Anything Better? - Luxury & Convenience
Episode Date: August 6, 2022Bill and Paul talk about napping pilots, athletes acting, and watch someone improperly start a car fire....
Transcript
Discussion (0)
What's up everybody and welcome back to the Anything Better podcast show with your host
Paul Berzy, Bill Burr, producer Andrew Thunless.
We are back everybody.
We are back.
We are better than ever and you guys
listening to episode 66 uh who who are in there oh this is this is some good ones no no mario right
yasiel puig don't fight why'd you why'd you go right to the end of the movie
i know you just look stop acting like you're a hockey fan. No, I'm not.
Of course I look.
Yeah.
Who's that?
Guy Lafleur?
Guy Lafleur?
Yes, C.L. Puig.
Is that how you say his name?
Yeah, but I heard he's in, like, Korea now.
I don't know.
He was on the Dodgers.
He was awesome.
And then they shipped him to Cincinnati, and now he's in Korea, I think.
I don't know. Must be paying him some some nice money and then we got Jerry Staley uh he played for the
White Sox 56 to 1961 hockey as Paul said Mario Lemieux the six foot six Wayne Gretzky? Oh, it was Wayne Gretzky, the 5'11 Mario Lemieux.
The debate rages on.
In basketball, you had Price Brookfield.
I'll tell you, when Price Brookfield used to heat up, Paul,
back in the 1940s, Jesus Christ.
The other teams, Chuck Taylors, were soaked with tears.
All right, 66.
Where is it?
Where is it?
Where is it?
Scrolling down.
Look at all the episodes we've done.
Oh, Nick Bonacani.
Rest his soul.
Can't even talk today.
Gene Hickerson.
Floyd Little.
Floyd Little wore 44.
I think they get on the internet like any time they would have wore it.
Oh, Ray nitsky
the green bay packers billy shaw clyde turner nitsky just sound ray nitsky just sounds like
a fucking ball all right hey put in nitsky he knows this guy
dude that guy too he went like bald the old school way. You know what I mean?
Yeah. You look at that guy, it's like there's no way his son ever tried to beat him in a fight.
Speaking of hair or lack thereof, Bill, I'm not going to lie to you.
I've known you about, what, 15 years we've been friends?
I met you.
Well, we met in 05, but we didn't become friends until about 07.
Not going to lie to you.
I didn't trust you until 09, but go ahead. Hey going to lie to you. I didn't trust you till 09, but go ahead.
Hey, I'm Sicilian. I didn't trust you till 11.
Hey, there's two sides to that coin. The beard looks good, dude. You know what? The thicker
the beard, you look, I saw you, I saw you out there when I was in Los Angeles. You're looking,
you're one of those guys.
Because, listen, I'm not going to mention names on the podcast, okay?
But, hey, I've seen a couple of guys' comics around your age.
Let's just say it's a little rough, okay?
You're aging gracefully, dude.
But I like the beard.
The beard looks good on you.
Aging gracefully is easy, Paul.
You just be your age. Just be your age be your yeah but you take care of yourself it's not like you're doing no i do take care of
myself i but i look good for my age it's not like somebody look at me like are you 26
right no i know what you mean i mean i could maybe get away with 51 dude stacy saw a guy we saw a guy
that i went to high school with on like facebook
and dude he's like a year older than me dude and my wife was just like my wife like knew him we
knew him we're just like wow that's him dude it just fucking fell apart that kid was like always
like not even bad genes i just think he fucking had a family and just fucking threw the towel
through the towel and dude i. I mean, it is.
Yeah.
No, you know what happened?
There's a bunch of things that happen.
You know, like one of the first things when you fucking move out is what they don't tell you is you have to become your own parent.
Like, okay, buddy, it's time to go to bed.
You're eating too many cookies.
You're drinking too much and all that shit it's just
like you go from literally like it's like you know like athletes their whole life they just
you know they just they told me to go to practice then they took me to lunch and blah blah blah and
i got out in the real world i didn't know what to do right and then they hang themselves no that
was shawshank what i'm combining fucking things here um that happens what happens with with like kids yeah get out in the fucking real world you know and there's an anxiety to that and then you just
just it just goes off the fucking rails yes uh people a lot of people what's one thing a lot
of people don't own paul when they first move out what's once again oh a scale you got to get on the
scale see what you're doing we go in the
right direction are we maintaining yeah but you also need my tips bill on how to look 52 and a
half when you're 54 you want to 18 months no fuck a scale how about a mirror dude you look in the
mirror and you see your neck and your fucking face bloating i don don't use a scale. And anytime I slip, I go.
It's too late.
It's too late.
You don't use a scale because you don't like the answer.
No, look, I'm doing good, dude.
I'm doing good.
I'm smart.
Every time.
Not like people say.
I went and passed over.
No, but I.
I went to pass over.
I put on a few.
It's what Pop wanted.
It's not what I wanted.
I was looked over.
No, but like, do you think a guy gets-
Looking at yourself in the mirror is not the way to go.
Because you'll put on 10 before you notice.
I got to, dude, I got to be honest with you.
Me, my dad, and my brother, I could be heavier quickly and lose weight quickly.
So if I see in the neck I had a couple slices of pizza, a couple sodas,
I'm like, calm the fuck down.
I can see it here in the fucking jowls in this.
Paul, I've said it before.
And I'll say it again.
You don't work out.
You take a stroll.
Bill, I do my push-ups every day.
No, I do my push-ups every day. Okayups every day. Okay. I do. I go for walks.
I walk the dog far. I fucking play with the kids. I'm acting.
You work out like a guy in his fifties. You do pushups.
You don't do anything for your fucking back.
You're going to fuck up your shoulders. Like I did.
I'm trying to help you here, Paul.
You know, this all starts with a compliment to bill. And now it's me.
Well, what am I supposed to lie to you?
You need a scale.
No, I can tell.
You know, I have a couple extra fucking meatballs.
I see my earlobes sweating a little bit.
I put on my fucking, I put on my Nike Uptowns.
I do two walks around the track and eat a piece of lettuce.
And I'm like, and then I do this.
I'm also one of these guys. I'm good.
Look at this. It's
coming down. I don't need a scale. I got
this.
Here's another one.
Here's another. This is a
fat guy one.
You stand there talking and keep doing this?
Yeah, you know, you watched the Yankee
game last night?
Oh, it's so fucking funny.
Just standing there, they're perspiring.
Trying to get the T-shirt off them so they don't get the fucking man boot sweats.
Yeah, dude, somebody was talking about, like,
some of the casts of old movies.
And, like, dude, Tom tom cruise looks whatever that guy's fucking
doing dude that guy looks like they showed a side by side of him and it's just like that guy is
fucking looks fantastic then they showed like other cast members how do you do that paul i don't know
he must be on this stairmaster that's what it got a scale. I like those before and after pictures of somebody who's just fucking yoked when they're 25,
and then they show them at 51, and they're still fucking yoked.
That's all.
Dude, that's HGH.
It's all of that shit.
Dude, I did a podcast out there when I was out there.
I'm not saying Tom Cruise is on HGH.
No, I know.
I know.
I'm just saying.
They all get a little bit of fairy dust.
You know, a little fucking this, a little that.
I did a podcast.
A whole lot of this.
And this kid goes like this.
This kid goes, he goes, yeah, he goes, we were talking about how as you age,
you see people you've known and some of them look different.
And he runs into this guy.
He's on that Danish and O'Neill show.
And he goes, he runs up to this guy.
And the guy goes, hey, dude, what's up, man?
What's going on?
He said he didn't recognize him.
And the kid just goes, no, dude, dude, I got fat.
He goes, it's my bad.
I gained 100 something pounds.
He goes, I gained 100 something pounds.
It's not you.
It's me.
I love that guy.
And then the guy who goes, oh, no, I'm not saying that.
I just, you know, it's been years.
He's being a nice guy.
Yeah, they were both being nice.
That's what's on me.
I got crazy with the Entenmanns.
Look right in here.
There it is.
Hey, there I am.
Hey, seventh grade science.
You remember?
Cheating off your test.
Look over your shoulder.
There it is.
Hey.
He goes, I love that that guy you love the honesty like
no no to me i let myself go to my don't feel bad i fucked up i fucked up um no but look
listen i do think at the end of the day we're responsible adults who are in relationships you
lay in bed dude you lay in bed with your wife and
like you guys are like laying there you know if like somebody's slipping you know you're like
what am i doing here you really can't sleep right you fucking roll over your fucking stomach as well
you know you know i know I miss you Bill
how far do you let it go Paul
you're like
I can't fucking sleep
I got my belly
fucking going over
I don't even get to that dude
I'm too fucking vain
no but I just
I said all the time
God damn it
look at this
look at this shit
I'm a fat fuck
and my wife's like
you're not fat you have body dysmorphia. And I'm just like, I hold myself to a higher
standard. I said to my dad, I go, dad, cause my dad would get thin real quick. Like I would see
my daddy guy look at me. I'm fuck. I feel like shit. And then I go to his house and he was just
really, and I go, dad. So I called him up one time. I go, dad, I got, I had an audition or I had to do some show. I wanted to look good for,
and I go, dad, I remember that time he got skinny real quick. What do you do? And my dad, dude,
as earnest as he could be, I swear to God, he said this. I'm not even joking. He just goes,
all right, here's what you do. You need to look thin quick. He goes, don't eat for four days.
He goes, don't eat for four days, water and don't eat anything really for four days he just he goes don't eat for four days water and don't eat anything
really for four days he goes and you'll look you'll you'll look great like okay that's why
you've never figured it out that's why we've never figured it out well fasting i guess supposed i
don't know i don't know shit about it i just when i look down yeah and and like I just don't like getting that that thick torso.
You know what I mean?
Like you turn around in the mirror and it just kind of keeps going.
She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes.
And then I'll say, you like, you know, pants are coming down and all of that.
Fuck that.
I've been on a scale in three months because I already know what it's going to tell me.
I talked to one dude.
He goes, dude, I can't put my shoes on, dude.
He goes, I got to like sit down and put my shoes on and get help.
He goes, it's, you know, and I'm just like, dude, that's like a level where you're like, whoa, dude.
Hey, sweetie, put my socks on.
I got a few.
I got to it a few months ago.
I was putting my shoes on.
I had to make an effort.
Yeah, he's fighting with his wife.
And she's like, well, fuck you.
Put your own socks on.
She just leaves.
He's sitting there like shit.
He can't get dressed.
He's just laying back on the bed.
Oh,
you're going to take it to this level.
Really?
We're going to take it to this.
Hey,
what would happen if I did that to you?
Well,
then the lawn's not getting done guys.
Fuck.
Oh my God, dude. That's not getting done. Guys, fuck. Oh, my God, dude.
That's fucking hilarious.
Anyway, I had a great time.
Dude, I'm not going to lie.
I was just in Los Angeles.
And I was never so busy in my life.
I did 10 shows between podcasts, television shows, live radio, Rich Eisenisen doing all this stuff doing all the podcasts
oh my god dude we talked we talked about a couple stories with you about how i went into a hotel i
didn't like and you go dude you're you're up you're getting up there in the biz go get another
hotel then we argued brady in montana so long that i couldn't even get the other hotel and we were
bursting out laughing uh he was he was great we had a great
time and then i took i did a show in silver lake i did like an hour and 12 minutes on stage and had
to run to the airport i got on a 1 a.m red eye to new york and uh i was like oh my god i had the
i got the extra space because it was too last minute it was too late uh the the mint the jet
blues first class was like taken and they were
like wanted so much money last minute so i got the the one right behind it where you get the extra
space and nobody the plane's packed except my row i'm by myself i got all three to myself so i tried
laying in a fetal because i was so tired i laid in a fetal position on all three and the fucking
belt was just digging him digging him but I fell asleep because I was so tired.
I woke up like somebody pelted me with metal.
Well, it's the in between the seats, too.
They got it all figured out.
I like how the side of the plane, too.
It's just far enough where it bugs this.
So you got to take your sweatshirt, stuff it in here.
And that doesn't work no but i was in
target the other day i saw a guy you know they just fucking sell everything he had a neck pillow
bananas in some sort of like muscle milk and he was just walking around like he didn't even have
like a like a little you know those baskets so he literally he went in there to buy one thing and it was like oh wait a minute these
I fell random have you ever flown a red eye it is fucking bizarre dude I woke up to go to the
bathroom and I said I tweeted I said it's like you're in a psychological thriller and everybody
on the plane was murdered dude everyone's like this the whole fucking plane everyone's like this
and you're one of those space movies and you're the first naked person to wake up.
Hey, guys, guys, we're here.
Come on.
Grabbing cold toes.
Come on, guys.
You watch adult women sleep as ugly as adult men.
I promise you, dude.
This fucking woman was like this.
Well, no, you get back in coach.
You get back to coach.
Everybody looks like they got whacked in the Godfather
because everybody's sitting in a chair.
It's true.
I took a red eye back there on Tuesday night,
but I had the lie flat, Paul.
Nice.
The lie flat.
Yeah.
Are you a one airline guy or no? Or you mix them up with all of them? I had the lie flat, Paul. Nice. The lie flat. Yeah. That's it.
Are you a one airline guy or no?
Or you mix them up with all of them?
No, I don't do the frequent flyer miles.
I don't do any of that.
You just take whichever one is available.
I have commitment issues, Paul.
I don't do that.
I just, you know, I don't, I just don't want to hear it.
I don't want to hear from them. I just don't like the whole chasing the fucking carrot with those people.
And then they always come up with the way that you need to do just a little bit more to get to the next level of status.
And then they just keep making the herd run a little bit more and commit a little bit more.
And I just wish everybody collectively would be like fuck you and your
fucking sky miles that's it yeah I'm just trying to get to the point where I get I go private
that's part of my goal in life I'm going private with the family I'm taking the family global
warming huh what about you heard me yeah you know look yeah i got i turned into vinnie bob marie what
no uh look i want to take my kids to italy private what do you want me to do
you know it's like i'm not gonna do it all the time but i buy half a room for that fucking price
somebody needs to come out with an affordable private jet man they need to make it all the time but i half a roam for that fucking price somebody needs to come out with an
affordable private jet man they need to make it affordable just out of curiosity paul what the
fuck is wrong with first class and not only that you got a big ass plane so if the turbulence gets
bad you got all that weight on your side that's true no that's true that's actually a couple of
pilots up there.
Dude, you fly private.
Look at how the fucking people are dressed.
You're going to see ripped slacks.
There's no money in aviation.
When you fly private-
I'll tell you when I fly private,
when my wife is there.
Oh, your wife loves private?
No, I just have a rule.
It's just like, it's like, if I'm going to Vegas, you know, a quick little one.
It's like, I'm not doing that other thing.
It's just like, it's like, it's so...
What do you mean quick little one?
Paul, I got to tell you something, Paul.
Flying private is so fucking stupid.
It's so fucking stupid.
What does a little one mean?
What do you mean if you're going to Vegas, you go little one? a what does a little one mean what do you mean
if you're going to vegas so you go i mean like a little quick trip oh not a little plane it's it's
just yeah you're gonna take a little plane paul if you get a fucking private jet that you can
actually stand up in like it just it's over you said little ass ones will you get up and you're
like this you gotta take a piss in the back
standing up like that you had to move the snack tray and blah blah that's still gonna cost
you like 20 grand yeah it's not worth it it isn't yeah it's not worth it it's stupid and the whole
time you get there what did you do you? You avoided a little, some lines or whatever,
but you could have got there on Southwest for 300 bucks.
And you're commuting with other people.
You know, I don't know.
I think if they come up with like electric planes
and rather than putting this shit into the atmosphere,
we just put those batteries in the ground
so we can start hook, you know,
heating us up from the other side.
Paul, it's really not an electric plane or anything like that. It's a population problem. in the ground so we can start heating us up from the other side.
Paul, it's really not an electric plane or anything like that. It's a
population problem. I've said it for fucking years.
I'm a moron. There's too many goddamn
people out there. And then guys like you,
Paul, you know, your chains,
your Jordan 1s,
and you like the lifestyle. You choose
yourself, Paul. You choose yourself over the
trees that you love to look at.
I'm more of a Jordan 3 guy. Okay, Jordan three cements my fault join threes hey you said two pilots there
there has to be two pilots on private as well right or no that's a law right i don't know i
don't know i don't know what the rules are but there are always two pilots yeah no yeah you have
to you can't it's i think it's illegal have to. You can't. It's illegal.
You can't fly with one pilot.
Oh, so you just want to quiz me there?
No, no, no.
I was just saying, because you said two pilots, and I thought maybe, you know, I thought maybe Kenny was getting it.
So Kenny was skimping.
Dude, that would be fucking wild, dude.
A few times I've flown private.
What's cool is, you know is they're flying an instrument flight.
So they put it on autopilot, and you're just flying from one fix to another.
There's these invisible points in the sky.
And once you program in, you open up your book,
and you can choose what instrument flight route you want to use.
Once you put that in and then you put it into your fucking whatever the hell it's called, the Garmin that you have.
Yeah.
The plane gets like up to 1,000 feet and they just hit autopilot and it just flies to the fix.
And I stood up there and watched it.
I go, so this thing's because I saw it was going to turn this way.
The guy had no hands on the thing.
Fucking plane just goes like that.
Yeah, they were talking about how the pilots sleep up there,
how like one will sleep and the other one won't.
And one was like, no, they were saying like, no, there's a percentage.
Like if you're going long, they both could take a nap.
That just freaks me out that the guys are going to Hawaii and they're just like,
hey, dude, dude, Ted, get up, get up.
We got like 45.
We're going to start to decline.
That's what you got the alarm system for.
That's a great way to come out of sleeping.
Pull up.
Pull up.
Oh, fuck, shit.
I thought you said I could take a nap.
Let me ask you this, Paul.
So when you get to all of that level, do you worry about being the isolated person?
What do you mean?
Well, I mean, then, you know, if you're flying private, Paul, I mean, how are you getting to the airport?
You're going to have, like guys coming out, carrying you out.
Like you sit on those thrones.
Yeah,
dude,
I don't mind.
I don't want to be a pain in the ass.
I like this black Escalade,
but I needed white.
I need white on white.
You know,
I wore the white today.
If you could just,
you know me,
I would never treat anybody bad,
but if I get to a level of money,
that's just, I just want to, I just want, all I want is anybody bad, but if I get to a level of money, that's just,
I just want to, I just want, all I want is luxury and convenience. That's it. That's it. Two things,
luxury and convenience for me and the people I'm with that I love that I want to make happy.
That's it. I'm not asking them. I'll treat everybody with respect. And by the way,
everybody gets tipped. Everybody's going to get tipped cash. Everybody's going to be happy.
And everybody's going to know that when they deal with me, they're like,
oh, this kid's going to throw you a fucking couple C notes just for opening
the door.
That 100%.
Everyone's taken care of and happy.
That much I can promise you.
Everybody's taken care of and happy.
They're going to be like, oh, dude, we're picking up Verzi today.
We're picking up Verzi today.
It's going to be a good day.
That's what I want.
That's what I want that's that's what i want this guy you know i just love the momentum it's just like well you know everybody's getting tips and then you pause you're just like
i mean you open the door you're getting two c notes i mean when people hear me coming they're
gonna be like you just keep taking it It just keeps going up the stairs.
If I didn't interrupt, you would have been standing up yelling,
I'll tell you right fucking now.
Like you're doing a wrestling promo about how much you're going to tip
when you fly private.
Oh, shit.
Oh, I'll tell you what.
Me and Bartnick had a great one.
Bartnick, so I was going to do that Supernova show.
And then I found out that the owners got COVID, so that got canceled.
So I was at the apartment in Beverly Hills there, nothing to do.
You know, and I go, all right, fuck it.
I go, Bartnick, you were away.
So I go, Bartnick, you want to go get a glass of wine and some meatballs?
You know, yeah, whatever you want, yeah.
We're in Beverlyly hills this is great
so we go to dantanis over there i love that fucking place and we do we were talking to the
fucking bartender when they closed down they let us stay in a little bit he's just telling us these
amazing stories of people that came in there drinking red wine eating meatballs couple of
shrimp and it was just so great and versi's i mean uh and and bartender goes how great is this
i wish i was there dude well what was some of the i know everybody's been in there
oh dude yeah it's just like gandolfini used to fly to LAX call the bartender
and said the plane just touched down I'll be there in 20 minutes and get and he would get the steak
rest his soul he would get the steak and he'd go and he'd sit down he'd eat the steak
you know just got like celebrities would come and knock on the door he was just like dude he was
just like yeah he goes he said the original owner wouldn't sell it until he finally finally did he never wanted a partner and then he finally sold
it in uh this bartender's been there since 08 but he said he finally sold it i don't know if it was
like 11 or 12 he finally sold it not long ago but um yeah he was just the same vibe he was put he
did not want a partner the guy dan ten he did not want a partner the guy Dan Tannen he did not want a partner and then finally
that's a smart move in business that's a smart move especially if it's yeah if it's a well-oiled
machine rob your blind yeah if it's making money and you kind of have it as a well a well-oiled
machine that's been working and then some guy goes hey I'll buy a piece you're like
you know it's it's the only and the only time you go partners as if it's
i go partners with you question when you fly private are you going to take that selfie in
front of the plane and act like you don't know people are taking your picture no you look down
that way no i won't do that i won't do that but i'll take a picture if there's like
see i'm the guy that i'm I knew with a bunch of platinum on you.
No,
come on.
No,
I would,
no,
I would take the picture of like the,
the sushi.
Like I would take the picture of like the sushi or if they had gummy bears or
candy,
like the little,
little things that I like,
like those amenities,
I would take pictures of that.
You know,
like if,
if they were like,
Paul,
we got you some,
we know you like gummy bears and sushi. We thought that that would be a nice little thing. You know, I would take a picture of that and say like, ah, you know like if if they were like paul we got you some we know you like gummy bears and sushi
we thought that that would be a nice little thing you know i would take a picture of that and say
like ah you know something like that but i wouldn't be in front of the plane like like i wouldn't do
or like you know or like you know pointing or like you know like uh no i wouldn't do that i don't know
come on paul no no fresh shaved head you got your sunglasses on it's a beautiful
day no no um you not even said it to your wife bill the only time you saw me what you're married
no no sicilian drake you're not gonna take that fucking you start getting the lions in your beard
oh we're losing paul that's when I know you're going to have money,
when you start to look like in your 20s you were in a boy band.
No, I wouldn't do that.
People start coming up to you.
We were in O-Town?
We were in O-Town?
No, man, that ain't me.
That ain't me.
No, Berzy.
Berzy, I tell jokes.
All right.
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Remember me and you?
You called me out.
See, the thing is I got friends that would call me out like the same way.
You know, there's a couple people like you.
But when I got drunk on that boat and i was like
eight drinks in with no shirt on and i was in good shape and i was hammered on the boat and i did that
and you just go you just go you you go dude i just saw that thing he goes please tell me you
this is what bill said he goes i just saw the picture you please tell me you're drinking right
now or something i was like oh dude i'm hammered oh you took a shirtless
photo i was like oh no we're losing them yeah i was like no dude you go you you please tell me
you're drunk i go bill i'm eight in dude i'm fucking hammered and you go yeah dude he goes
you even had the look on your face like i'm not like that you know i'm not like that
i know that level drunk i saw that at the alamo. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
You put on a display when we were in San Antonio.
Shirt came off.
Remember that?
Dude, that was a flip phone picture.
I took a picture and you were just like, dude, let's take a fucking crazy picture at the Alamo.
Watch this.
You take your shirt off.
What the fuck is he doing?
Holds it up.
You were just like.
You had your face. Dude, if that was a horror movie.
Yeah, you did, dude. You had your face. Dude, if that was a horror movie. Yeah, you did, dude.
You looked like George the Animal Steel.
I took the picture.
I remember looking at it.
Whoa, dude, look at that.
You should be in a movie, dude.
That looks sick.
I really, really love not drinking.
And what really sucks is I really, love having a buzz so I found the
pretty the happy medium where I can have two drinks now but they have to be nice dude I did
Andrew Santino's podcast dude and uh he goes Verzi he goes I know it's called whiskey ginger you do
not have to you know he's like you don't have to drink it whatever he's like some people but if you
want and I go and he goes I got one of the best whiskeys in the world over there and i just go i mean dude how you can't tell
me that is it yeah you know i'll have one you can't hey i got one of the best whiskeys in the
world luxurious and convenient yeah and then his the glass he had didn't sit down like a normal
glass it went on its side and it rolled so it had it was so the bottom of it was like a sphere like a
like a sphere like like a triangle and it just rolled around and he poured this shit in it dude
and i sipped it three sips in i was like it's the greatest podcast i ever been on this is fucking
you know how to make somebody feel comfortable dude it was but i had two and i was it felt
incredible and i was able to leave it at there.
It took me 40 something years to drink, but dude, waking up now, two drinks.
It sucks.
It two drinks.
And I feel it.
It's fucking stinks.
Yeah.
You would think somebody would invent something to fix that.
Something like, why?
Like, is it, you know, there's's they say that there's a pill where they
guarantee if you take it you'll never be hung over but that's bullshit or you could just listen to
your body going like all right dude just try not to do this you know what i mean like all of that
shit where you you uh you go around it all those pilots who just inhaled like straight oxygen
because you're depriving your brain of like oxygen or something like that it's really bad i mean i You go around it, all those pilots who just inhaled straight oxygen.
Because you're depriving your brain of oxygen or something like that.
It's really bad.
I mean, I really wish I didn't drink to the level.
I mean, I had fun, Paul.
I had a hell of a career.
Wait, what do you mean pilots with the thing over there?
You mean the fighter pilots?
No.
I mean, it's a thing like in aviation.
You're not supposed to drink eight hours before if you go a little.
Oh, OK. Fucking really hung over, whatever. You just pure oxygen.
Evidently, that gets you where you need to be.
I did this thing one time at who was I think it might have been like comedian Joe Matters.
Some goes, dude, you got to do that. I could never get through it. I was laughing so hard.
A pilot is just sick and hung over from like eating like fast food and throwing up
and he's just like, he's like, yeah,
folks, we're going to be about 37,000
feet. If you look to the left,
we're going to be going over Utah in a
little bit. And he's like, we'll talk
to you soon. Dude, you got to take over to throw
it. Just take, tell the other guy
throwing up and shit. That's scary, man. Because that because that's the thing too it's like you don't you
don't okay so you don't drink you're not doing drugs they don't say like hey don't keep eating
hearties every fucking day before you get up that's we got two guys up there oh no man i saw
this kid i i talked about it on stage in michigan i go can you iron your shirt this kid was like
looked like he was in 10th grade and his shirt was all fucked up.
And I said, he looked like he still lived at home going,
Ma where's my Delta shirt. I got to go to fucking Orlando in two hours.
It was like, dude, this kid looked like, yeah. And somebody goes, they go,
yeah, dude,
the old timers are getting shipped out and they're under and they're leaving.
So now a lot of these young kids who are learning on like video games and
computer simulators are going to, are the new new pilots which i guess is good because you need
a new crop but this kid looked like he slept on his shirt all night and he looked like he was in
10th grade man it was really far i was like that kid is flying 300 people right now looked ridiculous
yeah yeah corporations do that the whole i i kind of came in at the tail end of the glamour of flying.
I remember in the 70s when they had the colorful seats.
Catch me if you can.
They were looked up to.
Yeah.
And the stewardesses were beautiful.
And the fucking pilots, you know, were like, I don't know, they like look like leading men.
I mean, it wasn't all like that, but it was just like that.
That was the vibe. And it was like flying was was glamorous the food was fucking horrible though i do remember that like they had not figured out how to make it taste
all right on the plane at least what we wouldn't coach and uh i remember flying like united or
american out to the midwest to see my grandparents when they were still alive.
And I still remember those orange seats and all of that shit.
But like my mother, like dressed us all and we were little kids and she dressed us all up in suits and ties.
And we got on the thing. And now people come on. Some people come on. They're barely dressed.
Yeah, no, it's especially those, the red eye flights.
You know, those chicks come on with like,
got like this, a stuffed animal and shit.
You know, it's weird.
Was there anything worse when you hook up with a chick
and she's got a bunch of stuffed animals in the bed?
It's just like, what the fuck?
Oh my God.
How old are you?
Yeah.
26. Don't you think you should get rid of that? Make me feel like a fucking pedophile over here. It's just like, what the fuck? Oh, my God. How old are you? Yeah. 26?
Don't you think you should get rid of that?
Make me feel like a fucking pedophile over here.
Dude, I saw a pilot just crushing a Big Mac at McDonald's.
Dude, his gut was hanging out over his belt, and he was just fucking crushing.
It was a pilot, dude.
He had the wings.
He was just crushing fucking burgers, man.
And I was just like, ugh.
You come walking up.
You're like, where are you going today sacramento oh cool
i'll tell you what's underrated jackie gleason had it right man i've done it two times in the
last year and it was the greatest thing ever train travel amtrak first class is only like 55 60
dollars and for some reason people don't do it that much.
So you have this nice cabin yourself, big leather chairs. They go back. There's a dinner. There's
food. You could get wine, beer. You sit there. You look at the countryside. When I was in San Diego,
I'm looking at the ocean. The waves are like crashing against the fuck. I was like, how come
it was air conditioned? I slept like a fucking angel.
It was incredible.
There's a fucking beer cart, $55 first class.
I don't understand why people don't travel train more.
I'm serious.
I mean, I guess, cause it's slower, I guess.
Cause it's slower, but dude, it was, it's amazing.
You like the convenience.
You have the car, you can do whatever you want to do.
But I'll tell you, you know, with the traffic on the five from la down to san diego
that's the only way to go unless you got a friend who can chop you down dude i heard gleason would
have just get the whole train i heard he would get the whole train and just pack his and he when he
would go and he would just pack his friends and it would just be cigars fucking cigarettes booze steaks and they would just
have a fucking party oh it's amazing he lived into his 70s and he and he told his doctor that
that's what he was going to do his doctor said dude you can't drink whiskeys like that
yannis was telling me he read his book and he said he would eat multiple steaks a day and all
through lunch and everything scotches and everything and smoke cigarettes and his doctor
was like that's not he's like i'm just doing this is how I'm living. This is
the way I'm living. Dude, how great was Gleason? Talk about if you could meet a guy. The guy played
pool like an animal, ate steaks. I heard he would I heard he would look at the script and be like,
I'm ready and just fucking go out there, bang it out like that. I heard. And they said in the book
that it was undocumented because nobody had it. He go and do stand-up and he would just grab a mic and fucking talk to and fucking murder
yeah he was uh he was the great one paul um i've thought i've thought about that
once you got kids though you can't live like that you gotta you thought about living that life oh all the time you know you said i'm gonna stay
healthy i gotta live as long as i can and then it's just like or yeah yeah well my thing is
either or like i wish i could i wish i could get that middle spot you know that lived to 81
the way i live every day i I'm going to live to 100.
I'll be dead in a year.
Did Bob Hope smoke sticks and party or no?
No, I don't think he did.
And he got like massages every day.
Keep himself limber and all that.
He was like the cows, the Kobe beef cows that get massaged.
Yeah.
He made it to 100 too, I think. But I... He was like the cows, the Kobe beef cows that get massaged. Yeah. Eating the, yeah.
He made it to 100 too, I think.
But I got to be honest with you, dude.
That's got, I wish that they would interview more people that turned 100.
Especially like people like, you know, that had a certain level of success and everything like that. So they knew a lot of people and all that.
And like,
like my grandmother lived to be almost 105 and she was on like her third set
of friends.
She had her life friends outlived all of them.
And then she went like 10 years back,
15 years back,
outlived all of them,
did that again, outlived all of them, did that again,
outlived all of them, and it was just like.
That's like beating life.
No, dude.
She used to play bridge.
She was big with bridge, kept her mind really sharp.
And, like, I remember every, like, 10 years,
there'd be three new old ladies sitting around her table.
I'd come over there when she was playing cards.
Wow.
She's like all right you know
and she's like volunteer she did volunteer work she kept herself sharp she still did her own books
you know with her money played cards and that type of stuff she kept her brain like active like that's
a big thing because i that's why you know some of these people like i you know i'm fucking retiring
at this age or anything it's just like, which is all cool.
But I think there's something that when you retire and you don't really have a reason to get up.
You got to have a plan when you retire.
Huh?
When you retire, you should have a plan, though.
It shouldn't be like I'm going to do nothing.
It's like you should be like we're going to we're going to maybe get a beach house.
And during the day, we're going to go for bike rides and I'm going to do nothing. It's like, you should be like, we're going to, we're going to maybe get a beach house.
And during the day, we're going to go for bike rides and we're going to play golf.
Like you got like a lot of people who retire play golf because it gives them some, you can't just fucking, there's something funny about just shutting it down and sitting on
a chair all day.
You can't do that.
Yeah.
And well, the thing about golf from what I've seen with you guys is you're always have to
work on your game.
So I think that keeps your brain active.
It's like, you gotta like learn,
learn a language, learn how to play piano, shit like that,
to try to keep yourself, uh, active, dude. I'll tell you what's wild is, um,
my wife bought, um,
the latest issue of Rolling Stone and I wasn't going to get it because, uh,
it was some fucking troll that acted like he
became friends with eddie van halen when what he really did was take advantage of a guy fighting
cancer and addiction at the end of his life um the article was just all about the guy like i read
like the first couple of paragraphs it was just like gross it was just about the guy and um and
then so it's like dude if you were really friend, I don't think you'd publish these private emails.
Just total. Yeah, just a total fucking opportunity.
It's a disgusting fucking article. So I was like, fuck that.
I'm not buying that issue. Right. But I like Rolling Stone.
So my wife ended up getting it for me because there was a article on like psychedelics.
I don't have the hockey player's name, but like a former enforcer,
you know, had like all these cognitive issues and he started, you know, taking mushrooms to treat it.
And he claimed there's a guy, Daniel Carcillo. I really liked the guy, like sort of a throwback
player, undersized too for like, he wasn't like a heavyweight enforcer but he was a guy that went
out there and would you know fight all the time and i didn't realize what he was going through
the dude the guy had like slurred speech suicidal thoughts and all that and he took the hero dose
is what they call it like you know the five milligrams where you know you just fucking see
god and all of that shit it's fixed is slurring
and then when whatever they do they take like an x-ray of your brain all the parts that were like
red like what was happening was the brain signal had to go around the damaged parts of his brain
so it was causing him to slur so i'm paraphrasing this obviously have no medical background but you
should really read this article it was fucking wild and it's like i was wondering if it would
help people
that had like strokes or something like that but they're starting to open that up
which is exciting and also like you know once big pharmaceutical once they make like
mushrooms legal i think they're going to become less healthy because that's all
big pharmaceutical seems to know how to do like i think weed right now is probably the most
unhealthy it's ever been now that it's fucking legal and shit like the potency of it and all
of that and i don't know if it's just because like the nerds like um you know they can turn
it into like oil that they can put on a pizza and you're just like yeah yeah it was like i remember
my friends used to smoke fucking weed all night they kind of like yeah yeah it was like i remember my friends used to smoke fucking weed
all night they kind of like yeah yeah they weren't like you know borderline tripping you know i think
i've said this before in the podcast so i'll shut up so like um i don't know you should check out
the article dude it's really really really interesting um especially with uh you know
i don't know it seemed like this guy's most difficult thing for him was to get people.
A lot of people say, okay, I'll be there.
I'm going to do it.
And then they get scared or like, ah, I'm not fucking doing that.
But I don't know.
I'm just putting that out there because I know a lot of people
played contact sports and shit.
Yeah.
No, they're saying it might help with dementia.
Like they're just starting to learn.
All of this stuff that they're sort of like uh speculating on it's pretty pretty exciting as far as people like the the final
third of your life that you're not walking around forgetting shit and you know yeah that's important
of the light and all of that yeah that's important to that's actually important for people to hear
because if there's people that are like listen i'm at the point where I'll try anything and anything that will help me.
And what's a lot of breakthroughs right now with cancer, dude, they're saying that cancer is like, you know, just years away.
Like not like not 50 years either, but like they're finding out stuff.
It makes you think, though, that if somebody's brain is like you said, when they get scanned and it's lit up in the areas that are it kind of makes you think like what's it going to look like in literally like 200 years are they going to be
able to just be like oh this part of your brain is damaged so now you're going to take this and
it'll kind of rebuild cells it's it's kind of nuts like what advancement it can i don't think
people are going to be here in 200 years the rate we're going all right man well i was trying to say
something positive it's gonna be it's good well i don't understand why people okay all right man well i was trying to say something positive it's gonna be it's good well
i don't understand why people okay all right let's just sit there and act like we're gonna
let's just keep sitting and acting like all right you know like i just don't understand why that
isn't the the number one fucking topic you know i do the number one topic is whatever white women are bitching about it's unbelievable whatever
is annoying them like goes past all of that so i don't dude i also live out here
man like lakes are drying up rivers are shriveling up it's just like it's insane and
and people in the other part of the country, they're looking out here like, Oh, those guys have fucked. It's like,
like you don't live on the same planet.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's like a cancer.
It's just going to fucking go across like that.
So live on the same body of land,
not even just the same planet,
same body of land as America.
It's going to.
Yeah.
Um,
Hey,
Andrew,
I got a question for you.
Cause he smoked so many fucking sticks.
Rest his soul.
How,
how old was George Burns when he died? Did he make 105 i'm 103 i think he made 100 but he never lit it dude he just had it
as a prop and he won't have it in there and he'd take it out he died at 100 yeah uh 1896 to 1996 he lived 100 years and two months god bless him wait he didn't smoke those
sticks oh okay no no no if you watched his stand-up act he just saw that he had it uh wasn't
lit i don't know if he did it afterward or whatever but i remember there was a uh there was a comic i can picture his face i'm just
spacing on his name they said uh you know i like i went down to the um the friars club they're like
you're a comedian no i asked god you smoke cigars he goes no i don't he goes are you a comedian
and i said yes and he goes okay then you smoke cigars and he goes and i started smoking cigars
and he goes and i got really good at it he goes i got so good at it he goes i lost like a portion of my jaw
so oh okay yeah i know yeah cigar smokers love to say it doesn't cause anything it's it's it's
it's smoke yeah it's smoke it's smoke that's like yeah it's uh but dude i didn't mean before
too when you're talking i didn't mean to cut off your i didn't mean to cut you off you're
talking about your grandmother or whatever.
But, like, your grandmother goes to 104 and has friends being recycled like that.
And just, like, you know, you got, like, I think something has to do with genes, too.
I knew a guy who said his mother lived to 106.
His dad was, like, 102.
He said his dad was just mowing the lawn or something.
And just, like, healed mowing the lawn or something just like
healed like eight like 98 or so he lived till when i knew him he was in his 90s and he was healthy
rest his soul he passed away but like if your parents are going to 100 dude that means your
grandparents and everything it's in your genes i ask you a question would you rather drop dead
or have a slow kind of knowing it's coming to the end
that's a great question you know that's a great question i don't want to suffer
but dropping dead is kind of like wait wait wait wait
yeah i want to like kind of prepare yourself i guess if you're one oh something mowing the lawn, having a good day and it happens, it's not that bad because it's fast.
But I know what you're saying. He said, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, no, no, no.
It's funny. He was so so Bob Hope and George Burns are the longest living comedians, correct?
As far as I know, I don't know.
I'm sure there's somebody else.
Don Rickles got up there.
Don Rickles got into the 90s.
Bob Newhart.
Bob Newhart has to be in his 90s.
What about Lucille Ball?
She smoked and drank.
How old did she live till, rest her soul?
Like 68?
No.
Oh, dude, she was like. like dude she fucking went in dude she was the best dude yeah she went in but she was literally like in the 1950s
she's like oh ricky blah blah blah and then the 1960s she's like mr mooney
oh my god i can't believe we have to do all this work today. She lived to be 80.
Oh, 80.
My fault. And if you look at her acting before the Lucy show, she was actually like she was more of like a, you know, Catherine Hedden type actress.
She was like considered more pretty at the time.
But also Sid Caesar lived to be almost 100. He was
98. And then as far as the George
Burns cigar thing goes, it says
at one point he was known to smoke
10 to 14 cigars a day.
10 to 15 cigars a day.
That eventually went
down. His favorite cigar was
the El Producto from Queens.
Yeah.
But he started smoking at age 14
and he smoked at least 10 a day, they said.
Dude, 10 a day?
Dude, I've gotten to a point where I got to three
and A, I didn't enjoy them and my mouth was on fire.
Like 10 a day is just...
I saw a guy at the Northside in Boston.
He was like Armenian.
He goes, six minimum, minimum six a day.
Guy was smoking a fucking cucumber.
I don't understand how those guys do that, man.
I heard Schwarzenegger was like six a day.
Like those guys that just bang them out like that.
And just like all day stick.
I don't know, man.
Just the taste.
It's not enjoyable.
No, no, it's not.
It says he would get a shipment of 300 a month.
It was his favorite day.
He would wait by the door like an eager child.
And then at 98, he said,
if I had taken my doctor's advice and quit smoking when he advised me to,
I wouldn't have lived long enough to go to his funeral.
Wow.
Yeah, dude. Wow. wow yeah dude wow
wow and he was he was buried with three of his uh favorite cigars in his breast pocket
oh that's great that's fucking great dude that is fucking great and that's that's is there anything better that's
that was that's amazing yeah if i listened to the doctor i'd have been fucked
dude i can't you know what i just realized i don't even have a fucking microphone what am
i doing here you can hear all of this it's fine you sound actually you sound actually great
oh by the way dude gangster statements That's the most gangster statements ever.
That's too perfect a joke.
Rest his soul, Vin Scully, the Dodgers.
I wanted to go out there.
I was going to try to go out there on a night where, like,
something fell through after doing podcasts,
but they were in San Francisco.
They were in San Francisco playing the Giants.
But one of, I would say, the most underrated ballparks
to sit and watch a game is Dodger Stadium.
It's amazing.
For me, I loved it.
I thought it was one of the most beautiful places to watch,
and I felt like anywhere you sat in there, you could see great.
It was awesome.
But they have, like, a great, like, history,
and I think with the whole you know jackie robinson ebbetsfield
roy campanella duke schneider when it was willie mickey and the duke they were a part of that
and then when they come out to la um sandy kofax don drysdale and then then the whole
tommy lasorda era and what like an ambassador to baseball he was
and Fernando Valenzuela like all of those great like yeah you know Kirk Gibson they just the the
the they had some really like characters too like Tommy Lasorda 80s dude they had just like
magical season like if you were a Dodger fan like I, I mean, you got, you got took on,
I'm not saying they, you know, they lost a lot more than they won,
but you got taken on a,
on a ride and incredible players and all of that.
And, and then right into the nineties, then they got out.
What's his face before he went out to the Mike Piazza.
I remember the first Dodger game I went to was like in 95 or 96,
and he was playing when he was still catching.
He was like, you know, getting compared to Johnny Bench
anytime there's an offensive baseball catcher.
So it's also like a really good, you know.
Now it's different.
Like everything's different as far as like now it's all just like, you know,
spending a bunch of money and getting free agents and shit
dude i'll tell you the fucking red sox man i don't recognize half the guy we got so many
fucking guys now we're trading guys we just got rid of uh uh jackie bradley jr we traded christian
vasquez to the to the fucking astros while we were playing them i felt bad for him dude going
from fucking boston to houston as far as a baseball atmosphere
it just made me think of imagine a guy just had to walk from one dugout to the next
taking his journey did he kind of did oh geez uh yeah uh trevor story was out some guy with
like kareem fucking goggles is up second base like where the fuck is trevor it's just been the fucking weirdest year but i'm hanging in there paul i still think we got a run
how are you guys you guys started winning again we lost last night four to three to the to the
cardinals um but yeah we're the best team i mean we have the best record in baseball right now
yeah we do the dodgers do no we were the first team to 70 we we have the best record
in baseball uh you might want to look that up andrew best record as of last week you didn't
well i saw something that popped up said yankees first team to 70 when i was in la and then i came
home they lost last night let's take a look uh you know i don't do that to you i wouldn't go yeah you do no yeah you do what happened to the
red socks lost yeah we did we rammed it up your fucking asses god it's fucking 0407 i hear it
the paul i hear it the way you say boston what you're up there in Boston. I hear the way you say it, dude.
It's okay if you hate us.
I wouldn't go, you guys lost?
Woo!
Best record in baseball or best record in...
Can I tell you something?
If we were a game behind you, I wouldn't have done it.
We're 40 games back.
I'm just being an asshole.
I know, I know.
I think you're all right.
Who does have the best record?
I know, by the way.
I'm just fucking around. Well, the Dod does have the best record? I know, by the way. I'm just fucking around.
Well, the Dodgers have the best record in baseball.
Best record in the American League is the Yankees.
What are the records?
Well, 70 and 37 for the Yankees, which is 654.
And Dodgers are 73 and 33.
Okay.
Yeah.
Indication!
So, all right, three games.
We'll talk about it next week, okay?
No, dude, that's...
Dodgers and Yankees might be on a little collision course
there for a World Series.
I'm worried about the Astros.
One of them's going to shit the bed.
What?
One of them will shit the bed.
That happens every year.
I'm worried about the Astros, man.
The Astros have our number, dude.
Hey, man, all I got to do to beat you is go to Home Depot, baby.
Astros have one more loss than the Yankees.
The Astros have one more loss.
How funny is it, Paul?
All the money, all the steroids that all these other teams are doing.
And they went and they bought a fucking trash can.
They beat all of us.
I think that is, to me, that is the funniest fucking thing.
Get a couple buzzers.
Get a couple buzzers and a couple of garbage cans.
Dude, and it was, they were hitting it so loud.
You know, a fan figured it out.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
He's the one that I, he was sitting at home when he heard it so i'm thinking the other teams know it but they know it's that we can't
expose them because we expose them they're going to expose us that's it like that is like a uh
that's like a politician going hey you, that guy fucks around on his wife.
That's actually a good point you make though, where it's like,
guys are like juicing and guys are spending $300 million and they just brought
a nerd in to go like, why don't we get some cameras and buzzers and some
fucking, you know, bang some fucking things to know.
Oh, you have anhone and a wastebasket
and they beat all of us that is one of my favorite baseball stories ever dude i love a corked bat
when did when did a fan hear that that's amazing i didn't know is that who blew i like when that
guy in the yankees had all that shit on his neck.
I think all of that stuff's hilarious.
And I also heard that they fucking, the hitters don't mind if they put a little something on it because it gives them more control because they'd rather take their chances than not get hit.
Yeah.
And then get hit in the fucking head.
Remember Naked Gun?
Leslie Nielsen walked out to the mound.
The guy had a fucking, the guy had a sand gun under his hat and a whole thing of Vaseline.
And he goes, all right, you're all right.
Cause he was looking for a gun.
He goes, all right.
He goes, you're good.
You're good.
Fucking everything.
Oh man.
That was, those, those are the absolute best.
You know what I rewatched, dude?
I rewatched airplane one and two.
Just fucking dude. It is a a it is a joke uh fucking
every 10 seconds unbelievable it's it's like they don't make them anymore they don't make a movie
that's literal humor something every 10 seconds it's incredible oh my god no they uh
yeah it's just it's the jokes come faster than like a stand-up who's like
rapid fire style it's just it's just every fucking thing she goes oh i haven't felt this
bad since that ronald reagan film and then the next thing and the next thing and i was a little
i didn't even know what it meant because i didn't know ronald reagan was like a big actor before he
was a president but dude just every fucking thing came in man so good so fucking good kareem abdul-jabbar
was in the cockpit and the kid goes i know you you're kareem abdul-jabbar because my dad says
you don't really try until the playoffs and he just goes the hell i don't he goes you tell your
old man to chase lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes and then when he was incapacitated they pulled him out he had his laker shorts and the goggles on
oh yeah yeah and the knee the knee pads dude oh my god like that's a movie you stay home
take an edible and you fucking just cry laughing the best i wonder how they ended up casting him they must have been like Laker fans
because he was good
he was really good
that guy's like a higher brain
he was Roger
so anytime the captain would go Roger
he'd go huh
but he didn't mean it to him
I know Bill
I remember
you go but he didn't mean it he wasn't talking to him Bill To him. I know, Bill. I remember. You go, Roger? He goes, what?
You go, but he didn't mean it.
He wasn't talking to him, Bill.
He wasn't talking to him.
I got to watch.
Just in case that joke went past you.
No, have you ever read any of the sports articles or just articles on just human beings that Kareem writes? The guy is like a next level thinker.
No, he's like a.
Yeah.
What's that?
He got cast.
Somebody asked him on Twitter and he replied back.
He tweeted, the producers picked me after they couldn't use Pete Rose.
And since I was on summer vacation, I had the time to make the film.
And the Zucker brothers are also from Wisconsin.
Well, look at that.
Look at that switch.
Is there anything better than listening to anything better
and finding out how kareem abdul-jabbar got in the movie airplane pete rose was like no i'm at
the casino sorry fellas when you film it i was gonna say he seems more scorsese
i'm busy i'm busy i can't make it That's great, though. That's a great...
I didn't realize that Zucker was...
Oh, dude, I told you that story.
I met Zucker.
Best NBA actor of all time.
Not LeBron.
I saw Space Jam, okay?
I got two.
I would say Kevin Garnett and Rick Fox.
Dude, Rick Fox is fucking great. Kevin Garnett and Rick Fox. Dude, Rick Fox is fucking great.
Kevin Garnett is great.
No?
No, those are good.
I'm just trying to think.
Kyrie Irving was in his own movie, but he was, like, in a costume.
And he, like, starred in the whole thing.
I'll tell you who was underrated.
Ray Allen.
Ray Allen and what was it uh the one with
above the rim no above the rim was tupac uh ray allen and um and uh denzel was his dad he played
yeah what was that called blue chips no blue chips was it called yeah he got game he got game he got game he got game
he got game ray allen's like was like a big like part of that so i think in order to judge that
fairly you got to see who had the most lines and who had the most screen time uh kevin garnett was
good in in sandler's box was better than Ray Allen in that movie.
Ooh.
Wow.
That's a big statement.
It isn't.
It's a fact.
Yeah, but he was in it like quick.
You know, he played a friend. What does that mean?
I don't know.
It's like you come in for a cameo,
you got a couple takes to crush that small part,
as opposed to somebody that's in the whole fucking thing.
And?
No, I'm just saying, I'm kind of asking too.
I'm just saying, like, if you have 10 pages and somebody's got a half a paragraph, they have a better opportunity.
He didn't have half a paragraph.
He took them around and gave them the whole lay of the land.
He was actually good.
He actually was good.
He was fucking great in that. At the college walking him around land he was actually college he actually was good he was
fucking great in that no at the college walking him around he was good he was good hey whoever
has the most lines that's the best actor no i didn't say that you look at it like stats no no
it's not fair to say i didn't say that i'm just saying like if a guy comes in real quick and the
guy's in every scene that's all i'm saying you know but yeah but if you were in every scene. That's all I'm saying, you know? But.
Yeah, but if you were in every scene and you're just kind of okay and one guy comes in and fucking crushes it,
Ray Allen was okay in that movie.
Do you think.
I thought that that's what hurt the movie was the lead of the movie
wasn't an actor.
And I remember Spike was saying, well,
he had to be able to do the fucking moves
on the court it's like it's called a double right just get somebody else in there he was actually
looking at rick fox i think rick fox was just too old if i remember correctly this has got to be the
dumbest sports argument i've ever no debate i've ever gotten into no it's good it's good because
then you know there's people listening right now going oh what other sports movies were athletes good in what i'll tell you
what man i'll tell you what i'll tell you what he wasn't great in it because it was too it was
it was like i said but lawrence taylor in any given sunday when fucking pacino's giving the
speech and he's just fucking sitting there like seething.
Like, it made me want to fucking play football.
And it was pretty good.
Yeah, I know.
I know we're forgetting some.
This guy, this, this.
Because throughout the years, I've always seen him.
And then like, you know, they'll just be like.
Andrew, can you pull up a list?
Oh, you know who's a good fucking actor?
Cam Neely.
Oh, he was. Cam Ne was something about mary was great
no uh dumb and dumber kick his ass sea bass oh that dumb and dummy okay yeah yeah he goes what
are you what the hell do you want um we got to think of other movies michael jordan and space
jam the original was like you know not great don't great. Do you want me to go down the list?
Yeah, go down the list.
All right.
This one's a tough one.
Arnold Schwarzenegger, bodybuilder.
Number two, Johnny Weissmuller.
He was an Olympic swimmer.
Tarzan.
Tarzan, yeah.
Jim Brown in 100 Rifles.
Jim Brown's been in, by the way,
Jim Brown, the Dirty Dozen was great.
Jim Brown's been in probably
the most movies of any athlete, maybe.
He was in Any Given Sunday, The Running Man, Mars Attacks.
What the fuck, Carl Weathers?
What was Carl Weathers?
He played for the Raiders.
He was Apollo Creed.
No, I know that.
I know that.
I didn't know he played.
I didn't know he was a professional athlete.
Yeah, I got his football card somewhere around here.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
What?
OJ Simpson. This is great. What? O.J. Simpson.
This is great.
Keep doing this.
This is good.
O.J. Simpson, Naked Gun.
Number six, Carl Weathers.
By the way, hold on a second.
You can't glaze over that.
Let's talk about that for a second.
O.J. Simpson, aside from his extra career,
do O.J. Simpson as Nordberg in Naked Gun was fucking classic.
He was really good.
He was great.
Comedic acting was great.
When he touches the stove, when he got shot and he does all that
other stuff. Then his fucking sleeve goes into wet paint
and he goes, oh no.
Oh, no.
Oh, he leaned up against the door.
His face went into a fucking
birthday cake.
Then he stepped in a bear trap.
Who else, Andrew? This is good. Mike Tyson in The Hangover. face went into a fucking birthday cake yeah and then he stepped in a bear trap uh who else andrew
this is good tyson in the hangover bob euchre in major league who bob euchre and mr belvedere
mike tyson was good too alex caris blazing saddle caris without that he had a legit acting career
yep merlin olsen What was he in?
Little House on the Prairie
and then
that Father Murphy show
or whatever.
Oh, no.
Heaven,
not Heaven Can Wait.
Highway to Heaven.
I don't know what the fuck it was.
One of those God shows.
I didn't watch it.
Patrick Ewing,
one of the goon,
one of the guys in
Space Jam.
Kidding.
Go ahead.
Who else?
Bubba Smith in Police Academy. Bubba Smith. Number one pick in the NFL draft 1967. of the goon got one of the guys in uh space jam kidding go ahead who else bubba smith and police
academy bubba smith number one pick in the nfl uh draft 1967 he was a two-time pro bowl defensive
end wait did bubba smith play for the hold on did bubba smith play for the cowboys colts colts okay
uh and a super bowl champ uh vinnie jones and lock stock and stew two smoking barrels. Apparently he was a famous footballer who captained
a Welsh national team.
He was a guy in Snatch
as well. Okay.
Oh, what's his face? What's his face? Ed O'Neill.
Ed O'Neill was a professional player?
He played football, didn't he?
Am I nuts?
I don't know. I'll look it up.
John Matuszak. He played Chunk and the Goonies. it up. John Matuszak. He played chunk in the Goonies.
Matuszak.
Matuszak.
Roger Clemens was in Kingpin.
Ray Allen was in He Got Game.
Ray Nitschke, the longest yard, number 66.
Didn't we just mention him today?
Okay, yeah.
No Rick Fox?
Still go. I'm still going.
I'm only on 19.
Lawrence Taylor in Any Given Sunday.
Mike Ditka in Kicking and Screaming.
That was that one.
Oh, Mike Ditka was kind of, I mean, it was kind of funny.
Go ahead.
Will Chamberlain and Conan the Destroyer, 1984.
I remember that.
That wasn't good.
Jesse Ventura.
I just remember when he got on that fucking horse and his legs were almost on the ground.
Jesse Ventura. He needed remember when he got on that fucking horse and his legs were almost on the ground. Jesse Ventura.
He needed a Clydesdale.
Jesse Ventura
playing on a horse is one of the dumbest
things I've ever seen in my life.
Oh, I got the best one. I got the goat.
Hulk
Hogan in No Holds Barred.
The Bourbon Commando.
Yeah, he was in a few.
Terry Bradshaw in Failure to Launch.
Terry Bradshaw was actually in a couple movies, wasn't he?
He was in The Cannonball Runs.
Brett Favre, Something About Mary.
Oof, that was a rough one.
Yeah, he was a little stiff.
I'm in town to play the Dolphins, you dumbass.
Dan Marino, Ace Ventura. Okay, Brad, I think we got it
Red Favre, everybody
Thanks for coming down
Lance Armstrong and Dodgeball
Derek Jeter and the other guys
So I think you gotta give
I think the GOAT has to be Jim Brown
As far as the amount of movies
michael jordan space jam shaquille o'neal and kazam and those are the top 30 on that list
no put put in rick fox kevin garnett no but rick fox was in like a soap opera too every day check
check he's got he acted a lot too well you know that those those lists those lists are just supposed to you know
create a amicable discourse but amongst uh friends dude kareem abdul-jabbar wasn't on that list
uh yeah he was an airplane i just oh you just skipped it okay um what do you rick fox yeah Rick Fox, yeah, he's been in a bunch of stuff. Yeah.
Rick Fox is a legit actor.
Blue Chips, he was in Eddie.
I think that's the one where Whoopi Goldberg and Coach of the Knicks.
Whoopi Goldberg coached the Knicks.
Probably fucking got a big one.
You got Game, Resurrection, Arliss, the TV series,
Max Steel, whatever that is.
Oz, I guess he was in 11 episodes of Oz.
Love, Ink, One Tree Hill, Ugly Betty, Dirt, House of Pain, Melrose.
You guys got to resonate here, Paul.
Yeah.
Yeah, you know what?
Listen, maybe you're on to something.
You know, I'll put Rick Fox up there. On the on to something. I'll put Rick Fox up there.
On the unofficial list?
I'll put Rick Fox.
Paul Verzi's buying Rick Fox.
It took me a minute.
He was on the Laker.
I think he won a championship.
I think he's got a ring or two with the Lakers.
Dude, getting back to baseball, I was sitting in a bar and then you know when they
have like the anti-web gems you know they just show like the bloopers whatever they fucking call
them dude the red socks for like four of the highlights dude is fucking brutal we have like
three highlights of a guy going like like i can't fucking see the guy a guy hit an inside the park
grand slam against us we had one with the dude
with the metallica hair the ball came right back to him and he turned and it fucking hit him like
you know kidney or some shit and then he just like got up and just fucking winged it over the first
went past the first baseman then our catch is going like this he looks like that and the guy
fucking throws it and then he
doesn't see it it goes by him do people just went all the way around the bases and then what's his
face the metallica guy who started it was still on the ground on his knees rubbing his fucking back
and didn't cover home plate and everybody just ran in i love that you're calling them the metallica
guy that's the best i can't remember you're gonna have a couple of fucking bad years and then all of a sudden you're gonna be at the top again and that's
just what happens when you get young that's why you got rid of Bradley Jr. you could tell what
they're doing you guys are gonna get the new crop of young kids we got rid of them because they're
packing in the season they said right before last time we played with you guys they said it was a
rebuilding year and since then you know it's just uh i don't know
they're dumping guys well jackie bradley jr was like you know he took away hits out in the outfield
one of those guys that hit like you know 230 or whatever but he was hitting like you know 206 209
or whatever i like that guy a lot but um yeah well you know i I think, you know, you guys have a smart.
You guys are going to be fine.
Dude, I know sometimes we talk.
We've got Xander, we have Devers, and we have injured Chris Sale.
That's what we're building.
And what sucks is that Chris Sale came back.
What sucks is Chris Sale came back, and right when he came back,
he got injured again.
It's like, what can you do?
You know, guys.
Yeah, he was going like this to tell the outfielders there was one out,
and he snapped his finger.
I think that's what happened.
All right, everybody.
Dude.
You know something?
Coming out looking at.
I'm just fucking with him.
I love Chris Sale, but the guy can't stay healthy, man.
I'll tell you what.
I love seeing Judge last night.
Not only does he have 43 home runs but he's blooping in
singles towards the towards the you know like right over the first baseman by the line getting
there he's hustling knock on wood that kid stays healthy but i think it'll be a year he get to and
i i would love to see a guy like that who i don't think is on steroids i don't think he's on steroids
everybody now is going like yeah he's got 43 look at the size of him it's think he's on steroids. Everybody now is going like, yeah, he's got 43. Look at the size of him. It's like, he's six foot seven. You fucking ass. He's six foot seven. Yeah.
That's the size of him. He doesn't have that square fucking thing at all. And he does kind
of get hurt. Sometimes he tweaks his back and shit. I think he's doing it the right way. I'd
love to see the, um, him beat Maris, uh, rest his soul, but, uh but he's not going to catch Bonds because Bonds, you know.
What about you?
You want to see him go by Ruth?
Yeah, I do.
I do.
I want to see him go by.
I want to see him go by Ruth.
If he gets 60.
But he's got to get 60.
He's got to get 60.
He's got to get 62.
He's got to get 62 to get Maris.
Ruth was 60.
Yeah, yeah.
Ruth was 60.
Maris was 61.
If he gets 61. Yeah. But it took him more games than Ruth,
do you guys take out the asterisk again?
How many games did the Yankees play when Ruth was there?
How many games less was it in the season?
157.
It was like eight games less, I think.
Yeah, it was 150-something games.
Why did they extend it?
Like, that seems better.
Like, 150 even.
150 even is what the MLB should be.
162 is just too long into the summer, man.
It's a lot of fucking games.
Yeah, and I also thought that that wasn't fair to Roger Maris.
It's like, all right, well, Babe Ruth was playing in a ballpark
that was built to his strengths.
So I'm playing in Babe Ruth's ballpark, and I don't have the same, you know.
Jesus Christ, if they custom build a fucking stadium.
For your swing.
Yeah, it's like a golfer.
It's like you make a course for a certain golfer.
But another thing Roger Maris had to go against
was every fucking body in the crowd was rooting against him
because of how beloved Mickey Mantle was.
And we talked about it before on the show
where when Billy Crystal did the movie 61,
Yogi Bear and Whitey Ford were in the movie at the premiere
and they're like leaning over.
They said they couldn't fucking believe how accurate it was
because Billy Crystal was like this with Mickey Mantle and and the team so he like talked to them
about everything like when people were throwing shit at babe ruth and right field and when maris
started to catch mickey and be better the crowd actually at roger maris you mean right uh yeah
yeah but there was yeah i'm sorry throwing shit like yelling shit at him i'm sorry yeah yeah the
throwing the chair and all that stuff was when Babe Ruth was in right field.
That's another thing, my bad.
Yeah, yelling at Maris, booing Maris when Maris started to get close to Mickey because everybody wanted,
because they had a race and everybody was against him and he had just gotten traded there.
And he was a quiet guy who didn't talk shit.
So he was like, everybody wanted him.
But then when Mickey got hurt and was out because of his hip, that's when everybody rooted for him.
But, dude, that guy fucking did it, that guy fucking did it man so um but uh judge is one
of those guys man he's just a fucking says all the right hey aaron you want to win the record you
want 20 he's like i do i just want to win i just want to win a world series it's like if i break
that record great i want to win the world it's like he's just one of those guys i love that kid but it's hard for a six foot fucking eight six foot seven kid to uh you know to stay healthy
you know especially in center field tracking down those balls i'm worried about it to be honest but
he's having a good year so county it's the equipment it's not him because guys god that's
like he's like average height in the nba and those guys can have 15-, 17-year fucking careers
running up and down the harbor.
He's running on grass.
It's not like he's fucking out there running up fucking gravel and shit
or whatever.
It's just like I just don't think that the only other guy I've ever seen
like his side was Randy Johnson, and he wasn't running around out there.
So I think he looks big and fragile because he's so much bigger than everybody else but if he went out like on an nba team and he was out there in like shorts and a tank top you know yeah you
wouldn't think like you wouldn't worry about it i just don't think baseball cleats have the technology for his size and power.
And I always look back to like Grant Hill.
When Grant Hill, they thought there was something wrong with him.
He kept having foot injuries, and it turned out it was his sneakers, the feelers.
I swear to God, we talked about this last time.
No, the last time I saw a baseball player that big at the plate was Dave Win Dave Winfield with the Yankees who actually played left field for us.
But when judge starts running down,
he was six,
six.
Yeah.
When judge,
when judge starts running down a ball in center field,
and I know he's going to lay out for it on his hip.
That's always when I'm just like,
all right,
dude,
I do do do let it drop.
We're in first place.
We're in first place,
you know?
Cause I don't,
I just hate to see the guy make a good play
and get up and fucking, you know, call somebody in because of his shoulder.
But by the way –
I thought he had a lot of lower body injuries.
I mean, that goes to my theory.
No, no, no, no, no.
His legs are a problem, but he's fucking running around.
He's playing a good center field for that size.
I can't remember the last time I've ever seen a center fielder over 6'5".
I remember that Sexton kid or whatever.
Who about that kid on Pittsburgh?
O'Neal Cruz.
Throws like 100 miles an hour over to first base.
He's 6'7", shortstop.
Oh my.
Randy Johnson was 6'10"?
You'll know who he is when the Yankees get him.
Randy Johnson
was 6'10"?
Something like that, yeah.
And angry.
Hey, Andrew, can we just research tallest baseball player ever?
Dude, Randy Johnson never looked like he was in a good –
he was like – I feel like there was something about Roger Clemens
as much as he was a power
pitcher he kind of had like a baby face you know even when he got the scruff going like i saw him
the other day i couldn't believe it he came into the booth of the red sox i thought i thought we
were like never going to repair that relationship so i was cool to see him come back but i saw him
dude he's like gonna be 60 he's just grandson is five years old and he still has
that baby face he still looks like young but like randy johnson dude randy johnson looked like an
extra in like mississippi burning you know like the mullet the mustache like he just
looked like a guy you when you pull off the expressway in a
small town fucking looks over at you in a bar like i was like jesus christ what do we got andrew how
about tall uh yeah for the tallest uh there's a bunch tied at 6 10 uh andrew brackman andrew
cisco aaron sliggers sliggers eric hillman chris young randy johnson um first name i reckon Drusisco, Aaron Sledgers, Eric Hillman, Chris Young, Randy Johnson.
First name I recognize.
And then the tallest was a guy named John Rock.
Rock or Rauk, I can't remember how to pronounce his name.
He was a former pitcher tied for the tallest player in history,
11 seasons, career ERA of 3.4, last pitch in 2013 for the Miami Marlins.
How tall? 6'1111 he was 611 611 is the tallest major league player ever so that's literally like if that's like if Kevin Durant
that's like if Kevin Durant came on the mound and started pitching that's how fucking that that's
how fucking that would look imagine that fastball John Rocker yeah oh yeah he said the seven train
was all fucking filled with AIDS and whatever it was,
and then they fucking started.
Yeah, after you guys were calling him a redneck.
That's the part they left out.
You fucking called him a southern redneck motherfucker and all of that
when he was playing for the Braves.
Yeah, but you mean the Mets or the Yankees?
Oh, when we played them in the World Series?
I mean New Yorkers.
New Yorkers.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
New Yorkers.
They were all going at him,
saying all this fucked up shit about him
and where he was from.
And then he shits on New York.
He went too hard, obviously.
Because he was like next to some,
sitting there next to some gay guy with AIDS.
Like he just, it was like, you know,
hey, you fucking redneck.
And then he just scorched earth.
No, I don't think he said gay, though.
I think he said filled with AIDS and homeless or something.
I don't think he ever said that.
It was pretty bad.
He went a little.
What did he say?
Correction.
A guy named Ryan Doherty is 7'1".
7'1".
But I don't know how much he played.
Apologize to the Doherty family.
If they're listening to this podcast,
your dad was seven one.
He was the tallest baseball player ever.
And he was tied with a guy named Loke van,
like Loke van mill.
Okay.
Dude.
I know a lot of people listen to that,
by the way,
we a lot of messages about anything better,
where we've been just been running around.
It's not going anywhere.
We're doing more shit.
We got the BetMGM thing coming.
We want to thank everybody for listening.
We also want to thank everybody for going and leaving reviews and writing about the Anything Better podcast.
You can get it on Spotify, iTunes, everywhere you get your podcasts.
Somebody wrote in, anything better podcast is life.
And I was like, wow.
All right.
So we're glad that you're watching
it and i know some of you guys love when me and bill show animal stuff they there's somebody that
just says like i love the show i love everything but then they say animal stuff and when you do it
dude i saw something but i don't think we could show it so i'll just tell people
i saw a fucking komodo dragon swallow a fucking deer hole as fast as I've ever seen it and I can't even believe what I
saw it was one of the most horrific
things I've ever seen Komodo dragons
I hate those things it just went bang
bang and then head in bang
neck in and then up to the shoulders bang
and I had to stop it because it was like
it looked like a fucking dinosaur
it was ridiculous
that's fast as shit dude
it was the skin.
And their saliva, like, melts.
Dude, that's like the sickest animal out there.
No, they go out and they bite you.
And then they just, they have so much, like, bacteria you can't fight off. They just follow you around until you collapse.
And then you're not even dead yet, and they just start eating you.
and then you're not even dead yet and they just start eating you.
So I think it's safe to say
number one most horrific,
number one most horrifying animal in the world?
As far as they get eaten by,
they're right up there with bears.
Oh, I'll take a fucking bear over that.
No, you won't.
You want the thing just holding you down
and just biting into your back.
Just ripping your fucking torso and shit apart.
They don't got like if you want to get if you're going to get killed by an animal, you want a cat.
Any sort of cat.
Yeah, they get you here.
You fucking bleed out.
It's quick.
And even dogs, wild dogs.
It sucks, but at least they rip you apart and then it's done. You just bleed out it's quick and even dogs wild dogs it sucks but at least they rip you apart
and then it's done you just bleed out i got one for you pack a bear and a komodo dragon
they just start eating and they don't they don't hear screams all right bill pack of wolves kill
you or one big wild cat kills you which are you taking ohcat. Over in a second. It's like rear naked choke.
Over.
All right, everybody.
Well, this has been another episode of the Anything Better podcast.
I hope you enjoyed it.
I have some dates to plug.
Hey, UK, all you British fans asking, hey, when's Paul coming out there?
I'm going to be out there.
I was talking to Rich Eisen about this, actually.
My New York football giants are playing the Green Bay Packers.
The New York Giants are playing the Packers of Green Bay.
What movie? I mean, dude, that right there, what they're seeing is the history of the NFL
if they counted NFL titles and Super Bowls.
Yep, and they're playing them October 9th.
So Paulie talked to his agent and said, hey, what can we do?
So I'll be at 21 Soho.
It's a cool small venue down there in London.
I'm going to be doing a show there.
One show only Friday, October 7th.
Get tickets.
People are buying tickets.
It's going to sell out.
I'm going to be a soul joy.
You're going to the game, right?
I'm going to the game.
I have to go to the game. Taking the game I have to go to the game taking the kids
gotta go to the game
uh
September 17th I'll be at Soul Joel's
Comedy Dome in Pottsville Pennsylvania
I think I'm saying that right and then
Philadelphia and DC
one night only one show
I'll be at the Washington DC Improv
October 19th
uh Washington DC Improv October 19th one show and then the next
night I'll be at the Philadelphia punchline October 20th one show each night DC and um and
Philly and more dates are coming to paulverzi.com and guys thank you so much for watching my special
nocturnal admissions on Netflix Netflix. It's doing fantastic.
Bill Burr's live at Red Rocks is fucking crushing.
Hey, Andrew, can we get a T-shirt made up?
Can we get the fucking Verzi?
You got to look up the quote.
Is it all I want or all I need?
All I want, all I need is luxury and comfort.
No, luxury and convenience.
Oh, luxury and convenience. I like and convenience oh luxury and convenience i like luxury
luxury and convenience you know what people say because of you because you started this bill
somebody said somebody said yeah if if we ever make a shirt like this we got it bill gets a
because people go there he is mr big truck electric himself oh big truck electric people
say versi you got to do a big truck
electric but that's a good one luxury and convenience with a picture of me like this
that's all i need is all i need all i need is luxury and convenience uh bill you got i don't
know i like that i know something about that makes me fucking happy just all I need is luxury. Talk about all you use.
Just wait on me.
Plug your shit.
You got a big one coming up.
I heard I heard speaking of baseball.
I heard you got a big one coming up.
What do you got going on?
Oh, I got.
I got like Arthur Ash.
I got that on Wednesday
and then yeah I got Fenway Park
on the 21st
I got two shows in Toronto
I got Buffalo I got Pennsylvania
I got Maryland
I got
Philly coming up
Philly I bought a pair of fucking
Dr. J Converse the white with
the red and and I didn't even wasn't you know I was gonna wear them I was like wait I got that
Philly show I wish I got the low tops if I got the low tops that'd be my nod to Andrew Tony
but you gotta listen if you wear those for the show just bring them in the box put them on
as you walk out and
then put them back in a box so dust doesn't get well i'm gonna make a video for this podcast
now i know a lot of you guys think this is extra but paul verzi the sneaker king told me this is
how you do it oh they're gonna be gleaming paul yeah i don't even need to wear a watch my chain
can stay in that's how white those sneakers are gonna be i'm dude i'm getting you a chain i'm getting you a little you got you'd look great you know
what i actually thought about doing just to fuck with you what i was gonna like you know you can
like rent jewelry for like a like a like an award show i was gonna go to that jacob the jeweler guy
and get like some fucking thick rope and I was gonna have it in my shirt
too because I didn't want to show it off like what do you got what do you got oh did you know
yo I just see I just it's in but I just see a little here I just see a little here and you
don't you don't address it right Bill what's he what the fuck no you know what I'd have like a
fucking mock turtleneck on and then hey paul let's go hit
the gym we go down to the locker room right we're gonna go take a steam take it off and then you
just see this fucking gen yo bro what is is that real what did you get you start like rocking back
what is what is i'm bringing that back this year i'm bringing that back this fall i'm bringing that
back this fall and winter.
I'm dead serious.
I saw what's his name with it.
It looked incredible.
Ray Allen.
I'm bringing it back.
I'm going black turtleneck underneath whatever I put.
I'm bringing turtle.
I'm going to do turtlenecks again, big time.
Turtle neck.
Dude. Well, the fashion world braced themselves.
Yeah.
Paulie's bringing it back.
Oh, my God, Paul.
I got your baseball nickname, Mr. Luxury.
That's the T-shirt.
Paul's sitting there.
He's got his feet up.
He's got a stick.
He's got a chain.
And he's just kind of like looking down, you know, at the bat,
like he's just sort of, you know, you never turn around in the dirt.
Andrew, can you just pull up for the fans?
Can you just pull up Joe Namath in a white fur coat sitting in his uniform
on the bench?
I just have to look at that right now just because you just said Mr. Luxury.
This is the greatest.
This is the greatest thing I've ever seen in sports on a sideline.
I mean, this kid is sitting on a bench in a game with a fucking white fur coat on.
I know.
His hair's all long.
He's got the sunglasses on.
Did he get laid that night, Bill?
Did he get laid that night?
He didn't even need to do that.
He just...
That was him running up the score.
I remember him on the Brady Bunch.
Do you remember that?
Dude, did you see that video that kid had?
This white kid pulls up on a street corner him on the brady bunch do you remember that dude did you see that video that kid had this white
kid pulls up on a street corner and this is shredded black dude big guy just stand there
he goes excuse me sir sir he goes can you do me a favor and the black guys look at him like
what the he goes can you leave some for the rest of us
for the rest of us oh my god oh the guy yeah the guy fell out laughing oh dude did you see the kid do you see the kid who's all over the internet now he walks up to he goes to a gang he goes to
like neighborhoods with gang members and he just stares at the kids dude it's he's gonna get him
he just goes dude i was crying he goes and the guy goes oh you gotta
fucking homie you gotta kid fucking stands up tattoos everywhere and he just fucking lock
grills and then like if it gets really bad he goes no dude it's a prank it's a prank dude he walks
up to people it's fucking nuts it's but at first he's gonna but it's one of the other kid laugh
he goes like this like like one guy was like yo dude you're
gonna get hurt but no no he makes him freak out they freak out so you want to fuck like he like
basically like looks through their soul and fun and they're just like and he just fucking dude
he stays in it and it's a whole thing that's stupid dude that's stupid he's he's gonna run
into the wrong guy he's gonna get shot go ahead yeah and you got it joe willie sit that's the
fucking this guy i didn't even know it that had the brown the brown on the side i mean that's Go ahead, Andrew, you got it? Joe Willie. That's the funniest guy.
I didn't even know that had the brown on the side.
I mean, that's...
That's funny because I remember the brown.
Oh, he's got cleats on.
I'm sorry.
I thought he had a...
He's just got cleats on.
All right.
Hey, Andrew, I'm going to send you a video.
This is the last thing we're going to play.
All right.
This is obviously, I guess, some jilted lovers lighting an ex-boyfriend's car on fire.
Watch this.
Pours the gas in.
Lights the match.
Oh, my.
Oh.
Came back to clean up, though.
I got came back.
You got the sound.
Can you put the sound up?
You got to hear it.
She didn't come back.
She was getting the evidence.
No, that's what I mean.
But.
Oh.
Dude.
She crawls.
She does a crab. She does. does the way like that chick in the ring
that's a crab in football oh my god this is what's so dumb about that like those other
two cars if that thing keeps burning are gonna catch on fire like that's like
and she put her head in she put her head in the window when she threw it.
It's like...
You can't.
You got to throw the match.
You got to, like in Goodfellas, you throw the lighter.
You fucking take a Zippo, you open it, you throw it.
Well, either that or you put less gas in there.
I think she emptied the whole can.
Look at her.
Watch her put her head in.
Boom.
Oh, my God.
This has been Anything Better, episode 66.
Check out the Monday morning podcast.
Check out the Verzi effect.
We'll be back next week.
Hope everybody has a good week in between.
You met her.
You accused her, and she tried to say she didn't do it,
and she had her hat all pulled down because she doesn't have eyebrows.
I don't know what you're talking about, man.
I was home all day yesterday.
Her hoodie is all brown crusted on the ends.
Andrew was just going, she's going, what?
What is this?
Andrew, did I miss anything?
We good?
She did a Brazilian wax to her face.
Crawled away like a crab.
Alright guys, that's it. We'll see you next week.
This has been Anything Better
episode 66.
Check out the Monday Morning Podcast.
Check out the Berzy Effect. We'll be back next week.
Hope everybody has a good week.
If you met her, you'd choose her and she'd try to say
she didn't do it and she had her hat all pulled down
because she doesn't have eyebrows.
I don't know what you're talking about, man.
I was home all day yesterday.
Her hoodie is all brown crusted
on the end.
Andrew, she's going, what?
What did you say?
Andrew, did I miss anything?
We good?
She did a Brazilian wax to her face.
She crawled away like a crab.
All right, guys, that's it.
We'll see you next week.