Another Below Deck Podcast - Please Unpack My Dildos | Below Deck Med S7 E14

Episode Date: October 11, 2022

Dylan, Nick and Pat are back to break down figs, Guy Fierri, the efficiency of a good photographer, BDSM, dungeons, Kelly Rowland and how she's Kyle, sea rat punctuality and even more from Bravo's Below Deck. OUR NEW SHOW BAD TV IS LIVE! - Subscribe right here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-t-v/id1193077828The full season of Below Deck Down Under recaps is ALREADY available only on our Patreon at https://Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkAlso available is our coverage of Below Deck Sailing and Love is Blind seasons 1 and 2 for both shows!Check out our merch!https://anothermerchstore.comThis show is part of the Spreaker Prime Network, if you are interested in advertising on this podcast, contact us at https://www.spreaker.com/show/5727246/advertisement

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Decatur vehicle drives through home and finally Decatur's spice is being laced with fentanyl. DECATER VEICLE DRIVES THROUGH HOME AND FINALLY DECATER SPICE IS BEING LASED WITH FETNAL. The efficiency that the people of DECATER can churn out sadness is really, really unbelievable. Well I'd argue that while you only read four new stories, at least three of them were were deeply connected with Fetnel. Hello and welcome aboard to another brand spanking episode of where you going? Oh, yeah, good turn that off. What's it? Show another pot below deck podcast. I'm Dylan salad up next one real Nicholas Davis. Oh, hey, matey. Pat proves podcasts over there behind my glasses. Hey, great to be here. Great to be here early. Yeah, because we had a big interview. Yeah, we had scheduled an interview with a C-Rat, and when you schedule interviews with C-Rats, there is a 97% chance of them being asleep, stuck on the side of the road, in some kind of drug den, or a lie to cover up the drug den. It is a marvel that we have gotten to speak to any of these people.

I'm still waiting on my bingo card to hit a sleep on the side of the road and the drug. Right, right, right, right. But anyways, we love Kyle. We will talk to him maybe. As the audience knows, I love you guys to submit questions. The barnacles, right, nick did a nice little post, hey, we're having Kyle on.

Hey, barnacles, you gotta write in questions that I can actually answer. I can't have, I can't have Kyle come on here and go, hey, someone still wants to know are you a top or a bottom? You know, how's he gonna answer that? Or, hey, ask him, what do you think's about being a big dickhead?

How am I supposed to frame that question? Yeah, that one's definitely a no-go. The other one I think he could answer but could be offended by that. To be be honest i think they're both great and that's exactly what we use you guys for so you can ask the questions were to afraid to so don't hold back right if it's too much we won't use it i don't slap their hands it makes me uncomfortable uh... well yeah it's not as asking the question so

uh... moving on to public service announcements uh... new show bad bad TV, great show, bad TV. We've got a new season of Netflix's Love Is Blind, one of the most pathetic reality television shows ever created. Coming up soon, that's going to be a lot of fun. We've covered the after the altar special, which if you haven't seen it is three hours wherein broken people go to New Buffalo, Michigan for one night to fight with one another. Wonderful TV. I enjoyed it.

People really enjoy it. Yeah. Did you mention that it's free? Just in your Apple podcast. I didn't. Go there. Subscribe. It's caution nothing.

Bad TV. Bad TV. Go subscribe now. Hit pause now and go subscribe to bad TV. Hey, uh, one One other plug if you don't mind. Yeah, yeah, I guess below decks throwing another one of those little side shows or Companion what would you call law spin off spin off? Yeah, I'm an idiot below deck basically in the Antarctic ocean I don't know why the fuck is where is it? I don't know It's in the Arctic Ocean Iceland below deck adventure will be covering exclusively at patreon.com such another podcast network and then in four months when Bravo Played it on Bravo. We will release it for free

But you will have already made money off of you guys and then we'll set a sell ads on it a little peak behind the curtain How we think that's how we think you don't want to be four weeks behind go to patreon.com So a four months four months. That's like an eternity. It's an eternity. It's 2022 things move too fast last PSA This is a quick one. Oh, yes on prop 27. Yeah, California. God. We haven't hit that was that yours I hate both sides of that so much so I'm not voting Well, that's vote. Yes. Yeah, we can't have that kind of apathy. We need you to make a stance. Okay.

You sound like a Gen Zier. You can make a change path. Last public service announcement. I really need you guys to get in those iTunes ratings interviews. I hope you're on Spotify, hit five stars, walkway. It's very, very easy. But the reason why we need you to do that is because I would imagine there are a lot of you out there

who love the show. You know, this is me. I listen to lots of shows that I don't they've reviews for. But I'm asking you to not do that. Don't be apathetic because we need you to balance out some of these insane reviews that we're getting from fucking lunatics.

Like, K-I-P-Hasel, who writes, Dylan's filthy below the belt cussing is distracting. Additionally, shame on you, Dylan, talking about Pat's partner was incredibly vile, removing their bad. Now, one, no clue what the fuck you're talking about. Almost, I mean, no idea. The cussing I get, yeah, Pat and I have been me and you talked to you about your cussing. Well, I thought maybe they screw it up with me. Maybe it was an episode where I was talking

bad about my wife. She thinks I'm Dylan. No, remember when we talked about Dylan's cussing? Oh, right. Yeah, We're sorry. Fed up. Yeah. So don't be a fucking insane person. And go to our iTunes ratings reviews and leave hateful musings scratched in the walls because they're irreversible. They're just there.

These crazy people have power over me and I don't like it. So we need you to counterbalance that. Hey, get lend a hand to Dylan. Come come on let him sleep easier at night get us up to fifteen file about pat's wife removing his bed what the fuck are you talking about you lunatic sign up for another podcast show and hear what pat says about his wife oh i got a doozy on this next episode uh... the wife woke up uh... last week and in the morning walked in and and uh... told me

that hey uh... we're not redoing the kitchen So that was if you listen to APS I have been I've had a renovation going on in my house I walk around in my boxers in front of strangers every morning actually you know what I know them all their friends But they have tool belts on and there's very loud ranchero music and I basically get Orange Juice out of my refrigerator in front of 20 people. You guys gotta hear APS, so that's the point. I can't wait for the next one actually. The lore of this kitchen remod, e-mix.

Kitchen remod. Well, I mean, specifically this one. So that's it for us. We gotta get in the show and we have to begin our coverage with pots and knots. Nick, where you go first? Despite the run out, the clock situation, I enjoy this episode and a lot of it as we talked about, it's, it's new blood. I mean, he's insignificant to plot lines, but man, did he increase my entertainment of this episode? I have

him, of course, talking about Roll Tide, read Jenkins, wow, superstar MVP of the episode, 93 knots. I'm going to go next if you don't mind. Sure. Love the episode. A lot of fighting, a lot of fighting. That's a lot of fun. And also, we have, you know, these kinds of guests are not entertaining, but they are yucky in like a yummy way. Like you're looking at it, you're going, what is going on here? I believe a direct quote from this episode was, um, could you spread your legs more, please?

Right, right, right. So the co-prime, primary Eric. Yeah. So listen, women of course have agency to do whatever they please. But when I'm watching it, I think, oh, this is sad. And I think this guy Fieri rip off character who thinks figs are born of wasp carcasses, we'll get into it. Is a fucking creep.

93 pots, great episode. Go ahead. All right, Dylan, I like the episode a lot because the exact opposite reasons you didn't like it Eric is a fucking wonderful right right and you know I love the premise of these old fox who think that because they're paying for a vacation They're gonna get to have sex with 22-year-olds right because that's that's the bar the the barter here, right? And it's totally disgusting and I have a question sex with 22 year olds. Because that's the barter here, right? And it's totally disgusting.

And I have a question, where are these photos going? This photo shoot, who's it for? And what publication are they going to be printed on? And why are you taking 700? You don't need that many, right? You don't need that many looks. Honestly, that's the sign of a bad photographer. Like just using digital cameras to their max

and just, that's nothing. You have a shot you're looking for, okay? That's how you can tell he's just a hobbyist. And that's the best thing you could say about. He's actually just a creep. But definitely not called one take Eric. Okay. Not like Jay, let me see your asshole. Anyway, anyway, I had a really good time.

This is pretty gross people and I thoroughly enjoyed it. And I'm also happy to see an end to the storm Natalia romance, which was never a thing ever. But we'll talk about it. So we begin with a very sad Zee and a very angry storm who is the real victim here. He's spent his childhood friend's face and after all that Yucky, Zee's wiped all that Yucky off, he goes to comfort storm who is kind of flying off the handle. I fucking gained a ton of respect back for storm here. I'm not a poos. He sounded

like Jonah from summer high tie. Yeah. I really appreciated. I'm not a poos. He sounded like Jonah from Summer Heights High. Yeah. I really appreciated. Exactly. I really appreciated the Vicheryl, and he's got to do that in front of the tell you. That'll get our hot and bothered. And she really likes to show Summer Heights High. I should just post a meme with Mr. G, and I was like, I love that show.

She said it's the best, and we're going to date. I'm sorry Pat. X to C. X to C. E-E-E-E-E-X to C. And I really quickly, let's talk about the warm wood you have in that bottle. Oh, sure. X to C, X to C, E, E, E, E, X to C. Now really quickly, let's talk about the wormwood you have in that bottle.

Oh, sure. Could you hold that up to the camera really? In the cup, no, no, no, the bottle is what I'm actually concerned about. Now this is a, what make of wine is that? Well, this is a pino greasio, but I actually just grabbed an empty bottle to make my little concoction, which is what? Well, I'm a mixologist as I talked to you. I just like to have fun in the kitchen. Yeah, all right. Yeah, it's have fun

Yeah, uh, this is a little Pinot New War from a vineyard vineyard roblaw up in Sanya's Valley That's about off a quarter of this a little grapefruit juice right little OJ had a little splash of that there Yeah, and then for just for a little shits and giggles, I put a little Pinot Greasy in there. Oh, got it. Yeah, oh, it ants some champagne because I like the bubbles. Oh, okay. Right, you want the Frankenstein.

You want the effervescence, right? Yes, yes, yes. Wow, what a beautiful, beautiful thing you've done. Would you like to try it? Maybe you'd like it. Absolutely not. So, let's move on. Sure.

I took on bridge with something that Nick had said. Yeah. Nick, you can go ahead and date Natalia. I broke up with her last week. Okay, sir, so we have nothing to do with each other, and I dumped her first, so I have added. Okay, good, you can't be mad at me, you can't be mad at me. You just said, you gave me permission. That's a good point.

Even though that's broco, even when they give permission, I shouldn't do it, but I'm going to. Yeah, that's true. That's the only time bros are passive aggressive. Hey, a couple more notes on this Z interaction. Yeah, I don't want to move on from the Z interaction. I just don't progress through it. So, Storm is screaming in a very Spartan kind of way

about how he's going to just do anchor watch all night and get back to work. And then sort of like a SNL sketch, these two sneaky's just walk out of the bathroom and play it cool. You guys have microphones on. You guys have been screaming at each other. Yes, yes, yes.

I would like to remind the audience that of course it was the tail end of the last episode in which Zee got passed over for a promotion and then five minutes later he's comforting a person who did that to him. He's one of the kindest souls on reality TV possibly. Yeah, plan at earth. Have you ever pondered what it would be like to enter the refined lucrative career of aquarium cleaning? Because if you have, old Patty has an opportunity for you. Yeah, absolutely. All right, so Z says that it's really strange

that he's comforting storm wall being in a state of profound disappointment. He, you know, just that going your sediments, he's just such a sweet guy. We gotta get him on, we gotta talk to him. So, I think this is a little bit of a meanwhile. Natasha, can you yell it? Meanwhile?

Natasha interrupts all the tension by talking about how delicious the food is and then storm heads back to go confide in his buddy who he just fired. Jason. And then we get back to the table, the onion breath, Dave and Natasha. Just one little note, just because Storm, there's probably like three episodes left, but it's never too late to have a new nickname for someone. He's old man of the sea. He's such a boring

old Seedog. Yeah, boy. Well, don't call him Seedog, though. Well, okay. All right. Well, he's just a, you know, this workaholic that needs to go back, by the way, I don't want you doing storm watch. You've had a couple cocktails in you, you bastard. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're flying off the head, oh man. Yeah, yeah, man.

All right, anyway, that was a pointless interjection. No, no, no, no, no, it's important to note that. And I don't care if you're teaching my son about fishing and taking him in your skiff. It's weird that you're an old man hanging out with him. Stay away from my child. Yep, really good point too. So Natasha spoke last week with a little wink and a damaged smile about how the work comes first,

but that she might not be able to resist the comfort with Dave. This week, she is walking alone in the piss soaked streets of Malta in Dave's vans, saying the exact same thing. Before they started walking through the streets, while she was crying, they were in the bathroom and Kyle was consoling her. Well, as long as we're there, I will say he, this was such an odd interaction between the two. They definitely care for each other. As Tosh is crying, Kyle comforts her, and he says, you need to get off the man train. And just then, I believe Kyle pauses in thought. Hmm, man trained.

Oh Frank, well good luck with that guy thing, good talk. Okay, so I did think that Tosh was very, very lucky to have Kelly Roland come down into this dungeon and make her feel better. She is crying about how she doesn't want men in her life and he says that's very silly, you'll lose your immortality. All jokes aside, he does tell her that she need not a man to complete her and that she has a lot going on. And I wish that any of that were true.

I really, really do. Why lie to the girl? But she'll get there. She'll wipe this not often, progress forward to rock bottom, and then make changes. Okay, so. One thing, what got us here of her crying was,

in fact, when she did a FaceTime call, we have yet to see this other broken soul. And that's when dangerous a date. And I believe it was intentional. Off about three feet from her Face timing where their quote-unquote Dogs, but it was the boyfriend right says come on come on come on. It's like yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Come on. I better not be saying hey who you texting over there. I'm not where my wife But it definitely in past relationships and I'm up to no good and then the boyfriend says go fuck yourself yourself

Yeah, yeah, Dave's like hey, hey, Josh Tosh, why aren't you paying attention to me? It's your good old friend Dave. He's lumbering and insistent in this moment. And she tells him no numerous times. Finally, he departs. And it would seem this short time speaking to Dave has sent her pissant boyfriend into the grumpy zone.

And he tells her to fuck off. That is when she begins, I mean, a really, really giving it a go. Before all of this, just a backtrack a bit, we've got a bit of a mutiny in the vans brewing. Courtney and Z are talking about how Tosh weirds them the fuck out. And Courtney goes so far as to say that

Natalia and Kyle would do a better job running home. Wow. Yucky stuff. I always love that. And I also love how the C-rats, you know, in and out of the fans and head now to a club. I mean, it's only 14 hours before paying customers are arriving. But, you know, it's time to get bottle service and make bad decisions till 4th. 100% and speaking of bottle service and bad decisions,

nah, not a great segue. I want to talk about Z because Z entering the club, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, you know, everybody's having a good time and Z has a moment at a kind of emotional toll booth. He says that Courtney's happiness needs to take precedent over his disappointment this evening because that is the most important thing going on. I want to be this evolved. I wish that I had this kind of dominion over my emotions.

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I'm magic mine. It's magic mine. It's an anti-procrastination juice that will make you hum like a zen master throughout your entire day. Can I say something that might come off is insulting to our listenership? Absolutely.

At this point, we've been pitching this magic mine for I think a year. You're a fucking idiot. If you don't buy this right now, just buy it once. It will fix your life. It's fixed multiple people in my life I throw those people's cars at them. I threw my own car. I nearly killed that guy. Right. So do you want superpowers or not? You fucking idiots. I mean my god was the Buddha on Adderall? No, he was on magic mind go to magic mind. and you're in promo code Sandy. They get 20% off and free shipping, go do it. And we do have to use, say it in the simplest terms,

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To get 15% off your order. Okay, do you want the air? Do you want the Eva? Do you want the Loub? Do you want the sexy? Go to DameProducts.com. Use promo code below deck. He does say that substance abuse is gonna aid him in that,

which is, you know, but we can't all be perfect, you know. Self-awareness that he needs acceptance. 100%. So he's just, he's such a sweet dude. It's just unbelievable how good-hearted he is. Happy is drunk of all time. Nothing can throw him off his his party racquet time jeez he gets embouze yeah no he just turns into one of those eastern island

heads you know they're not yeah they're rather static they're not making anybody a man we talk about the movie a lot but I just I haven't see that's that's Marlon Brando dr. Morrell uh... no that you're thinking of the movie Hop, where in Russell Brand plays a little bunny who wants to be a professional drummer and not pick up the mantle of his father, the Easter bunny?

Oh yeah, I was thinking of Hop. Hey, Z, once again, just throwing this out here, have you ever thought of entering the high paced fast, fast, fulfilling industry of aquarium detailing? Hit old patio, like Patrick Hickey at 500. So is that my handle? I don't know what these things are. Who knows?

God who knows. So we get some more Sierra history with Natasha, more on her being serially unsingual, but a chilly sprinkling of something. She says that she always makes the people she's in a relationship feel so loved, which cannot be true, right? Because it takes two to tango, dude. Yes, true love is most often reciprocated. True love is made true by its dance with the other half of the heart. You know, this is what Christians speak

of when they speak of the, what is it, the triforce? God loves Jesus, Jesus loves him, and there's a Holy Spirit between them. You know, yeah, all of the stuff's got to dance with one another, and I feel like her relationships have kind of more of a spider catching something kind of vibe to it. You know, the fly's not in love with the arachnid, it's scared.

Quick air is in a mission, God is Jesus, Jesus is the Holy Spirit, Jesus is God, Jesus is, God is the Holy Spirit, God is God, and Holy Spirit is the Holy Spirit. So it's just, I agree. And the Holy Ghost is what a Kanye West album or something? It says different vernacular for the Holy Spirit. Okay, so we get back to the boat

and we wait for the next day, which if you're forgot, is a big day. Courtney is now the lead deck hand for three days, which is cool and also sad because she does not extend the same empathy that Z extends to her. She's almost disinterested in how he feels. I don't want to be too hard on her, but it just is, you know, she didn't go out of her way to be mean or anything. She was just like, I think he's fine. Maybe not but Yeah, he's he's gonna be fine So Sandy tells the crew that they're going to have another one of those sitting on the dock of the bay charters and then Natalia and Kyle

Begin their ninth or tenth round of what is sure to be a twelve round bout. I can't keep track of where we are really. Got a name for an Natalya now. I just call her Nat, because she's like a little bug flying around. Wow, you guys really have fallen out. Well, you know, once again, the relationship was too steamy, too hot to maintain that kind of heat.

Of course, it had to cool down at some point. Natalya, let me know, sorry, Nat, let me know if you're feeling the same way, you know. Whoa, whoa, what are you doing? She's gonna commit a relationship with somebody. Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing, man? You're looking at the camera with a little smirk,

talking about her hitting you up, you're not in relationship. Yeah, we just kinda, I, I asked you like a, like a man-to-man. Right. And now you come crawling back into the picture. You just said it was, it was mostly physical between you two. Yeah, bro to bro. He's Billy Eichner, you're the other guy. Wait till she hears this pass.

You believe that asshole? Hey, you guys all suck you a bunch of homophobic bastards. Hey, Billy Eichner, maybe you ever hear of a little thing called name recognition? No one knows who you fucking are. And by the way, the poster that $32 million of promotion you fucking prick, it's of your ass. No one knows who the fuck you are. That's why no one showed up to see you in the movie. It's either a homophobic idiot. We need to talk about it. Oh, I got to get hot. We'll talk about this on another podcast. A lot of people know Billy. Yeah,

now I don't have to go see his offerings, but they could name him. Yes. I'll watch it on cable. Yeah, no, I'm excited. I like when he yells at people for a dollar or something. Right, right, right. Yeah, no, my favorite pilliacan moment was when that woman turned around and started screaming at him. Four kids, honey. Okay, look it up.

So, Kyle and Natalia flame each other a bit. Natalia admits to having multiple personality disorder and then we head to the docking. Jason departs, not a lot of pop, not a lot of circumstance. He's got a classic. Hannah Ferrier was fired. But, um, any pilot like that. Just that when he was talking about like how emotional he was getting, like, you could tell production didn't like this guy either. They basically put Benny Hill music behind him like if that would have had sad music you'd be like oh my god

Jason's leaving but instead you're like I don't know that I would have because he checks in with his emotions kind of in like a dumber kind of way like it was really weird how he's like oh I can feel the emotion coming now but I'm telling you all you need is a fucking robot refrigerator you to felt differently. That's true music is very very powerful They had you didn't even notice they had Benny Hill playing in the background Okay, so we've got to move on storm David and Natasha get down to the galley It's time for a preface jay man tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt It's like the hot chip. It's always fun to just kind of have on fireball fireball fireball. Okay

You bought a fireball I think a fireball. I mean it's absolute trash. It's like anti-freeze and whiskey but Christmas Anyways primaries Jonathan to pass and Lloyd Eric Cotson Hoatson Co-primary Chartergu. Jonathan is a personal trainer and Los Angeles and loves traveling the world. He's excited to meet his group of friends and fitness clients together for a fitness retreat with luxury.

Jonathan is thrilled to spend sunrise to sunset with his clients eating healthy and keeping fit. He wants to spend his time being extremely active with games, hikes, and workout classes. Eric is one of Jonathan's clients and best friend for over 15 years. He is joining as a cold primary and is funding the entire group's trip. He's a Malibu-based entrepreneur who is successfully retired at the age of 59. Oh my god.

I gotta talk about, I might talk about this on APS. Drove out to Malibu yesterday. It's just like, what are you doing? What do you mean? What are you doing living out there? Oh, I hate it out there. It's just, it's not Los Angeles. It's completely different. It's, it's always cloudy.

That was gonna be my thing. It's always fucking cloudy. I think you're going to Malibu. You think you're going to the beach. No, Malibu Barbie's got the top up because it's a little chilly. Yeah, it burns off eventually, but far too late in the day,

and also PCH is, you know, Do you know how many people die a year on PCH? Do you know how many people die a year on PCH? There's no cell service. If it's rush hour, you're just crawling along. There's nothing practical about it. Let's go to dinner. Oh, do you want to go to the one of the three?

Four, yeah. Super expensive restaurant. It's just sucks.. Oh, do you want to go to the one of the three super expensive restaurant? It just sucks. Eric is also a huge flightboard fan and is hoping to get plenty of time with one in the water Both Eric and Jonathan have been previous charter. Yes two years ago Tom Malia's boyfriend he was the chef and her eager to return for some service. Eric and Jonathan will be accompanied by Jonathan's quote-unquote clients, Diane and Hannah. BFFs that travel together when paid for. And I don't want to, like, it sounds like I'm disparaging these women. Eric and Jonathan are their unvocation.

Diana and Hannah, they're doing real work on this boat. The real work is sex work, but it's real work. Yeah. I saw them on that fish and seats there. Yeah, that's work, man. Diana's drink of choice is Jameson Whiskey. So speaking my language, and she is very particular about cleanliness.

She has to have her cabin spotless at all times, which will become an issue later when it's asked to be cleaned and no one cleans. Hannah is a model and enjoys everything for pair of sailing, snorkeling, to water slides. Also joining is John, another fitness client, as well as real estate, as well as a real estate developer and massive foodie. He lives extravagant food based travel and is looking forward to having a private chef on call. Amanda and Brett also models Are all about staying healthy and only eating

Brett likes gin and Amanda's a dominatrix and they're good. They want a dominatrix party That was like really the big take away and then Natasha acted like she didn't know what it was Yeah, yeah, yeah, so Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum that concludes What is BDSM Natasha asks? You gotta be kidding. You gotta be kidding me. I guess when you're, you put men through that much pain so naturally, you know, you're research other ways.

It's technically the same thing. Right, you don't need a nine tail. You don't need to look like the gimp from pulp fiction. You know, you build the same thing. So, um, Natasha also says something in the midst of this preference sheet meeting that kind of, you know what, Harlan Williams drinks that piss and dumb and dumber?

Yeah, kind of did one of those to me. She says that people equate yachts with luxury and class in juxtaposition to the BDSM and kind of blow job shots. Low job shots. The things they'reM and kind of blowjob shots. I think I know where this might be going. Yeah, that's where I was gonna go. Oh, just the Smurf blowjob shots, because I was also talking about when she brought out her own

vibrator till now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. So the luxury in class that you're speaking of is not on this vessel. No doubt, right? So let's get to the new deck hand coming aboard. This character's name is Reed Jenkins. He introduces himself with first and last and always spooky,

but he does it to Sandy so little bit of a pass, but always spooky. I love this guy, you know, in like cartoons, specifically it happened in Hey Arnold. They meet like their cousin from a rural area. That's how I felt with Reed. Right. He's hillbilly Nick. I really like this guy. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a fan. And also the name Jenkins is just funny to me all the time. There is a high school. Yeah, made famous by World of Warcraft. Oh really? Jenkins, Lee Roy Jenkins. Oh, yeah, that's true. Lee Roy Jenkins. That's a great clip for early viral clip. I don't know Pat doesn't know about Lee Roy Jenkins. I don't play games. Yep. What are you fucking real housewife? I all I

But there's a high school near me and it was three cities combined because they couldn't have their own high school It's Galesville after I can tremolo and they had this star basketball player and his name was forest Jenkins Oh my god. Oh my god. Forest Jenkins was incredible. That is such a great man. I like that enforced. So he is a good old southern boy. So Kyle. Oh and they call it get high G-E-T. Get high. Oh got it. and they called it get high gt get high oh god it um you know kiles killing it with the gay and case charm mhm but i don't think he's interested

uh... no no and he might think you're deserving of something eternal but who knows he's from uh... what what is this place called decatur alabama which uh... did a quick goog uh... just the city name and four news articles popped up from the last 24 hours. 18 Wheeler overturns at River Bridge, causing delay. Decatur officer involved in shooting at pharmacy. Decatur vehicle drives through home and finally, Decatur's spice is being laced with fentanyl.

All within the last 24 hours, and I know you're thinking, oh, well, you know, do a Google on Los Angeles. And I did, we have the, you know, the eviction moratorium, which is sad, but also it's been kind of a long time. So, pay your rent. Good. Yeah. We have our stabings, maybe a car chase or four,

but there are 14 million people here. So the efficiency that the people of Decatur can churn out sadness is really, really unbelievable. Well, I'd argue that while you only read four news stories, at least three of them were deeply connected with fentanyl. Right, right, right. A car going through a house. How do you think that happens?

Fentanyl, right? Yeah. Now listen, like a truck, a trucker. What do you think that has to do? Alabama Arkansas Louisiana Mississippi. The mud stays. I learned about Decatur from ludicrous. Uh, really? I'm sure it's yeah. He knows the song. I know. Decatur. And then there's another one he says in Saturday too. But that was the one really one that would stuck out in my I can't think of the song. He knows it. He know. Hey, uh, one on note again. One the song. He knows it. He knows it. Hey, one on No Play Gays.

One note on this. Hey, it's shut up. Hey, this read character. He's gonna look in, got a nice bod. Means well, talks too much. Also looks just like Colver. Do you catch that? Yeah. Colver vibes. Very Colver.

I don't know if they all just kind of look alike all that inbreeding down there with that trash, you know? But Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or if he is in fact relative of culvert from a blow deck down under. I actually thought he looked like Tom. Toby Keith, what was his character you had? I thought it looked like Tom, the chef,

but then also hillbilly me. No, yeah, what was the character's name? It was something like... In what? Keith Urban or something. An entertainment officer when he put on his mullet and he was like transformed into somebody. Who cares?

Right, yeah, great question. So let's get to Natalia and Storm. It's really sad seeing these two that weren't anything ever break up. You know, it's like a, it's like a fistar explodes, but it was never a star. Right. That analogy, but what I'm trying to say is, why are they breaking up? I mean, you know, they didn't, I think they maybe kissed once, maybe twice. Little cuddly. Maybe if we ever get to talk to one of them, we can, I was going to say,

ask about their sex life, but that might not be a good idea. Well, hey, you know what, Haley Whittle and Robert Brown, right, always there to ask a question. Ah, the great man. Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh man. Hey, Robert had a banger on Facebook, God, I don't know. I could remember, I was like, good for you, Bob. He's fucking funny, but man, he, he,

I know he's not. He watches, he waits to watch it on Bravo. The man does not like subscription services. He won't sign up for peacock, he won't sign up for Patreon. He's a very old man. You know what's the agreement? During the pandemic,

that's when I think he found us or whatever. So I'm looking at my Facebook scroll and below deck and I had said something about Captain Lee and I called Captain Lee a loser. Yeah, he said, this is on Father's Day, Bob took some time too. I said, Mr. Hickey, you're a loser. And I said, Bob, it's father's day.

Right. So listen, everything is amicable because storm is, what did I say, is in work drive vibe. Yeah, this will not affect my work as he kicks a messenger into a bottomless pit. Great attitude when you go through a breakup storm. He, keep at it. So I love storm. I really took a 180 on it.

We've got more problem. What's it all to say? You're supposed to throw yourself into your work to get over a relationship. You're not supposed to throw yourself into work in ruining a relationship. He's got into his head about being that boasting thing. Yeah, well, I mean, he's got the Persians to fight.

So, Zerxes is right around the corner. We've got more problems with provisions. I need to speak to a C-Rat about this because I don't understand. This is multi. This is a question from a C-Rat for Kyle, by the way. I don't understand episode title, 100%. I don't understand how,

I don't understand which narrator is the reliable one here. I don't get if Natalia is just flying off a handle or if Natasia is losing her mind, ordering 75 bottles of wine. I just don't know enough about the industry. I can answer that. Wine generally is the guess. They order that and they pay for that separately.

So those 80 bottles are there. So if you remember, a simple chalk came on here. He was pissed when he found out they bought all that booze and simple chalk and aerica rose left and they found out they were drinking their booze and that angered him. One of many things that angered. Right, because they're not wealthy. So leaving behind booze they paid for is heart breaking to them because they wanted to take as much as they could with them.

And by the way maybe I do like these guests because they have 80 bottles of wine. They're only going to be on the boat for three days. I was doing the math on that. That's like four bottles a person, which is why I don't think that's the case. Like I don't know pun intended. I don't think that Natalia would flip out over Natasha ordering what the guests ordered. Hey Pat. Yes.

You've been out to Wabu, Gabu, Grill this week. No, I'm not going there anymore because you know what? Because I'm a big to-do over there. Green Chef sent me my f***ing box of- You can't curse during the green chef for you though. It had three different meals in there. I had a turkey thing that I made. I had an all-beef thing and a vegetarian thing. Oh wow. Me and the wife made it. Oh my father-in-law came over

Ruby. He actually made the turkey thing. I'm really happy for you. It's just a long copy. So we should get to it. Sure. Yeah. But it is nice that you and your family are healing. Well that's what it's all about. We're supposed to not be ordering food from California fish grow. We're supposed to be making meals and sharing it around the table sharing stories I think personal endorsement done did your wife deceitfully try to put it in the kitchen but now there's no kitchen which I think it has helped everything we haven't heard the story listen another package yeah but then you can heal also by going to Judy was boring hello then, then Judy discovered chumba casino.com.

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Rothis! You know what? It's become kind of chuggy to love fall. Yeah. And that's because the things people are obsessed with fall are awesome. Cozy sweaters. Gilmore girls. All of that. And my new fall obsession actually. Sider. No, my new new Rothies that I just got. Rothies. It's because of all the head turning. It's the perfect thing to walk around in the park with your loved one with the cozy sweater. Pat is laughing, but I am told to talk about fall. Hey, Pat, hey, dummy. Has anybody ever come up to you and gone?

Are those Rothies? No, but last week when I was in Scyder. Because haven't been wearing them. That's why. Happened to me every time. But we were saying that last week I was in sun haven't been wearing them. That's why happened to me. It happens to me every time What were you saying? Well last week I was in a 7-Eleven Someone's a couple zombie saw me wearing my raw teeth. They tried dragging me out. Yeah, all right. Let's hit that promo code

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the ultimate daily nutritional insurance. There's something going on. And they did plant the seed that she was a bad provisional, but we've talked about this far too long. Yes, we have. So, C. Red, history with Reed, he's like a sitcom character, you know. The guy who can't help but put his foot in his mouth. I was thinking like, what kind of jokes are you making, dude?

He seems really worried about what he's going to say to people. It cannot be worse than kicking off a meal by saying, you know, he doesn't have to. That's true. I have no doubt he's not funny, but he doesn't know who he's following. I mean, you don't have to do much to beat what Jason was doing. Yes. He was saying some vile thing.

But it turns out that he is looking like he's going to be a Jason type character. We'll see what happens next week. So Provision Gate continues and it really comes to an episode nine of a Game of throne season kind of head. I mean, this is a real unceasing. Natalia and Natasha just go after one another and it was very yummy, but it did have kind of a dude's sweet quality to it where they just yelled back and forth. You're shouting. I'm not shouting. You're shouting. I'm not shouting. This sounds like

What it would be in my house on a Friday. Yeah between my wife and I That's what this sounds like now. I'm not gonna say anything vile about you moving your bed or anything right what the fuck is wrong with you Do you understand the permanence of your dumb words? Yeah. Hey, look, you stay out of what Dylan says about my wife and me. My relationship is with me. I just say anything about his wife. Or they're bad. What are you talking about? You fucking werewolf.

Pat's relationship with his wife is between those two, Dylan, me and our 1300 Patreon subscribers and anybody who happens to listen to the free version of another podcast. That's right. 100% it's a very small circle. So fuck off KPH Hazel. All right, we've got serious trouble in paradise, okay. I have to say your XTV girlfriend and your current TV girlfriend is not-

Hey man, don't do Rubin, all right? And I haven't really called- That's like you let her go. I'm not a weirdo, I don't wanna get ahead of myself. I haven't properly court you let her go. I'm not a weirdo. I don't want to get ahead of myself. I haven't properly courted her through the TV. So, um, she's not left herself in a good political position here. Her only ally really is Courtney, who is not in a position of power. Now luckily, she's lead decant Dylan.

Right. I'll not amend what I said. Now the good news here is that stakes are so low Really need to be jockey for allies if I try to nail it down. I don't know what the stakes are right This is not the greens versus the blacks the greens versus the blacks. You've got, you've just got to watch House of Dragons. It's so fantastic. So let's get to the guest coming aboard. This gives me the creeps. Like we said, two old guys, one really jacked,

little guy, one in a denim plaid blazer, another one in a tie-dye bucket hat, and three or four very young women. Yeah, and one of the women, Amanda, the camera loves her asshole. It follows her around everywhere on the tour of that book. You can pick out the BDSM fan from amongst this group, from a mile away. You know, if there was like a, what is it called, a lineup? Yeah, yeah, sure. Pick the one who's into Saddle Massacism. You'd go, uh, I, just a hunch, but I bet it's the gaunt, um, transparent one.

Yeah, I bet it's her. Yeah, yeah. Pat would be having a ton of fun with these ladies. Oh, because they seem like party girls. Oh, patty loves a party girl. Patty loves a party girl. Yeah, that's gross. Every time I hear patty loves party girl.

You know who else does? Eric does, the co-prime here because he lets the crew know that he'll be paid for that. Well, right. I don't know the item. Not kidding, I'm kidding. I do not. Oh, well, I think he did. He says, hey, he won't come on up.

Not to wreck his payment, but Cubano. No, no, Quid Pro quo. Okay, well, he lets the crew know. In this kind of an odd conversation, he said, hey, there's gonna be a lot of cameras going around here. And we're gonna need to lay down some hey, there's gonna be a lot of cameras going around here. And we're gonna need to load a lay down some plastic because there's gonna be a every now.

Okay. What a pic. So, yeah, what that guy has a pic. He's gross. Sandy's fine. Yeah, Campo Levy said, so Sandy's fine with read handling lines. And she is repaid for a trust with a yes sir.

Now listen, this is a bad one, not in like it's rude to Sandy. It's what it's about. It is. Yes, he did. But how do you say yes, sir? I mean, what God damn. That's a bad one. Oh, baked in Southern Massage and he's never had a female in a position.

Right. That's a bad one. Oh baked in Southern Massage and he's never had a female in a position power. I actually blame Yeah, centuries of that kind of thing the patriarchy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Rilling down south and still being alive and well. Yeah, yeah, unfortunately I love that they're all federalists down there, you know, like independent governments. I think that's what's that mean? Oh, it's too far. is uh... you want the federal government uh... it's you are stay out of your fucking way to the state state governments which is great because california will be fine right

alabama what do you make hey hey broad ads ain't no politics are right uh... alright so she you're a hundred percent right so film industry doesn't come from the ground dealing. If they keep fucking around, it'll be in Alabama. So the sea rats unpack the guests strap ons and dildos. Why are you allowing them to unpack your clothes? Period.

And why are you allowing it to happen if you have varying degrees of sterilized sex toys? The Kim costumes in there. In crude plastic ziplocks, like... Well, these are the same people for 45 seconds later cut to just taking off, you know, clothes that show us what mama gave you and just sitting in a gross seat where fat guys fish off of You know, so I mean, I don't know right, you know, this is an odd group. They're odd balls. Yeah, they're wacky. Yeah, so meanwhile Yeah, meanwhile you got anything on the pics? Mm-hmm

Tosh Tosh tells Natalia to take them to the beach. Guy Fieri and his buddy eat lunch early and then we sit down to Wild Rice and Kenwa. Seasons with beetroot and orange, Nory rolls and grilled filet with an odd garnish of a warm benteri coveir. 60 pots, getting probably higher, but who cares? The guest comment that it's the perfect lunch. And then we get to a little culinary education,

some bad, some good. Now we've gone over the crude oil that is truffle oil, that one creep was correct in saying that it's essentially like margarine and that it's almost a petroleum product. But then we get to Eric, who goes on this really fascinating jag about how figs are a very, very rare kind of necrotic fruit that doesn't really abide by the laws of nature, water and sun and whatnot. But is rather a parasitic force that lays and waits for a wasp to die so that it can corrupt its body and blossom into a fig. I don't know how something like this can't immediately be subjected to further scrutiny. The second it hits your ears, right? Because they grow.

Well, they're 21. He's trying to sell this shit to 21 year old. He's like big dick neck. Right, right. They grow on trees, Eric. And I'm really talking to Eric because this hit Eric's ears at one point and then he regurgitated this. I mean, we're probably at a baker's dozen times at this point. This is a cool popsicle fact. Right. Or a snap of a cat fact.

It's just so insanely stupid to me that one could believe that there's this one fruit which is a pretty common fruit. It's a company's this one fruit, which is a pretty common fruit. It's a company's many, many, cheeses and meats on chakutari boards. God, this gave me that Harland Williams thing again. Okay, so there was a whole point apatite article

about what do you mean there are dead wasps in my figs. They do, the female fig wasp does pollinate it and they rarely live longer than 48 hours, but they're not always in there. They're never in there. It's not a thing. You know, this guy, it was too long and convoluted and Dylan, apparently no one's ever actually

called him out on his bullshit. He should have been in a cocktail party when he first thought this was going to be, you know, laying that on there. And then you, he doesn't know who you are, but you're Dylan. Yeah. And you remind him that Figs come from trees and then that would have prevented him from ever doing that again. He should start with low hanging fruit like things like this.

You know, the audience is 21 year old girls that I think, uh, forgive me, but I've seen hanging out at the polo lounge at lunch. Sure. You open up with this. Did you know it's impossible for most people to uh... lick their own elbows all right right right right wow because it halfway through that last uh... thing you've talked about that i'll and finally fix it

and you know uh... a crocodile can't stick his uh... tongue out of his mouth right right that weird yeah yeah that's cool. That's weird. Yeah, that's what old Patty brings in a cocktail party. Right, exactly. When you're courting sex workers. Yeah, right.

I've already told you guys this one, but I've just been, like, I've been pulling this out a lot recently that the female hyena has more testosterone than the male hyena so much so that her female reproductive parts actually, what's the pro-trude? Oh, pro-trude, yeah's the, they pro-trude. All pro-trude, yeah, yeah. Pro-lapse, like an asshole.

Yeah, okay. All right, so, Hey, do you know when avocados actually have fruit not eventgable? I, I'm sorry that I got so preoccupied. Well, you got my head spinning. Are you about to disprove me? No, right?

It's insanity. I was just gonna say that humans started cultivating figs 10,000 years ago. Okay, so the guests hit the beach and it's time for a little meanwhile once again. Me and Wild. Reed's mouth is starting. You've only got fatty foods.

This guy is gonna get bad when he's drinking and just when he's not. So I will say that he does take charge of the hike rather well though and leads this strange group of daddies and runaways up this mound. And then we begin taking new pictures once again. Now, read from Decatur, which is experiencing an epidemic of fentanyl in their spice and poor truck drivers.

So I mightipped over right. I was gonna say anti-science education, but because of all that, he's just very bashful about this whole thing, you know. He said, my mom would just be like, this isn't right or this ain't right. And I'm just sitting there thinking, dude, just take it easy and enjoy it.

They're very, very beautiful. Just calm down. Cool, with the dad jokes. But, you know, who else is beautiful? Your XTV girlfriend, who takes a sexy moment here on her own, no, she was just taking a piss. Hey, piss, yeah. My wife said, what is she doing?

I was just taking a piss. What are you, are you like trying to one up them right now? And it's, oh, you're taking a piss. And I understand the vastest of the ocean, but it was a weird thing to pee and then submerge your entire body, right? Where you just went. I get it, you're not hitting the pee,

but it's just, it feels weird. It's like, I don't bring a drink into the bathroom. Ever. Yeah, I mean either. It feels weird. Are you kidding me? There's nothing better than cracking a bottle of ice. A bottle of ice.

And oh. Okay, so what do we have next? Are you kidding me? There's nothing better than cracking a butt like an oh Okay, so what do we have next awkward shots of Natalia and storm and fun shots of Tosh and Kyle and more fucking photos being taken of these damaged young women Now I again, I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah. We're just having fun. We don't really think that Well, I mean If I have a daughter I would hope that she doesn't go on this vacation. Yeah, I'm sorry If I have a daughter, I would hope that she doesn't go on this vacation. Yeah, I'm sorry, who's Eric? Yeah. Oh, he's 50?

Five? 60, excuse me. All right, so. No, you're not going. Yeah, you're not going. I raised you right. What are you doing? Right.

Well, he's gonna want something from you. So Natalia gets back after Kyle and Tosh have been rolling all over one another to find that the rooms have not been cleaned because of quote unquote time limitations. Kyle, come on. Kyle, come on. Kyle, come on. Kyle. Let's get to the BDSM party. Everyone hops on their fun outfits. Yeah. Oh, well, I was going to say with this photo shoot that's happening here in beautiful Malta, when a photo shoot occurs, generally there's a purpose, you know, I still know clue where these photos are going,

porn hub, red tube, red hub, XXN, XXXX, you porn, real girls do porn casting couch, or possibly a more classier publication, giz, giz, gizizz and even more Jizz.com. I have no idea where these photos are going, Eric. Where are you going to Jizz Jizz, Morgz is dot com. What are you seeking out there? Huh? What are you seeking out there? Oh, I, uh, because you know how like when you're, you know, looking for something specific, things can take you to dark corners of the internet,

but I'd never stumbled upon just has mortgages.com. We can move on. So everyone hops in their fun outfits and Reed talks about how he lost six meters and then we get to our to be continued moment. Now I call it our to be continued moment because I'm very confused about why certain moments of tension and drama get a TBC card and other ones don't like this is a perfect time when you would

want to get it to be continued not when Jason just gets up and walks away from storm. Yeah, just nuts balls. Well, they got to do it 18 times. So you got to have 18 of those moments and let's come on Let's be honest with ourselves this show doesn't have those. I will say this one last note We got I got a set up what what actually happened. Oh, I was gonna say was this absolutely unprovoked With Kyle I didn't it was okay. Thank you. Thank you. I think so I think he was just being a nasty zaddy He goes out of his way to throw Natasha under the bus, excuse me, Natalia under the bus. He would never throw Natasha under the bus,

he knows where his bread is buttered, but he throws Natalia under the bus. I think because of built up frustration, but he did kind of go out of his way to do it. The person he was talking to was like, I don't care. That's okay. And then calls Natalia the head of housekeeping.

Now, we talked about how Kyle often said things to Natalia with a cheeky kind of jokingness to it. Like, I'll bend you over that bed. If you keep talking that way. I'll throw you overboard. You're going to keep talking that way. I'll throw you overboard. You're gonna be third stew in two seconds, stuff like that. And all three of us were like,

I think he means what he's saying. I didn't take it. And in this moment, he has done it. He has deemed her to a paying guest, head of housekeeping. Worst part by far. Well, that's why I wanted to talk to him. I don't think he knew we're

going to come on with the heat tonight, you know. I think maybe maybe it being a unfavorable episode for a might might have led to his car troubles a bit. Car troubles and there'd be nothing better than actually zooming in. And if he was stuck on the side of the road or a drug den or in a drug den, let's see what's going on there. That's it for us. Something I've done is reddings and reviews. Go to YouTube. If you're watching this on YouTube and you have not clicked like and you haven't subscribed.

Burnin' hell. No. If you don't, now do, but do like it and subscribe. Like and subscribe. Like and subscribe. Like and subscribe. Also join us on Patreon for the upcoming adventure spin-off Subscribe to bad tv another podcast show. We love you very much. I'm Dylan saying goodbye next day goodbye. Goodbye. That With the Lucky Land Slut, you can get lucky just about anywhere.

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