anything goes with emma chamberlain - advice session #2

Episode Date: May 14, 2020

Emma’s back with another advice session with issues we can all relate to! Topics like how to move on from an ex, workout routines and tips on eating healthy, believing in yourself when others may no...t, ways to stay close with people during quarantine, and so many more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi everybody. Welcome to anything goes with me. I'm Emma Chamberlain. I never say my own last name. It's weird. Okay, it's weird because everybody pronounces my last name differently. I've heard every pronunciation in the book and I don't even know what the what the fuck what did I just say? I combined correct and proper. I tried to combine correct and proper and then it made a new word. I'm stuttering today, I cannot speak for some reason. Maybe because I woke up at 8 a.m.,
Starting point is 00:00:35 and that's just like really, really weird for me. I woke up before my alarm, and so I'm just a mess. But what I was saying was, I don't know how my last name is pronounced and everybody pronounces it differently. I say Chamberlain. I've heard Chamberlain I don't even know how some people say it. There's this one Way that people say it and I don't know how to say it like them because I've just in so conditioned to say Chamberlain It's like
Starting point is 00:01:04 Chamber it's like Emma Chamberlain. I don't know how to explain it. I don't know how to explain it. It's not important. But maybe they're right, number wrong, or maybe we're all wrong, and it's like Chamberlain, or something. Anyway, that was stupid. I hate that I started out that episode like that. I don't really know what got into me. But today we're gonna be doing advice session part two. I was gonna save like doing another advice session for later, like maybe spread them out a little bit more because I just did one about a month ago. But I really enjoyed doing them
Starting point is 00:01:38 and I feel like the topics that I'm gonna talk about in each one are gonna be really different. So fuck it. So we're here, we're doing another one. For those of you who don't know what advice session is, it's basically where I go on the Twitter at AG Podcast, and I have you guys submit some things that you need advice on, and then I give you guys advice,
Starting point is 00:01:57 and I kind of just hope that this will resonate with more people than just the person who asked for the advice, if that makes sense, because we kind of all be living the same life sometimes and so I don't know I think that one person's topic one person's area of weakness or needing help I Bet other people have that same problem. So before we get into advice, I kind of wanted to talk about how I've been doing. Let's turn this around, make it about me. I've been doing pretty good.
Starting point is 00:02:41 My skin looks really good today for some reason. I'm having a good skin day. I'm not going to put on a drop of makeup because this never happens. Gonna just fucking enjoy it while it lasts. I don't remember the last day I had. I don't remember the last time I had a good skin day. So I'm really fucking with that.
Starting point is 00:02:58 It's crazy how much your skin affects how you feel about yourself. Like when I'm breaking out, I just wanna fucking hide my room. But for once, my skin looks good, so I'm just going to enjoy it. On another note, I tweeted the other day that I've been doing too much self-reflection.
Starting point is 00:03:13 And if I do one more moment of self-reflection, I'm going to lose my mind and that's very true. I've had so much time to self-reflect recently, like so much. And it's like, it's so overwhelming. Like I'm so overwhelmed. I just want relief from my own mind. Like I don't wanna fucking think about myself anymore.
Starting point is 00:03:34 It's good to self-reflect, and I know that, but too much is too much. Like I literally cannot think about myself for another second. I don't wanna think about me anymore. I wanna think about others. I wanna think about other things.'t wanna think about me anymore. I wanna think about others, I wanna think about other things. I wanna think about stupid shit. I'm done like thinking about myself
Starting point is 00:03:52 and what type of person I am. Like, I've just spent so much time thinking about me and like who I am and who I've become. And I think it's a good thing, but I think it gets to a point where it's just you're beating a dead horse. I'm beating a dead horse thinking about myself. I actually have run out, but I've also run out of thoughts in general.
Starting point is 00:04:12 I feel like I've thought about everything there is to think about. Talked about everything there is to talk about. I'm literally spent. Like I don't have any more things left in my brain. I've literally used it all up. So anyways, I don't know what I'm gonna do about that. I think that once this is all over and we all are gonna get back to our shit,
Starting point is 00:04:37 like it's gonna be a lot easier to have things to talk about, but I just feel like I've literally run out of things to talk about, but I just feel like I've literally run out of things to talk about. Or think about. So, I'm excited to return to normal life so that I can kind of like have a normal thought process again and not be spending like 50% of my day, more like 90% of my day, like trying to analyze my entire existence. Anyways, so that's what I've been doing. It's been making me a little bit uninspired
Starting point is 00:05:07 in some ways, which is a drag, but we're gonna get through it and you guys don't wanna hear about this. So let's get into advice. Again, at AG Podcast on Twitter, if you guys wanna ask questions or ask for advice, I'm here. This is like my favorite thing ever to do and I hope that you guys like this kind of series that I have going on. If you like
Starting point is 00:05:31 it let me know and if you hate it let me know but I'll still probably do it anyway. Let's get into it. First thing somebody said I'm having a hard time with missing people during quarantine. I haven't seen my boyfriend since the middle of March and it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do FaceTime is not the same. Do you have any tips and how are you coping with missing people who you haven't been able to see? I totally get this because you know Even though you can't I mean obviously the advice that I feel like most people would give would be like Just his time them like more or something, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:06:08 Face time is not the same. I actually hate FaceTime personally, like really hate it. I feel like it's so awkward. There's something awkward about it. I can't put a finger on it. Unless it's with somebody that you're super close with, I just feel like FaceTime's just kind of uncomfortable. And I totally understand.
Starting point is 00:06:26 I totally understand how you're feeling. And to be honest, I feel like it's one of those things where it's kind of out of your control, you know what I mean? There's nothing that you can do. It's not like you can just fucking turn on a switch and like it's over and you don't feel it anymore. It's not like there's one thing you can do to like stop missing people.
Starting point is 00:06:48 It's just always going to be there. But I think that something that helps me is when I'm kind of sitting by myself and I'm missing somebody, I like to kind of envision like what I would want to do with that person when I see them. Like, for example, I miss my dad, because I just saw my mom, she visited, helped me move, but I haven't seen my dad in three months or so,
Starting point is 00:07:13 and I miss him a lot. And so if I'm really missing him and it's kinda making me upset or anxious, I'll just picture what I would wanna do with him. Like, my dad serves, so I envision my dad with him. Like, I, you know, my dad serves. So like, I envision my dad taking me to serve in my head, and I kind of just picture it. And it makes me feel better,
Starting point is 00:07:33 even though it's like not really being with him. Like, imagining me surfing with him, like, makes me feel really good. And even though it's not like a real experience, it kind of can make you feel like more connected with them in a sense. I can't explain it. That might not work for everybody, but I think communicating with them as much as possible and just kind of manifesting slash envisioning being with that person, I think that that really
Starting point is 00:07:59 helps. And instead of being sad about it, just get excited about how good it's going to feel when you get to see them Because there's nothing you can do. You know what I mean? So the best thing you can do is try to Make it kind of positive in your head by getting excited rather than being sad. I know that that's Easier said than done, but try that out. Let me know if it works Moving on Another person said advice on pursuing your dreams,
Starting point is 00:08:26 even though people don't show support or don't approve of it. Please give advice on this question. I really need it because I want to become an actress, but nobody believes or approves of it. You know, I have a conspiracy. I have a little conspiracy on this. And I think it's that when people don't support you in your dream, I think that that's like the greatest gift. And I know that that might seem weird, but I'll explain. I think it's the greatest gift to your passion when you have some doubters because number
Starting point is 00:09:06 one, it gives you somebody to prove wrong. Number two, it forces you to do it by yourself. And number three, it forces you to decide whether or not it's truly your passion. Because if it's not truly your passion, the doubters will shut you down immediately, and then you just don't even try, because you're like, eh, I'm not passionate enough about this to like push through that. Same thing with like the other things I just said.
Starting point is 00:09:35 If something's truly your passion and you really, truly wanna do it, you can do it all by yourself. You don't need anyone else, okay? And that's tough though. It's tough when you don't have people standing there telling you that you can do this and telling you that everything's gonna be okay
Starting point is 00:09:55 and telling you that it's not stupid, whatever, like that does help, but I think that when people are doubting you, it forces you to find that within yourself which is an amazing thing that will give you longevity in whatever your passion is. If you can get through the part
Starting point is 00:10:10 where everybody doesn't believe in you, then you can fucking do anything, because that is the hardest part. Don't listen to anybody else. Don't talk about, okay, I've always seen this on, I think I saw a tweet about this once. It was something like, don't talk about, okay, I've always seen this on, I think I saw a tweet about this once. It was something like, don't talk about it
Starting point is 00:10:30 until you've done it. And I kind of believe in that in a sense because I feel like sometimes talking about your dreams and shit like that, it can kind of discourage you in a sense because people's reactions might not be what you want. Go get that shit on your own. You know what I mean? Go do that shit by yourself. If you have a few people in your life that like support you and believe in you and are in our positive uplifting people,
Starting point is 00:10:54 share that with them, but with everybody else, stay silent about it, get to work, start working on that shit. And then once, you know, once you have something to work with, then you show them and be like, look, look what I did. I did it, so fuck you. And then that's that. Find that passion within yourself and find that drive within yourself and everything else will come.
Starting point is 00:11:18 Baby, moving on. Next, advice on talking to slash having a thing with slash dating a guy. That was crazy. But I know exactly what you meant by that. Anyways, advice on talking to slash having a thing with slash dating a guy who lives in a different state that you met on Tinder. Is it reasonable? How do you stop having feelings for somebody if you know that you're already into deep? Well number one, you didn't specify whether or not you've met them
Starting point is 00:11:50 So I'm gonna assume that you haven't Or I'll assume that you have I mean I guess I could just do both You know if you really truly have a connection with this person and you feel like you and them get along really well And you feel like the feeling is mutual and you feel like they're a good person run with it like let yourself have fun the worst thing that could happen is that you're gonna get heartbroken and heartbreak is a fucking motivator i always every time what like heartbreak makes you do bad ass shit like for some reason like i feel like every time i've, like, heartbreak makes you do bad ass shit. Like, for some reason, like, I feel like every time I've been heartbroken,
Starting point is 00:12:27 I've been like, I've turned around and been like, fuck it. I'm gonna do something cool, and I like, create something cool. So that's the worst that could happen is that you get heartbroken, and then you fucking find somebody else. Enjoy this time.
Starting point is 00:12:43 Like, even though you met them on Tinder, that's what the fucking internet is for. Like, I always used to be really anti-meeting people online. I was like, no, I want to meet somebody in real life and have a genuine connection. The whole point of the internet, like, it's crazy how now we're not can find, like we're not can, like, I don't know if that's the right word,
Starting point is 00:13:00 but we're not like can find where we live in shit. Like, we can meet anybody we want. You know what I mean? Anybody. So like enjoy that. Enjoy the fact that like there's no limits to who we meet and who we click with. The chances of us finding an actual like person that is truly really good for us with the internet is a lot higher.
Starting point is 00:13:23 So like run with it. Enjoy it. Make sure that you've met him in person or her in person, make sure that you've like established that real life connection because it's really easy to connect with somebody over the phone and then when you meet them it's not the same. So make sure that you're, you know, that you meet this person or you're calling this person.
Starting point is 00:13:39 I mean obviously there's a lot more to it, like physical chemistry, you never know if that's gonna be there over the phone because that's something that's literally out of your control. Although I feel like usually it works but like sometimes it doesn't and you know you deal with that when it happens but meet them, enjoy it and the worst case scenario still isn't even that bad. You just have a little heartbreak and then you move on. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is more than a website builder.
Starting point is 00:14:08 It's in all in one place to make an online space that's entirely your own. Their all-in-one platform allows you to customize everything from the fonts and color scheme to your domain name. All you have to do is choose from one of their beautifully designed templates as a starting off point. Then, add whatever you need to show off your ideas to get your side hustle on. You've got all the tools you need to sell products, schedule appointments, and send email campaigns to your mailing list. Plus, everything is optimized for mobile, so it looks just as good on a phone as it does on a desktop. Check out squarespace.com for more features and inspiration and when you're ready to build your site. Use the offer code Emma for 10% off your first purchase
Starting point is 00:14:51 of a website or a domain. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. There's no instruction manual when it comes to being an adult. Sometimes I lay away at night rehashing something I said earlier that day or I lay in bed at night thinking about what the future holds. I know I'm not the only one going through a lot of what ifs. Like what if I get into a fender bender?
Starting point is 00:15:13 Or what if my home gets broken into? But state farm can help you with some of those big what ifs. They're available to answer your questions day or night. You can reach them 24-7 file a claim on the State Farm mobile app or simply call your agent to ask what's on your mind. Like you good neighbor, State Farm is there. Call or go to statefarm.com for a quote today. Next, what's your advice for getting over somebody? I've been struggling with this guy who I've known for almost two years and it's always been
Starting point is 00:15:44 super on and off But I'm finally starting to accept that it'll never work. How can I stop thinking about the past slash good memories? So much and start moving on this podcast is so much fun and so helpful. I hope you're doing well. I love you. That's so sweet I love you too. I also hope you're doing well care about you a lot. Let's get into it. Oh This is the fucking worst. I don't know if I've ever talked about this. I think I have, but I think the way that you worded it was really specific. And like, I want to speak on this specifically because I totally get it. And it's always the thing that you need to remember is that the memories, your brain cleans up memories.
Starting point is 00:16:19 Your brain cleans up memories, at least my brain does. It cleans up memories. Your brain cleans up memories, at least my brain does. It cleans up memories and makes it seem so, it romanticizes the moment. Like I can guarantee that the memories you had with this person were not as great as you remember. You remember it as being this magical moment, but if you really think about it, there is probably 50 things going wrong
Starting point is 00:16:46 during it. That you just like blocked out of your memory. I remember things as being a dream. Everything I remember, I remember it being so amazing. But then when I actually think about it, and when I was actually in the moment, it was shit. Okay, but when you're in this spot where you're like still kind of in love with them or whatever. And you're remembering all the memories. Your brain is remembering it in the most beautiful way possible, which is so shitty. And I totally get it. But you just have to remind yourself, this is not the truth. Like these memories weren't that great for one.
Starting point is 00:17:20 And for two, I'm going to make even better memories with somebody new. Let me tell you, it's possible. I didn't think it was. I've had so many memories with so many different people that I thought, like, oh my God, I'm never gonna be able to make memories like this with somebody else. Let me tell you, if they're not meant to be in your life
Starting point is 00:17:38 and you still were able to make good memories with them, imagine the memories you're gonna make with somebody who's good for you and who isn't putting you through the ringer making it on and off on and off on and off. Imagine how beautiful those memories are gonna be. They're gonna be even better. It's really, really tough in the moment and I totally fucking get it. I like, it sucks.
Starting point is 00:17:59 And don't stop yourself from remembering them. Don't shut your brain off. Just be aware that you might be romanticizing the memories a little bit. But still don't push them out of your head, work through it, let it pass, and then move on. The worst thing you can do is like, shut your brain down and be like,
Starting point is 00:18:16 no, I can't think about that. I can't think about that. Let yourself think about it. But also be rational about the fact that it, that you might be remembering it a little bit in a way that's a little bit better than it probably was. And then move on. You're going to make memories with somebody new that's actually healthy for you and you're
Starting point is 00:18:40 going to be okay. And let me tell you, when you do make memories with that new person, it's gonna feel 50 times better because you didn't believe it was possible and then when it is possible, it's one of the best feelings ever because, you know, you proved yourself wrong and it takes time to get to a place where you're making those new memories with somebody new. It's not like that happens overnight. It could take years. It could take months.
Starting point is 00:19:03 It was purged. But when you do make those memories, it's going to be really, really a beautiful thing. So moving on, somebody asked me for a good workout routine, a little bit more of a less deep question, which I think we need sometimes over here. You know, obviously, I feel like for a workout routine, it's all about finding your thing. That's the problem is that it's always different for everybody, and I personally go through phases. I feel like I'm gonna keep this broad
Starting point is 00:19:38 because I feel like everything's so different. I feel like making sure that you get in a little bit of cardio and a little bit of cardio and a little bit of like either body weight training or weight training, doing a little bit of both, being balanced about it, that's the most important thing. Like, let's say you want to work out four times a week. I would say doing like, and I'm not a fucking expert, I don't know what I'm talking about, but this is just what I enjoy to do because I feel like it's not impossible, but it makes me feel
Starting point is 00:20:07 good. Doing like maybe 20 minutes of cardio, maybe an hour, who knows, but I don't like doing an hour cardio ever. I usually don't surpass 45 minutes of cardio. That's where I cap, I'm out, just because I'm not huge into cardio, but it is important and it doesn't need to be anything crazy. You could go for a fucking hike, go for a walk, you could jump rope, run, cycle. I like all of those. Actually, I don't really like hiking, to be honest. Pists is me off, but I do like jump rope
Starting point is 00:20:39 and I do like cycling. And occasionally I'll enjoy a nice jog. Recently I've been doing some jogs at around 6.30 pm outside because it's like the best time of day. It's like not super bright, but like still light out. It's like the light is super soft and comfortable in your eyes and the weather is nice. And so I've been running at that hour
Starting point is 00:21:01 and it's really, really great. And I actually call my mom or my dad when I'm running. So I talk to them while I'm jogging and I found that that's really helps because I'm not all caught up in my own head. I'm like talking to somebody else and I'll run for like 20 minutes, 30 minutes and just a nice light jog, nothing crazy.
Starting point is 00:21:20 And then I'll come home and do a little workout for target one area. Maybe it's like a little ab workout, maybe a little arm it's like a little ab workout, maybe a little arm workout, maybe a little back workout, maybe a little leg workout, maybe a little butt workout. And then I call it a day and I shower and then I get in bed and I feel great. So it's all about working through,
Starting point is 00:21:36 trying to figure out what makes sense for you and what feels good. It's not about like going really hard and going really crazy. It's about getting a little sweat in and enjoying yourself because working out can be so enjoyable. And I think people put themselves through hell trying to like do these crazy workout plans
Starting point is 00:21:52 that like don't work for them and are not enjoyable and just suck ass. Do something that you enjoy. That's what it's all about. Now we're going right, well now we're full 180ing and we're going very deep. Somebody said, a topic I'd love for you to talk about is the afterlife, like what happens when you die and all of that.
Starting point is 00:22:11 I was having a fucking existential crisis about this yesterday and I'd love to hear your take on it. This is something interesting. You know, it is kind of a sensitive topic and I get that because it's very like, there's a lot of different beliefs around it and like some of it is religious and some of it is just belief in general. I have maybe a different approach to all of it than maybe most. I didn't grow up religious, so I'm not like a religious person, so I don't know much about that.
Starting point is 00:22:47 And so I've kind of come up with my own assumption, I guess, just so I can sleep at night. I think the way that I don't freak out about it is that I've kind of just come to terms with the fact that I don't know and that nobody knows for sure and that nobody will ever know until it happens to them. And that that's okay. Like, I have some ideas about what I think happens. I mean, part of me thinks that it just goes black and it just ends.
Starting point is 00:23:28 And you know, your soul leaves your body and it goes into the universe and then what happens next is something that I can't understand. Part of me, you know, there's even the whole, you know, having in health theory, that could be real. Anything could be real. I don't know. I don't know. I have no idea. And I'm okay with that. Like I've come to terms with the fact that I don't know what's going to happen when I die, but I've found the peace in knowing that it's going to
Starting point is 00:23:56 be okay. It's going to be okay, no matter what. It's a part of all of this, and it sucks, and I hate thinking about it. I think that living in the moment, it's not a bad thing to not think about death. I try my best to not think about what it's going to be like when I die, because that takes away from me enjoying living on this planet So what's the point of that? I mean obviously sometimes these things come into our heads and we have to you know address them in a sense but I Try my best to just not think about it too much and not to freak out about it because I just don't really see a scenario
Starting point is 00:24:42 Where it's gonna be that bad. I think it's going to be okay. But we won't know until it happens. We'll never know. And so finding peace in that is huge. Somebody said, do you have any advice on how to tell your parents that you need help with your mental health? I know you had to tell your parents that you needed to quit school because of depression and that that must have been so hard to open up to your parents like that. I was just wondering if you had any advice on how to be more open or talk to your parents about mental health without feeling ashamed or embarrassed. Well, for one, I know that when you're struggling with mental health, you know, at least in my experience, it makes you feel like a burden and it makes you feel like It makes you feel like a burden and it makes you feel like your feelings and thoughts are not valid and like
Starting point is 00:25:31 That's I think why it's so hard to open up when you're in that spot Which is totally counterproductive because that's exactly when you need to be opening up the most is when you're struggling I Think that you Need I mean the thing is you can get creative with it You could literally get creative with it. As long as you're able to communicate with them in some way, it doesn't matter. Literally I just thought about this. And I wish I would have thought about this when I was younger.
Starting point is 00:25:55 I wish I could have written it all down, like written almost like a letter in a sense, like kind of like a, like almost like a journal entry, talking about how I feel in a safe environment by myself, and then just give it to my parents and been like, read this, and then gone back into my room and waited for them, they read it on their own, and then they can come back in and then they can talk about it. That's kind of a really, that's, I don't know, I don't know if that would work, but if you're really, really struggling with, I feel like the scariest thing is bringing it up. And I feel like if you can bring it up in a less confrontational way to start, that could
Starting point is 00:26:37 really help. You know what I mean? So, you don't have to say the words. You wrote down the words. It's like, you don't have to say them. Because sometimes that's not possible, but you need the help. So getting creative with that, I mean, there's no limit like doing that. But if you really, but if, and then, well, that will create a conversation though. But then it's like, they already understand so then you can just
Starting point is 00:26:57 conversation. And you don't have to worry about explaining yourself. It's like you can just get straight to the meat of it and just start talking about how you're going to work through it and all of that. But I also think that you need to remember that this is nothing to be ashamed of. What you're struggling with is making you believe that your thoughts and feelings aren't valid, but that's not the truth. And if you can talk yourself out of that and just gain a little bit of courage in that one moment to bring it up, it will be so helpful. And I believe in you, and you can do this. And I love you. All right, moving on.
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Starting point is 00:28:52 Buy a stick of Liquid IV at a store near you or head to liquidiv.com and use the code anything for 20% off your order. That's liquidiv.com with the code anything. Tap the banner or visit this episode's page to learn more. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. You know when you get so caught up in what everyone else needs that you totally forget to take care of yourself? I mean, it happens to me all the time. And there's nothing wrong with taking care of other people, but it only becomes an issue when you neglect yourself in the process.
Starting point is 00:29:24 Spending all of our time giving can make us feel burnt out and resentful, which is why it's so important to have a space where you can talk through problems, reframe thoughts, and prioritize your well-being, like therapy. Therapy can give you the tools to create more balance in your life, so you can keep supporting others without abandoning yourself. Therapy can help you when you supporting others without abandoning yourself. Therapy can help you when you're struggling with a specific problem. Therapists can help you develop tools that make getting through challenges easier.
Starting point is 00:29:56 But also therapists are there to just generally help your well-being and help you develop tools that help you get through day-to-day life in general. It's not just for people who are going through a major trauma. It's something that can be useful for anyone. If you're thinking about starting therapy, give better help with try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist
Starting point is 00:30:28 in switch therapists any time for no additional charge. To get started, visit betterhelp.com slash anything today to get 10% off your first month. That's better, help.com slash anything. All right, somebody said, a little bit ago I lost one of the best friendships I've ever had because of a mistake I made. I've realized it now and I know I need to make things right with this person but I'm just not sure how. I also don't want her to reject my apology but I also need to know I also need
Starting point is 00:30:59 her to know that I still care., communication is everything. If you can go to a person and say, listen, I fucked up, I made a huge mistake. This is where I fucked up. This is how I plan on changing moving forward. And I'm really sorry and I understand if you don't wanna be my friend anymore, I get it. But I really want you in my life and I have learned from this immensely. And I don't want to live a
Starting point is 00:31:34 life without you in it. I really, really want you in my life. And I am so angry at myself and I'm so sorry. And I'm okay if it takes some time but I'm always here for you and I love you and I care about you and that's that. If you say something like that, I can promise you, I, if you truly did learn from your mistake, I really, really think that anything can be worked out. There's certain things that can't,
Starting point is 00:32:06 I don't even have an example, but it's like some things you just can't work through. It usually it has to do with somebody being really stubborn. Like if somebody's really stubborn and like can't see your point of view or whatever, that's when I would say that like, you just can't, like let's say you made a mistake and then you didn't recognize that you made a mistake
Starting point is 00:32:28 and you just, we're like, hey, can we just be friends again? And you didn't recognize how you fucked up. I would see how that's like kind of, that couldn't work, but you recognize your mistake and you're ready to move on and move forward. Because of that, I think that you have a really good chance of being friends with this person,
Starting point is 00:32:47 but the only way that they're gonna know that you learned and that you changed, that you aren't gonna do that again, is by you telling them that, and you also expressing your love and care for that person. And, you know, just reminding them that everybody makes mistakes and that like, you learned from yours and like, you want them in your life. And I think that that, that's really going to work out. I think communication is just, it's underrated.
Starting point is 00:33:17 Somebody asked, how to cut toxic people out permanently. I always go back to them for some reason because I believe they change, but they always prove me wrong. Oh my god, I do this. I also do this. It's so tough. It's so tough, because I always give people the benefit of the doubt, and I'll give it to them infinite times. But it's true. A lot of people don't ever change, and a lot of people are just good at saying that they're going to change or good at convincing themselves that they're going to change, lot of people don't ever change. And a lot of people are just good at saying that they're gonna change, or good at convincing themselves that they're gonna change and then they don't. When somebody's toxic, I think, I don't know if this is good advice,
Starting point is 00:33:53 but you kinda have to go all or nothing, right? Like, you can't be half and half out. You need to cut this person off for good. Like, don't text them and check in on them. Don't ask them to hang out once a month. Cut it permanently. Like just never speak to them again. Like I know that that sounds obvious, but it's not obvious. People don't realize like sometimes you just have to do that for yourself. Just cut them off.
Starting point is 00:34:27 Cold turkey. And then if they're like, dude, what the fuck? Why are you just cutting me off? I feel like this friendship is not healthy for me right now and I need time. And then just take your time without them. And it's okay to cut people off like that. There's nothing wrong with that. But it's kind of it, but it kind of has to be,
Starting point is 00:34:50 or nothing else, it doesn't stick. Because then you hang out and then you're like, oh my god, wait, they were actually really fun today. Well, yeah, it's easy for somebody to be fun, like once in a while. But then once you guys become really close again, the toxicness comes out and then you regret it and then it's like fucking all over again
Starting point is 00:35:06 So it's all or nothing, you know? Somebody said how do you learn not to care about what people think of you? I struggle with this, but I feel like recently I've been doing a lot better about not caring about what people think and I think mainly what it is is Low-key like fucking with myself, being like thinking that I'm thinking that you are cool, like being like looking in the mirror and being like, I fuck with that bitch. Like I really like her. Like I actually think she's cool.
Starting point is 00:35:38 I think she's a good person. Like genuinely like thinking that you are cool yourself and like feeling confident about that you are cool yourself and like feeling confident about Who you are? Because and I know that that's really obvious, but it's like That's truly what it is. I don't care about what other people think of me when I'm proud of what I'm doing or I I'm proud of like who I am. I
Starting point is 00:36:03 Don't care about what other people think. I don't care. Boys think. I don't care about what other people think. I don't care if boys think, I don't care what the internet thinks, I don't care what my friends think about shit. If I'm confident myself, then it's kind of like my brain is like, okay, well, they're either going to get it and they're going to like me or they're not. And I don't care because if they don't like me or they don't fuck with me,
Starting point is 00:36:29 then it kind of becomes their loss. Like when you believe that like you're a dope person and if people don't get it, that's their loss, it's kind of narcissistic and cocky, but like that's how you start to not care. That doesn't mean that you're blind to other people and how they feel about you. Whatever. If somebody was like, hey, what you said to me was mean.
Starting point is 00:36:56 Just because you're confident doesn't mean you're going to be like, well, that's your loss then. Goodbye. That's not what I'm talking about. It's more like with creative things or with like, you know, how you look and how you dress and whatever, like, that's more what I'm speaking of. Somebody said, how to stop social media comparisons in your head. Take a break. Take a break from social media and live in the real world for like two days
Starting point is 00:37:24 and just don't go on Instagram. When you take a break from social media, live in the real world for like two days and just don't go on Instagram. When you take a break from social media, the bubble gets popped because when you're forced to kind of live in the real world again for like a few days or even a few hours and then you go back on your phone, you're kind of like, oh wait, there's like an actual real world out there. It's not real. This is fake. Obviously 90% of the shit on the internet is fake.
Starting point is 00:37:50 99% of it more like is fake. The keys are just to stay grounded in the real world. And then you won't, you'll see through it. You'll see right through it when you see it instead of being like, oh my God, you know, she looks, I think the problem is is that when you spend too much time on social media, it starts to like convince your brain that everything is like real and that like all of it matters.
Starting point is 00:38:15 I don't know why that is, but that's the effect it has on me. And so when I take a break and then go back to it, it kind of like sheds the light on the situation a little bit. None of it fucking matters. What matters is like the real life experience that you have, like the real life experiences that you have. That's it. Next question.
Starting point is 00:38:40 Somebody said, peer pressure. Have you ever given to peer pressure? How do I avoid giving into friends who try to peer pressure me into doing something that I don't necessarily want to do? I'm going back to high school in my mind right now because I haven't really felt peer pressured within the past few years. Luckily, I've kind of decided to like,
Starting point is 00:39:07 I don't know, I just think I grew out of that pretty quickly. Luckily, I don't know why or how, but I did. But in high school, I definitely felt peer pressure for sure, because everybody does. I mean, even now people try to peer pressure you, you know? And it's not even like they, I don't think people even mean to do it, you know? I think that it's more just like,
Starting point is 00:39:27 people like to feel company and what they're doing. And so like, you know, when you say, no, I don't wanna do that, it makes them question whether or not they should be doing it and that makes them feel bad about themselves. And so, here's what you do. You take like a, you take kind of like a lighter approach. Let's say you're at a party and somebody wants you
Starting point is 00:39:49 to drink alcohol, right? But you don't want to. You're not into alcohol. You're not old enough, whatever the reason may be. You don't want to, okay? Go about it in a way where you're like, oh no, I'm totally like, take it lightly. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:40:09 It doesn't need to be like, I think that that's the way it's best received is when you just kind of are chill about it. You're like, oh no, I'm totally good. No need, I'm doing great, whatever. And then they're like, yeah, but dude, you're not gonna have fun if you're not drunk with us. Whoa, it's crazy out here. Come on
Starting point is 00:40:27 Have a drink, you know what I mean? And then this is where you say Honestly, I have more fun when I'm sober, but I really appreciate it and like Do your thing feel free to do your thing, but I'm good over here. I'm happy sober. Don't worry about me I'm gonna be just as fun. Don't worry about me. I'm gonna be just as fun. Don't worry about it. Enjoy yourself. And just kind of like put it back on them. Be like, hey, don't worry about me.
Starting point is 00:40:52 I'm good. I don't need to, I'm not interested, but like enjoy it though. You go for it. Have fun. Whatever. You know what I mean? It's like making them feel comfortable
Starting point is 00:41:02 in the sense of being like, hey, that's all you, you got this. Like, you know what I mean? And then you being like, but I'm good. I feel like that's the best way to go about it. And if they just keep like fucking pestering you about it, you just keep saying no. Like you just keep being like, ah, no, I'm good. Like I'm good, like don't worry about me.
Starting point is 00:41:23 Like, you know, keep making jokes about me. Keep making jokes about it. Make a joke about it. I feel like in awkward situations, just make a joke. Because then it's just like, what are they gonna do? You know what I mean? You'll be okay. I think I've been pure pressured before, not even heavily, but it was more of just
Starting point is 00:41:42 because I wanted to fit in. And it makes you feel bad about yourself in a sense because you're like, it when you kind of give in to something and you don't listen to yourself and you listen to somebody else, it's really, it can kind of fuck with your self-esteem. And so being strong and not doing something you don't want to do is like the best thing you could do for your own self-esteem and your own well-being. So somebody said advice on eating healthy. I think doing research about what eating healthy means
Starting point is 00:42:18 from reliable sources that are not like weird fucking, go to the facts, go to the facts and you know research it. How do you feed your body the best? You know what I mean? Do that research, find that out, and then do it. I think that educating yourself on healthy eating is like the best thing you could do because there's so much false information and there's so many things that are said and I think that the true best way to eat healthy
Starting point is 00:42:50 is to educate yourself on it and then to do it. When it comes to habits that help, I would just say what you have in your house determines what you eat, right? So obviously it's okay to treat yourself, have things around that are fun and that you enjoy, but have a lot of healthy foods in your house as well so that you at least have the option to reach for something healthy. I think when the healthy options aren't there, that's when you don't eat healthy. You know what I mean? It's like create healthy options at your house that are good for snacking that like you enjoy. Find healthy snacks that you enjoy. Replace your unhealthy snacks with healthier versions. Like I have I buy these these like chickpea puffs that have
Starting point is 00:43:41 like white cheddar on them and they're so good, they remind me of Pirates booty, if y'all remember that, Pirates booty is so good. And it's just better because it's made with chickpeas, so it has more fiber in it, and it has protein in it, and it's just better for you, and they taste amazing. So it's about like replacing things that,
Starting point is 00:44:01 you know, there's so many replacements out there. Do a little bit of food swapping, you know? Like with pasta, I eat chick saying things that, you know, there's so many replacements out there. Do a little bit of food swapping, you know. Like with pasta, I eat chickpea pasta, I don't know, my whole diet is fucking chickpeas. But like instead of eating regular pasta, I eat chickpea pasta because there's more nutritional value in that, more protein, more fiber, you know, more nutrients in general.
Starting point is 00:44:23 And so I'll choose to eat that instead of regular pasta when I cook pasta for myself. And it tastes fucking great. It tastes great. It tastes like, I love it. It tastes like almost better than regular pasta. In regular pasta, it's totally fine. It's just about like, you know, you can swap things out.
Starting point is 00:44:41 There's like easy swaps that you can do that just are more nutritious for your body and whatever. But doing the research is huge. So do research and educate yourself on it all. It's 11-11 right now and I want to make a wish. Okay, I made a wish. Never going to tell anybody what it was. Somebody said one of my friends has been talking to me less since they've gotten a significant other and I told them how I feel but they said that quarantine is getting to them so that's why. Give this person their space, focus on you and wait for them to come back around.
Starting point is 00:45:18 They will. When people get into relationships, I mean, even everybody, this is everybody. It's just fucking standard life. When you're like newly in love with somebody, especially when you're younger, I think you can just kind of fall fucking straight into it and stop caring about everybody else because I think that you're scared that it's gonna go away in a sense, which is not true.
Starting point is 00:45:41 And I think that like, you know, you learn that over time. Let them go through this. They're going to need you eventually. They're just all wrapped up in this right now. Don't take it personally. It's not personal. They'll come back around, just give them some time, focus on you, give them space. Remember, it's not your fault. And they'll come back around. This is very normal for like when you have a friend that newly gets into a relationship in your single, it's tough because you know, they have that person that they're dating and you have them, but when they're not there, it fucking sucks. So take this time to be there for yourself. Okay, last question.
Starting point is 00:46:24 Would you recommend going on vacation with a significant other? This is my last question because I just think it's kind of random and funny. If you've been dating them for a long time, like, six months plus, fuck it. You're probably ready. If you spent a lot of time with this person, definitely. If you feel like you're really close with this person and it's like really, and you trust them and you feel like they're like, you have a good time with them and you feel like
Starting point is 00:46:53 you can spend a lot of time with them and it's healthy, then yes, I would say I think traveling with your significant other can be an amazing bonding experience. I think it's actually really important to have those experiences with somebody that you're dating because it kind of takes things to the next level because you kind of traveling and experiences and stuff like that. It's all such a growing experience and I think it's really nice to have those experiences with a significant other so that you guys can kind of not only make those memories together but learn how you work together Because you have to, it's like traveling is not easy. Like you have to, it's tough. So like, if you can get through all that together
Starting point is 00:47:31 and not wanna kill each other by the end, then that's a really beautiful thing. So I would say travel with your significant other, if it feels right, maybe wait until you guys are really close first and you feel like you have a great foundation built and then do it, or just fucking go on a, I just farted and I can't tell if you heard it. So I'm just gonna act like it didn't happen. Anyway, I say do it. I say do it. Um, maybe even just go on one day with them and then be like, fuck it. We're going. Who knows? So actually
Starting point is 00:47:59 that's really awful advice. Don't ever, you need to go on dates in very public places in the beginning so that you don't get killed. So make sure that you need to go on dates in very public places in the beginning so that you don't get killed. So make sure that you're doing that. Be safe with dating everybody, in every capacity in every way. Be responsible and don't be impulsive. And that's that. But yeah, go on a trip. Go to the Bahamas for me. Send me pictures. Send me a postcard with your bay, fuck it. Anyway, I have to do a virtual doctor's appointment right now with my dermatologist, so I have to go,
Starting point is 00:48:32 but I really enjoyed talking to you guys. I hope you guys enjoyed this episode. I really love doing advice for you guys. I hope that it's useful. Feel free to tweet me topics that you want me to talk about at AG Podcast. Don't forget to rate, review, feel free to tweet me topics that you want me to talk about at AG Podcast. Don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe to anything goes on Apple Music Spotify, wherever else you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 00:48:52 Rate anything goes five stars on Apple Podcasts if you want. I would mean a lot to me, I'd really appreciate it. And I love you all, keep it real. I'm praying for all of you, I'm thinking of all of you, I love all of you. And I'll see you all of you, I'm thinking of all of you, I love all of you. And I'll see you all next week. Muah!

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