anything goes with emma chamberlain - advice session #13 (relationships)

Episode Date: August 26, 2021

hey guys, today we’re going to be doing an advice session completely dedicated to relationships because relationships are just my favorite thing to talk about in my personal life and on the podcast.... i’m going to be giving you relationship advice to the best of my ability considering the fact that i’m 20 and probably don’t know what i’m talking about. per usual with these, i’m just doing my best, take it or leave it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey guys, today we are going to be doing an advice session completely dedicated to relationships because relationships are just simply my favorite thing to talk about. I love talking about romance. I love it. I find it extremely interesting. It's extremely complicated and it's one of my favorite things to talk about in my personal life and on the podcast. So today we're going to be doing an entire episode dedicated to talking about relationships. I'm going to be giving you my relationship advice to the best of my ability, considering that I am 20 and I probably don't know what I'm talking about. But per usual with these, I'm just doing my best. Take it or leave it. So I asked you guys on Twitter to ask me questions
Starting point is 00:00:54 or share scenarios with me that you need advice on. The Twitter is that AG podcast if you ever want to participate in an episode. And let's just get into it. Somebody said, how do you work through a relationship once the honeymoon phase is over? This is something that I do not think is talked about enough and I've actually talked about it in an episode before but I think that it's so important that I want to talk about it again. Basically, the honeymoon phase of a relationship
Starting point is 00:01:26 is like the first four months, I would say. When everything is just perfect, you and your significant other are on your best behavior. Everything feels like a dream. All of your problems disappear when you're around them. You don't argue, you don't disagree. Everything is just gravy. It just floats like magic. And then reality hits at like the four-month mark usually. And you're like, oh fuck, okay, I need to get back to my life. Okay, do you know what, I'm gonna use a metaphor.
Starting point is 00:02:02 back to my life. Okay, do you know what? I'm gonna use a metaphor. It's almost like you're on a drug for the first four months of a relationship and you're just not fully conscious. You're like in dream world. You're high. You're high on the love that you have for this new person.
Starting point is 00:02:22 And then one day you wake up and the drug is worn off and you still love the person, but you kind of start settling back into reality. And for a lot of people, that's so jarring that they end up breaking up with their significant other because they're like, oh, there must be something wrong. Like, this doesn't have the same effect that it used to have. This relationship doesn't have the same effect on my brain that it used to have. It must be defective.
Starting point is 00:02:55 I'm going to break up with this person because it doesn't cast the same spell on me that it did in the beginning. Truth of the matter is, if you really think about it, at a certain point point being in a relationship just becomes a part of your normal day to day life and it's not really that exciting anymore. It might have exciting moments, but generally,
Starting point is 00:03:14 it's just what it is, it is what it is. It's a relationship, you're dating someone and you might get excited every once in a while about something like if you guys are going on a date or I don't know, maybe they look extra hot one day. I don't know, but you might get a every once in a while about something, like if you guys are growing on a date or I don't know, maybe they look extra hot one day, I don't know, but like you might get a little excited sometimes, but generally, it just becomes a part of your day to day life.
Starting point is 00:03:34 And it stops working as a distraction. I know in almost all my relationship experiences for the first few months, I'm like, oh my God, I'm like not even depressed. I've actually never been depressed now that I think about it. I am so happy. And then listen, at a certain point,
Starting point is 00:03:55 the depression starts seeping back in, because guess what, I can't use this person as a crutch anymore. Using your significant other as a distraction from your problems in life works for the first few months when you're in the honeymoon phase and then it stops working. And it's hard because a few difficult things happen when the honeymoon phase ends. number one, as I've said six times, you can't use your relationship as a distraction from your life anymore.
Starting point is 00:04:31 You kind of have to get back to your life. You have to get back to work, right? That's number one. Number two, your true colors start showing and their true colors start showing. I'm sorry, but if you want to put up some sort of persona in a relationship, it will only last maximum four months. I swear. And then inevitably your true colors will come out, and their true colors will come out, and it could be great, and it could make the relationship even stronger, and it could be the downfall. It just depends on how fake you are being.
Starting point is 00:05:05 Not saying that being fake in the beginning of relationship is bad, I think it's normal. I think to a certain extent, you're on your best behavior. You're trying to court someone, right? You're trying to get them to commit to you. And so subconsciously, you might be morphing yourself into a slightly better version of yourself in order to appeal to them. That's natural, but it should fade away, and it will fade away. And what's revealed can be they're really good or really bad. But regardless, that's definitely something that happens once the honeymoon phase ends. And the last thing that happens is that the excitement,
Starting point is 00:05:48 it just kind of dies down a little bit. I'm not saying it dies completely, it just dies down a little bit. You know, you're not as infatuated by the person and they become more of an extension of who you are in a weird way. I can't explain it, but it's like, instead of you looking at your significant other
Starting point is 00:06:08 as this sort of ethereal being, as you might within the first few months, you start to look at them as more of an extension of yourself and as more of a soul in a way. And that might sound so corny, but you really do start to see someone for who they truly are deep inside when you date somebody past the honeymoon stage.
Starting point is 00:06:29 And instead of being kind of like not an object, I don't know how to explain it, because that's so fucked up, not an object. But when you first start dating somebody, you are looking at them for half of who they are, but also half of what your imagination thinks that they are, right? Which kind of turns them into a character and kind of makes them feel more ethereal almost to you. But once you get past the honeymoon stage and you truly know this person through and through, they become more of a real human being and they're less of an ethereal character in your brain.
Starting point is 00:07:08 They're exactly who they are in your brain. Does that make sense? And that can kind of make you worship the person a little less, which personally, I think is a great thing, because a lot of people are like, oh, the honeymoon phase is like the best part of the relationship. Sure, but it's also the most fake.
Starting point is 00:07:32 Everybody's just trying to be as perfect as they can in the honeymoon phase. The real relationship starts when the honeymoon phase is over, when things aren't easy and blissful, when things start to get a little bit challenging, and you might be forced to grow in some areas, and they might be forced to grow in some areas, and you start to show who you truly are, and they start to show who they truly are, and you start to learn how your guys' lives meld together
Starting point is 00:08:00 or don't meld together, and it's time to break up. Like, so many realizations happen once the honeymoon phase ends. And I think the key to sticking together after the honeymoon phase is to change your perspective. And instead of looking at the end of the honeymoon phase as being disappointing and kind of boring, look at it as an accomplishment. You're starting to build an actual genuine, true relationship with somebody else that's
Starting point is 00:08:33 honest and raw and like not fabricated like it may be during the honeymoon phase. That's exciting. And there might be some disagreements, there might be some arguments, there might be some rough moments because you feel more free to be yourself once the honeymoon phase is over. But those moments not only bring you closer together long term, but also help you grow as long as the disagreements or the arguments or the rough moments are not obviously toxic. You know what I'm saying? This is obviously excluding any kind of toxic situation because that's obviously... You guys know my answer by now probably. That's obviously like run for the fucking hills. Get out and don't even look back. obviously like run for the fucking hills. Get out and don't even look back.
Starting point is 00:09:25 There's billions of fish in the sea. Please go find someone else end of story, but you go what I'm saying. Somebody said, do you think that saying I love you is something that needs a lot of thought? This is such a great question. And I really do think that it depends because I think in relationships, it's all about feel and everything is very different for each individual, right?
Starting point is 00:09:59 For some people saying I love you as a huge deal. And it does require a lot of thought. And it requires that individual to actually make the decision in their head, am I in love with this person or not? Because I'm not going to say this unless I am. And then for other people, they might throw the phrase I love you around a lot more lightly. You know, they might throw it around sooner in the relationship because they might feel like, yeah, I do love this person.
Starting point is 00:10:30 And I love them enough to say it. And so I'm gonna say it. And they might not have thought about it as much, but if they felt it, then they might have said it. And it might not be as deep for some as it is for others. And that's why it's so confusing. I would say when it comes to telling somebody that you love them, I don't think it needs
Starting point is 00:10:49 to require that much thought actually, because love is something that is so broad. You can love an animal, you could love a food, you could love a piece of clothing, you could love your family, you could love a friend, you could love a teacher, you could love a subject in school, you could love a hobby. And of course, you can also love a significant other and you probably should or else you should maybe not be in the relationship. But love is so broad, right? And there's so many different levels of love that I think that you just have to go with your gut instinct
Starting point is 00:11:26 and don't take it too seriously like if you love somebody and you know that for sure and you want them to know it, say it. And even if you kind of are doubting yourself because you're like, I know I love them but I don't know if I love them enough to say it. Trust me. If you love someone and you feel it in your heart, just say it. And I know that I'm kind of talking more broadly here and this should be specifically about relationships, but I think that this applies in all areas of life, including relationships. I think that the standard is pretty much the same. If you love anyone in general, friend, family,
Starting point is 00:12:07 animal, significant other, whatever it may be, if you love them and you want to tell them, just say it. You don't need to overthink it. Life is way too fucking short to be over thinking whether or not you should tell someone you love them. Trust me, you should. And you won't ever regret it. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. There's no instruction manual when it comes to being an adult. Sometimes I lay away at night rehashing something I said earlier that day,
Starting point is 00:12:37 or I lay in bed at night thinking about what the future holds. I know I'm not the only one going through a lot of what ifs. Like, what if I get into a fender bender? Or what if my home gets broken into? But state farm can help you with some of those big what ifs. They're available to answer your questions day or night. You can reach them 24-7, file a claim on the state farm mobile app
Starting point is 00:13:00 or simply call your agent to ask what's on your mind. Like you good neighbor, State Farm is there. Call or go to stateform.com for a quote today. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is more than a website builder. It's in all in one place to make an online space that's entirely your own. Their all-in-one platform allows you to customize everything from the fonts and color scheme to your domain name.
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Starting point is 00:13:53 your site, use the offer code Emma for 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Somebody said, hi Emma, I'm 18, almost 19, and I've never had a romantic relationship last over two months. It makes me feel like I'm the problem or like I'm never going to have a solid long-lasting relationship. Any advice? Okay. I get this because here's the thing.
Starting point is 00:14:19 Okay. I'm only 20, so I don't have a lot of room to talk here, right? But I felt this exact same way, you know? My first handful of relationships were all so fucking short, okay? None of them over six months, I would say. And it was brutal because I would like get into another relationship and be like yes. And then it would be like over before I could even blink, right? And all for good reason, the relationships were awful. But like, you know, it does make you wonder if there's something wrong with
Starting point is 00:14:58 you. I definitely wondered that. Here's what I tried to remind myself when I was in that place. And I was just feeling like an absolute relationship failure because I could not have a relationship that lasted more than what, four months. I just reminded myself that the more relationships I have that fail, right? The more I get to learn about what I need in a relationship and what type of person I want in a relationship so that as I continue searching for somebody that I can be with for a long ass time, I have a better gauge as to what I want. So I'm not just picking some random guy off the
Starting point is 00:15:42 street being like, I think this guy is good. It's like, no, I actually have a criteria based on my past failed relationships, and now I know what I'm looking for. It's impossible to know what you want before you've had a few failed experiences. Now listen, not everybody's the same in that way. Some people might find their soulmate literally one day randomly and stay with that person forever and it's exactly what they imagine their whole life and their life is perfect blah
Starting point is 00:16:11 blah blah, okay, whatever. But for most of us, we're going to have to do some trial and error. And so I think that with relationships failure is simply just a way to learn what we need to be looking for. And I also think that that applies to life in general because any kind of failure or any kind of failed situation, is always a learning experience, always. And it is easy to look at failure
Starting point is 00:16:45 as kind of like an end all be all like, oh fuck, I failed, now I'm done. It's never gonna work out for me. No, failure is just a sign that you need to change your perspective, go outside of the box, try something new, and keep trying. Like, look at a fucking scientist, right? Look at scientists and like physicists and stuff like that.
Starting point is 00:17:08 How many times do they have to fail when they're doing a science experiment before they find really useful information? And they find something that's like life changing. It takes years trial and error over and over and over again until you succeed. That's just how life works. Life is just a lot of trial and error until something sticks. And it's the same thing with relationships. So don't be hard on yourself because you will get there. You will find someone and you're also 18.
Starting point is 00:17:42 Also, 18. Like, when I was 18, I had been in one relationship that had maybe lasted four months, okay? And it was also awful. So like, keep that in mind. You know what I'm saying? And I can say that I've come a long way since then. You know, like, there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Things get better.
Starting point is 00:18:10 Somebody said, how can you tell if you have a crush on somebody or if you're just getting male validation? Wow, this is so crazy because I totally get this and I'm kind of embarrassed that I do, but also it's so incredibly human and I think it's so important to talk about. So let's kind of stretch out this question a little bit and broaden it a little bit to something that everybody can relate to. Like it's crazy how in certain periods of your, I would say generally during moments of weakness or vulnerability, we can crave attention for whatever reason. We can crave validation for whatever reason. And I think that that can get mistaken with having feelings
Starting point is 00:19:05 for someone, because if you're feeling, let's say, okay, I'll give an example. Let's say you just got out of a breakup and you are feeling like shit. You're like, I wasn't enough for my last significant other, even though that's not true, but you can feel like that at times. I'm lonely, I'm sad, I just wanna tension.
Starting point is 00:19:24 I'll take anything I can get, right? And then, you know, you get attention from somebody. And even though you might not really like them, you might convince yourself that you do just to fill that void. And can I tell you, that is so normal. And there's nothing wrong with making that mistake. Like, it's so normal. But I think that the question that you need to ask yourself
Starting point is 00:19:50 when you find yourself caught up in a situation with someone where you're having to ask yourself, do I really like this person? Or are they just giving me attention? And I need that? To be honest, I would argue that if you're asking yourself that question, the answer is probably that you just want the attention and validation because I've done this. I have done this. I have done this.
Starting point is 00:20:31 Well, basically what happened to me was that I, you know, got out of a relationship and I was so broken and my ego was just shot. Like I was just like so sad and I felt so shitty about myself and Embarrassed and myself a steam was shit and I got a little bit of attention From a guy and I just went I went and head first I was like fuck it. I don't care like This kind of feels wrong and I don't feel like I actually really really truly genuinely I'm in love with this person, but I'm just gonna do it anyway because I need this attention and I need this for myself a steam and as much as I did actually genuinely care about the person
Starting point is 00:21:20 It's not like I was like fully being an asshole and just being like, can I have attention and then like shutting them off? Like it wasn't like that. I did actually like the person, okay? But I think that I, I like them maybe 50%, but then the other 50% was the attention that I was getting. I think that that was the over art. That was the bigger factor. And I know that now in retrospect, but in the moment I didn't know, I didn't realize that I was kind of feeling avoid and whatever. And then when the relationship ended and I wasn't really too upset, that's when I realized like, oh shit, like, you know, this wasn't really coming from the heart. I was feeling avoid
Starting point is 00:22:16 and I know that that might sound so fucked up and I don't think that like, that's very nice, right? But it also wasn't my fault, because I didn't realize what I was doing. But throughout that relationship, I did ask myself that question many times. Like, am I doing this because I like them or am I doing this because I'm feeling avoid?
Starting point is 00:22:41 The truth was I was completely feeling avoid. And I was just looking for the validation. And, you know, in other relationships that I've been in where I haven't been looking for validation within them and I just was looking for a genuine, like, best friend companion, in a sense. I never found myself asking the question, am I just dating them because I like the attention ever? In relationships that have not been rooted in that, it's not even crossed my mind. So I would say that if you're having to ask the question,
Starting point is 00:23:18 the answer is probably, you just like the validation. Somebody said, I just got a girlfriend for the first time. I'm also a girl. And as incredible as she is, I feel like I won't be able to make her happy because I don't feel ready to come out and be open about our relationships and some not ready. What should I do? Well, I think for one, it's so important that you are in touch with yourself and what you're comfortable with as of right now and what you're willing to yourself and what you're comfortable with as of right now,
Starting point is 00:23:47 and what you're willing to do and what you're not willing to do, I think that that's incredibly self-aware and mature and great. And so that's an amazing first step. And I think that you need to stick to that. If you feel like you're not ready, that is okay. And like, don't be angry at yourself that you're not there yet. But when it comes to handling the situation with your girlfriend, it's simply just a conversation that needs to be had. You can tell her, listen, I am so lucky to be dating you. I'm so proud to be dating you,
Starting point is 00:24:25 but at the same time, right now I just don't think that I'm comfortable sharing our relationship with the world. Here's why I don't love you any less and I don't you to think I'm embarrassed. This is just simply what I'm comfortable with right now and you know, how do you feel about this? Like are you okay with us keeping this a little bit more private for now or you know,
Starting point is 00:24:57 is that not something you're okay with and just have an open conversation? I think that 90% of problems in relationships can be fixed simply by a conversation. And just getting on the same page, it's so much more useful than I think we realize. I think a lot of us think that we need to solve relationship-related problems on our own. But the truth of the matter is, is that a relationship has two people in it, and so both people need to work through problems together. It's as simple as that. This episode is brought to you by Instagram.
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Starting point is 00:26:34 and I'll see you there. Somebody said, have you ever been in a relationship where you liked, loved them so much, but you just couldn't see yourself marrying that person. Yeah, a thousand percent. I think that a lot of being in a relationship is about, well, okay, let me rephrase. I think that subconsciously when we're dating people, right? We're always thinking about the future, you know? We're always thinking about what it could turn into long-term. And I know for me, I always date with ideally the intention of being with someone for a really long time. And obviously
Starting point is 00:27:18 that doesn't always work out. And obviously, you know, I might even be fooling myself at times. And convincing myself that I, I might even be fooling myself at times and convincing myself that I would want to be with somebody for a long time when deep down I'm like, I actually don't think that that's true. I just want to be in a relationship right now, even though I know that this isn't going to last, but I just want to be in a relationship. I've done both, you know. But I would say that, you know, at the end of the day, you kind of have to live in the moment. And I know it's so easy to try to plan ahead. And I think we all do it, whether we want to admit it or not.
Starting point is 00:28:03 But at the end of the day, if the relationship is happy and fun in this exact moment, just enjoy it for what it is right now and take it day by day. You know what I'm saying? Because we just have no idea what tomorrow is going to look like. And so getting anxious or nervous because we can't imagine ourselves marrying the person that we're with today is just a waste of energy. And on the other hand, you might imagine yourself marrying somebody who ends up being terrible for you.
Starting point is 00:28:36 I've done that where you're like, this is, I literally know it. I'm gonna marry the, and then you don't. Okay, trust me. That's why getting too obsessed about planning the future is so bad because chances are, it's not gonna end up the way that you thought it was.
Starting point is 00:28:53 And that can be an incredible thing because let me tell you, if I would have married like the guys that I dated when I was younger, I would not be a very happy woman right now, okay? And they would probably be fucking unhappy too. It would not have been good. You know what I'm saying? It's better that things have ended up the way that they did.
Starting point is 00:29:13 Like it's, you know, like, as heartbreaking as things might have been, like at the end of the day, everything happens for a reason and you end up where you end up for a reason. and so you just kind of have to sit back a little bit and trust the universe and don't Put too much pressure on whether or not you can imagine someone in your life forever or don't stress yourself out because you can't imagine your life without them and that scares you just try to be as present as possible because your
Starting point is 00:29:48 vision of the future is just probably not even close to what it's really going to be. And chances are it might even be better. Somebody said, do you think that astrological signs matter in a relationship. I personally do not. I think that, you know, I don't know too much about astrological signs, but in general, I think that, you know, your compatibility with somebody else has so many more factors than what your astrological sign is. I just think that there are so many things that make two people compatible that like, I would say that, you know, your horoscope is pretty down low on the list of the criteria for dating, you know what I'm saying? Because at the end of the day,
Starting point is 00:30:46 everybody's so different. And as much as people might look at the personality traits of different astrological signs and think that they're accurate, and sometimes they are, I think that generally there are just too many larger factors that go into making two people compatible. And so I would say, I don't think that they matter.
Starting point is 00:31:09 But I also think that if you're somebody who's really interested in astrology, then it might make more sense for you to pay closer attention to that. But for somebody who, you know, maybe doesn't know as much about it or maybe doesn't even believe in it, I don't think that it's really that deep. I think it's just, it's very much personal preference. And I do think that there are just so many different factors that determine whether or not two people are compatible. I think that that should be the least of your worries. Somebody said, I feel like I'm never going to find the person that's right and meant for me, but I don't want going to find the person that's right and meant
Starting point is 00:31:45 for me, but I don't want to be with the ones that don't mean my standards. What am I to do? I think that the best thing that you can do is just keep an open mind and be patient because it is a blessing to have standards and to stick by them. And it's going to save you a lot of pain down the line. I can say that for sure. Being somebody who hasn't always necessarily abided by my own standards,
Starting point is 00:32:18 I can confidently say that as much as I don't have any regrets, I definitely could have gone without some of those experiences in my past where I didn't abide by my own standards. And I think that it requires a lot more patience to abide by your standards, but I think that it's worth the wait. And there are so many fucking people on this planet I can guarantee the right
Starting point is 00:32:46 opportunity will present itself when it's ready to and you just have to trust. Somebody said my boyfriend is going through a lot recently and I'm trying to be supportive but it's getting to be too much. He's been so bad at communication our whole relationship which is over a year and I've talked to him about it and he won't change. I love him, but I don't know what to do. This is so tough because I think a lot of times people don't want to bring their problems into the relationship, right?
Starting point is 00:33:17 If they're struggling with something personally, they don't want to bring it up, they don't want to share it because they don't want to burden their significant other. But the truth of the matter is is that when you're in a relationship and you as an individual are holding inside all of this pain and stress and frustration about things not relating to the relationship and you don't share that information with your significant other. It inevitably starts seeping through, right?
Starting point is 00:33:51 And your significant other will start to feel this shift in you like, oh, there's something off like what's going on. And without context or explanation or communication, resentment will grow within the person who is doing fine because they're like, are you mad at me? Are you frustrated with me? Did I do something? Why are you taking this out on me? I have no context. I have no way to understand and empathize with you because I don't know what's going on.
Starting point is 00:34:25 And then shit hits the fan. Unfortunately when you're in a relationship, well, it's not unfortunate, but in a relationship, you kind of owe it to your significant other in a way to keep them in the loop. And that can be really hard when you have a fear of burdening others. I know I have this fear. I hate the idea of burdening someone with my problems. I don't want to do that. So I'd rather just put on a smile and just keep going. You know, except for when it comes to talking to my parents, I will burden them all day and all night with my problems, but everybody else, not as much.
Starting point is 00:35:06 And I'll try to cover up when I'm struggling. And when someone loves you and knows you really well, they'll figure out that something's off pretty quickly. And the best way to keep a relationship healthy while one member is struggling and the other is not, is to have an open communication about what the struggling member, I don't know, I guess that works. To have an open communication about what the struggling member of the relationship is going through, because it gives context and understanding
Starting point is 00:35:48 so that the one struggling can get proper support from their significant other that is maybe in a better place. You know what I'm saying? Now you who asked the question is the one who is not struggling and your boyfriend is struggling. Have a conversation with him that goes a little something like this. I know that you're going through a hard time and I really want to be there for you, but I need to understand what you're going through in order to help and in order to have a better understanding so that I'm not taking your behavior personally.
Starting point is 00:36:29 If you lash out or are mean or say something rude or say something that's out of character or whatever it may be, like if you explain to me what's going on And you keep me in the loop. I'll have a better understanding as to why you're behaving the way that you are. And I'll also be able to support you much better if I have a good understanding. I feel so disconnected from you because I don't know what you're dealing with but I'm feeling the essence of it,
Starting point is 00:37:07 and it's uncomfortable for me, and it's uncomfortable for me to be around. So, as much as you feel comfortable sharing with me, I would, I just, I need it in order to be there for you, because it's impossible to be there for you, and I don't understand what's going on and in a relationship That's kind of crucial feel free to write that down on note cards and read it to your boyfriend Somebody said
Starting point is 00:37:38 For the past ten months now. I haven't felt like I've had a romantic interest Even if someone is interested in me and I really try, I can't think of myself with anyone ever again. Is it normal? How can I get out of this situation? That's just your brain telling you, hey, I'm not ready for a relationship right now, slow down. Slow the fuck down.
Starting point is 00:38:01 If you don't have any romantic interest, that's a okay. That just means that it's not the right time. Don't fight that feeling. If your gut in your intuition is telling you that right now is not the time for a relationship and you can't imagine yourself with anybody right now, obey your own wishes and just do your thing. I can guarantee that that feeling will come back naturally. You don't need to force it.
Starting point is 00:38:30 Somebody said, hi, Emma. So I'm scared of marriage. Like when you're dating with your significant other, you're young and in love. But once the relationship is permanent with each other, I'm scared that things get awkward and we won't have things to talk about, et cetera. Now, I'm not married, but I can imagine that when you decide to marry someone, this person
Starting point is 00:38:52 is ideally your best friend, but also your significant other. And think about hanging out with your best friend. Do you ever have moments where you don't have anything to talk about? Sure, but it's not weird because you're so close and comfortable with one another that moments of silence are natural and not weird. And there aren't really any more awkward moments because you just grow past that at a certain point. I think that ideally in a marriage, that's what the relationship looks like.
Starting point is 00:39:29 You know, your significant other is your best friend, but also you are close with them to a point where all of the butterflies in nervousness kind of go away and you become family almost. I think that that's kind of the goal. And I mean, it might not happen every single marriage, right? But ideally, that's kind of what happens. I think that if you shoot for that in your marriage, in the future, then you won't have anything to worry about. Somebody said, do you think that jobs in relationships
Starting point is 00:40:10 are important? So I guess this means like, your job and your significant others job. I think that it depends, but I think that when it comes to, you know, you and your significant others financial situation, it's all about understanding, you know what I'm saying? And about acceptance.
Starting point is 00:40:37 When you're dating somebody, you should love and accept them for exactly who they are. And if you can't do that, then you should date someone else, simple as that. And so if somebody makes less money than you, or they make more money than you, that should not change your opinion on them. You know what I'm saying? I think that someone's specific job doesn't matter as much as their work ethic. You know,, somebody's job is not a direct reflection of what kind of person they are. There are so many factors that go into getting a job
Starting point is 00:41:12 and keeping a job, and sometimes there are rough moments when people don't have a job, and sometimes there are moments when people have an amazing job, but it only lasts for a few months. It's such a ever changing part of a human being's life that I would say judging somebody strictly based off of their job is not good. I think that you should, you know, more look at someone's work ethic and their goals long term instead.
Starting point is 00:41:43 And I think when it comes to you and your significant other having different financial situations, you know, there's so many ways to work around that. I think that you just have to be patient and you have to want to figure out how to create balance. And it takes a little bit of effort and work. But I think that if you love somebody enough, that will almost be effortless. Like it'll almost feel effortless, you know. Anyway, you guys, thank you so much for listening.
Starting point is 00:42:16 I really love hanging out with you guys today and talking about relationships. That was very fun. I appreciate you so much for listening. And I hope that you enjoyed it. And you can leave a review and I hope that you enjoyed it and you can leave a review on Apple Podcasts if you want. Follow the Podcast Twitter at AG Podcasts if you want and you can participate in episodes in the future and I just hope that you guys have an amazing rest of your day.
Starting point is 00:42:39 I'll see you around. Bye. Bye!

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