Anything Better? - Luxury Four Seat Fishing Rafts
Episode Date: September 24, 2022Is there Anything Better than Bill & Paul talking about being vindicated, fishing in comfort, and Charlie Murphy. Beard Club: Grow your best beard today and take 20% off your first order when you... go to BeardClub.com/BETTER and use code better Thuma: Go to Thuma.co/BETTER to receive a twenty-five dollar credit towards your purchase of The Bed plus free shipping in the continental U.S. Helix: Helix is offering up to 200 dollars off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners. Go to HelixSleep.com/BETTER Better Help: When you want to be a better problem solver, therapy can get you there. Visit BetterHelp.com/ANYTHINGBETTER today to get 10% off your first month.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
here we go what's up everybody and welcome back to another episode of your favorite podcast it's
the anything better podcast with your hosts bill bur Burr, Paul Berzy, and our producer, Andrew Themlis, out there in Beverly Hills.
And today, you guys are listening to episode number 69.
Who do we got, guys?
69 numbers.
All right, number 69, you have Jared Allen.
Nice 2000 player.
2004 to 2015, 187 game, 136 sacks paul six interceptions 19 fumble recover was five
time provost selection for first time all-time tied for nfl record with four career safeties
and then in baseball you got the 2004 redx champion Bronson Arroyo,
2006 All-Star, 2010 Gold Glove winner.
He played from 2000 to 2014 and came back briefly in 2017.
So the man has an MLB pension.
And I think that's it.
I don't know if there's anybody else here.
John Runyon.
John Runyon. John Runyon.
There you go.
There's another guy.
Runyon was an animal, yeah.
Yeah.
And you guys know what happens with 69 when you reverse the number.
When you turn it over, it's 69 again.
Sorry.
I thought it was 96.
Mark Sklereth.
That's that guy on ESPN.
Yeah.
Oh, Andrew Desjardins the jardins as they say out here is uh
hockey willie young 66 to 75 woody peoples here's some old school names
here's some old school names Chester
Pitts, Mike
Lewis, not a lot of names in this book
Jordan Mercer
currently active for the Pirates
oh here's one for you Paul
1960-1968
with a cop haircut
Cheryl Hedrick
alright I think we're done here
um
what are the most famous three-name athletes you could remember?
Three names.
I'm trying to think.
As you said, as you said.
What do you mean?
Like Louis Gossett Jr.?
Mario Van Peebles?
Van Peebles is his last name.
That's not three syllables? Oh, van people so i wasn't mario van
peoples like mario peoples it's mario van peoples uh dominic rogers cromarty he was a good defensive
back for the cardinals and the giants uh oh oh there's. Oh, there's a running back. There was a running back. Oh, Jason
Pierre-Paul.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
Nice. Oh, that's
the winner so far.
I saw a highlight
of Will Chamberlain blocking his
skyhook twice in a row.
Same play.
Wow. And people said you can't,
you know, for a long time people were like,
why doesn't somebody else develop that shot?
You can't defend against it, which is true unless you look at that highlight
and it's Will Chamberlain.
But it's also Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
So I don't think, I'm willing to say in his career he never took back-to-back
sky hooks on the same trip down the court.
And somebody blocked both of them other than that one time with Will.
No, that's that's amazing, dude.
Dude, that's Will Chamberlain never gets talked about.
Rarely, I should say. Rest his soul.
Will Chamberlain rarely gets talked about as greatest center ever.
I think he does.
I always hear Russell and Kareem always in the argument first.
Yeah, now so, but when I was a kid.
Okay, yeah, yeah.
You know, things go by.
You know how you guys are.
You're like, oh, the Beatles stink, right?
I mean, after a while, it's just like, hey, the guy scored 100 points in a game,
but they only won one championship.
I mean, Steve Kerr has more rings than this fucking guy.
I mean, it's just one half.
Richard Pryor, black guys do this, white guys do that.
I mean, it's just what happens.
It is a time thing.
That's very very
true yeah he did not stand the test of time well and there's been a couple of guys who kind of
fucking you know you know sports writer guys that shit on him saying about you know i don't know i
don't know i mean how do you shit on a guy who scores 100 points i don't give a fuck if he is ball hogging yeah no i i think the knock the knock on wilt was those uh those black and white
pictures of like white guys up to his dick like look like you go to a kindergarten game and you
start fucking with kids he would literally do this no what got him was bill russell yeah so
bill russell was getting the rings and he had the stats.
It was kind of like early Peyton Manning, Tom Brady,
where Peyton Manning had these gaudy stats and Brady was getting the rings.
But then Peyton crucially came back and got that second ring
with a different team when he could have gone to the stacked 49ers
and gotten a layup.
But instead, he went to the Broncos and earned it like a man.
That's why nobody fucks with him now, I feel.
Speaking of Peyton Manning, they were showing –
I've never watched the Manning cast,
but apparently there's a TV show where Eli and Peyton watch Monday Night Football.
They call the game, and they have guests on.
So this week, they had Saquon on after the giants win.
They had Shannon sharp and then they're watching the game and fucking
another coaching move.
That was kind of a blunder by the Broncos is they had 40 seconds left and
he's going like this.
Peyton's going Eli, Eli, doesn't he got it?
And Eli's going, yeah, dude, they're not even said he goes, Sutton does.
He was talking about the receiver. He goes, yeah, dude, Sutton's not settled. And? And Eli's going, yeah, dude, they're not even said. He goes, Sutton does. He was talking about the receiver.
He goes, yeah, dude, Sutton's not settled.
And Peyton's just going like this.
Dude, dude.
And they just started like, Peyton's going like this.
And then they called it at 20 seconds.
And then Shannon Sharp was the guest.
And he goes, did they just burn 20 seconds and then call a timeout?
And like Peyton was doing it.
And then Peyton just goes, as soon as it happened, he just goes.
It was like,
you could tell he was like,
I was just growing up watching a football game over the Mannings.
It's like,
I like those guys,
but it's just,
everybody knows so much.
I just feel like I can't say anything when I'm over there.
That's so hard.
She comes walking in with like an ice pack on his lower back
he's out that week for the Saints
and you're just kind of sitting there
Peyton you gonna introduce me to your friend there
his mother's like don't bother your father
his knees are killing him
this is Billy Burry lives down the street
oh yeah
you play ball
well yeah I mean I'm in the street but not like you guys i throw it around a little bit
no it was cool though man to see peyton going like no no dude dude it was like you could just
tell the guy is just so like in tune how cool would it be sitting next to him at a game and he was breaking
and he was like, yeah, dude, here's what's going on.
You're just like, oh, dude, why aren't you playing right now?
It's fucking incredible. He'd be a great coach,
dude. He'd be a great coach.
Yeah, he would. I think he'd be great.
I like him now in retirement, but I don't like any
of those Colts.
I don't like any of those fucking Colts.
The fucking whining and
bitch moaning and complaining they used to do against the fucking Patriots.
I'll never forgive that franchise ever.
Fuck all of them.
Not really.
I'm not really saying fuck Peyton Manning.
I'm just saying the fucking whining.
I get it.
And the tapes and the investigations.
And the jealousy, Bill.
The jealousy.
I know.
And then you turn around and they do.
And they were doing some of the worst shit ever.
They got caught cheating so many fucking times.
But for some reason, you know what it is, Paul?
It's the middle of the country, Paul.
And they just put them pants on one leg at a time.
And nobody gives a fuck.
You can literally fuck a pig in the middle of a fucking highway in the middle of the country
and the fucking the liberal media is that it's not going to pick it up unless you have on a maga hat
and you're gonna be sitting there eating an ice cream and they'd figure out something that you
did wrong they just don't give a fuck uh when you really think about what the san antonio spurs did
they might as well have done that in portugal like you want to talk about it's just like it
didn't happen in a big media market nobody cares dude the level of boss hog cheating ass
game and shit horse shit that the indianapolis Colts did while they were calling us out for doing the same fucking thing that they were doing.
But it was the middle of the country, Paul!
Yeah.
They got them family values out there, Paul!
You know what that reminds me of?
You know what that reminds me of? That Milwaukee Bucks championship where Giannis Antetokounmpo had 50 points in that closing game, that game seven, where he just went off.
That was one of the most undeniable NBA championship game performances.
Not a sexy city, Paul.
Yeah, it's true. that untold on donahue and every mother thing that i was saying i felt was going on in the 2000s
right through to right now that i am watching assisted reality
yeah the way they let certain players go to some teams and not other they got the whole thing
worked out not literally who's gonna win but who's gonna give us the most ratings and the
most fucking money in our pocket they're getting the fucking calls i mean that happens to a certain
extent with star players and everything but i'm just saying what was going on when they fucking
acted like he was the only guy fixing games i immediately the first thing i said was like how
long can i be shaving points paul and you're on the team with me before you're like bill what's going on with you two games yes it's a fucking joke and here's the other thing when
there are three officials for an nba game the other two guys they see a habit going on dude come on
come on and i i really believe stern rest his soul was filthy
if me you and Andrew Themlis were doing
an NBA game and you were Donaghy
one of us at halftime
would be like dude Bill is there something we should
Paul I'm not shaving points without
letting you in on it you're my boy
exactly
we're all going to steak and shake
after this buddy
Bill can I get a little scratch from this
What's going on
That's fucking great
Paul this is what we do
We'll fix one game a month
They're not going to notice
As long as we're on the up and up
One game a month
We get fucking paid
We'll just have
Thameless puts it in
Thameless goes to Vegas We just get him a linen fucking paid yeah they're not paying us enough we'll just have themilus puts it in all right
that most goes to vegas you know we just get him a linen a linen outfit you know matching top so
he looks like a fucking whale yeah we'll go in and we'll take care we'll take care of one dude
fuck these guys man they're all making fucking this guy's on the bench paul they're making
fucking more money we'll have seen a lifetime come on yeah yeah
that's wild dude dude it's utah versus the pelicans nobody's watching this
dude that yeah dude that's that yeah he's not the only one that's amazing oh dude when we go
out to the west coast we're up in portland if they're bad that year the whole east coast the midwest they're
asleep paul they're not even watching the fucking game oh dude that was said that was fucking sick
can i tell you this paul what about before espn well then you didn't even see those fucking
highlights oh god yeah dude that documentary of the player that his bookie friend goes dude just
don't win the guy that was supposed to be the number one pick in the NBA draft and he ruined his career because the FBI found out.
They go, yeah, dude, you could win.
Just don't win by eight.
Or you know what I mean?
Most easily fixed to manipulate.
My buddy just told me, New York guy.
He goes, there's a book that came out about the New York Knicks in 1989 about them throwing games because they owed money to drug dealers.
What?
Exactly.
What?
They just act.
Everybody acts like it's not happening.
It's like with Fox News and CNN.
They'll go after a comedian in a minute.
They're not going to go after big pharmaceutical.
They're not going to go after the fucking guys that turned our food supply into poison. They're not going after that. They're not going to go after big pharmaceutical. They're not going to go after the fucking guys that turned our food supply into
poison. They're not going after that. They're not
going to bite the hand that feeds. So the NBA
is the hand that feeds.
So they're going to do the rogue
fucking guy. Daniel Stern
was this visionary that
built the league and da-da-da-da-da
and all of that shit.
David. David.
Whatever his fucking name is.iel stern was the actor in
home alone i know he was you're right uh should have let me go with that because then people could
do the you would be the you would be the worst guy like that with daniel stern glasses on i mean
david stern glasses on yo andrew i just pictured if bill got caught like and the fbi was and bill's like all right dude
i'm gonna fucking just keep me out of the fucking jail i'm gonna sing you just start even getting
the other guy's names wrong yeah if i couldn't rat out on people if i wanted to i can't remember
their names the fbi guy would be confused you go wait who and then you would just you know
mickey jordan he plays for for the Chicago Blackhawks.
One of those fucking Chicago teams.
I can't remember.
I'm done with the NBA, Paul.
I know.
I watch it because the athletes are so good.
But I'm done with this whole stupid fucking trying to pay attention.
Oh, my God. Are the Lakers going to pass the Celtics? This is the thing, Paul. so good but i'm done with this whole stupid fucking trying to pay attention oh my god are
the lakers gonna pass the celtics this is the thing paul if you're writing this script of course the
lakers get 18 before the celtics do because the celtics held the record for the longest that's
more interesting and then it's like oh the celtics gonna fuck the better and you watch
they'll let us load up again like that bullshit big three thing
that they let us do yeah there's no business like show business like no business i know
but you know what i that's why the nfl season is here and you just go there you have your beers
and you get fucking hammered andrew speaking of of that, Paul, was there a better weekend?
I don't think I ever ate so many Tums and had heartburn.
That time we went to LSU, Alabama on Saturday,
spent a whole Sunday in New Orleans acting like we still had gigs
and then waited until the Monday night Saints versus Eagles.
That was amazing.
That was one of my fondest memories of going to a game with you.
And another one of my fondest memories going to a game with you is when we sat
in the car in front of that house because the residential people let you.
It was LSU.
Yeah, and me and you sat there.
And I think it was Michelob Lights.
Was it Michelob Lights?
And we just got hammered on Michelob Lights.
No, we also had we had we
had uh we had something hard too we had the mickelob lights that's the first beer i ever got
hammered on and that's the only city i know where they still sell it because that stupid mickelob
ultra so we're drinking mickelob mickey lights in front of somebody's house right there in baton
rouge oh and everybody just lets you park on their lawn and in front.
And then when it's time to go, you walk.
Me and Bill are drinking these.
Me and Bill are drinking these Michelob lights.
But, Bill, speaking of getting drunk.
Remember that old-timer?
The old-time Southern guy?
The LSU fan turns around to the Alabama section.
He goes, around the hole and down the bowl.
Roll, Todd, roll.
Yes, I do remember that.
You lost it.
And we started throwing a football with them.
But, Bill, we got something really funny that I saw that I sent to Andrew.
And I said, Andrew, me and Bill got to play this on anything better.
This is a grandmother drinking at the Cincinnati Bengals game.
And that's all I'll say.
I love it.
Let's see.
I still think that guy using a hot dog as a straw was brilliant.
That was one of the most disgusting things I've ever seen.
It is.
It's something you should have done in private but i understand it the the
the hot dog juice with the drink though that's that's where i get sick i mean come on paul yeah
yeah you're doing this you're fucking drinking you're eating the hot dog goes good together
ah nah i need the beer and then that feeling and then the hot dog. I can't have the juices together.
Hey, what can I tell you?
I'm more of an animal than you are.
You got to speak in an animal.
I mean, when I saw that, all I wanted to hear was real man of genius.
I get it, though.
It was.
Oh, dude, speaking of baseball, Aaron Judge has 57 now.
Oh, watch this.
Here we go.
Oh, God, watch out for the kid.
Dude, that's all beer, too.
The second one is when she just goes...
You know what's funny?
You know it's still cold.
You see, the guy actually looked.
He saw it.
He saw it coming out.
I'll be honest with you, dude.
She held it together pretty good.
She's dressed for it.
She knew what she was doing.
All right, let's stop watching this.
This is gross.
I give her credit, dude.
She hung in there.
She just...
The second one...
She's been drinking like that since kenny anderson was
their quarterback you have any concerts she's seen at that place i mean that's her that's her
go-to shit right there yeah she's had that steep for a long time yeah she had a guy next to paul
brown the guy the guy next to her just goes it just went right back
i loved it i mean what do you do nah i'll be honest with you that would that didn't even gross
me out that seemed like water coming out of her it wasn't even like i've seen way worse ones at
football i remember a long time ago we were fucking drinking in the woods you know fucking
kids being idiot and there was a buddy of, like he could shotgun a beer faster than anybody else.
He just was insane.
He just went, he was like, he just goes, it's coming back up.
The beer was in the can in him and on the ground and about fucking 2.5 seconds.
We were fucking dying laughing.
Dude, I, uh, I told you my stepfather told me this thing that they did in the Navy.
And I almost got really, really hurt from doing it.
But he goes, yeah, it's a gallon of water.
He goes, I used to do it with milk and nobody could ever do it.
But it's a gallon of water in a half hour without throwing up or puking.
You'll die.
And I, dude, my buddy, yeah, did you fucking. So I was at a p did you fucking so i was at a pizzeria i
worked at a pizzeria and the two owners were there and i'm talking about it and i go yeah
dude i started shaking i had to make myself throw up like i timed it perfectly blah blah and the guy
goes fuck you versi dude i'll fucking do that and no are you you fuck he goes i'll bet you a hundred
dollars and i go i go no dude you can't do it i go you'll get he goes this fucking
guy he goes you fucking get it and then he goes next door and he comes with a gallon of milk
and i go i mean a gallon of water and i go all right this guy's name was johnny and he goes i
go johnny don't don't do it man i was like it's not cool and he just goes you fuck he's laughing
at me and he fucking takes the money out he goes you literally they're laughing making fun of me
so he takes it slugs one right he just goes fucking guys an idiot right thanks to he gets to like a quarter of it and he
just goes all right all right he's just he took another one and he he threw it down and now the
gallon is halfway done and he did it way too quick within like eight minutes, six minutes. He had it down. He just goes, he goes, you're an asshole.
And he lunges towards the bathroom and his hand went out.
And when we called him a water fountain,
his hands went out like this.
And it just upstream.
He's lucky.
He's lucky.
Yeah.
No woman died doing that on a radio contest.
Cause they didn't understand what they were doing. I mean, I of it either like some you you drink too much water like it somehow
breaks down the lining of your cells or something like that which i don't know what that does but
it's not good for you and she died trying to win like a playstation for a kid oh my god yeah no
dude but it is watching somebody the the funniest thing about throwing up is the two seconds before they do for me.
It's just it's the it's it's it starts swallowing.
Start. That's a good one, too.
And they go, have you ever heard of sounds?
I like you. Like, I i'm not gonna lie to you
like what sounds what do you mean well you know i've heard like family members and my wife
when they're really sick i feel bad for them but the noises they make in the bathroom they make me
laugh like when you said somebody's just going like you know you're like you you know you got
nothing left and you just start going like like doing that shit it's echoing in there it just
reminds me of when what's his face was taking the piss and naked gun and he didn't know he still had
the microphone on and he farted all right it's beard club, everybody. Beard club. Guys, it's no secret that women love beards and we love growing them or trying at least. But having a great looking beard requires work, whether it's beard growth oils, styling products or a top of the line trimmer there's a small army of products required to grow your best beard luckily beard club is here
to help as the leader in beard first men's growth grooming say that 10 times in a row um beard club
delivers quality uh hardware and uh come what is that word there? Hold on a second.
Consumables?
Consumables?
Is that consumables? I don't know what the fuck it means.
Okay, I'll do that part again.
Beard Club delivers quality hardware and consumables
that help you get better, thicker, and fuller looking beard.
Head to beardclub.com slash better.
Take the beard quiz.
Use the code better at checkout.
They'll recommend a grooming kit that's tailored for your beard's needs.
Dude, they sent me the stuff, the oils and everything.
It's really an amazing package.
It's awesome, dude.
Seriously, if you're one of the, like, if you love your beard, this is for you. Um, the highlight, your beard,
if you do this all the time, you like a little soft. Um, the highlight of the grooming kit
is the PT four or five trimmer. It's truly a beard changing device. There's no painful hair
pulling it's sturdy as hell and has amazing battery life.
This is the same trimmer the NBA
player James the Beard
Harden uses. Yes.
He's also an
investor of the company. He does that himself?
I guess so.
Nah, he doesn't. The groom
kid features... He has his own fucking
barbershop. I can guarantee you that.
The groom kid features... He plays defense before he trim his own fucking barbershop. I can guarantee you that. The groom kit features.
He plays defense before he trim his own beard.
Oh, Andrew, you should keep that in there.
That's fucking great.
Oh, it's perfect.
The spray features strengthens, moisturizes your beard hair,
oils that prime follicles for optimal growth,
and the derma roller that rejuvenates dominant hair follicles.
No matter the type of beard you have,
Beard Club has the perfect kit to fit your needs.
Beard Club, over 2 million beards served.
Grow your best beard today
and take 20% off your first order
when you go to beardclub.com
slash better and use bonus
code BETTER. B-E-T-T-E-R.
That's
beardclub.com
slash better. Code
BETTER. B-E-T-T-E-R
for 20% off your first order. All right, everybody. It is Thuma.
Introducing the Bed by Thuma. Handcrafted from eco-friendly, high-quality, upcycled wood.
You'll find beautiful, unique variations in the natural grain. The minimalist design featuring Japanese joinery helps elevate any space. It's
super supportive for your mattress, breathable, and made to naturally minimize noise and create
space. The perfect platform bed frame just got better. You can now customize the bed by choosing
between an original pillow board or our new solid wood headboard.
The fabric pillow board adds softness and color to any space, while the headboard offers solid, sleek support.
The headboard attaches directly to the bed using Japanese joinery with no tools required.
Buy it with the bed or on its own as an upgrade.
Made for how you live, the bed by Thuma is backed with a lifetime warranty,
ships right to your door in three easy-to-maneuver boxes,
and takes about five-ish minutes to assemble.
With no tools required, you can easily build it yourself.
Okay, these things are amazing. They're easy. You can take them. You can easily build it yourself. Okay. These things are amazing.
They're easy. They, you can take them, you could travel with them. And it's easy if you have
children, you know, I have friends that have children, they're going to college. My kids are
going to go to college. This is something that works for them. Thuma practices an initial less
is more design philosophy for bed with clean lines, subtle curves,
and lifestyle enhancing details. Thuma proves that simplicity is the truest form of
sophistication. Thuma works with one tree planted to plant one tree for every bed. That's really nice too, man. You're going to help
the environment here by getting one of these to plant one tree for every bed and nightstand sold.
And all their essentials are Green Guard gold certified. Okay. I don't know exactly what that
means because it's the first time that I've read that, but I know that it's good for the
company. I mean, for the environment and the company. Okay. Along with the bed, Thuma offers
bedroom essentials to elevate bedtime. The mattress, the nightstand, and the side table
are perfect compliments to the bed. Create the feeling of checking in your favorite boutique
hotel suite, but at home with the bed by Thuma. And now go to Thuma.com or.c-o slash better
to receive a $25 credit towards your purchase of the bed, plus free shipping in continental U.S. Go to
Thuma.co, C-O slash better. That's Thuma, C-H-U-M-A dot C-O slash better for a $25 credit.
It's Helix, everybody. Helix Sleep is a premium mattress brand that provides tailored
mattresses based on your unique sleep preferences. The Helix lineup includes 14 unique mattresses,
including a collection of luxury models, a mattress for big and tall sleepers, and even a
mattress for just kids. So how will you know which mattress works best for you and your body? Well, here's how
you do it because we did it. You take a Helix sleep quiz, you find a perfect mattress in under
two minutes, and your personalized mattress is shipped straight to your door free of charge.
Everybody is unique and everybody sleeps differently. That's why Helix has several different mattress models to choose from. Each
design specific sleep positions and feel preferences. Models with memory foam layers
provide optimal pressure relief if you sleep on your side, which sometimes I do. Me and my wife,
we actually got the firm, the medium, medium firm,
and it has helped my lower back immensely. And that's dead serious. I feel like the injury is
actually gone after having a herniated disc back there. So it's definitely a good product. Plus,
Helix mattresses are American made and come with a 10 or 15 year warranty, depending on the model.
And remember, you get to try it out for 100 nights
risk-free. 100 nights. 100. And then you're just like, all right, this is, I mean, you're not going
anywhere after 100. That's when a company's like, you could have this thing for 100 nights,
that's how you know. We've had ours for years now, and we're going to stay with them.
It is even recommended by multiple leading
chiropractors and doctors of sleep medicine as a go-to solution for improving your sleep. Helix
is offering up to $200 off all mattresses, all mattress orders, and two free pillows for our
listeners. Go to helixsleep.com slash better with Helix Sleep Better starts now. All right,
everybody. Now a word from our sponsor, BetterHelp. Okay. BetterHelp has worked for a lot of people.
It's worked for me. It can be tough to train your brain to stay in problem-solving mode when faced
with a challenge in life.
But when you learn how to find your own solutions, there's no better feeling.
A therapist can help you become a better problem solver,
making it easier to accomplish your goals,
no matter how big or small.
If you're thinking of giving therapy a try,
a better help is a great option.
You could talk to these people right here on your computer. It's convenient,
accessible, affordable, and entirely online. Get matched with the therapist after filling out a
brief survey and switch therapists at any time. So you could be talking to somebody on there and
you could be like, ah, this is, I need somebody else. Boom. You could get it right there online.
ah, this is, I need somebody else. Boom. You could get it right there online. When you want to be a better problem solver, therapy can get you there. Visit betterhelp.com slash anything
better today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help. Okay. Yeah. You know how
to spell that.com slash anything better.
All right, I got one for you.
What's the most embarrassing or public?
I should not embarrass you.
What's the most public place you've ever thrown up?
Well, I've always been so hammered.
I can't remember where.
I had one on a class trip.
I had one when they were given a sightseeing tour and I was laying in the fucking grass on this bluff.
Down on the Cape.
What do you mean?
What do you mean?
A bluff.
I don't know what you call it.
It was like long grass that was leading down the side of a cliff towards the ocean and me my buddy who drove
drank so much during the day it was like the middle of the day and we were just completely
passed out and i started to come around because i was getting sick and i heard this little boy say
mom why is that man laying down there why is that man sleeping down and i got up and i just
went oh fucking yacked and just how old were you uh like 20 21 i was i mean i was a man to that
kid but i was a kid i was stupid why is that man then i also remember we got a flat and i was hammered and i put the jack i
didn't have it under the frame and his floorboards and went through the bottom of his car
it was a mess of a day uh i put the wrong i put the jack on the car in the wrong place and bent
the frame once because i didn't know what the fuck I was doing and I didn't want to tell anybody.
You didn't bent the frame.
You bent something attached or something.
Yeah, you can't bend the frame.
You're supposed to put it on the frame.
Yeah, the thing in the middle.
You know, like I was too far towards the middle of the car
and I just started to see a bend and the guy's like, oh, you need help.
Dude, you want to talk about now?
The exhaust pipe? The cop was like, dude, I can't really help you, help dude you want to talk about the exhaust pipe the cop was
like dude i can't really help you but you're gonna have to get like he like was kind of like telling
me what to do it was brutal man yeah i didn't i did i was fucking hammered and then it was also
it was a piece of shit car so it came with those one of those jacks that was like this big and then
he had like that old timey crank yeah the thing was thing was I wasn't hammered. That's the,
I wasn't, I still do it right now.
If I had a flat right now and I was on my own completely sober,
it would be, I'd get it done, but it would be a,
it would be a real long process as sad as it is to say, dude,
I can't change my own oil as sad as that is to say, wouldn't know how to do it.
I'll be honest with you.
I don't think I've ever looked under the hood of my car because you just get them serviced now.
Once a year they go in.
So like I would have to do I would have to get the manual out to make sure.
That, you know, whatever dipstick I was pulling out, you know, obviously you would see oil, but I would still be like, I don't trust this.
Dude, if I tried changing my own oil, I'd look like one of those ducks
after a fucking Exxon oil spill.
Like I would be fucking, I would just be completely.
Well, the thing is, there's no way to get underneath the cars anymore.
The cars like sit on the ground and then you open it up and just every it's just
it looks like la where it's just just like i don't know what half this is there's all kinds
of computer chips i'm afraid of them on my old truck i could do it no problem i can literally
i open the hood of my truck and i look down and i can still see the driveway like looking down into
the thing the only thing about my F-100,
the reason why I don't do it is because there was like a design flaw where the oil pan sits there
and where you untwist it, the frame is right underneath it. So if it hits it, it goes all
over the place. Like I've watched them at Jiffy Lube do it. They have like this giant spout that
comes out and then they have like this big drain and then they take like a uh a hole
they got a hose off the frame to get rid of all the oil that spills all over it's just how they
designed it but i used to the thing about changing your tire was you needed uh you needed a good jack
and you needed a breaker bar that was the thing just to get those things off i remember a long
time ago doing a stand-up gig this other piece of shit pickup
truck that i had i got a flat on the driver's side on like fucking the highway and that's like
how you die at night and i got out i had that thing fucking changed in about 10 minutes because
i already had my spare tire i had it in the bed because i didn't want it underneath the truck
because that little housing thing was shitty metal and it would rust out after the bolt would rust on it was like i'm not
gonna be sitting here trying to get this fucking thing on the side of the road so i had i and i
like and i had a professional jack like a real one not you know i mean like a fucking real one
professional jack cars up i mean i had a real one not that
because the bullshit one that i had like literally was like you know part of it was like under the
hood you open your hood and unbolt it and take this little fucking tree stand out i got that
one that went up like that then when you turn it it came down nice and slow i got one of those
and i had this big breaker bar for the uh to get the bolts off
and that and the big thing was you just loosened them while the tire was still on the ground
then you jacked it up and went the rest of the way off on got them back on lower it down and
then fucking crank them and jump back in your truck before some drunk driver hit you yeah jesus
dude your your f your f-150s just a mean looking beaut it's a fucking 100 yeah they
didn't have the 150 yet but then yeah it's a fucking the front of it is fucking beautiful
man i was looking at some cars i'm waiting it's great grandsons coming in january
i told you i ordered a f-250 a 2023 oh. Oh, you ordered it?
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
I didn't know you pulled the trigger.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, shit.
It's so stupid.
No, man.
No, it's not.
You know what?
It's going to be great, and it's going to, because I'm not going to work the way I've
been working, Paul.
I miss my kids too much, and I'm just, I don't give a shit.
I just don't i and i i know that if i just you know don't work as much but i still do quality quality is what people
hopefully keeps people coming to your shows but like yeah i want to uh yeah like i have a lot of
shit that i have not done for 30 fucking years look at this shit dude i love football more than
anybody and i haven't been able to watch any games so i don't i mean what what's the point of
doing that no it's all yeah just keep going to the next level the next level the next level i've
made enough fucking money i got two beautiful kids and a great wife got a beautiful house the
fuck am i doing what are you doing yeah no dude i'm looking at a i was looking at a boat me and
the watergate hotel paul what am i doing here i mean who doing? Yeah, no, dude, I'm looking at a, I was looking at a boat. Me and Lucas are looking at a boat. I'm in the Watergate Hotel, Paul.
What am I doing here?
I mean, who am I?
No, dude, me and Lucas are looking at a boat.
We're going to buy a fishing, but like a, like a, like a little fishing boat that you
go out on, on like the, on the reservoirs and the lakes and shit.
Well, what do you mean, dude?
It's fucking awesome.
I'll send you a picture.
I'm saying that's fucking great.
Oh, oh, I thought you were like, no, I'm going to judge you. judge you and buy my second pickup truck it can barely change a light bulb but you want to
laugh stacy goes paul what are you doing she saw google search you ready for this i put luxury
like luxury four-seat fishing rafts or or like boats and and nobody's ever put luxury you're either going out on a joy ride
trying to bang your side piece on a boat or you're going fishing
she goes paul there's no luxury she goes you just get one you go fishing it's a four-seater
and i go no no you could get like leather it's comfortable if you sit down and she's just like
yeah but the money you might as well get a fucking big boat i'm like no no we're gonna
get a small fishing boat i want it to be comfortable but then i yeah it's it's i mean
there's not many luxury raps yeah wait you're gonna take it out on one of those lakes up there
huh uh reservoir reservoir lake i'm getting all the fishing permits and stuff like that dude
i gotta be honest man we went fishing on vacation it was so fucking cool man i cut we cut it up they
gave i got four fillets from this fluke and then we fought i cooked it that night they so what they
do is i gotta you have to have so when you go fishing and you get a charter boat i got a charter
boat and they were like oh oh, with other people.
I go, no, no, we're not.
It's going to be us on a boat.
I fucking got a captain and it's just us.
Right.
So we go out and in order, in order.
No, because, you know, you could do it like, oh, I'm fishing private.
I'm fishing private.
Not this commercial shit.
Yeah.
It's seven o'clock in the morning.
It's going to be me and the people that I fucking love.
And that's it.
So he goes, listen, he goes, the fish you catch, go back in if it's not a keeper. And he goes i fucking love and that's it so he goes listen he goes the
fish you catch go back in if it's not a keeper and he goes a keeper 17 inches or longer and i got one
i got a fluke that was 17 and a half and he goes oh this is a keeper and he fucking dude i actually
got a bit out of it because he threw the thing in a fucking cooler because we still had half the day
and while i'm casting out this thing's fucking flopping around in there it's just like i'm like when does this stop it was like it's
like fucking billy bats in the back of the but that's what's good yeah it's hilarious that's
what's good about it though i open it you respect the fact that you're taking a life and then you're
going to want to use the whole thing if you actually kill the thing that you're eating
well i said to him i go listen man like he goes i go you're going to want to use the whole thing. If you actually kill the thing that you're eating.
Well, I said to him, I go, listen, man, like he goes, I go,
you're going to cut it up. And he goes, it would be funny if you did,
but I'm gonna, so we're done. And we only get one keeper.
We caught 13 fish out of the 13 fish. Only one was 17 inches or longer.
So dude, they, they, they sideways cut the head off. They open the middle.
They do the whole thing. What was really fucked up, dude, it was all clean head off. They open the middle. They do the whole thing.
What was really fucked up, dude, it was all clean white fish when he took it out.
He put it in a Ziploc bag.
Then he just takes what's left of the carcass.
And without even thinking, dude, he just, like, throws it in.
And, like, all these birds came.
Dude, it was really, like, I felt fucking bad for the end of that thing's life.
But we went home, and I got four big fillets of this fluke.ke for anybody that doesn't know flounder and fluke are the same thing it's basically different season so in the summer
they call it fluke and when you get one in the winter they call it flounder but they're basically
they lay on the bottom and both of their eyes are on the same side and dude it's really a delicious fish so then i put lemon salt pepper a little bit of
capers flipped it over dude three minutes and fucking everybody took a bite and was like holy
shit so i'm in dude i'm in i'll tell you this whoever said booze and boats don't mix never drank on a boat yeah yeah but i do booze and boating
completely mixed that's the problem yes cars and booze cars and booze it's like drinking and driving
is not fun drinking and boating is a fucking blast. Yeah, you could get busted for both.
Oh, no, yeah, you shouldn't do it.
I'm just joking because it doesn't mix.
It's like, oh, yeah, it does.
It absolutely does.
And that's why you have to make this statement because it's like.
Oh, dude, what's his?
Do you ever see what's his name?
What's his name?
It's just so stupid and over the top.
Jeff Bezos has like a 200 million dollar yacht that literally
looks like a cruise ship but when you look at it it's like a luxurious hotel it's like
it's like too much dude it's like it's just it's it's i mean it's ridiculous but uh what do you do
with that being nice for an afternoon that's a crazy waste of money 200 million dollars on a
fucking boat it's you know i guess it's relative all
relative if you have 200 billion right you know it's like no it isn't i i couldn't you could
could you buy if you had 200 billion dollars could you spend 200 million on a boat for yourself
no no if i wouldn't pay more than yeah i mean i would no i would buy like a
fucking 20 foot yacht like a 20 foot yacht for like 400 grand something like that and that's
just a fun thing to go off go fishing and stuff but like you know i mean that guy's got spaceships
dude it's like oh shit look at that fucking helicopter, man. Look at that.
Oh, that's the fucking Air Force.
Is that Air Force One?
I don't know.
Did you see it?
Just went right by the.
Oh, you see.
Where are you?
You in D.C.?
Probably trying to go find out where Joe Biden wandered off to.
Guys, we got a code.
He's gone again. He's gone. gone dude i've been doing this bit talking about
how trump's gonna come back and we're just and then they're gonna bring joe biden back and we're
just it's just gonna be this standoff of our fucking idiot is better than your fucking idiot
i mean paul we are turned around when biden turned around to shake hands with nobody there dude i
don't give a fuck if you like him i was one of the funniest he just goes he said this he went like this dude he just turned around and put his
hand out and there was literally nobody there and he just goes it's like dude the left and the right
have to admit that they're picking the wrong person right now and we have to get back to somebody
who has their faculties and that somebody that isn't a complete lunatic talking to the dumbest people
in the fucking world i said how about a 36 year how about a 37 year old fucking good looking gq
magazine motherfucker coming out of a limo and shit you know look tight look tight hair i don't
give a fuck about his image paul how about some guy that can run the country? No, I know, but none of these guys look the part either.
Can we look the fucking part?
You're just always going to be that guy with a new hoodie and a fucking Yankee hat and Air Force Ones.
That's what you want out of a president.
No.
Actually, I almost said I don't have a president.
I want a guy who looks like he could go hang out with Jay-Z.
Yeah, dude, that's my thing.
I just want somebody
competent and i want somebody that's gonna bring people like together but i don't know that you
can do that anymore with fox news and cnn how they go after each person whoever's yeah
they'll get demonized they're gonna get demonized but of course when i said i wanted them to look
the part of course i meant competent i
don't want some good looking guy that's a fucking moron i want a guy but but but nobody has looked
the part like i mean like the last good looking guy who's president was jfk i mean come on
definite definite best and look one of the youngest good looking it looked like yeah
like as much as i don't like that guy and what's his name? Like that guy, the guy who put the black face on and all that stuff,
the Justin Trudeau in Canada, as much as like, at least the guy looks,
the guy looks like a young, like a youthful.
He's looking racist.
He's like, yeah, I'm not a fan. I'm not a fan of that guy.
he's like yeah i'm not a fan i'm not a fan of that guy but this this is the last thing i don't get why the democratic party is not going where we are not with these lunatic left people
trying to tell you what you can and can't say and end your career and i don't know why the
conservative party isn't saying we're not with these mouth
breathing fucking racists morons okay like what i need paul i need sanity yeah and i don't give a
fuck what color tie it's wearing that's what i want this next one the fact that we're going to
bring this back it's like you might as well have vince mcmahon running the fucking thing they should have like theme music and it's joe biden starting to make a speech
they should just start playing trump's theme music and he comes storming down
i mean oh shit yeah yeah i agree donald trump says
that guy with the high voice, whatever the fuck that guy is.
Yeah, no, I agree with you.
I agree.
No, because neither one of them is an accurate portrayal of what I see when I'm actually going around the country traveling.
And the people that I meet, they're not like trying to cancel you because of things you say.
And they're not like trying to cancel you because of things you say. And then that racist fucking morons.
They're just people like, hey, man, I was a guy and I got a couple of kids.
You know, things are going good.
They're just fucking normal people.
Yes.
That's what I I've got that to where the stuff we're seeing is the smaller percentage and the greater percentage. Three channels, Paul.
No more Internet.
Right. You just go back to fucking you make it small again everybody being able to throw in their fucking comment and then like you watch these people on the internet and the stuff that
they say in these chat rooms is just to start arguments and everybody just gets like all
fucking mad like i can't remember last time i left a comment on anything um no why would because you're fucking normal you make i leave a comment no it's not because
people know who i am paul i'm not i mean i would be right in there fucking pissing people off
would you i would you be i i mean how do you resist i mean i understand trolls it's too much fun
uh dude when colin quinn used to do that shit like hey say what you
want about led zeppelin but you know they really needed a few more hits and people like what are
you talking about like their whole album oh that's that's different yeah yeah that's like a fun look
but there are people that troll like evil you know there are people that are like he did it in a smart
funny way you know you would never like you know it used to never that are like, he did it in a smart, funny way.
You know,
you would never like,
you know,
it used to never fucking happen.
I'm not saying the world was better,
but like,
at least you didn't have to listen to it.
It's like,
I, I,
I don't know what the fuck's going on.
There's some sort of fucking movie coming out where there's a mermaid and
there's a,
uh,
whoever's doing the voice is not white.
And I guess the mermaid's white.
And there's like white people
who actually are taking the time to give a fuck it's live action yeah oh it's live action so she's
in it yeah yeah oh so she's in it and they're upset why because this fictitious thing isn't
like what what in the fuck yeah i don't know you know what i mean that's like i don't know
it's like i'm into sports but i'm not going to literally sit there and play fantasy football
that's like the fantasy football level of being like a racist i feel that that and then they're
going to sit there and act like that's most white people that they actually give a shit about a mermaid movie i think that's
another thing too what rather than presenting those people as lunatic fringe people they present
them as the average everyday person walking down the street right it's like the average everyday
person walking down the streets like me you don't even know the fucking movie's coming out
yeah no that's i i don't think i think it's a smaller percentage but since they make the
loudest noise the media runs with it you know they don't even make the loudest noise they
amplify it so it is it's like paul when something you do a show in front of a thousand people 999
have a good time one person has a rough time they don't like it and then they fucking interview them
and then that's they become like what the show is. Well, yeah, there was something that was said.
I'm not going to say the company's name,
but all this company was really upset about something that happened.
So they had like a storm out and hundreds of employees stormed out.
And then you found out that it was like two dozen employees,
like just that like showed up.
They weren't even in the building.
It was like, it wasn't re it was like, but the media,
the camera pans out on 24 people.
But it's the thing.
Regular people are doing the same thing.
They're doing that with their YouTube pages.
That's right.
Bad thing.
It's a bad thing.
Like somebody brought this up.
It was a great point in my podcast going,
where the fuck is liberal Hollywood with Jackson,
Mississippi right now?
Do we need to change our name to Ukraine for you to figure this out? The best thing the left could do right now is help out all those people in Jackson,
Mississippi and treat them like fellow Americans rather than looking down their noses at them
because they don't feel that they vote the same way. It's stupid. You know, we'll hear about the
same way that people on the right when hollywood catches on fire they
shouldn't be like laughing going good you fucking hollywood devil media running sons of bitches like
we got to stop doing that man we're killing ourselves two sides two extreme sides um
r.i.p to the queen lord knows we going to hear about it for another fucking three months,
but RIP to the queen.
Because I learned some stuff about Queen Elizabeth,
and she seems like a cool chick.
She had some really cool quotes.
Rest her soul.
Somebody was playing this clip of Irish.
Oh, what is his name?
I just forget his name.
Was playing this clip at an Irish soccer game.
They were singing that she's in a box now.
Jesus.
Well, they haven't exactly been nice to them.
Right, right.
Dude, did you see Prince Charles or King?
I'm sorry now, King Charles. Did you see him, that video of him with the workers?
I lost money, dude.
I was convinced they were going to skip over
him dude he went like this he fucking dude he came out and he fucking treated a servant like
a fucking servant dude they were like oh my god dude he came out and he literally was like he
looked at his dude the way he did it was like oh shit yeah that's a. It's acting like a fucking king from fucking hundreds of years ago.
Fucking.
That how the king has to act.
No.
Exactly.
That's a fucking asshole move.
How about if you know what it is, Paul, at the end of the day, if you had to put money on the fight, who wins?
Right.
Yeah. the end of the day if you had to put money on the fight who wins right yeah you want to hear one of the most profound things i ever heard yeah with no meat on the bone the late great charlie murphy
it was something that went down and he had to like take it i said you're not gonna do you know
no he did something about it.
Then he got in trouble.
This one, he was younger.
And he goes, you know what I learned on that day or something like that?
I said, what?
He said, bitches run the world.
So the world is run by bitches.
Meaning most of those guys that are making us all miserable and all of that couldn't fight their way out of a fucking wet paper bag.
They never had to.
But they have all this money and power
so they got all these people to fight their fights for them.
And then Charlie Murphy
is looking at himself
where he could have fucked any of them up
but
he doesn't have their juice.
So then a guy like him,
he was a fucking warrior, man.
I saw him one time with the fucking Tempe improv,
get into it with this guy where they were just talking about martial arts
and whose style was better, and Charlie was just going like,
I'm telling you, man, my style's, I've fought against guys like you.
You're not going to get me.
The kid was like, all right, let's go.
And they were just fucking twisting each other.
And Charlie was looking over at me, smiling, just handling the dude.
And, like, Charlie at that point was, you know, late 40s, and this kid was, over at me smiling just handling the dude and like charlie at that
point was you know like late 40s and this kid was like in his 20s he was still all you know full of
piss and vinegar he had no problem with them what's that's awesome yeah man i uh that's awesome
i've lost a lot of friends and with that that you know and all the friends that i think of that guy i think about him in this stuff that he said a lot a lot i really miss that guy man um that was one of the coolest
things ever man i i ran into someone one time that also knew him you know it was just like yeah i i
i knew charlie he was oh yeah char Charlie loved you. I knew Charlie really well.
It made me feel good that he had positive things to say about me, man,
because that fucking guy, Jesus Christ.
He had a smile, man.
He had a –
The fucking stories he had, you know, those true –
those Charlie Murphy true Hollywood stories, dude, he had me crying laughing.
I can't say the names. It's his story.
I wasn't there, but he was talking about how he was at a party one time and there was the
current boxing champion there of some weight class. And he was drunk and he was trying,
he was telling everybody there that he could throw four punches in under a second
this close to your ribcage, and he wouldn't hit you.
And he kept hitting guys because he was drunk.
And they'd be like, oh, and they'd fucking go down.
And then he would go, you moved, you moved, right?
And they weren't moving, they were just hammered.
So I was going like, why were people doing that?
And he was going like, I don't know.
The way he told the story
it was just basically a bunch of goofy white guys who wanted to get in good with this guy so they were literally to a boxing champion were going like this and he put his head in there
and the last one cracked their ribs and these guys were folding oh and then he would
just be like oh you
move man you and he couldn't tell if he was fucking with them or whatever but he said
he was in the kitchen because he didn't want he goes like he goes i don't be near that
motherfucker he was drunk he's crazy he goes that's the champ i don't want to be near him
so charlie had like a respect for him but he also saw the show and the story so he was like
standing in the doorway peeking in watching these white guys in their fucking, you know, button down shirts like me getting folded over.
Oh, man, that's great.
You know, he had that one.
He had an O.J. story.
Dude, he had some fucking stories of like.
It was such a specific era.
The people when he would tell those stories of who was there.
He would tell stories and it would be like, you know, it was like me, Eddie.
The second lead on Knight Rider and fucking the guy from Hardcastle McCormick.
It was just like I was like, what do you guys all get?
That was a big show, man.
That guy had a big show.
That's great.
There would just be this shit that
they were doing
and there was like no cell
phone cameras or anything
and it was such
a small puddle too, dude, as far as
who was famous. So if you got too, dude, as far as who was famous.
So if you got there, dude, the fucking money was nuts, was fucking nuts. Well, now I feel like it's bursted into like a billion slices of pie
and there's only a few that are getting like, you know, like the big thing.
Like there was a guy, like back in the day, a performer could make like, you know, like the big thing, like there was a guy like back in the day, a performer could make like, you know.
Moon wouldn't make Bezos level money, but he would go out and buy that fucking yacht and go broke.
Buy a $200 million yacht and have all his boys on it and shit.
And there'd be all this wild shit that happened.
And now, yeah, I don't know.
You can't fucking do it.
Maybe that's where you got to go now. You got to out to sea um dude if you get that boat man i'm in
yeah no it's fun and the the reservoir here is good but you got to get all kinds of shit now
you got to get like a uh it's not just a license and a permit you got to get a water access thing
because especially this is um this this uh reservoir is the cleanest. This reservoir supplies New York with
a ton of its drinking water. So I got to get all these permits and stuff. But dude, when we do,
it's so beautiful, man. It's around the mountains too, dude. It's beautiful. We'll definitely do it
when you come up. You know what's amazing about a guy like Charlie Murphy, rest his soul?
There are certain people you feel their presence.
Like, I remember I ran into that guy at Stand Up New York,
and he was on stage doing a joke.
And I said something to him after, just a big smile,
and just like what you felt the dude.
Like, certain people you fucking feel when they're there, man.
Like, you know, it's amazing.
The only other guy that had a vibe like him that I was ever around
was Lawrence Taylor.
It's amazing. The only other guy that had a vibe like him that I was ever around was Lawrence Taylor.
When I did Inside the NFL, I can't describe what his vibe was like.
And he was oblivious to it.
As far as like he was just being himself.
It wasn't like, hey, man, I'm Lawrence Taylor.
I need to turn it on.
it wasn't like hey man i'm lawrence taylor i need to turn it on he was just like i saw him like literally just like looking at like his phone or whatever and people were just drawn to him
and it's beyond that's lawrence taylor he had like that thing charlie had that where it was like
he came in the room you sensed he was in the room. He had that fucking laugh.
And then also he was like, he was a fun guy.
And he was a fucking like guy's guy.
And he was a warrior too.
And like, you know, it's just one of those, you can just feel like I'm not fucking with that guy.
I wish I was like that guy.
I wish I could handle somebody the way that i mean he was like a fucking um
he was hilarious dude and then he was also like really like inquisitive
like really you know like how so well you know if he met somebody
you know you just like he would he would get into shit that you wouldn't think he would get into.
You know what I mean? Which I think is the artist's brain where a lot of people it's kind of like, hey, I'm from here.
This is how you do things and you kind of stay in that world. where like i feel like other people that have more of a seeker brain or like an artistic brain
all of a sudden like um um i'll tell you somebody who i love who reached out to me
i posted some pictures because i went to that poison motley crew joan jett and Def Leppard.
And I got a text from Lunel going,
hey, next time you go to some shit like that, let me know.
I was like, you like Poison and Mother of the Crew?
She's going, oh, that was my shit.
And I was just, I never in a million years,
I was like, I never in a million years would have guessed
that you knew any of that shit.
She goes, no, every rose has its thorn i lost my
oh my god i had no idea so i that's for me like going on the road or whatever if
i'm hanging out with people i like hanging out with people like that where
there's like you know
and he was he was like that where it was just like he would he would like know
about or be in the shit that you never thought he would.
He would be into.
And then the other shit that you think you'd be into, he knew all the way down to like bedrock.
Like this, like when he talked about martial arts and he talked about guys, man, he could like.
about martial arts and he talked about guys do it man he could like he could do 20 minutes on those martial arts magazines because he used to read them when he was a kid and he used to always
laughing at the the guy getting his ass kicked on the cover he'd be cracking up about that
and but then like me listening to him reminded me of like he's into these martial artists the way
i was into metal bands and i used to read hit parader so those karate magazines were like his hit parader because he was like man i still
got those things like i'm somewhere in the house or something like that and um i don't know i like
talking about because i don't want that shit to fade because it was you know 20 years ago we did
that tour in uh yeah yeah no no this is great the um in delirious when that
woman yelled out you just hear shut up bitch that's that's charlie and that's why eddie laughed
so you knew that right oh i didn't know that so during delirious and that's why eddie just laughed
and actually during the taping it's on the special a woman yelled something like an instantaneous
year shut up bitch and it was charlie and eddie fucking just dropped the mic and started walking
around because he was so protective of him and and i was like that's i always thought he was
laughing at what the woman said because he said i didn't bet y'all didn't think i could throw my
voice he was talking about what charlie was saying. When Charlie, when she said it, listen again.
Right after she says it, you hear, shut up, bitch, and it's Charlie.
Well, Charlie told me stories about doing security on his tour.
And then when Eddie came back and was in, I think it was in Raw,
when he was talking about getting sued and they act like he beat up the whole bar.
Yeah.
And then years later, I worked with Charlie and was saying, yeah, my brother had to let me go because I got too aggressive.
I always wondered, and I can't confirm that if he was talking about that.
But he used to say, he said, yeah, man, if we walk down the street and somebody, yo, Eddie, you ain't funny.
He goes, I go and fuck him up.
That's so good.
He's like, yeah, you're fucking talking about my brother like that.
I mean, it was like really like.
It was hilarious, dude, like like that guy, I'm telling you, man, like that guy was um he was that guy i'm telling you was a
new york legend like if somebody ever did a mural they got you know and all the new york legends
you got to put him in there and his funeral dude was incredible it was a he got a new york he got
the new york legend um send off that he And it was like, it was an honor to
be there. Like I was just sitting there like, like, you know, I've been to, unfortunately,
a lot of funerals. And that was that one was, you know, his funeral was was like, they his friends
sent him off. Right. I'll tell you that that's that's amazing and
great to hear bill how old was he when he started stand-up he started stand-up after
chappelle's show right was he in his 40s when he started late 40s he was like 46 or 47 well that
that uh i'm rick james bitch thing. I'm Charlie Murphy.
That all fucking blew up.
And then I think Don L,
Don L saw it and was like,
dude, you should do standup.
You and I will do a thing.
And then they grabbed me and it was like,
he did two shows,
two open mics. And we went out on the road, and he was billed as the headliner,
and it was really, he would do like 10 minutes, this is the first couple of gigs, he would do 10
minutes, he would host, and then I would go out, and then Donnell would close it. And Charlie was the guy who taught me that you can write an hour if you have to.
But he started in June.
By August, he could talk for 50 minutes.
It wasn't great.
It was his first 50 minutes.
But then he learned how to do that.
That's incredible, dude.
No, he wrote movies for Eddie.
I think he wrote...
He wrote Norbit, didn't he?
He wrote Norbit.
I think he wrote Vampire in Brooklyn.
Yeah, and he was talking about one of those movies, I remember.
He was writing it.
They were out in Hawaii.
And he was talking about how his family was out there playing by the pool and everything.
And he was just sitting there fucking writing this thing.
That was Norbit.
They wrote Norbit in Hawaii.
Because I'm an Eddie.
You know me.
I love Eddie.
So, yeah, he wrote that.
That shit was hilarious, by the way.
Well, I remember we were supposed to do the improv.
No, we were supposed to do the improv no we were supposed to do hilarities in cleveland and then he dropped out the last second because he had to
go fly to go write that movie and dude like they wrote that movie in like two weeks like they had
that thing ready to go and then it was like the next year i think like they shot it or whatever and uh yeah he was in norbert was his idea
he was watching there's a youtube video there's a famous youtube video from way back in the day
big black woman and there's a uh skinnier black dude he's trying to hit her and she keeps putting
her face out and as he goes to swing she'd pull it back and she'd hit him and he fell for it every time she kept sticking it out
pulling it back and hitting him and then was dragging him across the street hitting it and
and i remember uh i think this was i can't remember this is so long ago
if he had seen it first or if i went to show it to him and then and they'd already made norbert
i feel like when i finally showed that to him he said yeah he goes that's that's where i got the
idea for that movie he goes i saw that video and i was dying laughing and i sent this to eddie going
eddie this is a movie you gotta be got to be this woman and this dude.
This guy is scared shitless
and his girlfriend beats the fuck out of him.
He saw it and just was like...
Everybody else saw it and thought it was funny.
He saw it and goes, this is a movie
and showed it to Eddie and I guess Eddie was laughing.
I feel like I'm really speaking out of school here
because I don't remember how...
This is my remembrance of it.
This was a long time ago, so please don't.
No, that makes sense, dude.
That makes sense.
And I remember hearing that Eddie and his brother Charlie were writing that in Hawaii
because I remember seeing it.
And there were some scenes and lines that were so,
because when he played the nerdy Norbit and he just would smile,
like nobody did that better than him.
I mean, it was the best.
You know, that's amazing.
Well, rest in peace to Charlie.
We still love that.
What's that one Eddie did with Steve Martin?
He's like, yeah, it was awesome.
Oh, my God, dude.
Bowfinger.
Bowfinger, yeah.
Amazing.
Bowfinger.
Anytime that movie's on, me and my wife just watch it.
My dad loves the scene where he's crying when he has to cross the street.
I actually always feel bad for him.
Like, I don't want to do that anymore.
I mean, who's more talented?
It's Eddie and Jamie Foxx.
Am I crazy for saying those two are the top two?
Oh, no, not at all.
Not at all. And then
I think after that, if you're trying to find anybody as talented as them, you have to get
out of acting. You have to go to like a musician or I don't know what. Yeah. Like that's not like,
you know, guys like that come around, dude. Like one person like that comes around, I feel,
guys like that come around dude like one person like that comes around i feel every quarter of a century if you're lucky yeah you know what i mean like um trying to think like
i don't know like michael jackson james brown like guys like that they just don't I don't know that's why I like with sports
if there's somebody that's like truly great
that's why I'm psyched like over the last
like 25 years every great baseball
football hockey basketball player
I went out and I
saw him from Kobe to
Ichiro to
fucking you know
the Dan Marino, you know,
and everybody's going to be shit on me for Dan Marino.
You don't fucking get – I had no running game and no defense.
That guy threw for 5,000 fucking yards when you could beat the shit
out of receivers, QBs, clothesline people, and all kinds of shit.
And that guy threw for like 5, fucking yards um and 48 touchdowns when it
meant something when like the next closest guy had like 27 or 30 um i'm glad i saw brady i'm
really glad i saw brady i really am and i saw brady in his in his prime prime the year that
he broke the record i saw him man and i The best thing that happened for his legacy was he won in Tampa too.
That shut everybody up.
They'll never shut everybody up because there's always going to be haters.
But, like, the greatest thing about that is it's just like,
now what are you going to say?
You can say he's a system quarterback.
Yeah, he can't.
He can't do it without Belichick.
He just did.
He just did.
Yep.
Well, listen, I got to go get my little boy from i'm jesus little
boy he's getting older uh i've got to go get uh lucas from from practice um dude what a great
episode man such a great you're gonna be a grandfather with a boat on a fucking lake are
you kidding me you won all you gotta get is one of those grandpa hats. It's the best.
Oh, dude, I'm going to be a grandpa on a boat with a cigar. I'll put my dog on a fucking boat.
You think I give a fuck? I don't understand. I just don't understand people who won't be their fucking age.
Oh, this this it's the Internet, this obsession with trying to look younger than you are. Who gives a fuck? You got to be that age. Now you're this age.
than you are who gives a fuck you got to be that age now you're this age yep yeah dude someday i'm 54 years old you when i'm fucking 64 i'm gonna be i wish i was 54 that's how it works yeah fucking
enjoy it enjoy it enjoy it all right um what do you got a plug bill what do you got where do you
want the people to go i gotta plug the top of my head is what i gotta do um what do you got to plug, Bill? Where do you want the people to go? I got to plug the top of my head is what I got to do.
What do I got?
I don't know what I got, Paul.
I got a whole bunch of work in front of me.
I got them doing Phoenix with you.
And I got, I don't know what I have, Paul.
I have no idea.
I literally go day to day.
I'm doing D.C. and Philly this weekend. I know that. Well, Bill's shows are probably sold. I'm sure the tickets
are sold. Go see Bill Burr anywhere you could see him, billburr.com. Check out paulverzi.com.
Guys, this Saturday, I am going to be at Soul Joel's Comedy Dome in Pottstown, Pennsylvania.
October 7th is sold out in London.
But don't you worry, because they added Paulie to October 8th.
You sold out an international show.
I sold out my first international show.
We added a second October 8th, so you could get those tickets.
I'll be at 21 Soho October 8th.
And then October 19th, I'll be at the DC Improv.
And October 20th, I'll be at the Philadelphia Punchline.
Going to see the Giants play the Packers in London, Bill.
I'm going to be there.
I'm going to be there with my family.
I'll come back with a British accent.
You think I give a fuck?
What would you do?
Hey, do yourself a favor.
Get the Indian food over there.
I will.
Indian food's next level.
Somebody said Indian food and fish and chips.
They got good fish and chips over there.
That's right.
That's right.
Throw down a couple beers.
Throw down a couple cold ones.
Maybe go into the local pub.
Couple of pints, Paul.
Couple of pints.
Couple of pints.
Maybe we'll go into the local pub, watch a soccer game.
Who knows?
Who knows?
Premier League is the shit.
Dude, I may become cool with the
King. What would you do if you saw a picture
of me and fucking King Charles like this?
Billy's not that bad.
Billy's not that bad. He's nice to me.
Who does that sound like? He's nice to me.
He's nice to me. He was always nice to me.
Alright, I gotta go too.
Alright, brother. Great talking to you.
Good luck with your picks.
Oh, hey.
I'll try to keep up with you, Paul.
So we beat the book again this year.
Thank God.
And good luck with your Chiefs tonight.
Oh, that's right.
Son of a bitch.
All right.
Cool.
All right.
Later, guys.
All right.
See you.