Another Below Deck Podcast - The Difference Wine Can Make | Below Deck Med S7 E8
Episode Date: August 30, 2022Dylan, Nick and Pat are back to break down chicken picatta, workplace romance, wine pairings, the gay migration to Iceland, pancake nipples, hot people named Frank, Sandy's kryptonite, the ick and muc...h more from Bravo's Below Deck Med. The full season of Below Deck Down Under recaps is ALREADY available only on our Patreon at https://Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkAlso available is our coverage of Below Deck Sailing and Love is Blind seasons 1 and 2 for both shows!Check out our merch!https://anothermerchstore.comWe also cover Bachelor Nation very week on Another Bachelor Podcasthttps://bit.ly/AnotherBachelorPodcast_YouTube
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We used to go to this Italian joint called Maria's down on Ventura Boulevard, Sherman Oaks.
I love that place.
I used to get the, what do you call it where you put the wine in the pasta?
Don't you know that?
Patrick.
Yeah.
We have, we do.
I want to hear it though, but I feel like we're slogging.
The waitress said.
We're slogging, but I have to do this because there are so many Italian dishes.
With wine in them.
Yes.
With the pasta.
And chicken piccata.
Yeah, that was it.
Okay. with wine in it yes chicken piccata yeah that was okay welcome aboard another brand spanking new episode of another Below Deck Podcast.
My name is Dylan. I'm saddled up next to one.
Real. Nicholas. David.
Ahoy, mateys.
Pat, producer of the podcast over there behind my glasses.
Permission to come aboard.
Permission granted. Public service announcements. Take them away.
Well, Dylan, are you going to talk about how we're going to have an interview in the middle of the show?
Well, I don't think that we've really decided whether or not we're going to do that.
I somehow think Chef Ryan interview, big, bold, its own thing, but no on-air production.
We talked to Pete Serret.
Yeah, we'll talk about it off mic.
So why don't you strike one for public service announcements?
I thought it was a good effort, and we got some stuff out of the table that we hadn't really discussed.
So now it's top of mind.
Thanks, Pat.
Oh, public service,
we need you to go over to Patreon
because we got a lot of great stuff
happening over there.
Yeah, Real Housewives.
We got all the old episodes
below that.
Look, I plugged the hell
out of this.
If you were here,
you know what we're doing.
What you want to hear
is that Ryan interview.
And I would say
badgering people for money
is one of the biggest complaints we get now,
but we have to keep doing it.
Yeah, we have to.
I know.
We have to make a living.
The numbers grow.
It works.
So last thing I'll badger you for, because we badger you for money, we do get some negative
reviews.
So if you could.
Oh, great idea.
If you like us, if you love listening to us, please.
Help us out.
Jump in the iTunes ratings and reviews.
Leave five stars. Kind words. Tell your the iTunes ratings and reviews. Leave five stars,
kind words.
Tell your friends,
tell your family.
We're getting into the show right now.
And we begin with thoughts and pots.
Pat,
take it away.
All right.
I actually enjoyed the episode.
I think you guys are going to say that you hated it because not a lot happened.
Yeah,
I was not a fan.
Oh,
you weren't.
Okay.
But it's not my,
I just love all the flirting with Kyle. Kyle is hilarious. He's a lovable character. Right, right weren't. Okay. But it's not my part. I just love all the flirting with Kyle.
Kyle is hilarious.
He's a lovable character.
Right, right, right.
And I just love that he-
Really inappropriate shit.
Oh, he should be fired.
Right.
I mean, he actually sat down,
what seemed like for an hour,
just having a cocktail with-
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, no, he should definitely be shit canned.
But I enjoyed watching it
and I love him as a friend.
Hey, I'm not on that boat wanting service.
Right, right, right, right.
I'm not his boss.
Who am I to judge?
I'm just a regular person talking about the show.
You're just Pat.
I'm Patty.
So anyway, I like that part.
I was upset that Natalia and Storm kind of seemed to work it out.
So I guess it's not going to work out with me and her.
Well, you, sorry, you're no longer.
She's my TV girlfriend.
Well, I thought that you weren't tv girlfriend with her
anymore well i've already broke up with her yeah i thought you were drunk the last couple episodes
yeah no because i think that i mocked you for uh how heartbroken she was going to be about that
whole thing um but anyways not my thoughts pots oh sure sure okay all right uh and now i like the
dynamic between uh and Dave,
where I think he's starting to get some of his power back,
because he's now got a case of, you know what?
I don't give a fuck.
Well, she'll siphon that out very quickly, but yeah.
Well, all she has to do that is you want to go shag in the shower,
and he's right back to where he was, that weak, weak man.
Dave, don't do it.
He's a lemming with a six pack.
I like Dave. I've been Dave. I've been Natasha. I've been everybody in this little love triangle. weak weak man yeah no dave don't do it he's a lemming with a six pack all right i i like dave
i've been dave i've been natasha i've been everybody in this little love triangle you've
been kyle oh yeah i flirted with people at work inappropriately yeah when i owned that tanning
salon i banged everybody that worked there i was doing a gay thing but anyways go ahead you were
the boss in a position of power that's way way worse, Pat. Way worse, Pat. Oh, that went past the mustard today. How many pots?
Zero.
Oh, I mean 100.
Wow.
What a turn there.
Holy crap.
Quite a chasm.
Yeah.
Nick?
I'm surprised at Pat's prediction that I wouldn't like the episode,
because, in fact, I did like the episode.
I also.
I'm my chammy man.
Yeah.
Orphan Esther is actually a 33 year old former
prostitute type twist everybody look out for orphan too yeah norman's his mommy too
but i i too really enjoyed the flirtation between uh kyle a worker of the vessel and a primary it's
something we've kind of always known could be a storyline, but in our years of covering the show, haven't really seen.
I know there was some inappropriate goings on with Hannah and some guy at one point.
Right, right, right.
But in our era, it has yet to be seen.
So I'm really enjoying this.
I hope they take it way, way too far.
And I think, Pat, even though you did denounce her as your TV girlfriend last week,
you can hop back on that train anytime.
And I think she's available because even though they smoothed it over,
I think she has the ick, and she's not into Storm at all.
He has a stick up his ass ever since he got that position of quote-unquote power.
I love the episode.
Other stuff to get into.
100 knots.
Yeah, I'm going to give it four pots.
A lot of meanwhiles tonight.
Not a ton going on.
Jason and Storm drama. Well well let me transition i feel like he's
gonna meanwhile when i don't want to meanwhile tonight um so the show falters when it spends
too much time on the deck scrubbing uh railings and stuff listen i um above deck moments have given us a lot of juice.
You know, remember that time when that misogynist asshole Ashton almost lost his leg.
A fitting punitive measure for somebody like him.
Maybe not.
That's a little.
He tried to get coke for me when he came on.
Dude, he was.
OK.
Let's not.
Why do you look at me and think I'm the one with coke?
Well, you read coke i do oh yeah
yeah but um maybe i'm asking too much of the show because there was some fun stuff
above deck are you okay yeah okay i hurt my feelings um maybe there was it's okay i read mean go ahead um i don't read okay
um all right it's back on yeah we're on track now we're on track now so uh above deck drama
not that exciting tonight as about as exciting as it can be still not great we really need on this show
below deck to be humming and not the entire show but i mean the activity of the interior
we didn't really have that tonight tonight was more of a deck crew episode which is why i did
not like it too much um i'm shocked the whole the whole penultimate thing i mean i didn't get
oh you said four pots so i feel like you you have to get into your thoughts on pots.
Oh, well, there was plenty to chew on with this disastrous wine pairing.
Yeah.
It's going to be a lot of fun.
I feel like six pots.
You're right.
You're 100% right.
Seven pots.
It was a great episode.
Because from the second she started bragging about how this was so different, the nice restaurants,
and how it was going to elevate the service, I was like, Dylan's about to have a field day.
Yeah, well, we'll get there.
So, shall we?
Please.
How did we start the episode while I try to find the Google Drive app on my fucking phone?
And this is the morning after that crazy night out where an Italian storm broke up because he talks too much about work.
But once again, I thought, you know, her and I were going to work out.
But nope, she is pretty forgivable person.
She can put it behind her.
Him, all that talk about, you know, all the responsibility that's weighing on him.
She's able to let that go.
And they kiss the next morning.
And that's that's that
yeah okay so we we last left off with kind of like a trademark messy night out with the sea rats
no sucking fucking but plenty of exaggerated heartbreak and whatnot um like you mentioned
storm is almost in tears and i do want to just take a second to remind everybody that dave was
hanging in a door jam,
staring at everybody like a serial killer.
That's what we were doing last.
So we rise with those,
you know,
obvious hangovers.
And,
um,
we,
we also rise with messages of love from just another cock who has fallen
prey to the emotional warfare tactics of our dear Natasha.
Now he says,
uh,
I love you.
And she says, good morning.
Look out, buddy.
Look out.
Your heart is going to get shit on once again.
She's going to lose interest very, very soon.
And I don't blame her.
You're smothering her.
We'll get to him in a second.
I mean, like you paint him as this soft sap.
Like they are perfect for each other.
He cheated on her multiple times
from all accounts and then he starts uh he's he's he's gonna start and previews every scene
saying she can't even work with dave when he has like no eye on the situation this guy's a huge
piece of shit yeah oh the guy texting her yeah he cheated on her yeah they've been together for
five years they own a dog with each other and they own a house together oh the part they're party animals yeah got it but she said she cheated after he cheated multiple times dave
dave has been out there saying uh she complained about all the times he cheated as well this guy
is no i mean he could be a cuck but he's he's definitely not innocent can i tell you something
really stupid that i did uh you know i've talked about my personal life quite a bit. Is this a personal story?
It's brief.
When I broke up with Ashley, I basically said, hey, this is over.
And she's like, where the hell did that come from?
She got really upset.
And I was like, well, you kind of know where this is coming from.
And this is the stupid thing that I said.
She was like, don't you want me back or something?
Where was it coming from?
My stupidity?
No, no, no.
She said, where is this coming from?
You said.
Oh, okay. Two years earlier, we were in Palm Springs. springs we went and got a spa we're having a great time we had sex we're at
uh staying at this nice hotel in palm springs having the best day of our lives both got a lot
of champagne we're hanging out the ace huh uh no no i forget what the name of the hotel was the ace
it was where frank sinatra used to hang on anyway we're sitting in bed and she says uh do you think
we'll ever get married and i said
now and then she cried and then you said you mean that two more years yeah but i told her i don't
want to be married you know what it's pieces of shit like you that run out the biological clock
on women she was young that's why i dumped her oh okay well still okay so she was 28 when i dumped
her but that's not where i'm going with this okay so she's telling me like hey uh it's been two weeks since i dumped her and she's like hey don't you want me back and i said look and she was 28 when I dumped her, but that's not where I'm going with this. So she's telling me like, hey, it'd been two weeks since I dumped her.
And she's like, hey, don't you want me back?
And I said, look, and she was saying I was acting like a prick.
And I said, because we're still living with each other.
I said, Ashley, no one wrote a book on how to break up with someone the right way.
And then I thought, yeah, I'm pretty sure there's a bunch of books.
A bunch of books.
And can I just make an attempt to, I just want to request that you amend your language a little bit.
Okay.
And you didn't write a book,
but I'm assuming there's a chapter in breakups
in how to close ass for less money.
No, no, but other people have written books.
So that was stupid of me.
And if I could try to amend your lexicon a little bit.
And again, you don't have to take this
with anything more than a grain of
salt you often speak of your exes lovingly longingly but when we do get to the termination
of the relationship you often say yeah i dumped her and i just her mother was the deb okay she's
super annoying right but if you could just say we broke up rather than i dumped her. And I just. Her mother was the Deb. Okay. She's super annoying. Right.
But if you could just say we broke up.
For my.
Rather than I dumped her.
Well, I want to.
I want to let the audience know what was going on inside my head.
And listen, I shouldn't talk.
I've been listening back to us lately and I've said horrific things about people and I'm trying to change.
I have a book on Buddhism.
Maybe it'll take the edge off a little bit.
Buddhism. Maybe it'll take the edge off a little bit.
For the timeline slash my
upcoming segment on
our other show, another podcast show,
what specific years did you date
Ashley? 2007 to
2011. Thank you. Great.
Like you mentioned,
Natalia and Storm
do have a little bit of a makeup. She says
you were a tragedy last night. He says, I agree,
and they move on. You see, Natalia? That's the way it should go. You see, dave that's how it works um except natalia has the ick and i don't think that guy's
getting laid anymore this season right but um listen all heartbreak cannot outweigh the most
important thing we've got a job to do and that job begins with the preference shake meeting The Preference Checkmating!
Adam Spinner is a brilliant New York-based technology executive from Long Island.
He loves to take full advantage of his success and lives an opulent you're not gonna do anything with the surname okay spinner liam okay all right go ahead i was gonna bring out a chart of all the different versions of gays
yeah that is pretty funny a new one i i was uh golfing with a gay friend of mine over the weekend. He said zaddy is a term for like hot dad in the gay community.
It's like dilf, but it's called zaddy.
Oh, so we don't have any zaddies in this.
Hell no.
Oh, Pat, how about when I get to them, if you can remember who they are.
Some of them have descriptors.
Oh, okay.
Then we'll do it.
Adam Spinner, he's a brilliant New York-based technology executive from Long Island.
He loves to take full advantage of his success and lives an opulent lifestyle going on extravagant vacations with his group of friends.
Adam recently turned 30, impressive, and wants to celebrate by taking his favorite people on charter with him.
Joining Adam is his sister, Jenniferifer a fiery and fast-talking
new yorker jennifer dare jennifer's dad i thought she was a guy uh we all did jennifer's daring i
didn't i just thought she was a lesbian and can you cool it we're walking he asked me my thoughts
okay no we didn't we're walking into choppy water so if we could cool it on that kind of shit right
and i'm and i know i asked, but I'm going to say.
I thought she was a guy.
I'm going to say.
What the fuck?
I'm going to say don't do it anymore because besides Jennifer and Liam,
who does have somewhat of a description,
there's no way you have yet to tell these people apart.
Steven, a successful New York-based actor,
is used to being in the spotlight and is always the first one to get the party started,
a.k. started aka if you
want poppers go into his bag right uh which i i believe i don't even think poppers would uh would
be contraband uh i don't see i don't i don't know the laws drugs uh you guys know about poppers of
course okay well a lot of people don't was ecstasy uh it it's not it's like this thing you stiff up
your nose and you just kind of get lightheaded but it's kind of like whippets for your asshole oh nice uh but you can do it just
to like party and have fun but if you do it hard to fit a helium tank in your asshole yeah you'd
be surprised but if you do it during sex it'll make you come almost immediately nice uh well
you know that's the beautiful thing about gay sex um tragically you can just call it no no no gay sex
in particularly uh in particular heterosexual coitus has deprived us from having our prostates
milked um it's a long lament from dylan yeah our G-spot is tucked back there,
and the gays have a beautiful opportunity to have that button hit like a combo.
And I don't long for it,
but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't.
And I'm not accusing you of this,
but just because you're not participating in anal sex
doesn't mean ass play and the pleasure derived from that spot can't be utilized by you and your wife.
Right, totally.
And I subject my wife to enough horror, so I think I'm just going to have to say goodbye to that one and let it slip into the tranquil and hold.
Liam, a friend of the group, is a personal assistant and drag performer.
Liam plans on bringing his drag persona, Bambi, along and making a grand entrance.
Gasper is a friend and London-based photographer.
Gasper?
Casper, sorry.
And London-based...
London-based...
Yeah, I know.
There's a ghost on the board, a spooky ghost.
Making a grand entrance.
Casper is a friend...
No, just a friend and London-based photographer
who is also joining and wants daily morning mimosas.
Also coming along is Daniel, a successful attorney, and Daniel's husband, Mike.
These two vegetarians have traveled the world and expect to be treated like royalty.
The final friend of the group is Frank, a project manager at a tech company.
Everyone is looking forward to an unforgettable 30th birthday party for Adam that includes scuba diving,
snorkeling,
and playing with all the water toys,
including the slide.
Adam also requests
for an obstacle course
to be set up
for a friendly competition,
which is forced upon them
by Bravo as a trope
to kill off one episode per season.
They would like
an around-the-world dinner
with each course
from a different country
and a little bit-
They asked for that.
Yes, yes.
It can't be.
Nobody ever would ask for this. Just no one. a different country and a little bit they asked for that for yes yes it's that it can't be nobody
ever would ask for this it just no one it has to be a multiple choice okay it just has to be that
there's too many people ask for that themed dinner and just a little bit of background on uh our
spinner friend um okay because i if i can be honest with you yeah you want it to be over yeah i want
it to be i know well they're the interjections it to be over? Yeah, I want it to be over. I know. Well, the interjections, it would be over.
Right, right.
Well, let's hope this information has a lot of merit to it.
It probably doesn't.
It'll end when it's finished, though.
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started that when he was 16 yeah i gotta say um and does that conclude the well done that concludes Well done. That concludes the Pref-a-cheat meeting. All-timer. I got to say, dude, imagine being that wealthy at 30.
Well, first off, I love these guys.
Good for you, dude.
These are people that I see walking around on Earth, and I'm like, all right, where the
hell did you come from?
And I'm very envious, especially-
Because of the prostate thing?
No.
Oh.
They're washboards.
Once you hit 30-
Oh, my God.
So hot.
Genetics tell you. Everyone's skinny when they're washboards. Once you hit 30, genetics tell you.
Everyone's skinny when they're 12.
So when you see, well, for the most part.
Not a majority of Americans.
No, after 30, genetics weigh in, and then you get a big fat dad bod or whatever.
These guys are all 30 plus, and they're all banging and know and looking good i i love it oh it's amazing it's a caligula like uh existence what did you just smack yourself i'm trying to kill a fly okay so um well now we're in the first two minutes of the
show yeah i know so we'll uh there's a lot to chew on here so dave is jacked about this entire charter he's very mopey right
now the slide is on its way and like you said we've got another c-rat competition coming up
but let's begin with another quote-unquote couple talking it out now this is another chat between
dave and natasha that has the emotional maturity of primordial soup. I think we're all pulling for Dave
to tell her that he's done fawning
and staring like his jaw's ripped off
and he can't feel it,
but he goes about this the wrong way.
She is, and I don't want to project this on her,
but she seems like,
not like she's trying to keep it alive,
but she's just, she's welcoming the melodrama it's her mana
that's what she exists on um but he does a couple things wrong here one he says i guess we're just
done now you're on your own well yeah obviously dave arrived at that conclusion three, four days ago, man. You'll be a lot better off.
Two, don't occupy the other end of the spectrum, okay?
You've gone from mush to almost bullying her in this situation.
Bullying?
Yeah, he's like, you know, I could have done better than you anyways.
It's like, all right.
Well, she gaslit him.
Hey, you think because the cameras are watching,
he's supposed to be a bigger person than this?
This is real life being caught on camera.
I've said horrific things to people that did this to me.
What is wrong with you?
He's sucking on ice.
No, he's got his blueberries in his mouth,
and he's chewing into the mic.
He's sucking down sangria.
I just ate wheat chocolate with a plastic wrapper.
I muted myself.
He muted himself like a gentleman.
You didn't even hear it. Now I'm get a little high well i apologize now it's really
clogging up my throat all right so dave is kind of aggressive and a dickhead here yes but this
is him taking back his power and going like you're not gonna fuck with me anymore i will be
professional i know he doesn't use those words sandy has to come in step in well but he also says i'm not gonna let a person fuck my job up and listen i know it takes two to tango is that
not true though well buddy i mean i think we've got a book for him right extreme ownership by
jocko willing good god i feel for him she's been lying to him gaslighting him emotionally
totally totally we've called her a succubus, but also, Dave, you're weak.
You're weak.
But this is a scene where he's saying, I'm going to work.
We'll work together.
But I deserve better than you because she's been lying to him.
We don't know what she told him when they were bedside at night.
IMO.
IMO.
Pendulum swung back the other way a little bit too far.
Thank you.
Well, he doesn't.
Oh, what's I?
Too far. It swung back the other way, which you would have been like Oh, what's I? Too far.
It swung back the other way, which you would have been like, okay, but he thinks too far.
So he still doesn't agree with it.
In walks Captain Sandy after Natasha throws out a soft ball, a soft Hail Mary about how they need to talk more about, talk about more than just work and that he's behaving unprofessionally if he does not engage
and exchange pleasantries with her natasha fuck off okay you've almost destroyed this man um i i
actually even though this is the hooks still in him kind of thing that she's doing it's it's
it's crazy because i agree with both you i believe the pendulum swung a little bit the other way i
was happy to see him grow a little bit backbone and not stable in front of her uh she's probably a little bit attracted to it but i also thought
absolutely i also thought it was risky of him because he's lucky he still has a job if she
would have acted traumatized when he sent those texts you're a slut right she could have got him
fired right so for him to flare up all of a sudden i thought that's what she was doing when captain sandy walked in she was like well dave evidently doesn't think we can work
together yeah well so she she turns from succubus to something even even worse and that's a rat um
sandy walks in and she says that uh she's trying to talk about work with dave but it's
it's not working and this doesn't take, you know, I think that Sandy.
Handles it well.
I think that she sees.
I think that she sees.
Let me say, can I give a few thoughts on Sandy? You know what I mean?
I think she sees.
She's a seer?
Yeah.
Okay.
I thought she was injecting herself a little too much into the personal stuff, but actually
I take that back.
She was basically like, she talked about work a lot a lot like but you guys are still going to be able
to coordinate menus right because it's all about customer service right and anything any of the
bullshit you guys have going on doesn't matter because it's about serving the customers right
yeah so you're going to do that right and he does agree that he will be professional well and also
it was an inaccurate ratting because she said that he doesn't
want to talk about work and it's like, no, that's not
what's happening here, Natasha. You're trying
to continue to water the seed of
anguish and heartbreak that both of you have planted
together and he's just saying, leave me
the fuck alone. When we need to talk about
Eggs Benedict, we'll talk about Eggs Benedict.
He's not saying I don't want to talk about work.
Did you know up until 10 years ago
what was the number one way to meet your future spouse or partner?
Going to work.
Work.
Oh, right, right.
Now it's online.
Yeah, now it's online.
So sad.
And then like third was weddings.
What?
I never met anybody at a wedding.
Everybody shows up with couples.
If you're looking for somebody, get out there.
Go to brick and mortar places.
Love trips you when you're not
looking you know talk to your barista like who knows talk to someone in line don't go don't go
to i once banged a girl i met in court i mean i was there because i got arrested these are the
kinds of romantic experiences you could be having and people always say like oh sign up for a class
don't do that do regular stuff you do out socially because all the people in the classes are losers
Hey, can I talk about Santa here? You know, I shit on her for what five years now. I like her
Okay, I like her but I do have a theory here
So she works this whole thing out
We I guess we can talk about it more like how she kind of interjects herself in the relationship becomes a basically a relationship
therapist slash a work therapist.
Our regular old Wendy, whatever it is.
Wendy Walsh.
Everything is great, but then she does something really stupid.
As they, as she leaves the room, she says, this is the first time where a boat man's under her watch went wrong.
End quote. Hey, dummy. a boat man's under her watch went wrong end quote hey dummy don't you remember when that psychopath
who that chef came on from malia he was verbally abusing her manipulating her and he was throwing
shit around and then he wanted to quit the boat i forget that douchebag's name malia broke up with
tom tom okay she said oh god do you have a joke? I'll let you hear your punchline.
Tom.
Well, what I was going to say
is Sandy's doing great this season.
And, you know,
I pointed out that I used to call her
Captain Timeshare
because she spent a lot of time
in which part of the boat?
Galley.
The galley.
When she said this insane thought,
where was she?
She was in the galley.
The galley. It's her kryptonite. Whenever she? She was in the galley. The galley.
It's her kryptonite.
Whenever she enters that room, the kitchen,
she loses 50 fucking IQ points.
Oh, wow.
She needs to stay out of the galley.
50 is a lot, man.
Here comes a-
She's drooling on herself.
A philosophical question.
Yeah.
When do you tell a child Santa's not real?
Four?
Twelve.
Hey, guys, let's take a quick break to talk about a wonderful sponsor,
that being Dame Products.
You know what time it is.
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Beat off with the massage oil.
Yes.
I like to just oil up, turn on everything with a switch and just roll around my bed
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Yeah.
It's kind of like a game of popcorn.
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Right, right.
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Okay.
So we have to move on now.
Courtney is patting her head and rubbing her stomach successfully,
docking the tender.
Sandy's proud.
And Kyle is growing engorged at the sight of these hot pieces of dick
that are about to come aboard.
He says that this is really going to test him.
What?
Can I tell him something?
Just don't fuck them.
That's not a hard test.
No pun intended.
Slow your roll, sir.
Let's get our balls polished before we jump ship.
You know what I mean?
Let's not put the cart before the horses.
Okay, got it.
Who are we talking about?
I missed that.
We're talking about Kyle.
He's ready to fall in love and quit.
I mean, he's already seeing the future with Frank.
It's like, dude, test drive. You don't know. It the future with frank it's like dude test drive
you don't know it could well you can't test drive while you're you know working that's what
his test is i don't know if i'm not going to be able to not fuck these guys you know um
don't so wine pairing is going to be the thing that takes their service level from
here to here um wherever that begins and wherever it ends is open to interpretation, but we
move on.
It was about four feet.
Yeah.
Four and a half feet.
So Kyle and Natalia are, yeah, from Smurf Shots to Vuf Clicquot.
Pineapple Smurf.
Actually, I had a note like, oh, we're going to do wine pairing, so no blue Smurf blowjob
shots.
Oh, no, they were there.
They were there.
Because she ran out of time. I'm getting ahead of myself. We're getting ahead of ourselves. Oh, no, they were there. They were there. Because she ran out of time.
I'm getting ahead of myself.
We're getting ahead of ourselves.
So Kyle and Natalia are playfully at each other's throats,
and we get some more texts from Natasha's boyfriend turned ex-boyfriend
turned boyfriend renewed.
And I have to say, I know he didn't really consent to his texts being on the show,
but because we have them, I think we can say this is just a pathetic human being.
He's texting, you're the hardest person person you're the hardest working person i know do you have a job go do something else you fucking weasel what who is texting someone like this at
this age it's just fucking this is a crazy dynamic though dylan which i think is fascinating the
first time i caught it imagine having a partner that you're really, these people,
they're young,
all that.
What do you call that?
All the juices flowing in their brains.
They're not old like me where I don't care.
Hormones.
Yeah.
Hormones.
And then your partner that you're really into goes on a boat with people that
are the same age as them all in their late twenties,
early twenties,
whatever.
Everybody's fucking each other.
We know these sea rats.
And now you're all day long obsessing and being jealous.
It's almost like if you're a day long obsessing and being jealous.
It's almost like if you're a polygamist asshole who couldn't not cheat on your girlfriend,
keep sowing your oats until she's done with the show because then she won't cheat on you.
And you won't say really fucking embarrassing shit that gets put up on chyrons in front of America.
He should sue.
Yeah, he should sue.
But really, he should just calm down and stop texting like this so um it looks like she has a very clear type that being like abused
animals you know shelter dogs hand shy people uh so anyways uh it looks like the slide has finally
arrived and we've got a bit of an issue they evidently get the slide on it's a very heavy
heavy thing can i just say it doesn't weigh 500 pounds?
I saw how they were handling it.
Yeah.
We're talking like 180 or something like that.
Well, Storm says that if that goes on the tender, it's going to quote unquote crack it.
No.
They eventually do get it on the very same boat that he said was going to crack under its weight.
And if you thought something was 500 pounds, would you stand underneath it as people are rolling it
on top of something that you're next to?
No.
I do this for listeners like Robert Brown.
You know, fuckers that are detailed people.
They care about the machinations of the yachting industry.
I call him the gray man because he's got gray teeth
and he's mean to me.
Robert?
Yeah.
So let's... I actually and he's mean to me robert yeah so um let's
i actually would love to talk to robert yeah not me i'm one of me too
robert fine we'll do a one-on-one i'm gonna release it on our patreon you guys talk and
he dm'd me he was on above deck pod we're way better than them don't listen to them yeah but
they had they had super fan bob on and and he DMed it to me in Facebook.
He's like, you might want to listen to this.
They had someone you might be interested in.
I fucking love Robert Brown.
We're talking.
One and one.
New pod.
So Sandy had-
Another Below Deck Podcast 2.
They had him on?
Can we stop now?
That was too much.
And when you get aggro like that, it makes it uncomfortable.
Robert Brown is a hilarious subject.
You know what's very uncomfortable?
What?
For the thousands of people who have no fucking idea who this human is to be listening to us talk about him for, what, two, three minutes?
I'd guess 30% of our audience knows about Robert Brown.
So Sandy heads out as they're heaving the
slide aboard and she's very helpful she looks down upon it and she goes hey that's 500 pounds
so um kyle is maybe she's like rain man when they they drop all the toothpicks right 500 pounds
72 uh so kyle is chubbing up and getting ready for the honeys to come aboard. One of them is already target acquired.
He says, I hope they've got a hot gay boy.
That would be so fun to do.
Jesus, man.
Cheer, queers.
The conversation.
Well, that's what they cheer to.
Oh, cheer queers.
Got it, got it.
I am jealous, and I believe Pat would be too,
of just the conversation a gay man can get away with.
They can throw out some lines and everybody just laughs.
I'd be put in prison.
I'd suck everyone's dick here.
What?
Okay.
Nancy in HR wants to talk to you, Kyle.
This is the problem with the wealthy.
Oh, is Nancy a homophobe?
I think she'll be speaking.
We won't be speaking at all.
So the guests hop aboard home.
Little do they know it's a vessel they could see their lives come to a tragic end.
But they are very excited.
Pina coladas are served.
The pina coladas are yellow.
I thought it was the plastic glass from 99 cent store.
I think it was, you know, Tosh is very, very interesting.
She makes drinks spicy by putting Tabasco sauce in them,
spicy margaritas.
You know, we had a disagreement with that,
but I'm going to just stick to my gumption
and just say categorically never do that ever.
And now we've got yellow pina coladas,
which, you know, there's pineapple,
but the drink should never be that hue.
I just don't know what's going on with these introductory drinks.
They're just they're just missing a beat a little bit.
So as the luggage is arriving, we see the cracks splitting wider between Storm and Jason.
We've already had him shirk off Jason's plan for the slide.
And now we have, hey, Storm, do less.
Indiana J, listen, man.
Not for you to say.
Just not for you to say.
He notes later, and it was a quick line.
He's like, I don't like authority.
Well, that's going to be problematic.
Well, he says he doesn't like authority when he knows they're objectively wrong,
but because of his soy future trading i think he
thinks that he knows the smartest guy in the world yeah i was just gonna say like i i believe his
story like he he was probably making like 150 grand in indiana like doing something super
fucking boring and because he took this step down to seek adventure, he looks down upon lifelong sea rats
because he knows he can return to his cushy, corporate, boring job.
No, you are not one of them.
You are dirty and you smell
and someone on the street would drive past you
if you had your finger out.
Yeah, it's like Commodus trying to be a gladiator, you know?
Yes.
Yes.
Wait, he did it though.
Is that Russell Crowe? Oh that yeah i mean he got killed oh
okay so cheers to the queers kyle is crushing glad to see that we've got a group of straight
friends aboard hilarious i mean he's just he's just he's just so funny but let's he has a
residence in the mediterranean and he just went up up on stage for another night and got killed once again.
Can I tell you his first singer?
Because you've got to come out.
You open with a great line, your first line.
So the guests arrive.
He nails his first joke.
He says, glad we finally get a charter with some straight men.
That was a good one.
Bam.
Glad we highlighted it.
Nailed it.
Should we talk about it?
Do you listen to Back to the below deck episodes later
no he said that he said he just said that you just said that yeah he did oh i was sad and it's a
chronic problem oh you have um i wasn't gonna say anything oh and i was um but i i'm constantly
torn between should i interject and say i'm fairly confident that what you're going to say
was said 10 seconds ago i i pointed it i pointed it before you said it watch the video nick knew
it's okay mine was better yours was better it was the same so uh it would seem that storm has
mastered the functionality of the walkie talktalkie. Excellent job navigating between these pizzas.
Kyle fixes his hair in the only sliver of stainless steel he can find,
and now we get to Pancake Nipple Frank.
I got to say, ugly name for such a handsome man.
Yeah, I agree.
But, you know, you got to have one ding against him.
His life can't be perfect.
Right.
The jawline on that guy, unbelievable.
37, he's not going to be ugly.
He can be in his mid-50s before
he starts uh being a porker you know you know skin starts getting bad super but imagine having 55
years looking good i mean most of us get like i don't know 22 right people peek out after high
school i also thought it was somewhat ironic for such a beautiful uh gay man to have this name but
it also lends itself to puns and porn.
A Frank could be a big strapping gay guy in a porn.
Like Frank, Frank Johnson, Frank, Frank.
Oh, got it.
Fucking Frank.
Yeah, no, I see what you're saying.
But I agreed with actually basically the premise,
and then I tried to yes and it, and I regret my and.
Well, listen, man.
In order to yes and, you have to listen and at
least you do that you know what i mean i am listening no no i was throwing a shot oh oh
i gotta i have been typing for 15 minutes yeah no it's astounding i gotta pay attention to my
notes so um i think we've got our first rule breached uh kyle and pancake nipples are i mean
they're just mentally ripping each other's clothes off maybe even sucking each other's
cocks i have no idea what's going on in the frontal cortex if that's the part that does that
but um this is hot and heavy straight out of the gate he tells the girls that this is going on and
natasha his boss is just like hey have fun yeah there's no way natasha has any qualms with this type of inappropriate behavior.
It's like one for you, a bunch for me.
Yeah.
Can I tell you the attract?
Because, look, Kyle's cute.
Kyle's cute, and he looks really good.
I think he knew he could kind of feel.
He looked like he did a little bit more to himself.
He paid a little more attention with his hair or something.
Kyle's a bear, if we're going to categorize people.
Is he a bear?
I thought you needed to be hairier.
He's a hairy man. He six three two uh this is what i want to say about the wealthy or whatever this happened to me you know i'm in the service business i work for people
i go into a like a house driver or sneaker head uh different jobs you know but i'm working you
know i'm a working man got it and women or both sexes uh when you hire someone to
show up at your house you think they're kind of fucking hot you know they're banging a hammer
there's something sexy about watching someone you know uh beneath you there's oh sorry it could be
yeah yeah but there's an attraction to someone doing their job really well right i'm always
attracted to waitresses because i think that's kind of hot them walking around bouncing around
they're in control of the room you know yeah like can I get you some more cottage fries?
Yeah, yeah.
And sometimes the –
Extra mustard, please.
And sometimes they'll like – as they like approach,
they'll like touch your shoulder.
Right.
Oh, I one time – I had a girlfriend, Sasha.
Personal story.
Real quick.
We used to go to this Italian joint called Maria's
down on Ventura Boulevard in Sherman Oaks.
I love that place.
I used to get the – what do you call it,
where you put the wine in the pasta?
Dylan, you know that?
You know the wine?
Wasta.
Anyway, so I order this,
and we've got the same waitress every time.
Patrick.
Yeah.
We have, we do, I want to hear it, though,
but I feel like we're slogging.
The waitress said.
We're slogging, but I have to do this
because there are so many Italian dishes.
With wine in them.
Yes.
With pasta. And chicken piccata. Yeah, that was it.
And this particular waitress sat
down to take the order. That pissed
Sasha off. Very inappropriate, she thought. It would piss me off, too.
We had a guy at Chili's when I was about 14 and he kneeled
and he had his arm on my shoulder.
I didn't like it at all.
And I really can't stand those restaurants where the culture is that they're rude to you.
Oh, yeah.
Fuck that.
Dick's Last Resort?
Something like that.
Shut the fuck up.
Go fucking.
That's a performance, though.
Totally.
But I don't want to go to that performance.
I do.
So anyways, we move on i actually there's not a dicks within fucking 200 miles a year uh one of the producers
um after another bout of flirting says some could argue that you've been already being
unprofessional i love this uh because you're a hairline trigger away from brushing the tip
of his dick as you walk past him he said that and uh kyle still
mvp says yeah i'd agree was i yeah he said was was i being inappropriate yeah a hundred percent
yeah yeah i love i love how we hear the producers well i actually thought you were being inappropriate
yeah whoa okay yeah i was i'm more entertaining than you that's why you're behind the camera next
question uh so let's get to lunch little torture on a stick for dave uh poorly garnished tacos for everybody else uh
lunch is once again not divulged to the viewing audience we've got so many salads so many tacos
and all they give me is talking about fucking tasha's coward boyfriend texting more words of affirmation.
It's like, give me details on the food, please.
We talked about knots for five minutes.
Can you tell me what the salads are?
Can you tell me what the tacos are, please?
My God, Bravo.
Top Chef is one of your top-rated shows.
Give us a little bit of sprinkle
when we've got food hitting the table.
My God.
Six pods.
I wonder if they ate any of it.
I don't understand how you can keep that body
if you're slamming down fried fish tacos.
Cheat days are an effective way.
I feel like they're on charter.
We're going to live,
but we're going to get up at six
and we're going to do some fucking burpees.
Right, exactly.
They work really, really hard
and they could probably each do 50 burpees. know i don't want to say not breaking a sweat
but they could do it pretty easily so let's get to um should we do burpees see if we can do one
day i could probably do 15 before i really you know i have no really gauge they're hard yeah they're hard so let's get to knots and
indiana j being quite a little asshole um i wish i knew more about knots um the only one i can tie
is the one on shoes and i have a tough time with that sometimes i have no idea which narrator to
rely upon but regardless saying fuck off to your bosun yeah he's being no no bad boy no no don't do that i actually am gonna
go with uh jason as really had the right bow line or who who was right within the argument because
the problem was there's there's two different bow lines and jason there you go jason even posted on
his instagram it's his most recent post the two different types of bow lines and the one he chose was the more intricate
one that I believe
Storm was not familiar
with. Yeah, this is the trap that
Bravo kind of lays
for the Sea Rats. Jason,
no one cares.
And you shouldn't tell your boss to go
fuck himself. Nobody cares. Storm
was looking for a simple bow line
but
what Jason did was
with a bite so uh the gays speak of migration to iceland and of the european confusion surrounding
ketchup and marinara uh apparently gays gays uh find iceland a hot spot yeah and also uh lots of
mozzarella sticks with ketchup there yeah yeah they should
put that on a you know an advertisement you know listen i'll dip a mozzarella stick into ketchup
that is not such a culinary sin i mean it's fried it's trash cheese you can't you can't
yeah what are you gonna do fuck that up it's a string cheese deep fried. So, excuse me. The storm informs the crew about Bowline and Fuck Off Gate.
And we've got a Lord of the Flies situation going on here.
Jason, you are henceforth known as Piggy.
Yeah.
You know, until you're shoved off a cliff.
And it's such an unfortunate thing because I don't really know if I like any of these four that are on the deck crew.
Oh, you like Z and the court.
I mean, they're fine, but it seems like they're kind of nerdy,
and they're like the nerds have risen to power and kicked out Jason,
who's like, I don't know.
I don't like him either because he's so prickly and he's an asshole,
but it's like because of the preexisting relationships with Storm, Z, and Courtney,
the man had no shot.
No shot.
When in any other boat,
he could possibly be the one ostracizing one of those people.
Right, he could be the ones that caused the nerds
to take revenge upon him.
He's super buddy-buddy with his really experienced boats,
and they're like, yeah, fucking, we got this woman.
That's not happening, because that would be nauseous.
So lots of flirting and a lot of water toys,
and we've got to get to dinner prep,
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So moving on to more of this show.
We've passed lunch.
We've passed the nuts.
And now we get to the wine pairing
slash dinner party. It is
known that they have a wine pairing tonight.
That being an accompaniment to a
coursed dinner always.
Now, Dave has himself
a bit of a pizza rat moment here.
He says, fuck that. I'm putting it all out on the table.
Now, he
admits that he's aware that that's not going to work,
which begs the question, why are you doing it then?
Because it's kind of like that old adage,
with a minuscule amount of power comes a minuscule amount of responsibility.
Natasha's clueless, Dave.
She's talking about doing a shot pairing with the buffet,
solving nothing and
only making the situation leagues more confusing and he just sits back with the knowledge that this
is not going to go well and he just decides let's watch Rome burn it's fucking insane well one of
the more absurd things is yeah of course there's pairings with meals and courses but it would be a
full plate of pasta that you would have a glass of wine paired with.
It wouldn't be a one-bite sampler,
which is, I guess, the rub here, right?
Man.
You're going to have a full glass of wine
with a spoonful of fucking,
I don't know what the hell that was.
Yeah.
What, are you?
Yeah, you are.
Okay, you're like, wow,
because he has that wrong,
that point was trash.
Oh, well, I've had a Michelin star restaurant where we had a full course meal and it was
full plates of food, not one bite with a full half glass full of fucking pita.
Well, you know, that's why when you go to, you know, really intense, coursed out meals,
15, 20 courses, they don't pour you huge glasses of wine, but you get tanked by the end of it.
That's why you pay up so much for that stuff, because you get really nice wine.
But regardless of whether you want to go Pat's route or you want to go, you know,
11 Madison Park, whatever you want to do, the buffet with the wine pairing is not going to work.
Well, I agree with that.
It's just not not going to work well i agree with that it's just
not ever going to work and the fact that he said he knew it wasn't going to work but didn't say
anything uh completely contradicts him saying he has the ability to be professional when not
talking to tasha 100 he would have put his foot down or there would have been some discussion how
we make this work but he just let it happen and she's like oh my god
her arms brushing up against me
when we're fucking rolling out this shit
you brought that up because when he
does you know require her
help to hold the pasta roller
in place you can kind of see
a little
it was it was it's coming back well it was
the ghost moment where they were going to be around that
pottery thing you know except it was the ghost moment where they were going to be around that pottery thing, except it was pasta.
Need a meanwhile.
A meanwhile.
Storm gets tragic with Natalia again about Jason.
They work on the slide.
And Kyle is working towards completing the devil's deed.
What was that?
The devil's deed?
Is the devil's deed just sex?
Or is it being prideful so um he takes
his break by sitting and chatting with the gay boys who he is now told about his dick drought
i mean i don't want to be karen but come on man i mean this is just so unprofessional but the good
news is none of this matters none of it if you're reading revelation the devil's deed is getting into
a war with archangel michael right i'm wondering if it was uncomfortable they cut it out we didn't
get to see it at some point when like you know kyle's in his state of grace he's having the
best time ever he could fuck any one of these guys he's thinking in his head they're all mixing it
up and then uh it's broken with a record scratch going um kyle do you mind getting us all a martini oh well forgive me i
thought i was part of all this yeah yeah yeah so um anyways uh we have to move on to storm and jason
jason has a problem with authority like we mentioned when he knows that set up authority
is completely wrong um they're speaking of lines and winds and trampolines and jason just decides
to ignore his boss completely now storm is pretty chill about
this whole thing he's got a good head on his shoulders he's not going to go alpha up against
him and he's not going to rat either which i appreciate it sandy called him up to the crow's
nest and i was like oh here we go he's going to spill the beans but he does not i liked him in
this moment yeah i like storm he said he needs more time for him to figure out how to best work with Jason.
That was big of him.
It's always nice when someone doesn't rap,
but I have no disillusions that he did it to protect or try to teach Jason.
He thought he would look weak if all of a sudden he's having insubordination.
I like that take.
I like that take.
Yeah, yeah.
You don't want there to be chaos of your underlings.
He'll wait until I have something to really nail him to the wall to rat his ass out.
So let's get to dinner.
Tosh has come up with a brilliant plan.
Throw all the shit on the table, pour one glass of wine,
says drink it quick and with that dish.
$60,000 a day.
So Dave, who is equally if not more culpable for the impending disaster,
is sharpening his knives.
He's doing around the
world now we've discussed this before it is the soda suicide of fine dining uh whatever you've
got in the fridge throw it on the fucking table and say this themeless dinner does actually have
a theme around the world this time street food this time he's gonna do street food you know
lobster ravioli you know when you're walking down the streets of rome and there are just
hawkers vendors yeah just going hey what do you got over you want some street food we've got
the ravioli lobster bisque and ravioli lobster bisque you know when you're walking down the
streets of paris and they're like hey we've've got smoked tuna tartare for your jaunt.
Every time I leave the Hollywood Bowl, there are countless vendors cooking up cheeseburgers.
I also thought, knowing nothing about food,
it was an interesting choice to follow up the lunch of street tacos with the dinner of other street food.
So my question is, why the fuck would you not course this out
like this is not a kind of thing that's like dave was being a petulant asshole when he was like no
i'm putting all this stuff on the table why why do you need to put lobster ravioli tuna tartare
cheeseburgers and bao buns all out at the same time. There's no rhyme or reason.
I know we're going to end the show real quick.
One of the things I hate about buffets
is certain things should not be mixed with each other.
What kind of buffets are we talking about?
Like a Vegas buffet.
Old style.
So you go there, you pay 60 bucks all you can eat.
And now you're looking, you got the Asian area over there.
You got the Italian.
And so you think, I'm going to be a pig.
I'm going to eat my mac and cheese and then I'll get some
biscuits and gravy. It
never works like that.
Things have to have a cohesive
bonding
of the elements for it all
to hit the palate correctly. I'm so happy that you said
that because buffets are
a trap. It's a troth. It's a lie.
You walk in and you think,
oh, I'm going to do some damage here.
No, you're not. You're going to eat
$49 worth of
food and they're going to have profited
and you're going to leave and you're going
to feel sick. Well, your tummy's going to hurt.
You're going to feel gross and you won't touch that pool because
you look like a big fatty. You're going to fill up your
first plate with all breadsticks and then
not have any room for anything else.
Sounds like a personal experience. So tuna is up first. The smoke
just blows them away. It's trickery.
It's a culinary carny trick. It's the first half
of smoke and mirrors. They were all like, whoa.
They were also like, whoa, at Natasha's beautiful
sommelier work. She pulled out a bottle of vu wow well she
she says it's just so crazy that this is such an expensive occasion um and then they call this
five-star service it's just unbelievable um she has an incredible description of pretty much each
and every bottle yeah she's reading uh she says she has the wine uh the she she she says the
vintage the grape and that it's going to be dry um again does no one aboard these vessels have
enough fucking taste or class to ask who makes the wine what crew does it come from she's just
going this is the sauvignon blanc from 2019 it's dry oh it's 2020
like so this year unbelievable what year is it from oh this year we move on it pairs with a bisque
because it was also served third we move on to the buffet style getting nuked uh classic
sea rat shit here hey actually now that all the food is cooked let's switch this up um
dave i know you're not happy but you had an
entire day to fix this so good on the malleability but bonehead move next course next wine another
great description of the wine vintage grape also quite dry lobster ravioli singular with a lovely
little bisque next up is a chianti classico pairs perfectly with the black truffle bao buns and or burgers.
It's just it's it just blows me away.
It blows me away.
Can I say something, though?
Maybe the pedigree of our I'm so sorry.
Not only is it written out how things are going to be course, but also Natasha.
You don't know the difference between a burger, a cheeseburger and a dish from the Orient that you've never heard of before.
How are you?
All right.
I'm hot.
That's fine.
I'll say this. The customers, which is all we care about, they seem happy.
So, Dave, you cool it.
Kyle, cool it.
They're happy.
If they're not bitching, they're right where you want them to be.
Let them drink some wine and have, I don't know what the fuck.
Champagne paired with not a single course.
Well, after the charter guests are done with them.
This will match.
Then Natasha and Dave should be jerking off Kyle simultaneously
because he's the real one, the reason they're happy.
I guess that's a good spot to end.
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