anything goes with emma chamberlain - advice session #1

Episode Date: April 16, 2020

One of Emma’s favorite things to do is give advice, so she’s dedicating the full episode to it based off your questions. From how to deal with crappy friendships, to food and fitness, to getting ghosted (it’s happened to all of us) and how to not be cringy when talking to someone you like. Emma is dishing on everything, nothing is off limits.   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi guys. Welcome back. Welcome back to anything goes with me. I'm Emma, you know, the drill. I hope you guys are all doing well. Let me tell you what I've been up to. So the last few days I've been moving, okay. Moving from one place to another.

I left my old apartment. So for all of you guys who know what my old apartment looks like, you're never seeing it again in neither of my. I'm out, I'm out of that bitch, so I'm moving into my new place and just for some context, as to what I've been doing, I spent seven hours in my closet yesterday organizing it. It is done pretty much, but I spent seven hours in my closet yesterday organizing it. It is done pretty much, but I spent seven hours in my closet and the reason why moving is hard for me

is because organizing is something I'm very specific about and so I've been spending like in extra, like double the amount of time I normally would, making sure that everything's organized properly. Like I will rearrange things seven times before I'm satisfied. And that is why I make my own life living hell. But we're actually getting closer.

I think we might finish the move today. Like, we might be all packed, not packed. We might all, fuck. We might be all unpacked by the end of today. So praying for that. I still need to buy a different furniture, like, some things need to be replaced, and there's definitely a lot of work still to be done, but for now, all of my things being unpacked is job number one. So that's what I've been doing. But let's get right into our podcast episode today, which is a new segment I'm trying to start over here.

So basically, I've always wanted to have a segment in something, whether it's my YouTube channel or my podcast or whatever, where I give advice because I love giving advice. I beg people to let me give them advice. Like, I think I benefit I love giving advice. I beg people to let me give them advice. Like, I think I benefit more from giving advice than people do receiving it, probably. I'll literally meet a stranger and be like,

so what's going on in your life? Like, do you need any, do you, what do you, what do you, do you want to talk about things? Because I think it makes me feel good because I know how good talking about things feels. You know what I mean? And I know that a lot of people aren't given the opportunity to talk about what's bothering them or what they need advice on.

And so a lot of people are just left kind of bottling things, right? And not addressing what's bothering them. And I think that letting all those things go is just so important to living a good life and a happy life. And I think that hearing other people's perspectives is even more useful. And I know for me getting advice

from the people in my life that I care about has like completely shaped me as a human being. I wouldn't be who I was without it. You know what I mean? And so my hope here is that I can almost be like your big sister because I've never been a sibling. I'm an only child, I never had younger siblings. I wish I had, so I could give them advice.

But basically every few weeks, I'm gonna have you guys tell me what you need advice on. And then I'm going to give you guys advice on that topic. Because honestly, if one person needs advice on something, chances are another hundred people need advice on that, or even a few thousand, or even a few million. So like whoever ends up listening to this, hopefully some of these things apply to you,

or if you ended up asking me on Twitter a question or asked for some advice, then you might be getting some direct. This might be a direct conversation between me and you, and that would be really dope. So, hopefully I explained that properly. I'm only gonna do this every few weeks or months, probably. Just as like a little series extra added little moment.

Well, it's not added. It's gonna be a part of my regular regular. Dude, I can't talk today. Period. I just cannot talk today because I'm so tired from being in my closet for six hours yesterday that my brain is not functioning properly. And my voice is like shaky. This will be a part of my regularly scheduled programming. Okay. But it'll just be spontaneously whenever I feel like I want a more deep personal conversation with you guys. Oh, we could do a little advice column Advice column. I'm can't talk still. I just need to move on get into the episode

All right first thing somebody needed to advice on How do you deal with anxiety and how do you know when you're gonna have an anxiety attack or feel anxious? Anxiety is a tough one for me because I'm still truly trying to figure out how to stop it while it's a head type of thing. You know, I tend to get really anxious about my parents and their well-being.

That tends to be my biggest form of anxiety. Like I just worry about them a lot. I think it's because I don't live at home. I don't see them every day. So, you know, if I haven't talked to my parents in like a day and then I call them and they don't answer, that will spiral me into a panic attack or an anxiety attack or something of those sorts.

Because I'll be like, oh my God, what happened to them? And then the whole time I'm waiting for them to call me back, I'm freaking the fuck out. And I'm getting better about it because I've realized that every single time I've had a panic attack or had an anxiety attack about that specific thing, it's always ended up being okay. They've always ended up calling me back like an hour later

and everything was fine and all my anxiety, all of my anxiety was for nothing. And that's always how it's gone, right? And so I think that a big part of learning how to deal with your anxiety is kind of learning from your past with anxiety. And whenever you start to feel yourself getting anxious, remind yourself, hey, this has happened before.

This has happened before. Tell yourself, this has happened before. This has happened before. Tell yourself, this has happened before. And what happened last time? You know, what happened last time? Everything was okay. Everything was okay last time. Everything's gonna be okay this time. And you have to remind yourself how irrational it is.

Your fear is completely irrational, right? There's no reason for you to believe what you're believing or what you're having anxiety about. If you feel like your schedule is too overloaded and there's no way you can finish it all. Remind yourself, you've finished it all before, you've gotten it all done before, and worse comes to worse, let's say you don't finish all of the work you have to finish. That's okay.

What's the worst that could happen? You're not going to die if you don't finish your homework or you're not going to die if you need an extension on a work project that you need to finish. You're not going to die. You're going to be okay. You're going to live through it and you can explain everything that could be fixed or communication with anxiety. Majority of the things I get anxiety about are things that I could have an easy conversation about and it would all be fine. For example, let's say you're going through a tough time and you can't finish a school project. You can't finish it.

It's like you need to go to bed, like you're just, you're breaking down, it's over. You can't work on it anymore, but it's due tomorrow. You can't wake up early in the morning because it's already 4 a.m. This has happened to me. You email your teacher and you say, listen, I've done everything I can to finish this project and I can't do it. Is there any way we

can have an extension? I can have an extension on this project, blah, blah, blah. No matter what your teacher says, your anxiety is immediately going to half in its severity once you communicate with the person that it's directly related to. And that's because I think anxiety forms when there's like an element of mystery. And once you kind of squash that mystery a little bit, whether that's communicating with your teacher,'s, you know, communicating with your teacher, communicating with your boss, communicating with a friend, communicating with your parents, then all of your anxiety, mainly, I mean, a lot of it for me anyway will go away when it's about a specific thing, right?

Because then the mystery's gone, there's communication in place and you can kind of move forward and work accordingly to, you know, what you need to do to fix it. When it comes to like friends, like let's say you feel like, you know, you're fighting, let's say you're fighting with your friend and you're like worried about the status of your friendship with said person. Communicate with them. Be like, listen, because I've gotten really bad anxiety about friendships and stuff. Communication with friendships is so important. Call up your friend, text your friend even, and be like, yo, I'm feeling really uncomfortable

with how our friendship is right now. I just feel like we're not on a solid ground here, and I care about you a lot, and I don't know if I did something, or even I'm angry about you about something that you did. Let's work this out so we can move forward because it's causing me a lot of anxiety and upset and I don't like being in this place and I know that you probably don't either. So let's just work through this shit, you know?

And I know for me that's always solved my friendship related anxiety instantly. But then we have the people and me who just kind of deal with anxiety that we can't explain where it's just like, why am I fucking anxious right now? I'm doing nothing. I'm laying in bed and I just feel this tight feeling in my chest and it won't go away. The way I deal with that is a few things. I really like organizing when I'm anxious. I think actually moving right now has really showed me how therapeutic organizing is for

me. Was organizing my closet for seven and a half hours. Every time I say the number gets larger. Last time I said six and a half and now it's seven and a half. But just let me exaggerate. It's fun for me. Was organizing my closet for eight and a half hours? Was it kind of stressful?

Yes, it was. But it was stressful in like a kind of mundane way. Like very just chill. It was like, okay, yeah, it's stressful to organize my closet, but this isn't life threatening. Okay, so like I can deal with it. And it really took my mind off of everything going on in my life.

I literally did not think about anybody else. I didn't think about anything. I didn't go on my phone. All I did was organize my closet for seven and a half hours. And I'm not even kidding you. When I went to sleep last night, I was an anxious. I always am anxious before I go to bed. I went to sleep immediately. I didn't have any I got to bed. I went to sleep immediately.

I didn't have any thoughts in my head. I feel like it cleared my mind in a way that like nothing else does for me. So cleaning and organizing and even doing a big project, like redoing your whole closet or like doing a really big art piece. Just giving yourself a task where you won't be tempted to look up at your phone, do shit like that.

That's huge. That will really help. When you have an anxiety moment, or even a panic attack that's kind of unexplainable, I think that putting yourself to work really, really helps. And my dad always told me that. But just recently I think I've found truly how useful that is. She also mentioned that she wanted to know kind of how to know when you're going to have an anxiety attack or feel anxious or maybe even get a panic attack. I think it's a little bit different for everybody, but for me, I start to feel my chest getting really tight. And so when I breathe, I start to feel my chest getting really tight. And so when I breathe, like, phew.

Phew. My chest is actually a little tight right now. I am a little bit anxious right now to be honest, but not like bad, just a tiny bit. You know, if you take a deep breath in and out, and if your chest feels tight, that can mean that anxiety or panic attack or something is coming.

That's usually how I can tell for me Also, I've noticed I'll be moving really fast like I'll be like going on my phone and then turning it off and then going and doing something and then coming back and then turning my phone on and then going and getting water and then coming back Like I'm just doing a bunch of shit that I don't need to be doing. I've noticed I subconsciously start doing shit like that when I'm getting really anxious doing. I've noticed I subconsciously start doing shit like that when I'm getting really anxious. Also, I notice I start calling my parents a lot, like I'll like call my parents and I'll talk to them about something and then I'll hang up and then like 15 minutes later I'll call them again and I'll just start like doing weird shit like that and then I kind of know I'm like, girl, you're kind of going down a weird path right now, you maybe need to fucking light some candles and get in the damn bath or something, like

or organize your stupid closet, like just because you're, it's coming, you know. So that's usually how I can tell that it's coming, but I know some people have other types of reactions, but those are mine. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. There's no instruction manual when it comes to being an adult. Sometimes I lay away at night rehashing something I said earlier that day, or I lay in bed at night thinking about what the future holds. I know I'm not the only one going through a lot of what ifs. Like what if I get into a fender bender? Or what if my home gets broken into? But State Farm can help you with some of those big what-ifs.

They're available to answer your questions day or night. You can reach them 24-7, file a claim on the State Farm mobile app or simply call your agent to ask what's on your mind. Like you good neighbor, State Farm is there. Call or go to stateform.com for a quote today. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is more than a quote today. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is more than a website

builder. It's in all in one place to make an online space that's entirely your own. Their all-in-one platform allows you to customize everything from the fonts and color scheme to your domain name. All you have to do is choose from one of their beautifully designed templates as a starting off point. Then, at whatever you need to show off your ideas to get your side hustle on. You've got all the tools you need to sell products, schedule appointments, and send email campaigns to your mailing list. Plus, everything is optimized for mobile, so it looks just as good on a phone as it does on a desktop.

Check out Squarespace.com for more features and inspiration and when you're ready to build your site. Use the offer code Emma for 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Moving on, let's talk about something else. Somebody said, please talk about what you do if all of your friends are absolute shit, but you don't know what else to do because you have no one else.

I've dealt with this a million times, but I've actually always found it to be really useful long-term. I think times in your life when you don't have good friends teach you more than times when you do have good friends. Don't get me wrong. Having good friends is so important. And having a support system is so important. But there's certain times in your life where you don't have a choice. You know, your friend's suck and that's it. There's just sometimes in your life

when the people around you are just not doing it for you. And as shitty as it is, sometimes there's nothing you can do about it immediately. You know what I mean? And I think a big thing to do right now is instead of focusing on making new friends, this is a great time for you to distance yourself from people and kind of have a moment of isolation, right?

Take some weekends to yourself. You know, eat lunch with your friends at school, but then when you go home, don't hang out with them after school. Maybe do group projects at school with somebody else. Just distance yourself from your friends for now and spend a lot of time with yourself and figuring out what you're passionate about. Force yourself to be bored right now. If all of your friends suck and you don't want to hang out with them, don't hang out with them. Say you're busy and stay home, even if you have nothing else to do and make

yourself bored. Because whenever you force yourself to be bored, you end up finding a new passion or finding something new that you like to do that you wouldn't have found otherwise, that's going to make you a better friend. Once you're ready to have friends again, whether it's those friends or it's new friends, take this time to read, to really put some love and time and energy into your personality and who you are and take this time to connect with who you want yourself

to be for one and who you want to be surrounded around as well. So figure out what you do want to waste your time with or what you don't want to waste your time with. Not that having good friends to waste your time with it, what you don't want to waste your time with. Not that having good friends is wasting your time, but I mean, right now I have really great friends that I love. I have a solid four of them, I would say maybe five.

And obviously sometimes I'll hang out with them and not organize my closet, for example. Sometimes I'll hang out with my friends instead of like, you know, doing things that I should be doing, like fucking emails or something, sometimes I'll be like, you know what, I need a break, I'm gonna go hang out with my friends. Some people would consider that a waste of time. For me, I think it makes me a better person,

because if I'm at least in my place in my life right now, because my friends are good people. And so they uplift me and they like give me new perspectives in life whereas like when you've shitty friends it doesn't uplift you at all. It's just actually a waste of time. If that makes sense, whereas hanging out with people that you care about and that like are good people,

that's never a waste of time. Although in some people's definition it might be, but not in mine. So anyway, I don't know where that, why I went into that little tangent because I didn't really make any sense. But yeah, moral of the damn story is, take some time to yourself,

figure out who you are, figure out what kind of people you wanna be surrounded by. And then go back into the world a little bit and just start talking to new people. Maybe get like, if you're old enough, I know a lot of people get jobs that like allow to meet new people. Like I applied for a job at a press juice place

a few years ago because I was fucking lonely and I wanted to make new friends. And so I applied for the job at the press juice place so that I could become friends with other employees there. And that could give me another place to find people that I connect with. Even going to the gym or doing workout classes, I've made a lot of cool friends through that.

So if the people at school or wherever your main place of social interaction is, doesn't have cool people try to find new places where you can meet people, you know um And just go from there, but I think direct instant thing that you should be doing first thing you should be doing is forcing yourself to be bored if that makes sense Moving on How do you handle being ghosted, especially if the other person made it clear that they liked you for a long time? Like bitch, what

the fuck? Oh, yo, fuck this shit. That sucks. I dude, okay, let's get into it. This is the fucking worst because in I've learned now to not get my hopes up when I'm talking to somebody because I just never know. You know what I mean? You just never know. You never know when you make it ghosted, right? Or if somebody might do a little 180 on you and be like, actually, I don't like you anymore. I did, but now I don't.

That's almost worse than being broken up with sometimes. When you're like so excited to start this new thing, maybe with somebody, and then you're almost there, and then they're like, never mind. I don't actually fuck with you like that. And then you're like, oh shit, that sucks. It's almost like a breakup in a weird way. I don't know if I'm like being too crazy here,

but if you really like somebody, and they really like you and they let you know that they like you and then they end up just kind of turning around on you like that, it's almost like a breakup and it fucking sucks. But here is what I've learned. I've learned that once the damage is done and once you already like this person,

you're fucked kind of. It's gonna be painful regardless. All you can do is just remember that this wasn't meant to be. And some other person's going to come along that's a lot better and that actually deserves you because anybody you fucking is throwing your feelings around like that. It's just not worthy of you in any way. Like you should be talking to somebody who respects your feelings and respects the fact

that you have feelings for them and is sensitive to that. And if they end up not wanting to reciprocate those feelings, they handle that in a way where everybody's happy. They're not just ghosting you and being an asshole, right? Maybe they're like, hey, I'm sorry. I know that, you know, we have been talking for a while, but like I just am not in a place for a relationship and like, I don't really want to take this any further because I don't want to lead you on. And I

really care about you and I think you're really great. Let's still be homies. Period. That's great because you know what? If so many changes their mind, it's still hard for them too, right? And communicating that is brave. So like, as long as they're polite, great because you know what if so many changes their mind it's still hard for them too right and communicating that is brave so like as long as they're polite and kind and they still want to be friends and they're like cool about it then that's great but it's when somebody ghosts your ass where we need to I'm about to throw hands for you number one ghosts them back okay if they ghost you don't fucking go back to them. Don't be like, if they start ghosting you,

don't be like, hey, how have you been? And how have you been? No, fuck that, fuck that. If they're ghosting you and you are fully aware of it, and it's not like, oh, they're busy at their fucking mom's ranch in Idaho, and they have no connection. Like if they're just actually ghosting you,

absolutely give them no more time of day. And if they ever come back, don't respond. I might be a little bit harsh here, but if they'll do it once, they'll do it again, and you can't fucking trust someone like that. If they're just wishy-washy, they're in and they're out, you know, they're hot and they're cold, as fucking Katy Perry would say.

Don't mess with that, because it's a red flag and you should know from then on that they're bad news. Okay, but now let's talk about some things you can do before you like somebody if you just start talking to somebody. Right, if you just start talking, like you just start talking to somebody and you don't know if you like them yet, but you're scared of like kind of catching feelings because you're like, fuck, I don't know

if they're gonna end up just ghosting me or if we're gonna end up having something How do you prevent? Getting upset when you get ghosted because there's always a potential right? Here's what I do number one I Let the other person do most of the talking when it comes to like like Not like most of the talking, but I'm careful about the amount of effort I've put in, right?

When it comes to like conversations, not because I don't wanna have a conversation, but because I'm scared of getting attached, because I'm somebody who's very, like I get very attached to people from conversation, more than anything else. Like, let's say I'm talking to a dude, I can think that he's cute, but if we have a really good conversation, that's when I get a little bit messed up, right?

Because that's when I actually like kind of catch feelings for a person in a sense. So I'll try to be careful about, you know, I'm not going gonna like go to this dude that I just started talking to and be like, hey, like, listen to this shit that happened to me today, like I'm so upset, like, you know, my mom, and I have been trying to organize, like our movers, like, lost all of our clothes, I'm coming up with a random scenario. I'm not gonna go to this new person

that I just started talking to you and start venting to them and start making them one of my first people that I go to when I have a problem. Like you know the first people you go to when you have a problem. Like you're like immediately, oh my God, I need a text, my friend, right?

Like, or oh my God, I need a text into the group chat. Like I have a group chat with my friend Olivia and Amanda and every time something crazy happens, I go to that group chat and I send it to them. I send my problem to them. Don't make this new person that you're talking to that person, because I've noticed that that makes it hurt so much worse when they ghost you, right?

Make sure you have a solid foundation with that person before you start really bringing them into your life into that way where they know about your day-to-day life and they know intimate details about your life and shit, because it hurts a lot worse when you get ghosted, when you feel like you've opened up to them in this way. I'm not saying opening up to new people is a bad thing. I think it's great, but if you see potential,

if you're like, I might like this person down the line, save it, save it for when you guys are dating even, and you can actually tell them about this stuff in a safe place where you aren't opening up with the risk of getting hurt. I don't know if that's good advice, but it's worked for me because I feel like it kind of keeps me one foot in, one foot out

so that if this person decides that they're not into me anymore or they like whatever, I'm not gonna get fucked over. I'm gonna wait until I have a solid situation under my feet before I open up to said person to the extent that I want to. But also long story short, if some dude goes to you, fuck him or girl, if anybody goes to you, fuck him, period. This episode is brought to you by Vital Farms.

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And if you're curious, you can see exactly where your eggs are from. Just find the name of the farm on the side of the carton and look it up on the Vital Farms website to get a 360 degree peak at the pasture. To learn more about Vital Farms and where to buy them, go to vitalfarms.com slash BS free Vital Farms keeping it bullshit free. Rock on Vital Farms. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. You know when you get so caught up in what everyone else needs that you totally forget to take care of yourself? I mean, it happens to me all the time. And there's nothing wrong with taking care of other people, but it only becomes an issue when

you neglect yourself in the process. Spending all of our time giving can make us feel burnt out and resentful, which is why it's so important to have a space where you can talk through problems, reframe thoughts and prioritize your well-being like therapy. Therapy can give you the tools to create more balance in your life so you can keep supporting others without abandoning yourself. Therapy can help you when you're struggling with a specific problem. Therapists can help you develop tools

that make getting through challenges easier, but also therapists are there to just generally help your well-being and help you develop tools that help you get through day-to-day life in general. It's not just for people who are going through a major trauma. It's something that can be useful for anyone. If you're thinking about starting therapy, give better help but try.

It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists any time for no additional charge. To get started, visit betterhelp.com slash anything today, to get 10% off your first month, that's betterhLP.com slash anything. The next question is so good because I literally used to do this all the time and it's just so something I've dealt with, so I'm so excited. Next one, I would like advice

on how to deal with wanting to please others all the time. Basically, how to not be a fucking people pleaser. Hi, I am the CEO of the fucking company. Okay. I have been a slave to wanting to please others. For as long as I can remember, I mean seriously, I've always been a people pleaser. I don't know why I came out of the womb like this, but I did. It's funny, because I'm like a stubborn people pleaser. Like I'm a people pleaser, but then at the same time I'm like kind of stubborn. So I don't know how those two personality traits mix, and I'm also opinionated, I'm a people pleaser, but then at the same time, I'm like, kind of stubborn. So I don't know how those two personality traits mix, and I'm also opinionated, I'm very opinionated,

but like privately. I think that that's what it is. I'm kind of stubborn and opinionated privately, like with my family and within myself, but when it comes to like my outward personality, I'm very much a people pleaser, and I'm not opinionated at all, and I'm not stubborn at all. Like, okay, for example, let me give you an example. I'm very much a people pleaser and I'm not opinionated at all and I'm not stubborn at all like

Okay, for example, let me give you an example. I'm a vegetarian. Let's say somebody wants to go get Fucking they want to go to a steakhouse where there's no vegetarian options And they're like I really want to eat here. Where do you want to eat? I would be like that's fine Even though I know that I can't eat there like there's nothing I can eat there I could maybe get a side of fucking Brussels sprouts and like a side of potatoes and then starve. I will still be like, no, that's cool because I don't like to cause conflict. I like the path of least resistance.

I just like everybody to be happy and I just like to have fun. And I just like everything to be easy, right? I hate conflict because it gets in the way of the laughs. It gets in the way of the actual fun times of being with other people. So I just try to keep everybody around me happy because then in turn that makes me happy

because when people get into a shitty mood or whatever, that dampers my mood. Because I'm very sensitive to other people's energy and shit. Like if somebody's in a bad mood, I'm in a bad mood. It's just how it goes. I'm really bad at being resilient to that. I like absorb other people's energy and shit. Like if somebody's in a bad mood, I'm in a bad mood. It's just how it goes. I'm really bad at being resilient to that. I like absorb other people's energy

and I'm very empathetic. I wanna like fix their problem, even if I don't even have the mental resources to do so. Like that's will be my number one priority is making them feel better before we can continue hanging out or whatever. And so I've noticed that being a people pleaser keeps the morale around me better.

But the thing is that it sometimes can harm me. It's like, it's not fair to myself to not speak up. You know what I'm saying? When I don't want to do something or I don't like something. And it's taken me so fucking long to like finally come out of my shell with that. I think part of being a people pleaser is partially being a little bit insecure

about your relationship with the people around you. I think that if you feel like your relationship with somebody is on thin ice or you feel like they could ditch you at any day, then you're more likely to be a people pleaser. I found that. If you feel like somebody doesn't truly care about you unconditionally,

you're probably just gonna wanna please them as much as possible because then they wanna have a reason to ditch you, right? I think that those two things have a huge connection. I'm not a people please or anymore because I've found a solid group of friends that I know wouldn't just fucking get up and leave me because I didn't want to go rock climbing with them. You know what I mean? Like I found a group of friends that I trust to be loyal to me and vice versa, they trust me to be loyal to them.

And like none of us will just walk up, get up and leave our friendship just because we maybe have a conflict of interest. And that's kind of helped me stop being a people pleaser. I also had a few friends in my life that used to be like, can you fucking not just say yes to everything? Can you fucking not just say yes to everything? Can you just not fucking say yes to everything? And I was always like, I don't know how else to live.

Like that's the only way I know how to live. But those comments stuck with me, you know, throughout my life. And then just recently I've kind of been able to realize like, I don't need to be pleasing everyone else. If I don't wanna do something, I'm not gonna do it. If I don't wanna eat at the steakhouse with my friends because there's nothing for me to eat,

I'm gonna be like, let's eat here, I don't wanna eat there because I can't eat anything. Or I'll be like, you know, it's cool, you guys can eat there, but I can't eat there. So, I'm not going. Like, I'll just be like straight up and not waste my time with shit. And you know what?

I feel like it's not only made my friendship stronger, but it's also like made me happier. So it's really a win-win. My advice for you, if you're a people-pleaser, is just, it's a little bit uncomfortable at first, but every time that you see yourself kind of putting yourself out in a sense, right? Like doing something that inconveniences you

that you don't wanna do, just to please somebody else, find a kind way in your mind, privately, find a way in the moment to kind of let this person know that you don't wanna do it or you aren't interested or you don't like the idea or whatever, in a way that's super polite but also proposes another idea. Because then you don't feel as bad about just shutting an idea down and being negative

and bumming the other person out. You're just kind of adding onto the idea. So if somebody's like, hey, I thought it would be really cool if we went to this coffee shop after school, but deep down you're like, ugh, I really hate that coffee shop. I don't wanna go there. You'd be like, okay, dude, I'm so down to get coffee, but we should try this other place.

Boom, now you got what you wanted in a sense, or even then maybe they aren't down for it, then you go back and forth, whatever. But like, you know, at least you stood up for yourself and you got to like put your two cents in. Or let's say you're working on a project with somebody and they're like, hey, I really wanna make the background blue. And you're like, ugh, I don't think blue would look good for this color background on this presentation.

Be like, I really like blue, but I really think that having a yellow background would really make the colors pop in this PowerPoint. The other person is probably going to be like, okay, that's fine, cool, we'll do yellow. They're probably not gonna fucking care, but it's hard to stand up for yourself like that. And that works for so many other things, so many more things in your life. You know what I mean?

Not just those small, kind of inconsequential events, like those kind of strategies work for anything. It's just like muscle memory. You just have to keep trying to not say yes to everything and then it becomes a habit. It's almost like biting your nails. You just have to get yourself out of it. Next, somebody wants me to talk about

how I've bettered my relationship with my body and food. This is again, an ongoing journey that I'm not totally sure I'm ever gonna fully figure out and that's okay because I will just continue to work on it. But I feel like I've actually gotten a lot better recently, like within the past few months. And so I'd like to share those things. So I can't speak for other people. I can't speak for what's worked for other people, and I'm just going to speak for what's worked for me. I can't promise that this is going to work for you. But I think that the main issue I've had with my body is when I feel like I'm neglecting it. When I feel like I'm neglecting it, that's what makes me feel the most self-conscious, the most insecure, the most kind of like not satisfied with how I look is when I feel like I'm not

taking care of it. I think the worst thing that you can do when you're feeling unhappy with how you look is just sit there and be upset about it, right? Because that doesn't get you anywhere. And I know a lot of people will say, you know, just stare in the meal mirror and tell yourself you're beautiful 10 times. It just that doesn't fucking work. I'm sorry.

It just doesn't fucking work. And I'm not, I mean, I wish it did. I wish it did, but that has never worked for me. And I hope maybe it will work for one of you, so maybe try that out. And maybe there's a meditation you can do. I just have never fucking, that's never worked for me. And I kinda think that that's all just shit

for people to say that's like a quick bandaid fix. Just tell yourself you're beautiful in the mirror and then soon it'll be true. I've just never seen that work for me. What I have always done is when I start to feel really bad about myself, I will put extra effort. I'll take the energy, right? I'll take the energy that I was putting towards the hatred of my body and how it looked. And I'll put it into making myself as healthy as I possibly can.

Okay. Now there is a fine line here. There's a fine line here. Because there's a fine line between making sure that you're being healthy and overcorrecting, right? So I'll explain that. And I'm not a fucking nutritionist. I'm not a health specialist.

But just based off all of the research I've done in my experience, there's a very fine line here, right? You don't want to make your entire focus in life working out, eating healthy, taking vitamins, doing research on health. You don't want to make that your number one priority. It can't run your life. You can't let it run your life, right? It has to be something that's very secondary to your life because it's very easy to become obsessed with it, but you have to do everything in your power not to become obsessed with

it. The thing that I've done that has helped me is to the best of my ability do my research on how to have a healthy body, so that it's not about how I look in the mirror either. It's about like living a healthy life so that I can live a long life, right? Not only for my fucking children, for my grandchildren, for my parents that will be, you know, alive when I'm alive,

I, you know, it's not just about how you look in the mirror. I think taking care of your body and making it the best running machine you can possibly make it for all of the reasons that it's a good thing, right? That's a great distraction, as long as you don't become obsessive with it. And try to be true with yourself. If you're like, okay, I'm actually kind of doing too much, you know, I'm starting to get a little bit too obsessed and I feel like it's unhealthy.

Be true with yourself about that and don't do that. I'll give you some examples. I would not recommend, like, don't go and start fucking following these weird online diets. Don't start working out twice a day because you wanna look a certain way. Like, don't do that shit. Because that never works. You end up getting burnt out and it makes everything worse.

It's all about balance. Make your workout routine for yourself. I'm gonna do yoga three times a week and I'm gonna go on a walk twice a week. Or I'm gonna go on a run twice a week and on those days, maybe I'll do a little ab workout and then I'm good. Don't make a fucking schedule that's unrealistic.

Make something that you know that you can accomplish and just do it, right? And then that in itself, creating a little routine for yourself that's healthy, not too crazy, not something you can't accomplish, something that you know that you can accomplish, that you know is a great start, start with that, or if you already have a workout routine, maybe change it up a little bit, you know what I mean? And when it comes to food, obviously have whatever you want, but also if you're feeling

like you're not eating well, do some research on how to eat more balanced and have fun with cooking healthy meals, you know what I mean? And still enjoy whatever the fuck you want, whatever you want, but that's a great first step is learning how to cook healthy meals that you enjoy and then start integrating those more to replace the meals that you eat that maybe aren't as good for your body, right? Not only will this help your self-esteem

and the way that you perceive yourself in the mirror, but it will also help your health, right? Like your actual internal body health. And so there's just nothing, there's no downside to putting a little bit of extra time and energy into taking care of your health. And it should be a lifestyle, as they always say, as they always fucking say,

you know, don't make it like a diet, don't make it a thing that's something that you do for a little bit. Make it a lifestyle so that, you know, it's something that you can stick to and it's something that enhances your life, not controls it. It's something that makes your day-to-day life better, right? You know, cooking and doing a little bit of exercise can become therapeutic for you. And then in turn, it's also, you know, making you feel better about yourself because you

know that you're doing everything in your power to keep yourself as healthy as possible. So that is what I have done. Hopefully that helps. Sorry, my dogs are visiting my house right now. And they're walking around outside so you may be able to hear them. But anyway, let's move on to another question. Advice on feeling unproductive during this time. You know, I've just kind of decided to surrender to it.

It was actually really upsetting me in the beginning. I was like, God damn it, I am such a lazy fuck. I spent at least a week in total out of this whole quarantine playing Fortnite the entire day. Not getting up from the bed. Getting up from the bed to make coffee, maybe twice, getting up to take from the bed to make coffee Maybe twice getting up to take a shit Maybe once and then taking getting up to take a piss maybe twice Okay, that was like I probably spent a total of seven days doing that and I felt shitty about myself

But I just started to realize it's okay It's literally okay like it's not a big deal This is a time for us to all reset. And the second that you sit down, you're like, hey, if I need to take some days to do absolutely nothing, that's okay. If you're doing nothing every day, I can see how that can get a little bit shitty.

So you just start to make a schedule for yourself. Be like, okay, today I'm going to go for a walk, do a little workout, then I'm gonna cook dinner for my family, or maybe just myself, and I'm going to do a little bit of art, and maybe I'll do some fucking yoga, and then I'm gonna organize my closet, and you give yourself tasks for the day, And then once you're done with those, you feel better about like laying in bed and playing video games or watching Tiger King or doing whatever you wanna do,

because you know you accomplish something that day. So I think getting a few things under your belt, like accomplishing a few things in the beginning of the day is super important so that at night, you can just relax and enjoy the fact that we can't really do anything because although it's really shitty, who says you can't make the most of it? Who says you have to mope around and be upset that what's happening is happening?

Yes, you can, your heart can hurt about it, and you can do your best to help everybody as best as you can. But you know, it's not selfish to make sure that you're taking care of your mental health and making sure that you're making the most out of it. Like that's not selfish. That's actually the best thing you can do for the world because if we're all taking care of ourselves and we're in good spirits, it's better for everybody else that we might necessarily, we're not really around people. It's better for the people that we're gonna talk to

over the phone or the whatever, you know what I mean? The better mood that we're all in, the better. If that makes sense. Okay, moving on. Oh my God, this next one's funny. How does speed to guys without being cringy, dude? I don't think I even know. I feel like I'm always cringy.

Like I do my best to not be cringy. Like I will do everything in my fucking power. To not be cringy, okay? Everything. But I don't know if I'm cringy. I don't think I am. But like, I'm gonna try to give advice, but you might be receiving advice

from somebody who's also cringy. So like, let's see what I can do. I don't know. There's no way for me to know. The only people that are that knows are the guys that I speak to or I've spoken to. And they're not gonna tell me. So let's see what I can do.

Basically, if you're talking about over text, I feel like just texting normally. You don't need to text differently when you're talking to a dude. Or a girl, if you're vice versa, it works for all, but let's talk about in person, how to not be curing G, I guess.

I think the key when you're talking to somebody that you're kind of interested in, or whatever, is just to talk to them exactly how you're talking to somebody that you're kind of interested in or whatever, is just to talk to them exactly how you talk to your friends. And I know that that's kind of hard and scary because you're like, okay, but this is a new person and I need to like, you know, kind of talk like this or whatever so that they think that I'm don't try to be cool.

Don't try to fucking like say shit or use words that you wouldn't normally use. Take the pressure off yourself and just talk to them like you talked to anyone else. Try to forget for a moment that you're kind of interested in them. And just talk to them like exactly I would talk to anybody else.

I've found that when people do that with me, like when I've talked to people, and they talk to me how I would assume they talk to their friends, it's charming because it's like you already get a sense as to like who they are, especially when you are new to talking, you don't know them very well and you're kind of in the beginning stages of your friendship or relationship with this person. It's nice and comforting when they just talk to you like normal and you don't feel like they're putting on a face or putting on a show or whatever and there's no way that that can be cringy

because it's you. And if you are just cringy to them, then fuck them because you're probably not and they're just weird. So like, completely being yourself is kind of a foolproof, I think it's foolproof. Is it foolproof? That would make sense because it's like, I'm like really not smart sometimes with grammar.

My vocabulary is super not broad. Anyway, long story short, just being yourself is kind of, it's foolproof. If that's the right way to say it, like you can't go wrong if you're just being yourself and being honest. Don't try to fluff up stories. Don't lie about shit. Don't try to make yourself sound cooler than you are. Just be honest.

Be exactly who you are. I can promise you that that's enough. I can promise you that because I've seen so many people talk to each other. And I've been like somebody from the outside looking in. And I have just seen people try to make themselves seem like they're like some sort of revolutionary, extraordinary being and if anything, that comes off as cringy. More than just being honest, like, yeah, let me tell you this story about the time I

shit my pants at school. Like that shit's so much more charming and so much less cringey than like being like, yes, so one time my dad bought me a pony and then it's like, and also I have like a $3 million dollar private jet, also, and like all that shit's a lie. Like nobody wants to hear that.

Be honest. All right, this episode's gonna be hell along, but I'm not really mad about it, I kinda like it. Next. Hi, so I want your advice on something heavy. I'm a freshman in high school, and I was on this team at school that developed a bullying problem.

It made me absolutely miserable. I know that lots of people are quitting because of it. I'm literally transferring to a different school. I'm just not sure what to do when I get there. How do you deal with the trust issues and mental health problems that come with something like that, especially just having time to myself and quarantine it? I'm realizing how much this has affected me. I'm really depressed and I feel like I don't have any friends. General advice for my situation. I love you so much. I love you too. I'm so sorry that you went through that. That is so tough. And bullying is the fucking worst. And especially when you have to like, you know,

move schools because of it. Although I'm really happy for you that you're moving schools and that you have the opportunity to kind of start over in a sense and get out of that toxic situation. I think that that's amazing, so I'm really excited for you. I think it's really hard. This can, you know, I'm actually going to take this to a broader scale here, with just like kind of being traumatized from something in the past and how to move forward from it. You know, with bullying, it can be, for in your case, going to a new school. In relationships, it can be being treated like shit

in a relationship and then being scared to get into a new relationship because you're scared it's gonna happen again. Or with friendships, you know, you're scared of making new friends because the last friends you had were shitty. This kind of is, can relate to everything, you know. I think what you need to remember is that,

number one, every shitty thing that ever happens to you, anytime anybody treats you like shit, in any scenario, it is always a learning lesson, always, okay? I know that it seems just so fucked up and unfair because it is. But you, you will learn something from this. Okay, you will learn something from this that will be so valuable. You're going to learn to appreciate the people in your life that are kind for one.

Entry you right. And it's also going to give you life experience. You know what I mean? That you can now use to help others. And I think that that's huge. And I think that's really important. But for your specific situation moving schools, just remember that everybody is different.

No two people are the same. The people that were bullying you are not going to be at your new school, okay? This is a fresh slate. Remember that. You never know what's going to happen at this new school. You? This is a fresh slate, remember that. You never know what's gonna happen at this new school. You have no idea what's gonna happen. So don't spend time laying in bed

staring at the ceiling, wondering what's gonna happen at this new school when you have no idea. And that's exactly, there's no way getting around that. You have no idea and you will not know until you get there. So there's no point in being nervous about it.

Instead, try to kind of manifest. I know this is kind of a little bit might seem like some weird shit, but like kind of just imagine in manifest, it being amazing, right? And get excited about the potential that it could be amazing. You could meet your fucking future person.

You're gonna get married to there. You could fucking meet your fucking bridesmaids or groomsmaid. What's the groomsmen of your wedding? You could anything is possible, right? So don't waste your time worrying about what could go wrong and get excited about what could go right and also Just kind of let it happen as Taman Paula once said

Don't put so much pressure on it Just let it happen, okay, and in the meantime try not to think about it too much, right? Focus on other things Focus on the present moment. You're not at the school yet. So just focus on what you can control right now, which is getting creative and quarantine, cleaning a room, talking to new people and just be as open as you can because as a new kid, I've been a new kid before. And as a new kid, I think the best thing you can do is talk to as many people as you can. And it's so hard. But try to remember that these people, they're humans too. And if you show, hey, I'm open-minded.

I want to talk to new people. I could be a good friend if you guys want to give me a chance type of situation. People are going to want to give you a chance. I think people tend to be a little bit more standoffish about the people that are new that don't talk to anybody because they're like, okay, well, that person doesn't really seem like they want any attention

from me. But if you kind of introduce yourself to some people, if you're like, or you start little conversations here and there, you'd be surprised how quickly you'll make some friends that will probably be really good ones. This is a fresh start. Run with it, babe. You got this.

All right, I'm going to answer one more. Hey, I'm a recently I've been having difficulty in school and studying. I can never really focus, And I always get bored in class and end up tuning out my teachers. Do you have any studying advice that you use in high school? Thanks and I love you, I love you too. So, oh my fucking god, my tailbone is killing me because I'm sitting on the hardwood floor in my closet.

I'm a mess right now, oh my god, you. Oh my god, what's happening? Okay. I actually struggled with a similar issue in high school. We're like, I just found class so aggro. Like, I just thought it was so boring. But I actually ended up getting good grades. So let me tell you my secret, right?

Here's what I would do. The teacher would tell us what we were learning about that day, right? So let's say the teacher was like, okay, today we're going to be taking notes on this section of the textbook. And so we'd have the textbook in front of us, but they'd be writing up on the board.

Instead of listening to the teacher, I would tune out the teacher, and I would teach myself directly from the textbook. Because for me, that was more engaging for my brain. And I got less bored because I had this task and I was teaching myself, so it made a lot more sense to me. Number one, because it was coming straight from the book and I was teaching myself and the teacher wasn't

like putting it in weird terms. But also, it was like, I was allowed to tune out the teacher because she didn't know or he didn't know. I was still learning, I wasn't being unproductive, I was still being productive, but I was doing something that was more like engaging from my mind. So that was one thing I used to do.

When it came to studying, I think the best way I used to study was I would just rewrite everything down. So like, and it would take forever, it would take forever, but it was really useful. Okay. So basically what I would do is I would take my notes from the unit, right, the unit that we learned from. So let's say it was science, it was biology, and we were learning about evolution. I would take all of my notes, my detailed notes from that, and I would make a study

guide. So I'd basically rewrite all of my notes in an organized way. It's a little bit less detailed, but like, you still have every single detail, it's just more clean, and then make a study guide, right? And I'd rewrite everything. Now, the reason why that's useful is because you're not just like quizzing yourself in your head, you're actually forcing yourself to rewrite something,

which really reinforces it in your brain. And then I would have this study guide, and then before the test, I'd read over it, then I'd take the test, and usually that worked really well for me, and then the cool thing about this is that, um, um, what the fuck was that? The cool thing about this was that I could take this study guide, save it,

and then at the end of the semester, I could pull all my study guides out, I'd have all these study guides, and then I could study using those. Boom. So then it wasn't like I was sifting through a bunch of notes, I was sifting through a bunch of notes, I was sifting through a bunch of organized study guides that I'd made for each unit test, right?

So that is what I did there. And obviously, you know, a lot of schools are laid out differently with their testing and stuff. So this might not work for you, like that might not work for you, but that worked for me. Hopefully that helps. Another thing in class I would say is to,

weirdly enough, participate as much as possible. I found that like if I fully participate in class, it would keep me more engaged and I would be more interested. If I was just sitting there kind of just like whatever letting it happen, I would not like I was just so bored that I'd find myself zoning out. If you make it a goal to like raise your hand at least once in a class and either add something to the conversation or ask a question, I can guarantee that having that goal will make you more inspired to be involved in the class

so that it makes the time go by faster if you're involving yourself, because then you have a task. I think the main problem in classes, if you kind of give up, I've done it millions of times. But if you kind of give up and you're like, I fuck it, done it millions of times. But if you kind of give up and you're like, eh, fuck it, I don't really care, I'm just going to sit here and like tune it out, then you know, you're going to end up putting more work in later, trying to teach yourself the lesson. So using your time wisely and either trying to be involved or complete opposite, teaching

yourself the lesson on your own if you can through the textbook. Okay, y'all. That's today's episode. I hope you like this advice thing. I'm gonna try to do this every few weeks. If you guys want, let me know if you like it. I tweet all of the questions that I ask or all of the topics for the week on the podcast on the Twitter, which is at AG Podcasts on Twitter. Go check it out. Yeah, I had a lot of fun with this episode. And this is the longest I've ever spoken.

So I need to get back to my move. I'm in my closet staring at all my shoes all over the ground. And it kind of makes me want to rip my hair out. So yeah, I love you all. Keep it real out there. And that's all she wrote. Peace and love. Yeah, I love you all.

Keep it real out there. And that's all she wrote. Peace and love. Mwah.