Kill James Bond! - The Scandoval feat. Ruby Wrenn

Episode Date: March 11, 2023

Pat and Dylan are joined by Dylan's sister and all knower of Vanderpump Rules, Ruby Wrenn. We talk Rachel, Darrell, Tom Scandoval, North Hollywood, origin stories, lightening bolts, canaries, pools of unsafe water, Brittany's love of corn and brown brown foods and of course The Scandoval.Join us on Patreon at Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkFollow our audio versions of Another Below Deck PodcastApple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/another-below-deck-podcast/id1216741721Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/1rmalsUw5vtXAXWo6RwsRxCheck out our merch! https://anothermerchstore.com

life decisions okay sheena shea just briefly and then we'll get back into the slideshow her first husband was a full-on raging drug addict yeah like pills right yeah yeah i don't know where he is now he's probably dead ribs he's on bumble there's a lot of stuff on tv but not all of it's good in fact a lot of it's bad TV. Joining us today is my baby sister, Ruby Wren. I'm very excited for this, Pat. Why are you holding your cans like that? Well, because I'm hearing a lot of room noise.

I know, me too. Oh, it's that microphone of your sister. It's the super mic that Ruby's on. Ruby, will you say hi to everybody? Hi, everybody. Okay, so I am very much looking forward to this because uh it's a show where me and pat don't really need to do anything um ruby is going to walk us through the entirety of the developing pop culture phenomenon that hath pretty much been developed already um known as the scandal dylan okay so um this has been taking the world by storm the new york times is reporting on

it the new york times actually what were we watching the other night and watch what happens they have like a cnn they have a scroll they have a a scroll on their website dedicated to the Skandoval. So what Ruby is doing right now is, I don't know, it's like a, what do you call it? What do you call it? An in-depth review of the history? It's more of a recounting. It's like when you do like a self it's like a public uh good like like oh uh public works public service that's that's exactly what it is it's public service for our

fans to break down this thing known as the scandal now let me set this up that was really good dylan pitched this to me now i love ruby but i'm like you know if you're gonna come in here into the pat cave and you're gonna be on the here into the Pat Cave and you're going to be on another podcast network, you've got to bring something to the table. And I was thinking, look, has the meat been picked over? I mean, everybody, including CNN, is talking about, what's her name, Rachel in Scandival. And I'm thinking, is there anything left to give new to the people?

And in fact, there is have you're going to go through a history of the show right ruby i am and i would also encourage the two of you god your mic sounds so weird i don't know why that mic sounds so weird you're making me feel very no no it's not your fault he does that to people and now i'll just speak into it yeah i guess go for it i would like you two to ask questions because it's it is it's the truth is stranger than fiction in this instance um and it has been for like a decade which you know where else can we say that well so so pat and i were discussing like is it worth having her on like we should probably just not have her on because she could ruin the show and stuff how's

that coffee by the way delicious i don't think it's as strong as i wanted it but uh oh it's strong it is ribs what is that a large iced vanilla americano dry with three-fourths powder nice okay so um what we landed on though was that your um quasi we landed on though was that your um quasi psychotic encyclopedic knowledge of this show would provide new insights or old insights but what whatever they are we're going to gab we're going to goof and we're going to learn everything we can possibly know about the scandal a couple questions yeah um because this is going to be the barometer for how my understanding of how psycho ruby is for the show and that sd card only has 43 minutes on it so may a call but we should get into it but i'm just letting you know ruby yeah several of the cast members live in a one mile radius of this studio right have you been by their homes not since coming home but in my life yes of course okay because jack Because Jackson... Don't...

Jax. Yeah. Come on now. Jax and Brittany? Yeah. Oh, I thought you were going to say Jackson as his full name. They don't even live here. No, no, no.

He is a Mortal Kombat character. Did you know that Kristen lives one block from here? No. Oh, right, in her cute house. In her lovely, lovely house with a character that's actually built of wood. Yeah. If I had a good arm, I could throw a rock from where we are and I could hit it. Well, and Jax and Brittany used to live around from mom, right?

They, do they? Yeah, of course. They all kind of do. But yes, Ariana and Tom technically live closest to mom. Okay, cool. So we're in their backyard. This is the City of Angels. But the question was asked to see how psycho Ruby was.

She knows where they live. Oh, that was the question. That's right. That's right. The second question before we get started. Look, I've been watching the show. I've been in and out of it since it started. I actually, a little confession here.

I would tell my guy buddies, watch Vanderpump Rules and know the cast and the episodes very well. Then go to a bar where there are lots of females, if you're a single guy or whatnot, and start talking to your other buddy about what happened on the last episode of Vanderpump Rules. And if you want to think women don't listen when you're talking, it would pull women right in. Yeah, and it'll pull them in right away, and the women will be put at ease because they'll

know that they have two gay men that they can talk to right next to them. They're not going to get hit on. But that's when the bait and switch comes. That's the bait and switch. That's the trap. That's that little fish deep in the ocean that has the little light that hangs off its forehead. An angler. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And the fish goes, hey, what's that light? Before you know it, you're in his fucking belly. Right, right, right. He ate you. Yeah, okay. So the Scandival explained a breakdown of the developing pop culture phenomenon is a psychotic PowerPoint that was created by you and your friends. You've done, dare I say, academic work on this.

Yeah, I also want to clarify that this was originally sent to me by one of my dearest friends, but the PowerPoint presentation in its original form was sent to her by her coworker, whose name I truly do not know because I've never met, but this among many other things on reddit and this specific template yeah which is designed through microsoft powerpoint like i didn't do it right it was just there it was

it asked for us to hey ruby uh i don't want to tell you how to do your business ah next time just take full credit for it no one's gonna check to check. Just say you did this. You know what this is like? It's like a pre-con, like a pre-constructed deck that comes out with any new set of Magic the Gathering. Out of the box, it's competitive. But what you can do is you can buy singles and kind of jack it the fuck up. There you go.

You know what I mean? So next time. So let's get into it. The card only has 35 minutes. Fine. Can you hit play on it? Because it's not. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.

Or what happens? How do you? I think you, oh, well. Oh Because it's not... Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Or what happens? How do you... Oh, okay. No, no. No, no. No, Dylan. Dylan, Jesus Christ. It's just like...

What? You want it to be full screen? Oh, okay. All right. Okay. Well, how do you go... Okay, got it. All right.

So, Ruby, begin. The Scandival explained a breakdown... A breakdown of a developing... Culture phenomenon. Next slide, please. The Scandival explained a breakdown. A breakdown of a developing culture phenomenon. Next slide, please. Okay. Thank you. That's the title card. Yeah.

Very important. A little history. LVP and Ken invested $500,000 into Sur in 2005. So that's Lisa Vanderpump, her husband, Ken Todd. They move over here from Europe. They think that the restaurant is a good idea. And lo and behold, she five years later appears

on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Also known as Rob. Yeah. Everybody kind of loved her, I think just because she was British and had a lot of dogs. Big boobs. Now I can't explain their wealth.

I've always pondered that. They lived in the Beverly Hill Estates for a while. That is like Eddie Murphy lives there. You have to have a B in front of your portfolio to live there. As far as I can gather, all they've ever explained, their wealth was accumulated by owning clubs and restaurants. I don't know. Restaurants eventually go down.

Their Villa Blanca, which was before this, is out of business. Sure, sure. It's just not. It's something you get into to have a little fun. Right, right, right. And you make your money. And then eventually, the good-looking people won't show up anymore, and you're done. That being said, I've never, even when I was a good-looking young man, never got in through

the doors of Sir Lounge. I always got turned away. Wow, really? And I used to go there with hot dates too. Wow. Never made it in. Oh my God, that's so sad. That's terrible.

Sorry to interrupt. No, I'm so sorry that happened to you. Oh my God, what a painful life experience. Yeah. The girl that I went on a date with, that we went and had drinks and dinner, and then we were going to go there, the fact that we couldn't get in

deemed me a loser in her eyes my god yeah and uh yeah she never uh she never returned to me yeah okay so what's up next um okay so then basically her staff were sort of featured a little bit they they liaised with uh real housewives of beverly hills okay also the restaurant sir sexy unique restaurant is what it stands for they were hot they were young they were sucking and fucking each other. So naturally, Andy Brilliant Cohen said, let's do this. Right. Vanderpump Rules was born.

Well, I don't want to tell you your history, but Sheena Shea was banging Brandy Granville's husband. Of course. Of course. But that happened before the show. I understand, but I just want to just take the limiter off of you and if he sasses you

again or does anything like that again please feel free to quite literally have a blood feud out on this this is why I love

brothers and sisters for sure I love the relationship I'm sorry go ahead I just want to clarify you knew that already yeah I know

but that in terms of bloodshed that i'm probably i like bloodshed a little even more than dylan i love bloodshed ruby is a vengeful vengeful young woman again i don't want to be disrespectful to ruby's retelling of the history of this but it was the episode on beverly hills housewives in which lisa vanderpump said why don't you go talk to Sheena Shea? I believe she was banging her husband. And that's when Brandy went over. Is this productive?

Is this productive? That's how the show started, dude. Patrick, I don't want to be aggressive toward you. Okay. That was in season two. And the only reason that I know that is because I had to look it up because I thought that that's what they did

with Summer House and Vanderpump Rules. Remember when they merged them together and they had that two hour? And we were like, why is this episode of Vanderpump Rules so long? Andassi's kyle is blacked out in a hot tub calling stassi steve jobs because so apparently according to pie on my face i'll shut up from now on according to whatever it was and if i'm wrong and everybody's screaming at me don't say anything because my self-esteem can't handle it um i think you're right and i think garbage tits is very proud next slide

next next okay early couples that we must know tom sandoval kristin dowdy tom schwartz and katie I think you're right, and I think Garbage Tits is very proud. Next slide. Next, next, next. Okay. Early couples that we must know. Tom Sandoval, Kristen Dowdy, Tom Schwartz, and Katie Maloney. Jason, Jax, Couchy, Taylor, and Stassi Schroeder. Oh, that's right. And they were fired for being racist, I believe, so they're not really that important, but they're important for this history. What was that again?

They had a kind of a, oh, sorry. Tweets? No, you, go ahead. Okay, so they had an ancillary girl that worked, a figure on the show that worked at the restaurant briefly who happened to be a black girl. And Stassi and Kristen went on a podcast talking about how they'd actually made a phone call,

I believe to 911. And I think it was a joke that they were telling on a podcast. Bravo got wind that they were basically calling a fake 911 call on a black girl and they were thus terminated got it got it got it and what did jacks do uh he bored us he was just dumb and a drunk and a cheater i believe that he was racist uh tweets that was okay got it and and we can say goodbye to jacks because what jacks is doing now is he has been comfully kind of What Jax is doing now is he has been comfully kind of sewn into the couch of domestic bliss.

He is eating corn. Jax! He is eating potatoes. He is eating country fried steak. Various different crock-potted proteins, and he is happy. Okay, next slide. Everything's brown. Tom and Kristen, they were together for a very long time, around five years.

Everybody's cheating on everybody. Eventually, and this was just a catastrophic, beautiful moment for us all, Kristen admits that she had been fucking jacks for a while, including a time where Tom Sandoval was asleep and he went down on her. Okay. He was there. So that's them. Wow.

So Tom has been cheated on before. Well, they've all cheated on each other, Dylan. Tom has also cheated on. This is why I have a little issue with this drama, perceived drama. The whole show was built on friends fucking each other's partners. Right, right, right. Oh, you're all offended by this now. This is where we're getting, we're at a bit of a Rubicon crossing here because we're experiencing the same thing with Summer House

where it's like, and Vanderpump went through this. It's growing pains a little bit when you realize that the og cast is phasing out a little bit they're getting older they're getting more monogamous they're getting fatter they're getting more boring you have to bring in a new crop of people now the new crop of people could be absolutely horrible nobody wants to see new people come into the challenge you know we want to see johnny bananas go at it you know what i mean but But Johnny Bananas, he's puffy. And he's, all right, let's get to the next slide. Puffy he is.

Tom Schwartz and Katie. Okay, they've been together since forever. They were an OG couple. They got married in 2019. I truly have lost count of how many times he's cheated on her. There are very epic moments, one of which when they were on vacation and and she was crying on a patio, and she said to him that she just wanted him to listen so that she could feel heard. And he said, the problem is that I hate the sound of your voice.

And at a different time in Katie's life, when she dyed her hair orange, he poured a drink on her in public. Oh, that's right. I remember that. Schwartz gets away with kind of golden retriever stupidity a lot but schwartz is a gross he's gross right next point somehow i do not know how he is still deemed endearing i don't get it but you're exactly right yeah that i remember that scene i remember that scene i was like whoa that's like physical assault right that is physical assault she's like on television uh you know now she had admitted that even before they got married

that they weren't having sex anymore. They were basically like friends on TV together. Right, right, right. Okay, yeah. You should probably probably not get married. What's your thought, Patrick, on their nicknames for each other which is Bubba? Well, I call my wife Babu. So very similar. So I think I'm okay with it. What are your thoughts

on it? I think it's fine. I just was wondering because you guys were saying that people should call each other laser which I loved. When did we say that? You said it. Okay, next slide. No, no, no.

Excuse me. Katie's just and again I don't want to speak ill of her because she did eventually say we should get a divorce but it took her a while and she does still

Katie's going through it right now. I don't know if She's been going through it forever. Yeah, so Katie Katie's going through it right now. I don't know if... She's been going through it forever. Yeah, so Katie's been going through it forever. I'm excited for her to get some new dick. Me too. Well, she... We watched... Was it the first episode of the new season we watched or was that episode two the other night? That was...

I'm sorry, four. Four. She went up and she gave her number to a guy with tattoos and a mustache. And it was one of the saddest things I've seen on reality television in a while. Was he not attractive? It was heartbreaking. No, it wasn't that he wasn't attractive.

It's just that the way she went about it, like Rachel's like hooking up with Oliver and Lala's a scorned mother now all of a sudden. And Katie's just like, I can give you my number if you want. And he's like, all right. Yeah, it's fine. It's just like. By the way, this episode, we might have to put an SD card in here because I want to break down Sheena Shea.

There's a lot of these individuals. I want to say one thing. sorry to digress for a second one of the things that i think is appealing for this show because these people are rolling into their late 30s at this point sure now where i come from which is a filthy yucky town in massachusetts uh lemonster lemonster 37 um it was possible you could be a grandparent oh yeah or dead i don't know if it's the weather there but your pubes already turned gray you lost your hair yeah this show i think is for many people uh an outlet for feeling like you never you're eternally peter pan yeah yeah yeah and because these people are older and they're acting like they're in high school. Right. But why reality television and shows like this

are particularly damaging is that this is nothing that should be looked on with any reverence whatsoever. What we're looking at are people who are trying to fight off responsibility and the unflinching ruthlessness of time. Well, some of them... And their lives are being ruined as a result of it.

And by the way, making amazingly bad life decisions. Okay, Sheena Shea, just briefly, and then we'll get back into the slideshow. Oh, please. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Her first husband was a full-on raging drug addict. Yeah, like pills, right? Michael Shea, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I don't know where he is now. He's probably dead. Rips? He's on Bumble. Oh, he is. Yeah, or maybe he's off it now, yeah. I don't know where he is now. He's probably dead. Ribs? He's on Bumble. Oh, he is. Yeah, or maybe he's off it now, but that was last year. He produced that chart topping hit,

it's as good as gold. Yes, he did. Which she sang at her wedding. Yes, she did. Her first wedding. First wedding. Now, when you say chart topping, you don't mean that.

I think it might have charted. I don't know. It's horrible, though. Okay. Okay, so then she marries this new guy. Yeah. Did she marry him yet? Yeah. Okay. So then she marries this new guy. Yeah. Did she marry him yet? Yeah.

Okay. This guy has a kid in Australia that he doesn't see or acknowledge because the mother is a bitch. DVD. Deadbeat Death. Deadbeat Death. But also even more so,

and she might be a bitch, but I believe that the reason that they are not together-ish is because there are domestic violence issues. With him. Yeah, and when he explained it to Andy at the reunion, he was like, no, there was a phone call, and I hit a, I don't think he actually said I hit her, but everyone was like, that's not okay, bro.

And so, I don't know. But let's procreate with himate with him sheena thought that was a good idea i'm sure that's all gonna work out sorry no you're a hundred thank you for that addition and you're right also sheena is just a caricature of i don't even know what like a bratz doll that's eternally 21 it's shocking yeah we Yeah. We were, that episode four, that famous episode four, I keep going back to, she's in a rock climbing gym

with 16 inch acrylics on that are different colors and she's a, I'm going to make a disgusting confession. How do you even rock climb with those? I'm at the airport.

I'm flying out to Vegas for business. Dylan, I think I was meeting you out there. I'm with the wife. We're in line in line security check i'm obsessing on this girl that's in front of us okay greatest hottest little body all done up whatever and i'm like men do this i'm sorry ruby we sound like pigs but you guys have your own little emotional stuff that goes on in your minds yeah and what pat does is he often refers to things within the feminine

sphere as little. It's a microaggression and he's working on it. Right. But I don't want you to be triggered by it and just know that it's about him. It's not about you. I need to work on myself. Thank you. Pat, and that drink is not a weak drink. It's dry, which means

there's no water in it. So it's just four shots of espresso and you just suck that thing i'm feeling very alive right now yeah yeah maybe we we do need a new sd card because this could be three and a half hours i'm on the plane and i'm still obsessing on this girl's ass that i was just staring at for five minutes the wife goes hey i i didn't want i wasn't sure if you knew this but uh you know vanderpump rules'm like, yeah, that was Sheena Shea in front of us. I had been obsessing on her ass. There's, she,

all right, I don't, she can't have a face like that. Well, no, so one of the, so she actually, Brock, possibly abuser Brock, allegedly, Well, is he? Yeah, is a gym,

he's a gym man. Oh, he works out a lot. And she's very, actually, I will say, I believe after maybe she got divorced from Shay, went on a kick of fitness and not eating sugar, and they went on a trip. She's got a great right hook,

because she took out Raquel's fucking face. Her name is not Raquel. I mean Rachel. We are dead naming her proudly. We are dead naming her proudly. Next slide. Okay, thank you. Okay. Season three is wild um

kristin starts dating james things take a turn in season three yeah ellipses sorry thank you he is deliciously arrogant and i mean that it is it is delicious how unbelievably arrogant he is when he comes on um ariana and tom officially start dating everybody thinks that they were hooking up while tom was with kristin they deny that at some reunion i can't remember um they say that is not true katie cries a lot schwartz cheats on her a lot she says propose to me or we're done uh no more rings on strings was he gave her after um they had been talking about marriage, he gave her a ring. Okay. It was a necklace.

Okay. It was a ring on a necklace. So she said, but what? Yeah. Hey, so just to guys out there, if you didn't know that you shouldn't do that, know not to do that. Now, can we talk about James Kennedy really quickly?

White Kanye. He's got that really condescending english accent yeah yeah very uh i don't know is it is it essex i think it's more posh than that is is essex not posh i don't really know hey dylan i noticed you're just sipping on that my heart is pounding really fast right now. Should I be scared? You shouldn't be scared, but you did ingest a lot of caffeine at once. You said it's not.

Essentially, it's the Long Island iced tea of caffeine. Jeez, it's got four different alcohols in it. Yeah. One of those will get you wasted, man. Or all four together. Right. Yeah. Okay, sorry.

But the good news is you took an edible, and that will balance everything out. Don't forget I killed a bottle of champagne before we started. I'm a mess. So it's a Friday. It's a happy day. We're hanging, and we're talking about this cannibal. Now, James Kennedy is deliciously arrogant, is quite a bit of a euphemism, I would say. He is a rat-faced, annoying piece of shit.

Of course. He is a rat face, annoying piece of shit. I mean, of course, is there any single human being that likes James Kennedy? Me and Pat talk often that one of the keys to a good reality television show is someone you hate. I feel like James Kennedy is a black hole of hatred on this show. You couldn't be more correct. He, he calls women fat and asks if they're pregnant. Oh, wow.

Specifically Katie. Oh, that's right.'s no but yeah not not cool never ever ever can't do that but it's like you should be okay if it's katie i'm not gonna agree okay next up wait whoa dylan what okay sorry no sorry i sorry you're right okay all right i don't know how many seasons stupid shit happens between this they eventually break up um it's pretty epic breakup scene he comes to her apartment and james yeah um kristin and james sorry thank you patrick he spits on her door um gross yeah it's disgusting uh she's wearing a lightning bolt necklace which will become relevant um very relevant very fun oh wow this is a it's not who knows it's probably just that she had a necklace that was a lightning bolt eight years ago but now it's very

relevant it's an icon okay um also uh at sheena shea's wedding first wedding where she wears the crop top um also she makes everybody um the just a fun note about sheena shea's wedding also she makes everybody the just a fun note about Sheena Shea's wedding she the wedding singer for her like entrance song starts too early so she sings like I believe like three fourths of the song or the entire song who is a friend of hers

by the way and Sheena screaming at everybody is like I'm not I'm not walking down she started no sing it again and then I believe she starts it again and then Sheena walks down the aisle oh my god okay so I love this I have two questions and then I believe she starts it again and then Gina walks down the aisle. Oh my God. Okay. So I love this. I have two questions.

You know how I'm addicted to spoilies. I can't ever really get glacially to the end of something. I need to know what happens. So I'm very, very piqued by this lightning bolt necklace. I do not understand the significance of it and I kind of want to just get there.

Don't say a word. Okay. Okay. Number two, this is, are these the doldrums of Vanderpump Rules? Like, how many good seasons of this show have there actually been? First three?

Fire. And then? Probably, like, one to six. Like, when Sheena was getting married, when Kristen and James were punching each other at weddings, like, those were good. probably like one to six like when sheena was getting married when kristin and james were punching each other at weddings like those were good when lala gets introduced and everybody's like insecure because she goes swimming with her top oh yeah like all the girls which she jumps in like uh what there's an episode of naked and afraid where um a guy jumps into a pool and he's

like a cowboy and he's been bit by all these different animals. Do you remember? I think we were watching that. Anyways, he jumps in the cesspool and he gets some type of amoebic dysentery. That's kind of what the body of water looked like that Lala jumped into a little bit when she took her flat butt and boobs out.

Yes. Yes, you're correct. And everybody like Katie and Stassi and everyone. I know this show. I'm curious to hear your thoughts on Lala, Ken, even if we go long, just a to hear your thoughts on Lala, Ken, even if we go long,

just a personal conversation, not on Mike, because I think you are who you sleep with. Randall is a scumbag, and I know now she says things like, I would wake up in the middle of the night and I'd be like, I don't know who this person is next to me, and I just know that he's bad or whatever. It's like, no, you knew.

Let's talk about Lala really quickly toxic toxic female i think she's toxic female we may have a lot of little baddies may turn in their baddies lala lala has become a patron saint of the scandival because of send it to daryl and all of the flaming so we're we're very grateful for lala but again i mentioned it this scorned mother thing is absolutely laughable the fact that she can even be on television pretending like she is a committed wife and mother of ocean is just beyond me what are your thoughts on lala kent please rube i know i agree i think that although we do things in our 20s that we grow up to regret, I think, I don't think anyone that I know

was saying things like, I don't know. You shouldn't be sucking the dick of married men to get a Range Rover. And if you are, then you shouldn't be surprised when that guy does that by sucked that by someone else you in seven years they just i have no the and then go on tv and cry because you consider yourself really smart but you don't know how you got here yeah right well i do right everybody does we watched you get here we walked right behind you and we said don't go here la la yeah no no i i

james kennedy referred to him as the fat man. We were all the angel on La La's shoulder. Mm-hmm. Okay. Yes, we were. Well said, Ruby. Moving on. Thank you. Anyways, Ariana and Tom are pretty chill.

Like, nothing really happens with them. They move in together into their $2 million farmhouse, which she remortgages so that he can play with his bars. Andy Cohen recently asked Lisa Vanderpump if she knew, because a while ago, I guess Lisa was like, make sure that when you do that, that you're protected, so that if anything happens with the bars and stuff, that you won't lose your shit.

And she was like, I hope she did that. And Andy was like, do you think she did? And we, there's no... Wait, wait, wait, I don't understand. He's taking money out on the house. She owns half the house. If the bar goes down or something goes down, that's her money too that can go down.

Are you honest? Yeah. Did I recap that right? 100%. Yeah, so when you say... Unless I don't understand homes. No, no, no. This is my bad because there's a bullet point

where it says she remortgages their home so he can play in his bars. And honestly, and this is on me, I thought of, I was confused about bars. I thought, are they exercise bars? Are they monkey bars? And then you guys started talking about finances and equity, and I was really thrown and lost. But now I understand that that thought pattern was really silly

because we know that Skandival is in bars Tom and Sandy's or Sandy and Schwartz's whatever next bulletin point yeah sure so bulletin point go ahead Schwartz and Katie get married he loses their marriage license

at least once I do believe twice and like nothing whatever he just keeps cheating on her she cries a lot they like talk about having kids but they're like and it becomes this weird ongoing joke and i don't know you two are married to speak about on tv even not your wife just your partner about like the amount of times that you have sex when it's like a very like we have sex like once a month that's which is why that is so disrespectful to do to your fucking life is that not weird but they're on tv right that's the only interesting part of their lives no you're right so but i always thought it was really sad watching them too

because you could see how miserable they were and it was very clear i call them tv marriages or tv babies they clearly are doing this and they're staying together because they're stronger together or at least they thought that for a while, to keep those contracts with Bravo coming in. You know what I mean? Totally. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I think, yeah, saying once a month is a little intrusive. If it's once a week and you're complaining about it, then you should shut up.

But anyways, next slide. Yeah why not okay here we go we have gotten through a lovely 30 minutes and we have not even mentioned the bambi-eyed bitch known as rachel but here she is here she is um all right who the fuck is Rachel, not Raquel? I don't even know how to pronounce her last name. Levis. Levis. Sorry. Levis.

Former pageant girl. You know what it is? You know what the white noise is? It's rain. Is it the rain? Yeah. Oh, that's nice. Oh, that's so cute.

Okay. I thought it was the heater. No, it's the rain. Okay. I thought it was the heater. No, it's the rain. Okay. Keep going, Rube. Sorry. Sure. She, when we first met her, she was very shy.

She was super soft-spoken, like just dumb, for lack of a better word. I put vapid there, but yeah. Yeah, dumb. She got like very, a lot of votes for like helping him when he was just being super drunk and abusive. James Kennedy. Yeah, yeah. Sorry. James um quite wild at this point when they were dating drinking a ton uh was sending her very very awful abusive text messages cheating on her a lot but she was just kind of like no he's not and there's a very epic um moment between lala and Raquel when Lala's screaming at her and she goes, Raquel, you cannot be that

dumb. And she goes, I'm not dumb, Lala. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she says it all dumb. Yeah. May I interject? Please. I think she may be, people can be dumb, but they can also be very savvy if they have my goal in mind. Now, Dylan, I don't know if you knew this, but

Rachel, not Raquel, came on as a fan she reached out to dj james kennedy and that's how she got on the show as a groupie that was hot and he started dating and then forgive me uh i believe uh we'll see if she we'll see if she's scandal was a social climbing move well we'll get there but i do want to um kind of shine a light on something that rubes and i have talked about a lot um with cease which is the eyebrow treatment that rachel seems to be addicted to um can you speak on this trend within um of course follicle fashion we we saw this first ironically with our other rachel from the bachelorette when Rachel and Gabby were together.

And asked ourselves, why do you spend so much time brushing up the middle part of your eyebrows and then probably drawing more on with pencils? And I know that I'm not a trendy person. I don't know trends. I don't know of them. I know that this is a thing people are doing now. Right, right, right. But why? Yeah. Well, all of it is to attract others. them yeah i know that this is like a thing people are doing now right right right but why yeah is you know well all of it is to attract others uh right it's like it is an evolutionary component i am actually attracted to it i was not attracted to the trend where women uh 12 years ago were

shaving their eyebrows off and drawing them on with a sharpie i famously told the story where i had a one-night stand woke up the next morning. I was sweating. My elbow rubbed this girl's forehead. I rubbed her eyebrow right off her face. And I don't know if that was so much a trend as it was just a kind of way to have eyebrows. If you didn't, this seems to be more of a trend. And I'm confused why you find it attractive because it's this strange kind of brushstroke plateau that you get in the middle of your eyebrows that don't really make any sense. It brings attention to the eyes. I find it attractive.

I don't know. Well, we have to move on. She is a Bambi-eyed bitch. And we have to get to the next slide. So when James was dating her, he was like, quote unquote, sober. I don't, I don't, he was smoking weed and shit, but he was not. California sober. Yeah.

Blacking out and sending her abusive text messages anymore. California sober is five drinks a week, as much weed as you want to smoke. And some pills. Ketamine. Xanax when you need to get on a flight and Ambien when you really need to get to bed. Yeah. And then you drink when it's fun. Yeah.

Sounds, makes sense. I fun yeah five drinks a week they can be one night or they can be ones you know every night but you know you can't contest that spend your five how you want yeah exactly it's like it works if you work it it's like points exactly yeah it patrick it's such a good point it works if you work it i love that do i need to get to the next slide? No, Dylan, you don't. She does things. I want you to understand her fully. So she throws like puppy parties for her dog. And then she says like she, there was a moment I believe

when it was their engagement party maybe where she had like a full crying mental breakdown to James because she was like, I can't give a speech in public. Like I can't. Right, right, right. And it's, you know, I'm very bad social anxiety. Very, very bad. Yeah, right and it's you know i'm very bad social anxiety very very bad yeah

well it's shocking to know that i'm fairly decent at public speaking given what happened at your bat mitzvah it's very true which is my first um brush with public humiliation i think wow was that like 10 years ago you still hold on to that that was really nice of you because that would make me 23 but no patrick yeah no it was a lot longer than that so i have held on to it for even longer but i've over commented i've kind of used it as a soapstone to sharpen my other stones stones yep uh okay next i agree oh wait no i'm sorry really quickly so that picture of her oh Oh my God. On the right. To the reunion, yes. And as someone who's just like, I don't like attention. Like I don't, don't look at me, it screams. Right, right, right.

Definitely. Right, yeah. You know what she looks like? She looks like an early stage RPG boss in like a really Japanese game that like we don't get, you know? But she's not like that formidable. Like she's just there to teach you the next kind of section of buttons and combos. Right, right.

You know, she's not anything that overpowered or anything. But she does look like quite a bit of an attention whore. Okay, let's move on. Yeah, so. Last Friday, everything changed. Okay. Just truly forever. So we get all these announcements.

Tom and Ariana call it quits. They were together for almost 10 years. Rumors start to swirl. He's been cheating with co-star, gross, gross, Rachel, unpronounceable last name. Yeah. I mean, the rain is really coming down. It's unreal. It's lovely.

I mean, the rain is really coming down. It is an atmospheric river. How long have we been going? 35 minutes. Okay, It's unreal. It's lovely. I mean, the rain is really coming down. It is an atmospheric river. How long have we been going? 35 minutes. Okay, that's perfect. How much is left on the card, do you think? Eight minutes. Perfect. I'll put a new one in if we need it. Okay.

So last Friday, everything changed forever. Okay, so it's only been a week. Now, this is the first I'm hearing this. They had announced they were breaking up prior to the news breaking that he's a cheating son of a bitch. Absolutely not, Patrick. No, no, no, no, no. Okay. Okay, so this is what we know now.

Rachel and Tom have been sleeping together for over seven months. Wow. The lightning bolt necklaces, are you ready? Oh, wow! They have been wearing these matching lightning bolt necklaces because they can't say I love you to each other, so they've just been wearing them allegedly to symbolize the love for each other.

They can't share with others. This is the canary in the coal mine singing after he's killed a bunch of people. He wants to get caught, and I don't know that expression, which is why I struggled with it so much, but this is just a brazen, stupid thing to do. I would leave my phone out when I was a cheating, cheating son of a thing to do. I would leave my phone out

when I was a cheating, cheating son of a bitch with Ashley. I'd leave it out. I was actively hooking up with other people. You were in the call mine. You're a little canary. You were going, I kill people. I'm cheating on people. I wanted to be caught.

Yeah, exactly. So ironically, you mentioned that because how he or how Ariana found out, so we have heard, was that his phone, I guess like fell out of his pocket or something at one of his um cover band shows because he's a tom sandow on the extras which raquel by the way has gone to like every one of those shows and do dead name are moving forward sorry oh my god fuck can you edit that out please no fuck dylan leave it in as a reminder right you

cannot make that mistake you're right yeah you're. I'm so sorry to everybody except for her. Rachel and him have been, he was her for Halloween. Just gross yucky. Oh my God. Yeah, yucky, yucky stuff. I do think it's worth mentioning that Rachel was pretty cozy with Ariana. So it's like having your worst enemy that is going to- Understatement of the century.

Ribs, please correct him. Just like a very, very, very good friend. After she broke up with James and called off their engagement, Tom and Ariana were sort of like big sister figures to her. Same with Sheena Shea, Azusa loving Sheena Shea, who is Ariana's best friend from even before the show. Did you say Azusa loving? Of course I did.

Azusa Pacific University. Let's go. Oh, she went to Azusa Pacific, huh? Yeah. By the Miller Distillery? Mm-hmm. Over there in the... Yeah.

Is that Pasadena or Arcadia? It's like past Arcadia. It's like when you're coming back from Vegas, you see that and you're like, oh, we're almost home. And then it's like, now you're going to sit in traffic for another hour. What a cruel bitch that brewery is.

Okay, Azusa, proud. Yeah, so anyways, but so they were very, very close. So she, and this season, watching her together is just rough. They allegedly were doing this stuff while Ariana was out of town and she had left LA to go back to Florida

to spend time with her family after her grandma passed away recently. Supposedly that's when that was going on. The current season right now as you saw um rachel's been like openly telling katie and katie's mother that she like thinks that schwartz is cute and asking him if he wants to make out right right right yeah and it's just weird and everybody was like this is very not cool and you you should know that that's not okay and no one should have to explain that to you but for some reason people were like rachel don't do that like i i what i don't know so she has everyone is kind

of confused about that but apparently this has just been a ruse the entire time because yeah and there's no way that schwartz didn't know i'm sorry now i i agree with that now hey hey don't apologize for that. Okay. Now, forgive me. So they, when it says they wanted to tell Ariana several times, we're referring to Rachel and Scandival. Who released that statement, that admission? How do we know that information that they thought that they wanted to do that?

I think that this is from several sources online that their friends have spoken to reporters. No one has named this, and neither of them have come forward and said like we want to walk hand in hand together um radio andy was talking or andy cohen's radio show he was discussing that like there's no way that they can come out of this and not be like a couple of sorts and that like people are really speculating that they apparently are very in love and whatever. Well, let me tell you something. Any relationship that comes out of cheater-cheaters never works out because it starts off on a bad foundation

in this podcaster's opinion. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've had examples of that in my life. Right, you are. Here's what I'm puzzled by. Why keep the relationship going with Ariana? Again, this is coming from a performer, cheating, lying bastard. I did not want to be with my girlfriend anymore. And in a very

immaturely and manipulative way, this is how I ended the relationship. When I should have just been honest and said, look, this isn't working out. Let's go our separate ways. Tom's on TV. They're public figures. People see them. he obviously is either a cheater cheater just having fun having sex or a gay man well think about this tom can't have sex with a fan behind ariana's back okay right this is why married people find each other and cheat on each other because they're mutual assured destruction right so no one's come out of the woodwork yet as far as fans saying well i slept with him at the tampa florida show right so it's obvious that this might have been his only little cheating outlet well there was some strange there was that girl in miami we'll talk about her oh

really yeah okay okay next slide um yeah so they've issued some also though patrick just to touch on that one of the reasons that has been cited that he apparently did not end their relationship was because he just, she was so depressed because of all the things that were happening that he was just like, this is going to make her more depressed, so I don't want it. You know what would make her even more depressed?

Sandoval. Yeah. Banging her friend. Banging her best friend for a year. Anyways, so they issued some apologies. Rachel's is on the left. Sandoval had to issue two. The first one was to protect his

restaurant yelp reviews yeah yeah now this this is an iconic formatting this is a formatting of text and sentiment that we will look back on and either meme or laugh at, but the amount of these posts, what with the culture of canceling and public accountability that we're in right now, I love that these apologies come out as often as they do. And they are always, if they are black and or white with a handle and a view profile above them, of course, Black and or white with a handle and a view profile above them.

Of course. Meaningless, unproductive, and not fixing the situation in any way, shape, or form. I was going to say this. When you say fix, Dylan, and I thought quite a bit, probably more than I, probably America right now has spent a little too much time on this. Right, right, right. Tom cheated on his girlfriend. Yeah. A lot of cheating happens.

Yeah. Tom doesn't owe anybody an apology, but Ariana. Yeah. A lot of cheating happens. Yeah. Tom doesn't owe anybody an apology, but Ariana. Right. The rest of us can go fuck ourselves. Right. Right. Great point.

Great point. But people are outraged. People are outraged. People are outraged. And Rubes, why are people so outraged? Was Ariana a fan favorite? Well, because one, Ariana had very cool girl energy. Cool girl cool girl energy she's by far the most normal i will say she does have sort of that like you can hear her saying i don't have a lot of girlfriends i have a lot of guy friends which just we don't like those people but my wife doesn't red flag

you should you should have girlfriends yeah that's whatever. But yes, she was a fan favorite, especially compared to... Cece doesn't have a lot of girlfriends. Cece is one of my favorite people, so I don't give a shit what she has. So she passes. Take that, Dylan. Yeah. Oh, let's not take that.

But I think that the reason that people are outraged is because we are all Ariana. We feel as though we've been watching this with you for a decade. And the sense of betrayal that I feel, knowing them not at all, is too large. I have been sleep deprived for a week.

We talked about it. You're nuts. Yeah. You drive by people's homes that you don't know all the time patrick yes yeah no that i only really did once just to be like oh yeah it is here well we went to dorit's house didn't we yes we did yes we did and again you i don't so tacky horrible and thank god nobody was hurt but there was only a matter of time before that home was broken. It's like that home is like, come take everything. Take PK's watches.

Take PK's watches. Take DeReeves. Boy, were they disappointed when PK took all the watches to London to sell them. Yeah. All those watches. Oh, is that what he did? I think so. Yeah.

PK, he's an interesting character. Yeah. But we're not here to talk about rob we're here to talk about vandy so um the the text that was seen was a a masturbatory video correct uh rachel was rubbing her vagina or something like that explicit material explicit material so ariana was like oh wow this is big not her vagina just that this is a thing that's going on um so the apologies have been issued and then hey some advice for scandoval hey dude if you're gonna be uh this brazen with your cheating perhaps he was trying to get caught get a second phone man it's dude i am hiding so below under the

wheel well of your car they make magnets where you can actually hide a little box underneath the wheel well of your car put your backup phone in there if you're going to cheat my god if you're going to cheat you have to recognize that it is one of the worst decisions you can make in your entire life. It is for momentary dopamine hits. It's to pop. You just need to pop. And everybody needs to pop. I get it. Do it in the shower.

But if you're going to go about it, you really have to be careful because it will destroy your entire life. We've talked about it before. The dad with all the money who now lives in a nice apartment in Santa Monica and it's $6,000 a month, but he's taking his kids up in an elevator. That's not the life that he has. He cheated. And he wasn't popping, but at least they were in Bel Air. At least they were doing Hanukkah as a family. You know what I mean?

I do. We know a guy who has to move to Nevada now. were in bel-air at least they were doing hanukkah as a family right you know what i mean i do we know a guy who has to move to nevada now no no infidelity there just uh different stuff um next slide oh poor guy either way also just to go back oh look at the eyebrows yeah no well okay she wants you to focus on the black eye done Dylan. But they were going out. It's just cheating is, first of all, the magnetic phone thing. That's just really scary. Cheating is too hard for too many people. And too many people are too dumb to cheat. If you're going to cheat, you have to be locked down.

Yeah. You know? It's just, it's fucking, it's ridiculous how sloppy these people are. I mean, the lightning bolt necklace thing is so nuts to me. Right? Nuts to me.

It's like, I can't get into these people's heads, but there's something way worse going on. And we need to talk about, as we close this out, we need to talk about, I don't want to be perceived as like, misynistic putting the onus on rachel i'm not putting the onus on rachel but but tom's reasoning for doing this is very easy to understand for me

and pat he's a guy he wanted to pop sure rachel i feel like again she just wants to pop too but no she wants she wants fame there's something a little bit more going on okay question if you are if you're cheating on someone can you what does it say when you can then be for both parties and again i said nobody is more guilty or whatever they're both fucked up yeah can you spend intimate time with this person like they're your best friend you compartmentalize it and you also yeah and also you can uh and i did this uh you can also in your head uh legitimize it based on you blame the partner so i my ex i hated her mother uh the girlfriend the deb my girlfriend was very judgy very controlling could be belittling and just those three things yeah those are all relationships i would be like you know what i don't need to feel bad about this so we all we

all legitimize horrible behavior in our minds that i can get a genuinely a bad bad don't but whatever i understand that doing it in rachel's position is fucking sociopathic these people have been nothing but kind to you this girl has been nothing but a wonderful welcoming person into this group when other people were pretty not welcoming to you right right right and this is and i just and her stupid statement talked about how she needs to like take time for her mental health and talk about her addiction to feeling loved yeah that whoa yeah here here's a question who fucking gives a fuck yeah go see a therapist um i guess what adds to it is that i mean you take one look at tom sandoval and you go well gay man but if not gay man obvious scumbag i mean look at it he's wearing pearls and he's still wearing vans and he's 40 but he's 40 right i have to ask

you what is the appeal of tom sandoval to you none okay great ever none yeah like i i kid you not i would prefer to be married to Tom Schwartz than to ever touch Tom Sandoval. Yeah, okay. She's got her head screwed on, right? So other fun updates. Oh, well, but just getting back to Rachel, the Bambi is a perfect word for her.

It's just very, very creepy that she could be so meek and needing help and be this destructive. We saw it in episode four, infamous episode four that I keep coming back to. The wanton disregard for Lala's claim over Garcelle's oldest, Oliver, was an insight into, I think Rachel despises other women. I think that there's- Pageants. Obviously, that is born of the horrors of the pageant industry.

Of course. We've talked about this many, many times. But I do think that she hates other women and has no remorse for them and is why she did this. Anyways, other fun updates. Yeah, so I don't disagree with any of that. So other fun updates, what's been going on. Sheena Shea received, so when Ariana saw the message,

she allegedly texted it to Rachel and said, you're dead to me, the video. And then Sheena Shea was with Rachel. And watch what happens in New York. Right after that had filmed, sadly after. God, if it had been before. Oh, wow. Right? Insane um so she punched her

in the face um and i guess so rachel issued her training order she went to the gym got it uh ariana got it donald's everybody was going to her house and she was just receiving outpours of support obviously rachel sent apparently legal letters to everybody saying that like all the california porn I guess, to Tom, especially saying that it's like a two consenting state because allegedly he was recording their FaceTime and she didn't have consent. And then a bunch of people from high school allegedly came out. These guys were like, no, she she used to send us videos of herself masturbating all the time. So, oh, wow. Got it. Got it.

No. Yes. she used to send us videos of herself masturbating all the time. Oh, wow. Got it, got it. Good note. Yeah, so Rachel has been increasingly concerning on this season's Vanderpump Rules, warns other women in the scenes from next week

about how they should watch their men and not bring her around them. Oh, okay. And then her despicable behavior with Oliver. Tom and Ariana hilariously still have to live together in that house, apparently, while this all fixes itself. Yikes. Oh, cool.

And their reunion is in about two weeks. Highest rated probably piece of television for Bravo in a long time in two weeks. Probably. Several cast members said I ain't showing up. Yeah, I feel like that's not going to work.

It's a dumb move. Who said they weren't going to show up? I think Sandoval said that. Yeah, he did. He said he's not going to film. And again, I think so. Who said they weren't going to show up? I think Sandoval said that. Yeah, he did. He said he's not going to film. And again, I think he will be- Oh, fuck you. What a-

Oh my God. What a bitch. Because they already filmed- They resumed filming already, immediately last week. So I guess supposedly- The cameras have been picked back up. Yeah, they ended the season.

They wrapped. This happened. They kept filming, or they resumed filming again. And then they filmed a scene with Sandoval and Ariana at their house. And that's happened. So like, I don't know if it's after that that he's... Well, see, he can control that scene though.

Right, totally. He can't control Andy asking him tough questions. Okay, okay. So... You're right. I don't know. Okay. So the reunion doesn't need to film in two weeks.

We can give it some time if we're not going to get the whole cast and crew together. Because Sandoval needs to be there. Sheena needs to be there. Rachel needs to be there. And Ariana needs to be there. Kristen doesn't need to be there. Did you mention that Sheena allegedly took a shot at Rach's face? You said that.

Yes. I saw it. Okay. So that's what i'm concerned about is the restraining order going to be an issue with sheena and rachel being on the dais together so andy's call yeah andy said that either he would do a sit down with both of them um separately or that they would zoom in but also i think that every like yeah it'd be great to hear from sheena but respectfully the only thing she really has to add is yeah okay i punched her in

the face right nobody cares. Rachel needs to be. Can I do a semi bookend on this? I'm not sure how much you wanted to wrap this up, Rubies. But everyone. Was that a plural?

Yeah, call her the Rubies. Everyone on this cast benefits from this, including Sandoval, Scandoval. Because very much like, oh much like Erica Jane, baby, we are two and a half years beyond her being the worst human being on planet Earth to now being kind of welcomed back.

And dare I say what her and that husband of hers might have been up to was far worse than someone cheating. They ripped off people that got burned alive in an airplane crash. You know what I mean? And I think that also gives credence to why this is so widely been obsessed over because like Erika Jayne, Jen Shah, those were like horrible things

and talking about it in any type of funny way is pretty fucked up because people died. Got ripped off? Yeah, horrible shit that kristin used to be really hot i found her attractive but uh people said uh she had bad breath uh okay so thank you for your time um rubes we have a couple things here if you could just run through them we have let's begin with jack's never in a million years i just like i mean never in a million years did

he think that this was gonna happen happen. Okay, got it. Because he was brutalized for cheating on that. Like everybody has said, I read on Facebook yesterday, I think that someone said, everyone that's like obsessing over this, oh, a cheater cheated on someone that he cheated with. You need to go touch grass.

And I felt like that person was... Jax's burner account or what? No, just like, don't belittle felt like that person was jack's burner account or what no just like don't belittle it like that yeah yeah don't do that yeah that's wrong that's no this is a seminal moment he crossed the line uh so we have we have lvp saying stupid stupid boy who is she saying that to just i don't even know okay now we have rachel Rachel asking James if he is faithful. And then what I wanted to highlight here was a pretty nasty moment from Ariana, who's for most of the time a pretty sweet person. She says, I'm smarter than you. I'm prettier than you.

Get the fuck over it. Who does she say that to, Ruby? I honestly don't even know. I want to say Stassi or Kristen. She used to be like pretty bullied by them because she was like the bartender at the... So Patrick made a good point. So when this all was

like a baby, Lisa Vanderpump had three staple places. Villa Blanca is where you take your wife, Sur is where you take your mistress, and Pump is where you take your boyfriend. Her staff was kind of like spread out around different places and Ariana and Tom were like the back bartenders at one of the places and they started working together i don't know if it was the same restaurant or a different one but yeah everybody speculated

that he was hooking up with ariana while he was dating kristin kristin also got fired she was one of the only cast members to ever be like legitimately fired from sir as a waitress um there's an iconic moment where her manager diana is asking her to leave the property and she's smoking and she says fuck off diana or like shut the fuck up oh yeah yeah it's just like it's great and then that's stassi hitting her in the face after she says that she cheated on her with or on jack oh got it got it got it that's like a real hit there oh yeah yeah that was big that was really really big well um yeah sandoval also punched jacks in the face.

I saw that. Yeah, they didn't have that. On the beach, I think. They went out for a walk on the beach. And then I think Jax punched him in the face, too. There was a brawl. Do we feel satiated? Do we feel like we have a good grasp on this?

Yeah, how do I do? I think you guys did very well. Well, we think you did great, and we can't thank you enough for coming in and illuminating the Scandival, showing us the ins, the outs, and the in-betweens.

I think that our fans are very, very appreciative because we could not have done this without you. We watched too much television to be concerned with this, so we were not abreast of all of the little intricacies.

Intricacies. Yes, exactly. So, Ribs, where can people find you? What's the name of your podcast? Yeah. Ruby, do you want to plug TikTok? No. Okay. Hey, I want to say this. You as an audience, little baddies, this was a little gift for you guys. This is territory we normally don't approach or cover. So let us know what you thought about Ruby being on the show. Be nice. Or don't.

And we'll have her back on. And we'll have her back on. This was light lifting for Dylan and I. Yeah, absolutely. A lot of fun. We don't do any work. We just kind of pick our spots. Anyways, thanks, Ruby, for for joining us love you very much comment comment comment we'll see you guys later i'm dylan saying goodbye pet say goodbye

say goodbye there's a lot of stuff on tv but not all of it's good in fact a lot of it's bad TV.