Anything Better? - Justice Is Served

Episode Date: June 19, 2021

Is there Anything Better than Bill and Paul's 20th episode of Anything Better?

What's up everybody and welcome back to your favorite hour of the week, the Anything Better podcast with myself paul berzy over here himself himself over there bill burr and uh podcast producing extraordinaire andrew themless the greek freak behind the glass you guys are listening to episode number barry sanders now i thought i thought about other 20s. You got Allen Houston. You got some guys that were great 20s. Billy Sims. Listen, I mean no disrespect. Two 20s in a row. On the Lions. But Barry is Barry.

We got it. Barry is Barry. And here's the dopest part about Barry Sanders. For you people that don't know, the guy walked away in his prime. He was staring at records that he could break and easily become the guy if he would have stayed on a team that was bad. And he decided, you know what? I'm going to hang with my kids. Okay. I'm not going to beat up my body and brain. Everybody knows how dope I am, but I know how dope I am. Hey, NFL, fuck off. And that is something to be said

about that. I don't think he said fuck off. He's probably said, thanks. He kind of said, if you're not going to get me help, fuck off. From what I understood. Oh, that. I don't think he said to you. He was saying that to the Lions. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He was kind of saying, look, dude, I'm not getting beat up for another three to four years if I'm not getting help. There's something to be said about that. That's why you should watch that Four Kings documentary. Yeah, you were saying that. You got to say this.

I know this spoiler alert, man. The coolest thing in sports and entertainment, the hardest thing to do is after you've made your mark and you're starting to slide down the back of the hill to walk away. I say that now as a bald 53 year old who's still hanging in there. Yeah. I was going to say, Bill, I think that's a lot of professions. No, no, I don't see dentists hanging around. That's fun. You know, they get them. All right, dude, I got it. I got it. I'm, I've had enough of people walking in here telling me they hate the dentist um i think uh you know it's a

very hard thing to do and and watching that four kings documentary what i got out of that was sugar ray leonard understood the show business aspect of the sport he understood it all that retiring and stuff i know initially it was legit i'm not saying they weren't all legit retirees but he knew how to build in the anticipation to get it to make it the highest payday that guy had that ringling brothers thing he just he understood you know step right up type of shit. Roberto Duran and Tommy Hearns were just pure fighters. Just pure fighters. Those guys would just stand there and literally to the point, if they had the fight won, if you just started throwing haymakers, they were just such fighters. They would stand and trade with you rather than

just hang on just in case the other guy gets a lucky shot in or something. And then Marvin Hagler, I felt understood life the way very few people do, especially somebody who walks shirtless into an arena and just beats down another person and walks out. So it's like the most manliest thing you could ever do. How do you walk away from that drug? That guy, if you watch that documentary, it was so cool. Like Sugar Ray was retiring and all that shit and making it seem like there was going to be a fight. He fucked with them.

It was almost like the beginning. The fight was already on when he was like letting them know if the fight was going to be a fight. He fucked with them. It was almost like the beginning. The fight was already on when he was letting them know if the fight was going to happen, and Sugar Ray had all the control, and finally he agrees to do it. They have the fight. It's fucking bullshit. You got to beat the champ. He didn't beat the champ.

He wasn't swollen up. He didn't TKO him. He didn't knock him out, but he was Sugar Ray Leonard, and he knew the business, so I feel like they gave it to Ray Leonard because they knew there was going to be a rematch, and then everybody could get paid twice for the same thing. Right. But Marvin Hagler walked away, knew the decision was bullshit, which I agree. I'm not shitting on Ray Leonard. He fought a great fight and everything, but how it goes in boxing, you have to to beat the champ you have to knock him down fuck him up swell him up did not do that clearly win clearly win yeah so the split decision does

not go to the challenger no filthy boxing they wanted to rematch Hagler just walks away right so everybody's like oh all right so now he's gonna do that thing he's gonna do the sugar thing I'm retired and let it build and let it build and then you know I'm sure Ray so now he's going to do that thing. He's going to do the sugar thing. I'm retired. And let it build and let it build. And then, you know, I'm sure Ray Leonard thought he was going to come back. So years later, Marvin Hagler is at some sort of boxing event honoring great boxers and everything. And Ray Leonard was there. And according to the documentary, he sent somebody over and said,

hey, Marvin, just to let you know, Sugar Ray says anytime you want the rematch, it's sitting there and it's waiting for you. We'll make a ton of money. What do you say? And he goes, tell Sugar Ray I said to get a life. Wow. How sick is that? Wow.

Dude, that's just a guy. Dude, we are past our prime. Yeah, he knew. We're stealing money now. I'm not going to get knocked around. I don't want to knock you around we should both be hanging out having a couple of beers laughing at our beer bellies and you're still chasing this thing yeah i'm not embarrassing myself i'm not embarrassing

the sport and i'm not going back for this bullshit i have enough and i have enough of a life away from this shit that i don't need it. And I already love Marvin Hagler. I had no idea about that story. And that thing, it's called the Four Kings on Showtime. Yeah, I got to check that out. You were saying that. And like, there is something to be said about, you know, I think Jeter, I think Derek Jeter left the Yankees at the time where it was like,

look, he still was able to play the shortstop position, but you knew that if he played one or two – Remember, he would go in the hole. It would have got sad. It was never sad. You saw it. Everybody diminishes a little, but he never got sad. No.

He would do that play where he would get it in the hole and kind of turn and jump and get it to first. And towards the last year, you knew that he was a year away from not making that throw, and he knew it. And he said, fuck all. You know what I was thinking about, Bill, when you were saying that? You think there's like a knee surgeon who's like in lunch in the cafeteria and like his assistant that's been with them forever is like dude listen man you're just not you're just not getting these acls the way you

used to listen you're still holding the scalpel where you need to but you this time next year you can't make that incision and i'm just saying you know you, it's your decision. I'm just saying that if you walk away now, there's going to be no malpractice. You've got an airtight case to be in the Hall of Fame of knee surgeons. Look, you know what's great is you never got to see, like, Derek Jeter finish out on, like, the Indians or the White Sox. Oh, dude, that's the best. Is it weird to play considering you guys had that World Series loss to them

and didn't have to do any of that shit? No, Eli Manning too. There were talks about Eli to the Jaguars for a year. And you know what? That card, that football card will always exist. Like if he goes to that team, if Eli Manning went to the Jags or he went to the Cardinals or some team like that, you're going to see him in number 10 and not the team that he was.

There's some great ones. There's very few, but some great ones. Dan Marino almost signed, I think, with the Vikings. They were going to sign him after 99. And he was like, no, not doing it. Not chasing it. Dude, Eli Manning had the dopest quote ever. He stands up at his retirement and he goes,

you know, Wellington Marrow once said, once a giant, always a giant. He goes, well, for me, it's only a giant. And I was like, yes, that's the shit, dude. That's the shit. I was like yes that's the shit dude that's the shit i was like that lasts forever and rather than thrown for another fucking 2800 yards over two fucking seasons yeah and like in like houston or some shit i'm not shitting on these franchises i'm just saying like this guy is a giant dude if mariana rivera came out of the pen as a closer for the Royals in his last year, you want to put a fucking just throw up. He wasn't automatic anymore.

Oh, giving up bombs in like the. Dude, I went to I went to a baseball game on Monday night. Me and Forrest Shaw, he took me to the Dodgers. We sat right behind home plate. I love that stadium, dude. That stadium's the shit, man. Old school, great stadium. Yeah.

It's funny now that it's old school. It was the best of the cookie cutter stadiums because they already had a football stadium there, so it was made specifically for baseball. It's fascinating. It's fascinating how the parking lot goes up the ravine and how you could be like, if you like, if you come in the stadium from the outfield,

you're looking all the way up. It's the only one that has five decks. You're looking all the way up there. But if you drive your car around and you're sitting there, you park up there, you like everything's ground level. You're just walking in because it's built into the side of a, I walked in his ravine. I walked into Dodger stadium and I was was in the upper deck in left field, but lower, and it was like the seats were incredible,

and it was just amazing, dude. I fucking loved it. They're great fans, too, as far as like it's really, out of all the teams, I feel like they are entrenched in LA the most, even beyond the lake, the Lakers have the championship. So there's a lot of pile on, but like Dodger fans are like, they're like literally from the dirt out here. I feel like, like you just, it's just something that, you know, Laker fans, you know,

they kind of dip in, dip out. Magic's here. Dip out. Hey, Kobe dip out LeBron. You know, know they just sort of it's like they're uh i don't know tapping in and out and wrestling but i feel like uh not saying they're all like that because i there's nothing better than a diehard laker fan that can talk all the way back to before kareem that's the shit but um but anyway so i went down there they were playing the phillies so we had like the tickets where you could get all this dumb shit that you'd never eat like a baseball game and i didn't even realize it we sat there and all i got was i got the peanuts it's the only time i eat peanuts right oh you went old school i had the peanuts and i had two

dodger dogs and a coke oh they were like know, we got a filet in there. I'm fucking sitting there in my lap eating a fucking steak like an asshole. I'm not doing that. But what was great, too, because it was only like 25% capacity, you could really heckle the players. So that Bryce Harper, is that his name? He was up there, and we noticed, Forrest noticed that his belt had like little sparkles in it.

Oh my God. It was more shinier than the other guys. Oh my God. So I was just going, hey Bryce, I really like your belt. Is yours the shiniest because you're the best player? Oh my God. But I was uncomfortable it was so like i i don't do it to make fun of the player because i don't i have nothing against that guy i do it to make people

around me laugh but there was nobody there so then it just kind of felt oddly intimate like i was really saying this to him and i just kind of like this isn't fun you know he's not going fuck you you bald fuck who never made it anywhere past gym class he was just standing there blocking me out so i was just like it's kind of tapered off i talked i talked to this comic who goes oh my god there i am right there there i am oh that's great yeah and they somebody just tweeted it at me i didn't share it because you know oh my god but yeah you look so fucking east coast that is the you look so east coast at that that is the best oh my god uh yeah i don't wear the paraphernalia i am there for one i want to enjoy the game and i want to make people in my

section laugh that's it you know what was funny was this lady came down to me and she said, Hey, a couple of people back there know who you are. And she goes, do you want to be bothered? Now, if she just said, can they come down and take a picture? I would have said yes, but she says, do you want to be bothered? And I just laughed going, no, I don't want to be bothered. Who wants to be bothered? And then she laughed and then that was it. One of the few times I ever did it. But then there was, I mean, there's only one answer to you want to be bothered. Yeah.

You know what? Get them down here. Fuck up my name. You want to be annoyed? If she just said, hey, this was the way that she phrased it. I thought it was so funny i had to go for the joke and just said no because i knew i'd make her laugh yeah but then my catholic guilt i felt bad gone ah you know i i should have done it and blah blah blah blah it's one of the

few times i i just haven't done it yeah why i'm not letting you do it it felt good dude every once in a while you have somebody else pump your gas yeah yeah luxury paul yeah ah no dude there's two comics you just reminded me of something these two comics said that they were i was in arizona and he goes yeah there was a protest so we figured let's just go down there and see what's going on because they went down there for 10 minutes it was literally people just running up to cops going you fucking piece of shit because this isn't fun we just left he goes because we thought it was gonna be like part of something he goes it was guys really running up to guys with families who were just sitting there with a straight face you fucking they just looked i, and yelling you fucking piece of shit at cops

does not lessen the gap. And it just, and it also, it kills the argument of intelligent people on that side that can make the point. And this, you know, it's so, that's why debating stuff on the internet is so stupid. Because this is why people debate they just go like hey fuckhead maybe if you blah blah blah like who's listening past hey

fuckhead yeah exactly no it's really like a uh you know really is that how you were raised oh so that's how you were raised now we and then all of a sudden they just brought your family into it it's like that's never gonna fucking turn. And then all of a sudden, they just brought your family into it. It's like, that's never going to fucking turn into like a productive conversation. Yeah. You know what it is? Everybody on the internet, they act like, you know, they just,

it's the fact that someone can't punch you in the face. Yeah. So everybody starts acting like broads, Paul. Which is a shame. just saying whatever they want to say i was hoping to get a laugh on that now just both look like extra misogynistic here you don't even blink on that paul that was an over the top they're making us all act like broads you're just like all act like broads you're just like oh i gotta get the laugh to take the sting off of what i was saying but i have to ask someone who now sits and watches the real housewives with my wife because

she owns the tv she just posts up every night and she gets the TV in the bedroom. I just finally gave in and started watching. That is the thing that I've noticed about them is that they, I mean, I know it's just like a TV show, but like the shit that they say to each other is just so fucking, it's, it starts 30 yards out of bounds and continues marching. You know,

cause they all live by this code that there's no reason to put a put their hands on on on somebody so but they don't respect it they take advantage of it and then they just do the shit dude i've seen a few women say shit to other women it like hurt me for the woman yeah i remember what time this woman said that's why you can't have kids oh i saw the look of pain on that woman's face dude it fucking hurt my heart i was just like oh my god i didn't know i had feelings uh it's like i like making fun of somebody until i find out i actually hurt him you know just dude she went for fucking marrow no she went for like a pain in my chest like god damn yeah she she went for just straight pain and that's something that

makes you think later when somebody says something to you that makes you think later but you want to know what's funny about that my little brother that's a victory for them their victory is making the hurting the other person that they cry because Because I watched the other woman, rather than give in to the emotion and cry, she tried to hold it in. Yeah. Because she didn't want to give. It was like tapping out. Yeah.

She had it in the fucking arm. She wasn't going to tap. And then she finally had to tap and started fucking crying. And I was just thinking, does that other person feel i think when a woman makes another woman cry it doesn't hold the weight that when a guy when is a guy if you make a woman cry your wife cries even if you're 100 right you just feel like a bully which is why i only believe about 40 of the tears personally you know what i mean right cry wolf a lot is all i'm saying paul right cry wolf a lot is all i'm saying paul it's a faucet they all can just sort of turn it that uh i actually think acting is harder for a guy

it's harder for a man paul i'm going big on this one it's harder for a man because we're not allowed to access 90 of our fucking feelings the ones that make you win an award wait did you get into a fight with your wife before this podcast or no oh am i going that hard i'm sorry no no no i'm just i didn't see my phone go off i know we always do the text dude are you around well you know what i love about you when you're fucking pissed you and your wife get into a fight you always say hello first yeah but then i go you got a minute yeah you go dude you got a minute i Yeah, you go, dude, you got a minute? I need the vent.

And I'll pick up. I'm like, hello. You're like, yeah, Bill, how you doing? Listen, you're not going to believe me. You just launch right. But you always say hello first. Yeah, I know. You don't call up and go, Virzy.

Listen, my fucking wife. Yeah, you just launch in. No, Bill goes like this. Virzy, let's go. Listen, dude, you say my last name and then you just i'm right but you um you reminded me of my some my little brother said so my little brother moved to idaho he lives in sandpoint idaho he met this girl that you know seems awesome like he's he's got he got a job like he got his life like together and stuff

and like you know but he's just like you know he's like a fucking i don't he's, he's got, he got a job, like he got his life, like together and stuff. And like, you know, but he's just like, you know, he's like a fucking, I don't, he's like a outdoorsy fuck. And he long story short, he calls me up. I go, what are you doing, dude? He goes, ah, nothing, man. Me and Krista, we're just watching the bachelor. And he's so not the bachelor watcher. Like if you ever thought of somebody not watching the bachelor, it's him. And I go, yeah, I go bachelor it's him and i go yeah i go it's a pretty big show huh and he goes yeah dude he goes kind of into it you know he goes i

fucking hated it he said literally he said he's watching it and he's going dude mandy and chandler clearly need to be together dude they got the same family and he's like he goes all right dude i gotta go i love you man i gotta get back to the bachelor uh she's inside so when you said the housewives thing i can't watch a fucking second of any of that i don't i can't i just fucking no i'll tell you the only ones i will i watch the real housewife of potomac because i watched the greatest episode of any Real Housewife ever. I watched the godfather of the Real Housewives. And then that made me feel like, oh, my God, this series is like this. And then I got into it, but it only happened once.

I walked in on the episode where the passive-aggressive person was talking shit and then the person that would actually throw down and fight beat the shit out of her and what happens is on those shows on all reality shows why i don't like them is people are always saying things that are worthy of getting punched in the face and right before that happens the crew and everybody descend in to break it up yeah so it's just like it's like in the nhl like last night i'm watching tampa and uh the islanders they're about ready to have a fight with this guy number 14 with this great hair he did one of these when he went to the penalty box i was as shit and the refs just got in between them it's just like the crowd's booing like what the fuck man come on man that's what we came here for right i watched the episode where that happened uh that'll do this woman deserved

it and she got a fucking ass kick and there was a bunch of adults there trying to break it up and there was nothing they could do about it because this woman just dialed in she fucking dude she was holding her down on the fucking table and people going let her go and she wouldn't let her up and this woman's face was just just couldn't move oh my god i would listen i would watch that too i would watch that too it was so satisfying to see something but then but then i hated this sir that i i loved it finally yeah finally right and then the next episode all the chicks sided with the big mouth because they don't want to live in a world where they can get their ass beat for fucking running their yaps they went back to the there is no reason there absolutely is a reason and you just fucking saw it justice was served dismissed next case justice was served is the name of this episode

there you go i fucking loved every second of it but then then they all, you know, it just was awful. And then they did this shit that, you know, a lot of broads do with. And then they somehow, one of the women somehow made this chick's ass beaten about herself. She showed up with a security person, Paul, because she didn't feel safe. You know what was so funny? No, it's hilarious. She shows up with a security person.

He's sitting in the passenger seat. She's driving in a Mini Cooper. She holds up like she's fucking Beyoncece she needs all this security and then he goes in and he just sits down in the kitchen just sort of sitting in the threshold like a backup goaltender just sit wait going like is my name going to get on the cup i really i haven't stopped a puck unless it was practiced since january um but then it just kind of like uh it tapered off it tapered off and then it was just like oh man i thought this was the one where people were going to get punched in the face and then you and then you'd see them become better people. Right?

Because I think that that's why, generally speaking, men are cooler than women. Not because we're better people. It's just because we don't want to get punched in the face and we know that that can happen. We're just as cunty as they are. There's my olive branch. We're just as bitchy as they are, but there is a line. The line moves.

The line moves. You can get away with more in an office if you came for money and you got on a suit, but there's still a fucking line where you can push it so far that that other person doesn't give a shit other than just the sweet sound of their fist hitting your fucking face. the sweet sound of their fist hitting your fucking face and if you lose if you lose dude you just as a man you just took a loss there's no like i'm sorry i have to defend bill here there was no reason for what happened no it's like no bill ran his yap yeah bill got and he got sat the fuck down and bill's a bitch because he lost. That's how it works. That's what I've learned watching these women shows.

That does not exist in their world. And because it doesn't, they say horrific shit. They don't work as a team. And Paul, men continue to dominate. As dumb as we are. Jalapeno popping, sports watching fucking morons. Because we know that we can punch each other in the face., jalapeno popping, sports watching fucking morons, because we know that we can punch each other in the face,

we will get on the same page and get a business going. Generally speaking, they can't do it because they can say, that's why you can't have kids. They can say that to each other. Andrew, Bill is in like the batter's box. This is Bill coming in episode 25. Bill's in the batter's box in batting practice when the little kids come down to watch an hour before the game, and he's just hitting them over the face.

He's just there like, oh, he might have a good one tonight. I have learned a lot about women watching these shows. I'm telling you. Remember you said something the other day, and I broke it down. Somebody said something to you, some woman. And I said, why she said that. Yeah. And you just went, wow.

When you said that, when you said that to me and you broke that down and you go, this is exactly why. It literally was like a puzzle in front of my face that just went like that fit perfectly. And I'm going, oh, my God. You are so funny, Paul. I'm so dumb. I can't. You are so funny, Paul. I'm so dumb. I can't even remember what the fuck it was. But we're still going to win. We're still going to win, Paul, because we can punch each other in the face because we solve shit with violence and the threat of it.

You would be the greatest in line and we can work as a fucking team. You would be the greatest corner man. If I was ever going to fight somebody, I would want nobody else. Because Bill would say some shit that nobody thought of. Like a normal corner man would be like, no, no, no, dude. You're fucking exposing yourself to his left jab. Bill would be like, listen, okay, this guy's mother didn't love him. What the fuck? Like, all right. left jab bill would be like listen okay this guy's mother didn't love him what the

like all right i'll be like all right dude i guess let me um no but you want to know what's funny dude i actually six or seven years ago probably seven years ago i was guilty of like watching the kardashians like once or twice because i remember like no it's probably like i can't watch that show no that's showing on for 15 years probably like the first two years I remember going who's this like who's a Kardashian I think Kyle Dunnigan goes easy on them oh on their on their thing but dude I was watching Bentleys you know me I go who's this girl walking into she was like oh I just got this Bentley and it's like it's too big and I'm like oh dude I I just got this Bentley. And it's like, it's too big. And I'm like, oh, dude, I got to see where this money's coming from.

And then I kind of found out. But then the show was fucking horrible. And then it just was fucking horrible. Nothing happens. No, it was terrible. It's people barely opening their mouths talking. That's what drives me nuts. They're so rich, they can't even pronounce.

They have so much help, they can't even pronounce they have so many fuck so much help they can't even pronounce words yeah it's like did you ever see that sketch the californians it's oh it's one of my favorites they got like the it's like someone's speeding up and slowing down the audio that's that that is still to this day one of the shows if my wife has that on where my blood starts to boil and i have to get out of the fucking room i just have to get out of the car oh yeah yeah dude they are so fucking boring yeah it's boring nothing is happening and and i i don't know to just i don't i don't even know what i don't even know why you know how long that show went on for? you know what's funny? I got into a fight with my wife the other night

but it actually worked out good because I didn't take the bait I just let her yell at me and then I didn't say shit to her not in a bad way, the next day she was like how you doing? I'm like fine, she goes you don't seem fine she knew they know, she's just trying to see if I knew hey did you read about

this thing in the paper? Is this nuts? She knew. She totally knew, right? They always know. They always know. Well, that's when she finally said, I'm sorry. I figured out why you're mad at me. I go, you knew since last night. They don't come aboard.

Listen to me. They don't come aboard. I got a Ferzie going. Listen, they don't come aboard until they think you'll walk. Until they think you walk, that's when they get fucking shit. They will cross lines until you got your fucking fedora on with a fucking travel bag walking out the door. You want to laugh? I just realized how loud that was.

And Stacey's in the next room. Because I'll tell you right now. OK? If you think of me and Bill did this thing where we were talking shit, we were just going like, we're talking about our lives, our wives. We're on FaceTime and I'm whispering in my home going,

because this is bullshit, okay? Nobody's going to tell me what to do. Because I won't stand for it. She doesn't know who the fuck she's dealing with. You understand me? I am a fucking, I am a fucking man. She,

you know what she was watching? Oh, fuck. Not aged well at all. Oh shit. She was watching the fucking, uh, sex in the city. I mean,

Paul, I am taking rights and lefts from the TV all fucking week. Yeah. I was going to say, well say housewives kardashians like that's why i can watch real housewives now at least it's not dude sex in the city i swear to god is written by a 60 year old gay guy who isn't funny they are the worst jokes and it's all like that oh honey Dada Dada do like there was a joke on that one where they were at some party and then one of them's going like I thought this was an A-list party and she's like it is then what's with the double D's by the pool oh my God oh my God dude it was like a gut punch and I was there's I can do, but just shit all over

it. And she finally looks at me. She goes, will you shut up? You said something after every fucking line. And I was like, I didn't realize it was every line. So I was like, all right. So I just, you know, I put my headphones on. I put my headphones on. I listened to the Kingston trio and I went to bed. But how come you don't have a schedule? How come you don't get the TV? I just keep hearing her shows. I always feel like I am in this alone. That's what you would get.

It would become tears. It would become tears. It's like I've come her way. I'm watching the fucking, I'm watching the Real Housewives. Is she going to come my way and watch fucking Vegas Nice bounce the fucking Blue Blanque Rouge cunts out of the fucking playoffs i tried to get her to sit down to watch the fucking four kings oh my god within three minutes she was on her phone she goes i'm sorry it didn't grab me like all right i sat down in the dark in the living room and watched it by

myself oh this is my business This is so fun to me. Bill, you did not go to therapy this week. No, I did. I just had a great. Dude, and I'm getting along with my wife better than I ever have. Guys, if you're not married, this is as good as it gets. It doesn't get any better than this. Guys, this is Bill with therapy, guys.

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Mac Weldon reinventing men's basics. No, dude. This is the thing, too. If you actually fucking make good points at this point. Yeah. And you raise your voice. People didn't just think that you're fucking angry. I'm not angry, dude.

I fucking do. Yes, last night, you know what I did? I went for a swim in my pool. Two strokes one side, two strokes the other side. My little fucking kiddie pool in the back. I just fucking, I'm enjoying my fucking life, dude. I got rid of the bullshit. I got rid of the, not the day-to-day frustration, like this fucking cunt today, I'm driving up the street, right? up the street right what this new phenomenon since the pandemic where pedestrians just walk in the street and i have to drive over to the other side of the fucking street because your fucking dumb ass is still driving in the street walking in the fucking street like that that shit yeah will always bug me well that's how i feel with the bikes around here the bikes they're arrogant too because they they know they shake their head the bicycles do

they ride side by side shooting the shit with five people behind them that's my number one but um you don't utilize that hot do you utilize a hot tub your hot tub man i remember seeing that look at me look at me look at me look at me there there is like a two-hour window between the sun going down and this my old ass having to go to bed i don't have time to heat the thing up oh you don't i always walk to the pool you know it's five feet deep i have an in-ground above-ground pool and i jump in i always say the same thing i just go i hate this part but and it's just getting into once i get in i'm fine that's the only there's only one way to get

to a fucking pool jump you jump right in right up right the fucking jump right in bullshit where you go down the steps and you hang on to the fucking little aluminum railing i love how shitty that fucking railing is at everybody's pool i don't care how nice your pool is it's it's like whatever kind of metal that is it's barely barely metal. And what it's preventing. If you were ever to slip and fall by yourself and hit your head on the side of the pool, you're now face down in the water. You're going to die. You would think that they'd have something a little more sturdier.

I feel like if you were angry enough and you went like this, you could crush it like an empty Coke can. You could dent it for sure. Absolutely. Oh, dude, I would be, if I had a hot tub, I'd be sitting in it with a, with a stick, but I got to tell the story about the sushi. I got to tell the story about how funny the sushi was. So, uh, I see Bill, I'm out in California and I see Bill, I see Bill and it's like, Hey man, I haven't seen in a long time, you know, smoke, smoke, smoke a stick. We'll, uh, maybe long time you know let's smoke a stick we'll uh

maybe get you know i'll have something to drink you know i mean i don't want to be disrespectful i know you're not drinking but hey no no you slipped one in you threw a little chin music when we were out there what did i at some point i was walking i had my back to you like fucking jesse james hanging up a picture and you floated out you need a drink oh okay yeah yeah yeah yeah you did hey i test the waters paul uh so bill goes i go dude i've been doing podcasts running around california all day and it's fucking rental i go i need to eat something so he goes oh what do you want to eat man we could order something so he goes hold on let me find out this let me find out the plate he goes

what are you in the mood for and i go i don't want carbs you know maybe some sushi or some steak hold on let me find out the sushi place he comes down he hands me his phone with this sushi place and the menu on it and i just look at it and i go what's good from here and bill goes oh dude everything is good from there i go oh cool what do you usually get he goes i don't eat that shit it was a fucking comedy it was in a circle like you know what i was thinking of i just found out that women who eat fish while they're pregnant their babies test positive for plastic i don't know how much plastic but it it's just like, all right, I got to go with the cow that's eating the other cow and has fucking hoof disease or whatever.

I'm just trying to limit my shit so I don't fuck with fish anymore. I'll eat man-made salmon made in a lab. It's all crazy. Dude, that just fucking really bummed me out. Well, that's the thing, Paul, and that's the shit that they don't talk about is they sit there and they fucking roast a comedian every week for some dumb joke he did.

Do they call out these corporations that just pay a fine rather than clean up their acts so they stop polluting the fucking ocean so babies aren't born with plastic in them? Tell me a stand-up with the joke that's worse than doing that yeah dude there isn't one and every fucking week there's another comic getting thrown on like a fucking yule log and these corporations can do whatever the fuck they want they can have never-ending wars they can just you know support the troops and da da da da and just just frame it all so it all fucking makes sense. But God forbid,

Paul, you go fucking out there and you do some goddamn joke. You speak your truth, right? They're going to come down and fucking hammer you. If you're a guy. Oh, shit. If you're a woman, though, I think you have to be a Republican that says some Republican shit.

Then you can get in trouble. Right. But if you're a lefty woman, you can say whatever the fuck you want. Yeah. Within reason. Obviously, you can't just go up there and be overtly racist. But you know what i mean you're not gonna get no one's gonna try and take your shit and fucking you know squeegee it down

whatever it's not squeegee whatever squish it down and make it into something it wasn't yeah yeah no i definitely uh you know what's worse now paul is now you got comics that are out there talking about other comics. I mean, it's just unforgivable. Like when you talk back to sports, we're all in the locker room here. Settle it amongst yourselves. Comics have always talked shit about other comics. Bobby Kelly said it.

Bobby Kelly said it, dude. We're in the mob. You keep your fucking mouth shut. And, you know, to have comedians sitting on a podcast hearing about something that happened with another comedian going all right so let's talk about chiming in on a scandal they don't know they have no information on no facts using that for hits on filming other comics taking a sliver and putting it out there dude that shit is just like that is going to be the end of us you get whacked for that in the in the real mob you get whacked for that for real in a real mob you go listen we can't have it he's got

to go paul all of a sudden it's amazing how this shit never fucking happened yeah never happened and all of a sudden now it's happening paul it's why is that? I was almost like there was some sort of shift. You know why, Paul? Because now there's that. That's why you can't have kids, bitch. Element is in it. This is what a certain element. You know what it was? It's like in the mob, no women and children.

Remember? And now that's like off limits. It was like no women and children. There's rules to this shit. Now there's no rules. Now there's no rules. No fucking rules. And it's just like,

if you just don't like somebody, yeah, or you're not happy with your career is you're gonna go in and pile on yeah pile on guilty by association or say or say shit like hey man uh you know if you got a story dm it to me anonymously and it's just like so i could just like make up a story and send it to you and not even have my name attached to it and then then you're going to present it as fact. Yeah, it's brutal. It's fucking insane, Paul.

But Paul, that's the world we live in. Yeah. That's the world we live in. Dude, it's going to be, it's going to, humanity is going to die out. Everybody thought it was going to be some epic Will Smith or fucking Tom Cruise movie. It isn't. It isn't. We're all going to be yelling at each other over the latest on the latest social media platform, ignoring the 800 pound gorilla, you know, as the oceans are all full of trash.

You know, nine people can't say things that are true. money. You can't say things that are truth because if the truth that you're stating is against the narrative or the popular narrative of what's out there, you're part of the problem. That's what it is. But you can lie if it fits the narrative. That's what's going on.

But Paul, that has always existed. That has always existed. It's just, it's now in our world. So, which if someone wants to say, well man that's your just desserts i can go with that all right but it's when it's framed as like oh i'm a i'm a warrior and i'm a i'm a i'm a lieutenant general fucking social justice whatever the fuck they're doing it's just like yeah you know i don't know you're just sort of you're going off it's soft you don't know what a comedian dude you're a soft target very easy yeah yeah that makes sense you did a joke about egg mcmuffins yeah my family loves that choice some people are born poverty, and that's what they have to eat.

They don't get into why people are born into poverty. They get into the joke that you did at a fucking strip mall. Whatever. Let's plow ahead here, Paul. Paul, you know, we do have to make amends with the Brooklyn Nets here. I mean, look, it was a great performance. It was a great performance by Kevin Hart. No, no, no, I'm not saying that.

I'm saying that we sat there and were acting like it was a foregone conclusion because of the pile-on team that they were just going to go undefeated. And I feel that now that they actually lost two games, I feel that that really humanized them. What happened? I heard a couple of guys got hurt. Yeah, they got hurt and Harden tried to play through it. Durant had a game for the ages. One of the greatest playoff performances of any player ever guy ended up just

shooting three after three, making it. And it was just, what could you say? You know, it was just, you know? Anything's possible. Kevin Garnett's getting better. How much more enjoyable was that, that he was just out there by himself? Yeah, Harden was – that's the only thing. Listen, in all jokes aside, with Kyrie not in and Harden really hurt and the performance he put on, I got to – Harden was hurt, Jesus Christ.

So KD scored 49. What, Harden let up 48? I've been watching the hockey, man. The Islanders came out strong that first game. Hit them right in the mouth, as they say, with Tampa. And then this last game. Hockey's a weird game, dude, where like it's, you know, NBA is like a

game of runs yeah like they're up by 29 points and then you know five minutes later you come back from the kitchen with the sandwich you're like 32 to 3 run they're right back in it like yeah what the fuck happened right hockey is like one of those games where just certain night like last night tampa came out when they were up one nothing the way they were playing i was like they literally the islanders have about 90 seconds to stop this or this fucking game is over and i turned out i was wrong because like five minutes went by they tied it up one one but like like Tampa was just possessed last night. And they just came out.

I'm talking game two for whenever this thing comes out. But they just steamrolled them, right? Won the game like 4-1 or 4-2. Islanders got one late. But I do feel, though, I don't know enough about Tampa. But Tampa really was getting physical and was sort of dropping the gloves and shit. I think in a longer series that will play into the Islanders hand because they are definitely a more scrappier, you know, you want to play a two to one game, you know, with

a bunch of hits and shit. I feel like that's right in their wheelhouse where Tampa can blow you out. They just have that kind of firepower. So I'm a little concerned. I'll tell you right now, I'm a little concerned that they kind of got involved because even at the end of the game, you won the game, skate off.

They were still doing the bullshit, you know, and face washing people and Islanders were doing it to them. It's like, dude, let them just skate off in silence with no hope. Don't get them all fucking amped up. Like, oh, man, I wish game three was tomorrow. I got to come out and just, I'm going to fucking kill this guy. Punch somebody in the mouth, yeah.

Yeah, don't motivate them. So I think it's going to be a great series. And tonight I'm going to be watching my adopted team, which is any team that's playing the canadians vegas knights me and the vegas knights go way back to the beginning of this series paul yeah you and the vegas knights oh they got a little league last year like this um dude speaking of hockey so you know me me and Lucas always play basketball in the driveway. And my little girl, Sophia, she's playing hockey now.

And, dude, she's got hockey skates, the full equipment. She goes, Dad, let's go to the rink. Let's go to the ice arena. So I go with my little girl. She's got the helmet. She's got her stick and puck, dude. Dude, the whole thing. And I go, let me get a stick.

That's really exciting that she took up this. I go, let me get a stick. I'll go out there on the ice with you. Fuck it. You know, I'm an athlete. So me get a stick i'll go out there on the ice with you fuck it you know i'm an athlete so i start i'm not i'm starting saying like i literally got on the ice and they were bring something to the party there were real coaches and real players practicing on the ice and real instructors and they watched me get out there with no helmet and a stick and everything and i'm going oh fuck dude they're watching me right so like i tried to ham it up a little bit and probably thought you were tied. Don't me right.

Yeah. Five, eight in that head. You were like, it's that tight. Don't we? So, so Sophia goes,

Hey dad, you know the way when you and Lucas play in the driveway, you guys have to end with both hitting the shot. Well, she goes, when me and you were done on the ice, let's end with me giving you like a great pass, dude.

She fucking how fuck. First of all, that's like my little girl, dude. Like my little girl is fucking my little girl. with me giving you like a great pass. Dude, she fucking, how the fuck? First of all, that's like my little girl, dude. Like my little girl is fucking, my little girl told me, told me these words while we were walking the dog. She said, daddy, if somebody ever hurt you, she hears about when I'm on the road, if there's a mass shooting, if there,

she goes, daddy, if anybody ever hurt you, she said, I'm gonna take a knife from the kitchen. I'm gonna kill everybody in their family. And if somebody in their family is my friend, I'm kill them too that's i'm i'm i'm on my children's life my daughter said that to me she said i wasn't gonna work out today now i'm going to yeah she said if that just like motivated me she said if one of the families hurt you in our neighborhood and and and a little girl there was a friend of mine. I'll kill her too. My daughter is fucking. You know what it is, Paul? The most loyal blood on the planet comes from Sicily.

Sicily and Greece. She's Mediterranean. She gets it. Make no mistakes. With that loyalty comes bodies. If my daughter was a Don. It's going to be a stack of bodies. Dude, I tell you what, man.

If my daughter, if I had a crystal ball and i could see my daughter and they were like dude she's gonna be a don but she's gonna be like one of the best i'd be like yeah fucking yeah dude she would be a corleone michael corleone and she's michael yeah she's michael she's see she's mike she's not veto veto wanted peace and veto wanted no drugs and veto wanted rules that's why when Sonny got murdered, he called everybody. He said, this ends now. Michael wanted to tie all loose, cut all loose ends, just kill everybody. That's what Sophia would be. No, no, no. They die. We start fresh. But anyway, I digress. We go into the thing and she fucking takes the puck and she just-

That's a great way. that is a great godfather shirt what still wanted peace and you just have brando's face when he's looking at sunny like look what they did to my boy look how they massacred my boy yeah look look how they massacred my boy um she passed a dime she gave me a. The puck, she just went across the ice. I made sure I got it. It went right there. It was perfect. And she just kind of did like this thing like that. And she's like nine years old and she's like teaching me to skate backwards. She's going back and forth with the puck. She knows how to spin around. Now she's going like backwards on defense and stuff. I'm telling you, year sophia's gonna be playing in a hockey but it's really intense and i didn't realize how intense

and how expensive it is they were like yeah do you want her to do this intense class and i was like yeah my wife and they were like you know each class is 700 which i don't give a fuck like if she loves hockey dude fuck you don't need what is she going in the olympics no 700 bucks 700 a class six per kid how many kids are in the class i don't know but they have to go into like classrooms and she goes dad i don't know if i should go that intense out of that is one-on-one instruction with mark messier i don't want to put mark messier's price out there i shouldn't have done that but a four a. You get a call later. A fourth liner NHL journeyman.

700 bucks for one hour. 700 bucks a class. And they got to be in the classroom when they're not on the ice. And she goes, dad, I don't know if that. She goes, I heard it's really intense. I go, let's just skate. Let's just get you skating good. And then, you know.

Let people let her go out there. Dude, you have fun. You learn about life. You win, you lose. Together as a team, you learn to shake it off. You learn to not get too fucking, you know, full of yourself. The fact that her instinct, she didn't want to end on a goal. She wanted a pass.

She's a team player. She sounds like a captain to me. Yeah, I want her to play goalie, too. And she goes, nah, I don't want you to try goalie man i was like you know you're you're smart you see things you'd have to have a tv show to fucking pay for those pads a growing kid playing goalie do you how much fucking money that is i just think it's so funny that she picked hockey and you love to sleep dude those practices lied. I said five in the morning. They're like four, 430. Yeah. You know what the two most scholarships for college are? This is the truth. Two most

scholarships for students in college are women's hockey, men's golf. Oh, Lucas going to hit the links. Wait a minute. Those are the two number one. The most the most scholarships given out in the country are for women's hockey because because there's not enough. They need them. They need they need female hockey players. And golf is, you know, golf, even though golf is on the come up, dude, after Tiger and stuff, golf. Dude, what Tiger Woods did for golf, people don't understand. He changed. He made guys want to play in high school. And then when he dropped off and shit it was just like now it's not as big that's what he wanted he was he was three years out of high school he was 21 when he won the masters i believe 1997 96 97 no he might have been ninth dude he shot 21

under he shot 20 with his first masters he won he shot oh under 20 like minus 20 or 21 oh yeah what he was 21 21 bam nailed it buddy nailed it yeah and i think he shot 20 under or 21 under don't try to fucking get some sort i did a good job there hey andrew find out how much he won by or he was 20 or 21 under 12 strokes that was the first you missed it too they really missed that one too paul now what's the second year fuck can you give me can you give me a victory here look at you got it no you got it you're trying to make this about you but i but i also did this i still owe you money hey listen bobby orr doesn't score that goal unless derrick sanderson passes in the puck okay paul Paul? You set me up.

You brought up fucking Tiger Woods. I threw you an alley-oop and you fucking yoked it. You yoked it. My fucking podcast Hall of Fame speech I'm bringing up this moment. I'm going to give you a shout-out. Just to let you know, you are going to have lawn seats. I don't know if I can get you the folding chair. Oh, man.

We up there by the food trucks. Did you ever meet Tiger? I haven't met Tiger Woods. No, I didn't. No. You met Barkley, right? Barkley. Barkley, I have a weird thing where I have met him three times,

but it was just in passing. Three? Yeah. Before I got in this business, I never saw famous people, and I saw him twice. And then I got in this business, and I saw him a third time. I saw him. I was on a flight to Alabama where he's from. He went to Auburn. I had a family member pass away. So I was going down

there for a funeral and he was on my flight. Saw him then, didn't say anything to him. You know, I just, I've never been that personal. I didn't, didn't left him alone uh and then i saw him uh at daisy buchanan's the 76ers had played the celtics and i was in there drinking one night and after the game he came over there and he was really really social like i was sort of standing near that i remember like some girl said something dumb and he was joking around saying he he hit me goes he'll dump a beer over her head man i don't know what she's talking about he's joking he wasn't being serious he was just joking but like he was really like he was just sitting there like wanted to be regular it felt like it'd be funny if you just poured a beer you're like yeah ramon and reban i always loved you man hey i was just fucking around

um but this was back when he was on the 76ers he still had the hair you know um and then i saw him um i was doing some talk show i don't remember which one i remember i was in the makeup chair and he just poked his head in didn't look at me he was looking at the makeup ladies and he just made this face like he's he's like, what the hell am I doing here? Like what? Like basic, what the feeling everybody has before they go on a talk show. If any,

if you're any sort of a human being, let's, you know, you're just like, what am I doing here? I have nothing to talk about. This is what do I do here? I'm like you,

I don't give a fuck about anything like that. Like I watched the UFC fight in Austin and I didn't want to be near where that shooting was. So the editor of this paper, he took me to the east side of Austin and we went and there were like actors there. And I literally saw actors that I knew from series. It was an actor from Narcos. I'm like, oh, shit. And it was cool. I don't care what I it's athletes that fucked me up.

Like when I saw magic that fucked me up up. For me, it's an athlete and it's over. But it's gotta be an athlete from when I was a kid and they were bigger than life. Right. Like Donnie Baseball for me. Like if I saw Don Mattingly

sitting next to me in a restaurant, I'd fucking lose my shit. Yeah. I'd lose my fucking... I hate to tell this to people out there, but as you get older, when you're a kid, they're gods. And then it's like, holy shit, they're my age.

And then once you get older than them, they're just somebody that achieved a dream that you never did. You stop looking at them like they just remind you how much you sucked in gym class. I'm fucking with you. It's not that bad. But you know what? You know what I love, though? When I went to the Dodger game, they got some relief pitcher out there. Mexican dude.

I don't know who he is. But they have such a strong Mexican fan base. They bring this dude out, and he goes up to that Mexican music, which is the equivalent of Irish bagpipe music, but the Mexican version. Rather than bagpipes, it has the tuba in the horn section. He comes out to that shit. The fucking place goes nuts.

It was, I was like, who the fuck is this guy? And then they got that guy from the Red Sox. I forget his name, with the glasses who made the crybaby face.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's out. They got a fun fun take on like a lot of like uh like personalities well you know a lot of comedians that i've met want to be rock stars every fucking comedian that i know good top high low all there's always a guy's like i wanted to be a fucking musician for me. Somebody goes, comedians want to be rock stars. Rock stars want to be comedians. I'm like, fuck that. I'm a comedian. I'll be an athlete. I fucking dude, that shit to me. Like I remember, I got a great story. I was in Connecticut doing some fucking bar show years ago, young,

and we walked over next door to a bar and I get a Corona. There's this black dude in a suit. He's probably like six, eight, six, nine. And I just fucking looked at him and he was sitting there with a drink by himself, dressed to the nines and the fucking pistons are playing the Spurs in the

championship. And this is the series. I believe this is the series that the Spurs won. And I see this tall black dude, like I said, I want to guess where was his fro? Was it down to the skin? Was it here? Mark Aguirre? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It was before this. So I just go up to him and I go, Hey man, I go, what? Mark Aguirre lives in Westchester. He plays golf over here. How funny is that? So I go, I go, man, I go, how tall are you? He goes six, nine. I go, what? Mark. Mark Aguirre lives in Westchester. He plays golf over here. How funny is that? So I go, I go, man, I go, how tall are you? Go six, nine. I go, you play basketball.

I go, where'd you play basketball at college? And he goes, oh, no, I never played college. And I went to the pros and I go, oh, shit. Oh, OK. And I go, Moses Malone. I go, what's your name? Daryl Dawkins. No, I go, what's your name? What's your name? Daryl Dawkins. No, I go, what's your name? And he goes, as a gentleman as could be, he goes, Connie Hawkins. Dude, Connie fucking Hawkins.

And he's got trouble for fucking gambling. And I looked at the thing. I go, who's winning this one? I go, the Pistons or the Spurs. And I'm pretty sure he goes, oh, they got a good team. But that Duncan, he says something about Duncan or something, dude. And I was just sitting there and I'm pretty sure he goes out I got a good team but that Duncan he says something about Duncan or something dude and I was just sitting there and I'm going holy shit he was by himself we started talking I'm going it's fucking Connie Hawkins dude like that's a fucking he's a he was a fucking animal dude he was an animal for my time I remember that name but that was about

a good that's like would they play like back with like jojo white dave cowens that era yeah hold on i'm gonna andrew look up um look up what year and what and the gambling incident there was a gambling thing yeah um basketball yeah there was a gambling controversy how do you fix basketball it's so unfixable despite the fact that he could not have been involved in point shaving as a freshman due to NCAA rules at the time, he was ineligible to participate in varsity level athletics. He was kept from seeking legal counsel while being grilled by New York City detectives who were investigating the sand scandal. As a result of the investigation, despite never being arrested or indicted hawkins was expelled from iowa he was effectively blackballed from college ranks uh no school would have him nba commissioner jay walter kennedy let it be known he would not approve any contract for hawkins

to play 30 for 30 right there no dude's in all wide-eyed just a kid doesn't know anything and then they're trying to make a case, didn't know to ask for a lawyer. Can you see that? That was Connie, dude. Dude, and he was an animal, dude. He played for the – 60s, 70s? Oh, he's a Hall of Famer.

Yeah, he's a Hall – ABA. So, yeah, it says he joined the Pittsburgh Pipers in the inaugural 67-68 season of the ABA, leading the team to a 54-24 regular season record in the 68 ABA championship. He's a Laker and a Sun, too. So, yeah, so he played with the Pipers when he got in. He was a Phoenix Sun. He was a Los Angeles L son he was a los angeles

laker and a hall of famer but he had college uh that that's when like the gambling shit which now all the older kids were shaving points and he came in and he was guilty by association that's terrible yeah but he was so nice and he passed away what's that i was saying 1969 still recovering from knee injury from his final season at ABA. He hit the ground running with the Phoenix Suns. He played 81 games and averaged 24 points, 10 rebounds, four assists. Yeah. And then, like you said, got knocked out by the Lakers.

Couldn't have been. You know what's funny, Paul? I'm actually a comedian that wants to be a comedian. Even though I play drums, I would never want to be in a fucking band just because first of all no matter how big your band is you're only gonna make like relevant albums for such a small window and then you gotta go out and play fucking greatest hits and if you don't do the same shit every night the crowd gets mad at you and then i feel like athletes too it's just like by the time you're 40 you're done yeah whereas a comedian

you could start at what if chapelle started 15 16 14 15 16 and you could be a comedian your whole life and as long as you stay true to yourself and stay your age, you know, age gracefully, you can still perform to younger crowds. I remember when I was younger and I would watch older comics go on stage, they would think that they needed to act younger to get them. And what that did was just weird the kids out. to get them. And what that did was just weird the kids out. What you have to do is you got to steer into the fact that you're older than them and you just make jokes about that. And then they go,

Oh, this is like my uncle. Honestly. Yeah. Yeah. My dad. I, and you know what,

as much as being a pro athlete, I would rather be a comedian too. And that's what I am because all those flights, Oh, we're going to Orlando tonight. Like because all those flights oh we're going to orlando tonight like after like oh we're going to orlando then we got to go to milwaukee ah shit i'm not gonna see my kids it's like all right yeah like after a couple good games i'd be like we get to travel to go fucking talk shit make people laugh we get to get on an airplane and

go tell a fucking bullshit your job is done in an hour and you always get the ball. You have the ball the whole game. Nobody's going, Paul, give me that mic. I didn't get enough minutes. I didn't get enough minutes. I had to hand the mic. I don't know, dude. I got to be honest with you.

I'm going to come out to Los Angeles because everybody, by the way, thank everybody listening to the show, rating, reviewing the show. The show is moving in the right direction. Everybody loved Bartnick on the show. We had a great episode. The sound was great. The studio was great. I'm going to come out to California more than often like more than i've more often than normal or often more often than normal there you go yeah more often you always mess up the fucking what did i you are awesome then more often than often whatever the fuck you just said you always back into it the wrong way. More than often. More than often. There you go. More than often. I'm going to come out there more than often.

Tell them, Yogi. Yeah. I fuck up sayings and Bill fucks up names. That's how it's always been. That's how it always will be. You've called fucking. I mean, you with names is really funny. Cause you commit fucking you come many. I'll tell you what, you called Mariana Rivera, Manny Rivera.

I know. Got me on that guy. You got me on him and you got me on the, uh, my cousin, my cousin. This guy. No, but my cousin was George Stephanopoulos, but I had the right name. I just had the wrong guy. And they look alike. He goes, dude, dude, we're sitting hammered at the Ranger game.

Hammered. And Burr hits me on the arm. He goes, Burzy, dude, dude, dude, George Stephanopoulos, George Stephanopoulos. It was fucking Jeff Gordon. He was the car racer, Jeff Gordon. Andrew, he said it with such conviction. I'm like, oh, shit.

But you were like overly excited for George Stephanopoulos. And what people said. the car racer jeff andrew he said it with such conviction i'm like oh then i'm like but you were like overly excited for george steppenopoulos and what people that's interesting that's more interesting than jeff gordon like a race car driver that's exciting but this guy was right next to the red phone wrote speeches for clinton yeah you wrote speech yeah you write it i'll say it you write it i'll say it i don't give a fuck i'm gonna get so much poontang let me tell you something women love those columns that looks like an erect white dick just like i'm gonna have for eight years dude that guy that guy would a sink well that's what that's what somebody said somebody goes donald trump how could you say

hillary goes how could you say that doc because i played golf with his with her husband he said worse he stood say what you want as petty as it was for Trump to say that, you know it's true. Yes. Yes. Oh, my God. Can you imagine the audio of those two guys trying to top each other with pussy stories? Wait, I have a better abuse of power pussy story. She played with my ball.

No, no, no. Oh, shit. Yeah, dude. dude those two those two with their story if we could if you could be a fly on the wall with those two drinking whiskey telling fucking war stories dude those two guys should that you should have them chained to the side of a house fucking dogs dude fuck the kardashians and real housewives do a reality show with bill and fucking don i don't want to see that i don't want to see those two idiots i i just you wouldn't watch the pilot i wouldn't want to know that they were actually speaking for the rest of the country for what is it 12 years combined uh dude i I don't know, man. If CBS did a pilot episode of a show called Bill and Donnie, and it was those guys in fucking golf outfits drinking beer.

Dude, I want to get back to like people doing shit because they're the best at it. I can't do the train wrecks anymore, dude. That guy with the candy addiction, he used to, Lamar Odom, fighting a kid who used to be in a fucking boy band. I mean, and then I'm listening to people, hey, did you see the fight last night? Like back in the day, that was like a Hagler fight.

Hey, did you see that guy from the Hollywood Squares went at it with the Price is Right guy? What's going on in our world, dude? What's going on in our world, dude? What's going on in our fucking world? My kids, I'm raising kids in this, and like Miley Cyrus is going to fight fucking Christina Aguilera in fucking three months. Let's just know that it's always been bad, but we were much better with the illusion back in the day.

It's the internet, is what it is. Well, now, yeah, everybody has like a YouTube channel, and dude, you know how you just knew that that fucking fight was i mean first of all they call it an exhibition but the kid who's gonna fight before he's gonna fight he looked like excited and happy like he'd been waiting in line for a

roller coaster he had no concern that this guy is gonna kill me because this shit is just it's already worked out it's worked out because i'll tell you dude i fucking watch i always like when i i watch a professional fight you try to see the person who looks scared or more concerned all of them no matter how fucking you know there is that element of you're doing something where you could literally get killed. People die in the ring. Yeah. And that kid like mouths something. Something like, oh, shit, here we go.

Like it was his turn to go down a water slide. And he's fighting a 6'10 professional athlete. You know, I just didn't fight her. No, no, no, I meant the fucking... Oh, Odom. No, the other one, the other fight, the Mayweather fight, he fought that other guy. Oh, Logan Paul fight.

I'm saying, like, yeah, he was just sitting there, like, he wasn't nervous. No, because it's fake. Yes. It's fake, and Floyd Mayweather's not going to put himself in a... Dude, I'm going to make you look good. I didn't even fucking like... My buddy was like, do you want to watch this?

And I said, no. I didn't watch a minute of it. Not a fucking second. I didn't watch Mayweather versus fucking the UFC guy. I didn't watch that one either. It was stupid. Yeah. It was stupid.

If it was a UFC event, mixed martial martial arts he would have destroyed Mayweather I it was better that they made it boxing because Mayweather could make it look good but the other thing I actually watched the one with the blonde haired kid just because my buddy had the fight my you know I thought of a nice night bring my wife over and you know but I i felt dude i swear to god it was round six round six i had my head back and the only reason why i didn't fall asleep because i was at somebody's house it was oh boy it was so fucking boring that's what happens dude what happens is when you're in your 40s this is what i learned when you're in your 40s you yawn what I learned. When you're in your forties, you yawn a lot. I remember when I was in my thirties, all my friends in their forties would yawn a lot. When you're in your fifties, if the head goes back on a couch, there's a 60% chance the eyes closed. They're fucking out, dude. No, it's part of the same thing. Like those dolls. Remember those dolls you get? It's just to have a doll. If I put the head back, the eyes went down. If the head

comes forward, they open back up. That's how it works. I did Fighter and the Kid podcast when I was out in California. And Brendan Shaw, who's an ex-UFC fighter, we were talking about this. And I said, Brendan, when you watch your friends now that are fighting, can you see their face walk into the ring? Because, you know, me and you were big on like, remember the football teams we would watch come out and warm up. I'm really big on like somebody's body language and shit. And he goes, he goes, if it's my friend, he goes, like, if it's my friend, he goes, oh shit, dude, he's nervous. Or like, if it's, if it's like, like if you're an ex fighter, but some guys come in looking concerned and then they fuck people up.

Like Tyson looked. When Tyson, there was a time where Tyson would like, they said he would start crying and then it would turn into rage in the locker room. In the locker room. By the time he walked down, he said he was a god. A god. Dude, you know how fucking, dude, look at Spinks' face when Tyson's just going side by side and Tyson's just staring at him.

It was over, dude. It was fucking over. UFC, you can't really tell because a lot of these guys have a, they got the mouthpiece in, they just kind of go in there. But he said some guys he could see. He said some guys you know are going to win or not. Shout out to Giannis Pappas who's fucking called the lastcgregor fight he goes dude he's nervous look at him he's overcompensating and he was right he was right but yeah i don't know i don't know i just i like to watch professionals yeah and you know what shame on boxing shame on boxing for allowing this the

reason why is because the u.s how do you it, dude? This is just an independent thing. It's not their fault. No, what it is is, and somebody got mad at the last time I said this. They go, Paul, if you're not seeing relevant boxing matches, you're not a fan. Pay attention. When did fucking Tyson Fury, when Floyd Mayweather fighting a YouTube star is the biggest thing people are talking about boxing. That's the problem. The UFC puts on an event every Saturday.

I could fucking have friends over every Saturday and there's a decent card where you could watch it where boxing, you got to go over to a buddy's house who goes, Oh dude, I got fucking, you know, Aaron Carter is fighting fucking Lamar Odom. I mean, it's a joke. It's a fucking joke, man. It's like, because boxing guys can duck. Boxing is, is easily more easily manipulated than the UFC. You know, Dana white dude, what that guy's the fuck, the best has to fight the best in the rankings. Boxing doesn't do that.

Well, I mean, when there's a monopoly on a sport, it's, it's good for the fans. It's good for the fans. If there's a monopoly, it's good for the fans it's good for the fans if there's a monopoly that's not good for the performers because it's like having one bank this is what the interest rate is go fuck yourself there's nothing competitive about it

it's like everything there's got to be a balance to it I don't fucking know I got a thing I got to go do a voice over here and uh so i gotta get ready to go it's my uh my my daughter's uh last day of school today so they're all going out to get ice cream i gotta knock out this uh voice over and then i'm gonna try to catch up with them well you just you just stole my thunder. I was just going to say, guys, this has been a great episode. No, guys. Guys, thank you guys so much for listening to the show. Check out our other shows, Bill's Monday Morning Podcast, my VersiEffect podcast. Check out all the dates on the sites. We have dates coming up. You could go to the websites for that. Please subscribe to Anything Better on the Anything Better YouTube channel. Like I said, rate, review, it makes the show go up. Get me on my YouTube channel.

Check out all the dates we're going to be performing at. This has been episode 20. Until next week, we are out of here. I think that's it, right guys? That is it. That's it. I got Vegas coming up July 3rd, the Cosmo, Paul, and 2nd. July 2nd and 3rd. Okay. July 2nd and 3rd. Check Bill out there at the Cosmo, July 2nd and 3rd. And check me out at the Fairfield Community Theater, July 23rd,

for the Connecticut Comedy Festival. I'll be there. Until next week, we are out of here, guys. Talk to you soon. Really quick, Paul. Do the Brooklyn Nets win that series. I think unfortunately, I think unfortunately they're going to win the series in seven because the

game to win last night, the game for the bucks to win was last night when they were up 16 and Durant put on an absolute Durant put on one of the greatest performance I've ever seen. And now they got to go to Milwaukee. Milwaukee's going to tie it at three in game six, and then they're going to have a game seven with a possible Kyrie back. So I think Brooklyn's going to win this series. Paul Verzi going against the Greek freak, as you say.

Yeah, you know, it's a sin. Or against his own blood. It's a sin. All right. All right, that's it, everybody. We'll see you on the next episode episode 21 who's that who's 21 dion oh fuck yeah i almost said tiki barbara got you know honorable mention for number 20 frank robinson that's not an honorable mention oh that's we should have had that. Shame on us. Shame on us. That was like one of those no batting glove guys who still hit like no steroids, no batting gloves.

The fucking pitcher was like 10 feet higher in the air, Bob Gibson. Well, he was in the other league. He was in the National League. But that guy, he went up against some major, major, major. So no honorable mention. Frank Robinson. Yeah, we always got to have one old school one in there yeah because there's going to be a fan going hey last week no offense but you fucked up

because people should know paul i should know about in america before batting gloves and steroids and hgh and botox yeah and people that hate barry sanders what the fuck you know viking fans fuck me somebody retires you give it up to him there's nobody in boston that still fucking hates derrick jeter if they do it's it's has to do with their childhood it's over don't worry you're one of the greatest ever and it was a privilege to watch yeah he was fucking great he cracked jokes at the plate. You guys love Derek. That's why he loved playing there.

He said it was his favorite place. Yeah, we had a great time. Well, you know, we're fucking great fans, Paul. We actually know the game. Mike Francesa said the best baseball fan. Paul, we actually know the game. I want you to hear that. We know the game.

No, I was just giving you a compliment. I was just telling you. Oh, hey, fucking. Mike Francesa. We're going to clap to you. Look at us. Listen. I'm fucking telling you. Oh, hey. Mike Francesa. We're going to clap to you. Look at us. Listen. I'm fucking with you.

Mike Francesa said it's the best baseball market. He's a diehard Yankee fan. He's a diehard New Yorker. He goes, the best baseball market is just Boston. It's just what it is. And fans were losing their shit. And he was just like, you're a dummy. It is.

And you didn't say Jorge Posada, who also wore number 20 so i just want to say we didn't listen listen jorge pesada is an honorable mention he's not frank robinson but jorge pesada man a champion a great catcher for us for many years kid came up to the group and one thing about jorge pesada okay don't get it fucking twisted the kid came up with no batting gloves ever. Nobody did that. That kid came up hand to wood, hand to fucking wood. And not a lot of guys did that. Just like Frank.

Yeah, just like Frank. Yeah, just like Frank. You didn't like that. You're like, yeah. No, no, no, no. Just like Frank. It was old times. They didn't have all the gear they have now. That's what I'm saying.

I'm saying he's an old school guy. I'm agreeing with you. Jesus, Paul. Yeah, yeah. No, no. Frank didn't have to come in there is my point. Frank didn't need to be. I gave Frank the problem.

I felt it. You were offended by that. No, I was not. Frank Robinson. I mean, I think Jorge would be nice to be attached to Frank Robinson. You took a fence. Oh, I see what you were doing. Okay, okay.

I was doing, I thought the other way. I apologize. You took it in a negative way. I took it as like, yeah. What's going on with you? No, we established. You're socially positive. And all of a sudden, I mean,

I throw in a fucking Hall of Famer's name. You just sounded like a friend of ours. I, I, I, I, I, I. I'm a mom. Bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, We're out of here. All right. We'll see you.