anything goes with emma chamberlain - advice session #5

Episode Date: October 8, 2020

You’re asking and Emma is answering. Lots of questions this week on topics like eating and body image issues, navigating toxic content on TikTok, and what to do if your significant other keeps likin...g provocative photos on social media. Plus, when is it right to take that next step in a relationship, and is body hair really that big of a deal? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi everyone, welcome back to anything goes. Good morning. It's always morning for me when I record these. I don't know what time you guys listen. I'm feeling very, very chill and relaxed today. Very level-headed. For the first time in a long time. Because I've been kind of crazy the last few weeks. Like, I don't know what's going on. But the last few weeks, I've been very high anxiety, very paranoid, very crazy and emotionally unstable. But today is like one of the first days that I felt relatively stable, which is why I decided, you know what, Emma, record in advice session,
Starting point is 00:00:40 because it's a great time for me to give advice right now when I'm feeling normal. Thank God. I'll catch you up on the last few weeks. I'm pre-recording this, so this is gonna come out in like two weeks, but tomorrow, I have the relaunch of Chamberlain Coffee, which by the time you listen to this,
Starting point is 00:01:01 everybody will have seen it. That is tomorrow. I am definitely nervous. And the last few weeks have been very stressful for me because I'm so nervous. I feel like I'm kind of at a place now where I'm like, you know what, fuck it. Like, it's going out tomorrow.
Starting point is 00:01:17 There's nothing I can do. I have an amazing team. They're covering all their bases, making sure everything is perfect. I've been making sure everything's perfect. Everything seems perfect. Whatever. let's just do it. I feel like I'm kind of accepting the fact that it's tomorrow and I'm not as freaked out anymore.
Starting point is 00:01:34 But for the past few weeks, but for the past few weeks, I've been very just tense and nervous. And I didn't really know why, and I think it was because of this relaunch. It's just like when you put a lot of work in time into something, and then it's finally time for everyone to see, it's very uncomfortable and nerve-wracking, and I think that that was
Starting point is 00:01:58 causing me a lot of anxiety underlying, and then I was just projecting it onto other things. And you know, just the normal girl stuff Not even girl stuff the fuck normal humans shit um, I don't know why I said that but It's normal human shit. You know what I mean whatever, but I'm feeling a lot more chill today ah So I'm ready to give you guys some advice
Starting point is 00:02:25 We're gonna go straight into it today. Get straight into the heat of it, right? I feel like the last few weeks energetically in the universe have been a little off. I know a lot of people have been feeling really, really stressed and depressed and anxious and like, it's just been a really tough few weeks. And I feel like I say that every week.
Starting point is 00:02:48 So maybe that's just the state of the planet in general right now. But I do feel like the last few weeks have been a little worse, and I don't know why, at least for me, and even my dad was telling me that he's been feeling very stressed and upset. And he's generally a very chill guy. So the fact that he's feeling it is a sign. A lot of my friends have been feeling super bummed out. I've been feeling really bummed out. The vibes have been off with everything.
Starting point is 00:03:17 I feel like a lot of people have felt really disconnected from the planet and the, you know, the energies of the planet. And I think personally I'm starting to come back to Earth a little bit, but it's been a rough few weeks. A lot of bad energy in the universe. And so, I think a lot of people are feeling that and I was definitely seeing a lot of shit about that
Starting point is 00:03:41 in my DMs and on the Twitter about things like that and just whatever. So I thought it would be a good time to just kind of talk about those things and my experiences within the last few weeks. And you know what, without further ado, let me take a sip of coffee and we'll get into it. All right. Someone said, hi, I'm going to DMs and some scared of my friends seeing the response to your tweet. Totally fine. If you guys ever want to DM me stuff, I'm going to DM since I'm scared of my friends seeing the response to your tweet. Totally fine.
Starting point is 00:04:05 If you guys ever want to DM me stuff, I'm constantly checking that anything goes DMs. I may not respond, but I'm reading and ready to address in the episode. So keep that in mind. But anyway, I'm struggling a lot with my body right now and eating. So can you please give some tips on how to eat because I just can't, and if I do, I suddenly go throw up, and I know that it's not healthy. Okay, so number one, this is very triggering. So if you would like to skip ahead a little bit, I'll probably only talk about this for
Starting point is 00:04:37 a few minutes, but I totally get it if it's triggering, and so feel free to skip. But I also feel like what I might say might be kind of reassuring. So we'll see. I talk about this relatively frequently, in most advice sessions, usually something regarding food or body image comes up. And to be completely honest with you, I don't have the answers. I don't have it figured out. I struggle with this stuff myself.
Starting point is 00:05:07 I've always struggled with this since I was probably 12 or 13. I've had on and off severe and not severe struggles with this. And so I totally get it. Totally, totally get it. And I can try to give some advice, but I know that it's so much easier said than done. And there is no right way to fix this or to move past this. But I do want to say that I think a lot of people are struggling with body image right now. And I'm saying that
Starting point is 00:05:41 because I got a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot of DMs about this, a lot. And I just want to say that you guys are not alone. It's been really tough on social media recently because I feel like, especially on TikTok, there's been a lot of triggering content. I don't know if you guys are watching TikTok or on Instagram reels or like whatever, I don't know what you guys used to pass time. But I've been seeing a lot of really triggering content on the internet recently. But TikTok and Reels, Instagram Reels being the primary source
Starting point is 00:06:18 of that content. And some examples would be like, what I eat in a day videos that are clearly not healthy habits, that's one thing I've been seeing a lot. Another one being all these hacks on how to lose weight or hacks on how to not be bloated. Or all this stuff about weight loss, how to keep the weight off once you get up.
Starting point is 00:06:44 Like all this stuff about weight loss, how to keep the weight off once you get up. Like all this shit, right? Even like girls, I know one thing went viral on TikTok of like, you know, a girl who was kind of showing off her body when she has a needing disorder clearly. And she stated that, I'm not assuming that she stated that she has a needing disorder. And but she was kind of also showing off, there's a bunch of debate. I don't know what my opinion is, I don't want to get into it.
Starting point is 00:07:12 But like a lot of people were really triggered because she was saying clearly that she had needing disorder, but was also kind of showing off her physique regardless, which is kind of contradictory when you're promoting, you know, let's all heal together, but then, you know, she's kind of showing off in a sense her malnourished body and that's very triggering. So a lot of people were really triggered by that and I saw a bunch of uproar about that. And so in general, I'm not commenting on that because that's just not my journey and not my place. And, you know, I'm absolutely wishing her and everybody else that's struggling with this the best not my place. And, you know, I'm absolutely wishing her and everybody else
Starting point is 00:07:45 that's struggling with this the best. And I know how toxic the mindset can be. And so I'm not gonna judge or say anything. But the point of me bringing all that up is that a lot of this shit is getting views right now. It's being pushed in the algorithm for some reason. I know my for you page has a lot of triggering shit on it. And you know, not only that, but I think that there's a very toxic obsession with body
Starting point is 00:08:15 image right now on the internet. And I don't really get it. Like I don't get where it came from or where it started. I feel like we were doing so good as like a community on the internet of like, you know, not being like that. But you know, with all this triggering content going viral right now, it's inevitable that a lot of people who tend to have issues with this stuff are going to be struggling with this right now.
Starting point is 00:08:45 And me included, me fucking included, I am no exception. I am very, very prone to this stuff. And I can only imagine that a lot of you guys are too, but what I've found helps me a lot is, listen, going on your phone and looking at shit online is inevitable, right? Totally. I'm not going to say put your phone down and not don't look at your phone ever again. No, it's impossible. The first step is to mute people or unfollow people that make
Starting point is 00:09:25 that make this worse for you. If you follow somebody that posts weight loss content and that triggers you, unfollow them, it's weird because I feel like people allow themselves to see things that hurt them, like even if you're in relationship and you are obsessed with stalking, you're significant others ex or you You know love looking at your ex-boyfriend's Instagram or something like, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:09:52 people love to look at that shit take initiative so that you don't let yourself see that stuff It's hard because sometimes you're like fuck, but I'm so curious and like this stuff satisfies an itch almost like whatever, but it's not healthy. There's a lot of things that we have access to that are not healthy. So remove those things from your feed as much as you can. And when it comes to stuff like TikTok and you're on your free page,
Starting point is 00:10:17 follow a bunch of funny accounts that you love. And instead of going on your free page where some shitty content could be forced down your throat? Go through your following tab instead. Just try to avoid this content that can be triggering. I've been really having to do that because I think it's just so toxic right now and it's so depressing and upsetting to see and not good for my brain personally. So I've been like, you know what, I'm just going to mute people, block people,
Starting point is 00:10:46 fucking unfollow people, fucking do whatever I need to do so that I'm not seeing this shit. Because guess what? At the end of the day, it's no one else's fault. What how your brain processes things, you have to take that initiative. It's not cool when people post things that are that are promoting toxic diet culture and stuff like that. It sucks. It's not good. People shouldn't be posting shit like that.
Starting point is 00:11:07 It sucks. But at the same time, you know, people can do whatever they want. You cannot control what other people do. So you have to take that initiative and you have to avoid that content. You are on your free page and you see it. You swipe past it. It might hurt. You might want to kind of watch it.
Starting point is 00:11:24 But just do everything in your power to not see that stuff. And that really, really helps, because you get so sucked into the internet world and you start thinking that all that's real life. But if you avoid the shit that makes you upset and you watch the shit that makes you feel good, whether that's cooking videos, whether that's funny videos, whatever the fuck,
Starting point is 00:11:43 horror movies, whatever, I don't movies, whatever I don't care, whatever you watch that makes you feel good. Do that, watch that, consume that stuff. And when it comes to trying to heal from disordered behavior, it is an ongoing journey. I say this every single time, Please seek help if you can or If you feel like it's truly needed. I think most people who struggle with this need help and most of them don't get the help that they need Please get help. It really really
Starting point is 00:12:18 Changes things and can give you a new perspective and also remember that There's so much more to life than that shit. There's so much more to life. There's so much fun to be had with food and with socializing around food and with enjoying the flavor of food. And like, you know, with it nourishing your body, it's so important.
Starting point is 00:12:44 And when you're not feeding your body properly, you feel like shit, you feel so terrible. You feel you have no energy, you can't exercise, you can't, you don't have the energy to walk around, it affects your moods, like it's terrible. It ruins your quality of life. And, you know, I get it, it's more than just wanting to look a certain way sometimes too.
Starting point is 00:13:02 It's like it helps with anxiety sometimes. Like it makes you feel like you're in control and all that. But it doesn't matter because when you turn that off than just wanting to look a certain way sometimes too. It helps with anxiety sometimes. It makes you feel like you're in control and all that, but it doesn't matter because when you turn that off and you reroute and food becomes something that you associate with happiness again, it will be so much better for you long term. You don't wanna fuck up your organs,
Starting point is 00:13:22 you don't wanna fuck up your brain, you wanna keep yourself in the best shape that you can so that you can live a long and healthy life and you can have kids and you can raise those kids and have a beautiful family. There's so much to look forward to. Don't waste your time focusing on food. Put food into your body that you're proud of. Enjoy it.
Starting point is 00:13:46 And that's that. I wish that I had a solid answer. I wish that there was a clear way to fix all this, but just know that everybody's struggling with this right now because on social media it's so fucking prevalent and it's awful, but we're all dealing with this right now more than normal. Moving on. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is more than a website builder. It's an all-in-one place to make an online space that's entirely
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Starting point is 00:14:42 Check out Squarespace.com for more features and inspiration and when you're ready to build your site. Use the offer code Emma for 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. There's no instruction manual when it comes to being an adult. Sometimes I lay away at night rehashing something I said earlier that day or lay in bed at night
Starting point is 00:15:05 thinking about what the future holds. I know I'm not the only one going through a lot of what ifs. Like what if I get into a fender bender, or what if my home gets broken into? But state farm can help you with some of those big what ifs. They're available to answer your questions day or night. You can reach them 24-7 file a claim on the State Farm mobile app or simply call your agent to ask what's on your mind. Like you good neighbor, State Farm is there. Call or go to statefarm.com for a quote today. Someone said I'm scared for one of my friends because her mom got cancer for the second time and I don't know how to be there for her. I text her every day but I
Starting point is 00:15:43 don't know how to make her feel her. I text her every day but I don't know how to make her feel better. This is definitely one of the hardest things to deal with ever when someone you love is struggling or dealing with something that's so terrifying and so beyond upsetting and trying to navigate what to say and how to be there is so emotionally challenging. I know what you're feeling. It's the hardest thing to figure out and to navigate. And for starters, I wanna say,
Starting point is 00:16:18 don't be hard on yourself because no one knows how to deal with this shit. It is really, really hard to know what to say in these situations. But the key, at least from my experience, is continue to offer support, even if they're not asking for it. Continue to check in daily.
Starting point is 00:16:45 If they don't respond for a week, don't take it personal. It's not about you right now. You know what I mean? They're dealing with such a terrible thing that their emotions are gonna be all over the place. Be gentle with them, be patient with them, offer support.
Starting point is 00:17:05 If they don't accept the offer, don't put pressure on them. Just constantly be giving them a stream of support. And they'll take it when they need it. But if they don't need it, that's okay, but continue to offer it. And remind them how strong they are and how brave they are and remind them that you love them and that you'll always be there for them. Give them space, but also don't give them too much space because something that I learned the hard way was when someone is dealing with something like this, giving them too much space to you may seem like, oh, well, they, I don't wanna be getting, I don't know what to do, so it's better if I say less
Starting point is 00:17:51 than say too much, I don't wanna make things worse, so I'm gonna step away a little bit. It's very easy to do that because you think, oh, well, I need to give them space because they don't want me all up in their business right now, like they're dealing with their own shit. Well, the thing is, when you're going through something that emotional and that scary, it's hard to be like, hey, I need support.
Starting point is 00:18:18 They're so emotionally exhausted. I don't think that they're able to ask for that most of the time. So you have to give it whether they're asking for it or not. And if they don't accept it, it doesn't matter. Because it's the fact that you're there and that you're checking in. And so even it might feel like you're annoying them or something because they're not responding, but that's most likely not the case. Unless you're harassing them, I'm not saying that. Just checking in on them daily or every other day,
Starting point is 00:18:50 making sure that they're doing okay if it's somebody who's really close to you. Even if they don't accept it, you need to understand that there's so much going on that you are not aware of and that you aren't feeling yourself. So give them space, but also give them that love and when they're ready to accept it from you.
Starting point is 00:19:10 Be there to give it your all, you know? And that's the best that you can do, but also this is all out of your control, you know? So don't be hard on yourself. Just do your best, okay? Because at the end of the day, no one's perfect and nobody knows how to handle these situations perfectly. There is no formula, there is no rule book.
Starting point is 00:19:29 Yes, you can read articles about how to help and how to, you know, what to say, but it's like, even then, every situation is so different. And so be easy on yourself, but don't give up. Next, help me, EMBA. I love that everybody calls me, Amber. Now it's so funny. Thank you to all of you for coming up with my own new individual unique nickname.
Starting point is 00:19:51 I love it. Help me, Amber. What do you do when a person you like very much slowly fades away? Did I do something wrong? Anyway, I love you so much. I love you so much too. Does that make sense? I also love you so much.
Starting point is 00:20:04 No, you did not do anything wrong at all. You could like someone so much in the beginning, but then throughout your guys' relationship or throughout your guys' friendship, whatever it is. I don't know if you guys are dating or not, but humans are constantly growing and evolving. And people grow at different rates. And I was actually watching a video about this today about marrying young and stuff like that and like the philosophy behind it. And it's super interesting to me because they were talking about how, you know, when you're
Starting point is 00:20:42 in your 20s or late teen years. You're still finding yourself like you still have so much finding yourself to do, right and when you're in your younger years like every month can be so different Like I look at myself six months ago whole different human being. I swear to God I literally reinvent myself once a month. I like him different every single month. There is no two months where I am the
Starting point is 00:21:11 same person. I learn so much every day. I learn more about myself, learn more about the world, learn more about what I care about, what my morals are. Me a year ago, me two years ago, different person, completely different person, and I am constantly changing and everybody is. So if some time passes in your feelings for, you know, a significant other fade, that's probably just because you are growing at a different pace than this other person. Same thing happens with friendships. I've had friendships where somebody was my best fucking friend. But then I grew and we didn't align anymore and yes, you feel bad because you're like fuck, like that's that sucks. Like why do we not click
Starting point is 00:21:55 anymore? But that's okay because that's normal. Everybody's growing at a different rate. At some point, they might catch up to you and you guys might be able to be friends again like you were before but it's just like people are always growing and sometimes when You're growing with someone you guys can grow apart and that is so normal and with some people you know You help each other grow and so you know the journey is a lot more intertwined.
Starting point is 00:22:26 And that can be like that with some relationships. I know that there's some relationships that I've been in where I'm like, the reason why I've grown is because of this person. And I've kind of, you know, grown to their level in a sense because they've shown me new perspectives in shit and made me wanna grow. And that's amazing and that's definitely an option as well,
Starting point is 00:22:50 but sometimes you grow apart and there's nothing wrong with that and that just means that it's not the right time or it's not the right person anymore and that is A.O.K. and this shit's gonna happen again and again in your life until you find your hopefully lifelong partner, which seems like it's very outdated now. Everybody's like, ooh, although I want a lifelong partner
Starting point is 00:23:11 for fuck's sake, I don't want to be like floating around from dude to dude for the rest of my life. So even though that may seem a little bit outdated like a life partner, I definitely want that. Like I want to be, oh my God, the other day, this is so off topic with the other day, I was at a mall. And there was like, it was like an outdoor mall, and I was trying to find these pants that I wanted,
Starting point is 00:23:36 didn't find them, but whatever. And there was a live band in the middle of the park at this mall. And there is this old woman sitting in a wheelchair and her husband was pushing her around. And I got choked up thinking about that. Super off topic. But I literally almost started crying. I was like, that is the sweetest shit I've ever seen.
Starting point is 00:24:06 And like, imagine like being with somebody for like 50 years and then you guys are boom, oh, then I just can't. I like never, that should never made me emotional until recently and I don't know what has happened to me. Anyway, somebody said, I feel like I'm stuck in an endless cycle of doing things, same thing, over and over again, every week. And I don't have any motivation for anything anymore.
Starting point is 00:24:26 Do you have any advice? Everyone's feeling like this, there is no escaping it. I am so sorry. It is, I've tried everything. I've started going to the beach. I started, I'm buying a drum set. Like, there's so many things I've tried to do, and I'm so sorry, but we're,
Starting point is 00:24:42 this is just the climate we're in. Like, it will pass, but it's just, we've all been so isolated for so long that it is just inevitable at this point. Everybody's burnt out. Everybody's fucking sick and tired of it. It, you know, you just have to ride the wave. And I mean, obviously there's things that help. Any fucking activity that you can do,
Starting point is 00:25:03 I swear to God, just do something, like you, anything. Organize your closet. Fucking go online shopping. Make a fucking folder of clothes that you think that your friends should buy. Like, do something. Anything that will pass the time. I swear to God, we'll get through this. I feel like 2021's gonna be actually really amazing and I don't wanna jinx it, so I will knock on wood.
Starting point is 00:25:27 But, let's just ride this wave, everybody's feeling this, it will pass, and when it does pass, it's gonna feel so fucking good. So just be patient. Okay, this is a little bit more of like a mature question, and maybe I'll answer it, I don't know what my demographic is on here, but, you know what, I'm a big bit more of like a mature question and maybe I'll answer it. I don't know what my demographic is on here, but you know what, I'm a big kid, I'm 19, so I'm, it's like fucking seven years old in the human.
Starting point is 00:25:53 I feel like 19 is so young, but whatever. Someone said, hi, I'm super insecure about my body hair, especially downstairs. I have a lot and I feel constant pressure to shave or wax to feel hot and it's so tiring to do it every day, thoughts. Okay, so here's my experience. I don't think it really, I really genuinely, don't think it matters. I like, I mean, okay, I totally get it.
Starting point is 00:26:16 I listen, I don't judge. Everybody do whatever the fuck you want. Shave, don't shave, whatever. Personally, for me, I don't like having anybody here at all, which is ironic, because I forget to shave my legs constantly. But I'm just not someone who likes the feeling, like I just don't like it. Like if I forget to shave my armpit
Starting point is 00:26:36 for a little bit too long, like I freak out. And I'm like, I need to shave it. And that's just a personal preference for myself. That has nothing to do with anyone else. I don't judge, I don't care. It's none of my fucking business, period. You can do whatever you want with your body hair. And no one else should have anything to say about it.
Starting point is 00:26:54 And that's point-blowing period. But I also understand the desire to want to, you know, have a clean shave constantly. I totally get it. Because, I mean, number one is a society thing, but I also think a lot of people just feel more comfortable and it feels like, it's like, physically more comfortable to be shaved.
Starting point is 00:27:13 That's how it is for me. And I've struggled with this issue. I'm such like, I'm the type of person that I'm so fucking lazy that like, when I'm in the shower, I shave everything so fast. That like, it doesn't end up, it's sometimes we have some user error, right? And things don't look the best.
Starting point is 00:27:33 It's not like I did the best job. Like, I can guarantee that every time I shave my legs, there's a missing strip of leg hair that I did not, like it's a mess. So you can only imagine it's a missing strip of leg hair that I did not, like it's a mess. So you can only imagine it's a mess. But the thing that you need to remember is that body hair is so fucking normal and I can guarantee that you're a significant other
Starting point is 00:27:55 if they have even half of a brain are not gonna care if you are perfectly shaved every single time. That is a completely unrealistic expectation. And I think that that expectation to be perfectly shaved everywhere all the time just comes from societies, like there's just a stigma in society
Starting point is 00:28:19 that you need to be perfectly shaved constantly, but that's so unrealistic. Like nobody, unless you're like getting waxed constantly or you have laser hair removal or you just naturally are like lucky and like don't have this issue. Like having a slightly messed up bikini line is pretty much everyone.
Starting point is 00:28:43 Like, it's so hard this summer, I was just a mess because I was like, ugh, like every time somebody would wanna go to the beach, I was like, I just don't, this is so, all right, I'll see you guys in an hour. Now I have to go in the shower and fucking be in there for like three hours to make sure that I'm like, it's tough, okay? But anybody who's expecting you to be perfectly shaved
Starting point is 00:29:05 all the time just doesn't understand the human body. Nobody can shave perfectly. It's not normal to be able to do that. It's impossible, I swear to God. Everyone has problems with it. And if you're significant other expects that of you, that's just stupid. Who gives a fuck?
Starting point is 00:29:23 Like it's your body hair, it's however you wanna manage it. And obviously there's certain people who have preferences and stuff like that, I totally get that. And like those things can be communicated respectfully if there's like a really severe issue or something which whatever, that can be a conversation within your relationship. But like, you know, on a day to day,
Starting point is 00:29:43 like if you didn't shave perfectly when you shaved last, and it's like not a whatever, it, who cares? It just doesn't matter. In 90 percent of the time, no one's even paying attention. I swear to God, think about it. Are you ever paying attention to that stuff on other people? No. I cannot tell you one time I've ever been like, other people? No. I cannot tell you one time I've ever been like, hmm, they didn't shave good. What? Who gives a fuck? It just like doesn't matter. I mean, unless it's like a very extreme situation, you know, I mean, but I'm saying like day to day, like there's, it's an unrealistic expectation to make it perfect. Don't be self-conscious. It is totally normal and natural. And people love you for you, not because you have a perfectly shaved, you know.
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Starting point is 00:32:47 When I just need a little boost, liquid IV is almost always in my bag, almost always. In my favorite flavor, if anyone is wondering, watermelon and passion fruit, although there are a lot of great flavors, but those are my most commonly consumed. And the interesting thing about liquid IV is that my preferred way to drink it is to pour it into a water bottle with lukewarm water and chug it. So not sure what that says about me. Grab your liquid IV in bulk nationwide at Costco or you can get 20% off when you go to liquidiv.com and use code anything at checkout. That's 20% off anything when you shop better hydration today using promo code anything at liquid IV.com. Hey, am I want to hook up with this guy even though I don't know him, but I'm scared that my friends will judge me because they will think that he's weird or something.
Starting point is 00:33:38 What do you think I should do? Listen, who gives a fuck what your friends think? If you think that they're cute and you're into it? Go crazy. Have fun. You can't make those decisions based on social judgment. Like, you just can't, because it doesn't matter. And those things are so personal to you and your preferences. It is none of your friends' business.
Starting point is 00:34:01 You don't even have to tell them. Like, I say go for it. I truly am somebody who just believes, like as long as somebody's trustworthy and cool, like just fucking go crazy, unless you're in a relationship, no cheating. I have a phobia of cheating, so, I mean, I think everybody has a fucking phobia of cheating.
Starting point is 00:34:19 But as long as you're not cheating on anyone, then who gives a fuck? Have fun, hook up with anyone. As long as they're not cheating on anyone, then who gives a fuck? Have fun, hook up with anyone. As long as they're not a douchebag in our disrespectful, then you're fine. Somebody said, do you ever feel like you're growing? You're becoming the person that you wanna be, and you have your standards, and you have your morals,
Starting point is 00:34:36 but do you ever feel like you're fighting with the old you? If so, how do you handle that? Yes, yes. I, okay, so over the past year, I've done probably more growing than I ever have my entire life. And I'm at a really good spot right now where I feel like I'm the most mature and the most grounded and the most morally sound that I've ever been. I mean, I've never been this connected.
Starting point is 00:35:02 I don't think, I mean, don't get me wrong. Mess, consistently a mess very much mess all the time still a mess but I feel like I'm more grounded than I've ever been and I feel more mature and more you know in a good place than I have been in a really long time because I've always been a mess. So it's more of a matter of how much of a mess am I and I think that right now I'm doing pretty good. And I think that I have figured out a lot of my priorities and kind of settled all that out a lot recently. And so yeah, but okay, I look back at myself six months ago
Starting point is 00:35:34 and I want a puke, right? Like I was a fucking mess, I was so dumb. I even six months ago, it's crazy how quickly you evolve. And like I look back at some of the shit that I did, you know, even a year ago, six months ago, it's crazy how quickly you evolve. And I look back at some of the shit that I did, even a year ago, six months ago, and I'm like, Emma, you were so immature, you were so impulsive, you were so, you had no confidence, no self-respect, no spine.
Starting point is 00:36:00 I mean, definitely a spine, but less of a spine than I do now. Just very like doing things that I do not approve of now. You know what I mean? And none of them were harmful to anyone but me, but it was just, and they weren't even harmful in general. They're really not the things that I've done. Whether it's like, it could be like from kissing a dude
Starting point is 00:36:20 that I like kind of regret, because I'm like, I didn't, I was just doing that because I was like whatever dude that I like kind of regret because I'm like, I didn't, I was just doing that because I was like whatever, why not? But not because I like really more honestly just for reassurance that someone was attracted to me. Something like that. God, I don't think I've ever talked about that. Maybe we talk about that one episode,
Starting point is 00:36:39 but maybe we need a few years on that one. But like, you know, like, getting with the dude just because I felt insecure. Like that's something that is a good example. Where it's like, yeah, that didn't harm anyone. I didn't hurt that guy's feelings. It didn't hurt my feelings. But it's like, that's not something that I am proud of now.
Starting point is 00:37:00 And like that's something that I beat myself up about because I'm like, I mean, you would not do that now. That's not you that never was you. Why did you fucking do that? You did that because you were insecure. You idiot. Why would you do that? Right? And shit like that, it hurts. It hurts to reflect on. But you know, you also have to remember why you were behaving the way that you did. There's a lot of circumstances. I mean, there's so many different circumstances, right? Like, you were learning, you were working through something. So, you wouldn't be at the mature, amazing place
Starting point is 00:37:34 that you're at now without every mistake that you've ever made, because those mistakes helped you grow. And so, there's nothing to be angry about. Yes, you can be like, ah, I wouldn't do that again, but you can't be angry at yourself for shit that you've done. You've done it. You're done.
Starting point is 00:37:49 It's over. You did it. You can learn from it. That's it. So don't beat yourself up over it. Just learn from the mistakes that you've made. And that's it. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:38:00 There's nothing to be shameful about. The old you is still you, and they needed to make every mistake that they've ever made so that you could be the you that you are now. Somebody said, what do you do when you're having a breakdown slash panic attack in public? This actually happened to me super recently, so I wanted to tell you all the story.
Starting point is 00:38:23 I went to one of my first socially distanced in-person meetings in a while because there has not been meetings in person due to COVID in eight months. I've been just doing Zoom, but I had a meeting with a few people, and we were in a backyard and we were socially distanced and it was really nice by the beach, it was great. And a few minutes into this meeting, I start to, my vision in my eyes starts to get fucked up. Like there's blind spots in my eyes.
Starting point is 00:39:02 And I was like, oh fuck, I'm getting an aura migraine, which is basically where you get a migraine. Well, basically how it works is you start to kind of go, not blind, but you start to lose vision in your eyes. Your eyes become very like you can't see anything properly like imagine you have a bunch of goopy shit in your eyes and it's just like a bunch of goopy like stuff so like there's blurry spots in your vision.
Starting point is 00:39:27 That starts to happen. And then you basically can't see properly for about an hour. And then your vision comes back and then right as your vision comes back, you get an excruciating headache. My mom and I get these, we've gotten these forever whole lives. It is the reason why I cannot go on hormonal birth control because if you go on hormonal birth control with those types of migraines, you get them all the time and they're really scary and terrible.
Starting point is 00:39:52 Well, I haven't gotten one of these migraines in a super long time, but they can be triggered by anything, whether you like, if you didn't eat enough that day, you didn't drink enough water that day, you are overly tired, like, just not taking care of yourself will trigger it. And I got one and I'm at this meeting and I'm like starting to see that like, everyone's getting kind of blurry for me and I'm like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, God damn it.
Starting point is 00:40:20 But I'm like, I need to remain composed. Like I know that this shit will pass in about an hour so I'm just gonna ride the wave, right? It's hard, though, because you can't make eye contact, because you can't see properly. So it's like really hard to make eye contact and shit. And... So they're talking for like probably a half hour,
Starting point is 00:40:40 and I'm just listening, and I'm trying to focus, but I'm starting to spiral into a panic attack because I was like, holy shit, like this is weird. I even got one of these migraines in so long. Like, what if, what if like, there's something else wrong? Like, what if one of my lungs is like filled with fluid and so I'm not getting oxygen to my brain and my brain is failing and that's why my vision
Starting point is 00:41:01 is getting fucked up. Like, what if it's not Nora migraine? Like, what if it's something else? And I started to spiral about, maybe I was having a larger issue. And so I started to panic and I'm like shaking and like my limbs started to lose feeling and I was basically getting a panic attack while having this aura migraine, while I'm at this meeting, right, and having to act normal. And so we all ordered sushi.
Starting point is 00:41:26 We all had our own little separate sushi boxes. And I only ate a few pieces because I was so nervous, but I was like, you know what, maybe getting some food in my stomach will help. So, I start eating the sushi, and I'm using chopsticks, and I have my hands on the chopsticks and I go to reach to get a piece of sushi and I have no feeling in my right hand. Like my hand was paralyzed. I could not move it.
Starting point is 00:42:00 And I was trying to pick up the sushi by clamping it with the chopsticks and I couldn't do it my hand would not move. This made me panic 50 times more. I couldn't tell if my hand was asleep because I had been sitting on it for like the past half hour or if like I was literally losing feeling to my limbs because like there was something wrong
Starting point is 00:42:19 with my oxygen going to my brain and it was like cutting off and I was gonna pass out and die and have a heart attack and have like brain, some sort of brain, like I literally thought I was dying and I talked to my brain and it was like cutting off and I was gonna pass out and die and have a heart attack and have like brain some sort of brain Like I literally thought I was dying and I talked to my mom later and she told me that she thinks that the reason why I lost feeling in my hands and feet was because I was having a panic attack, but I was really managing it well I was like I am not gonna let them know that I'm panicking like I'm just gonna let them talk
Starting point is 00:42:42 Finally after like 30 minutes, 40 minutes, they were done talking and I was like, oh fuck, it's my turn to talk. And they asked me a question. And I would think of the answer in my head. And when I would go to say it, my mouth would say a different word than what my brain was thinking.
Starting point is 00:43:00 Like I was jumbling my words on accident. Let's say I was thinking of saying, I really like the last option. Let's say that's a sentence I was jumbling my words on accident. Let's say I was thinking of saying, I really liked the last option. Let's say that's a sentence I was gonna say. I would start out and I'd be like, option. Like I like, I cannot make this shit up. It was like, I could not, I kept like starting my sentences wrong and then I'd be like, oh my god, I'm so sorry.
Starting point is 00:43:21 And I was like, I had to admit to them, I'm like, I'm sorry guys, I have a migraine and it's giving me a little bit of a panic attack And I'm really sorry, but like I am jumbling my words like I'm kind of a mess right now And they're like, oh my god, like no totally fine, so they brought me some water and I was like, no guys keep going And I was so embarrassed because I hate being like the person who's like, you know, I don't like getting injured in front of people Or whatever, I don't like being a fucking liability of people or whatever, I don't like being a fucking liability. Like, I just, I hate that type of attention.
Starting point is 00:43:47 So, and I hate when people are like, are you okay? Are you okay? I'm like, shut up. Just leave me alone. But that was so embarrassing. And so, I think the way that I deal with it that helped me move past it was admitting to them, like, like my panic attack virtually went away immediately after I was like, listen, I'm so sorry guys, but I'm having like a really bad migraine and like my anxiety and I'm panicking a little bit. It's like bad. I'm so sorry because I'm just nervous
Starting point is 00:44:14 about the migraine because they make me anxious. And they were like, no, it's totally fine. Like, do you want us to take a break? Like whatever. And then once they had that understanding and I didn't feel like I was hiding my understanding and I didn't feel like I was hiding my struggle and I didn't feel like I was like trying to like bottle it up, I felt so much better. So I think that my tip is to tell someone that you're around that you're having this struggle and that really helps because then you're like,
Starting point is 00:44:38 okay, well they know what I'm dealing with and so we're all on the same page. Let me just get through this and we'll be fine. And that's literally that. Somebody said, how do you know it's time to have sex with your significant other? I don't know if I'm allowed to talk about this, so I will ask my team,
Starting point is 00:44:56 but I don't think it's that big of a fucking deal. And I think that's something that's important. I've always been somebody that doesn't judge that stuff like at all. I think genuinely, as long as you are respected by the other person and you're having safe sex, I don't think that there's really any limit to what you do with that.
Starting point is 00:45:24 Like I think you can, in my opinion, and I mean, of course, everybody has their own, whether it's like religion or whatever, totally respect all of that. But like at the same time, if you have no, as long as you are being safe about it and the other person is somebody that you trust and that is completely respectful
Starting point is 00:45:45 of you and your body and, you know, what in your requests when it comes to all that stuff, there's really no reason not to if you want to. This is complex actually, this is a lot more complex than I had anticipated when I started answering it. There's no issue in waiting, but at the same time, if you feel safe and comfortable with your significant other, or whoever you decide to do this with, and you trust them and you know that this will not harm you physically or
Starting point is 00:46:22 mentally, I mean, it could obviously affect you mentally, just if like, you know, this whole thing, like, it's a very emotional thing. And so, you know, I'm not saying like, I'm saying emotionally as in, it might make you feel weird at first because you're like, oh, what the fuck? I'm a big kid now, like that's weird
Starting point is 00:46:39 and like that's what I mean by emotionally, but I'm saying like, you know that this person is somebody who's nurturing and caring and respectful and won't hurt you emotionally or physically at all, that's super important. And if everyone's tested and you're wearing protection, like just obviously all those things are so important. But if the age is appropriate and the comfort is there, I don't really see any reason to
Starting point is 00:47:12 wait. If you have that, all of those elements, I say definitely wait for those elements to be present. But actually, there is something to be said for waiting a little bit to have sex. I think it can make your relationship a lot stronger if you wait longer before you get into that because you have your whole relationship to do that. So there's also no rush. Like if you guys have been dating for a while,
Starting point is 00:47:40 go crazy, have fun, whatever. But like if you just met in like you wanna wait a while because you're like, you know what, I kinda want this to last. Like I kind of want to see how me and this person get along without that physical element. Then wait, and sometimes it's tough, but I think that waiting like even a month or so,
Starting point is 00:48:03 two months, three months, it doesn't hurt because it builds like an element of excitement that you wouldn't have otherwise. And it also forces you to grow a relationship that has nothing to do with that, right? So I don't know. I mean, I think that if you want to and you feel ready and all of the factors that I mentioned earlier are there, go for it. But also, it doesn't, like, waiting doesn't hurt either, because there are a lot of pros to waiting a while. But I think that you'll know when it's the right time and that's that. Somebody said, do you agree with right person in wrong time?
Starting point is 00:48:51 This is really interesting to me because I used to think that, but now I'm not so sure. Because it's really tough because I definitely think that this can make sense, for example. Let's say you meet your love of your life in high school, and then you guys both go to college in different areas, and it just becomes really hard, but there was never an issue with a relationship, right? I think that that is a great example of right person wrong time. And you guys can reconnect down the line because there was never an issue.
Starting point is 00:49:31 The problem with right person wrong time and saying that and throwing that around is I've found a lot of people, including myself, have literally said that and justified a partner's actions by saying that when they were just genuinely toxic and fucked up. Like, you know what I'm saying? I think that, you know, people can say shit like that when they're like blindly in love
Starting point is 00:49:55 with someone and be like, well, it's just right person wrong time. Like, they're just in a bad spot, so they're being like really emotionally abusive, but it's fine because it was just right person wrong time. Like'll grow out of it blah blah blah no no no that's not how that works that's just wrong person wrong person like that's point blank period I just think that a lot of people use that term to like almost kind of subconsciously justify their toxic partner's terrible traits. Like if you have a really toxic partner
Starting point is 00:50:29 and they cheated on you six times, but you're like, well, it's just because they're young, right person, wrong time, like they're just going through this phase, no, they're just a piece of shit. And you just love them too much because you're a good person and you care about people and they're taking advantage of that. They really are not, it's really not like that.
Starting point is 00:50:45 When you meet someone and they're the right person, the only time that it could be a wrong time is if there's something that is a worldly that you guys can't control that is keeping you apart, whether that's like college or maybe like a job situation that's like super time consuming. Like, let's say you're dating someone who like has to travel like across the country constantly for work. Like things like that and that make it really
Starting point is 00:51:14 difficult and like not work. Or like, you know, even if you just need to be single for a few more years, but you found somebody that you really want to be with, but you just know that you need for a few more years, but you found somebody that you really wanna be with, but you just know that you need to have that time by yourself before you date. Like, yes, shit like that can happen. But that's also, let's notice something about that. There's no red flags with that.
Starting point is 00:51:36 There's no red flags with that person. They can absolutely be the right person, but it's just the wrong time that, yes. But look at the other situation when you're just saying, right person, but it's just the wrong time that yes, but they're, look at the other situation when you're just saying, right person wrong time because you're justifying someone's toxic actions. Hella red flags.
Starting point is 00:51:51 Red flags all over the damn map, but we're still out here being like, no, it's okay because they just started having a, no. No, no, no. No. Listen everybody, if someone's treating you like shit, you're out, I'm done, I'm done with anyone accepting. Listen, I cannot believe the amount of bad treatment
Starting point is 00:52:16 that I experienced in my life. And how I just was okay with it, it blows my damn mind, especially like, endating. Like, I just got fucking thrown around like a, pinata. I was just stabbed constantly in the neck. Like, just demolished every time. Listen, y'all, it does not need to be like that.
Starting point is 00:52:39 You do not need to justify a shitty person's behavior. Why are we doing that? You will absolutely find someone who has no red flags. You might even find them at the wrong time. God only knows. Doesn't matter. No red flags 2021, 2021. We're not, we are not ignoring the red flags ever again. Listen to me. You hear me, right? We are not ignoring red flags anymore and we're not using little things to justify red flags. Thank you. Somebody said, what do you do when you see someone that you are not on good terms with in public? I ignore them for as long as possible and then if I make eye contact, I give them a little wave and say
Starting point is 00:53:20 hi and be polite and then immediately act like I'm busy and walk away. So yeah, somebody said, advice on how to motivate yourself to eat when you're going through an episode. So I know when I'm really anxious, I have a really hard time having an appetite, like I'm not thinking about it, right? And it like, it stresses me out to do anything. So like, whether that's going downstairs to cook or picking out a meal, like to eat, like I'm just, like I don't even have it in me, right? So I totally understand this. Um, I think the key is to when you're having an episode to feed yourself something that is exciting and yummy to you. Like go get your favorite food. Like treat yourself a little bit because you need to eat and you might as well make it something fun. Like let's say you're really, really into this pasta dish from an Italian restaurant down the street. Go there and
Starting point is 00:54:17 get that and eat that. That's something that you know that you love. You're excited about whatever. Let's say, you know, you're like, you know what, I do need to get out of bed and cook something. Cook something like really like fun, yummy, and healthy that will make you feel super good. That could also feel really good. Or go get ice cream and eat ice cream. It doesn't matter.
Starting point is 00:54:39 Anything that you would feel excited about, anything that excites you, that kind of makes you feel a little hungry, that makes your mouth water a little bit. Find something and eat it. I promise that will help. Somebody said, I got new dogs who are brothers and they won't stop humping each other.
Starting point is 00:55:03 How do I stop this? Listen, let them have fun. Okay, it's not harming anyone. Um, you know, uh, I say just let them hump it out and they'll probably grow out of it eventually. Someone said, I feel numb and sad most of the time but I have an amazing life. I want to talk to somebody but I don't want to sound like I'm downplaying people who have actually dealt with depression or burdened my family is they've also helped me recover from an eating disorder.
Starting point is 00:55:29 I love your podcast so much. Thank you so much. I'm going to address all these things separately. Number one, I also feel numb and sad a lot, and I also have an amazing life, and it sucks because it's like, why? Like what's the fucking problem? You know what I mean? It's like, I have nothing to be bummed about yet.
Starting point is 00:55:47 I'm constantly bummed. Like, what is up with that? I think that it's normal, and I think that sometimes in the peak of your life, you can feel the worst because you're like, God, like everything's so good. I feel pressured, I feel perfectly happy all the time, but I don't, and then that just spirals you
Starting point is 00:56:03 into a deeper sadness. Enjoy the amazing moments by moment, okay? Tomorrow's not promised, remember that. And just, I almost wrote this down in my journal the other night, because I was having anxiety about a friendship that I have. And I was like, oh my God, what am I doing? This is so dumb.
Starting point is 00:56:27 Like, imagine me being anxious about this friendship that could potentially last a very long time. Like, and imagine nothing ever going wrong with it, severely, right? And I spend the whole friendship just anxious about the friendship, right? And I spend the whole friendship just anxious about the friendship, right? Like, imagine spending your whole life anxious about something that will never happen
Starting point is 00:56:55 or being upset about something that will never happen. What's the point of that? I think that when things are really good, you start to get worried about those good things going away. For me, it was that friendship. I was like, wow, that that friendship is so important to me. If that ever goes anywhere, I'm going to be fucking sad. But imagine me wasting, like I'm wasting time worrying about that when like there's a decent chance that nothing's even going to happen. And if it does, it was meant to be like, I can't, we can't
Starting point is 00:57:24 spend our whole lives being worried about something going wrong or whatever. We have to enjoy it right now because for fuck's sake, we could die tomorrow and like, none of it had mattered and did we even ever enjoy the moments that were so amazing. I don't want to waste my life feeling anxious about things going wrong, while things are going good. There's no point to that. So that's something to consider. Just enjoy it moment by moment.
Starting point is 00:57:52 Also, when it comes to talking to other people about your problems, that is what other people are there for. Okay? Just because it's not like it's a point system where it's like, oh well, okay, when I talked to my family about my eating disorder, that used up 10 points and now I have no points left to talk to them about, no, there is no fucking system like that. You can go to people whenever you want and you should be going to
Starting point is 00:58:18 people whenever you want to talk about these things because life is a constant battle. Just because you struggled with one thing doesn't mean that you're not going to struggle tomorrow or the next day or the next day. Nobody expects you to get over one problem and then never have another problem again. That's not how this shit works, unfortunately. So go to your family, talk to them about this, maybe find a therapist or somebody that is kind of removed from the situation that you can talk to if you don't feel comfortable talking to your family yet. Whatever it is, you're going to have problems for the rest of your life
Starting point is 00:58:50 as well the rest of us. And so don't waste precious time bottling this shit up when there's so many people that would love to help and support you through this. Somebody said, how to handle my mom who prioritizes her new boyfriend over me. I've been there for her through everything and she knows I'm hurt by this, but doesn't really care. This is really tough. As somebody who's dealt with a divorce myself, it is really, really tough for not only you as the child, but also for your parent.
Starting point is 00:59:27 And you have to remember that. It took me so long to understand that like a divorce is equally as jarring for parents, right? Like, they are learning just as much as you during this time. A divorce will shake shit up in a way that like, is very unique. And it's so hard, but you need to not take it personal because your mom is a human being, right? And what she's doing right now is not cool at all
Starting point is 01:00:02 and is not the way that you deserve to be treated. By any means, but at the same time, don't let this change your view of yourself because this has nothing to do with you. Your mom loves you just as much as she did before, but she's trying to fill a void right now with her new boyfriend. She's trying to find happiness in something that inevitably won't probably work because you can't really find happiness in another person. But when a parent goes through a divorce
Starting point is 01:00:39 and then starts dating again, I can only imagine how confusing that is because you go from having somebody that you thought was gonna be your lifelong companion to being alone again. It's, you know, put yourself in her shoes for a second, that shit must be awful. Does it mean that she should be neglecting you?
Starting point is 01:00:57 No, that is not fucking fair. But I'm explaining this because it's important for you to be aware of that so that you don't take it personally and think that there's something wrong with you. Like, why is my mom, you know, hanging out with her new boyfriend and not me? Like, am I so shitty to be around? Like, what the fuck? No, it has nothing to do with that. And everything to do with the fact that your mom is trying to fill that void.
Starting point is 01:01:20 She's trying to figure it out. And so all you can do is communicate this to your mom as much as you feel comfortable. It's really hard, but you need to let her know how you feel as often as you can. And really be respectful about it. She's struggling, even though she's your mom. It's hard to comprehend the parent's struggle,
Starting point is 01:01:38 but they do. Communicate this with her and say, Mom, I miss you. I need quality time with you. Like I live at home right now. I need you to prioritize me because I'm your child. You brought me onto this planet. And I need that love and reassurance
Starting point is 01:01:58 in nurturing from you because you're all I have. You're my mom. You're the only mom that I have. And I need that from you. Please give that to me. And keep trying to plant those seeds. She'll have a wake up call at some point, and she's gonna regret it, too.
Starting point is 01:02:14 But you need to not take it personally, and just try to help her through it, right? Parents are human beings, and they're gonna fuck up. And it sucks because as a kid, you get the brunt of it when your parents fuck up, especially when you live at home. But be the bigger person and try to teach her a lesson through this. Alright, someone said, I think I'm losing feelings for my boyfriend. We've been together for like a year and a half
Starting point is 01:02:47 and we haven't done anything sexually. I think because of that, I see him more as a friend and I don't know what to do about it. I feel really bad about it, but I don't know, help. There's something to be said for people who, like you just don't have romantic chemistry with. And that's totally normal. Like, you're not gonna romantically click with most people.
Starting point is 01:03:10 Like, it's not like every two combination of people will like be able to have a romantic chemistry. With a lot of people, it's just not there. And that's why relationships are so special because you know, you can have an amazing friendship with somebody, but like, I think of some of my guy friends, right? Like I love having them as a friend. I love having them around, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Starting point is 01:03:31 But if it came to like, ever anything more, like no, no, like that would not work. You know what I'm saying? And that's totally fine and normal. And that is what makes romantic relationships differ from friendships is that you have that romantic chemistry that you can't just have with anyone. And throughout your life, you're gonna meet a lot of people that like you just don't have that chemistry with and that is totally fine and normal.
Starting point is 01:03:57 And it can be hard because sometimes if your relationship is built on a foundation of friendship which is important, you can kind of get the lines blurred and you're like, well, I guess it doesn't really matter that our physical element is not that great because we have such a great friendship. Well, unfortunately, as a human being in a romantic relationship, you need, I mean, not everybody, everybody's very different, but I think a great amount of people need like that physical element. I know I do, like I'm sorry,
Starting point is 01:04:30 but I need like a lot of affection. So like, if I'm not getting that, like I'm outta here, you know what I mean? And so it's normal. And it just might not be the right physical match. And that's totally okay. And this is a conversation that I think that you need to have with your boyfriend and just be like, listen,
Starting point is 01:04:48 you know, I would rather just be friends with you because I feel like we really just have a friendship. Anyway, like we don't even really have like a real romantic relationship. So I would rather us just be friends because I think that makes more sense. So that you can go explore a true romantic relationship with someone else because we need that as human beings, right?
Starting point is 01:05:14 Like we need physical affection and like to feel in a way like sexually connected to someone else. Like that's what we need in a relationship, ship. Most of the time, some people have totally different situations, but like for, you know, people who are in that headspace where that's something they need, like that's very normal. So I say that you break up with him,
Starting point is 01:05:38 but try to be friends with him still. God knows it probably won't work because that shit is a fucking mess every time. But, you know, you need to be checking that box if that's something that's important to you, even if this guy is great, like if you don't have the physical element in your losing feelings, be honest with yourself about that and don't waste either of your guys' time anymore. Somebody said, how do you get next back?
Starting point is 01:06:00 We are not in full contact with talking here and there. I miss them so much and I know that they feel the same, but we need a push because we are both stubborn and neither of us will make the first move. You know, I think that this is something that you grow out of eventually because I'm actually like in the process of growing out of this shit myself, not specifically with like an X, but when it comes to like being too stubborn to like reach out or like make plans and stuff like that. Like I think that you grow out of that, but what you need to realize is that you live one life, okay?
Starting point is 01:06:33 Send the text. What is the worst that could happen? Put your ego aside for a second and be like, you know what, I'm just going to text this person and tell them exactly how I feel. Put your ego aside. You're going to feel so much better. The relief that you feel is so much greater than the ego death that you have when you send a text like that.
Starting point is 01:06:55 Trust me, it is so fulfilling to send a text like that. And even if the response is not something that you want It feels good to know that you did everything you could to try to get this person back Hopefully they're a good person and it's a good Person to get back because sometimes getting back with an X is like the worst thing you can do But sometimes it's also necessary. So I don't know. Hopefully they're a not toxic person But either way send the, put your ego aside, hang out with a friend of yours,
Starting point is 01:07:27 and just sit there, write up a little text, and send it, and put your phone down for an hour, and come back, you will feel so much better. It's even hard for me to make plans, right? Like, literally even in a relationship, like I'm the type of person where I'm like, hmm, I don't wanna make the plans because I am scared of them being not wanting to hang out with me and then me getting embarrassed.
Starting point is 01:07:52 Um, what the fuck is that? I'm growing out of that, luckily, but like only recently, I used to like never make plans with anyone. And now I'm like, you know what, I'm putting my ego aside because I wanna hang out with this person. It's like, I would be like, because I want to hang out with this person. It's like, I would be like, oh, I want to hang out with this person so bad, but I'm just going to wait for them to ask me to hang out.
Starting point is 01:08:10 What the fuck is that? What kind of games, like why? We, life is too short to be playing those fucking games. Say how you feel, be honest. Who gives a fuck about what happens next? You're going to either learn something or you're going to get the result that you want. Win, win, even if it's a little bit painful.
Starting point is 01:08:29 Kim Nanzar, one more. Somebody said, do you think it's okay for your partner to follow lots of other girls? How do you set those boundaries? God, this is actually something that's so interesting, like the whole issue with, like, you know, significant others liking other girls or guys' photos that maybe are a little bit provocative or like following other girls, whatever. I think that there
Starting point is 01:08:55 is a clear line. Here's where I'm at with it. And here's what I've always thought, out of respect for your significant other, I say that it's best to keep the following to a minimum unless it's like necessary. Do you know what I mean? I have no reason, when you're in a relationship, there's really no reason to just be following random. For me, if I'm in a relationship, there's no reason for me to be going around and following random hot guys.
Starting point is 01:09:28 There just isn't because I don't, what do I gain from that, right? Like, especially ones that I don't know, it's like, what's the point of that? I don't need to be seeing that shit anyway. And out of respect for my significant other, I'm definitely not going to be engaging with their content. I think that, you know, if you're boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever, let's say in this scenario, because it sounds like you're dating a guy and he's following other girls. I'm using this as an example, but this can go with any relationship or any combination of two people. Just like basically, you're significant other following people that
Starting point is 01:10:07 they could be potentially attracted to. That's what this is. I think that out of respect, it's best if both of you are not liking super in appropriate content of, you know, a potential competitor, if you will, right? I think that out of respect, it's best just not to do that because it's so unnecessary. And it's not respectful, really. And I mean, I understand,
Starting point is 01:10:36 let's see if it's like your friend. Like, let's see if it's somebody who, you guys are friends with. That's very different because it's like a friendship. And if they're liking your friend's posts and stuff like that, there's nothing wrong with that because it's like a friendship. And if they're liking your friends posts and stuff like that, there's nothing wrong with that because it's not like, yeah, you guys are all friends. So like whatever, as long as it's not like weird,
Starting point is 01:10:52 but like, you know what I'm saying, I think that keeping that shit to a minimum is just best for both of your guys' mental health, just so that there's no worry about some secretive shit going on. You know what I mean? It's so easy to not like a bikini picture or some dudes like ABPIC.
Starting point is 01:11:12 It's very easy not to like that, right? So like you might as well just not fucking like it so that your significant other can like sleep a little bit better at night because we're very competitive as human beings and you know, most people have fucking trust issues. So when you see your significant other liking hot pictures of somebody who's a potential competitor,
Starting point is 01:11:34 yeah, fucking sucks. Because you're like, they saw that and they liked it. And which means that they consciously like this photo. It's so much easier to just not do that. And if they're constantly liking photos of hot people and stuff like that, and it's making you genuinely insecure and uncomfortable, have that conversation with them and just be like,
Starting point is 01:11:54 listen, I know that you're probably not doing anything wrong. And like, I don't wanna be all up in your shit here, but like you engaging in this content makes me feel insecure because it's really hard for me not to compare myself to these other people and worry that you're not like DMing them on the side. Like, I have trust issues, blah, blah, blah. But also, there's a decent chance that, you know, people just like shit that's on their feed. There's a great chance that it just doesn't even mean anything.
Starting point is 01:12:18 But if it's bugging you, communicate that because it's such an easy fix. And also, you know, a lot of people are like, well, that's something that's a problem with you. Yes and no. Like, a lot of people have trust issues, me being one of them. If like, I was dating somebody and like, they were like, liking a bunch of hot photos of girls, I'd be like, fuck, like, god damn it. Like, I mean, I, I don't know if it would bug me to the point of bringing it up, but like,
Starting point is 01:12:42 it would definitely suck a little bit. I mean, come on, I'm but it would definitely suck a little bit. I mean, come on, I'm a human. I'm a human being. So, it would definitely suck a little bit. I'd be like, well, why isn't he fucking talking to them, then, Jesus Christ. Like, you know, I don't know.
Starting point is 01:13:00 That's the way that my brain sometimes works, unfortunately. So, I can totally see where that could be an issue. So I think it's just being honest. You know, anyway, well, that's enough for this episode. I just recorded for a long ass time. I hope you guys enjoyed this and had fun hanging out with me. I love, love, love coming on here every week and talking with you guys. I literally look forward to it.
Starting point is 01:13:23 It is my favorite part. Actually, this in Chamel & Coffee right now are my favorite things to work on. I just love both of them so much, and I love everything else as well. But this has just been so amazing, and I love hanging out with you guys for an hour or so every week, and I hope that you guys are enjoying it.
Starting point is 01:13:39 If you guys are, feel free to leave a review on Apple Podcasts. Give me a little five stars. I love seeing your guys' opinions on the pod and letting me know what you want me to talk about and shit like that. Also, if you want to ask questions or participate in the episodes, the Twitter is at AG podcast. You can ask me questions. I give prompts to you guys to ask me questions and shit.
Starting point is 01:14:04 And if you want to be in an advice session next time, that's where you can ask those questions and I believe that that's it. So, I love you all. You guys are awesome and have an amazing week and I'll talk to you guys next Thursday and we're going to get through this together. We're all in this together. We're all a team. We're not on separate teams. We're all on get through this together. We're all in this together. We're all a team. We're not on separate teams.
Starting point is 01:14:26 We're all on each other's team. Everybody who listens to anything goes on the same team. We don't argue with one another. We don't fight with one another. We support one another and we love it. One another and that is period. OK, I love you guys. Have a great week.
Starting point is 01:14:38 OK, bye. I don't want to say goodbye yet, but I have to, because it's getting too long. OK, bye. goodbye yet but I have to because it's getting too long. Okay, bye.

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