Anything Better? - Get That Outta You

Episode Date: February 13, 2021

Bill and Paul talk about holding in the anger, being a sucker, and being maniac.

All right, hit it, Paul. What's up, everybody, and welcome back to another episode of Anything Better. This is episode four. Guys, I'm not going to lie. I'm having a bad week. All right? I'm having a bad fucking week. Here's the thing. Guys, I'm not going to lie. I'm having a bad week. All right? I'm having a bad fucking week. Okay.

Here's the thing. First of all, before anything, I want to just, I have to shout out my friend Bill Burr. Okay? This guy is flying on all cylinders right now. No, no, no. No, let's get, you got to tell people why you just took that big exhale and put that stupid smile on your face. You were just trying to sign on for the last 20 minutes of this podcast like we literally became inverted everybody i was paul and he was me he

was losing his shit and i was sitting here singing uh smoky robinson which is it's usually the opposite i'm usually the hothead but we figured it out paul i literally just said to our great producer andrew themless andrew if we don't figure this out soon i'm gonna take my phone and throw it through a fucking window i'm gonna take this fucking throw phone and throw it through a fucking window i loved it paul and bill is over there singing the fucking motown hit take a good look at my face. What was that song that we used to always sing that the Four Tops had? What was the one we always used to sing?

No, I remember one time we were on the road, and we were talking about arguing with our wives, and when you bring up a point and they argue you back, we were going to break into that song. Just once. Can you try to hear what I'm saying to you you one more time maybe every once in a while you could take a look at yourself and realize you're not perfect dude i gotta tell you something motown is one of the most underrated i could go motown for life dude those guys I could go Motown for life, dude.

Those guys figured it out. Even the sad songs make you feel good. Tears of a Clown? Oh. Tears of a Clown. Dude, how about- That was when I was singing, yeah. I don't know why. I saw a commercial or something, and they were playing a Smokey Robinson song, and I was

like, I got to download some of this guy's shit. And then I downloaded it, and it's like every song is just it's better than you know a lot of stuff that i hear today but paul we got we got to we got to talk super bowl okay i just gotta tell you our fans want to hear what happened we both talked a bunch of shit we both made a lot of bets paul a lot of lettuce was flying around as you say bill can you turn oh can you turn turn your mic down a little bit? It's just starting to blow up a little bit slower when you lean forward. See what you did?

You had me adjust the thing. You got it stuck in front of my face. Now I look like a jackass. Me and Paul last week, we bet a lot of money on the Super Bowl. Well, you know, listen, I got to give credit where credit's due. Well, you know, listen, I got to give credit where credit's due. You, you, not only did you hit the game, not only did you hit the coin toss. You know, it's funny.

Right when the game started, I leaned in. I go, guys, guys, everybody be quiet. I got 50 on tails. I got 50 on tails. And they go, it's heads. And I go, all right, I'm down right now. Dude, I hit everything from the coin toss to the color of the Gatorade. Who bets blue when two teams have red? You.

You hit the blue shirt for the Gatorade. You hit the blue Gatorade. You hit everything. But guess what? Your buddy, Paulie, was smart. You know what I did? Even though I took L's and I take the loss and I'm humble in defeat. You know what I did, even though I took L's and I take the loss and I'm humble in defeat. You know what I did? You're blowing through your defeat.

No, no, no. You're not even going to talk about how I called that game, double Tyreek Hill, betting on Leonard, a four net to score first. He didn't, but I just knew that that's what they were going to do. And I've been telling people since November, that's how you beat that team. but I just knew that that's what they were going to do. And I've been telling people since November, that's how you beat that team. Cause I've seen a team like that. Yeah. For 40 years, Paul, all the way back to fucking Dan Fouts and air choreo. Bill, what can I say?

Stop talking and let me gloat. I mean, you deserve it. What happened every single year. I always take the underdog and I say the exact same thing. So, you know, every once in a while, I'm going to be right. You, you have been more than right. And you hit everything. I thought when that Edwards Hilaire guy was playing, I was like, oh shit.

Well, there goes my whole time of possession thing. Cause he's going to chew up the clock. When, when, when I knew the ship was sinking for the chiefs and all those things were happening, I was just going, man, Bill is on fire right now. Every once in a while. Every once in a while. Last one I really got right was Ravens 49ers. And I got the tweet to prove it.

Somebody can scroll back there past all my misogynistic shit, which is why I'll never host Good Morning America. But if you go past all of that shit, I got one. I said, put all your money on the Ravens today. Remember that? Yep. No, dude, listen, what can I say? You are, you are really good. Call it. Listen, what do you want me to type? I will hit a flare out to right field. But you know what I did, Bill? Do you know what I did? I know what you did because the next morning you go, congratulations. But just to let you know, I hit both the under yardage on, but it actually upset me. I was like, I hit everything from the coin toss to the Gatorade. And all he's going to say is, congratulations. I was expecting some Notre Dame shit. All I get is congratulations.

And you talking about your two bets that you won. You hurt me, Paul. You hurt me as a friend. I'm in therapy and I'm learning to confront people, so I have boundaries. I didn't appreciate that text. I think, well, I'm sorry. It just hurts to be wrong. No, I wish you would have spit that out.

Listen, here's the thing. You're flying on all cylinders and you beat me two weeks in a row. So the only thing I could hang my hat on was the bets that actually made me break even. And I had to say that because you were winning. But you know what? You're right. I should have just taken the L humbly. And I should have said you beat me.

And that's it. We went on a podcast. We got too much Richard Sherman in you yeah you should have taken a page from his book after talking all kinds of shit act like you weren't and then come up with a little congratulations I'm really happy for you yeah um yeah dude I mean come on coin toss gatorade I mean, come on. Coin toss, Gatorade. I mean, I was, you know, I just every once in a while, every once in a while you have a game like this and then you actually think you're good at gambling. And then next thing you know, your kids don't have any college tuition. That's what really happened.

So there you go, people. I'm like Haley's Comet with the suit. What's a Haley's Comet? Once every what? Well, that's 100 years. What comet comes by every eight years? No, dude, you're better than that, man. You hit them.

You actually say things that make sense about the game, and I go with feeling, and that's why you won the turtle bet at the Masters because you were looking at it from a logical, dry-shell standpoint, and I'm looking at it from now the turtle behind them's got more heart all right so for people who haven't watched me and versi went to the masters in 2010 we were on 15 i think there's a water hazard right in front of the bleachers and you're just sitting there we were there on uh on sunday when mickelson won right so you have to wait forever for people to

get to 15 you wait for them to play 14 holes and even as pro golfers it wait forever for people to get to 15. You wait for them to play 14 holes. And even as pro golfers, it takes forever for them to get there. So, you know, me and Paul, we had a couple of adult beverages. We're bored shitless. And they had this little turtle pond there. So we just started betting which turtles were going to go in first. And I figured out that the ones with the dry shell were probably the favorite. I don't know what you were going by.

No, I was just going like, oh, this one may pull it off. Like it was like a horse race. It was so dumb. I was like, this one's going to go around and take the outside. It was easy money, Paul. It was easy money. One of my favorite Bill Burr memories ever was the Masters. So when you go to the Masters, the beers are like

$1.75 and a pulled pork sandwich was like two bucks. You can just, I mean, they were little cups, but you go in there with like 10 bucks and you come out like a God, right? And I'm sitting on the, I'm sitting in the thing and Bill goes, oh, it's my turn. It's my turn to get drinks. And this is when we were going, going oh we were going heavy those days oh yeah bill comes out i don't even know how it was physically possible he came out with as many beers as one could possibly hold in one hand and the other hand had the food and i just looked at him and it was like being deserted on an island when you finally see the plane come i fucking it was one of the greatest feelings i ever i think i

got the first round that's what it was and you were sitting there and we were like going oh my god are we gonna be sitting here we there was a little bit of shade but we're gonna be fucking sitting here for like three hours waiting for these guys to come through and then i showed up with the beers and you would you did you did the classic for you oh oh yeah i got i got yeah i got really happy dude we were and here's i don't know if you remember we picked uh we took the sheet and we picked a a guy that was coming down in a pair and you go you take one guy i take another guy yeah and since 16 was to the left of us which was a quick 140 sub yard paryard par 3, we go, all right, dude, if your guy gets a hole-in-one, it's $100. If your guy gets a hole-in-one, it's $100.

If they make a birdie, it's $10. If they get a par, it's $5, right? And I go up $100 early, and I'm going, oh, dude, I'm going to take Billy's money today. It is. You took my turtle money back is what you did. So I hit the, I hit the a hundred bucks and then I think I might've hit like one putt. I think I was up one Oh five. He goes to get the, I go to get the drinks on my end. I hear a roar of the crowd. And next thing you know, you were up one 27 and you fucking pulled that off. It's getting annoying. I'm not going to lie. You're beating me in sports betting is getting annoying. And if you don't think I'm turning the ship around, you got,

I'm telling you, you're sadly mistaken. I'm coming. Paulie's coming back in the second half. All right. What are we betting on? I've been watching some NBA hoop. Have you been watching any hockey? No. Yeah. I watched a little bit of the Penguins Rangers. Nice. Penguins are playing the Rangers tonight. i watched a little bit of the penguin rangers and i was trying to get into it that guy i saw that guy zucker hit a nice one-timer how about that how about me using one-timer on a fucking podcast i don't know about hit a one-timer but we'll go with one-timer he hit a one-timer and he got the second i know i don't know you just said that i forget how to say it now it's usually with the

one-timer but if the guy what is it if he what is it if your guy hits it's not hits a one-timer what is it slap with the one-timer and sydney crosby came down with the one-timer fucking goes top shelf there goes the under dude i'm having a week man this is how you know i'm having a week bill called me this week and bill goes goes yeah paul i gotta yeah another one of my buddies stopping smoking cigars and i go of course he is of course he is and i go you know what how about we start taking their hobbies away and bill just goes no dude he's doing it on his own. He's fucking, he's like, why did you go there?

I just wish. No, I go, no, he stopped because he got cancer. Oh, geez. Well, I didn't know. I was sitting there going, ah, yeah, I lost another cigar, buddy. And yeah, I go, he can't smoke cigars anymore. And you just, yeah, of course he can't. Of course he can't.

Bill, what is it about us having fun that they can't handle us like no no no no paul no paul you got you got cancer you got cancer no no what i said was what i said was i go we need to start taking away their hobbies and you go no no dude dude and i'm sorry sorry i'm going through. All you people at home. It wasn't, it wasn't, uh, uh, smoking related. It was the vaginal related.

Dude. Do you think if women were getting throat cancer 20 years after blowing somebody that, you know, we wouldn't be hearing about that. Like, how was that? Not an issue.

The fact that there's still want us to go down on them it's like do you realize you could kill me i could die in 20 years doing this shit how is that like how the fuck like is there a way to like not have that happen like what how are the people getting cancer from doing that i think it has to do if they have like hpv or something. Oh, okay. You had HPV and you just did like a shot of moonshine. Your throat's all raw and it gets, I don't know how it happens. I have no idea how it happens, but it's a shocking amount of guys that I know who went downtown. 20 years later, the train came back.

I'm just having a week where I'm starting to see things. I'm just getting upset, dude. I'm getting upset. I texted Bill and I said, men need to make a comeback, dude. Dude, here's the thing. Not in a bad fucking answer. Listen, I have a daughter. I have a daughter.

Don't buy it back. They fucking say all kinds of fucked up shit about us. They don't have to have all these clarifications. Not saying all guys are bad. They make it look like every athlete out there hits his wife and is out there raping people do i tell you one i got one for you oh this has been on my mind 15 of them we have a friend you and i have a friend in the business i'm not i don't mention names that's the thing with me i don't mention names okay but we have

a friend in the business okay he? He's a known comedian. At the time, he was dating a woman who's also in the business and known. Any more details, we're going to figure out how it is, and you're not going to need to name names. So he says to me, hey, come down to the city. Why don't you come to our place? We got a place to hang out. We'd love to see you.

I said, oh, great. So what do I do? I go to, who am I? I'm fucking, I go to, that's an inside joke between me and Bill. Who am I? I, you know, I said, I'm going to go to a liquor store and I'm going to get him a nice expensive bottle of grape juice. That's what you do. When you go to somebody's house, you get a nice bottle of red, right? So I'm like, should i get a fucking barolo should i get you know i'm gonna spend at least a honey on this fucking doing that after this podcast i'm going to nobody's house to watch the game i'm going i'm getting a bottle of wine yeah you get a nice bottle of red spend at least

a little fucking eight ball you know you do it up so So I get there excited. OK, they open the door. First of all, I think it's going to be just them. There's a bunch of other people around. She comes running up. He says, oh, this is my friend, Paul. I hand a bottle of red and literally she just goes, oh, how cute. And just goes like just hands it off, hands it off like I it might as well have been. It might as well have been a pack of starbursts. It hands it off. Like I, it might as well have been, it might as well have been a pack of starbursts. It was, it was, and I'm looking, I'm going, what the fucking hundred dollars? It's a fucking hundred dollars. The fuck was that? Now I can't say anything.

So now I'm sitting, I'm going, what the fuck did I just walked around? I'm asking questions in the wine store. Give me a nice fucking Cabernet Barolo. You just fucking, it might as well have been she just threw it like it was like a fucking halloween candy didn't even look at it that said it's cute dude if i if somebody imagine if it was reversed imagine if i ask you a question are you good in those situations like i know you drove home and said all the shit that you wish you'd said right then i mean i don't wish that you did i wish you reached to just grab the back of her head, pushed her like that, grabbed the wine.

It's a fucking hundred dollars and you walked out. It's not cute. Gramps lost their lives for this. You know me. I'm not one to be, I'm not one to ever do anything in that moment, but I'll harbor it and I'll talk about it, you know, with you or with friends, but yo, that bothered me, man. Well, that's what I just

learned in therapy. I literally just learned that shit. My therapist goes, you're holding on to all this stuff and it's killing you. I go, it's killing me. She goes, it's killing you. And I was just like, well, I don't want to die. So I got some stuff off the ledger this week. And I'm feeling light, Paul. I'm listening to Smokey Robinson. Having a hell of a time. I mean, you're like. Dude, I used to just let people fuck it.

I'm not on stage. So people probably think this is weird. But it's easy when you're on stage because everybody laughs. There's no stakes. And you don't really have to make a point. You'd be like, what? Hey, go fuck yourself. And they all laugh. And you don't really have to make a point. You'd be like, what? Hey, go fuck yourself. And they all laugh and you know, you don't carry it. Right. I just, I don't know. I didn't remember what my fucking point was there. I've just was,

I've just been my whole life. I like people do shit to me and I'm thinking like, what the fuck? And I don't do anything. And then I spend the next eight years reliving that over and over and over again. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. It's cute. It it's cute i spent a hundred fucking dollars in the scene you think it's fuck you know it's fucking cute how do i take this fucking bottle of wine i smash it over your fucking head i would think shit like that like what is wrong with me i mean i didn't take it there i get it oh i would have i would have been i would have smashed it and i would have waved it like brandishing a weapon and i I swear to God, if there was some kid balloons there, and then I'm out the door.

In my fantasy. Yeah. Oh, that's fantasy. That's what I would do. And you know what? It was like, how's that? Is that cute? Is that fucking cute?

Oh, that's great. Like, you know what? This is your fault. And then I'd walk out. I love that you're feeling the anger. You know what, though? You're more zen. I've known you.

We've been friends now 15 years, you know? You've been a friend and a mentor. No, I've known you. You've been a friend, Bill. Dude, I've known you for 15 years, and I don't know any time where i was the one calling you for zen shit and now that's what it is you are you are like this like you're like i'm a turtle just slowly um i'm it's took me 30 years to undo the shit that happened to me in the first 20.

It's just, and now I finally get, I finally understand women, at least as far as how to be in a relationship and be happy. I totally get it. Dude, just once a week, all you got to do is go out and do something with them and have a good time and make sure it's something that they want to do. Don't be like, hey, you know, they got the new Jordan 17s. I was thinking of taking you to a food court, throwing a couple burgers down your throat, and then picking at myself. Don't do that.

You got to go do some girly stuff that they like to go to. And they're in a great mood. And then they're happy. Because, Paul, you know, Paul, it's all about them. If you noticed when I talked about being happy in a relationship, none of it was about me because they, Paul, they are the star of the show. Listen. They're the diva wide receiver. Listen.

Give me the damn ball. You take them out for dinner. You have a nice time. You have a glass of, a couple glasses of wine. It's a good time. It buys you two weeks. They don't give a fuck. They're coming back again.

They, you know. You got to do it every week. Oh, all right. Yeah. You know what's funny when you said you take them out to dinner, you know, when I first thought of it,

that guy from Beretta, whatever his fucking name is. Yeah. You know, the guy from Mulholland drive. No. Oh yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. He took his woman out for dinner. Got a two top and went home solo. Jesus. Jesus. He bought her a dinner before he did it. Did he definitely do it? But didn't he get acquitted or no? I don't know.

He got acquitted. He went to jail for something. Didn't she? Yeah, he, like, went up. Did he, like, get up to the bathroom and then somebody came in or something? Dude, as a woman, you don't go out with a guy with tight T-shirts and a cockatoo on his shoulder. What do you think is going to happen? He's dressed like a fucking pirate.

I mean, you think he's going to have respect for you? Don't go to bed with a prize on your head on the best songs ever no don't do it oh shit no man i'm not listening man i'm i don't i don't want the ladies listening to think i'm fucking bitter but you know what i'll tell you where it stems well the second you do a podcast with me no ladies are listening know that this is a safe space go ahead i go to get an ice coffee at my place and uh as you know as i do all the time i get an ice coffee you know little tiny bit little splash of almond milk they fucked that up today hey paul who are you hurting who are you hurting yeah just this much just much almond milk okay i don't want a fucking milkshake a little

almond milk right you know you ask for a little almond milk. They fucking dump half the thing. It's like a vanilla milkshake. It's like, I just said a little bit almond milk. So there's a woman in there. I know, I know. You're on one. I'm loving it. Yeah, no, I am. I am. I go in there and there's a woman, there's a woman already there, but I say to her, oh, ma'am, are you waiting online? And she goes, no, I didn't see anybody yet,

but I'm just here to pick up an order that I did online. I go, no problem. Lady comes out, they start talking. Then I say, yes, can I have an iced coffee? The iced coffee is right behind her. I go, can I get an iced coffee? A little bit of almond milk, please? Sure, I pay.

And then I'm waiting there. Now, normally what happens is they turn around, they take the ice. It's real quick and I'm done and I'm already paid. She just made me wait there and just was doing stuff and then talking to this woman and then another woman. And I'm still waiting there. I never waited this long to do it. And I came real close. I came real close to like just doing one of these, like, hey, did you forget me? Like that's how I was just in a bad mood. And I was just like, this is some fucking anti-man shit right now, dude. It's because of how I look. It's because of my beard, you know, it's, it's me. It's me. I mean, that's how I took it. That's how that's yeah. Yeah. And it was just like, Hey man, I just, I fucking paid, like, just turn around and put the ice in the cup and give me my coffee.

I'll be on my way. OK, I'm going to play devil's advocate here. Paul, what are you threatened by? Yeah, it's like nothing. I just want my coffee. I just want my coffee, you know, because I'm going to tell you right now, dude, if I had a fucking set of cans on me, I would have gotten the coffee. set of cans on me, I would have gotten a coffee. That's what you should have yelled. Hey, what size titties do I need to grow to get a fucking ice coffee in this joint? Dude, I was literally online. I mean, I was here before them. You're over there having a fucking clam fest 2021.

I mean, the ice is melting over here i texted you during this men need to make a comeback online online there yeah that's when i hit you that's when i hit you up and you go oh i gotta be honest with you paul it's kind of like uh it's kind of like politics it's kind a tremendous divide and there's a tremendous lack of respect on both sides. And you and I are doing nothing to bridge that divide right now. Listen, man.

And you know what? I got one more. I got one more for you. I got one more for you and then I'm letting this go. And I don't mean to dump this out on you guys, Andrew. Get it out, dude. Get it out. My wife goes to the dentist yesterday. That exhale was great.

My wife goes to the dentist yesterday and she had a little gland, swollen gland, and she thought it was a muscle. So they said, go, it could be she's doing this invisible line. Sometimes the gland, something could happen under here. She goes to the dentist and the dentist says to my wife yesterday, you need to go to the emergency room right now. This could be life threatening. Swear to God. Okay. Now I'm home expecting my wife to say what it is. My wife does not get shaken up by shit like that. If it was me, I would have drove right to the fucking insane asylum. Okay. My wife goes, my wife is like Bill with shit like that. And she's just normally fine. She calls me up a little shaken up and she goes, they're saying I need to go to the emergency room. And I don't understand. So I go call,

call our primary doctor. He's great. He's a reputable doctor in Westchester. I said, call him up. She gets an appointment and goes there and he's looking at it. And he goes, why would the dentist tell you that? He goes, not only am I not sending you to the emergency room. And he goes, and I send people to the doctor hospital quicker than most. If I'm concerned, he goes, I'm not even taking blood. He goes, just just wait. And he goes, I don't know why they would say that to you. So my wife gets home and I go, I'm calling the dentist. I'm reading the riot act. That's it. I'm calling.

There's fucking, they can't get away with it. They can't fucking get away with it. They're not getting away. Not today. Not the week I'm having. Okay. Not the week I'm having. And she goes, you can't do that.

You can't do that. You just can't. You can't go. Our kids go to the dentist there. So I had to fucking swallow that. So all this shit, starting this podcast, everything, you know, it's just a week that i'm just having a bad week everybody what you need to do is you got to get that out of you so you could call him up and just say listen i just want to let you know that you really scared the hell out of my wife yeah um you know it's like you kind of

pulled the fucking rip cord before i mean i don't know how to i don't know how to say a sentence without saying fuck but basically just don't um you can't come in there and just be you come in guns a blazing and all of that you know what it is paul you know what fucking life is life is being a fucking good person and then dealing with a bunch of fucking assholes that you can't tell them what fucking assholes they are because of some extraneous bullshit relations family money international waters whatever the fuck it is there's always some stupid reason why you can't call a cunt a cunt and then what happens is good people walk around angry as shit and then we drop of heart attacks and then people always go hey come all these nice guys always die young

and all these fucking assholes live forever because they're doing the shit yeah all right this all makes sense in my head. No, it doesn't. I'm the hero, Paul. I'm a nice guy. Doing the right thing. You are a nice guy. You're a nice guy. And you're a calmer version of yourself right now. Listen, some guys go the other way. Some guys get angrier as they get older. No, they go up the light tower, Paul. They go up the light tower. Oh, I've seen some bitter old men.

That's a fucking ugly sight. Okay, you ever see a fucking... There's not... Hating on fucking younger people, teasing them one thing. Ah, that ain't music, ha, ha, ha. But like literally like... Like just not wanting them to find the joy

that eluded you is just... That's just, that's an interesting way to live life. It's not, fortunately, how I'm wired. And you know why? Because I met a lot of old cunts when I was younger. I still remember the guy, the butcher. When I was in college and I was just majoring in like, uh, communications and I was going to get into radio. And, uh, I really, it was just really a way to get on a microphone and perform and not have people looking at me so I could get over Mike fright and become a comedian.

And I still remember that guy just sitting there slicing the meat going, I don't know. Everybody wants to be the star. Oh, wow. Yeah. It's amazing that you remember that. You remember that. Of course I remember. I couldn't remember sitting there going, so what should I do? Slice up corned beef with your bloody fucking apron?

Look at you. You look like a mass murderer right now. I could fuck up and radio for 25 years and still know how to fucking do this as a bailout. Yeah, that's a guy that just didn't do what he wanted to do in life, man. That's what that is. Dude, I can tell you right now, I would love to be a butcher in a really great butcher shop and have the best cuts of fucking meat and hooking people up and telling them, I love my butcher.

That guy was an anomaly. Butchers in general, they're all good people. I got one for you. Bill Burr, you're not a comedian. What would be your ideal civilian job? I'll tell you right now, mine, I thought about this long and hard. I might like to do that little fucking, maybe maybe a ups like a like a fed i've watched the fedex guys go mailbox and just fantasize about them listening to music and the thing take going at their own pace they probably got the sports page they pull over they eat a tuna fish sandwich with a snap lonely women what bang lonely women along your route. Get them in that little tin can sardine fucking truck of yours. Well, I definitely do. I think FedEx is like that's the white collar job of those like UPS is just like, you know, I used to work in a warehouse and they used to go through those guys like and the drivers were actually had seniority.

But those people remember when i was a kid you could make eight bucks an hour i knew a couple guys that did that like one guy was just like dude i did that one summer he goes i'd go through three t-shirts a shift and he goes dude you'd go in there and it was just every size thing possible just like a giant freezer then they'd be like a muffler and you'd have to sort of jam all this shit in the fucking trucks. They paid you eight bucks an hour and they just, they used you like an old race.

They just ran you till you're ready for the glue factory. They knew everybody was going to quit. And it was, they sold it. It was a great way to make money over the summer. Eight bucks an hour. So when you went to college in the fall, you'd have some cash, but it was just

like all of them uh i think if i could have another job yeah definitely um i wouldn't want to be a cross-country trucker but like a fedex guy yeah because if i'm gonna have a boss if i if i can just not see him would work really well for me. So I'm out there on the truck. Oh, you called? Yeah, you know, I have a sprint flip phone. So I'd have an excuse. I'd do that. I'd be a teacher, but a college-level teacher.

I think I would like to help and to do it to, like, I could I could teach that would actually teach something about life you know what I mean and teach them how to you know look out for people that you know teach them teach them how to be stronger so they don't go out there like a fucking like prey you know what I mean because Because you just attract. The lions start closing in if you're just coming. Oh, I'll help you move. That's who the fuck I was. Right through, like, the first. So I was, like, 27.

Oh, Paul, you could take me for a fucking ride. I'm going to tell you the first time I went down, the first times I came down to New York, I'm going to tell you how fucking gullible I was. No. And how much I had a need to be like and not offend people and how I didn't listen to my inner voice. Dude, this fucking, I took the train down.

Dane was living up on 68th and Amsterdam. And he came down and just fucking annihilated the city. I never saw a guy get in the New York clubs quicker than him. It was one night or one weekend. Barry Katz repped him, took him around the city. Every city, every club he went into just napalmed the place. And everybody else was grinding, grinding, grinding. He fucking destroyed.

So he's like, yeah, come on down, come on down. You know, I'll get you up. I'll get you a spot spot or whatever but i didn't have the confidence and i wasn't ready so i ate my dick and then i it took me forever right so i went down there to go see him so i i stop at the port authority and i'm walking out you know i'm on a piece of straw and a cowboy hat oh big city right and this dude right this black dude comes up to me. He goes, yo man, you need a taxi. I'm like, well, yes, yes, I do. He's like, follow me. So I start following the guy and my whole body's going like, this guy doesn't have a uniform. He does not seem connected with this facility. And he's, I'm just following this. My whole, my whole inner side is screaming. Insides are

screaming. Don't follow this guy. I follow him.'t follow this guy i follow him i follow and i follow we're going down like you know it's in between like the garden and whatever i'm going down this alley going i might get killed here i'm like well i i but i said i'd go with this guy i don't piss him i don't piss him off long story short we get to the front of the garden okay and this asian dude pulls up in a cab this is when new york was new york right yeah so the black dude leads me up the asian dude fucking pulls up in the cab and then the guy who led me the cab told me it was like 20 bucks and so i'm picking out my wallet i had all this money because i was traveling and the guy was

jumping up and the asian guy's going no no no no he's yelling and the guy takes the 20 and runs away and then i was just like i was just relieved they didn't kill me right dude i'm 27. this is how knew i was to the world so i put my my my suitcase in the in the trunk of the cab and i get in and this this asian dude like I don't know where he's from, but heavy accent. He go What's wrong with you? He go Where you from? Where you from? I'm like, Massachusetts. He's like, Are you new? Are you new to the city? I love this guy today. Because he just told me what was up. He go you know, here, you know, here. I'm like, yeah,

down here to visit a friend he goes let me tell you something somebody come up to you in this city you say get the fuck away because they keep coming you say louder i said get the fuck away and then he just kept going where you from but what i love was as much as he was yelling at me and how embarrassed i was i loved the guy because i knew it was coming from he was a good person it was coming he was trying to help me out he was basically saying dude you're gonna get killed yeah you're gonna get killed down here so dude i was so embarrassed i didn't tell Patrice, Dane, or any, I think years.

It had to be tragedy plus time. I was so, because what it was, I was literally going from my parents' house to New York City. I didn't even, I didn't have like, hey, I'm going away to college. And for four years, you know, I did this. And then I got an off-campus apartment.

I didn't I I fucking worked I put myself through college I lived at home I saved up money and I had no real world experience whatsoever um I mean I was a fucking loser dude I was 27 still living at home I mean it was sleeping in the bed that I was in the bed when I was like fucking 12, man. It was a bad scene. You know, though, there's something like in a weird way that kind of shows like the person that you are. Like good people expect good from people, dude. And they don't like to say no. And it reminded me of this thing.

My brother, my brother is a you met my brother, Christian. My brother, Christian, is the best. But he's a he's a pleaser. He to he just wants to make you know so one time we're at a restaurant and the waitress was trying to upsell him shit to put on his pasta it was like a fucking bolognese like it was something that you just don't and she just sat there and like she just upsold them. And she's like, would you like, you know, if you want, we could put some grilled chicken on it. And everybody at the table was confused. And Christian just goes like, all right. And then she, this fucking pasta bowl shows up, sliced up grilled chicken on the top.

And I just lean over, I go i go dude what the fuck did you say yes i don't know man you know she just like suggested it i was like dude you are too good of a person that is fucking hard yeah comes back looking like that one of those awful frozen pizzas the meat lovers pizza that has like peppers and like nine different kinds of animals are slaughtered on top of it but the point is my brother is the greatest such a nice person nice people want to like instinctively do that you know a piece of shit would go like the fuck am i gonna do a chick there's two types of people nice people and then people who saw toxic relationships and so that's what happened to me like if you when i grew up too i grew up

and so that's what happened to me. Like if you, when I grew up too, I grew up, grew up in an angry time, man. This isn't like, it's just everywhere I went, there was somebody yelling down at somebody and somebody taking it. That's what you see. That was seen, that was the only option. You were either the person yelling or the person getting yelled at. That's all I saw growing up, you know, at home, at school, at school when i got jobs you know when we go in town to boston there was somebody had their foot on somebody's fucking throat and the other person was going that was it that's all there was so that that's where my anger came from because it was all these big adults doing it to me and i so i i sort of got this thing in my head that like you know an adult can just be like because i said so or do it all beat the fuck out of you so you you stop thinking you have options so what yeah like dude up until like fucking

i don't know like a couple years ago if somebody suggested something that i didn't want to do the the the pilot light would start flaming up in me because i would think that i had suggested something that I didn't want to do, the pilot light would start flaming up in me because I would think that I had to do it. I didn't know that you could just be like, you know what? Yeah, I don't want to do that. I appreciate the offer. I don't want to do it. I knew how to do that, but the only way I knew how to do that was to be like, let me tell you something, you motherfucker. I'm never fucking, that's the only way I knew how to do that, but the only way I knew how to do that was to be like, let me tell you something, you motherfucker. I'm never fucking, that's the only way I knew how to do it. How long did it take you?

How long did it take you to when you could politely go, I appreciate that, but no, I'm just not interested. Like, how long did it take you to do that? This week. I did it this week, finally. I feel great. No, my therapist, it was a... Well, I am, I am, you have no idea what a mess I am.

I am a fucking recovering meathead. Okay? It's why all this shit that I've said, I mean, all of this shit. I already know what I'm going to say when my daughter watches my stand-up specials. I was going to say, you're looking watches my standup specials, I was going to say, you're looking at a man who didn't understand women who wanted to find love and just didn't know how to do it. And he just,

he grew up with a bunch of people that did not look happily married. Uh, yeah, I was a mess. So, you know, some of the shit I say is true. I'm waiting. I'm waiting for Bill to go.

I was around 35 when I really started because of this fucking yesterday. Well, you have to understand that the reason why my shoulders are fucked up a lot of the reasons, my shoulders, I got the rotator cuff issues was because of shit I was watching when I was growing up. Like I was in a defense my i didn't know my shoulders were up and kind of like that was like you know i was in that position then the thing is if you hold yourself in that position your your brain it's like your thoughts make your shoulders

do that and then the way you hold your body then feeds it it becomes this circle and you're just walking around like dude i was a mess of a human being i was a mess of a human being and like uh you know i i just you know i i've just had to slowly it'd be like if you looked at me like who i was as a person it's like walking into a hoarder's house, trying to like pick what you're going to fucking throw out first. It's like, where do I even start? Do we get a shovel? Is it a front end loader? Do we just burn the house down? Dude, if you want to know how your buddy's doing, go to their apartment and just look at how it looks dude it is it is i had a friend once dude he had laundry he had laundry that stacked up from the corner of his bedroom almost to the doorknob of his room dude he had like water bottles everywhere he he had like fast food

wrappers everywhere and i was just like dude you are mentally not I was just like, dude, you are mentally not. It was just like the guy just didn't have energy to do laundry, but it was fucking comical how many clothes were in his bedroom. Do you know the more successful I got, the more I became like a neat freak? Yes. Because I became obsessed with completing shit because I learned the secret to success is completing something. It's not, it's not even the results. It's just getting in the habit of completing. Like I'm going to write a script or, or, or, uh, you know, I'm going to drop 10 pounds. Like I just, whatever I said I was going to do, I'm gonna fucking do it. And it all of a sudden now, dude, like I can't handle laundry on the floor.

I can't have I can't handle dishes in the sink. Like my my my greatest feeling is to start the day coming downstairs to a clean kitchen. I fucking hate starting today with yesterday's bullshit because today's bullshit is going to come now. Now I'm working a double shift. I don't want to do that stuff. So, you know, that's been like a, that's been a thing between me and my wife because my wife's chill.

She's like, Bill, we'll fucking wash them tomorrow. It's not that big a deal, you know? And so I'm starting to learn that like, okay, just because I think it's a big deal. Doesn't mean it's a big deal, so but I still think it's it's a this is this is how much. Like this is in me, like we didn't have any chicken in the house and I got a little fridge in the out in the garage and I had some frozen chicken in there and it was one of the ones, Andrew, that you gave me from Butcher's Box. It was like

six chicken breasts and they were connected in three packets. It's like a fucking accordion of frozen chicken. I bring this shit in and I cut one of the packages off because I'm only going to cook up two chicken breasts and I'm like, all right, I'll stick it in the freezer here. The freezer in the kitchen

is two-pack. Now, I'll stick it in the freezer here. The freezer in the kitchen is too packed. Now I can jam it in there. Yeah. And I was like, no, fuck this. And I closed it. I put my shoes back on, walked all the way down to the garage, put it back in where it belonged, closed it. And I came back and I felt like, like, it's weird.

Like this, this is stupid as that is, if you start building that habit in you that I am going to complete shit and I'm going to finish shit, then you just apply that to your bigger, crazier things. Like I want to be a comedian or I want to have my own business or whatever. I don't know. I found that that can kind of work for me. But dude, I'm telling you right now, man, if I learn how to have boundaries and I learn how to confront people without calling them fucking cunts,

I'm going to be a sweetheart to live with. And I think I'm going to be probably the happiest married guy you're ever going to find. And I used to want to do it right up until my last special. I had a joke about that. Because if I get rid of my temper, what the fuck is she going to bitch about? And now, since I did that, which was March of 2019, I have done enough work that I'm like, no, I'm going to do that, and then we're going to be happy.

As opposed to having that East Coast, huh? And then what the fuck are you going to say? Because that was my whole thing about rooting for Tom Brady in Tampa. Good. Win one with Bruce Arians down there. Then what the fuck are they going to say? You know what? People still said shit.

He's the only. That cornerback was tweet he said a word to me that i can't repeat yeah you're enough you're trying to take somebody's head off what do you call your fucking asshole i actually i actually went as far as to say tom brady being the greatest of all time is the only sports argument that can't be disputed you can dispute jordan you can dispute emmett sm can dispute Jordan you can dispute Emmitt Smith running back you can dispute Jerry I mean Jerry Rice is a close one but you cannot dispute Tom Brady going to the Super Bowl 10 times winning at seven leaving his team that they said he could

never do it without getting a new coach they said he could never do it without going there year one and doing it dude it's the most undisputed it's the most if you watch tampa if you watch tampa earlier in this season they were a mess and uh the turning point i think was brady snapped at his offensive lines whatever game i was watching i saw that game end End of October, beginning of November. He fucking went off. I'm talking that shit where your head's like doing that shit, screaming at them. And this is the thing. If you got no rings, they're like, fuck you, old man.

He's got six rings. It's just like, all right. He's got a supermodel wife living in Derek Jeter's house. Okay. I think I'm going to listen to this guy. That was week five or six. I remember seeing that. And they nationally televised more Bucks games this year purposely, but I watched a lot of them. And I also had Mike Evans in my fantasy. So when you have that, and I had Brady. So I had Brady and Evans in my fantasy, and I was watching more. And I saw they would go up and down and and i saw him lose it um

how about gronk all that brought blocking he did for uh fournette and uh and uh ronald jones what's his face said it before the game he's saying he's one of the best uh run blocking tight ends of all time that's that's how you talk about a guy who just kept elevating his game because in the beginning, I mean, he's still a young guy, at least he is to me, when they were using him as an offensive weapon. At least nobody noticed. He didn't really have that or they didn't use him too much to do that. But you know were taking out his knees and shit and he became less of a guy you threw to he became just as good as he was catching the ball at blocking and um that that was just such like like one of those things that i love about football those like

dude how about all of the fucking the cast of characters in that game? Okay. Jason Pierre-Paul, who was there when the Giants beat the Patriots the second time. When I got nervous about the Chiefs defensive coordinator, was your guy's defensive coordinator when you beat the undefeated Patriots? And I was going like, wow, man, there's all of these, like, if you really want to nerd out on football is if you start getting into coaching trees and you really go deep, like beyond the guys that became like superstar. Like, OK, Bill Walsh was under Paul Brown. And I also think Don Correale was there. Then you had the West Coast offense was developed there and you just start looking at it.

But you're looking at superstars. But I'm talking about when you go to those guys that only other coaches know, you know what I mean? And you start seeing like the soap opera within the game is just, uh, it's just incredible. And I, you know, it's, it's, it's been something, dude. And you got me also, but another thing I wanted to talk was, uh, last last night my Celtics played Utah. And, dude, I got to tell you something, man. They said that these guys could shoot three-pointers. The game starts. Jalen Brown hits three three-pointers in a row for the Celtics.

And I'm like, oh, man, here we go. Here we go. I love Jalen Brown. Jalen Brown. Oh, you guys shoot three-pointers? Watch this. Starts the game. Dude, Utah didn't even blink. Dude, I'm telling you, like they were playing unreal and they were,

they were basically had like eight to 10 points the whole game, it seemed. And then we started closing in. And by the way, Jason Tatum and Jalen Brown are the best one-two scoring combination since Bird and McHale. And I'm telling you, when LeBron decides to retire, you know, when every douchebag in the league doesn't want to go play with them with the fucking Lakers, I think that they're going to get a shot. Well, they need to.

But, dude, Utah. Utah, dude, with like four minutes left in that game, Paul, if you can find a clip of it, everybody on the team just started hitting fucking threes. This dude was – I wrote his name, Jordan Clarkson. Is that his name? Oh, yeah, maybe, yeah. Dude, this fucking guy.

He hit one – he got hit, got fouled, fell into that bench, and he hit it. And then this other dude, Donovan Mitchell. No, Donovan Mitchell's a man donovan yeah dude he just he took the whole game over so i was looking him up and i saw that shack kind of on him saying like yeah sure he goes jack uh is this diamond he's like yes sir it is and he goes i don't think you have what it takes to get to the next level. What do you say about that? He's just like, all right, thanks. And now he's playing.

He was already playing great, and now Shaq was taking credit. And he goes like, my whole career, I've been a leader. I've been a motivator. And I'm just trying to think how that voice motivates you. Listen, I don't think I've ever been this upset before. Well, dude, I got to tell you. I'm the second half. If you guys don't get your heads out of your ass.

If you were a leader, wouldn't you have stayed in Orlando? Yeah. That's what I'm doing. I think the NBA is – the athletes are incredible, but it is such a bad product where like, it's like, I don't want to watch the football team beat up the math team. Right. I watch sports for competition and just watching like what the Lakers started

all those years ago with Kobe, Shaq, Phil Jackson, and all of that. It was like the Red Sox and Yankees in the early 2000. That was terrible for baseball. I just wish that these guys, because I've been watching a lot of the Pelicans. You know what's funny? Anytime I turn a Pelicans game on, the middle of the game, Zion Williamson is always getting his third foul, shaking his head going like, what the fuck, and having to go to the bench it's happened like three times and uh and i saw one guy

kind of like manhandle him a little bit and rip the ball out like i think they're like they're trying to show like okay man you you were a man child in college but these are the pros so it's been fun watching him have to deal with that. And that other dude with the overbearing dad there used to be the Laker, man. Alonzo Ball. Dude, his brother's crushing it. He's killing it. No, he passes first. He wants to pass first. But I'm going to tell you, the Celtics with your fucking fourth grade looking coach, they need to fucking win soon because i'm getting tired of that guy being called a genius and and only getting to a certain they need to get back what

wait wait he went to where'd he go to the finals he went to the finals right hey he he's he gets an unbelievable amount out of the guys that we have and and like that is classic new york and boston media to act like he's the fucking problem. No, no, he's not the problem. How do we know that Kyrie Irving was going to be Kyrie Irving? Everybody knows it now. Everybody knows it now. It's like you get in a relationship with a stripper.

You don't know what she's going to do. Right. You're called. We came back and he burned the sage in there like we were the problem it's like dude we embraced you we needed you we wanted you what the fuck happened but i relate to that guy how about carmelo anthony passing oscar robinson for 12th all time dude here's the thing how about carmelo anthony for still being in the league i thought he couldn't get a ride anywhere no portland he found a home at portland and he's just like he accepted his role coming off the bench but who said what you want about that guy man off the

dribble that guy can score and he can get to the hole man and score and he's got a good shot he just um he oh i think he always needed the other guy I think teams thought he was the guy because if you remember. You know when you watch Hoop and the superstar comes in and all of a sudden the ball doesn't move as good? The flow slows down. Yeah. Because it's like the divas in the game. Like you can't have that.

You can't have like that guy like that. You know like forever like the point guard who wants to be the shooting guard? You just reminded me of something when you said like when we were talking about like having a clean house because it's mentally good just imagine losing a game you come home your house is a fucking mess a guy hit like five threes on your face. You just come home and you just fucking, you're like, I, you know, it's funny. Me and Stacey have this thing where Stacey and I have a rule. If she goes away for work or I go away for work, whenever one, whenever we come home, the house is like in pristine shape. That's a great fucking rule.

It is amazing to go to the airport, deal with all the shit you dealt with with the traveling. Your car, my car's at fucking LaGuardia, JFK. I come home and I walk in and like the house is just pristine. It's fucking, it's a game changer, dude. I just pictured Carmelo Anthony just having a bad day. Fucking shit all over his house. Can a guy come home? Wait, was it?

How many threes do I gotta hit? Why don't you turn the burner up a little bit more? Get more splatter all over the stove. That drives me up the wall. It's not that you get splatter all over the place. It's that you walk away from it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I got a scrambled egg fucking crime scene here oh dude that's when i make scrambled eggs i got oh by the way i bought my wife uses a stove there should be fucking police tape around it afterwards dude you got a splatter grease shit all over the place dude my frying pan game is on another fucking level i got the real

expensive non-stick you can literally cook anything in it and take a fucking and just go like this and it's brand new again it is a fucking i gotta get that shit because i keep getting the ones that if even with the plastic spatula you go like that it starts flaking up and then i guess that's really cancerous like i don't know what you got to do what do you mean flaking up cancerous what oh boy paul if if you have like uh if your frying pan looks like it has alopecia you know what i mean like it has like patches with this with a with a non-stick came off oh yeah it's getting in your omelet on some level i guess i don't know they say who knows paul I guess. I don't know. They say, who knows, Paul, whatever. No, no.

The amount of cigars I smoke, you think I give a fuck about a frying pan? Dude, I went into this place and the guy goes, hey, man, this is for real. That's true. He goes, this is a real expensive place. You're going to pay real top dollar for the best frying pan. I go, listen, dude, I cook eggs. I don't give a fuck what it costs, okay? I'll buy everybody a fucking frying pan.

You think I give a fuck? No, dude. cook eggs i don't give a fuck what it costs okay i'll buy everybody a fucking front paint you think i give a fuck no dude those non-stick really good ones spend anybody listening to this if it's an extra hundred spend because it's actually the eggs are better it cooks the eggs better it cooks anything on it better you know what that reminded me of what you just said one of my favorite underrated scenes of all time in the wire when snoop goes into into a hardware store to buy like a chainsaw some sort of power tool because i think she's getting rid of a body and the guy's looking at her like what the fuck and she tips him more money and she's like no i don't want it she's not man you know you earned that bump. Or something like that. Just to start the episode. I have to go back.

I have to go back and watch that show. Because that show is just like, it's a fucking masterpiece. I still think that's the greatest show. You can't say of all time because there's groundbreaking stuff. I would just say of the last 30 years, I'm trying to think of a show. The Wire. Just the way that they hit that you know yeah dude i i um i'm you know people are gonna fucking think i'm nuts for this as much as i like the sopranos i was as disappointed i know this is gonna be people are gonna freak out i don't give a fuck i'm just being honest went off the air 20 years ago paul you got got it. You know what? I'm Sicilian and I'm in a tracksuit right now so they could go fuck themselves.

OK, as many episodes as I like to the Sopranos, I was that fucking disappointed in some episodes. I remember ordering meatball parm sandwiches. We ordered like five pies and I literally had like nine ten people over to watch an episode and it was about like the asbestos thing and they were like okay and i was just like you know and it was like i don't know i not that i'm don't want somebody dead every episode i know but that was a big thing i said dude somebody's got to get fucking whack because this show's getting lame i remember that yeah and uh i't know. I think what they were trying to show was how mundane their everyday lives could be, just like a normal person. And then all of a sudden, I mean, the scene where they, you know, the one where Adriana, what happens to her,

because you can't say anything 20 years later, spoiler alert, you know? The way, what happens to her character? I mean, that was just, that scene, it never left me. That scene just made me, that was one of the greatest ways of showing how cold-hearted and just crawling away like a fucking dog. The way the camera was panning to the woods and then her face. And she's kind of like all of a sudden putting it together.

And he's just looking at her. That was cold. She knew the whole time. She went on that fantasy thing. Dude, that was just fucking. But I'll tell you one that was that was she knew the whole time she went on that fantasy thing dude it was far it just fucking but i'll tell you one that was worse than that the one that still gets me to this day i know a lot of people that can't watch it is uh what do you think i'm gonna say which one casino yes the cornfield scene i've only watched that movie like i i i shut it up when it

gets to that dude when he goes he's still breathing and he's crying like he's still breathing frankie and then he's going oh dominic dump dude that was like just the way they were brother dude that was like really dude scorsese went fucking in on that one man buried him alive and shit that was fucking i love when he's sitting on the stairs and he goes, I really fucked up, Frankie. Pesci. Dude, Pesci is. We had it all. And then we fucked it up. I mean, Jesus Christ.

I mean, the amount of people you can apply that to. We're coming to the end here, Paul. This is the fastest hour of the week. Talking to Paul Verzi, the man who knows how to live. Oh, dude. You know what? This was our face-off episode. I became you and you became me.

Yeah, this one, guys, I apologize. The background will be better. My computer is still on the fritz. I'm taking it to Apple. It's part of my week. It's just a bad week. What could you do? Congratulations on your Super Bowl win.

Don't get used to it. The kid's coming back. Oh, I understand, dude. I understand. Bruins got the rangers tonight uh excited about that but playing them back to back and people sleeping on the nhl this is one of the most amazing years ever because of covid they got everybody quarantined so the canadian teams are only playing the canadian teams paul you got to watch it it's every game up there's

like a fucking playoff it's like it's like it's their own personal professional hockey league it is insane like that's awesome the canadians maple leafs uh rivalry is is going through the roof and dude like calgary and edmonton and vancouver they already hated each other they for two years they already hated each other because a lot of them now like it's almost like the bruins and the sabers got dragged into the old old Patrick's division where it's it's the Islanders Rangers Penguins uh Flyers and Capitals I think we're all it's kind of slammed in with them um it's just been and so far do we've owned the Flyers we haven't lost to the Flyers yet worst we've done is gone to overtime won in overtime they still got a point,

but it's just been amazing. Well, we'll be doing betting. We'll be doing betting. We're going to bet on March Madness for all the people that get a kick out of me and you throwing lettuce back and forth at each other. We got the March Madness. We're going to have the NBA playoffs. I don't know shit about the college hoop. I got to get into it. My team is Kansas. I've liked them back since Danny Manning. I just always liked them. And then I like Temple because of Mark Macon way back in the day. Yeah, I got weird ones.

I got weird ones like, I don't know, Villanova, Georgetown. Those are great ones. You know, I don't know. It's insane. Georgetown. Those are great ones, you know. I don't know. It's insane. I got to get running here, dude. I got some wine and cigars I got to go buy to go watch this game. Well, before we get out of here, I just want to say. I'm going to root beer for myself because I'm a fucking sober.

Because my hard week, this hard week that I had, I just want to say, thanks for being there, Bill. All right, guys. This has been episode four of Anything Better. Don't worry. Next week, my setup will be better. It's been a nightmare week. We're coming back. Is there anything better?

I had a great one and I fucking forget it. We do one every week. Yeah. Is there anything better than having a computer that works? Apparently, I don't right now. Don't worry. I'm coming back next year. I've got one for you. Is there anything, why was I just like this? I've got one for you.

Is there anything better than learning the skills to call somebody a cunt without ever having to say the word? Ooh, that's a good one. Do what it makes you like. Oh, Billy's floating. All right, guys, it's been episode four. Check out the other podcasts. Of course, Bill's Monday morning podcast, Verzi Effect, Andrew Themlis, the great producer who does it all. Thank you guys so much. And March 24th, check me out through Orlando Improv March 25th, check me out through West Palm Improv Till next week, we are out of here Oh, and I'm doing a benefit

Over Zoom For This kid, AJ Ketta, I believe is how you say his last name He got hurt real bad Playing hockey NHL's raising a bunch of money for him And I'm going to do my little part I will have the information on my Monday morning podcast,

which is what Andrew February. What is that going to be now? Jesus. I just slowed it down. Bum, bum, bum, bum,

February 15th. I'll have all the information. All right. Thank you so much. This has been another episode of anything better. We'll see you next week. Later. Thank you.