Another Below Deck Podcast - Days of Our Sea Rat Lives | Below Deck Sailing Yacht S5 E1

Episode Date: October 8, 2024

Dylan and Pat are back to break down breast feeding in a Jurassic Park van, being thrown around like a tender, Daisy and Gary's love, raves, Notting Hill and more from Bravo's Below Deck Sailing Yacht.Ad Free and Uncensored at Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkYoutube at https://www.youtube.com/@anotherbelowdeckpodcast_Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/Facebook Group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/anotherbelowdeckpodcastGo to MagicMind.com/BelowDeck and Use code BADTVGo to BodySmartFitness.com and mention the show in your application. Use code BADTV in the Tropical Smoothie AppGo to Ro.co/BELOWDECK 

So here's Keith's Sea Rat Sad story, or maybe not. Born in America, raised in Australia, and get ready for this revelation. His dad wasn't in the picture. His mom was a tour guide. I guess she breastfed him while she was on one of those Jurassic Park Jeeps. Shall I continue?

That's a spit take if I've ever seen one in my life. Now I'm going to give this a zero on the Sea Rat Sad Scale. Here's how you're going to bump it up to one. During one of those safaris, a hyena dragged a baby lion cub into the field and his mother started squirting some of that milk at the hyena, distracted him, cub got away. That's a good story. You get a one for that. Welcome aboard another brand spanking new episode of another below deck podcast.

I am Dylan. It's a new season. That's Pat. Hey, great to be here. Permission to come aboard. Hey, granted. So we've got our coffees. That's right, Dylan.

I'm already feeling the effects of those four shots of espresso. Yeah. We and it's espresso and that's fine. I should stop drinking this. We don't fuck around, okay, we've got a lot of work to do today, but we're beginning our day with each other as podcast brethren to break down the new season of Below Deck Sailing Out. Now Pat, why are we here at nine o'clock in the morning on a Tuesday? Yeah, well first off, I'm happy to be here with you, pal. I love doing this with you, but I'm doing it this early in the morning on a Tuesday. Yeah well first off I'm happy to be here with you pal I love doing this with you but I'm doing it this early in the morning I'm

I'm in misery. Yeah I can't smoke pot this early in the morning you know usually we record in the evenings and I can I can get blitzed you know because I'm gonna go home and then go to bed but I have too much things today. Well Dylan an unfortunate turn of events in last week Bravo had decided to revoke our early screener Privileges for some unforeseen reason Let me just say that they say that it they've been revoked for everybody, but but but you know listeners of this show Know very well that you know I've wanted to wage war with Bravo for some time and the only thing that has that I've wanted to wage war with Bravo for some time, and the only thing that has kept us back

is Patty's red carpet affection for the screeners. That's right. I want to feel special, Dylan. I don't want to watch it with regular people. I want to watch it on Friday. Right, you feel like Mariah Carey in the bubble bath when we're in here on Friday, watching the episodes early and recording,

talking about the episodes. Two guys are feeding me strawberries, and I'm enjoying my best life. I'm not enjoying my best life watching this on Monday night with everybody else. So Bravo, here's your warning. You have a week to make this right. If you don't, we will as the kids say, go rogue. And it's going to get pretty ugly for you. Every charter guest, every Sea Rat, it's just.

We're not gonna allow you on our phones to listen into the interviews. You can go kick rocks. Right, right, right. All the questions that we ask, all the juice that gets cut out of the normal interviews because you have a problem with the question. We've cut so many things out of interviews

with Sea Rats because of Bravo. We've not spoken to so many people because of Bravo. Because those early screeners. And now we're not Mariah Carey. We're just Dylan and Pat. I'm just a regular person right now, and I don't want to be that person. So you better fix it, or I will start.

Oh, by the way, Sea Rats, listen. And by the way, Bravo, you think them being in a contract is going to bring you some kind of loyalty? They're fucking Sea Rats. The second they see themselves look bad on an episode, old Patty's gonna reach out to them through those little DMs. They're gonna come in and they're gonna talk smack

about production and you're not gonna like it. So do the right thing, reinstate our early screener privileges or it's gonna be problematic for you. Well, I'll tell you what I'm doing right now. I mean, I've been reading, you know, manifestos, Timothy McVeigh, stuff like that. I'm essentially pouring gasoline over massive drums of styrofoam and we're getting ready to just light it on fire. Okay, so one week Bravo

that's it and the fact that It's so melodramatic, you know, it reminds me of the the hacky days of our lives conversation that Daisy and Gary have That is so funny. I have a note called it the days of our lives conversation that Daisy and Gary have. That is so funny. I have a note called it, the days of our Sea Rat lives. Oh really? I don't need that story in this show. We'll get there. There was a big strike.

We'll talk about it. But the melodrama surrounding this, oh, Gary King got in trouble with a makeup artist. Well, he was accused of sexual assault. Yes, he was accused. It was very serious. I don't mean to minimize or minimize. Yeah. But because of that, or events that are unfolding in the season, we can't have no one cares about your show. I know the secret hairs. No one cares. Okay, you

have a fucking womanizing drunk Sea Rat. Like we haven't seen that before. And he may or may not have sexually assaulted someone. I think they're still trying to, I don't know. Yeah, we are with that. I don't like him. And pretty much everyone that watches this show has turned on him. You made a bad move allowing him to come on another season because most of us can't stand him. Right. Right. Okay. Yeah. What's your big secret? You're hiding. By the way, we want to be Mariah Carey. We're just a little pissed off this morning. Let's take a sip of our coffee. Let's let's what's the what's what do you say when you're doing like downward dog or I don't even know what that word means. Well, at the end of like yoga, yeah, at the end of yoga classes, you say like pre At the end of hot yoga classes, you say like, prehimbunant say, you're gonna something like that.

And it's like, anyways, I just want to say, I'm not going to be in Zen Dylan. Okay, that's fine. Let's start with our pots. Pat. Oh, first love is blind. Oh yeah. By the way, I want to thank everybody. We're up in the charts. The show is growing. Thank you for that. We are covering so many shows right now. A lot of Patreon too. Oh, we came out of summer vacation and we are really working hard for you. So we're doing Love is Blind season 7. Yeah, the weather's cooling. Oh wait, it's not. And we're ready to get back to work.

There's a guy that they allowed to be as a member of the cast of Love is Blind that left his three kids and wife to be on the show and they didn't vet him. Yeah and he just said uh you know you wouldn't have wanted to meet me in the past I was a bad guy. And he meant three weeks ago when he left his three children crying at a doorway to go be on a television show. Yeah yeah exactly. So it's an amazing show. Love is blind Salt Lake City housewives. Yep, real housewives of Orange County housewives Yeah, so like city and love is blind is at patreon.com slash another podcast network Pat and I just did a zoom Dot is I wouldn't say heavily featured in the zoom, but she makes a couple appearances So go to patreon.com slash another podcast network for all that juicy stuff let's get into the show

how many pots do you give it okay as an episode first off you can tell they've been sitting on this footage for over a year and a half you can see how much they've manipulated it it's clear in the editing and they tried to move it faster and if you don't if you didn't notice they're trying to carve Gary out of the episode or minimize him in the actual show. Did you notice that at all? No, and I think you're wrong. Okay.

I have a theory that Gary King, because they have a Gary problem, has been set up to have his head chopped off like Ned Stark. Somewhere in the middle of the season, production will have said, everyone hates this guy. We made a mistake. We need to get rid of him the second He makes one mistake you're gonna fire him captain Glenn. That is my prediction. Okay, okay All right. All right. So one of the things that really stunk about last season was the love love triangle I like Colin. I like Daisy can't stand Gary King can't stand Gary King, can't stand the three of them together. It became tiresome. You know, everyone has their a good run and then it's time to retire. Why these three were not retired sooner, I have no idea. Just a couple of kid

Icaruses thinking, oh it's our second season, you know, we can fly all the way up here. No, you can't. Your C-Rat wings will burn. You'll crash to the fucking ground. Because it's like watching the same movie over and over with the same actors. And Gary's not that interesting. He's a pretty one-dimensional human being. I've not seen anything.

You're talking about like Notting Hill? Yeah. Yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah, yeah. Well, Gary is just pretty much a simpleton. And it's time for him to go. And I can't stand and I hope we don't see any more of it this season. The one life to live scene on the deck of the boat between Daisy and Gary.

So forced, Daisy, you should be ashamed of yourself. Get some acting classes. You couldn't act your way out of a wet paper bag. It was pathetic. Please, Bravo. If you have any more of this footage edited out in the next episode, we don't care. We want new Sea Rats. We want new Sea Rat fun. The storylines of Daisy and Gary are old. No one cares. No one cares. Get rid of that. Okay. So I hated that. All right. The 22 year old-

You're going a little long for your pots right now. I just want to tell you. Oh, I am. Yeah. I mean, I got you on a clock. Okay. Well, I'm happy for a fresh start. I thought it was a decent episode it flew by really quick yeah and I'm curious what's gonna happen with this season. 50 knots. How many times you seen Notting Hill? Four times. Really? I saw in the movie theater twice. One time because it came out the same month as Phantom Menace and I bought a Notting Hill ticket thinking I could sneak into Phantom Menace and the seats were filled.

So I had to go see Notting Hill. Big movie. Phantom Menace. Yeah. It's a really cute movie. Although I'd argue with Notting Hill, one issue is Hugh Grant's character. Let's just take a moment. Let's talk about Notting Hill for a second. Hugh Grant played just like, I think he worked in a library or something

or a bookstore. Bookstore, yeah. Travel bookstore, I think. And of course, as a big famous movie star would, and this happens quite a bit, Lady Gaga occasionally will just date a filthy yucky normie. Well, Lana Del Rey just married a bayou rat. Yeah. That's right. So they do do it. And so Julia Roberts, because you know, they need, you know, celebrities can either, you know, become cobblers like Daniel Day-Lewis, or get violently addicted to drugs like Aaron Carter, and 90% of the business. Or they can kind of fetishize the freaks that all of us are to them, you know, who I want to marry somebody that dips

Copenhagen, you know? Yeah, well, to marry somebody that dips Copenhagen, you know? Yeah, well, if you remember at the tail end, it's the third act, Hugh Grant listens in on a scene being done by Julia Roberts and her co-star in which she shares the guy that's here to see her as just a friend and she doesn't have much interest in him. It's really because Julia Roberts was trying to brush that actor off and not share any personal details. It's one of those plot points that was really stupid. Well it's just it you know it goes to show you and we'll stop talking about Notting Hill in a second

but it goes to show you that you know the normies don't really understand the politicking involved in those industries you know what I mean you know that's why Barack Obama's chef ended up face first in a shallow puddle of water. I can't wait to talk about this chef. He claims to be 22. His teeth look every bit of 29. Okay. Yeah. Can I pot? Please. Oh I'd forgotten you have any even given 72 pots. Fine episode. We've got to do something with the Davides Davidae. All right, Dave, I'm glad you touched on this because this is normally me that fucks up things.

And okay. No, no, no, no, no, no. Okay. No, I have a real problem with casting here. We have a D problem. We have a Daisy. We have a David did or whatever the fuck his name is. We have a D Anne and we have a Diane.

Okay. You're all getting nicknames. This is not going to work out for old Patty. I drink way too much while I'm potting. Well, it's very clearly that you drink a lot while you're watching too because we don't have a Diana and a Deanna. That's the same person who was rated by the FBI. I think she's a spy.

But yeah. A Danny. We have a Danny. We have a Danny. That's right. A Danny and a Diane. Yes. Okay Boy crazy Danny. Yeah excited to get to her We got to do something You know what? I'm not gonna get into the specifics of how a lot of the men on this show look like

Broke versions of Fabio. I don't know why we get these people. Let me say this The girls are all gorgeous, right? They're gorgeous Let me say this. The girls are all gorgeous, right? They're gorgeous. They're the girls are lookers. Can we get the caliber of guys up a little bit? What are we doing here? I know that Sea Rats aren't the hottest people in the world, but you know, I just feel bad for the women. I mean, Danny Deanna, the fucking Ukrainian spy or whatever the fuck her name is, says, you know, I find everybody repulsive, but Stockholm syndrome will take place at one point. Yeah, one of those dudes brags about raving for 20 years. He looks every bit of a guy who's been raving for 20 years.

His fucking hair is falling out of the top of his head. Well, we have these talking head head looks where and we had it with who is the the binder of universes last season? I forget Literally the season we just did the boson He held universes together. Oh Ian, oh my god boy. How soon we forget I know and it's important to forget I gotta learn new lame names, you know We talked about it on love is blind that the sequence of love is blind characters is you go? Oh, this person's interesting. Oh, they might be evil. Oh, they're absolutely evil. Oh, I completely forgot they exist

That's that's the sequence of our relationship with these people. Anyways, it was a good episode to begin with Cloyce I'm excited to get into But yeah, well, you've got a lot to talk about. How are we going to name? What's the engineer? How are we going to say his name? We don't even know if, what did you say? Dava Dill. I don't know. I'm going to try and be consistent whatever the hell I call them. We'll figure it out. Listen, it's the first episode. I'm going to say episode three episode three will pretty much have the names down pat But here we go again, the knives are gonna be flying and we're in Ibiza, baby

All the clubs all the raves all the drugs. We're not doing any of that. We're gonna be on a clown car ship With sewage problems. So it's gonna be not as sexy. No Daisy let's go through the little intro with the characters really quickly. Daisy's not going anywhere near anyone with a dick this season. Impossible you're a Sea Rat. Cloyce first restaurant job when he was 14 just because he's young doesn't mean he's an idiot and listen it does you know this it's very rare that young people aren't idiots. They can all be doogie, doogie, how's her right? Exactly. So, um, Keith fine, nice guy. Well, you know, very uncomfortable with the full court press of Danny throughout this

episode. Oh yes. Uh, Davidel, uh, we've got to help these people out a little bit with their talking heads. This is where I saw him. He looked like saber tooth, you know, Wolverine's brother, Wolverine's evil brother. There are so many of these guys that have this man bun, straightened kind of ogre hair that is going on. Like can production must hate these people at the end of the day. straightened Kind of ogre hair that is going on like can Production must hate these people at the end of the day if they fly out to Los Angeles They go to whatever fucking hotel that is

What's it called the garland the garland and these production people are just reminded of how much they hate these Sea Rat So they just tell them they look great and they need to be better people. Emma should have applied herself more in high school. It's too late you're a C-Rat now and Danny wants to shake her ass for some money and any male attention she gets she yells and says get your tits out. This is perfect for Gary, perfect for the show. Yeah. Right? We need this. Yes. So Glenn is wondering who his bunk buddy is gonna be. Hopefully he doesn't get a hydroflask dropped on his skull at three o'clock in the morning. No one's head should be a drink holder. I want to say this about Glenn.

I know that he loves to sail the high seas and enjoys being a captain, but there is also killing whores. That's right. But there is this whole part about having to bunk with someone Yeah, when you have a fancy title like captain and you're over 42. You shouldn't have to sleep four feet from another man's feet Am I right? You're a hundred percent because they told old Patty a patty you want to be a captain you get travel the world for free You're gonna work and drinking around a bunch of young people. All right. Well, what's the hangup? You FaceTime the kids every once in a while, Perfect kind of parenting. And then they say, well, you're gonna have a bunkie. And I'll be like, Yeah, but I'm 43. Yeah, like, well, that's part of the deal. I'd say no point. No point.

Not gonna happen. Absolutely not. If I'm not sleeping in my bed or a bed of equal comfort of my bed, I'm likely out on the plane. You know, Dill, I saw this, I don't know, it was like a documentary or something. It's so like China, you know, because they got so many people there in hotels. They have these tubes that people show. It's got a nice little TV in there. You know, human beings don't need a lot of room to actually kind of feel like those are, uh, those are, I think it's against the Geneva convention. Are you still dying? No, I feel great. It's a caffeine. Okay. You were saying Gary heads under the boat. Glenn's like, Hey buddy, how you doing? Heard you sexually assaulted somebody. This is a little awkward. Gary is work hard and work

harder this year. How long are we gonna give him until that code, that edict breaks? Well we saw some footage from the future episodes, not long. Right. Daisy heads on, doesn't want to be around Gary and is not looking forward to having to work with him again. This is our distancing ourselves. This is what I wanted to mention at the top of the show and I need to start writing down my pots because you know once you throw to me I'm in a complete you know just an opaque mess. We're not fans of Gary. Gary's good at his job, but he, um, the thing that we really don't like about Gary is he's, he's not accountable for what he does.

So he'll go on reunions and absolutely torpedo them by going, I don't know what you're talking about. I never watched the show. That is, that is so much worse than sexual assault, but Daisy is so awful. I'm really at a place with Daisy where I, the melodrama that she was trafficking in in the second season has come like coattails with her

this season. This I don't want to be around him. Daze you signed the contract babe you know that he's gonna be on the boat babe and then the thing with the chef at the end of the episode this is on him. Daisy you got to slow your roll because you'll be off this fucking show in a heartbeat too okay. Yeah I hate because I know that they all listen. I don't care what Gary King thinks, but Daisy, I kind of do it. Daisy, it's I'm sorry. It's time for a refresh.

Yeah, season six. Let's hope let's get through this one. Davidel is up next. No, Cloyce is up next. He has extremely dry sarcasm and is I believe he said fucking delicious. Don't say that. I just hope he's a smoker.

Uh, you know, why his teeth are yellow. Come on, dude. You're 22. Come on. Yeah. So two times a day, David ill. Is that what we're calling him? Davidell?

His name is Davide. Now, are we done with that? Because is this the part where Chloe starts getting into that? He hints that he's kind of into not the women that are on the boat He's kind of into women that are you know a little old. Oh, yeah, he says that he's well, he doesn't say older He doesn't specify older. He you know, he doesn't he says that he's 22 he has the disposition of of a pedophile and A 49 year old pedophile. And when

he says that he's not into women his age, he doesn't specify I thought he looks like he's into granny porn. He does. He does. And if you're into that, no judgment. But before we get to him, Danny typical Sea Rat story, brave departure away. Oh, look who it is. Look who it is. Our own ex-producer, Kaelin. Unbelievable. Hey pal. You're just gonna sit here the entire time? We're recording. Get out of here. All right. The gall this kid has to just what he destroys the studio every week. something's wrong he quit the show

And now he's just walking in here Won't trade with me in fantasy football even though his team sucks I was on that tax exchange you guys it got pretty heated. Yeah, my team does suck. All right so I Mean I'm all thrown now he threw you he threw me He completely threw me. All rightailin try not to make too many big movements. Yeah, just be small. Okay. You want me to go get a coffee? No, it's fine. You have some of the pats because he's gonna shit his pants and his heart's gonna explode if he gets to the bottom of that.

So, Danny, typical Sea Rat story, brave departure away from a foundation of any kind, roots of any kind. Flew around the world, robbed a couple times arrested a few times, but she's done it on her own. I think that when we get to that Sea Rat story, if we do get to that Sea Rat story, that's gonna be a sad one. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah, I think that's I felt Rob's we only got one real Sea Oh yes. Oh yes, yes, yes. Yeah, I think that's gonna be like- I felt Rob's, we only got one real Sea Rat story.

Didn't even chart. Well, we'll get there. We'll see. Deanna, nice guy, Emma and more. I think that, you know, this is where the girls are just so much hotter than the guys and I think it's quite unfair to the women. Yeah.

I think it's unfair to the women. Yeah. So, do you have anything on Cloyce being into the elderly? Because I wanted to get back and come to it, but you just wanted to say that he beats off to granny porn. Well, look, if you're into that category, you should see a therapist. No, no, no, no. We don't kink shame, you know, Kaylin's into granny porn. There's nothing wrong with it. You know, if you want to see I'm not gonna get into it. Well, yeah, I'm not gonna get into that. Mm-hmm

I'm not gonna get into it as far as this Watcher of porn. There's only one more disgusting category than granny Anything that involves slurping something off the floor. Well there are lots of porn that are more disgusting than granny porn. And really, when you have a kink for something, what is and what isn't porn? You know, I mean, people get off the body cam footage, you know what I mean? Oh, that's true. Yeah.

You know, I famously told the story of that that white background with a mason jar and then from the top frame stage top comes You know a scrutal sack and then a man swallows the mason jar with his rectal cavity and it pops in there He starts bleeding. I mean there are people that get off on that stuff and you beat off you beat off the fat Indian chicks That's that's your X and xnxxx.com search. How dare you? So I'm not, we don't kink shame or judge anybody. So the plane tickets get handed at the crew meeting. It's a major, if it's a major thing, come to me.

If it's a minor thing, go to your department heads. Too vague a command for Sea Rats. They'll fuck that up somehow. Also, I love Captain Glenn, but whatever the hell he was saying about give 95% and 5% this way or that way, it didn't make any fucking sense. Daisy starts with her shit. And listen, I know that the interior needs help,

but every season it's this, we need you guys to drop what you're doing and come help us. I think Daisy's bad at her job Yeah, yeah, Daisy's not good at her job. Yeah, she was really bad last season Was she the the stew that someone was like their neck was bleeding from some broken glass and she's like checking on her phone Or something like that. Yeah, don't really remember but that sounds right. Mm-hmm, right So Emma, I like Emma. She embraces the sea rat life missed me with your questions about marriage and children. I'm a pirate. That's more fun. That's right. Yeah, I think I'd get along with Emma the most out of anybody in this book. Me too.

Daisy's not doing second and junior Stu. Good move because hierarchies can be very very damaging to Sea Rats. That's right as we get that look back with little Gabby see, you know Gabriella Barragan see the Balkan biscuits the eyebrow Joe, you know these people just kind of lose it if there's some underling beneath them and It's better to just not so we get some Sea Rat sad story with Keith. Let me break down the game Yes, of course. Okay. So here's Keith's Sea Rat sad story or maybe not born in America raised in Australia and get ready for this revelation his dad wasn't in the picture his mom was a tour guide I guess she breastfed him while

she was on one of those Jurassic Park Jeeps one of those Jurassic Park Jeeps. Shall I continue? That's a spit take if I've ever seen one in my life. Now I'm going to give this a zero on the Sea Rod sad scale. Here's how you're going to bump it up to one. During one of those safaris, a hyena dragged a baby lion cub into the field. And his mother started squirting some of that milk at the hyena distracted him cub got away that's a good story you get a one for that

I'm so sorry. This fucking oatmeal cold of the place. Sea Rat, Sea Rat sad stories will do that to you every time. Yeah, no, we definitely if we're going to get to a one, we have to turn the milk into some kind of protective measure against a wild animal obviously if we're gonna chart dad wasn't in the picture come on it's like that scene in mr and mrs smith where vince von gets the 400 000 hit for angela and joe He's like, I'm going back to sleep. So, okay, regroup. How do we feel about asking a lady what year she was born instead of how old are you? I do it all the time and my wife normally,

that's when an elbow hits me right in the ribs at a cocktail party. Yeah. I also am guilty of asking people how much their house costs. Yeah. Why hates that one too. I'm guilty of that as well. Got a couple friends in escrow right now. I'm like how much? 1.4 and panorama city. I gotta move. So two single ladies. Deanna says rightly so. No one's attractive, but I will succumb to the pressures of these walls closing in on me later in the season. Let's do it. It's the first of the season. It's time for the preference sheet meeting. It's not on Mike, but Kaylin, did you watch the show last night? I did not. I didn't. Okay. I apologize. So, uh, Dr. Contessa and Dr. Scott, we've got this tandem anniversary thing. I was leery of these people, but they're absolutely lovely. Yeah, I think I've seen her before. I think she's done some television. And the only reason I was leery is

because we've got a leather and whip party that we want to do, which is, again, it's weird to me, not kink shaming, but the main reason was is someone named Mona Lisa. I know it's not her fault. Now it's her parents' fault. It's her parents' fault, but that's, oh, well then also the biggest kind of event of the Prefertsheet meeting is that we have the nephew of Bobby Brown. Clearly these people are high profile.

Right. Because just that alone. Yeah. Bobby Brown famous for his singing, even more famous for, I believe, pulling shit out of Whitney. Pulling a turd out of Whitney Houston's asshole. Right. And also killing her.

Well, I mean, would she have gotten into crack if it wasn't for Bobby? Well, some had argued that she got him into the cracky crack. Oh, maybe he got a bad rap. So, uh, Danny's boy crazy. Deanna dropped something about being raided by the FBI. Well, she was working for some of those oligarchy people. Yeah. Those Russians over there.

Yeah. She lost her goddamn job when the FBI seized one of those boats. Right. Honestly, if those Russians, they paid for those boats, I don't understand how the FBI can seize them. I mean, it's kind of their boat. Yeah. I mean, so what? They're connected to

weapons smuggling, drug running, sex trafficking, but it's their boat. Now if I was the attorney, I go, all that can be true. They paid for this boat. Right. Why do you think people pay for boats? They're absurdly expensive. Do you think they pay for them just because they're fun? No, it's supposed to be a get out of jail free card.

Yeah. It's an unbelievably powerful thing, especially in the game of Monopoly. I mean, when you land in jail and you're rolling and you're rolling and you just can't get out, God, you wish you had a yacht. So Cloyce makes scratch made mayonnaise or aioli with Emma. Hey buddy, you're gonna need to use an immersion blender

or just buy a thing of Dukes by the end of the season because you are not going to be scratch making a only there's just no time. And you'll have lost your mind by week five. So let's get to beer with Daisy and Gary. But first, Danny trying to put her finger in Keith's mouth. She says very flirty out of the gate. She says I don't want a little attention I want all of it listen Danny's fun. She says, you know, I've been with so many fuckboys that I've turned into one. I think it's funny

I I again boy crazy is one of the more annoying stereotypes or archetypes Because I just don't think guys are deserving of that. I don't understand why you would dedicate your life to the pursuit of men, but we'll find out what happened on the Sea Rat set at scale. So let's get to Daisy and Gary. Ah, the days of our Sea Rat lives. I wanted to fast forward through this, but my job is to talk about it.

Right. The hack writers of these soap operas who should be replaced by robots, sorry WGA, but these, the people that write soap operas, we can put that into chat GPT. That's right. Okay? They don't need to be unionized. They wouldn't write shit as hacky as this. I couldn't put words into words is something that Gary King said. What are these two even talking about? They hug it out and have a good chance of banging each other again in a couple

of episodes. Daisy says that this isn't going to be the last time that Gary hurts me. Daze, have you ever heard the phrase, it takes two to tango? Why are you putting yourself in a position where he would hurt you? She drives me nuts. Me too. Drives me absolutely nuts. All right, so Dylan I hadn't realized it was a will fast forward to the night I hadn't realized this but this is actually a tradition of this franchise That doesn't take place on the other versions of the show, which is the night before the first charter They all have drinks on the top. I don't know. It's all melding in I think you're wrong about that, but I don't want to put up a fight. Yeah, I've got watch it It's played out. I remember the first time I caught it was with little Gabby and then I watched them do it the next season

It's kind of interesting. It's a get a little bit of a get to know you. Although I'd say a spirited game of merry-fuck-kill is a little presumptive seeing as you don't Know these people yet to base any of your I definitely kill you. Yeah, it's amazing Some of the only groups of smokers left in this world. Or Sea Rats. People who work on oil rigs, beat reporters from the 1970s and Sea Rats. That's pretty much it. They're keeping the entire smoking industrial business. It's still, well, still in business.

Yeah, so, oh, I forgot, small Malaysian children. You ever see that one with that six year old? He's got like 80 cigarettes in his mouth. Yeah, fat kid. Yeah. Yeah. He's dead. I'm sure he is.

So yeah, they're sucking down cigs. We get a game of fuck, marry, kill. I think Danny hatches this just so that she can say who she wants to fuck. Oh, I fuck him. Yeah. We head down into our quarters, unbelievably small, unbelievably small, and we get to the next day. We've got our thong shots and we get to work chopping onions blindfolded.

Cool knife skills, Cloyce. Listen, as much as I want to kind of shit on Cloyce, there's a lot to shit on. He is a bit of a prodigy. Yeah. You're watching his knife skills? Well, his knife skills are quite unbelievable. I mean, he really knows where the knuckle is. But to have been trusted by chefs, to have been someone that people see something in as early as they did in him is impressive. I don't want to sound cynical Dylan, but you know, uh, it wasn't a Sea Rat history,

but he definitely kind of brushed through his recent past. So here's what he said started cooking, uh, at four because his parents were making a breakfast. Well, I guess we'll touch on that later. Uh, he's worked in kitchens through high school. Next thing you know, he's in France working at the oldest restaurant in France, right? Which is just some place that serves steak frites, some undercooked beef, slopped in peppercorn sauce.

Then he's back to New York City and he starts his own catering company. And before you know it, he's a fucking Sea Rat. Right. Something doesn't add up. Something doesn't add up. And it definitely, definitely you know This is where we can open the floodgates and shit on him once again His story of learning how to cook I believe his CV But his story of learning how to cook being that when he was four years old and his parents were nursing their hangovers He started cooking and knew at that age which I don't think people have a lot of cogent memories. That's right.

My first memories are right around then. But they're snapshots. They're not really like, this was the moment that I knew I made a conscious decision that this was gonna be my. That comes much later in life, so he's lying. the moment that I knew I made a conscious decision that this was gonna be my, you know. That comes much later in life, so he's lying. But he does say that he wants to retire before Daisy's disgusting old age.

And he's a bit of a douche, but he's 22 years old. He's very, very young. Same thing with Danny. We gotta give Danny a little bit of credit because she's 23 years old, He's very, very young. You're supposed to be a douche. Same thing with Danny. We gotta give Danny a little bit of credit because she's 23 years old, you know? So the guests arrive. We toast to a vacation that will be ruined by our newest gang of characters.

And we have some candy, unfortunately not Edibles, but we line our shoes up and we serve salmon crostinis with dill cream. Now we've talked about it before. Black people and Jews, both lovers of salmon. I think this was a great move. Espresso martinis are ordered and we hit the open seas. Now Cloyce is very annoying and young, but he's on top of it. He asks a very suitable question. We've got one per- I'm doing surf and turf, right?

Trash. I'm gonna do this trash dinner, but one of the guests named Mona Lisa needs a protein inquiry. So please ask her if she wants chicken. Now this turns into a diner order very, very quickly. Yes. And it's because Daisy's shitty at her job. When Cloyce is told what's transpiring, that he's got four different proteins that he's got to cook, lamb wasn't even on the menu, now it is, everyone wants different temperatures, okay? He's unbelievably cool about it. We've had chefs that would storm out of the kitchen, go upstairs and say, you're going to get a can of corn and Domino brownies and you're going to like it. He was very, very cool about it.

Yeah, well, we'll see how this goes. Of course, we have a cliffhanger at the end. Yes, exactly. So sales go up and things start flying immediately. Davide, Davidell is essentially not on the show right now. No, no, no, that's where the engineers, they're not supposed to be. Right, he's essentially...

You keep them in the bottom of the boat and you just throw them pieces of fucking meat throughout the day. Yeah. I don't want to see you, especially him. Yeah. He has... He looks like he was one of those people fighting in Braveheart and it's after the battle.

Like he's missing pieces of hair. He looks fucked up. I don't want to make eye contact with him. He's very small forearms, but they're very thick. He's a small thick man. How's the coffee? I shouldn't be drinking this. I'm gonna be bouncing off the walls. Yeah yeah yeah. Okay so Glenn dispo... well Davide walks into his and Glenn's cabin and he knocks and And Glenn says, you don't have to knock, this is your cabin.

So sweet. And he's 100% right because Glenn does not melt body parts on the boat. You know, you're not gonna walk in and see the head of a sex worker that Glenn is just trying to bag, you know, in the bunks. He does that off ship. So yeah, Glenn is Glenn is

amazing. He's completely comes amazing on the boat. It's like a serial killer. He never brings the body parts backwards children sleep, you know, I mean, be stupid of him. Well, wouldn't just be stupid. It would be disrespectful to your family into the craft and the head. Yeah, right. That head. He owns a hole out in the woods. Yeah, we just learned I just learned this year That you can be charged with abuse of a corpse

Kalen do you know you can be charged with abuse of a corpse I Figured yeah that that would be a thing. Yeah, but it's dead. You should get to do wherever you want with it Remember I told Bob the gay dwarf after he said Patty do you ever think you and I will get together? I said absolutely not you repulse me, but after I, do you ever think you and I will get together? I said, absolutely not. You repulsed me. But after I'm dead, you can have sex with my body. I'm a giving person. And then he went, of course, ratted me out

at that Tupperware party and told everybody I didn't work. And a Tupperware party is you put your keys in Tupperware and then everybody takes this piece of Tupperware and then they all fuck each other? It's like how it sounds. People buy Tupperware to put like green beans in and your leftovers. Oh, okay.

Like the ones that they rolled over in a Polly and Dynamite? That kind of thing? I think so. Okay. So, Danny and Keith, she is one of the horniest people I've ever seen on this show. I can't tell if she's putting it on just for the cameras.

I don't know. Well. She says, I want to be lifted up and thrown around like a tender. Tenders don't have nerve endings. I mean what is this? WrestleMania? You can get thrown against a wall? Is that sexy? So I saw this commercial while we're watching it for a quick break to talk about the state of Hollywood. I saw this commercial for a movie called Here. Here. Have you seen this? No.

It's a movie about a couple that takes place in one room and you see their growth over their marriage but it just takes place in one room. Oh an old patty and sign it up for that. That sounds like a real snore fest. Yeah that sounds like a play to me. Yeah it is a play. I'm not gonna see that. We've seen a lot of movies a lot of plays translated to film and they're all for the most part fucking horrible. This movie is going to be so bad and you can tell immediately from the trailer because the two people that star and we'll get back to below deck in a second but with us watching it live we're gonna have something to say about the commercials you know this movie is starring a a digitally de-aged Tom Hanks

and Robin Wright. Oh interesting. So not this is how Hollywood works right so we've got this pile of shit but it's it's a cute elitist kind of four-walled play idea that we want to make a movie out of but nobody's gonna go see it so we gotta get some big names but it's not just big names we have to trick people into thinking that this is gonna be their forest and Jenny kind of alternate universe That's how we're gonna get people into the theater. So don't go see here. No, no That's gonna be up for an Oscar though Yeah, yeah screenwriting maybe so let's get to dinner which was only going to be a disaster

this poor child has to cook for Yeah, screenwriting maybe. So let's get to dinner, which was only going to be a disaster. This poor child has to cook for, he has to cook four different proteins and a bunch of different temperatures. He's bringing Michelin star service to a front of house that is, it has Daisy, you know, as the expediter and he, he has no idea what's going on. To add insult to injury while all this is going on, the saddest thing, Glenn sitting there with that air fryer bucket of cold potatoes,

it's just, how could this go any other way? The chef suggests that you, okay, so we've got all these plates, something's not right, they've miscounted the protein. I don't know how that happens. That's a major fuck up. It is, but I think it's on Daisy. So they're missing a protein somewhere, so they've got to run plates up. Daisy says, start suggests that you start eating no he didn't he never said

that he just said run these up and Daisy who somehow has been doing this for such a long time and is still so bad at a job says the chef just puts it on the chef and says start eating in front of the guests that don't have their food. What in God's name are you thinking? They might want to pray together before they eat. Then the temp on one of the meats is not well or medium, whatever. That's got to get brought back down. And we get a talking head where Daisy puts the entirety of this disaster, this 50 car pile up on Cloyce, which is lacking so much self-awareness that I'm confused as to how it could even come out of your mouth.

Getting the iTunes ratings and reviews, five stars, kind words, join us at patreon.com slash another podcast network for Love is Blind and Salt Lake City. We'll be back next week with more. I'm Dylan saying goodbye, Pat say goodbye. Later dudes!