Another Below Deck Podcast - An Imperfect Storm | Below Deck Med S7 E10

Episode Date: September 13, 2022

Dylan, Nick and Pat are back to break down Steven, The Twilight Saga, why the youth gets botox, elevated Californian, Storm and Excalibur, directors chairs, and even more from Bravo's Below Deck. The full season of Below Deck Down Under recaps is ALREADY available only on our Patreon at https://Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkAlso available is our coverage of Below Deck Sailing and Love is Blind seasons 1 and 2 for both shows!Check out our merch!https://anothermerchstore.comWe also cover Bachelor Nation very week on Another Bachelor Podcasthttps://bit.ly/AnotherBachelorPodcast_YouTube

I don't know. I'm starting to catch the ick for Storm a little bit. It did happen weeks ago for me, and it's only gotten ickier. He is acting like this calling, this opportunity to become the bosun. Calling is such a good word for it. It's his responsibility, and it's time for him to pull Excalibur out of the stone. Right, right, right. But he doesn't know if he has it in him to take it. Shut up! Shut up, Storm!

It's not that big of a deal. Just put the jet skis in the water and shut up. So, um, let's... He's an imperfect Storm. Let's move on. Welcome aboard another brand spanking new episode of another Below Deck podcast. My name is Dylan. I'm saddled up next to one real Nicholas Davis. Ahoy, mateys. That produced a podcast over there.

Hi, my glasses. Permission to come aboard. Permission granted. Permission granted. What's up? It's super fucking hot. That's what's up. Yep.

We'll talk about it on another podcast show. If you haven't subscribed to that, it's the show where we really get wacky, get goofy, jab, josh, goof, and ball about really whatever is at top of mind. Any other public service announcements? Uh, yeah. Uh, we're going to do a live show on October 8th in the desert,

Palm Springs. Uh, we'll get more details out. I promise by the next episode, cause I know if people want to fly out and book rooms and stuff, but I believe it's going to be at the V hotel in Palm Springs. And, we're going to give like a little,

uh, a code to get you a discount on the room if you want to make a weekend. So yeah, come on out. The V, baby. It's Palm Springs. It's October 8th. It's us. Get your V card back. Take it back. We'll give it. Well,

no, not that. Also, if you, it's one of those nights, everybody. 65 ads, okay? So we're going to get through them, but if you want to have an ad free version of the show go to patreon.com slash another podcast network so a big episode to get into um you know i say that every time before i've pulled up the notes or really had any kind of recollection about the episode um and i think that leads us into thoughts and pots what did we think about the episode error we actually before thoughts and pots yeah have errors and omissions yep which I

I mentioned before the show but I missed something and this this one's an omission this is of course where I point out places where we erred and things we omitted and this one was on me fellas I was really excited to bring this to light because I didn't see anybody talking about on the interwebs uh but we just completely glossed over a vicious attack on Captain Sandy from an ex-employee uh do you guys remember that pigeon uh that that flew up and attacked Sandy oh it happened there was a pigeon and it attacked Sandy yeah I wonder why we don't remember we mentioned it you said something about the pigeon i believe you're attacking her and it did and i actually look closer at the tape this just wasn't any pitch let's watch and see what really happened here oh oh my god it was it was just spaz oh my god Chef Spaz? Yeah. How did we miss that?

That's so blatant that it's a bird with a human head on top of it. I don't know how the fuck we don't remember that. Wow. Dude, that's so fucking crazy. I wonder how he's doing. I guess he's a bird now. He's a pigeon. He's always bird now.

He always called him a pigeon. Oh. You guys don't even remember that you called him a pigeon, but he is a pigeon, which is in fact where this joke derived from. And can you believe it? No one's talking about this. What I can't believe is that you didn't pick up on the fact that me and Pat were, in fact, joking about the joke

that we knew that we had joked about. I don't think he remembered the pigeon at all. Kind of. Okay. Guys, that's a bird now. That is a huge error and omission. Now, what this little bit of yours has caused is get ready for some DMs in your iPhone the night this episode aired. Why is that?

Matt likes Nick. Oh, really? Yeah, well, that's good. So fucking shame on us, man. I mean, that's quite a transformation that we missed, just glossed over. And, I mean, a tease, but maybe we're going to have a below-deck med chef come in the studio.

Well, this episode will have already aired. Oh, that's a good point. Either way, it's not Chef Matt's Bass Pigeon. So what did we think of this episode tonight? Pretty great episode. Natasha continues to be a succubus. Chef Dave, I think, really improvement. He was kind of fun.

Kyle in the doldrums, a little hangover, love hangover. And some fun interaction between Jason and Kyle, which I enjoyed. I thought it was a pretty fun episode. Some pretty boring charter guests. 80 knots, 80 knots. Wow. I'm in a good mood. That's not 72.

I'll go next. When you miss somebody, you do have a bit of a hangover. Longing is a tough thing to go through. And Kyle still shines despite that this episode. California Elevated got a lot of fun stuff to say about food this evening um i'm concerned about dave and um i'm concerned about the unity aboard home but we'll get to all of it okay four pots are you saying it's a could be a broken home yeah oh yeah i do uh i thought it was a weird episode the direction was odd too did you guys look in all fairness i

was it was 11 o'clock at night when i started watching this thing and i had a bottle of pinot in me of course and so your leg will shake if you don't i well exactly i couldn't tell if it looked different or if i was you know i was different as i was watching you know was it a different type of episode i mean they always have like dildos and stuff like that but they're being passed around what's the question oh did it look like it wasos and stuff like that But they're being passed around What's the question? Oh did it look like it was shot differently? Like they're going a new direction? Different lenses?

Yeah yeah yeah I didn't notice that at all Alright well alright Okay well then never mind But I'll say that I am Because that's a kind of stark thing that you really notice You know like perfect example I mean look at the films directed by Peter Jackson

And then look at the horseshit that is now on Amazon Prime You know They're different lenses You know what like perfect example. I mean, look at the films directed by Peter Jackson and then look at the horseshit that is now on Amazon Prime. You know, they're different lenses. You know what I mean? From the same director? No, no. Can we talk about that APS? Lord of the Rings. Yeah, we'll talk about it on APS.

Oh, that thing. Oh, my God. My wife's like, oh, how is it? I'm like, what are you talking about? I'm not watching that piece of garbage. No, no, no. It's fine. We got to give it some time.

We got to give it some time. She thought it was House of Dragons, which is phenomenal. All right. Talk about it on APS. We got to get to Blood. That's the kind of stuff we gaffe and goop and goof. We do it all. We do it all.

All right. The thing I got. All right. There was a lot of fighting. Yeah, it was sad seeing Kyle coming off that, you know, that best night of his life. And then kind of how, you know, you do ecstasy all night. And of course, the next day, it's the worst day of your life because you're coming off you're coming down i've been there brother i've been on my friend's back the front row david getta and kelly roland dancing like i've never danced

before in my life the next day you know you need some liquid iv there is no uh free lunches when you're trying to not nature in nature so but i i like dave chef dave a lot i boy i'd love to talk to that guy you know it'd be a dream come true to be honest yeah and uh i just i'm enjoying his redemption i think it's going to be a fun last uh six episodes i hope he does start going out to the bar because i want him to meet some new women out there he's not a bad looking guy and uh you know he's now that he has his confidence back you know women are very attracted to that. Yeah, it's called mojo. The entire second or third

of Austin Powers was about it. He's got his mojo back. Yeah. Yeah. Of 70 pots. My mojo got crossed with their mojo

and our mojinations got crossed and the head started popping off. So we are hot off the heels of one of the greatest love stories ever told on this show, but M. Night Shammy Man

story. Oh, in the comments someone said microaggression from dylan every time he says chamois man please stop making fun of people's pronunciation names i don't want you to stop but i that narrative is so sandy is concerned about the wind and kyle is worried about the 25 days he has left before he can quote unquote ride frank like a pony um you know top acquired but we've got more important things to discuss like... The Preference Sheet Meeting!

Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. mother-daughter duo for the primaries lisa moore and shelby guller from medford new jersey and venice california respectively lisa moore and her daughter shelby guller have been looking to plan a fabulous getaway for themselves and some of shelby's childhood friends lisa is a highly sought after divorce lawyer lawyer in Medford, New Jersey, and Shelby works as an advertising writer in Los Angeles area. Dude, that must be a packed schedule.

Divorce lawyer in New Jersey. My God. Joining them are Shelby's friends, Aurora, Dakota, and Rachel, which like Aurora and Dakota. Uh,

these, I think these kids went to Los Feliz Daycare. Right. And Rachel, who work in the medical field. Also joining them are friends Alex, a New Jersey teacher, Monique, who works in account advertising in the Santa Monica area, and Kelsey, a successful PR manager for a single malt scotch company. Oh, wow.

I wonder which one it is. Gladden Livet? Yep. These ladies have worked to establish their careers and are in need of some rest and relaxation. Living by a work hard, play hard mantra that is required to come aboard one of these vessels. Fuck yeah.

This group of longtime Bessies are looking to add fun into every experience they have during charter. Their first night, they would like to have a sunset, drinks on the beach with s'mores followed by a 70s-themed evening as an ode to their love of ABBA. I bet Pat would have had thoughts on that. Unfortunately, he's not here. They stink.

On the second night, Shelby is hoping to surprise Monique and Aurora with a birthday cake for their recent birthdays. And after dinner, the ladies want to party the night away during their Guys and Dollies party, dressing up as their favorite celebs guy fieri and dolly parton and that concludes the preference yeah so career women they want an elevated californian fair um excited to get into that um you know what i didn't see on the preference sheet meeting pink dildos well we'll get to steven we have plenty to talk about steven um but we have uh the wind also going to be an issue as it almost always is um elevated californian like i said uh

guy fieri and dolly parton party two favorites uh celebrities of theirs uh i can kind of get down with that we've spoken of my love for guy Fieri many, many times. He is much more than donkey sauce and blonde spikes. And Dolly's much more than a pair of tits. Giant. Giant voice she has. So, Storm talks about the pressure

and responsibility that he has now if things go wrong, that it's on him. And it's like, Storm, come on, man. We all know this. You're giving us the ick now. I mean, you've been, you've acquired the ick weeks ago, I think. But I don't know.

I'm starting to catch the ick for Storm a little bit. It did happen weeks ago for me, and it's only gotten ickier. He is acting like this calling, this opportunity to become the bosun. Calling is such a good word for it. It's his responsibility. It is time for him to pull Excalibur out of the stone. Right, right, right. But he doesn't know if he has it in him to take it.

Shut up! Shut up, Storm! It's not that big of a deal. Just put the jet skis in the water and shut up. He's an imperfect store let's move on to more jason being the odd man out z and courtney are talking about whether or not scallops and octopus or fish and z is just fucking dying i mean it's it's like dice is on board and he's a decky but it's at this point where i think jason has decided i'm fucking done i'm just i'm done i mean he spins around at them laughing about scallops and octopus and he's just i give up incredible really funny though when he's like i miss reagan against all odds he's like if only i knew see like these

are the moments of levity that we get from jason which you know he is a little petulant little asshole from time to time but there's something there and uh you know if he was cast on a different show i think that he would have more to contribute but he's just with these freaking dorks. And he's like this intro. And we love those dorks, but you know. Yeah, Z, I mean, Z, you just smile at that scout shit with his fresh face. He's fun. Z's hilarious.

But so is Courtney. I can see how Jason got on the show, like the story that he wrote probably on a piece of paper and they interviewed him like, oh, you used to be in the corporate world and now you like to sew and you have a ponytail. You're going to be perfect. But no, he's kind of a wet blanket stick in the mud.

Yeah. And unfortunately, he's surrounded by these dorks. So Natasha and Dave time in the kitchen. Nick, why don't you take this one? Oh, she's a succubus and she asked for a hug. Is this the part we're talking about? Yeah, I guess so. I don't know why I had in my notes

that you would be the one that had material on this and i don't doubt that you are i'm just confused as to why i threw to you and then you know with us being the only two in the room and our voices going back and forth and back and forth for the last five minutes it seemed odd to throw it to you you know now that pat has walked back so we're done the preference sheet meeting did you guys talk about anything else because i have some thoughts about dave okay well this is actually a pretty perfect time for those thoughts yeah that's where we're finished the preference sheet meeting we talked about how storm is annoying i

had a pretty pretty he is getting yeah that was good i made him laugh and then uh yeah now we're in the in the galley oh sure sure okay Okay, so this is what happens when you start getting your confidence back. Guys, did you know how long it takes for someone to get over someone? You said a month. 30 days? Yeah, you said a month. 30. Three weeks to three months.

But then you can be over. So this person that you're assessing. That's a hell of a window. My God. Yeah, yeah. My longest was probably about a month. It was pretty painful. Lana. No, no. No, no. I didn't miss her at all. I couldn My longest was probably about a month. It was pretty painful. Lana.

No, no. No, no. I didn't miss her at all. I couldn't wait to get away from her. She was mean. She tried to kill me with a glass. You got to avoid the hour a day just staring at old pictures and wailing. That's not part of it.

That doesn't help. That's not part of it. Well, what were you saying about the 303? Oh, yeah, yeah. So, Dave, I think he's actually fast line this motherfucking thing fast train whatever the word is because okay he he's already got a little more color in his face yeah looking good right

he made I think the good decision at least on this first night out where they're not they're uncoupled yeah go out and just you know get some get some rest you're gonna be better for it and of course she sniffs this out and she wants him back. This is already starting.

Absence. It's already starting. Makes the heart grow. No, treat them like dirt. They stick like mud. I don't like that one. They're a little bit of the same thing. Totally.

I don't think that this is indicative of any confidence being gained. I think it's indicative of him still being, you know, he's pried his ankle out of the bear trap, but his foot is still in there and bleeding. And that is why he's welcoming the shark. His shirt's still caught. Right, right, exactly. He can't rip it free for some reason.

So that's what I think this is. I don't think he's any more confident. And I understand they're all alcoholic sea rats, but it's a wise move. And this is a right around the time. Get that rest day in and don't go out. It's going to be the same bullshit out there. Smart move, Dave.

Except Frank Sinatra said, I feel sorry for people who don't drink because when they wake up, it's the best they'll feel all day. He said that. What a drug. I'm going to take that. Yeah, no, that's a great line.

And also Dave avoided hanging in the door jam and staring at his coworkers like his jaw is missing. So let's get to a little meanwhile. Meanwhile. Sandy lets everybody know that they are going to be picking up them somewhere else because of wind. And then the provisions arrive. And it looks like we've got a fair bit of stuff. And this adds more fuel to the tosh versus natalia fire and natalia calls her the worst provisioner she's ever worked with i mean it

sounds like me on postmates you know just you just get way too much stuff and it's it seems like i mean we usually get i don't know 15 to 25 seconds provisions it seems like a I mean, we usually get, I don't know, 15 to 25 seconds provisions. It seems like a super low bar to be competent or just within the rest of. Just putting in a big Amazon order, you know. Just the middle ranking of provisioners. But to be pointed out is the worst. I mean, Natasha sucks at her job. Yeah. She has basically no redeeming qualities except she's pretty initially.

No, no, no. She's got redeeming qualities because she's young and we all have problems oh yeah i forgot she likes to party okay so um let's get to another undocking they bring the lines in and they bring the bows in and all the ships and things go well as they get past the pizzas um god damn it i cannot fucking wait the, to be continued for next week when we see that Storm is fine. So, um, Storm is a good leader and Courtney is a good Courtney, but Storm, it would seem cannot lead Indiana Jay. He assigns him the polishing of the stainless and we'll get to that grenade exploding. So we've got a bit of an issue here. We've got to drop anchor.

Now Sandy's got some explaining to do. And I know I'm not a Sea Rat. I don't have, you know, an intimate knowledge of the ins and outs of this stuff, but it sounds like you're just dropping anchor that's a lot of weight and then you're just doing it one more time on the other side i i don't understand why this is such a big deal you know yeah because of the possibility of what could and

did happen doing yeah the boat starts spinning around and then those two anchors on either side right but the beat but but but the the coaching up on the actual dropping of the anchors it just doesn't yeah you just pull this you just do it twice yeah it's just crazy that part that part is the simplistic part it's everything after that that you need to watch out for i think all right so um they make it look like a V, and good job. I think you can do it, Storm. Fulfill your destiny. Past Storm's history about why his terrible childhood imbued him with a distrust in people.

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You have to own these. You have to own them. I wore a pair back to my high school reunion. This kid, Derek, comes up to me to say hi. We start making small talk. I'm about three minutes into talking about how I have the number one below deck podcast on the world. And he glares down. He just says, are those Rothy's?

Yeah. That's all he wanted to talk about. You didn't care that you have the number one Below deck podcast Podcast in the world That's crazy He was just talking about the shoes And what was you What were you doing So I heard

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You know It's like you get out of bed It's like oh I could go Sit at the computer Sometimes I sit there Like naked Working on stuff Before I hop in the shower i'm like just fucking operate like a normal human being but i heard a way to combat add is get ready for the day and put on your shoes right and so i just like to sit there at home with only my rothies on just typing away

at the computer yeah and it feels like so you're like a gorilla with a computer, but with shoes on. Yeah, and it's like no difference than going to a regular office. Hey, so another incredible sponsor that is sponsoring us tonight is Athletic Greens. I started taking AG1 because I felt sluggish in the morning, okay? And you don't want to feel sluggish in the morning because that is what sets your day up. So what's with this stuff? With one delicious scoop of AG1, you're absorbing 75 high quality vitamins, minerals, whole food sourced ingredients, probiotics, and adaptogens to help you start your day right. Okay. Just,

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stainless has not been polished now it sounds like a bit of miscommunication but my god does courtney go in on him in the otf this guy's taken 35 years to learn how to polish steel. Hey, Aegis. Hey, slow your rolling. You're going to be 35 someday there, Korg. Come on. How about you falling off the chair at Watch What Happens Live reunion last year, you fucking drunk? Whoa. Okay. So anything more on this?

I almost said something that definitely would have been cut. Yeah. All right. Let's get to somber music and Tosh regretting her choice to live life as a sea rat. This is a ritualistic and cyclical panic. Excuse me. A ritualistic and cyclical panic that, you know, each and every yachty goes through at least once a charter.

She said something about her dad and grandpa, but the whole thing got kicked off because of a text from the cheater. Yeah. This guy is fucking bipolar. They haven't seen each other and he's oscillating between sending her nasty, nasty messages and you're the hardest worker I've ever met. Right. Lots of mood swings.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, he's, you know, he's concerned she's fucking Dave. Yeah. Right. And as we know, he also likes to party. And she, Natasha knows how to fix it. And as we know, he also likes to party.

And Natasha knows how to fix it. Hey, sister, can you text my crazy ex-boyfriend slash boyfriend to stop texting me? That would be the weirdest thing. You know how certain occupations they figured out like, oh, this is the perfect age for these... Sea rats. Well, in this particular industry, I think they should limit it. Like, uh, like almost like hunger games or no, what's that?

Uh, Logan's run. Once you turn 30, they kill you. Yeah. Uh, in the yachting industry, once, once you turn,

uh, 29, you can't be a sea rat anymore. And it's that movie called Logan's run because a man named Logan is running. Yeah. He's trying to escape. He's 30 and they're going to kill him. Yeah.

So the guests arrived they not made a remake of that piece i didn't even know about it i just figured out from context clues yeah me too so the guests arrived getting a bad vibe from them pretty early on uh they moved through the intros too quickly implying or unconsciously suggesting um boring well the truth of the matter you are help i don't need to know your name right now. I'm going to move quickly through all of you and it's shitty, but I kind of admire it. It's,

it's pretty, uh, it's pretty boss. Hey, uh, we're going to talk about the mutiny on the boat. Uh, really drama filled out with,

uh, Kyle and Natalia teaming up and basically saying, uh, they're taking a harsh stance. They're no longer gonna, uh, make a Smurf blowjob shots. Yeah.

I love what's going on here because, as we mentioned and all agreed upon, Natasha has no redeeming qualities, so her subordinates rising up is going to be enjoyable for all of us to watch because we're all in agreement. Yeah, no, it would seem that they are staging a possible coup d'etat. Yeah, no, it would seem that they are staging a possible coup d'etat. And, you know, I only mention this because of what's going to come up with Steven later. But, you know, these ladies.

The dildo. Yes. The ladies are taking a tour and they're talking about how they get all riled up when they watch Twilight. And they're yelling about coming and whatnot. Um, and the reaction to Steven later on in the episode, I found to be very, very problematic. It's a piece of plastic lady. Everybody calm down.

You know, I don't know because I just don't think it's apples to apples. Like them talking about, uh, fucking what he was talking about coming. Yeah. But they're, they're flicking their

bean to a pg movie uh so you know they're not going to be in to the the vibrator we'll get to it quite the leap we'll get to it we'll get to it so um before we get to lunch we talk about they're not talking about peter north just fucking i don't shoot ropes yeah okay all right i think that's also a false equivalency, but we'll get there. So before we get to lunch, let's quickly talk about this 26-year-old getting Botox. Thank you, Kardashians. Thank you very much. And remember that you don't have enough money for it to take, right?

Kylie looked like the well ghost in the ring and now looks like i don't know someone who would be filmed eating out adam 22's asshole you know you can't you can't achieve those heights you don't have enough money so please stop putting shit in your face when you're 26 you're all beautiful you're all beautiful stop who made who did it it's just that's 26 well who did it who who is that who are you talking about i don't know someone in the bullet one of the guys okay because uh i don't know if you're they're career women i thought it was i thought it was like natasha or something i was talking about it and like you got to keep the looks so you can get snatched up by like one of these people. Is 26 too young to get Botox?

Well, what they would argue, the Kardashians, I've actually heard them make this point, is that by doing it early, it actually is preventative. The wrinkles never come. Yeah, because then like your skin probably gets all like, yeah, it's like if you lose a bunch of weight, you have like excess if you don't do it. But if you just keep up with it.

Are you saying there's merit to getting Botox at 26? Well, I do Botox, so who am I to talk? Is there a downside of doing Botox or it just goes away? Yeah, it just wears off after three months. There's no like, yeah. People have been doing it for 20 years. I don't know. I think we'd know by now.

It is. All right. Well, agree to disagree. So. we'd know by now it is all right well agree to disagree uh so um i'm not saying they should do it but maybe it's a strategic move to to pull in a whale don't fuck with your face okay so let's get to lunch but before we do let's talk about something that can make you great lunches too green chef green chef yourself pat what's going on with green chef well it saved my marriage yeah uh i think i oh i told this story on APS.

The one time my wife sends me out, she's going to make us chicken tacos, but she refuses to make rice and beans. So she dispatched me to go out to Cactus Taqueria. Two minutes later, I'm arguing with another patron there like an idiot. But I recorded them, so it's a good podcasting. But what would have avoided that whole thing is what we do three times a week, which is we make Green Chef together. And what is Green Chef? It's a CCOF certified meal kit company. They make eating well easy with plans to fit every single lifestyle.

Okay. Choose from all 24 recipes weekly with the option to mix and match from different preferences. I eat order vegan one day. Keto the next. Do you know, do you. Green Chef is the number one meal kit for eating well with dinners that work for you, not the other way around.

Fat and fist meals, what? Fast and fit meals are under 700 calories and ready in 25 minutes or less. I mean, come on, you can't beat that. And also Green Chef is sustainable. 100% of their seafood meets the Monterey Bay Aquarium Seafood Watch rankings of certified best choice or good alternative. What?

Yeah. So with personal experiences out of the way, I think it's time to give you the URL. Go to greenchef.com slash below deck 135 and use code below deck 135 to get 135 off across five boxes and your first box ships free again that is greenchef.com below deck 135 use promo code below deck 135 to get 135 off across five boxes in your first box ships free uh green chef it is the number one meal kit for eating well so we have our first taste of elevated california here dave wants to show off his culinary skills and is going to elevate california now how do you do that well first he took a pop shot at deconstruction you know and we've all taken the piss out of that trend in the culinary

arts you know it was nice to hear uh someone in the trenches agree with us and say he said it pretty funny. Yeah, no, he totally did. But Elevated Californian is it's Alice Waters. OK, it's Michael Chiarella. Do you remember Michael Chiarella? Remind me. I do remember you food network. OK, so it's essentially Napa. You know, it's it's fava beans over up in flame at Santa Maria Barbecue. It's in season. Sun chokes. But luckily for Dave and for these women with expensive taste, the food they want is just brunch at Pump. That's all they want.

And that is what Dave is going to give them. First up is avocado toast with goat chiefs. There's some olives. It actually does look pretty fantastic. But once again, I have not been given enough Bravo. There are some type of grilled fish. What is that? It might be Alice.

It might be Alice. But I don't know what it is um so for that reason i give this meal 76 pots um now i do think dave is really being unfairly punished by bravo's negligence to film him yeah yeah 100 100 so do you guys want to break down this whole i have a hug for you moment i mean we kind of took a we yeah just what a bitch well dave with a fresh uh spray tan and a better disposition relationships uh uh enhance uh sometimes enhance our hearts and our souls and sometimes destroy them she's destroyed his heart uh but uh i think he's looking good and uh she's she wants in and this is just a little tester and just like that, this little bitch, he's like back to being desperate and pathetic.

Yeah, so green face throw up emoji actually for me. Dave speaks on the option that is always there, quote unquote, her breaking up with her boyfriend and falling into his arms. Dave, you have failed to grow, Padawan. You are fucked. You're in the same place you were when this whole thing kicked off. It's not good.

Quick personal story. So this girl, Dee, that I was dating, right, hot and heavy for a month, and then we were supposed to go to Thanksgiving dinner at her house, and she doesn't call me the day before. Then she calls me that Friday, says, you know, I'm not feeling it anymore, and I was a desperate little bitch, three weeks of calls, trying to get her back. Then I ignore her for the next three weeks, and she walks up to me, grabs my arm and says, can I have a kiss?

And I said, no. Okay. And it was back on. All right. Haunting me. All right. She was stopping at my place of work to see if I was there. Let's talk about that.

She'd call me and ask me if we could have lunch. I'd say no. Nice. Dave, come on. Take it. The page from the book of Patty. Well,

it's not called the book of Patty. It's called cracking the code, how to close more ass for less money, right? Cracking the code. You, you have two pieces of content that would just be giant treats for our Patreon audience at patreon.com slash another podcast network.

And that is A, the pilot of Tour Wars, a reality TV show when you used to run Hollywood Boulevard with your tour company and let's not forget the cast of characters. The angry Tunisian. There's an Armenian guy in there. Did you call him

the Wolverine or something? What was he called? The devil. The devil of Hollywood Boulevard. So that's that's there we also have this was that picture that i sent you guys terrified i don't want to talk about it and also of course the book yeah yeah cracking code how to close ass for less money yep more ass more ass penguin random house hurry up people are clamoring so uh let's talk about the beach setup. After Tosh says that she wants to go back to the 70s, a decade, about the thing that she loves more than anything, you know, skin in the game political reform and protest. No, but I'm kidding.

It's partying. She loves the partying part of the 70s. So beach setup. Z notices that Storm is all over the place, and dare I say, Z might be getting the ick. This is one of Storm's first of many tests as bosun the dragon he must slay is this nine chaired beach set shut up storm yeah shut up i love that so aurora tells a very florida state tale about throwing up in solo cups and then we head to the beach, what do we think about this beach setup?

It's eight slash nine directors, chairs, and a bunch of rocks that spell hell. It's very weird to me. I thought it said home. Dave is prepping for an evening of tapas. He speaks of San Sebastian, one of the power nodes of the culinary world, home to restaurants like El Bulli and, know farhan adria and stuff like that but this doesn't seem to be the most pared down meal that the interior was looking for it seems like it's going to be a lot of things but we'll find out later that it's just

steak on spoons um but we'll talk about it so let's get to the elegant desserts and the twerking the ladies are going to be eating s'mores and the big issue is that the charter guests are still ashore when the sun goes down i was going to shit on them for serving these people s'mores but they requested it in the preference were they deconstructed no they were actually elevated mallows open open face yeah open face i saw a couple closed which is not oh really yeah i saw a couple closed. Which is not. Oh, really? Yeah. I saw a couple closed.

I'll say this. S'mores. You know, you guys have probably been to my house. That's the one way we'd end a party. Have you guys ever enjoy our s'mores? No, I leave before. Oh, yeah. You're out of here.

I've been there. Yeah. A s'more, if you haven't had one in a while, it's wonderful. There's something wonderful about mashing that burning marshmallow with some hershey chocolate you're like a s'more crackers i just think it's things that people uh so delightful people don't think to do it they do it like every 10 years that yeah yeah you know but no it's like it's something wonderful you should do at least once a year i think yeah i do it with the kids after watching a movie in in lacrosse wisconsin which many times when we're here and we talk about the

metropolitan la area it sounds like lake wobegon but when i go back they often have bonfires and are making some more it's a it's a tradition as old as tradition what is the fucking augusta one i wanted to say that the augusta one like a tradition unlike any other oh yeah yeah all right so and but i've just never had the patience to fucking really golden brown my mallow like yeah exactly what i was gonna say i always stick it in burn it to a crisp the middle is still hard the outside is carbon monoxide and for that reason i don't enjoy s'mores uh i've also had a lifelong battle with stickiness and they are a big big despise sticking they've they've caused that for years against me that

stuff i don't like foods that dirty your hand not a big wings guy not a big s'mores guy why don't you tell children the easter bunny doesn't exist you too i'm just i'm just saying enjoy it but you're gonna be sticky you little fucker okay so jason heads over to deliver the news to uh sandy and evidently oh excuse me to storm and storm is evidently not thrilled with the way that the news was delivered uh like jason's goddamn brad pitt or something this didn't amount to anything in a storm what what is the big deal here what you know he needs his supportants to run up to him face to face salute and give him the news from aboard captain sandy ship right right so uh let's get back to the bow kyle is slaying again despite

his heart longing for frank and uh we have to get to another really important bit of sea rat history dave is bald and he didn't always with the throughout the package we learned that uh he didn't always used to be bald um he used to have hair but he shaved it but one time he let it grow and it was long in the front so moving on you know you're making fun of this tidbit but i i was this really endeared myself to dave it showed me production likes him they they gave some jokes he was having fun with it and uh i think he's gonna close more ass for less money well as far as backstories too i mean i'd rather hear you know he used to have hair than uh his father used to beat his mother with a bone in front of him. Well, Roberts did that, actually.

Yeah, or his dad was gunned down in Mogadishu, who fucking tried to fix the health care system. Or his sister was gunned down in Michigan. Let's get to the 70s party. And, yeah, that was a tough one. Yeah. Yeah. She was just in a car, and car and like four people came up with machine

guns and just painted the fucking car yeah it's like the end of training day but it happened to a white girl it's so sad not because of that so let's get to the 70s party and to dinner uh garden of pickled vegetables and flowers watermelon gazpacho in the middle of the plate. This is a stunning plate of food. It is well constructed, and it is elevated California. This is Alice, you know. But next up is a bit of a fucking car crash. We've got shiso, sour mango linguine, sashimi, and ginger. Got a branding problem straight out of the gate.

I don't think sour mango linguine sounds all that appetizing, but I fear that with the shiso and the sour mango and the ginger, the flavor of the dish and the fish is a tad all over the place. And we follow this up with a horrendously plated steak dish, Wagyu and mushrooms on a silver cereal spoon and tosh was wanting these people to be full so that the night could end early but after these three bites of food dinner is in fact over uh 81 pots i thought it was you know uh it was good but it did not succeed in shutting the women down the espresso martinis and wine glasses won't help either.

I mean, come on, guys. Get the right classwear for these kinds of things. I mean, you can't be pouring people goblets of fucking espresso martinis. The head's not as sexy. It's not sexy at all. God. So they're ready to party, and they are ready for steven or are they or are they which i think it's a cock that i don't know if kyle's milked himself with or if tosh has

borrowed it to pleasure herself above dave while he cries but regardless the guests are now going to be drinking out of it uh kyle says hey i don't know if you've read The Room right, and that turned out to be very, very true. We mentioned it earlier, but what's wrong with y'all prudes, okay? You're throwing up in solo cups, talking about coming a few hours ago. Now you can't lick the tip of a beautiful salted pink cock. I'll talk, no walk. I mean, my God. I'll talk, no cock.

Fucking feeling feelings you never felt before after seeing Edward Cullen on the silver screen isn't the same as drinking out of a dildo. Yeah, no, no, no. I take your point. But also, hey, Pat. Yeah. A lot of talk. No cock. No cock.

So Kyle says, hey, said that. So what? Said that, too. So let's get to Kyle and Jason. They're both. Well, the guests go to bed. Thank that. So said that too. So let's get to Kyle and Jason. They're both having a tough time with their respective teams. And we get a little Sea Rat history with Indiana Jay. He can sew. Showed him sewing.

He can sail. Showed him sailing. He can juggle. Showed him doing a very poor job with paddle ball it's really it's kind of out of place you know the rest of the you know things yeah i didn't notice it but one of these things is not like the other and in that he's not doing the thing that he's saying he's good at i wanted to see him on the floor of like wall street you know where they're all looking at the tvs and throwing paper everywhere.

Right. They didn't have that shot. Uh-oh. Soy, bye, bye, bye. Okay, so Storm and Natalia have a little snuggle and chat about Chef and Tosh. They're a little off the mark on him realizing that it's over, but let's get past this very anticlimactic moment to get to the next day. Next day. Tosh gets another 75 texts from the cheater and enlists the help of her sister to tell him to stop um yeah this is just very i don't know it just screams so who was

she i was confused by this so who was she complaining about was she complaining about dave or the psycho boyfriend the psycho boyfriend all of a sudden was texting her mean things and like he like dylan said for some reason she pointed out to her sister to stop texting. It's just really, really weird to me. I don't know. Maybe it's more normal than they have that kind of relationship. I don't know. Hopefully Natasha's sister isn't anything like fucking Eaton Ash's sister.

Yeah, because Eaton Ash's sister was very competitive with her. Over men. So let's get to the next chat between Storm and Sandy. Nick, you mentioned this last week. Storm is great at being a deckie. If you need him to do something, he'll do it with aplomb. But not going to be in Bosun yet. And, in fact, I mean, he's kind of giving everybody the ick. There are really, really good PAs out there.

Yeah. They shouldn't be director. No. So the ladies arrive for yoga on an island. And Dave tussles with one of the most infuriating materials ever made, plastic wrap. My two sworn enemies in the culinary world, plastic wrap and lemon seeds. Why do we still have lemons and lemon seeds? There's so many other citruses. They don't lemon seeds. Why do we still have lemons and lemon seeds? There's so many other citruses.

They don't have seeds. But lemon, you have to use in so many things, and there are seeds in it. Just please, someone genetically modify the fucking seeds out of these lemons. They have. You can buy seedless lemons. Where?

I don't know. I don't think you can. You sure? I would find that shocking. You see this watermelon? I know. That's why it's so infuriating. I don't like too much citrus flavor either, generally.

Yeah, so we end with a disaster, though. The anchors are tied together, and Storm's idea is to risk his life in a perfectly timed kickoff of the anchor as the opposing one falls deeper and deeper in to the leaves of the ocean.

You lose a fucking arm, this hero. How fucking crazy would it be if they show up next episode and his body just got torn apart, storms dead, and we haven't even heard about it. He'd still be talking about his job. Like, alright, will you shut... Someone put some gauze over his fucking mouth so he'll shut up. part storm's dead we never even heard he's still be talking about his job like all right we shot someone put some gauze over his fucking mouth so he'll

shut up I feel like hey listen we all love storm man we'd love to have him on the show yeah right yeah oh yeah right oh I love to talk but I you don't shut up okay oh

yeah we want to have him on we'd be talking more you could talk here come on guys all right so jump in the iTunes ratings and reviews leave five stars, kind words. Go to patreon.com for ad-free episodes.

Join us on Facebook. Join us on YouTube. Nick and Brian are doing a fantastic job over there. Subscribe, like, comment. Tell your friends. We love you. We'll see you next week. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Nick, say goodbye. Bon voyage. Pat, say goodbye. Later, dudes. I'm out.