
I guess we're done.
Kissing the cross.
Italians love crosses.
Ryan Long, you have a special that's out right now on youtube white immigrant white immigrant immigrated from the
great country of canada what part of canada are you actually from i'm from ajax which is outside
of toronto okay how far uh like half hour oh okay do you know what i was thinking it's fine last
time i was last time your
studio reminded me is when we were in miami and that place i was in the building with you guys
and they scammed me out of a thousand bucks no everyone in miami is trying to scam you wait what
happens listen this so i think i was paying like three three grand a month for my thing or whatever
right and schultz hooked it up and then i got there the last day i go we're gonna be here for
one more day our lease was up i go to the place i go hey can you can we extend it for
one day you know i mean we still were writing this movie we go can i have one more day and just
whatever the rate is and she goes yeah yeah no problem she calls she goes listen we can't give
you that room but we have this other room i go whatever it doesn't matter right then i i get
there a week later i get a bill for a thousand bucks she goes yeah that room we gave you is a
thousand a day oh yeah if you go right if you call me and you go listen yeah yeah we got a room but it's
seven times the price for the one day i would have been like yeah yeah we'll just work out of
my fucking hotel today no yeah can you believe it you can't trust these not white cities man
they don't speak any english in my head they're scum and she was you know i mean they go what
that's yeah wait a minute who was it The woman who kind of ran the place?
Yeah, the lady.
Oh, I loved her.
She was very nice, too.
I was very surprised, because when I got the thing, she was very like, yeah, of course,
man, we can hook you up.
Like, that room's booked up, and we'll find you another room.
Oh, no.
This is Canadian naivete.
Wait, wait, hold on.
You got it back, right?
Well, no.
My style is more eat it than I go on podcasts and talk shit behind their back.
That's more my style. I bend over like bend over yeah dove doesn't do this no i know i was justin silver was saying the same thing like jews are like what are you out of your mind yeah he would have walked out of there
it's like they paid me a thousand bucks or they're just taking the hotel kick the original owner out
that's probably the most jewish political
ryan long um you know what the best part about that building was that you guys brought alex
jones there yeah because it was a little you know it's a workspace where people are working
on their blogs or whatever and they got alex jones just cruising around stumbling in just
buzzing around like what the hell a Alex was wild that was a crazy episode
that episode is gone
forever
yeah
yeah
how sad is that
but it was fun
your squad here
just very much
reminds me of Toronto
I don't know if you
felt like that
you guys fit in there
but
really
yeah
you guys are the most
Toronto squad in New York
get out of here
I don't know
I don't like you
coming out and insulting us
yeah
insults are six
this is the highest compliment.
Because we have one Indian guy.
He's like, this is true.
This is it.
I found it.
He got Brampton.
He got those sort of Jamaican looking.
We have a hundred of him.
You're telling me that guy can't be a part of the OVO squad?
Are we OVO?
You guys are OVO, dude.
Yeah, bud.
He's Quebecois.
He's like.
He's actually Canadian.
But he's not Toronto.
He's Montreal.
Wait.
That sucks being Quebecois
because everyone's like,
oh, French sexy,
and you go,
not the way they do.
Hold the fuck up.
Is Toronto at the level of cool
where you can say
people remind you of Toronto?
And you think it's a compliment?
Yeah, we're New Yorkers.
In my mind, yes.
Really?
This son of a bitch.
Every time he's insulting.
And I'm so high on Toronto right now after doing these shows.
So I don't want to give too much pushback because I'm so grateful.
But at the same time, like this is New York.
You're like, I'm not these fucking dorks.
Well, I'm not anybody else.
This is New York City.
You're less Toronto to be completely honest.
Yeah.
Keep going.
But again, this is a compliment.
But yes, you guys, I feel like you're Cruz Geronimo
this guy looks like
everyone on
Queen Street West
that all allowed
that is actually true
I think this is just
I don't know what that means
but I'll take it
no this is what this is
there's so little
diversity in comedy
the fact that you're
just around
non-white people
you're like
I think I'm back home
I think this is what this is
yeah well gosh
there's tons of Indian dudes
I mean
New York has tons of Asian dudes dudes i mean new york has
tons of asian dudes we have more indian dudes you think hell yeah yeah yeah oh yeah yeah there's a
lot of indian dudes have two molds they either go urban or like full frat boy that's here too a
little bit yeah yeah you gotta choose you don't know no yeah you have more like indian dudes that
kind of go like nerdy Asian guys, sort of.
But we have Asians here that thug it out too, though.
Yeah, you do.
You have more of that.
Like Oakland Asians are kind of thugged out.
Thugged out Asians rule.
Yeah.
Tattoos.
Bad ass.
Tattoos.
Dad couldn't have liked that.
Wait, why are we Toronto, though?
I just think your vibe.
What does that mean?
Yeah, that means nothing.
Okay, what is Toronto in a nutshell?
Like just a bunch of cool guys just cool dudes different backgrounds shooting the shit yeah funny successful i've never felt so
right dicks are dripping wet all the time. Stop describing New York as Toronto. This is New York.
Okay?
I don't like this shit.
Son of a bitch.
Oh, my God.
I hate this.
Every New Yorker I've ever met that went to Toronto is like,
you, I actually love it here.
I've never met one New Yorker that didn't love Toronto.
Not Toronto's dope.
Jameel was there this weekend.
He was like, he's still there.
What are we talking about?
Stuck it out?
Yeah, our buddy's like, yeah, we're just going to hang out for another week.
Yeah, no, no. Toronto's fire.
I've always loved Toronto.
Toronto's a dope-ass city.
There's, yeah, there's like much hotter girls.
How do I say this?
And this is like all across Canada.
Talk about it.
I'm not trying to say that the dudes aren't good looking, but the girls are way better
looking than the dudes in Canada.
That's Montreal's for sure but toronto too
this is he just you took a real shot at him i'm not gonna go i'm hot
no no is that i mean like the chicks are smoking fucking hot well good looking fine but we're just
talking about this and i don't know if it's true because i feel like everyone just for
stops looking at girls in their own city.
No.
You know what I mean?
So you give it up.
Then you go somewhere new.
You're like, look at all these girls.
And you go, you have that where you are, too.
But you're like, I don't know, those fucking stupid bitches.
Yeah.
When's the last time you've been out in New York?
You're not out in New York like, oh, my God.
That is a good point.
But he's also saying in New York, the dudes are not the gap. He's talking about the gap between hotness. We've got hotter dudes in New York. Yeah, yeah. That's what he's saying. Yeah New York, the dudes aren't, or like not the gap.
He's talking about the gap.
We got hotter dudes in New York.
Yeah, yeah, that's what he's saying.
Yeah, we like hot dudes.
Yeah, we've got hot dudes.
Are we still Toronto this podcast?
I think dudes are hot everywhere, but.
Where are your favorite dudes from?
Favorite dudes?
Montreal is my least favorite dude.
Damn it.
Yeah, no, that makes sense.
Where are you from in Quebec?
My parents are in montreal
yeah yeah yeah well they have two models of white dudes
yo my dad back in the day actually had a little thing going on nice yeah you know i'll show you
his speedo pics. Is he tough?
Yeah, he worked out.
That's one of the molds.
What do you mean?
GSP, that's one mold.
Just fucking juiced, geared up, just fired up.
Like, would you, wait, I'm tough or not, you look at me.
Like, they're fired up.
Or you look like a skateboarder from 1995.
He's very Montreal.
He fits everything.
Juiced up, skateboarder from 1995.
It's all there. It's all nature, no nurture, bro. He fits everything. Juice Dubs, Skateboarder 95, it's all there.
It's all nature, no nurture, bro.
That's life.
Nacho, did you see that in Quebec,
they said they're not serving poutines anymore.
They changed the name because it sounds too much like poutine.
Yeah, that's so funny.
Freedom fries, dude.
Nacho, I went to a Russian Robin tug two days ago
and then just didn't pay as my tribute.
I did a tug and run as my tribute did a tug and run as a
have you ever paid for pussy yes where uh probably this was i think london ontario
probably maybe like eight years ago it stunk dude it's stupid literally what do you mean
well i don't know it felt like a like i it was very, I feel like I'm okay with chicks, and I was very,
like, a little tiny kid.
I'm just like, and then, so if a hand job's that much, you know what I mean?
And how much they fumble them with the money, you know what I mean?
And then you, she's like, okay, take clothes off, and you go, okay.
Yeah, I feel like a bitch, dude.
What does she look like? Not for me. you go okay uh yeah i feel like a bitch dude what does she
look like for me uh 800 pounds related to me dude nice asian girl no this was white chick but
no i didn't like it but i i thought at some point in my life i'm like dude i could be the fucking
prostitute guy the boys are over call in some prostes like i could be that guy and i'm just
like i don't have it in me i can't be that guy i think it's just because you went cheap i bet if
you went expensive you'd be like yeah i'm trying to understand what this is you went to like a
rub and tug or you had one come over no okay yeah i think you had an ugly girl come over
is that it that's correct he went bargain basement shopping but i was with dudes that
like were experts in this.
And there's still another one. I actually want to know.
This is my favorite.
It's a buddy.
You know, Tyler Morrison.
It's not him.
Tyler's the man.
I love Tyler.
He's the best, but it's not him.
But there's another guy who's like small town Canada, right?
Yeah.
And legendary story.
He took, he had this prostitute or whatever.
And he goes, and they just heard him from downstairs.
He comes, he goes, that'll wake you up.
That was Tylerler huh no no he was uh it's a body of his it wasn't them i love it that's the talent
tom morrison fucking hilarious all right guys we're gonna take a break for a second because
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We're going to get back to the show.
Guys, I think it's time for some feelings, no facts.
Mark, do we have some feelings, no facts?
As the foremost UFC specialist, do you want to talk about Cain Velasquez?
100%. Greatest MMA journalist of all time.
So Cain Velasquez, I don't know if you heard this story, Ryan.
What is it?
Do you know who Cain Velasquez is?
I know he is.
Okay, so basically he was a UFC heavyweight champion.
Now he's fighting in Russia. Is that it? No, no, is that it he was in jail but he's not this is more heroic so basically
what happened was uh he found out that uh there was somebody that was molesting his kid i think
his kid was four years old and it might have happened i saw bisping say this on rogan might
have happened up to like a hundred times whoa he found this out and that person was i guess arrested and then let off
with like a slap on the wrist yeah so he went and shot at him and they ended up hitting that person's
stepfather who might have been the reason why he was molesting in the first place i don't know
their relationship but the stepfather could have definitely diddled in some fucking molesting
traits molesting family it could be honestly that's kind of how that shit happens i don't
know if it happened from the father maybe the the stepfather, maybe not at all.
I actually flip the tables. I molest my
dad. That's a smart idea.
Genius.
Basically, he
went after him, and because he didn't get justice,
he went after him and was like, I'm going to take justice into
my own hands and shot at him. Ended up shooting the stepfather
and not the person, but now everybody's out here
like, yo, I understand why you go crazy.
You let the courts try to handle it. They let off the person that diddled your fucking kid you're just
gonna let that happen yeah there's no way and he's in front of a school this motherfucker might be at
it again i gotta stop this guy he shot at him in front of a school now that's my only issue is don't
shoot at him in front of a school your ufc fighter just beat the dog shit out of him yeah because you
don't want a straight bullet to hit a kid i don't give a fuck if it hits a stepdad.
But just beat his ass to within an inch of his life.
It's also way more understandable even if the damage is worse.
You know what I mean?
Like if you shoot a guy on a leg versus beat the shit out of him,
like shooting him is worse in the eye of like the society.
But beating the shit out of him, I'm like, oh, I can forgive that.
Even if that's a worse punishment.
You know what I mean?
It's just assault.
Yeah, exactly.
It's like, oh, yeah, you beat up a guy.
Even if his fucking brain is ruined forever versus getting shot in just assault. Yeah, exactly. It's like, oh yeah, you beat up a guy. Even if his fucking brain is ruined forever
versus getting shot in the leg.
Yeah, there's never any like,
you shoot someone and it's just assault.
Beating his ass heals.
It's attempted murder every single time.
Even if it grazed your shoulder.
Yeah.
Isn't it or no?
No.
So you can like shoot someone in the leg
and people are like, that's just assault?
I mean like if you shoot in the air,
if you don't shoot at the person.
If you're pointing the gun at a person,
usually they go attempted murder, right?
I don't know.
That's just, can't he plead a momentary insanity they gotta let him off for
this right like can't you go listen the guy who touched my fucking four-year-old kid a hundred
times is in front of me not if you've got lost my mind showed up at the school so much intent
how long can you be momentarily insane? How long is a moment?
Three to six months.
Three to six months.
I might be insane until the guy's dead.
That might happen.
If you really hate that guy. I thought it was a family member.
I didn't know it was his kid.
If somebody touches your kid,
I think the moment of insanity
is probably a year or two.
Yeah.
It's probably a long-ass moment.
How long have y'all been mad for?
I was mad for two hours this morning
with the 62 degrees shit in my dress.
I just bought a gun for this miami
place recently that's what i'm talking about okay fucking batman over here he's right though you go
if you're what's the point of being a ufc fighter if you got to get your gun involved and we would
feel physically like do you remember that larry nassar moment where one of the he's in trial and
one of the fathers of the daughter charges at him yeah he's like let me get fucking five minutes
with him please they charge us at him and your heart breaks for this guy
because they stop him before he could get his hands on Larry Nassar.
Because you want that, you'll beat his fucking ass.
That's what you would want for a UFC fighter to find this guy
and then just fucking destroy his face.
But what was the pedophile fight?
Shooting at him is less satisfying.
Here's a question, though.
You go, because if you're a UFC fighter,
isn't it true that your hands are registered weapons?
Yeah, that's fine.
So was he not?
Either way, he's in the same situation.
Who registers the weapons?
You don't actually have to register.
I think they're just automatically registered.
Are they?
Yeah, what if you're trash?
What if you're 0 and 9 in the league?
Exactly.
What if you retire?
Does it become unregistered?
No, I think this is one of those things.
It might be an urban myth.
It's going on your permanent record.
There's no fucking permanent record anywhere. So that's a myth.
Yes. I think it is.
100%. Oh, okay.
You can't beat people up anymore?
I think boxing is there.
Specifically. Apparently Bruce Lee is the one
that popularized that. And it was kind of like a marketing
thing. It has some
truth in it, apparently.
If you know how to fight and you attack someone
you can be held at a higher penalty. Yeah soldiers higher penalty but not like a firearm i get my
only issue is just beat the fuck out of him that's my only didn't be as he's like that guy could be
strapped too yeah and you don't know what weight class the pedophile is but he didn't try to kill
him right he just shot in the leg no he shot at him and missed and then he hit the stepdad i think
twice which is fine the stepdad's gonna live yeah killing him with fists is messier that's for sure in front of a schoolyard yeah i don't even know if you need
to kill him but just beating the fucking but maybe he's trying to send another message to
all the other pedophiles around the school did it's on and popping yeah there's probably other
pedophiles watching from a van he could have saved the kid think about it there was a pedophile
about to molest the kid and then saw him start bucking off and he goes oh he's got the hero
yeah exactly my mother was scouting he was hunting sending a message yeah no we're seeing a different pedophile i was there oh
scare that guy off there's some girl meeting a 50 year old guy for pizza that just got like a
a message being like you know what let's not meet at that
yo this guy's a fucking hero okay hit us mark what else we got
all right do you want to talk about jack harlow being the newest white man that can't jump?
So Jack Harlow is the new star of White Men Can't Jump.
Nice.
And this is infuriating.
Yeah, I don't like it.
Why are you bothered?
Because I wanted to be that guy.
He would be a good guy.
I actually want to play Wesley Snipes.
You know how they flip every movie and they make the black version? I want it to play Wesley Snipes You know how they like flip every movie
And they make like the black version
I want it to be the other way
I want to play Wesley Snipes and then I want a black kid to grow up
And like be kind of like nerdy or whatever
And then he comes on and hustles everybody
You know how many takes it would take for you to get a dunk
Say again
I can't dunk no more
I used to be able to dunk
I saw him dunk on a little five foot Mexican kid
It was wild funny We played pick up one one time and just dunked on this fucking this little
kid it's just so funny yeah fuck out of here little kid yeah it is what it is when we own
a court everybody's same age you know what i'm saying uh but yeah so you know i i'm actually
i'm actually okay with this like i think that Jack Harlow's kind of a...
I'm excited for Jack Harlow
because I like Jack Harlow.
I like Jack Harlow.
He's won me over,
but I don't know if he can act,
and Woody was so fucking good.
This is the thing.
Woody is the most underrated actor
maybe in my lifetime.
He's one of the best actors in history.
Yeah, he got three Oscars.
I looked this up.
Yeah, dude, he can do comedy and drama.
There's only a handful of people that can do this.
He did fucking Cheers and True Detective
Then he did Mad Movies, White Man Can't Jump
And then I think People vs. Lady Flint
He got Best Actor
He's a monster
So he's got to fill those shoes
He's one of the only two guys in Hollywood
Probably him and maybe one other
That looks better when he's bald
He went bald and you're like
Yo being bald is sick
He got it
yeah no he's the man bruce willis the other one yeah it worked for bruce pull that fucking bald
head off anyway yeah i'm actually concerned with jack harlow because it's just like dude you have
like big shoes yeah that's my concern i don't know if he can act like woody and woody could
hoop jack harlow seems like he could hoop but like woody in that role is so believable and so funny
yeah he's like vulnerable when he needs to be he's an asshole when he needs to be talk shit when he needs to he's like perfect he does
everything knocks out of the park yeah and then it's a campy movie and sequels are campier so
half the fucking goofiness will be the fact what does campy mean because i felt like you just
disrespected white men can't jump yeah like it's the the gags are kind of it's like kind of goofy
it's like tongue-in-cheek a little bit
what is tongue-in-cheek i also don't know i've been dying to know about this shit over here bro
you've never heard of camp no it's like slightly ironic no it wasn't it was straightforward
i think you're young i don't think you understand in 1992 that's how we all fought
you don't think any part
of white man can't jump is like kind of like supposed to be it's well it's funny for starters
obviously yeah yeah but it's funny in like a like high level humor i don't do tongue in cheek
this is real life bro yeah do i do tongue in cheek i don't do market do i ever do tongue in cheek
do you guys watch like austin powers and you guys are like there's no similarity between
austin powers and white man can't jump i'm picking an extreme campiness wait wait you
go like fat bastard like they were kind of being extra silly with that costume you go i thought
they nailed it yeah there's parts i'm so confused me too i have no clue what's going on right now
okay well sequels of of movies like that are always goofy okay like there's no way that they're
casting jack harlow they're trying to get you know nostalgia it's a nostalgia play
well we don't know yet because it's a remake not a sequel and so what is happening right now
y'all throwing a lot of terms around and i'm just trying to say what you feel he has dumb it down dumb it down even more how
do you know what camp is shut the fuck up yeah i don't know what camp is either bro camp uh like
picture shows camp it's uh i want the gay ass movie what you talking about is sex in the city
camp can be they're sometimes pretty it's like ironic a little bit. A little bit. Is Bad Boys camp?
100%.
No.
What?
What about The Dark Knight?
Every action movie is a little bit, yes.
I feel like every movie's camp.
Mission Impossible?
What's not camp?
Mission Impossible, not as much.
Schindler's List.
For me it was.
Literally.
If I'm not jacking off but literally a little camp it really
needs to be absurd literally can't but yeah no so i think that what is that movie that jonah hill
and channing tatum redid 21 that was camp in the way that they were satirizing the original son
you just throwing out more terms i don't understand what the fuck is happening yo i would say that's more just like straight up are you confused i'm
always confused hey you know it's so you think that they're gonna they're gonna 21 jump street
the new 21 jump street white man can't i think it's gonna be someone like jack harlow probably
is gonna want to play it really straight i bet you the idea is it'll be a little goofier i bet you a guy like jack
harlow's coming in to make this serious this is his masterpiece probably he thinks this is his
eight mile it could be the director of this movie right now is finishing up they're remaking house
party so he's doing that who's in house party what white rapper are they putting in that movie to play kid? Not sure.
I got another one.
Okay, go.
Governor Cuomo, former Governor Cuomo.
Yes.
Who killed a lot of old people in retirement homes and also was trying to diddle his employees.
Yes.
Claims that cancel culture ruined his political career.
Yeah.
What's your take?
Yeah, we cancel people who kill old people.
Yeah.
That's a guy I'm okay canceling. As a politician, you can be canceled if you kill old people yeah that's a guy i'm okay
canceling as a politician you can be canceled if you kill old people and then lie about it
oh i thought oh you're really canceled for that though it's true yeah you sexually harass a lot
of people i thought that oh i thought you're talking about him canceling those old people
that's what ruined his life okay i got you you're right but yeah i i see what he's doing and the
fact he did it a black church i think is amazing yeah like he's doing in a house of forgiveness
yeah like he's testing everybody's christianity as he said yeah i touched some people and i killed
a bunch of old people and stuff but yeah how do you feel you know he already died for those
yeah yeah i uh i don't know if this is the comeback is he gonna spin right
yeah yeah he's gonna be a right-wing podcast is that what he's gonna do yeah that's the root
anti-cancel culture he's anti-cancel culture i don't know man do you care about cuomo at all long
do i care about i like the fact it's funny that both the cuomos are just on the scene like at their house back at mom's house eating pizza
both cuomos are out but no i would say this part of cancel culture is more the like die by your
own sword if he like his whole thing was kind of part of that machine you know what i mean so he's
dying by his own sword of the rules that he you know probably agreed to when he was part of it
i saw on twitter and i don don't know who tweeted this,
but somebody said that in six months,
Zelensky is going to have a Cuomo-esque moment.
They're not going to give him one right now, though.
They'd bury that so fast.
Not at all.
But that's what they were saying.
I don't know why they're saying that.
Yeah, but he's not profiting off of calling other people out.
He's profiting off of shit that
we how real it is i don't know but we all say it's heroic like you're in you're fucking defending
your country you're undeniably heroic it's not hey i'm it's not word speak or whatever like
just talking out of your mouth and saying a bunch of shit you're doing it through action so it's
tougher to call somebody out for that yeah you know i mean like cuomo talked all this shit about
how great he was during the pandemic and you're killing old people yeah yeah yeah he put a book out about how
great a job he did yeah if you're surviving multiple assassination attempts i think you
could survive a cancellation attempt i don't think much would stick on zielinski right now
nothing i mean even all the people that you know like yeah whatever last week they're like there's
no trans people like you're out of here whatever and under the rug you know what i mean in any normal times basically they're so all the they're sending
all the girls out of the country and the guys have to stay and fight right so trans people they're
like now you're a dude like you're fighting wait that's progressive yeah they're saying you are
what you want to be no no no guy transitioned to girl they're like you are what you want to be. No, no, no, no. Guy transitioned to girl. They're like, girls are in the country and they're like, all right, see you guys later.
And they go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, I'm going to be honest. If our life is on the line
and you built like a dude, however you identify, you're fighting. Right. But I would send me home
in any other time. That would be, you know. Yeah. Can girls stay and fight if they want to?
I think so. Yeah. So anybody can stay and fight if they want to i think so yeah so
anybody can stay and fight if they want to but you can leave on some titanic shit like women
and children are allowed to go yeah i see i see i see but not trans women but not trans women yeah
that is interesting i'm not mad at that yeah because there could be a few pussies who are
just like yo let me just throw this dress on so i can get the fuck out of here i was 100% misdoubt finding my way out of it
so so it's not even anti-trans it's more anti-loophole yeah yeah so i kind of get that
a little bit and during war you got to make laws without thinking about them like you're not like
have time for this yeah you would have been on that side anyway that's not my point what do you mean my point is the people that would be really mad at that won't be right now right right right
right and there's a hundred other of those things like what give us some more uh okay what would be
more oh i heard they're not letting a lot of africans in okay here's an example like oh yeah
yeah the african stuff exactly there is legitimately
like a pretty good cohort of nazis in ukraine like stuff like that is that true that's what i'm i
don't know enough to be the yeah how does he win an election if there's that many nazis
let me tell you something about the cia no i mean yes yes but like isn't it like a right-wing like
neo-nazi group in the Ukrainian government?
That's kind of, yeah.
You seem to know more about it.
I just read one Wikipedia article and apparently it was like this right wing, like fringe group
that got like absorbed into the government.
Into the government or into the military?
Well, it's a bunch of Nazis, like a bunch of New York podcasters.
But it gets New York, it gets money from the government.
Yes.
And my understanding is it was a military operation.
It was in, I guess, this Azov region.
Or is Azov the name of the operation?
I understand Azov is like the group.
Is the group.
And basically they were absorbed into the Ukrainian military.
Right.
But I think it's being positioned as if there's this massive Nazi faction.
My understanding is they don't like the current situation in Ukraine at all. right so they don't like zelinsky but they also don't want
to be part of russia so they're basically like okay the lesser of two evils is zelinsky and we
can fight for ukraine and after that we'll turn into a you know would that not describe the cuomo
situation like nothing of this was sticking when he was the lesser two evils and there didn't like
trump the minute and all that's kind of over it's like yeah all right yeah but you're out too cuomo well that's the thing be careful when
you become a hero dude because only one way to go for a hero you know and i think that's what
happens is like we exalt these people without looking and doing a little background check
unless they only let heroes be people that they got dirt on ah that's not like some cia puppet
shit i don't know if that's the case, but if he is a puppet for the Ukrainian government
and he's put in there by the West,
it's like, yeah, we're going to let you do whatever you want.
You can be a hero.
Because we know we got this shit on the side.
Yeah, you were on Epstein's Island.
You're on the line.
Yeah, we're fishing.
And we're going to let it out,
but it's always going to come back.
If you act up, then we're going to let it out.
You act up and all of a sudden it's like,
well, he was in the Panama Papers.
And it's like, oh, interesting that stuff's coming up.
So I think what has happened a lot of time right now is like, we were talking about this
earlier, but like the devil's advocate political commentators, right?
Like the kind of grifter types, they're latching onto this Nazi thing.
And they're just going like, oh, yeah, they're all Nazis because they just want the most
like salacious hot take.
They're basically comics without being funny.
I know what you're saying, yeah.
And so they're basically searching for this hot take.
And I don't know if there's grounds to say the entire country of ukraine is full of nazis and russia
is justified in invading them to get rid of the nazis yeah i mean i was in ukraine did you feel
like there was a nazi presence well you were also told by our black hasidic jew well they go out
there because there's like a shrine to the rabbi but there's a lot of folks there. Yo, one other thing. This is
completely random, but do you have a solution for how we can
lower gas prices? Yes. Do you have
any thoughts about it? Because right now we have a $4 national
average. Some parts of LA, it's like
$7, $8 a gallon. That I like.
I think the solution
to gas prices, you just raise LA's prices.
Yeah, only then. Only then.
Lower North Dakota's price to $2
and raise LA's to $28 a gallon.
That is a great idea.
I think that's how everybody wins.
This is my theory of what's going to happen.
I think gas prices will go up and they'll hit like fucking $9, $10.
And I think that we'll be like, them Ukrainians are Nazis, bro.
There's a big Nazi faction in the Ukraine and we need to weed
that shit out
and we need Putin
to do it
because he's the man
for the job
that is my suspicion
and we need
Brittany Griner back
Brittany Griner
needs to come back
we need her
for this year
it's a big year
for the WNBA
what team does she play for?
what team does she play for?
Putin
I think she plays
for team Putin
right now
and as long as
we're on
Putin's side we're going to lower these gas prices no that's really what the war is about right now. And as long as we're on Putin's side,
we're going to lower these gas prices.
No, that's really what the war is about right now.
The war, it's like,
you have all this support from the West
because the West hadn't been affected
by a lack of petroleum exports from Russia
or natural gas too, right?
So it's like,
the second we feel the effects,
we're going to see how much support we have for Ukraine.
The people of Ukrainian relatives and stuff are always going to ride for and support it but the average dude
that's in california that's in la that's now paying eight dollars a gallon nine dollars a gallon
is he going to be posting a flag we're going to see well that's the other conspiracy angle where
oh there's a ton of environmentalists like in the uk that got a lot of you know stuff pipeline
shut down and basically the end result of it is they're more dependent on Russia.
Yeah.
And it's coming out that Russia's kind of funding a lot of these organizations and stuff like that.
Yo, there's a...
Oh, man, I had a tweet that I...
Fucking screenshot or something like that.
I don't know where it is.
But it was like this...
What are like the...
Oh, top 10 Facebook stories.
Yeah.
The top 10 Facebook stories before the war and when russia
had access or when the russian like facebook farms were able to you know put their energy
into those stories what was the exact thing because basically facebook was banned in russia
or like that now russian like russian facebookers aren't able to access their accounts and so prior
to the invasion all like the top 10 and for whatever reason there's a few different things happening with this but like for whatever reason uh most of the invasion, all like the top 10 and for whatever reason, there's a few different things happening with this. But like for whatever reason,
most of the time leading up, like the top 10 were typically right leaning on Facebook. It was like
Ben Shapiro. Four. Yeah. Yeah. Which kind of makes sense. You have like an older demographic
on Facebook, blah, blah, blah. But then after the invasion, all the top things were like
Occupy Democrats, like a bunch of like left-leaning Democratic Facebook.
Retweet of Trump's orange.
Yeah, basically, like all on Facebook.
And so the thought is, oh, are there these Russian bots
that are funding all this right-wing information on Facebook?
And then they switch.
No, they're just not allowed to do it because they lost access.
100%.
Well, that doesn't explain Ben Shapiro and Tucker really, does it?
I think it depends.
Like how would Russia be behind?
Suggesting that Russia is like putting Facebook ads and putting money behind their content and trying to push their content up
on facebook they got rid of russia today too the or like the which i didn't realize the extent to
which they just like in from from canada they have cbc right or britain they have the bbc which is
paid for the but you have to live i'm gonna be a resident to have a show there right that's the whole thing
russia russia has this huge you know their national broadcaster that has a bunch of television shows
in america with american comedians like there's a couple new york comics that have tv shows on
russia today that oh rt yeah yeah they just straight up said they go that's no longer like people are tweeting like
yeah my television show is just done i think lee camp yeah now this is my suspicion now these are
all extreme political angles that they have right so whether or not you agree with lee it is a very
extreme left take he's an extreme left take yeah so if I was a foreign country, I would put money behind extreme right takes,
i.e. Ben Shapiro, Tucker, and extreme left takes.
Whatever one's convenient.
And then you cause division.
Because division, if you have the infighting,
then we can't fight anywhere else.
And I think that's what happened on Facebook.
It's not pushing any one ideology.
It's pushing extremism on both sides.
The extreme ideologies.
Polarization.
Exactly.
And that is the strategy. And I'm And that's what I and that is the
strategy. And I'm sure that's what China's doing, etc. But so it doesn't surprise me that Lee Camp,
his show is on Russia Today. And it doesn't surprise me that they're putting money behind
Facebook ads for Shapiro. Hypothetically speaking. Yeah, well, his is a he was very,
you know, it's a big anti war show, which right now is a kind of Russia propaganda,
if you want to look at it that way. 100%. is bad it's like okay well what are you working for putin yeah yeah he was actually
he worked for russia today he was working for putin yeah they were buying tv shows and i'm just
like i was always like that's so wild you go have a tv show what network like the russian government
yeah it's like a funny comedy show yeah yeah i remember lee i remember
him being in new york he's a sweet guy yeah yeah seems funny too but um but yeah that but that is
weirdly enough like the most and i know that he's uh i actually i'm not too familiar with
politics but i imagine like leaning a little bit more socialist but like that is like the
most american capitalistic thing is like take the bag from whoever gives it to you yeah yeah like it's like oh russia's gonna give me money so i can do my show okay boom i'm gonna do it
and it's always sometimes like a bit of a fuck you to people who wouldn't give you the bag anyway
you go all right well you could have gave me money comedy central yeah yeah absolutely now
i'm fun in a war so yeah i think to that uh the the stories thing apparently like a few days
later they were back to whatever they typically are ah and it was just like a few day window that
seemed like an anomaly and for whatever reason that that's disappointing or they figured out
how to use vpns in russia exactly it's tough to say i'm just saying it's not on tv anymore
i was talking about specifically the stories like the articles were the top 10 yeah the top 10s and whatever yeah i mean
however i don't know if if russia is behind sowing division in the united states of america
however they sow that division the united states of america they will project that onto ukraine
so however we see ukraine through the lens of russian media that will be the same way that
they divide america so it's not surprising to me that all the propaganda is,
look at the Nazis that are in Ukraine.
It's like, yeah, they've been calling Americans Nazis.
They know that works.
Yes, they know how to piss us off. They know how to rile us up.
Yeah, 100%, right?
For sure.
They know what they're doing.
So how do we fix the ass prices?
Is there any way?
I told you.
I mean, there's easy ways, but people aren't going to like them.
Which is?
You know, like all the pipelines they wouldn't let happen and stuff like that but the solar is probably the real one but
even musk there's nuclear plants you can just open back up yeah well i don't know even musk
came out about that he's like yeah we have to increase um production right yeah we have to
you all must be doing cool shit this whole at the time when you get the hyperlink stuff
yeah he's so much better than bezostuck fucking your boy sucks dude dude your boy bezos bezos a beast that's your guy i love bezos that's such
a funny person to love i gotta pee you guys keep going okay we're back sorry about that guys okay
i can just clarify i don't necessarily love love bezos i don't think he's like the most ethical
person in the world but i do think like his process is fascinating and he's kind of like
a perfect supervillain that's why i said i like you take him over i'm over musk though i just like both i don't know i think they're like
brilliant innovators choose one dog choose one back now well what do you want you want you want
real money or do you want perceived value that's basically what it is like if you if you want
perceived value that's musk if you want real money that's bezos but i like musk's social
equity i think that's such a cool way he built that. Musk is genius.
Yeah, I like the memes are great.
I think Musk is more rare than Bezos.
Bezos, there will be another badass businessman to come around in 20 years.
My dad said this when Walmart was running everything.
He's like, Walmart's going to get taken down by something.
When I moved here, Sears was the company.
That's America.
That's capitalism.
I don't know that we're going to see another Musk for a long time.
And girls hate Musk, which makes them sick. That's capitalism. I don't know that we're going to see another Musk for a long time. And girls hate Musk, which makes him sick.
That makes him fire, dude.
You almost like him more, because girls will be like,
he's the worst. He's an idiot.
And then before you know it, you're like, actually, he's the best.
Girls say that about Musk?
So many women don't like Musk.
They hate him. Really?
He's just a super rich dude that doesn't kind of play by the rules posts like
you know he shit posts i think first of all he he i'll tell you what's better than my radar
he built his company he willed his company into existence yeah that's what's cool about it
i know his girls hate on billionaires in the way that dudes will hate on like super hot girls yeah
personality they're like dumb idiot like this model's a fucking and then if she's like oh you You know there's girls hate on billionaires in the way that dudes will hate on like super hot girls. Yeah. You know what I mean? Personality.
Yeah, they're like dumb idiot.
Yeah, I would like Kim Kardashian.
This model's a fucking idiot.
And then if she's like, oh, you want to fuck?
You'd be like, yeah, of course.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'd marry you today.
What are you talking about?
Yeah. Yeah, the Bezos thing that's interesting to me is like he didn't invent anything new.
He just perfected something that already exists.
And I know that Elon didn't invent anything new,
but like clearly his technology for electric cars is far superior than
anybody else's.
Like Bezos is still using the same trucks to ship.
You say one of those changing the world in a more material way.
I don't know if it's a,
well,
which one is that?
A mosque because you go,
but Bezos is offering probably just by virtue of like progression. We would have had a way to order everything pretty cheaply from one place.
A curated ordering system probably would exist.
But what Musk is doing, potentially, that would not have happened.
The rocket that takes off and then lands again is pretty fucking crazy.
I guess what I'm saying is I'm weirdly more impressed with what Bezos did.
Oh, I played Mr. Red, yeah.
Yeah, because there's so much more competition it's like so many people are shipping packages every single day right like the guy just
found a way to make tape not annoying to come to break when you open the package like how would
nobody think about that before like that enough is more to me that's more impressive than an
electric car there's electric shit in cars all the time i I've been driving electric cars since I'm a little kid.
Those little fucking toy cars are all electric.
Electric cars exist.
They just found a way to make it bigger.
Tape that breaks but also stays together?
That's genius.
Nice.
Yeah.
So he just perfected it.
No, no, no.
This is the worst take you've ever done.
Fine.
But I'll tell you, here's a more impressive.
No, no.
I guess what I'm trying to say is he was competing with.
So Bezos did tape. You did yours no no so basically he looked at this business that everybody does
right and he found a way to perfect it elon is doing a business that nobody does but i don't
think why he's so great so he's competing with nobody that's not true there was a record cars
before elon everybody says that the first one
was electric an actual electric car company that existed they had a documentary called who killed
the electric car because they were the ev1 yeah i didn't know what it's called but they they were
around like the early 2000s and then just went away they got like 45 miles between charges or
90 miles between charges whatever it was and then just went away right and other companies have all
been racing to this i talked to a guy at uh an auto shop who after our tesla got damaged
um but they didn't exist right he said this guy he said tesla is legitimately beyond even
like engine and battery and all that shit is changing the way cars are made like the body
it's just everything is done so efficiently so there was competition in that sense and
everybody's trying to make electric what was the other electric car company that existed while Tesla was taking over?
Whoever made that fucking EV1 that couldn't handle it.
Yeah, Chevy made the Volt.
There was the Nissan Leaf.
No, no, no.
What was just the electric car company?
There wasn't any.
You're slicing it very thin now.
Yeah.
How is that slicing thin?
We're literally talking about electric car companies and there's only one.
The automotive system is the whole thing.
Other car companies are making electric cars.
So just because they're not exclusively making electric cars.
So because GM is so big.
Not fully electric.
So because GM, yeah, Chevy Volt, fully electric.
Was before Tesla?
Nissan Leaf, fully electric.
Was before Tesla?
Yeah, before we started buying Teslas for sure.
All of those before you started buying them.
You're slicing it thin now.
Asshole.
Before, Tesla was like 08, 07.
So Tesla doesn't exist until you buy one?
I don't think there were mass.
No, I don't think the masses had Teslas until what?
2011, 2012? Are we slicing
thin or not? Exactly. Yeah, it's the
same shit, dog. They're both there.
My point is, my point is Tesla comes
out and it's one of one.
And it's amazing what he did. He killed
the dealerships. The assembly
line. It's brilliant. It's brilliant
what he did. I'm not questioning. It's brilliant what he did.
What he built is absolutely amazing and his ability to play into internet culture
and use that to build social equity and have people essentially invest in him like he understood that
like he is the company so as famous as he becomes is as valuable as the company becomes yeah and we
all believe that he is the smartest person in the world 100 there's no question pump
he know how to pump he know how to pump And he used the internet
To do that
He had to figure that out
And there's
How many comics do we know
That can't even figure out
How to put up
Their fucking clips online
Insane
Right
And it's like
And it's right there
It's right there
For them to do it
They don't know how
To fucking do it
He's a pump no dump guy
Real talk
100%
Pump and hold
Pump and hold
And he's built it
And that's genius
What I think is that
We're so wowed
Pump and spend
I mean straight up
Pump it
And then he had now Access to billions of dollars and then keeps on reinvesting it yeah 100 what i think is
we're so wowed by what he's doing because he's uh innovating he's creating new technology the
electric car is new for us we're like oh shit that's amazing the rocket to the moon that is
and landing that's new so we i think we undermine what bezos did i think it's kind of similar to
like gates in a way where it's just like i don't undermine what bezos did i think it's kind of similar to like gates in
a way where it's just like i don't know what gates really made but the guy made billions of dollars
and bezos what he do he found a way to like deliver shit in a day that's not that interesting
but the organizational processes put together to deliver all this stuff is fucking unbelievably
fascinating and if and and you you run a business we run a business organizing a business is fucking
hard yeah and that motherfucker found a way to do it and make it profitable like the business makes money yeah elon's barely makes
money but you're talking about it in two different ways when we talk about who's legend that's the
equivalent of like you're talking about best action figure hero and you go arnold versus
schwarzenegger and you're talking about their acting process and i'm like dude i like that he
you know hurts the stuntman like to me i'm saying elon musk like as a like whatever public figure
is the coolest yes if you're saying what they actually built better you go yeah maybe and
remember he built paypal before that so yeah we weren't arguing who was better on twitter yeah
business man ever and that's super impressive.
But I think we're going to get another one of him.
I think Elon Musk is more rare.
I see what you're saying.
And that's why I value that.
I've seen Bezos before.
Businessmen continue to come around, but true innovation doesn't come around that often.
Okay, I hear you on that.
I think that makes sense.
I just hope that we're not undermining his innovation within business.
No, he's a loose cannon
and Bezos has been consistently great.
Yes, but I don't mind that you're a loose cannon.
Yeah.
I'm just saying like his ability,
if Bezos didn't pick fucking books
and I think this whole space thing for him
is basically his way of going like,
I could do that shit too.
I just pick books
like i literally i think it's like this shit ain't hard you just put the smart people in
position you organize and then you have them execute you see how quick i made a rocket
exactly like i literally think that's what it is for him you think he's like you think this guy's
smarter than me it's not that hard yeah mit who's the smart one here's more money you go build it
oh we need more money here's more money you go build it oh we need more money
here's more money go build it so i think that's what the ego thing about it's not really about
space it's about people valuing what space is conquering yeah or just oh my god space is so
cool at star trek you must be the smartest person if you know how to make space shit
because selling books doesn't make me think there's a third guy you don't have a tesla
elon musk doesn't affect your day-to-day life nearly as much as Jeff Bezos. Your day-to-day life is way better for 98%
of the population because of Bezos. But again, I think that is just like Ryan said, that's the
nature of the beast in capitalism. Someone's going to be better than Bezos at some point.
It might not happen for a few decades, but someone's going to be better. I don't think we're going to see an Elon Musk.
I don't remember an Elon Musk in my lifetime.
I remember the Waltons before Bezos
and whoever the fuck,
Sears Roebuck,
whoever that was before that.
That's the nature.
That Musk thing is just more rare.
Yeah.
It's like,
do you value greatness
or like unique greatness?
I think I see what you're saying.
The unique part.
Yeah. They're both great and and bezos has affected my day-to-day more i gave back to tesla i like elon more i want to like
actually i don't know personality wise on your fuck kill i kill bezos no personality wise like elon seems fun online though in person apparently he's weird
i know people know him and they're like he's in real life he's like check out this meme he's like
beavis hilarious hilarious apparently he's not like this super yeah he seems more social yeah
normal yeah he seems more normal 100 and what he's doing is also
seems more normal yeah right like but yeah i don't know that's interesting one i think we
all like the trope of the kooky scientist billionaire guy yeah yeah again that's a
fucking dude shit waiting to see that our whole lives we hear about einstein this fucking weirdo
scientist with the crazy hair yeah that's the closest that i know if you think he's a fraud fine but let's just take it at face
value who elon's yeah a lot of people think elon's a fraud i'm not i'm not talking to anyone in this
room i'm talking to people listening a lot of people like oh he didn't invent paypal he hopped
on the board or whatever he didn't invent the electric car he hopped on the board apparently
if you dig there's it's not as great as it seems self-driving cars aren't really self-driving yet
like yeah but i don't let's take it all at face value what he did he's the closest thing is he a
nazi yeah he's a nazi is there a nazi faction inside tesla so he has a ukrainian nazi factory
yeah yeah yeah but yeah i if are they gonna stuff the jews in those holes in the ground
that he's been building no stop is that what the boring company is really about
is that how you clean traffic up
is that how they're gonna clean up the traffic in la they're taking the jews underground
i don't know i don't know okay make your point akash i just think he's the closest
thing we've had to einstein since einstein in our lifetime yeah this kooky scientist guy that's
changing the world as far as we know it yeah that's him bezos but if he didn't do all those
things why do you think i believe he's i think he did all these things but there's a lot of people
who are like nah elon musk is full of shit whatever and then I choose not to listen to them. Yeah as a pop
culture figure he's cooler as a business
you know if you're like studying business
men then yeah whatever boring Bezos
Oh sorry I just got a tweet that says
that tomorrow they're going to launch more Starlink
satellites which are going to give
all of these cut off
Ukrainians
pretty good
What's Bezos doing sending them a couple books he sent them the art of war
so easy to hate on bezos man y'all y'all are tripping bro i think bezos got it
bezos sucks dude stinks why why do you hate bezos so much fucking dork dog do you like it but you
lons not do you like no you Elon's cool as fuck, yo.
He'd be bagging bitches he got mad,
baby mamas out there.
Hosted SNL.
As an African man, bro.
Yo, yo, yo.
Apparently showed up
to SNL with a bunch
of sketches he wanted
to do, too.
Fire.
Love all of it.
Kooky motherfucker.
Motherfucker mad kooky.
Nah, he's more likable
for sure.
Bezos sucks, dude.
I could see it.
You know, we could
really streamline this
process.
Suck my dick, dog.
You don't think Elon does that? No. not on twitter that's the basis whole ethos is you know this is how russia wins just put shit on twitter and then our kasha's like yeah this is what's
these are the people no i don't think that i do think you gave back the car you fucking piece of
shit you had it you gave back the car you fucking fraud why it didn't have enough uh we didn't get the
good engine dove got us a cheap battery the less miles weren't well for me didn't know you're going
across the country where do you need to go philly yeah yeah without charging it in the middle of
the night huh is it a pain in the ass to charge? Yeah, just my wife is driving mad late, pulling over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You see this?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Keep going.
Keep going.
You just bought up the social media presence, bro.
You don't even like what he makes.
You don't even like what he makes.
You don't even like it enough to buy a new one.
Why don't you buy the one with the bigger engine?
I'm going to.
Yeah.
I'm going to.
When?
He's going to.
When?
I'm waiting on this fucking $8,000 Build Back Better credit to pass.
We're being completely transparent.
This motherfucking... See? You motherfucking government to help you out
with Elon Musk's welfare shit.
Everyone says Jews are cheap.
Indians are way cheaper than Jews.
You can't dangle an $8,000
credit in my face and then take that shit away
and expect me to still make the purchase.
I don't think you're buying a new Tesla.
I might not. I don't think you're buying a new Tesla.
You don't believe in a product. I still like Musk more. You don't believe in a product.
I still like Musk more.
You don't believe in a product.
I told you.
Bezos affects my day-to-day more.
You got more Amazon stock or more Tesla stock?
Tesla is not even close.
Really?
It's not even fucking close.
Okay.
You bought before it split?
Yeah.
Oh, so you got the split.
Yeah, because I believed.
Did you buy after the split, you cuck?
Nah.
Where's your stock at, you bitch?
I never bought anything.
Fuck that guy. No, I got a little bit of tesla but it was probably after the split i mainly lose money on everything
that's good do i lost fucking uh 60 grand on uh tops baseball cards this year no what the fuck
are you doing zero you're 60 grand why what happened stupid danny polis chalk are you doing, bro? Wait, why? 6-0? You're 6-0. Why? What happened? Stupid Danny Polis, Chuck, you guys know.
So it was a stupid SPAC that was going to buy Topps baseball cards, right?
Yeah.
And in his mind, you can't lose.
So legitimately, the day before the SPAC was supposed to, you know, unspack and become
a company, they lost their license to sell baseball cards.
Wow. That's insane oh my god dude oh my god how much did danny lose he lost way more why do you need a license to sell baseball cards uh well i mean put it this way like you if you
you could buy them for someone that's licensed
but you can't just print baseball cards right oh they were gonna print them yeah they were well
they were the company but you have to contract with the nba and the mlb like you have all these
contracts right they didn't have that set up you think they should have you didn't look that up
no they had it but basically it was up for renewal but it was kind of like yeah obviously
this thing's like a tiny little thing and then the one tiny thing that went wrong i guess did
that no one thought would go wrong and yeah i paid the price for it financially wow because
fanatics bought tops right i thought it it didn't spack it like it basically got bought independently
and it was the guy it was one of
those big GameStop guys at the GameStop people were fuck I forget the guy's name but whatever
yeah bringing up bad memories you know what SPAC means yeah what does it mean so for a company to
go public essentially you need to do a bunch of stuff right but if to go private it's if I want
to buy your company it's actually you know unless there's
a um uh issue with uh antitrust it's a it's not that big of a process so you essentially pool
everyone's money together and buy the company from a private sale and then go you know essentially
put it on put it on the market because so you skip doing an ipo essentially a company that's
already on the market no you can't be on the market no you're not on the market the company
that buys it is already on the market and that's why well you can buy a company that's already on the market no you can't be on the market no you're not on the market the company that buys it is already on the market and that's why well you
can buy a company that's already on the market as a SPAC no no no no this the SPAC I think has
to already be existing on the market and the SPAC is just a blank check it's just straight up a pool
of money right right but in order to IPO or in order to already be on the market I think that's
the way they get around the system is the company the purchasing company is already on the market i think that's the way they get around the system is the company the purchasing company is already on the market they buy this other company and then it gets absorbed into this
one and your shares are in the one who's already on the market yeah and the way around the system
yeah it's a yeah it's a way around the system yeah so that's where it got fucked well i mean
i could have got fucked either way i think how much did you think you were gonna make let me ask
you this a lot like what did you have a number in your head?
10x?
No, I probably thought, I think I had basically 100k in it.
In my mind, I was like, yeah, I think I'll probably make a clean 50 probably.
Something like that, yeah.
But again, I lose money on most of my trades, so I'm pretty net negative.
To put in $100,000 to make a 1.5 x is so crazy to me i don't think i've ever
beat the s&p 500 why do you do it then you can't win if you don't play
fanatics owns time you also can't lose if you don't play that's the other side of the quote
i'm down i gotta get back up yeah you gotta vibe bet you the next one will be the one you can win if you put in the s&p 500 that's how you
can win i have some wild plays right now dude what do you got i don't just like a bunch of weird
stuff like pharmaceutical companies and shit like that like i don't even know what they do
and why did you do it uh i legitimately i'll meet people at bars that like do this shit and they're like this is the
one i go home and buy it how often do you win on these i've had a few big ones but i've liquidated
most of those winnings i stay at the table dude you're like norm mcdonald of this room not good
at it yeah canadian and everything also my body dan he's so into it and he'll tell me something
he's such a piece of shit he'll go oh you gotta buy this it's a big thing and i'll get it and then i'll be like oh this and then like three weeks
later i'm like yo this thing's down like 50 you didn't sell you didn't sell yeah
i couldn't get a text yeah but you're selling oh man also i don't think a 1.5 return is bad
that's what he was hoping for yeah i mean yeah i'm like 100 don't think a 1.5 return is bad. That's what he was hoping for.
I mean, yeah, I'm putting out 100K
hoping for a 1.5 return.
Yeah, it didn't happen.
You put in all your money in S&P to get what?
10?
Less?
Yeah, no, that's a great return.
1.5 is a great return.
Yeah, that sounds amazing.
You're skewed because you invest in crypto.
You think 50% of my money?
50% return, you're the greatest stockbroker in history.
Yeah, I'm not putting all my money into that.
You're assuming that's all his money.
Yeah, all my money.
Where do you get all?
I'm not putting that much money into it.
Period.
I'm not putting 100K into anything unless I think it's going to the following.
I was told I couldn't lose.
It was free money.
I was like, how much did you put in Bitcoin?
Yeah, into letters that are nothing.
How much you got in Bitcoin? A handful. More that are nothing. How much you got in Bitcoin?
A handful.
More than 100K.
Yeah, exactly.
What are you talking about?
Because I expect my goal is not 1.5X with Bitcoin.
Yeah.
My goal is 15 to 20X with Bitcoin.
See how both of you don't know how to invest at all and you like Elon?
Do you see how both of you don't know how to have any fucking...
I actually do.
You're looking at the investment.
I put more money in this shit than you put in crypto.
That's a fact.
100%.
Yeah, Bezos.
No, I waste money on every stuff, too.
Build a real fucking business that makes money.
I love that Schultz thinks I'm just losing my money in crypto.
Stop.
I'm losing money everywhere.
I'm also losing my money in studios.
I'm losing my everywhere. I'm also losing my money in studios. I'm losing my money in employees.
I'm tearing through it pretty good on all accounts.
But you have a special that is out right now.
White Immigrant, youtube.com slash Ryan Monk Comedy.
And I want everybody to go check it out.
We love Ryan over here.
Your sketches have been absolutely great.
But I'm excited for people to see the stand-up.
Yeah, you guys are the best.
Dude, both of your thing was fucking awesome dude thank you but you know
what the best thing about andrew is i think when whenever people call you for help you're one of
the only guys that actually puts your head in the problem where you go you know what let me go look
at a few of your things and i'll get back to you like you know you actually do put your head in the
problem yeah which i feel like i try to do a bit with other people because of that so i think that's
like pretty sick and you should and people appreciate it but i really
want people to go check out your special and blow it the fuck up and then keep touring i mean
obviously you've been touring but having that stand-up piece out do well you'll you'll notice
the difference i think it'll help yeah it'll be cool absolutely absolutely i put together i almost
have a new hour now at least already that's That's impressive, bro. Well, I mean, I have probably a half hour.
It's been four months and I have some material left over and this and that.
So I probably have like a half hour, 35 minutes that I'm like, okay, this is new and great.
You know, 15, 20, that's a little whatever.
But yeah, I'm starting to tour again soon.
That's the process though.
People need to understand that.
Like it'll take you years to put together that hour and now you have to jump back on the road once you put it out yeah so you gotta you gotta build
it up you know what the heart the most annoying part i feel like i don't know if you did this too
but yeah so i i basically trimmed my thing pretty tight where it's like i turned three minute jokes
into two minute jokes where i go that extra minute goes in the garbage because you know it's yeah
it's it's not like i'm gonna go do that part it's like i literally shaved off but can you use that for parts now i was some yeah there's a few things
but a lot of things no just like an extra you know sometimes there's like lines or tags in these
things that can like fit in other come back around yeah no i was talking to uh what was i talking
about this oh oh weirdly enough louis because you heard about louis had to go to ukraine to do these
shows anderson so i'm this was maybe a month ago i was sitting with him and he was telling me he had
to go to ukraine to do shows and he's like and i need to have this amount of time so he was like
i'm working like relentlessly to get to an hour because he had just dropped something and he's
like no i've really been putting my fucking head down and every single day just kind of like grinding out and he goes and
there's some things you don't use special and you can kind of use those for parts and i started
thinking about that like yeah it's totally true there are lines and tags and references etc that
exist and all that we just kind of throw away when we put out our final version of the special
but they can be used in other shit they eventually come back but it's not like i can just take that
15 minutes and be like hey but you're right over time somewhere it'll fit in yeah but i did like
it was kind of cool i've done this two other times but it was cool to finish recording and
start again and i was like oh fucking sucking in the clubs and then i remember coming home and i'm
like okay i have one joke yep oh it's so demoralizing dude but like but also the well it was but like the one joke i was like
yo i'm fucking stoked i have a joke yeah but dude how oh man it's so interesting like being on the
road you do an hour and then getting up with new how long 15 minutes feels it's a rough 15 yeah
bro like just feeling the end of the laugh on the joke you know works but then when your newest when your
best joke is your newest joke yeah the word yeah the worst feeling is you're like i'm murdering
then you do another joke from old and it's way better yeah but the best feeling is your you go
the best thing in my set right now is my newest thing yeah i also think we over inflate the new
at least for me personally like this if i'm getting laughs on something new that it's like i can see
every person smiling in the audience if i if i'm getting a laugh on like something old i will notice the
guy with his arms crossed yeah you know you'll be like he's right he sees through it that guy gets
it yeah everybody else is a fucking idiot that guy knows why is that but with new i'm blind to it
because you're excited about it you love doing it you don't love that old bit anymore because it's not new yeah that's so true we be cheating on our
jokes all the time bro give me the mistress joke i want that new bitch that's so funny
well look uh ryan i want everybody to go check out your special uh you can find him on youtube
just type in ryan long he's gonna pop up great youtube channel the boys cast with ryan long oh
also the boys cast you do with danny yeah theCast with Ryan Long. Also, the BoyzCast, you do it, Danny.
Yeah,
the BoyzCast with Ryan Long.
Check out the podcast as well.
And yeah,
go support the special, man.
Leave some comments.
Leave all the good stuff out there.
Go check out Ryan Long.
That's been another episode
of Flagrant 2.
Thank you guys so much.
Peace.