Another Below Deck Podcast - Bruce Phillis | Below Deck Med S9 E8
Episode Date: July 23, 2024Dylan and Pat are back to break down burn books, not seeing people that are most definitely there, dentistry, disaster movies, drama and more from Bravo's Below Deck Med.Ad Free and Uncensored at Patr...eon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkYoutube at https://www.youtube.com/@anotherbelowdeckpodcast_Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/Facebook Group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/anotherbelowdeckpodcastGo to MagicMind.com/BelowDeck and Use code BELOWDECK20Go to BodySmartFitness.com and mention the show in your application. Use code BADTV in the Tropical Smoothie AppÂ
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Thank God Gale is there.
Well, maybe they were there trying to retrieve that dead cat lying on the rock.
What?
Oh, there was a dead cat.
Or maybe he was still alive or have you got it?
There were no dead cats.
There were only cute cats in bowls all over the place.
My favorite part of the episode.
I give it 50 pots just for that.
What is going on with Ian?
That is nuts.
No, this is Shutter Island shit.
OK. Okay.
Hi hello welcome to another BrandsFan Canoe episode of another Below Deck My name is Dylan. I'm settled up next to Patrick, Hickey.
Permission to come aboard.
Granted.
Although I don't want to be here.
I want to get off this damn boat.
Yeah.
Hey, can I ask you something?
Sure.
Sup?
Not much.
So it's Patty's birthday today.
Oh yeah.
Everybody wish Patty happy birthday.
Yeah.
And it's my birthday
In October, right so everybody we're here to talk about below deck
It is I think the
anywhere from eight to
Ten episode. Yeah, we're halfway through the season somewhere around there
This was not a good entry
somewhere around there. This was not a good entry into this season from Below Dead.
This was that Breaking Bad episode where the fly gets in
the.
Yeah, and they're chasing a fly around for an hour.
But there was a lot of character development
in that one, I think.
Oh, you didn't feel like you got to know cheese
more in this episode?
No, no, no.
I felt like I got to know cheese a little bit.
But the problem is I don't want to. Right. this episode? No, no, no. I felt like I got to know cheese a little bit, but the
problem is I don't want to. Right. So I think Ian needs to see an eye doctor.
Well, or I think he needs to go in deep, deep, deep. He needs to see a psychiatrist.
It's the latter because, you know, we've heard of people going insane and seeing
things, but I've never seen, I mean, in a real M. Night
Chameleon kind of instance, reality is being erased in front of him. And I don't know what's
going on with this dude. Very, very interesting fella. But if you want to hear this ad free,
go to patreon.com slash another podcast network. We'll be talking about some lovely advertisers later. Join us there.
So we have to talk about our pots and you have to say how many you give and then
give general thoughts.
This was the worst episode of the season by far.
If this recap of that, of that episode is longer than 18 minutes,
I'll be shocked.
There was a lot of boat docking, a lot of leaving the dock.
I don't even, the guests weren't even on this show, the charter guests.
Not really.
This is one of those episodes where it was probably 15 minutes of material
that could have been grafted onto maybe the next couple
days of filming.
And then make that an episode.
Well, I was going to say, OK, so let's
say you're watching a spooky movie, right?
And you're like, so this burn book,
let's take the burn book, for example.
So what's happening this episode is
we have kind of a character study in paranoia, Balkan paranoia.
So who knows if, what is Ellie writing down? So what is Cheese writing down?
So Cheese is writing down things about laundry. Now our only narrator surrounding this entire
thing is Ellie, who is losing her mind. And cheese is making her lose her mind but also we'll get into Ellie Ellie's losing it
anyways oh we don't know what the book actually is yet and we've spent an
entire episode on building suspense for a thing that does not deserve there
could be a simple explanation I think it's gonna be a simple it could have
been like threes company they used to set these things up.
It'd be really confusing, but someone just saying one simple
thing would have maybe the episode not even worth it,
because there was a simple explanation for why
things were happening.
Like if this was a spooky movie, you'd
find this out sooner than we'd be moving on from it, right?
But no, not Below Deck.
How many boobs do you give it?
Well, I was going to say, I think the problem here is that below deck is getting
some accolades now.
They're finally getting the respect they quote unquote probably feel they've
always deserved.
Below deck down under just got nominated for an Emmy.
Uh huh.
And that doesn't always qualify or mean as an indicator that the show's quality is
good.
No, you know, Connors win Emmys are all the time, and no one watches that piece of shit.
Yeah, no, I used to work for a drug addict and a pedophile who was a newsman. He had an Emmy.
So, I mean, they hand him out like bubble gum.
Like bubble gum. So guys, come on, quality, please. Come on, you can't just throw shit at us and
expect us to just take it.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
OK, so for those reasons and others, zero knots.
OK, I'm going to give it zero knots
because I can't think of a reason why
I wouldn't give it zero knots.
So where do we leave off?
OK, sure.
So remember, the apocalypse is happening.
It was like a scene from that movie
with Gerard Butler called Greenland,
like the whole world is on fire, you know?
So you're on a boat.
So you're going to try and get the hell off that dock.
So the people on the boat can live.
Oh, he was on one of those called Greenland where everything was lighting up fire.
Yeah, yeah. It was like an apocalyptic movie.
I love that genre of film.
Anyway, that's what it was exactly.
Can we plumb that a little bit?
Just because there's not a lot to talk about.
Oh, sure.
You're a big fan of disaster movies?
Not disaster movies, apocalyptic movies.
OK.
Yeah, there is kind of a difference.
Disaster movies are like there could be an earthquake,
like volcano or something.
Sure.
Dante's Peak.
Those are pieces of shit.
What was that one with Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck?
No, yeah, that's a piece of shit. Okay.
Yeah, those are disaster movies. I don't
like those. What about, um... The Road. The
Road is an example of a film that I like.
It's so depressing and dark. Yeah. And sad.
Yeah. But it gets you thinking. Right.
People started eating other people to
survive and I'd argue if you're at that
point, you've lost your humanity, why even
live? Well, you have... Take the rest of the whiskey and then just die no no no
because you know humanity is struggle right so if things were dire I mean
let's say you know it all goes down and you and I are in this studio I would
hope that I could be marching forward into the future with somebody who's
getting ready to you know hand down on some thigh with me because
you know if push comes to shove we're gonna have to hand down on some thigh. Well we got to keep our
species alive to go on for another day because at the end of the day that's really why we only
that's the only reason we exist. Yeah exactly so you didn't like San Andreas. No I hated that too.
Okay yeah my arch nemesis the rock started that anyway, this boat is trying to leave that damn dock. What about Deep Impact?
I hate that movie.
That's another sad one.
Who would stand on the beach and just wait for a wave
to roll over you and die?
You know the worst one?
The worst one?
Volcano.
It is the worst one.
Dude, it's so bad.
It's so unbelievably bad.
Tommy Lee Jones and the human missile herself
Yeah, that's right Okay
so the boats leaving the dock and Sandy lets us know that leaving this dock is so dangerous and the reason being is because
There's only six inches of space on either side of the boat now
um, I saw the drone footage from above and I don't want to question Sandy's judgment
on exactly how long an inch is but if she saw my cock she'd think it was 80
feet given the system of measurement that she's using. There were clearly
20 feet on each side of that boat. Yeah and you know and you and I have talked
about it before but but the both of us I think that's why we became such fast
friends and such good friends
is because we both have tiny penises.
So a couple things about this undocking.
It's messy, it's tight.
Can I say one, very badass from Sandy, I think.
This was a badass maneuver.
Hold on.
It was badass.
Okay, okay, okay.
Can I finish my list?
Yes.
Two, Ian and Nathan just stink.
Oh, no, no, no.
Ian and Joe stink.
That's right.
They stink.
And three, this super yacht, this $200 million super yacht that parked this way, is there
a way for us to throw this man in full-blown prison for a day or two because this is absolutely
Ridiculous, I mean ridiculous. It's like double parking but with 200 million dollar cars. That's ridiculous. Yeah, Len
Clearly there was a protocol that allowed them they have
Dockmasters that decide how you're gonna park. I think it's completely out of line.
Completely out of line.
Well, talk to the people that run the dock,
and I'll say this, I'm not impressed at all.
What do you go to captain school for?
Is it just to play Candy Crush up on that bridge
and wear white Capri pants?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And eat free food?
No, they go to captain school and wear the fancy hat
and all that so that you in these moments
can drive that god damn boat out of there
with only six inches on each side.
Yeah.
Bravo, Sandy.
So the Ashes are dancing on the teak of Mystique.
Is that what this boat is called?
Mystique.
Okay.
Nathan feels bad about Joe being yanked off the bow
and he's doing this thing where he's trying
to demonstrate to Gale that he has a soul.
He has a heart, right?
So he's talking about how he feels for Joe, his buddy.
And he then goes on to say that he
wants to be respectful of Gale.
Thing one, you said, and I quote, fuck that guy.
Literally last episode.
Yes.
So I mean, I don't know why you're
trying to convince us that you're
anything other than a C-Rat.
Not only that, Nathan, old Patty here, he was a player.
OK?
I know what you were doing, a quite amazing humble brag
you just did there, which is, hey, I feel bad for Joe,
just because it's implied he's not as good as I am.
And I feel bad because I needed to replace him because I'm better than him.
Poor guy. It's all about it. If you read between the lines, fuck him.
Fuck that guy. Yeah. Also Dylan, I want to back up for a second cause there's not a lot to talk
about here. Meanwhile, Brie Cheese has decided to start writing things down. This is where it all
starts. And she claims she's writing this stuff down
because she has the memory of a goldfish.
Must be sad being a goldfish or awesome.
Hey, I think I had a roommate in this tank
with me yesterday, but he died.
Or did he?
What's a roommate?
Yeah.
Who am I?
You know, there's this incredible book called
the memory police and it's it's a it's kind of a horrifying dystopia.
Wherein some kind of dark veiled government takes associations away.
So you see a river, but you don't know what it's called. Right.
The synapse is sliced in half.
You see a river but you don't know what it's called. The synapse is sliced in half.
And the book demonstrates that without our own meaning,
things disappear.
And for a goldfish to have to live that kind of hell.
But he doesn't even know what hell is.
He forgot.
But there's a vague sense, a phantom known
in the back of the goldfish's head.
And every three seconds, he's tortured anew.
And so people want to talk about friar and brimstones
and stuff like that, but that's why hell is.
Hey, Del.
Yeah.
One other thing of note here.
I'm glad that she's writing things down now,
because she's a complete fuck up.
Writing down things is one of the best habits that I ever picked up because I rarely fuck
up or miss something.
Hey, you write down, hey, buy mom a birthday card today because I'd forget if I didn't
and the next thing you know it's a week later and mom hasn't gotten her birthday card.
And also, delete my porn viewing history so the wife doesn't see it.
Done.
Has your wife or anybody ever caught your porn viewing?
Like you left some remnants of a search on there or anything like that?
No, no, no, not really.
You know, I've left evidence behind, you know, and it's very funny, you know.
When you marry someone and they, if she's a cool bitch, you know, like my wife is, you're
ridiculed for it.
And it's a very, it's a very kind of, it makes you feel very small when you leave behind
evidence and your wife's like,
oh, look at you.
She got it turned into Bill Burr in that moment.
She's like, oh, look at you buddy.
Talking away at yourself.
Look at you.
That is so funny you bring that up.
Yeah.
This was a number of years ago.
I had a friend, Nicole, she was kind of good with computers
and I had like a virus or something.
Oh, got it.
So she shows up and she's working on my computer.
I'm just like in the same room doing something or whatnot.
And at some point she turns to me and she's like,
fat Indian women.
That's original.
And then of course guilt was on my face.
Wow.
F I W's.
Holy shit.
Now you got to be careful with that stuff.
I was in a meeting one time at a startup when I was younger and the president of the company
gathered us all around and put his screen on the big screen
so we could all see his notes.
And he went to Safari, and you could see,
back in the day when you had the favorites,
he just opened something to look something up,
and we could see two of the six favorites were
Pornhub and Spank Max.
XNXXX.com.
So he got caught.
He did get caught. None of us said anything about it. We just moved on to. Of course, that's what you do.com. So he got caught. He did get caught.
None of us said anything about it.
We just moved on to.
Of course, that's what you do.
Right.
Good soldiers.
So a lot of nothing takes place.
Bree is running around, soiling her pants,
and everybody else is.
Well, I don't know when we're going to fire cheese.
Well, we got to fire cheese.
Sandy kindly set the precedent.
You don't fire someone that stupid.
Yeah.
Because they took the job as the third student.
Now Sandy, if you're remembering this,
she called Cheese up to her quarters
to report that her white pants had now been dyed brown.
Yeah.
And then I think Kermit asked Cheese,
hey, you never mix the colors, do you?
And she said, no.
No, no.
That's a lie.
Yeah.
Because it's like,
man, it's amazing to see cheese. It's really amazing to see cheese
because the pants are brown now.
So what happened?
Poor Asha has to deal with Ellie and Bree.
And this is going to be a very, you know,
she's starting to realize that we're getting
to a tipping point, I can't handle this anymore.
But she's always looking for silver lining,
she's so positive.
She's like, at least Ellie and Brie are not fighting.
Enter Brie into the laundry room.
And you know, this always happens
and we're fans of the Bonkin Biscuit,
I think she's a nice gal.
But the way that she speaks to Bri is absolutely nuts. It is. Now again we
don't know if the inception of this hatred and let's call it what it is it's
pure fucking hatred. Was this Joe thing or if she's getting fatigued and angered by Bree's
Machiavellian musings? I don't know what it is but either way it's not really justifiable behavior.
I agree and we still don't understand what those notes are all about but I guess
Sea Rats with Glass H houses shouldn't throw stones.
And she's also the Balkan biscuit is from a place where you make Barbie dolls out of dead people's clothes. So don't mess with her.
Well, not, um, not the whole article of clothing.
So you'll see like a dead person and then a bit of their shirt will be frayed.
And that's really all you need to make kind of like a sarong, you know? Um,
but yeah yeah no tough
tough cookies worse we're so lucky man we're so lucky you know I got a macho
today yeah you know yeah I mean you go to the the Ukraine right now I mean oh
you're not dodging a bomb being dropped near where you're walking now I mean
things are really good, actually.
We have to remind ourselves of that.
So the Bulk It Biscuit perceives this book of notes to be a book of ammunition.
She thinks that this book is Ellie, excuse me, she's taking tabs on Ellie's mistakes. Now I'm not sure how Ellie would know this other than mistakes that she knows
she made appearing in written form before her but I don't know I just think
we got an unreliable narrator. Well we'll see. Geez if you are doing this shame on
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at checkout okay Patty yes okay I think at this point Sandy calls poor Joe up to
the bridge and she lets him steer the boat for a little while it's one of
those life coaching exercises she does. It's straight from the leadership trade. I mean it's big teeth, it's big Tony,
and it's a lot of energy. Get them in there. And for Joe, now I don't want to be so cynical
that I would hope that Joe would be deprived of this joy, but if you do take a step back and
realize Joe that you're a grown man and this woman has just asked you to come up and
Steer the ship for a little bit. Um
You have to recognize it as a trick, okay
She has to and she's I'm really turning on Captain Sandy. Okay, we'll get to it in a little bit
But she has brought you up here to give you a Reese's Pieces, essentially.
Okay? Because the boat, the humor of this boat, the vibe of this boat has to be
maintained and it's not just Asha and Ian who are doing that, okay? She is the
king of the castle. And call me a cynic, Dylan, because I hate to be that, but this
could be a little bit more about Sandy than you
All right, so we get to Greek food
Jono is having a tough time
So he phones BFF Penelope who tells him that leeks spinach good quality feta are going to be necessary for this kind of
culinary fare
Greek food
Except for the thousands of layers of phyllo,
is a very simple, very humble, very delicious kind of food.
I just ate and soulvain it.
Oh, did you?
Yeah, at a Greek joint.
What'd you get?
Well, they had this kind of sampler thing.
Oh, God, it was so beautiful.
All these different types of-
Salads and stuff.
Well, they had that, but no, it was, what do you call it? Kind of different hummuses and stuff. Yeah, had that but no it was um what do you call it like
kind of different hummuses and stuff? Yeah yeah yeah. Delicious. Dips. Oh yes. Yeah they call it dips but I bet you
felt clean after you ate it. I sure did clean me right out. Today's episode is brought to you by Greek
Food. So um we spend another four minutes on dropping anchors and heaving lines and this is when Ian
has a stroke and and cannot see two people
that are walking up to him to do the job that he's been asked okay so they're
waiting Sandy I'll do like a reenactment of it because they're waiting for they
want to throw the heaving lines to connect the boat to land yeah okay here's
it Sandy hey and do you have eyes on the people trying to catch the heavy lines?
Captain, we got a problem here.
There's no dock.
No, you be Sandy.
I just told you there's no dock.
No dock?
Yeah.
What's going on with this guy?
It's just ocean.
I'm just looking in front of me and it's just ocean for miles and miles and miles and you'd be sandy to me tell you oceans I think we're right up against the
document what's wrong with this guy I'm actually seeing the dog right now
actually but there's no one here it's like there's not a soul here it's like
the happening happened here are you sure look again and world-class improv this
is how I really like okay this is Sandy and do you see anybody down yeah, there's a there's a guy at the end of the dock
Actually, there's two of them. They're looking at me and they're wearing the same uniform
Hey guys guys, we don't have gelato on the boat. You can get that in town. I think yeah
Are you sure they're?
Hold on. Let me see
They're waving their hands like they want us to throw us? Hold on, let me see.
They're waving their hands like they want us
to throw them something.
Yeah, I'll be the guys, I'll be the guys,
I'll be the guys.
It's not gelato that we're here for, babe.
We don't want gelato, babe, we want to help with the lines.
Hey, look, we're not like in LA, like food dispensary.
I don't have any food to give you, get away.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So absolutely losing his mind, but thank God Gail is there
Well, maybe they were there trying to retrieve that dead cat lying on the rock
Why there was a dead cat or maybe was still alive or there were no dead cats?
There were only cute cats in bowls all over the place my favorite part of the episode
I give it 50 pots just for that. What is going on with Ian is nuts no this is Shutter Island shit okay yeah I mean he are is
he gonna make the is he gonna be on the show at some point Gail walks behind
him with the heavy lines and she's like they're right there. I don't see them. Oh my god. Yeah.
It's like he's on fucking codeine.
Porian.
Porian.
So Asia and Ellie do lunch service.
Asia is wondering if she's kept the girls on too tight a leash.
So she wants Ellie to have an opportunity to show her stuff.
Also, she needs a break.
Wrong.
You were right in your estimation that no,
they're just not ready to do this and we proceed to see why. Ellie goes up and
talks to Cheese about how to do lunch service. It's cordial at this point. Kind
of, but I think Ellie, well I think Cheese has already done numerous lunch
services so I think Cheese knows that she has to go down and get plates and stuff like that, but
I could be wrong.
But Ellie is rather inexperienced.
She doesn't know where anything is.
She doesn't know where the horseradish is.
She doesn't know where the pickle juice is.
And poor Asia is trying to watch YouTube videos of, I don't know, like kangaroos shitting
their pants or something like that.
Something to do with poop.
She's obsessed with poop well poops funny for
four-year-olds because they're interested in how body functions work
she is now 34 and me and Asia have something in common we both send
pictures of our shit to our loved ones you do that and she still has sex with
you well no no I I don't do it to Cece.
I do it to other people.
Oh, OK.
Like a college buddy, of course.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And his wife.
It's white.
I think you should see a doctor.
It's not like anything.
But if there's something odd to it, then I send it.
Because he's a lawyer.
Of course, he needs a laugh.
He sent zing young men to death.
Kind of, not though.
So Ellie heads over and begins to fail.
So Aisha wakes up hearing all this chatter.
She goes up and recognizes that the table
has not been set up and we're 10 minutes to.
Ellie's responses back to A Asia have kind of perpetually
been throughout the season really tough to hear.
She, there really is no admission of any fault.
It's just-
Well, she says, and I quote,
if we had five more minutes,
I feel like we would have had it together.
I don't think that there's any reality in which that would have taken place.
I mean there was literally nothing on the table.
That's why I appreciated Cheez's take on it.
She completely doesn't have faith in either of them.
She wholeheartedly agreed with Kermit this was going to be a disaster.
So Cheez has got the right frame of mind here.
So lunch is delicious, massive prawns, lamb souvlaki, med salad, pita.
Jono crushes this.
I love it.
Yeah, it's like telling a four-year-old,
good job on not shitting your pants.
It's like, yeah, it's supposed to be amazing.
Yeah, no, we really turned a corner here.
And no longer do we have the beetroot powder
and the milk steaks.
Now we have beautifully garnished massive prawns
and lamb souvlaki.
It was an 89-pot lunch.
Yeah, it was. They didn't really
give us a lot of shots of it. So Sandy talks to Leah. What'd you think of that gold leaf
bullshit? Hello 19. We'll get there. We'll get to the gold leaf. So Sandy and Leah have
a conversation. Sandy says I wish I looked better. That line, in the midst of this love, was so, it just,
so ingratiating.
Like, Sandy is gorgeous.
For all the fun I make of Sandy, she's
a very impressive person.
Such an impressive person.
She just says stupid things that I need to mock.
Yeah.
She's got timeshare way in the rear view
Yeah, and also that incident on cameo. Hey
Come on pills. Yeah. Yeah. So there was that one time and we all have those missteps you take 14 forward
You take a couple back. I thought you were gonna say you take 14 14 per cassette and
Then get on cameo. But no, you take a couple steps back and then you plow forward and that's
exactly what Sandy's done. That's right. So, Joe has a dream about sucking Bree's old
school retainer. Their accents are prohibitive and dreams don't have to make sense so I really
have no clue what they're talking about. Me neither. So we get ready for dinner.
We need to perform sparkles.
Ellie is hitting on Riz.
Do we skip the little jaunt through hydro?
Did we do?
Hydra?
Yeah.
I think I might have.
Couple things to glean here.
Sorry about that.
They go on quite the tour.
Kermit is their tour guide.
Hey, how old are those buildings? They were built some time ago. Yeah. Oh, look at that
statue over there. What's that about? I'm told it means
something very important. You know, for 10 bucks, they could
have paid for a local to probably show them around town.
And I'm not kidding.
Just see me.
That's okay.
I won't give a shit. We're gonna be replacing these couches. We're getting those barrels chairs
That's right, Pat
Yeah
Can I can you be the tour guide? Let me ask you some more questions. Oh, yes. I'm my Kermit. Yeah, you're sure. Hey Kermit
What's up with the the color scape here? It sounds, it looks like they're all kind of this kind of like a pastel-y thing.
Are you talking about the clothing?
No, the architecture, all the homes have like the same kind of color palette.
Do you know what?
Yeah, it's really pretty.
Okay.
The streets are cobblestone.
I mean, they look like they're very worn.
How long have they been here?
Very long time.
Yeah.
Thanks, Kermit.
Do you have any, um, it looks to be a quite robust city we've got here at
Hydra. Do you know how?
Very busy.
Um, you know, I heard that Greece was economically ravaged, but this place
seems to be doing very well. Do you have any update on the economics of the region?
Yeah, I heard they're doing really good now.
Wow, I learned a lot.
And shame on me for asking such long-winded and perverted questions.
So we move on to dinner.
Sparkle night.
I believe sparkle night.
Yeah.
But before we get there, Ellie says that she's a little,
Ellie and Asia have a conversation.
And this is where, you know, Ellie,
we gotta call balls and strikes, so let's talk about this.
She lies.
She lies, I mean, she, Ellie, looks at Asia, says,
I am so checked out of all this drama.
And then proceeds to talk only about said drama
in which she accuses cheese of twisting reality,
which is what she's doing in this conversation
and then says she's pissed at me.
Her version of what took place in that laundry room
earlier that morning is pretty untrue.
Yeah. She walked in here and she told me to get the fuck out of here you know I can believe this you're not gonna believe
this this girl walks in dyes the pants brown shoves me up against the wall and
tells me to get out it's unbelievable. Oh My god
Actually, she kind of takes the stance which is like I don't believe either of you. Yeah. Do you like to?
Address the disco balls on the outside of the so filthy yucky normie I forgot these fuckers were from Myrtle Beach where my mom just moved and remind the audience
My mom is posting memes about a former first lady having balls
You're talking about...
It's Myrtle Beach.
Myrtle Beach is a fun place, a lot of golf courses.
I love you, mom.
Love you, mom. So dinner is lobster and cauliflower rice. I am on vacation.
I don't want a rice substitute in any way, shape or form.
You want to eat the rice or you don't want rice at all?
If there needs to be rice, there needs to be rice, but make it long grain, make it short
grain, make it whatever you need, have it well cooked, well seasoned and not cauliflower.
Can I tell you what one of my requests would be?
And we will, Dylan and I will be with our wives on a season of below deck at some point.
My request will be, I want something light.
I don't want any heavy dishes.
That would be my request.
I just, you got to have your shirt off all day. I'm going to be boozing enough. That's where I want to get. I don't want any heavy dishes. That would be my request. I just, you gotta have your shirt off all day.
I'm gonna be boozing enough.
That's where I wanna get all my calories.
The meals, I don't want a large steak.
I don't need a fucking dead sea bug in front of me.
I don't want potatoes.
I don't want like these large piles of carbs.
Light and airy.
I would tell the chef, if we were to ever go on this show,
don't try to
Reinvent the wheel here. Let's have some humble food at night. Just make it clean and make it good
Okay, well, let's have some some chicken thighs and some veggies and a salad and stuff like that
Because I have no confidence in
Pulling it off. We're not gonna do Japanese night on below deck. Okay? I'm not going to be here for that, okay?
I don't want you fresh making pasta.
You don't want an onion volcano.
I don't want an onion volcano.
I don't want homemade ravioli.
They're going to be completely imbalanced,
toothsome, not toothsome.
It's just going to be a mess.
So let's just keep it clean.
All right, so dessert dessert I think yes is a
poached pear
With edible gold leaf and some kind of plasma that is spilling all over the plate. It looks like
You know
Looks like the excretion of a fucking wound
There's this thing that happens all the time on his plates
where it looks as though there's been a large incision
and there's leaking.
They really had a tough time with the poached bear.
Maybe they can get a nurse next to it
and it has one of those little sucker things
like you get at the dentist going.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, and you sit back and they like put it in his mouth sucker things like you get at the dentist going. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
And you sit back, and they put it in a spot that makes you gag.
You're like, oh, I'm sorry.
Sorry.
I mean, I can't do any dentistry.
You need to do a mold.
We can't do that.
I can't have that in my mouth for that long.
I'll just start throwing up and crying.
At this point, Dylan, the way I go through it, they're like,
hey, you got a cavity that go pull it.
Look at my teeth, Dylan.
What do you mean?
I have on both sides of my mouth, I just said, just pull it. I don't want to spend any time here. I'm so sorry.
All right.
We end with, sorry, I got to clean myself up. That's okay. Yeah, go ahead. All right. So we end with, by the I gotta clean myself up.
That's okay.
Yeah, go ahead.
All right, so we end with, by the way, we're still at the dinner table.
Yeah.
And this is where Kermit comes over, because she's a real charmer.
And I don't know what prompted her, but she admits to sending pictures of her own feces
to her boyfriend, Scott.
Remember that Kings of Leon song?
When he goes, oh, she's such a charmer.
You know that one where he screams?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's a great song.
Yes. Amazing.
Yeah, amazing.
Kermit, not for dinner table talk.
Okay?
Oh, yeah.
So anyways, we end with Asia trying to get to the bottom.
You know, she reminded me a lot of Morgan Freeman and the Bone Collector.
I love that movie.
Was that Angela Jolie in that one?
That might have been, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And Morgan Freeman was in the Bone Collector.
Mm-hmm.
And you know, they're really trying to get to the bottom
of stuff in that movie.
That's a serial killer.
Yeah, and so that's what Aisha's doing.
And we end with her reading this notebook
and not really knowing heads or tails of it.
Now, next episode looks like it's gonna be a bit of a banga.
We've got Ellie and she's sitting down with Captain Sandy.
Said I'll fire both your asses.
Look out.
Fireworks next week.
We and Bravo promise.
Jumping out to the ratings for using five stars,
kind words.
Join us at patreon.com slash another podcast network
for ad free episodes, PMZ and soon
to be the Bachelorette all behind that paywall over there.
We love you guys very much.
I'm Dylan saying goodbye.
Pat, say goodbye.
Later, dudes. Love