Anything Better? - Live from Vegas: Super Bowl Friday

Episode Date: February 10, 2024

Bill and Paul are live from Brad Garrett's Comedy Club at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas, Nevada.  The guys make picks, talk shit, and banter with the audience. Bet $5 Get $158 with code BURR Instantly ...Place your first BetMGM Sportsbook wager through BetMGM Sportsbook mobile application of at least $5. You will receive $158 instantly in additional winnings regardless of your wager’s outcome! Download the BetMGM Sportsbook app on iOS or Android, or visit betmgm.com. Sign up and deposit at least $5 into your newly created account. Place a wager in the amount of at least $5 at standard odds price. Once you have placed a bet, you will receive $158 in Bonus Bets regardless of the outcome of your wager! www.betmgmg.com  Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER (Available in the US) Call 877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY) Call 1-800-327-5050 (MA) 21+ only. Please Gamble Responsibly. Call 1-800-NEXT-STEP (AZ), 1-800-BETS-OFF (IA), 1-800-270-7117 for confidential help (MI), 1-800-981-0023 (PR). First Bet Offer for new customers only. In partnership with Kansas Crossing Casino and Hotel.

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Gentlemen, please put your hands together for Paul Verzi and Bill Burr. All right, how are you? What's up, everybody? Thank you for coming out. I like Andrew. You're hitting him with the rules in the beginning. Don't vape, don't take out your phone. Thank you guys so much for coming out. Listen to the podcast.
Starting point is 00:00:26 Appreciate you guys being here for the second live show we've ever done here. Don't expose yourselves. All these Vegas rules. What's up, you fellow degenerates? How's it going? Alright. Well, thank you very much. We are very excited
Starting point is 00:00:41 for this Super Bowl thing. Usually I don't go to the Super Bowl. It's a shit show. We've seen them. We've seen all the fatties waddling down the fucking street out there. That's what's going to be passing out on you during those long commercial breaks of the game. Did we make anybody money this year? Did anybody make money off of our picks at all this year?
Starting point is 00:01:04 Three people. Fuck you. Then watch the show. Fuck you. I'm up 17 games on the book. Fuck you. You should have taken my picks. Yeah, just do what he's doing. Whatever he's doing, he's killing it. I just asked if we made you money. The guy booed. What a dick. Fucking asshole. I'm trying to help you make money. Keep doing your shitty picks, you fucking cokehead. All right. we've set the tone. I guess this is how it's going to go. I'm sorry. It's just, you know, I tried to help.
Starting point is 00:01:31 You know what this reminds me of? When I lost my license for drinking and driving. For some reason, they made you go to a MAD meeting. Mothers Against Drinking and Driving. And they had mothers who lost their kids or spouse to drunk drivers. so i thought it was gonna be a bunch of mothers yelling at me and it was the opposite i showed up it was a room full
Starting point is 00:01:51 of convicted drunk drivers and this mother trying to tell her story as all the drivers were bitching about their cases going i blew a.08 you know i drive for a living. And she's going like, man, he was changing a tire. Oh, is that too dark for you, Vegas? Sorry. All right, it's the early show. It's the early show. They're going to take my painting down
Starting point is 00:02:17 after that story. Put a Hitler mustache on it. What do we got? We want to feel the room here. How many Chief fans? We got Chief fans here? How many? There you go Oh, this is Niners
Starting point is 00:02:29 Niners? A lot of 49er fans here Alright Lions, there you go You should have won You should have fucking won You should have won Anybody who thinks
Starting point is 00:02:42 You don't take the points From the 28 yard line Is fucking retarded. Okay? Yeah. Yeah, you play Madden. That's why you said that. Go for it on fourth and 14.
Starting point is 00:02:57 That's what he did all year. It's not all year. You're in the championship game to go. And San Francisco just went up. They cut it to two scores. And now the Lions are on the 28-yard line. You kick the field goal. You go back up three scores, 17.
Starting point is 00:03:11 Dan Campbell. It's called upper deck coaching. Like when the head coach is agreeing with some drunk in the last row. Dude, I'd fucking go for it. It's how I've always lived my life. And look at me. He's up there with like the team flag. It's like, you don't listen to that guy.
Starting point is 00:03:28 That's not the guy. He owns an auto body shop. He's fucking. No, he used to. Lost it in a divorce. Fucking bitch. One of those guys. Two drinks later.
Starting point is 00:03:39 All right, I fucked around on her. There it is. There it is. All right. I feel for you, dude. Yeah. I mean, it was a, you know, it's a crazy year. Who would have thought, you know, I'm a Patriots fan. I know you guys all fucking love me. There you go. There you go. I know. I know we were super successful and your team wasn't. Sorry. It's kind of funny watching the Chiefs be successful,
Starting point is 00:04:10 and now they're getting the same shit. Oh, they're cheating. The refs like them. They hold on every play. All that whining. It is kind of hard. At least Tom, you know, ran like a man. You know, it's a little difficult to watch a guy who looks like he's running on hot sand, like kicking your ass every week, you know?
Starting point is 00:04:28 Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. First down. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. This is so cool you guys came. Salute everybody. This is fucking awesome, man. This is awesome. It is.
Starting point is 00:04:41 I don't know where you guys are staying. I'm staying over at the Bellagio. So I call up for room service. They're like, hi, thank you for calling. The big whole fucking intro, right? She goes, what can I do for you? I go, I'd like to order food to the room. She goes, okay, it's going to be like 90 minutes, though.
Starting point is 00:04:59 Is that okay? And I'm like, no, that's horrific. And I go, but I get it. It's not you. They're running a skeleton crew because the CEOs want to try to buy a bigger yacht, right? So they can do blow with their whores. And she goes, thank you. Only you would say that to a fucking room service. You never yell at the person that answers the phone. They're not the problem. Only you would do that. It's that guy going to Epstein Island, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:30 I love how all you guys were excited that the list, all those idiots, dude, the list is coming out. That list, people are going to get in trouble. It's like, what was the point of killing that guy if there was going to be a list, right? When they shot Oswald, was there a list? Oh, the four guys on the grassy knoll.
Starting point is 00:05:48 It was Mark, Eddie, that's it. He's dead. You're never going to find out. It's over, all right? It's another one that you lost. Anyway, it's Super Bowl weekend, everybody. anyway it's Super Bowl weekend everybody dude what about you tell them they ran into Bill Clinton they asked about Epstein Island
Starting point is 00:06:12 hey man about Epstein Island he starts smiling oh that was the best he's going like oh I mean that was proven it was proven yeah I think but yeah who says did you fuck a 12-year-old and you start smiling? Like, ha, ha, ha. Like, Paul. No, he said, I think the evidence shows that he just smiled. Paul, what's your favorite story about your dog? Like, the same reaction. What a psycho, you know? Oh, shit.
Starting point is 00:06:39 Used a woman's vagina as a humidor. I mean, this is, this is, what kind of a man does that? It's a sports podcast, everybody. I'm feeling... You know what? You know what this is, Paul? There's a little bit of wholesomeness. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:53 Because it's the Midwest. You know what I mean? So I'm kind of feeling that a little bit. So maybe we should dial it back. You know? No? All right. Okay.
Starting point is 00:07:04 Well, I don't know. I'm trying to read the room here. Relax, buddy. He's joking. This guy's taking it seriously. This guy goes, no! No, no, no. No, don't yell at him.
Starting point is 00:07:13 I said to pull it back, and he said no. That's all. I mean, he lives in San Francisco. I mean, they got like... Oh, wrong guy? Oh, sorry. I was going to make fun of San Francisco. Dude, you look like you fuck people Out of money for a living
Starting point is 00:07:25 Look at this guy Doesn't he Oh that guy This guy This guy What do you do Finance Is it finance
Starting point is 00:07:30 What do you do It's finance isn't it Fuck you it's finance He's not saying anything It's finance I knew it dude You got a head start He's not saying
Starting point is 00:07:38 Leave him alone Whatever it is He's not at liberty To discuss That's what that face says He's kinda like Arms dealer Alright let's not at liberty to discuss. That's what that face says. He's kind of like, arms dealer? Alright, let's not...
Starting point is 00:07:50 Taylor Swift is a fucking gangster, man. She is. Wait, we can't blow over. I want to know what the fuck this guy does. Paul, you're Italian. Don't you know when to let it go? You of all people. I'll tell you,
Starting point is 00:08:02 if your people are still running this town, I'm not waiting 90 minutes for chicken wings and a salad That's for sure That's 100% When the mood hits your eye Like a big pizza pie Put on a sport coat That was your big thing
Starting point is 00:08:16 Italians do it better Depends on what you're talking about One guy, bald guy, love this guy They do, you do food better, corruption, making your daughter feel less than because she's not a male to carry on the family name.
Starting point is 00:08:32 If we're going to talk about it, you've got to talk about all of it. Unbelievable cuisine. Your desserts. Those dry cookies. I don't know about that. You always do that. You make octopus taste good. You can't know about that. You always do that. You make octopus taste good. You can't make a good cookie. It doesn't make any fucking sense. Dude, a
Starting point is 00:08:51 rainbow cookie is fucking delicious. I'm a rainbow cookie guy, dude. Hey, Paul, more ways than one. All right, hey, let's keep it moving here. All right. Paul's coming out here in June to play the fucking Mirage. It's a gay pride joke. Nobody got it.
Starting point is 00:09:09 I'm sorry. Somebody got it. All right. So anyway, before we get into the football, Valentine's Day is coming up. Yeah. Huh? Yeah, it's pathetic. Every fucking commercial is some guy giving his girlfriend or his wife some shit.
Starting point is 00:09:25 It's like, aren't we in the relationship too? Like, I'm sitting here racking my brain. What am I going to get my wife? Do you think she's even fucking... I'm going to have to remind her that it's Valentine's Day. Bill, because they don't give a fuck. They don't. They never did.
Starting point is 00:09:37 Never did. That's the scariest thing he's ever said to me. What? I said, you know, I was getting into it with my wife one time. I was like, you know what? She doesn't give a fuck. And I was like, you know, none of them give a fuck. And then he said the me. What? I said, you know, I was getting into it with my wife one time. I was like, you know what? She doesn't give a fuck. And I was like, you know, none of them give a fuck.
Starting point is 00:09:48 And then he said the worst. He goes, never did. Which meant the whole thing was a lie. Like, I believed in the romance of it. You got so quiet, you go, dude, come on, man.
Starting point is 00:09:59 Yeah, you can't go that dark. They don't give a fuck. All right, we just... I think there's a lot of people on dates here Let's try to stay away from that This is date shit It's nice though
Starting point is 00:10:09 Maybe a couple of months You get her something shiny You still feel the love You feel insecure I'm married 17 years I can see it I'm in Vegas she's not here My wife actually Really wanted to go I can see it. I'm in Vegas. She's not here.
Starting point is 00:10:28 No, my wife actually really wanted to go. And I told her that she couldn't go. That's fucking... You know something? Yeah, because I wasn't going to be the guy that brings his wife. Yeah, you can't. You know? You can't do that. You just can't.
Starting point is 00:10:42 You can't be that guy. I told her that. I said, you know, you want to come back with me? We'll go see Donny Marie or whatever it is you want to do. Down at the Flamingo, right? Go see Taylor Swift. There you go. Taylor Swift.
Starting point is 00:10:56 Taylor Swift for the win there. Alright. I actually wrote down names so I don't fuck this stuff up as far as getting into the Super Bowl. I'm actually, this is the first Super Bowl I've been, I've only been to two Super Bowls. I went 97
Starting point is 00:11:12 for the 96 season when my Patriots played the Green Bay Packers. Remember the Brett Favre game? Yeah. There you go. You're on the team, right? You're making all those decisions, aren't you? You hear what she said? She goes, I have two shares. There you go. Yeah, there you go. You're on the team, right? You're making all those decisions, aren't you? You know?
Starting point is 00:11:26 You hear what she said? She goes, I have two shares. Two shares. I got two shares. I put those two shares of getting Aaron Rodgers the fuck out of town. Yeah. And then I went the next time we played against the Rams, and I got to watch us win it on the first one.
Starting point is 00:11:41 And then I was thinking, like, I'm going to go every single time the Patriots go. And then the next time we played, I was doing the Chappelle show the next day. Remember the World Series of Dice? And I couldn't go. And I was really upset. But when I watched the game, when the game was over and I didn't have to get on a flight and I still had two grand in my pocket, I was like, that wasn't bad. That wasn't. and I even watched it on a 27-inch square TV. So I haven't been back since, and I'm pretty excited because I've never seen Patrick Mahomes play.
Starting point is 00:12:11 So I figure if the Chiefs win, he win his third, he's automatically in the Hall of Fame. The 49ers win, right? You wake it back up again, and they become the third team ever to win six, right? And then does Brock Purdy, does Brock Purdy begin this whole thing? Who knows?
Starting point is 00:12:27 I will tell you this, though. This bullshit calling Kansas City a fucking dynasty because they've won some AFC championship games. You said it, Bright. Like, were the Bills a dynasty in the early 90s? No. They won four in a row. Yeah. What's the matter?
Starting point is 00:12:43 All right. Wait a minute. Sir. What the fuck was? Alright Wait a minute Sir What the fuck was that? Wait a second No no no What the fuck was that? She didn't say anything
Starting point is 00:12:51 She didn't say anything You gotta dump this guy That guy is a rat I was gonna say You just put her on blast For minding her own fucking business That is a rat right there Look at you getting upset for somebody
Starting point is 00:13:04 Huh? You're an idiot Is what you are There's a rat right there. Look at you getting upset for somebody. Huh? You're an idiot is what you are. Yeah. Jesus Christ. If she's driving drunk later when the cop comes up to the window, he'll be like, oh! Holding up the empties.
Starting point is 00:13:23 Oh! He's a fucking rat. Might as well put the cuffs on right now. Holding up the empties. He's a fucking rat. Might as well put the cuffs on right now. Wow. Thank God you showed up. I thought we were going to die. He's pointing at her. You're going to jail.
Starting point is 00:13:37 You're going to jail. I'm sure he's sensitive and listens to you. All right. There we go. Happy Valentine's Day. There we go. We came's Day. There we go. We came out the other way. Now, we talk about the season, Paul. Paul Verzi, once again, you beat the book.
Starting point is 00:13:53 Three years in a row, champion. Three years in a row. You're looking at a dynasty right here. I'm probably the best handicapper in America, to be honest with you. No, fuck it. I'll say it. I mean, I did it three years in a row. Four games a week. Four games a week against the spread. This guy's all about money. How much you win. No, fuck it. I'll say it. I mean, I did it three years in a row. Four games a week.
Starting point is 00:14:06 Four games a week against the spread. This guy's all about money. How much you win. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You don't say
Starting point is 00:14:11 what you do for a living. Out of respect, we shut up, and now you're going to start asking questions? About money. Like you work
Starting point is 00:14:17 for the feds? See, I said he was in finance. He goes, I need a bottom line, fellas. Nobody talks like that. I got this guy. I do. Stop acting like you're mysterious.
Starting point is 00:14:34 You don't have me. I know you're not. We're not in Casablanca, dude. You're in Vegas. All right? I'm piecing it together. You're the successful guy of the family. He didn't quite do it honestly. People resent you and your family. You're trying your best during the holidays. All right. She just patted you on the shoulder. Sir, I didn't want to be involved. I knew when to walk away. Alright?
Starting point is 00:15:12 I don't know. He's trying to be clever. Sir, you know what, buddy? It was our fault. We shouldn't talk to you ever. Alright? We're just going to... We want to have an entertaining show here. Anyway, who did you ride this year? Okay, we're going to ask people here. Who was your ride or die pick this year that won you your money? Falcons.
Starting point is 00:15:27 Falcons. Detroit Lions. Detroit Lions were mine. Detroit Lions were the money maker this year for sure. What about the Texans? Before anybody knew, the Texans were good. They were fun. Texans were good.
Starting point is 00:15:38 All right, who fucked you this year? Buffalo Bills. Buffalo Bills is a good one. Pittsburgh Steelers. Pittsburgh Steelers Pittsburgh Steelers If I bet them they didn't show up If I bet against them they lost I did it for like four weeks in a row and I finally walked away 49ers too wouldn't cover for me
Starting point is 00:15:56 Chargers fucked I took the Chargers way too much Should have been better Justin Herbert they should have been better Eckler Herbert yeah Fuck the Cowboys I'm, Paul. Fuck the Cowboys. I'm done with them. Fuck the Cowboys. America's team, really? How many first round exits
Starting point is 00:16:12 is it going to take for people to say fuck them? What they mean by America's team, Paul, is that they have fans in every city. That's how they became America's team. Like, they went around and everybody reeled. And they had the prettiest cheerleaders. And they had Captain America as their
Starting point is 00:16:27 quarterback. That's how it started. And you guys were just up there playing football on top of Jimmy Hoffa. And you weren't winning anything. And nobody cared. You weren't even like, the Giants were so bad they wouldn't even let you play in New York. They sent you out to
Starting point is 00:16:43 New Jersey. You literally, it's like you got a duplex with the Jets. You know what I mean? The Jets live in the back half. You live in the front half. You're smelling each other's food. You're hearing the arguments. You're a dick because I wanted to go in
Starting point is 00:16:59 and you said that I'm like, fuck, he's right. The second you win the game, the second the last giant walks out, they're going to start putting up the green shit. I mean, the second you win the game, the second the last giant walks out, they're going to start putting up the green shit. I mean, it's fucking bizarre. It's like a Hollywood set. He's right. Haven't you guys won enough?
Starting point is 00:17:13 And you know that I hate its jersey, too. I know, you hate New Jersey. I do. But you know what? I say it's very environmentally conscious. Yeah, because it's beautiful and smells great. Fuck you. It actually is a beautiful state.
Starting point is 00:17:26 You just drive to Newark Airport, and you go by Ikea and those chemical plants, and you think it's terrible. The thing about you, Paul, is you think you're a cut above, but you're in the mud, dude. You're in the mud with the rest of us. You're an animal.
Starting point is 00:17:39 How did we get here from fuck the cowboys? Because I just wanted to get you going can i get another one of these oh boy here we go a little casamigos casamigos soda lime please all right hey paul we're gambling we're playing a little golf tomorrow right playing golf tomorrow playing a little golf we're staying away from other shit doing some parlay bets we've been invited to you guys going to any of these parties out here. I'm too old for those things. The second I hear there's a surprise DJ, that's it.
Starting point is 00:18:12 That is a fucking deal breaker. I don't understand DJs. It's like if someone's talking loud on a fucking cell phone and you're not in the conversation, it's one of the most annoying things ever. But these jerk-offs show up with their record collections. Don't even ask you what you want to hear. And their whole mission is to kill any bit of conversation or fun in the room. And just punish you.
Starting point is 00:18:36 You either start dancing or you fucking leave. It's just like, I don't want to be involved in that. What if I happen to have a nice little jazz trio? And some sad drunk woman scat singing in the corner? What's that? What do I recommend as far as what? As far as going out?
Starting point is 00:18:57 Dude, first of all, I don't drink anymore. But if I did, I would go to O'Shea's. You go down to O'Shea's. The fucking booze cost what it should you go in there you can chat up some ladies from the greatest generation
Starting point is 00:19:15 ask about the airplanes they put rivets in in World War II and you can you can drink a Coors Light for like 75 cents. You can play Dalek craps. That's where you go, all right?
Starting point is 00:19:28 If you're feeling a little adventurous, you go to the Flamingo, all right? You get that, you know, former cheerleader captain, you know, from 1978, class of 79, you know, full bush, right? Going old school, all right? Full bush Right Going old school Alright Then if you want to get more
Starting point is 00:19:48 Into the modern age I love this guy You by yourself man Just fucking confident With the hat This guy He's got the hat He's got a vibe
Starting point is 00:19:58 He's got a vibe Look at that shark tooth He killed that fucking shark Remember that time That shark bit the fucking arm Off that kid and the guy grabbed the shark? This guy's dead. Brought it and he took the arm out of the shark. It might be this guy.
Starting point is 00:20:11 For all you know. Who do you got Sunday? But I'm saying the Giants are playing. So your money's on the Chiefs? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, that kind of makes sense to me. There was no confidence in that, though. I mean, he definitely backed into that pick.
Starting point is 00:20:33 He went a little Rain Man there. You're not a big sports guy, like not a big football guy, are you? No, not that I'm worried about where you're going. Yeah, okay, yeah, I could tell. Yeah. All right. I could tell, yeah. How many people here
Starting point is 00:20:48 just won tickets to this show and have like no idea what this is? I'm just, as far as sitting here, just wondering. Okay. But you know,
Starting point is 00:20:54 but you knew. Just wondering. No, I'm just wondering. Okay, they knew. Okay. He looks like he's here via like Honolulu. This guy does not have,
Starting point is 00:21:01 I'm a New York Giants, that hat says sunshine to me. I don't know what that, that's, you're somewhere in the southwest. Texas. From Texas, you're a Giants fan, you're in Vegas by yourself. You got a tooth around your neck. What's going on with you? Is there anybody looking for you that we need to know?
Starting point is 00:21:20 Okay, all right. Are you employed? What do you do, man? Are you employed? What do you do? You do security? No, finance. The default answer. All right, well, let's get into something here, Paul.
Starting point is 00:21:38 All right, let's do some topics here. Well, people are going to want to know what you think about Belichick. Oh, Belichick. Homeless. This is what I you think about Belichick. Oh, Belichick. Homeless. This is what I do like about Belichick. I do like how quickly it ended, and then they immediately had the coach. They ripped the Band-Aid off. I mean, it just happens.
Starting point is 00:21:59 I'm still shocked that it happened, but it's kind of weird that nobody picked him up. I know Atlanta wanted him, but I think he went down there and just saw where the organization was at. And it's like, I'm 72. I don't have enough left on the odometer to turn this bus around. So I thought he was maybe going to go to San Diego. That's what I thought. With a healthy Justin Herbert, they got a decent defense. Huh?
Starting point is 00:22:28 You don't want Jim Harbaugh? That's my favorite thing about doing sports. The funniest thing about doing a sports podcast or talking any sports is you could be saying anything, and there's just one voice going, fuck that dick. Overrated. How do you like Jim Harbaugh in San Diego, Paul? You know that I love Herbert I think Herbert's one of the best
Starting point is 00:22:50 And I think Harbaugh's gonna get the best out of him I think the Chargers are gonna be better with him Alright, I don't know how he's fucking overrated He just won a championship He was suspended for three games Are you an Ohio State fan? Are you an Ohio State fan? Alright Ohio State guy That Are you an Ohio State fan? All right.
Starting point is 00:23:06 Ohio State guy. Like, that suspension worked in your favor, and you still couldn't beat him. So I know you guys are known for being babies, but, you know, you should probably let that one go. They want it fair and square. So, I don't know. That's all I can say. You know what I love about Belichick? I think he should have stayed at Michigan.
Starting point is 00:23:28 I think being a legacy coach, you know, like what Saban did at Alabama. Yeah. I mean, there's no way, no matter what he does in San Diego, are they going to make a statue for Jim Harbaugh? It's just not going to. If you didn't make one for Don Correale, you're not going to get. Like, nobody gets his statue at the pro level.
Starting point is 00:23:49 Maybe Vince... What's his face? Vince Lombardi. I'm old. I can't remember his fucking names anymore. Didn't Belichick get caught leaving a chick's house? Can I ask you a question? That's the best. How is that any of my business? I love that. chick get caught like leaving a chick's house like with this can i ask you a question best
Starting point is 00:24:05 how is that any of my business no but that's the i love that it's not my business any more than when that ohio state guy went to the hooters and that chick with the little tight buns was rubbing it on his dick right and then it's all about him it's like what about her she knew he was married no i'm saying i love it i love love what? Going to a Hooters? I love that even at his level of success, he still sneaks out after getting pussed. It's fucking incredible. You think he snuck out?
Starting point is 00:24:36 He probably gave it to a straight. He probably just sitting there going, you know, I think that was great. You suck a really good dick. I think that was great. You suck a really good dick. I've got to go home now because I've got to get prepared for next weekend.
Starting point is 00:24:52 Right now it's all about the Jaguars. Right now it's all about the next waitress in the next town. I've got to take her just as seriously as I took you. What else, Andrew? What other hot topics we got? A little off of NFL,
Starting point is 00:25:11 but your Knicks. Your Knicks are doing all right. Fuck yeah. New York Knicks. We're going to Eastern Conference Finals this year, I think. No. No. I do think that you will upset someone
Starting point is 00:25:26 You could possibly upset somebody In the first Eastern Conference final What is that, 30 rounds in the NBA? How many rounds you got to go to get to Eastern Conference finals? Yeah, but would you say bucks? No, listen, man I've been a delusional Knicks fan for a very long time And I know that
Starting point is 00:25:41 So nothing I say Until they win You know what I mean? I told you that day, I say until they win they have to you know what I mean Mets, Jets, Knicks I told you that day I didn't like what the Celtics did they played the Lakers at home
Starting point is 00:25:50 they should have just destroyed them LeBron and AD weren't playing right and this guy goes they lost like I didn't know that
Starting point is 00:25:57 was the point they lost oh shit sorry my ticker's going really slow I'm a week behind yeah yeah it's like he literally just went right to the punchline
Starting point is 00:26:09 To get to the other side It's just like, can I get to the chicken like fucking That's a guy that stares at his fucking phone all day And just death scrolls and everything Just get to the end, Fast forward. Fast forward. Running the credits. Want to watch the next episode? Yes.
Starting point is 00:26:28 Yeah, no. They didn't fucking show up. And the Lakers did. And we were like 15-point favorites. We were down by 15 the whole game and lost by nine. And that's just not a killer instinct. That's a bad loss that you could turn into some sort of momentum. But that's the type of shit.
Starting point is 00:26:43 I fucking hate the regular season in all sports because everybody sits there and acts like it means something and you're doing all of this shit like the Lions that's why we played all year against a lot of teams that aren't going to be there in January you can't do that shit against the fucking 49ers
Starting point is 00:26:59 you can't do that and this is the thing it's true what's the booing they literally lost Can't do that. And this is the thing with like... It's true. What's the booing? They literally lost. The 49er fans were sitting in their seats. The second they decided to go for it. Yes. They never sat down the rest of the game.
Starting point is 00:27:20 You had them done. The wine and cheese crowd. They were thinking about the traffic. How much they paid for their tickets. You had them done. The wine and cheese crowd, they were thinking about the traffic, how much they paid for their tickets. Leaving that roller coaster, that recycled roller coaster, they turned into a fucking stadium in the middle of nowhere. They were already on the BART, Paul.
Starting point is 00:27:38 That's right. And he fucking went for it, didn't fucking get it. They never sat down again Never sat down again So anyway Yeah I remember like back in the day Like when there was a big Who's better Brady
Starting point is 00:27:51 Or Peyton Manning And Peyton Manning For the longest time Was the guy in November If you wanted 500 yards Against the fucking Jaguars Like that was your guy But come January
Starting point is 00:28:01 He would be one and done Yeah Threw a pick That's the thing I hate to talk bad about Peyton Manning Because I love and done. Yeah. Threw a pick six. That's the thing. I hate to talk bad about Peyton Manning because I love him. But Peyton Manning threw a pick six to lose a Super Bowl. I'll take Eli Manning over Peyton Manning in a big game any day of the week. You have to.
Starting point is 00:28:14 You have to. Boo? Really? Boo? Boo? No, you have to. He beat Brady and Belichick twice. You saw his rap, right?
Starting point is 00:28:23 It was fucking hilarious. Yeah. I don't know. Belichick twice. You saw his rap, right? It was fucking hilarious. I don't know. I am not a big believer in the regular season. I mean, I'll just look at what you did against people that are going to be there in January. So what interests me about this game,
Starting point is 00:28:38 the Super Bowl, is I just feel like the entire time everybody's been hating on Tony Romo going oh my god all he does is blow Patrick Mahomes and it's just yeah but it's literally like if you could get past your it's amazing though how well he sees the game versus how well he played
Starting point is 00:28:57 like that's what I don't get he literally says what's going to happen he's like I'm telling you right now the corner's going to pull up his left sock, and then this is going to happen. This guy's going to go off the thing, and it fucking happens. And he does. It's like he's clairvoyant.
Starting point is 00:29:12 Yeah. He did have like nine quarterback coaches in like 11 years. But anyway, if you could get past your hatred of Tony Romo, he's been picking winners. That's what I've been doing. I just listen to him. Like, this guy has played professional quarterback. He's going to know more than a comedian. And I've just been betting the Chiefs. And right now, I'm just looking
Starting point is 00:29:30 at, why are the Chiefs getting points? The 49ers, no offense, have had two bad playoff games. They should have kicked the shit out of the Packers. They should have kicked the shit out of the Lions. They had to come from behind both times. They go down against these guys.
Starting point is 00:29:46 What do you think? Brock Purdy, Patrick Mahomes. We're going to make our picks at the end of this. Andy Reid. What do they got? They got Kyle Shanahan? That sounds like a coordinator's name to me. And he was forever.
Starting point is 00:30:01 They all were. These guys are all going to get sensitive. Look, I'm telling you right now. Yeah, I thought that our fans or the people listening to this show were smarter, but half the people in here are fucking retarded, man.
Starting point is 00:30:11 Why? I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. They're drinking too, buddy. I'm fucking real. Same guy yelling, I'm fucking around. Jesus.
Starting point is 00:30:19 You've kind of called them retarded twice. Oh, not on your Jordans. Oh, no. Not your Jordans. Oh, no. Not your Jordans. That's true. Are those the Kermit Sevens? I don't understand. He has on green Jordans. He never played for the Celtics. Four crafts. Four crafts. And they're
Starting point is 00:30:36 not Celtic green. Don't do that. I got to be honest with you. I literally think the sneaker market is like the world of art where it's just like i don't understand like how the value i was watching this this instagram video and this guy shows up he's got a pair of nikes okay yeah they're basketball sneakers and he's talking to this dude at this meet and he goes okay oh yeah those yeah right out of the box he goes yeah he goes what do you
Starting point is 00:31:03 want for me he goes 60 grand for sneakers and the guy goes ah goes, yeah. He goes, what do you want for me? He goes, 60 grand for sneakers. And the guy goes, ah, can't do that, bro. Can't do that, bro. He goes, I'll give you 40 cash. And he goes, all right. This guy pulls out 40 fucking stack of cash, gives it to him for fucking sneakers. It's crazy.
Starting point is 00:31:22 I know somebody that's got a Jordan collection. They're like, it's going to my kid's college. They're all going to my kid's college. And their people spend on them. Paul, those are beanie babies for adults. But they're worth something. That's all. Right now.
Starting point is 00:31:35 Yeah. Paul, dump them. Dump them, okay? If you have a pair of Stefan Marbury's in your back closet, put that shit on eBay right now. If you got some Sedale Threats. I got some Jamal Wilkes 2s. Dude, these things are 40 years old.
Starting point is 00:31:56 Is that even a player, Jamal Wilkes? Jamal Wilkes, come on, man. He played on that 82 team. Oh, all right. It was fucking four. I'm sorry. That's fucking great. Sorry, yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:07 What else, Andrew? I would say, no, I would say that's like Bitcoin for your feet. I mean, at some point, it's going to crest, and then you should dump that shit. No? No. You don't think so? All right. Anybody here a Barrett Jackson guy?
Starting point is 00:32:24 That's another market I don't understand. Cars? Cars, yeah. Some guy just paid $200,000 for a 78 Ford F-250 crew cab. Yeah, that thing's maybe worth $60,000. All right. We're getting off topic. All right.
Starting point is 00:32:40 Let's plow ahead here. Sports pod. Sports podcast. Sorry. What else, Andrew? What do you got? We can jump. What? Hockey Golden Knights. Hockey Golden here. Sports pod. Sports podcast. Sorry. What else, Andrew? What do you got? We can jump. What?
Starting point is 00:32:47 Hockey Golden Knights. Hockey Golden Knights. All right. Well, there's another 400 games. Well, that's. And then 19 weeks. That's something I can't help with. What were you going to say, Andrew?
Starting point is 00:32:59 I was going to say we could jump to. Parlay bets? Yeah, player props. And then we can go. All right. What do you like, Paul? I like Mahomes 300 plus yards passing. I like it a lot.
Starting point is 00:33:11 I was going to say... What's that? It doesn't matter. Let me ask you something. 270, Paul. Why? I don't give a fuck what it is. You can still take 300. You can still take 300. You know that guy in the train that you talk to You can still take $300. You can still take $300. Yeah, but it's...
Starting point is 00:33:29 You know that guy in the train that you talk to and then you're like, I shouldn't have talked to this guy because he's just going to keep talking to me for the rest of the fucking ride? He literally raised his hand at one point. Like this is some sort of town meeting. Yeah. I just... But I mean, you're so difficult
Starting point is 00:33:46 I don't get it no but you can you can but you can also bet 300 yeah you know it all and it's a risk
Starting point is 00:33:52 that if you you know it all yeah odds go up huh good now you know what it is you like attention
Starting point is 00:33:58 that's what it is you like attention well if you don't want attention why do you keep chiming in the reason why do you keep chiming in the reason Paul said 300 is because then you can actually get some money.
Starting point is 00:34:07 It's negative money. The reason why you take 300 is because you build a parlay and your odds are better. That's the whole point. By the way, I don't know if I said this, but he did beat the book. This feels like the Thanksgiving table. Every year, all they do is talk to her.
Starting point is 00:34:23 No one ever asks me about my life. Everybody's just trying to pass the mashed potatoes and he brings up some politician at the table alright I like Pacheco to score a touchdown ok Pacheco to score a touchdown alright what about MVP
Starting point is 00:34:39 who likes MVP who do you like for MVP no don't you think they're just going to give it to Mahomes? Even if. Even if. Yeah, like the money on Kelsey is pretty big, but the reason that he's probably not going to get it
Starting point is 00:34:57 is because if he gets it, the ball's coming from Mahomes. They're just going to give it to Mahomes anyways. All right, stop saying Taylor Swift. We get it. Yeah. You guys, it's Taylor Swift. We get it. You guys, it's like, what the fuck? It's like a joke. You're just saying the name.
Starting point is 00:35:12 Taylor Swift. This is what I love about Travis Kelsey is everybody knows he's going to him and he's open, like wide open every single game. I don't understand. Every single game, it's like, he thought he had help over the top and he fucking let him go and he's just running down the field.
Starting point is 00:35:29 Like all by himself. Every fucking game. It's like you don't have help over the top. And even if you do, double cover the guy. Make him beat him with your second best. They don't. Travis Kelsey inexplicably sat down in the zone again. He's got a fucking chair out there. He does.
Starting point is 00:35:48 He does. Fucking catching nine passes per quarter. I don't understand how many times does he have to sit down in the fucking zone before you start playing man and double the guy. Andrew, what's the under over on Kelsey's catches? Eight? Six and a half. It's going to be over
Starting point is 00:36:04 that. Do you agree with that, sir? Paul, stop with this guy. Stop with this guy. All right. What's another one that we liked? What about Debo? Debo's a monster.
Starting point is 00:36:18 We're going to start with Kansas City. We're going to have some San Francisco shit here. What about the Jesus freak for San Francisco? McCaffrey. Christian McCaffrey. McC Jesus freak for San Francisco? McCaffrey. Christian McCaffrey. McCaffrey over Christian. Christian McCaffrey. Not Jewish Jones, his backup.
Starting point is 00:36:34 Christian McCaffrey. The number starts at 90 and a half, but again, if you were looking for it. 90 and a half, he'll have that. All purpose or rushing? No, no, no. He'll rush for over 90 yards. What say you, Chaddies? What's that? I hope they fucking lose and she cries because of you.
Starting point is 00:36:52 I swear to God. I hope. I hope. I fucking hope they lose. Listen to me. I'm fucking enough. I try to like her and you, the Swifties, who are a fucking cult, make me hate them. Listen. I try to like her and you, the Swifties, who are a fucking cult, make me hate them. Listen, when I'm in the car, I'm singing fucking Bad Blood.
Starting point is 00:37:10 In the car. I'm singing the shit with my daughter. But then this fucking... I want them to lose. Paul, why can't you let these sad sicko fans have something to do on the weekend? Because of him. I will say this. I will say this. The level that they
Starting point is 00:37:32 are into her is disturbing. I loved ACDC when I was a kid and I went to go see them. But when they played Back in Black, I wasn't like, oh my God! Fainting crying yeah you fucking sang along you did a bump i mean it was the 80s i hope they do another show you think there's gonna be a second show i fucking love that guy back there um you said coke and he just
Starting point is 00:38:01 all right over under patrick mahomes wife is to spray champagne on the crowd whether they like it or not. Yes, again! One of my favorite people ever. Yeah, smoke that shit! That's fucking amazing. She needs her own show. I think Christian McCaffrey, here are the prop bets that I like, okay? I like Christian McCaffrey to rush over 90.
Starting point is 00:38:24 The number starts at 34, so 90, so you get money on that I like, okay? I like Christian McCaffrey to rush over 90. All right. The number starts at 34, so 90 is your good money on that. What's that? I'm starting at 34 and a half yards. Can you let the man fucking flow? He's going to get some nice yards. All of these nerds, nobody knows what's going to happen. Just let the man see things.
Starting point is 00:38:41 He's beat the book three years in a fucking row. After you, Paul. Go ahead, Paul Paul You're saying 90 What else What else What else happened During your vision What scares
Starting point is 00:38:49 In the steam room That steam was good right It is Paul when he's picking teams He's like that Who's the black dude In Predator Who finally sees it
Starting point is 00:38:58 When he's shaving his head I see you Over there in them trees That's Paul going Fucking 90 yards For Christian McCaffrey. I'm seeing it. I said that to you one time. One time I was like, because we pick four games.
Starting point is 00:39:15 So the podcast, we pick four games a week against the spread. And three weeks in a row or four weeks in a row, I went like three and one. And I remember I called you and I just go, dude, I'm seeing it different than everybody. I'm just seeing it, dude. And he does that voice, too. He goes down. It's almost a whisper. It's really uncomfortable.
Starting point is 00:39:36 Bill, I'm seeing it. Tell me, people don't know this, but I'm special. I see things that people don't see. My favorite thing this year was when you were losing and you called me up and you're like, yeah, man, you go that people don't see. My favorite thing this year was when you were losing and you called me up and you're like, yeah, man. You go, this isn't me. This isn't me. I'm like, well, it is you. You picked those fucking guys. Nah, man.
Starting point is 00:39:54 No, but you weren't. That's like somebody else, man. Somebody came into my body. But what did you say to me? You were like, no, dude. You're going to turn this around. You did. I did, but it was still funny. Let's not fast forward to the fact that you said This isn't me I don't
Starting point is 00:40:06 Like he had a tapeworm And there was something Affecting your Your logic It was 100% you 100% you Yeah Next year I'm telling you
Starting point is 00:40:15 You wanna win some money When it comes to October This guy's Mr. October He fucking murders In October And that's when you turn it around Yeah That's when I tank
Starting point is 00:40:24 I come out You come out... You come out strong. I come out strong. I talk a lot of shit. What is that? How many times are you going to keep talking to him? Just ignore him. I didn't see who it was. He's on his way to passing out. It sounds like a white wine
Starting point is 00:40:39 slur. It's usually a white woman. There you go. Give him more drinks. That's what he needs. That's what he needs. It'll make up for all the hugs that weren't given. One thing that scares me
Starting point is 00:40:53 about the 49ers is Purdy with Jesus. And let me rephrase. I'm all for Jesus, okay? But he's going like, it's just a game, you know? There's bigger things. It's just a game. There's bigger things. It's just a game. That scares me.
Starting point is 00:41:07 That's because he has the Lord in his life, Paul. No, I understand that. He's been saved. No, I understand that. There's a big part of him feels like the rest of his team might be left behind during the game. And he's just going to have a pile of pads there. And he's going to be up in that end zone in the sky.
Starting point is 00:41:24 What's your parlay? You have him thrown a pick? I'm not into religious people. I stay away from them. I respect them. It's not him. Like, who names their kid after a religion? I just don't understand it. This is my son, Hari Krishna.
Starting point is 00:41:42 Is it Harry? No, Hari. It's like you're laughing. Is that a religion, by the way, or is it just annoying people? I don't know. What's the difference between a Hari Krishna and a Jehovah's Witness? Jehovah's Witnesses dress better.
Starting point is 00:41:57 Hari Krishna's trying to get you in a public place. Jehovah Witnesses, they come where you eat. They come there like the fucking IRS. They got like a briefcase and shit. Yeah, they come to the door. Yeah. It's always the night after you got a hooker. They're fucking knocking on your door. They get you when you're weak.
Starting point is 00:42:17 Paul, they sent that hooker. They sent that hooker. I'm waiting for that Jehovah's Witness list to come up. Bill, you've been on Brock Purdy throwing a pick this whole week, right? You think he's going to throw one? I sent that hooker. I'm waiting for that Jehovah's Witness list to come out. That's the big one. Bill, you've been on Brock Purdy throwing a pick this whole week, right? You think he's going to throw one? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:30 You know, I saw that Ryan Clark was saying he gets a lot of balls are tipped and something like that. I feel like, I don't know. It's going to be, I don't want to see the 49ers trying to play catch up. Like, they've been doing that the whole time in place. Obviously, I don't think he can do it against the Chiefs. I do like... It just is a fan.
Starting point is 00:42:49 The 49ers go out, get the ball, win the toss, score a fucking touchdown, and then it just starts this Ali-Frazier shit. I could get into that. I think I can hold my excitement during the 38-minute commercial breaks that they're going to have. But no matter what, it can't be like SoFi Stadium, as far as my experience, is the worst stadium
Starting point is 00:43:10 to watch a game in as far as just the amount of extracurricular shit. The second there's a stoppage of play, they have this announcer literally every five seconds. He says shit like, it's a fair catch and the ball's at the 20th. It's just like, yeah, we have eyes, and there's numbers on the field. I love that he feels like he needs to growl, so I know that I'm watching football, and it's
Starting point is 00:43:35 real manly and shit. Fair catch. He's like going Jim McMahon. Not Jim McMahon. The other guy. Not Jim McMahon. Who's the... Vince McMahon. There Jim McMahon. The other guy. Not Jim McMahon. Who's the... Vince McMahon. There you go. I swear to God, I got to get my fucking brain checked.
Starting point is 00:43:48 Well, Andrew, we have a parlay to tell them that's available now. Yeah. Every week, these guys do a parlay, Monday night special. And you guys put one together earlier. That'll be on the OGN website. So tell everybody, you guys can take this parlay. This is one that we have to have fun with. So what is it?
Starting point is 00:44:05 That was yours. What was it again? Oh, all right. No, it was Mahomes to throw one. Was it? Pacheco touchdown, Bossa sack, and Debo TD. Oh, but you can't bet the sack. Yeah, it depends on what state you're betting in.
Starting point is 00:44:19 They don't accept sacks as a prop bet in certain states based on the subjective nature. Certain states don't know how to count sacks. Here you can. You guys want to guess the states? Here you can, of course. I'm going to go West Virginia. Huh?
Starting point is 00:44:38 Yeah, but some people, you know, they use an app. They might be home tomorrow. I don't know. They might have a flight. They don't know. They might have a flight. They don't have kids. I don't know. McCaffrey first touchdown. That's what you got?
Starting point is 00:44:52 What's that? Let me see this for the random shit. What page is the random stuff on? I want to see the random stuff. I can't believe if you bet a safety, it's not even that much money. I think that kid rice. I think that kid rice. Okay, so what do we got here?
Starting point is 00:45:13 Okay, Paul, I want some picks here. Okay. All right. Any score in the first six minutes of the game? Yes. Paul's going yes on that. Team to punt first in the game I mean that's
Starting point is 00:45:26 How could I Well that's what it is Paul It's fucking guessing I mean well how could I That's how confident you were He was so confident I love this guy He's the most honest guy ever
Starting point is 00:45:41 I go any punts in the first six minutes He's like no Like 100% I go alright first six minutes? He's like, no, like 100%. I go, all right, team to punt first. He's like, well, I mean, how could I answer that? I mean, that's just, I mean, what am I, C in the future? You did it, the question before. No, I think there's going to be a score within six minutes based on history of the game. Who do you think punts first? 49ers punt. 49ers punt.
Starting point is 00:46:08 There's some drunk people here. Somebody just said Patriots. Fucking Patriots. Tom Brady still. Jaguars in the over. Tom Brady's back in the end zone. The first two minutes. All right.
Starting point is 00:46:23 There you go. There you go. It's the problem with sports fans. It's just what it is. That's the kind of woman you want to see in a sidecar with a drunk rider. With plenty of telephone poles. Why did that visual just come to my head? I was trying to think.
Starting point is 00:46:42 What else do we have? I want her to die, but in a funny way. I mean, who dies in a sidecar in 2024? I mean, she was definitely a hipster. I bet she knew where to get the best coffee in Vegas. You know that. These are boring. First
Starting point is 00:46:57 team to score 10 points. This is crazy shit. I want... Alright, first team to use Coach's Challenge. 49ers. Oh, Bill, you always do the Gatorade part. The Raiders as a team are a Coach's Challenge. I love the confidence of Raider fans. It's really amazing. It's like 41 years since you won anything, and they're still like, Raiders. Like like anybody's nervous. Nobody's nervous. The worst. Burn it. Burn it.
Starting point is 00:47:29 Burn it. Burn it. Burn it. All that old school NFL under your highlights. You know? Bill, you always talk about the Gatorade. Coin toss winner. Coin toss winner. I always say tails. No, no. Who's going to win it? 49ers or Chiefs? Chiefs. I like 49ers. I like Chief tails. No, no. Who's going to win it? 49ers or Chiefs?
Starting point is 00:47:46 Chiefs. I like 49ers. All right. I like Chiefs. All right. All right. Color of the Gatorade. I actually hit this one.
Starting point is 00:47:53 This is his shit. You hit on orange. That's funny you said that. I'm picturing that or that fucking yellow shit you drink after a hangover. I don't think it's, but I don't think they're going to do team colors. It's not going to be red. It's not going to be purple. You know what? I think I like orange.
Starting point is 00:48:12 I do like orange. I like orange. Not because I'm a ginger either. All right? This isn't fucking home cooking here. All right. Is it time to get into the... Just chill.
Starting point is 00:48:26 Yeah, it's all right. What's the matter? It's all good. It's him again? It's all good. It's just him again. It's just what it is. It's just him again. Sounds like the next Taylor Swift song. It's just fucking him again. He should star in a show called Him Again. Alright, Paul.
Starting point is 00:48:41 Here's my tale of the tape. Patrick Mahomes Plays quarterback For the Chiefs Brock Purdy What? I'm just saying You got Patrick Mahomes Brock Purdy
Starting point is 00:48:52 You gotta go Patrick Mahomes And he's getting two points Paul This is my defense here Travis Kelsey Yeah He's got his chair dude He's got his Kansas City chair He's got his helmet
Starting point is 00:49:04 With the two beers He's gonna go out And sit down's got his Kansas City chair He's got his helmet with the two beers He's gonna go out and sit down in the zone And have like nine fucking catches So Andrew, let's do this They got Debo They got Debo Samuels You know? Yeah
Starting point is 00:49:13 So Andrew, let's do this You make Let's time Let's make our Super Bowl picks now Okay? We're gonna make our Super Bowl picks now Official Andrew, you start
Starting point is 00:49:21 What's your Super Bowl Let's Let's Let's do it. Andrew, go ahead. Andrew will start off. We're going to do our official Super Bowl picks on the Anything Better podcast right now. Let's go. Andrew, who do you got?
Starting point is 00:49:34 By the way, right now the active line is what? Two? Two. Wait, did it move to two and a half? Two and a half Niners? Check me out! Check me out. Alright, relax. Yeah, I'm going to move to two and a half? Two and a half Niners? I love that. All right, relax.
Starting point is 00:49:46 Fuck it. Yeah, I'm going to... It's probably the Chiefs, but I'm going to go Niners by a score. I just... I can't... I can't...
Starting point is 00:49:56 I just... I can't... It's too easy. I just can't say the Chiefs. It's too easy. Wow. Too easy? Yeah, it's too easy.
Starting point is 00:50:04 I mean, it's like, listen, everything's pointing Niners. I mean, where's the money right now? Where's all the money? Alex, where's the money right now? It's the Chiefs. Wait, the money's on the Chiefs and they're getting points. Yes. Yeah, that's why I just, I don't know. You say
Starting point is 00:50:20 it all season. You're like, I don't know. They're giving it to you. I don't know. Alright, class. I don't know. All right. Class. I would say... And I like the under. I mean, I can't go against the experience of the Chiefs.
Starting point is 00:50:35 The way the 49ers played the last two fucking weeks has not been impressive. Maybe they finally show up. I just don't think that you can do that. I just think Andy Reid has more experience. Whatever Christian McCaffrey's going to do, I think Pacheco can do enough of. You know what I mean? And also, dude, they're number one. They're number two in points allowed and rushing yards.
Starting point is 00:50:56 They have a decent defense, and I just feel like Patrick Mahomes just has the fucking mojo. He has the magic, and they're getting fucking points. I can't lay off that pull. I just can't fucking mojo. He has the magic, and they're getting fucking points. I can't lay off that, Paul. I just can't lay off it. My heart says I want the 49ers, I want the 49ers, but my money's going with the Chiefs. I got to bet the Chiefs. So all week me and Bill have been on the same page.
Starting point is 00:51:22 I was thinking Chiefs, no matter how much talent San Francisco has, I was just saying you can't go against Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelsey. But the last few days, the last few days, I have... Shut up, ma'am. The last few days I was thinking about it... It's an impatient crowd, Paul. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, no.
Starting point is 00:51:46 Listen. When you go... First of all, when you... Can you let the man build to a dramatic moment? Yes, yes. Jesus Christ, this fucking crowd of pre-ejaculators. I think that you can run on the Chiefs. I think there's too much talent with the 49ers.
Starting point is 00:52:06 But here's the big part about this. I think the 49ers losing to this team already did something to them. I think that it's going to be a close game. I think the 49ers are going to win it in the end and cover. And that's what I'm saying. I think that they're going to stop him. I think they're going to figure it out and do it. I have a conspiracy theory.
Starting point is 00:52:26 What? I have a conspiracy theory. I think one of the 49ers coaches pulled that fire alarm because he saw their team has not been fired up the whole playoffs. So they want to make it think that the Chiefs did it because they're all going, I'll tell you right now, that was not an accident. I'm the only one that saw that. Somebody pulled the fire alarm.
Starting point is 00:52:43 It's 6 a.m. Okay. All right. a.m. Okay. All right. Well, there you go. That's the tale of the tape, Paul. I think what? Over-under. Over-under is what?
Starting point is 00:52:54 47 and a half. I fucking hate this. It's always the under. But is it going to be the under? You take this one. Bill is more under-over guy than me. What do you think? I like the under.
Starting point is 00:53:03 Under. Under, because I think everybody's going to be like We fucking shoot up I think this is going to be one of these games That looks like it's going to go over in the first half And then they make their halftime adjustments And like another 10 points gets scored I think George Kittle at the end of the game
Starting point is 00:53:19 Is going to do something spectacular I think so So I'm taking the Niners Andrew has the Niners bill has the chiefs you got the over under i like the over you like the over paulie likes the over that's why this show works i like the niners and i like the over i like the chiefs and i like the under this man's won three years in a row all right so? So make sure you fucking, you know, make a smart move here. Paulie, what do you got coming up here?
Starting point is 00:53:48 We got, well, if you're in Chicago, I'm shooting my next special February 24th at the Denton Theater in Chicago. You can check that out. Yeah, just go to paulverzi.com and check out all my live dates. And you will be at, that's going to be another Netflix special.
Starting point is 00:54:03 Oh, and I will be for the Netflix Comedy Festival. If you're in Los Angeles, you will be at that's going to be another Netflix special. And I will be for the Netflix Comedy Festival. If you're in Los Angeles, I will be performing May 10th at the Troubadour. You can check that out too on May 10th. The Late Show at the Troubadour for Netflix. Have you ever performed there? I have not. It's amazing.
Starting point is 00:54:20 It's an incredible venue. If you guys are out in LA, you should definitely try to check that out. Alright, so I got to ask you guys a question here. Me and Virzi want to go smoke some cigars. Yes. Where is... Can you do that here? I don't understand.
Starting point is 00:54:31 Like, I understand hookers can walk around in the casino, but that's because they're not smoking cigars. Is that how I understand it? Like, how does that work? I did see a guy smoking a cigar at a crap table last time I was here, but these two ladies were mean mugging him. So he was like 6'4". So he had the fucking cigar up like way over their heads.
Starting point is 00:54:53 It was fucking hilarious. He was throwing the dice, and then he would go like that. It's just like, could you just let the man smoke? You know? Sometimes I really wish, though, that I was born. This is a white thing to say, that I was born this is a white thing to say, that I was born 40 years earlier because I didn't have to deal with segregation
Starting point is 00:55:10 and all of that shit. Any period was great to be a white guy. You just had to pick the clothes. I liked the cars during that. I saw this footage one time. I always bring this up. I saw footage of the World Series when they still used to play it during the day. It was like the early
Starting point is 00:55:25 70s. There was a guy who had box seats. He was sitting on the third baseline. He had on a shirt and tie with short sleeves. And he was sitting there smoking a fucking cigar. There was kids around. Nobody even looked at him. Didn't even look at him. I was just going like, I missed that?
Starting point is 00:55:42 That is when you died at like 58, but there was something. Yeah. That's when you spoke on an airplane too. But nobody was, you didn't know what you were doing. You didn't know that eating fucking steak every night and fucking, you know,
Starting point is 00:55:53 smoking, you know, a whole carton of cigarettes every week. Doing blow in Vegas. Yeah, you just did it and then you just died. And there was no doctor going, you know, your cholesterol's really high. You got to cut back.
Starting point is 00:56:08 And everybody making you feel bad. Your teeth were like as brown as the stage. You know? What's that? You could check out... Oh, 8 Lounge? Oh, it is. Oh, thank you. What's the store?
Starting point is 00:56:26 Oh, all right. Oh, thank you. What's the store? Oh, all right. We're degenerates. We're going to end up being behind the casino next to the air conditioner. We always end up there. We're going to be freezing outside in front of the fountain for sure. With a couple of launchers. Yeah. And you're going to be going, doesn't get any better than this.
Starting point is 00:56:41 That's fucking him. Yeah. That's him. I ever tell you... Paul loves a day off you Paul loves a day off Paul loves a day off Yeah I never tell
Starting point is 00:56:47 I don't think I ever Told this story in the podcast One time me and Verzi We did this benefit Of something right And after we were done With the benefit The lady that did it
Starting point is 00:56:56 Was so cool She got everybody Like a vintage bottle of scotch This is back when I was boozing So it's the middle of winter We're in New York It's fucking freezing out And we're driving back
Starting point is 00:57:04 To his house right And he goes Dude He. We're in New York. It's fucking freezing out. And we're driving back to his house, right? And he goes, dude, he goes, we're going to fucking crush this bottle tonight. We're going to be smoking sticks and all that shit. I'm thinking, like, this is going to be amazing. And it wasn't until we pull into his driveway, and I'm looking at toys in the front yard and shit. I'm going like, wait a minute.
Starting point is 00:57:18 This guy's, like, married with two kids, and everybody's home. I'm like, Paul, where the fuck are we going to do this? And he goes, oh, don't worry, dude. We're going to go to my garage. We're going to go to my garage. So I'm picturing this guy's got a man cave. He's got the fucking leather seats and the kegerator and all that shit.
Starting point is 00:57:32 Dude, we walk in. It's a garage, right? There's like rakes and creepy old toys and shit. Like, oh, my God. Fucking sofas. It's like a storage unit. It fucking had everything. So he doesn't say anything.
Starting point is 00:57:46 I don't want to be rude. So we're standing in the fucking garage. The only light is coming from like the street light at the end of the driveway through one of these little fucking square windows. And we're sitting there dead silent. And we got ice in our drinks because you got to keep it cold. It's like fucking minus 30. And we're smoking these cigars dead silent. I can't even feel my toes.
Starting point is 00:58:06 And finally, I look over, and I'm with that dumb street light in his eyes, just like right across here, and he just looks at me, and he goes, it doesn't get any better than this. You got to, I enjoy life. I enjoy fucking life. And I wanted to be like, no, Paul, it gets a lot better than this. We could have chairs. We could have climate control.
Starting point is 00:58:30 I like to have fun. That said, who's got coke? You? Kidding. That was one of the... That was one of those moments where I didn't know what to say to you. I was just going like, I can't help this guy. He's gradually become a human being, though.
Starting point is 00:58:51 The first time I went over his house, when you and Stace, before you even had your kids, I went over there, and she goes, Jesus, Paul, you have company. Go get him a beer or something. I swear to God, he went in, and he grabbed this like, you know those plastic cups you used to have in your bathroom? And, like, he grabbed a plastic cup. No, but it was frosted. No, it wasn't. You grabbed it out of the cabinet and he just goes,
Starting point is 00:59:13 he just turned it off like that. It was like, you tried to be polite, you just looked at it. She goes, what the fuck are you doing? No, Paul, you wanted to. Dude, it's like you were raised by wolves. I'm like, you've got to like... I couldn't believe you drank as much as you did and you didn't know how to pour somebody a fucking beer.
Starting point is 00:59:32 That's when I realized, Paul, you were a little touched. I did. And I was like, I'm going to stick with this guy. Anyways, before we were... We've done our picks and everything here, but I do want to take time to thank all you guys for listening to this podcast. Because you guys listen to this podcast, we got to come here, bet MGM, rolling out the red carpet for us. We love the feedback that you guys have been giving us, and I hope all you guys have a good time.
Starting point is 01:00:01 I don't know if you guys have ever been to the Raiders Stadium. It's fucking unbelievable. Wait, wait, can I just say something? By the way, by the way, know if you guys have ever been to the Raiders Stadium. It's fucking unbelievable. Wait, wait. Can I just say something? By the way, by the way, the one thing about our podcast is like, fuck ESPN. You know what I mean? I'm not saying that. No, no, no.
Starting point is 01:00:12 All right. I shouldn't say that. I'm sorry. I shouldn't say that. I shouldn't say that. No, I went too hard. Paul, we're trying to get syndicated here. No, no, no.
Starting point is 01:00:20 I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said fuck ESPN. All these other sports shows can eat at this. Let me tell you something. But we beat the book against the spread. All these people go out and go, oh, I like the Bills tonight. Fucking really? Yeah, we know.
Starting point is 01:00:33 We go with the points, and we're ahead of it, winning money for you. And that's what we want to do. We want to be real. It's easy to be on ESPN. I shouldn't just keep saying ESPN. You know what I mean. Paul, you have a bone to pick with ESPN, and I am not going to get in the way of it. easy to be on ESPN or any... I shouldn't just keep saying ESPN. You know what I mean. Paul, you have a bone to pick with ESPN and I am not going to get in the way of it.
Starting point is 01:00:48 Let's be honest. ESPN changed for the worse. Fuck them. I don't need to hear their fucking stupid social fucking... Fuck you. All I'm saying is, me and... I've never heard them do anything social. It's just my thing is they just...
Starting point is 01:01:03 They used to just show, like like Australian rules football to fill up time rather than fucking having another five idiots sitting around talking about sports like we are. Oh, Jesus. Kind of talked myself into a corner there. No, I just don't want to hear Scott Van Pelt talk about like social shit. That's all. What? How can you go against a fellow bald?
Starting point is 01:01:26 I like Scott. I'm just saying we talk and we do it against the book and nobody else does. That's all I'm saying. All right, I get it. You had a couple of drinks. You're kind of feeling yourself, you know. Pauly likes to talk shit.
Starting point is 01:01:37 I talk a little shit. All right, anyway. Thank you guys so much for listening. Thank all you guys for coming out. I hope you all win money. And I think it's going to be a legendary show. Yeah,
Starting point is 01:01:49 I think that's it. If you guys, thank you for the shout out of where to get the cigars. Thanks again. And one more time for Andrew Themelis. Yeah,
Starting point is 01:01:56 he puts it all together, guys. And Jake the Snake. Enjoy the game. Enjoy the game. If you're a Chiefs fan, Niners fan, enjoy the game. Be safe. Don't be that drunk asshole throwing shit at people. Enjoy the game. If you're a Chiefs fan, Niners fan, enjoy the game. Be safe.
Starting point is 01:02:05 Don't be that drunk asshole throwing shit at people. Enjoy the game. Thank you guys so much. We appreciate you. All right, thank you. One more time. Check out the Anything Better podcast. One more time for Paul Berzy and Bill Burr. Gracias.

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