Anything Better? - Nothing Important

Episode Date: July 16, 2022

Is there Anything Better than Bill & Paul talking about the plight of man and prison life? MERCH: https://silkshopstores.com/anythingbe...

what's up everybody welcome back to another episode your favorite podcast it's the anything better podcast with your host paul verzi bill burr and producer the greek freak there andrew themless and we have another amazing episode for you which is number what andrew 65 what do you got who's 65 where i i was just trying to look them up man this is i'll tell you it's getting a little rough here oh oh the 60s are slim pickets well i mean i would think there'd be a hall of fame center or something 65 we got gary z Zimmerman. This is NFL players. Elvin Bethea. Apologies to

Elvin. Tom Mack. I'm not familiar with those names. Nate Jones, Trevor May, Phil Hughes, and Mike Holtz. Safe to say, if you get called up to the age...

Oh, he did something? Oh, Billy's cutting out. Oh, no. Don't say I'm cutting out. Oh, there you go. Can you hear me? Something happened. Yeah, you went in slow motion and it went away.

Okay. Yeah, the Yankees had that Phil Hughes guy that we refused to fucking... We put all our chips in, we refused to trade him, and then he ended up not working out we refused to trade him and uh then he ended up not working out going to the twins and he's out of the league so um nba aba players who wore 65 george rat rat kovitz why don't they have great names like that anymore what happened all those did they all have daughters and that name just disappeared he played for the syracuse nationals pa Paul now the Philadelphia

76ers yeah I I'm telling you man who gets into a league and goes yeah give me 65 hold 65 for me it's like Lyman offensive Lyman the unsung heroes of the offense Paul I know it's just why do you always get upset with me Paul when I try to tell you what's going on you know because Paul. I know. Why do you always get upset with me, Paul, when I try to tell you what's going on, you know? Because I know, I know the answer. It's just, it's not a nice, it's not a number that, you know. What don't you like about offensive linemen? No, I love offensive linemen, but hey, I've been a Giants fan. Why wouldn't you like the number 65? I'm a Giants fan, so I'm a little sore on the offensive line the last 10 years. Oh. I'm a Giants fan, so I'm a little sore on the offensive line the last 10 years.

Oh. Speaking of which, Paul, were you watching your New York Yankees? You know what? Here's the thing. Not only was I watching it, but I knew you were watching it. Without us talking, I felt it was like the force. I felt Bill watching it. I was watching it. And here was my problem.

Here was my problem. Okay. And, and it, it just bugs me. It, this is what bugged me. I'm watching it.

I know Bill's watching it. And when they started chanting Yankees suck, I'm like, okay, you know, we, we chant shit. The worst chant in,

in, in fucking sports. They don't suck. They have 27 championships. Why don't, that's what I was saying. Why don't, when you're,

when you're booing a good team, why not like, fuck the, that team, fuck the, I like, they all do it, Paul.

That's like when you guys were so used to, for some reason, you guys can't get out of the cadence of, because of 1918. No, but isn't that, you guys came back and said, Boston sucks.

Like you couldn't even pick a two syllablesyllable word, you dumb fuck. The syllables are so... No, I think it's a baseball thing. The ba-ba-ba-ba. It isn't. It isn't. You guys are chimps, and you fucking yelled that rhythm for fucking 70 years at us, and you can't get out of it.

You're like Chubby Checker. You sang the twist, and now you're trying to do twist again like we did last summer you know what i didn't like it would be boston sucks that's how it would be that that you dumb fucks i want fuck the reds i fuck the eagles like i don't like the whole you sucks they don't suck their professional team they don't fucking suck nobody sucks no they don't suck when you almost have 60 wins before the fucking all-star break. You might even have 60. We have.

We're 61-24. You know what's annoying me, though, is when they did the national game, which, thank God, we fucking showed up. They sat there going, like, talking about how we lost the first two games. They didn't even bring up the fact that our entire starting rotation is in Worcester right now. We started four rookies, Paul, at pitching against a team that's number one in offense and number one in not giving up runs. I mean, we're going up against a juggernaut. The fact that we only lost by one, got smoked in

the second game is fucking amazing. But these fucking assholes just start the game and they're just like, Boston down zero to two and a much needed. I'll tell you who's letting himself go, dude, is Alex Cora. He just keeps wearing a bigger fucking Red Sox smock. You can just see it. It's so weird. Like he's eating sunflower seeds during the game. I don't know what he's eating after that, Paul.

He's not going to age well, you could tell. But what bothered me was when Rizzo, we got caught at third. We got aggressive and we did a hit and run and he got caught at third. And I remember going, they're starting with a guy on second, a home run ties the game. If they get two base hits, we're going to lose this game. And they were like, oh, the Yankees are being aggressive. Two runs is not, two runs is nothing at Fenway Park. Aaron Boone should know that. So that bothered me. And when you guys got us at third, I knew that there was going to be a problem. And. Paul, you're acting like you're losing the series.

You're probably going to win tonight. We got some other fucking guy that was, you know, scratching his ass in Springfield two weeks ago. No, no, listen. I love, dude. I've been, I mean, dude. This is how much better you guys are this year. The first game you put 50 home runs on the bench. You put 50 home runs on the bench.

Basically, you had fucking Rizzo and Aaron Judge were sitting there. I'll tell you who I do like. I like that state trooper-looking guy who doesn't wear batting gloves. Crawford? Oh, Matt Carpenter. Matt Carpenter. There you go, with the savage mustache. They were saying he looks like Don Mattingly.

That guy's Ron Guidry all day. Yeah, he doesn't look like Mattingly. Mattingly wiry yeah he's that guy looks like that that guy looks like he did some other shit before he played baseball you could see him putting on black gloves and taking out somebody down in the fucking central america and now and now he's funny his identity now he's in place for for the fucking yankees this is what happens with the yankees and red socks the yankees always have a guy that looked like that or like a not like not the greatest like a like a like a brocious and you guys always have that fucking long hair guy that guy that came out looking like bon jovi from the fucking bull that kid you guys metallica guy yeah you guys always have a guy like that and we always have because you know why because we treat him like adults you can wear your hair the way you want to we don't have this stupid yankee thing

like you just joined the merchant marines it's the stupidest thing and soon you're allowed to have a beard shut the up no we're allowed to have beards and you're not allowed to have a beard that's why you dopes have a bunch of mustaches looking like the village people carpenter had uh no they made him shave it off who you're not allowed to have facial you're allowed to have a mustache you're in the marines or something you're playing baseball it's so stupid no they have you can have a new york yankees you're gonna come here looking like you work for the cops they're banging the same the red so socks are banging when they go out to

fucking chicago yeah fucking sitting there acting like you're a cut above dude i got into it i got into it with a buddy of mine another all my fucking friends are yankee fans i just he goes to with the greatest with the greatest 27 i go well i mean all right but it's like you won the lion's share of those before 1960. like what are we doing here I I really I I dude I really believe like this whole thing is I think it's more impressive what you've won since free agency except in the NBA where they just did those pylon teams are ridiculous but like they just did those pylon teams are fucking ridiculous but like nowadays the amount of fucking control that the players have and the fact that they're all friends and try to jump on the same team then it comes down i was talking about this in my podcast it comes down to the

weather your city and the level of pussy it's like two top tiered. You know, we're sitting up in Boston with fucking lobster and seafood and shit, you know? Maybe a six walks by when you get your bread. I mean, it's just, it's difficult. I don't like that the players have a fucking, like players have a laptop or the players have a tablet. You know, these guys have like tablets of algorithm or whatever it is, statistics. And it's like, that's kind of like shitty. It's like, just go play the game, man. You know, these guys have like tablets of algorithm or whatever is statistics. And it's like, that's kind of like shitty.

It's like, just go play the game, man. You know, how about now, Paul, when you go into the playoffs, if you go in as a wildcard team, I might be wrong on this, but you have to win at that point. You have to win 16 playoff games, right? You got to win four, seven, three, seven game series. They keep adding them. Yeah. Yeah. So that that's now that's like women in a stanley cup

so you're basically playing potentially 28 fucking playoffs games and back in the day you know if if you had the best record in the american league that was winning the pennant and you just went right to the world series you played one series earlier it was best they used to play best five out of nine how fucking nuts is that and then they switched it to four out of seven but like my thing is like the fact that human beings in the 90s and 2000s had to do steroids to break records held by guys that had like during the off season he lays gravel gravel pavement down yeah like when when you look at like the last guy to hit 400 was Ted Williams yeah okay nobody has done it since before him someone would do it every three years 20 years before that like someone would do it almost every year and before that like in the

late in the 1800s like two or three people would do it in a year. Yeah. So Ted Williams does it. And then a couple, two, three years later, or maybe even a year later, Jackie Robinson comes into the league and all the Pedro's CC, Sabathia's Josh Gibson's, all of them, Sandy Koufax. They probably didn't let Jewish people in the fucking league back then. They all come in and all of those great hitters you had since then, none of them have been able to do it. And you think about some of those hitters, dude. None of them have been able to do it. The closest I think it was was George Brett

at 390 was the closest anybody. It's just it's a different, there's 30 fucking teams. And I'll tell you right now, dude, any team today would beat the shit out of any team 100 fucking years ago in any sport well you know even even if they had the same physiques like there wasn't nutrition right

there it's just the uh the just the sheer knowledge and all the fucking information yeah it was a glorify it was like it was like a sandlot league you'd have a guy fucking you're playing a double header hey paul you're pitching today first game no the fucking, you're playing a double header. Hey, Paul, you're pitching today. First game? No, the whole day. You're throwing 18 innings and you just go out, throw it against crazy leg Johnson who works at fucking Home Depot every other weekend. Crazy leg. You know, it's funny you said that because Tony Gwynn, rest his soul,

Tony Gwynn goes, dude, when I played baseball, one guy threw 98. Now everybody coming out of the pen is 101 99 this guy's got a fucking 98 mile an hour slider like every and they have this dad's seven eight nine yeah there's this father's out there living some dream through their eight-year-old son they probably know more about today's mlb they have more statistics in their fucking head and at their grasp with the laptop than any scout a hundred years ago. It's fucking insane. And then they have all of these,

dude, they send them to like fucking camps, you know, learn, teach a kid how to throw a fucking curve ball. Like it's, it's insane. I saw a guy the other night.

I actually retweeted it. I never seen a ball move like this. Oh, I saw that. I saw what you posted. It came in and then went back out towards the hitter a left-handed here it broke right and then went left and then that's just it's like what the fuck i saw i saw that and uh we got a guy king we got a guy king

whose curveball literally just and lucas was just like so that's like a wiffle ball like it's nuts what they do now who's that guy I love that guy that you guys have that pitched the second game that literally looks like some dad that be be eating ice cream out of like one of those plastic helmets you get on helmet day oh is it Nestor Cortez you got a mustache or no oh my god I love that guy yeah he's like a fan favorite because he's like just hilarious he looks like us. Yeah. That's why back in the day I loved David Wells, C.C. Sebastian. I mean, I hate the Yankees, but individually when I see a player, I'm like, that guy just – like, C.C. Sebastian,

he just looked like a baseball player. And I love those guys when they come out. They got the big baggy uniform. They're like in a Bugs Bunny cartoon. Scott Brocious. Huh? Scott Brocious looked like he sold insurance oh yeah but he still had like a physique he wasn't like an out of shape I didn't mean like a guy has like

a fat face he looks like he goes to Dunkin Donuts in the morning gets like an iced coffee what are you doing today oh picture I gotta warm up right after this curler. Am I right? You know, I just, there's just something funny about that. But I got to tell you though, dude, what's the name of the guy who looks like the state trooper on your team? Matt Carpenter. I fucking love that guy. Dude, the guy goes up, he has no batting gloves on.

He's got a porno mustache from like the fucking seventies. And then you got another one of your guys. He's built like Paul Bunyan. And he's like, I think this is bullshit those big ass fucking guys that hit home runs and they come up with that fucking medieval sleeve and the thing on their shin and this stuff here and they're hanging all out over the plate yeah and you can't bean them or you get warned or all of that did you see the thing I retweeted about Hawk Harrelson no dude Hawk Harrelson said back in the day if somebody beamed him he goes yeah he never charged the mound he goes what are you gonna do it's gonna get broken up he goes if i

was really pissed at a guy i'd wait for him at the end of the game and he goes and i'd beat the shit out of him the other pitcher and the guys in the podcast like you did that he goes oh yeah that's another thing dude like the level of scrutiny that's involved now like if some guy waited for another dude another team and beat the shit out of him it's like during the ass kicking we would we would already know it was happening he just did it and then it probably went around the league yeah you gotta watch out for that harrelson guy that's telling you you're being him take a different take a different exit out of the fucking locker room dude that's some real gangster shit like that's real man shit right there it's like no we're not gonna have a little let it be broken up we're gonna we're gonna fuck i'm gonna

i'm gonna see you somewhere and i'm gonna beat the shit out of you in the parking lot dude and literally do it that's gangster man my favorite guy though what was that guy on the reds who just went over and he fought the other team just fought the whole fucking team he put his hand up like this as they were taking him out of the game this guy in youtube does this great thing yeah i'm gonna beat this she's like doing like saying like allegedly what he said obviously he did he's like yeah i'm gonna go beat the fuck out of those guys he's like all right you're out of the game he goes cool and he just ran over to the other team's bench and started fucking swinging and he was huge wow fucking huge

yeah now that guy there's a guy that i say he could play in any era of course they wouldn't let him back in the day i uh i like i like uh i like how long baseball takes you know i got friends and people talking shit oh it sucks you need. You need to speed it up. Kids don't like. I actually do like when I'm sitting down and watching a three hour. I love sports. Why do I want it to be over? Do you know what I mean? You know, I don't want it to be over.

People will say baseball is too slow. You know what they are, Paul? They're morons. They want everything like now. And I'm not saying that like necessarily stupid, but those are like iPad, iPhone fucking people. Scroll, scroll, scroll. Yeah, yeah. They like, those are also people that looked at that Chiefs-Bills game last year and were like,

that's the greatest playoff game I've ever seen. With the most atrocious defense I think I've ever seen in an NFL game. Forget about a playoff game. Oh my God. Can you imagine Ray Lewis watching that game? Dude, 13 seconds? He probably threw his fucking l-shaped couch off his balcony dude it was a fucking disgrace and they've had a lot of those games dude the patriots eagles super bowl i still to this day maintain that whoever wins that game i said in the middle of the game whoever plays on defense should not get a fucking ring,

except for the guy who caused the fumble to seal it for the Eagles. That was one of the weirdest Super Bowls I've ever seen in my life. I was just saying something's wrong here. Not wrong, but it was just like, it was fucking like a video game, man. It was weird. Yeah, it was like both teams were in the prevent defense the whole game. Guys just throwing bombs. One of us didn't punt until the second quarter. No, I was weird, man.

Like the punter's on his cell phone. No, mom, tell me I'm in the game. I'm going to get in. You know, they're going to get a stop here. I was just everyone you were playing and you haven't been on. And I was telling him you have a really good leg. He could kick. I'm telling you,'t been on. And I was telling him, you have a really good leg. He could kick. I'm telling you, he's good.

It'd be funny if he had like a badass mom. Your son plays for the team? Nah, he's just a fucking punter. What was I going to... Oh, dude, NFL's coming up, man. We got what, six weeks? Six weeks. I can't wait. Yeah, but dude, what we have right, man. We got, what, six weeks? Six weeks. I can't wait.

Yeah, but, dude, what we have right now is the dark days of baseball. You got San Francisco's playing the Padres right now. I'm so fucking into it, dude. And I cleaned up my act, dude. I'm fucking Billy No Substances now. I got to get ready for Fenway, so no sticks. What do you mean? You haven't been doing any substances, have you?

What are you talking about? What? you haven't been you haven't been doing any substances have you what are you talking about what you you haven't oh I go through an eight ball of fucking coke every night no I fucked up I went on vacation earlier this year and I smoked a little weed thinking I'd be all right and then I got through the movie and I didn't and then just I just the same thing happened my drinking when I was doing efforts for family and I had like a tour coming up and I was doing that show, just that workload. And then my wife was pregnant and everything. I started drinking too much. And the same thing happened with like weed.

I just, I'm like a habit guy. You go in, man. No, you know what it is, dude? I get it and it's in the fucking house. And that's the thing. And it's just like, you know, if I only had cigars, we're down at a fucking – I'm a member of a cigar club, dude. I joined in December.

I've been there twice. Okay, that's where I should keep my fucking cigars. I should have a locker and just stick them there. It's like I want to smoke one, but like me, I just have it like right there. So for me, like substances is not like i'm an alcoholic it's just like if there's like cookies in the house i'm gonna eat them so but we've had booze in the house for the last three and a half years when i haven't drank and i don't really even see it to be honest with you unless somebody i know that drinks comes over and has it but like so um and i'm really starting to think a lot of that fucking weed now that it's legal like i like dude like some of that shit i mean you take too much of it you're like

tripping like when i took too much when we were down in fucking georgia dude for like two hours i wanted to get out of that chair i couldn't figure out how to do it i mean that's not weed i don't know what that is no dude that's i can't fuck with that i've already established that i can't i can't handle that i can't handle any you know i i said before i don't want to ever question life you know like well the last thing you need is introspection you're actually you started where everybody tries to get with mushrooms and I'm just worried that whatever you blocked out so professionally that if you took mushrooms it would come back up again and I would see what I've never seen in my life that's exactly right I'm chill versa yeah

you I've never met a guy who who doesn't most people I know could use a nice little mushroom trip to kind of maybe figure some out you i mean you know you're like dude i i just like sitting around you know having a sandwich by myself and watching the breeze in the in in the leaves yeah dude i'm going to tell you it takes some people it takes them a lifetime and they never learn that i was somewhere recently i was in france and i felt that i was sitting out there oh dude you sent me a picture of where you were and i saw what you where you were sitting and i saw the cigar you were smoking and i saw where you were staying and the trees and that that outside and i was just

like dude that's fucking it man that's it we were we were in um a place called uh tours um or tour however you say it uh france which is like a couple hours uh southwest of paris just out in the countryside dude we went into town i felt like i was in like saving private ryan i mean you could have shot a world war ii movie there it was fucking amazing dude it was beautiful and you know they had like a supermarket and shit, but like basically the downtown area was incredible. My wife took this really cool video. I had my son on my shoulders and I was walking down the street and there was a guy playing like an accordion, like outside some Italian, you know, themed restaurant there.

It was just, dude, it was fucking, I love France, man. I also love going over to Europe, dude. It's just, dude, it was fucking, I love France, man. I also love, uh, going over to Europe, dude. It's just fucking. So I got, I got some going back to what we were just saying. You're going to, this is great. So I had a little, a little party here, 4th of July. It wasn't as big this year because the day that it landed on a lot of people were traveling, but we had some, some families, some neighbors, couple of comics, but you know, I fucking, we blew up the sky. We had a great time. Right. So I come home the other, I come home the other night and I come home the other night and I just see a pie. I see a fucking pie that like barely anybody touched. And I was like, Oh, I

could go for like a couple of bites of dessert. I love it, I love a good pie. So I get it. I open it and I look and there's like coconut flakes on top of whipped cream. And I don't really know what kind of pie it is. So then I cut it and there's like this pudding in the middle. And then the custard, no, it wasn't custard. It was like a, it was like a, I don't even know the consistency of it, but it was like a, a pudding and it had, um, the, the, the crust was really good. So I just take a bite of this. Right. And I'm not really a big cook, but I swear to God, this is a true story. And I bite it and I go, I go, I go, Oh no, just keep eating it. Cause it was the most delicious pie I've ever had. So I go, I literally out loud, I go, no. And I get, and I was like, should I throw it out?

So I'm biting it. I'm eating it. So I start texting people who, who brought the pie. So finally I'm on a group text with, uh, we're on a group text with Giannis and his wife, Brittany. Oh no. So I texted, I texted and I texted Brittany and I go, Brittany, did you bring a coconut pie to our house? And she just goes, she goes, I did. Oh, no. Why is it terrible? I go, Brittany, this thing fucked me up. It's the greatest taste. And she goes, Paul, stop.

So I was fucking with her. I go, I never had anything like I swear to God, I never had anything like it. I keep she made it. And I go, I never had. She's like, oh, my God, is my first time making it. I go, I never had anything like it. Right. So the next day we see them and I'm talking to her about it.

And Stacey's going, okay, you know, Stacey. Stacey's the reserved one. I'm the one that goes big, right? So Stacey goes, is there any of that pie left? Right? So I go, yeah. So we come home, Stacey takes out the pie and, you know, and Stacey bites it. She just goes, oh my God.

Oh my God. I thought you were exaggerating and go, because this is Paul. And she just gives me, I go, I fucking told you. She goes, this is fucking life changing. I go, this is the greatest pie I've ever had. So then she calls Brittany and Brittany's like, I love that she thought you were exaggerating

because you go so big about everything. Even your wife's going, he's doing that Verzi thing again. That's what she said. She goes, listen, I thought it was good, but she goes, I thought you were going too hard.

And she goes, oh my God. This pie is as good as Robinson Cano. And she called, she said to Brittany, she goes, Brittany, and Brittany goes,

I'm going to make you guys a fresh one. But dude, I promise you, Bill, it was something with the crust and the pudding. Hey, I'm going to be there next month. I'm going to be there next month. I'm going to be there next month.

Okay. I'm going to swing by. I'll have Brittany make the pie and we'll sit down and we'll do a coffee on the deck. All right, everybody. It is freeze pipe. It's time to grow up and stop smoking that shitty stuff. Okay. New year.

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Okay. Everybody's unique. Let's just say I'm going to need a new one in three months. All right. Hey, Helix, where are those pillows? Everybody's unique. Helix knows that. So they have several different mattress models to choose from.

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Hey, you know what? Medium firm, that describes my parenting style perfectly. All right. I have a gig you can jump on if you want. Where are you going to be? Arthur Ashe Stadium. I might be away. Oh, I'm away. Fuck!

Yeah, I'm away. Arthur Ashe, what, in Queens? Yeah. What's the date on that? I was hoping we could play a little fucking tennis beforehand, Paul. Bat the ball over the stage a couple of times. I might come out there in Wimbledon whites.

With a fucking headband, come out like McEnroe. Oh, man, if I still had my hair, dude, I could pull that off. Oh, my God, we should do that. Where I just, I do, I'm Agassi, and you wear the wig and be the other guy? Oh, my God, are you fucking kidding me? Dude, we'll reenact it. Who was his rival? Boris Becker or whatever?

No, Bjorn Borg. Yeah, Boris Becker was a tennis player too, though, right? Yeah, he was a redheaded German like me. Oh, dude, you should wear the headband with the wig and I'll be Agassi. And we just try to reenact it. Oh, dude, you got to have his shit when he had the thing beforehand. Have you ever read his book, dude? I heard you i heard about it oh my god he wanted to like quit right he didn't like it dude not only did he want to quit he never wanted to do it

his dad his dad just decided he was going to play tennis he didn't even want to do it dude he's one of like five guys who's won a major on all three surfaces and he didn't even want to do it, dude. He's one of like five guys who's won a major on all three surfaces, and he didn't even want to do it. He won on clay, he won on grass, and he won on the hard courts. It's just nobody does that, dude, who doesn't want like have like some sort of love. But I remember when he met Steffi Graf, I think he was kind of apprehensive to say how much he hated tennis. And he finally told her, and she said, doesn't everyone?

I just think they get into it so young, and it so consumes their life and their ranking and the pressure. Jennifer Capriati, remember her? She was, I think, think New Yorker Long Island girl Italian girl she was ranked in the world she was ranked really well and she just started doing drugs the pressure she just fucking got a little money she bought some furs I mean you know how it is yeah you wait dude you're special smashing right now oh dude Marcy's special's smashing right now. Oh, dude, man. Paul Barzi's special is smashing. Well, I want to thank everybody, by the way.

The reviews are... I did radio in San Diego, and the guy goes, dude, he goes, are you guys rigging those reviews? He goes, usually we don't watch reviews. He goes, everyone's loving this thing, so thank you all for watching it. Nocturnal admission. In other words, they usually look for the negative ones

so they can read that on the air. Yeah. But I'm really thrilled that people are loving it and uh dude i went to san diego to the american comedy company and i my stress it was a i went back old school bill can't people hit me up you want to go to lunch no staying in the room like i'm cramming for the you know for an exam in the dorm and i'm just making sure and i ended up doing an hour because Cause I was thinking of you fucking bill going like, yeah, you got to have a new, no excuses, like joking. And I'm like,

no, no, but he's, he's right. I gotta, I gotta make sure I got a new hour. You know, I didn't want to go. Cause people were hitting me up. Hey, you doing the same hour? Should we watch your special or come see you? And I'm like, you can watch the special and come see me. How about that? All right. Fair enough. And then like, you know, but it ended up being. No, dude, if you kill it on the special and then they come see you and you kill again with all different material, you got them. That's, that's fun. Yeah, they're just like, all right. If you come, if they come to see you and you do the same shit, they're like, all right, I confirm this is the guy who says that stuff you know yeah yeah yeah

oh yeah that joke does work yeah i thought they sweetened it on the special evidently they didn't uh all right bill so we're gonna go 100 bucks tonight oh no you said you got all rookies so if you got all rookies. So if you got all rookie pitchers, who's pitching? I'm going to go $100. I don't give a fuck. You know what I'm loving? The only prayer I think the Red Sox have against the Yankees this year is that we're going to get the wild.

Because if you put on your 15 games back, it's like, yeah, well, back in the day, that mattered. Now it's just like if we can just get healthy, if we can get sale back, if we can get a V if we can get if we can get sale back if we can get a baldy back if we can get walker back if we can get pavetta dude what's his face devers got hurt like our only all-star i think he's a beast oh yeah dude he is he is a beast yeah i just unbelievable unbelievable fucking player. How about the kid Jeter? The kid Jeter was named after Derek Jeter, and he beat us.

And I was like, of course there's a God. Somebody said, it's so great to cheer a Jeter without having to say the Jeter name without saying goddamn before it, some Red Sox fan. Yeah, but here's the thing, though. No true sports fan, Red Sox fan ever hated Jeter. name without saying goddamn before it some red sucks fan yeah but it's a thing though like no true like sports fan red sucks fan ever you know hated jeter i mean i mean that was you knew you knew the level of greatness you were watching listen it pains me to say this and i've said it many times mike francesa said it to the best baseball town unfortunately it hurts but that's

we have basketball because we're the best basketball town, which is a sin. We're not good, but you guys are probably the best baseball. You guys are probably the best baseball town. You got, what makes you the best basketball town? Just the talent that's come out of there. I think the talent that's come out of there. I think the tournaments that are held there, I think like Rucker park and West fourth cage. And I think like the,

the way, you know, I think that's true. That's true. Nobody else has that. I think street legends, like New York City has like these street legends, like Earl Madigot and all this stuff. You can look at like a documentary. The goat, right? The goat, yeah.

Like these guys would just show up and a lot of them, unfortunately, were like poverty, drug. And then they would just show up to the court and be like these legends. Madison Square Garden. I love that unfortunately poverty drugs yeah that white people fucking put them in that situation

i'm just saying i i don't know the cia hadn't pumped drugs into their fucking neighborhood and uh if the uh the powers that be it didn't try to prevent them from voting for 100 years uh you know but here's the other thing during during the NBA's, like when the NBA had Dr. J and all that, the Knicks did win championships. So then they didn't. No, no, no, no, no, no. The Knicks didn't win championships when Dr. J was in the NBA. Dr. J was a rookie when?

He was in the ABA. He played for the New York Nets. And then he played for the Virginia Squires. And then he went to the Sixers. But he went to the Sixers in the late 70s. Oh, okay. Okay. So, yeah.

So the Knicks won in 70, 73, and then never won. We had those runs in the 90s. But I've seen New York City when the Knicks are good. This is a basketball town. Because I've seen New York City when the Yankees win. And it's cool. And when the Giants win and it's cool, but it's not like, well, dude, when we went to the finals against the San Antonio Spurs in 99, dude, the streets and bars, it was different. It was just fucking different. You guys in baseball, you guys have the knowledge of the game on a different, I really like, it's just the way you guys, the way you guys treated Jeter and Mariano, like you would boo hard to the guys that you respected.

It's just a great baseball town. Fenway's a great park. I'm going to stop talking now before I get nauseous. Just kidding. Why? No, I'm still bummed out. You guys knocked down your old stadium. I still, there was just something about like just that fucking sound, man.

The sound of that Park was amazing but but you know progress Paul that's what happens they just knock them all fucking down um yeah so I'm in the bubble dude I gotta fucking uh hit the gym and I gotta uh you know hopefully the next cigar I smoke I mean this is a long way off, would be after my show at Fenway. However, I got Vegas coming up. I got Montreal. Montreal's got that stogie spot.

I know. No, you got the discipline to puff in one after. I could absolutely do that. You make the rules, dude. dude huh you make the rules you smoke when you know but i know how i am because then i'll have on a big yeah all right i'm just smoking that doesn't put on any weight just fucking kills you that's all um nah you'll be all right man can you keep it to one a month can you do that i got a lot of cigars in the house paul like i don't like Keep it to one a month. Can you do that? I got a lot of cigars in the house, Paul.

I have to have a benefit to give all of these things away. Dude, you know what? Paul, I love my wife, but I'll tell you one thing that fucking drives me nuts is just every fucking place here is just a place for clutter it just drives me up the fucking wall

like you go over to the copier machine this stuff set on top of the copier machine so in order to just lift it up there's this extra step of getting something out the amount of shit that is in front of doors paul yeah or hey we're gonna get containers to organize inside the fucking cabinets and then it's like what you want is in a container and then there's something sitting on top of the container so you got to take something off to lift the thing up to get the fucking thing and then there's something in front of the cabinet it's just like this is bananas it's bananas paul yeah well you know what it's it's whatever makes them happy in it isn't it i'm not trying to look paul this will see this is right here this is what happens you

see how paul went up two octaves second i get going yeah they don't give a fuck dude she she was yelling at me the other night listen she uh yeah oh paul I got a friend of mine who goes hard. She was yelling at me the other night. And then I was just like, what, what? And she caught herself though. I go, why? There's no reason to, you know. I think what it is, is when you got somebody like my wife and somebody like me, she likes, you know,

it's hard to have somebody be as calm as me when you're not calm. Does that make sense? No, it does does when you see somebody and also like if you're doing like some meathead shit and she's trying to explain it to you and you're still being chill that would be super annoying i can see that well wait why was it meathead it's not meathead shit though paul we're meatheads the two of us we've just talked for an hour about nothing important that should have been the name of this podcast nothing important there you go andrew there's the title but what what else you know what are you what are we going to save the world what are we doing where i love how people what are we going to say talk about no that's my thing

about uh you know i got so much shit shit for that fucking Netflix thing I hosted. Because all I was doing, I went up there and was like, all right, all of this shit that I'm doing kills. So I know I'm bringing a material, but it's all topical and it's not going to be like worth anything. So I did my COVID shit and I did my Rittenhouse material. And oh, my God, dude, you want to talk about babies what you got you they hit you up oh god it's like i usually get it from the hairy-legged white chick liberals now i got it from the conservative side oh yeah they call me a government shill they're the funniest ever and i always just want to say to all of those idiots

all of these people that you know because i used to be like heavy into conspiracy theory and like federal reserve and all that i mean i'm still you know government shield i still like you know mate i i still believe in all that that it's a fucking ponzi scheme and this fucking bullshit now where you blame ties for gas prices rather than it all comes down to the fact that we don't control our own money supply and there's no gold behind it and they just keep printing fucking money andrew will tell you that's what the fuck it is so but you know i fucking waved my arms around it about it for five years nothing all i did was just meet other people with their eyebrows up

waving their fucking arms nothing fucking happens and in the meantime your life is going by so it's just like like and listen man if you want to start a fucking revolution go ahead and start it but like i don't know what to do about it so i'm not gonna sit here flat my arms about the fucking ponzi scheme for my whole goddamn life and then what and then i just die and i was that guy yeah yeah i don't i don't want to that's like i don't i don't give a fuck anymore i don't give a fuck about the style of government i don't give a fuck that people are corrupt i don't give a fuck and all of these fucking lunatics that give a fuck when if when they got in power or what they wanted to have happen get in power the psychos from their group would would get the power and they would do it's like you look at it with all of it dude the me too

the uh uh time's up all of that dude like it's it's just classic whatever the mission is whatever it starts off who doesn't agree with that and then you just watch people harnessing starts off who doesn't agree with that and then you just watch people harnessing bless you Paul thank you watch people harness the power of a movement and it always in the end it's just become some corrupt horse for whoever's you know the the talking head for it for their own self-interest and that's why I like when people you know compare like capitalism to communism and all of that type of it's just like neither one of them's really that bad the problem is is that there's human beings executing it and we're all fucking flawed and there's greed and there's power and there's boats and there's sticks and there's all of this shit and it just goes off the fucking rails that's that's 100 true that's why i just

make sure my kids are okay. I stay in the country. Oh, by the way, check this out. Stacey sent me a property in Italy because we're thinking about buying a piece of property in Italy. Dude, like less than half a million dollars right by the ocean in Italy. Fucking beautiful. Mountainside, kind of away from everything.

Fly out there, walk around the beach, go inside, have a good glass of wine. Be at the whole fucking year and then come out. You fly out there walk around the beach go inside have a good glass of wine be it the whole fucking year and then come out you go out there yeah yeah go out there paul learn how to speak italian the only thing is i just got to figure out how to get on i just got to figure out how to not fly fly with people i got to figure out how to get on a jet that's i got to figure they they gotta come up with a more affordable way than buying one there's gotta be a way what do you mean you want to fly private yeah but not like not for the money like there's like that what's his name joe g was saying

you could do something where like you and like eight dudes that fly like can get one and it's like way less money so yeah and then you feel like you're fucking, you're taking that second plane to Des Moines. You're still on a plane with 20 fucking people, dude. I flew on one of those back from San Jose, dude. And there was this guy who had. It's already funny.

It's already funny. Soundingly worst toupee I've ever seen in my fucking life, dude. It was like jet black and it was the wet look he looked like he was shiny it was like he was like he walked in it was like i want to look like mario lopez in 1988 it was like jet black dude like a lion's mane and dude the hairline was so fucked up and i was just going to dean i'm like dude is this guy fucking serious right now the only thing was missing on that toupee was a handle to just

take the thing off it was and you know what's funny he was self-conscious you could tell he knew it he was getting on the plane and i'm just sitting there as with my shaved head just let his hairline go like buddy look at you you got a round head you got nice pigment or whatever if i can pull it off you can pull it up what are you doing was it long no he didn't do that no he had it but it was like he was dying his hair you see it's a slippery slope that trying to stay young yeah so at first it's like he probably started balding when he was young so he goes out and he gets himself a piece right and then his piece is black and then this shit starts turning white so he's got to get the shoe polish fucking going in here uh yeah dude all of a sudden you it's like you're elizabeth taylor every time you're

trying to get fucking ready oh rest in peace to paulie walnuts uh tony cerrico right and and james conn yeah rest astute man james conn dude unbelievable too both of them but james they both had great runs they both lived into their fucking 80s we should be so lucky man that's great that's a great run and they lived their fucking dreams i met that that uh that what's a great run and they lived their fucking dreams i met that that uh that what's the name of the actor who played paulie walnuts i think tony cerrico tony cerrico that's his name yeah i met him one time at gotham comedy club and that guy was the real deal like you could see like he lived a whole other life before he became like an actor and it was like you know those guys where it just seems like uh

they're like impulsive you know you're like yeah he had that thing where you're like i don't know what this guy's gonna do um yeah yeah i heard well he came from the streets and then got into got into acting i heard yeah that guy you could tell was just a tough motherfucker. That's what I remember seeing. I was like, you know what? Usually you joke around as a comic. It's like, you know what? I'm going to keep the wisecracks to myself with this guy. What was your favorite James

Khan movie? Well, aside from The Godfather? Yeah, I mean, The Godfather was just so... Godfather was i mean the godfather was just so godfather was so good but he was great in misery too yeah you know that that that maybe misery because he usually you used to play him playing you know the first time i i really saw him was sunny and with misery it was like he was just so fucking vulnerable when he was scared and he like nodded to her and you could tell he was like thinking of like how to get out of there it was

really good yeah and what i also liked about that performance is like you're just laying in a bed he's basically like a head so he can't like flail his arms around and do all of this shit so he had to do it all had to all had to happen here and he absolutely crushed it my god that was such a uh that was fucking dark man oh when she comes with the cockadoody something around i was like oh my god this chick is out of her fucking mind he was great when she went from then she went to nice afterwards okay tomorrow we'll have dinner yeah bye so it was just like and he was just like and as soon as she left he's like looking around to escape and shit unreal you know in the book she cut his feet off oof which i don't get like how did he how did

he not bleed out at that point like how did she cauterize that shit dude when she broke his feet with that hobbling thing with that fucking hammer dude that was that was that was right up there with when joe pesci got buried alive with his brother in casino where you just have to just wince and turn around nothing was worse than that that was the worst one for sure that was the worst one i mean i've seen some shit in horror that um is more grotesque but the the grotesqueness of it it becomes like almost like animated like it does it becomes like a cartoon or whatever but like that oh by the way dude i actually stumbled onto this interview um of frank abagnale or whatever remember that leonardo decapita i was actually thinking about that catch me if you can frank abagnale jr yeah frank abagnale dude he's on johnny carson and he basically all the shit that he's talking

about that he does they put in the movie except for one fucking thing he did dude he tells this fucking story he's staying at some fucking hotel in miami and he and he's like 18 but he goes i looked older so i told people I was 26 and he meets this smoking hot model who's like a fucking call girl she's an escort and he goes what does it cost for the night she goes what do you think I'm worth he said I don't know 300 she goes more than that so he basically settles on like a thousand bucks right so he goes to give her a check he goes I'm gonna take this check right now he goes I'm gonna'm going to go downstairs and cash it. She goes, the hotel's not going to cash this check at this time of night. He goes, first of all, I own 30% of this hotel.

Second of all, this is a cashier's check and blah, blah, blah, and all this. He just made all of this shit up. All right. And he made it out for 1400 bucks because he wanted to get an extra 400 for him after he played this escort. So she goes, I'll tell you what. She goes, just give me the check and I'll give you the $400 extra. He said, good deal. So he banged her and she also gave him $400 with an escort. I mean, nobody's ever done that ever.

Isn't that Jennifer Gardner? That's in the movie, Jennifer Gardner. That's in the movie? Yeah. He doesn't say that he owned the hotel, but it is in the movie. Jennifer Gardner comes through. I'm an idiot. I can't even remember movies that I saw. I mean, that movie was 20 years ago.

I just love Christopher Walken. Always says, where are you going, Frank? Where are you going? Dude, 16 years old, he started that shit. I was in the bathroom on a airline the other day on an airplane and i'm going he fucking ripped the i'm like looking at how he physically did it like he ripped the panel off and like crawled through the bathroom like that's like at 16 like who's got the fucking balls or to do that yo when your freedom's on the line dude they caught a guy one time making a hand glider out of like fucking jail, out of like dental floss and fucking bed sheets.

No. Not saying it was going to work, but this guy was sitting there every day smuggling. Over the course of a year, he was smuggling a hand glider in his ass back to his cell. I'll tell you, dude, freedom's a hell of a thing. All right. All right. Here's a question for you before we wrap this up. This is a good question. You get sent- Oh, God. Next Wednesday's the tires.

Maybe I'll get raped this week and it won't be as bad. At least it isn't a dick. You're in jail for 25 years, right? I'd kill myself on the first night. I would be that guy in fucking Shawshank. I don't belong in here, man. I don't belong in here. They're going, shut up, shut up. See, I'm like positive, so I would try to get a group of guys to escape.

That's like would be, even if it mentally, even if it was delusional, my mental state would be like, let's try to figure out a way. So that will keep me going to like, can we get it at the fuck out of here? And I would also- Paul, you're in there with psychos. Yeah, but you make friends. I would make, I would make some friends, dude. Oh yeah. There'd be a couple of dudes that fucking took a liking to me for sure. Yeah. I'm sure they would take a friends, dude. Oh, yeah? There'd be a couple dudes that fucking took a liking to me, for sure. Yeah, I'm sure they would take a liking to you. Hey, I don't mean in the shower.

Yeah, that Paul Verzik is a nice guy. I just fucked him in the ass in the shower. Funny guy. Funny guy. He's talking about escaping. Oh, that's what all the new guys say a couple more rapes he'll be fucking in here for life it looks like in the longest yard chris rock he goes in nine months he's gonna look like beyonce dude the only way i would survive prison is the second i get in there

i gotta i gotta join like one of those Aryan groups and start acting like I fucking hate everybody. That's the only way I'm going to survive. No, but let's say you did survive the first five years and you made it to a routine. I'm a stand-up comedian who hasn't had a fight since junior high. I mean, I'm not going to survive.

Guys went in less tough than you that survived. Yeah, but what did they have to do? I'm not doing that. So, that's it. Look at, what's his name? Andy Dufresne in Shawshank. The kid was just building a tunnel every day. That's what kept him going.

That vision to escape. I know. He also got fucking raped or whatever. He had his tunnel bored out before he fucking dug underneath the prison. Dude, that's a nightmare, dude. Getting sentenced. It is a nightmare. You know what fucking blows my mind about that is like how nobody cares that that just happens.

It's like that's not part of the sentence. Look, I get it. If you're a child molester. What if you didn't do it, though, too? What if that happens a lot more than people think? That happens. I think if you just decide, well well now I can't even do that because I've talked to other guys they're going like nah man

if it's going to happen because if you just decide like I'm taking the ass kicking dude somebody oh my god somebody told I've heard a couple stories from fucking it's just it's a whole dude it is just a whole other animal fucking level

guards will let them get raped too, I think, right? Like guards don't get him. I mean, I don't know how it goes down. I talked to a guy about it who used to work in there. A guard goes, wait for me. Fucking pulls his pants down. I'm sorry. I mean, all you can do is laugh it's fucking horrible

that's fucking brutal dude yeah no it's it's um pay your taxes paul but what happens if you do like some small shit like if you get to jail for like a let's just say you go to jail for like um i think you just get stabbed pa Paul. No, but there's less levels, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, there is. There is. Yeah, because you could like, you know, playing dominoes every day for a little while is not, you know,

you could hack three years, right? In a minimal security? Yeah, yeah. I'm talking about maximums. Like, dude, if you notice whatever they do behind the scenes of jails they don't do minimum security it's fucking boring they go they go right in there with all of those fucking gang members that'd be funny if they did a documentary on like the latest so guys just playing cards all day guys like every day made up piece of shit well yeah those guys should have to fucking

um anyway yeah he should have been doing hard labor yeah like those ceos just fucking get get get off easy and then you know no dude bury the money somewhere who was that guy who had like the eleven thousand dollar umbrella stand and then he would throw these lavish parties with like the money like the guilty would be throwing these parties with all of these all the money he was stealing the guy from i want to say taiko it was something like kid toy thing oh oh yeah yeah taiko, crazy dude. Whatever happened to him? Tycho was the... Do you remember him, Andrew? I remember crazy... There was a lot.

Do you remember that publicist chick? Yes. She backed over like a... They wouldn't let her in a club, but she had an SUV and backed over 16 people in the line, drove away. The cops showed up at her house,

and her lawyer was... Lizzie Grubman? Lizzie Gr her lawyer was lizzie and her lawyer was there going she'll turn herself in tomorrow and they said oh okay and it's just like i didn't know you could fucking do that like that was dude i wouldn't you and i would have got charged with 16 counts of attempted murder with a deadly weapon that would have been it yeah Um, if anybody wants to check out a documentary, I don't know if it's still on Netflix or whatever. It's called the unreal dream. This dude did 30 years in jail. He didn't do it. Him and his wife got into an argument the night before she rejected him for sex. And, uh, he just wrote a note going like, you really made me feel rejected last night, blah, blah, blah. Left it there. Goes to work at 530 in the morning. An intruder comes in at 630, seven o'clock in the morning,

beats her to death. Four year old son's in the house. Guy leaves. Guy gets convicted to 30 years and his son grows up. He has a grandson. His son says like, I think you did it. I can't see anymore. The guy just fucking all the inmates were going, dude, everyone says they didn't do it. He goes, we know this guy didn't do it. This guy didn't do it. And then years later, dude, they found through DNA, they found something in the backyard and they got the guy and then they got a confession and shit. The guy did 30 fucking years and now he helps the Innocence Project helping people. And I actually reached out to him. I go, dude, I just watched your documentary. I go, dude, it's unbelievable what you went through. I'm so glad. And he just goes, thanks, Paul. We had a really great team to get me out of there. It's fucking like, dude, like that's a nightmare.

And he just goes, he goes, I just surrendered everything. He goes, literally, he goes, when my kids said to me, I think you did it. And I don't want you seeing your grandkids anymore. And I can't do this anymore with you. He's like, I just cried in bed. I just surrendered it to God. I prayed. And then he goes in all of a sudden this, you know, these things happen. The guy did 30 fucking years,

man. Oh my God. Imagine his son. Oh dude. The end of the, the end of the doc is him with his son, him and his son and his grandson at the end. But yeah,

like, because her side of the family kept telling the son, like there's, you know, look, there's this note he wrote her this note. He was angry, you know, his grandson at the end but yeah like because her side of the family kept telling the son like there's you know look there's this note he wrote her this note he was angry you know but he was just a good dude who just was saying his you know that's fucking my bad dad got that one wrong what do they always say don't write anything down yes but yeah i know they could they'll use that shit against you in court all the time even if you're right i love you could they'll use that shit against you in court all the time even if you're right i love you sweetheart they'll be like he's trying to cover his tracks

no i swear to god we we had a wonderful morning i had an english muffin she had a little coffee i told her she was more beautiful than ever well if you told her that why did you feel the need you had to write it down? I don't know. Why did you buy her jewelry? She liked, she wanted it. Oh, he bought her diamond earrings before he killed her. If you look at his past, he didn't buy her anything for years. I got a raise this is fucking over dude i promised her i would get it when i made enough money yeah

only a piece of shit wife murderer would say that but dude i always say this bill i don't know how defendants on the stand that are innocent don't fucking lose it in the court i that's the one thing like dude like like if you're so to kenny told me uh innocent people get mad uh guilty people cry yeah that did you see. Yeah. Did you see Rittenhouse? Did you see Rittenhouse trying to cry? Oh, God. Who's going... Nothing coming

out of his eyes. What's her name, too? Amber Heard. See her? She would go like, and my dog... She's an actress, actress too she can't cry on cue jesus christ she goes my dog so i was like she was like mocking herself yeah guilty people guilty people can sleep like people that are innocent what level famous woman paul let's say you never met your wife well yeah you were seeing yeah what woman is famous enough i was good looking enough that you could look past her shitting on your bed no no no like i literally and while she was

squatting down shitting she was knowing she was going to blame the Yorkie. While she was doing that, she's like, I'll just say the dog did it. Like what a piece of garbage. I don't think she did that. I think she did that. And then when, when it went public,

she tried to say it was the dog. Maybe she was shit faced and then did it. And I was like, Oh, that wasn't me. It was the dog. It's like, dude,

the shit is bigger than the dog. He goes, that's what Johnny Depp. That's not a shitorah that's a dump you took us to dogs for he goes to dogs four pounds there's no way that came from the dog it was a it was a six pound shit what would what would dr phil say you you need to stop shitting on your movie star husband's bed. How do you think the Yorkie felt? No, he wouldn't. Put down.

He would still blame Johnny, Dr. Phil. Well, you should ask yourself why she shit on your bed. Maybe there's something you need to do. There's something you need to do. I want to see Dr. Phil versus Steve Harvey and going back and forth with giving advice. Who wins that? Who do you got in a pay-per-view? Oh, Steve Harvey would destroy Dr. Phil.

That's a pay-per-view I want to see. Steve Harvey would fucking mop the floor with Dr. Phil. I think he might win, but you think mop the floor? Dr. Phil's a feature. He's a feature. Steve Harvey's a headliner. That's one of the kings of comedy.

Come on. Oh, shit. That guy before he got in the fucking business was a therapist. Steve Harvey, before he became doing what he's doing now, was a stand-up comedian. He's still a stand-up comedian. I'm just, come on.

But Steve Harvey acts like a therapist right now, too. Oh, let's go back. This just is reminding me of the Yankees and the Red Sox now. So I was saying, my only hope now is that we get the wild card and then you guys win so many fucking games it's like this preordained thing that you're supposed to win it so you just play a little tight that's what happened with the mariners when they won 114 games they lost i thought they won 130 no because one no dude that was 120 no nobody's ever can you look that up how No. I think it's one. No, dude. Was it 120? No.

Nobody's ever won. Andrew, can you look that up, how many they won? Yeah. Dude, imagine that, 130 and 32. Jesus. What year? God, that must have been 20 years ago. Just look up most regular season wins by a baseball team. No, I want to say it was probably

like oh four oh three oh four yeah paul it's like 20 years ago that's fucking that's 19 18 19 years ago jesus like it's like it's gotta be like 20 years ago i think it was oh three or oh four i think it was like 19 years four months what uh no i think they were 114 right andrew uh looks like the mariners 2001 116 116 116 2001 2001 116 games got knocked out of the first round yankees yankees lost the world series that year to louis gonzalez Gonzalez blooper over the second baseman's head. That was a tough one. Chicago Cubs in 1906 won 116 and they

played less games. I think it was a higher winning percentage. Yankees are going to win 110, I think. 108, 110. Red Sox are going to win 87. We're going to get the wild card on a one-day playoff.

And one of those 87 will not be tonight, Bill. I got 100 saying that. I got 100 says the guy never heard of from the Worcester Red Sox is going to go out there with nothing to lose. Is Chris Sale back? I didn't know that Chris Sale pitched and destroyed a flat screen TV out in Worcester last week. He was fine.

His location wasn't good. But look, dude, if we get all four of our starters back, we're way better than our fucking record i mean that's basically it um we're basically we're doing well against bad teams i would say but in the al east paul we are oh and eight in series against the we have not won a series yet this year so even if we win tonight we'd be two and two so we'd be eight we oh eight and one what's the problem is it Cora no it's not no it's why all of a sudden does he not know how to win a world series I mean the guy did it with the trash can and without a trash can. I mean, the man has proven here.

So, but what's the problem? Well, at first, our starting pitching was the problem earlier in the year. And our starting pitching was not good. And then we weren't getting any run support on top of that. So we just started the year, dude. I mean, we lost like so many fucking games in the beginning. And you guys were just, I mean, by the end of April, we already laid fucking 11, 12 games out. And then our bats came alive and the pitching was all right.

And we sort of like righted the ship. Our bullpen's been decent. We don't really have a closer we got it we have a lot of problems but then um right as the hitting started happening all you know avaldi got hurt bavetta got hurt walker got hurt and you know and sale isn't pitching so um i don't know dude we're we're in a uh a weird place or my father-in-law was saying i hope there's like some veteran out there that we can just pick up as a close or something to help maybe the bullpen or something i don't know i don't know what the problem is paul but i've watched a lot of

it yeah well you know what like you said it's a long season. I got a little giddy early and I'm like, nah, it's too, you know what? God forbid Aaron judge goes out, someone goes out, then it's a whole new fucking thing. So that's baseball. How are you spending 200? Who are you spending 200 million on? 200 million out there. And it's just like, where are the, where are the big free agents? Well, yeah, I think it's no, we don't have many. I think it's just old contracts. I where are the big free agents well there yeah i think it's no we don't have many i think it's just old contracts i think stanton's getting a shitload

john carlos stanton's getting a shitload of money uh they're gonna give they're gonna give judge money but i think they you know we have some pictures on the books that got hurt severino we were giving him money uh chat but like your your whole fucking you know i was joking with uh my buddy you know that whole thing with the yankees don't have your whole you know I was joking with uh my buddy you know that whole thing with the Yankees don't have to you know we don't have our names in the back of our away jerseys because you know who who we are it's like I don't know any of you guys are like it's a bunch of like just regular people I'm not on them they're all talented but like it's not like you you went out and and and bought like you know big time stars back like when George was around,

you know? So I was just curious as to who, so it's, it's money left over from other contracts. Yeah. I think, yeah. Because look at our team now, look who's on the field now. I mean, they gave Rizzo some money, but like we don't have to, we got that guy Carpenter. We got that, you know, kind of Falefa guy. We got Joey Gallo. I mean, they gave a little money, I think, but but dude they're gonna give what's it called they're gonna give judge the because judges you know judge wants to

be a yankee but he wants that he wants that fucking thing that they all want at 30 years old he's 30 he's gonna be 30 yeah fuck so he wants what 10 years yeah he wants like that 10 years fucking 250 300 he wants to just which basically? Yeah, he wants like that 10 years, fucking 250, 300. He wants to just, which basically means he's going to have six good years, one decent one, and then three bad ones where people are talking about how bad the contract was. That's just how those things work. You know, he's going to, you know, but it's like, do you want to,

if he can get you one or two, is it worth it? That's what they're looking at, you know, but he's only been healthy only been healthy this year dude they were saying on the radio he's like an anomaly dude he's the only guy six seven two ninety that plays in the outfield like that his legs get beat up dude he's he's fucking gigantic he's literally like an nba size guy running around the outfield what about that fucking shortstop on pittsburgh oral Cruz? This guy's 6'7 and throws like fucking 92 miles an hour to first base. They showed him and Judge standing next to each other. They look like two NFL players. It's like those guys are gigantic, you know?

So I'm worried about Judge, man. They had to give him a rest the other day because his leg was fucked up. It's like, you know, he's never had a whole season good. So we'll see, you know. I wonder why that is. I just think, dude, that the way he runs for that size, dude, his body structure, dude. Yeah, but this NBA player is like five inches tall

and run up and down the court for fucking 15 years and don't have a problem. Yeah, but dude, imagine Gronkowski running in the outfield, diving for a fucking ball. As opposed to what? Running down the field and getting tackled and fucking breaking ribs? I saw that happen to SoFi Stadium this year. He runs down the field, dude, and people,

there's nobody tackling these guys. They're diving after a fucking ball. Yeah, no, I mean, I guess it's just his bone structure, why he gets hurt. It's always his legs, too. But, you know, look at that. What's it called? Anybody in the NBA over 6'11", all the injuries, Durant, Porzingis, it's all legs, man.

Those guys look like fucking – those guys are like giraffes. They're just fucking – I know, but there's a lot of big guys, though, that can play for a long time. Look at all the weight Shaq carried as a player. And for the most part, he was healthy. He had that toe thing. I remember that. I remember saying to somebody

going, that's the beginning of the end right there. It's always the littlest fucking thing. And then you start adjusting to that pain and then you fuck something else up and it just keeps going from there. Andrew, oh my god. Did you see that thing that I put on with that monkey with the hands on my story that was eating? Can we get that? Or

if it's not on my story anymore, we can't get it, right? I'll take a look now. If not, I'll just drop it in. What do you mean? But if it's not on my story, you can find it? Bill, you've never seen anything like this this the fact that this thing exists in our world lets me know like that oh dude fuck what is it people went oh actually if somebody responded to me i can see it right if somebody responded to me i can see it um i've been responding to you throughout this whole podcast and i don't see anything paul i don't see a growth in our relationship somebody just goes what the fuck oh here it is here it is andrew can i send it to you

how do i do that andrew either just uh share share send to and then and then you're yeah just hold it up to the camera i think we're good all right hold on we'll be right back with old people with cell phones how do i send a video hold on sound like me closer bill look at its hands do the hands work dude that's the most if that's not one of the most horrifying fucking things you've ever seen look at its feet dude dude that's what i'm gonna look like when i'm 90 dude i saw that and i was like dude that was like the fucking creature in stranger things his hands holy shit man there's some wild

dude that was like a monkey bat that was like a monkey bat man oh dude if i keep digging into the fucking rainforest keep going further this shit in there we don't even know what it is including like like viruses and all that type of shit that's the thing we know people talk about like conspiracy theory with this covid shit they've been predicting something like scientists have been saying something like this is going to happen for fucking ever dude i hate what they're saying now they're saying the fall buckle up because it's coming coming back big and what covid is yeah they said like it's coming back big what i thought it was fucking like winding down it's not as contagious

they're they're saying some september october shit it's gonna be bad i'm just like whatever but dude i was thinking about something if me and you were camping and i saw that bill's the type of guy that wouldn't believe me but you you like we're obviously we're friends i love you you love me i hope i hope but i would come back to the tent and be like dude i just saw i do love you paul and you do know that i would i would go like i would go i just saw a fucking thing that was a bat it looked like a monkey dude it's hands and bill would be like versi is probably a fucking no dude i swear to god you gotta believe me this thing had potato chip ears it was i would just be like well versi it was probably more afraid of you

than you were afraid of it all right so now there's two of us we'll be fine listen there wasn't a whole bunch of them was there uh yeah you'd actually be good to be in a foxhole with i'd feel confident with you in a fox i would be a murdering motherfucker all i had to do was kill that first guy and then that would be it but i would have to get past that once i got past that but my head's a pretty big target so i don't know how long i would last aim for his head can't get low enough Oh, man. Bill, we got to start really thinking about this NFL season coming up. What are your Patriots going to do?

I got to start thinking about what my Giants are going to do. We beat the book last year, everybody. So we're going to do some homework and see if we can come back and run it back. Beating the book against BetMGM, which would be incredible. Andrew, it's going to be a good one. It's going to be a good one. Who's going to win the Super Bowl? We'll do that on week one.

We'll do that on week one. I love that look. We'll do that on week one. And with that. All right, everybody. Well, we are back. You know, we had a little bit of a break um by the way congratulations to uh bill burr for uh special dropping on netflix bill burr live at red rock looks fucking incredible that vision the visual of that looks nuts um That's going to be a good one. That's going to be a good one.

So obviously check out one of the greats. Nocturnal Admissions is doing well. Keep checking that out. Check out Bill's Monday Morning Podcast, My Versi Effect. Go to the YouTube channel. Subscribe to the Anything Better channel. We're back, guys. I know you guys are reaching out.

There's a lot of shit going on. Fourth of July. We're back. Get the anything better podcast where you get all your podcasts, Spotify, iTunes, right. Reviews rate reviews. I know the next one's going to be, yeah, well, if they fucking could just, we're back like the show, the fuck, um, and, uh, yeah. So there you go. Go. Oh guys, I will be in, I love how I'm gonna talk like I know where it is. Near, near Chicago, Rosemont. I'm gonna be in Rosemont, Illinois.

I thought Neerum was the name of the town. Neerum, Illinois. Neerum, Chicago. Near Chicago. I'm doing Zany's in Rosemont. They have a downtown Chicago and then they have one in the suburbs. Yeah, they just have St. Charles and then they had

Mount Vernon or some shit. Yeah, I'm doing Rosemont Zany's July 22nd and 23rd and then I'll be in Michigan at the Full House Comedy Club 28th through 30th. One of those dates is the Park Theater. So get your tickets to that at paulverzi.com. You can get all those tickets.

Check out Bill's tour. Make sure you get tickets to all the bill shows if they're not sold out yet. And this has been episode 65. Andrew, am I missing anything? No, I used to love doing that Zany's run. You did the downtown one first.

Yeah. Then you'd go out. One of them was like this giant fucking resort type thing. Oh, my son just woke up. All right, dude, I got to run here. Look at that timing. Look at that timing. It's like it was planned.

All right, everybody. Oh, $100, Yankees, Red Sox tonight. Good luck to you, and I'll see you guys soon. We'll be back with 66 next week. All right, guys, I'll see you. Later. We'll be back with 66 next week. Alright guys, I'll see you. Later. Thanks guys. Thank you. you