Another Below Deck Podcast - This Isn't Wicked Tuna | Below Deck Down Under S1 E7

Episode Date: August 17, 2022

Pat, Nick and Dylan are back to talk about Pat's love for Solvang, Pat's love for the cocktail wine and white claw, Dylan's not wanting go to a work event with Pat, Nick's loves for cheap hotels with pools and Below Deck Down Under.The full season of Below Deck Down Under recaps is ALREADY available only on our Patreon at https://Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkAlso available is our coverage of Below Deck Sailing and Love is Blind seasons 1 and 2 for both shows!Support our sponsors:Magic MindVisit https://MagicMind.co and use promo code “Jason” for 20% off.Rothy'sGet $20 off your first purchase at https://rothys.com/BELOWDECKAthletic GreensVisit https://athleticgreens.com/BELOWDECK for FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchaseBetterhelpOur listeners get 10% off their first month at https://Betterhelp.com/BelowDeckDameBELOWDECK to take 15% off your first order at https://dameproducts.comFollow our audio versions of Another Below Deck PodcastApple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/another-below-deck-podcast/id1216741721Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/1rmalsUw5vtXAXWo6RwsRx?si=8hzGWOciRJ6A9UKUpDV8CA&dl_branch=1Check out our merch!https://anothermerchstore.comWe also cover Bachelor Nation very week on Another Bachelor Podcasthttps://bit.ly/AnotherBachelorPodcast_YouTube

You know, when he was untangling those knots, that rope, I was like, that's symbolic of what his life is right now. He's untying a lot of knots. To be fair- Oh, I didn't even pick up on that. What a great metaphor. Here's the difference- That's the word I was searching for. Here's the difference in similarity between me and Benny. I would have quit if I had to untangle that ball enough. I would have just jumped off the boat and started swimming. But I didn't choose to be in that career. I chose to do this.

You know, so figure it out, Benny. God damn it, you're annoying. Okay. Welcome aboard another brand spanking new episode of another Below Deck podcast presented by Patreon. It's Below Deck down under. I'm a little hot right now. Dylan, I think this would be the easiest way for us to do this. a little hot right now. Dylan, I think this would be the easiest way for us to do this. My backpack is right there. My notes are in it. Can you grab it instead of me walking

over you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm hot. I'm going to take a breath, walk away. Sure. I'll be back in a sec to talk about how much I fucking hated this episode. Oh, okay. Good, good, good. Pat, why don't you go first? Sure, sure. Did he announce what we were doing? No.

Welcome aboard to... I did that, but I just didn't say who I am, who Nick is. Oh, okay. Well, Dylan's talking right now, and then Nick's... Say hi, Nick. Hey, everybody. Welcome aboard. And I'm your favorite, Patty.

Hi, everybody. Great to be here. How conceited of you, and I'm still hot and even hotter because of that comment. But yeah. Oh, you're hot, like as in mad and upset. I thought you were hot. Me too. No, no, no.

I'm mad. Oh. I'll jump into thoughts and knots right now if you don't have any PSAs. No. What a terrible episode. I mean, unbelievably bad episode. Hints of glory, though. To come.

You can talk about the hints. All I'm thinking is, I mean, terrible season so far. We've got, I would say, 20 to 25 solid minutes of deck crew stuff. Don't ever do that. Don't ever fucking do that. it's the worst part of the show i'm sitting here thinking like or am i watching a discovery channel like a bad discovery channel show about the ins and outs like how yachting works get fucking jamie and benny and brit off my screen i don't care yeah this. This isn't wicked tuna, okay?

This is called Below Deck. Thank you. We want to see the sucking, the fucking, and, you know, give me more Ryan. I'll get exhausted for hating him so much, but, I mean, it's better than watching Jamie and Benny try to untangle a fucking rope. That was ridiculous.

Zero pots. All right. I'm sorry, Nick, to jump in here, but, Dylan, one other thing that they did, it showed they absolutely had no footage to cobble together an episode. They did three flashbacks. They did a flashback of how clumsy Magna is.

They did a flashback of what a fuck up Benny is. And they did... I appreciate the refresher. Unnecessary. He's still a fuck up. You don't need to remind us that he's been fucking up. That's the other thing. Like, they're so, they're incompetent, but not in a funny way.

Like, Benny sucks at his job. Yeah. Magda is profoundly dumb. Like, it's just, I'm hot. I get it. What a dark place we're in. Well, Dylan, you're going to be positive, though, because people are paying us to talk about this, you know? Well, I mean, I'll be funny about it.

Oh, okay. I know you'd be funny. I just want to put more of a positive spin. You know, you reminded me, we help one another. When I was getting a little too negative about that Bachelor franchise and wanting to quit because it was horrible. That's right. That's right. You said, hey, Pat, come on, man.

It's your job to make the best out of this. Yep, I did, yeah. So I'm doing that for you now. Thank you, man. You got it, pal. How many knots, Pat? Zero. It was a horrible episode.

Are you trying to do a singing bowl right now? I agree with Dylan. It was an absolutely awful episode. Awful episode. I was thinking, I'm in my room, listening to my kid play with my wife in the other room, and I'm missing this special time to watch this horrible episode. Right.

Ugh, shame on Bravo. Hey, I got to say, you know, having gotten back from Argentina, didn't drink a ton of natural wine when I'm in Los Angeles. Almost the only thing that I drink. So I'm getting I have a tongue for kind of the old world kind of stuff, even though this is an old world. It's from Napa, but it's just not, you know, a juicy natural wine. This is delicious. Oh, absolutely. Delicious. It's Napa Cab. How can you go wrong? Well, that's what just not a juicy natural wine. This is delicious. Oh, absolutely. Delicious.

It's Napa Cab. How can you go wrong? Well, that's what they do up there, brother. Nick? Guys, fellas, fellas, fellas, today's expectations... You got a clear throat, Nick. I didn't think you needed to. I was aerating. He slurped.

I was aerating. I could see how you would mix that up. If. I was aerating. Oh, I apologize. I could see how you would mix that up. If you weren't looking at Dylan, I could see it out of the corner of my eye. People get super annoyed that I drink wine that way. I always kind of a little bit, but you're supposed to do that. There's nothing I can do. You're putting oxygen back into the liquid is what you're doing?

Yeah. Airy. You guys seem dazed and confused. It's such a beautiful thing, wine wine it's such an ancient thing I mean I really can't think of a more joyous occasion than getting around with a couple of friends and just tipping back a couple bottles but you do have to pay respect to the

the thing in your glass and you have to suck it through your teeth if this episode runs about 22 minutes because there's nothing to talk about let's insert god I can't think of the actress's name but in the film sideways when she's with paul giamatti's character he she allows him to come back to sandra oh no the other one the blonde no one to go back to her apartment and they have the camera fixated right on her talking about wine and life and the beauty and the process of creating this and then the experience of it being shared by friends yeah and the camera closes in closer and closer on her and then it stops

and paul giamatti's character falls absolutely over for her after this thing and it's just poetry yeah you love that movie so much it's so not that any fans want to get me something um you know a gift or that you want to mail me or for Christmas or something? Give me something to do it sideways. We got to get a P.O. box because some fans have been reaching out saying, hey, like one lovely, lovely woman has a dispensary that they're opening. Oh! And it's a bunch of weed. We got to open that fucking P.O. box. We got to get that fucking P.O. box.

Just another expense of another podcast network. But I don't know if you guys could tell, we're trying to stretch a little bit right now. Trying to stretch. No, no, I'm being my real authentic authentic self i am nicks pots and knots though i i do have to say with uh pat's like love for that movie sideways i do worry about him trying to like a lifelong journey to have his own rom-com type adventure up in wine country where he he gets in a fight with sheree and he sees some down-home, hard-working gal who also loves his – she takes great pleasure in wine, and they fall in love,

and they have a weekend. Or maybe it's a sad drama, and he comes home, and he lives a life forlorn with his two daughters at that time and wife who he doesn't really truly have a passion for anymore. Nick, it's so funny you say that. You're kind of putting on what my life could be. My life goal, my plan is to actually buy a property in Solvayne where

the film Sideways was filmed. I'm in love with that place. It's paradise. I brought Dylan up there a couple years ago. Lifelong journey. I was sharing my thoughts with my wife the other day. I said, you know, we got life by the balls, honey. When we buy a place in Solvayne, I'll drive up there on Thursday night. You'll bring the kids up on Saturday. she's like whoa whoa whoa whoa yeah yeah what are you doing

for the 36 hours i didn't even know i was i was saying that out loud yeah that's so funny that's exactly see i knew uh this episode though fellas fellas fellas today's expectations are tomorrow's disappointments just like the Argentinian and Napa wines, these below decks, though the same name, are different products. I don't expect necessarily, I don't need Sea Rats sucking and fucking. If I see some real deck team drama, nearly a mutiny on our hands. I felt like I was watching Pirates of the Caribbean. nearly a mutiny on our hands i feel like i felt like i was watching uh pirates of the caribbean uh it's a different type of drama i'm learning about the boats and down under and and and they go snorkeling and stuff uh yeah this episode sucks 17 it's really bad 17 really really bad

episode so last we left off um benny was uh kind of you know doing the bitchy Benny thing that he does. Well, it was an impromptu employee review at a restaurant. The Sea Rat management loves to do that. Second time Jamie has attempted, has done that this season. It's not the time. Let the man drink. Enjoy your night out. Save it for the boat.

You know what? I don't like Magda. She annoys me how stupid and incompetent she is um i really hate ryan i mean worst person we've ever had i'm with you now by the way i nicknamed him the devil yeah he's absolutely horrible uh but jamie is i don't hate jamie um i just find him to be one of the more useless people we've had on the show in such a long time. Like, he's just so boring. He's so bad. He reminds me of the bosun that we had on the one season of Below Deck Reg that got fired.

What was his name? Like, it was like Chandler. Chandler. He's very Chandler to me. Thank you, Rain Man. Just so boring. Like, just get off the boat. He hides his Chandler-ness under muscles.

Yes. He's Chandler. He's Chandler. I'm going to have to differ with you on that. Okay. I'm going to go get more wine. Sure. Just because you're a good deckhand doesn't mean you're ready to be the lead deck.

What's that guy? Boson. Because I believe Jamie's very competent at being a deckhand, but that doesn't mean you're good at being a manager. And I think that's the rub here. Chandler, if I can remember, was absolutely incompetent and didn't know what he was doing, and he wasn't a good manager,

and those two things got him fucking fired. Chandler worked on his dad's boat growing up, so he knew how to be a deckhand, but he didn't use incompetent. But I agree with your assessment of Jamie. He's a lifelong cadet. I bet, like, on the police force, he's just one of the front lines guys. He's never going to be captain, police chief.

I don't know the rankings and the same thing on a boat. And that's why Captain Jason needs to babysit. All right, so. The second he takes his foot off the pedal, then things start going awry. So remember last time we had left off ryan had called the guest a lazy cunt for wanting the shellfish removed from the tails um everyone's happy that ryan likes the food and that gets him so excited that he drops his shot now he is a he spills his shot on the table someone comments on it and he has like a fucking jack nicholson shining kind of freak out um he's a piece of filth from philly

and he's a sea rat so it's literally impossible for him to not have a drinking problem yeah and right well to me disagrees with you well obviously not about the drinking problem but about him i mean yeah and the shot is out of her mind and someone comments on it he uh i believe he tells all the females at the table that they can shut up and go fuck themselves. And Toomey believes he couldn't possibly be this big of a piece of shit. And she sees the good in him very much like Luke did with Vader in Return of the Jedi. I know she's already given us some such a great analog because I think that Ryan is as evil as Darth Vader. He killed younglings.

Yeah, it's super evil. Toomey has already given us some sad stuff in her her past but i fear there's much more because she is showing a level of stockholm syndrome only seen in people who have had decades in captivity it's her defense of ryan i completely agree with you nick she touches it on at the tail end of the episode when magna uh prompts her for what is her dating history, and we learn that there's some wreckage up there. She's attracted to bad people, which I always like how people frame it. I got a bad picker.

Oh, is that what it is? I just realized that we didn't get like a little sad stuff on her. We got one of the saddest. Her dad was assassinated. By the drug cartel. Yeah, yeah. Never mind.

Really? Oh, yeah. Oh, that's right. A pharmaceutical company. Of course he was. Okay. I didn't want to play this clip, but I do want to say something pretty horrible about Ryan.

And I feel as though it'll be kind of unwarranted if we don't remind the audience how big of a piece of shit he is in a kind of visceral manner. So let's just play the clip of how he was behaving at dinner. Why you got to put me on blast? Did I offend you? No, f*** yourself. Like, I wasn't, I was being myself. I dropped my shot.

So f***ing negative right now, and it's irritating. Just. You know what's irritating? Why don't you talk about it? Why don't you f***ing shut up for a second? Okay, Ryan. Civil f***ing wannabe departments don't give a f*** what I go through. Okay.

So f*** y'all. I really don't give a f*** what you think right now. Ryan. You're kidding. The half. Tell your role chief still oh jesus okay so just out of nowhere i mean this this is the kind of like i know i sound like an asshole lobotomy candidate i mean the amount of fucking therapy and work you have to put in to make this human being functional and not accurate, like from core to brain to toes, it's just not worth it. I'm not going to defend him.

I'm going to say there's definitely something that went on, and it's not just that his dad passed away on 9-11 in 2009. He obviously also hates women. Hates women. So there's something going on with that. Put that in with the drinking problem. And he's on the younger side, I want to say. His brain isn't fully developed.

Again, I'm not making excuses for him. When you're 36, your brain is developed. Oh, he's 36? I mean, he can't be younger than that. Well, maybe 32. The male brain isn't fully developed until 26. 25, yeah. Yeah, so 11 years behind.

Yeah, so speaking of, yeah, what's up? Ryan, you want to lobotomize him. I'm never for that type of extreme corporal punishment. I think he's just destined to live as the manager of a college pizza place in Philly. He works till two in the morning. Him and the rest of the kitchen staff do cocaine, maybe get laid by some of the wasted girls that come in. And he just doesn't bother anybody there

for the next 30 years. That's what his future should be. Except now he's gonna get a little following and fucking people are gonna pay him way too much money. The problem is, is people on Instagram see some of them. I don't know who these people are we'll see this is hot and he's embracing it on instagram uh there's like two levels of hating these people they could be like what we see on the show and then how they react to how they're perceived on the show and he's like jumping into it full steam like oh he loves his lines and like we got it pat i'm telling you for

this reason and i i know that this is how he behaves and like there's no possible way that he couldn't love how he's coming off on television well narcissists do enjoy this for that reason we got to talk to him i need you to hit up bravo because there's no way like you know i was thinking oh he might be a little coy and say oh i don't really want to deal with the heat right now no he, he loves this. He'll be so down to talk about it. Very much like simple Chuck. Totally. He loved it.

We're not going to answer that. And then two seconds later, he's like, all right, well, let me, because he can't stop himself. He has to talk about it. Brian, our producer, this is probably going to cost too much to produce, but I think it would be a funny bit. I have Dylan and Ryan in the same room. Dylan has a hammer in his head, and he goes to hit Ryan in the head to

lobotomize him and Ryan says, who are you? And he says, I'm Nurse Ratched, bitch. So let's talk about the misogyny. Ryan is almost obviously, Ryan is almost blacked out and he's happy now. He tells Aisha that he's happy

that he can tell her to fuck off and say horrific, misogynistic things to her and that they're totally fine. Ryan, I know that you miss your dad, but I want to just tell you that he's happy. He's in heaven. He's baking pies for people.

But the reason why he is smiling so big is because you're not there, man. He hates you. He always hated you. And I think that's why you're such a disgusting human being. Now, to be fair to him, though, Aisha is flapping his scarf around his neck. She's doing the oh thing, and it's like you're sending mixed

signals here. You're emboldening him. At this point, I think he'd already shown how far gone wasted he was at the end of the night. She's looking at him like, none of this means anything right now. I think she didn't worry about trolling him. I think she has a natural inclination to move things over with things over with niceties and i just don't think it's very

productive well all right you want to talk about true narcissism i don't know if you guys caught saying what you're but you're not like no that's not okay but given the way that he's treated her don't fucking flap his scarf around his oh i thought she was like doing it no she was like being cutesy with him yeah i think he's probably trying to just push push it away the tomorrow will be another day but get this what right in the hatred so ryan this was obviously in his drunken way an attempt to clear the air with kermit like yeah it which is what the point he was making was like hey i'm gonna belittle you and demean you and let's let's just push this aside because you know that's how we're gonna work with each other then simultaneously go but definitely don't ask me how many boats i've worked on you stupid

mouthy cunt because that upsets me right that oh she doesn't get to do that i thought we were this little back and forth that we have there devil he's like i'm gonna make you a shit sandwich you're gonna eat the shit sandwich and then you're gonna make your own shit sandwich and then eat that shit sandwich so can you not say that word or or did you i said it wrong the first time and then i leaned into it i leaned into it so culver jamie are of course trying to get uh the most punches on the machine looks fun i'd say it's about technique though boys not all brute force uh figure out how to move your hips into the punch and even you less technical fighting ways like those machines you can game them.

You just really need to be straight on. When they're coming down at it with those hammer fists, it's antithetical to the hinge. You just want straight on and it'll go up. I've seen people game it. Today's episode is brought to you by Magic Mind. That's right. You guys know it by now, but some of you aren't using it. Ironically, you're not using it because you're dumb because you're not using it. If you were using it, then you would know to continue to use it. I'm talking about Magic Mind, the once daily shot, the magical elixir that's going to help you knock stuff off your to-do list rather than see it grow. Quit procrastinating. What are you afraid of? That's anxiety because you're taking too much coffee and you're on like

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and the Bachelor fans that are below deck, down under under fans are the most rabid of all our fans. If you use promo code Jason at MagicMind.co to get 20% off Magic Mind, we know you're better fans. Please. Please. Please. Gain the algorithm. So Magda texts her boyfriend who she loves but not enough to prevent her from grinding on other guys in her bikini. And that's when he sends her a picture back. It is a selfie of him in the background taken by a girl in the foreground. This is wild. I can't muster up enough care to care about how toxic this relationship is. But just imagine everyone listening, if your partner did that to you,

something must be horrifically wrong with these two. But it's kind of like what, you know, those dramatic people in your life. You have the couples that always fight or you have the person that's always welcoming and negativity. You're just like, I can't even bother with it anymore the stupidest thing i've ever done in my relationship with total miscalculation on my part was uh dylan you might have been there nicky you've been there we're in vegas on a corolla trip and it's a it's at some one of those stupid gross hotels with the pool party i don't know if you guys were there for that i love gross hotels with the pool party. I don't know if you guys were there for that one. I love gross hotels and pools. So there was a girl there that looks like my wife, and I made the mistake of telling my wife,

oh, because there was a picture taken with a group of girls, and I said, oh, that girl's really nice, and she looked just like you. She's like, oh, really? I was like, yeah, I told her. She was like, don't ever tell a girl that she looks like your wife, you pig. But you see your mistake, right?

That sounds like you're hitting on it. You're like, you look like the girl I'm spending the rest of my life with. I could barely tell the difference. I see how that could be seen that way. My intent was not meant that way. Do you mean you see how that's the only way it can be seen? Yeah, now, especially after I got yelled at

and not talked to for two days. Right, yeah. I'm with Sheree on that one. Stupid, it was stupid. I'm with Sheree on being mad at him, but I also but i also like magnus boyfriend i also completely believe pat's obliviousness to what he was doing at the time he's i don't i think pat's too smart for that uh so sometimes when he's holding court you like anything's liable come on that's true pat is very smart but i mean you know i remember being in the Bob Hope Burbank Airport. Pat is just...

I'm still on seasick. Last time I was here, Pat was on such a high, he was getting fucking hammered at Guy Fieri's place. Just slamming back mimosas, eating some type of breakfast taco. Just dropping shit on the floor. Me and Shuri were like, who are you? Why do you think you can have a puddle of lettuce beneath you and someone else cleans it up?

Like, what are you doing? I love watching Pat talk to strangers. All right, so. He has a level of interest that I could never muster. I care, I care. I care with certain people. I usually don't want to talk to anybody, anybody ever. But, you know, somebody like Wadada.

Give me five minutes and let me go. So the girls are in heat talking about wanting to fuck the captain with their tits out. And that's when Jamie walks in. He's like, sorry. And Britt's like, it's okay. Do you like what you see? No, he didn't. He's told you that he's repulsed by you stop trying guys have a pretty big spectrum on their attractiveness it usually correlates with uh

alcohol yeah and i just wish that somebody like brit would have enough respect to not want to go anywhere near that spectrum because the only place she'll land is in a place that inherently is disrespectful to her, which is on all fours. Yeah. Wearing a helmet. Don't look at that helmet. The disco helmet. Don't turn back.

Don't turn back. I think it's disrespectful to think that she doesn't want to be disrespected in such a way. She is begging for it. There's nothing she would like more than for Jamie to have his way with her. But it's... I was messing up my pronouns. It's pain that leads her to wanting that disrespect.

I think it's more and more just a dry spell. Long, long dry spell. I just think if a man openly, insultingly rejects you the way that Jamie did, even if you keep wanting it, it's a little problematic. Hey, a little quick personal story here. Kind of like the scenario that I gave that.

And we're at 24 minutes, which shockingly we, we might have to hurry up. Right, right. So get this. I have this friend, her name shall remain nameless.

She was dating. Obviously he was a gay guy, and she was paying all his bills and letting her live with him in her apartment. And all the friends knew this guy was obviously gay, right? And one night we're all out, and she asked the question. She's like, hey, I got to ask you guys this question. I'll say his name. His name was Brooke.

And she says, he only wants doggy style and anal. So how does the story end? Oh, he was gay after he dumped her. He went and lived with a man and died of a drug overdose. Oh, I thought she was hideously in the face. I just knew that story was going to be so uplifting. So she also speaks of clinical depression if she doesn't get any dick. Getting high for the first time today.

Oh, good for you. Congratulations. All right, next day. Next day. Meanwhile, this is a big one. This is bad hosting, but you guys stop me wherever you want or we can go back. Hot Captain walks his sexy ass down to compliment Tombs on the laundry, and Ryan watches people make pizza on youtube when he

should be prepping uh asia speaks of laziness being a weak character trait and people couldn't agree more that's why i hate it so much when i see it bubble up in myself uh magda tells ryan about her boyfriend and here goes pizza rat oh you're jealous you can fuck me if you want to she's not gonna fuck you pizza right you're fucking hideous you look like lin-manuel miranda with a fucking liver sickness it's fucking disgusting i think he has a little bit of nick vile uh there he does he's like ugly nick vile he's ugly nick vile yeah uh that's a batch he was a bachelor all right one quick thing i just want to back up on a couple things so kermit gives uh the devil uh the cold shoulder in the galley and then we get a look back at kerman's past which we've had four

times she's been on two seasons well i i don't think we need to cover it uh because it's almost it's on all sea rats resumes uh alcohol divorce it's the it's it's what most of us put on our resume is uh experience with excel sheet you know yeah it's like our third line right of our repertoire i understand the microsoft suite yeah yeah uh there's a to put it there my father uh was killed in a in a draw a drug cart my sister was massacred by a tommy gun in bangkok it's on their resume yeah yeah you saw my gears turning earlier i i don't know what hilarious riff you guys just had and i know the feeling but what i was looking for was lynn no melanin miranda yeah a hundred ryan i don't know if it's scurvy that makes you like sickly white but he looks like lynn manuel miranda lynn no melanin

miranda exactly maybe if he dyed his hair blonde like ryan all right so i worked it out uh where are we finally finally asia goes up to tell hot captain that ryan has been extremely problematic and is a pizza rat and a useless piece of shit i think that's the transcript not sure though um couldn't be more proud of her you have to rat on people when it's becoming this big of a problem don't't rat if you don't need to. This is a situation where you need to. Toilet overflows again. Benny obviously cries out for daddy to come help. He says he wants to quit again

but thank God Keith Stone is on the job. The plumber. Now I love Culver. I think he's got a great can-do attitude. You don't need to put a mullet on and shove pillows in your shirt to fix a toilet. He's here to entertain us. He's the entertainment director dylan please that i would expect nothing less of him i want to say this about culver all right he is a little goofy and perhaps this little shtick could get old for a lot of people you make you go like you just get the fuck away from me

why are you always on dude you don't know who is the real culver i do want to say this uh very much of my second star wars reference i would like to clone him because i think it would be a better people he's positive positive he's nice he's hard working in shape yeah uh you know i don't come from a good family like this is this is who we want to aspire to be i i want to talk to him he might be the most boring interview we've ever done but I think it would be pretty boring. Culver, did I skip the preference sheet meeting entirely? You skipped the preference sheet meeting entirely. Oh, shit.

Holy fuck. I think it was in that meanwhile, which wasn't necessary meanwhile. I think right off the heels of that meanwhile was the preference sheet meeting. Well, thank God we can just say it now. Let's get to it. The preference sheet meeting. the preference shape. Make it! Janale Scarlett.

Originally, well, not originally. Currently, Melbourne, Victoria, is a high-flying aerospace engineer from Houston, Texas. No wonder he fell in love with aerospace. Who is celebrating a newly appointed role with NASA, going back home, that will have him leaving Australia and returning home to the U.S. He could also end up in Florida, possibly.

Janali describes himself as first-generation fancy, and he expects the highest quality cuisine, endless top-shelf liquor, and a once-in-a to the great barrier reef to scuba and snorkel got it jordanie genali will be a few of his american expats tom who calls himself tom gay from the usa is an actor and a model known for being the face of numerous australian brands really do not like this guy i like him you would think that he's the primary the one with brains and and merit and value but he's not in his head he's the primary, the one with brains and merit and value, but he's not.

In his head, he's the main character. Yeah, exactly. Sarah, originally from Connecticut, is a self-described country girl with a discerning palate for luxury. Stop what you're doing right now. We have to talk about this. That is pretty disgusting.

Can I finish the preference sheet meeting? No, you cannot. So we have a Napa cab. And T is an ex-U.S. Army soldier. Talk about i finish the preference sheet no yes yeah yeah i'm gonna army soldier talk about after the preference meeting it'll really distract people they won't even be able to keep the preferences straight now he's swirling it is a u.s army soldier who has been cruising the ocean all of his life rounding out the charter or ludia former pro soccer player turned boss lady physique matt a professional basketball player gabrielle the former winner of the

australian beauty competition uh miss multiverse and danny an account manager who is the queen of extravagant vacations most likely compensating for the fact that her job sounds a lot less cool than the rest of her friends these guests have traveled all over the world and are no strangers to high-end super yacht service the they expect only the absolute finest food service and the great barrier reef dive of their lives night one they want handmade pasta gabriel is gluten and lactose intolerant and the final night they want a prom theme party with water activities on all days and of course a journey to the outer reef which will land at white haven beach that concludes the preference sheet meeting now let's talk about what Pat did.

So why don't you say it? He has no respect for wine. I know what you did is trash. What's worse than, like, you're, okay, you're so disgusting. Pat. Yeah. He has no respect for wine. What's worse, having no respect for wine or portending to have a tremendous amount of respect for wine, wanting to buy property and solving and dumping mango white claw into a nice bottle of Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon?

What's worse? Well, Dylan, I don't think you should ever be so snobby that you'd have such reverence for a single bottle of wine. I mean, you don't even know where this was produced. I Vivino'd it. It has a 4.0 rating. That's fine, and it's $40. Oh, I paid that much for that bottle?

Jesus Christ, why am I poisoning it with claw? The question I'm wondering. I don't have a knowledge for wine, but I do have a respect and even a fear for wine. And I know I would not pour mango white claw in it. You should see what I do on Friday nights. Thank you. I usually throw a little OJ and probably $80 bottles of red to make myself a little sangria.

You know, that's way more acceptable. Oh. Way more acceptable. Sounds delicious, actually. Oh, it is. By the way, I'm so upset that I agreed to go on Friday night. Oh, tomorrow? It's not.

It's happy hour, dude. We're going to be out of there by... It's not going to turn into a whole night. No. I usually got about an hour and a half in me. Okay. You got whatever decision you want. You can leave whatever time you want.

No, I can say it all night. You know, we were at a meeting the other day, and i was giving people shit for not inviting me to things which is something he got invited to something i got invited to something and i do not want to go oh come on you want to go you don't want to go no i don't want to go i got five episodes to edit i i just got back from argentina i just want to have a night where i watch a show with my wife you know i get it well dude i haven't done that in dude feel you. I don't know how you showed up after getting off a fucking travel day. I had to take fucking 20 milligrams of Adderall. It'd fucking blow my brain out of the top of my head.

I get it. You deserve that, but I promise you, if we start at 4.30, you'll be out of there at 6. How's that sound? I don't believe you. I'll have guilt, and it'll go to 7.30 or 8. Don't feel guilty. Mark my words. All right, so. Excited to hear about it next week yeah me too so uh where are we where are we so the the cause

of the uh toilet overflowing is a white glove that somehow fell in the toilet and destroyed the plumbing now magda's wondering how this could have happened you're incredibly stupid that's why it happened um am i being too like why do i maybe it's misogynistic i don't know i just call guys dumb too mag does uh inflated sense of pretty and stupidity bother me so much i think there's the stupidity i think she's stupid don't get me wrong but i definitely think she puts on the stupidity in a hot amelia bedelia type way right right knowing that she doesn't really this is a stopgap yeah to then influence uh yeah with her her real latina soul and decently good looks and height she's's going to make some money selling some tummy tea, and she doesn't have to fucking do the laundry,

and she'll be funny while she sucks at it. So bothersome. So Aisha wants Magda away from the paying guests. Makes perfect sense, but unfortunately for Aisha, she is terrible at leading people. Her managerial style is, underlings, you tell me what you want to do, and I will kowtow to what you want to do.

Yeah, backfire. I think she's earning her stripes. She's seeing the mistakes that she's making, and she's going to turn into a hard ass. Hopefully, it's really the only way to lead people. You just have to be a dick sometimes. You got to experience it. You can't read this stuff in books.

No, you can't. Make every mistake in the book before you become an expert. All right. So Hot Captain gets pretty pissed off at his crew for making him wait. They undock. This is when the show really starts going off a cliff. Oh, you guys aren't going to do anything in this episode. He goes down, tells Benny to not try to kill everyone ever again.

Benny says it's from Hot Captain and it's uplifting. So it's fine he likes his management style as opposed to jamie eye roll shut up benny god damn it it's really disgusting how the once angsty child is now cuddling up to pop and his pjs and watching some sport games i'm i've been in in work situations where there is no positive reinforcement. I don't believe in a, it's your job, do it. You don't need to get praised for it. But Benny seems to need adoration and kind of a pat on the ass at every turn.

And it's disgusting. It makes me feel like an old man watching him. Really. But he's probably the same age as you, honestly. Yeah, well, he's got a broken brain because his parents died tragically in the same six-month span. I think he had a broken brain. What? Oh, really? I didn't know that.

And he falls back on that. I didn't know that. Both his parents died? Yeah. His parents both died very, very close together. He keeps it pretty close to the vest. Yeah, I guess he does. You know, when he was untangling those uh knots that rope i i was

like that is that's symbolic of what his life is right now he's untying a lot of uh knots to be fair pick up on that what a great metaphor here's the difference that's the word i was searching for here's the difference in similarity between me and benny i would have quit if i had to untangle that that ball and i would have just jumped off the boat and started swimming. But I didn't choose to be in that career. I chose to do this. You know, so figure it out Benny. God damn it, you're

annoying. Okay. I think we're almost done. I'm not sure though. Before we... I had a good Benny point. I can't remember. Anything before we get to lunch? Well, I just want to say the guests arrive and pina coladas as opposed to champagne is served. Split pina coladas too. Not emulsified.

I hate that in a pina colada. When the pineapple juice and the ice split from the coconut cream, you can see it. And it's just that needs to be stirred by the guests. Dylan, when we go out to that happy hour tomorrow that you don't want to go to, I'm going to order a pina colada. Do they make them there? I'll make them make it. Where are you guys going?

Not saying. Laurel Tavern, do you want to go? No. You don't want an $18 burger? I, too, want the invite, but I'm assuming you're going with your work friends. Yeah. And I find that- Old Hoffer's coming.

That is fun, but I find the rest of them incredibly dull but i also want to be invited again i feel left out when i'm not invited but then i'm there and i'm like what why did i do that consider yourself invited so um yes the guests do what do i arrive i'm so sorry that i'm gonna watch lfa sorry lfa it's it's uh minor league mma okay that is just fucking crazy um magda who wants to be on service, has given the platter of drinks to offer the guest. She just refuses it. What is happening? Alright, so lunch

is going to be shellfish, but before we get there, we've got the gluten-free cracker gate. Magda gets the kinds of crackers wrong and then just begins arguing with her boss in front of ty gay from usa or whatever the fuck his name is i know we're

gonna wrap this up in five minutes but quick story so well first just to surmise uh what happened here so kermit clearly says over the radio to magna uh those are not gluten-free and magna says great they are and then serves them and then later at the bar after they'd all realized that they possibly put this person in front of paying guests argues with Kermit that Kermit says

I told you not to serve and she goes no you said they weren't alright so speaking of food Pizza Rat killed it again he threw a bunch of fucking sea bugs in a pot of water and said, you pick the fucking meat out of the shells. That's all you're getting. This guy is a fucking idiot.

Bread, salad, anything you stupid fuck, you want to just put lobster on the table and call it a day. Now, Chefy goes up to see if they're enjoying themselves. They are obviously not. Ryan sucks, but so does Gay Tom. Stop being a bitch. Stop being a bitch to people who are serving you. Like, Asha brings up the bread, and he's like,

oh, these are small pieces. Then take two. Yeah. Don't. By the way, being kind of, like, picky, that's not saying that you're a value or a wealth as a human being. Like, it's a bad look. No, it is not.

It's a bad look it is not i mean terrible look uh by the way so ryan answers his response to the wanting carbs uh is of course with respect yeah and and positivity that he's been a we've been accustomed to see him oh or he says and i quote what the fuck is their problem? And then later, this isn't Red Lobster. No, it's not. No, no, no. It is, though. There's no salad at Red Lobster. It's biscuits and seafood. What you're doing is Red Lobster.

That's the ceiling of your culinary abilities. Go make pies. Go make pies. Go make pies. And this is no different than all the other times he's acted up in the galley, but Hot Captain was in there this time. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Ryan's doing this thing that people do to you,

and they think they're relating to you, but they're really just turning you off completely yeah and captain jason's like oh it fucking is a red lobster yeah yeah and shit and well no he's like hey can we have some sides next time and put enough food out so the guests don't have to ask for food please cap can you believe these fucking assholes up here they're just little piggies and they'll eat whatever shit we give them right cap uh yeah you're fired we're gonna call leon who's also a prick but better than you oh my god it is leon who's coming back isn't it i think so i think that is possibly a spoiling i think i saw it months ago all right so asia finds magda with white gloves in her back pocket and again uh or again um and she is also taking time out of her work

day to clean up her room jason sends out the flares for a backup chef as we mentioned he was hitting up one of his many life partners around the globe but you can do anything with a chiron and post so um the guests go around a corner after they've arrived at this beach picnic uh white haven beach the most photographed beach in australia and jamie takes his shirt off to go save them hardo what are you gonna do they're they're football fields and football fields away from you the thing i don't think you realize what's going on the wine really is a different type of coat. But some people stand in the darkness, Dylan, afraid to step into the light.

Some people need to help somebody. Who are you quoting? Don't you worry. He was doing Baywatch. He ripped his shirt off and he ran into the ocean. There's a lyric to the theme song to Baywatch. Okay. All right.

So we have to get back to Shitface. He's going to do a seven course dinner for the evening, not coursed out at all. Because I'm always ready. It's going to be family style, seven plates at one time. And he's doing this because he is once again in I'll show you mode. He says these guests want quantity over quality. And a producer asks the very reasonable question, if you're a trained chef, why can you not do both of those things?

He scoffs and says something about gluten. Gluten or whatever the fuck that bitch. Yeah. I believe it's his response. I'm paraphrasing. Yeah, that's what he learned. I'm tiring of him. I'm tiring.

Grown weary. What he's learned from that lunch service dylan as you pointed out is not that he's a lazy piece of shit he's a narcissist yeah but the guests want as you said quantity over quality so we're back to we've gone from red lobster to sizzler so we'reler now. He's going to just put meatballs and taco shells and just make a lot of them. There's some seafood buffet on Western. I don't like seafood buffets. We've talked about it so much. Alright.

So Ryan says you can't. We covered this. This is the end of the show. Oh, you kept Hot hot captain jason playing online chess yes that was funny who gives a fuck the the whole end of this this episode i'm not even going to read my notes it's all deck stuff it's captain uh hot captain jason playing chess literally playing chess and waiting for them to do their job. Below Deck, Peacock, do better next week. Well, there's a reason why it's on Peacock, Dylan.

We will try to do better next week, but I think we had a lot of fun here. Jump in the comments. Let us know what you thought. Be nice. Be mean. You're paying us. I want to see how many people listen to the end. Hey, if you heard the sound of old Patty's voice here, once again, let's do another round on another below deck podcast facebook group start taunting all the cheapos tell them i love that how good

down under is and how you're peeing your pants you're laughing so hard and how should we do like a keyword like should people just randomly start posting words in the facebook group sure let's do it what would the word be um red lobster yeah yeah yeah yeah thoughts red lobster dot dot dot thoughts love that love that so if you made it to the end just go on the facebook group let us know red lobster ellipses thoughts you can put a question mark or another ellipses exclamation however you want to punctuate it but i think it's a lot of fun actually. And also unrelated. Uh, if you made it this far in the comments of the Patreon video or audio, comment your favorite breakfast item. It's a completely separate thing.

Okay. I like that. All right. Hey, thanks for getting to the end of the podcast. We love you for supporting us. Genuinely can't thank you enough. Can't believe that we get to do this and make money.

It's because of you guys. We'll see you soon. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Nick say goodbye. Crepe. It's because of you guys. We'll see you soon. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Nick, say goodbye. Crepe. Pat, say goodbye. Tacos. Bye.