Anything Better? - Live from Vegas: Super Bowl Friday
Episode Date: February 10, 2024Bill and Paul are live from Brad Garrett's Comedy Club at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas, Nevada.  The guys make picks, talk shit, and banter with the audience. Bet $5 Get $158 with code BURR Instantly ...Place your first BetMGM Sportsbook wager through BetMGM Sportsbook mobile application of at least $5. You will receive $158 instantly in additional winnings regardless of your wager’s outcome! Download the BetMGM Sportsbook app on iOS or Android, or visit betmgm.com. Sign up and deposit at least $5 into your newly created account. Place a wager in the amount of at least $5 at standard odds price. Once you have placed a bet, you will receive $158 in Bonus Bets regardless of the outcome of your wager! www.betmgmg.com Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER (Available in the US) Call 877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY) Call 1-800-327-5050 (MA) 21+ only. Please Gamble Responsibly. Call 1-800-NEXT-STEP (AZ), 1-800-BETS-OFF (IA), 1-800-270-7117 for confidential help (MI), 1-800-981-0023 (PR). First Bet Offer for new customers only. In partnership with Kansas Crossing Casino and Hotel.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Gentlemen, please put your hands together for Paul Verzi and Bill Burr.
All right, how are you?
What's up, everybody?
Thank you for coming out.
I like Andrew.
You're hitting him with the rules in the beginning.
Don't vape, don't take out your phone.
Thank you guys so much for coming out. Listen to the podcast.
Appreciate you guys being here
for the second live show we've ever done here.
Don't expose yourselves.
All these Vegas
rules. What's up, you fellow degenerates?
How's it going?
Alright. Well, thank you
very much. We are very excited
for this Super
Bowl thing. Usually I don't go to the Super Bowl.
It's a shit show.
We've seen them.
We've seen all the fatties waddling down the fucking street out there.
That's what's going to be passing out on you during those long commercial breaks of the game.
Did we make anybody money this year?
Did anybody make money off of our picks at all this year?
Three people. Fuck you. Then watch the show. Fuck you. I'm up 17 games on the book. Fuck
you. You should have taken my picks. Yeah, just do what he's doing. Whatever he's doing,
he's killing it. I just asked if we made you money. The guy booed. What a dick. Fucking
asshole. I'm trying to help you make money. Keep doing your shitty picks, you fucking
cokehead. All right. we've set the tone.
I guess this is how
it's going to go. I'm sorry. It's just, you know,
I tried to help.
You know what this reminds me of? When I lost my
license for drinking and driving.
For some reason, they made you go to a MAD
meeting. Mothers Against Drinking
and Driving. And they had mothers who lost
their kids or spouse
to drunk drivers. so i thought it was
gonna be a bunch of mothers yelling at me and it was the opposite i showed up it was a room full
of convicted drunk drivers and this mother trying to tell her story as all the drivers were bitching
about their cases going i blew a.08 you know i drive for a living. And she's going like,
man, he was changing a tire.
Oh, is that too dark
for you, Vegas? Sorry.
All right, it's the early show.
It's the early show.
They're going to take my painting down
after that story.
Put a Hitler mustache on it.
What do we got? We want to feel the room here.
How many Chief fans?
We got Chief fans here?
How many?
There you go
Oh, this is Niners
Niners?
A lot of 49er fans here
Alright
Lions, there you go
You should have won
You should have fucking won
You should have won
Anybody who thinks
You don't take the points
From the 28 yard line
Is fucking retarded.
Okay?
Yeah.
Yeah, you play Madden.
That's why you said that.
Go for it on fourth and 14.
That's what he did all year.
It's not all year.
You're in the championship game to go.
And San Francisco just went up.
They cut it to two scores.
And now the Lions are on the 28-yard line.
You kick the field goal.
You go back up three scores, 17.
Dan Campbell.
It's called upper deck coaching.
Like when the head coach is agreeing with some drunk in the last row.
Dude, I'd fucking go for it.
It's how I've always lived my life.
And look at me.
He's up there with like the team flag.
It's like, you don't listen to that guy.
That's not the guy.
He owns an auto body shop.
He's fucking.
No, he used to.
Lost it in a divorce.
Fucking bitch.
One of those guys.
Two drinks later.
All right, I fucked around on her.
There it is.
There it is.
All right.
I feel for you, dude. Yeah. I mean, it was a, you know, it's a crazy year. Who would have thought, you know, I'm a Patriots
fan. I know you guys all fucking love me. There you go. There you go. I know. I know
we were super successful and your team wasn't. Sorry.
It's kind of funny watching the Chiefs be successful,
and now they're getting the same shit.
Oh, they're cheating.
The refs like them.
They hold on every play.
All that whining.
It is kind of hard.
At least Tom, you know, ran like a man.
You know, it's a little difficult to watch a guy who looks like he's running on hot sand, like kicking your ass every week, you know?
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
First down.
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
This is so cool you guys came.
Salute everybody.
This is fucking awesome, man.
This is awesome.
It is.
I don't know where you guys are staying.
I'm staying over at the Bellagio.
So I call up for room service.
They're like, hi, thank you for calling.
The big whole fucking intro, right?
She goes, what can I do for you?
I go, I'd like to order food to the room.
She goes, okay, it's going to be like 90 minutes, though.
Is that okay?
And I'm like, no, that's horrific.
And I go, but I get it. It's not you. They're running a skeleton crew because the CEOs want to try to buy a bigger yacht, right? So they
can do blow with their whores. And she goes, thank you. Only you would say that to a fucking
room service. You never yell at the person that answers the phone. They're not the problem.
Only you would do that.
It's that guy going to Epstein Island, right?
Yeah.
I love how all you guys were excited that the list,
all those idiots,
dude, the list is coming out.
That list, people are going to get in trouble.
It's like, what was the point of killing that guy
if there was going to be a list, right?
When they shot Oswald, was there a list?
Oh, the four guys on the grassy knoll.
It was Mark, Eddie,
that's it.
He's dead.
You're never going to find out.
It's over, all right?
It's another one that you lost.
Anyway, it's Super Bowl weekend, everybody.
anyway it's Super Bowl weekend everybody dude what about you tell them they ran into Bill Clinton they asked about Epstein Island
hey man about Epstein Island he starts smiling oh that was the best he's going like oh I mean
that was proven it was proven yeah I think but yeah who says did you fuck a 12-year-old and you start smiling?
Like, ha, ha, ha.
Like, Paul. No, he said, I think the evidence shows that he just smiled.
Paul, what's your favorite story about your dog?
Like, the same reaction.
What a psycho, you know?
Oh, shit.
Used a woman's vagina as a humidor.
I mean, this is, this is, what kind of a man does that?
It's a sports podcast, everybody.
I'm feeling...
You know what?
You know what this is, Paul?
There's a little bit of wholesomeness.
Yeah.
Because it's the Midwest.
You know what I mean?
So I'm kind of feeling that a little bit.
So maybe we should dial it back.
You know?
No?
All right.
Okay.
Well, I don't know.
I'm trying to read the room here.
Relax, buddy.
He's joking.
This guy's taking it seriously.
This guy goes, no!
No, no, no.
No, don't yell at him.
I said to pull it back, and he said no.
That's all.
I mean, he lives in San Francisco.
I mean, they got like...
Oh, wrong guy?
Oh, sorry.
I was going to make fun of San Francisco.
Dude, you look like you fuck people Out of money for a living
Look at this guy
Doesn't he
Oh that guy
This guy
This guy
What do you do
Finance
Is it finance
What do you do
It's finance isn't it
Fuck you it's finance
He's not saying anything
It's finance
I knew it dude
You got a head start
He's not saying
Leave him alone
Whatever it is
He's not at liberty
To discuss
That's what that face says
He's kinda like
Arms dealer Alright let's not at liberty to discuss. That's what that face says. He's kind of like, arms dealer?
Alright, let's not...
Taylor Swift is a fucking gangster, man.
She is.
Wait, we can't blow over.
I want to know what the fuck this guy does.
Paul, you're Italian.
Don't you know when to let it go?
You of all people.
I'll tell you,
if your people are still running this town,
I'm not waiting 90 minutes for chicken wings and a salad
That's for sure
That's 100%
When the mood hits your eye
Like a big pizza pie
Put on a sport coat
That was your big thing
Italians do it better
Depends on what you're talking about
One guy, bald guy, love this guy
They do, you do food better, corruption,
making your daughter
feel less than because she's not a male
to carry on
the family name.
If we're going to talk about it, you've got to talk about all of it.
Unbelievable cuisine.
Your desserts.
Those dry cookies. I don't know about that.
You always do that. You make octopus taste good. You can't know about that. You always do that.
You make octopus taste
good. You can't make a good cookie. It doesn't make
any fucking sense. Dude, a
rainbow cookie is fucking delicious. I'm a rainbow
cookie guy, dude. Hey, Paul,
more ways than one. All right, hey, let's
keep it moving here. All right.
Paul's coming out here in June to play the
fucking Mirage.
It's a gay pride joke.
Nobody got it.
I'm sorry.
Somebody got it.
All right.
So anyway, before we get into the football, Valentine's Day is coming up.
Yeah.
Huh?
Yeah, it's pathetic.
Every fucking commercial is some guy giving his girlfriend or his wife some shit.
It's like, aren't we in the relationship too?
Like, I'm sitting here racking my brain.
What am I going to get my wife?
Do you think she's even fucking...
I'm going to have to remind her that it's Valentine's Day.
Bill, because they don't give a fuck.
They don't.
They never did.
Never did.
That's the scariest thing he's ever said to me.
What?
I said, you know, I was getting into it with my wife one time.
I was like, you know what?
She doesn't give a fuck. And I was like, you know, none of them give a fuck. And then he said the me. What? I said, you know, I was getting into it with my wife one time. I was like, you know what? She doesn't give a fuck.
And I was like, you know,
none of them give a fuck.
And then he said the worst.
He goes, never did.
Which meant the whole thing
was a lie.
Like, I believed
in the romance of it.
You got so quiet,
you go, dude, come on, man.
Yeah, you can't go that dark.
They don't give a fuck.
All right, we just...
I think there's a lot of people
on dates here
Let's try to stay away from that
This is date shit
It's nice though
Maybe a couple of months
You get her something shiny
You still feel the love
You feel insecure
I'm married 17 years
I can see it
I'm in Vegas she's not here
My wife actually Really wanted to go I can see it. I'm in Vegas. She's not here.
No, my wife actually really wanted to go.
And I told her that she couldn't go.
That's fucking... You know something?
Yeah, because I wasn't going to be the guy that brings his wife.
Yeah, you can't.
You know?
You can't do that.
You just can't.
You can't be that guy.
I told her that.
I said, you know, you want to come back with me?
We'll go see Donny Marie or whatever
it is you want to do.
Down at the Flamingo, right?
Go see Taylor Swift.
There you go. Taylor Swift.
Taylor Swift for the win there.
Alright. I actually
wrote down names so I don't fuck this
stuff up as far
as getting into the Super Bowl.
I'm actually, this is the first Super
Bowl I've been, I've only been to two Super
Bowls. I went 97
for the 96 season
when my Patriots played the
Green Bay Packers. Remember the Brett
Favre game? Yeah.
There you go. You're
on the team, right? You're making all those decisions,
aren't you?
You hear what she said? She goes, I have two shares. There you go. Yeah, there you go. You're on the team, right? You're making all those decisions, aren't you? You know?
You hear what she said?
She goes, I have two shares.
Two shares.
I got two shares.
I put those two shares of getting Aaron Rodgers the fuck out of town.
Yeah.
And then I went the next time we played against the Rams,
and I got to watch us win it on the first one.
And then I was thinking, like, I'm going to go every single time the
Patriots go. And then the next time we played, I was doing the Chappelle show the next day. Remember
the World Series of Dice? And I couldn't go. And I was really upset. But when I watched the game,
when the game was over and I didn't have to get on a flight and I still had two grand in my pocket,
I was like, that wasn't bad. That wasn't. and I even watched it on a 27-inch square TV.
So I haven't been back
since, and I'm pretty excited because
I've never seen Patrick Mahomes play.
So I figure if the Chiefs win,
he win his third, he's automatically in the
Hall of Fame. The 49ers
win, right? You wake it back
up again, and they become the third team ever to
win six, right? And then does Brock Purdy,
does Brock Purdy begin this whole thing?
Who knows?
I will tell you this, though.
This bullshit calling Kansas City a fucking dynasty because they've won some AFC championship games.
You said it, Bright.
Like, were the Bills a dynasty in the early 90s?
No.
They won four in a row.
Yeah.
What's the matter?
All right.
Wait a minute. Sir. What the fuck was? Alright Wait a minute
Sir
What the fuck was that?
Wait a second
No no no
What the fuck was that?
She didn't say anything
She didn't say anything
You gotta dump this guy
That guy is a rat
I was gonna say
You just put her on blast
For minding her own fucking business
That is a rat right there
Look at you getting upset for somebody
Huh? You're an idiot Is what you are There's a rat right there. Look at you getting upset for somebody.
Huh?
You're an idiot is what you are.
Yeah.
Jesus Christ.
If she's driving drunk later when the cop comes up to the window,
he'll be like, oh!
Holding up the empties.
Oh! He's a fucking rat. Might as well put the cuffs on right now. Holding up the empties.
He's a fucking rat.
Might as well put the cuffs on right now.
Wow.
Thank God you showed up.
I thought we were going to die.
He's pointing at her.
You're going to jail.
You're going to jail.
I'm sure he's sensitive and listens to you.
All right.
There we go. Happy Valentine's Day.
There we go. We came's Day. There we go.
We came out the other way.
Now, we talk about the season, Paul.
Paul Verzi, once again, you beat the book.
Three years in a row, champion.
Three years in a row.
You're looking at a dynasty right here.
I'm probably the best handicapper in America, to be honest with you.
No, fuck it.
I'll say it.
I mean, I did it three years in a row.
Four games a week. Four games a week against the spread. This guy's all about money. How much you win. No, fuck it. I'll say it. I mean, I did it three years in a row. Four games a week.
Four games a week
against the spread.
This guy's all about
money.
How much you win.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
You don't say
what you do for a living.
Out of respect,
we shut up,
and now you're
going to start
asking questions?
About money.
Like you work
for the feds?
See, I said
he was in finance.
He goes, I need a bottom line, fellas.
Nobody talks like that.
I got this guy.
I do.
Stop acting like you're mysterious.
You don't have me.
I know you're not.
We're not in Casablanca, dude.
You're in Vegas.
All right?
I'm piecing it together. You're the successful guy of the
family. He didn't quite do it honestly. People resent you and your family. You're trying your
best during the holidays. All right. She just patted you on the shoulder. Sir, I didn't want to be involved. I knew when to walk away. Alright?
I don't know. He's trying to be clever. Sir, you know what, buddy?
It was our fault. We shouldn't talk to you ever.
Alright? We're just going to... We want to have an entertaining show here.
Anyway,
who did you ride this year? Okay, we're going to ask people here.
Who was your ride or die pick
this year that won you your money?
Falcons.
Falcons.
Detroit Lions.
Detroit Lions were mine.
Detroit Lions were the money maker this year for sure.
What about the Texans?
Before anybody knew, the Texans were good.
They were fun.
Texans were good.
All right, who fucked you this year?
Buffalo Bills.
Buffalo Bills is a good one.
Pittsburgh Steelers. Pittsburgh Steelers Pittsburgh Steelers
If I bet them they didn't show up
If I bet against them they lost
I did it for like four weeks in a row and I finally walked away
49ers too wouldn't cover for me
Chargers fucked I took the Chargers way too much
Should have been better
Justin Herbert they should have been better
Eckler Herbert yeah
Fuck the Cowboys I'm, Paul. Fuck the Cowboys.
I'm done with them. Fuck the
Cowboys. America's
team, really? How many first round exits
is it going to take
for people to say fuck them? What they mean by
America's team, Paul, is that they
have fans in every city. That's how
they became America's team. Like, they went around
and everybody reeled. And they had the
prettiest cheerleaders. And they had
Captain America as their
quarterback. That's how it started.
And you guys were just up there
playing football on top of
Jimmy Hoffa. And you weren't
winning anything. And
nobody cared. You weren't even like, the Giants
were so bad they wouldn't even let you play in
New York. They sent you out to
New Jersey.
You literally, it's like
you got a duplex with the Jets.
You know what I mean?
The Jets live in the back half.
You live in the front half. You're smelling each other's food.
You're hearing the arguments.
You're a dick because I wanted to go in
and you said that I'm like, fuck, he's right.
The second you win the game, the second the last
giant walks out, they're going to start putting up the green shit. I mean, the second you win the game, the second the last giant walks out,
they're going to start putting up the green shit.
I mean, it's fucking bizarre.
It's like a Hollywood set.
He's right.
Haven't you guys won enough?
And you know that I hate its jersey, too.
I know, you hate New Jersey.
I do.
But you know what?
I say it's very environmentally conscious.
Yeah, because it's beautiful and smells great.
Fuck you.
It actually is a beautiful state.
You just drive to Newark Airport,
and you go by Ikea and those chemical plants,
and you think it's terrible.
The thing about you, Paul,
is you think you're a cut above,
but you're in the mud, dude.
You're in the mud with the rest of us.
You're an animal.
How did we get here from fuck the cowboys?
Because I just wanted to get you going can i get another one of these
oh boy here we go a little casamigos casamigos soda lime please all right
hey paul we're gambling we're playing a little golf tomorrow right playing golf tomorrow
playing a little golf we're staying away from other shit doing some parlay bets we've been
invited to you guys going to any of these parties out here.
I'm too old for those things.
The second I hear there's a surprise DJ, that's it.
That is a fucking deal breaker.
I don't understand DJs.
It's like if someone's talking loud on a fucking cell phone and you're not in the conversation,
it's one of the most annoying things ever.
But these jerk-offs show up with their record collections.
Don't even ask you what you want to hear.
And their whole mission is to kill any bit of conversation or fun in the room.
And just punish you.
You either start dancing or you fucking leave.
It's just like, I don't want to be involved in that.
What if I happen to have a nice little jazz trio?
And some sad drunk woman
scat singing in the corner?
What's that?
What do I recommend as far as what?
As far as going out?
Dude, first of all, I don't drink anymore.
But if I did, I would go to O'Shea's.
You go down to O'Shea's.
The fucking booze cost
what it should
you go in there
you can chat up some ladies
from the greatest generation
ask about the airplanes
they put rivets in
in World War II
and you can
you can drink a Coors Light
for like 75 cents.
You can play Dalek craps.
That's where you go, all right?
If you're feeling a little adventurous, you go to the Flamingo, all right?
You get that, you know, former cheerleader captain, you know, from 1978,
class of 79, you know, full bush, right?
Going old school, all right?
Full bush Right
Going old school
Alright
Then if you want to get more
Into the modern age
I love this guy
You by yourself man
Just fucking confident
With the hat
This guy
He's got the hat
He's got a vibe
He's got a vibe
Look at that shark tooth
He killed that fucking shark
Remember that time
That shark bit the fucking arm Off that kid and the guy grabbed the shark?
This guy's dead.
Brought it and he took the arm out of the shark.
It might be this guy.
For all you know.
Who do you got Sunday?
But I'm saying the Giants are playing.
So your money's on the Chiefs?
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, that kind of makes sense to me.
There was no confidence in that, though.
I mean, he definitely backed into that pick.
He went a little Rain Man there.
You're not a big sports guy, like not a big football guy, are you?
No, not that I'm worried about where you're going.
Yeah, okay, yeah, I could tell.
Yeah.
All right.
I could tell, yeah.
How many people here
just won tickets to this show
and have like no idea
what this is?
I'm just,
as far as sitting here,
just wondering.
Okay.
But you know,
but you knew.
Just wondering.
No, I'm just wondering.
Okay, they knew.
Okay.
He looks like he's here
via like Honolulu.
This guy does not have,
I'm a New York Giants,
that hat says sunshine to me.
I don't know what that, that's, you're somewhere in the southwest.
Texas.
From Texas, you're a Giants fan, you're in Vegas by yourself.
You got a tooth around your neck.
What's going on with you?
Is there anybody looking for you that we need to know?
Okay, all right.
Are you employed?
What do you do, man?
Are you employed?
What do you do?
You do security?
No, finance.
The default answer. All right, well, let's get into something here, Paul.
All right, let's do some topics here.
Well, people are going to want to know what you think about Belichick.
Oh, Belichick.
Homeless. This is what I you think about Belichick. Oh, Belichick. Homeless.
This is what I do like about Belichick.
I do like how quickly it ended, and then they immediately had the coach.
They ripped the Band-Aid off.
I mean, it just happens.
I'm still shocked that it happened, but it's kind of weird that nobody picked him up.
I know Atlanta wanted him, but I think he went down there and just saw where the organization was at.
And it's like, I'm 72.
I don't have enough left on the odometer to turn this bus around.
So I thought he was maybe going to go to San Diego.
That's what I thought.
With a healthy Justin Herbert, they got a decent defense.
Huh?
You don't want Jim Harbaugh?
That's my favorite thing about doing sports.
The funniest thing about doing a sports podcast or talking any sports is you could be saying anything,
and there's just one voice going, fuck that dick.
Overrated.
How do you like Jim Harbaugh in San Diego, Paul?
You know that I love Herbert
I think Herbert's one of the best
And I think Harbaugh's gonna get the best out of him
I think the Chargers are gonna be better with him
Alright, I don't know how he's fucking overrated
He just won a championship
He was suspended for three games
Are you an Ohio State fan?
Are you an Ohio State fan?
Alright Ohio State guy That Are you an Ohio State fan? All right.
Ohio State guy.
Like, that suspension worked in your favor, and you still couldn't beat him.
So I know you guys are known for being babies, but, you know, you should probably let that one go.
They want it fair and square.
So, I don't know.
That's all I can say.
You know what I love about Belichick?
I think he should have stayed at Michigan.
I think being a legacy coach, you know, like what Saban did at Alabama.
Yeah.
I mean, there's no way, no matter what he does in San Diego,
are they going to make a statue for Jim Harbaugh?
It's just not going to.
If you didn't make one for Don Correale, you're not going to get.
Like, nobody gets his statue
at the pro level.
Maybe Vince...
What's his face?
Vince Lombardi.
I'm old. I can't remember his fucking names anymore.
Didn't Belichick get caught
leaving a chick's house?
Can I ask you a question?
That's the best. How is that any of my business? I love that. chick get caught like leaving a chick's house like with this can i ask you a question best
how is that any of my business no but that's the i love that it's not my business any more than
when that ohio state guy went to the hooters and that chick with the little tight buns was rubbing
it on his dick right and then it's all about him it's like what about her she knew he was married
no i'm saying i love it i love love what? Going to a Hooters?
I love that even at his level of success,
he still sneaks out after getting pussed.
It's fucking incredible.
You think he snuck out?
He probably gave it to a straight.
He probably just sitting there going,
you know, I think that was great.
You suck a really good dick.
I think that was great.
You suck a really good dick.
I've got to go home now because I've got to get prepared
for next weekend.
Right now it's all about the Jaguars.
Right now it's all about
the next waitress in the next town.
I've got to take her
just as seriously as I took you.
What else, Andrew?
What other hot topics we got?
A little off of NFL,
but your Knicks.
Your Knicks are doing all right.
Fuck yeah.
New York Knicks.
We're going to Eastern Conference Finals this year, I think.
No.
No.
I do think that you will upset someone
You could possibly upset somebody
In the first Eastern Conference final
What is that, 30 rounds in the NBA?
How many rounds you got to go to get to Eastern Conference finals?
Yeah, but would you say bucks?
No, listen, man
I've been a delusional Knicks fan for a very long time
And I know that
So nothing I say
Until they win
You know what I mean? I told you that day, I say until they win they have to
you know what I mean
Mets, Jets, Knicks
I told you that day
I didn't like what the Celtics did
they played the Lakers at home
they should have just
destroyed them
LeBron and AD
weren't playing
right
and this guy goes
they lost
like I didn't know that
was the point
they lost
oh shit
sorry my ticker's
going really slow
I'm a week behind
yeah yeah
it's like he literally just went right to the punchline
To get to the other side
It's just like, can I get to the chicken like fucking
That's a guy that stares at his fucking phone all day
And just death scrolls and everything
Just get to the end, Fast forward. Fast forward.
Running the credits.
Want to watch the next episode?
Yes.
Yeah, no.
They didn't fucking show up.
And the Lakers did.
And we were like 15-point favorites.
We were down by 15 the whole game and lost by nine.
And that's just not a killer instinct.
That's a bad loss that you could turn into some sort of momentum.
But that's the type of shit.
I fucking hate the regular season in all sports
because everybody sits there and acts like it
means something and you're doing all of
this shit like the Lions
that's why we played all year
against a lot of teams that aren't going to be
there in January you can't do that shit
against the fucking 49ers
you can't do that and this is the thing
it's true
what's the booing they literally lost Can't do that. And this is the thing with like... It's true.
What's the booing?
They literally lost.
The 49er fans were sitting in their seats.
The second they decided to go for it. Yes.
They never sat down the rest of the game.
You had them done.
The wine and cheese crowd.
They were thinking about the traffic.
How much they paid for their tickets. You had them done. The wine and cheese crowd, they were thinking about the traffic,
how much they paid for their tickets.
Leaving that roller coaster, that recycled roller coaster,
they turned into a fucking stadium in the middle of nowhere.
They were already on the BART, Paul.
That's right.
And he fucking went for it, didn't fucking get it.
They never sat down again Never sat down again
So anyway
Yeah
I remember like back in the day
Like when there was a big
Who's better Brady
Or Peyton Manning
And Peyton Manning
For the longest time
Was the guy in November
If you wanted 500 yards
Against the fucking Jaguars
Like that was your guy
But come January
He would be one and done
Yeah
Threw a pick
That's the thing I hate to talk bad about Peyton Manning Because I love and done. Yeah. Threw a pick six. That's the thing.
I hate to talk bad about Peyton Manning because I love him.
But Peyton Manning threw a pick six to lose a Super Bowl.
I'll take Eli Manning over Peyton Manning in a big game any day of the week.
You have to.
You have to.
Boo?
Really?
Boo?
Boo?
No, you have to.
He beat Brady and Belichick twice.
You saw his rap, right?
It was fucking hilarious.
Yeah. I don't know. Belichick twice. You saw his rap, right? It was fucking hilarious.
I don't know. I am not a big
believer in the
regular season. I mean, I'll just look at
what you did against people that are going to
be there in January. So
what interests me about this game,
the Super Bowl, is
I just feel like the entire
time everybody's been hating on Tony Romo
going oh my god all he does is blow Patrick Mahomes
and it's just
yeah but it's literally like if you could get past your
it's amazing though how well he sees
the game versus how well he played
like that's what I don't get
he literally says
what's going to happen
he's like I'm telling you right now the corner's going to pull up his left sock,
and then this is going to happen.
This guy's going to go off the thing, and it fucking happens.
And he does.
It's like he's clairvoyant.
Yeah.
He did have like nine quarterback coaches in like 11 years.
But anyway, if you could get past your hatred of Tony Romo, he's been picking winners.
That's what I've been doing.
I just listen to him.
Like, this guy has played professional quarterback.
He's going to know more than a comedian. And I've
just been betting the Chiefs. And right now, I'm just looking
at, why are the Chiefs
getting points? The 49ers,
no offense, have had two bad
playoff games. They should
have kicked the shit out of the Packers.
They should have kicked the shit out of the Lions.
They had to come from behind both times.
They go down against these guys.
What do you think?
Brock Purdy, Patrick Mahomes.
We're going to make our picks at the end of this.
Andy Reid.
What do they got?
They got Kyle Shanahan?
That sounds like a coordinator's name to me.
And he was forever.
They all were.
These guys are all going to get sensitive.
Look, I'm telling you right now.
Yeah, I thought that our fans
or the people listening
to this show were smarter,
but half the people in here
are fucking retarded, man.
Why?
I'm just kidding.
I'm kidding.
They're drinking too, buddy.
I'm fucking real.
Same guy yelling,
I'm fucking around.
Jesus.
You've kind of called
them retarded twice.
Oh, not on your Jordans.
Oh, no. Not your Jordans. Oh, no.
Not your Jordans.
That's true. Are those the Kermit Sevens?
I don't understand. He has on green Jordans. He never played for the Celtics.
Four crafts. Four crafts. And they're
not Celtic green. Don't do that.
I got to be honest with you. I literally
think the sneaker market
is like the world of
art where it's just like i don't
understand like how the value i was watching this this instagram video and this guy shows up he's
got a pair of nikes okay yeah they're basketball sneakers and he's talking to this dude at this
meet and he goes okay oh yeah those yeah right out of the box he goes yeah he goes what do you
want for me he goes 60 grand for sneakers and the guy goes ah goes, yeah. He goes, what do you want for me? He goes, 60 grand for sneakers.
And the guy goes, ah, can't do that, bro.
Can't do that, bro.
He goes, I'll give you 40 cash.
And he goes, all right.
This guy pulls out 40 fucking stack of cash,
gives it to him for fucking sneakers.
It's crazy.
I know somebody that's got a Jordan collection.
They're like, it's going to my kid's college.
They're all going to my kid's college.
And their people spend on them.
Paul, those are beanie babies for adults.
But they're worth something.
That's all.
Right now.
Yeah.
Paul, dump them.
Dump them, okay?
If you have a pair of Stefan Marbury's in your back closet,
put that shit on eBay right now.
If you got some Sedale Threats.
I got some Jamal Wilkes 2s.
Dude, these things are 40 years old.
Is that even a player, Jamal Wilkes?
Jamal Wilkes, come on, man.
He played on that 82 team.
Oh, all right.
It was fucking four.
I'm sorry.
That's fucking great.
Sorry, yeah.
What else, Andrew?
I would say, no, I would say that's like Bitcoin for your feet.
I mean, at some point, it's going to crest, and then you should dump that shit.
No?
No.
You don't think so?
All right.
Anybody here a Barrett Jackson guy?
That's another market I don't understand.
Cars?
Cars, yeah.
Some guy just paid $200,000 for a 78 Ford F-250 crew cab.
Yeah, that thing's maybe worth $60,000.
All right.
We're getting off topic.
All right.
Let's plow ahead here.
Sports pod.
Sports podcast.
Sorry.
What else, Andrew?
What do you got?
We can jump. What? Hockey Golden Knights. Hockey Golden here. Sports pod. Sports podcast. Sorry. What else, Andrew? What do you got? We can jump.
What?
Hockey Golden Knights.
Hockey Golden Knights.
All right.
Well, there's another 400 games.
Well, that's.
And then 19 weeks.
That's something I can't help with.
What were you going to say, Andrew?
I was going to say we could jump to.
Parlay bets?
Yeah, player props.
And then we can go.
All right.
What do you like, Paul?
I like Mahomes 300 plus yards passing.
I like it a lot.
I was going to say...
What's that? It doesn't matter.
Let me ask you something. 270, Paul.
Why? I don't give a fuck what
it is.
You can still take 300.
You can still take 300.
You know that guy in the train that you talk to You can still take $300. You can still take $300. Yeah, but it's...
You know that guy in the train that you talk to and then you're like, I shouldn't have talked to this guy
because he's just going to keep talking to me
for the rest of the fucking ride?
He literally raised his hand at one point.
Like this is some sort of town meeting.
Yeah.
I just...
But I mean, you're so difficult
I don't get it
no but you can
you can
but you can also
bet 300
yeah
you know it all
and it's a risk
that if you
you know it all
yeah
odds go up
huh
good
now you know what it is
you like attention
that's what it is
you like attention
well if you don't want attention
why do you keep chiming in
the reason
why do you keep chiming in
the reason Paul said 300 is because
then you can actually get some money.
It's negative money.
The reason why you take 300 is because you build a parlay
and your odds are better.
That's the whole point.
By the way, I don't know if I said this,
but he did beat the book.
This feels like the Thanksgiving table.
Every year, all they do is talk to her.
No one ever asks me about my life.
Everybody's just trying to pass the mashed potatoes
and he brings up some politician at the table
alright I like Pacheco
to score a touchdown
ok
Pacheco to score a touchdown
alright what about MVP
who likes MVP
who do you like for MVP
no
don't you think they're just going to give it to Mahomes?
Even if.
Even if.
Yeah, like the money on Kelsey is pretty big,
but the reason that he's probably not going to get it
is because if he gets it, the ball's coming from Mahomes.
They're just going to give it to Mahomes anyways.
All right, stop saying Taylor Swift.
We get it.
Yeah. You guys, it's Taylor Swift. We get it.
You guys, it's like, what the fuck?
It's like a joke.
You're just saying the name.
Taylor Swift.
This is what I love about Travis Kelsey is everybody knows he's going to him
and he's open, like wide open
every single game.
I don't understand.
Every single game, it's like,
he thought he had help over the top
and he fucking let him go and he's just running down the field.
Like all by himself.
Every fucking game.
It's like you don't have help over the top.
And even if you do, double cover the guy.
Make him beat him with your second best.
They don't.
Travis Kelsey inexplicably sat down in the zone again. He's got a
fucking chair out there. He does.
He does. Fucking catching nine
passes per quarter. I don't understand
how many times does he have to sit down
in the fucking
zone before you start playing man and
double the guy. Andrew, what's the under over on Kelsey's
catches? Eight?
Six and a half. It's going to be over
that.
Do you agree with that, sir?
Paul, stop with this guy.
Stop with this guy.
All right.
What's another one that we liked?
What about Debo?
Debo's a monster.
We're going to start with Kansas City.
We're going to have some San Francisco shit here.
What about the Jesus freak for San Francisco?
McCaffrey. Christian McCaffrey. McC Jesus freak for San Francisco? McCaffrey.
Christian McCaffrey.
McCaffrey over Christian.
Christian McCaffrey.
Not Jewish Jones, his backup.
Christian McCaffrey. The number starts at 90 and a half, but again, if you were looking for it.
90 and a half, he'll have that.
All purpose or rushing?
No, no, no.
He'll rush for over 90 yards.
What say you, Chaddies?
What's that?
I hope they fucking lose and she cries because of you.
I swear to God.
I hope.
I hope.
I fucking hope they lose.
Listen to me.
I'm fucking enough.
I try to like her and you, the Swifties, who are a fucking cult, make me hate them.
Listen. I try to like her and you, the Swifties, who are a fucking cult, make me hate them. Listen, when I'm in the car, I'm singing fucking Bad Blood.
In the car.
I'm singing the shit with my daughter.
But then this fucking...
I want them to lose.
Paul, why can't you let these sad sicko fans have something to do on the weekend?
Because of him.
I will say this.
I will say this. The level that they
are into her is disturbing.
I loved ACDC when I
was a kid and I went to go see them.
But when they played Back in Black, I wasn't
like, oh my
God! Fainting crying yeah you
fucking sang along you did a bump i mean it was the 80s i hope they do another show you think
there's gonna be a second show i fucking love that guy back there um you said coke and he just
all right over under patrick mahomes wife is to spray champagne on the crowd whether they like it or not.
Yes, again!
One of my favorite people ever.
Yeah, smoke that shit!
That's fucking amazing.
She needs her own show.
I think Christian McCaffrey, here are the prop bets that I like, okay?
I like Christian McCaffrey to rush over 90.
The number starts at 34, so 90, so you get money on that I like, okay? I like Christian McCaffrey to rush over 90. All right.
The number starts at 34, so 90 is your good money on that.
What's that?
I'm starting at 34 and a half yards.
Can you let the man fucking flow?
He's going to get some nice yards.
All of these nerds, nobody knows what's going to happen.
Just let the man see things.
He's beat the book three years in a fucking row.
After you, Paul.
Go ahead, Paul Paul You're saying 90
What else
What else
What else happened
During your vision
What scares
In the steam room
That steam was good right
It is
Paul when he's picking teams
He's like that
Who's the black dude
In Predator
Who finally sees it
When he's shaving his head
I see you
Over there in them trees
That's Paul going
Fucking 90 yards For Christian McCaffrey.
I'm seeing it.
I said that to you one time.
One time I was like, because we pick four games.
So the podcast, we pick four games a week against the spread.
And three weeks in a row or four weeks in a row, I went like three and one.
And I remember I called you and I just go, dude, I'm seeing it different than everybody.
I'm just seeing it, dude.
And he does that voice, too.
He goes down.
It's almost a whisper.
It's really uncomfortable.
Bill, I'm seeing it.
Tell me, people don't know this, but I'm special.
I see things that people don't see.
My favorite thing this year was when you were losing and you called me up and you're like, yeah, man, you go that people don't see. My favorite thing this year was
when you were losing and you called me up and you're like,
yeah, man. You go, this isn't me.
This isn't me. I'm like, well, it
is you. You picked those fucking guys. Nah, man.
No, but you weren't. That's like somebody
else, man. Somebody came into
my body. But what did you say to me? You were like, no, dude.
You're going to turn this around. You did. I did, but it
was still funny. Let's not fast
forward to the fact that you said
This isn't me
I don't
Like he had a tapeworm
And there was something
Affecting your
Your logic
It was 100% you
100% you
Yeah
Next year I'm telling you
You wanna win some money
When it comes to October
This guy's Mr. October
He fucking murders
In October
And that's when you turn it around
Yeah
That's when I tank
I come out You come out... You come out
strong. I come out strong. I talk a lot of
shit.
What is that?
How many times are you going to keep talking to him?
Just ignore him. I didn't see who it was.
He's on his way to passing out.
It sounds like a white wine
slur.
It's usually a white woman.
There you go. Give him more drinks.
That's what he needs.
That's what he needs.
It'll make up for all the hugs
that weren't given.
One thing that scares me
about the 49ers
is Purdy with Jesus.
And let me rephrase.
I'm all for Jesus, okay?
But he's going like,
it's just a game, you know?
There's bigger things. It's just a game. There's bigger things.
It's just a game. That scares me.
That's because he has the Lord in his life, Paul.
No, I understand that. He's been saved.
No, I understand that. There's a big part of him
feels like the rest of his
team might be left behind during the game.
And he's just going to have a pile
of pads there. And he's going to be up
in that end zone in the sky.
What's your parlay? You have him thrown a pick?
I'm not into religious people.
I stay away from them. I respect
them. It's not him.
Like, who names their kid
after a religion? I just don't understand it.
This is
my son, Hari Krishna.
Is it Harry? No, Hari.
It's like you're laughing.
Is that a religion, by the way,
or is it just annoying people?
I don't know.
What's the difference between a Hari Krishna
and a Jehovah's Witness?
Jehovah's Witnesses dress better.
Hari Krishna's trying to get you in a public place.
Jehovah Witnesses, they come where you eat.
They come there like the fucking IRS.
They got like a briefcase and shit. Yeah, they come to
the door. Yeah. It's always
the night after you got a hooker.
They're fucking knocking on your door.
They get you when you're weak.
Paul, they sent that hooker.
They sent that hooker.
I'm waiting for that Jehovah's Witness
list to come up.
Bill, you've been on Brock Purdy throwing a pick this whole week, right? You think he's going to throw one? I sent that hooker. I'm waiting for that Jehovah's Witness list to come out. That's the big one.
Bill, you've been on Brock Purdy throwing a pick this whole week, right?
You think he's going to throw one?
Yeah.
You know, I saw that Ryan Clark was saying he gets a lot of balls are tipped
and something like that.
I feel like, I don't know.
It's going to be, I don't want to see the 49ers trying to play catch up.
Like, they've been doing that the whole time in place.
Obviously, I don't think he can do it against the Chiefs.
I do like...
It just is a fan.
The 49ers go out, get the ball, win the toss,
score a fucking touchdown,
and then it just starts this
Ali-Frazier shit.
I could get into that.
I think I can hold my excitement during the
38-minute commercial breaks
that they're going to have. But no matter what, it can't be like SoFi Stadium, as far as my experience, is the worst stadium
to watch a game in as far as just the amount of extracurricular shit. The second there's
a stoppage of play, they have this announcer literally every five seconds. He says shit
like, it's a fair catch and the ball's at the 20th.
It's just
like, yeah, we have eyes, and there's
numbers on the field.
I love that he feels like he needs to growl,
so I know that I'm watching football, and it's
real manly and shit.
Fair catch.
He's like going Jim McMahon.
Not Jim McMahon. The other guy.
Not Jim McMahon. Who's the... Vince McMahon. There Jim McMahon. The other guy. Not Jim McMahon. Who's the...
Vince McMahon.
There you go.
I swear to God, I got to get my fucking brain checked.
Well, Andrew, we have a parlay to tell them that's available now.
Yeah.
Every week, these guys do a parlay, Monday night special.
And you guys put one together earlier.
That'll be on the OGN website.
So tell everybody, you guys can take this parlay.
This is one that we have to have fun with.
So what is it?
That was yours.
What was it again?
Oh, all right.
No, it was Mahomes to throw one.
Was it?
Pacheco touchdown, Bossa sack, and Debo TD.
Oh, but you can't bet the sack.
Yeah, it depends on what state you're betting in.
They don't accept sacks as a prop bet in certain states based on the subjective nature.
Certain states don't know how to
count sacks.
Here you can.
You guys want to guess the states?
Here you can, of course.
I'm going to go West Virginia.
Huh?
Yeah, but some people, you know,
they use an app. They might be home tomorrow.
I don't know.
They might have a flight. They don't know. They might have a flight.
They don't have kids.
I don't know.
McCaffrey first touchdown.
That's what you got?
What's that?
Let me see this for the random shit.
What page is the random stuff on?
I want to see the random stuff.
I can't believe if you bet a safety, it's not even that much money.
I think that kid rice.
I think that kid rice.
Okay, so what do we got here?
Okay, Paul, I want some picks here.
Okay.
All right.
Any score in the first six minutes of the game?
Yes.
Paul's going yes on that.
Team to punt first in the game
I mean that's
How could I
Well that's what it is Paul
It's fucking guessing
I mean well how could I
That's how confident you were
He was so confident
I love this guy
He's the most honest guy ever
I go any punts in the first six minutes
He's like no
Like 100% I go alright first six minutes? He's like, no, like 100%.
I go, all right, team to punt first. He's like, well, I mean, how could I answer that?
I mean, that's just, I mean, what am I, C in the future? You did it, the question before.
No, I think there's going to be a score within six minutes based on history of the game.
Who do you think punts first? 49ers punt.
49ers punt.
There's some drunk people here.
Somebody just said Patriots.
Fucking Patriots.
Tom Brady still.
Jaguars in the over.
Tom Brady's back in the end zone.
The first two minutes.
All right.
There you go.
There you go.
It's the problem with sports fans.
It's just what it is.
That's the kind of woman you want to see in a sidecar with a drunk rider.
With plenty of telephone poles.
Why did that visual just come to my head?
I was trying to think.
What else do we have?
I want her to die, but in a funny way.
I mean, who dies in a sidecar in
2024? I mean, she was definitely
a hipster. I bet she knew where to get
the best coffee in Vegas. You know
that.
These are boring. First
team to score 10 points. This is crazy
shit. I want... Alright, first team to
use Coach's Challenge.
49ers. Oh, Bill, you always do the Gatorade part. The Raiders as a team are a Coach's Challenge. I love the confidence
of Raider fans. It's really amazing. It's like 41 years since you won anything, and
they're still like, Raiders. Like like anybody's nervous. Nobody's nervous.
The worst.
Burn it. Burn it.
Burn it. Burn it. Burn it. All that old school
NFL under your highlights.
You know?
Bill, you always talk about the Gatorade.
Coin toss winner. Coin toss winner.
I always say tails.
No, no. Who's going to win it? 49ers
or Chiefs? Chiefs. I like 49ers. I like Chief tails. No, no. Who's going to win it? 49ers or Chiefs?
Chiefs.
I like 49ers.
All right.
I like Chiefs.
All right.
All right.
Color of the Gatorade.
I actually hit this one.
This is his shit.
You hit on orange.
That's funny you said that.
I'm picturing that or that fucking yellow shit you drink after a hangover.
I don't think it's, but I don't think they're going to do team colors.
It's not going to be red.
It's not going to be purple.
You know what? I think I like orange.
I do like orange.
I like orange.
Not because I'm a ginger either.
All right?
This isn't fucking home cooking here.
All right.
Is it time to get into the...
Just chill.
Yeah, it's all right. What's the matter? It's all good.
It's him again? It's all good.
It's just him again.
It's just what it is.
It's just him again. Sounds like the next Taylor Swift song.
It's just fucking him again.
He should star in a show called Him Again.
Alright, Paul.
Here's my tale of the tape.
Patrick Mahomes Plays quarterback
For the Chiefs
Brock Purdy
What?
I'm just saying
You got Patrick Mahomes
Brock Purdy
You gotta go Patrick Mahomes
And he's getting two points Paul
This is my defense here
Travis Kelsey
Yeah
He's got his chair dude
He's got his Kansas City chair
He's got his helmet
With the two beers He's gonna go out And sit down's got his Kansas City chair He's got his helmet with the two beers
He's gonna go out and sit down in the zone
And have like nine fucking catches
So Andrew, let's do this
They got Debo
They got Debo Samuels
You know?
Yeah
So Andrew, let's do this
You make
Let's time
Let's make our Super Bowl picks now
Okay?
We're gonna make our Super Bowl picks now
Official
Andrew, you start
What's your Super Bowl
Let's
Let's
Let's do it.
Andrew, go ahead. Andrew will start off.
We're going to do our official Super Bowl picks
on the Anything Better podcast right now.
Let's go. Andrew, who do you got?
By the way, right now the active
line is what? Two?
Two.
Wait, did it move to two and a half?
Two and a half Niners?
Check me out!
Check me out. Alright, relax. Yeah, I'm going to move to two and a half? Two and a half Niners? I love that.
All right, relax.
Fuck it.
Yeah, I'm going to...
It's probably the Chiefs,
but I'm going to go
Niners by a score.
I just...
I can't...
I can't...
I just...
I can't...
It's too easy.
I just can't say the Chiefs.
It's too easy.
Wow.
Too easy?
Yeah, it's too easy.
I mean, it's like, listen, everything's pointing
Niners. I mean, where's the money right now?
Where's all the money?
Alex, where's the money right now?
It's the Chiefs.
Wait, the money's on the Chiefs and they're
getting points. Yes.
Yeah, that's why I just, I don't know. You say
it all season. You're like, I don't know.
They're giving it to you.
I don't know.
Alright, class. I don't know. All right.
Class.
I would say...
And I like the under.
I mean, I can't go against the experience of the Chiefs.
The way the 49ers played the last two fucking weeks has not been impressive.
Maybe they finally show up.
I just don't think that you can do that.
I just think Andy Reid has more experience.
Whatever Christian McCaffrey's going to do, I think Pacheco can do enough of.
You know what I mean?
And also, dude, they're number one.
They're number two in points allowed and rushing yards.
They have a decent defense, and I just feel like Patrick Mahomes just has the fucking mojo.
He has the magic, and they're getting fucking points.
I can't lay off that pull. I just can't fucking mojo. He has the magic, and they're getting fucking points. I can't lay off that, Paul.
I just can't lay off it.
My heart says I want the 49ers, I want the 49ers,
but my money's going with the Chiefs.
I got to bet the Chiefs.
So all week me and Bill have been on the same page.
I was thinking Chiefs, no matter how much talent San Francisco has,
I was just saying you can't go against Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelsey.
But the last few days, the last few days, I have...
Shut up, ma'am.
The last few days I was thinking about it...
It's an impatient crowd, Paul.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
No, no.
Listen.
When you go...
First of all, when you...
Can you let the man build to a dramatic moment?
Yes, yes.
Jesus Christ, this fucking crowd of pre-ejaculators.
I think that you can run on the Chiefs.
I think there's too much talent with the 49ers.
But here's the big part about this.
I think the 49ers losing to this team already did something to them.
I think that it's going to be a close game.
I think the 49ers are going to win it in the end and cover.
And that's what I'm saying.
I think that they're going to stop him.
I think they're going to figure it out and do it.
I have a conspiracy theory.
What?
I have a conspiracy theory.
I think one of the 49ers coaches pulled that fire alarm
because he saw their team has not been fired up the whole playoffs.
So they want to make it think that the Chiefs did it
because they're all going, I'll tell you right now, that was not an accident.
I'm the only one that saw that.
Somebody pulled the fire alarm.
It's 6 a.m.
Okay. All right. a.m. Okay.
All right.
Well, there you go.
That's the tale of the tape, Paul.
I think what?
Over-under.
Over-under is what?
47 and a half.
I fucking hate this.
It's always the under.
But is it going to be the under?
You take this one.
Bill is more under-over guy than me.
What do you think?
I like the under.
Under.
Under, because I think everybody's going to be like
We fucking shoot up
I think this is going to be one of these games
That looks like it's going to go over in the first half
And then they make their halftime adjustments
And like another 10 points gets scored
I think George Kittle at the end of the game
Is going to do something spectacular
I think so
So I'm taking the Niners
Andrew has the Niners bill has the
chiefs you got the over under i like the over you like the over paulie likes the over that's why
this show works i like the niners and i like the over i like the chiefs and i like the under this
man's won three years in a row all right so? So make sure you fucking, you know, make a smart move
here. Paulie, what do you got coming up here?
We got, well, if you're in Chicago,
I'm shooting my next special
February 24th at the Denton Theater in
Chicago. You can check that out.
Yeah, just go to paulverzi.com
and check out all my
live dates. And you will be at,
that's going to be another Netflix special.
Oh, and I will be for the Netflix Comedy Festival. If you're in Los Angeles, you will be at that's going to be another Netflix special. And I will be for the Netflix
Comedy Festival. If you're in Los
Angeles, I will be performing May 10th
at the Troubadour. You can check
that out too on May 10th. The Late Show
at the Troubadour for
Netflix. Have you ever performed
there? I have not. It's amazing.
It's an incredible venue. If you guys are out
in LA, you should definitely
try to check that out. Alright, so I got to ask you guys a question here.
Me and Virzi want to go smoke some cigars.
Yes.
Where is...
Can you do that here?
I don't understand.
Like, I understand hookers can walk around in the casino,
but that's because they're not smoking cigars.
Is that how I understand it?
Like, how does that work?
I did see a guy smoking a cigar at a crap table last time I was here,
but these two ladies were mean mugging him.
So he was like 6'4".
So he had the fucking cigar up like way over their heads.
It was fucking hilarious.
He was throwing the dice, and then he would go like that.
It's just like, could you just let the man smoke?
You know?
Sometimes I really wish, though, that I was born.
This is a white thing to say, that I was born this is a white thing to say,
that I was born 40 years earlier
because I didn't have to deal with segregation
and all of that shit. Any period
was great to be a white
guy. You just had to pick the clothes.
I liked the cars during that.
I saw this footage one time. I always bring this
up. I saw footage of the
World Series when they still used to play it
during the day. It was like the early
70s. There was a guy who had box seats.
He was sitting on the third baseline. He had on
a shirt and tie with short sleeves.
And he was sitting there
smoking a fucking cigar.
There was kids around. Nobody even looked at him.
Didn't even look at him. I was just going like,
I missed that?
That is when you died at like
58, but there was something.
Yeah.
That's when you spoke on an airplane too.
But nobody was,
you didn't know what you were doing.
You didn't know that eating fucking steak every night
and fucking, you know,
smoking, you know,
a whole carton of cigarettes every week.
Doing blow in Vegas.
Yeah, you just did it
and then you just died.
And there was no doctor going,
you know, your cholesterol's really high.
You got to cut back.
And everybody making you feel bad.
Your teeth were like as brown as the stage.
You know?
What's that?
You could check out...
Oh, 8 Lounge?
Oh, it is. Oh, thank you.
What's the store?
Oh, all right. Oh, thank you. What's the store? Oh, all right.
We're degenerates.
We're going to end up being behind the casino next to the air conditioner.
We always end up there.
We're going to be freezing outside in front of the fountain for sure.
With a couple of launchers.
Yeah.
And you're going to be going, doesn't get any better than this.
That's fucking him.
Yeah.
That's him.
I ever tell you...
Paul loves a day off you Paul loves a day off
Paul loves a day off
Yeah
I never tell
I don't think I ever
Told this story in the podcast
One time me and Verzi
We did this benefit
Of something right
And after we were done
With the benefit
The lady that did it
Was so cool
She got everybody
Like a vintage bottle of scotch
This is back when I was boozing
So it's the middle of winter
We're in New York
It's fucking freezing out
And we're driving back
To his house right And he goes Dude He. We're in New York. It's fucking freezing out. And we're driving back to his house, right?
And he goes, dude,
he goes, we're going to fucking crush this bottle tonight.
We're going to be smoking sticks and all that shit.
I'm thinking, like, this is going to be amazing.
And it wasn't until we pull into his driveway,
and I'm looking at toys in the front yard and shit.
I'm going like, wait a minute.
This guy's, like, married with two kids,
and everybody's home.
I'm like, Paul, where the fuck are we going to do this?
And he goes, oh, don't worry, dude.
We're going to go to my garage.
We're going to go to my garage.
So I'm picturing this guy's got a man cave.
He's got the fucking leather seats and the kegerator and all that shit.
Dude, we walk in.
It's a garage, right?
There's like rakes and creepy old toys and shit.
Like, oh, my God.
Fucking sofas.
It's like a storage unit.
It fucking had everything.
So he doesn't say anything.
I don't want to be rude.
So we're standing in the fucking garage.
The only light is coming from like the street light at the end of the driveway through one of these little fucking square windows.
And we're sitting there dead silent.
And we got ice in our drinks because you got to keep it cold.
It's like fucking minus 30.
And we're smoking these cigars dead silent.
I can't even feel my toes.
And finally, I look over, and I'm with that dumb street light in his eyes,
just like right across here, and he just looks at me, and he goes,
it doesn't get any better than this.
You got to, I enjoy life.
I enjoy fucking life.
And I wanted to be like, no, Paul, it gets a lot better than this.
We could have chairs.
We could have climate control.
I like to have fun.
That said, who's got coke?
You?
Kidding.
That was one of the...
That was one of those moments where I didn't know what to say to you.
I was just going like, I can't help this guy.
He's gradually become a human being, though.
The first time I went over his house, when you and Stace, before you even had your kids,
I went over there, and she goes, Jesus, Paul, you have company.
Go get him a beer or something.
I swear to God, he went in, and he grabbed this like, you know those plastic cups you used to have in your
bathroom? And, like, he grabbed a plastic
cup. No, but it was frosted. No, it
wasn't. You grabbed it
out of the cabinet and he just goes,
he just turned it off like that. It was like,
you tried to be polite, you just looked at it.
She goes, what the fuck are you doing?
No, Paul, you wanted to.
Dude, it's like you were raised by
wolves. I'm like, you've got to like...
I couldn't believe you drank as much as you did
and you didn't know how to pour somebody a fucking beer.
That's when I realized, Paul, you were a little touched.
I did.
And I was like, I'm going to stick with this guy.
Anyways, before we were...
We've done our picks and everything here,
but I do want to take time to thank all you guys for listening to this podcast.
Because you guys listen to this podcast, we got to come here, bet MGM, rolling out the red carpet for us.
We love the feedback that you guys have been giving us, and I hope all you guys have a good time.
I don't know if you guys have ever been to the Raiders Stadium.
It's fucking unbelievable.
Wait, wait, can I just say something? By the way, by the way, know if you guys have ever been to the Raiders Stadium. It's fucking unbelievable.
Wait, wait.
Can I just say something?
By the way, by the way, the one thing about our podcast is like, fuck ESPN.
You know what I mean?
I'm not saying that. No, no, no.
All right.
I shouldn't say that.
I'm sorry.
I shouldn't say that.
I shouldn't say that.
No, I went too hard.
Paul, we're trying to get syndicated here.
No, no, no.
I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have said fuck ESPN.
All these other sports shows can eat at this.
Let me tell you something.
But we beat the book against the spread.
All these people go out and go, oh, I like the Bills tonight.
Fucking really?
Yeah, we know.
We go with the points, and we're ahead of it, winning money for you.
And that's what we want to do.
We want to be real.
It's easy to be on ESPN.
I shouldn't just keep saying ESPN.
You know what I mean.
Paul, you have a bone to pick with ESPN, and I am not going to get in the way of it. easy to be on ESPN or any... I shouldn't just keep saying ESPN. You know what I mean. Paul, you have a bone to pick with ESPN
and I am not going to get in the way of it.
Let's be honest.
ESPN changed for the worse.
Fuck them.
I don't need to hear their fucking stupid social fucking...
Fuck you.
All I'm saying is, me and...
I've never heard them do anything social.
It's just my thing is they just...
They used to just show, like like Australian rules football to fill up time
rather than fucking having another five idiots sitting around talking about sports like we are.
Oh, Jesus.
Kind of talked myself into a corner there.
No, I just don't want to hear Scott Van Pelt talk about like social shit.
That's all.
What?
How can you go against a fellow bald?
I like Scott.
I'm just saying we talk and we do it against the book
and nobody else does.
That's all I'm saying.
All right, I get it.
You had a couple of drinks.
You're kind of feeling yourself, you know.
Pauly likes to talk shit.
I talk a little shit.
All right, anyway.
Thank you guys so much for listening.
Thank all you guys for coming out.
I hope you all win money.
And I think it's going to be
a legendary show.
Yeah,
I think that's it.
If you guys,
thank you for the shout out
of where to get the cigars.
Thanks again.
And one more time
for Andrew Themelis.
Yeah,
he puts it all together, guys.
And Jake the Snake.
Enjoy the game.
Enjoy the game.
If you're a Chiefs fan,
Niners fan,
enjoy the game.
Be safe. Don't be that drunk asshole throwing shit at people. Enjoy the game. If you're a Chiefs fan, Niners fan, enjoy the game. Be safe.
Don't be that drunk asshole throwing shit at people.
Enjoy the game.
Thank you guys so much.
We appreciate you.
All right, thank you.
One more time.
Check out the Anything Better podcast.
One more time for Paul Berzy and Bill Burr. Gracias.