anything goes with emma chamberlain - advice session #10

Episode Date: April 22, 2021

Emma is back giving advice on more of your questions! Advice on following passions how to know what career path to take, making new friends and also recognizing when to move away from friendships that aren’t working, when to know that it’s time to get into a relationship, and how do we act during those awkward moments when someone is crying. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi everybody welcome back to anything goes I'm Emma Chamberlain your host. I hope you're having an amazing week. I have such bad allergies right now that my ears are clogged and I can't hear my voice. And my throat is really dry and I can't breathe out of my nose and I know that you might be thinking, I'mma take a fucking allergy pill. Well, I am really stubborn. What just happened with my voice? I'm really stubborn and whenever I have a headache or whenever I have allergies, convince myself that I can handle it on my own. I'm like, my body can handle it.

I don't need to take Advil. I don't need to take Claretin. I don't need to take medicine to help with these issues. I get stubborn and I'm like, my body can handle it. I don't need to take Advil. I don't need to take Claretin. I don't need to take medicine to help with these issues. I get stubborn and I'm like, no, I want to handle it on my own. Why? I don't know. It's this weird complex I have in my brain where I'm like, unless it's an emergency, I don't want to put medicine into my body, which is just stupid because it's like taking an allergy pill would just

help with the problem and then we could move on. But for some reason, I'm stubborn and want to do it myself. Like I want to prove to myself like my body can solve this problem. It's on its own. Why my subconscious mind works like that? I don't know, but I can't hear myself talk right now because my ears are so clogged up for my allergies. Anyway, whatever.

What are we talking about today? We're talking about you. Because today we're doing advice session number 10. I can't believe I've done nine of these. I can't believe that we're onto our 10th. This is crazy to me. Happy 10th anniversary to advice session. Love it. If you don't know what advice session is, it's basically where I ask you guys to tell me what you're struggling

with on the Twitter at AG podcast. You guys tweet at me, DM me, stuff that you're going through, dealing with in your life that you want advice on. I take all 19 years of my knowledge in wisdom and give you guys the best advice I possibly can. And 19 years of wisdom is not a lot of wisdom, but I absolutely do my best. So on that note, let's get into it. Okay, somebody said, how do I ask my parents for therapy? I think that not a lot of people, especially adults,

realize that therapy is not just for somebody who has gone through a traumatic event. Life itself is not easy. Whether things have been relatively calm for you your whole life or you've had dozens of traumatic events, life itself is not easy. Just existing is a challenge. And because of that, I believe that everybody should try therapy, whether you're just

kind of confused about where you want to go with your life, whether you went through a traumatic event, or if everything seems completely fine, I think therapy can be useful. I don't think therapy is just for people who have gone through something extremely traumatic in that moment. I think everybody can benefit from talking, everybody. Personally, for me, I haven't found a way

to incorporate therapy into my life that works. I'm still trying to figure that out. I've tried it. I've tried a few therapists. Some of them have been good. Some of them not so much. And I'm still trying to figure out how I can incorporate therapy into my own personal life. But I think explaining to your parents

that everybody can benefit from therapy. Everybody can benefit from talking to a professional on how to make life better, more enriched, and work through things that you may not even realize you're dealing with. You know what I'm saying? There might be something that happened when you're younger. Maybe it was like your sister used to pick on you a lot. That now makes you behave differently.

And you may not even realize it, but it may have given you some sort of insecurity issues that you would never know were connected to the fact that your sister used to bully you as a kid. But now as an adult, you realize, oh my god, I'm really insecure and I have a really hard time making friends that are girls because I'm constantly afraid that they're going to judge me or look down to me and it makes me insecure. Like you might not even realize that that's going on. But going to a therapist and talking about everything can help you realize why you behave

the way that you do and it can be extremely useful. And if you feel like you need therapy, then you are absolutely entitled to ask for it. I would say you go to your parents and you say this. Listen guys, love you, what's for dinner, but also I've been feeling like I want to talk to somebody about my problems and I don't really feel comfortable maybe doing that with people that I know personally. And I would really, really like to try therapy because I feel like it could help with my

mental health, help with my development, and I would just really like to try it. Are you guys okay with that? And honestly, if your parents aren't immediately saying absolutely yes, we'll send you tomorrow, then go to your school and be like, hey, do you guys have a counselor here that I could talk to? Do you have a therapist I could talk to here? Figure out if there's a way that you can even set something up yourself. I think that if you feel like you need therapy, do absolutely everything you can to get it.

But also, I think the likelihood of your parents saying absolutely is pretty high. Somebody said, I feel like I will never have a good career just because right now I don't know what to do with my life. I'm in college, but don't know what to do in the future. Any advice? I totally understand this feeling because when I was in high school,

I was convinced that I was never going to have a good career. I was convinced and I became obsessed with getting the perfect grades, with getting the perfect attendance, with being the perfect student because I thought that that would lead me to having some sort of good job. And as hard as I was working on all of that, deep down I knew that I didn't have a passion. My initial kind of goal for my career was to do something in the medical field. Because I liked biology and I liked chemistry and so I was like, okay, that kind of makes sense, I guess.

I didn't love those things. I wasn't passionate about those things, but they came relatively naturally to me. And so I was like, okay, I guess this is what I should do. It makes decent money, and I'm gonna have to go to school for like 15 years, but whatever. Like if that's what I need to do, then that's what I'll do. Like I just wanna be successful, right? And so I found to do, then that's what I'll do. Like, I just want to be successful, right? And so I found myself kind of settling in a sense and setting this kind of dreadful

goal for myself just because I wanted to feel like my future had some promise. Now what happened to me was very odd, which was that I did not expect to end up having a career on the internet, right? Like that's definitely the last thing I expected and it happened to me a lot sooner than I would have expected as well. And I don't, and the truth of the matter is it fell into my lap. I didn't expect this to be my job. I started YouTube, I started social media,

I started doing a podcast all of that, all because I enjoyed doing it and because it was kind of a passion for me and then it eventually became my job. Now that's great, right? Having your job and your passion be intertwined. And that's obviously everybody's ultimate goal, right? There always like, I want my job and my passion to be intertwined.

But I don't think that that's the root for everybody. And I also don't necessarily think it's the best root. And I think it's romanticized. Because as much as I love my passion and my job being intertwined, it also can kind of ruin the passion for you sometimes. Because the second that money becomes involved, it's hard to not look at your passion like a business. And that sucks because that kind of takes the magic out of it.

Now, I've found a way to fall back in love with all of this stuff, but at the end of the day, I still sometimes have a hard time finding the line and finding the balance. And I think a way that you can take the pressure off yourself is to look at it like this. There's two options, right? One is you find something that you're passionate about coincidentally, and eventually that makes you money. That's a scenario where it's kind of going to fall into your lap. You can't really plan that. You can't plan to be passionate about something. It just falls in your lap.

But the other scenario is that you just find a job that maybe you're not necessarily extremely passionate about, but you find a job that allows you space to find your passion, right? So let's say you don't really have anything you're passionate about in this present moment. And you get a job at a bank. I don't know. You get a job at a bank. And your hours are from 6am to 1pm every day. Okay? You may not be passionate about working at a bank, but your hours are so that after 1pm, you can do whatever you want with your life in the rest of your day. And once you clock out, you're clocked out. And you can go do, live your life.

You know what I'm saying? And so then, you can use that time to figure out what you're passionate about and to develop your passions in life. And you may never make money from your passion. That's fully possible. But that's also fully okay. A job doesn't necessarily need to be something that you're passionate about. I think that that's almost an impossible request half the time. It's about finding a job that allows you space to have a good life around it. And I honestly think that both scenarios have really really great things about them and have really really hard things about them. There's no solid answer. But I think the first step to taking the pressure off your career

is to realize that your career doesn't need to be your passion. It doesn't. I don't think that it does. And I actually think sometimes it can be better if it isn't. Because here's another point. If your career has nothing to do with your passion or your personal life, then you can look at it as a separate entity. This is just how I make money so that I can support my passions and support myself so that I can have

the best life possible. You know? And I also think it can be kind of nice to have a job that's not your passion because you clock in at a certain time and you clock out at a certain time. And after that, you don't need to think about it anymore. You know what I'm saying? Whereas when your job is your passion, you're thinking about it 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and there's no break. You know what I'm saying? Ever. There's no break when your job is your passion.

And that's not necessarily as great as it sounds because it's really hard to create balance. It's really hard to like turn it off and be like, okay, I'm living in my personal life now. Because your creative endeavors and your passions and your money and work all get intertwined together. And I also think that money can sometimes stifle creativity and thus taking away some of your passion

for the thing that you were once passionate about. So, do you see what I'm saying here? My point is, don't put so much pressure on yourself to find the perfect job. Because everybody's path is so different and it will fall into your lap and you'll make it happen. If you wanna make it happen, you'll make it fucking happen. If you wanna get a job at a certain place, you

might not be able to do that today, but you can absolutely start taking the steps today to make that dream happen. Anything is possible. Anything. You just can't stop working at it. And along the way, your goals may change, but it will be absolutely fine and you will figure it out. Don't rush it. It'll fall into your lap and take it day by day. People are always so concerned about the future as if we know that we're going to live tomorrow. You know what I'm saying? You have to live in the moment. Right now in this moment, you're in college. Focus on being in college. You'll fucking figure it out once you graduate. You'll figure it out.

You'll make it happen and you will be fine. You just have to remember, I'm gonna be fine no matter what happens. And if you remind yourself of that, the fear goes away, the pressure goes away, and then everything just starts falling into your lap. That's how the universe works. I swear to God, it's like, once you take the pressure off

and once you take the fear away and you just trust the universe, everything falls into your lap. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is more than a website builder. It's an all-in-one place to make an online space that's entirely your own. Their all-in-one place to make an online space that's entirely your own. Their all-in-one platform allows you to customize everything

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just as good on a phone as it does on a desktop. Check out Squarespace.com for more features and inspiration, and when you're ready to build your site, use the offer code Emma for 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. There's no instruction manual when it comes to being an adult. Sometimes I lay away get-night rehashing something I said earlier that day or lay in bed at night thinking about what the future holds. I know I'm not the only one going through a lot of what-ifs. Like, what if I get into a fender bender?

Or what if my home gets broken into. But state farm can help you with some of those big what ifs. They're available to answer your questions day or night. You can reach them 24 7 file a claim on the state farm mobile app or simply call your agent to ask what's on your mind. Like you good neighbor, state farm is there. Call or go to state farm.com for a quote today. Somebody said, I'm gonna shift to another continent this year. Any advice on how to make new friends without being awkward. It's like I try, but it ends up getting awkward. PSA love you. I love you so much. Okay, this is what I do. Okay, and it seems fake or like artificial,

but I really don't think it is. I think it's just teaching yourself how to be comfortable with new people. First, I want you to start out by thinking of somebody that has the sense of swag and non-shelence about them when they're talking to new people. It might be one of your family members, it might be one of your friends,

it might be somebody that you met and you're just impressed by their calmness. Think about that person and think about how they act, right? Now, when you're meeting a new person, they don't know whether or not you're maybe an awkward person, right? They don't know. It's a fresh slate. You can be whoever you want to this person when you first meet them.

You know what I'm saying? Like, your first impression is all up to you. You can handle it however you want. And you have to give yourself this like false sense of confidence. And just go into it, faking that you're confident that you're not awkward, that you're comfortable having the conversation that you're having, go into it and fake it. Like, just be like, hey, my name's blank. Nice to meet you. and just be chill like just in and literally act like you are the person that I mentioned earlier that like you know personally that just has this nonchalance about them almost imitate them and chances are you'll only have to do that a handful of times before it becomes real and that becomes how you handle meeting new people.

Because the thing is you just have to train yourself out of your old habits of maybe letting the awkward silence go on for a little bit too long or walking up to people and kind of having your shoulders shrugged, it's just practice. And you just have to practice approaching new people with confidence. It's that simple. And it's uncomfortable and it might feel fake and it might feel a little bit wrong in the beginning. But over time, you'll get better at it and it'll become a part of you. And you'll figure out how to kind of make it your own.

It starts with imitating somebody that you admire, who has this social confidence, but then it ends up becoming who you are. You know what I'm saying? And you end up turning it into something that's truly you. Whether that's by having a new line that you use when you meet new people, being like, hey, my name's this.

Like, I'm new around here. Whatever it may be, the words that you use will change and become more you over time. And those types of things will evolve and become more you, but it's like you have to start somewhere. And so what I do is if I want to adopt a new trade or something like that, I start by copying somebody that I admire

that does the same thing. You know what I'm saying? And there's nothing wrong with that. Like it's not weird, it's not a bad thing. It doesn't mean you're a phony or a fake. It has to start somewhere. You know what I'm saying? And there's no harm in taking inspiration

from other human beings. That's, we're meant to do that, we're built to do that. Okay, next somebody said, hey, am I was wondering what to do to take a friendship to the next level? Like from slight awkwardness to besty material. Yes, I know exactly what you're talking about. It's funny, it's like in the beginning

of a friendship, you're on egg shells a little bit. You know what I mean? You're kind of like, I don't want to be too weird. I don't want to be, you know, I don't want to ask them to hang out too much, like whatever. The only remedy to this that I've found is spending a lot of time together with this person. It's all about time spent together. That's what grows comfortability, whether it's with a best friend or it's with a boy that you wanna date for me,

anyways, for my experience, but in general, a person that you would wanna date, like no matter what it is, the more time you spend together, the more comfortable you're going to get with them. And it's just that. And I would say a great way to kind of jumpstart it is to have a sleepover because there's

something about sleepovers that's very bonding. You know what I'm saying? Because not only are you spending a significant amount of time with somebody, you know, what, 15 hours, including the time that you're sleeping, like of time with somebody, you know, what, 15 hours, including the time that you're sleeping, like it's sleepovers, you hang out for a long period of time. But also, when you're new friends with somebody, it's exciting. And so, you guys are going to stay up and you guys are going to talk about your lives and

maybe get a little bit deep. I feel like there's something about sleepovers where it's like, you get deep. You know what I mean? You start talking about shit that you wouldn't normally talk about because it's like, you get deep. You know what I mean? You start talking about shit that you wouldn't normally talk about because it's dark out and it feels safer. And I don't know how to explain it, but I think for me, sleepovers always are a game changer for becoming closer with somebody.

Specifically friends, you know? Because it just inspires like a deep convo. And like that's what just gets you more and more comfortable because the more you guys learn about each other, the more comfortable you're gonna get. So have a sleep over, have some deep late night thoughts and have fun. Somebody said, hi, Emma, I would like some advice on choosing wisely when it's time to move out. I really would like to live in New York City since it's a few hours from my family, but I don't think I could handle the hustle and bustle

and want to live quietly. I know you've said being in the heart of LA is stressful and things get tiring. So I would like some input on what to do coming from somebody who lives in a busy city. I love you so much and I hope you're doing well. Well, thank you and I love you too. Um, okay. So here are my thoughts. You would be shocked at how well you will be able to adapt to whatever situation the world throws at you. Or to whatever situation you decide to put yourself in.

If you decide to move to New York City and that's what you want to do, you will adapt and you will learn to love it. And you will be completely fine. Okay. Like, if you want to move to New York, yeah, it is kind of crazy, but you can find Peacefulness in New York City, whether it's in you know your Cozy apartment or it's at a cozy coffee shop that's maybe on a less busy street like You'll be able to find that calmness if you really want to and when it comes to getting used to the rustle and bustle of a big city You will adapt and you will figure it out if you want to. And when it comes to getting used to the rustle and bustle of a big city, you will adapt. And you will figure it out if you want to. It might take a little bit

of work and it might be a little bit uncomfortable in the beginning. But if this is something that you really want to do, believe in yourself and believe that you're going to be able to adapt, because as humans, that's what we do. When we get put into a new setting or a new type of situation, we adapt. How many times can into a new setting or a new type of situation, we adapt. How many times can I fucking say adapt in a sentence? But seriously, like, I think we as humans underestimate how capable we are of making the most of whatever situation we put ourselves in. Seriously. We're more than capable of that and Believe in yourself and believe that you can do that shit because you can't New York is an amazing city. I

Personally love it. I don't know what living in it would be like but I Say that you you send it and I say you do it and I also say that you know if you're kind of hesitant about moving out in general Because you're scared of you know not having that safety net of your family, remember this, it's never gonna fully feel like the right time to move out. There's always gonna be that doubt in the back of your head that's like, okay, but it's so comfortable and easy to just live at home.

And I get that, you know? As eager as I was to move out, I still had that thought in the back of my head that was like, but it's so easy and safe to just live with my mom, you know? Like, it's so easy. It's also like when you're getting ready to have a child. No matter how eager you are to have a child, there's always going to be that voice in the back of your head that's saying, well, but this is a lot. You know what I mean? This is going to be a lot. There's always going to be that voice in the back of your head. And if you're ready and you have all of the means to do it, I say you moved to New York,

you give it a try and guess what? If it doesn't work for you after about a year or so, you leave and you try something else. You know, there's nothing holding you in one space. You can move anywhere. You know what I'm saying? Like, you don't need to stay there. And trust me, if you can live in New York, you can move anywhere, you know what I'm saying? Like, you don't need to stay there. And trust me, if you can live in New York, you can live anywhere, because it does not seem easy, but it seems like it could be really worth it in a lot of fun.

So I say you give it a try. Okay, the next question is actually kind of similar to the last one. Should I go to college in LA? Do you think being an influencer and living in LA is a different experience than living there and not being one? Yes, a thousand percent. I think living in LA, if you weren't an influencer, would be 50 times more fun. And listen, I don't want to be negative.

I am so grateful for the life that I have. I'm so grateful for the experiences that I've had in LA too. But here's the reason why living in LA as an influencer is different than living in LA as a, say, person that doesn't want to, you know, have a following on the internet, right? So being influencer in LA is tough because a lot of other influencers live here, right? And as with everything, influencers tend to know each other, you know what I mean? It's like a lot of musicians tend to know each other, a lot of actors tend to know each other because they are invited to similar events and stuff

like that. So you end up meeting everybody. And because of that and because all the influencers kind of know each other, it's kind of like a high school in a sense where there's drama, everybody knows each other, people date each other, people then break up and date each other, somebody else that they know, like everybody knows each other. So chances are, like, when you go to an event or a party, you're gonna see 20 people that you know, because influencers all hang out and kind of accumulate together.

And that's the part of it that I don't necessarily love, just because I don't like the fact that I'm not meeting a lot of new people because of the space that I'm in and I'm just kind of seeing influencers and and that's not necessarily what the type of people that I want to hang out with because actually I want an escape from that when I'm being social. You know what I'm saying? Like I want to talk to people that have different life experiences than me and have a different career, you know, because that's what's gonna, that will diversify my knowledge of the world

when I meet people like that, that have a different job to me and a different lifestyle to me. But influencers all kind of have a similar lifestyle and they all kind of have a similar job. And it's like, I don't want to talk about that stuff. Like, I want to talk about different stuff. I want to talk about, you know, I want to talk to somebody who is a real estate agent for

fuck's sake. And like, talk about what that's like. Like, that's interesting to me. I like that. And obviously, you know, I could work a little bit harder for sure to find those people in LA because they absolutely exist, but it's not easy, because I'm kind of stuck,

it feels like in this influencer social circle, and I don't love it. You know what I'm saying? It's not something that's necessarily super inspiring to me, not because it's personal to the people at all, but simply because I wanna learn more about the world in general. And so being around a bunch of people that do the same thing as me is just not necessarily

super inspiring. And again, that has nothing to do with those people personally. It's not personal at all, but it's just in general. You know what I'm saying? So, that's the reason why living in LA as an influencer can be kind of hard. It's also very competitive and people are very competitive with you, what parties, one person is getting into versus the other, who has the most up-to-date fashion sense. It's very competitive and it can be really negative as well because of that competitiveness.

I'm saying to be the most up most up to date with the most fashion trends or to be invited to the most parties. Like, that stuff is just so surface level and empty to me and I hate it, but that's very much the root of what influencers care about as a whole. And, you know, it's tough. It can be really tough. But, on the other hand, if you move here and you are not an influencer and you have no

interest in being an influencer and you're just moving to LA for school or just because you want to be in Southern California because it's fun, it's great here. There's actually really a lot of great things about LA. You're really close to the beach. The beach is an L.A. are gorgeous. You know, there's endless amounts of things to do. It is fast paced, but not really. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's not actually that fast paced.

It's like New York is fast paced. You know what I'm saying? Shit's moving. You gotta keep moving. But in L.A., it's not like that as much. You know, it's a lot more relaxing. And you can live a very chill life here. Things are a lot more spread out. And I think you could make living in LA an absolute dream.

I think it's just really hard for me because I'm stuck in this cycle of being like, ah, I want to, you know, branch out and meet new people. But then being like, I don't know where to do that. And like all the people I know are influencers. Like it's very hard. I've done a pretty good job at, you know, not necessarily meeting people that are out of the public eye because that's pretty hard. It's weird, it's weird how people who are in the public eye and have a following on social media for whatever they may do, whether

it's music, acting, social media, YouTube, like social media in general, like TikTok and stuff like that, YouTube, music producer, DJ, like whatever it is, they tend to cling to one another and all socialize with one another. And I think the closest I've gotten to branching out from the influencer circle is to just start to hang out with people that maybe in the public eye, but they also do something different to me. And I think that that's been really exciting

and given me the kind of depth and conversation that I've been looking for because people that say act have a very different work life than I do. So that's very interesting to me. So stuff like that is great. But the other thing about being an influencer in LA is that everybody is trying to use each other to get somewhere in the industry. And that's really tough too because you you don't know, you know,

people's true intentions. Because at a party, 99% of the people there are people who are doing the same thing as you and want to be the best. And so that's another thing that causes a lot of anxiety. It's like, okay, all the people here like have the same goal in mind and that's to be more famous,

which I personally don't have that goal, but like a lot of people do, which I understand. But being around that energy can be very stressful because there's not a lot of genuineness in it. So it's hard. This episode is brought to you by Liquid IV. Liquid IV believes everybody needs hydration every day. It's not just for athletes or that one time you try to hot yoga class,

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It's so simple to use. Just rip open a stick and pour the powder in some water for a boost because real life is extreme enough. Liquid IV, real people, real flavor, real hydrating. Buy a stick of Liquid IV at a store near you or head to liquidiv.com and use the code anything for 20% off your order. That's liquidiv.com with the code anything. Tap the banner or visit this episode's page to learn more. tap the banner or visit this episode's page to learn more. Somebody said, I hang out with people that I really like, but they've been friends for much longer,

and I feel excluded every time we hang out because they whisper and share secrets. It feels like I'm just running after them. I'm done with high school in a month, so I just let it go. Personally, I would say yes, let it go. Because here's the thing. You may like them, and they might be sweet to you to a certain extent, but there's no reason to waste your energy on people that aren't putting 100% into your friendship. And if you're gonna be leaving high school anyway, move on from this.

You can stay friends with them, you can stay, you know, cordial with them and have like a distant relationship, but these shouldn't be your go-to people because clearly they're not including you enough and that's just not fair and you don't deserve that. And I can guarantee out of the seven billion people on this planet you could find a few friends out there that would include you a hundred times more than these girls are. So I would say you ditch it and make new friends in college. You don't need to deal with this.

Somebody said, hey, I'm a recently, I've been craving a relationship. I've never had one in my life, so I don't know what to expect, but I feel this void. I've grown as an individual and I know who I am. Does this void feeling inside need filling with a relationship? Or do I still have growing to do? Well, you know, the hard thing is, throughout life, I feel like we're always gonna have

some sort of void. Like, I think that's inevitable. And I think that we're always gonna try to fill it with something. And it seems right now that you're thinking that a relationship could fill this void. I have some good and bad news for you. Some good news is that you seem really self-aware about the fact that you have this void and that you want to fill it.

Now, that's really great because being aware of that means that you're less likely to unhealthily fill your void with a new relationship because you're aware of it. That's a huge step one. The bad news I have is that relationships don't tend to fill voids. They might in the very beginning when you're in the honeymoon phase and everything seems like a dream come true You may feel that void be filled for a period of time But once the relationship settles in and the honeymoon phase is over and it's time to get back to your normal life

That void is going to be empty again So here's my take on it. I would say you're probably ready for a relationship, and even if you're not, what you learn from having one is irreplaceable and it's crucial. And if you want one, then go for it. But I will tell you that the chance of that void being filled by the relationship is slim to none. It's probably not going to fill that void.

So go ahead, pursue relationships. But while you're doing that, pursue things in your personal life that only have to do with you that can help to fill that void. Whether that's, you know what I'm about to say, if you guys listen to this podcast, getting a hobby, whether that's getting into cooking or exercising or reading, like whatever it may be, like find something that makes your day-to-day life

a little bit more enriched, and that will help to fill that void much more than a relationship would. But I also think that like, relationships teach you a lot and can actually also enrich your life if it's the right person. So,

I say just keep your eyes peeled and try to find a bay. But also read a book or something. That's my two cents. Somebody said, how can I get away from friends that I feel like don't like me anymore? Because if I drop them, I'll be alone. Well, you probably will be alone for a period of time and there are going to be periods of time throughout your life

where you're alone. It's just inevitable because as you grow as a human, you're going to grow in and out of friendships. And in between those friendships, you're going to have moments alone. And those moments alone are really important for figuring out what you need in a friendship,

for figuring out who you really are, and for reigniting your relationship with your inner self. That alone times crucial. And it's not something to dread, reigniting your relationship with your inner self. That alone times crucial, and it's not something to dread, and it's not something to be afraid of. I personally have grown to love alone time, and when friendships kind of drift away, I'm not afraid of that anymore,

because I know that the alone time that I'm gonna have once a friendship drifts away is going to be really useful time for me to kind of check in with myself and to figure out what's next for me. And the other thing is if you're not afraid of a alone time and you're not afraid of moments of loneliness. If you can release that, it gives you so much freedom. Because you're never gonna be in a friendship that's negative again. You're never gonna put up with shit that you don't have to put up with ever again. Because you're not gonna be afraid of being alone. People stay in toxic relationships, toxic friendships,

because they're afraid of being alone. And they waste so much time. But if you let go of that and you say, you know what, I'm not afraid of being alone. I'm not scared of that. Then you're going to start attracting friendships and relationships that are so much more positive and healthy in life,

enriching, like enriching for your life. Somebody said, hi, Bestie, so really quick, I just need your help because I miss my best friend. Since the pandemic, my parents won't let me go out. It's been a year since I saw my friends and of course they're all forgetting about me and it makes me feel so sad seeing how they're all moving on and living their lives without me. What should I do? I'm literally so sad but I feel like I don't have any options because my parents won't let me go out because of COVID but I can't get mad at my friends either for hanging out

without me. Obviously. So dot, dot, dot. Let me remind you of the big picture here. Okay. The big picture is this. Once your parents let you go out again and you're allowed to hang out with your friends

whenever you want, the truth of the matter is things are gonna go back to normal. I have a friend from high school that I only see like once a year, right? And throughout the year we live our lives. We don't talk like at all. Okay, like literally not at all, like rarely. But every time we see each other,

it's like we never left, seriously. And it's crazy to me, because I'm always like, God, I've not been checking up on you. Like you haven't been checking up on me. Like we don't even know what's going on, but the second that we're together again, it's like nothing ever happened.

And we're not even necessarily very close anymore. Like really not. And I doubt she even necessarily very close anymore, like really not. And I doubt she would consider me even one of her best friends now, which is totally fine. And vice versa, like we've grown a lot, but we're still friends, of course. But we're not best friends by any means anymore. But every time we see each other again,

it's always fun because the truth of the matter is when you start spending time with somebody again, whether it's been a year or whether it's been a week or whether it's been a day, like things just go back to normal very quickly because as humans, we're not like, we just want things to be fun. You know what I'm saying? So once you're allowed to go out and hang out with your friends again, I can almost guarantee that things are gonna go back to normal,

almost like nothing ever happened. So for right now, focus on you. Ignore the fact that they're hanging out without you and the second that this is over, then take the steps to rebuilding that friendship and I can guarantee it will go back to normal so quickly. You just have to ride this out and then everything's going to be fine. Somebody said my best friend sometimes decides to fall out on me for no reason.

Just starts ignoring me. Most of the time we get along so well and have so much fun. I don't understand why he just changes up so fast. Should I keep being friends with him? Communication, it's time to have a talk with your friend. It's time to have a conversation with your friend. Don't just run away, don't just say, ah, this is too much work, I'm out, this is like too upsetting, I'm out. No, have a conversation with your friend. Sit him down and be like, listen dude, I love you, I love our friendship, we have so much fun together,

but every once in a while, you just run away from me. And I just want to know why. Like it really upsets me. I take it personally, is this something that's personal to me or is this something that you are dealing with? And have that conversation. And chances are after you have this conversation, you guys are gonna be closer than ever,

and your friend is gonna feel more apt to tell you what's going on when they start to kind of quote unquote, disappear. They're gonna feel more apt to lean on you because you've showed that you care and that you're paying attention. Somebody said, what are your thoughts on engagement after only knowing, slash dating somebody for barely a year?

Everybody knows the phrase, if you know, you know. But how could you possibly know enough about somebody after a year? This is, I mean, I don't personally have experience with this because I am not engaged, and I don't plan on being engaged for a long time. But unfortunately, I think that a lot of people think that they know and they don't, especially if they're really young. I think that young people especially feel love

for the first time and they're like, oh, well, this has to be the one. I'm never gonna feel love like this again. This is the most love I've ever felt towards a person, like how am I ever supposed to feel this again? This has to be my person, you know? When in reality, they're just feeling love for the first time and chances are, they'll probably feel it a few more times

again in their life. Now personally, and this is just me, right? I am just talking from my experience in my opinion, and this is no judgment to anybody who has quickly gotten engaged or whatever, like this is no judgment towards those people. And if that's like a decision that you've made, I completely respect you, but I'm giving my opinion for myself and for everybody, anybody who is maybe kind of lost and wants to hear my perspective.

That's all this is. So again, no judgment, right? I personally think that there's just no reason to rush into it. In the longer time you have to get to know somebody before you commit to them like that, the better. I really think that you should not rush a decision like that. And I think so many people are so quick to rush a decision like that without fully understanding

the potential repercussions. Because if you marry somebody really early on and you have a kid with them early on because you're convinced that they're your person, well there's a 50-50 shot that they're not. If you made all these quick decisions when you were young and you started a family and did all this and then, you know, 15 years down the line, your kids, a teenager and you're like, I don't love this person anymore, I don't want to do this anymore. Well now you have to get divorced, okay?

And then that affects your child and that affects the rest of your life, you know? And that is something that could possibly be avoided by getting to know your partner a lot more before you commit with everything in you to that person. You know, I think that rushing into things is never a good idea personally, okay? And, you know, there can be some unicorn situations where, you know, people get married the first month that they know each other and they stay married for the rest of their lives

and have a beautiful family and it just works. And do you know what? I'm not going to take that away from those people. But I would say for majority of people, it definitely makes more sense to wait. And there's just no reason to rush it. The other thing is, when you're young, you are one version of yourself.

But as you grow up, you change a lot. You change a lot. I'm a fully different person than I was a year ago. You know? And if somebody falls in love with me right now, in five years, I'm going to be a completely different person. And so unless they grow with me, and unless they are willing to accept the changes that are going to happen with

who I am, then even if they were in love with me at one point when I was young or right now, they might not be in love with me in five years. You see what I'm saying? I'm using myself as an example. Like, I know I'm going to change over the next five, 10 years. And so if somebody's in love with me now, I have to be okay with the fact that that may go away because I'm not going to be the same me in five years,

even in one year. You know what I'm saying? Relationships can be perfect for the time being. Because you and your significant other have the same views on the world and have the same goals, etc., etc. But as your goals and morals and priorities shift, you guys might not align anymore After you guys develop and that's just a part of it So the longer that you spend with somebody the better because it proves okay, wait, we're growing together

We're evolving together and we have the same trajectory and it's solid and it's been solid for the past five years. We've kept it solid Which is a very great telltale sign that things are gonna last For the next five years you see what I'm saying, but how are you going to know Unless you test it for a while, you know what I'm saying? So I don't know. That's just my take on it test it for a while. You know what I'm saying? So I don't know, that's just my take on it. But people can do whatever they want

and everybody's so different and everybody's relationship is so different and I'm never one to judge. But that's just my two cents. Okay, next to me said, so there's this girl who I have a crush on on Instagram and I don't know if I should DM her. Like, I think I would look like a creep.

We have similar friends, but that's it. You know, DMing on Instagram is tough because I think it is tough not to feel creepy when you're doing it. You know what I mean? Like, it does feel creepy, but I think it's all about how you go about it. I think the best way to go about it

is to do it in a joking manner. Say something kind of funny. Maybe even slide up on one of her stories, like respond to one of her stories. Make it super casual. Make it funny if you can. Not like a pickup line though. Like don't be creepy like because that can get creepy. Like something friendly, something super respectful, super tame, and I think that you're fine. You know, I think it's only creepy if you're trying to like do a pickup line

right off the bat, maybe compliment her outfit or compliment her makeup or something. If you, you know, that's actually, that's as far as I would go with it, you know? If you wanna be flirty. But in general, just be friendly. Like just say like something super casual and you'll be totally fine.

And I say you send it. Somebody said, do you think that it would be considered cheating if you had been talking to somebody for almost a year and they told you multiple times that they were in love with you, but then you go and have sex with a couple people. But due to certain circumstances, you haven't been able to actually date the person you've been talking to.

Do I think that this is cheating? No, but do I think that this is not great? Yes. Okay? Like, it's not cheating because you're not dating. I mean, simple as that. If you're not dating, then it can't be cheating. You know, but that doesn't mean that it's necessarily fair

to the other party involved, right? Listen, in my opinion, it's always best to be loyal to anybody that you're talking to in a given moment. You know what I'm saying? That's the way that my brain is wired and that's what makes me feel the best and makes me feel the least icky about the whole situation, right?

But I know that everybody's different. I don't think it's cheating. I don't think it's anything to feel guilty about or, you know, mad at yourself for. If you're the one that went and hooked up with other people, but I think that in general rule of thumb, you know, it's not the best thing to do. And if you want a future with this person,

I would say you avoid talking to anybody else. Even if you guys aren't officially dating yet, if there's like a spark there and you want it to go somewhere at some point, I would say avoid doing those things, you know. Because even when I've been in talking faces with guys, the second that I'm like, this is somebody I would date, I cut off all ties with all the other guys immediately. Because I don't want to get in the way

of the connection that I have with this person, and I don't want to get in the way of developing that potential relationship. And so even though I technically could go and talk to other guys in the meantime, before things become official, I don't want to do that because I don't want to jeopardize what could potentially happen with this situation.

And also, put yourself in the other person's shoes. How would you feel if they were going and hooking up with other people? Probably not so great. So it's like, treat others how you'd want to be treated. It's simple as that. The golden rule.

You know what I'm saying? Would you be okay with them doing that? No, probably not. So don't do it yourself, you know what I mean? And if you've already done it, then fuck it. You didn't break any rules technically, and you probably learned a lesson from it. I wouldn't do it again.

But at the same time, you aren't technically cheating. But I think that stringing somebody along that's in love with you, and then going and having sex with other people, is just, it's gonna hurt that other person. And in general, in life, a rule of thumb, with other people, it's gonna hurt that other person. And in general, in life, a rule of thumb I like to live by is just treat others like you'd like to be treated, but also do your absolute best not to harm anybody else.

You know what I mean? Even if you're not technically breaking the rules, if there's a chance that you could be hurting somebody by what you're doing, don't do it. Point blank period. Just try not to do it. You know? It's like if you want to be with other people, then don't string on, string along this person who's in love with you. Just cut it off. If it's not going anywhere, cut it off. Because they're going to get hurt, you know what I mean? And it's going to be really painful for them. So just end it before it like implodes in both of your faces. Somebody said, hi, I'm going to have a knee surgery this summer and I won't be able to walk or bend my knee for at least eight weeks. I'm very scared of that whole process, any advice. With situations like this that seem so fucking unfair and so inconvenient and so upsetting,

it can be really hard to find a silver lining. But finding a silver lining is what you have to do in order to make this seem a lot less painful. With your specific situation, I would say, read a book. Find a book that you really wanna read. I can give you a recommendation. I'm reading East of Eden right now by John Steinbeck. It's an amazing book.

It's very interesting. It's very engaging. The beginning is a little bit slow, like the first chapter or so is a little bit slow, but then it picks up and it's great. That's a great book. There's thousands of Bizzilians books. Pick up a book and get excited about reading it.

Because you might find a new passion for reading while recovering from the surgery. Who knows? Find other things that you can do while recovering from the surgery that are exciting to you. Try to find a new passion. Use this time wisely. You're gonna have all this time to,

you know, find a new creative passion possibly. Maybe that means drawing or art of some sort. You know, you're gonna have a lot of time to practice that. Or maybe it is, you know, fucking doing crossword puzzles. I don't know like whatever it may be, write a list of a bunch of things that you could do during this eight month recovery period and create goals for yourself. Like I want to read one book, I want to make one piece of art that I'm proud of and I want to complete 15 crossword puzzles.

Make a goal for yourself and it might seem small and it might even feel stupid to you. But having a goal to accomplish will distract you from the fact that you can't really get out of bed, right? Use this time to find something that you enjoy that you didn't enjoy before. And that's going to actually end up being super rewarding. I think you should really pick up reading

because I recently just got into reading and I love it and I think you should try it. Somebody said, I used to be in a triangle of three in a friend group. But we had a falling out in my best friend now and I aren't friends with the other girl that we were in the friendship with. We aren't talking because we aren't friends. The ex friend texted me randomly out of the blue saying that she accomplished something. Like what?

It was so random. So I asked my best friend what I should do and she said to not reply and that she was probably just attention seeking Do you have any advice on how I can properly establish that a friendship is over? Both sides know it, but the ex friend doesn't seem to understand Now I'm about to go full Mom advice on you right now like full mom advice on you but it's because I see friendships and stuff like that

in such a different light than I did when I was younger. When I was younger, I would have looked at the situation in a very similar way to you, being like, I want this friendship to be over. I'm done talking to this girl. I never want to talk to her again. I'm done. And I want her to know that this friendship is over, whether it hurts her or me or not. I just want it to be over, right? Well, let me propose an idea to you. What if you let her know that the friendship was over while still being kind

Because I don't know what this friend did to you. I don't know why you guys had a falling out but not responding when you know she wanted to share an accomplishment with you is Probably not the best choice Because you don't want to have enemies in this world. The best thing that you can do for yourself is to have the least amount of enemies possible in life. And by not responding to her when she's telling you about an accomplishment and by trying to nail into her head that the friendship is over. That's possibly creating an enemy and you don't need that negativity in your life. So here's how I would handle this situation specifically.

Respond to her, say, congratulations, keep it short, keep it cordial. And then if she tries to start a conversation outside of that and be like, how have you been? Stuff like that, that's when you don't respond. Be kind, but then draw the line. And you don't need to say, hey, we're done. She'll figure it out. You don't need to say that blatantly to her face, at least right now.

Give it a second. Be kind, but you don't need to like engage in, you know, extended conversation with her. Just congratulate her for her accomplishment, even if she's attention seeking who cares, just say congratulations. And then if she tries to continue the conversation after that, then you can drop off and you can stop responding. But I would say at least respond, at least congratulate her. And in general, be kind to her.

You know what I mean? You don't wanna have an enemy, but just don't hang out with her. If she asks you to hang out, just be like, oh, I'm sorry, I don't think I have time. She'll figure it out, she'll figure it out, she'll get the message. You don't have to blatantly come out and be like,

I don't wanna be your friend anymore, I don't like you, me and my friend don't like you anymore. You don't need to handle it friend anymore. I don't like you. Me and my friend don't like you anymore. You don't need to handle it like that. Let her go down easy and just kind of let the relationship fade naturally. Okay? That'll be the healthiest way for all of you to move forward and she'll figure it out. But in the meantime, just be kind to her.

You don't need to be her friend, but you can still be kind. You know, any friend that I've had over the past 10 years, whether it ended badly or not, if they came to me now and were like, hey, what's up, I would be kind to them. Even if I never want to be friends with them again, I've learned that that's what gets you the farthest in life. And that's what makes your life the most drama free and the most easy. You know what I'm saying? You don't need drama. Drama is just dumb, you know? There's something to be said for humoring people, okay? Like even if you know that somebody's boasting about

something, even if you know that somebody is bragging or even if you know that you don't really want to be friends with somebody, there's something to be said for just being kind and just humoring them and just kind of giving them what they want, but then separating yourself before it becomes a friendship. You know what I'm saying? Like it doesn't need to become a friendship. You can be kind and you can humor them and you can give them the time of day without being their friend, a thousand percent, you know

Somebody said I Have a best friend who's kind of toxic uses me for money and I feel really anxious around them And they're always pressuring me to do things that I don't want to do I can't really drop them right now though because they're suffering from really bad depression and I get anxiety Because of their mental state Okay, I totally get this and this is really, really tough and I've actually been in a similar situation to this before and I totally understand this pressure because part of you is like, this friendship is not good for me. Like this friendship is totally tearing me apart but at the same time, I'm scared that if I leave them,

something will happen. That's one of the most uncomfortable, scary, and terrible spots to be in ever, truly. It's really one of the worst spots. And I know that this can happen even in toxic, romantic relationships. It's, I get it. But at the end of the day, it sounds like this person is not treating you fairly. Okay.

They're using you for your money, which is like so fucked up. A friend should never do that to you. It sounds like, you know, they're not a good influence on you in general and they're making your life substantially worse. Okay. You have absolutely all the right to leave this friendship and their mental health is not your responsibility. Okay. Now, you can do everything in your power to be there for them, whether your friends

with them or not, but it's not your responsibility to be their friend and to take care of them through their struggles. It's just not your responsibility. Now, here's what I would recommend, okay? And this is a really hard situation to be in, and there's virtually no right answer, because on one hand it's like, well, if somebody's struggling with depression, you can't just leave them, but on the other hand, it's like, yeah, but you can't torture yourself. You know what I mean? You can't. So here's what I would do.

I would say this. Hey, I need to spend some time by myself. I think that I need to have some distance from this friendship. I need to figure some stuff out on my own. But in the meantime, I know that you're struggling with your mental health and I don't want to leave you hanging. And so, if you ever need to talk about this, feel free to call me, but I think that in general, I need some space from this friendship.

But if you ever need me, I'm here. And you can word this however you want. But the key is to leave a handout if they need help, but to separate yourself from the friendship as a whole. You know what I mean? But still, leave yourself as a resource for them if they need help. It's a really tough situation to be in though. Somebody said, so me and this guy started talking

at the beginning of quarantine and it was going amazing, but I randomly lost the butterflies, but I saw it as losing feelings, so I ended things. I still can't figure out if I like him or not, but my friend says that she likes him and I'm very jealous. Okay, well, a lot of times butterflies go away after the honeymoon phase is over because it's like you're all excited in the beginning,

it's like everything seems like a dream inevitably the butterflies kind of go away and They'll come back periodically throughout your relationship But you're not going to be in this constant state of butterflies for a whole relationship It's impossible. It just doesn't work like that. So there is a decent chance that you still like him um and You know that's something that you may need time to figure out, right?

But as for your friend, that's when she gets a little messy. If your friend likes him and your jealous, that's another telltale sign that you may still like him. And it was just that the butterflies went away because that was the normal trajectory of the relationship. And now you're jealous because you're like, wait, I actually do like this guy. I think there's a decent chance that you still like him. But on the off chance that you actually don't like this guy anymore, that still aligns

with you being jealous of your friend liking him. Because as humans were territorial, like if one of my friends went and dated one of my ex-boyfriends, I'd still be, actually I wouldn't really care at this point. I'm like far past it enough where I wouldn't care anymore. But like for the first few years after my breakups with those people, I would have absolutely been like, I don't like them anymore, but like don't go do that.

Like, you know what I'm saying? Now in the present moment, I wouldn't care because it's been long enough, I've had enough distance. But back then, I would have still been jealous and angry. You know what I'm saying? So, and uncomfortable by it. You know what I'm saying? So I would say this could go either way.

You may or may not have feelings for this guy. I would say, hang out with him again. So hang out with him again and see if something comes up. And if it doesn't, then whatever. And now you know, but I really don't know. Like, it could really go either way. You could easily be jealous just because it's a fresh cut. You know what I'm saying?

You guys just ended things and now your friends all of a sudden trying to get in there. But it also might be that the relationship ended because the butterflies were gone, but not necessarily because the feelings were gone. That's something that only time will tell. And I would recommend going and hanging out with them again. Somebody said, and this is the last question I'm going to answer today, what do you do when somebody is crying?

This is a great, great question. And because it's so awkward, right? But here's what I do when somebody starts crying. The biggest key is to not overreact because I think a lot of times when somebody starts crying in front of somebody else, the person who is not crying will be like, because I think a lot of times when somebody starts crying in front of somebody else, the person who is not crying will be like, oh no, no, are you okay, don't cry, don't cry, don't do that, don't do that.

What I recommend is silence, to be honest. When somebody starts crying, stay silent, and give some sort of physical affection if there's somebody that responds well to that. Maybe put your hand on top of their hand. Maybe touch their arm and start like, you know, caressing their arm, not a creepy way, God bless. But like, you know what I'm saying, just be nurturing in that moment. And be a shoulder to cry on, you know, pun intended, okay?

Literally, be a shoulder to cry on. And just listen to them. And if they're just crying and not talking, just let them cry. Let them work through it. Crying is so normal, it's so healthy. And you don't have to say anything. You don't have to say anything.

Just listen. And if they ask for advice, or if they ask for your two cents Go ahead and give it but let them lead the conversation let them lead All of that, you know because it's confusing to try to handle it yourself and you don't have to you know I'm saying they're the ones that are struggling in that moment. So let them Tell you what they need from you in that moment. And besides that, just be nurturing, be comforting, give them a hug if they're okay with it, do whatever you may need to do, but silence, just be silent. Take the pressure off yourself to like, no exactly what to say. You don't need to say anything. That's what I've learned over time. But anyway, on that note,

I hope you guys enjoyed this advice session. I had a lot of fun hanging out with you guys today. Feel free to leave anything goes a little review on Apple Podcasts. Give us a little five stars. Follow us on Twitter at AG Podcast. I'd really appreciate it. And you can participate in the next advice session

and the weekly Q&A portion of the podcast. What else? I hope you guys have an amazing day. I'm an amazing week. I'll talk to you soon. I love you and care about you very much. Take care of yourself. Pick up a book.

Put your phone down. Go for a walk. Love you. Put your phone down. Go for a walk. Love you.