Another Below Deck Podcast - Waterlogged | Below Deck Down Under S3 E6

Episode Date: March 11, 2025

Dylan and Pat are back to break down kimonos, jetskis, in memoriams, corporate siestas and more from Bravo's Below Deck Down Under. Traitors at Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetwork YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@anotherbelowdeckpodcast_

Hey Mike, glad you could join me for some great seafood. Me too. Wait, why are you dressed in fishing gear? You said we were going out to catch great seafood, right? Yes, to Popeyes. Do you even know how to fish? No, I thought you did. Oh yeah, I can catch pretty good seafood at Popeyes.

Let's go. Let Popeyes do the fishing while you enjoy our delicious signature seafood. Get Popeyes' Flounder Fish Sandwich or Shrimp Tackle Box before they're gone. Limited time at participating U.S. restaurants. ["The Daily Show Theme"] Bettering your business takes working with the best. With the James Hardy Alliance, you gain access to leads, training, networking,

and support from the number one brand of siding in North America. Achieve new levels of success by joining the James Hardy Alliance today. Hi, hello and welcome to another brand spanking new episode of another below deck podcast. My name is Dylan. My name is Dylan and that is Pat. His name is Pat. Permission to come aboard.

Granted. What's up, bitch? Oh, not much. Um, OK, so. Cool news, cool updates, cool news. What are they? Huh? What are the cool updates and cool news from our world? Our world?

Traders is over. Well, that's sad news. Oh, yeah, that's a good point. OK, well, that's sad news. Oh yeah, that's a good point. Okay well that's sad news, but the good news is- Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Well, Lindsay Hubbard is pregnant by another man in the same house with her ex-fiance. It is kind of weird to even think about how fucking bizarre that is. And then you've got Jesse Solomon, who I think as a girlfriend, four episodes of the show, it's like really, really crazy stuff. Paige and Kyle, little leprechaun are fighting. It's like really really crazy stuff. Paige and

Kyle, little leprechaun are fighting and it's gonna be great so go to patreon.com slash another podcast network to listen to that. I just got back from Seattle. I am so excited to talk about Seattle with you. Some of the weirdest people just here they're the weirdest people. So it's not Austin is keep it weird? No it's I would say make Seattle less weird. They are so weird and aloof up there. Just to give you an example of how fucking insane people are. I walked into a little convenience store, a little sandwich shop to get my wife some water and a guy walked in and went to the the register next to me

He said are you guys still serving breakfast and the cashier said no and I looked at my watch was 415 in the afternoon What is happening keep Seattle weird keep Seattle weird All right, so you're gonna discuss that on APS yes by the paywall. Yes, and I'm gonna talk about My five-year-old's birthday party. It was Barbie themed. My wife and I, we love to, we love talks, talks back about other parents. We had a bet. So our gift bags this year, we were trying to be, elevate ourselves as parents that were doing well. Parents of status. That's right. That's right. That's how this world works and

So we doesn't that's how the private schools Sphere in Los Angeles work. Yes. Yeah, and so we gave Barbie dolls and Lego sets away Yeah as gifts cost fucking fortune. I'm not bragging. I'm an idiot for doing it and We had a bet the night before what parent is going say, my kid wants this at the start of the party? Point at a bag. What a specific bet. It is, no, no, no. This is the way it works.

You give gift bags out at the end of the kids party. But for a parent to point at a specific Barbie doll or Lego set and say, my kid wants that, that's a special brand of narcissism. Well, I think that you invite. And we nailed it. You invite interlopers into this house all the time. The stories I hear of these parents, they should be institutionalized. But go to patreon.com slash another podcast network

for all of that. That's right. Reality Gays, we just sat down with them for a long time. It was probably the longest podcast we've done. I think we did a two hour podcast. Yeah. So it was great fun with those boys. Wrapping up Love is Blind. Worst season ever. Worst season ever. But we are here tonight to talk about the three-card Monte of women and we in below deck. Now this is a good show. This is good reality

TV unlike Love is Blind. Right, Because if you look at the difference in casting, right? Now, Love is Blind often recruits traumatized youngsters who grow into broken human beings. Ah, this is the reverse. This is traumatized youngsters who grew up into broken human beings that flee the land and go to see. Do you see how the stakes are higher? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We get some great Sea Rat history tonight. Beef, beefcakes. I mean, you know, I thought it was probably the worst episode of the season, actually. Are you kidding me? But, um, 50 pots. 50 pots? Yeah. Wow. I thought it was great. I don't remember what happened cuz I watched this like five days ago and I had Mariah Carey's back. Oh Screaters yeah that's right. Alright can I start us off Dale? No you have to give your fucking pots. Oh yeah that's right. I'm gonna give it a, just because I don't remember what happens in this episode at the top of my mind I would have give it 50 pods Okay, that's a great score

Okay. Okay. You clearly have a joke that you would like to Tell a story. Okay. Okay. So the episode begins with Johnny the decky taking charter guests India India or India You got it, okay She panics a bit on that skidoo. Yeah, she can't swim. That's right. And I once asked a lifeguard,

because you know when I'm at parties or cocktail parties and I find out what someone does, I always ask them the most inappropriate question. Was it a lifeguard with like big juicy cans that run down to the beach? It was a big guy. He looked like he was on Baywatch. Okay. And I said, give me the best story you ever had as a life

card, because I always wonder, do you just sit in that funny chair? You got to be careful with that question, because you get some pretty harrowing stories. Well, he told me one time, he ran out in the ocean, and he grabbed onto the person to save him, tried to grab him, put him one of those buoy things around him to hold him up.

They panicked so much, they almost drowned him. He said the biggest problem with being a lifeguard is when you go out to save someone, they can possibly kill you because they panic so much. Right, right, right, right, right. And in those moments sometimes, you know, they become the enemy and you have to fight for your own life. You have to punch him in the face, knock him out and leave him for dead to drown in the water because you gotta look out for yourself. Because a life, what are they called? The lifeguard? Lifeguard, yeah, yeah.

A lifeguard is, you know, there's a lot of philosophical, ethical weight pushed down upon these people and if they are there to guard life and there is something that is threatening two lives instead of one, it's one of these kind of ethical quandaries. It's a Sophie's choice. You have to save the most lives. You have to guard the most lives. And that would be

myself. Right, right, right, right. I got a lifeguard story, you know, it's so crazy. My friend Connor, he was, he was skimboarding. The board got stuck in the sand and it came up. He hit his foot on the giant hematoma starts to grow the blood pouring into this bulb on top of his foot. Who helps him to the lifeguard station? You? No, Jennifer Lawrence. She's probably out there fucking saving some dolphins or something. Now she went to church with us. Oh, some dolphins or something. Now she went to church with us. Oh, isn't that crazy? We're such Hollywood elites. It's so crazy. This is why, this is why the rest of the country hates us. You know what I mean? We deserve it. Yeah, we do. Anyway, uh, wean, uh, let us know who's, uh, who's lifeguard story was better. Yeah, right. Well, um, anyway, uh, wean,, we and he goes out there and I think he gets her back to the boat and leaves Johnny out there

Meanwhile a dare who I think he is in love with is talk. It's a major shit about him. Yeah, because She's like I wouldn't put that no. She says she says our boss is a threat to Himself and everybody aboard this vessel. That's right. A little bit like the opposite of a lifeguard. He is perfect for the show. He is borderline incompetent, dangerously so. I mean, he rolls up to that jet ski with Johnny now drowning. He's like, I think there was a leak in that thing.

They're like yeah happy we had the discussion about it five minutes ago this is where the great cast comes in because I'm getting ahead of myself but later on we'll have a meeting with hot hot pants and we'll calls him completely out on his bullshit yeah yeah listen mate what are we talking about him what we talking about Yeah. Yeah. Listen, right? What are we talking about him? What are we talking about here? OK, all right. So anyway, they drag that fucking thing in and then they all like pile it onto that platform.

Very impressive. I just want to say I feel a little weird because I that got into like a domino kind of impression or a data kind of impression. And I didn't mean for it to be that I would never do that. One thing I should know better is I listen to podcasts where a bunch of American people do invitations of people from the UK and Australia. And I always cringe when I hear it. And then I have to look at myself in the mirror and go, why are you doing it?

Yeah. Yeah. You're part of that same awful tapestry. That's right. Yeah. Okay. So we get the jet skis back on the boat and it starts to sink immediately. They have to, it's a fire of skis back on the boat, and it starts to sink immediately. It's a fire alarm fire. This Skidoo is 20k, right? They've got to rescue this Skidoo. And they can only do it with the help of the coal shovelers,

the sex traffickers from underneath the bow. Yeah. You're talking about the engineers. Yes. Were it not for them, we would have lost this Skidoo. By the way, engineers has a huge spectrum of what it beats. In the film Prometheus, Engineers were people that created life on another planet. Engineers on this Sea Rat vessel mean, I don't know what the hell you do, Doug.

Well, they keep the multi-million dollar vessel afloat. They're really the only serious people aboard this vessel. And we constantly mock them. You know, I got to talk about it, but alien Romulus, man. You liked it. I give you so much shit for watching these alien movies over and over and over again. It was fantastic. Did I tell you the last alien is Elliot's soccer coach, the skinny humanoid one? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. His name's Trevor. He looks that weird in fucking person. Oh, that was such a skinny guy. That was such a horrifying. Oh, it was so scary.

I gotta tell you though guys, if you've never seen Amy Romulus, there's this scene where the all of the xenomorphs, right? They're in this hallway and they're all getting out. Where they come from? I don't know. Why the fuck there are all of a sudden 50 of them? I don't know. But she she hits the zero gravity on them, right? And then they're all just floating there. She shoots all of them. It's this crazy scene. And then they have to get through, but all of the acid blood is still hung in the air. So she has to, they have to kind of gravity go through. It's pretty awesome. I was like, well that actually is quite a creative thing that ChetT came up with. Okay so. Okay okay I want to set us up here

don't. Yeah. Alright so uh. Has it been good so far? I think it's been really good. Oh we're killing it. Yeah I think so. Okay okay so uh Weehan gets back on the boat. Yeah. And uh he immediately I think is greeted by uh Zarina. Yeah. Or something like that. Yeah. And so he, I think he's a loser with a dare. She doesn't want any part of him. I think those two Sea Rats aren't gonna hook up. But the good news for him is Zarina's self-esteem is lower than the back of that jet ski in the water. Okay, okay.

So. Well, we love Zarina, okay. Oh, and by the way, this is a great plug. Zarina will be on the show on Friday's episode. We're interviewing her. So are we interviewing her on Friday? Yeah, so go to our Facebook group and submit your questions. We'll ask her is it in person or zoom zoom? Okay. Yeah Okay. Well, hopefully she doesn't listen this episode. She might not want to show up

Well, yeah, you just said something pretty awful about her But I mean I referred to her as her food as as pan am, you know cafeteria food So I'm sure that she's, you know, I mean, listen, she's a good sport. I, listen, I am, I just didn't know that was happening. Do I need to get better at the emails? Cause that's probably an idea.

You are on that email. Okay, yeah, that's my bad. Okay, so Ween's all smiles. He's like, take a picture. We're gonna laugh about this for years to come and The charter guests are pretty chill about this because if you look over the bow what you see is really this kind of circus act of These sea rats who have no fucking idea what's going on The guests want to bar hop and what the guests want they get so they they will get, it's a Willy Wonka moment.

You will get nothing. You will get hot ass captain and Johnny in bathrobes or kimonos. That's right, kimonos. And you will get we in twerking his hot little body. Can you imagine Lee pulling this off in a kimono? I can. Ahhhhhhh!

But Captain Hot Pants Jason says, we kind of owe it to them. What are we gonna do for an In Memoriam? Because I don't think that he's going to, listen, I think he's a healthy guy, but you know, death can come for us at any day. Well, he's lived a great life. I mean, we really got to think about that because the you know, this is no spring chicken.

I mean, we really we should have a folder in our phone. Let me tell you something. When you make it past 75, like he is that old bastard. You know what? Every day is a gift. I think he's, I gotta talk to Kate about this. I think Bravo has given them a show to recap Bravo shows in the summer again. I don't know what agent he has. What's going on here? Well, Paige and Kyle are yelling at each other about level.

Well, I want to, he's fucking like, he's a bill Belichick of reality TV recap. This is all right. Anyway, he does. We all know no one misses him. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, All right. So this is when meanwhile, meanwhile, we had attempts to pass the buck on the jet ski debacle. I think he talks to Johnny is like, Hey, remember when I didn't send you guys out in the water with that, that jet ski that was fully submerged water.

Yeah. Oh yeah. I kind of remember that. Well, we're getting ready for dinner. Last night, the steaks were undercooked. But tonight, it's going to be different. Now, I could have been a little bit more flowery when describing these steaks. But because we've already gone hard on Zarina

and we're talking to her on Friday, I'm going to lay off. That's right. OK. That's what we do in the business. I'm going to lay off. OK. OK. Well, there's still dinner to get to.

Hopefully you have some good pizza. Dinner was great. Dinner was great. Oh, good. Yeah, yeah. But before we get there, we have to talk to Wien and Captain. Don't put the jet ski in the water if it's got a leak. That's it.

Fairly self-explanatory. Come on, man. I mean, he expressed. Don't even try to fuck around with me, okay? That's what he was like when he was talking to him. And Wien was like throwing excuses out there and he was like, Get those out of here, man. I don't want to.

Now he's a little British now, but you know, it's point taken. He was pretty peeved. I like Hot Pants Captain. Oh yeah, he's great so moving on. Now I do want to say although hot pants captain Jason was not Johnny Cochran his examination of Weehan was quick and it exposed him to be a liar and full... Was Johnny Cochran good at cross-examination? Is that was that his strength? All I know is he got a guy that a guy off the cut two people sets off with a

gardening trial. It's amazing there There are probably like ringers that you bring in in the battlefield of law. There's probably guys and gals that excel in cross-examination. So like Johnny Cochran, there's some gardener who saw OJ Simpson cut two people's heads off. With a gardening trial. He just completely eviscerates his character. who saw OJ Simpson cut two people's heads off. Well, the gardening's right. And he just completely eviscerates his character.

And the man saw it happen. But Johnny Cockard's so goddamn good that he got him off. That's right. I feel like we're getting a little distracted. That's fine. It's mainly my fault. So Weehan is a former stripper who is confused about why all these girls are crushing on him.

Probably because you have accepted their courtship and returned kind of physical interest back at them, I would say. I think I mentioned this on the last podcast, Dale. The reason why Weehan, who I didn't realize at the outset, was a true boson for this show. He is a true Sea Rat boson. He's a womanizing pig. Yeah. Manipulative. He did not show his hand the first part of this season. I

thought he was just a worker bee kind of checking out what his options might be. But he is a full-blown pig. Yeah, a subterranean pig. You got to dig a couple layers before you see what a big giant pig he is. But you know who isn't a pig? Harry. No. What are you going to say? I was going to say big red. Big red.

Yeah. Not a pig. And Harry also not a pig. You remember when the Deb told you to shit or get off the pot with her daughter. Ashley. She said, uh, you had sex with my daughter. She gets to move into your shitty apartment. I was like, no way Deb.

Yeah. She's like, well, I will tell her that she does not need to communicate with you anymore. Yeah. And I fell for it. Yeah. That didn't go well. Great job, Deb. Yeah. She's gonna sue me someday. I'm sure she tries to track me down every once. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's what you call, you know, square peg Randall. You know, it's just not gonna work that. So Harry is kind of slow playing this to a fault

at this point. Big Red is ready to pump things up. She wants more heat in the bedroom. Absolutely. This is mind blown. OK, so this is an interesting thing about what's going on with the dynamic between men and women. Yeah.

We've been told as men, hey, don't be a fucking gross pig and try and make out with us and push us into a bedroom. Well, you know, listen, there's a certain truth to you know how do I want how do I say I know this is yeah this is tightrope I will say there is a fine balance between I think Harry she should communicate more with what she wants. Yeah yeah yeah what women have to understand is that men are dumb and bad at picking up. We can be specialists at having sex with women, but in terms of navigating the emotions of another person who is female, pretty bad at that.

Or when to make a move and when not to. I will say at the tail end of this episode, it was a classic example of what men and women think about the same thing that happened and then when you walk into separate rooms. Well, I'll tell you what, if somebody brings like example of what men and women think about the same thing that happened and then when you walk into separate rooms. Well I'll tell you what if if somebody brings you up to a guest cabin that's a fairly clear communication. It's a fairly clear communication at least you know we don't have to eat each other's tush or anything but definitely don't go we've got a lot of work today tomorrow better go to bed. Alright. Definitely don't do that. Alright personal story,

Patty personal story. Yeah. 20 some odd years ago I worked on a recording studio major artists went through there. There was a particular music artist, female, she was on a record like record. Did she have a busted up Mustang and a drug problem? She had like a semi hit song I will not give her name up. Okay. He's talking about Fergie. Get this. He's talking about Fergie. No I'm not. So I wanted to go on a date with her and I'm like 22, 23. So I call her because she gave me her number. Yeah. And so I call her that's when you'd call people back in the day. Yeah. And she picks up and I said hey would you like to go to a movie tonight at the Chinese man's theater? And she said, no, I'm staying at the hotel. They put her up at the

Roosevelt. She goes, why don't you just come up to my room? Do you want to know how I internalize that? I thought that she was telling me that she didn't want to go on a date with me. She was saying, come up to my room and let's have a good time time Well, she was saying she doesn't want to go on a date with you. You're a peon. You're disgusting You're going to be why waste time why waste the time right? I don't want to see that movie I just want to crack my rocks off and you were such a little Fido that you didn't pick up on no didn't I mean it's just nuts, but you know Harry. I'll figure it out I think let's get to dinner galley galley First up is a local chicken and red curry. They like it and then we get to the rooms which are absolutely disgusting I don't know how the fuck they're supposed to clean this wall running plates

This is by the way, these two departments should be completely separated I don't want you cleaning dookie out of a toilet. Oh sure and then Maybe washing your hands and then laying plates on the table. This does not work for me. No, no, no. I mean, even if a clean thumb is anywhere near the sauce, Patty will not eat it.

If you put your fucking thumb on my plate, even near anywhere where I'm going to scrape fruit off of, send it back. Send it back. You know I did that. And you're a lot like Barbra Streisand in that regard. So next dish is a local sea bass with a passion fruit sauce and fennel. Lovely, light, flavorful.

I don't know if I wrote sauce or they called it a sauce, but if they called it a sauce, we've talked about this before, that needs to be removed, right? We're not at a caros, right? We're not at a caros, right? We are not at a hometown buffet. We need to use terms like reduction. We need to use terms like gas streaks. We need to use terms like shoe. You know what I mean? Why aren't they doing that? Well, I don't know. I'm a little question I'm going to have for her because she is not using it. But again, I don't know if it's me on the pot or if that you think. It's not you.

They are not using those words. This is onion soup. Yeah, well, French onion soup, you can. I'm talking about this. I'm just saying, find a fancy. No, I know you're trying to agree with me, but yeah. Find fancy. You're saying to find fancy.

That's right. Like, fool us with the words. Dance around with words. Yeah. Ooh. Call something aubergine instead of eggplant. Yeah. Oh, wow.

Yeah. Well, it tastes better when you say it like that. Yeah, 100%. Okay, so Marina versus Adair. Marina is a little peeved that Adair doesn't like cleaning shit off of porcelain bowls. And this is where Marina really took a couple steps back from me because she essentially, she invented a lie and framed a dare. She

dropped a dime on her on false grounds. Well, remind me. Well, I will say this. It's clear that a dare prefers the decky life as opposed to cleaning shit off a toilet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, who wouldn't, you know, like getting jet skis into fresh ocean water as opposed to cleaning a crusted fecal matter off the toilet? Let's be honest, this is human beings.

There's only two points in your life you're going to tolerate dookies, like all over the place. College roommates, you accept it because it's a funny story that's disgusting. Yeah or if you're a lot lizard. Second point in your life you have toddlers and you accept that as well. Sometimes I walk in the bathroom in the morning and I'm like Jesus fucking Christ did Godzilla drop a log in here and no it's my four-year-old. Yeah. It's disgusting. You know it's so crazy I learned you know because I've been reading up on baby stuff, like potty training, you essentially have to like just sit there with them naked.

And then when they start to pee, you got to like, it's like, how do you give them positive reinforcement? I hadn't even thought of that. How do you trick a human being into not shitting everywhere? It's amazing conditioning that we do. Yeah, well, we've been doing it for thousands of years. Yeah, millions maybe even. So anyways Sea Rat history with Wee and I'm gonna let you take this away. Well he was a I don't know where he's going with this he worked at

a gay bar but he was a shirtless. You know what Poodle and Maddie just introduced us to this term. I knew what they were but I didn't know that they had a name the name is go-go boy. A go- he was a go-go boy this is not a Sea Rat history story by the way Dill I'm not even gonna qualify this okay this is just him I think trying to hide the fact that he may have had sex with gaben no no no no no I think he was just I think he was just a go-go boy. Okay. I think that's all that was going on. No judgment here. Live your best life. I don't care Yeah, no, I just think he was a good boy, but anyways dessert is rum and coconut cake with saffron meringue That's a tough pot and she pulls it off lovely meal 81 pots

I would say then we get to Marina dropping a dime and listen we don't care enough really to get into the specifics of it, right? Because it's oh by dropping a dime she went and complained about her. Yeah, she went and ratted. She ratted. She ratted. She ratted She dined. She dined. She goes to Lara and she says a dare Refused she said no, I'm not doing that. I don't think that's what happened I think a dare was being pulled in 15 different directions I like a dare. She is a wild card. I have no idea who she is. She looks like Kind of a gunner like she would sit on top of a tank and slaughter Germans or something. I'm not sure perhaps Yeah, but as I've been looking at her face and studying it for quite some time, okay

She looks like a younger Tony Tony Collette I think she won a Grammy or something Tony Collette won a Grammy or an Oscar Maybe an Emmy. There you go. Yeah Yeah, maybe she won an Emmy for something do a side-by-side one of you lit barnacles do a Tony Collette a dare side-by-side Yeah, I won't see it. I'm banned from Facebook So we better for that we get to the Captain's Lounge. This is the kind of Sea Rat stuff that people really flip out for, right?

Because as we know, the guests are, you know, they can barely afford these vacations. So if you had real money, right? Like if you flew into a town and The only hotel you were gonna stay at is the Four Seasons You would not be okay with this kind of fucking tomfoolery, right? This is this is disgusting Sea-rat shit and it works for people who are

who go on like bicycle drinking tours, right? Which is essentially what the clientele of this franchise is. Um, it's not up to par. It's not up to code. It's not anything that should be really enjoyed. So you're like Captain Jason, smoking jacket. No, it's fun. It's fun. It's fun. Yeah, but he looked like Hugh Hefner Yeah, welcome to the captains lab if Hugh Hefner was a buff beautiful blue-eyed Australian man another shriveled fucking

Freak well at some point he was younger you ever see any video of him in the 70s He was high on gacked out on trucker meth. Watch those old videos. Old Patty did a bunch of stuff on Hugh Hefner on TMZ. Watch old videos with him. He's grinding his teeth as they're interviewing him. He was high on trucker meth. And it might not have been trucker meth.

It might have been just good old fashioned tinsel town blow and a lot of it you know stuff was cleaner back then that's true you could you could essentially snort your way to China back then Jesus okay the women are flipping out and then we get to the stripping I think that we end as a great was that was I too insulting when I talked? About the bicycle tour. I don't think so. That's who's on this boat. Okay good. Yeah. Yeah Probably cost less than a bicycle tour to be on this show. Oh, you'll show up Yeah, you're fine You're on it. So Harry and Big Red are not on the same page, but Harry thinks they are he needs to be

Well, I was gonna say, he needs to read a few more chapters from How to Close Ass for Less Money. Now, I do wanna say this to Harry. You are playing this the exact way you should. Well, okay, so for those uninitiated, Patrick has penned a, I want us to call it a manuscript because at this point, it has kind of matriculated.

It's coming out in 2026. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The code, cracking the code, how to close more ass for less money. Harry apparently got, got some notes from it cause he's playing it just like I wrote it. I don't think so. Yes. You think?

Oh yes. Brianna is a hot girl. She's commodity. Like every guy thinks she's hot. Everyone's hitting on her. How do you get her interested in you? Yeah. You show her a little interest. You be interesting and then you. Well, dear, this is what you do. You treat them like dirt. They stick like mud, dear? Yeah, it's dear. Yes, sir Right. Right. Yes. Mm-hmm. Think of a tea you couldn't get him into the bedroom without the PCs It's really disgusting with what you code breakers think like All right next anyway Harry I can't tell if he's doing this intentionally or is is he completely unaware that he's doing this to her? I think he's completely unaware. Wow. Yeah, dummy

Okay, so we're gonna lose that beautiful girl. You're gonna lose that beautiful big red that stick of chewing gum Next day next morning. We in and Adair are having a lovely little morning She's wearing shoes and he thinks that's funny. He might be, uh, he might be clinically stupid. I'll tell you why. Because he has quite the cadet about his hands. Sure. He has two girls fighting for his heart. Yeah. The problem is he's in love with the dare. Right. Yeah. I love the boats and sea rats. They'd fall in love with a railing if they could fuck it.

Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty cool. So Wee-In is called up by Laura and this is where I really feel bad for a dare because she evidently is not acting in accordance to the way that the boat is supposed to be run and Wee-In's got a little bit of a conundrum here because he's got to crack the whip on somebody that he's head over heels in love with. And I don't know how he's going to do that.

Yeah. Well, he doesn't do it well because, uh, Jason, I think just tells the two heads of department, they're like, uh, you guys fucking figure it out. And this commences into a tug of war essentially over a dare. Oh yeah. Over the walkies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we'll see. This whole, you know, thing's gonna blow, right? It's like, I don't know, hungry or whatever fucking

we fought over or something, I don't know. Hungry. Yeah, I don't know. You remember, you know the powder, you know powder keg? They talk about, you know, when you're studying World War, so whatever it was, they're like, this is a powder keg and all it needed to be, you know, what, where was that? Me neither.

So drop off day and we got a little bunk bed swapping. Now I thought in this moment, in this magic moment, Big Red and Harry were gonna shack up. Unfortunately not though. The new girl is going to be staying with Big Red and I think Johnny, who cares? Marina and Adair. Adair continues to get shafted

and I just feel really, really bad for her because Marina has made up this little fib and Adair's getting crushed by it. I stan Adair, I'm a big Adair stan. Yeah. You know what I was thinking the other day, just to go off topic for the 75th time, what does Grease is the word mean?

You know when they say Grease is the word? What does that mean? Okay, so lyrics are not really poetry. Listen to any Stone Temple Pilots song. The guy was on drugs. Any word that just fit into the scheme of syllables was what went down on the paper. Yeah, sure. And then when he wasn't too high to read it off the paper he sang it into a microphone and became a hit song. No, do never, never, never like try and study lyrics.

Grease is the word. Stupid. I don't even think that was part of the original Broadway musical that was just added later. That guy is still fucking alive, by the way. Frankie Valli? Yeah. Well, kind of. Well, yeah. I mean, to the extent that he's walking around like a zombie, but his brain left him four years ago.

When you're splitting- That's to mention, I am a pig for Satan. Well, no, what it is is, you know when you go to the four corners, you can straddle the border of two different states. Yeah. When death wants you and you refuse to give up, it kind of sucks the air out of your skin. And then you can't really perform.

No, what death says is, OK, fine, you won't come with me. I'll let you walk around hitting walls for the next 10 years. And then make your family miserable and hate you until you die. That's the thing about death. Catty AF. Catty as fuck this guy or girl, who knows what it is. It's probably both.

Can I tell you this is kind of dark, maybe a little bit too much Patty for the audience. I want to go at like 72. My kids will be like 30 or something. Time to go. You know, I'll leave them some money and some great memories and a good example of what how a human being should exist on the planet earth. Yeah. And then I'm out. It's so funny my dad was talking and you know my dad has told me that you know when he's he feels anything coming you know. Oh out. It's so funny, my dad was talking, and my dad has told me that when he feels anything coming, he's going to go out in the mountains, get naked, get drunk, and just fall asleep in the cold and die.

He told you that. That's not what you should tell your kids, that. You just do that. Well, I mean, when he told me, I said, what a relief. And now we were talking about it a couple weeks ago. He wants to live forever. He wants to go to a VA hospital. He goes, you guys don't need to what a relief. Right. And now we were talking, we were talking about a couple weeks. He wants to live for he wants to go to a VA hospital. He goes, you know, you guys don't need to pay a bunch of just put me in the VA. I was

like, well, I thought what happened to the freezing out in the woods? That sounded so nice. What happens with your house? Yeah, it's like that. I don't get that sounds like a whole mess. I thought you're gonna get drunk in the woods and die. It's like, what the fuck? I'll talk to him about it. All right. Let's try and convince him to the back of the woods thing. We started in a really good place. It was very poetic. It was brutal, but life is brutal and death is brutal. We'll talk about it. Let's drop off the guests and get to our tip meeting. Yeah. Yeah. Um,

what is the tip? 15 grand, 1300 each. Not a good tip. So Johnny, uh, needs some luck and we dump the helmet of humiliation on him to see if that brings it. Now he got it on a technicality because he did not deserve it for that whole mess with the ski do's or whatever. He got it on a technicality on the fact that he almost killed himself on his own incompetence

floating out into the ocean weeks earlier. No, that's a no for me. Yeah, no, it's clearly weans again. almost killed himself on his own incompetence floating out into the ocean weeks earlier. Yep. No, that's a no for me. Yeah, no, it's clearly we ends again. It's clearly we ends again. Now we get to the evening. Serena. Now, hold on, hold on.

Serena and Marina. Well, we'll get there. This is amazing that someone who just came on the boat. Yeah. Gets to go out for drinks before she's done any work on the boat. This does not exist in any other occupation. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you just started. Let's your first. Let's go. I think this happens on K street and wall street all the time. They're like, Hey, fuck the work, dude. Let's go bang some people that came over and shipping could be a bonding

experience. Yeah, let's go rip a bunch of people off to a ride. Right. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I interrupted you with Zarina. What's that word? Yeah, that I mean, they're, they're late and $100 bills on fire talking about austerity, just laughing, throwing champagne all over the place. And then they go to work the next day. You know, I can't stand these fat cats.

They really bother me. All right, let's get to the night out. Let's boycott something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you know, you mock it. But on that day, I did not spend a penny. I didn't. And you can laugh.

But I think it's nice to every once in a while Just have little I Mean essentially corporate siestas right you just take a little break. It's nice. I agree I know you don't You fucking yeah, you pause you couldn't possibly The only things that you consume are the most megalodonic shit. You eat turkey made of pigeon, okay? You drink monster blue energy drinks with zero calories.

I mean, you would die if you had to go to a small business. Okay. I agree. Well said, yeah, okay. Well said. Yeah. Okay. So we get out. Zarina and Marina are wondering what they're going to do about the whole Wee-In situation. They're both going to pounce. He's going to decimbe both of them, but we'll get to that in a second.

Alicia. Yes. Not the Alicia we thought. I fucked up. I apologize. Go ahead. Let me have it. Yeah, let him have it. OK.

Total newbie. Now here's some beats on her. If you can believe it, Weehan's attracted to her. I'm shocked by that. Here's a little background on her. She likes to walk naked on the beach with overweight retired teachers, AKA nudist colony.

Did you catch that? I think that was it. No, I didn't catch that. Yeah, yeah. That's disgusting. Absolutely, because why does everyone that wants to show off their balls and boobs look hideous? Well, for free. Yeah, that's why. Yeah, that's a, yeah. Right. She claims to be green? Yeah, she's a little green in the kitchen. Oh, okay, perfect. You'll be great for doing the dishes, I guess.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that she's going to take quite a back seat. You know, we can tell that she's a little bit different than Anthony, in that when she was speaking on her love of food, she cited the color and the smell. So, that's a little odd. But we'll see what happens. We get to dinner and tonight, tonight is the night. Serena's going to go after it and she goes after it by gifting Weehan a rose and smashing his face into her tits.

Now at this moment, Weehan quote unquote knows he has a problem. Now I don't like Wee man referring to Serena like that, but he does- And Marina. And Marina. I'm kind of fine with Marina but anyways he has a dilemma and I think that he goes about it in a you suspects type twist in kind of a reasonable way now we have now he's a pig but okay so I have to question this you know we've seen this play out multiple times on multiple seasons which is some guy typically typically a boss, and doesn't have

the balls to tell a girl, you know what, I'd really like to try having sex with your coworker. Yeah. Right. Because how do you do that? Right. And then so they don't dump them and then they end up looking like pigs on television because they're trying to play both people. Yeah. Right. Him, but if you ask the Sea Rat that he's dumping what which would you prefer? I think it hurts the ego more when on television he says, I, I had a sample. And no thanks. Yeah. Yeah. I think that might hurt. Although Marina was a good sport about I actually don't want the oat bites. I don't want the oat bites. So when I would hook up with girls in the past.

I am so awkward with sample people at grocery stores. It's never anything that I want. And they just look so alone. Oh, sample people? Yeah. Yeah, how about are you referring to alcohol people that do the samples? There's alcohol people.

There's nutrition products. We've got a alcohol people. There's like nutrition products. Like we've got a new bar. It's like I never want that. Dale, just so you know, they're paid by a certain business. That's their job. I used to do, when we worked for a company together, I'd do the sample things all the time. And it did hurt my ego a little bit when people were like,

now, I didn't like the people that have to explain why it's a double. That was it. I didn't like that. I have to explain why it's a down. That was it. I didn't like that. I just prefer you just pretending not seeing. Well, and also the people who are really into it and want to know more about the product. It's like, I need you to just move on.

I want to know what's up with you. OK, we got to run because the SD cards are running out. But Johnny, taken up by a dirty dancing kind of lust, goes in for a kiss. Now, I think she very cutely shut him down and told him, she doesn't do that with people she doesn't know. And I think that this is a budding, beautiful thing. And I think that one of the reasons he may punch a cubby

is because of that. Oh, interesting. Little heart sick, violent puppy. Johnny, I actually like Johnny. I do too. This move is so ridiculous. Look, I know we've all got caught up in a moment at some point in our lives with a little alcohol in us, but this is so stupid. Yeah. It's a bold move, Cotton, and it failed. And bold moves often do. You have to be, often do. You have to be brave enough to try, right? We get back to the boat, and somebody who's not brave enough to try is Harry.

Big Red is pissed off. She wants to get a little heavy petting. Yeah, perhaps dry humping, whatever these kids are into. Get in the comments, let us know what you thought about the episode. We love you guys very much. We're doing Summer house at patreon.com Slashing another podcast network

And five stars kind words. We love you guys very much. I'm dylan. Say goodbye pat say goodbye Love