anything goes with emma chamberlain - birthdays

Episode Date: May 28, 2020

Most people (secretly) love their birthday. Emma is not one of those people. On this episode she dives into everything birthday related. Past birthday traumas, the 3 types of people on their birthday, awkwardness of giving and receiving gifts, anxiety about getting older, and everything in between. Does anybody actually like when people sing “happy birthday” to them? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi guys, welcome to anything goes. Anything goes. Welcome to anything goes. I'm having really bad voice cracks today like my voice is just cracking nonstop. I burped. I burped. Keep burping. My voice is kind of gone so I will be there was one. I will be having a lot of voice cracks today. I apologize for that. I might be there was one I will be having a lot of voice cracks today I apologize for that I might be going through puberty or something. I don't know why my voice is all fucked up It could be because I'm dehydrated all the time Could be part of it anyway Let me give you a little update yesterday

I decided to fake tan It kind of looks great to be honest Yesterday, I decided to fake tan. It kind of looks great, to be honest. I actually did a really good job. I have not faked taned in over a year, probably, just because there has been a reason too. But I am so pale from being inside all the time that I was like, I need to look like I've stepped in the sun. Like, I look terrible.

I look really bad when I'm pale in my eyes, in my opinion, and it makes me super self-conscious when I don't look a little sun-kissed, you know? So I decided to take matters into my own hands and do a little fake tan and it didn't really help but it was kind of fun and now I look like I went to the Bahamas so I mean it looks like I had a little trip to Kaaba okay and I love it so that's my update that's all that's really happened this week to me anyway. But we have something we need to talk about.

And that is the fact that tomorrow is my birthday. Tomorrow's my birthday. When you're listening to this, my birthday will be long gone. Long gone. My birthday will have happened almost a week prior, but when I'm recording this, it's my last day, oh my God, it's my last day 18. It's my last day being an 18 year old. Tomorrow I am turning 19 years old,

and I decided to dedicate an entire episode to birthdays because to be completely honest, I fucking hate them. And I hate everything about them. And a lot of people are like skeptical of that. You know what I mean? Like when somebody says, Oh my God, I hate birthdays. I hate birthdays. It's like shut up. You love your birthday. You love your birthday. Shut up. It's normally how it is. So I get it. You guys are probably thinking that about me, about me. But if I explain to you how the last five birthdays

of my life went, I think you'd be like, okay, she actually has a right to hate birthdays, but we'll get into that later. I need to go get some chapstick because my lips are really chapped, be back, and it's sick. Okay, I'm back. Lips are all chapped at, wait, they're all lubed, and that's gross.

My lips are all moist, and now I can talk properly. I was like, for some reason I couldn't talk in the beginning of this podcast, and it was because my lips are so chapped that I didn't have full lip mobility. Now I'm talking normally. I almost want to start this whole episode over

because now I'm talking normally and I wasn't in the beginning because I couldn't even move my lips. I should have made that connection. My lips were so dry, literally could not open my mouth farther than like a centimeter. And now I'm talking normally because I can actually move my lips. It feels really good.

Should I start this over? No, too lazy. Not gonna do that, but okay, let's get into this. You guys know based off of what I said like 30 seconds ago that I don't like birthdays. And there is a reason and it's because the last five birthdays I've had, five or so,

have been so bad. So bad. Okay. Well let's actually start it let's start it in middle school let's start back to middle school fifth grade in fifth grade the whole thing was that on your friends birthdays you'd create their locker, right? obviously Why a group of friends in middle school that I didn't really fit in with but I still hung out with them They were kind of the popular group and I really just wanted to fit into it, but it was I Didn't I just didn't and they didn't really I don't think they thought of me as one of them

because they all kind of went to elementary school together and all that. And like I was kind of a transfer student in a sense. Like I moved school districts for the first year of middle school, so I didn't know anybody. And so I did not really fit in with them, but they were my friend group and my birthday rolls around. And I remember I was so excited because I truly thought that they would decorate my locker because you know I had done that for them and we had all decorated each other's lockers and you know I just expected my locker to be decorated. I show up, lo and behold, no decorations on my locker.

As a fifth grader, I was crushed, cried in the bathroom about it. And it was so shitty. It just sucked. So that was my fifth grade birthday memory that sucked. The rest of middle school, I don't even remember what I did for my birthday to be honest, I did get a few locker decorations after that, sixth, seventh and eighth grade, I'm pretty sure my locker did get decorated. So that's good, you know, as a middle

schooler again, those things are very sensitive. Next is my 15th birthday. On my 15th birthday, I was super depressed, like at my peak of my depression, probably that I've ever been at. And my dad and I went to San Francisco for all my birthday just to like walk around and get coffee and just hang out in the city for my day. And I was so depressed, like fully having an episode during my birthday that I literally had to sit down

in a park for like two hours in cry. While my dad kind of walked around the area and just let me out my space. So that was shitty. And then next was my 16th birthday. I was also depressed this year on my birthday really having another episode again. And in that I failed my driver's test on the day of my birthday. So then I had a mental breakdown about that because I was already kind of not doing so well mentally.

Then I failed my driver's test. But then that made me start my YouTube channel. So like, that's kind of cool. And then another year on my birthday, I had mono. So I couldn't really celebrate it. That was actually last year. I had mono. I think I Was sick for nine days So then couldn't really celebrate then and then

Another year mixed in there. I just didn't have any friends that year so I couldn't have a party so my dad took me to the beach. That was really nice. I don't remember what year that was though. Moral stories. I have not had the best birthday track record. I usually don't do anything. I never have a party. I never really celebrate it. And when I do try to do anything, it usually doesn't really go so well. Like I usually just end up having a shitty day. And that's okay, I don't really care. But that's kinda why I don't like birthdays because I think I'm a little bit paranoid

when my birthday comes around because I just don't wanna have a shitty day in general. But my track record is to have shitty birthdays. so like I get scared when my birthday comes around because I'm like Here we fucking go again like what's gonna happen this year? You know so I'm hoping that this year's gonna be a good year. I have really good people in my life that I really love and care about and I feel like I'm in a really good spot mentally. So I think that this year could be a really good turning point for me. I'm really excited to see what happens.

But regardless, I'm not really going to be celebrating it much. Just because I would rather just have a chill day to myself, relax, whatever, maybe, well, I can't really see anybody right now anyway. But yeah, just a chill day, that's all I want. Actually, that's what's happening this year is that we're in quarantine, but that's okay with me, I don't mind that, because that's not like, that's everybody's, that's not a problem that's specific to me. Everybody's having, we're all in this together, so I can't even complain about that or say,

like, oh, my birthday's, this was that, this was my 19th birthday, like, fail moment, was that we're in quarantine because everybody's in quarantine. You know what I mean? That's just not, that doesn't count. But now let's get into the types of people on their birthday. Okay. I would say that there's three main groups. Number one are those who genuinely don't care about their birthday.

And they're just grateful for whatever happens. I love these people. People that have no expectations, genuinely, like genuinely no expectations. It has no weight to them. But then you do something for them and they're really grateful, right? These people are great. I know a few of them and I love people like this because it's just like, these are the types of people you want to do things for, right? When somebody's like, I don't care about my birthday, it doesn't matter to me. You're like, okay, well that makes me want to do something for you.

And then when you do end up doing something for them, they're actually really grateful. And they're like, wow, I didn't expect this. But I'm really grateful that you did this, whatever. It's like a win-win, because they didn't expect anything. And then you want to do things for them. And then they're grateful, it's perfect. Love people like that.

I'm kind of like that. I feel like I'm like 50% like that. But instead of just not really caring and not having an opinion about birthdays, I just hate them and am angry about them just because I have so many bad memories from them. So I'm passionately angry about birthdays. And I'm, but I'm so grateful of people do things for me on my birthday, you know.

But I'm not quite that chill about it because I hate it so much. Second type of person on their birthday is people who act like they don't care at all, but then they want a surprise party really bad. Like, they act like they hate their birthday just so that they'll have a surprise party were really bad. Like they act like they hate their birthday just so that they'll have a surprise party. I hate people like that. Personally, I'm not a huge fan of surprise parties. I would rather know what's going on so that I can like plan around it in a sense and like be aware and I mean but then again if somebody planned a surprise party for me I I'd probably love it, but like I think personally for me

I like to be in control of everything so That's just me, but These people are like I hate my birthday, and then if you don't throw them a surprise party They're moping around all day It's okay to say that you care about your birthday and that you want to do something fun. I don't get why people lie about it. Because then it makes the whole thing more confusing for the people who actually don't

like birthdays. Because then nobody can trust the people that actually don't really want to do anything crazy for their birthday. Those people now don't get trusted anymore because they're getting confused with the people that say that they don't like birthdays but actually want to do something crazy. So now what's the true story? You know what I mean?

Now nobody knows what's going on. There's no winning because nobody knows truly what anybody wants to do. Like when I say, people could be like, she secretly wants a surprise party when that's not what I want. And but how is anybody supposed to know because there's so many people that are lying. I hate people that also say that they hate birthdays and then when you do something for them though,

they're like complaining about it. I know that's kind of a critical because I said that like it's kind of a critical. Maybe not, I don't know. But I hate like when somebody's like, oh, don't do anything for my birthday. And then you do something for them and then they complain about it. That pisses me off.

Because it's like, just because you hate birthdays doesn't mean you can be an asshole when somebody does something for you. You know, that pisses me off. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is more than a website builder. It's in all in one place to make an online space that's entirely your own. Their all-in-one platform allows you to customize everything from the fonts and color scheme to your domain name. All you have to do is choose from one of their beautifully design templates as a starting off point.

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of a website or domain. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. There's no instruction manual when it comes to being an adult. Sometimes I lay away at night rehashing something I said earlier that day or lay in bed at night thinking about what the future holds. I know I'm not the only one going through a lot of what ifs. Like, what if I get into a fender bender? Or what if my home gets broken into?

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Third people on their birthdays, the type of people that make the entire month about them. Birthday month, people. I actually like people like this because they're honest. You know what I mean? They are being straight up. They're like, listen everybody, I love my birthday and I want to celebrate the fuck out of it.

Let's go. That's great because then you know exactly, they're telling you exactly what they want you to do, which is as much as you can to make their birthday feel special There's no trying to decode anything, right? I love that. I love that type of person and I wish It was just more black and white with birthdays and we could just read through we didn't have to read through the lines with everybody so stressful

I would say I'm not even any three of those just because I have I literally have birthday Trauma like I'm not kidding. I would say I'm not even any three of those, just because I literally have birthday trauma. Like I'm not kidding, I get angry about birthdays. And I hate, but I also think I hate birthdays because I don't like when people do things that are nice for me. I feel kind of guilty when people do things for me. I feel like my birthday is kind of a burden to others. It's just like a responsibility and it's just something that they need to handle and I feel like it gets in the way. I feel like

it's a, I feel guilty about people putting an effort to my birthday because I don't really care about it that much. And so I feel guilty when people do something nice for me on my birthday because I'm like, I feel like it was a burden to them. I feel like they felt like they had to. Whereas if somebody does something on a normal day, somebody does something nice on a normal day, that's something nice on a normal day Like that's how to the kindness of their heart because they wanted to but I feel like birthdays are like a responsibility

Where people feel like they have to do something nice and I never want somebody to feel like they have to do something nice for me And I think that's another reason why I don't like birthdays because I feel like it puts like a responsibility It makes other people feel like they have to do something when like in reality I don't care. And I'm more concerned about like effort that people put in on a day-to-day basis. And I'm more concerned about the effort I put in on a day-to-day basis into my friendships

and relationships rather than on one day of the year. It's not that deep, it's not that deep. And I don't know why I'm making it that deep. That's of huge me problem I don't know, but I'm just I'm analyzing birthdays. That's what this episode is. So fuck it Yeah, I always feel guilt on my birthday That's why I kind of try to do the least amount possible so that I feel less guilt is I think I need to talk to a therapist about that. That sounds like a problem. Okay, next we're talking about birthday parties. I have not had a birthday party in so long,

but I love attending birthday parties. I love attending birthday parties. The funny thing about birthday parties is that they're actually less about the person whose birthday it is, and they're more about everybody else. I mean, of course, you know, if you want to make sure that the person who's birthday it is, is having a good time and all that.

But if you think about it, the birthday party is more about the guests. Like, the actual person who's birthday it is, ends up stressed out, probably crying. They had to do all the planning, they had to pay for everything. And it's more about the guests being happy, which I think is fun in all, but I also think that like I don't like having my own party because that's a lot of work and it's exhausting. I'd rather go to somebody else's party, celebrate them, the attention be all on them. I just get to enjoy myself and then I get to go home

and then they get to have to clean up. That's amazing, it's an amazing scenario. Unless I'm the one throwing a party for someone, then it's like, that's fun too, because still the attention is not me and they get to go home and relax. I clean up. And then that's it.

I enjoy that as well. But I just don't like when it's all about me. I don't like being like the, I also hate when people fucking sing happy birthday to me. Ah! It's the worst. It's the worst. I think a nice like small birthday party with like a few people is the best. Like a solid six to ten people that you really love and care about your closest friends.

And then like calling it, you know what I mean? And then that being it. And I think that that's the best. I think that's like so fun. And it's chill. And it's like, you don't have to be hanging out with people that you only half like. I think that's ideal. Small birthday party, easy cleanup, low pressure, you know. Don't even have to dress up. Don't have to rent a venue.

You know, just like a few people hanging out. Okay, now let's talk about gifts. I love giving gifts, I do, but I don't like receiving gifts because I hate having to react. I don't know how to react. I prefer like gift giving when it's non-confrontational, right? Like I like to send people gifts to their house so that they know that I'm thinking of them. They know I love them, they know I care about them.

But I don't have to, they don't have to put on a show and react in front of me. They can just enjoy it, maybe it'll put a little smile on their face and then they can continue with their day. You know what I mean? That's more my thing. I'm not as about giving somebody a gift in front. It makes me super uncomfortable because I get uncomfortable when I open a gift and I feel

like when I give somebody a gift, I'm making them uncomfortable when they have to open it. But also gift giving is like my lowest love language. If you guys know what that is, there's this Tessa you can take or you can find out your love language. There's like five. I think it's, I'll read them. I find this really interesting. So why not get into it? So there's five love languages. There's words of affirmation, physical touch, receiving gifts, quality time, acts of service. I think my top one is quality time and then acts of service and then I don't remember what it is.

I took the test once. I know quality time and acts of service are up there, but I also feel like physical touch was up there too and words of affirmation. My lowest was receiving gifts. Anyway, you guys don't care. So maybe that's why I just have a hard time with giving gifts and receiving gifts is because that's just low on my love language. It's just not my love language. I just don't get it. It just doesn't matter to me. As a kid, I think, I used to, I never really cared about gifts. Like, materialistic things, like just don't matter to me.

I'd rather spend time with somebody, I'd rather make a memory with somebody, I'd rather have somebody give me a hug. Like, dead, I would just prefer that, because that is something that makes me, it releases more endorphins for me or something, I don't know, but that's just something I would prefer. So, I have a hard time with gifts,

but I am good at giving gifts. I feel like I actually, I tried it. Ugh! I'm like a practical gift giver. Like, for Mother's Day, I was like, Mom, I know you've been wanting a new rug for your living room. Pick out a rug and I'll get you that rug for Mother's Day.

Instead of me picking something out, I'd rather help somebody and give them something practical. That's what I think of. Or like when my dad, he needed to do a surfboard, surf, no, he needed a new wetsuit actually once. He needed a new wetsuit and I was like, for Father's Day, I'll get you that wetsuit. It's like practical shit, you know what I mean?

I think that that's so much better because that's something that they need anyway. You can't fail with that, you know what I mean? But either way, I hate giving him receiving gifts. Last thing we're gonna talk about is the overall anxiety about getting older. You know, I, I don't know. I sometimes get anxious about like being 19.

I'm like, holy shit, it's my last year being a teen and then I will just never be a teen again. And like times moving so fast and it's scary. But I don't, I try not to think about it. I really do. I push it out of my head because it just upsets me. It genuinely upsets me and it makes me really uncomfortable and I just don't want to think about it.

And that's not what it's about. You know what I mean? Age is just like a... It's a... It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Life is still going to be fun until the day that I die. So it doesn't matter what age I am.

Like, I'm going to have fun when I'm fucking 75 on God. I'm just going to be. There's no limit. I'm just going to have fun forever. So I try not to get worried about it, but it does kind of stress me out. Anyway, that was super negative. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. The whole episode so far is so fucking negative because I don't like birthdays, but I wanted to just

get it all off of my chest. This episode is brought to you by LiquidIV. You might think that hydration is only necessary after intense crazy activities, like working out. But if you think about it, running errands is still running. That's why liquid IV powder hydrates you two times faster than water alone, with three times the electrolytes of traditional sports drinks.

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plan on doing that. I don't really ever plan on doing that I don't ever really want to do that. Ever. Like I can't imagine renting out a venue and having like a hundred people at my party. Like I could not do that. I would fucking hate that because number one there'd be a lot of it causes drama always. I don't even like 100 people, like I don't know 100 people. So like, I don't know how that would work. And it would just cost a lot of money. I don't think it's really financially responsible for me

as a person who doesn't like birthdays to ever throw a big birthday party for myself when I don't even like them. You know, somebody said, do you prefer to get presents or money? I would way rather get a present than money. Now that I'm older, because I think that like, I don't really need, I don't care about gifts as much. So if somebody gave me a thoughtful present, that means more to me than money at this point in my life.

But when I was younger, money, 1000%. Because money was something I could save up. And then buy something, save up for something else, I really, really wanted. And so that was always my favorite. Grandparents are the best of that. Somebody said between, oh, this question is so good. Between what ages do you feel like you've matured the most?

I think between 17 and 18 was pretty insane. Like, I moved to LA, I lived by myself. I, like, so much had happened to me socially that matured me a lot. Like, I, you know, because I lived in LA. So it was like, I turned 17 and then like a few weeks after I moved to LA. And then by the time I was 18, I was just a different person

because I lived in LA for a whole year. But I also think that even this past year, actually not that much has changed. I feel like I've had a lot of mental growth, like the way that I look at things is so different than how it was a year ago. But I don't feel like it was as big of a change, as 17 to 18, that was huge, huge,

probably the biggest one yet. I was actually reading, speaking of 18 to 19, I was reading my journal from a year ago when I had just turned 18 and oh, it was so sad. I was really struggling. Like, I was really insecure and like, I could read it. Like, I could read the way that I was writing was like almost defensive.

And it was like, I was writing like defensively about things, like about my relationships with people like being like, you know, I don't know how to explain it without like, literally reading my journal to you and I'm never gonna do that because I'm gonna burn it because I don't want anybody to ever see anything that's in it. But yeah, I was really insecure and defensive and like sad and really like codependent on so many people

and like super unhappy and I think I've just come a long way from that and I've learned a lot from that but I don't think that was as big of a change because I feel like you know I still live in LA and whatever somebody said favorite cake flavor I would say funfetti Somebody said favorite cake flavor. I would say fun, Fettie, but I also really fuck with lemon cake. Vanilla is great.

Chocolate, I mean, chocolate works too. I'm more of a vanilla cake type of person though. Somebody said, what's the most memorable thing? Somebody has ever done for you on your birthday. It's hard for me to remember. Last year actually, I was really sick on my birthday. Um, as you guys know, with mono. And so I was just in bed all day on my birthday. And then my friends actually ended up with mono and So I was just in bed all day on my birthday and then

My friends actually ended up surprising me at my house and then they took me To a secret location. They didn't tell me where they were taking me They actually pranked me and told me that they were taking me to get a tattoo And I like believe them and I was like guys guys, I don't know what I want. Like, you guys didn't give me any time. It turns out they were just taking me to go

on a helicopter ride over LA, which was super fucking fun, and amazing and so sweet of them. So that was my birthday thing last year. I took a day quill, my fever went away So that was my birthday thing last year. I took a day quill, my fever went away and I enjoyed the helicopter ride and then I went home and then my fever came back and it was shitty but that totally made my day and that was really sweet

and they hung out with me even though I was sick and that was really sweet of them. And it was really, really meaningful. Somebody said, what do you do when people are singing happy birthday to you? I always get so uncomfortable and I need help. Okay. Usually I put my face in my hands and hide my face and then I'll kind of like sarcastically be like oh my god guys stop.

Stop. And I kind of make light of it and then I'm like you know I try to like act like I'm shy about it you know what I mean that's kind of my go-to and then when it's over I'm like thank you guys and then I move on and it's really uncomfortable but I just act shy the whole time somebody's a duo is crying your birthday? Is that just me? Me too. I don't know why. I don't know why.

Like, I always cry on my birthday at some point. Hoping that this year we can skip that part. I would really appreciate it. Somebody said, are you anxious for your birthday tomorrow? Because it is tomorrow. No, I'm not because like I don't have any, like I'm not really, I'm not doing anything. So like there's nothing to be anxious about.

That's kind of why I like not doing anything because there's just nothing to be anxious about. And it's like kind of a relief. I'm just kind of excited to have a good normal day and you know Have a relaxing day. Maybe I'll do something special for myself who knows get myself a special meal or something and Call it a day Okay, this is actually really interesting and kind of made me think somebody said do you like having birthday parties or would you rather be alone?

Okay, I don't even, like, the thing is, I don't like doing anything for my birthday, but I also wouldn't want to fully be by myself on my birthday. Like, I would, like, if I was fully by myself on my birthday, I would be okay with it, like it wouldn't really matter, but like, I always would like an excuse

to see my friends, you know what I mean? Like my close friends. So like it'd be nice matter. But like I always would like an excuse to see my friends. You know what I mean? Like my close friends. So like it'd be nice to see my close friends on my birthday, but like that's it. I wouldn't like choose to be alone. Like if I could hang out with somebody on my birthday, that would be more fun.

Because it's more fun to hang out with people anyway. Like do you know what I'm saying? Like that's just more fun in general. I don't know, I'm like confusing myself, trying to analyze it. I don't know. It doesn't need to be this deep. Oh my God, this is not a question, but I just remembered something crazy

from middle school and high school. I don't know if this is like this where you guys live or whatever. This is just a me thing, birthday texts. In middle school, I would spend like, This is just a me thing, birthday texts. In middle school, I would spend like six hours writing birthday texts to my friends that were like essays. And it was like, and if you didn't write like an essay for your friend on their birthday,

like, your fake. And if you didn't send it right at midnight, your fake. And then, like, throughout high school, like, birthday texts were a big deal. Like, if somebody from school didn't send you a birthday text, even if they said, Happy Birthday to you in person, fucked up. Like, it was like a mandatory thing.

I know one of my friends actually would make a list of who didn't wish her happy birthday. And I think I did that two one year. We made a list of who didn't send us birthday texts. Because that's fucked. It's almost like a jab when somebody doesn't send you a birthday text. Not anymore, but like in middle school and high school, it's crazy. It's crazy how meaningful that was.

Somebody said, how do you feel having this beer last year as a teenager? And what do you think your 20s are gonna be like? I'm actually really excited for my 20s because I feel like I'm gonna be so much more mentally stable and I feel like it'll just be a lot more fun because I think that the last few years of my teens have just been filled with me doing so much like self-discovery and I feel like things are finally

starting to even out and I'm finally starting to figure shit out and like obviously I still have a lot to learn but I feel like the things that I'm learning it's like out of more normal pace rather than like, me having this sensory overload constantly of like learning shit and dealing with mental shit. Like, I just feel like I've been through a lot the last few years. I feel like in my 20s things are gonna kinda even out.

And I'm gonna kinda just be able to enjoy everything for what it is. And like, I'll have a little bit more wisdom. You know what I mean? Still still super dumb and stupid but like have a little bit more wisdom and I think you just start to care less. The older you get the less you care I think. So I'm really excited for that and then you know my late 20s I'll start doing all that adult shit which is scary but we don't need to speak on that yet, because I'm not there yet.

Somebody said, do you like getting older? Is it something you want to avoid? Well, if there's nothing I can do about it, there's not one thing I can do about it. So I might as well enjoy it and think about how fun it's going to be. You know, as you get older, there's so many more things that you get to do, you know? And I just take it day by day. So I don't avoid it because there's nothing I can do. I can't avoid it.

Can't stop time. So, so many said, what's been your favorite age so far? I think 18 was my favorite so far. I had fun at 17, too. 17 and 18 were pretty fun, but also a fucking train wreck. So, like mentally for me, like I was really going through a lot. So, I don't know, like I think, I actually feel like I'm at, I think 19.

I know I just, I'm turning 19 tomorrow, I'm not there yet, but I feel like I'm actually at one of the best places I've been in a really long time. and I just have such cool people in my life and such cool opportunities and I'm having a lot of fun and so I really like the age I'm at right now. It's kind of a beautiful time for me right now. Like, you know, of course there's the daily things that get fucked up but like overall I think shit's kind of good right now Somebody said do you think it's fine not to want a birthday party? Absolutely You know the thing that I think is crazy is when somebody's like hey, I want to do something

You know kind of small for my birthday and then everybody's like no, we're doing a big party for you Which is so selfish. Like, if somebody, like, when it's your birthday, you should be able to choose whatever the fuck you want to do. That's up to you. That's your day. So you get to do whatever you want. You get to drive the bus. And like, if people don't respect that, that's fucked up because that's not fair. That just means that they want to throw a party so that they get to fucking party. Not because they actually care about your birthday. Because I think a lot of people just want an excuse to party. And that's why they'll be like,

oh we're throwing a surprise party for you even if you don't want one because they want an excuse to party. But I also get it because that's kind of, but then, because it's kind of fun. So, I don't know who sat him on with that. So he said, do you ever make wishes when you blow your candles? No. I think I do, but I don't remember what I think of. It's probably like, oh, my crush likes me back. And then it never happens. Sometimes, sometimes, but not usually when I'm fucking wish about it on my birthday. Somebody said, what age did you look forward to having the most when you were younger? Mine was 16.

I think 18 was a big one for me and then now it's 21 and then after that it doesn't matter. I'm excited to be 21 because then there's like no more birthday age things. Like that's like the last legal birthday that matters. Do you know what I'm saying? And then after that I can do it. Like it's like then it's then that's kind of the last iconic one and then that's it. So somebody said do you like the attention from a birthday? No, no, I don't.

I don't. Makes me really uncomfortable. Because I don't. I don't. Makes me really uncomfortable. Because I don't know how to react. And then I always feel bad like I'm coming off like an asshole because I don't know how to react to like a lot of attention at once for like my birthday or something. Like I'm bad at like expressing my like, like I only, I'm like thank you, thank you.

But I don't know how to be grateful verbally in a way that I feel like is makes that. I always feel like I don't seem grateful enough. And so that's why I hate it because I don't receiving attention because then I feel like then there's more pressure on me to make sure that I am showing them that I appreciate them, but then I'm like bad at that emotionally for some reason, and

then I feel like I'm gonna hurt somebody's feelings. Why do I think like this though? Like why can't life just be more simple? I think I'm complicating things for myself and I think that's a huge me problem. Anyway, y'all, thank you for listening to that train wreck of an episode. Got a lot off my chest, feeling really good. Hope you guys enjoyed it. If any of your birthdays are coming up, happy birthday.

If any of you guys have ever had a birthday before, I will just say happy birthday. I just farted. Oh my god I really hope you guys couldn't hear that. Oh my god anyway Happy birthday to all of you 19 tomorrow gonna be crazy gonna do absolutely nothing probably cuz the quarantine, but that's cool I love you all I appreciate you all. Thank you for listening. Thank you for coming back but that's cool. I love you all. I appreciate you all. Thank you for listening. Thank you for coming back every single week if you do that if not that's cool too. And also thank you for being with me for my past three birthdays. Not all of you have maybe been with me for my past three birthdays but I've

been on the internet for my past three birthdays and and I wouldn't want it any other way. I love you all birthdays and I wouldn't want it any other way. I love you all. Appreciate you all. Have the best day. Mwah.