Another Below Deck Podcast - The Boat’s Not Seaworthy | Below Deck Med S7 E7

Episode Date: August 23, 2022

Dylan, Nick and Pat are back to break down how Home is held together by rubber bands and chewing gum, how Natasha is a succubus, how Dave is acting like he’s in The Shining, too much fudge, the dangers of a banana boat and much more from Bravo’s Below Deck Med.The full season of Below Deck Down Under recaps is ALREADY available only on our Patreon at https://Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkAlso available is our coverage of Below Deck Sailing and Love is Blind seasons 1 and 2 for both shows!Check out our merch!https://anothermerchstore.comWe also cover Bachelor Nation very week on Another Bachelor Podcasthttps://bit.ly/AnotherBachelorPodcast_YouTube

Yeah, we'll get into it later, but when Sandy said close the doors because the air conditioning was on, I felt like I was back in Wisconsin in 12 and my grandma's like, close the goddamn screen door or I'm not cool on the outside! Yeah, I felt like I was back in Hub's trailer. That's what I felt like. Well, a solution to any problem that might kill you should not be the same solution to someone taking a shit. welcome aboard another brand spanking new episode of another below deck pa what is it it's another below deck podcast it's just there's a sailing med and reg and i felt like you've unnecessarily changed the titles when we do something on patreon it's another below deck podcast because it's really messing with me right

now but uh yeah no we cover below deck and all of its iterations rag med sailing down under and uh the soon to come adventure and i would like to talk about Dan Under really quickly, PSA. Oh, I'm Dylan. Settle up next one. Real Nicholas Davis. What's good? Hoi Maties. Permission to come aboard.

There's a podcast of the producer over there. So, you know, we were going to have Pizza Rat on tonight. Ryan. And we recorded our Below Deck Down Under stuff so long ago. I don't even really recall the, your hatred for him. Yes. And the atrocities he committed and stuff like that.

So I was like, I'm going to slap on the last episode and just give a listen to, you know what we're saying? And of down on, of down on three months. Right. Exactly. And I got to say,

I mean, I was at a pretty dark place back then. I mean, the show was making me upset because I still adamantly believe it is a really poorly cast season or iteration of the show. Captain's hot. Hot Captain,

but it just was nowhere near enough to say that. I mean, I said some horrific things about Pizza Rat. And listen, I'm pretty sure we're arch enemies. We'll talk to him. I don't think that we'll shake you know, shake hands or anything. But, I mean, I said that his father's happy he's in heaven because Ryan's not there. I mean, that's a yucky thing to say to somebody. It's crazy what the cloak of a paywall will allow you to say.

But then, you know, you bust it out later. And I will say, I even cleaned it up a bit on all our parts. But if you do want to check out that uncensored one, go to patreon.com slash another podcast network where the entire season of Down Under is already available. Plus some extra minutes of horrific stuff we all said. Really? That's so funny.

Hey, can I do a PSA? Yeah, of course. Hey, Bravo, go fuck yourself. We're done working with you. You guys are a bunch of liars and hacks over there all you did was play games with us yeah uh we're going rogue now yeah uh we don't need to be tethered to you thanks for all the pre the screeners or whatever and thanks for not sending them after we had an interview with the screeners were nice for like six weeks and then they started

to kind of drop the ball because remember it's just like fucking usc grads working at bravo sending out screeners in the pr department you know yeah it's they're just people too but uh yeah we're done because keep going after him oh yeah well we don't need to talk to freaking uh whoever you want to chuck up at us and and and abide to these rules you can't ask them this get out of here bravo we're done with you yeah and I'm going to talk to all the castmates that have been on the show. Don't believe their bullshit. They dangle that fucking carrot on you. Hey, you can't talk to another Below Deck podcast, guys,

because we were thinking we want you on next season, but if you don't play the game. Lies. It's all lies. They lied to you. And by the way, you should be able to monetize. They exploited your ass on a TV show. You should get to go out and be on what podcast you want, and some girl named whatever in New York can't tell you you can't do it. Your countenance is all you got. You got to protect your image and you got to strike while

the iron's hot. You know how you do that? Don't listen to Bravo. If you're good enough, they'll get you back on. Exactly. So cast members that want to be on the show, hit Nick up and say you want to be on the show. I don't even care if you're on the current season. Fuck Bravo. They're not there to help you you they're there to exploit you and they're not allowing you to monetize yourself so at least they can fucking do it these greedy bastards so bravo see ya they're simon cowell they're signing your these tweens to terrible contracts where they own all their ip in perpetuity it's not right fuck bravo nick go ahead. And if I think you can sense our wrath, Bravo, if we get to sit down with Andy Cohen, we can break some bed and figure this all out.

I think so. We can work it out easily. Maybe a couple episodes of galley talk. We can work things out. But until then, this is my stance. Fuck you. Yeah. All three of us.

Andy, we're available for espresso martinis at Pump whenever you're available. But until then, it's on. We can go to Dantana's too if you can get us in because I can't get us in. I'm not going to hand a maitre d' a $500 and then wait for 30 minutes to go eat chicken parm. But if you can get us in, Andy, we're there. And if business goes well and we're ready to hit the town after, I would do acid with you and Anderson Cooper. So we have a show to get into, and it was a hell of an episode.

Before we talk about it. We've got to do our thoughts and nots. Specifics of it. We do have to talk about thoughts and pots. Pat. Okay. First off, I thought it was a great episode. I had a lot of fun.

It had all the fun, like drama. I thought it was really going episode i had a lot of fun it had all the fun like drama i thought it was really going to work out when sorry real quick psa yeah you know people have been inquiring about some of the isms of the podcast what's that mean uh you know pots knots and stuff like that like what is uh what's the origin of that people have been asking no clue no idea and even if there was an origin like the sense that it would make you know it's just word association in a in a room you know that there's it's not and i and i don't know why i had to interrupt you to say that but i do wanted i needed to get that out of my chest and i i don't know why i have to say this but i i just got to it started because we did general thoughts when we covered The Bachelor, our first podcast.

There we go. And then we just started making nautical puns with everything we talked about. So we did thoughts and knots, like nautical. But then it actually got switched somehow, the spelling to knot, like you would tie a knot on a boat, which also applies and is still a pun. And then you started doing the reviews and you started to give pots for the food reviews. Right, right, right, right. And then we just started to like throw it and we'll just rhyme shit. See, I told you it was going to be unsatisfying.

And I'm sorry to you. I'm sorry to you. And I'm sorry to everybody listening. Okay. I'm going to continue now. Yeah, please. All right. So I did not foresee the drama with Natalia with her buddy Kyle.

That was cray cray. Oh, wow. Cray cray, yeah. I didn't anticipate anticipate uh natalia's uh she dropped storm it felt like like a uh like a bad habit one night of drinking you know yeah at the end i was just rooting for everybody please just go to sleep just put your head on the pillow yeah shut up yeah natalia was going to be my tv girlfriend but i don't know anymore what does that fucking mean, Pat?

Well, that's what you look at the person and you're like, you know what? If I wasn't with my wife, that would be my girlfriend. Oh, how romantic. Your TV girlfriend. Yeah.

She was going to be. But I don't think so anymore. Oh, what a loss for her. She's a little too judgy. Yeah. God, what a fucking heartbreaking story. Just the drama between Dave and Natasha. God, I'm just having fun on this show.

I think we're like nine episodes in or something. Right. By the way, you guys are great together. I didn't watch last week's episode. No, thanks. I just listened to the podcast. You guys covering it, it got me up to speed. Oh, because you were in Lemonster.

Yeah, thanks for what you guys do all right um 100 pots really nice that was really nice uh i'm gonna go next if you don't mind i don't i was angry uh with the ryan season i apologize already for it uh go to patreon if you want to hear it i was upset because the show was again not a good version of the show oh this i couldn't be happier i mean we had a lull last week or two weeks ago but i mean we're firing on all six seven eight cylinders now you know the show is just so well cast that the characters are so fun natalia and kyle even when they fight with each other i love playful i love that it's like brother-sister relationship. Yeah. For a minute there, I thought he was straight,

you know? So much to chew on with the food this evening. Can't wait to get into it. Can't wait to get into it. And once again, we have to talk about the shoddy engineering

of this vessel. I mean, it's just unbelievable that this thing was legally allowed to get out there. It's not seaworthy. It could kill people

at some point. Seaworthy. Sandy announced to everybody on the boat this thing could roll. Okay. And the solution is to open doors. No, no, no. Keep the doors closed.

All right. It's like QVIVIC, which is a new sleep drug wherein it's advertised by Lindsey Vonn, by the way. And you might wake up in the middle of the night and do activities, quote, unquote, that you, quote, unquote, don't remember. You know, how do those things get out to market? Anyways, a hundred pods. Great episode. Yeah.

We'll, we'll get into it later. But when Sandy said, close the doors, cause the air conditioning was on, I felt like I was back in Wisconsin and 12 and my grandma's like, close the goddamn screen door. I'm not cool on the outside.

Yeah. I felt like I was back in hubs trailer. That's what I felt. Well, a solution to any problem that might kill you should not be the same solution to someone taking a shit. I so agree with you. I so agree with you.

Except again, he's thinking of keep the door. Oh, no, close the door. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought you were saying open the door, but that would just waft into others. How many do you give it? I give it a bunch because I liked it for a number of reasons, including the relationship stuff between Storm and Natalia.

But Pat, I'll pick up your scraps because she's now my TV girlfriend. I like how she handled it, and I think Storm needs to shut the fuck up about work. We're out. We're out, Storm. Though I agree with him, it scares me when someone says something like anything worth doing is worth overdoing that'll scare someone off yeah i love the episode though

and that was pretty specific of me and i apologize 92 knots yeah you did get pretty specific there but um forgiven uh can kyle be my tv boyfriend yeah of course it's mine too i'd hang out with him we gotta we gotta fight mine's joey okay so uh episode kicks off where we last were very dramatic stuff here we didn't know if we were going to sink or swim um and as bad as oh but you know to jog memory we bumped into a dolphin or a pizza as bad as fifth Fifth Element was, is Storm possibly worse? Because, you know, he's easier to understand, but he can't operate a walkie-talkie. It's truly unbelievable stuff.

Oh, that was my bad. That's a teachable moment, Dylan. Hey, don't get ahead of yourself. Oh, sorry. Gosh. I actually, I would agree. I think he, at this point, he might be worse because I would say just their reason for being there

is to not hit the Dolphins. They both hit the Dolphins. What makes Storm worse is that he was trying. He was giving 100% effort. Reagan was hungover and possibly napping. Yeah, she was on the verge of throwing up because of the hangover and the nicotine withdrawal. So Kyle is going to be on housekeeping for the day because of the quote unquote mouth period he is experiencing.

We're starting to see some cracks in the foundation of this wonderful family that is interior. Natalia is wondering where the fuck Kyle is, but more on that in a little bit. Storm is called up to the bridge. He says, I know what I did wrong. But Storm is called up to the bridge. He says, I know what I did wrong. I didn't know how to use a walkie-talkie that I've been using for a couple of days. Were you guys as confused about this as I am? First, I thought he didn't put new batteries in there.

I don't know who that was on. But her saying that it was a teachable moment because she didn't tell him how to use it. I see you guys in every episode use these fucking things. and it's also it's a given right like i was trying to find a good comparison but and i don't think i did but i'll give it a shot like if a cook serves like a raw dish and the chef's like what happened he's like well i didn't turn i didn't turn the burner on he's like that's fine i didn't teach you that you needed to turn that knob i mean what is going on here? She says you got to push and then say things into it.

That's not a teachable moment. I was at first, I didn't have a lot of confidence where you're going with that analogy. And you really brought that home. That's very similar and really puts into stark light how bad that was. But it was a teachable moment. Sandy is, she's Siddhartha aboard home. I mean, it's unbelievable how zen she is. It reminded me of the

Always Sunny in Philadelphia when Mac, they had walkie-talkies because they broke into someone's house to steal something. You know, the group gang. They're always getting the shenanigans. Yeah, that's right. But he did the opposite. He would hold it on too long because he would finish and then he'd go, and they let go and they go, and they're like, you don't have to do the sound. And he's like,

okay, got it. I think that's from stealing Harvard. No. Oh, I think they do something similar. Saving Silverman. In Saving Silverman.

Yeah, they do the exact thing. I said, I said stealing Harvard because I almost said that at first, because there is a funny walkie talkie scene in that with Tom Green and Jason, whatever his name is. He's like, I want to be Steve like I want to be Steve I'm back in the gang steal intellectual property we gotta take a break from probably Natasha and Dave's toxic relationship and talk about one of our favorite sponsors hands down one of our favorite sponsors I bet Green Chef oh yeah

it is it is Pat you've been you've been kind of button heads with the wife lately? We have. Oh my God. Excuse me. Sorry. You know, I was going to burp because I just had a great meal. You know, in a lot of cultures, burping is a compliment. Yeah, we've had a great meal.

So, kudos to Green Chef for just an incredible product. And also, you don't have to go to... And what is Greenudos to Green Chef for just an incredible product. Yeah. And also you don't have to go to. And what is Green Chef? Green Chef is a CCOF certified meal kit company. Green Chef makes eating well easy with plans to fit every lifestyle, specifically my keto lifestyle.

That's why I've been loving it so much. And others, if you want. We've talked about how gluten gluten can be weaponized. Well, you know when it's not weaponized? With the keto green chef meal. I mean, there are... I'm not going to disparage the other meals. There's no chitin in keto.

Okay, so get this. Last night I'm watching Below Deck. And I said, wow, she's beautiful. My wife says, are you talking about Natalia? I said, yeah. That's my TV girlfriend, right? Right. And so she says, you know what? I'm pissed at you.

So I thought I was going to fight with her. Wife wasn't going to talk to me anymore. A box of green chef showed up today. We cooked it together. We were like that movie Ghost. I'm working around my wife, Sheree. Like when they're working with the clay, we're cutting up all the stuff.

It's romantic. It helps a relationship. Sign up for it. Look, if you sign up for it just because it's an amazing product, but if you're having problems with your marriage, order Green Chef. You'll do it together. It will fix it.

You know what's so amazing about Green Chef? Yeah, yeah. That it has time-saving recipes packed with fresh produce and vibrant flavors that help you make the most of those long summer days and also it's the number one meal kit for eating well with dinners that work for you not the other way around that's exactly what pat was saying exactly and also green chef uh with green chef you're reducing your food waste by at least 25 i mean i'm throwing out so much stuff if I don't have Green Chef. Guys, listen. Go to greenchef.com slash belowdeck135 and use code belowdeck135 to get $130 off across five boxes in your first box ships free again. That is greenchef.com slash belowdeck135 and use code belowdeck135 to get $135 off across five boxes in your first box.

Ships free. Green Chef, it's the number one meal kit for eating well. And I completely understand it. It saved my marriage. So, Sandy has hit two things, but this is a teachable moment, like we said, and he is provisional after all. Pat, can I get a meanwhile? Meanwhile.

Captain Sandy has faith in Courtney. Natasha is lovesick again texting her boyfriend really just sick in the head but um we'll get there um and then we get to our favorites natalia is really laying into kyle uh hope you enjoyed your two-day vacation uh you're only getting a quarter of the tip did you read that out of your little comeback book last night i mean my god i love these two but see it turned ugly pretty quick though yeah yeah it's kind of like us yeah but so recoverable so recover she honestly would kill it with us because totally yeah because when we were fighting it does start with like kind of just these more comments yeah that just

get aggressively more yeah and then progressively more aggressive then the yelling starts yeah but we don't need to tell how sure it was made because we have this fight to cover yeah yeah but i didn't like like what are you guys doing they've had fun banter they've been taking digs at each other but like at an arbitrary moment kyle uh breaks and he's like no stop it it's like you got to be Well, I mean, he has an infection in his teeth, Nick. He's in a lot of pain. He said it feels like he's getting hit in the face by a boxer.

And you know what? I bet it's fucking chitin. I bet he's chewing on chitin. You're gonna keep that going through all the episodes. Well, it's important to warn people. Understood, understood. And it's important to let them know how they can find out what Dylan is talking about.

Go check out our other free show, another podcast show. Yeah. Hey, I was gonna to say, do you... We talk about the dangers of bug exoskeletons and you might think, oh, that doesn't sound that crazy, but it is. It is. That was fascinating. I can't believe this Sea Rat

disagreement is over who gets to live in the laundry room, if you really break it down. It's the most Sea Rat thing ever. Because she won't leave the laundry room and he just wants to live down there. They essentially had like a polite off at them. She's like, I'm trying to help you. I didn't get the digs.

I didn't get where the fight started, except that he was being a little softy. He was being a soft service queen. That's how it starts. It's miscommunication. Well, listen, I love this fight, and then we've got fucking Dave to come out and say. Hey, quiet down. Yeah. The guests are around.

Yeah, he's a fucking hall monitor, man. Let them turn those cappuccinos into projectiles for all week. Yeah, take the heat off you, Dave. You look like a complete pussy last couple weeks. I thought it was really interesting how he just seized the moment to take the high ground. If he would have said this to me, I would have been like, shut the fuck up. Why don't you text someone else they're a slut, you idiot? Get out of here.

You creep. You're lucky you're not fired i'll yell all i want loser cook the fucking food all right so courtney is crushing it she's hopping in the water and the guests say that she looks like a mermaid mermaids have fishtails and they have shells on their boob and she looks nothing like a mermaid also they're so proficient at swimming that they would never ever need a life vest the one you know like courtney's got on it's just really it's just ridiculous don't wear life vest they don't uh the guests hop on a banana boat um and you know have themselves a time it's water toy time yeah now fans have heard me say before that's the only time i've ever been concussed so while it is a good time you do have a

chance of getting knocked out cold and having your torso dragged through the water until everybody can scream to the driver to stop the boat it's it's just a small chance of it happening but it can't happen all right hey can i do it meanwhile meanwhile uh natasha's texting uh the guy that she loves her boyfriend who i guess she lived with and shares dog like they had they were more close uh closer than they really uh she i think natasha is 1300 years old and she has been married engaged many many times over yeah yeah yeah it's like uh an elf but like a waste of immortality yeah go ahead this ain't her first road anyway she does all this texting inches away from dave and then uh meanwhile also kyle continues to complain about that fucking tooth hey you're not tom hanks in uh castaway kyle uh taking a head bill uh if not i'm pretty sure we

can get you an ice skate right right well um dave is cooking up something and so is natasha like you said she's texting uh this guy and she's doing it right in front of Dave. Demon. But she says that he's going to be upset if he finds out. She says he's going to be so upset if he finds out. He's just so unpredictable. I mean, that's a contradiction, you know? unpredictable i mean that's a contradiction you know it's a it's a it's a oxymoronic thing to say and also what you're doing is again demonic you know he's you said yourself he's going to be so

upset if he finds out then you voluntarily told him but you know again with these two there are intricacies because he's hovering and if she did it to stop him hovering i'm totally fine with it are you so what you're describing are you familiar with the term succubus oh yeah but like the the actual lore of it it's a earth wanderer who seeks victims by disguising herself as a young beautiful women seducing men right and yeah she's been here uh eons doing this to poor saps like dave or otherwise very talented individuals yeah but they do have a weakness in them and if she can see it and exploit it then you know it's it's on them too i learned from suck of a succubus from south park

who a succubus uh she seduced chef coincidentally enough now can i say something about natasha i we've we've a natasha if you're listening we know we've uh made funny and shit all over you we know that this is uh typical human behavior everybody has one of these things you know well i mean i mean she's not evil you know she's doing well being a bad person right we've a couple things we've we've already clarified that she's not human right right right um and also it's not human being stuff it's it's sea rat stuff so you know we're accustomed to it but it's not quite you know the norm i just hope she's not getting uh you know wanting to you know uh fall into a depression over getting beat up online you know

totally yeah it was it was interesting because on wwhl when she was helping dish the 411 with andy in his clubhouse she was talking about how she actually never said let's screw real on bravo television going against the editing which i thought was interesting she said when they were in the bathroom they didn't bang she said that's the only oh then she's still with the boyfriend that's what that means i i thought i was wondering if she's still with that guy because my my theory was that she was with the boyfriend the entire time and i actually saw a tiktok about some inside scoops about below deck and the bathroom is the only place they can't film unless two cast members go in together so

for her to say that's the only place we could have privacy and we didn't actually bang in there, I find to be a lie, and I like Pat's theory. So she said a lot of stuff that made it seem not as bad, and Jason Gaskell, who was also on there, he said that he was on Natasha's hide 100%, and they didn't show some of the stuff we didn't see. But from what we have seen...

Hide? He was on her side? 100%. Okay. You said Hyde. My bad. Because I'm trying to wrap it up. No, no, I hear you. The Nick knows too much.

Yeah. And then, but I initially thought she was just doing bad things. But when she told the story about traversing the ocean after being engaged and breaking up, I started to believe Dylan. I think she's a succubus. She's eternal. She's eternal and dark. I just want to put it out there.

We're not monsters that are just haters. We understand the complexities of human behavior. And I hope she's doing well now and taking care of her mental health. Yeah. Wish her nothing but the best. Right. Okay. Are we bullies? I wish her nothing but the best as she

exists on Earth. It's an impressive conquest. I mean, we don't get to root for eternal demons that often. You got to do it when you can, you know? Exactly. Anyway, so the wind is picking up. It's Courtney's time to step up, okay? She has to get a jet ski on a crane in choppy waters.

And last time this happened, she head-butted that crane. But this time, she nails it. She's just a badass she's got a great attitude what oh i thought no no she she succeeds in her task um i think she's got a great attitude great addition to this cast says daddy a lot which is sad but she's just as lovely as a sea rat can be you know i really have nothing nothing bad to say about her i did like the flashback from last season how she was like oh i understand like the interior needing help and she asked a couple deckhands and they built the crib and it was like an entire season of saying daddy all came full circle because she was finally like you guys are

daddies uh what a comedic genius she was to play that long game to get that punchline no she's really really special um so once again the fickle dare i say criminally negligent design of this vessel is on display if the doors are not closed the stabilizers begin to fail i'm beginning to feel like this ship is held together by rubber bands and bubblicious i'm just very very worried about the crew and the guests and the stars of the show the engineers My family and I if we were offered a free ticket on this boat home. We ain't taking it. This is a dangerous Yeah It's really funny how you can have two different perspectives on things because the people who operate or put it and sold this boat

And built it they call them stabilizers Unless you have the air conditioning on I call them stabilizers unless you have the air conditioning on. I call them destabilizers unless the air conditioning is off, which I think is the much more important aspect of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. I stand by that. Yeah, yeah. So Dave heads up to Tosh and checks to see if she's okay

after the 7.0 earthquake that the boat suffered. Dave, you've got to stop. Hey, personal story. It's not going to happen. It's not going to happen. And you're making us sick. You're making us sick when you do this. And a twinge of needy.

Oh, wait, you knew I was going to tell a personal story. Oh, no, no, no, I did not. I basically had the same note, and I also used destabilization. I just wanted to say that at some point, I guess, and hence my weird tangent. But I can't wait to hear your quick personal story days later because I have to pee. Oh, yeah, sure. All right. So in 2001, I'm dating this girl named Lebanese Lana, and it was hot and heavy for a year

and a half, but we grew apart. I was in a band. I'm touring every weekend, and she always gave me crap for that. So this final time I do it, I come home. All she's doing is fucking letting me have it for three days straight. So I leave her apartment, and I said, I'm sleeping in my own bed at my apartment tonight. Get this. It wasn't even like a real breakup.

We just didn't follow up with each other the next day. Before you know it, it's two, three, four, five, seven days next day before you know it's two three four five seven days we never have the it's over breakup we that night i left we never talked again wow that was may 2001 oh well 9-11 happens one of her parents lives in new york okay and i everyone's got a check on everybody i emailed her and i said lana is your family okay and she responded yes they are okay and i wasn't reaching out because i cared about her father he was such an asshole i just wanted to hear you know maybe hear her voice or have her i just wanted to reach out yeah uh well i think the reason why you and lebanese lana kind of fell out is probably

because you were cheating on her no No, she demanded sex every night. I can't do that. Well, Patrick, did you have a TV girlfriend at the time? Yeah, I did. It's incredible, though. It was Judge Amy. And I just came into the end of it, and I will listen back because I am trying to work out a whole timeline of Pat's personal story.

Personal story, but not just personal story. And I got a concrete year on Lebanese Lana, 2001, as I was was walking out but it's so interesting that your sex star of girlfriend who you couldn't muster up uh the juices enough to not every night have sex you still cheated on her i know i never cheated on you did oh i thought that was part of the story who's judge amy uh she uh was your tv girlfriend in the day 2001 yeah i never so l Lana would beat my ass if I cheated on her. I'm sorry, it's just not getting through. Meanwhile, Dave doesn't know what he's going to cook. It's 4 o'clock.

Please figure that out. Kyle's teeth hurt, and Courtney makes phallic jokes and has great vibes. So Studio 54 is on the menu again. Two episodes in one week. Housewivesofpatreon.com. But before we get get there we've got more deck stuff not my fave storm says that he hates failure and i don't want to be a dick but i mean you know searat is kind of i don't know it's a little inherent it's almost like their modus operandi you know again i mean i just i can't i shouldn't be mean anymore i gotta i gotta you get paid to be mean dude i got no but i i gotta read this book on buddhism and figure out how to sadarth

no no no herman jess what is that i don't know who wrote that so they dock at night there's intense music it's m night chamois man they dock at at night. I mean, it's just not my favorite part of the show. Sandy exclaims proudly, excellent job. We didn't hit anything. And speaking of failure, you know, if you set the bar low enough, you literally cannot fail, you know? So we get ready for dinner, and Kyle is down. He's in tears because of his teeth.

But fear not, Dave is there to help. He steps in and says, I can help you out. No, thanks. However you guys need. Dave, Dave, stop. It's not going to happen. You're making us sick, man. So speaking of nausea, let's read a text from Natasha to her ex-boyfriend.

She says, you're such an amazing person. The guy she cheated on um keep being you and don't let me change you and that sounds like a thinly veiled threat from a fucking succubus if you ask me perhaps even toying with its prey please i'm warning you what i'm going to do i am telegraphing this make it more difficult for me so um meanwhile meanwhile uh court is once again being pulled into the deck team uh excuse me into interior kyle is getting checked on by captain sandy and once again courtney is put on service over natalia oh we what's up with that i don't get it natalia needs to sleep because she's taking all kyle shifts i think right

last week it was some fakakta. Natalia knows where all the cleaning supplies are. I don't like it. Let's move on to dinner. Well, isn't it opposite this week? Natalia is being put in laundry when she wanted to be on service last week, but now she's being put in laundry. She should be on service.

Kyle is down. Oh, so she's going on service because he wants to be in laundry because it's two thirds. Oh, did we mention? Didn't he go see a doctor at this point in the episode? I feel like I'm doing a bad job. Yeah, we're doing a bad job. But no, Kyle is out. He's down.

He's laying. So Courtney steps in and Natasha says, Courtney, do service for the second night in a row. It's not right. It's bad woman management. Here's where I got confused. There were kind of two dust-ups early with Natalia and Kyle. One was playful. One got real.

I didn't know we covered the real one, but we kind of did it all in one. He's at the hospital now, and this is why I wanted to talk. No, he is not. Oh, he's out. He's just laying down. Yes. I'm back. I'm never peeing again.

So dinner is served, and this is yummy. This is yummy. is yummy not the food looks like uh killed again octopus but um my god more pathetic stuff from dave so as they're bringing the plates up natasha says the food looks amazing. He says you look amazing. Dave, you gotta stop. Yeah, buddy. I'm retching right now. You've gotta stop. And now we get to the part where I'm fully about to throw up. He says that the dish is called Morning Glory and that it's inspired. It's inspo.

Is Natasha herself? I mean, there's just so many fucking pathetic and weird things about this. The name of the dish is just insane. Is morning glory when you wake up with a heart on? No, I think it's when you have sex with someone. Morning glory? I think so. There are flowers called morning glories that climb lattice.

My grandma loved them. We'd get them every year. Watching them grow was one of the true joys of my childhood. This goes to my point. I mean, it's just a very very convoluted confusing name why is it inspired by natasha it just doesn't make any sense oh and also it's octopus so what are we talking about well he should have said this dish is named tosh inspired by my ex-girlfriend and if you'll notice it's why did you have to do that i know you're trying to help me but i mean my god though he should be more angry stop kissing her ass be like her gotta bleep it you have to bleep that

i'd be i'd be so kyle heads out to the hospital natalia is stressed but his face feels like he's taking a punch from a professional boxer. Anything on that, Nick? Yeah, look, take some Advil. I like Kyle. He's one of my favorite people on the show, but dude, you're not Tom Hanks on

the beach of Castaways. I mean, there's Advil. There's medication. But he has an infected tooth. Take some Advil. It's fine. They had to pull his teeth. It was very, very serious. I've lived with the same pain he had for a year one time. Okay. I'm sorry.

I had a work deadline. I didn't know what you were asking me about, but I'm glad you attempted to because, yes, I was disgusted by this. And you know who would even be more disgusted? Bigger Favre. This man has to leave work and leave his teammates because he has to go to the doctor for a toothache pain is letting your body know that you are in danger if you can just mentally understand that oh my tooth isn't going to kill me you should be able to push through especially

when you're leaving other people uh in the line of fire yeah step up they teach you that in the navy seals you know yeah and also this isn't the navy seal so if you're in chronic pain and it's really distracting say you need to go to the doctor maybe lay down go to the hospital get some medicine don't toughen up though we're not a monolith uh yeah it's i mean you gotta you can bigger would be disappointed so um wrapping up pots dessert is served dessert was a real usual suspects type twist i loved it the dessert was there the whole time time false apple now that is a name for a dish that is a name for a dish not morning glory not morning glory okay um it is ganache uh covered apple with um a banana and caramel core now listen this is a lovely idea but this needs to be half the size okay um nothing short of a fresh out of the crate

pow can get this much fucking chocolate fudge down i mean there's no way half of these like anyone consumed more than half of this dish. Well, it wasn't about that, Dale. It was about taking a photo. Well, and also inventive green effort. We don't see that often. Well, you pointed out at the top of the dessert thing, I love how it was sitting there before their eyes and no one was asking about it.

And then where's our fucking dessert? You've been staring at it the entire time honest to god it shouldn't be understated that's 11 madison park shit like you walk out and the holder of the napkins that has been there the entire time although there would never be a napkin holder at 11 madison park but you get what i'm saying the table is the cake. 56 pots. All right, let's talk about Natasha's lovely relationship history. In the most shocking moment of the season, we learned that Natasha was engaged to someone on a boat.

She got bored with him, you know, as you do with engagements, then broke off said engagement while they had a month left living in the same room this woman has something inside of her that is very very scary quick personal story how long we've been going uh too long i'll keep it under 45 seconds yeah hey you know what time it is time to talk about oh uh sex toys it's time to get sexy okay we have to talk about dame now um you know we've voiced some concerns about the product before assuring in the singularity but we've talked to the people at dame and broke bread and had a really productive meeting actually um they assured us that they're only trying to get people's rocks off and that's exactly what's going to happen.

I know. I know it may sound like, I know it may sound like, uh, from what Dylan just said that the executives at Dame, uh, bribed us to say that robots aren't going to take over, but that's not what happened. They assured us that the robots aren't going to take over.

That would be incorrect subtext that you pulled from that. Um, it's time to get sexy. This isn't sexy. How has Dame been helping you and Sheree? It's fun. Uh, my wife has, subtext that you pulled from that um it's time to get sexy this isn't sexy how has dame been helping you and sheree it's fun uh my wife has uh trouble having an orgasm the second i got these dame products boom it's every time and you know what she's more fucking chill that's what you want to say something though it sounded a little misogynistic i feel like you have trouble giving

your wife an orgasm i'm not hurt that. I don't think you should be. I think she should be hurt by the way you first raised her. I'm a selfish lover. Yeah, don't be embarrassed that your penis is one of the reasons why robots are going to take over this planet. Because you don't have to use your penis or hands. Look, I just want my wife satisfied. And let me tell you something.

The second I started getting shipments of these products from Dame, happy wife, happy life. Dude, I think i make uh make more money now because i'm i wake up in the morning earlier yeah and don't get hounded by your wife hey is she using the eva the air or the massage oils it's a rhetorical question stop making that goddamn noise i hope that's not a curse word but But listen, the air is incredible. It sucks gently around the hood. It's unbelievable technology, okay? Go, two.

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with a promo code and whatnot. I support end this ad, because I know we've got to wrap it up with a promo code and whatnot, I support all our sponsors, but I really support Dame. You've got to buy this f***ing product. 90% of our audience is female. Can't curse in the ad reads, though, right? What did I say? You said a curse word.

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I'm going to lose my f***ing mind if you keep soliciting f***. I did it again. I'm so sorry. I'm hot. Go to dameproducts.com. Use promo code below deck to get 15% off your first order. Again, that's dameproducts.com. Use promo code BELOWDECK to get 15% off your first order.

And if you want to take pictures, just have it be an intimate thing you do with your loved one or people you're just getting down with. But definitely don't post them on Facebook for Pat. Let's get back to the show. Okay, 1999. I'm dating Caroline. We date for about a year.

I'm sick of her. I don't want to be. Hold on. Anyway. All right. We already planned a trip back to Massachusetts for my buddy Sebastian's wedding on New Year's Eve 2000. How narcissistic is that to have your wedding on that?

This is the guy from Kitchen Nightmares, by the way. Right. Anyway, a month before that, we already have our plane tickets. I say, I'm breaking up with you. I don't want to be with you anymore. And I said, so I'm going to pay for your plane ticket that you bought to come back to Massachusetts to stay with me. She said, no, I'm going. Right, right, right. Fuck. Right, right, right to massachusetts to stay with me she said no i'm going right right

right fuck right right so she came back with me we flew there stayed with my parents she slept in my parents bed i slept on the couch for the entire week went to the wedding i'm broken up with this girl i hated it the entire time yeah did you guys make love never oh really I was done. Interesting. Wanted to get with Lana. Pat. I just made that up. Pat, you're being gross. I made that up. No, you didn't.

I didn't. That's exactly why I broke up. So, Sea Rat history. Z used to book travel. I made it up. You said that twice, sincerely, earnestly, with that kind of cadence. I made it up like that? You sincerely earnestly with that kind of cadence I made it up like that you said that like that holy shit like we haven't been doing this

for a while fuck man hey how about that club 64 so see right history Z used to book travel and do dishes so he likes structure bravo don't do this unless you have something Z used to book travel and do dishes, so he likes structure. Bravo. Don't do this unless you have something, okay?

Don't tell us about Z doing the dishes and that. I like the guy. Structure. I mean, come on, man. I've said it before. There's a problem with hardworking and competent on one of these TV shows. Boring. And only because Z basically had his dust up with lexi last season and a kind of never would happen relationship with courtney did he get screen time and they brought him back because

he's likable yeah but yeah they're they want to give him screen what i don't even know what you said he just did he cleaned dishes or something well i like z because he is uh nice well and he he's blackout drunk well uh he's he's colorout drunk. Well, he's he's color. I hesitate to say it, but he's color. He's a color character for the show. You know, God damn it. I think he's a little bit of a Colin. Actually, he's the regular one.

He's the regular one. He doesn't do as good of a job at like lending an ear and stirring stuff up. But he's like the regular one that could step back and be like, what? Yeah, he's he's fine. But he's you know gonna drive the show so tosh brings the guests water uh a sign to shut it the down and they do just that that party sucked it didn't even need to be filmed i know they had to because it was was it studio 54 yeah bring in some male strippers you know you got that little tender boats oblivion shale now you got a party well sandy's not okay with bolivian shale on the boat which is just such a bummer

um next morning um well before we get there though um the two most lovable drunks aboard just talk about how they're gonna fucking tear it up tomorrow uh storm and natalia sit down for a cute little chat he asks her to go on a date and we get some real C-Rod stuff here. She's not comfortable with this at all. She just wants to get drunk and not do this. She is guarded and she has been cheated on and she may very well be a saboteur of love. You know, it's a sad thing.

I want Natasha to not be so leery. Yeah, she's too guarded. Yeah. Yeah, and I don't think it's going to be the right guy. She needs a challenge, I think, too. I think she wants... Storm's too guarded yeah yeah and i don't think it's gonna be the right guy she needs a challenge i think too i think she wants storms too nice yeah natalia just natalia she wants to chase oh did i say it's it's tough but yeah they're twins so um let's get to the next day next day jason can't say diamond and he's weirding the other two out they're just a little i don't

know i don't want to be mean but they're different different than him. To be honest, he's only weirding them out because they're the majority. I think Jason's pretty regular, and they're kind of nerdy. And Storm and Z have known each other since they were 12. Z and Courtney are like besties who hung out in Cape Town. Now all three of them are the three mustacheers. And Jason used to trade soy futures in Indiana. And he doesn't know how to relate to these lifelong sea rats. And to be fair to him, like if Courtney was like, just a tip, I'd be like.

Okay, so breakfast is served in the form of crepes. And then Natalia informs Tosh about the quick one she'll be having with Storm. Then we get to the guests departing. Now Kyle heads back just in time for the money and does that shit that fun gay guys are allowed to do, just be overtly fucking weirdly sexual. It's just so bizarre. He reverted to himself as daddy.

He picks Natasha up, pretends to fuck her, and says, Daddy's back, baby. That's unbelievable. He did the same thing with Natalia later. Yeah, it's so much. I mean, it's a lot of fun, but I mean, you know, listen, anyone who thinks that the rainbow shouldn't get married needs to, you know, take a long, hard look in the mirror.

You know, Jesus doesn't care. But can we calm it down with the picking up strange women and just pretending to fuck them and saying, I'm sorry, I'm excited to suck someone off? In my book, Cracking the Code, I tell all the guys, chapter four, location, location, location, go to the Abbey. Pretend to be gay but but but that would be such a rug pulled out from under the women who were consenting to your

overt sexual advances because they thought you were gay but you know i could be turned that is so wrong what a lie all right so i. You want to know the tip? How'd we do? 20 grand. Seems middle of the road to me, but Sandy was really excited. 1,800 bucks each. That's a lot of cabbage. Courtney is glad that the charter is over. She is ready to relax.

She says that she's not going to get as drunk as she used to, but she is going to let her hair down. And then she chuckles and says, well, I'm actually not sure. So let's buckle up for blackout. We get a little bit more history on C red love here. It's all very messy and annoying, but I would tell storm, you know,

this is where he says, like, I'm all about full throttle stuff. And I would just say like, you know, slow roll this, but she's worth it. And we ship you guys.

Don't freak her out. Yeah. It's like trying to pedestray fox might bite you well you have to get on their plane you shoot them a little food you know no no just be patient and loving oh so um let's get to dave and natasha natasha voluntarily kind of an understatement actually like hedonistically more so like this is a vice that she gets high off of, goes and tells him that she is seeing her ex again. Now, this is what I mentioned. He has been hovering.

So maybe this is a little back the fuck up kind of thing. But again, both edges of this blade are laced with some type of toxin. Can someone please plant a fucking weed pen on both of these people and get them off the show? I hope it's a little bit of, what would you call it for Dave, where at least now it's confirming what he kind of knew. Because when he doesn't know. He's not picking up on any. She said, I'm back with my ex-boyfriend, you dummy. Right.

But he doesn't. He says, I'm back with my ex-boyfriend, you dummy. Right. But he doesn't. He says, what's wrong with you? Or he says, what are you doing? But it's not. He's not aghast that she's doing this to him. Well, because he heard for him. Now it's a competition to win her back from the boyfriend that he had. This is the mental castration

he's concerned about her still she's like i'm with another guy and he is coming from a caring place saying don't do that you weren't happy the shining type fucking i mean it's scary like dave fucking get the picture man man. I know. And honestly, what he should have done, which would probably have him seeing her ta-tas by episode 13, is no prob. I understand. No prob.

And then just don't pay attention to her. Four episodes from here, she'll be like, I kind of miss you. I'm telling you. It's a flip. It's a switch that he needs to flip, but he's incapable of doing it. He's incapable. You just go to work, snap your fingers, enter into a parallel universe where you guys are co-workers, have fun, be professional. And who knows? Maybe you can black out and fucking stare at her and she'll come into your bedroom.

Who knows? One last drop at least. So let's get to the date night um it's not going well storm is boring and natalia or excuse me he's boring natalia he is thinking about work and telling her about work don't do that man we're out we're off the boat okay leave that shit in the past we're sea rats it's time to get drunk here's where their relationship is and i think natalia finds this out in this episode dave's a perfectly nice person and will make a great party i'm sorry yeah storm uh but they've only had short bite-sized interactions which is hot because you only see each other working that's

hot but when you have to sit down with each other that's the love language that's where you guys connect and if you right you know and it's too long it's too long of a movie you know it gets boring and then you're like i don't like this movie anymore but i like those little uh reels on that instagram yeah yeah i don't know what i'm talking about i'm all down okay so um kyle cheers to nat not being there be careful he's gay sauron and then we head to the club slash restaurant surfside and more dave turning into a mopey fucking drunk i mean cannot do be pants cannot do this for 15 more episodes just can't have this when we go outside when we go out okay you know jason's a little awkward he's not contributing to the night outness the only

problem i have with this season is they need to turn that shit the fuck up a little bit we're not we're just not going to get that though It's more of a relationship kind of season. Speaking of something that needs to stop, Storm is getting dominated by Natalia. He's killing the vibe, and he's talking about fucking work again, but also, Natalia, take it a little easy, okay? It's 2.15 in the morning. You're nine shots deep. He's a wonderful, hairy gentleman.

Just let him talk to his friend about work. I mean, come on. Well, she keeps accusing him of being over-emotional. I believe that was said to him like three times from her. Reminded me of another person that's in my life, my wife. Whenever I'm like doing something, she'll go, you're being over-emotional. Or like I'll be like, hey, Cherie, that really hurt my feelings when you talked to me

this morning. She'll go, what are you, a victim? She calls me, she does that to me. What are you, a victim? We've talked about it many times. She is mean. Hey, Tucker Carlson, I have emotions. Or someone who victimhood. I don't think that was a good pull.

Didn't fit the analogy. And I don't like having headphones on. I can't hear myself. No one's laughing at what I said. Well, so we get back to the boat, Dave. And when she says stop being over emotional,

if she could have just held off on that a little bit, she would have been accurate because my gosh, these guys are just their head over heels. They're riddled with Cupid's arrows. I mean, they're not thinking straight. When Storm gets back to the boat, he is just destroyed. And Dave is in, again, full shining mode. He's standing at the threshold of his room,

just looking at everybody walking down the hallway. I kind of understand now. They weren't really. He was getting a decent edit in the first couple weeks where his drunkness wasn't this weird. But tonight I realized that, like, I, just, can you imagine being in that room with this guy who's just drunk and staring at everybody? You'd be like, Oh God, I do not want to work with this guy for a couple more weeks. I get it. He, you know, I don't know if Bravo allows you to do this, but he should probably go out to a restaurant by himself instead of going

out with this group. Cause he's a miserable miserable bastard that's exactly what i was thinking when when he was like you got to separate from batasha even on the nights out go off on your own have a nice dinner by yourself ski some ski some mountains or something do something hardcore uh but uh catch a flight go skiing and come back the what's interesting is that jason who's who's rooms with him now the blackout drunk and he's definitely seen it he was he was the the ire the first night right right uh on wwhl and he was also helping dish uh the 411 with andy in his clubhouse he said he was asked who on the boat would you never work with again and he said unequivocally storm you would never work on with on a boat with storm well he tells me to fuck off next week i can't i can't wait to see what storm does that makes him worse

to work with than this blackout drunk who you're afraid might stab you in your sleep well we'll find out next week because the not gate is going to happen um and more fun stuff from Bravo's Below Deck. Guys, thank you so much for joining us. Go to patreon.com slash another podcast network for more content. Housewives, the entire season of Below Deck Down Under. Jump in the iTunes ratings and reviews. Leave kind five stars, five words.

What? Also, join us on YouTube. Subscribe. Hit the likes. Comment. Watch the premieres. Help us out in any way that you can. We love you very much for listening. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Nick, say goodbye. Goodbye.

Pat, say goodbye. Bye, guys. Thank you.