Anything Better? - Are You Sure You Didn't Smoke It?

Episode Date: August 28, 2022

Bill and Paul talk about people they didn't know died, summer school, and kids stealing booze.

What's up everybody and welcome back to the best podcast on planet earth and we are back this is the anything better podcast with your host Paul Berzy, Bill Burr and producer extraordinaire Andrew Themlis out there in his compound in Beverly Hills. And we're back, everybody. And you guys are listening to episode 67. We're still in the 60s, guys. 67. I got a little busy. It's not on Paul. It's on me. You know who wore 67 that I do not see on this list is Bill Enkaitis. Bill Enkaitis, I want to say, look him up real quick, Andrew. Bill Enkaitis wore 67, the great, late great, rest his soul, New England Patriots Center, a great dentist, and he owned a place called Doc and Nelly's with Steve Nelson. He was a successful restaurant and

bar owner too. Major League Baseball, Francisco Cordova okay that sounds like a baseball player to me and seth lugo for the mets i remember him in nfl history bob kuchenberg and justin justin david pew he uh pew was a giant uh he was a Giants guard. He actually blocked for Eli, I think, on some of Eli's runs, big runs. So Justin Pugh. Or pass protection. Oh, Jesus, I'm getting a call here. Bob Kuchenberg, NFL draft, 1969 fourth-round pick, 80 to the Philadelphia Eagles, Super Bowl champion, seven and eight for the Dolphins. That's right.

Oh, the fucking Eagles drafted him, and they let him go. Six-time Pro Bowl, Bob Kuchenberg. Who else? Great name. Stan Brass, back when you had the ethnic names, right? Stan Brock, outside tackle for the New Orleans Saints, 223 career starts. Kent Hull, sorry, center, 86-96. Gary Alderman, offensive tackle, 1960-74 for the Detroit Lions.

I don't know a lot of these guys. Louis Sharp for the St. Louis Cardinals. Three-time Pro Bowl from 82 to 94. There you go. Well, let's be honest, Bill. We are – I just can't wait to get to the 80s. I mean, let's get into some – You know what, Paul? Because you don't appreciate an offensive lineman.

There's so many great offensive linemen. I don't know why they're not out. You just don't – Paul, you're a ball watcher. You watch the fucking ball um dude i just got into my hotel room i had a sandwich and i had a root beer i bought the root beer before i got on the plane and i got off the plane i don't know if it bounced around whatever dude like a fucking sketch open it up it just went everywhere all over my laptop my wallet over my cell phone you know i did all i just chuckled i just chuckled you know because i like root beer i don't mind wearing a root beer cologne this evening at my show well um speaking

of your show i have to say man congratulations on fenway because being there and, you know, I'll be honest with you. I'm running around so busy. A lot of things aren't inspiring me right now. Just getting better inspires me. But, dude, that was going to Fenway, getting there like last minute seeing you, dude. That was like I mean, now I mean, can you wait a second? It was amazing, dude. It was amazing. You fucking crushed that place. And it was one of those things that was like a surreal environment. It was really, really amazing.

And being there was amazing. So congratulations, dude. That was fucking incredible, man. And you fucking murdered. And it was like a real fucking killing. And when I knew you were really in it was when you just stopped your act and started talking about where you were sitting when you were at the game. I was like, oh, dude, these people are going to get fucked up, dude. You know, because I know what that feels like when you're like, oh, I'm in.

And you did it on that level. It was amazing, dude. So congratulations. So, dude, I'm going to set this up, Bill. Congratulations. So, dude, I'm going to set this up. Bill, scrolling through the phone in bed as you do, having a, you know, just trying to fucking nap because Lord knows. You're losing time, Paul.

Yeah, Stacey woke me up catastrophe style. The cat puked. And I'm in like this. I'm like this. The cat puked. And then I hear the footsteps coming down the hallway. And I already heard it. And the door opens. And it's 8 in the morning. The cat threw up.

And I go, all right. Yeah, something could be. Didn't you want to be like, so why don't you clean it up? Like, why are you acting like that's something you can't? It's too heavy to lift? Yeah. And I've been tired ever fucking since. But this clip, which I came across, made me cry.

I thought about doing it on AB. And Bill, watching it the whole way through is the best. So I hope you think it's as funny as I did. Andrew, can we play this? Oh no. Yo, Andrew, can you make it just a little bigger? It's only 25 seconds, but concentrate on all three of them the whole time. Oh no. All right, Andrew, hit it. Hit it.

Oh, come on. Get up. Get up. Get up. No. Dude. Dude, he gets down on his knees and she has to take a picture. Well, I'm very happy for those two people i hope she can get hurt on this last one

that was a tough one that looks like after you get knocked out in a fight and on a pride you get up because you're the champ dude the second fall is the just threw did me in dude look the just threw did me in dude look at that he's kneeling down oh dude that i mean at what point at what point do you have a salad when you're basically your belly is basically beating your ass around the room it looks like she's getting beat up by an invisible abusive husband no that looked like like when Tyson would hit somebody hard and the guy would try getting up too early and then go to the ropes. Oh, dude, he got on a knee. Dude, they literally were like, take the picture when he goes on a knee.

You're going to be part of our moment. Dude, somebody should have ran in and stood her over going like this. Like, ring the bell. Ring the bell. It's over. It's over. Oh, shit. That's it.

Oh, dude, the second fall. I hope those two people have a fun time together, I think. I think big people have a good time, Paul. Why is the second fall always funnier than the first? The second, because you can't gather yourself. Because now you're just adding to the embarrassment. It's like when whoever, what the fuck's our president's name? Joe Biden.

Joe Biden goes up the fucking stairs, and he falls the first time, and then he tries to play it off and he starts running. And you're not supposed to laugh at an old senile guy falling up a flight of stairs when he's that close to the red phone. But, Paul, it's hilarious. Oh, dude. By the way, did you hear Jamie Foxx's impression of Donald Trump? Dude, I shared it. It was fucking.

That guy's got to be. He's the most talented fucking dude that's probably since Eddie Murphy maybe that's what I do that sounded fake it was so good I couldn't believe it I love when he leaned back they tried to give me the virus excuse me excuse me I love what he gives me excuse me news I love love dl double g dude that was like oh my what's your favorite album and i love even he was in character from i love all of them you see what he tried to do there because that's what he threw because you know he couldn't name one but the fact

that he's that deep in the impression that guy is just i mean you obviously know he's a genius but jesus every time you think like that's got to be the last like home run this guy's got and then it's just another guy comes out and he apps like he absolutely dude he's the kind of guy like he could get a ride to the airport and by the end he could do a dead-on impression of the guy that drove him there yeah he could like call up the guy's wife or something she wouldn't even know it wasn't him, he's – it's funny you said that because I said it's Eddie Murphy and then him I have as the most talented people of my lifetime. Of my lifetime.

I mean, yeah. I mean, then you got to go back. It's like – it's a very – that's a – it's a different list. It's a different list. Yeah. That's like James Brown brown michael jackson list then the rest of us we're in the nit well dude somebody somebody said that jackie gleason would go into comedy

nightclubs and grab a mic and literally start doing standup. And there were no cameras. There was no documentation of it and absolutely kill with nothing written and just fucking murder and like drink scotch all day, eat steaks. I mean, that wasn't any plate. And I heard it was like,

he was the Babe Ruth of comedy. Dude, that guy. Yeah. He could just go away. Yeah. I mean, obviously I never worked with them or, but you just hear the half of those guy, yeah. He could just go away. I mean, obviously, I never worked with them,

but you just hear half of those guys, man. Some of them, it was an act, though. They would act like they were half in the bag or whatever. Like, you kind of had to, I guess, be that guy's guy and show that you could hold, like, your alcohol and shit. But, man, I got to tell you, dude, like, Jamie Foxx, oh, my God. He did all that little just like hello baby baby he's doing that but then when he leaned back and he's got they tried to give me the virus like you could just literally see him at one of his rallies man

it's like uh dude his chapelle was incredible his chapelle he did chapelle when the guy ran on every one of them it's he's just the guy and the last time i saw that was it was probably eddie i'm trying to think like like anybody who do like impressions to me it's like it's like they have a musical ear obviously jamie does but eddie eddie is eddie's a musician too but like they have you gotta have like that i think it's almost like uh have – you've got to have, like, that – I think it's almost like the way you're trying to figure out what key a song is in. They do that, but with a human being. And then they figure out, like, rather than the time signatures, the rhythm, how you talk.

It's a very musical thing, I feel like, to be able to imitate people like that. Yeah, the pitch of the voice. And, like, I can do a couple people. You can do, like your Ray Romano is great. Bobby Kelly does a fucking- My Ray Romano's, I'm doing an impression of somebody else's. I'm flicking on his fucking name. I work mine off of the momentum of his.

Yeah, no, but everybody's got, I think, like Artie Lang. What's it called? Bobby Kelly does Artie Lang. What's it called? Bobby Kelly does Artie Lang. I do Jim Florentine. There's a couple people. But, dude, Frank Caliendo's John C. Reilly is fucking as good as – He's the – yeah. As good as is Madden.

It's as good as is John Madden. I'm just thinking how hard it's like Jamie's wife must be laughing. You know, she's downstairs making breakfast and he's upstairs. You just hear they tried to give me the virus. It literally sounds like Trump is in your house. I would just be laughing my ass off the whole fucking day. Oh, dude, he's he's fucking great. He's great in everything.

I love that guy, man. That guy's fucking great. Yeah. And you know why his name is Jamie, right? You know that whole backstory, right? I think because wasn't he he wanted like when people read it they didn't want to know if he was a guy or a girl no he said that he said that if from what i read women would get spots earlier he got better spots that's what he had the time so he said he didn't want people so he put his name as jamie so they didn't know something like that he wanted them to think he was a female or something like that women got better spots

when he started out in the 80s i i think he said time wise or maybe i'm confusing that with all these female comics complaining about yeah i he said yeah something like that probably no it's definitely that's right paul yeah i could be confusing the danger field when he named himself rodney Dangerfield. There was something with that. Andrew, I had heard that story, too. And that actually, a couple articles are pointing up saying. He definitely wanted it to sound like they didn't know if it was a woman or not.

And that's why it was Jamie. That part of the story is true. All right, that part's true. And Fox was an homage to him. People, we don't really check facts on this podcast. We just start talking. You know why that was? We can't agree on that.

That guy is one of the most talented. Imagine if him and Eddie made a movie. Oh, my God, dude. He was great on In Living Color. Dude, Jamie Foxx on In Living Color. Yeah. Dude, he was. Eddie and Martin made one.

There's been some that's just i just can't imagine you know what's funny is bernie mack was also in that movie that movie life um yeah yeah which is a great movie but i heard that movie i don't know if it's true because you always see these rumors i heard that that was a more serious movie when they first wrote it, which I wish that they let both of them do because they would have killed both. And then they could have made it, like, funny, too. I don't know. You know those stupid, like, movie blog sites? And they go, you know, I heard.

I heard that actually, you know, James Lipton was going to play the lead. Dude, it's so funny you said James Lipton, because when he had Eddie Murphy, I mean, when he had Martin Lawrence on Inside the Actor's Studio and then he actually showed Eddie what Martin said on the show when Eddie was on the show. But Martin goes, dude, he goes, I was just on set staring at him. And Martin actually did his face where he would just be like, like he was like on set. He was just staring. I mean, how do you not? And James Lipton showed it to Eddie.

And, you know, Eddie just did that smile, humble, that laugh. That's just like so, you know, and he's just like, oh, that was great. But, dude, how about the talent on Harlem Nights? Wait, wait. Can we just talk about something? I don't know what's going on with me lately but there's a bunch of people that like i was was not i can't say new or fall but like i was aware of them and they died like years ago and i had no idea like when the did james lipton die

Lipton died? I only found out like a year ago. Somebody told me that he died. I used to fucking love. Like, dude, he could literally have a guy on that show. Two years ago. Oh, it was only two years ago. All right.

Well, he was like dead for like a year and I didn't know. The fucking the Stern, the guy from fucking the NBA, the commissioner, David Stern. Oh, David Stern, yeah. I didn't know he was dead. Yeah. All right.

Better help, everybody. Now a word from our sponsor, Better Help. Discuss ways you take care of your mind or share if that's something or share if that's something you haven't thought that much about. Paul, how do I take care of my mind? You know, what do I do? I call a friend when I'm smoking a cigar. Let him take some of my burden. You know, I look at the birds flying around the backyard. I stare at my toes while I'm driving.

Yeah, that's a guy's therapist, his friend in the middle of the night. Listen, how well would you take care of your car if you had to keep the same one your entire life? That's how our brain works. So why don't you treat them that way? Jesus, getting reprimanded here. How we care for our mind affects how we experience life. So it's important to invest time and care into them, into keeping them healthy. There are plenty of ways to support a healthy brain, like learning a new language and taking power naps. There's also BetterHelp online therapy. BetterHelp is online therapy that offers video, phone, even live chat, Paul.

Live chat only therapy sessions. So you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to. It's much more affordable than in-person therapy. You can be matched with a therapist in under 48 hours. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com slash anything better. Paul, that's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P. I like how they didn't have to spell better. Like, you get that right, but help, you're going to mess up?

I'm going to spell the whole thing, B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P.com slash anything better. I mean, I deliberately don't watch the news anymore because all they do is freak you out. Dude, you know they play the fucking news at my gym? They have CNN. I mean, they both suck. So CNN's on, and all they're showing is California on fire. At one point, they were playing audio of children screaming for help during a school shooting.

I'm like, what the fuck? Why do I need to hear that? I can't stop that from happening. No one's going to do anything about it. It's all the fucking money. So all you're going to do is have me hear that fucking horror. And it's like, I'm already horrified. And then I'm sitting there. All right, one more set.

Yeah, yeah, you're on the elliptical. And little kids are, I never knew why they put like the news on. But I go to a gym. And then they come at us for fucking jokes. And those assholes, they're making money off of kids screaming. Their last fucking scream. Absolute terror is the end of their fucking life. And they actually make money off of that shit.

And then they'll fucking turn around and give you shit about whatever joke, you know, or some movie that's come. What is this going to do for the fabric of America? And all of that. Fuck all of those guys. Yeah, no. Fuck that, dude. I like just keep sports on, dude. Sports Center, ESPN, the fucking.

I don't even do that. I just watch the game. We were sitting. I'm in Buffalo right now we just got some wings because that's what you do i love buffalo man yeah underrated kind of feeling like uh the the person driving us that like anchor bar and duffies you know are kind of like the genos and pats like you know you don't go there because there's always a bunch of jerk offs like me coming in town not saying the wings are bad because you and you and i ate at the one outside of town and then we went in town to do the other one and for the

one second times in history they were out of wings i remember wings were delicious but this one was like no don't go there go go to this go to this spot up the street so we went up there wings were delicious onion rings dude the dining rings look like fucking glazed donuts they were ridiculous right so we're sitting there having this wonderful Buffalo heart attack lunch, right? And I'm looking up on ESPN, and they're showing that. Who's that defensive tackle for the Rams? Oh, Aaron Donald. Yeah.

He's an animal. Yeah, they're having some practice scrimmage with the Bengals, and a fight breaks out he ends up with two bengals helmets in his hands and he's swinging these things right i'm like a laddie it was awesome and then they're sitting there going should he get suspended and what i wanted to say was like should you be filming this this used to happen all the time fights and practice and all of that they're men let him let him figure out them see shouldn't be suspended we shouldn't be watching it and then all of that soap opera like I just read everything

was just like none of this is a concern like they were like the uh uh what's his face for the the coach of the uh the Steelers hasn't picked the number one quarterback yet for week one it's like well it's not week one yet yeah I mean know, he's got two really good options. Yeah. He's been doing it for a while. I don't think he's going to forget. No, and he knows who it is. Yeah, so I feel like they're just gaslighting me to get all excited

about nothing while I'm waiting for the next game to start. And I don't need it. I'm telling you, Paul, I have this down. I watch a few games and then I tape a bunch of games and then I can watch football every night of the week. Plus you have Monday night and Thursday night. So you tape a bunch of games and then just on the – you got college on Saturday and then you got Sunday.

You got three games on Sunday you can watch while you tape like three or four others. You got Monday night football. So now you tape three others. You got Tuesday, Wednesday. Thursday they give you a game. You got one Friday, and then Saturday is your college football. Oh, you get me excited. It's football every day of the week.

Oh, and I'll do. And my schedule is clear. I got the Fenway gig behind me, Paul. I'm wrapping this thing week. My schedule is clear. I got the Fenway gig behind me, Paul. I'm wrapping this thing up. The movie's almost done. And old Billy's putting his two fucking pasty freckled feet up. And I'm playing with my kids. I'm taking my wife out to dinner.

And when I'm not doing that, I'm watching football. That's it. I'm not reading one book, Paul. I'm not reading one book, Paul. I will not read one book for the rest of the year. And I'm proud of that. I propose. Congratulations on Fenway. It was incredible. It was inspiring.

It was, you fucking level. It was amazing, dude. Congratulations. And it's back there, Paul. All of that stress is back there. Rear view. Rear view mirror. I did a gig last night in Redding, Pennsylvania.

I want to give a shout out to everybody. What a bunch of great people there was there. And it's one of these great American towns that's going through a tough time. And you can just see it. It's a beautiful place that needs people to help out. But what they need to do is not just go redo it and push out everybody that's there and send them out into the bushes or whatever.

They should fucking help the people there. That's their goddamn town, but it's a classic one of those towns that eventually somebody's going to come in and develop something, and they're just going to sweep all those people under the rug, and obviously the people that came out to my show are awesome,

but when I walked around town, I saw a lot of people fucking struggling. I don't know. There's got to be a way for regular people to help out regular people because I'm telling you, waiting around for politicians, they can't do it. They can't do it, and they don't make any money, so then they've got to make a deal with the devil, all those lobbyists that pay him all the money i don't know it bothered me yeah those little towns dude those little towns

are the best man but seeing them like decimated and dilapidated like that it's it's rough yeah a lot of people with like you know meth teeth and like that you just want to be but they were like it was 10 in the morning. So it was the people that cleaned up but still had their teeth fucked up. I wanted to be a few of them like, hey, you know, I'm doing all right. You know, I'll help you get your teeth fixed because where the fuck are you going to get a job with teeth like that? Got to get your teeth fixed, get your teeth fixed and get you up and running. And instead of people, I don't know what.

And then I come home, right? And I fucking put on Netflix. I've been watching this real estate show that's in French. You know, just seeing, you know, just picking up stuff or whatever. So, I don't know. Because I watched that, they had one that said real estate in the OC. Right? Orange County real estate. So, I don't know much about Orange County as far as the real estate,

and they're always showing the Hollywood Hills. So I was like, I'll click on this. Let me see the fucking whatever, the real estate down there. Dude, the pressure to look good as a real estate agent, I think at this point is worse than if you're trying to star in a movie. I mean, every one of them, dude. Perfect hair. Dude, this chick, dude, when I tell you three-quarters of her tits were out. She had these giant tits, and she looked like she was coming to the stage.

She was selling a house, Paul. Like, if I was looking at a house, it's like, I can't focus. You have, like, perfect. They were, like, between C and Ds. They were like between C and D's. They were like the heartland. She looked like she could feed America. And dude, this cut was like down like this. And I'm telling you, just to the inside of the fucking areola.

And then down all the way to here. Jesus. Jesus is right. And she's coming in. Hi. Someone sewed to show you the fucking house. Can you imagine looking at that house with your wife? And it's so fucking inappropriate.

She's not going to see the house because she's going to be staring at you. And you're not going to see the house because you're going to staring at the floor, trying not to look at her tits. That reminds me of that Corey Holcomb joke. He goes, when you want to look what you got to see, cause that's just disrespectful. Oh, you know what? I used to do a bit.

I would say to my, I used to say to Nia, like, you know what? You would look great in a dress like that. And I would just point right at her. You really think so? Yeah.

Look, look at the curves and how it dude you know how i love you know how i love like amenities and nice shit that's why i could never be a real estate broker because i'd be like are you fucking nuts there's a hot tub look at this fucking thing i would be like way over excited about the dope shit that the house had but there's a fucking basketball court are you nuts well you'd be better than them because they literally they went into the upstairs master bedroom and it had a round bed. They're just trying to do anything to make it look interesting. And above it was they had like a round ceiling above it, like this part of thing.

And the ceiling like like opened up like this. Just kind of went around like that so you could look at the stars. And then there was a remote control for the bed so you could turn. Oh, Jesus. Like who needs that, right? So she's like the real estate, they're showing the real estate agent, the one with their tits hanging out, the fucking, the ceiling, right? Because she has to sell this house.

So she's looking at it and she's like, what? The ceiling opens up? And the guy goes, yeah. So he starts opening it up, and then her comment was like, oh, my God, you guys. The ceiling is literally opening up. Yeah, like, yeah, that's ridiculous. It's like a little kid would do that. Oh, my God.

And she just said, they were their fucking tits hanging out. Who's going to tell her anything else? else it's like that was a great comment you really added to the uh oh my god there's a bed you could sleep on it dude i slept in a round bed it was fucking horrible it was horrible my legs were over the side it was was a fucking nightmare. I feel like little people should have a round bed. A round bed. You can't really roll and like do anything. You can't. It's fucking horrible.

And if one person moves, you're worried about falling off the bed. Dude, I got one. I got a funny one for you. When me and Stacey first started dating early 20s, we're dumb and naive. And Stacey goes, hey, the Poconos has like a nice weekend thing. They're like, you know, so we go there, the stupid heart shaped hot tub, which is so fucking gross. And then you go to eat. And when you eat, you're at a fucking table with strangers. So you go get food. It's almost like, it's like worse than a fucking cruise ship. Cause

you just sit down and like, everybody's at this thing. It's almost like you're at a wedding and dude, there was a guy tattooed up with this girl. I'll never forget this, dude. You got to ask Stacy about this because we were mortified. And we were in our early 20s. And he's sitting down next to this fucking girl. She was like a kindergarten teacher, a dummy. And he goes, I don't know.

Don't ask me. Ask her. She's the one with the associate's degree. And he was serious. He was serious. and then they're talking he goes watch out what do you want to smack dude he said dude he said bill he said during dinner he goes and she was kind of just obviously aloof and out of it she just go he goes hey what do you come on what do you want to smack dude and he was kind of like serious and stacy and

i are just like dude i'm never coming back here the bed was uncomfortable that stupid hot tub we tried turning it on and we realized how gross it was how many fucking like people were in that fucking i just pictured that skinny chick from boogie nights od and with the bloody nose just sitting in the tub then you got to make the decision do i call the cops and go to jail and save her life, or do I run out? That's a big law that they should change. Like if somebody ODs and dies when you're there, you go to jail. I forget, I don't know what the fucking law is, typical me. But it's something like that.

People run out on you rather than calling so the person lives. I think that's going to change. I think as they make, you know, I guess more drugs are legal. They are staying on the happy side of drugs, sort of. I did see my first weed sign that said, don't fucking smoke weed or eat gummies and drive. And I was thinking like, you know, those things are sort of long overdue. They still don't have like a breathalyzer or anything like that for those things. Like you could be you could fucking have 100 milligrams in you and they pull you over. Like, is there any. Well, you know, something. Andrew, can you look that up?

I don't even know if that's true. I just haven't heard of it. And I would think that somebody I knew would have gotten busted for gummy and driving whatever the fuck they call it edible and driving dude i could drive i know this is going to sound ignorant i could drive on booze way more than i can on an edo dude if i was on an edible i couldn't drive man uh you know on booze i'm like i mean if i you know when i was stupid and i would have two beers and be like i'm good it's been an hour and i was like so scared and going like, I'm good. It's been an hour. And I was like, so scared and going like 30 and fucking 10 and two and nervous, dude. If I'm on edibles. My favorite part of that story is you said two beers. I'm not your parents, Paul. You don't have to lie to me. When I had a six in me

and about four shots, I'm fine. I think you're just used to it. Because that's what, dude, when I was growing up, man, we did that. We used to drive drunk fucking at least two to three times a week, if not four. No, dude, I like hallucinate. I almost hallucinated on a strong gum. I almost hallucinated. I couldn't hold a thought. I got up to piss, and three seconds later, I forgot why I got up.

And I didn't even know I needed to piss, dude seconds later i forgot why i got up and i i didn't even know i needed to piss dude it was fucked up yeah no you saw me when i was down in georgia when i thought i thought i was taking 10 or 15 and i think i took 50 dude for two hours you sat there like this you sat there like this for like two hours and you know what but for an hour and 59 minutes i just wanted to get out of the chair and go upstairs and go to bed but i couldn't figure out how to get out and i also didn't want to open my because you know there's that thing where like you think you're fooling people for a minute you're like i'm just not gonna talk man i'm like nobody's gonna know i'm like

fucked up man and then i started listening to you guys talking. And there was something, I was listening to the rhythm of how you guys were talking. And I was thinking like, you know, in terms of like voicing it on a drum kit. And Bartnik started talking and it was all floor tom and like bass drum. Like, and then it went like, yeah, let me tell you that. And he'd be like up on the cymbals. And I just was picturing somebody playing a drum kit to him talking, an audio of him talking. And I started fucking laughing.

Oh, you were crying, dude. I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop, dude. Like, I have to watch out with that shit. I got to be honest with you, dude. I'm not a big fucking weed guy. I am a dry drunk. Like booze was my shit.

I still miss it. I don't fuck with it. But like, you know, occasionally, you know, I'll smoke a joint with my wife or something like that. But I'm just not like, I don't feel good in the morning after I do it and all that shit. I'm not judging anybody. If you want to do it, go ahead and do it. I wouldn't fucking drive a car. No.

No test. There's no reliable test because of the way they scrape your tongue. And the most prominent test that they have now shows one out of ten are false positives. So it's very unreliable. Yeah. So, I mean, no one's going to waste their time taking somebody to court when 10% of them are off. Everyone's going to be claiming

that they're part of that 10%. You know what, though? It's also how people handle it different. I had a friend who could smoke blunts all day, drive, take tests in high school, be completely fine. And then I had friends and people like myself who would smoke and have to be on a couch with people that you loved and i know but that other guy isn't

fine that guy has a problem there's nothing wrong with smoking a blunt now you shouldn't be if you're smoking a blunt before you take a test dude you have some sort of you're addicted to it unless you're trying to not do well well it's it's the same as a guy that could drink a 12 pack and like kind of dude i know a guy that could drink it's called a functioning alcoholic neither one of those no it's good yeah if you look at it like having a dessert and you know and you're sitting down and you're eating like four slices of cake or the whole fucking cake that you'd say you have a problem so you know going out and having a glass of wine or something like that is like a good thing. Or I'm a big believer in going out and like planning to get fucked up.

You're planning to get fucked up. So you're in a place where you can get fucked up. Like, you know, I mean, now that I have kids, I just don't have that option. But like back in the day, you know, before the kids came along if i was gonna do you know we didn't even do edibles even like geez edibles is like the last few because like who had edibles before these goddamn stores you gotta know somebody that was gonna know how nobody knew how to do that half the people couldn't even roll a good joint right now they're just all over the place but like i i kind of feel like uh you know if it's the right sort of situation do my shit's mushrooms once every fucking year year and a half if i go on a vacation with my

wife and i'm out in the desert i just sort of check in with myself and then afterward i'm clear headed i don't feel like fucked up and the biggest thing is i don't feel like i want to do them again it's not like booze yeah where you're like oh yeah you know i got that core you have mcdonald's and then the next day you're like oh why don't i eat that mcdonald's and then like two hours later like yeah let's get an egg muffin. Yeah, dude. That's why cocaine, that's why cocaine, dude. It's, it's, I mean, it's the goat, dude. It's, it's incredible. It's like, it's just an instant good mood. It's like, I'm so glad that I knew how good it was to stop. I knew how good it was to not. How long did you fuck with it for? you know handful of times in my 20s

and then you know like maybe one other time after that and then i oh you told me that your buddies be like let's go do it again this weekend you're like my buddy that i hung out with all the time we did it on new year's eve once a little bit i always did drugs scared god if my kids ever listen to this don't do i always did drugs scared i always did it like when guys would take a lot i was like let me feel i was always scared of drugs but dude that's in like an instant good mood and then when you come down from it it sucks so you're like ah let's but dude it's like it's it's like you know when you're on your second beer and you're with everybody that you love and you're having the greatest time it's like that instantly it's fucking nuts and that's

why i get it i get it yeah but then when it comes down you're like oh god life is hard but i'll tell you our sponsor diet smoke our sponsor diet smoke dude it's an amazing gummy because it just makes you feel like you're fucking had a glass of wine and you're chilling and and i can do that shit it doesn't have the high hgh but you know what's funny is a buddy of mine in high school we went out to smoke hgh hgh what is it thc thc yeah what's hgh that's that shit that makes you yoked in your 50s so you can hang out with your 25-year-old girlfriend. Oh, that's HGH is what the fucking, all the baseball players. It was low hormone.

So we're smoking a joint at high school, and a teacher comes out, like a teacher or a sister goes, hey, stop right there, dude. And it was like, dude, you get kicked out of like, my mother, I mean, it would have been. And my buddy just throws it down on the ground. And it was like this much of a roach, and he throws it down and we go no we're not doing nothing we're not doing nothing right go come with me and dude marches us to the main like you know there's an assistant principal marches us to the fucking dude and we're sitting there and they took us separately and they go so what'd you do you guys are outside doing drugs smoking marijuana and i go no no no and he goes

well here's what's going to happen we're going to do actually a blood test and a urine test right now. And we're going to find out if you were, or you could just tell us now, I didn't know that he didn't have the capability of doing that. It was a, it was a scare thing. I didn't know, but I had to, I had to go, I had to say, I go, no, I'm not doing nothing, you know? And then as he kept talking, I started to realize, I go, ah, they can't. Cause he saying, like, we could test you. You know, we can test you. We don't want to. And then I started to realize. And I'm like, dude, I didn't do anything. And the roach was down. My buddy smoked it more. I was like, like I said, you're making rock in the Pope, the Pope of Greenwich Village because of a tape I took off a dead cop.

How great would it have been if I go, you got no test? how great would it have been if I go, you got no test. Fucking 11th grade. If the adult you could go back into that and be like, you could just be sitting there. Oh yeah, why don't you go get that test, buddy? How dumb do you think I am? You don't have any legal.

You're just working right now. Listen, you want to go home. I don't know how much traffic you sit in. All right? I already missed the bus. Okay? It's over. Maybe you'll catch me next time.

You're not catching me this time. Yeah, you're going to take blood and urine from a high school student during school hours? Oh, yeah? What is it, a hospital? Why don't you go in the back and go get your little test? Show me where your test is. No, dude. I did dumb shit. By the way, everybody knows you only have three suits.

You're not fooling everybody with the new shirt and tie every day. You went blue today, huh? You went blue? You went blue Monday. You used to wear that on Tuesday. No, dude, me and my buddy, we'd go in the parking lot and slug a Molson Ice and then go into English class. Like, so dumb. Like, thinking it was like like let's go slug a beer and go it's like just so fucked dude

if my son or daughter did any of the shit i did i would be fucking so livid and devastated how dumb i was you want to break into cars tonight i got one for you idiot i don't know if i told this one on the podcast before when the celtics won the championship in 1986 um speaking of cocaine and a week later it was like we drafted len bias uh rest his soul then a week later he was dead that's why i never fucked with cocaine because the story was he did it one time right so anyway the celtics win it june 10th 1986 my 18th birthday i was gonna say your birthday yeah yeah was the championship parade so i drove a bunch of people in town the back of my truck we're fucking hammered and i realized i realized that i have a test the next day or something I had to go back to the high school

to get a book oh I came back dude red as a lobster from fucking being sunburned and sunburned and I'm fucking hammered and it's between classes and I walk up the stairs I remember we had building a b and c I'm in building b I walk upstairs to the second floor. Maybe I'm still on the first floor. I just walked in there and I turned the corner and the vice principal is walking down the hall and I am in between classes

without a pass and I'm shit-faced and I'm absent that day. So he's walking towards me and I'm like i i mean i was just like i just all right just play it cool or you're gonna get expelled and he literally just walked by and i just said hello mr so-and-so and he's like hello son like i didn't get in trouble enough that he didn't fucking know and i walked through and I went to the doors. I was like, Oh,

you were fucking nervous. I got upstairs, but then I had to get out of the building again. And he just fucking saw me. So I had to go down these other stairs and I went down and I went over the fence and went around the building. See in the fucking woods. So I forget how the fuck I got out. No.

No, I drove. I definitely drove. I don't fucking remember. It was the stupidest fucking thing. That's so funny, dude. So dumb. Marty McFly in Back to School when he had to get the almanac back. He's like, but it's different because you didn't have to get anything,

but you just wanted to get away from them. Wow, dude. Dude, you know what? Since we're on high school stuff, you're going to love this one. At a bare minimum, that was a 10-day suspension. Oh, dude. But I think back then, I don't think they would expel. We were in 10-day suspension.

Oh, my God, my dad. Easy week. Easy week. Definitely a week. No, no God, my dad. Easy week. Easy week. Definitely a week. No, no, that's two weeks. That's two weeks. That's a 10-minute misconduct. Oof.

Game misconduct, and you go to the league. You sit down with Shanahan, and he gives you 10 school days off. You'll love this one. So I was a really bad student in science science was just never my son just found out he's in advanced math and science me and stacy morons in science and math and she'll be the first to admit that i was more of the social studies and like english i could write papers and shit right and when it came to fucking i could write papers and shit you know i was good at the writing stuff i get good at i did good at essays and i was an absolute dude you talk about earthworms and rocks

and earth science i tapped out dude i did well i i can't i can't i did good enough i did good at essays with that shit over there uh so anyway i'm a senior and they go paul you can't walk graduation if you fail science and they said you needed to and and dude i'm like i got it my mom my family like like if you fail science you're gonna have to go to summer school and finish it in summer school but if you do that you can't walk and get the diploma because you're technically not completed and he they said you need a 62 or better you need a 62 or better on the science final in order to graduate that week i swear to god this is true and uh your boy got a 65 and he goes i'll see you at graduation let me ask you this did you get ink poisoning from all the shit you wrote in

your forearm to pass dude i i actually studied and my friends went out to a nightclub and i go dude i go i'll meet you guys tomorrow i gotta stay in and study dude i gotta i gotta just study like no come out for a little bit and i just fucking read that science book and i passed and the guy said congratulations you passed dude i passed that science year with like a 66 67 average and uh and if i didn't i wouldn't have fucking walked i would i went to summer school and all my friends would have fucking and uh and yeah i remember that dude i remember my science teacher caught me cheating i had the book open in my lap and i looked up and he was looking right at me

but it was like shithead science we weren't taking physics it was called projects physics and it was just like we were like the short bus kids kind of and he was playing like audio of like world leaders talking about aids and the aids epidemic coming it was like just it really was not about physics and i think the teacher sort of took it as like a blow-off class so i'm sitting there you remember like 88 89 no this was like 86 okay i graduated 87 should have graduated 86 but i stayed back so you know those science tests remember the ips uh the black ones they had a black top and then they had the wooden and they had a place for your thing. So they would sit, so you'd sit two to a table. So during a test, they'd have you sit on

the end. They'd have you sit on the end. So I'm sitting on the end like this and I got the book open and I'm looking down and just something told me, look up. But I looked up and he's looking right at me and he just goes, quietly, he just goes, brr. He just looked at that and I closed the book. Wow. And he didn't do anything. Wow.

He didn't. No, he used to give you a chance. He used to be like, you'd be fucking around and he would just be going like, who said that? Who just said, who just said,

please, I'm not not gonna say his name mr so-and-so can you please send me down to the principal's office i i don't know where i heard somebody just said that oh he he fucked around like that oh no he was great i remember one time oh my god i remember one time this dude who used to just come to class like fucking just high out of his mind, reeking of weed. And ironically, he had the T-shirt, Ganja Burns Brains, from the anti-drug guy who came there, right? He's out of his mind, fucking high, dude.

His eyes look like roadmaps, and he's just sitting there, right? So he keeps doing this. So the teacher starts openly making fun of the fact that he does drugs. So after like two months of this shit, one day we're sitting there, and the kid comes to class stoned out of his fucking mind, and he's sitting there, and the teacher goes, all right right you know question another blah blah blah he goes well why don't you read that one he says it to the kid on

drugs and he goes uh i can't and he goes why not he goes i don't have my book he goes well why don't you have your textbook he goes i lost it and the teacher goes, oh, yeah? Are you sure you didn't smoke it? And everybody laughed. And then the kid in the seat just points at him. He goes, if you say one more thing about me and drugs, I'm going to fucking kill you. The student said that?

The student said that to the teacher? Dude, this wasn't some crazy. This was the suburbs. Nobody talked to the teacher? Dude, and I didn't, this wasn't some crazy, this was the suburbs. Nobody talked to a teacher like that. He said, I'll never forget it. He was sitting at his finger point. If you say one more thing about me and doing drugs,

I'm going to fucking kill you, right? And we were just like, it was just like, oh, God. Whoa. And then he just goes,

he looks at me, he goes, what did you say? And he didn't say anything. What then he just goes, he looks at me and goes, what did you say? And he didn't say anything. What did he say? And he just sort of played up. He goes, hey, man. He goes, I'm not even looking at you for the rest of the year. And he kind of like gave up. I don't know why.

He just for some reason like what you had to do to get sent. I never saw – you had to do with this guy to get sent down to the principal's office. He sounds awesome. That's fucking great. No. You freezing there? It's crucial because I remember when he was telling me, he was going like, what are you getting your workers permit for? I guess I want to get a job because you have the whole your whole rest of your life to work. Why would you go out there early? I was thinking like, Jesus Christ, this guy's making some sense here.

But it was like I had, you know, I had a job since I was in third grade. And then when I got to like, you know, by the time I was was like in high school I started to be taller than some of my customers so I was like all right I think I need to move on from this and there was this this period between being 14 and 16 where you had to get a worker's permit to get to get a job and I just was always making money so it felt weird to not have money but it was like a pay-per-view I don't know was such a fucking great job because um you you had money. You didn't have to fucking like my friends were always asking their parents for money. I never had to ask.

I mean, what was my overhead, Paul? You know, I wanted to buy doubles at lunch. I needed an extra 95 cents. That's what the fuck it was. It was nothing. And, you know, I would buy football cards with the rest of it. That was it. Um, I remember this one time I was in English class and we were writing essays every Friday,

we'd write an essay and you'd have to go up and you'd have to get either highlighters or, or, I mean, a whiteout from the desk. And this one girl had the whiteout on her desk. So I get the whiteout and I have it and dude, I just, I unscrew the whiteout and i have it and dude i just i unscrew the white out and i just lean in i just smelled it a little bit right and i look around dude my best friend kevin is just crying laughing everyone everybody's down fucking just pens pens down right and and i just he just saw me fucking huffing on this thing and he was fucking crying he was crying laughing uh oh my god dude and uh in sixth grade this is what see my mom my mother would laugh at my shenanigans and that's why i kind of wasn't really disciplined because i think my mom kind of had some bad feelings about the divorce and i moved

a lot but dude i was in middle school and we're fucking shooting spitballs at this guy. And they're sticking against the backboard. And dude, he turns around. We have the, my mom has the fucking report. This is the teacher or some nerd in your class? No, no. The teacher, dude, his name, I mean, probably at this point, he was older than, he's probably rest his soul if he's gone. But you know, he'd be, if he was alive now, he'd be fucking a hundred years old.

We're shooting spitballs. and me and my friend Frankie, it was all Italian kids, and we're shooting spitballs, and they're sticking against the wall. You guys all got chest hair in the seventh grade. Yeah. He's fucking writing on the chalkboard, and it sticks. My friend sticks. Dude, my mom will fuck i

tell you this story when i when you see your next and he turns around he goes if anybody no more spit and dude my spitball as he talked stuck on his cheek and he's yelling at us with a fucking spitball on his cheek and he's going dude and he fucking dude he just i mean we the whole class fell out and dude went like he went like this and and mine was the one it curved dude it went like this it was like a boomerang and it just fucking stuck there and he fucking went like that and i had to write a report they were like you have to tell mr howard you how sorry you are and i wrote like i'm sorry that i made a spitball and and she was like that's even rude you don't talk about it being on his face you just say i'm sorry for my actions i was in it like a

they had like a fucking timeout room or whatever i wrote that dude my mom the way it was written my mom just was like you you did what and then she read it and she just fucking bursted out laughing my mom was kind of fucking cool but at the same time it was like she's like she tried to mother me but laughed so it's just like yeah once you laugh it's done dude because i mean how an adult lets a child do that to him you without fucking killing him you know when you're that age you think you know everything and shit and it's funny you get older you look back and you realize how cool a lot of your teachers were you know what it makes me realize bill it lets me realize which kids are 12 and 13 that are fucking cool i'm doing this bit now how i'm starting to like and not like certain my kids

friends and there's certain kids where i'm like who's coming over and i'm start i'm doing a bit on that because when they're 13 dude they're fucking they're either like Lucas just goes wow dad like why would you do that like the kid gets it then there are these kids that are like dude we found two empty cans of alcohol in our bathroom and my wife you know fucking stays just goes well Lucas all your friends we're gonna find out who did it or no one's coming out like Like two kids, I guess they got those hard seltzers that were in our thing. And we found two empty ones, like behind the garbage under the sink in a bathroom. And we break it down to five kids and they're all denying it. And, you know, and Lucas, dude, I felt so bad because Lucas was like, I heard him on the phone. Hey man, my mom just was asking me, I'm not judging anybody, but like, do you know if anybody,

and you know, and he's just trying to be the good, he's trying to do the right thing, you know, but it's like, what do you do? And then he's not going to rat out his friends. So it's like, I get it. But you know what, dude, growing up, I would have been the kid who drank it. I would have been the kid who drank it. Cause I was, you know, dude, they told my mom, they'd like to think that you'd be smart enough to take the fucking can with you. Cause you guys wouldn't have noticed. Cause you would have thought either one of the other parent drank it. Yeah. Me and my Italian friends would just fucking put water in the fucking liquor bottles to replace it you know vodka i remember kids used to do that they would get caught they would get caught but you know the kids that fucking do that shit, though, really are the kids whose parents have, like, the bar in their house

and the kids whose parents drank in front of them. Like, I think it's a really, really bad look. That's why I'm so glad I don't drink. I just think it's a really bad look to get fucked up in front of your kids or also just on a regular basis to be, you know, like I didn't, that's why I just kept picturing, just picturing my kids growing up being like, daddy loved his scotch. Dad always came home. He had two bourbons before he said a word to anybody. Like, I don't, I don't want to be that guy. No, I was, I was that guy. I dude, I had a friend go, yeah, my dad would

pack us all in the car on the holidays hammered and drive us to parties and we were all he was hammered and we and i was just like they remember like a family of five or six dude in the 70s everybody get in and your dad's just fucking red in the face hammered driving his entire fucking family yeah and all all that kid's friends thought his dad was cool and then you get older and you you have a baby and then you're like what the fuck was he thinking yeah dude like yeah no absolutely man uh dude i had a science i had a spanish teacher call me at six in the morning and go paul needs to make it to class today and like she was like exotic looking and my mom goes dude she

really is like really cares now looking back i'm like i don't know man i don't like she would call it like sick but there was nothing there because it couldn't have been a sexual thing right you're not gonna call someone that's what my mind went yeah but if it was that it'd be like stay after class my mom goes no she was like oh paul is paul's promising but he needs to show up because he could pass if he fucking doesn't skip. You know? Once again, if you could go back to your adult brain. Hey, Paul, why don't you get there a little early?

See what happens. Yeah, right? Dude, that was, yeah. Dude, my wife, I can't say this. I can't say this. I'll tell you when the. You don't need to tell me. No, no. Yeah, no, no. Not my wife. I'm saying my wife, I can't say this. I can't say this. I'll tell you when the. You don't need to tell me. No, no, yeah, no, no.

No, not my wife. I'm saying my wife, you know, you hear stories about things, but you don't want to. Hey, you never know who's listening, okay? Let's talk about football. Let's talk about football. All right. Interesting.

Interesting. I will say the most interesting division for me, talking to Barnick about this, might be the AFC West. Might be the AFC West with Tyreek Hill now leaving Kansas City. I don't know what they replaced him with or if they have such faith in their defense. I don't know. And then what's his face? I can't remember anybody's name anymore because it's a uh

i think i know we're gonna say quarterbacks the nfl went to the broncos from seattle on the bucket yeah yeah uh russell wilson but what about devon williams what about devon devon adams the best wide receiver in the nfl leaving the packers to play with the Raiders, man. That's a big fucking move, man. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Like the fucking Chiefs could easily split with everyone in their division. Justin Herbert? Justin Herbert and those guys. They're going to get them once.

I think you're right about that. I think that that division is the most competitive, dude, with the quarterbacks and everybody. I think it has the best the, the best quarterbacks. You got four killers. No, it's killers. Like,

like really decent to like killers or whatever. But here's the team that's going to, here's the team that can snipe one of them out. And I think, especially after that absolute fucking travesty, that, that example of defense, which didn't exist with the Bills and the Chiefs.

I think Josh Allen and the Bills, dude, I think they can take anybody out. I don't know. That's my team. I'm voting like if the Patriots, you know, I always root for them first. But this, first but this as far as fan bases go um i would like to see uh uh the buffalo bills even though i know their fans will be insufferable um but a lot of the patriots fans were insufferable or whatever that's insufferable fans i guess in every fan base but i just would like to see the buffalo bills if not maybe San Diego. You know, they haven't won it ever. They haven't won it since the AFL days. So I'm kind of as far as the AFC goes.

And as far as the NFC, I don't know. I don't know who's like – I'm always paying attention to the Americans, the American Football League, the American League in baseball. What's going on out there in the national football? What's going on in your division, what used to be known as the Black and Blue Division? Was that the Central? I think it was the Central. Our division is so weak. I'm hoping with some of the moves we make we could hang.

But you know what, Bill? You know the saying, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice. You know, George Bush fucked up. You can't fool me again. You're not going to fool me once shame on you fool me twice you know george bush fucked up you can't fool me again well i've said the packers for the last couple years the packers go fucking 13 and 4 they're at home at lambo i'm saying erin erin rogers needs to have a stroke in order how many fucking years do i got to get burnt with them having the fucking bye week they have the bye week and they have a healthy Aaron Rodgers and they're fucking at Lambeau and they fucking lose

so you know something you're going Stephen A Smith on me now they got the bye week the bye week yeah I'm done dude I hate to say it I love Aaron Rodgers I have put my fucking eggs and I put all my eggs in that fucking basket and they always seem to fucking not be the NFC team. So I think it'll be another NFC team. Andrew, can you show me and Bill the thing? 49ers maybe? Aaron, I mean, that's something. Aaron Rodgers asking Big Cat on,

Aaron Rodgers asked Big Cat of Barstool. He goes, let me ask you something. What do you, you know, do you just like having a mediocre franchise as a team? And then he says right to him what he says. See if you could find that. Aaron Rodgers and Big Cat. Dude, Bill, this is like, he goes right back at him. Rodgers did that thing of like, so what do you think about like just being a Bears fan?

Always just, and he goes, and then he goes back at them and says something, and it was – they kind of had fun with it, but it was just like – Whoa. You kind of always lose, you know, when you need to win. My favorite Big Cat story is when he went to – I think it was at the game we were at, the Michigan Wolverines game at the Big House against – who did we see when they played? Was it Wisconsin?

I want to say that's his team. Whoever they played was his Big Ten team, and he stormed out of that place midway through, like towards the end of the third or beginning of fourth quarter just screaming, fucking chicken shit football football that is chicken shit football like like he didn't like the play calling like i wouldn't just my picture of him storming out of the big house like that should have been captured by nfl films i love that great music underneath it i love that dude,

man. Like he was on the radio one time with me and Randy Bowman when I was on in Pittsburgh and he came on and I agreed with a lot of shit that he said, but like, he just fucking goes, dude. He just fucking says what he, and you know what I love?

He gambles big. I think those guys can't do those guys gamble big dude. Like Portnoy will be like, yeah, dude, you know, put 10. I mean, like, dude, I don't care how much money anybody has to 10 large on a football game.

Ooh, that'll get the blood flowing. Yeah. No, those guys. Yeah. Those guys, those guys took the floaties off a long time ago. You find it or no, they're in the deep water. Yeah. You find it odd or no?

They're in the deep water. Yeah. So I like to do this before the football season, and it's a week premature, but I'm going to do it to have fun. You could join if you want to join. It's a shot in the dark. It's nothing real. Try to get one of them in. I'm going to pick who I think is going to the Super Bowl before week one.

It's kind of a shot in the dark, but it's a little bit of fun. So here's what I'm going to say. Well, it wouldn't be you if you didn't do this. This is your thing. I'm going to say, I mean, doesn't it suck when you just don't have your team, even in the, you don't have your team. Because you're floating this year. Because you've been riding with Green Bay, and you're leaving.

You're in unfamiliar territory here, Paul. you're you're in unfamiliar territory here paul dude i'm gonna say justin herbert and the chargers are gonna go to the super bowl for the afc all right i like that and i'm gonna say the nfc which is really tough i don't think that team will be coming out of the east so where does that leave me now that leaves me in the nfc north i'm taking joe burrow and the cincinnati bangles to go to the super bowl again after a loss to play the chargers in the super bowl there you go everybody listen if i get one if i get one it's it's cool two is a complete fucking winning the lottery and if i get none it was fun to do it so wait so you're you're picking two teams in the afc oh shit no no that's right that's right no no i can't i can't i i said nfc

north i said afc north i ruined it joe burrow and the cincinnati bangles are going to lose to the chargers in the super bowl and then the nfc north and the afc championship game. And the AFC championship game. And the NFC North, I'm not doing the Packers, and I can't do the Vikings, although I love Dalvin Cook. It's definitely not going to – I hate to say this. It's not going to be the Browns or the Carolina Panthers. Okay? Browns and AFC, dude. Jesus, why am I thinking – oh, Baker Mayfield, he went to the Panthers.

It's not going to be the Panthers. It's not going to be, it's not going to be the Arizona Cardinals. The Cardinals are still NFC now, right? Yeah. Yep. Um, no Vikings, no Packers. How about the NFC West? San Francisco 49ers. Yeah, I'll say 49ers and Chargers. Both teams from California going to the Super Bowl. I think Joe Burrow and Justin Herbert are going to have an AFC championship game together. What do you got? I got the Bills and the Bengals in the AFC championship game.

This is just right out of the gate. I like that. And so hard to get back. So I think the Bills win that one. But for some reason, I think the Rams are going to get back. So I think the Bills win that one. But for some reason, I think the Rams are going to get back. It's going to be the Rams versus the Bills. I think everybody's going to be hyped on the 49ers. And then the Rams are just going to get by them.

And they're going to win. And then it's going to be the Bills versus the Rams, and I just think it's hard to repeat. And I think Josh Allen, even though I got to be honest with you, like that game last year against the Kansas City Chiefs was the worst defensive performance of any fucking – other than the Patriots versus the Eagles on both sides. The defense was fucked.

Everybody's like, that's the greatest playoff game I've ever seen in my life. It's like, I mean – Yeah, if you want to talk about defense yeah if you don't give a fuck about i mean that was just like stupid 13 seconds it can't happen it can't happen it happened like 15 fucking times how many times did josh allen have to win that game how many times did patrick mahomes have to come down and win the fucking game? It's like, how many times I got to get back up off the bench and put my helmet on and drive down for the go-ahead score? So I think...

I like those picks, dude. I like the Rams versus the Bills. And I'm going to go against the football universe. Ooh. I mean, it doesn't make sense, but'm gonna say the bills okay okay uh well you know what i'll i'm gonna take the chargers to win the super bowl i'm gonna take the chargers to win the super bowl over the 49ers and bill's gonna take the bill you know what andrew just write this down

just for shits and giggles we're fucking around here but it's just kind of fun because even if we get one or two it's just fun to say oh by the way i haven't looked at i don't know who moved who went where all i think i know is tyreek hill went to uh the dolphins and i know baker mayfield who i'm really rooting for um all the shit that he got you know i like that guy bill i i tell you i talked to bet mgm real quick can i say this i could say that we spoke to bet mgm right andrew uh okay yeah just uh you can say what it's gonna be just don't say no i'm not gonna no no i'm just gonna say that bet mgm was very uh aware of our season last year i can say that they were very aware of our season last year bill uh to the point where they were uh is bill frozen or oh he's frozen i was gonna say dude he oh there he is i'm back

yeah uh bet mgm what happened bet mgm was very aware of our year last year bill they were very uh i want to say aware and a little alert i alert, right? Andrew, you could kind of, they definitely made some comments and it's known throughout the BetMGM world what the Anything Better podcast did. Am I, Andrew, is that a fair statement? What we did once. What we did once. But they were also- Let's not go Toronto Blue Jays now and fucking talk a bunch of shit now.

No, you know what they said though? Our Monday night special hit like four out of like eight times. And they were like, that was the one I think that they were like, OK, yeah, we got to talk. Oh, we got a bunch of people. Oh, that's right. Let the Monday night special win some money for you. Oh, I can't wait. I think the Buffalo Bills is a great pick.

And I, you know know and i think that the justin herbert man comes in quiet kid doesn't talk shit kid's an animal kids you know what i think is so i just feel like they're gonna have so many fucking tough games playing in that division i mean that is just two four six really hard like playoff level games um i don't know that could help or hurt you i don't know that's just a lot of that's a tough schedule that's a tough schedule and uh i don't know i got one for you a little beat down i think i think the bills are gonna i think the bills are gonna walk with our division as much as i hate to say it as a Patriots fan.

I think Mac Jones is going to be markedly improved and we're going to be way more competitive than we were last year. We weren't bad last year, but we're still a year away. I feel like the Bills, barring any injury, God forbid, that they're going

to have a nice time in our division. I think you guys are going to go neck and neck with them but i got a question for you gun to your head you're a coach right now and you have any pick of the litter of any quarterback in the nfl and and he starts for you you get to pick whoever you want who is it oh. Like the organization is yours. And they say, Bill, you get any quarterback you want to run. And it's just this year, just one year. Just coming up one year this year. Tom Brady.

It's still Tom Brady. Do you have one of his best statistical years? The guy has a quarter of a century of football knowledge between the years. And who wants to win more than that guy? I mean, he is is hungry as a fucking rookie right now so and all this bullshit where the fuck is he and dot and then we where the fuck is he he's like 45 years old he's resting up yeah where is he games are fucking stupid they're fucking stupid now they should just have the people that aren't going to make

the team play and you decide that way because that's who they're going to play against anyway if one if one nfl fucking analyst one of them says i don't know tom brady i think it might be it like if anybody does that shit at 45 years of age after what he's accomplished it's he should they should be fired they should be if i don't know man he's slowing down i think this is the decline i've heard that for eight years with this fucking kid eight oh my favorite i actually saw on instagram these people were shitting on tom brady when they were calling the greatest of all time and they would they they brought every they took every single time he wanted super bowl they said how he got lucky and how he should have lost. And it was just – the list was like this long because he's won it seven times.

Like, all right, the fucking tuck rule, okay. And then, then he won a hit. And then they ignore – Asante Samuel dropped an interception. Then they ignore the fucking, you know, the both Giants games. Wes Welker, if he catches the ball. No, no, no. That should have happened. They ignore the fact that we put up 500 yards against the Eagles

and still fucking lost. I mean, you don't always win them. The guy won seven, and there's still shitheads going like, he's the luckiest quarterback of all times. That's right, buddy. Seven times lucky. He's running out of fingers. Yeah, yeah.

I love that. He's the luckiest quarterback of all time. And then this is one I had a buddy. He's a system quarterback, buddy. Seven times lucky. He's running out of fingers. Yeah, yeah. I love that. He's the luckiest quarterback of all time. And then this is one I had a buddy. He's a system quarterback, Paul. He was in the system tour. Okay, then he went to Tampa and was with another coach and everything. It's like, this guy, how many free agents is he going to get? There's always going to be an excuse with him, dude.

Yeah, while he sort of low-key coached the fucking team. Oh, dude, I fucking love. Dude, I love when he just fucking told, what's his name, Scotty Miller to go deep, and he told fucking Bruce Arians. He goes, I'm just going to throw it. Then he goes, go for it. He did that in the NFC Championship game, and it worked. It's nuts.

He's the fucking best. He's scary. So everybody who listens to the Anything Better podcast, get ready because we are going to be doing our picks. We're in a new season of the Jimmy the Greek coming up, and week one is coming up. Have fun with our Super Bowl picks. We could see at the end of the year how wrong we are or how right we are.

I think one of us, dude, we got four good teams in there. One of us should have one in there. I don't think we're going to go over four. There mean, there's a lot of shit that, I mean, I should have looked up. I should have looked up to see if they got Tom Brady, any help on his offensive line. Cause last year, I mean, that guy, all those yards that he threw, he was on his ass a lot. And I went to that Rams game when Tampa came to town and like, you know, guy was hiking the ball and it was already somebody in his fucking backfield. It was just like, he had a long day that day and it was not, was not his problem. That's a tough division, man. With, with, uh, wait,

is in the South? No, that's the West, the West, but I guess they were playing the West that year. Cause I know that they played San Francisco on the Rams. All right. That's it. Um, got to go knock out this show in Buffalo, Paul. My money says Buffalo. My heart

says Patriots. I got to thank everybody who bought tickets to London, dude. My London show is going to sell out. London's going to sell out. It looks like we're going to add another one. So I'm going to be at 21 Soho in London, October 7th. And we're like a few tickets away from adding a show. So thank you for all that.

The DC Improv, October 19th. The Philly Punchline, October 20th. I'll be at Soul Joel's Comedy Dome, September 17th. All dates are on paulverzi.com. And yeah, we're going to be, check out the Verzi Effect monday morning podcast we'll be back next week and we're getting ready for football oh new york new york yankees four in a row now everybody in new york catastrophes catastrophize that yeah okay four in a row

and the mets and blue jays were part of those that run so let's calm down everybody we're gonna win the east relax everybody i don't know man they should trade dude i actually heard somebody i know you gotta run i actually heard somebody going they should just trade everything now i actually heard somebody said this it's the third best team in baseball the third best record in baseball somebody goes we're not doing anything in the playoffs let's just sell now i've actually heard that that's the problem with sport meatheads that right there, that's the problem with that guy's life. The amount of times he was going to win the division in his life. Touche. And he just cut bait.

He just cut bait and ran. Yeah, I think you guys are going to be, you know. Just sell now is the funniest thing. Could you imagine? Like, you're going to go to the playoffs as, like, one of the number one seeds. Sell now. Because he got nervous about a losing streak dude someone was trying to tell me back in the day the yankees were thinking it's uh of this just sounded too convenient of of trading two prospects and it was it was jeter and mariano

rivera and i was like cheetah was never on that no no he never was it was like, Jeter was never on that. No, no, he never was. It was like maybe Bernie Williams. I know he always wanted to trade fucking Andy Pettit, but like, I mean, early on, look, if he didn't get suspended, maybe, but there's no, he wasn't trading Jeter. People just make shit up. Yeah, dude. I heard somebody say before this year, let's get rid of judge and get something for him. He's going to be MVP of the fucking league and probably break Roger Maris's record and do it for real. He's got 48 home runs, dude. People just don't get it, but that's why we talk about it.

There you go, everybody. This has been Anything Better. We'll be back next week. Thank you.