anything goes with emma chamberlain - balance in relationships 

Episode Date: August 25, 2022

well, my cats woke me up at 3am and i couldn't fall back asleep, so i am coming to you at 5:30am and the thing on my mind is relationships...i haven't talked about relationships in a long time and i w...anted to bring them up again because they are fascinating to me. it's just so interesting when two people get together...like, why did those two people choose each other? i analyze this constantly. so today i want to talk about two relationship dilemmas that i think are not talked about enough: 1) finding balance when it comes to dealing with your own issues in a relationship, and 2) having independence in a relationship. i am going to share what i've learned about these two dilemmas and we will have a conversation about it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 It's 5.30 in the morning. But don't be mistaken, I am not having a 5am girl boss morning right now. Like that is not what's happening. Basically, recently my cats have been waking me up at 4 in the morning. This has been going on for probably two months. They wake me up every day at 4am by making really loud sounds, like really, really loud.
Starting point is 00:00:30 For example, the worst instance of this was a few weeks ago. I left a cup on my nightstand, and then I left a bowl on the floor by my nightstand because I was eating cereal in bed because there's no better place to eat cereal. Anyway, I wake up the next morning at three in the morning to my alarm system and my house going off. Okay, like blaring alarm system,
Starting point is 00:01:02 my house thought that it was getting broken into. And I was like, what? And I was so discombobulated. I looked at the floor and I just saw broken glass everywhere and I was like, oh my God, I'm somebody's trying to rob me right now, like somebody's trying to break into my house or something, whatever. I thought a window broke. Anyway, I looked closer and it was the cup from my nightstand and the bowl that was on the floor. They were both broken.
Starting point is 00:01:34 And then I knew that it was my cats trying to tell me, Emma, it's time for breakfast at three in the morning. So I turned off my alarm in my house and cleaned up and I fed them. And it was fine, but this is something that is reoccurring. Okay, this is reoccurring. This happens every morning. Sometimes I go back to bed, today was not one of those days.
Starting point is 00:01:58 Now it's 5.30 in the morning and we're talking. We're hanging out. It's, the sun hasn't even come out yet. Anyway, enough of that. I would honestly, I could have just lied and said that I'm having a girl boss morning and said, I woke up at 5 a.m. I went on email, I spent an hour on email, then I meditated, then I made a coffee, then I pooped, I pooped. Then I journaled again, then I meditate it again, then I read my emails and respond it again. Then I, no, no, I could have lied, I could have done that, but that just isn't true.
Starting point is 00:02:36 Anyway, whatever. So what are we talking about today? Today we're talking about relationships. I haven't talked about relationships in a long time and it's one of my favorite topics because I think it's so interesting. I think romantic relationships in particular are very fascinating to me.
Starting point is 00:02:57 And I think the reason for that is that when you think about it, really analytically, is that a word analytically? I don't know. But if you really analyze the concept of a romantic relationship, which is in theory, two people who are in love with each other romantically, right?
Starting point is 00:03:20 That is an interesting concept. It's interesting because why did those two people choose each other? What about each person in the relationship is attractive to the other? There's so many interesting elements of romantic relationships. And I just, I analyze them constantly. When I'm in one myself, I'm analyzing my own, when I see other people who are in one, I'm analyzing theirs. Like, I just find the whole concept kind of magical and fascinating. It can also be catastrophic. We've all been there. We've all been
Starting point is 00:04:01 there. And if you haven't been there yet, you'll be there. It'll happen. It will. It will. Nobody gets through life without a shitty relationship, almost nobody. Unless you're just not into into relationships, which some people aren't. But if you are, you'll have a shitty one. Love you. You'll have it. Just wait. But we're not talking about shitty relationships today. I've talked about that enough on this podcast. Go back in the catalog. It's in there. But today we're going to be talking about two relationship dilemmas that I think are maybe not discussed enough. And these are things that I've experienced that I've kind of worked through and I feel like I've figured out these relationship dilemmas, at least on a personal level.
Starting point is 00:04:57 And I'm going to share what I've learned about these two dilemmas and maybe give some advice that you can decide to take or not and we're just going to have a conversation. So the two relationship dilemmas are as follows. Number one, finding a balance when it comes to dealing with your own personal issues in a relationship. Very, very difficult and confusing, but important. And then the second dilemma that we're gonna talk about is having independence in a relationship, why it's important how to find it and what the perfect balance is.
Starting point is 00:05:44 So, let's just get started. We're starting out with dealing with personal issues in a relationship. I think the main difficulty when it comes to battling your own demons when you're in a relationship is it's always really hard to know what to share with your partner, what is better just dealt with on your own, how to manage your emotions when you're dealing with a tough time and you're in a relationship so that the relationship doesn't suffer from your personal issues. There's so many difficulties there,
Starting point is 00:06:26 but at the same time, it's inevitable because life is like a box of chocolates, you know what I mean? And so sometimes shit just sucks, and then you're in a relationship at the same time, and you don't want your relationship to suffer because of your personal issues. And I do think that there's a way to suffer like a human being, not sugar code the way that you're feeling or lie about the way that you're feeling, but still not demolish the
Starting point is 00:06:59 relationship. I think there's a way. Anyway, obviously honesty is one of the most important parts of a relationship. I think there's a way. Anyway, obviously honesty is one of the most important parts of a relationship. That's the foundation of a good relationship. If you don't trust one another, if you aren't honest with one another 100%, most of the time it's not going to work. I mean, I'm going to say 95% because I think there is a 5% of your life that you'll never share with anyone, your most private thoughts,
Starting point is 00:07:33 things like that. Those might not come out in any relationship with anyone ever. Those might just stay with you forever. But I think that 95% of your relationship should be open, honest, everything's out on the table. And the reason for that is, is that that's what creates trust. It creates a bond, it creates vulnerability.
Starting point is 00:07:59 And it's just crucial. But when in the midst of dealing with a personal issue, might be mental health issues, might be something family related, might be something existential, you're having a little existential crisis, we all have them. Sometimes being too honest and discussing that dilemma in the heat of the moment with
Starting point is 00:08:31 your partner might not be the right idea because sometimes you have to work through something on your own. I think the perfect balance, 95% of the time, is to share just enough information for your partner to have context as to why you might be behaving differently. But not so much that they're checking in about it too frequently, they're asking you questions.
Starting point is 00:09:00 How's it going? How's it going? But not sharing too much information to the point where you feel like you can't handle it on your own anymore. Like they're too involved now. I think that's the perfect balance because I think when personal issues really become a problem in relationships is in two scenarios. Number one, it's when you don't tell your partner at all. But meanwhile, you're having a personal issue, so you're behaving differently.
Starting point is 00:09:31 You're not in a great mood, you're bummed out, you're maybe a little bit more angry or aggressive than you normally are, just because. Well, if you don't tell your partner, hey, I'm dealing with this personal issue, then they're taking that shit personal and that's when a wedge starts getting formed in the relationship because your partner is like,
Starting point is 00:09:57 I am feeling a little bit rejected. I'm feeling a little bit rejected because I feel like my partner doesn't love me right now. When in reality, that's not true. It's just that there's a personal issue happening, but resentment will form on the side of the person who is not having a personal issue. If they don't have context as to why your behavior might shift.
Starting point is 00:10:23 And when you're in an intimate relationship, you're so close and you're around each other so frequently and you talk so often that slight changes in your personality are going to be obvious to your partner. More than you even realize, they might not even realize how observant that they're being of you, but it's natural in a relationship to constantly be analyzing and observing your partner and sort of taking the temperature of how things are going on a constant basis.
Starting point is 00:10:59 So if something shifts, it's not going to just fly under the radar. So you do need to have a certain level of honesty and communication with your partner about, okay, I'm going through something. And sometimes just saying, listen, I can't talk about it right now. I'm not ready to talk about it right now, but I'm going through something. Sometimes that's all that needs to be said. through something. Sometimes that's all that needs to be said. It leaves you the space to work through it on your own, but it still gives your partner some context. And you can even go as far as to say, I'm going through something. If I act differently from behaving differently from being weird, just know that it's not personal. If anything comes up that is in regards to you, you're bugging me. Our relationship is not working and that's why I'm acting weird. I will mention it.
Starting point is 00:11:50 But right now, it has nothing to do with you. The shift in my behavior is personal. It's something I'm going through and I'm not ready to talk about it yet, but I just want you to know. And that is so incredibly helpful. I don't think you understand how much of a game changer, that little conversation can be. In my own personal experience, I've had moments where I've felt like, oh God, I feel like something's up in my relationship.
Starting point is 00:12:24 Throughout my relationships, throughout my life, I've had moments where I've been like, something's off, something's up in my relationship. Throughout my relationships, throughout my life, I've had moments where I've been like, something's off, something's off. I feel something off from the person I'm with. And then some time goes by, and maybe I start to build a little bit of resentment, and I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with them? Like, do they just not like me anymore?
Starting point is 00:12:43 Like, why are we even together then? Like, break up with me. Like, what the fuck? Like, if you just not like me anymore? Like why are we even together then? Like break up with me. Like what the fuck? Like if you don't like me, then just end it. You know what I mean? And then I get to a point where I'm like, I need to bring it up. I need to bring it up.
Starting point is 00:12:54 And then I'm like, hey, why do you hate me? And then they're like, I don't hate you. And then I'm like, well then why are you acting like weird towards me? And then I'm like, well then why are you acting like weird towards me? And then I get an explanation and it's like, Emma, the world doesn't revolve around you. No, I'm just kidding. No one's actually ever said that to me.
Starting point is 00:13:13 Yet, probably well at some point in my life. But actually, maybe not. I don't know, okay. But, you know, and then they always say, no, that wasn't you. You know, this isn't about you. I'm having a personal issue like I didn't bring it up, you know. It's happened so many times throughout my life. Now that I'm older, I just bring it up.
Starting point is 00:13:37 If I feel like the vibe is off even for a second, I'm like, what's going on? Is it me? Is there something else going on? Let's get it out in the open because I feel something. Like, let's just work it out. You don't need to tell me, but just what's going on? When I was younger, it used to take me more time and I would build this resentment towards whoever I was dating
Starting point is 00:13:59 and I would like start to get angry at them because I was like, what's the issue? And then finally, when I was at a boiling point, then I would bring it up. It's so unnecessary. Now that I'm an adult, I feel something off for literally 20 minutes and I'm like, what's going on? And then I just get it over with, move on.
Starting point is 00:14:15 So that's the first thing that usually goes wrong when you're having a personal issue in a relationship, is that the communication isn't there and so somebody gets their feelings hurt, right? The second thing that can go wrong is actually the complete polar opposite. You tell your partner too much about what you're going through in the heat of the moment when emotions are running high and then you lose a sense of being able to work through said issue on your own. Sometimes a partner's perspective is not what we need. Sometimes it's very helpful. Don't get me wrong. There are times when it is the best There are times when it is the best option to go to your partner, tell them everything,
Starting point is 00:15:15 cry on their shoulder, let it all out, and get their help. Sometimes that's what you need. But not all the time. And honestly, I would argue most of the time, it's better to work through the issue on your own. And tell your partner, listen, I'm going through something. I just need you to support me and love me a little extra, but I also need the space to figure it out. There's so much value in figuring out things on your own. I think number one, when you figure out a solution to a problem in your life on your own, the solution, it's so much more genuine and honest.
Starting point is 00:15:49 When you discover it on your own, you're able to truly solve the issue in a way that works for you because everybody has their own life experience, their own perspective. And so if you are getting advice or too much help from your partner or from anyone for that matter, it might change the way that you solve your problem. And the truth is, is you're the only one that can truly solve your issues in life. And getting a little bit of advice here and there from people who you trust is not a bad idea. But I think that it can be problematic if you're dating somebody who's maybe a little bit more bold personality wise, because they might start checking in like, hey, have you solved that problem yet?
Starting point is 00:16:47 Hey, how's this going? Hey, did you do what I told you? Did you take the advice that I gave you? And sometimes that can stress you out when you're already dealing with a personal issue. If you're kind of fending for yourself, I think you find a more long term in a more uniquely you solution.
Starting point is 00:17:12 I don't know. Having to be held accountable for solving your own personal issue because your partner is asking you about it frequently and checking in, can sometimes be frustrating. I think it depends on the type of dynamic you have with your partner. Some people are very emotionally mature in the sense that they can sense when it's appropriate to ask about how you're doing
Starting point is 00:17:42 and they know when it's appropriate to check in, but some people just don't. And that's not anyone's fault, but it's just the truth. And so I think knowing your partner, knowing how they react to you dealing with personal issues, learning as you go is the best way to do it. But at the same time, I think a baseline rule is you're always going to be better off solving an issue on your own. And you can ask for love and support. You can share a comfortable amount of information with your partner.
Starting point is 00:18:17 You can receive a little bit of advice from them, but you don't want it to go too deep. I also like to think of relationships as a place to escape in a way from my personal issues. When I'm going through something on a personal level, maybe I'm having sort of an existential crisis, I'm like, what's the point of life? What's the point of anything? Like, I don't know. And I'm struggling with that.
Starting point is 00:18:39 Or maybe I'm just feeling really anxious, you know, recently. Or maybe I'm feeling really depressed. I've been having an up and down with that. Obviously it's kind of impossible for a partner not to notice that stuff, but sometimes keeping majority of it to yourself and using your relationship as sort of a relief and a distraction, a healthy distraction,
Starting point is 00:19:04 as long as you're not overdoing it. But using it as sort of a relief and a distraction, a healthy distraction, as long as you're not overdoing it. But using it as sort of a place where you can talk about other things, you know? Like, oh, when I'm with my partner, I can talk about lighter things. And that's kind of a relief from the heavy thoughts that you're having when you're on your own. I love that, like I love doing that.
Starting point is 00:19:29 Sometimes I don't share, like if I'm having a tough time, I'm really anxious or I'm feeling really depressed, whatever, any of the things I just mentioned. I purposely don't bring it up because I would rather utilize my relationship Because I would rather utilize my relationship as a place where I can kind of take a break from those thoughts that doesn't always make sense, that doesn't always work, but it's definitely an option. I think that's a good option when whatever you're struggling with is not impacting your
Starting point is 00:20:02 mood to a point where you're being, you're acting differently. Like, when I have moments of anxiety or moments of existential crisis or moments of a depressive episode kind of thing where I can still function relatively normally around others. When I'm alone, it's different. Inside, I feel different, but I'm able to sort of cover it up a little bit in social situations, to a point where I am not showing it. Something interesting that I've noticed is, if I'm going through a tough time, I'm dealing with a personal issue, but it's not severe enough that it's affecting my mood outwardly. And I go and I spend time with my partner and don't bring it up and just try to act normally.
Starting point is 00:20:57 Sometimes it actually helps too. So there's another potential pro of keeping certain personal issues to yourself in a relationship. It's all very situational. You know, I think as you can probably tell by the way that I'm discussing this, I feel like it's very situational, at least from my experience. And I don't know. I don't know. I think it's going to be very dependent on you and the specific relationship dynamic
Starting point is 00:21:24 that you have. Another thing that I haven't really mentioned is, I kind of mentioned it, but not in depth enough, is sharing all of our trials and tribulations with our partner can cause us to feel too dependent on them in regards to solving our issues, which can create this sort of anxiety within us, because we start to feel like we couldn't solve our own issues without them. And you never want to feel like you need your partner. I've been in relationships in my life where I felt like I needed my partner. And it never ended well.
Starting point is 00:22:09 The breakup was bad. The relationship was bad. It's bad. You know what I mean? It's all bad. And it's confusing because on one hand, your partner in theory should be your closest, one of your closest confidants, you know, like one of your closest people in your life.
Starting point is 00:22:29 And so it's kind of confusing because on one hand, you're supposed to feel so deeply in a relationship, but then on the other hand, you're supposed to not depend on them. It's a difficult balance to find. It's very, very difficult. It's not easy. But I think one of the ways that you can avoid
Starting point is 00:22:47 feeling too dependent on them is leaving the problem solving to you. You know, when you have a personal issue, make sure that the way that you're handling finding the solution leaves you in the driver's seat. Like you're in the driver's seat. You are the one at the end of the day who's solving your own problems. Don't involve your partner to a point where it starts to feel like they're solving your problems for you. You do not want to feel dependent. You want to associate problems with yourself and not your partner. Because at the end of the day, who do we have? We have ourselves.
Starting point is 00:23:23 We need to be confident in our own problem solving abilities before we can let our partner in to help. Associating problem solving with anyone in your life has a potential of being harmful because you don't want to be too dependent on anyone. You want to feel in control in that area. You want to feel like you're self-sufficient in that way because a huge issue, specifically in romantic relationships, comes when you feel like you can't function without your partner because then you're living in fear.
Starting point is 00:24:04 You end up living in fear of what happens when the relationship ends. And that's not good for the relationship, not good for you. And it usually ends up catastrophic. You always have to look at a relationship like, this enhances my life. I don't want this to go anywhere. I love this. You know, this is, it's a challenge sometimes. It's not always easy.
Starting point is 00:24:24 Sometimes it's uncomfortable. Sometimes it forces me to grow blah, blah, blah. But I don't need it either. I love it. I'm happy I'm here. I don't want it to go anywhere. But if it did end, I could handle myself. You know, that's the best place to be in.
Starting point is 00:24:40 Anyway, last thing I'm going to discuss regarding personal issues in relationships is we have to consider the effect of sharing all of our issues with our partner. Like we have to consider our partner as well. They're already dealing with their own shit too. So I think to heavily bringing in your issues can actually be emotionally difficult for your partner as well. So I think being careful about how much we put on our partners is important as well, because
Starting point is 00:25:19 they are dealing with their own shit. Obviously, you can't live in the mindset of, oh, I don't want to be a burden to my partner. I'm not going to tell them that I'm going through something because I, you know, I don't want to be annoying and I don't want to, you know, put too much on them. No, it's, it's not that. It's not like don't live like that. I think it's more sharing your dilemma with them, right? Letting them know what's going on so that they don't take your shift in behavior personally. But also knowing when you're struggling
Starting point is 00:26:03 so much that it's better if you're alone and that you don't push that energy onto your partner. Maybe you need a little bit of space. If you guys live together, maybe it's like saying, listen, I need some space because I'm dealing with this thing and I just need some space. It's about knowing when to share, when to let your partner know what's going on and when to separate yourself and give yourself the space to work through it on your own,
Starting point is 00:26:23 so that it doesn't become this painful burden for your partner as well to a point that's kind of unbearable. And also, maybe even unnecessary, you know? I think considering their mental well-being as well is important knowing when you're in such a bad place that you're going to be an asshole to them, knowing when sharing too much might leave you guys in a weird spot, you get it. Anyway, next we're talking about something we kind of talked about already just now,
Starting point is 00:27:00 but whatever. The importance of having independence in a relationship, why it's important and why it's honestly the biggest superpower you can have in a relationship. I think that the only relationships that lasts a long time are the relationships where both parties have a healthy amount of independence. It's the only way that a relationship can last. I really believe that. I might be wrong, I'm 21 years old.
Starting point is 00:27:31 Do I know I'm talking about? Fuck no. Maybe, maybe, maybe not. Do we trust me? I don't know. But I really, really think that, sorry, I'm like drinking my matcha. Pfft.
Starting point is 00:27:43 Pfft. Pfft. Matcha latte. Um. As I said earlier, you never want to feel like you need your partner. I'll use myself as an example, actually. In the past, in relationships, I've really struggled with independence, because I'm somebody who went in a relationship, adores whoever I'm with for better or for worse adores them with like every bone in my body. Like I really go in with everything. I think that's why I get my feelings hurt a lot,
Starting point is 00:28:20 but I really put it all in. I put it all in. I put all my love and time and effort into building a relationship. And the reason for that is is that or was because I don't really do that anymore. I think there's I have a healthier approach now but. I used to put like 120% into relationships that I was in because I felt like that was how I was going to create a long-lasting relationship. The issue was through loving whoever I was dating so much and through putting 200% in, I would end up feeling very dependent on whoever I was dating because I would feel like, well, I'm investing so much of my time
Starting point is 00:29:14 and energy into this relationship. I need, I can't let this can't go away. Like now I need them because I literally have put so much of myself into this that if I lose this relationship, I'm going to lose a part of myself because I put so much of myself into the relationship. I would also share so much about my daily trials and tribulations that again, I associated the partners I was with with problem solving. Also, when I was younger and had more time on my hands,
Starting point is 00:29:48 I used to spend like insane amounts of time with people that I was dating. It was like every moment that I could be with them, I would. And any time I would go and do anything, you know, I would go with them. And it was a lot, you know, it was a lot of time spent together. And when you spend, you know, insane amounts of time together, you end up forgetting what your life was like
Starting point is 00:30:15 when you did things by yourself, when you're in a relationship and you're in love, it can be very difficult to have a little bit of distance. Not only emotionally, but also literally physically. Like, you need to have a little bit of distance. Not only emotionally, but also literally physically. Like, you need to have a little bit of distance emotionally in the sense of problem solving on your own, working through things on your own, still having private thoughts, things like that.
Starting point is 00:30:39 You physically need distance as well, because you need to travel without them, do activities without them, have hobbies outside of them, and maybe even have friends outside of them. You need to have distance in a relationship. That distance makes you feel independent, because you still have a sense of life
Starting point is 00:30:57 outside of your relationship. You still feel in a way like your single life is still in tact, like when you were single and you did activities on your own and had your friends and things like that, you need to keep that intact. I think a lot of people, including myself, have done this, lose their sense of independence and their sense of almost like their single energy when they get into relationship. When you get into a relationship, the only thing that should change is that you're just not,
Starting point is 00:31:30 you're not on the market when it comes to dating, period. Nothing else should really change. You know, you should still go hang out with your friends without your partner. You should still go do activities without your partner. It's not easy, it's not, it's so annoying because if you're in a newer relationship and you're just having the best time with your partner,
Starting point is 00:31:50 it's like impossible to not invite them to everything. And I understand that, but I think it is really important to have those moments without them and to remind yourself, hey, I can actually have moments without them and to remind yourself, hey, I can actually have fun without them. You aren't just associating fun with your partner. You have to remember that your life would still be fun, it would still be meaningful,
Starting point is 00:32:18 it would still be exciting if they weren't in your life. You still have amazing things that are going on in your life outside of them. I remember in one relationship, I was in a long time ago, okay, I had a very big issue with dependence. This actually only has happened to me in one relationship where I had a dependence issue or is very, very, very codependent with who I was with. I remember it was not good.
Starting point is 00:32:45 It was not a mentally healthy situation because I was constantly just freaked out about the day that the relationship would end because I was like, I don't know what I'm gonna do. We spent so much time together, we're together all the time. We, I tell them everything, they know everything, they help me problem solve.
Starting point is 00:33:03 They, they literally help me solve every problem I have. You know, all my friends are friends with them, through them. Like, you know, majority of them anyway. I have nothing without them. Every single good thing in my life is somehow associated with them. And I remember my dad said, he's like, the only way that this relationship is going to work is if you have a life outside of them, you have to have a life outside of them or else you're just going to drive yourself crazy. You're going to live in fear constantly.
Starting point is 00:33:34 And it was so hard for me. I couldn't do it in that relationship quite frankly because it was a very co-dependent relationship on all sides. And it was just, yeah, it was not good. So it was not possible, which is why that relationship is long gone, you know what I mean? It's gone because there was too much co-dependence when you have a good life outside of your partner. You don't live in fear of losing them and you get to really live in the moment in the relationship and enjoy
Starting point is 00:34:05 it for what it is in that given moment. And there's so much freedom in that. You know, it takes a little bit of extra effort to maintain a life outside of them because it's a little bit unnatural. You know, you might have to make an effort and go out of your way to make that happen, but it's so incredibly worth it. You can't let the relationship become the center of your life. In the irony of it all is, is that when you do make your relationship the center of your life and you do put like too much of yourself into it, you end up pushing them away anyway. Because the fear of losing them becomes so strong that you end up projecting that fear into the relationship and the relationship feels tense and unnatural. So then it ends up ending anyway. You end up breaking up anyway.
Starting point is 00:35:00 Or you get into a cycle where you're so paranoid that you and your partner, depending on if you're both co-dependent on one another, end up being paranoid about what the other is doing and then it becomes too clingy and too controlling and it's just not good. Anyway, relationships are constantly evolving and if you find yourself in a place where you feel like you might have mishandled something in your relationship, maybe you feel like you might have put yourself
Starting point is 00:35:32 too far deep into it. And you don't have a life outside of them anymore. Or maybe you shared too much about a personal issue with your partner. And now you feel like they're trying to solve the problem for you. Or now you feel dependent on them in the sense of solving the problem you feel like you can't solve it without them. Don't feel discouraged and also don't feel like the relationship is over. That's not what I'm saying here.
Starting point is 00:35:54 I'm not saying that this stuff is immediately gonna kill a relationship. The truth is no relationship is perfect. There's always gonna be issues that come up for every relationship it's gonna be different. There's come up. For every relationship, it's going to be different. There's a lot of variables. And so everybody's individual experience is going to be different.
Starting point is 00:36:11 And I think the most valuable thing about a romantic relationship is the amount of learning that happens, the amount of growth that happens, so much learning, so much growth can happen in a relationship if you let it happen. So being open to that and accepting a relationship failure in some way, you know, maybe the relationship ended because of something or maybe, you know, there was a huge argument in it. You're feeling like the relationship is failing, right? That is
Starting point is 00:36:42 not a real failure because no matter if you stay in the relationship with the person forever or you guys break up, no matter what happens, these little failures that happen in relationships teach you so much about yourself and about how you wanna behave moving forward in a relationship. All learning is valuable and I really need to go to the bathroom. So that's all I got for today.
Starting point is 00:37:11 Thank you guys so much for listening. Thank you guys for hanging out. Let me know if you enjoyed it or if you actually don't tell me if you hated it. Just block me. Just block me if you hated it. No, I'm kidding. Yeah, thank you guys for listening and hanging out. It's always a pleasure. I love spending my morning with you. just block me if you hated it. No, I'm kidding. Yeah, thank you guys for listening and hanging out.
Starting point is 00:37:25 It's always a pleasure. I love spending my morning with you. Follow anything goes on Twitter at AG Podcast or on Instagram at anything goes. Follow anything goes on any platform that you stream podcasts. Review anything goes if you like it. Check out my coffee company,
Starting point is 00:37:42 ChamberlainCoffee.com. I was sipping on two drinks throughout this episode. I was sipping on a cappuccino that I made myself, super weird, new thing I've been making myself. cappuccinos. Pretty good. I used the, actually, I used a medium roast from the artist's collection,
Starting point is 00:38:04 Chamberlain Coffee Artist Collection every month. If you subscribe from the artist's collection, Chamberlain Coffee Artist Collection, every month. If you subscribe to the artist's collection, you get a new bag of coffee with a little art print on the front. Very cute for on your countertop. And then I also was sipping on an iced matcha latte. So we were doing a little bit of both. All Chamberlain Coffee, obviously, very delish. Of course, you can use code AG15 if you want to pick up some coffee,
Starting point is 00:38:28 some matcha, some morning drink accessories, like mason jars, straws, whatever. What else? That's it. Okay, I love you guys so much, and I'll talk to you next week. Bye-bye. and I'll talk to you next week.
Starting point is 00:38:41 Bye bye.

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